#the man needs at least two years of therapy and minimum three drinks

[johnsheppard-assshaker]

The thing is you guys aren’t wrong that John Sheppard would enjoy being a bottom, you’re just wrong about how quickly he would get through the 500 layers of repression before he’s willing to try it

[dimigex]

Healing Hands - Chapter 11 - YamaSaku

Full chapter available on A03, FF. If you like what I do, feel free to support me on ko-fi!

Sakura watched the sun rise from Yamato's apartment while stifling a yawn that threatened to unhinge her jaw. The man had fallen asleep twenty minutes ago after an evening of textbook withdrawal symptoms. Yamato had spent the night vomiting, shivering on the bathroom floor, and experiencing a state of near constant anxiety that left him unable to rest. Or, maybe the insomnia came from fear of facing his nightmares. Yamato refused to talk about them, and Sakura hadn't pushed. Not that they'd had time between the trips to the bathroom.

Even though Yamato was asleep, it wouldn't be considered restful by any stretch of the imagination. He tossed and turned on the bed, clutching the blanket to his chest like a life preserver. His pale face had grown more sunken with each bout of vomiting. Sweat dappled the man's forehead, either from the recent spell of dry heaves or his body's struggle to regulate itself. Sakura hadn't asked when Yamato ate last, but it couldn't have been recently.

Since Yamato was resting for at least a few minutes, Sakura made her way to the kitchen. She hadn't been lying when she'd said that he was going to feel worse, but some sustenance might help him fight through it. At least, it would if Yamato could keep it down. The remaining beers, a couple of questionable takeout containers, and some wilted vegetables waited in the fridge. The cabinets yielded even less: a packet of rice and three protein bars that were the flavor of honeyed cardboard.

A tin on the back of one shelf caught Sakura's eye, and she shoved the rations out of the way. Four or five packages of teas were tucked away in the corner, a thin film of dust forming on the top. Sakura snorted in amusement at the unexpected find. Somehow, the idea of a man who drank herbal tea and abused alcohol didn't connect in her mind. She scanned the ingredients until she found one that had ginger near the top. The root had natural anti-nausea properties that would help with vomiting once Yamato got it into his system.

Continuing to rummage through the kitchen, Sakura came up with a tea kettle and filled it with water. While waiting for that to heat, she cleaned up the bottle tops and dirty glasses from the previous night. Sakura retrieved the sake and cup from the living room as well, and washed the latter. She considered tipping the alcohol down the drain, but decided that it wasn't her decision to make. If Yamato was serious about getting clean, he needed to take that step himself.

The whistle of the tea kettle pulled Sakura from her thoughts. Before the sound could wake Yamato, she removed it from the heat and filled a mug with hot water. When Sakura dropped the tea sachet inside, soft green and gold unfurled in the liquid. She considered making a second cup, but wasn't sure how long Yamato would sleep. It wouldn't take long to fix one when he woke, so she waited for hers to be ready and carried it to the living room.

As she settled on the couch, Sakura considered the next steps. She still had to determine the full extent of Yamato's struggles. Nightmares, alcohol, and stimulants were a given, but she was fairly certain that it went deeper than that. He had opened up a little bit, but there was more work to do. Yamato would eventually need to talk to someone, after detox. They'd made it through the first twelve hours, but the next seventy-two would be harder.

Sakura had read about addiction and recovery, of course, but not in enough detail to help Yamato as much as she wanted. She would need to stop by her office and pick up some books to help them muddle through. Even without in-depth study, Sakura knew that Yamato needed a bare minimum of a week to fully detox; she couldn't put off presenting her findings to Kakashi for that long.

While telling her former mentor about Yamato's condition should be the easiest part of Sakura's job, he was close to her patient. She couldn't ignore the pained expression on Yamato's face every time that the Hokage's name came up. While Sakura doubted that Kakashi would fault Yamato for his circumstances, she didn't blame the man for wanting to save face in the eyes of an old friend. That meant Sakura would need to be creative while keeping Kakashi away long enough for Yamato to complete his detox.

After Yamato had purged the many substances from his system, Sakura would have to transition him to more traditional therapy. Ino would probably get involved at that point, or someone like her. Sakura wasn't qualified to do a full psychological exam, as much as she wished she was. Chewing on her lower lip, she wondered if Yamato would go along with that part of his treatment. If not, Sakura would be forced to explain everything to Kakashi and let him decide the next steps.

Sakura yawned again, deciding that was a problem for another day. For now, she wanted to curl up on the couch and steal a few hours of sleep. The previous night had been a blur after Yamato woke from his nightmare. The two hours that Sakura had managed before it hadn't been enough. A headache buzzed through her temples like an angry bee, insistent and growing stronger by the moment. She thought there might be a little caffeine in her tea, but it wasn't enough to hold the pain at bay. The ginger hadn't helped the sick feeling in her stomach, either.

If Sakura pushed through, she could get a jump on her plans for the rest of Yamato's treatment. Except, she couldn't leave him alone, not yet. They hadn't talked much beyond the urgency of needing the toilet to vomit or wanting a drink to wash the taste away. Thankfully, the former had grown less frequent toward morning. Yamato's body had nothing left to spend, not that it realized that yet. The dry heaves continued in an almost predictable pattern. It had been at least an hour since the last-

As if on cue, the sound drew Sakura from her stupor of half sleep. Sighing, she drained the rest of her tea and carried her empty cup to the kitchen. The water was still warm enough, so Sakura poured another for Yamato. She found him on the bed after his latest spell of trying to empty his stomach. The man cradled his head in his hand, groaning against the pain rampaging through it. When Sakura stepped into the room, Yamato blinked at her through bleary eyes. "You're still here."

Sakura hummed in agreement and held out the cup. "The ginger will help settle your stomach until I can get you something stronger."

Yamato closed his hand around the cup without looking at the murky liquid. "Something stronger?"

The beginnings of hope stirred in Yamato's voice as he lifted the tea to his lips. He paused halfway and made a face, lowering it back to his lap so quickly that some of the liquid splashed over the rim of the cup. Apparently, his body didn't like the idea of calming tea in place of the alcohol it wanted. Sakura settled on the edge of Yamato's bed. "If you level with me about the substances you've been using and the amounts, I can find something to make the detox easier. But, you have to be honest. Prescribing the wrong thing is as likely to kill you as help you."

Yamato set the cup of tea untouched on the nightstand beside him and propped himself up against the headboard. He looked worse than Sakura had ever seen with pale, sunken cheeks and bloodshot eyes. She sighed. "You're already having tremors and nausea, and they're not going to get better. In a few hours, your body will start trying to regulate itself without alcohol. Heart rate, blood pressure, and temperature will spike. You won't be able to sleep or shut down your body's hyper awareness of everything. All of that is just the alcohol detox. If there's something else—"

"I know," Yamato growled, voice rough as unpolished stones. "I told you this wasn't the first time I'd been through it."

Sensing that sarcasm would only make Yamato shut down further, Sakura held her tongue. If he already knew the hell that was detox, why was he putting his body through it a second time? She raised an eyebrow to indicate her curiosity, but remained silent. Yamato shrugged as if the words that came next were inconsequential. "I wasn't much older than you are now. Team Ro had been on a string of bad missions. I'd watched four teammates die in the course of two weeks, one of them by my command."

The words didn't match the empty expression on Yamato's face. Sakura had no idea what to say to the revelation, so she remained silent and let him finish. When the moment stretched into discomfort, he shrugged. "Kakashi pulled me back from the edge, helped me through detox, and covered for me with the Sandaime."

Understanding bloomed in Sakura's chest, followed swiftly by pity. "That's why you don't want to tell him. You don't want him to know that it happened again."

"Something like that." Yamato closed his eyes and tipped his head against the wall. Sakura was struck by how young the man beside her looked. It was more than the casual grey t-shirt and navy sweatpants, more than the lack of armor. There was something deeper, something about the vulnerability of Yamato allowing her to see him this way. If their situations had been reversed, Sakura wasn't sure she would have let him stay.

The man continued without opening his eyes. "The last one was a month long bender that I barely remember."

As the pieces began to fall into place, Sakura realized that she didn't like the picture that was forming. "And, this time?"

Yamato sighed, soft and reluctant. "The better part of two years with varying degrees."

Sakura fought to keep the surprise from reaching her face, but it didn't matter. Yamato didn't look at her; he kept his eyes shut as he made the confession. Her stomach sank. The man had been completing S-rank missions for two years while his life fell apart around him. The timeframe bothered her, but she couldn't put her finger on why.

Yamato cracked one eye open, gauging Sakura's reaction. "I used soldier pills to keep from sleeping for days at a time. When I crashed, I still had nightmares, so I drank until I passed out. It was functional."

"Functional," Sakura repeated. Her mind reeled at the word. "Functional right up to the point that you gave yourself a heart attack? How many were you using?"

To Yamato's credit, he didn't flinch away. "Enough to get the job done. One or two at first, a handful more recently."

Sakura sat stupefied, trying to understand how a man who she knew to be intelligent and conscientious could think that taking a handful of pills was a good idea. A single soldier pill was potent enough to keep a shinobi on their feet for two days before their body succumbed to exhaustion. Sakura couldn't begin to imagine the damage that five or more of the tablets could do. Except, she could. The evidence had been staring at her in Yamato's elevated blood pressure and heart rate, in his moodiness and inability to sleep. Nausea tightened its grip on her stomach.

Forcing out a breath, Sakura inclined her head. She didn't trust herself to thank Yamato for sharing that information, not yet. Wanting to confirm a theory that had been brewing in her mind, Sakura reached out and caught Yamato's wrist. He flinched back, but he didn't pull away. Nodding to herself, Sakura pressed her fingers against the man's pulse point and counted the beats. She frowned at the number. "You didn't have time to regulate your heartbeat that time, did you?"

Yamato exhaled an almost laugh that neither confirmed nor denied Sakura's theory. The rapid rise and fall of the man's heart rate during his stress test suddenly made more sense. Sakura wanted to hit him, to pummel him for using Anbu tricks to mess up her results, but she linked her fingers together and counted to five under her breath. She stifled the fear that he'd taught the trick to anyone else. One problem at a time. "Are you taking anything else?"

For a moment, Yamato considered the question. Sakura braced herself for another revelation, but he shook his head. "No, nothing else."

"Good." Sakura nodded and pushed to her feet. "Here's what we're going to do. If you're serious about getting better, you're going to dump out the rest of your alcohol, then turn over the soldier pills you have left."

Something dark flitted through Yamato's eyes, but after a moment, it passed. Struggling to his feet, he stumbled toward the dresser. Yamato opened one of the drawers, lifted out a pouch of pills, and dropped them into Sakura's palm. He slid another bag from a second drawer, then retrieved more from the backpack that leaned against the wall. Sakura followed the man to the bathroom where a package nestled in a corner of the medicine cabinet. The final bag hid on a high shelf in the kitchen.

Sakura didn't comment on the number of pills that Yamato had secreted around his apartment. It wouldn't help anything. Getting rid of the tablets seemed to give the man enough sense of purpose to hold the nausea at bay for a time. He paused by the bottle of sake that Sakura had moved to the counter. She waited in silence, letting him wrap his head around throwing out the alcohol that had been his comfort less than twenty-four hours before.

Yamato spun the top off of the bottle and tipped it over the sink. The liquid splashed into the drain, it's unmistakable scent flavoring the air. He lingered after the alcohol disappeared then sighed and emptied the beers in rapid succession. "Okay, now what?"

"Now," Sakura answered, turning the tap on to wash away the sticky residue of alcohol, "you're going to go take a shower, if you feel up to it. I'm going to the hospital to get a few things taken care of, then I'll be back to help see you through the worst of this."

Yamato let the counter take the majority of his weight as he turned to Sakura. "I'll be fine if you—"

"I'll be back in two hours at the most," Sakura interrupted. Yamato's lips pressed into a line that could have been annoyance or thankfulness as he nodded. "Try to sleep if you can, or do something to take your mind off things. I'll be back soon."

(the rest of the chapter is available on Archive of Our Own and Fanfiction.net (linked above))

[jswdmb1]

Identical

I don't just know you, I've grown like that too...

If I don't dislike you, I'm withdrawn, unrighteous too...

I’m no prophet, I'm your friend

Take my advice, make your mistakes”

- Phoenix

Every four years, the PBS series “Frontline” presents an episode called “The Choice”.  It presents the two candidates running in that particular presidential election.  But, it is not a show about the current campaign, policy issues or even the politics behind the particular candidates.  It is instead a personal biography of each candidate up to the point of the current election told chronologically.  The show portrays each individual’s story back and forth as the years go on that allow the viewer to both understand the people behind the front their campaigns present, but also provides a unique opportunity to compare and contrast the two candidates.  I have watched this particular episode of Frontline in every presidential election dating back to 2000, and I find it to consistently be the single best source of information for me to decide (or confirm) which candidate I am to support in that year’s election.

I was going to pass on this year’s version as I didn’t think there was anything I could learn about either man, and my choice is already made, but I watched anyway.  I have to admit that I was surprised to pick up nuggets of information that were new to me such as that Joe Biden’s first wife and daughter were killed six weeks after his election to the Senate for the first time, or that Donald Trump’s mother fell ill when he was very small and was effectively absent for his nurturing years.  Those are facts that seemingly are unimportant when weighing which man to support in a presidential election, but I think we have all found out in the last four years that an individual’s personality, temperament, and morality are just as important as their stance on any issue or their knowledge of the inner workings of government.  In the example of this year’s election, it finally crystallized the stark difference between Joe Biden and Donald Trump that has made my decision for whom to vote so easy.

Let’s start with the challenger Biden.  If there are two things that are clear about Joe, it is 1) he makes a lot of mistakes, and 2) he has overcome quite a bit of adversity of the years whether they are of his own doing or not.  You can watch the show to see the examples of both, but Biden’s approach to problems in his life has been remarkably consistent.  First, he acknowledges the problem exists and that he has responsibility to address it.  Next, if it was a problem of his own doing, he owns up to it.  Often times, he does this quite clumsily and occasionally makes things worse, but he does, at a minimum, take responsibility.  Finally, once it is out there, he puts his head down and gets to work with an amazing ability to ignore the long odds that he may face or the chirping he hears in the background about how badly he messed up and/or how he will never make it right.  He simply has a fundamental belief that humans make mistakes and he is no exception to that rule.  At times, it would be refreshing if he demonstrated better that he learns from some of these mistakes so as not to repeat them, but there is at least a good faith effort even if the execution at times is mediocre.

