#that they need to instantly wish death on anyone problematic (or anyone they THINK is problematic as in like. not liking the 'right' ships)

[coulsonlives]

For self-proclaimed leftists, some of y'all seem weirdly comfortable with telling people to kill themselves

[alheria]

Fresh wind on a hot day (7/9)

Jim absolutely loved sleeping with Buck.

He was so comfortable every night he stayed there, always tucked in between his partner's arms, basking in pleasant warmth and inhaling that relaxing scent. Maybe it was seriously time to fully move in.

-Good morning babe. -he whispered upon waking up, feeling a pair of gorgeous blue eyes staring right at him.

-Good morning. -the firefighter smiled, tightening the loosened embrace. -I love shared days off. -he yawned, fondly rubbing Street's naked spine decorated with prominent bruising from fighting some criminal on the stairs a few days ago. Apparently, they rolled down a whole three stories before the perp finally lost consciousness.

-Me too. -the Omega murmured, leaning into the affectionate touch despite the slight burning pain, his eyes still closed, cheek plastered just above the steadily beating heart. -Wish they weren't so rare.

Recently, their schedules sucked terribly. While one was off, the other was working. Which meant the past two weeks, until last night, they haven’t seen each-other at all. It was horrible, not being able to satisfy that biological need for regular physical contact. Felt really fucking lonely.

-You know what would be even better? -Buck asked, sliding his palm towards the exposed neck, the horrific mark left by a stranger long gone, sensitive flesh now covered in ones made with love.

-What? -the officer hummed, immensely enjoying the relaxing touch.

-If you finally moved in.

-Buck…-he sighed heavily, his body instantly tensing up at the tough topic. -I'm not ready to leave Luca alone just yet.

Obviously, moving was constantly on his mind, and he was basically spending most days here anyway, however the sole thought of entirely abandoning his current roommate for some reason made him sick to his stomach. Despite Luca assuring it's absolutely okay, and them seeing each-other at work anyway. It made little sense, although somehow prevented him from committing to Buck's place.

-He'll be fine, he's a grown up man. -the firefighter huffed in slight annoyance. He might have been mildly frustrated about his boyfriend staying at another Alpha's place, regardless of knowing there is nothing there but close friendship.

-I know, but still, I feel responsible for him. What if he makes a stupid life altering decision while I'm not there to stop him, or forgets to eat and starves to death? -Jim raised his head, gaze so serious while he spoke, it left Buck speechless for a moment before he snorted loudly in pure amusement.

-...wow. You're either trying to make up a really poor excuse to not move in with me, or you're losing your mind, my love.

-Ha ha. -Street rolled his eyes. -Soon, I promise. -he added, pulling himself up to kiss his boyfriend, therefore killing the problematic subject. -I'll go make coffee.

---

Once they were both out of bed, peacefully drinking coffee in the kitchen, the cop decided to at last talk about something he's been considering non-stop since that time he got bitten: bonding. An ultimate proof of a relationship between an Alpha and an Omega, a permanent mark strengthening any existing emotional connection to the point one is unable to romantically love anyone but their bonded pair. It also can be done only once in a lifetime, and cannot be removed. A forever thingy.

They've been together roughly eleven months without even mentioning taking that very common step, although lately, he started feeling an odd tingle on his nape, which would only stop whenever it was freshly marked. The strange sensation made him think maybe he should finally admit he doesn't intend on being with anyone else, ever.

Buck was beyond everything he wished for in a lifelong partner. Respectful, understanding, loving, pleasantly submissive.

Absurdly hot.

Looking at his shirtless man leaning on the kitchen island, obliviously reading news and sipping coffee, Jim could not stop admiring how handsome he was, comfy pants hanging loosely on the slim hips, naked upper body illuminated by the morning sun, blonde hair ruffled after a whole night of not having sex because they were way too tired.

-You've been staring. What's up babe? -the firefighter asked suddenly, curiously glancing up from the screen. Those soft, domestic words accompanied by a warm smile went straight to the cop's slightly colder heart.

For a second, the world stopped.

-I want to bond with you. -Street blurted out, unable to contain those feelings anymore. Which wasn't a particularly smart thing to do, as the Alpha nearly choked on his drink upon hearing the totally unexpected answer.

-Wh-what?! -he coughed, gaze watery with tears caused by the uncomfortable burning sensation in his poor throat.

-Gee, is the concept of us bonding really that shocking to you? -the officer rolled his eyes, trying to cover the raging anxiety with humour.

-What? No! Of course not! You just caught me off guard! -Buck exclaimed, his voice horribly hoarse. -Damn, Jim, you can't casually say things like that! -he shook his head furiously, trying to calm down from the initial surprise. -Are you being serious?

-Duh. Wouldn't bring this up if I wasn't. -the Omega chuckled nervously, now unsure if bringing this up was a good idea. Maybe his boyfriend didn't feel the same way about their relationship, or never planned for it to become so serious in the first place.

-Why so suddenly? -the younger man wondered, pushing himself away from the counter. He seemed so neutral, it kinda made Jim's stomach twist.

A mistake has been made.

-Well, I'm due for a heat in a couple of weeks and I thought we could...but if you're not ready, I completely understand. We can revisit the subject in a few months. -he whispered, looking down into the half-empty cup, confidence influx long gone, now replaced with doubts and insecurity.

-No! No-no-no! I am more than ready! I want to bond with you, Jim. Wanted for a long time actually, but was afraid to scare you away if I suggested it too soon. -the firefighter explained, fidgeting in place, probably too overwhelmed to decide how to react. -God, I think I'm gonna cry. -he concluded, joyful tears already forming in his pretty eyes.

-Please don't. -Street frowned at that sight, aware it's very hard to cease Buck's emotional outbursts. -Aaaand you're crying. -sighed, quickly approaching his sobbing boyfriend to comfort him. -Babe, please, stop. -he begged, tenderly rubbing the violently shaking back.

-I can't! I'm so happy! -Buck cried out, tightly wrapping his arms around the officer's waist as he continued to bawl into his shoulder. -Dammit, Jim! I love you so, so much! Too much even!

Too much. That was a perfect description of how the cop felt right now, overflowing with love for that adorably vulnerable man.

-I know. -he then hummed quietly, pressing tender kisses to the still trembling neck. -I love you too. Definitely more than I should.

---

-I asked Buck to bond with me. -Jim informed his bestie Chris when on the next day they were alone in the armoury, cleaning weapons during a fairly uneventful shift.

-What?! -she gasped, completely perplexed by the news. -I did not see that coming! Not from you at least! What did he say?!

-He agreed. -Street smiled at the memory of his boyfriend crying for a good half an hour. It drained him emotionally so much, he needed a nap afterwards.

-Wow. I cannot believe our baby Street is finally growing up. -Chris wiped down a non-existent tear in a theatrical gesture. -But still, it's a serious decision. Are you really sure about that? You know well enough that bonding is a forever thingy.

-Obviously. But I love him, Chris. And there is no fucking way I'd ever find a better partner. He's perfect for me. Can't just let him go. -the older office sighed heavily. It wasn’t easy, allowing himself to be guided purely by natural instincts for once, however he really fucking wanted to keep his amazing partner around for as long as possible. -Correction. Don't want to let him go. Ever.

-Yeah, it would be pretty stupid to fuck this up. He is really good for you. -the other cop nodded in agreement. She truly believed Buck was the best choice her best friend has ever made relationship-wise. And perhaps he was a filthy firefighter, but damn, not a bad word could be said about him. He treated Jim with utmost respect, was a great friend and even babysat Deacon's kids on quite a few occasions for fuck's sake. Which actually brought up an important question. -What about kids though? I know he wants them badly and you're all about work. Are you on the same page?

-Well, I clearly said career first. -Street clarified. -I need to have a solid spot on SWAT before I decide to take time off to have a kid, and Buck is totally fine with that, he’s equally obsessed with his job just as we are with ours. And we're still young, it's not like we gotta rush anything.

-Damn, Jim in a serious, adult relationship. -Chris whistled, shaking her head in disbelief. -I cannot wrap my mind around it.

-Right?! And with an Alpha? That’s even wilder. -Jim laughed. Saying it out loud made it sound so ridiculous. He never wanted to be in a relationship with an Alpha in the first place, always leaned towards Betas, or solitude, and yet, here he was, on the verge of bonding with an “enemy” he deeply loved.

-True that! -the older cop snorted. She wasn’t any better, her whole life she’s been saying she would never date a woman who was taller, more dominant, and especially not an Alpha. Amelia ticked all those “unacceptable” boxes. -Just please, don't mess it up, I actually like him! -Chris added, making her bestie smile when his heart felt a little warm.

Yeah, he liked him too.

---

-Jim asked me to bond with him. -Buck revealed, handing his sister her takeaway. They were supposed to go out for lunch on their shared day off to catch up, but it was just so hot outside, the siblings decided to stay at his air-conditioned apartment and order in.

-Really? -she raised her brows in surprise, not expecting her brother’s rather reserved boyfriend to take that big step. -I'm shocked you weren't the one to ask for it. What did you say?

-I obviously said yes. -the firefighter smiled. How could he possibly say no? Street was his everything, the perfect match he never believed he would find. Someone who showered him with love, patiently listened to his lengthy monologues, and didn’t mind him being fairly chaotic, reckless and overly emotional, which was a set of traits highly undesired in Alphas. Being accepted as he was, not forced to change anything to fit the standards, meant the world to him. With Jim, not once he felt a need to behave differently to please him, the atypical Omega eagerly took exactly what he was given without any complaints. He was just perfect.

-Of course you did. -Maddie sighed, slowly opening up the box. -Are you certain you want to spend the rest of your life with him? -she asked, looking up at her clearly overjoyed sibling, whose smile instantly dropped upon hearing the question.

-Why? -he wondered, a bit annoyed that his sister cannot simply be happy for him. It was because she cared about him, Buck knew that, and had no choice but to listen to what Mads had to say every single time they talked about his love-life. -Is something bothering you about him?

-Nothing, he's truly amazing. I just fear you are rushing things. Again. -she emphasised, referring to all those times his relationships failed due to progressing too fast. It always hurt her, seeing her beloved brother in pain on so many occasions. She liked Jim, with his calmer, more rational personality he was definitely toning down Buck’s at times unhealthy enthusiasm, and seemed to love him very much. Somehow, knowing that didn’t make her any less worried.

-It's different this time. -the firefighter assured rather hopelessly. Maddie was not one to change her mind unless proven otherwise through actions. And as predicted, she took a deep breath and asked:

-How?

-He's an Omega. -Buck responded vaguely before elaborating further. -I’ve never dated an Omega before. It's an incomparable experience. From the moment I properly held him in my hands that night I took him home, despite not knowing a single thing about him, I already knew we are meant to be together. I have no idea how to explain this, but my instincts tell me he's the person I should spend my life with. He's the one. I'm positive.

-You were positive quite a few times now. -his sister pointed out nonchalantly, not even looking at the firefighter, gaze focused on the food. She probably was aware she’s gonna get a nasty look from her, surely irritated by now, baby brother whose eyes rolled to the back of his head.

-Maddie…

-I know, I'm sorry. -she apologised softly. Perhaps unpleasant for both of them, but it was her duty to ensure his choices wouldn’t do him more harm than good. -I just don't want you to get hurt because you jumped into a serious relationship too soon. You can't erase a bond if something goes wrong, you'll be stuck with Jim forever, no matter what. Are you ready to fully commit to him?

And just like that, a tiny seed of doubt had been planted in Buck’s brain, and he wasn’t sure anymore if bonding with seemingly the love of his life was actually such a good idea after all.

---

Once Maddie left, and he was completely alone with his thoughts, the firefighter couldn't stop overthinking what his sister said about rushing, and possibly getting himself stuck in a potentially doomed relationship.

Was it seriously a bad idea to accept Street's offer to bond?

As for now, they definitely were solid and close, so close that any separation, even for only a few days, was causing them both physical and mental discomfort. Buck was also one hundred percent convinced that if they split, his heart would die on the spot. He absolutely needed Jim to stay present in his life, therefore bonding was the best available tool to keep them together. Fearing that suggesting it himself might put some pressure on his Omega due to his “Alpha status”, he didn’t mention anything, patiently waited for Jim to take the lead because a bonding offer proposed by someone who despises their nature would be made after a great deal of careful consideration. An honest, calculated choice.

But what if he should reject it? 

Would his boyfriend be okay waiting a year or two more, as his sister proposed?

Is he himself fine with waiting?

Will changing his mind ruin their perfect relationship?

The firefighter didn’t get to answer any of those questions as a key suddenly sounded in the lock, announcing his partner was back home. Which was terrifying because he still had no clue what to do.

-Hi there. -the officer smiled, approaching the couch Buck was sitting on. It was a relief to see he looked rather unharmed today.

-Hi babe, how was work? -he returned the warm smile, watching the older man casually kneel down on the cushions to sit in his lap. Greedy hands instinctively sneaked under Jim’s shirt, seeking comfort through skin-to-skin touch.

-Boring. -Street sighed, cupping the firefighter’s face before joining their lips in a short kiss. -What happened? -he then asked, tenderly rubbing the soft cheeks.

-What do you mean? -the Alpha frowned, confused by the odd query.

-Do you really think I can't tell something is bothering you? -the Omega hummed softly, pressing an affectionate kiss to his boyfriend's forehead. -I could sense your raging anxiety the moment I opened the door.

Of course he could. They weren't yet bonded, but damn, the cop’s mood-reading senses seemed to never fail despite not operating on the highest setting.

-Maddie came over. -Buck informed, his arms instinctively tightening around the older man’s back. -And she might have said some things that made me think…are we rushing things? -he blurted, feeling the urge to get those doubts out of his system.

-Rushing what things? -Jim asked, a hint of insecurity clear in his otherwise steady voice.

-The relationship. We’ve met not even a year ago, and now we think about bonding for life, isn’t it rushing things? Shouldn't we take some more time to properly think about it? Make sure this is not just a heat of the moment type of situation? -the firefighter outlined the issue, and the officer didn’t respond right away, only stared absently at his partner, who began to get even more anxious awaiting some reaction. Eventually, Street let go of his face, and pulled away a bit.

-Are you being totally honest or going a little crazy? -he demanded, aware his Alpha has a tendency to question everything in his life after talking to Maddie. She was a good person, although sometimes wasn’t the best influence, especially considering her brother’s emotionally unstable personality.

-Going a little crazy. -Buck admitted, definitely relieved his boyfriend picked up on it.

-Good. That's good. -Street exhaled heavily, hands reaching for the taller man's nape to provide much-needed comfort. -Listen to me Buck, carefully. I did not rush my decision to bond with you. The first time it crossed my mind was months ago, when we met each-other’s teams. You treated yours like family, and mine like extended family, which made me so happy to be with a person for whom work people are also their people. I could never be with someone who doesn’t understand or respect that, and you totally get it, which is incredibly rare, thus imperative to hold onto. Then that guy bit me. I couldn't stand being marked by someone other than you, it was disgusting, not right, and made me angry I had to go through losing your scent because we weren’t bonded. And when I saw you so full of joy playing with Deacon's kids? I couldn't stop thinking how lucky I am you're gonna be the father of our children. Any time I think about my future, you are always in it, that's why I know this is a natural progression, not a speedrun of sorts. But if you wish to wait, I'll wait for you. As long as you need, 'cause you are the love of my life and I am not giving up on you, no matter what. Aaaand you’re crying. Again.

-I don't want to wait! I want us to bond soon! -the firefighter sobbed, pulling his partner into a bear hug. He didn’t expect to hear such an adorable confession, but it made all his doubts disappear instantaneously. Them bonding was undeniably the right choice, there was no way he could feel insecure following this powerful reassurance. He was loved, cared for, thought about, needed. That was more than enough.

-Soo…we're all good, yeah? -the cop clarified, fondly brushing through the blond strands as he held the weeping man.

-Yes. We're all good. -Buck nodded weakly, head still plastered to the Omega’s chest. -Thank you, Jim. You always seem to know what to say to make me feel better. -he hummed, gladly leaning into the calming touch.

-I'd be a terrible boyfriend if I didn't know how to handle you spiraling into madness once in a while. -Street laughed, showering the silky hair with firm kisses. -Whenever you think our relationship might not work out in the end, remember I love you the same way you love me.

-Too much? -the Alpha chuckled, pulling backwards to look at his incredible, widely smiling man.

-Way too much. -Jim rolled his glowing eyes playfully before leaning down for another, this time longer kiss. -So much I’d rather die than ever let you go.

[haritonseldonshusband]

Do dune for the meme 🔪

BLORBO (fave character/character i think about the most)

i mean, i think i have to say leto atreides here, right? i think i have to. he's so pretty. he haunts me. i want to be his loyal, beloved, trusted concubine. i want to lick shower water off of him. i want to stare at him all day, and also pet his hair so he can sleep at night. i want to wear dresses that make him stare at me during formal dinners. i want to do his paperwork for him so he can be a little less stressed. i'm in love? i'm in love.

SCRUNKLY (my "baby", character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

thufir hawat, no question. little parasol. constant :3 or 3: energy. i want to squeeze him like a stress ball. i would die for him, he would instantly try to resign if i did.

SCRIMBLO BIMBLO (underrated/underappreciated fave)

gurney halleck my beloved????? described as an ugly lump of a man in the book, which is something we literally all, everyone who ever touched dune, have decided independently to make the executive decision to ignore? hot af? bard vibes? face scar? aggression followed by affection bc the aggression is based in concern? i will wed him secretly and he will lay me down on blankets on the floor and say he wishes he could give me more and i will tell him this is all i need from him. also he will hold my hand, that part is non-negotiable.

GLUP SHITTO (obscure fave, character that can appear for 0.2 seconds in the background and i won't shut up about it for a week)

stilgar. old desert uncle. so old. so very old. soon to rejoin the sands. (for anyone who is not my husband reading this, this a long-running joke, don't look at me.) hot? hot. not just because of the desert thing, just. very attractive. 10/10, would let him spit in my mouth and thank him for it, probably.

POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

piter de vries. drug addict. stands like a homosexual, also is a homosexual. weighs maybe fifty pounds soaking wet in his little black dress aesthetic. garbage man. gay little trash boy. crumples him up like a wet paper napkin. wraps him up in a rag like a kitten trying to bite me because he is probably trying to bite me. shakes him a little.

HORSE PLINKO (character i would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

duncan idaho. shoves him in the plinko machine. watches him bing around lovingly. i adore him. i want to kiss his face. i want to make him cry. i want to see him angry and frightened. i want to braid his hair and lie against his chest and also climb him like a tree.

EEBY DEEBY (character i would send to superhell)

rabban harkonnen. i was going to say vladimir, but no, rabban deserves it more, and also if you put vladimir in a time out chair and took away his allowance, he'd be easier to deal with. maybe tether him to something so he doesn't daintily float away. anyway, send rabban straight to super hell. murder murder kill death etc.

[samnyangie]

Personal reviews on RSL filmography

Rsl, iI thought it’d be a good idea to record my thought on each films rsl was in, it was something I always wanted to do...

Rsl in total, was starred in (excluding tv series etc) 27-ish films, to be honest, considering his years as an actor(approximately more than 30 years) he wasn’t starred in that many. We all know why lol

Just saying I’m not a film expert, therefore the list is very subjective.

The reviews with trigger warning (r*pe, g*re etc): Tape, Killer: Journal of Murder, A glimpse of hell. Tho in the writing I’ve censored them with * since I don’t feel comfortable saying them here

There isn’t particular spoilers except for dps, tape, and ground control

The favourites (literally my life time films)

Dead Poets Society

I assume many would agree, and as many would have, it was my first ever rsl film, like I was on the plane and it was one of the films they offered, and I was like, oh I think i heard of this, so I watched and instantly loved it. The message is very relevant to this day, the cinematography is very beautiful and somehow nostalgic. I was horrified with Neil’s death. Tbh now I’ve seen too many memes and all kind of things from the fandom (which I’m grateful for!) I thought the heartfelt I once had would deluded a bit, however when I watched it again last April with my family at the cinema and it still moved me very deeply.

