#the hammer turning left and right is fucking comedy gold to me i have no idea why

[zzoupz]

I'm so obsessed with this gif I use it every chance I get. get fucked boy

[jungxk]

crush

filed under. i totally forgot i wrote this. also i like the name eunmi sue me 

notes. thank you to @lonelyending for reading thru this crusty story and making me feel good enough about it again to post it. also @suga-kookiemonster bc im pretty sure i sent u this like a year ago and u told me to post it it but....i forgot abt it shdgjsgd. writing/life in general has been hard recently so pls accept this kookfic to hold yous over until i update just one

genre. fluff, light comedy, light angst, smut

warnings. smut (oral sex: f receiving, penetrative unprotected sex) 

length. 5.1k

the first thing jungkook thinks when he sees you is wow.

he hasn't been up for very long, and you don't even know he's looking at you through the window. yoongi-hyung has wrapped you up in his arms as you sob and sob, muted behind the protective hospital glass. even with messy hair and wet eyes he's starstruck. it's why he recoils slightly when jimin and namjoon explain to him that you're his wife.

"my," he can't even say the word. "my..."

"your wife," namjoon repeats. "you know what a wife is, right? marriage?"

"yes," jungkook huffs, digging his nails into his scalp. "i lost my memory, hyung, not my fucking brain cells." 

he suddenly registers the gold band glistening on his left hand, simple and heavy. he has to take a second to collect himself. "but...but i'm twenty-three. right? i am twenty-three, yeah?"

"yeah. you are," jimin says softly.

"then how the fuck am i already married? not that i'm complaining i just," he suddenly turns pink at the thought of you in a wedding dress, clinging onto his arm, breakfast dates, late night ramen runs at the convenience store, painting the living room in a house you probably share, naked in bed on top of him. jungkook clears his throat. "it just seems a little out of character for me. i can't commit to a pair of shoes for a week let alone-"

"i think it's best if you just spoke with ____," jimin finishes before jungkook can work himself into a frenzy, a comforting hand laying on his shoulder. "you two need to talk anyway and it's best if all these answers came from her."

jungkook gulps at the thought of speaking to you, seeing you face to face. suddenly he's a cripplingly shy fourteen year old again.

"okay." he croaks. "okay."

x

x

x

you were even more beautiful up close.

your tear stained cheeks are glowing and blotchy when you perch on the chair beside his bed, big eyes fluttering up at him nervously. you're soft and plush and shorter than he thought and jungkook has to fist his hands in the sheets and play a counting game with the heart rate monitor in order to maintain eye contact. he feels himself start to sweat when you smile sadly at him. "sorry, i just...i don't know how to be around you normally without making you uncomfortable," you say quietly, wringing your hands together to avoid touching him.

"uncomfortable?" he queries, gaze latching onto the ring on your hand. seeing it on you gives him a nice feeling.

you nod into your lap. "yeah, um..." you look at your scuffed shoes, searching for the word. "we're usually very...touchy."

he can feel himself turning red again. "t-touchy?"

you meet his eyes and a pretty smile breaks over your face at how bashful he looks, making jungkook's cheeks tinge even pinker than they already are. you nod cutely so your earrings tinkle, eyes shining, and suddenly he understands without any context why he fell in love with you, why he married you so young. you let a comfortable silence settle over the room before taking a deep breath, bracing yourself. "how much do you remember, jungkook?"

he tries not to cave under the weight of his guilt. "not a lot about...you, that is," he finishes with a wince, your sad eyes immediately making him wilt with shame. "i remember everything up until a couple of years ago. we had a show at the japanese dome, debuted in america, and then...nothing. and now..."

"and now," you echo softly. your eyes look distant, staring at the floor.

"i'm sorry," jungkook whispers, chin touching his chest. "hyung told me...they all told me how much i loved you and...and i'm sorry i don't remember any of it. i'm so sorry."

you shake your head gently. "don't be sorry, jungkook-ah," the pet name makes his ears perk up. its a familiar, calming sound. "none of this is your fault. you didn't ask to get hit by that car." your expression turns remorseful, tugging at his heart. "if anything, this is because of me. the only reason you were out was because i asked you to go and get eggs and formula even though i should've remembered to pick some up on the way home and-"

"no, no! please don't blame yourself," jungkook tries, wishing he was close enough or even brave enough to take your hand. you look up at him and he catches a glimpse of the endless pool of love you harbour for him, like a punch to the chest. "i don't ever want you thinking this was your fault. so ple-" he pauses. "wait, formula?"

the door bursts open before he can finish, pitter patter steps rounding his bed until it reaches the other side, where you sit. a little girl with big dark eyes and curls of dark hair stares at him in wonder and elation, her cheeks dimpling just like yours before she screeches, "appa!"

jungkook's mouth goes dry. appa?

you're quick to intervene, putting yourself in the toddlers path to scoop her up in your arms. her grabby little hands struggle over your shoulder, fingers wriggling in attempt to get as close to jungkook as possible. he only stares with wide eyes and an open mouth, heart hammering in his chest when he sees the uncanny resemblances: his round nose. your brown skin but just a twinge fairer. his hooded eyes. and his stomach lurches.

"shhh, eunmi," you coo as you carry her away even with her squirming. "remember what i said before? appa is sick. appa is sick, baby-"

"we have a child?" jungkook wheezes, eyes starting to glaze over. there's a bout of silence when you look back at him guiltily, the baby's fumbling grinding to a halt when she registers the tension in the air. jungkook's breath is barely a whisper. "is that my daughter?"

your face crumples with a fresh bout of tears and eunmi looks on worriedly. she pushes her little lips into your cheek in a baby's kiss, like she's seen her father do so many times to get your attention. the word "amma," is muffled into your skin until you get yourself together and press a short kiss to her head.

yoongi rushes in, face twisted in apology. "i swear to god i turned around for one minute and-"

"it's okay, yoongi," you say quietly, stroking the baby's head. "eunmi, stay with uncle just a bit longer, okay? amma will be back in a minute..."

"appa," she whines over your shoulder, reaching for jungkook who sits helplessly in his bed. he watches with tears wetting his eyelashes, heart twisting in agony at the sight of his child he doesn't remember stretching her arms out for him. she begins to cry when he doesn't react or coo her. like he used to.

"take her, yoongi," you say shakily, passing the baby to him. the sound of eunmi's crying makes your heart shatter all over again, yoongi's quiet hushing doing nothing to qualm her sobbing as the heavy door closes behind them.

the silence that falls between the two of you is nothing short of excruciating. jungkook's head spins, completely overwhelmed: is that why you both got married so young? because of a child? was this why jimin and namjoon wouldn't say a damn thing about his life until he spoke to you first?

and then all the other questions that followed: was he a good father? when was his daughter's birthday? did she like kimchi and banana milk too? did he sing to her? read to her often?

would she ever forgive him for not being able to remember her?

"her name is eunmi," you say, looking down at the floor when jungkook starts to cry.

x

x

x

jungkook doesn't understand how his baby could be so pretty. she's golden brown like those sandy beaches on postcards, with chubby cheeks and twinkling dark eyes that resemble yours to a t, and that's when he realises of course she's beautiful. she's yours. you balance eunmi on your hip while you make coffee - decaf, since you're still weaning - and despite the amnesia jungkook feels like he's been here before, in this warm, happy place that is the kitchen.

