#platonic dlamp

[fandom-queen-13]

OK SO I JUST HAD THIS SANDERS SIDES FIC IDEA

So. Urban fantasy/superpower AU, and Virgil can see into the future. Not far, and not for very long, but it's there. One night, he sees himself at a party of Roman's for some reason, and despite everything, he feels like he needs to go. So, he's at the party, just standing around awkwardly, and nothing really happens. Maybe Roman gives him a look every now and then, but all in all, nothing happens. Virgil feels like something was supposed to happen, so he goes to the party. And the next, and the next, and the next. Nothing's really changed, he's there at the back of the party, just. Watching.

Until one night, Virgil decides to stop. Maybe he's not feeling great, or maybe he's decided that what he saw already happened and he was just there for no reason. Either way, he doesn't show up at the party and just stays home.

Cue someone (I thought of it as Roman but it can really be anyone, even all of them if you wish) showing up at Virgil's house because Virgil's shown up every time and without him "I don't really feel safe at the party."

(bonus points if they come back and see something bad's happened at the party, so in a way, Virgil did save them)

[i-am-bitterly-jittery]

Friends? (pt 1 Logan /4)

Soulmates? (Unhappy Accidents): Part 1, Part 2

Friends?: •, Patton, Roman, Part 4

Word count: 2595

Rating: teen

Pairings: platonic Analogical, Anxceitmus, background Royalogicality

Warnings: anxiety, strained relationships

~~~START~~~

My apologies, but I am running fifteen minutes late  

Virgil felt his heart rate spike just from reading the text. Logan was considerate enough to text him forty minutes before they were supposed to meet up, but Virgil was already almost to his destination. Now forty-five minutes early.  

Ever since the accident two months ago, just being in a car was enough to give him a panic attack. Even when he was walking sometimes if a car was coming his way, no matter how slowly or how far away, he’d freeze up in fear, praying it would stop before it ran him over. It was so bad that even when he took the bus — somehow the least stressful form of transportation for him — he had to have his head buried in his phone the whole time, lest he notice a car outside slightly too close for comfort.  

Knowing how public transportation was, coupled with an anxious desire to be slightly early, Virgil had given himself a half hour cushion time, none of which had been used up.  

He could still go to the café he and Logan had planned to meet at, but then he’d be faced with a dilemma, order a drink and wait out the time, or wait out the time without ordering anything. If he ordered a drink, he’d likely finish it before Logan got there and would then either awkwardly not have a drink while Logan got his own drink, or order a second drink and risk getting too wired. But if he ordered nothing and just hung out, he’d feel like the employees would hate him, he’d be taking up space without actually funding the function of said space — which was basically trespassing.  

Virgil spent the final ten minutes of his bus ride in an anxiety spiral.  

Caffeine was definitely out of the question, and Virgil was beginning to resign himself to the employees hating him when he noticed a bookstore right next to the café. A bookstore was perfect! He could kill time without feeling like a nuisance.  

He ended up wandering the bookstore thinking more about how he got here than the books themselves.  

A couple weeks before the accident, he’d been laid off from his job, and then after the accident, he could barely stand to leave the house at all. He’d never had many friends, and then he was only ever talking to Janus and Remus — except for that one day when they’d gone to Remus’s brother’s house to talk to Virgil and Janus’s soulmates… 

He hadn’t wanted to contact them afterwards — not because they didn’t seem nice, but because he thought Janus and Remus might be upset. He thought Janus would be upset because he hated the concept of soulmates and only accepted Virgil because they’d been together for years before either of them had known about the connection; and he thought Remus might be upset because of how insecure he was about both his brother and the topic of soulmates.  

In the end, it was Janus who snapped at him to “stop looking like a kicked puppy and call them if it means so much to you!” 

He’d decided to start with Logan because he seemed to be the one that Remus liked best. Logan had been quite amenable — to use his words — to hanging out explicitly in a friendship capacity and had suggested a café halfway between Virgil’s home and Logan’s university.  

Five minutes before Logan was set to arrive, Virgil entered the café with a small bag from the bookstore containing a book on snakes and a toy octopus whose eyes popped out of its head when you squeezed it — he couldn’t just leave the store empty handed after wandering around it for so long. Virgil sat at a table, and exactly fifteen minutes after their previously scheduled meeting time, Logan Sanders walked through the door.  

Logan was wearing a crisp black polo shirt and a blue tie, leaving Virgil feeling awkwardly underdressed in his well-worn hoodie — which he had luckily not been wearing the day of the accident.  

“Hello Virgil,” Logan greeted him, making a beeline straight for Virgil’s table rather than the counter to order. “I hope I did not inconvenience you too much.” 

“Uh, no, it’s all good,” Virgil shrugged awkwardly.  

“Ah, I see you have already discovered the bookstore next door,” Logan observed, gesturing to the bag on the table. “I suppose my undiscussed idea to go there after coffee can be crossed off the list of potential activities.” 

Virgil’s face grew hot. Of course Logan had plans beyond coffee, and of course those plans involved books! How could Virgil be so stupid! 

“S-sorry,” Virgil managed to stutter over the staccato of his heart. “I didn't mean to ruin your plans.” 

“Not at all,” Logan waved him off. “I did not discuss my idea with you, and I had no expectations that you were a mind reader. There are plenty of other activities around here, the bookstore is just one thought of many. Have you ordered yet?” 

“Um, no, I was waiting for you.” 

“Excellent! Then allow me to treat you, as remuneration for my tardiness.” 

“Isn’t anticipating your thoughts supposed to be one of those soulmate things?” Virgil asked as they got in line, still hung up on the bookstore.  

“Not at all. In fact, I find open and explicit communication to be much more effective than relying on some sort of soulmate-driven precognition — heaven knows that if I tried to anticipate Roman or Patton’s desires without speaking to either of them first that I would, at least half the time, be wrong.” 

“Right,” Virgil answered, still somewhat skeptical.  

“And even if that were not the case,” Logan continued. “You have met me on two separate occasions, and on neither of those occasions did my love of books come up.” 

Virgil couldn’t press the matter further — not that he particularly wanted to — as they were the next to order. Virgil ordered a plain coffee with cream and sugar since it would be the cheapest option, while Logan ordered a surprisingly foofy drink.  

“Roman called my order of a black coffee ‘boring’ and insisted I try this once,” Logan explained after he’d paid, noticing Virgil’s raised eyebrow. “I am quite hooked.” 

Virgil shrugged, fair enough. Remus had certainly turned him onto his fair share of odd orders over the years.  

“So, what else is there to do around here?” Virgil asked as they waited for their orders. He had expected coffee to be the entire thing, he hadn’t put any thought into other activities.  

“There are quite a few stores we could look at, including an odd gift shop and a music store that has quite an impressive array; there are also three different museums in the area, an aquarium if you don’t mind a slightly longer walk, and a park. I am, of course, open to any other suggestions you may have, but these are the things I know about.” As Logan spoke, Virgil looked for any twitch in his face, any tone in his voice that might suggest which option was his preferred one, but Logan’s genuine demeanor gave nothing away. He sounded just as interested in one option as the next, it seemed it was up to Virgil to choose which one he wanted to do.  

“A music store sounds good,” Virgil said, somewhat noncommittally so he could change his answer if Logan seemed disappointed.  

Logan’s face lit up. “Excellent. The music store it is.” 

Coffee in hand, Virgil followed Logan down the street and around the corner to a music store absolutely stuffed with CDs, vinyl, and cassette tapes. The sheer amount of stuff in such a relatively small space was overwhelming.  

“I know that not everyone is a fan of structured time,” Logan said as Virgil took in the organized chaos. “And I certainly respect if all you would like to do is casually look around, but I have a suggestion if you’d like to have an activity.” 

“Yeah, activity is good,” Virgil shrugged, shoving his free hand into his pocket to hide his nerves.  

“In the interest of full disclosure, this activity is adapted from one of Roman’s favorite date night activities, but I do not believe that there is anything inherently romantic about the activity itself.” 

“Sure.” From what Virgil knew about Roman, romance was kinda his thing, so whether or not this activity would cross any of Virgil’s boundaries — and whether or not Virgil would let it — was now another entry on Virgil’s list of worries.  

“When Roman, Patton and I are here, we are each tasked with finding an album for one of our partners that combines our musical tastes with theirs. I do not know your musical tastes and I do not believe you know mine, so if you’d like, I suggest a music exchange where I will find you an album that I feel is important to me, and you find an album important for you.” 

“Important how?” Virgil asked nervously. Logan was right that this wasn’t inherently romantic, but music was something that could get intensely personal very quickly and Virgil was not ready to bear his soul to Logan.  

“In any way you choose to interpret it,” Logan answered. “It could be something your parents liked to listen to when you were young, it could be an album that has your favorite song on it, it could be something you pretended to hate in middle school; you do not have to justify your reasoning to me, I merely thought this could be an enjoyable icebreaker, so to speak.” 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Virgil shrugged, mind already racing with possibilities. “Sounds good.” 

“Excellent! Let us reconvene in ten minutes, unless you feel like you need more time, of course.” 

“Sure.” 

It took Virgil a couple minutes to figure out the layout of the store, and then the whole rest of the allotted time was spent trying to choose an album that he knew well enough to justify its importance, but he was emotionally removed enough from that Logan wouldn’t be able to read too much into it. When he finally ran out of time, he panicked and grabbed a CD of The Black Parade — an album he was decidedly not emotionally removed from — before rushing to meet Logan back at the front of the store.  

“Hello Virgil, did you find something?” Logan asked, Virgil had noticed him wandering around the store too, but he didn’t look nearly as anxious as Virgil felt — what if Logan hated emo music and decided never to talk to Virgil again? 

“Yeah…” Virgil fiddled with the plastic case in his hands. “It’s stupid.” 

“No such thing,” Logan replied, matter-of-factly. “If you asked Patton to do this, he would likely bring you a CD from the television program Arthur; Roman would likely choose multiple CDs as one would not be enough; I do not consider either of these choices to be ‘stupid’.” 

“The… the children’s cartoon?” 

“Yes.”  

“…okay. Uh, here,” Virgil shoved the MCR CD at him. “Is that how this works?” 

“Thank you, Virgil. This one is for you.” 

Logan handed him a CD of 8 Mile. Virgil blinked at it. People could like any genre, of course, but Logan did not strike him as a rap guy.  

“This is the first thing I bought when I got my first paycheck,” Logan explained.  

“C-cool,” Virgil shifted uncomfortably, he hadn’t offered an explanation for his choice, and he wouldn’t unless Logan asked for one, but he still felt like he was failing at something. “Um, what do we do now?” 

“We can look around some more if you would like. I do not mind if you don’t buy the CD, picking one out was just meant to be a small activity.” 

“No, it’s cool. I, uh, I don’t have this one.” Logan smiled and the knot in Virgil’s chest loosened a little. Logan didn’t hate him and he wasn’t completely bombing this social interaction.  

Virgil and Logan spent almost an hour looking around the store together and discussing music. Virgil did end up buying 8 Mile, as well as a couple albums for himself; Logan bought The Black Parade. After the music store, they actually did go back to the bookstore so Logan could purchase a few items from his personal wishlist.  

“Where did you park?” Logan asked as they were wrapping up at the bookstore.  

“I didn’t. I took the bus here.” Virgil had actually been enjoying himself, to the point where he’d completely forgotten that he'd need to take the bus home, but now that thought was at the forefront of his mind. He needed to look up the bus schedule.  

“Ah, well if you would like, I could drive you home.” Virgil knew he’d been trying to be friendly, to help Virgil get home quicker, but Virgil's heart still tried to leap out of his chest at the suggestion.  

“No thanks!” He said, much too quickly. “I mean, it’s fine, I like the bus.” 

Logan gave him a strange look, but nodded anyway. “If that is what you wish.” 

“Yeah. Uh, bye.” 

“Goodbye Virgil, I hope the rest of your day is satisfactory.” 

“Yeah, you too.” 

^(^.^)^ 

Virgil's heart didn’t stop pounding until he was off the bus, standing a block down from his building. Logan’s innocent suggestion to take a car had put Virgil so on edge that his phone was barely enough to keep him from having a panic attack on the bus.  

Much to his surprise, Janus and Remus were both sitting at the apartment’s kitchen table when he finally made it up to his floor. Remus’s head whipped around to stare at him with the most heartbreakingly anxious look in his eye while Janus stayed staring straight ahead, a tightening around his eyes was the only indication he’d noticed Virgil’s arrival.  

“Um, hey,” Virgil waved at Remus awkwardly, hoping that would be enough to get his boyfriend to stop staring at him like that.  

“You’re back late,” Janus commented, still not looking at him.  

Virgil frowned. “Sorry, mom, I didn’t realize I had a curfew.” 

Janus’s fingers twitched around the coffee mug he was holding.  

“Damn right you do, young man!” Remus said suddenly, slightly too loud and with a forced-playful look in his eye. “Your mother and I have been worried sick!” 

Virgil rolled his eyes and tried to get a handle on his temper. “I got you both something.” 

He tossed the octopus at Remus and set the book down in front of Janus, more forcefully than necessary. Janus stared at the book, taken aback; Remus put the octopus in his mouth and shook it like a dog with a toy.  

“Thanks, Virgie!” Remus said after spitting the now wet toy into his hand. “Love you!” 

“Love you too.” Most of the anxiousness had drained from Remus’s face, and the rest disappeared at Virgil’s words.  

Janus pulled the book to him and tapped his fingers on the cover a few times before speaking. “And how was Logan?” 

“Fine,” Virgil answered quickly. “Good. It was good. Nice to hangout with someone as a friend — been a while… since I’ve had a friend.”  

With every word, Virgil could feel himself losing confidence, but when he was done, Janus turned to him with a soft look in his eye.  

“Good, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.” 

Tension he hadn’t even known he’d been holding drained out of Virgil’s shoulders as he returned Janus’s smile.  

“Yeah, it was good.” 

