#that they all sort of just lended to the surreal atmosphere.

[misterradio]

those reviews weren't lying that movie can be so bad it's amazing

[thef1diary]

Baby Jr | Six

— Truth Unveiled

series masterlist

© thef1diary 2024. all rights reserved. Do not copy, steal, translate, or repost any of my work.

pairing: carlos x fem!reader

wc: 2.8k

The morning after your heartfelt conversation with Ava dawned, bringing with it a new wave of anxiety. You had spent the night tossing and turning, your mind racing with thoughts of how to tell Carlos about the pregnancy. Ava's reassuring words played on a loop in your head, offering some comfort amidst the chaos.

As you entered the paddock on race day, the buzz of activity and the smell of burning rubber filled the air. The sun was shining brightly, casting long shadows over the bustling scene. You walked briskly, your heart pounding with each step, knowing that Carlos would be occupied with media duties, the actual race, and the post-race debriefing with the team. Usually, you weren’t part of the post-race debrief, but today was different. More team members had been asked to join, emphasizing that every sort of role counted, media included.

You immersed yourself in your tasks, trying to keep a low profile. The garage was a hive of activity, with engineers and mechanics making last-minute adjustments to the car. You focused on your work, the familiar routine helping to calm your nerves. However, the thought of facing Carlos again later loomed over you like a dark cloud.

You exchanged glances with Ava several times throughout the day. Even though neither of you had the chance to stop and chat, her eyes constantly sought yours, silently checking in on you. Each time you caught her gaze, she offered a small, reassuring smile or a slight nod, her way of silently asking if you were holding up okay. It was a subtle but comforting gesture, a reminder that she was there for you, ready to lend her support whenever you needed it. These moments of connection, though brief, helped ground you amid the chaos of the day, giving you a small sense of stability and reassurance.

As the clock ticked closer towards the start of the race, the tension in the paddock heightened. Murmurs were heard in passing as each team solely focused on their two race cars, ensuring that every single part was in place and running smoothly.

You took your usual spot in the garage, watching the race unfold with a mix of excitement and anxiety. The roar of the engines filled the air, mingling with the cheers of the crowd. The sun beat down on the track, casting shimmering heat waves that made everything appear slightly surreal. You kept a close eye on the monitors, tracking every lap, every turn, every pit stop with bated breath. Wearing a pair of headphones, you were able to switch between both driver’s radio chatter, listening in to everything that was being said.

“Box, box, box!” the race engineer's voice crackled through your headphones, signaling one of the drivers to pit.

Working in motorsports, every day was like a new adventure, but nothing could ever top the feeling of race day. You truly felt like a proper spectator of the sport with the added bonus of being able to work behind the scenes with the team, making the experience even more enjoyable.

Carlos drove brilliantly, his skill and determination evident in every maneuver. He fought his way through the pack after an unfortunate position set in qualifying the day before, his car dancing around the corners with precision. When he crossed the finish line in third place, the cheers from the Ferrari garage were deafening. Carlos had secured a podium finish, a testament to his talent and the team’s hard work.

Charles, too, had an impressive race. He finished fourth, just shy of the podium, but his performance was strong and consistent. It was a good day for Ferrari, overall. The atmosphere in the paddock was electric with celebration and relief. Team members exchanged high-fives and hugs, their faces alight with joy.

After the podium celebration and a team photo, you were heading toward the meeting room for the post-race debrief when Carlos approached you, flanked by a few other team members.

“Hey, we’re thinking of grabbing dinner tonight to celebrate. You in?”

You hesitated, searching for an excuse. “Oh, I already have plans with Ava tonight. Rain check?”

Carlos frowned but nodded. “Sure, maybe next time.”

Everyone gathered in the meeting room, a large space filled with monitors and charts displaying the race data. The room was filled with the hum of quiet conversations, the excitement from the day’s success still palpable. As you settled into the debrief, you noticed Carlos tapping away on his phone before holding it under the table. Your phone buzzed, and you glanced down to see his message.

‘You looked amazing today. My number really suited you, why’d you change?’

You frowned in confusion, not understanding what he meant. Another message came through almost immediately.

‘I saw you wearing a shirt with my number on it earlier, did you not notice?’

Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. You hadn’t even realized you had been wearing his number. The shirt was one Carlos had left in your hotel room after staying the night, and since he never asked for it back, you packed it and took it home. You ended up wearing it at home often because it was comfortable, but it was the first time you wore it in public, and that too without realizing it. Worst of all, Carlos had noticed.

‘Didn’t want to distract you’ you texted back, deciding against mentioning that you only changed because you spilled coffee on it, otherwise you would’ve worn it the entire day without realizing.

Carlos’ response was almost immediate. ‘Too late for that. You’re distracting me right now.’

You glanced up to see him smirking at you from across the table, his eyes twinkling with mischief. You quickly looked away, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks again.

Throughout the debrief, Carlos continued to text you, his messages a mix of playful banter and subtle compliments.

‘Focus on the debrief, Carlos.’ You texted, hoping to divert his attention towards the meeting.

That didn’t work because it wasn’t long before you received another text from him. ‘How can I, you got me picturing you in my shirt, and nothing but my shirt.’

You felt the blush deepen, grateful that the dim lighting in the room due to the projector hid your reddening cheeks. You tried to focus on the engineer’s analysis of the race, but Carlos’ messages kept pulling your attention.

‘Seriously, though. You make it hard to concentrate. I can’t stop thinking about you’

You shook your head slightly, finding it unbelievable that he was mentioning such topics during a meeting. ‘Stop it, Carlos. We’re supposed to be working’

He glanced up at you for a moment, finding it amusing that you couldn’t contain your smile despite the messages you sent opposing his words.

‘You know, I miss our late-night talks…and other things’

Your eyes wandered down to the phone in your palm, widening when you read his text. You typed out a message quickly, hoping to end the conversation without getting caught by your superiors. ‘Carlos, this isn’t the time or place.’

‘When then?’

You took a deep breath, deciding to leave that question unanswered, not knowing how to respond.

As the debrief continued, you placed your phone face down on the table, trying to focus on the discussion. Carlos’ gaze never left you, watching like a hawk as you picked up your pen and jotted down notes. The intensity of his stare made it difficult to concentrate, each glance in his direction only heightening your anxiety.

The room buzzed with the low murmur of voices as engineers and team members discussed the race’s finer points. Monitors displayed graphs and data from the day’s performance, adding a layer of visual complexity to the meeting. You found yourself scribbling notes almost mechanically, your mind half on the task and half on Carlos.

Every now and then, your phone would buzz with another message from him, but you forced yourself to ignore it. Each vibration felt like a small electric shock, jolting your concentration. You knew he was trying to get your attention, and it took every ounce of willpower to stay focused on the debrief.

Finally, unable to resist any longer, you picked up your phone and saw his latest message: ‘What are you doing tonight?’

You hesitated for a moment before typing back, ‘You already asked me that. I told you I’ll be with Ava.’

Almost immediately, his response came. ‘I mean after that’

Your heart skipped a beat, understanding the implication. You felt a rush of emotions, conflicted between your desire for him and the secret you were holding.

‘Come on,’ his next message read as he watched your facial expressions while you contemplated your choices. ‘It’s been too long since we’ve celebrated.’

You understood what he meant by celebrations, remembering how the night ended the last time he won a race. A part of you wondered if baby Sainz growing in your womb was the result of that night, or the ones that followed.

The thought of being with him intimately while actively hiding that secret from him almost made you sick to your stomach. You knew you couldn't do that to him, despite how much you clenched your thighs together at the thought of another night spent tangled in the sheets.

You glanced around the room, making sure no one was watching, then quickly typed back, ‘Carlos, it’s not that simple right now’

His reply was swift, ‘It can be. Just say yes.’

You thought back to the night he won, a hint of a smile growing on your face as you thought of another remark and quickly texted him. ‘Besides, you didn’t win today.’

Carlos looked up at you, catching your smile, and grinned. His fingers moved rapidly across his phone screen and you were fortunate that no one around him noticed his lack of attention on the debrief.

‘Podium is still a win. Third place means we can still celebrate, right?’

You bit your lip, trying to suppress a laugh. His persistence was both endearing and infuriating. ‘You’re relentless’ you typed back, feeling the flutter of butterflies in your stomach.

‘Only because you’re worth it’ came his immediate response.

You sighed, knowing he wouldn’t give up easily and you didn’t want him to either. Your mind raced, trying to balance your feelings with the reality of the situation. But at that moment, all you could think about was how much you missed him, how much you missed the way he made you feel.

‘Okay’ you typed back finally. ‘But we need to talk first, Carlos. Seriously.’

He didn’t respond to the text, instead he sought out your gaze, waiting for you to look at him before nodding. Noticing the depth in his eyes, the honesty, you knew the truth had to be revealed tonight.

You placed your phone face down again, trying to focus on the remaining part of the debrief, but your thoughts were now consumed with the upcoming conversation with Carlos. The tension between you two was palpable, and you knew tonight could change everything.

The debrief ended, and you began to gather your things. You noticed Carlos heading your way, a small grin on his face. Just before he was about to reach you, Charles interrupted him, stopping him for a hushed conversation. Since you weren’t far away, you were able to overhear parts of their conversation.

“Is she coming? If she is, Ava will too,” Charles inquired, his voice cutting through the low murmur of conversations.

Carlos shook his head at first, then looked at Charles with a pointed glare. “Why do you want Ava there?”

Charles seemed puzzled, pausing before he shrugged. “Well, they’re both part of the team, so…?”

Carlos shook his head again. “She said she already has plans with Ava, so I guess neither of them are coming.”

“Really? I heard she didn’t have any plans tonight.”

Charles’ behaviour made Carlos roll his eyes before elbowing him in annoyance. “Why did you put me up to it then if you already knew?”

He shrugged again, his expression neutral. “Just wanted to make sure, plus she likes you better than me for some reason.”

Carlos glanced back at you, his confusion deepening. You could feel his eyes on you as you exited the room, knowing that the conversation you had been dreading was going to be unavoidable tonight.

You found a quieter corner in an office within the paddock to work on some last-minute media projects. The celebrations were in full swing elsewhere, but you stayed behind. The room was dimly lit, the only sound being the soft hum of your laptop since most of the team and other personnel were off enjoying the dinner celebration or heading back to their hotels.

