#and hopefully in the speaking portion too

[myriadfrogs]

c2 english exam tomorrow. i think i’m gonna explode

[vigilskeep]

a quick guide to dog lords, telling your arls from your teyrns, and generally how ferelden works

okay, this isn't quite what anon asked for, by which i mean not at all, but unfortunately they activated my interest in some of my favourite lore. it should hopefully contain a lot of the relevant stuff and i’ll try to branch out to less fereldan specific information in other posts!

okay, let’s start with the hierarchy. there’s four kinds of noble in ferelden

royalty: you know who these guys are. except for during the orlesian occupation, ever since ferelden became one kingdom, it’s been ruled by the theirin family. which i think is for 388 years, i really hope that’s right, i got out a calculator

teyrns: these are super powerful lords, basically banns so powerful that other banns swear fealty to them. they’re second only to the king, who is essentially just the most powerful one of them. there used to be a lot of them, but with one dynasty in power for so long, that kind of opposition has been eroded away. there are only two remaining: the couslands of highever in the north, and the mac tirs of gwaren in the south

arls: these are extra special banns. they answer to a teyrn or king and hold a strategic fortress for them. we know of six—amaranthine, south reach, denerim, redcliffe, west hills, and edgehall—but i’m unsure if that’s because they are only six or because there are unnamed others

banns: these are your common or garden noble, the lowest ranking and most common. this is your local lord type. they seem to vary the most in power, though, with some banns having big speaking roles in the landsmeet

but i kind of should have written that list in the opposite direction. what do i mean by that? well, in your standard medieval hierarchy, and in a lot of the rest of thedas, power comes down from the king, who lets you hold the land. but in ferelden, most of the land is owned by freeholders: commoners, well-off enough to own their land but still not by any means nobles.

how does that work? well, let’s say i’m a freeholder.

i own my land, but thedas is a rough place. if i want to keep my land, i’d better swear fealty to a bann. i’ll pay him a portion of the goods produced on my land, and in return, he’ll protect my land from anyone wanting to beat me up and take all my goods... and also, you know, not beat me up himself, as he probably would if i didn’t have any bann looking after me. it kind of sounds like he has all the power, right? like a medieval protection racket? it’s certainly how he gets his power and wealth

so i, freeholder harker, have signed up with bann jeff. it makes sense, because he’s the closest to my freehold, and i want soldiers to actually get here in time if i’m in trouble. that’s why my family has been swearing fealty to his family for generations. it’s just how things are done

but the thing is: i hate bann jeff. maybe he takes too much of my harvests, maybe he sides with a different freeholder when we go to him with a dispute, maybe his men don’t mind their pleases and thank yous when they come for my goods. i’m well within my rights to say fuck bann jeff and leave him. especially if there’s another bann nearby who would be perfectly happy to take my goods instead and treat me right. and the less freeholders bann jeff has, the less resources and men he has to make a fuss about it with. if bann jeff pisses off enough people, he might not have any freeholders left at all. and where will his wealth and power come from then? maybe soon he won’t be a bann at all

of course, bann jeff’s family might feud with the family of the bann that stole me away for a few hundred years. but that’s hardly my problem, is it? “courting” someone else’s vassals is apparently the biggest cause of conflict within the bannorn

anyway, this isn’t just how banns work; it’s how all power theoretically works in ferelden. there are no serfs/“unfree” men. every peasant has a right to go where he will and choose which freeholder he works for, just as every freeholder has the right to choose their bann, and banns who swear to teyrns can break away. (the latter is probably less common because a teyrn could fuck you up. i’m guessing you’d have to get the king’s backing about it to survive that.) and even the king answers to his lessers in the landsmeet, the super ancient gathering of nobles where law is made, which can override the king on any matter of law. (but they’re not going to do it if the king is really popular or powerful, because. you know. there’s a limit to all things called common sense and they would prefer not to get squashed about it.) but generally, everyone who holds power in ferelden has to curry favours with their so-called lessers in order to keep their goodwill.

everywhere else in thedas thinks this is weird as hell, by the way. having to court the approval of those beneath you? even the king having to do that? wtf? but the level of freedom means everything to fereldans. it’s their highest ideal and they’re really proud of it.

(the people who really don’t have a voice are what the ttrpg calls “low freemen”, which according to its handbook, consists of criminals, prostitutes, and elves. they still have the right to freedom of movement and to be paid for their work, but they’re not going to have freeholders and banns seeking their favour and speaking for them, and they typically have to resort to bribery for entrance to cities, their homes are bought and sold by others on a whim, things like that. ultimately it makes their position incredibly vulnerable to abuse, as we see in the games. i’m sure we’ve all played the tabris origin. there’s a reason the potential boon to get a bann for the alienage is so wild.)

so, let’s say you made it, everyone loves and/or tolerates you, and you’re a noble. what good does that do you and what can you do? firstly, you have a voice in the landsmeet, which is super important and means the king wants your goodwill and advice. more generally, you have three basic functions of a noble: raising taxes/tribute, commanding soldiers, and dispensing justice. nobles are expected to live off the wealth provided by their land and it would be hugely looked down on if they did work instead, with exceptions for, like, military careers and the chantry, which are respectable for their status. they raise militia from the commoners when necessary, and they also have trained soldiers or possibly knights (see postscript) in their service. that means you can protect your land and you can win glory and spoils when the kingdom goes to war, it also means you’ll be expected to provide those men when your liegelord calls for them. and lastly the law is their responsibility. remember how in the awakening dlc you had to make judgements as the arl of amaranthine? like that! the smaller scale you are, the smaller scale it’s going to be. in turn, if you want a dispute sorted by a higher power, you have to go up to your liegelord, maybe a teyrn or the king, or if you can’t get one of them, a more powerful bann or arl in the area. possibly the chantry would be an alternate option? if it’s just about finding someone you will both listen to, which is usually the main issue

some privileges other than the standard “power over those beneath you” that you can typically expect to belong to the noble class, even if it’s not specific to dragon age: the right to carry a sword, the right to have a coat of arms, the right to precedence on formal occasions and a special seat up front in your local chantry... sometimes niche ones, like fabrics and clothing that are only permissible to wear for people of a certain rank, so it distinguishes them. you can expect favours from/common class interests with your king, you would expect to be given a trial or treated chivalrously if things did not go your way, depending on era you might be captured for ransom in battle rather than killed outright, you probably have exemptions from certain royal taxation... etc. etc.

that’s what i have! i hope these are some helpful fundamentals and that anyone who has more knowledge than me on any aspect feels welcome to contribute it

P.S. as an aside, i’m a little confused about the fereldan use of knights. they definitely exist as lesser nobility, but i don’t understand how they fit into the hierarchy. a real knight was typically a vassal who held land from his liegelord and fought for him in exchange. i... don’t know how that works in the context of land ownership mostly going upwards. they’re definitely around, anyone addressed as ser is a knight, you have the knights of redcliffe and people like ser jory and ser cauthrien. (someone in an order like the templars has the rank of knight and gets ser and everything, but is not a noble.) as a rule of thumb i think generally they’re probably just members of noble families with that dedicated military training and no greater title to lay claim to? i’m basing that on stuff like nathaniel howe being sent as a squire to his mother’s cousin, a chevalier; if he’d completed that he probably would have been a knight unless/until he inherited his father’s place? i don’t know. i’m making this up. and on the other hand, there’s very little distinction in fereldan between your regular noble and a some kind of warrior class, which is why i struggle to see the purpose. (there are also inexplicable career soldiers who are not knights. what the hell is funding that upkeep and armour, buddy. you and whose land ownership? this is why you were fighting the darkspawn with your whole arms out, aveline. stop trying to imply ferelden has a standing army you can go off and join. yes i see you carver lore. i will not buy it.) ANYWAY, because knights are more prevalent in certain areas, i do wonder if it’s an import from the long orlesian occuption, based on the knightly order of chevaliers? i don’t fucking know. worth chewing on

[carmenized-onions]

Doing Too Much. | House Call

logline; Appliances can reach their breaking point, when you push them too far. Same goes for people.

[!!!] series history, this is the sixth; First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth

[New Thing!!] Spotify Playlist, if you like to listen while you read. I listen to it when I write :) Constantly gettin' added to.

portion; 4.8k

possible allergies; eatin' meat, besides that, we're pretty good actually. did somebody say calm before the storm....?

pairing; Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto & Fem Reader (no pronouns, but girl is said a couple times, i believe.)

After this chapter, I'm entering my era of couch hopping as I move to a new city n start a new job. I'm really excited for the chapter after this one, so hopefully I actually get time to write it-- But that's just my lil warning if you're left rereading for like two weeks </3 But I'll def be stalking my activity/inbox so please do yap to me

Monday morning. The next morning after everything. Well, closer to noon than morning, at this point. You’re supposed to have, what, a work ethic this week? After the most insane weekend of your life? No. You’re lazing around and doing fuck all. No matter who calls. Well… Not completely no matter, but like, most people.

When you check your phone, you’ve gotten a text at 6:43 A.M. Unknown number. Ah. Carmen. You put him in as Carmy, and put his nickname as ‘Mister New York’. Listen, old nicknames Mikey ingrained in your brain die hard.

It’s a simple text, deeply un-romantic.

‘Connections Puzzle #342’

Then, four lines of four perfect categories. Flawless. Purple first, even. The hardest category. And then,

‘Morning’

Stupid. Incredibly stupid, to be enamoured, by this. You reply,

‘Good morning!’

‘Connections Puzzle #342’

And then a failed jumble of coloured squares, you get one out of four categories. What the fuck is 'dogleg' and since when has it meant taking a sharp turn? You follow that up with,

‘Fuck you.’

Aside from Carmen, you’ve actually gotten texts from a couple people. Your boss at Eden’s asking if you’re alright. What the fuck did Cicero say? Oh well. You tell him you’ve ‘been better, been worse. Will be okay by next week.’ Perfectly vague, and you still get wired your cheque and tip out. Alright, maybe Uncle J does deserve your free labour.

Speaking of, the next text on your itinerary is from Uncle J, just info for the winter nuptials of Vinnie and Mira. Oh yeah. Three-hundred guests, you remember that part. You also remember him saying it’d be an ‘easy gig’… He did not mention you’d be the only bartender. This is going to be a nightmare. Oh well. You text back that despite it being an open bar you get to put out a tip jar. He just reacts to it, ‘haha’. That sounds like a yes to you.

And then, adorably, a selfie from Syd, wearing the collar and pins you’ve gifted her, under a green sweater. Cutie. You hype her up accordingly.

Besides some texting though, Monday is relatively unbusy. No calls. No emergencies. No businesses knocking down your door for your services. You’re thankful for a break, letting the inertia set in, finally being able to relax after fix after fix after—

Tuesday comes, you get sent another perfect round of New York Time’s Connections around half past six in the morning, along with a good morning text. And again, you fuck it up. You send him your Wordle results this time, as an act of rebellion. You then ask,

‘How’s reworking the menu going?’

‘Hard to say’

‘Ask me tomorrow’

God he’s an awful texter. Horrifically dry. You know you’re down bad beyond a belief when you find that endearing. You spend Tuesday drowning and pruning your plants after depriving them for so long.

Plus working on your art piece for Carmy. You’re pulling out old film photos, a canvas, and a load of bleach—It’s like high school art class all over again— Surprise surprise, the handyman who loves to up-cycle is a mixed media artist. Who could’ve guessed?

While trimming a photo, an exterior of The Beef, a picture frame on your wall falls down behind you, you tut, turning your head to it, chastising the air. “Mikey! It’s a copy, relax! I’ve still got the original print…”

There’s every chance you’re insane— No, you’re definitely insane. But you’re allowed to be, your best friend died, you’re allowed to talk to the air as if he’s still around. Sometimes the timing of doors swinging open for you and things falling down are just too uncanny to not be a ghost.

Wednesday arrives, and again, just after 6:40, Connections results. And the Wordle, this time; plus a ‘Good Morning’. It looks like this is simply just your thing, now. Every morning, the second both of you get up, you send each other puzzles and wish a good morning. You don’t mind that. It’s nice to have a ‘thing’, with someone. With Carmen.

Part way through the day, around two o’clock, you get another text. Two, actually. From Carmen, in quick succession.

‘Are you busy?’

‘Don’t worry if you’re busy. Can call Fak’

You’re quick to reply, frankly deeply offended.

‘Are you fucking firing me????’

‘I’m gonna get ready. Text me details’

While getting dressed, you watch three dots bubble, bubble, bubble… He’s taking forever, just don’t look at it, you’ll get anxious for no reason. No jumpsuit today, you’ve got to switch it up every now and again. Navy cargo pants with the perfect number of pockets and zippers, and an orange Chicago’s Kindest shirt, tucked in. Hm. Looking in the mirror, hickey is still there. Lighter, but there. Foundation? No. You’ll sweat it off and that’ll just bring up more questions. If Syd asks you’ll just tell her you fell down the stairs… On your neck. She's not the type to confront anything remotely sexual anyways.

Speaking of Syd, before Carmen can text you back, she calls you, which is fair— Don’t leave a Carmen to communicate. You stick your phone in the crux of your neck and answer while you pack your utility belt. This feels nearly nostalgic. “What’s fucked?”

Carmen is in the background; you can hear the tail end of a sentence, grumbling. “—Don’t call—”

“My life.” She responds without missing a beat. “And also, Carmy’s stove and oven.”

“Oh.” You squint. “What the fuck happened?”

“Overuse? I actually don’t fucking know, it just stopped working. We plugged it in and out— He even reset his apartment’s breakers. I dunno what’s wrong with it. It’s probably got something to do with him putting his fuckin’ jeans in there.”

“…He what?”

You can hear him in the background, again, clearer this time, grimacing, “What are you doing to me?”

Syd does not mind him at all, continuing, “I know! He’s fucking weird!”

“He’s extremely weird.” You like him a lot. “I’ll be over soon, were you guys like, mid-cooking?”

“Yessir.”

“Christ, alright… I think I have a dual burner hot plate laying around somewhere, you want me to bring it—”

They both speak clearly this time, together, “Please.”

You’ve got a pile of things to give to them anyways, and maybe you miss Carmy’s face. Just a little.

Instead of just buzzing you in, Carmy comes down for you. When he sees you through the door window, carrying a cardboard box, he almost breaks into a full run. He’s somehow opening the door, grabbing the box from your hands, and chastising you all at the same time. “You should’ve left it in the car, I would’ve—”

You step in through the entryway and kiss his cheek, cutting him short. You can’t help yourself, it’s the first time you’ve seen him since and you feel like a giddy teen. The teenage girl in your head is no longer just in your head, she’s fully manning the station. “You’re very sweet. But it’s also not heavy.”

When he continues to be frozen, the regret starts to mount, “Is—Sorry, is that okay to do—?”

“It’s very okay to do.” He manages to reply, with haste. Nodding to himself. “It’s good.” He nods again, then marches off, expecting you to follow to the elevator. You do.

“What floor?”

“Eighth.” He sniffs; you press the button. He stands next to you, looking you up and down. He astutely observes. “Orange.”

“Yeah.” You smirk, looking back at him, “Turns out, businesses can have two colours in their designs.”

What’s a little roasting of fellow small businesses between two not just friends?

“Oh yeah?” Coy, smirking. Oh no. You’ve gotta get the teen off the controls. He tilts his vision to stare at your jacket. Ah. You opted to wear your Carhartt instead of his jean jacket.

“Didn’t wanna give Syd more questions.” She already guessed you’re a sugar baby, you don’t want to wrap Carmen in on that too. Especially since ideally in a month or two he’ll be your boss. Hm. The Bear is going to need an HR.

He hums, nodding. “We’re not telling Syd?”

“What’s there to tell?” You grin, crossing your arms. “You suddenly have free time, Bear?”

He takes a beat, thinking, then just takes a deep frustrated yet amused exhale. “I’m gonna fuckin’…” He can’t think of a threat. “…Get you.”

You snort, “You’re gonna get me?”

“Fuck you—!” “You’re gonna fuckin’ get me, Bear?”

“I—” He tries to hold a straight face, it doesn’t work. “Yeah, I am.”

“Can’t wait.” You nod, grinning, turning back to the doors. “You told me to ask how menu’s going tomorrow.”

“I did.”

