#the last ref was a little rushed because I finished it on a school night 😭

[artofloof]

I already drew Sol in a maid dress, so I thought Lun deserved to be put in something cute too :)

I wasn't too attached to him when I first thought of him but oh how the tables are turning

[mcwriting]

The Marriage Project (10)

Hellooooo! For 300 followers, I decided to drop chapter 10! Please enjoy!

Masterlist

Word Count: 2202

Warnings: maybe some language? 

% approximately the last weekend of october %

By the time everyone and their families had gotten to the city and eaten dinner, it was around 8:30 pm, so you and Tom decided to try and knock out your project work.

You sat in the breakfast lounge next to each other at a table as other team members and families conversed. You noticed Nikki and your parents talking and gave Tom a glance.

Since this was your last ever volleyball tournament (at least for high school), your parents had come and you were getting to stay in their hotel room instead of a team room.

You mostly worked silently when you and Tom overheard some people talking about homecoming.

“Who’re you taking to homecoming?” he asked casually. “And don’t say Paddy or Harry.”

You laughed at that one.

“Uhh, no one. I don’t really have anyone to take so guess I’m flying solo with the girls again. Why? Who were you gonna go with?”

“Eh, nobody. The guys brought it up earlier to me and I was just curious.”

“Oh, really? I thought you had girls lined up at your feet. And a couple guys, too.”

“I’m pretty sure I could say the same about you. And you mean freshmen? Yeah right. I’m not about to catch a case, not that I’m remotely attracted to any of them.”

That comment made you laugh again.

“Yeah, well, those same freshmen are the ones spreading rumors about us. It’s stupid. We oughta stick it to them somehow.”

“What are you getting at..?” he trailed, suspicion in his voice.

“I don’t know… What if we just went to the dance together? I mean, we’re already on homecoming court and are most likely gonna win, so what if we just showed up together to annoy them? It’s not like we have to make it some big deal or anything.”

He looked at you for a minute, like he was doing calculations.

“So… you and me, no matter whether we win or not, go together? You don’t think that’s just gonna make things worse?”

“I’m pretty sure anything we do will keep causing rumors so long as we’re doing this project. We don’t have to, I just thought it would be funny to see everyone’s reactions.”

“You know what, let’s do it. There’s nothing for us to lose. Let’s just not tell people we’re going together and then just show up there. If anyone asks just say we’re going solo?” He suggested.

“That’s not going to work completely… what if you came to dinner with me and my friends beforehand? We can surprise them all and then the rest of the school at the dance. It would be really sus if I bailed on dinner and I’d like for your mom to take some pre-dance pictures.”

You decided to shake on it and get back to work, but your stomach was doing the same fluttering it had been the past couple weeks. By the time you two finished, it was just past 10 pm and most of the parents and even some of the team had gone to their rooms. 

The only people you knew nearby were Sam and Julia, who were sitting on a chair together watching something on her phone, and of course Tom, who was watching snap videos from friends at the Halloween party that had just started.

“I think I’m gonna head upstairs. Even though top seed doesn’t play the first round, I have to be up kinda early,” you explained as you stood, gripping your laptop across your chest.

“What’s your room number, I’ll walk you up. Some of the people here have been giving me weird vibes.”

“Umm, let me check,” you pulled out your phone with the text your mom had sent earlier. “415.”

“Oh that’s perfect. We’re in 416. Just across the hall.”

You said goodnight to Sam and Julia as you passed and went to the elevator. As you waited, a young couple, probably in their mid twenties came up, obviously drunk. They were dressed up for the holiday, and you were surprised that they were seeming to cut the night short. 

“Oh my God babe, look, they’re like younger us!” the girl attempted to whisper, giggling. Your face burned as you glanced at Tom, who looked as uncomfortable as you.

“That’s so dope! How long have you been with this little lady?” the guy said directed to Tom, giving you a once over, as all four of you entered and pressed the buttons to your floor.

“Oh we’re no-” you began when Tom interjected.

“‘Bout a year, man,” he smiled, tossing his arm over your shoulder and pulling you in tight. The elevator doors closed.

You simultaneously wanted to push him away and fall into his tight, warm grip. You decided to play along as you continued to hold on to your computer. 

“Best year ever!” you exclaimed, leaning up to give him a peck on the cheek.

“Oh come on! You can do better than that! Kiss him! Kiss him!” the girl egged on. You both chuckled nervously and gave each other a look. There seemed to be a silent consensus to just do it for the bit.

Tom moved his arm to your waist and lightly pressed his lips against yours, smiling as he pulled away. You were left a little stunned as the inebriated couple clapped and cheered.

You could tell they were going to say more when the doors opened on the fourth floor.

“Well here’s our stop. Nice talking to you. Come on, princess,” Tom said, the both of you rushing out of the elevator, his arm still around you. 

Once the door closed, you both let out a sigh as you turned down the hall towards your rooms.

“Well that was...  weird,” you stated, the both of you walking pretty slowly. You were keenly aware of the way his hand tightly cupped your side as you clumsily knocked into him a few times.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself. Sorry about that. I didn’t know what they were gonna do and that guy had creepo vibes and I panicked.”

“I get it. We are married, after all,” you said quietly, wiggling your left hand. “Well, here’s my room. Thanks for keeping an eye out. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see you at breakfast. You’re gonna kill it tomorrow,” he said softly, squeezing you in a side hug one last time before letting you go. Your side tingled from where his warm body was no longer touching as you entered the hotel room.

It wasn’t long before you were also saying goodnight to your parents and laying in the dark room, reflecting on the wild day that was Friday. 

You knew that back home everyone was still partying, as you’d received pictures and videos of your friends dressed as Guy Fieri, but you’d had a whole different kind of experience, unsure if it was a good or bad one.

Tom’s lips were kinda soft though

And his big hands around my waist fit nicely

You pushed the thoughts away as you finally fell into deep slumber.

%

You headed to breakfast wearing sweats, a baggy tee, and a pair of socks and slides. Looks were not a priority right now. While you waited on your waffle to finish cooking, someone appeared next to you, yawning.

“Morning, princess,” he muttered, stretching and rubbing his eyes.

“You really aren’t a morning person, are you?”

“Nope. Now how much longer are you gonna be here because I’m in need of a waffle,” he asked, nudging your sides. It seemed as though you were both pretending the previous night had never happened.

Once you both built your plates, you went to sit with some of the team when Tom plopped into the seat next to you. He immediately began digging in, but paused when he realized the whole table was starting at him.

“What’s wrong, you want me to bless the food or something?” he looked to you.

“No it’s just surprising that you’d come sit with us is all,” one sophomore said. “I mean, you’re like the most popular guy in school.”

“Yeah well the real legend is this bit-” your glare stopped him in his tracks, “...I won’t call you that word, but anyways y/n ranks above me. If anything, she’s the intimidating one.”

The girls giggled and went back to their conversations, occasionally looking at Tom still. 

“Sorry I almost called you a bitch. I meant it the good way,” he whispered into your ear.

You stared at him for a few seconds as you finished chewing a bite of apple.

“I’m just confused as to why you came over here with all the girls.”

“Well it might come as a shock to say that you’re the only person here that I’m friends with other than Sam, and he’s on thin ice after hogging the bed sheets last night,” he explained, shooting a glare to his younger brother, who was obliviously eating with Julia and his mom.

“Today’s gonna get real boring then if I’m your only friend.”

“Hey, remember our conversation Monday? Cute uniforms?” 

You slapped him on the chest for that one.

%

A long, hard day of games had led up to this moment. A whole season. A big portion of your life.

It was probably between 7 and 8 pm. You weren’t sure. All you knew was that the scoreboard said 24-23 your team. Meaning, one point for you equaled a final win.

You wiped the sweat from your brow as you stood on the back line of the court, nervous and determined.

There were cheers from all sides of the gym as you prepared to serve one last time, hopefully for the better.

