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wordynerdygurl · 4 years

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Seven Minutes in Heaven

Author’s Note: Well hello my friends! Since hitting 1000 Followers in July (WHAT?! STILL UNBELIEVABLE!!!) I’ve been working on the requests sent in by my amazing troop of readers! This is another one of those stories which I’m pleased to share. As always, help my unending need for validation but re-blogging or liking the story! Also, you can send asks, make your own request, follow me, or be added to my tag-list! Last, @sammy-jo1977 is my beta... and my ride or die home girl! Thanks lady! Pairing: Loki x Female Reader, appearances from most of the Avengers

Summary/ Request: @queenofmischief asked for a story where “Loki and you guys are friends growing up and you realize you like him and try to hide it but somehow at a party or something or another, maybe Seven Minutes in Heaven is involved, it comes out and really hot smut ensues?”

I used some of the ideas you gave me, dear reader, but made it a little more mature, so I sincerely hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Lots of 80′s references... music, movies, clothes, etc. References of smut, heavy petting and kissing

ENJOY!

"But, like, I really don't want to go." Your cellphone, pinned between your ear and shoulder, pushed your earring into the tender flesh behind your lobe. It probably didn't help that the jewelry in question was a pair of huge hoops, fluorescent in color and hard plastic.

You heard Wanda sigh, "Yea… I know. It's just, we all are… and you know it'll be worse if you don't show up."

"I really hate it." Using a sing-song voice didn't change the feelings behind your words. Going up to the main floor of The Avengers Tower for a theme party was not a thrilling idea.

"I know you do-", pulling open the door between your room and hers, you palmed your phone, frowning at your friend, "-But you look great!"

"Radical… or wicked… or tubular would be more 80's appropriate." Still, her compliment made you smile. It really was a great outfit, totally encapsulating the MTV generation's vibe, complete with hot lime colored leg warmers.

Your cropped REO Speedwagon t-shirt was cut off at the neck, dripping low enough to expose one whole shoulder, and a wide stripe of the magenta colored tank top underneath. Having tucked the camisole into your acid washed denim micro miniskirt, you finished the ensemble with a pair of black pumps, and the obligatory scrunchie of cheap yellow satin. It pulled your hair into a low, side ponytail.

For makeup you'd painted your eye-shadow on, bright turquoise with pink under your brows. Lipstick in a shimmery rosy hue brought extra attention to your lips. And you stored your cell phone, lip gloss and keys in your iridescent fanny pack.

Wanda couldn't help giggling at the sight of you and your collection of clashing colors. For her look tonight she'd dawned a pair of skin tight leggings, an over-sized button down shirt with a stretchy black belt that was about four inches wide. Ballet flats, teased out hair and stark makeup had Wanda looking like a video vixen. It was impressive.

"See, you went sexy… and I went silly." Pouting now, you flopped onto your bed, "Can I just not?"

Sitting down next to you, patting your knee, "You don’t look silly, but you do look like you could be a hair band groupie! That’s sexy!” Shrugging your shoulders, unconvinced, Wanda added, “Besides, tonight… It may be fun. And, worse case? You get blitzed like a teenager on prom night."

"No… that's not the worst case. Worst case? He's there."

Sighing, Wanda shook her head, "He does still rub you the wrong way, huh? And, yes, he may be there… but-" standing, taking you with her, "-it would be a shame to waste all your wicked cool work!"

Hearing her use the dated vernacular made you grin. She was right. Tonight could be a blast, if you were able to get out of your head. Jumping off the bed, unsettling one of those fashionable leg warmers, you hugged your friend tightly. You could do this. You wouldn't be alone. And if Loki was there, he'd just have to get over it. You weren't going to pay him any attention.

---

"Mr. Loki… can we please go? We're already stupid late."

Bending to straighten his red suspenders, Loki smirked at himself, "Greed is good."

Sighing, exasperated and edging into anger, Peter pulled open the front door, "I don't know what that means, but you look… greasy."

"Like I could steal your company in a corporate take over? Maybe steal your woman too", Loki questioned, excited at the idea.

Crossing his arms over the red puffy vest he had bought specifically for tonight, Peter grunted, "Uh… I… I guess. I meant more like one of the assholes in Wolf of Wall Street."

God, you had better be there tonight. Loki was putting a lot of hope on Stark’s little shindig and he wanted to make sure that all of the little details were absolutely perfect, giving him every advantage. Standing now, slicking back his long dark hair, "That, my young spider friend, is exactly what I am going for… Evil 80′s CEO."

"Great."

Loki heard the frustration in the young man’s voice. Someday he would understand, Loki thought, turning to the youthful Avenger beside him, "You certainly make a dashing Marty McFly, Peter. Truly."

"Aw! Really, Mr. Loki? Ya mean it?" That made the Spider Boy preen, popping his collar, and standing a little straighter.

"I do! Now-" flashing a rakish smile to his reflection as he passed, "-let's get upstairs and see how everyone else is doing!"

---

Everyone else was ready to party. The last mission, a particularly difficult one, involved Hydra agents banging it out against our heroes along the rough terrain of the polar ice cap. Draining the physical and emotional resources of everyone, including you and Loki, Tony had planned a little party to kick off a period of rest and relaxation.

As soon as the elevator opened you knew it was going to be an insane night. Everything was brightly lit. Paper streamers were strung up haphazardly along the walls and ceiling. Big plastic buckets of chips and cheese curls were put out on the counter along with a huge punch bowl that reeked of rum and sugary fruit juice. On the floor in the kitchenette was a garbage can, freezing, full of ice, only the keg tap visible. A stack of red plastic cups was at the ready.

Someone had ordered pizza. Well, dozens of pizzas. The boxes were piled along the table already crammed with pretzel bags and Doritos.

Steve was being instructed on the basics of Beer Pong and, you decided, definitely being hustled by Sam. Bucky looked on with curiosity, quietly sneaking closer to the chips and dip, hoping no one would notice. Rhodey was watching them both through the reflective lenses of his aviator shades, doing a great job of looking like a Top Gun cadet, including the tight jeans and broken-in bomber jacket. Grinning as he drank down a bottle of beer, Rhodes shouted, "Hey Stank! Is all of this really necessary?"

"Don't come for me Rhodey!" Wearing a pair of neon leopard spotted knit pants, a green polo shirt and white sneakers, Tony was clutching a glass bowl filled with little slips of paper to his chest. No one had managed to figure out what they were or why he held them. Drinking two beers from his plastic, can holding helmet, Tony would answer only with a slightly slurred, "It's my trashy 80′s party and I do what I want!"

And Tony had thought of everything. Sounding like a mixed tape pulled from the radio, the tunes didn't let up! Ratt, Foreigner, Cindi Lauper, Madonna and Tom Petty all took turns blasting through the room. So many hits from the past pumped through the sound system, getting people on their feet and keeping them there. You were swinging and swaying along, having a blast, but when Bon Jovi hit the group of Intergalactic Warriors went wild.

Clint, rocking a mullet wig and a vest with no shirt, jumped onto a table making the motions of an air guitar champion. Singing into a beer bottle like it was his microphone, "Whoooooaaaa we're halfway there…"

Guffawing, you hid behind your Bud Light filled cup, already red cheeked from the non-stop laughing and alcohol in your system. At some point you had given up Wanda to Vision in a varsity jacket, doing his best jerk-off jock impression, and not quite pulling it off. It wasn't his fault that he was too polite to put people down in the way of Eighties movie bad guys. Alone, feeling flushed, but happy, you needed a break and some quiet. Flinging yourself onto the soft sofa, watching the frat house style antics unfold all around, you couldn’t help laughing. Tony always found a way to knock the group out of their post mission funk. Sometimes that meant week long Caribbean vacations and sometimes that meant dressing up in retro attire and scream singing with a cold beer in your hands. Either way, it seemed to bring everyone closer together, and the pictures were certainly worth framing. The couch dipped as someone joined you. Swiveling, not quite drunk but not quite sober, you couldn’t help the groan that left you. “Oh. It’s you.”

Not exactly the response Loki wanted, he was just grateful that you spoke to him at all. Lately you seemed to flee any room he entered, a hurt and heavy sigh escaping you before you'd make your exit, never looking back. Loki couldn't understand why.

After all, it had been two months since that night. The one where he'd stumbled on you, glowing blue in the light of the television set, alone and in the darkness. You asked him to join you, he had accepted.

The movie was called "Say Anything" and Loki had to admit, as far as romance on film went, this story was very moving. But that was an unexpected bonus to being so near to you. Before the credits rolled, you had burrowed against him, snuggled under his arm with your head on his chest.

Stroking your hair, Loki pressed a kiss to your forehead, thoughtlessly, naturally. Pushing away, looking up at him through hooded lashes, "You… you kissed me?"

Words failed the silver tongued devil, something he still pondered all these weeks later, so a nod was all you got for a response. Kneeling, your sleep shirt riding over your thighs, Loki watched your small hand rising to cup his cheek. Feeling your lips against his own was the beginning of the best night of his life.

And then, nothing. It was like a switch had been thrown and no matter how many ways he tried to reach out for you, Loki wasn't able to connect. Not like that night.

So, he was going against his nature tonight. Joining the group, drinking a bit of his brother's mead, wearing a dated but pristine business suit. All done in the vain hope that something would shift in his favor.

He had already lost too many nights to memories of you. Soft, full skin under his broad palms. The tiny moan you exhaled when Loki’s tongue met your own. How your wet, willing body accepted him, without question or stipulation. And in the afterglow, when your head rested in the crook of his neck and your cherry cola scented breath circled him, you let Loki hold you close.

But he buried it all. Tonight he was the embodiment of all things slick. Nothing could stick to him; not when he had a goal in mind and this much gel in his hair. Loki Odinson would be taking you home tonight, come hell or high water. Wolfish, Loki’s grin was wicked, “Yes. Your dream has come true.” Sitting back, he crossed his designer suit covered knee at the ankle, exposing socks with little golfers on them. He let his right arm rest along the back of the sofa, not around you… not yet, but inching closer. “What is that cologne you’re wearing?” “Don’t you like it? I’m told Drakkar Noir was quite the scent of the 80′s. I did my research.” Twisting, you looked him over, impressed despite yourself. The suit was totally of its time. Black, pinstriped and you were sure the jacket that came with it was draped somewhere safe. His shirt was shiny but soft and bright, blinding white. Suspenders of red matched the tie that draped down the center of his chest. With his hair combed straight back and held in place with some kind of product, Loki looked like he was capable of eating a six course lunch at Sardi’s, complete with dirty martinis, then jetting back to the office in time to defraud a corporate spending account. The kind of executive that blackmails a co-worker with pictures of a mistress. The kind of douche bag that tries to take over a rec center to build a mall. In short, an avarice little asshole. So, why was it so hot? “It’s… overpowering.”, boy, was that an understatement. Loki’s whole aesthetic was overpowering right now. And, was he moving closer? His bent knee brushed against your own as he leaned near enough to be heard at a whisper, “You look adorable, you know that?” Scrunching into the corner of the couch, eyeing him suspiciously, “Oh? Really?” “Really.”, his hand brushed over your exposed shoulder, making you jump at his touch.

Uh uh. No way. You would not be so easy to seduce this time around. Even if those wide hands sent goosebumps growing all over your body, Loki would not charm his way into your panties again. Not like last time.

