#the androgenous one

[daraoakwise]

150 years ago, a boy was born to my great-great grandmother. And that was the last time that happened anywhere on my maternal line until my son was born in 2016. This is a story about intersex people.

For 150 years, the women of my family kept having daughters, who either also had daughters, or they were oddly unable to have children. Strange quirk, we assumed. No boys.

In the late 1970s, my mother’s sister had a daughter with Down Syndrome. Genetic testing was done, and it was discovered that although she looked female, she actually possessed the male XY chromosome combination. Her sister was born three years later. And because of that genetic concern, her genes were checked. And she possessed … the XY chromosomes. A third daughter, born a few years later, possessed the usual XX.

Keeping in the tradition, my mother had two daughters. Because of our cousins’ genetic conditions, my sister and I were both checked. Both of us appeared typically XX. And so for more than thirty years, it was dismissed as a quirk, and no one said the word intersex because that wasn’t a thing in 1980.

In 2014 I had a son, breaking the chain of girls. It was an interesting story! I then had two daughters, and didn’t bother to do any genetic checking.

And then in 2020 my sister became pregnant. Early genetic testing said boy, XY. Twenty week anatomy scan said girl. Definitely 100% girl. Uhhh?! As expected, she*** was born genetically male, possessing only male gonads in the form of undescended testes, but female external genitalia.

It was Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, a genetic mutation carried on the X chromosome. See, all bodies start female. Then, when the hormonal influence of the Y chromosome kicks in, instructions on the X are supposed to detect the testosterone and create male genitalia. Except a person with AIS is non-reactive to testosterone, and the body stays, at least superficially, female. Genetic check would say boy. Presence of testes says boy. Pants check says girl. Making the question of sex (sex. Gender is something else, ok?) distinctly complicated.

If someone has a mother who is a carrier of AIS, there are 4 possibilities. Unaffected XY, and so genetically and structurally male. Affected XY, and so intersex. Affected XX, and so a female carrier. Unaffected XX female and entirely unaffected.

My grandmother was a carrier. My aunt and mother are carriers. My sister is a carrier. When my niece was born, my single non-intersex cousin and I did genetic testing. And we are both carriers as well. My son is an unaffected XY male. My niece is affected XY intersex. Both my cousin and I also have 2 daughters each. And, because it is medically and psychologically relevant, we had them tested. All XX.****

And I was ready to check one more thing: are my daughters carriers? There is a 50/50 chance. And then I stopped, because they are preschoolers, and that is their reproductive decision. They know three intersex people. And if they care, someday they can check their genes and the odds that my grandchildren will be intersex. The intersex people they know will, I hope, be able to talk to them about the beauty of their lives as one of the wonderful variations of humanity.

[soulren]

Go spend some time on male pattern baldness or male(AMAB) balding forums/subreddits and such. I did after realizing it is happening to me and the ammount of people who truly don't realize how BRUTALLY it tanks people's confidence and mental health is insane.

There's no cure to baldness by the way, and it can start at any time and there's no way to predict how fast or slow it will go. The only real working option is a daily pill that usually just halts it, but it can stop working or just slow it down or cause major side effects. To regrow you have to use a daily topical solution, or use a roller to wound your scalp. None of these are surefire by the way, and if you stop them you'll just lose your hair and whatever you regained. It's a daily involved thing that might not work and often at best just retains. The best drug, the one that occasionaly gives regrowth, also causes shedding at the start, and can have side effects from growing breasts to brain fog to EDsyfunction(sorry, censoring cause tumblr). Now, those are INCREDIBLY rare and almost never happen but it weighs heavily on the mind of those already spiraling.

But that's just background. What I'm here to talk about is the pure woe you'll see on those forums. People speak as though their lives are over, as though they've lost every chance of finding a woman(predominantly, there's a running idea in such places that women don't like bald men or like them less) or doing anything. You can read countless stories of people who describe that they no longer go outside, are now filled with anxiety and self-hate, have gone from extroverted to never showing their face. And some of these people are kids who lost their hair in high school or even before, or are holding as best they can to a very receded hairline and feel like there is nothing they can do.

And then there's something touched upon far less in those communities, but is important to bring up here; baldness and masculinity. There's the horror of knowing so much of society sees a bald guy as a very masculine guy, at seeing that the best advice for being hot and bald is "grow and beard and big muscles bro". Imagine now you're AMAB balding and nonbinary, or a trans woman who doesn't want to be on hormones.

Just genuinely take the time to look at those forums no matter who you are. Understand what these people go through, what I am currently going through. It is soul-crushing, spiraling, brutal. I have the dream of one day being like Brennan Lee Mulligan or Matt Mercer and starting to lose my hair made me feel like I could never. I felt like and still feel like I would have to be masculine, have to be a bro-y dude, have to look older than I was(I'm fuckin 22). It was the feeling that I could never dress feminine again, never present as a woman when I wanted to again, that I'd always be viewed as a bald guy before anything else.

