#that's why im asking for the antacids

[dont-read-this-im-dead]

Me: do you have antacids at home? I accidentally took too much ibuprofen and Tylenol and Google said antacids will help.

Sister: on top of the fridge. How many did you take?

Me: today, 12 ibuprofen and 6 Tylenol in 12 hours. Yesterday, 16 ibuprofen And 12 Tylenol in 16 hours.

Sister: that's called overdosing, and you can die.

[skye707]

Slightly curious, who would make fun of me for heartburn/acid reflux? Like on a scale of would chuckle to just full on laughing-

I deal with acid reflux 24/7 in the form of belly cramps, and I don't mind if the silly bois laugh at it cus I find it funny myself-

Hope you're having a good day! and maybe I might give myself an emoji later cus idk ya cool and stuff-

Oh, I’m sorry you’ve got a dumb fleshy body thing to deal with, but I’m glad you’ve found some joy in it (??) so hell yeah! On a scale of 1 (would laugh at you) to 9 (this isn’t funny??im worried about you???)

ZY - I mean yeah he’s a jerk. Anything that makes some else less evolutionarily fit than him is something he can and will laugh at. But what a loser.

Unburied - What? Are you serious? That’s hilarious. He’s more dumbfounded than anything, like you’ve got acid reflux and you’re not using it as like an out for social events? If you’re not doing that you definitely should.

BTAA - First, he thinks you’re joking. Once he realizes you’re being serious, it gives him a quick chuckle. Until he sees it firsthand. Then he immediately feels bad for laughing.

Telltale - This Riddler draws the line from finding it funny to being indifferent. Okay? So does he, you’re not special. He has some antacid tablets if you need them, but you’ll have to ask nicely and answer a riddle.

Arkham - Another little guy that doesn’t really care either way. Join the club! He doesn’t like dealing with body stuff like acid reflux or eating or sleeping, but I guess good for you for getting a laugh out of it. He doesn’t get it, but whatever.

BTAS - And from here on out, they are worried. He’s not overly anxious; he knows it’s relatively normal, but he still would feel bad that you’re in pain. But he’s willing to support your personal humor in it.

Gotham - Once you tell him, he immediately gathers any and all supplies necessary to help you easy the pain. Here, I have something for your tummy. Are you laughing? Don’t laugh?? I’m trying to be helpful???

Dano - Uh oh. You’re in pain. But you’re laughing? Why are you laughing?? I guess he’ll start laughing too, but on the inside he’s screaming. He’s waiting for you to busy yourself with something so he can run to the nearest pharmacy and beg the person at the counter to help him.

YJ - NOT FUNNY?? Your tummy hurts, and that’s not fun. He should know, his hurts constantly! You’re not at all worried about this?? You’re going to have to sit him down and explain why it happens and why it’s not a big deal. And probably tell him that his tummy hurting doesn’t mean he’s dying either.

ps I’m glad you think I’m cool and I’d love if you had an emoji

[transrightsjimin]

im behind on my administration nd freaking out abt medical bills nd just, the privatization of healthcar!! if anyone told you the netherlands has super socialized systems, they’re either a time traveller from the previous century or lying or like... think anything tht isn’t the US is socialist. it’s not. this country is capitalistic nd social programs have been deteriorating for decades bc of this dominant neoliberal as well as fascist mentality in politics, which enforces budget cuts that hurt the working class nd then punishes them for being poor or sick. yes there is insurance, but insurance companies (that you’re required to by law to make use of even if you can’t afford it fully) are a competitive market that keep increasing its prices every year, less and less is insured bc of the privatization of health, this country is a tax haven for multinationals who pay fucking zero or even get donations from the government and ex-students are stuck with loan debt of ten thousands of euros bc of student benefits being turned into loans by liberal parties in the chamber. if i have to see ppl from other countries share these fucking posts praising the NL for being so progressive for legized weed (it rly isn’t??? there are shops where it can be bought w a license but ppl can be stopped on the street for smoking it bc of racial profiling, and owning one weed plant is legal but not using it or cultivating more than one. like cops in helicopters looking for houses tht cultivate weed bc they got dragged in a scheme is everyday reality you know??).