It had been spontaneous. Genuine, at least for you. And in the moment, it felt like Loki had given you a little piece of himself, a tenderness that no one else ever saw in the far flung Frost Giant.

Maybe that's why Clint's words hurt so much. He had told you so casually, holding up a spoonful of Cheerios, "Loki said his last girl was a drag. Basic bitch? Is that what the kids say?"

Thinking about it now made your heart hurt. You had given yourself to someone who thought you were beneath him. Loki couldn't want you. You would never be good enough.

But that night haunted you. His soulful kisses that stole your breath. The drag of Loki’s hands over the swell of your bottom as you straddled his hips. His solid chest under your own hands, dark head curved against the couch cushion, but those burning eyes never leaving your face. “I thought you said I was plain. Simple. Boring.”

Leveling his own words back at him made Loki straighten in his seat. How could you think that? Unbalanced, stammering, “Uh… I… I’d never…” “Never expected me to find out? I believe that. And, let me tell you this-” Pushing yourself up with the help of the couch’s arm, you rose on unsteady legs, “-I’m not nearly drunk enough to fall into your arms again.” Spinning away, you made a dash towards the people in the kitchen, without looking back. Watching you go, Loki could do nothing but stare after your retreating form, flummoxed.

“That was… painful.”

He knew that voice well enough, frustrated, confused and unfit for company, “Go away, Tony.”

“I don’t think I will. In fact-” sitting down in your empty spot, patting Loki’s knee, “-I’m going to make myself comfortable. Now, tell Uncle Tony all about it.”

Rolling his eyes, unable to find you in the crowd, Loki risked a sideways glance at his replacement companion. Was he really going to indulge in this? Tell his almost friend about you… about your one night together? Loki raked his hands through the pomade in his hair, growling low, “If you breathe a word of it Tony, I’ll-” Lowering his wrap around sunglasses, peering at Loki, Tony smiled, “Your secret is safe with me.” ---

Thinking less and less about Loki as the night went on should have been a relief but it seemed like the scent of him followed you everywhere. Unable to get free of him, you busied yourself with drinks, dancing, and munching like you were a kid again. Anything to keep your mind from wandering.

It's not like the party was boring. Not at all! There was plenty to distract you and you let it. Natasha made you her partner for beer pong and somehow you successfully won against Rhodey and Sam.

Next, Wanda needed you, which is how you wound up sitting on the bathroom sink listening to her go on about Vision in that wistful, loving way that made your own heart ache. Being a little drunk, you had to fight the urge to cry because you were lonely and hurting. “I saw you talking to Loki… what was that about?” She was reapplying ruby red lipstick, studying herself in the mirror, not looking directly at you.

Wanda's voice cut through your self doubt spiral though, something you were thankful for, and with a casual tone you countered, “He was trying to get something started, I think.” Eyebrows lifting, Wanda’s interested piqued, “Really? Loki was hitting on you?” “Yea… I mean, I think so. Was coming on awfully strong too. But… he’s been a jerk, right?”

Wanda cleaned up her eye make-up taking a minute, after washing her hands she looked at you, “I mean, he is here.” “So?” “So, you know he’s not really a joiner. More of a lone wolf. In fact, I think this may be the first of these little parties he’s come to. Maybe he’s changed… grown a bit? And, honestly, you never asked him about-”

Hopping off the counter, cutting her off, more than a little huffy at her good sense, “No, I didn’t and I don’t plan to. Loki thinks I’m a bore? Too basic for him? Fine. I have better things to do with my time.” Laying her hand on your shoulder, Wanda stopped you, eyeing you in the mirror once more, “I know his words hurt… but you’re going to have to clear the air eventually. Especially if we’re all going to work together.”

Shrugging, you offered your friend a small smile. There was truth in her sentiment, even if your slightly drunken brain rebelled against hearing it, “Yea, you're right… plus-” looking around the small washroom, just to make sure no one could hear the pair of you, “- he looks really hot tonight!”

Giggling, Wanda hugged you close, “I didn’t want to say anything, but… yea he does!” The pair of you were still laughing together, standing at the back of the crowd as Tony turned down the music, announcing, “Gather round children, Uncle Tony needs your attention!” There were a few groans, mostly from the beer pong table, as apparently Bucky was unhappy about forfeiting his winning match. Everyone else, in all their high haired glory, were congregating near their host, curious and more than a little drunk.

“Tony, what the hell, man? You killed the tunes!”, Clint shouted, spilling Bud Light foam as he joined the tightening circle. “Patience, my drunk friend. You all remember this?” From the table nearby, Tony picked up his glass bowl, triumphant, “Our Destiny!”

Pepper, sighing with a smile, “So dramatic!” Shaking the bowl in her direction Tony smirked, “Ok smarty, then you pick first. Go on… Pick!” There were oohs and ahhs from the assembled Avengers. Rolling her eyes, Pepper reached in, grabbing the first slip her fingers found. Pulling it free, she grinned, eyeing Tony, “It says ‘Loki’...” Hearing his name, Loki snapped his head up, surprise registering on his face, “Excuse me?” Holding it up for his examination, Pepper waved the slip under the regal nose of the junior Odinson, “See… your name.” “Yes, but why?”

Butting in, Tony snatched the scrap from the hand of his lovely fiance, practically dancing with glee. Turning to Loki, “Now you, Gordon Gecko, pull a slip.” Aware of all eyes locked on him, Loki reached into the jar, digging around a little more than necessary. Finally satisfied, the thin paper pinched between his fingers, Loki opened the folded note. When his fierce gaze met yours, you knew without a doubt. It was your name he had grabbed. Throwing a thick arm across Loki’s broad shoulders, Tony hugged him close, “Well? What’s it say?” It all made sense in that moment. The tacky costumes, flat beer and endless music. A drunken moment of clarity had descended. Tony, waving his arms, eating up the crowd’s reactions, heads turning to gauge your response. Swallowing hard, your hearing failing you, you just faked a smile. You and Loki were going into the closet for Seven Minutes in Heaven. Only there was no way you were going to do that. Not after what he’d said. Not after your one night together, right? But you felt a gentle hand pushing your forward, into the center of your circle of friends and for some reason, your feet followed.

Refusing didn't enter your mind. With everyone ogling you and Loki, making a scene would only cause more speculation, something you weren't keen to do. Instead, you stepped next to Tony, outwardly eager to play along.

You just shouldn't have dared to look at your proposed make out partner. Laser focused, Loki’s lusty look hadn’t wavered. No, the light in those thundering blue eyes was carnal, darker than you had ever seen, matching your own. Against your better judgement, you wanted Loki, too.

Whatever Tony was saying was a blur, merely sounds, because you were utterly stunned by the nearness of Loki. The roaring laughs of the rest of the group were drowned out by your pounding heart. A door opened to a dim room, the pantry maybe? You didn’t know and in that moment you didn’t really care.

With a small smile, Loki ducked into the cupboard, lacing his fingers with yours, offering a bit of his strength. Dragging you inside, your body pinned between a shelf of snacks and the hard body of your frenemy, a whimper of want passed your lips. Loki still smelled so good and now he was so close. “Have fun you two!”, Tony’s words were accompanied by the door shutting you and Loki inside, in the dark. Surrounded by silence, Loki’s sharp pants were the only sound louder than your racing pulse, which was saying something. Afraid to move, afraid of spooking you, Loki struggled to search your stare in the low light. He had already experienced your angry dismissal of his attention tonight. It wasn't something he wanted to relive, not when you were so close with sweet and speedy breath, your chest brushing against his own at each exhale.

Lifting a hand, grazing over your uncovered shoulder, Loki's touch was electric. You moved towards it, towards him, needing more of his energy. Craving it.

Bold in the dark, you grabbed at Loki’s suspenders, tugging him closer. Rising on your toes, covering some of the distance between your mouth and his, you pressed a hot kiss to those soft, pink lips. Under your fluttering fingers Loki shivered, "Darling-"

"Shut up. I… I don't care."

"But I never…"

"I told you. I don't care. Now kiss me like you mean it, because we only have about six more minutes!"

Not needing any more encouragement, Loki found the flare of your hips in the shadows, molding your curves to the rigid planes of his body. Desperate, needy, you felt his tongue move against your own. Want, plain and simple, led your own fingers to the collar of Loki’s starched shirt and the tangle of his raven hair. Fisting it, tugging against those luscious locks, you couldn’t seem to get close enough to the tall God sharing your cupboard. Whining, his name on your lips, you drew Loki tight enough that the press of your breasts was edging towards pain. Demanding, true to your word, with every pass of Loki’s magical mouth over your own the last few weeks were forgotten. Hungry for more, Loki roughly squeezed the flesh of your ass, grinding you against his wool blend covered crotch. Stuttering, his arousal was so stiff, for a minute Loki worried about making a mess. But that feeling was replaced with unbridled ecstasy when your lips found the tender skin below his ear.

A nip, enough to make Loki hiss, was soon soothed by your sucking on the same spot. Resting your butt on the nearest shelf, you didn’t have to stand on tip-toe to reach the soft, sweet sections of Loki where you longed to lavish attention. He took advantage of your new position by sliding a free hand along the swell of your separated thighs. “I just need to feel you, dove. I need to know that you want me as much as I want you.” It was a husky whisper, directly into your ear, and it sent an arc of icy fire to your core. When his long fingers skimmed over the silky slick of your panties you moaned in unison, bucking into Loki’s touch, lost in the moment. Stepping between your legs, Loki took one of your hands into each of his own, pinning you wide open against the boxes of cereal and granola bars that lined the pantry walls. Devouring you slowly, Loki kissed along the column of muscles at your throat, across the exposed line of your clavicle. You could do little more than take his delicious torment as more and more of your sweat dappled skin was serviced by his silver tongue. “Yes… Loki…”, tumbling out of you, just like the night when you first came together, you crooned his name in delight. Breathless, boneless and broken with need. CLICK! The sound made you both freeze. Snapping swiftly, Loki’s head swung towards the door where the bright light and noisy crowd of the party was intruding into your private pantry. “WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! What do we have here?” Swinging into the tight space, Tony’s shrewd look took in the scene in seconds, “What were you two doing in here? It was a very quiet seven minutes!” Straightening to standing, Loki stood, blocking you from sight as you readjusted your clothes. Smoothing down his tangled strands, sarcasm dripping, “Talking. Very quietly.” When he was sure you were decent, Loki offered you his hand, and blinking you stepped back into the wild and raucous party still in full swing. Tony, flashing a knowing grin your way, nodded, “I hope you didn’t smush the chips! We still need those!” Giggling, you locked onto Loki’s arm, letting him lead you towards the keg and away from the shouted questions of your friends. You knew there was no mystery about what happened in those seven minutes. Hair mused, makeup smudged, lips swollen and shirts twisted, the pair of you were walking neon signs for getting to third base.

Silently Loki poured you a beer, taking a small glass of Asgardian mead for himself, before raising his glass your way. Returning his gesture, you downed the frothy ale fast, feeling a little parched after your spit swapping time in the hall closet. Boring into you, his eyes followed each of your movements, searching for a sign of your feelings. Dropping your empty cup on the counter, you turned and jumped onto the marble ledge, feet dangling. “Loki?” Placing his own glass down gently, Loki took his position between your bent knees, looking down at your darling face, “Yes?” “Did you say those things? That I was… boring? Basic?” Shaking his dark waves no, Loki bit into his bottom lip, “Never. What I said was, my last girl, ages ago, was those things… but my new lady-” tracing along your jaw, tipping your chin his way, “-she is everything I could ever want.”

