#really makes you hate having a hoarder parent that resulted in all your things being lost in a house of junk only to not have any time to

[bootyful-seventeen]

Sometimes I really wish I had time travelling powers just to fling myself back to the classic age of Barbie movies in the 2000’s and grab myself the dolls + a few of the fashion sets while they were still affordable

[purplesurveys]

1273

What was the longest time you’ve had the hiccups for?  Maybe for half an hour? Mine are never that bad.

What type of TV shows are your favourite?  Not a big TV show type of person to begin with since it seems as if my attention span wasn’t built for once-a-week, season-breaks kind of content haha. I do like sitcoms, I guess...bite-sized ones like Friends, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Big Bang Theory, etc. Drama shows I’d bite into if the plot is extremely intriguing to me or relevant to my interests, like The Crown or Breaking Bad.

Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything?  I was before then I wasn’t for a very long time, then I came back just recently with this BTS shit I got myself into.

Do you know anyone who has died in battle?  Hmm. I don’t think so. My great-grandpa lived a few more decades after the war.

When was the last time you went on an adventure?  July. My friends and I spent the whole day driving around and stopping by sooo many spots around the metro. It was a lot of fun and we were fucking b e a t after.

What brand is your vacuum cleaner?  I dunno. My mom mainly uses ours.

Are you good at rapping?  I have a number of songs and verses memorized that I can recite quite okay, but I can’t write any of my own.

Name one world issue that upsets you.  Racism.

How do you feel about tanning?  I never saw the the big deal. I will say tanning beds and salons are such a culture shock to me, though. Are some people really that obsessed with modifying their skin tone?

Have you ever given a public speech? Hmm, just the one time I was entered into a public speaking competition and was given a topic to talk about on the spot. That was honestly a lot of fun and I wish there were more opportunities to do that exact same thing.

Do you read comic books?  No. I tried getting into that whole thing, but didn’t see the appeal.

Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved?  Not always but if I’m starting to feel left out or awkward, I will start to ask a question here and there to ease my way into the conversation. But if the topic is clearly none of my business then I do stay out of the way.

Kiss with your eyes open or closed?  Closed.

Do you believe you can change someone?  This isn’t a black and white matter, I think. The idea of changing a person can have a lot of layers; in my org, for instance, I got to pick up a few quirks and behaviors from my friends just by being around them for a long time – in that sense, I changed. But you can also strive to change someone who’s struggling and try to make them become happy, which I tried to do with my ex – which of course I learned the hard way that you can’t change someone if in that context.

How did you react when your first pet died?  I was bummed out but didn’t throw a fit.

Have you ever drawn anime?  No.

Can you use a pogo stick?  I’ve never even seen one in real life. I’m dying to try it out just once.

When’s the next time you’ll see the person that you like?  I don’t like anybodyyy.

Do you like bathing/showering?  I mean...yes? Like I’m not obsessed with showering, but it’s a necessity that I have to regularly do anyway lmao.

Have you ever considered entering a race?  Sure! Just give me a couple of weeks to practice because my endurance and stamina are embarrassing.

Rihanna or Lady Gaga?  Rihanna.

Who was your first good kiss with?  My ex.

What accessory do you want in your bedroom?  SHELVES

What do you take the most pictures of?  My experiences.

What are you always in the mood for?  Starbuuuuuuckssssssss.

What is something that you never turn down?  A day out with friends. I’ll always make time. What is something that you always turn down when offered?  Food, if I’m a guest at someone else’s place.

Name something sexy about your significant other.  I don’t have any.

What is one of your hobbies that you refuse to give up?  Surveys, I guess. I enjoy them too much and have been doing them for nearly a decade.

If you could be a professional in any sport what would it be?  Tennis.

If you could be a professional at any instrument what would it be?  PIANO.

Would you rather be a surgeon or mortician?  Surgeon. I would be too terrified seeing dead people, anyway.

Have you ever been on a subway? Nope.

Are you in love?  No.

Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing?  Sure. Softly, roughly...both are fine hahaha.

Do you want to get married when you’re older?  I hope so. I want my turn, too.

What was the last band shirt you wore?  Eh, I don’t own any. I wore a fanmade V-themed shirt yesterday, if that counts.

You can have a milkshake right now. What flavor do you choose?  OMGGGG that sounds so fucking good rn. Chocolate chip cookie dough.

Have you ever given someone flowers?  Mhm, I used to give my ex bouquets whenever it was our anniversary.

What day of the week is usually your busiest day?  Monday like 98% of the time, so I hate them. It ultimately varies, though. Sometimes some days are a hell of a lot more hectic than others.

Do you have any concerts coming up? I mean...obviously not.

Do you like or hate the smell of fish?  Oh yessssssss. The smell of seafood/ocean always makes me fucking drool.

What’s your favorite brand of chips?  Pringles, or this local brand of salted egg chips that I love to get.

Have you ever written a poem and then read it aloud?  Yeah, once. We had to write a poem as our homework and my teacher picked out a couple that he thought were the best-written, and one of them was mine even though I still firmly believe I did a shit job.

Do you like pineapple?  Oh god no. One of the worse fruits I’ve had.

Does your house have a dishwasher?  No. It seems to be just a Western thing.

Do you know anyone who has a flower tattoo?  I probably do, but I just can’t give you a lineup of names. Flower tattoos seem to be trendy these days, especially in the line style.

How many different languages can you say goodbye in?  So I have goodbye, paalam, 안녕히 가세요, adios, auf wiedersehen, sayonara, au revoir...so that’s 7.

Agree or disagree: You like Adam Sandler movies.  Ummmm definitely childish and I can feel that the humor tries so hard sometimes but I do enjoy some of his movies, like 50 First Dates. 

Have you ever had to get a tooth pulled? If so, what for?  Yeah, I mentioned this on a previous survey.

Have you ever dated anyone while they were in jail?  No, I’ve never dated anyone who’s been imprisoned.

If you’ve ever babysat, do you like it?  I ‘babysat,’ but technically all eldest Asian daughters are expected to look out for their younger siblings and cousins anyway. I didn’t actively enjoy it, but sure, it was fun playing with them and it’s always nice to be viewed as responsible.

What is your favorite flavor on sunflower seeds?  I don’t eat sunflower seeds. I don’t dislike them, I just really never seek them out.

Do you get cold easily?  Yes.

Do you get a lot of spiders in your house?  Hmm no. If we do get visited they are almost always too small to be seen.

Do you admire nature?  Yeah, I try to be around it as often as I can.

Name one naughty thing you’ve done.  Had sex while a few people were in the same room. I pay for it now hahaha; those friends who had the misfortune to be in that situation have never let me live it down and it’s one of their go-to stories when I’m being introduced to new friends.

Name two of your favorite things as a child.  I loved everything Bratz. I also liked Play-Doh.

Do you own a Pillow Pet?  No, I’ve never even heard of that.

Do you tend to solve problems with violence?  Never.

Have either of your parents gone to jail?  Nope.

Do you know a hoarder?  I heard my grandma had been one, but I didn’t see traces of it when I used to visit her. I guess she had been when she was younger and stronger. I show traces of hoarding too, but I don’t think it’s at a concerning level; I literally just threw out a bunch of shit in my room I’ve hoarded over the last five or so years.

Do you wax, pluck, or leave your eyebrows?  I don’t touch them; I’m never all that worried about my appearance. On very rare instances, I will shave some of the excess hair off. Do you have any interesting scar stories?  None of them are interesting tbh, just results of my own stupidity.

Do you hate the texture of meatballs?  I don’t hate their texture but I also just don’t enjoy meatballs in general. I find them boring, which has always led me to think if they’re really supposed to be just boring clumps of meat or if I’ve just always been served average meatballs.

Do you get migraines? Yes, I usually get one after work. They’ve decreased in frequency now but one will drop by every now and then to give me a shit time.

Do you like guns?  No.

Are turtles amazing creatures? All animals are. :') < Yes! Except cockroaches.

How much time do you spend taking surveys?  I dedicate an hour or so every weekend. I often wish I can allot more time, but I also have other hobbies and interests I would usually want to catch up on during the weekends. 48 hours is just too short :(

Would you rather visit: The Eiffel Tower or Egyptian Pyramids? Pyramids, in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even need to think about it.

Would you like to work at a candy shop?  Uh no. If I had to, it would be on the back-end, maybe in the corporate side of things lol.

Do you have feelings for someone?  Nope.

Which one of your guy friends is the best looking?  JM.

Do you have anything to say to your ex bf/gf?  No.

Which band do you have the most of on your iPod/music player?  I don’t use music players anymore but my Spotify always reminds me of how much I listen to BTS whenever they do one of their quirky listening habit reports lol.

Which song describes your mood at the moment?  I want to go with RM’s Bicycle just because I’m feeling quite content and relaxed at the moment.

Which movie(s) do you quote the most?  Eh, I’m not a big movie quoter.

Which one of your best friend’s friends would you most likely date?  I honestly don’t see any of them as date-able.

Would you ever let anybody else drive your car?  Sure. I’ve let Hans and Gab drive it countless times when I’ve had too much to drink. It’s a small car and is fairly easy to use and navigate. I would let Anj use it too at some point, but I want her to perfect her u-turns first hahahaha.

Which one of your friends will be the most successful?  It’s already one of my friends to begin with but I’m not naming names. They come from a privileged background to begin with and their godfather already handed one of his companies down to them, so. They were also told the CEO position is already a sure slot for them.

What store did you last shop at?  I wanna say NCAT, this Korean-themed store that sells trinkets and jewelries and plushies and stuff. They also sell BTS albums so Anj and I dropped by to check out and touch all the albums we can’t afford yet HAHA

Do you think telepathy is real?  No.

When did you last draw something for fun?  Last Saturday when I played an online drawing/guessing game with my uncles and aunts.

Who makes the most in your entire family?  My dad.

Do you like writing essays?  I love essays, it’s my favorite writing piece to make.

Do you think plastic surgery is no big deal?  It turns into one when it gets obsessive, like when people get excessive plastic surgeries specifically to look like another person. I’m looking at you, fucking Oli London.

Do you take your trash to the dump or have it picked up?  It’s picked up.

When you sneeze do you sneeze into your shirt or your hands?  I look away and just sneeze. Sometimes I’ll put up my elbow.

Do you usually have sex in the morning, noon or night time? Erm, I usually had it at night. I only had morning sex when we would spend the night; and I nearly never had noon sex.

Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test?  No.

Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?  Gun to my head, Lil Wayne.

Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently:  Reena!!! I’m so grateful Angela introduced us to each other :) We both tend to get shy so we don’t actually actively get chatty when we see each other irl, but I love her presence and I love that she is my friend. I make up for it by being super friendly and wacky in our group chat haha. Does your car have a sunroof?  No. We used to have a car that did, but we had to sell that during the peak of the pandemic.

Are you closer to your mom or your dad?  Dad.

Have you ever had a friend with benefits? No.

Who’s the last person you cuddled with?  My ex.

Are you friends with any of your teachers on Facebook?  Yeup.

[mahvaladara]

Can I have all for Apollo? (the 40 ask ^^) and if you want too, Anika too 😘

I went in game just to take this picture. Spoilers bellow, be warned.

For Anika and Apollo

1. How does your character sleep? Peacefully, fitfully? What position do they sleep in? What is their typical bedding like?

Apollo: 

Mostly dreamless. He has insomnia, and has a hard time getting to sleep, he tends to check on his brother often, as their rooms are side by side, he can hear when Arlo is having a particularly bad night and that interferes with his sleep.  When he dreams it’s nightmares. His bedding is blue, obviously, fluffy and cool.

Anika:

She’s a heavy sleeper and goes to sleep quickly. She has a lot of blankets and is a blanket hoarder, she’s also a little spoon. Since her mother passed away she has a lot easier time sleeping, I guess her worries have evaporated, even if she feels someone else’s worries now.

2. Does your oc have dreams or nightmares? What are they like? Is there a recurring one?

Apollo:

His nightmares often involve a much worse outcome of the “accident”, usually it ends with Arlo’s death. Though Arlo’s survival was not without it’s consequences, in his nightmares they always fail to save him, and he often dies. Another variant of the dream has Arlo surviving and killing Apollo, telling him all those painful words they throw at one another like jabs and jokes despite the fact that they really can’t stand eachother. 

Anika:

Her nightmares are actually strange. Though this has never happened to her, she often has nightmares of being chased and raped. She hasn’t told her father, nor Apollo about it. She has these types of dreams because she fears being manipulated and controled once more, like she has been in the past.

3. How easy to annoy is your oc? Do they have common pet-peeves or are they stoic in response to everything? What is their reaction if the source doesn’t stop?

Apollo:

As a kid, Apollo was pretty easy to annoy, currently he has a lot more patience. He’s a smart kid, so his biggest annoyance is flat out stupidity. people who try to debunk scientific facts like anti-vaxxers and flat-earthers and supernatural deniers will have him fuming. 

Arlo also annoyed him, he used to believe Arlo was an asshole, a racist and a stupid idiot. But kids grow up. Arlo still annoys him, but because he doesn’t want to keep living.