You immersed yourself in your work, hoping to distract yourself from the thoughts swirling in your head. The tasks were routine—updating social media posts and editing photos from the race—but they kept your mind occupied. You sipped on a Red Bull, the caffeine helping to keep you focused.

Minutes turned into hours and you were completely immersed by the contents on the screen. Papers were strewn across your desk, and your fingers danced across the keyboard.

The can of Red Bull sat beside you, half-drunk. You had initially popped the tab, but after drinking half of it, you realized you needed to be cautious with your caffeine intake given your situation. It had been sitting on your desk for a while now, and you were hesitant to take another sip.

The door opened but you hadn’t noticed until Carlos gasped theatrically, causing you to look up in surprise. “You traitor!” he exclaimed, pointing at the can. “Siding with the enemy?”

You laughed, the sound a mixture of relief and amusement. “Well, Ferrari doesn’t make energy drinks, Carlos. What else am I supposed to do to stay awake?”

He chuckled, the tension between you two momentarily easing. He walked closer, pulling up a chair beside you. “Good point. But seriously, what are you doing here? I thought you had plans with Ava.”

You looked down, the weight of your lie pressing on you. “I needed to get some work done,” you admitted quietly, your fingers tracing the rim of the Red Bull can. “There’s always something that needs to be finished.”

Carlos’s eyes narrowed slightly as he studied you. “I saw Ava at the dinner. She said you were here working when she left. You seemed pretty adamant about those plans earlier.”

You sighed, feeling the pressure build up. “I didn’t have plans. I just… needed some time to myself, Carlos. To think and work through some things.”

He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

You shrugged, your eyes avoiding him.

Carlos was silent for a moment, his gaze intense. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? You don’t have to hide.”

You nodded, feeling a lump in your throat, realizing that the conversation you’ve been dreading was going to happen in the paddock of all places. “I know. It’s just… complicated.”

He reached out, placing a hand on yours. “I’m here now. Let’s talk. What’s really going on?”

You took a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts. “It’s just… everything feels overwhelming right now. The race, work, us.”

Carlos’s eyes softened. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

You looked up, meeting his gaze. “I’m not avoiding you.”

“Yes, you are,” he said, his voice gentle but firm. “Every time I try to talk to you, you find an excuse to be somewhere else.”

“No, I—”

“Yes,” he insisted, cutting you off. “And you’ve never been the type to avoid confrontation. Did I do something that makes you run away every time you see me?”

Carlos noticed your attempts to avoid him, which he openly acknowledged, leaving you momentarily speechless.

"Well, you did something..." you trailed off, since he was technically half of the reason you were in this predicament in the first place.

“Enlighten me,” he said, his tone challenging but not unkind.

“What would change if I tell you?” you asked, feeling your heart race.

“For one, I would have my friend back,” he replied softly.

“Are we friends or are we coworkers who fuck?” You shot back, your tone coming out a little harsher than you expected.

“We were friends first, were we not?” he questioned, his voice dropping to a whisper.

You swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his words. “Okay, Carlos. Do you really want to know?”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation, his eyes locked onto yours.

“It could change your life,” you warned, feeling a mixture of fear and resolve.

“It’s that serious?” he asked, his eyebrows raising in surprise.

“Yeah,” you nodded, looking away for a moment to blink away the tears pricking the corners of your eyes

“It only makes me want to know more,” he said, his voice gentle but insistent.

You took a deep breath, the words heavy on your tongue. “I’m pregnant, Carlos, and it’s yours.”

——

Taglist OPEN: @pierregazly @rowena-ravenclaws-diadem @lilymurphy03 @the-ghost-lovwr @ilovethefruits @lewlew44 @hc-dutch @khaylin27 @lillyssh-tposts @thatgirlmj @ladyoflynx @customsbyjcg-blog @sltwins @nonstopbookworm @glitterquadricorn @charizznorizz @mrs-bunny @likedbygaslyy @booksandflowrs @teamnovalak @formula1mount @gaviymarcsbride @gotthemilk-69 @bwormie @llando4norris @arian-directioner @depressedgiftedburnout @halleest @amberpanda99 @cosmoscoffeee @mycenterfold @67-angelofthelordme-67 @sugarvibez @mehrmonga @aadu2173 @bokutos-babyowl @presidentdangdang @seasonswinter @amalialeclerc @amandadesantasworld @xisab @doofenshmirtzevil-inc @pedrohoe04 @shimmermotorsport @darleneslane @mderby03 @jinimon-tr @landoslutmeout @chilling-seavey @persiar9

[therealtsk]

okay so i think before I really start delving into this fandom I wanna give my thoughts on the game itself.  so MUCHO SPOILERS FOR CONTROL. IF YOU WANNA EXPERIENCE THIS AMAZING GAME YOURSELF DO NOT READ THIS POST.  You good? Alright, let’s go. 

So. First, I wanna talk about the game-play of CONTROL.  It’s fucking amazing. In a year where I played five incredibly strong games (Bloodborne, Uncharted 4, Red Dead Redemption 2, God of War and of course, CONTROL), it was my favorite game. In fact, I think it might be my favorite game of 2019.  It has something that all of the other games lacked, with the possible exception of U4...the core gameplay was inherently fun. The word “Next-gen” gets tossed around a lot in the gaming world, but this was the first thing I played that truly felt like it. The gameplay of CONTROL is at once simple and wildly different: I think I speak for most people when I say that the Launch ability is my favorite gameplay aspect: it just feels amazing to use, even after a year of playing it. It’s the closest I think a game has ever come to truly come (for me) to making me understand the sort of power the character wields in a way that isn’t superficial. From the sound design to the rumbles of the controller, to the superb animation, all of it comes together to make you feel powerful.  It’s amazing.  Okay so now that’s over, let’s talk about the world, characters, and story, the biggest reasons I love this game. As a long time fan of the more surreal and ethereal types of the supernatural, CONTROL immediately stood out to me with it’s central location: The Oldest House. What an incredible setting for a game, but also just what an incredible setting in general? When I walk through the hallowed halls of the House, I never feel at ease. I think it’s a fantastic combination of visual and audio design, but the House has a way of making you feel both unwanted and watched: even with all of the human touches the Bureau has scattered throughout the map, The House feels starkly inhuman- the ceiling too high,the doorways slightly too broad. Even after centuries of co-existing with humanity, the House has not quite adapted to humans. And yet there’s something also irresistibly compelling about wandering a place you know, logically, you probably shouldn’t be. It’s a fantastic way of putting you inside Jesse’s shoes: you feel both her fear and the powerful call of the unknown that beckons her to the darkest corners of the House.  The Altered Items themselves are also just...fascinating. The twisting of the mundane into the paranormal- there’s a word I’m looking for, but I can’t find at the moment. I know some people got annoyed with all of the reading in the game, but personally, I loved scanning through every document, case file, and correspondence. Dead Letters in particular caught my imagination: I’ve never stopped thinking about the woman trapped in the phone since I read about it, I even turned it into an original short story. CONTROL’s world feels very much lived-in, like it has history and activity outside of the game’s story, which is crucial to the livelihood of any setting.  Now, for the characters: Jesse Faden is perhaps my favorite video game character to date. I love her so much, words can’t describe, but I’m gonna try anyway. I love her sass, her jump-down-and-figure-out-a-plan-on-the-way-there attitude, her frustration and quiet sadness, her anxieties and ultimately- her love. Jesse Faden loves her brother so much that she literally threw away any chance she could have had at a normal, peaceful life and risked everything for him, not even knowing if he was still alive. As a proud brother of two siblings, It’s nice to see familial ties being just as strong in games as romantic ones.  Speaking of romantic ones, Emily freaking Pope am I right??? The minute Jesse and her sat down at the table I was like :eyes: “these vibes...the chemistry...the delivery...” I don’t care what anyone says Jesse and Emily are gay for each other and you cannot tell me otherwise, just look at all of their interactions. Remedy thank you for giving me another ship to stan until i die  The other characters are also amazing! I love my bois Simon Arish and Fredrick Langston, adorable dorks that they are. RIP Marshall but damn you were badass- also your long coat. Remedy make merch so I can buy it pls.  As for the more supernatural characters: Polaris.  Oh my god I love Polaris. My first assumption was that Jesse was speaking to us, the player, but learning the truth about what Polaris was and her own character was so fantastic- I would literally watch so much of just Jesse and Polaris communicating, the idea of humans and these...ethereal life-forms co-existing is just fascinating.  And then there’s the Hiss. I have been obsessed with the Hiss since I first heard those words. You are a worm through time. Like...the idea of a malignant radio wave, burring into your mind and planting itself within you, overriding your thoughts with song...just fucking chills. I can’t wait to write about this audible horror. 

Also just something I wanna note before I wrap this rambling thing up: CONTROL was not a game I expected this from, but I love how they handled representation in it: they never call attention to it or try to get clout for it, but they have a wide scattering of nationalities and a very even split of women and men: it was just so nice to have a game that didn’t feel dominated by dudes, you know?  Anyway: the story. I think this is where the game lost a lot of people, but I thought the way that it unfolded was fantastic, and every ending (Base game, Foundation, AWE) has left me excited to see more. I think my favorite plotlines thus far comes from the DLC’s: The Astral Politics and, of course-  Alan.  Fucking. Wake. 

But more on that in a bit. I think The Board and the presentation of them was fantastic: It’s so hard to for humans to write utterly in-human mindsets and persons, but I think Remedy’s team did a truly amazing job with The Board. Down to the method of communication alone, blasting divided concepts into Jesse’s thoughts that are literally shattering into synonyms because they don’t quite understand human language is just...aaaaaaahhhh, so good. And then The Foundation, my favorite DLC out of the two: So much expansion on the lore of both The Board and The House itself. The implication that The Board may, in fact, be just as much of an intruder as the Hiss are is chilling, and of course, The Foundation gave us even more Emily/Jesse ship fuel and development so like come on. As for the AWE DLC: I know a lot of people were disappointing with it, and I get that! Don’t get me wrong, when it ended, I literally went: “Wait, that’s it? That can’t be it.” I was expecting something roughly around the same length as the Foundation, and I think other people were too. Once I got over the initial surge, though, I sat down and really thought about it.  Story and content wise, Foundation is 100% the better DLC. But gameplay-wise? Oh man, AWE was so much more thrilling. I think this lends to Remedy’s incredibly atmosphere building, but after spending hours of Control feeling like an unstoppable badass, for them to completely turn it on it’s head and make me feel like a rat trapped in a maze, desperately lunging for any light and being utterly terrified of the dark: god, what an amazing fight the entire Third Thing was. The Service Tunnel in particular had me shook, man.  Was AWE short and felt more like a teaser trailer for Alan Wake 2? Yeah. Was it still really fun? Yes. And also, I think people missed out on how much lore we got for CONTROL, as well! Two words: Chester Bless.  So, to sum this completely chaotic post up: I adore CONTROL, every bit of it, and I can’t wait to talk to you y’all about theories, fics, and the like. 