“Am I… am I your new lady, then?” With a fierce flicker of fire in his eyes, Loki nodded yes this time, “Absolutely.” Leaning into him, arms around his neck, you tugged him down to meet your waiting lips. “Good. Good to know. Because I think I’m going to watch a movie tonight.” “Really? I recall really enjoying the last one.” “Hmm… me too.” Sliding off the counter, ducking under Loki’s long arms, you turned back to face him, “My room… say, an hour?”

Snapping his suspenders, smirking, “I’ll be there.” Watching you skip away made Loki’s pulse pound in anticipation. Pouring himself another glass of clear liquor, he chuckled, amazed at the change seven minutes had created.

“You’re welcome.” “Ah! Yes, many thanks Tony.”

Leaning against the counter, Tony knocked into Loki’s shoulder, “You’re cute together, Rock of Ages, but don’t make me regret helping you tonight! Treat her right.”

“Of course. I... truly, thank you.”, sincerity seeped from Loki at the favor from Tony. “No worries! No worries!” Waving away any additional gratitude, Tony looked over the group of half cocked, and totally cocked heroes before him, “Of course the real bitch was getting Pepper to pull your name from the bowl…”

My Marvelous Minxes tag-list: @queenofmischief @vodka-and-some-sass @just-random-obsessions @brokenthelovely @lots-of-loki @thefallenbibliophilequote @iamverity @iluvsumbucky @unadulteratedwizardlove @wolfsmom1 @procrastinatinglikeabitch @mizfit2 @shxdowofdarkness @nonsensicalobsessions @ahintofkiwistrawberry @jessiejunebug @rorybutnotgilmore @crystalizedcaramel @lokislittlecorner @scrumptious-finicky-illusion @capcapcapsicle @jamielea81 @caffiend-queen @thenatalie @sammy-jo1977 @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore @is-it-madness @jenjen8675309 @alexakeyloveloki @poetic-fiasco

#loki x reader #loki x you #hot loki #loki smut #loki love #1000followers #mcu smut #mcu fanfiction #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #80's #80's loki #80's mcu

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lunapaper · 3 years

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Album Review: ‘Who Am I?’ - Pale Waves

Just who are Pale Waves?

When the British band broke through with ‘Television Romance’/’There’s A Honey’ back in 2017, they were plucky goth kids who produced not-so goth 80s pop gems akin to their Dirty Hit labelmates, The 1975.

Matty Healy would soon take the band under his wing and further mould them in his image. You’d be forgiven for thinking Pale Waves’ 2018 debut, My Mind Makes Noises, was a scrapped 1975 record, filled with pale imitations of Healy & co.’s youthful ennui and gauzy atmospherics, along with the pseudo-intellectual musings to match.

On their second album, however, they trade in navelgazing 80s pop for 90s rock queens like Courtney Love, Alanis Morrissette and Liz Phair and the bold, brash, pop punk of Avril Lavigne.

But the Canadian singer isn’t just an influence, according to frontwoman Heather Baron-Gracie, she’s the record’s main influence.

‘Change’ harks back to the singalong hooks and explosive riffs of her 2001 debut, Let Go. The dreamy, floating ‘Odd One Out’ is this album’s ‘I’m With You.’ Recent single ‘She’s My Religion’ uses ‘My Happy Ending’ (from 2004’s Under My Skin) as a blueprint, as does ‘Easy,’ combining thoughtful acoustics with the shimmering 1975-style synths of old. The title track – a soaring, piano-lit power ballad – meanwhile, feels like a deep cut from Lavigne’s most recent record, Head Above Water.

But like My Mind Makes Noises, Who Am I? is plagued by corny platitudes and cliched angst, with the kind of Very Special Episode-tier themes that haven’t been edgy or controversial since Drake left Degrassi (Look, I don’t doubt Baron-Gracie's social conscience and I’m glad she’s unapologetic about her queerness, but none of it is particularly profound, either...)

‘Tomorrow’ lists off well-worn sentiments like ‘Don’t listen to society,’ ‘You're one of a kind’ and ‘sexuality is not a choice.’ ‘Odd One Out’ is the obligatory misfit anthem (‘Too much love fades away/This world is built for it all to decay/We're only human, both of us/And we'll keep making countless mistakes’). ‘You Don’t Own Me’ comes almost 58 years after the first one, offering up the kind of feminist wisdom that’s been heavily commodified a million times over at this point – body autonomy, sex, dating, being ‘ladylike’ - like the audio equivalent of one of those ‘This Is What A Feminist Looks Like’ t-shirts made by Bangladeshi women in a dilapidated factory for two cents an hour.

‘She’s My Religion,’ meanwhile, is nowhere near unique these days for its use of female pronouns. Rebecca Black just released a track called ‘Girlfriend.’ On Miley’s 80s pop-indebted ‘Midnight Sky,’ she references her relationship with Kaitlynn Carter in the wake of her split from Liam Hemsworth. Arlo Parks has several same-sex love ballads on her debut album, Collapsed in Sunbeams. Then there are songs from Christine and the Queens, Syd, Janelle Monae, Shura, Tegan and Sara, Rina Sawayama, girl in red and so on...

The band also better pray Billy Corgan never hears the intro to ‘I Just Needed You’ because it’s a little too similar to ‘1979’ (At least it’s not 1975 for once, am I right, guys? (◕‿-)) Placing a pining love song immediately after ‘You Don’t Own Me’ is also kind of ironic...

Who Am I? is not a Pale Waves record. It’s Pale Waves trying to imitate 90s indie rock and Avril Lavigne, ticking things off as they go: The Avril/Alanis-style yodelling and vocal cracks? Check. Inoffensive pop-rock riffs? Check. The faux-rebellious streak and ‘can’t-tell-me-what-to-do sass? Check.

The fractured creative relationship between Baron-Gracie and drummer Ciara Doran also seems to have had an effect on Who Am I?, with Baron-Gracie writing the album alone in New York while the rest of the band remained in Britain. The frontwoman even admits she only ever came home to film the record’s music videos. It might as well be the side project of Baron-Gracie and her girlfriend Kelsi Luck, who, in Baron-Gracie's words, ‘watered me, and I became this flower!’

Which is quite a shame, really. Because Who Am I? Is so preoccupied with Baron-Gracie's journey of self-discovery, we don’t get a glimpse into Doran’s own, who, after struggling with gender dysphoria, now goes by they/them pronouns. Just like The 1975 being nothing more than The Matty Healy Show, the band is at risk of becoming Baron-Gracie's glorified backing band.

So, just who are Pale Waves exactly? I don’t know. Whoever they decide to imitate on their next record, I guess... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- Bianca B.

#music #pale waves #who am i?#new #reviews #albums #Bianca B

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stopforamoment · 5 years

Text

Just the Tips

*Thank you to the talented cora-nova for letting me use your amazing Fabricio/Bastien art. It was the inspiration for this drabble. Please check out her other amazing work at https://cora-nova.tumblr.com/

Stopforamoment Masterlist Book: The Royal Romance (After Book Three) Pairing: Bastien Lykel x OC Rinda Parks Word Count: 960 Rating: M for Language

*This is also written for @bobasheebaby and @asherella-is-a-dork-3 Happy belated birthday Ash!

Author’s Note: Obligatory disclaimer that Pixelberry Studios owns the TRR characters and my pocketbook with those darn diamond scenes. OFC with all of her quirks is all mine. My apologies if Tumblr or I do something stupid when I try to post this. The keep reading link shows up on my laptop but not my phone. Ugh. Thank you @asherella-is-a-dork-3 for always being my sounding board! Thank you @cora-nova @silviasutton1989 @bobasheebaby @riseandshinelittleblossom for still being a part of the journey! Drabble Summary: Drake and Rinda have a prank war going on (more details in the next series, coming out eventually), and Bastien gets caught in the middle. This was inspired by @cora-nova‘s talent in her Fabricio/Bastien art. In my mind this was frosted tips, not full blonde glory. 😊

Just the Tips

When Bastien came home Henry started giggling. Then snorting. “What’s so funny, Knuddelbär?” “Uncle Drake was telling me stories about stupid things you did when you were younger. He looked up to you for a lot of stuff, but there were some things that were just dumb. I’m sorry Bonk, but I think Uncle Drake is right with some of them.” Bastien felt his face flush. He knew Drake would keep it rated PG, but there were still quite a few things in his past that he’d like to keep there. “Um, what kind of stupid things?” “Well, I don’t think I have the words for it. Maybe it’s better if I just show you the picture Uncle Drake sent me.” Henry gave his Bonk a devilish grin. “I’m also supposed to remind you about payback for making him sit through ‘Happy Birthday’ at the restaurant.” “Henry. That wasn’t my fault. That was your mom’s.” He already grabbed his phone and was dialing Drake, and Henry was bent over laughing as he heard Bastien’s side of the conversation. “Drake, that stupid prank war is between you and Rinda. Not me. What the hell have you been telling Henry?” “I promise I didn’t know she asked the staff to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you. I was just as surprised as you.” “Have you ever tried to stop Rinda from doing something she has her mind set on?” Bastien suddenly turned away from Henry, his voice lowered. “I am not pussy-whipped, you little prick. And remember, I have pictures of you when you were going through puberty. I’m sure Laura would love to see those. Maybe some get left in the teachers’ lounge or accidentally get sent through the school email list.” There was a long silence, and then Henry heard Bastien’s booming laugh. “Yeah, I guess we’re at war and it all started because you told me Rinda’s phobia about clowns in the closet. That’s on you.” Bastien was chuckling as he ended the call, and he turned to Henry. “So when you get a little older, when you like someone you’re going to do stupid things to impress them. And it’s going to bite you in the ass when you’re older.” Henry rolled his eyes. “Whatever. So anyway, I have this picture from Uncle Drake.” Bastien groaned. No. Please. Just. No. Henry’s eyes began to sparkle when he heard Rinda walk in. “Hey, mom’s here! Perfect timing!” “Perfect timing for what, Knuddelbär?” She gave him a noogie and kissed his head, and then she tousled Bastien’s hair and gave him a kiss as she whispered “Won’t you be my Tiger?” as part of their silly Mr. Rogers welcome home ritual. “Uncle Drake sent me pictures of Bonk when he wanted to look like someone from the ‘90s Boys Bands.” Rinda snickered when she saw the look of horror and despair wash over Bastien’s face. “Boy bands, huh? So no Jon Bon Jovi ‘80s hair or mullets? Maybe I should ask Brigitte for those pictures.” She leaned over to give Bastien another kiss. “I’m going to get changed into snug clothes. Henry, you and Bonk can decide who’s helping me with dinner and who’s doing dishes.” “Mom? Don’t you want to see the picture? It’s awesome!” Rinda shook her head. “Nope. We’re going home for Christmas and I’m sure grandpa and grandma will pull out lots of photo albums to embarrass me.” She looked at Bastien. “So please remember this and be kind to me, okay?” Bastien wrapped her in a hug and nuzzled her nose. “I promise. Although I stalked your Facebook account and saw you were tagged in some Throwback Thursday high school prom photos. That was a lovely gown you were wearing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much green metallic fabric before. And your huge hair, and you still had braces . . . ” Rinda was snorting from laughing. She knew which picture he meant, and it wasn’t pretty. “Yeah, that was my last year of ‘80s fashion before I went flannel and Doc Martens. Henry, I changed my mind. Show me the damn picture of Bonk.” She grinned as she watched Bastien squirm.

