#the end x files episode

[katy-kt-katie]

SPOON

Rated: Explicit

Part of a Collection of one-shot fics focused on the S5 Episode, "The End"

Read here on AO3: Link

Collection here on AO3: Link

This one-shot occurs at 41 minutes in episode, when Scully is finishing a phone call with Skinner while at Mulder's apartment.

Scully hung up the phone and turned to see a weary Mulder laying on his couch. 

“Any news on Diana?” he mumbled.

Scully sighed, “They have her on maximum pressers, but she’s barely maintaining her pressure.” 

“What did Skinner have to say?” Mulder asked, too exhausted to even open his eyes.

“There are talks going on right now about reassignment.”

Mulder turned and looked at Scully, “For who?” 

“Both of us,” she peered back sadly. Their eyes locked onto one another's, exchanging a multitude of emotions in just a look; annoyance and frustration, care and concern.

Scully looked away, “These talks included instructions from the Justice Department to close down the X Files.”

He rolled his eyes and looked away, “This was all strategized, every move. I just couldn’t see it. It was all of a plan.”

“Mulder, whatever you may believe,” she sighed, “This time, they may have won.”

He set his jaw, appearing speechless.

She left her chair to come sit by him on the floor in front of the couch, tears in her eyes.  She grabbed his hand and squeezed.

“Scully, come here,” Mulder raised his arm, motioning for her to climb onto the couch with him.

They had taken to holding each other occasionally over the years when cases or events were particularly stressful. The first time was after Scully was confined by Donnie Pfaster. Mulder held her in his arms until she fell asleep that night, then returned to his own motel room.

It happened again, after her sister and his father died.  They held each other through tears until they were both too tired to think anymore. Mulder slept on her couch.

When she had cancer, Mulder would visit her late at night, climb in next to her and hold her while she slept. Scully didn’t know how often he came, but she caught him a few times and his presence both emboldened her and made her even more distraught about seemingly impending death.

The comforting never moved past basic physical pressure and touch.  It never turned sexual, and it never resulted in them sleeping overnight together.  Nonetheless, it seemed to soothe them both tremendously as the darkness continually attempted to overtake them.

Accepting Mulder’s offer, Scully climbed onto the couch and allowed him to spoon her, without hesitation. She sighed, feeling comforted but still concerned.

“What are we going to do?” she asked him.

“I don’t know,” he whispered into her ear, nuzzling his stubble into her neck.

“I’m so sorry about Diana. I know they are doing everything they can to save her,” she hesitated, then continued. “Mulder, how well do you know her?”

“Diana?” he asked.

She nodded, then shifted onto her back so that she could see his face, his arm still draped over her waist and hip.

“She was here when I found the X Files.  She has a strong belief and interest in the unexplained.”

He paused, but she could tell he wasn’t finished talking. She looked into his eyes and patiently waited for him to collect his thoughts.

“We were together. It was getting serious; I loved her. Then she was reassigned and barely said goodbye.”

Her eyes shot wide open and she gasped. “Mulder, I had no idea. I am so sorry.” So, Diana is his long-lost love , she thought.

“It’s okay Scully, it was a long time ago,” he sighed and cleared his throat. “But I certainly didn’t expect to see her again and be working with her on a case.”

“I’m praying for her,” she smiled at him and stroked his bicep, reassuring him.

“Mulder, I have to admit something,” she closed her eyes trying to find her words.

She opened her eyes to find him patiently waiting for her confession.

“I was at the psychiatric hospital yesterday. I came up to tell you about Gibson’s scans and I saw you two holding hands. I was confused.  I know your personal life isn’t my business. But she showed up and is interested in you and the X Files and I just…I couldn’t figure out where I belonged.”

Mulder nodded at her, she could tell he was listening.

“I sort of panicked. I called you and asked you to meet me at the office,” her eyes shutting again, no longer able to look at him, feeling insecure after her confession.

Scully took a deep breath and continued, “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you. I just felt emotional and confused. Like she was trying to take away my partner and my work.”

Mulder nodded again and she felt him squeeze her tighter to his chest. “Scully, I’m sorry you felt that way. Diana is not going to replace you as my partner. The work is better having you as a catalyst to the science and the truth. I will always fight for us to be assigned to the X Files, together.”

Scully smiled affectionately. “Thank you.” She sighed. “You know how important to me our work and our partnership is, don’t you?”

“I think so,” he smiled.

“It’s the most important thing in my life, Mulder.”

He smiled at her, then kissed her forehead.

Physical contact with Mulder always calmed Scully’s nerves. She relaxed, allowing herself to bathe in the feel of his strong arms.

She shifted a bit realizing he probably was wishing it was Diana instead of her. With a romance in his life, things would have to change somewhat. Another woman may not understand how much they’d been through and how close they were as a result; even a fellow agent.

“Mulder, I hope she recovers so that you can have a chance at being together again. I saw the way you looked at her in the hospital. You deserve to be happy.”

Scully turned back to a spooning position, so he didn’t have to watch her process the complicated emotions of dealing with your best friend suddenly being back in a serious relationship.

She felt Mulder's cheek rest against her temple and his mouth just above her ear.

“Scully, I care for Diana,” he whispered and nuzzled in closer, “but I’m here with you.”

“You are here with me,” she whispered back. “Do you want me to take you to the hospital to see her?”

“No Scully. You don’t understand,” he started to slowly stroke her forearm and paused. “I want to be here with you.”

Scully took a deep breath and turned back to him, to see his eyes. Mulder smiled sweetly at her and continued.

“When you saw Diana holding my hand, you said it made you emotional. Can I ask you one question about that and plead with you to be honest?” his hand stroked her jawline once, gently, giving her goosebumps.

Scully stared at him and felt nervous and overwhelmed by his intense sincerity, “Okay,” she replied.

“It is possible you were jealous?” He sighed and she saw him shut his eyes, but continued, “You saw a woman with me, in what appeared to be a romantic situation. Is it at all possible that you didn’t want another woman to be touching me like that?  Maybe even that you hoped it was you instead?”

Mulder’s eyes stayed closed as he waited for her to respond.

She closed her eyes and played the situation back in her mind, her feelings when she returned to her car, imagining Mulder and Diana together; how it made her feel.

Scully knew the answer; it was absolute overwhelming jealousy. She knew she had very regular thoughts and feelings about Mulder that were not platonic, but she had become adept over the years at pushing them far away into the corners of her brain, never allowing herself to think too much about it.

She did wish it were her that had a romantic past with him, and a romantic future .

But why was Mulder asking her to be honest about this?  Wasn’t it too late? She had suppressed her feelings for too long and now this long-lost love was back in his life. She felt tears fill her eyes.

“Scully, look at me please. Tell me the truth; were you jealous?”                            

She turned, now facing him and tucked her head into his chest, suddenly embarrassed, “Yes. But Mulder, why are you making me admit this to you when you are interested in her?”