[skvaderarts]

Apocrypha Chapter Thirty One: Hypotheses

Masterlist can be found Here! Thanks!

Chapter Thirty One: Hypothesis

 Note: Thanks for all the positivity and kindness, everyone! I don’t know if I ever say how much that means to me, but even the smallest acts go a long way towards making my day better! Never stop bring the legends you are :D

(-~-)

The atmosphere between them grew tense as a hesitant silence settled over the small room, drawing everyone present into the conversation. Without a single word spoken as to the circumstances that had led to this moment, everyone knew that whatever was about to be spoken into existence wasn’t positive, and neither was the outcome, more than likely. The botanist spared a worried glance over at V, inching towards him slightly in an effort to lend some level of support to him. She somehow knew that this was about him, and the idea that something else could be plaguing him deeply wounded her. Why did the universe seem to have it out for him? He was such a lovely person!

Vergil gave his younger twin a curious look, his brow furrowing slightly as he folded his arms across his chest. He spared a glance over at V as if asking if it was about him, earning him a subtle but confirming nod from his younger brother. While he was admittedly not too keen on the fact that Trish was present once again, he was willing to force himself to tolerate her, at least for a few minutes. It was beyond him how his twin managed to have such a healthy relationship with her. But then again, they hadn’t had the kind of interactions that he and her had had on Malet island. Or he was willing to guess that, at least.

“... This is about me, isn’t it?” V said quietly. He was still reclined against the wall, tired and somewhat taken aback as to how quickly things had gone downhill since he’d woken up. He just couldn’t catch a break, could he? Was it too late to go back to sleep and just pretend he didn’t hear anything going on around him?

Sparing his son something akin to an understanding look, Vergil turned his attention back to Dante. At least somewhat. Visually, he was keeping a close eye on V, somewhat curious as to how he’d come to that conclusion so quickly.“ What is this about?”

Working off of the assumption that Vergil was talking to him and not to V, Dante stepped forward slightly. This was one of those situations that required him to simply spit it out and explain later, lest he run the risk of his older twin possibly not taking him as seriously as the situation at hand demanded. “Trish has a hunch I think you should listen to. It’s about the cult and why they might want V.”

Although the concept of having to talk to the blond devil that so closely resembled his tragically deceased mother made him physically ill and undeniably furious all at once, Vergil hesitantly nodded. It was best to simply get this over with and here what she had to say. Then he could go back to more pressing matters like trying to forget that she was around and how uncomfortable that constantly made him. “What is it then?”

Shaking her head slightly with an inaudible sigh, Trish stepped forward slightly. She knew from the get-go that this wasn’t going to be easy, and was more than certain that Vergil was only tolerating the concept of this conversation for the sake of his son, especially considering their past with one another, but a part of her was actually somewhat relieved that he was willing to do that much. There's had been a checkered past filled with unspeakable trauma and torment, most of which had been at the hands of her former master. And while she knew that and she was somewhat certain that he understood that as well, it didn’t make anything about the situation at hand any less uncomfortable and unfortunate.

“It occurred to me that Dante said that the inhabitants of Vie De Marli, these guardians that Dante told me the Arcana belonged to… your father helped create it and together they sealed away a powerful demon.” Trish paused for a moment to confirm that Vergil was actually still listening to her before continuing, still hesitant but aware of the fact that she needed to say what was on her mind regardless.” I think that this cult might be after V because he is a descendant of Sparda. They might be trying to create a new Hellgate. Why try to break the seals your father put in place when you can just start from scratch? For a moment, Vergil fell silent, considering the possible negative ramifications of such an action. While he was unsure as to if that was possible, it seemed plausible considering their previous actions. But that raised so many questions. To what end would they be opening this gate? What had drawn them out of hiding in the first place? And most importantly, why had they picked V? What made him such an alluring prize? Something about this entire situation seemed personal on Belial’s behalf, and the Darkslayer couldn’t place what it was. Regardless, he wasn’t going to let that happen. Not for the sake of the human world. That was the least of his concerns. No. He needed to protect his sons. He was now strong enough to do so, and he wasn’t going to let anything stand between him and his own children ever again.

With an annoyed sigh, Vergil ran his hands down his face, totally unsure as to how all of this happened and why. There was simply nothing to be done about it, was there? “... And how do you suppose we should amend this situation? Visiting this secret order of yours seems like it might be a good place to start.”

Both Dante and Trish nodded in agreement. Yes, visiting the isle of the guardians did seem like a somewhat sensible idea despite the vast distance between them and the amount of time that had passed since Dante had paid the place a visit. The only issue at hand was the total lack of usable information at hand, and the fact that V was in no condition to travel. Oh, that was two things. V seemed to key into this, seemingly thinking quietly as Magnolia sat down next to him, seemingly pondering her merits of dragging him back out into the elements so soon.

“The cult has been destroyed, has it not? It should take a considerable amount of time for Belial to regain a foothold in the human realm, especially one with the kind of numbers he previously possessed.” She gave V’s forearm a gentle squeeze as if to reassure him, smiling softly when he glanced over at him.”... I think for the moment you should all look into things and all this one to rest and fully recover. I don’t think he will ever fully regain his strength if he continues to show up at my door in the state that he was in a few days ago. Keep your feelers out, but don’t overdo it?”

To say that Vergil was uncomfortable with all of his options would be an understatement. In all honesty, he felt the need to do both of those things, but he didn’t know how to compartmentalize them. For the moment, he would take her advice and turn his attention to other matters. Investigating things on his own might not be a bad idea, at least until V was capable of making the trek to… wherever this place was. “We came down here for something, Magnolia. What was it”

She looked at him strangely for a moment before a look of realization crossed her face. How could she forget so quickly? Perhaps her concern that they would ask V to leave before he was ready to in an understandable attempt to seek out answers had distracted her. For a moment, she had to remind herself that everyone in the room was an adult and as such, was capable of making their own decisions. Even if she didn’t like the decisions they could make, she was willing to accept them. 

“Ah yes… I was going to show you this.” She said as she stood up and walked over to the bedside table on the opposite side of the bed. She opened the door and produced a familiar black book, drawing V’s attention as he blinked away to confusion that he felt upon seeing it once again. He’d forgotten that he even grabbed that. Everything from the moment he’d triggered to waking up in the bed that he now found himself in seemed like a surreal fever dream from his current viewpoint. Although he wasn’t in any sort of pain, he was somewhat sore and extremely tired, despite his several day long slumber. It was a feeling that he was starting to become accustomed to, and he hated that.

“I forgot about that book… The cultist I fought, Agreus. He dropped that sometime before falling into the conduit.” V paused for a moment to catch his breath, suddenly feeling somewhat weaker than he had previously.” He was reading some sort of incantation out of it in between the stabbings he inflicted upon me. I didn’t understand enough of it to relay anything beneficial.”

The twins glanced between one another momentarily, contemplating the implications of what V had just said. The fact that he might be able to understand even a little bit of what was being said by those deranged idiots was fascinating to them, and they couldn’t help but wonder how that was possible. Had V taken up dead languages in school or something? Hell, had he even been to school? It was impossible to tell for sure, but they were willing to bet on that possibility, especially considering his linguistic capabilities. You couldn’t pick up old English without being able to read first

Could you?

“It actually might be a good thing that you found that, V. I’ll see if I can read any of it.” Trish said with a nod as she glanced over at Magnolia, waiting for her to hand her the book. She was surprised when the botanist shook her head, recoiling her hand with a disturbed look on her face.

“Sorry, dear. I wish I could, but this book is… challenging to read to say the least. It seems to have some sort of hex on it that keeps it from being read by an inexperienced reader. Simply mispronouncing something by accident could have nasty consequences.” Magnolia placed the book down on the bedside table, stepping away from it as if it contained a strain of some sort of infectious, flesh eating disease.” I’m working on a solution, however. Give me some time. I’d hate to see you hurt, or worse. You seem like a nice girl.”

Trish had to actually remind herself that Magnolia was probably older than her for a moment, simply folding her arms around her waist loosely and nodding in agreement. The blond devil had seen such cursed books before in her line of work, and she’d seen what happened when amateurs ventured beyond their realm of expertise. Sometimes the best way to seal your own doom was to meddle with magical artifacts that you had no business going anywhere in the vicinity of in the first place, and a cursed book that had been in the possession of a powerful cultist who had served a one of the most volatile demon princes certainly qualified as far as she was concerned. All she could do was hope that Magnolia’s lead panned out and go from there, but she wasn’t used to feeling so utterly useless. While it was true that she might have cracked the code in regards to the cult, that didn’t change the fact that she still felt the need to do something more substantial. It wasn’t in her nature to simply sit and wait for others to do things that she could do herself, but the problem was that she had no idea where to start.

“If we cannot read the book, and V cannot travel, then what do you propose we do in the meantime?” Vergil said, somewhat miffed but concealing it relatively well. He didn’t like all this sitting around and doing nothing while their enemies gained power and numbers, possibly preparing themselves for a retaliatory attack. But if they couldn’t leave town, and they couldn’t read the book, Vergil would have to find something to do with his time to keep himself from falling back on his old, self destructive habits.

Magnolia shrugged her head ambiguous. “I wish I possessed a satisfactory answer to that question, Vergil. For now, all I can tell you is that you should probably keep an eye on that conduit, and that V need to take the proper time to rest and recover from his injuries. I don’t think I need to explain that it can talk quite a long time to recover from these sorts of wounds, even after they have healed, and adjusting to new abilities is much the same as that. Pushing him too far will only make things worse in the long run.”

Dante nodded and turned towards the door, intent on leaving the room to go and do other things. If that was all that could be done for the moment, then he would have to work with it. He’d done more with less in the past. All he could hope for was the best while preparing for the worst. It was the same as it had always been, just with a different threat that he knew considerably less about. Perhaps the best course of action was to study their enemy and learn everything they could in the interim. “Seems about right. I’m going to head back to the office. Morrison should be around sometime soon with another job for me to do that won’t make me any money.”