(A/N art created by the talented @cora-nova and thank you for letting me use it) It was bad. Rinda couldn’t even pretend it was okay, and she covered her mouth with her hand. “Tiger. This . . . wow. Frosted tips, huh? So you did this to impress someone?” Silent deflective stare from Bastien. “I can tell whoever took the picture caught you by surprise. You look a little, um, shocked. Is there a story behind that?” Rinda was trying not to laugh, but that hair style was a train wreck and she couldn’t look away, even though she desperately wanted to. “I’m so glad this look went ‘bye, bye, bye.’”

The muscle in Bastien’s jaw was twitching. Rinda finally put the phone down and started dancing and singing, pointing to Bastien at the end: Bye bye Don't want to be a fool for you Just another player in your game for two You may hate me but it ain't no lie Baby bye bye bye

(NSYNC “Bye Bye Bye”)

Bastien shook his head, trying not to laugh at her crazy antics. “Tria? How much of your brain space is wasted on random choreography from music videos?” Rinda chuckled, but she wasn’t done yet. “Schatzi, I love you, but you look like a total douche.” Bastien sighed as he got out his phone to look up “douche” in the Urban Dictionary. “Hey, Tiger?” “What.” “You know that Frosted Flakes cereal with Tony the Tiger? Well your frosted tips? They really bring out the tiger in you.” She locked eyes with Henry, and they both raised a hand in the air and yelled it in unison. “They’re gr-r-r-eat!”

#bastien lykel #rinda parks ofc #choices trr #long post

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vengefultoad · 6 years

Text

Kinda tagged by @cole-saberhagen - I don’t know why I did this

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people. Tagging whoever wants to sit through this!

— what was your last…

1. drink: Water 2. phone call: To my mum, telling her I’d be late home today, and just moaning in general 3. text message: To my friend, about next year’s module choices at uni 4. song you listened to: Little Sister - Trixie Mattel 5. time you cried: umm, the other week from laughing I think?? from sadness, idk

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: lol, no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: Yep 8. been cheated on: No 9. lost someone special: Yeah 10. been depressed: Yeah 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope! I absolutely hate being drunk, and have a phobia of vomiting so I can blissfully avoid it :D

— fave colours

12. Purple 13. (dark) Red

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: Yeah 16. fallen out of love: with Ewan McGregor no 17. laughed until you cried: I cry all the time tbh, unless I’m sad. like literally, I yawn and I look like I’ve just been told something devastating 18. found out someone was talking about you: yeah, it’s only been something bad twice though. 19. met someone who changed you: yeah 20. found out who your friends are: I think so? 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: No

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: All of them 23. do you have any pets: one cat! 24. do you want to change your name: Not really, this probably sounds weird but I just don’t care about my name tbh 25. what did you do for your last birthday: I can’t actually remember, although the birthday before that my family was camping and everyone ditched me to take my sister fishing and I’m still bitter 26. what time did you wake up today: 6:30, so I screamed internally and woke up again just after 9:00 and was late for uni 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Watching B99 28. what is something you can’t wait for: Sunday! I’ve got the day off work because of Easter, so I get to start my two weeks off early! 30. what are you listening to right now: I’m listening to Spoils of War, Pt. 2 - Ramin Djawadi because I’ve been writing an action scene and I wanted some tense action music to kinda reflect that. 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yes 32. something that’s getting on your nerves: uni, atm. Each lecturer has completely different standards about how assessments should be written and it can be really unfair and confusing sometimes. 33. most visited website: Tumblr or Reddit 34. hair colour: Blond 35. long or short hair: Short 36. do you have a crush on someone: always 37. what do you like about yourself: that I’m actually kinda clever?? that probably sounds kinda snobby but normally I just go through life thinking I’m dumb but I know my stuff, most of the time 38. want any piercings: not really 39. blood type: I have no idea! Let’s hope I don’t need to know anytime soon! 40. nicknames: I don’t really have any tbh, feel free to come up with some though 41. relationship status: Single 42. sign: Leo 43. pronouns: He/Him 44. fave tv show: B99 currently, probably Westworld when it comes back 45. tattoos: I have ideas, but I’ll probably never go through with them. 46. right or left handed: Left 47: ever had surgery: A couple of times, I had some teeth removed to make room for braces a couple of years back. I’ve also had my arm bent back into shape, and a couple of nasty moles removed. Nothing major though! 48. piercings: No 49. sport: lmao 50. vacation: I’ve got lots of places I want to go really. Mexico, Egypt, Rome, Athens, India, to name a few. 51. trainers: I haven’t really worn them since I left school :/

— more general

52. eating: I’ve finished two packets of biscuits within the last two hours and I am fully regretting it 53. drinking: I’m looking mournfully at my empty water bottle as I type this 54. i’m about to watch: a 3 hour video covering the latest episode of Telltale’s Batman game, because while I love the story, I cba to play it 55. waiting for: May 25th, because then I’m done with uni until October 56. want: uhhhh, to go back in time and tell myself not to eat two packets of biscuits 57. get married: it’s not a goal of mine but honestly if Tom Holland showed up at my house in the morning and asked me, I’d be down that aisle so damn quickly 58. career: I have a job in retail but it’s not really a career :s

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: Hugs 60. lips or eyes: Eyes 61. shorter or taller: Taller 62. older or younger: (slightly) older 63. nice arms or stomach: don’t make me choose 64. hookup or relationships: meh 65. troublemaker or hesitant: I don’t really mind either way

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: No 67. drank hard liquor: No 68. turned someone down: Yes, I feel bad but not for long 69. sex on first date: No 70: broken someone’s heart: At least twice 71. had your heart broken: Yes 72. been arrested: Nope 73. cried when someone died: Yep :( 74. fallen for a friend: Once, and I wish I could have stopped myself lol

— do you believe in

75. yourself: most of the time! 76. miracles: ehhh, sometimes?? 77. love at first sight: no 78. santa claus: no 79. angels: no

— misc

80. eye colour: Green 81. best friend’s name: I don’t really wanna say their name because privacy and all that, but they know who they are 82. favourite movie: I rewatched Dinosaur yesterday for the first time in years and ohhhhh I forgot how much I loved that movie 83. favourite actor: obligatory Tom Holland, but other than that I love Cate Blanchett and Angela Bassett 84. favourite cartoon: Scooby Doo was my childhood 85. favourite teacher’s name: I can’t really remember any of my teacher’s names, but I know most of them were pretty cool people

#a tag thing #about me

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hyungtop · 7 years

Note

Could you do an intro post for vixx like you did for sf9?

so for those of y’all who read my sf9 intro post, i’m sorry bc this is prob gonna be a lot longer I”M SORRY how can you guys ask me to do this for my faves

vixx (synonymous with “concept kings”) stands for “visual, voice, value in excelsis,” which is meant to say that vixx has the best vocals/visuals and all that but after 5 years many people think that the “v” in vixx also stands for violence oops. before debut, they were in a survival show called mydol with a few other trainees. under jellyfish entertainment, vixx debuted may 24, 2012 with the song superhero. since then, vixx have been known as concept-dols because of the way they incorporate themes into their teasers, outfits, mv and go way beyond in terms of expressing these particular concepts.

one thing you have to know about vixx is that they’re relatively popular but somewhat overlooked because they create music and concepts that they are interested in, which don’t necessarily overlap with what the majority of the kpop consumer body wants to see or hear. but they don’t care. they are happy making music and are grateful for all of their fans, no matter how small or big their fanbase is.

(another thing: vixx is literally 80% legs)

vixx’s fanbase name is starlight! starlights are known to be very respectful of the group’s space and privacy and for that reason the members are pretty “close” to us, their fans.

members:

n (cha hakyeon)

born june 30, 1990

main dancer, lead vocalist, leader

is actually perfect: sings, dances, choreographs, acts, cooks and is responsible, caring, hard-working, treats everyone with respect

“mom”

neck chops

chabooty

known for his sexy gaze and charisma onstage

has a very stressful job watching over five hooligans

beautifully tanned skin that he takes very good care of

proudly watches over vixx as they cheat on variety segments during games

kinda insecure abt showing his forehead which sucks bc it is glorious

a makeup genius, as shown on lipstick prince s2

MAGIC HIPS

lead in “in the heights” musical

has acted in web dramas and dramas like sassy go go, what’s with money, tunnel, perfect wife

makes candles in his free time and i believe the profits from what he sells go to charity

has choreographed bits of vixx’s choreography over the years and most recently choreographed “take it out” by myteen

do yourself a favor and watch some n fancams after you finish reading this post

leo (jung taekwoon)

born nov. 10, 1990

main vocalist, composer

mr hot body, resident shoulder gangster and athlete

used to be painfully shy on camera but recently he’s opened up a lot. before he used to give cold stares but now he’s screaming and smiling and laughing

huge soft spot for cute things, mostly babies and animals

powerful vocals

but has a soft, sweet speaking voice

hyuk’s ramen shuttle

yaoi hands

iconic long hair during hyde era

ripped jeans

nicknamed “hamzzi” (hamster) by ravi and it kind of stuck…

but it’s a fitting nickname, leo’s always stuffing his cheeks with food bc food > camera

really really likes coffee

also called the head fairy because he bows his head and shows the top of it when he’s embarrassed

has acted in musicals like full house, monte cristo, mata hari

he used to be vixx’s dad but now he’s more like vixx’s grandpa

wishes for the good old days when hyuk and the rest of vixx used to take him seriously

ken (lee jaehwan)

born april 6, 1992

main vocalist

aegyo king/wink fairy

starlights are his babies

bffs with bts jin and b1a4′s sandeul (@ celebrity bromance where is my 92 grandpa squad episode) and also exid’s hani!!!

hair porn

wiggly butt

an expensive hoe…he has so many shoes and overly expensive casual clothes

proud of his big nose

loves attention from the members

angry gamer

beautiful, goosebump-inducing falsetto

has a dirty mouth and has gotten in trouble for it…but it’s okay(if you watch vixx mtv diary there’s one episode where he starts cussing in english to lose a game)

rising musical actor, starred in chess, cinderella, and hamlet

also acted in the drama boardinghouse 24

loves to draw! he’s had a few “art lesson” vlives and draws the characters for their vixx tv videos

eats everything in sight

but he’s been working really hard and is going around shirtless now (famously dubbed as “having a tits party”)

ravi (kim wonshik)

born feb. 15, 1993

main rapper, lead dancer, vocalist

loves dogs and is a doggy daddy, he has a french bulldog named butt aka ongdongie (don’t go googling “ravi butt” now)

in the top 10 idols with royalties, boi is raking in the $$$$

resident fashionista, looks good in any style and any clothing (and any hair)

currently has 5 tattoos

deeeeeeeeeeeeep voice

seems very manly but is actually the softest and cries the most

knows how to work DEm HIPS

very touchy, especially loves doting on ken

expressive eyebrows

loves his younger sister and wanted to become a bodyguard for her when he grew up

hates bugs holy crap it’s not even a joke he is terrified of them

shy with girls

he’s going to lose his hair at this rate he’s been every single shade of the rainbow and more

professional photobomber/meme

has cute cheekbones that come out when he smiles

is a little bit of a shit to n but we know ravi loves him

debuted as a solo artist in january 2017 with bomb

hongbin

judging since born sept. 29, 1993

vocalist/rapper, visual

savage motherfucker but also smiley cutesy bean who laughs at everything

ravi’s soulmate

signature dimples and toothy smile

very deep but sweet and clear voice

cringe fists when he’s embarrassed

NEEDS MORE LINES

underrates himself and it’s really sad bc he’s way more than just a face if he made it this far

arms and jawline sculpted by the gods

teased for his short legs and baby hands

notable achievement: ranked #7 globally in overwatch for playing hanzo (sorry i don’t know gaming terms)

kind of emotionally constipated. he said he would “follow n anywhere” but mostly just acts like his life’s goal is to be as far away from him as possible

can be kind of mature but automatically turns into a huge dumb when put together with hyuk

well-known for his role as wang chiang in moorim school

recently starred in the drama “wednesdays at 3:30pm” check it out on viki it’s super cute!

