#the doctors prayer: that you live long enough to know what a dumbass you were

[inbabylontheywept]

Want Better Things

“You thought that was a bioweapon?” 

The translator broke down for a second as the creature did a sort of broken exhale. Connotations were all that came through. Vague implications. Pity, the software flashed. Disgust. Anger.

A pause as it decided.  

Sadism. 

Valta was already backing away. The final decision didn’t change his behavior, it just made the hall feel far, far too short. 

“I didn’t order it deployed. I didn’t make it.” 

The thing was staring at him, and he couldn’t look away. The two eyes moved in such perfect tandem that he didn’t think it was conscious. It only had binocular vision because it only needed binocular vision. Always the predator, never the prey. 

And now it was moving in on him. 

“Oh, but what if you had? Then I could tell you all the things that were wrong with it.” 

One of its hands - a sprawling, five fingered  spindly thing - traced carelessly along the station's walls. 

“No incubation period. Symptoms arrive within 40 minutes of exposure. No time to spread undetected. Minimum should be one week. Embarrassingly low.” 

The pressure the thing was putting on the wall increased, the gentle glide turning into a buzzing scratch. Humans were strong, but not strong enough to cut through metal like this. The suit had to be powered and clawed. 

“Spread through contact. Limited waterborne. No airborne. Intended mechanism of infection is viral load being put on hands from scratching, and then passed into the environment. Pathetically inefficient.” 

The translator was working, but the thing was overeunounciating each word. The meaning was being passed along by a clean, helpful voice in his suit, even as the sound was being passed on through the environmental speakers. And the sound was dreadful - clicks of ceramized bone jarring against each other, wet muscles modulating air into something sharp and rasping. 

“Mechanism of death? Lysis overload. Could be dangerous if it was transmitted into the lungs, but since the initial load tends to be dermal all we wind up with-”

It took its helmet off. 

It took its helmet off. 

It took its helmet off it took its helmet off it took its helmet off in a biozone it - 

It looked a little pink, actually. A little scratchy. It lifted a delicate, taloned hand and rubbed its face against it for a moment before finishing. 

“-is a rash.”

Valta’s prey drive had glued him to the spot. It was too close. The stupid, stupid part of his brain that still thought he was grazing on Duranga hoped that if he stood still long enough, it might not notice him. 

The human paused a moment before continuing. 

“Do you know why they sent me? Alphonse Ericsen, PhD, MD, civilian doctor, here to speak with you?”

Valta’s snout twitched. The suit translated the gesture for him. 

“No.” 

“Because one of our grunts is a dumb fuck,” the human said simply. “And he spent two days fighting on your station with his helmet off. He got infected that way and brought back your stupid, itchy plague to our carrier ship, and now we’ve all spent the last 8 hours scratching ourselves raw. But the jokes on you, because when we were treating that guy you know what we found? That he was in the asymptomatic phase of a COVID infection. So if this-”

It gestured to its pink face with a snarl. 

“-is your idea of a bioweapon, then COVID is going to be your apocalypse. But if you work with me, and shut everything the fuck down for the next three or four months, I might be able to save most of you.” 

Valta unstuck at that. He’d spent weeks down here, worrying about nothing more than the next skirmish. Now he was looking at a genuine existential threat. 

“...What? Why would you help us? We wanted you to die. All of you. I wanted-”

The human cut him off with an exasperated wave of his hand. 

“You wanted something stupid. Doesn’t mean I have to join you. Best I can do to fix you is keep you alive and hope that you feel ashamed later. That, I genuinely look forward to. Now come on, you’re going to be the one explaining to all your friends what’s at stake here. My bedside manner is so bad that they limited my patients to virology slides and USMC marines. I think that’s actually one rung below the guys that just dissect cadavers.” 

Valta would’ve made an amused hum at that, but something already felt scratchy inside his throat. 

[killmongerkink]

Behind Closed Doors

Summary: Erik, your roommate and friend, comes home from work drained and sick. After heading off to bed, you awake to strange noises and follow them back to his room. Little did you know what you would find behind closed doors.

Pairing: Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens X Black!Reader

Warning: masturbation, dirty talk, a dash of smut.

Length: 4k

BTW: idk why this is so long, but i hope you all enjoy & please show this some love bc i’ve re-written this like 10 times already smh. sorry if there’s any spelling errors

Part 2

MASTERLIST

You stayed silent, swirling your fork continuously in your plate of spaghetti as you watched your roommate sniffle roughly for the tenth time, his eyes fighting to stay open. It really didn't make sense for him to be fighting his fate with sleep, yet here he was ... holding back yawns and rubbing his nose roughly with the back of his hand. "Well that's ... disgusting." You mumbled, sighing heavily as you reached over to grab him a tissue. "Why don't you just take some medicine and sleep it off?"

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

You really had no idea why this man insisted on being stubborn. You figured you could just ignore him for the rest of the night and go on about your business, but you knew you were way too nice to do that. If you did, you'd just be staring at your door the whole time, fighting the urge to make him some ginger tea or get him extra blankets. But you knew Erik. He wouldn't allow you to take care of him in the slightest. He was too big-headed, way too arrogant .. and simply a dumbass if you were being honest. He could be on the floor dying and he'd still tell you to leave him alone. You didn't understand his logic most of the time, but figured he was grown enough to make his own choices ... as dumb as they may be.

