#the Simps™

[dootznbootz]

Hiiiiiii I just saw the character ask thing :))))

Can you tell me about your NOTP, random headcanon and unpopular opinion about Helen of Sparta?

Thank you so much!!!

I'll save the one that'll get me crucified last! 👍

Random headcanon: Both Odysseus and Penelope were given a "photographic memory" by Athena. When Athena had "forsaken" Odysseus it was taken away. Makes it nice because a lot of the more fucked up parts of the Odyssey are a bit more "fuzzy" for him. And he hates feeling "so out of sorts". He gets it back though.

Also Athena technically took Penelope under her "wing" like, one month before Odysseus.

Unpopular Helen Opinion: In MY FICS, (It's okay if you don't agree!) She is built like Rose Quartz from Steven Universe. She doesn't have a perfect "hourglass figure". She's got some pudge on her tummy. Girl is TALL (Demigod) and CHUBBY. One of the important components of Helen and Menelaus' relationship is that they are both strong enough to lift each other. Also she's the most beautiful woman in the world and chubby women are hot af lskdjf She also SUCKS at singing. She's good at wrestling and spear work. (Sparta. I also love athletic women. Plenty of chubby women are also athletic af. If you think otherwise, literally look up women's Olympic sports participants.)

Homies, know that my NOTP can be YOUR OTP and that's okay! We can still love each other and be friends! Ignore the rest if you just don't want to see that, but know that while it kind of will be in my fics, it's probably not in the way you want it to be.

Please don't hate me and know I don't hate you or think I'm "correct"!

It's OdyDio. Heads up but in my fics, know that they had a weird "middle school romance" that ended badly (Odysseus randomly decided to bite Diomedes while they were kissing and then ran away when they were around 15-17. It was Odysseus' first relationship and he freaked out and got embarrassed and now Odysseus makes it everyone else's problem. It's canon to me. It's fucking funny) and now they're weird exes who are the fucking WORST to each other and compete to be "Athena's best boy".

These are the reasons why so avoid them if you don't want to read that! :'D This is the only time I will ever be on the "Odysseus hate train" because he's such an asshole to Diomedes.

I feel so bad about it. 😭 I'm a freak who likes Odysseus/Menelaus (probably having a BROTP or a QPP going on) I think it's because Odysseus is just... SO MEAN to Diomedes. And when he's not mean, he's just neutral. There is not really any "Diomedes, you're the best guy!". Especially when have Sthenelus and Diomedes saying I love you to each other To ME, they are like co-workers who work GREAT together on the battlefield and on missions, but never do anything outside of that.

When Diomedes asks for help, Odysseus sprints away from battle. When Diomedes compliments him before the night raid, Odysseus literally is like "Dude, you're not the only person who knows I'm good at stealing. Let's go."

Odysseus, that long-suffering, godlike man, replied: “Son of Tydeus, don’t over-praise me, or censure me. You’re speaking to the Argives,                           who know everything about me. Let’s go. Night is passing quickly. Dawn approaches. The stars have shifted forward. Most of the night                   has passed, two thirds of it, with one third left.”

(Ian Johnston, Book 10)

Odysseus is an asshole but he's still so mean to Diomedes! 😭 ESPECIALLY WHEN DIOMEDES IS SO FUCKING NICE TO ODYSSEUS!!! I know that's what probably makes them so compelling to so many lovely folks but I love fluff BECAUSE I'm so tired of toxic relationships irl. I don't...I don't see how I can make OdyDio fluffy 😥 With OdyDio, I feel like I'm watching my bestie (Diomedes) get back with their toxic ex who mistreats them (Odysseus). Diomedes is actually quite polite to the others. Even when Agamemnon scolds him, he tells Sthenelus to think nothing of it. He compliments Odysseus! He listens to the gods when they tell him "Hey stop fighting!" and listens to Athena! Like he's violent and a killing machine but he's respectful! He's a traumatized, respectful, killing machine! He bitches at Paris but everyone has done that! That's something everyone partakes in /j

It bothers me even more because when Odysseus is with Penelope, he's so wonderful and loving? And that the Odyssey barely mentions Diomedes? And since Odysseus runs away from Diomedes when he asks for help, it boggles my mind that books earlier, he goes into a rage when his friend gets killed!

[...]but hit Leucus, a brave companion of Odysseus, in the groin,                                           as he was dragging Simoeisius away. His hands let go. He fell down on the corpse. Enraged at Leucus’ slaughter, Odysseus strode up, through the front ranks, armed in gleaming bronze. Going in close, he took his stand. Looking round, he hurled his glittering spear. As he threw, Trojans moved back, but the spear found a mark. It hit Democoön, Priam’s bastard son, who had come from Abydos, where he bred horses for their speed.                                    Angry for his friend, Odysseus speared him in the temple.

