#the dude doesn't even know my mother got pregnant and i only know his name ive never even seen a photo

[anotherpapercut]

unrelated to anything at all but as a kid I was soo so appreciative of shows about kids where at least one of them only had 1 parent. I wish every show with parents would add at least one single parent

[saltygilmores]

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: S3/EP4/ONE’S GOT CLASS THE OTHER ONE DYES (PART 5)

Parts 1-4 and all other episodes are linked in my pinned post.

OMG. PHRASING, LUCAS. PHRASING!! IT'S OKAY EVERYBODY! HE MEANT METAPHORICALLY, PEOPLE.

I mean, your affair with Dean Forrester should already have you on some kind of registry.

Luke is giddy with delight over Lorelai's humilation at the school and is giggling up a storm, a gigglestorm the likes of which I've never heard before from him. Let's alll point and laugh at Lorelai! It's fun.

The KarenDebbies are descending upon us. I can't wait to hear Lorelai say the word "condoms"!

I've never seen him this happy before?

Sadly with no context I wouldn't be able to tell if this was 2023 or 2002. Karens: Why were you discussing your pregnancy, why didn't you change the subject? Lorelai: I tried but they kept coming at me like I was poland and they were Nazis. Urrrp.

In my unrated Gilmore Girls rewrite titled The Hollow, I promise to rewrite this episode so that we see Lorelai throwing condoms at high school students.

Well as long it's just a banana and you don't bring Dean for the subject of your demonstration. KarenDebbie: What kind of mother are you?! Lorelai: The kind that doesn't just gloss over uncomfortable topics!

My ass you don't. She spends a good 75% of season 3 moving heaven and earth to interfere in Jess and Rory's relationship and cockblocking them to make sure these two legal adults don't fuck each other instead of giving Rory any sort of useful information about sex and you should know better than anyone that that's a solid recipe for teen pregnancy, Miss GlossyPants. Speaking of. Guess who else is about to get a fumbling attempt at Awkward Parental Sex Talk? This li'l guy.

We don't want Shane to get pregnant. It would make her already tragic impending death even more tragic.

So, what's up with Luke's apartment? There's a guitar, bongos, and maracas (plus a sign he stole from a bus stop). Does he have a secret past in some kind of salsa band?

Luke referring to a human being as something you can "stash in a closet" like an old box of Monopoly is fucking hilarious. The delivery is also very "Jess are you a gigolo?" and "What are you, a drug dealer now?" Like he knows it's a ridiculous question but he's also mildly concerned that the answer is going to be Yes. And now, for all time favorite exchange in the entire Gilly Girls World:

Jess and Rory are cool and all. But Luke and Jess are it for me. These two are the reason I keep watching. Their dynamic is so perfect and things were never the same after Milo left, not only because of the breakup of Literati but because I desperately miss these two guys playing off each other.

I don't know. I feel like Shane wouldn't give a flying cupcake about getting caught. She had no problem repeatedly barging into the diner to hump Jess' leg while Luke and Lorelai were watching and Luke had to part them like Moses parting the sea to wait tables, and she had no problem playing tonsil hockey with Jess against a tree for hours in view of hundreds of people. More evidence that this little dude is lying and that Closet Girl wasn't actually Shane.

We know, Jesstopher. We know. You little freakazoid.

Amen, brother.

Bolt the doors Lucas he's gonna run! Luke should be pulling a Lorelai and throwing bags of condoms at Jess. Stars Hollow called an emergency town meeting after he drew on a sidewalk with chalk. I can't imagine the fate of both Jess and Luke if it were discovered that Jess planted his demon seed in anyone but especially precious Rory.

I love it when Luke tells Jess to shut up. Fantastic stuff. Luke: If you care about this Shane girl you have to treat her better. Jess: I don't care about her. I don't know her last name. She mentioned it once, didn't stick. We're just "hangin out." Staaahp. Jess is so deliciously blunt and nonchalant about her. Anyone fellow Millenials here? Does anyone else remember that in high school in the late 90's and early 2000's "hooking up" (or in Jess' case, "hanging out") meant literally anything you wanted it to mean and so one of your friends could say "I hooked up with Jason last night" but that could mean they either made out for a few minutes or they were full on bumping uglies or something in between and you often had to ask uncomfortable questions. It was a very confusing time. It kept us all on our toes.

Luke, you have a pair of eyes. You've seen what they do in your diner. There should not exist any doubt that they're not convening in your apartment to play checkers.

I'm telling you, the dynamic of the entire Danes-Mariano family is so complex and interesting and I would twist my nipple for this show to delve into it as much as humanly possible at the expense of pushing Rory and Lorelai to the side (Lorelai off a cliff). I've hit the ceiling for screen shots here on Tumblr.com so here's the last three minutes of the episode: Luke: You need to find a girl you actually care about. Jess: Yah like it's that easy. Luke: Ya huh it's that easy if you try Jess: The girls I like don't give a damn about me. I'm not just gonna sit around hoping they change their minds and notice me, unlike SOME PEOPLE. Luke: Da fuq does that mean Jess: ya fixed any neighbor's porshes *porches lately? Luke: Shut up Jess: I've got a little self esteem Luke: Shut up Jess: Gotta go, Shane's horny again Well, that attempt at the Birds and Bees talk certainly went off the rails. Luke was able to impart to Jess that teenage boys have raging hormones and they tend to like girls and Jess don't be an idiot. It's okay Luke, at least you tried.

[sunnyie-eve]

2 | Bring us closer

Series: Uttermost Lifestyle

Paring: Johnny Knoxville x Original female character

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Mention of rape

| MASTERLIST |

~

This morning Caiden begged to go to work with me so I agreed to keep him off to the side. He was actually just excited to see a small film crew for a tv show.

"Great, Alex is here to watch me get sprayed by a skunk." Johnny smiles as I walk into the building.

"I don't have to join, right? I've been sprayed when I was younger and it was terrible." I look at the crew.

"Nope just watching." Jeff tells me and I'm thankful.

"When you aren't doing anything we wanna have you just watch some of us so we can get close to you. So you feel comfortable around us." Johnny walks over putting his arm around my shoulder.

"That's fine by me. And if I wanna try something anyone is doing, I can right?" I ask them.

"If you want to go for it." Jeff says as they get things set to go.

"Oh, I hope it's okay I brought Caiden today. He begged to come with me." I move over to him.

"I didn't know you have a little brother." Johnny smiles at him.

"He's not, he's my son." I wrap my arms around him but as soon as he sees Chris he takes off.

"I'm sorry for assuming." Johnny apologizes.

"Don't I get it all the time. I had him while in high school because of my ex. It's a long story." I didn't wanna just throw all my personal stuff at him when this is our second time meeting.

"I got time. That's if you wanna tell me." He takes a seat on desk behind him.

"We were at his older friend's party and he made me drink a lot. I wasn't all there and he took advantage of me." I lean against the wall.

"He raped you and got you pregnant." Johnny says not sugar coating it like I do.

"Yeah but I got my world out of it. It's just us two most of the time, along with Chris." I laugh adding him.

"I have a daughter whose four. My ex and I have good relationship so I can see her." He tells me.

"Kyle, Caiden's father, wanted nothing to do with him for six years. Suddenly he pops up on his birthday wanting to try but always gets Caiden's hopes up. Yesterday Caiden told me Kyle went to the school trying to take him out early. For school records he has no father information. When he was born the only dude by my side was Chris. Yeah, Kyle is on record as the father but I gave him my last name."

"Good, he's a piece of shit that doesn't deserve to be apart of Caiden's life. He has a wonderful mother." Johnny gives me a smile.

"You don't even know me." I laugh.

"Chris said a lot trying to get you this job." He laughs standing up straight.

"You still technically don't know me. Especially what kind of mother I am." I cross my arms.

"I don't need to know because I can see it and it's all in the eyes too." He points at them.

"Why you starring so deep into my eyes, man?" I make my eyes wide.

"You're supposed to keep eye contact when having a conversation with someone. Let's get going because I gotta skunk to meet." He grabs my arm pulling me with him.

"Are you coming Caiden or are you gonna stay with Chris?" He asks as we pass the two.

"Chris wanted to show me some things. Is that okay mom?" He asks me.

"I don't care. Chris behave." I point my finger at him.

"Okay, that means I get mama Alex today." Johnny says making me shake my head.

"Don't call me that." I make him laugh.

"You can call me daddy Johnny if you want." He jokes.

"I'll pass. Hi Ryan, Bam." I wave as they walk pass up to go inside.

"Hey, Alex." They wave back.

~

While Johnny talks to the skunk lady I try not to laugh at his face while she informs him about them. "I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm about to get sprayed by a skunk."

"Hello. Hello, Mr, Skunk. Hi, Mr. Skunk. How are you? Come here, Skunk- AHH!" He gets sprayed and I laugh at me.

"Let him out." The lady tells him.

"Well, damn it, I'm trying to." He just keep get sprayed. "So that's 5 squirts. He's gotta be out after the next one, right?" He asks so we say yes.

When he was done he walks towards us so we back away. "What's wrong?" He laughs coming towards us.

"You smell." I jog backwards.

"We need to bond. Come here." He puts the cage down walking faster toward me.

"Don't you fucking dare!" I point at him as he starts to jog over to me.

"Johnny no!" I run away from him trying to put other crew members between us.

"Fine, fine." He stops walking away from me.