"You gonna stare me down all night?"

Snapping out of your thoughts, you blinked quickly and look back at your food. Another sniffle met your ears a second later, this one making you cringe at the sound of thick mucus filling the kitchen.

"That's it." You said more to yourself than him.

You moved towards the cabinet and opened it, hoisting yourself up on your tippy toes as you tried to reach for the top shelf. You really weren't thinking when you allowed him to talk you into getting this fancy ass condo together. While it was nice, the cabinets were way too tall, you could never clean the floor to ceiling windows and god forbid you even attempted to change a lightbulb around here. In the back of your mind, you figured he had purposely chose this apartment because it would allow you to need him. He was weird like that. As much as he would huff and puff when you would ask for his help with a simple task, you knew that he liked the feeling of being needed.

When you came to the conclusion that you were just embarrassing yourself, you plopped back down on your feet and looked at him.

"Are you gonna even help me?" You rolled your eyes, watching as he stared at you with a half bored, half amused expression.

"I'm good."

You were this close to telling him off, but decided against it. Fights with Erik never ended in your favor. Somehow he was always able to flip the script and make it your fault, having such a way with words that you would start to second guess yourself and your stance in any given situation.

"Well you better pray I don't fall and bust my head open, you know the cops won't hesitate to snatch your ass up."

Ending your smart ass of a comment with a smile, you turned back around and raised your leg, resting a knee on the counter as you struggled, but finally succeeded in pulling yourself up. The countertop dug into your knees painfully, making you sway back and forth in effort to not be on them too long and you snatched the medicine pack from the cabinet. Huffing out a sigh, you made zero effort to sit down lightly as you fell back onto your butt and turned your body, sitting down.

As you were checking the expiration date on the half empty box of DayQuil flu pills, you didn't notice Erik's gaze on you.

Matter fact, you never noticed his gaze on you.

You had seen the women he would associate himself with and you were the exact opposite. While they all had long hair down their backs, you opted to rock your natural hair in your usual braid out or space buns. While they all wore tight clothing that excentuated their curves and hips, you felt most comfortable in a big oversized t-shirt and sneakers. They would be bold and blunt with what they wanted from the world, while you just stayed in the cut and let life drag you wherever it wanted to. To say you were the opposite of his type was an understatement, but you learned to deal with it. Everyone had their own type and you just weren't his.

Although you wish you were.

Throughout your months of living together, you tied to date around and make him jealous, hoping that Erik would magically realize that he wanted you to himself and demand that you see no one else but him. And you would've happily obeyed to his demands, but once again .. that was a fairy tale you had conjured up in your head. You knew that he could never like someone like you, and after a while you began to accept that.

Erik had wanted to fuck with you the first day he ran into you. You had this innocent glow that he wanted to corrupt in the worse ways. He would notice you on campus being the perfect little student that everyone knew you to be. Other people, including himself, would walk into class late with just a pencil behind their ear and their phone. Yet, you'd be one of the few with a large book bag next to them as you had notes, paper, and books spread out in front of you ready to learn. While everyone stood at the university bulletin board looking for the latest club flyer, you were pulling off babysitting and tutoring ads.

You were different and he liked that. He knew that his chances of getting with you weren't really slim. He'd seen the way you'd look at him when you thought he wasn't watching, but you were one of the few females he was cool with. Fucking up a good friendship just for a quick nut was dumb, didn't mean he didn't think about you though.

Your body is what caught his attention at first. Short and super thick, like real thick. Smother me with your thighs thick, but you seemed to not appreciate your extra curves. You liked to cover up and wear baggy clothes, something that he found cute but also hated. On one rare occasion, you came to him and asked for his opinion on your outfit. There was some important presentation you had to attend and the attire was business casual. You walked into his room, giving him a complete 360 of your white blouse and fitted gray skirt, the dimples in your ass pronounced. He probably jerked off to that imagine about three times that night.

Honestly, you were his dream girl in every aspect, but you were too good for him. You actually had positive things going on in your life and a future that rivaled his own pointless one. One day you'd be some successful ass doctor, while he was still scrounging around and doing the same ol' same ol'.

"Here, take two of these and go lie down. Don't even try to say you're fine, because that damn snot bubble you're trying to keep down is saying otherwise." You said before he could even get out a breath and placed the tablets on a napkin for him.

You left the box on the counter, figuring that he would need some later and started to pick up the dirty dishes and place them into the sink. After about 30 minutes, all the leftovers were packed away, the dishwasher was running and the stove and counters were cleaned. Erik has mumbled under his breath all the way to his room after helping, but you could care less. Atleast you could go to bed knowing you had tried to help him get better.

After your nighttime routine was completed, you dropped own onto your bed and cuddled your pillow as you waited for the sandman to come and whisk you away for the night.

3:57 am

You stared at your phone as you laid still. The sound of a loud thump had pulled you from your sleep approximately 15 minutes ago and you had been hearing strange noises on and off since. It couldn't have been an intruder, could it? If you remembered correctly, Erik made sure to lock the door after he came in from work.