“Scully, I'm not interested in her.”

“You’re not?” she spoke into his chest, still too apprehensive to look at him.

Mulder gently tugged on her chin, forcing her to look at him again, “Scully, I’m interested in you,” he smiled at her. “The fact that you were jealous thinking about me with Diana…are you interested in me too?”

Scully couldn’t find words, but softly nodded and smiled. Mulder gently stroked her jaw again before leaning forward and kissing her. His lips felt like pillows; soft and warm. He pulled back slightly and she found him studying her; checking for her consent.

“Please,” was all Scully managed to get out, in a soft whisper, so he kissed her again, now pushing his tongue into her mouth. She moaned and met Mulder’s tongue with hers.

She pulled away slightly, dragging her teeth over his plump lower lip. Mulder groaned in reply. She felt her arousal taking over and shifted a leg between his trying to relieve a bit of the building pressure.

“God, Scully. There is no one else. There hasn’t been for years. I want you,” Mulder confessed while his lips grazed hers.

Mulder ran his hand down her torso slowly, but the slow pace was becoming problematic as her need was starting to overwhelm her. She pulled her sweater off and removed her bra too. He took off his t-shirt. Mulder held her tightly for a moment and the feel of his hard chest against her naked breasts resulted in fresh arousal in her panties. 

Mulder grinned at her before shifting down her body and momentarily resting his face in her cleavage. He sighed and after a second or two, he started to suckle and flick her nipple. God he was good with his mouth. The sensation of his tongue on her created a mirrored sensation in her clit; he might as well have been touching it too the way it was throbbing.

Scully was panting now, heart racing, almost hyperventilating.

“Are you okay, Scully?” he asked, concerned.

“Mulder I…I pushed my feelings for you away for so long, I didn’t realize how strong they were. I’m a bit overwhelmed. I want you so much.”

He smiled broadly and stroked her hair, “We can take it slowly if you want, Scully.”

She giggled and looked at him, her body trembling with anticipation, “No, I want you now, Mulder. I’m just…I never thought,” she sighed. “It’s been a hard day,” her eyes filled with tears again, “but I’m so happy right here, right now.”

Mulder returned his attention to her body, gently flicking one nipple with his tongue while his hand reached for the zipper on the side of her skirt, “May I?”

“Yes,” she grinned. Scully shifted her hips to make it easier for him. He zipped it down, tossed her skirt to the floor and she felt his hand palm her Mons and squeeze it gently.

She panted heavily and removed her pantyhose. He stood to remove his pants and boxers.

“Mulder, oh my God,” she squealed.

“What?” he chuckled.

“You are huge,” Scully whispered, even though no one else was in his apartment.

I made him blush, she thought. He shrugged before crawling back onto the couch behind her, pulling her back into his spoon. 

He nuzzled into her neck again affectionately, “Scully, you are so beautiful. I dream about you like this; wanting me to touch you, your body pressed against mine.”

She was overcome with arousal. She could feel him fully stiff behind her. She shifted her leg on top of his to allow him access to her. “Mulder, I want you,” she said, twisting her neck slightly so that her lips could find his for a kiss.

She felt him tilt his hips a bit, and then he entered her.

“Oh my God,” Scully exclaimed. The sensation of him inside of her was astounding; his size resulting in all the nerves inside of her feeling friction simultaneously.

And then there was the effect Mulder was having on the rest of her body. From this position, it felt like he had completely taken her over; his face was back to nuzzling her neck. His hand below her was reaching up to fondle her nipples while his other hand clutched around her body, reaching into her patch of curls.  His erection was inside of her as his legs entangled with hers. He was in complete control of her.

“Mmmm…” was all Scully could get out. This wasn’t frenzied or boring like when she’d had sex before… years ago ...he was methodical. He was in control. 

His proximity was electric, the friction inside intense and his finger working on her clit felt so good . “Mulder, I’m so close. Please don’t stop.”

“I won’t stop honey,” Mulder whispered into the shell of her ear.

After a few more moments her orgasm was upon her. “Baby, I’m going to come,” she moaned breathily.

Mulder continued touching her in all the right places as her orgasm stretched on seemingly indefinitely. She’d never had an orgasm last this long or feel this intense. 

His pace quickened and she realized he was climaxing too, he pushed into her hard, panting into her ear, giving her chills on top of the after effects of her massive orgasm.

She felt his whole body stiffen and then relax as he finished.  His head laid back in the crook of her neck and he sighed peacefully.

“My God, Scully, tell me that wasn’t perfect.”

“Mulder…I’m speechless,” she giggled.

He pushed back a few tendrils of hair from her forehead and smiled as he finally pulled out of her. She shifted to her back to look at him.

“Scully, don’t keep your feelings from me anymore, okay? Let me be with you. Let me know what you need.”

“Okay,” Scully said, sighing and smiling in response to the warm emotion on his face.

He squeezed her tightly against him, “I like that you called me baby,” he teased.

“Mulder! I’m so embarrassed…so sorry,” she sighed.

“Not embarrassing. So cute, let me be your baby.”

She smiled, then sighed obviously in thought again. “Mulder, what if we get reassigned? What if they close the X Files?”

He closed his eyes and exhaled.

“I still have you. And I still have myself,” he winked.

She remembered a few years ago, when he'd said something similar when they had been reassigned temporarily. She smiled at him and pecked the tip of his nose.

“We have us, Scully,” he said.

“Us,” she smiled and closed her eyes as he kissed her forehead.  She turned back around, reclaiming her spot in his spoon. He pulled down his Navajo blanket to cover them and they fell asleep. Content to rest in the arms of each other and push their worries to tomorrow.

[xf-cases-solved]

i fucking love how watching xfiles in order gives you such insane emotional whiplash

like for example, s1 you have ice, this amazing "the thing"-esque thriller, immediately followed by space, which is probably top ten least memorable episodes in the world. beyond the sea has so many emotional beats and insane levels of acting skill, immediately followed by fucking gender bender lmfao. the absolute mindfuck of having the duane barry/ascension/one breath trio interrupted by the 14 year old emo kid's vampiric wet dream that is 3??? unparalleled levels of unhinged decision making in that production room

anyway, i just watched colony/end game, and it ends with that poignant scene between mulder and scully in the hospital, after she put on such a demonstration of loyalty and love by ignoring his wishes and going after him and saving his life, and mulder finishes the scene by talking about how he has renewed faith in his search for truth despite his heartbreak, and it's beautiful bc in the end, isn't loyalty, love, and faith what this show is all about? -cue credits-

then "watch next episode" pops up and

it is the one with the invisible gorilla

this shit sure does keep you on your toes, huh?

[moonbeesstuff]

we were robbed of an episode from skinner's pov where he is chained to his desk for a full day with the phone ringing off the hook and superiors and representatives from government agencies busting down his door for unscheduled meeting after unscheduled meeting to complain about mulder and scully's shenanigans. he has needed a bathroom break since 10 am. no one will let him eat his cucumber sandwich in peace.

