#the listening sample i found was easy though so i think i'll do well in at least that

[myriadfrogs]

c2 english exam tomorrow. i think i’m gonna explode

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary18

9/22-23/2023

listening to brainiac before bed.

i did 5 songs today but only 4 are like things i redid, i got a new short song down, exciting. have to wait a bit before i can listen to it and think about lyrics for it i think, it's fresh and i'll want to mess with the guitars too much i think.

i just spaced out listening to the guitars in 'this little piggy' i'm so fucked right now. thankfully the process of fixing everything will be over soon, hopefully, probably, and hopefully i'll fall in love with everything.

i should think about reverb a little, if the record needs it or not. i really avoid it cuz it feels cheap, not like it sounds bad, i mean i feel cheap using it cuz it used to be such a crutch for me i feel like, when i was making jungle and stuff.

thinking about cheapness, and jungle i guess, apparently people spend huge amounts of money getting synths to make "ps1 jungle" now, i didn't ever consider that. it's massively fucked up, all the music i've made i've never spent a dime on, making everything i've done super cheap, which i think is sort of cool. it's fucked up to me how people will spend huge amounts of money on equipment without ever really putting anything out with it. i just don't understand having really nice things and not really doing anything outside of putzing around with them. it's not like it would become okay if they did make anything though i guess, if someone spends 2000 dollars on a synth to imitate a sound that came from a sample pack that a japanese dude used to put a song together in a day, they are wasting their time. it's also fucked up because, at the time at least, in 2019 when i was making this stuff, it felt basically liberating to make that stuff because it let you be cheap, now it's gotten super particularized. i can't really touch breaks anymore, not because of these people who i never considered until today, but more because so much mediocre breakcore is being put out, and so many people love sewerslvt, it makes me feel dire, and i decided to just give up i guess.

i went looking for old mp3s of my jungle stuff so i might put it here or something and instead i found a bunch of other old stuff. reminded me of how much i miss having access to my cousin's audio interface for recording bass and guitar.

here's some stuff from when i was trying to do guided by voices in 2021.

these kinds of songs are so fun to make. i'd like to do it again some day. it's easy to hear how bad i am at guitar, but i really did love playing at that time. i still do, i just can't record it, i just get tabs/ ideas out and transpose them to midi, so i'm basically playing fucked up hardcore only right now. or not that fucked up. i love octave chords, and then sliding up a note so it's two notes right beside eachother. i think that's such a pretty sound.

anyways. the current state of jungle makes me sad. guitar music has always only ever made me happy, even when i was sad.

what does it mean, what does it mean.

well it's not entirely true anyways. some guitar music blows and it pisses me off like all the sewerslvt adherents. some electronic music has only ever made me happy. i love everything at the end of the day and it makes me sick i guess.

it's 6 am! i spent all this time reminiscing about my old music, but i have new music, i have to keep its heart alive too. i want to keep every heart i ever found alive. i'm an awful doctor!!

okay anyways #byebye!!

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Girls' Generation in My Playlists: B-Sides

This is the second half of a post (in honor of their new album!!!) where I'll be discussing every SNSD song that I've put in my Spotify playlists, playlists which I've been avidly creating since 2020. You can listen to a playlist with all the songs from both posts using this link. Enjoy, and I hope you're reminded of old favorites or find some new ones here--I think it's easy to forget just how interesting their music is, and hopefully these posts provide a pretty good sampling!

Europa: Every time I saw this song in my playlists, I would think "what is this? why is it here?". It became one of those songs that I never paid much attention to, but I never remembered to remove it from my library, either. Listening to it while writing this post, I can't imagine why it hadn't clicked with me before, though. "Europa" is really pretty Disney music, feel-good and backed with flourishes of strings and sparkles. And to let us know that this is, specifically, Disneyland California, the final chorus has undertones of acoustic guitar riffs that feel like they're located somewhere between a coffee shop and a resort lounge. I enjoy the wispy high notes in the chorus, but I will say that this may well be the first SNSD song I've found where the instrumental is more interesting than the performance--which I think says a lot about the high level of skill these ladies have!

