#the first picture anw

[chevanlier]

just sword leaders as johan deckmann’s unhinged one-liners

via: @johandeckmann & @thashyne on instagram

[mmmmuffins]

thinking about the time i made a gojo presentation for my cca bc some people said i liked him for his looks

[churipu]

Hi! ☺️ First and foremost, I hope you're doing well. Also, I just recently found your page and I love your writing!

I really liked your post on the super sensitive reader with the jjk men. Can I get headcanons of the jjk men with reader who is very stoic and a little emotionally constipated? Like they have never seen reader cry ever while in their relationship together, but then reader ends up having a hard week and ends up crying from frustration.

jjk men & their emotionally constipated partner

featuring. shiu kong, itadori yuuji, todo aoi, geto suguru x reader

warnings. cursing and jjk men being sweet and soft to their partner <;33

note. hi anon! i'm doing great, hbu love? thank you for liking my works, you don't know how much that means to me, i hope you have a great day! and thank you for requesting, i find this request very interesting <33 also, thank you guys for the big amount of support i've been receiving for the last two days, can you imagine i gained like 140+ followers in that matter of time? i'm going to start violently sobbing istg. anw, i hope u sexies enjoy this <33

SHIU KONG. shiu loves you a lot, even if you struggle in showing the love back to him, he knows you love him a lot. shiu would receive random messages (mostly a picture of something and then you tell him that it reminded you of him, probably deemed as your love language now). i feel like shiu is partly happy that you don't take things into the heart - but at times he'd be very worried about you. you never cry, you almost never get angry at him even if he did something wrong (you'd just tell him it's nothing and you weren't mad, but he sometimes think it's because you didn't want to engage yourself in arguments), and hell, he barely sees you smile at all.

shiu has heard you tell stories about your new work place, which you quote unquote as toxic. and you've been in the company for no longer than three months, but the stories about your very annoying co-worker and your boss never stops. he swore that the topic of your work place was the only thing that could get you riled up.

i feel like shiu would be the type of boyfriend who would tell you to stop working because he's financially stable enough to provide for you, but you decline telling him that you didn't want to live off of him.

shiu didn't force you to stop or quit your job though, he'd be glad to listen to you talk about your days at work.

"y/n? you're ho— darling, what happened?" he saw the solemn look on your face and realized that something must have happened (yet again) at your work place, he dropped the cigar that was lodged in between his lips and immediately approached you.

you shook your head, inhaling sharply before kicking off your shoes, "work, of course."

"is it your boss? or that same co-worker again?" shiu knew that it was either your boss or this one co-worker who doesn't seem to enjoy your presence in the office.

"both." you sat down on the couch, throwing your head back in exhaustion (you were about to cry and the only way to stop your tears from coming out was to just force it back in with your head back), "i'm getting my paycheck reduced this month."

shiu took a seat next to you, "why?"

"i was blamed for something my co-worker did, this is so unfair," your voice cracked a little and shiu pulled you into a hug, you choked out a sob, "this is so unfair," you muttered out, your pent out anger and disappointment finally seeping out in a form of tears.

"hey, shh..." he soothes you, pulling back to see your tearful eyes. he grazed over your cheek to wipe the droplets away, "let me take care of them, yeah?"

you shook your head, "don't have to, i don't want to make this into a bigger mess."

shiu planted a kiss on your forehead, "don't worry about it darling, you trust me, don't you?"

"yes."

shiu had a "talk" with your boss and your co-worker the very next day and your co-worker ended up resigning right after, and your boss, well they never bothered you anymore (and you're getting an extra paycheck for the next half a year).

ITADORI YUUJI. people always wonder how you and itadori ended up with each other. him being this ray of sunshine, and you were like the moon. but he didn't care about what everyone says, he loves you — and that's what matter, right?

wrong. don't think that you didn't notice the enormous shit talking about you behind your back, about how you probably bribed itadori into dating you and what not. usually, you'd shove all those down the drain and forget about it.

but for some reason, you couldn't help but to rethink about what they said. how itadori isn't too fit for you, or how you don't deserve him at all. the only thing that managed to trigger you was how somebody said that itadori deserves someone more "emotionally available" for him, and that person isn't you.

you never liked being emotionally constipated, people always talk about you behind your back, saying how you're so distant and that being the reason you don't have any friends. you keep telling yourself that you're used to it when it comes to you, but when it comes to itadori and your relationship — you feel helpless.

"y/n? are you okay?"

you looked up at him, a glint of worry flashing in his eyes. and you can't help but to feel the frustration building in you as you remember the words people say to you, "yes..no? i don't kno—" you choked out, smacking your hand on top of your mouth at the sound you let out.

it just got worse when you feel the tears you've been penting up for the past few weeks come out. itadori blinked feverishly, a little surprised to see you crying like this. he has never seen you cry before, "y/n..?" he breathes out, his hand reaching out to you, but you moved back, trying to avoid his touch.

the embarrassment you felt was horrid, you hated crying in front of people, even your own boyfriend, "baby," itadori mutters out seriously, grabbing your arms and then pulling them away from your face, "tell me what's wrong. talk to me."

i feel like he knew where this was going, he had a hunch. for the past few weeks, you asked him about why he was with you, why he loves you when there were better people out there (you think). and he knew it was because of what people said.

"i...i just don't think i'm the right one for you, yuuji. they're right, you need a more emotionally available partner."

itadori's face fell when you said that, and he shook his head, pulling you into his embrace. rocking back and forth like a baby, "why would you say that? why would you listen to them y/n?" he asks quietly.

"i...don't know."

he pulled away, brows furrowed and he held your shoulders, "you're perfect for me, i don't give a fuck what they said about you and i. the next time someone says something, i'm going to beat them up," the thing is, he looked so serious you couldn't help but to chuckle.

"you just chuckled.." he breathes out, "my life is complete."

TODO AOI. he's very boisterous, and i feel like he'd be the type of person who would defend his partner everywhere they go. when you accepted his feelings, he was surprised since he never expected you to like someone like him. but he was pretty damn proud of you, and as a boyfriend, he shows you off like a trophy.

telling people about how amazing you are, how you make him happy, or how you treat him nicely. but people are fucking judgmental, some of them don't like the idea of others living happily — and you never thought that "these" particular people would target you next for it.

saying how fucking weird todo is for liking someone like you, and you had to be honest, it did get into you. and so began your avoidance to your own boyfriend, todo.

he hates it. he hated how you changed out of the blue, no matter how hard he tries to reach out for you, you weren't the same anymore and he never got why you decided to change.

believe me when i say that he tried asking his friends about it, or about tips to get you to talk to him. but really, they weren't much of a help, saying how you probably got bored and is avoiding him so he would be the one to break up first with you.

todo didn't want to let the idea of that get into him, but after a few weeks of you avoiding him non-stop, he began thinking the same thing. were you bored of him? did he do something that you didn't like? or is it because he ate the last chocolate chip cookie you were saving up and blamed it on someone else?

so when he got the chance to bump into you, he immediately took it as a chance to ask you about it.

"why are you avoiding me?" you tried ending the conversation right away by going the other way, but man is fast fast so he didn't let you — still wanting to know about the sudden change in your behavior.

todo knows how you didn't like being cornered, or how you don't like talking about the relationship, sappy shit. but if he didn't talk to you about this, todo knew he was going to regret it.

"y/n," he grabbed the back of your collar, pulling you back lightly, "did i do something wrong?"

you were silent for a few seconds before todo's ears perked up at the sound of soft, choked out sobs. you were crying. you were crying. and the panic sinks in, "i..i'm sorry, did i pull on your collar too hard?!" he panics, flailing his arms.

you shook your head, "...no, i'm sorry for avoiding you."

todo stopped his panicking and stood up straight, "i couldn't stop thinking about what people have to say about us, and now that i think about it, i feel like you deserve more than me," todo widened his eyes and looked around.

"who the fuck said that? i'm going to beat them up so bad people won't recognize them," todo mutters out and the corner of your lips tugged upward, "is that why you're avoiding me?"

you nod, "it was wrong. i know i should've said something about it. i'm sorry for avoiding you."

todo laid his hand on top of your head, brushing your h/c softly with a gentle smile, "you're perfect for me, fuck those people," he cusses out, "next time you hear em', don't forget to find out their names— i'm going to give them a lesson for it."

SUGURU GETO. suguru and you are like two peas in a pod. people never see him without you and vice versa, and often people would say that you both are the perfect couple. despite your personalities almost being the same type of calm, suguru is a calm man, and he's soft spoken. while you were just plain cold and stoic, rarely speak of something or even show your emotions.

someone bothering you? okay. someone making fun of you? okay. you were practically a walking definition of "i give zero fucks". but that doesn't mean you can't feel hurt, you are still human after all.

so when suguru told you about how he has a new co-worker, and how she has been clinging onto him, how she tries to get in his pants. you find it cute how he tells you about it, even telling you that you should come to his workplace so he could show you off.

you didn't feel anything because you trusted him. until you see the so called "co-worker" of his. she's pretty, you can't deny that. and you could see how she gets along with almost everyone, having no problem in instigating a conversation or complimenting people. people definitely like her.

that's where the insecurity began sinking in.

would suguru fall for her like everyone in his workplace does? would he leave you for her? so many questions you wanted to find the answer to.

"baby?"

you look at him, completely out of your daydream. he cocks his head to the side, "are you okay? you've been zoning out a lot lately..." he said, voice gentle and worried.

you nodded, "yeah. sorry. got a lot in my mind."

"do you want to talk about it?" he brushes a few h/c strands from covering your face, "you've been a little distant. is it something that i did, baby?"

god, just the thought of suguru thinking it was him made you a little sensitive. the past few weeks was already hard enough for you to contain yourself from breaking down, and him asking that made the tears you held in for so long drop out all at once.

suguru was a little taken aback and he sat straight up, alarmed, "y/n? baby? what's wrong?" he asks you gently, wiping the tears that never ceased from your face.

"i feel..i feel like i'm not enough. you deserve better than me, suguru." suguru swallowed the lump in his throat, he should've known, ever since you came to his workplace, you had started getting distant. and he should've known that was the reason.

suguru shook his head, cupping your face before giving you soft little kisses all over your face, "don't" a kiss on your forehead. "you" a kiss on your left cheek. "dare" a kiss on your right cheek. "say" a kiss on your nose. "that" a kiss on your chin.

the male gazes into your eyes deeply, "i love you," he softly said before planting a kiss on your lips, "you're the one i want, you're perfect for me. i can't see my future without you y/n, so please don't think about that..."

© CHURIPU 2023 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE !

