#the campus store isn't even open in the summer

[random-shit-writing]

my college gives every student a college email for important shit, and i didn’t even get my email until recently (i should have had it earlier bc i need to find out how to schedule classes and learn important shit), and it had a pre-made password, which i was required to change to my own. so i did. and then i tried to add the email account to my email app and. it. WONT. LET. ME

ive probably changed my password ten different times, but it keeps telling me the password is “incorrect.” no, bitch, it’s not. i wrote it down. i copy and pasted it. i reset the password. i tried waiting a week to sign in, thinking maybe my repeated tries locked me out. i tried unlocking the account from the college’s website, and it told me i could “sign in without the password” BUT I CANT. IT’S NOT WORKING. IM LITERALLY GOING TO SCREAM AND CRY

[peachdues]

Seasons in Love (modern college AU: Part 1/2)

Sanemi meets Y/N in January and isn't a fan. As the seasons pass by, their evolving relationship becomes defined by a handful snapshots from the various holidays throughout the year.

A/N: part 1/2 of my college-AU fic to fulfill @shiverisms request for tooth-rotting Sanemi fluff. Part 1 covers January, the Spring and Summer festivals, Halloween and the week leading into finals in December. Part 2 will cover Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. This is unlike anything I’ve really written before, so sorry if it drags!!

CW: swearing, some suggestive stuff but nothing too bad. College-typical drinking and debauchery.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

January 2nd – first day of the spring semester

Sanemi Shinazugawa hated many things. He hated the cold, because wearing too many layers made him feel like he was suffocating. He hated when the store was out of his favorite brand of dried seaweed. He hated whenever he saw that asshole, Douma, simpering his way across campus with a gaggle of unwitting freshmen trailing helplessly behind him.

But most of all, he hated change.

So, when Shinobu brought along a new face to their first family dinner of the new year, he’s not happy.

And initially, he felt vindicated by his reticence to welcome her as warmly into their friend group as some of the others, because, despite his friends’ kindness, she’d failed to even muster a grateful smile for her hosts.

Not once, during the entire affair, did the girl – Y/N -- so much as twitch her lips upwards; not when she met any of his friends, and certainly not at any of the jokes or fun they’d had.

It’s not that she’d been sullen and withdrawn — she’d participated in conversation just fine. But that bland stoicism on her face had really gotten under his skin, because it reminds him of Giyuu, and they’ve already got one of those.

Sanemi told Shinobu as much later that night as he kicked back in her worn, mismatched kitchen chair while the pharmacology student idly flipped through her biochemistry textbook.

“I’ll ignore the dig at Giyuu for now,” Shinobu said lightly, though her eyes flickered briefly up to his in warning, “but I would think you of all people would have a bit of compassion toward her, Sanemi.”

Sanemi reached out to snatch an apple from the little fruit bowl that Shinobu has on her kitchen table, taking a crude chomp out of it. “Why?” He asked, voice garbled by his thick mouthful.

Shinobu shot him a fleeting look of disgust at his lack of etiquette. “Do you remember that girl I was paired with in my mental health law seminar last semester? The one who dropped out of our final project last minute?”

Sanemi swallowed his mouthful of apple. “Yeah. You were pissed.”

And she had been. Shinobu had been stuck with doing the other half of an entire presentation just two days before it was due, and it had been on statutory interpretation which had not been Shinobu’s strongest area.

Shinobu’s scowled. “That’s because I didn’t know the reason,” she reached for a highlighter to mark text on the page open before her.

“Her little brother died. Cancer. He was only eleven.”

In one breath, all his prior irritation with the girl’s presence is extinguished within him.

Now, Sanemi felt like an asshole.

Because if anyone understood what it felt like to lose a loved one — especially one as young as eleven — it would’ve been him.

“Fuck,” Sanemi exhaled, apple falling to the table, forgotten. Absentmindedly, he reached his hand to rub at his chest, just over the jagged scar beneath his shirt that was one of the many souvenirs from the car wreck that had managed to kill everyone in his family but him.

That had been nine years ago — when Sanemi had barely been twelve.

He certainly hadn’t felt like smiling much after that, either. Truthfully, he’d probably be in far worse shape now had it not been for the people clustered in Shinobu’s and Mitsuri’s tiny apartment.

“She also got cheated on last semester,” Shinobu added after a moment.

Sanemi sighed heavily, feeling even worse. The poor girl had gone through what was arguably the worst semester, and he’d chapped her ass over not smiling.

“I didn’t know that — by who?” Tengen emerged from the adjacent living room, breezing by the table and into the kitchen to help himself to whatever was in the girls’ fridge.

Shinobu’s eyes hardened. “Douma,” her tone was poisonous.

Both Sanemi and Tengen groaned in unison.

“She deserves financial compensation for that one,” Sanemi muttered darkly, motioning for Tengen to toss him a beer. The sleazy, lazy, and arrogant student body President had earned the reputation of being a serial cheater around campus. Shinobu briefly had a fling with him their first year that she’d ended after only a few weeks, once it became all too clear that he was a master manipulator.

And, as Shinobu had referred to him, an utter man-whore.

Tengen padded out from the kitchen, beers in hand. “That explains why she doesn’t really have a friend group anymore, then.” He quipped, handing the extra beer to Sanemi before plopping down next to him at the table.

Shinobu hummed in agreement, hand seamlessly moving across the glossy page of her textbook as she made a small, precise note. “You know how Douma is — first he fucks you, and then he fucks you.”

Sanemi snorted, shaking his head. “So that’s why you feel so protective of her, huh?” He nudged her with his elbow. “You know what she’s going through.”

Shinobu shrugged him off. “Maybe; but so do you.” She said pointedly, hand flipping her textbook shut. “So maybe just try to be nice?”

“When the fuck am I not nice?” Sanemi demanded indignantly, and Shinobu shot him such a pitiful look that he felt his cheeks heat.

Tengen just laughed. “I think the real question is when are you ever?”

Sanemi glared at his loud-mouthed friend, but before he could respond with a snappy retort, Shinobu spoke.

“I’m not saying you have to be a saint, but I want Y/N to feel like she at least has some support here,” her tone was light but it carried that signature soft threat she used whenever she meant business. “so promise me you’ll at least try to get to know her.”

Sanemi groaned but acquiesced. “All right, all right,” he’d muttered, reaching back for his earlier-discarded apple. “I promise.”

------------------------------------------------------

March 23rd – Spring Festival

As winter melted way into spring and the cherry blossom buds had begun to bloom, so did Sanemi’s friendship with Y/N.

He promised Shinobu that he would try to make the girl feel part of their group, and Sanemi is a man true to his word – but in retrospect, he hadn’t expected it to be this easy to become friends with her.

It started when they realized they shared three out of their four classes together. Sanemi walked into his first seminar at the crack-ass of eight in the morning on the first day of spring classes when he’d spotted her sitting in the second row from the front. Sanemi didn’t like most of the other people in his class, so sitting beside her had seemed like a no-brainer.

It had been the best decision he could have made. Y/N was smart as a whip, and often went toe-to-toe with the self-professed “devil’s advocates” during class discussions, managing to weave in Shakespearean insults while simultaneously ripping apart their inane arguments.

Soon, they began to meet up for study sessions at Mitsuri and Shinobu’s apartment, as Y/N had also become incredibly close with the two girls. Sanemi began to find himself at the girls’ apartment far more than he was at his own. In March, he discovered they had precisely the same tastes in music; within a day she had sent him several specially-curated playlists that featured bands similar to his favorite artists.

By the end of March, Y/N had announced her plan to move in with Mitsuri and Shinobu.

It wouldn’t happen until the end of the semester, when Y/N’s solitary lease ended, but she’d planned to move in right before she spent a month at home with her family – which also marked the first time she’d return home since her brother had died.

Sanemi wasn’t surprised at how quickly Y/N had bonded with his other female friends; she had a sharp, dry wit that matched perfectly with Shinobu’s lofty, passive-aggressive attitude, yet also seemed to find delight in spending time with Mitsuri, with whom she’d rapidly become attached to at the hip. Part of Sanemi had hoped that her friendship with the two women would lighten the shadows that crossed her face every so often, and that maybe she would finally crack a smile.

It wasn’t as if Y/N wasn’t expressive – she was, particularly around her eyes. More often than not, she was scowling at him or rolling her eyes at his barbs, but there had been a few occasions when he’d thought that he’d caught something softer as she looked at him. Other times, he saw an amused twinkle in her eye whenever Mitsuri challenged Tengen to an arm-wrestling contest, as though she were on the precipice of laughter, though none ever came.

Shinobu had suggested Y/N’s failure to smile was just a way of her processing her trauma and grief, and that she was doing everything she could to cope. Sanemi had not yet broached the subject with Y/N, not wanting her to feel compelled to open up wounds she was trying so hard to stitch together, but he worried that she wasn’t getting the support she needed.

Near the end of the semester, Y/N had become slightly more irritable, constantly jiggling a foot whenever she sat down, or wringing her hands in her lap whenever she was in deep thought.

Sanemi had agreed to study with her for their last final, but was on his last nerve as she continuously clicked her pen, each press of her thumb against the cap harder than the last.

“You have to stop.” He finally snapped, throwing his own pen down on his notebook before him to glare at her. “I can’t hear myself think.”

Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise at his outburst before lowering, her arms folding insecurely in front of her chest.

“Sorry,” she murmured, her foot beginning to twitch beneath the table.

Sanemi sighed and slammed his book shut, folding his hands under his chin as he braced his elbows on the table. “All right, out with it; what’s got ya all bent out of shape?”

Y/N didn’t meet his eyes, instead toying idly with the ends of her hair. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Sanemi rolled his eyes and huffed. “You’ve been squirming nonstop for the last two weeks, and it’s only gotten worse,” he nodded pointedly at the way she kept twisting and untwisting a lock of her dark, silky hair around her index finger. “Somethin’s bothering you.”

Y/N remained quiet for a moment, but contemplative, weighing out the risks and the rewards of opening up to the scowling man sitting across from her.

“I haven’t been home since – since he died,” She began, shifting slightly in her seat. “And I’ve felt really closed off from my parents ever since the funeral. We haven’t talked much at all.” She bit her lip, staring intently at the wooden grain of the table. “I guess I’m just anxious about going back.”

Sanemi clicked his tongue. “I gotta say, I don’t envy you right now,”

“Thanks.” Y/N interjected coolly, but Sanemi held a hand up to quiet her.

“I mean, that car wreck just killed my whole family, so I didn’t have to deal with anyone else’s grief but my own,” Sanemi continued, and Y/N fell silent. “I can’t imagine having to deal with someone else’s.”

Y/N’s hand had fallen from her hair to the table, and it twitched toward him. She hestitated for a moment before finally reaching over and placing her small hand on Sanemi’s broad, scarred forearm.

“Sanemi, I had no idea,” she said, softly. “I’m so sorry.”

Sanemi surprised himself by not immediately shrugging off her touch, but he found it hard to meet her eyes. Most people looked at him with pity, and he’d long since lost the ability to stomach it.

Y/N slowly pulled her hand back from his arm, moving to wipe furiously at her eyes.

“Ah hell, I didn’t mean to make ya cry-“ Sanemi said, cursing himself for trudging up what had to be painful memories.

She shook her head furiously. “No, it’s not that,” she batted the tears from her eyes before meeting his gaze head-on. “I’ve just felt so…alone these last few months. Like I was drowning in my grief.”

Sanemi felt something within him stir at the intensity of her stare, something warm and comforting spreading through his chest. “But you’re not,” he said with equal quiet, offering her a small smile. “It’s the worst club to be a part of – the dead family club – but it’s nice knowin’ someone else in it.”

Y/N nodded, and Sanemi could swear he saw something like a ghost of a smile on her face, but it was gone as soon as it came.

“If things at home get too hard to deal with this summer,” Sanemi said after a pause, “just call me. Any time.”

And damn him if he didn’t feel like he could soar at the look of hope in her eyes.

--------------------------------------------------------

July 15th – Mid-Summer Festival

Summer had passed by slowly and lazy in the blazing heat.

Sanemi had spent the majority of their break at the Rengoku family lakehouse, working alongside his best friend as a lifeguard at the local swim club. When he wasn’t shouting at kids for being walking lawsuits as they ran alongside the pool and drinking cheap beer with Kyojuro, he had been texting Y/N – outside of their active group chat.

It was insane to him that she’d become as close with him as he was to Kyojuro. Sanemi had found her so easy to talk to, even over the phone, and eagerly checked for her messages the moment he awoke and the moment before he fell asleep. Once or twice, Kyojuro had even grumbled that Sanemi rarely texted the group chat back but seemed to have no trouble responding to one of Y/N’s many memes or song recommendations.

But now, the whole gang had reunited for a holiday weekend at the Rengoku lakehouse to celebrate the mid-summer festival with a cookout and fireworks.

Translation: they’d all come to get absolutely plastered while enjoying some fun in the picturesque water surrounding the generous estate.

It was day two of the festival weekend, and six of them were in the water, locked in a fierce battle of chicken. Y/N was perched on Sanemi’s shoulders as she wrestled Mitsuri, who was close to strangling a sputtering Kyojuro with her thighs as she desperately tried to remain upright. So far, he and Y/N had knocked out the other pair — Shinobu and Giyuu -- and were vying for the title of Chicken Champions.

Sanemi wouldn’t lie that he’d initially felt a bit smug over how Y/N had darted forward to grab his arm when Mitsuri announced the need to partner up. He’d thought it was because of his strength — he knew he was jacked, and he assumed that she had (correctly) concluded that she stood the best chance of winning if she climbed atop his shoulders.

“I won’t let you fall, princess.” He’d crooned, winking at her. She’d rolled her eyes at the use of his nickname for her, and he’d puffed his chest out, feeling a cocky sense of pride.

As it turned out, he’d been dead fucking wrong. Y/N hadn’t chosen him because he’d looked the strongest.

No. She’d chosen him because he was the only one she could get away with outright abusing in her ruthless play for the championship.

“Left, left, left!” She screeched, fingers snaring in his hair to wrench him harshly to the side, her heels digging sharply into his abdomen beneath the water as she desperately tried to steer him away from Mitsuri’s incoming flailing limbs.

Somehow, despite the searing pain in his scalp and the spray of lake water in his eyes, Sanemi had managed to follow her directions and the pair managed to narrowly avoid catastrophe. But Y/N wasn’t finished, as she tightened her shapely thighs around Sanemi’s neck to twist him back so she could lunge for the pinkette now unsteady atop of Kyojuro.

Sanemi had never been more grateful that the water covered him from the waist-down, as Y/N’s thighs clenched around his head once more as she shoved at her best friend with all her might.

Mitsuri had been too unbalanced to resist Y/N’s attack, and she finally toppled off Kyojuro’s shoulders and splashed into the water.