Anika:

She’s pretty hard to annoy, but a pet peeve of her would be chewing with your mouth open. Like, close your mouth, you gross pig, no one needs to know what the fuck you’re digesting.

4. How does your oc view housework? Do they absolutely hate it? Do they enjoy having their surroundings neat and tidy or do they not notice?

Anika: 

She enjoys having her surroundings clean and tidy, but she has had and does have a maid who cleans up her house everyday. But she does well in Domestic Economics and is not the type to try and shoehorn her duties when it’s her class’s week to clean their floor.

Apollo:

He likes organization and tidyness, so he cleans up pretty well and is comfortable with doing chores. Arlo annoys him on this, as Arlo barely ever cleans up after himself, he usually yells at Arlo over it, but then he feels guilty as he knows why Arlo is like this. 

5.Your oc has to make something for an art exhibition. What would they make? How terrible is it? Would they enjoy making it?

Apollo:

He’s go for a more scientific exhibihit. Probably do something related with stars and the solar system. He’d actually be pretty good at it, Apollo is a bit of a natural genius and is usually “good at everything”.

Anika:

An acrilyc painting, stylized art. She likes painting women, usually black women, and especially faces, spcifically stylesed with a french animation touch to it, like if DC met japanese manga. She’s not amazing at it, not as good as her own mother who was a great artist, but she’s pretty good. 

6. What is your oc’s vocabulary like? Does it match the way they talk? How would you describe their speech?

Apollo:

He does not swear unless extreme emotions are at hand. As a kid he used to curse, but as a teen he doesn’t feel the need to.

Anika:

Proper, but this time associated with her education and status. She tends to look the way she talks and her vocabulary is posh and very proper. She’s as “british” as you get when it comes to her speech. 

7. How would you describe your oc’s voice? Do they have an accent? Do you have any voice claims for them?

Apollo and Arlo (Bonus):

For this one I have to compare Apollo to Arlo. Apollo’s voice is very sweet, calm and mellowed. He tends to speak more mature and it shows in his voice. As a kid he had a high pitch, tended to sound like a little girl, but when he hit puberty, he hit pubery. His voice is like the VA Aranas, from Skyrim’s interesting NPCs. He speaks much like Valgus if Valgus was more temperamental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-3Jo_zoiJs

Arlo as a kid had the same voice as Apollo, but tended to talk brasher which made his voice even more annoying and high pitched. After his accident, when puberty hit, his voice became much more raspier and deeper than Apollo’s. He doesn’t speak much so he has a “smoker’s voice”. Arlo sounds like Fenris from Dragon Age: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXKcBAwSpzo

Anika: 

Her voice is very open and clear. She tends to slurr her words, which makes Arlo refer to her as “mouthbreather”. She kinda sounds like Gal Gadot if she spoke like Kristen Stewart.

8. Is your oc more likely to follow instructions exactly, throw them out and figure it out on their own, or make it all up? What are the results like?

Apollo:

Apollo always follows the instructions to the word, and usually it turns out exactly as instructed. If the instructions are wrong, it’ll turn out wrong too. He’s pretty good at it though, and you can bet he’ll put an IKEA shelf together.

Anika:

Anika is a bit 50/50. She mixes a bit of instructions with instinct. Usually she gets off pretty well.

9. Is your oc afraid of touch or do they actively seek it out? Is there a reason for this? What are the exceptions?

Apollo:

He’s pretty positive to touch, and actually seeks it. The person he most enjoys touching and being touched by is, without a doubt is Anika. It’s more than sharing a heart, they are just compatible.

Anika:

Anika is a bit more privy to touch. Her parents were never particularly affectionate with her, and she is ticklish. The exception is Apollo and her mother, when she was alive. She enjoys Apollo’s touch, and she enjoys touching him. 

10. How is your oc about medical care? Do they avoid any form of healthcare that they can, do they seek it out over every little scrape? Do they treat their injuries/illness all by themselves?

Apollo:

Apollo does seek doctors, he actually wishes to study to become a doctor. It’s an objective of his, so he is a strong supporter of the healthcare system.

Anika: 

She hates hospitals as much as the next person who has had a chronically and terminally ill family member. But if she’s really hurt and can’t fix it herself with magic, she does go to doctors.

11. How competitive is your oc? Is every little task something that they can win, or are they just in competitions for the fun of it? Is there anyone they’re most competitive with?

Apollo:

He is very competitive, and he is competitive with everyone, especially Arlo, though these days Arlo proves little of a challenge. Apollo is very skilled, and he works very hard to be so, he’s a natural born genius, and he’s also very responsible and determined, which helps. He always has to win and when he doesn’t, it upsets him. He’s bad dealing with frustration, something Arlo beats him to. The only two things he looses at are being the oldest, Arlo is older than him by two minutes, and magic. In raw power, Arlo can wipe the floor with Apollo’s arse.

Anika:

Anika has never been competitive. As an only child she’s never had reasons to be best at anything as she was the only one. As long as she worked hard and had good grades, all was good with her parents, So, most competitions are for the fun of it.

12. How skilled at lying is your oc? How frequently do they lie? For what reason? What situations would be the exception?

Apollo: 

He is a terrible liar. He couldn’t lie for the life of him, so he usually doesn’t. He’s pretty honest with everything, and only lies when trying to protect someone.

Anika:

She’s a good liar, so and so. She couldn’t trick a skilled detective, but she’s good enough at lies to get herself off the hook and get her way.

13 . What is your oc’s immune system like? Are they invincible to illness, or are they compromised completely from the slightest of dirt?

Apollo: 

Pretty good. Apollo, like his father, is immune to most illnesses, virus basically brush through him like the flu, though he does get sick on occasion. He however is blind as a bat, and without contacts or glasses all he sees are blotches of colour.

Anika:

She has always had a tough immune system. Probably because she has spent a lot of time in hospitals with her mom, she’s caught all type of bugs, and these days is pretty tough to most of them.

14. Does your oc do anything “just for the aesthetic”? Or are they completely practical in everything?

Apollo:

He wears contacts just for the aesthetic, but also because as he plays football, it’s safer if he uses contacts instead of his glasses. His glasses would be much more practical though, as his contacts don’t have the strength he needs, and they don’t have the colour correction his glasses do for his color blindness.

Anika:

That nose ring, anything that makes her look “witchy”. And she does wear box braids just for the aesthetic.

15. If you had to choose a single object to act as a symbol for your oc, what would it be? Why?

Apollo:

A stetoscope. He’s a doctor, a magical doctor but still a doctor. Though he dreams to be a doctor and prefers to aid and heal those around him.

Anika:

A star wand. She’s a spellcaster, one who enjoys using her magic to grant wishes, both her own and those of those around her.

16. If your oc could only eat one thing for the rest of their life (while miraculously not suffering from malnutrition), what would it be? Does this match their favourite food?

Apollo:

Pizza. It’s his favourite food.

Anika:

Ice-cream. Though not her favourite food, the amount of flavors and ways you can eat ice-cream pleases her.

17. How prepared is your oc? Ready for the worst no matter what, or completely lost in every situation? Would they have a medkit when it was needed? Would they have an umbrella if it rains?

Apollo: 

Super prepared. Now more than ever. He’s always ready for the very worse situation. That’s why he’s the “mom” friend.

Anika:

50/50. She usually gets ready for a bad outcome, but she’s not the type to walk around with an umbrella if the weather forecast said it would be sunny.

18. How charitable is your oc? Or are they more stingy with their resources and money?

Apollo:

Apollo is stingy. He does give away things if he really doesn’t need them anymore, and he’s usually careful so when he gives something away it’s practically new, but giving money is a no. 

Anika:

She is charitable, but much like Apollo, she’s more into giving away needed goods like food, meds and clothes, and not so much money. In the middle of a crisys you’d see her volunteering and giving away tons of food and first need goods, but don’t expect her to donate money anytime soon, even if it’s for a cause she believes in.

19. If someone was describing your oc to someone who had never met them, what distinguishing features would they mention? How would one identify your oc in a crowd?

Anika: Apollo is that tall black haired with sharp green eyes. He is will be wearing blue, he always does. He might be wearing glasses if he’s out of contacts. He stands out, tall like a pole.

Apollo: Black girl, black hair, sometimes braids her curls, has the most beautiful black eyes you have ever seen. Always wears yellow or violet. Loves highwaisted everything. She’s always wearing these star earrings, impossible not to spot her in a crowd. Her eyes are like the core of a star, they’re beautiful.

19. Does your oc have any pleasure that embarrasses them so they keep it secret? Or are they open about all the things they enjoy?

Apollo:

Yoga. He does yoga, in leggings. He won’t admit he likes it, and if you ask he’ll deny it. But he likes yoga.

Anika:

Three words. Rainbow, Unicorn, Onesie. It’s fluffy, it’s colourful, she loves it, but won’t be caught dead wearing it publically and if you ever catch her, she’ll deny it.

20. What is your oc’s stamina like? Would they be able to run a marathon, or not run at all? What about walking/another physical activity? How are they with exercise in general?

Apollo:

Has energy to spare. Plays in the school football team, plays basket and jogs regularly. He could run a marathon and has great grades at Gym class. 

Anika:

A-okay. She likes football, could probably score well at the mile. Not a marathon fan and doesn’t like running, but does well enough at exercise.

21. How long can your oc stay focused on one task before they get bored? Do they constantly have to switch things up or do they hyperfocus? What sort of things is it the opposite for?

Apollo:

Apollo can focus pretty well at tasks. He doesn’t hyperfocus and sometimes needs to switch things up a bit so he doesn’t bore, but can focus pretty well at the task at hand. Unlike Arlo, he has no attention span issues.

Anika: 

She can stay focused at anything related with magic and art, usually hiperfocuses at easal as it’s her go to stuff. Movies and television bores her and she can’t watch a movie all the way to the end, same with books. Though she enjoys reading, it’s very hard for a story to hold her longer than a few chapters.

22. What is the most annoying sound to your oc? What’s the most pleasant? Is there any reason?

Apollo: 

Dogs barking. Like his father and brother, he is not a dog fan, so he hates the sound of dogs barking or howling.

He finds the sound of birds very soothing.

Anika:

The sound of someone chewing drives her up a wall. She hates it. 

Much like Apollo she enjoys the sound of birds and leaves rustling.

23. What smells bring back specific memories to your oc? What are those memories like?

Apollo:

The scent of earth and plants always remind him off his dad and their garden. Flowers too.

The scent of blood and flesh reminds him of the accident.

Anika:

The scent of lavender reminds her of her mother, the same with the scent of antiseptic. The later more specifically reminds her of her mother’s illness.

24. How jumpy or easily spooked is your oc? Do they have a fight or flight reflex to being startled, or are they never startled at all?

Apollo:

He isn’t easy to spook, but hearing people yelling puts him on high alert. A yell would activate his fight or flight/heal or kill response. But again, he’s very alert, so he isn’t easy to startle. Mom friend.

Anika:

Also not particularly easy to startle. You can’t exactly spook her with silly things. But lightening and fire do startle her and scare her, especially after the accident, as lightning and fire are Arlo’s main magical elements. If she gets scared her fight and flight reflex is very present and her first reaction is to run and then fight.

25. How polite is your oc? Do they do everything with the utmost courtesy, or do they completely refuse to say please and thank you?

Apollo:

He’s pretty polite. He doesn’t do everything with the utmost courtesy, but he does have his manners. At first contact he is always polite, but if you behave rudely towards him, he’ll answer in the same coin, though he rarely swears.

Anika: 

Anika is always polite and proper. She doesn’t easily bend to insults, she is used to them, so she always answers with courtesy. She finds proper ways of making things clear to those being complete assholes.

26. How flexible is your oc? Can they touch their toes or do they have trouble just sitting down because of how stiff they are?

Apollo: Very flexible. He does yoga to calm himself, as he is terrible at dealing with frustration and he has a bad temper. So he can bend pretty well anywhere.

Anika: She is also quite flexible. As a young girl, she used to do ballet before her mother got sick and as she enjoys sports, she never really lost that flexibility.

27. What is your oc’s typical walking like? Do they speed-walk everywhere, do they take quick short steps or long paces? On their tiptoe, the sides or heels of their feet? How loud are their footsteps?

Apollo: Long quick steps. He’s tall so he does take very long steps, but he also is loud. He has heavy and loud footsteps, as if he’s always in a hurry.

Anika: Her steps are shorter, but also loud and quick.

28. If your oc was in a video game, what would their idle animation be? (When the player stays still for too long, the animation that plays.)

Apollo: He’d be shifting weight between his heels and he’d be crossing his arms and looking around annoyed that he’s standing around doing nothing.

Anika: She’d be putting her hand on her waist and shifting weight, checking her nails and hand back to waist.

29. What topics does your oc know the most about? Are these obvious or would these be surprising to others?

Apollo: This one a bit unfair because Apollo is a natural born genius and that boy knows a bit of everything. It’s annoying at times.

Anika: She knows a lot about magic and art. She even knows more about magic and art than most people you know. It’s actually debated rather or not she should become a sage, for all her skill and ability.

30. What time of day is your oc most awake? What about most tired? Do they get up at the same time every morning without need of an alarm, or is their sleep schedule all over the place?

Apollo: He’s pretty much a morning person and always gets up at 7 am straight regardless of tiredness degree.