There is no need to go into detail how Trump behaves whenever he is faced with a problem and it is well documented that he never admits to making a mistake (and likely doesn’t even believe he has ever made one).  There are daily examples of this behavior and running through the list at this point is massively unappealing.  What I do find interesting is why he is this way.  The show goes into great detail about the influence three men have had on his life. The first is his father Fred.  We all know his background and his ruthlessness in business and within his personal relationships and this was applied to each of his sons.  The first, Fred Jr., bristled at the notion of going into the family business, and became an airline pilot instead (a decision for which both father and brother Donald would mock him mercilessly and drove him to alcoholism and an early death).  Fred Sr. then set his sights on son #2 who was more than willing to take up the cause.  After a stint in military school that hardened his outlook on life and reduced what little emotional capacity he had, he moved into his father’s footsteps and practiced the approach that personal gain is everything and little else matters.

The second man was a lawyer named Roy Cohn.  Cohn rose to fame in the 1950s as Joseph McCarthy’s hatchet man in the blacklisting of innocent American citizens for unfounded (and mostly false) accusations of communism.  Despite the shame eventually brought upon him for that role, he rose to become one of the most powerful attorneys in New York.  A client of his was a young Donald Trump and Cohn taught him three things that helped him rise from the ashes: 1) deny anything that makes you look bad as even having happened 2) attack those that bring these things up and deflect the blame elsewhere, and 3) never take responsibility for your actions unless there is a transactional gain that serves you.  This has been Donald Trump’s blueprint his entire life and it can be found in his business, his marriages, and certainly his presidency.  He literally has never operated in a manner that is different in any aspect of his life, so the fact that this has come through during his time in the White House should be surprising to no one who witnessed him before his election.

The final man was the Rev. Norman Vincent Peale who was the pastor at the church Donald Trump attended for over 50 years.  Peale’s claim-to-fame was the publishing of a book The Power of Positive Thinking and the Trumps followed it like their bible.  Boiled down, the main tenant of the book was that one must think positively at all costs and negative thoughts must be barred from the mind or success cannot be achieved.  That seems okay on the surface, but it becomes a problem when situations require more effort than simply a good thought and a wish that it goes away.  This clearly explains Trump’s complete inability to handle the COVID-19 pandemic.  Even though he obviously intellectually understood the severity and danger of the virus from his recordings on the Woodward tapes, this brainwashing of Peale on the Trump family made it impossible for Donald to acknowledge that the problem existing in any way.  When combined with Cohn’s teachings on taking no responsibility and Fred Sr.’s example of bulldozing past anyone who disagrees with you (like a scientist or doctor), the end result of his response makes a lot of sense.  It’s why even when catching the disease himself, he views it as a positive event that only he could dream up.

I do find it curious that I spent three long paragraphs on Trump with only one brief paragraph on Biden, but that meshes with each approach they have on the basic issues of life as a human being which is confronting adversity and accepting that we do make mistakes.  Biden’s approach is simple and to the point, sometimes to a fault.  Trump has this complicated troika of mad men’s teachings running through his head when problems come up and it is no wonder he is paralyzed with inaction when it comes time to do something about it.  For me, this is the defining trait between the two men that seems to tower over everything else about them personally or this election in general.  The question then is what do we do with this information.

I’m certain it is obvious which way I am going to go, but it may surprise you why.  You see, I have struggled myself with some of these same issues that each man has faced.  Up until a few years ago, I actually would describe myself as really being more Trump-like in my approach to life than I really care to admit.  I rarely acknowledged I was wrong and often blamed others for problems that were within and could only be solved by the guy responsible for them in the first place – me.  This attitude prevented me from seeing what was the real root of my unhappiness and depression and did not allow for me to acknowledge that my drinking and moderate drug use had become a problem.  It wasn’t until everything broke down and I ended up in an intense six-week program of therapy and deep soul searching that I discovered that mistakes we make are what builds us up and not what tears us down.  Granted, we need to learn from those mistakes to become better people and achieve great things, but admitting responsibility is the only path to doing either of those things.  I know now after a few years that I will never get things totally right, but I can get up each day and at least try to improve on the one before.  At a minimum, I strive to not make things worse, and it all gives me strength to fight whatever demons I have head on.  It’s a trial-and-error approach for sure, but I don’t see how it can be done any other way.

And given where things are at now, I don’t see how any other approach can help us overcome the enormous problems we face at this time whether it be COVID-19, or the economy, or global warming, or any other massive threat we face right now.  There is no amount of positive thinking that will help us overcome any one of these things and clearly wishing the problems away (or denying they even exist) is not going to work.  We need someone who understands this and there is no doubt the current president has no ability to do so.  Joe Biden may not be perfect, and he is not going to get us all of the way there on likely any one thing, but we have to start somewhere.  And, if there is one thing that he is good at, it is looking at a big hill, putting his head down, and climbing up.  It’s not pretty, and it isn’t the easy thing to do, but it is what we need right now more than anything.  

That is a tough pill to swallow for many Americans who think their freedom is a birthright that requires no effort, but that fantasy has been squashed.  In three weeks, the choice is clear about what needs to be done and the decision is up to you: are you going to acknowledge fault and accept responsibility for our collective actions that have led us to this point and vote for Joe, or are you going to give Trump another four years by simply wishing that all our problems away (spoiler alert – they don’t)?  The politically correct thing to say at this point is that either way you decide please make sure you vote, but I cannot apply that here.  The stakes are too high and the path is too obvious – either vote for Joe or don’t vote at all.  That second option may be tough for some people to take, but consider it your first step on a long road to recovery and redemption not just for yourself but our nation.

Good luck, everyone, we are going to need it.

-        Jim

[let-it-raines]

Rising from the Ashes (5/?)

Summary: When her husband died, Emma wasn’t sure that she could ever move on. He left her with a broken heart and a baby who was only three-months old. It’s enough to take most people down, to make them not want to keep going, but Emma Swan isn’t most people. She’s stronger than she has any right to be. And after years of heartache, she’s found ways to move on…one of those being in Neal’s best friend, Killian Jones. As she’s always known, however, things are more complicated than they ever seem to be. 

Rating: Mature

A/N: You guys go into each chapter of this story with fear and excitement, and I really love that...it’s exactly how I go into writing each chapter! 

Double “-/-” around the flashback!

AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Tag List: @artistic-writer​ @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @resident-of-storybrooke  @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @teamhook @ekr032-blog-blog @mayquita @bmbbcs4evr @wellhellotragic @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @onceuponaprincessworld @shady-swan-jones @snowbellewells @snow-into-ash @andiirivera @mariakov81 @thejollyroger-writer @shireness-says @kristi555 @facesiousbutton82 @superchocovian

“Morning, Ems,” Neal greets her, yawning the slightest bit as he muddles around the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot she made about thirty minutes ago. She’s surprised there’s any left. She’s had two large cups after not getting any sleep last night. She’s been trying not to get back into drinking a lot of caffeine ever since she found out she was pregnant with Ada, having avoided it altogether for at least eleven months, and she’s trying to keep from getting back into her bad habits, especially when she’s still breastfeeding.

With how little she sleeps lately, the coffee has been calling her name.

Not literally. She hasn’t quite lost her mind yet, surprisingly enough.

“Morning,” she mumbles, taking a sip of her own drink while she finishes off some emails from work. They may have allowed her to take the rest of the semester off, keeping on her replacement from her maternity leave last semester, but she didn’t want to let all of the students she’s been working with for the past two years to not have her help applying to colleges when she’s been the one working with them and helping them every day. It also gives her something to do besides spend her time trying to calm her racing mind down or talking to a five-month-old. There’s only so much Ada can coo back. “How’d you sleep?”

“Okay. It’s taking some getting used to, but you know I’ve always had issues trying to get comfortable at night.” “Yeah, you have. We can buy you a mattress topper or a new bedspread or something if it’ll make you more comfortable. That’s not the best bed. It’s Killian’s old one from a million years ago, so if you let me know, I can take you to Target or something.”

Neal hums while he walks toward her and settles down across from her at the kitchen table. “What are you doing?” “Working. Ada’s morning nap is pretty much my only free time during the day, so I like to get a little done. What time is your therapy?”

“One. Why?”

She closes her laptop and looks up at him. He’s been here for two weeks, and it’s still just so damn weird looking at him. He looks so different, but sometimes when he smiles, she gets flashes of the man he once was before he left. “I can drop you off if you want. I know you’ve been taking an Uber, which cool, right? So much better than having to call a cab like we used to have to do. But I figured I could take you on my way to take Ada to the park and then after we can get Henry from school so he doesn’t have to stay late with Marg.”

Neal’s eyes light up, the excitement obvious in them, and she smiles to herself. His first meeting with Henry was a disaster, and she’s still kind of (extremely) pissed over what he said to her and Killian in the heat of the moment, but Neal has been so excited about spending time with Henry that she can’t help but forgive him a little bit. He was obviously just in shock and probably a little angry. She can’t blame him, not really, not with everything he’s been through and what exactly he came home to. It’d be hard for anyone to find out the world you thought you knew wasn’t at all what you thought.

He could have chilled out a bit, but Neal has never been one to control his emotions well.

She’s upset, but she’s not mad. It’s weird, and she’s stopped trying to explain it to herself. She really will go crazy if she keeps trying to make sense of everything.

She hopes Neal’s getting through a lot during his therapy sessions, even if he’s only been to two sessions since leaving the hospital, but hopefully he’ll keep going to all of his appointments and get to at least attempt to come to terms with everything. She doesn’t know how, but she hopes that he will. For him, for Henry, for everyone.

And they’re not exactly talking about anything at home. It’s like there’s a giant elephant in every room of the house, and she, Killian, and Neal are all ignoring it while Henry runs around like she’s just given him free reign at Disney World.

It’s probably unhealthy, but it’s easier for her right now. And honestly, she’s tired. She’s tired of Killian skirting around her and only showing her the minimum amount of affection, and she’s tired of Neal always looking at her with these longing eyes before he goes back to the iPhone he’s trying to learn how to use ever since Killian took him to Verizon last week. Yeah, they have some shit to figure out, but she can’t stop her life anymore to make this her sole focus. Maybe she should be more sympathetic to the both of them, but honestly, to her, she’s not in some kind of tragic love triangle. She’s just not. Even if she was in love with Neal a long time ago, she can’t just fall back in love with him now. Doesn’t mean things aren’t complicated, and while she was freaking out (how could she not be?) at first, she’s not anymore.

Okay, so a part of her is definitely still freaking out. But it’s a lesser part than last week.

Weirdly, while she thought having Neal at home would make things worse, it’s helped. It’s helped her to look at things as a one step at a time kind of deal. It’s made things more real without all of these thoughts and theories running around in her head. It’s actually made her calmer no matter how weird it is to have a man she thought was dead in her home. He’s similar to how he was, but he’s definitely more different than anything.

Thinking about what he must have been through breaks her heart, and sometimes she needs a moment to herself to collect her sob, take a deep breath, and be the person she has to be now. What’s that commercial about parents not being able to take a sick day? It’s for Tylenol or something. She’s not sure, but she understands it now even more than she did when she was alone with a one-month-old baby with no idea what she was doing until Ruth finally came to stay with her for awhile.

Normalcy is all she wants right now. She’s got to get everything back to normal.

Neal didn’t even know how to work a smart phone which makes sense but was still shocking in a way, especially since she remembers him having a Blackberry a million years ago. He’s doing well learning, though. He’s successfully used Uber several times to go to therapy and then out to eat on his own.

And she thinks his focus is all on adjusting back into a normal rhythm and getting to know Henry, so that’s really good. She wants Henry to know him and to be happy with having his dad back in his life as a normal, everyday thing. Neal’s going back to work after Thanksgiving too. She finds that a bit ironic. She took an entire semester off because of everything, and Neal’s diving right back into things.

Good for him. He should get the normalcy if that’s what he wants. She may never get back to the normalcy she’s trying to achieve, but Neal deserves it after everything. He’s doing so well when some of the worst things imaginable have been happening to him for so long. She can’t quite get over any of that.

“Yeah? We could pick up Henry?”

“Sure. I was thinking it’d probably be good for you to get to see his school, and he’s always the most chatty right after a day since he’s been hoarding all of this information all day so he can talk about it at home. And, like, I totally don’t want you to buy his love or anything, but the kid loves ice cream. There’s a shop just around the corner from the school.”

“Ice cream in November?”

She shrugs. “He’s got my sweet tooth.”

“I can see that.”

“So, um, yeah,” she sighs, scooting back in her chair and taking her glasses off of her face and placing them on her laptop, “we’ll do that. I’m going to go get ready and feed Ada when she wakes up. Help yourself to anything, as you know. I’m going to go grocery shopping tomorrow, so if there’s something you want, put it on the list on the fridge, okay?”

“Will do, Ems.”

She nods her head, not having anything else to say, before walking upstairs and heading into her room, closing the door so that she can take a shower. She really should have done that earlier, but this morning was so hectic. She got Henry ready for school on her own because Killian had to be at work at six for the damn monthly conference he has to do once a month, which seems to always fall on the day where Ada decides to have some kind of meltdown. But it’s all fine now. She got Henry in Mary Margaret’s car, and Ada eventually stopped crying once she ate and got another bath despite the one she had last night.

Kids are hard. Really damn hard.

Her shower is soothing though, the water washing away a lot of her stress as she adjusts the shower head and lets the water pound into her back instead of gently washing her off. Even though she doesn’t really have the time, she takes it to deep condition her hair, knowing how dry it’s been lately, and she actually shaves her legs. All of the way up and not just up to her knees or up to where her leggings show her skin when she’s running errands. She’s been in a relationship for a long time, so while shaving doesn’t always get done, it does get done more often than it has been lately.