Still, someone could've been experienced with locks and was now roaming the apartment. Or maybe it was your neighbors who had kids? What if someone was attacking them? You decided to play it smart and text Erik first, for all you knew it could’ve been him.

Minutes went by without a reply back and you rolled your eyes. Every other night he was up doing god knows what, yet the one time where you needed him to be awake and alert, he wasn't?

"Answer your fucking phone." You whispered to yourself.

When you finally came to the conclusion that he was going to be of no help, you quietly got out of your bed, wincing as it croaked underneath you. Damn boxspring. You opened your side table and pulled out your bright pink taser. It was a gift from one of your girlfriends that was given as a joke, yet now you were thankful for her crazy ass. She'd definitely be proud to know that you were about to put it to good use. Bracing yourself, you said a silent prayer and cracked open your door, holding your breath as you waited for movement to catch your ear.

THUMP.

Being the dumbass that you were, instead of waiting for the intruder to come to you, you decided to be a bold bitch and leave the safety of your room. If this was a horror movie you would've been cursing at the lead. You never leave where you are, always let the killer come to you. Not thinking, you continued to follow the noise until you were stopped in front of a door ... Erik's door to be exact.

Was he hurt? Was someone in his room? Was he currently taking his last breath as you stood frozen in front of his door? With your finger on the trigger of your taser, you quickly opened his door hoping to catch whoever it was by surprise. Little did you know how much of a surprise you were actually in for.

Erik sat in front of his desk, headphones in both ears, eyes unmoving and trained on his iMac screen. His nostrils flared as his bottom lip was lodged under the top row of his teeth, the air releasing from his nose coming out loud and heavy. Trailing your eyes down lower, you were met with his naked upper half, the screen illuminating on his skin and making his scars look as if they were glowing. You tried to distract yourself by looking at his computer screen, but that was a mistake. The screen showed a girl that looked a lot like you on all fours, one of her hands underneath her she pumped her fingers into her pussy roughly, her face contoured in pleasure as you heard her moans through his headphones. You looked away, eyes fixated back on Erik's face and you fought internally not to look lower. A part of you deep down knew that there was no going back once you caught a peek, but you couldn't help it. You had to.

Taking a quick breath, your eyes shifted and you felt your knees buckle beneath you, your taser falling from your hands. Your eyes twitched momentarily as you blinked, unable to believe what you were seeing.

Was this a dream? Was this all some sick, twisted, extremely sexy dream that your mind had conjured up?

Erik's large hand was moving up and down in even strokes, his hand gripping the black fleshlight tightly and creating a vile squelching sound each time it swallowed his dick. Every once in a while the fleshlight would hit against the desk, creating the loud thump that had you worried earlier. His other hand was gripping his base, his fingers cupping his balls underneath as his hips started to roll upwards. A second later he pulled the toy off of him, opting to use both of his hands instead as he increased his pace, your eyes finally getting to see what he actually looked like. The view was better than anything you could've guessed. A thick broad vein ran along his shaft, the glare from the computer causing it to glisten and look as if it was dipped in sugar syrup, the fluid motion of both his hands gliding up and down with a good amount left abandoned every time he reached his head letting you know that it was big enough to choke on.

"Fuck baby.."

Your eyes snapped up and met his, his lip now released as he smirked at you, staring in your eyes. You shuffled back slightly, your hand gripping the doorknob tighter as another grunt met your ears. You were slightly embarrassed at being caught. Any normal person would've apologized profusely and slammed the door behind them, yet here you were. Your mouth opened to spill whatever random excuse you could think, your mind going into overdrive.

"Eri- .. I didn't mean to .. I was just-"

"You got a sexy ass mouth." He mumbled, turning his body suddenly so he was facing you head on. Slouching down in his chair, he spread his legs causing his sweatpants to lock around the top of his thighs, almost as if he was silently begging you to step forward.

Your mind was telling you leave and just deal with the awkward repercussions in the morning, but your feet seemed to have a mind of their own as you slowly walked towards him. No words were said between the both of you after that. He simply nodded down to the floor and the next thing you knew, your knees were digging into the plush carpet. It was almost as if he was a puppet master. With the flick of his finger or nod of his head, you were following his silent commands with no resistance. He kept looking at you as he reached over and pulled his headphones from the computer input, the sounds from the girl filling the air around you. You couldn't front, between her moans and his glare, you were turning into mush. Watching the grip he had on his dick had you desperately yearning to play with yourself, you hand rubbing against your thigh catching his attention and causing him to lick his lips.

He leaned his head towards you, his dreads casting shadows over his face.

"Bout time you came. I been waiting for you."

Having him so close to you made you want to shrink away and disappear. You had been around Erik long enough to see the kind of effects he had on girls. The amount of drama that females had gone through the get his attention was wild. Switching up on their friends, changing their appearance, one even went as far as quitting her job just so she could spend the week with him in Miami. Bitches were crazy, or maybe it was Erik who was making them that way.

"You came to take care of me again? Always going out of your way to make sure I'm straight. You a good lil bitch huh?"

You mouth hung open, the thoughts in your head mimicing someone smashing their hands on a computer keyboard. If anyone else was to talk to you like this, you were pretty sure you would've gave them a dirty look and tell them to back the fuck up, but for some reason, hearing those words come from Erik's mouth made you moaning mess.