~~~END~~~

I love writing Logan, he can just explain everything without the dialog reading as weird

I got rear ended a few months ago and ever since I’ve been really anxious about cars coming up behind me when I’m stopped (I was stopped at a stoplight when the guy behind me for some unfathomable reason thought the light had turned green and just didn’t realize that I wasn’t moving?), and I can only imagine how bad my anxiety would be if I had actually gotten injured

Soulmates? taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @aeternum-ablaze @misunderstood-shadowling @vash-the-trans-catboy @dazzling-in-diamonds

[lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie]

Fanfic Masterlist

I don't know how I completely forgot to make a masterlist for my fanfics so here it is! This list will be pinned at the top of my intro post as well. Each fic has all their warning tags so read safely!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sticks, Stones, and Words That Do Hurt [ao3 link]

The Favorite Side (Brotherly Creativitwins) [ao3 link]

You And I (Logince) [ao3 link]

A Prince And His Subjects (DLAMP + Brotherly Creativitwins) [ao3 link]

Balloons (Logicality)

Roman's Lullaby (Platonic LAMP)

Goodnight, Family (Platonic LAMP)

You're My Hero! (Logicality)

Mornings Together (Platonic LAMP)

Thanks, Dad (Platonic LAMP)

The Sunrise (Logicality)

Not Even Death Will Do Us Part (Past Roceit + Brotherly Creativitwins) [ao3 link]

He Loves Me, He Lied To Me (Roceit) [ao3 link]

Crayons For Patton (Royality)

Logan The Android (Analogical)

Do It For You, For me (Analogical)

The Quiet Game (Past Moceit + Brotherly Creativitwins)

A Supernatural World: Chapter 1, Chapter 2 (Brotherly Creativitwins) (Permanently incomplete)

Prince Of Hearts (Platonic DRLAMP, Prinxiety if you squint) [ao3 link]

Merry Christmas, Janus (Roceit)

Royal Promise (Brotherly Creativitwins) [ao3 link]

I'm The Star (Platonic Royality)

Bruised Ego (Roceit + Brotherly Creativitwins) [ao3 link]

Drift Away (Brotherly Creativitwins)

The Night Will Be Over Soon (Platonic Royality)

Protect Me (Logicality)

Paint War (Platonic LAMP)

A Blanket Fort Kind of Day (Platonic LAMP)

Bad Liar (No pairings)

Breaking Point (No pairings)

Drunk Host, Drunk Sides (Slight Prinxiety, Slight Logicality)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bad Things Happen Bingo Fic List

Going Into Hiding

Bedside Vigil

Wiping The Other's Tears Away

Big Brother Instinct

What Have I Done

Hallucinations

Backhand Slap

Forgetting To Eat

Sleep Deprivation

Hidden Scar

Rendered Mute

[goldenduckie]

I dare you to rank all sanders sides ships on a scale of 1-10. At least, as many as you can think up of.

OOO SOUNDS FUN ANON! Ill try to get as many ships as i can (but not that one, you know which one)

Rankings under cut

btw i used fanlore.org to look for all the ships, so idk if each of the ship names are right

AND THIS IS JUST MY SILLY OPINION! IF YOU DISAGREE THATS ALRIGHT THIS IS JUST WHAT I THINK!

Loceit: 8/10 Really good, love it, love the content of it

Moceit: 50/10 MOCEIT IS MY OTP! MY EVERYTHING, MY ABSLOUTE FAVOURITE SHIP

Dukeceit/Demus: 7/10 Its really good! Lovee their dynamic, its a shame we dont see these guys interact in the show much :(

Roceit: 7/10 Love roceit, so many angst and fluffy opportunities, honestly love the angst

Thomceit: 5/10 Honestly im not enthusiastic about sides x Thomas ships, but they can be pretty sweet! This ones really good, i see the appeal

Anxceit: 9/10 AHGG THEM! Sooo good! As platonic, romantic, familiar, and bitter exes! Love it! So many fun amd angsty posibilites!

Logicality: 7.5/10 Its so adorable!! I loveee logicality fanart and fics! I really loved logicality when i first joined watched the show, so it gets an extra .5 for nostagic sake

Intrulogical: 10/10 like DUDE INTRULOGICAL MAKES ME FERAL! Its so silly and adorable and freaky ahsxhjlsxkjkjhsx

Logince: 9/10 aaa its sooo fun! Their chemistry is SO INCREDIBLE

Lomas: 5/10 Again, not big on thomas and side ships, but this ones pretty cute

Analogical: 10/10 YESSS! YES YES YES! I COULD TALK ABOUT THEM FOREVER! THEY MAKE ME SOO HAPPPPYYY!! ESPECIALLY AS QPPS!! AAAA I LOOOVVEEEE THEMMM SO MUCH!

Intruality: 6/10 I like it! Its growing on me! Has a lot of adorableness

Royality: 6/10 Love it platonic, indifferent to it as romantic, and its just very sweet and seeing content of it makes me smile

Momas: 5/10

Moxiety: 6/10 again, love it familar and platonic, with a father son relationship! Honestly dont like it romantic

Platonic Creativitwins: 9/10 Yes! The twins! I love them just being chaotic siblings, or even on good terms and having being good brothers to eachother

Intrumas: 4/10

Dukexiety: 7/10 I like it a lot!!

Prinxiety: 8/10 its reeaally adorble, honestly love it lots

Analogince (Lo/Ro/Virge): 7/10 cute!

Romas: 5/10

Thomxiety: 5.5/10 this ones pretty cute

Logicalceit (Jan/Lo/Pat): 8/10 Its content is soo sweet

Intruloceit (Jan/Lo/Rem): 9/10 YEAHH I LOVE IT!! MAKES ME FROTH AT THE MOUTH

Roloceit (Jan/Lo/Ro): 7/10 Seems loevly

Analoceit (Jan/Lo/Virge): 9/10 At first i was indifferent to it, but a certain mutual made me see how amazing this ship is

Intrualceit? (Jan/Pat/Rem): 5/10 i think thats the name

Royalceit (Jan/Pat/Ro): 5.5/10 havent seen much of it, but points for that sick name

Moxiceit? (Jan/Pat/Virge): 7/10 ive seen some cute suff with this, i think thats the name

Anxceitmus (Jan/Rem/Virge): 9/10 YESS! AAAAA THESE THREEE MAKE ME SOOOO INSANE!

Anaroceit/Prinxieceit (Jan/Ro/Virge): 8/10 so much potential for a toxic yoai polycule

Intrugicality (Lo/Pat/Rem): 5/10

Morolo/Moralogince (Lo/Pat/Ro): 8/10 SO ADORABLE

Analogicality? (Lo/Pat/Virge): 6/10 i think thats the name

Anaintrulogical? (Lo/Rem/Virge): 6/10 i can see the appeal, i think thats the name

Anaintruality? (Pat/Virge/Rem): 5/10 i think thats the name

Anaroyality? (Virge/Ro/Pat): 5/10 i think thats the name

LAMP/CALM: 9/10 LOOOVEE IT! I DO NOT MAKE ENOUGH CONTENT OF THEM! ITS SO ADORBLE

DLAMP: 7/10

DLAMPR: 8/10 YES! ONE BIG HAPPY POLYCULE! THE BEST KIND OF SHIP

Thanks for the ask anon! Again, all these rankings are just my opinion, please dont fight me

[prince-rowan-of-the-forest]

silly soulmate au prompt: the characters can see all colors except for the one of their soulmates eyes until they meet them? (from @virgeandhis-pocket-protector)

@virgeandhis-pocket-protector hi :)

Over The Rainbow (1/4) - Patton

-----

Reds oranges and pinks almost always took centre stage in his drawings and paintings - after all, they were the only colours Roman could see, but the backgrounds were always made up of shades of grey - for him - that would be bright, vibrant colours for everyone else. They represented how he saw the world, and being honest… Roman was a little scared for it to change.

Later on, he would wonder why he worried.

He saw blue first.

----

| Ao3 | Next Chapter -> |

Fic Warnings: Nothing overarching aside from Remus being himself - any chapter-specific warnings will be in the notes.

Pairings: DLAMP, platonic creativitwins.

Notes:

This one got away from me a little and now I have a whole college/soulmate au. oops?

I've sat down and written almost 5k in one session... oops???

Anyway, this is eventual DLAMP! Each chapter we get a new soulmate added to the pile :))

I really hope you enjoy!

----

Roman couldn’t see colour. 

That was a common soulmate tell, and he knew it was a soulmate tell and not regular colourblindness because he coud see pink and red just fine. 

What was odd about Roman was just how many colours he couldn’t see. 

He’d been drilled enough by his family and friends - and even a colourblind specialist to make sure this wasn’t just regular colour blindness - to determine which colours he couldn’t see, which was… most of them.

They’d determined he must have at lest two soulmates - if both of them happened to have heterochromia - or at lesat five if they didn’t. There was always the chance for there to be more than that, considering many people had the same eye colours. Though having five was rare enough anyway. Even having two soulmates was rare enough. 

Roman didn’t know how to feel about it. Not entirely. 

He was excited to meet his soulmates - of course he wss! He was Roman, for goodness sake, he wrote romantic poems in hopes that he might recite them to his soulmates whenever he was to meet them. He read romance novel upon romance novel that included soulmates meeting in wondrous ways, he was so excited to meet them. 

Especially the ones with Violet and Yellow eyes, because those certainty weren’t common eye colours - hell, even the doctor had been surprised - by the yellow especially, since purple was at least possible if not rare. 

So yes, as Roman prepared to move states for college, he was excited to find his soulmates. 

But he had also… struggled. 

Roman was an artist. People told him he had a talent with pencils and paints. He loved putting paint down on a canvas, creating shapes and patterns with his brushes - and he’d found a way to make colourblindness almost part of his brand. 