Anika: She’s more of a night-owl and likes to laze in bed in the morning. She’s the type to wake up and spend at least 15 minutes in bed awake getting mentally ready to get up.

31. What five ingredients would you throw into a cauldron to make a potion based on your oc? How would you cook/mix them? What would the potion do?

Apollo: Batteries, gray cat, an Oxford compedium of medecine, a beaker, a football.

Anika: A unicorn, a magic wand, a fantasy book, balett shoes, an easal.

32. Describe your oc’s favourite environment. Urban or rural? Wild or controlled? What’s the climate like?

Apollo: He likes cities. Large cities full of people, the noise of cars and sirens in the background and the sound of people talking. He loves libraries as much as he loves stadiums, this is why he loves cities, because you have a bit of everything.

Anika: She has lived on the countryside her whole life, so that’s what she is used to. She enjoys the quiet and the fresh air, 

33. What would someone blackmail your oc with? Would they be successful in getting what they wanted?

Apollo: His siblings and Anika. You could blackmail Apollo with things related with the wellbeing of Arlo, Syra or Anika and he’d do whatever you wanted. But that’s pretty much it. It’s hard to find other dirt on Apollo as he tends to be a “model” citizen and he’s too smart to let trail when he isn’t.

But with the wellbeing of his family, you’d be garanteed to get your way.

Anika: Once her mother and it was used to get their way. Currently depends, threatening her with Apollo could get your way, also threatening to reveal to her father what she and Apollo truly did that got her mother killed and nearly killed Arlo would also get your way, thankfully only three people know the truth, and that’s her, Apollo and Arlo and they’d rather keep that skeleton burried.

34. How easily does your oc get attached to things? Does everything have a sentimental value to them, or do they see nothing as more valuable than its practical use? What about with people/animals?

Anika:

She doesn’t get attached to things. She has always been pretty well off in life, so material goods is not something she ever struggled with. The only objects she’s very attached to are her nose piercing, Apollo gifted her, and her easal that used to belong to her mother. 

As for people, Anika is very attached to the people she considers important, same with animals. She doesn’t like loosing people and has a certain dificulty with loss. 

Apollo:

Apollo is stingy, so of course he is attached to objects. With him, any object he aquires must last as long as it’s decribed in it’s run time. He doesn’t like sharing and holds everything he owns as valuable.

As for people and animals. Apollo is less attached to people, he can shut people off his life with an extreme ease. Despite being very popular and loved by his class , his true friends are reduced. Despite feeling an extreme devotion and brotherly love for Arlo, Apollo doesn’t actually consider Arlo his friend. 

35. How stubborn is your oc? Are they easily convinced of the opposite opinion, do they not agree but let it happen anyways? Or do they cause conflicts with their inability to budge in their decisions?

Apollo:

A natural born genius and leader, so he is often right on what he says as right. If you’re denying facts he will not step down from his opinion or his decision if he is sure he is right. But as a genius he actually can be quite reasonable and accept opposing positions as long as they make sense.

Anika:

Not stubborn at all. She likes to hear all points of a decision or opinion and will respect opposing positions. When coming to decisions, she usually prefers to make informed decisions, so she often waits until she has all sides of the coin known. 

36. How much has your oc traveled? Why is this? Would they like to travel more? Or are they perfectly fine with staying home?

Apollo: 

Not particularly well traveled. He has traveled to a parallel universe, but he’s been bound to a specific locations of this universe. Outside from this, only a student outing to Granite Falls.

He’d like to travel more. He wants to visit Mt Komorebi when he’s financially stable.

Anika:

Quite well traveled as a kid. Went to Oasis Springs, Del Sol Valley, Sulani and even mt Komerobi.

She likes traveling, but she’s perfectly fine staying at home.

37. What signs tell that your oc is nervous? Do they fidget, is it in their expression or the way they say things? Or are they very skilled at hiding it?

Apollo: It’s easy to see when he gets nervous, as his temper flares. He usually starts talking louder as if to get heard and he frowns profusely if nervous. He also fidgets his feet around and nervous taps. It’s clear in his expression.

Anika: When nervous she pulls on her lower lip repeatedly. 

38. How superstitious your oc? Do they end up following them ‘just in case’? Or are superstitions incredibly important to your oc? What are some that they believe? What about the ones they don’t?

Apollo: Is not supersticious at all. His scientific and magical knowledge is too great for him to actually believe in supersticions. One supersticion he has however is that after 2:30 am nothing good happens. So because of this supersticion, when he’s on a night out, he usually returns home around 2, 2:30, but never stays past it.

Anika: Anika does believe in some supersticions. Namely the friday the thirteenth being a day of renewal and strong magic. 2020 being an unlucky number and black cats being the best familiars.

39. Are there any habits your oc has picked up from people around them? Do they know where they’re from? Does your oc try to stop themselves from doing it?

Apollo: He has picked Anika’s way of speach and expressions. He doesn’t stop himself from doing it.

Anika: She hasn’t really picked any habit from anyone. She’s pretty much her own self.

[obeymematches]

Obey Me matchup please?

Hello, how are you? Thank you for taking your time to do this for me!~

About me: I’m a hetero Female, 5'3" (161 cm), long dark blonde hair, blue eyes, pale, thin build, and wear glasses cause I’m blind af. I have a tomboyish sort of dress style. I like hoodies/jackets, don’t like to wear skirts/dresses or high heels. I almost never wear makeup unlike most girls. I have skin allergies so makeup makes me itchy. My MBTI is INFP and my enneagram is 4w5. 

I’m a more quiet person, although I love memes and quoting things that make me laugh. I have a really immature sense of humor so sometimes simple potty humor is enough to get me going. It takes me a long time to fully trust someone. I have a lot of issues I don’t like to talk about, including the fact that I’m autistic (aspergers to be precise) as it’s something I really don’t like about myself. I’m extremely self conscious about my looks, I don’t think of myself as pretty or attractive. I hate it when people see me cry so if that happens I will hide and not come out till I’m ready. I have no confidence in myself, but I do have a willingness to learn. I can be sarcastic and will sometimes be a troll just for my own amusement. I consider myself more on the independent side so I’m not someone who needs constant attention. I like having my space and enjoying the silence when needed. I have a weakness for animals (especially cats, my cat is my baby) and Pokemon plush (hoarder). I’m into anime, manga, and video games. It’s pretty much what I’ve invested all of my time into. I’m really reclusive and only go outside to work or go grocery shopping, although it’s nice to get away from it all once in a while. I’m also a low energy person, so I enjoy a good siesta when I’m really tired. 

I don’t know if I would consider myself touch starved, but I it’s hard for me to be cuddly/intimate even with my family members, despite us being close. Not sure if it has to do with my autism or not, touch for me with other people is just kinda weird. That said, I’d like to be more intimate with those I’m close to, just have to get around the awkward feeling it gives me. Oddly enough, I touch/kiss/hug animals like my cat just fine. With animals, there is no awkward feeling. I’m the oldest of 3 children, and my sister wants to be hugged often and while I love her deeply, I wish she wouldn’t hold onto me for so long. My brother is more like me, we love each other, but prefer to express our bond by talking about things nobody else really understands. It confuses our parents and strangers, but that just makes it the more entertaining for us. 

What I want in a partner is someone who I can truly bond with. Like a twin flame/soulmate kind of thing. Someone who is not only my partner, but also my best friend. I want to be their one and only, their number one. And of course, I want to let my partner know that they’re my one and only too as well as my number one. I’m not the kind of person to cheat on my partner, and I would hope the same from them. I want us to be able to trust each other 100%, that we always have each others backs. I want us to be there for one another when one of us is going through a rough time. Being the introvert I am, I do not require constant attention from my partner. I would understand perfectly if my partner needed time to themselves or just wanted to hang with some friends. I like the idea of marrying my partner. I’m a low sex drive person so unless I’m sure it’s with the right person, I’d prefer sex after marriage. I’m not real big on the idea of children because I don’t think someone like me would be a good parent. However, I am open to changing my views on this. Looks to me aren’t as important as how we connect on a personal level. I do think physical attraction should be part of a relationship, but it should not be the main basis for said relationship. 

As for a favorite character, to be honest I don’t really have one. I think each character is enjoyable in their own way, including the undateables. I guess if I had to choose one of the characters, I’d pick Levi. As for the undatables, I’d have to pick Simeon. 

I hope this wasn’t too long. Thanks again for your time and I hope you have a good day. :)

------

Hiii!!!! 

Thank you for sending in a request!!!

I was pleasantly surprised when you mentioned that you like Levi the most, because he was exactly the one on my mind as I read your request. 

So I hope you like the result!! 

I match you with Leviathan! 

So your fashion style is something worthy to consider as that’s something that gets others attention and says a few things about you even if you talk to a stranger. I think Levi wouldn’t mind at all that you prefer to be comfy! Honestly, he feels the same about this and he would never try to pressure you into wearing something you don’t like. (I mean you can expect him to cosplay with you at times, but thats more fun if you want it too.) 

Having a sense of humour makes people more attractive. A sense of humour is usually each to their own, but I think Levi would get your jokes the most. 

Levi doesn’t trust easily either, I mean first he has to figure out whether or not you’re  normie, but even if you are not he still has to make sure that you are actually genuine. This probably comes from his low self-esteem. 

When you are with him, you have to deal with him talking down on himself a lot and hopefully you are patient enough to handle that. (but also don’t let him use that against you to manipulate you, he is a demon afterall)

In return he would also help you with your insecurities, like i totally see him saying stuff like “so if you think you are ugly then i am much worse than ugly”

He would learn a lot from you and about you also. Like he would never tell you he is not interested when you want to rant about anything. Like your experiences, interests, opinions, anything. He knows he has a tendency to rant so the least he can do is listen to you when you want to talk about something. 

The two of you could definitely troll social media as a bonding activity!!! 

He has similar views on going out and independance, so the two of you understand and respect boundaries really well, which means theres no conflicts about that!

Oh pls don’t siesta with Belphie ever, it would make Levi so envious and he might think you’re cheating. 

 I think Levi is not too affectionate either, like touching him turns him into a mess. Good luck trying to talk to him after that for like 3 hours. But I think after he trusts you a bit more and after he believes that you are actually trustworthy, not just a nasty human normie, he will try to be intimate with you more often. His libido is much less than Asmo’s or Lucifer’s, so I think he can restain himself well enough for you to be okay and for him to not cross your boundaries. (in canon he is a virgin if i know right so he can wait a couple more years if that makes you comfortable.)

 Levi would do his best to get along well with your siblings, though he is very socially anxious so pls be prepared to help him out in case he freezes. But I think after he gets used to them he would want to hang out more at your place - you don’t have as many siblings as he does so the place is more quiet, also your siblings are actually fun, unlike that loser Mammon. 

I also think being best friends with your actual partner pays off at the long run, and Levi is a very good candidate for that. (as we can see in his phantom devilgram story). He may be a shut it but that doesn’t mean his life is boring or he does nothing at all. In canon he has several creative hobbies, like drawing, sculpturing, cosplaying, but he also reads, plays games and watches anime. So there are many things to do!!! He would be honored of you indulged in his hobbies and he would do his best to show you the ropes! In return he would do the same in case you pick up a hobby he never had before. Just a fun bonding experience, thats all

Trust, loyalty and honesty are the main values he looks for and he has them in himself as well. Tho as I mentioned he will take his time with trusting you.

Hmmmmmmm idk about his take on marriage though. Like i’m certain theres the demon equivalent for that and I think his opinion depends on their traditions. (or like if it’s a wedding with traditions of both worlds, idk how that would go because he is a demon so idk youd have to talk about the religious parts a lot. also he will not be able to  handle the whole town being there because of the above mentioned anxiety) but like a private ceremony with just the two of you sounds good! (i mean he is just happy that one person somehow ended up in love with him, he wouldn’t really have any issues with commitment.) 

I think you’d also be able to balance out his tendencies of being irrational at times, like when he talk down too much on himself or when he impulse bought something for the 17th time this week. and it’s only tuesday. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #259

"i went straight to heaven, but i kept on knockin’.”