Literally.

Catching what you were doing, you felt embarrassment bubble inside of you. What was wrong with you? Were you really getting turned on by this man calling you a bitch? Coming to terms with it, you accepted that you were. There was a tiny part of you buried deep down that always fantasized about someone calling you names, treating you like a rag doll as they filled every hole you had. You just didn't think this someone would be Erik.

"You like that?" He watched as you nodded your head, a chuckle leaving his lips and his hand quickly gripped your face, causing your lips to pucker like a blow fish. "Always knew you were a freak."

Without another word, he pulled you forward causing you to shuffle quickly and grab onto the handles on his desk chair in order not to fall. You were pulled right up to his dick, the large statue staring back at you menancingly before it was being rubbed against your lips. You let him entertain himself for a while, enjoying the feeling of him getting off to your plush sets. You fixed them into suction cups, sucking the skin as he bucked his hips up and down, your tongue pressing against him and your lips spreading the wetness around him.

It was then that a sniffle met your ears, causing you to remember the events from the night before. You looked up at him, holding back your smile when you saw his red nose, which was extremely cute if you had to be honest. You moved back, softly moving his hands away and grabbing him fully in yours. He hissed when you started twisting your hand around his length. He was warm .. almost hot. How long had he been masturbating?

"You sick and all you could think about was jerking off?"

"All I could think about was you. I caught what you were doing earlier.” Caught of guard, your hand halted for a spare second, face twisted in confusion. All you did earlier was make dinner, like you usually did since he couldn't cook anything more than rice and ramen. You went to reply and ask what he was talking about when he rested his hand over yours, the both of your hands now working together over his length.

"Climbing up on the counter in just your t-shirt, ass hanging out at the bottom. You think you slick?"

"I didn't know it was out.."

He chuckled, like a real genuine chuckle, as if it was the funniest thing he'd heard all day.

"Come here girl."

You assumed you were moving too slow, because only a second or two later he was lifting you up and situating you onto his lap, your thighs pressing against the chair handles. You remembered when he had ordered this big ass gaming chair, claiming the plushed back support was worth the grand he'd spent on it. There were so many things you could've spent a thousand dollars on and it for damn sure wasn't no chair, but it did come in handy. With its wide handles and large seat, you were more than comfortable even with your large thighs pressed against the sides. He bounced his legs roughly, the force causing your breast to bounce against your chest. If someone were to tell you that you'd be sitting in his lap, hand wrapped around his dick on a Tuesday night.. you would've laughed. A real hearty one as if you were watching a Katt Williams special. Yet, here you were. You couldn't believe it.

"What are we doing?" The question came from your lips in a soft whisper, almost as if you were scared for his answer. A part of you were. Maybe he would sit back and realize just how crazy this whole situation was before pushing you off and telling you to get out. Maybe he'd realize that you were still the same girl you'd always been and ask you what the fuck you were doing in his room. All of the negative things he could've responded with ran through your head. Why did you have to ask that?

"What you think we doing?" He leaned his head back, eyeing you. Before you could think of what to say, he reached and started scrolling on the computer.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you." You looked at him annoyed, going to grab his hand away from the mouse, just for him to move it quickly. Here you were trying to talk to him and he thought the computer was more important?

"I don't want us regretting this in the morning. We fucking live together Erik, we’re supposed to be friends. This is gonna be so awkward.. oh my gosh."

Looking past your lust momentarily, you realized just how messy this was. Everyone knew that friendships couldn't work after hooking up. Sure, people would fake the funk and act like they were buddy buddy after, but you knew the truth. It would be weird and uncomfortable. You'd slowly start hanging out less, one of you always busy and out the house, no longer able to hold conversations with one another. Eventually one of you would have to move out, there was no question about it. God forbid you had to move back in with your parents, not even to mention how many questions they would have. Maybe you could find a new place, or try to get something on campus .. or- sound coming from his speakers caught you off guard.

You turned to the right and watched as the PornHub logo popped up before the video started. It was of a black couple, the girl sitting on the guys lap as he rubbed her ass. They started making out heavily, the girls moans ringing through as the man started to roughly grope her.

"Nothing's gonna go left. I ain’t gonna let you get away from me so easily, trust me. Just relax and let me take care of you like you take care of me. Now start stroking." Erik wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you into him as he kissed your forehead, casting them down towards your nose and lips before detouring towards your neck.

Your blurry eyes set on the large screen, taking in the sight before you and realizing he was pretty much mimicking them. When a loud slap rang through the room, Erik would make sure to follow it up with a slap of his own. When the couple would kiss loudly, Erik would grab you by the neck and kiss you roughly, tongue all in your mouth and down your throat as his lips pretty much covered yours.

"How many times have you watched this?" You trembled, goosebumps forming against your skin as your eyes closed momentarily. Your body was way too worked up and you could tell he was too by the amount of pre cum that had leaked from his head onto your hand, his wetness coating him everytime you caressed him. He was too busy fondling with your pussy from the back to answer. His middle finger dipping perfectly between your lips and leaving barely there touches against your clit.

