#the first two are fine but i am art histories no.1 hater

[nervousmonolith]

3 exams today.

[tacgnologist]

15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

Thank you to @xoshepard for the tag!

I'm shit at tagging mutuals, so if you see this, feel free to do it!

Were you named after anyone? Yep! I named myself after an androgynous Etruscan god of death because 1) it goes hard as shit 2) I'm nonbinary (Vanth)

When was the last time you cried? Two days ago because I forgot to take my T dose 😅

Do you have kids? Yes, but it's kind of complicated; so I'll leave out the details here.

Do you use sarcasm? HEAVILY

What’s the first thing you notice about people? If you immediately divert to negativity and how you use humor- if you start being a hater within .5 seconds of me meeting you, I take it as a massive red flag. Mutual commiserating is fine, I mean this as 'everyone hates me and everything sucks' 24/7. I'm AuADHD af and I tend to bring out emotionally abusive people more often than others, unfortunately.

What’s your eye color? Hazel!

Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Both. Tucker and Dale vs Evil is one of my absolute favorite movies for a reason.

Any special talents? I'm really good at making the vibes weird and off-putting if that counts 😂

Where were you born? US; WNC if you wanna get specific

What are your hobbies? I'm a huge gamer, not so much TTRPG but I wanna change that. I like to make weird 'steampunk' shit from recycled parts and am involved heavily with computer related stuff; ie IT support and cybersec. I'm also big into medical history because there's some WILD shit in there.

Have any pets? I do, they're just not with me currently.

What sports do/have you played? I unironically used to be part of an e-sports team for Halo 2. We weren't very big, maybe five of us total playing local LAN party tournaments and shit.

How tall are you? 6' 0"

Favorite subject at school? Science class minus the math involved; Art right after.

Dream job? I really, REALLY want to go into the cybersec field proper. I'm actually in the process of gearing up to go back to school, which is both an exciting and terrifying prospect for me; but I've been planning for a long time.

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E62

Downtime (n): a word which here means “bust a drug ring and spy on war meetings,” with some home improvement on the side.

*wheezes* Anyway, we do math no matter how stressed we are, yes? A mathematician must never be daunted by mere….madness. Masterpost here.

+23 to Fjord/Jester Outside experts were necessary for this. On the one hand, Shipping Calculus Law states that you lose points for facilitating a relationship to another person….but if you do that while also clearly getting “heart eyes” for the whole affair? Those rules no longer apply. We have, here, Fjord’s Over The Top “I Am So Cool Pls Notice” at Jester referencing his bravery at rooming next to her, and mutual, uh, attempts to comfort that are Deflected By This Deflecting Pair! You Would Earn More Points For Not Deflecting! Oh no, Jester, are you worried about your mom I’m sure she’s oka—NAH, FJORD, HOW ARE YOU. Are you feeling uncomfortable latel—NAH, I’M FINE I’M HAVING ZERO ISSUES WITH THE WATER EXCEPT THAT IT’S IN MY EARS AND I CAN’T HEAR YOU. Lots and lots of banter, and Jester asking Fjord about whether this is his first home, and offering him a mural because she’s a sweetheart. Point loss because Fjord did not accept the mural invitation which makes Jester, deprived of this gesture of affection from her artistic soul, very sad. Also, Jester’s hair was gross and that’s a tragedy for all Jester ships this week.

+8 to Beau/Jester Speaking of gross hair. These two—still roomates! Beau looking for the Best Room, as always! And for some reason, they very much don’t mind in each other all the things that would make them awful roomates to everyone else? Jester happily deals with Beau’s horrific snoring (if they ever have to split, Beau and Cads need to room as the resident snorers), and Beau handles Jester’s Hair Fiasco with nary a complaint, only a surreptitious request for some incense from Caduceus. That’s love. Point loss for Beau complaining about Nugget’s drooling—you need to love pets to love Jester, and that is law

-30 to Jester/Pets. But pets….they may not love Jester. My darling….forcing your beaten and world weary weasel (a ground dweller) into a tree dwelling against its will, forgetting your weasel’s name….I mean, you would think that someone would have sat you down by now to talk about consent (and that you never call someone you love by another name).

+20 to Beau/Gaydar And she foooooooooooools Caleb into thinking it’s a faulty Straightdar that has her saying he and Nott have tension. Don’t worry, Caleb, Beau understands you a little too well. And as we all know, ejecting a man from your room is a Special Lesbian Power bequeathed from the gods.

+2 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester because Frumpkin also got to hang out and gape at Fjord’s tremendously awkward honeypot display at the apothecary. Those three made a stellar Team A to the two-team investigation, with Jester and Fjord distracting like champs while Frumpkin learned of the invisible guard! Also, +2 to Frumpkin/Detective Work!

+18 to Jester/Yasha for Jester’s incredibly thoughtful and sweet wildflower mural for Yasha, and Yasha’s equally sweet surprise and thankfulness. A perfect combination of the ancient and venerable practices of  Seduction Through Art and Seduction Through Flower Arrangements—Jester is on top of her game. Point loss for sticking even a lovingly drawn dick anywhere in Yasha’s vicinity, that should be illegal

+2 to Beau/Yasha for partnering up to go to the library, yeah! A training pit, which is Ripe for Physical Contact Opportunities! Yasha being inspired by Beau’s bracers to get a set of her own, and you know how wlw love sharing clothing? I’m just saying.