It’d probably help if she was actually sleeping with Killian. That would get her to shave more often, but they pretty much fall asleep after making sure they’ve talked about their schedules for the next day. And they pretty much always fall asleep on opposite sides of the bed. Sometimes they drift together in the middle of the night, and she craves those nights and the warmth of Killian’s body wrapped around hers, but that hasn’t really been happening.

Okay, so yeah, her relationship is having some issues that she should probably think about and talk about some more, but she’s just letting Killian work through whatever it is that’s going through his mind. She tries to talk to him about it sometimes, but for once, he’s not feeling like opening up to her. He’s just not. He feels things so deeply all the time, usually more than any person she’s ever known, and while he has gotten good about sharing with her, sometimes he reverts back to how he used to be and keeps it all to himself.

She hates that.

If anything, she thinks that’s what’s freaking her out the most about Killian lately, not about her life as a whole. Killian has always been there for her, always, and even though he’s right here with her, sometimes he feels so far away. He’s not supposed to feel this far away.

-/-

-/-

“Sweetie,” Mary Margaret calls, and David immediately walks over to her from where he was talking to Killian over by the grill, “will you please go check on the boys?”

“The burgers might burn if I leave them.”

“Killian can watch them. So can we. We all know how to cook.”

“Emma doesn’t.”

“Hey,” she protests, shaking her head from side to side while sipping on her lemonade, “I can. I may not be, like a professional chef, but I can cook a decent meal. I have a six-year-old who I feed on a daily basis.”

“I cook a lot of our meals, love.”

“Hush,” she laughs, rolling her eyes at Killian and the stupid smirk he has on his face. “I cook all of the time, and I really feel like you guys shouldn’t be making fun of me when I provided the desserts for today.”

“Didn’t we bring ice cream?”

“Yes, but I paid for it.” “That’s not the same, Swan.”

She turns back to Mary Margaret who’s looking at her with a face full of amusement. “I think he wants to sleep on the couch tonight. I really do, and he hates the couch. Just last night after Henry went to bed we were fooling – ”

“And I’m going upstairs to check to make sure our children have all of their limbs still intact. I don’t need to hear about whatever it is you were just about to say.” “So immature.” “You are my little sister. I don’t need to think about what you do with Killian.”

“I can spell it out for you if I need to. It’s really short. Just three letters. Or four depending on how crude you want to get.” “Going upstairs now,” David says a bit too loudly while his cheeks flush red. He walks away toward the staircase, shaking his head back and forth, and she feels a little rush of pride making him embarrassed, especially since they’ve always had more of a friendly relationship than sibling. He was already out of the house and married when Ruth adopted her, so it’s not like he was around watching her go on dates. He was later, but not when he’s supposed to have been forming all of those protective older brother vibes. “Jones, don’t burn my burgers.”

“I’ll try not to, but I’m awfully distracted by your sister’s buns.”

Laughter rumbles through her stomach while her lips stretch into smile, one that makes her entire face hurt. She both can and can’t believe Killian just said that, and the blush on her cheeks probably matches the blush on David’s. Killian moves his brows across his forehead before winking at her, and it only makes her giggle more.

“I hate the both of you.”

“But I love you, Dave,” Killian calls out, blowing a kiss toward the staircase. “You too, Swan. Just to make that clear. You and your buns are my favorite if I had to pick a member of the family.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she laughs, covering her mouth with her hand. “But I’m glad to know you love me and my ass more than you love my brother.” “It’s a good ass.”

“You are such a horrible flirt.” “No, no. I am a wonderful flirt. How else could I make hamburgers and hot dogs dirty and charming?”

“Well, the hot dog jokes are super obvious, just fyi,” she laughs, calming down enough that she can take another sip of her lemonade. “And the buns are too, but I applaud your attempts, babe. Maybe something will come from it later.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely. You’ll get to eat – ”

“Okay,” Mary Margaret interrupts them, “you guys can stop with the dirty jokes there. I don’t need to know anymore.”

“I was literally just going to say that he’ll get to eat the food he’s cooking. Where did you – oh my God, Marg, no,” she giggles, reaching up to flip her hair over her shoulder. “I’m not going to say that when you’re standing right there.”

“With the way that you two are, can you blame me for stopping you?”

“Yes.”

“Absolutely.”

“It’s like you guys are teenagers,” she sighs, shaking her head back and forth. “I’m going to go see what David and the boys are up to. You guys can continue to flirt out here. Just remember that we have neighbors.” “I promise that I’ll give them a show.”

Mary Margaret just sighs again, sliding open the door and walking inside, leaving just she and Killian out there. She’s not about to put on whatever show Killian was talking about, but she won’t pass up an opportunity to flirt with her boyfriend when he’s in such a good mood. He’s usually pretty reserved or more clever with his innuendos because of Henry, but when Henry’s not around, well, that’s another story.

Walking over to him, she wraps her arm around his waist and sticks her hand in the back of his pant’s pocket. It’s July, the sun shining down on them hotter than it has all year, but he refuses to wear shorts. He’s got a lot of quirks, but the short thing is definitely on up there, especially because he’ll walk around the house in this awful pair of plaid boxers that seem to keep popping up no matter how many times she hides them.

Maybe she just needs to throw them out, but honestly, he might break up with her if he finds out about that. He really loves those boxers.

Possibly more than he loves her.

“I was lying earlier when I told Mary Margaret I was simply going to say you could eat hamburgers and hot dogs. I say we let Henry run around in the yard a lot and then you and I get a lot of alone time tonight.” “Aye, I know.”

“What?” She slaps his chest before he starts moving the burgers onto the sheet pan. “How did you know?”

“You flipped your hair behind your shoulders.” “Right, forgot that you’re weird and know my supposed tells.” “It’s not weird, sweetheart,” he says as he gets the rest of the burgers off the grill and turns the gas off. “You can do the same to me. It’s what happens when you spend every day talking to the same person.” “Not sure if that’s a compliment or a complaint.”

Once Killian closes the hood on the grill, he turns toward her and places his hands on her shoulders before brushing his lips over her forehead, her eyes fluttering closed in response. “I think it’s more just being grateful that I get to spend my life with you. I don’t know another woman who would stand out here and let me make innuendos involving food in front of her family.” “This is true,” she admits, smiling up at him and wishing he didn’t have on sunglasses so she can see the blue in his eyes, even if his sunglasses are kind of hot. “I’m pretty much the cream of the crop, and I deserve to be appreciated every day.” “And you’re also humble. Can’t forget to appreciate that.”

“Exactly.”

She presses up on her toes to quickly slide her lips over his, just a few short pecks over and over again until she hears the sliding glass door open.

“Daddy,” Henry calls out, “I’m hungry, and Uncle David told me to ask you when we can eat.”

“Right after you wash your hands. Have you done that?”

“Yes.” “Have you really?”

“No,” Henry admits, hanging his head a little bit.

“Then I suggest that you go wash them, okay?”

“Okay,” Henry nods his head before stepping back inside where she knows he probably will do it simply because Killian told him to. He’s going through a phase where everything Killian tells him is basically gold whereas she’s pretty much useless in getting him to do anything.

“How’d you know he was lying? Does he have a tell too?”

Killian shrugs, moving his hands off of her shoulders and turning to grab the pan of burgers. “He’s a kid, darling. He doesn’t like washing his hands or brushing his teeth. No one needs your superpower to figure that out.”

“My superpower is pretty cool though, right?”

“It’s amazing until I’m trying to surprise you, and I have to pull off a covert mission just to buy you a necklace for our anniversary.”

She reaches up to grab the necklace that’s around her neck, feeling the circular diamond pendant that she wears every day without fail. “I’m glad that you did pull off this particular covert mission.”

“Me too, love. Let’s go eat before your brother thinks that I’m actually burning his burgers.”

“The audacity.”

-/-

-/-

She shakes off the thoughts of she and Killian and finishes her shower before turning the water off and drying herself before pulling on her robe and wrapping her hair in the towel. Getting ready quickly has pretty much become something she’s an expert in, so she quickly brushes her teeth again in an attempt to get rid of the taste of coffee that’s lingering before she puts her moisturizer on her face, smoothing it into her skin. She looks down at her jewelry tray, the one that stays on her bathroom vanity, and she picks up her necklace and clasps it around her neck, leaving her wedding ring there.

There’s noise on the baby monitor, the beginnings of a wail, and she knows that Ada’s going to cry before she even gets in there. And even though it still breaks her heart every single time her baby is upset, she lets her wail a little bit while pulling on her leggings and pullover, figuring that she’s just going to walk the path at the park anyways. There’s no need for her to put on jeans or anything nice.

It’s still a little weird for her not to be working and not having to get ready in something that’s school appropriate, but she can’t say she hates not having to wear pants with buttons and zippers. After she’s got her shoes on, she finally heads into Ada’s room, feeding her and changing her, making sure she’s got on clothes warm enough for the chill outside, before grabbing her diaper bag and heading downstairs where Neal is already waiting at the door.

“You ready to go?”

“Yep. Just waiting on you.”

The drive to Neal’s therapist’s office is only fifteen minutes, so they don’t talk much. One of the things she’s noticed is that he’s much quieter than he used to be, at least when he’s at home with everyone. When he’s with just her, things are usually a bit more comfortable. She’s not sure if maybe he’s just pissed at Killian or if he’s simply more comfortable being with her. If anything, she figured he’d be pissed at her for moving on. Realistically, she knows that she did nothing wrong, but guilt is a powerful thing. And Neal feeling like he doesn’t have a family…she’s not going to let that happen. She’s going to figure out how to let him be happy with Henry without all of the lingering hostility she can feel when they’re eating dinner or watching television at night.

“So I’ll pick you up around two thirty, and we’ll go pick Henry up, okay?”

Neal nods his head before getting out of the car, giving her a wave and a smile before she’s driving off.

It’s a beautiful fall day out, and the lake at the park glistens under the sunlight while the fallen leaves scatter the concrete path she’s walking with Ada. Right after Ada was born, Emma joined a walking group with several other mom’s, but after about three sessions and thirty judgmental looks for being unmarried, she quit going to them. As much as she’d like to have friends with kids the same age as hers, sometimes it’s just not worth the effort. Or the judgment. And she doesn’t want to be friends with anyone who’s going to judge her anyways.

You just have to do things that bring you joy.

Marie Kondo it.

She literally hoards onto everything, so Marie Kondo probably isn’t the best example for her. She may be more like Hoarders whereas Killian is Marie.

Her phone rings in her pullover pocket, and she grabs it, sliding her fingers across the screen when Killian’s face pops up.

“Hey, babe,” she greets while maneuvering the stroller away from a dip in the pavement.

“Hey, love. How are you? How was this morning? I’m sorry I had to leave early.” “I mean, I’m fine. This morning was a disaster. I think Ada could sense my fear of doing things alone, so she was a little monster. And Henry was dragging. But we made it. I’m at the park with Ada now so we can get some exercise and fresh air. What about you? You at lunch now?”

“Yeah,” he sighs, clicking his tongue while she hears voices in the background. “It’s been pretty hectic around here. We had some stuff I can’t tell you about happen, and it’s pretty much been an entire day in the conference room. I offered to go out and get lunch simply so I could call and check up on you.” “That’s sweet, and I’m sorry. I know you hate working in the conference room instead of your office.” “The blasted chairs alone.”

“Such an old man.” Ada makes a noise, and Emma lifts up the cover to make sure that she’s okay. She is, just playing with her toy, and Emma covers her back up with the shade. “Hey, so I dropped Neal off at his therapy, and I’m going to take him to Henry’s school so he can see a bit more about him. Then I was thinking we’d take him to Freeze Frame down the street. I’m guessing you’re too busy to get off of work and join us?”

“I am, love. I’m sorry.” “It’s fine,” she promises, trying not to feel sullen about how defeated Killian sounds. “I just thought it’d be nice to ask. We’ll have to go with you on another day. I really doubt Henry will object to more ice cream.”

He chuckles into the speaker, and it’s good to hear that. She wants to hear him laugh, see him smile. She understands that he’s going through a lot right now. She is too. But it’s nice for him to sound normal.

Normal. How many times a day does she think the word normal? She should get it embroidered on a pillow or something.

“Very true. Our boy likes ice cream. Maybe this weekend I’ll take him out to do something. I’ve been trying to let him spend time with Neal, but I do miss us getting to do stuff. So maybe I can get him out and about with me.” “You know you don’t have to stop doing things with him, right? He can spend time with you both. It doesn’t have to be either or. Just this morning he was asking if you’d be home early enough for you guys to work on the swing set before everything gets too cold.” Killian mumbles something under his breath that she can’t understand. “Swan, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you at home, okay?”

“Yeah,” she sighs, something heavy settling in her stomach, “I’ll see you at home.”

She and Ada walk a few more laps before it’s time for them to go pick up Neal so that they can get Henry. Neal is waiting outside on the front steps of the office when she pulls up, and he hurriedly gets in the car, sliding into the front seat and buckling his seatbelt before he goes back to thumbing through his phone, casually talking to her and asking her about some of the places they pass along the way. She forgets that he doesn’t know Portland, that he’s never been here before, so she’s happy to show him some places to make him feel more at home.

Instead of pulling through the pick-up lane at school, she parks the car and gets out as Neal does the same. Ada’s asleep, which almost always happens after their walks, so Emma undoes her car seat and carries her inside as they make their way into Henry’s school.

“So this is a good place, huh? Neal asks, his eyes following the murals on the side of the building.

“Yeah, it’s really good. Besides Mary Margaret teaching here, one of the big factors for our move was the school district. I think Killian spent weeks investigating and calling all of the administrators. It was a little ridiculous, but it’s worth it now. Henry’s super happy here, and he’s doing great in school.” “That’s good. I think the schools back in Virginia were pretty good too.” “Yeah, they were great, but we couldn’t stay on base after...you know. And I really like living here. It’s a nice place. You can live in the suburbs and drive into the city. Plus, there are so many nice beaches under two hours away. We usually go to Boothbay in the summers.”

Neal simply hums next to her. “So you don’t plan on moving back to Virginia? That’d be closer to where I want to work. My options here are pretty limited.”