like yes, this is by far not the worst place on earth, even the working class, esp white, are still far more privileged than the working class in other countries, e.g. not needing to fear for war and having access to water or healthcare at least somewhere. and the petit bourgeouis is quite large in this country which is why there might be a disconnect in ppl’s minds when not being able to apply class theory to a local context. but it is this romanticization of a country tht breaks down its social systems, copies a lot of pseudo-science and ‘free market‘ shit from the US, and deals w its own tradition of denying its colonial / racist past and PRESENT (it still has colonies but it isn’t addressed as such??) that gets to people’s heads and justifies any bad processes bc ‘hey, it at least isn’t [insert other country]!!‘.

more personal rants abt bureacuracy bs and healthcare bills under the readmore. im stressed

FUCKING HELL i just found out that the ‘eigen bijdrage‘ (own financial contribution) that comes with this new ADHD medicine (lisdexfetamine) isn’t around €20-25 like the person who prescribed it stated it was (which already is a lot to me considering the first medicine is fully insured) but €105,37 of which i would need to pay €76,80 (i think bc the previous medication of methylfenidaat was affirmed as not effective) for just 30 MEDICINES so ONE MONTH??

the pharmacist i spoke to, sounded like they too found it an absurdly high price nd i asked if the amount would eventually not be needed to be paid anymore after a certain amount of times (which was for example the case with antacids i picked up for my mom nd myself) and they said it didn’t. i was adviced to seek contact with my insurance company so i did and they said p much the same thing about fees being constant, maybe at the most fluctuating a little bit to lower fees in some months but not much. the only good thing is that eigen bijdrage fees can “only” run up to €250 per year bc anything above that is covered by insurance (which is already so?? to me bc you also have eigen risico amount of €385 per year which works p much the same).

so i looked at the website of the ADHD diagnostic / therapy center i’m a patient at and there’s a page about fees for medication and it links to a web page with statement of the brand / pharmaceutical company that makes this lisdexfentamine and it turns out that you CAN send it a request to get payed back the (i think full??) amount that you paid for the medication. my fucking god the fact that the insurance company workers nor pharmacists couldn’t even access that information bc it isn’t communicated is so vile. i considered not taking this medication despite it possibly being one that actually works for me unlike methylfenidaat. i really hope i can get the full amount paid back and that it’s not actually so that there’s more to this the brand won’t tell people who need medication. i’m also just frustrated this shit isn’t covered bc

i have supposedly the best type of insurance at this company nd my parents help me pay for it and all and this medicine nd a bunch of other things STILL aren’t covered by insurance bc the pharmaceutical industry has become so privatized and the ADHD institution i am a patient at has no contract w insurance companies so that’ll be another €250 in 2021.

ALSO i still have this invoice of €91 from my orthodontist bc my splint was broken nd replaced a few months ago, and i want to send the invoice to my insurance to see if they could at least cover part of it. but for that i need a PDF and to download that, i need to enter a code which they would send to my ‘phone number‘ but that one belongs to my parents’ landline(?) phone and to change it, i need to log in but i don’t have an online account bc when i first joined that ortho center i didn’t have all that and so far that was just fine. so now i first need to find a way to make an account or change my phone number to be able to download the invoice PDF and send that to the insurance. goddd.

like i am blessed enough to have parents who keep offering to help me pay my bills but i feel guilty towards them whenever i accept that bc it’s not like they’re rich or anything nd my mom will lose 1 form of income (or already has) nd isn’t at pension age yet bc that’s 67 and she’s 65 so they’re dependant on mainly my dad who overworks on wage barely above minimum, though i do think my mom gets a little bit so that’s a bit of a relief. but urgh i rly don’t want them to pay for so much for me, nd though the municipality doesn’t check my bank account regularly, it can if it suspects fraud nd they do that for the most random reasons so i’m always afraid they will check and see my parents send money and end up witholding welfare benefits for us.

