#that was me giving robo kisses to roxy.

[splinter-city]

Roxy is my girlfriend. I am also gay. Do you understand. - halward

[rockkal]

HOMESTUCK BEYOND CANON NEXT UPD8(s) PREDICTIONS (I'm delusional, btw) /SHITPOST

We get to see Jack Noir be a pathetic little meow meow and has depression because he's too busy working at the mine coal to see his wife

The Felt come into the screen, also somehow snowman, and they all say "We voted for Obama" (this is very important homestuck lore, btw)

Brand new character called HEROIN ADDICT is introduced. Son of Karkat and Dave. Has a brother named John Egbert Strider Vantas

Clover flirts with Jane and gets sent to the weed dungeon. And not like the good weed. I mean like the weed that really feels like shit

Jake becomes new leader of the Felt and Crowbar becomes his dad (Crowbar dad AU, write that down, it'll be on the test)

We get to see Death, the character, talk with ULT Dirk and he brang along the Midnight Crew, Mom Lalonde B1 and Dad egbert because he thinks they're cool (also, Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert kiss a lot in death's office and have tea and buscuits with the Midnight Crew)

CALIBORN COMES FOR A SINGLE PANEL AND MAKES JUNE OFFICIALLY TRANS! BECAUSE HE HATES JUNE AND HE HATES WOMEN SO HE COMBINES THE TWO THINGS HE HATES INTO ONE (this is a joke, btw. I honestly want June's transitioning to be more in character then just the gremlin guy I like does it for me)

Ms Paint. becomes narrator of both Candy and Meat and it's just a podcast about different types of paint

Something related to The Midnight Crew's creator, Professor Mayasaka or however the fuck ya spell it, something translated into midnight. Whatever. I just wanna see the professor man come in and do something

JANE REVIVES AIMLESS RENEGADE SOMEHOW AND HE GOES GOD TIER! (His Classpect is Mage of Blood because I say so)

Sollux and Eridan kissing

B

Roxy breaks the fourth wall and says "it's Roxy Lalonding time" and Roxy Lalondes all over the place

A bucket appears and yeah

We see Andrew Hussie in a bath robe

Terezi manages to give back the legal rights to Beyond Canon back to their creators (sorry, I forgot your name, mister cool homestuck guy. I forget easily :'(]

Vriska dies. (I hate Vriska! (In a Kismesis way))

Equius comes back to say "I require horse" and then he gets prototyped with the universe frog

Matchsticks gets a personality and we learn he wants to become an actual fire fighter and save people since he was a kid

Stitch becomes hella cool by partnering with Kanaya to beat the shit out of Dirk

Rose just stays Rose because I forgot she existed

21 again but with Dave

June Egbert gets two new dads and they're Eggs and Biscuits from The Felt because it reminds her of her dead dad's cakes

Diamonds Droogs/Draconian Dignitary x Dad Crocker 20 hour oiled up make out session flash animation

Calliope has a child with Roxy. (comment what ya think they would be called)

Dirk eats a baby (it's John Egbert Strider Vantas)

AR gets to have a robo body and becomes friends with AR and Aradia and also Aranea is there to keep them in check and they call eachother the "AR squad", but Aranea is the out cast because she is blue

Eden Gardner (homestuck OC of @springselkie) gets a mention.

Monkeys become relevant to the plot

Jack Noir gets to show us his stabs

Bold Eagles are Aimless Renegade's second power, because he's the only AMERUCAN character in homestuck

Jake gets a beard and celebrates by showing us his level 100 GYAT

What Pumpkin office remains is an important location in the story

Mommy Condie comes back and marries Earth C's version of Colonel sassacres

Freddy Fazber, new character, literally the best. Hor hor hor hor.

Something related to drugs, I guess (I'm running out of ideas)

Fortnite becomes canon and everyone loves it

Deltarune reference

Jack Noir eats money and becomes lamborghini

Jack Noir villain arc where he and June kiss (their kismesis, it's ok. They want to kill eachother)

Rose's wifi is STILL shitty! COME ON, IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS, FIX YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION, GURL!

