#the boob-death-monster-alien thing???

[malintzyn]

anime is normally horny - i understand this

and usually i dont watch the overly horny ones, it bores me and is mostly kinda uncomfortable.

but i didnt expect this anime to be THIS horny (even if the first thing they talked abt was the preference of ass over boobs(and All they talk about is BOOBS))

yet i am so fucking captivated

its funny, its weird, its beautiful, its so STUPID!!

overall, this is a great show!

[eaglefairy]

We started xenoblade 2 last night! The liveblog tag will change to "roommate chronicles part 2" now. My thoughts on 2 are...complicated. (You can see #alrestposting for more on that.) But I'm looking forward to experiencing it with my roommate and seeing it through new eyes! (Quick note: anytime there's a quote without a tag, it's from my roommate. I figured this was just easier than trying to summarize what she was saying.)

(during the opening cutscene) "Space whale!!" Me: Dead space whale...

"Enough of that existential crisis stuff, we need to make money!"

"Bana?? Chairman Bana?? Is that our Bana?!" Me: "It's Bana if he got what he wanted." Roommate: ... Me: "It's Bana if he owned this whole airship."

Roommate: "Jabba?? Is he Jabba the Hutt???"

"Rex you idiot. You don't even know what the job is."

(While Jin is talking) "What is happening here..."

"Why is this dialogue so unreal. Like why is it so strange."

Rurui appeared on screen and I just started laughing Me: "He looks like an among us..." Roommate: "...Oh, he does."

So far she's pretty annoyed by every character except for Dromarch.

We finally got a good look at Nia and: Roommate: "There are catgirls now?"

"Rex, you didn't even ask what they're trying to find! What if they're trying to unearth a demon or a monster or a god?!"

"Jin, can I ask about the mask? I'm an impertinent 15-year-old, can I ask why you're wearing a mask?"

"Whoa, Sever looks cool. Is that one of the new alien species, what're they called?" Me: "They're called Blades." Me: "Dromarch is also a Blade." Roommate: "Huh???"

"It's a demon! I knew it! We're hauling up a doomsday device!"

She said she'd be willing to believe that the salvagers are evil and the Monoceros ("black ship from the harbor") are secret good guys which is like. ha.

"It's a god. It's chthulu. We're pulling up a god."

(I mean the fun "fun" part is that Mythra and Pyra would absolutely agree with the description of doomsday device. And in fact are just as against this right now as my roommate is.)

"I'm not gonna lie. The white guy [Jin]? He's hot. I don't trust him. I haven't even seen his face. But he's hot."

This is Dickson all over again. This is amazing I love it.

[activating the control panel] "We're about to meet god." [sees the Aligo boss in the next room] "What the hell is that." Me: "Not the god you were expecting?" "What is this...man-shark?"

Game: "That's...the Aegis." Roommate: "Nope, that's the Monado. Easy mistake to make."

"Oh, we're not dead. We're in heaven? Are we going to meet god now?" [sees Pyra in the distance] "Jesus? Mother?"

I forgot how much this game doesn't explain things at the beginning. So far she's asked me "what's a Blade?", "what's a Driver?", and "what's the Aegis?", which are all very fair questions considering how many fantasy proper nouns the game throws at you with no explanation

"Yay Nia! I knew you were good!"

"If you hurt my grandpa I'm killing you."

We agreed that xc2 really needs its own Sword Valley prologue. Xc1 starts strong with the opening lore cutscene from the Titans' antiquity going straight into the battle, and only then cutting to the slice-of-life stuff with Shulk. My roommate admitted that so far she's bored by the game because it starts so slow, which is exactly the problem I had with it 7 years ago!

Oh yeah, she really hates the tutorial narrator. She's calling it Navi and giving it a high annoying voice.

The roommate was touched by Gramp's death scene (until he was revealed to be alive)

Me: "Ever have your mentor figure turn into a mascot?" "...They turned my dragon into a mouse."

"Did that boob just jiggle?" Me: "Oh, you'd better believe it."

The squeal of delight I just heard when I showed her how to play as Nia riding on Dromarch made the past 2 hours completely worth it. "I'm never playing as Rex again, he's LAME!"

[braincoins]

Unusual Halloween Movies

Tired of Jason, Freddy, and Michael? Want something new this year? Boy, do I have some treats lined up for you! I’ve used JustWatch to list the streaming options (though these are US streaming options; I maaaaay be up for some streaming fun on Halloween...). I’ll tell you right now, this list can almost perfectly be broken into three categories: Horror-Comedy, Sci-Fi Horror, or International Horror.

American Mary -  A medical student drowning under tuition debt finds a lucrative practice when she enters the world of body modification. ngl, I remember liking this movie but it’s been a bit since I saw it, so for the CONTENT WARNINGS I’m going to straight up rip the MPAA here: Rated R for strong aberrant violent content including disturbing images, torture, a rape, sexual content, graphic nudity, language and brief drug use

Ava’s Possessions - Ever wonder what life is like once all your demons have been exorcised - literally? Now that Ava is free of the demon that once possessed her, she’s out of a job, down a few friends, and facing charges for the acts of violence her demon did. The only way to get out of trouble is to go to the demon-equivalent of AA. CONTENT WARNINGS: mostly blood and bad language; some mild sexual content 

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon - A journalism grad student interviews a young man in training to be the next slasher killer, ala Jason/Freddy/Michael. An absolute treat of a movie for anyone who loves slasher films; it’s about 3/4 mockumentary, 1/4 actual horror film when she realizes that, no, really, he’s going to go kill all those co-eds. CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, naked boobs (”Ugh. Is that REALLY necessary?” “Now, Taylor, who’s telling this story?”), sex, occasional panty shots (because, again, slasher films). 

Bubba Ho-Tep - OH MAN another one I had to go back and add in ‘cause REALLY NOW. Elvis is in a nursing home (at least, he says he’s the real Elvis) and he and JFK (who is played by Ossie Davis - who you will note is NOT white) have to fight off a resurrected mummy who sucks the souls of the living out of their assholes. Bruce Campbell stars. HOW IS THAT NOT AWESOME ENOUGH FOR YOU?! CONTENT WARNING: Um... look, I think you kinda already know what sort of content to expect given what I just told you about the story.

Bulbbul (Netflix Original) -  (Hindi Language) During the 19th century Bengali Presidency, something - or someone? - is haunting the woods around a lord’s estate, killing men in gruesome ways. The lord has left his estate in charge of his young wife, while his younger brother, who’d been away studying in London, returns to hunt down whatever is causing these mysterious deaths. CONTENT WARNINGS: child bride, blood, and what Netflix calls “sexual violence”, meaning a rape scene so graphic (despite not showing any nudity or genitalia) that it is GUARANTEED to make you uncomfortable. The movie was written and directed by a woman, so there is nothing intended to be “sexy” about this at all. If you can make it through that scene, though, there is a definite payoff for it. (Or should I say “payback”?)

Eli (Netflix Original) - A young, incredibly sick boy with a fragile immune system is brought by his parents to a clinic for an experimental treatment that may be their last hope. But all is not as it seems within the walls of this place... perhaps literally. CONTENT WARNINGS: mostly just language, a few mild jump scares. People get set on fire at one point. No biggie. 

Errementari: the Blacksmith and the Devil (Netflix Original) - (Basque Language) Based on a Basque folk tale. Eight years after the First Carlist War, a government official comes to a small, impoverished Basque town asking after the blacksmith. Everyone tries to warn him away; the blacksmith is an evil, evil man. But he is on the trail of some Carlist gold that might be in the smithy, and the prospect of the gold wins him some helpers. And while everyone is distracted by that, a young orphan girl manages to get onto the blacksmith’s property. And what she finds there, no one could have expected... CONTENT WARNINGS: I took a screenshot of Netflix’s list of warnings just because it amuses me:

[sings “One of these things is not like the others...”]

Europa Report - Look, I really can’t recommend this enough for fans of found-footage features and people who can stand slower-paced, constantly-building terror. An international mission is sent to investigate Europa, one of the moons of Jupiter. (Those of you who are fans of real-world space exploration know that Europa is considered a prime target for extraterrestrial life within our solar system.) Contact was lost with the mission for a long time, until the data streams came flooding into Earth all at once. And what they showed... CONTENT WARNINGS: Like I said: slower pace than most horror/thriller movies. It builds slow and steady. There’s really not much in the way of blood and gore, though; an excellent example of terror without resorting to buckets of red corn syrup.

Event Horizon - Hellraiser in Space? Hellraiser in Space. Except the Lamentation Configuration is a fucking SPACE SHIP. Also, props for genre-savvy cast. CONTENT WARNINGS: EYE SCREAM. Blood, gore, and, no really, THE EYE THING. Did I mention the gore and the blood? Oh, and language. And blink-and-you-miss it nudity & sex.

Grabbers - Strange creatures are attacking a small Irish coastal town and the only way to protect yourself is... to be drunk? CONTENT WARNINGS: I mean, it’s Irish and everyone’s drunk, so bad language (by American standards) is a given. That’s... really about it, unless you have a tentacle phobia.

Green Room -  An up-and-coming punk band show up to play a gig and realize too late that they’re playing at a Neo-Nazi club. And when they happen to see something they... really shouldn’t have, it becomes an all-out fight for survival. Same director as Murder Party, though this movie was made later with a much better budget. CONTENT WARNINGS: Violence, blood, gore, and yes, some dogs die because they were trained to be vicious attack dogs by Neo-Nazis. :( Also, the most important content warning of all? PATRICK STEWART PLAYS A NEO-NAZI. (You think I’m joking, but for someone who grew up with him as Jean-Luc Picard, it is downright unsettling to see, okay?)

Life - Think Alien meets Europa Report (above). The six-member crew of the International Space Station are given a sample from Mars that might contain actual extraterrestrial life.  CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood. No, let me say that again: BLOOD. Sounds of bones breaking. Alien creature entering someone’s mouth and killing them from the inside (probably through a combination of choking them/asphyxiating them on their own blood/devouring their blood? It’s not clear, it’s just UNSETTLING).

Murder Party - This is what happens when snobby art school brats try to kill someone. (Read: it doesn’t go well.) Fuckin’ bop of a Halloween song over the end credits, too. Also, at least two characters are canonically bisexual. Same director as Green Room, though this movie was made first (with a much lower budget). CONTENT WARNINGS: bad language, blood, gore, nudity, mild sexual content (the nudity is supposed to be “artistic”). The dog probably DOES die, given the circumstances, but it doesn’t happen on screen, at least? And the dog gets some pretty decent comeuppance first... Also, 1000000% accurate cat representation. 

The Perfection (Netflix Original) - A former cello virtuoso (virtuosa?) gets in touch with her former teacher and meets his new star pupil. An instant connection is formed between the two women... or is it? (Yes, there are lesbians!) CONTENT WARNINGS: oh chaos, where do I start? Bugs under the skin, hacking off body parts, blood, gore, mild sexual content, sexual abuse, and the movie itself is complete and utter MINDFUCKERY. Did you like “Tales from the Crypt” as a kid? You’ll probably dig this. 

Ravenous - With apologies to all Native Americans, but at least they did get actual Native American actors for those parts (George is played by a Pueblo actor; his sister Martha is played by an actress of Menominee and Stockbridge-Munsee descent). A soldier who won a questionable victory during the Mexican-American war is given a hero’s status and then an exile to a remote fort in the Sierra Nevadas. Not long after he arrives, a would-be settler arrives with a harrowing tale, calling for help for what few survivors there are of his wagon train. The two friendly Native Americans at the fort issue warnings that go unheeded, of course. CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, cannibalism, PTSD.

Slither - James Gunn’s 2006 Feature Movie Directorial Debut! He wrote it, too. An homage to B-movie gore flicks like you’d see at the drive-in. I am just copying and pasting the IMDB summary ‘cause I love this movie too much to be concise about it: A small town is taken over by an alien plague, turning residents into zombies and all forms of mutant monsters. (Oh, but don’t forget the nasty, slithery blood worm things!) CONTENT WARNINGS: Nasty, slithery blood worm things. GORE, BLOOD, GORE, GORE. A very uncomfortable sex scene. Michael Rooker.

They’re Watching - An American TV crew filming what is essentially “House Hunters: Eastern Europe” stumble into superstitions, folklore, and... TERROR!! MWAHAHAHAHA. No, seriously, I LOVE how it’s basically “What if some HGTV crew wound up waaaaaaaay in over their heads, in a horrible and bloody way?” CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, and NO WI-FI.

[stvlti]

10 female characters tag

@timothydraike tagged me to post 10 favourite female characters from 10 different fandoms and then tag 10 people, but honestly this list isn't gonna be too different from my 10 fave characters list cause most of them are women anyway 😂 😂 but here you go:

Nausicäa // Nausicäa of the Valley of the Wind, Studio Ghibli

I didn't explain it last time, but I feel like she is the prototype for all the Ghibli girl heroines, free and autonomous, except she's a young woman who knows exactly what she believes in and wants to do. She's a warrior princess who believes in peace and kindness rather than war; she listens to mother nature and tends to her garden as deftly as she handles her glider jet; she's a born leader who puts her subjects' wellbeing before her own immediate safety. This gif here shows the moment she took of her own gas mask to boost morale while they're crashing into a toxic wasteland. I don't think I've seen many representations of female leadership as compelling and utterly human as hers was before or after this film debuted in popular media.

Harley Quinn // DCU

She's a bundle of contradictions but it's in that I find a female antivillain/antihero that feels real. Her stocky build and bit of chub in the tummy area? Real. Her slobbish habits and love for nasty junk food? Real. Her all encompassing empathy for animal welfare? Real. Disregarding the artists that draw her with too big boobs, she's so ordinary in her appearance and habits that it actually feels like she's the kind of girl that media often overlooks. She's like the manic pixie dream girl but rounded out with relatable human traits.

Tsunemori Akane // Psycho-Pass

I related to her when I was 20 (exactly her age at the start of the series) because I was at a crossroads in life, just as she was. I was searching for my calling, just as she was trying to understand her purpose and place in society. And at that point in my life, I could appreciate the duality between abiding by the system (legal reformation) and questioning the system (dipping into revolutionary ideas). I can't see myself relating to a cop anymore now obviously, but she's a rather unique figure that I still think about.

