#the most expensive doll I found that I wanted so badly as a kid was the black Elina barbie from fairytopia mermaidia

[bootyful-seventeen]

Sometimes I really wish I had time travelling powers just to fling myself back to the classic age of Barbie movies in the 2000’s and grab myself the dolls + a few of the fashion sets while they were still affordable

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #399

“i was raised by the devil’s own kin, taught me that a good time was never a sin”

Do you like wine? NOOOOOOO that shit is gross. Explain the grossest thing that's ever happened to you? Having an infected pilonidal cyst drained. Would you rather go on holiday somewhere warm or somewhere cold? Cold, for sure. What would be your ideal pet? I reeeeaaaally want a very visibly sunset morph ball python one day. The really pretty ones are expensive as fuck, but omg, I want one so badly. What was the last book you were required to read for school? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. It was fantastic. Would you chew somebody else's gum? EW FUCK NO. What was the last type of meat you ate? Chicken. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. At what age would you allow your kids to dye their hair? Whenever they wanted, as long as a professional did it. Which fast food place do you eat at the most? Probably McDonald's. Bats are not spooky or are they? I adore bats. Do you like the song "Womanizer?" Unabashedly, yes, haha. I love the beat and it's really catchy. Do you know how to change a tire? Nope. How big is your backyard? Very small. What is your favorite Nintendo 64 game? I've actually never played a Nintendo 64. If you want children, what are some of your reasons for wanting them? I don't want any. Does a career in finance sound interesting to you? Absolutely not. When you cook a dish that has beans in it, do you prefer to use canned or dry beans? I. HATE. Beans. What’s something that makes absolutely zero sense to you? Those that deny the existence of dinosaurs. Fossils don't lie. Do you like strawberry shortcake? No. What’s your favorite dessert? That's so hard, but probably cheesecake. What’s the last you got out of the freezer? Vanilla ice cream. Do you know anybody who is ambidextrous? Sara. Have you ever been 4-wheeling? Yes. Will you be attending any weddings in the near future? No. If you have glasses, have you ever smashed them? No. What was the last thing you got a really good deal on? My APAP mask. Insurance covered it way more than even the women in the office were used to so had to look into it. Insurance has been nice to me lately, from TMS to this. What was the last reason you took medicine? I had a massive headache. Any important birthdays coming up? My older sister's was today, and her eldest daughter's is in two days. Mark's birthday is the 28th, and that's like a holiday in my book lmao. What colour are your headphones? These earplugs are pink. How do you express your creativity? I mostly write RP and rarely poems. I also like to draw sometimes, and I'm big into photography. Gypsies or gnomes? Gypsies. Dragons or fairies? Dragons are my favorite mythological creatures. Elves or pixies? Elves. Where is your favourite place to get breakfast? Maybe Cracker Barrel? Or Waffle House. What was the first sport you learned how to play? I want to say soccer. I hated it. Nickname you’re called the most? "Britt" is the most used. Do you sleep on your stomach? I can't now with my mask. -_- That's how I usually slept. Have you ever been called a bitch? Yes. Would you ever want a super-realistic baby doll? Fuuuuuuuuuck no. I don't like dolls, never mind realistic ones. Ladybugs or bumblebees? Ladybugs. <3 What is the best thing that ever happened to you? My first round of a partial hospitalization program and meeting my psychiatrist. Both that therapy and proper medication is the reason I'm alive. What is something really hurtful someone you love has said to you? That I was an "ungrateful bitch." What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? One for advanced ball python husbandry. There are some SERIOUS elitists in there, but it does have great information. Did your mom ever own a typewriter? I think she did? We used to have one, so. What would you have your bridesmaids wear? Maybe orange. I want to wear a black dress and get married in the fall, so, Halloween vibes! :') Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? I think Alaska. Do you wear a watch every day? I never do. Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? No, thankfully. Not yet, anyway. Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I am much happier with pets. Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. Have you been hurt more by friend break-ups or romantic break-ups? Romantic ones. Who is/was the best friend you have ever had? Sara. Do you own a trenchcoat? No, but I wish. They're badass. Name the hardiest piece of technology you own? My iPod that I've had since middle school. That bitch STILL works, and I use it heavily. Are you currently in a smoking environment? No; people aren't allowed to smoke in our house. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Does anyone you know own a bird that can talk? My old friend Alex did. I don't know if I can call her my "friend" anymore because I haven't seen or heard from her in well over a year at the bare minimum. Do you ever not speak to someone because you’re afraid you’ll annoy them? STORY OF MY LIFE. Is there any drama going on in your circle of friends? No. But I don't really have a "circle" of friends to begin with. Have you ever lost your luggage at an airport? No. Have you ever been on a rollercoaster that actually scared you? I don't go on rollercoasters. If given the opportunity, would you act in a commercial? No. Do you believe in finders keepers in most situations? No. How many pills do you currently take a day? Ugh... Now keep in mind this number encompasses medications that I just have to take a larger dose of that particular med; I don't take this number of different prescriptions. AS a whole though, I take uhhh. Somewhere around nine or ten in the morning, and six at night. I might be off about my morning pills. What do you take medication for? Bipolarity and depression, anxiety, OCD, severe heartburn, even more intense nightmares, uhhh... maybe I'm forgetting others? Idk, man. I'm on too many. Have you ever had a bag stolen? No. What class from high school did you love the most? Art. What class did you hate the most? Economics. If you don’t have a car, do you wish you did? Not at this very moment, because it'd be useless as I don't currently drive. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. What, if anything, do you substitute for fries? I just eat normal fries when they're offered. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? No. Have you ever written a poem for someone? At least twice. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who’s the last person who cussed you out in anger? I think only my grandmother has done that. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve meet online? Sara. Have you friended your parents on FB? Mom, yes, while Dad doesn't have one. What do you absolutely have to have to make your birthday feel special? My family. Mice or roaches? I love mice, but roaches creep me out. Have you ever received a gift and truly did not know what it was? Yes. A family friend is good at that. Is there anyone whose grave you visit? No. Do you like being in pictures? NO. Do you travel a lot? Not at all. Have you ever eaten a dog treat? No. I've eaten a guinea pig treat though, haha. And it wasn't awful. Have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? Yes, but turns out my alcohol tolerance is too high while only liking weak alcohol to begin with. Have you played cards recently? No. Is there a certain song you like to headbang to? I don't do that, I'd get way too dizzy, and besides, I don't want a headache. Anything you might be giving up on soon? I've been wondering if I should (for the most part) abandon human photography. I've lost so much passion for it, and besides, I feel like I'm going nowhere with it. I know I really, really shouldn't, though. Have you ever captured a moth? I put a caterpillar in one of those little plastic habitats once as a kid that grew into a moth. I then released it, of course. When was the last time you changed your picture on Facebook? It's been months. Do you have a really fat cat? No, he's healthy. Do your initials spell a word? No. Have you ever made a business card for yourself? No. Did you love playing hide and seek as a kid? Yes, that was my favorite! Are there any recipes you have memorized? No. Do you know your multiplication times tables? No. Do your parents allow you to have your privacy? Yes. Have you ever been severely burned? No. Did you ever dream that you had a baby? I've had many, actually. Guess with who. What was the weirdest thing you've ever seen cross the road? I want to say a turkey? Or maybe it was beside the road.

[defellz]

Loving Enemies // Hwang Hyunjin

♤ word count - 7,9k

♤ genre - enemies to lovers AU, bad neighborhood AU

♤ warnings - bad language bby

To you moving hadn't ever been something you could have imagined. Your dad had an amazing, well-paying job that seemed to be stable throughout the years. But with the change of management in the company, many of the workers lost their job. Your dad was, sadly, one of them.

Your new home was two hours away from your familiar area, a different town, different people, a different school which you were not ready to change. Without any goodbyes to your friends, you were sat in the passenger seat next to your dad in the moving van, which he had rented with the money he still had left.

You weren't mad at him. Heck, you were thankful he was able to find a replacement for his job, but it didn't pay that well. Late hours as a grocery store manager didn't live up to his previous title. ''Lead manager of the economics branch'' now that sounds fancy and respectful, unlike the title he was currently given. Still, it was better than nothing, with all his experience it was strange how this was the best job he could find.

The summer went by slowly. Most of your days would be filled by talking on FaceTime with your friends back in Irieburgh. They weren't as understanding of your situation and that's when you realized they weren't the dream friends you had always dreamt of.

If anything, they were just similar to you at the time, slightly spoilt and self-centered. You knew they couldn't possibly understand what it's like to have such a huge change in the environment. Even with their rather selfish remarks from time to time, they still talked to you and texted you, so you wouldn't feel completely alone. You could only assume that this was what "pity" truly meant.

At night time you could hear the occasional gunshot somewhere on your street, the idea of someone dying next to your house terrified you. You had only ever seen movies about these types of neighborhoods, completely ignoring the fact that even fictional stories start from reality somewhere.

Throughout the summer you never really felt like you didn't fit in. Mostly because you weren't open about going out just because making friends was like a nightmare. Reality set in though when it was the first day of school and here you were, walking through the hallways as people just walked past. It was fascinating how much this school was different, your previous school was full of kids who didn't know what personal space or secrets were. Keeping out of drama was impossible, everyone was curious about everyone, but here, they were all focused on their problems. No one seemed to give two damns about the new ex-rich kid strolling down the corridors of the school.

" I see you're continuing the habit of being late, Mr. Hwang," the teacher panned as she looked the boy in the eyes.

" There isn't a bus from where I live," your Chem classmate rolled his eyes before scanning the room for an empty seat and that was when the quick moment of eye contact happened.

" You live five minutes away, genius," one of the girls from the class spoke as she facepalmed.

The boy made his way next to you, so you quickly pulled your items closer to you, leaving the other side of the table empty. To him, it probably looked like a rich kid hiding his belongings from the delinquent ones.

The teacher never took her eyes off him," So, you're going to disturb the new girl? Must say, I didn't expect you to sit next to someone, the table next to hers is empty."

The boy sat down in the chair and slouched his back," I'd still get partnered up with her for everything, so why not avoid the trouble?"

The teacher shut up and proceeded on with the class. Surprisingly, the boy next to you never spoke a word to you, but you did feel his burning gaze on the side of your face. Ignoring it was a struggle, but he didn't look like someone you wanted to associate with just from the way he looked, so after a while forgetting about his presence became like a reflex; easy.

And that's how class passed, in the end, you were so focused on taking your first chemistry notes that you didn't even notice that the boy had been trying to get your attention until he rudely stomped on your foot which had you angrily glaring at him.

" What's your problem?" You whispered.

" What's your name?"

" Y/N."

" I'm Hyunjin."

You nodded your head and proceeded to ignore Hyunjin once again, but when the bell rang you were quick to stuff everything into your back and head straight to the next class. Luckily, you only had one class with the boy.

And that was it. You never met him outside of school, just two days a week that you would spend a whole class sitting next to each other but that's how far the relationship went. You weren't friends, far from it actually as having conversations wasn't something the two of you were particularly interested in. You spent two months sitting next to him in the same class but as far as you were concerned; his name was Hyunjin and he wasn't a good person to be around.

You had managed to make two friends, it might not be a lot, but they were fun to be around. The two were rough around the edges, but your dad explained how everyone in this neighborhood was that way. People weren't used to a lot of kindness, so they didn't deliver much either, but even with their less enjoyable personality traits, they were still your best friends here.

Laura was a pretty brown-haired Polish girl whose family had moved here ten years ago. Her family wasn't lucky when it came to finding jobs, so her parents tried to do their best with the little they had. Her house was nicer than yours, but it was nowhere near as nice as your previous one. Though, unlike your house, the walls had a lot of the paint chipping off which Laura's parents expressed a deep distaste for.

Your other friend was a charming boy by the name Jeongin. He was Korean and a ray of absolute sunshine to be around, well, most of the time. He always managed to find the right time to let out some snarky comments, but if needed he wouldn't mind being your emotional comfort pillow. Unlike Laura, Jeongin was involved in a lot of the troubling activities around your neighborhood.

One time he had come to school with a poorly covered black eye, so you and Laura both combined the make up your had in an attempt to hide the purplish-green under his eye. It didn't work perfectly, but your two's work had revealed to be extremely helpful as you would continue the routine until his bruising had completely healed.

A month into your friendship, you found out Jeongin was actually from the same friend group as Hyunjin, which he always seemed to talk badly about, but under all the insults was hidden away a lot of love. Jeongin always reminded you and Laura that you should never befriend anyone else from his friend group outside of school as the way they spent their time together wouldn't be healthy for you or even him, but, as he would always say, he's in too deep at this point.

And that was how it went on. Both you and Laura staid away from Jeongin's friends and all seemed to be doing okay until one of them asked Laura toa dance your school was having the next weekend. Jeongin was angry at Jisung at first for making a move on his friend, but it was soon revealed that Jisung just wanted to get to know the two girls Jeongin had been attached to hip with.

When the dance came around you didn't exactly have a date, so both you and Jeongin decided to help each other out by going together. The dance was fun, you hung out with Laura and Jisung too, and the four of you had an amazing time.

When the main part of the night came to a close you were planning on going home until Jisung asked the two of you to join him and Jeongin to their hang out spot. Thankfully, neither of you had dressed up like dolls for the dance as that would've been too expensive, so instead you had gone in black pants and a shirt whilst Laura had red pants and a sparkly gold sequence top. Laura was definitely the better looking one from the two of you tonight.

Jeongin was quick to turn down Jisung's offer as for the whole time you guys were friends he had kept you away from this side of him. Neither you or Laura understood why he was so adamant on protecting the two of you, but the sudden appearance bruises that decorated his face time to time should've given it away.

Jeongin's tone of voice got more aggressive as Jisung continued to pursue both you and Laura into coming along. Blinded by the fun you had had together at the dance you decided to tag along. Jeongin was mad the whole way there, but he softened up once it got time to climb up the rusty ladder and onto the roof of one of the most dangerous apartment complex in your town.

Your friend noticed how stiff you became once you realized where exactly Jisung was leading the three of you. You were honestly amazed at how Laura seemed not to care at all, she looked to be completely comfortable by Jisung's side, laughing and chatting the whole way there, ignoring the guys with guns in their hands who were hanging out by the shops and cafés.

" You okay, Y/N?" Jeongin asked as his eyes gazed at you.

You shook your head," No, not really."

" If you want to go back I'll gladly take you, you know you don't have to just follow along, right?"

" This place doesn't seem too friendly to have you walk back alone though."

" I basically live here, trust me, it doesn't bother me."

You frowned at Jeongin's remark," This is where you guys legit hang out?"

