#the hanzawa masato post….. 3!!!!!

[aranarumei]

the anomalous agate (part two)

now: here's what some of you actually wanted to see yesterday.

a quick rundown for anyone who has no idea what this is: here's ch 1 on tumblr and ao3. I posted an updated version of ch 1 yesterday that flows a bit nicer, and recommend checking that out if you haven't already.

and, while it's even less necessary to do, consider checking this post out, too. the context in which it was written is kind of... irrelevant to this fic, honestly, but it provides a bit of background that I think enhances some of what's going on in this chapter and the next one (that I haven't written yet).

with that out of the way, this chapter is over 7k, so here's the ao3 link if you prefer. (there's also a bit of a longer author's note there at the end) if you'd like to stick to tumblr, follow me under the cut.

edit: part three

case 2-x: the anomalous agate (part two)

Even the usually oblivious Tanimoto-san noticed my listless mood in the following days. It wasn’t unusual for me to worry or speculate about my clients—everyone who stepped into Richard’s store certainly had some kind of interesting quality, but something about Hanzawa tugged oddly at my chest.

To complicate matters, I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. Richard had spent Sunday carrying on as usual, but every once in a while, he’d drift into his thoughts and his brows would furrow like something was bothering him. This wasn’t a trait unique to Hanzawa’s presence, but this was possibly the first time I’d seen Richard look genuinely unsettled instead of troubled.

It wasn’t an expression I liked seeing on his face.

“Seigi-kun, you seem deep in thought,” Tanimoto-san said. “Something on your mind?” 

Class had ended. I flipped aimlessly through the pages of the book on gemstones I’d borrowed from Richard before tucking it into my bag. Somehow, I didn’t quite feel as if I could meet her eyes. “You mentioned there were many gems that did heat treatment, right?” I asked as we began to shuffle out of the classroom. 

She responded with less cheer than usual, and I felt dejected to be the cause. “Oh, yes… not just corundum,” she said. “Beryl and quartz, too. That encompasses a large quantity of jewels which are just named as different forms of these materials, really… heat treatment is used often to change their color. Apart from deepening the red of a ruby, there’s aquamarine—a type of beryl—which is most commonly green-blue. Heat treatment tends to enhance the blue color and really give it that expected ‘aqua’ color. One of the most dramatic transformations, to me, is amethyst—it can turn a deep orange when it’s treated with heat.” 

“Ah—I saw that last weekend,” I said. “It’s meant to mimic citrines, right?”

“Citrines tend to be a paler yellow, actually,” Tanimoto-san said. “But they’re rare—especially ones with a deep orange color. That’s why heat-treatment of amethysts is so common.” She sighed, gaze drifting off in space as we headed to her next class. “When we think of the term ‘citrus,’ the first thing that comes to mind is often an orange, despite the variety of citrus fruits in other colors. Sometimes I wonder if that’s the reason people mistake amethysts for citrine so easily.” 

“It fits with their preconceived notions, huh?” I said, earning an approving nod from Tanimoto-san. “I still remember what you said before—about wanting to appreciate the stones as they were without heat treatment. I thought that was a really beautiful idea.”

She smiled. “I’m glad you think so, Seigi-kun,” she said. We came to a halt in front of her next classroom, but she didn’t go inside just yet. “But we’d talked about this already… is there something else you wanted to ask me?” 

I swallowed around an uncomfortable bit of air. We were early for her class—it wasn’t a particularly long walk from classroom to classroom, but I liked spending time with her—but she usually went directly inside. It’s so nice of her to take time out of her day to worry about me, I thought. But again, I knew that I must have been really out of sorts for her to notice. 

“It was just mentioned in passing,” I said at her prompting, “But… well, a client was discussing agate, and I heard that some of them were dyed. Is that a common process?” 

Her expression immediately soured. For a minute I thought I’d stepped on some kind of conversational landmine, but though she looked unhappy, she spoke without malice. “It’s—not uncommon, no. Agate is porous, so it absorbs dye well, as do any stones like it.” I could see her turning over her words with care. “But… while heat treatment is an irreversible process, dyeing tends to be less effective. The color can fade over time, especially under sunlight, and it may not stain evenly. And depending on what dye is used, it can be removed with solvents like acetone… so it’s a process that’s much less certain.” 

“So, they’re kind of fragile,” I observed, “even if they’re made to look nicer.” 

“Well, they certainly look pretty—the bright colors can enhance how distinct the banding is, so you could argue the dye only enhances the best features of agate and other types of chalcedony, but…” 

“…But?” 

“Dyeing stones is really common for selling fakes,” she said. “And well—I just think that’s inexcusable, to conceal the truth like that. Even though dyed stones can be detected, that’s usually only after they’re sold, right? And this often happens with online purchases, so… I can’t help but feel resentful.” She frowned. “And every time I’ve traveled to see something related to rocks, the gift shop always carried those tumbled and dyed stones! It’s hard to find anything else…” 

“That must be tough,” I said, though it was hard to suppress a smile at the thought of Tanimoto-san scowling in the middle of a gift shop. She usually seemed so magnanimous, and it was nice to see that she had her weak points, too. 

She pouted. “I know it’s a petty reason, okay!” she said. A touch more melancholy, she added, “But every time I see them, I want to stand up and yell at everyone that rocks and minerals are more interesting than that, because it feels like these polished stones and other kinds of jewels are the only kind of beauty that people care about. For all kinds of rocks and minerals… I don’t think they possess a beauty that is just skin-deep. But when you limit the conversation to just rocks, because they look so different, the interests just don’t overlap…” She glanced up at me, seemed to realize that the type of person she was talking about was right next to her, and hurried to clarify. “Ah—I didn’t mean that as a strike against you though, Seigi-kun.” 

“No, I totally understand,” I quickly reassured her. “I mean, in an ideal world, that’s how we want to think of other people, too, right? Without judging based on the outside alone. And I think anyone would want to share their interest with more people. So, if what you like is rarer, or unappreciated, it feels sad, right?” 

“Right,” Tanimoto-san said. She smiled. “…I really am glad we get to talk about gemstones. I always feel like I end up hearing something interesting.” 

Not for the first time, I thought that Tanimoto-san was some kind of angel. I truly didn’t have any questions about rocks to reciprocate with, except— “There’s a few rocks that do count as gemstones, right?” I asked. “Like lapis lazuli.” 

“You remembered!” Tanimoto-san exclaimed. “Lapis lazuli’s a particularly special rock, you know,” she said, a gleam in her eyes. “Historically, it was used to make this very expensive blue paint…” 

“Ah—ultramarine, right?” 

“Exactly!” Tanimoto-san said, clapping her hands in excitement. “Seems like you’re already an expert on it, Seigi-kun.” 

“I just heard it in passing,” I explained sheepishly. “That customer from before—he and my boss talked about ultramarine for a bit.” I paused to recollect the various times I’d spotted the stone in Jewelry Étranger. “Though, the stone looks so unbelievable to me on its own that it feels strange to think it would ever be used for paint…”  

“It is one of the beauties of metamorphism,” Tanimoto-san agreed. Or at least, I was assuming she was. 

“Sorry, but… what exactly is metamorphism again?” I asked. “I feel like I’ve heard the term before, and I just don’t remember.” 

Despite the various expressions I’d put on her face today and in all the other conversations we’d had, this was the first time I’d ever seen Tanimoto-san look truly dumbfounded. It took me a while to even realize that was the expression on her face, until she cleared her throat and said, “I guess you said yourself you didn’t know much about rocks, but… well, I thought this was common knowledge, and maybe it… isn’t?” Worriedly, like she’d just learned she was privy to a secret for which she hadn’t voluntarily been made a confidant, she asked, “I mean, everyone knows that the three common classifications of rocks are sedimentary, igneous, and metamorphic, right?”  

“…That rings a bell?” I said unconvincingly. 

Her eyes flickered towards the classroom—she had only a few minutes before her next class started, so I imagined she would head inside, but instead she squared her shoulders, formed a distinctly “Golgo” look on her face, and said, “Well—metamorphic rocks are basically a type of rock that’s actually a combination of other rocks and minerals. So that’s how lapis lazuli has that beautiful gold coloring—it comes from the pyrite that’s part of the rock. The main blue comes from lazurite, but there’s many more mineral components that are mixed in with an average lapis lazuli.” 

“And metamorphism is how these rocks form?” 

“Right,” Tanimoto-san said. “Basically, they’re put under a lot of heat and pressure, and because of that, the composition of the rock ends up changing—so, for lapis lazuli, all these separate things fuse—or the crystal structure shifts, which is a kind of complicated thing to explain… But by the end, the new rock is distinct when compared to the simple sum of its parts. Something like marble or slate… you wouldn’t call simply a combination of other things, right?” 

“I would never have known unless you told me… that’s amazing,” I marveled. “In a way… it’s kind of nature’s own heat treatment, huh?” 

“That’s true,” Tanimoto-san said. “Just one without any motivation.”

This was something that had always fascinated me regarding jewels. Of course, it was untrue that they existed without human involvement. But before any human had laid eyes upon it, lapis lazuli had always been that brilliant combination of blue and gold. That, to me, was something like a miracle.

“You must have had an interesting customer this week, right?” Tanimoto-san guessed.

I shook myself out of my thoughts. “What?” 

“Well, Seigi-kun, you’re always curious,” she said, “So maybe it’s nothing. But this time you look like you really want to say something to someone.” She tapped the space between her brows. “Don’t let it give you wrinkles, though!” 