[actual-changeling]

there's just something about that season 1/2 affection between them that drives me absolutely insane.

the gentle carefulness, the honest confessions, the utter devotion that is so unique to them i don't think anyone will ever be able to reproduce it.

whenever they get a bit too vulnerable for their comfort they sit with it for a second and then try to turn it into something soft and playful—all while still staying true to how they feel about each other.

(it wasn't iced tea. it didn't have to be. message was received loud and clear on both sides)

imagine having to be stuck with those two in a small room for a prolonged amount of time, you'd probably watch them interact for five minutes and then pass out from the sheer amount of love and attraction crackling between them. no wonder they always work alone

[samanthamulder]

THE X-FILES (1993-2018)

SEASON FIVE — What do you hope to find? I mean, in the end.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 17 thoughts

whispers softly. man... i need a minute. shaky breath.

okay. i'll start at the top like always. AUGH THE TEARS. fighting them. okay. need to put on some sad songs to accompany the 45-60 minutes it will take to type all this up

so, i sat down ready to see where this was gonna go. in fact i noted that i was incredibly locked in. which i continue to believe that i was.

we see a submarine, which is a type of craft i just do not trust. even before all that went down last summer. too scary for me. but they see something giving off a signal. and despite being a cartographer ship, they have missiles. and they're gonna go towards the thing they see on the radar, because they were told to. which seems wrong.

but then all their power is knocked out!!! and they are ordered to surface. but how will they do that under a ton of ice?!?!

title sequence. i was expecting different than the usual "the truth is out there" but i guess it's just business as usual over here despite it all

back to where we left off: scully's on the phone with real mulder and fake mulder is in her room. she hangs up on real mulder and tells the fake one that it was a wrong number, which had to be confusing to real mulder.

she tells him to put his hands on the wall, and he makes some quip about being shot before and not caring for it, and for a minute i'm like oh shit, that's a very mulder thing to do- what if he is, in fact, real mulder, and it's fake mulder on the phone? but that theory didn't make much sense anyway and also it was quickly put to rest by the fact that he started beating the hell out of scully.

so time skip: real mulder shows up to the scene with his "sister", who says the alien hit man is gonna call and ask to make a trade: scully for his "sister", and yeah, quotes are verbatim, i was still not buying this whole family relation thing

but his "sister" says that she knows how to kill the alien hit man: you have to hit the base of his skull. maybe. she isn't 100% certain. and also you can't miss because their blood is toxic. which we actually did already know!

and he's getting suspicious. why won't she explain exactly where she has been all this time? and what's this deal with her "father"? he's yelling at her at this point and i get it because it's not adding up to me either

she says that the aliens have been trying to establish a colony on earth since the 1940's, and:

"it's their belief that the stewardship of the planet is being forsaken" <- okay yeah. can't argue there. some of us are trying, aliens. i am not one of the mega companies pouring nuclear waste into the ocean. but maybe y'all could do a better job. and she continues:

"and that by default they'll someday become the natural heirs" <- well hey. you were sounding reasonable but now you are not. have we considered that maybe the people already here could give it another go free from the shackles of the 1%? you're acting like it's an estate sale and buddy we're still living in the house. you lost me there, and i was willing to hear you out.

she says that all of the clones worked at abortion clinics to gain access to fetal tissue, so they could combine human and alien dna. which i imagine had to be a good pr boost for abortion clinics (heavy on the /s here)

and the killer is after them because their experiments with mixing alien with human dna were not sanctioned, so they're "diluting the race", which i guess seems like the thing they would be worried about.

he doesn't seem to fully buy it, because he says "that's a good story, but i've heard a lot of good stories lately" which is true!!! our old worstie ambrose chapel was a liar, remember? or at least someone impersonating him was doing some lying!

"i'm your sister, fox, you have to trust me" UM PROOF?? have we done a dna test??? you can't just show up like that!!!!!

skinner knocks at the door... but is it really him? or the shapeshifting hit man????

"why are the lights out?" skinner asks quite reasonably "orders from my ophthalmologist" he says, lying very easily for a man for loves the Truth. but it did make me giggle.

sister approves that it is really skinner! only after they set a trap to get him just in case it wasn't. again i ask why she can tell if it's the man or not but okay. we move past that.

he makes introductions: "this is my sister, samantha mulder" to which skinner replies "WHAT"

and yeah. i would react the same!!!!

(also weird to hear mulder used as a last name. to me that's just the guy. you know?)

NOOO his phone rings. it's scully calling from a payphone. "he says he's gonna kill me if you don't give him what he wants" oh. okay.

there's no time to explain to skinner what is going on so!!! just please trust me, he says!!! and he does. another point for skinner, who is like a strange uncle or cousin to me.

they go to do a hostage trade: "samantha" for scully. and is this the same bridge where they did the hostage deal for mulder at the end of s1? do they only have one bridge for hostage deals. might be a bit much to have 2 in one city.

skinner has a sniper in the bush, ready to shoot at the base of the alien hit man's neck during the exchange. okay save the day mister sniper please.

AUGH HOSTAGE EXCHANGE. it's so tense. i paused here to write how tense it was, which did not ease it in the slightest. the hit man has a gun to scully's head and it's recalling mulder's early trauma with hostage exchanges. they're waiting for the right moment to shoot....

scully's in the car!!!! but samantha tried to use the needle that kills the aliens and she MISSED and the sniper shot was messed up and then there's firing and is it the sniper? or is it the hit man? who is hit? it is very unclear!!!!! both hit man and samantha tumble into the cold water beneath.

he's still at the bridge, staring down into the place he last saw her. scully comes out to join him, and he says "you should be at the hospital" (she has gauze on her head and says she was just discharged)

he's staring into the water, trying to come up with different ways she might have lived

"why didn't you tell me on the phone that it was her?" "i couldn't tell you 'cause you'd never let me go through with it" AUGHHHHHHHHH.

(and knowing how the episode ends. i am glad this happened. but in the moment. this was a gut punch)

she asks how he knew it was really his sister (valid question, one i fear he should have asked as well) and he snaps about how could she ask that, and she's like, dude someone with your face and body just kidnapped me???? so the whole who is who thing is a little murky??

(she actually calmly explains this. without any judgement. judgement added was my own. but you can imagine that after this experience, hearing "he's an alien" might still be a bit of a hard sell)

okay, mr. mulder is on the scene. he has to tell his dad he lost his sister. I lost her, he says. emphasis on the I. as if it was an action that he took. fuck.

and his dad hits back with a "you LET this man take your sister?" and son mulder is CRYING. what the HELL this is too much. the man has suffered too much. i'm given flashbacks to the last time we saw him cry when he thought he lost scully forever.