(Ian Johnston, Book 4)

Odysseus, you prick!!! You go on a rampage when your buddy gets killed but sprint away when your STILL ALIVE BUDDY asks you for help?! ASSHOLE

I DO plan on Diomedes going to visit Ithaca with Sthenelus while Odysseus is still gone. They ARE kind of friends/frenemies during the end of the war but it's a weird thing where Diomedes cares about Odysseus but Odysseus tolerates him. Like he left him to die. I love Odysseus. He's my special little guy but he treats Diomedes, another special little guy, like shit 😞

Also just...Most of anything about OdyDio (fanart/fanfic/etc.) it's of them fighting or bickering or betraying each other or being very sexual. I already plan to write Odysseus (and Penelope) as Aspec CODED and so I...just really don't care for that??? There's barely ANYTHING of them being soft. BECAUSE THEM TWO TOGETHER just aren't soft... I personally don't like couples that are mean to each other 😭 (I'm not even including the whole "betrayal with the Pallidium" because it makes me sad to think about. I don't consider it canon.)

Menelaus though?

I have plans 😌 These two bring me comfort and are a special brotp

[hualianschild]

love how instead of accepting he liked kissing hua cheng he blames his teacher for not teaching him how to not be tempted by men 💀

[mobius-m-mobius]

+ BONUS

#should've known we were in for it when they started solving cases 😂

[an-albino-pinetree]

I love this face I created, and boy do I wish I could post this particular picture in full But I cannot

[wickedhawtwexler]

ahhhhh i have an interview on monday!!!!!!!!

[julians-cutlery]

please excuse my very horrible anatomy and coloring skills and look at how my wittle baby is blushing while holding the fluteboy's flute~ *convulses and dies and comes back*

(Also fictional gay people give real life gay people insomnia and anxiety-

Source? Trust me babygurl ;)

Is that how Krishna talks to arjun, I bet that's how that madlad talks to him)

and while we are at it, have this line-art version too (which Imo looks waaay better than the colored one, Idk but it kind-of feels like it conveys the very gay and very pinining vibes of the artwork better)

(I might post the line-art version separately just because)

Anyway, I'm done sinning for the night bye bye (who am I kidding, its always sinning time)

(PS: Im actually typing this out for the secondth time because this site decided to Betray me for some reason- (sigh, tumblr I love u so I won't bitch about u this time)

[honey-and-bears]

Why do i think dark haired and broad shouldered men isn't my type until one of them just pops up on screen 😩

[steveharirngton]

Okay, whoever wanted to see Joe cry I hope you are happy now because I do not want to see that again I hate him he's just great at what he does I love him and I wanna take care of him. Seriously he is just amazing I FEEL for him.

[downtherabbitholewithlucy]

✨SAM WEARING HIS CAP TO THE BACK✨

(Sam's Beanies/old post)

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

Bang Chan more like Dang Chan

[dootznbootz]

"Why does Menelaus know the details of Odysseus' hands and how he moves-" Because they made friendship bracelets for each other? Because they had a secret handshake? Because they held hands? Does that answer your question?

[heffrondriving]

does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes

[spaciebabie]

Why are sun and moon horny for greypeople ass

have you seen grey people??????????

[honeyed-hedonist]

I can't believe you're cheating on Sukuna

Don’t you dare call me out like this, Nat.

[empcrer]

as a once astarion girly, i can say with my whole chest that the emperor is far more compelling. simply because he's so complex and is never what he seems on the surface– and quite literally they have the same red flags. and i might add ascended astarion is far worse than the emperor. the major difference is with astarion, his arc and his history is all laid out for you. there's no second guessing, he tells you what he 'wants' and it's easy to read him. with the emperor though you'll never get the whole truth. he tells you just enough so he can say he did tell you xyz, so you get frustrated with him for not being forthright with his explanations. you have to do an extremely hard side quest that a lot of people skip just to get the some of the whole truth of the emperor's past, or be a total ass to him. and his arc is never fully wrapped up because you have to get specific endings to even hear his further aspirations. they both want the same thing, which is the overarching theme of bg3– gaining true freedom and autonomy. only the emperor is a mystery wrapped up in an enigma where you really have to sit and unravel him to really understand the nuance of the character. hence why i never switched playing fields so fast in my life

[baerryjj]

Recently came to the realization that Malenia (blade of miquella) is my comfort character and the main reason I genuinely don't stop thinking about her is because I'm always in need of some sort of comfort LMAOOOO