The upper ref blew her whistle and motioned her hand for you to serve.

One

Two

Three

bounces on the gym floor. A toss in the air. A slap to the ball.

The ball passed the net and sunk right to the gym floor without a single person touching it.

It took you a second after the whistle blew and the scoreboard changed to realize that you had won the game. You were snapped back to reality by the loud cheers of your teammates and supporters.

The team came and congratulated you, slapping your butt and squeezing your shoulders. They pushed you to the front of the line to shake hands with the other team and refs under the net.

You didn’t realize until the team went into a huddle that there were tears slipping down your cheeks and everyone reached out to love on you and Anna. All those years working for this moment and it had finally ended. 

Coach made her speech short and sweet, because you could tell she was holding back tears as she looked between you and your co captain.

The two of you led one last cheer for your team. A tournament official came to hand the team the trophy, give you another tournament MVP medal and both you and Anna all tournament and all state awards. You hung them on your neck proudly, happy to feel their weight.

Upon turning around, the first person you saw was Tom, who had a big smile on your face. You immediately rushed to hug him, jumping a little into his arms.

“Told you you could do it!” he exclaimed, wrapping his arms over your sweaty frame. You pulled away, arms still loosely holding each other.  He casually brushed the residual tears from your cheeks.

“And what’s this? Some new ice?” he asked, grabbing all three medals in one hand. He raised one up pretending to bite it.

“My drip is just too clean,” you joked, flipping your ponytail over your shoulder. You heard someone clear their throat behind you. It was your dad.

You went and hugged your parents and talked for a few minutes, then were called over for Nikki to take team pictures. 

Everyone showed off their fiery hair ribbons (you had stayed true to your joking promise) and got pictures with the trophy. You and Anna also took some biting your medals and alone with the large award.

You finally headed to the locker room, changing and packing up your volleyball bag one last time. 

The end of an era was a sad one to say the least.

You said goodbye to everyone as your parents got the car ready. Tom came up.

“Hey. Good job once again. I’m proud of you. See you Monday?”

You felt yourself blush as your stomach flip flopped.

“Thank you, Tom. I’m glad you were here this weekend, especially last night. See you then.”

You gave one last side hug before getting in the car and preparing for the long ride home. You were sitting still for a while reflecting on the day when your phone lit up.

“How’s the ride so far?” Tom asked over text.

“It’s been 20 minutes, Tom.”

“Well if I’m going to be stuck third wheeling Julia and Sam I’m gonna need someone to talk to.”

You rolled your eyes and smiled, continuing the conversation all the way home until you were falling asleep in bed.

%

A/N: ahhh thank you all again for 300 followers! I genuinely can’t believe that there are that many people who are so interested in my writing! Especially those of you who have been around since the beginning, when my writing was especially bad haha. Love you all!

Send a message or ask if you’d like to be added to my permanent or series taglists so I can verify you’ve been added!

Story tag list: @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @l0lmk, @primadonnasdream, @bookworm06, @thenoddingbunny-blog, @agentnataliahofferson, @spider-babe, @stxfxniexreads, @justafangirlduh, @supraveng,

[cecilspeaks]

134 - Fall Football Preview

There is no I in “team”. This has been a partial list of letters not found in the word “team”. Welcome to Night Vale.

The Night Vale High School Scorpions kick-off the varsity football season this Friday against last year’s district champion, Red Mesa. Following the announcement this summer that Scorpions’ head coach, Nazr al-Mujaheed, would be taking a sabbatical to deal with personal matters, Night Vale promoted defensive coordinator Lutrice Beaumont to head coach. She has ten years coaching experience and was a former line backer for the Scorpions during their heyday as four time state champs in the late 1990’s. This is a historical hire for the high school football program, as Lutrice Beaumont is the first Gemini to become head coach. Beaumont called a press conference this morning to talk about her team and her coaching staff’s expectations for this season. “After only one win last year,” Beaumont explained, “we wanted to change our approach entirely. Instead of a plotting, run-focused offensive, we want our starting quarterback, sophomore Junius Duncan, to really throw that ball around, just chuck that leather (wad) any direction he wants.”

Beaumont’s team motto for 2018 is “we will win, all the time, right now”. Junius Duncan has a small frame at only 5’4’’ and 120 pounds. But he has eight legs and can leap up to 20 times his own height. He has struggled with his accuracy in training camp, as he has zero arms. And the spiny tips of his front legs cause the ball to stick and sometimes deflate.

Senior running back Prince Reynolds, who led the district in rushing last year, returns in full health. Coach Beaumont said Reynolds has been working on his upper body strength in the off-season by installing hydraulic joints on each shoulder. We’ll have more on the upcoming Scorpion football season in a moment. But first, a look at traffic.

Lisa Farmer does not like her job. She does not hate it, either. To Lisa, a job is a paid dare to sit in a chair for 10 hours every weekday for 40 years, for a little over a million dollars, paid out in bi-weekly installments. She commutes 35 minutes each way to her office. During this time, she thinks about the divorce papers her attorney gave her, but that she’s never filled out. She thinks about her husband’s lack of motivation. She thinks about having children. Not whether to have them, but the actual process of birth. She sometimes offers up an involuntary laugh, a reflex response to the forced laughter of the FM drivetime talk show. She forgets all of this when she arrives at home or work. Time pours from her like water from a broken pipe. All this time, lost to unmemorable travel. She measures her life in traffic jams, a mathematical equation that proves nothing. Commutes are the limbo of the weekday. Everything is stasis. Expect delays. This has been traffic.

In her opening press conference, Night Vale Scorpions’  head coach Lutrice Beaumont said there were some rule changes this season that will affect her team’s approach. First, helmet to helmet hits, normally assigned a personal foul penalty, will now be subject to game (ejections) and possible suspensions. Officials are also cracking down on end zone celebrations. Many fans felt the elaborate displays of joy exhibited by players last season were not in the spirit of good sportsmanship. The most egregious example was when Cactus Park’s Jamille Whiteside scored the game-winning touchdown against Pine Cliff. He and the rest of his team mates then performed in the end zone the entirety of the Tony-winning musical sensation “Wicked”. District head of officiating, Jake Camp, announced: “I’m tired of selfish kids making a team sport all about them. In my day, when we scored, we would calmly hand the ball to the ref and jog back to the sideline head down. Maybe.” He continued: “Maybe, uh, a more religious kid might offer a quick prayer to the Brown Stone Spire, an unobtrusive gesture of kneeling, cutting your finger open, drawing a nine-pointed star with your blood, as your team mates danced about shirtless and chanting something in ancient Akkadian or Greek, but nothing ostentatious like what kids these days do. Did you see that one kid who did a backflip? [angrily] A backflip! This is football, not Cirque du Soleil, son!” Camp shouted. He added that millennials are killing everything good in the world.

One reporter reported that current high schoolers are not even part of the millennial generation. Another reporter pointed out that Camp is 33 years old, which makes him a millennial. Camp paused and said, “You wanna be like that? Fine!” Camp then begun to grunt and strain, his face darkened to a deep violet, as long white hair gushed from the top of his head and out of his chin. His posture weakened, his back now hunched. Wrinkles formed around his eyes and lips, and his skin loosened. He then said hoarsely: “I’m 93 now. So you know where you can put that millennial comment of yours!” The reporter assumed Camp meant the sport section of the newspaper, so that’s where the reporter put it.

In the middle of Beaumont’s press conference, assistant coach Christopher Tisdale whispered into her ear and she frowned. When asked to elaborate, she said she’d just received word that another new rule is that all players must have two or fewer legs. Which prohibits her starting quarterback, Junius Duncan from taking the field. Upset by this sudden change, Beaumont cited the Golden Retriever who was allowed to play basketball for Cactus Park back in 1997. They named the dog Airbud, because the dog was the former CEO of an airline. Admittedly, the dog was terrible at basketball. He ran in circles and barked at the coach for treats, while opposing teams took huge advantage of the five-on-four mismatch. But according to Beaumont, a precedent was set for multi-legged players.