What's something that makes you feel more creative? Music. What are the last three nail polish colors you wore? Wow, idk the last time I wore nail polish, but probably black or maroon. What's the last thing you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. Do you watch youtube videos or tv shows more? YouTube is essentially my TV. Quite literally - I don't have a television in my room because I never watch it. What's a DIY project that you don't think actually works? Oh dude, plenty. I have DIY-obsessed friends online as well as a Pinterest, I know this shit, lmao. I can name one though with total certainty because I was with a friend when she tried that disgusting "YOU CAN MAKE cuPCAkES IN A C uP!!!!!" crap. It's the most eggy shit you'll ever try. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I think those crafts are generally super cute. Have you ever gotten rid of something and then regretted it? If so, what? (or what's one thing?) Oh yeah, one of my biggest being my senior prom pictures, but not for the reason you'd expect (save for two pictures of us that're just REALLY fuckin cute): I want them back because goddamn I was pretty ok and I miss that now that I hate my body every waking moment of every day. :^) What color is the zip-up hoodie you wear the most? Don't have one w/ a zipper, they're ugly. Do you live in an apartment that has inspections? No. Do you hate taking naps during the day? Nooo I love naps and usually take one a day. I tend to feel really tired all over again a few hours or so after I wake up. Who in your immediate family has the best natural hair? MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Would you ever audition for American Idol? Hell no. Do you know anyone who thinks they're more talented than they are? Lol wow, this is mean. I don't think so. Do you buy gum? Rarely, even though I like it. What's your favorite dollar store?  I don’t have a favorite, I'd say? But I think we normally go to Dollar General. How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime? Maybe like, six? Have you ever been inside a Victorian mansion? BITCH I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!! I would kill to get married in one, omfGGGGGGGGGGG. What was the most boring field trip you ever want on? I don't remember a bad one. I loved going on field trips. The last time you went, what were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? I’ve never been. Which country would you most like to visit? Eeeeek idk, but probably South Africa. What are your favorite types of videos to watch on YouTube? What I watch on YouTube has become pretty diverse, but I know my favorites are easily Mark's actual big projects w/ egos 'n shit alksjdflk;w gOOD SHIT MY FRIENDS. I still love let's plays, of course! Are you a hoarder? No. Is there a guy (or girl) that you wish things had worked out with? Yes. If you were to start a collection, what would it be? I'd loooove Shadow of the Colossus stuff, particularly the amazing figures they used to have only in Japan. And World of Warcraft stuff; all I have rn is an Illidan poster and a fae dragon plushy hanging from my ceiling that Jason got me. If you were rich, what things would you get done cosmetically? Mother of god, a lot. #1, make me skinny again for the love of fuck. Which would result in loose skin being taken off and probably a breast lift because being overweight ruined my comfort with them laskdjfw. Whiten my teeth and give me laser hair removal surgery on my legs, please. Are your parents too controlling? Not at all. Who is your favorite fictitious redhead? VOL'JIN Blizzard what the FUCK give him BACK What shows have you seen on Broadway? None. Who is the prettiest Asian YouTuber that you can think of? Bitch Mark is Korean and he's gorgeous as fuck goddamn it ain't fair. But this is a weird question. What is the best news you've heard lately? When my mom got a follow-up blood test, things looked good!! She especially needed to level out her sugar, which she did well on. She also didn't lose or gain any weight, so that's wonderful. Have you ever flown first class? Hunny I am v poor. Have you ever had food SO bad in a restaurant that you sent it back? I don't believe so, anyway. Do you talk in your sleep? Very regularly now. Have you ever locked yourself out of your house? OOF, yes. Are you the type of person who can shake insults off easily, or do they tend to stick around in your brain & bother you? They stick with me for a long, long time. At least two I remember from years upon years ago. Who was the last person you cut out of your life intentionally? My old therapist that I trusted and loved when I fucking shouldn't have. Where were you raised? By who? Eastern NC, by my parents. What were your first words? "Dada." What were some of your favorite things when you were young? DINOSAURS, Webkinz, Pokemon, and Spyro, to name a few. What did you grow up listening to? Mostly country and pop music. What games did you play in the past? Spyro was my obsession, and I also loved hunting games (ironic, as irl I would never even consider it???) as well as fishing ones, plus Crash Bandicoot. What was the best birthday party you ever had? I'm not sure. How about the best vacation? I'm unsure; I haven't really been on a lot. Do you have any secrets you never intend to tell? Yup. What memory would you like to disappear from your mind forever? A nightmare I had about my dad. If you were someone else, would you be friends with the person you are now? Yeah. Do you consider yourself a smart person? No. What friend in your life has been the greatest influence to you? I don't know. Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been? What made it so terrifying? I shared a bedroom with an EXTREMELY volatile, violent woman once in the mental hospital. As in she had to go in solitary when she had a violent episode, during which she became very destructive to her surroundings, so as you could guess, I was worried about my own wellbeing. She was eventually moved because I was that uncomfortable. Did you celebrate Easter? Are there any holidays you are more inclined to celebrate than others? If so, which? Well, Easter hasn't come yet, but we'll probably go to my sister's house for the kids. We'll celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving without fail. We don't pay much attention to others. I'd LOVE to do something for Halloween, we just never have anywhere to go/anything to do. What was the last thing you deleted? Pictures. What colors make up the majority of your wardrobe? Is there any color you like, but don’t wear often? There's black there. Oh, there's s'more black. What's that???? More bLACK????? MAN, I wish I could pull off pink. When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? I had a pretty intense headache yesterday. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? My niece, and yeah, every time I visit. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? The fact I almost never leave my pajamas lmao. What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? A few days back, I was reeeaaally bored and actually watched TV deliberately, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?????? It was The Witcher; wasn't bad. I'd be willing to watch more. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? uuuuuggggGHHHHHHHH let me be GOTH. Give me a corsette if they weren't notoriously uncomf with plenty of chains 'n stuff. BIG, SPIKY BOOTS. SKINNY LEATHER PANTS. UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH. Have you ever tried snowboarding? No. What’s your favorite planet besides Earth? Saturn is dope. Would you ever be a coach for any sport? Nope. What color of eyes do you have? Blue. Do you like tacos? NOOOOOOOOO. White or red wine? Wine is gross. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Foxes. What’s the youngest you would consider dating? No younger than 21. Do you think suits are sexy? mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Did you go to high school with your current best friend? No. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I was never really a fan. Respected him immensely as a musician, I just didn't care much about his music. Turkey or ham for Thanksgiving? Ham. Turkey is always too dry and stringy. Do you look good in hats? I wouldn't know, I haven't worn one in forever. Never with short hair. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face's eyes? Colons. Do you like architecture? If so, do you have a favourite style or structure that you’d like to make note? Yes, and I should really have an answer for this, as architecture was a big part in Art History... Ummm Etruscan stands out, and of course Roman/Greek (even after the class I don't remember their differences well...). I love Middle Eastern architecture, too. What is one of your favorite words, in any language, and why? I just love the sound of "serendipity," as well as uhhhh "sakura" in Japanese and "kanji" in Chinese. I'm trying to think of a German one, as there certainly are some, but they're evading me right now. Where is the farthest you’ve travelled on foot? JESUS FUCK probably going to get Sara's brother from school, mother of all that is holy. But it might just feel like it because it was during the peak of my muscle atrophy in my legs. Are there any songs that you perhaps like but avoid because it makes you sad when heard? A good number. Do you like the area that you live in? What do you like or dislike about the area? NO. There's not shit to do and it's not aesthetically pleasing at all. Do you have a memory of when you really thought that you have lucked out on something? If so, what was it? Uhhhhh. A handful, I guess? Oh, uh, the suicide attempt to name one and probably the biggest. I took way too many of those pills to experience almost zero symptoms of an overdose; I did look up what "too many" was, because I wanted that. I'd say I was pretty fuckin lucky. If you have apps on your mobile phone, which one do you use the most? Facebook. Which do you like better: fantasy or science fiction novels? Why? FANTASY!!! I think it allows more creativity and possibilities of something magically "making sense" because yeah, it's fantasy. Science fiction has more "realness" to it, more, obviously, scientific elements versus make-believe. Do you like opossums? Do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets? OPOSSUMS!!!!!!!!! ARE!!!!!!!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're my second-favorite animals kdsja;lkdjaw. BUT ANYWAY, no, unless it's for rescue reasons. When was the last time someone asked you a huge favor or advice? Do you get asked often by this person? Oh I have no idea. Probably my mom? And no, definitely not. She hates asking for help. What are your thoughts on nihilism? I definitely get it, but it's not my personal outlook. Do you like the snow? More like love. What are your thoughts and feelings towards work/jobs in general? I don't know? I've never even had a real, steady job, so it's hard to really answer... I've only had bad experiences. It's kinda weird to me how you have to work your ass off (usually) to get a job you enjoy, as well as slave for some stupid green paper until the day you die just to stay alive and healthy. But at the same time, it offers a sense of fulfilment and is as well something productive and beneficial to the masses to do. Civilization would be very, very different and unadvanced if we were without them, so I guess it is a necessary thing. Humans gotta work together to keep where we're at. Do you believe in astrology? I've never actually elaborated why I don't believe in it so there ya go: not in the slightest. All it does is offer extremely broad characteristics that, in some light, almost anyone can relate to so they feel included in something. We naturally want to "belong" within something as social creatures, and astrology is an easy one with it being so vast. It gives equally indirect advice that can be applied to a multitude of situations, so people just mold what they read to fit their world. Don't base your goddamn life choices on the random positioning of shit in space. What is something that you’ve made/created? Do you take pride in your creations? Well, way way way too many OCs that I do indeed love a hell of a lot. If you have a Tumblr account, do you have any followers that you wish would not follow you? Well I'm sure there are bots. What kind of books do you generally enjoy to read? Fantasy stuff, mostly. But I also love novels with deep meaning, particularly about life in general. A good plot is mandatory. Does the quality of a video, on YouTube or a television, matter to you? I mean of course in some situations, like if I'm watching something educational/something to gain visual knowledge from. What is one situation that may cause you to become shy (if there is any)? Don't don't don't don't don't point out that my serious interests/things I massively love are "weird" like it's been years and I can still barely explain why my biggest tattoo is a tribute to some fuckface on the Internet lmao. When one is depressed, what can a friend do about it? Do you find that there is a good method to approach people in helping them combat depression? It is SO important to, first, ask them what they want. Do they want advice, an ear to just listen, just your presence, to be alone? As for combating depression, that greatly depends on the origin (if any) of theirs. There are so many factors in answering this question, but what I mentioned should, imo, always be the start. Do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? Is it a little bit of both? Definitely both. When I'm sad though, I'm almost definitely listening to somber music too. Do you find yourself to be generally a forgiving person? I'm too goddamn forgiving. Do you have an embarrassing memory that you now look back at and can laugh? If so and if you’re comfortable, could you share one here? Omg I have a Bible-length collection of those suckers. I'd prefer not to. What is one skill that you have worked hard to develop? Is there still room for improvement on that skill? Damn, anxiety-coping mechanisms and actually trusting them to help me through attacks. I used to be convinced that they were useless because it just wouldn't work and weren't immediately effective, but you've gooooooot to trust the process, friends. What do you consider to be your main passion(s) and how did they come about? Spreading awareness of the seriousness of mental health and the comfort of knowing there's hope. You can never stop pushing. My own experience with mental health struggles is definitely the deeeep roots of that. Who do you think influenced you the most in your life so far? Why? Jason changed my life in many ways. Trauma does that. He taught me a lot about the necessity of having faith in yourself to survive on your own, a shitload about love and how it's not some fairy tale, and that people change, even those you least expect to. What is something that you have overheard people talk about that really bothered you? I could name more than a few things about race stuff, living where I do. What do you normally say or how do you normally act in response to a compliment? I usually do this shy laugh and say "thank you" with too much enthusiasm. How many books do you own? Do you have more physical books than electronic books? I've no clue where a lot of my old ones are. I have no electronic ones; I strongly prefer to read a physical book. What are your thoughts on higher education? Is it really necessary? In your opinion, what changes can be made? Depending on your aspiring career, it can be necessary, but just as easily, it can be unnecessary. I know for a fucking fact it should not be NEARLY as expensive as it is. Maybe even free, but I have no idea what monetary concerns that could cause with whoever runs the place. Have you ever received a heartfelt compliment from a stranger? Probably at some point. How many people would you consider to be extremely close to you? "Extremely"... like three lmao. Maybe one more or so. When was the last time you had to speak to a crowd? How well did that go? When I was taking pictures at a wedding last. It went okay. How would you describe your general outlook towards humanity? We by no means deserve to be the apex predator and Earth would be a shitload better without us. How long do you think you could last without any contact with your significant other, best friend, or a person whom you consider would be the closest to you? I'll use my mom here, in which case idk. I don't particularly want to find out. I talk to her at LEAST by text daily. Every day now that she can't work/is always home with me. Have you ever realised that someone was lying, but it was too late to confront them? Nope. Eventually speaking up is how I lost her, but.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

15 questions meme

tagged by @turianosauruswrex a while ago, thanks!

Are you named after someone? nope, my parents literally found my name in a baby-name book and liked the meaning (something like "of the Lord" or "gift of God").

Last time you cried? haha welllll that would probably be when Endgame came out and what I was getting from my thirdhand accounts was that not only was Loki still dead, the time travel overwrote everything, so what we were left with was a single timeline where 2012 Loki left with the Tesseract, wreaked havoc, gave it to Thanos, and died anyway, so it felt like...you know, it wasn't enough for them to kill my boy, they had to make him evil again and shit all over his memory and it seemed really awful and mean-spirited. also I think I was PMSing so that didn't help, but the result was I spent most of a day genuinely struggling not to cry. the time before that was probably back in November, the first time I walked Hazy, because she looked so much like Scully from behind and I was hit all over again with how unfair it was that he was gone and how much he'd lost over the past year or so even before he got sick. the last time I actually full-on sobbed was October 5, the day he was put to sleep. (I was also trying to get over a cold at the time and could barely talk, so the combination meant I REALLY had a terrible time making myself understood and I used up a damn mountain of Kleenex.) I really don't cry much, and maybe that's not super healthy because I hear it's supposed to be cathartic, but I don't remember ever getting that--it's just messy and I get an awful headache, and I don't so much get to a point of feeling cried out as much as I just get sick of it and make myself stop.  