Fire Alarm: "Fire Alarm" includes a similar heavy funk-inspired instrumental (I don't know why, but it sounds like it's straight out of a sitcom) to the one I absolutely despise in "Girls Are Back", but for some reason this incarnation works just fine for me. I think... I think it may be the harmonies in the chorus. (I'm nothing if not consistent in my tastes!) The song plays with dissonance and glitchy hyperpop sounds to create a sci-fi landscape that feels fascinating, taking us on an ethereal joyride so captivating that we almost--almost--forget to be unsettled. You should probably keep your hands and feet inside the car for this one, though, folks!

Green Light: Like "Lion Heart", this one is comfort food, all soft guitar and sentimental, summery melodies. It also includes my favorite rap ever from Girls' Generation, lighthearted and tender in a way that matches the rest of the song perfectly. I don't have too much to say about "Green Light", I just know it belongs in playlists with my favorite soft BTS songs, and I wouldn't give it up for the world.

One Last Time: Apparently, I really enjoy pop ballads--I wouldn't name them offhand in the top five, or even the top ten, types of songs I gravitate towards, but the way I love "One Last Time" and now STAYC's "Beautiful Monster" makes me rethink that. "One Last Time" is mostly piano and vocals, with a slow and steady chorus ending in a beautiful power note. This is a good one for remembering how to breathe on a bad day--just follow the ups and downs of their voices, and you'll be okay!

Soul: "Soul" sits next to "Mr. Mr." in my sunset playlist! Right from the first chorus, vocal harmonies are joined by someone going absolutely wild with an electric guitar, and the combination sounds fantastic, especially when the synthesizers kick in. When I think of retro concepts, I don't usually imagine a k-pop group taking inspiration from 80's glam rock, but here we are, and I'm not disappointed at all!

Talk Talk: "Talk Talk" is calming without sacrificing catchiness (MY BABY LOVES TO TALK BABY LOVES TO TALK--), and the members do a really good job performing what could have been a really colorful pop song with a softness that I honestly didn't know they possessed, considering how vocally powerful their other releases are, creating a track that feels mature but still truly happy.

Telepathy: This was the first SNSD b-side I loved, and I've never stopped finding it fun! It's a sweet explosion of synth, with its arrangement feeling consistently full, even in the verses, and its chorus only increasing the feeling with vocal layering, which, as per usual for the group, sounds fantastic. This one might be too overwhelmingly cheerful for some listeners, but I think it fits perfectly on my playlist for picnics on sunny days, even if it may be too sugary for everyday fare!

[madlymiho]

Since the first didn't get through, I'll try from my PC this time. Again, thank you for co-hosting this event. Can I get a Scenario with Issho and his s/o enjoying the christmas-decoration in a port and she just can't stop describing everything to him (how beautiful everything is under the soft snow and with the lights) because he can't see it and she wants him to enjoy it as well?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!! 😱 I honestly fell in love with the wholesome emotions of this request! 🙈 I'm happy to write about Fujitora, because that blind man deserves so much happiness 🥺 I hope this little scenario will suit you! ☺️

Winter Event #2

Words: 1444

Informations: fluff - gender neutral s/o

In your Eyes

The meeting couldn’t have been better, the harbor quite well decorated at this time of the year, the air filled with numerous scents you’re honestly unable to count. Rare are the occasions when you are able to enjoy a bit of Issho’s time, your man busy of course, and always wandering here and there between Grand Line and the New World to fulfill his duty. You know how it’s important for him, somehow to find his own place in the Navy, despite his apparent strength and his obvious intelligence skills to command the soldiers of the Government. It’s never easy to reach such a high post without having to deal with some inner trust issues from time to time, especially in such a chotic world, always in motion. Both of you believe in the mission of Issho, but as you gave him this invitation, you truly expected he would actually put aside his duty for once and clear his schedule, to finally enjoy a bit of well-deserved rest. Being under the command of Sakazuki is definitely not the easiest job in the world.

Breathing some warm air in your cupped hands, you eventually hear a rather explicit hubbub among the crowd, the tall figure of Issho appearing in the middle of the couples, the children, and the busy merchants. Of course, they are all surprised to see such a high commander of the Navy wandering in the streets of their cozy harbor. A smile curls the corner of your lips as you immediately jump back on your feet, crossing the distance to meet him half way. As always, you make sure not to enter his personal space too quickly, his perception of the world honestly different from yours, since you have eyes to see, and his only has other senses to know you’re around.