Oh, this is terrible news. Junius must be devastated. Beaumont’s press conference is still going on. We’ll get back to it soon.

But for now, when the first bolt of lightning struck the sea, and the first apex of rock crested the tumultuous oceans, the elders among the stars brought life onto the Earth. These children of stardust became humans, became authorities of their tiny planet. They created science and art, and they worshipped their galactic forbearers. But their hubris grew in them like a cancer, and they abandoned the benevolence of their creators. The vigilant determination of life leads only – to death. An ironic ouroboros to be laughed at by the elders of the cosmos. Diet Pepsi. Humans are a knock-knock joke of the gods.

Let’s take a look now at Night Vale High School’s district rivals this season, starting with last year’s champs, the Red Mesa Ant Carpenters. Red Mesa returns their starting quarterback, senior Salman Talib, who leads a dynamic passing offence anchored by junior wide receiver, Trung Pham. Pham’s quick feet, 6’5’’ frame, and nearly 20-inch antlers allow him to break free from smaller defenders.  The Pine Cliff Lizard Monitors return with the league’s top offence. Everyone in Pine Cliff is a ghost, making them quite elusive, but the flip side of that is that their defence is terrible. In terms of total tackles made last season, they finished dead last. Pun not intended. But pun certainly embraced, because it’s not bad. Oh… Aha? A-ha. I’m getting word from my producer Ian that is in fact a bad pun, in bad taste. Ian’s grandmother was part of the Great Cataclysm of 2008, which turned all of Pine Cliff into ghosts. He says it’s no laughing matter to those living in Pine Cliff. To-to those residing in Pine Cliff, so. I’ll go back to the part where I said pun not intended.

One team to watch out for this year is the Cactus Park Shark Nurses, who have a strong defence but who have struggled with turnovers. The Shark Nurses’ senior running back Patrick Lyle had 20 fumbles last year, but said he focused on his ball carrying technique in the off season. Coachers worked with Lyle to carry the ball high and tight against his shoulder pads, instead of in his cargo shorts’ pockets.

Desert Bluffs, which has not had a team nor a high school for the past three seasons, has reincorporated in some desert otherworld and will be returning to district to play this year. League officials are concerned about the capriciousness of gateways between our reality and theirs, which could lead to visiting teams becoming lost in either a time loop or disappearing altogether. Theoretical physicist Cedric Drummond from Desert Bluffs Junior College said: “If you only focus on the bad, you’ll never see the good!” Not much is known about this Vultures team other than they’re probably – terrible.

Finally, there’s another new district rival this season, the Whispering Forest High School Wood Dogs. Whispering Forest High opened in 2016 after the forest incorporated as an independent township. No humans live in the Whispering Forest, only trees. Really polite trees, always with a quiet compliment. But if you accept one of their compliments, you too become a tree in their forest. Fun fact: Whispering Forest is the fastest growing town here in the desert. Urban planning experts think that the positivity emanating from the Whispering Forest has been a real draw for people seeking new homes. They’re unable to determine why a need for positivity suddenly became a factor in like 2016, but there it is. The Wood Dogs are sure to be the largest and toughest opponent in Night Vale’s district, but also the slowest, as they are literally trees. Their real strength won’t be in their ability to score or sack the quarterback, but to recruit entire opposing teams to their side before the game ends.

That’s a look at Night Vale High’s rivals this year. Coming up, we’ll check in with coach Beaumont and her team strategy for 2018. But first, a public service announcement.

Friends of the Night Vale Public Library announced the annual used book sale is this Saturday afternoon from 10 to 5. Librarians will hang books from invisible twine attached to blade-based traps, inside a complex cornfield labyrinth. According to the press release, which appears to be written by a detached human finger dipped in its own blood, these are… [clears throat] great books by great authors like Georg  Saunders, Mohsin Hamid, and Celeste Ng. Books you really should read. Books you’ll want to reach out and grab, without noticing that the earth below you is lightly covered in branches hiding a spike-filled pit. So come down to the library for the used book sale. No need to shower beforehand, your natural scent makes you easier to track. This has been a public service announcement.

Coach Beaumont has finally completed her pre-season press conference, and she finished it off with quite a statement. When asked what the overall strategy for this year would be, Beaumont said: “Surpriiise!” But she said it just like that, with her eyes wide and arms raised and there was a looong silence as the reporters waited for what was to happen next. The energy faded as Beaumont slowly lowered her hands, a lone cough came from the back of the room. Beaumont then continued: “Oh, our strategy is surprise. We don’t want our opponents to have any time to prepare for us, so we scheduled every single game simultaneously. All five division rivals will play us at once,” she said. “We kick off in like five minutes. I should go. As the leader of this team, I can’t be late for the national anthem, the pledge of allegiance, the eldritch chant of national unity, the Secret Police helicopter flyover, and the pre-game bloodstone bacchanal dance.” Now the reporters frantically shouted the rest of their questions. “Are you going to protest your quarterback’s disqualification?” “How will you compete against five teams at once?” “How many balls will be used?” “Where do we go when we die” and “What is football? Are you a football?” But Beaumont had already left.

I’m getting word that the game has kicked off at the Night Vale High School. Now I’m not a sports fan, but even I’m intrigued. I gotta see this.

Uh, let me take you now To the weather.

[Raising Helvetica" by Sims x Air Credits x ICETEP sims.bandcamp.com ]

The Scorpions got off to a rough start. Two of their defensive line men accepted compliments from the Whispering Forest players. “Oh, that was such a nice tacklllllle, you must be very proud of your training and dedication to this spooooort,” the trees whispered. “We’re impressed by your talents and chaaaarm!” Suddenly, the two Night Vale players were trees. The opposing teams rallied together, handing the ball off to the Pine Cliff running back Alfonso Menendez, who simply could not be tackled. By the end of the first quarter, the Scorpions were down 20 to nothing. It would have been 21, but Desert Bluffs kicker, Leonard Clayton, missed an extra point, probably because he’s so poorly coached. In the second quarter, Night Vale’s Prince Reynolds scored a quick touchdown to make it 20 to 7. They followed that with a field goal after a fumble by Cactus Park’s Patrick Lyle, who was carrying the ball with his teeth, instead of holding it tight to his chest, leaving Night Vale down 20 to 10. Coach Beaumont told her team at half time that they were doing great, but they needed to focus more on the fundamentals of the game. “Keep your eyes on the runners’ hips,” she shouted, “not their feet! Wrap your tackles tight!” She encouraged her offensive players to pick up their correct blocking assignments. “Tim!” she yelled, referring to offensive guard Timothy Lano. “Stop trying to block the trees! They can’t run, and the ghosts, they can’t tackle! Worry about tangible humans, Tim!” 

The team seemed dejected without their starting quarterback Junius Duncan. Beaumont began a powerful and inspiring pep talk. She brought in a ten-piece brass band to perform Gustav Holst’s “Second Suite in F” underneath her speech. “You can beat anyone if you believe in yourselves!” she began. “It would totally help if we had Duncan in the game though.” Then she said: “Surprise!” and opened up a Ralphs bag with three pairs of gloves. “Duncan, put these on like you have six arms,” she said. “Can you walk on your back two legs?” Duncan nodded yes, but no one notice because there was no joint allowing free movement of his head atop his thorax. So he had to hiss and leap up and down to demonstrate his bipedal abilities. The team let out a relieved cheer of “Win! All the time! Right now!” and ran onto the field, rejuvenated by their flouting of government issued regulations.

Duncan struggled early with his passes, as he had no fingers to fill his gloves, but he did score six touchdowns by simply leaping 20 yards at a time down the field, and tying up defenders in webs. He was penalized 15 yards, though, for attempting to use his venom to paralyze the bodies of his prey.

