#the first ever 'i want a wife' of my homosexual career

[paginacentosessantuno]

Judith Chemla as Héléne in Le sens de la fête (2017) dir. Olivier Nakache e Éric Toledano

[thestrangestthlng]

Public Figures Owe You Nothing

Same thing, different fandom. Now, my first soiree into internet fandom was Glee nearly fifteen years ago. Given insane popularity of the show and one of their two main couples, Klaine, and Darren Criss being a straight man, I am no stranger to the "only gay (out) queer actors should play queer roles" argument.

I don't necessarily disagree completely. Queer actors should be highlighted in queer roles. But guess what, the film industry is shit.

Not everyone is out, can afford to be out, is ready to come out publicly, or cares to have anyone in their business. There is a huge number of fans who are way too invested in the parasocial relationships with their "favs" and cross lines.

It's a tale as old as time. Darren Criss' now wife, Mia (Swier), was mercilessly harassed online and honestly in person. I distinctly remember people MAILING her things. There was an incredible amount of hate directed towards her because SHE wasn't a HE and a group of fans were hellbent that he and Chris Colfer were secretly in a relationship, even though both were happily in their own relationships. (Both of them are actually still IN those relationships and I love that for them.)

Someone gave Dannell Ackles (wife of Jensen Ackles) a gift at an event. When she reached it she was cut by a bunch of rusty hooks in a fucking voodoo doll.

One of the NSYNC members (I can't remember if it were Chris or Joey) ended up being broken up with by their partner at the time because of the amount of hate they were getting.

This came up because someone said on instagram that they "will not be watching [RWRB]" because [Taylor and Nicholas] "are not out" and "they are gay for pay". So, me being me, says to them that the actors owe you nothing. Their sexuality/gender identity is no one's concern but their own.

Also, it was really disgusting what alot of Heartstopper did to Kit. He's just a baby and they strong armed him to coming out before he was ready and made him feel like he had to justify it. Cruel irony being that it's the exact opposite of the point of the books, and exact opposite of his character. I'll never forgive them for what they did to my son.

I went on to tell them that Hollywood is shit. It's homophobic, racist, sexist, xenophobic, transphobic, everything phobic. They like beautiful and handsome, classically beautiful, white, straight actors that fit into their perfect mold. As soon as actors come out they get type cast, lose rolls (because how could a homosexual portray intimacy with a woman? It's not like they are actors or anything). I, of course, got blocked because they didn't agree with me and that's fine.

Did you know that many actors in the union don't even make the $26,000 a year that is required to qualify for health insurance? Most actors are working class. Yes, many acquire a net worth, but it's honestly one huge disaster from losing what they have. The median salary for actors in the US is about 60K a year. So why would a working class actor or even a upper middle class actor, want to potentially dismantle their career trajectory by telling something that is really no one's concern anyway?

Not everyone wants to be stuck in a Ryan Murphy rotation. Maybe once we get more queer film and show makers and Hollywood execs start to fuck off we'll get more. I'm 99% sure that RWRB is the ONLY gay romcom without underlying trauma porn. The only other one that comes close is a Christmas movie.

Actors are still human and deserve privacy. They owe fans nothing. Their partners deserve privacy. If they are queer good for them. If they are not, good for them. But fans don't get to dictate who comes out and when. So yes, we want more queer actors in queer roles, but we don't get to decide if the ones who are not open get to have these roles. Sometimes it is who is best for the role.

As far as RWRB: Neither Taylor nor Nicholas have ever made any public statements on their sexuality and are both private people when it comes to their relationships. It's really goofy that people think it's an appropriate question to ASK them personally. Interview or not.

All that matters to me is that they killed that online and the characters they acted were madly in love with each other.

Moral of the story: they can want someone and love some one and not want that life for them. Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka were together for three years before they came out and that's when NPH came out - at 34 on his terms, as it should be. Some people really missed the message of the book; that queer people deserve to come out when and how THEY want to.

/Ted Talk

[homomenhommes]

THIS DAY IN GAY HISTORY

based on: The White Crane Institute's 'Gay Wisdom', Gay Birthdays, Gay For Today, Famous GLBT, glbt-Gay Encylopedia, Today in Gay History, Wikipedia, and more … April 3

1895 – The libel trial instigated by Oscar Wilde begins, eventually resulting in his imprisonment on charges of homosexuality.

1924 – Marlon Brando, American actor born. (d.2004); Academy Award-winning American actor whose body of work spanned over half a century. Widely regarded as one of the most influential actors of modern time, Brando is best known for his roles as Stanley Kowalski in A Streetcar Named Desire and Terry Malloy in On The Waterfront, both directed by Elia Kazan in the early 1950s, but mostly for his Academy-Award winning performance as Vito Corleone in The Godfather. He also portrayed Colonel Walter Kurtz in Apocalypse Now, the latter two directed by Francis Ford Coppola in the 1970s. Brando was also an activist, lending his presence to many issues, including the American Civil Rights and the American Indian Movement. He was named the fourth Greatest Male Star of All Time by the American Film Institute.

Brando's sexuality has been a matter of debate. Not only did he have numerous affairs with women (such as actress Rita Moreno, who reportedly attempted suicide after they broke up), but he is also alleged to have enjoyed sex with men. In his 1976 biography The Only Contender by Gary Carey, Brando was quoted as saying, Homosexuality is so much in fashion it no longer makes news. Like a large number of men, I, too, have had homosexual experiences and I am not ashamed. I have never paid much attention to what people think about me.

He would appear to have had many such experiences and his name has been linked with many including Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, Farley Granger, Montgomery Clift, John Gielgud and James Dean.

Brando and Wally Cox

He also appears to have had a long-term relationship with fellow actor Wally Cox, who was also his best friend since their childhood days. Brando is quoted as saying: "If Wally had been a woman, I would have married him and we would have lived happily ever after."

After Cox died in 1973, Brando kept his ashes for 30 years; they were eventually scattered with his own. Cox's third wife only discovered he possessed them after reading an interview in TIME Magazine where Brando was quoted as saying: "I have Wally's ashes in my house. I talk to him all the time." She wanted to sue, but her lawyers would not accept the case.

Another alleged lover was the French actor Christian Marquand, after whom Brando named his son.

During the filming of Streetcar (1951), in the garden of Vivien Leigh's's mansion, David Niven discovered Brando and Laurence Olivier swimming in the pool. Olivier was kissing Brando. "I turned my back to them and went back inside to join Vivien. I'm sure she knew what was going on, but she made no mention of it. Nor did I. One must be sophisticated about such matters in life."

In a recent biography Brando Unzipped, Darwin Porter, (2006) details the alleged affairs with Grant, Hudson, and Granger. The book also features an alleged picture of Brando performing fellatio on a male lover. The validity of the photograph has yet to be substantiated.

James Dean And William Bast

1931 – William Bast was an American screenwriter and author living in Los Angeles. In addition to writing scripts for motion pictures and television, he is the author of two biographies of the screen actor James Dean.

Bast was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. When his family moved to Los Angeles, enrolled at UCLA, where he majored in Theater Arts, rooming with a fellow Theater Arts student from Indiana named James Dean. In 1952 he moved to New York to join Dean and pursue a career in radio and television. There, he initially worked in the Press Relations department at CBS and subsequently, in 1953, wrote his first scripts for the NBC television sitcom The Aldrich Family.

After the death of Dean in an automobile accident in 1955, Bast chronicled his five year relationship with the actor in James Dean: a Biography. After moving to London, Bast wrote The Myth Makers for Granada Television, a fictionalized drama inspired by Dean's funeral, which Bast perceived as grotesque and publicity-driven, with a shattering effect on Dean's rural-American family and his hometown of Fairmount, Indiana. In the United States, the script was produced again by NBC's Dupont Show of the Month and aired under the title The Movie Star.

In 1975, Bast produced and scripted James Dean: Portrait of a Friend for NBC, a movie for television based upon his first James Dean biography.

In 2006, Barricade Books (USA) published Surviving James Dean, a second, more candid book by Bast about his relationship with Dean; which featured material that Bast did not include in his earlier account due to personal trepidations and social mores of the 1950s. In Surviving James Dean Bast describes Dean in a compassionate light; how they met at UCLA, shared an apartment in Santa Monica, dated the same woman, and also had a sexual relationship. He also describes the events that happened to him after Dean's death, largely as a result of having written his first book.

In the late 1950s, Bast adapted Jean Giraudoux's play Tiger at the Gates for Granada Television, and wrote scripts for the BBC and Independent Television, including episodes of the classic series The Prisoner. Back in the States he wrote episodes for Combat!, Perry Mason, Ben Casey, The Outer Limits, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Honey West, and Dr. Kildare, among other series.

He died on May 4, 2015 at the age of 84; he had Alzheimer's disease.He was partnered in work and life to Paul Huson, actor and author.

1942 – Tony DeBlase (d.2000), one of the great innovators and leaders of the leather community and creator of the Leather Pride Flag was born. Throughout his life Tony DeBlase contributed to the leather community in a variety of ways.

He used the two aliases of Fledermaus and Richard W. Krousher for his fictional work which focused on leather and S and M. Of his many awards "the one DeBlase said he treasured most was the coveted Caligula Award from Chicago Hellfire Club for service to Inferno". DeBlase joined the Chicago Hellfire Club shortly after its inception. "What's more, DeBlase was a major factor in the development of Inferno and in exporting the lessons learned and formulas tested there to other, less experienced SM clubs".

In 1969 DeBlase, a gay man, got married and moved to Chicago. He describes the situation, "I got married in [19]69. The woman had been my secretary while I was museum directory. She had polio as a child and was confined to a wheel chair. Told her I was gay. I loved her very much. We had several good years together"In 1982 he published a collection under his alias Fledermaus which have become “imitated classics of the genre”. He chose the name because of his work outside of leather and S&M. "Its a German word for bat. … Since I was doing my dissertation on bats, and the story was set in a German castle, it seemed like an appropriate name"

By 1986 DeBlase had divorced and he and his male partner moved to San Francisco and bought the Drummer family of magazines.

In 1989 in Chicago he presented a 'proposed' idea for a pride flag for the leather community, which was widely adopted. He presented the flag at International Mr. Leather. The flag was originally created by DeBlase because wanted a symbol for the community.

He died peacefully in Portland, Oregon, on July 21, 2000, after an extended illness, largely involving liver failure. He was survived by his lover of more than 24 years, Dr. Andrew Charles.

1955 – The American Civil Liberties Union announces it will defend Allen Ginsberg's book Howl against obscenity charges.

1959 – David Hyde Pierce is an American actor, best known for his role as psychiatrist Dr Niles Crane on the sitcom Frasier.

Pierce was born in Saratoga Springs, New York. He moved to New York City, where he worked several menial jobs (including selling ties at Bloomingdales and working as a security guard) while acting in the theatre during the late 1980s and early 1990s.

Pierce's first big television break came in the early 1990s in a sitcom that was cancelled after a brief run despite promising reviews. His career would soon, however, take off with a role on another sitcom. Because of his resemblance to Kelsey Grammer, the role of Niles Crane on the Cheers spin-off Frasier was created for him.

Pierce also acts in movies from time to time. He appeared alongside Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle, with Jodie Foster in Little Man Tate and alongside Ewan McGregor in Down With Love. Pierce has a distinctive voice and, like his Frasier co-star Kelsey Grammer, is often called upon to provide voice work.

In 2005, he joined Tim Curry and others in the stage production of Spamalot. In August/September 2006, he starred in Curtains, winning him a 2007 Tony Award for Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical.

Pierce's father and grandfather suffered from Alzheimer's Disease, resulting in him being very active in fighting for research into the disease. He is also a regular supporter of AIDS charities as well as gay and lesbian causes.

After years of media speculation about his sexuality, Pierce came out in 2007. Pierce's longtime life partner is TV writer/director/producer Brian Hargrove. He and Hargrove were married in California on October 24, 2008, just before Proposition 8 was adopted as law, banning same-sex marriages in the state. They live in New York and Los Angeles.

1963 – Colorado repeals its ban on voting by anyone convicted of sodomy.

[nesiacha]

The problem of one rule for the lower class and another for the powerful.

This is one of my many frustrated messages. When Napoleon enacted oppressive laws against women, punishing them with prison for adultery while imposing fines on husbands (a significant discrepancy), he himself engaged in multiple extramarital affairs without ever paying a fine. Not to mention that certain women in his circle, like Pauline Bonaparte or Hortense de Beauharnais, had extramarital affairs without fearing judgment, while other women ended up in prison, sometimes for months. This isn't to indulge in sexist insults against women accused of adultery, but to highlight that the rules for the powerful don't apply to others. And once again, there's the puritanical hypocrisy regarding illegitimate children who were excluded from the civil code. Illegitimate children might hope for financial support from their fathers if they were so inclined, but otherwise... Another example of Napoleon's hypocrisy is his support for his illegitimate children (albeit with minimal involvement, particularly from his son Léon), while neglecting other illegitimate children and their mothers who truly needed it. Yet, it's always said that those who promulgate laws should lead by example (as Tsar Peter I stated and generally adhered to despite any criticisms he received).

In this atmosphere of false puritanism, there was the law for forbid abortion, among other things, leading to injustices because women with money or connections could access abortions in other countries or from gynecologists, while other women, lacking means, had to risk their lives. During the Bobigny affair (which highlighted all the problems with this law), the great Gisele Halimi noted that throughout her career, she had never had to defend a woman accused who happened to be the wife of a deputy for example. The slogan during this trial was "England for the rich, prison for the poor."