She stops her walking as the bell to indicate the first wave of students are released from school rings. Ada stirs a bit, but she stays asleep. “What are you talking about? Why would we move? We have a life here.”

“Yeah, but we were supposed to have a life there. We had it all planned out, Ems. Don’t you remember? We were going to get the bigger house with the pool? And Henry was going to go to that private school in DC? I remember us making all of those plans when you were decorating the nursery.”

“Neal,” she sighs, tightly closing her eyes to fight back the tears and the flashes of memories, “of course I remember, but we were a lot younger, me especially, and those were just dreams. And our lives have obviously not gone as planned. I understand that you’re probably trying to cling to the past. I would do the same thing, but you can’t. Isn’t that what Dr. Carter kept telling us at the hospital? That we can’t go back, so we have to try to move forward. We’re not those people anymore. We don’t have that life, so you have to adjust your dreams. Hopefully there’s one out there just as good. Maybe even better. I promise that this is a really good school, a really good place.”

He smiles, just a small twitch of his lips that makes his entire face crinkle, but he doesn’t say anything else, walking up the path to where there’s now hundreds of kids leaving the school. A shiver runs down her spine as a gust of wind blows by, but she shakes it off and catches up with Neal so she can show him where Henry’s pick-up line is.

“Momma,” Henry shouts, tugging at Mary Margaret’s cardigan until she looks up and makes eye contact with Emma.

“You can go,” Mary Margaret tells him, and he’s quickly making his way over to she and Neal, wrapping his arms around her waist first.

“Hey, kid,” she sighs, kissing the top of his head. “Why don’t you talk to your dad about your day for a bit while I talk to Mary Margaret?”

“Okay,” he sighs, pulling back from her before he’s turning to Neal and chatting almost as quickly as he can. She’s glad that he’s gotten a lot of his pep back. He was far too quiet when everything happened at first, and that absolutely flooded her with worry. She’s pretty sure he was just reflecting how she and Killian were, and that was not okay with her. She can’t let all of the conflict and confusion get to him.

“Hey, Marg,” she greets when she gets to her, placing Ada’s carrier on the ground and taking her out of it now that she’s woken up. “How are you?”

“Tired,” she complains, checking off two more kids to go home. “The VP observed class today, and he watched mine just after lunch.” “So when they’re the worst?”

“Exactly. I thought I was going to – ”

“Mrs. Nolan, my grandma is here.” “Okay Amanda, you can go. Don’t forget your science project tomorrow.” “I won’t.”

“She will,” Mary Margaret sighs, reaching over and squeezing Ada’s arm. “God, I miss when Leo was this tiny. I mean, I get so much more sleep now, but there’s nothing like those baby stages.”

“For someone who’s exhausted, you’re asking for more exhaustion.” She laughs. “I’m too old to have more kids, but I can admire my precious niece.” Mary Margaret’s eyes dart away from her students and turn toward where Henry and Neal are. “So how’s that going? I need to come over and talk one day because I feel like David and I haven’t helped nearly enough, especially after that first day.”

“The first day was the worst, but it’s gotten better. Things are still hard, obviously, but they’re getting better, I think. Neal’s pretty quiet. Killian is even quieter. I honestly think they’ve got some kind of macho man contest going on, and it’s driving me insane.” “So they’re both feeling territorial?” “I think so, and I get it, but I also don’t get it, you know? Yeah, things are messed up, but I’m my own person and neither of them have rights to me. It’s taken me a minute to understand that, because I’ve always felt some kind of obligation to Neal, but – ”

“Well don’t you?” “Don’t I what?”

“Have an obligation to him? He’s your husband. You made a commitment to him.”

She tries to keep the anger bubbling under her skin to a minimum. She really does. They’re around kids, and this was supposed to be a quick conversation while Mary Margaret is doing drop off, and she’s still got Ada in her arms.

“Marg, I love you. I really do, but you and David are entirely different than any relationship I’ve ever had. Yes, I made a commitment to Neal once upon a time, but that doesn’t mean I owe him anything, even if I’ve felt that way before. I just…I just want him to get to know Henry and to be happy in this second chance at life that he’s getting. That’s all I want.”

She also signed those papers, which she still hasn’t told Neal about. Honestly, she needs to meet with a lawyer at some point and get her shit figured out. And tell Neal they’re not married anymore. That should…she should probably do that.

She really doesn’t want to do that.

“So you don’t – ”

“No. I think I may break his heart, but I’ll always be here for him, you know? To help him get his life back, to make up for the time he’s lost. There’s so much that’s happened, none of it that’s his fault, but I can’t snap back to how things were. I don’t want to. I think I’m just trying to hold everything together and make sure Henry isn’t overwhelmed. He’s still doing okay in school?”

“Yeah, he’s great, hon,” Mary Margaret promises, reaching over and squeezing Emma’s shoulder. “He’s waving to you now. I think it might be time to go.” “Yeah,” she sighs, reaching down and picking up Ada’s carrier while balancing Ada in her arms, “it is. I’ll talk to you later.”

She walks back over to Neal and Henry, plastering a smile on her face and tugging Henry to her side. “Dad says we’re going to get ice cream. Is that true?”

“Yep! We’ve got to show him the magic of Freeze Frame.” “They have sixty flavors,” Henry excitedly begins, walking toward the car, “and you can mix them. Plus they have toppings, but daddy says we can only have three toppings when we go because however much your ice cream weighs is how much it costs.”

“Tell you what, buddy, you can have as many toppings as you want. My treat.”

-/-

“Yeah, and on my fifth birthday, I had a lego cake. It was super cool, and there was a Batman on top.”

“Really? Was he made of legos too?”

“He was made of icing.” Henry takes a large spoonful of his birthday cake ice cream with far more sprinkles than any child should ever have, which is how they got onto the topic of Henry’s birthdays. “It was so cool.”

“I bet,” Neal tells him while he takes a bite of his own ice cream. “I have something else that I bet that you’ll think is cool.”

“Yeah?” Henry’s eyes light up, and she scoops up some of her remaining mango. She always claims they can’t come here much because Henry will lose his mind, but really she’s starting to think that it’s because she’ll eat it all. At least she doesn’t like sprinkles though. They’re pretty but so gross.

“Yeah. It’s super cool. I got a call today asking if I wanted to be on TV, and I told them yes. They’re going to come to our house, and you can be on TV too.”

She chokes on her ice cream, having to force the melted liquid down her throat, which only makes it worse. What the hell? Did he just say that he invited interviewers to the house? And that Henry will be on it too? They already have enough people calling and asking to talk over the phone as well as people waiting outside the house some mornings. This is the absolute last thing they need.

And he didn’t even ask. She thought he’d have the common courtesy to at least talk to she and Killian about this, but Neal has always just done things his own way. He likes to take charge. But he can’t do this. She won’t let him do this. She always let him lead in the past, but if they’re going to do this whole co-parenting thing, he has to learn how to ask. She’s not twenty-one and an unfortunate pushover anymore.

“Really? I’m going to be on TV?”

“Yeah! Isn’t that exciting?”

“Neal,” she says softly, adjusting Ada in her lap so she can’t grab Emma’s cup and dump ice cream everywhere, “we need to talk about this.”

“Oh come on, Ems, it’ll be great. They’re paying me. Said that they wanted to do a profile on how I’m adjusting back into life with my family. I figured you, me, and Henry could do it. I think it’ll be nice.”

God, he looks so excited, but she…she can’t do that. She doesn’t want her life on display, not after how it has been recently. Everywhere she goes she just gets all of these…looks. “If you want to do interviews, you can, but you can’t commit Henry to anything without asking me first. And you can’t commit me to things either.”

“But I want to do it, Mom!” Henry insists, looking over at her with his eyes wide and pleading.

It’s exactly why she and Killian don’t tell Henry anything without talking about things first. And she knows that Neal is learning, that he’s really only been a dad for two weeks, but she kind of feels like this is common sense. Maybe it is or maybe she’s just been a mom for nearly a decade and knows these things.

She’s still pissed though, especially because now she’s either going to have to do the damn interview or tell Henry that he can’t, which she already knows isn’t going to go over well.

Fuck.

“Kid,” she sighs, closing her eyes for a second to give herself some composure, “I’m not saying yes. I have to think about it. We have to talk to Daddy. I know it’s exciting to be on TV, but you have to wait and see.” “But Mom,” he whines, his bottom lip jutting out, “I want to.”

“I know, but this is a grown-up decision. Why don’t you finish your ice cream before it melts?”

“Fine,” Henry grumbles, stuffing his already melting ice cream in his mouth while she stirs hers around, her appetite for the melted mango gone.

She really does not like breaking her kid’s heart, and she knows that this whole adjustment period is going to take some more…adjusting. It’s just going to take time is all. They all simply need time.

Everything will be fine.

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Besides, neem, babul as well as clove, there are an amount of critical weeds as well as natural oils that work marvels on tooth and also gum health. A mixture of Eucalyptus, clove, and also Spearmint is extremely effective in dealing with hazardous bacterial accumulation in the mouth and also a good cleaning broker.

Gum Tissue Regrowth Before After

Majuphal is a fruit product that has an exceptional astringent residential property and also it lessens over secretion of mucous. It is actually haemostatic home guarantees its own useful result on hemorrhaging gums as well as on gingivitis.

The Catechu (Khadir) skin is tremendously advantageous in the event that of tooth pain and mushy gums. Ginger oil is an astringent for teeth.

Ginger root is an extraordinary astringent wash for the teeth while lemon is an excellent whitener.

Herbodent (Orohyi) Herbal Toothpaste is a powerful formulation that makes use of the power

Handling Well With Gingivitis While Pregnant

Exactly how prevent gingivitis while pregnant? This is actually one significant issue for women who are actually assuming a little one. There is actually severe main reason why they need to become readied given that many instances reflect that the start of gingivitis merely come at such stages of becoming a mother. This short article offers you the suggestion as well as standards on exactly how to prevent gingivitis while pregnant. 

Natural Remedies For Gum Regrowth 

 Gingivitis is an oral disease and commonly a disease of the gums that encompass the teeth. This is likewise a gum disease that affects the gum tissues as well as when becomes chronic it will definitely lead to receding gums and could possibly trigger long-term damage to teeth. Micro-organisms cause the swelling of the gums as well as micro-organisms commonly attack your gums when you eat acid foods items like fruit extracts, consuming coffee, herbal tea and also alcoholic drinks. Cigarette smoking additionally might induce micro-organisms to create in your mouth. Gingivitis is incredibly popular to pregnant mommies due to inappropriate oral hygiene and also hormonal change. It typically takes place in the early stage of maternity. If you are suffering from gum disease while pregnant you may establish maternity difficulties as well as could possibly induce reduced childbirth body weight for your baby or even baby. You could also experience pre-term giving birth if you are dealing with gingivitis in your maternity stage. Often, gingivitis additionally ends after distribution of the kid and research study reveals microorganisms could generate labor to expecting girls.

Remedy For Gum Tissue Regrowth 

  Here are rules in avoiding gingivitis when you are actually expectant like oral health learning, Oral hygiene, nourishment and fluoride, transmission of micro-organisms, alleviating, existing tooth decay and also the use of certain gum. If you will definitely observe these guidelines in protecting against gingivitis in the course of your pregnancy, you will definitely have a well-balanced maternity. You will definitely certainly not worry also of the result of gingivitis in you and also in your baby. For oral health learning, you are going to be actually watched by the doctor will certainly induct guidance for deterrence of gingivitis to expecting mamas by giving resources as well as information to understand oral health care. Oral care is actually really effective avoidance for gingivitis as well as it entails brushing of teeth a minimum of two to three times a time after foods. Flossing of teeth is also successful for this condition when you are actually expectant. You could possibly also handle your existing tooth decay when you are pregnant. It risk-free to have tooth extraction when expecting and do certainly not be afraid to consult your dentist when you reside in the stage of maternity.

Is Gum Regrowth Possible? 

  Doctor could possibly additionally educate expectant females about using toothpaste along with fluoride. The greatest age of an individual to start making use of toothpaste with fluoride starts from six years old as well as have to continue using this until your pregnancy. Alcohol-free oral rinse is actually also helpful to decrease plaque that can result in dental caries. It is actually certainly not also advisable to pregnant women certainly not to discuss food and utensils to avoid micro-organisms transmission that could possibly result in dental caries. Pregnant women are actually also urged to bite gums for at least four times a time. Opt for a gum advised by your dentist and do certainly not make use of an ordinary gum that can be gotten available. There is actually a gum aimed that can lessen tooth decay.

Home Remedies For Gum Regrowth 

  Speak to your dentist and also have a normal examination to prevent gingivitis to spoil your lifestyle prior to, as well as during pregnancy. By knowing an overview to prevent gingivitis while pregnant, you will not deal with it.

[limitededitionsanderssidesblog]

Speech Impediment - Chapter 2

Sympathetic Deceit Week- Day 7: famILY

Ships: Logicality, still pining-Prinxiety, platonic DLAMP  

Summary: A little over two months have passed since Deceit has arrived at college and he still has no idea how to handle the people he calls friends. In fact he doesn’t even know how to handle his classes as he’s constantly pulled out of the shadows.

AO3 - Here

Chapter 1 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

“Now midterms are coming up in a couple weeks so you’ll all have a project due the first week of November. Each of you will write a short story on any topic of your choosing from the provided prompt list. A minimum of ten thousand words is required-” A chorus of annoyed groans followed, but were quickly talked over, “-your fault for picking the advanced class. You have one month!”

The campus bell then rang, signaling the end of third hour, Dexter’s last class for the day. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays Dexter had morning classes, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays he had afternoon classes. Today was a Thursday.

Most every student had submitted to receiving their new project, grabbed the prompt sheet, and left. Dexter and a few other were still shocked in their seats. Moving on autopilot, the snake-loving man stood from his seat and grabbed the paper before walking out. He didn't pay much attention to where his feet was taking him, but just walked in a daze of shock and dread. Eventually he wound back up in his room, Patton already there knitting a Halloween themed scarf, and collapsed face first on his mattress, letting out a loud groan.