Vergil spared his twin brother a glance, half agreeing and half wondering how he could possibly be doing work for this middleman and not be making anything. Was he withholding payment? Did he owe him in some way. He had been wanting to look into Dante’s financial reports for some time now. One could only hope they were not anything like the state of his kitchen utensils, because if they were, he’d have his work cut out for him. How his brother had survived this long without him around to micromanage things was beyond him and, frankly, he found himself morbidly impressed when it came to this aspect of his twin brother’s fortitude. He’d killed countless demon cockroaches that were less resilient than Dante, and none of them had managed to dig themselves as far into a hole as his hapless younger twin had. It was astounding to say the least how different they were from one another in that regard.

“Since he is awake, I will accompany you. I shall return later.” Vergil said as he turned towards his oldest son, giving him a calm look as if to run this decision by him. He wasn’t looking for approval, but he was expecting recognition in regards to his spoken statement. V nodded slightly, sitting up to watch the trio leave the room. Dante waived over his shoulder as Trish said her goodbyes, dashing out of the room behind them. 

As soon as they left, Magnolia let out a pained sigh, turning her attention back towards V. He slumped over slightly, debating the merits of simply going back to bed for the time being. There was a certain level of discomfort that he operated at at all times, but this surpassed that threshold by a staggering degree. It was as if something had sucked all the energy out of his body and replaced blood with molasses. He simply felt… dreary and slow, as if he were encompassed in a fog that he couldn’t cut through. But he was sure that with time he would overcome it like he always did. Simply laying down and accepting his fate wasn’t something he was accustomed to, and he had no plans of doing so anytime soon.

“How are you fairing, love? You seem tired. Incredible considering how long you’ve been asleep.” Magnolia said with a soft smile. Seeing him awake put her heart at ease. It was her sincere hope to never see him hurt in the way that he had been when he’d arrived at her door a few nights prior. She’d left her clan years ago to avoid the type of senseless bloodshed she’s witnessed that day. To see someone so young with such talent and potential mortally wounded with nowhere else to turn for help… it made her fearful for the day that she knew she would no longer be able to assist her companions and sad for anyone else in his situation with no one like her in their lives. It was a harsh world that they lived in, and it was her life’s work to try and nullify that suffering, even if only by a small margin. She’d grown quite fond of both Nero and V, so keeping an eye on them both seemed like a good idea. After all, their father was nothing but trouble.

To be fair, that was part of why she was friends with Vergil in the first place… but still.

V stretched his back slightly, moaning in a mixture of discomfort and relief as his back popped, relieving the pressure that he felt in his body. It was pleasant in the same way that scratching a bruise might be, but only for a moment. “I’ll survive, I suppose. Thank you for asking. I appreciate your compassion.”

She smiled brightly, resisting the urge to fluff his hair like an especially naughty puppy. Magnolia sometimes had to remind herself that he didn’t enjoy being touched by other people. If only she’d been around when he was a child to show him the care and attention he clearly lacked. She knew what a survivor of a miserable childhood looked like, and she didn’t need to hear more about what he’d been through to read the signs. Part of her loathed the fact that she couldn’t do more to help him in that regard. The past could be an especially painful place. “I think I might head into the kitchen and bake something. Care for some tea?”

A pleasantly surprised look passed over the young summoner’s face as he nodded in agreement, turning towards the edge of the bed. “Better yet, I think I shall join you. My only other option is to sit here and go back to sleep, and I’m quite sure I’ve done enough of that, at least for the next few hours.”

There was a part of her that wanted to protest him standing up, but she knew that he needed to. There was no use in him laying there and locking up when he could be helping her out. Yes, she would help him by allowing him to help her and she would keep an eye on him while doing so. And in return, she would get to see if he was any good at baking. The afternoon was looking more interesting after all!

“Very well then, love. Follow me. And try not to lose your footing on the way. I can’t imagine that sleeping for nearly three days has improved your center of balance.”

He stopped dead in his tracks and balanced.

Three days?

For heaven’s sake…

(-~-)

I have two things to say. One, this is the first chapter I’ve written on my new PC! I think I’m in love with this mechanical keyboard! I’ve never used one before, but omg, the sound is satisfying! Oh, and two. I just realized that V has yet to copiously quote William Blake. I need to get on that. Maybe he just hasn’t been in the right headspace! I have some fun stuff planned for the next chapter. Sorry if this one was slow. Writing the dialogue chapters is super fun for me! See you all on Wednesday!

[hnd1bphoto-geraldmcmillan]

Personal Project - An Overview (of sorts)

While I had finally decided to dedicate my project to a theme of “Still Life: Historical Perspectives”, as detailed in my approach essay, this decision had not  been arrived at easily. My essay also discussed another theme that had interested me, “Suburban Eerie”, as I had described it, as it alluded to the narrative-driven and somewhat surreal images of Gregory Crewdson, mainly.

When the coronavirus restrictions and lockdown put paid to any meaningful progress for my Still Life theme, I was left wondering, but not too much, about alternative possibilities. There was some confusion about what would and what would not be needed to continue to engage with the curriculum and indeed the course content. I was grateful for the efforts of Laura Liebnitz and then Iain Campbell for the regular Zoom meetings they co-ordinated that inspired, educated and entertained when no regular classes could be held.  I discussed with Iain a possible fall-back option for my graded unit that meant I could attempt some kind of “Suburban Eerie” as an alternative to my original planned theme.

Gregory Crewdson’s images are really easy to find on the web using Google or Bing search engines. One from his “Twilight” series I tentatively thought I would be able to reasonably easily emulate is shown below

I had no doubts that it would be more complicated than it initially appeared, but I really liked the tension and mystery of this photograph.  The twilight setting and the dramatic lighting lend a really strong cinematic effect overall. Plus it could be shot in the garden - lockdown restrictions?- what lockdown restrictions? 

Basically I had 3 weeks to complete my Personal Project - from nailing-down nebulous thoughts and ideas I had toyed with previously, deciding about what subjects and themes I would like photograph, and how, and what resources that I would need.  The “where” was not a problem – chez moi, house, garden and garage, plus I already had in mind a quite photogenic patio area and driveway of my downstairs neighbour.

I recognised that I most probably had a lot more scope than the majority of my fellow students given the lockdown restrictions, plus I wasn’t starting from scratch as far as an idea of theme was concerned.  What I didn’t have was much equipment. I had ordered a Neo II light from Wex UK online shop – if the online shop option hadn’t been available, then I don’t believe I could have continued with the graded unit. However the Neo II light was out of stock.  I “lost” almost a week waiting for this to become available. The time was not actually lost – OK, I wasn’t shooting, but I carried out more research and a few recce shots of emulated Crewdson-type set-ups.

I also planned what other type of shots and where I wanted to shoot, from what direction and what poses I wanted from my models (my wife and step-daughter – to whom I’m currently about a million points in deficit brownie-points). I quickly realised that one single Neo II light was not going to be sufficient (unsurprisingly, with hindsight) for my lighting needs for the shots I wanted.  The researched  photo study shown below for a “relatively simple” indoor shot of Crewdson was a bit of a blow to my new-found optimism.

(photo courtsey of https://alecsothblog.wordpress.com/category/ aesthetics/ )

After carrying out further research of WEX website, I decided to hire 2 sets of Rotolights (Neo 3-light and Aeos 2-light kits) from WEX Rental.  I considered that the two lighting kits would cover all eventualities. I hadn’t used either the Neo II or the Aeos lights previously, but I watched Youtube videos of photographers using Rotolights, and I felt that the hired kits would allow me to create the atmospheric light conditions I wanted to achieve.  I also felt I would be able to combine some of the disciplines I learned from earlier studio lighting work, and also the location work I undertook earlier this year as part of my Artisan video shoot where I used College resource LED lighting and colour gels to achieve what I felt was a well-lit set-up.

A fellow student (Julie Balfour Ferguson) had suggested that WEX might offer a “try-before-you-buy” scheme, so I was very grateful to have been given that “heads-up” which allowed me to resolve my resources issue.

The time frame became very compressed. I could only hire the two Rotolight kit sets for a limited time – 5 nights from 15th-19th May inclusive. This would leave left me 8 days to complete post-production editing and optimisation of selected images, plus write-ups of my Workbook and Evaluation for submission.

Images I wanted to “emulate” included those below:

I had to experiment quite a bit with my hired Rotolights to try to re-create the effect I wanted.  However I didn’t want just to emulate Crewdson’s work, I wanted to develop some compositions of my own as well.  This again took quite a bit of experimentation with my lights.

The actual shooting went quite well; above all I was really lucky with dry and temperate weather for my outdoor shots. My models were patient for the most part, well sometimes, anyway, but the most important thing is that nobody got hurt.  I ended up having to shoot quite late in some evenings, so that wasn’t ideal. Also when shooting in the downstairs neighbour’s driveway, the illumination of the 5 Rotolights being used attracted the attention of a police helicopter and we got circled at close quarters 3 times.

Results are shown below, maybe starting with some of the patio shots using the above lighting set-up:

I also got another couple of extra shots of different set-ups for submission in case I needed more diversity:

I definitely think I would not choose to work under quite so much time pressure again. It’s good to be efficient, of course, but I was on a learning curve for example with the hired Rotolights and I can’t be 100% certain I got the very best out of their capabilities.  That said I can’t say I am unhappy with the shots I did finally achieved and selected.

The positives I’m taking out of this Project are:-

·        personal satisfaction at being able to tackle a project that really interests me

·        buckling down and working hard to deliver said projects within a tight timeframe

·        solving problems of resources and equipment

·        being able to call on skills I’d previously learned in the course, e.g. use of LED lighting when shooting my Artisan video, also post-production optimisation of deliberately under-exposed shots such as for my Recycle submission

·        networking with fellow students for advice and suggestions (especially JBF for me personally – but there was a good internal support network for HND 1B among the majority of students)

·        that the money I spent on PHLEARN.com subscription finally yielded some payback

My Photoshop skills still leave a lot to be desired, so I need to work more on that, but I feel I have come a good way forward in recent weeks in this respect.

I am still a bit breathless from the shoot and post production and write-ups. When my pulse and blood pressure drop down a bit to near humanly acceptable levels, I’ll revisit my images again and re-consider what I might have done better, I’m sure.