Any kids? lol no. not like, living human children. I do have a "my kids" tag though. and Loki is my disaster child. and some of my action figures are my kids. I always assumed I'd have kids because it's What You Do, so I don't think I realized until at least college that it wasn't necessarily something I wanted, and then I eventually realized it was something I actively didn't want. I don't mind being an aunt, but aside from not having a chance to buy some fun baby gear I've seen (like a vampire-teeth pacifier), there is literally not a single part of the child-making-and-having process that appeals to me.

Do you use sarcasm? possibly too much. sometimes I confuse older people when I say, with obvious sarcasm based on the context, that something bad is great, and then I realize I have no idea how else to convey, like, a tiny bit of dark humor about something bad, and I’m a millennial so I gotta make those Jokes(TM) to cope  

First thing you notice about a person? I...don't know.  this always strikes me as a weird question because it's like...you mean a random person I walk past on the street, or the first thing I notice when I actually meet somebody? it depends on the person, too, because for instance if some random stranger has really rad dyed hair, I will definitely notice that and probably compliment them.

What’s your eye colour? hazelish, which is a fancier way of saying I used to think they were green but they’re more brownish than that without being outright brown.

Scary movies or happy endings? "both is good" dot gif

Special talents? ummm. I'm pretty resourceful, is that a talent? I'm often the person who goes "oh I have that in in my purse, want to use mine?" when somebody needs a bandaid, ibuprofen, a screwdriver, fingernail clippers, iPhone charger, etc., although of course the drawback to that is I'm kiiiiind of a hoarder and I'm almost incapable of packing light. finding random Loki stuff might count as a special talent at this point, idk.

Birthplace? middle of nowhere Minnesota.  

Hobbies? Reading, writing, collecting Loki stuff, attempting to customize action figures, cosplay but I'm not very dedicated or good at it, video gaaaaaames (but I’m also not very good at it)

Do you/have you played any sports? I was on the swim team in Barrow for a while but it was like...not really a competitive thing, just the next thing to do after swimming lessons. also entirely my parents' idea; I mostly hated it. (now swimming is one of the few forms of exercise I don't hate, in part because you can't feel yourself sweating when you're in the water.)

Pets? sweet but dumb Siamese-looking cat named Smocha (smoky + mocha). extremely silly, wiggly, kind of high-strung little dog named Hazy.

Height? 5' 3.75". that three-quarters of an inch is important.

Favourite subject in school? probably English because I pretty much always knew what I was doing.

Dream job? are we talking "literal dream job that doesn't actually exist because nobody would ever pay money for this" or something more realistic? because if it's the latter, I really don't know--I'd like to be a published author but not as an actual job, for instance, and at one point I thought I'd love to write for BioWare but now I think working for almost any game company would be a nightmare. if it's the former, I would like to receive a good salary and benefits to sleep as much as I want, play games, write fic, and cuddle my dog, so obviously that is never going to happen because that’s not a job.

I do not have the brain power tonight to tag anyone, sorry

[j-k-notrowling]

Untitled

Hi there! Spoilers up front: this is a gratuitously long-winded “thank you,” not an Ask (also I’m 31 and don’t know how to Social Media so apologies if this is the wrong page/tab/link/widget).

--(oh actually it’s a blog post now because of course I can’t send an “Ask” this stupidly long see? wasn’t kidding about that Social Media thing...)--

I started writing my first book in the Fall of 2016. Before that I’d only written songs. One day I got an idea which didn’t fit within the usual rhymes or rhythms. I tried and tried, but kept on hitting a wall. In addition, I was fed up with the whole “business” of music—the fragile egos, the politics of being in a band, all that. One morning I sat down at my HP desktop computer (again...31) and opened up a blank Word document. I stared at it with murderous intent for a long time, but nothing happened. So I grabbed the nearest book off the shelf (Crash by J.G. Ballard), opened it, and began to type out the first paragraph, copying the sentences line by line. I wanted to see what it felt like — my clumsy fingers pecking at the keyboard, observing how the words fell into place with a musical cadence and tempo almost prophetic, as though the ink were destined to dry in this exact form upon the page, the machinery of its tumultuous birth and impeccable design skillfully concealed. I paused and looked out the window. There was a squirrel on the deck, I remember. And then I saw it. Not outside but inside my own head, behind my eyelids. The song, the one I’d been struggling to write, I saw that it could be a story. I saw it had a clear beginning, middle, and end. I saw a world of characters opening doors to other worlds, other stories, other characters. This was life-changing shit. Suddenly I was a little boy at my first baseball game, drinking my first ice-cold Coke, surrounded by old men chain-smoking Marlboro Reds and muttering dirty words I’d never heard before about the [EXPLETIVES DELETED] on the opposing team. I’d discovered a fire fueled by the psychic anarchy of its own discovery, a Moebius-strip of dramatic invention, a repository for all the pop-cultural turds floating around inside the cracked porcelain toilet bowl of my skull. I wrote prose every night after work. I never thought about what I was doing. I never once stopped to check word counts or page counts. I never thought about sticking to an outline, making sure my story adhered to a specific plot structure, none of that. I wrote like a man in love. Delirious, overheated teenage love. Wear-my-ill-fitting-letterman’s-jacket love (is this also A Thing™️ in Canada?). Stupid stupid stupid love, naive and hormonal and precious and retrospectively mortifying. I’d turn off the world, turn on the music, sit back and watch the words sashay straight into my lap. It took 2-3 months before the ruthless scourge known as Self Doubt farted in my private elevator. Am I doing this right? How many words are in a book, anyway? How many pages? How long is this going to take? Is this an effective way to impress women and/or get laid? Am I writing a novel or a novella? The fuck is “flash fiction”? Are you allowed to write actual books in Microsoft Word? Does it matter that my free trial version of Microsoft Word expires in 30 days? They’re bluffing, right? And so on. I compared my own writing with that of authors I admired; subsequently, I couldn’t get out of bed for a week. I watched 40+ hours of “Kitchen Nightmares” reruns (it’s. the. same. fucking. formula. every. single. episode.) and nursed my shame with bowl after bowl of strawberry ice cream. To think — I’d TOLD people about this fool’s errand, and sooner or later I’d have to show them precisely how awful a writer I was... I turned to the Internet for advice. At first, it seemed like a godsend. There was such a litany of knowledge, so many pro-tips and life hacks and proven formulas for success. This was how I stumbled across your channel. I found other channels which offered more straightforward “DO IT LIKE THIS YOU FUCKING IDIOT” instructions, but I still enjoyed yours the most. I lol-ed at your jokes. I remember a few videos where you spoke highly about All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, which remains among the most achingly beautiful books I’ve ever read. Also you’re Canadian, and you guys just generally Human better than we (Americans) Human. ...and here my troubles began. See, the more I tried to adhere to word count goals, the more I tried to properly organize the scenes on my Scrivener™️ virtual cork board, the less I enjoyed the actual process of writing. So I tried other things, based upon other writers’ suggestions: cut the adverbs, write in the morning, write at night, write during your lunch break, write an outline, stick to the outline, write x amount of pages per day, write x number of hours per day, spend x amount of hours drafting and x amount of hours editing, etc. But nothing I tried made me feel confident in my writing. I started actively hating it, to be honest. I dreaded the cursor and the infinite white void. Then I would watch more writing videos and feel guilty about my lack of ambition, my inability to accomplish simple tasks. It’s only a few thousand words, dude — just get in there and do it. Eventually I would. I’d grumble and feel miserable and stay locked in my little writing dungeon all night, ignoring my friends’ texts and phone calls, and the next day I’d hate everything I wrote, trash it, and start over. Then, when I had no more writing left to hate, I started hating myself. The words in my head turned malignant, putrefied into spongy, black tumors. I’d spend all day at work consumed by thoughts and ideas and goals! goals! goals! for my book, then I’d come home and stare at a blinking cursor and wonder why I was such a worthless failure. I couldn’t write the way these other writers did, no matter what I tried. But I still wanted to write. Needed to, in that yearning, terrible way I suspect you understand. I don’t know why The Internet subconsciously invites us to flay ourselves before total strangers, but it does. So I will. Shit got Dark™️, Shaelin. I gained 50 pounds, started living like a hoarder, stopped hanging out with my friends, stopped leaving the house altogether. I kept the curtains closed so my neighbors wouldn’t see the piles of empty take-out boxes stacked up on the kitchen table. I traded the pleasures and contradictions and beguiling enigmas of women for the 24-hour neon distraction of cheap porno. My cat Maggie, basically the only friend I had during this time, got cancer. I watched her suffer and waste away because I couldn’t bear the thought of putting her to sleep and coming home alone to an empty, filthy house. Eventually she died and I hated myself even more for not being able to save her. I wore the same pair of pants for six months. I’d go to work and sit at my desk all day and do absolutely nothing (I was the accounting manager at a small company, technically my own “boss,” so I got away with this for a shocking, frankly heroic amount of time). Then I simply stopped going to work. And I kept torturing myself with those stupid goals and word counts, never happy with the end result, resigned to feel like a failure every day. I remember watching your “Spill the Tea” video back when it was initially posted. Watching it now is eerie, because you describe exactly what I was going through, what I was feeling. Like, to the “T” (see what I did there? #WordPlay #LitPuns101). I’d never experienced anxiety/depression before, so I didn’t really understand what was happening to me. Not that it mattered, because by that point the damage was done. I couldn’t recognize and isolate the real problem. I’d given up. Even though you said a lot of things in that video I desperately, desperately needed to hear, I didn’t listen. I didn’t want to listen to you, because you were one of Them™️. Your eyes were bright and your voice sounded friendly and encouraging, but your name wasn’t McCarthy or Pynchon or DeLillo or Nabokov. You were just a kid. What could you possibly know that I didn’t? In January of this year I called a local psychiatric hospital and told them I was planning to kill myself. I never harbored any true intentions of doing that, but I figured they’d offer me a nice three-week vacation in a padded cell. Considering the circumstances, it honestly seemed like a relief. I ended up quitting my job, selling my house, and moving back in with my parents 300 miles away. I started seeing a therapist once a week (still do, for the record). So far I’ve lost 30 pounds of the 50 pound surplus I acquired. I kept watching your videos, even though I was no longer in the market for writing advice (#JustHereForTheSnark). You kept me lol-ing through some bad days and weeks and months. I’d listen to you talk about problems with the writing community and nod my head like an old woman in church (#ShaelinSermons™️ #SheTeachesANDShePreaches), but I still hadn’t made the connection with my own issues. I swore off writing completely, went back to playing music. Cover songs in coffee shops and family restaurants. It was fun for awhile. I genuinely felt happier. But my story was still an old pebble poking around in my shoe...calling out, issuing playground taunts, drawing hairy cartoon dicks on my forehead while I slept. About a month ago I stared down another blank page, my first since experiencing that fun-sized nervous breakdown earlier this year. I closed my eyes and heard your voice in my head. “You can do whatever you want.” I had no goals, no arbitrary quotas to meet. I wrote a few lines, stopped, fixed a couple things I wasn’t satisfied with, and then went on with my day. I thought about what I’d written, sure, but I didn’t worry or spend the whole day stressing out. The next morning I read over what I’d done, and I didn’t hate it. I thought it was actually pretty good, funny and off-kilter and a little/lotta fucked up. So I sat down and wrote some more. Took some things out, re-worded stuff, dressed up the bones in silver and pearls. Addition and subtraction. Before I knew it, I’d finished a whole page. Then another. And then the hair on the back of my neck stood up, because I remembered: This is how it felt at the beginning. Back when I was young and love-struck and writing only to catch those moments of pure levitation, that devilish tickle, that rush of blood propelled by my own wild heart. It’s been a rough road, but I finally found what I’d lost. I figured out how to write again and enjoy it. And ultimately, the best writing advice I received didn’t come from McCarthy or Pynchon or DeLillo or Nabokov. It came from a young woman in another country with a camera and a nose ring and a big tapestry and bigger dreams which run parallel to my own. So thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your busy life and braving the Steaming Pile™️ that is The Internet to offer words of empathy and encouragement to complete strangers. Thank you for the wisdom you share. Thank you for being who you are. Know that tonight the stars shine brighter as a result. They do for me, at least. (Also I’m sincerely sorry about the absurd length of this “Ask” wherein no actual questions were posed and nothing substantial was communicated beyond a simple yet torturously delayed “thank you” kthxbye #longlivethenewtapestry 

—Justin)

[thevalkyriesonline]

Nine Worlds; One Valkyries Trip To London’s Inclusive Fan Convention

Conventions appeal to different fans for different reasons, whether it be comic con, a game expo, YouTube/Blogger convention or whatever the medium but one common factor in all of these conventions is the possibility to meet other like-minded fans! As well as hopefully getting the chance to meet your idols! 

There is a Con though that really thrives on fans, it is called Nine Worlds (London’s Inclusive Fan Culture Convention). A Con with a difference – the difference being it is made by fans for fans to meet other fans and just enjoy and celebrate their fandom in all it’s crazy geekiness.