In the end, Night Vale won, 52-45, earning the district title before the season even started. Uh, what an exciting game! Carlos and the rest of the family joined me and we ate nachos and drank sodas and shouted cheers like, “Go team go!” and “Ooooh, blood!” And “Ooooooo, bloooood!” Carlos even bought me one of those pointing foam fingers that says “Someone talked! Identify the traitor.” [chuckles]

The whole game was visceral and communal. You know, maybe I’m a sports fan after all. I hope this victory, too, brings some joy to former coach Nazr al-Mujaheed. I’m sure it didn’t heal him, but hopefully it offered him temporary relief from pain.

Stay tuned next for Gentle Takes, our political roundtable where the hosts listen to each other talk about their days while they knit and say, “Thanks for sharing that with me.”

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Dress for the job you want: sports team mascot. Not the job you have: customer service manager.

[71tenseventeen]

Shelter-Pt. 1

Sidney was five the first time he met Troy.  Well, that he remembers, anyhow.

Mama has just finished cooking dinner— hot dogs and Kraft dinner, Sidney’s favorite—when someone bangs on the front door.  Mama sets Sidney’s plate in front of him and drops a kiss on his head.  “You can start, sweetheart.  I’ll be right back.”

He hears her say “Troy...” and Sidney doesn’t know anyone named Troy but something in Mama’s tone makes him think she does.

“...been more than three years, Troy.  Why now?”

“...clean for six months, Trina… ready to have my family back...swear I’m ready for this...miss you both…”

He can hear them talking but he doesn’t understand what most of it means—it’s like that a lot when he listens to adults talk.  He doesn’t really worry about it; soon the man will be gone and Mama will come back and sit at the table with him.  She got paid today and bought them a carton of ice cream for dessert even though he had ice cream (and a cupcake) two weeks ago for his birthday.  Sidney likes ice cream and Mama bought his favorite flavor—vanilla—so he hopes she’ll be done soon.

But they’re still talking when Sidney finishes his dinner.

They’re still talking after Sidney stands on the step stool and rinses his plate like Mama taught him so he pushes through the swinging door of the kitchen and into the living room, stopping when he sees Mama sitting on the couch, eyes red and wet.

The man—Troy—lights up in a smile and holds open his arms.  “Sidney, my boy!”

Sidney looks from the man to Mama. The man frowns.

“Well come on, Sid. Give your old man a hug.”

Sidney doesn’t understand. Mama clears her throat and stands, taking his hand.  “Sidney, this is your father.”

Oh.

Mama leads him to the man—his dad—and he lets himself be folded into an embrace.  His dad smells funny.  Sidney doesn’t like it and he doesn’t like the man hugging him but he doesn’t think it will be okay to say that.  When Troy releases Sidney, Mama gently nudges him towards the door.  “Go play out front, honey.  Your dad and I need to talk.”

“But what about ice cream?”

Troy gives Sidney a stern look.  “Go on now, do as your mother told you.”  

Sidney goes outside.

Mama told him to play but it’s getting dark and he doesn’t like being outside in the dark without Mama so he sits on the porch steps. He can still hear them.

“What’s wrong with him, Trina?  Why did he act like that?”

“He was only two the last time he saw you, Troy.  Don’t be angry at him, it’s not his fault.  He was too young to remember.”

“I’m his father.”  Troy sounds mad.  Sidney doesn’t like it.  He just wants his dad to leave so he can go inside and have ice cream with Mama.  Instead he moves down to the grass and sits as close as he can to the house without hearing them.  He doesn’t want to hear Troy any more.  

It’s dark by the time Mama calls him in and tells him to go back to the kitchen table.

He sits and watches as Mama fills a plate with food and puts it in the microwave.  Sidney wonders if she doesn’t know that he already ate all his dinner but when she takes it out, she puts it in front of Troy who is talking about jobs and his friend named Scott.

Mama scoops out a bowl of ice cream for Sidney before sitting down with her own plate, long cold.  She doesn’t microwave it first.

Sidney eats his ice cream in silence wondering why it doesn’t taste good to him tonight.

Sidney’s still five when he’s sitting on the porch in March.  It’s cold and he wants to go in and but Mama and Troy are yelling and it scares him when Troy yells. He’d go out further into the yard but he has to go further than he’s allowed to go to not be able to hear them so he pulls his hat lower over his ears and wears earmuffs over them.

He sits on the porch a lot.

Troy gets louder and Sidney puts his hands over his earmuffs and presses as he starts to hum, rocking back and forth to generate warmth.  He can still hear them but it’s a little bit quieter.

He hums louder.

He startles hard at the loud clatter of glass breaking and Mama screams.  Sidney jumps up and stares at the closed door.  It’s never been like this before.  

Sidney is scared.

The door slams open and Sidney is terrified but it’s Mama and he’s so relieved but she’s rushing at him and her face is red and her eye is puffy and blue.  She scoops him up and dashes across the lawn.  Mama hasn’t carried him in a long time.  Sidney holds on tight.

Troy comes out the door, yelling for Mama to get back inside.  Sidney fists his hands into the back of her shirt.  

Troy is coming towards them and Sidney sobs in fear but then their neighbors are outside and the man—he always tells Sidney to call him Stan—is yelling for Troy to calm down.  The woman—a nice woman named Dorothy who always slips Sidney pieces of candy and cookies—ushers Mama and Sidney over and then inside.

The police come and take Troy away; it’s been seven months since he came.

Sidney is happy he’s gone.

Sidney is seven when Troy comes back.  He’s there with Mama when Sidney gets off the school bus after school.  He’s being nicer than Sidney ever remembers him being and Mama is smiling a lot.  Sidney waits for Mama to tell Troy he can’t stay but instead Mama smiles and says Troy is going to stay with them for a few nights until he finds a place of his own.  Sidney’s stomach hurts.

Troy stays six months this time.

It’s better at first.  It’s always better at first.  

Mom tells Sidney he can stay in hockey lessons but Troy doesn’t like the idea.  He wants Sidney to play baseball just like Troy had growing up so Sidney signs up for baseball.  He hates it and he’s not very good at it—a fact that Troy rarely lets him forget.  He makes Sidney practice relentlessly and stands on the sidelines at each game, yelling at him while Sidney stands red faced and in tears on the field.

Sidney hates every second of it; hates Troy.  But he keeps trying because Mama seems happier even if Troy does snap at her when she asks him to ease up on Sidney.

“You fucking baby that kid too much, Trina.  He’s not going to last if he doesn’t toughen up.”

“Troy, he’s only seven.  He’s just a child.”

“Did you see any other kids standing out there about to cry?  It’s fucking embarrassing.  If he keeps that shit up, kids are going to tear him to pieces.  You want that to happen?”

“No of course not!  But I don’t think…”

“That’s right, you don’t think.  That’s why he is the way he is but not anymore.  I’m going to make a man out of that boy.”

Sidney stops listening after that.

The next evening, Troy is cranky and smells funny.  Trina keeps shooting frustrated looks at him but doesn’t say anything, even when Troy critiques Sidney’s game play all the way to the ballpark.  

Troy is yelling a lot more tonight and it makes Sidney nervous.

And then Sidney fumbles a grounder and Troy pushes past coach and onto the field, heading straight for him.  And Sidney—Sidney is scared because Troy looks like he wants to kill him and Sidney starts to cry, even as the refs and Mama and Coach and even a few other parents surround Troy and pull him away.  

Troy gets kicked out of the game.

Except he won’t leave and someone calls the police and Trina cries.  Sidney leaves the field and stands holding her hand until the police come and take Troy away.

The next day Mama tells Sidney that Troy doesn’t live with them anymore and he doesn’t have to play baseball anymore.  

The next week he’s back in his old hockey classes and he’s happy again.