The age of Innocence

Okay, unpopular opinion here, I love this so much. It’s my all time favourite rsl film. It even outruns dps tiny winy bit haha. Aside from how he had tiny winy screen time, appearing at the end but the fact that he played quite an important role and him being gorgeous in it just<33 I couldn’t help but smiling! It just the whole film was so much of my cup of tea? The melodrama and the hypocrisy hidden by elegance among the upper social classes in 19th century is just what I needed. The more I watch it, the more I understand the characters and their emotions, it’s one of those films you should keep visit to discover the things you weren’t aware of before. I watched it again this morning and i couldn’t stop thinking about it. However, I know some people find it boring and I understand why, my sister is one of them lol(except for a bit where rsl was in) but i think it’s more complex than what it appears to be at a first glance haha. In conclusion, it became one of my comfort film to watch time to time. 

The ones I like<33

Swing kids

At first viewing, I didn’t expected much because it had underwhelming reviews but when I actually saw it, I thought it was quite decent and more and more I watched it, I felt like it was underrated. Yes, I think some directing choices were bit old fashioned and cheesy especially the ending, I’m not saying it was a perfect masterpiece but it deserves more recognition than it has now. Also in spite that there’re some parts being too simplified, it touched on something other films about ww2 normally don’t. It was interesting to see the German perspective on it than Jewish or the allies perspective like many of them does, but of course the latter perspectives matter, it could be argued that they more valid than the former, which partly was where sk criticised for, however, the portrayal of the varied reactions of the German people (in this one particular the teenagers) has its value in their on way. Anyway along side with it, the music and the dance scenes were great, without exaggeration, though Swing kids isn’t my fav, peter’s solo dance scene is my favourite scene in any movies I’ve ever watched. I mean that scene had both visuals and meaning as it demonstrated Peter’s determination as well as resentment with a hitch of unsureness. Rsl acting in that scene was just phenomenal, it’s not about showing off the dancing skills but he portrayed every mixed emotions peter has from his expression and the moves, I just can’t talk about this enough especially this scene was the reason I started fallen for him. lol

Much ado about nothing

Much ado is something I never seen anything like so it was a refreshing exprience. I barely watched Shakespeare on screen kind of thing. Though I felt there were some bits too cheesy for me but they are also the charms in the same time, and the cinematography was pretty also Claudio aka rsl, it was like an official announcement of declaring my worship on this man. Especially it was after SWING KIDSSSS so I couldn’t help it now everyone knows how I fallen for him but no one can blame meeeeee Anyway, it’s a really good film to watch when you want be relaxed with cup of tea maybe hehe

In the gloaming

I heard about it before I watched it, that it’s a heart wrenching, tearful piece, though I didn’t managed to cry, it’s just.... painful and in a way heartfelt. I liked that story telling was calm and collected rather than forcing you to join the sob party, just showing the characters to carry on. And thanks to the great acting from the cast, the characters could be emphasised and understood, personally the older sister was the most relatable character for me, well, eldest complex lol. In short I liked it but it’s not something I would watch it often.

Last days of Disco

As a person who looks at aesthetic in films, I simply enjoyed this for that tbh. I don’t know, I just liked the feeling. But I don’t think it’d be everyone’s cup of tea. I love the day time clothes the girls wore in the film. Tbh I love the music too, I think I love all the films of rsl with music in it. Speaking about rsl, oh rsl, he’s.... His character might be bit unlikable but he was just.... This is why I can’t unlove his characters even the debatable ones<33

They were decent! (I would recommend it)

Married to it

This is the first and last ever attempt of rsl of romcomssss The film itself is cliche to be frank it’s like love actually but it’s about marriage life + it’s not christmas but I like heartfelt cliche stories like this, if anyone also loves this type of story, it’s really worth watching, it’s one of my comfort films, also, rsl is so pretty I mean he always is but to see him being a office man with a baby face made me go awww my baby grew up heheh I wish he did another romcom like this or more preferably, melodramatic romance, I’d have made a shrine of it and worship it every morning lol

The boys next door

I kind of smiled while watching it throughout, if you want something that is heartfelt and touch on some serious topic about social workers and the people with mental disorder, Rsl plays a character who has (I think it was) Schizophrenia and troubled relationship with his father(Deja vu I know) but general atmosphere tend to be quite humourous. I don’t get me wrong, though it’s light hearted, it doesn’t mean they treat the topic in the same way. There’s a scene where the protagonist imagining the one of the characters with the disorder talking eloquently and honourably at the court on the rights and the dignity of the people with mental disorders deserve to/should have and they’re just the same people as the people without mental disorders. It was a powerful scene.

My two loves

Rsl’s first ever screen debut film! Hehe it’s about a woman who is discovering her sexual identity and the conflicts within I personally thought it was fairly sensible depiction but I can’t say for sure whether it was accurate or else, since I don’t think it’s my place to say it:) But if you’re interested, it’s on YouTube, you can just search for it or go to this post I made. Fun fact: since it was his debut film, it credits him as he’s real name, Robert L. Leonard, I just find it amusing haha

Tape

It’s another type of film I don’t encounter that often, I enjoyed it, especially with Neil and Todd’s reunion lol. Rsl mentioned how he enjoyed it because it felt like doing a play, my first impression was that the structure is like a play, though the camera work made me quite dizzy haha. But the dialogues, the acting, I think it was quite spot on. Especially the human contradictions and hypocrisy side of it. The most people assume the baddie in the film is Jon the character rsl played and has a distaste for him. I mean how can anyone love a character who is accused of r*pe but to be honest, Vincent for me seemed just as problematic, both of them are hypocrites for sure in their own different ways but in the end we can’t be sure what’s really the truth or not. It’s about the vagueness, and phychology and the uncertainty from the audience on who to believe(well, myself included, most would trust on Amy’s claims since she’s the victim in the accusation, but by her denying the claims, making everything way unclear,) so I don’t know. I don’t really have an opinion haha tho I don’t believe nothing happened because Amy denied so, even Umma Thurman who played her, said that her interpretation was that Amy lied. I felt it’s endless rabbit hole this film. Sorry I couldn’t worded it better.

My best friend is a Vampire

It’s cringey and weird but there’re odd charm to it. Vampire rsl’s so cute as well.... and I think it’s the only film, he acted kind of flirty ? So for that itself I’d like to appreciate itttt And it’s so 80s/90s, like it has general odd nostalgia like all films from that age has. I saw a Korean blog about rsl films and this was mentioned, that- they said- it’s a bible of rsl’s adorableness and I think that sum up the film perfectly.

Mr&Mrs Bridge

Before this was in ‘I mean it was fine” category, but I watched it again and now I want to retract my statement lol Still isn’t my fav but I noticed how delicately depicted each characters are, Mr and Mrs Bridge in particular. This film is alternatively about the changes in the young generation regarding liberty, feminism, free expression especially on sex. It’s in the perspective of the bridges, the mother and father who is old fashioned and conservative (as it was normal in their previous generation) and the children who are the young generation, and the misunderstanding and conflicts between them. After all it all happened not only because of the difference but also the lack of communication, which rsl emphasised in his interviews. I found it interesting that they made it seems like the Bridges truly existed with the video footage and (with the ending) describing what happened to each family member in text with photos. When I watched it at first I was really confused if it was based on a real life. I think what they wanted to suggest was that the Bridges every typical American family at the time. It was something everyone was going through. I said previously I didn’t get why Rsl’s character (the youngest in the Bridges) treated his mother so coldly. Honestly I do get why, but I guess I felt so bad so the mother haha

I mean it was fine

The safe passage

It was okay but to be honest it didn’t stood out to me. It was okay. The story, the characters weren’t that interesting. I wish they extended it longer to go depth with their family relationship or something.

A painted house

I find it likeable, it has a chill, old folk story vibe, but same as previous one. it didn’t really stand out except for shirtless rsl, do close ups you cowards

Bluffing it

I was really fond of the premise of this film and I think it has great intention. It was specifically made to promote the awareness of illiteracy and how to get support. However, I don’t get the reason of Jack the protagonist’s illiteracy. Unless, it was common occurrence in America at the time, I feel like it’d have been more convincing if he was in poor family hood, so there was no time to learn at school due to working at young age...? I mean, just finding it hard to believe he passed the high school just like that, I mean the teachers or anyone should have noticed it, maybe I’m missing something here but it seemed unlikely to me.

Ground control

Again, I liked the message, as it depicted how frightening and difficult job the ground controller is, by one mistake could take away the lives of hundreds, especially as someone who goes on planes a lot... But it was quite cliche throughout, I just couldn’t get engaged to it. But I do admit at the end when the protagonist runs off to the landing zone see the pilot who he had just saved, they acknowledged each other and have eye contacts was truly wholesome. Rsl as cocky, bad boy was such a icing on the cake, I loved it so much. Chewing gum in every scene lol I hope he plays these sort of characters more often. I saw someone criticising him saying he has narrow spectrum of just playing nice boy roles like Neil but I really wanted to debunk the narrative and this could be one of the examples! 

Chelsea walls

I knew that this has split reviews but nonetheless I think worth to watch it, 1. Ethan and rsl re union, 2. Ethan is the directer of the film and rsl sing in it. But I have to say, it’s one of those hard to follow art indie film so I couldn’t finish it on one go. I feel like I have to devour it over and over again. Maybe later on I grow fond of it more lol But his character, I loved him so much. He’s just has everyone don’t touch me, I’m a cocky artist vibe, there’s a scene where his annoying friend annoying him and he looks up and says: ‘Fck off’. Absolute golddddd not to mention he sings and plays guitar so beautifully<333

Well... it’s not my cup of tea

The Manhattan project

I don’t think the film it self was that bad, it’s about high school boy who find out the existence of some nuclear energy research lab and stole the energy to make his own nuclear bomb. I just don’t get the thinking process of the protagonist. It really frustrated me. He seemed apathetic and unlikable I disliked him throughout and that’s why I didn’t really enjoyed it. I mean it has humour and ridiculous storyline might be humorous to some. But more importantly there was such little screen time for rsl!! LIKE WHY? WHY PEOPLE?? HE LOOKS LIKE A FRESH HUMAN MOCHI!!! It makes me soooo mad to think about it

Killer: Journal of Murder

Well, first of all, it had a lot of graphic things than I imagined, brutally murd*red bodies, execution, and r*pe scene, gosh I was strucken by it when I saw that, I had to skipped that scene. It’s based on a real event and a real criminal called Carl Panzram, so if you’re aware of it, it might be more intriguiging to see. But personally for me... meh, I don’t think directing was good as it failed to portray it enough for me to comprehend fully.

A Glimpse of Hell

This is also based on a true event of a tragic accident in the us battleship in Iowa in 1989. They shows tragedy lin a blunt, brutal way by showing horribly damaged bodies of the soldiers torn into pieces, all the horrid things directly so be warned about that. I was quite alarmed because i didn’t expect to see it haha there’s no much to say. The film quality was so so for me. I feel their approach wasn’t appropriate, they were clearly trying to make it dramatic which is fine but in a melodramatic emotional way. It didn’t work because first, there aren’t enough portrayal of the characters for me to get attached, secondly it added the unnecessary exaggeration it prevented me from being emotionally involved or even to think about it. In my opinion, I think it’d have been better if they made it more restrained, dry, focus on the accuracy. For example like 1987 or Zodiac, I mean both of them has dramatic elements since they’re not a documentary but they were not overdone, in a contrary added emphasis to their message/conclusion. I know it’s easier said than done but it was something I consistently felt during it.

Sir.... I’m sorry but-

Standoff

Haha... it’s very peculiar... the directing is off and it just weird. I knew it was bad already but I watched it because rsl as a cop with gunssssssss just... so rare and just.... something else. There’s no way of me missing that seriously. Tbh him doing an action stunt isn’t what I imagine when it comes to him and there’s really any actions scenes anyway but it really was something. Like the character he played here really became my soft spot Hehehehe he was pretty and plus, tbh it’s kind of film I’d make fun of while watching so everything was (alomst) forgivable. There is a recent thing I think about, since this is about a cult, I kind of hope he’d at some day play a role like Eli Sunday from There will be blood: a manipulative, deceitful and maddened priest with twisted faith. Though Paul Dano did a grand job, the idea was in my head the whole time. Well, it’s a shame he wasn’t any of those here lol

Driven

From what I seen, the majority of people seem to unanimously hate this film, and after watching it I became one of those ppl. At least Standoff could be make fun of and rsl held gunssss but this...... I want to say so many things... I feel like they should have chose either fancy, fast paced, thrilling racing film or detailed depiction of emotions/relationships with the racers and people involved in it, I know both can be done, but I think that was outside of their ability, but since they tried to do that at once, it became a mess that doesn’t go either way. And the characters, any of them, including rsl’s are narrow or impossible to understand. I mean rsl did great himself, it was not about acting, the problem lies on the script and editing in my opinion. Also there were so many unnecessary characters made me question of their existence. Luckily rsl’s character isn’t one of them, however because of them, he had to squeeze in and unable to elaborate, which is a shame as he was an interesting character and someone rsl rarely plays; a arrogant and opportunist agent/brother of the protagonist, who would do anything for success... ha.... whyyyyy

This is it. If I watch other stuff I might add to it in the future. Overall, I know I’m biased but I do like His filmography, I do have appreciations in every one of them in different way to the good ones to bad. He may have disagree, but I love his acting on screen, well, I barely seen him on stage (crying)

Edit: as some of you could see, I’ve edited this over and over again haha elaborating on thing or the contrary. I can say with a glimpse of hell I practically managed to watch every rsl films out there lol except for the i inside and the short film he did called a dog race in Alaska. But with the former I’m not interested and already know the storyline, and the latter is just impossible to find, trust me I did my best;; 

So to sum up: I HAVE MASTERED THE RSL FILMOGRAPHY!

[twiceblackvelvet]

hi

forgive me for the long post, i’m still trying to gather my thoughts on this situation but i’m going to do my best to address the most common issues people bring to me because clearly my intentions are being misconstrued, have become confused for some of you and people attempted to put a lot of words into my mouth last night that i never stated.

i’m also not the best at explaining myself at times but i am going to do my best to offer my own perspective as well as insight into my thinking, so if anyone is confused by anything detailed here, you can simply ask me in a polite manner and i will talk about it with you.

tw // mentions of anxiety, transphobia, self harm, suicide, harassment

i have for a long time discussed my dislike of this community when i first joined it. i thought that the big accounts were all in cliques together, not willing to help anyone and that they just never really cared about much except issues regarding themselves. i’ve also talked about how i personally did not want to be like that as i am unable to just simply “ignore” things i see happening, in fact, i struggle to let go of them as i do tend to hyperfixate on negative situations where i’ve felt like my feelings have been hurt which is very easy for me to feel like has happened even if someone wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt me. i have felt this for a large part of my life which never really became clear to me until i realised it’s also a part of adhd or more specifically rejection sensitive dysphoria.

i feel my emotions incredibly intensely and whether someone intended to upset me or not, i will in the majority of situations i’m in convince myself that they meant to hurt me and then i’ll put myself down because of that. it’s a lot harder for me through a screen to decipher people’s intentions but i try my best not to let it bother me too much, which isn’t easy whatsoever.

i also have anxiety which makes it hard for me to deal with certain situations where increased hate is thrown around so casually because i will start to panic. it also makes it hard for me to approach others particularly when i’m already in a state of anxiety which is kind of a cruel, twisted joke by the universe when you think about it.

however, i do find issues within this community incredibly important to discuss so that people can see how others have had to deal with such things as transphobia and make people realise we can all do better to protect others or make certain changes to try and stop it from happening. so, i always try my best to do what i think is right. people are free to disagree with my methods if they wish but i don’t believe you can stamp out some of these problems by talking about it behind closed doors as no one will ever know what your thoughts on it are, you have no way of educating others and it can come across as unsupportive instead.

when i first decided to use my voice back in May to talk about what in my opinion was one of the bigger accounts within this community, i figured that i had opened the floor for conversations that needed to be discussed about cis-het people in lgbt+ spaces. instead i was met with anonymous messages telling me to harm myself, i received lesbophobic slurs and even someone attacking me based on the fact i had pronouns in my bio who assumed i was trans. this was an incredibly difficult situation for me and caused me to almost be “afraid” of my own account for months. i only began to feel comfortable again when the issue with that same person arose just a few months ago which resulted in them deactivating.

i’m aware there are people out there who are upset with me and others for what they feel is us “bullying” this person off the platform, but what i see is that lgbt+ people/accounts finally decided to keep our spaces safe and i see that people are far more comfortable now with that person gone, whether you like it or not, that is the truth of the matter. they made people feel invalidated, they encouraged violence against lgbt+ people and felt like everything they did was fine. it was not. it never was.

for some reason afterward, people began coming to me to tell me about other people within this community who perhaps didn’t address something or had been friends with that person. i personally struggle to talk to anyone who was friends with them because i know some of them saw the original issue back in May and could have spoken up to at least try and stop people sending death threats, but they didn’t. however, i don’t think these issues have a time limit for people to speak up nor do i think people should instantly go to hate anyone who doesn’t but rather ask them “hey did you see x problem, what are your thoughts?” and then base what happens next on their answer.

but i want to make something very clear, sending messages to people telling them to harm themselves etc. is never the answer. it only causes more pain and takes away the opportunity to have an educational conversation with that person to perhaps make them see that their views may be problematic.

i’m only one person, you know? do i believe that i have this “power” that anons keep telling me i do? no. i think that this community has for a long time been silent on important matters and thus me and a few other blogs being outspoken on some of the bigger accounts who either once were or still are in the community has shaken a lot of things up for people and some don’t like that. i think when addressing such issues as transphobia and reblogging posts from those who have to go through it everyday who maybe detail things they experience, some people have realised they too hold the same beliefs as those who are being called out and by default they feel called out also.

but please don’t ever compare something as dangerous, life-threatening and harmful as transphobia to me not mentioning another creator in an ask. those two are in no way comparable and dilutes the issue of transphobia massively when it has real-life consequences that i’ve personally talked about a situation close to me but also happens every single day unfortunately and we all can do far more/better to protect people who are trans.

i’ve since brought up situations where other creators have either said or done something that i feel is wrong and again, if they’re willing to share opinions that are transphobic or mocking being n/b-phobic publicly, i also think other creators around them have the right to call them out publicly. i won’t apologise for this because again, it can’t be solved behind closed doors as that furthers the silence people previously relied on in this community to avoid helping or supporting others. i think anyone who does believe these things should be discussed privately after the person made it a public issue should reflect on that a little.

as for me not mentioning a specific creator in an ask. it genuinely was not my intention to hurt them or anyone else by not mentioning them, i genuinely just don’t like to talk about people on others’ blogs but especially not if i don’t know the person and they don’t know me. i understand now how that looks bad on me, but i still stand by my choice as i genuinely do not see why it caused such a huge uproar after i had explained myself multiple times.

i have apologised to that creator personally and unfortunately there are other complications there which have made it hard for me to let this issue go, through no fault of their own but rather i just am very aware of how i have now fixated on this and i have to get myself out of that ultimately. but i want to reiterate here that there is no problem on my side toward them, i genuinely just do not like to talk about others that i don’t know. i never have liked that as i’ve had it happen to me but there’s nothing more i can do about it now. i hope they’re able to see i meant no harm whatsoever as i hope the rest of you can but i understand if not.

i’m very aware that at least one of the anons from last night is someone who has previously attacked me on multiple occasions (same language etc.) and it does scare me a little bit that there is someone essentially just watching my account and waiting for me to do or say anything so they can strike and attack me but again there’s nothing i can do about that other than block them from sending asks (tried it) but if they continue to persist i don’t know what more i can do to protect myself from that.

i’ve opened myself up a lot here and i’m very proud of that because it’s something i struggle with, however, i’m also aware people can now use those things against me. but to see that someone mentioned my own relationship last night hurt me deeply because whilst i don’t mind talking about it, i also don’t wish for anyone to feel like they’re close enough to our relationship that they have the right to bring it up so casually as a way to try and hurt either of us or that any of you are entitled to an opinion on it because none of you truly know either of us or how our relationship works, nor will you ever from me at least. ultimately, no one has that right to mention our relationship but the both of us is my point. so don’t try and pull that with me, you won’t like the outcome.

i want to end this by saying that i’m fine and reassure you all that i’ve been able to let all of this go but the truth is i’m not fine right now. i always try to find a “fix” for any problems people have because i want to help everyone but i struggle to do so when it comes to my own ultimately and i also don’t believe there is a “fix” for this but rather i just have to come to terms with the fact that my values in wanting to stand up for others (which i will continue to do) or not wanting to talk about people who i don’t know have ultimately hurt others so i have to figure out a way to bring this back to a positive state for myself. i’m just unsure how currently but i’ll figure it out.

i apologise again for not mentioning a-nxny in that ask, it was not an intentional thing and i honestly did not think or believe anyone would find offense in it and had i known i wouldn’t have done that, but i do hope people can at least see this from my perspective a little bit and then it’s up to you whether you agree or disagree, again there’s no fix for this.

i am begging all of you who read this who maybe has sent hurtful things either recently or previously to please reconsider as that is never the answer and i do not condone anything of that nature whatsoever. if in future you see me talking about certain issues or if another creator does something problematic, don’t then go and harass them with asks wishing them harm. instead either approach them from an educational point of view or dont approach them at all. i am someone who this has happened with and had to get myself out of suicidal thoughts because of people doing this back in May, so don’t do it to someone else, please.