With that, she hurried into class, taking her seat just a few seconds before the professor began her lecture. I was left standing dumbly in the hallway, stuck with my swirling thoughts. Though I’d glossed over it at first, I supposed I was of the same mind as Tanimoto-san; dyeing stones felt more like concealment than enhancement. And then I remembered what I likely wasn’t meant to hear—surely that dyed agate is prettier—and reached up to my forehead.

Sure enough, I was frowning. I wanted to pull out my phone and text Richard something along the lines of This is your fault, but that would be truly nonsensical, and really, what I wanted wasn’t to assign something like blame. But since I couldn’t just run to him, I decided to follow Tanimoto-san’s advice and smooth out my expression. 

———

“Ah… Nakata-san?”

Richard had said that most serendipitous encounters were just a natural consequence of learning more about the world, but I was pretty sure this situation was the exclusive work of strange fortune. Though I doubted this surprise encounter would go as badly as the last one had, the sharp sense of déjà vu kept me wary.

Still, I inhaled a breath of crisp morning air, and replied, “It’s alright to call me Seigi.”

I was looking up at the face of Hanzawa Masato, who truthfully had been the furthest thing from my mind in the past few days. That space in my brain had been usurped and summarily overwhelmed by the tedium of classes and assignments. If I had to learn how to draw another kind of economic model using another set of conditions and parameters, my head was going to burst. In fact, my head ached at the thought alone.

Now that we were face to face again, though, the rigamarole of university had all but disappeared from my mind, and I watched his face contort into an expression halfway between awkwardness and concern. The awkwardness was a given—I hadn’t expected to run into him either. Half the reason for his concern was a girl from my university who I’d just learned was called Kaede. And the other half of his concern—a quarter of his total expression—was in response to seeing me, who’d just been shoved into the side of a building.

Maybe that was the reason my head ached. It was certainly the reason I was sitting down and staring up at him.

“Are you okay?” Kaede fretted. She had sunk into a worried crouch in front of me, hands hovering around my head like she could divine the nature of my injuries. 

I pressed a hand to my cheek, which was stinging, but didn’t feel scraped, and hauled myself upright. Any dizziness I’d felt had faded, and though one of my arms felt numb, I’d gotten worse injuries doing karate. “I’m fine,” I said. “It’s just a surface-level injury. Probably looks worse than it is. Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine—not a scratch!” she reported, standing up to demonstrate her lack of injury. “I had no idea he would do that, though. I’m so sorry—” 

“Don’t be,” I cut in before she could self-flagellate. “It’s not your fault at all.” 

Were I feeling charitable, I’d point out that I didn’t think the guy in question had even meant to push me into a wall—he’d just meant to push me and bolt. But he was also the kind of asshole that cornered people against the side of a building, so I wasn’t going to defend him in the slightest. 

“What happened?” Hanzawa asked.

I felt a little ill-at-ease seeing the sheer expressiveness on his face. Of course, it made sense that he’d be so frazzled, considering what had just happened to his friend, but it was uncomfortable to see his lack of composure. Like this, he looked like an ordinary, unremarkable teenager.

Kaede wrung her hands, stumbling through her words. “I—you know that senior who was bothering me? Well, he cornered me, and we started arguing, and then”—she gestured in my direction—“he hit him and ran away.” 

“I heard shouting, so I came over here,” I added when Hanzawa looked to me for further explanation.

It was really as simple as that. After exiting a horrendously early class, I’d heard arguing near the shadowed side of the building. And once I’d seen Kaede telling the other guy to leave her alone, I’d intervened without hesitation. He’d started aggressively posturing at me before shoving me to the side and running away.

The sharp spike of adrenaline I’d felt at the time was now wearing off, and my injuries began to twinge. I took a deep breath, and in an effort not to dash after the guy, I suggested, “We should make a report or something.” 

“Oh, right,” Kaede said, fishing out her phone. “There’s like… campus administration or something, right? Let me find out wherever it’s located.” She paused in thought. “Wait… do you two know each other?” 

“We just met by coincidence once,” I said, figuring that Hanzawa would value his privacy.

It was enough of an answer for Kaede, who just laughed and said, “Masato-kun knows, like, everyone, so it’s not really a surprise!” 

I was relieved to see that she didn’t seem too shaken by everything.

Soon enough, we were pointed the way of campus authorities, and I learned the full story while Kaede made her report. Apparently, this guy had been bothering her for a while after they’d met at a mixer—he’d seen her waiting to meet up with Hanzawa, and then blown up at her when she declined to spend time with him. Since he already had quite a few conduct violations on his record, the administration assured us that they’d act quickly. 

Their urgency might have also been prompted by the blatant injury on my face. Every time someone turned to face me, they would reflexively wince at the circle of reddened skin on my cheek. I’d seen it in a mirror while getting my injuries checked out—I was officially deemed concussion-free, which was a relief—and had flinched at my own reflection in surprise.

Amidst the commotion, Hanzawa stayed level-headed, guiding Kaede through the motions of making a report. Even though he wasn’t a student at my university—a fact which was strangely relieving to confirm—it was like he’d gone through this process before. I thought he’d escort Kaede home, too, but once everything had been squared away, she called some of her university friends to pick her up. They arrived with a slew of inventive insults that seemed to cheer Kaede up in an instant. She thanked me again as we swapped numbers, and then she waved us goodbye as she was whisked away by her friends. 

“You’re not going with her?” I asked. 

“Her other friends will be much better at taking her mind off things,” he said. “Besides, they all go to your university, so they can accompany her during classes.” He turned to face me as he spoke, and though he didn’t wince, his gaze lingered on my cheek.

“I’m alright,” I said. “I even got an ice pack when we were making the report.”  

“Still…” Hanzawa said. Hesitantly, he asked, “Could I treat you to lunch? Or a coffee?” 

The sun was high in the sky. On one hand, I wasn’t particularly hungry, but coffee sounded nice, and I didn’t have classes until later this evening. On the other hand, Hanzawa looked like he was already regretting the offer.

But Tanimoto-san was right; I had a few things I wanted to say to him. And despite his hesitation, it looked like Hanzawa felt the same. 

“Sure,” I said. “You can pick the place.” 

———

Hanzawa’s coffee order was a little more complicated than mine. Hearing him rattle off his order made me realize that Richard was right to only offer tea at his shop. The café he’d picked out was like many of the other cafés I’d been to—peaceful, atmospheric, and a neutral ground for conversations. Once we’d taken our seats, we each waited in a brittle kind of silence.

Hanzawa began to fiddle with his phone, and I took it as a clear indication he wasn’t ready to talk. My coffee arrived first, so I savored it while gazing through one of the café windows. Outside, the weather had snapped into a bitter frost, as it seemed wont to do whenever I wasn’t looking. I shivered a little—even inside the temperature-regulated café, I’d dressed a little lightly for the cold—and let the coffee’s steam curl against my skin. Though I couldn’t call myself a connoisseur, I’d begun to appreciate coffee for more than its caffeine. 

It was just one more thing I’d learned how to treasure since I’d met Richard. Thinking of him, I reflexively touched my face. We weren’t anywhere near Ginza, but I could imagine the shop’s entrance in front of me as I stared out the window.

“Is there something you’re worried about?” 

I started, noting that Hanzawa’s coffee had appeared between his hands. He held the cup strangely, his fingers curled around the sides without any pressure; I worried that it might slip from his fingers if he tried to lift it. Still, the pose seemed so natural for him that I wondered if he’d held the tea at Jewelry Étranger the same way, and I just hadn’t noticed. Like that time, any initial hesitation of his had melted away into a self-assured grace.

“I was just thinking…” I replied, tapping my reddened skin, “it’s going to bruise.” 

“Ah,” Hanzawa said. His eyes darted around the room—he could probably sense the curious looks I’d gotten, too, but that wasn’t my main concern. “You’re worried about your weekend work, I assume?” 

“No, it’s—actually, yeah, I am,” I said, cutting off my instinctive denial. First Tanimoto-san, and now Hanzawa… I wondered if my face was just becoming easier to read. 

“I doubt a bruised face is good for customer service,” he added, clarifying exactly where my thoughts had headed.

I explained, “I’d rather not scare the customers, and it’s something I’ve done even without my face like this, so…”

“That would be troubling,” Hanzawa said. “I’d apologize for the situation, but…”

“There’s no need for apologies,” I stressed. “You and Kaede already thanked me, and there’s no need to apologize for someone else’s mistakes.”

Still holding the cup as if it were air, Hanzawa slowly sipped his coffee. My attention was drawn to his fingers, which were exceptionally long, and neatly trimmed at the nails. “I’m glad you think so, Seigi—it’s alright to call you that, yes?” When I nodded, he set his cup down and made a confession: “I’m not entirely without ulterior motives, though—it’s not every day you meet someone with your job, you know? I like hearing from interesting people, so this is just me indulging in my curiosity, really. What was the application process like?”

“Ah… I didn’t quite apply,” I answered. Maybe I’d just developed a streak of cynicism, but I didn’t believe that he had invited me to coffee out of pure curiosity. I briefly imagined someone taking my place—making tea, talking with Richard, and learning about our clients—and felt a wave a jealousy so strong that I added, “I don’t really think he’s looking to hire anyone new…” 

Hanzawa laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m just asking out of curiosity. I’m not looking for a job right now.”  

“Ah,” I said, and drank some of my coffee to cover my embarrassment. “Anyways, even when we first met, I don’t think he was looking to hire anyone.”

“Is that so?” Hanzawa asked, a clear prompt for me elaborate.

I had no desire to do so. Instead, I was distracted by the thought of Hanzawa as an employee of Jewelry Étranger. He seemed like he would excel at any job related to customer service, particularly when it came to making conversation. Even now, though I was conscious of the fact that he was leading the conversation, it didn’t bother me. But he wouldn’t know what sweets Richard liked best, or how to watch his expressions to figure out if he was enjoying them. And he wouldn’t know how to brew royal milk tea—not that I’d known that, either…

“I approached him about a family heirloom of mine, and he offered me a job afterwards,” I finally summed up.