"she got your nose though," you remind him, dumping the baby in his lap upon her fussing. she always seemed to wind down under his touch, and although nervous about the sudden responsibility of fatherhood, jungkook is compelled to give it. eunmi doesn't understand anything's changed so he doesn't see why he should act like it. "she's whiny before her milk too. like you."

"hey!" he retorts, but can't exactly defend himself. he twirls his fingers around her curly pigtails until she catches on and tries to stand on his thighs, reaching for his hair to yank. jungkook lets her. he's barely known his daughter a week and he's already so smitten he'd let her gut him open with a butter knife.

"she missed you, you know. when you were in hospital all this time," you say, making him look up to watch you stare into your drink. the fear still lingers in your eyes, faint and persistent. he can see it every time you look at him and it makes his body yearn to touch you like he once did, like he once would have before his brain unlearned everything his heart didn't. you laugh while watching eunmi pull his hair again, making him hiss. "even yoongi tried but no one coddles her as much as you."

"really?" he asks, face lighting up. he's so happy to hear that. jungkook hates the way the question bubbles up in the back of his throat, like it'd make a difference or it'd change how he felt. but he has to ask it. "is that why...is that why we got married so early, then?" he says, trying to sound as offhand as possible. "because of eunmi?"

you chew your lip. "yeah. i mean, you said it wasn't a big deal. because you were going to marry me eventually so it didn't make a difference, but...it doesn't really matter i guess, because that's not what everyone else thinks," you pause, tracing the rim of your mug again. "that's certainly not what your fans think."

jungkook doesn't even want to think about it. the backlash, the gossip, the name calling and dehumanisation. for the first time in his life jungkook couldn't give less of a shit about his reputation. "i'm sorry," he says, feeling like the word has lost meaning by now with how much he's said it. "i'm so sorry. not for this, for us or for eunmi. i don't regret any of that i just," he shifts the baby in his lap, still getting used to her weight. "i can only imagine what you went through."

you look a bit bewildered. "...you said that last time too." you smile again reassuringly. "please don't feel solely responsible, kook-ah. you didn't exactly get me pregnant on your own."

he flushes tomato red and you giggle at him until eunmi joins in too.

x

x

x

jungkook can't keep his eyes off you while you play with the baby, comb out her hair, sing her lullabies while you bathe her together. he'd always wanted a whirlwind romance as a teen and it looks like he finally got it, because he can feel himself fall head first in love with you (all over again). it didn’t make sense for someone to be so collected and easygoing after having motherhood forced onto you so abruptly. you tell him often that he's a picture-perfect dad, but jungkook still doubts he compares.

"does she need a change?" he asks, struggling to keep all of eunmi's wriggling limbs in his grip.

"nope, just hungry," you say, reaching out when he passes the baby to you. you're about to stand up and go to the guest room to feed her, but jungkook is already arranging the pillows next to him for you, grabbing a baby cloth on the side too.

"do you need another pillow?" he muses aloud, but he's already grabbing the ones on his side of the bed before you can answer, forming a wedge for you to sit nicely beside him. he looks up at you when you fail to move. "are you okay?"

"yeah i, um," you chew your lip nervously. "you don't...mind me feeding here?"

you immediately regret the question once it leaves your mouth. jungkook's crestfallen expression hits you right in the stomach, round eyes glittering up at you. he hasn't looked this upset since he woke up nearly a month ago. "why would i ever mind?”

"oh jungkook," you sniff, sitting beside him. he pulls you into the nest of pillows beside him, arm winding protectively around your shoulders. your eyes brim with sympathy tears, tired and angry and upset with treating him like a stranger.

"if i make you feel uncomfortable, i can go," he offers quietly. "if it makes you feel weird i understand..."

"no, not at all," you rush to stop him, suddenly realising how close you are. you could kiss his pink little lips if you just tilted your head up. "i just didn't want to make you feel weird. all this new stuff is happening to you, you're suddenly a husband and a father with no recollection of signing up or it and i just...i don't know how much you want to invest the second time around," you scramble to finish your sentence when he pins you with a concerned expression. “as in, i understand if you don’t want to make the same choice twice. it’s a big decision.”

he shakes his head dismissively. there wasn't a thing in the world that could make him turn his back on his family but it looked like you still needed convincing. he peers at you curiously when you position the baby. "so i can stay?"

you smile at him eagerly. "of course," you undo the nursing strap of your bra before the baby finally latches. "i actually prefer it when you're here. it makes me feel safe."

jungkook watches quietly while you hum for the baby, playing with her little hand while she drinks. the adoration seeps out of him in waves, how serene you look while you rock her, how angelic eunmi looks while she blinks her big doll eyes up at you both. she won't stay this little forever. he feels so overwhelmed by it, gathering you further in his arms with the urge to hold his family in his hands like a diamond. you don't question the little sniffles jungkook buries into your hair, resting your head on his shoulder wordlessly. you missed being held by him, missed his cotton scent and gentle breath.

"i love her so much," he whispers into the shell of your ear, entranced by the baby's little gurgles and gulps. he reaches out to run his knuckle over the velvet of her cheek, round and stuffed with milk. "i feel like i'll die, i love her so much."

"me too," you smile. "it was scary and hard for a long time but...i'm so glad we had her. i wouldn't trade her for anything."

you feel jungkook's lips trace your temple, heart stuttering upon the sudden contact. you hear what he doesn’t say: i wouldn't trade either of you.

x

x

x

"why are you so sweaty?" jimin scowls, noting the dark patches under jungkook's t-shirt when he tries to take the baby from his arms. "it's not even humid today."

jungkook doesn't do anything but gulp and cuddle a sleeping eunmi closer to his chest. she's become somewhat of a security blanket for him; even if she wasn't awake to play, he was always itching to hold her and nuzzle into her head when he's tense or embarrassed. like now.

"leave him alone, you know he sweats when he's shy," yoongi grins.

"stop it," jungkook mumbles.

"shy? what for?"

"because he's got a crush on his wife," namjoon snickers, knowing jungkook would whack him one if his arms weren't around his kid. "why are you looking at me like that? it's true!"

"but you can't just say it! she'll hear!" he hisses.

"you're married," jimin deadpans but it only makes the younger boy curl in on his baby more. "god, this reminds of when you two met. remember how he used to hide behind manager hyung every time ____ came in? and then i had to listen to them fuck in the next room for a year only to end up back here all over again-"

"jungkook," you call. "where did these come from?" you walk into the sitting room with a bouquet of yellow roses nestled in your arms. "did a fan send them? i didn't see a note they were just on the worktop-"

"th-those are for you," he mumbles. "i got those for you."

you look so pretty when you stare it makes him sweat harder and the three older boys all but burst a vein in their head trying not to laugh when leaving the room. there's an awkward silence where you clutch the flowers and he clutches the baby. "thank you," you say finally. "they're beautiful, i love the colour yellow..."

his big doe eyes round up to look at you even though the lower half of his face is smushed into pigtails. "you're welcome."

"can i kiss you?" you blurt out, too fast to stop it. your cheeks are still stinging and you're pretty sure you have baby powder in your hair but jungkook looks at you with awe as he nods so vigorously his earrings shake.

so you do, leaning over the arm of the sofa to press your mouth over his long enough for both your breaths to catch. you pull away, moving to sit next to him so his free arm can wind around your shoulders when you kiss him again. "please," he mumbles when you part. "please don't ask to kiss me. just do it," he leans for another long, warm kiss that leaves you light headed. "stop tip-toeing around me, okay? we're married. i know i scare easy, but not that easy."

you feel giddy, finally feeling the weight being lifted piece by piece. "okay," you peck his mole endearingly before scooting up for another kiss. "i missed this."