[verinarin]

First time requesting 😭 but anw sleepy cuddles with veritas? not yet officially an item but reader is always very very very clingy to him whenever they’re sleepy and he just finds it ridiculously endearing and realizes he has a thing for them a lot against all odds

this!!, since we all know Veritas has an interesting way to show how he cares about others (lovingly criticise them), he definitely is the type to show that he cares rather than just blatantly say it

fluff | Veritas’ sleepy TA that keeps sleeping on the job; he doesn’t mind the occasional rest though-

You have always been the type of person who likes to do practically everything on the floor or lying down, even though Veritas has given you your desk in his vast office you can’t help but end up scattering the countless mathematical questions and formulas on the floor

You’re his current and only TA, he entrusted you to help him grade his students and sometimes cover for him if he’s needed elsewhere so it is no secret to anyone that your daily activities mostly consist of working in his office, today was no different

Even though Veritas is currently needed to delegate for the IPC, his job as a scholar can’t be postponed, so here are you late at night preparing the materials for tomorrow in case he asks you to cover for him again, his students don’t mind his absence anyways, they even rejoice every time you’re covering for him

Feeling restless on the floor you decide to close your eyes, perhaps taking a simple power nap before resuming your work would energise you, so you simply lay on the floor with papers scattered around you, using your arms as a makeshift pillow, forgetting the fact that you hadn’t set your 30 minutes alarm-

Hours pass by as you sleep blissfully unaware that you have just arrived back at his office, his face paints a picture of a distraught expression. His faithful assistant sleeping soundlessly on the floor, he took mental notes to put carpet on the floor tomorrow so you could comfortably work in the position you like the most

He simply sighed as he sat down beside you, carefully lifting your head and placing it on his thigh, his eyes scanned the papers around you, seemingly impressed by your preparation. He took multiple papers and carefully reviewed them, while doing so he can’t help but play with your hair, it seems that you have overworked yourself since you aren’t aware of your current position

After approximately 45 minutes you slowly regain your consciousness, the first thing you feel his fingers running through your hair, you flutter your eyes open to reveal Veritas idly reading the materials you prepared, “Oh someone decides to wake up,” he scoffs

You quickly straighten your body feeling rather embarrassed at the position you are in, “How long did I fall asleep on your lap ?” you ask, your hand holding the back of your neck as you meekly smile

“Approximately 45 minutes, I’m the one who situated your head on my lap. Hope you’re not uncomfortable by my gesture,” he replies, putting your papers back on the floor as his eyes turn towards you

“Of course not it’s just embarrassing,” you laugh, suddenly you feel his hand grasping your wrist, pulling you in. Your head lands straight to his chest, while his other hand swiftly lift you to his lap via your waist, “You can continue to rest, while I review your work,” he candidly replies

Your face turns into an indescribable hue of red, he finds this to be endearing. You may not realise it but you have this tendency to accidentally fall asleep against him while waiting for his assessment of your work, you like to mumble things like how warm he is or how comfortable he is.

He deems this as you being half asleep and lacking the comprehension to know what’s real and what’s not, so he never bothered to tell you this. He likes to act dumb when you wake up in a daze, not knowing you were cuddling his arm earlier, “Is something the matter ? speak if there is something on your mind,”

You can’t help but stumble upon your words not knowing what to say, “You overstimulated that brain of yours, best for you to rest and to stop wasting my time by uttering inaudible words,” he scoffs as he pats your head, his eyes still trained on your work

[saerins]

PREV: #004 THIS SPARK, IS IT REAL? 𖧧 #005 THE ICE SURRENDERS 𖧧 NEXT: #006 COMFORT IN FAMILIARITY ꒰ series masterlist ꒱

꒰ঌꨄ︎໒꒱ — the closer you get to itoshi sae, the closer you are to the part of it all that you’d rather skip: your mother, your problems, your baggage.

content: itoshi sae x female reader. fluff/angst. tw: reader’s mom—calls her a whore. profanity, verbal abuse, switching povs, jealousy, unrequited love, making out. word count: 9.6k

༝༚༝༚ sorry for the absurdly long wait !!! as you know i was sick and out of it for the past week so this chapter was difficult to get out :( but anw it's here :) gimme a while more for those of you who asked for extras hehe but i hope you guys enjoy this for now !! mwah ily

“who? that guy that you’re always reported with?”

bianca sighs, her bad mood more than obvious to her manager, who’s been with her for three years now. considering she’s been there since her career started, bianca’s not surprised she can tell her moods from just a single look.

“yeah, he’s been… cold lately.”

at least, bianca seems to think so. sae hasn’t been this cold to her since they first got close. she’s biting on her lips, staring at their message thread, her messages going unresponded for a while now.

“bianca, you like him, right?”

her manager’s question goes unresponded, bianca’s lips tightly sealed. but that’s enough of an answer for her.

“why don’t you just tell him? who knows he might like you too? you two spend a lot of time together for two busy people.”

the words give her hope, but it’s not very many. bianca had hoped that after at least a year and more of getting to know each other that maybe sae would start to feel something, anything. it doesn’t look like it. he’s never once initiated hanging out with her, and no matter how many times she’s bugged him for something as simple as, for example, wearing his jerseys, he wouldn’t even budge.

what if people misunderstand, his lousy excuse. isn’t that just another way to say he doesn’t even want it?

“are you sure he’s not just busy?” her manager asks again upon her silence.

sure, that is the logical train of thought. sae’s one of the best midfielders the world has ever seen. not even counting that, he’s beautiful—a face and body that many brands would want to invest in, want help to sell their brand with. it’s entirely plausible that he has a packed schedule, and bianca would think that, if not for the fact that he’s been acting weird lately.

sae always plans his sleep—that’s why he refused her invitation to meet with her friends that night, isn’t it? he was tired and wanted to sleep, but he showed up the next day looking exhausted, more than bianca’s ever seen. apart from that, he even followed that mystery girl from that night; bianca recognises you from your profile picture.

who are you, exactly?

bianca finds herself scrolling through your profile—she already has your username memorised somehow. you don’t post much, and you don’t really post anything with anybody, just things like scenery from work travels and activities like baking, and you’re not tagged in much either, except for this one girl named sumi. still, all she’s able to gather from you is your name and that you work at a sports magazine.

is that all you want from sae? interviews and favours?

it better be.

“anyway,” bianca’s manager sighs as she prepares to go home for the day, having settled everything else regarding bianca’s schedule. “you have the whole week free after tomorrow, you should go to japan and surprise him if you want. maybe take some of that anxiety off,” she suggests, noting that bianca’s face will be perpetually pouting if she doesn’t get to the root of her questions.

on the couch, bianca sits up, the idea registering in her head, grinning from ear to ear. “you’re right,” she agrees, immediately making arrangements to fly to tokyo. “i’ll do just that.”

she’ll go to tokyo, she’ll talk to sae and try to wring it out of him. if it really is nothing, then great, but bianca’s already planning her next course of action if it isn’t.

bianca doesn’t know who you are just yet, but one thing she wants you to get clear in your head: sae is hers and hers alone.

maybe not now, but one day she’ll make it happen. and until then, she doesn’t want anyone to cut in.

you blink and stare in shock as you see the heart on your screen. it must be accidental. has to be. sae doesn’t look like the type to send hearts. you shake it off, bringing yourself back down to earth.

it’s the next day after your drinking session with otoya and the others. your mind’s pretty hazy; you don’t really remember much especially on the later half of the night—you only remember taking a leap of faith and dragging sae into seven minutes of heaven with you. you’re sure you did nothing at all, except talk, but even what you talked about is pretty foggy. what you do remember is that he said he isn’t involved with anyone. you smile just thinking of it.

maybe it’s stupid, possibly falling head over heels for someone like sae who has many more admirers than you can imagine, but you can’t stop yourself from seeing the signs that he’s sending you.

just his texts are proof alone—you know he’s not someone who wastes his time on people he doesn’t see in his future. and you want to think that he’s not treating you like this over something as simple as pure friendship. but you don’t want to get your hopes up. you don’t think you’ll actually believe it until he tells you himself.

after all, there’s still the whole thing with bianca. even if he says he’s not involved with anyone, with the way all the other guys talk about her and sae, you can’t help but feel there’s something more there. but maybe that’s not something you have to concern yourself with for now.

yeah, because right now, there’s an even bigger monster that stands on the other side of your door, pounding on it like the world will end if you don’t answer her. her shrill voice is enough to give you headaches that could last a year, and her demands—even worse.

“i swear to god, y/n, if you don’t open this damn door before they get here i’m gonna kill you myself!”

four minutes now that you’ve been ignoring her. she hasn’t stopped to take a breath. it must be really urgent. she must’ve screwed up really bad. again. you’re pretty tired of it. you wish you’d given up on her already. sometimes.

there’s a stack of cash in your hands that you’re fiddling with. your hard-earned money. yours to supposedly spend as you please. supposedly. but what’s yours hasn’t been completely yours for a while now.

begrudgingly, you yank the door open, your eyes just short of a speck of anger—your mother’s wide eyes are much worse, not a speck of affection for her own daughter. you wonder why your own flesh and blood looks at you like that. you remember how kind sae’s eyes are; why can someone like him look at you like that while your own mother looks like… this?

“here. payment for this month, like i said,” you huff, nearly earning yourself a slap across the face again, except your mother’s holding it in. probably for a more appropriate time.

“not enough. need a bit more.”

you squint your eyes at her in disbelief. “you borrowed even more? we can barely afford—”

“then make yourself of use like your father was!” she cuts in, the disdain in her voice clear, like the day used to be. “really, all you need to do is not be a bitch by talking back and you can’t even do that. i should’ve aborted you when i got the chance.”

she spits those words out as if there was never a day that she loved you. she says them as if she was forced to have you. she storms off as if she has any right to demand you for anything.

you shouldn’t be abiding by them, but you can’t help it. the old picture of you and your parents when you were ten sits sourly at the edge of your study table, their once perfect smiles all smeared by recent memories, fading away as if they were just a fever dream.

“mom and dad will always love you, okay?”

is it a crime to want that loving woman back?

eita would be a good person to talk to about all this, given he knows a fair amount, but he doesn’t know how truly bad your mother’s gotten, and you’re not sure you want him to. you’ve burdened him enough, making him constantly worry about you even when he’s busy, and you’re not sure how much of it you can take from him without starting to feel guilty all over again.

and a part of you wants to warn sae that if he doesn’t want anything bad staining his reputation that he should stay away from you. but there’s the dominant part of you that wants to pursue what you want, without guilt or having to think about others, that wants to give yourself a chance at what makes you happy.

your mother has a tendency of taking them all away though. it wouldn’t be the first time.

for the first time, you find yourself wanting to count on someone other than eita, and for entirely different reasons. you’re texting the person who makes your heart beat faster without a second thought.

your fingers hover hesitantly over the send button. your mind plays the memories with shiro all over again. he used to give you the same feelings sae did. he used to make you think he was all green flags and clear skies and it’s eerily similar to what you feel now.

can you really trust yourself with this?

clumsily, your thumb deletes everything, putting in its place a lame excuse—i’m just feeling the monday blues kicking in early, save me.

maybe one day you’ll trust him enough to tell him about it. yeah, one day.