“It’s tomorrow.” The door dings, opening on the eighth floor; you step out together. He switches his grip to hold the box in one arm. Alright Biceps, we don’t need to brag here...

“It’s… We’re getting there.” He grimaces. “Syd’s recipes are always… Almost perfect.”

“Ah.” You nod, you know your friend well enough to know where this is going. “And she fucks up one thing hard?”

“Mhm.”

“And when you tell her it’s okay and give her a hand she just feels worse?”

He nods. A touch surprised you’re right on the dot so quickly. “Everything ends up perfect, but I think she’s finding the edits…”

“Demoralizing.” You walk down the hall together, he nods. “I know what she needs, I’ll find an in.”

“You always do.” He hums, you walk just a touch ahead of him, unknowingly walking past his door. He pulls you back by the back of your jacket, making you stumble back into him. This seems to be this villain’s intention; as when you turn around, he’s quick to grab your chin and kiss you.

“It’s very good.” He emphasizes, again, before opening his door and acting like everything’s totally normal and fine. Since when did he turn the tables and make you the desperate one? Son of a bitch.

Ah. Actually, subtract any attraction you had in this moment— He lives like this? Books on the floor, by the window. Jeans on the dinner table, because they were in the oven. The kitchen actually looks alright— You’re almost certain that’s purely for utilitarian purposes while they’re working on the menu. This motherfucker better have a bed frame or him asking you to sleep over would be downright offensive. God, he’s wonderful. God, you’re an idiot.

You find Syd at the table, moping, head in hands. Carmen sets the box down, sitting beside her. You pat the top of her head. She silently moves one of her hands to go over yours. You nod. The silent exchange of girls who know.

“Yeah?”

She nods, grumbling. “Yeah.”

Carmen has no fucking idea what’s happening and he’s never been more intrigued by a near wordless social interaction in his entire life. What? You’re not even making eye-contact. What the fuck is happening?

You fish through the box with your free hand, grabbing a pot. You place it in front of Syd. “Look.”

She peeks through her fingers. A tiny but flourishing nursery pot of basil sits before her. You speak. “You’re gonna hyper-fixate on this basil I’m gifting you, and then you’re gonna crack back into it with the dual burner until I’m done fixing the oven.”

She nods, putting her hands in her lap, “Yes, Chef.”

You pull out a second nursery pot, setting it down for Carmen. “For you.”

“What for?”

“Basil grows like a motherfucker and it’s getting unhinged. I need to start pawning off to people that’ll make good use of it. A-K-A, chefs.” You look at Syd, pointedly, “Talented chefs.”

You hand off the heating pad— Wrapped in brown paper with a card tied to it, to Carmen. “For Nat.” You add, when he looks confused, “Can’t imagine I’ll see her sooner than you will.”

He looks even more confused, when you hand him a spray bottle full of reddish water. It’s one of the good spray bottles, too. Continuous. Carmen wouldn’t know the difference, but you do. “Rosemary. —Water, that is.”

He squints; you clarify, gesturing to your own hair. “You mentioned, losing hair, so— Thought I’d make some, with the trimmings of rosemary I had. Got ginger and cloves in it, too.”

Why have you trapped him in hell? You’ve remembered such a specific off hand from days ago and acted on it? And he can’t express the grandiose level of affection he feels right now? Are you serious? You’re the devil. You’re absolutely the devil. He just coughs out a ‘thanks’.  

“And, the pièce de résistance,” You pull out the old ass, boxed up double burner countertop stove. “A stovetop that ideally fuckin’ works. It was my single claim to fame in my college dormitory.”

Carmen’s already opening the box. Sydney smirks, curiosity peaked. “Was that legal?”

“You a fuckin’ RA?” You grin, poking her forehead. “It was not. And that’s exactly why everyone loved me— Didn’t serve them fuckin’ hot pockets.”

The configurations of Carmen’s apartment would be great for literally any occasion besides the current one. The kitchen is narrow, and so, when you pull out the stove to check the back, there’s an estimated no fucking room left for Carm and Syd, so they sit at the dinner table with your stove top. You’d think they’d look like they’re doing a cute hot pot. No. They look like two conflicted and confused twelve-year-olds working on a science project.

So do you, honestly. Wiring is definitely more your speed than plumbing, but if you’re being honest, this is the first oven you’ve worked on without your dad, and you’re having a hard time remembering everything. There’s a lot of embarrassed Googling on your phone, when you're sure they’re not looking. They can’t know you’re even slightly incompetent!

You’re pretty sure it’s just a couple damaged wires, fried from overwork— Easy fix, if you had wire. You don’t. Slightly harder fix. But soldering is your bitch really, you’re in your bag. You look stupid, wearing chunky goggles and a respirator, but you’re in your bag, baby! What’s that one saying? Skills make you hot? That’s not a saying.

But it is true. When Carmen’s able to peer into the kitchen, quickly looking over his shoulder when Syd takes a moment to write a measurement or direction down, you look stunning.  Respirator and all. You just look correct there, in the kitchen. His kitchen. So stunning he feels guilty. Do you find it annoying? Constantly fixing errors behind him? Probably. You say it’s not a lot of work, but that can’t be true.

“How’s The Bear, ‘sides menu rework?” You ask, raising your voice in the kitchen.

“S’good.” Carmen. “I’m in hell.” Syd. Not hard to tell which statue is lying, here.

Syd stutters on, “Nat’s takin’ care of baby Michaela— Which is very good and—and cool, actually.”

“But?”

“But we’re back to handling the business side entirely ourselves, for like— The next month. Maybe two? Fuck, are we doing the wedding without her?” Sydney almost burns her sauce, Carmen’s quick to move it off the burner.

He mutters, “Don’t even start to think about it. It’s gonna be fine. We’re gonna figure it out.”

“Oh yeah, wedding— Have you gotten your menu yet?” You call from the kitchen, muffled by your respirator.

“Oh my god!” Sydney exclaims, and Carmen is wincing. She can’t tell you things are going wrong; doesn’t she know that? You’ll fix it, if things are wrong. You always fix it. Fix him. You’re gonna put him in your phone as Carmy Bad News. If you haven’t already. Start a support group with Tif.

Syd continues, “They’re so fucking particular and somehow also vague—Like, ‘we want salmon and chicken’ for main course— What kind of preparation? ‘Surprise us!’ Okay, how about roasted chicken—? ‘Mmmm, no, not that’. I’ve been told ‘non quello’ at least ten times in the last four days.”

No, you’re witty. Bad News Bear. Fuck, that’s definitely his name in your phone, isn’t it?

“Fuckin’ nightmare. Y’know, I’m the only fucking bartender? For like three hundred guests? Thank God they’re not asking for a custom cocktail or anything, I’d lose my shit.”

Sydney laughs, and she steps back into her flow easily, reducing the sauce without burning it, now. She looks more serene than she has in days. What? How are you doing that? What are you doing? Are you casting a spell?

“Can you even fucking imagine what their couples’ cocktail would be?”

You groan from the kitchen, laughing in return, “Not you too, Syd! Must you make me work!?”

“C’mon maestro, make a cocktail!”

“Bleh. Uh… They give long island iced tea energy, but it’s a wedding so— Like a boozier negroni?”

“That sounds fucking disgusting.”

“I didn’t say it’d be good, I said it’d be their couples’ cocktail.” You’re both giggling, like school girls. It’s like you said— You become teens, together.

Despite the fact that Syd is making an incredibly complex dish, and you’re fixing an oven—His oven— Ridiculing the other impossible tasks set out for the both of you… Despite all of that, you’re laughing.

Carmen is, what, nearly thirty? A restaurant owner, with a full crew, who attends Al-Anon, and is only now truly registering the power of an unsolvable burden being shared. Not fixed, shared. Talking. Laughing. God, this all comes so easy to you, doesn’t it?

You finish soldering, test each burner, and the oven— All working, thank God. You quietly cheer in the kitchen, removing your respirator and goggles. “We’re good here! Fixed!”

“C’mere!” Syd calls out to you, and so you do. Eagerly. She hands you a fork. Unprompted, she does the thing. You’d missed the OG, really.

“Beef Oxtail, pressed in a Foie Gras casing, seared. Basted in a King Oyster mushroom sauce. Pureed greens on the side.”

“I never know what the fuck you’re saying.”

She pushes the side of your face with the palm of her hand. “Put it in your mouth and chew.”

You want to make some sort of kink joke, but you respect the already struggling man in the room and take a bite. Hm. Hm. You put a finger over your mouth, swallowing. “...Now it might just be my unrefined palate.”

“That’s why we have you try it.” Carmen pipes in. Syd nods, following. “It’s important to know the baseline.”

“…It’s got like,” You hand the fork to Syd so she can try it, while you think. “A bit of a bitter aftertaste? Which might be the… goal?”

Syd spits it out the second it touches her mouth, she shouts your name, your actual name— A rarity. She’s so terrified that she forgets the Walk-In bit she’s been in on all week. “I just fuckin’ poisoned you— Oh my god?! Are you good? That was— Fuck! You swallowed that?!”

She grabs your face like a concerned mother, also maybe to check if you have superpowers, you’re not sure. All you know is there’s a golden opportunity to make another sex joke and you have to hold back. Life is so unfair.

Carmen takes a quick taste, also spitting it out. “I’ve got it, Chef, don’t sweat.” Immediately looking to the drafted recipe card to see where they went wrong.

Syd almost squeezes your cheeks like a stress ball but thinks better of it, letting go, groaning, beyond frustrated at this point. “You shouldn’t have to fix it— I should fuckin’ have it, at this point.”

Carmen's trying to ignore how much he relates to the sentiment. He's not the focus, right now.

“We make mistakes, Chef—” “Syd.” You snap your fingers, pointing to her, interrupting Carmen. “Can you help me grab something, from my car? It’s kinda big.”

Carmen’s quick to chime in, already going to untie his apron, “I can—”

“No!” You look at him pointedly, trying to communicate through look alone. He kind of gets it? “It’s… Girl stuff.”

Syd squints. “You need me to help you carry a big girl thing?”

“…Are you fuckin’ helping or are you gonna poke holes?”

“What are you actually dragging me out for?”

“Technically I do actually need your help grabbing something, it’s just not a girl thing. And it's also not from my car.”

“Oh?”

You walk out of Carmen’s building with his keys, and gesture out to every apartment buildings treasure trove— The spot everyone throws their furniture when they move out and don’t know what else to do with it.

“Bookshelf!” There is actually one pristine looking bookshelf, a cheap one, definitely just something from IKEA. But it’s better than the fucking floor. “I spotted it on my way in, we’re gonna bring it up for Carm.”

She groans, hating the concept of manual labour, but still walks with you and grabs one end anyways. “Why didn’t you make Carmen carry his own bookshelf?”

“Because you need a fuckin’ pep-talk.” You pick the other end of the bookshelf up. It’s thankfully not that heavy. You walk backwards so you can keep facing Syd.

“…I don’t—” “Yes the fuck you do.”

She kisses her teeth, you frown. “What’s up, Adamu?”

“It’s just fucking annoying— I keep, I keep fucking it up. I keep—Keep—”

“Doing too much.”

She gives you a look, ‘are you serious?’, type look. You continue. “You’re doing too much. You’re not cooking like you.”

“I can cook like Michelin—”

“I never said you couldn’t. Watch your step.” You interrupt, walking over a bump in the sidewalk. “You can do star level shit, Syd. But that’s a grade, not a type.”

She kind of reels, at that. You continue, “You cook great complex dishes, you always have, I’ve tried them. But now, you’re all caught up trying to prove some shit, to Carmen, to—to— Who gives stars? The tires guy?”

She laughs, almost dropping the bookshelf. “Yeah, I’m trying to impress the tires guy.”

“Fuck you.” You snort, stepping up the stairs. “What I’m trying to say is, you should make what you want to eat, not what you think you should eat.”

She nods, you stop on top of the stairs, both taking a second to breathe. “…Thanks.”

You nod back, hands on your knees for a second before standing back up, opening the lobby door. “I’ll always be your cheerleader, Syd.”

“More like coach.”

“Can you let me have one hot girl career, please?”

When you get back up to Carmen’s, he’s already grimacing. You and Syd are split apart by the bookshelf standing between you in the hall. “Fuck is this?”

“It was free and I’ll clean it!” You press your hands together pleading. “C’mon, you can even put your jeans in it!”

“Jeans on a bookshelf?”

You turn to Syd. “Better than the oven.”

“I think he’s doing that to dry them.”

“I think it’s ‘cause he doesn’t own a dresser.”

“It’s both.” Carmen clicks his tongue, single-handedly picking up the bookshelf and carrying inside. Alright, does he need to show off this much? Whatever. It’s definitely not making you feel any type of way at all.

You squint, watching him walk further in his apartment, and then to Syd. You speak at the same time. “He stays doing too much.”

As promised, you wipe down the bookshelf, making sure it’s free of grime and roadside pests. Syd and Carmy work together in the kitchen, with a now functioning oven. You load the shelf up with the books on the floor— Thankfully they’re piled into categories already, so you don’t have to bother him about that.

You’re tempted to clean his living room, but that would probably be rude, right? Don’t want him to take it as you saying he’s a slob. But they are taking a while… Alright, you’ll just throw out trash. You won’t fold blankets or pick up dishes or anything. Just trash! No big! He can’t be mad at you for that.

You pile together the garbage, then sneakily throw it out in the kitchen trash can as fast as you can, before he looks. He’ll think he’s just sleep cleaning, or something. “How’s it goin’ in here?’

Carmen pipes up, eyes focused on the dish as Syd plates it. “Good.” Syd holds the plate in one hand, and silently corrals you with the other to sit at the table. You do. She sets it down the plate before you, handing you a fork and knife.

You look up at her expectantly. She shakes her head. “Eat first, this time.”

She looks serious, so you nod, cutting into the dish. It’s different from the last one. Instead of oxtail, it’s pastry. Or at least, a puff pastry exterior. You’re pretty sure it’s Pillsbury, you remember Carmen buying that, the other day, on your excursion.

Inside it, you believe is the beef oxtail, there’s other things, too. Some sort of sauce, some greens— Oh well, no time to bask in the cross section because Syd looks like she’s about to explode. You take a bite. You nod, chewing.

Syd starts, “Searing the duck caused the bitter taste— So instead of- Of searing the outside, I coated it in the mushroom sauce, the greens— Not pureed, this time, for texture. Your basil, too. There’s a crumble of feta, for a subtle tang. And then wrapped it all together in puff pastry, and baked. It’s sort of like, a varied take on a beef welling—”

“You made a fucking gourmet hot pocket?” You swallow, wheezing. The second you say this, Sydney’s focused face beams, laughing, like she’s just pulled off the most perfect prank of all time.

Carmen was so intrigued and focused on Sydney’s explanation, that you watering it down to hot pocket and being right makes his entire system reboot. He cannot stop smiling, aghast. He's been helping Syd make a hot pocket for the past hour?

“I told you to make what you want and—” wheeze “—you make a fucking hot pocket?!” You double down, laughing with her, she’s trying to defend herself but she can’t stop wheezing in tandem.

“I— I can’t fuckin’ stand you!” You snort, covering your face with your arm. “I hate your ass, oh my God, Syd.”

“Did—” snort “What did you think?” She recovers, slowly but surely.

You shake your head, handing her the fork. “It’s sick, Syd, obviously, it’s fucking perfect… Chef.” You tack on at the end, almost forgetting. “I’m not gonna be able to have an actual hot pocket, ever again. You’ve ruined my life.”

She takes a bite for herself, nodding. She does a small cheer, pumping her fist. “Let’s fucking go.” She points her fork at you— Purely on muscle memory, and you both instantly remember the days of her testing out recipes and you pairing them on first taste. She’d point her fork to you like a microphone. It was a fun game between two nerds.

It’s a reflex response for you, even now. “Barolo. Savory, dry, red. A young one, though. Light body. Could also do an Amarone, if you’re not buried in money.”

She hands the fork off to Carmy to try it, then writes the pairings down, mumbling, amusement still in her voice. “How the fuck do you do that?”

“I honestly don’t know. I think I have some wires crossed.”

“Fire, Chef.” Carmen swallows his bite. “We cannot call it a hot pocket on the menu.”

“Then what’s the point!?”