" In this part of the town? Yeah, I'm not even going to make excuses because this place is worse than it looks."

" Why would you come here? I mean, you could get hurt just by walking on this damn sidewalk. I shit you not, I saw like four wasted hookers on the way here, so there's no say druggies don't hang around here, Jeongin."

" I'm fine with being here, but I see that you aren't. Come on, I'll take you back home."

" No."

" Why not?"

" I can't leave Laura alone. She'd probably want me here knowing her past of accidentally getting it on with cute guys like Jisung."

Jeongin nodded his head," Okay, but do you want help getting on the roof?"

You looked up the ladder and felt your feet become cold," This isn't safe, is it?"

" Nope."

You started climbing up the ladder before Jeongin, so no one could get you from the ground. Your fear was stupid, but you didn't want some high dude grabbing ahold of your ankle and pulling you down to his level.

The two of you got up and you were met with a rooftop apartment that had graffiti all along the walls, the windows were spray painted black and the only light that was up there was from the dim street lights back down. Laura and Jisung had already entered the apartment leaving you and Jeongin to be the last to enter. Upon opening the door you saw quite a few familiar faces. There was Seungmin from your Math class, Felix from English and Hyunjin from Chemistry. Hyunjin's stare was just as hot as always was, but the rest didn't seem to care.

You looked around the apartment before Jeongin led you to a free couch by one of the spray-painted windows. The apartment was just like you had expected. There was graffiti on the inside walls as well, a bunch of big plastic containers around the floor which some of the guys seemed to use as seating and a broken fridge which to your surprise was full of nonalcoholic beverages.

" Some of the guys aren't here, so I'm guessing they're somewhere on this block doing their own little thing," Jeongin explained as he allowed his body to drown into the material of the couch.

" There are more of you?" You asked.

" Yeah, Woojin, Chan, Minho, and Changbin aren't here, so you're going to spend time with the actually cool ones," Jeongin laughed.

Soon after Laura came back to your side and grabbed ahold of your arm while placing her head on your shoulder," This place is so cool, don't you think?"

" I'd say my place is better," you laughed.

" Jisung told me about all the shit they've done here and, honestly, it sounds like so much fun."

Jeongin raised one of his eyebrows and looked at his friend," Are you stupid or just pretending?"

You laughed," If you're asking that, doesn't it mean that you're the stupid one?"

The three of you continued to laugh and talk. Soon enough Jisung and Felix joined your conversation.

You were surprised about how funny and outgoing Felix was. During class, he would stick to himself and talk only if necessary, but here he was a completely different person. Jisung told you about the embarrassing fights Jeongin had been in and how badly he got beat up by a hooker who thought he wanted to kill her just because he had looked at her weirdly.

You were at the apartment for thirty minutes once Seungmin joined in too, leaving Hyunjin completely to himself. He didn't seem too happy about your presence here and the hot gaze of his eyes kept burning right at your forehead. He wasn't ashamed of his nonstop glaring that he didn't even look away once you quickly met his eyes, hoping he'd move his gaze somewhere else.

" Jeongin?" You whispered to your friend so that the others around you couldn't hear.

" Mm?"

" Why is Hyunjin looking at me like that?"

Jeongin's face seemed to twist for a second, he certainly knew something but wasn't about to spill," Let's just say he isn't happy with us bringing you two here."

" Why?" you asked but your question got ignored as right at that moment the door of the apartment opened and two guys walked in with another one supporting a guy on his way in. One of the four seemed to have been badly beaten up.

Jisung quickly got on his feet and went to help his friend carry the other one on the couch as everyone else got up, so he would have a place to sit.

" What happened?" the first time in the night Hyunjin spoke.

" We were talking with that Jaehyun guy once Jaebum and his sidekicks came. We got into an argument and one of the guys started fighting with Changbin," A dude with blonde hair explained.

The blonde finally noticed that there were two new faces in the apartment and was quick to realize they were Jeongin and Jisung's friends, so he smiled as he started to introduce all of them while taking off Changbin's jacket," I'm Chan, the beat-up one is Changbin, the friendly-looking one is Woojin and the last one's Minho."

You and Laura looked at each other and nodded, so Laura introduced you both," I'm Laura and the innocent one's Y/N."

Jeongin laughed," Yeah right, innocent."

You felt your hands slowly start to shake and the feeling of cold feet returned as you looked at the guys take care of Changbin

Hyunjin looked at you once again and noticed the slight discomfort on your face, for a moment his face softened, but went back to looking annoyed right after as he stormed past you to take out a first aid kit from a cabinet.

He had set down the kit on the little table by the couch when they heard loud knocking on the door.

" Who?" Laura asked Jisung.

" Probably Jaebum."

Chan went to look through the peephole and quickly called over the guys as apparently, it wasn't only Jaebum there. Seungmin staid by Changbin but it was clear that Chan needed him there too, so the others wouldn't be able to look into the apartment that easily, so you tapped Seungmin's shoulder.

" Wha-"

" I can take care of him, go do what y'all need to."

Seungmin left the cotton balls in your hands and rushed to Chan's side right as the door opened.

You tried to keep your hands steady, you poured a little bit of saline on the cotton ball.

Changbin softly chuckled," First time here?"

" I'd say first and last," you replied which got him to lightly laugh, but he winced right after," Hey, this might sting, but be patient."

You started to dab his cut eyebrow and afterward his cheek. You and Laura tried to ignore the aggressive yelling that was coming from right behind you.

" How big is the possibility that they'll beat us up?" Laura asked half-jokingly.

" Small, but it's still there," Changbin replied.

One of the guys pushed through Chan and started to chuckle once he saw you cleaning Changbin's scratches," Awe, you got a little nurse to help with your inability to fight back?"

" Don't pay attention," Changbin whispered, so you nodded your head a bit and continued to switch the cotton balls and clean his wounds.

" I suggest you leave those two out of this," Chan stated.

" Why? Are they your bitches or something?" The guy laughed.

Laura turned to look at the guy and crossed her arms in front of her chest. At moments like this, you wished she wasn't a girl with balls bigger than any dude's.

" Excuse me, what?"

" You talk?" The guy pretended to be shocked as some of his friends managed to enter the apartment alongside him.

Your friends were quick to walk back to you guys, so you wouldn't be vulnerable. Much to your surprise, Hyunjin took away the cotton balls away from you and placed them back into the kit, closing it and pulling you by your wrist right behind his back. While Jeongin moved to calm down Laura.

" You called me someone's bitch? Who the fuck do you think you are?"

Jeongin placed his hands on her shoulders and tried to quiet her down," This isn't the time for you to be overly sensitive, Laura."

" Ouch, that one seems way too stubborn for my liking."

" Jackson, I don't think you should continue picking on the girls, it's not very smart of you," Chan pointed out.

" Why? We hit a soft spot by picking at your girlfriends?" Jackson mocked.

One of the guys swiftly pushed past Felix and Hyunjin and grabbed your other wrist, pulling you to his side," This one seems more submissive than the other, don't you think?"

" Let her go, " Hyunjin growled.

Something that caught both sides of the argument off guard.

" Ooh, so this one's Hwang's bitch, quite amusing, if I must say. Never thought I'd see mister pretty boy here ever fight using his mouth and not his fists."

You felt the guy's grip on your wrist tighten which made you wince in pain," please, let go."

Your voice was quiet, but everyone heard. You were sure your wrist was going to be bruised afterward, if you even managed to walk out of here alive, that is.

" I'm serious dude, just let her go," Jeongin came to Hyunjin's side.

The guy raised his eyebrows in delight," This is a lot more fun than beating up that dwarf over there."

The room became tenser as time went on, but the fight was cut off once Jackson's phone rang.

" Yo, we gotta bounce."

" Why?" The guy holding your wrist asked.

" Youngjae called and said there's an issue by Larry's diner, we gotta go."

Your wrist was finally free from the guy's grasp and you quickly put your other hand over it.

Before all of the other guys had exited the apartment, the one who had hurt your wrist winked at Hyunjin teasingly," I'd keep your bitch safe if I were you. She seems like a lot of fun."

And with that, the door closed shut with a huge bang. Right as the door closed you felt your breathing return back to normal and some tears escaped your eyes as the adrenaline started to exit your body and the pain from your wrist shot through.

" I told you not to bring them over here, Jeongin!" Hyunjin angerly said.

" I didn't! Jisung asked them to come. Y/N didn't even want to, but she came because of Laura, why are you so pissed anyway?"

Hyunjin turned his glare to Jisung now," Didn't we talk about this?"

" How the fuck was I supposed to know Jaebum would bring his shit to here? We had fun with Laura and Y/N before those idiots showed up and everything was fine."

Chan sighed," Guys, calm down."

" What, Chan? Didn't we have a deal that we wouldn't bring school friends here let alone girls? Dude, look at Y/N she can't even function here, shouldn't you at least tell Jisung that what he did was wrong?"

" Yes, we did agree we wouldn't bring girls here, but they are their friends and it's not their fault we got into a fight with Jaebum while at Jaehyun's."

" Well, I don't know about you, but maybe it's time to take them home?" Hyunjin was angry and the curiosity was killing you. Why was he so angry anyway?

Jisung walked to Laura," I'll take Laura home, but someone's got to take Y/N home cause the two live on different blocks."

Before Jeongin could say anything Hyunjin spoke," Fine, then I'll take Y/N home. Let's go."

You looked at Jeongin but he only shrugged his shoulders and turned to help Changbin. Jisung and Laura left first. While you staid back at the apartment for about ten minutes while Hyunjin went to look for something, when he came back you were out the door, but even behind the closed door, you could hear a lot of laughs and whistles.

The two of you got off the roof and started walking to your house. The street was full of a bunch of men smoking. Even under the dim street lights, you could see the many tattoos decorating their arms, some of them even caught your eye as you had seen similar designs on TV when the news decided that it was time for the general public to learn how to recognize gangs.

You tried to use every method to calm your nerves you knew, but nothing helped. You were just so scared. You unconsciously started to scoot closer to Hyunjin which he quickly picked up on. He took his hand out of his jacket and grabbed yours.

" You better not show up here after tonight," Hyunjin said as the annoyance still bled through his tone.

" I plan on staying away, don't worry."

You were about twenty minutes into the walk when Hyunjin stopped.

" Something up?" You asked.

" Promise me you won't strudel back into that part of town."

" I already told you, I don't plan on coming-"

" Just promise me."

" Fine," you sighed," I promise."

Hyunjin let go of your hand as you were further away from the dangerous part of the area. You hated yourself for wanting to intertwine your hand with his again but you knew you shouldn't. Your heart raced when he tried to talk to you on the way to your house and you couldn't stand it. You don't even like him, are you seriously so desperate for attention that your heart had to race at just an attractive boy talking to you?

When you reached your house you saw your dad sitting on the porch, he was waiting for you so you turned to Hyunjin with wide eyes," Hey, I'm here so you can go back."

" Your dad?"

" Yeah, so can you go? Seriously, thank you for taking me home and I'm fine now, so bye."

You slightly pushed Hyunjin to start walking back so he nodded his head and left. You walked to your house and greeted your dad.

" Y/N, the dance ended four hours ago, it's three in the morning! Where in the world were you?"

" I was with Laura and Jeongin. I know I should've called you but we were having a good time, so I forgot."

You knew you were taking advantage of your trusting father. Back at your old place he never had to worry about you getting into trouble, so he got used to trusting you, but this night surely wasn't as you described. It was fun before Changbin came into the apartment beat up and the other guys suddenly showing up to start a fight. You remembered about your hurting wrist so you slightly hid it behind your back.

" Okay, head inside. I'll catch a smoke and be right in okay?"

" I'm gonna go straight to bed, goodnight."

You closed your front door and took in a deep breath. You promised yourself you wouldn't lie to your dad again.

The weekend was spent lazily rolling around in bed watching random TV shows and texting some of your old friends. Laura called you at one point too and gushed about how she finally found the perfect guy friend who could be there for her when she has a fight with her future boyfriend, hopefully, Jisung hadn't thought of the Polish girl as a love interest in his life because she had definitely placed him deep into the friend-zone and there was no getting out.

Though you tried to occupy yourself with several activities, your mind still rushed back to the moment Hyunjin held your hand or when he pulled you behind himself when Jaebum's crew stumbled into the rundown apartment.

And that's how two weeks passed. You'd be tying to fall asleep but right in front of your eyes, the scene of Hyunjin holding your hand would replay. During Chemistry class you weren't able to look even slightly to his side of the table without feeling the blush reach up to your cheeks. Unfortunately for you, Jeongin noticed your awkwardness around Hyunjin when your friend had been waiting by your Chem class to pick you up, only to witness the most uncomfortable goodbye to Hyunjin you could ever have.

Jisung invited both you and Laura back to the apartment a couple of times but you always came up with a reason why not to go. You couldn't just say," Hey, I promised Hyunjin, who is an absolute nobody to me, that I would never step a foot on that street ever again."

But here you were, walking alongside Laura on your way back there. You tried desperately to reject the invitation but Jisung and Laura weren't having any of that. Jeongin wasn't even mad at first because he had gotten so used to seeing Laura hanging out with his friends that you joining in only meant more fun. Of course, it would've been fun for you too if there hadn't been a hawk-eyed Hyunjin following your every step with his glare. He wasn't happy.

Though this time you heard multiple comments about his behavior and how it only got this bad when you were around. Usually, he'd be messing around with Changbin or annoying the living daylights out of everyone in the room, but you couldn't even imagine that he could act that way.

As the clock was about to hit 1 AM you remembered that you needed to call your dad, so he could go to bed without having to worry about his daughter getting home like the night of the dance. Of course, you did lie to your dad about your whereabouts. You told him you were at Laura's watching a movie and that you'd be home at 5 AM max. Once again, your dad completely trusted your every word as you held your phone to your ear, kicking around rocks on the roof of the graffiti decorated building.

You bid your dad goodbye and right as you pressed the end call button someone opened the door and walked outside.

" I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be here," Hyunjin muttered.

He surely had something against you," I know, but Laura wasn't having any of my excuses, so I had to tag along."

" You didn't have to do anything, you decided to come along."

" Whatever the reason was I'm here anyway and this time there isn't a Jaebum crew scaring the shit out of me or coming to pick a fight, so I don't see what the problem is."

False. You did see where the problem was. You promised you wouldn't come back here as you had expressed your dislike for this place yourself.

Jaebum wasn't the only thing dangerous on this block, heck, he wasn't even dangerous compared to the other people who chose this as their living or partying spot.

" Why are you being so bitchy? I didn't even do anything."

He's sort of right, but that's not the point," Why is it that every damn time I am around you're a completely different person? Do you hate me that much?"