Reds oranges and pinks almost always took centre stage in his drawings and paintings - after all, they were the only colours Roman could see, but the backgrounds were always made up of shades of grey - for him - that would be bright, vibrant colours for everyone else. They represented how he saw the world, and being honest… Roman was a little scared for it to change. 

Later on, he would wonder why he worried. 

He saw blue first. 

—

In college Roman was sharing a dorm room with his twin brother. He’d considered when applying that rooming with a stranger might be a good idea - a way to make a friend, or maybe even meet a soulmate if he was lucky - but in the end he’d backed out. He was glad Remus was coming to college with him, and while he was near certain that sharing a bedroom with his brother wasn’t going to be amazing, it would be… better, than a complete stranger. 

He’d immediately gone about applying for jobs on campus - god knows he needed the money - and that’s where he’d come across Blue, or as he now knew them, Patton. 

It was a rather sunny Saturday morning, and he’d been invited to a campus cafe for an interview after he’d submitted his application a few days ago. The place was nice - Roman had no idea if the walls were actually grey, or if they were just painted a colour he couldn’t see, but it was nicely decorated and smelled like fresh coffee and spice - as a coffee shop should. 

The person behind the counter was currently wiping down the espresso machine - the morning rush had died down by now so the shop wasn’t so busy. They had curly hair that brushed their jaw in a pale grey - Roman couldn’t know what colour it really was, but he suspected blonde from the lightness. They were turned away from him now, but Roman couldn’t help but still think they were pretty.

“Excuse me?” Roman said as he approacthed the counter, “I have a job inter- holy shit!”

“Language!” The person with sparkling blue eyes seemed to say almost on instinct, before gasping in surprise, “You’re orange!” 

“What- oh! Yes! You’re blue!” Roman said, face breaking into a bright smile as he blinked his amber eyes, “And so are the walls in here, oh my goodness!”

The barista - who’s nametag read ‘Patton’ leant across the counter, reaching for him, and Roman stepped closer to take his hands, “This is amazing! I didn’t expect to meet you here - oh! I’m Patton, um, I’m majoring in children’s education, and, uh, uh, what else? Well obviously I work in this shop-”

Roman chuckled, “Easy there - I’m sure we can get to know each other properly soon? I’m Roman, uh- do you have a napkin?”

“Yes, why?” Patton asked, passing him a napkin, on which Roman wrote down his name and phone number in sparkly red gel pen - he carried it everywhere, just in case. 

“I have a job interview I really need to get to,” Roman said, “But here, take this, and we’ll get coffee soon, yeah?”

“Absolutely! Oh I’m so excited - wait - you’re the guy here for the job interview? Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! I’ve made you late!”

Roman shook his head, “No worries, really, I’m actually quite glad about this particular distraction.” 

He winked and then grinned as he watched Patton’s face go red as they started spluttering, before shaking their hands and giggling. 

“I’ll um, I’ll be back with the manager,” Patton squeaked, before running out of a side door in about three seconds flat. Roman couldn’t help but chuckle, unable to keep the grin off of his face - he’d met the first one of his soulmates! Oh he couldn’t wait to tell Remus about this!

—

“So,” Patton said, elongating the vowel as they leant forward to look at Roman, who laughed. They’d gotten coffee as promised, but decided to take a walk through the campus instead of sitting to drink it, “Have… you met any of the others yet?”

Roman took a sip from his coffee, smiling at Patton before looking up at the bright blue sky - Roman hadn’t been able to stop staring at the sky since he’d met Patton, he’d probably painted it enough to make anyone else bored of seeing it by this point. 

“Not yet,” Roman answered with a wistful sigh, “I wonder if we share them all?”

“Id hope we do!” Patton said, nearly hopping with optimism, “I mean, I know some poly people prefer like - relationship chains, but I like it when everyone’s dating everyone, so that would be my ideal - you?”

“Oh same, I think I’d get jealous if my partners were dating people I wasn’t also dating,” Roman nodded, “So we’re still looking for… maybe four people?”

“I still can’t see green, purple, brown or yellow,” Patton said, bouncing on the balls of their feet as they walked, “Oh I can’t wait to see how pretty rainbows are! Or the grass! I’ve been told the grass and trees look lovely.”

Roman couldn’t help but smile at the other’s excitement, “Me too-! I really want to make a big painting symbolising all of us once we’ve all met - using all the colours properly.”

“You paint?” Patton gasped, grabbing Roman’s arm with one hand to stabilise themself as they almost tripped, “That’s so neat! I’m so awful at art.”

“I do!” Roman nodded, before glancing up at the sky as he got another idea… for later, “I’m sure you’re not that bad?”

“I am,” Patton chuckled, “I am that bad, thanks for trying to reassure me, though.”

Roman shook his head, “Maybe I can show you some things.”

“Maybe!” Patton grinned, “That could be fun! Oh - what’s your major?”

Immediately, Roman brightened, “I’m doing theatre, with minors in creative writing and illustration.”

“Wow!” Patton gasped, “That’s a lot! You look happy with it! Are you in the theatre club? I know my roomie Remy is part of it.”

“You’re roommates with Remy?” Roman asked, shocked, “I’m genuinely surprised you’re still sane.”

“Awee c’mon, he’s not that bad,” Patton waved a hand, “I take it that’s a yes?”

“Yeah! I’ve only been to one meeting so far though.” Roman grinned, “But Remy already seems like… he had a lot of character.”

“You can say that again,” Patton giggled, “Okay - next question…. Hmm…. thoughts on cats?”

—

“Hello, I’m-”

“Patton, the soulmate Ro’s been raving about nonstop the past two weeks to the point where I actually went outside to sleep in the dumpster, yea, I know who you are,” Roman’s twin brother interrupted Patton, his giggles counteracting the words, “Not that I wouldn't’ve done that anyway.”

“Remus!” Roman hissed, “You’re gonna scare him off!”

Remus rolled his eyes, “I’m not gonna censor myself for your fucking soulamte-”

“Language-”

“-If Patty here can’t handle me he doesn’t deserve you,” Remus continued as though Patton hadn’t even spoken, he walked over and plopped down on his messy bed, “So, have you two sucked face yet or what? Any kinky shit?”

“ Remus! ” Roman cried as Patton squeaked and covered their face to hide the dark blush, Roman did nothing to hide the equally vivid blush on his own face, “ No! ”

“Awee that sucks,” Remus huffed, “What have you two even been doing if you haven’t fucked yet? It’s been like - a month.”

Roman just sighed, “Patton, you don’t have to listen to him.”

“It’s- it’s okay,” Patton said, chuckling awkwardly, “Um, yeah, it’s uh, it’s nice to meet you, Remus.”

“Wow!” Remus grinned, “This guy really is resilient! Maybe he does like you after all, Ro!”

“Of course I like Roman!” Patton yelped, “We just - we wanna wait for a relationship to happen naturally, because being a soulmate doesn’t mean you have to rush into a relationship - and besides, we still have others to meet! I don’t want them to feel left out!”

Remus made a gagging noise before rolling his eyes at Roman, “You really had to find the sunshine one first? Not like - I dunno, someone cool?”

Roman just sighed, “Patton I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay!” Patton giggled, winking at Roman before bounding over to sit on Roman’s bed across from Remus, “So, you wanna hear about the time I beat up a kid outside a Denny’s in highschool?”

“ Do I! ” Remus gasped, grinning and leaning forwards so far that Roman thought he might fall off of his bed - he seemingly pulled a bag of popcorn from… somewhere as Patton began to explain and Roman could already tell that they’d won Remus over with this one. 

Roman couldn’t help but sit down at his desk to listen intently too.

Apparently, the kid in question had been in Patton’s year - a junior, at the time - and had been bullying a few freshmen Patton had been decent friends with at the time. Somehow, Patton defending the kids had gone far enough that they ended up fighting the kid outside a Denny’s at night - and winning, mind you. The kid hadn’t done much bullying after that. 

they’d become something of an older brother figure to the younger teens in highschool - with the teachers not wanting to do anything about reported bullying, someone had to step in. Honestly, Roman was impressed by the dedication that Patton seemed to have for taking care of people.

“That,” Roman said once Patton had finished their story, face a flustered red, “Was…. so unexpected.”

“Not bad, though, right?” Patton asked, worried, “I mean - maybe I should’ve have gotten physical-”

“No man!” Remus interrupted, “That’s so fucking cool, dude, how the hell did you win a fight like that? You look like a breeze could knock you over!”

“Oh, well, I uh, I did a lot of sports as a kid - swimming, gymnastics, some soccer,” Patton listed, “So I got pretty strong, and my mums made sure I knew self defense just in case…”

“That is awesome ,” Roman grinned, “I’m glad our soulmates can count on us to protect them!”

“Aboslutely!” Patton nodded rapidly, “I wouldn’t let anyone hurt any of you!”

“Hear hear,” Roman nodded.

“If anyone hurts either of you I will rip their throats out,” Remus cackled, “With my teeth .”

“Glad to know you got our backs, buddy,” Patton said, giving Remus a thumbs up.

Yeah, Roman thought, t his might work out alright after all. 

---

tags: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @reptilianrapscallion420 @your-local-random-dino @cutebisexualmess @glacierruler @roseianxiety @bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti

| Ao3 | Next Chapter -> |

[thomas-sanders-shipname-glossary]

A thought:

As far as I'm aware, for the sides the popular polyship names are usually just the letters of their names in combination.

For all of them it's DRLAMP (noted even with platonic creativitwins when both of them are involved in the ship but not dating each other, but also probably applies to the same ship with remrom added - I usually stay away from that though so can't 100% say)

DLAMP (all except Remus)

LAMP (all of them except Janus and Remus)

Those are the most common ones, other 4+ polyships are usually referred to with (very confusing) ship names:

Off the top of my head:

Anamocietmus (virgil/Patton/Janus,/Remus)

Analocietmus (Virgil/Logan/Janus/Remus

Analoroceit (Virgil/Logan/Roman/Janus)

Haven't seen it but I'm sure Anarocietmus (Virgil/Roman/Janus/Remus) probably exists lol.

--

There are loads more but I cannot think of any more right now dndjdkdk I'll send another ask if I do

-R👑

Thank you for your contribution! I've cross-referenced them with my spreadsheet!

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Tiny Prince, Crumpled Dreams

Prompts: Hi! I just wanted you to know that your Roman angst fics are amazing, they're really painful and they're lots of fun to read. I dunno if youre taking requests but if you are, could you do a fic where Roman traps himself in a unending nightmare as punishment for hurting Thomas and making the sides hate him, even though they dont. When the sides find Roman in bed upset and not waking up they have to manually wake him up themselves somehow. And then DLAMP hurt/comfort cuddles happen afterwards - transformationloveb

In case prompts are still open, would you maybe consider writing a roceit angst fic where after the events of POF, Roman doesn't use Janus' name and instead calls him Deceit because he thinks he doesn't deserve to use his name (which Janus had given as a sign of trust), but Janus, who was feeling guilty about the whole situation thinks it's a way of mocking and slighting him? Misunderstandings abound until Janus finally confronts Roman and then they start realizing what happened and it turns into sort of a hurt/comfort, with both of them comforting each other. Anyway, I love your fics and I think you're an incredible writer! - residentfangirl2104

Idk if you're taking prompts but I have one if you are! ehhehehe... Maybe there are some of Romans scenes that Thomas cut from the 5 year anniversary video. Because Roman freaked out on camera and later asked him to cut them out OR Thomas cut some that Roman liked out because he didnt like them but oh no, Roman's feelings are now crushed... cue the other sides finding the cut scenes. Angst. HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AND DRINK SOME WATER *Throws a water bottle in your general direction* - anon

Hi! If you're still taking prompts for Sanders Sides, I'd love to see your take on "feeling small" being uncomfortably literal, like shrinking-to-Borrower-size literal. I adore your writing, like, you're up there with SoDoRoses of Love and Other Fairy Tales fame for my favorite Sanders Sides writer. Thank you for sharing your work with us.~ - amaranthinepaladin

your stories are always so good! could i possibly suggest one where roman keeps his dreams in a drawer to look at when he's sad (I got this idea from peter pan but he does already have several things like it in your stories and you do love that roman angst) - impossiblysporadiccreation

First off… your work is absolutely incredible! I can’t tell you how many hours of sleep I’ve tossed aside to read it, every time you post a new fic it absolutely makes my day! Secondly, I have but one simple request, I need Roman to suffer, I simply cannot get enough angst and you do it so well, I mean I love him but at the same time… you know how it is - anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: roman traps himself in a self-depricating nightmare, nothing explicit

Pairings: dlampr, can be platonic or romantic i don’t care

Word Count: 5205

Thomas has lots of dreams.