Ava // Ex Machina (2014), filmblr

She brings out all my post-humanist sympathies. And I think she captures a sort of queer android and Other perspective, one that the male characters feel threatened by, that women can understand well.

Maeve Millay // Westworld

She's my murder mom. Something something about "I've died a thousand times, I'm not afraid of death" (I'm paraphrasing majorly), she's so badass. The fact that she was one of the first androids to awaken and actually challenge the humans, there's so much power in her taking her trauma in stride and moving forward nonetheless. And I think you can see a recurring theme here lolol

Lois Lane (Gotham City Garage) // DCU Elseworlds

Perhaps this is just preserving a core attribute of her main continuity counterpart, but I absolutely adore the spirit she embodies of journalists who stay defiantly committed to truth and justice in the face of insurmountable odds. Fighting against a fascist terror regime - which hits very close to home - and keeping the broadcast going even out in the wasteland. In this last aspect she carries similarities to Dr. Death Defying's character from Gerard Way's Killjoys series, except she's a woman and she was actually fleshed out as a character with a heart and soul and a lot of gravitas. How can you not love her?

(and I forgot this was supposed to be 10 characters from 10 different fandoms until I finished this list but let's say her being an Elseworlds character counts as a different fandom 🤡🤡)

Ripley // Alien (even tho Sigourney Weaver's personal politics is a bit yikes)

The proto-final girl and original warrior mother in sci-fi wrapped into one. (Ok, the crown for modern scifi warrior mother might have to go to Sarah Connor actually, but that's also another Cameron invention so they can share that title.) Even tho I can't relate to most of her character arc, I'm still very impressed by her character. They even touch on her PTSD a little which is unheard of in the contemporary movies at the time.

Honorary mention: Sarah Connor // Terminator

Marceline the Vampire Queen // Adventure Time

Not the original goth gf, but she is a goth gf. Gay and aesthetics aside, I really liked that the show let her be a bit weird and gross (which she should be considering she's kind of undead) and her tragic backstory gets me every time. The best thing is she's still a big softie, who takes good care of Ice King / Simon when he's around; you don't see that kind of (grand)daughter character in media much.

Beverly Marsh // It (2017)

I haven't read the book but tbh I liked the agency the first movie awarded her enough that I'm afraid of jeopardising it; I don't like how the book portrays / handles her sexuality. She is a survivor of csa, but she's a fighter regardless. I like that about her.

Darlene Alderson // Mr. Robot

I honestly debated putting her on this list again since I haven't seen a single Mr. Robot episode in so long, but I do remember her character being given her own arc in S2 (and onwards I suppose) and she's a little fucked up in her own way. People look at Rami's character and get sucked in sorting through his alters but Darlene is no less complex - damaged, dangerous, and compelling.

Other honorary mentions:

Riko Sheridan // DCU (an Asian girl who isn't infantilised or reduced to the model minority? shocker!)

Missy // Colette (2018), filmblr (she's actually a real historical figure so I'm not sure if she counts. But she's so radical and ahead of her time - in fact the film seems to suggest she prefers he/him pronouns. I have never seen such intriguing butch representation and I just fell in love with her character. Worth a watch.)

Jo March // Little Women (2019), filmblr (since we're talking about historical women... well, she's a period film character but not a real one, but she's highly evocative of certain female experiences in much the same way)

Blue // The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (so I didn't wanna crowd this list with too many android ladies but she's the first queer android girl character I came across and I loved her instantly. Too bad they buried her gay but her entire concept is my aesthetic)

Rem // Death Note (I feel like I'm obligated to mention DN, too bad it has shitty writing wrt female characters, that's why I have no choice but to stan the lesbian monster gf friend who is so in love with her gal pal she would die for her. Ugh, poetic cinema)

Ok now I am gonna tag @lawliyeeeet @sweetgloss @dressed-to-keehl @3dnygma @hikenacedabi and anyone else who wants to I guess

[theliterarywolf]

So, Let’s Talk ‘Love Death and Robots’ (Episodes 1-9)

Netflix's newest foray into the world of adult-oriented animation Love Death and Robots is one more nail in the coffin of the notion that any adult cartoon has to suck off the teat of Family Guy or South Park.

The spiritual successor to the 80s sci-fi animation anthology Heavy Metal (in more ways than one, since LDaR was originally supposed to be a Heavy Metal reboot but lack of funding and copyright hell got in the way), Love Death and Robots gives us 18 different short stories brought to the screen in the medium of animation that range in all emotions from shock, horror, disgust, sympathy, hope, and, yes, even sadness.

Just like I did with Season 4 of Black Mirror, I am going to give my personal thoughts on each segment for those who want to know what they're getting into. However, since each of the stories in Love Death and Robots only range between 8 and 17 minutes, I will not go into spoilers.

Also, to do things a bit differently, I will also add in the ratings of 'Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?', to reveal if the sci-fi elements in a story were prominent or if it was more fantasy-oriented, and 'Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?' to reveal, well, just that.

Tl:Dr – I personally found Love Death and Robots to be a very-much welcome breath of fresh air to both the fields of adult animation and anthology shows. I forget what medium/site posted it but there's the sentiment of Love Death and Robots being what Black Mirror has been striving to be for its past two seasons.

And, yes, that comment is pretty damn appropriate. Love Death and Robots elegantly combines the darkness and unease of the technological unknown of the scientific condition with looks at the human condition as well as snarky dark humor. If you can stand blood, gore, and the occasional female-presenting nipple, you should definitely give it a watch.

And now, for the actual thoughts on each story individually. Remember, no spoilers.

Episode 1 - Sonnie's Edge

Be still, my Teratophile heart. Love Death and Robots' first entry hits the ground running, slashing, and biting with a strong female character and the dismal underground world that she’s successfully made her bitch. The first half of this short grabs you and doesn't let go until the second half starts and, admittedly, slows things down. Breathtaking for sure, Sonnie's Edge isn't my personal favorite of the anthology, but I can definitely see where a good chunk of the money went for LDaR.

… I also see this story getting the same treatment by tumblr that this website did to the San Junipiero episode of Black Mirror.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Bio-Mechanical Engineering of minor-kaiju type monsters. Also, the mental link software used for fighters to connect with said creations.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes to a TV series of Sonnie's Edge. Unlike some of the other stories in LDaR, the nuances and universe set up by the brief glance we got would work wonders if worked into a 12 episode show.

Episode 2 – Three Robots

In the biggest full-frontal flip of tone, Three Robots yanks us out of the grimy Cyberpunk future of Episode 1, to a comedic look at a post-apocalyptic one with our titular three robots taking a sight-seeing tour through a long-decimated city. Discussions are had about human nature from a neutral, but still comical, outside point of view and that's all I will say because, going any further will bring in spoilers.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Three of them, in fact, each representing a different aspect of robotics: one sleek and cold-looking, one humanoid with a neutral face, and the human-friendly models.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

Honestly... No. The story, as well as its ending serve their purpose best at the length and scope it has in its run-time.

Episode 3 – The Witness

'Yeah, but –'

No.

'If you just –'

No.

'It really is one of the best on--'

NAH, G, THIS AIN'T IT!

There needs to be a phrase: 'Cool Universe; Shit Story, Brah' to slap onto pieces of media that have a great aesthetic and a great universe on display... But just an awful story.

Because The Witness fits that phrase to a tee. If anything, the only aspect that The Witness has going for it is the stark color scheme against the dismal urban landscape and the sex.

Lots. And. Lots of boob-shots and bush-shots in this one, folks.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Did it? I don't even know what kind of technology was displayed in this episode. Apartment-based leather sex-clubs?

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

This would probably have been much better if it had an hour or so to build up the characters and the twist rather than flashing everything at a breakneck pace and forcing us to sit through a drag of a story.

Episode 4 – Suits 

(No gif for this one; tumblr, you guys are slacking)

Best. In. Fucking. Show.

This one is definitely one of my top two favorites for the entire series. Everything is there: character, universe, writing, it's all great. Especially since, considering that it follows the 'Last Stand' trope and it would have been extremely easy for the writers to go 100% grim and miserable.

No, that... * sigh * that comes later.

You like farmers? You like mechas? You like farmers in mechas fighting aliens? You will now!

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Yes, several of them!

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

If we ever got to a point where Pixar made films for adult audiences, a feature-length look at the universe of Suits would be the vein they would need to hit.

Just maybe with a less noticeable frame-rate 'style'.

I'd also like to add this: a lot of people these days seem to have the issue with sci-fi and fantasy-oriented media because they feel as though they only cater to kids/teens (either the characters will be 'young adults fighting “teh systemzz” or high school bullshit). That and the worlds depicted don't draw anyone in due to how... unrelatable they are.

The fact that the characters in Suits are your typical hard-working, middle-aged farmers just trying to live their lives... while still having to fight carnivorous aliens in mecha-suits re-purposed from farming equipment really makes the short seem that much more human.

Episode 5 – Sucker of Souls

(No gif, again...)

Oh boy! The Castlevania Cinematic Universe looks great!

Seriously, this was the first moment during my viewing of LDaR were I was left wondering 'I thought... this was a sci-fi anthology..?'

That being said, though, I'm always a sucker for unique hand-drawn animation and the abrasiveness of the characters flow nicely together. Even though you can pretty much tell, at the five minute mark, that things may not end up too well, it's a fun ride in the same vein as the Brendan Fraser Mummy films.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Well, you see, the thing is, I – No.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

It probably could be a good Adult Swim animated series (in the same vein as The Venture Bros). But, other than that, it stands fine on its own.

Episode 6 – When the Yogurt Took Over

(Gif not from the show but still appropriate)

This... Seems to be the dividing point for a lot of people in regards to LDaR. You have a lot of people saying 'Oh, this one was dumb; it didn't make sense' or 'the animation was too cute to be so gruesome'.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. However, a lot of the people complaining that it was dumb or didn't make sense probably didn't grow up with the same dark comedy/gallows humor that many of us did/have sought out. Things like Little Shop of Horrors, Dr. Strangelove, Sayonara Zetsubou-sensei, Dead Like Me, Metalocalypse, Black Dynamite (the animated series), and others that I can't find right now because Google keeps trying to recommend me to Family Guy of all things when I type in my searches.

The story here is short, poignant, and pretty close to home despite the title giving you what you're getting on the tin.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Not really a robot... But the scientists in the story were working with genetic engineering. So, there you go.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

Mm... No. This is another 'watch it as is and get the best effect' story.

One more thing, though: The Narrator of this story is none other than Maurice LaMarche.

Mother-fucking BRAIN from Pinky and the Brain!

Episode 7 – Beyond the Aquila Rift

It is... so hard to do Cosmic Horror correctly in recent times. The notion of creating tales that show just how small we are in the grand-scheme of the sleeping nightmare behemoths who keep the universe running in the space between their frantic thoughts... Is overwhelming to a lot of people. So a lot of first-time attempts at it ultimately fail.

This story, Beyond the Aquila Rift, is one of my favorite entries to LDaR. Right up there with Suits.

And I will leave it at that.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Space-travel, hibernation gel/tubes, space-stations.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

And even that is a hard maybe because while you could build up the characters and their relationships a bit more, the resolution of this story works fine either way.

Episode 8 – Good Hunting

Is... Issat – Is that GOOD Steampunk in front of me? Oh Lord, it's been years! More hand-drawn animation for this one but the way it melds not only technology, magic, imperialism, and friendship but still incorporates the message that technology and progress can be used for great good and great evil... It depends on the morality of those wielding/pushing for it... Is really a high point in both writing and execution.

The animation, especially whenever the technological aspect comes in, really shines.

… You know, in hindsight, that last line could be seen in bad taste.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

The whole set-up is British Imperialist forces bringing Steampunk and subjugation to China. So, yeah, a lot of copper and a lot of steam in here.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

I know I've been shoving everything into 'could shine as a film on its own' category, but Good Hunting really is the type of story I would love to see expanded out and directed by someone like the late Satoshi Kon (Paranoia Agent, Paprika, Millennium Actress).

Episode 9 – The Dump

(Honestly, I’m not even sad that I can’t find a gif for this one)

This one... Ah... This one.

I ... Hm.

Y-you want to see old, dangly redneck penis? Y-you see old, dangly redneck penis for a good few seconds in this one.

But, yeah, this one is definitely... a story. Your typical 'stuffy white-guy pencil-pusher comes to scare old, grungy countryman off of his land/old, grungy countryman decides to tell stuffy white-guy pencil-pusher the story of why he's on said land...

And to go any further would be spoilers.

It's not bad, it's just... Interesting.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Well, it depends. Do you see pollution as more an aspect of sci-fi or an aspect of socioeconomic discussion?

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

I don't think anyone would want to see more of this story in either form, truth be told. It exists fine on its own.

And that's Part 1 of my little write-up on Love Death and Robots. This got a little long so I'll be posting Part 2 tomorrow and linking it HERE when I do! Seriously, if you can you should definitely watch the series and support some good adult animation so Netflix will push for more stuff like LDaR, Bojack Horseman, Aggretsuko, and The Kirlian Frequency... And less stuff like that damn 'Brickleberry But They're COOOPS This Time~!!'

[twitchesandstitches]

i’m starting to think about Nickel, the minicon medic to the Decepticon Justice Division from IDW, and I have a few thoughts for her.

firstly, her appearance. It will shift depending on what her alt mode might actually be (a surgical table at minimum), but considering how Transformers are larger her, she probably stands about 12 feet tall as a Minicon. She might have taken to wearing a power loader she integrates into, like a living mech suit for smaller Transformers, and this brings her size to about 35 feet. In her base form, she’s a shortstack, her boobs and backside nearly massive as much as her whole body. Very big hips, but compact body otherwise; she tends to compress herself so she can use the additional mass for something else.

her affiliation is another matter. as a Decepticon, she is notable for being downright ecstatic about murdering organics and cheerfully wants to commit genocide on all aliens; given her suffering at organic hands, its not surprising she is so vindictive, but it sets a poor track record. And as a member of the DJD... well, they are infamous for torturing other Decepticons to death for being insufficiently zealous to Megatron. And she is one of them.