PAUSE. i just know the actors were eating up these lines. ohhh i know they were sinking their teeth into them the way that good dialogue allows you to. when you tap into the soul of a character, a whole person who isn't even real, because the writing cuts to their heart. yeah yeah yeah i knowww they were rolling with it and it felt Good

back to the scene. his father is giving him a guilt trip about how his mother is going to deal with "losing her again". and he's apologizing and crying when his dad pulls out an envelope

"your sis- SAMANTHA" told me to give you this.

the implication that he lost the claim to be considered related to her????? is sooooo entirely messed up?? that is the kind of thing that ruins a person???? holy fuck??

he's sobbing while opening the letter, and it gives an address where she says they can meet up if they are separated... so maybe she's really still out there??? hope has been installed back into "she's not actually dead" camp

he rolls up to the address and parks in an area labeled "NO PARKING". grief will do this to a guy.

but just as he arrives, scully calls and says they found her in the river. NOOOOOO THE NEWLY RETURNED HOPE.... "whatever you're feeling, you can't blame yourself" she says, knowing that he must be putting his whole soul into Blaming Himself

but... her body is melting??? is it an alien body??? is the melting gonna turn into toxic gas?? scully don't stare at it you're gonna get all thick blood!!!!

back to mulder. this man is experiencing all stages of grief at once on the steps of a women's clinic. he goes in and pulls out a gun and boy i sure hope there are no women inside.

someone is in there. it's... someone with samantha's face??? saying that she knows "she's dead"????? "it was all a lie", he mumbles as he realizes he was played

YESSSS I KNEW IT. i knew that was NOT his sister. i knew it was too weird and coincidental to be true. this makes the grief of losing her dissipate entirely so i do consider this a win beyond me just being able to guess where the plot was going

and i'm thinking, how the hell is he gonna explain all this to scully? like, to mom and dad, you will have to play along with the whole "she died" thing, and while that is by no means easy, it is a concrete thing you can say and do. but scully??? how is she going to react to "someone pretended to be my sister and then got killed"

(i suppose mulder could tell his parents that DNA testing on "samantha's body" proved no relation, but that would still be complicated to walk through, because there was no corpse to prove that, you know, because she dissolved- maybe scully could make some paperwork to make it look real?)

back to the matter at hand: these aliens with the same face are saying that he must save their original source. and he says "i am not your savior" which- tea. set your boundaries king. in fact, had i been there, i would have done the opposite of protecting, and instead start blasting these aliens that pretended to be my long-dead sister.

but they have leverage... they know where she really is...... so he doesn't walk out....

hit man arrives!!!!! armed with his needle!!! and mulder goes to confront him, but he knocks him on his back, and sets a fire- mulder's weakness!!!!!!

scully is making a report. she cannot substantiate his claims of aliens. and she's got a cut on her forehead from hit man taking her. my poor queen :(

back to the fbi agent that died in the last episode. he has nasty cuts allllll over. like he was carved with designs. sorry for that imagery but i saw it and must describe it.

she thinks she can solve this case with the power of SCIENCE!!! what killed this guy, exactly? maybe if we can figure it out, the other pieces could fall into place

so the virus that causes the blood to thicken is inhibited by the cold.... which explains our earlier scene of mulder in the ice tub and her yelling about him needing to be cold...

DEEP THROAT 2.0 ARRIVAL? (sidenote does this dude have a real name? like while this was airing what were y'all calling him...)

he tells mulder that the last alien- the one who was sent to kill the clones, our shapeshifting hit man- has been tracked to alaska, and that you have to pick your battles to win the war. telling him not to go to alaska. can you imagine.

scully goes to his place and knocks but no one answers. and his newspapers on at the doorstep. so she busts out her keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey..... heart still melts that she has this.......

and HE KNEW SHE WAS GONNA INVESTIGATE???? he sent her an email..... and he's saying how he wouldn't let her risk her life... nooo don't you weaponize the earlier drawing a line thing, that was about chasing a very vague alien lead to an agent's death, not about investigating ur sister...........

she bursts into skinner's office. and then apologizes for doing so.

(i love this so much. such a tiny detail that tells us a lot about her character. that Need to be good and do the right thing and please those whom she looks up to. ohhhhh)

he asks to speak to her off the record, and it seems at first promising... but he won't help her get in contact with mulder. EVEN after she says please!!!! she is gonna cry!!!!!

skinner's bitching about mulder's actions being a violation of his oath, and she's saying that he saved her life, and he comes back with a "if he wanted or expected you to do the same, he would have told you where he was going"

skinner being a jerk... at this point i began to revoke the point i earlier gave him...

he looks deeply troubled though, and i was like, ohhh, mulder must have promised him to not tell her where he was going... i see into your plans, mulder (<- this is not what happened)

back at mulder's place. scully's searching for clues. there's an x taped to the window again, which must be something he just does sometimes. and there's ominous music.

she falls asleep on his couch, and i swear i actually felt my heart melting at this moment. the way she was curled up. subconsciously trying to hold onto a piece of him. only finding rest where he did. i can't even wax poetic about this because i can't put the words into the right shape. but it is gonna destroy me.

someone is knocking... but who?

DEEP THROAT 2.0?!?!

he tries to act like he just went to the wrong room, but she isn't buying it, following him and demanding to know where he really is

SKINNER IS HERE? GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR????? SKINNER ATTACKING D.T. 2.0??? the girls are fighting!!!!!!!

he makes deep throat 2.0 tell him where mulder is, even when skinner is pinned up and deep throat 2.0 is the one holding the gun, and he said "i've killed men for less", but skinner says that if you kill him, he'll be killing 2 men....... this gag seems to have worked

SKINNER is AT THE DOOR to mulder's place where scully is staying. and he is bleeding from MANY wounds. tells scully where he is without elaborating on the blood pouring from all over. okay skinner. you're real for that. you get that point i was tossing around back. and a bonus one, in fact.

so mulder's out on the ice, and usually him wearing a big jacket would spark joy in my heart. and i won't lie, it does a little. but there is also a LOT of tension going on, so it's very brief. feels wrong to rejoice in the simple pleasures of man in big funny coat when he just had to lose his sister and then learn it wasn't even her.

but he sees some sort of tower and he's going in!!! and a dead guy is spotted.

pause. at this point i am sitting here thinking, man, these episodes are good, definitely among the best i've seen so far. who let these men cook? can we get them back in the kitchen with more regularity?

someone is leading him deeper and deeper into the maze of this... station? sub? and i fear he is being led into a trap. but he finds a very very scared man and having a big man point a gun at him doesn't help with the fear, i'm sure. but is it really a sniveling coward... or the hit man???

and JUST as he almost had me fooled and wondering if mulder was gonna really shoot an innocent guy, BAM! hit man reveal.

mulder keeps asking where his sister is, even while being pummeled by this alien with super strength. and he says "she's alive. can you die now?"

mulder shoots at the alien and he misses the back of his neck, so his toxic blood is filling up the space, and things are not looking good at all. and the alien takes him out and drops him on the ice!!!!!

he's going to break the ice and let him freeze or hit him with the sub as it goes down, both very bad endings........