Leaving Carmen’s place is objectively the most awkward experience— But also the funniest. You offer to wait for Syd and drive her home— You’ll need a second to pack anyways while they make their business plans.

When you do offer, of course, Carmen stutters short, almost asking you again to sleep over or at the very least stay late, but saves it, realizing himself.

Syd accepts the ride offer. You pack up and wait for her to be done. When she is, Carmen offers to carry your things down with you both, in which Syd accuses him of thinking you’re both weaklings— He does not have a defense case for this, he has to let you go. You can tell he wants to kiss you at the door, and you do too. Sadly, you’re equally down bad, but he can’t know that…

You say your goodbyes, Syd helps you load your tools and hotplate in the trunk of your car. Your phone vibrates. Text from Mister New York.

‘Look up I’m on the balcony. 8 floors.’

You look up, sure as shit, he’s out there, cigarette in mouth. Unlit. He waves, you wave back. He texts again, in rapid succession.

‘Thank you’

‘For helping Syd’

‘And the oven and the hot plate and the bookshelf (not necessary)’

‘nbd + I think it’s v necessary’ Does Carmen understand acronyms? You’re risking it, here.

‘and cleaning my trash’ Sonofabitch.

‘ah fuck. I don’t think you’re messy!!! I just wanted to help!!!’

‘I know. You’re you. Be safe.’

Oh goddammit, stupid dry texter, saying something so gah. You jump as Syd taps the roof of your car behind you, getting your attention. Watching from a far distance, Carmen laughs, though you don’t notice it.

“Are we going?”

“Yes! Sorry!” You hurriedly pocket your phone, waving one last time as you get in your car. Syd sits beside you in shotgun, her pot of basil sat safely in her lap. You drive off.

You’re half way down the road, when Syd pipes up again. “So y’all are fucking, correct?”

You almost brake check the guy behind you.

 “How do you fuckin’ do that!?”

the opening is dedicated to my dear friend and i who have sent our wordle results to each other everyday for the past like year and a half.

Things of note, one - people usually skip the shit up top-- I made a spotify playlist! Listen if you like, I'm not your dad.

Two, I know this is a self insert right, i know what I set myself up for-- Do you know the hell i am in as a syd x carmy girl writing scenes with both of them and it NOT being them? What have I done, to myself? The only coping mechanism I have is imagining in this universe Syd is a lesbian. And that is helping.

The hot pocket recipe-- Who fucking knows, if that would taste good? I think it would? In theory? I fucked with a dish from Daniel NYC, to make it into a bit. Would it work? ....Beef wellingtons do, I can't see why this can't???? Idk man.

Rosemary water w cloves and ginger does fucking work btw. I am part of the so stressed out i lost my hair brigade. Also basil does grow like a motherfucker.

We're seein' a little bit of that tenseness that comes with being in an 'almost relationship' both of them feel like they've got something they can fuck up now. Poor birds. They'll be okay. Probably.

I'm really excited for the next chapter, I don't wanna give shit away, but it's gonna be,,,,,, different. I haven't seen anyone try this kinda formatting on tumblr before, and I'm excited to see what you think. Between my moving and how complex the choreography of it is gonna be, it's gonna be a much longer minute between this chapter and the next, I fear. But listen, you already knew your ass was gettin' spoiled with a chapter every two days. Hehe.

As always, please come yap to me in the replies/inbox/dms/reblogs. I love to hear thoughts!! It sustains me, baby!!

Next Part

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

Transcript of Shelby's Video:

CW: Abuse

:readmore:

Hello! I don't know if you can even hear it, I put on, like, light jazz in the background because it seemed awkward being quiet, but I don't think you can hear it, so I'm just gonna turn it off. Um, hello! Um, welcome! We are in emote only because I'm just gonna be talking today, and then I'm gonna go! I'm gonna go!

Um, yeah, it was very, very low. There's, there's no need. I just, it felt weird leaving you in silence, but I'm here, so — Hello! Um, I want to talk about something today that, um, very nervous. I feel sweaty. I had a sweater on, I had to take it off. Um, I'm gonna try and just, I wrote down pretty much everything I think that I want to say to keep track of, sort of all the points that I want to make sure I don't forget anything. So I will be reading from something, um, a good portion of the time, but not 100 percent of the time. Um, and I just wanted to make sure I got all of my thoughts down in words ahead of time. I'm, I really like writing down my thoughts. So I did that.

Um, oh, hold on. Can I turn ads off? I think that maybe we turn ads off today. How do I make that happen for just today? Um. Shoulda had that already. I shoulda had that already. I actually don't even know how to make that happen. You know what? That's just gonna have to be that way. I'm so sorry.

Um. I'm all good. Um, yeah, okay. Today's just gonna be talking. Uh, I'm just gonna start reading from what I wrote, and go from there.

I have a really big coffee, I'm gonna take a swig. And I have my water, and I'm gonna take a swig of that.

I have always liked telling my different experiences that I've had, um, in dating because it feels important to me to share what I've learned and maybe help other people to not make the same mistakes that I have before. I'm 30. I've dated a lot. I've gone on a lot of dates. I keep trying, um, and it's unfortunate that a lot of my dating history, uh, there were a lot of bad people that tried to manipulate or control me, um, but that's not to say that every person that I've dated has treated me poorly. Um, some people just weren't the right people.

Um, and speaking out about my bad experiences has never felt as important as it does right now because silence has always brought me peace. And this time it feels like my silence is not keeping my peace. It's only keeping somebody else's peace. Um, and I never thought that I could be the kind of person to end up in a situation like I did. I'd never thought that could happen to me.

And so for me, this is important because it could help anybody else see the signs sooner than I did. Um, or hopefully avoid a similar situation entirely. Because the, the truth is it was dangerous. Um, there were a lot of things wrong in this relationship that, um, I endured some pretty terrible treatment. Um, and I might touch on some things here and there about that. But, um, if I feel like it's important to the overall context. But what I want to stay focused on is this specific issue, um, and the things that happened matter-of-factly and the things that people saw and witnessed in our circle.

Um, it took me 10 months after to heal. And I spoke with multiple therapists and tried different forms of therapy. Um, I tried somatic therapy. That one was actually really good for me. Um, because that one actually helped me release a lot of, um, built up anger I was having over the last year. Um, but the anger that I was feeling was for myself because, um, I felt like I should have known better.

I felt so stupid at myself for, um, sort of just staying through all of this. Um, and I shared my story with a lot of friends after I started talking to therapists and I was like "So, this thing happened ... and I wasn't really sure ... It just seems weird now to me looking back," and all of them told me exactly what was happening in the words that I was too afraid to use.

Um, and I was being hurt in my last relationship. And it took me all of that time to see it through that lens. Um, I even posted an anonymous story to Reddit that I have now deleted with an anonymous account. But in posting that, I found a dozen other stories that were exactly like mine, exactly the same way. Um, and all of the comments said exactly the same thing.

Um, and I was so mad at myself because I was lying to, um, at a certain point to protect this person, because I knew that if I told my friends the truth, it'd make him look really bad. Um, I didn't think that I would cry and I practiced saying all of this and I didn't cry, but it's easier to practice it when no one is listening.

Um, but he always cared more about how it looked and that was really important, not what was true. Um, and it was really subtle. When I hear about, um, when I hear about physical abuse, I think of hitting. I think of hitting and punching, um, so I thought that this wasn't violent enough, um, to be abuse. Uh, I thought that it was just like a constant accident that he kept hurting me. Um, but he's not hitting me and it didn't start as something that he did to hurt me.

Uh, he had this habit of biting, which is so weird to me now, but he said that he had had this habit since he was a kid. And even his mom said that that was true. And he said it was just affectionate and that that might have been — I mean, I think that that might have been true, maybe, at the start, but I also feel that I have good reason to believe that every part of it was a lie, but that's just my personal opinion, um, and I had no problem with just biting, that isn't even the most uncommon thing, um, but he did mention something early that I should have taken as a red flag, um, and he wanted to make sure that I was okay with him biting me because he didn't want me to come back later and say that he abused me. Which I thought was really weird considering he had never hurt me before. And so why would I call it abuse? And why was he thinking about that? And I thought he was being sweet, checking on me to make sure that I was still comfortable. Um, but of course I was because he hadn't hurt me. And why would I think he ever would?

Um, and then he did, for the first time, by accident, uh, and I don't specifically remember the actual first time that he bit me too hard by accident, because I didn't think that it would be significant, um, I thought that it would only happen once, and he started biting me more and more over a period of time, sort of throughout the whole relationship, and accidents of him biting too hard and really hurting me happened more and more frequently, um, but he always seemed genuinely sorry, and he decided that he didn't want to keep accidentally hurting me, um, so we were gonna use a safe word, um, so he could learn where my limit was, where my pain tolerance ended.

Uh, and saying that out loud now doesn't sound — Like, that's not very sound logic. Um, but at the time, I thought he cared about not hurting me. But in reality, it's like, why are you biting so hard? And why do you have to bite so hard? And it shouldn't be that hard of a problem to stop. Um, that shouldn't be that hard.

And he disguised it as this really quirky part of our relationship and was so comfortable sharing it with his friends to the point that he would do it in front of them. He thought it was this really funny story to tell and a good bit to take my arm and bite me in front of everybody until I literally shout in pain. Um, and then I have to laugh it off because I'm so embarrassed and I don't want to cause a scene in front of all of our friends and I'm sure everyone was a little bit uncomfortable, but as long as I was saying that it was fine, nobody really felt like they needed to be concerned and that's not anybody's fault because I was lying. I was lying and it wasn't fine because I would go home later and I'd tell him how uncomfortable I was. How much I didn't like being hurt all the time and I needed him to really stop biting so hard. I didn't like it and I tried telling him over and over again because he wasn't actually trying at all to not hurt me, um, but he said he would try, at first, and then he started saying things like it was my pain tolerance that was too low, or I'm exaggerating how much it actually hurts. He's not even biting that hard. I'm, I'm being dramatic. Um, but his biting escalated to a point where I was covered in bruises all over my arms and they hurt and he would poke at them for fun. And he even felt so comfortable showing off my bruises that he had caused to our friends because he would bite me so hard by accident, "by accident." He would even joke that it looked like he abused me. Um, and eventually he did acknowledge how bad it looked that I was covered in bruises all the time. So he stopped, um, biting my arms as often. And he started biting my legs instead. Um, and it was in the last couple of months of the relationship that every time he bit me, it was until I needed to use this safe word. Um, it had become his benchmark for when to stop.

Only once I was definitely hurt, um, which meant I was being hurt every single day, um, multiple times a day, uh, for all of the days that we spent together in person. And when I asked him to stop again, this time he said, "This is who he is. He isn't going to change." Those were his words. And I remember a lot of, specifically his words about certain things, especially at the end.

Um, because I'm good at remembering words and especially his wording. I became really good at remembering because he was constantly contradicting himself. And I would notice, but most of the time it wasn't worth picking a fight over. And — But he would fight me on it sometimes 'cause I would po- I would point it out and, uh, he would insist that he had never said the thing that he said, he definitely did say. And then he would say something like, "How are you so sure you're remembering correctly? Why are you always right?" Um, and he definitely said the things that I heard him say and other people heard him say.

So, he had, now at this point, weaponized the safe word and was using it to ensure that I was hurt and on a constant basis. And he wasn't sorry anymore. Um, I couldn't even tell you the last time he had apologized for doing it anymore because now sometimes he would bite me and I would yell out the safe word because it hurts so bad and he'd clamp down even harder and, just for a second, just for good measure, before letting go and sometimes I'd say the safe word and he'd grind his teeth down on my skin and sometimes he'd smile after, um, like a gloating grin?

And during this time I was filled with so much anxiety all the time that I was constantly nauseous. Gagging daily, um, on occasion throwing up because of the pit that was in my stomach. I never told him about that though. I was going and running away quietly to throw up in the toilet and rejoin our group of friends.

Um, but I felt so unwanted and ignored. Um, and I would tell him that and then he would reassure me that he wanted to be together and he loved me. He loved me more than I loved him, even. He would always insist that that was true, like the, "I love you." "I love you more," but he was like, really serious about it.

Um, and looking back, I do believe that the way I was swept off my feet at the beginning of this relationship was 100 percent love bombing. Um, and we were friends for a time. Um, at least people would have thought that, actually, but I use the word friend very loosely because, um, we had actually never spoke to each other outside of group chats we were in together when, like a handful of times throughout the, the whole time that we knew each other, um, but did not talk to each other.

So I wouldn't have even called him my friend until he found out I was single, waited a few weeks to reach out, and then we started a friendship and then that friendship turned romantic and then he made these huge romantic gestures. He wrote me the most beautiful love letter that I had ever read. Um, he called me his soulmate. He talked about "forever" one month in. He told me he hadn't been in a relationship in five years. He thought he could never find love again before he met me. He said he wanted someone to grow with. He wanted to be a dad. He had all his names picked out and I didn't have a preference because I — My feeling of it is that the timing is right and with the right person, I could, um, but if that doesn't work out in time or the time, you know, I, I'm not super pressed about it. Um, but I started opening my mind up to the idea with him because it seemed so important to him. And I kept trying to talk to him to figure out where he was, later on, when I could tell things like, were declining.

And, um, now all of a sudden he's telling me he's not sure he wants kids at all. In fact, he has never been attached to the idea of kids. Um, and I told him that isn't what he said before, and he said he's allowed to change his mind. And I'm of the opinion that in a relationship, there are a few things that you are not actually allowed to change your mind without letting your partner know.

I think that kids is one of them. It wasn't even important to me. Um, and I think marriage is one of them, so I brought that up next. And I asked if he still wanted marriage. He said he wanted to marry me. And then he said, now, "I'm not the co-" quote, "I'm not the commitment guy. You know that."

I didn't know that.

Why are you dating me?

In fact, he was telling me the exact opposite every day. Uh, he would tell me he still wanted to be together. He wanted to work on all of the problems. He wanted to, like, he wanted me at the end of everything. He did not want to break up. He made that very clear. And uh, I have though, caught him in lies before, but usually it was small stuff and I, again, I didn't want to, it wasn't anything that ever seemed worth rocking the boat over, uh, which isn't normal for me.

I hate lies. Um, and yet I ended up lying for him. So, uh, but he had lied about big things and he had also been caught lying by his friends numerous times. So this is something that he feels is acceptable to do. And everything reached a breaking point when he was about to leave for an extended period of time.

We were not going to see each other very much, a few days out of every few months, um, and now suddenly he is dumping all of these problems that he has been having feelings about all of this time later. Um, at one point he said he's been feeling this way a couple of months. At another point, he says he's been feeling this way for six months, immediately contradicting him- contradicting himself in the same conversation.

And with no time to do anything about it. I arrived — the one of — Never mind. I'm gonna get to something later, but I literally arrived for three days for this conversation to happen and then leave. Um, my cat just woke up and she's not usually awake right now — Hi, my love. It's really close to her dinner time. I should have fed her early.

Um, so no time to fix any of the problems all the sudden because there are three days before he leaves and he insisted he did not want to break up. He, and so, he was expecting me to have a solution somehow, magically, and I gave a number of solutions that would have a way forward for us to be together, but he refused to make any compromise, um, whatsoever.

And he said that "the relationship was starting to feel like a responsibility," towards the end. Also his words. Um, so it wasn't a responsibility the whole rest of the time to him. And he was at this point, basically flaunting that he would never prioritize me over anything. Um — she's eating my laundry. Please don't cause problems. — Um, and I wasn't even asking for literally even the bare minimum. I was asking for so little and he — I was watching him give exactly what I was needing in the relationship all over the place to anybody else who, who just happened to ask and just wasn't me. So, um, and he also, he was never going to prioritize me over anything that would give him more fame or money.

In fact, he said that himself. He, uh, that was exactly why he was not going to compromise at all for a solution for us to be together. Because he said he wanted to see how much fame and money he could get. Um, and I just thought we wanted to be together. I thought that's what we both wanted, because that's what he was still saying he wanted to.

Um, but then he also admitted to me that he had grown resent- uh, he had grown to resent me. And I have to be thankful that he said that bit out loud. A lot of these bits he said out loud. Because that was the last push that I needed to get myself out.