Thankfully, Hanzawa didn’t pry any further. “I can see why,” he said. “Something about you must have been unique enough to convince him, right?” 

“…You think so?” I asked, ducking my head. It was amazing how one word—unique—was enough to dispel my worries. Saying I had a talent for recognizing beauty—that already made me feel like the most special person in the world. The implication that Richard recognizing that had been a testament to my uniqueness was unbelievably flustering. Rather than think about it for too long, I downed my coffee. 

“I just thought that if he wasn’t looking to hire someone,” Hanzawa said, “it means that you must have been important enough to ask for, anyways. The atmosphere at your store would make one think you two had been friends for years.” 

I felt warmer than usual. “I just… guess we aligned somehow,” I murmured, feeling a need to deflect the compliment. As much as I privately liked to think of our meeting as “fate,” hearing it from a veritable stranger was something else. “Richard is—he’s almost too incredible, I think. I’m lucky to work there.” 

Hanzawa considered my statement carefully, and then asked, “Is it—and I could be overstepping, here, but—is it kind of a… scary feeling?” 

“No, you’re right,” I said, feeling a euphoric rush of shared understanding. “It’s—I’m happy, of course. It’s impossible not to be. But it almost makes everything else pale in comparison—” 

“And you begin to wonder where you’d be without it,” Hanzawa concluded, perfectly reading my mind.

I sighed. “I mean… it’s not like this will be my job forever, you know? But still, compared to going to university, whenever it’s the weekend, I feel like I’m ten times as real. Like I exist as… I don’t know, more than I am.” 

“As in… you’re able to express yourself more?” Hanzawa asked. 

I shook my head. “No, it’s like… I’m a more impressive person, even though nothing about me changes,” I said. “It feels like my actions have more meaning. And my world keeps expanding, each time.” When he didn’t respond, still wrapping his head around my words, I added, “…It might be a bit strange to blabber on and on about my job satisfaction. But I really think that being able to work where I do is a miracle of some kind.” 

“I see what you mean,” he finally replied as he sipped his coffee. “In a way, Richard-san’s store feels like… a place that’s too good to be true, it could be said?” 

“That’s exactly it!” I exclaimed. “And then once you meet Richard, it’s like… he’s a fairy prince or something that’s descended on the mortal world…” 

Hanzawa fell into a sudden coughing fit. 

I scrambled out of my seat, but he weakly waved me off, and so I stood over the table, watching him regain control of his throat. “Are you alright?” 

He took a few deep breaths. “I’m fine,” he said, though he looked obviously embarrassed as he met my eyes. “I was just—taken off guard, I guess. You must really respect Richard-san. Have you… told him this?” 

With a new understanding as to why Kaede had so uselessly hovered around me, I slipped back into my own seat. “Well, of course,” I said slowly, wondering what I wasn’t getting. “I needed to express my gratitude to him.” 

Hanzawa stared up at the ceiling like he’d received some kind of divine revelation. “And he reacted… well?” he ventured. 

I suddenly remembered the many, many times Richard had scolded me for speaking without considering the implications, and I grimaced. “I’m not great with words, so I’ve definitely put my foot in my mouth a few times, but… sincerity is worth the embarrassment, I think,” I said, refraining from adding that I liked to think it was at least part of the reason he’d hired me. “And, though he’s annoyingly mysterious sometimes, he’s sincere to me, too.” 

“How nice…” It was impossible not to hear the wistful edge in Hanzawa’s voice. He seemed to hear it too, because he added, “Well, I do wish you two the best,” with a knowing smile. 

It wasn’t hard to pick up on the distance in his voice. Despite talking about Richard and the shop, Hanzawa hadn’t once mentioned his own visit or his upcoming appointment.

Before I could prod him about it, Hanzawa cleared his throat and asked, “You’ve finished your coffee?”

I looked down at my cup, which had been empty for quite a while. “Yeah,” I said, bracing for a quick goodbye.

A strange look passed over Hanzawa’s face as he drained his cup, and he set it down on the table with a soft clink. His gaze moved sideways—I followed his line of sight, but it led nowhere. “If—if the bruising is a problem,” Hanzawa haltingly began, “I could… I might have a solution.” 

The words looked painful for him to say. “You’re already treating me to coffee,” I assured. “There’s no need to do me another favor.” 

He shook his head, firmer. “This… as I said, this was kind of a selfish request, anyways. If you’re willing, I’d be happy to help.” 

I wasn’t about to turn down the chance to hear him talk. Maybe, if I gathered enough courage, I’d even be able to ask him about dyed stones. “Well… what did you have in mind?” 

———

Much like the first time I’d visited the jewelry section of a department store, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. This time, it wasn’t at the sight of diamonds as far as the eye could see, but of the bright lights, glossy photos, and shelves upon shelves of products I wasn’t sure how to name. I half-recognized some of the brand names scattered around the store, but otherwise felt wholly out of my depth. 

Were it not for the presence of a guide, I’d have never come here. But Hanzawa was shifting his feet next to me, a skittish look in his eyes like he was convinced I’d back out at any moment. That was the same way he’d broached the subject, too, saying, “Well… you could probably cover that bruise with makeup,” in a tone so soft I’d barely heard him.

“How?” I’d asked, pouncing on the option a little too eagerly. 

Hanzawa drummed his fingers against his empty cup. “It’s pretty easy,” he said. “I could teach you, but we’d have to buy some products, because we don’t have the same skin tone.” He mulled over his next words.

“There’s a department store near here,” I offered. 

At that, he seemed to relax. “My older sister is really into makeup and costuming,” he said with a light laugh, “so I ended up being forced into knowing a few things myself.”

Things moved quickly after that. He paid for my coffee, and I followed him to the nearest department store before he could have too many second thoughts. It wasn’t like I didn’t understand his hesitation—we were still practically strangers, and this was an offer that required considerable involvement on his part. Still, more than anything, I didn’t want to skip work. And as little as I knew Hanzawa, he seemed like the kind of person who would never suggest something that wasn’t an actual solution. 

“You’ll have to lead the way,” I finally prompted.

Hanzawa paused and corrected his posture. “Right,” he said, picked up a basket near the entrance, and then struck a path through the various displays, waving off staff with a polite, inscrutable smile. 

For all he’d been hesitant, Hanzawa navigated the store with a brilliant kind of confidence. Apart from the two of us, there were barely any men in the store, but Hanzawa didn’t look out of place in the slightest. Soon enough we were left to wander around unapproached. 

Finally, we came to a stop in front of a display that carried a variety of tubes in a variety of skin tones. Hanzawa leaned forward to inspect them, and I caught sight of the barely visible piercing holes in his ears.

“You’re not wearing earrings,” I observed. 

He answered me without turning his head. “I suppose it’s a leftover habit from high school,” he said thoughtfully. “I didn’t wear them in class, because—well, it’s a bit of a delinquent look, and I was the president of the disciplinary club.”

That explained why he’d been so composed when helping Kaede earlier. I wonder if he’d acquired that sense of reliability from his time in the club, or if had been the reason he’d joined. “What… am I supposed to get, here?” I asked, pointing at the display.

“To cover your bruise, we’ll need concealer, foundation, and a setting spray, probably? So right now, we’re looking for foundations that match your skin tone. What color do you usually bruise?” 

“…Purple, I guess?” 

“Then we’ll get a yellow color corrector to offset it,” Hanzawa said, plucking a foundation from the shelf. He held it up to the light—the color was kind of close to my skin, I supposed, but there were a lot that looked just like it. 

“How are you supposed to figure out the right color?” I asked. 

“Oh—you can sample it,” Hanzawa said, and he motioned for me to hold my hand out. We swatched various foundations on the back of my hand as Hanzawa explained to me the basic methodology for covering a bruise. The color corrector would negate the purple hues of my bruise, concealer would properly cover it up with my actual skin tone, and foundation would provide a smooth cover that blended with the rest of my face. The setting spray was just to make sure everything held for the entire time I was working. “You’ll probably want makeup brushes, too,” Hanzawa said as he explained how to apply everything. “We can buy some, or I could maybe lend you mine…” 

I could see him trying to work out how to lend me makeup brushes in a way that wouldn’t require an additional meeting. “No, I’ll get one of my own,” I said. 

“You sure?” he asked. 

I nodded. “It’s kind of weird to say this, but… somehow, I feel like this may not be the last time I need something like this?” 

Satisfied with the last foundation we’d tried, Hanzawa showed me how to remove all the makeup on my hand before leading me to another display. There he found a standard set of makeup brushes and gingerly placed it into his basket. “Well, I suppose you do lead quite an exciting life,” he commented. 

“This is the first time I’ve gotten injured,” I said. “But there are a lot of interesting people at Richard’s shop, so I guess I do end up having interesting experiences.” I paused. Like this, actually, I didn’t say, and instead asked, “You mentioned your older sister taught you this?” 

“It’s not really that I was taught,” Hanzawa clarified. “It was more like… a natural consequence of existing around her? I ended up knowing a lot of the terminology, and I’d get dragged to places like these, too. At that point, you have to at least learn the basics.” 

I’d never had a sibling before, so I wondered if it was natural for everyone to pick up skills from their family like this. With my mother, we’d always maintained a certain sense of distance, and with my stepfather overseas, the only one who could maybe qualify as family was Richard. Who I had, indeed, learned a lot from. “And you learned more on your own, afterwards?” 