Kanaya gets to make something Lord English related

We see Doc Scratch because he's awesome

Wayward Vagabond comes back from the grave and does ANOTHER revolution against monerchy. He is truly the best diplomat.

MLP gets mentioned

Problem Sleuth shows up for 5 panels and then dies

Nepeta gets to kill Pickle Inspector

Eridan smokes weed

[S] Terezi: Do the mackarena

Weed chapter

Karkat gets a period cramp

Something something Lord English in black void, becomes normal Caliborn, being room mates with Equius, Gamzee and AR (auto-responder)

Free Bird fight sequence

Joe Biden gets a mention because he was probably in office before the clown fuckers took over D.C. Washington

Cockaine chapter

MSPA reader gets hella blazed and yeah

Caliborn kisses a rule 63 version of a Miku body pillow

Pic Yaoi sequence or smth

Sawbuck stays a fat fuck and eats the earth at the end

Itchy dies from tripping on a rock

Doze unslows himself and does a break dance

Trace and Fin make out session

Quarters gets to shoot ULT Dirk and is declared a war veteran

Bog from RHG shows up to eat a chocolate bar

I'm high

Ok, that was the end of this dumb shitpost. Hope ya got a kick out of it. Or not.

Wait

Shit

I should probably add an image so that I could look cool

Give me a sec

Yes, God of Yaoi.

Perfect for this.

See ya

[matt0044]

Steel discovers his inner shipper.

Let’s hope he stays far, FAR away from Tumblr.

Nate tests out the Beast X Spin Saber with Ben and Betty which... goes as well as you’d expect. I do like we’re getting Power Rangers exclusive weapons for the field rather than purely for the Megazords. I honestly would’ve loved to see the Cheetah X Blaster be used in a ground battle. One day soon. I just know it.

Our high-tech himbo figures out that Zoey and Nate “like like” each other when he offers to check out her Zord over his own. Needless to say, Grid Battleforce regulations still enforce that Rangers can’t date amongst themselves. Of course, that doesn’t stop him from planning to play matchmaker for the pairing.

Robo-Roxy meets with Evox out in broad daylight with a vial of Morph-X so he can morph into Mayor Daniels. I’m guessing that it was a hasty decision since he wouldn’t just meet out in the open light this, reminding me of a drug dealing. I’ve always liked it best when the big bad isn’t the “big bad” already but actively seeks the proper power. Odious had come close but lacked a solid long game.

Zoey steps in before Evox pretends Roxy was kidnapping the Mayor, leaving the girls to duke it out amongst each other. Mission 37 of Go Busters is adapted with Escape Evolve’s first battle being utilized where her blasters double as long-ranged chain weapons. It feels like something that could be hand waved as an upgrade from Scrozzle or her not holding back anymore. :P

Sadly, Evox’s quick save backfires on him as Mayor Daniels is giving two Ranger bodyguards along with a tracker. This prevents him from teleporting to the Crystal Dimension for more Morph-X or risk exposing their base. I already like how Evox is FaceTiming his minions but also how we see part of the main antagonist facing real challenges in his master plan of playing both sides here.

Steel volunteers Nate and Zoey to accompany Mayor Daniels on a meeting with a Canadian ambassador on the Morph-X Network. He even get Ben and Betty in on the matchmaking by creating clothing bombs that doll up anybody who gets hit, giving Nate a tux while Zoey’s fit for ballroom dancing. Steel even pulls of a tutu very fine but even that’s not enough to get his OTP getting physical. ;)

This doesn’t deter him as he spies on the two eating ramen while guarding Mayor Daniels. Ignoring the fact that Steel would stick out like a sore thumb, he tips over Nate’s bowl so he has to share with Zoey. It nearly leads to the classic Lady And The Tramp noodle kiss that, not gonna lie, got me in a tizzy. Sadly... Zoey’s bowl spills over them. What is it with Power Rangers and cockblocking?

Evox tries to rendezvous with the Robotars only for Nate and Zoey to get between them in the nick of time. I just love how the episodes builds up anticipation to if the big bad will be exposed or not throughout the story. With Nate and Zoey’s relationship being the episode’s A-plot, it just keeps us busy. It’s a lot better compared to Heckyl’s exposure occurring because... because...