"So Alexandria, you've been sprayed before?" I'm asked.

"Yeah, when I was ten. My brother locked me in our shed with one. It was the worst thing in the world. Any time I see one or smell it I try to get as far away as I can." I laugh.

"Why did you come out today?"

"I walked into the building and Johnny volunteered me to watch." I notice it was too quiet around me then scream as arms are wrap around me and I get picked up.

"You fucking son of bitch!" I curse at him as he rubs he body all over me before letting me go.

I start to cough because all I could smell was skunk now and I couldn't breath clean air. "Fuck you!" I start to punch him.

"Ouch! You hit hard. Ouch!" He tenses up as I keep hitting him.

"Fuck you." I curse as we all get in the van.

"Now you need to take a bath in tomato juice to get that smell off." Johnny gets told.

"We have a problem." Jeff says.

"What?" I ask annoyed.

"We didn't get enough big cans for two people."

I turn my head slowly to look at Johnny and he laughs but puts his arms up as I pull mine back to punch him again.

For the bath situation Johnny was gonna use most of the tomato juice because he was actually sprayed while I was hugged by him.

"Gonna strip all the way down right in front of me?" I laugh as he gets undressed.

"It's gonna bring us closer." He gets fully nude. "I'll try to save you some." He runs to the bathroom.

As I sit outside, because I couldn't get the smell on anything, I hear the crew yell my name.

"Alexandria! Johnny's about to pour the last can on him so you won't have any!"

"Fuck it." I get undressed staying in my bra and underwear running to the bathroom. "What happened to I'll try to save some for you!" I startle him.

"I am..." He smiles lifting the last can to pour on himself.

"I will get in there with you fucker. I don't care if you're butt ass naked." I excuse myself passing the crew.

"How often do you see two people, one nude and one semi nude, take a tomato bath together?" Johnny asks the camera as I join him in the shower.

"Just pour that on my back because that's were you rubbing yourself all over." I snap my finger at him so he does then dumps it on my head like he did to himself.

"I'm just happy I'm not wearing a white bra." I stare down at myself.

"Rub it into my back?" Johnny turns around.

I look at the camera, "I didn't know this was something I sighed up for when Chris got me this damn job."

"Getting in a shower with a fully nude dude you just met yesterday?" Jeff laughs at me.

"No, rubbing in the tomato juice/sauce whatever for him." I message it into his body than I do myself.

He goes to turn on the water but he doesn't fix the temperature right away. "Ah, that's hot." He backs away from the water moving behind me.

"That's burning me! Why did you push me forward!" I punch him in the chest then fix the water to a warm temperature.

"We'll leave you guys to shower alone. We'll get some new clothes for y'all." The crew leaves us alone.

"Hi." Johnny gives a smile.

"I hate you but can you make sure my whole back is covered?" I put my back to him so he rubs in all around my back.

"I'm surprised you aren't uncomfortable in this situation with someone you barely know." He says still touching my back.

"People hook up with someone they met in a bar one random night, right? Our situation is just weirder." I look back at him.

"You make a good point. Plus you know you work with a cast full of guys so I'm sure your gonna see some dicks at some point. I also respect how respectful you are. Not once have you looked down even for a second." He laughs.

"You're supposed to keep eye contact when having a conversation with someone." I say what he told me earlier making him smile.

"Well this is one bonding experience for us." He changes the topic.

"This already made us super close."

When he was done he gets out putting a towel around his waist. "I'm gonna get fully undressed now because I got tomato in my bra." I let Johnny know.

"Don't worry, I'll be respectful too." He turns his back to me.

I quickly wash the rest of myself before turning off the water so he hands me a towel. "Thank you."

I get out and we both just look at each other. "Are they gonna bring us clothes?" I ask so he opens the door calling out for our clothes.

"Did something happen?" Jeff laughs handing us clothes.

"No, he got out and I took off the rest in the shower then got out." I take the clothes going to change first.

Back at the office Chris asked what happened to my original outfit. "Skunk ass hugged me and rubbed himself all over me so we had to take a shower together." I say as Caiden hangs onto my waist.

"Together?" Chris looks at us.

"I was fully in the nude, she was semi with her bra and underwear till I got out." Johnny adds.

"Well once she sees your dick you're automatically best friends." Chris motions between us.

"I'm elementary he was peeing outside during recess and I turned the corner and saw him." I explain to Johnny.

"And we became best friends that day." Chris kisses my cheek.

[mewtonian-physics]

mgs parents ranked: go

hell yeah let's fucking go. i'll start with the ones i don't know how to rate.

???: Boris Volgin

I don't know much about this guy but maybe if he didn't want to get killed he should have NOT RAISED HIS SON LIKE THAT

seriously, considering how his kid turned out, he clearly fucked up somewhere. so i may not be able to give a 100% confident rating but i'm pretty sure this guy's a screwup.

???: Johnny

He seems cool but again. I really don't know enough about him to be confident here.

???: Drago Pettrovich Madnar

i don't care about this game

???: Nikolai Stepanovich Sokolov

This is another 'seems cool, don't know for sure' situation.

???: Sokolov's wife

I know nothing about this woman.

???: Comandante Valenciano

I know approximately nothing about this man's relationship with his children. It may have been mentioned but half the time I forget PW even exists.

???: Naomi Hunter's parents

I literally don't know anything about these people except that Gray Fox killed them. Rest in peace I guess. Unless they sucked.

???: Kazuhira Miller's father

I mean he doesn't seem to have had much of a relationship with Kaz at all, so... yeah. That 'Dad... I'm an American...' bit kills me though so I kind of don't like him. But I still don't know how to rate him.

???: Kazuhira Miller

His daughter is named Catherine. This is all I know.

???: Huey Emmerich's father

I get the feeling this is another one of those 'you did not raise your child properly' situations, but I don't know for sure, and I don't want to judge him unfairly. I do judge him for his work but that's unrelated to his parenting skills.

???: The Boss's father

Yep, I know nothing.

???: Psycho Mantis's mother

She literally died in childbirth. What the hell is there to rate

???: Raiden's parents

If you read my fic then you know I think they were good parents--if they weren't they could have just given him to Solidus to save their own skin, but they didn't. Still, I don't know anything else about them, it's all speculation.

???: The Boss

On the one hand, she was willing to kill the man she loved to protect their child. On the other hand, maybe don't go into battle while heavily pregnant??? Hello??? Ma'am??? Please stop???

15: Solidus Snake

DIE DIE DIE DIE PERISH IN AGONY oh wait he did. Yay!

Seriously, this guy gets an award for being the actual worst. Starting out your 'relationship' with your 'son' by murdering his actual parents is a bad way to start out a relationship! And then the child soldier bit! And then the attempted murder bit! And the part where he did all of this for some philosophical bullshit and nothing else! I HATE THIS GUY. Way to fuck up Raiden's life permanently, you son of a bitch.

14: Huey Emmerich

Using your son as a guinea pig and then attempting to drown your stepdaughter? Fuck you, Emmerich. Fuck you to hell and back.

13: Julie Danziger

I have nothing to say about this woman except that what she did to Otacon was beyond reprehensible.

12: Psycho Mantis's father

Dude, it is not your son's fault that your wife died, go fuck yourself. Extra go fuck yourself if you were actually going to kill him.

11: Big Boss

Yeah he's barely even a parent. Fuck this guy anyway. Talk about screwing your 'kids' over.

10: Rosemary

Okay, so I don't actually know that much about her parenting skills, but why the hell did she bring John at the end of MGS4? It could have gone so disastrously, she should not have brought John. As much as I love to see Raiden meeting him, that was just... a terrible idea.

9: Roy Campbell

He's far from the worst parent ever, but he's definitely not winning any awards, either.

8: Sergei Gurlukovich

He seemed to have a good relationship with Olga. Win for him.

7: Scott Dolph

He clearly cared a lot about his daughter, and the feeling was evidently mutual.

6: Kazuhira Miller's mother

She put in a lot of work and effort to take care of and raise her son on her own, and only stopped because she got sick. Rest in peace, ma'am. Your son turned out to be a bit of a disaster but that's far from your fault.

5: EVA

I count her both as a biological mother and as a more... whatever she is with the PLA. She seems to care a great deal, and let's be honest. 'Your father never wanted you... but I did.' is so much.

4: The Sorrow

He allowed himself to be killed in order to save his son's life. That's love right there.

3: Dr. Strangelove

She literally died horribly not to save her son's life but to protect him from being used as a test subject. It wasn't a life for a life, it was a life for basic human decency and her son not being treated as a guinea pig. She deserves this ranking.

2: Olga Gurlukovich

She wins ten thousand awards for being the best mother in the series hands down. She did horrible things that she never would have done otherwise all to protect a child she never even met. She gave up everything protecting Sunny, even her ability to live with herself. She died protecting Sunny. She had that much love for her daughter, despite knowing nothing about her. She deserved so, so much better.

1: Raiden

Oh you had to know who was going to get the top spot on this list. He may not have been able to be there for all of his son's childhood (but that's not HIS fault, THANKS ROSE) but just his first response to finding out John is actually his son is so heartbreakingly beautiful. Look at him. He only just met this kid but he already would kill for him, you can just tell. Not only that, but he takes exactly the kind of job he wanted to avoid because it was the only one he could get and he has to provide for his family. Listen to the way he talks about John in the codecs. Look at how he treats children in general. If he's like that with kids he doesn't even know, like George or the other kids he finds in the lab, imagine what he's like with his own son. There is no way he isn't an amazing father. No way in hell.