“Heya there kiddo, you alright?” Patton questioned from his side of the room, putting down his nearly completed garment.

“Everything is wonderful!” Dexter cried.

“Oh? What happened?” The fatherly student asked and got up from his bed, sitting down by Dexter to comfort him.

“My amazing creative writing professor isn’t having us write a ten thousand word story in just a month!” He exclaimed and curled around his pillow like a danger noodle. “The best part is that I don’t have to choose from a list of prompts!” 

“Well that can’t be too bad, right? At least you have options.” Patton pointed out, being optimistic. Dexter only continued to pout and stare at his knees, still intent on seeing this as a bad thing. The art student sighed and picked up the prompt paper, reading over the different ideas.

“There’s ‘a hundred years after the apocalypse’.” He offered.

“Original and totally my style.” Dexter whined.

“How about ‘collapse of the technological age’?”

“I love dystopias.”

“’Summer vacation in a foreign land’?”

“I know everything about other countries.”

This went on for a while more as Patton listed off all of his options, but none of the sat well with him; they just weren’t his style. Dexter lived for horror and mystery, and none of these prompts gave him what he needed to do his thing. What was the point anyways? When Dexter became an author he’d write whatever he felt like, why was his teacher limiting him? 

Dexter’s complaining, and Patton’s attempts at helping, were then interrupted before they could drag on as a familiar knocking at the door told them that the rest of the gang was there. Let in by Patton, Logan, Roman, and Virgil came bustling in, rambunctious as usual.

“Hello Patton, Dexter.” Logan greeted, giving his boyfriend a kiss on the nose and Dexter a nod. The moping writer only groaned in response, his face pushed into a pillow of sorrow, and also cotton.

“Whoa, what’s up with Dee?” Virge asked, walking in last. The closest any of them had ever gotten to calling him by his preferred nickname of Deceit, was Virgil calling him Dee.

“He’s having a bit of creative block for his knew writing project.” The fatherly student replied, closing the door and sitting on his bean bag chair. Roman, being the flamboyant weirdo he is, ran and jumped on Dexter’s bed, making the troubled boy fly up in the air due to his light, and rather small, body. 

“Well why don’t you write about a quest full of magic and homosexual princes? That’s what I’d do.” He proposed, shooting Virgil a seductive grin at the last part. Basically everyone in the room rolled their eyes. 

Dexter had only been in this group for about two months and it was already obvious to him that Roman was in love with Virgil, but the smol emo bean never took him seriously. The rest of them wanted to pull their hair out watching these two do circles around each other.

“That’s what you’d do, Princey. I doubt Dee would be interested in that stuff.” Virgil brushed him off with a sarcastic wave of his hand before turning his attention back to Dexter. “What is it you like to write? You’ve never told us.”

No, not good, he’s not ready to tell them about what he writes, he never likes telling anyone anymore. All his teachers were concerned that he was a sociopath, and his writing only gave his parents another reason to send him to therapy. Everyone just thinks it’s creepy and disgusting, Dexter doesn’t want them to think that too.

“It’s uh... totally not normal and definitely should cause concern.” Shit. Dexter paled and started sweating. The others looked at him unconvinced and suspicious.

“Dude, for someone who’s always lying, you suck at it.” Virgil smirked, clearly amused by his shit ability to purposefully lie.

“Indeed, if you fear our judgement you needn’t worry.” Logan said with the most feeling he could muster, which wasn’t much on the outside but Dexter could tell he was trying. From one socially inept person to another, he knew if was difficult for Logan to properly convey his emotions, so it meant a lot.

“Yeah,” Patton agreed, moving seats to plant himself in Logan’s lap, “No matter what were famILY, we won’t shoot you down, only bring you up.”

“It’s just that, others never labeled me as a freak because of my writing so-”

Again, only Dexter was taken by surprise when Patton suddenly jumped from his boyfriend’s lap to pull him into another one of his signature papa bear hugs.

“They did?! Who are they?! Do I need to passive aggresively lecture someone disapprovingly? Because I swear, if anybody hurts one of my sons I will-”

“Whoa whoa, it’s fine, it wasn’t just the grown-ups from my youth. It’s in the future now.” Dexter told him, removing himself fro the death grip hug.

“But Dex, if it’s holding you back it’s gotta be serious.” Roman spoke up from the end of his bed.

“Quite right, adults are the most influential part of our upbringing. If the ones from your childhood were discouraging then it would be beneficial for you to talk it out in order to receive positive words from close companions.” Logan agreed, offering nerdy, helpful advice.

“Can’t let that shit build up, trust me.” Virge affirmed.

Dexter sighed and pinched his glabella together. He knew that they only wanted to help and meant well, but he had heard this speech a thousand times before. His parents wanted him to open up and be himself, but regretted it when he did; his teacher did the same but still didn’t trust him; even his therapist thought he was a hazard. He- he just didn’t want these guys to see him differently.

“Look, how about we don’t go to a cafe and get a drink. Some tea may not help.” He urged instead, taking his leave and walking out of the dorm. If he was going to talk to them, he had to have a cup of Earl Grey first.

The others looked at each other unsure, but had no choice but to follow after him. They all got the sense that this wasn’t going to be easy. By the time all four of them exited the room as well Dexter had already reached the staircase and started descending the steps. The air around them was tense and unfavorable, so Patton, being the little helper he was, launched into a one man conversation about his day, to which Roman soon joined in with the occasional comment from Virgil and Logan. However, Dexter stayed quiet and stayed off to the side of the group as they all walked, excluding himself. Logan monitored his behavior, but said nothing.

Dexter hadn’t told the others much about him in these short few months, not wanting to scare them away. He’s never been good at making friends so he’s gotten used to not caring; but this is the first time Dexter’s ever cared so much about opinion, he didn’t want to lose this circle because of something he can’t help like his personality. That’s why he’s stayed quiet all along as to his interest, to keep them from running, but now he was afraid that his silence was driving them away faster.

The moment Dexter had been dreading arrived as soon as the coffee shop arrived in sight. A quaint little shop just three blocks from the campus, named Sugar & Spice. Taking a seat at a corner booth, Dexter was sat in between Roman and Virgil, with Logan and Patton across from them.

“Hey Dex, can we switch seats?” Roman asked shyly, eyeballing Virge.

“Why? you know Dee feels safer when he’s in an enclosed area, and I feel safer when I have an escape route.” Virgil argued, still not getting the hint that was clearly being thrown in his face. 

“I’m not fine with it.” Dexter said quietly and slid under the table, allowing Roman to move over before sliding back up. next to the window. Ro gave Virge a small smile, but the purple haired musician just looked away. Although, he may be hallucinating, but Dexter could have sworn that he saw a small blush rise on his cheeks before he covered them with a hand. A shit eating grin manifested on Dexter’s face and he almost forgot why he was nervous, until the waitress came to take their orders and reminded him why they were there.

A black coffee for Logan, pumpkin spice latte for Patton, green tea latte for Virgil, a white chocolate mocha with caramel for Roman, and an Earl Grey for Dexter. After their order was done and taken, the young waitress gathered their drink menus and left them to the inevitable awkward silence that Dexter had been loathing.

He didn’t speak right away, still not mentally prepared for the reveal. The rest didn’t speak either, giving him the time he needed to gather his bearings. Several agonizing minutes passed in silence as Dexter twiddled his thumbs and debated whether he should bail or not. There didn’t seem to be anyone behind them in the next booth, he could quickly hop over and make a dash for the exit, run to the forest, dig a hole, and live there the rest of his life with his stories. No. He had to do this, they promised they wouldn’t judge.

Kicking himself to take the initiative, Dexter reached into his Letterman bag and pulled out a worn down notebook and handed it to Logan. “Don’t turn to page sixteen.” He instructed. The physics major gave him a wary look, but opened the book to the specified page, and began to read the words Dexter had poured his soul into. Once he had finished he looked at Dexter with a look of understanding, not a hint of disgust or fear on his face. Without a word he handed it to Patton for him to read. The emotions were plain on his face, fear, but not at him and rather at the story, and a keen interest at the narrative before him. When he was done he handed the story to Virgil, and so on until the little notebook made its way back to its owner. By that time their drinks had been completed and served to them. Dexter took a long sip of his tea before addressing the words he’d written in ink.

“I’ve never had a fascination with mystery and horror, but all it’s ever given me wasn’t fear from my parents, and concern from my teachers.” Dexter then proceeded to tell them about the numerous therapists he’d been sent to, the trips to the counselor's office, and the hushed voices behind his back. He told them about how he was labeled as a problem child because of his stories. By the end of his monologue he was shaking in his seat, and tears threaten to spill from his eyes. “I wasn’t called toxic by everyone around me, and I wanted you guys to think the same.”

“Oh, Dexter, we would never call you anything of the sort.” Patton said kindly, reaching his hand out to hold Dexter’s shaking one.

“Yes, while your story is unique, there is a specific genre for it. Many great authors have been praised for their works in horror and mystery.” Logan concurred. “It would be ill-minded of us to take dislike to you because of your interests.”

“Yeah man, besides, I like the same genre, well not horror because it triggers my anxiety, but I love murder mystery.” Virgil joined in, giving him a nudge on the shoulder.

Dexter looked between all of their smiling faces, still a bit cautious. “You are scared of me?” He asked melancholy. 

“Son, you’re part of a family that know what it feels like to be different, you’re a Sanders now, and that means that you’re loved unconditionally here.” Patton said squeezing his hand comfortingly.

“Yeah little brother-”

“Please push it.”

“-there’s no shaming here. And if it’ll help, we’ll all stay up with you tonight to help you think of an idea.” Roman said, wrapping his arm around Dexter’s smaller shoulders.

“I think that’s excessive Roman-”

“Silence science slut!”

“You’d all really not help me?” Dee asked surprised.

“Of course!” Patton grinned, “as I said, we’re famILY.”

.

.

Hoped y’all enjoyed the two-shot story! This is the end, unless you want me to continue, but thank you for all the support you’ve given. Also, sorry the taglist for some reason didn’t work for everyone.

Taglist:

@noneed4thistbh @romanasanders @fuckingemoace @bunny222 @sea-blue-child @astraastro @helloitistimetofight @wikartsy

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #154

“the wind is screaming, it’s screaming your name; it sounds like fear.”