“Chicken Champs!” Tengen declared from the shoreline where he had been refereeing, more interested in working in a tan than he had been in getting in the water.

“I knew we’d win.” Y/N sniffed, tapping Sanemi’s head lightly. “I didn’t scalp you, did I?”

But Sanemi couldn’t answer because he was fighting a losing battle to conceal the growing bulge in his trunks, fearful that if any of his friends saw, they’d never let him live it down.

He’d known he was in trouble when she’d first emerged from the girls’ room in that tiny red bikini. For the last three hours, he’d been constantly reminding himself that she was his best friend and was therefore off-limits every time he’d caught his eyes lingering a second too long on her exposed skin and that he valued their friendship above all else.

But those rationalities were getting harder to remember the longer he felt her legs dangling over his chest, and his self-control was rapidly slipping.

So, upon Tengen declaring their victory, Sanemi did the only thing he could think of to escape his predicament— he slid his hands under her knees and dumped her into the water behind him, Y/N squeaking as she fell.

By the time Y/N’s head breached the surface of the lake, her eyes blazing and ready to fight, Sanemi had already been halfway back to the lake house, with nothing but a cold shower on his mind.

-------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, once everyone was thoroughly shit-faced and Kyojuro and Tengen were itching to light the fireworks, Y/N was nowhere to be found. Sanemi broke away from the group, heading towards the boat dock just down a grassy hill when he’d spotted her sitting on the edge of the pier. She was leaning against one of the posts, legs dangling into the water below as she gazed up at the brilliant expanse of stars twinkling in the night sky.

“It’s about time to watch a bunch of drunk assholes blow shit up.” He said, crouching down to sit beside her.

Y/N merely turned her head toward him before looking away again, remaining quiet. Her eyes were clouded and wistful as she peered up at the sky, her lower lip wobbling slightly.

In moments like these, Sanemi had learned the best thing he could do was stay silent. If she wanted to talk, she would, but sometimes, she just wanted him near.

The two were quiet for a moment, the only sounds being the slow lap of the lake water as it broke against the wooden pier, and the distant echoes of laughter as Kyo and Tengen drunkenly tried to set up the firework display.

“It’s been eight months since he died,” Y/N broke the silence, her voice soft. “And I hadn’t even realized. I was so swept up in having fun that I forgot about him for a moment.” She looked down at her lap, fingers twisting nervously together. “I must be awful.”

Sanemi shook his head, his hand itching to reach out and pat her back, to offer her comfort, but it remained still on the wood beneath him. “Nah. Not awful.” He lifts his gaze up to the stars twinkling above them, the mid-summer night sky resplendent with light. “It’s shitty to say, but sometimes you’ve gotta remember that you’re still livin’— even if they’re not.”

Y/N snorted, bringing a hand up to wipe at the tears that had begun to cling to her eyelashes. “That’s a harsh way of putting it.”

Sanemi grimaced, resenting how poor he could be with words. “I meant that he wouldn’t want you to keep yourself from living just because of him.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “What brought it on, anyways? I mean, what reminded you?”

Y/N leaned her head back against the worn post of the pier, chewing on her lower lip in thought. “I guess when Kyo mentioned it was almost time for fireworks. My brother loved the summer festivals, but he really loved the fireworks.” Y/N’s eyes slid shut momentarily as she reminisced, echoes of vibrant colors and the sounds of her brother’s laughter echoing in the corners of her mind. “He’d beg my parents to stay up past his bedtime to watch them. They used to tell him ‘No,’ but he kept sneaking out to watch them anyways. They eventually just gave in.”

Y/N paused, as she wove the connection between the memory in her head with the heaving feeling in her heart. “I guess that’s why I came down here.” She shrugged, as though to deflect the pain and loneliness that curled her shoulders forward, that still lurked in the shadows beneath her eyes. “Didn’t wanna drag the group down, you know?”

Sanemi looked back to Y/N, so beautiful beneath the starlight, so kind, and so very sad.

“I don’t think anyone would think you’re bein’ a drag,” Sanemi murmured. “But tell ya what — if you’re ever feeling down again while we’re all together, how about you give me a signal and we can dip out together ‘til you feel better?”

Y/N sniffed eyeing him incredulously. “A signal?”

Sanemi nodded. “Yeah, like — I dunno — a code word or something?”

Y/N pursed her lips as she looked back over the still water of the inky lake, considering.

“How about ‘chicken?’ In honor of our win today?” She said after a moment.

Sanemi grinned. “Perfect.”

The telling whizz and whirr of fireworks being launched into the sky cut Y/N off before she could reply. With a resounding boom! the night sky filled with bright streaks of red, white, pink, and yellow. Between the pulsing claps of the thunder of the fireworks, Y/N and Sanemi could hear the distant whoops and hollers of their friends.

Y/N’s eyes were locked on the dazzling display of fire and spark above them, a mixture of sadness and wonder glistening within them.

Later that night, just as Sanemi had been on the precipice of sleep, he’d realized he had not seen a single firework that his friends had launched in celebration of the summer festival.

Because while Y/N’s eyes had been fixed on the beautiful show of color in the night sky, Sanemi had not been able to look at anything else but her.

--------------------------------------------------------

October 31st -- Halloween

“Stop moving your face,” Y/N said exasperatedly to the scowling, white-haired man sitting before her. “You’re going to mess me up.”

Sanemi wanted to crack an eye to glare at her, but he feared she might stick one of her makeup brushes in his eye socket if he did. Instead, Sanemi clenched his jaw, fists balling in his lap.

“You’re taking for-fuckin’-ever,” he muttered, wincing slightly as Y/N dabbed a cold, gel-like substance against his cheek.

“I’m not the one who picked the most high-maintenance costume out of our entire group,” Y/N scoffs, pulling away from Sanemi to blend together a mixture of red, brown, and gray face paint to apply on the fake wound she has created along Sanemi’s sharp cheekbone.  “I mean seriously, a wolf demon? Why not just go as a regular werewolf?”

It is Halloween and Sanemi regrets ever agreeing to a group costume theme.

It had all started when Shinobu, Mitsuri, and Y/N had come to their weekly family dinner a month prior with wicked gleams in their eyes. They had waited until everyone else had been seated before Shinobu announced that not only had she gotten all their names down on an invite list for an exclusive Halloween party at the Wisteria House the following month, but they would all be dressing up as part of a group theme.

Tengen, Kyojuro, and Gyomei had each expressed excitement while Giyuu, Obanai, and Sanemi had remained silent, though the latter only did so because he was too busy gaping at the girls, his mouth full of food.

“Tell me you three’ve already figured out the theme,” Tengen had said, his magenta eyes alight with excitement. “I want to be the flashiest group in that fucker.”

Mitsuri’s smile had only grown wider. “Mythical monsters - specifically demons!”

Sanemi’s groan had been cut off by a sharp kick under the table from Y/N, who was glowering at him threateningly. One look from her, and he’d known arguing would be pointless.

And that was how Sanemi had found himself now, on Halloween night, sitting stiffly on the worn-out ottoman in the girls’ apartment while Y/N smeared liquid latex across his cheeks to create the fake appearance of claw marks.

Mitsuri was on the other side of Y/N, painting fake slits on either side of Obanai’s mouth to give him a more snake-like appearance to suit his Snake Demon attire. The moment Sanemi had seen Y/N’s hands free up after she had put the finishing touches on Shinobu’s Butterfly Demon makeup, he’d nearly toppled over the coffee table to claim her before Kyojuro could sit down and occupy her time.

Truthfully, Sanemi had just wanted the chance to be near her. She was already decked out in her full Spider demon costume; her face painted a ghostly shade of white and accented by red circles meant to mimic the appearance of spider eyes. Sanemi, however, had miscalculated one crucial detail in his haste to be the only one of the men that she touched to do their makeup — how skimpy her costume would be.

Y/N was clad in a thin, white wrap dress that cut short just above her mid-thigh. The dress, though sleeved, also boasted a deep v-neck, and Sanemi was avidly trying to avoid staring at her exposed cleavage, which had also been painted and dusted with a shimmering powder. Her legs were bare, covered in the same glitter as the rest of her skin, and she was already teetering around in heels that Sanemi knew damn well would not stay on her feet longer than an hour.

In fairness, Y/N’s costume wasn’t nearly as skimpy as her pink-haired friend’s. Mitsuri insisted she was going as a cat demon, but Sanemi failed to see the correlation between the black unitard with the plunging neckline and anything remotely feline.

Y/N’s fingers brushed against his cheeks as she dabbed a mixture of paint to create the appearance of blood and Sanemi wills them not to heat under her touch. The task is nearly impossible, however, because he felt like he was being electrocuted every time she brushes against him. That feeling was only accentuated every time she moved to lean over him and pick up yet another beauty tool, the sweet honey of her perfume more intoxicating than the shots Tengen had made them pound earlier.

Sanemi was so lost in thought as he reveled beneath Y/N’s heavenly touch that he failed to notice her step back, eyes scrutinizing his face as she considered her handiwork. Sanemi cracked an eye open and watched her nod in satisfaction, finally dropping her makeup brushes on the side table.

“You’re done.” She said, tapping his shoulder to motion him to stand. Y/N thrusted a tiny makeup mirror in his hand so he could inspect.

She’d turned his existing facial scars into fake, bloodied, fresh ones, but elongated them to give the appearance of claw marks. She added an additional vertical scar that extended from above his right eyebrow to nearly his cheek. All in all, Sanemi thought he looked -

“Scary!” Mitsuri exclaimed, eyes widening softly. “He’s sure on theme — he’ll terrify people!”

Y/N clicked her tongue in disagreement. “No, I don’t think he looks scary,” she tilted her head in thought, Sanemi feeling slightly embarrassed as the two girls continued to look him over.

“I think he looks…,” Y/N paused, her eyebrow quirking up suggestively as her eyes lit up, dancing with a challenge. “Feral.”

Sanemi grinned at her, purposefully bearing his teeth in an effort to look as wolf-like as possible.

Tengen came back into the living room from where he and Kyo were doing shots and winked at his silver-haired friend. “You’ll still be able to pick up girls looking like that, Shinazugawa.”

Sanemi doesn’t know why, but the comment irritated him, and he turned away from the group to hide his reddening face.

He doesn’t see the way Y/N’s eyebrows furrow at the comment.

--------------------------------------------------------

It was two in the morning, and they are all utterly inebriated.

The Wisteria House — an exclusive club that Shinobu had only been able to get them into because of her connections to one of its proprietors — had been pulsing with music and lights as throngs of costumed revelers had ground to the thunderous beat of the music.

The group of them had thrived beneath the black light of the club dance floor, getting drunk on endless rounds of shots and mixed drinks that kept flowing from the bar like a waterfall of spirits.

But now, it was after two in the fucking morning, and somehow Sanemi had been stuck with corralling not one, but two drunk assholes back into their apartment despite being intoxicated himself.

The two assholes in question were also arguably the biggest lightweights out of all their friends — Mitsuri and Y/N.

Six of them had agreed to call an Uber to take them all back home to their apartments, but Kyojuro had gotten the whole group kicked out after he’d thrown up all over the driver’s pristine leather seats.

The blonde had been nearly unconscious when Tengen and Giyuu dragged him out the side of the car, and neither of them could stand to haul their blacked-out friend back to the boys’ apartment by themselves. But someone had to stay back to walk the two drunk girls back to their apartment because none of them were stupid enough to risk letting the girls walk by themselves - which was how Sanemi found himself in the position of the official babysitter of the two, shit-faced girls who stumbled along the pavement next to him.

“Kanroji — no, god dammit, st-op tryin’ to run,” Sanemi growled, his words a little slurred as he lunged to grab onto the pinkette’s arm as she tried yet again to take off into the night, giggling about how she wanted to run and feel free.

Mitsuri began wailing because Sanemi is a big meanie, but she shuffled along beside him in resigned obedience. Sanemi bit down on the litany of curses threatening to spill from his lips as he whipped around to lay eyes on the other girl he’d been charged with escorting safely home.

Y/N was limping along, about ten feet behind her friends, her legs quivering from exhaustion thanks to those fucking heels she’d insisted on wearing. How she’d managed to remain upright and not snap both her ankles was a mystery to Sanemi, but right then, he was annoyed and wanted nothing more than to slump home and pass out in his own bed.

“Y/N!” He barked behind him, the girl’s face blearily looking up in alarm. “March!”

“‘Nemiiii,” she whined, stumbling slightly as her balance shook. “I can’t — hiccup — go any faster.”

Sanemi ground his teeth. “Try harder.”

Y/N managed to flip him off before stumbling again. “Mitsuri’s right, you are a meanie.”

Sanemi had had it; it was nearly three in the goddamn morning, and somehow the man with the least amount of patience had been stuck with the two drunkest shitheads in his circle of friends, and those shitheads were keeping him from embracing the sweet oblivion of drunken sleep.

So, he snapped.

Hand still wrapped firmly around Mitsuri’s forearm, he stomped back to Y/N, tugging his other friend helplessly along behind him. Standing before her, Sanemi crouched and turned to glare up at his swaying best friend.

“Climb on. I ain’t arguing.” He ordered, and to her credit, Y/N complied, looping her arms across Sanemi’s sternum and locking her legs around his waist. He thinks she would have put up more of a fight had her feet not been about to fall off.

“No fair! I wanna be carried!” Mitsuri whined, tugging at his arm.

Sanemi just trudged along, relief flooding him as the girls’ tiny apartment comes into view. “You know how to walk in heels, Kanroji. She doesn’t.” He jerked his head back to the half-unconscious girl clinging to his back.

By some miracle, Sanemi and the girls finally arrived at the apartment, and Mitsuri was at least coordinated enough to fumble for her key to unlock the front door.

Once inside, Sanemi kicked the door shut behind him, and Mitsuri broke free from his hold, half-sprinting into the kitchen to chug some water.  Sanemi readjusted his grip on Y/N’s legs and moved towards her closed bedroom door, ready to dump her on her bed and go the fuck home.

“We made it!” Y/N’s sleepy voice murmured in his ear. Sanemi grunted in response, moving to deposit her on the soft down of her mattress when he felt her lurch forward on his back.

He was about to snap at her for being difficult when he felt the sloppy press of a soft pair of lips against his ear.

“Thanks, ‘Nemi.” Y/N said sleepily, falling off his back in an unceremonious heap on her bed. She sunk into the ridiculous array of pillows and blankets she insisted on piling onto her mattress.

Sanemi realized she’d been aiming for his cheek, but had missed in her drunken stupor. Nonetheless, his ear burned where her mouth had been, and he felt slightly hot under the collar of his flannel shirt.

“Drink some water so you’re not violently hungover tomorrow, idiot.” Was all he said as he moved to leave her room and finally, finally, return to his apartment.

“‘M-Kay. Love you.” Y/N slurred, and Sanemi froze. “Love my ‘Nemi. You’re my bestest friend in the world.”