"me too," he hums into your mouth. "it feels like the first time but also...not the first time, you know? not just because i don't remember but like," he doesn't know how to say it, wetting his lips thoughtfully. your chapstick is cherry flavoured, his favourite. "like we've been doing this for longer than both of us even realise. longer than this life."

"i know," you nod. "i know."

x

x

x

after a while, you forgot about jungkook's amnesia altogether. even though the chances of him making a full recovery were slim, it all felt so normal and back to routine, all the kissing and the cuddling and the playing with eunmi. there was almost no room for trepidation anymore. until now.

you moan into jungkook's mouth when he pulls you onto his thighs, big hands palming your ass when you grind into him. he's only mildly concerned that he'll cum in his pants at this rate but he doesn't fret too much: that was secondary to undressing you and touching you and pleasing you and making you scream as loud as he could make you without waking the baby. he has nearly three years of re-learning your body to catch up on and he's eager to start.

he's quickly reminded during this process that you are a master. you know exactly where to kiss him, exactly how much pressure to kneed into his cock with your hips, exactly how much tongue he wants in his mouth until he's whining and damp for you. of course you know his body like the back of your hand - your child wasn't conceived from thin air. it makes him all the more desperate to learn, almost antsy to get his mouth and hands on you until you're writhing and breathless beneath him.

you gasp when you feel his hand slip between your legs, rubbing his fingers over your shorts. you automatically rock your covered wetness into his touch, the long whimper you muffle into his neck sending jungkook soaring through the clouds with pride. you're so lost in the feeling, having missed it so much, you're barely able to squeak a stop! when he hooks his fingers inside the waistband of your panties.

his eyes shoot open. "what's wrong?"

"j-jungkook," you shuffle in his grip, feeling so embarrassed under his scrutiny you don't know where to look. "it's not that i want you to stop but. listen, just," you cling to his shoulders, shivering when his hands drag reassuringly up to your waist. "just remember that...i've had a kid, okay? i'm not gonna look like before."

he blinks. "i don't remember what you looked like before."

"no, i mean like," you lick your lips, tasting him there. "it's still something to keep in mind. i'm not gonna be as smooth and perky in places like all those idol girls you perform next to, so just-" he watches you fumble nervously in his lap, the growing disbelief making him blink. "don't expect too much okay? things might not look the way you imagine them to and i don't want you to feel-"

"stop," he cuts off, tugging you so you're seated over his erection again. the look jungkook pins you with is so intense you can feel your pulse thrum in your ears, the harsh rise and fall of his chest making him appear that much more passionate. "this body," he slips his hands up your top, palming your skin. "made my child. i take offence to it being spoken about with anything less than admiration, even by you."

"kook-ah," you say nervously, but still let him remove your pj top over your head before you laying you under him on the bed. you don't know why your eyes suddenly prick with tears when he traces over your stretch marks and discoloured skin with his smooth lips. "this kept my daughter warm," he kisses under your navel, sliding up to your heavy breasts. he kisses each darkened nipple, swollen from the baby's mouth. "these feed her." he rises further still, before planting his mouth on your forehead in a short peck. "and this raises her. so how can i be anything but proud to touch you?"

"jungkook, stop," you sniff, tears wetting your lashes. your eyes fall shut when he wipes them away with his thumb, lips ghosting over your cheeks and nose.

"what did i say about tip-toeing around me?" he whispers, forcing you to look him in the eye. only then do you see the tears there, all the ardour and respect he holds for you pooling in those brown depths. "i'm your husband. let me be your husband."

you kiss him before you can start crying again, letting him part your mouth and taste you long and hard before finally undressing himself and slipping your shorts off. this is all a first for him, and it's been so long since you've done this it's almost like a first for you too, frantic and messy and desperate to feel jungkook lodged inside you where he belongs. you know he must share the sentiment when he splits your thighs over the narrow of his hips, hooking them there while he gets a good look of his erection rubbing through your slick.

no wonder i knocked her up, jungkook muses faintly. i don't think i can ever stop doing this.

"jungkook, please," you run a hand through his hair, grinding against his cock in encouragement but he still won't take the plunge. instead, your voice reminds him of his initial objective, causing him to saunter down between your legs faster than you can process. he's licking into you before you can have a second thought about it, mouth falling open with a loud moan when he traces around your clit in firm circles.

he has your knees over his shoulders and his arms wound around your hips so you have nowhere to go, nothing to do but buck into his attentive mouth, jungkook's groans vibrating against you until you can barely keep yourself together - he's always enjoyed this as much as you have. which is why he takes his time, explores every crevice and subsequent response, relishing in the gush of wetness when he does something right. he even goes as far as holding his tongue stagnant against your folds so you have no choice but to rub yourself into him for friction, so entranced he is by your invigorating reactions. only when you're squirming and whimpering with deliriousness does he finally give in and resume a steady pace over your swollen clit, two fingers sliding in home so you have something to come around. and you do.

messy and wet and shrieking into the pillow by your head so that you're muffled enough to not wake the baby down the hall, your orgasm drawing out longer than normal as you do your best to ride it out. jungkook carries you through it, gulping down as much of your arousal as he can manage until your hips finally drop back into the bed in post-climax exhaustion. on the contrary, the only reason he stops lapping at you is because you tug him away by the hair, bringing him up to you and between your legs again before he can do anything about it.

he splutters with a moan at the sudden contact of your wetness against his cock again, eyes fluttering shut and allowing you to bring him in, arms and legs winding securely around him so that you're flush against each other, hips rocking in tandem. jungkook is so caught up in the feeling - not the sex but the safety of being held, being connected like this - that you're the one to reach down and position his tip against your hot center, before finally running your hands down your husband's back to cup his ass and shove him into you.

jungkook gasps, breath shaking at how tight you are. you're so hot, so snug around him his eyes shut upon instinct, letting your hands guide his hips and showing him how to move in that perfect rolling motion that you're only familiar with after years of practice. and jungkook, of course, is a fast learner. it doesn't take long for him to take the reigns and fuck you just how you like it, adding in a sharp snap of his hips every now and again just to listen to you squeak in surprise. the wet sounds of your joined arousal coupled with you moaning under him is near cathartic, sending him hurtling to his finish line.

but before he can get there you shift him over, thick thighs helping you roll and pin him under you on the bed. jungkook grapples at your waist when you resume a slower but harder rock of your hips that has his length grinding against your clenching walls, his head thrown back at the intensity of it. you ride him through it, peppering the moles on his pretty neck with kisses and sucks, mouth finding his stiff little nipple to give it a swirl too. it's exactly what he needs to finish off, fingers digging into your flesh as he bucks wildly, filling you full of his seed while he calls your name. you slow to a stop when his hands finally fall limp on your thighs, his chest heaving under you and covered in sweat. you giggle. he always got so sweaty.

"you did so well, kookie," you whisper, kissing his damp neck and collar bones. his arms are suddenly around you again for comfort. "you were so good for me...always so good to me..."

"you," he croaks finally, eyes half lidded and a little delirious. "you didn't finish?"

you giggle at his genuine concern, pecking his wet lips. "i got mine, remember?"