Hyunjin sighed," I don't hate you."

" Then what is this about?"

" Listen, I just don't like you hanging around here, okay?"

You knew this conversation wasn't going in any useful direction, so you decided to drop it. You walked past Hyunjin and back into the apartment. The rest of the night you didn't feel his piercing gaze. He didn't even pay attention to you. He was swiping through his phone, ignoring the people around him. Later in the night Laura and Jeongin told you funny stories of the times Laura had hung out here alone. Hyunjin had even opened up to Laura's presence.

There was this one time when Laura was play-fighting with Jisung when Hyunjin suddenly joined in and placed himself as the announcer. Loudly describing every move the pair made.

No matter how many stories they told you of Hyunjin, you just couldn't imagine him being that way. To you, he was this rude, stuck up jerk who managed to shake your heart. Nobody knew that though, you kept it to yourself. You knew that everyone would laugh in your face if you even mentioned something like that.l, let alone having a crush on one of Jeongin's friends.

This was where you had to draw the harsh line. These boys weren't your friends. Your "friend" group consisted of Jeongin, Laura and Jisung. Nobody else. You couldn't become closer to the others, your dad wouldn't want that. He's already miserable knowing that he couldn't provide a better place for his daughter, having friends like these would just make his fears into a reality.

That's why that night, while the sounds of chattering flooded the room, you promised yourself to never step near this place, to not attach yourself with the people hanging here on the daily.

As the night became darker Chan and Woojin came back into the apartment with four six-packs of beer. Jeongin gravitated away from you to one of the packs. Chan had just placed his two on the table when Jeongin had already managed to rip one of the beer cans out of the plastic wrap.

" Dude, calm down, we got enough for everyone," Woojin laughed looking at his youngest friend.

Jeongin brought the can to his chest and hugged it," Knowing you, this is the only one I'm getting."

Chan took three cans and gave one to you, Laura and Jisung," This is beer is heavy, so if you don't want to get tipsy just drink slowly."

You accepted the can but didn't open it. You had a light alcohol tolerance that you discovered while you were attending your last school. You were at a party for your classmate and just one solo cup of punch later you were drunk out of your mind, inside one of the bedrooms with your friend's boyfriend who was also wasted. You were quick to realize that this making out was going to go further if you didn't stop right then and there, so you mustered up all the soberness you still had and dragged yourself out of the bedroom. Let's just say alcohol wasn't something you took lightly.

Laura reached for your can, snatched it and opened it for you, pushing it back in our hands," I knew you weren't going to open it if I didn't help you."

You took a sip and you knew Chan wasn't kidding when he said it was heavy. Usually, beer didn't burn the back of your throat but this one definitely did.

" He wasn't kidding," Jisung laughed and coughed, the burning too much for him to handle.

Hyunjin laughed," You're just too big of a pussy."

A slight laugh made its way past your lips which brought a warm feeling throughout Hyunjin's body.

Jeongin went back to his seat next to you and tossed his hand over your shoulder," Jisung's weak. He gets drunk quickly too."

You looked at Jisung," Me and you both, kiddo."

It wasn't like they were surprised by the fact you weren't exactly good at handling alcohol, but they were indeed shocked once you admitted it.

Hyunjin raised a brow at you," If you're a weak chick then don't drink too much. These guys aren't exactly PG-13 when a drunk girl is around."

Woojin hit the back of Hyunjin's head," You're one to talk."

" What?"

" I didn't think you'd forget about that Sana girl. She's older than him, but when they were both drunk, Hyunjin here, was radiating all sorts of daddy energy," Woojin proudly told the story of when he was the only sober one, playing dad wasn't unusual for him anyway.

" D-daddy energy?" You asked right before bursting out into loud laughter.

Woojin nodded, laughing along," He was holding the girl and legit went around screaming that Sana was his baby girl and no one could do anything about it."

Chan joined in on the conversation," Dude, Hyunjin was wild. I didn't think he'd ever use the word 'babygirl' but that was something."

Hyunjin rolled his eyes," That was like last year, shut up."

" Oh, you don't want your new baby girl to know about your past bitches?" Jeongin was wasted. Wait, wasn't that his third can in a matter of fifteen minutes?

Laura shot up from her sluggish pose and looked at Hyunjin wide-eyed," You got a girlfriend?"

" No!"

" He's so whipped for-"

Before Jeongin was able to continue anything Hyunjin had already managed to rush his way towards the youngest and placed his hand over his mouth," I'd think twice before I continue that sentence."

So this was the open Hyunjin everybody kept talking about? With a little bit of beer in his blood, he did seem to forget his hatred towards you, at least that's what you thought.

Jeongin agreed to not say anything and once Hyunjin had gone back to his seat he yelled out," Y/N do you wanna be Hyunjin's new girlfriend?"

Hyunjin looked at his friend absolutely mortified.

You laughed," Sorry, I don't date my friend's friends."

Hyunjin decided to ignore whatever else was coming out of Jeongin's mouth and continued to sip oh his beer.

Jeongin pouted and grabbed your hand," But imagine how cute you'd be. You guys could make such cute babies."

" Hold up, drunk boy," You chocked on your last sip of beer.

Everyone except Hyunjin was laughing. As the clock was about to land at 6 AM and most of your company was wasted or asleep, you decided it's probably time to head home. You didn't want to sleep on the same couch as Jisung, Laura, Woojin. And the floor didn't sound fun either. You slowly removed Woojin's head from your shoulder and got off the couch, making your way to the exit. You weren't excited about the fact you'll have to walk through the neighborhood by yourself, but you weren't always going to have someone to escort you.

You were trying your best to avoid any of the empty beer cans on the floor and the guys who had managed to fall asleep on the floor while you were scrolling through your phone. But much to your luck you accidentally tripped over Hyunjin's leg which woke him up. As far as you knew he was also wasted, but that wasn't the case. Just like you, he had only drunk one can of beer through the whole night and he wasn't exactly asleep either. He had been trying to sleep, but the floor wasn't doing his justice.

" Oh, shit. Sorry," You apologized right as you saw Hyunjin sit up.

" You going home?"

" Yeah."

" I'll walk you home, I'm not going to fall asleep any time soon anyway."

And that's how you ended up walking with Hyunjin once again through the neighborhood which you were so scared of. Unlike the other time, your hands weren't holding onto each other. They were freely hanging by your sides as you walked while the sounds of downtown engulfed you in a chilly breeze. The slight tremble you did because of the cold didn't go unnoticed by Hyunjin, so he reached for your hand and put it in the pocket of his hoody.

" I'd give you my hoody, but I don't have anything underneath."

" I didn't ask, but okay."

" Uh, Y/N?"

" Hm?"

" Y'know about the thing that Woojin told you-"

" Oh about that Sana? What about it?"

" I'm not like that."

You looked at him confused," Why are you explaining yourself to me?"

" Cause I don't want you to think that I'm the type of guy who would get drunk and forget about a girl cause I'm not like that. I'm really not."

" Why should I care? It's seriously fine like I don't see-"

" I like you."

" You- what?"

You quickly detached your hand from Hyunjin's and pulled it behind your back," What are you on about?"

" I like you. I don't want you around here because I know what kind of people hang out here. I don't want you to get hurt because of some stupid Jeongin or Jisung who forgot about the fact they can't bring people who aren't used to the shit here."

You looked at Hyunjin in complete shock," If you like me then why are you always such an asshole to me?"

" Because I didn't plan on making a move or anything. If anything, I wanted you to hate me, so you wouldn't ever think about me the way I do about you."

" Since when?"

" Since when, what?"

" Since when have you liked me that way?"

" First Chem class."

" Woah."

" Listen, I just wanted the girl I like to not think of me as some shit ass who gets drunk and sleeps around with some girls, they made it sound like I got it on with Sana when, in fact, I didn't even kiss her."

" I believe you, just take back the 'i like you, part."

Hyunjin looked at you, he was hurt, were you disgusted by his feelings?

" Why?"

" I promised myself I would never come back to here or the hangout ever again, but you're making this hard for me."

" My feelings shouldn't be the reason for you to even think about coming to hang out here again. If you like the guys then we can hang out somewhere else. Especially because I like you. I never want someone calling you 'Hwang's bitch' again, but if we hang out here it will happen more than once."

" Hyunjin, I can't bring myself to hate this place anymore if you're just going to confess all of a sudden!"

" No, you can. You don't feel the same way about me, you coming back here because of me would make me feel like I'm being pitied and I don't want that at all."

You bit your lip as you looked at your feet, avoiding Hyunjin's gaze at all times.

" Oh God, don't. Don't do that."

" Do what?" You finally looked up at him.

" Don't bite your lip. It's distracting."

" Wh-"

" Stop playing dumb. It makes me want to kiss you."

Your eyes widened," Yeah, no."

" Exactly, so stop. We should probably get you home, it's getting pretty early."

Hyunjin nonchalantly ignored the previous moment and continued to walk in the direction of your house.

" So you say that and act like you didn't right away?" You followed the boy from behind, your heart was beating fast no matter how you tried to act like Hyunjin's words did not affect you.

" What did you want me to do, force my face on yours?"

" If I remember correctly, someone smart once said YOLO-"

" Yeah, and then they got pregnant."

You chuckled," What if you didn't have to force your face on mine?"

" Wh-"

There weren't many times you were able to act overly confident but at this moment it seemed like God himself wanted you to do something that seemed impossible to you. Maybe it was the slight amount of alcohol that remained in your bloodstream or the overwhelming feelings which suddenly took over, whatever it was it made you lightly grab the strings of Hyunjin's hoodie, pulling him to your eye level and kissing him right then and there.

This wasn't what he imagined. Heck, he didn't even allow himself to imagine something so intimate. It didn't take long for his arms to wrap around your body, pulling you closer to him. Your heartbeats were completely in sync. Both were beating fast but they were also beating for each other.

You didn't intend on kissing him this way. Maybe a light peck? But oh was this not it.

Hyunjin's arms were so tight around your body as if he was afraid you'd disappear once he let go of you. Your hands moved away from the strings of his hoodie to his chest.

For a moment it felt as if all time had stopped. There was nobody else in this world besides you and Hyunjin.

You both slowly pulled away, you wanted to run away, scream, hide, but you knew Hyunjin wouldn't let you. His arms were still on you, no longer wrapped around your body, but his hands were holding onto your shoulders as if his life depended on it.

" You know you just brought this upon yourself, right?" Hyunjin's gaze was dark, there was a tint of love behind them, but you hadn't seen anything as serious as that look.

" Yes."

" You know I'm not letting you go away now, right?"

" You better not."

" Fuck, I should've done this sooner."

And your lips were once again pressed against each other. This kiss wasn't as soft and calming as the previous one, it was needy and desperate. His hands traveled to your lower back, yet you couldn't think about anything else besides the feeling of your lips against his.

...

" Yo, Y/N you coming to the hangout, today?" Laura rushed to your side as the both of you exited the school grounds.

" I don't really-"

" Oops, forgot, I'm not letting you not come."

And so were you again inside of the small run-down apartment, the only people missing were Hyunjin, Changbin, and Felix. Chan said that they were out running some errands but nothing too major.

The eight of you laughed and talked while waiting for the others to come. You were nervous the whole time, you had hung out with Hyunjin alone for a while now, but the others didn't know about it. The two of you hadn't hung out with the whole group as boyfriend and girlfriend yet and it made you scared.

You play-fighting with Jisung as you tried to get your phone back from him and Laura was there as your back up. The two of you were crawling around and on the couch trying to get him to move his ass, so you could get your phone.

The door opened and the others went to greet the three guys, but both you and Laura were too focused on getting your phone back.

" Jisung~ Give it back!" You lovingly called out, you knew how much Jisung hated to be talked to in that way.

Much to our annoyance, Jisung also knew how to push your buttons," Give me a kiss and I'll give it back!~"

Hyunjin crossed his arms as he looked at you and Jisung fighting, he knew that you two were only joking, but even then the jealously didn't fail to make an appearance.

" Sorry, she can't kiss you, it'd go against the rules."

" Rules of what?" Jisung asked a bit dumbfounded.

" Of being in a relationship," Hyunjin casually said as he continued to look at the both of you annoyed.

" Wha-"

" You're asking my girlfriend to kiss you, that's just wrong bro."

Laura looked at Hyunjin then at you with wide eyes," Since when?"

" Like two months ago?" Hyunjin nonchalantly answered.

You were still frozen as you were holding onto Jisung's arm. Jisung slowly pulled your phone out from his back pocket and gave it to you," I don't want your boyfriend to punch me."

You sat up straight and blankly stared back at Hyunjin.

" What? Surprised to see your boyfriend?"

You quickly got off the couch and ran to hug him as if the two of you hadn't met for years.

The moment was wholesome until Chan stopped awing and awkwardly coughed," Just keep your relationship PG-13."

[jesangel1503]

Morning Blog 02- Why do you think you feel the way you do right now?

Today is Music Appreciation Day- 02/17

Today is unlike any ordinary day of mine. I woke up feeling refreshed and hopeful. I looked forward to my cup of coffee and excited to know what my family’s been doing. They’re great by the way. My mom found a new singing hobby and she’s using the same singing app i’m using now. So you’d probably say I got the singing passion from my Mama, but not ALL actually. Both my parents love karaoke and it’s our bonding method whenever we have free time together at home. One info about me; I learned how to play guitar by myself when I was 10 years old. And it was my Grandmother who bought me my first ever guitar. I am not really a pro but I know how to play the simple chords to a song. I don’t mind being a pro, it’s just whenever you feel like playing it, it must be sang with your heart and soul. And no matter how good you are or not, it’s how much you enjoy and love what you are doing. Furthermore, I badly want to learn how to play drums! If you are a drummer, then maybe you can teach me??!! And maybe I should take more piano lessons soon! I am not well acquainted with reading the notes. Sadly. I think Violins and karimba are cool to learn too! Though I think owning a violin is a bit expensive as well as a karimba. But well who knows! One at a time then! I know you might think i’m already too old to learn, but no, it will never stop me from learning the things that excites my soul! ❤️ Though I can’t train (Workout) today, because it’s that time of the month again, so I just made the house chores. Putting my wardrobe in order and doing a quick clean up in the house has been my therapy whenever I have menstrual cramps. And of course, listening to music while doing it. And maybe afterwards, I’ll record some songs on smule too!

So what kind of songs I am crazy about?

I love so many songs, but Iris by Goo goo dolls is a song that will forever be my LIFE’s song.