hyuk (han sanghyuk)

born july 5, 1995

lead dancer, vocalist, maknae

from daejeon, making him the only member not from seoul

the boss of vixx

a die-hard belieber

used to be terrified of leo but grew 5 inches and muscles and now leo is his punching bag

but honestly everyone is his punching bag…except hongbin

hyuk is hongbin’s prodigy so there’s some obligatory respect there

aspiring songwriter and rapper

potato nose

fiercely competitive

hates aegyo

also a huge gamer nerd with hongbin

once abandoned by 5vixx at a gas station when he was only 16 or 17 and many speculate that this was the beginning of the end of sweet maknae hyuk

the worst cook in vixx, he can’t even fry an egg

always covering his smile

english cover king

very very wild dancer

up and coming actor! he starred in the 2016 film “chasing” as an overly aggressive delinquent with a dirty mouth and has a webdrama coming out in october with apink’s chorong!

list of comebacks and respective concepts:

superhero; may 2012

rock ur body: august 2012

on and on; vampires; april 2013

hyde/gr8u: jekyll/hyde; may/july 2013

voodoo doll: blood and gore warning; november 2013

eternity: time travelers; may 2014

error: androids; november 2014

love equation: probably the most “mainstream” song they’ve done; march 2015

chained up: love slaves; november 2015

dynamite: zelos (jealousy); april 2016

fantasy: hades (death); august 2016

the closer: kratos (destruction); october 2016

shangri la: paradise; may 2017

scentist: perfumers/scent; april 2018

some other non-title tracks that are treasures:

light up the darkness* // spider // love me do* // desperate* // black out

*choreographed by cha leader

vixx lr subunit:

vixx lr consists of leo and ravi. they had a subunit debut in august of 2015 with beautiful liar and more recently came back with whisper in late august 2017. both leo and ravi are heavily involved with song production, with both of them writing lyrics and composing for tracks on these albums.

beautiful liar

whisper

words to say

feeling

beautiful night

chocolatier

important videos:

plan v diary

only u

this iconic hyde performance I’M SORRY

stress come on!

blossom tears

one fine day (subbed episodes here)

bingo talk

white day // bloopers

ask in a box 1 2

king of masked singer n leo ken

asia where vixx loves

star 360 1 2

ken on duet song festival

i want to fall in love

don’t go today

moon of seoul

hyuk’s covers

call you mine

love yourself

photograph

hug (original)

ships: most of the ship names are pretty easy to figure out. the most popular ones are probably wontaek (leo/ravi), neo, keo, raken/kenvi, rabin, luck (leo/hyuk), chabin (n/hongbin).

i hope this helps! let me know if any of the links are funky :)

#hmu if u wanna talk more abt vixx #I AM ALWAYS AVAILABLE TO TALK ABOUT VIXX.#about vixx #asks #vixx

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bobbystompy · 6 years

Text

My Top 120 Songs Of 2017

Previously: 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

The one saving grace is we do have 12 fewer than last year.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier

Speaking of… each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself

Oh, also, off the suggestion of Mike Gilkes -- and a few others -- I made this whole thing into a Spotify playlist, which you can peep here (includes 114 of the 120):

Let’s go?

youtube

120) Big Sean & Metro Boomin f/ 21 Savage - “Pull Up N Wreck”

Some mediocre, listenable rap made by dudes who know a bit better (well, at least 2/3rds of them).

119) Maroon 5 f/ Future - “Cold”

This song makes me feel mostly nothing... but the first minute of the video does have some solid Adam Levine alone-in-the-car acting.

/oh my god it has 119 million views

This was a lot easier to enjoy when I assumed it went unnoticed. Bonus points for the Wu-Tang shirt at the end.

118) Bleachers - “Hate That You Know Me”

Closed out 2017 undecided as ever on one Jack Antonoff. Should we hate him for dating Lena Dunham? Somehow respect him more? Give him mega credit for his big time pop songwriting collabs? Or is that a ding? Is he a nerd or the coolest guy in the cocktail bar? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, and this song is merely OK.

UPDATE: THEY GAWN

117) B.o.B f/ T.I. & Ty Dolla $ign - “4 Lit”

Real bad song with a mindless/terrible/misogynistic chorus. Yet... something about professional musicians sitting in a room and coming up with “4 Lit” as some sort of escalated to catchphrase to “lit” is just hilarious.

116) Prophets of Rage - “Unfuck The World”

Sure, this hits a lot of the same beats as Rage Against The Machine’s “Sleep Now In The Fire” from 18 years ago, but in these increasingly polarized, political times, I welcome their voice.

115) Kacy Hill - “Like A Woman”

This song is so chill and ethereal that it seems almost unfeasible for my punk/hip-hop/XX chromosome havin’ ass to completely sync with its wave.

114) The Decemberists - “Ben Franklin’s Song”

What happens when pop indie teams up with the lyrical stylings of Lin-Manuel Miranda? Well, this. I’m not sure if The Decemberists drop f-bombs in any of their other songs, but it pleases me to think it only happened here.

113) Offset & Metro Boomin - “Ric Flair Drip”

Mostly here for the beat.

112) Hurray For The Riff Raff - “Hungry Ghost”

A cool song that’s hard to put into a box. Indie? Pop? Rock? Forget labels, just enjoy.

(Minus a few points for the low hanging “girl/world” rhyme)

111) Wavves - “Dreams Of Grandeur”

I was pretty let down by the new Wavves LP, but this song sounds enough like the old stuff to be a net positive (despite being, like, 70 seconds too long)

110) Culture Abuse - “So Busted”

Culture Abuse got on my radar with last year’s all-timer, “Dream On”. It was an unrelenting, robotic pulverization. “So Busted” is more of a drug comedown; a ballad, even. While “Dream On” wanted to seek you out and kill you like a terminator; “So Busted” just wants a cuddle.

109) Trey Songz - “#1Fan”

This song is so dumb and funny and pseudo competent. Really not sure how the R&B guys get away with this shit.

108) The Killers - “The Man”

Is this in a movie? It should be in a movie. It’s kind of, like, a better version of what Arcade Fire has been trying to be.

107) New Lenox - “Protest Sweater”

A good song for the ending 2017 -- or any year, really -- and its run time (1:30) would make Joyce Manor proud.

106) Logic - “Everybody”

This is really good, but it reminds me so much of Kendrick that it becomes distracting.

105) Gorillaz f/ DRAM - “Andromeda”

Didn’t spend enough time listening to the new Gorillaz record, but I actually put the blame on them: it was long, man. So while I woulda loved to pick one of the songs with a cool cameo (hi, Vince Staples!), this is the one I actually had around the most. It’s all we’ve come to expect from this cartoon band -- kinda British, kinda futuristic, very undisturbed. Also, if it gets you back to the album before me, I heard that Damon Albarn told all collaborating artists to record their parts like the world was ending tomorrow.

104) Dropkick Murphys - “Blood”

If you know me at all, you know I historically have not been a fan of this band. But for whatever reason, this one connected -- bagpipes and all.

103) Captain, We’re Sinking - “Books”

CWS was never, ever going to top the falling-apart-desperation of 2013′s “The Future Is Cancelled”, but this song comes pleasantly close.

102) IRONTOM - “Be Bold Like Elijah”

My buddy Crooks rec’d this band, and the guitars give me Queens Of The Stone Age vibes in the best possible way. A bio on lastFM compared them to Arctic Monkeys, and you know what? I agree with that, too.

101) Jidenna - “A Bull’s Tale”

This song feels primed to explode and makes you wanna rip the shirt off your chest; only we don’t know if the bomb’s gonna blow in the middle or at the end.

100) Jeff Tweedy - “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart”

Yeah yeah, the original version of this dropped in 2002, and yes, it’s just a cover by the dude who originally sang it. I... do not care. It made me appreciate the confessional regret all over again.

99) Talib Kweli f/ Yummy Bingham & Jay Electronica - “All Of Us”

It was all bad just a week ago

Kweli and Jay Elect are a collab made in conscious rap heaven, so this song was more than a pleasant surprise.

98) Rise Against - “House On Fire”

This song could have been on “Revolutions Per Minute”. Or maybe I’m just saying that because of the hand grenade lyric in the chorus.

97) HAIM - “Want You Back”

Can’t imagine there being a lamer song on this list. HAIM and Bleachers should get in a wuss rock beef that ends with pistols.

96) The Bigger Empty - “By Its Own (So What)”

My producer plays bass in this band. This song is super solid, and, maybe most importantly in these completely divisive times, unoffensive and approachable. Kinda Hush Sound-y.

95) Little Big Town - “Lost In California” (note: link is to live version)

From the bros and broettes who brought us “Day Drinking” comes this much more subdued track. If you squint, it doesn’t really even seem like country. Granted, if they sang “Alabama” instead of “California”, you could probably call that claim out immediately.

94) Lana Del Rey - “Heroin”

Another beautiful/dreamy song from an artist who’s near-perfected that niche.

93) Wavves & Culture Abuse - “Up And Down”

Wavves and Culture Abuse have already made appearances on this list, and we haven’t even cracked the Top 80. Fortunately, their collaboration scored a little higher than their individual outputs. Shout out to their uplifting outro “I’ll just get high and I’ll die alone”.

92) The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - “Something Just Like This”

This song played at my gym all the time, and I was positive it was Coldplay. Then someone told me it was The Chainsmokers. Then I looked it up on YouTube, and it says “The Chainsmokers & Coldplay”... so what’s the deal, assholes?

91) Lil Peep f/ Lil Tracy - “Awful Things”

I hadn’t heard of Lil Peep when I found out of his passing in 2017. After looking up some pictures, I was nearly 100% positive his music was not for me. This was incorrect. I haven’t really listened to songs that sound like his; it’s kind of like rap that treads this line of being bad while also kinda sounding like alternative rock; destructive love song that doesn’t flinch.

90) AFI - “Dark Snow”

Nothing new, but Davey Havok can still sing circles around almost anybody.

89) Dashboard Confessional - “Love Yourself” (link is to live, partial version)

Well, Dashboard covered Biebs, and we all lived to tell the tale.

88) Garrett Dale - “2016 Was...”

This song would be a blast as a singalong in a late night hotel room. There’s something calming about celebrating -- or at least acknowledging -- everything sucking.