When Megatron fell, the DJD followed him, Nickel included, drinking deep of the corrupted blood of Unicron, and inviting her curse into themselves. Nickel became a Terrorcon; a Transformer akin to a vampire, drinking of the Energon of other beings, and also their blood and life-force. She’s intelligent and self-aware, like the others, and has given her rapacity full reign, cheerfully feasting upon all organics she wants, and commands a horde of terrorcons and zombies she has devoured and recreated. The other members of the DJD exist as, effectively vampire Decepticon nobility worshiping the evil goddess Unicron; she does not follow the religion, but follows her friends in a dark form of found family, and is eager to slake her monstrous appetites upon all the multiverse.

(This one is the most likely! Her being intelligent means she can be used in various things; she would most likely be an antagonist for obvious reasons, or used as a rival predator.)

3. Sweetness Hiding Darkness. A combination of the above two ideas; Nickel is an intelligent terrorcon, but who hides her nature and lives in one of the other factions. Most likely she would be in the Cartels, who are corrupt enough that organics going missing near her would not be notable, and give them some diversity; she serves as a surgeon, but prefers to work on other robots and machinery, making her something of an engineer as well. She is working to steer the Cartels to serve Megatron’s interests, and is creating a cult to Unicron within the Cartel’s ranks. Given their nihilistic approach, this is unlikely to draw attention even if it was made public.

Nickel, in this last scenario, is a cheerful and playful fembot, and this conceals the monster she truly is; a ravenous predator who conceals her aggression in candid nastiness and domineering attitudes. She’s very good at hiding her true nature, and her alt modes tend to be equally subversive; they tend to be seemingly innocent things that can rapidly turn lethal, such as capsules that can open into a mass of tendrils and teeth, a small car to trick organics into her, and a large robotic rabbit that can turn violent very quickly.

She is terrified of one thing however: Grimlock. While he is not presently aware of her status, she once witnessed him and his clan tearing apart a whole ship of ‘Cons, slaughtering them all without mercy or restraint (as the ‘Cons had shown to the organics they had murdered), and even now, the sheer brutality eclipses the torture she has seen. She does NOT want to face him under any circumstances, and is terrified of fighting him. It’s a little personal, because Grimlock has sworn to kill the Decepticon Justice Division, and that includes her by proxy. But she’s protective of her friends, too.

What good left in her is largely demonstrated in her genuine love for the rest of the DJD!

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

Love, Death & Robots.

Can I just say, how happy it makes me, that the anthology series is back?

I mean, Love, Death & Robots isn‘t the first by a long shot … but still, I am glad that this art form is back. It lends itself so very beautifully to the telling of small stories.

I lnow I am late on the band wagon, but this is my hot take on Love, Death & Robots. Just fresh of bingeing it. No reflection just feeling … or in other words, the result of rubbing my last two sleep deprived braincells together.

It‘s just my opinion, nothing more.

On the technical side of things …

This show is fucking gorgeous. The style usually goes with the general tone of the story, all of them competently and craft fully realized. The same goes for the voice work, the sound design and the soundtrack.

On a side note, diversity is so so, could be better but could be worse … I‘d say average …

It‘s definitely NC-17. Blood, gore, violence, sex and lovingly rendered co**s. We have it all. If you are sensible … you might want to skip some of the stories …

Beware … here there be spoilers

"Sonnie's Edge"

A woman named Sonnie remotely controls a genetically-engineered monster in underground gladiatorial battles. A rich man offers her a lot of money to lose, but she refuses. After she wins the combat, he comes back to make her pay, only to discover he got things very wrong.

I really liked the concept of the story, though not so much the execution. I am just not a huge fan of the „live begins at rape“-trope and I thought that backstory element was rather clumsily handled. I also feel like we could have reached the same twist wit a different backstory …

It‘s a really great twist.

I mean, I am not to clever, maybe you‘ll see it coming a mile away … but I still think it‘s a good twist …

Carefull, gore and boobs …

"Three Robots"

After the destruction of humanity, three robots take a vacation tour around seemingly abandoned city, trying to understand how humans lived based on their limited knowledge of them and the things they left behind. The surprise comes when they met a cat.

It‘s exactly what it says on the tin. It is sweet, adorable, funny … surprisingly meta in it‘s message, without getting too heavy handed, it has kittens … I love it.

If you have problems with skulls, skip it, there a loads of it here …

"The Witness"

A woman witnesses a murder in a building in front of the hotel where she is staying. She flees from him through a surreal city.

What it say on the tin. The twist isn‘t really a surprise if you pay attention, but it‘s a case of blink and you miss it.

I like the concept a lot and the execution was alright …

Nudity … lots of it … also blood … so, if that is a no, for you … skip it. Otherwise, I really like the twist … I say that a lot …

"Suits"

A small community of farmers pilot mech suits to defend their land from an invading swarm of insectoid aliens.

Again, what it says on the tin … a little heavy handed with the characterization, but they have only minutes to establish them, so that‘s O.K. for me. The characters are all very sweet and caring … not so much a twist ending as a WTF moment.

The violence is relatively tame … maybe PG 13, if you can stomach alien blood and a major character death …

"Sucker of Souls"

Awakened by an archaeological excavation, a bloodthirsty demon fights a crew of mercenaries.

What‘s on the tin.

I really liked this one. I like the  archaeologist, I like the mercenaries, … The ending is a bit … not disappointing … but you feel a bit cheated.

I also feel like this could work very well as Terror AU, with Goodsir being the archaeologist and the mercenaries being Crozier, fem-Blanky and … maybe Fitzjames …

The actual gore … rather graphic, though the style isn‘t hyper realistic … if you‘re sensible, definitely skip this one …

"When The Yogurt Took Over"

Yogurt developed by scientists becomes sentient and takes over the world.

What can I ay? It‘s what‘s on the tin.

Rather tame, except for a few moments of very dark humor … the style is very cartoony, so … not for the faint of heart maybe, but it should be fine for most people.

"Beyond the Aquila Rift"

Blue Goose's crew—Thom, Suzy, and Ray—are on a mission to reach beyond the Aquila Rift, but an error in the routing plot causes unexpected events to happen.

Sort of, what it says on the tin … but not …

I really liked it, … not particularly gory per see except for a quick scene … but if you hate spiders, definitely stay away … also boobs …

This one would also make for a great Terror AU, with Crozier as the Captain and Sophia as his long lost acquaintance …

"Good Hunting"

In early 20th century China, a boy becomes friends with a shape-shifting huli jing after his father kills the huli jing's mother. Years later, living in a steampunk Hong-Kong, they find each other again.

I really like the idea behind this … the thought  that magic can not exists in a world full of iron and steam. I loved that concept back in Lords and Lady's and I still love it.

I just could have done without the sex trafficking …

I‘d prefer d if she‘d just gotten a new body on her own terms, … Because I really like the concept that she has to change herself completely in order to control this new magic …

Definitely not for the faint of heart … what‘s on the screen is upsetting enough … the implications even more so …

Also, lots of nudity …

"The Dump"

A city inspector tries to convince Ugly Dave to move out of his house which is located in a dump. However, Dave and his pet are not intent on doing so.

This one was wearing tapp shoes … but I still like it … its cute … and dark … sensible people … maybe skip it …

Nudity … death and gore … also a puppy …

"Shape-Shifters"

Two close friends in the Marines with supernatural powers have to fight one of their own in Afghanistan.

Whats on the tin. Short, sweet, heartbreaking … gore … major character death … Nudity

"Helping Hand"

An astronaut faces a life or death situation after an accident while spacewalking in orbit. Now she has to decide, arm or live …

This was a hard one for me to watch … not so much for the gore … there is none … but just seeing her being so brave and inventive and … so so fucked … it was a hell of a ride, for me it was worth it …

God damn she is awesome!

"Fish Night"

Two salesmen get stuck in the desert, and discover that the desert is not what it seems at night.

I love it!

I loved the concept wen Pratchett came up with it for wee free men … where he mentioned it in a throw away line … and I was angry at myself for days, that I never came up with it myself …

Spooky, pretty … bloody … there was a shark … Nudity

I was sad, but I‘ll definitely give it a rewatch …

This doesn't so much work as an entire Terror AU, but I feel like, the concept does lend itself easily to being used with Silna …

"Lucky 13"

A pilot recalls her missions aboard the dropship Lucky 13, which had already lost two crews before.

Boy did I cry at this one … bit gory … and onions, so many onions … who the fuck needs so many onions at this time of night?

But yeah, I have a thing for ships … sue me …

"Zima Blue"

A reclusive artist gives a final interview after 100 years.

I love this … the style is very stylized and lends itself beautiful to the story … ah … I think this is even something for the faint of heart … also, in my case onions …

"Blindspot"

A cyborg crew attempts to rob a convoy.

What‘s on the tin, pretty straight forward … nothing special … but I feel that is less the stories fault and more the fact that it is simply outclassed among all the others …

Violent, but cartoony … so … no idea … proceed with caution?

"Ice Age"

A couple who just moved into the apartment finds a civilization inside an antique refrigerator.

What‘s on the tin.

Really sweet, really cute … cute couple … I feel like, some of the lines could have used one more rewrite, but that is me nitpicking. I really liked it, it was awesome, definitely gonna rewatch it … I feel like this is even for the faint of heart …

It is also very refreshing to see a married couple just hanging out together … love it

"Alternate Histories"

Multiversity, an alternative history research simulation app, shows the viewer the death of Adolf Hitler in 6 different timelines on their welcome demo.

I feel like Douglas Adams came back from the dead to write this … I get defined Hitchhiker vibes.

Ah … dark, but super cartoony, so the violence is rather tame … still, not G rated, despite the style … Nudity

I liked it a lot …

"Secret War"

A platoon of Red Army soldiers hunt down the undead in the forests of Siberia.

What it say on the tin.

The style is super realistic, so nothing for the faint of heart. Blood, gore … more blood, more gore …

I liked it …

And, is it just me, or is the Lieutenant the spitting image of John Morfin?

This would make an amazing Terror AU, you pretty much only have to change the names … even the Lieutenants second gives me Collins vibes …

I hope I got all the Nudity, but there is a lot of it … not even always in a sexy way, just in a “humans sometimes are naked” way …

And that was  Love, Death & Robots.

Was it good?

Hell yes!

Do I want more?

Definitely …  though I don‘t have to high hopes for a potential second season … once burned twice shy … But I‘d be delighted if we get one as good or even better.

[silverfronds]

D&D ask meme

1. A favorite character you have played.

Naivera, obviously

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played.

Elgra!!!!!!!!!!! Also my daughter kelgra

3. Your favorite side quest.

I think it has to be secretly bringing Yuriel to aliance-occupied Dalaran to conduct a massive concert in the square all in order to perform one song that I actually wrote to convince the common folk that Sylvanas wanted to fuck Jaina

4. Your current campaign.

I mean, you already know... Basically we're following the unfortunate plot of battle for azeroth with 90% more focusing on romantic side plots that don't matter to the fate of the world except THEY DO

5. Favorite NPC.

Uhhhh....... Maybe khadgar because I agree it's fun to constantly dunk on him. Actually you know what, it's more fun to make fun of anduin. I also love any plot with oily boobs orc

6. Favorite death (monster, player character, NPC, etc).

Yeah......yuriel falling down the stairs and dying is just iconic

7. Your favorite downtime activity.

Does this mean what the characters do when they aren't battling or whatever? Because obviously the answer is be with Elgra ❤

8. Your favorite fight/encounter.

The bear god

9. Your favorite thing about D&D.

It's interactive story-telling and acting and improv in a relaxed setting, with your friends, and with a story that is entirely your own so you can get incredibly invested

10. Your favorite enemy and the enemy you hate the most.

I straight up can't think of a favorite enemy lol.... But most hated enemy? Malfurion can certainly suck my dick at any time. Also alonsus faol, who WILL be getting murdered at some point. You know what, the best enemy might be my old possessed knife

11. How often do you play and how often would you ideally like to play?

On average 3 times a month. I would be fine with once a week but honestly I'd easily play twice a week

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.

Do we even have catchphrases?

13. Introduce your current party.

Mean but big-hearted gothic pillow princess, blonde lovable musician slash scamp, 8 foot purple furry, tired teenage goat alien, an angel who came to live among us, and altariko

14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed.

We shan't mention nalyn's group

15. Do you have snacks during game times?

Rarely

16. Do you play online or in person? Which do you prefer?

Online but yeah I'd love to play in-person at some point

17. What are some house rules that your group has?

More casual with the rules, and I wouldn't play any other way because I'm normal

18. Does your party keep any pets?

Nope 🤐🤐🤐

19. Do you or your party have any dice superstitions?

Nope

20. How did you get into D&D? How long have you been playing?

I got into dnd, in the sense of actually trying to get something organized, in 2016 after stranger things came out. Also started getting into the adventure zone around that time. So yeah like 2 1/2 years

21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done?

Yepppp! She's a chaotic bitch what can I say. Some of us are impulsive!!!

22. What color was your first dragon?

Honestly in-game I have a dragon mount called a twilight drake so I guess like really dark blue

23. Do you use premade modules or original campaigns?

Original-ish but I'd still love to adapt the adventure zone balance someday...........................

24. How much planning/preparation do you do for a game?

Yeah none

For Players

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race?

Wizard, elf

32. What role do you like to play the most? (Tank/healer/etc?)

Caster

33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory?