CUTSCENE TO WHERE WE BEGAN!!!!

scully is bursting in, telling this doctor that he has a virus that can only be slowed by keeping him cold, and he isn't buying it, but just as he tries to get her kicked out of the room, his heart stops, so she intervenes.

and she's calling all the shots- get 100 grams of this and that and a drip of this- and this doctor has had his shift hijacked by a better doctor. he implies that mulder might not make it, and she refuses to hear this out.

and she's.... gently stroking his hair... while this is going down........

and sitting by his bed while he's getting better...

(so are the counts for who has been in a coma now tied? justice is served)

and now she's doing the case conclusion:

"several aspects of this case remain unexplained, suggesting the possibility of paranormal phenomena" <- OHHH??? is this what makes scully a believer? are we gonna see some character changes?

"but i am convinced that to accept such conclusions is to abandon all hope of understanding the scientific events behind them" okay!!! we are getting a deeper look into her philosophy here. yes yes yes give me more. and more i was given:

"many of the things i have seen have challenged my faith and my belief in an ordered universe, but this uncertainty has only strengthened my need to know, to understand, to apply reason, to those things which seem to defy it"

and i love it. i love it so much. seeing how she understands the world, why she knows that there has to be an order to it all, and if it seems there isn't, it's just because she hasn't figured it out yet... and science did allow him to get better... the need to fight a good fight in the way she knows how... yeah... that's lovely...

and she's CRYING at his bedside and holding his arm when he finally opens his eyes. her smile. her gentle "hey". it's so innocent, seeing that he is okay, that he made it through the worst part of getting better.

"thanks for ditching me" aughhhhghhhhh.......

he says he didn't find what he was looking for, but he did find the faith to keep looking. ohhhhh. ohhhhhhh...

the way his faith was gone at the start of season 2, but now it's back, there's something worth fighting for, his sister is out there, there is a world worth figuring out..........

man.

at this point my friend was sending me texts and i was like queen i need a minute. i need a minute. to put these things in order. and honestly i STILL do!

it was an absolutely amazing duo of episodes. i truly loved the writing, seeing them pushed to the brink with each other and with themselves. seeing skinner come into fruition. seeing what motivates them both and how they see the world and how it is entirely different but still driven by hope and faith and a need to learn the truth. and the tenderness of it all. of her sleeping on his couch in his absence, thinking maybe he'll be home soon. of running her fingers through his hair while he was being revived. the fury of being blamed for the loss of his sister, the fury with which she screamed at deep throat 2.0 to tell him where he went off to, the fury of mulder realizing he had been lied to and that his sister had never come back at all. but there still being hope despite it all. because there are things worth searching for. and they can do it together.

man. it was a very good episode but your girl is gonna go watch a silly video because it definitely hit me right in the Feelings!!

[hubbaslubba]

IDK 73 yards leaving so much unexplained - i think it was a help rather than a hindrance. folklore ceases to be folklore if we know step by step the action and reaction of everything that happens

within the framework of a folklore type story what is much more interesting is following the actions and emotions of a character and what the mysterious unexplained element might be a metaphor or stand in for in the narrative rather than nitpicking about: was that an alien and does their species have the power of teleportation? but idk why the dr vanished?

does any of that matter to the story that was trying to be told?

[nefertitisfjordd]

"I found something I thought I'd lost...faith to keep looking."

(2.17--End Game)

[freckleslikestars]

Trust me, sweetheart, running away isn't gonna make things better for you. Workin' tables here, it may not feel right, but at least you got a roof over your head, and some friends who care about you. May not feel like your life right now. Just give it some time, okay?

Stargate SG-1 | 10.08 Memento Mori

[leaisterrified]

Also look at mulders fingers still being broken in this one!!

at first i thought it was just a neat bit of continuity between episodes in this show and i got excited because that doesn’t happen often. and then i remembered it’s the second to last one in the season and shit will probably get real soon. sad

[desirableendings]

The X-Files’ Pilot has everything. Alien abductions. Scary woods. The pinnacle of nineties fashion. Rainy sexual tension. David Duchovny looking like that. Family drama. A tragic backstory. Graveyard digging? And the most interesting choices for practical effects.

[ferdieinceladoncity]

A lot of the humour in 'improbable' wasn't it for me admittedly but it WAS still a very good episode if not just because the scully/monica friendship of it all made me grin like an idiot and the scene where monica and- and God?- were unenthusiasticly playing checkers and they're suddenly intercepted by the sound of Scully trying to fucking shoot out the lock was pretty funny. Also I like how reyes brings her WHOLE weirdgirl energy to the case like go girl I love how abnormal you are <3 and I know scully and Doggett do, deep down, love ur weirdgirl swag as well. I'm sure. Like we know that scully thinks monica is just like melissa but for sure she would be likening monica to mulder as well

[maykitz]

hm okay having finished the game i have no particular thoughts on how they resolved the murder mystery (besides rip bozo) but i find harry returning to the rcm very unsatisfying for both his personal narrative and because it's such a bootboy moment. on a personal level, his reward for pulling himself (more or less) out of rock bottom is returning to that same place and profession that destroyed his mind and body. which is especially unflattering given that the game itself introduces the alternative; it's littered with positive memories of his previous job as a teacher that resurface more strongly than the cop memories despite the fact he was one for only a couple of years with now 18 cop years inbetween. the reveal that all those flashbacks are gym teacher memories comes during the final endgame resolution which i feel would suggest more gravity but it goes nowhere, you cannot refuse the rcm. you rebuild nearly his entire personality from his amnesiac mental ruins but the idea of a career change is too far fetched somehow..

meanwhile from a neutral standpoint he is a routinely violent alcoholic cop who at least once beat a man into lifelong disability while drunk on duty and was shielded from consequences by his precint, not exactly an unrealistic scenario. why would anyone want him back there? especially because his precint canonically has a very high rate of officer committed killings meaning it's full of types like that, which kim whiteknights by claiming they're simply understaffed ("give us more funding to help stop us from murdering you"), and is a misogynistic and otherwise dogshit environment. there's a check that shows you your colleagues laughing about your partner robbing food from a homeless guy. and kim is no exception to this, as much as he represents the good guy cop trope. no matter how you play, if you build harry into a womanhating violent fascist who is so racist he refuses to work with kim, kim himself will still help you get back on the job because "you're a good cop" and bastards link up. alternatively if you let kim get shot cuno defends you, in which case the game assures you recruiting a 12 yo into the police is the best for getting him out of the violent drug-fueled environment he's in now, despite you being the (barely) walking proof of the opposite. its just kinda silly. ntm you also discover a recent rcm led church raid that ended in bloodshed, which jean only tells you was against "our enemies" and a perception check tells you he won't talk about near the *union* like 🤨 bro are we corrupt ?

ultimately every cop they show you is a bad person in one way or another and the return to precint 41 is a bad ending no matter how you look at it, which is fine, but the way the game tries to pretend it isnt feels stupid. inb4 "what'd you expect from a police game" true lol. the writing generally seemed much more self aware but on the copaganda front its not much better than like. csi miami

[daisychainsandbowties]

Paprika is the troublemaker, Bay Leaf is the matchmaker.