[darkbrokensoul1666]

Life update

The past week has just been problem after problem. Along with so much studying, tests and assignments. It started with ballet being cancelled last week monday. Tuesday , We then tried going to the dance shop a main road was shut so we took like a 20 minute detour - then couldnt find the shop. We then went to the shop - power was out. Pull out of shop - car starts making weird noise. We get home - power is out. Wednesday we take car to mechanic. We get a loan car. These mechanics didnt call and mum didn’t know what was going on until thursday afternoon when she called. Friday they then finally think they know whats wrong with it. $1700 - $2500 to replace the part. Then starts blowing white smoke. Mechanic recommendeds we dont drive home - we do. Mum woke me up friday night coz she felt dizzy, sick and had back and stomach pain. She then drive to my brothers mechanic friend the next day and he diagnoses the cars problem in 5 minutes. Turns out its a different thing and will only cost $500. Mum has a doctors appointment sunday after church and the doctor wants mum to take these antacid tablets and have blood test and ultrasound done. I now also have a psychology assignment that i neglected to use the time in class to do so now i have pages of questions that were due today so i will probably get 10% taken off. This friday i also have a massive dance 1000 word critical review due that i havent started because once again I neglected to use the time in class. Its also super hard to work in class when everyone around you isnt. I am bloody exhausted. Today mum had the blood test and has the ultrasound wednesday. On top of this my brother attempted to fix the car but its now leaking oil. My mum told him multiple times not to drive it home but yet he did. Today one if my friends also started asking why i wasnt eating and forgot every lie I usually tell and just said nothing and made an absolute fool out of myself. We didnt have dinner til 8:30pm so i totally broke my rule of notveating after 7pm and after 6:30pm. Now its study week with exams next week and im hella stressed and its like i never had a weekend. I want to just disappear. Ive also got such a headache and have no brain space to think about this psychology assignment.

On a more positive note my mum and i were looking at dance careers yesterday. I also found a dance short course at waapa for high school students in the summer holidays that costs $530-$550 that is 5 days long and goes for like 6hrs each day. I am hoping i can do it and mum can afford it and if not my dad will offer to pay hopefully. I am also hoping to start more dance lessons next year at a proper dance school as well as with school and my current ballet teacher. Im hoping to bring my total dance hours a week to about 10 next year

[alex-in-wonderlandd]

Honestly i wish i could disappear. I feel so fucking useless and im a complete ass CLOWN for thinking that you fucking care about me still when you dont. At all. And it hurts. Its almost as of overnight you fucking just. Stopped. Why? I dont understand? Just a few days before you got angry with me for something as trivial as waking you up. We were completely fine, if not more than that. It really seemed like it was that “head-over-heels” type of love. And you want to know why i think that? Because you fucking told me it was that. I dont think you remember at all though. The little things you would say to me while you were half asleep in my room.

And you say you left because its whats best for both of us. Thats not true. You dont know whats best for me and my happiness at all. Its not a decision for you to make. You only care about yourself. And i guess that i didnt make you happy enough and i was a tie you had to cut. But im not allowed to be upset over that am I? It seems to you that im not supposed to allow myself to be sad and grieve. But it also seems like i would be marked as a whore andca bitch if im happy and trying to move on right? (Dont worry. Im not though.)

I wanted you to be happy i really did but. Now i think i want you to hurt. Because you shattered me. And you know you did. And now you’re picking up the pieces from the mess youve created of me and stronging them along a frayed red thread thats tied not to your little finger like in the old Japanese folktales. But to your ego.

Honestly fuck you for saying that you love me and that you dont want this break between us to be permanent. Fuck you for saying that you’re probably going to come back. Fuck you for saying that you care about me and that you’re still always going to be here for me. Because you know what. I was drowning that week and when i tried to approach you about it, i was suddenly inconsiderate and it was the last straw for you or whatever and you? Left? Me? During my time of need.

And god i cant even tell you how your selfish timing fucked me over. Not only did you make me drive all the way across town so you could break up with me in person and waste my time, but you really had to do it to me right before my big finals. Before my first shift with my new promotion at work that same night. And roght before summer. So i cant even distract myself with school or friends because everyone is busy with their summer classes, traveling, or work. The 3 friends i do have cant always be there. And i dont even get the opportunity to attempt to make more.

And whats even shittier is the fact that im stupid enough to believe that you’re going to check up on me like ive been checking up on you. I dont know why ive been so fucking nice to you when all youve done to and for me is break my heart, and then get mad at me after we broke up for asking for a little more clarity as to why. You get in my face and tell me that im not listening to you. I am fucking listening but it dosent make any sense?