One might think that nowadays everything is settled... There's so much to be said about those who want to restrict abortion rights, those who advocate for horrible laws against trans or homosexual individuals.

Let me provide a recent example, not of a law but of a habit, of the false puritanism and resulting hypocrisy. A few years ago, a singer under the pseudonym "The Vivi" appeared on The Voice. It later emerged that when he was 16, he had posted tweets that were shocking, admittedly very sexist and even racist, exchanged with his friends when he wasn't yet famous and apparently they were just bad jokes between his friends and he . It had been so long since he wrote those tweets that he had forgotten about them and apologized. I won't judge him; I believe we've all made more or less inappropriate remarks in our youth, make very bad jokes, though others argue that age is no excuse for such statements. The problem is that afterward, he was kicked off the show, and his other songs were censored from the program. Yet, at the same time, some of those who criticized him used the defense of separating the man from the artist for Polanski, arguing that his films should be shown despite his actions. However, Polanski has done far worse (if there's even a scale for horror for what Polanski did), has been subject to arrest warrants, fled justice, and can continue his cinematic works. But he's rich and powerful compared to The Vivi, who paradoxically suffered much more than Polanski.

When will this hypocrisy stop? If people like The Vivi must face the consequences of their actions, then people like Polanski should be first in line. When will there be a justice system and actions that are truly equal for everyone, whether they're the wealthiest or the most impoverished in society? I doubt it and don't see where it could even begin.When hypocritical and useless laws are swept away and are more protective of people who need it, there has been progress but not enough in my opinion?

[colourfulgreyscales]

Okay, here I am with one of my honest reflections. I have seen entries of people saying they are not interested in the private life of a celebrity they follow or in gossip. I want to put my $0.02 I am not against the gossip in an on itself. Heck, I engage in it from time to time myself, even if I rather not do it with my own blog. My problem is with things surrounding this gossip such as stalking, constantly forcing a celeb suspected not straight to label their sexuality like they owe us that, the yelling and judging and gatekeeping if you don't believe a certain brand of gossip (even if only because you need more convincing evidence). And of course, there are those who would say "you just don't want to know XYZ's private life, because you are a homophobe who doesn't want to know they are queer." (Even if I am queer myself and all for representation). Let me challenge that. First off, there are some straight people who are also so private about their personal life we only get glimpses of it. Freddie Highmore comes to mind. He was not yelling of the rooftops about his wife when he was dating her, and there was enough evidence that she was his girlfriend until they got married. And we only know they got married because he revealed it on Jimmy Kimmel. Secondly, My decision not to engage obsessively in the private lives of my favourites came from straight favourites. Possible additional layer of homophobia for some fans aside, my straight favourites got flack for dating/getting married "to the wrong woman," and the fandom has been reduced and in some cases they have been dragged ever since. Thirdly... "If you don't think XYZ is gay you are homophobic. Possible bisexuality (an orientation that includes homosexual attractions ) is also homophobic. <i>I am bisexual and I approve of this message/you are a bad.not a real queer TM.<i> (Emphasis, mine) Again, no! I understand Hollywood and Bollywood can still be a homophobic/queerphobic place and many a leading men could lose opportunities and a career they have worked so hard for because of that. Even if a male actor comes out as bisexual, that gets erased and they get treated as gay. For a female celeb, it's about the male gaze and they get accepted as bi or pan, but it is because of fetishization. There are other instances. It's just like sexuality feels the most prominent, with all the talk about queerbaiting accusations (EG Kit Connor), all the deep fakes, all the stalking, all of the lengths people go because they want the representation of their favourite right now, instead of realizing that they are human, and you need to let them live their lives and let them come out/label their sexuality if and when they are ready to do so, not on your timing Again, these are my reasons to keep a gossip-free environment in my blog and why I feel selective in the fandoms for blogs or people I interact with.

[chrisshepherdfilms]

Carl Davis 

1936-2023

I am very sad to hear of the passing of Carl Davis. He was not only one of the greatest composes ever but also a friend of mine. Carl had worked in film and TV since the 70s composing classics such as the French Lieutenant's Woman, Scandal and the Naked Civil Servant.  Perhaps his most iconic piece of music has to be the theme from The World At War. But I feel that his masterpiece has to be his five hour score for Able Gance’s 1927 Napoleon He did everything in his time, compose TV scores, ballets.  

I first met Carl via his wife Jean Boht who I cast to play Auntie Glad in my 2010 film Bad Night for The Blues. From the moment that I met them I was embraced by Jean and Carl. The two of them are very special people. I've always been crazy for film soundtracks. Growing up in Liverpool I would always be buying second-hand soundtracks and being obsessed buy them. Carl’s works had big impact on me. For example, The Naked Civil Servants. Which in my mind is the best that TV has offered. It not only changed attitudes but was a beautiful piece of work. Carl’s scores draw out deep emotions. Sadness, nostalgia, love, joy. Carl had the magic touch that communicated emotions to the audience. He worked a lot with Jack Gold. Another of their films was the Bofors Guns - which I was all completely obsessed by as a teenager. And now it's quite an obscure film. The World War was the other piece of TV that blew my mind. Its title sequence still affects me now. With its power, surging music, and amazing graphics. It always gives a shiver down my spine. I remember Carl telling me it took ten years to research The World At War and it really shows on screen. Last time I saw him he said his favourite episode of The World At The War was episode 26: Remember. His music here is beautiful, haunting, playing the shows with different national motifs as soldiers reflect on what war was. It’s really moving. TV can’t get near a series like The World At War now.  But Carl’s credits were massive, Private Schultz, Oppenheimer, the French Lieutenant's Woman, Scandal, Champions, he had an incredible career.

After I directed Bad Night for the Blues, I put together an idea called Brexicuted. The short film for Arte France was a mockumentary laughing at the notion of the UK leaving Europe. The film itself was slapstick comedy. But Carl wanted to do the compose the soundtrack which he did with a five-piece ensemble. I was in awe of Carl sitting at his table handwriting the score for my film. Then to record was a magical experience. I was lucky enough to also go to the recording of Napoleon and see Carl in action. It was a privilege to see the maestro in action. 

Jean and Carl also used to invite me along to the silent screenings in the Royal Festival Hall where call would conduct a full orchestra. The films we saw were amazing, Chaplin’s Gold Rush, The Phantom of the Opera and of course Napoleon. It was a real privilege to see him in action. When I was a teenager, I would never have imagined meeting a composer like Carl. I was totally obsessed by TV but what I saw on the screen was a different world. But this was the magic of Carl he was so open and as a person so much so fun.

I will miss Carl and our conversations. But above all, why Carl was special for me was that he didn't judge me on where I came from. He was a legend but totally down to Earth. He was completely open and had so much energy.  He was always ready for the next idea. Myself and Carl had planned to do a screening and Q&A at the Garden Cinema in October about his Charlie Chaplin Mutual Films scores. He never stopped. I will miss him. My love goes to Jean, Jessie, Hannah, James and all the family. Carl has left an incredible legacy. The song may have stopped the melody rolls on. 

[female-buckets]

The WNBA was "family-friendly" by republican standards for 15 years. Which means they hid everything gay and amplified everything straight. It was homophobic. It was a promotional strategy based on values.

And now, they're promoting the WNBA under a new set of values. Every play with Vandersloot and Quigley, the announcers refer to them as wives. Literally every single play. It's like once every 5 minutes over a 1.5 hr broadcast. Vandersloot and Quigley are professionals. In games, they're not thinking "there's my three teammates and there's my wife." They don't prioritize their relationship over the team. But despite that professionalism, Chicago is devaluing them because they don't feel like paying so much money to one household.

But never mind that. Announcers call them wives! Look how progressive the WNBA is! Never mind the fact that the WNBPA doesn't address the unique challenges gay couples face in the league. They push all their negotiating power into maternity leave and get lauded as a pro-woman organization. But they don't address the ways teams can use teammates' relationships against them.

Since the Brian Agler lawsuit, the league has had a zero tolerance policy around player-coach relationships. But the most common post-retirement career path is to join your teams' coaching staff. This is a career move available to every player except for players with a romantic partner on the team. In the eyes of the league, there's no difference between the Brian Agler situation and the Taurasi-Taylor situation. The first is a male head coach sleeping with a female player 25 years younger than him. The second is one member of a veteran franchise couple going from the players' bench to the coaches' bench. Somehow, both situations are equally unethical in the WNBA. I don't know if Penny Taylor was interested in a long coaching career. But I doubt she was ready for it to end so soon.

When Allie Quigley retires, what will her career options be? The Thomas-Hiedemans talk about how important it is for them to play on the same team. But they have a bit of an age gap. Jasmine Thomas will retire years before Natisha Hiedeman. If she wants to coach, will she have to coach a different team?

Long-term teammate couples aren't so rare in this league. I just named three. Teams get to use gay couples' "package deal" against them by lowering their player value and limiting their career opportunities. These challenges make other gay players reluctant to develop serious relationships with teammates. There's no policy that says "don't date your teammate." But the systemic disadvantages teammate couples face in the league can overpower the advantages of a shared schedule.

The thing is, the WNBA isn't actually progressive. They're just doing a new promotional strategy based on progressive values. But that promotional strategy is as shallow as the old one. Whether the soundbites have been conservative or liberal, gay relationships have been tolerated but not accommodated in the WNBA. The only thing that's really changed for gay players is interview questions. The rest is the same as it's always been.

But do the shallow progressive promotional messages at least kind of sort of help in an abstract way? It's possible. Maybe they can reach young viewers and say "look! Here's your hero! She's gay and successful!"

But does the WNBA ever say the word "gay?" Not really. The best they can give us is the letter "G." It's a nice little euphemism. When straight people hear the letter "G," they don't need to think about what it stands for. It doesn't have to mean "gay." Maybe they're just "good friends," right?

What about other words? Lesbian, bisexual, homosexual, same-sex couple. Has the WNBA as an organization ever managed to say any of these words? No. WNBA promotions will say "LGBT" and "pride." And they'll say "transgender" and "protect trans youth."

There is one transgender WNBA player. I'm glad Clarendon gets the privilege of a full word and trans youth get protected. I guess lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth can tough it out. The majority of the WNBA is same-sex attracted women. And that majority will just have to settle for initials.

Because the WNBA is all about LGBT Pride. Liberal. Good friends. Business. Transgender. Pride.

I don't think sexuality should be the selling point of the WNBA. It doesn't belong in promotions at all. It's merely a cultural coincidence that the league is so gay. There's nothing deep or profound about it. If you've got a 15-second spot to leave an impression, you should probably brainstorm something more engaging than sexuality.

But if you use us to promote your league, don't insult us. Referring to us with euphemisms and then reminding us not to expect any protections as a marginalized group? That's not just half-assed promotion. That's insulting.

[agusvedder]

I DON’T CARE if this doesn’t get any notes. I need to vent.

My name is Agustina, I’m 27 years old. I’m a nonbinary, queer, latinx person, parent of a 4 year old, non-verbal authistic child. I suffer from depression and anxiety.

I’m 9 thousand kilometers away from the woman I love.

I’m not a victim. I am a minority. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

I started watching Supernatural in 2015, you know, being a stay-at-home parent, who dropped her career and her job to live the first years of their child, there wasn’t much I could do in my free time but to watch a show. I caught a few episodes of season 11 on tv and then I decided to start from zero. I always acknowledged how problematic it was in terms of representation, but always saw small threads of light filtering in the message it sent, recognizing how its writers were trying to shed a little light, creating a jenga tower of storylines and new characters, only to be thrown away by poor, useless deaths and the erasure of said characters.

Since my first run on season 1 I related to Dean. I saw myself on him. (I will never be as brave and cool as him tho, never ever, but his personality traits, some of his family issues, his self worth issues, his loneliness, his unaddressed childhood trauma, his growth in a circle of violence, his reticence to address his feelings until he explodes?... Yeah. There are days where my girlfriend makes fun of me saying “Ok Dean”). I kept looking up to Dean in his geekiness, in his way he always put his life on the line to protect the people he loves and put them always first… even in the supernatural side of the storyline, he still was profoundly human and abnegated to the people in his life. Also because I’m deeply in love with Castiel but that’s another subject. Thanks to this show, I’ve found people in my own country who now I recognize as my family beyond SPN, who helped me accept myself the way I am, who are always there for me. My found family, my chosen family. Because family don’t end in blood, because family cares about you, not only for what you can do for them, because that’s what all of us have in common, and why this show resonated as strongly as it did for us. That’s why we found each other and ourselves in the process, in a circle of love, support, non-judgement and willingness to find a family in ourselves when our own blood relatives ignored us, abused us, refused to recognize us. We’ve found love and family. I’ve found the woman with whom I wanna spend the rest of my life with because of this show.

That’s the power of this story. I know my small circle is not the only one who lived this, who continues to live it.

I can talk about this forever, but there’s something I wanna talk about specifically here. When the ending aired.. what I felt was… like a bucket of cold water was thrown over my head. You know when your parents come home, or call you and give you the devastating news that someone you love died? that exact feeling. The adrenaline, the heartbreak, the feeling of loss. 