“why haven’t you told him yet?” eita asks you the next day, when you’ve given up holding strong in your house and decided to defect to his.

you’re out on his balcony, leaning against the back of the chair, enjoying the rare chilly weather of the afternoon. eita’s beside you, barely awake because he always sleeps in and today you just so happened to intrude on some of that time.

sae, for the most part, entertains you whenever he’s free, even now he’s still replying you. but no matter how good your life gets, you can’t get the ick of staying with someone who doesn’t really love you away. hence why you’re here, seeking escape once again. albeit in a different way than you used to.

although, with all the questioning you’re receiving, you think maybe you should’ve just toughed it out. still, you should’ve expected this topic to come up sooner or later. it’s not unreasonable for eita to get worried when you seem to be seeking him out more than usual anyway.

you sigh, it’s a headache that you’re too used to blocking out that when eita asks you about it you’re not too ready to answer him. “and say what? ‘hey, by the way, my mother’s a perpetual gambling addict who will ruin your entire reputation if word gets out at all’? no thank you.”

there’s a small pause when eita thinks your words through.

“what, you didn’t think of the same thing when hanging out with me?”

you look pointedly at him, arms crossed, wind swirling through your hair. “that’s different, we’re best friends, eita.”

eita chuckles, stretching his hand out and laying his head against it on the wooden table, staring at you. “what’s this now? so you got a crush on sae, huh?”

fuck. you curse at yourself internally when you realise what you’d just confessed to.

“didn’t know you two were even talking,” eita mumbles, maybe to himself with how soft he is right now. “guess it makes sense. that guy wouldn’t have taken care of you the whole night if there wasn’t something going on.”

you mirror eita’s position, looking back at him. “don’t tell me too much, but… is he like this with bianca too?”

yeah, you hate yourself for asking about that to someone who’s not sae, but you want to know what eita thinks. because unlike oliver and the others, you trust eita.

there’s a look that he gives you that you’re not too sure what to make of. it’s gentle, and a little unlike him that you might confuse him for actually being half-asleep and caught in his dreams. but he shrugs, looking away, “i mean, there’s a difference in the way he takes care of you two. if you ask me, if bianca asked him to stay he probably wouldn’t. if it came from you, i think he would.”

eita wants to do the opposite, lie a little and maybe turn you away from his friend. but it’s you. it’s someone he could never lie to. not anymore. and he’d rather stay your best friend than get blacklisted for lying to you.

he sees you heaving a sigh of relief.

“you really like him, huh?” he meant to say that in his head, but the words just roll off his tongue.

there’s a lot of other things you’d usually say to distract him and force a change in subject, but given how much you’re already keeping from him about how bad your mother’s really gotten, you feel like you owe him some form of transparency somewhere, as thanks for keeping you sane most of the time.

“yeah, i think so,” you say, the only hesitation in your voice coming from the fact that you’re not sure if you should be telling eita about this.

for his part, he isn’t falling apart. maybe because all along he knew somewhat that this day would come and that he still wouldn’t be ready, still wouldn’t be able to say he wants one person and one person only. but you’re already there. you’ve always been.

“first time you feeling this way?”

“eita, let’s not go there.”

“why not?”

you stop the conversation from going too quickly, regaining the balance. “so… it was true, then?” there’s a reason you say it in past tense. you hope it’s not still true, from a selfish perspective.

eita’s forced laughter is enough of an answer. he still graces you with an answer. “it still is, i guess.”

for the first time ever, the both of you are addressing this. a few years too late, admittedly, but considering you’re two people who hate being straight with each other about these things, it’s progress.

you remember the day the signs got too real to ignore. it was the day you ran. it was the day eita denied everything because he didn’t want you to but still lost you.

A FEW YEARS BACK

“yeah? you’re not gonna even tell me that things between us are off?” he spat, the frustration seeping through his voice, disdain on every syllable.

eita never used that tone of voice on you until that moment.

it was raining again. just like that night he first kissed you. you thought it would forever mean nothing, you thought it would be something comfortable—for the both of you. something with nothing attached.

“answer me, then. you really gonna date that fucker shiro of all people?”

eita was young, and his fame was steadily rising. he had multiple people throwing themselves at him, wanting anything he could offer and yet everything he was offering to you, you threw away.

not that you necessarily knew what was going on in eita’s head, but given how you were acting, you might have an idea. that was why, right? that was why you were pulling away.

there’s thunder, and dozens of cars passing by, rainwater covering the both of you from head to toe because eita saw you for the first time in weeks and he just couldn’t wait to talk to you any longer. you had been avoiding him for so long now, were you even friends anymore?

your normal cheerful expression was clouded over, your glare more than enough warning that he shouldn’t be doing all of this but eita wasn’t going to stop no matter what. not until he got everything out. he was going to wait until you responded to him because you were apparently so fucking good at avoiding people.

“and how is that any of your business?”

eita barely recognised the person talking to him. since when did you learn to hate him that much?

“oh, i’m sorry, i must’ve missed the fucking memo that we weren’t talking or fucking anymore,” eita spat, the sarcasm dripping off his tongue something he used to use on everyone but you. not now, though. he was too angry for that.

you scoffed, walking one, two steps forward, both of you just an arm’s length apart. “then hear this, eita: we’re not fuck buddies anymore, and i have a boyfriend, so just stay away, okay?”

there were multiple voices in his head screaming not to say what he wanted to say at that moment, screaming at him that he would regret it, but he didn’t listen. his eyes wide, a sneer on his face; he was determined to look more vindictive than you were right then. “oh wow, y/n, didn’t know you were such a slut like your mom, giving it to whoever has more moneybags,” he mocked, more than aware of the hurt in your eyes but his temper was bad, and he couldn’t stop himself. “you know what? maybe you deserve all this shit, then, since you’re the same.”

the slap you gave him that day was the second hardest you’d given him in your life, maybe because a part of you was too distraught hearing those words from him that you weren’t in your best condition. that, and maybe the rain. but you ran away crying, as much as you tried to hide it. but eita had been in this position before, had seen what you looked like while running in the rain with tears in your eyes though you tried to mask them as the rainwater. you never liked to cry in front of him, and you never did.

and then, he was the reason you cried. the one person who you thought would never do that.

that night, as you ran straight into your boyfriend’s arms, you thought maybe you deserved it for not being able to deal with other people’s feelings properly. it wasn’t eita’s fault for having emotions, and it most certainly wasn’t his fault that he didn’t want to tell you about it. but you could feel it.

you felt it in the way he tried to hold your hand while walking alone. you felt it in the way he tried to hug you to sleep after he fucked you senseless. you felt it in the way he wasn’t seeing anyone else anymore. it wasn’t that you didn’t care about him, but with everything that was going on, emotions aren’t such a simple thing that you could handle, after all. especially if you didn’t feel the same way.

it was supposed to be a pair of best friends, using each other, nothing more and nothing less and you couldn’t take the heat when you felt eita wanting more. maybe you should’ve done it differently. maybe. and it was funny that you could tell how he felt about you yet at the moment, you couldn’t tell if he meant what he said.

and maybe if you knew better, you would've asked. no, if you knew better, you would've talked to him about it.

but it was all too late.

PRESENT

“oi, snap out of it.”

eita’s normal snappy voice brings you back to where you are, in his balcony sitting and supposedly enjoying the view, because when you’re high up here it almost looks like you have no troubles in life—at least, not the ones you have.

“look, i’m not gonna ask you to ignore what i just said,” eita says, sighing before he looks you straight in the eyes, his green irises much warmer than they used to be. “but can i ask you a favour?”

it takes you a while to respond, only because you can’t tell what he wants from you. your mouth opens slowly and carefully, “what?”

eita scoffs, and this time it’s not in disgust and you can tell. you can tell his mannerisms a lot better now. maybe because you’re both adults, and more transparent. maybe because you both had already lost each other once and know what that felt like, and maybe you both don’t want it to happen ever again. you don’t really know about him, but to you, no one can replace him in your life. his presence is too significant for that.

“stop looking at me like i’m a lost puppy.” he’s scowling now, downturned lips softening just a little, into a pout.

you snort, containing your laughter. perhaps you’d been thinking a little too much about it that you’re starting to look at him with pity. “yeah, okay.”

“that isn’t the favour.”

“then what is?”

he carries a straight face as he talks to you now, his fingers coming up to flick you softly on the forehead. he’s always felt like family to you. sometimes you wish he was. and for his end, he looks at you, knowing that the emotions he has will forever go unreciprocated, and yet he can’t stop being dumb by trying anyway. he knows, already, just by looking at the difference in the way you treat sae, in the way you look at him. you’re so smitten, and if eita even stood a chance, you would’ve been together already. and sometimes he wonders if what he said that night was what pushed you over the edge, was what solidified him as nothing more than just a friend with a temper too harsh sometimes that you didn’t want to count on even if you had no one else.

there was a fault he could find in the way you pushed him away. but there’s more that he can find with himself for saying what he said to you. he still counts himself lucky you never held a grudge with him over that.

eita chuckles under his breath; he can’t believe he’s about to say something so corny but he doesn’t know how else to tell you. “i kinda don’t want our friendship to change,” he explains, and he has to look away because if you’re going to run away again, he doesn’t know how he’ll take it. you’re about the only person who knows every single side of him. sides he doesn’t normally show to people. “so… don’t fucking run away again, or treat me differently just ‘cause you know how i feel. that just makes me feel fucking pathetic.”

because he knows you only pushed him away since you couldn’t reciprocate. you weren’t a slut, and you surely didn’t deserve any of your unfortunate circumstances—nothing he said that night was true. you only had good intentions, and the words that came out his mouth were only bad.

even until now, he hadn’t apologised.

yet here you are. smiling in front of him, for him, because of him. despite everything shitty going on in your life, here he is, asking you for a favour. and you’re nodding your head, preserving the friendship that you needed to stay a friendship, just like you’ve always been.

“okay, i promise,” you say, a childish smirk on your face as you hold your pinky out, to which he obliges and hooks his own around.

“you’re so dumb, i wonder what he sees in you,” eita sighs as he yanks his pinky away.

you’re laughing, the earlier bad memory already whisked away by the sunlight hitting  your face. “who?”

“sae.” you freeze on eita’s words, but eita does you a favour and pretends he doesn’t see, doesn’t tease you about it. he wants to know about all of this, even if it’s just from the jealous perspective of being the throwaway option. “he treats you like…”

“like what?” your voice quivers a little, because you’re nervous. you always are when it comes to itoshi sae, somehow. (you won’t admit that right in front of the man himself though, too embarrassing.)

“like he likes you.” eita has to swallow the lump in his throat. it sucks to be talking to you about this, to possibly be talking this guy up, but he knows you need a friend. and he knows you don’t open up easily, so he has to be your best option. eita looks at you out of the corner of his eye, wondering if you’d open up a little bit more.

there’s a faraway gaze in your eyes. “eita?”