It has been going since 2013 when it was first set up but I only heard about it last summer (2017) when I discovered that one talk held there was titled “It’s research! Or Why it is ok to play over 100 hours of Dragon Age when you really should be writing.” This, as a huge Dragon Age fan since discovering Inquisition, spoke to me on a level that none of my immediate friends understood or appreciated. Unfortunately I was unable to attend Nine Worlds in 2017, but the fact that there was a time and place to have such a discussion on such a unique fan-based topic inspired me to endeavor to attend in 2018. So as soon as the Early Bird Tickets became available I put my money where my heart wanted me to and I began to plan and save for a big solo adventure to London for Nine Worlds 2018.

I also made another bold and brave and foolish decision to sign up as a Content Provider for Nine Worlds 2018!

Why? – because why not? I have been a mega reader, hoarder and fan of all fiction featuring, adapting or retelling Norse Mythology for years and Nine Worlds provided me with the ideal and probably only platform where I could take the chance to share my enthusiasm and passion for the genre of Norse Fantasy. The Nine Worlds Team accepted my proposal, so, on top of saving for the hotel room on-site and booking train travel I also had to plan a lecture/talk – I was both really nervous and really excited! The months, weeks and days soon dwindled down to departure day and then I was off down to London for what I hoped would be a fun and busy weekend.

Now on to the fun bit – the various sessions and events and panel discussions! These were the ones I attended but over 50 were held each day of the convention so this is just a small sample of what fandom and genres were covered.

Session One – LARP (Live Action Role Play). Speakers; Penny Jackson, Adam Dinwoodie, Mx RA Madgwick and Haplocke Spence

As I am attending my first ever LARP event, set in the world of Dragon Age in November this was a must for me! The panel was made up of experienced and new-ish LARP players and they gave a great insight into how LARP’ing works, the various types and systems involved, clothing and equipment, rules for both play and player protection and more.

Session Two – The Only Toilet in Thedas. Speakers; Sarah Gordon, Phil Dyson, Angela Cleland

Now who couldn’t resist that title? Especially when you are a Dragon age fan. This panel discussion was the most interesting because it covered not just the world of games but also of books, TV and Film. It made me realize how much in Fantasy the practical matters of hygiene from toilets to sewers to bathing are just not address yet in Sci-Fi it’s more visible. The panel discussed whether it was a taboo or simply a matter of too much detail on a very personal and private matter – for instance do you want to know how long the hero, heroine, villain or indeed any character takes on the toilet? If they wash their hands or not? – but then again social, religious and cultural practices exist even within the bathroom and so perhaps it should be represented more?

Session Three – Know Thy Enemy. Speakers; Adrian Tchaikovsky, Jeanette Ng, Ms Anna Stephens

This was a panel debate all about the nature and representation of Villains. I found it fascinating to discuss Villains and their nature, one panel member made the very good point on how it is wrong to see the Villain as the champion of Chaos and the Hero of Order for it is in fact the other way around. In many scenarios across all mediums it is the Villain that has established some type of order whether through politics, society, culturally or religious or just geographically or financially but it is the Hero who emerges to disrupt that form of order and thus bring about chaos. This made me instantly think of Katniss in the Hunger Games, she is rebelling against the ruling society and its cultural practice of the Games and thus brings war to the capital city and thus chaos. Another issue discussed was whether the viewer/reader must be sympathetic towards Villains. The panel debated hard on this topic and in the end agreed that sympathy isn’t necessary for a Villain to be a true villain or a good villain but what is necessary is that the viewer/reader gets a sense of the Villain’s journey to their villainy – they must see where, how and why the character has become the Villain, whether for good or bad, and so enjoy the Villain’s redemption or come-uppance by the hero.

Session Four – D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) for Young People. Speaker; Elizabeth Prais

In my day job as a college Librarian I had recently learned of a lunch-time Dungeons and Dragons group being set up by a teacher after some students expressed an interest. So, I was eager to learn more tips and tricks to either host such a group in the Library or pass on to my colleague. The lady who hosted this session hailed from America and was very open about how she ran her local residential D&D group for her daughter and some local children. She gave some great recommendations and advice on timing, kit, planning, preparation and how to adjust and adapt the large and complex set of rules for a younger more impatient audience.

Session Five – Philosophy and Mass Effect. Speaker; Michael Duxbury, Emily Marlow

Now this was the first session I wasn’t entirely clued up on as I myself am still stuck half way through playing Mass Effect 2 by Bioware so a lot of the moral/ethical dilemmas they talked about I hadn’t actually experienced yet, or I couldn’t remember what I chose in the ones I was familiar with. Yet it was interesting and food for thought on how the scenarios were portrayed, and the fixed set of options provided resulted in the moral and ethics becoming such a personal dilemma for players. It wasn’t always a case of choosing the lesser of two evils but how the player and indeed the character depending on their Renegade to Hero balance would pick. Some panel members and indeed people in the audience felt that more choices would improve and increase the dilemma levels instead of just A or B. The panel also discussed how often, at least amongst themselves, they would pick based on the benefit or not long term, not the short term and play with a view of working towards achieving success or a goal.

Session Six – Beyond Marvel and DC – What comics you should be reading. Speakers; Angie Wenham, Stephen Lacey, Kate Barton, Ram V

The panel mentioned a great many titles, artists, apps and webcomics that they recommended as alternatives to Marvel/DC and then invited the audience to contribute. I recommended Nimona* by Noelle Stevenson  and I Hate Fairy Land by Skottie Young.

* Interested in Nimona? Check out our review! 

I Hate FairyLand

Nimona

Session Seven – Disney Sing-A-Long

This was the true highlight for me as an eternal child thanks to the magic of Disney. I wasn’t the only adult in the room, it was a very popular event and there were children of all ages and their parents and even a few Disney cosplayers too. We were all able to sing-a-long via screen projecting the words, or handouts or follow a link online. A whole range of songs was sung and Frozen ‘Let It Go’ proved to be a major popular one with a member of Con Staff leading a friendly stage invasion and then everyone proudly showed off all the right moves to the lyrics. I honestly was in tears with joy as some of the most powerful songs were sung by young and old alike.

The final event I will review was the FABULOUS MMORPG SHOW. Speaker; Misha Anker, Paul Flannery

Which was a blend of audience power and D&D – we basically had the Game Master who set up a story, invited some members of the audience to join him on stage and fill in character sheets but they had to be as unconventional as possible and then he would invite the audience to provide character names, objects, powers etc. to the story narrative and the players would roll a giant D20 (20-sided dice) to determine the outcome. This was a whole lot of fun and silliness and the story involved a Bee with a Human Leg, a Swarm of Wasps and a Wizard whose greatest spell was making Jam, they had to find the Cheese Board for the Duck of Doom! You had to be there to believe the story and it was amazingly resolved within the 1 hour and a half session.

Norse Fantasy, My own presentation! 

Was scheduled bright and early on a Saturday morning the night after the first big disco (alas Becky did not go dancing due to a very painful wisdom tooth spoiling things) and yet the room quickly filled up much to my delight. Despite not having the colorful presentation I spent hours on, due to not having my own laptop to plug into the screen, I was still able to explain, explore and introduce so many of my favourite authors and titles to a new audience. Some of the audience also proved to be fellow fans of many of them and a good number took photographs of my favourite title list to go away with to look at later and thanked me for the session, which was an awesome feeling. I was even complimented on my choice of t-shirt for the session – my own Valkyrie t-shirt from Redbubble. It says, “Valkyrie of Odin – Midgard Original – Since 793”. If you are interested in my presentation, I am planning on doing a written version of it for the Valkyries Blog so stay tuned!

Last but not least was the fab mini Geek Market that was on all weekend and as it was also my birthday, I indulged myself in another t-shirt from Genki Gear, some D&D themed tea, tea strainer and mug, two new bookmarks, some funky acrylic necklaces featuring a book and a fox in a bin, some super cute little clay keyrings of Flynn Rider, Thor and Pizza and of course BOOKS! Each attendee got a surprise free book in their bag, but I got two based on libraries and books, The Invisible Library by Genevieve Cogman and Bookworm by Christopher Nuttall – expect a review on here once I have got around to enjoying them.

Now the managing team have recently stepped down to consult with attendees and invite new members, as they are reviewing their constitution to try and make it more inclusive and representative of those who attend. Although from what I witnessed their inclusive and equality practices were out of this world compared to other cons I’ve been too. I do hope the new organizers can continue what has already been established and continue to make improvements where they feel it is needed. I for one enjoyed it all – despite my wisdom tooth being a very literal pain throughout – for I definitely would attend again.

Did you attend Nine Worlds? What did you think? What was your favourite presentation?

  Purchasing through our amazon affiliate links earns us a small commission at no extra cost to yourself! Any commission earned goes to keeping the Valks in coffee!

A Valkyrie at Nineworlds! @london_geekfest #nineworlds Nine Worlds; One Valkyries Trip To London's Inclusive Fan Convention Conventions appeal to different fans for different reasons, whether it be comic con, a game expo, YouTube/Blogger convention or whatever the medium but one common factor in all of these conventions is the possibility to meet other like-minded fans!

[bulletproofcarats]

Hey Stranger

SeungcheolxReader, 

Fluff, angst

Messages in a bottle don’t always reach you on time.

The first time you met Seungcheol, you were busy tiptoeing to reach the top of the bookshelf.

“Almost…there.” You muttered to yourself as your fingers grazed the spine of the book you were reaching for when suddenly, another hand grabbed the book before gently taking yours and placing it on your hand.

“Here.” You looked up to thank the person who had helped you.

Dark black hair, a handsome looking face with a sharp jaw with a sharp nose and dark brown eyes along with full lips.

“Thank…Thanks.” You stuttered out. He smiled at you before glancing at the book cover. “Harry Potter?”

You beamed at him. “Its my favourite. Yours too?”

He shook his head. “Not really. But it’s okay.” Your jaw dropped.

“But how can you not it have love it? It’s so amazing and wonderful and magical and…oops I’m blabbering.” You shook your head in disbelief. The guy in front of you chuckled.

“So I take it you are a fan of the series?”

“Yes.” You said proudly. “Not just this series. Any good ones, like Percy Jackson and…wait, I’m going to blabber again.”

“No continue, I don’t mind.” He gave you a lazy smile as he leaned against the shelf. You blushed slightly.

“But what are you doing here? Aren’t you going to read?”

“Me? I’m waiting for a friend who-” There was a vibration and the guy took a phone out of pocket before checking it and sighing.

“Who stood me up.” He finished.

“Well then, stranger,” You don’t know what triggered you into doing it. “Why don’t you hang out with me instead?”

He glanced up from typing away furiously on his phone screen in surprise. “You sure? I thought you wanted to read the book which you had so much difficulty reaching.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that hidden remark about my height. But yeah, I’m sure.”

He crossed his arms. “Well then, okay. Let’s go somewhere where you can blabber on about books then. And I’m not stranger, I’m Seungcheol.”

-

“I stilł can’t believe that you ordered a butterbeer frappuccino and that the barista actually got it.” Seungcheol raised an eyebrow at you.

You shrugged. “I told you, I love Harry Potter and so does the whole universe..”

“And for the past twenty minutes, I gathered The Mortal Instruments, The Fault in Our Stars and The Hunger Games as well.”

“Well there’s more…” You gave him a coy smile. “But what about you?”

“What about me?”

“You know, things you do, like and all.”

“Well, I like sports.” He told you as he sipped his hot chocolate.

You frowned. “That’s all? What sport do you do?”

He winked at you. “Guess.”

“Basketball? Rugby? Football?” Seungcheol raised his eyebrows.

“None to do with balls.”

“Let me off easy. Or I’ll flip you with that karate move which I saw in a movie not too long ago.”

Seungcheol snorted. “Joke’s on you then. I do Taekwondo. Its been seven years.”

Your jaw dropped. “No way.”

“I did say the joke was on you.”

-

You were pretty sure you could hear Seungcheol sniffling.

Or maybe you were sniffling too much that you had been imagining him doing the same thing too.

No one could blame you honestly, being a Harry Potter addict, obviously you would cry over Dobby’s death. It was tragic.

You snuggled deeper into the cushions of the sofa of your small but comfortable apartment, which Seungcheol had barged into before declaring that since it was a Saturday night and you both had nothing to do, it was good to watch a movie.

It had been a few months since you two had met at the library and even if you had been surprised, you said nothing but went to prepare popcorn as Seungcheol made himself comfortable on the sofa.

“Honestly,” you muttered. “I believe you only came here for free popcorn.”

“Can’t blame me.” Seungcheol gave you a lazy smile as he grabbed a handful of freshly prepared ones. “Who can resist a lazy day in?”

Halfway into the movie, messed up blankets, a half finished tub of popcorn and two finished cans of soda, you turned to Seungcheol who sat beside you, rubbing your eyes.

“You’re crying.”

“Am not. You’re the one crying too loud.”

“Your voice is cracking a little. I bet you’re sniffling. You know it’s okay to cry right? Dobby’s death gets me every time. See? I’m crying too.”

He reached over to grab another handful of popcorn without turning to face you.

“I’m not sniffling, Y/N. You are the only one contributing to all that crying.”