You’re maybe thinking why? It just stuns me every time I hear it. I love the instrumental interlude. Grr, gives me chills all the time! All about the song, it’s musical arrangement, how it was sung by John Rzeznik and how he delivers the emotions in it is like 100% full of soul for me. Though it’s an alternative rock, I find it really the song that captivates my soul.

“You bleed just to know you’re alive”

That line struck me the most. Being hurt, being challenged, having a bad day, and all the bad things life throws at you.. All the negativity, all these toxicity.. Every failure, every insecurity, every problems, every disappointments, every time your heart gets broken and every time you feel the weight of the world, all of these things can make us bleed. Because we are only human. Humans bleed physically, humans bleed emotionally and spiritually as well. This sad reality will for sure bring us to our knees. But, knowing that we feel this things, we also know, that we are alive. We should savor it, feel it, and thank the heavens for the gift of feeling! We don’t feel them when we die! Of course! Kidding aside. This song is about someone offering a love so pure and true, offering a heart that’s been broken, offering a life that’s been misunderstood by many, and offering a soul that is willing to give everything up just to be with that person. Normally, we were taught about the perfect love, the perfect life and all about being perfect. Some of us get jealous by others who flaunt their perfect relationships and marriages on social media and in the movies and fairytales. But the truth is, not all relationships are perfect and nobody is perfect! And there is no idea of perfect love exist than God’s perfect love! People might love you for all the good qualities you have, but what about the darker side and weaker side and imperfect side of you??? I think this song just gets me so much and how I see my life with someone and also how I see myself with myself, my own imperfect self. I should also be that one who will understand myself, love myself despite my flaws and forgive myself for how badly I have treated myself by becoming perfect as how people would like me to be.

We should always be gentle with ourselves. Often we strive for love from other people, but not our own self, our own life. It’s time for us to better feel good about being that flawed person, and no matter how people come and go just to hurt us, it will not affect us anymore.

We should be better at reminding ourselves that we deserve a love that we would likely give to other people. Keep this thought. So that whenever you feel you are not enough because people rejected you, you’ll come out of it strong, more stronger than ever I assure you that! Nothing will ever mess with you again and destroy you. That’s it!

You are deserving of love! Because you are made by the maker of love, that is God, and He made you out of love!

I love everything about Music. I appreciate every genre of music there is ever!

So I don’t only listen to love songs but I often give ear to some EDM, Heavy Metal, Jazz and everything! If I can’t express myself and my emotions, I just find a song that’s perfect for what I have been feeling at the moment. It’s just soothing to the soul you know? I don’t know if anyone of you can relate? Come on! But yeah, music helped me a lot in my life! I can’t imagine my life without it!

Why do I think I am feeling the way I do now?

I’ve been sleeping a bit better lately. No more nightmares and no more waking up late in the night! So I think I feel fine. And maybe one reason is because I have been gentle to myself lately. I don’t pressure myself anymore and I always let the day go as it is, without stressing myself too much of the things I can’t control. It helps when I just focus on the positive instead of the toxicity of life and especially everything on social media. Who cares what people think about you? As long as you better know yourself, and you like what you are, then nobody can put you down! Most importantly, putting God in everything you do, how you think and how you do things make life much easier! So what about you? Why do you think you feel the way you do now? I hope all is good with you.

Ciao.

[gvaf-radio-blog]

I was laying in bed trying to not think about the rejection when the crying fit started, normally it goes away after a bit but this welled up and I felt an emotion like onto a rage induced tornado surging through me and I pounded the floor screaming like I lost a limb to a bear trap and started to pray to God, keep in mind I am a Satanist, to either help me find a way to get the love of my life back or to give me the means to end my life.  Satan was very understanding but reminded me to call them first next time since Satan never told me I was damned for being born pansexual and they did turn me on to better fashion and literature, sorry Satan.

It had been going on like this for the better part of July and there were several things going on in my life at the time one of those was a firm belief that I had grown too old, too fat, too broken to be any use to anyone other than to make others feel better and be target practice for the Russian Cupidi who seems very intent on making others fall in love with me on the other side of the continent, little fuckers have surprisingly deep laughs I found out . There was a person I was convinced was the love of my life because they seemed to understand me, never made unreasonable demands of me ( I thought)  and to put it simply we could not be in a room alone ever. We worked well together in fact each time we would meet it ended in us kissing and tearfully saying I love you to each other  while holding each other head to head crying. Everytime I heard a slight Russian tinged laugh. We were for a short time had an almost family, an almost family is where things are just off and need adjustments. I wanted tp make us a full family badly I wanted this family to happen because these kids were at one time treated like mine own, I am a  simple and boring man except for the Cupidi and a stalker with cat ears who keeps leaving dead birds on my front stoop.  

So yes I was that fool everyone has laughed at in a heart break fueled misery that pop songs and movies lie to us and say “ AH but tis only the third act! The two distant lovers will be reunited and the love song with start after the credits”. I want to start rounding up the con artist that make a living by filling empty headed children with these notions of true love or that love conquers all and sodomize them with live lobsters.  I don’t want to violate ethically challenged people with shellfish everyday, just on those days when I have to deal with the doll eyed masses, ok so basically every day I was trying to give myself the benefit of the doubt.  The Ex had asked me if the reason I wanted to get back together was because they were a “sure thing” I told her that they were really a long shot but if I didn’t try then I couldn’t live with myself. Fast forward a few weeks and several insulting explanations later and I am now turning over all the reasons I am broken goods and that I should not rise above my station because I deserve to be alone, i’m scum, I’m why baby jesus cries and milk spoils when I walk into the room. I started taking pot shots at the local Cupidi with my compound bow but it was hard to aim with eyes full of tears and the edible kicking in finally. I don’t know how to say fuck you in Russian but I think I know the sound of the word. 

Next we find me red eyed muttering some gibberish that’s been fueled by what I would find out later to be a suspected mental illness that is only half way being treated with medication and therapy. To give you a funny and disturbing visual. After not eating or sleeping for several days  I looked like what could be described as a  cross between a fat Reinfeld and a goth George Costanza , or Meatloaf on a bad day. I give you options for your visuals, am I not merciful?

It’s now sometime between one and five A.M and I am looking up the price of the least expensive .45 handgun because I’m poor and I’ll be getting some extra money soon because I turn thirty nine in a week I do not want to be thirty nine so I start looking for american style solutions, happy fucking birthday. I chose this caliber because having some medical training and studying the wonderful world of trauma  I got to see in full detail what a self inflicted head wound looks like and what a person's life is when the bullet doesn’t take enough grey matter. I didn’t want to be alive then I sure as hell didn’t want to live as a joke character from a Garth Ennis story so I was going to get a bigger bullet .  America, fuck yeah.

so I started to make my final birthday plan and feel at peace with having my last ride of Clove’s, bourbon and a good pub hamburger then, Tchüess. BANG! Obviously I didn’t buy the gun to end my misery and embarrassment as my brain was telling me I needed, because instead my brain going into OH FUCK mode was throwing everything it had at me to save the ship. Then it hit pay dirt. I rediscovered a natural emotional energy that put my mind into a laser focus clearing the fog and lies away  just enough to stop my self destruction and restart the rebuilding I began in the winter. The emotional energy that saved me from turning my head into goo goes by the name of pure fucking spite.

I realized that my idiocy levels had reached a critical mass when the Cupidi in hazmat suits who seem to be , in Russian , bitching about extracting me to go get recharged . They came down to take me back to a containment unit that will refill my cynicism back to optimal and lethal fuck off capacity. After my IV of coffee and Monster™ grape was removed I was set loose again into the wilds of Southeast Portland to reconnect my brain with seething hatred that I somehow misplaced my hatred during the heartache attack between Southeast Division and Southeast Clinton street where I  was bludgeoned with a baseball bat by the woman who was wearing cat ears. I was on a time limit because I had to do this quickly and retract my steps before my appointment with a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner at two P.M later that day. I managed to find my hatred , my senses and a new found desire to attack any human with those fucking anime cat ears on their head and entered the office and was treated like a human being not a Cro Magnon sociopath who might try  to kill people on the train, it was a nice change of pace honestly.

We talked about my past trauma and some of the diagnosis that where off base and some that came close to the mark but the main thing we talked about was the depression, the depression that had me looking for a gun as a treatment plan. This Nurse Practitioner pinpointed everything that I had to hide from others or train myself not to do in less than thirty minutes, Let me give you a bit of perspective. 

Most of the mental health professionals I worked with in the past used a method I call flow chart counseling, example:

Therapist sees me walk into the door, therapist will ask if I drink if yes how many drinks in a week, if no move on to the next question. Therapist: Mister Cromag do you drink?

Me: yeah, I like a good beer, or wine I take a shinning to good bourbons as well.

“Therapist now flows to follow up questions”

Therapist: How many drinks per week?

Me: Well, I like to have a drink that pairs with my dinner and some weekends I’ll have a bit more during games or socialization depending on who’s around.

“Therapist now moves down to alcoholism”

Therapist: how long have you been an alcoholic?

Me: I’m sorry what?

Therapist: You binge drink Mister Cromag, more than four drinks per week means substance abuse.

Me: No it means I like the taste of a stout. “Moves down the chart to denial”

Therapist: We need to find you an addiction specialist.

Me: You think my drinking is bad, wait until I tell you about my porn collection.

After that exchange I was referred to a physical therapist to help with carpal tunnel and after a traumatized therapist had to call security all while frantically  trying to find a flowchart for the psychotically horny they made a suggestion about me having an Oedipus complex.

So you now see what I mean, a lot of professionals never got to the heart of it and there are other stories where I’ve had the professionals all but sneer at me when my symptoms are presented. So this Nurse Practitioner was a nice change of pace and with the discussion about my issues, what I thought I might have been dealing with  (sometimes people see that I do have some form of intelligence and not just hit thing with club real hard unga bunga) we then worked out what medication I needed to treat  the thing I was dreading, being diagnosed with  Bipolar 1.

Bipolar and ADHD share many of the same characteristics and as I’ve learned if you have one the other is more than likely there it just needs to be screened for. Bipolar is also a hereditary form of mental illness which makes it a bit unique where others are mostly trauma induced but Bipolar just kinda waits for something to happen and when nothing does it creates its own fun. To add to this good time Bipolar  is classified as a “mood disorder”  your highs are hyperactive boarderlining and often going into a full true manic state of mind and body, not nearly as fun as it sounds. Then the lows are soul crushing affairs that amplify the depression and then takes the lies you brain tells you and creates a story based on people around you, your fears, past trauma and then makes you this poisoned lullaby cake that tastes like candy feels like medicine until you fall to your knees paralyzed and the fangs sink into your back and you see too late what is having you for dinner tonight.

So that’s a quick and blurry on Bipolar 2, I have Bipolar 1 which means I get all of that plus the added fun of hallucinations, and not the type Terrence Mckenna taught us about. These are things that just manifest as if they are real life like if you were in a  film and it was edited without  warning and in this new situation  you now have to improvise a reality, any  reality, this is why I take *drugs prescribed and other. The other issue is that it feels like my memories get remixed and things that happened now have a new twist, a paranoid hurtful twist.  Good example of this is when I was making a terminal wishlist and believed that there were people who truly wanted me to die because I interpreted their actions as malicious. Another example is I was walking home to the apartments  around ten or twelve years ago, I was walking home at the time with groceries and when I got through the front door there was construction going on at the apartment above me. I sleep days and at best i’ll get four hours due to shit employer, new born child, a girlfriend that was Sybil the next generation who completely refused to get treatment because she was a psych major and thought she was the heroin to overcome all odds  in a lifetime movie.  So on top of this my mental illness is not in check, no insurance and if I mention medication at work I could get fired. 

 I wish this was a part I made up  but I mentioned I was on antidepressants at one time and they removed me from two positions back to entry level until I got clean off celexa, Not allowed to do the fun drugs and then punished for using the boring ones no idea why I stayed there for eight and a half years. 

Back to the construction, I get home try to put my groceries away and one of the workers says he needs to do something in the bedroom I tell him to get bent , he calls me a fat fuck and I proceed to beat him bloody! Except it never happened, I woke up beating my fist bloody onto the tiled floor of the kitchen where I had started to put away my groceries until I jumped into this other reality, I’m just happy the kid wasn’t home because it might have scared her and made her cry and knowing I made her cry hurts the worst, I would have attempted that second suicide earlier. This freaked me out I’ve never had an hallucination like this I was scared, when I told then girlfriend hoping to get support or at least pointed in the direction on where to look she labeled me a schitzophrentic started talking to me as if I was going to flip out  and that I was even more dangerous.  I let that turn around in my head for years thinking that this was the linchpin to me being broken and with the way she talked to me I believed I didn’t deserve help. This was one of the main reasons I had to kill myself after she took my daughter away.

Like a few million other miserable , confused people out there I didn’t know a blessed thing about what was happening, I remembered the mental abuse and emotional abuse from the church, and some had argued physical and neglectful abuse I recieved at the hands of my family or my mother’s husbands who told my mother to no provide for me but instead buy him a new toy car. My step sister who somehow hates the knot headed reprobate more than I do stole his precious camaro and rear ended a Semi. After learning she was ok I fell on the floor laughing because all I could think about was this NASCAR addicted stunted man child calling his mommy to whine about a broken toy, to add to this mental image he was wearing a blue jean diaper and clutching a plush Richard Petty teddy bear.

There’s more but I don’t feel the need to talk about school bus drivers and me losing memory of one full  year of my life, bullying at the hands of adults and children alike. I feel like that would be redundant and unfortunately all too common a story I’ve heard from so many people in my life, friends, lovers , coworkers the fucking homeless people who talk with me after I give them beer money. Leaving some of the genetic issues aside you bastards need to understand how wide spread some of these traumas are for fuck sake my motley of misfits are all walking trauma case studies and instead of getting help YOU people ridiculed them, or gave them the greatest useless sentence in the english language which is :

 “Just get over it.”

Do you know what I would like to see? I want to see all of us survivors roaming the streets like that piss poor movie they claimed was a horror movie the Purge and with a list not unlike the list owned by the man that comes around Johnny Cash sang about during his song of the rapture, and I see men, women, and nonbinary people going to the address of those passive aggressive twits and beating them within an inch of their life, then carving into their chest (backwards) “get over it” then we move on to the homes of the rapists and tell them “you asked for this” before destroying their cocks with battery acid. The screams in the night would be glorious with the bats acting like percussion and the screams keyboard swells it would be like Front 242 unplugged. Maybe then the sniveling pretentious nra members out there will learn a bit. At best, it would be fair warning not to be passive aggressive asshole and learn a bit of compassion and mindfulness or to just get their heads out of their ass about battles they know nothing about if they want to avoid severe head trauma that one can not just simply get over. 