“Well, at my high school, our cultural festival holds a cross-dressing competition each year—it was an all-boys school, hence the tradition—and I ended up learning a bit more because of that. One of my classmates actually attends cosmetology school, now, which is where I learned how to do this.” He gestured in the direction of my reddened cheek. 

I reached up on instinct, suddenly conscious of the fact that I was walking around with such an obvious injury. I’d attributed the stares of passerby to the fact that I looked out of place in a makeup store, but this was probably the real reason.

Hanzawa studied my face, and his tone gentled. “It’s been a valuable skill to me,” he murmured. “Makeup gives us the ability to beautify.” 

Hand still pressed against my cheek, I confessed, “I’d never really thought of it that way, before. Though I don’t really know anything, really. But I’d always thought of it as… having something to hide, I guess.” I felt like a fool as soon as the words left my mouth.

“Well,” Hanzawa said, still low and quiet, “I suppose we are aiming to hide that bruise of yours. But there is value even in concealment, I think.” A wry smile graced his mouth. “Speaking of.” 

We’d lingered for too long in one place, and so we moved to collect a bottle of setting spray and a pale-yellow color corrector before stopping to search through a row of concealers. As we compared various shades on my hand, I recalled the conversation I’d had with Richard about tiramisu.

“…Don’t people also value the truth, though?” I asked. 

The shade Hanzawa had tested was far darker than it had looked in the tube. He paused over my hand, and without lifting his head, said, “Perhaps I’m being cynical… but I think most people only value the truth when it is beautiful.” He paused to dab a different concealer on my hand. “I don’t think you’re wrong—people do value authenticity. That’s exactly why so many makeup advertisements discuss how to achieve a natural look, or how to enhance your natural features by smoothing out ‘imperfections’… we’ve defined a kind of beauty that is meant to emulate reality, but that doesn’t mean it is reality.”

Though I couldn’t see his expression, I could hear the raw sincerity in his voice. Something clicked into place, and I realized that for Hanzawa, enhancement was the same as concealment.

“The kinds of beauty we recognize are usually just skin-deep, huh…” I said, echoing the conversation I’d had with Tanimoto-san.

“And everyone prefers to be beautiful,” Hanzawa said.

Yamamoto-san, too, had thought that beauty was a great advantage. “Doesn’t beauty come with its own disadvantages, though?” I asked. At Hanzawa’s curious look, I paraphrased how Richard had described his own experiences. “Like, if you’re so beautiful that people think you’re unapproachable, isn’t that hard?”

“I suppose so,” Hanzawa said. “You’re talking about a kind of… unreal beauty, right? Like your boss.”

“Ah… was it obvious?”

Hanzawa smiled. “A little.” He hummed for a bit in thought, and then said, “In either direction, I think there’s a fear of… standing out, or looking odd. That’s why we’re here. Though I suppose there might be some people who have enough pride to eschew standards.”

The shade he’d just tried was a perfect match. “When you put it that way… there’s definitely times I don’t want to say everything about myself,” I conceded, remembering how I’d felt when confronted by Mami-san’s deep, uncomfortable sense of shame. “Having that kind of pride is… an ideal, but just that.” As much as Richard liked to ask if I had ever decided to think before I spoke, I, too, had things I found hard to say. 

“That’s everything, I think,” Hanzawa said, adding the concealer to the basket. “I’ve got makeup wipes with me, so you can just have them. Since we’re here, though, do you mind if I make a quick detour?” 

“Go ahead,” I said, and Hanzawa drifted through the store at a leisurely pace, inspecting different products. I took the time to observe the various advertisements pasted around the store, noting that Hanzawa’s description hadn’t been incorrect. Then I observed the array of colors scattered around the store as Hanzawa inspected different kinds of eyeshadow. “I guess blue is rare here, too.” 

“Hm?” 

“I was just reminded of ultramarine,” I said, pointing towards the overwhelming set of pinks and reds in a collection of lipsticks. “It was prized not just because the stone was precious, but because blue was a rare pigment color, right?”

“…Lapis lazuli sure was a precious stone,” Hanzawa replied. “In addition to blue’s rarity, I’d think it would be hard to collect pieces without significant gold spots. When ground into pigment, those colors would muddy the blue. If one needed to source pure blue lapis lazuli for ultramarine, that would only further increase its rarity and value.” 

 “Wait, are you majoring in economics?” I blurted out, a little bewildered by the clarity of his explanation.

Distracted from his inspection of an eyeshadow palette, Hanzawa turned to squint at me, bemused. “No, I’m not,” he said. “Are you?”

“I am, yeah.” I floundered, wondering how to explain that for just a moment, Hanzawa had reminded me of Richard. Maybe he was training to be a diplomat—that would explain why even when he spoke casually, every word felt measured. He was certainly better at speaking than me, who couldn’t figure out how to casually ask him what he was actually majoring in.

At my lost expression, Hanzawa laughed and went back to searching through eyeshadows. “…You actually remind me of someone I know.”

“How so?” 

“A few things, I think,” Hanzawa said. “You’re both… open to many new experiences.” Though the fondness in his voice was palpable, it was deeply careful, like he was letting me know the shades of some terrible secret.

“You don’t find them exciting?” 

“And equally likely to be hurtful,” he rebutted, though not aggressively. 

Hanzawa took my answering silence as agreement—which it partially was—and continued looking around the store. Conscious of the time we’d spent wandering, he explained, “The color I’m looking for is uncommon. Eyeshadows have more variety than lipsticks do, but the majority stay within the range of pinks to browns.”

“Even though it’s not a problem to make blue pigment anymore, it’s still a matter of supply and demand, isn’t it?” I surmised. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone wear blue lipstick.”

“The kind of people that do are amazing to me,” Hanzawa said. “Whether it’s simply a matter of liking it or wanting to be deviant from the norm—I think there’s a great strength in accepting oneself as anomalous.”

Finally, he picked out a sparkly lime green eyeshadow, and after holding the color up to the light, tucked it into his basket. It was no wonder he’d spent so much time searching—while accompanying him, I hadn’t seen a single product that looked like it.

“You really are fond of that color,” I noted. 

Hanzawa froze for a moment. “It’s for—the cultural festival, actually,” he explained. “I’m helping them out.” 

“Oh, I do something like that too—it’s with the karate class I used to attend back in middle school, though,” I shared. “You must be close with your juniors?” 

As we entered the checkout line, Hanzawa said, “I think it’s something like a leftover sense of responsibility. That guy… we used to be in the same club.” 

Before I could ask him what that guy meant, our attention was redirected to the cashier in front of us. She looked surprised to see two men in front of her, but quickly began scanning the items before her. “Picking up products for your girlfriends?” she asked with a smile, clearly hoping to ease our nerves. 

Hanzawa stepped forward, partially obscuring my view. “It’s for my older sister, actually,” he replied, the same smile mirrored on his face. “I just hope I’ve gotten it right!” 

Caught up in his mild, inconsequential lie, I stood there, hands hung limply at my side, as I realized that apart from her initial shock, she hadn’t once glanced at my cheek. To be accurate, Hanzawa hadn’t let her. This was probably what he’d meant by the value of concealment. It was like when Richard had pretended not to speak Japanese at that department store. While it wasn’t the truth, it was the option that limited any unwanted misunderstandings.

…Was it really because of his older sister that he’d learned how to do makeup? Or was that just the easiest explanation?

We exited the store with our purchases, and I handed over the eyeshadow to Hanzawa. He slipped it into his messenger bag, and in return, produced a pack of makeup wipes for me to take. “If you forget what to do, there’s a bunch of tutorials online,” Hanzawa reassured, gesturing to my bag of makeup.

“Thanks for the help,” I said. “I had a nice time, too—I feel like I got to hear from an interesting person, as well.”

“Don’t think too much of it—I was really just rambling,” he said dismissively before offering me a tight smile. “I do hope work goes well for you this weekend.” 

“…You’ll know, won’t you?” I asked, summoning a bit of courage. “Since you’ll be there.” 

“Ah,” Hanzawa said, and stilled before giving his confirmation. “…Yes, I will.” 

With that promise exacted from him, we naturally said our goodbyes and parted at a nearby street. The early morning chill had faded somewhat under the sun, and as I made my way back to campus, I thought about the many ways Richard’s face might change upon seeing Hanzawa arrive at his appointment. He wouldn’t give me a raise, but I’d get something out of it, nonetheless.

[sweetsuke]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 佐々木と宮野 | Sasaki to Miyano (Anime), 佐々木と宮野 | Sasaki to Miyano (Manga) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Hanzawa Masato/Tashiro Gonzaburou, Hanzawa Masato & Tashiro Gonzaburou, Hanzawa Masato & Tashiro Gonzaburou & Kuresawa Tasuku & Shirahama Kyouji Characters: Hanzawa Masato, Tashiro Gonzaburou, Kuresawa Tasuku, Shirahama Kyouji, Ogasawara Jirou Additional Tags: Fluff, Based off chapter 45, Feelings Realization, HanzaShiro agenda real, Flirting Summary:

A closer look at everything that happened during Chapter 45 of Sasaki to Miyano. Featuring a café, an arcade, and a realization.

[kakusu-shipping]

Emile Hides - He/She

Agender - Fray/Panromantic - Asexual - Polyam

24 years old

Autistic - OCD - Anxiety

Age Regressor - Permakid - Age Locked

Proship - Self Ship - Fudanshi

Art Tag: Emile’s Arts

Writing Tag: Emile’s Writing

Edit Tag: Emile's Edits

This is my Ship and Let Ship blog where I post about ships I like, Self Ship as loudly as possible, write X Readers curated to me and me alone, and ramble about my F/Os in the tags of other people’s posts.