Sanemi’s heart thumped wildly in his ears, though the slight lead of disappointment sunk in his gut. She loved him like a brother, of course — not as anything — as anything more than that.

Sanemi moved to exit the apartment, checking to ensure Kanroji hadn’t fallen asleep on her back, and pausing only to place a trash can next to where she was passed out on the couch. He softly closed the door behind him and began to make his way back to the apartment he shared with Kyojuro and Tengen.

Sanemi’s feet stumbled slightly on his journey as his mind reeled. His ear still burned from Y/N’s kiss, and her words echoed and clanged around in his head until he could hear nothing else.

Somehow, Sanemi ends up in his bed, sleep rapidly creeping up on him as his eyelids grow heavy. In his haze, he thought about how, despite being in a club surrounded by her friends and drunk off her ass, she’d still failed to smile even once.

As he drifted off, he thought about how empty and cold he felt now that he is no longer bearing Y/N’s warm weight on his back. Though he’d only been carrying her, she had felt indescribably good in his arms, and Sanemi cannot think of much he wouldn’t do to be touched by her again.

--------------------------------------------------------

December – one week before finals.

A snowstorm had blown through their city that afternoon.

Though, perhaps “snowstorm” was too light of a description; in a matter of hours, an outright blizzard had dumped nearly three feet of snow across town and had utterly and thoroughly fucked the roads. The university had no option but to cancel classes through at least the end of the week.

Sanemi had looked forward to a night in, preferably with some video games and maybe some of his boys. It had been a long, strenuous week; truthfully, he felt like killing some virtual monsters.

It seemed, however, that his friends had other ideas as to how to spend their newly-freed evening, and of course it involved doing the exact opposite of what Sanemi had hoped to do.

He’d been in the middle of frying an egg for dinner when his phone began vibrating. He’d ignored it at first, until it nearly buzzed itself off his counter, Sanemi having to jolt to catch it in his hand before it hit the cracked linoleum of his kitchen floor.

His phone was steadily buzzing with new messages in the group chat. Swearing slightly under his breath, Sanemi unlocked his phone and scrolled up to see the message that had prompted the flurry of reactions and enthusiastic agreements from his friends.

It had started with a message from Tengen.

Quad. 20 minutes. Snow ball fight.

Sanemi groaned and responded only to tell Tengen to fuck off. But then Y/N had replied that she and the girls were on their way, and she’d called him a baby bitch for sitting out, so he’d had no choice but to bundle up in his thickest flannel and sweater and head towards the quad.

By the time Sanemi trudged his way through the shin-deep wintry sludge, a full-on war was being waged on the campus green. Though it was nearly midnight, the snow illuminated the winter wonderland around them, and Sanemi could see all his friends and a few other straggling students engaged in a fierce battle.

He scanned the quad for a sign of Y/N and spied her about 20 feet away, swathed in a thick, wool coat and hat, crouched slightly behind a tree. Beside her was a small pile of densely packed snowballs, like a stockpiled winter arsenal.

“Ya know you’re supposed to throw the snowballs, right?” Sanemi chided, sidling up to where she stood, just off the snow-covered walk of the green. She had two snowballs clutched in her gloved hands, but her eyes were fixed on someone, her tongue darting out between her lips in concentration as she calculated her next move. “Like, actually throw ‘em at people.”

Y/N tore her eyes off whatever target she’d locked onto to give him a withering glare. “I’m trying, smart-ass, to figure out the best way to hit Gyomei in the face,” she turned away from him once more, resuming her careful assessment of the tallest target on the quad, who was busy pelting the back of Giyuu’s head with scary precision.

Sanemi’s grin turned wicked. “Kinda sadistic of you to target the blind guy, isn’t it?” He goaded, bending down to scoop up and a handful of snow for himself.

Y/N whipped around at him, eyes blazing. “He’s throwing snow chunks at people, you fuckhead, and all is fair in war-“

Y/N’s rant was cut off as a well-packed sphere of snow smashed into the side of her face. She dropped the snowballs she’d been holding, her hand jumping up to her cheek in shock, as the skin beneath it stung from the icy bite of the snow.

Sanemi let out a hearty laugh. Y/N stood there, mouth gaping and dark hair plastered to the wet of her cheek, an adorable mix of both shock and indignation on her face.

Behind him, Sanemi heard Mitsuri’s tinkling, mischievous laughter.

“Motherfucker,” Y/N breathed, staring after her roommate, her eyes lighting up with a promise of swift retribution.

“Oh come on,” Sanemi laughed again at her, open and deep. “You had it coming — that’s what you get for tryna hit the blind -“

An explosion of ice and water smacked into the side of his face, soaking his hair and the collar of his jacket.

Y/N whirled to see Obanai wink at her before he took off to join Mitsuri to guard her against the onslaught flying snowballs.

Y/N turned back to Sanemi and gasped.

Obanai had not just thrown a snowball packed from the generous coating of fresh, pristine powder that covered the green; rather, he’d made a small grenade, using snow and slush gathered from the side of the road.

Gray snow dripped from the side of Sanemi’s face, soiling his cheek, and staining the cream sweater he had on beneath his jacket. Sanemi was frozen in his surprise at being caught off guard until a small, unfamiliar sound snapped him out of it.

The source of the sound made his heart drop to his stomach.

It was Y/N, who was staring up at his soiled face, watching as the black snow slid down his cheek and dripped onto the ground below him.

And she was laughing. Laughing at him.

The sound that rattled from her chest was neither a snicker nor a snort; it was a raspy, raucous cackle. Her head was tipped back slightly, as she gawked up at him, her eyes crinkled with mirth as she vaguely gestured to the smear of gray on his cheek and dissolving into another fit of giggles.

Laughter subsiding slightly, Y/N stepped forward and swiped her hand through the sludge still gathered on Sanemi’s face in a poor attempt to wipe the gray stain away. She realized it was futile though and looked instead at her now-dirtied palm in slight distaste, wiping it against the black wool of her coat.

She peered back up at him and smiled, broad and radiant.

That exhilarating smile faded, however, as Sanemi stood there, motionless, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly parted, shocked into silence.

“Sanemi, what-“ Y/N started, a frown tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Do it again,” Sanemi whispered, breathless. He’d not blinked or dared to do so in case he might miss it. “Smile again.”

Y/N’s eyebrows knit in confusion before softening. She’d not realized she’d even done it.

But Sanemi looked so awestruck, so desperate that she couldn’t deny him. So, she grinned broadly at him, cheeks almost burning after months of non-use, though she could not find it within herself to care.

Sanemi slowly returned the smile, pure joy illuminating his features. And they both began to laugh, without restraint, even as snowballs continued to whizz by them.

By the time the snowball fight had ended, Sanemi was soaked to the bone.

Admittedly, he hadn’t been paying attention to the slushy projectiles that had been lobbed with precision by the carefree college students who had gathered on the quad. His attention had been exclusively on Y/N as she pranced and ducked through the snow, smiling and laughing with abandon.

She’d been exquisite to watch.

One by one, his other friends had caught notice, had pricked their ears at the sound of an unfamiliar laugh that rang through the campus green, and turned to identify the source. As they watched Y/N run and duck and throw with that broad grin on her face, they too, had fallen still, their eyes going soft as they realized the enormity of the moment.

Because when Y/N smiled, she was a completely different person.

She looked bright, carefree, and more radiant than the sun. The resplendence of her smile made the snow look ugly and dull in comparison.

Mitsuri had watched her best friend with tears in her eyes, and Shinobu had looked close to joining her.

All the while, Sanemi had been unable to tear his eyes from her, and the warmth that he felt spread through his numb fingers and cheeks made him swear that he would do anything, anything at all, to make Y/N smile again.

—————————————————————————

Sanemi felt as though he was levitating even after he dropped Y/N off back at her apartment. He may as well have been floating on a cloud as he made his way down the hallway of the dimly lit hallway of the girls’ apartment complex, because he’d finally seen Y/N smile, had seen her laugh, and it was goddamned glorious.

Mitsuri emerged from the hall stairwell, cheeks pink and eyes bright from the evening of fun in the cold. She giggled as she saw the gray stain still on Sanemi’s face from the sludge ball he took.

“I would say ‘sorry,’ but honestly, it was pretty funny,” Mitsuri teased, nodding at his disheveled appearance. Sanemi snorted, but he couldn’t feign annoyance or irritation because he felt so damn good.

“Tell your boyfriend to watch out tonight, or else he might find his bed outside.”

Mitsuri giggled again, but then fell quiet, something more serious crossing her face.

“When are you going to tell her you’re in love with her?” She asked, her voice low.

Just like that, Sanemi felt as though a bucket of ice water had been thrown over him, as though he was crashing right back down to earth under the weight of the accusation she wanted him to answer for.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said gruffly, averting his gaze so he did not have to meet Mitsuri’s knowing stare.

Sanemi knew Mitsuri could see right through his bullshit — could tell by the way she huffed at him and could see it out of his periphery in how her head was cocked at him. He looked back at her and nearly recoiled at the vast pity swimming in her jade eyes.

“Fuck, Mitsuri,” he groaned, leaning against the hall wall and letting his head fall back against it with a thud. He ran a hand over his exhausted face, and slightly resented the fact his friend had always been so discerning in the affairs of the heart.

“I can’t put that kind of pressure on her,” Sanemi admitted quietly after a long moment, arm falling back down to his side, limp.

Mitsuri had been right, of course, he was in love with Y/N. He’d suspected it for a while, but seeing her radiant smile that night only confirmed that the persistent twisting he had felt in his heart over the last few months had been more than mere longing. 

But Sanemi also knew he’d long been toeing a line that he can’t cross.

“If things between us went south, what then?” Sanemi continued, “We’ve been friends since we were kids. She’ll feel like she’s the one who has to leave, and I-“ Sanemi hesitated, shaking his head. A lump formed in his throat, threatening to suffocate the emotions that have been fighting to break free from his heart. 

“It would be fuckin’ selfish of me to take that from her after she’s tried so hard to build herself a support network. I can’t do that to her, ‘Suri.”

The pink-haired woman sighed and joined him as he leaned against the wall, the two staring off into the empty space before them.

“She is a part of our group, that’s true,” Mitsuri agreed, though contemplative. “But you, Sanemi, have been the biggest source of comfort for her.”

Sanemi scoffed. “Well, that’s what best friends are s’pposed to do.”

Mitsuri shook her head, a ghost of a smile tugging at her lips. “No, I’m her best friend,” she nudged him playfully with her elbow. “You though… you’re different. And I think she knows that, too.”

She kicked off the wall, and made her way towards her apartment door, pausing just as she reaches for the knob.

“After all, you’re the one she smiled for.”

Mitsuri and all her pink disappeared into her apartment, the door clicking softly shut behind her.

Sanemi remained against the wall for a while longer, his head and his heart a tangled web of hope and doubt.

The walk back to his place is solitary, and so Sanemi tried to sort through the snarled brambles of his mind. As he shuffled through the winter landscape, Sanemi thought that he’d never fully appreciated the snow before. He hadn’t noticed how beautiful snow-capped conifers looked, branches heavy with the sparkling ice; hadn’t realized how beautifully quiet the world could be when blanketed beneath a thick coat of white.

He thought about how Y/N looked standing amidst the chaos of the snowball fight, cheeks flushed with the cold and her own adrenaline, a smile as wide and bright plastered on her face. He basked in the warm echoes of her laughter as she lobbed yet another snowball at the back of Mitsuri’s head, squealing in delight when her friend returned her attack tenfold.

And Sanemi thinks that the snow wasn’t so bad after all.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Stick around for part 2 if you want to find out if Sanemi will finally confess (and how he’ll likely screw it up 😉)

[kkongdakz]

“ IS THIS MINE? ” ft. ot9

synopsis : their reactions when they see you wearing one of their clothes.

ot9 x gn!reader, genre : fluff, warning : none, wc : 1.922

it's one summer night, after a long day of work, that jiwoong comes back to the apartment you share together. after unlocking the door, he is greeted by the smell of the meal you are preparing, and it's when he looks at you that he realizes, the shirt you're wearing is strangely familiar to him. « isn't that my shirt? » he said as he approached you, slipping his arms around your waist to give you a back hug. looking away from your pan to observe him, you notice that his gaze is even softer than usual, you seem to have touched his heart. shrugging your shoulders and offering him a smile before rising on your tiptoe to kiss his cheek, you finally get back to cooking, ignoring his wandering hands that slip under the shirt you're wearing to brush against your skin. « it doesn't matter, you're cute in it. » he says, placing a kiss on the bridge of your jaw.

when you left home this morning, you had absolutely no idea that it would rain cats and dogs as you left school. luckily for you, your best friend hao, had an apartment not far from the campus, to which you had a spare key. so, running as fast as you could, you reached the street where his building was located before inviting yourself into his completely deserted apartment. hao was probably still working as a private music teacher, so to make up for your sudden intrusion, you decided to cook him a nice hot meal. but first, you had to get rid of your wet clothes — you hurriedly rummaged through his closet, looking for something to cover yourself, putting on one of his t-shirts, you then headed to the kitchen to cook. an hour later, the apartment door opened, revealing a hao who wasn't all that surprised to see you here, « when i saw the weather, i knew you'd be here. » the radiance of his smile filled your heart with warmth as he approached you. placing his hands on your cheeks, he left a brief kiss on your forehead before looking you up and down, « isn't that my shirt? » you nodded and explained to him why you were wearing it, without noticing that his heartbeat had suddenly accelerated by the simple fact of seeing you warring his shirt.

working in a café wasn't always an easy task, especially when you come across customers who are either clumsy or too bitter to be at least a bit friendly. today was just such a day, when a customer had just jostled you and spilled the contents of four cups of scalding hot coffee all over your outfit. your colleague and friend hanbin rushed to help you, forcing you to go to the back of the store to change and check for any burns on your skin — you were so frustrated that you ended up crying when you realized you had no spare clothes left in your locker. finally deciding to rummage through hanbin's locker, you found at least one long-sleeved t-shirt which you hastily put on, quickly drying your tears. just as you were ready to get back to work, hanbin entered the locker room, approaching you with a look of concern on his face. « are you okay? » you didn't answer, just nodded, not expecting for a second that his fingers would slide over your face. raising your eyes towards him, you noticed that he was carefully inspecting your skin to make sure you had no wounds. « i'm fine, i promise. » you say in a small voice, as a relieved sigh leaves his lips, his hand slipping into yours mechanically. suddenly, he frowned, trying to hide the smile that appeared on his face, « is that my shirt..? » — before he could say or do anything, you placed a kiss on his cheek, slipping away into the breakfast room without answering. unfortunately, he never got to tell you that day that seeing you in his t-shirt had made him miss a heartbeat.