"how many times?" jungkook is suddenly alert, tugging your wrist to get your attention before you can climb off him. his other hand is still around your middle so moving was out of the question until he allowed it. he was still inside you. "how many times do i usually make you come?"

you blink in embarrassment. you never really thought about it, let alone counted. "um...i don't know..." he waits for an answer, awfully serious about it. "a-at least two or three, i guess."

you yelp when he flips you back over, fingers immediately prying your cum soaked folds apart to nestle inside. "then don't act like we're done."

[rfamess]

RFA + V and Saeran at a party!!

alright friends. picture this: a party. what kind of party? that is for you to think about. i’ll give my 2 cents on what they prefer, but their behaviors still stand. If you’ve ever been to a party, (and I consider just hanging w friends a party as well... literally anything is a party if you want it to be a party) you know DAMN WELL you can find a specific type of person at every single function. we’ve got the corner standers, we got the emotional rollercoaster, the bitches getting crossed, the couch chillers, the flirt, the table dancer. you get the vibe.

in short, this is a (very) drunk rfa at a party.

Jumin

- you already know this guy only drinks wine.

- two bottles; one red, one white (very bold) double fisting them.

- wine drunk is the best drunk lemme tell ya.

- he is just so relaxed. GODDAMN he’s chill

- he’s so chill that he could walk up to zen and take a drag of a cig. shocking. why would he do that? he would never do that! (he’s drunk bby)

- personal morals have left the chat

- definetly happy and very social. Likes to tell very good stories— and they are good. very funny guy

- total opposite from his work self, which many people know. it’s refreshing to see him let loose

- and when i say let loose i mean let loose

- oh, the function? he owns it. not only is he the life of the party, it’s actually in his penthouse. he literally owns it.

- he has the potential to throw a gatsby-like party, but he likes to stick with his close friends and colleagues. people are allowed to bring a plus one. the more the merrier. but not too many lol

Zen

- oh this guy? he’s a professional partier. balls to the wall type drinker.

- shotgunning beer, pong master, stack cup, ride the bus, shots, up jenkins. he plays them allllll

- very competitive. VERY. he gets really into it, but he’s not like a competitive jock type, he’s just very passionate.

- he will accept his losses with grace and dignity, as well as with a nice handshake with his opponent.

- his passion sometimes causes him some accidents. will probably bump into you, apologize and call you some sweet pet name, and then return back to his zone.

- everyone loves to talk to him. not just bc he’s handsome, but he is just so genuinely nice and can hold a great conversation, even while completely obliterated.

- he’s the kind of guy that goes around and makes sure everyone is having fun

- smooth moves. very flirtatious, duh. can literally charm anyone.

- ngl he’s probably also a horny drunk. he’s not creepy or anything. he is definitely very courteous and respectful, but sometimes he has a lot on his mind...

- you can probably find him at one of jumins gatherings, at a work friends house, clubs, etc.

- he also loves themed parties. he really gets into it

Saeyoung/Seven

- he goes so hard.

- another themed party lover. especially costume parties.

- would probably show up in a costume even if it in fact was not a costume party.

- sorry, have you ever listened to tik tok by kesha? seven literally IS the party. “the party don’t start til I walk in”

- freestyle dances literally any chance he gets. definetly starts a dance circle— everyone loves a good dance circle

- he’s not a good dancer. he’s not bad either. but dancing with the stars is not in his future

- he’s wasted, but even if he wasn’t, he’d still be the life of the party. it just becomes magnified by however many drinks he’s had.

- very much parks and rec tom haverford vibes. snake juice episode. classic.

- he gets antsy to build things for no reason. tries to do small physics balancing things or maybe just do something productive, like cooking. he never cooks so he has no idea what he’s doing. will probably set the smoke alarm off, sprinklers will be going and people will be partying with INDOOR RAIN.

- that’s his legacy— the guy who set off the sprinklers at that party that one time

- you could probably find him crashing random peoples parties. he hears one going on in some apartment on the street and somehow he gets in and nobody questions it.

Yoosung

- you already know he gets DRANK.

- he doesn’t drink alcohol, the alcohol drinks HIM.

- he always goes over his limit. not bad enough where he’s incapacitated, but he for sure blacks out a lot of the time

- he’s kind of like a mix of his two besties ;) zen and seven. he’s a dancer, but he’s a COMPETETIVE DANCER. lol he probably challenges people to a dance off or contest. also likes table top games.

- he is prone to.... emotion. which is okay! but it happens

- once in a blue moon he’ll cry over something minor, but then start crying-laughing over it 2 seconds later.

- he finds a wii console buried tucked away in a drawer somewhere. he really brings it together when mario kart or wii sports resort gets pulled out. especially if it’s the sword play one. his find gets him clout at the party lol

- probably sees someone he thinks he wants to talk to... he overthinks how to approach them a little too much. but he’ll take a shot and go do it

- it always works out, he’s very friendly and likeable.

- he attends his college parties and always ends up making friends but he’s also hammered so he might not remember it much.

- probably wakes up in a random field somewhere the next morning. he is very confused.

Jaehee

- she goes to town on hard liqour. she can handle it alright.

- genuinely wants to fight everyone. not in a bad way, more of a “let me show you how fucking strong i am” way. it sure brings an audience

- people accept her challenges— she always beats them. probably turns them into drinking competitions too.

- like zen, she’s very competitive. she might lose her composure a little bit, but always self soothes and gets right back into it.

- 2 words: HYPE. WOMAN.

- she can get ANYONE excited about ANYTHING. always cheering others on and having them break out of their comfort zone (if they choose to do so).

- very big emotions. fangirls a lot. flirts a lot. a little dramatic, but she’s very entertaining.

- another great story teller— she loves to talk to people about the things she loves or crazy things that have happened to her.

- once she sobers up a little more, she is quite the helper. she helps clean up, helps people who might be throwing up. she’s a gentle care taker and welcoming presence :)

- she attends house parties a lot. usually her office friends, but sometimes zen brings her to his friends parties.

- she doesn’t party a lot since she works so much but when she does, she goes DUMMY!!

V

- very creative guy. he’ll have a conversation with someone and midway through he goes HOLD THAT THOUGHT!! because he’s had a little intrusive lightbulb moment. runs to go write it down or do a quick sketch then return to said conversation.

- if there’s a hot tub, he’s in it. he’s so in it. he has a glass of champagne and just sits. a lot of the time he never changes he just keeps his clothes on in the water. people question his judgement

- he’s not super animated like a lot of others, he’s more chill, but he’s also very excitable.

- he’s very giggly. anything could make him laugh.

- he really stays true to his hobbies while drunk too.

- photographer/videographer. but since he’s at a party and he’s drunk, they aren’t professional photos. a lot of them end up blurry. but a lot of them turn out great!

- he leaves disposable cameras everywhere so people can just pick them up and take their own photos— he sends out all the pics after they get developed.

- he’s definetly the type to go around making sure everyone is safe and helping them whenever possible. he doesn’t take a lot of time for himself :(

- he parties with jumin at his penthouse. they have a lot of the same friends and it’s a familiar place.

- he doesn’t go to giant parties either, mostly just friends in the comfort of his or someone else’s home.

Saeran

- I don’t think Saeran drinks very much, to be honest. But hypothetically….