“I assure you, there was a noise at regular intervals.”

“Until I came in the room?” Ava asks.

“Correct. It did not stop when Camila investigated. She suggested a ghost in the machine,” Beatrice frowns. “Hello, Lilith. Have you… misplaced Paprika?”

“No, but Bay Leaf has gone on a walkabout; if you see them let me know?”

“Maybe Baby spice is the ghost in the machine,” Ava laughs, removing a cover panel to find a cephalopod that has clearly been tapping a pipe with one of Beatrice’s mechanical pencils. “Holy shit!”

“Language!”

lilith tuts at bay leaf the whole way back to the aquarium, ‘i can’t comprehend what makes you so certain that your interference is even necessary with those two’ & almost shrieks when cam materializes out from among a couple of empty tanks with paprika draped scarflike around her neck.

the two of them stand there. cam looking dashing with her artfully tousled curls and her little grin and paprika wearing his natural red and orange and burnt umber.

lilith, meanwhile, looks perplexed. dressed in her lab coat, which is perpetually stained with fish-guts. bay leaf has one arm stuck to her cheek and he’s trying to climb up out of her arms.

less than dashing, if you aren’t biased when it comes to marine biologists. and camila certainly is.

cam laughing and saying, ‘oh so i was right - it was a ghost in the machine.’

lilith: ‘i don’t-’

cam: ‘it’s a Greek theater thing. you know, deus ex machina.’

lilith: ‘oh… i didn’t know you liked Greek theater.’

cam: ‘uh, well, i like Medea as much as the next person but i know it mostly because of The Matrix. you’d like it, i think. says some pretty interesting things about gender, reality. the monsters are kind of chthonic.’

lilith: ‘right.’

lilith: ‘i have to go.’

cue paprika slapping one arm over cam’s face to save her the trouble of putting her head in her hands.

cam: ‘lilith wait!… we’re going in the same direction.’

but all she’s left with is the sweep of lilith’s white coat disappearing around the corner, the lingering smell of saltwater and gore.

(bay leaf grabbing very dramatically onto the wall when lilith turns the corner, forcing her to stop and gently pry his suckers off the plaster while blushing furiously)

camila sighs, looks at paprika, ‘c'mon buddy, let’s get you back home.’

‘your mom is really weird.’

[keereejou]

i am slowly approaching the episode i'm the most concerned about now!!!

Episode 14: The Gender Bender

it'll probably just be a case of "i don't understand this thing thus its terrifying!"

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 17 thoughts

this episode took a few days to work... and it built up the suspense! i tried to watch it on thursday- i was ready for my scullynmulder time- but it wouldn't play. and then i finally had time to try again yesterday, and it STILL wouldn't work.

(i had to go on reddit and learned that i needed to change a single number in a random string of code, because apparently a new firefox update just killed any ability to use hulu? the hoops i jump through for these two...)

but, i really enjoyed this episode! it had cute lil moments and then also some soul-crushing angst, which is the way i like it. so allow me to begin, and all of my note taking shall begin below!

YAYYYYY it’s scullynmulder time… my heart is so happy

so we open in a grocery store in virginia. it’s a nice looking grocery store. would browse there.

a guy is buying like a billion cans of stuff that has a muscle on it. and then a magazine with the freaky worm baby from s2 on it! haha a nice callback! again. shoutout to the props team <3

but then, the scene of tranquil grocery shopping was interrupted, as the guy with all the cans grabs the jacket of the guy in front of him- and it turns out the whole thing was a sting operation!!! guy who wanted his cans is referred to as “pusher”. the FBI has a TON of guys dealing with him. 5 cars full. wow! he must be very scary.

he’s in the back of the last car. and going on about this officer’s uniform color. 

he keeps saying cerulean over and over until somehow the guy driving the car stops seeing the big tractor trailer coming his way. and so when he drives straight ahead, he is immediately hit!!! is this some sort of hypnosis?

the intro was different again!! who do they think they are fooling by changing this?? not me!

mulder's office time. side note: it really is THEIR office as a collective. because we never see her at her desk. but anyway.

the police car’s driver died after hitting the tractor trailer that was magically invisible to him, but not before he unlocked the prisoner, pusher. pusher had confessed to contracted killings over two years that had been staged to look not like murders, if you catch my drift.

why would this otherwise great agent unlock this prisoner and also drive straight into a tractor trailer? a great question! one we can hopefully answer.

pusher had kept mumbling about cerulean until the driver ran into a truck for a business called cerulean. then he had written a clue at the scene of the crime! it says “nin or” which mulder flips backwards to read… ronin. ronin! i know that word!

mulder points out that this means a samurai without a master (nerd), and that this is the name of a… self defense magazine? so off to go read some magazines!

a young woman who we later learned is named holly brings them a big stack of the aforementioned magazines- maybe she's an archivist! maybe that should be my job!

she has a giant bruise on her face from getting mugged. mulder asks if they got whoever did this to her, and she says “do they ever? ….no offense” awww, holly, you're gonna make him sad. but seriously, poor girl, that is awful :(

she heads out, and scully is like, how did pusher do all of these killings? mulder says that he was probably utilizing the power of suggestion 

so they find an advertisement for someone “who solves problems” in all of the ronin magazines since 1994- which was when the murders started! a clue! with a phone number to go with it!

and in the ad were the letters OSU, which they thought meant ohio state but no! it’s a japanese word that means “to push”! gasp! it's definitely their guy!

(there was very conveniently a japanese to english dictionary on the shelf of the room where they were reading the magazines. i guess it's important to keep your language learning tools around in the FBI, but it was funny because all the other books looked like boring legal stuff)

they call the number, and it goes to a phone in virginia. mulder is in a car nearby and scully is there too, but she is sleeping. ON HIS SHOULDER!!!!

he lightly taps her face to wake her up and says “i think you drooled on me” and she quickly apologizes... NOOO DON’T BE MEAN TO HER!!! SHE’S SLEEPY 😭😭😭 awwwwww oh my HEART <3

(i need to scream real quick, because that was so precious. AHHHHHHHHHhhhhhHHHH)

((nah i'm never gonna move on from this actually. never never. the way he tapped her face.......... how she seemed so embarrassed.... the intimacy of falling asleep on someone's shoulder, how long he must have sat there trying not to make any sudden movements while still keeping his attention on the case........... i need to collect myself))

but then the phone rings back!!! they sprint sprint sprint and they pick it up… to someone asking if they are just going to sit there all night!!!! the pusher!!!