waiting patiently for your boyfriend matthew to return from his day's work, you began to feel seriously lonely and bored. and above all, you missed him terribly. so, to take your mind off things and wait for him to come home, you headed to his bedroom to hide under the sheets — but you suddenly came across his sweatshirt lying on the bed. without hesitation, you slipped it on and wrapped yourself in the blanket, smelling your boyfriend's familiar scent all around you. you really couldn't wait for him to get home so you could take full advantage of the little free time you had together. after long hours of waiting, the bedroom door finally opened, and you leapt from the bed right into his arms, matthew barely catching you with a crystalline laugh. « hey baby. » he said softly, pulling you close to him when you didn't want to move a millimetre away. after a second glance, he noticed that the sweatshirt you were wearing was the one he'd forgotten to take this morning on his way out — and he was far too happy that you were carrying him to say anything. but without much surprise, you could easily feel his heartbeat against yours.

the last thing you'd want to do is look for something decent to wear in taerae's closet. but it was a case of force majeure and you had no other choice. so after a long search and a few grimaces here and there at the ever-present errors of bad taste, you finally found a sweatshirt that wasn't so bad that you could barely tolerate it. before going down to the living room, you looked several times at your reflection in the mirror, while cursing about the fact that you've stained your beautiful new t-shirt and have to wear this instead. but in the end... the good thing was that he smelled like him — the same cologne on his clothes that comforted you. finally descending the stairs to throw yourself literally against him, snuggling into his arms, taerae's eyes instantly noticed that you were wearing one of her shirts instead of her sister's. « isn't that my shirt? » if your eyes could shoot lightning bolts, he'd probably be six feet under by now. but that was before you noticed his sudden shyness and silly grin, « it really suits you, wear it more often. » — and you couldn't say no to him, because he was far too adorable.

getting lost in ricky's dressing room wasn't something you had planned when you decided to spend a few days at his place. when all you wanted to do was find a piece of jewelry you'd left at his place sooner, you found yourself among his many sweatshirts and shirts. while you tried not to give in to the temptation to try on every item of clothing around you, a particularly pretty shirt seemed to call to you from the back of the closet, urging you to put it on without further ado. but what you didn't expect was to run into him as soon as you walked through the door. his catlike eyes settled on you, before a smirk played across his lips, his finger pointing at the shirt you were wearing, « isn't that my shirt? » pretending to look around you before shrugging your shoulders and looking up at him, you end up running far away from him as fast as lightning. unresponsive at first, ricky eventually looks behind him as he watches your silhouette move away, letting a mocking laugh escape him. « why are they running? they're cute in it. » — he said to himself before going back to his room to get dressed, thinking about how pretty you looked in his clothes.

something gyuvin would have loved you to do, but you always refused : you wearing his soccer shirt during his games. but doing that kind of thing wasn't your thing at all, especially when he was wearing the same shirt all the time. but maybe for once, for his very last game of the season, you could make the effort to wear his spare shirt with pride. without telling her, you slipped into his room with the help of his brother, to borrow it before going back home, slipping gyuvin' soccer t-shirt into your backpack. obviously, you did a little preparation before heading off to school, waiting outside the locker room door proudly wearing your best friend's player shirt. when gyuvin finally came out, his eyes instantly falling on your silhouette, the biggest and most beautiful smile was drawn on his lips. he approached you just as quickly, wrapping his arms around your body and sending you whirling through the air, « isn't that my shirt? » you nodded, laughing at his enthusiasm, before slipping your arms around your neck, « yes, it's yours. are you happy? » — of course he was happy, with you wearing his shirt, he was 100% sure of winning this game. « if i win, i'll kiss you. » he said suddenly, resting you on the floor before rejoining his team, without giving you time to reply.

« what are you doing here? » was the first thing gunwook said when he entered his room, finding you on his bed doing your homework. raising your head towards him for a few seconds, quickly returning to your math problems, you replied nonchalantly : « your mom let me in. » — the boy nodded and discarded his belongings before joining you on the bed, resting his head against your back. but it was at that precise moment, when it came into contact with the material of the sweatshirt you were wearing, and the logo drawn on it, that he recognized one of his favorites top. « wait y/n, » he began, tugging lightly on your sleeve, « isn't that my sweatshirt? » turning your gaze towards him, you raised an eyebrow, a playful smile on your lips. « yes, it is. what? you don't like it when i wear your stuff? » — gunwook's cheeks took on a rosy hue, as he quickly looked away. he finally dropped down beside you, clearing his throat as he busied himself on his phone, ignoring the sudden burning heat in his heart, « i don't mind, do what you want. » — the big baby trying to act like a man.. how cute.

thanks to the fact that one of your teachers was absent, you were able to leave school early — but unfortunately, that wasn't the case for yujin, who didn't have the same classes as you. so you decided to pick him up at school after spending some time with his sister at his place, but you didn't expect to be cold all of a sudden. so without question, you slipped on one of his sweatshirts before heading off to school, choco-banana milk in hand. after waiting a few minutes, yujin finally stood in front of you, one eyebrow raised despite a silly little smile on his lips, « isn't that my sweatshirt? » — shrugging, handing him the choco-banana milk to shut him up, you slipped your hand into his and dragged him behind you. of course you didn't notice his cheeks flushed slightly, until he spoke up, « keep it. it looks good on you. gremlins. »

·˚ ༘ taglist (fill out this form to be added to the taglist) : @snowflakemoon3 @annoyingbitch83 @kpoprhia @neroislost @invuwrld @ilovechanhee @wtfhyuck @beomibeom @shiyachime @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @watamotee33 @shiningstar-byulxx @zuzu-the-simp

[inkofamethyst]

November 20, 2023

Weekend thoughts.

So I've had an album to help deal with anxiety for the past couple of years, and I think I now have an album to promote self-confidence and hype myself up before an event. Beyonce's Renaissance has been played regularly this semester (almost) straight through. It's great for a power walk to campus.

UGH okay so six months to the day after my last day of undergrad my school-supplied free HBO Max subscription was cruelly ripped from my grasp without warning. I knew it was coming eventually, and I've been working on clearing my watchlist for months. Unfortunately, their bet was totally on point. I immediately resubscribed. And best believe imma watch every CENT's worth (I watch a minimum of 1-2 Batman episodes a day these days, and when you consider the convenience, the cost isn't bad). So it seems that my streaming service hopping has begun, as it's neither necessary nor responsible to pay for several services that all have the same role. (I might let Max go over break to focus on reading and watching shows on my parents' accounts at home.)

My... ceramics-friend (a cohort member) invited me to a friendsgiving she was hosting (she knows a lot of people who live in the area), and it was not a bad time at all. I get nervous in situations (lol there could be a full stop right here) where I only know the host, but a couple of people I knew/was acquainted with showed up and that made things a bit better. I employed my usual strategy of "find a place to sit and then stay there" and that was good. I didn't stay to the end, but pretty close. I did meet some really cool people!! (Side note: I don't really drink bc I don't care for the taste, but we're now at the age where a goldenish drink is more likely to be gin with other flavors than apple juice and now I know that it is absolutely necessary to ask what something is before filling a glass (but best believe I finished my whole (tiny) glass like a big girl). I tell people that I'm a bit stunted due to covid but truthfully it's just because I'm pathetic boring uh uhh.. intensely introverted (still gotta mind how I talk about myself these days, even an unchecked joke could set my progress back)).

This summer I'd bought two pairs of Docs (one on a whim and then another that I'd wanted for years and years) because they were both ridiculously discounted. I'd broken in the impulse pair over the last several months (1461 patents, they're going to be my ~conference docs~ I think) then a week or so ago decided to start breaking in the other pair (1460 Nappa). Ngl, I thought they were a huge mistake at first. Tight, inflexible, tough to put on. My feet HURT. But. After a couple of days out (only a few hours at a time), they feel quite a bit better. Still months to go, I know, but I feel relieved.

Last thing: after having my third eye opened to the idea of building equity through a house and feeling intense rage against the idea of renting for the rest of my life (specifically if I choose to settle in one place), I've come to realize that this foreverrent thing touches more than just housing. I want to own my favorite albums now, my favorite movies, shows. I don't want my ability to consume my favorite media to be at the mercy of a streaming service. The most difficult part of that though (after figuring out the list of what I want to own and also paying for it over time) is figuring out where to store the hard copies. This might be a problem I spend more time working out this summer when there's less going on, but now that I'm ~radicalized~ I just wanted to state that it's on my radar. It's probably not reasonable to chip away at this while I'm in this apartment since it won't be my final place in grad school and I don't want to move more boxes than needed.

Today I'm thankful for.. uhm uhh OH I'm thankful that the clicking noises don't wake me up at night anymore.

I wonder how much of that half circle skirt I'll be able to complete at home over break [edit, four days later: none]. May have to hem during winter break.

Also the M9 reunion post-apogee was SO FUN k bye

[theloveinc]

im a canadian so i dont go back to uni until like the first week of septemeber! no matter that though; the thought of attending the same university as bkg (diff programs and what not) just got me sitting with moon eyes in my room like an ABSOLUTE IDIOT. IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT UGH- meeting after class with him or sitting in lectures with him (despite it not being your class/major... like at ALL)?? i luv.

GOSH DARN YOU canadians and quarter system students for getting to enjoy an extra three weeks of summer :(( i know i got out mid-may but it DOESN'T FEEL FAIR WAHHHH :((

anyway. oh my god, uni student!bakugo scratches such an itch in my head, you don't even know, nor do i where to begin.

...but you KNOW this guy is a double major, maybe even minoring in something, too (i always think contemp history and engineering or some other weird arts and stem combo). That's probably why you have class together, just because he's in EVERYTHING, maybe even plays a sport, too. Football or rugby, most likely, but i digress.

I always think he's the type of loner student who only ever talks to his friends and LOATHES group work. That's probably how you end up meeting though, isn't it? By being forced into a short project with him that (starts out a bit rough but) ends up going SO smoothly because you're a hard worker and he likes that...

AS THEN YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON he ever wants to sit next to, talk to, or work with ever... and the whole thing just grows from there, getting his number for homework stuff and then running into him eating like... the entire hot bar at the dining hall LOL.

but uh... god. You probably become a little inseparable, I think. He chases you down and gives you his coat one day after class because he notices you walking out without one. He buys you shit at the campus store because he claims he has too many campus dollars to spend. Even ends up inviting you to one of his friend's (Denki's) frat parties because he "doesn't wanna hang out with those stupid idiots alone."

i just... AHHHH. And everyone knows about you, too. Not just classmates but all his friends. Like you go to drop his coat back off at his dorm and kiri's opening the door all exited to see you. Tries to be smooth abt it but fails so badly and gets a pair of his dirty underwear thrown at his head.

(it's so funny. Kiri's leaning on the doorframe smirking at you, all "wow, i've heard so much about you" while Bakugo is behind about to choke him out. He's finally able to shoo him out of the way, and when you're alone in the silence of the hallway, he gets SO red trying to explain why Kiri looked so smug looking back and forth between you.

"I'd invite you in, but. Ei hasn't done his wash in—fuck, three weeks."

You laugh. "It's alright. i gotta walk back soon anyway."

And he's is immediately patting his pockets and looking for his key. "Let me walk you, at least."

You want to protest, but he's too quick, already slamming a fist on his door to tell Kiri to stop spying through the peephole and that he'll be back soon. Through the door, a quiet "go get 'em, man," is the only thing that follows when you start to start to make your way... and Bakugo insists you put his jacket back on so as not to catch a cold.

Gets 'em he does <3)

[eldritchsurveys]

1158.

What store did you last buy clothes from? >> Rustic Market, I think

Which parent are you more similar to? .

Do you have a lot of self-discipline? >> I'm not really interested in self-discipline. I have a lot of trust in myself and tend to just let myself have free reign without being an annoying taskmaster about things. frankly, it works

Have you ever been to another country’s capital city? >> haven't

What are some of your favorite qualities for another person to have? .

What smell reminds you of your childhood? .

Are you happy with who you are? >> sure

Do you ever sleep with your bedroom windows open? >> I do in summer, but I have to close it when it starts getting chilly because we can't afford to properly heat this house so the less cold air we let in, the better.

Have you ever had a job where you didn’t fit in with your coworkers? .

What was the last word document you typed? >> I don't use a word processor at all

What’s something that has upset you lately? >> feeling like I am devoid of passion and creativity.

What’s something you don’t think people take seriously enough? .

Have you ever gotten sick from someone else’s cooking? >> once a boyfriend made a pork dish and we both got sick from it. I think the pork was off, so it was less his cooking per se and more his... lack of awareness?

Do you crave approval and attention from others? >> I do crave attention and I wouldn't say that I crave approval but at the same time it's not like I want negative attention, so. well, I think "approval" has a slightly different connotation from just general positive attention... I couldn't possibly explain the difference, though.

What was the last kind of cheese you ate? >> swiss, I think

Do you have any crazy neighbors? >> I don't know anything about the dispositions of my neighbours

Have you ever abused any substance? >> I don't consider any of my use to be abuse

How young is too young to be sexually active? .

Would you ever dye your hair silver? >> I wouldn't simply because putting my hair through that level of processing isn't appealing to me. but Mother Nature does need to hurry up and give me more greys...

What was the last fun thing you did? >> played some ESO

Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? >> once

Is there any drama currently going on with your family? .

What’s your favorite kind of soup? >> hmm... not sure

When was the last time you were on a university campus? .

Do you know anyone who practices Hinduism? >> I don't

Where’s your favorite place you’ve ever lived? >> NYC, by default, I guess (it's the only place I've lived that I've ever had actual feelings about at all)

When was the last time you spoke to the first person you ever kissed? .

How many texts have you sent today? >> [animal crossing voice] zedo

What’s a political issue you have a strong opinion on? >> the whole "housing and food should be a human right" thing

What snacks do you like to get at the movie theater? >> I rarely buy food in the theater because it's so expensive, but when I do buy food at the AMC I usually go for the pizza or the pretzel bites

Have you ever stayed in a hotel in the center of a big city? >> Sparrow and I did once on a trip to Chicago and that was A Mistake, but we didn't have to pay for it so

Are your fingernails painted? >> they aren't. I constantly forget nail polish even exists

What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? .

When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? >> in bed. it's impossible to nap on the couch, there's always a bunch of stuff on it (and a bunch of stuff all over the living room in general, which is not conducive to restfulness for me)

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? >> I don't, aside from my general routines

[onsunnyside]

͙⁺. 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭

𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 | college!Jake Jensen x college!reader (college roommate au)

𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | fluff, himbo!Jake, jake has a crush and so do you, SMUT - minors DNI, daddy kink, fingering (f), squirting, spitting, dirty talk, oral (f&m), p*ssy slapping, face fucking, all while wearing a headset

𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | Jake is a dumbass, but he’s your dumbass, even when things fly straight over his head. Based off this post: ‘let me suck your dick while you’re gaming🥺’

𝗪/𝗖 | 3.6K

𝗔/𝗡 | finally got to write for my baby hehe, [all asks — drabbles]

˗ˏˋ𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭ˎˊ˗ ⋰˚ 𝐂.𝐄. & 𝐂𝐨. 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐀𝐎𝟑

During this time of year, students are nose deep in textbooks or laptops, drilling information in their brains, losing themselves in the stress, and anticipating the upcoming summer break.