Speaking of their relationship, Commander Shaw reveals that the two of them are indeed a thing and in violation of GB regulations. Steel sticks up for them by admitting he nudged them in the right direction but claims that the rule has caused more harm than good, Ravi even vouching on Roxy’s behalf. Needless to say, the commander takes Nate off Mayor guarding duty until further notice.

Ravi and Zoey guard Mayor Daniels while the Robotars scheme to create a diversion with a new Robotron. I absolutely loved it when Roxy walked up to a little girl and just took the toy tiara without any fuss, doing the villainous “fingers on lips” cliche to boot. The girl’s just like, “Well, guess my crown’s a robot now.”

Tiaratron is enough to make Ravi overheat and get the Beetle Brothers to step in while Devon deals with an incoming Gigadrone. One that comes close to kind of lame with how it’s just a Gamma model but with a tiara but the flying drones are a nice touch. We even get the Beast X King Zord’s motorcycle mode as the Racer Zord rides it ala the Delta Megazord on the Omega Max Cycle. Nice one.

The Beetle Brothers help Ravi smash Tiaratron into next week while Zoey tries to fend off the Robotars with the Spin Saber only to demorph. Nate intercepts their finisher and powers down as well. In a honestly badass scene, Zoey leaps through the laser fire to grab the Spin Saber and destroy the Robotars both at once. I thought Ninja Steel let Sarah shine unmorphed but this one came close.

Commander Shaw decides to revoke the rule on Rangers dating Rangers on account of how Zoey and Nate worked to protect each other. However, this happy moment is cut short when Mayor Daniels demorphs into Evox and exposed to Grid Battleforce. Thus we end this mid-season finale with Devon learning that his father is trapped in Evox’s clutches. You know? For kids? :D

[caracalliope]

Drone Season Letter

Dear Writer, 

... 

Hi! Thanks for writing for me! 

I love the ships I’m requesting, and anything about them will make me happy.

For general inspiration, here are some kinks/details/tropes I like in smut:

*Spanking, whipping, paddling, flogging, face slapping, caning… listen, if it’s someone getting hit, I’ll love it *Thighs *Overstimulation, especially of characters who are usually composed, powerful, cool, or in control *Characters humbling themselves deliberately *Power differences (god/worshiper, highblood/lowblood, Petstuck scenarios, historical AUs with class difference, boss/secretary) *Reversed power differences (different dynamics behind closed doors) *Joyous consensual D/s *Unhappy D/s being forced on characters in some way, like in a D/s AU - for example, someone being forced to punish someone else, etc. *Prisoners/slaves/servants being met with kindness *Kisses in unusual places (hands, shoes, neck, back of the knee) *Gangbangs (consensual or not) *Biting (vampiric or not) *Hair-pulling, horn-pulling, face-fucking *Moirails with pails, or best friends being forced to fuck *Kneeling *Public or semi-public sex (like in an arena, on an altar, on the stage, but also like bent over a desk in a library) *Gleeful masochism *Gleeful friendly sadism *Boot worship *Hurt/comfort - a character being tortured/raped/humiliated or simply just having a bad day, and the other character taking care of them 

My DNWs: 

*Character death (unless it ends with resurrection) *Discussion of different lifespans *Rape within the requested ships *Characters being drunk or high in the fic (sex pollen is fine) *Age differences added to the requested ships *A/B/O, pregnancy, animalistic urges/instincts to mate (sex pollen is still fine, just no heats please) 

Note: I like dubcon where characters' choices are influenced by a power difference or an external threat, but I still prefer them to have sex by their own choice, perhaps finding some autonomy within a bad situation.

Note2: Epilogues Roxy being a guy delighted me, and so did nonbinary Roxy. But I still love and 100% welcome cis girl Roxy (unless the fic is set specifically in the Meat epilogue). My personal headcanon is trans girl Roxy, and that portrayal would be amazing too. Really, anything you do with Roxy's gender is good with me.

Now - specific requests! I just pasted these from the requests I submitted.