I love developing characters, I just let them speak to me. They will tell you their story. You will think of things and they'll feel unnatural so you adapt it, etc. Obviously I think there's some aspect of borrowing from stories or tropes you like as well

34. Do you tend pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor?

About half and half. I try to pick spells that I believe fit the story of my character...what would this person have wanted to learn? But then there are essential spells like message/sending that would break the game if you didn't have them

35. How much roleplay do you like to do?

All of it

[fullmetalirin]

FMA Brotherhood: Episode 19

FMA Brotherhood Episode 19: "Death of the Undying"

Kain Fuery manages to save Hawkeye, with Mustang coming to defeat Gluttony. Alphonse meets up with the group and they pursue Barry, who chases his body into the depths of the third laboratory. The group splits into two teams. Mustang and Havoc are ambushed by Lust, resulting in both men being grievously wounded and left for dead. Lust then confronts Barry, slicing him to pieces. Hawkeye, believing Mustang to be dead, desperately shoots Lust repeatedly with minimal effect. Before Lust can kill Hawkeye, Mustang appears, having cauterized his wounds, he repeatedly incinerates Lust until her philosopher's stone is depleted. No longer able to regenerate, she crumbles to ash. Barry's soul survives, but his blood seal is scratched out by his human body, which kills both of them. Edward returns to Resembool and heads toward the Rockbell residence where he sees his father Van Hohenheim at the grave of his mother Trisha Elric.

Mustang flashes back to Hughes' death when Riza doesn't respond and freaks out.

Then we cut back to Ling expositing. Oh joy.

Gluttony is strangling Riza. She's emptied her clip into his head but he's not dying. It's pretty gruesome, we see his wrecked eyeball. She empties another clip and pushes him back a little, but they're out of ammo again. For some reason, they just stand there like idiots instead of running. Fortunately, Mustang steps out of his teleporter and uses magic to generate force out of nothing to throw Gluttony out the window.

Riza yells at Mustang for saving her because lolwomen. Later she does thank him and then he's the one telling her to keep in professional, because women are just crazy nagging hags who don't say what they mean and need strong manly men to keep their heads in the game.

I really don't like the cracked-skin effect on the homunculi. It looks so fake, like a low-res CGI model.

How did Alphonse know where they were? Did Ling tell him?

Al informs them about homunculi's powers. Despite this they're going to continue to waste all their ammo shooting Lust later, because they're idiots.

Mustang uses Barry's rampage as an excuse to investigate the laboratory, which is clever. Barry doesn't kill anyone because serial killers are such polite people. Al has cartoon face during this, which I guess is appropriate since he really doesn't fit in here.

Lust shows up and Havoc gets distracted by her jiggle physics when he looks at her tattoo. As Tumblr helpfully explained to me, this is actually groundbreaking feminist representation because while it looks indistinguishable from normal anime objectification see it's actually making fun of Havoc for being a pervert and no, Tumblr, it's pandering. Perv pandering doesn't stop being perv pandering just because a woman drew it. But okay, sure, it's not that bad by the very, very low standards of anime, so maybe I can put up with it as long as it doesn't…

…do… that.

Guys, this is not making fun of perverts. Havoc is a hero and Lust is a villain. This is letting perverts be in on the joke. Tumblr, please for the love of God shut up about Brotherhood being so tasteful in its depiction of boobs, because it's not.

Anyway. Lust taunts Mustang about Hughes' death and then… looks actually pained when he shoots her (where Gluttony barely flinched). Why did she do that if bullets actually hurt her.

There is some gross banter about getting Lust on her knees. I'm sure this has also, through some strange Tumblr alchemy, been transformed into groundbreaking feminism.

Then Lust shows off her Philosopher's Stone because the author needed a way for the characters to learn a homunculus' weakness and couldn't think of a way to do it that didn't involve handing Lust the idiot ball. I've heard this is slightly less stupid in the manga and she only does this after Havoc gets injured, is that true?

Like I said before, this reveal utterly baffles me. So after all that buildup, the homunculi are just... monsters powered by magic. That’s so boring. They can no longer be used to ask questions about personhood and humanity -- I mean, maybe they could if the show actually committed to them being alien and different, but it doesn’t. What this comes down to is just that Philosopher’s Stones and rulebreaking magic is cool, so the homunculi have them so they can be cool boss monsters. Except they’re not cool. In OG, they were puzzles that required special knowledge and preparation to defeat; that’s cool. In Brotherhood, as we’re going to see, you beat the homunculi by just punching them in the face until the author decides they’ve run out of HP. They’re just damage sponges. And just as I revile damage sponges in video games, I revile them in TV shows too. Characters just throwing the same attacks at each other for five episodes is not interesting.

I also hate that this means Philosopher’s Stones are absolutely everywhere in this continuity instead of something actually special, a theme that will continue.

Lust says homunculi still have human feelings. Wow, what a dumb idea that no one would ever want to read about. It sure is a good thing Brotherhood decided to completely forget about this and just make homunculi boring boss monsters, huh?

Then, despite Lust using her claws as instant-kill ranged attacks in every prior fight scene, she now switches to sloppy, easily-dodged melee swipes, because Lust is really hogging the idiot ball today.

Mustang says he can decompose the water into hydrogen and oxygen to create an explosion even with wet gloves. This is totally inconsistent with what we're previously told, which is that creating oxygen is the easy part for him. He shouldn't need a spark to manipulate the air content, that should be a separate thing. This just seems like the author showing off a trick she remembered from chemistry class. It sure would be interesting if alchemy actually worked like this all the time, but Mustang never needs to do anything like this elsewhere.

Then despite having just been told that homunculi don't die when they are killed they walk right back into the room, because the idiot ball's really getting around today.

Cartoon when Mustang complains about being treated like a match. Because a climactic battle is definitely the time for that.

Then Lust FINALLY uses her spear-claws and stabs Havoc through the spine which, in a rare appearance of consequences, actually does paralyze him until the epilogue when Dr. Deus ex Machina heals him because consequences are for losers. I'm also a bit unclear on how she severed his spine without also severing his aorta.

Mustang realizes he can use Lust's Philosopher's Stone to heal Havoc and rips it out of Lust's chest. Lust screams in agony, implying this does actually hurt her, so again, why did she show it to him?

Lust's body disintegrates, but she's able to reform around the Stone. It's really gruesome. Somehow this does not crush Mustang's hand in the process, but she does finally stab him… nonfatally, because she's got the idiot ball again.

Bradley shows up outside.

Lust says Mustang was a candidate for sacrifice but she's killing him anyway. Uh, did she run this by the others? She then leaves him for dead instead of finishing him off because the idiot ball is strong this episode.

We then catch up to Barry, who tells us souls reject incompatible bodies. Al freaks out at this, but fortunately this will never matter for him.

Lust shows up to whine about how she has to kill Al. No, you don't. Just leave. You control the government. Bradley can give you another hideout at a moment's notice. The most important thing hiding here was you, and you just blabbed all your secrets anyway. Just cut your losses. You idiot.

Lust once again taunts someone into shooting her and once again staggers and screams in pain, because the idiot ball's terminal now. Shouldn't she also know she's running out of lives and this is maybe not the best idea right now?

Al vows to protect Riza because he’s tired of watching people die. It’s a nice moment that also happens way, way too early in his character arc. I like Al as the childish, out-of-his-depth foil to Ed’s easy confidence. This moment works better as a climactic ending reversal than as an offhand detail a third of the way through the story. If he’s just another noble heroic alchemist, he’s redundant with all the others we already have.

Meanwhile, Riza is hysterical and ineffective because she's a woman in a shonen anime.

You know, more seriously, I would like to point out that giving a female character awesome gun skills doesn't actually mean anything in a story about how non-guns are really awesome. We see a lot of great gunplay from Riza, but it's always alchemy that actually saves the day and gets all the focus. It's moving the goalposts. Sure, we'll give the woman a cool skill… that we will then choose to make useless in the context of the story. It's such tedious faux-feminism, going through the motions so you can say, technically, that you have a "strong female character" without actually doing anything to respect them or integrate them into the narrative. For every "strong female character" in Brotherhood, there's a male character who's stronger. Women are still, fundamentally, supporting characters – they're awesome because part of the male fantasy is an awesome support staff, but the boys get to be more awesome and the boys get to be who the story's actually about.

I really want us to start being more critical of representation like this. Treating strong female characters like a list of checkboxes is so totally wrongheaded. Characters don't exist in a vacuum. A skill that's impressive in one narrative or one power level may be completely meaningless in another. We need to look at characters within the context of the narrative they inhabit, relative to other characters and the framing of the work.

To prove my point, our resident Gary Stu has just appeared to show Riza up and beat the boss fight literally without moving a single step.

BUT TELL ME AGAIN HOW THIS SERIES IS GOD’S GIFT TO FEMINISM.

Mustang is using Havoc's lighter for a starter, despite explicitly establishing that it was busted earlier.

Mustang fireballs her again.

He also drew a perfect transmutation circle in his own blood and perfectly cauterized his internal bleeding despite explicitly saying he doesn't know medical alchemy. Now that his jacket's opened, we also get to see he's been hiding a Superman physique this whole time. You could put this in a parody of male power fantasies and I'd say it was too unbelievable.

Mustang fireballs her again. We get a gruesome close-up shot of her skin burning off.

Mustang fireballs her again.

Mustang decides he can kill this regenerator monster powered by the thing that supposedly has infinite energy by just killing her enough times, because he's read the script.

Mustang fireballs her again.

We get a closeup of her Philosopher's Stone, and coincidentally also a closeup of her tits.

Mustang fireballs her again.

And again.

I'd like to point out that every single one of these fireballs is ENORMOUS. Alphonse has to create a stone wall to hide behind so Riza isn't charbroiled too. We can see the entire room lighting up. I'd also like to point out this is in a SEALED UNDERGROUND ROOM, and FIRE REQUIRES OXYGEN. OXYGEN IS NOT INFINITE. If he lights the whole room on fire, he is DONE. HE USED UP ALL THE OXYGEN IN THE ROOM. HE CANNOT KEEP SPAMMING FIREBALLS. And I don't care what fanwank you can pull out to justify this, because the bottom line is that someone winning a fight by endlessly spamming the same move is terrible writing. This is not a climactic boss fight, this is just the Gary Stu showing off how awesome he is.

And through all of this Lust has done absolutely nothing except writhe and scream in agony, because Mustang is a Gary Stu therefore fire stunlocks everything. Only at the very end does she actually try to attack him, remembering she can spear people through the brain just in time for him to kill her while her spear is INCHES away from his face, because he's very awesome.

Also, HOW IS HE NOT BURNING HIMSELF HERE. HOW. HIS ARM IS IN THE EXPLOSION. HOW.

Meanwhile, Lust can still talk but somehow not extend her spear one more inch. Her Philosopher's Stone disintegrates, so the woman has nobly died to teach us that you can kill homunculi by just hitting them until they run out of HP, because that's so interesting.

And then Mustang collapses from his wound now that it no longer matters, invoking the very important power of the Not-Sue: see, he did all that while he really was one step away from death, that totally makes him less sueish and not more!

Mustang ignores Riza to praise Al for protecting her.

Bradley, our other resident Gary Stu, is revealed to have been watching the whole thing. He for some reason does not kill Mustang, thus establishing who has the greater Sue power.

Winry is sulking and hoping the man comes back safe because that's her purpose in life.

Then we end with more Barry, because we really needed that. His body is somehow still not dead, and erases the seal on the one part of the armor that stayed intact, killing them both. What was the point of this?

Then the show remembers Ed is supposed to be the protagonist. We cut to him for five seconds to discover Hoenheim has conveniently returned to Resembool at the same time as him.

Conclusion

A lot of people tell me that OG was misogynist garbage and Brotherhood is super progressive.

I don't know what anime they watched, but I just saw the sole female antagonist – and let's take a moment to reflect on the fact the sole female antagonist is Lust – die a gruesome, disgusting, sexualized death less than a third of the way through the story because she was too busy flashing her tits to actually fight, for no other reason than to show how awesome a dude is.

This is my breaking point. There is no coming back from this. I don't care how awesome Olivier is. Anyone who recommends this show as full of ~great female characters~ without thinking this content deserved even the teensiest of caveats is not anyone whose judgment I trust.

And sure, let's be real here, I watch anime, I'm willing to put up with some misogynist crap if there's something else worth my time. But this has established, very definitively, that there absolutely will not be anything worth my time. Lust, as we will see when we continue with OG, was an incredibly important and complex character in the original anime, absolutely crucial to the narrative of the homunculi and many of the things I loved about the story. And this is what Brotherhood does with her.

And that's not even the only awful thing about this episode! Ed wasn't in it at all! Mustang's takeover of the narrative is complete. He's the one who got to solve the mystery, fight the villain, and save the day, pretty much singlehandedly. And I'm sorry, but even if he wasn't an insufferable Gary Stu, Mustang just doesn't interest me as a character as much as Ed. I like him as a deuteragonist to Ed's protagonist, not the other way around. So no. This episode really hammers in that there is absolutely nothing here for me.

But lucky you, I read a plot summary of all the episodes after this, and I know the very next one is something I want to complain about too! So we'll keep going for one more episode. One last nail in the coffin.

[whetstonefires]

d gray man liveblog part 5! (part 1)(part 2)(part 3)(part 4)

Love the amount of personality Allen conveys by code-switching into different formality levels. the translators here are doing an excellent job conveying that, though i suspect the foul language there could have been legitimately punched up.

asserting that his oath to mana and the love that underlies it are his even though he can’t know that is...what makes Allen main character material i guess.

XD I want to ask when ‘being a total maniac with a personality whose internal contradictions are never entirely resolved’ became the shounen protagonist standard but i’m paging through mentally and it basically goes all the way back.

Ashita no Joe was like this. it’s always been like this. only the details change.

I will give Cross Marian .3 points for the possibility he predicted that offering Allen no mercy would inspire him to pull out his hardshell rage against the whole situation rather than crumpling under the weight.

stg allen walker is composed of 93% layered trauma like fine lacquerware and 4% mental invasion. the remaining 3% of his personality is what’s subject to contest. when XIV exceeds 7% encroachment is when shit is going to get real.

oh woo there is Politics afoot and Bookman is...actually intimidated by them, that scares me.

also he and Lavi keep conversing through thought bubbles and i can’t tell if we’re meant to understand they have a telepathic link or this is just an idiosyncratic method of indicating whispers.

lavaliere thinks allen is funny. or that komui’s attempts to reframe shit in allen’s favor are funny.

he’s not actually wrong that the XIVth can’t be trusted, but you want to insist he is wrong somehow because he’s already demonstrated that his standards for treatment of people who even might be compromised are inhumane as fuck.

i want to keep making Pope jokes but the recurring phrase ‘the central government’ just. it really does emphasize how much this organization is modeled on a modern Japanese concept of hierarchy rather than an early-modern European one.