Seriously how does that make any sense?

“Im breaking up with you because i love you”

What?

No you dont. You obviously dont.

And you shouldn’t have lied about it.

Because all that did was confuse me and hurt me more and here we are a little over two weeks later and i think the wound thats bleeding tonight is deeper and bloodier than the original cut you made when you cut me off.

But it dosent even matter because im not allowed to be hurt over our breakup am i? I bet you the second that i go out with another male friend thats not a safe boy like matthew or will or my two male friends at work or someone you see as a “threat” you’re gonna get all butthurt because im trying to “move on” or whatever right?

Why do you care? Its not like im going to throw my superego out the window and give into some carnal instinct that kicks in and fuck the first guy i see to get over you. Thats not who i am. Thats not what i want. But even if it were, you dont get tobe angry about it because you were the one who left me. You ask if im seeing anyone new the few times weve talked. You claim you’re just trying to “check on me and my life” but quite frankly asking me that one week after we break up at 11:00 at night because i “seem like im doing fine and having fun with my dudes” seems more like an attack.

But did i let it slide? Yeah.

Why did i let it slide?

Because im a fool for still being in love with you and fucking myself up over it.

and you know what else? I dont even know what to do with your things. I have a trillion photos of us. I have your clothes; a hoodie, 3 shirts, your belt, and strangely enough a pair of your boxers. I remember you brought an extra pair to disneyland the first time we went together and you let me wear them after my pants got soaked on splash mountain. I bet you don’t remember that though.

I have the chest you made me only a month ago on our one year. With the glass rose inside of it that you gave to me and insisted that you would love me until it broke. Well there dont seem to be any fractures so i guess that was just a lie too right? And i have the jar you made for me on my birthday with all the nice notes in it.

I packed them up the night before you left because i already knew in my gut what was about to happen, and when i presented them to you after the fact you cried. You told me to hold on to them just in case. And honestly i should have just threw them off an overpass. But i still have them. Because theyre too special to me to destroy because nobody has ever treated me as kindly as you have. (Until now i thought you were an angel. I really did.)

But i also cant stand to look at them without breaking down.

I really dont think youd be able to comprehend what youve done to me. Ive lost about 12 pounds in a 2 week period. Because i just feel absolutely sick to my stomach. And you know what? You made me throw up. In my 11 years of having nausea for what I thought was no reason up until senior year when i was diagnosed with anxiety and gastritis and emetophobia. Ive never actually thrown up unless i was sick with a stomach bug or on an airplane. But you... you made me throw up for the first time out of anxiety and heartbreak and panic. Despite all the drugs ive been doing to make myself feel better like the bottles of antacids and the cases of ginger beer and even prescription medication that was supposed to guarantee I wouldn’t vomit. I did anyway.

My stomach is flatter than it used to be. I remember you told me you would help me get my summer body and i was so excited at first. And you did help me get it. But my heart is broken and id rather have the food baby back and feel disgusted by my appearance and happy than looking fit and feeling...

How am i feeling?

Im a little bit depressed. Im a little relieved. Im nauseated, obviously. Im starving but i cant eat because two bites make me feel full even if im still hungry. Im angry. Im empowered though too because this has been hard for me and im still standing i guess.

But above all im feeling foolish because for some twisted, fucked up reason.

I still love you. And i miss you more and more each day.

Maybe im a masochist. I stayed with the actual spawn of satan for like 2 years. He hurt me. He disrespected me and my body for the longest time. He turned all my friends against me. I was so desperate to get out of that situation, but i didnt. I wanted to so bad. But i was so scared to leave. Maybe i do this to myself subconsciously because id rather be miserable in a relationship than alone.

But we weren’t miserable. We really weren’t.

You dont deserve my love anymore though. You practically cheated on me and i forgave you. You blew up and got angry at me for the smallest an most trivial matters like movie times and jokes in bad taste. I check on you still whenever you post something about wanting to disappear or feelig like crap. I check on you even when you dont post that stuff and ask you how your finals are going and if your family is doing ok.

And that makes me 🤡 of the day because I think that youll check on me too but you wont. Im drowning and you’re standing over me in a life raft just watching.

I just wish i could get closure.

But you know what? Actually i think i get it now.

I love you. But i need to get away from you.