- he’s obsessed with making fancy cocktails. they are so beautiful. but they get infinitely worse the more he drinks them lol

- his parties are always with his close friends, probably at his own house. he’s more of a homebody. and the presence of his friends is very grounding

- he really likes to play tabletop-turned drinking games

- he also likes to make games up! kind of like true american in new girl. he’s actually really really good at making up rules on the spot and they always turn out super fun.

- he’s definitely the kind of guy you want at your party if you want to have a lot of fun just doing random shit.

- speaking of random shit, just like his brother he also gets spikes of energy to just go do something. he makes homemade ice cream in a plastic bag. he rearranges the furniture. he will learn magic tricks in about 2 minutes and then show everyone he knows.

- will try and flirt with you. like a lot. he’s incredibly endearing and gets kind of handsy. and by handsy i mean he wants to hold your hand briefly. both of his hands clasped around one of yours.

- he likes to do really harmless pranks. like so harmless that they’re just hilarious. he’ll take someone’s phone and sign them up for mailing lists they don’t want. he might replace a family photo with something else. or maybe just hide behind a wall and jump out and scare someone when they walk by!! PRANK CALLS. classic.

- he’s really funny. like really fucking funny. without even trying. and boy does he love to make people laugh. he’s comedy gold and a pro with the one-liners.

- after drinking he will fall asleep ANYWHERE. on the floor, in a chair, under a desk, on top of a desk, he could fall asleep standing up. all his friends have pictures of him just sleeping in strange places.

[princess-tiger-lily]

Our Cup Runneth Over: SC Rewatch

Alright, it’s been a couple weeks and I’m still kind of devastated it’s over. So the only thing to do is dive into the rewatch.

The pilot is a little weird to watch, now that I know where they all end up and have seen how they grow. They’re all like different people! Moira and Alexis especially - I feel like there are bits of them missing in this episode. Moira’s voice is much closer to Catherine O’Hara’s than it is throughout the rest of the series. I don’t think the accent and the affectations and the vocabulary were quite set. The screaming was absolute perfection, but some of the conversations - like with Stevie about the “stolen” earrings or Alexis in the cafe - felt more grounded than I’m used to Moira being. And Alexis isn’t nearly as fluttery. Her signature shoulder shimmies and kind of awkward dance-y movement are missing.

Stevie and David, though - right off the bat, their first interaction kills me. He’s so frostily polite, even while insulting the motel, and you can tell Stevie likes him immediately. Well, maybe not likes - but she’s ready for the entertainment she knows he’s going to provide.

I gotta say, the timeline of Schitt’s Creek is a never ending nightmare, but I appreciate that it’s fucked from the very beginning. Alexis has known Stavros for three months (excuse me - it’ll be four months next month) and yet it was “last summer” that he left his molly in her glove compartment. The other stuff - Johnny turning 60 recently enough for Starvos to try and do lines with him at the birthday party, her visiting Stavros in rehab, etc - I guess could have happened in that three months, but I don’t see how “last summer” works.

Episode Highlights

That house is ridiculous and I love everything about it

Arguing over whether Johnny needed to actually buy the deed to Schitt’s Creek in order to make the joke (personally, I think yes) which is so not the thing to focus on when your whole world is collapsing

That portrait - oh god, it’s grotesque and so delightful

Look, I’m not above a crude pun. I think the name Roland Schitt is hilarious

The whole “you get murdered first” scene

David and Alexis’ faces when Johnny yells at Roland to “get the fuck out”

The cafe menus

Moira screaming at the lightbulb while looking for her earrings

David’s whole face journey after Stavros breaks up with Alexis

The sad Waltons-esque good-night

Episode Low Points

Look, I’ve got to be honest, I almost didn’t watch past the pilot because of Roland. His name is literally the only thing I enjoy about the character.

Favorite Quotes

The kids?

Pick up a hammer and nail this coffin shut!

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay (seriously - comedy gold)

There’s a pharmacy worth of drugs wearing off on most of us right now

My son’s afraid of moths

You know what, I gotta go ’cause I wanna hit the pawn shop before it closes. I owe my crack dealer a ton of money. You seem like you have this under control, though.

I have asked you thrice now for a towel (I appreciate that while he’s not Moira, David’s vocabulary has it’s own flair for the dramatic)

I’m sorry if I am going through something right now!

Outfit Ravings

Alexis’ pink dress is iconic. But I don’t love the moving day blazer. It’s a little business-y for me. 

Look, I love all of David’s wardrobe. I love when his outfits fall more on the funky side of things, as Stevie would say. Love the playful, artistic side of him, love his cuddly sweaters. But put that boy in a white t-shirt and a leather jacket and there is nothing finer. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. His lounge wear does look very comfortable, though the beanie makes him look like an elf.

I like the spider webbing on Moira’s dress. It’s not too OTT for this first go round, but sets up our expectations. And the broach on her jammies. Just, ugh...**chef’s kiss**

Final Thoughts

A pretty excellent pilot.

[calliecat93]

RvB17 Episode 10 Review: Killing Time

Wasn’t last week fun kids? Nothing like Wash having to accept being shot and Genkins tricking Chrovos into making him the Big Bag to get you pumped up, right? COMEDY GOLD, HUH?! So yeah, we’re in the home-stretch people. With our heroes one paradox away from saving time and Genkins now having ultimate power and preventing their efforts, what’s going to happen next?

Overview

Time resumes, and Wash is stunned that he didn’t get shot. He’s prevented from trying any further by Locus, who outright tells him in a pleading tone to not get shot. The shootout rages on as Wash tries to figure out what’s going on, no longer able to jump into past versions of himself. At this point, he realizes that Donut isn’t there… well not the Donut they know, S15 DOnut is there. If you recall, at this point Donut was in Chrovos’ domain with The Hammer and that’s where he is now… kinda. He isn’t in the past, he’s back in the present and he sees Chrovos’ now weakened state. She confirms that Genkins betrayed her and put them into this new situation… but since Genkins is now essentially going along her own plan, she also knows how to stop it.

The shootout ends and the S15 Reds and Blues and Locus go to deal with Temple, leaving Wash and the S16 versions alone. They try to figure out what to do now. Ont he upside, they now have a time gun again which Simmons tries to use… only to find that he can’t go through it. Yep, Genkins has completely blocked them from traveling through time. Wash does a brief test though, having Grif go into the hallway and open another portal which acts essentially as a view screen. Grif takes the moment to trick Simmons into running into it again, which provokes the latte rot shoot at him… which the bullets actually go through. Take a note of this.

With this knowledge, Wash opens a portal to reach Donut, who is utterly done with Chrovos as she tries to trick him into listening to her. He refuses, not at all impressed with her theatrics, as he tells her to tell him how to beat Genkins. Chrovos confirms that the only way is to use the weapon that beat her before: the club. What club you may ask? Remember the golf club hat Genkins had last season that the Gods gave Caboose? Yeah, that club was the one sued to defeat Chrovos, so it can be used on Genkins. Speaking of, Donut deducts that if he’s going through the same plan again, it means that he’s gone back to where he created the second crack way back int he beginning: Chruch’s first death in Season One.