It was actually a quite intense period, but with a bit of planning, drive and determination, I think I’ve delivered a not-too-shabby effort under the circumstances.

[laughingpinecone]

Trick or Treat 2020 letter!

I am laughingpineapple on AO3  

Hello dear author! I hope you’ll have fun with our match. Feel free to draw from general or fandom-specific likes, past letters, and/or follow your heart.

All requests are art or fic - for art, the stuff I like is the kind that depicts the characters doing something. I’ll always be happier with a very simple drawing of two characters walking together or sharing a cup of coffee than with an ambitious composition that looks like an Avengers poster. I also enjoy seeing them wear different clothes, getting a feel of what their fashion sense is like beyond their canon outfit(s).

Likes: worldbuilding, slice of life (especially if the event the fic focuses on is made up but canon-specific), missing moments, 5+1 and similar formats, bonding and emotional support/intimacy, physical intimacy, lingering touches, loyalty, casefic, surrealism, magical realism, established relationships, future fic, hurt/comfort or just comfort from the ample canon hurt, throwing characters into non-canon environments, banter, functional relationships between dysfunctional individuals, unexplained mysteries, bittersweet moods, journal/epistolary fic, dreams and memories and identities, canon-adjacent tropey plots, outsider POV, UST, resolved UST, exploration of secondary bits of canon, leaning on the uniqueness of the canon setting/mood, found families, characters reuniting after a long and/or harrowing time, friends-to-lovers, road trips, maps, mutual pining, cuddling, wintry moods, the feeling of flannel and other fabrics, ridiculous concepts played straight, sensory details, sickfic, places being haunted, people being haunted, the mystery of the woods, small hopes in bleak worlds, electricity, places that don’t quite add up, mismatched memories, caves and deep places, distant city lights at night, emphasis on non-human traits of non-human characters (gen-wise, but also a hearty yes xeno for applicable ships), emphasis on inhuman traits of characters who were human once and have sort of shed it all behind

Cool with: any tense, any pov, any rating, plotty, not plotty, IF, nerdy canon references, unrequested characters popping up.

DNW: non-canonical rape, non-canonical children, focus on children, unrequested ships (background established canon couples are okay, mentions of parents are okay!), canon retellings, consent issues

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Hurdy

I love the game’s world and all the little stories and legends that fill it. Great atmosphere, great lore, so if you feel like getting a little worldbuildy and indulging in the scenery and its story, please do! A focus on the sense of camaraderie in a caravan would also be great (like people could do on Gamecube.....). Hurdy’s a bit of an odd duck for that theme, but maybe he hitched a ride at some point? With whom? Amidatty or De Nam maybe, among the nominated characters? I love the whole cast so anyone goes. Do they travel together enough for them to cotton onto the weirdness of the whole Gurdy situation? Got any run-in with Lady Mio? Or what’s his status after the miasma is lifted, can he go back to Tipa, can he/they begin to heal? What does healing even look like for him and Gurdy?

Ghost Trick: Cabanela

You know.. him. Dazzlingly OTT, untiring, rock-solid self-esteem, loyal to a fault, following a rhythm of his own, flawless intuition until it fails and it all burns down... him. I just want to see more of him doing stuff! The way he’s chill and open toward new people (like Sissel and Missile in ch15) makes him perfect to throw at most other characters and see how they react to the sparkles... I’d love some focus on how ridiculous his aesthetic is, half Saturday Night Fever half hardboiled detective half bubbly preteen (for a total of 150%) and yet he makes it work. Or how ruthless he can be, possibly for the sake of the people he cares for. The quote “The intimacy of big parties”. Him and Alma in the new timeline bonding over knowing (once Jowd has spilled the beans) but not remembering that terrible timeline. Some tropey scenario on the job. Snark-offs with Pigeon Man, by which I mean PM snarks and it bounces off him like water off a spotless white goose’s back. Dreaming Sissel but he’s strange... and wrong?

Ship-wise it’s only Cabanela/Jowd whenever it’s not infidelity, Cabanela/Alma in what-ifs and Cabanela/Alma/Jowd for me (and Lynne/Memry and Yomiel/fianSissel on the side). There are a bunch of shippy prompts in all my past letters - I would however reiterate here that Jowd. is. the worst tease. always.

Conversely, Cabanela/Lynne and Cabanela/Yomiel are NOTPs especially from Cabanela’s side. So while I appreciate the thick tension of a good Yomiel VS Cabanela confrontation like everyone and their cat, and also really appreciate a roughed-up Cabanela, and I do love Yomiel in his own right... I don’t want Cabanela being into it. Adrenaline junkie he may be but this hurts and his coat’s a mess and there’s no perfect winning scenario so he hates every second of it. (JOWD being into it is another matter altogether and he should probably mind his own business)

Kentucky Route Zero: Carrington, Cate

Act after act, intermission after intermission, I somehow didn’t see the arts rising to such a dominant theme in KRZ and it’s stuck with me since the ending finally hit. It’s great and moving. So! Who better than good ol’ antler man to linger in those feels! Carrington’s playwright adventures or Carrington&anyone you fancy, either way I’d listen to him ramble for a week and I would like to know more about his big dramatic plans. Or maybe him helping someone, more or less accidentally, by offering his unique takes? Overriding my “no canon retellings” DNW for a hot second, did he ever figure out what was going down in the Death of the Hired Man (or Nap of the Hired Man as the case may be) interlude?

For Cate, I’m mostly interested in two things: life on the river and mushrooms. Maybe both! The Echo river ecosystem is intensely fascinating to me as opposed to life on the surface and life on the Zero, and yet all these environments are permeable. So what’s a moment in her daily life that encapsulates the river? Someone they picked up on the Mammoth, a strange island that popped up at some point? Cate&Will bonding extremely welcome, I’m love Will. And then there’s the mushroom hunting. I don’t know much about mushrooms, but I do know that they’re cool. Cate seems to agree, so if you’ve got a story or pic in you about her and them mushrooms, I’d love to see it.

Pyre: Volfred Sandalwood

This is a Volfred solo, Volfred&literally anyone or Volfred/Tariq, /Oralech or /Tariq/Oralech request. If &Manley or &Brighton, I am not interested in more lenient takes on their characters than canon’s. fwiw I also enjoy Jodi/Celeste and Bertrude/Pamitha a lot!

I feel deeply for all of Pyre’s main themes - literacy, degrees of freedom, the fragile time that is the end of a historical cycle, nobodies rising up to the occasion, building a better society, and of course found family, “distance cannot separate our spirits” and all that jazz, and Volfred is squarely rooted at the center of all of them. Just please tell me things about my fave. His relationship to the Scribes (as a historian, a some kind of vision, via *ae or once he’s a star himself)? A ‘forced vacay’ Downside ending where he looks at the Union from afar and keeps living in this strange transformational place? Life in a cramped Blackwagon that was meant for like 5 people tops and is currently eight Nightwings, a herald and an orb? Since he picked him for the job to begin with, does he respect and cherish Hedwyn as he dang well should? What does it feel like to try and Read a herald? Was he ever in danger, in the Commonwealth or in the Downside? Does he puff up as prime minister because he’s nervous, and who can see past his hyper-professionalism and lend a hand? Please roast him big time about the votes he assigns to the various Nightwings in his planner? What’s his attitude toward the flame’s purification (what with being a tree but mostly like, as a general concept. He did nothing wrong!) (well he definitely said some things wrong and sometimes oftentimes the ego jumps out, but his intentions did nothing wrong)? When did his calculating approach fail him? Something with Pamitha along the lines of that edit that goes “Can we talk, one ten to another?"/"I am an eleven, my girl, but continue."? btw that ‘emphatically yes xeno’ from my general likes is only applicable here I guess so: emphatically yes xeno to both shippy interactions at all ratings and to gen explorations of what a Sap is like...

Shenmue: Qiu Hsu, Xianzi Bei

Cormorants... kung fu... cormorant kung fu. They turned out to be my faves in a very likeable cast and I’d love to see either or both of them slice-of-life-ing it up in Niaowu, or anywhere up or down the river. The rest of the cast is welcome to join! Did Ren end up at Liu He Hall for whatever reason, or did Shenhua chat up a cormorant, as she does? Id love to see a spookier mood too! Ghost story time in Liu Jiao shrine maybe?

The Silver Case: Catherine, Kodai Sumio, Kuroyanagi Shinko, Kusabi Tetsugorou, Macalister Edo, Morishima Tokio

I‘m all for the surrealism, big things being introduced and never picked up again, Rashomon’ing it up with six explanations for the same thing where no single one can be true, people dying and then popping up again like nbd...  maybe the thing I like the most is characters transcending their humanity and looming over the dystopian world like ominous avatars. Correctness’ first ending had me swooning, that kind of mood is unparalleled. I have played TSC, FSR and 25W so far and have vague memories of K7. I’m aware of the “everything’s connected” readings but that’s not my main interest in these games. Mainly I see Lospass as a real island but also a metaphysical  place of transformation first and foremost, where strange things happen that don’t make sense elsewhere, but I’m good with anything that works for your story! There are a few & prompts for these fine folks in my Press Start letter [here].

For Catherine, I’d love to see something along the lines of her YAMI appearance, on Lospass on her own or hanging out with another character of your choice (or Tokio again). Sumio leaves me at a loss for words... if you’ve played 25W, maybe an expansion of his [intense ethereal whooshing] moment? He’s a gust away from vanishing from existence altogether... &Sakura and/or &/Tetsu if you want. Or his time in prison or a return to Lospass or whatever’s going on with that one, really. For Shinko I’m itching for different team-ups! Throw her at anyone you like and see what happens! FSR-era Tetsu could be cool, or off-the-grid Tetsu, or Tetsu&anyone... as for Edo, I’d be curious to see his pov on anyone and anything! WAS the Flower Sun and Rain the friends we met along the way? And Tokio... oh Tokio. Something about older Tokio and his gaggle of tulpas (Slash and whatshisface from YUKI who looks suspiciously like YAMI Tokio himself?)? Any...thing...about any part of his life from Lifecut onwards? Any portentous encounters?

[poisoned-monkey]

Look through the bushes and what do you see?-Komahinanami

This for @toto-doodles for the @danganevents valentines exchange! 

It was Chiaki’s idea to go greet him first.

           There was house on the way home from school. It was large and imposing, the type of house a rich person would probably have. There was a large gate around the property as well with what mom likes to call “privacy bushes” ensconced the entire thing. As a result, it was hard to even get a peak inside.