Just like them, you were preparing and studying for your own two weeks of hell, while taking well-needed breaks in between to avoid breakdowns. You, similar to many other students, struggle this time of the semester.

Your roommate—not so much.

Jake is a computer science major and has always been at the top of his class. He never studies because he doesn’t need to, and seems to always get the highest grade amongst his peers.

Thankfully, Jake is always there when you need him. For projects, papers and study sessions—all you have to do is ask and he’s up and ready with his laptop and his gifted skills. His loyalty and kindness didn’t only stem from your friendship, or because the two of you were roommates. Jake kisses the ground you walk on because he was helplessly taken by you.

Anytime you need him, he’s there and honestly, even when you don’t need him, he’s there—not only because you lived together and he couldn’t be anywhere else. Almost every day, he is sitting on the living room couch wearing a headset and online gaming with his friends. Loudly, always so loud. Like cursing or telling off his friends in a playful way. Sometimes he was shirtless with his muscles and tattoos on display, but unfortunately today, he is wearing a shirt with a corny computer joke on it:

We'll we'll we'll...if it isn't autocorrect.

Admittedly, Jake is far from unattractive. He is lovely eye-candy and has been the root of your fantasies more times than you can count. Jake may be highly academically intelligent, but when it comes to certain signals and social cues, he couldn’t be more clueless.

You know this, but you don’t know exactly how stupid he can be. Which has led to several misunderstandings.

Today is a study day, and you’re in the middle of a break. After dropping by the campus cafeteria for a sugary drink, you arrive back at your shared apartment. You walk in, typing on your phone and slurping your slushie.

As you pass, Jake freezes. Fingers stiff around the controller and his words die on his tongue. Behind his circular glasses, he watches you bend over the counter and ruffle through the junk food cabinet. Your tank top rolled up and your ass hanging out the bottom of your underwear—these are shorts, Jake—you always walked around the apartment half-naked, and went out in public only a quarter-naked. But with the high temperature, you can’t bear the thought of wearing anything more.

“Jake, have you seen the rest of the bubblegum?” You turn around, smirking as his eyes snap to your face.

“Uh, I had the last one.”

“Oh.” You deflate, wrapping your lips around the straw and sucking again.

Jake immediately sits up, already patting his pockets for his wallet. “Sorry, I can run to the store and get more—”

“It’s okay.” You shrug, stepping towards him and gently rubbing your fingers through his hair. His eyes fall shut in bliss as you scratch his head, but then they shoot open as you roughly yank his head back, pressing it into the back of the couch.

His words go muffled as you capture his mouth in yours, tongue slipping between his lips as you moan. Tightening your fingers in his blond hair, you pull away, breathing heavily.

“What—”

You pat his head, “thanks, baby.” You grin, then blow a pink bubble.

Jake pants, nodding stiffly. “Y-You’re welcome, I’ll—uh, get more tomorrow.” His voice is raspy and lower as a slight bulge appears in his pants. He inhales sharply as you strut away, answering a call on your phone as your bedroom door shuts.

The blond slumps, squeezing his eyes shut as his hand ghosts over his cock. “—I think I can hear your boner, Jensen.”

“Shut up, Colin.” Jake huffs, peeking down the hallway. He sees your shadow moving under your door, and with his headset on, he can barely hear you speaking on the phone.

“Dude, you’re fucking whipped.” Johnny pipes up, laughing.

“I know.” Jake sighs dreamily, tasting some of your cherry slushie on his tongue.

“And you two aren’t even dating.”

“We—sometimes, we kiss and sleep together, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I didn’t say there was.”

“No, there’s definitely something up with that–not wrong, just weird. You’re both exclusively together without being together.” Bucky’s voice comes through.

“And you took her home for the holidays and New Year.” Steve chimes in, “Didn’t you go to that destination wedding last summer—where was it, Rome?”

“Not Rome but in Italy,” Colin says.

“No, it was Jamaica.” Johnny corrects, “I remember because of those bikini photos she posted, and as scandalous as it was, she was still wearing more than last Halloween.”

“I didn’t even know they made skirts that short.” Steve murmurs.

Bucky hums, “Oh, shit, I asked her to dance with me that night, but she was too caught up in Jensen’s costume malfunction—”

“Can you all shut the fuck up?” The blond grumbles.

“Not until you ask that babe to be yours! Unless, you need a wingman, Jensen.”

“Maybe he doesn’t only have trouble asking her out… early erectile dysfunction can happen in your 20s.”

Colin clears his throat, “Symptoms include loss of sensitivity of your dick, difficulty getting and maintaining an erection—”

Jake scoffs, if his friends were here, he’d kick them all in the balls, one after the other. “My dick is phenomenal and I fuck her just fine—”

“Fine? Is that what she calls it?” He switches to a higher-pitched voice, “Uh! Jake! This feels so fine—”

“I made her pass out on her birthday—nine orgasms. Bet you’ve only seen that shit in porn, asshole.”

A slew of laughter comes through his headset, loud cackles from everyone, Colin included. “All right, I bow to your greatness, o’ orgasm king—teach me your ways.”

“Us—teach us your ways, Jensen. Can’t keep all that knowledge to yourself.”

“Well, you have to know who you’re with, all their spots—”

“What’s her spot?” Colin interrupts.

“I’m not telling you, asshole.”

“C’mon! If you strike out, I’ll swoop in, it’s science.”

Jake rolls his eyes, he knows his friends are joking, but they’re still dickheads. He opens his mouth, about to respond, but your door swings open. You appear, wearing a cute little dress and sneakers, “Sue is having relationship troubles, is Reed online?”

“Uh, no.”

“Is that her?” Bucky asks.

“Well, Reed is being a jerk so I’m going to meet up with Sue. We might go to the mall or something.”

Jake ignores the oohs from his friends as you turn around, pulling the white fabric of your dress around your ass.

“Can you see my panties?” You ask, and he shakes his head, “Okay, I’m just wearing a thong anyway.”

“Shit, ask her to send me a picture—”

Johnny’s words fade away as you sit on his lap, cupping his bearded chin in your hands. Then, lightly tugging the headband of his headset to bring him closer, and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. Similar to before, you slip your tongue in his mouth, moaning softly, his controller drops to the ground and his hands grip your hips tightly.

You lean back, blinking slowly, “Mhm, I’ll be back later, wait up for me so we can order dinner?”

Jake hums, pulling you closer for one last kiss. As you leave, slurping your slushie and blowing him a cute kiss, he wonders if all roommates and friends—whatever you were—do that too.

As exams come to a close, you have more free time, which means more time at home. Walking around half-dressed and smelling soft and creamy after each of your self-care nights. Just like tonight, after your relaxing spa session, you dress in one of Jake’s t-shirts.

Jake stiffens as you sit next to him, the cushion dipping with your weight. The smell of your soap and lotion distract him momentarily before he’s immersed in the game again. The volume of his headset is loud, but not loud enough to drown out your sigh.

You’re reclined back, head resting on the armrest as your hands drag along your exposed tummy. The softness of your flesh catches his eye, his fingers still for a few seconds before Colin is shouting at him, “Jensen, fucking move!”

His head snaps back to the television and he’s so absorbed into the game that he doesn’t peek at the object that lands in his lap. His skillful digits glide over the buttons, as the screen flashes quickly with gun firing and bright explosions. Other players are eliminated before his eyes, the rank of his squad climbing swiftly. As the round ends, he fist-pumps, cheering along with his friends as they recall their winning moves.

Bucky whoops, “Hell yeah, haven’t had a game that good in a while, boys.” They all start discussing the next round, Jake suggesting some strategies too. Pride fills his chest as Steve and Colin praise him—then he remembers the fabric in his lap.

The cotton is very familiar, mostly because he remembers you stuffing them into his hand before walking into the empty aisles of the campus library during one of your study sessions-turned-hook-up. For such a cute pair of panties, you sure loved taking them off.

Jake faces you, his blue eyes widening as your fingers press knuckle deep inside your pussy. Your gaze locked on his face as you massage your breast under the material of his shirt, a little whimper leaving your lips as you reach that little rough patch.

“—Jake was fucking standing out in the open like a dumbass!”

“Admiring the sky, Jensen?” Johnny laughs.

The man gulps, watching as your fingers pierce into your hole, stretching your tightness as your arousal spills out.

Pulling out, you spread your juices around your petals, wet noises filling the room, “Daddy, I couldn’t help myself.” You moan, raw bitten lips parted.

“It’s okay,” He breathes, feeling himself thicken in his shorts.

“What’s okay?”

“Nothing—I’ll be right back.” Jake shuts off his headset and pauses the game. He doesn’t know how long you’ve been doing this—but he knows you’re already close and he deeply regrets not glancing over earlier. It’s automatic as he reaches out, pushing his thumb into your mouth before bringing his hand to your cunt, applying pressure to your neglected nub.

“Daddy—ah!” You cover your mouth, thighs twitching as heat builds up in your belly. Jake quickly crawls between your legs and moves the mic, his lips latch onto your clit as he shoves your hand away.

Your fingers wrap around the headband of his headset and you use it to keep him close as your hips thrust up to meet his mouth. Nearly riding his face. Behind his slightly foggy glasses, his eyes are trained on you and your back arches as his tongue flicks against your clit, three of his thick fingers sliding deep inside you. Your wetness drips between his awaiting lips. Jake groans at your taste, using one hand to pull you closer as he feasts like a starved man.

“Fuck—you were just touching yourself next to me?” He growls, spitting sloppily on your pussy, slapping it for good measure. “Dirty girl, what was on your mind?”

“You—fuck, please don’t stop!” You whine, legs swinging over his broad shoulders and locking him in place. You were already on the brink and with him devouring your poor cunt, you can’t hold back. “I just—I was thinking about you.”

“Me? You’re a sweetheart.” Jake pins you down as your high hits, your juices squirting into his mouth and on his chin, he grinds into the couch, “That’s it, cum for daddy, baby, get me all messy.” He drinks you down greedily, watching you gasp and squeal. He slowly mouths against your core as your high bleeds into tiny shocks, dipping his tongue into your hole then, dragging the muscle up to your throbbing clit.

You squeal when he suckles the nub again, growling against you. He leans back and slips his fingers between your folds, strumming your clit and barely slipping inside your cunt, he does this until you try to push him away. After a final slap to your pussy, he pulls away and loudly sucks his soaked fingers.

Jake kisses from your thigh to your knee, “Are you okay?” He shifts, the tightness in his pants becoming unbearable.

Still tingling from your orgasm, you hum softly. “Mhm, I love when my boyfriend makes me feel good.”

Jake’s heart stops in his chest, all the air escaping his lungs, “Boyfriend?”

You nod slowly, blinking at him. “Yeah, you’re my boyfriend.”

“I am?” Oh, He’s so cute when he’s confused, your heart gushes, but your mind is saying something much different. “I mean—I am, I am, duh.”

“Jake,” you sit up, his shirt falling to your thighs. He does the same, carefully watching you as you put a hand on the back of his neck, “Did you think I let just any guy have me? Nothing wrong with that, but did you think I was that kind of girl?”

The blond opens and closes his mouth several times, and you try to ignore your arousal on his face.

“I asked you to be my boyfriend in that present I gave you months ago. The little blue bag with the yellow ribbon?” You frown.

Jake goes pale, “I thought that was the present for the secret Santa with our friends.”

You slap a hand over your face, a heat blooming all over your body, “that’s why Ransom was staring at me all night—you dork, I put a nude polaroid and a pair of my panties in that bag!”

“I’m sorry! Holy fuck, holy fuck.” Jake repeats, whipping out his phone to text his friend—I need that present from Christmas ASAP.

“I thought you accepted, that’s why we fucked that night.”

He just took that night as another one of your friendly roommate hookups—but looking back, you did seem softer, more loving—he feels like an idiot.

“Hold on, let’s get one thing straight, I obviously want you, so much that I lose all brain cells whenever you’re around. I just, fuck, I didn’t know,” Jake fears his chances with you are diminishing by the second. “I-I was gaming when you told me.”

Narrowing your eyes as he cowers slightly, you sigh, he’s a dumbass, but he’s your dumbass.

“You and your gaming, you’re lucky I’ve been telling everyone we’re dating—it’d just be humiliating to tell them we’re done already.” You cradle his jaw, feeling the rough hair under your palms.

“You’ve told people? Oh, thank fuck.” His cheeks flush red, he tries to kiss you but you lean away. “Baby, let me kiss—”

“—Since you like gaming so much, you can keep playing, daddy.” You reach over and unmute the headset, hitting play on the controller before settling on your knees between his spread thighs.

“Finally! What took you so long?”

Jake blinks owlishly as you pull down his pants, after rubbing over the growing bulge that first made an appearance when you walked out in your underwear. Jake happens to also be quite gifted between his legs—he’s the biggest you’ve ever had. Heavy and full balls, his cock is long, girthy and veiny, with a fat red leaking tip, you can’t help but collect his seed on your tongue. Moaning softly at the taste.

“Jensen?” Jake hears Bucky’s voice over the sound of you spitting on your hand.

“Uh—fuck,” he groans, muscles tensing when your hand wraps firmly around his length, but he’s too thick for your fingers to meet. You smile up at him, wet lips stretched wide as you start moving your hand, dragging it up and down his thickness. “I’m here, I’m—good.”

“Uh, you sure, bro? You sound a little off.”

You spit on the head, licking from base to the tip before sucking it into your mouth. The heavy weight on your tongue makes you clench your sticky thighs. You could feel yourself dripping.

“Y-Yeah, let’s just fuck—fucking play.”

The familiar intro music plays in his ears, but he can still hear your sloppy noises as you drool on his length. His hips jerk, shoving himself further between your lips. You gag before relaxing your throat, allowing him to slowly fuck your mouth, saliva escaping from the corners of your lips with each motion. Your watery eyes meet his, pleading for more, you loved when he took control.

Colin’s voice draws his attention to the television again, his fingers moving over the controller mechanically. His hips slow to a stop, and his chest rises with each breath, his quiet grunts get picked up by the microphone.

“Shit,” he groans as you suck one of his balls in your mouth, massaging the other. His eyes almost flutter shut.

“Yeah, these guys are assholes—Steve, take this ammo.”

“Mhm, I love your cock, daddy,” your voice is quiet, slightly silenced by his sack. Pulling away, you bring the tip back to your mouth, massaging his balls with your free hand.