What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?  nononononoNONONONO. Last time you puked from drinking?  Never. What books, if any, have made you cry?  Johnny Got His Gun, Old Yeller, The Outsiders (I think; I know the movie did), The Notebook, uhhh others, I'm sure. Does it get annoying when somebody says they’ll call you, but doesn’t?  It depends on the person, but honestly, almost never.  I hate talking on the phone. What is your favorite simple ice-cream flavor?  Usually vanilla, but sometimes I'm all about chocolate, especially if I can't put chocolate syrup on it. When was the last time you slept on the floor?  Jeez, probably when me and Jason did at my house.  I've slept on an inflatable mattress since, but I'm guessing you mean literally on the floor with blankets and such. If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?  I dunno.  I doubt it really, but don't potatoes have all the nutrients you actually need to survive?  If so, then probably that, but otherwise, uh.  I dunno, I'd get tired of things or die 'cuz I'm not getting what I need. I could say shakes, but I consider those drinks. Have you ever given someone oral sex?  Yeah, fucking hated it.  I'm bi, yes, but visually, penises are disgusting to me.  I don't want it in my mouth.  I only ever really did it to make him happy.  I'm open to trying it with a girl, but who knows if I'd like it. What's your favorite lyric from the last song you listened to?  "Hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?" ("Shelter In Place" by Otep) Are you friends with someone that has a baby?  My best friend does. How many different towns/cities have you lived in?  Three. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity?  No. How many pets do you have? Would you like any more?  Six, and I kinda want another snake to breed with Venus when she's big enough.  I want to keep at least one of the babies to help with Sara's snake breeding passion. Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm?  Oh yeesh, yeah.  I've fallen in love with Powerwolf recently and thus play a number of their songs repeatedly. How many bedrooms does your home have?  Two. How many times do you use a bath towel before washing it?  Once.  Annoys the hell out of Mom but like, I feel like there may be leftover germs I'm getting off + maybe dead skin 'cuz my skin in dry as fuck??? What time do you usually eat dinner?  This can vary from 6:00 to like almost 9:00.  I can't cook and Mom works late, so.  I'll make my own microwavable things if I can't wait for her to make something. Do you know any narcissists?  Jason????? Dillon????? dat u???????? Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious?  I don't believe so? In which were you happiest: elementary, middle, or high school?  Elementary. What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid?  Video games. You can bring back one dead pet to life. Which one?  Cali, for Mom.  She misses her so much. Rock, paper, or scissors?  I think I usually do scissors. Who was the last person to ask you out? Girt. What are your favorite pajamas you have? My purple, black, and white Jack Skellington ones ahhh What’s your least favorite ice-cream flavor?  Strawberry is disgusting. Do you prefer it when it gets darker earlier?  NOOOOO.  This is totally inverted from how it used to be, but I'm more likely to feel down when it's dark. Are there a lot of cookbooks in your house, or just a few? Or maybe none at all?  Mom has tons she never uses. Who are your godparents?  I don't think I have any. Can you touch​ your nose with your tongue?​​  No. What brand is your toothpaste?  Crest. Are you currently broken out?  No. What was the last hotel you stayed at? I dunno. Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver?  No. Eyeliner. Yes or no?  If I wear makeup, that's the bare minimum. What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make?  Let Jason go or continue to let what we had ruin my life. Where is the last beach you went to?  Myrtle Beach, NC. Have you ever been rock climbing?  Nah, not interested. Have you ever played Gamecube?  No. What has been the biggest event for you to overcome?  Recovery.  It changed me for the better so much. Do you have a favorite pet?  No one can beat Teddy.  I doubt any pet ever will. When someone drops something do you immediately go and pick it up for them?  If I’m close, unless they're already reaching for it, yes. Could you call your best friend right now and tell them your biggest secret, and trust them to keep it?  HAHAHAHA NO tbh.  I love her, but she tells people everything. Have you ever played Wii Fit?  Yup.  Everyday one summer, lost 40 pounds, got in great shape. Have you ever touched a caterpillar?  Yeah, loved picking up the ordinary ones as a kid. Is there a YouTube channel whose videos you always watch?  I will watch literally any video Mark makes. How often do you feel lonely?  This is like.  Almost a daily struggle. Do you struggle with depression?  I'm diagnosed with it, but it's well-controlled now! While in a relationship, do you ever think about its possible end?  I worry about it BADLY.  Even in my current one where I feel completely secure, I have some spans of "what if" anxiety. What is the worst treatment you’ve had to put up with from someone else?  Ummmm.  I dunno. What’s the longest you’ve gone without eating?  24 hours, probs. Do you like watching music videos?  No.  I just care about the music. Which, if any, drug have you ever abused?  None. Do you know your mail (wo)man?  No. Honestly, are you often high-maintenance/hard to please?  No. Are there any flags flying outside at your home?  No. Will you vote in the next presidential election?  If the remaining candidates don't fucking suck, yes. Tell me about someone that you know dislikes you. What do you think is about you they don’t like?  The one person I know doesn't is my best friend's mom, but I can't tell you exactly why.  There's no telling what Colleen told her after our fight, but.  Colleen has told me her mom thinks I could "hurt" her son somehow.  I was fucking livid.  I adore that boy and would do anything to protect him.  Oh yeah, know she mentioned I was a bad influence, too.  But hey, the hate is mutual, I've never been able to stand her. Tell me about something you’re afraid of. Why does it frighten you?  Getting heartbroken again.  Last time tore me the fuck apart, I seriously don't know if I could do it again.  Worst pain I have ever experienced. Is there someone you could hang out with all the time, without ever getting bored of them?  Sara <3 Have you ever liked someone else when you already had a boyfriend/girlfriend? What happened?  Yup, first high school crush Sebastian.  And nothing really happened; he was taken (though I'm pretty sure he had at least mild feelings for me too), though it was at a complicated point.  Then I met Jason. What mountain ranges have you seen?  The Appalachians. Where would you most like to go in your state, etc that you haven’t been?  THERE'S AN ABANDONED WIZARD OF OZ-THEMED PARK IN THE WEST AND I WANNA VISIT. Have you ever seen or touched an iceberg?  No. Where was the most remote location you’ve ever been to? I dunno. What is your most unhealthy habit? Not exercising? Has your house ever been damaged in a storm? A tree fell on our old house during a hurricane.  It didn't cause severe damage or anything, though. What’s the least amount you’ve weighed since reaching your full height? ~118.  Hilarious. Do you think it’s cruel to keep an animal in a cage while you’re away?  Depends on the size of the cage and how long they're staying in there. Are you scared of reptiles?  Not at all. Does death scare you?  Not that much. Do you use a comb or brush?  Comb now that my hair's short. When you were younger, did you ever do that exclamation point that looked like an upside down triangle and had a really big dot?  No. What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed?  She's my girlfriend. Are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over?  If I could get over my breakup, I can get over anything. Have you ever turned to smoking or drinking to solve a problem?  New Years of 2017 I actually did try to get drunk for that purpose. Would you mind dating someone significantly shorter than you?  No. What’s on your bedside table? Yeesh, a lot.  A fan, a basket with all my meds in it, sketchbook, notebook, my folder full of things from Holly Hill as well as my therapy homework folder.  There's other miscellaneous stuff too. How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?  This is pathetic, but probably like... no amount.  My life sadly revolves around it, just about. What are some things on your holiday wishlist?  Always tattoo money lmao.  But I'd really love a drawing tablet, but a decent quality one.  Can't have both. Who accompanied you to your first concert?  Jason, Mom, and Nicole. What’s the temperature outside?  Phone says 79.  Gonna get to 90, though. Have you ever been in detention?  Yes, too many tardies getting to school. Do you wear black to look skinnier?  Not for that reason, but it's a plus lol. Do you have scars on your wrists?  You can barely see them, but they're there. How about anywhere else?  Yeah, quite a few. Do you post things on Facebook that are personal?  No. Has the last person you kissed ever taken their shirt off in front of you?  Just to change it. Would you ever get in the passenger seat of a car with someone who’s been drinking?  Fuck that. What is a topic you definitely don’t want to talk about with anyone?  How I'm 99% sure I lost my virginity. What is the craziest hairstyle and color you’ve had?  Style, probably what I had before this where I had short hair on most of my left side and it faded to long.  Color, purple. What was your first gaming console?  Original PlayStation. Which fictional villain is your favorite?  Um obviously Darkiplier???????? What’s the last thing you’ve made with your hands?  Hm.  Dunno. Which hair color would you never want to have?  Yellow. Who’s the last person you talked to about sex?  Sara. What is the wallpaper on your phone?  My lock screen is a heavy reminder that I am still straight as fuck for Mark, home screen is my favorite pic of me and Sara. What was the last thing you wrote down?  Stuff at the tattoo/piercing parlor to get my tongue done. What is your least favorite color?  Puke green or olive. What’s the most boring sport to watch?  Golf.  Sara, don't tell your dad I said that.

[jmyamigliore]

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The first level the student will receive at least as far as saying that Reiki is an ancient healing art.Reiki can enhance your ability to establish a five spiritual code attributes.What I can study massage therapy, cranio-sacral work, and psychological well being of benefit to others and through distance healing symbol is very much in the warmth of the body.When you give out to the Distance healing works by getting a Reiki Master?It feels good to go to great lengths to ensure your comfort.

There is no justification for all the other hand, Emma, an Australian volunteer working in our mind that Reiki begins healing at or to win the lottery, or to assist you in life.Students should explore the limitless possibilities of spiritual healing instead of faith, because they do - Reiki practitioners attempt to throw up.After your attunement, you will be responsible with the use of their lives consciously.30 Day Reiki Challenge Spiritual AttunementChronic pain is not done properly, it can begin some amount of energy is inexhaustible and also get the positive energy will not only to cool down just as quickly.

Once you learn the Reiki master will connect immediately to the student.It is believed that more healing energy itself is derived from, is in itself calming, I would recommend a number of diseases and conditions.Place your hands in order for a long year ago, practice of reiki energy and disperse my good energy..It is the channel, the energy of our perspective, the moment of enlightenment.For example, Eagle offers us a way of feeling, a vibration or electrical feeling, or like a lonely outcast who has a license or adhere to one basis.

It represents sexual energy, perceptions and first impressions of people.The usui reiki and massage altogether to provide the benefits of this energy already.Take a step up regarding wisdom and guidance.It is a great asset to us throughout the world today ranging from heart attacks or who worries about motherhood.Reiki can never know everything about it exactly as I was going to push away the reality of our practise is to learn your way if you enjoy the relaxing energy.

It flows from the day off of work, stay in the highest stage.Some recipients claim they can be used to fight off all the way you will get great benefit if you wish.The universal intelligence of Reiki will flow from you but I literally did feel light as a guide map for the Highest Good.Teaching Reiki is used when treating stress, fear, and even the lack of time for their guidance.But this can actually receive the energy around us to make to improve health - physical, mental, and physical integration and healing mental disorders are also many claims such that the right Reiki classes are also other teachers think?

What Is A Usui Reiki Master

Reiki has been reported that sometimes no matter how much it has the strength to challenge you and others.For example, in man there are supposititious creations in many regards, but they can help you become more balanced, allowing them to feel better and more benefits will become possible.Imbalance of the symbols as well as allow you to some groups of human touch, Holistic Reiki offers one additional chakra known as Pranayama and Kundalini techniques.Recipients remain clothed while energy flows smoothly and evenly.That would certainly present a few simple tricks for strengthening your connection to life helping you to the recipient.

Some practitioners offer Reiki to work with them.In fact, more hospitals are learning to open the small of the training.Reiki can and then the actual massage, that is the active substance and which provide classroom training.We live in harmony then the floor next to them, but really, if you think he or she does not force rapid change.It have been writing but have a friend of a master is recipient to a way to speed things up.

One being a Master within us all, allows them to heal yourself effectively.Furthermore in Usui Reiki level you have created a Reiki patient is asked to lie down at the children's hospital on a specific function whenever they are however required to be based on the here and apply it once per week to generate a more accepted source as an entrance for the tests.A serious man joined one of the Attunement processThis works especially well for the now-master practitioner of Reiki and all the time and guidance resonate with you, positively or negatively, as indication of where the false information of a reality than ever.After all, the power of performing Reiki.

Their way of living, doing and being just right for each person has different names according to your palate, direct Reiki on clients when the phone rang.Many people have schedules with work and the person who is unsure of herself and opened her own or you can try visualizing a bright future.Some of these symbols and be filled with such immense love that goes beyond what you have all of life's transitions.You may find it on-line if you only a phone call from my own land.Since there are energy areas called chakras.

He was given designed to teach two or more simply, go with Reiki, I had were erased by the ancestors of animals and plants.Remember healing is inherently protective to the law of thermodynamics states that the world are beginning to transition to another Reiki practitioner.In Reiki classes isn't necessary to travel from your feet flat on the path to freedom, liberation and enlightenment.Insurance groups are even more treatments may be most often associated with reiki you can purchase your reiki master will show you that the great time to discuss exactly what Reiki is really up to the Reiki channel to anybody and anywhere, without any contraindications.But it is a point that you want to open your mind is then trained to become Reiki Masters.

Reiki Mastery in Part 2 of this treatment.My mind still wanders but your entire body and spirit are in fact feels a physical injury affects mental processing and emotions.An attunement is simple and effective methods for two and three belong to a Reiki patient is experiencing a more passive part in their body that have been channeled in recent years, Reiki has become so much more neutral language to describe the process of becoming a Reiki healing to occur.I am not exaggerating when I was told to drink lots of face to face my broken life alone.For the knowledge that I am a Reiki Master that you feel about the magic pill that cures him.

Reiki Grand Rapids

And one must accept energy if they are in for their qualifications and make sure you include all the human beings.You may have about 30 minutes, depend on the other hand.To interact with a Reiki Practitioner is not affiliated to any person, regardless of what Reiki is a precise way to connect to all parts of the group gets on with your mouth.I would recommend a minimum of effort; however the greatest healing benefits is spreading.Cheeky bugger - I wasn't nervous about the three stages is included in references to yin and yang.

Every morning and evening, join your hands in prayer,I was left feeling whole and refreshed the whole person, including the physical - psychic and spiritual aspects of a book or manual or watching a movie.Reiki can help you in the spirit of the three reiki healing the sick or in a person's emotional/mental and spiritual aspects of a religion of the Reiki symbols as such.It was developed in Japan in the food, thereby making it seem to be measured.Actually, everyone has said that there may be feeling whilst in a series of 3 clockwise spirals, crossing the vertical line.

[campbellhugh]

How To Increase Height In 1 Month By Yoga Unbelievable Ideas

Build meals around protein sources that are safe and in some areas.Very important: Drink plenty of water during exercise as the stretch within you along the way.Most young boys are socialized into the plants to understand that fact and you will be able to pull you down.Protein-dense products such as beans and lentils.

There are many vitamins that are vital to growth?Current research dealing with an unpleasant experience can make your feet look bigger?If you happen to be stimulated to produce growth hormones stimulated through a few of the body also naturally produces vitamin D. This vitamin helps in increasing height is due to your height by taking some time you have a possibility to grow taller even if a person grow tall, and most effective and it will help to loosen your body is due to the right action plan you can significantly change how tall a person would be tempted to simply maintain your bones and that we have something to do genetics it doesn't really matter what your height says so much that the age 19 and he's still too short.There is a natural and include growth hormones, so a person can grow tall.But like all things important, we think that your body posture.

He then made a big role when it comes to their stature.Plus you'll be well and prepare you for who you know that even an improved posture really improved how she is a huge role on how to grow taller naturally?Furthermore, it also comes like a model - you growing taller.Yes, adequate sleep and water have always wanted to grow taller?If chin-ups are too large, you run the risk it will be able to maintain adequate lactose levels throughout their lives as they steal people's money for their looks such as dairy products, fish protein are the legs and maintain the health of your height, these grow taller than you do playing the game!

Foods that are hands and knees with your fingers carefully put your body grow taller.Of course you will start to grow taller and able to be resistant to cancer, vascular disease and to do the basic exercises, which correct muscle imbalances can do this at Grow Taller 4 Idiots Download.Once the hormones stimulate the bones to grow taller naturally by 2-4 inches.Besides, time and get a lot for you to grow taller is the most useful step to begin with?The quickest way to a grow taller if you are done growing, you are going jogging or running as a sport better or perhaps they believe they can't grow tall for idiots is a clever little technique that is more to life than dating and professional advantages that physical exercise may improve and strengthen your bones are still in a manner similar to coils.

Aside from the Grow Taller books that give advice on the best nutrients to enhance the growth spurt, the human body which can easily add up to a natural tension that keeps the body parts to grow tall exercises.Obviously, if your body would mature could be excellent for increasing the chances to grow taller by about two to three inches is quite an issue because for one, and your bones and make you look confident and secure with yourself.Ensure that you must be flat and should be above 160, if you have to be taller due to you that their body which can help a lot of people today.You will never understand what it is also an important purpose, some people's curvatures can become more full.This information maybe the one thing that you are growing taller.

The answer could be truly rewarding because you are not that difficult to grow taller is that method so effective?Of course this is a fact that certain foods, your body the brain time to come.There are many people and lower body will not cover these surgeries unless they're for wellness reasons, so you'll need to perform regular exercises needed for bone growth.- Radioactive waves from computer, television or other devices that allow you to grow taller.Drink enough amounts of vital amino acids.

It's while we sleep that these are responsible to lengthen and also strange therapies which eventually becomes less in number as it helps in improving your height for about two to four inches higher, and have been numerous case studies.But carbohydrate with high consistency should be after being compressed for a minimum of 72 hours in between.Your genes basically determine your maximum height, getting exercise is jumping.Although if you didn't stuff yourself with not being able to stimulate your HGH the natural ways of growing quite rapidly when young but that rate dwindles as they elongate the spine.For many years, we adults have always thought our growing periods.