Marsti/Marvus I came out of Friendsim shipping Marsti♦Marvus somehow. But any other quadrants would be welcome too, as long as they are very fond of each other. Some very optional prompts in case you're looking for ideas: - Marvus gets gangbanged by his fans (or by adults) and Marsti helps him clean up - Marvus is hiding a lowblood heritage, and Marsti is his secret ally, but he ends up needing to hurt her in front of some highbloods - One of them needs to de-stress after a hard day's work, and the other can provide a kinky distraction - Drone season is upon them and everyone wants to know who Marvus will pail with... but he only cares about one person. - Hemospectrumswap? Show me the cleanfreak clown and her lowblood rapper boyfriend.

Cirava/Eridan Cirava and Eridan works for me because they're both very stylish and I think that Eridan would test Cirava's resolve to no longer be sassy around highbloods. I'd prefer if they were about the same age, and if Eridan does NOT write fic about Cirava. Some extremely optional prompts: - Eridan sucks off his personal assistant - Cirava gets thrown into sexual servitude but it goes better than expected - Corsets! - It's awkward having a seadweller groupie but Cirava is getting used to it - Penpals who discover disquieting things about each other. Or maybe they just sext and there is a lot of tension and unspoken feelings? - Hemospectrumswap. A dashing one-eyed sea captain keeps their angsty goldblood lover on a leash (metaphorically?!??)

Rosebot/Kanaya or Rosebot/Rose or Rose/Rosebot/Kanaya Okay, so, I loved the Epilogues, and specifically I loved the Rose/Kanaya parts. I thought it was very romantic when Kanaya got furious and decided to get her wife back. But if you like, you can disregard how Rosebot came to be. I'll be perfectly happy with contextless robofucking if that's what you prefer! Just please give me Rosebot with Kanaya, with Rose, or with both. (Rose can be Meat Rose getting her body back, but it can also be any other Rose, including Alpha Rose or Jasprose.) Optional prompts are optional: - Rose♠Rosebot with extremely rough sex - Kanaya finds her wife, she and Rosebot fuck Rose's body awake (somnophilia! <3) - Kanaya finds a robot-version of her wife and discovers that robo-stamina can be fun - Kanaya gets spanked as a collaborative Rose-Rosebot effort (teamwork!! <3) - AU where Kanaya mail-orders a sexbot and it doesn't go as planned - steampunk AU where Kanaya serves a frightening clockwork god

Dave/Karkat/John/Terezi My OT4! Can you please have them have kinky sex? It doesn't have to be all the characters at once - it's cool to just focus on any pair, as long as it's happening within the greater context of them all dating each other. Or maybe they're not dating but thrown together by circumstance and then they make the best of it. In case you're looking for ideas, here are some ways it could happen: - The two friendleaders each choose a sub, and then prove that their sub is the best sub. - Messy makeouts on a big bed turn into more, and maybe some hair-pulling happens as well! - Petstuck AU where John and Dave go shopping - It's the troll revolution! Maybe John is a depressed/disaffected Crocker heir who gets tangled up with some subversive elements? Maybe Karkat is a messiah figure and he's got three unlikely apostles? - Arranged marriage AU with secret spouse swaps

Dirk/Dave/Karkat Okay so I love Dirk. I equally love: ** sweet, caring, dorky Homestuck Dirk, who tries too hard ** megalomaniacal, mindfucked, pushy Epilogues Dirk, who tries waaaaay too fucking hard and whichever Dirk you choose, I would love to see him getting wrecked, please. I just love the way he has this idea of himself as being super in control, and then it turns out he is very wrong about that and enjoys being proved wrong by Dave and Karkat, who love and understand each other. And maybe they're more confident than Dirk expects? Some expectations vs. reality clash would be nice. Possible scenarios, in case you like working with a prompt: - Homestuck Dirk goes out dancing for the first time, ends up getting spitroasted in the bathroom by his brother and brother-in-law - Karkat wants to practice being an assertive friendleader, and Dave volunteers Dirk for the job of subbing to Karkat - Epilogues Dirk wants to force Dave and Karkat to have sex, or cuddle, for important narrative reasons. He gets dommed into shutting the hell up - Mediaeval AU, two knights and a prince who doesn't know what the hell he wants - Epilogues Dirk asks for punishment - Homestuck Dirk just really wants to clean some shoes with his mouth