Living with mental illness is not easy at any level whether a small bit of depression after a breakup or full blown PTSD after a brutal rape that leaves one unable to leave their house. Whomever has these afflictions are the ones suffering and your feelings of inconvenience or fear  of those sufferers need to be thrown into the Willamette river, I would say you need to follow suit  but there’s enough garbage in this river you can fuck off into a trash compactor.

Living is the hardest thing I do but I keep finding ways to stop the thoughts from taking over and I will and have done whatever it took to not die and sometimes the only way I was able to beat the mental illness was being bat shit insane. Some people think I’m a drug addict, others just think I need to talk to my old invisible friend, a few well meaning souls have suggested psychedelics and these people are pure and I will castrate any who try and stop them from their holy work from the almighty Bob. what I do need is to find that bitch with the **baseball bat and introduce them to a proper bonfire that I’m going to roast one of those little commie Cupidi on, oh yes I want my revenge for St Louis. 

*the drugs in question are cannabis for the most part, when I’m spinning hard it helps tune me down and when the depression hits it shuts up the thoughts that plague me. Not a cure all nor is it a replacement for proper medication and therapy. I like to think of it a supplemental medicine that has the added effect of making Tool sound even more epic and letting me sleep peacefully. 

** all wildy violent, funny and or cartoonish descriptions written about are there to be funny and entertaining no Cupidi do not exist and the Cat ear person does but the assault was less bloody and didn’t involve a bat  but it was far more traumatizing.

[kamenowriting]

JuZenWeek 2018-Day 1:First Meeting

For @juminzenweek 2018.

Obviously I’ve been left behind there xD But I can’t help it, I really want to join this week so badly. So hope I’m not too late orz

The timeline takes after about a week after Jihyun visits Zen in the hospital because of the motorcycle accident and Zen agrees to join RFA.

Words count: 2500+

Their first meeting was almost like a cursed. Bound to be meet each other in spite he doesn’t want to. But it was amazed how this man knew where he’s gone. Not many people knew of this place, which, he would always known this place as his ‘secret hiding place’. The place there was really breath-taking and calmed himself down. It's a very nice spot to watch the sun is setting until it reach to the deepest of horizon.

There was a big fight between him and the actors. How they are all envy of him in spite his acting is not as good as the rest of professionals actors, yet his gorgeous looks kept him away from ruining his act. What’s worst, the Director fond of him more than the rest of them.

Feeling very frustrated, Zen ended up riding his motorcycle to cool his head down and avoid them all.

Although his broken leg still hasn’t healed properly from an accident yet, Zen remembered how he’s been warned by V that he shouldn’t ride on the motorcycle anymore after the albino-haired male willingly to join the RFA.

However, he couldn’t helped it somehow. He was rather in a bad mood, thanks to those bastards, and he needs to go someplace where the Director or actors couldn’t find him.

Somewhere he could calm himself down.

And his secret hiding place is the best spot to hide himself away from them.

“Haaa…..” Zen gave a long exhaled before he takes out a box of cigarette to start smoking.

He puffed out the smoke from his lips, having in a deep thought then. He didn’t realized there’s a black, limo car stopped behind him as he was too addicted smoking.

Until a man with a business suit came out from the car and speak to him;

“Are you Hyun Ryu?” A monotone voice startled Zen a bit. Almost dropped his cigarette on the hill.

The very first moment his crimson orbs laid into those cool and collected grey eyes of an unfamiliar man, his heart had almost stop right there.

“I’ve heard a lot about you from Jihyun. You must be a new RFA member, yes?” His presence made him feel something. Something so familiar. Something strange at the same time. Is it good? Is it bad? He couldn’t put a finger somehow.

It took Zen to realized how dazzling his looks is; grey orbs are sharp like a hawk that’s been waiting a naive little rabbit come out from its hole. Shiny, and gorgeous ebony hair. And those lips. Those soft lips of hisㅡ

“Let me introduced myself firstㅡmy name is Jumin Han. I am the son of Chairman Han, the President of C&R International. From what I’ve heard from Jihyun, you seem to be having a difficult life due to living by yourself. I’m doing this for my close friend,” Jumin held out his long and slender arm toward Zen. “would you like to change your life; lived in an easy and better way? You have no need to take a lot of part time jobs anymore. I can take care of everything if you’re very concerned about it.”

And that was it.

The moment the raven said that, there was definitely a very familiar feeling he felt for a long time.

His throat somehow feels a little dry up as if he was lost in words of the other male’s offer. His heart starting to beating fast once again. …Ah. So that’s how it is. He knew and recognized this feeling so well.

There are so many things he wants to say to the ebony-haired male, yet at the same time, he ended up speechless.

However, the first thing he managed to say to him isㅡ

“..Trustfund jerk.” He said with a very disgusted and displeased expression on his gorgeous face.

.

.

.

-.-

The other male's head tilted in confused of the albino’s respond. Zen would’ve expected the older man would be pissed off of how he called him that. But insteadㅡ

“..Is that how commoner’s greeting way?”

Well that made him frustrated even more. Zen could feel his blood is boiling reach to his head at the sight of this jerk. Stuck with him for more than 5 seconds would drivin’ him crazy at this rate. Especially when he came here just to cool himself off.

“Shut up..” Zen let out an exhausted exhale this time, putting his slender hand on his nape. “I just came here to get some fresh air, and now you’ve ruined everything. I’m outta here.”

As soon as Zen passed him close, a strong grip yet gentle came from his wrist then. His crimson eyes flashed into the grey one in annoyed and disgusted.

“What?!”

“What made you refused my offer?” Jumin said with a calm and composed tone. Grey orbs bored deep into the albino’s chest. The way how that jerk look at him feels frustrated and tired.

Zen replied with a scoff and pried his wrist away from the raven’s hold. “Haaa…. I wish I could tell you but I doubt that a stuck-up jerk like you would understand.”

“What is it that I don’t understand about?”

“I was being sarcasm right there, you trustfund kid!”

Zen found himself shocked for a moment there. Never once as he ever raised his voice to anyone before. Not even his brother whom he admired so much. Although it’s true that he can be a hotheaded sometimes, but he rarely yelled to anyone. Probably something about that jerk really get on his nerve.

And just after he turned on his heel close to his motorcycle, there was a gentle touch on his shoulder this time.

“What is it now, you jerk?!” God… he really needs to get out of here so badly.

“Your leg,” Jumin whispered, eyes gazed down on the other male’s bandaged leg.

Zen blinked for a moment and follows where his grey eyes gazed at that filled with… maybe concerned and worried? No, no.. that can’t be. Just ignored it, Zen.

Zen shrugged. “Don’t worry, Trustfund jerk. I can heal like a monster. It should be alright for a couple of days. Nothing to be concerned of.”

And just before he was about to ride on the motorcycle, Jumin’s strong grip pulled him and dragged away from his motorcycle.

“H-Hey! Where are you taking me, you jerk?!”

“Just because you can heal like a monster, doesn’t mean you can ride on whatever you like.”

“I can do whatever I can likeㅡwaaah!” Zen exclaimed when the raven forced him entered into his limo car and shut the door. The other male desperately tries to open it but the door instantly locked.

“Where to, Mr. Han?” the driver asked when the raven had came into the car on the opposite side of Zen’s.

“Where to?” Jumin questioned this time, his calm grey orbs bore deep into the crimson one.

Wh-who? Me?” Zen said flusteredly, in which, the other male nodded. “Uh.. well,” he tells the raven where he works.

“Just as he said, Driver Kim.”

“Understood, Mr. Han.”

“W-wait!? What about my motorcycle? You can’t just leave it like that?!”

“Rest assured you that I’ve already ordered my personal assistant to send it back to your house.”

“..How will you know of my address?"

“Jihyun told me.”

“Make sense…” Zen murmured.

-.-

There was nothing Zen could do after then except stay still in the jerk’s car and distant himself away from him as well until they reached to his work place.

The riding was really uncomfortable for Zen. Because for one; he hated seeking any help from arrogant rich family, especially this Trustfund jerk of course. It reminded him of so much of a memory that he hated to remind of or remember.

He was expected the other male would start a random or awkward conversation to the actor. But so far, he hadn’t speak anything except, sitting right there, eyes full of mask like an expensive porcelain doll.

It didn't take more than 15 minutes later then, Zen could feel his nose started to feel itchy somehow. When he tries to rub his nose, it starting to turn red and sneezing comes then.

Jumin noticed of the actor’s behaviour.

“Are you sick?”

Zen shook his head.

“N-Not really..,” he admittedly. Being an actor and often stays health, he rarely catch a cold or fever.

Unless..

“..hey, Trustfund jerk,” he called. “did you, by any chance brought a cat in this car?”

Jumin tilted his eyebrow of the actor’s random question. With a long pause from deep of thought, he finally answer as if he remember something;

“Now that you mention it, I did brought Elizabeth the 3rd here this morning.”

“..who’s that?”

Jumin takes out his cellphone from his pocket and shows the actor a picture of white, persian cat.

“The most beautiful creature of all.”

“Gaah!! I should’ve known since my allergic triggered of that furball!” Zen exclaimed, hiding his eyes as if he was blinded from the radiant of light.

“Don’t speak rudely about Elizabeth the 3rd.”

“As if I care! -achoo!- Driver! Pull over! -achoo!-”

“Do you even know where you are? I doubt you would be there in time knowing your motorcycle is not with you.”

"Hah! I rather walking until midnight instead of staying of this car with full of freakin furball’s hairㅡ" And just before Zen could finish his sentences, he could feel a warmth embracing close to his body. His allergic has been forgotten there somehow. But it filled with shock and confusion this time.

“Feeling better?” Jumin whispered closed to the actor’s ear. He was very close to his personal space. So close until he could hear the other male’s calm heart-beating. Feel the warmth and feeling secure as well from his well-built body and what’s worst, the cologne he’s wearing now is very suffocating for the actor as he couldn’t even breathe properly.

What..what is he thinking he’s doing?

Zen hates to admit himself but although he appreciate of the other man’s help(in such a weird way), but this doesn’t help him anything at all! Why’s his heart is pumping so hard as if it’s gonna explode by now?

Thankfully everything’s comes to an end when the car started to halt, Zen knows that they finally arrived to his work place, which the albino quickly shoved off the other male away from his personal spaxe and kicked the damn door to leave there as soon as possible.

“Hyun,”

Zen stopped from mid-walking when the trustfund jerk rolled his name with his graceful tongue. The albino took a glanced on him, regretfully not walking away from that bastard.

“Aren’t you suppose to say something to me?”

That smirk.

That damn and snarky smirk!

He knew that he should’ve just pretend not hearing anything!

Goddamn.. just what’s up with this guy anyway? Does he has to treat him that way? He’s a new member of RFA afterall. That jerk should’ve welcomed him properly or treat him like a junior who still needs to learn for the first time.

He should treat the albino in a gentle way.

…Actually, wait, that feels wrong.

Twitching his left eye in annoyance, he took a deep breathe and,

“As if I’m gonna say thank you to a trustfund jerk like you! And fyi, it’s Zen!”

Zen slammed the door as hard as he could do. He could’ve sworn he can just hear that bastard’s chuckle in his head by now.

When the Driver Kim had drove away, the albino goes back to his work place

With a very foul mood; his argument with the other arrogant actors had been forgotten. But instead, it was about that Han fuckin Jumin.

If he had known there’s such a jerk in the RFA sooner, he should haven’t join it by now.

…

Well, then again, the albino did say that he willingly to join it because he wants to change something different in his life.

…

Don’t tellㅡ that jerk’s the one that could actually change his life in a different way?

No, no, no… he shouldn’t have thinking it too much. There’s no fuckin way his life would change soon thanks to that trustfund jerk.

Argh.. goddammit.. Dammit all.. stop, just stop. Enough thinking about him anymore. He would ended up getting too exhausted for the next practice then.

Once he had enough sleep, he would act whatever happened between them nothing’s happened. ..Or so he thought.

The very next day, Zen could feel his phone made a vibration.

He unlocked his screen phone and checked there’s a few messages from an unknown sender. But its profile picture looks like a white, persian furball, which looks familiar.

Gaaah.. just staring at it longer really made his nose feeling slightly itchy again. Out of all picture its has to pick the disgusting furball..

Trying to ignored its profile picture, Zen started to read what’s the messages written;

???: You know, I’ve been thought of this for a while since yesterday.

???: Would you willingly to become a model for a cat commercial.

???: It suits you, meow.

“Achoo!”

What the hell? That’s the first thing this sender say.

..No. Could it be its giving a wrong person.

Maybe he should try..

ZEN: Are you sending a wrong number by any chance?

Send.

Waiting around a few minutes later then, a new message came.

???: I am sure I’m not, Zen.

ZEN: Wait, don’t tell me you’re

???: Yes. I am Jumin Han,

ZEN: Stop! Stop! I’ve heard enough of your introducing yesterday!

???: Then why would you still calls me ‘jerk’?

ZEN: BECAUSE I HAVE REASONS!!

ZEN: And more importantly, how did you even get my number…?

ZEN: Don’t tell me V gives my number to you.

???: Every RFA member have everyone’s number, meow.

ZEN: DON’T MEOW TO ME

ZEN: THAT DOESN’T SUIT YOU AT ALL.

ZEN: Did you actually find my allergic pleasure to you???

???: Hmm.. Maybe?

ZEN: …

???: So, about the cat commercialㅡ

Couldn’t take any longer Zen eventually turn off his phone.

Gaaah… it’s in the middle early morning, yet this stuck-up jerk has a time to tease him.

Dammit.. Dammit all..

Things couldn’t get any worst is it?

Why would their meeting have to be a cursed..?