[icosahedonist]

Untitled Angst-Pt. 1

I know you love angst.  My current WIP:  

Sidney was five the first time he met Troy.  Well, that he remembers, anyhow. 

Mama has just finished cooking dinner— hot dogs and Kraft dinner, Sidney’s favorite—when someone bangs on the front door.  Mama sets Sidney’s plate in front of him and drops a kiss on his head.  “You can start, sweetheart.  I’ll be right back.” 

He hears her say “Troy…” and Sidney doesn’t know anyone named Troy but something in Mama’s tone makes him think she does. 

“…been more than three years, Troy.  Why now?” 

“…clean for six months, Trina… ready to have my family back…swear I’m ready for this…miss you both…” 

He can hear them talking but he doesn’t understand what most of it means—it’s like that a lot when he listens to adults talk.  He doesn’t really worry about it; soon the man will be gone and Mama will come back and sit at the table with him.  She got paid today and bought them a carton of ice cream for dessert even though he had ice cream (and a cupcake) two weeks ago for his birthday.  Sidney likes ice cream and Mama bought his favorite flavor—vanilla—so he hopes she’ll be done soon. 

But they’re still talking when Sidney finishes his dinner. 

They’re still talking after Sidney stands on the step stool and rinses his plate like Mama taught him so he pushes through the swinging door of the kitchen and into the living room, stopping when he sees Mama sitting on the couch, eyes red and wet. 

The man—Troy—lights up in a smile and holds open his arms.  “Sidney, my boy!” 

Sidney looks from the man to Mama. The man frowns. 

“Well come on, Sid. Give your old man a hug.” 

Sidney doesn’t understand. Mama clears her throat and stands, taking his hand.  “Sidney, this is your father.” 

Oh. 

Mama leads him to the man—his dad—and he lets himself be folded into an embrace.  His dad smells funny.  Sidney doesn’t like it and he doesn’t like the man hugging him but he doesn’t think it will be okay to say that.  When Troy releases Sidney, Mama gently nudges him towards the door.  “Go play out front, honey.  Your dad and I need to talk.” 

“But what about ice cream?” 

Troy gives Sidney a stern look.  “Go on now, do as your mother told you.”  

Sidney goes outside. 

Mama told him to play but it’s getting dark and he doesn’t like being outside in the dark without Mama so he sits on the porch steps. He can still hear them. 

“What’s wrong with him, Trina?  Why did he act like that?” 

“He was only two the last time he saw you, Troy.  Don’t be angry at him, it’s not his fault.  He was too young to remember.” 

“I’m his father.”  Troy sounds mad.  Sidney doesn’t like it.  He just wants his dad to leave so he can go inside and have ice cream with Mama.  Instead he moves down to the grass and sits as close as he can to the house without hearing them.  He doesn’t want to hear Troy any more.  

It’s dark by the time Mama calls him in and tells him to go back to the kitchen table. 

He sits and watches as Mama fills a plate with food and puts it in the microwave.  Sidney wonders if she doesn’t know that he already ate all his dinner but when she takes it out, she puts it in front of Troy who is talking about jobs and his friend named Scott. 

Mama scoops out a bowl of ice cream for Sidney before sitting down with her own plate, long cold.

She doesn’t microwave it first. 

Sidney eats his ice cream in silence wondering why it doesn’t taste good to him tonight.

Sidney’s still five when he’s sitting on the porch in March.  It’s cold and he wants to go in and but Mama and Troy are yelling and it scares him when Troy yells. He’d go out further into the yard but he has to go further than he’s allowed to go to not be able to hear them so he pulls his hat lower over his ears and wears earmuffs over them. 

He sits on the porch a lot. 

Troy gets louder and Sidney puts his hands over his earmuffs and presses as he starts to hum, rocking back and forth to generate warmth.  He can still hear them but it’s a little bit quieter. 

He hums louder. 

He startles hard at the loud clatter of glass breaking and Mama screams.  Sidney jumps up and stares at the closed door.  It’s never been like this before.  

Sidney is scared. 

The door slams open and Sidney is terrified but it’s Mama and he’s so relieved but she’s rushing at him and her face is red and her eye is puffy and blue.  She scoops him up and dashes across the lawn.  Mama hasn’t carried him in a long time.  Sidney holds on tight. 

Troy comes out the door, yelling for Mama to get back inside.  Sidney fists his hands into the back of her shirt.  

Troy is coming towards them and Sidney sobs in fear but then their neighbors are outside and the man—he always tells Sidney to call him Stan—is yelling for Troy to calm down.  The woman—a nice woman named Dorothy who always slips Sidney pieces of candy and cookies—ushers Mama and Sidney over and then inside. 

The police come and take Troy away; it’s been seven months since he came. 

Sidney is happy he’s gone.

Sidney is seven when Troy comes back.  He’s there with Mama when Sidney gets off the school bus after school.  He’s being nicer than Sidney ever remembers him being and Mama is smiling a lot.  Sidney waits for Mama to tell Troy he can’t stay but instead Mama smiles and says Troy is going to stay with them for a few nights until he finds a place of his own.  Sidney’s stomach hurts. 

Troy stays six months this time. 

It’s better at first.  It’s always better at first.  

Mom tells Sidney he can stay in hockey lessons but Troy doesn’t like the idea.  He wants Sidney to play baseball just like Troy had growing up so Sidney signs up for baseball.  He hates it and he’s not very good at it—a fact that Troy rarely lets him forget.  He makes Sidney practice relentlessly and stands on the sidelines at each game, yelling at him while Sidney stands red faced and in tears on the field. 

Sidney hates every second of it; hates Troy.  But he keeps trying because Mama seems happier even if Troy does snap at her when she asks him to ease up on Sidney. 

“You fucking baby that kid too much, Trina.  He’s not going to last if he doesn’t toughen up.”

“Troy, he’s only seven.  He’s just a child.” 

“Did you see any other kids standing out there about to cry?  It’s fucking embarrassing.  If he keeps that shit up, kids are going to tear him to pieces.  You want that to happen?” 

“No of course not!  But I don’t think…”

“That’s right, you don’t think.  That’s why he is the way he is but not anymore.  I’m going to make a man out of that boy.” 

Sidney stops listening after that. 

The next evening, Troy is cranky and smells funny.  Trina keeps shooting frustrated looks at him but doesn’t say anything, even when Troy critiques Sidney’s game play all the way to the ballpark.  

Troy is yelling a lot more tonight and it makes Sidney nervous. 

And then Sidney fumbles a grounder and Troy pushes past coach and onto the field, heading straight for him.  And Sidney—Sidney is scared because Troy looks like he wants to kill him and Sidney starts to cry, even as the refs and Mama and Coach and even a few other parents surround Troy and pull him away.  

Troy gets kicked out of the game. 

Except he won’t leave and someone calls the police and Trina cries.  Sidney leaves the field and stands holding her hand until the police come and take Troy away. 

The next day Mama tells Sidney that Troy doesn’t live with them anymore and he doesn’t have to play baseball anymore.  

The next week he’s back in his old hockey classes and he’s happy again.

Cosie says: YEAH BUDDY I SURE DO LOVE ANGST thank you for submitting this, anon! I very much look forward to seeing more of your work!

[blueberrytater]

first

Chapter 1: first you get close, then you get worried…

can’t believe I actually finished a chapter of a fic and i’m posting it?? amazing, huge shoutout to @kentvparsin​ for reading this over & not blocking me after the millions of texts i sent them

title is from “first” by the Cold War Kids

disclaimer: all emails & numbers in this fic were completely made up by me 

read on ao3 here!