“I’m here, Issho.” You murmur with an audible voice, even if you know you really don’t have to yell that much, despite the general noisy atmosphere. It has always been your way to greet him.

He offers you a content smile, always discreet, his hand gripping his baton to keep his balance, as he eventually comes closer, his other fingers cupping your shoulder. Intimate gestures aren’t a thing he particularly display in public, but the very fact he’s here, with you, is enough to make him feel at ease. He raises his chin up, intrigued with the sound of flapping wings above his head, as you definitely notice the frown on his features.

“Seagulls are probably looking for some food at that time of the day, and they are brave enough to fight the cold.” You state with a cheerful voice, placing yourself at his side, before you wrap your arm around his. You won’t necessarily guide him, he doesn’t need it, yet you also know that he appreciates when you take the time the describe the way you see the world when you’re both walking side by side. “It’s busy today. I think we’ll have plenty to do.”

He nods, his quiet attitude always pleasant and contrasting in the middle of such a busy crowd, people thrilled and talkative, eager to discover all the new shops on the streets and the various activities offered by the harbor. Issho begins to walk, as you cautiously lead him to whatever destination who would both pick.

“I smell… Sweets.” Issho comments after a moment, stopping in front of a wooden stall. “Can you tell me what they are selling here? I know this isn’t reasonable, but perhaps there’s something we both would like to buy”.

“Aye!” You happily smile, and pulls on his arm to bring him closer, kind people immediately stepping aside, quite surprised to see a navy admiral around, making him some room as a sign of respect. “Well… Apparently, they have ginger cookies here, fresh made waffles or crepes with brown sugar and different toppings such as melted chocolate, fruits, or marshmallows! You can also pick candies; they have candy canes, candy apples…”

Issho listens carefully, more amazed with the sound of your voice, almost chirping, than the quantity of sweets displayed on the market place. He doesn’t necessarily wish to eat something, but he loves the way you sell those products with the most excited voice, as a child would describe a firework.

“Would you like a free sample, admiral?” The shop owner offers, and immediately begins to gather a few items from their stall, stuffing a paper bag with various candies to eat on their walk, quite content to see such an important man stopping in front of his shop.  

Issho eventually accepts, bowing slightly to thank the man, as they both decide to keep going, the line behind them full of children, all so eager to use their berries to buy a few candies while their parents wouldn’t be too careful regarding the amount of sugar they are ingesting. You eventually leads him back in the middle of the alley, as you notice how intrigued he seems to be. You find it somehow adorable, Issho always amazed by the world surrounding him, and finding beauty in the little details someone wouldn’t even see.

“The street…” You begin to talk, because you wish to tell him everything, and share your eyes, even if it only comes with your words. “The whole harbor is decorated with shiny tinsels; they are all rolled around the light posts, falling like stalactites. It looks like ice stars falling in long drops, reflecting on the buildings behind them, giving the area such a heavenly look that it seems to be a dream.” You pause for a second, before you eventually look elsewhere. “All the ships anchored here have candles on the rail surrounding their decks, with mistletoe and holly attached to their windows, and most of the captains have opened their gates, offering tours to children if they ever wish to see how it looks inside a navy ship.”

Issho nods, silent, as usual, but listening careful to your words.

“There are so many stalls in front of the ships and the usual shops that I can’t even count them. All of them are so beautifully decorated, with angels and other items such as snowballs, starts and little imps, homemade crowns with pine branches, pinecones, and ribbons. Some of them are golden, silver, or red…” You can’t help but think that it’s quite a marvelous show, and it’s a shame Issho can’t properly enjoy all the lights of this beautiful place. “I can’t even tell you all the things they are selling as well. Homemade wooden angels, surprise gifts boxes, crafted wooden toys and figurines, fortune cards, candies, foods, spicy hot wine, bottle of various alcohol and wines, gingerbreads, biscuits, cakes in so many shapes, candles, and bouquet of winter flowers…”

He smiles to the more than detailed description, and eventually turns around, his closed eyes almost looking at your features, as you can’t help but feel slightly embarrassed. You really sounded like a child for a few seconds, didn’t you.

“And you, Name,” he says with his usual quiet and appeasing voice. “What kind of gift would you like to have? It seems they have all worked hard to please their customers. I wish to find something which will always make you forever smile the way you’re smiling right now.”