“yeah?”

this time, that gaze focuses on him, a warm, sad smile on your face. looks like the pity hasn’t fully worn off, but he’ll excuse it this time.

“thanks,” you say, so softly.

looks like you aren’t really ready to talk about it yet. eita rolls his eyes jokingly; trying to be just a best friend seems pretty hard after all. “stop being a sappy piece of shit,” he groans, earning a giggle from you.

somehow it feels nice, being able to take away some of that pain, even if just for a small moment. though, maybe you’d have an easier time around sae, if you would just learn to open up.

“and hey, if you’re still too scared to tell him about any of it, you can still find me, ‘kay?” he tells you, and you nod appreciatively. you probably just see him as a big brother by now. “and if your mom’s still giving you trouble, come by anytime, i’ve been too busy nowadays to bring anyone home anyway.”

you gasp, acting shocked. “oh really? wow, a changed man.”

“mhm mhm, i just fuck ‘em in the club.”

your playful jab on his arm comes faster than it usually does.

you wonder if you can ever repay eita for everything he’s done for you—be your punching bag, letting you stay at his house rent-free sometimes, accidentally ruin his date night others. you think of how he feels about you and you think probably not. you probably can’t ever repay him for how much sanity he’s given you back when you were at your lowest. so maybe you’ll start by not running away this time.

but your mind drifts to his words. you’re going to have to tell sae some time, but you know how it turned out the last time you told someone with such a high status about it. you remember how shiro turned out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, how his warm demeanour changed when it suited him, how he used everything to lord over you.

you wonder if sae will be the same. you don’t even know if these feelings are fleeting or not. are they even worth it?

is sae going to be worth a try? or is he just going to turn out just like shiro?

yeah, you’ll take your time telling him. you want to get to know him, so it’s hypocrisy from your end, but if he’s a good guy, he wouldn’t mind waiting—that’s what you tell yourself, because like hell do you want him to know about your family as you are now. pathetic, scrimping from paycheck to paycheck, desperately clawing your way up into a normal class. next to him, you’re too inadequate. 

but then, why is your gut telling you otherwise?

sumi comes bounding in on monday morning, straight to your desk after her morning meeting with the boss. she looks exceptionally happy today, her eyes beaming bright and her smile nearly infectious.

“i swear to god, i think my hard work is paying off!” she exclaims excitedly, careful to keep her voice down even then. she bites on her lower lip, suppressing a grin when she passes you a proposal she’d done up.

on the first page, it’s titled as such: proposal, by suzuki sumi. when you flip to the second page, you’re overwhelmed by a huge close-up picture of one of the top players in soccer right now—isagi yoichi. she giggles when she sees your face contort in surprise, nodding in excitement.

“let’s just say, thanks to a friend of a friend, i managed to talk to isagi at the airport and he personally agreed to do an interview with us,” she proudly explains, answering your unspoken questions. she’s already happily chattering away about her plans for when his interview’s booked—which you learn is still a few weeks away, and may be delayed depending on whether his schedule has any last minute changes.

“that’s lucky,” you comment, passing her proposal back to her. there’s pages and pages of meticulously planned questions and interview segments, along with possible video footage they could do to add onto the company’s youtube account. sumi’s obviously enthusiastic about all of this, more than you’ve ever seen her since you first spoke to her.

it’s nice to see sumi finally happy for once, given how hard she’s been working at this company. she’s the first friendly face you saw when you first came here anyway, and had it not been for her, your work life probably wouldn’t feel as warm as you do now.

“i know, right?” she sighs, content, dreaming about how the interview would go already, about how happy the boss will be with her once their numbers skyrocket. after the lifeline you threw for them by somehow getting to know itoshi sae, it’s been hard for anyone else to keep up. she smirks at you, “remember what i said on your first day here?”

sumi had said a lot of things, actually. most of which were mostly gossip and not actual work, but you can guess what she’s hinting to. “yeah, that it pays to have connections, right?”

you remember those words, only because you’d unintentionally thought back to eita once she’d said them. your attention flits back to sumi, who looks wantonly relieved—she must’ve really been worried for herself then, considering how bad the job market is right now. she never told you, but you could sense she’d been worried about her performance, and whether or not she’d get enough bonus this year to have that dream wedding she’d always cooned over.

“mhm, and you have two indispensable ones yourself,” she points out, winking, taking a sip of her coffee. “otoya eita and itoshi sae, while i’ve just now gotten isagi yoichi.”

she spends the later part of the morning texting you about how she’ll need your help to pull it off, while you juggle work, sumi and apparently sae at the same time, because for some reason, he’s gotten real chatty over the weekend. not that it’s unwelcome—it’s a pleasant surprise.

right, because when you’re out with sae, who has a heck of a pr team—people who make sure to keep him in line, you’ll have to be careful. you can’t let just anyone see you out and about with him, not when he has a ton of crazed fans who would probably butcher you just for dating rumours. your mind drifts off, wondering how bianca deals with it. though, considering she comes from a long line of famous figures, you guess she’s used to it, having to grow up with all that attention around you.

you look at the clock—it’s around ten minutes till your work day ends. your heart speeds up at the notion of seeing him again, even if it’s only been two days since you’d seen him last. you wonder how you’re going to survive if he has to be away for months at a time for his games if you’re already yearning to see him this much now. shaking the feeling off, you straighten up, retreating to the bathroom to freshen up before you go.

at the same time, parked in the corner lot, sae stares at the caller ID on his phone as it vibrates, surprised. he picks it up, wondering why she’s calling when it’s probably late wherever she is.

“hey, it’s your favourite girl,” bianca’s voice squeals over the line. “guess what?”

“what is it?” sae is, for the most part, not too surprised. bianca has a habit of calling him a lot of the time. more and more frequently nowadays. he wonders why.

“i’m in japan right now,” she reveals, giggling, and sae finds a bad feeling dawning over him. “pick me up? i just got to the airport.”

“sorry, can’t pick you up tonight.”

“what? i thought you’re gonna be in japan for a while.” he can just hear the disappointment in her voice.

“yeah, but i’m busy now, so…” sae trails off, not knowing exactly if he should say anything about you.

“oh, with the guys? you could just skip out on—”

“nah, it’s with someone else,” he settles for, wondering what the sudden silence from the other end of the line means. he’s not sure he wants to find out right now, so he’ll have to talk to bianca some other time. “i gotta go—”

“are you going on a date?” bianca’s tone seems more inquisitive than he’d like, but her question has him thinking.

is this a date?

bianca stays silent as he ponders about it, waiting with bated breath because this is the first time in two years that sae had ever rejected her request, and judging by how he’s struggling, he’s undoubtedly meeting a girl. is it you? she curses under her breath as she pushes her hood over her head, determined not to let anyone see her sweat right now.

“yeah,” sae says, the decision coming to him as soon as he sees your familiar face approaching, that polite little smile on your face. “i’ll talk to you later.”

indignant, bianca exhales sharply, her temper taking over her as she huffs a “don’t bother” into the receiver before hanging up.

sae looks down at his phone, staring at her name on the call log. he makes a mental reminder to check in with her later, but for now, he shoves that thought aside—tonight, he’ll focus on you. just you.

and when you effortlessly command all his attention by slipping into the passenger seat all too naturally, he thinks that whatever ripple effect this may cause may be worth it. for him. and now, it’s his mission to make it worth it for you too.

“so,” you say, all sparkly-eyed as you look at him excitedly. “where are we going tonight?”

you thank god that you decided to dress up a little more today when you see that he’s taking you to another high-end place. this time, it’s on a rooftop of a five-star hotel, with views overlooking the tokyo skyline; a view you never thought you’d actually see in person.

it’s breezy enough up here that it’s not too stuffy, and there are step lights and string lights all around the venue but they’re dim enough as to not reveal sae’s face too much. (not that anyone hear even bothers to look at anyone else passing by, all too engrossed in their hushed conversations.) you notice he’s always handsome no matter what he wears—and today it’s a black button-down shirt with black pants, a casual dark jacket hanging over his shoulders. your eyes linger over the little bit of his chest that you can see; you can tell he’s muscular under there.

“distracted much?”

sae’s voice startles you, and you can see him smirking a little as if he knows what you’re thinking. your cheeks heat up a little, acting coy. he’s reaching a hand out, probably something you didn’t notice while you were deep in your thoughts, and you take it, letting him lead you slowly to your seats.

as you take a seat and the waiter hands you the menus, your eyes flick up, looking at the man across from you. he reads the menu silently, and you notice the sliver of black ink that extends across his palm. it takes all you can to suppress a grin.

“i can always give you another one anytime, you know?”

for some reason that you probably know, sae catches on to what you’re talking about pretty quickly, the dim lighting failing to conceal the way his ears turn red. “so you like giving me hearts?”

you don’t miss the slight teasing in his voice, having to conceal your own nervousness. “i think you’re the one who likes receiving them,” you quip, hiding your face behind the menu.

there’s a rustling noise, rousing your curiosity and making you put the menu down. sae doesn’t respond to your earlier comment but he does give you a tiny smile, putting a two-pack of macarons on your side of the table. he must’ve taken it out of his pocket while you weren’t looking.

“what’s this?”

“macarons,” he shrugs, though you’re not really asking that. he picks up on it. “i was in paris for some event over the weekend. thought you’d wanna try that.”

(sae looks at your reaction as you pick the small bag of mini macarons up, eyes staring at it in awe. he thinks maybe you recognise the name on the plastic—it’s the name of the most popular bakery in paris. it costs a lot more than he thinks macarons should, but when he sees the subtle smile on your face, it’s definitely worth the price tag.)

you’re not so big on surprises, especially when your mother loves giving you some on the daily, but this is the kind of surprise you like. the kind that makes that incessant vibrating in your purse worth it. the kind that trumps your want to be in control.

and even throughout dinner, sae keeps surprising you. maybe it’s just that you’ve never experienced much, or that you never expected much from him, but every little thing he does seems meaningful to you. the way he makes sure to ask if you don’t like to eat certain food before ordering, the way he drapes his jacket over you when the wind picks up, even the way he slowly leans across the table to clean the stray crumb off your face with his finger.

every gesture seems to tell you something—something that you don’t dare to think of because you’re scared that it’s not true, that you’re the only one starting to fall.

“you know, if you’re constantly like this around girls, no wonder there’s always dating rumours with you,” you huff, too afraid to ask him directly.

but sae always manages to decipher your intentions somehow. he tilts his head, earnesty dripping from his words, “whatever ‘this’ means, i’m only like that with you.”

it doesn’t do your heart any favours, making it pound a million miles an hour because whatever sae’s confessing to here wasn’t on your bingo card for the day.

“itoshi sae, you’re too much.”

“sae.”

“huh?” you look up at his face, only to see him averting his gaze as he turns to look at the skyline, the wind rippling through his soft pink locks.