87) Katy Perry f/ Skip Marley - “Chained To The Rhythm”

Got more than a few issues with this song, but it’s catchy, so they’re mostly forgiven. Even though it’s Katy Perry, I was pretty surprised to see it racked up 444 million views.

And seriously who the hell is Skip Marley?!

86) The Ramblin’ Boys Of Pleasure - “Glug, Glug, Glug”

Now is probably a good time to plug the lead track from my band’s b-sides record that came out this year (ten years in the making, baby!). Mandatory listening if you’ve ever bonged brandy, partied in Champaign, or counted down in a country voice.

85) Charly Bliss - “Glitter”

It’s been nearly a year, but it’s still somewhat difficult to calibrate this singer’s voice. Is it a little too saccharine, too childlike, or just perfect? You be the judge.

84) Emperor X - “Wasted On The Senate Floor”

This singer is real god damn frenetic.

83) Father John Misty - “Total Entertainment Forever”

/obligatory “yes, this is the one with the Taylor Swift lyric” reference

FJM has such a pro’s pro voice and makes super sound music... but it’s also kinda hard to have an overall opinion. The more 50-50 I get, the more I think it’s not all that great. The video is a microcosm. Like... why is Macaulay Culkin paying Cobain? Is this a commentary on capitalism? Oooh, nah nah nahs are nice! As divided as I still am, I’m pretty positive this song is good-if-not-great.

82) St. Vincent - “New York”

This song is further proof that soft, radio friendly music can still benefit from a well placed “motherfucker”.

81) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness - “Dead Man’s Dollar”

As long as Andrew McMahon’s project is called “Andrew McMahon In the Wilderness”, I will make fun of him like clockwork.

This song is nice. I sometimes sing “I want Thon Maker” when he says “I want to make a” in the chorus.

80) Kele Okereke - “Streets Been Talkin’”

Kele’s most impressive feat was sneaking “bae” right into the chorus without me noticing until literally right now.

79) Rick Ross - “Summer Seventeen”

How the hell did this dumbass song get so high up on the list? I have no explanation. Classic Roazy though -- aim high, fake it till you make it. When I started my new job in August, IT reset my password to “summer2017″, and I had this song’s hook in my head nearly every time I typed it in. All told, a pretty hilarious way to start a work day.

78) Michelle Branch - “Best You Ever”

This song sounds so dark and sultry, but I’m not totally sure why. Branch rules.

77) Calvin Harris f/ Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - “Feels”

The best way to ruin this song for anyone is to point out how much the hook sounds like Katy Perry singing “Don’t be afraid to catch fish”.

76) Morrissey - “Spent The Day In Bed”

This is a very low maintenance lyric video. So you can either make fun of that or the “I spent the day in bed / I’m not the type, but I love my bed” line.

75) Red City Radio - “If You Want Blood (Be My Guest)”

The “We don’t need a god damn thing from you” chorus is a little punk cliche to win me over, but the Oklahoma City reference (”where our dreams come true and die”) is the line I’ve been waiting for since I found out RCR was from there.

74) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - “Talk 2 Her”

The closest we’ll get to a new Clash song in 2017.

73) Bad Cop/Bad Cop - “Womanarchist”

Factoring in the 2017′s themes (#MeToo, Harvey dead, etc.), this has to be the song title of the year. I smiled ear-to-ear watching this music video.

72) The Movielife - “Mercy Is Asleep At The Wheel”

Hey, The Movielife reunited!

71) The Rocket Summer - “Gone Too Long”

Unlike that lazy ass Morrissey, The Rocket Summer gave us a lyric video that basically passes as a legit music video.

70) Miguel f/ Travis Scott - “Sky Walker”

Me, every time I listen to this song:

“Ooh, beat is pretty solid.”

“Ah yeah, the hook’s good. I thought I really liked this song though...”

/falsetto part

“AW YEAH.”

69) Queens Of The Stone Age - “The Way You Used To Do”

Had never known about the Josh Homme/Elvis comparisons, but after hearing this, I totally get it now. Also: god damn it, man.

68) Macklemore f/ Skylar Grey - “Glorious”

What can we do to make Skylar Grey more famous? She Ginger Rogers’d for Em on “SNL” -- seriously, she played piano and sung Dido, Beyoncé, and Rihanna hooks (that’s a solid ass trinity!) -- has unarguably awesome songs, and never takes anything off the table. I honestly don’t care if she has another hit... let’s just, like, all Venmo her five bucks or something.

One of my fav music videos on the list so far. Be as skeptical of Macklemore as you want, but when his grandma offers him a drink (haha) then says she wants to “do it all” with their day together, it warms the hearts.

67) Direct Hit! - “Blood On Your Tongue”

Direct Hit! continues to be the best modern version of Green Day, The Ramones*, and themselves.

(* - without being Ramones-core)

66) Boyd & The Stahfools - “Party Penguin”

I’ve been in the game for a long while, but, for the first time in my career, I finally was part of a music video. If you told me it was a 2Pac parody that advertised craft beer, I’d, well, I’d believe you. We got Dave Hernandez on the hook, Mike Healy as Dr. Dre, and yours truly as Makaveli.

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And all jokes aside, “On vacation like Bev D’Angelo” is one of my favorite penned lines.

65) Rancid - “Telegraph Avenue”

I like when Tim sings about grabbing his left-handed guitar.

64) Big Sean f/ Jeremih - “Light”

Sean Don made a forgettable 2017 album with many throwaway tracks -- but “Light” ain’t one of ‘em. I liked this song even before the touching video cemented its power.

63) blink 182 - “Parking Lot”

This is that weird mix of what makes all new blink really good and really eh at the same time -- Skiba involved (for better or worse), inspired Mark (for better or worse), and Travis’ overplaying (for better or worse). It’s for sure easier if you just turn your brain off and go with it.

Why does he reference Chicago in the verse then California in the pre-chorus?

I SAID “OFF”.

62) New Found Glory - “Your Jokes Aren’t Funny”

This song doesn’t break a ton of new ground, but it’s got this circular, easy chorus that keeps me coming back.

61) Teenage Bottlerocket - “Goin’ Back To Wyo”

Similar to Red City Radio writing about OKC, I can’t get enough of TB writing about their home. Did I blast this song while driving across the entire state alone this summer? Do you know me an ounce?

60) Frank Turner - “The Sand In The Gears”

A little dissatisfied with the current administration? Frank may be from across the pond, but he’s with you on this one, man. One of my favorite parts of this song is when he breaks the rhyme scheme just to angrily say “I thought that we were winning the war against the homophobes and the racists”.

59) Billy Bragg - “Not Everything That Counts Can Be Counted”

Billy Bragg is here for all of us, with perspective, wisdom, and insightful guidance in tow.

58) Dave Hause - “The Flinch”

Send this one to an old flame if you’re hoping, you know, to maybe rekindle.

57) Selena Gomez f/ Gucci Mane - “Fetish”

That’s right -- “Bad Liar” got beat out by this significantly less popular single featuring one of my least favorite rappers.

/looks up play totals

”Fetish”... 130 million

“Bad Liar”... 214 million

Comparably popular, I say! For me, this one is all about the chorus -- and that beat’ll get you swayin’.

56) Jay Electronica - “Letter To Falon”

‘Cause who gon’ save them babies? / And finally put a definite to all those maybes

Death, taxes, maybe death again, and Jay Electronica never releasing a full length album. Our man has been on Roc Nation for nearly ten years. I hate him so much. /anxiously awaits his next move

Jay Electricity in his zone on this one; so comfortable, in full operation within the confines.

55) Laura Jane Grace - “Adore”

I don’t know who Amy Shark is, but LJG covered her song and punted my heart into Lake Michigan.

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54) Russian Girlfriends - “Antidote”

Upbeat, direct song that starts kinda Metric-y with the riff but then gets more pop punk as it progresses.

53) Brian Fallon - “If Your Prayers Don’t Get To Heaven”

My fiancee laughed when I looked up how to play this song on the guitar and the guy who tabbed it out wrote “Typical Brian Fallon open chords” in the intro.

52) Cloud Nothings - “Enter Entirely”

If “Womanarchist” is the ‘best’ song title of the year, “Enter Entirely” is certainly the coolest. And please don’t let the very boring music video fool you -- this song gets after it, man. If you are a fan of rock music, it would blow me away if you found this song remotely objectionable.

(After seeing CN open for Japandroids on back-to-back nights this November, it feels criminal to have such a slow song represent the band, as their drummer is the Russell Westbrook of the indie scene. That dude does not tire and comes off as more machine than man.)

51) Conor Oberst - “Napalm”

Oberst released a 10-song album in 2016 that was super brooding and piano-y... then he released another album in 2017 (17 songs) that had every track from his previous record and seven new ones. Kind of a weird move, no? This is one of those seven; suffice to say it’s a little more upbeat.

50) Sorority Noise - “No Halo”

You could tell me this song came out in 2002, 2007, or both -- but not 2017. How is this not a time capsuled rival of Taking Back Sunday or My Chemical Romance? I don’t know, but if you like a lot of death, this one’s for you.

49) N.E.R.D f/ Rihanna - “Lemon”

Let’s lighten the mood back up with some RiRi rap. My buddy Crooks’ take: “That's how every 2017 hip-hop beat should sound.”

48) Kesha - “Praying”

It’s damn near impossible to talk about this song without talking about The Note. It occurs at 4:21, and it will make you a little faint.

Kesha dusts herself off and gets beyond empowered in this one. This song could legitimately soundtrack the entire #MeToo movement. When the drums kick in halfway through, you’ll be ready to fight back too.

When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

47) The Smith Street Band - “Laughing (Or Pretending To Laugh)”

This soft, hopeful love song is almost *too* respectful when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. I’m not sure there’s a more endearing 2017 lyric than “And I don't wanna marry you just yet / But at least let me get you a cider / And I don’t even think I’d have to pay for it / Hopefully there’s a couple left on the rider”.

46) Run The Jewels - “Legend Has It”

Whenever I think of this song, I will always have that image of El-P holding up that gun to the bunny’s head. This song is braggadocious, each line one-upping the previous in perpetuity. Man, they probably rule live.

45) Vic Mensa - “Say I Didn’t”

Vic Mensa's Roc Nation debut (CAN YOU HEAR ME AT ALL, JAY ELECTRONICA?!?!?!?!?!?) was real strong, and this one gives you a good taste of what he’s about. He’s intense but controlled and even gets a little soulful. And depending what sphere you come from, you’ll either be extremely more or extremely less interested after he drops a Weezer reference. If that gives you trepidation, maybe the Nate Dogg namedrop will reel you back in?

44) Kendrick Lamar - “HUMBLE.”

I like Kendrick Lamar and will always recognize his talent, platform, and body of work (there’s a real case to be made that his “Control” verse killed hip-hop, and it’s just been an animated zombie ever since). Having said that...

He doesn’t always make it easy. The all caps song titles, the weird high pitched flow, the massive reliance of “bitch” in his choruses... yet, he’s the same dude who begs for stretch marked butts and body positivity. I don’t know, man. By the time he hits the “I make a play fucking up your whole life” line, I’m nearly all the way back in.

Last complaint: that organ-y keyboard thing could be so much louder. The beat almost feels diet because of that decision.