Full F/O list under the cut (Very Long)

Romantic F/Os

Koro-Sensei - Assassination Classroom

Toshinori Yagi (All Might) - My Hero Academia

Nezu - My Hero Academia

Mashirao Ojiro + Neito Monoma + Hitoshi Shinso - My Hero Academia

Taishiro Toyomitsu (Fatgum) + Kendo Rappa - My Hero Academia

Atsuhiro Sako (Mr. Compress) + Jin Bubaigawa (Twice) - My Hero Academia

All For One - My Hero Academia

Makarov Dreyar - Fairy Tail

Toma E. Fiore + Mako - Fairy Tail

Jackpot - Fairy Tail/OC

Zanoba Shirone - Jobless Reincarnation

Leuvis - The Promised Neverland

Kyube - Madoka Magica

Ginko - Mushishi

Takashi Morinozuka - Ouran Highschool Host Club

Kometani Chushaku + Naruse Shisuto - Komi Can't Communicate

Masato Hanzawa - Sasaki and Miyano/Hirano and Kagiura

Gonzaburo Taishiro - Sasaki and Miyano/Hirano and Kagiura

Franky Franklin - Spy X Family

Riri - Romantic Killer

Junta Hayami - Romantic Killer

Harunobu Nikaidou - March comes in like a Lion

Otsu + Minegishi - Manly Appetites

Muta - The Cat Returns

Scorpia - She-Ra

Bismuth + Peridot + Lapis - Steven Universe

Eda Clawthorn + Raine Whispers - The Owl House

Hieronymus Bump - The Owl House

Good Billions + Bad Billions - Kipo and the age of the Wonderbeasts

Tad Mullholand - Kipo and the age of the Wonderbeasts

Ruby Gloom + Skull Boy - Ruby Gloom

The Snork - Moominvalley 2019

Lynn Angel + Nick Hoult - All Saints Street

Teddy - Bob's Burgers

Sisu - Raya and the Last Dragon

Zack Binspin - Moshi Monsters

Allhands - Drawga

Gyorik Rogdul + Grendan Highforge + Rosé - Drawtectives

James - Pokemon Anime

N - Pokemon Black/White

Lillie - Pokemon Sun/Moon

Molayne + Sophocles - Pokemon Sun/Moon

Guzma - Pokemon Masters

Milo + Gordie - Pokemon Sword/Shield

Jacq + Saguaro + Salvatore + Hassel - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet

Kieran + Drayton - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet

Hydreigon - Pokemon Black/White2

Chesnaught - Pokemon XY

Inteleon - Pokemon Sword/Shield

Armarouge (Charlos) - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet

Sirfetch'd - Pokemon Anime

Captain Pikachu - Pokemon Anime

Heracross - Monster Mind

Smeargle + Kecleon - Monster Mind

Mario + Luigi - Super Mario

C.Q. Cumber - Splatoon 2

Mr. Grizz - Splatoon 3

Jel La Fleur - Splatoon 3

Isabelle + Tom Nook + Redd + Brewster - Animal Crossing

Papyrus - Undertale

Vulkin - Undertale

Swatchlings - Deltarune

Viktor Humphries - Slime Rancher

Dick Gumshoe - Ace Attorney

Raymond Sheilds - Ace Attorney

Phineas Flilch - Ace Attorney

Hifumi Yamada + Celestia Ludenburgh - Danganronpa 1

Teruteru Hanamura - Danganronpa 2

Toko Fukawa + Genocide Jack - Danganronpa UDG

Ryoma Hoshi + Gonta Gokuhara - Danganronpa V3

Monokuma - Danganronpa series

Shirokuma - Danganronpa series

Kyle Klim (K) + Luna - Virtue's Last Reward

GTM-CM-G-OLM - Virtue's Last Reward

Kazuaki Nanaki + Hitori Uzune - Hatoful Boyfriend

The King - Hatoful Boyfriend

Zenyatta - Overwatch

Ramattra - Overwatch

B.O.B. + Bars - Overwatch

Maximillien - Overwatch

Lynx17 - Overwatch

Iggy - Overwatch

Toy Freddy + Funtime Freddy - Five Nights at Freddy's AU

Nightmare Fredbear - Five Nights at Freddy's 4

Sun - Five Nights at Freddy's Security Breach

Leshy - Inscryption

Magnificus - Inscryption

Theodore DaCabe (The New Prince) - Chzo Mythos

Anna (The Huntress) - Dead by Daylight

Al-An - Subnautica Below Zero

Candyman - Lethal League

Gabocha - Suikoden 2

Richmond - Suikoden 2

Neclord - Suikoden 2

Luca Blight - Suikoden 2

Andras - Hell's Library

Jill Wolcott - Wayward Children

Reed + Leigh - Middlegame

Queerplatonics/Metamours

Aguri Yukimura - Assassination Classroom - Queerplatonic

Mei Hatsume - My Hero Academia - Queerplatonic

Reedus Jonah - Fairy Tail - Queerplatonic

Pantherlily - Fairy Tail - Queerplatonic

Peridot - Steven Universe - Queerplatonic

Nemona - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - Queerplatonic

Raifort - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - Queerplatonic

Bowser - Super Mario - Queerplatonic

Cobb - Animal Crossing - Queerplatonic

Genocider Syo (Genocide Jack/Jill) - Danganronpa UDG - Queerplatonic

Winston - Overwatch - Queerplatonic

Goobert - Inscryption - Queerplatonic

Neito Monoma + Hitoshi Shinso - My Hero Academia - Metamours

Naruse Shisuto - Komi Can't Communicate - Metamour

Minegishi - Manly Appetites - Metamour

Baron Humbert Gon Gikkingen - The Cat Returns - Metamour

Nick Hoult - All Saints Street - Metamour

Brassius - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - Metamour

Princess Peach + Princess Daisy + Prince Peasely - Super Mario - Metamours

Shuu Iwamine - Hatoful Boyfriend - Metamour

Maugaloa Malosi - Overwatch - Friends with Benefits

Abra - Monster Mind - Friends with Benefits

Grovyle - Monster Mind - Friends with Benefits

Buizel - Monster Mind - Friends with Benefits

Rhydon - Monster Mind - Friends with Benefits

Sandslash - Monster Mind - Friends with Benefits

Lucario - Monster Mind - Friends with Benefits

Drayden - Pokemon Black/White - Trainer

Wilkstrom - Pokemon X/Y - Trainer

Salvatore - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - Trainer

Shiintonic - Pokemon Anime - Partner

Stoutland (Rusty) - Pokemon Anime - Partner

Mincinno (Nezu) - Pokemon Sword/Shield - Partner

Armarouge (Charlos) - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - Partner

Koraidon - Pokemon Scarlet - Partner

Ogerpon (Clementine) - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - Partner