[nitaescence]

The Howling Wolf | Final Part

↳ Pairing : Lycan!Taehyung x Human!OC ft. Vampire!Jimin & Human!Jungkook   Genre : Mythicalcreatures!AU, Royal!AU | angst, smut, fluff   Word Count : 3.1k ↳ Moodboards | story masterlist ↳ Warnings — Depiction of injuries, death

🎼

You gasped when you noticed blond hair peeking out the edge of the rock. You climbed back up as quickly as you could and froze as you were looking down at Jimin.

His body was lying on his back and the wooden arrow was embedded in his heart.

“No, no, no,” you crouched down and hovered your hands above him, having no clue on how you could help him. “Jimin-”

His eyes were closed and brows slightly furrowed as if he was focusing himself on something. His hand clasped around yours that you softly placed near his wound.

“Jimin,” your vision turned blurry, “tell me what to do. Please, tell me what I can do.”

“_____-” He breathed out.

You bit onto your arm and positioned it underneath his mouth but he jerked his head to the side, the bite was healing already.

“______,” he tried again. “There’s nothing to do.”

“Why did you do that? Why did you-”

“Because you have me. You always had.”

You frowned at him looking into his purple eyes that seemed to speak a thousand words. You remembered the words, his first words when you met, the words he liked to repeat, words that held a meaning that eluded you.

He whimpered when his hand held the arrow tightly.

“No- what are you doing?”

A thick silvery liquid spluttered out of the hole in his chest after he extracted the weapon. You could hear the flow of it sipping out of him and a buzzing near his heart that throbbed as the healing cells attempted to mend the injured organ.

He let his other hand fall limp on the hard surface and you grasped it as an invitation to lean closer.

His fingers gently covered you nape and with the last remnants of his strength he brought your ears to his lips and whispered, “forgive me.”

You leant back slowly and gently pressed your lips onto his forehead.

You raised onto your feet and met Jungkook’s eyes first thing as he was hugging his mother to him. You shook your head and expectantly looked at the Queen before turning towards the alpha.

Jungkook returned your gaze to his mother just as anticipated.

“He’s the one,” your voice was barely a whisper but you knew the lycan heard it loud and clear and he gave Fenrir a black look.

🎼

Taehyung looked at the Alpha when he heard him calling in his head. They shared a look and moved closer to the Fenrir. The other men instantly began to step backwards at the sight of the two impressive creatures.

“What are you doing ?”He fumed, pulling his sword from its scabbard again and lifting the blade in front of the two creatures. “Move away, you filthy curs.”

Taehyung suddenly lunged forward to jump over him and land behind the man before he could have the time to react and with one arm he forced him down to the ground. His furry fist slammed violently on the man’s wrist for him to let go of his weapon and the dull sound of his bone breaking underneath your husband’s strength cracked in the air.

Fenrir screamed out sending shivers down the spines of every human staring with horrified eyes. Taehyung kept his paws on his shoulders.

He looked downward, terrified as he watched the black lycan marching toward him; with lips curled upward, baring sharp teeth and letting out low groans, his tail held stiffly behind him, his fur bristling as his ears stood erected; he sneered at him, boring holes on the man’s scared face who began pleading, begging for mercy.

The Alpha raised his paw and rested it on Fenrir’s ankle and slowly, gradually the wolf leaned more and more onto his limb until the man’s weaker bone broke and shattered underneath the impressive strength.

Carefully, the lycan proceeded to splinter the rest of his skeleton, little by little, tearing shouts that would curl the blood of anyone in the vicinity and make them run for their life for the sole purpose of never encountering the cause behind those screams.

Taehyung’s claws pierced through the man’s armor and skin, to prevent him from rolling around although after the Alpha finished crushing his lower body bones he was not able to move in any way.

“If any of you share the same views as that ingrate, that vile churl,” she announced to her people after the lycans had retreated, “then step forward.”

The men exchanged looks silently.

“Surrender your weapons,” ordered Jungkook.

The Queen marched down towards Fenrir, her gaze blinded by sorrow and revenge and without a word she lowered her torch, she had taken from a guard standing in the back, for the fire to take hold of his clothes. Orange and yellow rapidly consumed the entirety of his broken body, the echo of his cries dying in the eerily silent night.

********************************

A discussion had been initiated at the end of the conflict between both parties. With the assistance of Taehyung and Jungkook, each helping you persuading their kin, you were able to come up with a treaty that addressed the problematic issues and offered terms suiting both the Alpha and the Queen that took into considerations their wishes and were supervised with rules they would have to follow to ensure the good relationship.

This mattered a lot to you and you wished nothing but to put an end to those abductions, pointless ransacking and to avoid any other losses. You were adamant in settling this issue once and for all for the sake of all the victims and for Jimin.  

**********************************

Much to your surprise, the Queen visited the camp for your lost friends’ funeral. The Alpha had kindly agreed for you to say one last goodbye to them.

She came with Jungkook and joined the small gathering made of you and your husband.

Taehyung had helped decorating beautifully ships for the burials. The dead wolf was positioned on its side, lying on a bed made of large leaves and little purple flowers. Fuchsia and white lilies with gladioli and daffodils decorated the larger ship where Jimin was laid on, framing enchantingly his pale and peaceful visage.

The water was quietly moving on the beach you were all gathered. Waist-deep in, you brought final touches to their flowery coffins, making sure their eternal sleeps would never be bothered on their way to the afterlife. You turned to lean over the vampire; his features were so tranquil, peaceful and it hurt knowing his lids would never open again.  

You slowly pressed your shaky lips onto his cold cheeks and whispered in his ears, “farewell good friend.”

Taehyung joined you and gently pushed the wolf’s boat while you took care of the other.

You walked out of the water and stood next to the Queen and Jungkook. Taehyung’s arm circled your shoulder and you squeezed your fingers after you felt your half-brother’s hand holding onto yours and tears overflowed your eyes instantly.

A man shot two blazing arrows in the air which landed perfectly onto the two ships setting them on fire as they kept drifting away towards the infinite seas.

🎼

One month later

You never stopped visiting the wolf’s home after its demise.

It was set a little away from the encampment but the location made it seem like nothing else surrounded it, only nature echoed in your ears. You often brought with you your children to spend time there, disconnected from everything or everyone else. The sole exception was that now you had to cover your body entirely away from sunrays.

Sitting by the empty den, you marvelled at the sight of flowers with your youngest son on your lap while your eldests played together nearby.

They were running after each other, pretending to be fierce beasts when someone intruded on their play games.

Your ears instantly caught the newcomer’s steps. Your daughter leaped up and rushed forward at the sight of the stranger when her brother chose to stay back looking mildly afraid.

You walked slowly to where they were, your baby boy in your arms and your oldest one took the opportunity to hide behind your legs.

A wide grin stretched your lips after you identified the outsider.

You called out your daughter, adjusting your hood, “there’s no need to act ferocious. He’s our friend.”

“Our friend,” she repeated looking up at you disconcerted.

You hummed in approval. “Hello, Jungkook.”

The man’s smile softened and he walked closer. He waved at your son whose grasp around your dress tightened when the man had waved at him, remembering him from your last visit at the castle. Your hand came to caress his hair.

“I thought I’d come see you, see where you’re living. And them too.” His lips curved in a lopsided smile, gazing down at your children.

“That is very kind of you,” you trailed with a grin. You walked closer and he raised his hand to stick one finger inside your baby son’s fist. “But, we actually don’t plan to stay here.”

His brows raised, “Oh, really?”

“Yes,” you replied, wiping the drool off your baby’s chin with the back of your hand. “We plan to travel around for a while.”

Jungkook’s eyes softened as he looked at you looking at your child, “so you’re really going to live up to your dreams.”

“I am and you can come along if you want to,” you giggled, remembering the fond memory.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to interfere,” he spoke quietly looking down, “besides, I have a couple of duties to take care of now.” You frowned at him. “My mother appointed me the sovereign.” You looked at him with a surprised look, “I know I’m still too youn- ”

“No,no,no,” You quickly cut him off, adjusting the hold of your baby against your hip. You smiled at him with affectionate eyes. He was really not going to be your little Jungkook anymore. He had stopped a long time ago. “I’m sure you’re going to do just fine.”

“You think?”

“Of course,” you trailed dusting off his shoulder and then smiled again, “you have it in your blood.”

A comfortable silence fell then as you looked at each other contended. You moved at the same time towards one another, opening your arms to gently hug together. You were missing each other terribly.

“Look, mama!” You pulled apart when the voice of your daughter suddenly chirped.

Surprised etched on both of Jungkook’s and your face when you looked down at her, right before fond smiles stretched your lips at the sight of her finger, stilling in the air to hold a beautiful white butterfly.  

🎼

You heard Taehyung and the others from where you were, some meters away and you set off towards them.

The lycans had shifted back into their human forms as they stepped out of the forest with the fruits of their labor amidst snickers.

Their gazes all locked on you when you had stepped underneath the moonlight, stalking towards them, your perfect and naked legs stretching out beautifully as your feet stepped soundlessly on the wet green lawn. Your hair was flowing lightly behind you and the ambient lightning beautified your features even more. If the men did not know your particular scent they would have easily mistaken you for a nymph.

Taehyung’s gaze had frozen on you; the instant it had met your gorgeous figure, everything else became trivial.

The Alpha smirked throwing him a knowing glance as others whistled playfully, teasing him and eventually it was just you and Taehyung.

You came to a standstill and he shortened the distance between the two of you until you were at an arm length, his grin shortened in a meaningful lopsided smile.

“Where are the children?” He wondered, mentally thinking of the reasons that led you to meet him at this right place at this right moment.

Your plump lips stretched and your voice answered sweetly, “hopefully asleep in their beds.”

Taehyung walked again to get closer to you but you moved before, quietly passing him by. He frowned and turned around never looking away from your figure as he joined you where you had stilled. He pressed himself faintly against yours.

You looked up at the moon, shining so brightly above you.

You wondered how it felt to Taehyung, how your cold skin felt against his hot one. You had no notion of cool or burn except for the sun.

Probably due to his condition as an extraordinary creature, you could feel he felt warm, hot but like sun rays had once been to you, pleasant, agreeable but above all homely. He had always been that, you had always known him as his own sun; your exclusive and intimate source of heat.

He had promised nothing would have changed after the end of your transformation but you were adamant about it not being entirely true. You had thought you surely felt different to him, definitely closer to a cooled down version of yourself but because of his high temperature he could not be that uncomfortable, even less when he still stuck to his habits and spent most of his time, when in your company, flushed to you.

You leaned back on him, relishing his touch and slowly you could feel his stiffening core snuggling up against your taut rear and his nose nuzzling in your soft hair.

“Do you remember this place?” You mused while he softly trailed his lips down the side of your neck.

A chuckle escaped him with a rush of air through his nose; how could he forget?

“I came to find you,” you continued quietly, “at the exact same place you found me so many nights before.”

Taehyung reluctantly let you go and narrowed his eyes slightly as you faced him to look at his body with your new eyes.  

You slowly dragged your gaze up the expanse of his long legs, lingered an instant on his firm thighs, biting the inner side of your bottom lip when your stare reached his testes, large and tightly swelled, then admired his erected length, standing stiffly against his stiffening lower stomach right in the middle of his taut iliac furrow which was covered with a patch of thin black trimmed hair.

With your newly acquired abilities, you could effortlessly notice details your human eyes could not beforehand, hear sounds you would have never been able to perceive; like the flowing of his blood becoming deafening in your ears as it was rushing downward to grow and harden his stately and enticing appendage even more.

Then following the almost nonexistent trail of hair up, you ogled the smooth expanse of his stomach and his softly outlined chest that heaved at a steady pace with every breath, the loud thudding of his heart that quickened exponentially. His collarbones were even more noticeable in the dim light, linking broad shoulders and leading to strong arms, the skin curving outward along his muscles and the path of his veins down to his large hands.

His thick and strong neck gulped down visibly before your eyes finally settling on his perfect and ethereal features, subtly frowning with deep desire, his eyes turning a shade darker, concupiscent, partly hidden under a thick curtain of charcoal hair.

Your hand slowly crawled up to undo the sole button of your silky dressing gown. You heard it as quiet as it came out, Taehyung’s breath hitching as you proceeded to curl your fingers around the cloth to separate it and deliberately, let it slid down the expanse of your body very languidly.

The gown silently reached the ground, puddling around your feet on the grass covered with dew, and you were left bare just as he was; sublime bodies basking in the spectral light.

He devoured you with his eyes, gazing at your every curved at the same time. His mind was frenetic as he stared lustfully at you standing with your hips swayed, one foot outdistancing the other, your signature stance.

He leered the perfect lines of your firm legs, smooth and soft looking under the blanching hues, lingered his dark stare when he reached the mouth of your arousal, which mystifyingly still provided him the sweetest of smell and undoubtedly the most delectable of delicacies.

The soft swell of your fecund hips, the alluring curve of your waist, your tightly drawn belly which had carried the fruits of his loins. If there was one thing Taehyung would regret never seeing in his life again it would be his markings on your skin that had now acquired the ability to heal as fast as his but above all the absence of those pretty stretch marks, once adorning your skin, gorgeous purple stria that vouched for those emotional moments in your lives.

His gaze travelled up on your bosom, perfectly round and soft looking with perky nipples he wished he was already fondling and festing on.

The underside of his eyes puffed with satisfaction at the sight of the rosewood crescents that made it up on the nonexistent bruises, that had not been healed and looked as new as the day he gave it to you.

He proceeded to follow the outline of your body, reaching the soft muscles of your arms tensing as you undid your hair and let the wind gently bristle it, pervading the air with your sweet scent, and move it to frame your delicate, gauzy looking face; he met your mysterious gaze watching him back with the same strong sexual desire before eventually gapping at your plump bottom lip you were biting on in such a suggestive manner.  

Only one thought was driving Taehyung’s mind — Immortality suited you, beautifully, perfectly.

He calmly drew closer and this time you stood still. His mouth parted as he looked down at you and you gazed up at him just as expectantly.  

You wanted him to know that you were now grateful destiny brought him your way when everyone else had given up on you. You did not crave his presence or touch the same way you needed before — not purely out self-interest anymore — you wanted him to feel you cared about him, that he mattered to you as much as you to him, that your love for him was beginning to become reciprocal and equal to his.

And so gradually, it felt natural to you to put words on those feelings that had grown within you as days passed by his sides because it simply, finally sounded right to you.

He was forever yours and you were forever his.

                                                                                                        Fin.

<< Prev Part

[supertweetycherry]

DIE HARD || [i. Prologue]

—Pairings: BTS x OC 

—Genre: BTS Mafia Au, Slight Fluff, Angst (a lot of it), Heartbreak, Thriller 

—Ratings: 18+ | MA Content | R 

—Warnings: Blood, Death, Killing, Guns/Weapons and Violence. 

—Summary: She belong to them. They belong to her. It’s simple as that. Period. —Word Count: 2.8k

Navigation -> Masterlist || MASTERPOST <<FOREWORD || PART 1>>

Prologue - The Tragic Night 

                                                 10 years ago... 

“So, how do I look?” 

A girl in her late teenage years twirled around in a long fancy dress as she beamed at the older women standing infront of her. The dress was a long ball gown in the shade of pale pink with flowers coating the blouse in elegant designs. The back was encrusted with shiny, twinkling diamonds, embedded into the dress by her own mother. 

“You look gorgeous, Yoona.” The older women beamed, caressing the young girl’s hair in affection. “A true beauty in her most simplest form. That’s what you are.” 

“Unnie...” The girl whined, pouting at her older sister’s words. “Please be serious. I want your true thoughts on this.” 

“I’m serious, my baby.” The older sister said, coming closer to capture her little sister’s pouting face. “You are going to be turning 16 soon. You look gorgeous in anything that you wear.” 

“But unnie... kookie said I look chubby.” Yoona whined as she glanced at her figure in the mirror. It’s true that the gown looks beautiful on her, but with her puffy body, she can’t help but think that maybe... just maybe, the long gown wasn’t the right choice for her. 

“That’s just your baby fat which will wash off as you grow up, sweetheart.” Her older sister assured her. “And besides, when did you start taking that stupid bunny’s words to the heart?” 

Yoona gulped. She wasn’t ready to tell her sister about the hurtful rumours that circulate around the school on daily basis. Rumours that are starting to affect her as she realised what the boys meant to her. 

“It’s just...” The girl tried to say it but she couldn’t. Instead, she let out a defeated sigh. 

“Yoona. My dear little Yoona...” The older women cooed, bringing the younger girl into her arms. “Don’t take anything to the heart, sweetheart. Life is weird. Things will happen. Words will be said. Hearts will be broken. No matter what happens, don’t ever look down on yourself, okay?”

Yoona pursed her lips and nodded, hugging her sister back. She loved the fact that her big sister always knew how to cheer her up. 

“Okay, Unnie.” 

“Good, lets go downstairs so we can reach the venue on time.” 

Yoona smiled and nodded. Today is a very special day for her. She’s going to be the jewel of tonight’s party. She’s turning 16 today. A big step in her life. Her family has organised a grand lavish party just for her. She was excited but also at the same time, nervous. 

As they descended down the giant staircase, a group of men stood waiting for them at the bottom. Both the sisters looked at each other in confusion. 

“Chen? What’s going on?” Yoona asked as she saw her trusty personal bodyguard, waiting for her. The boy was only few years older than her. He has been her companion and her saviour since birth. 

“Forgive me, ladies. But we are here to escort you both to the venue safely.” 

“All of you?” Yoona spoke, glancing at the other three guards, staring at her with complete blank faces. 

“Yes.” 

The girl didn’t question any further. She’ll just have to pretend that this is one of those days where her father is being a bit too possessive over their safety. But as they reached the bottom stair, Yoona couldn’t help but feel a small pit of dread gather inside her. A very peculiar, bad feeling has started to bubble within her. It raised red flags in her head. 

It was only her sister’s hand that kept her at bay. 

As they headed towards the entrance of their mansion, a tall man with broad shoulders, stood waiting for them, right on their doorstep. 