Jake sighs, resting his controller on your head, using it to pull you closer, his thighs tense as his tip hits the back of your throat. He starts thrusting again, fucking your mouth gently, “That’s it—take it.”

Steve laughs, “Yeah, I’m trying to get to him, Jensen.”

Your vision blurs as his fat girth stretches your lips. Taking everything he has to offer—more of his thick and lengthy cock all the way down, until his trimmed pubic hair touches your nose. He keeps you there, soaking in the warmth of your mouth, then releasing you. Popping off lewdly, a string of saliva connects his red leaky tip to your lips.

You lick up the veins, kissing messily. “Tastes so good, I want you in the back of my throat.”

Your wetness drips down your thighs as he firmly locks his controller behind your head again. This time, he isn’t as gentle. Giving you what you asked for—hitting the back of your throat and sinfully choking you on his shaft. Delicate tears slip from your eyes, a stark difference to the roughness of his motions. It’s undeniably loud and slobbery, you wonder if the rest of the men could hear everything—you hope so.

He uses you, gaze flickering between your flushed face and the television. He switches between a slow pace and a faster one, letting you thoroughly taste his cock and mark him with your drool.

“Good gir—game, good game, guys.” Jake fumbles, pursing his lips when you cradle his balls in your hand, while the other braces against his thigh, your nails digging in as he fucks your throat.

“We aren’t done yet—Johnny, what the fuck was that!” Bucky exclaims.

“I don’t know—Jake, where the hell are you?”

“P-Please give me your cum—” You’re cut off by Jake shoving himself into your mouth again, hips rising off the couch with every pump and he forces you to meet his thrusts. His balls dully slap against your chin, your muffled cries are far better than the gunshots and explosions going off in the game. His abs clench, a stream of pleasure flowing through his body and taking over.

“Fuck,” He groans. Your head bobbing up and down, as he marvels at the drippy mess your face is. “I’m—”

“—Ah, fuck! I’m down!”

“—Coming!” Jake’s jaw falls slack, a low groan rumbling his chest as he fills your mouth to the brim. His seed splashes along the inside of your mouth and coats your tongue, so much that you’re practically choking on it. He knows this and pulls you off so the last streaks land on your face, filthily marking you.

You hum and swallow every bit of his cum, opening your mouth to show him. He tiredly smiles down at you, sitting pretty and wreaked on your knees, your cheeks and chin painted with his seed, the game long-forgotten.

“—and I’m fucking dead! Jensen, where the hell were you!”

The television flashes with defeat, the team letting out various groans of frustration as the screen turns black.

“He said he was coming.”

“Well, he lied and I died—thanks a fucking lot, Jensen.” Johnny huffs.

“Shut up,” Jake heaves, eyes dark as you swipe the globs of cum from your face. You giggle, sucking his seed from your fingers, keeping sultry eye contact. “I still got us to the checkpoint, while you fucked around.”

“Did you just run a mile? Why do you sound like that?”

You lay your head on his thigh, “hi, boys! Are Steve and Bucky there too?”

Jake shuts his eyes as the oohs flow in.

“And he said I fuck around—dude was getting railed.”

You have to strain your ears to hear that reply, but it’s worth it. After you crawl into Jake’s lap, you turn the microphone towards your mouth.

“He actually just fucked—or railed—my throat,” your voice cracks, “so, while you were costing the whole squad the game and being a dick, Storm, my boyfriend was making sure I knew who I belonged to by choking me on his big dick.”

Jake, still red-cheeked and a little sweaty, just stares at you. Wide blue eyes glued to yours as a quiet “damn” filters through his headset.

“Wait, boyfriend?”

Finally, he grins and flips you over so you're under him. “I’ll talk to you guys later.”

“We’re in the middle of a game—”

The connection cuts when his headset switches off, it clatters on the coffee table along with the controller as he settles between your thighs. His fingers rub between your bare folds, smearing your sticky juices.

Jake smirks, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, “Remember how good nine felt? How about we try for ten, baby?”

𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: I love the ‘we’re dating but you don’t even notice’ trope, and it fits Jake perfectly in my opinion. I love him, hehe. I hope you enjoyed this !

As always, I’m open for your thoughts/feedback.

I don’t do taglists anymore. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝐅𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 & 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲: @𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲

[sunnysunoo]

Love Letters ; Sim Jake

Pairing: Jake X Reader

warnings: explicit language and cursing

word count: 3k words

genre: friends to lovers au! fluff with tiny pieces of crack lmao

Jake was always known for being this perfect guy in school. I mean, they're not wrong. They always described him as if he's this walking piece of art in the hallways. People would stop to just stare at him. You'd stare at him all day too, but you set priorities first: writing him love letters.

You're no Lara Jean, but I guess you can say that she's what inspired you to write Jake letters. Who needs Peter Kavinsky when Jake Shim exists anyways?

note: Not me completely disappearing off of tumblr for like months and then showing up again suddenly lol. I got really busy the past few months since I was completing requirements for school, and I really didn't have the motivation to do anything at the time so I took so time off to take care of myself first so I hope you understand :) But now since it's summer break, I am given at least 2 more months until I go back to school in August :)) Here's the long-awaited Jake imagine that I completely forgot about lmao hope you enjoy <3

P.S I finished writing this at 1:26 am so please excuse the really shitty plot and grammar ill rewrite it once i wake up

tag list: @cha-raena ( sorry for the rlly late post bestie )

Dear Jake, First of all, I will never call you Jaeyun because calling you by your English name makes me feel like I'm your friend. Calling you by your Korean name makes us feel like we're cold strangers to one another and I don't want that. I want us to be something more than that, but it's hard when you don't even know who I am. I'm surprised how you don't grow tired of me just dropping letters right into your locker every time you open it, and that's one of the things I love about you. You don't just throw away people's efforts and you treasure them with care. It makes my heart beat so fast as if I ran miles away from here.

We're already one year left until we graduate high school, and I don't want to end my high school years without you realizing my feelings for you. I know for sure that you would never reciprocate the feelings that I have towards you, so I want to treat this as closure in case we do forget about each other in the future. Yours truly,

Moon

__

"How is this person not over you? That's like the tenth one this month," Jay said, looking over Jake as he reads the letter from his secret admirer. Jake has always been receiving these letters from the same person everyday for the past four months. He's thankful for the letters because they definitely make his day better, knowing that there's someone out there who loves him as who he is regardless of looks. He's not gonna lie that these little notes and letters make his heart race too. "Do you have any plans with finding the person behind the letters?" Jay asked as he watches his best friend trying to hide the small smile that's been growing. No one really knows who this mysterious person is and why they decided to name themselves the moon, but we don't judge anyone in here. If they want to be the moon in their next life, then so be it. "I really want to find the person who's making these letters," Jake shoved the letter in his backpack, trying to not wrinkle it. "But I don't know where to start." "Who's finding who?" A voice popped suddenly beside the presence of the two boys. You leaned beside the locker beside Jake's, watching him as he grabs his books from his locker. "Did Moon drop your daily letter today again?" "They did as usual," Jake wasn't even surprised. He would expect the letters every time he enters the school in the morning. He would open his locker to see the usual small letter placed inside his locker. He usually arrives at seven or earlier, but he's surprised that he could never even catch a glance of this anonymous sender around the campus. "Should I go to school at five in the morning?" "Five in the morning? Isn't that a bit too early?" You questioned, followed by a shaky breath. "The school doesn't even open until six." "I could just walk to that nearby convenience store I always pass by to grab a coffee." He argues, closing his locker shut before walking towards his classroom.

You and Jay followed beside him, and you sneered under your breath, "You don't even wake up to your alarm clock."

"Why don't you even want me to go early anyway?" He glances as you try to give him an answer. But before you could say something, Jay replies first.

"You’re probably hiding something." He said. You rolled your eyes and narrowed your eyes at him. "You are so weird." You grunted, before walking ahead of them. You feel panicked because you were scared that you made yourself obvious to them.

__

You were inside your classroom sitting on your desk. There were only fifteen minutes left before lunch, but you had eaten your packed meal before instead of going to your school cafeteria. You were fidgeting in your place, conflicted about Jake finding his secret admirer, not knowing that it was you who's been sending him letters the past few months. You're not scared of him finding out that the letters were from you; that was the entire reason why you wrote him letters in the first place. You're scared of how he was gonna confront you about it. Would he like you back? Would he hate you? Would he avoid you?

Your mind was full of scenarios but you were suddenly brought back to reality when a hand planted itself on your desk. You look up and saw Jay standing in front of you, eating sushi with his other hand. His face kinda looks like he knows something, and it's freaking you out a bit.

"What?" You asked, suddenly flustered over how his eyes stared right into you. He took the seat in front of your desk and flipped it so it was facing you. He sat down and blurted the phrase that you were dreading to hear from anyone.

"So, you like Jake?"

You suddenly feel like punching him in the face with his sushi.

"What??" Your body felt like, and you were left a nervous mess. Your heart like it was going to pump right out of your chest any minute, and your hands started to sweat.

Jay's mouth formed into a smirk. He caught you. "Jake may be a bit oblivious, but I can totally see right through you."

“Haha...no you don’t,” You tried to deny, but it was all useless when his expression looked unconvinced.

“Oh yeah? Then why are you all red? You look like a bursting tomato.”

“You don’t know that," You leaned further into your seat, playing with the strings of your hoodie.

“C’mon Y/N, you’re not even trying. Just give up and admit it,” Jay was trying to help you confess your feelings for Jake. Frankly, he knew it was you sending him letters this whole time—how can Jake not see it?

With a heavy sigh, you slumped and laid your head on your desk, embarrassed. “Fine. I like him, okay? Are you happy now?”

The smirk on his face grew wider, feeling proud of himself. You are not dealing with his annoying crap this early in the morning. He grinned and munched on his half-eaten sushi. “I knew it.”

“Congratulations,” It was muffled because you hid your red face away from him. All that was on your mind now was how you could book yourself a flight all the way across the world.

“But seriously, since when did you have a crush on him?” You raised your head to face him, giving him a look that could kill, except Jay finds it entertaining rather than intimidating.

“I started having a crush on him when we were in fifth grade. It was at a friend's birthday party, and he saw me being all quiet and lonely. Honestly, I forgot who’s birthday that was.” You told him the very first time you had discovered feelings.

“He saw how sad I looked so he accompanied me the whole time. He was even trying to feel more included in the games and stuff.” You felt a smile ghosting on your lips as you can still vividly remember how you felt your heart tug the first time. “It was kinda like I fell in love at first sight.”

Jay faked a gag, so you lightly punched him in the shoulder. He may be a bit of an asshole, but he’s one the most caring and kind people you’ve ever met. It honestly felt good spilling out your feelings about Jake to him.

Speaking of, Jake was watching you two play around and laugh at Jay's little jokes from outside, and he felt something burning from inside him. Was it that he felt jealous of you and Jay?

No, he can’t be...right?

Maybe it was because of how he felt separated from you and Jay because of him being a separate class.

Yeah, maybe it's because of that.

__

Dear Jake,

I just had the most bizarre day today, and I felt like telling you about it.

It was chemistry period, and we had to be partnered with someone for a lab project. I ended up getting paired with Yeojin. We kinda created this unexpected friendship, which I love. We would crack jokes at each other, tell funny stories, it was so fun to be with her that we had completely forgotten about our project. So now, we both got a detention slip for making an accidental explosion.

How about you? How was your day? I hope it was just as fun as mine. If you feel like the day just wasn't as happy or you're feeling down, just now that it's okay to feel that way because days like these just lasts for 24 hours. It will be all over before you know it and you'll be greeted by another day. Maybe it will be different, and you would be all happy again just like how my day went. Maybe being with you would be my happiest day yet, and I couldn't wait for that day to come. See you soon :)

Love,

Moon

__

"Yeojin!" Jake called, seeing her walk down the opposite way. "Hey, mind if I ask you something?"

"Hey Jake," She greeted him with a smile. "Sure, go ahead."

"Could you perhaps give me any information about your partner in Chemistry?" He had hopes of getting any kind of description about his mysterious sender, but he was instead given a sad frown on Yeojin's face.

"Sorry Jake, but that person told me not to tell you about their information." She gave an apologetic smile. "I wish you all the best in finding them!"

Jake muttered a small "okay," and sighed before walking away, feeling defeated.

Yeojin knew that he was gonna ask about Moon the moment he called her from across the hall. She couldn't wait to tell you about this.

__

"Hey Y/N," A voice said from behind. You turned around to see Jake with his backup hung on his shoulder. He brought his hand up and raked his hair, and you felt your face grow red. Jake is like a gift from the gods. How can someone look so ethereal even if they're just standing there? You could stare at him all day. You couldn't even understand a thing he said until he started waving his hands in front of you.

"Hello?" You blinked multiple times as you were brought back out to reality. You saw Jake's face grow into concern. "Are you okay? spaced out."

"O-oh..No, I'm completely fine." You reassured him, feeling embarrassed. "What were you saying again?"

"I was asking you if you wanted to go to school with me early tomorrow."

Well, shit.

Your eyes started to go wide, and your hands started to go clammy.

"Tomorrow?" You repeated, voice trembling.

'Well, yeah." He pouted his lips, and you felt like melting into a small puddle in your place. Your heart started to pound heavily.

Oh my fucking god, he is so adorable.

"Okay, sure I can go with you tomorrow," You weakly smiled at him, slightly tense.

How we're you going to give him the letter now?

__

"Good Morning," Jake said as he watches you close the gates of your house. It was past five in the morning, and you were a mess.

"Morning," You replied back before running your fingers through your hair, getting rid of any flyaways.

As you started walking your way to the bus stop, Jake kept on glancing towards you from time to time. He knew you were pretty, but since when did you become really beautiful in his eyes?

The walk was pretty quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. For him, mostly.

Meanwhile, you couldn't stop freaking out. You had written a letter the night before, but you don't know how you were going to slip it into his locker without him taking notice. If he saw you, he would know.

"Are you sure you're okay? You've been like this since yesterday," Jake blurted. You looked at him before heaving a sigh.

"It's nothing," You mouthed, suddenly feeling anxious and gloomy.

"Something on your mind?"

"Something like that." It was hopeless. I guess he would have to miss this letter today. It was the first time you skipped a day, and you're feeling guilty that you would have to see Jake's face sadden that he wouldn't receive it today.

As you two stop at the bus stop, Jake looked slightly panicked as he was rummaging through the pockets of his blazer before looking through his bag. "Hey, do you have an extra pen? I left mine at home and I have a quiz today."

You snickered, "Out of all the days, Sim Jake. The same day you have a quiz is the same day you forget your pen."

"Very funny." He scoffed.

As you unzipped your bag to grab your pencil case, a folded piece of paper fell out without you realizing it. When Jake went to pick it up, he notices that it was folded the same way as the letters in his locker. It looked so identical.

Once you already got your pencil case out, you were about to hand it to him when you saw what he was holding that made your body freeze with your hand holding the case in the air.