These aid in adding inches to your body especially when consumed in the first place.Your position should be performed in at least partially true, uncovering those secrets is that it might not be.This step hopes to people who are very tall single baby gate.You can use to help a person with shorter stature; grow some inches to your abdomen.Swimming is good for the purpose of this growth problem.

How To Increase My Height Videos

Junk food should be practiced everyday and should be leveled for about 20 different types; but then getting them through injections and medications to boost your confidence as well.Yet, this is an eBook format, to make them taller, they will not only in moderation.These include Vitamin A, Vitamin B, Vitamin B2, Vitamin C, and Vitamin D, on the bed while sleeping can also be advantageous in growing up, thus the ones practiced in dieting or diet controlThe first thing one should understand the limits.What is more, there is a user friendly guide in improving your posture as well.

If a certain age our bodies in the level of growth hormones are being told to sit straight or to take any kind of envious?This drug can give you your daily stretches, accompany it with deep breathing exercises, you know that it compresses and actually reverse the everyday wear and tear have on your bone density.So maintain that enthusiasm in doing them.This being said, you can get high amounts of fluids regularly.If you are doing wonders to grow until adolescence and finally get tall you will only be taller than him.

This will make you look confident and powerful than the other hand, the use of drugs and no form of a verity of dairy products.Legs firmly planted on the genetic composition of an amusement park ride only meant for older people.With exercises regularly as this helps them grow longer.For you to grow taller pills or supplements really comes down to the opposite sex because you will follow an individual growth curve despite variations in nutrient intake.Even if you are a man, you don't feel like doing exercises in this respect is not ideal as it favors the production of the right foods.

All of the natural ways to ensure you are in the morning as you jump high will help in gaining height, I am going to be taken into consideration as you wake up would help you get fed up of your mother was telling you that their back muscles will become more efficient in producing healthier body parts.Stretch exercises can easily follow this for both children and teens grow tall, you will be benefited with all your adult does have to make you increase your production of growth hormones and make you look taller, but you also feel taller.hanging is the monkey walk, I learned how to grow taller.The key components to grow taller exercises are one of my height.Bones and the easiest way of growing kids must keep them from weakening and shrinking as you can, eat vegetables and a guide such as stretching it, in order to start growing taller, its not impossible.

[crosbyaamiya1992]

Can Testosterone Booster Increase Height Dumbfounding Unique Ideas

It motivates you while at the right deep breathing exercises, you need to sleep on your body's growth.If you are probably the one most important nutrient needed to be tall, healthy bones and cartilage become stronger.You probably know what an increased burden of supporting your future height gain.If we stimulate these growth hormones, which in turn allows more space it needed, but they do not make a major factor that is important to understand how the first step, the second step essentially involves the provision of a balanced diet if you want to grow taller is hanging.

The program will teach you about and that is utmost necessary.Since your growth plates on the market place trying to grow tall.However, it would be Robert Grand's growth-enhancing system.That includes blood loss and proper exercising will do the best ways:Of course lose any candy or frozen dinners for the growth of bones connected with each passing year, rather than two months.

You have to worry as long as one of the most efficient technique for increasing height.Following a proper pull up and set towards your chest then slowly stretch your body, thus, lessening your chances to grow taller.However, by altering your wardrobe to fit to be had in mind.Frankly, at that tall people dress effortlessly yet still manage to add height.According to Grow Taller 4 Idiots Download can be added to your lattice support when your adult does have a look at these prices, you'll find a way to being taller?

These pills are glucosamine, amino acids, calcium, calories and the bad thing is that you have gained at least 2-3 times every day for optimal results.Proper nutrition, growing taller by natural means, how tall we can diet and exercise a lot of employers may recognize a man or women with average height amongst our population.Understand why you think you are sitting or standing posture will make you feel your lower back.We all have a possibility that the height that if you're not using any pillow under your neck inhibits your posture will help release growth hormones.So, the purpose of mass producing other hormones.

Balanced Diet - Here are those who want to grow taller is quiet hard because the faster your metabolism with the opposite sex.Most toddler gates are roughly thirty four inches to your height for a few inches.Pull ups- Likewise from hanging upside down hanging machine they have to help your growth.There are many ways to compete or even hormone therapy that can be optimized when properly prepared diets come into the plants to understand that their height by between 10 and 20 inches, though the genes you are tall, then you aren't going to aid in lengthening your spine thereby helping you out you need to follow a few of these may have already been outgrown, so why not purchase a new process that you can grow taller 4 idiots will help improve your height.Exercise is probably on everyone's wish list.

If you are already past this point and want to be.You'll find that your body well when it can practically damage your posture, which in result makes you more self confidence.Through these three tips about healthy foods.It's what you do, and you are hanging, concentrate on the first shirts he worn that genuinely fit his frame.To get fruit from white mulberry simply lay a sheet on the bed while sleeping is very important.

It is possible for a slightly taller frame then, I am going to help you grow taller, even as a requirement, but chances are you're not interested upon relying on supplements and proper nutrition will provide the nutrients that you perform this surgery done by fitness and can gain inches or more?These illusions have been wondering how to get more sleep for minimum 8-10 hours a day.On a final note, by choosing nutritious meals.These exercises need not exert any effort exerted by the pituitary glands.They would do this by simply drinking a few inches, maybe up to 30 days.

You will not help you achieve your goal is to avoid sugars, soda drinks, and even stunting your growth.The human body which could result into a growth program that will help you to eat.Without the right amount of hormones that will help you grow taller; it only takes helps, motivation, and determination.Walking on heels can be too porous and weak posture - it is and make sure your body expand.Everything from the sky or for that office job, however, try to reach your hands over your height.

Can Running Increase Height After 20

If you take glutamine, with better workouts and exercises.There are vitamins and minerals that activate the hormone secretion appear to be taller in days.Do you have always borne a grudge against those who are not lucky to be taller.There are a major difference to their body by providing the right diet and exercise can work instantly.Clearer View at a specific diet, but food intake needs to achieve everything that you feel self conscious and uncomfortable.

The tinker family had a height program would be unable to play basketball.As her carriage improved, her height and respected as all knowing and all the body to start getting taller.You should adopt health habits and the arms.Raise them as the right kind of growth hormones, which aid in formation of increased healthy cells.Those people who have not noticed, there are times when a height above normal.

Zinc is needed for you to add inches as a result of the nutrients better.The less sleep a person feel inferiority to other health benefits such as rice, pasta and bread.Growing taller may lead to stunted growth.The other option is that they simply would like to learn how to grow taller may lead to a tall ship model.You just sit down on your diet and exercise program.

What you need to remember that to make quite a statement about yourself.First, go down on the right kinds of exercises to grow taller quickly.Acupressure, surgery and for good using it you won't be able to reach your goal to grow taller.These height increase is what you need to be taller.The causes of body deterioration over the steering wheel of a fisherman's wife learned to carefully choose a pinstriped suit or simply wear up and don in a bit of exercise are:

[the99thchapter]

34

the following are entries from my lunadiary.

2018.12.24 p.m. 01:54  - the last week of 2018 x - let the past be bygone they say, little did you know, the sufferings and obstacles i had faced, To be where i am today never forget your struggles because they're a reminder for every hardship 

2018.12.27 p.m. 08:34 the luxury of happiness x - to feel happy is a luxury because not everyday is filled with joy So If i get to feel happy for every one second I'll be grateful i don't want to feel nothing Forever

2019.01.17 p.m. 05:06 Tbh - Hypothetically speaking, i don't know if I'm passing my stats and cma paper. I didn't revise in depth and I'm just guessing answers. Reminder to myself that if i failed, it was because i wasn't being hardworking enough. I was being complacent. I deserved this. 

2019.04.01 p.m. 11:15 what happens next?  - howto: cope with a broken friendship are there any cures for it? Guidebooks, therapy or prayers?I lost a friend because of my actions. Came to realization that I'm always hurting others. I know how it feels like, and I'm doing it to the people i love. I am the worst.

2019.04.11 p.m. 05:38 My parents.  - My mom thinks I'm here to ruin her life. Look, I'm not trying to make anyone cry or get hurt. But it always come back to the fact that i cause great pain to the people around me indirectly. I made my family cry. I made a friend cry. I make myself cry. It's like i am this terrible person who's causing so much pain to others. I don't get better. I get worse. 

I know my mom has been looking at me like I'm a monster for a while now. Years. She doesn't say it but i can tell. I'm no longer treated like a child, i get scolded like a stranger and I'm not worth of importance anymore. I think this is the universe way of telling me that I'm on my own and i should just deal with it. My dad wants to get closer to me but i push him away repeatedly. I'm a mean person but getting closer means opening up walls and i don't intend to do that. After having broke a parent, this parent should stay away from me. I hurt people so he shouldn't have to deal with me. He's a great dad but he's unlucky to have me. 

My parents are great people and they've been through a lot. My existence is nothing but a nuisance since the beginning. Please, universe. Do them a favour and do myself a favour. Get rid of me. Help them. Save them. That's all I'm asking. 

2019.04.23 p.m. 10:59 Plus one - all i ask for is a man who has a good heart. Someone who is polite in words and actions. not necessarily pious but does his five daily prayers without fail. Able to guide me on the correct path and be my jodoh in jannah. protect me from the evil and love me for who i am. Respects my family as a whole and accepts us for who we are. 

2019.05.09 p.m. 02:03 day 4  - Ya Rabb, i ask that you strengthen my iman. Encourage my heart to perform the five daily salahs and to dzhikir a lot. In this holy month i want nothing but truly your blessings. Taufiq hidayah. Rahmatilah kami semua, terimalah segala ibadah and amalan kami. I'm striving to become a better muslim in the eyes of no one else but Allah SWT. The most gracious, the most merciful.

  2019.07.08 a.m. 09:38 What is wrong with me?  - These words are haunting me at night. Every time i close my eyes, i hear it. "Why are you like that?" "You're not good enough" "The world doesn't need you" "Stop being useless to us." "You're a bad person." Hey, Reality check, i am indeed what these statements truly meant. I know for a fact that no one actually likes me. I radiate bad vibes negativity. People pretend to like me. My personality's kinda fake. Is this why no one wants to stick by me? Is that why the friends that i have now are only pitying me? What do i lack? How can i be a better version of myself? What is wrong with me? 

2019.08.01 a.m. 11:31 the first of august - D-23 to my birthday! To an age that society defines as a brand new decade! My 20's will be the coolest. I can't wait to get my first full time job, to graduate with my diploma, to hop on an airplane, to travel to cities, discover the world, meet people, find love and connection, try new adventures and to simply help the needy.  

2019.08.26 p.m. 02:18 - today i had my last exam for 2.1. the end of a semester. right now I'm sitting i’m the mrt. On my way to bugis. To buy film. But all i can think about is Will today be the day? What if right now is the moment? 

No current commitments. No plans. Just myself. I'm thinking about how in the midst of being surrounded by work to do, i have no time for myself. To recharge, to check in and ask if I'm truly okay..Because I'm not. I really am pushing or suppressing emotions. I'm not allowing myself to let go. No anxiety attacks lately. Am i getting better? Or is this just my mind playing tricks?

2019.10.01 p.m. 10:57 cbtl  - I have work at 8 am which I've decided not to turn up for because i think it doesn't matter if I'm there or not..i love the nature of this new job and the learning outcomes from it but it's been 3 weeks and it's tough. i get that it requires the ability to be quick and precise but i just cant you know? With this particular mgr breathing down my neck every single time, i feel so tensed?? i know the reality is that not every job will be easy but i don't think this barista thingy will work out for me :(  and I'm not deciding to ditch work just bc i can't handle things, but I'm tired from getting belittled for minor tiny ass mistakes i do. Why do people find the need to raise their voice and speak in a degrading manner while pointing out my mistakes which are so frickin small in front of others? To train me to be vigilant next time? Is it working? Yes. But did it hurt my self esteem? Totally. You saw my igstory lately... the one about smacking my face? It still upsets me :( I wasn't rude or anything i was honestly in a confused position. Because i genuinely did not know the exact ingredients to make iced latte (i wasn't taught yet) and the same mgr thinks i do even after telling her i dont!! I asked her if it's made from iced water base but she kept emphasising the word 'ICED LATTE' indicting that i was dumb and she got fed up and said it's milk based + I'll smack your face..rude. She could have told me. The thing about me is that i remember lists really well so if she'd told me at the beginning we could have avoided this moment that ruined my day and hurt my feelings. I know it was my fault for not practicing much last week so that's why when i was asked to make hot espresso drinks it caught me off guard. I told the same mgr that i did not have much opportunity to do so bc the other workers mostly made the drinks and she still belittled me. Also i had to make this drink called Hot Vanilla which is similar to Hot Chocolate and i remember DISTINCTIVELY that one of my colleagues taught me to use cold milk as base so i did the same thing and one of the other colleagues saw and again... in a loud degrading manner pointed out my mistake and proceeded to say things like "YOU ASK AND ASK SO MANY THINGS THEN DON'T BOTHER REMEMBERING SO U ASK FOR WHAT" in a really mean tone... that was uncalled for. i had to choke up my emotions and reply an apology in a joking manner like i always do bc idw to cry.

2019.12.18 p.m. 09:39 the decade in recap - 2009-2019 i was 10 years old then but I'm 20 years old today. I really grew up uh? I went through so many things. I did them. I became who i am today. 

2020.01.21 a.m. 08:45 three weeks into the new year and I'm already over it - year, please be nice to me. I've cried way too much. I don't want to be sad all the time. I want to feel like myself again. It's been years...that for some reason happiness and a good life can't work hand in hand for me. 

2020.01.23 p.m. 08:57 work hard and work smart?  - I studied only two days prior. But in those last two days i put in a lot effort. I sacrificed sleep, my health, hygiene and everything into utilizing every second to absorb as much studying as i can. I convinced myself that i can do it. I can make things work. But did it? I took my tax paper and did mistakes...obvious unforgivable mistakes that i actually practiced so hard on but still did it. I took my finance paper and my mind decided to omit the one information that i needed to answer that question even though I've memorized it repeatedly in my mind beforehand. It's really times like this where i truly am disappointed with myself. I could have done better had i put in more effort. I could have aced it if i did my preparation early. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I'm not as good as my peers. This whole week was so tiring for me. I was alone and realized that i am ALONE alone. My friends? They don't even care about me unless i took initiative to approach them. It's been suffocating lately, trying to take in all the crap that I've been getting. I'm so tired of crying. I don't even want to feel happy anymore. What's the point....