“Uncle Sung-woo...” 

Both of the girls smiled at their only uncle who stood smiling back at them. He was dressed in one of the most expensive suits, especially tailored for him by the best designer in all of Seoul. 

“Ahh... girls There you are.” The man said, flaunting around his shiny black hair as his hands clapped against each other in excitement. “You both ready?” 

The two ladies nodded. They could see a line of expensive SUVs, parked behind him. 

“Good, Good. Let’s get going.” 

And with that, both of the ladies were piled into the waiting cars. 

                                                    *********

“Nervous?” Her older sister whispered in her ear as their car rolled into the venue. It was a beautiful lake-side resort that her family booked for the weekend. The party was being held at the second floor, where a large ball room was built to accomodate the style of Lee’s legendary parties. Everyone was invited. Anyone that had connections with her family was invited.

Sometimes, it shocks Yoona at how big her family’s influence is. Being one of the top businessmen in the whole nation was quite an achievement. But something about this high status never sat well with her. It had never bothered her before, but as she starts to realise things, it was becoming hard for her to be ignorant these days. 

“A little.” 

Their uncle was sitting at the front of the car, so they had to make sure to keep their voices low. 

“You’ll be fine.” The older women whispered, grasping yoona’s hand in a comforting manner. “Just be honest with them.” 

The younger nodded before looking at her charm bracelet given to her by the boys. She’s going to be upfront with her feelings today... and hopefully, she’ll make it through in one piece.  

                                                     **********

“Yoona!” 

The girl looked up just in time to see a tall, handsome figure engulfing her in his arms. Her face flushed as the familiar strawberry smell filled her nose. 

Taehyung. 

“You’re suffocating me, Tae-Tae.” The girl cried as the boy was literally squashing her. 

“Oh...” The boy instantly unwrapped himself off her and sheepishly smiled. “Oops, sorry.” 

Yoona shook her head and glanced at the other five boys who have managed to cover her entire view of the Grand party hall. Sometimes, she hated how small she was compared to their towering figures. 

“Hello boys.” 

They all beamed at her. The six boys infront of her plays a major role in her life. They were her best friends and only friends in this cruel world. Everyone else just uses her for her money. Her family was one of the richest families in the nation. So, finding good, true, die hard friends was a bit problematic for her, especially when she’s envied for being the rich girl. 

“So, how do I look?” She asked, twirling around once again in her long, pale pink ball gown, making sure to flaunt her braided hair that her older sister took the liberty of braiding it into an elegant piece of artwork. It was filled with little pink flowers, and solid shimmery glitter. 

It was the cute, teasing bunny who started complimenting her first... or should she say ‘tormenting her’. 

“Aigoo... my chubby little princess looks so cute and fluffy in her poofy dress.” He cooed with a baby voice, pinching her cheeks in the process. She glared at the boy who just shrugged and continued poking and pinching her. 

Then came his partner in crime who had suffocated her earlier in his developing arms. 

“Awww... Yoona baby looks so cute.” He gushed, cupping her face and squashing it lightly. She managed to push him away before another happy boy jumped onto her with a huge sunshine smile. 

“Angel! You look so pretty!” He beamed, making the teenager flush. “Twirl around for me please.” 

And she did, letting her dress do the magic... atleast she hoped it would. 

“Pink suits you a lot, Yoona.” Another voice chimed in. Yoona’s eyes shifted to the brown-headed male who was also smiling at her. He lightly caressed the loose hair on her side and licked his lips unconsciously. 

“Thank you, chim chim.” 

Yoona then looked at one of the tallest members of the group who stood watching her with calculating eyes. He looked as handsome as ever. 

“You’ve grown.” He commented, coming closer and poking her body in odd places. “Reduced a bit in size too.” That’s when his eyes narrowed at her. “Are you skipping your meals?” 

“No?” She tried to lie but failed miserably. 

“Yoona..” he warned, now grabbing her arms and pinning her with his pointy gaze. 

“I’m fine, Jinnie Oppa.” She assured the boy. He was the oldest among them so she needs to be calm and respectful towards him. “I have just been doing some... extra exercises.” 

He didn’t seem convinced but none-the-less nodded and moved back. 

In an instant, another figure hugged her. 

“You always look beautiful Yoona. Please ignore hyung. He’s just being a mumma bear again.” The sweet, raspy voice of her closest companion said in her ears. She smiled at the blonde leader of the group. His dimples were popping out and she couldn’t help but poke them. 

Her eyes then searched for the seventh member of their group. Her favourite boy among them. 

“Where’s Yoongi Oppa?” She asked the leader. 

“He’s just running an errand.” His voice turned a bit grim. “Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon.”

She frowned but the none the less nodded and continued mingling. 

                                                     ***********

As her celebration party progressed forward, Yoona’s peculiar, bad feeling returned with full force. Red flags raised up in her head. Something felt wrong to her. Something bad was happening, and her instincts were warning her of an upcoming danger. Call it her luck but her instincts has always been right. If there’s something wrong then, there is something wrong. That’s just how it is. That’s how her father has taught her. 

And soon, that feeling came true. She was just standing in the grand balcony of the party hall, looking at the large lake below her in wonder. Her thoughts were running wild. Her fingers were rubbing over the silver ring that sat on her left hand, showcasing a dark red ruby glancing back at her. It was beautiful in every aspect. The perfect gift she could ever get by him. 

It was the sudden extra weight that broke her wishful thoughts. A flash of mint-green hair and a huge body stumbling into her arms. 

The first thing she noticed was the blood and a deep wound on his right shoulder. Then, the bleeding head injury on his forehead. 

“Oppa!” She screamed, grabbing numerous eyes on her. Worry build up inside her as she caught the man before he could loose his balance. He seemed sweaty and tired. His breathing was shaky and ragged as her fingers glided over his bleeding forehead. His knuckles were also bruised and his lips mouthed her name over and over again. “O-Oppa...” she said shakily, holding onto the man in fear. “w-what happened t-to you?” 

Before he could reply to her, a loud boom filled the entire hall. The ceiling shook as the ground below them moved. That’s when screams started. Loud, blood curling screams as everything around her erupted in fire. 

“Yoona...” Someone tucked down on her arms. She looked down in her arms to see Yoongi looking at her with guilt and regret written all over his face. His breathing was thick due to his punctured wound on his shoulder. “R-run... r-run Yoona!” 

Before she could react, someone pulled her away from him. The grip was tightened around her hair, making her scream in pain. She looked up to see a man, dressed in all black clothing, pulling onto her, dragging her across the floor. She screamed and wiggled in his grip as she saw another man in black, hovering over her lover’s wounded body with a gun. 

“No, YOONGI!” She yelled but it was already too late. The gun fired with a loud bang and the bullet was embedded straight into Yoongi’s chest. Everything seemed distant to her as she fought harder to get closer to him. Her eyes teared as she saw her lover’s eyes drift over to her in pure pain and longing before closing. 

A heart-wrenching scream left her lungs as she realized what this meant. 

Suddenly, another shot was fired, and the man behind her dropped dead. She looked up just in time to see Jungkook holding a gun in his hand. His nicely tucked in tuxedo was now in creases as his eyes showed complete fear. Not for himself, but for her. 

“Yoona, get out of here! NOW!” He screamed just as another loud boom echoed. The ground below them cracked. “Yoona, MOVE!” 

In an instant, Yoona felt adrenaline rush hit her as she picked herself up and ran to lover’s dead form. She was hoping that he was still alive. He wasn’t allowed to die this easily. He has always promised her to stay next to her till the end, so there’s no way in hell she’s going to leave him. But before she could reach him, the ground around him broke off, plunging his body into the depths of the lake below as the rest of the balcony followed soon. 

“YOONGI!” She screamed in tears. She could hear her other boys screaming for their lost brother too. 

Her figure was frozen as she leaned onto the sides of the broken balcony. Her fingers digging into the chipped wall beside her. Her Oppa has just died. One of her dearest friend and one of the person she loved just died right infront of her. 

“Yoona!” A familiar figure covered her view. It was her older sister. “Yoona, What are you doing? Let’s go!” 

The older women pulled her back towards the hall, oblivious to the danger pointed in her direction. Just as they made it few steps in, the unmistakable sound of yet another gun shot was heard. As if on cue, Yoona felt her older sister’s grip loosened. When she turned around to see what happened, a horrid sight greeted her. A red bullet hole was embedded right in between her sister’s forehead. 

“No! UNNIE!” The girl screamed for the tenth time as her older sister’s form dropped dead on the ground. The expressions on the dead women’s face was horrifying and mentally scarring to Yoona’s mind. She tried to shake her sister awake, begging and crying for her to wake up. But, nothing moved. 

“No, no, no! Unnie! Wake up Unnie! You can’t leave me!” Yoona begged, tears staining her cheeks as another round of gunshots were heard just few spaces away from her. No matter how much Yoona shook the dead corpse, her sister wouldn’t wake up. 

“Unni...” she cried, a tight lump forming in her chest.  

She looked up at the destructive party hall. There were dead bodies everywhere. Some of them shot to death and some of them crushed underneath the caving ceiling due to the explosions. What is going on with her day? Why is her family being targeted? 

She sat there, clutching onto her sister’s dead corpse, as her eyes managed to locate her parents, already dead and crushed under the destroyed ceiling. Her heart filled up with pain as she wailed loudly at her dead family and at her dead love. 

Suddenly, a creak was heard and the ceiling above her, caved in on her. With no will power to move, she just sat there and let it crush her. That was the last thing she remembered before blacking out. 

                                                     **********

When she did open her eyes again, she found herself in her Uncle Sung woo’s arms as the building infront of her exploded into a giant mushroom of fire and smoke.  

Her uncle hugged her as her brain tried to piece together the time gap. Her dress was now torn from all sides, and there was a large gash on her right arm that she doesn’t remember getting. 

“I’m sorry, Yoona. They’re all dead. They are all dead!” He cried, clutching her as his face filled up with pain and tears. 

The teenager just stood there in his arms like a dead corpse. The lake-side house erupting into flames infront of her made her body go limp. Her family was gone. Her whole family was gone. Just like that. 

Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. 

“T-the boys... w-what about the b-boys, uncle? Where are they?” She asked him in desperation. 

Please let them be alive. Please be alive. 

But they weren’t. Her uncle’s grim expression and a shake of his head confirmed it. 

Everyone that she ever loved or knew was dead. Gone and poofed away into that firey smoke. 

And for the second time that night, her vision blacked out. 

[secretlyatargaryen]

I'm really, really tired of Tyrion haters getting up in arms about his thought about how Sansa's grief made her "more beautiful” like it’s somehow the worst thing in the world.

Y'all will be like "how dare this disabled man feel attraction, gross" and then use the quote on ten thousand queen Sansa gif sets.

fyi I’m talking about this quote:

Her hair was a rich autumn auburn, her eyes a deep Tully blue. Grief had given her a haunted, vulnerable look; if anything, it had only made her more beautiful.

I mean, yeah, the quote is an obvious example of Tyrion idealizing Sansa and he's thinking of her as less of a person here and more of what she represents to him, as a romantic ideal that is out of reach. Sansa is everything he wants but can't have and is told that he shouldn't want to have because of his disability, beautiful, high born - the fact that she is a hostage of the Lannisters only idealizes her more because it makes her unattainable. Of course this is problematic, but Tyrion knows this. He also knows he shouldn't feel this way and part of his policing of his own thoughts are about how horrible this situation is for her and he doesn't want to put her through any more suffering, and part of it is him thinking that he shouldn't feel this way because he's a dwarf and the internalized ableism he constantly puts himself through as a result of his own trauma. So when I see y'all be like "how dare he" I think about how Tyrion himself thinks of any romantic/sexual feelings he has (towards anyone) as inherently wrong because of his dwarfism.

I want her, he realized. I want Winterfell, yes, but I want her as well, child or woman or whatever she is. I want to comfort her. I want to hear her laugh. I want her to come to me willingly, to bring me her joys and her sorrows and her lust. His mouth twisted in a bitter smile. Yes, and I want to be tall as Jaime and as strong as Ser Gregor the Mountain too, for all the bloody good it does.

I mean, of course Tyrion idealizes women and especially tragic women. He grew up with a horribly abusive father and an absent mother who was constantly held up as a tragic ideal and whose death he was directly blamed for. I also suspect this is part of why he sees Sansa as someone who he both wishes he could save and feels responsible for. Which makes it really strange that people ignore all that in his pov and claim that Tyrion doesn’t understand or empathize with Sansa’s grief.

He had expected anguish and anger when he told her of her brother's death, but Sansa's face had remained so still that for a moment he feared she had not understood. It was only later, with a heavy oaken door between them, that he heard her sobbing. Tyrion had considered going to her then, to offer what comfort he could. No, he had to remind himself, she will not look for solace from a Lannister. The most he could do was to shield her from the uglier details of the Red Wedding as they came down from the Twins. Sansa did not need to hear how her brother's body had been hacked and mutilated, he decided; nor how her mother's corpse had been dumped naked into the Green Fork in a savage mockery of House Tully's funeral customs. The last thing the girl needed was more fodder for her nightmares.

It was not enough, though. He had wrapped his cloak around her shoulders and sworn to protect her, but that was as cruel a jape as the crown the Freys had placed atop the head of Robb Stark's direwolf after they'd sewn it onto his headless corpse. Sansa knew that as well. The way she looked at him, her stiffness when she climbed into their bed . . . when he was with her, never for an instant could he forget who he was, or what he was. No more than she did. She still went nightly to the godswood to pray, and Tyrion wondered if she were praying for his death. She had lost her home, her place in the world, and everyone she had ever loved or trusted. Winter is coming, warned the Stark words, and truly it had come for them with a vengeance. But it is high summer for House Lannister. So why am I so bloody cold?

Tyrion knows he can’t do anything for her and he knows he shouldn’t try and that he’s just imposing on her or making it worse. He also knows that he shouldn’t be feeling bad for the Starks because it’s technically treason and that complicates his feelings towards her as well.

Tyrion also relates to Sansa's sadness and allows her to feel and express her grief in a way that few other people in King's Landing do, perhaps because he relates to her as someone who also feels trapped by his family and who knows what it feels like to be helpless. 

"I . . ." Sansa did not know what to say. Is it a trick? Will he punish me if I tell the truth? She stared at the dwarf's brutal bulging brow, the hard black eye and the shrewd green one, the crooked teeth and wiry beard. "I only want to be loyal."

"Loyal," the dwarf mused, "and far from any Lannisters. I can scarce blame you for that. When I was your age, I wanted the same thing." He smiled.

Tyrion’s very first interaction with Sansa is him expressing validation of her feelings and her grief - that she’s constantly being forced to deny - and her feeling comfortable enough to actually trust him because he’s in a similar liminal space as her, being seen as a “traitor” to her family and having to act the part but a hostage of his.

His grin turned into something softer as he studied her face. "Is it grief for your lord father that makes you so sad?"

"My father was a traitor," Sansa said at once. "And my brother and lady mother are traitors as well." That reflex she had learned quickly. "I am loyal to my beloved Joffrey."

"No doubt. As loyal as a deer surrounded by wolves."

"Lions," she whispered, without thinking. She glanced about nervously, but there was no one close enough to hear. 

Lannister reached out and took her hand, and gave it a squeeze. "I am only a little lion, child, and I vow, I shall not savage you."

Of course, Sansa can't truly trust him and she thinks he's trying to trick her when he does validate her grief aloud, and it's understandable why she feels that way, and it becomes even worse once they’re forced into marriage together, and Tyrion understands this, too. He’s constantly self-flagellating about it. It’s hard to miss. (Unless of course you didn’t read Tyrion’s chapters, lol)

She was not eating, either. "Sansa, is aught amiss?" He spoke without thinking, and instantly felt the fool. All her kin are slaughtered and she's wed to me, and I wonder what's amiss.

But knowing that he can’t help her and that she’s not in a position to fulfill his own emotional needs doesn't stop him from wishing that he could get through to her because like, people have complicated emotions. But it’s always tinted with the knowledge that he can’t and that it would be unfair to her for him to expect it, not entitlement. Even in the context of the quote that begins this meta, his thoughts are more like a confused attempt to reach out to her which he also criticizes himself for, not an expectation. And disabled characters should be allowed to have complicated emotions especially when it comes to love and sex without fandom going "ew gross" or treating it as predatory. 

People idealize other people all the time, and of course he does this with Sansa. He doesn’t know the real her and his attraction to her is much more about an ideal that she represents. But it’s a very human emotion and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about her suffering, as is blatantly untrue in what is shown above, or that he “doesn’t see her as a real person.” He sees her as much as he can without actually being able to communicate with her. They don’t know each other, they’re not in a relationship, they’re married only in name and on opposite sides of a war. Still, he reaches out to her as a person and empathizes with her suffering long before the marriage and identifies with it in a very personal way (much like he does with Bran and Jon), divulging to Sansa information about his own history of abuse which he has rarely spoken aloud to any other character. He actually empathizes with her in much the same way that she does him, in a confused, terrified, vulnerable and detached sort of way, without actually being able to communicate or trust each other but feeling a deep pity for the other person and a sense of shared trauma.

Even without that, though, it’s not intrinsically wrong for a disabled person to think that a stranger is beautiful, even in a sad sort of way. Grief can be beautiful. Seeing people be vulnerable and wanting to comfort them can be incredibly attractive. It’s not like he’s saying he enjoys her suffering. And this fandom goes way off the deep end for some reason *cough* when it comes to disabled people just thinking about attraction.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Here Comes A New Challenger

Apparently PlayStation is launching a production company in partnership with HBOMax. I had no idea this was a thing. I heard whispers of an Uncharted film starring Tom Holland and a The Last of Us series in production but i had no idea they were all under one production umbrella. This sh*t feels like the power move executed by Marvel when they decided to create Marvel Studios. I’m on record as to be an egregious PlayStation shill, mostly because of the quality they put into there games, but in this age of micro-transactions and multiplayer nonsense, PlayStation feels like the only company that values narrative and you know how much i love good storytelling, man. I have concerns, mostly wondering if PlayStation productions is going to be independent of Sony Pictures because Sony can’t make a quality movie to save it’s life and id hate for that stigma to poison the well before PlayStation Productions gets and opportunity to drink, you know? That said, there are a ton of dope properties in the PS library to pull from. Some have already been announced; the aforementioned Last of Us and Uncharted but a few more have with the rumor trades.

Sly Cooper is rumored to be in production as a television show. I like this look. I’ve never been a huge fan of the Sly franchise but I've always respected the games, themselves. The amount of passion and legit storytelling therein was pretty commendable. Another franchise looking to get the big TV production push is Ratchet and Clank. This one is a no-brainer. The merchandising, alone, makes this a top option. It’s kind of weird though, because out of all of these early PS3 property, Jak and Daxter is not among them. You’d think that franchise would get an enthusiastic nod because, not because it’s got a unique look, but the story was pretty legit, too. Of these three, i actually beat all three mainline Jak games. Those were dope and it’s kind of ridiculous to me that no one is trying to develop that sh*t as a production. Also ridiculous to is the fact that Twisted Metal got a nod. Twisted f*cking Metal. Why? How? You pass on Jak but green light Sweet Tooth? Really? That’s a little concerning, however, the one franchise said to be n the works for film that i think has a shot at being something truly great is Horizon: Zero Dawn.

I love this game. Love it. When i first saw the trailer way back in 2015, i knew i needed it. I knew it was going to play like a champ. I knew the story was going to be, at the very least, serviceable. I mean, how can it not be a real experience? You got a scrappy, redhead, heroine, taking down robot dinosaurs with f*cking arrows and then gutting them for tech to increase your own abilities? F*cking sign me up, man! If you know me, then you know i love dinosaurs and robots. This sh*t was both. I mean, it’s tailor-made for me, specifically. If this sh*t was set in a cyberpunk dystopia, I'd f*cking marry it because I'd love it so much. Plus, i mean, another bad ass heroine to add the the echelon of bad ass game heroines? Aloy is an amazing protagonist and i instantly fell in love with her. That makes casting very tricky because she is such a fan favorite but there is a name being whispered to take up that charge and i think is a perfect fit; Rose Leslie.