Indeed, Genkins has possessed Church one more. But this time, he isn’t even bothering with acting. He’s acting far crazier and boastful than before, outright mocking Sheila so that she’ll shoot him and he’ll block the barrel as he did before. But after Simmons points out that objects can still go through the portal, Donut and Wash quickly agree on a plan. Wash uses the Time Gun, first to distract Genkins and then to load the club right into Sheila’s barrel. Genkins realizes this too late as Sheila fires, the club piercing straight into Genkins and pinning him into the canyon wall. His holographic form even fluctuates as a result.

If the intent was to kill Genkins however… not only does this not work, but this drives him utterly insane. Everything fluctuates before going white, and the Reds and Blues (minus Donut and Doc) find themselves in a new location. Genkins is there as well, ripping the club out of himself as the Reds and Blues open fire, but it fails. Genkins says that he brought to somewhere ‘’special’ and hopes that they like labyrinths. Which… well, if you all recall from Episode 13 of the last, it was explained that Burnstorm constructed one to seal Chrovos in. Not only that, but Kali said that they’d have to fight the demons and ‘shosts of history’ within it to reach the TIme God. As it turns out, she meant that in the most personal sense possible.

Tucker draws his sword… but then finds everyone gone, including Genkins. He yells for them to be brought back. We then cut to Sister, who is standing in the rain in front of a very worn down house. She knows this place, calling out for her mom and saying that she’s sorry for something that she did. Yes, we just seemingly saw the place where Sister and Grif grew up. But this isn’t the real place, just a vision. All of them are stuck in some kind of nightmare/bad memory, the floor under them piecing off. The episode ends with our heroes floating into the darkness, reeling in horror at the memory that they are trapped in.

Review

Holy fuck guys. I knew going in that this episode was going to hurt like Hell. But… damn, I was NOT expecting it to go the way that it went. That cliffhanger man. You can tell that Miles really is supervising Jason’s writing because that is RWBY levels of evil right there.

Okay, so before we talk about the ending, let's talk about everything else. Which really… there isn’t too much. Genkins has utterly cut off the Reds and Blues ability to time travel, even with the Time Gun. So they’re all stranded int he past… but somehow, Donut was put back int he present. Chrovos said that her and Donut’s timelines are connected, so I supposed that it either has to do with how Chrovos’ domain works or it’s due to Donut being revived via her essence. Either one makes sense and leaves him in an utterly vulnerable position since he can do nothing to help the others. It was nice to see him utterly done with Chrovos’ bullshit and refusing to fall for her pleading. Seriously, Dan Godwin’s delivery was A+ during those moments.

Speaking of Genkins… the guy has utterly lost it. He’s always been a dick since his introduction, but he seems to have just lost any sanity that he had. Might be due to the power he got, might just be that he’s gotten over-confident. Either way, he’s not even trying to play along anymore. He has ultimate power. He is essentially time itself. He doesn't have to act like Church anymore since he can now do whatever he wants. It feels like he’s having a Felix-esque breakdown, only control over the situation hasn't escaped him yet… mostly. He did plan properly on blocking the guys time travel efforts… but utterly neglected to realize that they can still send objects. As such, he gets brutally stabbed by his own golf club. Which damn, that looked brutal. On par with Biff in S15, only Genkins deserved it. Big time.

But of course, it doesn’t work. Which leads us to that ending. Ho boy that ending! So the labyrinth was mentioned back in S16 as the place where they kept Chrovos. So this is likely right under where Chrovos and Donut are right now. First, I am annoyed at the lack of a treadmill, dang it! Second, it’s an awesome design. IDK if they made it or it’s a Halo 5 map, but damn it is perfect. Then… there is what this place does. So it’s not 100% clear, but it looks like that Genkins has trapped everyone in some kind of nightmare/worst memory scenario. It’s hard to say which one, but considering how Kalirama described it before… yeah, this makes sense.

So far we’ve only seen Tucker and Sister’s scenarios, but they’re pretty damn brutal. Tucker’s isn't too much, just him being left alone and demanding his friends back. Which fits his issues, especially after reliving the loss at Crash Site Bravo. But then we have Sister’s, and holy fuck. So assuming that the house we see is the one where she and Grif grew up… damn. We all knew that their childhood sucked, but this is the first glimpse of it we’ve gotten in canon and… damn. But then we have Sister calling out to her mom, saying sorry and that she ‘shouldn’t have left’ and stuff along those lines. Is she talking about leaving to find Grif? Was her mother against it? Or is it something else? Whatever the reason, not only does this open a more serious side to Sister’s character that hasn’t been touched on, but really raises a lot of questions about Sister and her mom, and in turn maybe Grif as well. We’ll see if it goes any further.

It’s hard to say for anyone else. I’m really hoping that these don’t turn out to be jokes. I can live with Lopez’s being a joke (cause let's be real, just being among the others is his nightmare) and maybe even Sarge. But I feel like this is a golden opportunity for the others. It’s a good chance to look into their psyche like never before, even just for a little while. I   already think of several different scenarios for Grif alone. As for how they’ll get out of it… best I can think is Donut somehow finds out and is forced to trust Chrovos in order to save them. I kinda hope they get out of it and beat the shit out of Genkins, but we’ll see. Huggins could also maybe get the Cosmic Powers if she goes back to when she had just been Black Hole’d. Only time will tell. Either way… yeah, we’re in for one Hell of a ride.

Final Thoughts

This was one Hell of an episode. It left me stunned. Like… S16 finale stunned. But it was a super fun ride and ended on one Hell of a cliffhanger that’s already making the wait for next week unbearable. We have two episodes to go, and still so much ahead of us. I can't say that I’m ready for it, but hey I’ve made it this far. Great episode, and can’t wait for next time!

[popwasabi]

“Crazy Rich Asians” Review: Support This Movie So I Can Stop Being Angry

Directed by Jon M. Chu

Starring: Constance Wu, Henry Golding, Michelle Yeoh, Gemma Chan, Awkwafina

 “Crazy Rich Asians” might be the first film I’ve ever been nervous about seeing.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust that director Jon M. Chu would properly represent Asian Americans in a way most Hollywood films don’t but I found myself worried not about whether I would like the movie but whether others would. You see, in the theater full of mostly Asian people I saw it with there was a row of five middle-aged white people right in front of me and my mind immediately went to the gutter thinking “will these people laugh at anything that isn’t a stereotype in this movie?”

(White people be all like: “Why do Asians all look the same?”)

Obviously that’s an unfair assumption to make but Hollywood makes it for them all the time. Rarely producing films that give being Asian any nuance or depth beyond being smart, martial arts masters or more infuriatingly submissive enablers of a white protagonist over their own stories.

A part of me didn’t care about enjoying it so long as it made an impression on Hollywood and larger film-going audiences; I needed this film to succeed because it could mean so much more for representation and inclusion down the line.

Luckily, from what it looks like, the film is trending well and in the end managed to warm my cold dead heart with its whimsical rom-com charm, even if parts of it devolved into the predictable.

Based on the bestselling book by Kevin Kwan, “Crazy Rich Asians” follows the story of Rachel Chu as she and her boyfriend Nicholas Young travel to visit his family in Singapore for his brother’s wedding. Unbeknownst to her, Nick hasn’t been completely forthcoming about his family’s lifestyle and as it turns out he is part of the richest family in Southeast Asia. Now Rachel finds herself in a battle to establish herself in front of his matriarchal mother and prove to her that she’s worth it to Nick.