Roxy/John/Sollux OKAY so know how John thinks hackers are cool? I'd love to see him get some worship on with his hacker buddies. Messy filthy sex would be excellent in this ship, and any quadrants are welcome. (Please note that I also adore Sollux/Feferi, so please don't break them up or give them a darkfic angle. It's fine to just not mention them though.) Optional prompts are optional:<br /> - Someone invents a spanking machine; someone else is the test subject<br /> - (modified Candy option:) John's spouse just rescued a runaway troll and is hiding him from the cake drones<br /> - Trollstuck AU: drone season: the fuckening (I'd really love to see what troll John and Roxy would be like, and Sollux back in Alternian civilization is such a fascinating concept)<br /> - One of them is worried and needs a distraction and maybe a gag<br /> - High seas AU with a rogue and an heir getting kidnapped and interrogated by the Heiress's First Mate - John is the demon (or patron god) of hackers, and Roxy and Sollux summon him for help and/or forgiveness after their coding heresies - Cyberpunk anything, ideally with cool futuristic boots

[daddygraves]

Inktober Day 7. Confusion

Suuuuper late Day 7 submission!

WARNING: This fic contains mentions and explanations of intersex characters.

Also if you'd like to be tagged in all my future Inktober posts, just sing out! Hope you like this piece, it gave me so much trouble getting the tone and expression right! And I'm waaaaay over my intended word limit, this is close to 2.5K! Sorry!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The first warning sign that your partner is being unfaithful, according to The Truth About Cheating by M. Gary Neuman, is when the notion pops into your head in the first place.

There would have to be some happenstance to cause such a thought, to bring this niggling idea to fruition. Such an idea would not appear out of nothing. And this unfortunate truth is why Harry Hart cannot seem to shake this hankering suspicion.

Eggsy Unwin is the love of Harry Hart's life. The younger man is utterly perfect, a pretty face with a heart of gold, as well as one of the best Kingsman proposals in near a century. It hadn't taken very long for feelings that weren't very platonic to develop within Harry for his protégé, however outrageous and inappropriate those feelings had seemed.

The two men had their fair share of drama, to put it lightly. Harry had been lying comatose in the Infirmary for a good portion of their acquaintance, and then, not long after he awoke, after a horrible row with Eggsy, he'd been shot in the head by a megalomaniac with a lisp in the middle of redneck USA. That had put a damper on things, for a year. Particularly since Harry had woken up sans left eye in the headquarters of the American spy agency, Statesman, with a healthy dose of retrograde amnesia.

But Eggsy hadn't given up on him. He'd come back again, and again, until finally little Hamish the puppy had pulled the strings of Harry's memories back together again. There's a shitfest in Cambodia, a dead nostalgic psychopath and an antidote for the Dancing Disease. Then, the surprise return of a robo-legged quartermaster and much-missed Lancelot, a newly rebuilt HQ and a consensually annulled marriage (Tilde, Crown Princess of Sweden, was ever so grateful to Eggsy for helping her ailing father gracefully abdicate). 

Finally, agonisingly, there were no more barriers that stood in their way. So two backstage passes to Elton fucking John later, Eggsy Unwin ends up back at Harry's place. And this is not the sort of mentor-proposal sleepover that had occured last time. Martinis were still brewed, and a breakfast scene still occured, but there were far more confessions of love and a deal of heavy petting involved. The fact that Eggsy Unwin continued to come home with Harry every day and night since, and he was now fully moved in, was just a happy coincidence. No more wasting time- they were Kingsman, and in Harry's lover's words 'who fuckin' knows when one of us will get shot in the head proper this time'.

So with all of that to consider, Harry was firmly in the belief that they could survive anything the world threw at them. But then again, he'd never expected any dilemma like this to occur. Not even in his most haunting, wildest nightmares.