He had grown resentful, which I also pointed out that there was no reason. Like, there was no reason to feel that way and he admitted that there was no reason for him to feel that way either. I think that it was because I'm someone who can communicate how I feel. Um, but, I don't know, I think, there, I have a lot of theories and reasons why I believe things happen the way that they did and why he was lying all of the time.

Um, but, he was "resentful" of me, was causing me physical harm every day, multiple times a day, despite me telling him over and over again to stop. He wasn't going to change, and he wasn't going to end the relationship. He was going to keep hurting me, and it was possibly going to escalate even further. So I broke up with him.

And I didn't even want to. Um, because I couldn't even see for such a long time after, um, what it really was that had happened. That he had abused me. And, in fact, we left things as, we want to be friends, and he can never imagine not speaking to me again. Um, and then he never spoke to me again. Uh, outside of like a couple of exchanges where I needed to ask for my clothes to be shipped, um, so at least I got my clothes back, uh, I had a whole closet full.

However, uh, he did throw away all of my other things, uh, without saying a word to me about it. Hundreds of dollars of things from my office were trashed without a word, and I didn't block him till ten months later because I wanted an open door still. I really thought I wanted to be his friend. Um, but, uh, I don't feel that way anymore.

I do believe he was bottling up so many emotions, uh, and he would never talk about how he felt. Um, I, I think he even, I mean, he did admit that he felt like he couldn't say it any sooner. Like, there was just no possible way to say how he was feeling sooner than the absolute last possible chance. Like, not even a chance, because three days before he left, that was actually a lie too, also.

He didn't leave for another week after I left. He, he brought me in, had this three day conversation, he was supposed to leave, and then he stayed for another week before he left, uh, with all of the friends that I was also meant to see, but he had lied to me about the dates too.

Um, but I do believe that there, uh, that he was bottling up so many emotions that he was taking it out on me physically. I believe there was a moment where he knew that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and instead of just ending it, he tried to push me away any way he knew would hurt me. And he knew all of the ways that would hurt me the most. And he knew he was hurting me. There was no way that he didn't know because of the safe word that he made.

Uh, and he just didn't care. He was hurting me and he didn't care. And even looked like he was enjoying it, sometimes. Um, and I can look back now and I can see all these instances that were really major red flags. Um, there was this one time that he pinned me down and asked me to try my absolute hardest to get him off of me.

And I couldn't do it, obviously. And he said something to make the point that he was so much stronger than me that I wouldn't be able to fight him back. Fight back against what? What do you mean? You don't say shit like that to people? That's insane. Um, and I was also sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend, and he knew that.

Um, he had stopped giving anything to the relationship, and he said that why was because he "was just waiting for things to change on their own." Um, he said he also "didn't have the time or energy anyway to do the things that I was asking for." Um, but then would constantly make any bit of time and energy for anybody and anything but me.

Uh, and he would say he wanted more quality time, so then I would try to arrange things for us to do online because we were, uh, long distance, but then he would complain that he doesn't want to spend all of his time on the computer anymore. Uh, and then we'd be there in person and all he wants to do is stay inside, play games on his computer, watch movies. He doesn't want to go out.

Um, and I'm not saying any of this next part to be mean, um, he lived in filth like I have never seen, and I've seen filth. This was the worst. Uh, he would spill things on the floor and never, literally never clean them up. Uh, he got an ant infestation once, um, and wasn't going to do anything about it because he said, he said "Bugs are normal in British houses," um, so I had to buy Antkiller. And he wouldn't clean his bathroom for months, and months, and months, but would constantly complain about how bad it smelled, and I would tell him, that's mould. It's mould. He complained about being tired all the time too, which I don't know if that was a lie or not, but mould will do that too.

But he would insist that it wasn't, somehow, without having cleaned in months. But it's not mould. Um, when I met him, he was washing his clothes without detergent. Um, just, he wasn't using that at all, and I don't know for how long before I met him. He was just running it with water and then hanging it on his filthy kitchen cabinets.

Um, and I felt bad. I felt bad because I felt like he needed someone to help him learn how to be cleaner. I thought he just didn't know how and I listened to all of the struggles of his upbringing and I was like, "He just doesn't know how. Someone just needs to show him." Um, and then I found out that he said he doesn't clean at all when I'm not there because he just waits for me to get there to do it.

Um, and I only found out about that after we broke up because he said it behind my back. Uh, I was doing all of the cleaning and laundry for him. Also, I had a separate bathroom. I want to make that clear. I wasn't using that bathroom. I had a separate bathroom that I cleaned for myself. I had cleaning supplies. I don't think he even actually knew I had cleaning supplies in there. Um, but I had my own bathroom.

Um, all the, all the cleaning, all the laundry. All of it. I was paying for. All of the, um, like paper towels, like soap, all of that only stayed in the house so long as I was buying it. Um, I would arrive and there would just not be toilet paper in the whole house. There were paper towels instead. And who knows for how long, too.

Um, I was paying for food more than half the time. Uh, because he would often push me into ordering food for us even if I had paid for the last meal, or the meal before that. Um, and I'm of the opinion now that I shouldn't have been paying for any food. Um, none at all, but I wanted to at least, I thought I was being equal by at least doing like a back and forth. Um, but, uh, I ended up paying for food more often than just going back and forth anyway. And he would do this to his friends all the time too. Um, but I was also paying for every plane ticket and the cat sitter, which cost roughly the amount of a plane ticket to England.

Um, and he never offered to help me pay after the couple of times he did come here to visit me because he paid for the flights that we would both take. Um, but that only happened twice at the very beginning. I have actually had a friend tell me that, that this is financial abuse, but I don't know enough about that to say for myself, but I was telling him that I couldn't afford it, uh, all by myself all the time because I was losing money. I was never able to work properly there and he wasn't traveling at all to see me anymore, even though he said he would. Uh, that was like the basis of our entire relationship starting off. Um, so then he agreed to pay for the cat sitter so that it would be basically paying half the cost of my travels. Um, and he did that once, and then never did it again, uh, despite many more months of dating.

Uh, and I was traveling often. Um, I had to. Because he was worried that we weren't spending enough quality time together. And then all of the time that he would have ever extra, he would choose, choose, to not spend it on me because there was an available choice and he chose not to spend it with me. Often.

Um, and I did everything short of just up and move there, which I was willing to do the whole time. And I told him that I was willing to do it and he knew, uh, but he insisted that I don't. He insisted not to. He was planning to move here. That was supposed to happen first.

Um, and then at the end of the relationship, he said, "Maybe things would have been different if I lived there." If I lived there. Uh, like I had said I would the whole time and he insisted I don't. Maybe that could have saved the relationship. Um, and I say all of this because I believe that people like this are genuinely dangerous. I believe he is dangerous.

Um, he was willing to lie. He was willing to do harm to someone he claimed to love more than anyone he has ever loved. Uh, his actions escalated, um, and I don't think that I'll be the last person that he hurts. Uh, and I felt like sharing my story was really important to warn people. Um, I want people to see the signs that I refused to.

I want you to listen to your body. Um, and get out as soon as possible. Tell your friends the truth and let them help you.

Um, I really thought I, I couldn't — Because I had been sexually assaulted in a previous relationship, I just thought I was so much smarter. To never — and I was like, "if someone ever laid their hands on me, I'd leave immediately. It would never happen a second time." But you, you just, it just kind of happened so slowly over time, and got worse, and worse, and worse, until the point where there's no way to deny the fact that he was hurting me and he knew, and, and didn't care.

That's just the kind of thing that I keep repeating to myself when I'm like, "But was it bad enough? What? It wasn't violent enough." Um, but I was being hurt multiple times every single day. Days, and days, and days, and days, for a month at a time in a row, uh, and I'm not even speaking on most, because I did touch on other things, but I am not even speaking on most of the other things that, in my opinion, I do think that there are some things that are across a line that make you a bad person.

I don't think that most people can be defined in a black and white, you're good or you're bad, but I do believe that there is a line that you can cross and only bad people will do the things on the other side of that line. You know what I mean? Um, and I watched a couple of things cross that line. And I just, I, I truly feel now that my soul is so healed.

Um, I am light years beyond him. Uh, this was the last thing that I felt like I needed to do — That's my cat. — Um, before I could move forward and hopefully never talk about him ever again. Outside of maybe my stories that I want to tell about other shitty things he did. Anonymously mixed in with the other stories I still have of shitty things that shitty exes did.

Because I think it's important for us to share our stories and our experiences. I think it's important for all of us to know that we deserve so much better than this. Um, and I think that if people don't want us to talk about the shitty things that they do, then they shouldn't do shitty things. Um, and this just felt so important to share.

I always wanted to share my experiences. I always will. Um, and that's kind of it. That's it. That's the end of everything I prepared. I reserve the right, uh, entirely to change my mind later and tell every story I want to, um, but for now that's all I really have, I feel like, from my soul, I want to speak on. Because I think that this can help other people.

I think that it can help other victims. Um, I have already talked to a number of — I only cry now when I'm talking about my friends! Who also dealt with such shitty things from shitty people. Um, but I'm also so, so grateful for all of my friends who were through, uh, with me through this whole thing. And my friends who also were experiencing similar, similar sorts of situations, um, at the same time, and we kind of went through it together. So, um, I think they are the strongest people in the whole world, and they made me feel like the strongest people in the whole world today. Did I call myself people? I meant person. I feel like the strongest people — I did it again. — I feel like the strongest person. They made me feel so brave. I felt impenetrable today. Um, but I am gonna go now because my friends are coming over and we're immediately gonna go become distracted by watching Love Is Blind. I already watched all of it already and I don't care.

So thank you, um, for listening. Thank you everyone who gifted subs. Um, um, I am going to be taking, uh, the rest of the week off from streaming. I have a video going out on Saturday and I'll be back next week and, uh, you won't hear about any of this again for a while, probably. But, uh, thank you all. I don't really even know what to do now. I think I'm just going to end. Um, go spread love all over the place on Twitch right now and I'll see you guys later. Bye.

Wilbur's response:

In the past week a series of allegations have been made over my conduct from an ex-girlfriend. I want to emphasise that, although I feel it fair to offer my perspective, this person's feelings are completely valid. I have taken my time sharing this statement as I wanted to process and respond respectfully and with the hope to gain a deeper understanding for the situation.

During our relationship's final months, I regrettably became slobbish, disrespectful, and selfish. These actions caused a lot of pain to my ex-girlfriend and I've since sought therapy to address these behaviours, making significant lifestyle changes to rectify my past actions. I have come to realise how much my past behaviour hurt this person, but I truly, compassionately believe I have made great strides from the person I once was and hope I can continue to grow and improve on this trajectory.

The allegation of abuse, particularly in the form of biting, deeply shocked me. Throughout our relationship, I understood from our numerous conversations and text message exchanges on the subject, that this behaviour was consensual, playful and reciprocally enjoyed. I truly believe those personal message exchanges reflect mutual affection and understanding. Out of respect for her, I choose not to publish them and I emphasise my perspective is not shared to diminish or invalidate anyone's feelings. Instead I share it in the hope that I can offer a genuine, fair and relevant insight into my understanding of the situation. While I may perceive our interactions differently, I recognise that this person has processed and expressed feelings of hurt. I want to extend my sincerest apologies for any pain that I caused.

I am fully committed to understanding and addressing her concerns going forward. I hope my perspective sheds light on this situation without detracting from its message. I am dedicated to earning and maintaining the trust of those around me and hope I continue to be held to these high standards I wish to attain and maintain.

- Will

Shubble's response:

i could not have imagined what i would wake up to today. my ex pretending he thought i enjoyed being hurt... and all of my friends immediately coming to my defense. The support has brought me to tears, i don't even know what to say. i'll be back, i'll just be taking a little time

and for the record, i don't accept the apology

[contentloadingandstuff]

Happy Birthday, Kujou Sara! - Kujou Sara x Male!Reader

AN: Happy birthday to our favorite bird general! Enjoy your little fluffy gift.

You pull on the string, stirring the doorbell to ring out. As you wait for her attendant to open the door, you quickly adjust your wear. Kujou Sara, even if she was your friend, didn't deserve to be treated with anything but your absolute best. Even if the evening was rather stuffy, you chose to prepare your more formal outfit - a blend of dō and hakama, perfect for both official business and casual meetings. 

After a moment, the wooden gate is opened and one of Sara's maids greets you with a polite bow. She motions towards the garden where, just a few steps from her, the Tengu stands. She's wearing clothes one would rarely see adorning her body - a modest kimono, decorated only with the sash and her mask. The smile on her lips is as uncommon as her attire. 

“Hello! I’m glad you're here.” She speaks, approaching you. “Thank you for coming.”

You meet her halfway. “It's good to see you too, Sara.”

You bow slightly, Sara returning your gesture. Your eyes meet for a moment. Her golden pupils gleam in the red light of the setting sun. You smile. Sara’s lips shift as well, but her demeanor turns a little sheepish as she averts her eyes. 

You can't help but think the slight red tint on her cheeks might not be makeup. 

Observing the situation, the maid steps in, bowing cordially. “May we invite you inside for a meal, my Lord?”

Sara shakes her head, suddenly brought back to reality. “Of c-course. Please, Y/N, come inside. I've prepared something for the occasion.”

You nod eagerly. “I can't wait to sample your cooking.”

The maid leads you through the gardens and into the guest room where a small table awaits you. You hand over your katana and equipment, taking a place on the mat opposite Sara. 

The table is full of various snacks. Crisp and plump Lavender Melons and Sunsettia, cut into sizable slices, shine at you invitingly, perfectly complimenting a wide variety of juicy maki rolls and golden brown tempura. Before you can even reach for one with your chopsticks two bowls of steaming ramen are brought to the table. The thick, soft noodles float peacefully inside the broth, the clouds upon which rests a soft boiled egg accompanied with various greens and a few pieces of ham. The sight of the vibrant yolk lazily streaming down into the soup, let alone the scent of the whole meal, hypnotizes you. 

Ironically, it would be a shame to eat such an inviting meal. If it wasn't so delightful, that is. The room fills with quiet, but still enthusiastic clicking of chopsticks as both of you tear into portions. Sara glances at you hopefully from time to time, gauging your reactions. You make sure to nod appreciatively. It takes what feels like mere moments until, amongst comfortable silence, the soup is eaten. 

Wiping the remnants of it from your mouth with a tissue, you sigh with satisfaction. The dish was possibly the best thing for this weather, even if the air was so humid. But now that you've eaten, it was time to give Sara something special. 

“Thank you for your hospitality, Sara.” You say, reaching your hand inside your sleeve where you hid the gift. 

“Don't mention it, please. It's the least I can do to thank you for coming. I'm sure I've distracted you from important matters...” She drifts off when she notices the small, ornamental box in your hand. “What’s that?”

You chuckle. “It is for you, silly. It's your birthday. Surely you didn't expect me to come empty handed?”

“Oh! I…” Her hands move up, covering her mouth in surprise. “T-thank you. I hope the gift wasn't too much trouble…” 

She takes the gift from your outstretched hands and begins quickly unfastening the ribbons. When her fingers lift the lid, a set of jars is revealed. Curious, she picks one up and starts examining the label. 

Seeing her confusion, you chime in. 

“This is, um… that's coconut oil, for your wings. So they remain as pristine as ever.” 

Sara looks up at you, slightly wide eyed. Her silence speeds up your heart. Was this a bad idea? Does she already have some? Did you just offend her? 

You feel blood rushing to your cheeks. 

“I've talked to a scientist from Sumeru some time ago. He told me a lot about the birds of paradise in Sumeru and how they are taken care of in captivity”, you explain hastily. “To keep their wings shining and vibrant, their caretakers use coconut oil to lubricate the feathers. He said that it's better than sesame oil as it helps protect against illnesses and insects. So… I thought of you.” You wave your hands, smiling shyly. “You don't have to accept it if you don't like it though!”

As she listens to you, her mouth opens slightly as if she wants to speak, but closes without a word. She's speechless. 

You sigh as your smile fades. Just as you think of how to apologize, Sara speaks out. 

“This is incredible. I don't have the words to express how… How happy I am.”

Her voice is quiet and slightly trembling with emotion. The Tengu quickly looks back towards you, a small blush on her face. “Nobody has given me such a thoughtful gift before…”

A stone’s weight is taken off your heart as you see her flustered expression. A genuine smile of happiness and relief creeps onto your features. 