     When Alexei’s roommate moves out to live with his girlfriend, he quickly finds out that he can’t afford is apartment by himself for very long. So, when he puts an ad out in the paper, his highest expectations are a roommate that leaves him with a messy home but still pays rent on time. What he gets is Kent Parson. Kent emailed him about his ad almost right as he posted it. Now, Alexei isn’t dumb, he likes hockey and he watches it often. He lives in Providence, for god sakes, if he wasn’t into hockey, he’d be run out of town. He heard about Kent’s injury when he was watching ESPN after work one night, he didn’t watch the Aces game the night before but they kept playing replays of Kent’s injury over and over again. Kent though, was back on the ice within a few weeks and Aces management and Kent himself assured everyone that he was fine to play. Then, one night during a Aces v. Kings game, Kent just collapsed on the ice. No one was around him, he was barely on the ice for a minute at the start of the second period. The refs blew the whistle, players and staff rushed over to him. Alexei was on the edge of his seat, waiting to see if Parson got up by himself. With the help of players and trainers, Kent eventually was able to stand up, even if he was using Troy for support the whole time off the ice. It was announced a few weeks later through Aces PR that Kent would be retiring due to an injury. Even though Alexei was never a big Aces fan, he was still crushed for the team and Kent. After the announcement, there was radio silence from Kent on all of his social media, even his cat’s instagram. So when Kent emailed him about his apartment, Alexei was surprised to say the least, mainly because the email he received did not sound like how he thought Kent would:

Kent Parson < kvparson@gmail.com >

to me:

Alexei-

I saw your ad about needing a roommate. I’m clean, wouldn’t be in your way or anything. I’m capable of giving you rent money for months well in advance. I need a place to stay to try and get back on my feet. I do have a cat, though, so if that is a problem, please let me know. Please contact me by either email or phone, either is fine by me.

Thanks,

Kent Parson

598-2679

kvparson@gmail.com

      Alexei read the email over and over again, he thought that maybe it was a prank, but then again why would it be? It would be a weird prank to pull on someone who has no connection to Parson at all.  After a few minutes of thinking, he decided to email back.:

Alexei Mashkov < mashkov.alexei@gmail.com >

to Kent Parson:

Hello Kent!

The cat is no problem, I’m not allergic but is smaller apartment so she might  not   have a lot of room to run around ((, but if that is no problem, then we can meetup to talk about rent and moving in!

Have good day! ))

Alexei

    After sending the email, he debated taking down the ad, but decided to leave it up incase this was just some person messing with others. He closed the tab that had his email open so he wasn’t tempted to keep refreshing it as he was waiting for a response. He opened his school email instead, he had a few parents to email about their students performance in class and decided to get the drafts done now so he can send them out on Monday. Even though many friends and family thought his choice to move to America and become a high school teacher, of all things, was silly and stupid, he still did it. As soon as he got his degree, he moved out to America and got his teaching certificate at the first university that would let him. Alexei moved from state to state, trying to find a high school that would hire him. He eventually found a job at a high school in Providence that would pay him a decent amount for being a first time teacher. He loved teaching and he loved teaching history to his students, he loved when they got interested and asked questions. He loved his job even when he had problem students, like Jeremy from his fifth period class, he never paid attention or handed in his homework. The email he was typing out would be the third one to his parents, this time he’s hoping that they can get together for a parent-teacher conference. Alexei sighed, he finished his emails up pretty quickly, he was lucky that he didn’t have too many problem students. He shut his laptop and stretched, he looked over at the pile of ungraded papers from his senior history class and groaned, he really did not want to touch those yet. He was saved when his phone rang and was able to talk to his mother for a little.

Once he was off the phone, it was nearing late-lunch time, he talked to his mother for longer than he thought but it felt good to talk to her again. Deciding he can’t grade on a empty stomach, he gathers the ingredients for his lunch. As Alexei let his food cook, he checked his phone, scrolling through all his social media. He checked his email too and found a reply from Kent in his inbox:

Kent Parson <kvparson@gmail.com>

to me:

Alexei-

My cat will be fine, she’s older so she doesn’t run as much as she used to and if she wants to, she’ll find a way. Want to meet up at Bittle’s Bakery on fourth street around 3:30pm? Sorry it’s such short notice, I can work around your schedule.

Let me know,

Kent

Alexei flicks his eyes up to the time on his phone, it was almost two now and Kent sent the email around noon. He quickly typed a reply and hit send:

Alexei Mashkov <mashkov.alexei@gmail.com>

to Kent Parson:

Yes! Works for me, here is my number so we can message faster ))

325-2498

See you soon!

Alexei

He finishes up what was cooking of his lunch and packs it up, he figures he can eat it at another time. He freshens up and changes, Bittle’s Bakery was in center city and would take Alexei about fifteen minutes to walk there, he would drive but it’s a weekend and Alexei would like to save himself some frustration. He tries to clean up the apartment before he leaves, incase Kent wants to come back and see it in person. Alexei gets distracted in cleaning that he doesn’t realize that it’s almost 3:20 and he’s rushing out the door.

It’s about 3:35 by the time he gets to the bakery, he checks his phone seeing that Kent texted him four minutes ago, telling him where he’s sitting. He scans the bakery, it’s pretty crowded, but Alexei was able to spot Kent sitting in the back towards the kitchen and Alexei rushes over to him.

“Hello, sorry I’m late, got distracted cleaning and not realize time. I’m Alexei.” He sits down in the chair across from Kent, giving him a soft smile.

Kent gives him a small smile back, “It’s alright, man. I’m Kent, nice to meet you.” Kent fiddles with his phone in his hand, spinning it and flipping it around different ways while looking around the bakery, like he’s waiting for someone to pop out.

Alexei doesn’t mention it. “So with splitting rent, it will be seven-hundred and fifty each month, is that okay? I’m pay directly to landlord so you give me the money each month.”

Kent nods, “Yeah, that’s fine, what do I have to sign?”

Alexei gives Kent the run down on the forms and things he’ll have to send to the landlord of his apartment. “Do you want to see apartment? Is not far from here.”

Kent shook his head, “Nah it’s alright, you seem like a cool guy and I doubt it’s gross. I got the idea from the pictures you had.” Alexei wasn’t going to argue with him, so he gave Kent the landlord’s name and email. Before he left, he told Kent to call him if he needed help and when he got everything settled. Kent said his thanks and smiled as Alexei left.

About a week later, Kent was moving in the last of his stuff into the apartment. It was a little crazy moving him, since the first thing he did was move his cat in, making sure she was comfortable. Kent didn’t have as much stuff as Alexei thought he would, he had his own mattress and furniture but not many personal items, he figured he would have more being Kent Parson, but Alexei realized you can’t judge someone based off how they appear in the media.

The first night Kent is officially moved in and settled, Alexei tries to make him feel welcome. He asked him if he wanted to get take out with him and watch a movie, but Kent declined, saying he was tired and still had more boxes to unpack in his room. Alexei smiled and told him if he needed help to come get him. Kent retreated to his new room in response, Kit following him and Kent closed the door once Kit was in.

Alexei got take out for himself and graded papers while he ate, he was worried about Kent but it wasn’t his place to, maybe Kent had just wanted to be roommates and didn’t want to be friends with Alexei. His worrying didn’t stop when he was getting ready for bed and heard Kent on the phone, obviously upset and crying to whoever he was on the phone with. Alexei tried to keep to himself and not worry, but it was hard when the next morning, Kent looked like he never went to bed and just gave Alexei a weak smile as he passed his room when he went to the bathroom.

Alexei tried not to worry, but he’s never been very good at it.

[cameronsexybeastkingkeo]

The Words I Never Got To Say.