Rose is best known for playing Ygritte on Game of Thrones. She was the red-headed, firecracker of a Wildling, that was basically Jon Snows first female everything. She was amazing in that show and easily became my second favorite character, after Arya. For the record, Arya, Ygritte, and Daenerys. Thems are my faves, that’s the rank, even if they’re all kind of problematic. That entire show is problematic so, you know, par for the course. After Leslie’s unceremonious exit in service to the development of Jon Snow, my girl got fridged, y’all, she ventured into other avenues. I happened to catch one of these endeavors, a low-budget horror flick called Honeymoon. It was awesome, a true underrated gem. I really enjoyed everything about this movie. I might do a proper review one day, maybe a revisit or something, but this movie showed me the emotional range Leslie has as an actor. I knew she had the physicality from Thrones but it was my viewing of Honeymoon which sold me on Leslie’s overall versatility. She’s need both to realistically embody Aloy, a challenge i think she is more than up to tackle. Plus, if things come together correctly and this thing gets a budget, it can legit compete with with the most ardent of franchises like Star Wars or Dune. If Leslie gets this role, she has a real opportunity to be a cultural icon like Ellen Ripley or Sarah Connor and that’s just dope.

I really like the idea of PlayStation Production and i look forward to what they actually create. If that company handles their IPs with the same passion and reverence they have for the gaming side of the business, PSP will be in good hands. imagine the wealth of stories that could be told. The aforementioned Jak is at the top of my wish list but the potential of Kojima making an adaption of Death Stranding in the same, surreal, vein of Twin Peaks. Maybe a stab at a CG animated version of Battle Arena Toshinden or a Heavenly Sword historical epic akin to Netflix's Marco Polo or Thrones, itself. Maybe a few Spyro or Crash Bandicoot shorts to round everything out. The PlayStation IP library is as deep and rich as the MCU There’s a lot of opportunity for quality storytelling there, as long as you get the right creatives behind the right projects. The potential of this production company is really profound and i look forward to what the create. It anyone can break that game movie curse, it’s definitely PlayStation Productions. With all of these resources behind them, this thing has a real chance to be a legitimate rival to Disney going forward. If they don’t f*ck it up and let Sony dictate terms. I am terrified Sony is going to f*ck all of this up, man.

[createdbyinvisibles]

Naruto oc clan bio, Kikumoto clan.

This is a bio for an oc clan of mine, I thought it’d be better to start out with the clan first then the oc it was attached too, but please let me know what you think, I’d really like feedback.

Words: 7652  

The Kikumoto clan was a small-sized (now formally disbanded), known for an upper-middle-class kind of nobility, that specialized in intellectual prowess and with that knowledge, they found jobs as the position known as a "book carrier."

Clan name 

Kikumoto (菊本) is a surname that means chrysanthemum book; it was given to them because, since their job centred around intellectual prowess, people would make fun of them by calling them a "delicate chrysanthemum book," or Kikumoto. A name that the Kikumoto took as their surname because they felt it actually fit better than their original surname, "Itō" (伊藤)

Clan mottos

Official phrase

“Enjoy today, because tomorrow could be worse.”

Honorary phrase

“I told you so.”

Clan insignia

The clan insignia for the Kikumoto is a black chrysanthemum with four white pistils. The pistils represent the four books of knowledge, and the petals are the rest of the clan doing their best to carry those books. But with the petals loose and distant from the pistil it also symbolises the Leaf village’s interference. With such a powerful government, it leaves many to question exactly how much control the Kikumoto have over themselves in the first place. 

Clan status

The Kikumoto clan is a small clan that while very cunning is also very weak, because of this, they secured jobs as book carriers which allowed them protection by the leaf village government. The reason the government protected them is also because of a secret technique created by the Kikumoto. A technique that allowed the user to store objects in their soul (such as government secrets); this technique led to the position of book carrier.

In politics, they have a very neutral viewpoint, and any opinion they do take is almost always gauged by logic and reasoning. Due to this logical and unbiased viewpoint, the clan ended up as a mediator for disputes that ranged from important missions to petty clan disputes that have no business being shared. The latter is more common.

Clan special techniques

Soul Book Transfer Jutsu

The "soul book transfer jutsu," is a secret technique that allows a user with a powerful soul, to transfer their soul into a specially made book, that then seals their soul into the book. Which in the process, creates a pocket world where the user can store whatever they want or need. However, the book will permanently become the user's soul, and if destroyed, will result in the death of the user. If the user or the book are separated, then the user becomes a mindless husk that only cares about the task of getting their book back, and will do anything to get it back. 

To transfer a person's soul into a book is for life. When the person dies, the pages of the book will fall out into a pile that must be burned, as it is the person's soul. When a new host comes to transfer their soul, new pages will appear in the book. 

Since the pages are a person's soul, if pages are torn, the user will experience immense pain, and if all the pages are torn out, the person will die.

The process of transferring your soul into a book is one that takes a lot of concentration, and if done with a soul too weak, could instantly kill the person. Thus only the best and strongest souls can transfer their souls; you can tell who transferred their souls by the seal marking (that is also the clan symbol) on their dominant hand. This seal marking is used to transport objects through the pocket world and also allows the user to go into the pocket world themselves. When going into the pocket world, the user's body is in a vegetable-like state, in which their body is unable to move and speak; all books share the same pocket world, and book carriers will even have conversations in the pocket world.

The job of a book carrier

The Kikumoto wished to create a service of information security, so they created the soul book transfer jutsu, along with four books each linked to the same pocket world. The books also served as a purpose in lessening the burden each person was to carry in distributing information, each book servicing a different purpose.

The first book was a thick blank, black textbook with white chrysanthemums, which focused on the pursuit of education. The carrier in question was tasked with the job of collecting information, redistributing, and translating the information into textbooks that could be used in all levels of knowledge. It was considered the second hardest job since the carrier in question had to simplify a lot of complicated information to allow everyone to understand it. It also meant having to understand darker parts of history and cover said history up, by whitewashing the material when needed. This whitewashing causes the carrier in question a great sense of guilt that they'd lug with them for the rest of their life.

The second book was a small black cheque book no bigger than a cell phone, which focused on the pursuit of economics. The carrier in question is tasked with the job of recording taxes, surpluses, balancing books, and just overall being a glorified accountant. This job was considered the 3rd hardest as it was just a tedious and draining desk job. Book carriers with this job can also propose economic ideas to the Hokage, but these are just under the table suggestions. 

The third book made was a regular-sized, white hardback book with a black book spine, which focused on the pursuit of literature. The carrier in question was tasked with the job to collect and translate books written by authors around the world. When not collecting books the carrier will run the Kikumoto clan's library, a library known for an immense collection of books on practically anything one could think of. It was considered the most relaxed job a book carrier can hold since it involves working a job that allows the person to lead a fulfilling life without a lot of hardships, and be surrounded by vast knowledge at every turn. The worst the person faces at their job is a rude patron; however, while the task may be easy, behind the scenes is a different story. 

Because of an excellent fulfilling job, it leads the book carrier to become the emotional anchor for the other three, soaking in everyone else's negative worries like a sponge. A job that the book carrier feels is the right thing to do since the book carrier themself have nothing to complain about in comparison to the others.

The fourth book was a thin but sizable white sketchbook with little black chrysanthemums decorating the cover, this book was focused on the pursuit of politics. The carrier in question was tasked with the job of storing secrets of the village, from jutsus to any piece of information the Leaf deemed problematic. The book carrier is of course sworn to secrecy; other than storing information to be kept confidential, depending on the Hokage the book carrier could also become an advisor for their wisdom was vast.

However, this depends on the Hokage for some Hokage treat the position as nothing more than a glorified bookcase or potential problem. Due to this job oppression, it is common for book carriers of this book to get jobs elsewhere, or to at least have a hobby. This job is considered the hardest to have amongst the book carriers since the death rate is so high. For the cons is to know all, there is to know, and understanding how scary a place the Leaf village can be. This understanding either causes silent resentment or apathetic acceptance, and both cause the user to experience immensely helplessness.

Book carriers are chosen for their immensely strong souls, and resilient minds, which are gained through training and conditioning. A process in which a book carrier at a young age will go through immense mind probing and mental torture to build up resilience for the information they carrier. 

This is a process that lasts up to three to five years and is done by telling the book carrier a fact each day, and their goal is to make sure the Anbu member they're assigned can't figure it out. The Anbu is allowed any means necessary to get the information from the book carrier, this involves mental torture and physical torture. This process repeats until the book carrier can keep three facts away from the Anbu guard three times in a row. This mental training is done to prevent the book carriers from going crazy from knowing all the village secrets, and not being able to tell anyone. This training also trains the book carriers to be impregnable to mind reading jutsus and mind probing. 

However, this still can't prevent the suffering that comes with such knowledge, and even with all that training, the standard lifespan of a book carrier can be 16-25 years. For most of the book carriers end up committing suicide from the stress and depression, such information brings them, so due to this short life span book carriers can change very quickly. 

Book carriers, due to their strong souls, can withstand a lot of the mental pain genjutsu cause, though breaking them is another story. 

To a similar effect, due to strong souls book carriers can kick out users of the mind transfer jutsu.

The mental training was first started in Tobirama Senju's term as Hokage, something that was made out of distrust that a book carrier could be trusted to carry the knowledge in the first place. Not to mention most were weary others might find out this knowledge by mental probing or mind reading. 

Tobirama was responsible for many strict laws against the Kikumoto clan, such as constant surveillance to keep them protected as well as able to keep tabs on them. Kikumoto book carriers weren't even allowed to take jobs as ninjas and or leave the village, as well as being barred from drinking alcohol, drug use, and smoking.

The third Hokage, Hirzuen was, in turn, a lot less strict and a lot more trusting for better or for worse, he even lifted some of the laws. Kikumoto book carriers from then on could take jobs as genin ninja. However, they still weren't allowed to leave the village and could only take community service jobs. Surveillance was changed to be only necessary if there was a visitor in the leaf village; however, while he was a lot less strict, it didn't stop the Kikumoto from judging Hiruzen for his laxness towards Danzo. 

The position of book carrier isn't necessarily hereditary. Still, book carriers typically give their books to their children because family is easier to trust when your clan is known to keep to themselves. 

The four books the Kikumoto possess, are books passed down from carrier to carrier; with the help of chakra, these books are a lot tougher than your typical book. The books are waterproof, fireproof, and the covers are resilient to most damage, the one fatal flaw is that the spine of the book, which can be snapped in half. There are only four Kikumoto books in existence, and currently, three out of the four are either missing or destroyed, only leaving one book left.

It's practically impossible to retrieve a book/scroll from a book carrier, without their consent since it's sealed away in their soul. And if the book carrier were to die, then it was guaranteed you would never get the book you were looking for. 

Because book carriers hold important information central to the village, there are a lot of restrictions on what they can and can't do. Because of this, it makes the book carriers feel like a prisoner of leaf village government.

Since book carriers must be in constant contact with their book or else they become soulless husks, all book carriers have a special pocket where they put their book. 

Messenger Ink Jutsu

The book carrier job is also about recording information learned, creating textbooks for education, and informational scrolls to give out. This process is done by writing in their books and with the "messenger ink jutsu." All the user has to do is place the written in soul possessed book beside a regular blank book of their choosing. And doing the required hand signs, causes the words from the book to transfer into the ordinary blank book.

Clan traits

Emotionally

The Kikumoto is a logical group of people, as well as very calm and open-minded believing in understanding both sides before making a decision or judgement. But while they're accepting individuals, they're also rather apathetic. This apathy comes from knowing precisely when they're powerless, and if they're powerless, then they won't even try to change it.

They were known for great wisdom and the tendency to be ignored often since they're always too ahead of their time, no one believes them until it's too late. 

Most members of the clan possessed unrivalled skills in spelling, grammar, and memorization skills with some of the best handwriting in the hidden leaf.

Kikumotos (especially book carriers) are very strong-minded and question everything.

Manners and etiquette are a big thing to the Kikumoto, they make a point to be respectful, though this doesn't apply to gender norms or social hierarchies. No matter your age, they will treat you how you act emotionally. 

All genders are valued the same, their clan is so logic-based, they don't care what their kids do as long as it's legal. So boys can become homemakers just as girls can get jobs outside of the house or vice versa. 

The Kikumoto clan is known to be remarkably unfazed by anything, which is especially true for book-carriers.

The Kikumoto are very closed off people, keeping to their own circles and rarely befriending people outside of their family. 

Physical traits

Members of the Kikumoto clan possess straight neat black hair and matching black eyes, with pasty skin. 

Women book carriers in the clan tend to tie up their hair or keep it short, so hair doesn't fall in their face as they read, however, there were a few long-haired female book carriers.

Members of the Kikumoto all wear white clothing with black shoes and or black pants, skirts, or leggings. White symbolizes the clarity that understanding can bring and black symbolizes the maturity in gaining knowledge. 

Non-book carrier members of the Kikumoto, wear their clan insignia on their dominant arm, while book-carrier members have the clan insignia sealed onto their dominant hand. (If they're ambidextrous then whatever hand they chose).

Having an ambidextrous child is considered fantastic luck, and most members wish for this when they have children. Ironically only two members in the entire clan's history were ambidextrous by birth. 

There are four book carriers for the four books, and one of those book carriers is elected by the members of the clan to be the next leader. 

Members of the Kikumoto clan tend to be short and wiry since they spend all their time reading and studying instead of getting exercise or sleeping regularly. 

It is also very common for Kikumotos (especially males) to be born near-sighted, and or become nearsighted from all the reading. 

Notable Clan members

First-generation 

Akira Kikumoto (菊本 明)

Akira is the creator of the Kikumoto clan as well as the creator of book carriers. While he was a gentle and thoughtful soul, he was also very concerned with the well being of the newly constructed leaf village. A village he was to call home but a home he felt with all of the ninja clans left to mingle, would lead to informational problems. So to create a service of equal information as security, he created the soul book transfer jutsu, along with four books each linking to the same pocket world. A pocket world that would later become its own magnificent library of secrets. After establishing and giving each book to a trusted member of his family. The book of education to himself, the book of economics to his older sister. The book of literature to his little brother, and the book of politics to his wife. 

He then struck a deal with the current Hokage, Hashirama Senju, a deal that detailed the protection of his clan and in return, his clan would look after and seal any knowledge the village had within their souls. The first wave of book carriers was actually really successful, the Leaf at the time was too young of a village to have any detrimental scandals. And since the system was new, there was a lot more freedom given to them that future generations would never have.

Another notable fact about him was that he believed that since the Hokage was the village leader, anything they say must be preserved for history sake. However, since Harshima was a goofy guy, this translated into some rather comical transcripts that survive till this day. 

Hiraku Kikumoto (菊本 拓)

Hiraku was Akira's little brother and the very first holder of the book of literature, he was also the one to create the "The Kikumoto public library." Which at it's time carried the biggest selection of books the land of fire had to offer if a book wasn't there then it wasn't anywhere. Apart from the reason why was because Hiraku was determined to deliver free knowledge to the rest of the world. He spent his life collecting books and begging the land of fire's Daimyo to agree to give the Kikumoto permission to take any book they want free of charge, so they could put that book in the library. The Daimyo, however, wasn't having it since the claim was ridiculous, but over time, Hiraku wore them down, and they came to a compromise. The Kikumoto clan's book carriers were allowed to take ten books a month from any book store in the land of fire free of charge, any more books, and they had to pay for them. 

He was also one of the two only book carriers to be ambidextrous.

Second Generation

Tadashi Kikumoto (菊本 正)

Tadashi was the son of Akira Kikumoto and inheritor of his mother's book, making him the political book carrier during the time of the 2nd Hokage: Tobirama Senju. Now Tobirama Senju was a very controlling Hokage, and this was especially true for dealing with the Kikumoto. Tobirama made strict laws against Kikumoto book carriers, from having constant surveillance to not being able to even leave the village. The Kikumoto despised Lord Second; however, no one despised him just as much as Tadashi. 

Now Tadashi was a bitter man, not only was he treated like a living bookcase, but anytime he tried putting input, he was formally shut down. Apart from this was also Tadashi's way of giving information, he was a very blunt person. He tended to disagree with Tobirama a lot and said everything he opposed him to his face. Tobirama couldn't exactly kill him since Tadashi was the holder of the village's knowledge, so Tobirama simply forbade him from speaking. 

 Tobirama's snubbing of Tadashi is actually the reason why his forbidden jutsus kept getting stolen. Because Tobirama couldn't trust Tadashi enough to not try and undermine him so, the jutsus were simply labelled forbidden and stored away. But while it's virtually impossible to steal scrolls sealed inside a Kikumoto book carrier, it's possible to steal a scroll that's put into storage somewhere. 

Tadashi filled with spite felt nothing short of powerless. So to cope with this, every day he wrote a journal entry detailing what Tobirama did that day and then used all the logic he had to prove why it was a terrible choice. He ended up living his life out of pure spite and a drive to write another page on Tobirama, it really kept him going. However, while this did keep him going, it wasn't enough, and he ended up dead by his own hand. His only wish was to have Tobirama attend his funeral so that Tobirama would be forced to listen to the entirety of Tadashi's journal entries.

Tobirama stayed at the funeral until they were two entries into reading the journal. He then ordered the book burned along with Tadashi's body. However, the book burned wasn't the real book but an edited copy someone made. The real book is stored within the pocket world of the Kikumoto book carriers, out of fear that if Tobirama read the original version, he would outright demand the Kikumoto clan be eliminated. 

Tadashi's only child was estranged from the clan, so his book was given to his twin sister's first daughter, Yua Kikumoto. (菊本 結愛).

Sadashi Kikumoto (菊本 貞士)

Sadashi Kikumoto was the twin sister of Tadashi and inheritor of her aunt's book. Making her an economic book carrier, at the time of Tobirama Senju's term of Hokage, and while her twin brother Tadashi notably hated Tobirama, she was able to be on cordial terms with the Hokage. And being the level headed person she was, used this to make a difference to make herself look better. However, those cordial terms were dashed after she read Tadashi's journal to Tobirama, but I digress. 

She was most known for her idea of an orphan policy which she tricked Tobirama into thinking it was his idea, and so he would accept and pass the law. The idea is that if you were an orphan under the age of 18 with no parent or guardian, then you could be eligible for free admission to a ninja academy if you were accepted. This idea was popular with some since with the Leaf village existing at a time of war, left many kids parentless, and the ability to give those children education was appealing to most. However, this policy came at a cost, the cost of which meant taxes were significantly higher to pay for free education. 

To this day it is up for debate whether or not Sadashi did the right thing, because it did solve a huge problem, but it also caused a significant rise in taxes that's never been lowered since.

Junko Kikumoto (菊本 順子)

Junko Kikumoto was the daughter of Akira's little brother and inheritor of Akira's book, making her an educational book carrier. She was what you could call a "history cleaner," anytime something happened that the Leaf would want to be forgotten, or a piece of history that the Leaf doesn't wish to teach in schools. Then it was her job to clean it up by whitewashing information to create new textbooks. Despite a sharp mind, she was also a very obedient and honourable person, such traits made it easy for her to be convinced she was doing something for the village's safety. However, she could never get rid of the immense guilt felt by erasing the truth. 

For every truth she erased, she wrote a textbook containing that truth to give to her future child, that never came. 

Junko due to guilt had constant stress, stress that made it hard for her to find love. So it was a relief when she found a student to mentor, his name was Takumi Saito (斉藤 匠) an exceptional young boy who will be talked in depth later. Perhaps it was selfish to use teaching Takumi as a will to live, instead of finding inner peace. But before Takumi, she felt horrible every day of her life and if you were to ask her about her most significant accomplishment, she would say becoming a mentor. Because she was finally able to teach someone what really happened, to question the world around them, was something she could never do in her line of work, and she was happy to at least contribute in one way or another. 