The whole season 15 and 15 years of storyline were completely overturned. The misogyny the writers tried so hard to erase, it was there again, in a faceless woman who was supposed to represent the person a lead chose to spend the rest of his life with, reduced to a lilac dress, a blurry face and a uterus. We never seen acknowledged the existence of Eileen Leahy, Sam Winchester’s romantic interest since season 11, his perfect partner whose disability wasn’t an obstacle for her to be a badass hunter. (BUT COVID!! <- No. Eileen Leahy appeared in two episodes this season without Shoshannah being on set: Last Holiday and Despair. If they wanted to include her, they would have. They didn’t because they don’t give a FUCK). Sam Winchester is an academic, a witch, a leader, a powerful hunter, a kind human being, and the ending that was given to him was living an unfulfilled life, dying at a ridiculous young age, having a son only to replace his dead brother? It was sad. Sammy deserved better. He always did.

My beloved Dean Winchester, who I love so deeply, who taught me a lot about myself, about life, love, family, about *ejem* VICIOUS CIRCLES and the power of breaking free from them, of learning to embrace one’s self, our real tastes, our real identity, to come out of a shadow of being reduced to someone’s caretaker instead of having an identity of our own, to spend life loving family the healthy amount.. well, he was killed in a ridiculous way, on a milk run of a hunt.  After being eager and ready to kill himself so many times. After all he’s been through, after saying he’s good with who he is, after considering retirement, after standing up to his dad, saying he already has a family, ready to cut the “I’m Okay” bullshit, address his feelings, his trauma, don’t letting those define him. He deserved better. He always wanted a family, he always wanted to break free from the version of himself he was created to be, “daddy’s blunt little instrument” (For fuck’s sake, he even said it in the same show 10’ before dying, man. If we don’t keep living, the sacrifice the people who died for us did, was for nothing). Are you telling me this man really would refuse his brother to call an ambulance? Refused his brother to get the first aid kit even knowing it was more serious than his brother thought? He was ready to live. He CHOSE life, and at the end his choice was stripped away from him. He clearly was a bisexual man and they never explored it.

Cas. The misfit. The fish outside of the water. Ambiguous gender and sexuality. Finally makes a homosexual declaration of love after all he’s been through. After being brainwashed, used, suicidal, isolated. After telling Sam and Dean he loved them more than once, that they meant everything for him. After confessing he’s been in love with Dean since he pulled him out of hell…. Was erased from the story. Erased, literally. Two emotionless mentions aren’t enough for a 12 year old family member who pulled both brothers out of hell, who died for them more than once, who until 2 seasons ago he didn’t even feel like he belonged there ‘cause he was never told he was loved. No one ever told him “I love you” back. Not Jack, not Sam, not Dean, not Mary. No one. Ever. And still, he died for love. And with his death, he was erased from the finale, being that the first finale Castiel wasn’t in since his appearance on the show. He deserved better. 

All roads lead to Rome and you know what we got at the end of that road? a bottomless pit of NOTHING. The building up towards a different end isn’t just in s15. It’s been there for years and years. And if you watch the show, you see it at plain sight.

 

Sam Winchester hurried to die to reunite with his brother in heaven EVEN WHEN HE SPENT 30 MORE YEARS WITH A WIFE AND A KID he only wanted to die to go back to his brother? it’s insane, it’s ridiculous. That’s not what the show has been about for seasons now. SEASONS. The road was paved towards a healthy brotherly bond, each brother living their future the way they wanted, finally breaking free from the curse John dropped on Dean that Sam’s destiny was in his hands. No no. What was that? Did it ever happen? Was it a fever dream? They really destroyed everything in 38 minutes of the finale? 

Stupid. 

Representation is important, stories are important. They change lives. You know how it changed mine? After I saw Jonathan Van Ness coming out as non-binary, I started to realize how I never called myself "a woman, a girl" or anything like that, how my "female presenting" aesthetic changes drastically depending on how I feel when I wake up  how I always called myself a "person", no gender involved. I realized I was a non-binary person even after becoming a parent. Thanks to Jonathan Van Ness. Thanks to seeing a person like her being unapologetically herself. 

Representation matters. 

It matters. 

It helped my mom understand me when I was 13 and had a girlfriend. It helped my dad educate himself about trans identities. It helped my sister understand about her demisexuality. It helps break circles of ignorance and stereotypes. It helps people process what these characters wanna tell, and realize they're human beings above it all. We suffer, we laugh, we grieve. We love. We exist. 

Supernatural missed a chance to be a historical show in terms of representation. And it breaks my heart.  I cant believe they decided to erase Dean's sexuality, to erase Castiel after saying loud and proud he's in love with a man, to erase Eileen whose disability only was a disadvantage when they KILLED HER in the most ableistic way in s11, to never show Charlie and her girlfriend again, that they decided to make God bisexual AND a villain, thay they decided to turn the only regular non-binary character of color into the villain too (Billie).

I'm still grieving.

This is why "a stupid show" is so important for me, and for lot of people like me. Cause representation can change lives. Stories can change lives. It certainly changed mine, and I'm not the only one. 

Don't let anyone tell you you're just a butthurt fan because you're suffering this ending. Every one of us have a story and this is mine. All of us are valid, our feelings are valid. And we'll get through this eventually

[let-the-dream-begin]

When the World is Free Chapter 2: From My Sinking Sand to Your Solid Ground

Chapter 1

Read on AO3

The first thing Claire was aware of was the pounding of her head.

She groaned loudly, and even that sound made her head split. She roughly rubbed her eyes and tried to open them, then chickened out when the sunlight sent a knife between her eyes.

The second thing she was aware of was that she was stark naked.

Oh, fuck.

That was enough to shake her from her stupor. She sat straight up and searched the room blearily, but John was nowhere to be seen.

Thank God.

She didn’t think she could bear to do a walk of shame in her own bedroom.

She’d thought perhaps it had been a wild, alcohol induced dream. But apparently she really had stripped herself and her homosexual husband naked and ridden him into oblivion. And then cried herself to sleep on top of him.

Jesus fucking Christ.

She pulled a robe out of the wardrobe and wound it tightly around herself, not bothering to dress since she most definitely needed a shower anyway. She emerged from the bedroom, already cringing. The smell of coffee wafted into her consciousness, and it was enough to draw her from the doorway and into the kitchen.

John was sitting at the table with his own cup, staring blankly at the wall in front of him until the pitter patter of Claire’s bare feet caught his attention.

“Good morning,” he said, his voice clipped.

Christ, he could barely look at her.

“The pot should still be hot.”

Claire forced a tight-lipped smile as she shuffled over to the pot of coffee and poured herself a mug. “Thank you.”

He hummed awkwardly in response. Claire sat down slowly with her cup, cringing at the sound of the chair scraping against the floor.

“That bad, is it?”

Claire groaned and rubbed between her eyes, carefully setting the hot mug down in front of her. “Indeed.”

They sat in uncomfortable silence for several agonizing moments, each quietly sipping their coffee.

“Claire, I want — ”

“John, I should — ”

They both snapped their mouths shut, then began stammering apologies over one another.

“I’d…like to go first. If that’s alright,” Claire said uneasily. John nodded, and she cleared her throat, setting her coffee down again.

“What happened last night…it was unforgivable. Me, I mean,” she added quickly. “That was despicable of me. To use your love for him against you like that.”

She felt her face flush hot with shame, and John averted his eyes, a blush creeping into his own face as well.

“I’m a nurse. I know that…arousal doesn’t always mean you…want to…go further.” She swallowed against a rush of tears. “I took advantage of you. I’m…so ashamed, John. I’m so sorry.”

John put his hand up. “It’s alright, Claire.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“If I’d wanted to stop you I could have.”

She stiffened in shock, her hooded eyes widening for a moment.

“I feel I took advantage of you as well, my dear. You were…quite insistent. But I should have stopped you.”

“John — ”

“So I am sorry. Truly and deeply.” His voice sounded pained, and he looked like he was about to cry.

She knew deep down she did not deserve to be apologized to, but to spare him any further pain, she acquiesced. “It’s alright.”

“I used your body for comfort just as much as you used mine. I admit it makes…far less sense to me than it must for you…but use you I did.”

Claire nodded. “I agree. We…used one another. In a way we shouldn’t have.”

John nodded as well. “I think we should…make an agreement while neither of us are inebriated. Something that we can refer to when one or both of us is in too much pain to stop ourselves.”

“I agree.” Claire straightened and took a deep breath. “I can’t believe I have to say this to a homosexual housemate…” Claire tried her hand at humor, and immediately regretted it before continuing. “But I don’t think we should have any more sex. At all.”

“Agreed. And we must not…” He cleared his throat and sniffled. “We must not use Jamie to hurt one another.”

“Never again,” Claire vowed solemnly, reaching across the table and taking his hand. “I promise.”

“I promise, too.”

They gave each other’s hands a squeeze, but were both reluctant to let go.

“What happened…was not right. I shall probably feel guilty until the end of time,” Claire said. “But I think it was just…something we needed to get out of our systems.” John nodded in agreement. “And I think we can move past this, together,” Claire continued. “For Jamie’s sake.”

He nodded again, and gave her hand another squeeze. “And for the baby.”

Claire’s stomach flipped, and her free hand automatically came to rest on her abdomen. “Yes,” she said, and then swallowed thickly. “For the baby.”

He gave her hand one final squeeze before releasing her and standing up. She quickly swiped at the tears that spilled down her cheeks.

“I’m going to make some porridge, it may help with your headache.”

“I’d like that, thank you.”

——

They began a careful dance, a dance with no choreographed steps, but rather an improvised routine that they both fell into. Sidestepping where they needed, pushing and pulling to avoid stepping on each other’s toes in every sense of the word. At first, they stayed as far away from each other as possible in bed, to the point where Claire thought they would both tumble off if one of them so much as sneezed. She’d even considered pawning off the double bed and using the money to buy twin beds. Maybe then she’d be less tempted to ravage him in grief again.

But then, one night, she woke in the night to use the loo, as she’d started doing about a million times per night to empty her pregnant bladder. When she returned, she heard quiet sniffles and small whimpers.

The poor, dear man was weeping.

She crept back under the covers and faced him, his back turned to her. She couldn't tell if he was awake or not, so she reached out and touched his shoulder.

“John?”

He froze. He was awake then.

“Are you alright, darling?”

He continued sniffling, but the little sobs ceased.

“You can talk to me. It’s…what I’m here for. As your wife.”

Claire knew that her time to be married to the love of her life had come and gone. Love as fierce as her and Jamie’s was not meant to last for a whole lifetime, and she was lucky enough to have experienced it at all. Her time had come now to be something else for someone new. Though their marriage was devoid of carnal love and pleasure, she could not deny the growing tenderness for this sweet, thoughtful man.

She whispered his name again and gave his shoulder a light squeeze, and he finally turned to face her. In the glowing moonlight, she could see the tear tracks, the redness of his swollen eyes. Her hand fell on the pillow next to his face, and she waited.

“I…I dreamt of him.”

Claire swore she heard her heart break.

“It was…very real. And when I woke it was like…”

“Like losing him all over again,” Claire whispered hoarsely, understanding immediately. She’d had many a similar dream.

John nodded, blinking back another rush of tears.

“I wasn’t even…we weren’t even…”

Claire nodded; he didn’t have to elaborate.

“He was with you,” John said. “And I didn't even care. Seeing him smile at you was the greatest joy my heart has ever known. I didn’t even care if that…that look was never meant to be mine. I just…wanted him to be happy.”

Claire let out a tiny sob that seemed to echo until she realized it was John breaking down again.

“I wanted to see him grow old and have children…he wanted to so badly…”

Claire fiercely pulled herself right up against him, cradling his head at her breast and weeping into his hair as he clung desperately to her nightgown.

That was the first night Claire was grateful she shared a bed with someone; sharing a bed meaning something different than she’d ever imagined it could. She’d mused recently that to sleep, actually sleep with someone gave a sense of intimacy, as though her dreams could flow out of her to mingle with his and fold them both in a blanket of unconscious knowing. It was an act of trust to sleep in the presence of another person. If the trust was mutual, simple sleep could bring people closer together than the joining of bodies. She could somehow feel this with John, that just allowing her body to fall away into unconsciousness as he did the same, that building that mutual trust between them in this new way was bringing them closer. Especially since their particular joining of bodies had been the farthest thing from bringing them closer.

Some nights she woke to his weeping, or he to hers. They’d grown accustomed to just reaching for the other’s hand, and they would fall back asleep with several inches between their bodies and their hands clasped between them.

It was a comfort that Claire was quickly growing to depend on.

About a week after they'd been married, John took a job as an architect, the career path he'd been preparing for before the war. While he was gone, Claire taught herself to cook, failing miserably more often than not and serving her husband failed dish after failed dish. She went on walks, she read, she picked herbs and flowers in the park, she tended to a small pot of herbs that John had surprised her with in the window of the kitchen one day. She was a terrible cook, but at least her garlic, chamomile, and peppermint were thriving.

The peppermint quite came in handy when the morning sickness started in earnest. John was quite darling about the whole ordeal, never entering the bathroom until he could audibly tell that she’d stopped retching, but he was already prepared with a hot rag and a glass of water, peppermint tea brewing and nearly ready for her consumption.