After a while of cordial thanks, you finally convince Sara that it wasn't too difficult to get, even if you had to import it from Sumeru. Having received this gift, Sara's mood was only improving as the evening went by, filled with idle chatter. You've shared stories of other generals, funny encounters you've had, as well as more genuine hopes for the future. 

The night came long ago, and it was time to go home. Sara, although clearly tired, insisted on walking you at least to the estate doors. But as you were walking through the garden, unbeknownst to you, Sara discreetly dismissed the maid following you. She quietly disappeared behind the nearest corner, leaving you two alone. 

You pull the door, opening one of its wings enough to slip through. Your turn to Sara. 

“Thanks for inviting me. They say you're stiff, but they don't know just how enjoyable hanging out with you really is.”

Sara shakes her head. “No, no, I’m the one that's more thankful here. I couldn't even begin to imagine what this day would look like without you. Had you not come, it would simply be another lonely evening.”

“Signing yourself off to the grave already, Sara?” You chuckle. “I hope next year's celebration is even better than this one.”

She snickers as well. “Impossible. Nothing will best today.”

“I surely hope not!” Your turn back towards the door. “See you tomorrow-”

“Wait!” Sara says hastily, grabbing your sleeve. You stop dead in your tracks. 

“Yes, Sara?”

“I know it might be inappropriate of me, seeing as you've given me so much already…” Her eyes shift between the pavement and you. “But, if I may have one more wish to ask of you.”

“Of course. It's your day, after all.” 

Silence. 

“So what would you like me to-”

She steps up and embraces you. You let out a surprised sigh, but quickly welcome her gesture. Her arms wrap around your torso as her face buries in the crook of your neck. 

“Thank you”, she whispers. “Thank you so much.”

Thanks for reading!

[fivelasanctum]

~♥ They would have loved each other no matter what~♥ Essay Part 1

So a large portion on the fandom believes it was the 7 years stuck together that allowed them to fall for each other. It did help since they were each others only company but their were signs of attraction since the beginning with these two. ♥ Lila from the start was always amused by his quick witted retorts. Outside of being called "Crazy lady". She would always smile gleefully when he would insult and banter with her. Both characters had the best one liners. "You are an open book for very dumb children" - lila She even tried to give him props for a clever snark at Diego.

♥ Five being Five could see through her with his level of perceptiveness. I'm sure that comes into play as the years go by both before and after being stuck in the subway. Hopefully could tell she loved him despite her barbed tongue in her effort to push away and lash out. Lying to a certain extent and being in denial is true to her character to cope. Think his ability to read her also showed he was better suited for her and her needs. Aware of her unhappiness with Diego in season 4. Probably why at that time in the series, he couldn't easily say no to her. Knowing she desperately needed more of a purpose and freedom, outside of taking care of the kids that...while important was still not planned at all. Once Kids are thrown in the mix, one is more trapped in the relationship. ♥ Despite the mistrust he harbors for her at the start, their is a certain level of respect. With his "knowing what you are doing" comment before booting her from their group. He also respects her intellect given their shared backgrounds. Immediately seeking her out in season 3. He perked up when he heard lila returned. This was before he was in chaos problem solver mode. When Klaus mentioned not liking her, Five was quick to speak up for her to say she was family. Even though she wasn't raised with them. He harbored guilt over his hand in taking away her family when she was a child. So in his own way, was trying to give her a place with theirs. Diego first opened that door of course with their connection. Given Five is pretty much the patriarch of their family, his words to secure her place in it held more weight. Something Klaus acknowledged later in the season. Viktor essentially told lila to stay out of it, that she wasn't part of the family and this time Klaus stood up for her. Backing up what his brother told him before.

♥ They always had chemistry. Even when they tried to kill each other in season 2. The legendary bath fight scene was still charged with that energy. Such animosity but hard to not see the battle was fueled with euphemisms. Lila naked while fighting him close quarters. The choking scene she appeared to get too into for a moment. Perhaps that fetish is one the writers enjoy. Klaus was also into suffocation lol

The struggle Five had to fight her but the need to try to kill was dulled. He wanted or needed to work with her. The only person he felt would be able to keep up with him in terms of fighting abilities, background with knowing the inner workings of time and both being clever. Unlike their conflicts before, he was on the defensive. Trying to not hurt her too much. Whereas with lila, she was trying to shiv him but it felt like she was in 'crazy lady' mode and this was more her violent greeting. She had unresolved issues with him having killed her parents. They later discuss it and the turbulent storm of emotion when regarding him seemed to have calmed. He had brutal honesty with her. Mentioning how he rolled back time. While it saved his siblings lives...he gave her her life back as well. Even tried to give some love advice for her to grasp some happiness (in his own way) He mentioned them working together, bonded by hatred. To which it looked like she rolled her eyes. Don't think she shared that sentiment anymore. She had a softer tone when she offered her hand to him. Five had a small smirk appear but quickly covered him up with a neutral expression. Funny how even in those earlier episodes, it didn't take much for her to lead him by the hand in numerous situations.

♥ Foreshadowing when Five and lila walked out of the room together, following her bath and their fight. Diego was starting to jump to conclusions despite Five's younger form of 15/16. Five shrugged it off but lila just smiled. Enjoying the insinuation as well Diego's jealousy. Often times it's been the three of them when the group has had to separate for sub storylines or just even among their group of characters.

Another point of foreshadowing was during their mini adventure together to the now destroyed commission. Discussed they weren't well suited to retiring and domestic life. Yet as we know, they later make a home together in their Greenhouse even if it was brief. ♥ As they investigated the commission, Lila showed multiple times how intelligent she was. Even before they landed there. Was her brainstormed idea to combine their powers with the briefcase to be successful. She found the manual for five to go over which led them to the operations bunker. While her analogy was unconventional...she understood the first time five mentioned the grandfather paradox and the kugelblitz. ♥ Their adventure with going to the commission together felt like a test drive in how they would work together later in the storyline with all those apocalypse worlds they would end up in. Even when Lila was playful and tried to do the jinx game to lighten that old man up. While they are reflections of each other with suffering at the hands of The Handler, their understanding of time and being assassins. They both have their own means of coping in order to not let others too close. As lila said, 'Easier to mindfuck someone instead of being truly vulnerable to be rejected.' Or something along those lines. Five shied away from human touch for quite some time. Wouldn't let his own brother reach out to him. In the original script even rejected Vanya with a hug. Someone whom, according to the actor was their crush when they were younger. Similarly to the luther/allison crushing when Five was his natural age of 13. He would snark and pushed others from him, blinking away both when he was tired of a situation or if someone wanted to appeal to his softer side. It was lila with the hand holding to jump start the briefcase that was his first form of voluntary contact. When they crash landed back in their regular time, they tried to push each other off after lila realized she was holding on to him. Lila realized after their excursion that it was 'time to give up old grudges'. Yes this applied to Diego with getting back together with him but also connected to Five since it was in talking to him that made her realize, she should try again with Diego. Looming end of the world and all. She saw how emotionally wrecked Five was with being faced with the culmination of his powerlessness. Wasting his life trying to save his family and the world. Only to throw in the towel, giving up and dying alone with that five's life's work being destroyed (The commission) Lila learned about the level of stress he was under with trying to divert apocalypses. As his rage started to swell, the frustration with being locked in a younger body with hormones and just wanting to retire and buy the sports car of his choice. She clearly had an expression of pity and sadness. Heart bleeding for him where she even gently defended old founder Five from original five's venting wrath. "Take it easy on him, Five." - Lila After Founder five does perishes...lila is hesitant to leave Five alone. Wanting to at least keep him company. Five's own defense mechanisms kicked him, wanting to be alone. This is true to his character up until the end of the series. Being an old man who has been through countless horrors - he doesn't talk about the feelings that matter. Didn't want lila to see him in a sad, emotional state. Wanting solitude to mourn himself and rather keep how he feels quiet. "Buried deep." Something to note is that Lila is the only one to have seen him at his worse. Century old, aged, dismembered and dying. Only she and Luther have actively seen his true age reflected on a physical body. Yet despite knowing this she still found him attractive and was able to love him. That it wasn't simply because he was in an attractive body. Think that adds another layer to their friendship that later develops into something more.

♥ Not sure if I'm reading too much into it but when they had worked on combining their powers, or rather intensifying Five's...it seemed like it was more intimate with the level of trust. I'm not sure since obviously it required a great amount of focus to channel his time travelling abilities into the briefcase. What stuck out to me was Lila's "let me in!" Five: "I can't! It's too much!" Opening himself and his powers to accept her own mimicking wavelength obviously appeared to be a struggle. It's a short scene but could have involved more than what was on the surface with simply powering up. Curious about everyone's thoughts on this in particular. She has supported and worked on getting Five out of his shell since season 3 and into the 4th one. Being the catalyst to pull him into situations and push him to accomplish what he feels he is unable to. Leading him onto the subway to investigate and have some fun. She called him out earlier with getting his heart pumping from end of the world scenarios. Klaus did the the same thing multiple times. Being called a 'chaos junkie'. When Five had no confidence in his blink abilities, it was lila that pushed him to get 'back on that horse'. Even with powering up the briefcase, when he was yelling he couldn't do it...she said to not 'Bitch out on me now!' Said he hated her in the moment but showed she is what he needs. ♥ After the timeskip of 6 years, think they did grow closer. Hard to tell since all we really know of Five's life is that he had joined the CIA in that time. She was observant enough to see how he was cautious about using his powers. Both wanting some excitement for herself to remind her of how she was. Before a dysfunctional marriage and draining homelife made her probably feel like a husk of her former self. She also saw that the usual confident Five was unsure of himself, pushing him to face it. Practice makes perfect maybe? lol *Credit to Fivelila for the gifs*

Once they had lived their other life in the subway, he still lacked confidence with using his ability. Outside of it taking them back to their isolated world of the subway system. It was only when Lila implored him and told him that she needs him that he was able to use his ability like the old days. Blinking them to semi safety inside the building. Not only that but he was able to blink their whole group there. Found that extremely romantic. Despite feeling hurt from their argument in 4.05 he had so much love for her to accomplish what he deemed impossible till that point. ♥ Looping back to season 3: He finally felt more comfortable with touching. After they felt they were successful in sealing up the Kugelblitz, they celebrated with drinking and dancing. Lila chose to mostly dance with five. You can see them have a kind of tug of war. Being an old man just wanting to be separated from the group to have his drinks. Lila was having none of that. You can see through the course of their dancing, five breaking down his shell temporarily to enjoy her persistence with wanting him to let his hair down and have fun. He actively does dance with her after all her effort. Quite adorable. I do recommend watching the behind the scenes footage/extended scene. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmd4fYNlr4A&t=651s

They also dance together at Luther's wedding. Suffice to say they are friends by this point.

When deciding on whether to hand over 'scary grandpa' to the Sparrows both Lila and Five are on the same page in terms of their moral ambiguity. Lila seeing the logic of sacrificing one for the billions. Not caring about the rest of the world much. Prioritizing her loved ones. Five does try to save the world numerous times but if it came down to sacrificing his whole family in favor of it...at this point in the story, would have put his family first. Despite their stance on it, they still feel guilty about the choice made.

[hotdaemondtargaryen]

GAYLE RANKIN TALKING ABOUT ALYS RIVERS IN EPISODE 4 OF 'HOUSE OF THE DRAGON' S2.

DID YOU READ THE ALYS RIVERS PORTIONS OF FIRE AND BLOOD?

"The first audition, I did not know who I was auditioning to play."

"I was auditioning to play 'AR.' And then I was kind of told who it was, and I was able to go into the book and read the portions, which are really fascinating."

"There’s so much hearsay and back and forth about Alys from so many different perspectives — mostly male perspectives, too — about who she is, what she is, where she comes from, what she’s going to do, and what she’s not going to do."

"It made me so excited."

BEYOND THE TEXT, DID YOU FIND INSPIRATION FROM ANYWHERE TO HELP CREATE YOUR VERSION OF ALYS?

"Absolutely. I’m from Scotland originally, so I really felt strongly that I wanted her to be Celtic, like Scottish, where I’m from generally."

"I found that to be really interesting because it was like this pagan aspect with that."

"The other option would be for her to be English, and there’s not that many Scottish characters."

"Beesbury was Scottish, but no one in the House Strong is Scottish, so what are we saying about her relationship to Harrenhal and being a member of the Strong household?"

"I enjoyed adding that part of my own heritage to the character because I thought it really helped with specificity in terms of the pagan aspect of her craft and also grounding her."

"It also made her more mysterious because it’s like, wait, where’s she from? It was like a jumping-off point, and Ryan [Condal] and everybody at HBO were really excited about me using my own accent."

"I think it gives her this unique power in some ways because she is untouchable and doesn’t have a familial lineage."

"It also makes her vulnerable, too, because she’s out there in Harrenhal on her own for years."

"What’s she been doing? Where did she come from? — I have a backstory as an actor."

"That’s kind of my process, and that huge part of it for me to really ground her and make her a real woman."

HOW WOULD YOU RANK HER POWER COMPARED TO THE DRAGONS AND WHAT SHE MIGHT BE HOLDING IN?

"I think what’s interesting, and if you’ve read the books, where Alys ends up is in a pretty powerful position."

"Prophecy is like the missing piece to take over the throne."

"Prophecy and magic and witchcraft and that kind of power have amazing brute force."

"Dragons are magical in their own way, but there’s something about being able to manipulate and understand and know things about the world."

"It’s kind of speaking to a bigger theme inside the story, which is that it’s an extremely female-centric power story."

"The fact that these women know things and know how to do things, and they aren’t being helped or respected, like Mysaria and Alicent and obviously Rhaenyra."

"These women know what they’re doing."

"They know, and Alys definitely has another kind of knowing."

"I think it’s cool to add that to the pot."

ALYS HAS ONLY INTERACTED WITH DAEMON SO FAR. WHAT DOES SHE WANT FROM HIM?

"I think as much as Alys is in charge, there’s also something bigger that’s at play."

"I think she knows that, and it kind of allows her, weirdly, to be with Daemon in this experience."

"I think we’re going to start to, hopefully, get to see them actually interact."

"As much as Alys has all this power, there are things about her that she wants and desires and has her eye toward."

"There’s a long game, I think, for this character."

"My interpretation and hope to get through is that she also has a human yearning and yearns for human connection."

"I think someone with a lot of power like that, who’s been alone for a long time, how is that going to play out when they get to spend time with a human being?"

SHE TOLD DAEMON THAT SHE'S "NO SO BAD" ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW HER. THAT WAS A REALLY HUMAN MOMENT IN THE MIDST OF THIS OTHERWORDLY EXPERIENCE AT HARRENHAL.

"She desires to be known, I think, and that’s really interesting that she desires to be known by the scariest motherfucker around."

"She’s kind of here for it."

"There’s something really progressive about that because the thing about Alys is she’s able to see something in Daemon that’s important to be seen."

"She’s fearless."

"I think when you wait around for 400 years, when you get an opportunity to get involved in your life for your purpose, which I think Daemon is a part of her life and her purpose, like, go for it."

"She’s going for it."

IN EPISODE 3, SHE TOLD DAEMON THAT HE'D "DIE" AT HARRENHAL. DID SHE SAY IT AS A WARNING OR JUST A FACT?

"I think it’s good that we’re asking that question because I think that exposes a lot about her."

"I don’t think she knows really how Daemon is going to play out in her life."

"As much as she knows everything, I don’t know if Alys knows everything, you know? I think there’s a learning happening with her, too."

"I think there’s warning, there’s fact, there’s empathy, there’s power dynamic playing out."

DO YOU THINK ALL OF HER POWER IS CONTAINED AT HARRENHAL? IS THAT SOMETHING YOU'VE THOUGHT ABOUT?

"I’m sure it’s something that she’s thought about."

"I think it’s something that she’s probably worried about and excited about and challenged by."

"I think that’s an exciting question for the show because, ultimately, it doesn’t seem like it is, but I don’t know if she knows that."

"I don’t know how that would change her."

WHAT CAN YOU TEASE ABOUT WHAT'S NEXT FOR ALYS REGARDING HER DYNAMIC WITH DAEMON? IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE AT A TIPPING POINT AFTER THE HALLUCINATIONS AND VISIONS.

"I think that’s what’s interesting is that there is a tipping point."