Roman's job is to take care of those dreams, look after them, do everything he can to nurture them and make sure they grow up to come true one day. But the world isn't kind to dreams, not when they struggle to exist outside of a piece of paper tucked into the drawer of a desk.

...nightmares, though. Nightmares are easy.

So when everything goes wrong and dreams seem impossibly out of reach, Roman reaches for a nightmare he won't wake up from.

“Roman! Roman!”

“Why isn’t he waking up?”

“I don’t know, what—is he still breathing?”

“I’ve got a pulse!”

“Roman!”

———

Thomas has lots of dreams. 

When Roman was—well, when all of them were younger, including Thomas, those dreams would swell and swell and swell into big golden bubbles, floating to the top of Roman’s room. Sometimes he wouldn’t even go to sleep at night, just lying on his bed and staring up at them. The light would bounce around the room and fill it with warm colors, flashes of images of lights on a stage, of walking red carpets, or working on movies that would send them to stardom, or any number of things. How could you go to sleep when something like that was right in front of you?

Then Thomas would be up the next day a little groggy and unfocused and Roman would remember that yes, he had to sleep in order to dream. 

Now that they’re older, the dreams no longer bubble up with such frequency. Instead, Roman keeps them in the drawer in his desk. 

Some of them add themselves to big folders, making the papers crinkle as they shifted together. Some of them were brand new, sitting neatly off to the side in another stack, waiting patiently to be sorted through after everyone was awake. And some of them were on just scraps of paper, jotted down with an impatient hand and tossed inside. 

Roman would sit and go through them at the end of each day, sorting away the ones that could be added to files, which ones needed to be made new, and which ones could be tossed away. Not in the trash, no, but into the unsorted piles, just in case. 

The drawer didn’t have its own compartments, but he didn’t mind. Dreams weren’t supposed to be tightly constrained, they were just supposed to be…guided every once in a while. To make sure they didn’t clash with each other. Especially since Logan and Thomas liked to sit and think together for a long time, sometimes they’d come ask Roman for a file and it wouldn’t do to have the files mixed up. 

…and it wouldn’t do for Roman to accidentally give them his file either.

———

“What happened? Why is he like this?”

“Stay with us, Roman, don’t go anywhere.”

“Wake up, Roman! Why isn’t he waking up?”

———

Roman knows he dreams for Thomas. He doesn’t dream for himself. He can’t. That’s not how his role works. He doesn’t create for himself, he creates for Thomas. 

He learned that long ago, when they’d told him he needs to create good dreams for Thomas, the right dreams for Thomas, ones that would be useful to him and help him be a good person. So he learned that he’s only allowed to be happy when Thomas is happy with his dreams and so he needs to learn how to make them right. 

But sometimes Roman has dreams that aren’t for Thomas. 

When he let that slip, Patton’s eyes had widened and Logan had been quick to explain that it was alright, that was his job, to think of ideas, but they didn’t all have to be good. That wasn’t how having ideas worked. 

(It should be, Roman had thought, that’s what I’m supposed to do.)

So all of the ideas that weren’t for Thomas went in their own folder. Where Roman could look at them and keep them separate and maybe, just maybe, if he found something that could work as a dream for Thomas, he could workshop it into something for Thomas to dream. 

The keyword there was ‘maybe.’

Thomas had his own dreams. Thomas had his own things that he wanted to dream. And Roman was Roman, so he helped make Thomas’s dreams his. And he kept his own dreams separate, because that is what he was supposed to do. 

And when he wasn’t dreaming, when he couldn’t dream, or when his hands started to fade again because he couldn’t believe in himself, he would go find his folder and hunker down under his blankets and he would read about his dreams. 

Sometimes, if he were lucky, he could read a few of the words and close his eyes and have the dream again. Or at least he could lose himself in it enough to forget everything, just for a little while, to disappear into the aether of what it was to be Roman who could dream until he could come back and be himself. 

To lose oneself in the unreality in order to touch the real again. 

When he couldn’t deliver the right ideas for videos, he would lose himself in dreams. 

When he couldn’t suggest the right words for the songs they would sing, he would scan the words until he was so swollen with them that he had to close his eyes to let them free. 

When he couldn’t do his job to make Thomas happy, he curled shaking hands around the dreams and imagined he could.

———

“Alright, Roman, thanks for filming with us today.”

“Oh, but of course! After all, you can’t make a five-year anniversary without me! I am one of the Core Sides, after all!”

“…yeah, buddy, you sure are.”

“Sorry, is that too much?”

“No, no, I mean, it’s in character with what the viewers will be expecting, so…”

“Okay. Got it.”

“Is it gonna be too much for you? This is supposed to be a more serious episode, so I’m sure you could tone it down if you wanted to.”

“No, no, that’s the role we’ve—I’ve built up to, so we can’t have me breaking character here.”

“Alright. Ready?”

“Act One!”

———

Thomas is upset again. And it’s his fault. 

He…they’d worked so hard for the callback! That audition had been stellar, they’d done so well, and the director had even mentioned that they’d been excited for him to do a screen test the next time! 

So of course, he’d been a little overwhelmed to look at the schedule to make sure they didn’t have anything else going on, but come on! It was an Alfred Hitchcoppolucas movie! 

…so yeah, maybe he’d been a bit quick to dismiss the fact that they’d made up their minds to go support Lee and Mary Lee and implied that it would be a waste of time compared to the chance to be in a movie, but…

…and maybe he’d been a bit too quick to speak for Thomas because he wanted to go so badly…

…and maybe he wanted to listen to Deceit because he was agreeing with him…

…even though that’s what happened last time…

…and everyone was saying Deceit was bad…

…but that’s what happened last time with Virgil! Thomas didn’t like Virgil, had even gone so far as to say he hoped and dreamed to get rid of his Anxiety, and what was Roman supposed to do? Roman was supposed to help Thomas achieve his hopes and dreams! And here Thomas had been, explicitly telling him what his hopes and dreams were!

But now Virgil was here to stay and Roman didn’t actually dislike Virgil, and—and if they acted that way with Virgil, they should act like that with Deceit, right?

…right?

“Ooh, I'm afraid that's wrong. It's actually spelled W-R-O-A-M-M-I-N.”

Roman shudders, running his hands over his shoulders to make sure he’s still real. He is Roman. That’s his name, he spelled it correctly, he is here, he is what he is supposed to be. He blinks a few times at his desk drawer and shakes away the last vestiges of Deceit’s voice. 

Shaking fingers reach for the lock and twist, opening the drawer and reaching in for his file. He pulls it out, pushing the drawer shut and walking over to his bed. His shoes land at the edge of the bed as he crawls in, tucking the file under his chin. 

He looks down at the piece of paper in his hands. The words Psycho Godfather Wars II are just visible amidst the tear stains. He opens the folder and slides it inside, closing his eyes and pulling the blanket up over his head. 

He’d been wrong. He sent Thomas to the wedding because that was the right thing to do. He didn’t fight for the callback that everyone had said was so unlikely that they would win because it was the right thing to do. He didn’t bother trying to listen to Deceit and instead listened to Patton because it was the right thing to do. 

…it was the right thing to do. 

So why, Roman thinks as his breaths turn slowly to sobs, does it feel like this?

———

“We’re losing him!”

“Roman? Roman, you’ve got to fight, okay? We need you to stay with us.”

———

“Roman? You here, buddy?”

“What? Yes, yes, sorry, I got distracted. Where were we?”

“Uh, let’s see…ah, yeah. Okay, so how are you feeling about what arc your character’s gone on so far?”

“Ah, yes, my character arc! Truly, the most defining aspect of a story, how you know things have changed, adventures have been had! And, honestly, what an adventure we’ve had over these five years, haven’t we Thomas? We’ve gone on dates, talked about old boyfriends, heck, even found a new one!”

“Well, Nico and I—“

“Oh, I know, I know, it’s too soon, but you can’t blame me for hoping!”

“That is your job.”

“Exactly!”

“…you didn’t answer the question, Roman.”

“Didn’t I?”

“No, you just…kinda talked about what character arcs are.”

“Ah. Well, uh…”

“You gotta speak up, buddy, I don’t think the mic got that.”

“…we haven’t gotten to mine yet, have we?”

“Huh?”

“Well, we’ve had…Virgil’s arc, then we’ve started—mostly through Patton’s, and we’ve introduced some new characters, but I…”

“…you’re saying you don’t have an answer for this question?”

“Sorry. You can cut that out, I think that opening bit can serve as a pretty good cut for someone else.”

“Sure.”

“Moving on?”

———

He knew the wedding would be bad and so he hid. He hid under his blankets with the file tucked close to his chest and his eyes squeezed shut, trying to lose himself in a dream, in something else, just to get away from the way the callback dream burns his hands. But the loneliness wormed its way under the covers and up through his fingers, finding some soft part of his brain to burrow into and make itself at home. 

“Hey. You okay, buddy? You look real sad in this photo I just took. Don’t worry, I’ll crop you out.”

Roman winced, anxiously ripping open the file and scanning it for something, anything, even the stupidest thing to lose them in, to get them out of here, to let them stop hurting here and now, just—just to make it go away. Make it not real. 

But he was real. 

This was real. 

This wasn’t a dream. 

And it dragged Roman through by his ankles, forcing his limbs up by puppet strings and grabbing his mouth so hard there was blood in his smile. 

When Thomas arrived home, he sprung up right away, trying to say something, anything to make it better, but then he remembered. 

This was his fault, so he’s better off staying quiet. So he stays quiet. 

That’s…that’s right.

———

“How do you feel about, uh, talking a bit more about the wedding?”

“Don’t say that word in front of me!”

“…you already used that, bud.”

“Oh, did I? My apologies, um, give it to me again.”

“Are you sure? We don’t…have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, you know the fans will be upset or at least confused if we don’t mention it at all.”

“Yeah, but I can talk about it with the others.”

“Tt, and get what? Patton isn’t going to change his mind, Logan doesn’t want to talk about it anyway, and Virgil and Remus weren’t even there.”

“What about Janus?”

“…what about him?”

———

Roman collapses to the ground, panting and groaning as another bruise opens up on his ribs. 

“Oh, Roman, thank god you don’t have a mustache.”

He throws his head back, gritting his teeth against the pain. 

“Otherwise, between you and Remus…”

A wordless yell escapes his throat as an ice-cold fist plants itself into his stomach. 

“…I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.”

As tears slip from the corners of his eyes, he regrets ever telling Remus he understood what it was like to have your body decide it didn’t want to be real anymore. 

Roman grunts, heaving himself onto the other side as another smattering of bruises emerge. The pain doesn’t waver, only intensifies, as the words echo back and double over on themselves. He squeezes his eyes shut, ignoring the burn as the tears slip saltwater into open wounds, and tries, tries, tries to get away from the pain. 

It’s no use. 