“Honestly?” You immediately answer, the two of you standing in the middle of the street, Christmas Lights surrounding you like the softest wings. “I only need one thing, Issho.” You pause, your hand gently caressing the top of his forearm. “I only need to spend more Christmas like this, with you.”

You thought he would find it silly, perhaps even immature for someone so old and serious. Even though, Issho just kindly cups your cheek, his large thumb describing a small circle on your skin, as he offers you a discreet grin. You feel your heart pounding harder to this beautiful vision, his soft and intimate gesture so unexpected and yet so heartwarming.

“And I wish you keep describing the harbor during Christmas time.” He confirms, his own way to pronounce those words a timid person would have a hard time to express.

Smiling like two idiots, you eventually pull on his sleeve to drag him further in the middle of the Christmas Market, feeling on cloud nine, as you know that you found within Issho the anchor you needed. The two of you would forever remember that day, your completely intimate little bubble filled with many emotions, lucky, for sure, that you have been able to find each other in the middle of this raging storm and those desperate wars.  

[hashtagsmitty]

Smitty's Thailand Adventure - Day 4

This time on DragonBall Z - Josh picks up random street pussy, hours of wrecking little kids, another long ass wait, and a 10k hike.

I fell asleep last night as soon as I hit the pillow so I wrote yesterday's thing this morning. I was angry while I wrote it and even angrier when I went to get breakfast. I'm on the other side of the world in a city that smells terrible, I'm lonely, I spent yesterday watching Josh and his GF make kissy faces at each other...

People travel to experience new things and broaden their horizons. I assume. I'm travelling to spend time with my best friend - there's not much about Thailand that really appeals to me. I'm not an adventurous eater and I've never liked sauces on my food, so a lot of cuisine is out. I don't care about buying cheap stuff at markets, so that's out. The biggest thing I've realised of the culture is that it's (generously described as) laissez-faire - they don't care very much. Minimum effort required.

I realise all this sounds negative - I'm in a much better mood after the day I had today, but I wanted to capture how I was feeling this morning. Having such a good day put all this in perspective, and one moment of negativity isn't going to ruin this trip - I won't let it.

I went to get breakfast and ate it in the room while I listened to a podcast and played a game on my phone. Josh texted me at 9 to say we were meeting up at 1:30 for laser tag. I had time to kill. I decided that I was going to see the Statue of the Reclining Buddha at Wat Pho. The pictures I found online don't do it justice - I really just wanted to see a longboi Buddha because I thought it would be cool.

So. Wat Pho is 13kms from my hotel. The skytrain got me halfway there. The options for the rest of the trip were:

Bus. The buses in Bangkok look terrifying - thick black clouds of smoke, no glass in the windows. Plus, the traffic is crazy and I'm genuinely convinced I'll see someone die before I leave. I don't want it to be me, so the bus was out.

Taxi or TukTuk. We used tuktuks heaps last time we were here, because they were so damn cheap. For many of the same reasons as above, mostly that I don't want to die in Thailand, tuktuks were out. The taxis we took yesterday were insane - they are good drivers, in the sense that they don't crash, but they're unsafe and terrifying drivers, in the sense that they don't stick in their lanes, don't indicate, and have very little concern for road rules. Plus, April and I had a scary incident with a taxi last time we were in Asia, so I wanted no part of being alone in a taxi. So this option is out.

Walk.

I walked from Siam Station (think Crown Casino crossed with Flinders Street Station) all the way to the longboi Buddha. Each way took an hour.

I used this as an opportunity to practice my photography. I'm working on a series called "Decay BK", a set of vignettes capturing small elements of how busted up parts of this city are. Here are some samples:

Like something out of Fallout, especially that first one of the railway lines. I saw heaps of other things that I didn't take a picture of, but mostly I just saw people living. Normal people in a weird and different situation to mine, making do or even thriving. We said that Cambodia had a harsh juxtaposition between the rich and poor - we saw small mansions literally next to garbage dumps - but in Thailand it's worse. The poverty isn't quite as bad, at least from what I've seen, but the wealth and opulence and excess is so much higher here.

Long story short I walked for an hour in the sun. An army dude stopped me and warned me about pickpockets. I thanked him and kept walking. Eventually I made it to the temple.