[yandere-mha-blog]

So you said you were bored and IDK if this helps but here some Headcanons for Kent (side character from EX au)

Kent is a white dude with dreadlocks and sunglasses, you can not change my mind

He's Dabi's weed dealer

Dumb but means well

No one knows how he even got to Japan, and neither does he

Knows Japanese only from anime and hentai

Kent's birth name was Chad but changed it to Kent because he thought it sounded 'exotic'

Add some headcanons or rebuke mine, the choice is your's, have a nice day

__________

┻┳|oωo)ﾉ so glad someone decided to bring up Kenny or Kent, he thought Kenny sounded too "cute" and at this point, he is Y/n replacement for Dabi, is kinda acting as a stand-in so the reader has a better insight of how Dabi acts in any type of relationship, friend or romantic wise.

He is half white and half Japanese, his mom got pregnant with him from an American tourist, so has no idea what his dad looks like, and single moms in japan and being referred to as a "Hafu" which he hates and got into a lot of fights

So sorry he has grown up in Japan, and his mother gave him an American name, has daddy issue like most of the cast.

He is dabis' private chauffeur at this point and only goes along with his scenes For now because he doesn't know what else to do and is scared of Dabi, also knew Y/n a lot but wasn't really close to her

A sweet guy who went on the wrong path and got involved with the wrong people

this is also i how I imagine him to look 89% of the time. made with picrew

[sasukyss]

Here we go

List of all my animals (dead and alive)

Ok, in gonna divide this into sections depending on the species of the animals, cause I had a fuckton of them.

CATS

1. Marie (dead): she was ginger and white and I think she might of been our first cat? Idk I don't really remember but I do know that we picked her up off the street lol.

2. Beauty (alive): she's our oldest animal! She's white and we've had her for around 10 years and we got her from our plumbers.

3. Milly (dead): she was Beauties daughter, she was a tabby cat. Milly only died a few years ago, she was also one of our longest living animals. Fun fact about her, she got shot and lost feeling in her tail but she lived! She died of feline leukemia lol

4. Molly (dead): Milly's sister, she was also tabby but with darker colouring, I think she got poisoned by one of our neighbours. She was sweet

5. Spider (???): one of Milly's litter of kittens, he was a dark tabby colour and he hated my entire family and he ran away the moment he could

6. Tiger (???): another one of Milly's, he was like Spider but lighter in colouring. He also hated us and ran away.

7. Ariel (???): part of Milly's litter, I named her Ariel cause she had a ginger bit on her head lmao. She hated my entire family and also ran away

8. Lucky (dead): he was my trans cat!! He wasn't really part of Milly's litter cause we found him when he was a newborn in the rubbish, but Milly happened to be feeding the kittens and she took him. He was ginger and white.

9. Angel Milk (???): she was black and white and we only had for a bit and then we dropped her off at this house cause we couldn't look after her and then we never saw her again.

10. Hope (dead): we found her in another village when she was a kitten, sadly she was a carrier of feline leukemia so she died of it and also gave it to my other cat who died a few years later. Hope was white with random patches of tabby fur everywhere

11. Buttercup (dead): A SWEETHEART. She was tabby with super long fur and she was sweet and she had two kittens and I loved her a lot

12. Guppy (dead): one of Buttercups litter, he was super long and he had long dark tabby fur.

13. Kevin (dead): Guppy's brother, he was my neighbours cat and I think he only died a few years ago. He had the same fur and colour as his brother.

14. Biscuit (???): He was ginger and one of my favourite cats, super sweet and I loved him a whole lot

15. Mopsy (dead): we got him along with his sister from our school when he was a kitten. He was super big and had dark tabby fur.

16. Roberta (alive): HOMOPHOBIC BITCH. She's so grumpy and I hate her, I actually have photos of her so here

17. Arya (alive): gay ass cat. We thought he was a girl at first cause he was so pretty but turns out he's a dude and hes super gay

18. Arnold (alive): my beloved, I love you sm. He's great and I'd die for him. He's also bisexy

19. Lucy (alive): BABY PLS COME HOME. She's not dead but she's in England with my brothers, I miss you 💔 here's a pic of her assaulting her child

20. Lucy's litter of kittens whose names I only remember two of so here's a photo of them (all alive minus 1):

DOGS

1. Rocket (dead): stupid and dumb. He was small and was light brown with darker colours on his snout and legs.

2. Daphne (dead): my beloved, you may have been dumb as shit but you cared and thats what counts. She was super scruffy and she was black with light brown on her snout and belly.

3. Daphnes first litter of puppies that was like 6 and idk what happened to any of them cause my mom gave them away at my school and these kids just took them home and I nev r saw any of them again.

4. Fred (alive): we called her Fred cause we thought she was a dude but suprise, she wasn't and she had 13 puppies cause my dad dumped her in this village in the mountains and we found her again cause my uncle bought a house there and we had to check on it. Oh yeah she was also coloured like a Dalmatian lol.

5. Marbles (dead): honestly I don't remember where we got him all I know is that we had him and his brother when they were puppies and one day we found him dead. He was white with brown patches.

6. Domino (alive): my neighbours took him in, he was Marbles brother and he grew up to be fucking huge. Hes white with brown patches.

7. Goldy (alive): part of Daphnes second litter of puppies, Daphne had like 7 but one got killed by Fred who had her puppies at the same time. Yes I was there and saw her with it in her mouth. It wasn't fun. She's called Goldy cause she had blonde fur lmao

8. Tinkerbell (dead): looked like a Yorky but longer and scruffier, she could jump super high and she got run over by my neighbour

9. May (dead): she didn't last long, she was white and was a puppy and she also got ran over by my neighbour

10. Annabelle (alive): she looks like a rat, she's from this litter of puppies we found near one of our neighbours houses, shes white with black patches.

11. Toby (dead): he was brown and big and he would always break out of the dog house. He got hit by a car and it broke his spine so they had to put him down.

HAMSTERS

We had two generations of them, the first batch had babies and thats how we figured out that if you touch baby hamsters their mother will eat them cause she doesn't recognize their scent. So in total 8 hamsters (gen. 1 and 2) and some like 6 babies.

FISH

We had a fucktonnn, and they'd die every few months so we'd got back to this festival where we got them. I think the ones we had the longest was one of mine (Aurora) and one of my brothers (Stitch).

CHICKENS

Ok so we had three gens of them

Gen 1: I don't remember a lot but ik the rooster was called Scooby-Doo (my younger brothers choice). Also they got killed by this thing called a genet that Fred ended up killing

Gen 2: again idkkk, ik they were black and they hated these other chickens we had. Also they ate baby mice

Gen 3: they were this single rooster and these two chickens, the rooster kept getting beat up by the ducks so we had to move him away. Just so you know chickens don't die pretty.

DUCKS

Yes we had fucking ducks, cause my brothers a dumbass and wanted some for a reason

Roberto (alive): idkk ik hes the one that actually lived and we need up giving him to one of my mom's friends.

Roberta (dead): idk what happened to this one I didn't really care tbh.

RABBITS

Snowy (dead): ok so we called Snowy sumo rabbit cause she was fucking huge and albino. Also funny story, but we thought Snowy was a dude so we would get her other rabbits but she ended up killing them all, so we eventually figured out Snowy was a girl so we got her a dude rabbit, and yeah she got pregnant but she also killed the dude rabbit, so yeah...

She had like two litters of them and they all died lol.

Carrots (dead): I miss you 💔 super great, even if she didn't like anyone. She also had kid rabbits and these ones actually lived. Also she was orange so that's why we called her carrots.

Thumper (dead):, he was a dwarf rabbit, he was black and white and he was the father of these other two rabbits we had.

Bruce (alive): idk why he's called Bruce, I thinks he's black and white but I don't remember

Jean (alive): again, idk about the name. This one's white and brown I think.

BIRDS

Ok so we had one budgie which we called Peanut and I don't remember what happened to him, and then we had two lovebirds and I'm pretty sure we named one after my uncle cause the bird was bald like him. Yes they are both dead.

[ma-gic-gay]

So this is a new one of these and the other one is probably over so yeah

It's a weird Christmas.

It marks a year since anyone last saw Sonny, a year since Julian's death, and a year full of drama, as one would expect.

Michael and Willow had had another child, a girl this time. Her name was Ophelia and Wiley loved being a big brother to her. The pair had also burned their annulment papers when they'd realized she was pregnant and finally admitted their feelings for each other. Watching them together had probably been the highlight of the year for their family.

Sam had started hooking up with Dante much to the chagrin of, well, everyone. It had started as a few random hookups but changed quickly into an actual relationship, testing several familial bonds.

Luckily, that disaster on wheels had been halted when Lulu had woken up from her coma. Lulu and Dante got back together and fell in love, again.

Sasha and Brando had formed a relationship as well, which was quite a surprise at first glance but made sense after a few weeks.

"Carly? You okay?" Jason asks. Surprisingly enough, she hadn't completely broke down yet, or ran away. The furthest she'd ran was the island and even then, it was only a few hours no one knew where she was, since he couldn't teleport and it took that long to get to the island.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking," she responds, faking a smile.

"Tell that to the tears in your eyes and obviously fake smile," he says to her. "What are you thinking about?"