"What happens? How do power dynamics start to shift? — Hopefully, the audience will be hungry to see how we are going to start finding out more about Alys and there might be potential for that."

I WANTED TO POINT OUT THAT DAEMON JUST ACCEPTED THAT CUP OF WHATEVER ALYS WAS BREWING IN EPISODE 4, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. HE DIDN'T SEEM SCARED BY IT, AS IF THERE WAS A CERTAIN TRUST THERE.

"There’s something quite comforting about their dynamic."

"I think no one has ever challenged Daemon, and it’s interesting how Alys kind of flip flops between maternal energy and friend energy and kind of a little sexual tension, and any different kind of tools she has but also things that she wants to experiment with."

AEMOND AND ALYS HAVE A VERY PROMINENT RELATIONSHIP IN FIRE & BLOOD. IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY ABOUT THEM POSSIBLY MEETING THIS SEASON?

"I can’t."

"I think my whole thing with talking about Alys and talking about the journey is I think patience is going to be a really… I think it’s going to pay off because I think all of these things are so informative of one another."

[floydstruly]

thinking of a secret relationship with jamil....

Ugh yes >__< here's a couple headcanons idk how to write for jamil so this is experimental but you’re so right!! Also ugh so sorry if this isn’t what you wanted!! ;; thank you for talking to me though ily forever! Also stupid tumblr is killing my formatting ummm

cw. none! Not proof read but that’s about it this is just fluff

pairing: jamil viper x gn!readet

Jamil doesn’t particularly like attention, let alone being the spotlight, he’s grown accustomed to being a wallflower–after all, he’s been in Kalim’s shadow his whole life.

His family and friends would also probably pester him about the relationship (especially his sister and Kalim, they will not shut up about it).

Even after his overblot, nothing really changes about him, so he doesn’t see the point in announcing his relationship to the whole world. He’d much rather take things slow and steady with you.

He isn’t too big on PDA either, it’s embarrassing–the farthest he’ll go is holding your hand in the hallway and even that is pushing it.

Just because he is secretive and non vocal about his relationship with you does not mean he doesn’t love you, in fact, he loves you more than anything in the world.

He’s not one for grandiose gestures. He’d rather just spend quality time with you in private or helping you with anything and everything no matter how trivial it may seem–taking care of you when you’re sick, making you a cup of coffee in the morning, etc. He just absolutely loves pampering you.

You frequently sneak into his dorm at night even after he’s scolded you multiple times after Kalim caught you at ungodly times of the night. Sometimes, Kalim invites you to stay over–thinking you are simply, really, really, close friends with Jamil. Friends sneak over to see each other all the time!

He’ll show you his affection in very subtle ways, such as if he’s cooking for the day (which he usually is), he’ll give you a slightly bigger portion than the rest of your dorm, or even Kalim, for that matter. Don’t worry if you can’t finish it either or you don’t like the food he’s made, he’ll pick up after you.

Although, he is very careful about keeping your relationship a secret–it’s bound to come out one day.

It’s uncharacteristically cold in the usually scalding Scarabia, the moonlight frames the dorm, the peaks, edges and sharp angles seem so much softer at night, as if they were extending an invitation to you. And that is an invitation you accept ever so graciously, you sink your head into the pillow, your body resting on the hard, carpeted floor. You can still smell a faint aroma of food from the previous banquet.

Jamil is most likely asleep at this point, you think and the screen of your phone flickers. 2:00 AM. The time reaffirms your thoughts, you’d snuck into the dorm far too late to speak to him, let alone see him off to bed. Oh well, you’ll just stay here until dawn comes–but it’s hard to sleep, you shiver.

Then, you hear a shuffle, sometimes more like a couple mice scurrying across the floor, but as it grows louder and louder, it is unmistakably human footsteps–heavy and dense as they draw closer towards you. This doesn’t worry you, the worst they’ll do is kick you out–but hopefully they would extend their hospitality to you and offer you a spare guest room.

You see a head of black hair whisk by past you, the person pauses and steps back when he sees your head just a little visible over the pillow–his eyebrows furrow.

“Jamil!” You said, loudly, loud enough to make Jamil wince and look around out of panic, he wouldn’t want anybody hearing the two of you at night (although, most of the dorm knows already). Your eyes light up.

“What did I tell you about sneaking in?” He asks in a hushed tone–or more accurately, scolds you, “and in this weather, it’s freezing..”

“Oh, who cares?” You cling onto him. He sighs, a thorn by his side, you were–but he won’t be getting rid of you anytime soon, “you can just warm me up, yeah?”

He rolls his eyes at your remark and starts to walk back to his room, your arm slung over his shoulder when you follow him. No one is here to embarrass him, but he still feels his face getting warmer with every moment he spends with you.

“Just.. don’t pull this stunt again.”

“I won’t.” your lips curl into a cheeky grin, you definitely will do it again.

[nekropsii]

hello!I have a question about your alpha troll iceberg.

When did kurloz sexually assault meulin?I cannot find the source for it on my own.

I’m also a little skeptical since:

1.kurloz feels some form of guilt for deafening meulin.Not as much guilt as he shows,considering how he technically breaks his oath of silence by using his purpleblood magic

2.he isn’t openly sexual other than getting the codpiece,which I view as him following any orders from gamzee and/or lord English.And also his game sprite may have a bulge to it?im not sure about my second point

3.i don’t know why he would do that because he doesn’t abuse meulin that way.In openbound 2,he treats meulin more as an easy pawn to assist him in his malicious plans to help lord english & gamzee rather than sexually assaulting her to ruin her and then manipulating her.

I’m really curious to know when this happened,since it would reframe his already atrocious actions as even worse

Also I have a bias since I have a weird attachment to kurloz for no canon compliant reason.

Hopefully this isn’t too long…it probably is but I hope 8]

I applaud the thoroughness, actually, and thank you for reaching out. I love when people ask me to Cite My Sources, so to speak.

It's in one of the Signing portions of their interactions, so I do not necessarily blame you for missing it.

This is clearly non-consensual touching that is being framed as Upsetting on Meulin's end and Deliberately Creepy on Kurloz's.

I'm not really sure how I feel about it. Well, I feel bad about it, obviously, assault is literally always bad, but I really cannot decipher Kurloz as a character. Not fully, really, 'cuz he doesn't have much of one. To me, this reads as a pure, unadulterated Makara Moment, and I'm frankly just kind of tired of it. Kurloz's character is just a nebulous haze of Plot Instigation and Racism. Gamzee's character is also just a nebulous haze of Plot Instigation and Racism. These are both characters who are coded as Black, who are portrayed as being very dominating, abusive, and physically + sexually violent - especially Gamzee. Kurloz doing this is weird, but it's not... Shocking, I guess.

His relationship with Meulin is absolutely, uh... Troubled... To put it nicely... What, with him manipulating her into a cult and mind controlling her into doing his bidding all the time, on top of this assault, the Bullshit Clown Magic having the side effects of Confusion, Brain Fog, and Memory Loss, and her still seeming to have some kind of suppressed attraction to him... It's complicated. I think it could be genuinely very fascinating to explore, if one has the stomach for it. And a deft enough hand... And is capable of handling it all with maximum sensitivity. It's verging on something really good... But it falls kind of flat, and it's fucking exhausting that we're having this same damn conversation with another fucking Makara.

This could be done extremely well. There's some genuinely solid grounds here for exploring a very complex, very visceral abusive relationship, kind of like what was going on with Gamzee and Terezi, but... There was both just not enough time to set that up fully, and also I am so tired of Makaras being Like That.

I wish I could say this was surprising. I really do. It's not, though. It's like... On par with Gamzee being kind of a Necrophile. I just have to sigh and throw my hands up and accept it. Like, god dammit, okay, I guess we're doing this today! Sure! Whatever! Fuck my life.

[chocodile]

Now, it's pretty well-known Hyden loathes carrots and loves rare, red meat. However - what might be his favorite dishes or ingredients besides that? And drinks, besides wine? Oh, and speaking of wine! Does he, perhaps, have a favorite sort? And, finally - what way does he usually eat chocolate? Hopefully he loves brownies - Mr. North definitely should bake more and then serve some.

Hyden is a Western Kingdom northerner, and his taste in food reflects his cultural upbringing: he likes rich food. Aside from red meat, he also enjoys other typical northern fare such as creamy chowders and dense dessert breads (Though he prefers softer breads such as pound cake that are easier to chew with his missing teeth rather than the infamously chewy "thickbread"). He has been living in the middle portion of the Western Kingdom for most of his life and has picked up favorite foods from other cultures, but his favorite dinner will always be a big bloody prime rib, a glass of expensive red wine, and a fruit tart for dessert. Other favorite foods include macaroni and cheese and dates with walnuts. He doesn't drink many things that aren't alcoholic but does enjoy sweetened milk drinks every now and then.

Post-unfreezing, he finds many of the foods common in the apocalyptic "post-fall" world unpalatable. It has been a difficult adjustment indeed. He is relieved that macaroni and cheese still exists and that such a luxury food is available in boxed instant meal form, presumably for nobles like him that are a little short on funds and servants these days.

As for chocolate, he likes everything he's tasted since being unfrozen. Theo's chocolate chip cookies are a favorite, but he also likes brownies (the dense, rich texture reminds him of dessert breads back home) and enjoys eating chocolate on its own. Were he to figure out where Theo keeps his chocolate chips (and if he understood that the chips on their own are already sweet with no additional preparation), Theo would have trouble keeping him from eating his baking ingredients.

A fun side note: Something Hyden will never admit and probably doesn't even realize is that his taste is very easily influenced by whatever has an image of luxury attached to it. If it's seen as high class and expensive, he wants it. If it's seen as peasant food, he's too good for it. As a result, he canonically hates lobster, but a modern AU of him would consider it one of his favorite foods.

[fiftysevenacademics]

A Fairy Tale

Summary: Jin Ling tries to sneak a puppy into Lotus Pier but gets caught by Jiang Cheng.

Jin Ling walked as quickly as he could without attracting attention toward his room at Lotus Pier, but it wasn't easy to somehow look graceful and unbothered with the load he was carrying.

"Where are you going!"

The familiar voice pelted his back from across the courtyard. He straightened and froze but didn't turn around.

"Jiujiu!"

He heard Jiang Cheng's long stride angrily eating the gravel between them and tried to calm the squirming bundle inside his sleeve.

"Is this how you greet your uncle after a journey? Speak to me face to face."

Jin Ling turned while carefully crossing his left arm over his chest and the right beneath it to support and hopefully hide his left sleeve. He often defied his uncle with arms crossed and hoped he wouldn't notice the difference.

"Yeah, so what?" he wanted to say, but given the urgency of the situation, it wasn't wise to talk back.

"It was a long, hot ride from Jinlintai and I was going to come see you after bathing and putting on fresh clothes."

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. "Sure you were. What's in your sleeve?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me. I could see the lump wriggling from across the courtyard," Jiang Cheng scoffed.

Without meaning to, Jing Ling had been gripping the sleeve tighter as Jiang Cheng spoke, and a sad little whimper leaked out from beneath his hand. Instinctively, he jerked his hand away, and a fluffy black puppy tumbled out. Jiang Cheng caught it before it hit the ground and lifted the now frantically crying and kicking animal to eye level and glared at its face.

"This spirit dog was a gift from xiao shu! Give it back!" Jin Ling cried, grabbing the dog and cradling it against his chest, stroking its head to quiet it.

"Hmph. I suppose he told you all about how to care for and train it, too?"

"He didn't have to. I already know, not that you ever cared to ask." Now that his secret was out, Jin Ling was feeling feisty.

"Sure you do," Jiang Cheng said. "I guess you'll find out soon enough if you're up to the task or not. Let me see this thing."

He took the puppy and held it gently this time, scruffling the hair on its head and getting his hand licked in return. Jin Ling thought he saw the grim line of his lips break and a fleeting curve at the corners before he handed the puppy back imperiously.

"Take good care of it."

After that confrontation, Jin Ling had no desire to join his uncle for dinner, so he ordered a servant to bring his meal to his room with an extra portion of meat and rice for the puppy.

Jin Ling's room was some distance from the main halls of Lotus Pier, and Jiang Cheng's firm steps toward it reverberated on the wooden walkway that zigzagged around a lotus pond reflecting the full moon. He raised his fist to knock at Jin Ling's door. Laughter from inside caught his hand in mid-air.

He leaned toward the open window and peeked into the candlelit chamber. Jin Ling was rolling around on the floor with the puppy, who was jumping back and forth over his prone body to get a piece of rope he waved just out of reach. Every now and then, he let the puppy grab the rope to shake it, growling ferociously, and he could not help but laugh without restraint. Jiang Cheng watched for a few minutes, then left, stuffing down a wistful feeling in his chest. He would return tomorrow to reprimand the boy for not asking permission to bring home a pet.

Jin Ling awoke the next morning to soft snoring, spooning something warm and solid under the quilt. He retrieved the puppy from the bedding, its eyes blinking reluctantly against the light, and looked at the empty basket next to his bed.

"How did you get up here?" he asked.

Then he noticed a bad smell and saw, in the middle of the room, an almost neat little brown mound and near it, a puddle that was already beginning to soak into the wood floor.

"Bad dog," he whispered at the very moment his uncle's insistent fist sounded on the door. What should he do? Pretend to be asleep and hope Jiang Cheng went away? No, since when had that ever worked? Tell him he was dressing and to come back later? Might work if the window weren't open just enough to reveal the lie.

Jiang Cheng took advantage of his hesitation to swoop in uninvited, scanning the room with eagle eyes. Jin Ling bolted upright and clutched the puppy to him like armor.

"What's that on the floor?" Jiang Cheng accused. "Clean it up! And letting the dog sleep with you. Shameful."

Jin Ling scrambled out of bed and the puppy scampered to Jiang Cheng, its round belly swinging from side to side. He started to summon a servant, but Jiang Cheng snapped, "This isn't Jinlintai! Clean up your own mess."

"I didn't make this mess, and this is a servant's job anyway. Do you really want people to see me doing servant's work?"

"You let an animal use your bedroom floor like a toilet. The animal has an excuse: It doesn't know better. But you do, and it's your responsibility to teach the animal how to behave. Until it does, its messes are your messes, and you will clean them up."

Jin Ling felt heat rise to his cheeks because no matter how mean his uncle sounded, he was right. Living up to his uncle's expectations was the only way he would be allowed to keep this puppy. He stomped off toward the kitchen and returned a few minutes later with a bucket of soapy water and some rags.

Jiang Cheng was sitting outside holding the rope while the puppy tugged on it. He looked light, almost carefree, making Jin Ling feel awkward. He cleared his throat loudly when he was a dozen feet away, and Jiang Cheng jumped up, composing his face into its usual scowl and straightening his robe.

While Jin Ling sullenly cleaned up the mess, Jiang Cheng berated him.

"I thought you knew how to care for dogs."

Jin Ling, on his hands and knees, scrubbed at the floor without taking the bait.

"Puppies often can't wait till morning. You have to wake up and take them outside if they're going to learn they can't do this in the house. Didn't you hear it crying to go out?"

"I was asleep and must not have heard it."

"Is that why the dog was sleeping with you, too? Or did you take it to bed like a little girl with her doll?"

"So what if it crawled in with me while I was asleep? Who does that hurt?"

"It confuses the dog to sleep as an equal with its master."

Jin Ling threw the rag in the bucket with a splash and stood up, his blood boiling.

"How would you know, jiujiu? You've never even had a dog. Who are you to lecture me on how to train them?"

"You!!!" Jiang Cheng lunged for Jin Ling but the boy dodged, causing him to stumble and nearly fall. Jin Ling caught him before he did. Jiang Cheng steadied himself and pushed the boy away. Jin Ling wouldn't let his momentary upper hand go to waste.

"Well? Tell me, jiujiu. Where did you learn so much about dogs? I'm waiting." He tapped his foot impatiently.

To his surprise, Jiang Cheng sat on a chair near a table and poured himself a cup of tea, and spat it out after finding it cold. Jin Ling didn't know what to make of this or whether he should be scared, so he picked up the bucket and rags and set them outside, the puppy at his heels. When he returned, Jiang Cheng had poured himself another cup of cold tea and was sipping it pensively, having apparently changed his mind about its consumability. He picked through the remnants of last night's meal, still on the table, and fished out a morsel of chicken that he used to entice the puppy, who lay down at his feet after gobbling it up. When he reached down to pet it, the puppy rolled over to expose its fat pink belly, which Jiang Cheng stroked. Jin Ling had never seen his usually harsh uncle this tender.