“call me just by my name.”

you swallow the lump in your throat, gaze dropping to the table. it’s not like you purposely didn’t, but the fact that he’s asking you like this, like he’s being needy about it, heightens your emotions so much more.

his fingers find their way across the table again, this time to your chin, tipping it up, urging you to look at him. “say it.” it’s not commanding, or mean, or forceful, and his fingers are gentle, even his gaze and his intentions.

“sae.” his name rolls of your tongue slowly, and the way he smiles at you after that makes you feel inexplicable, knowing that you’re the reason he looks like that.

he doesn’t even say anything about it, just a smile in acknowledgement before he says he’ll go and pay the bill. you stare at his back as he goes, the contrast in your lives very apparent at every instance he takes you out—because it’s always fancy and expensive with him, a world you know nothing of, a world you once thought you’d never experience in this lifetime.

yet here you are, experiencing it thanks to him. you wonder if you’ll still get to once he knows about your family. he’s sort of a celebrity, right? there must be things he cares about that won’t line up well with your situation.

yeah, you don’t think you’ll ever get that out of your head. not until you ask him about it.

and you’re tempted to—especially with the vibration you’re constantly feeling tonight. taking the opportunity while sae’s away, you fish your phone out of your purse, picking the call up reluctantly, only because you’re mildly curious what else your dear mother could possibly want from you.

“you ungrateful little whore—”

“what do you want?”

yeah, you know you shouldn’t have picked it up. you really shouldn’t. and you don’t even know why you were even mildly worried that it might be your mother in danger and needing your help when she clearly wouldn’t do the same for you.

you hate yourself the most out of everyone. you knew clearly you shouldn’t have picked it up. and now your mother’s on the other line, cussing you out for ignoring her all night. then going on about some cruise she’s going on next week and how she found a secret stash of cash that you’re keeping in the kitchen cupboards, how you’re going to get it from her for hiding it and how kind it is of her to even warn you in the first place.

it’s fine.

you kept it there to distract her from your real money, safe in the bank. if she thinks she’s stealing all you have, it probably won’t cross her mind that you still have any. she doesn’t even know you’d worked multiple jobs back in university, only thought you were good for hooking up with men and purposefully disrespecting her.

a hand around your shoulder makes you jump back in shock, your eyes greeted with sae’s own.

“everything okay?”

“y-yeah, it was just a scam caller,” you lie, immediately hanging up and stuffing it back in your pocket.

as you clamour on about how both of you should really get going, sae catches the way your fingers tremble ever so slightly, how your lips threaten to downturn—are you about to cry?

but when you turn around and force a grin, joking about how you’re going to pull a dine and dash on him, he knows you won’t. whatever’s bothering you—you’re locking him out of it. he doesn’t like it, but can he even complain?

and when the both of you are back in the car, the night feels strangely short somehow, and sae reluctantly pulls out his gps. “what’s your postal code again? i’ll drive you back.”

there’s a short pause before you offer him the string of numbers, and sae’s brows furrow when he keys it in. “you’re heading to otoya’s?” he asks. he knows you two are close, and have been, but this sinking feeling in his heart is not something he’s familiar with.

you bite on your lower lip. you don’t want him to have any false assumptions, but you’re not exactly ready to tell him the truth either—that you’re just running from your problems, that eita’s house is the only other space you have.

“are you… still involved with him?” sae asks, voice soft, looking away like he did earlier.

it reminds you of that night you got drunk. you remember how you needed to know. so you figure maybe you owe him the same. “i’m not involved with anyone,” you tell him, smirking. but he looks at you like he’s waiting for more and you remember too, what you want to hide from him for now. “i just—i don’t have—”

“hey, you don’t have to say anything,” sae cuts in, the slight quiver in your voice enough indication that this isn’t something you’re prepared to say. he’s known that for a while now. “you just can’t go home, right?”

you’re more than a little grateful that he is the way he is, that he doesn’t force anything out of you like shiro used to. “yeah,” you admit, awkwardly looking away. “i usually just stay at eita’s until… i’m ready to go back.”

there’s an awkward silence that stretches on for a while before sae concedes to it. “you could stay at mine.”

did you hear that right?

you furrow your brows. “what?”

sae’s mouth hangs open for a while, like he’s trying to figure out what to say. “i could drive you to otoya’s if you prefer that. but… if you wanna stay at mine, that’s fine too. i have a couple extra rooms, you could just pick one.”

what you actually wanted to hear was why he’s willing to do that for you when he hasn’t even known you long, but you hold your tongue. there are doubts in your head—like privacy issues since he’s a celebrity, and rumours if you ever get caught entering or exiting his house, and what exactly does he see you as?

but there’s the selfishness part of you that wants to go for it. and you listen to her.

“then, can i stay over? just one night so i won’t intrude too much,” you assure him, being polite because you’re scared you’re overstepping your boundaries. or that he’ll think you’re a creep even though he’s the one that invited you.

sae can’t help but snicker, and you can’t help but stare as he rests his head against the steering wheel, staring at you. “are you interested in me, y/n?”

you pout, because he’s hit the nail on the head, the embarrassment flying to your head. “okay you know what? if you’re gonna joke about it just take me to eita’s—”

this time sae bursts out laughing, and you feel even more mesmerised; it’s unfair how easy it is for him to do that.

“okay okay, i won’t say that anymore,” he appeases you, hand coming up to ruffle your head. “and feel free to stay as long as you want.”

“i’m gonna steal your jacket, by the way, since you like to joke around so much,” you huff, though sae only chuckles at whatever you say now.

“sure, take whatever you want.”

“and you’re buying my necessities.”

“for when you’re at mine? sure.”

“sae, one day i’m gonna kill you.” because he’s still laughing, obviously getting a kick out of your earlier embarrassment. 

“you can’t do that.”

“and why not?”

and sae’s face immediately leans forward, just inches away from you. he’s so close you can feel his hot breath against your cheeks and it makes your heart do somersaults in your chest.

“then i won’t be able to give you that kiss you asked for.”

your breath catches in your throat, sae coming closer ever so slightly, his gaze falling to your lips for a split second before he shatters your hopes by pulling away, setting the gps to the nearest convenience store. but he doesn’t drive off just yet.

not before he makes sure to look at you one last time, that dazed look on your face, his thumb and pointer finger coming up to pinch your cheek gently, leaving an imprint of himself in your heart.

“come on, we’re here.”

after a half hour of poking around the convenience store and getting whatever you need (you also had to stealthily creep some disposable underwear in your basket and make sure sae didn’t see them when paying), you arrive at sae’s apartment—nestled in one of tokyo’s most luxurious neighbourhoods. a far cry from your own.

he carries your bags for you, leading you to his unit, straight at the top, on the thirty-second floor. his is the corner unit, and he gestures for you to walk in front of him.

“1-0-0-9,” he tells you, both hands full.

“huh?”

“the combination, it’s 1—”

“no, i heard you,” you interject, a little exasperated. “but you shouldn’t just hand the passcode out to anyone.”

“i don’t,” he assures you, saying it matter-of-factly. “i trust you.”

you hurry to key in the code, so easily flustered by the way he seems so willing to tell you anything. “then don’t blame me if one day you come back home to find the place ransacked,” you jokingly warn him.

sae conveniently ignores that comment, placing your items in one of the spare rooms nearest to the living room. as you walk in, you marvel at how spacious and clean his apartment is. it’s all cold marble floors and high ceilings, and you can already tell it must be so nice in the day with all the natural lighting flooding in here. the wide windows must let all the sunlight in, must be much brighter during the day than yours is.

you follow him as he tells you where everything is; the spare room right next to the living room, the toilet across from it, the kitchen right next to the balcony exit, accessible from your own room. his apartment is so huge it makes you wonder if he ever feels lonely in it.

in the living room, you see multiple pictures in frames, most of which you assume are probably his family. you recognise rin, present in most of the pictures. they look happy, at least. there’s also one with eita and the others, and some others you don’t recognise. none of bianca or any other girls, you note.

“all good?” he asks once he’s done with the mini tour.

you nod apprehensively, still tense about the fact that you’re staying the night at his place. “yeah, i’m just gonna wash up first.” you don’t even let him say anything before you’re bounding off into the spare room he gave to you, trying to calm yourself down because it never hit you until now that you’re really here, in sae’s place, ready to make yourself at home when you’re not even anything to him. though, you really hope that there’s something.

“calm down, y/n, just gotta take a shower and you’re good as new,” you whisper to yourself, calming yourself and taking deep breaths.

outside, sae’s gaze lingers on the door to your room, your shadow visible from the bottom gap of the door as you move about. he can’t even come up with a good enough reason to tell himself why he bothered to let you stay here, except maybe that he selfishly didn’t want you to stay with otoya.

is that bad?

before he can ponder anymore about it, the door to your room opens and you sheepishly walk out, a grin on your face as you approach him. “so… i forgot something.”

and now you’re going to ask him for it.

“what is it?”

“i swear i didn’t forget on purpose, okay?” you’re pouting, and he finds it mildly adorable. “could i borrow some clothes?”

sae nearly bursts out laughing just from how nervous you seem. though, from how you’ve been every time you saw him, from his hat to his jacket and now you’re asking for his clothes, he can see why you’re a little nervous.

“do you always forget around otoya too?” he means that redundantly more than anything, just a passing comment, but you answer anyway.

“well, i always just wear his jerseys.”

you really were just answering honestly, but the way sae grips your wrist and guides you to his closet is almost comical. you allow yourself to think that he’s doing this out of jealousy, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering as you follow him.

“you have a walk-in closet?” you gape, looking at the sheer size of it. it’s nearly as big as your entire room.

“take whatever you want, my jerseys are in there,” sae says, pointing you to the sliding door closest to you.

that’s how you end up coming out of the showers a half hour later, dressed in his national jersey, his name in block letters at the back. you’d take a picture just to savour it, but you’d like to think that hopefully this isn’t the last time you’ll get to wear it.

when you come out, sae’s already washed up, probably has his own bathroom in that big bedroom of his. his hair’s wet, dripping onto his thin white t-shirt, eyes finding your gaze as you walk towards him and bow deeply. you’re a comfortable distance away from your mother, phone switched off and discarded into one of the drawers in the guest room, only because sae was kind enough to let you stay. for multiple nights even, if you want to.

“thank you,” you tell him, and it’s for more than just tonight, more than just dinner and a shirt and a bed to sleep in. somehow, ever since you’d met him, he’s been there for you constantly, even if he doesn’t mean to be. it still counts for something, you think, because you can’t even remember the last time you felt like a giggly high school girl having a normal crush even if it’s on a not-so-normal person.

“not gonna ink it on my skin now?” sae teases when you straighten back up, and you roll your eyes.

“don’t blame me if you wake up with a dick drawn on your face.”