"It's been a year since any of us have heard from Sonny. For all we know, he's dead. Hell, he probably is. I know I should give up and just agree to a funeral, but it feels wrong to do that without a body," Carly sighs, head in her hands in an effort to hide her tears. "It feels wrong for him to not be here. Last Christmas, we were convinced he'd be home by now and now it's like we've all resigned ourselves to him being dead."

"If it doesn't feel right to have a funeral, don't have one. I've known you for a long time, and your instincts are right a lot of the time. Just because Sonny's not confirmed dead doesn't mean he's not," Jason frowns, putting his arm around her and rubbing circles along her back.

Sonny's "death" meant he had to step up in more ways than one. This had marked the year of Jason running the mob, which he'd practically been doing before but was actually doing now. He'd also had to become sort of a surrogate husband to Carly to the point he practically lives there by now. The kids hadn't questioned it; they'd asked a few times if there was anything going on there but after getting a firm no there hadn't been anything else from them in forms of questioning their relationship status. It was what it was and that was the same friendship they'd always had.

There had been times even Danny had questioned why they were at that house so much, to the point he once asked Carly if they were together or not.

You know it's reaching an odd point when a twelve year old is asking if you're in love with your best friend.

Of course, they didn't take into consideration the fact the whole town thought they were together. Again. Everyone had assumed, based off of how much time they'd been spending together- surprisingly more than normal- and the fact that he'd all but moved into the house that they were together.

That was a fun one to realize when he'd gotten shot and everyone had assured her that her boyfriend would be fine.

It just wasn't happening, they were friends. Anything more could complicate it and complicated almost always meant that there would be fights they couldn't go to each other to uncomplicate.

"I know that, but I just don't want to live knowing that there's a chance he could be alive somewhere and he's been kidnapped or forgotten his name or something. It's like I'm stuck in this neverending circle where there's barely any hope but I can't pretend there's none either. Sometimes, I wish that the police would show up with a body and I would have to confirm that yes, he is dead, just so that I could get out of this loop," Carly sobs. "And then I feel terrible for wishing he was dead because I love him, you know, but then at the same time, I can't help but feel like I need closure."

"That's not a bad thing, to need closure. None of us get any closure when it comes to this, Carly. You're not a bad person for wanting some," he reminds her. "You've been grieving for a year a man you don't even know for sure is dead. It doesn't make you bad to want to have something definite."

"But wanting my husband dead? That's dark," she argues with him.

"You want to know if he's dead or alive, something to confirm what's happened to him. I hate to break it to you but you don't qualify as a terrible person," Jason chuckles. "You've never killed someone, never hurt a kid."

"I shot a dude in open court, I almost killed AJ. I've done a lot of questionable things in my life, Jason," Carly fights back.

She's not wrong, persay, but she's not right. "That stuff doesn't make you a bad person. Morally grey? Yes. Bad? No. You do what you think is best and you're impulsive. If something's not going your way, you'll tip the scales. It's just how you are. None of that makes you a bad person. Some people might not like it, but you've never killed someone or hurt a kid, so in my book you're a good person."

Carly's head comes out of her hands for a minute and he smiles, wiping away the tears. "Well you're not a bad person either. You'd never hurt a kid and you only kill in self defense or if the person's really bad and threatening someone you care about. It's not like you wake up and go kill someone for shits and giggles. You mourn the people you kill and feel bad about it. Only a purely horrible person wouldn't feel bad about their murders."

"Neither of us are bad people, let's just agree on that at least."

"Fine," she relents finally. That only took a year. "I miss Sonny. Especially this time of year. Last year, he read Donna and Avery the Grinch and he had the world's worst Grinch voice. I practically begged him to read another book because of how bad it was. But this year, I wish he would be able to read it to them."

"I miss him too," Jason admits. "It's been a hell of a year without him."

"That it has. So much has changed," she agrees with him, shifting her position on the couch so she's lying her head on his lap.

That's probably why the kids thought they were dating.

He plays with her hair as she laughs, remembering some obscure detail about his telling of the Grinch and decorating for Christmas.

Scratch that, this is definitely why everyone thinks they're together.

"Hey Mom, Jason," Joss greets them, coming in from the kitchen. "I'm going to Trina's. Donna's with Ophelia at the Quartermaine's and Avery's with Ava."

"Alright sweetie, have fun," Carly bids her daughter goodbye, sighing. "Why is she so adult now? I mean, I can remember when she was born and it feels like yesterday. Hell, Michael's birth feels like yesterday. And they're both so grown up."

"Time flies when you're having fun," he answers.

"Where'd you get that? A throw pillow or some advice of my mother's?"

"A card someone sent me back when I was in the hospital. Needless to say, that card got tossed in the trash as soon as you'd let me stand up to go to the trash."

"Who the hell sent that to you of all people?"

"No clue. It didn't have a name attached."

"Huh. Well, it's a terrible expression. Too throw pillow. The real answer would be that we're aging, sadly," Carly sighs again, equally as dramatic. "Granted, I still look like I'm 27, but somehow I've aged."

"Age is but a number."

"You sound like a Hallmark card."

"Rude."

"You do!"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm aging as well. You're not in this whole getting old thing alone. Provided, of course, that you agree to age," he smirks.

"I don't have anything better to do, sadly, so I suppose I'll agree to getting older. But I refuse to have a gray hair."

"Then go to the salon when you notice one and dye your hair."

"I plan on it," the blonde smiles at him before changing the topic. "Do you think we're weird?"

"That came out of nowhere."

"Answer the question."

"No?"

"That sounded like a question."

"Carly, how am I supposed to answer this one? I don't know, maybe?" Jason says, though most of it comes out as a question.

"Well, I mean, think of it. Sonny's been presumed dead for a year. You've been in charge of the business and been there for all of us in more ways than I can count. Seriously, I think Donna sees you as a father," Carly chuckles. "And you've listened to me crying and losing it. Hell, you spent a month and a half at the island just so I wouldn't be alone."

"Hey, you're family. I was happy to do all of those things. Besides, you wouldn't leave my side when I got shot. Or for a very long month after that," he jokes.

"I know but you didn't have to do that. You didn't have to step up and parent the kids. You already had Danny and Scout and the breakup with Sam to deal with, that's a lot at once. Not to mention, taking over the business and grieving Sonny. And dealing with me. All at the same time," she smiles. "Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful, but you had no obligation to do any of that."

"Carly, do you think I'd be here right now if I didn't want to? You know me better than that. I love you and the kids and want to be there for all of you. So far, I've only gotten shot once and that was unrelated, so I'd consider this a pretty good experience."

The blonde scoffs at him and he chuckles. "Not funny. You could've died."

Rolling his eyes, he reminds her, "I didn't."

"Well you're not allowed to get shot for a long time."

"I'll take getting shot off of my to do list."

"Don't you dare joke about this!"

"Alright. Look at me. I'm not going to die anytime soon. I promise. It takes a lot more than a measly bullet to kill me, after all. Not even Russian madmen could do it," he says seriously.

"Good. Because if you do that to me again, I'll have no choice but to resign myself to a life in either prison or Ferncliff," she says half seriously, getting a laugh out of Jason.

It's not entirely unrealistic she'd end up in one of those positions, especially given that it's already happened. Repeatedly.

Maybe there's a sign she should stop doing dangerous things.

Almost as though she's being told to by something inside her, Carly connects her lips with his.

to be continued

why do i get myself into these things smh

[folktalesandmythsandlegends]

Seleme and Dionysus

So one day Zeus, the king of the Olympian gods, visited Earth and he saw a drop-dead beautiful woman named Semele. Zeus is all like "I have to have her" because Zeus can't control himself. Ever. So he changes his appearance so Hera, his wife and Queen of the Olympians won't find out and keeps it a secret. So Semele and Zeus start to see each other, and everything is great, until Hera finds out about this. Hera, being the jealous wife/sister of Zeus decides that her honor is ruined, and she's so angry that she's out for blood. She has to destroy Semele at all costs. So she disguises herself as a mortal woman. Not just any mortal woman, she is a handmaiden to Semele herself. Hera becomes BFF's with Semele. She does her hair and nails and helps pick out her outfits and likes all her selfies. Of course, Hera is one of the few Olympians who actually thinks about what to do and had formulated a plan. She wanted all the details on Zeus and Semele's relationship.

 So one day while doing each other’s nails Hera asks Semele, “Do you think your boyfriend actually loves you? I heard a rumor he was actually Zeus, is that true?” 

So thinking that they are great friends Semele says, "Listen, Zeus totally loves me. He loves me so much that he promised to do whatever I ask of him to do. He even played that Ain't No Mountain High Enough song for me and it was so romantic. I guess you could say it's pretty serious." 

Hera thinks to herself "Yes! My totally evil plan to defeat Semele and get back at Zeus is going to be better than I thought! I am so awesome and beautiful." So she goes back to Semele and says that if Zeus would do anything for her she should ask him to show off all his awesomeness, the same way he did when he was dating, Hera. And Semele thinks it’s a great idea. 

So Zeus comes by later and is like "Hey babe, how's it going?"

So Semele says everything is great. So later when they are going on a romantic date at the local drive-in movie theatre Semele says "Hey, do you remember that sacred oath you said about doing anything I ask you?"