Other wounds, older wounds on the inside add their input as he writhes there. Whispers of wrong, wrong, wrong, and broken promises, and empty words, and loveless lies. A bone-crushing disappointment that makes him want to clutch his hands to his chest, a sick sense of rejection that makes his throat loosen just enough to scream, and the terrible silence of…of…

“I thought I was your hero.”

He thought he was doing the right thing. 

“I thought I was your hero.”

He thought this was what Thomas wanted. 

“I thought…hero.”

He thought…

“I thought…”

He…

———

“Well, for starters, do you want to tell me why you can’t say his name?”

“…I can say his name, Thomas.”

“Okay, fine, why you won’t say his name?”

…

“Take your time, it’s okay.”

“…what right do I have to say it?”

“What?”

“He revealed his name to us, Thomas. To you. That was—that was the most vulnerable we’ve ever seen him, do you know how much trust that took? To do something like that? To make himself that powerless for even a moment?”

“…it sounds like you do.”

“Yeah, because I’ve played it over and over so many times I can practically do it by heart now.”

“Wait, what?”

“…cut that out.”

———

The first time Roman trapped himself in a nightmare, it was an accident. 

Thomas had seen a trailer for a horror movie and Roman hadn’t been able to stop looking at it. Couldn’t stop seeing the darkness getting closer and closer, couldn’t keep the feeling of dread from taking root in his chest and pressing against his ribs. 

Remus had been the one to find him, shaking him awake and scolding him that he’s the one that’s supposed to be giving Thomas nightmares, not Roman! Roman had blinked awake, eyes teary, mouth panting, and Remus had taken one look at his face and promptly wrapped him up in a hug, muttering something about keeping squishy little brothers safe. 

The second time Roman had trapped himself in a nightmare, it was an experiment. 

He didn’t know he could do it, it just…happened. Thomas had a bad dream, probably due to how loudly Virgil and Remus had been fighting with Patton over something and Logan had huddled outside his door to make sure he was alright. Roman had said he was, sending him away, only for a crumpled scrap of paper to appear in the desk. He’d looked at it, mouth dropping open in horror as he realized what it was. 

But he hadn’t been able to stop reading. 

The words had swallowed him whole, drowning him in a sea of letters that opened the door to the unreality and sent him spiraling down, down, down where he would never be found again. He only managed to claw himself out of it in time for Thomas to wake up when he’d spotted a gap. 

He hadn’t closed the desk drawer. 

He burst from it into his room, crumpling the page up and locking the desk drawer tight, scrambling away to catch his breath. His chest had been on fire, his limbs aching and numb, his face wet with tears. 

It was over, but he…he figured out what it was. 

The third time he trapped himself in a nightmare, it was on purpose.

———

“He’s fading again, we need to wake him up now!”

“I don’t know how! Has this ever happened before?”

“Roro, you—you gotta let us help you, please, you—you have to—“

“Remus, are you sure this worked last time?”

“It did! I don’t know why it’s not now!”

“Roman, please, wake up, wake up!”

———

“Okay, okay, I will, but…can you at least answer me? Even if it’s not going in?”

“You’re not going to move on until I do, are you?”

“I mean, I will if you really don’t want to answer…but I think you do.”

“When did you get so perceptive?”

“Five years, Roman, that’s a lot of time.”

“…yeah, I guess.”

“So…what did you mean?”

“Thomas…I know I’ve…been the bad guy.”

“What? No, no, you haven’t, Roman, you’ve—“

“Let me finish, please?”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s alright, I just…hhh, I have…I have been the reason a lot of things have happened recently, if not directly, then…at least I’ve had some big role.”

“Roman, it’s not like we have a big cast here, everyone has.”

“Thomas, I’m the one who sent you to the wedding. I’m the one who decided it was a good idea to try and lie to Joan. I’m the one who pushed you until Remus showed up.”

“Roman—“

“I’m the one who mocked Dec—the one who ruined and hurt someone when they were the most vulnerable.”

“…Roman, that day was hard on everybody. You’re not the only one who hurt someone.”

“No? I’m the only one who actively did something that I knew was going to hurt. I’m the one who pressed ‘ignorant,’ I slashed Logan, and I…well, we all know how I left that video.”

“…I…”

“It’s okay, Thomas, you can say it. I’ve accepted it too.”

“No, that’s not it, I—wait, you what?”

“…Thomas, I can’t say his name. I—I haven’t earned it. He offered that as a sign of trust, and I—well, I did a great job of proving why I don’t deserve it.”

“But you—he—he hurt you too, Roman, I know he did—“

“And? He didn’t use that hurt to deliberately make me feel like the worst person in the world!”

“…isn’t that what happened right after you…said what you said?”

“Yeah, right after I proved why I shouldn’t be trusted with something like that?”

“…yeah.”

“Yeah.”

…

“…look, I’m not—I don’t dislike him. I don’t. I…he’d be a better main cast member than I would.”

“Whoa, whoa, wait, Roman—“

“Come on, Thomas, you’ve seen the fans. They love his character, if not as a person, then as a character. They went crazy for his arc, they eat up every single interpretation they can, they—god, have you seen how much content is about him?”

“…yeah, but they love you too, Roman.”

…

“…sorry.”

“It’s not your fault I can’t believe you.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No, Thomas, that’s…that’s mine.”

“…so what do we do?”

“There isn’t much we can do. I…I have to work on earning his trust, we still have a show to do and we have arcs planned, it’ll be worse if we throw them off the rails now. We just have to—I just have to get my shit together.”

“Don’t let Patton hear you say that.”

“Then I guess you’d better cut all of this out and put it where no one can find it.”

———

Remus’s nightmares send you deep into unreality. They bent the shadows to their will and drowned you in the worst version of what if, what if, what if? You got caught in swirls and swirls of the worst your imagination could come up with, taunting you with how deeply they could pull you in and make it impossible to find your way out. 

That’s why Logan was so good at pulling you out. It wasn’t real, you could ground yourself in that. It wasn’t real, it couldn’t hurt you, it was just in your head. 

Roman’s nightmares hurt because you know they’re unreality. 

You are not important. Only in the unreality are you important. 

You are not kind. Only in the unreality are your efforts actually appreciated, are they worthwhile. 

You are not wanted. Only in the unreality are you wanted. 

Only in the unreality can you walk among them like they’re your friends, your family, and not be so small that they could crush you beneath their weight. 

Only in the unreality would they care enough to find you when they haven’t seen you in days, enough to break down your door out of worry. 

Only in the unreality would they desperately run to Thomas to ask what’s wrong, only then would Thomas show them the footage he promised to delete. 

But this is not unreality. 

This is real.

———

“Roman,” someone is calling, “Roman, please.”

“He’s—he’s moving! Look, I saw his hand move!”

“Roman, Princey, can you hear us?”

“It moved again, Roman—“

“Roro, wake the fuck up!”

Roman’s eyes creak open slowly, moving around to drag his blankets over his head. The blanket won’t move. He tugs it harder. 

“Yes, Roman, it’s alright, we’re here, we won’t leave, you’ve got me.”

“Logan, bring him closer to the desk, we don’t want him to fall.”

“At this rate, he won’t, not with the grip he’s got.”

“Awful strong for a little guy, isn’t he?”

“Roro?” Remus sounds close. “Roro, can you hear me?”

Roman blinks. And blinks. And blinks. 

“R-Remus?”

Remus’s giant face splits into a grin. “Oh, thank Kraken tentacles, you’re okay.”

“He’s about two inches tall,” comes Virgil’s voice from over—oh, he’s in Logan’s hand—wait, he’s what?

“Roman,” Logan’s voice says sharply, “Roman, hold still, I don’t want to drop you.”

Roman freezes, then slowly looks down at his hands. He’s…he’s clutching a watch band. A watchband where the face of the watch is almost as big as he is. He’s being cradled in…

“Easy,” Logan soothes, bringing his other hand up to hold Roman more securely, “I won’t drop you. Just let me set you down, alright?”

“Make sure he’s got something from one of us to hold onto,” Remus says as Logan eases him onto the desk, “otherwise he’ll think we’re leaving.”

That is precisely the bolt of fear that shoots across Roman’s mind as Logan's hands start to move away, but then Remus is jumping onto the desk and sliding his own palm down to him. 

“Jesus Remus, don’t crush him!”

“I know, I know.” He softens his voice and leans down. “Hey, Ro-Bro, you feeling small?”

Roman just nods dumbly.

“That’s okay, you’re okay, do you wanna come here and hold onto me?”

Roman struggles to stand up but he—

“Whoa!” Virgil dives forward and holds his hands near the edge of the desk as Roman wobbles dangerously. “Calm down, Princey, you’ve—well, you’ve been asleep for who knows how long and you’re tiny, take it easy.”

“I—I—“

“Shh-shh-shh,” Logan murmurs, bending down so Roman can see him, “it’s alright, Roman, you’re okay. You’re just small.”

Roman looks around, trying to figure out what happened, why he’s like this, when his eyes land on the open desk drawer and the crumpled-up piece of paper.

Remus follows his gaze and his eyes widen. 

“Oh, Roro…”

“What?” Virgil stands up quickly. “What is it?”

Remus swallows with difficulty, picking Roman up as gently as he can and cupping him against his chest. “It’s okay, now, Ro, we’ve got you, you’re okay.”

“Remus, what’s happening?”

“Roman trapped himself in a nightmare,” Remus explains in a quiet voice, “and he’s…he’s having trouble coming out of it.”

“…he imagined he was small?” 

“No, Emo, he—he’s—“ Remus lets out a frustrated noise. “He’s done this because he feels bad about everything that’s been happening and he’s made himself feel small.”

“…so the stuff that we watched, that was…real?” Logan’s face pales. “Oh, dear…”

“Is he awake?”

“Is he alright?”

“Whoa,” Remus growls as Patton and D—someone else slams through the door, “easy, you two, don’t freak him out.”

Patton doesn’t pay much heed to the warning and bustles over, letting out a wounded noise at seeing Roman curled up and clutching Remus’s sash, his hands flying to his mouth. 

“Oh, Roman, kiddo, I’m so sorry.”

“P-Patton?”

“Yeah, sweetheart, it’s me, I’m right here.” He reaches out a trembling hand and carefully pats Roman’s back. “It’s okay.”

Roman shudders at the warmth of it, letting Remus relax his grip enough to set him in his lap. He looks up at the sea of concerned faces and tries to find the words to explain what’s happening. Or ask them to explain what’s happening. 

…or maybe this isn’t real either. Maybe he’s still—

“Hey, nuh-uh,” Remus says, gently tugging on his shirt, “you’re awake now, Roro, you’re here with us.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. See?” Remus gives him the gentlest prod to his stomach. “Real. Right here.”

“Then why am I still sm—small?”

“You’re overwhelmed, little one,” Logan says softly, “and you’ve—well, from what it sounds like, you’ve been trapped in a nightmare for at least a week. It might take a while for everything to…wear off, so to speak.”

“Come on, Roro,” Remus says, scooping him up again, “let’s get you to your bed, that might help.”

Roman clutches Remus’s sash and the others give them a wide berth as Remus sets him down on his bed. As soon as he does, something bubbles in his chest and he gasps. 

“There,” Remus murmurs, “let’s get you out of there, huh?”

“What—why—“

“Unreality,” Remus says as the others crowd around, trying to ask questions, “it’s the stuff we use to make dreams. If you spend too long in it, you can—well, it can get stuck to you. Then you gotta find a tether or something to pull you back out.”

“And in this case…” Virgil touches the covers. “It’s Roman’s bed?”

“This is where you come when you’re done, isn’t it, Roro?”

Roman nods, too busy trying to worm his way under the covers. 

“Oh, shit, I gotcha—there,” Remus’s voice grows muffled as he drapes the blanket over him, “now you just stay under there for a second, Roro, you’ll be okay.”

Roman closes his eyes and tries. Tries to be here, tries to be real, tries—but the unreality clings to him and he can’t. It’s too—it’s too perfect. This sounds like something that he would break just because he could and he can’t believe this. It’s too close to what he wants. 