Ah well, he asked you for a tissue two minutes later.

-

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate you Seungcheol, may a car hit you too.”

Seungcheol laughed. “I know I’m a very catchy person, Y/N, but don’t go spouting poetry in my behalf.”

“You jerk.” You hissed. “That was the last slice of red velvet cake.”

“So? You had three slices already. I figured I’d eat the last one to even things out.”

“How does you eating five and me eating three even things out?”

“Hmm.”  Seungcheol propped his fingers on his chin and pretended to think about it. “I’m taller than you. I should eat more, you eat a lot already.”

“I don’t care how much I eat. I call bullshit.”

“You can call bullshit all you want.” Seungcheol rubbed his stomach. “It’s all in here.”

You tackled him to the ground. “Tickle fight!”

Laughing, Seungcheol rushed to defend his sides as you prodded him with your fingers. “Hey!”

“This is payback. Suffer! Villian, food hoarder!” You yelled as Seungcheol grabbed your wrist to prevent you from reaching his hips again.

“Its unfair that only you tickled me.” He pouted before smirking. “Here, I’ll pay you back double time.”

You screamed as he prodded your sides twice as much without relenting.

A few minutes later, the both of you lay on the grass, panting non stop. “I can’t believe it’s autumn already.”

“Neither can I.”

Indeed, the crisp reddish orange and golden brown leaves were all around you two and you smiled to enjoy the wind that gently blew past.

“You know,” You began, “I never really asked you, but what do you want to do in the future?”

“Me?” He turned to look at you. “A singer. I want people to like my songs. You?”

You shrugged. “Get into University as a science major. Are you sure you can even sing, food hoarder?”

“I’ll sing for you someday then.”

“Sure, and I’m gonna rest while I see if I should deem the fact you can sing believeable.”

Seungcheol however, had no intention of resting.

“Come on, let’s make piles of leaves and dump each other in them.”

-

“My parents are having a small gathering for my relatives.” You told Seungcheol as you munched on a packet of chips on the park bench.

“And?” He raised an eyebrow at you as he popped the popsicle in his hand into his mouth.

“I don’t want to go. Its stuffy and boring.”

“Like you?” Seungcheol snickered. “I was joking.”

“You have no idea what my relatives are like. Harping after my results, whether I’m dating, how much I’ve grown each year or every few months.”

Seungcheol shrugged. “Good luck Y/N. I can’t save you.”

“What? You’re just gonna leave me to die?”

“Yep.”

“How could you?” You whined. “I don’t wanna go all the way to street sixty and see them. My relatives are a bunch of irritating birds.”

“That’s not even a creative insult.”

You rolled your eyes.

-

You jerk. Do you know how much I’m suffering?

You glared at your phone screen before smiling politely at one of your aunts.

“Y/N ah, how old are you already? Eighteen?” She asked you, before tittering as you nodded your head.

“Are you dating anyone?”

You swallowed the groan that threatened to escape your mouth before mumbling a no to her.

“That’s too bad. You know my daughter, your cousin Areum has so many boys who fancy her that she can’t even decide who to date.” You scoffed to yourself. Areum was barely a year older than you and your aunt was actually making her sound like she was a princess with a long line of suitors.

Really? Suffer more.

You made a few rude gestures with the available emoticons on your phone before giving your aunt a forced smile that you were pretty sure must have looked like a grimace.

She’s asking me if I have a boyfriend.

Say no.

I did already.

“You know, I could perhaps ask Areum to introduce you to some of her guy friends. I know you are still, young, but it wouldn’t hurt to date abit.”

What was she, your mother? Speaking of which, your mother was busy cooking in the kitchen while your dad was in the next room with your uncles, which meant you were alone to fight this battle.

“Uh, no thank you. I’m not interested in dating.”

You excused yourself to the bathroom before resting against the sink and sending another text through your phone.

She wants to introduce me to some guys. I’m only eighteen for god’s sake, not some unmarried twenty nine year old prude.

Does your parent’s house have anything different from your neighbours’?

You frowned.

Uh, it’s the only one with a gray and white roof. Why?

He did not reply, and when you finally emerged from the bathroom, the doorbell rang.

“Y/N ah, someone’s outside our house. He says he’s here to pick you up for the group project you have later.” Your mom called.

You didn’t have any group project. You opened your mouth to protest as you went to the gate where your she was.

“Mom, I don’t have a-”

Seungcheol stood outside, with his hands in his jean pockets and a bag slung over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I know this is abrupt and we were supposed to meet at the park near here before going to meet with the others together but the teachers moved the deadline to Monday and we need all the time we can get and edit the project, I got the message since I was the group leader.”

What was going on?

“Mom I-”

“It’s alright Y/N ah, your studies are important too and you’ve been here for three hours already.”

You turned to Seungcheol, mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish, and he winked at you. It dawned on you that there was no group project at all.

Seungcheol had just provided the exit for you to waltz through without having to deal with your aunt again.

“I’ll…I’ll just go get my things.”

Your mom went back into the house with you as you grabbed your handbag and she smiled at you.

“Y/N ah, why didn’t you tell me you had such a handsome friend?”

You shook your head as you hugged her. “I’ll go say goodbye to dad and the others. See you soon.”

-

“How the hell did you even turn up that quickly after I sent that text?”

“You said it was at street sixty.”

“Meaning you just happened to be around there?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

He shrugged. “I saved you okay. From being introduced to some guy who you never met. Least you can do is not question me and thank me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Thank you Captain Kind.”

He grinned at you. “Treat me to ice cream.”

“No.”

“You know it could be a form of payment right? For me saving your ass.”

You snorted. “I think a group leader can buy ice cream for himself.”

-

“See I knew you’d buy me ice cream in the end.” Seungcheol ran a hand through his hair as he smiled at you while eating his ice cream and you ate your own.

“I saw the benefits of buying it for myself at the same time since the store said buy one get one free.”

“I’ll just take it that you love me.”

“I love you not.”

“You don’t need to lie. It’s bad for your health.”

The two of you ate in silence, leaning against the railing outside the convenience store, watching cars zoom by before Seungcheol spoke again.

“I sent in my audition tape to a company.”

It had almost been a year since you found out that Seungcheol wanted to be a singer.

“It’s probably not going to make it though. I figured I’d just try it out.”

“You didn’t tell me before.” You said.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you by saying I was going to do it but then back out on it.”

“But you sent it in the end.”

“It might not even make it.”

“It will.”

But a part of you wondered, the ice cream in your hand forgotten, having known Seungcheol for close to two years, when it really did, what would happen?

-

“The movies.”

“The beach.”

“The movies.”

“The beach!”

“Well I said the movies first, so the movies!” Seungcheol folded his arms as he looked at you.

You narrowed your eyes. “I’m sorry, I said the beach by a second earlier. So we are going to the beach.”

Seungcheol blew a raspberry at you.

“Maybe I’ll tell Jisoo about the time you spilled honey mustard sauce on his white shirt.”

Seungcheol’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t. My brother will murder me.”

“Oh, but I would.”

“Fine.” He pouted. “But this is blackmail.”

You laughed. “Don’t be a sore loser. You just aren’t as sly as me.”

“Damn right, you Slytherin.”

-

The soft breeze that blew along the beach ruffled the tendrils of hair that had escaped from behind your ears as the both of you sat on the plastic sheet that had been laid out on the sand and bit into the sandwiches that had been brought along.

“Honestly I actually think coming to the beach was a good idea.”

You beamed. “Just look at this weather!”

“I meant the food.”

“Can you stop it with the food?”

“What? It’s bacon sandwich!”

You rolled your eyes as you drunk from your shared bottle of soda before standing up and walking towards the water.

The sea breeze was wonderful, the water was sparkling and clear, and the waves rolling in blended in with the picture as ships sailed on from afar.

“I bet it’s even more beautiful at night.”

You turned to find Seungcheol standing beside you, one hand in his pocket while the other held onto the bottle of soda.

“Really, huh? I’ve never had the chance to see it at night.” You murmured.

“Me neither. How about we see it together one day?”

You smiled softly as you looked up at him.

“Sure, why not?”

You could almost imagine it, the beautiful scenery of the beach at night, the distant lights sparkling in the horizon, the mist that would cloud things up abit, the stars twinkling in the night sky as the waves lapped against the shore…

“Oh, I think I finished the bottle of soda.”

You snapped back to reality as you narrowed your eyes at the bottle, which was indeed empty in Seungcheol’s hand.

“Choi Seungcheol…how dare you…”

He put up both hands as he fished a marker and notebook out of his pocket.

“Hey hey, I’ll show you something fun to do with the empty bottle.”

You narrowed your eyes as he scribbled something onto a piece of paper in he notebook and rolled it up before sliding it into the bottle, capping it and signing his name on the bottle and handing both the marker and the bottle to you.

“There. Sign your name too.” You narrowed your eyes, but did it anyway, signing your name beside his.

Seungcheol took back the bottle before walking to the edge of the water and gently set it floating, the both of you watching as the waves carried it out to the sea, further and further away until you both strained your eyes to see it.

“It’s a message in a bottle. You write something in it and set it out to the sea.”

“Like a wish?”

Seungcheol ran a hand through his hair. “It depends on what the sender wants.”

“Well, what did you want? What did you write?” You looked at him curiously, the fact that he had finished up the soda long forgotten.

“Me?” Seungcheol tilted his head. “Everlasting friendship.”

-

“I don’t know Seungcheol, isn’t it August ninth today?”

Seungcheol narrowed his eyes at you. “Uh uh, Y/N, bring it out. I know you got a gift for me.”

You rolled your eyes before pulling out a box from a paper bag and throwing the paper bag at him.

“The headphones you were eyeing two weeks ago. It cost me half my life so your ass better be grateful for it. And here’s a cake which I personally decorated.”

Seungcheol pulled out the headphones and grinned at you. “It’s white.”

“Yes, I got your favourite colour too.” You said as you opened the box which contained the small cake inside and set it on the small coffee table in the living room.

“Wow, you’re being so kind to me on my birthday, though your hand at icing is pretty much an eyesore.”

You muttered something under your breath before smiling sweetly.

“Let’s see you talk more about how I do my decorations when this day is over.”

“Why, are you going to make me grovel before you?” He teased as he cut a piece of cake and passed it to you on a plate.

“Maybe I should have put Happy Birthday loser instead of your name on it. You certainly seem to fit the title very well.”

Seungcheol punched you softly in the arm before picking up a small stack of envelopes and flyers near the edge of the table.

“These came in the mail today. Birthday vouchers, agency flyers….oh.”

He looked up to you, back at the stack of envelopes in his hands, at you again, and back again. You stopped with your fork halfway to your mouth.

“What?”

“A letter came. From the company I sent my audition tape to.”

A letter. From… “Well? What does it say?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know.” Ripping open the envelope, he scanned through the contents of the letter before his face broke into a wide grin.

“They accepted me. They say they want me to go down to see my skills in person before deciding what type of contract they would sign with me.”

Your eyes widened. “That’s…That’s good! Isn’t it a timely birthday present?”

Seungcheol shook his head in disbelief.

“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe it.”

You couldn’t either. But, what was it you couldn’t believe, that your best friend’s dreamed has gotten achieved, or that you might be this close to losing him?

-

“You’re treating aren’t you?” Seungcheol asked you as both of you approached the door of the restaurant, his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“Yes.” You rolled your eyes. “I’m positive you cheated on the card game.”

Seungcheol gave you a scandalized look. “Its called luck. And don’t be a sore loser.”

You muttered under your breath as you pushed the door open, a faint thinking of bells indicating both of your entrances into the tiny restaurant, which was filled with customers sitting around tables in small cushioned chairs.

The barbecue place was where the two of you had managed to accidentally find one day after stumbling around a nearby mall and being close to starving, and it had become a place where the two of you would come to eat at when it felt like it.

“Ah it’s you two.” The owner came up to your table. “Who’s paying this time?”

“Me.” You narrowed your eyes at Seungcheol who raised both eyebrows at you.

“So you lost the game this time? It sounds fair to me. Poor Seungcheol paid for the last three times.” The owner beamed at you.

“Ahjusshi! Even you are supporting him?”

“Enough talk Y/N! I’m hungry! Three servings of meat and make sure you give us your most expensive fruits today too Ahjusshi, thank you!”

-

“You never got to sing for me.” You murmured as you hugged Seungcheol tightly at the airport.

Seungcheol ruffled your hair. “I’ll sing for you in the future. I’ll even write a song specially for you.”

“Call me?” He laughed.

“Yes mam.”

The company had accepted him but he had had to fly over to Seoul, where the company was officially sited to begin his training life there, and was set to debut as a solo artist in a year or so.

“Time will fly fast. I’ll soon be a famous singer with a bookworm for a best friend.”

“Well, make sure you visit your best friend even before you become famous.”

“Yes mam. So I’ll have to sing for you, write a song for you and visit you. Everything inside has a you in it. Happy?”

-

Seungcheol did call you and text you daily for the first few months.

“Hey Y/N. You wouldn’t believe what happened at dance practice today.”  You smiled at his voice over the phone.

“What? You landed on your ass?”

-

“They had a small Harry Potter both set up outside the company yesterday! You would have loved it. Everything was so cheap and nice!”