Weavile - Pokemon - Partner

Familials

Heatran + Entei - Pokemon - Parents

Marlo + Dora - Animal Crossing - Parents

Ginko + Adashino - Mushishi - Parents

Tony Mario - Mario Movie - Father

Mr. Grizz - Splatoon 3 - Father

William Afton - FNaF Series - Father

Ridley Wizen - Suikoden 2 - Father

Bumi - Avatar: The Last Airbender - Father

Frank Columbo - Columbo - Father

Opal - Pokemon Sword/Shield - Mother

Briar - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - Mother

Beware - Pokemon Anime - Mother

Toriel - Undertale - Mother

Reaper Leviathan - Subnautica - Mother

Alder - Pokemon Black/White - Parental Figure

Toadsworth - Super Mario - Parental Figure

Mondatta - Overwatch - Parental Figure

Nezu - My Hero Academia - Parental Figure

Clavell - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - Grandfather

Rizzo - Animal Crossing - Grandfather

Craig Cuttlefish - Splatoon - Grandfather

Kaoru Toudou - Baka and Test - Grandmother

Drayden - Pokemon Black/White - Uncle

Aang - Avatar: The Last Airbender - Uncle

Petri - Animal Crossing - Aunt

Elizabeth Afton - FNaF Series - Big Sister

Mitsuki Bakugo - My Hero Academia - Big Sister

Sekijiro Kan - My Hero Academia - Big Brother

Boris Wizen - Suikoden 2 - Big Brother

Micheal Afton - FNaF Series - Big Brother

Molayne - Pokemon Sun/Moon - Big Brother

Jelonzo - Splatoon - Big Brother

James Ratari - The Promised Neverland - Big Brother

Peter Ratari - The Promised Neverland - Little Brother

Victini - Pokemon Black/White - Little Brother

Arven - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - Little Brother

Mirai Sasaki (Sir Nighteye) - My Hero Academia - Twin Brother

Kyoya Ootori - Ouran Highschool Host Club - Found Sibling

Cyrus - Pokemon Platinum - Found Sibling

Genji Shimada - Overwatch - Found Sibling

Ramattra - Overwatch - Found Sibling

Micheal Bleak - Wayward Children - Found Sibling

Mario + Luigi - Super Mario - Cousins

Ingo + Emmet - Pokemon Black/White - Cousins

Callie + Marie - Splatoon - Cousins

Sophocles - Pokemon Sun/Moon - Cousin

Samson - Animal Crossing - Cousin

Ira Blood - All Saints Street - Cousin

Cosmog (Nebby) - Pokemon Sun/Moon - Daughter

Amy Rose - Sonic Series - Daughter

Berdly - Deltarune - Daughter

Akito Sohma - Fruits Basket - Daughter

Julie - Jobless Reincarnation - Daughter

Jack + Jill Wolcott - Wayward Children - Daughters

Bede + Allister - Pokemon Sword/Shield - Sons

Pecharunt (Momotaro) - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - Son

Rabbid Luigi (Louis) - Mario + Rabbids - Son

Espio - Sonic Series - Son

Neito Monoma - My Hero Academia - Son

Inasa Yoarashi - My Hero Academia - Son

Ichiban Natsuno - Mix; Meisei Story - Son

Black Hat - Villainous - Son

The Collector - The Owl House - Son

Hastur - The Baby in Yellow - Son

Sam - Trick R' Treat - Child

Luz + King + Hunter - Kids

Bowser Jr. + Koopalings - Super Mario - Kids

The Lab Kids - Animal Crossing - Kids

Boss Salmonids - Splatoon 3 - Kids

Warriors of Hope - Danganronpa UDG - Kids

The Monokubs - Danganronpa V3 - Kids

Rosalina - Super Mario - Niece

Sonic + Tails - Sonic Series - Nephews

Jelfonzo - Splatoon - Nephew

Katsuki Bakugo - My Hero Academia - Nephew

Snufkin - Moominvalley 2019 - Nephew

Laxus Dreyar - Fairy Tail - Grandson

505 - Villainous - Grandson

Zanoba Shirone - Jobless Reincarnation - Student

The Squidbeak Splatoon - Splatoon - Family

The Rising Volt Tacklers - Family

Danganronpa V3 Cast - Danganronpa UDG - Family

The Fairy Tail Guild - Fairy Tail - Family

Class 3-E - Assassination Classroom - Family

Fatfam - My Hero Academia - Family

League of Villains - My Hero Academia - Family

The Sohmas - Fruits Basket - Family

The Evil Slasher Orphanage - Various - Family

Besties

Toshimitsu Kubo - Baka and Test

Shoko Kirishima - Baka and Test

Irina Jelavic + Tadaomi Karasuma - Assassination Classroom

UA Teachers - My Hero Academia

Lucy's Celestial Spirits - Fairy Tail

Samuel - Fairy Tail

Yuuko Ichihara + Kimihiro Watanuki + Shizuka Domeki - XXXHolic

The Host Club - Ouran Highschool Host Club

Ritsu Sohma - Fruits Basket

Makoto Katai - Komi Can't Communicate

Miyano Yoshikazu + Sasaki Shuumei - Sasaki and Miyano

Hanazawa Masato - Sasaki and Miyano

Kuei - Avatar: The Last Airbender

Entrapta + Hordak - She-Ra

Grime + Sasha - Amphibia

Iris + Misery + Frank and Len - Ruby Gloom

The Joxter - Moominvalley

Flug Syls - Villainous

Jessie + Meowth + Wobbuffet - Pokemon Anime

Cheren + Bianca - Pokemon Black/White

Hau + Gladion - Pokemon Sun/Moon

Dendra + Miriam - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet

Team Star - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet

The Leauge Club - Pokemon Scarlet/Violet

Grimer - Monster Mind

Elvin Gadd - Super Mario

Metal Mario + Gooigi - Super Mario AU

Doctor Mario + Mr. L - Super Mario AU

Pearl + Marina - Splatoon

Spyke - Splatoon

The Mad Scientist Team - Animal Crossing

Chara - Undertale

Kris - Deltarune

Chihiro Fujisaki + Kiyotaka Ishimaru + Mondo Owada - Danganronpa 1

Kazuichi Soda - Danganropa 2

Ultimate Imposter + Ryoma Mitarai - Danganronpa 3

Hiroko Hagakura + Yuta Asahina + Taichi Fujisaki - Danganronpa UDG

The Nightmare Animatronics - Five Nights at Freddy's 4

Bonbon - Five Nights at Freddy's; Sister Location

Moon - Five Nights at Freddy's; Security Breach

Helpi - Five Nights at Freddy's; Security Breach RUIN

Huggy Wuggy + Mommy Long Legs - Poppy Playtime

Jamison Fawks (Junkrat) + Mako Rutledge (Roadhog) - Overwatch

Younster Squad (All heroes in their early 20's) - Overwatch

Team Talon - Overwatch

Nina - Suikoden 2

Klaus Windmier + Sierra Mikain - Suikoden 2

Claire + Brevity + Hero + Ramiel - Hell's Library

Thankyou very much for Reading

Crush List - Fictonal Foe List - Agere List - Ship Lists - Kin List - Koro-Sensei's F/O List

[sunnnfish]

Forced myself to be normal for like 3 hours to do homework now im done. Time for the self indulgent hanzawa masato (sasaki to miyano) - teru minamoto (toilet bound hanako kun) comparison post. And what is this website if not for self indulgent blogging.

Surface level they both have that smile that doesn’t reach your eyes constant expression. In a very same sinister and mysterious way. I should get pictures

Also surface level they have very eccentric personal clothes they wear outside of their school uniforms. Both are top of the class and the golden perfect child who puts everything on their own shoulders in an effort to never burden anyone else. They make an effort to appear normal to everyone around them.

Narratively also serve quite similar purposes— the way they are introduced is very slowly. Teru is shown as this distant princely character and is slowly revealed to be an actual recurring character with far more depth and connection. He serves as a rather morally gray mentor figure with much more power and knowledge and internal world than he lets on. Hanzawa was introduced as a faceless disciplinary committee president, slowly being revealed to be a recurring important character with far more depth and connection. He serves as a mysterious mentor figure with much more going on than he lets on.

They both have rather .. contradictory moments. Riddled with impossibilities etc etc. like. That persistent smile and kind outward persona belies more ugly and complex emotions.

They both have an… odd relationship with a fellow club member in which said member perceives them as antagonistic but a friend nonetheless. Said friend also has moments of recognizing that there is much more going on underneath the surface.

+ gay siblings and a complicated relationship with love and a complicated relationship with siblings

[dirtbra1n]

it’s about running away and being chased and knowing when to surrender but maybe not how to surrender. it’s about chasing and chasing and chasing until you blink and realize that you went from being the hunter to being the huntee, like a looney tunes bit. except there is no laughing happening, and no punchline, and the anvil and grand piano and cruise ship landing on your head one after the other are simply metaphors. still painful, though. more than enough to send you spinning, or knock you flat, or weigh you down.

—

that is to say, on the topic of weird love:

love that is unconventional, bizarre, lacking rhyme or reason. perhaps off putting, though it isn’t really, or beyond any one name or title.

hanzawa masato hadn’t been expecting any love whatsoever. that it is unconventional (or bizarre, or off putting, or so on) is salt in the wound.

(not that it doesn’t suit him, he knows himself to be someone who is, in more than one manner of speaking, fairly weird. acknowledging this is further salt in an exacerbated wound.)

tangentially: hanzawa masato doesn’t ordinarily have any particular desire to die, but recent circumstances have pushed him to reconsider.

who made you feel like you have to handle things alone? did we teach you shame? do you think we don’t want to look after you anymore?

well, fine, “to die” is something of an extreme. he doesn’t think he actually wishes to die, doesn’t want his heart to stop beating or his neurons to stop firing. it just has to be a violent enough reset, send him back to a youth where he’d wake up every morning and choose to be busy as a fun pastime rather than a survival tactic.

not a snapped neck, but, well. whatever.

—

he’s back at the river. he never has his pant legs rolled up. it’s getting on his nerves.

the current is mild today. he can almost make out his face in the water, not that he wants to spend any time admiring his reflection. the sun’s beating down on him, too-warm on his skin. he inhales heat and regrets it.

his eyes reflected are wide open as they stare up at him. the reflection looks like it’s getting clearer.

masato doesn’t like that.

submerging his head, he figures that it couldn’t be any harder to breathe with water in his lungs than it is without.

—

sometimes, very rarely, when he has time alone with his thoughts, masato forgets how to breathe. becomes over-conscious of it and does it wrong, inhaling without feeling like enough oxygen is getting to his brain. his entire chest will move up and down but it feels like he’s dying.

to be frank, masato feels like he’s dying a lot. running on autopilot, it seems, is better for him in the long run.

but, well. that’s boring.

inhale for elastic muscle activation, exhale for large muscle contraction. draw your arm back, hit the ball.

breathe, won’t you?

leaving tashiro after club is easy. walking to the station to wait for the train is easy. clouds are gathering overhead. he rests his eyes awhile. rookie mistake.

his rib cage is rickety and the joints in his fingers have gone stiff. his neck has hardly any mobility to speak of. images like shadow puppetry are playing on the backs of his eyelids. weird love. mapping intimacy, tashiro drums his fingers on masato’s chest, where the bones of his rib cage jut out. presses down on the joints of each of his fingers until they pop.

stands behind him with his head in his hands and guides it just so until his neck cracks—

masato feels the train’s arrival in his bones. he opens his eyes. he feels geriatric. something about the barometric pressure.

tashiro-kun, do you know any chiropractors?

he squints at his phone, bleary.

with a license, he clarifies, unnecessarily.

—

masato is a little worried that he might have strange tastes.

—

it’s like this: being with tashiro gonzaburou is terribly easy for hanzawa masato when he’s not in love with him and wonderfully difficult when he is. this is an on-off situation. this makes everything worse. riddled with impossibilities—frankly masato’s convinced it’s a sickness. or a curse.

standing against the violent current with his feet planted firmly in the silt, masato ponders the symbolism at play. rivers representing cleansing, rebirth, the beginning of things. he, symbolically, watches a coffin bob apathetically downstream to his right. he, symbolically, wades with great difficulty to catch up with and lie in it. cleansing, rebirth, the beginning of things. destruction, also.

masato’s good with literature—the basis is that you cannot build upon what’s already been built. what existed must be razed to be remade. something must die to facilitate a rebirth. religious undertones abound, though flood myths are universal.

definitely a sickness; he wonders if there was ever any basis for this, before. he doesn’t really want to believe that tashiro was the first. selfishness. sickness. the sort of thing the river’s supposed to cleanse him of. what he should do is get out of the coffin, maybe swim around a little.

he doesn’t.

masato stares up at the sky above him, listens to the wood creaking around him. imagines he’s in a boat instead. a flood so great it threatens even the heavens—the rocking of his “boat” is making him a little, well, sick.

he jolts awake. riddled with impossibilities. weird dreams shouldn’t count.

they do, though.

he has reason to believe that the creaking of the “boat” was actually the creaking of his bones. he feels brittle enough to have earned the spot in that coffin. it might’ve been his all along.

he really doesn’t like that.