It wasn’t right away that Claire began missing him during the day, not right away at all. In the beginning she’d enjoyed the alone time with her plants and any strays she decided to pluck from the side of the road or the middle of a field. She enjoyed the time alone to scream into a pillow and weep until her heart could no longer stand it. She enjoyed the time where she held onto Jamie’s old rosary and talked to him like he could hear her.

But the more weeks that passed, the more Claire realized that she’d grown fond enough of John’s presence to feel his absence when he was gone.

It wasn’t that she was never fond of him to begin with. The times she’d visited Jamie during the war and had drinks with John and laughed with him were truly wonderful. She’d always admired his intelligence, his wit, always respected him and appreciated everything he’d done for the man she loved.

But things had somehow changed in that she was truly beginning to see him as a companion. She was truly starting to feel lonely in the hours that he worked, truly starting to look forward to his return home like she supposed a wife should for her husband.

Claire had always sworn that she would not leave her entire life’s purpose to being a wife, even a wife to Jamie. She’d shared her far-off dream of medical school with Jamie, and he’d kissed her with joy for her eventual success; the memory caused deep pangs of sadness in her chest. So for her to find meaning in looking forward to her husband coming home, however amicable a companion he was, could have felt like a betrayal to her very character.

It didn’t, though.

It was an odd comfort, relying on John, and she supposed he felt the same. They read by the fire in their respective armchairs at night, John occasionally remarking on a particular passage to her. In the beginning, she’d only hum in amusement in response, but as more time went on, she allowed it to open discussion, and she’d even started doing it with her own books, engaging him like that.

After reading, they’d strip themselves of their guises of husband and wife. The only visible remnants of their marriage were shared smiles over books or meals (or lack thereof) or flowerpots. Without those, they were just John and Claire, frightened and lonely as they’d always been, hands entwined under the covers in the wide gap between them.

He actually brought home flowers on occasion, on two or three random days throughout the month. Claire found it incredibly endearing. He strode into the bedroom to change out of his work clothes for supper one night as Claire arranged bluebells in a vase, and she allowed perhaps the first genuine smile in months.

He’s trying, God love him.

Claire kissed him on the cheek as she put his plate in front of him that night at supper, and he kissed hers in bed before rolling away and reinstating the gap between them.

Always touching hands.

——

Before she knew it, Claire’s clothing wasn’t fitting anymore, her stomach finally showing true evidence of the life it grew after months of hiding.

And then she felt it, like a bubbly champagne stuck in her chest, like the flutter of butterflies.

Hello, little one.

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Claire said that night over supper. She’d managed a fine beef stew that night, impressing both John and herself. “I don’t want to have the baby in the hospital.”

John comically appeared to choke on his stew. “Beg pardon?”

“Women do do it. Home births, I mean. I had a friend in the army who delivered babies at people’s homes.”

“Isn’t it…” He swallowed a lump of soft carrots. “Painful?”

Claire chuckled. “Well, certainly. But I’d…rather be awake. I can’t stand what they’re doing these days, putting the mothers under with God knows what. I wouldn’t be able to stand it, not knowing what was happening to me for the entire birth. If something were to happen, I would want to be awake.”

“But what if something were to happen?” John said, laying down his spoon.

“If something truly dire were to happen, the hospital isn’t far.”

“God, Claire! What if you died on the way there?”

“Please.” Claire rolled her eyes. “If I was at high risk, I’d go to the hospital from the beginning. Alright? But I truly think everything will be alright. I’d like to have a midwife start coming to make sure of that.”

“What about your friend?”

“Oh, she lives in Glasgow.”

He took up his spoon again, then got a gleam in his eye. “What if I could put her up here, in London?”

Claire put down her own spoon, the corners of her mouth twitching into a grin. “You’d do that?”

“Of course,” he said, as if it were the most simple matter in the world. “I can see you’re not to be argued with on this matter, and I’d rather have the woman in charge of your health and the health of our child be someone you already trust. She’s capable?”

Claire’s mind had momentarily gone blank at his casual utterance.

Our child.

“Are you alright, my dear?”

Claire jolted a bit, shaking her head. “Yes, yes, just a small dizzy spell…” She cleared her throat. “Geillis is quite capable, I assure you. You won’t find someone more so. And it’s as I said: if she thinks it unsafe for me to not have medical intervention, then I will not argue. I promise.”

John nodded curtly, smiling widely. “Then it’s settled. Phone her tomorrow, won’t you?”

Claire took up her spoon again. “I will.”

Our child.

“What’s brought all this on?” John said, spooning more stew into his mouth.

Claire smiled wistfully, her hand resting on the tiny bump. “I felt him today.”

He almost choked again.

“You did?”

“Yes. It’s…too tiny to feel from the outside, otherwise I’d have shown you already. But he’s…he’s fluttering around in there.” She smiled down at her stomach. “It’s…wonderful.”

“That is…wonderful news, my dear,” John said, his eyes bright with joy. “I’m glad of it.”

Claire allowed a few moments of amicable silence to pass between them, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“Did you…mean it when you said…our child?”

For the third time in one meal, Claire thought she had caused her husband to choke.

“God, Claire, I’m…I’m so, very sorry. I didn’t mean…I couldn’t ever…”

“It’s alright,” Claire interrupted gently. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s Jamie’s child. I know that.”

“I know. And I know you know that.” She held his gaze, and she could tell he very much wanted to melt into the floor with shame. “I can’t lie and say it didn’t catch me off guard. Because it did. But it’s…not a bad thing.”

She drew in a long, tremulous breath before continuing.

“Jamie is gone. The father of my child is dead.” Her voice only broke on the last word, and she sardonically congratulated herself in her head. “You are…for all intents and purposes…this baby’s father. And I…I want it to be that way. For the baby. It’s…what Jamie would want.”

John nodded, eyes watering.

“So it’s…it’s alright for you to call him…ours. Because he is.” She covered the small bump with both of her hands, cradling it as if her little child could feel it. “That was just…the first time you’ve said that instead of just ‘the baby.’ So I wanted to be sure you meant it. Or if it was just a slip.”

He looked at her thoughtfully, and she could swear she saw his pupils dilate. “I did mean it, my dear. I wouldn’t say something with that much weight so carelessly.”

Claire nodded, offering him a tight-lipped smile. “Good.”

Their spoons clattered in the thick silence between them.

“Him?” John suddenly said.

“Hm?” Claire looked up at him.

“You keep saying ‘him.’ That sure it’s a boy?”

Claire smiled and chuckled through her nose. “I just…have a feeling, that’s all. A feeling that I’m carrying my little Brian James.”

She could practically see his heart swelling, inflating his chest and causing him to sit up straighter. “For Jamie’s father.”

“That’s right. And for his father as well.”

“It’s…perfect, Claire.” He nodded in confirmation, his eyes wide with something that Claire could only describe as adoration. “Perfect for our son.”

——

John put Geillis up in a flat a few blocks away so that they could walk back and forth to each other with relative ease. Geillis determined that the baby was in excellent shape, and that Claire was a great candidate for a natural birth. Geillis was a bit flighty and slightly mysterious, but that was what Claire had loved about her when they met. She was very reliant on herbs and incense. Claire could tell that her witchy tendencies unnerved John quite a bit, and it often made her giggle to see him uncomfortable in her presence. He didn’t say anything, though, out of respect for Claire’s love for the woman.

Geillis was slightly better in the kitchen than Claire was, so she’d been sharing recipes (much to John’s chagrin; he didn’t trust that there wasn’t something supernatural in anything she fed them). They baked together in either of their flats when John was at work, went on walks together, enjoyed each other’s company. It was refreshing to have female company, and wonderful to have someone to spend time with when she would have otherwise been counting down the minutes until John’s return from work.

Two months after Geillis’s arrival as midwife and friend, Claire was nearly six months pregnant. She was starting to feel exhausted more often than not. She napped quite often, even in Geillis’s flat. Her feet and ankles were constantly sore and swollen, and John had taken to rubbing them for her, having asked her how to do it most to her liking. It was terribly endearing to her.

Claire left Geillis’s flat earlier than usual on one particular day, not wanting to fall dead asleep on her sofa again. She stopped for a few groceries on the way home, not sure if she had enough to prepare the recipe she’d decided on for the night. When she arrived home, she was pleasantly surprised to see John’s shoes and coat by the front door. She didn’t see him in the living room or in the kitchen when she put the brown paper bag down on the counter, so she shuffled into the bedroom to make sure he wasn’t home early because he was ill.

“John, darling, is everything — ”

Claire’s throat went dry and her eyes popped out of her head when she took in the sight on the bed. John was stark naked, cock in his fist, jerking his hips into his hand. He froze immediately at the sound of her voice, covering himself with both hands.

“Oh.” Her cheeks turned pink as she averted her eyes staring at a leaf fluttering by the window. “I’m…I’m sorry…” she stammered. “I saw your coat, and I thought…I’m sorry.”

“I’m…ashamed. Forgive me. I didn’t know you’d be home.”

“No, no. Please don’t be,” Claire said quickly. “It’s…perfectly natural.”

Claire had been very clear with John before they married that she would be perfectly alright with him taking male lovers. She knew she could never provide what he really needed, and she knew this marriage was not for love. He’d thanked her and said he would keep it in mind.

It would appear there hadn’t been any forward momentum on that front.

Claire had no conceivable idea why she was still standing in the doorway staring at the window. “I’ll ehm, just…” She cleared her throat and started to shuffle away, but then stopped herself. “Do you…” she began, only half turning to him. “Want help?”

She looked shyly at him, pointedly only looking at his face. He was beet red with embarrassment, and now looked terribly scandalized.

“The…agreement?” he said, his brow raised in questioning.

“I know. But we’re both sober at the moment, and it wouldn’t really be sex. I…I wouldn’t mind.” She flicked her eyes away from him and wet her lips. “But only if it’ll help. I know I’m not…you know.”

She saw him nod from the corner of her eye. “You, ehm, needn’t trouble yourself.”

“Alright. That’s alright.” Claire nodded curtly and then saw herself out of the bedroom, scuttling back into the kitchen to unpack her groceries.

She did not expect the strange thrill that coursed through her when she heard her name.

Her breathing went ragged as she put down a cabbage on the counter and walked slowly back to the bedroom.

“Did you…call me?” she asked timidly through the crack in the door.

“Yes…you can come in.”

She slowly pushed the door open, taking deep, trembling breaths.

“I’d…like your help. If you don’t mind.”

She blinked back her shock and swallowed against a sandpaper throat before taking slow, even steps across the room and sitting down before him.

He was not as well endowed as Jamie, but it was sizable nonetheless, and had still felt good in that drunken stupor all those months ago. She met his eye and cautiously brought her hand forward. He gave a small groan when her hand wrapped around the base of him. He was burning to the touch, and it fascinated her. She maintained eye contact as she slowly began pumping him, up and down, and he groaned again.

“Is this alright?” she whispered, rolling her thumb over the tip.

“Yes,” he choked out. “Quite…alright.”

Claire smirked and began pumping faster, but not maddeningly so. Not yet.

She had half a mind to ask him what he’d been thinking of before she’d interrupted, but she didn’t need to. She knew.

And she knew how painfully terrible it was to long for the ghost of someone’s touch.

So she didn’t pry, she just worked her hands as expertly as she knew how, until he was panting heavily and jerking his hips up toward her hand. Only then did she double down on the speed, her forearm burning with the effort. He came with a strangled cry, shooting his seed upward, landing on his stomach.

She slowed her hand until she felt him go soft, and then she rested her hand on his thigh, smiling shyly at him. He was laying back, staring at the ceiling as he caught his breath. Claire got up and returned from the bathroom with a towel, and by that time he had seemingly regained his senses.

“Thank you,” he said warmly as he took the towel in his hands, but Claire felt that he was perhaps thanking her for more than just the towel.

“It’s alright, isn’t it?” she said nervously, sitting down. “You don’t feel as if we’ve broken the agreement?”

“No, not at all.” He got up and dressed himself again, though he remained shirtless when he turned back to her. “You were just…helping me finish a job I’d already started.”

Claire nodded, smiling self-consciously, her cheeks blushing fiercely. “Right.”

“You don’t have to blush, my dear.” He closed the distance between them and sweetly kissed her forehead. “You’re my wife after all.”

She nodded again, painfully aware of the heat that had gathered in her stomach and farther down.

“You’re quite warm,” he said, ghosting his fingertips over the apple of her cheeks. “Is it…because…?”

She nodded.

“Ah.” He sat down next to her. “I’m afraid I…wouldn’t be much help. Your knowledge of male pleasure far exceeds that of mine concerning female pleasure.”

“It’s alright,” Claire said gently, covering his hand with hers. “I don’t expect anything from you.”

He smiled gratefully at her, holding her gaze warmly.

Claire had no idea what prompted her to blurt: “You could watch me.”

His mouth popped open a bit, and she watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down.

“Women can do it themselves too, you know.” She smirked, though she was still blushing fiercely. “I wouldn’t mind if you watched. It may…help.”

He swallowed again, drawing his hand away from hers.

“But you don’t want me to…”

“You don’t have to.” She pushed herself higher up onto the bed and unbuttoned her dress, then slid it over her head. She wasn’t sure how John would feel if she got completely naked, so she left her slip on. She reached under it to remove her underwear.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to,” she said, a warning. Before she really began.

“I…I do. Want to.”

She smiled at him and set her underwear aside, away from him. She let her legs fall apart and ghosted her fingers over the slick, wet folds.