"Enough to know I wanna fuck you like that." His finger bypassed the material of your underwear and finally slipped in, your body shuddering as you started rolling your hips. One finger wasn't enough and you were pretty sure two would just barely itch the scratch you had built up. His command to “open your fucking eyes” caused you to look back at the screen, seeing the couples positions now flipped. The girl laid back on the seat, her legs in the air as the man positioned his dick at her entrance, one long stroke allowing him to enter as the girl cursed profusely.

"Dreamed of fucking you in this chair, your ass hanging off it as your knees press against your chest, big ass titties bouncing for me."

"Must be a dream cause I'm not that flexible." You joked, earning a bite at your earlobe.

"You'd be surprised what the body can do when the right one handles it."

taglist: @chaneajoyyy @softnani @iamrheaspeaks @thehomierobbstark @honeytoffee @madamslayyy @destinio1 @theogbadbitch @supersizemeplz @amethyst1993 @bakarisangel @marvelpotterlove

[endless-vall]

Tell you how I feel - Ethan x MC fanfic

Summary: At her second year in Edenbrook, Ellie realizes how much is at stake if she pursues a relationship with Ethan. Too bad the tables finally turn and he’s the one chasing her now.

Author’s note: Like I know this isn’t going to happen. I know they’ll make us wait for the slow burn all over again, and we’ll be the one constantly making Ethan slip up and hook up with MC, but just IMAGINE what if not. Enjoy this while we wait! ~

What if MC finally realizes that yes Ethan is amazing, but he’s also her mentor. Her direct boss. She’s living up to her dreams, and her dreams involve working with him on the diagnostics team.

So she puts her feelings aside, and focuses on her career. And for a while, it works. I’m not sure how far down the year this fanfic is set, but bear in mind they know each other for over a year now. Maybe over a year and a half. 

But other LIs keep flirting with her, hitting on her, etc... And it drives Ethan crazy. Not just because he’s jealous... But also because he knows that what they have... What they can have, is amazing, and he’s /not/ ready to let that go.

Also. How could I NOT use a grey’s anatomy elevator gif? DUH.

Tagging: @cora-nova @lilyofchoices @paisleylovergirl@dandeservestheworld @mfackenthal @quacksonlover@blackcatkita @writtenbycandy .  Let me know if you wanna be tagged in future works for Ethan x MC/Open Heart/Perma tag! Let me know if you want to be untagged! ^^

 “Would you stop beating yourself up?” A firm voice strattled Ellie from her daydreaming. If you could call a ‘five minute break in a 48 hour shift’ daydreaming, anyway.

Blinking at the voice, Ellie smiled as she recognized the person in front of her. “Am not!” She playfully pushed Jackie away, as the other lady offered her a cup of coffee.

“You are the bestttt, I love you!” She accepted the coffee giddily.

“You’re talking to the coffee, right?” Jackie snorted at her.

Ellie just blushed. “... No?” She tried, but it was a lost cause already. She and Jackie burst laughing together, as they resumed their shift and went back to work.

For a change, Ellie failed to notice Dr. Ramsey watching her from the other side of the room.

Even though Jackie was nice enough not to mention it again for the rest of their shift, Ellie knew exactly what was she talking about. 

Honestly, it was becoming embarrassing. She was practically hopeless by now, and she didn’t really know how to proceed from that point on. 

There was only one, logical solution, right?

To give up on Ethan. Saying it, even if just to herself, was almost heartbreaking.

But he was her mentor now. Literally. She made it into his diagnostics team. She had took the first step in her path to a successful, meaningful career. She couldn’t step down now - not when she was so close.

Everything he said last year, when she was an intern, was even more relevant now.

and yet, she found herself sighing helplessly, swooning over him, daydreaming about making out with him in his office-- NO. GET YOURSELF TOGETHER, ELLIE! - she reminded herself, and only somehow made it the rest of her shift.

It was especially hard when she had to work cases with Ethan, which was often now, but at least the team had a handful of other doctors too, that she could work with.

She got to her next shift a few minutes early. She liked to do that, when she had the chance and was well-rested enough.

Taking her time with ordering a drink from the cart in the hospital’s lobby, a familiar face approaching. “Bryce, hey! Good morning.” She called. He already had a huge, charming smile smeared over his features, and he picked her up in a tight hug when he made it close enough. “Ellie, you’re a sight for sore eyes, you know it right?” He winked, his usual, flirty tone making it to the surface.

Ellie giggled, and pushed him away. “I missed you too, dumbass. We haven’t had a shift together in what, like, forever?” Admittedly, it was really that long, but with everything on Ellie’s mind starting from the diagnostics team tasks and ending with Ethan running through her mind, she didn’t have much time as she used to. Residency was so educational and rewarding, but it was also tough and time consuming and she had to make sure she actually stayed on the team.

“Glad to know a week without me feels like forever,” Bryce ran a hand through his hair, brushing it to the other side of his face. “But I’m more than ready to make up for our lost time.” He promised, and went for the elevator. “You coming?”

Grabbing her drink from the cart, she followed, laughing at something Bryce said.

She didn’t notice, for a second time, how Ethan came through the hospital doors and passed right beside her a few minutes earlier.