—

ah.

masato wants to live.

[sunnfish]

「 it seems, once there is no air and so much water, that he was supposed to have gills 」

There was a lot this post by @dirtbra1n made me feel and I wanted to capture at least some of it. Like every sentence is a different image i swear. Especially “said in passing. no crueler way to weigh him down” that is an entirely different feeling altogether. Maybe I captured a fraction of it all in this. Anyways thanks for making me feel so much about Hanzawa Masato. I’ll never be normal about him again <3

[doramaticbites]

10 Representative Jdramas of the 2010s (so far)

This post is inspired by, or rather, is a reply to this excellent question posted by an anon to @jdramaconfessions. I meant to reblog the post with a reply but then this post got MASSIVE so I decided to just make a new one.

Of course, the best answer to that question of what are the representative dramas of this current decade can only be written in about 2025, when there is enough time to look back and take stock of what dramas actually stood the test of time. As it is, there are still 3.5 years left to the decade – and if 2013 and 2016 was any indication, one fairly good year could give us a couple of hits. That being said, I’m going to try.

I think the best place to start, when trying to curate a list of representative dramas is first to ask – how exactly does one define representative and what are these dramas supposed to be representative of?

The word ‘representative’ is tricky to me because it implies something different than ‘favourite’. When asked for a list of ‘favourite’ dramas, it’s definitely personal, and there’s no need to try to choose something objectively. But the word ‘representative’ implies that there has to be some sense of objectivity to one’s choice, even though I agree with the admin of jdramaconfessions that at the end of the day, personal preference still comes into play.

I define representative in three ways.

Firstly, by memorability. We are still living this decade out, so it’s hard to say which dramas will stand the test of time in the next decade or so. Still, I’m sure that there are a number of dramas from the early 2010s that cling on to our minds and are still referred to often.

Secondly, by popularity. I don’t mean to say that every popular show that has come out in the past decade is automatically memorable or representative drama. In fact, quite the contrary. Every season will inevitably have its own popular drama. But there are a number of dramas that have exploded in popularity and I feel that it is then valid to give them a spot on the list. After all, to an extent, popularity indicates a show’s ability to resonate with a wide audience. I will also try to choose dramas that are popular both domestically and internationally. Making popularity a criteria is also why I sadly exclude excellent dramas like the Oguri-led BORDER and gothic drama Karamazov no Kyodai – both were insanely memorable and unique to me, but perhaps not commercially popular enough to make them ‘representative’.

Thirdly, by innovation. This is also a way to address the question of ‘What exactly are these choices supposed to be representative of’? Jdrama is a big umbrella of many sub-genres. A representative drama of one sub-genre (say romance) may not always be representative of the entire group. Though to be sure, there are times when they overlap. So what I mean by ‘innovation’ is any given drama’s ability to give fresh life to their genres, and bring something new to the table. It’s a drama’s ability to be either be excellent within the constraints of its genre, or conversely, its ability to push the boundaries of the genre.

With that being said, I’ve got chosen a couple of dramas I think fit the bill – In no particular order after the cut!

1)     Hanzawa Naoki

I’m putting this one first because @midnightrain910 brought it up. Yes. Personally I didn’t think Hanzawa Naoki was THAT great, but boy was it adored by repressed salarymen all over Japan. I literally had 2 of my (Japanese) managers come up to me to ask me if I’d watched it – on separate occasions! I mean shame on any 2013 Japan enthusiast who didn’t know the “bai-gaeshi” catchphrase. It also cemented Masato Sakai’s reputation as a credible and commercially viable actor.

2)     JIN 2

I thought JIN 2 was inferior to the first season, but I included it anyway because I wanted to somehow squeeze JIN into this list. JIN is the historical, time-travel, medical drama OF DREAMS. It was so well-acted and so unexpectedly good. Just last year my Turkish colleague was raving about it to me. In that sense, I think it is an internationally accessible jidaigeki with a lot of heart.

3)     Strawberry Night

Ok so, if you were to compare Strawberry Night with the MANY other Japanese crime/detective dramas, you wouldn’t find it definitive or groundbreaking. But still, it was GOOD. Sure I may be biased, but look, it lasted 2 SPs, 1 full season and 1 movie. If that’s not a testament of its popularity I don’t know what is. It managed to weave a bit of romance into it too. Also I think this is the series that threw Nishijima Hidetoshi into the limelight. He’s been around for ages, but I don’t think he had done anything since Asunaro Hakusho that was really popular until Strawberry Night. 

4)     Juhan Shuttai!

Juhan Shuttai! never set out to be critically acclaimed or sold itself like it was a precious gem filled with top actors. Nah, it set out to be a feel-good show but boy was it that and MORE. It just goes to show that great characterisation and a solid plot will bring a show far. That’s not to say that the actors weren’t good. A few of them were excellent, some of them were serviceable. I just wanted to point out that unlike some shows (cough Triangle, cough Rich Man Poor Woman, cough MOZU), they didn’t overpromise and underdeliver. Also, oftentimes well-written dramas happen to be so serious. I would really love to see more in the vein of Juhan Shuttai! (And Legal High, if I might add).

5)     Quartet (2017) - Not to be confused with the other jdrama of the same name

Putting this in despite not having watched it because all the reviewers that I trust to give an honest opinion found that it lived up to its hype. THANK GOOD HEAVENS. After giving the couple of examples above of how a good cast doth not a good drama make, I’m glad that Quartet can now live on as the drama which BROUGHT IT. Also I wasn’t about to make this list without Mitsushima Hikari (If Quartet hadn’t made it I would have put in Woman). She’s one of most excellent actresses to have surfaced this decade. It’s so odd because I remember her from Folder5 days – and who would’ve known she’d be here today.

6)     Marks no Yama

To me this must have been the drama that put WOWOW on the map. It was that drama that made everyone sit up and realise that WOWOW wasn’t just a second-rate channel airing foreign shows. It had a good strategy going – a very strong understanding of its niche, and the willingness to ignore popular models and idols and go for gritty, well-written fare instead. Because I’m ultimately quite a frivolous drama fan, I must have to say most of WOWOW posters (and shows) don’t really attract me, but the couple that I have watched have wow-ed me (pardon the pun).

7)     Itazura na Kiss ~ Love in Tokyo

Ok it was a toss up between Good Morning Call and this one, neither of which I watched by the way. Well I did attempt one episode of GMC but I just….couldn’t. The truth is, now that I teach Japanese high-schoolers, it’s very hard for me to watch dramas with them in it. Though in a sense I’ve outgrown the genre, it’s more of a ‘this hits too close to home’ thing. That being said, high school dramas are a staple of drama world and it’d be weird not to include at least one. So I just went with which one I heard about the most.

Admittedly, the early to mid 2000s were a heyday for high school dramas to me. I’m hard-pressed to find a Stand Up! or Nobuta wo Produce among the current lot of dramas. They just don’t make them like they did anymore. That’s not to say it has been bad. I thoroughly enjoyed Narimiya Hiroki and Niigaki Risa trying their darndest to act like teens in Yankee Kun to Megane Chan. I was impressed that Piece managed to build itself into a dark mystery cum social commentary despite having pretty weak actors. I heard Sprout was cute. THAT SAID, none of them could be considered representative in my book.

As such, Itazura na Kiss stands out for being one rare remake that actually became as popular as its predecessor – and which was one teen drama to capture the hearts of international tumblrites.

8)     Saikou no Rikon

Not only was this the show that introduced me to the genius that is Ono Machiko, it was the drama that turned the romance drama genre on its head. Its dialogue was witty, it was unapologetically real. And I think it made more writers sit up and realise that it’s the 2010s and they should really be challenging romcom stereotypes, not mindlessly rehashing them again and again.

9)     We Got Married as a Job

@repinipi brought this up and yes, HOLY SMOKES this was THE romcom of 2016. It took Japan by storm. Till now theme song Koi is still on the top 10 of karaoke charts. My kids went wild when we teachers danced it at grad party. People still talk about the drama and Hoshino Gen is capitalising on it. Solidly written, it managed to be realistic, though the circumstances were obviously way to fictional to happen in real life. In 2020, I think this drama will still be looked upon fondly.

10) HiGH & LOW

I thought about this. I thought about this long and hard because, should H&L even be considered on the same plane as other dramas? At its core, it’s more of a promotional vehicle. But it just threw the delinquent/gang genre and shook it up into it’s own visually brilliant spectacle. It will probably never find its place among mainstream audiences in Japan. But it has grown its own dedicated fan base. If anything I’d compare it to Tokusatsu and Takarazuka fandoms. They are niche, but there are there, they are proud, and they are ready to throw some bills. LDH took J&A’s ambition and promotional ideas, then stepped it up a couple of notches. If anything, the business savvy of this company puts the entire series on this list. 