oh he’s creepy… he comments on how mulder “and his pretty partner seem awfully close”. now, is he invested in whatever the hell it is they have going on like i am (which is valid), or is he just a creep (less valid)? 

pusher seems to be a freak at least in some regards, saying that "they have to follow his breadcrumbs", and that the next one is right in front of mulder, who he keeps calling “g man”. he also says to let his fingers do the walking, which makes slim to no sense to me. 

but they figure that it means to call the last number on the pay phone, and it reaches a golf course! they hold the phone up so they both can hear the message and it’s so CUTE AWWW

mulder calls her “g-woman” as they leave <- STOP I’M GONNA SCREAM!!!

off to the golf course. where pusher is golfing with a very beat up face from the accident. he spots snipers hiding in the grass, mumbles that it is “about time”, and tries to get out. 

they have him cornered!!! but when he tells the dude with the gun on him to relax, he really does. and when pusher tells him to show him his face, he does. he knows the guy by name?!?

pusher tells this collins fellow to pour a ton of gasoline, which he does while crying. collins screams at the agents to stop him as he flicks on a lighter, but scully is fast and grabs a fire extinguisher, and mulder uses his jacket to induce a sort of stop drop and roll maneuver. huh, they really do work so well together!

a car horn is blaring, so mulder goes to see what is going on and it’s… a dude with his head on the horn. he says “bet you five bucks i get off”… it’s pusher! he was mumbling as if he was remotely controlling the dude who lit the flame... okay, weird.

mulder at da court. he is fidgeting as they question him about this pusher fellow and his 14 murders. mulder explains that he thinks pusher can talk his way into his victims hurting themselves, which is by far not the most outlandish thing we’ve heard on this television program, but the people in the court act like this is akin to spotting a unicorn, and scoff at mulder for proposing such a bizarre idea.

(usually i agree that mulder's ideas are bizarre, but this one seems entirely possible to me, with or without mind control. people can be talked into doing all sorts of things. mulder i am on your side and would not laugh at you like these fakes)

AND pusher had called and confessed to 14 murders, but his defense tries to write it off as a drunk prank call. while this is the most absurd thing we (both the viewer and the characters in court) have ever heard, and surely no one would ever believe it, pusher uses his mind power skills to get into the judge’s brain and make him be declared innocent.

pusher walks up to mulder and says he owes him five dollars. this dude majorly sucks.

cutscene to mulder practicing his aim. it’s pretty good!! he must be really unsettled by this whole situation to work on his marksmanship.

scully comes in (with the ear protection things on so mulder's firing doesn't blast her ears <3 queen of precautions) with more information on this pusher fellow. mulder starts reciting all the things he can guess about the pusher’s life, from his college to his military service to which branch and i'm thinking man, did he study up on this? is he that unsettled by this case? but ohhh yeah, mulder does profiling, seemingly very successfully.

but he didn’t know that the pusher applied to the FBI!!! and had flopped at the psych evaluation, where he had been ego-centric and lied and claimed to be trained by ninjas. mulder seems to think this could be true, but i don’t know if he knows the ninja lore and that they were not as historically common as media would make you think 💔

luckily, scully doesn't break this terrible news to him. man, this reminds me i need to get a good translation of the kojiki and the nihon shoki

(at this point i did a bit of a wikipedia rabbit hole into japanese medieval literature before remembering the plot at hand. focus!)

mulder says that they should have had enough evidence to at least get him in custody, and that the pusher “put the whammy” on the judge. to which scully deadpans “please explain to me the scientific nature of the whammy” <- HDHEJSNWJSKDMND i love her sooooo terribly. 

mulder is still thinking this guy was a ninja, but scully points out that if he could control people’s minds, why wouldn’t he be an FBI agent like he wanted? a very good point! well, maybe it’s a new skill, mulder posits.

he seems very frustrated that scully isn’t buying his mind control theory, but she makes it very clear she believes he is guilty of murder!!! they just need to figure out what went down. queen of communicating her logic. she won’t communicate her feelings though, but that's okay we can work on that in the future.

pusher at da FBI. writes himself a note that says “pass” and sticks it in his lapel, goes in and asks for computer records. the guard immediately gives it to him. and he waltzes in! 

no!! the poor girl with the bruised face from before, holly!!! he starts talking to her, and she gives him the keyboard to her super secret FBI computer. he asks for printouts and says he wants to hurt whoever did that to her face. hmm. well, maybe a little revenge on her behalf wouldn’t hurt...

but skinner is here! he heard an unfamiliar voice and walks in, asking if he can help this strange fellow. skinner realizes that he is up to no good, and grabs him, but the pusher convinces holly that skinner is the guy who mugged her!!! so she busts out her mace the minute that skinner manages to call for security and starts KICKING HIM??

things escalated very quickly there.

holly is in his office, apologizing profusely to skinner and whole bunch of other people for kicking the hell out of his face. scully is there too. okayyyyy, she’s moving up in the world, helping out when skinner gets attacked!!!! she is very calm about the whole thing though, which makes her a great choice, so she deserves it.

holly says that it was like the pusher was in her head, and she was watching herself do the things she did. creepy...

she’s crying, and skinner doesn’t honestly seem too mad about the whole thing. i would be very mad if one of my employees let a random guy have access to secret files and then pepper sprayed and kicked me, but clearly he understands something was afoot.

OH! scully agrees that it is the pusher’s persuasive powers that made holly attack him, even if she can’t explain why it is he can do that! wow! the evidence is undeniable, even if it is inexplicable!

the pusher left with mulder’s file… so now he knows where he lives. so they should have a sleepover at her place!!! and watch movies!!! <3 before they catch him ofc, because now that he was trespassing, they have him on hook for a crime

(sadly, i must report that no sleepover took place. but it would be nice to imagine that it did)

they go to the pusher's apartment to try and find him, and scully announces before she turns the lights on. okayyyy! giving everyone a warning.

something about her with a trench coat and a gun in investigation mode makes my stomach do flips. we don't have to unpack that right now. i just was very aware that it happened.

he left a movie on the tv, that scully immediately identified as svengali. hold on let me google something. okay, that is a book/movie about guy that uses mind control. fitting. a clue, perhaps…

and is she watching horror films on the regular to be able to identify the film after seeing like three frames….? love that for her <3

(wait, she did say before that the exorcist was one of her favorite movies! so this further proves that she is going to be seated for a spooky film <3)

mulder opens his fridge to find a million and a half of those protein cans from before. you think those are giving him psychic powers? hmm…

oh!!! scully found something in his cabinet: epilepsy medication!!! a clue, perhaps? i’m just gonna keep saying that about anything they find. so that means they know more about him, and that he will need medication, which could be a way to try and find him, because he’ll need to get more at some point probably… AND HE STARTED TAKING THE PILLS AT THE SAME TIME THE MURDERS STARTED!

mulder asks what can cause epilepsy late in life. her answers: head injury, neurological disease, a tumor…

mulder perks up because he thinks a tumor might give you psychic powers. which would be a bright side to an otherwise very dismal situation, i’m sure. 