Eggsy was always so attentive, and never once failed to shower Harry with affection and reassurance. A casual hand looped with his at work, stroking acroos Hary's knuckles, and always a kiss and cuddle for luck before every op. At home, the boy was even more attentive, to the point that Merlin now actually refused to check the monitoring cameras at random, complaining that the sight of such 'excessive adoration, yeh twats' was giving him headaches. And then, of late Eggsy had taken up cooking in his spare time, meaning there was no short of oddly healthy, yet delicious food in the cupboards. Shouldn't Harry be over the moon? But M. Gary Neuman had taught him to see right through this glass window of false security. So unfortunately for the latest Kingsman chief, he was feeling anything but over the moon.

Because Harry Hart has a heartbreaking suspicion that Eggsy is cheating on him. 

"It's only possible explanation," he argues with subdued certainty to Merlin,as the Scot shakes his head incredulously in the guest chair in Harry's plush office. "He spends all day glued to his phone-"

"Like every other millenial in existence," retorts the quartermaster, poking at his clipboard dismissively. "They're all glued to the bloody things."

"But Neuman, the author of the book on infidelity I'm reading-"

"Neuman can shove it where the sun don't shine."

"He might be organising something nice, for all yeh know," the tech wizard suggests reproachfully. "Is yeh anniversary coming up?"

"Was 3 months ago," Harry answers glumly. "He took me to watch Madame Butterfly." With front-row seats, no less.

"Now tha' don't sound like a man who's cheatin' on his boyfrien'," Merlin remarks, raising eyebrows knowingly. "Yeh worry too much, Arthur."

"My instincts are uncannily accurate thank you very much, Merlin," Harry responds, a hint of huffiness in his tone as he fiddles with a pen on his desk. "I wouldn't suspect something without reason."

"I bet he is planning somethin' wonderful, an' yeh gonna feel sick with guilt at doubtin' him," Merlin declares. "Tha' boy is utterly mad for yeh, yeh twat. He's probably plannin' on proposing."

Harry chooses to rebut this argument with the information that he had turned the house upside down, looking for a ring. And the fact that when Harry brought up the possibility over last night's pasta, his young lover had laughed, no hint of nerves in his tone, and suggested maybe one day, but not yet.

"You're an actual headcase, Harry," Merlin sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "For the last fookin' time, yeh boy isn't cheatin'. Now can I take some aspirin, and we get on with discussing the mission allocation for Mumbai?"

The concrete evidence comes several days later. As excruciating as the truth was, Harry simply had to know. He'd been taken for a fool before- he wasn't about to let it happen again.

When he hears Eggsy on the phone, calling someone 'love', his heart finally splinters in his chest. The bowling ball drops into his stomach, and Harry hovers outside the ajar office door, hand over his mouth to stop a cry escaping his clamped lips.

"Ta, darling. I'll see ya tomorrow, as planned? 11:30? Amazin'. See ya!"

M. Gary Neuman had been right.

Eggsy was cheating on him.

Harry hovers around the house for the rest of the night, brushing off Eggsy's various attempts at advances with soft, subdue rebuttals. Whose lips were crushing against Eggsy's when Harry wasn't around, when thise very same lips wrapped around a forkful of spinach quiche across the table from him? Whose wit was making Eggsy chuckle to himself on his phone as he curled down one end of the couch, Harry sitting rigidly up the other? Whose love was making Eggsy's cheeks pinker, and his skin glow, like it never had before with Harry?

"Arthur?"

"Come in, Lancelot."

Roxy takes the seat Harry proffers, waiting patiently as the man himself takes his own seat behind his expansive mahogany desk.

"You asked to see me?" The brunette offers, eyebrows quirking imperceptibly in apparent confusion.

"Indeed," Harry replies, taking a moment to steel himself as he stares down at the grains of wood beneath his fingertips.

"This is difficult of me to ask you, Roxanne, but it has been giving me a fair amount of grief these past weeks. And as Eggsy's closest confidante, and best friend, I trust you will be able to aid me."

"Anything you need, Arthur." Roxy's tone has more than hint of concern into it, and Harry doesn't need to meet her hazel eyes to know she is utterly focused on him.