43) PKEW PKEW PKEW - “Cold Dead Hands”

This song is about how you can’t freeze this band to death, because they’ll party their way out of the situation.

42) Weezer - “Any Friend Of Diane’s”

This song puts me in a trance; they sing the same chorus lyric a million times, and I still almost want more.

41) Taylor Swift - “I Did Something Bad”

If this song isn’t a hit in 2018, then I do not know anything. For as uneven and questionable as her new singles were, this song has none of that. By the time she’s rolling on the tremendously magnetic “over and over and over again” part, you’ll feel like it’s 2009.

Maybe the old Taylor is still alive after all.

40) Best Ex - “Someday”

What’s that, you want your pop with a lot less baggage? This song is currently at 1,042 views, which is further proof of no justice in this world. I remember grocery shopping with this in the headphones, and you woulda thought it was the happiest moment of my life by the expression on my smiling, dumb face.

39) White Reaper - “Judy French”

“There are no good new rock bands wahhhhh”

Nah -- you just suck at finding music when it’s never been easier in human history, I guess?

38) Anti-Flag - “The Criminals”

This band has always lived in this dramatic life-and-death world, and it’s been going on for so long, that it’s like their vision of what they were always rebelling against was willed into existence.

37) French Montana f/ The Weeknd & Max B - “A Lie”

My dislike of French Montana is so high that I sometimes think about having to answer for saying something heinous about him. Kinda like when Kevin Garnett was accused of calling Charlie Villanueva (who has alopecia) a “cancer patient.”

KG’s all-time response:

“I am aware there was a major miscommunication regarding something I said on the court last night. My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact ‘You are cancerous to your team and our league,’" Garnett said in a statement to the media on Wednesday.

Hahahaha.

French, you are a cancer to hip-hop and our league. His verse even references stupid Karl Malone, because why wouldn’t it? The good news is we have The Weeknd on the hook *and* in the first verse, so you can basically just pretend it’s his solo song with a few regrettable cameos.

36) The Penske File - “Oh Brother”

The Penske File make it look effortless sometimes. After hearing this song and doing a Malört shot with their singer, I have higher hopes than ever for their 2018 full length.

35) The Front Bottoms - “Don’t Fill Up On Chips”

TFB’s new album didn’t give me everything I wanted in terms of uptempo bangers, but the lyrics, sentiment, and craftsmanship are all still very much present.

34) Vince Staples - “Big Fish”

The Juicy J chorus might not win a Pulitzer (”I was up late night ballin’ / Countin’ up hundreds by the thousand”), but Vince is rapping invincible, and by the time the lyrics call back his monster single (“Norf Norf”), you won’t be questioning anything anymore.

33) Julien Baker - “Shadowboxing” (link is to live version)

I know that you don't understand 'Cause you don't believe what you don't see When you watch me throwing punches at the devil It just looks like I'm fighting with me

I swear, Julien Baker might be one of the only people on this planet with the power to shut us all up and listen.

32) Paramore - “Fake Happy”

Paramore is a band that does dumb shit all the time. Infighting, legal drama, horrible makeover after horrible makeover. Seriously, this is real:

But through it all, there’s that unbreakable Hayley voice, and it’s like everything is gonna be OK again. I mean, no, it’s not -- but let’s still enjoy these fleeting moments, full blown pop transition or not.

31) Nothington - “Cobblestones”

This song briefly sounds like Lucero before turning into no nonsense despair punk.

30) Lorde - “Perfect Places”

Such a phenomenal album closer; great to have her back in the pop music fold. Car, headphones, party, whatever -- this song goes all around you.

29) Remember Sports - “I Liked You Best”

If Kesha’s high note in “Praying” was pop music’s peak vocal moment in 2017, I’d like to nominate the “You made this me-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hess” (2:37) part as punk’s.

28) Phoenix - “J-Boy”

This band makes such gorgeous music.

27) Drake - “Free Smoke” (no link)

Drake’s full album output, in minutes, for the last four years:

2013: 59 minutes 2014: N/A 2015: 108 minutes 2016: 81 minutes

And this doesn’t include stray singles, diss tracks, or cameos (2014 had “0 To 100″, for example). What I’m saying is, despite high quality material, Aubrey has saturated us with music for nearly half a decade. So even though I dig him lots, it was like “Really?!” when I heard he was releasing 2017′s “More Life” and “WHAT” when I found out it was another 81 minutes (the same length as 2016′s “Views”). Though the record is stylistically very different -- I keep hearing people use the word “grime”, though I have no idea what it means -- it’s still got bars. My favorite stray lines (they add up):

- “More life, more everything” - “I dunk text J-Lo / Old number, so it bounce back” - “Hilton rooms, gotta double up / Writin’ our name on a double cup” - “I fall asleep in sororities / I had some different priorities” - “Women I like was ignorin’ me / Now they like ‘Aren’t you adorable?’ / I know the question rhetorical” - “I make too much these days to ever say ‘Poor me’” - “I wanna move to Dubai / So I don’t never have to kick it with none of you guys”

But, it wouldn’t be Drake without making fun of him some. The song beings with, well, him sampling himself at an award show. The sample:

And more chune for your headtop So watch how you speak on my name, you know?

Which begs the question: did he do the weird Jamaican accent knowing he was gonna sample it? It treads this weird genius/calculated doofus line. All I know is it makes me laugh.

26) Tigers Jaw - “Favorite”

This song could make me pensive and unhappy on the sunniest of days.

25) Tee Grizzley - “First Day Out”

Like many, I first heard of Tee Grizzley from a LeBron James Instagram workout video. It was an easy sell: Detroit, ferocious beat, and the dude goes *hard*. I got a little too excited and emailed my hip-hop friends: “What the fuck is this? This is GOOD.”

This was before I realized he kinda sounds the same in every song. It’s no matter -- we’ll always have “First Day Out”, a brief time in June 2017 where I thought Tee Grizzley could be the next to run the game.

I can’t even be in public with my hoodie on

24) The War On Drugs - “Strangest Thing”

It’s very difficult to write about The War On Drugs without mentioning how transcendent it is to listen to them in the car. Everyone is right about that, but, for me, I also have to mention how much this dude sounds like Dylan. People say Springsteen, but I hear so much Bob. You don’t necessarily have to get “past” it, but you do kinda have to get used to it. Once you do, the lead guitar will carry you into the clouds. This music will make you contemplate and reflect.

23) Foxing - “Night Channels”

Let’s keep the mood contemplative; you almost feel sleepless if not completely locked in to this one.

UPDATE: This dropped in 2015, /sigh

22) Craig Finn - “God In Chicago”

This is more of a movie than a song -- and the visuals agree. Focus in on the lyrics, take in the story, and then do it again soon because you’ll catch new wrinkles each time. One of the year’s best videos, for sure. Punk News phrases it well: “Here he’s made a solo album of losers who have no idea they’ve already lost.”

21) DJ Khaled f/ Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne - “I’m The One”

No one wanted you to know he had sex in 2017 more than DJ Khaled. He made his infant son Asahd the “Executive Producer” for this video. Why? Because he’s an idiot. Khaled’s still existing fame continues to confound. He’s more faux-platitudes than man at his point. So why do the best artists in the world collaborate with someone so seemingly unintelligent? I don’t know, but this song bangs and was probably my Song of the Summer. We got JB on the hook, a dumb-but-amusing Quavo*, Wayne trying to gain footing, and Chance running across the finish line backward with Best Verse title belt. But Khaled won’t let you forget about him, blaring DJ tag and all. This song suffers for that, and it’s all his fault.

(* - his ad lib of just repeating everything becomes charming once you start to get Stockholm Syndrome with the song)

20) Ed Sheeran - “The Shape Of You”

What a 2017 for the man behind the year’s best (super successful) pop song. At the turn of the calendar, I barely knew who he was, but before we all knew it, there was a legitimate public outcry because he was on “Game of Thrones” for, like, two minutes. What a time. Oh, also, the “Come on, be my baby...” bridge gave me some “Real World: New Orleans” acid flashbacks.

Great meme, take us out.

19) Minus The Bear - “Last Kiss”

If the shattered neon heart didn’t give it away, this is a “the relationship is definitively over” breakup song. Seeing them play it at Riot Fest made me miss my late friend Luke; I wish he could have heard this.

18) Hot Water Music - “Never Going Back”

I’ve always maintained Chuck Ragan plays guitar and sings songs like a running back. Well, this song carpe diem’s me enough to play actual running back*.

(* - jk, would never do this unless it was against very small children)

17) Lucky Boys Confusion - “Good Luck”

My hometown heroes released their comeback album in 2017, and I’m not sure any track sums up the effort better. By the time Adam sings “Burned out, they call us / Screw ‘em, we got endless memories / Punk rock and the polish / I hope it gave you something to believe”, there are no dry eyes left.

(And yes, this could totally be an AM Taxi song, but with Ryan Fergus’ killer-fills-only drumming, I’m glad it wasn’t.)

16) Hodera - “Baltimore”

This song would likely have a Top 5 objective approval rating of any on the list.

...“The Wire” forever.

15) Iron Chic - “A Headache With Pictures”

It ain’t heavy, it ain’t heaven

If Hot Water Music is carpe diem, what is Iron Chic -- seize the life?! My favorite description of the band came from Sam Sutherland, who tweeted: “Whose day has already been derailed by the unavoidably weighty introspection of listening to the new Iron Chic record.”

They are a certified run-through-brick-walls outfit. One of my final 2017 memories of this song was subtweeting “Now I know” the night I got engaged and having my buddy Ricky think she might’ve declined the proposal. May have to include a ring emoji next time.

14) The Flatliners - “Indoors”

Had to listen to this, like, five or six times before its brilliant greatness overtook me like falling into a river. The chorus is so, so heartfelt.

Don’t sleep on the video, either (especially the end).

13) Sylvan Esso - “Die Young”

Though I have tickets to see them for the first time in 2018, I am not mega-versed in the catalogue of Sylvan Esso. But this feels like their best song. Imagine if Romeo and Juliet turned out OK.

12) Oso Oso - “Shoes (The Sneaker Song)”

Jade from Oso Oso would likely want all of the above stylized in lowercase -- but this ain’t Jade’s list. This was my favorite new band of 2017, and I do believe they made the year’s best album. It’s early-2000s emo at times, pop punk at others, and all ear candy.

11) Sincere Engineer - “Corn Dog Sonnet No. 7″

Staying in the new artist lane, I proudly introduce Sincere Engineer. This band sounds like if Modern Baseball had a little sister. By the time singer Deanna Belos sings “I’m still learning how to be”, you want to pat her on the back and give her all your best advice.

Fantastic music video -- and she confirmed to me this past weekend that it’s real mustard, not puffy paint (“I have a towel that is all yellow from cleaning it up”).

10) new.wav - “Girls”

Alright, so stick with me on this: new.wav is the band, covering The 1975′s song “Girls” in the style of “Enema of the State”-era blink-182. Confused? Yeah, I was too, but check it out. Maybe more impressive than the arrangements/performance is how they were able to match blink’s production style -- no easy task.