she says that if he had a brain tumor, he would not be well enough to do all of these shenanigans- a very valid point. mulder responds with: maybe he isn’t well at all!! he was too tired to escape at the driving range, after all, and he had confessed to murders he had gotten away with… maybe he wants to go out in a blaze of glory!

huh. bold theory.

phone rings as this theory is proposed. and the pusher is in fact on the phone. he asks for mulder and scully, who are sitting next to each other on a bed with their heads close, listening in. it’s endearing. 

anyway, the pusher is going on and on with the dude on the phone named frank, saying he looks super unhealthy, and i get that they are trying to trace the call, but they also should know by now to not listen to a damn thing he says because of the mind control. but again, he could be offering a clue, so someone has to listen. agh! such a conundrum.

mulder says to hang up the phone, right as the pusher talks frank into having some sort of medical condition where his blood thickens (gag. gag gag gag bleurghhhh). mulder and scully are trying to get him to hang up the phone but he won’t, he keeps listening so they can get a trace on the call!! and then frank is dead.

scully’s trying to save his life, but mulder picks up the phone. the pusher says that he wants a real adversary, and he’s read up on mulder, who he deems worthy. okay just ignore scully at your own peril i guess...

scully realizes she can’t save frank :( and mulder is mad because he killed this dude for nothing!! but he says no no, all these people die by themselves. 

they trace him to near a hospital, where he must be getting regular treatment for his condition. they find his car outside. and he’s scheduled for an MRI.

mulder says he should go in by himself, so that no one else gets hurt. a bold choice...

he gets all suited up with a camera and some fancy equipment to go in, then he gives scully his gun, so he won’t shoot anyone even if the pusher uses his mind games on him. and then they hold hands for a second. and look into each other’s eyes. and i will sob like a baby. 

mulder is going into the hospital. scully is watching all of this from his fancy camera. the og live stream. 

we hear two shots fired; the pusher made the guard shoot the technician and then himself. scully sees the monitor and asks mulder to get closer. and he does indeed have a tumor…. and is dying, so he has nothing to lose. which makes him even scarier!

scully is begging him to get out of there. but he turns and scully sees from the camera the pusher holding him at gun point!!! she yells “god!” and then runs into action. oh you know it’s serious when the catholic is yelling the name of the lord as an exclamation….

scully putting on a bullet proof vest to go in there and save him😳oh wow… i am learning so much about myself

she goes in, tells the SWAT team to wait for a signal. everything is very very very tense as she makes her way into the hospital. so slowly. she finally comes to the right door, and pushes it open.

mulder is seated with the pusher in the room of a patient, while the two stare at each other. they’re both very sweaty, and pusher has a gun in his hand. the pusher is going on about martial arts and a fight to the death and stuff. he gives mulder the gun and says to pull the trigger, one pull with a one in six chance to kill him.

scully is suspicious because they are, again, in a hospital, which has pure oxygen, and who knows what could happen if he pulls the trigger? but despite her very logical warning, he does pull the trigger, right away, and nothing happens. 

but the pusher talks mulder into putting the gun against his own head. she is begging him not to do it, to listen to her, to get out of there together, and everything will be okay.

and despite scully’s best efforts, he DOES pull the trigger. no bullet this time, but she is FREAKING OUT that he did that. she yells, and that yell will probably haunt me forever, how furious and terrified she sounded to watch him do such a horrific thing.

and then he turns the gun on HER, she’s crying, telling him to fight this. terrified she's about to die at his hands.

(oh my gosh, i really hope he’s faking the mind control working on him, so he can turn the gun on the pusher at the last minute)

the pusher mentions that SHE SHOT HIM, he read it in his files, “PAYBACK TIME, SHOOT THE LITTLE SPY” <- OMFG???? this escalated SOSOSOSOSO fast????

he tells scully to RUN while he still has the gun pointed at her, but then once she gets out and pulls the fire alarm, mulder shoots him!!!!! he keeps clicking the gun over and over at him despite it being empty. and he looks so tired, handing the gun over to scully, holding his head in his hands. 

man, he must have been horrified, to have someone in his mind, making him try to hurt himself and hurt scully, watching her scream at him after he put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger, watching her cry as the gun was pointed at her, fighting for access to his own mind... and after he had left his gun with her, just to make sure he wouldn't hurt anyone, he found himself in this situation...... how he kept firing even after the single bullet had been shot, just to ensure that no one else would be hurt..... woah. there is a lot to unpack here about the lack of agency and losing loved ones and mulder's deepest fears.... i will be gnawing on this in my head for a while...

so, the pusher is on a ventilation system, and mulder is watching. scully enters and says he will never regain consciousness. apparently, he had been refusing treatment, refused to have the tumor removed even though it was possible. mulder says that it’s like she had proposed, he was a little man, and this finally made him feel big.

they linger long enough for me to wonder if they’re actually going to kiss, right in front of this comatose murderer, but she does something just as intimate: grabs his hand and says to not let this dude take up another minute of their time. we end with mulder taking one last look and leaving the room.

oh, this episode was GOOD. REALLY GOOD. the suspense was killer, the mind games were trippy, and these two. these two.

scully falling asleep on his shoulder? the fluff of an indulgent fanfic writer. but it REALLY HAPPENED. them holding their heads close multiple times to listen to the phone... the hand grab at the end. listening and trusting each other's wild theories.

this episode showed how well they work as a team, and it made me so happy. it felt in very sharp contrast to a few episodes before where they were not working together at all. and i get that was cosmic opposite day, but still, this episode and their dynamic felt so right.

and then at the end, the level of angst was unexpected. and honestly, they go through a LOT on this show, but scully seeing him held at gunpoint and then watching him pull the trigger on his own head made me lose my MIND. how she begged him to stop, pleaded and yelled, how she cried as he pointed the gun on her, him using every ounce of energy he had to try and resist mind control to keep her safe. and the minute she is away, he unloads the gun into the pusher, again and again and again despite knowing it was empty, just to be sure no other bullets could hurt anyone else. how exhausted he was when he sat down at the end, his head in his hands; how he watched him in his comatose state until scully told him they should leave.

(insert prolonged muffled screaming as a way to comprehend the feelings i am experiencing)

and a massive shoutout to skinner for showing up for 5 minutes, realizing there was a problem, addressing the problem, and not being too mad when the girl in the computer department beat his ass because he was sympathetic to her mind control quandary. really a solid fellow. skinner, you and i have had our disagreements in the past, but i have come to see you as a friend. now, do i trust him fully? no. but can he come to a birthday party? yeah <3

wow. just wow. a really great episode. definitely making it onto the best episodes list! i'm trying to make a mental list of all the ones that stick out as the most enjoyable, especially the ones that are single episodes rather than the larger two or three part ones, and this is a contender surely.

"please explain to me the scientific nature of the whammy"... how could you not love her?