           But we found a hole in their defenses, a little spot with a bit of rot that made a peeping hole. I was curious, as any kid my age would be, and looked inside with Chiaki pressing against me. I chose to ignore the butterflies in my stomach at the closeness.

           Nothing really special caught my eye until I heard Chiaki whisper in my ear, a hushed mixture of wonder and curiosity.

           I looked to what had garnered her attention. Almost behind the imposing tree that stood in the yard was a boy, probably around our age, reading a plump book. It wasn’t like I was particularly shocked to see another person there, it was just his appearance was abnormal.

           His hair was quite frankly a mess, wavy and curling in on itself, like he hadn’t brushed in a good while. The paleness of his hair only made his skin seem that much sallower.

           My cheeks warmed as Chiaki bumped her hip into mine.

           “Hajime, He’s so cute, isn’t he?”

           I swallowed dryly and nodded three times. Once to let her know I was listening. Twice to show I agreed. Third for enthusiasm.

           We looked on a couple more minutes before something occurred to me.          

           “Aren’t we, uh, being a little creepy? You know, watching him like this?”

           Chiaki tore her eyes away for a moment and tapped her chin in thought.

           “Probably, we should go…I think”

           We each gave one more look before we headed further up the sidewalk. We were both lost in thought. Probably with the same questions circling through our heads.

           Who was that?

             A weeks’ worth of evenings passed and a rule was established because we were noisy people apparently. We would walk by the rich house, go to the sickly bush just on the side of the house, and peep in on the boy. But only for five minutes, because if it was just for five minutes then it didn’t make us creeps. Or at least that was the reasoning we had.

           The boy was always there. Under the tree and seated on a little white blanket, reading a different thick book each day.

           There was something…different about him. Something we couldn’t just leave alone.

           It was lunch break on one particularly plain day and Chiaki was seated across me as always but with a far-off look in her eyes. It wasn’t the usual sleepy daze and about the fourth time I watched her miss her mouth with a bit of oncoming food before I decided to say something.

           “Chiaki, is something wrong?” I said as I waved my hand in front of her face which seemed to snap her out of it.

           “Nothings wrong… just thinking” She says cryptically, managing to finally procur some food.

           I motion for her to continue “About?”

           Chiaki points her fork towards the empty seat to my left. The seat that has been empty since the beginning of the school year. Sure, there were lots of rumors about why it was always empty and the teachers didn’t have much to say about it either but Chiaki never seemed to care about much of anything of that sort. At least when it wasn’t a video game.

           “I was thinking about…that boy and how we’ve never seen him right? So, he could probably be the person who sits there”

           I nodded and thought about it. It made sense, I surmised. I mean he did look to be around our age and out of all the things I’ve heard about the kid who is supposed to sit here, the most plausible one was that they were just sick. The boy sort of had a sickly aura about him. His skin looked too pale to be healthy.

           “Maybe so” I say slowly, also a bit lost in thought. I wonder if he’s been getting all of our assignments sent to him?

           “Hajime, I have an idea…I think”

           You think you have an idea…? I thought with a small smile

           “Yeah?”

           “We should go say hi to him…instead of just staring at him” She said with a dose of determination “We should see if he wants to be friends with us”.

           It was strange to see her so fired up about something that wasn’t a video game but I could understand her enthusiasm. Solve a semester long mystery and make a friend.

           “I think that’s a good idea” I say in agreement.

We also won’t be creeps anymore…not that we were in the first place.

           Chiaki seemed happy that I agreed with her and settled down with her game console.

           “Right…we’ll do it this evening”

           I was a bit startled. So soon!?

           There wasn’t much precedence in how we approached this situation. Or at least in how Chiaki did. We took our usual way home and ventured to the now familiar gap. She stuck her face through the bars and before I could stop her, she called out.

           “Hey!”

           The boy immediately stopped and looked over, confusion muddling that serene face we always saw. It was sort of like a painting coming to life in that moment. Surreal but also very real at the same time.

           Chiaki tried again, smiling through the bars “Hey! Do you want to be friends?”

           It was a moment before the boy scrambled up from his seats and looked at us with flushed cheeks.

           “Y-yes!”

           That was how we “officially” met Nagito Komaeda.

             It was another lazy evening, that we were once again curled up on that familiar white blanket. Chiaki was playing a game as usual and I was struggling through math homework.

           Nagito smiled pleasantly down at me, a book in his lap “Do want some help Hajime?”

           It had been a month since we had first spoke too Nagito and we became acquainted. But it really felt like we had known him a lot longer somehow, in a weird way. At the same time though, we didn’t know much about him because he didn’t really like answering personal questions. Chiaki and I didn’t mind though, it didn’t really matter if he was the missing kid in our class or not. We were just glad to be around him. Nagito was like our personal secret.

           We were friends in the easy way that kids are.

           “Are you any good at math?” I ask incredulously.

           He laughed brightly “Fairly, it’s my favorite subject” Nagito went on to talk about the beautiful way numbers went together but I wasn’t really listening. I was stuck on the way his face looked when he talked about something he enjoyed, the way his lips would curl ever so slightly and his eyes crinkle in the way when someone is happy.

           I didn’t really know I could be this poetic or sentimental. But maybe all the books Nagito lends us and insists on us reading has helped beef up my vocabulary.

           It was at that moment Chiaki groaned and raised up “I don’t get it…” she said, scowling at the screen.

           Nagito glanced over at her and tilted his head “Get what?”

           “This” She shoved her console close to our faces and on the screen was a crying bride and a big “Game Over” slapped across the picture. “I’m not very good at these types of games…”

           Ah, it must have been a dating sim. Chiaki was notoriously bad at those.

           “Why do you keep playing them then?” I ask, shoving my homework into my bag. I decided that math can wait till that last possible moment like usual. “What’s this one even about?”

           Chiaki puffed up her cheeks and stared down at the console again “because I want to be good at them… and it’s about these three ladies who want to get married to the protagonist before the monochromatic bear blows up the world” She thumbed at the joy stick a few times dejectedly.

           Nagito patted her leg and smiled at her “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get better at these types of games someday”

           I let out a short laugh “I don’t know, she’s pretty bad at them” I say teasingly which elicited a light punch from Chiaki.

           “Ah! I have an idea!” Nagito said and ushered us up on our feet. We both looked on in puzzlement as he grabbed the blanket off the ground and dusted it off.

           “Maybe you’ll get better…” he said draping the cloth over Chiaki’s head “With some practice!” He said with a little flourish of the hands.

           Chiaki blushed a little and pulled at the thin cloth “You want to practice having a wedding…?”

           Nagito nodded, fidgeting with his hands “It might help, I could be the minister and Hajime could be the groom”.

           I felt my cheeks heat up at the thought of being in a wedding, even a pretend one. But the idea just didn’t feel right somehow.

           Chiaki seemed to consider this but shook her head “No, that’s not right…”

           Nagito seemed to falter a little bit “O-oh I guess it was sort of a dumb idea-“ he started before Chiaki placed the fabric across his head.

           “It’s not a dumb idea…I just feel like you would be a better bride” Chiaki smiled tenderly at him “Yep, Nagito is a beautiful bride, don’t you think so Hajime?”.

           I nodded in an instant, struck by how pretty Nagito was at that moment.

           Nagito seemed speechless for a second before his face turned a bright red, all the way to his ears, that only seemed highlighted by pale features and blanket. But then he broke into a smile.

           “Yep, me and Hajime will both be your grooms so nobody is left out” Chiaki seemed pleased with her idea “Nobody will be left out and we can all be together”.

           I wanted to tell Chiaki this was probably why she was bad at dating sims but I couldn’t help but be happy with the idea as well.

           “How about we make a promise? that we’ll always stay together no matter what happens” I say through the happy atmosphere. I was just overcome with the feeling of wanting this moment to last forever that I couldn’t help but voice my thoughts.

           There wasn’t any hesitation on their part. They both nodded so fast I thought they were going to hurt something.

           We smiled at one another and Nagito added quietly “it’s a promise”

           It felt like nothing could break that promise. But a few days later, someone told us about that house we were always visiting. You know what they said?

           A kid named Nagito Komaeda died there a while back.

[eggoreviews]

Gorillaz - The Now Now ALBUM REVIEW

I’ve been a pretty big fan of Gorillaz since I was a toddler, so I love pretty much all of their music (except Samba at 13. I never really could get behind the six minutes of intense drumming, not to mention that heavily cursed music video) and, considering past massive hiatuses (hiati?), it’s kind of unheard of to get two Gorillaz albums in two consecutive years. So click below for a track-by-track review of their latest effort, The Now Now!

The Now Now feels a hell of a lot different to 2017′s Humanz for several pretty major reasons. The style of the music and the distinct lack of collaborations. After the sprawling, chaotic epic that was Humanz, Damon Albarn seems to be aiming for something a bit more internal and calm. The Now Now has a consistently calm, spaced out vibe that continues throughout the album and the reason it’s so enjoyable is because it kind of registers a new atmosphere for Gorillaz’ music that they haven’t really attempted before.

The album starts as it means to go on; with a lot of synths and dreamy guitars in its lead single, ‘Humility’ (Can we just appreciate for a sec that Jack Black and the original voice actor for Russel were in the music video?). As always, the lyrical content of this song, as well as the rest of the album, still feels as thoughtful as ever.

My current favourite on the album, Tranz (which sounds more like Pumped Up Kicks in the chorus than I’m willing to admit), is an disjointed, mechanical sounding song that almost has a bit of a haunting quality to it. This is the one song on the album that I would struggle to call as calm as the others.

‘Hollywood’, being the only song on the album with collaborators aside from George Benson’s guitar in ‘Humility’. Jamie Principle’s guest vocals feel just as jumbled and surreal as his appearance on Humanz, but that’s what lends him to this song so well, as it feels like it’s what it needs. Snoop Dogg’s first appearance since Plastic Beach is as on form as ever and fits the chill tone of the song very well (I mean it's Snoop Dogg, how can you not like?)

'Kansas' feels like a bit of a callback to Demon Days, especially in its bassy instrumentation and edgy lyrics. The synths and backing vocals in this song in particular are very Demon Days and they add a lot of character to this song.

'Sorcererz' is a very catchy song and that's its main draw. Albarn's scratchy vocals in this song and the interesting use of percussion make this song stand out a little more too. Again, dreamy synths and a catchy, repetitive drumbeat gives this one a similar vibe to previous songs.