“You better have gotten one for me Seungcheol.”

“I didn’t. Kidding.”

-

“I ate Bibimbap yesterday. Did you eat kimchi again?”

“Yes Y/N. Kimchi in that restaurant near the dorms is quite delicious.”

“You really should have some good meat you know. The owner of the barbecue shop we used to go to misses us.”

-

Yet it soon reduced to short calls or texts which told you good morning or goodnight, and the last time you heard from him, it was the day before his debut.

“It’s tomorrow isn’t it?” You murmured into the phone.

“Yeah it is. I’m so nervous. What if people don’t like the song I wrote?”

“It’s going to be fine Seungcheol. I’m sure you did a great job with it. I listened to it, remember? I loved it.”

Seungcheol chuckled nervously on the other end of the line. “You did?”

“Obviously. It’s you who wrote it. Of course you are going to do great tomorrow.”

Of course he did great.

You saw him on TV and you couldn’t stop smiling even after because boy did he look great and he bombed his performance.

Which led to his popularity almost rising instantly.

“Yah! How could you hardly contact me since your debut.” Seungcheol looked at you sheepishly through his side of the video call which he had managed to squeeze into his time.

“Sorry Y/N. Things are so hectic here.” You rolled your eyes.

“I know, you know you did so well for your debut. I’m not surprised.”

“You know I got that song written for you right? Just that the company’s shelving it for another concept.”

“I can’t wait to hear it.”

Variety shows, encore stages, a few advertisements and so much more, Seungcheol hardly had time to contact you due to his busy schedule, and between the short texts of good morning and good night, it soon dwindled to nothing at all.

You minded of course, but you’d keep a smile on your face as you texted him, because he was living his dream as a successful singer.

So successful that everywhere you went, you could hear people talk about him.

“You know Choi Seungcheol’s album? My parents got me the special edition for my birthday.”

“Really? You are so lucky! I wish mine were this nice too.”

You leaned against the bookshelf of the stationary store, smiling sadly as the pair of school girls walked past you.

He’d come back to visit soon after promoting, right?

-

A year passed and Seungcheol produced many songs, each better than the last. Yet, having hardly contacted Seungcheol much, you didn’t know whether one of them was the song he had written for you.

It could have been the one titled Adore you, or maybe Shining Diamond? You didn’t know.

It was rather hard to tell between a few hi’s, byes, small jokes via text and everything else, since you had also gotten into a university and all your studies were catching up on you as well.

Well before things did get too busy for even you to take, you decided, as you popped open your soda bottle at the beach, you’d keep track of the past year and maybe leave it to fate to decide what to do with the record.

Seungcheol wasn’t the only one capable of making records after all.

Taking out a notepad and a pen, you began writing.

-

Both of you were so busy with different types of schedules between part time working, studying and singing and that as you were passing by the gate of the university to wait beside the traffic light, your eyes popped open in shock when you saw a text from Seungcheol.

I’ll be coming back the day after tomorrow Y/N. I’m sneaking back since I’m on a small break from my last comeback. One year apart with just texts and rare video calls is killing me.

I remember my promise to sing something for you. I wrote a song for my next album you already you know? Its for you. I remember my promise.

You remembered smiling and texting him a paragraph as the light turned green and you stepped out onto the road before-

A screech, flying in the air, screaming, blackness.

And then nothing.

-

He stood on the sand, near the waves, a bottle with your name signed on top of it and a piece of paper unfolded in his hand.

Hey stranger Should I really be calling you stranger? I don’t know really. But its what I said the first time we met. But do you know the meaning of a message in a bottle? Of course you did, if you were the one who taught me about it in the first place.  It was a form of communication for distress messages, invitations to prospective pen pals, letters to actual or imaginary love interests. I’m communicating with you alright, but it’s definitely not a distress message because I’m happy where I am, waiting for you to come back.

Where to start? Maybe how we first met. Who would have thought that the bookworm who was trying to reach the top of the bookshelf at the library would become friends with someone who got stood up by another friend at the library? Or that we’d become so comfortable with each other and be fast friends? Or that we’d tease each other so much and even be able to play along and act with each other? I don’t know really. If fate brought this pair of friends together, then fate shall make sure this bottle finds the other half of the pair one day.

The past year’s been rather lonely without you, you idiot. Having the television and earpieces with your music and performances does not count. Do you still have an obsession with food? You’ve written so many songs that I don’t even know if there’s one which I can’t identify on the spot. You’ve achieved your dream as a singer, you know? People listen to your songs and love your albums here, definitely in other parts of the country and world too. I guess I’m lucky to have such a talented best friend.

University’s busy too. Lectures, projects, slides and trying to hound the professor with questions after lectures are exhausting as well. But it keeps me busy and from thinking and worrying too much about you all the time.

I’ll wait for you to come back and keep your promise? We haven’t spent a night at this beach yet. You owe me a lot of promises so I’ll take this beach as sacred ground when I keep this message in a bottle and send it out to sea.

Love,

Y/N

Fate indeed.

Cruel, if it had caused you to die in a car crash two days before he sneaked back and heard the news.

Beautiful but even more cruel if it had prompted him to come to this beach to mourn silently.

Extremely cruel and sad if the bottle had just floated to his feet while he looked aimlessly out to the horizon as the sea breeze blew.

And maybe the most cruel of all if the last if everything you had told him was about promises.

Because the last text you sent had been

Choi Seungcheol you have more than just one promise to keep.

-

Three months later, a figure dressed in a hoodie stood on the same beach with a plastic jar in hand, under the night with stars spread across the dark sky.

Pressing the play button if the cassette player, the same figure placed it in the jar along with a small letter, before closing the lid and setting it out to sea.

Hey Y/N,

Here’s to the night on the beach which we couldn’t see together.

And here’s to another promise I couldn’t keep,

From the idiot of a best friend who couldn’t keep his promise.

Now playing

Choi Seungcheol’s album

Record 01

Don’t Wanna Cry

~Admin Waffle

[arsnovac12]

Blog Post 1

I go on runs from time to time when I’m back in Burbank, I enjoy keeping active, but it’s mostly an excuse to get out of the house. When I come home on holiday, I become confined to my parents house without any means of viable transportation. I have my drivers license, sure, but no car. My parents can’t afford to buy me one, and I can’t afford to get one myself. In fact, even if I could afford a car, I certainly couldn’t afford the insurance to go with it. Anyway, all this is to say I go on runs so I don’t feel too confined to my house.

That’s not very interesting, is it? Some things just tend to be that way. The life of a poor twenty-one year old white kid is never all that interesting in the first place. My life, my story, whatever it is, is not irregular. In fact, it’s one most people in America know very well, because it gets championed whenever one of us poor white kids gets rich and famous. Surprise, surprise, it happens pretty frequently.

So why write about it? I don’t know. Does it really matter if no one sees it in the first place? Maybe not. I guess I backed myself into a corner. If you’re reading this (if anyone is reading this) you’re probably expecting me to dive further in. Ultimately, you might say, there’s no point in agonizing over whether or not you’re going to talk about your life, because you already started writing a blog post about it, and it has to go somewhere. It does, doesn’t it? So why start with a lengthy preamble full of rhetorical questions? Besides being a clear literary crutch I’m struggling with, I think I feel indebted to having a conversation or dialogue about these things, as if to hide from some private guilt I have in telling any personal story. Writing has clearly become some sort of therapy to me, where I play both doctor and patient. The results are always inconclusive.

Anyway I should get back to the bullshit lede about running. Look, I like running, and it’s when my head is its most clear, so forgive me for using it as a starting point. Most of my ideas come to me when I run, so it was only fitting that it become the brief anecdote that starts a blog post that holds the kernel of what I’m going for. Which, now that I’m thinking about it, I didn’t really get to. Look at me, whining before I even finished my “insignificant thing is contorted into something profound” anecdote. Okay, I’ll finish the story:

I like to go on runs. I feel trapped at my house, and I like to get out. Anyway, whenever I run, I take the same path. It leads away from my house towards the park in the hills where people would take their prom photos back in high school. The path mostly runs parallel to the major streets and hits several large intersections on its way. In all, the run from the house to the park and back is about five miles. Yesterday, I reached the park and stopped for some water. This wasn’t irregular or anything, but I took my time and drank more that I usually would. Then, something compelled me to keep running. The hills in Burbank are filled with expensive homes, and near the top of the street, sort of tucked away, there’s a pretty large mansion that’s almost gothic in its design. Anyway, I guess it was my curiosity that drove me to keep going. To get a look at that mansion, and the others around it.

So, I kept running for another half mile or so to see this mansion. On the way up, the houses got larger and more impressive looking, and I was filled with a mounting sense of dread. Eventually I reached the cul-de-sac with the house on its end. Naturally the street, called Viewcrest if you can believe it, was the most decadent one yet. Their driveways were filled with expensive cars I don’t know the names of, carefully manicured lawns, and about ten security cameras lining every porch. I got closer to the end of the street where the imposing mansion was, but it was tucked away from the front and hardly visible. I didn’t get much closer than fifty or sixty feet. The drive way had a large black Hummer sitting in it; another, more psychological warning sign for someone like me to keep away.

I left pretty quickly after I got there. No one was out, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of being unwelcome. Before I turned the corner and left the street completely, I had the strange desire for someone to come out of their house and scold me for even coming there. In this fantasy, would I stand my ground, or run away as is fitting for my station? My brain firing it’s typically small amount of synapses couldn’t quite make it that far. Instead, I was caught up in the swell of what righteous injustice such a thing should muster.

This story isn’t very interesting, I know. Nothing really happens in it and there isn’t much imagery to it, but it caught me off guard as I thought about it again today. I had the idea to write about the experience soon after it happened while I was still running, but I, ever the proactive one, put it off. In sitting down with it today, I realize how full of shit I am.

Before I go on, I’ll give a little more context for my life. As mentioned briefly before, I’m a poor white kid. My parents are loving if occasionally abusive, or maybe abusive if occasionally loving. We live in my (deceased) grandmothers house and can’t afford any necessary repairs on it to make the place livable. My dad lost his job about a year and a half ago that was going to take him to retirement, now he works at target. My mother is a hoarder, not to the extreme you may have seen on television, but certainly well beyond what the general society might deem as healthy. She works just enough hours at the Disney Corporation’s day care so that they don’t have to give her full time benefits.

Two of my adult brothers still live at home, crowding the house further. They could, should they allot their funds correctly, afford to have their own place, but my parents discourage that sort of thing. Coming from lower middle class families, both of them have really only known economic uncertainty their whole lives. To have their children live lives separated from themselves means certain uncertainty. Plus, when you don’t have the kids at home, there’s no one left to accuse of being a burden.

I, more than any of my brothers, struggled against my parents to have a normal life. For a while I was pretty damaged; my parents fundamental conservatism really did a number on me. I was a hateful kid, saying cruel things to people that didn’t deserve it. When I got to high school, it took a little while, but I became a better person. Still prone to bouts of selfishness, I began to try a little harder for things. I quit running competitively in high school to join the theater, much to my parents chagrin, and also started dating. Naturally my parents tried putting a stop to both.

By the time I finished high school, I had cut ties with most everyone that knew me there. By its end, I had partially realized that I hadn’t progressed all that much as a person and was still rather selfish. My assumptions that people did not like me were eventually proven correct when I had finally done something that had made me worth disliking. I receded further into myself, even more aware of my deepest flaws.

Eventually I made it to college where I became more depressed than I had ever been before. Towards the end of the semester, my mom ordered me to call after weeks of ignoring her. During that phone call, I told her that I wanted to kill myself. Horrified, she said that they could afford to send me to therapy, I said no, it would be too much of a hassle and it would get to be too expensive. She was relieved and thus the matter was settled and never spoken of again.

So today, I sit in my crowded bedroom in my decaying house (yes, there are rats now) and try and write a story, a true story, about how running in the rich part of town made me sad. So often I am desperately seeking a new lede, some way to ease into the story of my life, so I come up with the flimsiest ones imaginable as opposed to just starting from the beginning. I’m no one I tell myself, so why bother in the first place? No one will read it anyway. But so often, I’m met with the same dull idea that I have a story worth telling. The cynic in me is so embarrassed to want to explain away my life that it has to invent a dialogue with no one to justify wanting to tell an over told story. The poet in me wants to make something beautiful out of my life, and will find any excuse to do so in the most meaningless of events. The realist is here with you trying to make sense of these two voices.

I am obsessed with artifice. Look anywhere in my life and you’ll see it. I’m a theater performance major. I sit at home alone and watch movies that very few people like to gage some sensationalist position on. I go running by major streets hoping that someone, anyone from my past will see me and say hello. I run to the park I took my prom pictures at for the hope that some ounce of high school happiness will be absorbed back into myself, so that I can pretend I didn’t lose all my friends from those years by being selfish. I run further into the hills because deep down I know it might lead to something worth writing about. Only to now finally realize there wasn’t much of a story there to begin with. There, or anywhere.

Self pitying is probably what most people would call this. I’ll probably call it that too. Maybe it’s a cry for help. Maybe. Or maybe it’s a desperate plea for attention from an empty audience, because the author thinks that’s most poetic of all.