The third time, however, she finally noticed. He was explaining her a complicated case, asking her what treatment method they should use, right outside one of the ER’s rooms, when Rafael came in with a patient, explaining the status of a patient to a now very determined Sienna, who took over. “I got this.” She assured Rafael, and took the patient to a different bed.

Rafael followed her with his gaze, nodding to himself. He threw a look around before getting back to his work, and caught Ellie’s eyes.

“Dr. Heart. Fancy seeing you here.” He half-laughed, and waved at her goodbye.

Ellie smiled as she watched him go, and it took her a few more seconds to realize she wasn’t listening to Ethan anymore.

She turned her gaze back to the man in front of her, wearing an apologetic look. “Sorry, I didn’t get that last part. Could you repeat that again?” She asked. She even wore her best puppy-dog-eyes, which always got Ethan.

“Do you want to keep making heart-eyes at every person in this hospital or do you want to keep your position on this team?” He never talked to her like that. Never. 

But under that professional tone she heard actual jealousy. 

“That was uncalled for,” She noted, taking a step back. Especially since you were the one to call things off. She wanted to add but decided against.

While Ethan had ended whatever it was between them, Ellie now understood why they had to do it that way.

Her career was just starting. And she almost blew it away because she wanted to help Mrs. Martinez. And while she didn’t regret her decision back then, she couldn’t keep risking her license and position. A spot on the diagnostics team! It was a dream come true, for god’s sake.

Ethan coughed, nodding. “I’m sorry. You’re right.” He sighed, like he was blowing off some steam. Steam that was gathering there for quite some time.

“I... I’ll better go run those labs.” She made an excuse, any excuse, to remove herself from the situation. She grabs some charts and heads for the elevator.

Deciding that dating Ethan was a bad move for her career was one thing, but resisting him when he was standing in front of her, giving her that sort of look, was an entirely different thing. 

“Ellie, wait-” But she had turned on her heels already, making her way towards the laboratory. She entered an elevator and prayed its doors would close before Ethan could barge in.

...

Her prayers weren’t answered, and he hopped in just a second before the closed.

“Can we talk?” He asked her, now wearing such a genuine expression.

“Depends. Is it work-related?” She asked, giving him her best poker-face and batting an eyebrow.

“Ellie...” He pleaded, and she sighed hard at that response.

“No, Ethan, don’t ‘Ellie’ me. What are you trying to do? What can you possibly want to talk about?” She asks.

He pushes the stop button, making the lift freeze at its place.

He sent her a look, as if asking if it was okay. And it wasn’t. Only that it was...

“I’m sorry about my behavior. It was uncalled for.” He started.

“And now that we sorted that out, can we continu-”

“Did it really mean so little to you? Were you just trying to get ahead in your career by-” He cuts her off, and she does so in return as well.

“Of course not! How can you say that?!” She pushes at his chest, not forcefully, but making her point.

“It’s just... I still care about you. And I’ll understand if you’ve moved on, it’s just...” He loses track of his words, and simply looks up to meet her eyes. Hoping they would tell her things his lips couldn’t at the moment.

“Ethan, of course I care about you.” She sighs. “Definitely more than I should,” She shifts at her place.

“But what difference me acknowledging it makes?” She asks him. It was his idea but he was making it so hard on her right now.

He took a step forward, one of his hands flying upwards to caress her cheek. “Maybe we could-” She could see he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. She could see that he was as hopeless and desperate as she was.

“But we can’t.” She stopped him, before he suggested something they both knew they’d come to regret.

“We’re back to square one. You’re the attending. I’m the rookie.” She explained. She kept telling herself that sen

“You’re not an intern anymore. You’re a resident now.”

“But I’m under your team. You’re my direct boss. We can’t be involved together, and you know it. Dammit! You’re the one who made it clear since day one. Why are you changing your mind now?!” A nickle finally dropped.

It was only now that she moved further away from him, making his hand drop.

“Wait. Are you only saying it now because you’re jealous? Because you saw someone flirting with me?” A frown forms over her face.

“No.” Ethan says firmly. Somehow, despite the given facts, it’s sounds genuine and believable.

“So?” She demands now.

Ethan takes a breath, as if preparing himself. “Ellie, I don’t need some people pinning after you to realize what I’ve lost. I know how special and amazing you are. I know that every moment of every day. But seeing them, I do realize something else. I realize I can’t shut up any longer. I can’t not tell you how I feel.”

“I thought I could handle this, you know... And if you’ll ask... God... I will. But walking around like we’re nothing more than coworkers... When I know the taste of your lips. The feeling of your skin against my skin... The way your heart beat under my touch...”

Their eyes meet, mesmerized with each other.

“I-”

“Don’t”

“No, you deserve to know that, to hear me say it, even if you don’t feel the same way or our circumstances are limiting us.” He explains, he’s so sure of himself now.

Ellie wonders if he ever confessed his feelings so selflessly before. So focused on the other person he didn’t mind if he didn’t hear those words back.

“I love you, Ellie.” And even though she knew those were probably gonna be the next words coming out of his mouth, they hit her like a hurricane - taking all the air from her lungs but filling it right back up again, with a giddy and warm feeling.

“Ethan...” She was speechless.