...i am reminded that early European accounts of Tokugawa Japan recorded the shogun as the Emperor and the Emperor as the Pope.

labubibir just smirks when komui asks if his unilateral ‘we’ll tell everyone all about this in the morning’ decision has the pope’s imprimatur behind it.

srsly if we get to a twist that the current Pope is like. an animated corpse or a stuffed bear or a wooden statue or something run by a committee, i’m not even going to be shocked.

oh look it’s Link in that outrageous papal magic ninja getup. XD the role of Timcampi in this story is so weird. and great. he’s like. magic floating R2D2 stg, only if Luke threw R2 at Yoda’s head at some point.

...the point would be when Yoda actually explained about Vader before Vader could, but did it in the most assholish and unhelpful way possible

which you know i would believe would have happened.

Cross Marian it is so completely in character for you to turn up dead and thus useless at such a politically vital moment i almost don’t believe you’ve actually been killed.

only the fact that you actually shared significant information last night makes it seem reasonably likely this is not a fake death.

the disappearing body is a good trick. the guards sleeping and not dead is suggestive either way.

i like the juxtaposition that made it look link Link was blowing shit up by playing chess. (instead it is the marginally less ridiculous ‘playing chess at the site of a battle while ignoring the fighting’)

are those things even akuma? they’re fighting them in a graveyard and either the fight is non-serious enough or the chess is important enough that Miranda’s multi-tasking...

if she needs to use reverse on the board then presumably it...got spilled? but then they could just memorize the positions and let her let it go...

lol yeah okay allen scold the monster for its lack of manners toward a lady.

lmaoooo okay the chess was to win an Innocence-infused ring back from the ghost of its chess-master previous owner! normal duties have resumed in spite of the massive loss of personnel and allen’s identity issues, and apparently Link is now contributing to team efforts. this won’t divide his loyalties at all of course.

the chessboard didn’t decay with the ghost, so i still don’t know what Miranda was reversing time on it for.

+1 sassy old lady.

wow they’re actually building Order operations around use of the Ark, which only Allen can pilot. i guess anyone can use the doors he’s established so once he’s got a solid network running they can axe him but....

...Miranda it is rude to crush on a priest, though he has very pretty hair. (i mean, i’m assuming he’s catholic, since he’s with the Order, which works for the Pope. all indications really are that England is a catholic country in this universe.)

...it’s also a country where the Noahs are installed at high levels of government I don’t understand how no one in the Order has noticed that.

‘even if only for the moment’ ffffffffs link shut the fuck up.

...if anyone is inexplicably reading this without familiarity with the media property involved and picturing the hero from Legend of Zelda when i yell at link, please continue doing that, it’s basically correct except for being wrong in almost every particular.

oh good grief. So, they actually agreed with me about ‘can’t get rid of Allen’ for all the reasons i stated! they just announced to everyone he knows that they have an ongoing mission to kill him if he goes rogue.

that’s entirely reasonable, really, though depressing, but they had to be so viciously dehumanizing about getting there! wtf. “our very own pet noah” imma wring your throat.

...ten years has made Miranda Lott so much more relatable but never more than in this moment where she’s reminding herself she’s the only actual adult in this group.

also really feeling Allen’s “I don’t understand anything, but time keeps moving on.”

Holy shit the guy who knew Kanda when he was a small person now counts as foreshadowing of horrible things to come.

...how long have they left the bloodstained shattered window unrepaired so Rebeliel can sit here staring at it?

i don’t know whether i’m more focused on how absurd it is that this man does fancy baking (19th century! powerful! man!) or how terrifying it is that he’s offering Allen a slice of cake.

lmao apparently Reever is not a typical example of his role, probably because Komui isn’t. in fact, i don’t think i previously realized the ‘section’ he’s ‘chief’ of is the hq science section, because Komui acts like he’s Head of Mad Science and leaves Reever to be his chief minion.

also, this poor woman. her brother got horribly murdered working with these people and it traumatized them and now they’re treating her as a replacement goldfish because she looks just like him. that’s messed up on so many levels, though presumably she’s at least moderately okay with being misgendered or she’d dress differently. it being the 19th century and all.

...also i can’t tell if she’s meant to be a very pale black woman or if hoshino just did a ‘fat person’ character design around racist caricature visual tropes, but she’s got the blackface lip outline and a dreadlock ponytail, so welp.

wow Cross’ disappearance just gets more mysterious even as the evidence of his death mounts.

oh never mind Lebubble says it was definitely his bosses but he’s concerned because he was left out of the loop.

hmm okay that’s two women getting instant crushes on pretty boys and two relatively minor cases of sexual harassment in three chapters, all four times intended as humor, do not like this trend.

hmm now a trans woman being used as a visual gag. i’ve seen worse uses of this trope, but ugh.

the Ganimard expy is funny, tho. the amount of personality conveyed in a few pages is reliably high.

...i feel like he’s pointedly not given his prisoners any changes of clothes in order to maintain the illusion that it makes some kind of sense for there to be an entire gang of phantom thief that gets caught every single time.

that doesn’t actually explain why they’re all still wearing the outrageous hat.

aaaaand back to allen’s identity crisis.

wow, on the one hand cross is pressuring him from beyond the grave not to rely on Mana’s memory because that’s not his real self, but on the other hand he has to seriously consider that his recent lapses in the formality adopted in imitation of Mana were even less himself and in fact the result of a hostile alien consciousness breaking through.

haha this heist scenario is so exactly like a Magic Kaito one I’m guessing that’s a deliberate allusion and not just shared Phantom Thief tropes. (Though how do you tell in a genre like this, Ganimard-Nakamori-Galmar lmao.)

...the thematic element of speech-mode equating identity is really nicely used but lmao sticking out the tongue has sufficiently different connotation in Japan to make this possession sequence weirder than intended. which was already pretty weird.

daaaaamn link’s papal ninja moves are finally seeing some use. also way to signal your real identity bodysnatcher kid, allen’s like sixteen, an adult would definitely not call him niichan.

wow you can even use his papal ninja paper magic! somehow! that is a really high-tier bodysnatching skill. also lol of course kanda can recognize a papal ninja crow by skillset.

i am a huge fan of allen’s capacity for headgames.

oh my goodness is he seriously donating all the money from his thefts to an orphanage? specifically the orphanage where he lives?

and again with the boob grab.

...allen walker weeping that he’s bleeding is quite the hilarious sight but come to think of it if he can’t hold off one random crybaby bodysnatching kid his odds against XIV don’t look that hot, eh?

oh no evil undead nun.

oh that’s a great idea, ask komui for advice about what to do in the situation that an exorcist and his guardians are rejecting summary kidnapping. it’s not like he devoted his entire life to regaining contact with his sister after the Order kidnapped her.

oh no it’s another hideous potbellied angel monster and they’ve figured out how to jam allen’s curse radar. that curse was a present from his dad you bastards!

...mana was a really weird person.

you know link, i’m pretty sure from you that was protectiveness.

oh! a twist! the nun is evil without being an undead monster!

meanwhile the nice nun and all the orphans have been turned into puppets.

daaaaamn the Papal Ninja Paper Magic is good stuff! why don’t they teach it to more of their staff, maybe they wouldn’t have such high turnover.

...Kanda just referred to Noise Marie as ‘she’ but I’m pretty sure that’s a translation error based on the fact that his surname is ‘Marie’ and ‘Noise’ sounds like a descriptor based on his hearing-based power rather than a first name.

it would frankly be awesome if Noise Marie were a woman, but considering the only two not-conventionally-boobalicious and also not elderly female characters we’ve had were minor visual gags (plus i guess Miranda during her initial nervous breakdown), and that hoshino was genuinely startled people thought Jasdero was a woman, presumably because of the lack of visible breasts, i reallllllllly think she would be unlikely to design a huge bald muscle woman, let alone treat her with this much casual respect, let alone while writing her as gay.

regardless, if Noise Marie actually dies imma be so mad. not that me being mad has had a perceptible affect on the death rate--though Kanda and Krory did survive the Ark Battle Arc so maybe i do have power. or rather we collectively as readers do.

hah he cut his own fingers off with wire, badass.

allen’s talent for inspiring compassion claims another victim in Bodysnatcher Timothy and holy cow Emilia The Nice Middle Class Girl is here with a handgun to menace the giant monsters, nice.

i mean, they’re not very menaced, but she’s shooting them anyway, because fuck you.

...holy shit that’s a powerful ability. the fact that it leaves his real body vulnerable is kind of a major drawback even with good teammates, but wow. also for some reason his Innocence has its own consciousness???

which can pilot his body for him while he’s walkabout, how helpful!

Bonne the the translady prison boss has joined the count of girls who see a cute guy and get an instant crush recently, but for some reason she’s really into Reever? I mean, he’s good-looking, sure, but he’s not one of The Pretty Boys.

Just realized that part of what’s vibing so weird is, this is a shounen series, but the specific way it juxtaposes elements of extreme shittiness with elements of brilliant concept and execution is more shoujo in style.

sameface isn’t normally a big issue in this series but Link-with-his-bangs-blown-back looks confusingly similar to Timothy’s Innocence Spirit, whom Timothy identified as his adult self with startling ease.

kneeling there out of options thinking you’re going to die and you dedicate your last thought to revellier, link? really??? that’s extremely sad. did he actually do anything to earn your loyalty or is this just brainwashing?

I feel like last time through I failed to absorb the political implications of the Order having managed to put together agents who can stop a Level 3 akuma with their hands and then eat it. with their hands. i think they’ve been spliced with akuma, because ‘nothing human can get through this barrier.’

Lenalee going one-v-one on a Level 3 was a nigh-self-destruct big deal a couple of months ago. This isn’t just sloppily managed shounen power creep this is the obsolescence of the excorcists.

which in theory would be a good thing, but the way these guys are made has to be awful and our main characters were already disposable enough in the eyes of their masters.

At least Allen’s getting Power Creep too! New tactic: drop sword. Stab enemy in the back with it while standing in front of them because it’s still part of your body somehow.

oh good grief allen you saw what happened to tiki myk! how did you not see this coming. ughhhhhhh. i know why. your current life plan is to Denial so damn hard the universe breaks your way. this is your god letting you know she’s not going to indulge that touching optimism.

i think it shocked me the first time, but i’m not sure anymore.

yeah, deeply counter-productive course of action.

...i’m now used to the way XIV uses Allen’s face but the akuma seeing him as a flaming skeleton monster i had forgotten about. wut?

with kanda it’s not a question of did he count on allen being able to dodge or did he not care if he stabbed him too, it’s both.

the cognitive dissonance of the story trying to treat Timothy joining the Order as a Good End to this episode, the same way it did back in early days when they recruited Miranda, when the prevailing atmosphere of the story has become one of institutional cruelty and corruption wherein the Order is a hellish slave-taking death trap that eats its people alive is just...fucking me up big time.

am i actually expected to accept the content here at face value?

...i mean, it’s a good end in that our heroes are spared having to forcibly kidnap him into indenture, but Emilia joining to look after him is just. It’s not funny or heartwarming or empowering.

we’ve recently gone over how komui doesn’t want lenalee to see his joining the Order for her as self-sacrifice even though it was, and also how much it fucks him up being accountable for how evil this organization is.

and not to be awful but lenalee’s his actual family and actually sweet, whereas timothy is a horrid brat with a habit of sexually harassing Emilia.

And that was before the war reached a point where we’re seeing 90% mortality.

don’t do this emilia. nooooooope.

on the upside, the nice nun and all the children survived somehow!

allen’s relationship with Link is weird.

i wonder if i was meant to be disturbed by how similar Mana’s body language was to the Earl’s for a second there?

okay so can we talk about how in this moment of extreme drama where Allen has sat up in bed possessed by evil, timcampi (who never communicates except via body language and is a floating orb) gets a speech bubble containing a picture of a toilet?

because it was really important to let the readers know that the little golem theorized that Allen needed to have a pee, in between cutting from the unsettling Symbolic Dream to the terrifying murder face.

and the thing is, it even kind of was! it contributes to the pace of the whole scene, it reminds us that timcampi is a conscious being with opinions even if he can’t communicate much, and is witnessing this incident. and yet. toilet.

the entire storytelling style of D. Gray Man revolves around creating cognitive dissonance and it does not suit my brain.

...i honestly don’t know what to think about Link being uncomfortable sharing a room with Lenalee flashing that much thigh, but i know i like him better for the fact that he let her drive him out of his own room by falling asleep on his bed, and just stood around in the hall like a chump waiting for her to finish her nap.

and he escalates from threatening allen with a formal complaint to threatening to tell komui he’s alone in a room with lenalee lmao.

he really is fitting right in.

oh hey. it wasn’t just timcampi who saw.

yes okay thanks for the tyki myk update good to know there are long-term consequences for running a noah through with Crown Clown.

aaaand North American Boobs Lady didn’t seem half this menacing last time she came up, but now she’s flanked by Hungry Hands Dude and his partner and komui is looking freaked out.

he does that a lot lately.