May 7, 2017 Finished at 3:00 AM. Let’s start from the beginning shall we. From the day we first hung out all I wanted to do was show you how much I liked you. I spent over $40 for lunch and a movie just to make a good impression on our first time hanging out. You didn’t take out your wallet once that whole day because I paid for literally everything. I put on my most favorite outfit to impress you. That was the first day I showed you how much I tried. After that day I would walk from school to your dance studio everyday by myself. A 20 minute walk I endured during the hot spring afternoons. I walked 20 minutes back and forth from your dance studio to buy you boba before practice. I would always show up 20 minutes before you dude. I did all this just to talk to you for less than 10 minutes a day. 10 minutes. But I didn’t care about the time. All I wanted to do was talk to you. And then there came Bridge, your dance competition at Lakewood High School. I spent $20 for the ticket. For a night where you told me that you couldn’t talk to me because you didn’t want anybody to know that I was there for you. But yet I still went. I went with a handmade poster for you saying how amazing you did. I sat in the back corner of the theater for 3 hours watching people dance. I texted you right after your performance and you didn’t reply. I didn’t get to see you that night. Do you know how embarrassing it is to leave the house with a poster you made for someone and to bring it back home that same night? It wasn’t until months later that you told me that you saw me alone and you didn’t even say Hi. But I didn’t care. I shrugged it off. Instead I kept trying. Summer came and so did volleyball. I live 2 miles away from the park we play at. We always played until it went lights out. Every night I would walk home in the pitch black darkness. And do you know why? It was because it gave me an excuse to call you on the phone and talk to you for 40 minutes a night. I bought you a $45 volleyball. One that the both of us were dying to have. But you couldn’t go to the park to get it from me. But that wasn’t a problem to me. I walked to your house at 10:30 at night just to give you the ball. You came outside and talked to me. For 5 minutes. And asked me when my uber was coming. I wanted to give you something nice and that’s what I got from you that night. Then I wanted to take you to a beach volleyball open in long beach. We were together for 12 hours that day. I will always remember the time I got you dole whip and it melted on the way back to you. We sat down for dinner. Our first time eating a legit meal together. It was one of the best days of my life. Summer was ending but your season was just starting. I always wanted to watch you play so I did. I went to your first game of your junior year against whitney high school. You came up to me after that game telling me how nervous you were. I wanted that to happen after every one of your games. But it didn’t. After that day you told me that you couldn’t talk to me again. You told me that it was because of your dad. No other reason. So I wanted to cheer you up. I took 3 ubers from chick-fil-a to your mom’s apartment and then to my house just to drop off food for you. You weren’t home. After that you still didn’t talk to me. But I continued to go watch your games. I took the bus every day to watch your games. I sat in the bleachers alone and cheered my loudest for you. You never came up to me after the games. And let’s not forget the 6 hour tournament i went to. I sat down that whole time watching you play. I was at that tournament all by myself. I was there for you. Nobody else. But I got the same result as before. You would continue to leave me. You would continue to never tell me why you did. I would try to text you but you would never respond. Christmas was coming around so I decided to buy you a gift. 2 gifts. A long sleeve from Pink and a Tina belcher Christmas sweater. I asked if I could give them to you. If we could have our own personal friendsmas. You said sure. But you gave me only 2 hours. I never wrapped a present before until I attempted to wrap yours. I dressed up so nicely that day. Hair all done, nice shoes, pants, and even my braces off. Just for 2 hours. Then came winter break. And we had our little adventures. I lied to my girlfriend so I could hang out with you. I told her i was up in the mountains hiking just so you and I could go hang out together. You told me you had feelings for me that winter. I told you I’ve been having them for you. You and I got matching bracelets that break. Something that I kept denying to get with my other 2 girlfriend’s. I broke up with my girlfriend just so I could be with you. Someone that I had dated FOR OVER A YEAR. I fucked up her whole school year just so I could be with you. She hated me for whole year and talked shit about me 24/7 at school. It wasn’t until earlier this week that she made me realize how much I’m not okay. She came up to me and ask me what was wrong. And I was able to give her the satisfaction and tell her what happened between us. Oh yeah but besides her. All of those things that I said up there about me trying for you? I did all of this while we were just friends. Friends. If I could do all of this while just being friends with you imagine all the things I did while we were actually together. I tried to give you everything that I could’ve given you. I tried to buy you everything. Clothes. Food. Shoes. I spent all of my weekly money on you every single time. I lost all of my friends because I hung out with you so much. You were my best friend. I wanted to do anything and everything with you. I let you do my makeup. I let you paint my nails. Everyday I told you how beautiful you are to me. Everyday I’d tell you how much I love you. I would literally drop anything I’m doing just to make sure that you’re okay. You told me that you hurt yourself. I rushed home from school and drove to target to buy you aloe vera, bandages, and chocolate. I would try to drive us wherever you wanted to go. The movies, shopping centers, the beach, volleyball games. I would drive us to and from all of your volleyball tournaments. Do you know how expensive those are? Having to pay for both admission AND parking every weekend? And let’s not forget that I would cheer alone every game. You would always be busy playing or reffing and I’d be alone the whole day. But I didn’t mind one bit. I loved watching you play so much. I try to give you everything. I always want to show you how much I care for you. I planned out my whole future with you. Our future college, work, home, kids, everything. And now without you there is no future for me. I never thought that I would get to the point where I would want to give up on you. Until tonight. Tonight was probably one of the most embarrassing nights of my life. You told me that you were skipping prom because of me. I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted to bring prom to you. I dressed up at 10:30 at night. Bought a huge bouquet of flowers for you. Bought you a Baby Groot. And a tiara. I rehearsed what I would say to you for 2 straight days. I played the song we slow danced too at last year’s prom. I crowned you my personal Prom Queen. I expected a typical movie ending, a reaction where you’d be in my arms crying from the most romantic thing I’ve ever done in my life. But I got the opposite. The whole time I talked you didn’t even look up once. I had to pull you so you would hold me. You didn’t smile. AT ALL. When I gave you all the stuff I bought you. YOU COULDN’T EVEN KISS ME BACK. And then you tell me that you decided to go to prom. Instead you just told me that you couldn’t stay outside with me. That you didn’t want to talk to me. You left me in the rain feeling stupid and worthless. I never wanted to end my life as much as that moment. After I got home from that moment I didn’t even bother to go inside the house. I was too embarrassed to face my family. Instead I walked around my neighborhood for 2 hours. I listened to the same song over and over for 2 hours. It was 50 degrees and raining outside and all I had was a shirt on. I TRIED to give myself pneumonia. I cried so much that I couldn’t tell if it was rain or tears on my face. I know that I’ve done a lot of bad things in our relationship. But I always try to come back stronger for us. I always changed my whole personality just for you. You know how much you fucking mean to me. I have never cried for so long. For so many consecutive days for someone. I have never cried in school about ANYTHING. But I ended up doing it. Several times a day for three days. If that doesn’t show how much I fucking miss you then i don’t know what will. I haven’t been able to sleep ever since you left me last week. The first night you left me I stayed up for over 24 hours because all I did was think about you. I drove to the beach at 4:30 in the morning just to try to get my mind off of you. I sleep at 2 AM everyday because all I do is fucking worry about you. I’m worried about how you’re doing. If you’re safe or not. If you’re at home. If you’re talking to anybody else… I know I’m greedy. I know I’m selfish. But I love you and I just want you all to myself all the fucking time. I don’t want to think about you with anybody else I don’t want anyone else to have you. Since the beginning of our relationship I told you that I would never breakup with you because I knew you were the perfect one for me. I told you all the time that I would never breakup with you if I was offered everything I ever wanted. I would never breakup with you. That the only time I would leave you would be on my deathbed telling you with my last breath how much I love you. You PROMISED ME that you would NEVER LEAVE. You tell me not to break my promises but look at the one you broke. I know you made me promise not to do what you don’t want me to. But after tonight I wish that I never made the promise. I know I did a lot of shit. I know that our relationship isn’t the perfect one you dream of. I know that I’m not the perfect guy you want either. But I’m the guy who loves you more than life itself. The guy who puts you in front of his own family because he loves you so much. I know I fucked up the past year but everything that I’ve ever done for you during the past 3 years, while in a relationship or not, shows how much I want to fucking be with you, shows how much you mean to me, shows how much I always want things to work, shows how much I’ll never give up no matter how bad it gets. Everything that I’ve ever done for you in the past 3 years overshadows all of the things I regretted doing to you in the past 1 year. I know you told me that you just want to fix yourself. But I just want to be there for you. I WANT TO HELP FIX YOU. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. ISN’T THAT WHAT TRUE LOVE IS ABOUT? The worse part is, is whenever you say that you don’t WANT to break up, but that you HAVE to. The saying is that, “You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to.” And look where we are now. One year and three months later. I know you tell me that you’ll always love me. And that it’ll always be there. But I’m sorry. I’d rather have that love with you in a relationship with me. How can you say that you’ll always love me but tell me that you don’t see a future with us anymore. To me that’s bullshit. When I first met you I knew that you were the girl of my dreams. I would do anything o be with you and i have done anything to be with you. To just call you my girlfriend. I always thought that I would do everything for you. But after tonight I reached my breaking point. I never thought that I would want to give up on you. That I would want to stop trying to be with you. But you showed me that everything I did was just a waste of time and that I should be sorry for putting you through it. Well I am sorry. I’m sorry I wasted 3 years of your life when I should’ve taken the hint the first time back in 2015. But look. I’m so in love with you that I’m still here for you. I’m always going to want to get back together with you everyday of my life. As long as my life will last. I hope you’re happy with your decision. To me it will always be the worst one. But like you’ve proven to me, there’s nothing I can do to win you back.