[angelicteeth]

hi our boys are disgusting

god fuck yeah they are 

Aristotle: He/Him - Leo - 18 - 6′4

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? blueee!!!!!!!2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? he loves art books! his mom used to show them to him and he’s collected them ever since. would also like to collect daggers/knives/swords bc he thinks they’re neat 3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? nothing 4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? ohhhh this guys 100% a metal head. leather jackets, spikes, ripped jeans, chains- necklaces and wallet, vans or boots, lots n lots of patches/pins- the whole ordeal! typically only wears reds, blacks, whites, and dark shades. muted colors. 5. What is your OC’s first memory? he was around 4 or 5 and his mother asked him to bake a cake with her, and he agreed, of course. they made a giant 5 layer red velvet cake with chocolate, caramel, and peanut butter chips in between and chocolate fudge drizzled on top/off the sides. they made a HUGE mess in the kitchen and all over themselves and he cherishes this memory so sooo much. 6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? black panthers!!!!! he also loves dogs a lot… he? HATES?? butterflies ???7. What element would your OC be? oh boy fire 8. What is your OC’s theme song? uhhh anything Heavy Metal9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? noooooo, i dont rlly like doing this edrfghu but! he has a deep voice, its warm and deep and kinda ? sultry? idk 10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? wrath. 11. What are your OC’s hobbies? painting!!! learning about history/going to museums, annnnnnd does his bf count? LOL12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? uhhh relatively patient? definitely depends. he’s VERY hot-headed but doesn’t ‘explode’ often 13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? male, gay, and latino! he’s also human wsedrftg14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? fucking LOVES cheese??? and big warm pretzels… CINNAMON ROLLS! hates olives ??? and most fish 15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? he’d really want a big cat, doesn’t matter what… just a Big Boy16. What does your OC smell like? warm, cinnamon maybe but also musky and woodsy… but he sometimes just likes smelling Clean and like semi typical guy cologne ??? or just Expensive smelling cologne,,, idk he always smells really fucking good sedfgh17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? uhhh right Now he’s just graduated high school and issss looking for work… doesn’t really know what he wants to be, honestly. he’s still trying to figure everything out 18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? he fears losing completely everything he loves, specifically his boyfriend and his brother. a weakness is how hard he is on himself, and how much he isolates/pushes people away when he’s low. a strength is just how warm and caring he is. how much he loves. even if he doesn’t always see himself as strong, he is. he really, really is19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? h e a v y  m e t a l  h e ‘ s  a  f u c k i n g  m e t a l h e a d i havent looked too into it so i don’t know about songs, i WILL look into it at some point20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? he live on this hell planet, sadly 21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? the death of his mom… and his anger… he blames himself for her death and hes struggling hard with it, since his father doesn’t help at all and blames him, too. a pet peeve he has is people leaving doors or cabinets open, it makes him so mad dftgyhu just fucking close them 22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? heee was a good one ? hardest subject for him was english :/ mainly got A’s! except for english 23. What is a random fact about your OC? he cannot bake or cook anything EXCEPT breakfast foods 24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? he… didnt see a future until he met his boyfriend, nathan… after his mom died, so did everything else 25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? amber wanted to play the sims and she told me to create 2 characters but i said hey! i do one, you do one! and then we were fucking idiots and turned them into ocs dfyudfhjkl; its soooo recent that nothings changed LOL im still developing him, as i am with all of my ocs 26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? nathan… he gave him a second chance at life, he gave him a reason to want to stay alive, a future. also jordan is super super important to him they bffs xoxo (edit: dan n ty also mean the world to him) at his current age… his dad. their relationship does eventually get better but right now, hes the least important but has such a big impact on him it hurts27. What kind of childhood did your character have? A GOOD GOOD GOOOOOOD ASS CHILDHOOD up until 16 it was soooo good… his moms his best friend, he n his brother hung out all the time, and his dad wasn’t so angry or drunk28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? he picks at his nails when hes nervous, but it doesnt happen very often so its nothing he tends to worry about. heee doesn’t stim but fucking loves paint mixing videos those are his shit uhhh no, no addictions… unless you literally count his bf wertyui29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? “If You Sit On My Grave I WILL Haunt You” or “Long Live The King” because he’s a stupid fucking leo30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? yesssssssss he wants to marry nathan So Bad sedrftyui he’s unsure about kids, though… kinda just wants a couple pets 31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? his mom died on his 16th birthday driving to come pick him up. anything involving nathan… doesn’t even matter what it is, he just loves him so much32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? his mom back33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? uhhh probablyyyyy not… he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he actually killed someone,,,34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? uh he likes concerts n shit but its not like,,, a social group thing… he doesnt do that shit…35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? very vivid imagination, is often found daydreaming when hes not painting or with his bf. not really worried, honestly, kinda just lives in the moment and doesnt give a single god damn shit about a thing except on the bad days36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? he wants nathan the most, out of everything- and he has him… but if he didn’t he would do anything for him. anything37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? pees with the door open esdrtyuio38. What would your character do with a million dollars? ooohhhh spoil the shit out of nathan, get a tattoo or 2, and buy art stuff!39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? eggs, leftovers, milk, orange juice, bacon, butter, and syrup. a couple of canvases, paint brushes, the shirt he slept in the night before. a couple of single issue comics, the graphic novel hes reading, a bottle of water, and a tiny art canvas. random plastic, paper, maybe an empty water bottle or 240. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? out with nathan, probably on a date. ripped jeans, dark red sweater, black shirt, boots, wallet chain, necklace chain, and a single dangly earring in his left ear 41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? yell, scream, get super physical. he’s burning, he’s burning, he’s burning. make it stop, better yet, let him thrive 42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? nope! he’s clean for now43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? oooooh uh he says some Shit when he’s pissed, especially to his dad44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? fine? doesn’t really care about it unless its from nathan. oooor if youre just being a shithead hell tell you off45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? he enjoys it, wouldn’t mind it at all tbh46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? fuck, yeah. he’d do something stupid to it to see if it works and then display it in his room or give it to his bf47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? hellllll yeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh. everything, anything48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? his mom was his best friend and the reason why he is the way he is. his dad was a good man, but now hes a stupid angry drunk who blames ari for his mothers death. its affected him positively and negatively, hes loving and passionate like his mother but insecure and doubtful because of his father49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? d o  n o t  l e t  h i m  h a v e  a  l o t  o f  c a n d y  p l e a s e 50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? would probably elope with nathan, do some crazy shit, and hope to god he doesn’t actually fucking die 

Jordan: He/Him - Sagittarius - 19 - 6′2

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? light green2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? stamps, stickers, beanies, anything aquatic-themed, and tarot cards/witchy stuff!3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? bananas…4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? lazy type clothes, very sluggish. lots of oversized cardigans, hoodies, and sweaters. baggy shirts, but he religiously wears jeans. likes chains but preferably small ones, and usually only wallet chains. likes wearing a ring on each thumb and if hes Feelin it a couple more! punkish basically 5. What is your OC’s first memory? spying on his brother and dad training outside in the barn6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? he has a giant soft spot for cows but his favorite is whale sharks!!! he doesn’t really like frogs 7. What element would your OC be? water! but with Slight fire8. What is your OC’s theme song? something slow and sad, probably 9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? no! his voice is soft and low, like a lullaby. very warm and comforting, but also a lil husky10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? envy/lust/greed wsedfg11. What are your OC’s hobbies? reading, using tarot cards, organizing his stamps/stickers, watching documentaries, and making sure aristotle doesn’t do anything Stupid12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? he’s pretty patient but he’s also pretty hot headed. he Will lash out when angry :/13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? male, bisexual, white (russian/american) also a human sedryui14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? loooovvveeessss chocolate chip waffles! and breakfast foods in general. hates peas and green beans 15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? a cowwwww… they remind him of his mom dfghj16. What does your OC smell like? clean but ? kinda minty!17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? he currently works at a little bookshop/coffeeshop! he likes it but he wants to do something more when he’s graduated from college. 18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? his father and crickets. how emotionally attached he gets to people. how warm and soft he is, he never stops caring for others 19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? goth, heavy metal, sad/emo shit20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? he live here Binch21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? his whole family besides his father is dead and he’s all alone with nobody to turn to. he h a t e s crunching noises. so much. also fucking HATES when people poke holes in shit just STop. 22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? actually really really good, even though he looks like a fucking slacker esdrftgyhu probably got all A’s23. What is a random fact about your OC? he always has his fingernails and toenails painted black or dark red/purple24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? fuck man he doesn’t wanna live hes so fucking Tired his dark circles are permanent but ari makes life worth living sdfg25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? …once upon a time amber and i made a gang au with ari n nathan and promptly made jordan for the Shits and Giggles but it turns out i fell in love and way too deep making his character, thanks!26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? aristotle, probably, because he assumes his mom is dead. least is his dad whos a fucking asshole murdering cuck27. What kind of childhood did your character have? uhhhh Not Good ill tell you that. his father only married and brought his mom to russia so she could give him kids, preferably boys. first was nikolai, second was kazimir jordan, and lastly was feliks. they were all 2 years apart, making nikolai and feliks 4, so they were all close in age and played together often. his father was most proud of nikolai but feliks had been showing signs of possibly exceeding all of their expectations. kazimir was last in everything, but he was his mothers favorite. he’ll never forgive his father for torturing him and killing everyone he loved. 28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? he often picks at his nail polish, or the skin around his nails. definitely fidgets with his hands often. doesn’t stim but follows a lot of soap carving and squishy videos, also likes bread/cooking ones. he’s kind of addicted to red bulls but he’s cutting back and resorting to coffee, which he drinks black29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? “hell’s waiting for me so watch your back”30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? maybe married but almost Definitely no kids. no thanks. xoxo31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? his father dragged him into the barns once after he accidentally spilled something over an ‘important’ paper so his father branded him with a cross on his side. his mother used to braid his hair with baby’s breath in it when theyd play out in the field, just her and the 3 boys running around, having fun. it was peaceful, bliss32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? to tell his mother he was sorry and that he’ll never stop loving her33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? no, he’s seen what killing someone does to people34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? i dont really like this question edrtyu35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? hes so tired all the time hes often in the clouds, never really focusing. daydreams a lot to make it through each day, pretending hes someone hes not. hoping that his mother is actually still alive, and that he doesnt have to keep reliving memories. they wont stop fading, he keeps getting them jumbled. he just wants to make more with her, be with her one last time36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? his moooooooooom, he’d do anything for her37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? he has to turn door knobs twice before actually opening a door 38. What would your character do with a million dollars? that’s so overwhelming to him but probably pay off college shit sdfghj debt is So Scary 39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? yogurt, water bottles, red bull, orange soda, and some strawberries. a pair of jeans and boxers and random books hes checked out from the library. a half empty can of red bull, the book hes currentl reading, a beanie, and a cute little jar of jelly beans ari got him. garbage can has crumbled up balls of paper, empty red bull cans, empty bottle of soda, and an old textbook.40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? probably aristotle and nathan to a concert/out to eat. wears black jeans, a baggy red and black striped sweater with a black shirt underneath, boots or vans, and prolly a wallet chain + his thumb rings41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? he screams and yanks on his hair fgyuhlj;k42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? heee has a cross on his side, and a few Light scars on his face- over his bottom lip, on his forehead and on the left side of his cheek/jaw. a couple on his back and arms as well most of them are from his father…43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? he’s never said anything Out Loud but in his head he says shit all the time dxgfhgjhjlio hes a snarky son of a gun44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? he will go home and Cry about it later 45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? eh its Ok46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? hes pretty paranoid about it and probably shows it to ari like ‘bitch what the FUCK’47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? he doodles mindlessly when hes bored in class 48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? uhhhh his dad is a big Cuck but his mom is an Angel and the best person he’s ever met. this has fucked him over hard bc hes father took her away from him and now he has nothing left so hes an anxious, paranoid Mess49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? he l o v e s candy pls50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? Kill Him Now

Tyler: He/Him - Pisces - 22 - 5′7

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? baby blue and pink!2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? nail polish, lamb stuffed animals, comics, seashells, and washi tapes 3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? nothin4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? he likes soft colors, pastel. sweaters are his favorite but he also likes long sleeved shirts. dresses pretty feminine, isn’t a fan of dark colors on himself unless its his boyfriends clothes5. What is your OC’s first memory? when he was around 4 or 5 he was riding his bike when he hit a rock and went flying forward, causing him to scrape his knees and his nose to bleed 6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? l o v e s  l a m b s and snails, doesn’t really like salamanders 7. What element would your OC be? w a t e r 8. What is your OC’s theme song? something soft and not too upbeat 9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? he has a very smooth and kind of feminine voice ? but its masculine enough to not misgender him,,,10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? envy???11. What are your OC’s hobbies? painting his nails, drawing/sketching, reading comics and graphic novels, watching documentaries, and journaling!12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? very patient and rarely hot headed, gets more agitated or annoyed 13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? male, gay, white human boy14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? would Die for milkshakes he loves them so fucking much, isnt a big fan of hamburgers/beef in general 15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? a lamb or sheep he is so infatuated with them. they are so so soooo cute 16. What does your OC smell like? strawberries and cream!17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? heee currently works odd hours at a gas station, it’s definitely not his dream job but its not super awful… most of the time. he wants to go to art school, actually, to learn to make jewelry and to learn how to do more with his art18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? abandonment and ultimate loneliness. he’s really self conscious but he loves with all hes got and he loves so much, and so hard19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? bubblegum pop, kpop, jpop, and some indie music!20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? he here 21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? he’s self conscious and in recovery for self harm/an eating disorder but he’s doing really well! its still hard but he’s pushing through… he hates having chipped nails drftugyihuo as soon as one chips, even a little, he repaints them as soon as he can22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? he was a nerd he got straight A’s and actually enjoyed school kinda erdtfyuio but only because he loves to learn, not the actual people or atmosphere 23. What is a random fact about your OC? is really interested in astrology and loves reading his horoscope 24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? he’s honestly trying to still figure that out but the more time he spends with his boyfriend, the more he wants to live and have a happy future with him25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? amber made dan, dan needed a love interest, tada!26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? daaaaaannnn, his boyfriend, nathan his best friend (+ari)  annnnnnd uh ? nobody really ??? 27. What kind of childhood did your character have? he had a pretty alright childhood, kind of lonely…28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? plays with his ears if he’s super nervous, really fucking loves slime to stim and help him calm down- or chews on something29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? something gay, probably 30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? yes and yes!!! he wants to get married and have a family with dan :331. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? dan got into a bad bar fight once, he was having a shitty day and the guy was being an absolute douchebag asshole and tyler wasn’t there to help him or stop him and it was just… bad… once dan took him to a petting zoo to meet and pet some sheep and he cried because it was quite possibly the nicest thing anyones ever done for him and then the dumbass also set up a picnic for afterwards and he fucking bawled again stupid gay saps32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? the funds for college esdrtf33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? nope he is a soft crybaby 34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? i dont LIKE this fucking q smfh35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? he daydreams a lot, yeah, and hes almost always worried because his anxiety is an absolute bitch but hes working on it36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? he just wants dan and to go to art school37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? he has to say goodnight to all of his stuffed animals before bed every night sdfgfgghj38. What would your character do with a million dollars? a r t  s c h o o l39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? strawberries, mangos, chocolate almond milk, leftover food from a restaurant he went to with dan, and some chocolate syrup. nothing, he has to keep his room clean always. nightstand has a graphic novel and book hes currently reading, a note/poem from dan with a small lamb he got him, and a bottle of peach tea. 40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? somewhere really really fancy with dan! he’d wear a cute suit, a white one with a pastel yellow button up shirt and a black tie. wears the necklace dan got him and probably a few dainty rings that match well together/when layered 41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? he cries. a lot. he gets really overwhelmed when he’s angry, and tends to scream or yell42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? on his arms from self harm, his hips as well… 43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? he doesn’t like saying rude things44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? uhhh if he asks he’ll probably take what the person says into consideration but if he hasnt asked, he’ll get mad/sad 45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? he like it46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? he gives it to dan rdyftugyhio47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? s e n d  h i m  t o  a r t  s c h o o l  p l e a s e48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? err his parents were kind of absent a lot, they traveled so much for business that he was often alone, only himself for company. his mom was loving, for the most part, when she was home. she got drunk quite often, though, but that just made her more giggly and unfocused. his dad… was hard on him, kinda abusive. often ignored him, honestly, unless it came to school and ‘being a man.’ he can be very distant at times, and self isolates often… yet he’s afraid of being alone, he doesn’t want to be abandoned, so he loves the wrong people, stays with the wrong people, because it seems right. if they stay, ill be okay, even if im still crying. even if it still hurts 49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? he does like candy! gets sugar rushes sometimes sdrftugyu dan finds it so fucking cute bc he’s so hyper and giggly 50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? oh please don’t stress him out like that…