“is that what you want?” sae asks you, and you get the feeling he’s not even invested in your quip, his mind elsewhere.

sae’s face is right in front of yours, like so many times before now, it feels like. it makes you think you’re not that delusional, that he could feel just the same as you do—excited, tired, confused.

“i already told you what i want,” you whisper, and you would probably kill yourself if you were thinking clearly for being so open and vulnerable in front of him right now, but then it doesn’t matter.

none of it matters when his lips are on your lips and you can taste the mint lingering on his tongue, when you can feel the way his hands find purchase on your hips, pulling you closer, but gently, like he’s trying not to seem too eager but so close to failing. his hair tickles your face, the way he keeps coming back for more leaves you breathless.

your arm comes up behind his neck, keeping him close. his kiss makes your mind hazier than any alcohol can, his grip falling to the back of your thighs, your lips still connected as he lifts you up onto the counter of the kitchen, his body nestled comfortably between your thighs as he knocks the air out of your lungs.

it’s as if he’s telling you you’re not crazy, that you’re not imagining anything, because he’s here with you right now, out of anyone’s watchful eyes and he’s kissing the fuck out of you simply because he wants to. no dares, no alcohol—just itoshi sae and his crumbling resolve to hide his yearning.

by the time he pulls back, both of you are trying to catch your breaths, foreheads leaning against one another and it leaves you wondering whether it’s as you think or if he’s just entertaining your wishes.

“you know something?” he speaks, voice hoarse as his teal eyes look at you from behind those beautiful lashes of his. you swallow the lump in your throat, forcing a what? out even if it’s barely audible at best. “i’ve been wanting to do that too.”

you must’ve been wrong. you’re not the one that’s a lot to handle. he is.

“why is it that you always somehow know what i’m thinking?” you wonder out loud, an arm around his shoulder for support. you’re both still as close, still as mesmerised by the other.

sae doesn’t really know what you mean by that, so he shrugs. “maybe i’m just made for you,” he comments offhandedly, and you find it hard not to shrink from the nervousness. by now, he should already be able to tell you have a crush on him. your only saving grace is that he probably feels the same. otherwise, you have no doubt he’d probably go out of his way to avoid you.

“you have quite the tongue on you, you know that?”

sae chuckles softly, a smirk lining his lips as he continues staring at you, admiring every single inch of your face. “you would know.”

completely flustered, you gently push him away, hopping off the counter and skipping towards the guest room, offering sae one last thing to think about before you shut the door on him—“maybe next time you’ll know about me too.”

and once your door is shut, sae exhales shakily, the thought of your words and their insinuation consuming him for the entire night.

you really are a lot to handle.

extras !

that heart reaction from sae was absolutely an accident. he meant to go for the thumbs up.

after that kiss, sae had to help himself. he wasn't planning on going any further, but you turned him on a lot more than he thought was possible.

despite his feelings, eita still thinks he isn't ready to commit to just one person.

your feelings towards your mother are complicated—you know she isn't loving at all now, and yet you still hope for that small chance that she might revert back to the mother who once promised to love you more than anything else. it's something that eita was always against because he knew how much it hurt you. it's part of why you don't like to speak to eita about it and hear all of those things.

bianca got drunk to forget after sae rejected her request; when she drunk dialled him, he was too busy giving you a tour of his house.

sae has never invited bianca over to his house even once. he also has never lent her any of his jerseys (as she mentioned in the start of the chapter).

taglist! @yuzurins @saeskiss @raphsimp @lust4rin @mxplesyrvp @chieeeeeee @yumekolovesyukimiya @kunirayuna39 @auranny @sereniteav @gskill @saesgrl @riseena @rikijbol @sagejin @shironagi @veecynii

[jeonstellate]

timestamp: photograph

it’s 12:51 pm when jeonghan finally sees the scrapbook you made for him.

๑彡 yoon jeonghan x gender neutral!reader

๑彡 slice of life!au — character death — angst

๑彡 paragraph format — 0.6K words

masterlist

[gif’s full credit belongs solely to its owner]

๑彡 this was supposed to be a quick “wtv” nonsense and yet this still took me ages for some reason [*insert clown emoji*]. i hope y’all enjoy, anw <3

"Take a picture, it’ll last longer."

Yoon Jeonghan would always tell you that whenever he caught you staring for a second too long. You never meant to linger your eyes on him, but he somehow always caught you nevertheless.

Instead of constantly defending yourself, you opted to comply to his suggestion — by purchasing a polaroid camera and ensuring that you always had it with you whenever you spent time with him. Thus, as a result, you had collected a scrapbook full of his photographs — some with his knowledge, the rest candidly taken.

Jeonghan knew you had an album filled with polaroids of him, since you had nonchalantly told him so one day when he asked what you had done with all the photos you had taken. Unfortunately, he had not had the chance to see the photo album in question for himself — mostly because you had claimed that you were not done decorating it just yet.

He figured he would see the scrapbook eventually, since you were bound to finish sooner or later and ergo would boast about your artwork then.

He just never expected that particular day to arrive like this: Gloomy. Rainy. Incessant.

And, worst of all, without you.

"[First name] wanted you to have this," the man that introduced himself as your brother handed him a thick book with a blank cover.

Proceeding as though his choice of words did not have an impact on him, Jeonghan changed the orientation of his hold to be more comfortable — just for a neatly folded letter to slip out.

Yoon Jeonghan, it read.

If you’re reading this, it means one of two things: either I survived the surgery or I didn’t. While I sincerely hope the situation is the former, if my brother was the one that handed this to you . . . I’m sorry.

I’m sorry you had to find out this way.

He could not find the strength to read on after that.

You were not his best friend, although you were a close one. Nevertheless, even if you were both at the point of your lives where the people you grew up alongside with follow drastically diverge life paths, at drastically different speeds, he never thought yours would just . . . end.

Yes, you were not his best friend, but there was still pain with the shock brought by the news.

It was a miracle Jeonghan found the strength to move, much less have the courage to finally flip through the scrapbook you left of him.

His emotions were in disarray, as though he was in a rollercoaster that he did not want to ride. His emotions were building up to an unknown with each flip, until he eventually reached a certain page that made his heart drop.

Like some of the previous pages, there was only one polaroid. Unlike all of the previous pages, however, the caption that accompanied that particular picture of him read: the moment I realized I love you.

Jeonghan suddenly felt everything. The emotions that hid themselves within the depths of his being, then ignored to preserve what is— was. The emotions that built up after your brother delivered the news. The regret of being too late.

And then came the realization.

He should have listened to his own words and took pictures of you more, maybe then he would not have been left to solely rely on his homescreen wallpaper to remind him what you looked like in the years to come.

Had he done that, maybe then Jeonghan would not have a blurry candid photo of you as his only memorabilia of how you looked like.

[fullsunised]

NCT DREAM REACTION: CHAPTER FOUR

╰─▸ ❝ @ nct dream x idol! reader

→ when you get shipped with each other- massive crushes on each other

→ requests: open

→ trigger warnings: none?

→ a/n: BRO IM SO FUCKING STUPID- I WAS MEANT TO SAVE THIS AS A DRAFT BUT INSTEAD I POSTED IT WITH THE REQUEST THING, HALF DONE- BRO IM GONNA GO UNALIVE MYSELF HOW AM I GONNA LIVE LIKE THIS STOP ANW- HOPE THE PERSON THAT REQUESTED THIS FINDS IT. THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE</3 I LOVE YOU MORE ☺️

ready to love

MARK LEE

boy's shy asf. he had a crush on you- that was painfully obvious and when your fans point it out, he's shy asf. after he finds you two trending on twitter, bros red asf first.

after that he's gonna send you a message asking if you were uncomfortable with all this- because he cares, he doesn't and would never want to put you in an awkward position. when you tell him how you find this cute, he'd be elated bro.

you know he's making and discussing with his members on how to ask you out fr. 

RENJUN HUANG

he's gonna pretend like it doesn't affect him. like 'yeah, we get shipped together so what' types. he likes you of course, but his whole personality is about being cool- so he is cool. 

that is until you send a post you came across about how he looks at you while your talking, and boy is he embarrassed. he's gonna play it off cause it's text but when you see him again the next day for a shoot, he'd be too shy to meet eyes.

he wouldn't ask you out instantly because he wants to make sure, you knew each other better before moving to the next step.

JENO LEE

confused. what did he do that his fans are shipping you two? but he enjoys it for sure. like come on, the way he looks at you, bro like you're the only person that matters to him. you're fans definetly caught on that.

he'd be funny about it. well, not like make jokes about it but take it with a pinch of salt. you two would be sharing moments captured by your fans, and tease each other about it for long until-

he actually becomes serious and asks you out.

HAECHAN LEE

it isn't haechan if he doesn't tease you. boy is gonna scroll through to all the 3 million tweets to find the one tweet where you are the one simping for him and not the other way around. calls you adorable, ruffles your hair and all that just to make fun of you, and to give your fans more to write about.

but when you send back all the other tweets where he is literally staring at you with heart eyes, boy's is gonna be shy. he's gonna start acting defensive and shit. you'd find it so adorable that you'd tease him too.

after a few months of frequent teasing, you'll finally ask him out cause he was taking ages. even though he finds it hot, he whines because he wanted to be the one to ask you out.

JAEMIN NA

man he's smiling. like always, while looking at you, while hearing you speak, while scrolling through all the tweets, while watching your moments on youtube. he's just so lovestruck it's concerning. 

after he sees how much your fans support you two, he won't hide his crush anymore. bro will randomly hug you, set your hair for you, click pictures- all the boyfriend material stuff without even being your boyfriend. 

it would take him not long to ask you out, and from them you two would be gracing the world with your presence as a couple.

CHENLE ZHONG

shy- nah maybe cocky. as soon as he notices how your fans have been screaming for the both of you, he's smiling. he'll make more moments for you two cause he can.

because your fans enjoy you two together- he'd frequently take you out to eat, your crush him would grow stronger during these times- not because he's treating you but because you enjoy his presence.

you two appearing on each other's lives would be so frequent that your fans are sure you're dating. he asks you out and yeah the rest is calm.

JISUNG PARK

boy's blushing so much. you are done shooting and go home when he notices the hashtag on twitter. smiling, and blushing cause he loves it but is shy too.

the next time he sees you again, he won't be able to maintain eye contact because he's too flustered to look at you. when you're not looking though, he'd steal glances.

when it comes to asking you out, his members have to reassure him that you feel the same- and after hours and hours of convincing boy will confess.

fullsunised.

[veefushi]

❤️❤️❤️

slowly putting my gfsh art stuff from twitter to here

anw which one of gojo’s heart pose is your favourite? mine is the first one and that’s why it’s my twt profile picture 🥴

[stirringwinds]

what do you think of the canon version of China finding chibi Japan in a bamboo forest

I do enjoy a lot of the inherent weirdness and charm of hetalia canon, and I think the clear Princess Kaguya / Tale of the Bamboo Cutter reference is cute, but ngl it's one thing I do personally retcon completely because I like these old men salted and brined in the convoluted mess that is asian imperial politics: to re-situate Kiku and Yao within the reality of Chinese imperialism, the Sinosphere and also the fact that Yong-soo (whom I see as also being the older Korean kingdom of Silla) would've known of and relayed Kiku's existence to Yao first, given the history of Korean-Japanese contact and the Korean peninsular's long history as a cultural intermediary (and also point of conflict) between Japan and China.