"I once had three puppies. One of them looked a lot like this one."

Jin Ling's jaw dropped and he suddenly felt out of place standing in the middle of the room, so he sat at the table, too. Jiang Cheng continued, looking at the puppy instead of him, picturing his beloved Jasmine, Princess, and Little Love scuffling with each other on the grass.

"I was a lot younger than you. Three puppies were a lot of work to take care of, but I knew if I couldn't even properly train dogs, I would never be a good leader for the Jiang clan."

He picked the puppy up and set it on his lap. It stood on his hind legs to reach his face and tried to lick his mouth, but Jiang Cheng brushed its face away and gently nudged it back down.

Jin Ling was dumbfounded. Any person, or animal for that matter, that behaved with such familiarity would usually be smacked senseless but Jiang Cheng seemed to actually enjoy the attention and he realized how rarely he had seen his uncle this affectionate with another creature. He had always assumed Jiang Cheng had no close friends because his high status and responsibilities as clan leader made him both busy and unapproachable. But his xiao shushu, Jin Guangyao, was almost inseparable from his sworn brother, Lan Xichen. Nie Huaisang was friends with Jin Guangyao and many other people.

He had never seen Jiang Cheng with any friends. He spent his nights alone and his free time alone and received few invitations to social events that weren't about clan business. No clan leaders sought his hand in marriage for their daughters, nor did he have any lovers to the best of anyone's knowledge.

Jiang Cheng was the clan leader whose inability to control his subordinate had led to disaster, and if it weren't for his constant vigilance against the Yiling Laozu's return, and his intimidating temper, Jin Ling knew that his uncle would be one of the things the Jinlintai bullies teased him about. It occurred to him that if he was friendless because he was an orphan, Jiang Cheng was friendless because of his brother's betrayal. Neither of them had any control of the circumstances that had cost them the respect of their peers, which they had to constantly earn over unspoken protest.

"I didn't know that," Jin Ling said simply, hoping to tease out the rest of the story.

"My father gave them away."

"Why?"

Jiang Cheng petted the puppy harder.

"He had a good reason."

He swallowed and looked like he might cry before his stern face fixed itself. Jin Ling only had this dog for a few days and already couldn't bear the thought of even momentary separation. In that instant of weakness, Jin Ling recognized in Jiang Cheng his own loneliness, and knew better than to ask what his father's reason was.

"Have you thought of a name yet?"

Jin Ling had thought of a name and had been sure Jiang Cheng would threaten to beat him for it. But now a gap between them seemed to have closed, so he took the risk and said, almost rebelliously, "Fairy," fully expecting an upbraiding to break the spell.

Jiang Cheng looked surprised, but pleased. He held the puppy's face up to his and said, "That's a perfect name for your dog. Hello, Fairy."

[usmsgutterson]

I want a love like the movies- give me a trope/character dynamic from this list, a song (or a specific lyric from a song that you want me to base it off of, or even a poem, anything that is seen as art is acceptable here) and a time of day. I’ll use that to write a fic with a minimum of 1k words. 

kaz brekker with 29 (from the list) anddddd almost by hozier?? idk first song to pop into my head haha

Love- K.B x gn! reader

okay, this is the last of your requests and it's coming out on my official two year fic-iversary! I posted my first ever fic on maliciousbrekker two years ago to the day, and it's been a wonderfully wild ride in things ever since! No regrets with anything I've done here, honestly!

As for requests generally speaking, the goal is to have at least one more coming out over the weekend! My two year anniversary requests are taking precedent right now because I've been demotivated and haven't posted many of them, but after the two year anniversary requests are done, I'll go through my inbox and decide what I want to write vs what I don't and then I'll proceed and hopefully my requests will be open again by the date in my bio!

The prompt you chose was: reader/writer

Fic type- this is fluff!

Warnings-Kaz is probably a little ooc

"You and your books," Kaz observed as he came into your place. You lived in a flat not too far from the Barrel, one that was simultaneously within walking distance of the Crow Club and the Slat as well as Wylan and Jespers place.

You'd bought it to own it with a portion of your money from the ice court, spruced it up to your liking and saved a room to turn into a library. Bookshelves lined the walls, covered in every book you owned and organized to your preference.

You'd bought a desk for Kaz to use, and within it were countless heist plans, countless letters to Nina, Matthias, and Inej, and even a couple of the journals that Kaz had bought two years before but had only begun using in the weeks after the Ice Court job had been completed.

"I have my books and you have your heists, love," you said, shrugging as Kaz sat at the opposite end of the velvety couch you'd kept in the sitting room. "Everyone has their vices."

"How is it?" Kaz asked. You jabbed at each other for your hobbies occasionally, poked fun and delighted in the sounds of scoffs that eventually turned into barely amused laughter, but in the end, you cared about the other persons hobbies, too.

No matter how much you may have poked fun at Kaz and his love for unlined leatherback journals, for the expensive ink he purchased from a Fabrikator near the heart of the city, you always bought him the ink when you noticed he was running low before he did.

You bought him new leather journals when you saw one that he might've liked in a windowsil and bought him ones engraved as a gift on his birthday or during the holidays.

And, in turn, Kaz did the same. He bought you books from the authors you loved whenever he'd heard that a new one was releasing, took your most beloved books to a book binder when the covers were wearing out and the spines needed re-gluing.

He asked how you liked the books you were reading when he noticed you were reading a different one, bought you the books that your eyes lingered on whenever you'd see something in a bookshop window.

"It's good," you said. "How're the heist plans coming?"

"Decently enough," he responded. "A hundred thousand kruge per person on a seven person crew, if you're in?"

You grinned as you closed your book, looking at the cover for a moment.

"How convenient it is that you ask me to join you on a heist when the book I'm reading involves one."

"Is that your way of saying yes?"

You shot him a look, and he nodded. "Yeah. It's your way of saying yes."

You watched him stand, heading for your office, a pen, and one of his journals.

"Love you!" You called after him. You heard Kaz's amused laughter in response and smiled to yourself.

He didn't need to say it back for you to know he loved you in turn. If anything, he'd likely be the one to turn down the lamps and blow out the low-burning candles when he was done planning the heist he'd asked you in on.

He'd be the one to find you with a book in your lap, having told yourself "just one more chapter" even as your eyes were drooping and sleep was on its way

[octuscle]

I hope it’s not too late, but I’d like to claim the ATL suitcase.

Accompanying company takeovers somewhere in the middle of nowhere is really difficult. Yes, sometimes there are completely underestimated companies here that are worth buying. You have assessed the potential of this construction company several times and you and your partners are unanimous in the opinion that you have to strike here. An absolute bargain! But that doesn't change the fact that you feel completely out of place in your tailor-made suit with the spotless white shirt in the meeting room in a wooden hut. And you don't understand a word of what people are saying to you. The company owners' lawyer is the only one you understand at least a little. But even there you have to concentrate hard…

The first day was really hard. But at least you're talking. Otherwise you would hardly stand it in that wooden hut where you have to spend the night. The toilet and showers are in the barracks across the courtyard. You share them with the construction workers. Well, maybe they will become colleagues if the takeover is successful. That would be nice. Well, at least the delivery of the suitcase wasn't. That's not your suitcase. Damn it. Okay, you can wear the suit again tomorrow. But what about socks and underwear? What about a clean shirt? Or shower gel and deodorant? Fuck! At least the clothes look clean. Maybe a little too small. But then you'll just have to improvise. At least the toothpaste is there and the toothbrush looks OK. You take a pair of boxer shorts and a T-shirt out of the suitcase, put on your boots in the absence of slippers and go to brush your teeth. Hopefully no one will see you!

Fuck, you slept like a baby! And you have a morning wood like a tree! Nature might do you some good. Showering with the other lads is quite a challenge though. You're really tiny compared to those beefcakes. You can only really show off with your cock here. Although you're convinced that it was even smaller yesterday. The meeting goes much more smoothly than yesterday. That could be because you fit better in the room with the T-shirt instead of the dress shirt and with the boots instead of the loafers. Or it could be because you are getting used to the language. In any case, it makes you a bit proud that the company patriarch always speaks to you as "son". During the lunch break, he offers you his tin of chewing tobacco. God, he's a lifesaver. Your craving for tobacco was almost unbearable. The two of you talk about ideas on how to drive the business forward. You think that you should use more metal for roofing. More durable. And better margins. You both snort out your tobacco and go back to the meeting. Someone has put beer on the table instead of coffee. And you take another portion of tobacco.

The next mornin' the other lads greet ya with a big hoot. Yes, your cock is still hard. 'n ya are famous fo-wah bein' extremely well hung. Even though ya are usually the youngest own the site as the boss's lad, they-yur is more than one opportunity to fuck one of the builders or git a blow job. But ya also don't say no when one or the other fellah takes ya.

Mum has put out some fresh clothes fo-wah ya. Ya lak your drawers to have a sharp crease. Now the cap own your curly mullet. 'n off to the construction site with the pickup truck. Dad wants to talk to ya about the roof of the barn.

[thenovelartist]

Ikemen Prince boys as fathers - Yves, Chevalier, Leon

I've done the twins, and Jin, Luke, & Clavis. As previously mentioned, I am finally getting around to the last three princes.

(At which point, I'll do Sariel and Rio together when Rio's route is released... hopefully soon. I am prepared to blow all saved resources on that dog—er... man. XD )

Yves

When Yves discovers Emma is pregnant, he has very mixed feelings.

Yes, he’s excited and overwhelmed, which is why he’s misty eyed (not teary-eyed, he insists, thank you VERY much!) when Emma tells him.

But this soon devolves into many darker fears.

Fear number one: he is half Obsidian and fell in love with a commoner. Meaning his child will be quarter royalty, quarter foreign royalty that is still hated by most of Rhodolite, and half commoner. (they may have given her a cover story, but that was the truth of it.)

His child is going to have more societal shackles than he did. And Yves is so angry at himself because there is nothing he can do for his child to protect them from that.

Meaning he has to work even harder to prove himself among those who still doubt him and learn how to protect his child from this unfair hardship best he can.

Emma knows her husband, so she catches on to this upon watching Yves overwork himself more regularly. She's the one having to take care of him throughout her pregnancy to make sure he's not working himself to death.

Which makes him feel more guilty. He should be caring for her, not the other way around!

But she's always there to reassure him that she loves him no matter what.

Fear number two: his mother passed when he was born.

He is terrified that something might go wrong and he'll lose the love of his life.

You better believe he’s got an eye on Emma ALWAYS.

So many doctors appointments to ensure she’s healthy.

She has to pick her battles with this fickle cat, and this is not one worth the fight. She deals with them, allowing doctors to carefully monitor her progress. If it calms her husband down, she'll relent.

Besides, she knows this is his way of showing how deeply he loves her. Which makes them easier to bear.

There was a time where she accidentally gave him a heart attack when the baby kicked out suddenly.

She gasped, clutching at her belly, and Yves went about as white a sheet in panic.

The fact the baby was just moving did not settle him down at all.

He proceeded to stalk her like a cat the rest of the day. Emma warns the baby never to scare daddy like that again.

In general, Yves escorts her around everywhere to protect her from Clavis's traps.

With his luck, he will trigger any trap before Emma gets the chance to walk into it.

Emma understands where her husband is coming from, and she won’t judge him for being a little over protective. It’s just him being sweet.

Speaking of sweets…

Whatever Emma is craving, he drops everything to make for her.

Although, he is frequently torn between making her whatever she wants and the knowledge that a healthy diet is best for pregnant women.

But he’s too weak and ends up making her anything she wants anyway. The way he limits her sweet intake is portioning out what he makes for her and then giving the rest to the domestic faction.

Seeing as they are getting more sweets than normal out of the deal, they all dote on Emma, who is the reason for their sugar fix.

When she goes into labor, Yves is a mess.

He is pacing the castle so intensely that people would swear they could see a cat's tail agitatedly swishing around behind him.

No one could hold a conversation with him; he is in fine form (AKA, his tongue is sharper than usual.)

Even Licht stays away knowing Yves is inconsolable.

When he's informed that he's allowed in the room, he need not be told twice. He's already running.

When he bursts into the room, the first thing he has to do is check over Emma and make sure she's okay.

Although exhausted, she's smiling as she assures him she's fine.

He's already crying in relief before he turns his attention to the swaddled baby in her arms.

At which point, he breaks down completely. He has a family. A wife who loves him and a son born from their love.

Not out of duty. Out of love.

There are many words he wants to say, but in the end, he's too much a mess to say any of them. Instead, he settles for cradling his son against his chest, hoping that he can prove to him that he will always be loved in this world, no matter what.

Growing Up

Yves had a plan when he became a father: he would do everything he could to prove himself capable so as not to place a burden on his children.

Plan goes out the window when actually faced with raising them.

Instead of working hard to prove his worth to others, he does what he can to be involved in his children's life.

He himself had been alone in the world ever since he was born. He would not allow his children to know that loneliness.

Hence, Yves is a very attentive father to his son and two daughters.

And the domestic faction are very attentive uncles.

They all protect Yves' son from Sariel, whom he is terrified of. (Yves' two daughters had a little better introduction that helped curb that fear.)

Sariel had expected it. Henceforth, he'll be patient. He's sure Yves' son will grow out of it as he gets older.

This boy has an affinity for the kitchen, so baking with his son becomes Yves' new favorite past time.

Nighttime cookies, milk, and a story told by Emma is a whole magical experience.

Yves' son invites the domestic faction once to such a party. Yves loves him so much he begs Emma to humor him this once.

(So yes, Emma did in fact read a story book to one little boy and four grown men all wrapped in blankets and eating fresh cookies.)

For as much fun as they have, Yves does not slack on his work. Occasionally, his son will be by his side as he's completing it.

Which inspires that same work ethic in his son growing up.

While his son (or any of his kids, really) isn't well accepted by the noble houses, the boy is not perturbed by it.

On the contrary, he's had his parents love and acceptance for so long that he's unfazed if nobles don't accept him. He understands why.

However, that also means that, ironically, Yves' son becomes even more of a capricious cat than his father was.

He's like a mystery, this ethereal prince of the palace that appears and vanishes on a whim that he'll make you believe in ghosts.

Now, he's developed such a talent for it, he scares Sariel. Despite what you'd believe, the devil minister is actually quite amused by this turning of tables.

Chevalier

Chevalier always knew he would have an heir with a woman of good standing for political purposes. That was his duty as king.

However, things are very different with Emma.

When she announces she's pregnant, Chevalier finds himself... far more affected by this revelation than he would have ever thought.

They were a man and woman having relations, so logically speaking, this would be the eventual result of their actions.

Furthermore, it was their duty to produce heirs, so this success was good news.

But why was he... excited about this fact?

The woman he loved was carrying his child, and somehow, that set his nerves on edge.

He'd read about this in novels, where men grew protective over their families as they produced offspring. And the logical conclusion was that they would protect what they had produced, the next generation who would replace them when they passed.

But Chevalier felt his previous assumption was now off the mark. And that confused him.

However, looking at Emma now with her bright smile, a lovely rosy hue on her cheeks as her eyes sparkled with excitement, Chevalier ultimately chalked this up to the elusive emotion of love.

He reached forward, resting his hand lightly over Emma's still flat abdomen. For her part, she laid her own hands over his. And in that still moment, Chevalier felt warm.

As Emma progressed, Chevalier found himself keeping a closer eye upon Emma. He began being hyperaware of little indications that she was tired or in pain.

And if she was sick, he'd force her to cease whatever she was doing and go lay down. Occasionally, he would leave his work to monitor her.

The one thing he did love about Emma being pregnant was her reluctance to get out of bed in the morning. While he hated that it was brought on by her not feeling well, Chevalier had no issue sleeping in with her in the mornings, her comfortably wrapped up in his arms.

However, the hardest thing for him to navigate was her mood swings.

He's a very logical thinker compared to her more emotive thought process, but they'd invested enough time into communications to understand each other. However, when Emma would react in ways he didn't expect or flip between emotions out of the blue, he became very lost.