She never thought he would be the first one to confess. She was always so much more open about her feelings.

“To hell with it-” She practically attacked him with that kiss.

She pushed him against the closed elevator doors, kissing hard and passionately.

Ethan seemed to oblige, his arms wrapping quickly around her.

When she comes up for breath, the words leave her on their own. “I love you too,”

He practically glows in response. 

As if he didn’t know it already.

She would roll her eyes playfully at him, if she wasn’t so busy at going back to kissing him again.

They spend another few minutes, kissing each other’s lips and tangling their limbs together. There was only so much they could do against the elevator doors. (So much they were willing to do. There was a nice sofa in Ethan’s office, after all.)

“We should get back to work. Or head to your office. Or something.” Ellie snaps back into reality, while Ethan trails kisses down her neck.

“My office, you say?” Like he didn’t even hear the rest of her sentence.

“Lead the way.”

[midnightzephyr]

#3

the doctor told, he would call him in a couple of minutes. but it had been over half an hour. he would have came bursting through the door, but that would be disrespectful. and even if it wasn’t, he still wouldn’t do it. what if the doctor was giving her some kind of anesthetic gas or some kind of injection? he didn’t want to make the situation worse by merging so suddenly in the hospital room.

the nurse told him to go and eat supper, though most restaurants might have closed down since it was midnight. she knew he skipped lunch and dinner, she reckoned he was hungry from all the waiting. the doctor might take a longer time than expected, she said. but he refused to do so. he refused to leave because he swore he would be there with her through thick and thin. he choked on tears and asked the nurse permission to go in an empty room.

the nurse led him to a new room, the walls still smelt like paint and the other necessities still had the scent of silicone. he turned to the nurse, bowed down to her as a thanking sign along with a sweet but forced smile before proceeding to go inside the room. he sighed, and massaged the bridge of his nose and moved to his temples.

previously the nurse insisted on switching the lights on, but he requested her not to. he wanted a dark atmosphere, somewhere he could weep and not feel as if he was stared or looked over.

he trudged his heavy steps to the window and opened it. the cold air of a midnight in gwangju was all needed to make his eyes well in tears. the thin curtains were blown and covered his back. he crossed his fingers, he prayed to god the surgery would be okay. he was weak, he didn’t want this, no one would ever want this.

if god gave him a chance to choose who got into this mess, he would wish it was him. he kept repeating apologies for not being the one getting the minor injury even though things already passed and there was no use turning back time. however he never stopped apologizing, it wasn’t like she could hear him, but he just won’t stop pleading. it sounded like a deep prayer. his fingers interlocked together and his hands were caning his heavy head. his eyes were shut tight in high hopes he would wake up from a terrible nightmare, but he didn’t.

“it should have been you,” he whispered as he saw his reflection on the closed window.

he stared blankly at his reflection, hands searching their way to pull the other window and closing it tight. he was fucked up, his feelings were mixing altogether and he was lost. he felt like he was dying inside, he wasn’t sure of what there is. he was afraid but he couldn’t admit. he told her he was a strong, strong man. he promised he wouldn’t shed a tear throughout the relationship, but he was confused on what to do now. he was confused on what to think. he was terrified.

“it should have been you,” he repeated, fingers clawing the window sill.

“this is all your fault,” he whispered and saw his cheek glistened with a few drops of tears.

“if only you let her win. if only you didn’t pick up the fight,” his eyes moved from his reflection to his worn out hands that never stopped clenching each other. “you know she was right, she was never wrong,” now he scoffed and his neck rolled back in attempt to stretch his tightened muscles.

“if it wasn’t for you she wouldn’t have ran out. if it wasn’t for you she wouldn’t have got hit by that truck. god, if it wasn’t for you,” he choked on his words as he saw how much he was crying. he scrambled across his words in search of a proper sentence, he slapped himself, hard and abusively. he still wondered if he was in a bad, bad nightmare or if reality was ruining him as a whole.

“if it wasn’t for you,” he yelled. “she wouldn’t be unconscious!”

he forced open both of the windows and was on the urge on jumping, but there was no good in that. he yelled, he screamed, he was losing his mind because he couldn’t do anything. he wanted everyone in gwangju to know how much of a dick he was, he wanted the world to know that he was a jerk, a scumbag, a dumbass for being the fault of someone’s death, and that someone is whom he loved the most.

he just stood there and cried, his knees were feeling weak and he was falling. the only way that made him kneel was because his elbows were hanging on the sill. he was afraid of losing the light of his life, the person who gives joy to him. he feared losing her, he never expected this day to come; ever.

the nurse came rushing in the door and hurried to him. she had worry plastered all over her face. cold sweat were forming on her forehead, sticking some strains of hair on it.

“mr jung,” she called. “mr jung, please calm down.”

he turned to face her, cheeks and eyes looking puffier than eyer. blood vessels appeared clearly in his eyes. the tip of his nose was red. his whole face whispered fear.

“mr jung, it’s past midnight—”

“how is she?” he stopped her and stood up on his feet.

“i’m sorry but—”

“i am asking, how is she?” his voice trembled. he tried very hard to contain his anger and the nurse understood well enough.