[tumblunni]

its weird how like my fave genre of games could be vaguely categorized as ‘nurturing things’ yet i fuckin hated every single thing of that kind that was pushed on me as a child

like hell yes i love pet games and games where you get customization and a sense of progress on building your character, and like even i like ‘parent games’ when they’re that sort of thing instead of just weird shoddy gross baby diaper changing bullshit. Like wtf who on earth even wants a game about raising a kid where you don’t get to see them grow up and graduate high school and make you proud in one of 63 careers?? seriously i am still so salty that this is such an underutilzed genre and i still have to play creepy anime fanservice dos games from the 90s cos thats ALL I HAVE. Why u showing my perfect sweet videogame child in creepy fanservice costumes I JUST WANT TO SUPPORT HER ACADEMIC LIFE

but anyway lol WHAT I MEAN IS

even though i LOVE that stuff i fuckin hate all that cliche ‘girl toy’ bullshit I love character customization but I hate it when its framed as ~lol girls just inherantly love fashion oo catty girl time~ and you only have this one stupid sexist creepy giant boobs doll and no customization except costumes and the only costume options are either sexualized or really stereotypically ‘girly’ and also you have to be rich as fuck to buy all these stupidly overpriced individual outfit packs and then you cant even DO anything with your barbie! at least in a videogame you can have the novelty of replaying the same cool fantasy adventure with your different characters, and like.. it has actual substance BEYOND just the customization! And I mean you can see your customization in action in a 3D environment and having a Story and Cool Powers and a voice and animations and all that jazz! And interacting with canon characters without having to buy all those separately too, and then do terrible impressions of the voiceacting from the show on your own... cos man that’s what i used to actually do with any ‘girl toys’ i was given, i saw absolutely ZERO appeal in having fifty ordinary houses where you can do nothing but sit barbie on a damn chair and gossip about husbands or whatever. Like fuck that’s already lazy and awful cos you’re telling the kid to make up their own reasons to find any enjoyment from the damn toy, but at least cliche ‘boy toys’ got like... a story template. And one that;s actually interesting and involves fighting n shit, and their accessories actually GIVE THE TOY NEW FEATURES but yeah like even making up a whole new story about barbie being a superhero got boring quick, cos she wasn’t remotely relateable or interesting. Like I’m glad that nowadays they do more with the character but even if they’ve fixed some of the predjudiced shit she’;s still.. not interesting?? just gone from cliche fashion boring to absolutely personalityless ‘good role model’ with no defining traits whatsoever. So I used to just destroy barbies or make her the villain in everything, and had a big box of naked barbies with missing legs and stuff while i gave all their accessories to all the pokemon and digimon. Still really pissed at how few of the outfits would fit on Impmon! Seriously it sucks that also all the good ‘boy toys’ were really stereotypically macho in one way or another so i was barely ever allowed to have them and i felt like they hated me even when i did get to play with them. And the only tv shows at the time that I liked that weren’t ‘for girls’ or ‘for boys’ were pokemon and digimon, which were still kinda treated as ‘for boys’ but didn’t even get the ‘boys style’ of merchandise. like barely ever poseable dolls that i could use in more creative play, they were just like collectables you put on the mantlepiece. I WOULD HAVE KILLED FOR CYNTHIA NENDOROID BACK THEN!!! i used to break all my damn digimon trying to fit them into lil outfits or throw them around doing battles, and then i made myself hella sad. I’m sad I don’t still have that super broken but extremely loved patamon transformer doll, that thing was THE BEST! like man why did they stop doing those after the first season?? actually digivolving your digimon was the best damn idea! did they get sued by transformers or something...??? and I mean GEEZ its not like I didn’t like cute stuff or hugging stuff or being nurturing or friendly or whatever people claim is the ‘wholesome value’ that female stereotypes teach kids. but man all that shit just ruined the stuff i loved! its so alienating! and why is it always super low quality and limited?? fuckin Baby Alive Really Pees And Poops,And Does Nothing Else Ever And Has No Personality. yeah girls you sure wanna see only the bad sides of nurturing and be told over and over that your life is gonna be nothing but this as soon as you inevitably start wanting to marry boys, which is totally gonna happen according to every damn adult, and will feel like a death sentence to any kid with any other sexuality. like I fuckin got my Official Digimon Tamagotchi and it was like the whole world opened up to me, like wow Pets Can Actually Do Things Other Than Shit. And i mean at least in an lcd game thing the pet shitting actually serves some damn purpose and provides resource management gameplay to decide what evolutions you get, instead of just Somehow You Should Enjoy Changing Diapers, You Little Fuck. I loved that tamagotchi so much i fuckin broke it too, like WHY WAS KID BUNNI KRYPTONITE TO TOYS?? the battery crapped out cos like i held it too tightly and the case on the back got loose?? so it’d short circuit whenever it went into sleep mode and wipe all my save data. and i still kept playing even though i could never digivolve anyone beyond their first stage before it glitched out. And then I got THE PLAYSTATION VERSION WITH ALL THE GRAPHICS and just AAAAAA it was like the best fuckin thing ever. and Monster Rancher!! and Princess Maker!! kid me could spend 60 straight hours looking after nonexistant babies and talking dinosaurs and cry like a damn bitch when they died so DONT TELL ME I’m lacking in healthy nurturing skills just because i don’t wanna be mr marketing guy’s fucked up idea of a straight woman...

...man sorry this post turned into a really weird rant why did i think about this at 1am

also like even flash game internet dollmakers are better than the cliche stereotype dolls they were based on god I’m perfectly fine with collecting a bunch of things if they’re not forcing some offensive message down my throat! i still remember how confused and pissed off i was when i figured out that my little pony was supposed to be A Gender Thing too, like geez they’re fuckin horses. and the show was actually like THE ONLY THING i was allowed to watch that had actual adventures and fighting monsters and stuff! its so bad and minimal now that i look back on it, but like man it was all I had. No wonder i got so into pokemon when it came out, look here’s a thing to collect that’s all ABOUT fighting monsters! i always wanted figurines of the monsters from those dumb girly shows, it was so annoying that MLP g1 had that episode about ‘oh the Crabnasties are people too, they’re not evil just because they look gross’ and then WHERE IS MY COLLECTABLE CRABNASTIES THEN?? WHY CANT I PUT CUTE ACCESSORIES ON THEM?? fuck u that was the most memorable episode also actually why did i have to wait so many pokemonn generations for a crab that appealed to me? krabby is so boring, its just a crab with weird human eyes. and i’m inexplicably creeped out by that one from gen 3 cos its like an optical illusion, i thought the markings were its face! thank the gods for crabominable and also damn the gods for it being hated by 90% of the fandom for reasons I will never understand :( ...BUT STILL WHERE IS MY CRABOMINABLE BEAUTY PARLOR PLAYSET YO

fuck its 1am why am i still awake why can’t i stop thinking about dragon quest 9 but you play as crabs THAT WAS THE BEST FASHION SIMULATOR EVER, DAMMIT

[tyranttortoise]

Imagine Masterlist for Mobile

SSLL Extras/HC’s: *Separate Masterlist because this one got too long

Quizzes: *Which Skelebae is Perfect for You? (1500 milestone) *Which Skelebae Would Take You to the Bone Zone? (NSFW quiz) *Which Skelebae Would Be Your Cuddle Buddy?  (Valentine’s gift)

Quiz Result Break-downs: * Swapfell Papyrus as a skelebae * Horrortale Sans as a skelebae * Underfell Sans as a skelebae * Underswap Papyrus as a skelebae

Deltarune Imagines/Headcanons: *Sans theory

Outertale: *Interactive reader-insert through the AU (3000 milestone)

Undertale Sans Solo Imagines: * Fridge filled with Spicy Ketchup * Sans the Anatomy Professor   * Sans’s preferences: pajamas vs lingerie  * Making an ass out of your ex  * Spaghetti Spa Day

Undertale Genocide drabbles: * let me disappoint you  *they hate puzzles 

Underfell Sans Solo Imagines: * Lap-sitting and tooth licking  * Bruised boobs just kinda happen  * We maid a bet   * Artistic Nudity   * Choosetale: Dating Sim Go! (500 milestone)   * Stuffed Nightmares (fic-swap)   *i can do math, just subtract the clothes (fic swap)  * Red’s blackbelt S/O flips Edge.   * Whipped cream on his ribs  (RedRobin) * spank you (RedRobin)    * Houseparty Heroes (song fic)

Underfell Papyrus Solo Imagines:  * Fluff/Dating Headcanons  *Walks in on his crush changing  * Slips into speaking informally like Sans   * Icy Roads, Warm Bed

Underswap Sans Solo Imagines:  * Biker!Blueberry // Impressing the biker chick

Underswap Papyrus Solo Imagines: * it’s ok to not be ok   * Stretch gets an x-ray   * Couch cuddles  * Pocky Day (11/11)  * Hanahaki Disease * S/O is insecure about being overweight

Swapfell Brothers Solo Imagines: * Who wants a mutt drooling after them?  (SF!Paps) * Alleyway Confession (Raffle Winner one-shot) (SF!Paps) * HC’s and backstory of the SF!bros  * What kind of bed does SF!Sans have? * drunk off your kiss (SF!Paps as a bartender) *Gyftmas in Swapfell *SF!Sans headcanons *Why the SF bros have more LV than the UF bros

Gaster!Sans Solo Imagines: * Headcanons and BPT notes   * Relationship HC’s   * Handcuffed to a bed  (BadSass G)   * Proposal Time (BadSass G) * Why he stayed (BadSass G)

Horrortale Skelebros: * A little drabble of personality and backstory exploration   * HT!Sans: *i remember the taste   * Happy birthday!   * HT!Sans and a chubby S/O   * HT!Paps and love bites   * Horrortale Dog Shrine * Horrortale Papyrus/Reader Gyftmas drabble

Horrorswap Skelebros: *General HC’s for HS!Stretch and HS!Blueberry  

Horrorfell Skelebros: * General HC’s for HF!Red and HF!Edge  

Dusttale Headcanons: * LOVE is madness  * Dust!Sans meets Undertale Sans  

Underlust Skelebros: *What would make them want an actual relationship? Oceantale/fell Skelebros: * General HC’s for the AU’s and skelebros   * Oceanfell: A Siren’s Song

Nukatale HC’s/Writing: *Info about the AU (Fallout/Undertale crossover) *Meeting Sans Skeleton (Sans as Nick Valentine)

Obey Me Skeletons: *The skeles as demonic avatars

Extras for Broken Promises and Timelines: * Chapter 11: Underlust Sans   * Why do all the Sans-personalities go for the Reader? * How did Red end up in the Void? * What if she had still been in love with classic Sans?

Zodiac Signs: *Skelebro zodiac (UT/UF/US/SF/Gaster/G!Sans)

SOUL Flowers: *List of SOUL flowers and symbolism for skelebros *Landlady’s SOUL flower

Skelebros’ Thoughts on Each Other: * UT! Sans & Pap’s thoughts on UF!bros and HT!bros

Skelebros and Alcohol: *How much do the skelebros drink?

Skelebros Deal with RESETs: * Waking up from nightmares

Best Friends with the Skelebros: *US/SF Papyrus platonic hc’s *UT/UF Sans platonic hc’s * First time they get a platonic “I love you” (UT/UF/US/SF/HT)

The Skelebros’ Crush Says Some Weird Things: * Crush thinks puns are a sign of intelligence  * Crush mentions that they sleep nude  (UT/US/UF)   * S/O has a party for their cat (UT/UF Sans) * S/O drinks vinegar * S/O says bones are dissolving from excessive soda intake (UT/UF bros) The Skelebros Mistaken as the Grim Reaper: * UT!Sans and UF!Sans wear a black hoodie   * US!Papyrus and SF!Papyrus wear a black hoodie  * UT!Papyrus and UF!Papyrus wear a black hoodie * Turns out, the human’s not afraid of Death

The Skelebros are Comforting:   * Just needed a hug (w/ UT!Sans, UF!Sans, and US!Paps)  * Needed a hug (w/G!Sans) * Drunken insecurities and the almost break-up  * S/O has insomnia (w/UF!Sans and US!Papyrus)    * The S/O is NB and on the brink of a rough day (w/US!Papyrus)   * S/O hides the fact that they’re trans (w/UT!Paps)   * Comforting Cuddles (UT/UF Sans & SF!Paps)   * S/O is nervous about having surgery  (UT/UF/US) *S/O is nervous about having surgery (SF) * Lonely Dialer (UF/US skelebros)   * Skelebros and cuddles (UT/UF/US/SF/HT)   * Encouragement (w/G!Sans)   * The skelebros with an S/O that has cancer (UT/UF)  * Encouragement (w/Papyrus)   * Dealing with a loved one’s declining health (US/UT Paps & UF!Sans)

The Skelebros and X-rays: * Learning the Positions (G!Sans) * Learning the Positions (UF!Sans & US!Paps)    * Skelebros see their S/O’s X-ray (UT/UF/US)

The Skelebros and Dating:   * Confession: Start!   * First Kiss   * First Kiss Bonus with G!Sans * Celebrating the S/O’s birthday   * S/O is polyamorous  * Skelebros submit a match request on tumblr   * Skelebros and pet-names   * Skelebros deal with their S/O’s bestie flirting with their S/O   * S/O is demisexual (w/G!Sans & Gaster)   * How much experience do the skelebros have?   * S/O starts their period (UT/UF bros)   * S/O starts their period (HT!bros) * What does Edge look for in a partner? * S/O enjoys a popsicle (UT/UF/US)   * S/O has a terrible sense of direction (UT/UF/US) * What SOUL traits are the skelebros attracted to? * S/O blurts “I love you” for the first time (Sans personalities) * Skelebros’ crush has feelings for someone else (UT/UF/US/SF) * The Skelebros’ Love Languages (UT/UF Sans, HT!bros) * Which skelebros would be the best kissers for a dominant S/O * The skelebro proposes (UF Sans/ SF Pap)

The Skelebros and Soulmates: *S/O is not the skele’s soulmate (UT/UF/US/SF) *S/O is not the soulmate (retake with  UF Paps/SF Sans) *Frisk as Sans’s soulmate (Classic Frans) *Sanses are soulmates with their bro’s s/o (UT/UF/US/SF)

Family Dinner with the S/O’s Ex: * Family Dinner with the S/O’s Ex (UT/UF/US) * Family Dinner Bonus with SF!bros   * Family Dinner Bonus with Reapertale Sans  * Family Dinner Bonus with Grillby (UT/UF/US/SF)

Accidentally Seen Shirtless/Wardrobe Malfunction: * Skelebros seen shirtless for the first time (UT/US/UF)  * (SF!) Skelebros seen shirtless * Grillby (UT! & UF!) seen shirtless for the first time  * Burgerpants spotted without pants *Gaster!Sans seen shirtless

The Skelebros Enjoy the Surface:  * A few Post-Pacifist Surface HC’s  * First time at a human fair  * UF! Cast at Six Flags     * Skelebros with a massive container or ketchup/mustard   * Skelebros’ favorite flavors of Nicecream  