“When a woman is aroused…” she said breathily, taking a stuttering breath as her fingers reached the source of her moisture. “Instead of a cockstand, she gets…wet.”

She withdrew her hand to show him, and he stared at the glistening wetness on her fingers with vulgar curiosity.

Smiling devilishly, she returned to her task, gathering more moisture and setting to work on her clitoris. 

“I…aroused you?”

John’s voice brought her out of a haze of pleasure, and she met his gaze with hooded eyelids.

She heard what he left unsaid:

I did…not Jamie?

“You did, John,” she breathed out. “It makes me feel…very good to give a man pleasure.”

It was the truth, really. Jamie was, of course, the subject of her every thought, her every fantasy. In her moments alone, when Geillis was not around, it was thoughts of Jamie’s hands, Jamie’s tongue, Jamie’s cock that roused her to the point of no return. And it was those thoughts that had her weeping in grief after she’d climaxed. But this was different. For the first time, she wasn’t aroused by a fantasy, but rather by the sight of a real man coming right in front of her. By her hand. Did she think of her love in that same position? God, of course. Was she imagining his touch? Certainly. But seeing John, sweet, gentle John, in the throes of pleasure had flipped a switch in her fevered mind.

It was different.

John swallowed hard again in response to her words, and she redoubled her efforts on herself. She did not hold back, allowing her eyes to fall shut and for her desperate keening to get as loud as it would naturally get without restraint. She laid back, neck arching as she moaned loudly with ecstasy.

She picked her head back up when she felt she was close, and made deliberate eye contact with John as she slipped a finger in, still keeping her maddening pace on her clitoris. John’s lips parted and he swallowed again, and with the insertion of a second finger, curling them in and upwards, Claire let out a ragged gasp. Her hips jerked off the mattress, thrusting into nothingness as she continued her rapid assault of her clitoris, her fingers frozen inside her as her walls clenched around them. She let out a sweet sounding moan as her hand finally slowed, and she gradually lowered back onto the mattress, her head swimming and her back slick with sweat.

She kept her eyes closed as she came down from her high, her chest heaving. When she opened her eyes, John was still staring at her, his mouth hanging open. She was still breathing heavily, and she smiled up at him shyly.

“Do you, ehm…” He cleared his throat. “Do you feel better now?”

She nodded lazily, feeling her eyes slide shut again.

“I can finish with your groceries. You seem tired.”

She nodded, eyes still closed, and curled into the pillow, draping her arm over it lazily. She felt like an infant, drugged with sleep after breastfeeding, having satiated herself.

Consciousness was just beginning to slip away from her when she felt a blanket drape over her shoulders, and a gentle peck on her temple.

“Sleep well, my dear.”

[pointnumbersixteen]

A Head Cannon Biography and Character Analysis and of the Captain, Part 1: Early Childhood, or, It Probably Did Not Pay to Be Devoted to Gilbert and Sullivan as an Edwardian Boy

I’ve been reading character analysis and head cannons of the Captain the last few days on this site and decided last night I wanted to start my own, which is half-complete and currently at 7,000 words and counting. Today I thought I’d take the complete bits, split them into parts, create a tumblr side-blog for Cap-dedication and post them, with the rest to follow when complete. I tried to order it as a sort of chronological biography, with as much evidence and logic as I could find to support what I head cannon, and here it goes.

 If we start with the assumption that Cap died in 1945, shortly after the war ended (that’s when most of the ribbons he wears were issued, August of ’45, but as he died where he served, at Button House, before the commandeered estate was returned to presumably Heather Button’s parents or Heather Button herself, which generally would have happened before the year was out, that makes his date of death somewhere between mid-August and late December of that year), and also assume that Cap is meant to be about the same age as Ben Willbond, who was 46 in the first season, we can assign him a tentative birth year of 1899- late Victorian birth, Edwardian childhood. Speech and manners put his family as upper middle class from one of the nicer parts of Greater London, if I’m any judge of these things (might not be, as I’m from the US, but I think I got this one right). Odds better than not that they’re conservatives.

I’m also going to put it into the realm of logic to say that he probably had at least one older brother, as family and long-standing societal expectations of the time wouldn’t have him as an unmarried career military officer if he didn’t have an older brother ready to fulfill his obligations to his family, it would have him married with children, ready to inherit the posh house and take over the business/law firm/whatever made his people upper middle class when the time came. But being a military officer was ideal for younger sons, as it gave them a respected place in society that would provide them a good livelihood without much investment on the family’s part past finding him a commission.

Now I depart from logical deduction and go into head cannon/deduction mix for a moment: he probably also had sisters, so that as a boy he could think of his less het-masculine behavior  as just playing with his sisters instead of being weird or ‘sissy-like,’ as it probably appeared to his het-masculine observers (baby-Cap, my poor gay son, was probably judged quite harshly by his het-masculine observers as a boy). Whereas, if he had just brothers, he probably would have conformed better, for lack of options.

Now back to pure fact for a moment: the Pirates of Penzance (from which the Major General Song he sings repeatedly in s1e2 originates) played in London for four months from late 1908 to early 1909, when Cap would have been probably late 9/early 10ish. And on to combo logic/head cannon: as posh people in Edwardian times, with few other entertainments available, Cap’s family probably went to the theater on the reg and that’s probably when he first saw it.  

Now to mostly head cannon for a while: I’m sure he loved it. I’m sure if he’d been allowed to develop as a person whilst left to his own devices, he would have been a theater gay (I’ll back that up a bit more in a later post). I’m sure he memorized the lyrics then, not to just the Major General Song, but probably all the songs in the play- and back before the internet with its lyric searches and youtube videos learning song lyrics by heart wasn’t easy. It took dedication. Particularly a song as complex as the Major General Song. And I’m sure that his ten year old son enthusiastically, like, super-enthusiastically (you saw the enthusiasm he puts into his musical reenactments in s2e5, guys), reenacting all the song and dance numbers from a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta by heart set off all sorts of gay-alarms in his father’s head.

A few time/cultural notes: Cap’s pre-boarding childhood and the last years of Fannie Button’s life would have been the same ten-year time period. I personally think that’s part of the reason that the two seem to understand each other and not clash (besides Fannie violating Cap’s strict belief that no noise whatsoever should be made in the house between the hours of midnight and dawn with her death screams) as frequently as they do with the various other people in the house, was that they both lived in the same time and culture, at least for a while. But, as noted in s1e1, from Fannie’s death after discovering her husband George’s gay threesome, this was the sort of time period when a man thought murdering his wife and pretending it was suicide was a less risky option than being outed as gay. Homosexuality at this time was a crime (punishable by two years hard labor when he was a boy), and in the views of most of society, probably also a sin. As such, almost no man, much less one of standing with a reputation that might be affected would be okay with having a gay son. Which means, for my poor baby-Cap, that all the parts of him that are ever likely to make him happy in life are about to get squashed out of him.

[honmakurara]

What Kyuso is, and what it isn’t

A few thoughts about Kyuso wa cheese no yume o miru upcoming movie release

Warning 1: spoilers ahead!

Warning 2: I wrote this post quite long ago but the movie was delayed due to the spread of the pandemic, and so I chose to postpone my thoughts as well. So if you find that some thoughts might sound a bit "old", that is the reason why.

**

I can remember there was at first a lot of criticization towards Ohkura's upcoming Otomo role in the Kyuuso wa Cheese no yume o miru movie, which honestly I cannot fully understand.

While I can understand not everyone might be comfortable "enjoying" a story starting out of repeatedly cheats towards women and a blackmail, it sure does not just sit back on this alone (quite the contrary), and I think that both character and story-wise it can be an amazing opportunity for Ohkura's career.

Same for the Boys' Love theme: live action adaptations of BL stories have so far generally lacked too much and definitely failed to adequately portray the BL theme itself, due to poor budget, poor staff, poor attention and poor everything. A brilliant exception is the Double Mints movie: a very dark, violent and angsty story (beware if you're not incline to these themes) and yet a very touching and heart-wrenching movie, where the BL relationship is as much sad as realistic.

Back to the Kyuso movie.

Ohkura's Otomo character in the Kyuso no cheese BL movie isn't just a "bisex" one, and isn't just a "gay" one either. The original manga is actually no real BL because it was not published in a Boys' Love magazine, it had been written in a josei magazine whose target is the adult female audience. That is to say the story does not aim to be a queer manifesto, even though I think it deals amazingly great with such themes. What's (I reckon) great about Mizushiro sensei's story isn't the yaoi theme itself (alone), but rather the excellent way she portrays the human weaknesses and dark sides of her characters (male and female ones), which is not to say I "cheer" for the characters, because I don't, but introspection-development-wise, the story is gorgeous.

Even after the re-prints of the volumes, which have partially edited illustration (not a big thing, only the genital depiction has been censored), the illustrations, dialogues and themes keep being the original ones.

As I said above, the several twists this story carries are also why I reckon this role might be a huge and challenging opportunity for Ohkura's career as an actor, together with his "controversial" Kumon Onna and recent Montecristo ones, and why I won't go easy with 'judging' the movie as proper adaptation of the manga, should it turn out to be disappointing on screen.   - Spoilers ahead, you're warned -

While living is life as a "regular het" guy, Otomo is married and repeatedly cheats on his wife. Should he be praised for leading this life? I guess no, definitely not. So, we start out from a mean man doing despicable actions who suddenly gets "blackmailed" for his bad behaviour by a homosexual kohai of his.

Is Imagase the only bad guy here, for daring such blackmail? I guess not.

And yet, despite (or thanks to) these premises, the story evolves into something very, very different.

It takes a gay kohai of his to make Otomo realize that his marriage is just an empty shell, that he basically married out of any deep feelings for his wife and was 'happy' with just 'life going on'. It's the meeting with Imagase that forces him to think deeply about his life, to realize he's never cared for other people's feelings to start with. In short, Otomo is a womanizer, a selfish and rather empty guy. The sexual relationship with Imagase reveals him also as being jealous and passive, masochistic and dominant at the same time, very much incline to temptation, whatever its shape or time. He's not to be praised, not a little bit. He's not to be looked down at, at the same time. Because he's human, because that is how life takes his toll on everyone of us (nothing is black or white, rather being endless shades of gray), and because it's only when Otomo realizes who he is and what he wants -thanks to Imagase- that he finally manages to be more "himself". "I'll turn 30 soon. I might still have to know what true love is." -Kyoichi Otomo-

These 'simple' words are one of the keys of the whole story to me: I was aghast when I read it in the manga, I still remember them 10 years later, and I was so relieved to  notice it was kept in the trailer, at least. Which is to say I'm not the only one thinking they're valuable.

 Otomo has met and has been with a lot of women, but none of them is able to rip a hole inside his soul. And then, yes, it's Imagase who "makes the miracle", he's the only one who intercepts the black hole and bluntly tells him so. Because sometimes this can happen through the most unexpected of encounters. It's Imagase who makes Otomo finally realize how important it is to pursue a relationship where both parts openly discuss, argue and talk constantly about each other... in bed or not. It's Imagase, a cheeky, blunt, capricious, selfish, impetuous, fickle and mean guy. It's not a woman, nor a good boy. But it's him who is there for Otomo when the latter needs it (and even when he does not). This is what makes this story not just good but special, to me: a cynical analysis about love relationships and human growth/twists, but at the same time a very humble and realistic one.

 Personally speaking, I don't "like" Otomo nor Imagase nor their petty behaviours, and yet I cannot wait to see how Ohkura and Narita will portray them in every little bit of these flawed characters, because I have been hooked to the story as a whole since the very beginning (ten years ago) and I still am this bewitched, and probably forever will be (yes I know, Ohkura: there is no thing like forever anymore. But bear with my feels, please). I would lie if I were to say I don't care about the sex scenes because, hey, it's a very sexy story after all, but that is not where the real point is, to me. The point is that thanks to this movie adaptation, Ohkura has been given a great (maybe not the greatest itself, but greatest so far) opportunity and I'm cheering on him eternally for this.

I had honestly never thought that one day this story could actually become a movie, and even if I did, last thing I would imagine would be that Ohkura could be starring in it.

But it happened. Not to mention Ohkura himself seems to have become fairly fond of this story... thinking deeply about his character, the staff involved, the story and its themes, just like he did during Dr. DMAT, Hanachan no Mizoshiru and Montecristo filming time. Should the movie even fail to hit my (absurdly high) expectations, I won't love the manga less. So far, the theatrical trailer looks a bit different from the sophisticated 'air' I thought it would have, but still quite nice: way more tender and cute than I thought, but with a palpable longing atmosphere which I find very much on point. We'll see. Cannot wait. In the meantime, ganbatte Ohkura, I'm proud <3  

** Post Scriptum: Besides, I find it very nice that Kyuso movie will be distributed by Phantom Films, which so far handled a lot of quite interesting movies. Among these I definitely recommend: - Call Boy (with Tori Matsuzaka), story of a host/gigolò in Tokyo. Photography is amazing in this movie and so are all the actors. - Hoshigaoka Wonderland (Suda Masaki has a very small part in it, but he's amazing);

- HIS: latest release, story of a gay couple that split up during University and meets again several years later... when one of the guys has become father of a young girl. The movie is a sequel of a coming of age drama aired in 2019 in Japan. 