+15 to Caleb/Caduceus A bit of an understated week, in the absence of Intense Conversation, but with a lot going on. Beginning, of course, with Caduceus making Caleb’s Special Gift the Literal Symbol of him “putting down roots” and spending a full week making it the centerpiece of the Xhorhaus and such an ostentatious landmark no one in the city will ever forget it. Caleb helps out with construction of the garden using cat-shaped spellwork,  and also invites everyone he meets to Come To the Krynn’s First Treehouse the man is proud. Frumpkin, too, climbing the tree, and it’s only a matter of time before Caleb does the same. Speaking of, Caleb once more pulling the “O, Large and Attractive Man, Please Shield Me From the Haters” card in a Cramped Alley, which Caduceus himself sort of initiated by aggressively campaigning for Frumpkin Spying. Nott gets +5 to Cockblocking for pulling Caduceus away to Detect Magic. Caduceus making windchimes to help make feel Caleb safe—though Caleb is sadly dismissive at the time No point gain for Caduceus’ very sweet and genuine and incredibly unsuccessful attempt to prevent the wizard from choking to death on his grand plans. Point loss for Caleb preferring to use residuum to craft a protective ring, possibly over trying to fix the sword that Caduceus is fixated on. Can Caleb’s Sword make him forget about it?

+30 to the M9/Winning the Local Dick Measuring Contest. You take a tower, you add a 60 foot tree as an elaborate penis metaphor, spread your seed all over the rooftop garden, and put permanent daylight in a region that is permanently dark and worships the Light. All right. Okay.

+20 to Caleb/Essik oh gods, and now we have evidence that a cleaned up fashionable Caleb is perhaps also a little bit catnip for the NPCs. Caleb’s silver tongue and flirtatious finger-wiggling with his special Cat Spell? Bowing and opening the door with magic like A Flirt? The favor exchange convo which is how Every Male Character Woos Caleb Apparently? Essik, for his part, giving up his schedule for the moment, strutting his stuff with his fancy spellbook and chuckling and asking for Caleb’s permission and no one else’s to enter the home???? These boys move faaaaast. We’ll see how this develops with time. Also, between the spellwork Giving Caleb Game and Frumpkin detectiving, +50 to Caleb/Cat-Shaped Creatures, +30 to Caleb/Plot Relevant Magic Gott-damn

+35 to Fjord/Caleb So here in Shipping Calculus, Intense Conversations earn lots of points and uh, there was so much steam from this one it got sound effects. Clasping of hands, promises, declarations, in a callback to Every Major Widofjord Moment Ever. Not to mention, the ambushing-in-the-room maneuver straight (?) out of a romance novel. Caleb taking a gentle pry bar to the locked door of Fjord’s past and insecurities, as all Fjord shippers ultimately hope to see revealed on screen. The mention of Mighty Nein being family? Admiration and resentment? We can remake ourselves into something better? Admitting to worrying about everyone? Saying Caleb is not crazy (but he may be, crazy for someone?) Point loss for Fjord not…..getting the caring thing up until the end, probably. Oh dear. Oh my.

+55 to The Cast/Ashley Johnson. Yasha never fucking says anything, but Sam and Liam both love Ashley. Laura wants everyone to fuck off except Ashley, she’s an angel and we’re glad she’s here.

-100 to Caleb/Astrid/Eodwulf as Caleb says at one point Astrid was “The One” for him. But Caleb. Why could it not have been “The Two?” Throw me us a bone here.

+1000 to Nott/Yeza KISS! THEY KISS! And Nott goes on about not needing to kiss for some things. Spending time in the hot tub together, and in the Lab together (thanks, Caleb!) and being Dangerous Together. Yeza offering to be a house husband and clean up the place while they adventure! Nott being too protective of Yeza to send him without protection to the Coast or the Empire!

+14 to Caleb/Jester as Caleb aims the full force of his Worrywart self at Jester’s direction over the Astrid letter—all Jester ships gain points for distress over Marion Lavorre, as it should be. Jester alongside Nott immediately and frantically insisting that nothing letter-related is Caleb’s fault at all, but hey it’s not Jester’s fault either, it was Nott who told her what to write and she didn’t know anyyything. The suggestion for “The Salty Sea” that Jester and Caleb (and Fjord, hello +1 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester) are tied up with becoming the unlocking mechanism for a secret entrance to Caleb’s library. Jester unfortunately funnels many points into +20 to Jester/Foot in Mouth as she makes sad Astrid conversation but more importantly the horrific “you’ll always be an assassin to me” flirt. Jester. Jester no. Jester you know how he feels about his past right. Jester?

+3 to Beau/Hosting which was great until the cocktail racism, damn that’s a lot of point loss

+70 to Nott the Best Detective Agency/Detective Work as they uncover evidence of a SUUDE OPERATION and listen in on KING DWENDAL’S WAR PLANS. Interpretation of evidence once more provided by partner Beau and Lab Guy Caleb, who between their history and arcana checks and shady histories shed light on the puzzle before them.

-15 to Fjord/Charming the Neighbors. Caduceus is unfortunately too busy with home renovations to be his sweet Lets Bake For The Neighbors self, so Fjord ventures outside and proves why there need to be three high CHA people in this party. Because while Fjord can swing a honeypot in a crisis and intimidate like no one’s business, his inclination to dress people down and match insult for insult makes things go pretty sour with Bylan pretty quickly. The obvious solution, considering Fjord’s skill set, is to redress the issue by undressing the man.

+100000000000000000000000000000000000 to CR/Naming It The Xhorhaus because it got a SONG!!!!!!!!!