Then there’s a soft murmur and a hush falls over the room. Roman stills, trying to figure out what’s going on, before a gentle weight touches the blanket over him. 

“Sweetie,” someone murmurs, and Roman’s eyes shoot open, “sweetie, I’m not sure if you can hear me, or if…you can tell, but I don’t have my gloves on right now.”

Something in Roman’s chest burns. 

“I saw the footage, sweetie,” the voice continues, “I…I’m so sorry.”

No. No, this…this can’t be real. 

“I didn’t mean for this to happen, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” A sniffle. “And I definitely didn’t mean to hurt you like this.”

Roman’s body starts to tingle. 

“It’s not your fault, Roman, I promise. You don’t have to blame yourself like this, or punish yourself like this.” They swallow heavily. “Or…or for what I did to you.”

He wouldn’t imagine this. He wouldn’t dare. 

“You can use my name if you want to, Roman. I promise.”

“J—“ He chokes. 

“Yes, sweetie, it’s okay.”

“J-Janus?”

“Yes, sweetie, it’s me, I’m right here, why don’t you shake off the last of the nightmare so we can take care of you?”

“You’re—you’re really here?”

A soft chuckle. “Come on up here and see for yourself.”

———

The desk drawer slides shut with all its papers, except a crumpled piece of paper that lies in the trash can.

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[thatgenderlessentity]

Roman- What do you think you're doing?

Virgil- Please. Don't try to stop me. This is the only way to save Logan.

Patton- We're not trying to stop you. We wanna come with you.

Roman- Look, we could do the whole "You can't come with us, it's too risky" thing.

Janus- Or you could just accept that we're coming. Because we are.

Source: She-ra

[my-happy-little-bean]

The Rainbow Manor

pairing: platonic DLAMP  words: 5138 warnings: swearing, references to homophobia, toxic/homophobic parents, brief description of a small injury, blood, brief descriptions of panic/anxiety attacks, crying, angst

a/n - hello friends! hope everyone is doing well! i was lucky enough to be commissioned by the lovely @youronelesbianfriend to write this story (side note, their commissions are open too so...whatcha still doin here, go and do that!). i was overjoyed when i saw the prompt she gave me, and had such a good time writing it! (also inspired me to maybe formally advertise commissions? you can peek at my tumblr every now and then to see if i do, but if you also want one you can DM me!)

so without further ado, here is some content ✨

read on ao3!

—

The Rainbow Manor is a lot of things. 

It’s a home for the biggest family that could exist. It’s a safe haven from the cold, stormy outdoors. It’s the kind of blanket made of the same velvet the night sky is made of; it’s quiet, it’s warm, and it’s filled with stars. All it takes is one step inside and you would find yourself filled with a sense of belonging, of hope. 

You could run the furthest distance away from it all, and the Rainbow Manor would always open its doors to you. 

Patton would know. He was the first one to try. 

~*~ 

“Okay, so here’s what happened,” Roman Prince said, looking down at his clipboard as he weaved him and Patton through the halls. “I was going to show the new people around myself, but then I forgot the paperwork in your office — and then I realized, ‘hey, what better person to show them around than The Man himself!’; capital T, capital M!” 

Patton half-heartedly smiled as he snuck a peek at Roman’s papers. 

“How many are there?” 

“Three, so it won’t be too bad. One of them’s Virgil — you remember Virgil, right?” 

“Right.” Patton smiled fondly, remembering Roman’s birthday party last year. Him and Virgil had shown up covered in cake. He never really saw Virgil after that day, but clearly him and Roman stayed acquainted against all odds.

They turned a corner into the break room where three people sat around a table. Roman clapped his hands. 

“Alrighty! Sorry for the wait.” 

All three of them stood up. The one in the black and purple hoodie—the one Patton recognized as Virgil—rolled his eyes. 

“Waiting is part of the contract with you, Princey.” 

Roman faux-gasped. “Hey, that was one time! And if I didn’t take too long that day, we would have taken the wrong cake!” 

“We did take the wrong cake, Roman. That’s why it exploded.” 

“...Oh yeah.” Roman grinned. “Forgot about that.” 

Virgil shook his head, but showed a hint of a smile. Patton took a step forward to extend his hand out to him. 

“Nice to see you again, Virgil!” He then addressed the two behind him. “And if we’re talking cake, I guess you both can call me Patton-cake!” 

The one wearing a black, short-sleeve button up frowned, adjusting their thin blue tie. 

“I read on the website that your name is Patton Morgan.” 

“It’s like patty-cake, but Patton-cake!” 

“...Right.” 

“Ignore my friend’s simply lively commentary.” The last person stepped forward. They wore a pale-yellow button up under a grey vest. “That’s Logan. Do not be astounded by how that pencil is both sharp and dull — he’s always like that.” 

“And that’s Janus,” Logan seethed, crossing his arms. “They’re always like that.” 

Patton chuckled. “Well it’s nice to meet you both. I’ll show you guys around?” 

They all nodded, following Patton as he led them out the door. The icy awkwardness of first encounters fortunately thawed as conversation quickly blossomed. Patton learned that Logan was the new volunteer manager and was close friends with Janus, who was joining the growing team of counsellors. Virgil, on the other hand, was the newly-appointed social media and communications coordinator; a position Roman used to double as alongside being head of recreation and programming, until he overdid it with the website graphics and crashed the site for two days. Sometimes, change was necessary, Patton learned. 

“So that’s pretty much the whole place!” Patton said brightly at the end of the tour, stopping outside his office. He handed them their job description packages. “I hope you all get situated soon! And if you ever need anything, you now know where my office is!” He motioned to the door with jazz-hands. “Here!” 

“Thank you, Patton,” Logan hummed. He looked around idly. “I must say, I am rather impressed by how well-established and organized the facility is, especially for one that is fairly new.”

“Well call me corny, ‘cause all I can say is ‘aw shucks’!” Patton beamed. “You know, if you told me almost a year ago that I’d be standing here today, I think I’d be impressed too!” He nudged at Roman. “But I obviously didn’t do any of it alone. It’s the people that really make this place home — people like Roman, who’s been with me since the very beginning!”

“Oh, Patton! You make me sound like the hero of this place.” Roman pretended to flip his hair. “So thank you!” 

“A humble hero,” Virgil retorted. Roman just stuck out his tongue at him.

“But in all seriousness, Patton’s downplaying his efforts to the floor!” Roman wrapped an arm around Patton’s waist and pulled him in close. He waved out in front of him. “He’s a true phoenix who rose from the ashes and built this place with his own two hands!” Roman then spun Patton away from him, a trail of giggles following suit. “Plus he does a bunch of other stuff too! He has, like, a gazillion side-gigs, he sometimes volunteers at an animal shelter…” 

“It sounds like you may also be interested in a day off,” Janus piped up.

“It’s really not that much!” Patton awkwardly shuffled where he stood. “I...I like staying busy.” 

Janus tilted their head at him. “Right.” 

Patton shot them a quick smile before diving back into the end of their paperwork. Then the three of them, along with Roman, said their goodbyes and scattered to their respective offices. 

Patton leaned against his office door with a wry smile. They all seemed like nice people, he thought. He was lucky to have them. 

(Roman’s words from weeks ago echoed in his head; the same words that were said to him the night of his first breakdown, when they first called.

“You need all the help you can get, Pat.”) 

And he needed all the help he could get.

~*~ 

A few days later, Patton found himself leaning against the front of his desk, outstretching his hand towards the teen in front of him. 

“Jonah, your feelings are valid, no matter what they are.”

The words slid off Patton’s tongue almost effortlessly. Jonah sniffled. 

“I know, Pat. And– and I’ve already made a lot of friends here that have told me that. It’s been so good for me here, but…” Jonah buried their face in their hands. “Every night before I go to sleep, I can’t stop thinking about what they told me before they kicked me out. It’s like I get tunnel vision. I can see the person I have grown to be on the other side, but all I’m doing is going backwards.” 

Jonah looked up at Patton with teary eyes. “And I don’t wanna go back, Patton. I...I don’t want to go back.”

Patton felt a chill run through his spine. Quiet echoes buried themselves in the back of his mind. 

“I understand that it’s difficult to feel like you’re moving forward when it feels like the most important people in your life are pushing you back. And it...it sucks. I’m so sorry.” Patton swallowed down the temptation to cave as he continued. “I...I think all we can do is remember that those important forces in your life aren’t what’s given to you, but are what’s found. And I feel like you’ve done a lot of searching — for now, try and let yourself be found.”

Jonah broke into a small smile. Before Patton knew it, the teen stumbled forward into an embrace, holding Patton tight and crying. Patton’s hands hovered in the air behind their back, unsure of what to do. Eventually, Patton came to his senses and hugged them back. 

“I’m thankful I found this place,” Jonah mumbled into Patton’s chest. “It’s– it’s built on a lot of hope. I don’t think I could have found it anywhere else.” 

Patton’s heart shattered.

‘I wish I could give you more.’ He squeezed Jonah tighter. ‘I’d give you all I had, and you’d never know.’ 

Jonah left a few minutes later, thanking Patton for giving them a space to be honest. All Patton could do was nod numbly. He knew Jonah was new and it was hard to be new here, but Patton was certain that they’d find their place. The kids who came here always did. 

Patton walked around his desk to sit down. He took one look at his phone, frowned, then set it aside with a sigh. For a brief moment, Patton relished sitting in the precious silence that finally found his office. 

Then, a knock on his door. 

“Come in!” Patton said, straightening up and folding his hands neatly on his desk. The door cracked open and Logan’s head peeked in. 

“Is this a good time, Patton?” 

“Yeah, of course!” 

Logan stepped inside and handed some papers to Patton. 

“I filed through the volunteer applications and started arranging interviews in the coming weeks. I just wanted to run the dates by you before I start contacting people. Hopefully they suffice.” 

“Wow! Thank you, Lo.” Patton took the papers, slowly sifting through them. “These look really good! I’ll have a look at them tonight.” 

“Tonight?” Logan echoed. “Are you staying late again?” 

“Oh! Yeah, I am.” Patton shrugged. “Just a bit of extra paperwork.”

“Well if you require any assistance tonight, I can stay around–”

“No, no! That won’t be necessary.” Patton waved his hand dismissively. “Go and enjoy your night, Lo.”

Logan’s stare seemed to bury itself through Patton, enough for Patton to look away. 

“...Well, please do not hesitate to let me know if you need anything else.”

As Logan was leaving, Patton felt his phone buzz. He snuck a peek and paled.

‘Missed call(s): Mother (2) - 5:34 PM’

“Um, leave the door open, Lo!” Patton suddenly blurted out. Logan turned around and tilted his head. Patton flimsily added, “I– I think I’m going to try and get some air.” 

Logan nodded, lifting his hand off the door handle before walking out. Patton took a deep breath and then stuffed his phone in his pocket before leaving as well. 

—

Later that evening, Patton wandered into his office in a daze. He turned the lights on and inwardly groaned at the stacks of paper awaiting him. 

He dragged his feet to his desk, only stopping to check his phone. The ‘missed call’ notification lingered, except now the number was ‘3’. 

Patton felt his jaw tighten. He couldn’t run forever. 

As he sat down, he noticed a small cup behind one stack of paper. He grabbed it. The smell of coffee swarmed his head. He smiled, noticing a small sticky note on its side. 

“Keep up the great work. Your friend, Logan.”

 ~*~

“Okay everyone! Grab your brushes!” 

Patton blinked. Somehow, his memory of the manor floors failed him, and he ended up in the recreation room. He felt eyes stare up at him, Roman’s included.

“Ah, Patton! Man of the hour! What brings you here?” 

Patton sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I, um, got lost! If you could believe it, heh.” 