- (not by Phantom Films but anyway) Double Mints: the BEST "yaoi" movie I have ever seen, so fa. A dark story filled with angst, violence, abuse and still, the touching story of a bond&love that cannot be torn off. Definitely not an easy movie, but definitely recommended if you're interested watching how a movie should be done and how "gay feels" are definitely not in the way nor "like a shojo manga".

[rachelking2819]

Hollywood

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I want to start of with a grand applause for Hollywood on Netflix. It is was not at all what I expected, but I was positively surprised! When I first watched the trailer and saw Darren Criss I was already sold, but I just thought that it was going to be old Hollywood and how he was going to be the breakout star. And then there was the tease about the controversy of a black person involved in the making of a movie, so that also got my attention, but nothing else was remarked from the trailer. It also gave me major musical vibes, so I expected that they would break out in song every moment… Spoiler, they didn’t.

There are a lot of important and remarkable characters on this show. Almost everyone we see has some significance to the plot and overall story. But I don’t want to bore you with a detailed dissection of all of them, so I’ll be explicitly discussing 4 characters.

The new series on Netflix is basically about 5 young people trying to make it in Hollywood.

First there is Jack Castello, he essentially drives the story, he was a veteran in World War II. Now he is trying to pursue a dream of becoming a movie star so he can provide for his (spoiler) cheating pregnant wife… bit sad ain’t it. In the beginning he obviously struggles and makes some morally questioning decisions to make ends meet. This shady business gets him a foot a in the door at a major production company, Ace Pictures, by sleeping with the casting director and the wife of Ace Pictures’ owner. Ultimately, he gets cast in the movie Meg written by Archie Coleman.

Secondly, we meet Archie Coleman. An aspiring black gay screenwriter. He also is struggling to make ends meet. He gets caught up in the same shady business as Jack. However, he has written and send a script to Ace Pictures. A peculiar thing about this, is that no one at the studios know of his race or sexual orientation. Archie doesn’t want to be known as a black screenwriter, but as a screenwriter. Which I think is a great sentiment. Against all odds, he gets the call that his script will be made into a movie and that is when the series really starts.

Then there is Camille Washington. She is a contracted black actress at Ace Pictures. As a black girl in the fifties she doesn’t get cast as important roles though… She mostly plays the dumb maid and is used for comical relief. The latter is quite recognizable still… Camille tries to give the characters she plays more agency and some sense of seriousness but is shutdown at every chance. Until a very lucky audition she gets cast as the leading actress of Archies movie, becoming the very first black lead actress on the white screen.

With a black lead actress, a black screenwriter, and an interracial couple at the head of Meg, the movie and studios get major criticism from the society. They threaten everyone involved, going as far as setting fire to the studios’ president’s home and protesting outside the studios’ gates. While all of this is going down, Dick Samuels rises to the stand to offer comfort and motivates everyone to go on and “fuck the haters”. Dick is a closeted employee at Ace Pictures and oversees every movie in production and makes sure that everything is as it should be. He really is the backbone of the whole project. From the very beginning he is very much supportive of the movie and the progressive innuendos. He really feels like the sweetest uncle ever. However, he is struggling with his sexuality. Society isn’t very supporting of homosexuality, to say the least. Especially in Hollywood it could mean the end of one’s career.

Together with countless amazing characters these four remarkable people set out to make the movie that will make history against all odds. Everyone is aware that the movie they made will either be an incredibly good thing or a great disaster. As the president Avis Amberg during her toast says: “we’ll either be looked at as the smartest people in the room or we will never work again. To never working again.” Personally, I love this quote. This quote means that the movie will be so controversial, that changes need to happen within the filming industry. But the people are too small minded to ever want that to happen, hence the protests. So, while to be looked at as the smartest people in the room is great, it won’t have the same impact as when they all would be fired for releasing the movie and then never work again. This means they have done a tremendous job with so much power and impact, that people will be scared for what they will do next and how it will affect them. So, keeping them out of a job represents the fear of that power to me.

What I commend Hollywood most for is that every properly introduced character had a purpose, a mission, a “flaw” and grew from it. I say “flaw”, because of the way the “flaw” was perceived by other in the series, like sexual orientation and race. But there were also genuine flaws like sexual manipulation, homophobias and infidelity. The characters were so well fleshed out that I really understood them, what they stood for and why they would do certain things the way they did. Even the “villainy” characters showed this growth and progression. Most tv shows I watch, characters are mostly explained but growth is barely shown. So, for this series with only 7 episodes to round out their characters without it feeling rushed, is something I appreciate.

While I definitely enjoyed the series, I don’t think I want another season. It probably would be about how the characters are holding up now as well-established names in Hollywood or maybe different people would take the spotlight now. But to me that feels unnecessary, because the way this show ended already gave me a feeling of completion and I think a second season would be too much of a good thing.

Kudos to everyone involved with Hollywood. I thoroughly enjoyed it and recommend it 10/10 to others to go and watch it. I might have already pressured my sister and cousin.

Thank you for reading! Tell me what you thought of Hollywood and ‘till next time!

[happyweddingblogs]

120+ Questions to Ask a Boy Before Marriage

Source: Happy Wedding App

Your marriage is a serious affair; hence, you must gather all the boy’s right details before the event. There is nothing wrong with asking the right questions to the boy before getting married to the guy. Know that marriage is one such affair that changes everything, from your status to your state of mind. Taking things casually is not a great idea. You should always be ready with the right sets of questions to ask a boy before marriage. In many cultures and countries, including India, the boy is finalized by the bride’s family. And the bride’s family makes sure that they gather every detail about the guy, from his family background to his monthly income.

This process is not to humiliate somebody, but just to make sure that there are no issues after marriage. If you are also planning to tie the knot soon, here are 120 questions to ask a boy before marriage. Take a look……

Questions About Relationship and Marriage

The first and foremost topic that you can pick while asking questions is about relationships and marriage. This will help you know his point of view about marriage and relationships.

Q. 1. What is your idea of marriage?

Q. 2. What, according to you, is more important in a marriage, love or respect?

Q. 3. How, according to you, will our life change if we got married?

Q. 4. What would you do if we fell out of love?

Q. 5. What are your long term family plans?

Q. 6. What are you looking for in a girl?

Q. 7. What, according to you, is the best thing about marriage?

Q. 8. What, according to you, is the worst thing about marriage?

Q. 9. What are your career aspirations?

Q. 10. What would you like to be doing five years from now?

Q. 11. What do you think a couple should do to keep the love alive in a marriage?

Q. 12. How do you spend your weekends?

Q. 13. What is your idea of the best date?

Q. 14. How important are events like wedding anniversaries to you?

Q. 15. How would you like to spend special days?

Q. 16. How would you like to spend your time with your family?

Q. 17. Is there anything that you would despise your wife doing?

Q. 18. How would you take it when your wife gets a better promotion at work?

Q. 19. What kind of parent do you want to be someday?

Q. 20. What excites you about marriage?

Q. 21. What kind of house do you want to live in?

Q. 22. Is there anything that I should know?

Q. 23. Do you have any fear of marriage?

Q. 24. What does a wedding mean to you?

Q. 25. Name one thing that you would want to change about our relationship?

Q. 26. Do you think we can have a happy married life?

Q. 27. Do you believe in love?

Q. 28. Is there anything you don’t trust about me?

Also See: 46 Questions to Ask a Girl Before Marriage

Questions about Future Children

It is always good to discuss future children in advance. There are chances that you may want to have kids after marriage, but the boy would be against it. Knowing it in advance will help you design your life after marriage accordingly. Here are the questions:

Q. 29. Do you love kids?

Q. 30. How good are you with kids?

Q. 31. Are you comfortable around children?

Q. 32. How many kids would you want to have in the future?

Q. 33. What values would you want to inculcate in your future children?

Q. 34. How would you discipline your kids?

Q. 35. How would you react if our future kid misbehaves in public?

Q. 36. What would you do if our future kid goes on the wrong track?

Q. 37. What would you do if our children didn’t want to attend college?

Q. 38. How would you react if our future children do not perform well in the class?

Q. 39. What would you do if our future child said he was homosexual or gay or lesbian?

Q. 40. How much say should kids have in a family?

Q. 41. What would you prefer: putting our future children in a private school or in a public school?

Q. 42. What do you think about homeschooling?

Q. 43. What if I cannot conceive? Would you opt for adoption?

Q. 44. In the case of any medical issue, would you be ready to take medical help?

Q. 45. How far apart from the marriage do you want kids?

Q. 46. Would it be okay if our kids stay in daycare? Or would you want one of us to stay home with the kids?

Q. 47. Would you want me to leave my job after we have our babies?

Q. 48. Do you believe that grandparents are needed for good parenting?

Q. 49. Do you think I would make a good mother?

Q. 50. Would you include me while handling parental decisions?

Q. 51. What do you think about how important is the role of parents in parenting a child?

Related: 14 Common Marriage Proposal Mistakes

Questions About Work

It is important to know about the job and the boy’s plan to know about his career and professional life. Here are the questions that you must ask:

Q. 52. Do you love what you do?

Q. 53. Where do you see yourself five years down the line from now?

Q. 54. Are you happy with your present company?

Q. 55. Is there any plan to switch your job in the near future?

Q. 56. What are your long term goals?

Q. 57. Would you mind if I have to travel for my job?

Q. 58. How often do you travel for your job?

Q. 59. Does your work involve night shifts?

Q. 60. Would it be okay if I have night shifts or late meetings?

Q. 61. Would you rather be rich and miserable or poor and happy?

Questions About Family Conflicts

More often than not, people avoid asking these questions, which I trust are the most important ones. Of course, you should know how the boy you are meeting handles conflicts or disagreements in life. Here are the questions that you may add to your list:

Q. 62. Do you believe that disagreements are a part of a relationship?

Q. 63. Would you give enough space to your partner?

Q. 64. How well do you handle disagreements?

Q. 65. What would you do if there are disagreements between your family and me? Whose side would you choose in such a situation?

Q. 66. Would you consider taking marriage counseling if we were having marital problems?

Q. 67. Do you have temperamental issues?

Q. 68. Would you ever go for a divorce?

Q. 69. What do you do when there are immense disagreements?

Q. 70. Do you like discussing things when there are issues or just suppressing your emotions until they get bigger?

Q. 71. What, according to you, is the best way to handle disagreements in a relationship?

Also Read: What is The Best Age To Get Married?

Questions About Sexual Relationship?

Again, this is an important part of a marital relationship. So, make sure you put up some questions related to a sexual relationship. Here are some of them:

Q. 72. What is your idea of romance?

Q. 73. How would you tell that you aren’t satisfied sexually?

Q. 74. How would you deal with the sexual stress?

Q. 75. What are your views on infidelity?

Q. 76. What do you think about birth control?

Questions about Family Values and Religious Beliefs

It is important to know the family values and the religious beliefs of the guy. Here are the questions to ask a boy before marriage:

Q. 77. What is your view on religion?

Q. 78. What kind of marriage would you prefer, a simple religious ceremony or a big fat wedding?

Q. 79. What is more important for you, work or family?

Q. 80. To what extent should a woman intervene in a family’s matter?

Q. 81. Who, according to you, should make the decisions of the household?

Q. 82. What would you do if your relative or somebody else says something bad about me?

Q. 83. Would you only be following the advice of your family? Or would you want to discuss things with your spouse before making any decision?

Q. 84. How important my role would be in your family?

Q. 85. Who do you think should do household chores?

Q. 86. What would be your role as a husband?

Q. 87. Do you believe in sharing responsibilities?

Q. 88. Do you think sharing responsibilities make a marriage better and stronger?

Related Post: 9 Things to Discuss Before Marriage in India

Questions about Extended Family

There will hundreds of things that you would want to know about your extended family; however, here are some of the most important questions that you can consider asking the boy:

Q. 89. How often would you want to visit your family in a month/year?

Q. 90. How often will your family be visiting us?

Q. 91. How often do you think my family should visit us?

Q. 92. How often will you visit my family?

Q. 93. How often will you let me visit my family?

Q. 94. Do you celebrate all the festivals and special occasions with your family?

Q. 95. Would you take your parents in, in case they become ill?

Q. 96. Would you mind taking my parents in, in case they become ill?

Q. 97. What you do if your family doesn’t like me?

Q. 98. Who are you more close, to your mother or father?

Q. 99. What would you prefer spending Holidays and special occasions in some other destination or with your family at your home?

Questions about Medical History

Don’t hesitate to ask questions related to medical history. Here are the questions:

Q. 100. Is there any history of diseases or genetic abnormalities in your family?

Q. 101. Is there anyone in your family suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction?

Q. 102. Is there anyone in your family with mental issues?

Q. 103. Would you oppose mental health treatment?

Q. 104. How careful are you about your health and about your family’s health?

Q. 105. Do you love to do exercise?

Q. 106. Do you eat healthy to stay healthy, or you simply eat anything?

Q. 107. How important is it to have a healthy routine for you?

Questions about Money & Finances

Money, debt, and finances are the most important things to discuss before marriage. Here are the questions that you shall ask a boy before marriage?

Q. 108. Do you have any loans or debt?

Q. 109. What is better, a luxurious life with too much debt or a simple life without any debt?

Q. 110. Do you save money?

Q. 111. Do you plan for your future, or you just spend everything that you earn in the present?

Q. 112. Would you like to share your money with your spouse or split the money into different accounts?

Q. 113. How well are you at spending money?

Q.114. Do you like budgeting?