Every Gorillaz album seems to have at least one song that's a little sad and downtempo or at least is stripped back in terms of its instrumentation. 'Idaho' is very much this album's 'Busted and Blue'/'Cloud of Unknowing'. This mid-album track uses acoustic guitars and synths to create a totally different emotion. Listening to this song sort of makes you feel a bit lost, so I'd call this one very atmospheric.

What's even better than the placement of tracks is that 'Idaho' is immediately followed by 'Lake Zurich', a synthy 80s instrumental that washes away the downtrodden atmosphere of the previous song and instantly makes you want to dance. If that isn't Gorillaz, I don't know what is.

'Magic City' sees Albarn's vocals melt into the background of the instrumentation a little more, mostly within the chorus. Again, this song creates a feeling of being lost with the odd instrumentation and rhythmic backing vocals acting as another vague similarity to Demon Days' style.

'Fire Flies' is a bassy song that slowly builds over its course until the calmness of the first minute slowly becomes chaotic, which creates a whole new atmosphere for the latter half of the album.

'One Percent', the shortest song on the album, is a brief indie-like song with synths and samples that make you feel as if you're floating in space, a feeling that is further accentuated by the lyrics relating to 'transmissions' and 'the new world'

'Souk Eye', the album's closing track, sounds like the backing track to a Rayman level on it's opening, with odd sounding synth samples and a jittery acoustic guitar. Like 'Fire Flies', this song builds slowly throughout until it becomes an 80s dance tune with loud, repetitive synths permeating Albarn's lyrics. These synths, along with a dream-like piano, round everything out calmly and in a very surreal way, much like the rest of the album.

Overall, Albarn described this album as a more complete version of The Fall, and I'd say this is a fair description. I wasn't a huge fan of The Fall, but this album genuinely feels much more full and, more importantly, boasts its own unique vibe and musical style that differs from much of their discography. This is a very good album, but it isn't quite their best. It's still one I'll be coming back to plenty of times in the future.

8/10

[dweemeister]

Funny Face (1957)

In stories that evoke Pygmalion, I almost always find that I prefer the subject of the Pygmalion-like makeover as they were before the makeover occurred. Greta Garbo in Ninotchka (1938) is far more interesting as a frumpy Soviet agent than a converted, jovial Westerner; so too for Audrey Hepburn’s Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady (1964) as she turns from flower-selling guttersnipe to mistakenly being identified as distantly-related to Hungarian royalty. So it probably should be no surprise that I preferred Audrey Hepburn, seven years before My Fair Lady, before her transformation in Stanley Donen’s Funny Face. Funny Face is based on an unproduced musical by screenwriter Leonard Gershe and borrows its title and some of the songs from a 1927 George and Ira Gershwin musical of the same name. However, Donen’s Funny Face has a completely different plot, with only four songs from the Gershwin musical included. Nonsensical and foolish as it might seem in love, fashion, and happiness, Funny Face is a stylish musical without many peers.

In New York City, Maggie Prescott (Kay Thompson) is the editor of Quality – a fashion magazine. Maggie confides in her staffers and photographer Dick Avery (Fred Astaire) in a directional change for Quality. With Dick’s advice, Maggie begins looking for a model that can embody, “character, spirit, and intelligence.” Maggie and Dick will find Jo Stockton (Hepburn), a soft-spoken bookstore employee versed in modern philosophy, especially in Emile Flostre’s (Michel Auclair) “empathicalism”, as their unwitting model for the next cover of Quality. Jo – who disdains the fashion industry – longs to travel to Paris to meet Professor Flostre, and (after some convincing by Dick) accepts a modeling opportunity in Paris just to realize that dream. While in Paris, Jo, Dick, and Maggie find themselves in a variety of shenanigans that are appropriate for a musical romantic comedy.

Movie musicals that are not sung through demand that the actors involved provide robust performances and that they can carry a tune unlike Russell Crowe or Clint Eastwood (yes, Clint Eastwood once sang in a movie). With Hepburn, Astaire, and Thompson, those baseline standards are exceeded. Hepburn is the weakest singer of the three central actors (unlike in My Fair Lady, her singing here is entirely in her voice), but she – twenty-seven years old upon Funny Face’s initial release date – always embodied glamor and elegance. Even though less fashionable roles like in The Nun’s Story (1959) and Wait Until Dark (1967) were on the horizon, this is her first lead role in which she doesn’t play a sort of princess or socialite. Yet that, “character, spirit, and intelligence” irrespective of life station shines through in her performance before and after her character becomes a Quality model. Having loved Fred Astaire’s movies during her childhood, she leaped at the chance to work with him. Astaire, being the perfectionist he always was, put Hepburn at ease instantly, and that joy in their acting, dancing, and singing together radiates from the confines of the screen.

Despite the age difference between Astaire and Hepburn (thirty years; not the most sizable gap in an early career where Hepburn was often paired up with much older men – your tolerance will certainly vary), Astaire maintains a charm that he never lost when starring opposite so many actresses. His character of Dick expresses said charm when noting how much he loves Jo’s “Funny Face”. Gershe’s screenplay is aware of how Astaire best operates as an actor – keep it light, keep dialogue simple and concise within the bounds of the characters’ personalities – and allows the actor to succeed. Yet the film’s greatest delight is Kay Thompson as Maggie. Before the devil wore Prada, Kay Thompson urged her coworkers to, “Think pink!” It is through Thompson – better known as a composer an author of the Eloise children’s book series than as an actress – that the film funnels much of its soft-punching satire towards the shallowness of the high fashion world. Thompson is up for the challenge, nailing her humor like a master handyperson.

Thompson is gifted with a damned powerful set of pipes, as evidenced in the opening “Think Pink!” number (music by Roger Edens, lyrics by Gershe). “Think Pink!” – with its abstract art direction by Hal Pereira, George W. Davis, Sam Comer, and Ray Moyer in addition to Ray June’s cinematography and Frank Bracht’s editing – might be dismissed by those unfamiliar with the habits of musical movies of Old Hollywood, but the surrealism involved is among the most stunning in Stanley Donen’s filmography. More than most genres, musicals lend themselves to some degree of surrealism – if you’re suspending your disbelief for minutes at a time as characters are singing about things spontaneously, That surrealism is less apparent in the preexisting songs that appear in Funny Face (those who have listened to enough of the Gershwin brothers’ songs will recognize some of these titles): “He Loves and She Loves”, “How Long Has This Been Going On?” (an excellent showcase of Hepburn’s solid singing voice), and “’S Wonderful” (serving as the finale).

Along with “Think Pink!”, the second notable original song involves all three central actors as they say, “Bonjour, Paris!” (music by Edens, lyrics by Gershe) In just over five minutes, the viewers are treated to a musical montage of 1950s Paris as Hepburn, Astaire, and Thompson sightsee as much of the city as they can soon after touching down at Orly Airport (Charles de Gaulle Airport would not be opened until 1974) – each of their characters, taking separate taxis because it appears that Quality has money to burn, claim that they are too fatigued for sightseeing, but actually just want to have some alone time before settling down to business. It is not a song I would recommend for viewers attempting to suppress a rampant wanderlust, nor does it build character. It is purely a showboating musical number interested in displaying the beauty of the city and establishing setting. With less accomplished performers and handled by a less talented director, editor, and team of songwriters (overlapping lyrics while the three take Eiffel Tower elevator relieves the song of any semblance of monotony), “Bonjour, Paris!” would otherwise be superfluous padding. Instead, it is an entertaining romp through the City of Light, with infectious smiles melting away the characters’ anxieties and worries if just for a few minutes.

Away from the onscreen glow of the lead actors, Funny Face is supported by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) figures, specifically those working under producer-lyricist Arthur Freed (whose musical credits are jaw-dropping, but include, among numerous other works, 1951′s An American in Paris, 1952′s Singin’ in the Rain, and 1953′s The Band Wagon). In the days of old Hollywood Studio System, Paramount – which produced Funny Face – was known for historical epics, not its musicals. Musicals were the specialty of MGM, and it was Freed himself who purchased the rights to produce the film initially. Freed wanted Hepburn to feature, but Paramount was not about to loan its brightest star anytime soon. Thus, Freed allowed his friend, composer Roger Edens to transfer the production to Paramount. Among the MGM contractees working on this Paramount production included:

Kay Thompson

Stanley Donen (director; 1949′s On the Town, Singin’ in the Rain)

Ray June (cinematographer; 1936′s The Great Ziegfeld) 

Adolph Deutsch (musical director; The Band Wagon, 1954′s Seven Brides for Seven Brothers)

Conrad Salinger (arranger; 1944′s Meet Me in St. Louis, 1950′s Annie Get Your Gun)

Eugene Loring (choreographer; 1945′s Ziegfeld Follies)

The newly independent Fred Astaire had just been released by his contract from MGM, but owed Paramount a movie. As is self-evident, Funny Face had no shortage of musical expertise working behind the camera. And for an era in Hollywood where en masse loans of contractees never happened, this temporary exporting of talent was remarkable. After its release, Hollywood insiders mockingly labeled Funny Face as Paramount’s first MGM musical.

But that MGM talent did not extend to the costume design, which included Paramount’s legendary Edith Head – who, in a fifty-four-year career, still holds the record for Academy Awards for Best Costume Design (eight wins from a record thirty-five nominations). Head would be joined by French fashion designer Hubert de Givenchy for Funny Face. Where the latter handled Audrey Hepburn’s impeccable wardrobe (de Givenchy was also Hepburn’s personal fashion designer), Head designed costumes for all other cast members and extras. The costumes in Funny Face are an explosion of Technicolor – realizing, to the fullest extent, the incredible range of aesthetics, atmosphere, moods, and invention that the Technicolor dyeing process (within widescreen VistaVision) could allow.

As is the case with musicals, the non-musical writing and themes involved are suspect. Romantic and enjoyable though it is, Audrey Hepburn’s transformation from bookish clerk rejecting the superficiality of the fashion world to professional model is not terribly convincing. Elements of New York City-based Jo flicker when she is in Paris, yet are largely – not entirely – extinguished by the film’s ending. Though rooted in feminine concerns and viewpoints, Funny Face is anything but a thoughtful piece of feminism. But that is offset by the fact that Funny Face’s satirical targets include anyone appearing on-screen: fashion executives and their subordinates, photographers seeking the perfect shot, bookish women, pretentious philosophers that make sense to a handful of the film’s characters, but never to the audience.