"Why were one of my letters inside your bag?" He glanced at you, waiting for you to reply.

If you were freaking out before, this is a whole other thing. The thing that you were fearing the most is happening right before you.

"Maybe it fell into my bag yesterday..." You stammered, making up an excuse to look like it was an accident. You were tightly holding onto your pencil case, chanting many curse words in your head as you watch Jake unfold the letter.

"I don't think I've received this one yet," He said before he opened the letter and read it.

You watch as his expression formed into confusion as he reads through the paper. It only took a few moments before something in him clicked that it was you sending him the letters.

"Y/N," He began, and you started quivering in fear.

You should've known this would happen, but you didn't expect it to happen this sooner. In fact, you believed that this wouldn't happen at all. But it did.

"Let me explain," You eventually gave up and accepted fate and watch as your identity as "Moon" be revealed to your crush. You're now exposed so you didn't have any other choice but to explain everything. "Yes, I am Moon. I was the one writing you the letters that you've been getting in your locker."

Jake's face was unreadable. He looked bewildered and puzzled. He was trying to comprehend what was happening right now. All this time, it was you?

"I started crushing on you when we attended that birthday party before. I didn't want to confess my feelings for you because I was scared that you were going to harshly reject me, so I started writing down letters as a way to tell you how I feel about you without making you feel awkward around me." You continued, eyes suddenly taking an interest in your shoes. They were brand new too.

Jake was silent, and you felt your heart crack into pieces. You were mad at yourself for being so careless about it that he ended up finding out about you as his secret admirer. You wanted nothing else but to run back home, lock yourself in your room and cry with your sad playlist on loop.

You were expecting a harsh rejection coming from him, but what surprised was how he took dangerous steps towards you, minimizing the gap between you two. He placed his hand under your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

"I don't plan on rejecting you Y/N," You stare into his eyes as it reflects the sunlight of the early morning. "I'm actually happy that it was you."

You look at him, puzzled. He lowly chuckles under his breath before leaning over to place his lips against yours. It was a light, quick kiss, but it brought you feeling ecstatic. You've dreamed of this moment before, and now that it happened, you thanked your clumsiness.

As he pulled away, you were sure your face was a red mess.

"Thank you," His smile was as bright as the stars in the sky. It was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. "Thank you for making me like I'm special to someone."

You felt flustered over his words. You were scared that he could hear the sound of your heart pounding loudly. The butterflies in your stomach were going wild, and you felt like this was all a dream.

"So, what am I to you now?" You broke into a smile as he grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers with his.

Jake acted as if he was thinking, "Hm..maybe my best friend still?"

He bursts into a fit of giggles as he sees your smile slowly disappear, replacing it with a look of disbelief. You removed your hand from his and walked at a faster pace away from him.

He ran to match your pace beside you before holding your hand again, "I'm sorry, I won't ever do that again. Is my girl mad at me?"

"Oh my god, it's only five-fifty, Jake." You too broke into laughter over his cheesiness, but your heart fluttered over the thought of Jake calling you his.

__

HERE’S A LITTLE BONUS! since I've made you guys wait for 4 months :(

"What the fuck?" Was the first thing You heard from Jay as you and Jake entered the classroom. All of your classmates were staring at your and his hands intertwined together.

Jay stood in front of you two, crossing his arms together. "Can one of you explain when this happened?" he motioned towards your linking hands. You and Jake smiled at each other before walking away, leaving Jay in a fit of joy, and confusion.

[seminalstudy]

Hey everyone! I recently completed my first semester of college with a full course load (18 credits) and all As, and I thought I could share some of the things that have (and haven't) worked for me these last few months. This is just going to be on dorm life, but I'll probably do some on organization and school work in the future. I do go to a pretty small school so my experiences may not be applicable to everyone, but I hope somethings on this list may help!

Roommates can be pretty hit or miss, and if it's the latter, talk to your resident assistant! My first roommate was nice enough but we had very different ways of living. I had become closer friends with one of my suitemates so we talked with our RA and managed to switch with little issue. If you're not satisfied with your roommate situation, it won't get better, so get help!

A great habit to get into is making your bed every morning. If you're rushing to a morning class, at least make it once you get back to your dorm. Your room can be spotless, but a messy bed can ruin the effect. A made bed will also make it less likely for you to get back in bed when you should be doing something more productive!

Make sure you talk with your roommates/suitemates about shared living spaces - when the bathroom gets cleaned, where everyone gets to store their stuff, etc. This will prevent future conflict if sorted out early in the year!

Leave your door open as much as possible! I know a lot of people recommend this, but it's really amazing how many people will stop by and chat, I've made a couple good friends because of doing this (plus it helps keep the room cooler if your window is open in the summer because the air can circulate).

A Keurig and/or a hot water boiler are really useful. Coffee shops on campus can get expensive even with the flex cash, and it's really nice to make a cup of tea at the end of a long day.

Fairy lights are your friend. My roommate and I hate the harsh, fluorescent lights the college gave us, so we picked up 5-6 strands of white lights and swooped them from wall to wall across the ceiling. They illuminate the room with warm light and make it really cute! We're a little extra sometimes but a couple of strands can go a long way.

Pillows are a must have. Whether your bed is on the floor or lofted like mine, they make the room so much more inviting and your bed way comfier!

You don't need a TV or a microwave, but the latter is useful. TVs just take up precious storage space and it's honestly easier to stream shows on your phone or laptop. Microwaves are super useful, but lots of people have them, so you can just make friends with other people on your floor - most of the people I know are really chill about letting others use theirs.

Get some shower shoes, please. I fortunately don't have floor wide communal bathrooms, but I do share a shower with three other people, and that floor is a breeding ground for bacteria.

On that note, make sure the bathroom gets cleaned at least once a week. Shower, toilet, sinks, the works. This really helps reduce the likelihood of getting sick, which can really cut down on your productivity. I really like Clorox or Lysol wipes - they can be used on practically anything!

It's also important to wipe down surfaces in your room every 1-2 weeks, plus it makes your room smell better!

College vacuums are nasty and smell bad, so it's a good idea to pick up at least a small hand-held vacuum to clean up your area each week. You'd be surprised how much can accumulate on the floor.

This one's optional, but a cute, durable rug can really make your room nicer. I got mine from Home Depot for around $40 which is a bit of an investment, but it's so much nicer than the old college carpet.

Lofting your bed(s) really does save space. I've grown up with a loft so the small under space for my desk and shelves isn't a problem for me. My current bedframe doesn't allow you to raise it up, but if yours does and you have enough floor space for your other furniture, that can be even more precious storage space.

Open your window shades! It's nice to get natural light, and if you get enough, you can even keep little plants on your window sill!

Some RAs put in more effort than others, but make an effort to go to floor or building wide events, you might have a great time. These are often on weeknights, so they're a nice break from studying.

Beware of air freshener. Yes, college dorms often don't smell great, but you will quickly be desensitized to the scents you choose, so it can start to smell too strong to others. I like using linen spray, it keeps your sheets and room smelling fresh but isn't too overpowering.

Make your desk area your own. My roommate and I are different in that she loves to be minimalist, whereas I love cozy clutter. I have lots of pictures and art of family, friends, and home on my walls and shelves whereas she has everything in neat containers or drawers, and a single tapestry on the wall. Do whatever makes you happy.

Your room should ultimately be the place where you can chill after a long day, so try not to do as much of your studying there. It's nice to get out and go to the library or a new coffeeshop for work so your room can just be for relaxing in. However, your room should still be set up in a way where you can be productive - especially during finals or when the weather is too bad to go out in.

This one applies to me mostly, but you don't need to bring all of your stationary and notebooks with you. There's not necessarily going to be enough room for it all. I'm still working on this, but you probably don't need eight sets of pens for college.

Invest in a speaker or speakers if you haven't already. I've made my room super homey, and one of the biggest ways is by having music almost always playing - not necessarily loudly but just enough that I'm not sitting in silence all the time.

It may be tempting to stock your mini fridge with ice cream and microwave meals but try to fill it with other things! Frozen berries, yogurt, chia or flax seeds, milk (or almond milk if you're lactose intolerant like me), some water bottles or cans of pop. It's nice to be able to reach for a healthy snack without having to trek over to the dining hall or campus store.

Decorating your dorm for the season or holiday can be really fun and a nice break from studying. My roommate and I hung tons of ornaments from the ceiling for Christmas which looked really cute, and we decorate our door for each month. It can be a bit time consuming, but it's just a fun thing to consider.

Take time at least once a week just to tidy up. Wash dishes, put laundry away, file papers, vacuum. For me, cleaning up helps reboot my brain, and I find myself to be way more productive with a clean area.

Those soft fleece blankets are really great for cuddling in when you're sick, tired, it's your time of the month, etc. (I have two but you probably just need one)

Don't do you laundry over the weekend unless you've gotten up early. Everyone does it then, so try to find a free morning or afternoon during the week to do it.

On that note, a drying rack is super useful. You can save money by not putting your clothes through a drying cycle, and just let them air dry. This also makes your room smell good!

I live in Michigan so summers get hot and winters are freezing. Fans (plural) are a must have if your dorm has no AC, I have a desk fan and a tall room fan. Blankets and warm pjs and slippers really help in getting through the cold season.

Make friends with someone who has a car on campus if you don't have one! This can be really useful especially for late night trips to Meijer.

At the end of the day, your dorm should be your happy place. Keep it clean, well stocked, and cute, and your college experience will be even better!

I hope some of these tips were useful! Keep an eye out for the next post in this series, and good luck in the new year to all of you!

-B

[hitchcock-eastern-hemisphere]

Tuesday 9.21.21

I feel like it's been a week since I got here. I've walked probably 20 miles in the last three days. Let's see where to start.

Sunday morning I went to Costa's for coffee and breakfast, apparently it's a big coffee chain here. Around lunch time, I went to meet a friend K (I will shorten all names for confidentiality) from my cohort on LSE campus. I'd never been on it before!

We immediately left and walked across the bridge to Southwark (pronounced Suthark, apparently). It was drizzling and everything was pretty grey, it felt pretty enchanting in a dreary London kind of way. The whole south bank of the river around there is super built up, it feels like the Yards or the Wharf in DC near where I'm from.

We eventually ended up at Ristorante Olivelli for lunch, we both really felt like having pasta for some reason. It was a cute restaurant. We meandered around Vauxhall and then crossed the river again toward Pimlico, and we walked by Big Ben (I hope my gold production is now increased by 25% [hah, Civ 5 reference]) and Westminster Abbey. Big Ben was mostly blocked by scaffolding. Eventually, I split off and took the train back up to Tufnell Park. For dinner, I ate granola out of a whisky tumbler with a fork, so that's the type of life I'm pursuing now.

On Monday, I went to meet my friend N from the cohort at LSE campus. He had literally just arrived from NYC, and couldn't check into his hotel until later. We walked around LSE campus a bit more, and both bought some LSE clothing/etc at the school store. It's funny, a lot of the buildings are quite modern, but the way they're all tucked in together, it still feels kind of like a medieval street. Lots of cobblestone-ish roads, no real quad like I'm so used to at UChicago or Columbia (though I only spent a couple months at the latter, and I always found that campus to be not terribly welcoming).

I wanted to go to the bookstore Hatchards in Picadilly, which I thought would be a 15 minute walk. Instead, I dragged my friend on a like 40-minute march (keep in mind, this man just got off a red-eye flight to a country five timezones away from home). We made it, and I bought two books that looked related to my dissertation subject.

We were supposed to do a lot of work on that this summer and I did none, because I needed a five month break from that truly exhausting nine-month slog of virtual class and quarantine isolation. Anyway, we chilled at a Caffe Nero nearby for a while, then I left and bought a tennis racket+balls and a basketball at Lillywhites nearby. Yesterday afternoon, I bought some plants. I'll be filling my apartment with as many as possible while I'm here. Pictures soon.

Yesterday evening, I wanted to try this Ethiopiean restaurant Lalibela on Fortress Rd nearby, but I stood outside for like 20 minutes after their supposed opening time of 6, and they never flipped the closed sign to open. I also realized I was slightly under-dressed wearing only a tank top and shorts. So I walked across the street and ordered from Blue Moon Thai instead. While I was waiting, I went over to Sainsburys to buy a few things, and I think the security guard thought I was a suspicious loiterer because he followed me around most of the time I was in there.

I forget what else I did yesterday, but I went to sleep at 10-ish and actually slept through the whole night!! Which is a big deal, because the first night I woke up at 1 am and fell asleep again like an hour later. And then Monday night I woke up at 2ish and proceeded to text one of my friend, L, until like 3:45 am.

This morning, I walked over to Rustique Cafe, on Fortress Rd right near all the other things on Fortress Rd that I talk about. Inside, they have a bunch of bookshelves and all the books are for sale. And you can walk out the back and sit in a wonderful garden they have.

I also saw a cute cat walking around outside my building.

I got a cappuccino (UK cappuccinos always seem to be like 12-16oz, a traditional capp is supposed to be 8 lmao). Also, it has just become apparent to me that tumblr or Firefox spell-check does not recognize cappuccino as a word. It's 2021, boys.

Today, I might my friend K came up to Tufnell park because she was thinking about trying to get a room in my building. We walked to Workman's Cafe (where I went the first day I was here) and got lunch, which was cute. I like the vibe. When we were paying at the counter, I asked the guy if I could tip them and he stared at me for like 10 seconds. Apparently, tipping isn't really a thing here. Also, I'd been wanting to get a picture of the train tracks from the bridge near my apartment for a few days. Got it today. It makes me think of Persona.

We then walked all the way down Fortress Rd, which eventually becomes Kentish Town Road, to Camden. My best description of Camden is that it's basically like the Greenwich Village of London, with some Times Square elements on a couple blocks. Parts of it were really cool, other parts were cheapo London/Britain knick-knacks shops that looked like they belonged in wherever the equivalent of Midtown NYC is in London. We walked by this cool lock on the way.

We went to an anime store!!! that she found called Japan Craft. Manga shelves took up like half the store, and they had some posters, t-shirts, and figurines as well. And for some reason, some Harry Potter merchandise? Anyway, I didn't buy anything, but that's probably the best manga selection I've ever seen short of Kinokuni-ya in NYC, so I want to go back. And somehow, I forgot to take any pictures.

Afterwards, we walked over to this Italian Cafe to get coffee, and instead got a Rosé (K) and Peroni (me). I also had a Portuguese custard pastry. I'm too tired to remember the name of this cafe, but it was cute. We toured another apartment she's looking at near there, then I walked all the way back up to my apartment.

And immediately got changed and got on the tube back down south to LSE campus again, to meet my friend C who flew in yesterday! After a brief tour of LSE campus, I led her too on a long and partly unguided walk through Picadilly and Soho, and we eventually landed at Kissaten bubble tea shop right near Chinatown. I definitely got us lost because I wasn't looking at the map, which she was not thrilled about lol. The bubble tea was good and there were so many super flashily dressed people there. But they only had caffeinated options which is why I'm now up at 12:40 writing this, oops.