Final Thoughts

I am just one person who simply hasn’t had much time to watch as much jdrama as I’d like. So its inevitable that I would have missed some out. Also, to make the arbitrary number of 10, I was unable to put some other picks on (trust me I would put either SPEC, Yae no Sakura, or Sanada Maru in in a heartbeat). Well, it wouldn’t be representative if too many made the list eh? Lastly, please remember, objective as I try to be, feel free to agree or disagree. Let me know your picks! :)

[kakusu-shipping]

Crush List

I use to have a crush list on my first pinned post but I ended up deleting it to save space and sense then have been pretty indecisive about bringing it back just because I didn't feel it was useful information and the concept was too broad and more and more excuses of the like.

Then my OCD got stuck in list mode so here we are anyway.

Long post under the cut, thankyou for your attention

Canon Crushes

Crushes that are canon to my Self-Insert's story (either I have a crush on them or they have a crush on me), some of which are also on the F/O list, but they're still in the crush phase to me <3

Katsuki Bakugo - My Hero Academia

Reedus Jonah - Fairy Tail

Usopp - One Piece

Makoto Katai - Komi Can't Communicate

Souichi Nishimura (Ironman) - Baka and Test

Junta Hayami - Romantic Killer

Kotaro Sato - Kotaro lives Alone

Franky Franklin - Spy X Family

Shiro Ashiya (Aciel) - The Devil is a Part-Timer

Shizuka Domeki - XXXHolic

Chieko - Princess Jellyfish

Masato Hanzawa - Sasaki and Miyano/Hirano and Kagiura

Baron Humbert von Gikkington - The Cat Returns

Arrietty Clock - The Secret World of Arrietty

Pearl - Steven Universe

Princess Celestia - My Little Pony; Friendship is Magic

The Beast - Over the Garden Wall

Ash's Sirfetch'd - Pokemon Anime

Guzma - Pokemon Masters

Doctor Mario - Super Mario

Metal Mario - Super Mario

Wardell - Animal Crossing

Spyke - Splatoon

CQ Cumber - Splatoon

Rayfa Padma Khura'in - Ace Attorney

Chara - Undertale

Flowey - Undertale

Gaster - Deltarune

Phineas Filch - Ace Attorney

Maugaloa Malosi - Overwatch

Luca Blight - Suikoden 2

Just can't be bother to make an S/I

For various reasons including; Already have too many S/Is for this media, There's a ship I like that already has the dynamic my S/I would have with them (including friend's self-ships), Haven't had a good S/I concept yet, etc.

Pantherlily - Fairy Tail

Taurus - Fairy Tail

Mayaya - Princess Jellyfish

Hilling - Ranking of Kings

Marco Pagot - Porco Rosso

Palo Barrrows - The Titan's Bride

Noppo - Drifting Home

Randall - Monsters University

Jasper - Steven Universe

Rose Quarts/Pink Diamond - Steven Universe

Padparadscha - Steven Universe

The Titan - The Owl House

Grime - Amphibia

Maddie Flour - Amphibia

King Andrias - Amphibia

Hugo Oak - Kipo and the age of the Wonderbeasts

Jamack - Kipo and the age of the Wonderbeasts

Black Hat -Villainous

Bobert - The Amazing World of Gumball

The Nomad - Nomad of Nowhere

Brock - Pokemon Anime

Cilan - Pokemon Anime

Ren - Pokemon Anime

Ingo and Emmet - Pokemon BW

Nanu - Pokemon SuMo

Mega Swampert - Pokemon

Regirock - Pokemon

Regice - Pokemon

Mega Lopunny - Pokemon

Dusknoir - Pokemon

Giritina - Pokemon

Blacephalon - Pokemon

Magnazone - Monster Mind

Bowser - Super Mario

Dimentio - Super Paper Mario

Grilby - Undertale

Damon Gant - Ace Attorney

Bobby Fulbright - Ace Attorney

Kisegawa - Ace Attorney

Junko Enoshima - Danganronpa

Chihiro Fujisaki - Danganronpa

The Ultimate Imposter - Danganronpa

Gundham Tanaka - Danganronpa

Winston - Overwatch

Mako Rutledge (Roadhog) - Overwatch

Akande Ogundimu (Doomfist) - Overwatch

Jean-Baptiste Augustin - Overwatch

Richmond - Suikoden 2

Don't know enough

Either a non-major character I got a little too attached to or Their source material is too small to inspire me or I literally haven't directly interacted with the media they are from

Lapointe - Fairy Tail

Sanji Vinsmoke - One Piece

Usopp - One Piece

Bartholomew Kuma - One Piece

Bepo - One Piece

Shiro Ashiya (Aciel) - The Devil is a Part-Timer

Kitsune - XXXHolic

Dream Seller - XXXHolic

Hiigari - I Realized I Am the Younger Brother of the Protagonist in a BL Game

Otori-San - I Like Otori-san!

Tomoki Inohara - Melt at Night

Satou Jun - Mimasaka-kun to Mayoeru Kobuta

Sayo Minoru - I need to suck blood tonight/Yabun ni Kyuuketsu Shitsurei Shimasu

Yuzuru Tachibana - Drifting Home

Metauro - Villainous

Caine - The Amazing Digital Circus

Data - Star Trek

Harvey Hornswoggle - Drawtectives

Animatronic - Drawtectives

Callagan - Pokemon the Power of Us

Pumpkinmon - Digimon

Noblepumpkinmon - Digimon

Tubba Blubba - Paper Mario

Ganon - Legend of Zelda

Agent 7 (Eight) - Splatoon OC

Nelly (Agent 8) - Friend Devin's Splatoon OC

Meta Knight- Kirby

Galacta Knight - Kirby

Morpho Knight - Kirby

Magalor - Kirby

Rouge - Sonic

Roche - Dokapon Kingdom

Gaster - Undertale

Light Field (Snake) - The Nonary Games

Shamura - Cult of the Lamb

Ralph - Detroit; Become Human

Jerry - Detroit; Become Human

Bloodhound - Apex

[sunnnfish]

my dear friend sunnnfish I don’t wanna rb my own post too many times so I’m sending an ask from main (this is dirtbra1n, just to be clear) . your TAGS GODDDD…… like honestly there are very few peoples tags who make me feel as like. TALENTED. as yours do. ALSO THAT IT’S CALMING TO YOUUU this post that wades around in the turbulent waters of DEATH and MORTALITY not being fear inspiring but instead like. comforting.. I didn’t mean to come here to get all poetic but something in there makes me very happy. love u love and light

YOURE GONNA MAKE ME BLUSH… you ARE talented !!!! All your writing makes me feel so many emotions and like it’s so.. real in such a raw and emotional way. Especially the way you write hanzawa has become particularly #relatable and personal and also like very sensory oriented ? If that makes sense? Like I said it’s very grounding to read and imagine it all. Very peaceful despite the violent rivers and creaking bones (though those too are oddly peaceful in and of themselves). You said it’s about death and mortality but it ends saying he wants to live yknow :) like. After all that turbulence. Masato wants to live. Maybe that’s the most comforting part. ANYWAYS ummmmm yeah :) I love YOU and you also make me feel so talented… I love reading ur tags and how u notice the details in my art n stuff… love and light <3

[sunnnfish]

SUNNNFIIIISHHHHH MY DEAR LOVELY FRIEND SUNNNFISH YOUR TIMING IS EXCELLENT AS ALWAYS I’ll beat the shit out of school for you by the way WAAAUUUUUGHHHHH your wonderful artist brain with the cinematography it’s like I’m THERE. YOU REALLY GET ME WITH THIS. been making an active effort to really pay more attention to ping pong as it’s own Theme recently. hopefully I’m successful. but YEEESSSS the gathering of clouds was intentional—I specifically wanted to tie it into the stiffness of his bones to justify the neck cracking, it’s strangely intimate physicality like that that I really like inflicting on masato Sorry king—but THE THREAT OF CLEANSINGGGG something about the way you interact with my writing just sends new threads of thoughts unspooling all over the place. cleansing’s a threat because—perhaps in part influenced by the way his tashiro-of-the-mind just unfucked up his neck—he doesn’t really want to be cleansed. he could get out of the coffin and go for a swim, but he doesn’t want to. so he doesn’t. CAN’T READMORE IN YOUR ASK BOX I’m stopping now. love you though I’m in the car and have been brainstorming directionlessly for hours but here you are reminding me why I like this quarter of my mindpalace so much. love you!

GIVING U A KISS MY DEAREST BEST FRIEND DIRTBRAIN…. Any and all existentialism I was just feeling has evaporated and I’m normal now <3 how I wish I had any skill/energy at all to animate a short film exactly how I see it. I would do it. anyways ping pong Themes… I will cry I love ping pong. And the gathering clouds !!! I can like. Feel the pressure in that scene. It’s easy leaving tashiro after club. The pressure is building. It’s a normal day at the train station. There’s a sound of cicadas and the murmur of a crowd. He looks up at gathering gray clouds. Slowly closes his eyes. A silence that comes like a deep, quick breath in. All of a sudden it’s pitch dark and he can’t move and it’s like a phantom is around him, pressing his bones and cracking his joints. Pressure pressure pressure until the neck— it’s not a sudden jolt, more like waking up. he slowly opens his eyes as the train rumbles in and rain starts coming down. The murmur of the crowd and cry of cicadas returns as he pulls out his phone. He doesn’t want to be cleansed, not by the running water at least. Maybe a chiropractor would be better. More physical more real—a concrete release of pressure. ANYWAYS. Didn’t mean to have another mind movie moment but here we are. I love you themes I love you parallels I love you metaphors and that hanzawa masato post is full of it all. It’s just. The violent body in all your writing is just so. GOOD. God. It’s VISCERAL and SENSATIONAL and it’s AWESOME and I LOVE IT. And I love YOU !