Alexander: He/They - Virgo - 24 - 6′0

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? dark purple2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? swords, dragons, and bookmarks3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? dairy and bees4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? what he actually has to wear differs from what he personally likes. his father is the king so because of that, he often has to wear a lot of suits/prince attire. but personally, when he doesnt have to be Prince, he likes to wear dark and comfy clothes, a lazy emo5. What is your OC’s first memory? he vaguely remembers aster being born and wanting to help his mom take care of her 6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? dragons!!! doesnt have a least favorite??? maybe mosquitos 7. What element would your OC be? hhhhh water 8. What is your OC’s theme song? something heavy and dark9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? he has a charming n husky kinda voice !10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? greed or envy11. What are your OC’s hobbies? fighting, taking care of dragons, making rings, and reading historical books12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? he’s been trained to be patient, for the most part, but when he’s passionate about something he tends to get hot-headed sometimes 13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? non-binary, bisexual, he’s an alien so he’s kinda pinkish… same color as aster but a little lighter 14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? loves seafood… isn’t really into eggs 15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? he Has his dream pet, a dragon, so he’s Good16. What does your OC smell like? woodsy and clean 17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? he’s a prince but he works with dragons a lot!!! it’s his Dream… or to sell his rings 18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? commitment, losing his family, and sharks. he gets too lost in his head at times, distances himself from everyone. he’s physically very strong and a charming/calm guy by nature 19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? he’s not the biggest music guy but enjoys rock/alternative/emo stuff20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? curious about everything, goes into almost every shop he can find and tries out so many different foods…21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? his last relationship was Bad and he’s still very much affected by it… he hates wearing socks to bed dfyguh it annoys him so much22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? excellent, top of his class23. What is a random fact about your OC? he loves tattoos and would love to be covered in them one day 24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? currently, his outlook is very bleak dxfyuibj he’s really sad,,,25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? i gave aster siblings and then slowly developed him in my head!26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? his family, specifically his siblings, anddd his ex boyfriend still haunts his almost every thought and action :/27. What kind of childhood did your character have? good!!! he and his siblings did so much stuff together dxfghjkl; i Love them28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? twists his rings a lot or shakes his leg when he’s nervous. doesn’t stim 29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? fuck, man, i have no fucking clue and neither does he30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? currently, no31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? his ex boyfriend tried to kill him once. he relives that memory almost everyday, and hates himself for not telling anybody about it. his siblings always know how to cheer him up, which he’s soooo grateful for. the 3 of them went to an amusement park once and just had so much fun, eating waaaay too much and going on all of the rides 32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? happiness33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? er probably wouldn’t but if it was his ex… he would reconsider 34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? his dads the king, hes a prince, so he often finds himself at balls or parties and pretends to be super charming and openly available for marriage, even though he doesn’t want it and his younger brother will most likely take the throne instead35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? he never stops living in daydreams or memories and would like it all to just. stop. let him b r e a t h e36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? peace. he wants everything to stop, he wants his head to stop convincing him somethings wrong when hes fine and he wants his thoughts to stop wants the voices gone.37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? he sucks skittles and starbursts for a long ass time before actually eating them…38. What would your character do with a million dollars? donate it all 39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? nothing dfhgjk he hasn’t restocked it yet,,, probably some clothes and random books lying around. uhhh probably some alcohol, candy, and a map. crumpled up paper and wrappers in his garbage can40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? uh probably alone and to get wasted or high,,, doesnt matter where :/41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? self isolates and simmers in his anger, throws shit and screams because hes so mad/frustrated 42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? theres some cigarette burns on his thighs from his ex, a couple on his back and arms/legs from either fighting or his ex… there’s probably more but id have to think a lot more on his ex and stuff, which i will do eventually!43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? towards the end of his relationship he probably said some harsh things to his ex44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? fine unless its super personal to him, then it reminds him of his ex and he cant focus on anything, he shuts down45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? inhales it. please feed him46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? stares at it for so long.. would probably carry it with him always dsfgjkl;47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? he things drawing buildings is super relaxing…48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? very loving! hes very grateful for them and how supportive they are, even if its unconventional to being next in line for the throne. they just want him happy more than anything49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? he loves candy, shoves it in his mouth so fast estrytuyul he only gets sugar rushes if he binges on candy around others??? never when hes just munching on it alone50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? i cant say he’d be entirely mad at his current state… would probably say his goodbyes and then just wait, or wander around waiting 

[tsaritsa]

for the serpent has died and i’m leaning by your side (5/6)

this fic can also be found on ff.net and ao3.

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He hates being reduced to the role of civilian – a convalescing civilian, even more. He hates the red tape that surrounds his recovery; hates that Riza still hasn’t come out of her coma like the doctors said she would.

The aftermath of the Promised Day isn’t pleasant for anybody involved.

She's still for days. He watches her breathing, watches the rise of her chest in slow, steady beats. She runs like clockwork – to the point where he can use her to count the time. Fourteen inhalations is equal to roughly a minute. He watches the drip attached to her left side. Every nineteen and a half seconds releases another bout of her medication. He watches the sparrows that cluster outside the window, chattering for the stale bread he throws them when lunch comes around. He counts the tiles in their room, their sides, and how many squares he can find within. She grows paler with every hour, the anemia becoming painfully clear. The blood did not take; and now Riza Hawkeye is fighting a battle on two fronts when one nearly killed her on its own.

He wakes at nine and watches her for fifty-five minutes before a nurse comes in to take him for his daily physio. Some days they do eye exercises: they practice focusing at different distances, reading unidentified texts at quick speed, exposing him to light in bursts that make him vomit on more than one occasion. Nobody is particularly sympathetic to his plight – they simply wait for him to finish kneeling over the rubbish bin before they pick up where they left off.

Sometimes they work with his hands and fingers: practicing cursive and basic shapes with different pens and paintbrushes. This kind of rehabilitation is harder because he has an actual injury hindering his progress, as much as he hates to admit it. They focus on hand-eye coordination; he spends time with the young children in the hospital, threading gaudy beaded bracelets for all of them that takes him more time than he’d like to admit to finish. They’re sweet children, and it is both humbling and sad that they’re the ones who give him the most affection. One girl called Daisy is absolutely besotted with him and demands that he plait her long silken hair every day – in return, she gives him sloppy and spit-smeared kisses all over his face. He’s not entirely sure how this is fair payment for his services but the nurses tell him in low tones that her parents abandoned her once it became apparent she would not be completely cured of her illness, and that this is the first time she’s responded so well to an adult who isn’t her doctor.

It’s easy for him to forget that there’s life that exists beyond his own, that there are problems that he can’t solve so easily with paperwork and his signature. There is nothing he can do for a girl who is barely six and already learning truths about humanity that he is still coming to grips with.

The wounds are still healing, but each day he feels like he is retaining more of his fingers – by the end of the fifth day in hospital, he is able to grip a pen for an entire page of cursive writing with only a slight twinge in his muscles. The doctors and nurses clap for him, and when they return him back to his room for lunch, she lays there, just as unnaturally still as when he left her, her steady breathing the only indication that she is alive, and not an unusually pretty but sickly doll.

"How long will she be in a coma?" he asks the nurse. She shrugs, and checks off the paperwork on his clipboard before leaving the room. He knows she has been under a lot of strain – and he had managed to read over her own clipboard before the doctors realised what he was doing. His men hadn't been lying to him – Riza had been quite literally put through the wringer, but the extent of it was still unfolding.

She'd already had one seizure during surgery, he thinks grimly, and her chances of another one were alarmingly high. Her blood was still reacting badly to the Rhesus-positive donation, and in hushed whispers he heard nurses talking about how there was now a complete national shortage of O negative and A positive blood anywhere in the country.

What stung even more was that he couldn’t even help. A donation for an O negative person could only come from another O negative – and the doctors were even on the fence about their decision to give her O negative Rhesus positive blood, (despite the dick that had dropped by to seemingly gloat about his decision to all but poison her).

Anything more, they whispered, and we would kill her.

He hates being reduced to the role of civilian – a convalescing civilian, especially. He hates the red tape that surrounds his own recovery; hates that Riza still hasn’t come out of her coma like the doctors said she would. He waits, and watches, and wishes, but nothing changes. There are still fifty-eight tiles in the ceiling. The sparrows still ask for food when he knows the Elric brothers are also feeding them, a few rooms down.

Riza still breathes, fourteen times a minute.

Edward comes by late Thursday afternoon. He looks lighter than Roy has seen him in years – finally he looks more like the young man than the soldier he had been pushed to become.

“Hi Colonel Butt,” he says, dropping himself down unceremoniously at the foot of Roy’s bed. Roy scowls and leans back into his pillows, crossing his arms gingerly.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Fullmetal?” He tries to keep the fondness out of his tone, but it proves too difficult – despite all the shit he’s going through – what Riza’s still going through, motionless and entirely unresponsive next to him: he is honestly so happy for the two boys. He still can’t quite get over seeing Edward with two arms made of flesh – it has already started to tan, gain muscle mass even after only a few days since he got it back. Roy’s hesitant to acknowledge that he has always viewed them as surrogate sons, in a way – besides being grossly inappropriate to say so while he was their direct superior officer – he was also well aware that Edward would find it difficult to accept the admission without publically rejecting it.

Perhaps when all the dust has finally settled he might be finally given the chance to do so, but until then Roy will hold his tongue. There’s an unconditional understanding that the boys already know, but there is a distinct difference between making an educated guess and being told.

Edward shrugs, drawing his legs up to sit cross-legged. “I thought you could use some company,” he says simply. He jerks his head in Riza’s direction. “Any change since last time?”

Roy shakes his head. “I don’t know whether to consider that a blessing or curse now,” he confesses. “A blood transfusion didn’t go well…so now it’s just a waiting game to let her body sort itself out, I suppose.”

“Well that’s shit,” Ed says bluntly. “She’ll pull through though. You best be prepared for the lecture she’ll have ready for you when she wakes.” His face splits into a wide grin. “Don’t think anybody will want to be around you guys for a while after that.”

Roy sniffs, and raises his eyebrows disdainfully. “If you’ve come to make fun of me, you can piss off, thank you very much.”

Edward leans an arm against the attached table at the end of Roy’s bed, poking at the food leftover from lunch with disinterest. “Whatever Mustang. I know you hate it in here just as much as me.”

Roy adjusts himself against his pillows, sighing heavily. “Can’t fault you there, kid. Has Alphonse been allowed to leave his quarantine yet?”

Edward makes a face, picking away at the stale bread roll. “We’ve been trying to figure how we can sneak him out to see something other than a hospital room but I think the nurses are onto us. They keep barging into the room like they expect us to be shooting drugs or something.” He laughs a little, but it is tinged with sadness. “Al’s been…not too well. The doctor gave him a vaccination for smallpox and the – what’d he call it? – DTE or something-”

“DTP,” Roy cuts across him smoothly. “Diptheria, tetanus and…pertussis, I think. You two didn’t get any when you were younger, did you?”

Edward shakes his head. “Winry’s parents used to be the go-to doctors for vaccinations because they always had shipments coming in from the big cities with their automail parts, but after they died people stopped getting them. It was too expensive.” His face drops suddenly. “This means I have to get one too, don’t I?”

Roy nods and tries to hide his smile. “I’d recommend it,” he says. “Get them all done in one go so you don’t have to worry about them later – they’re useful if you’re thinking about travelling abroad.”

Edward makes a face. “I’m done with travelling,” he says pointedly, and Roy raises his eyebrows in a sure you are way.

Edward sighs absently, pulling the bread roll apart. “I miss Win,” he says after a long pause, his long bangs hiding his face from Roy. “Like, she knows that we’re okay and that Al’s got his body back but…” he trails off, pulling the bread apart more roughly now. It crumbles under his grip easily, scattering over the remains of the unidentified meat they served for lunch today that Roy only took a bite of to decide he’d instead wait instead for Breda’s daily excursion to the deli down the road.

“Can she not come visit you here?” Roy asks carefully. He knows the young mechanic can be a touchy spot for Edward – knows and understands how important she is in his life.

Edward shrugs in a noncommittal manner. “It wouldn’t be the same, you know?” His voice is half wistful, half defeated. “Like, all the roads and railways in the East have been trashed and I know I’d be able to get her up here no problem but…it wouldn’t be right. Neither of us is in any condition to have lots of visitors – Al especially – and I don’t want to make her worry any more than we’ve already made her do. We’ve caused her enough pain.”

“I don’t think Winry would see it like that,” Roy says reproachfully, sitting up a little straighter. “She’s always going to be worried about you, whether you’re back home in Resembool or off saving the world – which, by the way, thank you for that. You’re considered family in every sense of the word and it’s not going to change all of a sudden just because you have. If she’s anything like you’ve described to me, she is going to be immeasurably happy for you. Like we all are,” he finishes pointedly, watching the younger man duck his head, red blooming through his cheeks.

It’s quiet in the room for a while. Roy grabs one of the books that Falman had left for him – apparently people in the North had nothing better to do than write lurid and exceptionally long tales of Drachman spies and wily Amestrian woman seducing them with ample bosoms and craft beer. Edward remains sitting at the bottom of his bed, alternating between pushing the leftover food around with a fork and flopping out onto his bed, idly quizzing him on various elemental properties and alchemical theories. It’s a welcome reprieve from what his life has been reduced to – waiting and waiting and waiting with no real end in sight. He knows Edward must feel the same, and he doesn’t begrudge him what little change he can make to his routine right now.