Shortly after Takumi surpassed Junko and was on his way to becoming a suitable book carrier, she died, peacefully in her sleep.

Third generation

Hibiki Kikumoto (菊本 響) Isamu (勇)

Hibiki Kikumoto was the estranged son of Tadashi Kikumoto, as said before Tadashi was a bitter man and the acorn doesn't fall too far from the same tree. But the ideas and parenting that were able to shape Tadashi into a calm and sane individual weren't present in Hibiki's life, causing him to be full of bitterness and resentment. A part of this resentment was caused by the metal conditioning Tadashi went through, causing Tadashi to become emotionally distant to his son. Hibiki, a supposed inheritor of his father's book, went through similar treatment, only his was milder since he wasn't a book carrier yet. Combined with Tadashi extreme bitter honesty on how their village worked, Hibiki grew up to be a sullenly spiteful young man who viewed power as a way to protect himself. 

He indeed had the drive to become a splendid ninja and had enough chakra and intelligence to gain the strength he wanted. Only gaining strength was the problem, because he was a Kikumoto he already had a strong amount of knowledge. But to have power as well as something that seemed like a potential problem to the leaf government. So it was a matter of time before Hibiki was ordered to leave his clan and in turn, join the Anbu black ops by Danzo. 

Hiruzen Sarutobi, wanting to try his best to be less strict than Lord Second wasn't exactly sure how to deal with a troublesome Kikumoto. So it was especially easy for Danzo to convince him that Hibiki would fare better with the Anbu. 

Danzo's argument was that due to the darkness that gripped Hibiki's heart with a little more conditioning, he would be perfect for the Anbu. 

Hibiki was a kenjutsu specialist whose main attack pattern involved a mix of duel iron swords and martial arts, and because of his cleverness, he was perfect for assassinations. He may have not been the strongest ninja in the world but combined with his stealth, attention to detail, and overall cleverness, he was a force to fear. He took pride in the lives he took, he used it as a way to gain what little control he did have. He's practically a shadow with how unknown he is since, for in a lot of ways he isn't all that remarkable or special. He's just another soulless Anbu ninja when it comes down to it, a tool to use and throw away.

He took the name Isamu (勇) a name that means bravery, the bravery he hoped to gain after hearing the news of his disownment and his drafting into the Anbu.

People aren't really sure if he's dead or not since on the day of his retirement from the Anbu, he simply disappeared, and since no one found his body, many assume he ran away, he's been in the bingo book ever since. 

Takumi Kikumoto (菊本 匠)

Takumi Kikumoto (菊本 匠) previously Takumi Saito (斉藤 匠); he inherited the book of education by Junko Kikumoto (菊本 順子). Which makes him the only Kikumoto book carrier to marry into the family and become a book carrier. Takumi was as stated before an exceptional young boy. At the same time, he wasn't the strongest (actually rather weak), he had the innate ability to be able to make anyone understand a piece of knowledge, no matter how difficult. It was even said he could explain jonin level educational material to academy students. 

Junko saw this talent and knew he'd be the perfect educational book carrier, so with permission from him, his family, the leaf village government, and the blessing of her clan. She arranged a marriage between Takumi Saito and Yua Kikumoto, so Takumi could become a part of the Kikumoto clan and become a book carrier. A Marriage that ended up being functional and healthy; it was actually the second marriage between book carriers since the time of Akira since for a long time, all book carriers were in some way related. 

Takumi was a very open-minded and a somewhat eccentric person, having many questions no one could answer. This eccentricity led him to think up his own answers that were well rather stupid and made him seem like a crazy conspiracy theorist. However, while his theories were outlandish, he was able to get his classmates to believe them out of sheer charisma and his talent of making anything sound real. He was energetic and eccentric, someone who always had another plan no matter how crazy, he believed in the scientific method and tested everything out no matter how small. 

This contrasted nicely with Junko, who was a rather straight-laced and cynical person. Every time he has a question, she would answer it with a question, he would have to answer until he leads himself to the correct answer to what he thought about. 

A method he used with his son, and for himself anytime he was in an intellectual pickle. 

Despite making books for the government, he hated social norms. While he did try his best to be respectful and gentlemanly when required, if he wasn't talking to Junko, he never used honorifics. Some days you could find him wearing a kimono, pink rain boots, and a pickle jar tied to his head, and he says "Do you like my new haircut?" Or walking a lobster on a leash.

Not a lot of people tease him though, he was so positive and very quick on his feet that even if they wanted to, there would be no reason, so most just ignored him.

He loved his son dearly and encouraged him to question the world just like him and pursue whatever he wanted, book carrier or not he truly wanted it to be his son's choice. In turn, his son took after him a little too much, and even if he was a mama's boy, he still greatly respected his dad. 

He handled the guilt better than his teacher since he wasn't really all that concerned in the knowledge of others, as long as the people he cared about were taught the truth. So in a way, he was happy to keep knowledge all to himself and share it only to his wife and son, it made them better he believed. Gave him more of a reason to put them on a pedestal.

Yua Kikumoto (菊本 結愛)

Yua was the first daughter of Sadashi Kikumoto, and inheritor of Tadashi's book, making her a political book carrier. She wasn't known for much since the one thing people in the village can remember her for is being a failed experiment. Yua was a gentle child, so much so, people doubted her ability as a book carrier believing her too fragile for such work. So with concerns and ideas, a new system was decided on for the training of political book carriers. Typically a book carrier would toughen up through rigorous conditioning and be resilient against mental attacks. However, with the short life span that most book carriers had, it was thought that if book carriers were to feel immense pain when they were young, it would help appreciate life more in the future.  

So in a process called memory swap, in which a book carrier would be placed under a genjutsu that relieves some of Anbu's members' worst memories. The idea was that all the training they go under is to prepare for potential threats but to experience memories, scenarios that really happened it would be the ultimate lesson. Yua was the first and last book carrier to undergo this training method because while it was effective in what it set out, it was too effective. Yua was too young even for Kikumoto standards to even begin to process the horrors she saw, so in turn, she couldn't. She became unable to speak that day, and for the rest of her life, it felt as if her mind was trapped in the horror of the memories she saw. When seeing the finished product there was a scared girl who couldn't even muster a greeting, they decided to scrap the training altogether. 

For a long time, she simply lived as the perfect bookcase, when information needed storage, she'd store the information. When people required information instead of merely explaining it, she'd just give them the book. Sitting on a chair and only getting up for bare necessities was how she felt her life was going to go, well until she was arranged to marry Takumi. 

Takumi was kind enough for Yua, so it wasn't like she opposed the marriage; she just didn't expect him to actually treat it like a marriage. In her opinion, if he were to just politely eat the food she made and leave for work, she was fine with that. She never left her chair anyway so, it wasn't like she was going to be the best wife either. But no Takumi was determined as he was eccentric and he practically made it his mission to be the best husband he could. He started out by sitting next to her and doing his work from home, writing, translating, and giving remarks every other hour. He did this for two months before he even asked a question, she'd nod or shake her head yes or no, and he'd ask the most random questions like "do you like oolong tea," or "can you do a handstand?" 

He tried teaching her to use sign language in hopes of giving her options to communicate. She was a fast learner, but her hands couldn't talk as fast as her mind, so it frustrated her quite a bit. Eventually, Takumi showed her spots outside he liked to study at, they were sweet and remote places that Yua found beautiful. Takumi loved to explain things to her, nothing important, just small everyday bits of knowledge, like how to start a compost bin or how to recycle.

He would also explain his own ideas, and Yua always made sure to take notes and give a smile whenever she particularly likes something he said. Yua loved note-taking when she was younger, it had been a long time before she had taken notes or even so much as wrote something, but she was happy to pick up the skill again. After a while, she also started to write letters, they were far in between, but they were always heartfelt, and in the proper book, carrier fashion held some sage wisdom to it. Takumi always made it a point to respond to these letters with his own instead of telling her his response, because he felt letters should be returned to by other letters.

It wasn't long until Yua had a child, a darling young boy who was like his father, she always liked that. However, the boy had a terribly weak soul and medically speaking could never transfer his soul, to begin with, and call her cruel, but she liked that as well. She was a prisoner trapped as a book carrier and the fact her son would never be able to experience any of it, made her happy. She explained this to her son through letters, writing to never tell his father the things she'd written to him. 

Her son was twelve years old before Yua was pregnant again and with a girl, she worried deeply because she had the feeling that this child would become a book carrier, that this child wouldn't get the freedom her son has. However, she should have been more worried about the calamity that was to come, the day the nine tails Kurama attacked the hidden leaf village. 

This day was devastating for the Kikumoto compound, for it sat in the blast zone. It killed three out of the four-book carriers at the time, destroying two out of the three books forever. The third book carrier was Takumi, and in trying to get Yua and his children to safety, he ended up crushed by a wooden pillar. A wooden pillar meant to break Yua, but he was able to push her out in time, and with his last strength he told Yua to store his book away within her book and to write to everyone his book was destroyed as well. As the pages fell out of the book leaving the shell of the book of education in tow, he signed "I love you," to his family. 

Two months later, she finally gave birth to her second child dying shortly after, some say it was a broken heart. Some say she didn't have enough to live for and that her son wasn't enough of a drive. And some don't care either way, but in the end, no one knows, she simply never told anyone.

Fourth Generation

Shusuke Kikumoto (菊本 修介)

(Just a note but I'm keeping this bio to only his accomplishments, but in the future, I'll be making him a full-on character bio.)

Shusuke is the son of Takumi and Yua Kikumoto, he is the second non-book carrier born to book carrier parents. Though technically, their clan officially disbanded after Yua died since book carriers were the lifeblood of the clan. All that was left were some widows, and with Shusuke holding the only book left and unable to use it, they thought it best if the clan simply disbanded. 

Shusuke was also known for being the only Kikumoto to be born with a weak soul. He had such a weak soul in fact that if he were to even attempt to become a book carrier, he medically speaking would die. So with the path of book carrier out of reach, he became left out of any clan talk, and if he were to ask questions, the other members would talk down to him, deeming him "idiotic," and moving along; his parents were the only ones to believe in him. However, what he lacked in soul strength, intuition, and charisma, he made up in emotional intelligence. He was a great listener and picked up on even tiniest details in a person, it was even said he could look a person in the eyes and understand them on an emotional level.

His understanding, combined with his reflecting nature, made him understand one thing, that the world is filled with pain, and no one actually knows what to do about it. Shusuke knew some people share trauma and get along, and some people isolate themselves and relish in it, but he found both ways to be a slippery slope at best. This realization scared Shusuke because from what his mother wrote to him about the job of a book carrier, it meant that his sister would experience pain. Pain that the world couldn't seem to remedy and if the only way was through shared trauma, then how was he supposed to be a good older brother if he never had any trauma. 

So he did what his father would do, applying the scientific method and trying his best to gather data. He talked to war veterans, begged his mother for a book on interrogation tactics that the Anbu used, that she begrudgingly gave him. He studied books on how medical ninjas dealt with uneasy patients, and with all of this, he used it to find discrepancies and similarities with all the data he could get his hands on. He even tried begging the Uchiha clan to let him talk to prisoners, so he could see how their minds work, but the Uchiha always told him to go home and stop bothering them.

The data he sought was found, it was then he realized that the things people labelled "little problems." Were actually a lot more common and could be connected just as one could connect symptoms to an illness. This realization caused him to write an essay of mental illness as a concept showcasing and giving names to what was known before as nothing more than another troubled past. Not only did it showcase mental illness, but it has talked about the symptoms that could be commonly attributed and possible treatments for said symptoms. 

This research paper would continue to be his life's work and be a baseline for his sister's work as a therapist.

His work specialized in research and data development and creating thesis papers, thesis papers that centred the most around depression, PTSD, and anxiety. 

He lacked his father's social skills, and at first, few believed him and even called him delusional and or insane. Still, it never seems to get him down and to this day, while his experiences will never be as painful as others, he'll always try his best to sympathize for his sister. So she can help other people, he's more of a loner in comparison to his sister and keeps to himself.

Rin Kikumoto (菊本 凛)

(Rin will be the main character in the story I'm making about her, so her bio will be short here since she's not only getting a full bio but also a whole mini-series.)

Rin Kikumoto is the daughter of Takumi and Yua Kikumoto and the little sister to Shusuke Kikumoto, and inheritor of her mother's book which makes her a political book carrier. A position undecided, since while each book held its own purpose with three out of the four books destroyed, there has been talk of making Rin a carrier of all four books. However, others say that at best she could be both an educational and political book carrier but forcing someone to do all four is impossible. As of now, it is decided that Rin will remain a political book carrier and the leaf village has its own library, accountants, and textbook makers. Promptly eliminating the three other book carrier jobs, since the only job out of the four that only the Kikumoto could do was the political job. Since no one other than a book carrier could really be able to hold leaf village secrets as secretive as they do.

Her soul is immensely strong, in contrast to her older brother, so it's as if his soul strength all went to her.

She is known mostly for being the last book carrier, those who know of her clan pity her because they believe she's fated to die young. However, she makes it a point to try and live the longest she can, outright refusing to not only leave her brother alone but to be another prisoner of depression as the rest of the clan were. For she may be a prisoner of the leaf, but that doesn't mean she's a prisoner to her own mind.

She lacks the skill to immediately understand people like her brother, but she tries her best, and she did inherit her father's charisma making her a fantastic conversationalist. She's also the second member in the entire history of Kikumoto book carriers to be ambidextrous. So it's a silver lining.

She became a ninja, even knowing she'd remain forever a genin ninja because even if it's small, she wanted to do her best to help and understand the people around her.

She's trying her best to understand the people around her. Because her older brother helped her so much with his research that she wants the same for others. Something that her older brother isn't willing to do himself, preferring to stick to his thesis writing. Since Rin isn't as reclusive as her brother, combined with her social skills. She's set on doing what her brother won't do, become the first professional therapist. She just needs experience and practice. 

Clan Customs

Letters are a massive deal to the Kikumoto, and to throw away or misplace a letter is the equivalent to ending a relationship of any kind since it shows them that you no longer care about them.

It is customary to give flowers to dead loved ones, every week as well as telling the gravestone what the person did over the week.

While marrying outside of the clan is fine, if the person they seek to marry is part of another clan, it is simply forbidden. Since the Leaf village is afraid that members might try to marry Kikumotos for their information.

Carrying books aren't the only things Kikumoto can store, in fact as long as it doesn't damage other items within the pocket world, practically anything non-sentient can be stored. However, while they can store virtually anything, the Kikumoto will only carry luggage amongst other things for the people they care about. Since the objects are going into their souls, it feels intimate to them in a way, be it in a platonic way or a romantic one, it's a way to show trust in their clan.

[american-satanxx]

Animal in Me//Chapter 18

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MASTERPOST

And You're A Very Sexy Girl, Very Hard To Please

June 1985 “I feel like I don’t see you anymore!” Lena whines as she dramatically collapses on my bed. “Since that night, you’ve been distant.” “I’ve been actively avoiding Motley Crue, it’s no offense to you.” I bite my lower lip. “Mick, I know he doesn't have beef with me. He knows the articles I write are for work. Tommy is slowly starting to see my as the enemy. He doesn’t realize I’m writing these articles about Vince and the trial for work. He thinks it’s just a vendetta I have against Vince. I may have disliked him before the accident but Tommy thinks I blame Vince for Razzle’s death.” “But he is at fault, though.” Lena counters. “They were fucking plastered and had no business behind the fucking wheel. Your articles are for work. Tommy needs to grow up and realize that.” “You’re telling me.”I sigh. “I hate the idea for Tommy hating me forever. He’s like a little brother I never wanted.” “Have you been avoiding Sixx?” “That’s complicated.” A humorless chuckle escapes my lips. “He understands the articles and shit like that. He knows this is my job. I’m a journalist. My job is to report the truth, no matter how bad I make Vince look. It’s just…” “Sex is starting to suck?” “We can’t have sex without drugs involved.” I reply. “He constantly has to be fucked up on shit. And I think he’s expanding his drugs to some harder shit.” “Like?” “I started to find used needles in his bathroom.” I sighed. “Look, cocaine is one thing. Heroin is another.” “He could be shooting up coke.” Lena offers, trying to be helpful. “If it was just coke, he wouldn’t be hiding it.” I counter. “Plus it doesn’t smell like it. I’ve been around enough coke heads that shot up, I know the smell.” “Have you talked to him about it?” I scoff. “He response was and I quote ‘You’re not my fucking mother.’” I roll my eyes. “And that’s how I came to the conclusion that Nikki Sixx is starting to dabble in heroin. He never snapped at me like that. He would have called me a prude and laughed it off before pushing me up against the nearest wall and fucked my brains out.” “You know if you ever want to hang out, I’m sure Mick would have no problem leaving and allowing us to have a girls night.” Lena smiles. “Or he’ll stay. He misses you too.” “Mick is the least problematic member of Motley Crue, I swear.” I chuckle. “But I’ll keep that in mind. I miss you guys, it just sucks that I’m no longer welcomed by the 3 assholes of the apocalypse.” “Want to hang out tonight?” She suggests. “It looks like you can use a night in.” “Wish I could but I’ve got a show to get to at The Troubador.” I frown. “Remember me telling you about my friend Tracii?” “Guns?” She asks, earning a nod from me. “What about him?” “He founded a new band and he wants me to check them out, even if he’s not their lead guitarist anymore.” I reply. “They are playing tonight in West Hollywood. I know you don’t usually go out, but you’re right I could use a girls night. Can you come with me?” “Is that why you called me here?” She laughs. “I don’t have anything to wear.” “Raid my closet!” I squeal. “You’d have to anyway, you literally have no clothes perfect for a night out.” “Because I rather be home!” She whines as I pull her up off my bed and towards my closet. “You owe me Summers!” She exclaims as I push her into the walk-in closet. “Oh I know!” I laugh. “Make sure you look hot Lena!” I yell to her before disappearing into my bathroom to do my hair and makeup. ** “So what band are we seeing?” Lena asks as I push our way up to the stage, earning glares from several girls. I just smile sweetly at them before returning my attention to my shy friend, who is clearly uncomfortable about being here. “Guns N Roses.” I reply. “Tracii mentioned he formed this band with another upcoming band here on Sunset. He just didn’t tell me which band.” “Think he did that on purpose?” “This is Tracii so it is possible.” I chuckle just as the house lights dim and stage lights come on. One by one the band members come on and stage and my eyes instantly fall upon several of the members. I instantly recognize Izzy, Saul and sadly the redhead staring right back at me…”Axl…” I whisper causing Lena to snap her head at me. “Your ex?” “Remind me to kill Tracii after tonight…” ** “Look what the cat dragged in.” Izzy exclaims as he pulls me into a hug once I walk backstage alone since Lena bailed after the show ended. “Didn’t think I’d see this beautiful face again!” “Trust me, I didn’t think I’d see you again either gorgeous!” I chuckle as I part from one guitarist and pulled into the body of another one. “Hey Saul!” He cringes, “Slash in public please!” He whines but that quickly turns into a laugh. “How have you been? I heard you're a journalist now.” “I am.” I part from him. “I work for Rolling Stone and have been for a little over two years now.” “I read your article about Razzle’s death!” A blond man states. He’s their bass player I believe. “I’m Duff by the way.” “Aria!” I introduce myself with a smile. “That article was pretty hard to write. I was close friends with him and the boys of Hanoi Rocks. I lived with them for two weeks, covering their lives on tour.” “And you probably fucked every single one of them.” Axl spits at me, earning an eye roll from me. “Just because I’m a natural flirt doesn’t mean I screw everyone I meet, Rose.” I point out. “I’d hate for you to paint a bad picture of me in front of my two new friends.” I point to Duff and the other blond. “I have no idea your name by the way.” “It’s Steve gorgeous!” He smirks, causing me to laugh. “You really need to let our breakup go.” I tell Axl. “You left me, not the other way around. You let your fragile ego get in between us. You knew I was a flirt when you got together with me.” “Fine, you didn’t sleep with anyone from Hanoi Rocks.” He rolls his eyes. “Because why would you be, you were already in bed with Nikki fucking Sixx from Motley Crue.” “Jealous?” I smirk. “So you admit to sleeping with him during the article?” I roll my eyes at the question but I find myself walking over to him; getting right in his face. “Who I sleep with is none of your fucking concern William.” I stress his real name. “And Nikki and I didn’t hook up until after I left the tour. I am a professional after all.” “Come on, I don’t want tonight to be a repeat of the last time we saw you.” Saul states as he pulls me away from his lead singer. “Even though I'd love to see you punch him out again.” A laugh, a genuine laugh, escapes my lips for the first time in months. “I missed you, Hudson. Truly missed you.” “Let's not drift apart again then.” He shoots me a smirk. “You know the phone works both ways.” “I do now.” I assure him with a smile. “Come on, rockstar. I believe you owe me a drink…” “I believe you are right.” He chuckles. “Come on, let's get you a Jack and Coke shall we?” “You remember my drink of choice.” I gasp in mock disbelief. “I can’t believe that.” He just laughs before guiding me to the bar. I guess this night didn’t totally suck…

[venkaissad]

How can a lady with a gun in her pocket not be pretty? [SCENARIO | NAKAMOTO YUTA]

Inspired by a kdrama Mr. Sunshine

WARNINGS: Mentions of death and stimulants

SUMMARY: You had everything a young lady could wish for. Loving husband, smart son and a warm house. People were jealous of how perfect your life seemed to be, but they didn’t really know what you were up to lately. As they drank expensive coffee, cheated on their lovers and earned big money, you were risking your life for the country their abandoned.