Clavis found it extremely amusing to watch Chevalier fumble as he awkwardly navigated those situations.

Speak of the devil, Clavis had to be very careful around soon-to-be-father Chev.

The man had much on his plate and was also affected with new emotions brought on by the fact a child—his child—was on the way. So Chevalier's patience for dealing with Clavis's eccentricities became razor thin.

Clavis only learned his lesson when a very testy Chevalier held his sword at his throat. The hellcat would consider himself lucky he walked away with only a scratch.

When Emma goes into labor, Chevalier plants himself in his office chair and gets work done.

He is of no use to Emma sitting and waiting, and he has work to do.

But do not mistake him for being indifferent. Clavis and Sariel are the only ones who dare walk into that office, and they only come with business then leave straight away. The others, quite frankly, all fear too much for their lives to go within a 10 foot radius.

Sariel is the one to deliver the news that Chevalier's daughter had been born, that Emma is fine, and that Chevalier was now allowed to go see them.

At which point, Chev wastes no time abandoning his work. Not a soul dared stood in the king's way as he strode up to the room.

Upon entering the bedchambers, he's greeted with the sight of his wife holding a baby swaddled in a blanket, and Chevalier actually stops in his tracks to take in the sight.

A strong emotion flares in his chest, and he's overcome by awe over the realization that that child is his child, born from his wife whom he can genuinely say he loves.

With a soft smile, he walks over to the bed and sits down on the edge of it.

Softly, Chevalier gazes down at the tiny child in his wife's arms. Hesitating for a second, he reaches out to rub a finger over it's chubby little cheek.

They stay like that for a while, Chevalier watching over his daughter in his wife's arms with a tightness in his chest he cannot explain.

"Would you like to hold her?" Emma eventually asks him.

Her words surprise him, and he pauses as he fights for words to answer. "How do I hold her?"

With a sweet, reassuring grin, Emma walks him through how to properly hold the baby.

And when he cradles his daughter in his arms, Chevalier smiles.

He thought his wife had already taught him all there was to know about love. But he was wrong. Seems his daughter had yet more to teach him.

Growing up

Y'all may feel differently (this is not a hill I'll die on.) But I feel Chevalier and Emma are a "one and done" couple. Not for lack of trying, mind you.

From a royalty standpoint, Chevalier is disappointed, as it is his duty to bear heirs. Specifically sons.

From a personal standpoint, Chevalier does not care. Competency to rule is not limited to his own bloodline. Furthermore, he could bear sons who would be incompetent, and that would cause just as many issues.

That said, he is of the firm belief his daughter could take after him.

And he does not say that because she's his daughter... mostly. Chev can't help but dote on her a bit.

She's proof of the saying "first born daughters are female versions of their fathers."

Unlike most girls, she's extremely logical. Emotions are slightly more difficult for her to grasp, but she learns to understand them logically.

To the point she struggles to get along with her peers. As a female, she becomes singled out for her logical way of processing emotions.

It actually connects her to her father. And Chevalier, in turn, feels connected to his daughter as they share that mindset.

However, it comes as a relief to Chev that Emma loves their daughter anyway, despite her very logical mind.

He himself had always insisted he was fine on his own, and if no one understood him, so be it. But knowing his daughter would always have the support of both parents was a comfort to him.

I don't need to say this, but there was no way for their daughter to escape a love of books when she was born of two bookworms.

And it was only further ingrained when Chevalier read to her all while growing up. He read her bedtime stories only slightly less frequently than Emma did, and that was only because he was busy.

Chev is so attached to his daughter that he decides to specifically take time to teach her self-defense.

As a princess, he realizes it would be wholly inappropriate for her to walk around with a sword strapped to her waist.

But teaching her defensive maneuvers and how to wield a knife she could hide in the folds of her clothes would not be unproductive, as she is a princess of a not fully adored king.

She's terrifying as is, but to her, it's not enough.

She realizes that as a female, she is biologically weaker than males. And while she has some training, she's not foolish enough to believe she can out-power men in the way her father can.

This is why Clavis becomes her favorite uncle. He's skilled in avoiding fighting and instead using trickery, knowledge she believes would be of great benefit for her.

But that's not all. His mind just... fascinates her.

"Father... he's an idiot. A brilliant idiot, but an idiot."

"I know, my dear," he'll always say while patting her head affectionately.

In the end, Chevalier does what he can to ensure his daughter is in the running to be selected for the next king, along with his nephews who get pulled into the running.

And just as her father before her, she's determined to prove that it will be inevitable for her to ascend the throne.

Leon

When Emma tells Leon she's pregnant, Leon goes quiet.

Because he has a child on the way. He... he has a family of his own.

Not that he doesn't consider brothers his own family. He loves them like his own blood. But this is different.

He actually has blood family now.

And in the most ironic way, too. Here he was, born a slave married to a woman born a commoner. But their child—his flesh and blood—would be royalty.

When that hits him like a storm, he actually starts laughing. And he's still laughing as he swoops Emma up and spins her around.

This is truly one of the best days of his life. Not even becoming king could come close to this.

He's always wanted to help Emma with anything before. Now, it is ten times worse.

He's like a little puppy, following her around asking if she needs anything. To the point this man put Rio to shame. (Rio is torn between being embarrassed for Leon and being jealous. Waiting on Emma hand and foot was still his job!)

For the first time, Leon is genuinely thankful for being a royal. Simply because if he was a slave, he couldn't have provided for Emma and his child anywhere near as much as he could now.

His habit of slipping out of the castle becomes less common since Emma announced her pregnancy. Sariel is thrilled.

However, this is because Leon can't just whisk her away like he used to. He feels a need to be more careful with her now.

Though Emma doesn't appreciate being treated like a doll, she doesn't speak up because she's actually happy Leon has settled down a bit.

Leon only grows more excited the more Emma progresses. He loves being able to hold a hand over her swollen stomach and talk to his baby.

He tells them often how excited he is for them to come into the world. How he'll protect them and love them dearly.

When she goes into labor, he's of course very anxious.

He plays it off, pretending that he's not worried and she'll be fine.

Which, he knows she likely will be, but he can't help but worry, anyway.

Jin is there to help calm him down and take his mind off things. As is Yves and Licht.

They hold a little party in the office, trying to distract Leon as long as they can.

But that only goes on for so long before Jin catches on that Leon isn't enjoying himself.

From there, it's the job of the oldest brother to reassure him.

When Leon is informed he's allowed to go see his son, he gets pats on the back from his three brothers as he leaves the room.

And then runs up the stairs, cape flying behind him like a thief in the night.

When he enters the room in a hurry, he doesn't stop until he's right by Emma's side.

"No need to hurry," she teases him.

"Of course there is," he returns, crawling beside her on the bed. "I don't want to miss a second with my son."

Emma is happy to hand over the baby to Leon, because her heart melts with the beyond tender expression Leon bestows on him.

"How do you outrank both daddy and mommy, huh?" he quietly jokes to his son when the room is empty.

Although he and Emma both share a chuckle, she reaches up to swipe the tear out of his eye.

He lets her. After all, he now has a reason to be a leader that has nothing to do with a heavy burden forcefully thrust upon him.

No, now he has to be a leader because he wishes to make his son proud.

Growing up

All boys, this man has. All. Boys.

Emma wishes she could have caught a break and just had one girl. She is not that blessed.

Leon loves his kids. Adores them. They have him wrapped around their fingers.

Of course, Leon's deep love for his kids is returned ten fold. They love their dad.

But that said, this family is chaos.

Leon already is like a large child. You think his literal children are going to be any better?

And their habit of sneaking out of the palace for kicks and giggles?

Emma just takes tea into Sariel's office. "Listen. The boys are out. You can get mad all you want. I want a moment's peace."

Sariel has given up by this point, simply accepting the tea. "No. Far be it from me to allow a moment's peace to slip through my grasp."

They do get a scolding from Emma if they are out for too long, but that's it. So Leon does his best to watch the time.

He's a busy man after all. But he loves making time for his kids like this.

That said, while he's the fun dad, he's actually quite strict in his teaching.

He wants to push them, to make them grow. He's not giving them any cushy, plush prince lifestyle.

And that's not because he wants them to suffer. He wants them to become better men than he was.

He debated for a long time about if he'd tell his sons about his past.

Only after talking with his lovely, incredibly encouraging and inspiring wife did he make a decision.

Each son is told privately as they become teenagers. But Leon tells them with the purpose of both inspiring and warning them.

"A slave can become a prince, but that requires both luck and work to get there. Do not doubt a prince could become a slave should his actions allow it. So, work to become a man you can be proud of."

None of them want to disappoint their father, so they all strive to prove that Leon's ceiling was their floor.

Military commanders, ministers, king. They all want to give their lives to protecting this kingdom of roses and proving their father proud.

They also make the next Belle's job incredibly difficult, choosing between eight very capable, extremely handsome princes. (Look. Leon is canon boy, right? It's only fair that's how this goes. XD)

[the-jellicle-duelist]

do you have fresh pasta advice? specifically ravioli. I am finding a recipe now and made tortellini once before with some success but I trust you on all things food

i have advice for almost everything !

generalllyyyyyy speaking 1 cup of flour + 1 egg + 1/2 tsp of salt will get you to pasta dough. the dials you can turn are typically adding More egg yolks.

for ravioli specifically, you need to make sure you develop enough gluten. this can be accomplished in a lot of ways, but the thing to keep in mind is that the more yolks you add, the more difficult it will be to develop gluten. because yolks are primarily fat with some water. and fat inhibits gluten development.

your dough needs to be strong enough so that you can roll it Thin enough that when you lay the dough on top of itself, it has enough structural integrity it won’t rip or tear either thru pressing it together, or during cooking

pasta dough is pretty dry by design, which makes developing gluten harder. so my best advice for the mixing portion is to get your dough combined until it’s not got dry spots but isn’t smooth. cover it, and let it sit for 15-20 minutes. this will hydrate the flour and naturally develop your gluten without much need to Knead

after that time, give it a few kneads to get it smoother. you should at this point wrap it up and refrigerate it for at least an hour, but 3 or 4 is ideal. you can also make a bigger batch, and then divide it and freeze it at this point

when it comes to the rolling part, i’m assuming you’re using a machine although rolling pins will also work with this advice.

with ravioli, you will want to go a step or even two more thin than with a fresh tagliatelle or similar, because again you’re basically going to double the thickness of each raviolo at its seams and edges.

it’s going to get Really Long. so start with a small piece of dough. and run it thru the machine and get it to half of the thickness levels. fold it over a few times onto itself. and start over. here again, this is also kneading the dough, but it’s also elongating the gluten strands which builds strength. (if you bake bread at all and have done stretch and folds, this is a similar principle)

your dough should be really smooth at this point. if it’s sticking at all, you can very lightly dust some flour onto the surface of the dough. but don’t go insane. if it’s cracking or splitting, repeat the previous step. i have done this sometimes two or even three times so if it isn’t Smooth, give it another go

at this point, you’re ready to do the final rolling. on your machine, process it thru each thickness until you’re down to your last 2 (some machines have 6, 7 or even 10 levels of thickness it just depends)

if your dough lets a ton of light thru, you’re probably too thin. you want the level above. if you go to thin, you can reroll it out it will be fine

the Right thickness will be something that when you fold over on itself feels more or less like where you would stop for regular pasta. (usually this is the 2nd or 3rd to last setting depending on your machine) and then fill however you want. egg white thoroughly mixed with a small amount of water makes a good sealant (and you might have an egg white if you added yolk to your base dough.) but also water works well. if you’re dough has been kind of sticky you may not need any water at all.

a lot of this is Feel, and Intuition which is unfortunately hard to convey over a tumblr post. but hopefully this gives you some things to think about as you go forth on your ravioli adventure.

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

Everything feels so beautiful. 

Sometimes even feeling the sun on your skin after staying inside for too long feels like getting blessed. And meeting those beloved to you too.

Wc: 980

As soon as your eyes close and your head hits the pillow a small ray of sunlight tickles your sight. Looking for the source, expecting it to be an open window you are faced with the reddish tinted wood that exchanged places with the plain white walls of your bedroom. 

Looking around the old bed that squeaked with each movement was the almost totally new one that was identical to the one you used during your stays in sumeru, 

To confirm your suspicions you quickly open the wood framed windows, now looking at the multitude of people living their day to day life on the streets, the mother soothing her baby, the eremites patrolling and the small bakery that would humor your craving of your world's pastries, the owners being the nicest elderly couple and their daughter.

Breathing in the smell of cinnamon, cardamom and many sweet spices manage to peak your appetite, especially given that your dinner was an instant noodle soup and half a toast. Feeling the saliva pool behind your teeth at the thought of buttery and sweet pastries with a nice hot chocolate.

Quickly opening the door to the street you march outside, not caring that you were barefoot, even if sumeru was in the middle of a forest of sorts the worst thing would come out of it would be dirty feet but, if your memory doesn't fail you, there isn't any glass or metal shards to cut your feet with. If only your city's streets could be half as clean.

The warm air fans against your skin and white robe as you walk to the familiar bakery, by the sun and how little people were outside it must be past lunchtime. Hopefully there might still some candied nuts left from breakfast 

Rushing to the shop you speak with the employee, who seems stiff like a statue

" hello!~ Do you have any candied nuts left? The ones I always buy?-" as you keep talking the young girl didn't seen to know how to react

" i- uhm- yes-"

" Teka, why aren't you attending to the customer?" A masculine voice comes from behind, supposedly the kitchen " I'm sorry for my daughter, I don't know what got into her. What can I help yo-?" As he looks at your face he stays still for a second

" Hi, yes, I want two portions of candied nuts? I have been craving them for a while" silently nodding, the man goes inside the kitchen and five minutes later gives you a paper bag with some pieces of the desert " thanks! I left my wallet at home but please add this to my tab~ thanks!" 

Skipping down the roads to the port, the salty sea smell greeting you from your trip. The distant memories of the traveler and paimon catching and roasting fishes the first few weeks you arrived, the lantern rite and the stands of games and trinkets. Such nice memories

Sneaking under some roots and sitting down to hide in the shadow you dip your feet on the cool water and eating the warm nougat-like dessert sticking to your teeth. How kind of him, he must have made a batch just for you

Looking at the clouds lazily grouping and dissolving you feel your muscles loosen and you lean backwards, not caring to dirty the pristine white robe with dust or dirt

A heavy sigh leaves your chest, only one thought in your mind 'so I'm back'. It's a relief. The constant dread of not meeting them anymore no longer hanging on the back of your mind 

Feeling someone approaching you look at them, seeing nahida's surprised face and aether's gold eyes. Only a small smile forms on your mouth 

Aether is unsure of what to think, he should be happy that you finally appeared again, yet he can't help but shake the feeling that something is amiss

Looking over his shoulder to see you on the back of the boat as he and paimon go to Fontaine seeing you totally sprawled over the two seats sleeping with paimon cuddled up on your stomach. This certainly reminded him of the late night fishing sessions on Inazuma so he could get a polearm

" hey aether?" You mumble softly, fingers reaching for his braid and playing with the tip

" yes?"

" would you believe me if I said I returned to accompany you to Fontaine?"

He gulps, swallowing the tension forming on his throat " no. I wouldn't" he replies simply to which you only hum

A thick silence forms, each one of you focused on something different. Aether on getting there and you on the sway and bone chilling wind of the sea. 

Aether breathes in deeply before spewing something that he regrets saying as soon as he finished "I was scared you weren't going to return!"

 Paimon jumps on your stomach before being soothed to sleep and mumbling things about mora meat and chicken skewers. 

His cheeks redden, his heart anxiously beating " other than paimon you are one of the few true friends I made since losing…' aether can't bring himself to finish but you understand what he means

"I also missed it here… missed seeing such beautiful landscapes, missed chatting with such interesting people, missed spending time with such a cute traveler… I'm sorry. Really"

He stops the boat and turns to you, seriousness plastered on his face. He sticks out his pinky and looks expectantly at you

 " then make a promise with me. Promise to never disappear like that again" 

Giggling at how childish he can be you wrap your pinky around his, shaking your hands

 " I promise to never do that again " and aether smiles warmly before setting off again, even if it was only words and there is no way to confirm or make sure you stick to your words aether is content with just trusting your word