And he's all like "Sure I remember. What do you want? Do you want to be Queen of Greece? Or more servants and money?" And she says "No. I want to see all your awesomeness the exact same way you did with Hera." Zeus doesn't want to, but because he promised her, he agreed to show off all his power and awesomeness. He has strobe lights, a disco ball, a fog machine, confetti, there was loud music playing in the background. It was too much awesomeness for Semele so she screamed, burst into flame, and died. Zeus knew he was her baby Daddy though so he grabbed the baby she was six months pregnant with, and sewed him into his thigh to hide him from Hera. So Dionysus grows and when it's time for him to be born, Zeus took out the stitches. He then called Hermes over and said "Hera's going to be so ticked if she finds out Dionysus is still alive. So take him to his Aunt Ino and her husband. And to make sure he is super protected makes him look like a girl." Hermes is like "Kay." And does what Zeus said.

Eventually, Hera finds out that Dionysus survived, and she is super ticked. Like ten times as ticked as Zeus thought she would be. She was so ticked that she made Ino and her husband totally crazy. So Zeus took Dionysus and made him a goat. He gave goat Dionysus to some Asian nymphs to take care of, but Hera found him again and made him crazy times 10. So Dionysus is walking around all over the Mediterranean world in places like Egypt and Syria doing these awful crimes like murder and theft when he runs into Rhea, a great goddess, in Phrygia and she makes Dionysus better and forgave him for the bad things he did. She made him the leader of her cult and gave him oriental clothes and an ivy wreath to wear. And he did wear it and never changed. Ever. He taught everyone how to make wine from grapes and how to farm with yolk and ox. People joined his cult, and everyone was happy.

Well most everyone. This dude named Lycurgus, a King of Thrace did not like Dionysus' cult so he didn't let Dionysus sit with him at the plastic’s table, and imprisoned his followers. Dionysus did not like that, so he made Lycurgus so crazy he thought his son was a grapevine that needed pruning, and he murdered his son by chopping off his arms and legs. So the moment Lycurgus' son died he realized what he had done. But Dionysus was not done. He made all of Thrace barren for such a long time that Lycurgus went to go see an oracle. The King was all like "I must have ticked off Dionysus a lot. What do I need to do to make Thrace lush again?" The oracle responded, "You need to die, idiot." So because the king didn't want to die he tried to keep it a secret. And naturally, because it was a secret, everybody in the kingdom found out and they all killed him. It was a mass meeting of 1-800-choke dat hoe. 

So then Dionysus went to Thebes, and a profit told the King Pentheus that if he had to do all the religious rites for Dionysus. If he didn't, then all the mothers would tear their children's arms and legs off and decorate the woods with the limbs. Pentheus' own mother would kill him that way. But Pentheus didn't believe him. So Dionysus arrives, and the party doesn’t start till he walks in. So everyone in Thebes is having a party and doing the Dionysus cult thing, and King Pentheus gets word of that. Now Pentheus is really angry. He goes around yelling at everyone and saying that he thought Thebes would have had to be taken by force of an army. “It would at least be more honorable than this!” 

So he’s ticked off and demands that Dionysus be captured to determine if he is a fake. But Pentheus’ bros tried to change his mind, but it just made Pentheus even angrier. So his guards went out to try to find Dionysus, but they couldn’t find him because everyone, EVERYONE was too turnt, so they grabbed one of Dionysus’ priests because the guards were afraid to return to the king empty-handed. 

So Pentheus roasts Dionysus in front of the priest when the priest decides to tell Pentheus the story of how he met Dionysus. 

“It’s like this.” He said. “I was a pirate on a ship when the ship got stuck? So me and my crew spent the night and the next morning we woke up and we were thirsty so we went to go look for water, right? So then this dude wearing purple just shows up on the beach! So my crew got together without me and said “dudes I think this guy is a Prince! We could make a fortune if we sold him!” Right? So they go ashore and this guy is high or turnt, or almost asleep so it should have been easy to chain him right? Wrong! No matter how they tried to put the chains on they kept falling off. They were seriously tripped up by this. But somehow they got him on our boat, and I saw him and was like “This guy looks like a god, and that thing with the chains, he has to be a god.” So then I was yelling at my crew like “Dudes, this guy is a god for real for real! He even looks like a god, and you can’t see that? You might have captured Zeus, or his bro Poseidon, or Zeus’ son Apollo, fools! We can’t take him, ya’ll are trippin,” but my captain was like “Nah bro, you’re crazy just make like Miley Cyrus and Do Your Thing, and we’ll deal with this guy. This dude is rich, not immortal, but the gods must have sent him here to make us rich, you know what I’m saying?” 

“So right then the dude wakes up, and is like “Where am I, how did I get here?” But the captain was like “You can hitch a ride with us. Where do you want to go?” So the dude said, “My home is on the island of Naxos.” So the captain was like “Lit, we’ll take you there.” But I knew that this fool was lying, so I didn’t do my job. So the captain made someone else steer the ship. So we are sailing when Purple dude says “Wait we’re not heading towards Naxos! How could you? I came out to have a good time and honestly, I’m feeling so attacked right now.” Then the ship stopped right there, like no movement, like it was dead. So we’re sitting there when suddenly homie points to the sail because there is a grapevine growing, but with vines of ivy growing and a bunch of other fruit and everything was getting covered and then it started to smell sweet, and the deck started to get covered in wine, and everyone was terrified, I mean terrified. We all looked at the purple dude who was really angry. He had on a wreath of ivy and grapes and was shaking a pole called a thyrsi that was covered in ivy and grapevines. Then all these animals appeared out of nowhere by his feet. Like a lynx a tiger and a panther. Then Yogi bear showed up and he was angry, and the dude was too. So he changed into this huge lion and killed the captain. So now everyone is running around trying to find a way to get away, ‘cuz this was some messed up stuff. They were tearing away vines to try to get to the oars that wouldn’t move, when their hands turned to fins, straight up! So they are all trying to jump overboard now, and as soon as they hit the water, BOOM! They were dolphins, for real! Nineteen of my bros became nineteen dolphins. So the young dude turns back into himself and was like “You’re cool, so I saved you. By the way I’m the son of Zeus, Dionysus.” So that was that, and since then me and my Immortal bro Dionysus are tight. And we get more mortal followers all the time, straight up.” 

Pentheus was ticked off. “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US! Take him away and beat him up, then kill him for that stupid story!” 

So the guards were preparing his torture and saying to each other that they needed to let him go, when suddenly there was an earthquake, and the door opened and the chains fell and the priest walked out with a fog machine blowing smoke behind him. So the guards ran up to Pentheus and told him what happened. And Pentheus was like “Am I the only one that can do things the right way?” So he goes out and starts stalking Dionysus and all his followers on Facebook and Twitter, and Tumblr, and Pinterest, etc. He wants to know how Dionysus gets all his followers and friends. So he is looking at the likes and spying on them in a tree because he had gotten so mad at hearing the hysteric songs and shrill screams. He keeps looking and watching, trying to figure out how to defeat this “boy” when his mother sees him in the tree. She gets so mad at the fact that he is spying on all Dionysus’ followers and watching them do their rites and rituals that she takes out her iStone 11 and calls her friends to help her chase this boar that is destroying the land. So Pentheus runs like a mad man, but the women are so much faster and they catch him and cut off his hands. Pentheus starts to yell out to his mother in a desperate attempt for her to recognize him, but just like Lycurgus before her, she didn’t recognize her own son. He begged her, but she said the last words Pentheus ever heard. “This trophy of the hunt is mine!”  So she cut off his head and put it on a thyrsus and scattered his body everywhere. Later at the party, she realized what she did and showed everyone. They were so afraid, but Dionysus had taken over their kingdom and everyone was happy. Well except for Hera who was angry that Dionysus could turn people to dolphins and make mothers and fathers kill their own children. Everywhere he went she tried to stop him by punishing everyone else, but she never directly punished Dionysus. Dionysus continued on his road trip to get more followers. He even went back to Naxos and married a girl named Ariadne. On one of the last of his travels, he went down into a Burning Ring of Fire, also known as Hades, or the underworld. In the underworld, he found his mother Semele, who he renamed Thyone. He brought her up to Mt. Olympus to live happily ever after. 

The version of this myth was taken from Mythology and You: Classical Mythology and Its Relevance To Today’s World by Donna Rosenberg and Sorelle Baker

Notes

Some versions of the myth cite Semele as a princess of Thebes, some not only say she was a princess but the daughter of the founders of Thebes, Cadmus, Prince of Thrace brother to Europa, and Harmonia, who was the daughter of Ares and Aphrodite. A scholarly analysis of another version says Semele could have been a priestess. 

In other versions of the myth, after the “second birth” of Dionysus, instead of giving Dionysus to Ino and her husband, Zeus had Hermes give him to the nymphs of Nysa where he stayed until manhood. Another version says Dionysus was given to Ino and her younger sister Argave who eventually betrayed Dionysus. Ino was punished, most likely by Zeus, by making her go mad and jumping into the sea with her own son where they were saved by the sea nymphs and stayed forever helping sailors.

In another version of this myth, when Dionysus made his way to Thrace, Lycurgus still opposed the worship Dionysus was leading, insulted, and set out to capture Dionysus. However, Dionysus retreated to the ocean only to return later and defeat Lycurgus. As punishment, Dionysus  imprisoned him in a cave until he went mad and realized Dionysus was a god whence Zeus struck Lycurgus blind. Lycurgus died soon after.