Eventually a nurse drops by and nearly drags Edward off the bed, fussing over him and chastising him for leaving his brother alone for so long. Edward rolls his eyes and gives Roy a pointed look as he leaves, Roy understanding that to mean he might be seeing Alphonse in the flesh (and doesn’t that feel strange to think? To fall of his tongue like it’s a normal thing to say about a fourteen year-old boy?) sooner than the doctors and nurses would have him believe.

this chapter feature some beautiful art by @rebbi-sonnenhell, which u can see on the ao3 version of this fic. i’ll be sure to reblog the art once they publish it bc i am in love with it a LOT

[queen-mabs-revenge]

@lenfaz replied to your post “I'm sorry you deleted that meta about Old Hook, I would have been very...”

can I join the anti AssAugust glorification fest? I can bring my own wooden doll

Ugh, and you know, the things is that I’m not even that anti a Wooden Swan friendship in the present day bc, look, Emma Swan is one of the most big-hearted people I’ve ever seen portrayed on screen in all my days and if she wants to reach out to someone who, frankly fucked her over badly, but who also was kind of dealt the same super shitty hand that she was through no fault of his own, like...go on my bb. If that’s how she approaches her healing, then damn more the fuck power to her.

And you know what, to be fair, I can fanwank a background where this all kind of makes sense? Like fuck this was a seven year old kid told by a bunch of grown ups that he was responsible for the well-being of a baby? Like theoretically should he have stayed with Emma? Sure??? But like...this is a kid who was sent away from the only family he ever knew, had the memories of that world and was probably realising that if he talked about it it was a bad thing, so he’s probably learning how to repress all of those memories for survival, and yeah, that’s going to super fuck a kid up.

And I don’t even have a problem with the idea that he might have run away as a teenager and found Emma because he had a lot of guilt about her, even though, what the fuck was he supposed to do??? but that he wouldn’t go back to the system himself, and so he only kind of kept tabs on her from afar?

But the whole prison thing, look, they all had fucked up childhoods and fucked up upbringings but what Neal and August did was beyond fucked up and the narrative has only sought to ignore that point of their history since, and it’s like ?????

And look, it’s just... if August had been and was going to be a more pertinent part of the story -- if they were going to actually develop the Wooden Swan friendship instead of this being a one and done (or two and done as it were) I’d kind of side-eye a bit, but fine. Look, I’m all for Emma having friendships. Would I prefer it be with someone like Belle, Ella, Elsa, or Ruby? Yep. I would 3000% prefer to see an actual healthy representation of a female friendship in OUAT for Emma? Totes. But three of those are either completely off the show or only show up for bit parts, and the other is a puppet to the Rumbelle debacle so what can you do?

But yeah, I just had to sit through 42 minutes of relationship development that is going to go nowhere, and at the same time had to watch the relationship that I actually care about be shelved basically since 6.05 so I’m kind of like...done? Not feeling magnanimous towards the WS dynamic? Feeling like these two episodes were literally Emma void of any in-character reaction to the people around her in order to make the ridiculous plot work? Feeling like it was a waste of time? Especially when I’m supposed to be getting invested in a build up to a major life moment for CS and I still haven’t seen more than 45 seconds of them living together?

So yeah TL;DR: I have mixed feelings about August and Wooden Swan, but I could be more open to it if it weren’t so useless and random, and if it weren’t at the expense of the travesty that shall not be named.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #284

“mama, we’re all full of lies / mama, we’re meant for the flies”

When was the last time you changed a lightbulb? About a month or so back I had to change Venus’ heat lamp. Who was the last person you sent an e-mail to? I emailed my older sister the OneDrive link to her holiday pictures I did. When was the last time you visited the dentist? What about the optician? It’s been quite a few months since I went to the dentist for a normal cleaning. I haven’t seen an eye doctor in around a year or so because it’s a less pressing matter, and we can’t afford to buy me new glasses anyway. I desperately need them. Do you sleep on your side, your back or your front? My side, stomach, or like a contortion of both. Would you rather drive or be the passenger? Let me be shotgun controlling the music and I’m set for a long ride. When was the last time you received a handwritten letter? Sara sent me one I think two years ago for my birthday. If you have pets, do you buy them gifts for Christmas or their birthdays? Ha, yes. We don’t know either’s exact birthday though, so we don’t really “celebrate” those. Do you know how to ride a bike? How about ride a skateboard? A bike, yeah. I don’t know how to skateboard, though. Did you get enough sleep last night? How much sleep is enough sleep for you? No. I don’t even know what “enough sleep” is. I’m always tired. What are your favourite condiments? Do you use those often? Ketchup and honey mustard probably top the list, considering they’re the ones I use most. Peanut butter: crunchy or smooth? Do you have a favorite brand? I trust no one who can enjoy crunchy peanut butter. I like Skippy quite a bit. Do you have any life-threatening allergies? No. Have you had to take a COVID test yet? Was it positive or negative? I haven’t needed to take one. Do you think it’s okay to keep cats indoors for their entire lives? They SHOULD be. Cats are very destructive and disruptive predators of once-stable environments. They fuck up the food chain and have done a lot of damage to native populations. This is coming from a person whose house was an absolute NEST for cats to the point they were taken away. They lived outside, and I can only imagine the harm they really caused. Of course, as a kid, I didn’t understand this, but as an educated and experienced adult when it comes to this subject, it’s saddening to look back on. Please, keep your cats inside. AND FIXED. Hence our cat empire lmao. Do you think people should need a license in order to keep animals, just to make sure they knew how to properly take care of them? That would actually be LOVELY. If only. Not that it would entirely prevent illegal ownership, but I like to think most people are law-abiding citizens… Which meal of the day is your favorite? What’s your favorite thing to eat for that meal? BREAKFAST! Cinnamon rolls just gotta top the list. When was the last time you bounced on a trampoline? Would you ever want to go to one of those indoor trampoline parks? It has to have been so, so many years. My knees could NEVER take that now. I’m not interested in that. What’s your favorite thing to put on a baked potato? Butter, American cheese, and bacon bits… yum. Have you ever made money selling stuff online? What was it you were selling? I don’t think so, at least not successfully. Do you have a valid passport? When was the last time you used it? No. What was the last song you sung along to? I’m unsure. I rarely sing along to songs. What was the last piece of fruit you ate? What about the last vegetable? Fruit: apple. Vegetable: ummm I’m actually unsure. Probably broccoli. Have you ever lied to the police or a customs official? Were you ever found out? No. Are you much of a procrastinator, or would you rather get things out of the way so you can relax? I am a HEAVY procrastinator. When was the last time you took an exam of any kind? I don’t know. Probably not since I was in school. What snacks/drinks from your childhood do you wish they still made? Ah man, I know there’s some… just too many to dig through to try and remember. Are you a fan of techno? Yeah, sometimes. Who's your favorite horror movie villain/monster? I don’t particularly like one over the other. What's an 'obsession' of yours that most people would find odd or amusing? Probably how much I love Mark, given that being a “fangirl” is usually seen as juvenile. What's the sweetest thing another person has said or done for you? Probably Colleen letting me live with her while I was homeless for a month or two. Said to me, actually from Colleen’s sister; I was having a crying episode over Jason and she just grabbed my head and told me with such passion that I was so beautiful, strong, and deserved the world. Safe to say I started crying more lmao but at least it wasn’t from sadness. What's the absolute best feeling in the world? Being in love. Does the person you have feelings for know you feel that way? Yeah. Do you like Tim Burton? Um, duh. How do you feel about hypnotism? I don’t believe it works. It’s just the power of suggestion. How do you feel about Pink Floyd? I’m not a big fan, but I like some songs. What’s your preferred way of keeping fit? Is it something you make time to do on a regular basis? You assume I AM fit… but I really am trying to change that with WiiFit again, once the living room is cleaned up. I plan to insert it into my morning routine. Have you ever raised a puppy? Would you want to or would you prefer to adopt an adult rescued dog? Yes, Teddy. Right now I don’t want another dog, but hypothetically, I’d absolutely go for an adult rescue. Who was the last person to come to your house? Were they an expected visitor? My younger sister. Yes. If you work, is your job the same everyday, or does it vary depending on what you have on? N/A Would you ever be interested in owning your own business? Why or why not? Well, I want to be a freelance photographer, so… It’s not off the ground enough for me to *officially* call it a business, but while it’s absolutely so exciting to picture, it’s also very anxiety-inducing, the idea of it (hopefully) getting to that point since I’m dumb as fuck in regards to business stuff. Do you have your driver’s license? If so, did you find it easy or difficult to learn and pass your test? Ugh, I don’t. I need it so badly, I know, but right now, I couldn’t even if I wanted to because my vision is too bad to possibly pass that part, and I can’t afford to see an eye doctor + get a new prescription. If you have pets, how often do you buy them new treats and toys? Venus is a snake, so… yeah, lol. She needs a bigger terrarium, though, but a 40 gallon is expensive. Roman gets a new toy every now and then, but he doesn’t play with them as much anymore. If you had to work a job that required you to do shifts, would you rather work the early, late or night shift? Early. Get it over with. Do you have a favorite type of survey to take? Yeah; I like the ones that make me think or are just questions I definitely haven’t seen before but are also interesting. Some random questions are way too specific to apply to most people. On a typical day, how long do you spend out of the house? Even before the pandemic, usually zero time. Do you live in a close-kit community? Well we’re the new family on the block, so it’s hard to tell quite yet. People were welcoming, though. Do you have a vlog? NOOOOOOOOOO. If not, have you ever considered starting a vlog? No, I would feel WAY too fuckin awkward. Did you go to AM or PM kindergarten? AM. What are your favorite YouTube channels to watch? The whole world knows Markiplier is my true favorite channel, but lately I’ve really been digging pet (particularly reptile or tarantula) channels, Snake Discovery in specific. I’ve been bingeing the fuck outta them. I’ve officially become the “I know more than you” Petco meme lmao. Which relative(s) do you look the most like? Idk. Have you ever watched a live birth video? FUCK no. I never would. That could be so fucking scarring to middle school kids, for Christ’s sake. I’ve never understood why they show them in a lot of health classes. Have you ever given birth? Fuck to the no; never plan to, either. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender? Nah. Have you ever worn overalls? Ugh, as a kid. They’re so hideous to me now. If you’re a girl, how old were you when you started your period? I was in the 6th grade, so 11-12. Is your mom mentally stable? I mean she has depression, but otherwise, yeah. What color hair did your first crush have? I can’t really remember who my first crush was with certainty… but I think I might. If I’m right, blond. What was the name of your first crush? ^ in minds, I think Aaron. Did you ever play on Mamamedia.com? Doesn’t ring a bell. Do you remember your first email address? Haha, yeah, it’s still my current one… Did you name your Lego characters? I was more of a Lincoln Logs kid. Do you take medication for anxiety or depression? Both. If so, does it work? Does it help you? Or does it make you feel worse? I’d probably be dead without at least my mood stabilizers. Have you ever had a bag stolen? I don’t believe so. Who was your best friend in high school? Hannia. What book or movie gave you nightmares as a child? Ha, no books or movies, I think, but remember King Ramses from that episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog? Oh, trust me, I HAD NIGHTMARES. What song makes you cry? The most, probably “Eternally Yours” by Motionless In White. I physically cannot listen to it. Does anyone know who your first crush was besides you? Maybe Mom? Idk. How many teachers have you had crushes on? None. Did you make your Barbie dolls get crushes on each other? I actually don’t remember? I don’t think we had any male Barbies, and of course as a little kid raised in the South especially, I didn’t even realize homosexuality was a thing, so we never considered the girls dating. Did your Barbie dolls go on dates? ^ How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. Do you have scars from self-harm? No, they’re long faded and were thankfully never very severe. Did your hair change at all when you went through puberty? Yep, it gradually turned brown. Are you taller, shorter, or the same height as your mom? We’re the same height. Would you ever consider adopting a child? I don’t want kids, period. The only possible case I see is being a stepmom, but even then I can’t visualize me being one to an actual kid-kid. Just like, maybe a mid-teen and above. Do you trim your own hair? No. What are all the things you remember being for Halloween? I’m very surprised that I don’t remember many at all. I know I was a witch multiple times. What was the name of the first pet that you loved? I adored almost every pet my family has ever had. Our first was a stray cat named Chance we took in. INCREDIBLE animal. What color was your nursery? I have zero clue. Do you exercise regularly? Ugh, no, but I genuinely plan on changing that once the living room is cleaned up and Mom moves into her room. I’m very serious about starting Wii Fit again. I WAS gonna start walking once we moved here, but I found I was too scared to alone. I’m way too paranoid. Do you have a healthy BMI? lol What photo editing software do you use? Lightroom, Photoshop, and very rarely PhotoScape if I’m being lazy with watermarking my photography. Do you live somewhere with lots of livestock or wild animals? Livestock, yeah. You pass cows all the time around here. If you’re in a more wooded area, you’ll find roadkill kinda frequently, sadly. Would you rather live somewhere rural or urban? Rural. It’s the only thing that sucks about our new home – we’re in the suburbs. Is there anything (a hobby, for example) that’s guaranteed to always make you feel better when you’ve had a bad day? Not 100%, really. If the day was truly awful, sometimes nothing helps. If you’re struggling with your mental health, who are you most likely to open up to, or would you bottle it up instead? I vent to my mom the most. What room of your house do you spend the most time in? Is this through choice or necessity? My room, and it’s by choice. The second room that I wanna make my “office” is still LOADED with stuff from moving. If you could design your own garden, what would you have in it? Do you think that dream is ever going to be achievable for you? I don’t want a garden. Does it take you a long time to fall asleep at night? What do you if you’re really struggling to get to sleep? It can take me very, very long. I dread lying down some nights just because I know I’ll be tossing and turning for a good while. If I’ve tried to sleep for a long time to no avail, I do what you shouldn’t do and get back on the laptop. Do you think it’s cruel when people keep exotic animals as pets? Or do you think it’s okay as long as they have the space, time and money to dedicate to them? This depends on the animal and situation. I do believe some rescue cases are justified for the animal’s survival, but as the question mentions, you need to be able to provide adequately for it to be moral imo. I do NOT support exotic pet ownership for the average person. If you eat meat, is there a particular animal you’d never eat? If you don’t eat meat, what’s the reason for it? I could never eat a “pet” animal, nor an animal hunted mostly for sport. Even in survival cases, I’d have a hard time eating a wild animal.