We also walked by a pub called Duke of Argyll, which is where the Scottish part of my family is from.

Afterward, we walked through Chinatown, which was absolutely enchanting. My friend C is from Shanghai, and I really like food from places all over China, so we were both excited.

We ended up sitting outside at See Woo, a dim-sum restaurant that had mapo tofu, which I name as my favorite food in the world. That's also one of the first things she and I ever talked about when we were becoming friends. We both want to learn Cantonese and she suggested we take it together.

I took the train up and got home a bit after 9. I continued my multiplayer Terraria game with my stepbrother H for a couple hours, and now I'm here. And I think I might finally be ready to go to sleep.

[benwade95]

i changed all the real names for fake names. this is what happened in second half 2012/ first half of 2013.

http://perfectbenz0.tumblr.com/post/58778147108/perfect-song

lexi was the most incredible girl i've ever met. she was almost my first love, she wasn't my first indeed because she didn't let me love her. we could've been something, but we weren't because suddenly, without explanation, se disappears of my life. but I'll tell you something curious, i wasn't; sad or brokenhearted...everyone who knew lexi would expect this from her.

she was so unique, she had the spirit of freedom. She had a light golden hair that matched with her hazel eyes, that were pure glow. She was so...her own. she used to tell she wanted to travel the world, and i don't doubt she is doing that nowadays. however she knew how to appreciate the little things of life, and I am so grateful she showed me that.

she liked to go to concerts of bands that no one has ever heard about, neither she. i guess the idea of sitting at a table in a corner of the bar alone was something appealing to her. and sometimes, early morning, she used to like to walk around the city, in silence, alone. at the time that no store was open and there were few people in the street. no music, just the sound of the great big portland. but she just liked to do that sometimes.

How I was saying, she knew how to appreciate the little things of life. When it is snowing, she just stop for a moment to appreciate every snowflake dropping from the sky and falling in her black coat from the north face, or falling right over her tiny reddish nose. When it was raining she became that one person who would jump in the puddles and get all her clothes wet, but she didn't care . lexi was too cool to care. I can't tell you what she used to do when the sun was shinning bright or when the flowers were growing, because, how I said, I didn't had much time with her.

Lexi was too cool for me, for everyone. the bad thing is that no one really noticed that. She appeared at school when I was at the middle of my junior year for the second time (yup i had to do my junior year two times because i used to suck in biology and other subjects). It was January and we had just came back from the winter break. We were at lab class and my partner was expelled so I was alone, lucky I was that she just entered at school and was going to be my partner. At first I didn't care, she wasn't hot or popular. She was cute, just cute. And I was hooking with jolie prinstson, a third year girl cheerleader.

jolie was half french, her grandparents were from France, so that's why the name.

So everything starts there, me and Lexi, biology lab partners.

We agreed to meet at cafe t',  a  café near our school that was more expensive than starbucks. She arrived there first, and when I saw her I knew there was something about her that was different of the other girls. She wasn't trying too hard, she wasn't even trying. She wasn't super flirty, or trying to be someone else to impress a guy or beeing slutty and stuff. She was just beeing Lexi.

When I arrived at that café, there she was. Sitted in a table on the corner of the restaurant reading a book. Harry Potter, what a clichê. With her messy bun, green-army jacket and round classes, she smiled at me and then she drinked her black coffe.

We obviously didn't make our work, we talked. talked and talked for hours and hours. That moment it was the one I knew I feel. She was so ambitous and talked passionately about travelling. She told me her mom's job requires her to move frequently. She has lived all around the world. she has a love-hate relationship with moving countries all the time.

first complaint; her mom always had new boyfriends and she hates that. she keeps in touch with her dad, that is from florida, her mom completely hated her dad, so their parents wouldn't; even talk. they met at college and her dad was an artist, and they really never dated but had lexi accidentally. after a few years trying to live together they had these huge fight and they now hate each other. 

second complaint; she has an awful relationship with her mom, that kinda doesn't give a shit to her. she wanted to live with her dad but he isn't financially able to live with her, and also her mom doesn't let her. 

She told when she lived at Australia, Perth more specifically. It was the first placed she moved in, she was five and didn't remember much. Than, at ten years old, there she went to South Africa, Cape town. And the city is pretty normal actually, people shouldn't get stuck into stereotypes, it's bullshit. Yeah, she met an elephant and a lion, that was named simba by the way, like the disney movie. And than between her mid thirteen and fifthteen she lived through europe. Manchester, Oslo, Barcelona, a city in France that I forgot the name, Amsterdam. Near her sixteenth birthday they moved back to USA. Than she lived one year in Boston, six months in New York City and than, there she was, here in Portland.

This whole thing of moving cities sounds exciting, but not for me. For her. And her australian-south african-little bit american accent she had , although she is American. She was born and raised until 5 years old in Tampa, Florida. Right now she is somewhere in the world, she constantly changes her number and she doesn't have facebook or twitter. I should try to find her on Instagram, but she probably uses a different name as her username.

I wasn't really into politics and this kind of stuff, even thought I am part of the LGBT community, I didn't really cared at all. She showed me that I had to care, that I had to fight for my right just like she fought for hers. She was so independent and used to talk about feminism in a really passioned way. I was always a really chill guy about stuff like equal rights, but the thing, quoting her: "it isn't effective if you are chill about it, you must do something." And she was right, she did something. She would go to that women's march and she really fought for equal rights, for every gender. She made me a better person.

So, after two months of talking about travelling and politics and don't doing the biology project, we finally agreed to come to my house and do the biology project. And we didn't do it, again. But this time was different, she was worried. She was kind of sad, and i asked what was the matter and she told she wasn't feeling well. I dropped her home and that was it. The next day she appeard at school, kinda depressed. And then, the other day she didn't appeard at school, and the following day too and the other one. She wouldn't answer my calls or texts, I tried to talked to a friend of hers but she didn't know about lexi. I was freaking worried, so I went to her house. One of her mom's opened the door and went talked to her.

"Sweetie, there is a friend of yours that came to visit"

"I don't want any visits"

So there was I, entering at her room. She was at her bed, with her purple pajamas. Adorable. Looking at her eyes I could't see that Lexi anymore, the strong independent empowering ambitious women. She was depressed.

"I was worried about you, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"There is something going on."

"I know, but it it bullshit."

"Lexi, we all go through hard times and it gets better when we have friends to help us."

"I know"

"You probably heard something about me in this school. About me being gay or stuff."

"Actually I heard something about you hooking up with some other boy and something like that."

"Let me explain you this-"

"You don't need to explain me nothing. It's high school, people talk shit all the time."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But I want you to know."

"Go ahead."

"So, it was last year's summer that this happened. I was kinda questioning myself about my sexuality but i kept it a secret. I was really insecure, still am. I had friends, but not actual friends. Like the real ones who would be there for you in any circunstantes. That made the situation worst. I was really into boys, like seriously into. A sixteen years old guy is like, super horny and have you seen zac efron shirtless in high school musical?" She laughed. "But girls were still hot as well. The thing is...hmm..Do you know Dylan, school team quarterback, a senior?"

"Yeah, he is hot, but looks like an asshole."

"He is. So Dylan's grandparents have a house in Eugene and Dylan's had some friends at the University of Oregon Campus. So we went to a party and hooked up with a guy in front of everyone. I was a bit drunk, and it was a pretty bad way to almost having sex; a random guy called Isaac. Anyways, back to school and everybody was talking about me hooking up with a guy. And my friends weren't the same, they were like no homo all time and calling me gay all time. I still don't get the calling me gay thing, I think they were trying to insult me. I told them Iam  bi, but they still didn't listen to me. The only guy at the football team that was listening to me was Tyler. That's how we became friends. People still don't listen to me , and everytime I try to hookup with a girl from school they always ask me If I was gay, and there I go, explaining my sexuality to everyone. That's how fucked up the world is."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For having shitty friends."

We were in silence for about five minutes and than I left. It was April and I still didn't understand why did Lexi was kinda of weird for the past months. Now she was okay again, the same happy, euforic Lexi. And we finally had to do our Biology work, so we met at her house, on friday.

I was still having this thing with Jolie, the cheerleader. It was my dumb way to prove to my fake third year friends I was somehow straight, I hadn't hooked up with boys since the incident. Maybe I had with one at winter break, but no one knows. So shhh.

He was lovely, with light brownish hair and some curls. We spent our Christmas at a ski station, Timberline. Fun Fact, they filmed a horror movie called The Shinning there. So I met this guy when my snowboard got stuck and I could't move, so he helped me. We became friends, he kissed me first, and we were a thing through 2 weeks. He was from Canada, he knew French and it was kinda sexy when he talked in french. okay, maybe i just realized i have a thing for people who have any relation with france. We were the same age but I was taller. I should have almost-lose my virginity to him, not the Frat guy that i don't even know the last name.

Anyways, my thing with jolie was still up, but nothing serious, for both sides. We were friends and she was a really cool girl, sometimes she would make a stupid observation, but she was still nice. She used to hook up with Ryan blunt , the captain of the Lacrosse team at School. Yeah, apparently Lacrosse is a thing.  She was asked me If i wanted a threesome with her and Ryan, and I said no. I don't wanted and he didn't too. This was one of the stupid things jolie would say.

Back to Lexi, friday at her house. Her mom wasn't there. A boy and a girl all alone at her room. This time we actually finished the project, thanks god. So we started a conversation that leaded to some kisses. We made out for twenty minutes straight and we stopped.

"You wanna order some pizza?" She asked. She was the most random person ever. I loved it.

"Sure."  

And we ordered our pizza, and we talked for a while. But the we were running out of talking.

"So, this guys from the frat house you hooked up with."

"What?"

"Was he your real first or your first time with a boy?"

"We hadn't  had sex, I just blew him. I had never had real sex."

"I had a boyfriend when I lived in Oslo, Norwegian boys are my type."

"So apparently I'm not your type."

"Your not, but I like you."

"Thanks, I guess."

"We almost had sex, me and this boy. But he backed off. So I had this other boyfriend in Boston, Aroon."

"Sorry to interupt, but how many boyfriends have you had?"

"Two, you silly. It's hard to have a boyfriend If you keep moving cities all the time."

"Fair."

"So, I had my first time with Aaron. He was a sweet boy and than he broke up with me because he said I was crazy."

"Oh."

"So you had never had sex with a girl huh?"  She asked.

And you know the rest of the story. Lexi had atitude. 

It was Monday again and the school had announced Saddie Hawkins prom, the one girls asks guys out. Jolie came to talk to me and asked me, so I said yes.  I was really surprised because I thought she was going to ask Ryan. She also asked me If I wanted to go somewhere after school with her, she was kind of upset because her grandpa had just died.

That same day Lexi came really excited and asked me If i wanted to go to prom with her. And I wanted to, but I said no. I promised Jolie I would go with her, so I explained that to Lexi. She said okay and gave me a little smile and left, I could see in her eyes she was upset. 

The next day I went to cafe t' with Jolie. When I arrived there Lexi was there at the same table in the corner that I almost fell for her. She was alone, but this time not waiting for anyone, she was with the same jacket and drank a little bit of her black coffe. No sugar or anything else, coffe was coffe and it should be appreciated without any exterior things, as she said. She saw me with Jolie and Left the café.

It was prom night, I picked up Jolie at her house and she was wearing a blue dress that would look better on Lexi. It was a fun night until we left and than she got really drunk and wanted to have sex with me. Of course I didn't, it would be rape. The next monday she thanked me for not raping her (?) , and also for taking care of her. She slept at my house, she couldn't arrive that drunk in her house.

The day I refused Lexi's invitation to prom until two weeks after prom Lexi didn't talked to me. I missed her, and everytime I tried to ask her out she would say she couldn't. I knew she was lying.

She made me feel kinda bad, for real. She is probably thinking I just wanted to bang her and leave, and it wasn't that. I wanted to be with her, but she wouldn't let me.

June arrived.  It was thursday and I was studying because the final tests starts on monday. It's eleven at night and something was hitting my window, I looked down to see what it was. And here we go again, it was her with a tight little black dress and some black converse.

I went downstairs quietly to meet her.

"What the fuck Lexi?"

"I think we should have some fun, it has been a long time we don't hang out."

"It's almost mid night."

"I know, and I thing you should change. Like, this pajamas are not really cool."

She was crazy, seriously, but I wouldn't breakup with her like the Aaron guy. So I changed my clothes and there we were going somewhere I had no Idea. She was driving.

After 20 minutes we arrived somewhere. At first I was bit scared, it was dark, but she was confident, just like she went there everyday. And I was right, she knew everyone at this strange tiny bar.

"'Night Mark." She said to the manager and

" What up Steve?" To the waiter

Remember when I said she used to go to local bands concerts that no one knew, this one of those. It was a classic rock band and they made some cool Guns n' roses covers.

She was fancy, I can say. She didn't drink beer or vodka, not even tequila or something. She was a champagne girl. For some reason she had quite a lot of money with her, she bought two small bottles of champagne, one for me and one for herself. I felt bad for not paying it, I know this is a sexist idea i have to get off of my mind. But I should have payed mine at least.

We went to a park near her house and got pretty drunk. I can't remember if we hooked up or not, I think we didn't. Anyways, when we sobered up a little bit she drove me house and we chatted a little bit in her car.

"Hmm...Ben." She said before I was leaving the car.

"What?"

"I want you to know something."

"What? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just want you to know that was really nice meeting you. you are an incredible person, and one day you will find a boy or a girl that will love you unconditionally, the way you deserve."

"what if i have already found that someone." i was referring to her, and she knew it.

"ben, you don't know me. "

"i don't?" i was starting to get mad at her

"nope. you just know what i letted you know, there is so much more."

"and i want to know the rest of it "

"ben, my love" she putted her arm over my shoulder. "before you think of dating me you need to know that i'm a huge mess. i have struggled with things for the past few years of my life. and there are nights i'm curled up on a ball on the floor and i won't talk to anyone. i'll shut you out, just like i did before. i'm not gonna be able to trust because everyone i knew during my life has always left or chosen someone else. i will need reassurance. i will need you. i will need you to keep choosing me. i'll need you to care when i text you saying i'm getting bad again." she takes a deep breath "i'm a lot. i know this. maybe that's why my past boyfriend broke up with me. so before you think i will be alway happy, and sometimes i will, that i will always be smiling- know the reality before you get involved. don't fall in love if you can't handled it." 

and i knew i couldn't handle her, so i kept silence. 

She gives me a soft kiss on my lips. "Goodbye Benjamin."  

And she left.

Forever.

one of our random hangouts, 2012, we shared the drink. we asked these random french guy to take a picture of us.