Almost every version talkies about the pirates who captured Dionysus, but it varies on how. One version says that Dionysus hired the Pirates after retreating to the ocean from Lycurgus and coming up on the wrong side. Other versions say he was taken while conscience and cocky and others say he was fast asleep when captured. One aspect that remains consistent is the fact that Dionysus was going to be used to get money either via ransom or sold into slavery in Egypt or other lands and at least one person objected to this arguing he might be a god. All versions have Dionysus making the sailors go bonkers.

The “Asian Nymphs” are most likely from Persia or Asia Minor which is modern day Turkey. This is my own educated guess based on the idea that, according to the myth, he wandered in that region.

Some versions have Dionysus travel as far as India.

After leaving Nysa a version of the Myth has him travel to Crete to grant Midas’ wish to turn everything he touches to gold. Chronologically, I am uncertain as to when Dionysus granted Midas’ wish, but the myth of King Midas does have Dionysus grant the wish. 

Naxos, Thrace, Thebes, and Phrygia are not close together and on a map this is clearly seen. Ultimately, this was the reason I choose to start my Greek Myths with this story. We can see the sphere of influence that the Hellenic world had on the the surrounding area and get a better idea on how large the Hellenic area is even if the majority of the myth only takes place in the Aegean.

Yellow-Thrace

Red- Thebes

Purple- Naxos

Blue- Phrygia (slightly more south east than placed but unable to be seen from the above map.)

Sources Referenced

D’aularies’ Book Of Greek Myths by Ingri and Edgar Parin D’aularie’s

Mythology And You: Classical Mythology and Its Relevance To Today’s World by Donna Rosenberg and Sorelle Baker

Mythology: Timeless Tales Of Gods and Heroes by Edith Hamilton

Tales Of The Greek Heroes by Roger Lancelyn Green

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Marlene

Ali: Hey babe, sorry I missed rehearsal, know you rocked it regardless  💋 Marlene: Kind of need our lead singer to do that. Instrumental wasn't the vision for the track, babygirl Marlene: Where did you have to be? We could've rescheduled Ali: I know, I know, my bad! Make it up to you Ali: Ugh, got detention, didn't I Ali: don't even get me started on that Marlene: Make it up to me alone or me and the band? Marlene: Little rebel Marlene: Can't have you getting in more trouble by ditching, can we? Marlene: I'll add in another rehearsal, the girls won't mind Ali: Why not both? Ali: Come over and I'll record the vocals for you Ali: You know it boo 👩🏼‍🎤 Ali: Exactly, even though I'm fully staging a protest tomorrow Marlene: That's my girl Marlene: I'll be there front and centre, lending my voice to the movement Ali: Aww, so supportive Ali: cute 😉 Ali: I've rallied all the usual suspects so it shouldn't be a flop Ali: we have the allotted hours, like, if they fail to control us in 'em, why add more, yeah? pointless, where's the logic Marlene: Making me so proud to have you on my arm Ali: As you should be Ali: Though that arms not bad 💪 Marlene: I wouldn't be the best bassist in this shithole if it was Ali: One track mind 😏 SUCH a bassist Ali: don't you ever break that focus? Marlene: It has been known Marlene: For the right girl Ali: Introduce me to her some time, yeah? Ali: Get some tips Marlene: You know her pretty well Marlene: The name's Alison, like the song Ali: So soft Ali: Still say we do a Elvis Costello and Dolly mashup Ali: idc what you say, Jolene is a bop and you need to own it Marlene: If I can hear you do an original Elvis cover, I'll think about it Ali: Fine, I'll happily sing about myself all day Ali: can even get the accent down, thanks Ma Marlene: I'll be waiting for that Marlene: The girls are asking if you need posters or anything else for the protest? Anything to stick around and drink more Ali: Patience, babe Ali: Gotta save these pipes for the protest Ali: Feel free to go for their lives, like Ali: Bear in mind if they use too many expletives, the School ain't gonna listen tho Ali: creative language, not colourful, ladies Marlene: No promises on getting them to dial back the reclaimed slurs Marlene: But we'll leave off calling the teachers the cunts they are Marlene: For you, our glorious leader Ali: 🙇 down Ali: I'll take it, they're not going to go anywhere near hate speech vibes, too risky Marlene: Tempting offer Marlene: I'll take you up on it when we're alone Ali: Yeah? Gonna skip rehearsal more often then Marlene: For revolution and no less, babe Marlene: But I have missed you Ali: The revolution's always rolling, babe Ali: I can't stop the wheels of change, you know Marlene: I know you want me to make a rock and roll pun Marlene: But I refuse Ali: Boooooo 👎 Ali: too punk for me now? Marlene: Not gonna quote a dead white man either, not even Lennon Marlene: You're still my little punk princess, you know Ali: Throw some Yoko craziness at me Ali: 👑 Marlene: Keeping it back so the protest won't flop. Can't let it Ali: Sure, you just don't wanna get on the rooftop with your mates Ali: someone'd fall, or get pushed 😂 Marlene: Not me or you Marlene: With these arms we're safe Ali: 🔫 pew pew Ali: they wanna try me, bitch Marlene: We should fill up supersoakers for those who are anti our message Marlene: Piss on their negativity in a literal sense Ali: not with actual piss, right? Marlene: You have to start thinking punk rock, babe Ali: I am not pissing into a supersoaker Ali: not dying to prove my aim is as good as a man's like Ali: you do you, babe but I'll leave it at good old fashioned water Marlene: Now who's deserving the boos and jeers Marlene: So regal of you Ali: what can i say? my idea of a good time isn't pissing on my own hands Ali: crazy, i know 😉 Marlene: How true my love is Marlene: Any time's a good time with my baby Ali: 💙 Ali: forreal tho, what are we doing this weekend Marlene: There are a few parties Ali: where Ali: i wanna go as far away as poss Marlene: They're local, usual suspects Marlene: We can do something else Ali: Think of something better, yeah Ali: I'm sick of the locals at the mo Marlene: I'll come back to you with a plan Ali: 💋 Ali: that's my girl Marlene: What am I good for if I can't take you away from this shithole? Marlene: Not like it's that hard Ali: You got your license, 'til I got mine I'm at your beck and call, like Ali: Your Ma will be cool, yeah? Doesn't need to be long, just long enough to breathe Marlene: I'll make a deal with her Marlene: Name drop you since she's a fan Ali: Such a parent pleaser 😇 Marlene: If you sang it she'd do anything you say Marlene: Thinks you've got the voice of an angel for sure Ali: Aww, what a babe Ali: like mother like daughter 😏 Marlene: She had her moments of hell raising Marlene: Would to this day if it was possible Ali: Imma ask her all about it when I see her Ali: fo'sho Marlene: That'd make her happy Ali: Who doesn't love being scandalous? Marlene: Whoever gave you detention Ali: Give you three guesses 😑 Marlene: I don't need them Marlene: Most are in your fan club too Ali: Exactly Ali: Don't teach R.S. if you can't handle healthy debate Marlene: Yeah. We live in Dublin not a dictatorship Ali: Honestly Ali: Some people really wanna take it back to the troubles Ali: Shouldn't have said as much but chill, dude Marlene: Freedom of speech, babe Marlene: I've lost count of how many teachers I've called homophobes Marlene: Gotta speak up Ali: True Ali: you are a bit quick on the draw sometimes, like Marlene: I'm not letting them get away with it Ali: Just sayin', plenty of reasons to give you dirty looks, babe, not all of 'em that you're gay 😜 Marlene: I'm a perfect gentleman and you know it Ali: True Ali: You don't look it tho Marlene: You don't look like a rebel queen Marlene: And yet Ali: I know looks are deceiving, tell it to the homophobes, babe 😏 Ali: also you gotta stop with the compliments 😾 Marlene: But everyone's clearing out. It's the perfect time to shower you with them Marlene: Where do you wanna be? Here or there Ali: When bae only sweet talks you when their mates aren't about Ali: SUCH a fuckboy, darling 💋 Marlene: You know what I was getting at, darling Marlene: We can be alone finally Marlene: But only if you're in the mood Ali: I'll come over Ali: as much as my Ma is also a fan, just yours like, not so much mine Marlene: Let me pick you up Marlene: It's too dark for that shit Ali: Nah, I wanna walk Ali: gotta burn off the energy I didn't get to rock out Marlene: Hold your keys since you won't take my knife off me Ali: Don't worry Ali: My Da beat you to the self-defense lesson, like Ali: I'm sweet Marlene: If I'm not there to protect you, I'm bound to worry Ali: You worry too much, baby Ali: Good thing I'm coming to take all your cares away Ali: and I've got bud, naturally 🚬 Marlene: And I hid some drinks from the vultures Ali: Party of two 😘 Marlene: When you get here. Until you do I'm sitting on the floor alone writing shitty songs about you Ali: Try and write a good one, will ya? Not having it bandied about that I'm a shit muse 😉 Ali: you could never Ali: gonna play for me when I get there? Marlene: Been trying since I met you, babygirl Marlene: It's not you, it's me Ali: Nah Ali: there's a hit in there, I just gotta try harder Ali: as you're so anti-establishment, your brain is noping on writing a bop that everyone will love Marlene: I want you to love it Marlene: You're the one it's for Ali: I'm excited to hear Ali: assuming I don't get shanked on the way by the big bad wolf Marlene: Your tragic early death isn't the inspiration I want or need Ali: Tell it to the TV writers, hun Ali: angry protest song #765 Marlene: I'll sing you my shitty song and you can die laughing Ali: Never Ali: cross my heart Marlene: And fingers that I can patch together a chorus that doesn't make me wanna die before you get here Ali: 🤞 Ali: I have faith enough for two Marlene: As an angel, you kind of have to bring it Ali: No pressure 😓 Marlene: I'm more than okay with you lacking it, stick it to your detention giver over again Marlene: And I love you, so forgiven most sins Ali: A benevolent Goddess you are Marlene: Modeled on the original lesbian in the sky Ali: Debated theology enough today to live and let live on that one babe Marlene: Promise I'll save the angry lesbian god essay recital for another night Ali: You're a doll 💋 Ali: Oh, hold up, I see my ex Ali: ready for this awkward convo in 3 2 Ali: brb Marlene: Bet you want me to pick you up now, don't you? Ali: [15 mins later] Ali: That was wild Marlene: What the fuck, Ali Marlene: I was about to start searching for you Ali: Soz, more chatty than I remember Ali: only gone at got someone pregnant hasn't he Marlene: Dodged a bullet Ali: Tell me about it Ali: Still out on the town tryna get some though Ali: is that the new come on? I'm fertile! Marlene: In this town, likely Marlene: Which ex is it? Ali: #4 good drugs, bad teeth Ali: the one who lowkey stalked me after and my brother had to smack him one Ali: good times, unexpected detour down memory lane there but got us some freebies so Marlene: It took 15 mins to get what you're owed, how long does he take over customers who aren't his stalked exes Marlene: bad business is what you should've called him Marlene: Or manners Ali: names are definitely open to workshopping Ali: he had to show me the scan pics, duh Marlene: Had to do the whole come on Marlene: fucking pig Ali: Bless Ali: have your fun whilst you still can, kid Marlene: not with my girlfriend Ali: don't worry babe, got the drugs for free free Ali: not suck my dick free Marlene: Are you gonna be here soon Marlene: I can still bring the car Ali: Yeah, I'll get a wriggle on Ali: 5 minutes if I run Marlene: If you don't run into any more exes first Ali: cities littered with 'em Marlene: If you didn't date men you could stay friends with them Ali: why would I wanna do that? Ali: I've seen your dyke drama, a no thank you Marlene: I don't have dyke drama Marlene: You're the one trying to avoid the awkward Ali: 😏 Ali: I don't care, its funny Ali: he wasn't that bad, really Ali: don't need to add every ex to my inner circle though, that's a madness Marlene: He stalked you Marlene: He's an asshole Ali: Not properly Ali: Just had issue letting go as fast as I did, who can blame him 😘 Marlene: It's not funny, Ali, it's fucked Ali: So serious 😾 Ali: It ain't like he locked me in his basement, I get to decide how fucked it was or wasn't Marlene: You get to brush it under the carpet too, doesn't make it right Ali: 🙄 you're as bad as my mother Marlene: maybe she's got a point Ali: Ugh, don't need to point score, she already likes ya, babe Ali: he's just a stupid kid, not fucking Bundy, yeah, let's chill Marlene: He doesn't have to be Bundy to be held accountable, babe Marlene: He's gonna be someone's dad Marlene: What the fuck Ali: for what? being a bit of a prick at 16 Ali: s'not a crime, last time I checked Marlene: it doesn't have to be Marlene: Lads think they can do whatever they want Marlene: They can't and shouldn't Ali: Nah, this isn't a soap box moment, babe Ali: we all do things we know are wrong, and ain't proud of Ali: 'cos of how we're feeling Ali: Honestly, not a big deal Ali: and not an exclusively male thing, that's a crock of shit Marlene: If I was heavy handed with one of my exes I'd get so much shit Marlene: He gets boys will be boys Marlene: It's not a big deal because you're making excuses for him Ali: From who? The lesbian mafia? Ali: Straight girls are INSANE Ali: way worse than #4 was ever Ali: I'm not gonna burn him at the stake for something I don't believe in Marlene: Straight girls are a whole other subject Marlene: Last I checked you didn't have any of them as exes so no really the point Ali: That you know of Marlene: I know about every one of your exes Ali: Okay, Liam Neeson Ali: can't be calling out stalkers when you're breathing down the phone like that 😂 Marlene: You're not funny Ali: I am though Ali: but I ain't coming over if you're gonna be such a downer Marlene: Are you serious? Marlene: Your jokes are so bad I can't tell Ali: Duh Ali: Killing my vibe, babe Marlene: You're basically here Ali: So? Ali: I can keep walking into this dark night Marlene: So come in Marlene: I'm sorry, baby Ali: You promise you're gonna stop being lame? Marlene: Cross my heart Ali: Okay, lemme in then