I tentatively think Yao very likely met Kiku for the very first time when Kiku arrived as part of an early Japanese diplomatic embassy to China, and the vibes were more like this (I couldn't find a picture of a younger looking envoy and I definitely see Kiku as much younger physically—but anw, that pic is an artistic representation the shamaness-queen Himiko during the Yayoi period of Japan):

I don't see Yao 'raising' Kiku in any sense that mirrors the way I see Arthur directly claiming and exercising responsibility over Alfred; I feel that Yao and Kiku started out quite firmly as an empire-tributary dynamic (which is different from colony and empire) with a certain arms-length distance—Yao is kind of arrogant during that period too (to put it mildly) and he's like 'oh you're the boy Yong-soo referred to huh. Interesting. You can add your name to the sign-up sheet of tributaries there. Bring me gifts, will you?' There is an eventual (regicidal) mentor-protege dynamic I see forming, but Yao is very busy being an empire when he and Kiku first meet; he would consider Kiku an amusing and intriguing diversion to keep an eye on, but he is for the time-being, much more embroiled in his ambitions in continental Asia, such as his wars against other nations like Lien (Vietnam).

[starryhyuck]

hi hiiii! i just wanna drop this here and say i appreciate your works a lot, really love how you narrate the story and write your characters esp dialogues (which imo vv important on how they are portrayed!!!) also every time i reread begin again jh i always wondered jh's pov when he got home and y/n is gone, im just wondering if you were able to write about that scene? anw have a great day!! thank you for sharing your craft (:

When Jaehyun finally slips his shoes off and throws his jacket on the coat rack, he notices the deafening silence enveloping his home.

He frowns. It’s not that late — you would usually be watching some program on the television and he would hear the faint sounds coming from the living room.

But nothing. Silence.

He calls your name once, not wanting to do it again in case he wakes up your son accidentally. He goes into the kitchen first. Sometimes you like to bake late at night and wear your headphones to cancel out the noise. He peers into the doorway, but he doesn’t find you.

The living room is next. Maybe you fell asleep on the couch.

Nothing. Your son’s toys aren’t even scattered on the floor like usual.

He decides to head upstairs. You probably went to bed early. He ignores the deep feeling in his gut that tells him something is wrong.

When he opens his bedroom door, a cold washes over him. The drawers of your shared dresser are all open, the first four slots being cleaned out. The bed is completely naked and the picture laying on your nightstand, a picture of you and Jaehyun on your first date, is laying face down.

He runs to the closet. All he sees are various suits and shoes, but your entire side is empty.

The bad feeling in his chest starts to swell.

He takes a deep breath before entering your son’s room. He knows what lies beyond the door, and it stabs him in the heart when his worst fears are confirmed true.

It looks like no one ever even occupied this room. As if a crying baby never existed, never giggled in his crib and asked for his parents to help him out. All Jaehyun sees is an empty void of nothing — every piece of your son’s clothing is gone, every toy is snatched up from the ground, and every box of diapers has vanished.

You’ve left him.

[tojikai]

Ya I don’t feel all that bad for naomi 🫢 like you said, what did she expect going into a relationship with a guy who broke up with his baby mama a week ago like that situation is just ripe for drama. Also the way she passively let y/n be trampled on by satoru and his demon of a mother. Just going with the flow and smiling pretty when they did the family portrait and holding Yui as if she was hers (like why did she have to hold her? Did satoru lose function of both arms at the time or?). I know some of y’all wanna make excuses for her that satoru enabled her by not putting a stop to it and whatnot but that’s a grown ass woman. She is a grown ass full on adult woman, and you’re telling me that without satoru holding her hand and explaining to her about boundaries and having empathy and treating someone with basic respect, she wouldn’t know how to act?? Come on lmao let’s not be silly now

If she doesn’t know how to act in situations like that, how is she coping with the intricacies of social interaction in her day to day life, at work etc? I’m not buying her whole “I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong” act, therefore the only other explanation is that she knows her actions were out of line and she did them anyway cause she’s an asshole who thought her behaviour could go unchecked because at the time she was favoured by satoru and his mother lol it’s gonna be a bitter pill to swallow when she finds out satoru doesn’t love her and in fact loves y/n

Also we thought miss girly in permanent mark was innocent at first too but she turned out to be a snake in the end so I wouldn’t be surprised if Naomi turns out similar (I agree with the anon that said she’s giving off baby trapping vibes). I think she enjoys the attention and privileges and prestige that comes with dating the Gojo Satoru too much to go down easily. I wouldn’t at all be surprised if satoru’s mother tries to get her to do something shady when they have their meeting. She’ll probably try and paint y/n in a bad light and say she’s seducing satoru or some shit (Which is so dumb cause it truly seems like she thinks satoru has no autonomy of his own like? He’s a grown man but alright go off) Knowing Naomi’s ass, once their plan backfires and satoru becomes aware of their ugly personalities, she’ll say she was only doing what his mom told her to do and she had no idea that she was doing anything bad 👉👈

Speaking of I hope Satoru gets wind that his mother actually physically assaulted y/n because it didn’t seem like he knew in the last chapter when he woke up and interrupted their fight. I feel like he would’ve had an angrier reaction than just pleading with his mom to leave them alone. Yeah that woman is literally the worst. All that money to her name but no class 🙃

ooh, that family picture, i got a little more story about it. i mentioned in part 5 that naomi liked to think about satoru and yui as her own family. even before they became official, it just crossed her mind but it's more of like just her imagining having a family of her own. and when that picture taking stuff happened, they were just starting their relationship that time and that's when she really felt like they were a family, especially with the fact that satoru's mom favors her and thinks she's the better woman for her son :'')) it was a painful memory to yn bc she had to stand there and watch them :(( but anw u got a lot of things right, like his mother badmouthing yn, and trying to get her to do something shady😭 the slap was explained, he saw it when he moved her to bed and fought w his mom abt it. and the only reason satoru couldn't react more then, was bc yui was there :((

[choiwonder]

DO YOU MISS ME ? [ DISCORD BFS ]

synopsis: being ex-friends, it wasn’t too difficult to forget about one another, but as you both rise to having a social media presence, it’s inevitable for your fans to ask about one another. however, what happens when beomgyu makes a comment about you on live and ignites a twitter feud?

BEOMGYU: 22, streamer, gained popularity over his very… chaotic behavior along with how good he plays. has a very… intense fanbase, lots of people are scared to say something because of what they might do or say. it goes out of beomgyu’s control.

YEONJUN: 23, model, goes live and makes youtube videos on his every day life, showing behind the scenes of his shows, traveling making videos, taking pictures and a whoooole lot more.

SOOBIN: 22, streamer, another one who didn’t really plan on doing this officially as a job, just found it fun when playing with beomgyu plus people really liked him so he just continued!

previous | masterlist | next

note: i originally had heeseung and jeongin in this but based on how this story is gonna go they’ll probably just make an appearance here and there. anw first chap comes friday!!!! can’t wait for y’all to see :)))

send an ask, comment, or click this form to join the taglist! (open)

[mmmmuffins]

thank you for the tag @bathtublawyer!!! 💓💓

Top 9 characters!! 

top row: hinata shouyou, yosano akiko, reki kyan

middle row: kugisaki nobara, iwakura mitsumi,  itadori yuuji 

bottom row: hyuuga hinata, kageyama tobio, bokuto and daichi (i cheated.. i cldnt choose between them oops)

tagging: @ambafaerie, @toddtakefive, @kingglitterpants !! (absolutely no pressure!!!!!!!)

[yonemurishiroku]

Do you think that the solangelo contains more of a forceful representation, and if so, what is your advice to authors who are trying to make lgbtq+ representation seem more a part of the story/flow with the story then the opposing option?

May 22nd. I'm so sorry, my mind has been going off track for a while. I'm really sorry for the delay. 😭😭

So, regarding Solangelo as a representation, well this is gonna be hard to say lol. This has been circling the fandom since the day of its emergence, and this is certainly not a good time but eh penny for my thought ig.

Now. I suppose I have a very varying definition of representation, but let's not dwell on that. As for now, I can say that I do consider Solangelo somewhat forcefully developed. As in, the term of writing, plot-wise, etc...

It's quite difficult to say. I have no problem with Solangelo as a couple - or their dynamic - per se. Rather, it's the pacing that throws me off. This has been addressed in many posts - Solangelo has a quite... abrupt (?) takeoff. I just felt like Rick did not mean to make them a thing but just a spur of a moment - something small and... promising that you left hanging at the end of the series for reader's interpretation, for whatever reason (This actually lines up with Boo's time of releash I think? The LGBTQ+ literature being unpopular I mean).

In fact, Solangelo's whole developing process happened behind the curtains - as in, we're told, not shown. Imagine. In BOO, their friendship just barely sprouts, and the next time we see them again in TOA, they're already a couple. For the longest time possible, it was left to the reader/fanfic writers to deduce wth happen for them to become a couple in like idk 6 months? (A pretty fast process for someone like Nico imo. but that's just me).

Something like that is bound to raise some doubts.

The full picture itself is only revealed - partly, and through second reminiscence, mind you - in TSATS. It's also the reason TSATS feels kinda off to me, ig - the fact that some parts actually misalign with the established canon events, or appear like a patch to cover a hole in the piece of fabric. And some others just straight up fall into the what-the-f-was-in-your-mind-rick category. I doubt it was even Rick's initial plan to come up with TSATS in the first place.

However, it's also worth acknowledging that, whilst it would certainly help, Rick hardly has the capacity to fully-build another 5-book romance for Solangelo. That's as far as it can go (I usually think this to placate myself at the thought of the ship being undeveloped). Nico is not the franchise's protagonist (more like deuteragonist I guess), no matter how far this story goes and how widely loved he is, let alone Will.

On to the advice part.

Please keep in mind that I am, in no way, a professional or good writer, nor do I study sexual orientation and/or identity theory (I barely know the flags). I've also grown up and received education in an Estern (somewhat conserative?) country, so please take whatever I say with a grant of salt.

Now. When it comes to "make it seem more a part of the story", I... actually don't know how to say this...

Just look at the all the BL mangas (Japanese comics) and danmeis (Chinese BL literature) and BL manhwas (Korean comics). I have been reading BoyLove longggg before I even came to PJO, you know? The Eastern fandoms have surprisingly extensive LGBT content for a conservative culture, anw they have been telling and/or drawing stotries upon stories about same-sex couples since the dawn of internet. They don't even need to try. They have the image of a love, a story in their mind and just... go along with it.