In writing this review over the last few days it’s been very hard to convey how I’ve felt about this film without going on an angry tangent about Asian representation as a whole in popular cinema. It’s pretty much impossible for me not to talk about it so I’m going to try to talk about this as briefly as possible before I get into the film itself and where it stands personally for me.

(Me trying to avoid writing 10,000 words of pent up rage over the first couple drafts..)

There have definitely been better movies to come out, even in recent years, about the Asian/Asian American experience in the west and more than a few starring all Asian casts, writers and directors. Last year’s, much smaller film, “Gook” for instance gets much more personal about race and the ugliness of society.Even as far as comedies go “Seoul Searching” (which is on Netflix) is a funnier more relatable take on the issues and themes raised in this movie.

(Also, if you didn’t know already, Justin Chon is a GREAT actor and needs to be in more movies. Or at least directing them.)

But as many in the media have pointed out already, this is historic in that it’s the first MAJOR film of this kind since “Joy Luck Club” and to finally have a film featuring this type of cast, director and story with big corporate backing is huge for representation whether you find the film underwhelming or not.

Over the last couple years, whitewashing has become a more recognized topical issue in Hollywood than ever before as Asian American audiences are speaking up more loudly about problematic casting and writing choices that Hollywood and apologists find all kinds of excuses for. Despite plenty of evidence to support otherwise that “bankable” stars don’t guarantee box office draws and that Asian Americans are the largest movie-going demographic per-capita in the country, Hollywood still will place relatively unknown white actors in lead roles on huge box office productions (look at the history of Hollywood trying to make Armie Hammer a thing) while simultaneously telling people like myself that people who look like me can’t be mainstream draws.

If for nothing else, cast more Asian Americans because it’s the right thing to do. The representation and inclusion is waaay overdue and if I have to hear “Just make your own movie” or “People from (insert Asian country here) don’t care” one more God damn time I will tear my fucking hair out! Kevin Kwan had to FIGHT to keep the role of Rachel Chu in this movie Asian and Asians from the mainland and Asians in America, or more broadly in the West, don’t have the same lived in experiences. Not even close!

(Me failing often to maintain my decorum in polite company when these topics are brought up...)

One of the weirdest and most shocking revelations I had coming out of this film is that it was one of the only films I could recall seeing an Asian couple engaging with each other romantically in a Hollywood film for more than five minutes at a time ever. That’s. Fucking. Nuts!

I hope that with the commercial and critical success of this movie what’s left of the skeptics will come around finally (especially the ones in Hollywood) and stop with the dismissiveness. They probably won’t but hey maybe it’ll shut them up for a while at least…

(It gets me through this shit...)

Anyways, now that I’m (mostly) done ranting, as far as the movie goes this is a solid date-night romantic comedy that I’m sure everyone regardless of background can enjoy.

“Crazy Rich Asians” is fairly predictable, albeit with some minor twists, but it still manages to tell a story we’re all pretty familiar with in a unique and often dazzling way.

The first thing that pops out immediately about this film is its visuals as the movie displays a wide array of hues and colors that make the cinematography and the literal richness of the plot truly pop. Its visual eye-candy in the best way, even if it comes across as shallow at times, and if nothing else will keep your eyes glued to the screen as the films moves through its lush scenery.

The soundtrack also helps highlight this between the pop songs and Cantonese renditions of them and director Jon Chu does a great job of splicing it all in together with this group of characters and making their performances even brighter through it.

The cast is the true strength of the film, of course, featuring multiple well-known Asian actors and actresses as well as a few newcomers, who I hope breakout in Hollywood through this film. Constance Wu is delightful, sassy and strong-willed as Rachel Chu and helps shed the stereotype of the meek and submissive Asian women in this story by standing up for herself and not hinging her existence on a man, even one she loves. On the other side of things Henry Golding looks every bit like a star in the making and is charming as Nick Young (even if he is a bit of a Gary Stu character) while also smashing stereotypes about asexuality and unattractiveness in Asian men himself. The two of them have great chemistry onscreen and make a very believable romantic couple and it’s hard, even for an eternal cynic like me, to not be like “Awwwww true wuuuuuv” while watching their romance play out.

(*sniff* It’s so extra yet it’s so beautiful ;_;... *sobs at the extra-ness of the romance*)

There’s a hilarious cast of characters who support Wu and Golding alongside them as well. The always enjoyable Awkwafina plays up her role as the funny best friend very well, the Daily Show’s Ronny Chiang gets in some nice quips and Ken Jeong plays the perverted weirdo perfectly.

The indomitable Michele Yeoh does a great job as the menacing matriarch Eleanor Young but manages to keep it from getting too cliché as the writing adds some nice shades of grey to the character. Her love, even if misguided, is well acted alongside Golding and the two make for an interesting mother/son dynamic that I’m sure plenty will be able to relate to.

The real surprise star, and honestly the most interesting part of the story, actually comes from English actress Gemma Chan who plays Nick’s cousin Astrid. The sub plot involving Astrid and her husband sets up a unique and powerful message about the give and take in relationships and its reflection upon femininity and masculinity. Chan puts in a short but nonetheless thoughtful and sincere performance here and I look forward to seeing more of her in the sequel and hopefully other major film productions.

(That look you give when someone tells you a film starring a dozen or so Asian actors and actresses can’t be a huge box office success)

The film doesn’t have many profound things to say otherwise, it’s again a fairly by the numbers rom-com with a heavy dosage of opulence porn and not to mention some problematic elements, but the one message I hope white audiences take from this film, other than everything I mentioned earlier *gets back on soapbox*, comes from Rachel’s mother at the very beginning of the film.

In the lead up to Nick and Rachel’s big Singapore trip Rachel’s mother warns her about what people of the mainland will think of her when they see her. She states that she may look Chinese and speak Cantonese but, pointing to her heart, they see her as American.

This speaks to a lot of what growing up in this country feels like sometimes for us Asian Americans. That despite many of us being three or four generations deep now in this country we’re seen as foreigners and people from “our country” see us the same way. It’s a deep struggle for our identities and the perpetual foreigner syndrome is a real issue for many of us. Yes, as adults it’s easier for us to shake these insults and micro aggressions but that doesn’t mean it’s still not fucking annoying. Hopefully when white film-goers see this scene they begin to understand that we are as much Americans as anyone else and that seemingly harmless but nonetheless insulting comments like “no, where are you really from” need to be done away with.

(”Where are you from?”---->”Oh I’m from LA.”----> “No, I mean where are you from?”---> “Uhhh California?”----> “No where are you really from?”----> “The United States?...”----> “No where are you REALLY from?”--->*me^*)

I won’t stand here and tell you that Asian Americans have had it worse in this country than other minorities but stereotypes and poor cultural representation, or lack thereof, does contribute to a wide array of issues for us and hopefully this film helps hammer away those regressive viewpoints.

TL;DR “Crazy Rich Asians” is a good date movie and, if nothing else, support this movie so I can go on less rants about Hollywood shitting on Asian Americans.

It may be, at least on the surface, a pretty straight forward romantic comedy but its little nuances and unique commentary on this demographic of people (Even if it talks about a small section of it) makes it a film worth supporting.

Hopefully in the future this film will feel pretty ordinary as representation and inclusion become more accessible things for not just Asian Americans but for people of all backgrounds but until then this is a nice, waaaay past-due, coming out party for Asians across this country and abroad.

 VERDICT:

4 out of 5

*Me awaiting the inevitable “Well actually...” comments that’ll come from this review*

[theexaltedbride]

Just another dance with the Angels.