“ ‘Lost’ is just a way of saying ‘found, but with a few extra steps’!” Roman motioned to an empty seat. “How about you join us for a bit?” 

Patton opened his mouth to protest, though felt cornered by all the expectant stares. He even spotted Jonah, who smiled and waved at him. Patton sighed. He had been wound up for days now; perhaps Roman’s theatrics was all he needed.

He finally nodded, going over to sit in front of the vacant canvas. Roman grinned at him with a warmth Patton let himself melt into. 

“Alright! Let’s begin.” Roman cleared his throat. “I want you to pull on the colours of your heartstrings. Forget form, structure– even an outline. Your emotions know no bounds, after all! Just remember, your hand is not controlling the brush — it’s your heart.”

Patton felt the words wash over him. Roman, of course, was right; he didn’t even notice his hand moving as he painted. Though somehow, it didn’t feel as peaceful as Roman described it to be. Instead, it felt like something was being pulled out of Patton, as though a claw was scooping something out of his chest and spilling it onto the canvas. 

Suddenly, his ringtone cut through Roman’s monologue. Patton jumped, dropping his brush. A line of paint dragged across the canvas as it fell. All eyes were on him again. 

“Um, excuse me! I– I’m just going to take this.” Patton pressed answer without looking at who called as he stumbled out of the room. 

“Hello?” 

“I see you’ve finally answered.” 

Patton’s heart dropped.

—

Roman was halfway through the end of his monologue when, in the corner of his eye, he spotted Patton re-enter the room, head ducked.

“Ah! I’m glad you’re back!” 

Patton nodded, but in the stilted way Roman quickly recognized. His eyes looked Patton up and down, barely listening to Patton’s stammering apology for interrupting. His hair was disheveled, which meant he ran his hand through it far too many times. His eyes were red, his jaw was tight– 

He was crying. 

“Anyway, I’m sorry again for leaving so soon!” Patton’s voice brought Roman back to reality. “Keep painting you guys! I gotta Van-Gogh!” 

A shaky laugh followed Patton out. Roman frowned, but he nodded for everyone to continue. He passed by Patton’s canvas and snuck a peek. 

It was rather abstract, with overlapping strokes forming a gradient. Roman’s gaze followed the gradient downwards. The canvas was filled with dull blues that turned into darkening greys. Towards the bottom was a thin line of black trailed all the way to Patton’s paintbrush, abandoned on the floor.

 ~*~

The sun sets on a long railroad, it goes past the horizon, it outstretches a hand like it’s beckoning, it’s begging you to run, run faster, everything is going faster and they just told you to go so you have to– 

“Pat?” 

Patton shot up in his seat with a yelp. He blinked quickly, vision focusing on the silhouette of–

“Virgil!” A strangled laugh escaped his throat. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in!” 

Virgil replied simultaneously, “No, I’m sorry, you just weren’t answering and I got worried, but I didn’t realize you were sleeping–” 

“Sleeping?” Patton looked down at the time. 5 PM. 

“Oh sh– shoot, I’m gonna be late.” 

“Late for?” 

“Animal shelter,” Patton mumbled, stumbling out of his chair and grabbing his bag. “I forgot that I said I’d come in today– gosh how could I forget–” 

“Hey.” Virgil rested a hand on Patton’s shoulder before Patton could go spiralling out the door. “Deep breath. I’ll drive you, it’ll be okay.” 

Patton opened his mouth to protest, but remembered the time. He sighed and motioned wordlessly at the door. Virgil nodded, leading the two of them out towards the parking lot.

“Anyway, I’m sorry if it’s a bad time, I was just hoping to run some website revisions by you,” Virgil said as he started the car and backed out of the lot. Patton shakily smiled. 

“No! It’s not a bad time at all, you can tell me about your ideas as you drive!” 

“There’s not much. I was just thinking of ways to maybe make it more approachable. There’s not even really an ‘about us’ page or anything about you–” 

“Why would there need to be anything about me?” 

Virgil looked at him, almost confused. “It’s an amazing organization, Pat. Your name should be up there, especially as the founder…?” 

“Oh! R-Right.” Patton let out a sharp laugh. “I guess I never thought about it before.” 

“I could put something together tonight, I was just thinking it'd be cool to hear you talk about it.” Virgil turned at an intersection. The sign of the animal shelter soon came into view. 

“I guess that’d be a good idea!” Patton shrugged. “But there’s, um, not really anything interesting to know.” 

Virgil frowned, falling quiet as he parked the car. When they stopped moving, Virgil turned to face him. 

“Say, would it be okay if I joined you?” Virgil shuffled awkwardly in his seat. “I, um, have a bit of a free night, and I was thinking that maybe I could just ask you stuff for the website now so I don’t have to bother you later…?” 

Patton’s eyes lit up. “Oh, that sounds perfect! Liz will probably be okay with it. I think it’s bath night for the dogs, and we can always use an extra hand with that!” 

Virgil chuckled, following Patton out the car and into the animal shelter. 

Patton gathered the energy he had left to greet Liz and everyone else, already cooing over the various animals he and Virgil passed by. They reached the back and, with only a bit of struggle (Patton would never admit to these cute dogs being a struggle), took each dog a bath. All the while, Virgil asked Patton questions about the Rainbow Manor and his life in general, which Patton did his best to answer.

“I ended up founding the Rainbow Manor a year after I graduated.” Patton wiped his brow as they finished drying the last dog. “I had been living on Roman’s couch for so long after being kicked out and I just wanted to turn it around; not only for myself, but for other people.”

Virgil’s stare softened. “I– I’m sorry. N-Not about how you founded the place but, like...why you felt like you needed to. That must’ve been hard.” 

“Yeah.” Patton forced a shrug. “It is what it is. Sometimes, you have to get lost to be found, right?” 

“Right.” Virgil looked up at Patton. “Do...do you still keep in touch with them? Your parents, I mean.” 

Patton felt his heart squeeze. 

“It’s been so long,” he finally said. “I doubt they’d want to talk to me.” 

—

Virgil offered to drive Patton back, but Patton insisted on taking a cab home. Virgil reluctantly conceded, but promised to email Patton when he drafted the additions to the website. Patton just nodded and watched Virgil drive off. 

When he was sure that Virgil was completely gone, he shakily pulled out his phone and called a cab. 

“Hi! I– I just need to go to The Rainbow Manor,” he said to the driver as he climbed into the car. He found himself laughing. “Long work day. It is what it is.” 

~*~

Days passed, and Patton’s workload somehow doubled: new admissions, new initiatives, new everything. 

(And his mother kept calling. And calling. And calling.) 

To say it was a lot was an understatement. 

Patton found himself going back and forth along the manor halls, forcing a smile at those he passed. He closed his eyes, turning a corner before he knocked into someone. 

“Crap! I– I’m so sorry.” Patton quickly scrambled to gather the papers that had fallen onto the floor. 

“Oh, don’t apologize, I always thought that important documentation would make for good confetti– ah, hello, Patton.”

Patton looked up. Janus appeared above him, outstretching their hand to help Patton up. Patton took it, scooping the papers up as he went. 

“Janus! Hi! Well, if you’re looking for me...here I am!” He laughed, though it sounded scratchier than expected. “Everything okay?” 

“More than, thank you. I just wanted to follow up about my schedule for the new admissions? You mentioned yesterday that I should come to you but I couldn’t find you…” 

Patton winced. His chest tightened.

“F– I forgot, goodness how am I always–”

“It’s quite alright, Patton, I can always–” 

“I–It’s not okay!” 

In the corner of his eye, Jonah passed by. He felt their wide eyes on him. The air grew thinner.

“It’s– gah, it’s never fucking–”

“Oookay. We’re not okay and that’s...okay.” 

Janus suddenly took Patton’s arm and led him to their office. They swiftly kicked the door shut with their foot as they let Patton settle on the couch. 

“Breathe for me,” Janus said slowly, pulling up a chair and sitting across from Patton. They took Patton’s hand and motioned for him to follow their lead. “In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8…” 

They repeated this a few more times until Patton let go of his head and his breathing evened out. 

“I– I’m so sorry, Janus. I don’t know what–”

“It’s fine, Patton. I’m glad I could help.” A pause. Janus leaned back in their chair. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” 

“No, everything’s fine.” 

Janus raised a brow. 

“Okay, everything’s not fine. But...but it will be fine. I have to be fine.” His mind drifted to Jonah. Patton buried his face in his hands. 

“I can’t be like this,” he said, tears threatening to fall. “I...I just can’t. Not now, this– this can’t be happening now.”

“Unfortunately, these things tend to find us — not the other way around.” Janus squeezed Patton’s hand in a sudden moment of softness. “I...I know what this is, Patton. And I don’t have to tell you what to do because I know you know. You help so many people like you, but remember: when the plane is falling, you have to put on your oxygen mask before you help someone else.” 

Patton locked eyes with Janus for a split second, opening his mouth to respond when he felt his phone ringing. Reflexively, he pulled it out in front of his lap. The air disappeared once more. 

‘Incoming call: Mother’ 

Patton quickly pressed ‘decline’. He then looked up at Janus, whose eyes darted upwards as well. 

Shit. 

“I– I have to go.” 

“Wait, Patton–” 

“Thank you for everything, Janus,” Patton mumbled, and before Janus could reply, Patton sped out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him.

 ~*~

“I just don’t get it,” Roman muttered, leg bouncing under the table in the break room. “I’ve never seen him like this before.” 

“You haven’t?” Janus circled the table like a hawk. 

“What makes you think I have?” 

“Oh, I don’t know! Maybe it’s the fact that he has about a thousand jobs! Or perhaps it’s that he’s been staying overnight every night to work as if he owns the place — oh wait! He does! But I have no idea why that might be stressful at all!” 

Roman glowered at them, but said nothing. 

“I can imagine that his workload presumably doubled this past month,” Logan, sitting across from Roman beside Virgil, adjusted his glasses. “Between the new admissions, growth in our volunteer admissions…” 

“Okay, so he has a lot on his plate!” Roman pinched the bridge of his nose. “But I’ve seen him stressed out about these sorts of things. This is different.” 

“So what else could be on his mind?” Virgil piped up. 

Janus suddenly stopped in their tracks. 

“His mother.” 

Roman’s heart dropped. “His– his what?” 

“She called him while Patton was in my office,” Janus murmured. “He left straight after.” 

Virgil frowned. “Why would he...” 

Roman felt as if he had burst into flames. The pieces clicked together in his head.

“The– the fucking nerve of that woman, I can’t believe she’s still–”

“Roman, what are you talking about?” Logan cut in.

Before Roman could respond, he felt a buzz in his pocket. He immediately pulled out his phone. His breathing hitched. 

‘Help.’

“It’s Patton,” he blurted out, stumbling out his chair and making his way out of the room. Everyone exchanged looks, but quickly followed suit. 

Roman weaved his ways through the halls until he neared Patton’s office. Loud sobs were muffled behind the door. Roman felt his heart breaking already as he opened it. 

And there was Patton, on the floor, crying, and surrounded by shards of broken porcelain. Roman recognized it as a vase he had painted for him years ago. He winced seeing small drops of blood surrounding the pieces. His eyes quickly scanned the room as Logan immediately tended to Patton. 

“What happened, Patton?” Logan murmured as Patton curled up closer to him, sobs still wracking his body.

“I– I’m so sorry.” Each word sounded like it was forced out of his lungs and into the air. “I– I tried to clean up, I’m sorry–” 

“Shh, Patton. It’s okay.” Janus knelt down beside him, carefully lifting Patton’s wrist to examine his hand. A long cut ran across his palm. Janus looked up at Roman and Virgil.

“There’s a first-aid kit in my office, as well as a broom and dustpan. Can one of you grab it?” 

Virgil nodded wordlessly, exiting the room. Roman noticed Patton’s phone beside Patton on the ground, and reached over to pick it up. 