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

This blog was originally posted on the RetroNeo Games blog page on May 27th, 2017.

Let me tell you a story. It’s about a boy who was born into a fairly poor family who eked out a passable existence on a family plot in the mountains. When he was only 12 years old, his father was killed in a tragic farming accident, and as his mother was too ill to work, he became the sole breadwinner for a family of six younger siblings.

He had a talent for singing. His deep and melodious voice, paired with a deep well of emotion bought from years of personal sacrifice, won him many admirers in the taverns and dance halls around the local villages. It wasn’t long before the girls started to notice him.

As his younger siblings matured, he dreamed of leaving the farm and pursuing a career in music, until one day a paramour told him she was pregnant with his child. Dreams of a life of travel and singing were forgotten. They married and his love gave birth to twins some few months later. He was the happiest man alive!

Unfortunately, the harvests had been poor for years, and the bank reclaimed his family’s farm as the twins neared their first birthdays.

With not one, but two families to support, and no means of doing so, he joined the army, one of the few employers who was always hiring. He moved both families to the city as he began boot camp.

His first post was guarding a hydroelectric power plant. It was hard to be away from his family, but he knew that they were safe and provided for.

One day on duty, as he quietly hummed a lament, thinking about the night he first met his beloved, this happened…

GIF recorded from tommytep's YouTube Channel. Click image for source.

THE END

Like that one? Let me tell you another (shorter) story.

A class sits idle in some code, waiting. Its name is Soldier 4. It’s basically frozen in time. It doesn’t even look like anything yet because its mesh hasn’t been rendered because the player camera’s frustum hasn’t come across it yet. Suddenly, the player enters a trigger area around the corner and the class springs to life in glorious pixelated detail. It starts playing an animation, shifting its weight back and forth on two legs. Then a raycast determines  that it’s just been shot 3 times. A rather slow and painful looking death animation is chosen from a small list of predetermined death animations. After a few seconds, Soldier 4 lies still, fades to nothing, and the garbage collector erases any trace of his existence shortly thereafter.

FIN

Okay, which story do you like better? Which is more true? Which is more believable?

Which would you tend to think of when playing a game? I suppose that would depend on how immersed you are, and what lengths the game goes to in order to inform you about non player characters (NPCs).

I used Goldeneye because it’s one of the earliest examples I can think of where my mom was a bit upset that I was shooting people in games, rather than speeding through checkpoints and jumping on robotic animals. It’s also one of the first games I can recall that put some real effort into showing pain in the enemies. You could shoot them in the foot, hand, or crotch, and they’d stop shooting, grab the injured area, make a pained noise and hop around (if they still could).

I was too busy at the time being blown away by the speed and the technology (I’d also never played Doom or similar 3D shooters at that time) to think of the enemies as anything more than obstacles to progression, but I can see now in games what my mom saw then. And it’s got nothing to do with graphics, or realistic animations. It’s partly a question of emotional maturity, of course, but also of storytelling. Where I just saw ‘baddies’ my mom saw me walk into a room and gun down a random young man in a Russian uniform with no provocation. Goldeneye didn’t really give you reasons to kill most of the game’s enemies other than “you’re James Bond and they’re Russian. Duh!”

Twenty years later, we have plenty of room on the disc to fit even a little audio that can precisely let you know why you should (or shouldn’t) want to kill these dudes. Yet in those situations where we have the opportunity to do better, how often do we actually strive to?

When to dehumanise

There are so many games of all sorts. I’m not at all trying to argue that we do want backstories for all game characters in order to make them better. That could often do the opposite.

Brutal Doom's OTT gore doesn't exactly inspire regret or sympathy. Because demons!

Take Doom (new or old). It’s an unapologetic power fantasy, delivered through the medium of speed and violence. Killing demons removes any need for cumbersome storytelling. It’s black and white. Demons are evil. Kill demons. A game shouldn’t try to do too many things. If the extras conflict with the core idea, cut them.

We often dehumanise the enemy in games. Literally. Whether to simplify story, avoid moral debates or to sidestep local censorship laws, we turn our targets into zombies, monsters, robots, or aliens. It works really well. Robots and zombies can also relieve the impact of bad AI, since they’re not meant to be particularly intelligent to begin with. Great! Over the top violence and power fantasies can be fantastically fun, and I wouldn’t change Doom 1 or 4 one little bit.

The topic I’m addressing is what to do when we have human adversaries, who are meant to represent believable people. Because this is the greater challenge, and it’s likely that you seek to tell some sort of story when you’ve chosen to have human antagonists.

There are two types of games that use humans as enemies; those with either fictional or non-fictional settings.