This is an incredibly vulnerable post for me, and I hope it reaches you all as well in a kind and understanding mood. There's a tendency online for people to joke about baldness, to make fun of it, to treat it as a playfull silly thing but it fucking ruins lives, and it shouldn't. It happens to half the population's sort of bodies and very often. It should just be a neutral thing. You don't need long hair to be feminine, you don't need hair to be feminine. You don't need hair for anything. I guess I'm just saying in general that everyone should be kinder about balding, more understanding, and view it with as much import as they'd view the pixels between this sentence and the next. None at all, I mean.

And for those like me, very feminine guys who wanna keep that and don't want a beard and are terrified of balding, here's some names and I do hope others that see this will add more; Mr. Bruce (also in The Correspondents(band) Alex Ward in LA By Night Jason Carl in LA By Night Cecil Baldwin of Welcome To Night Vale Bob The Drag Queen RuPaul(in looks alone, I know about the whole fracking stuff but this post is about looks) tananasho on instagram Also your mannerisms and style of dress will convey femininity far more than your hair. Yea sure a front-on neutral shot of you may not and maybe you need makeup and stuff, and hell maybe a lot of people might reject you more but it'll just filter down to the people for you.

And to all you artists and writers and creatives; make more bald characters. Try it out. Feminine ones, masculine ones, all sorts. None of the copout nonhuman sort, just dudes and girls and mates and individuals who are all sorts of things and also bald. It might make a few of the people going through the various vortexes of pain that balding causes feel a bit better.

And to those noticing I did not adress female hair loss much here, that was intentional. I am AMAB and currently a nonbinary guy who goes by any pronouns but often likes to present as fem. I learned I was possibly losing my hair and lost two months of my life, no work or going or anything, to male hair loss forums and research and spiraling. Checking my hair twenty times a day, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to think. And my situation was NOT unique, but it also did not give me any experience or understanding of female hair loss and what AFAB people may go through with that, so I don't feel knowledgeable enough to speak on it. Also living with baldness WILL get easier and you will find something that works for it, by virtue of simply living with it. Things get easier with time.

[princyvish]

deuceace yuri my sibling wanted me to draw..

[dimonds456]

It's so important to me and wonderful that Kris is more masc-presenting, but still firmly uses they/them.

So, SO many people still think of nonbinary people as just Women Lite™, or that they HAVE to be as androgenous as possible or they're not "actually" nonbinary. But Kris leans more masc, in both design and name. And they still use they/them.

Idk. It's just good representation. I hope to see more masc they/thems in the future, but until then, we got Kris and I couldn't be happier.

[echoing-gravity]

@TotallyNotChatNoir: i'm not a magical girl!!!! D:(

@Ladybug: Magical Girl™ is a gender neutral term, chat.

@Ladybug: your a Magical Girl.

@Ladybug: I'M a Magical Girl.

@Ladybug: even *Hawkmoth* on a TECHNICAL Level IS Magical Girl.

@Ladybloger: pfft hawkmoth is a magical girl! It's canon now, @djnino pass it on

@djnino: alya why tf are u awake at 4am we hvae a science test n medeliv's class tmorror

*#Hawkmothisamagicalgirl is now #1 on trending*

[lazyveran]

constantly having to hit myself over the head to stop the urge to write azula as more gnc simply bc i want to

[steeb-stn]

My medically-trained self trying to figure out how omega, a girl, is a clone of Jango Fett

[methylphenidatedreams]

had a dream where people who'd only heard of sherlock and joan assumed sherlock was a woman

[officialpenisenvy]

the estrogen-based endocrine systemerrrrrrrr

[tkbrokkoli]

ive had now 2 ppl ask me if im transitioning bc i like women. ????? like. wtf are you talking abt??????

a) the mere thought that you'd want to be a man bc you like women makes my brain short circuit

and b) im bi. i do not only like women.

also c) why do you assume that id change myself so someone else would like me. like. what???? that's not how attraction and being in a good relationship full of mutual respect works

[boyfear]

not sure qhy i feel more comfortable saying this to like 40 strangers on here instead of toanyone else but my body has apparently decided my first T result is gomna be toe hair. slay

[scary-ivy]

I'm still getting she/her'd in places where they should be able to figure it out by now, but I take solace in the fact that if people are seeing me as a woman then they're seeing me as extremely butch

[spaceymarz]

JUNGKOOK FOR VOGUE KOREA

YOU'RE JOKING

YOU'RE JOE KING

[somekindafairy]

god im just completely oping out of the fem/masc dichotomy from now on.

im just so tired.

like before i started t i had several people describe me as fem (both as "feminine" and as "a femme") since going on t i've had multiple instances of being described as masculine or referred to as masc.

and never once in any of these cases have i felt like they were saying something true or accurate about me.

(also feels noticable that this shift happened when i started hormones and not when i changed my clothes or hair or pronouns or self description words)

[weirdshrimphours]

i love blocking people being annoying on my hair loss post <3 if you cant accept that being nasty to people about androgenic hair loss is an intersectional issue and COMPLETELY inappropriate just keep movin'! i don't wanna hear it <3 keep ur lack of empathy and appearance-based opinions to urself <3

[avengersprincess]

Most common queer™️ occurrence recently is am I attracted to this person or do I want their gender presentation??