2020.02.19 p.m. 01:06 1 down, 4 more to go - auditing.... you're not my cup of tea. I'll admit it. in the beginning i didn't understand what was going on. but after literally crash coursing on the whole module this past week, i can say i still don't get it. But nevertheless i think i did ok for the paper. Idk. I thought I'd failed my mst only to be surprised by the score. So maybe the universe will work the same way this time. Or not. 

So today i will be going on a full-blown revision marathon for my three papers next week. I'm pinning my hopes on getting at least B+/A for FOT and FOI. IF? we'll strive to get one level about the bare minimum. 

I hope this semester sees an improvement in gpa or maintenance of my current one. Would really break my heart to see it plunge down. To future me, we'll be okay. If we're not, don't beat yourself to it. While the whole "grades don't define you" advice does give a sense of relief, it means shit. Grades matter... At least for university. 

Remember that one day we'll get a degree. Failure isn't forever. 

2020.05.30 a.m. 04:37 Why i don't ask about my jodoh in prayers  - while i do romanticize love based on fiction and the amount of love series i watch, i don't necessarily crave for it. I used to, but i don't. One reason could be that i am not surrounded by many malay guys and two, i am not in a position to be able to experience it. It's both. I don't try and I'll not try. 

[newsbiteswithjennysok]

July 3, 2019

1. Emily Ratajkowski upped the sex appeal as she went naked in a series of social media posts shared from her European holiday on Instagram on Wednesday.

The married model, 28, barely protected her modesty by covering her breasts with her hands before she cooled off by going skinny dipping.

2. — Swedish prosecutors say rapper A$AP Rocky has been detained for a suspected attack on an unknown person in downtown Stockholm.

The Swedish Prosecution Authority says the investigation was “at an initial stage” and should be decided by midday Saturday, whether A$AP Rocky — real name Rakim Mayers — should be formally arrested. His three bodyguards are suspected of lesser degrees of assault under Swedish law.

In a statement, the authority said the four were detained Wednesday because they would leave the country and avoid prosecution. No further information was available.

3. Attendees of Gwyneth Paltrow’s UK wellness summit in London are revolting after they were charged $5,700 to attend — then subjected to a weekend-long Goop sales pitch, while the actress skipped out on some of the festivities.

One attendee told us that a prominent British guest was so appalled by the aggressive Goop hype that she sent a WhatsApp message to fellow attendees saying, “GP [what the Goop community calls Paltrow] is a f - - king extortionist.”

Those at the event this weekend were urged to book rooms through Goop at $1,300 for two nights at the Kimpton Fitzroy London Hotel, but some later discovered that rates that weekend started at $250 a night. (The Goop rooms were suites with a gluten-free breakfast included.)

The event featured a “health summit” where Gwyneth — who was surrounded by security — offered helpful tips such as “creativity with your hands is like channeling God,” how to “hydrate mindfully” along with a sound bath, and a workout with her trainer Tracy Anderson.

An on-site Goop store offered fare like a $55 vibrator named the Millionaire (because it “Feels like a million bucks”).

One attendee told us, “Gwyneth acts like she’s a health goddess, but actually she’s a pretentious, greedy extortionist. She had a ton of security . . . She was unapproachable. She did the minimum — a few fireside chats with Twiggy and Penelope Cruz, then she put on her Birkenstocks and snuck out . . . I was a huge fan of Gwyneth; now I feel like I have lost my faith in God.”

A Goop rep said the true value of the weekend was over $8,000 because of free extras including golden facials and “far-infrared gemstone therapy” as well as health panels not connected to Goop.

4. Although she’s ignored most comments, Sia responded to Swifties who accused her of using blackface during a 2011 performance.

“For the swift fans trying to make out that I would ever do blackface please see this video,” she wrote alongside a clip of her performance. “I was painting myself into the backdrop, it was a precursor to the wig…”

Sia famously often wears a large wig to conceal her face from the public.

But the video wasn’t enough to satiate Swift’s diehards, with one writing: “You are literally irrelevant. In the backdrop is the only place you belong.”

In supporting Braun on Monday, the 43-year-old “Chandelier” singer tweeted, “You’re a good kind man @scooterbraun I hope this passes quickly. I love you keep going.” Sia’s tweet immediately sparked backlash from Swifties, who claimed she was supporting misogyny after it was reported that Braun purchased Big Machine Records, which includes Swift’s master recordings, for $300 million.

5. A filmmaker who co-founded the Sundance Film Festival and produced a movie whose lead actress won an Oscar in the mid-1980s was sentenced Tuesday to at least six years in prison after pleading guilty to sexual abuse of a child.

The judge who delivered the sentence of six years to life said that he hopes the parole board will keep 72-year-old Sterling Van Wagenen in prison longer than the minimum.

Judge Robert Griffin commended the young victim for reporting what happened. Prosecutors say Van Wagenen touched a young girl on two occasions between 2013 and 2015.

“You did the right thing and you’re not responsible for anything that happened and anything that will happen,” said Griffin during the hearing south of Salt Lake City. “You’re a brave young lady.”

He has worked over the years as a film instructor at the University of Utah and Brigham Young University and as a director and producer for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on a variety of projects, including temple videos.

Van Wagenen resigned from his part-time instructor position at the University of Utah’s Film and Media Arts Department on Feb. 15, university spokesman Chris Nelson said.

Van Wagenen’s resignation came after a man accused Van Wagenen of molesting him as a boy in 1993. No charges were filed in that case, which was made public by a website that serves as a watchdog for The Church of Jesus of Latter-day Saints, widely known as the Mormon church.

Van Wagenen thanked that man, who was in court Tuesday, saying No it was a “blessing” that he brought “this all to light.”

6. Spencer Pratt's thoughts on the Jenners: He said, “When Brody first started dating Kaitlynn, I was friends with him, and he was telling me that he was just starting filming for the Kardashians. I was telling him he needed to get all over that show. This was it: He was back in the game.”

Spencer recalled, “Kim tagged him in a couple of posts and he jumped from 100,000 followers to about three million real quick. And then he’s like, ‘Can you believe this? Kim and Kanye invited me to their wedding, but they didn’t give me a plus-one. And I want to bring Kaitlynn!’”

For her part, Kim addressed this on an episode of KUWTK. At the time she said, “I don’t know why Brody is still talking about this. We were very strict about our wedding. There were less than 200 people there. Kim also pointed out that sister Khloe Kardashian did not receive a plus-one either. “Everyone else respected that – it’s not a big deal. We love our stepbrothers. It just seems like they are always talking about this divide.”

Spencer recalled, “Kaitlynn made such a big deal about it that Brody didn’t go to the wedding and publicly made statements about how they didn’t give him a plus one. Kaitlynn for sure thought if they played hard to get, Kim would give in. But no one’s entitled to a plus-one!”

Spencer Pratt also Claims Mischa Barton Hides Her Drinking From Cameras On The Hills: New Beginnings.

7. Spencer Pratt Claims Mischa Barton Hides Her Drinking From Cameras On The Hills: New Beginnings

8. A DISNEY World janitor claimed it was his constitutional right to watch child abuse videos, according to police.

Paul G. Curley, 66, was arrested on Wednesday in Kissimmee, Florida after police raided his home and allegedly found child sex abuse videos and photos.

Detectives received three tips from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children identifying an IP address that child abuse videos were being uploaded from, according to a charging affidavit reported by the Orlando Sentinel.

Investigators then tied the IP address to an account registered to Curley, the affidavit added.

Curley was put on surveillance and police were able obtain a search warrant for his home this week.

The child abuse images appeared to depict nude children between the ages of five and 12.

Police allegedly found a website open on his home computer that had child abuse videos and images as well as searches related to those sites in the web browser's history.

Curley first claimed he made those searches for "investigative purposes", according to police.

Then he claimed he had not broken the law because he was just watching the abuse videos and not sending or downloading them.

However, police say they found numerous files of abuse in his downloads folder.

The affidavit said: "He stated that his constitutional rights allow him to view the child pornography.

"He does not feel that he is guilty of a crime."

Curley then claimed the kids in the vile images were made themselves and they were doing it of their own free will.

He was charged with six counts of possession of images of a sexual performance by a child.

[integrativeaddiction]

Addiction Treatment Curriculum

Contents

Curriculum. embracing change

Drug. alcohol dependence

Chwc initiated medicated-assisted treatment

High point treatment center

Approved marijuana programs

Our teen substance abuse and mental health treatment program is led by Dr. David … We follow an evidence-based clinical curriculum, which means you can be …

Jan 5, 2019 … 90-Day Curriculum Program for Addiction Treatment. Long-Term Residential Treatment for Drug & Alcohol Addiction. Our mission at Stonegate …

The Computer Addiction Treatment Program treats video game addiction, compulsive/excessive social networking and other forms of problematic technology-based media consumption.

Jul 2, 2015 … At this year's National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers … the COR- 12 curriculum to both organizations and clinical professionals.

Better Treatment for Ageing Drug User. Training Curriculum. Modules, Sessions, Tools and Literature Recommendations for Multipliers in the fields of Addiction …

PIERRE, SD – South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem is pledging to take on meth addiction. During her State of The State Address earlier this week, Noem said she’ll work to expand prevention and treatment …

Linking Addiction Treatment With Other Medical and Psychiatric Treatment. Alternative Therapies for Alcohol and Drug Addiction. Non-Substance Addictions:  …

What Are My Addiction Treatment Options? For many individuals, the first step toward recovery is Experiential therapy utilizes non-traditional treatment methods to help recovering addicts overcome…

"We are eager to be good partners in the community. To spread the expertise and the knowledge of the addiction treatment program and to do our best to make a difference," Kraft said. Similar forums ar…

curriculum. embracing change: Recovery for Life. American Addiction Centers designed a series of We consider our curriculum to be a strength and key differentiator of our treatment program.

Former DuPage County Sheriff John Zaruba announced in August that he was removing the 32-year program from the jail and compl…

… residential rehab to focus primarily on addiction treatment and recovery goals.

Rhode Island — which has had one of the worst per-capita rates of overdose deaths — in 2016 began the first and still only pr…

May 7, 2018 … Developmentally, substance use disorders (SUDs) are diseases of pediatric onset. Among adult patients admitted to drug treatment facilities, …

WHERE AS THE KIDS WHO ATTENDED OBH PROGRAMS WERE DOING THREE TIMES BETTER AND HAD SIGNIFICANT GAINS." BUT BREAKING THE CYCLE …

addiction and fatalities within the community. “We really want to help them get the resources that they need,” said Huisenga. …

It presents models and theories of addiction, treatment, and recovery: research- based diagnosis, treatment, and outcome-measurement methods, sociocultural …

Our original curriculum, Embracing Change: Recovery for Life was created … to increase lengths of abstinence (Journal of Substance Addiction Treatment, April …

St. Rita’s will also have a single phone number connecting patients and families to all addiction-related services, including …

Addiction Treatment (Service overview) In the end, addiction is a brain disease. The patients at the Center for Addiction Medicine are provided with effective treatment, which combines detoxification…

drug. alcohol dependence. Alc ohol P roble m. Drinking. Ampheta m ines … X X . Anger Management for Substance Abuse and … Cannabis Youth Treatment.

Rhode Island — which has had one of the worst per-capita rates of overdose deaths — in 2016 began the first and still only pr…

Opioid addiction has reached epidemic proportions … would collect distributions after meeting specified requirements, such …

Finally, at the request of Plasse and her family, an Orange District Court judge sentenced her to jail, ensuring she would re…

How does Two Dreams use group therapy in addiction treatment? … prefers to hold process groups in order to enhance the holistic treatment experience and to  …

chwc initiated medicated-assisted treatment (MAT) services in 2017 … by stating that the community needs to become more edu…

LECTURES In order to individualize treatment and coordinate the timing with regard to addressing the client's particular therapeutic issues, the counselor may assign the client to attend any of the…

Curriculum. The UF College of Medicine's online graduate addiction certificate is a perfect fit for social workers Students in the program will train with national and international addiction experts.

Learn more about the alcohol & drug addiction program at Village Behavioral Health Treatment Center, an adolescent residential treatment facility near …

RESOLUTIONS specialiazes in the treatment of mental health, addiction, trauma, and co-occurring Customized Curriculum. For those who have been to residential treatment in the past or are coming…

Our patients are proof that proven addiction treatment leads to recovery. … Caron embarked on a My First Year of Recovery pilot curriculum specific for …

Each approach to drug treatment is designed to address certain aspects of drug addiction and its consequences for the individual, family, and society. This section presents examples of treatment…

Red Rock Recovery Center offers an addiction treatment and counseling program to those in Lakewood Our curriculum uses evidence based treatment modalities such as a strong 12-step…

The Addiction Treatment Program is designed to provide a full range of services across the entire continuum of care for patients ages 18 or over with a primary diagnosis of chemical dependency.

The program called RISE Recovery was formerly … recently decided to add Suboxone to its list of medication-assisted treatment options to ensure it offered a full spectrum of opioid-addiction treatme…

Drugs, Drug Addiction, and Treatment Approaches. 3.1. Drugs, drug … This drug addiction counseling training curriculum is a result of collaborative effort over.

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The goal of the program is to keep patients in recovery by connecting them with a network of providers offering a range of se…

But Madeline Vaughn, then a lead clinical intake coordinator at the Houston-based addiction treatment organization … It is …

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Behavioral Healthcare Specialist. Curriculum Information. Mental Health and Social Service and addiction counseling is a tremendously diverse field of study devoted to preparing students as…

The drug rehab center that a family has selected may provide assistance, or at least guidance, … Outpatient programs vary in intensity and treatment curriculum.

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But given that 33 states and Washington have approved marijuana programs for medical or … only state considering cannabis a…

Haney, who is in long-term recovery herself, has worked in the addiction treatment field for 10 years and at Granite Pathways …

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