Fictional Settings

GTA V is one of the most realistic, alive open world games that’ve ever been created. But players have zero empathy for the citizens of Los Santos. The game’s over the top satire, occasionally wonky physics, and amazing yet vastly imperfect AI, prevent any great depth of immersion. That’s not to say that you can’t get lost in the game for hours, but you’d never mistake it for a real experience, and you wouldn’t really start to feel for the characters. The emphasis on driving fast across a world populated by pedestrians is fundamentally incompatible with any sort of attempt to make you care about individuals in this world. And that’s fine. GTA V is incredible for what it is, and no game can be everything (though it’s not far off, to be fair).

Now take Rise of the Tomb Raider, which I just finished playing yesterday. As in most games, you’ll mow down hundreds of enemies, but narratively there’s something interesting going on. If you listen to the idle dialogue and/or audio records, you’ll come to appreciate a depth to the enemies. There are the core villains but also their paid and oblivious contractors. Trinity are out to do bad things and don’t care who they kill, but most of the enemy army are hired mercenaries who don’t know about or don’t believe in the religious fanaticism that drives their employers. Among these contractors, many start to realise that their bosses are nuts, and say that they didn’t sign on to round up and shoot local tribespeople. Some talk about trying to get out asap. Some other contractors are psychopaths themselves, and then Trinity are always evil. This approach did make me want to avoid killing certain guys, or at least regret having to do so. A little. It also made me more eager to hear what type of group I was about to go up against, by stealthily sneaking up on their positions instead of opening fire early. It’s a pity that there aren’t any non-lethal options or other mechanics to expand on this narrative theme. Once the bullets start flying, the good ones and the bad ones all want to kill you just as much.

Still, it was a good effort at adding some depth to the game, and I appreciated that it was there. Because personally I’m usually (when facing human game enemies) thinking that they’re probably not all bad and they don’t all deserve to die. It was nice for a game to respond to this.

Of course, other games have done this, and done it better. If you haven’t yet played Spec Ops: The Line then do it now! Even if you think you know all the spoilers, it’s a masterpiece in subverting player expectations. The whole journey through the game is brilliant.

Fundamentally, I think that most conflicts only occur due to a lack of understanding or empathy (including an unwillingness to share resources). With better communication and patience, most could be avoided. Games so rarely attempt to show this, but if narrative is a serious part of the game you want to deliver, then it should be strongly considered.

Games are such a powerful medium for delivering understanding and empathy because the player actively takes part in them. I’m not saying that every game should be doing this, but we could certainly be faring better as an industry.

Historical Settings

Real world armies have forever attempted to dehumanise the enemy in order to make it easier for your own troops to kill them. They’re all savages. They’re all baby killers. They’re all rapists, thieves and murderers, and God is on our side. War films are almost universally anti-war films (especially since Vietnam) and they usually tap into the folly of these lies. Yet war games still seem to find it more convenient to buy the lie hook, line, and sinker.

Maybe it’s because you’re asking the player to do the killing directly for hours on end that designers have felt the need to retain these lies. I remember that in the opening minutes of Call of Duty World at War you’re being brutally tortured by Japanese captors before being rescued by Kieffer Sutherland and his band of more morally upstanding brothers. It’s set up so that you will have no problems killing Japanese or German pixels for the next several hours. Of course, the Japanese and German armies were conducting genocide and torture, and stopping that is a fairly justifiable goal (as long as we’re clear that no side was squeaky clean), but I’m just saying that I’ve never seen a game take the opportunity to do what Letters from Iwo Jima by Clint Eastwood did.

This is why I’m a bit concerned that Call of Duty are returning to World War 2 as a setting this year. For the last several years they’ve been doing fictional settings and usually have some big opening set piece showing you exactly how evil your enemies are and why you should kill them all (they blew up your house and neighbours, usually). Their games are so formulaic that I’m concerned they’ll miss their chance to advance the genre of war games by just ticking all the same boxes in a new (well, old) setting and perpetuating the notion that Americans are always good, and Nazis are always bad. That said, they seem to be heavily influenced by Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan so maybe they will have some shades of grey in their narrative and do something new.

Battlefield 1 at least lets you play as both sides in a conflict and although human lives are reduced to mere ‘tickets’, I do admit that I felt remorse when sitting in a machine gun nest, mowing down a charge across the trenches by the players on the other team.

Yes, it’s a game, but it represents something. Yes, the players will respawn and so it’s more like a game of paintball or virtual tag than an actual battle, but this is where my empathy for pixels idea comes in. Real lives were ended doing exactly this kind of action that I’m doing right now. I sincerely hope that when you watch the last hour of Titanic you feel a lot more moved than when you watch Con Air. Similarly, I hope than when you play games based on the world wars or Vietnam, that a part of you doesn’t glorify the killing in the same way as you the glory kills in Doom.

They’re different beasts, I think, and deserve different treatments from the creators. I hope that Call of Duty: WW2 gets some of that.

Games with more moral weight

I’ve referenced more linear games here so far, but RPGs are traditionally much better at giving weight to your moral decisions, even if they are nearly always set in fantasy or post-apocalyptic worlds.

I recently played Westerado, an indie cowboy RPG/ murder mystery in an open world that you have a lot of agency over. It doesn’t take itself fully seriously, but because you can go anywhere and kill anyone, you feel like you’ve some real responsibility in the world. Because of this responsibility, when I found myself riding out with some US Army soldiers who’d been fighting with native American tribes, and we than happened upon said tribes in a sudden ambush, I said “oh f**k no I will not be killing native Americans and still pretending I’m the good guy”. I ran from the fight. I failed that side quest. I think the army were regrettably all killed but I’m not sure. But that was my story. The game didn’t establish that these natives were out of line in any particular way, just that the army were fighting them. So my own knowledge of history filled in the rest.  While I was happy enough to help the army bring food to settlers (or whatever we were doing in that quest) I was not taking part in any genocide. Pixelated or not.

Here is an example of an extremely unrealistic looking game reaching me on a real level. An historical setting (fictional as the specifics are) and a game where my choices can have a lasting effect can create real empathy even for pixelated characters.

Mechanics for deeper, more sympathetic NPCs

Assuming you want some moral ambiguity or emotional weight in your game, particularly if you’re making a war game, what tools could be used to advance this agenda?

Just having NPCs chatter together is a very simple way of humanising them (for better or worse) before you go in guns blazing or not. It’s tried and true in linear games, but challenging in open worlds where the dialogue inevitably can start to repeat, and feel insincere.

The opening level of Battlefield 1 had you fighting a pitched battle on the Western front. Each time you died (in this level only), as the screen faded to black, you got your character’s name and the year of their birth and death. What it would say on their tombstone, basically. You then respawned as a new soldier elsewhere in the battle. This gave a weight to death that most war games (and the rest of this one) usually can’t deliver. If you add to that system something like “loving father and husband” or “always dreaming” you’ve a better system already.

Valiant Hearts has you play as characters from both sides of the trenches, and actually never has you kill anyone. It shows your Franco-German family in tact before the war, then watches as, torn apart by circumstance, they struggle to reunite.

This War of Mine has you play a war game from the point of view of starving families trying to survive amidst the rubble, where you make decisions to kill innocents because you need food for your own kids. The shocking reality of the unseen other side of war games was powerful.

Apart from historical settings that bring their own moral weight (and ethical dilemmas in terms of storytelling) to the table, you could use procedural generation to fill out backstories for each and every NPC that lives or dies. It’s its own challenge, but it’s possible. Watchdogs had a system where you could hack the phone of anyone in the open world and get a little summary of that person as an individual. That’s not an end in itself, but it’s a tool in the box.

Dwarf Fortress procedurally generates its entire world and history when you launch a new game. Co-creator Tarn Adams and Kitfox Games’ Tanya X Short have some great GDC talks and blogs about procedural generation, including a book they co-wrote called Procedural Generation in Game Design coming out soon. Do check some of it out if you’re interested in the area.

I’ve experimented myself with generating a small town’s size of population. Everyone gets a name, age and job. Every year people grow up and either die, marry, have kids, or do nothing extraordinary. Over a few seconds I grow this town by several generations and all of a sudden have a family history for every character still alive at the moment I start playing the game properly. I’m planning on using something similar to this in Sons of Sol to flesh out your wingmates’ backgrounds, though we don’t yet know the extent of player interaction with wingmates outside of the main missions.

In Conclusion

There are many more ways we could flesh out NPCs. Better AI is one. We could even get as far as giving NPCs the levels of interactivity that the hosts in Westworld have. Though I think the point of that show is that some people will just refuse to acknowledge the humanity in artificial things, while others can empathise with them very naturally; less because they’re fooled by looks or behaviour, but more because they’re emotionally invested in the story.

Humans have always loved storytelling, and creators have always found new and better ways of expanding our toolset for crafting them. We have amazing tools for creating empathy and understanding through interaction now.

Games are chief among the most consumed media in the modern age. Violence and conflict are a core part of many of our games, but also a significant part of the real world that we live in. In a world that too often seems to lack empathy and a willingness to understand our adversaries, games could be our best tool to foster a willingness to understand other sides in a conflict. I think it’s important that we start to do this more often. It doesn���t suit every game, but where killing humans is the main activity, and especially in historical war games, I think we can and should do better than we have been. We’re moving the right way, I think, but let’s keep it up.

Until next time..