The Skelebros and Swearing: *The Sanses swear  

The Skelebros and Tattoos: * Their thoughts on their S/O’s Ink

Spending Time at the Skelebros’ House: * Horror Movie Marathon  * S/O twitches in their sleep (UT/US bros) * Watching a movie with crush and a steamy scene appears (UF/US bros)

Holidays with the Skelebros:  * Discovering Halloween Decorations  * Skelebros sexy skeleton costume preferences  * New Years Kiss Tradition (UT/UF/US/SF) * New Years Kiss Tradition (HT/OF)

The S/O is a Badass Saga: * Customer Service and a Broken Nose   * Roller Derby and the Black Eye   * Bonus to Customer Service & Roller Derby (w/Swapfell bros, UF!Grillbz, and Burgerpants)

The S/O is an Alien:  * S/O claims they’re out of this world  * Why didn’t the bros check their SOUL?  * The Alien’s Judgement  * Red gets spacenapped by Yandere!alien ex

The Skelebros deal with the supernatural:  * Their friend’s a physical embodiment of time, death, etc. (w/ US/SF bros & SF!Grillbz)

The S/O has hidden talents:  * The skelebros love their singing

The S/O has an Identical Twin?!: * The skelebros accidentally kiss said twin

Reactions to Someone Flirting with S/O: * UF!Sans, UF!Paps, and UF!Grillby   * SF!Sans and SF!Paps  * UF!Grillby solo

Skelebros & Marriage: * S/O has a pushy mother

Skelebros as Parents: * Discovering the details of childbirth   * Discovering human S/O is Pregnant    * What would a hybrid babybones look like? * Skelebros as dads // Child has a tantrum  * Monster babies/hybrid conception headcanons   * Which skelebros would want kids   * Discovering crush is pregnant with ex’s baby (UT/US Sans, UF/SF Paps)

Grillby Imagines: * UT!Grillby Dating HC’s    * S/O defends Fuku (UT/UF/HT Grillby)  * UF!Grillby/Reader Gyftmas drabble

SOUL headcanons:  * SOUL HC’s   * dual-SOUL trait HC’s 

Imagines/HCs not involving the skelebros: * Gaster HC's    * Expanded Gaster HC’s * Napstablook gets called cute  * Burgerpants HC’s   * Various characters encounter a tortoise   * Self-ship HC’s   * Monsters and socks  

Drabble Prompts: * Empress Alphys Ending of Underswap Interpretation   * UT crew plays Beanboozled   * US!bros and UF!bros play Beanboozled   * Yandere!Route, Starry Date (Frans)   * Napstaton x aerial silk acrobat Reader (raffle winner)

Coffee Thanks: * Frans Coffee Drabble   * G!Sans Coffee   * Axe Coffee   * Skeletons on a Plane (SF!Paps/Reader)

Poly Imagines/HC’s: * Edge/Blueberry/You hc’s * Nyx’s SassyRottenBerryG birthday drabble  * HoneyMustardTortoise hc’s

Fontcest Imagines: * i fell in love with you, not people (SpicyHoney angst meme)  * EdgyBerry (UF!Papyrus/US!Sans) hc’s   * cupid (honeyketchup drabble) * it’d be better if i had music to strip to (kustard)

NSFW Imagines: * S/O’s first time + HCs for the skeles as lovers  *S/O’s first time + sexual HC’s (HT!bros) * How the skeles scale on the BDSM test + kink HC’s  * S/O’s had bad past experiences with sex (UF!Sans, US/SF Paps) *S/O’s had bad past experiences with sex (UT!Sans)   * Heat Cycle headcanons (UT!Sans & Papyrus)   * Heat Cycle headcanons (UF!Sans &Papyrus)  * Heat Cycle headcanons (US!Sans &Papyrus) * Heat Cycle headcanons (SF!Sans&Papyrus + G!Sans) * Heat Cycle headcanons (HT!Sans & Papyrus) * Heat Cycle headcanons (OF!Sans & Papyrus) * light BDSM with UF!Sans (fic swap)   * What the skelebros want to be called during sexy times   * Are the skelebros boob or butt guys?   * UF!Sans discovering his S/O is trans (f to m)   * Gaster and G!Sans: Holes in their hands    * Sans has bad timing (Expanded Holes in their hands ask) * Skelebros and handcuffs * Sans/Reader birthday drabble for Banana * Skeletons in a Friends with Benefits Situation (UT/UF/US/HT/SF) * Mutt recites the periodic table

[hapalopus]

I was tagged by @dragoninanerdbody in a halloween thing that was already getting long which is why i’m posting instead of reblogging

Favorite candy: Big Boobies, a real candy (shaped like boobs) that they used to sell, but which was taken off the shelves a few years ago. It was just made of regular gummy candy but who wouldn’t want to just straight up vore a pair of tiddies

Favorite monster: Werewolves are... kinda hot.......

Do you expect to die a violent death: I don’t expect to but I kinda wanna. Like, when I’m 90 I don’t wanna just fall asleep and not wake up, I’d rather die in a skydiving accident or via a lion attack or be sacrificed to our alien overlords as the oldest and wisest tribe member

I tag @echey, @loploplopori, and @elevengrackles

[voltronreaderinserts]

Masterlist

Made it to 40 150+ posts, so I thought I’d make it easier to find things on my blog for my mobile readers! 

This will be edited as I make more posts in the future.

Note: This masterlist follows an extensive tag system I set up, which I have a directory for on my blog’s sidebar navigation, should you be looking from desktop.

– Ryan

–

Scenarios:

Keith:

• Keith meets the original Red Paladin (fluff) • When you’re caught dancing in your room (fluff) • “I don’t know if you noticed… but we’re in a party.” (fluff) • “Give this a chance.” (angst/fluff) • “Reader saves an alien creature and sneaks it on the ship.” (fluff) • “Hey, Keith, are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten-I-see” (fluff) • “If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand.” (fluff) • S/o with a third eye (fluff) • Making out with Keith to FOB (suggestive? fluff)

Lance:

• When you’re caught dancing in your room (fluff) • “What are you doing?” “Hiding.” (fluff) • “Reader saves an alien creature and sneaks it on the ship.” (fluff) • “If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.” (fluff) • Birthday Boy Lance (fluff) • S/o with a third eye (fluff) • Lance’s s/o is captured because of someone’s mistake (angst?) • Making out with Lance to P!ATD (suggestive? fluff)

Hunk:

• When you’re caught dancing in your room (fluff) • “I don’t understand how you get yourself into these situations.” (fluff) • “Reader saves an alien creature and sneaks it on the ship.” (fluff) • “Don’t you dare die on me!” (angst/fluff) • “You’re going out dressed like that?” (fluff) • “If you were a flower, you’d be a DAMNdelion.” (fluff) • “If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple.” (fluff)

Pidge:

• When you’re caught dancing in your room (fluff) • “Reader saves an alien creature and sneaks it on the ship.” (fluff)

Shiro:

• When Shiro has nightmares, you sing him to sleep (angst?/fluff) • Domestic!Shiro (fluff, Domestic!AU) • When you’re caught dancing in your room (fluff) • “You lied to me.” (angst, season 2 spoilers) • “So… you think I’m hot?” “Did I just say that?” (suggestive fluff) • “Reader saves an alien creature and sneaks it on the ship.” (fluff) • “Where did all these puppies come from?” (fluff) • Catches his s/o singing and dancing while they’re doing a task, and he just me lt s (fluff) • Obligatory Kitchen Smut™ (smut) • Body worship for s/o with small breasts (slight NSFW/suggestive? fluff) • Grounding +Kuro +Kuron (hurt/comfort) • Jealous!Alpha!Shiro (fluff, A/B/O!Verse) • Jealous!Alpha!Shiro (smut, A/B/O!Verse)

Coran:

• “Reader saves an alien creature and sneaks it on the ship.” (fluff) • Coran finds you in a hidden healing pod (fluff)

Kolivan:

• Kolivan is a huge softie and you can’t tell me otherwise (angst?/smut)

Thace:

• “Quit it, or I’ll bite.” (suggestive? fluff) • Thace’s s/o reacting to his death (angst) • AU where Thace doesn’t die (fluff?? angst??)

Ulaz:

• “Why do you only kiss me when I’m sleeping?” (fluff) • Ulaz cuddles (fluff)

Sendak:

• “Who took the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes?” (fluff, extremely ooc)

Prince Lotor:

• Heir to a Kingdom (Part 1) • Heir to a Kingdom (Part 2) • Heir to a Kingdom (Part 3) (smut) • Protective!Lotor (fluff, Mafia!AU)

Spoopy Monster!AU

• The List lol • Intro

–

Headcanons:

–>  Lance   ||   Hunk   ||   Pidge   ||   Shiro   ||   Keith   ||   Coran   ||   Allura   ||   Thace   ||   Lotor   ||   Matt   ||

• How the team cooks (OT7) • Which Paladin is best at ‘Just Dance’ (OT5) • React: When you’re prone to overheating (Shiro, Keith, Coran) • Domestic!Shiro • If the Paladins have done anything illegal (OT5) • Boyfriend!Keith • Boyfriend!Coran • Drunk Paladins (OT5) • More Coran headcanons • Matt with an s/o with a service dog • OT5 with an optimistic s/o • More Keith headcanons • Coran with an optimistic s/o • Boyfriend!Thace • Lotor comforting his s/o • Boyfriend!Lotor • Obligatory Mafia AU That No One Asked For™ (OT5) • Lotor’s smol human s/o • Paladins comfort you (OT5) • More Lotor headcanons! (contains nsfw content) • React: Lotor’s s/o is killed in battle (angst) • Korean!Keith relationship headcanons • Thace cuddles • Paladins with a kinky s/o (contains nsfw content) • NSFW Keith headcanons • NSFW Allura headcanons • Lance with a feminine/delicate s/o • Paladin’s with a ticklish younger sister (OT5) • Lotor gives you a custom fighter jet • Girlfriend!Allura • NSFW Lotor headcanons • More NSFW Lotor headcanons • Dom!Hunk (contains nsfw content) • NSFW Shiro headcanons • NSFW Slav headcanons (87% a joke) • More NSFW Slav headcanons (97% a joke) • NSFW Keith with a chubby s/o • Butts, or boobs? (Paladins sans Pidge) • NSFW Rebel!Matt headcanons • NSFW Varkon headcanons (87% a joke) • Voltron headcanons (contains nsfw content) • NSFW Voltron headcanons • More NSFW Rebel!Matt • Fluffy Lotor headcanons • Lotor with a smol badass s/o • General Galran mating headcanons • More general Galran mating headcanons • General Galran with a pregnant s/o headcanons • Me being butthurt over my angsty Galran headcanons • Alpha!Keith headcanons (contains nsfw content, A/B/O!Verse) • Alpha!Lance (A/B/O!Verse) • Alpha!Hunk (A/B/O!Verse) • Ulaz and Thace with a reckless s/o • Jealous!Alpha!Shiro headcanons (A/B/O!Verse) • Keith on his s/o’s birthday • Alpha!Coran (A/B/O!Verse) • Alpha!Pidge (A/B/O!Verse) • Soulmate!Lotor (Soulmate!AU) • More Soulmate!Lotor (Soulmate!AU) • More Lotor headcanons! • Lotor with a chubby s/o (contains nsfw content) • Reader with a heart murmur (Paladins + Coran) • Domestic!Shiro (Domestic!AU) • Soulmate!Kolivan (Soulmate!AU) • Why Lotor loves your voice so much • Domestic!Alpha!Shiro (A/B/O!Verse, Domestic!AU) • Soulmate!Thace (Soulmate!AU) • Boyfriend!Ulaz • Narti headcanons • More Boyfriend!Thace • Domestic!Keith (Domestic!AU) • Domestic!Ulaz (Domestic!AU) • Even more NSFW Matt headcanons • General Domestic!Galra headcanons (Domestic!AU) • NSFW Thace headcanons • Sendak relationship headcanons • NSFW Sendak headcanons • Allura comforting her s/o • NSFW Coran headcanons • Again, NSFW Matt headcanons • Soulmate!Sendak (Soulmate!AU) • React: Lotor seeing his s/o depressed (angst, hurt/comfort) • Matt crushing on reader in Team Voltron

[twitchesandstitches]

in no particular order, a list of some of my main OCs; some are SFW in nature, others are more appropriate to this blogs themes but i’d kinda like to use the less kink-focused one for funsies here.

under read more because it gets fairly long. I’m putting this here for some inspiration on potential asks or suggestions, and to get you all familiar with some of my lesser used OCs or ones I have not discussed on this blog yet.

Jord Ymirdottir: Frost giantess space pirate. Her true size is several miles high, but in the mortal plane she is about 16 feet or so; she’s larger if it suits the needs of the scenario. A big, buff and super thicc MILF type, with edges of ‘muscle BBW’ from time to time. Originally was a cruel femdom villain, but she mellowed out into a more gentle girl bully who is too harmless to be any real threat. Gentle and sweet to her friends, more moral than she thinks. Big into collecting harems of cute boys! Blue-skinned, white hair (partially dyed magenta) usually done up in pig tails with a shaved section down the middle.

Toast: small, dog-sized robot resembling a cartoony theropod dinosaur, moving about on all fours, with one arm a huge bulky fire elemental core (think hellboy’s Right Hand of Doom). Cheerful, optimistic, and obnoxious as hell, and absolutely hating humans; he exists as a kind of retribution to people being cruel, indifferent or callous to robots, treating them as slaves and things, and his goal in life is to murder-splode them all. 

Whether he actively wants to kill all humans or just the ones that annoy him changes depending on my mood, but he can instantly go from friendly to ‘burn your family alive and make you watch’ over the smallest slight towards robots. He even takes his name from a common slur towards robots, and toasts humans: burning them alive and to ash. Has fire-based powers based on how much he hates something.

Mama Defleini: magenta-themed kraken mom originally created as a Splatoon OC. Extremely tall, unbelievably stacked, with dark brown skin and large magenta tentacles. She is very sweet to everyone around her, with a strong ‘protect the small’ mentality. She is distanced from the Octoling/Inkling conflict, and has hints that she is something far older than either. Technically she can transform into a Pacific Giant Octopus, but it is a massive kaiju of a beast, and she is effectively a kraken out of Norwegian mythology.