You felt cold air slowly wrapping around your trembling limbs. The coat that was given to you, definitely wasn’t enough to keep anyone warm during the winter. The thin fabric didn’t really cling to your body, as it freely moved around with every gust of wind. It was problematic, as it made quite a bit of noise. Oh, how much you wanted to just go back and never do anything like that again. Just about an hour ago you were peacefully lying on a warm, soft mattress. Harsh hands of you husband slowly moved around your waist, careful to not produce too much movement. Johnny probably wanted to do many things with you that night, but your son was sleeping right in between of you two. His small arms were wrapped around your thigh, as he was way too small to cling onto most of other parts of your body. So Seo remembered to keep his distance, although he was clearly displeased with the current situation. He hummed along to the melody which was strongly engraved in his mind. It was your favorite song, the one you two heard when you met each other for the first time. In 1897, the year in which Korean people started believing in better tomorrow. Joseon no longer existed, but they still dreamed about true freedom which in their opinion was about to be given to them. You started going out more, enjoying life and not worrying about politics. Your father always reminded you to be careful though. He saw and experienced more, so he didn’t believe any of the propaganda you were presented with. On the other hand, your mother wanted you to just enjoy life without any worries. She probably also didn’t trust the government’s assurance that the great times were about to come. But her youth was ruined by the fear constantly taking over the minds of her family members. Thought of you ending up in the same situation as she did, was more heartbreaking than possibility of your death. So she let you do anything you wanted to. You went out to parties, killed your insides with tons of alcohol and cigarettes. Visiting various cafes and diners was also a part of your daily schedule. But the place which you enjoyed the most, was the local pub. You remember when you went there on a hot summer night with your girls. Your body was covered by an expensive French dress, which beautifully enhanced your curves. People constantly complimented you, not to even mention how many lustful gazes you received. But you already set your eyes on one person. A tall, handsome man with soft features. He was sitting in a corner of the room, surrounded by other dashing young fellas. You first caught his gaze when you turned around to buy drinks. His eyes were eating you up, slowly ripping your expensive dress apart. You didn’t let him dominate though. Your gaze was just as strong as his, making him develop a bright blush after a few seconds. Smile slowly crept up on your pretty face, as you got up and made your way towards him. The man immediately stood up as well and practically ran towards you. He slowly outstretched his hand in your direction, to the confusion of people around you. You were in a pub. People didn’t usually dance in places like that. But you did it. You placed your soft hand in his rough palm and let him lead you between the tables. You remember innocent kisses you shared that day, his giggles, and the way he introduced himself to you. 

’’My name is Youngho. But you can call me young, rich and not engaged…or Johnny.’’ 

It was a bit cringy and over the top, but it made your heart flutter. You didn’t come from a rich family, but you didn’t think about the struggles it could give you in the future. At that moment you only saw his eyes. His big, dark eyes sparkling underneath the dim light of an old chandelier. The place in which you met was mediocre, quite ugly in your opinion as well. But because of the memories which you made there, it became a true miracle for you two. After that night you continued to meet with Johnny. At first, you just kept trying to bump into each other in the pub. You clearly remember spending whole night in there, just to finally leave home after he didn’t come. The next day he was waiting there with a big bouquet of roses, ready to punish himself for not being the one who waited for such a long time. Later on, you started writing letters and going out on walks. After five months, morning coffee and evening tea became a tradition without which you couldn’t manage to go through your day. You were dating like that for two years, ignoring what was happening around you. The situation in your country was becoming worse with every day, but you only had eyes for each other. For that reason, you finally got engaged after pleading your families for almost seven months. You got pregnant right after the wedding, and later on gave birth to your beautiful son. That was the moment in which you started paying attention to the world. You stopped looking at life so carelessly, as now your son was going to deal with the aftermath of your decisions. The corruption and lack of independence in Korea finally got to you. The thought of your son suffering later on because of the incompetence of your government made you boil with rage. Unfortunately, your husband didn’t understand your way of thinking. He didn’t know anything. His life began and ended on his wife and son. Some of your friends told you that you picked a narrow-minded and selfish man. That you weren’t a really compatible couple, especially considering the difference in your wealth and education. Youngho was a typical son of a rich family. It was hard to introduce him to your less well off friends. He looked down on people with a worse background. Johnny always asked about their families, wealth and in which business they were in. He also studied abroad and didn’t really care about the country. Politics were a distant topic for him, as he never even bought the newspaper. He just worked, played around with your son and bothered you with useless stuff. With every year your situation was becoming worse. The fact that he let the Japanese humiliate him on a daily basis became normal. Caring was too bothersome, scary. So you took it upon yourself. You had to save your family’s honor. As a Korean woman, you couldn’t imagine just trembling in fear of the occupant. It was humiliating. Not doing anything to protect the legacy of the nation’s progenitors seemed just too shameful. Your son had the same mindset as your husband. Everything was great as long as the family had money and a comfortable place to live. They didn’t care about what was happening to your country. You could understand that your kid, as he was practically a baby, didn’t even think about his nation’s despair. Moreover, you were quite happy that he didn’t intend on doing anything dangerous. The one who frustrated you the most, was indeed Johnny. You asked him for help countless times, but the only thing he ever did was laugh at you. When you told him that you joined the insurgents, he pointed out that women like you should just take care of their kids. You understood that he was just worried, but his words still cut you like a knife. That’s why you started to hide your undercover missions from him. It was better this way. Today was no different. You slipped away from his warm embrace, moved your son up, so he won’t fall out of the bed, and slowly changed into your usual dark coat. It provided you with camouflage, which was much-needed considering the nature of your tasks. You were a killer, cold-blooded murderer who was in charge of getting rid of pro Japanese officials. This night, you were supposed to take out one of the most important men in Japan. You couldn’t help but to tremble, even though you were used to carrying out important missions. Your footsteps have gotten much lighter, as you were getting closer and closer to your target. You slowly climbed up the wall, careful not to slip, and lied down on the hard, cold surface. The target was visible through the open window. He was talking to his group of ’’friends’’, surrounded by men he paid big money to protect him. You knew very well who was in charge of guarding this scum. They were like a small mafia, as they worked much smoother than a random band of thugs. They trusted their boss more than themselves, which made them more deadly than any of your usual enemies. You were aware of that fact, but for some reason you let your guard down. Only when you heard a loud creak, you instantly realized that you are indeed in a too visible position. It was too late though. The soft skin of your neck was grazed by a cold metal of a blade. You instantly turned around, making the wound wider, but also getting an opportunity to see the man who was about to take your life. As soon as you saw his face, your eyes got almost three times bigger than the usually were.

 ’’Nakamoto Yuta.’’ you whispered. The shock was apparent in both of your faces, which meant that he also recognized you. He used to run errands for your father, who provided him with food and a clean place to stay at. At first, you didn’t really care about him, but later on you started pitying him. He was an orphan, little boy who lost his parents because of a conflict. You started sharing your sweets with him, which helped you with gaining his trust and sympathy. Nakamoto was your first true friend, one who didn’t care about the fact that your family wasn’t that great and influential. He was just happy that he had someone to talk to and give him food. He possessed that simplicity which you were so attracted to. You were surrounded by rich men who couldn’t see the world outside their fortune. Yuta was different. He played around in mud with you, stole bread from the kitchen and taught you how to hunt birds with stones. After your mother chased him out after he stole one of her ornaments, your world came crashing down. This Japanese boy was your only true source of happiness, and now he was gone. You thought that you won’t be able to move on, but with time you started to forget about the fact that he existed in your life. You met him only once after he left your house. He suddenly approached you after your wedding. Yuta mingled in with the crowd, which in the end allowed him to talk to you alone. He wrapped his arms around you, completely ignoring the fact that you just became someone’s wife. You didn’t return his gesture of affection, staring off into the space. Nakamoto asked you a lot of questions back then. He also mentioned that he got into a business, that he will make a lot of money and take you with him to a better place. You refused. You told him that you are satisfied with your current life and do not wish to ever see him again. Yuta didn’t respond to you back then, he just disappeared amongst the other guests after exiting the empty room into which he dragged you earlier. You thought about him later on. Your mind focused mostly on what kind of business he could’ve gotten into. He was a Japanese orphan, there weren’t many possibilities for him. But despite that, you believed that he still was the same good kid you knew from your childhood. You never expected to meet him under such circumstances. His cold, dark eyes scanned your face as if he was hoping that you would turn into another person. That was your chance. You immediately took out your trustworthy handgun and pointed it at his head. Yuta chuckled as he realized his mistake. He let his feelings take over him for a moment. 

’’Damn, I always thought you were rather mediocre. But now, how can a lady with a gun in her pocket not be pretty?’’ he chuckled biting his lower lip. His sword was still at your throat, while your gun was pointed straight at him. Your cold eyes pierced right through him, while his warm gaze slowly grazed over your determined being. You both knew that you were the scared one, as you couldn’t stop trembling. Not to say anything about how suddenly you lost your ability to speak. 

’’I don’t think your husband is that good if he lets you do stuff like that, you know? I would die before I’d do anything to risk losing you.’’ he said as he slowly lowered his sword and knelt before you. You couldn’t even move, you felt as if your gun followed him on its own. His gaze was filled with pure love and admiration, as he slowly got closer to you. Yuta’s temple collided with your weapon and a wide smile appeared on his handsome face. 

’’Do it Y/n. Shoot me and go back to your life with which you are so satisfied.’’ his words made you unable to even swallow your spit. You missed him. His cute smile, charming attitude and weird sense of humor. You would probably throw yourself at him, if only you were dumb enough to not understand his intentions. Yuta made it seem like he was ready to sacrifice his life for you to go on, but that was not the case. If you shoot him now, the politician you were supposed to kill will be alarmed and run away. This way his comrades would be safe and get their pay, and you would probably end up dead or exposed. Your whole body became as cold as a stone. If you don’t shoot him, you will have to give up and go back home while bearing the shame of failing your mission. You also would be responsible for letting go a member of the mafia who already saw your face. It was a threat to the whole rebellion. You could either both live or both die, there was no other solution. And no matter what you will choose, Yuta still will be the one who will benefit from the situation. You slowly lowered your gun, watching as his expression became softer. His eyes focused on your face, as you dropped the weapon and put your left hand up to his cheek. 

’’I would never be able to do it.’’ your voice was sweet like honey. It slowly wrapped around his feelings for you, which still were very much alive even after such a long time. Your hand slowly caressed his pale cheek, as he looked at you with so much affection and trust. The corners of his eyes shined with tears.

 ’’I missed you so much Y/n. I worked so hard to make you proud because I knew in the end you will come back to me.’’ your right hand found its way to his waist. Your fingers toyed with the fabric of his clothes. Yuta’s breath was slowly getting faster. He completely lost the rest of his common sense as he focused only on your presence. You pressed your lips to his, feeling how soft and warm they are. Nakamoto almost instantly deepened the kiss and pressed you closer to himself. You pulled away after about a minute, breathless and definitely less composed. 

’’I love you.’’ he said as your hand finally found what it was looking for. You wrapped your fingers around the hard handle, as you pulled a small knife out of his pocket and stabbed the side of his neck without any hesitation. 

’’I love you too, Yuta.’’

[doshmanziari]

2019 Mega Drive Explorations [4]

A continuation of parts 1, 2, and 3. Click the link below to read the full post.

The NewZealand Story (1990)

This almost instantly became one of my favorite games for the Mega Drive. It was first an arcade release (1988), and got a ton of ports with, I assume, differences between each; Wikipedia notes that the version I played “had its levels based on the prototype version of the arcade game.” What that means, qualitatively, I’m not yet sure. This is some of the weirdest level design I’ve encountered in a platformer that’s not, like, a reactionary deconstructive work (in the way that the Japanese version of Super Mario Bros. 2 is). The only other somewhat contemporary title I can compare it to is Milon’s Secret Castle (1986). Each of The NewZealand Story’s stages is a sort of maze that’s completed when you reach a fellow kiwi and release them from a cage. What really lets the layouts grow as they do is that, once you get to the second zone (of four), you need to start making use of the various flotation devices which preexist here and there or are left behind by enemies you defeat. So the level design gets to, in a kind of freeform way, flip between “normally” accessible paths and platforms, and toothy stretches demanding aerial navigation. The flotation devices are distinct from one another, too, from how you adhere to it to the speed. What was especially fun about this to me is how, following a clear-out of enemies, you might have a selection of these devices to choose from, and there aren’t really comparative downsides between them (the closest you get to that are these things that look like, uh, torpedoes, which are slow, but they’re also the one device that can’t be popped by shooting at it or touching spikes).

Even if The NewZealand Story isn’t genre-/series-deconstructive, that doesn’t mean it can’t have whimsical moments. A standout for me is illustrated in the third screenshot, where a “room” you have to get to is surrounded by a barrier, and seemingly inaccessible, until you remember that if you are standing below platforms and walkways of a certain thinness and appearance you can jump through them. The solution is to get yourself up against that vertical band and jump through the bit where it briefly horizontally redirects. Cool!! The other thing I like a lot about the level design is that it’s not strictly economical, that some of the structural arrangements seem to exist to form visual patterns more than to control your route. So you have minor casual options for where and how to move through a space. Mercifully, amazingly, bosses are few -- only three -- and they have brevity: you can get rid of the final boss (see the screenshot above) within seconds by popping his balloon. I like looking at this game, too. A couple of stages reminded me of Falcom’s Xanadu and Faxanadu in their cute, flattish, compact representation of architecture or architectural elements within a screen’s worth of space and fortressed tiling. Once you’re past the first zone, loosely themed as a zoo, it’s impossible to tell if the zones’ apertures and voids admit further views or are all mosaics and/or props. It was an unexpected and engaging ambiguity: either interpretation has strange implications. Besides a couple of jumps over and under spikes which demand an inapt exactitude, this is pretty much a perfect game for me, and I wish it had gotten a handheld rerelease on the Nintendo GBA or DS.

Arcus Odyssey (1991)

As a Wolf Team-developed game, Arcus Odyssey sits snugly beside Earnest Evans and El Viento as a whirlwind of inexplicable plot points (rendered more inexplicable, and amusing, by an amateurish localization), lopsided pacing, and just a ton of baffling game design that doesn’t really care about you. Everything is exploding and the gravitas has no narrative grounding. It is at its best hilariously joyful and at its worst insensitively prohibitive. Environments, from a network of walkways suspended thousands of feet above the earth, to a colonnaded stepped complex that recalls John Martin’s infernal painting, Pandemonium, are set at an oblique angle and are swimming with sorcerers, skeletons, cockroaches, and other creatures who unendingly come at you from out of nowhere and half of the time spit projectiles. The palettes and narrow, minuscule tilesets give everything the veneer of a PC-98 title. Regardless of the character you choose (for me, it was the pink-haired Erin who wields a whip), the best strategy is to never stop mashing the attack button. This got iffy in one stage where a numerous type of flying creature left behind a crawling string of flames on the ground upon death. The best strategy for bosses? Use an invincibility-granting item you’ve hopefully snagged from a treasure chest, stand right next to the boss, and... yeah, mash that attack button. Which is fine! This is not a game where the mechanics could’ve yielded bosses who were interesting for reasons other than their appearance.

Arcus Odyssey has two serious, debilitating issues, though. The first is that you only have room in an inventory menu for six items (five, really; one of these items is permanent), and yet I have quite literally never seen another videogame with so many treasure chests relative to its stages’ sizes. You’ll mostly be passing stuff up then because you’re at capacity. Sure, you can consume the things you have to make room, but there are at least three items which have contextually valuable uses: the potion of invincibility, the lifebar-refilling lamp of life, and the resurrecting doll of life. Stocking up on one kind to the exclusion of everything else isn’t a sustainable plan. So the “economy,” as it were, is kinda fucked. The second debilitating, perhaps eventually paralyzing, issue is that Arcus Odyssey has the design of an early Japanese PC action-RPG like Ys or Rune Worth, where you are constantly harangued by waves of enemies who non-specifically occupy the level designs and bosses who may instantly unload multiple projectile-based attacks. That sort of design, somewhat haphazard as it was, could function (with degrees of success) in the context of the RPG part of the “action-RPG” equation, since you could reliably and incrementally level up (and save!). Arcus Odyssey doles out a few upgrades here and there, but it plays out like an action game that doesn’t understand the forms it’s borrowing. As such, it’s easy -- and become easier, the further along you are -- to get yourself into situations whose demands for superhuman, verging on omniscient, performance make no sense. Real shame.

Marvel Land (1991)

Like The NewZealand Story, Marvel Land is a Mega Drive port of an arcade game released a couple of years earlier. Also like the former, it quickly became a personal console-favorite. A few prickles keep me from fully loving it -- namely, the bizarre precision you need to have when jumping on enemies to not get hit yourself (and a hit here, as per usual with arcade games before the 90s, equals death), a few too many leaps of faith, and optional doorways which can send you back to previous levels, as far as the very first -- but the diversity of creatures, stages’ arrangements and themes, power-ups, and unconventional bosses have an individual and cumulative appeal that outweighs those problematics. I think I’m obligated here to say that I will almost automatically like any videogame that has a candy-themed environment, and Marvel Land has one of those, complete with waddling ice cream cones, gingerbread houses, and a maze built of cracker-cookies. The two main and most interesting power-ups are wings which temporarily give you a much higher jump and the ability to fly, and a string of self-duplicates which can be whipped around to hit enemies, collect items for score, and latch onto targets to swing from them. A later level surprised me when it both expected me to use the wings to progress and to be mindful about the height of my jumps so as to not skewer myself on spikes., denying the expectation that such a liberty would dissolve hard designs.