You don't make it a part of the story. The story is either about it (much or little), or just nothing at all.

I'm saying making a story about it - rather than trying to incorporate it into the story. Give it background and enough development, it'd progress itself. You don't give it anything, of course it'd feel flat. This goes with any type of romance, not just LGBTQ+.

The problem with Solangelo itself, imo, is not the nature of their relationship (tho I do admit somtimes Rick makes me go wtf), but rather how they're portrayed. And furthermore, said portray in proportion to people's expectation. Solangelo, by all means, is a side-story at best (unless Rick manages to come up with a trilogy about their journey from start to finish idk 🤷‍♀️). People like it, so they tend to expect more from it, but the author's just a human.

I think this is everything... My thoughts are kinda in a jumble as I'm writing this, so feel free to ask if something doesn't make sense... This is also just my personal view lol don't take it too seriously if it differs from yours too much.

Lastly, I know my advice would probably not do much, however I hope for you to find your way to tell your stories the best you can!

[kobiiioo]

How hanpunk would see each other

Lihan would refer Hobie to a nautical twilight, a pale blue and orange atmosphere you see at dawn between night and sunrise that you don’t see in the city-side but in the mountains, and ik it’s cliché or wtv but

Hear. Me. Out.

Here’s a picture so it’s easier to understand

He’s like the beginning of everything, something that slowly comes and slowly irradiate things around him, he makes things feel alive around her; he makes her feel alive.

Hobie has a very similar image to her brother, but the thing with her brother is that if there’s light, there’s always shadows; And she was never the light.

Automatically, she first had this same image of Hobie and that wherever he’s around her she’ll always be the shadow (which is also the reason why she ignored and avoided him a lot at first) but turns out it’s totally different. His presence is like a gentle hand reaching out to hold hers and pull her in, so they can both be the light together.

And it’s the kind of tenderness, peacefulness and pleasing atmosphere she’s felt before when she used to live back in the country-side when living in West-Europe (she was a country girl lol). It’s literally the view she used to see every morning when she wake up and walk out of her house where everything is so quiet and only the sounds are the rustling leaves and plants in the field, birds chirping as the day slowly comes and it was her biggest comfort; which she refers it with Hobie because he makes her feel that way.. ☹️

As for Hobie, he refers Lihan to the ocean at night where the waves can be stronger or calmer depending the days, the gleam of moonlight reflecting on the ocean waves sparkling, calm but also rough and unpredictable at times. Something calming about it but sometimes also scary. Yet so beautiful to its nature.

And that’s exactly why Hobie sees her as a ocean and especially at night because it’s much harder to see things. Though he’s really good at reading people, he definitely finds it harder to read Lihan compared to others.

The ocean is immense, from what you can see to what you can’t. You don’t even know half of what it truly looks inside, the environment, the beings that lives inside and that are hiding even deeper inside where it’s just unreachable.

You have to be so careful or you can get carried away by the waves. And a part of him wants to be swept away. Just to know more, to go deeper into getting to know her and see the true beauty of what’s hiding under the aggressive waves as they’re a metaphor of the image she’s trying to give others; restricted, cold and reckless to to avoid any emotional closeness.

While under those strong waves inside the water, everything is so calm and quiet, isolated from everything else and something about it feels so melancholic, bewildering and furtive.

He doesn’t care whether the waves are strong or calm, whether the weather stormy or not, whether the water is cold or warm, he’ll just appreciate the way it is, trying and wanting to understand and get used to its environment and atmosphere. He finds its nature so beautiful; he finds her beautiful inside out.

anw bye ill try to post more art here too 😞💔

[wwhatev3r]

Easy Company going to the Zoo | Headcanons

Note: I do believe Zoos are ultimately harmful to animals; this is only for entertainment purposes. I recommend to read everything because is kinda connected.  

– Dick Winters - This man is calmly watching every animal, listening silently to what the guides say like the perfect man that he is. Nix takes pictures of him like he is the wife that died at the beginning of the movie. He is genuinely embarrassed when the boys do something stupid and he has to apologize to strangers. He sees them getting along and Shifty helping random kids and he is on Proud Dad Mode. An elephant patted his head and he was so happy. 

“Alright everyone, if anyone falls off the railings it will make the animals sick, so please be careful. You are hard for the animals to digest.”

– Lewis Nixon - A monkey stole his sunglasses and Winters laughed at him instead of helping him. Can’t stand kids screaming at the animals. Starts oversharing how bad his marriage was with the animals.

"Nix, they're gonna get depressed." Winters told him. "Even more? We are all trapped in some way, aren't we?" He replied after a sigh with a gloomy voice.

– Carwood Lipton - Plans everything as always. When the zoo guides are telling information It’s him who tells everyone to be quiet. He asks everyone to take a group picture. He really likes the red pandas. 

"Come on guys, form a single file line."

“Do not pick the goats Perconte, can’t you read the sign?”

– Ronald Speirs - Gets offended because a parrot starts imitating him. Refuses to eat there because it is too expensive. He stole a mini toy turtle from the gift shop, and at the end of the day he gave it to Lip. He doesn't trust the raccoons or the lemurs because he thinks they are going to steal from him. 

“Sir, can you help me find the kay-muls?” Muck asked. “You mean ‘camels’?”  “Yes, that’s what I said.” “Fucking idiot.” 

– George Luz - George tries to teach the parrots how to swear. He makes fun of the penguins too. A baby koala climbed on his shoulder to hug his neck. Talks with the zookeepers and learns more than the other guys. He looks at Don and Skip messing around and says: “Look at the primates socializing.” My poor boy really tries to communicate with the monkeys tho.  "Hey, It's you George." Bill said, pointing at the monkey while laughing.  “Sure, look Bill, It's you too." George points at the trash can.

– Joe Liebgott - The first one to volunteer to pet a snake. Almost threw hands with a kid because he stole his sandwich. He pushed Web and he almost fell in the otters water tank. He scares Babe with fake stories about animals who attacked people. Says dark humor jokes to offend Shifty.

“Shit, that leopard would make a pretty good coat.”  “Lieb, please stop. It 's not even funny.” Shifty replied. 

– Bill Guarnere - He is so excited to see the lions. If other companies are there, he is always screaming at them like it's a school trip. Runs back and forward in the front of the glass, to make the cheetahs run with him. Feeds the animals that are forbidden to be fed by the visitors. 

“Bill, stop feeding them before anyone sees you.” Malarkey warns him.  “What? No! Look at them, they have skinnier legs than Lieb.” “Bill, that’s a flamingo.” Webster replied.

– Joe Toye - He is against zoos, so he starts screaming at a zookeeper and Lip has to apologize in his name. Wants to make himself look like he doesn't want to be there but at the first cute animal that he sees he lets escape an "Anw." A bunny pooped on him. He is kinda scared a peacock wants to mate with him because he shook his feathers to him. 

“Look, Toye found a girlfriend, how cute.” “Shut up George.” 

– Donald Malarkey - Donnie is so excited and happy to be around the animals. He takes pics with every single one of them. In the farm section he spends his money to buy food to feed the goats. He buys so many stuffed animals. He saw a ginger monkey and got so happy. Names everyone animal like is going to keep them.

“Look how long their necks are.” Perconte says about the giraffes.  “Don’t say that.” Malarkey replied angrily, “She might hear you.” “Yeah, don’t you hear him, Louisa.” George says playfully to the giraffe, “You have a lovely neck.”

– Warren “Skip'' Muck - Yes, he definitely dances to the monkeys. Brings everything from the gift shop. Imitates the meerkats when they stand up. Makes a stare contest with a lizard. Presses his face against the glass and Martin yells at him. He and Bill find orangutans kinda creepy and suspicious (??).

“Are we allowed to ride giraffes?” “NO.” Lip yelled. 

– Darrel “Shifty” Powers - He was the one who volunteered to feed the elephants. He stays watching an animal no one else seems to be interested in. He loves to be around the animals but feels genuinely bad for them. He helps scared kids pat the ponies. He wants to adopt a kitten from the shelter of the zoo but he thought he wouldn't be responsible enough to take him.

“You know sir, cats don’t like loud noises, what if I talk too loud near him?” “I don’t think that would be a problem, Shifty.” Winters said with a kind smile. 

 – Eugene Roe - When they were in the farm section, he spent the whole time gently rubbing the belly of a pregnant bunny. I feel like he loves pandas. Asks the zookeeper's how many times each animal is being fed during the day and wants to know about the treatment of the sick ones. Even in the zoo he has to carry his first aid kit. 

“Hey, look, it's a pelican.” Babe said.  "That's a toucan.” Eugene replied.

– Edward “Babe” Heffron - He fed a deer and then got scared when they started to surround them. He is kinda scared of birds. He gave his lunch to a peacock because he bit him. He genuinely loves lizards. 

“Heffron, you know It’s your fault that you got bit.” Eugene told him while taking care of his injury. “How is it my fault?” “You were trying to do a mating dance for the peacock.” “And I gave him my lunch, and for what? For him to like Toye instead. I hate birds.”

– David Webster - Web, Aka Shark boy, just wants to see aquatic animals. Is genuinely interested in learning about animals. He reads every board with the animal information and also acts like the teacher’s pet to the zoo guides. 

“No, sir, actually they live 15 to 45 years.” “Shut the fuck up Web.” Lieb told him. “Ok.” 

– Frank Perconte - He kinda judges giraffes for having long necks. He hates how the zoo smells. He wants to keep every lost belonging but Shifty convinces him to give it to the zoo staff. He leaned in to see the crocodiles better and almost fell but Martin grabbed him by his shirt right on time.

“If you fall in there, I won’t save you.” Martin said. “You won't, sergeant?” Perconte replied with a sad expression. 

– Denver “Bull” Randleman - He is compared by everyone to a bear. He makes Perconte hold his shirt to not lose him in the crowd. He will call out anyone who taps the glass. Makes the guys wear hats because of the sun. He notices Talbert taking pictures of the animals mating and says to Martin: “Look, that creep is taking pictures of the zebra putting the stick on the honey.” (No, but imagine him saying this with his accent, I-...) 

– John Martin - I feel like he has a special love for rhinos. A baby binturong fell asleep on his lap when they were in the Baby Room section. A hawk shitted on his shoulder and he got pissed. 

"Alright everyone, let's go! If anyone touches, teases or even screams at the animals will be thrown at the Lions. Oh, and Bill, don’t try it on purpose.”

"For fuck sake, Muck don't dance to the monkeys." 

– Floyd Talbert - The most distracted, instead of looking at the animals he is looking at the women. He sees two animals mating, quickly whoops Malarkey’s camera to take pictures. Is envious of how beautiful the alpacas hair are. He flirts with the zookeepers.

“Yeah, that’s a pretty big snake. You know what else is b-...” “Sergeant Talbert, get your ass back here.” Sargent Martin yelled at him.