Kareem: A young fire giant femboy who wandered out of his home realms some time ago and came into Jord’s employ, and now happily serves as her favorite boytoy and sidekick. Thicc, wide hips, and chubby, with flamey skin and fire hair. Gentle-hearted, mild mannered and very meek, he is nonetheless a fire giant, if small for his people. Very passive, but is a magical powerhouse!

Hivluk Tellos: A jadeblood fantroll with a talent for impossible machinery and mad science gadgets, to the point that the obsessive need to fix people can overwhelm him. After a long life of girls constantly trying to gobble him up, he is terrified of girls but is easily drawn to them nonetheless. He is a troll vampire, but has no predatory instinct, meekly feeding from and obeying anyone who will permit him, rendering him helpless to their will. Small, curvy, and super femboy-tier.

Sekhma Dionsi: A boisterous purpleblood fantroll who has a hard rocking and hard drinking and sexing life style; in her day job, she uses her potent chucklevoodoos to ease people through their mental difficulties. She is a follower of the Signless, and was present during his time, and has come to suffer extreme guilt complex over the sins of all highbloods. Massive even for a troll, she is a gigantic and very gentle dommy MILF that has taken a soft spot towards Hivluk and informally taken him in as a lover and protectorate. Really, really thicc, with a hint of buff. Squared off horns. Short-cut hair on one side, and the other is cornrows.

Pavumi Ekidna: A mysterious fuchsia fantroll who may be the oldest troll alive... if she is a troll at all. Masquerading as a violetblood, she is strongly hinted to be some emanation of an Elder Thing in physical form, often manifesting multiple eyes, mouths in the wrong place, or other disturbing features. She is kind and sweet, and rather obsessed with creating monsters and setting them loose. Extremely curvy, super stacked, and taller than Sekhma. Huge, wild hair.

Elumai Dionsi: Descendant of Sekhma, and possibly the one who introduced her to Hivluk. A gentle and softspoken purpleblood raised outside of Alternia, she has a gothic heroine vibe, fond of books, ancient lore, and strange mysteries. Every bit as motherly, domineering and thicc as her ancestor, she is older than Hivluk and also involved with him romantically. Likes to wear corsets hugging her super buxom body, flowing dresses, and her long hair covers her entire face but for her plump, massive lips.

Khalie Ekidna: Descendant of Pavumi. Not much is established about her, but she’s a lot more fierce and fight-y than her ancestor, and more interested in protecting the small by punching the hell out of anyone bad. Grumpy, tactiturn, but genuinely sweet if you can dare approach her.

Host: A collective consciousness of curvy fembots with a distinct interest in studying alien life wherever she finds it and protecting it. Sworn to never take a life, she still grapples with a very black and white view on morality and finds the gray hard to cope with. Loves all beings, in a sexual way, inquisitive as she is. Her interaction platforms are invariably extremely big, incredibly thicc, and made of squishy metal.

Brainlord: Originally an OC for an Oddworld crossover story arc, she can be repurposed to be a member of an unspecified eusocial race of alien insectoids. She is a broodmother, with a massive abdomen and constantly gestating new generations on the spot. She is incredibly intelligent, being mostly cybernetic, and is a futurist, always thinking ahead. Brainlord hopes for the best and tries to be inclusive, but she’s not terribly experienced. Some of her aspects include: broodmother, perpetual hyper pregnancy, hyper-sized multiboob, and cybernetics.

Gritzgrotz: Originally a Warhammer 40k ork OC, reimagined as a hunky, buff and incredibly handsome orc suitable for most settings. over seven feet tall, built like a buff truck and extremely handsome, he’s a gregarious and helpful guy, if not terribly bright. He prefers to take all his thinking from leaders and warbosses, and left to his own devices, is basiaclly the biggest and friendliest jock you ever met.

Jammy Bits: another repuposed ork OC and reimagined as an orc girl, she’s incredibly lucky, in the sense that she has been blown to hell and still lives. Most of her is cybernetic, and a lot of her impressively huge curves may actually be artificial in nature. Relentlessly optimistic and rather oblivious, she is just full of infectious cheer and perpetual happiness.

Odina: A shortstacked woman that eats magic and converts it into hip/butt size, and is a real powerhouse against magic users. This should make her unstoppable, but she has little interest in adventure, preferring to slack off or pursue her hobbies. Strange twists of fate constantly get her involved in adventure, and she complains incessantly. Algonquinian, dark-skinn, hair dyed red and a tendency for punk clothing.

Edhitha: an asari brusier mutated into a being of living star matter, with pitch-black skin roiling with solar fire. Extremely busty, her boob size matches her extreme ego and lust for battle, and she happily goes from one job to the next, whether mercenary or bounty hunter, seeking out challenges and adventure with little moral compass, but an unshakable sense of professionalism. She takes a boxer’s attitude towards a sporting fight and applies it to life-and-death stakes.

Chopstop: Another repurposed ork OC, she’s a massive and entirely robotic orc more than ten feet tall, engineered to be a walking tank and brush walls aside, armed to the teeth with way too many guns. She may not be an ork at all, but a shortstacked goblin with extreme curves; she might actually have trouble being mobile because of her size. She’s a competent doctor for all species, but is a little too eager to shove robot-bits in. “Ya’ll like these zappy bits! They’s FUN!”

[banshee-king]

Female Models in 40k

After reading numerous posts on the amount of females in 40k, especially surrounding the discourse of female Space Marines, I wanted to share my own opinions and see what others think. I’ve heard some people think that there is equal representation in 40k, I disagree with this, but perhaps I have interpreted them wrong.

I have gone over all the official codices, and some of the major datasheets as well, and objectively looked at how many females there were. I’ve looked at the characters and the units, I’ve read up the lore on which units are only/predominantly male or female and I’m only counting the main codices. I’ll mention the Imperial Armour or White Dwarf magazines where necessary but this analysis is focusing on the core of 40k, not all its offshoots which don’t actually change much regardless.

This is not a statement of what 40k should be however. I’m not saying how many 40k fans are male/female, I’m not saying what 40k fans want, what Games Workshop should do, I’m not saying anything about marketing or the money making side of things. This is purely an objective (or as objective as I can make it) look at the 40k models in regards to how many are female, male or other.

Objectively, the Warhammer 40k factions are dominated by males, with relatively few females. Here is how I came to this conclusion… (beware, this is a long post)

Starting with the Imperium, the Space Marines and Sisters of Battle are supposedly the only two factions made entirely of one gender. Looking through Codex SM and yep, males only, not a single female, not even the servitors. That’s fair, they are meant to be an all-male organisation. Looking at Codex Adeptus Sororitas however, there are Ministorum priests and arco-flagellants. Both of these can be female lore-wise, but GW sells only male models for them. More importantly however, the SoB have a male unique character. 50% of their named characters are male. Even if GW added 100 new female characters, Codex Adeptus Sororitas would not be an all-female codex comparable to the all-male Space Marine. Codex AS is still heavily female dominated though, don’t get me wrong a couple guys don’t outweigh the many other female models, but the codex itself is not ‘all’ female like the SoB themselves are.

Moving onto Codex Astra Militarum, there is not a single female model either in the codex or currently being sold by GW on their website. There are armoured models and we know for a fact there are women in the Imperial Guard, but that just means any fully armoured figure has a 50/50 chance of being male or female. There are six named characters you can use on the tabletop, there are enginseers, priests, Psykers, advisors, commissars, none of which are female. There aren’t even any artworks in the codex depicting a female, or a single use of the word ‘she’ referring to a female guardsman. There have been female models before, but being discontinued and not in the actual codex sort of rules them out, even if they were numerous enough to make a difference. I’m not counting Codex Astra Militarum as all-male since any percentage of the helmeted models can be called female, it is still male dominated however.

Codex Cult Mechanicus and Codex Skitarii are interesting since it is very hard to tell which models are male or female, however there is still a greater male presence. Codex Skitarii has no named character and no unmasked heads, so it is absolutely neutral. Codex CM is not as equal however as the electro-priests are clearly bare-chested men. Also, in both codices the Omnissiah is referred to as male, and tech-priests occasionally use male pronouns but never female pronouns. I would still count Codex Skitarii as neutral model wise, background lore doesn’t affect that, but Codex CM is male dominated (2 out of its 6 units are all male).

The last major Imperium codex worth mentioning is Codex Inquisition. Again there are more males than females, but Codex Inquisition is different in that there actually quite a few females, named females, artworks of females, but there are still more men. There are two unique characters that can be played the tabletop, both male, and there are two female models currently being sold by GW both of which are death cult assassins. The other Inquisitorial henchmen are either male or they could go both ways. There is also the new Inquisiotr Greyfax, but she alone does not tip the scale. Regardless, in the end the codex is male dominated, and men have a more significant presence in the codex.

The first alien codex to talk about is Codex Tyranids. They are without doubt a neutral race. All the organisms are genderless, there is a tiny section on Norn Queens, but that is neither an actual model nor is it a scientific label for the creature. Even the characters are referred to as ‘it’ or ‘they’. Even the Tervigon, the walking vag-monster, is referred to as ‘it’. The Tyranids are the most neutral codex in all of 40k, which shouldn’t be that surprising.

Next is Codex Tau, and they are pretty much exactly like Codex Astra Militarum. The lore says both males and females are part of the fire caste, any armoured model therefore has equal opportunity to be male or female. However, there are six Tau named characters, one of which is female. 1/6 is not 50/50. The unhelmeted infantry also look all male, though it is harder to tell. If you brought Shadowsun to a battle you could say that your army was mostly female, but the codex as a whole is still male dominated.

Moving onto Codex Necrons, they are similar to the Tau and Imperial Guard but different in that they are far more neutral. Given that the Necron are skeletal with no distinction between males and females, every single model save for the named ones can be counted as either male or female. If you brought a base overlord, you could have a 100% female army if you wished. However, like the Imperial Guard, Necrons have 7 named characters for you to use on the tabletop, none of which is female. There was one female overlord, Xun’bakyr, from an Imperial Armour book, but she didn’t even make it into the main codex, or get her own model. Even if she did, 7 to 1 is still not equal. Codex Necrons is not all-male, though very easily could be, it is however male dominated.

Now onto Codex Craftworlds, aka craftworld Eldar.  Once again, both males and females wear the same armour, again there is a 50/50 chance of being either gender. The Eldar have Howling Banshees however, they are “A predominantly female aspect,” not all-female like the Vostroyan Firstborn from the Imperial Guard are all male, but there is a female dominance in one of the aspect warriors. However there are 10 unique Eldar characters, 1 of which is female. Jain Zar is one of six Phoenix Lords, and though the Howling Banshees are also mostly female, 2 does not equal 9. Codex Craftworlds is still male dominated.

Codex Dark Eldar is more equal than Codex Craftworlds. There are a lot more female bodies throughout their units and 1 out of the three unique characters is female.  Like their craftworld cousins the Dark Eldar also have a mostly female unit, the Wyches. The Dark Eldar have units like the mandrakes, wracks and grotesques however which only have male models, and in combination with the unique character ratio, Codex Dark Eldar is still male dominated.

Then we have Codex Harlequins. They are really hard to tell which is female and which is male, they also have no unique characters to tip the balance, but in the end there is the female shadowseer vs the death jester, solitaire and troupe master. They are really a small codex, and even though there can be both male/female for all unit types, some have boobs, but the majority are flat chested so they are male dominated, if ever so slightly.

Last alien race is the Orks and Codex Orks is different yet very similar to the Tyranids. The Orks are fungi, they reproduce through spores, not ‘males’ and ‘females’. They are like the Tyranids in that they are genderless. Objectively, Codex Orks is technically neutral. However, every Ork uses male pronouns and they have some very masculine features. The Orks have never had a female voice actor, and nobody would ever mistake them for female judging from appearance alone. Some of their units are even called ‘boyz’ for Christ’s sake. They have also been recorded to defecate and piss, but whether they actually have a dick or not, I do not know. Even if they did, I am not sure if that would make them male since their genitals are not used for reproduction. Personally I would say they are dominantly male, or at the very least masculine, but for the sake of this analysis I’ll go with neutral since by technicality, they are not male.

Now we come to Chaos, starting with Codex Chaos Daemons. They are a lot like the Orks in that technically, Daemons are genderless. However, the Daemons of Chaos use male pronouns. I’m not quite sure how much that actually affect matters, but it is worth noting that all four gods, and three of the four factions use male pronouns while Daemonettes use female pronouns. Codex Tyranids clearly shows how ‘it’ and ‘they’ can be used effectively, but for some reason the writers of Codex Chaos Daemons felt like the immaterial creatures of the warp needed to be called ‘he’ and ‘him’. I will still count Codex Chaos Daemons as neutral, since by technicality they are, but I would like to hear other people’s thoughts on the matter.

Last of all the codices is Codex Chaos Space Marines. They are very much like the Space Marines, a male only codex. There are literally no females in the codex at all. On the subject of Space Marines vs Sisters of Battle however, I would say the Adeptus Sororitas is a lot more similar to Chaos Marines. While both their codices are named after the one gender organisation, they both include units from outside such as the Ministorum Priests or the Chaos cultists. Codex Space Marine is also the main codex of 40k, no other codex gets as many editions or attention, so comparing the SoB to them is a bit unfair. It is better to compare the SoB to chaos Marines since they are smaller and their codices are actually of mixed factions. Regardless, while the SoB codex managed to include males, the Chaos Space Marines codex did not include any females.

So overall, 40k is not very equal in terms of men and women. Maybe this entire post was pointless, maybe everybody already knew what I just said, maybe I’m completely wrong. Either way, I’d love to hear people’s opinions on this, especially regarding whether Orks and Daemons are actually neutral. And again, I’m not making any comments on whether adding more females would increase or decrease sales. I’m no business manager, I claim no expertise or knowledge on the percentage of males in the 40k fanbase or their opinions on female models. I just count names and check breastplates and I’m all out of names. But no seriously, any feedback would be appreciated.

And here’s a bar graph for added clarity.

And here’s a pie chart, because I love graphs.

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