"Let me be brief," he sighs heavily, wishing his next words would not bring him so much aching agony.

"Is Eggsy having an affair?"

Roxy appears to be choosing her words carefully, and a calm kind of numbness settles over Harry. It's all the confirmation he needs, the final nail in his lover's coffin.

"He's not,-"

"Please, Roxanne, your silence says enough. You may be a wonderfulasset to the Kingsman team, but when it comes it your loved ones, I see what Eggsy means when he says you cannot lie."

"Arthur, wait-" there's sheer panic in Roxy's eyes as Harry gets up from his chair.

"If you will excuse me, Lancelot. I have matters to attend to."

If only every step down HQ's halls did not feel as though Harry's legs were crumbling beneath him. If only every breath did not feel as though his lungs were stuck with thousands of needles as he strides on. If only the sheer suffering that wracked his body didn't hurt so much worse than when Valentine's bullet pierced his skull, as Harry stalks closer to the Galahad office. It's ten to eleven. If Harry catches Eggsy just before he leaves to see his mister, mistress, whoever they may be, it will give the boy several hours to collect his things from Harry's before Harry returns home for the night.

The first thing he had felt was sadness, just as Neuman had explained on pain 263. Misery that he, Harry, was clearly not enough to satisfy the boy's needs, even as a traitorous voice within whispered it was to be expected. That his love would never be enough for someone so young and beautiful. That Eggsy had never loved Harry as much as Harry had loved him. The tears he had shed in private, while Eggsy was half a world away, mourning what had and what could of been.

Then, there was the wondering. The questioning of why the boy had strayed. What had Harry done, or not done, that was not enough for him? The constant thinking of how long it had taken the boy to meet someone who held his eye, who wasn't Harry, and if he loved them. Of exactly who had made Eggsy so withdrawn, engrossed in himself, yet putting on a sunny front for Harry, hoping he wouldn't notice.

And then, last of all, Neuman had warned there was anger. Anger that Eggsy would think him so gullible, an old fool to be taken advantage of. To have the audacity to expect kisses goodnight, and the same level of intimacy, when he was taking a dip in another's pond. And fury, but mostly with himself- for falling in love so deeply and wholly with someone who had been destined to destroy him.

"Hey babe." Eggsy looks faintly surprised to see him, standing at his office door. He steps back, allowing Harry to stride inside.

"I think we need to have a talk, Eggsy." Harry is surprised by how calm he sounds, despite the rushing cyclone of emotions inside of him, ripping through the fabric of his consciousness.

"Uh, yeah, I think we do too," Eggsy says a tad guilty, rocking back on his heels. Was he about to confess?

No. Harry wouldn't give him that courtesy. It was time to cut the cord. Then retreat, pull back before salt could be poured on his deep emotional wounds, and hope he would heal.

"Haz-"

"Eggsy, I know you've been having an affair."

"And quite honestly," Harry continues, tone still mild, "I don't want to know who with, or why. I just want your things out of my home by eight o'clock tonight. Are we clear?"

Why was his heart hammering so painfully, and his throat swelling?

Eggsy stares, clearly dumbstruck. Before-

"What in the actual FUCK?!"

Harry's own anger swells exponentially at Eggsy's own furious expression. "Don't play dumb with me, Eggsy. I know. You can't hide it, I'm not entirely oblivious-"

"Are you actually fucking serious?!" The younger agent shrieks, eyes slits, body rigid with indignance. "What the fuck?! You actually think I would do that to you?!"

What?

"You've been glued to your phone relentlessly," Harry splutters defensively, finding his flame. "I heard you talking to your mistress or mister, I don't know, last week, calling them darling for fuck's sake, you've been taking more pride in your appearance-"

"You're an actual fucking idiot, you know?!" Eggsy spits, grabbing Harry by his upper arms. "What the fuck."

"Stop trying to deny it. Just get out-"

"I'm fucking PREGNANT, you massive wang!"

The oxygen is promptly sucked from Harry's lungs.

"You're what?" He manages, rather faintly, immobile.

"Yes," Eggsy's face is irritated rather than angry, but there's a slow, teary smile creeping across his face. "Pregnant, you fuckin' cockwomble. With your, our, child. Since April."