[junker-town]

North Carolina called its shot at redemption and stuck the landing

The Tar Heels found vindication in the national championship game on Monday night 364 days after the biggest heartbreak of their lives

GLENDALE, Ariz. — Justin Jackson knew North Carolina wouldn’t be able to escape the word all year. At least they could try to own it.

The Tar Heels had just started to get together for the new season a few short months after being on the wrong side of Kris Jenkins’ historic national championship buzzer-beater. The first thing they needed was a fresh players-only group text, one without departed stalwarts Marcus Paige and Brice Johnson and with this year’s freshman class.

Jackson took it upon himself to give it a title: “Redemption.”

The word popped up on their phones every day, from the start of summer workouts all the way up to Monday’s national championship game against Gonzaga. The Heels had clawed back to college basketball’s biggest stage. Now they had to finish the job.

The game followed familiar beats. A year ago against Villanova, the Tar Heels were clinging to a one-point lead as the public address announcer notified the building there was one minute remaining. North Carolina heard those words again on Monday in the exact same scenario: leading by one and praying like hell they’d hold on.

This time around, the Heels caught a break: Kennedy Meeks’ hand appeared to be out of bounds on a scramble for a loose ball with 50 seconds left, but the refs never reviewed it. The possession arrow was going North Carolina’s way. This time they’d make it count.

The ball went into senior Isaiah Hicks down low, and he hit a righty hook shot with 27 seconds left to push the lead to three. Gonzaga called time out and put the ball in their best player’s hands, but Nigel Williams-Goss’ shot attempt was stuffed by Meeks. Joel Berry II picked up the ball and threw it up court to Jackson, who flushed home the final points.

Redemption is a word with biblical origins, one that can mean different things to different people. Hicks put it in his own terms. With the championship net draped around his neck like a bib, Hicks summed up the feeling of making it back to the title game and this time coming out on top.

“Last year was the worst,” he said. “This year is the best.”

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

North Carolina’s run through the NCAA tournament ended with new hats commemorating their national championship on Monday night. It started with new hats, too.

When the Tar Heels arrived in Greenville, S.C. on March 15 ahead of their first round matchup against Texas Southern, the entire team showed up wearing custom, hand-made hats. Freshman walk-on Shea Rush made them himself.

As a high school student, Rush admired the style of pro athletes like Cam Newton and Carmelo Anthony who rocked fancy, retro hats. The only problem was that he couldn’t afford one.

Instead, Rush did the next best thing: he started making hats himself. When he arrived in Chapel Hill and teammates took notice, Rush made it his mission to make hats for the entire team before the start of the NCAA tournament.

Rush purchased all the materials on his own accord. He steamed and ironed them. He let his teammates and coaches decide how they wanted it to look: the color, the brim width, the trimmings. He started making the hats seven at a time and by the time was done he had 24 of them.

Traveling in style. #GetIntoIt #marchmadness http://pic.twitter.com/l8oia9fu20

— Carolina Basketball (@UNC_Basketball) March 15, 2017

In the post-game locker room on Monday, Rush said winning the national title had given him new inspiration. He wanted to put some gold flourishes on his next hat to give it a “championship feel”. Maybe he’d even use a piece of the nets North Carolina had just cut down.

“I love making hats,” Rush said after the game wearing new championship baseball cap. “But this is better than any hat I’ve ever made.”

Some of his teammates weren’t so sure. Luke Maye — who hit the buzzer-beater to defeat Kentucky in the Elite Eight, then didn’t score at all in the Final Four — took off the new championship baseball cap to wear the hat Rush gave him as he walked out of the locker room and into the team bus at the very end of the night.

Hicks was initially hesitant when Rush offered to make him a hat, but he grew to appreciate it. He admired the passion, commitment, and generosity of a walk-on who never played. It took a lot of hustle to finish those hats on time, but Rush pulled through.

“I thought that hat summarized what this hat means to us,” Hicks said with a smile.

USA Today Sports

The man who crushed North Carolina’s dreams 364 days ago was back in the building as the Tar Heels got their shot at redemption. You couldn’t miss him: every time the camera panned to Roy Williams on the sideline, there was Kris Jenkins sitting behind him.

Jenkins connection with this North Carolina team is well told at this point: he grew up playing basketball with UNC guard Nate Britt, and was adopted by his parents in 2007 when his biological mother was struggling to provide.

Jenkins was with the Britts on Monday, but this time he was wearing a North Carolina t-shirt. As the Tar Heels trailed by three at halftime, I asked Jenkins if being back at the national championship game gave him the itch to play.

“Nah, they got this,” he said.

Jenkins watched the confetti, Carolina blue and white, rain down from the University of Phoenix Stadium ceiling as he tried to mouth a message to his brother. He had seen Nate Britt come full circle, from a devastating loss in the title game because of his shot to a national champion one year later. He started to get emotional just thinking about it.

“I didn’t cry after we won,” Jenkins said. “But I cried a little bit after they won.”

Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images

For North Carolina, redemption was never preordained. It could have slipped through their fingers so many times.

The Heels nearly blew a big lead to Arkansas in the second round, and Williams was quick to note they were lucky to survive. The Elite Eight game against Kentucky came down to a wild final sequence, with Williams electing to let his team attack the Wildcats rather than call a timeout after Malik Monk’s incredible three-pointer tied the game with nine seconds left. Maye ended it at the buzzer.

The win over Oregon on Saturday was just as dramatic. UNC missed four straight free throws late, but grabbed consecutive offensive rebounds to seal the victory as Ducks center Jordan Bell broke down in tears.

Gonzaga was the better team for much of Monday night. If freshman star Zach Collins didn’t get called for a questionable fourth foul early in the second half, it might be a different story. Same goes for the non-call on Meeks with his hand out of bounds for that key loose ball with under one minute remaining.

UNC shot only 35.6 percent from the field on Monday. Jackson, their best player all year, went 0-for-9 on threes. Berry’s effectiveness was threatened throughout the tournament before he rallied for 22 points in the title game on his way to being named Most Outstanding Player.

“We told him if his toe was going to fall off, tape it back up and get out there,” Jackson joked after the game.

Instead, North Carolina just kept surviving. They were too strong on the inside, too poised on the perimeter and had too much experience all over the roster to let this one slip away.

There’s only one order of business left for the Tar Heels. The group text needs a new name. Jackson hadn’t decided on one yet, but he has one idea in mind.

“Probably something about national champs.”