“she is very ill, mr jung.”

he stared at her for a short while before walking in a fast pace to her ward. “mr jung, she is unconcious,” the nurse chased and successfully stopped him. she seemed worn out, certainly because he walked in a wider gap than her.

“the doctor advised you to not go in there until the ECG stops.”

“you’re saying i cannot go and see my girlfriend until she dies?” the nurse sighed and stared at her nibbling fingers. “miss, i am talking to you.”

he grew frustrated as the nurse wouldn’t talk so he wasted no time and darted into her ward. there, two more nurses stood up and kept repeating that the doctor would not let him see her. “nobody cares what the fuck the doctor says!” he exclaimed and the nurses bowed in apology before rushing out.

he stared at her, and his weight pushed him so he was leaning on the wall beside him. his world was crushed, she looked weak, and dead.

the nurse came back in, and tugged his sleeve. she walked in the ward and pulled a chair and a stool together. she sat on the stool and patted the other seat for him. he wiped his tears, his sleeve was crusty from the snot of crying. he walked and sat in front of the nurse, her face was filled with concern.

she sighed and placed a hand on his knee, which made him jerk but relax as soon after. “i know, it’s hard for you to think about it. she is my step sister, either way,” she whispered. and that was when it him, hard, in the face, with an electric saw.

“i’m afraid you don’t know me well,” she laughed. “i rarely meet up with her because i live in a different house.. i’m jenna, by the way.”

he was staring at her, and his eyes moved to his fingers. they were cold and his skin was rough, if his girlfriend was still here, she would force him to use her favourite rose-scented lotion. he looked at his dearly beloved, the one he adored and lived for the most. the ECG machine was slower than ever; she’s going to die soon.

“hey..” she called. “talk to me. what happened?”

he loathed, but spoke. his voice was full of tears and cracked at every pronunciation. his fingers ran through his hair and he sighed. “we got in a fight.”

“we got in a fight, it was restless. i yelled at her and she screamed back, it was at the point where none of us could hear each other,” he breathed.

“it was hard, and torturous. i was mad, i lost my mind. i love her so much, i was afraid of it,” he tossed his words and his sentences were repeating itself. the latter insisted him to explain what the fight was all about and rubbed his knee to soothe down his burning feelings.

“i accused her for cheating. i yelled at her, cussed at her, called her a slut because i was stupid. i was a jerk, i am a jerk.”

“sweetie,” her voice was gentle. “she was out with josh. josh is her stepbrother, and yes, he’s my brother. i thought it was better for you to know.”

he stared at the nurse and smiled, a bitter and cold smile. he shrugged, “she ran out. i didn’t chase her. it was raining, and all i heard was a loud noise coming from a truck. the whole accident was merely indescribable, i can’t believe my eyes.”

“jenna, i love her. with all my heart. if i could squeeze my heart and desire for her, i could feed an entire generation with it. her love shines through me, and i have never expected to stumble across someone as beautiful as her. she lights me, she waters me. she showed me what it was like to live in a different story and life. she gave me purpose to live, and i broke all the fragile pieces she lined up for me like a kid throwing a stupid toy.”

“everything has either a happy ending or a sad ending. and to the every sad ending, there must be consequences to it. everything has a reason and a purpose to happen. life might give you something better than her—”

“nothing is better, jenna!” he yelled, but it came out more like a hushed and forced whisper. his head was screaming at him. “nothing is better than the best! jenna, i’m a fuckhead. i pushed her off her limits while all she did to me was be the person i needed the most. i was wrong, i am shit. i could have started this over, but she’s dead.”

the stepsister puffed out a sigh and turned to face the ECG machine. she patted his knee gently and got up. “sit by her, it won’t be long,” she said and stood up, leaving the room.

he bit his tongue so hard he swore it could tear off. talking to her didn’t give him anything to be relieved of, she literally gave him more weight to carry in his drenched heart. a tear slipped off his waterline, and soon he realized he was crying again. he stood up and and carried the stool the nurse sat on before to the side of her bed.

he sat down by her and his fingers reached out for her hand. it was soft, like holding the petals of a rose. she never stopped using that rose-scented lotion, but even if she did, her hands were always this soft. like feathers. her hand didn’t respond to the touch, it was frozen and stiff. a tear fell off his eye.

he wished her eyelids would flutter open, like a butterfly fluttering it’s wings. she always looked beautiful doing it, especially in the morning, in bed, with the sheets covering her body with no clothes in between. she was beautiful, and magnificent. she was one of a kind and he loved her with all his might. another tear fell off his eye.

his thumb rubbed the inner part of her palm and massaged it, something she loved. now, he felt empty. she couldn’t leave just yet, she can’t leave. and another tear fell off his eye.

as the tear fell, it touched her wrist. that was when the ECG machine stopped, making a loud and long beeping sound. he gave the back of her hand a last kiss and stood up. he walked to the lights and didn’t look back. he couldn’t bear it. “i’m sorry,” he whispered.

although it was no use, even though it was like apologizing to a cold, grey statue, he needed to. “goodnight.”

he took one last glance at her dead body, and whispered where even himself could barely hear. “i love you.”

he switched off the light, and walked out the ward. leaving the hospital. leaving it all behind. leaving her.

—