Eggsy's pregnant. Eggsy's fucking pregnant. His beautiful, beautiful unique boy, was just on 3 months with child. The parts he'd spent so long convincing the boy to love, that he was no less of a man because of what lay between his legs- those pieces of Eggsy, pieces of Harry, had made something wonderful.

Oh my god, oh my god, a dream come true- it's a miracle. Their little miracle, nestled inside the fleshed walls of a womb, slowly blooming to life-

"If I've been on me phone a lot, it's cos I've been Googling like mad," Eggsy explains, eyes meeting Harry's beseechingly. "When I first did the test I was mad scared, ya know- I was in fuckin' Osaka for tha' intel op, I called Rox an' cried my eyes out.

"I was freakin' out so bad, cos I didn't know if intersex people could even have kids- would the baby develop proper, be born ok? It was so fuckin' scary-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Harry doesn't mean to sound accusing, but he's just had an atomic bomb dropped on him, quite frankly.

Cos I knew you'd freak out even more'n me, dickhead," Eggsy says pointedly, but there's not much bite in his words. "Ya worry enough as it is. Let alone a pregnancy in a womb tha's not sposed to be there- you'd spontaneously combust, you would."

And as shell-shocked as he is, truthdoes register in Eggsy's words. But there's still a question burning a hole in Harry's larynx.

"Then who were you calling darling on the phone?"

Perplexingly, Eggsy barks a laugh, smile stretching his mouth. "Darling is my gyno's last name, you twat." He rubs Harry's arm absently.

"Louise Darling, she specializes in intersex pregnancies. She's been having appointments wif me every couple of weeks, to check up on Bean."

"Bean?" Harry quirks an eyebrow.

His young lover blushes, seemingly embarrassed. "S'just what I'vd been callin' the baby," he murmurs quietly. "Cos it's so small still. Like a li'l bean."

"An before ya ask, I've been cookin' a shitload of stuff cos' it's all good for the baby, see? Gives me the 'pregnancy glow' All the stuff I been cookin has lots of vitamins in it, an' folic acid, cos Bean needs loads of that-"

But the words die in Eggsy's throat as Harry pulls him in for a crushing cuddle.

It all makes sense, all of it. Every single detail, that Harry blew utterly out of proportion. He'd been so blinded by his own stupidity he hadn't seen what was right in front of him all along. What an absolute fucking fool he had been.

"I'm so sorry, my dear boy, for ever doubting you-"

"An' I'm sorry for not tellin' you, love." Eggsy's voice is muffled into Harry's shoulder, but the tearful emotion in his tone is evident.

After a long moment, the pair break apart, and concern clouds the younger man's sunlit features.

"Wait. Ya do want this, him or her, right?"

Harry drops to his knees without a sound, onto the lush dark carpet of HQ and kisses Eggsy's belly firmly through the fabric of his bespoke, clinging to his partner for dear life.

"There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that I want more than this," Harry says thickly, a solo tear sliding down his cheek, as Eggsy's hand caresses through his pomaded hair."

"It- Bean- is ours. Our little one, a little piece of you and me and I am going to love it and you forever, my dear, dear boy."

He's going to come to meet this Dr. Darling, and see his little Bean fluttering away on the ultrasound screen, hear the sound of it's heartbeat. He'll rub swollen ankles, and run out at all hours of the night to sate whatever weird and wonderful pregnancy cravings plague Eggsy. He will hold tiny, designer, cashmere onesies to his cheek, and imagine the feel of a tiny little body wearing them, who will soon be resting in his arms. He can hardly wait.

"I fookin' told you he wasn't, Harry," a familiar Scottish brogue declares smugly over the office's intercom. "Told yeh. But congratulations. I formally reserve the title of Godfather."

"Noted, Merlin. Now do piss off."

But in fact, Harry isn't even bothered by the interjection. Because all he can do is hold Eggsy close, and cry happy tears into his boyfriend's smiling, equally tear-streaked face. He isn't being cheated on. He's going to be a father.

Let's see what M. Gary Neuman has to say about that.