The statue is huge. Seriously. Go look at pictures:

The pictures don't do it justice - the thing is like two stories tall. It looks like solid gold, but I think it might be hollow and gold plated. Still, it's gorgeous. I had to take my shoes off and put them in a bag to enter the temple. I got to walk around it and dodge the huge throng of people in the temple. The army guy said today was the last day of the holiday so it was going to be packed. When I told Josh that he said that there's no holiday and the army guy was probably trying to pickpocket me himself.

I put my shoes back on, grabbed my complimentary water, and started the long walk back. I was hot. I was sweating like a pig. My feet hurt. I kept tripping on exposed parts of the concrete, only making my vindictive, fake "posr-collapse" photography all the sweeter. But I felt good - I navigated this city like a boss, seeing a beautiful side of the city I likely wouldn't have otherwise, and getting a much clearer picture of the people and the culture and what the non-tourist parts of Bangkok look like.

That's actually something that Josh does really well - both here and in Cambodia, we didn't stay in areas full of tourists. I think we got a much better picture of the countries we were in.

Though, apparently Cambodia was and is still owned by the Khmer Rouge, and we had no idea, so make of that what you will.

I got to the White Ethnostate and Aryan Purity Family Mart a little before when I said I'd meet Josh there. The laser tag place was just around the corner from there. I got some water and waited.

And waited.

He texted me at 2, when we agreed to meet (I had to push it back by 30 minutes because some moron decided to walk across the city for 2 hours) to say that he was running late and that he'd explain when he got there.

He got there at 2:30. We grabbed some food - the same thing I've been having for breakfast, chicken and rice - and caught up. He needed to spend time with Espy, he said. I nodded. I know how that is. We headed off to laser tag. On the way we discussed his girlfriend being a bit overly affectionate yesterday, and he told me that it made him a bit uncomfortable. "There's a time and place for that sort of thing", he said. I was glad to hear that - his other girlfriends have done the same thing when I've been around, and I find it frustrating, so to hear him acknowledge it meant a lot.

The laser tag place was full when we got there at 3, so we paid for a day pass and agreed to come back at 4. We went to that park near the station with the bird poo all over the steps, and walked around a while. We found some stray cats and Josh played with them for a while.

We sat on a bench and shot the shit for a while. Josh had a fresh coconut while we watched a stray cat stare down a squirrel in a tree. Josh told me that his friends from the other night had said that they thought I was really cool and easy to talk to - "a natural", one of them said. I was pleased to hear that, because being social never came easily to me and it's something I've been trying to work on. We talked about who hooked up with who and who was being clingy or wasting their time. It was nice.

We went back to laser tag. There was a large group of Singaporean medical students. We played a couple rounds with them - scored in the top 5 each time, out of around 30 people. We took a group photo for the Singaporeans, then they left and a bunch of kids came in. Not one to reject a challenge, Josh suggested that we play 2v5 against them. They respectfully declined and we played free-for-all instead. No prize for guessing who came first and second.

We got hungry, so we went to the Emporium, the shopping center attached to the skytrain station near my house.

Dinner was the same chicken franchise we got from the airport, but a much nicer version. The female, Thai Ben from the other night texted Josh. Apparently he made sure she got home safe that night we were hanging out in District W. She said she bumped into someone called Andrew who swore up and down that he knew me. I can't think of any Andrews I know. Josh assumed that it was a pretense to text him, and he told Ben this. No idea how that ended up.

We finished the meal and went back to laser tag. A couple of new groups rotated in and we played 3 more games, for a total of 8. I won the last 2 games, and ended up with a final K:D ratio of 5:2. I achieved this miraculous score by abusing the power-up mechanics heavily, and enlisting the small children on my team as my strike squad. They might not have understood English, but once I showed them how to get the powerups, we were wrecking everyone, and my two minions came 3rd and 5th. Josh was 2nd and some old Indian dude who stood at the entrance and sniped people came 4th. It was fun!

Josh and I walked back to the Alt-White Political Disempowerment Family Mart. We agreed to meet up again tomorrow, after his girlfriend was done with classes. I walked down my street, straight past two "massage girls" who didn't so much as whistle at me. I'm beginning to think that I'm invisible. Or I smelled from all the walking and running around, hard to say.

I went straight to the shower once I got in. I saw the sun today, and even a patch of blue sky! Today ended much better than it started, and I'm feeling excited and positive about tomorrow.