(Gif is from Ace Combat: Assault Horizon and what inspired me to write this. Can you tell I actually know very little about fighter combat and fighter planes? I hope you are at least entertained reading this.)

The Army of Revalation bombers soared up ahead, close to twenty minutes from their targets. Their forms were familiar to those who studied stealth bombers, but at the same time, so alien in their movements and smooth, gliding, turns. For the allied fighter planes and SAM sites, it was like trying to hunt down a UFO. They adjusted their course with the grace of a dancer, and made the allied planes look clumsy as they moved to take them on. The new course of the AoR bombers took them on a faster path towards yet more civilian targets, a bombing run designed to further break the Alliance’s will to fight. They could have struck a deadly blow to the Allied ground forces and other United Nations or NATO facilities if they tried, but they just couldn’t resist the urge to butcher the innocent, for it would please the unholy God Leviathan and Dark Apostle. 

The AoR and the Dark Apostle thought that they could break the will of the humans that wouldn't submit to leviathan by going for civilian casualties more than they did military targets. But all it really did was inspire more people to fight and preserve military resources for the counterattacks against AoR positions. It would almost be bad comedy, if it wasn’t so tragic, and didn’t claim so many innocent lives.

Their hubris and belief that humanity’s days were numbered, was one of the reasons the allies had yet to give in, despite the decade of global conflict against traitor humans with better tech and weapons, and abominations from beyond our world. 

But their failures were just all the more exploitable for allied forces.

The fighter planes may have been obsolete when compared to the new toys that the AoR had, but they were proven to be effective, and their pilots knew them inside and out. As one the flight pushed their engines as hard as they could, closing the distance as they shattered the sound barrier with their movements sounding like the furious crash of Thor’s hammer several times over. With a combination of night vision, and radar, the pilots were able to see through the darkness and watched as the enemy bombers were highlighted in green diamond shapes that soon turned red, designating them as hostile. 

They managed to close the distance between the fighters and the bombers very quickly, to the point that some of them began to get positive locks, as friendly AA helped their own onboard computers see the enemy bombers, despite their superior Electronic Countermeasures.

Flanking each of the bombers was a trio of delta shaped drones, being piloted from within the bomber itself by extra crew yet another in the near endless number of innovations and advancement the AoR was using to outpace the allied forces.

The drones began to separate from the bombers, and move towards the allied planes, with several of them pulling a breaking maneuver that forced the allied planes to either duck out of the way (thus leaving their back exposed), or risk a mid air collision. A few of the Allied planes took that risk.

“Aguilla two, gun range!” One of the pilots called out, a thick Hispanic accent coloring his words, before opening up with his cannon, a steady rhythm of machinegun fire. The tracer rounds looked like an angry swarm of fireflies racing out towards the drone. The bullets all found their target, smashing into the beetle like drone and blowing gaping holes into its side, severing its connection to the bomber as it fell at an angle the pilot was able to dodge.

Soon others were calling out for one reason or another as the once silent night was lit up with weapons fire, explosions, and the roar of engines.

“I got a lock!” One of the fighter pilots declared, his plane carrying nose art of a grim reaper, with a dead squid in its grasp, the squid being a common symbol to represent the Leviathan by those who wanted to mock it, something the Church of Revelations hated. A missile sailed away from his wing, towards one of the bombers, but went wide, as it failed to maintain a target lock.

“Drone, look out!” A female pilot declared, popping flares and banking to the side as the Drone flew between her and her wingman as if on a kamikaze run.

Their ECM was getting better and better all the damn time. Missiles had a hard time getting a lock and Allied fighters were being forced to rely more on guesses, their own eyes, and getting close enough to use their guns.

“Ready...Break!” someone else called out over the radio, managing to get behind a Drone, and opening up with a 20MM gun in the nose of the plane. The gun rattled with a steady rhythm as the bullets severed one of the drone’s wings off, and left it spinning in a corkscrew like pattern down to the ground.

The bombers were getting closer to their target, despite the best efforts of the fighters, and tracer fire from below was going wide, trying to add its own strength to the assault without hitting allied planes.

“Its getting too far, I cant shake these fucking drones!.” One pilot declared, as three of the offending machines gave chase, before a single sound could be heard over all of the fighting, the sounds of trumpets up above. The drones quickly broke off their assault of the pilots, and instead moved off higher into the clouds, chasing after smaller, winged targets. The Allied pilots did not waste the chance and began to follow after the bombers, closing range.

“Garuda-1, fox two!” one pilot declared, letting lose another missile, and this time, striking a bomber right as it was attempting to open up its bomb bay doors. The missile struck right at the engines, and something seemed to fail within the bomber, causing it to veer off and present its back towards the other allied planes, which descended upon it like a pack of angry wolves. The first and second bomber were quickly assaulted by the fighter planes, striking them with machine gun and missile fire, until both were nothing but scrap metal falling to the sky, but the third and final one continued on its mission, opening up the doors and preparing to drop dead upon an entire city of innocents who huddled in their homes, praying for safety, not knowing where to go and hide from the bombs.

Inside of the AoR bomber, the crew uttered out prayers to Leviathan as they prepared to drop their payload. 

“Glory to the eater of worlds, devourer of souls, long may he feast. He with a thousand masks, he who makes the Angels shiver, he who makes the fallen Lucifer Morningstar tremble at the knees of his father. He who would devour All Father Odin, he who would slay Anubis, that would slaughter even the Ebon Dragon! He that would blot out the sun, turn the moon red, and tear out the heart of mother Gaia. Hail Leviathan! Hail the Leviathan’s Apostle, Hail into the void in a thousand voices!” The bomber crew declared in perfect unison, as they offered up the souls of all that they killed to the Leviathan, and in another time, another place, the Leviathan felt its gibbous maw salivated at the souls being offered up. The pilot finished his own prayers and looked for the best target to strike, but for a split second, he could have sworn that he saw flash of gold out of the corner of his eyes.

“For who is more powerful than Leviathan? Who could pierce his ide? Who could slay the leviathan, the true and undispu-’ before the crew could finish up their final prayers, there was a sudden crash from the bomb bay doors. A furious and feathered form had broken in and with a single punch, it smashes its way into the cockpit of the bomber, wings filing the room, glowing, immaculate, radiant, enough to nearly blind the crew. 

The Angel stood within the bomber, her face a mask of fury that was as terrifying as it was beautiful, her wings golden, perfectly shaped, and yet with feathers as strong as steel and as sharp as surgical razors. The bomber crew was silent for a single second, as the Angel screamed, her voice alone shattering the windows of the bomber, and bursting blood vessels within the crew. 

The allied fighters outside were racing as fast as they could towards he final remaining bomber, ready to fire upon it, when they watched as members of the bomber crew (or even just pieces of them) were thrown through the broken windows of the bomber before the Angel leapt through the superstructure of the bomber, before adjusting her path to grab onto the damaged bomber and begin guiding the bomber away from where it  was descending, soon being joined by the other angels that had finished killing off the drones. Once the human pilots finished admiring the Angels doing their work, they reformed and began flying back to their base for  refuel, repairs, and rearmament. This was a victory, but only a small one in the unending war against the Leviathan.

(Just something I wrote, randomly inspired by the Armageddon End Times roleplaying game. It probably isn't very good but I hope you enjoyed it none the less.)