Q. 115. How good are you at dealing with financial problems?

Q. 116. What would you do if we have financial problems in the future?

Q. 117. Do you save your life after retirement?

Q. 118. Would you be seeking additional income sources if we had financial problems?

Q. 119. What would you do if a family member asks for a large sum of money?

Q. 120. Who will be taking care of the matters related to household finances?

Questions about Fun and Entertainment

Fun and entertainment are an important part of life. So you must ask the boy’s opinion on these two major aspects as well. Here are the questions:

Q. 121. Do you like traveling?

Q. 122. How often do you travel in a year?

Q. 123. Where would you like to for the honeymoon?

Q. 124. How would you like to spend your time with your partner?

Q. 125. Would you mind if I go for a girl (only) trip with my friends?

Q. 126. How would you like to spend your weekends?

Extra Questions

Then, there are some extra questions other than any particular topics, which include:

Q. 127. How would you like your partner, in traditional wear or modern attire?

Q. 128. Do you like pets?

Q. 129. Would you ever prefer to settle abroad?

Q. 130. What is your retirement plan?

Q. 131. How do you like to spend your mornings?

So these are the 120+ questions to ask a boy before marriage. Know that these questions are to help you know the person before the wedding and not to humiliate anyone. So, be kind and polite while asking these questions. Also, do not ask all your questions in one go. Take your time, and in each meeting, you can get to know the person better.

Happy Wedding……

[chaoticspacefam]

Character Traits Meme - Aria & Vano

I was tagged by the lovely @mercurypilgrim​ (thank you! :D)

I can’t remember who I tagged last time so if I’ve tagged you twice and/or you don’t wanna do it again (or the first time), no pressure as always :D but I shall tag @abyssal-space​ @sentinelapologist​ @thatmmolesbian​ @stratosara​

I did the Sith twins last time, so it’s Aria and Vano’s turn this time! :D

[WEALTH ]

$ Financial : wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

(Aria lived hand-to-mouth on the streets for a while during the start of her story, but built it back up after she returned to the Empire. She’s not quite “wealthy” but she did inherit a lot of her father’s things after his death so she’s what I would call “comfortable”.)

✚ Medical : fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged

(Mostly fit, but has extensive scarring from her younger years and some long-term memory damage thanks to a bad glitterstim habit in her younger years.)

✪ Class or Caste : upper / middle / working / transient / slave / unsure

(Was a smuggler for about 5 years after joining up with Merak & Ziri, but after returning to the Sith/Jedi, she worked her way back up again ;))

✔ Education : qualified / unqualified / studying / other

(Graduated from the Sith/Jedi Academy, sooo that counts as qualified right? :P)

✖ Criminal Record : yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / classified

(Uhhhh, yeah. Murdering a lot of Jedi Masters for the Sith, need I say more? She was arrested during the battle of Ilum and spent several years in jail until the first proto-alliance had need of her to help them fight the Revanites. As a show of “good faith” after Yavin, Satele expunges her record and allows her to return to the Sith with Vano, since any further damage Aria could cause has already been done - she’s already been feeding the EmpireJedi intel for years by that point!)

[ FAMILY ]

◒ Children : has a child or children / has no biological children / wants children / has adopted children

(Ziri is SORT OF like an adopted daughter to her. Sort of. But uh, she’s bad with children. Do not leave them with her.)

◑ Relationship with Family : close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased

(An only child (though in the Zephyrverse AU(s) she does have several half-siblings on her father’s side!)

◔ Affiliation : orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable  

(Killed her mother as part of her Sith trials (something that still haunts her), was raised by her father Darth Noctis, but later on as an adult orphaned when Baras’ assassins kill Noctis. Then adopted into Vano’s family after they eventually marry. What a mouthful huh?)

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

(One of the loudest people you will ever meet, Aria has NO filter and almost NEVER keeps her mouth shut. Vano wishes she would, but she does not XD)

♦ dis-organised / organised / in between

(I would call it “organised chaos”, it might seem a mess to someone else, but it’s organised to her. She never sticks to one plan and is always improvising on the fly, but she’s very good at that!)

♦ closed-minded / open-minded / in between

♦ calm / anxious / in between

(This one was difficult for me to decide...she doesn’t really get anxious or panicked so I decided to go with “calm”, though a more accurate description would simply be “doesn’t give a shit”)

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

(Unless she’s close to you, she’s NASTY. Not someone you want to spend quality time with.)

♦ cautious / reckless / in between

(When it comes to life-or-death, she’s always cautious. She’ll never risk her life for you, unless your name is Vano or Qyzen. But if death is not on the cards, she will absolutely take risks without balking about it.)

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between

♦ leader / follower / in between

(She’ll follow Vano and the Ahaszaai twins - and her father when he was alive - but otherwise, don’t tell her what to do. She’ll flip the bird at you.)

♦ empathetic / unempathetic / in between

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

♦ traditional / modern / in between

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between

♦ cultured / uncultured  / in between

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

(loyal to a select group of people (Vano, Saarai, Ni’kasi, Qyzen, her father), everybody else, you may never know if she’ll help you or put a knife in your back.)

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

(See above)

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality : heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

❥ Sex : sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless

♥ Romance : romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and/or inexperienced

(Aria is demiromantic so it takes time for her to build that sort of bond with someone, couple that with her father teaching her from a young age that “loving someone was weakness” means she’s not really given it much time of day. Now that he’s not around to keep pushing that viewpoint and she can learn to be more openly affectionate with Vano, though, she’s starting to try.)

❣ Sexually : adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

(I think this speaks for itself LOL)

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners : male / female / agender / other / none / all

(If it’s human(oid) and it has a pulse, she’ll fuck it. She’s a whore, sir.)

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners : male / female / agender / other / none / all

[ ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

(I would hope so, she’s been fighting stuff for a good few decades now!)

≡ Literacy Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

(Her dad was a Darth and he intended for her to take his place one day, he made sure she could do everything she needed to be successful.)

✍ Artistic Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

(She can dance well enough to not make a fool of herself, and maybe draw some simple things, but not much more than that!)

✂ Technical Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

(She ran with smugglers. She’s not as good as they are, but Merak and Ziri taught her how to slice and she can make do in a pinch, though she wouldn’t be able to handle like...advanced encryptions and so on.)

[ HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

(She’s always loved a good drink. If she’s not working, you’ll find her at a bar somewhere, drinking the other patrons under the table XD)

☁ Smoking : trying to quit / never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

(Not nearly as often as she drinks, but yes.)

✿ Other Narcotics : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

(Oh boy, oh boy, she did a LOT of stims in her younger years while she was smuggling. Hasn’t touched them for a long time as of re-joining the war(s) proper.)  

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

(Previously a lot. Medical stims were a good, quick substitute if she ran out of other things. Since she’s gone clean, though, she won’t touch them now for fear of relapsing if she does.)

☻ Indulgent Food : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

(If Vano wants to go out to eat, she’ll go with her, but it’s not something Aria herself will specifically suggest.)

$ Splurge Spending : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

♣ Gambling : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

(On occasion, if she has time.)

[WEALTH ]

$ Financial : wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

(Vano’s never had to worry about money, but she’s not rolling in it either. Just comfortable :))

✚ Medical : fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged

(Gal works out, she keeps herself in good condition! :D)

✪ Class or Caste : upper / middle / working / transient / slave / unsure

✔ Education : qualified / unqualified / studying / other

(Graduated from the Sith Academy, so I am once again assuming yes :3)

✖ Criminal Record : yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / classified

[ FAMILY ]

◒ Children : has a child or children / has no biological children / wants children / has adopted children

(Unfortunately for Vano, her wife is not a child-oriented person, so they probably never will. It’s okay though, she’ll find a way to substiturte, probably helps teach younglings at the Enclave or something!)

◑ Relationship with Family : close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased

(Vano has a younger brother, Merak, who is my smuggler. While they’re separated for some time, they’re still close - in fact, Merak begins his smuggler career because he wanted to travel the galaxy to try and find Vano again, and he needed money to keep searching so smuggling it was!)

◔ Affiliation : orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable  

(her father was killed when Vitiate’s Inquisitors raided Mirial and he tried to stop them from taking Vano with them to train, but her mother is only very weakly Force sensitive and was left behind. She works in the local Jedi Archives on Mirial, but after the Alliance forms and Vano and Merak reach out to her again, she eventually joins them on Odessen <3)

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

(Vano is pretty outgoing and friendly, but not very “in your face”. She’s the quiet-but-friendly sort of type.)

♦ dis-organised / organised / in between

♦ closed-minded / open-minded / in between

♦ calm / anxious / in between

(Mostly calm and collected, though post-Valkorion possession, she has moments where she gets anxious. Particularly if she’s alone, or if she can feel he’s about to pop up and start bothering her D:)

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

(The only time she won’t be agreeable is if you’re a dick, basically.)

♦ cautious / reckless / in between

(Not STUPID reckless, but Vano will take calculated risks and/or react first, think about herself later in order to defend someone else.)

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between

(Mostly pretty reserved and quietly thoughtful, but known to be VERY vocal in terms of defending minorities or other disadvantaged people and so on.)

♦ leader / follower / in between

♦ empathetic / unempathetic / in between

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

♦ traditional / modern / in between

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between

♦ cultured / uncultured  / in between

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

(Vano’s loyalty knows no bounds. She has a strong moral compass and she won’t continue to follow a complete tyrant (which is why she always kept Baras at arms’ length) - but if you’re generally a good person (even if you make mistakes sometimes - or a lot of times if your name is Aria XD - she will cross the entire damn galaxy for you and do anything for you, no questions asked.)

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality : heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

❥ Sex : sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless

(She likes it. Buuuut she can also go a long while without any and not get twitchy about it, if the world’s on fire or something of that nature, sex goes on the back burner, she can survive without it if necessary.)

♥ Romance : romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and/or inexperienced

(Yes please! Flowers, chocolates, sunsets and rolling credits, Vano’s a sucker for some good-ol’-fashioned romance.)

❣ Sexually : adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

(I struggled with this one, because Va’s not really “naive” she’s just very...vanilla? XD Willing to try things, but Aria’s definitely more experienced in terms of variety of things than she is, so Ari’s usually the one um, “in charge”. ;))

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners : male / female / agender / other / none / all

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners : male / female / agender / other / none / all

[ ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

(She trained with the Sith. She had to be good or she’d be DEAD XD)

≡ Literacy Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

(Pretty good, she’s not illiterate, but certainly not as silver-tongued as say, Aria.)

✍ Artistic Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

(Decent enough singer and dancer, very good at calligraphy, which is one of her main hobbies when she’s not saving the galaxy from mass-murdering tyrants :’))

✂ Technical Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

(Decent enough. She can work the Razor’s computer systems, crack some rudimentary passcodes and do other basic things, but she would leave the more advanced slicing and coding to Aria, Vette or her brother, they’re better at it.)

[ HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

(Social drinker, so will have some at a party or occasionally one or two while she’s out with Aria, but nowhere near as much as her wife.)

☁ Smoking : trying to quit / never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

(Va’s a stress-smoker, so the more pressure she’s under and the more worried/frazzled she feels, the more she smokes. If she’s having a pretty “normal” time of things, it’s in moderation.)

✿ Other Narcotics : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

☻ Indulgent Food : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

(Sometimes ya just have a shitty day and you have to eat an ENTIRE bag of toffee all to yourself. When you’ve saved the galaxy like 3 times over you deserve that much XD)

$ Splurge Spending : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

♣ Gambling : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

(Not so keen on it, prefers to watch Aria and her brother whilst they do so she can get them out of trouble if they get into it.)

[in-dire-need]

Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge- My Chemical Romance

The only 2004 album that could even come close to giving American Idiot a run for its money is Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge. My Chemical Romance’s second full-length album shot the band out of its familiar water. Its numerous hits continue to reach billboard charts, such as opening track “Helena” and world-renowned “I’m Not Okay.” According to frontman Gerard Way, Revenge stands as a “pseudo-conceptual horror story”. Every track on the album ties into this twisted and supernatural story of the two lovers featured on the cover, which was created by Gerard Way.

“Helena (So Long and Goodnight)” opens this story of Three Cheers with a heartfelt yet twisted dedication to the Way brothers’ grandmother, Elena Rush, had passed away under circumstanced unknown to the public during the band’s tour of I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. Elena had heavily influenced the brothers from a very young age and inspired them to pursue their dreams. When she passed, Gerard Way was sent into a spiral of anger and self-destructive behavior. He wrote the song to be somewhat of a letter to himself, expressing the hatred he felt for himself at the time. Despite the dark theme behind the lyrics, “Helena” continues to be a radio classic on rock stations everywhere. 

The story element behind the album begins during the second track, “Give ‘Em Hell, Kid”. A man has been divided from his lover after the devil resurrects him from the dead and, in order to resurrect his wife as well, he must kill one thousand evil souls and present them to the devil. While he ventures out to accomplish this, his wife wonders where he has gone and is clueless of his plans. She is livid at him for wrecking their marriage that began when they were young and dumb. In the next few tracks we listen as the protagonist crashes a wedding in order to kill the guests. He begins to question his sexuality and if his wife is worth one thousand souls. Continuing the double-meaning, the “To The End” is also based on the short story “A Rose For Emily” by William Faulkner. In this story, a rich wife begins suspecting that her husband may be a homosexual, so she poisons him before he cheats on her or leaves her. 