“What did she say, Pat,” Roman asked, fear edging the quiet of his voice. The words seemed to stab at Patton and let out more sobs. 

“She– she found out about everything,” Patton wheezed through tears. “The– the Rainbow Manor, where I am– she wants to take it all– she can’t take it all–” 

“Patton, I need you to follow my breathing, okay?” Janus interrupted, motioning at their chest with their hand as they inhaled and exhaled. “Can you see my hand? I want you to try and follow along, okay? 

Patton numbly nodded, trying to breathe through hiccups and sobs. Janus repeated the exercise with Patton for at least fifteen minutes, with Virgil returning halfway and Logan moving to sit in front of Patton to start tending to the cut. Virgil carefully swept around Roman, Janus, Logan, and Patton on the floor. 

“Whatever she told you, it isn’t true,” Roman said after Patton’s breath had evened out. “She can’t touch you here, not with us around.” 

“I– I know,” Patton sniffled. Logan finished bandaging Patton’s hand and offered him a tissue from the box on his desk. “She said so many awful things, but– but the scariest part is that she didn’t stop at just saying things.” 

“What do you mean?” Logan murmured. 

“She...she threatened to shut the Rainbow Manor down.” 

“What?!” Roman shot up from the floor. “But– but she can’t–” 

“You know my mom, Roman,” Patton whimpered. “She has connections all over the city. If she wanted to, she would find a way.” 

“So why hasn’t she?” Janus asked quietly. A beat of silence. Patton brought his knees closer to his chest and buried his face between them. 

“She– she wants a percentage of the donations,” Patton finally admitted. 

“What the fuck,” Virgil growled, stopping in his tracks. 

“I know! It’s– it’s impossible, I–” Another sob. Logan and Janus moved closer to him, with Janus putting their arm around his shoulder. 

“What did you tell her?” Janus pressed on. 

“I– I told her no! Even if I wanted to, I can’t, but– but what else can I do?” Patton looked at his bandaged hand and grimaced. “And of course she got mad, and I freaked out, and I knocked over the vase– god, Roman, I’m sorry about the vase–” 

“The vase is replaceable,” is all Roman said. “You aren’t.” 

Patton just nodded, looking up at the four of them in his office with teary eyes. 

“What am I going to do?” 

Everyone exchanged looks. Roman lowered himself back to the floor beside Patton and wrapped him in a warm hug.

“You’re not going to do anything,” Roman said firmly. 

“Roman…”

“All your life, you’ve taken care of people like they were your family, Patton. Please, let your family take care of you.” 

Patton sniffled, looking around him. Virgil, Logan, and Janus nodded with small smiles, moving closer to him and joining the embrace. 

And Patton just nodded, dissolving into tears; except this time, Roman could feel the relief from them. He felt Patton melt in his touch and smiled to himself, a similar relief washing over him as well. 

(And for a moment, just a brief moment, Patton was home.)

~*~ 

One week later…

“Keep your eyes closed…” 

“Roman, I don’t know how many more walls I can keep bumping into!” 

“Just a little longer, I promise!”

Patton giggled, letting himself be led by Roman through more halls. Then, Roman stopped him. 

“Okay, you can open your eyes in 3...2–” 

“I’m opening them now, I’m too excited!” Patton squealed, and then opened his eyes. Suddenly, a burst of colour flooded his vision. 

“Surprise!” a chorus of voices exclaimed. 

Patton broke into a wide smile, blinking to focus on the sight in front of him. He was standing in the recreation room, with a big banner hanging from the back wall reading, “Happy Birthday, Rainbow Manor!”. Beneath it was a table with a cake, which was surrounded by Janus, Virgil, and Logan, alongside a bunch of other teens Patton recognized. Even Jonah was there, wearing a small party hat with a confetti popper in his hands. 

Patton felt tears well up in his eyes. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you remembered!” 

“Of course, padré!” Roman grabbed Patton’s arm and led him around the table to stand in front of the cake. “Always normal for a family to celebrate the man who built their home!” 

“Oh, Roman!” Patton leaned against his shoulder, sniffling. “It’s perfect.” 

He then looked at Virgil, Logan, and Janus. “I can’t believe you guys set this all up, it must’ve taken forever!” 

“Actually, it just took a day,” Logan hummed. 

“And the cake doesn’t explode,” Virgil said with a small finger salute. “I checked.” 

“Additionally, we understand that presents are customary at a party,” Logan continued. “So while our present is not materialistic, we do hope it suffices.” 

“Oh?” 

“Sir Nerds-A-Lot is trying to say that we’re pitching in to give you a few days off!” Roman declared. “We handled a few responsibilities over the weekend while you were home, and split your workload for the week ahead! Consider this the fabulous gift of time!” 

“Oh you guys! You didn’t have to!” 

“But we did, and we did so gladly,” Logan said with a nod. 

“Also–” Janus leaned over to quietly whisper in Patton’s ear– “I took care of your mother.” 

Patton frowned. “You...what? Is– is she…” 

“She’s fine, but she won’t be bothering you for a long time.” Janus winked. “Let’s just say I know people too.”

Patton exhaled a breath he felt he was holding onto forever. He nodded graciously at Janus as Roman handed him a cake-cutter. 

“Alright! Before you take the first slice, you gotta make a wish!” Roman motioned at the lit candles on the cake. Patton stepped forward, closed his eyes for a brief moment, and then blew them out. 

Everyone cheered as Patton was surrounded by hugs and laughter. He felt Janus, Logan, Roman, and Virgil crowd around him as they started to help hand out cake to all the teens. 

And in the back of his mind, his wish echoed in his head. 

‘I hope to always be able to share this home with my family.’

[wispandwhispers]

Roman: Virgil stole the cookies from the cookie jar!

Virgil: What, me?

Roman:Yes, you

Virgil: Couldn’t be

Roman: Then who?

Virgil: Loga-

Logan :Let‘s think about this logically, It couldn’t of been me because I don’t really like sweet treats, they leave a nasty feeling in my mouth. It couldn’t of been Patton, he would been more messy at the crime scene. And Remus would of just taken the whole kitchen cabinet which means-

Patton, who has bloodshot eyes and carrying Janus in a vice grip :J̮̌a̡̨̲͗͗̿͞ͅṅ̢̡̻͈̬̌̌̊̒uş̗̮͕̦̋̀͂͘͡ ̡̈s̢̗̠̫̏͋̂͝t̻̪̰͒̾̂o̡͇͔͖̪̿̈́́͘̚l̪̟̩̗̇̾̎̀ě̥̲̌ ̥̉͟͡t̨̺̎͊h͚̩̼͉̎́̎̒e̮̝̹̅͐̆ ̥̐c̣̈́ò͢ơ̮͕̯̓̆̾ͅk̙̄i̝̻̋̓͋ͅę̤͖̫̾̃͂͋s̫͍̀͠ ͉̲̟̠̓̇̈́͂̆͢fr̳̱̙̄̀̍o̬͇͓̻̓̎̆̎̓͜m̖̜͕̀͋̾ ̣͕́̀ṭ͙̼̟̓̀̋̌h̲͙̰͖͓͋̈̀̉́ḙ̡̳̗̙̐͐̊̀͡ ̡͖̲̼̔̿̊͆̕͟c͎̭̀͝o̬̣͗͐o̱̩͔̾̂͝k̹̱̏͡i̗̾e̥̹̙̥͌̇͐̽ ͇̼̞̙̊̊̉̓j̡̺̩̤̰͂́̐̽͠a̳̟͕͛̀͆͟͞r̡̪̮̼̱̀͊̂̄̈

[more-incorect-quotes]

Deceit: What’s it like working with Roman, Patton, and Virgil?

Logan: Imagine working with completely civilized, responsible, and mature people.

Deceit: Okay.

Logan: Now throw that idea out of the window.

[thatonechicken]

Stargazing Gone Wrong

Logan: Ah, yes, there's Orion. But I cannot seem to find his weapon.

Virgil: Aren't those three stars his knife?

Logan: His weapon is a club, and no, it's supposed to be over his head. Oh, there it is! It's right there! I just didn't realize it was that far above him.

Roman: Then what are the stars in between his legs for?

Remus: Maybe that's how they know it's a man!

Roman, covering Patton's ears: Remus! No!!

[sympathetic-deception]

Janus knits/crochets/sews because he's always cold.

▪He'll do this sometimes out of boredom

▪ a tea cozy, gloves, scarfs? Everyone loves scarfs! A blanket, drink coasters, plate mats, table clothes for different occasions etc...

▪One day he is stumped on what to get for a Sides birthday so he makes them something and whoops! Its tradition now for all the Sides to receive a warm something from Janus

▪He Quilted a constellation chart for Logan once

▪He spent so much time on it researching and sketching it out making sure not a single star was out of place

▪ Logan treasures it, he keeps it on his wall as a tapestry, you'll see it on his lap on movie nights

▪ Janus pulls a Molly Weasly (not accurate) and now Remus and Roman both have sweaters that are just so comfy and beautifully designed

▪He spent forever on this project but he Quilted every single one of them all a quilt of their own, magnificent designs:

▪ Remus got the Disney villians

▪ Roman got the Disney Heros

▪ Patton either received an assortment of kittens and puppies or a quilt filled with famILY photos of all the adventures and memories they shared.

▪ Virgil's was a mix of nightmare before Christmas and My Chemical Romance (I've actually got that design in my head and I wish I was creative enough to accurately create it)

▪Logan's [insert previously mentioned star quilt here]

▪The Sides would come to him for repairs,

▪Patton sets his clothing on fire thanks to kitchen accidents or an outside barbeque (looking at you, "Dads big game day tips" video). Maybe his clothes were damaged by sneaking in the cats he's allergic to and damn it Remus you scared it!

▪Remus and Roman will come to him with ripped prince outfit either from fighting eachother or from the adventures they'd take in the imagination

▪Virgils jackets were both made by Janus although Virgil added the stitches himself because no way was he ever asking for Janus' help whenever the jacket worn out. Oops a little sprinkle of angst amongst the fluff

▪Were Logan's buttons loose? Was his ties worn from his nervous habit? Janus help him. He may be knowledgeable but does he have the time with Thomas'/His Schedule? NO of course Not. Help him please!

Feel free to use, tag me.

[ssslimyboy]

Deceit: The other Sides wouldn’t survive without me.

Deceit: Take Patton, for example.

Patton: *falls down a staircase*

Deceit: *catches him*

Deceit: Or Roman.

Roman, to Logan: It’s a beautiful night. Do you know what’s even more beautiful?

Logan, fed up: Me?

Roman: *not prepared for this situation*

Deceit: No, this bouquet of flowers Roman was just about to give you. *hands over bouquet*

Logan: *blushing*

Deceit: And Virgil.

Virgil: *can’t do his eyeliner evenly*

Virgil: Oh my god, this is bullshit!

Deceit: *carefully does his eyeliner*

Deceit: Yeah. They need me.

[will-die-for-janus]

SO in class today (zoom) we started talking about an exercise in which we had to find the perimeter and our teacher wanted to make a simple definition-

“Perimeter the sum of all the sides” so I present you this

Broke: LAMP/CALM/DLAMP

Woke: PERIMETER

[d-c-it]

Oh no, Deceit and Remus broke up.

How does Virgil know? Well, you see...

Deceit. Is getting. F*ck*ng drunk. In the living room.

His hat is off, his hair is a mess and he started sobbing the instant he layed his eyes on Roman.

The worst part is that, for some reason, the others are trying to comfort him.

What the hell?

Patton is hugging him, Logan is pointing out the reasons Deceit is better off without Remus. Roman is trying to make him feel better too! Even tho everytime Roman opens his damn mouth Deceit's sobs get even louder.

Virgil is standing awkwardly on a corner, looking at everyone with wide eyes. He is mad at himself because the only thing that comes to his mind is-

Are my parents getting a divorce?