Funny Face is an experience brimming with amusement, glee. With Fred Astaire midway through his career and Audrey Hepburn near the beginning of hers, the film benefits from their mutual adoration of the other – putting the other actors, and the audience, in a state of dreamy enchantment, perhaps dreaming up of an unannounced vacation as these true movie stars walk the streets of Paris.

My rating: 9/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

[erincardenthailandblog]

Comfort in the quiet

Today marks 22 weeks that I’ve lived in Thailand. Despite the fact that I’ve lived here for almost half a year now I still sometimes have the urge to pinch myself “awake.” So much of my life here still feels like a dream because of the fact that it’s so completely different from the life I had before. And I don’t think this will change. I think I’m going to move back home to NYC and look back on my time in Thailand as some sort of surreal dream that I didn’t wake up from for several months.

Living alone in rural Thailand has given me a different temperament, a new disposition, you might say, that I didn’t have before. I think different places lend people different moods and mindsets depending on the atmosphere. I think people are different versions of themselves depending on where they are in the world. There is a certain slowness that has become a part of my life here. I have learned to find enjoyment in simple things. Things like wiping down my kitchen counters so that they shine. Hanging my wet clothes out on my porch to dry in the sun. The sound of roaring cicadas nestled between wide banana leaves.

I am still searching for the feeling that I have two feet planted on the ground. Some days I feel that I do. Some days I don’t. I think this might be a constant, life long search for most people.

On Tuesday morning it poured. I’ve never seen it rain as hard as it does in Thailand. It’s literally as if buckets of water are being poured out of the sky. This kind of rain is where the saying “it’s pouring” comes from. My porch has a roof covering that protects from the rain and so I sat on my porch with my morning coffee and listened to the rain fall. The sound of rain falling is probably my favorite sound in the world. I watched raindrops trickle down banana tree leaves and I was comforted by the sound of the rain and the way everything was grey and foggy but also vividly green. And I smiled to myself as I sat here because I felt extremely lucky to be able to sit on this beautiful porch that I can call my own, lucky to be able to have many moments like this where I sit in silence with myself and watch and listen to everything that surrounds me.  

This week I learned that trees scattered with colored ribbon means that spirits live inside them. There are numerous trees like this in Thailand and so I was glad to finally learn the reason for this. When I first came to Thailand everything was so different that it was rather overwhelming. I was curious about too many things, there were too many questions to ask about culture and life style, and about the way things are. There were simply too many things to point at and ask, "why?" I still have questions about Thailand and Thai culture that I don't know the answers to. Sometimes Thais answer these questions for me and sometimes I learn for myself through experience or through reading. It’s interesting how quickly a new place becomes normalized. I am no longer stunned by new sights the way I was when I first arrived here. I can say that I am comfortable, settled, maybe even "used" to the way of life here and the way everything looks. This level of comfort that I have reached has allowed me to forget that I still don't know the answers behind some of my questions. Now things simply "are the way they are." This realization has taught me that it is important to never accept this inevitable normalcy. Yes, the Issan region of Thailand is "normal" now but I should not take this comfort as an excuse to stunt my curiosity. I should continue exploring and asking questions. Just because I am settled does not mean that I have all the answers. I want to carry this “lesson” wherever I go in life.

Today I met my new seventh grade class. I was surprised by how at ease I felt walking into the classroom. I remember how nervous I was on the first day of class when I initially began teaching. I felt like a completely different person walking into the classroom today. I wasn’t red in the face, sweating and shaking with nerves. I was smiley and loud, laughing with my students as they giggled in embarrassment when they tried speaking to me in the little English they know. I went up to every student and asked them introduce themselves. I asked them to tell me their favorite hobby, favorite animal, favorite color and what they want to be when they grow up. I walked around the classroom feeling light. I was comfortable. I owned the classroom. It was mine. I felt like a teacher today.

When I feel my village growing stale to my eye I remind myself of the feeling of wonder I felt when I first arrived. The delectable chaos of vendors grilling gai yang (marinated grilled chicken) and selling bua loy (dessert made of rice balls filled with black sesame that float on top a ginger or coconut broth). The “restaurants” attached to the back of motorbikes scattered along the sidewalk. Toothless old men squatting in the sand drinking rice whiskey and listening to mor lam country music.

Sometimes when I feel too far away from everything, far away from my friends, my family, from my life on the other side of the world, from the version of myself that I understood before coming here, I tell myself: if you want to be full, you have to allow yourself to be empty.

I am seeking comfort in the quiet of my own thoughts. I am trying to accept the emptiness that I feel on the monotonous weekends spent sitting on my porch in my pjs, reading and writing and staring ahead at the greenery of my garden. I may feel a sort of emptiness during these times but in ways that are not obvious, the stillness that has entered into my life here is really in fact, making me full.

[dustedmagazine]

John Jeffrey — Passage (Jean Sandwich)

Passage by John Jeffrey

The painter Takao Tanabe was one of John Jeffrey’s inspirations for these four long improvised tracks. The artist is known for land and seascapes that depict Canada’s northwestern coast in luminous blocks of color. Neither wholly representational or fully abstract, his paintings convey a sort of idealized, distilled vision of natural beauty, and it is easy to make the connection to the surreal, airy clarity of Jeffrey’s music.

John Jeffrey is best known as the drummer for Ripley Johnson’s Moon Duo and Rose City Band projects, but here he plays an array of instruments, primarily guitar but also drums, bass, synths and vibraphone. He brings in a few guests, most notably Marc Jenkins who lays some gorgeous pedal steel over the long opener “Lonely Years.” All four cuts were improvised and recorded live — Alice Coltrane was another touchstone — though in a contemplative way which favors tone and atmosphere over feats of virtuoso skill.

“Lonely Years” sets the template with a single solid line of guitar melody, constructed out of elongated notes that bend and curve into the distance. For a time, that and a vibrating curtain of ambient synthetic sound are all there is; the music moves slowly but with bright certainty rather like Marc Nelson’s work with Pan•American. Then a shuffling beat kicks it into four-four time, a rhythm that moves noticeably faster than the melody, which stretches bar to bar. The whole track feels like a very lucid dream, brightly colored, imbued with unspoken purpose but hard to verbalize.

The second cut, “Leaving Franklin,” is a good deal more mobile, following a twitching, glitching conveyer belt of a beat across acres of glowing sustained tones. It moves lightly but with intent and taps into an array of synthesized sounds. Of all four tracks, this one sounds the most like Moon Duo, particularly on the last electronic-heavy album Stars are the Light.

The other two tracks, “Play It As it Lays” and “Pacific Calm” are like the opener, full of luminous shimmers of tone and silvery electronic accents, edgeless and serene and still. There is some fusion-y synth work in “Play It As It Lays” that calls to mind certain Tangerine Dream tracks, and a spatter of vibraphone tones in “Pacific Rim” that lends a bucolic tranquility. I’m not saying the tracks are the same, just that they leave the same sort of wake behind them. You rouse yourself feeling that you’ve just meditated on something beautiful and natural, and perhaps gotten behind the natural façade of it into the deep calm of the cosmos.  

Jennifer Kelly

[nofomoartworld]

One Artist's Frenzied Take on the Traditions of Old Masters

Evergreen, all images courtesy of Amar Gallery

Links, a new exhibition at Amar Gallery in London, features the abstract, animated figure drawings of Australian-born artist Howard Tangye. A retired teacher of famous designers, such as John Galliano and Stella McCartney, Tangye began his artistic career in fashion many years ago at Saint Martins School of Art in London then continued to Parsons in New York, where he was informed that his drawings didn’t lend themselves to fashion, but were actually “life drawings.” He even sold several directly from his portfolio to editors from whom he had originally sought publication within their fashion magazines.

Upon receiving this unexpected and supportive feedback, Tangye strove to develop his own style. “I knew I didn’t want to change my style or approach to drawing for the sake of fitting in, so from then on I did it for myself,” he tells The Creators Project. The works on display in Links are a continuation of Tangye’s development. They are brimming with motion and emotive in their gestural renderings of a subject with whom the artist clearly feels an energy—a pulse below the surface fueling the frenetic lines in a happenstance manner similar to pentimento, the reappearance in a painting of original elements that were painted over by the artist, which Tangye intentionally experimented with in this series.

Rob H-J 3

Giorgio

For centuries, artists have used pentimenti as a means of conveying motion in a sketch or a painting’s underlay. One famous example of pentimenti is Edgar Degas’ ballerina sketches. Pentimenti are a sort of creative improvisation, where one’s hand follows the movement of the subject in real time. The objective is to convey motion rather than a realistic depiction. In Links, Tangye’s drawings reflect the concept of pentimenti in both the subject’s movement and energy, and also Tangye’s own whimsical decisions mid-stroke. He wields pentimenti as final products rather than simply sketches or outlines. And though the drawings seem to be produced in a flurry of movement, Tangye considers each line and its variation from tone and strength to tension and direction. “It is very physical as well as mental to create them,” he says of his favorite element.

Kevin G - floating

Pamela - Triple

Pamela - Blue

Tangye’s creative process—from choosing a subject to his final drawing—is, in his own words, “a collaboration.” He seeks out subjects who “move naturally and are at ease with themselves.” In particular, he remembers the first time he became aware of such an energy, and the moment has stayed with him for decades. It was during his time at Parsons, and he was taking a bus down Fifth Avenue, when a tall, graceful woman climbed aboard. He recalls: “It was summer, and she moved as if in slow motion. I thought to myself, 'That is what I want from my drawings.' How she moved, beautifully, and I have never forgotten her image. She naturally created a mood, an atmosphere, that seemed surreal. It was extraordinary, and she was just finding a seat on a bus.”

For him, this air of grace is particularly present in his drawing, Pamela, which he says “has a lightness to it that reminds me of the girl on the bus that day in New York. It’s very lyrical, I think, and I did it over two days. It happened very naturally. It makes me feel that I got 'it.’” And he did.

Links will be on display at Amar Gallery through March 3, 2017. For more information, visit the gallery's website.

Related:

Dada Icon Francis Picabia Gets His First Full U.S. Retrospective

Modern Figure-Drawings Highlight the Beauty of the Human Form

Artist Depicts Black Female Nudes as Ancient Egyptian Goddesses

from The Creators Project RSS Feed http://ift.tt/2kdj0Nf via IFTTT