“You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison” features Bert McCracken, frontman of The Used, with whom all of My Chemical Romance was extremely close with at the time of Three Cheers’ release. Gerard was also featured on their 2004 album, In Love and Death, which toured with Three Cheers after its debut. Since then, the bands had a falling-out and didn’t speak for years before heavily hinting that The Used would be opening for My Chemical Romance’s reunion tour that was scheduled for 2020. This information was never officially announced, though, seeing as COVID-19 has ruined every hope and dream that it could lay its greasy paws on. Anger aside, “Prison” continues the protagonist’s journey to kill one thousand evil souls to resurrect his wife as he is arrested in a restaurant gunfight. Once in prison, he begins falling for an inmate of the same sex, which confuses and upsets the protagonist who had assumed he was heterosexual for his entire life. He still dreams of his deceased lover, whom his journey is all for. The other inmates begin to take advantage of him, forcing him to dress in drag and give blowjobs to accommodate to their sexual desires. He begins to lose his sanity and believes that he might as well be executed since he will not be able to fulfill his mission from prison. He decides that when he leaves, he will burn down an entire hotel to quickly raise his body count.

Another track that has gone down in history is number four, “I’m Not Okay (I Promise”. It follows a girl who struggles with dealing with the problems in her life. She vents and complains to her boyfriend, who is dealing with his own problems. He puts them aside to comfort his girlfriend time and time again. She does not take this into account and simply continues to wallow in her own pain, attempting and failing to relate to sad songs with deeper meanings. He has finally had it with her by the end of the song and explodes, telling her that he is not okay and he is done with her melodrama. “The Ghost of You” is another smash hit produced by this album, which continues the story already present. The protagonist expresses the grief he experienced after losing the lover he is trying so hard to save. Later tracks emphasize this as the protagonist begins to doubt his ability to bring his lover back.

Standing as a message of inspiration and a sign not to give up, “Thank You For The Venom” has become very popular within its target audience. Critics began to blame My Chemical Romance for making music purely to become famous, to which the band responded saying that the fans are a huge impact on their music. They never wanted to be on the front covers of magazines and at the head of the rock scene, but at a certain point they could no longer fight the inevitable. The song narrates what is possibly a nun attempting to convert a horrible sinner, then being murdered by the man. The sinner could be the protagonist continuing his killing spree, knowing that no amount of preaching could save him. In the following tracks, he questions again if his lover is really worth kill one thousand evil souls. After a woman representing his lost love holds him at gunpoint and tells him to stop his killing spree, he considers shooting himself and therefore dying for her instead of killing. He trudges on still and vows revenge on this woman as his story nears its end. After killing nine-hundred ninety-nine evil souls, he realizes that the last one he must take is his own. He begins hallucinating that his wife is there with him and even holds conversations with her before remembering that she is not there. It is heavily suggested that his lover committed suicide after getting drunk, though the means are unknown. The protagonist finally comes to terms with the fact that he is destined to die and that he would never have been able to resurrect his wife. 

In the final track, “I Never Told You What I Did For a Living”, the man completes his transaction with the devil. He accepts his fall from grace, but knows that once he is with his love again it will all have been worth it. Once he kills the last soul, himself, it is revealed that the devil tricked him. As a result of his astounding body count, he has been damned to hell instead of being reunited with his lover. His final realization is that it was all for nothing and that he has simply become a monster. 

Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge’s final lines are a callback to the group’s first album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love, or Bullets for short. Dozens of lines throughout the album reference Bullets, and the lovers featured are even referred to as two “Demolition Lovers”. Initially, fans and critics believed that the two albums were linked as one continuing story, but that theory has been denied. Past its horrific tale, many songs actually send a buried positive message- keep going. Specifically “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” and “Thank You For The Venom” have worked to debunk the band’s stereotype of being a suicide cult. Ironically, these songs have also become symbols of this said suicide cult, given the references to death and self-destruction, which leads many younger listeners to fall prey to this cult mentality that the media has created. That very concept was something that My Chemical Romance vehemently spoke out against, seeing as the very reason they began making music was to help people. Even despite being twisted and forgotten by the media, that is still exactly what they did. Although fame wasn’t what they wanted, in the end they achieved exactly what they wanted: to help people. Their worldwide fame simply allowed them to reach farther and wider than ever imagined. 

As previously stated, all tracks on the album not only tie into the crazy narration of two dead lovers, but into the real lives of the bandmates, specifically Gerard and Mikey way. For example, “The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You” personifies Gerard’s struggle with alcoholism and cocaine addiction in the form of a woman. He says that he could stay with her for hours even though she will eventually kill him. He was able to sober up and toured for Three Cheers during his first full year sober, which he described as extremely difficult. “The Ghost Of You” helps paint the picture of how the brothers were grieving after the loss of their grandmother, Elena.

Elena was one of the most powerful influencers behind the creation of My Chemical Romance and continued to inspire them throughout their entire career. Thanks to her, the band went on to inspire millions of young adults worldwide. Had she not supported her grandchildren like she did, so many more influencers would have never developed the confidence to take their first steps into the sunlight. These influencers include Palaye Royale, Twenty One Pilots, Post Malone, and Yungblud. Who knows how many more celebrities truly are that wouldn’t be where they are without the influential messages of My Chemical Romance? Who knows who the next possible star will be? I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out. Go enjoy yourselves, internet.

“And we'll love again, we'll laugh again We'll cry again, and we'll dance again And it's better off this way, so much better off this way I can't clean the blood off the sheets in my bed!”

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

“Oh. Very well”: Alexander Waverly in Exploitation and Backstories

Waverly... bothers me. I think he’s a fascinating character and wonderfully portrayed and he’s a very intrinsic element of The Man From UNCLE that makes the show what it is, but he’s deeply and fascinatingly flawed and Damn do I want to talk about that!

Disclaimer: This is all based on my headcanons, not on concrete evidence from the show; I’m just speculating.

Disclaimer 2: I’m going to briefly reference real historical events. I do not intend to go into great detail because the last thing I want to do is to turn these into fuel for fanfiction without at least due respect to the victims of these events and their families. The 1930s and the 1950s were not really that long ago. How and if fandom should treat these kinds of tragedies is another debate, but for now: some events are still with us and I am conscious that while what I’m doing here is having fun with character analysis, not all of this is fiction. I’ve done my best to do what research I can, but if something I’ve said sounds off or disrespectful, please tell me and I will do my best to correct myself.

Waverly gives me the heebiejeebies. Whether it’s his matter-of-fact statement that his agents are expendable, his deceptions and manipulation of them, the fact that he regularly keeps them in the dark in ways that endanger them, or the fact that despite all of this they show him ultimate and unflinching loyalty - something about him throws me off.

Now the things I’m about to say about Napoleon and Illya’s pasts prior to joining UNCLE are headcanon, sometimes with basis in canon, sometimes just pulled out of nowhere for the fun of it or because I thought it fit. They might not, probably don’t, fit everyone’s headcanons. Napoleon and Illya are always shady about their pasts and I’m glad of it - it means we get So Much variety in transformative fandom. There is also a point to me getting into Napoleon and Illya’s backstories in order to talk about Waverly, and I will get to it.

I headcanon Napoleon as the only child of a fairly well off family. We know his grandfathers may have been an admiral and an ambassador respectively, although of course taking Napoleon’s word on anything is risky business. For the sake of argument, though, I’m going to say that’s canon. Napoleon is likeable and has a lot of friends. He does okay in school, but not well enough, I don’t think. He’s sporty and popular but not overly academic. He doesn’t go to college (this is arguably disputable; he states in Cherry Blossom that he threw the javelin in college - but I think that’s just him talking nonsense to get attention from girls. Pretty standard for Napoleon really!), or if he does go to college, he drops out and joins the army. I think Napoleon lying about his age in order to join up is so believably something he would do. He’s young, overconfident and desperate for a cause. We see in Secret Sceptre how he’s clung to Morgan’s ideals and assurance that the cause they’re fighting for is just, and how distraught he is to learn that his old mentor is not the moral safe ground he thought. How this must lead Napoleon to revisit his time in Korea with a new perspective - one of corruption and greed and futility! He wants reassurance that he’s doing, has done, the right thing. It’s an insecurity he masks well, but it’s there. I’d argue you can see it again in Seven Wonders of the World, for example, and even throughout season 4: war is never over, good never triumphs fully, good and evil are not black and white, how do we know that our ideals are the right ones?

I headcanon that Napoleon met his wife before he left for Korea, although I don’t think they were married until after he returned. They were both too young to get married; Napoleon in particular is immature and impulsive. Napoleon’s family did not approve. Still, I think that for what time they had together they were very poor and very happy. Whether this would have lasted, who knows? I headcanon that she died in a car crash, and that Napoleon wasn’t there when it happened. He’s home from a war he never understood, he’s full of grief and guilt, and his life is not what he thought it was going to be. What a time for Waverly to appear, to tell him that there is a concrete Good and Evil and that there are Good Guys and Bad Guys, that there’s a simple cause and Napoleon can find a career in joining it. Napoleon’s not stupid - but it’s not going to be hard at this stage in his life for Waverly to make UNCLE sound like a godsend. 

How Waverly gets hold of Illya in my headcanon is if anything more unsettling. He’s born into genocide and famine, and I headcanon that he was 8 when his parents died. That he lived with a Romani family is also firmly set in fanon for many and has some good canon basis and I very much subscribe to that. What his childhood was like is frequently speculated and I haven’t come to too many conclusions myself but it’s safe to say that Illya’s childhood has taught him to be resourceful, self-reliant and wary of close connections. So he goes to Cambridge, does his Masters, does his PhD., goes back to the USSR and joins the Navy, then somehow goes from the Navy to UNCLE (in an implausibly short space of time). That’s not my concern here - what I am interested in is how his transfer from the Soviet branch of UNCLE to the New York HQ is effected. 

To me, Illya is a gay character. I’d go so far as to say he’s coded as such, even if not deliberately. I won’t go into detail about that because I could write a whole post about it I think. Somehow, I think he is outed during his time with the Soviet UNCLE branch; this puts him in danger. He’s a good agent - one of their best - Waverly will have heard of him. Where Beldon fits into all this I’m not quite sure, because I got so carried away with making these headcanons that I forgot about him! But I’m sure he fits in somewhere. But I digress. UNCLE in the USSR are at a loss what to do with Illya: they can’t keep him, but he’s too valuable an asset to lose. It’s like Christmas has come early for Waverly! I’m sure he can’t get in there fast enough, to say oh well I can take him off your hands, there’s an opening in Research here in New York, or something along those lines. Maybe Illya is sent to Beldon first; but I do think Beldon and Waverly are in cahoots about getting Illya over to the USA. They probably fight over him a bit; he’s highly qualified, has excellent Survival School records, can pull the Weirdest stunts, speaks God knows how many languages.

Illya is undoubtedly in a terrifying situation; not only is his career on the line, but potentially his life as well. I don’t think anyone at the New York UNCLE branch knows he’s An Homosexual, barring Waverly (and Napoleon, eventually, of course) - but this places Waverly in a position of extreme power over Illya - and yet how can Illya be anything but loyal to this benefactor? Illya knows he is in Waverly’s debt, and that his entire position depends on Waverly’s discretion. Illya had been in danger; communications were made from East to West and back again, strings were pulled, and Illya has been quickly and quietly removed from the USSR and joined the ranks of Waverly’s remarkably devoted base of agents. It’s a win-win-win situation: Illya is saved from awkwardness at best and physical danger at worst and has a chance to put his talents as an Enforcement Agent to better use; the Soviet UNCLE folks have got rid of their outed gay agent without a scandal; Waverly has a shiny new agent. And sure, then Illya is partnered with Napoleon, everyone lives happily ever after.

But it’s Waverly’s motives that bother me; I can only speak about Illya and Napoleon because we don’t know much about any other agents, but he’s taken them both at times of great vulnerability and placed them undeniably in his debt. He’s indoctrinated Napoleon with his own ideals at a time when Napoleon was desperate for ideals, and he’s placed himself in a position of power over Illya by being his sole rescuer. He’s effectively secured both their loyalties. On a scale of Albus Dumbledore to Harold Dobey, Alexander Waverly is firmly up there with Dumbledore.

I don’t believe UNCLE is an ideologically pure organisation. I’m sure it was started with the best of intentions, but its entire motive runs on one perspective of right vs. wrong. World peace is a worthy goal - I’m sure it’s what Napoleon signed up for when he joined. But Waverly is a hard-moulded spy left over from the war. Espionage to him is uncompromising; he’ll do anything, and sacrifice anything, for the cause. For what he sees as right. He sees no need to bother his agents with trivial details: all they need to know, as is frequently demonstrated in the show (I’m thinking very much of Foxes and Hounds and Deep Six here but there are many many other examples), is what their orders are. Any superfluous information is unnecessary. He keeps them in the dark, hides, lies, deflects.

When Napoleon comes to Waverly in Concrete Overcoat, he almost has to beg for his partner’s life; Illya is collateral damage in Waverly’s plan, and Napoleon’s faith in the man is, in my opinion, irreparably damaged. When Napoleon is reported dead, by his partner of four years, in The Maze Affair, Waverly’s response is first one of shock, and then one of mild inconvenience. 

“Oh. Very well,” he says.