Bosses deserve a special mention because, god, by now I just hate bosses, they ruin so many of these games, and Marvel Land’s are designed as “minigames” -- a game of rock-paper-scissors, selecting an illustration in a grid that matches an example below, or Whac-a-mole (against a mole). It’s decent, clever, and properly playful. Despite this, the game is still compelled to have a “real” boss fight at the very end (were the developers anxious?), and I could’ve done without that; but, it was straightforward enough. The aforementioned bestiary, if you want to call it that, is wonderful and funny and can hold its own against any of the Kirby games’ rosters. You can see, for example, in the last screenshot that a feisty mallard duck who beckons at you with an index feather-finger is named COMEON. Other members include HEAVY, a chubby pink snake, and GIANTBURGER, a sentient burger. As a closing comment, I’ll say that it’s striking and odd how many videogames, from Japan, no less, were about restoring the rule of a Eurocentric fairytale monarchy. Hell, that’s what two of Nintendo’s most popular extant series are about (Super Mario Bros. and The Legend of Zelda). Why is this an international go-to for a premise? And how could anyone care about it? In some cases I think it’s fair to guess that the creator(s) did not care and simply went with a cultural trope that was within grabbing range; but the question remains of why those tropes are within grabbing range. We already know why these narratives are also fiercely heteronormative (even The NewZealand Story has to make the last kiwi you rescue be a girl -- wow, thank god!), but this prevalent medievalism that has an uncritical nostalgia for monarchy kinda mystifies me.

[curtisandlewis]

A Guide to The Playhouse

The Playhouse is a fic of my own creation and my baby. It originated from my need to write about the parties that Jerry, Tony, and Janet revolved their lives around that occurred at the building in Jerry's backyard affectionately named The Playhouse. As I sat down to plot this epic story that spanned from 1948 to 1953 relationships developed complexity, conflict was practically handed to me, and I got the gift of writing scene after scene of Jerry with Tony. They're not my OTP but are my biggest obsession. However, I am completely changing the storyline.

I knew from the start the "The Playhouse" would not be a fairytale. The relationships are complex and can be unhealthy and abusive. Mental illness, trauma, sex addiction, abuse of drugs and alcohol all contribute to risky and abusive behaviors. BDSM is also at the core of the story both being practiced in safe and dangerous ways. I thought it would be sufficient just include warnings at the beginning of each chapter as I do for any of my fics that can be "problematic" but I now realize the twenty or so thousand words I have written are not just "problematic" but can be harmful especially to anyone like me. I have written this guide to explain why I wrote those words and hopefully reverse any damage they have done.  

To anyone that read what I wrote and got the impression that certain sexual acts were more taboo or wrong than others, I am truly sorry. That is a fucked up way to live. I wouldn’t wish anyone to have shame for who they are or what they want in a consensual sexual relationship. Think about the sex you enjoy, without shame or restriction. Read the sex scenes that entertain you the most. Write the kind of sex you want to see in the world and is the most fun for you to write. Choose to masturbate and explore your body in the ways you want. Or choose not to touch yourself. Have sex in any way you and your partner/partners desire and consent to. Or choose not to have sex at all. It is your decision to make. That is your right as a person who is in charge of their own body. Please learn from my mistakes. 

I just want to make it clear that the film adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey came out in February 9, 2015. I had no idea about the book until I saw the trailer for the movie. The first chapter of "The Playhouse" was published May 17, 2014, and I had been writing and planning several months before that. I have never read Fifty Shades of Grey and I only saw the first half hour (I couldn't make it to the sex scenes) of the movie in 2016. After I saw Christian Grey say the infamous line, "I don't make love. I fuck. Hard." I worried that Tony was similar to Christian Grey and that his relationship with Jerry was similar to the one in the movie. However, I NEVER presented their sexual relationship as a love story to be watched on Valentine's day. It may be that the two stories have nothing in common but I obsessively worried that they were and that I wrote something deeply problematic.

In March of 2015, I wrote a spin off of "The Playhouse" about the first time Tony humps Jerry (their fave activity). After I wrote it I felt like I had done something wrong. Not too long after something bad happened to a member of my family. I believed by writing the words in that story I had caused the bad thing because I was being punished. I now know I have OCD and this is how OCD works against you. It makes you believe you caused something when there is no logical way you could have caused it to happen. This is why "The Playhouse" has not been updated in over two years. I can look back now and realize the reason why I felt like I had done something wrong is that the characters were acting in a way that was wrong to who they were. I had projected my anxiety and shame onto them.

From here on out there will be liberal use of sex terms and discussion of sex  

What you need to know: I have anxiety writing anal sexual stimulation or anal sex due to many toxic beliefs and stigmas I internalized over the years. To avoid writing these scenes I made Dean's character believe due to his internalized homophobia that it was wrong for a man to penetrate another man or be penetrated by any gender even if in masturbation. Since the age of sixteen, Jerry has had curiosity about being penetrated. Tony has wanted to top Jerry since Jerry's sixteenth birthday (the fic that sparked my OCD) that is six years starting from chapter one of the story. To again, avoid having to write any penetrative scenes I had to write Dean being emotionally abusive and using shame and threats to control Jerry's sexual behavior. All of this because I as a writer did not realize I could just not fucking write anal sex scenes. I thought if I wrote a bunch of dry humping scenes you would think I was weird so instead, I wrote horribly abusive relationships...

Quick History lesson, since the medieval times it was believed evil for a man to be penetrated because he was in a passive role that was reserved for women. Men that were penetrated were put to death while women who had sex with women without penetration were encouraged to do so for their health. These toxic beliefs are deep within history and still exist in society.

Allow me to get a little bit personal. I’ve always had anxiety writing anal sex scenes. I’ve written it very rarely in the past ten years that I have been writing sex scenes. I wrote mostly oral sex because it was less "homosexual" than anal sex. (I had a lot of internalized crap I was dealing with). Even though it’s absolutely possible for two men to have a sexual relationship and never have anal sex, I thought it would be too weird for Dean and Jerry to be having sex for six years and never try it. Also as a writer, I enjoy writing them being physically intimate but not having sex. That word I see in fanfiction tags: frottage (such a weird word). You know the act of two men rubbing up against each other. It just offers so many more options than manual sex or oral sex ever could. THE FACT YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF. How convenient is that? But I never saw it as the main option for sexual gratification. It was always presented as either foreplay or the only option because the characters couldn’t have sex. What made me feel weirder is that I enjoyed writing “humping” scenes (also a strange word) This is “frottage” but front to back instead of front to front. All of the advantages of anal sex without any of the problems. It required no prep. Whoever is on top can do it as hard and fast as they want and not hurt their partner. Likewise, to show intimacy it can be done in a gentle and romantic way, maybe even being left for special occasions like anniversaries. It’s also very easy for Tony and Jerry to take turns being top and Jerry doesn’t always have to be in the passive submissive role. Speaking of submissive it’s also easy to incorporate BDSM without it becoming too intense. Have you read those stories where the guy bleeds? You know what I mean. I didn’t want Jerry to bleed. And if he did I didn’t want it to be sexy. I wanted it to show that his sex addiction was getting out of hand or their BDSM relationship was becoming reckless. They can do it again, and again, and again. It wouldn’t put nearly the amount of strain on Jerry’s body that intercourse would. And of course, if you read “The Playhouse” you know that I use it an awful lot in group sex situations and to show just how fucking possessive Dean can be. As you can see there were a lot of positives to writing scenes in this way but that didn’t stop me from feeling weird about it. I probably read only one scene like that in my life. Before that, I saw it only a few times in movies and it made me go hmmm. I felt it was something that wasn’t really talked about or done. It wasn’t presented as an alternative to sex or even an option. I thought if I were to write the scenes I wanted to, people who read them would say, “Why don’t they just fuck already? What the fuck am I reading? This is so weird.”

I projected all of my toxicity onto Jerry. It started out simple enough I heard a lot of jokes as a kid that went, you must have known your husband was “gay” because he liked your finger up his ass. Because all women that enjoy receiving oral sex are “lesbian” right? (I hope you saw the sarcasm in that) Then I noticed there weren’t a lot of heterosexual married couples in movies having non vaginal intercourse. Sometimes you could see the couple in the “doggystyle” position but the wife was still being penetrated in her vagina. When I saw the other form of intercourse it was gay men or people not in love. I think that had a lasting effect on me. But what was worse is that I watched a movie with a BDSM theme. The woman worked as a dominatrix (hated her job btw) and her male partner confessed to her that he liked to be penetrated and dominated. Her reaction was so verbally abusive it was disgusting. Instead of thinking you are a horribly abusive person and he needs to leave you I internalized it as oh I guess it’s really not okay for men to want that. I have struggled with internalized homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia. I have dealt with it all. I just didn’t have the tools back then to see things as they are. An abusive woman who had a very illogical view of the world and a media that didn’t have the imagination or the knowledge of what sexual relationships could be.

These are the general reasons why I wrote: "The Playhouse" with such problematic themes and why I have decided to no longer continue those themes.

The lesson I learned from this was to not project my toxic shit onto my characters and make them act in ways that are not authentic to who they are. I give myself the permission to write what makes me happy and fulfilled.

DEAN: What you need to know: Dean has internalized homophobia due to childhood trauma. He was taught if a man is penetrated by a person of any gender they will instantly become homosexual and not a man.

As a young boy Dean was told by his mother don't be a f...well, I'm sure you can guess what she said. All his life he was reprimanded (sometimes with hitting) for behavior that was too "homosexual" Behaviors like, crying, telling someone he loved them and showing emotion. As he got older his so called friends just made his internalized homophobia worse. He was terrified that he wasn't masculine enough and that he had to be a man like they said or else be nothing. Along the way Dean was taught the rules, he lives his life by:

A man never says "I love you" even to his own family

A man never ever says "I love you" to another man

A man never lets anyone see him cry or be emotional

A man must keep people at a distance

A man has sex with women and has sex often

A man has a wife and children and whatever he can get on the side

A man can do "guy stuff" with other guys as a form of bonding or just a quick way to get off.

A man does not suck cock

A man can get his cock sucked by another man and be secure in his manhood because he is in the active "manly" role

A man must never ever under any circumstance be penetrated by anyone even himself. A man must not fantasize or actively desire to be penetrated otherwise he is a homosexual and will no longer be a man. He will be nothing.

That is the reasoning for Dean's problematic and abusive behavior towards Jerry. He tries to control Jerry's sexual behavior and desires because if Jerry were to be homosexual Dean would have to end their sexual relationship (He could never think of ending their friendship). 

The truth is that in real life during the time Dean was growing up this was NOT the belief. It was believed a man could have anal sex with another man as long as he was the one doing the penetrating. This meant he was in the active "male" role. It was actually preferred to penetrate a feminine homosexual man because they were believed to not be men and to be a third gender. Jerry is bisexual, not homosexual but close enough to be a PERFECT candidate. The only worry Dean would have is hurting his pally that first time. They could happily fuck for the whole ten years of their partnership and Dean would think of himself as nothing but the picture of masculine heterosexuality.

and of course

YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY HAVE ANY KIND OF SEX YOU WANT AND MOST CERTAINLY MASTURBATE IN THE WAY MOST PLEASURABLE TO YOU WITHOUT AFFECTING YOUR SEXUALITY JUST AS LONG AS YOU DON’T CAUSE HARM TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS.

What you need to know: Dean is emotionally and at times verbally abusive to Jerry and arguably to his wife Betty as well.

[smokeybrand]

Here Comes A New Challenger

Apparently PlayStation is launching a production company in partnership with HBOMax. I had no idea this was a thing. I heard whispers of an Uncharted film starring Tom Holland and a The Last of Us series in production but i had no idea they were all under one production umbrella. This sh*t feels like the power move executed by Marvel when they decided to create Marvel Studios. I’m on record as to be an egregious PlayStation shill, mostly because of the quality they put into there games, but in this age of micro-transactions and multiplayer nonsense, PlayStation feels like the only company that values narrative and you know how much i love good storytelling, man. I have concerns, mostly wondering if PlayStation productions is going to be independent of Sony Pictures because Sony can’t make a quality movie to save it’s life and id hate for that stigma to poison the well before PlayStation Productions gets and opportunity to drink, you know? That said, there are a ton of dope properties in the PS library to pull from. Some have already been announced; the aforementioned Last of Us and Uncharted but a few more have with the rumor trades.

Sly Cooper is rumored to be in production as a television show. I like this look. I’ve never been a huge fan of the Sly franchise but I've always respected the games, themselves. The amount of passion and legit storytelling therein was pretty commendable. Another franchise looking to get the big TV production push is Ratchet and Clank. This one is a no-brainer. The merchandising, alone, makes this a top option. It’s kind of weird though, because out of all of these early PS3 property, Jak and Daxter is not among them. You’d think that franchise would get an enthusiastic nod because, not because it’s got a unique look, but the story was pretty legit, too. Of these three, i actually beat all three mainline Jak games. Those were dope and it’s kind of ridiculous to me that no one is trying to develop that sh*t as a production. Also ridiculous to is the fact that Twisted Metal got a nod. Twisted f*cking Metal. Why? How? You pass on Jak but green light Sweet Tooth? Really? That’s a little concerning, however, the one franchise said to be n the works for film that i think has a shot at being something truly great is Horizon: Zero Dawn.

I love this game. Love it. When i first saw the trailer way back in 2015, i knew i needed it. I knew it was going to play like a champ. I knew the story was going to be, at the very least, serviceable. I mean, how can it not be a real experience? You got a scrappy, redhead, heroine, taking down robot dinosaurs with f*cking arrows and then gutting them for tech to increase your own abilities? F*cking sign me up, man! If you know me, then you know i love dinosaurs and robots. This sh*t was both. I mean, it’s tailor-made for me, specifically. If this sh*t was set in a cyberpunk dystopia, I'd f*cking marry it because I'd love it so much. Plus, i mean, another bad ass heroine to add the the echelon of bad ass game heroines? Aloy is an amazing protagonist and i instantly fell in love with her. That makes casting very tricky because she is such a fan favorite but there is a name being whispered to take up that charge and i think is a perfect fit; Rose Leslie.

Rose is best known for playing Ygritte on Game of Thrones. She was the red-headed, firecracker of a Wildling, that was basically Jon Snows first female everything. She was amazing in that show and easily became my second favorite character, after Arya. For the record, Arya, Ygritte, and Daenerys. Thems are my faves, that’s the rank, even if they’re all kind of problematic. That entire show is problematic so, you know, par for the course. After Leslie’s unceremonious exit in service to the development of Jon Snow, my girl got fridged, y’all, she ventured into other avenues. I happened to catch one of these endeavors, a low-budget horror flick called Honeymoon. It was awesome, a true underrated gem. I really enjoyed everything about this movie. I might do a proper review one day, maybe a revisit or something, but this movie showed me the emotional range Leslie has as an actor. I knew she had the physicality from Thrones but it was my viewing of Honeymoon which sold me on Leslie’s overall versatility. She’s need both to realistically embody Aloy, a challenge i think she is more than up to tackle. Plus, if things come together correctly and this thing gets a budget, it can legit compete with with the most ardent of franchises like Star Wars or Dune. If Leslie gets this role, she has a real opportunity to be a cultural icon like Ellen Ripley or Sarah Connor and that’s just dope.

I really like the idea of PlayStation Production and i look forward to what they actually create. If that company handles their IPs with the same passion and reverence they have for the gaming side of the business, PSP will be in good hands. imagine the wealth of stories that could be told. The aforementioned Jak is at the top of my wish list but the potential of Kojima making an adaption of Death Stranding in the same, surreal, vein of Twin Peaks. Maybe a stab at a CG animated version of Battle Arena Toshinden or a Heavenly Sword historical epic akin to Netflix's Marco Polo or Thrones, itself. Maybe a few Spyro or Crash Bandicoot shorts to round everything out. The PlayStation IP library is as deep and rich as the MCU There’s a lot of opportunity for quality storytelling there, as long as you get the right creatives behind the right projects. The potential of this production company is really profound and i look forward to what the create. It anyone can break that game movie curse, it’s definitely PlayStation Productions. With all of these resources behind them, this thing has a real chance to be a legitimate rival to Disney going forward. If they don’t f*ck it up and let Sony dictate terms. I am terrified Sony is going to f*ck all of this up, man.

[mattyunijourneybrief9]

Further Research

Relying too heavily on applications has resulted in an increase in ‘screen time’ which has meant less productivity in other physical tasks. In a study in 2019, Business Fibre found that the average screen time in the UK is 5.46 hours, which is almost as long as the full working day for an average worker.

https://businessfibre.co.uk/screen-time/

It is easy to form habits to rely on smartphones all of the time, when they are not necessary.

Here’s a quick story about my user experience with taxis:

Previously when I used to phone a company back home in Leeds to book a taxi, I used to genuinely dread phoning up. The response on the other side of the phone was rude, and I felt like I was ringing the call worker whilst they were on holiday or something. I just wanted to tell them that I was giving them custom! So surely that was a positive thing!

I have always been a shy person too, so ringing people is sometimes daunting for me anyway.

Along came Uber, which is a taxi app that uses geolocation to locate a driver and I as the user can book a taxi instantly, albeit the driver has to accept my request. 

The user experience is smooth and solves my problem of having a negative experience when booking a taxi. On the face of it, it is requesting for a car to pick me up, so it shouldn’t be a problematic experience.

On the other hand, the removal of the need to communicate with a human being could make my communication skills slightly worse over time.

Why do I want it to change?

Elderly people are not receiving the benefits of technology like the rest of us are. This quote from AgeUK is an important one and highlights the need for a service specifically for them:

“The internet and digital technology can be invaluable for staying in touch with family and friends, as well as helping with everyday tasks such as shopping, ordering prescriptions, and banking. But with around 3 million people aged 70 and older not online, we know lots of people are missing out on these benefits.”

As people age, their reactions become slower, so they find it hard to keep up with technology. 96% of elderly people do own a mobile phone, however under half of them actually own a smartphone, where the technological benefits multiply.

Here are some loneliness facts that I have found, highlighting the need for an app for the elderly:

https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/the-facts-on-loneliness/

The main ones I have found are:

Loneliness, living alone and poor social connections are as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. (Holt-Lunstad, 2010)

Loneliness is worse for you than obesity. (Holt-Lunstad, 2010)

Lonely people are more likely to suffer from dementia, heart disease and depression. (Valtorta et al, 2016) (James et al, 2011) (Cacioppo et al, 2006)

Loneliness is likely to increase your risk of death by 29% (Holt-Lunstad, 2015)

There are 1.2 million chronically lonely older people in the UK (Age UK 2016, No-one should have no one).

Half a million older people go at least five or six days a week without seeing or speaking to anyone at all (Age UK 2016, No-one should have no one).

Over half (51%) of all people aged 75 and over live alone (Office for National Statistics 2010. General Lifestyle Survey 2008).

Two fifths all older people (about 3.9 million) say the television is their main company (Age, U.K., 2014. Evidence Review: Loneliness in Later Life. London: Age UK).

Because of the capabilities smartphones possess, companies have taken advantage of that and made apps addictive on purpose, to keep their custom. Financial gain is what a business end goal is, so it makes sense for them. However, with UX Design, I feel that the user benefits have to be put first. But I suppose that is wishful thinking.

In this article (below), it talks about how social media companies are taking advantage:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-44640959

Features such as the ‘endless scroll’ which has been designed by Aza Raskin keeps the user scrolling, instantly making the app addicting, as the user is coming back for more and more. 

If a user has to change a page, it is a longer process so it does save time in a sense, however there needs to be a rethink. Maybe have a wall where the user can only go so far by setting limits, similar to screen time limits.

Here is another example of why I want the issue of smartphone accessibility with older generations to change: 

For Christmas last year, we gave my grandma a smartphone as a gift. Recently, I spoke to her over the phone and instructed her on how to download an app called ‘Houseparty’ from the app store. Due to her being unaware of how to use it, the task really was challenging. 

I knew the feeling of happiness and joy she would get once she accessed the app, so I kept at it and ensured the end goal of her downloading and accessing the app was met, so she can see the faces of her family. 

It was all worth it in the end! My grandma had benefitted from the technology available, and she loved the experience. She was pleased to know about my dissertation proposal topic, too.