9) Jay-Z - “Family Feud” (starts around 5:30; partial version)

Shawn Corey Carter wants to get right with everyone -- America, his peers, and, of course, within his own home. And though I may never understand the “New n****s is the reason I stopped drinkin’ Dos Equis” lyric, I’m on board with about all else. Similar to the Oso Oso record, “4:44″ is such an album that it feels unfair to single out a song to represent all of its parts. Stripped from the LP, the song does not hit as hard, but in the groove of the record, it’s the apex. And despite Hov seemingly desiring peace, the song does have more than a few call outs:

- “My stash can’t fit into Steve Harvey’s suit” - “And old n****s, y’all stop actin’ brand new / Like 2Pac ain’t have a nose ring too” - “Al Sharpton in the mirror takin’ selfies / How is him or Pill Cosby s’posed to help me?”

In the latter stages of his career, it’s hard to call everything Jay does ‘necessary’, but “4:44″ definitely checked that box.

8) Rozwell Kid - “Wendy’s Trash Can”

Vacillated all year between this one and “Michael Keaton” and literally flipped a penny my cousin Maggie loaned me to decide. “Wendy’s Trash Can” was heads.

7) The Weeknd - “Reminder”

This one got backdoored in as a latter single from The Weeknd’s 2016 album. One of my favorite parts about Abel is how little he has had to change to succeed. Sure, it’s silky smooth, but he hasn’t sacrificed the drugs, darkness, or ego that should offend (but doesn’t because it he pulls it off so well). After bragging early in the song about he won a kids award for singing about cocaine, he calls out peers for biting his sound, blings out his entire crew, and, well:

When I travel 'round the globe, make a couple mil' a show And I come back to my city, I fuck every girl I know

/clutches pearls

6) The Bombpops - “Be Sweet”

The guitar riff in this song is why I fell in love with punk music. Also, super cool story behind the lyrics:

“'Be Sweet' is an homage to our dear friend, the late Brandon Carlisle of the band Teenage Bottlerocket," vocalist Jen Razavi told AP. "Back in 2010, we were partying in a hotel room with Brandon and Ray Carlisle. There was a guitar in the room and Brandon was showing us an idea he had for a song. He had written it for his wife, but he told us we should play it and change the lyrics to 'getting rad with my boyfriend.' He wrote down all the lyrics on four sheets of hotel notepad paper. Since then, the melody and the chord progression were forgotten, but I still had the lyrics. So we wrote our own version of the song in the studio and used every single lyric that Brandon had written down.

Did I mention the video has an “In Bloom” feel? Stop reading, go listen.

5) Action Bronson - “Let Me Breathe”

Action Bronson ain’t givin’ nothin’ up. This is my pick for rap song of the year. It’s got TV brags (”I got two shows, I’m about to pitch another”), a tight chorus (”Let me breathe for a minute / White Range Rover blowin’ trees all in it”), and whimsy shit too (“Honey bouncin’ up and down, she nearly broke my dick”). Ghostface’s disciple is having more fun than just about anyone.

4) Japandroids - “North East South West”

Only a Canadian band could get me to care this much about my own country. The Vancouver duo penned an Americana ode to the road -- but there’s a twist... they talk about their cities too. For every New Orleans, there’s a Toronto. For every California, a Vancouver.

Maybe they’ll be the ones to end all the border wars.

3) Alex Lahey - “Every Day’s The Weekend”

This is the only submission on the list I’d feel comfortable calling a perfect song. Relatable themes, a chorus that’ll tangle you up, f-bombs in all the right places, and every part maximized. She has this way of weaving between cool confidence and youthful insecurity, all in the matter of one verse.

2) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Cut To The Feeling”

When it comes to “Call Me Maybe” and its legacy, I do not fuck around. This song gets really, really, really close. Just watch this dude.

Queen Carly blessed us with another one. The chorus soars, arms go up, and clouds are your closest companions.

1) The Menzingers - “After The Party”

It's the little things my mind commits / To etch behind my eyelids

When this song dropped, my buddy Dave Rokos called it his favorite Menzos song ever. That felt like high praise, but man, he might be dead on. “After The Party” rips me in half with its lyrics of palpable desperation:

Like a kaleidoscope in vibrant hues I navigate around your tattoos Said you got that one on a whim when you were breaking up with him And that Matryoshka Russian doll That lines your shelf from big to small What a way to start anew To shed your skin and find the old you

If Carly’s chorus flies, this one holds us down like gravity. You feel everything, you feel nothing, you feel full yet voided, but after all of this -- the life, the party, the friends, the bars, the experiences, the nights, the lights, the fights, the city you live in -- it’s still her and you. Or him and you. Or whatever it is you come home to at the end, when it’s finally quiet.

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explorationetoile · 4 years

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🎬 Taryn Elliott - A Couple On A Rooftop 🌌 City (No Copyright Video 80) [4K] 💡HOW ? 🔽 📋Licence : You are free to use this video in any of your projects within the restrictions and obligations described by the copyright holders, but you must include the following in the description of your video (Copy and paste [---]) [This is not always obligatory ... but highly appreciated]. Music is also free of rights (More information in the description) :

✔️ Download VIDEO by Taryn Elliott (Without the background music) : https://www.dropbox.com/s/efw4fywekqcbq5k/Taryn%20Elliott%20-%20A%20Couple%20On%20A%20Rooftop%20-%20City%20%28No%20Copyright%20Video%2080%29%20%5B4K%5D%5BWww.Etoile.App%5D.mp4?dl=0

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📋 WHAT ? 🔽 🌟 Taryn Elliott - A Couple On A Rooftop Enjoying The View Of The City 💫 Water/City/Couple World 🌌 City & No Copyright Video Galaxy ✨ Scene (🎬) 📝 Type : Aerial eXploration 🎨 Style : eXploration 🔊 Language : 🗺 International (🇬🇧 description in English, but comprehensible by the whole world)

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📏 HOW MUCH ? 🔽 👑 7 Senses ⚡ 5 Intelligences

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gojiro · 7 years

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The Vinyl of the Day is ‘Discovery’ by Daft Punk, 2001. Their second studio album, this is the one that that showed the massive shift in the band’s sound and persona - first, from their original ‘Chicago house’ style of more straight techno, to a more eclectic and interesting mix of disco (’Disco Very!), and synthpop.

“Comparing their stylistic approach to their previous album, band member Thomas Bangalter described Discovery as an exploration of song structures and musical forms whereas Homework was "raw" electronic music. He also described Discovery as a reflection of the duo's childhood memories, when they would listen to music with a more playful and innocent viewpoint.”

And secondly, of course, the lead-up to ‘Discovery’ is where the band really separated themselves from the synth-techno pack, by creating their brilliant ‘robot’ personas, which fit their sound so well and which has been so fun and attractive to fans and non-fans alike - and to me the best part of the ‘gimmick’ is that they’ve kept absolutely invested in it, never being seen out of costume even at awards shows and other public appearances. I appreciate dedication!

Why do I enjoy ‘Discovery’ so much, even though it’s worlds away from my usual musical tastes? Probably because it defines fun dance music for me. Many albums similar to this are best heard at the clubs but this is also easily enjoyed at home by yourself too. ‘Discovery’ is one of the most popular dance albums ever; it's packed full of great songs, memorable anthems, and the first four songs are so instantly recognizable and memorable, I'd actually call them iconic - the album is just hit after hit. There's no getting around the fact that it's a ‘front-loaded’ album, with the best music at the front, but there's nothing bad to be found on here. Just absolutely outstanding, or good. The whole album is full of pulsating synthesizers, electric guitars, fantastic beats, great sampling, vocoders, wonderful hooks and fantastic melodies. It's catchy and accessible, an album that's absolutely perfect to be used as a backdrop, or soundtrack, to your summer. It's fast and fun, but with a playfulness to it as well as a very nostalgic vibe. It'll light up the room, your mood and your life.

As always though, synth/techno is one of the most polarizing genres of music, where listeners either love it or hate it, so your results may vary.

AllMusic Review by John Bush

Four long years after their debut, Homework, Daft Punk returned with a second full-length, also packed with excellent productions and many of the obligatory nods to the duo's favorite stylistic speed bumps of the 1970s and '80s. Discovery is by no means the same record, though. Deserting the shrieking acid house hysteria of their early work, the album moves in the same smooth filtered disco circles as the European dance smashes ("Music Sounds Better with You" and "Gym Tonic") that were co-produced by DP's Thomas Bangalter during the group's long interim. If Homework was Daft Punk's Chicago house record, this is definitely the New York garage edition, with co-productions and vocals from Romanthonyand Todd Edwards, two of the brightest figures based in New Jersey's fertile garage scene. Also in common with classic East Coast dance and '80s R&B, Discovery surprisingly focuses on songwriting and concise productions, though the pair's visions of bucolic pop on "Digital Love" and "Something About Us" are delivered by an androgynous, vocoderized frontman singing trite (though rather endearing) love lyrics. "One More Time," the irresistible album opener and first single, takes Bangalter's "Music Sounds Better with You" as a blueprint, blending sampled horns with some retro bass thump and the gorgeous, extroverted vocals of Romanthony going round and round with apparently endless tweakings. Though "Aerodynamic" and "Superheroes" have a bit of the driving acid minimalism associated with Homework, here Daft Punk is more taken with the glammier, poppier sound of Eurodisco and late R&B. Abusing their pitch-bend and vocoder effects as though they were going out of style (about 15 years too late, come to think of it), the duo loops nearly everything they can get their sequencers on -- divas, vocoders, synth-guitars, electric piano -- and conjures a sound worthy of bygone electro-pop technicians from Giorgio Moroder to Todd Rundgren to Steve Miller. Daft Punk are such stellar, meticulous producers that they make any sound work, even superficially dated ones like spastic early-'80s electro/R&B ("Short Circuit") or faux-orchestral synthesizer baroque ("Veridis Quo"). The only crime here is burying the highlight of the entire LP near the end. "Face to Face," a track with garage wunderkind Todd Edwards, twists his trademarked split-second samples and fully fragmented vision of garage into a dance-pop hit that could've easily stormed the charts in 1987. Daft Punk even manage a sense of humor about their own work, closing with a ten-minute track aptly titled "Too Long."

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A very interesting side note to ‘Discovery’ is that an entire anime was created to illustrate every song on the album with it’s own video, and tell a complete story;

Interstella 5555: The 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem (インターステラ5555Intāsutera Fō Faibu, "Four Five") is a Japanese-French animated adventure fantasy science fiction musical film released on 28 May 2003. The film is the visual realization of Discovery, the second studio album by Daft Punk. Interstella 5555 tells the story of the abduction and rescue of an interstellar pop band. The film was produced by Daft Punk, Cédric Hervet and Emmanuel de Buretel with Toei Animation under the supervision of Leiji Matsumoto. The film has no dialogue and uses minimal sound effects.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interstella_5555:_The_5tory_of_the_5ecret_5tar_5ystem

The entire movie is available to watch on-line if you’d like to experience it, on YouTube and other sources. It lasts just a bit over an hour, and it’s excellently well done and highly recommended!

#show me your record collection #vinyl of the day #daft punk #daft punk discovery #one more time #electronica #synth #synthpop #dance music #club music #vinyl #vinyl lps #vinyl records #my music #album covers #interstella 5555 #anime #techno music

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floralmarsupial · 7 years

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it's the clipping. anon again and HELL YES i see all of that so damn much!! both u n dave have like,, real good taste. i can totally see zion 1 being such a formative artist for him and zammuto and die antwoord holy shit yes!! as for clipping. w like the raw sound and shit i was thinking more early clipping. e.g. like midcity?? i can see him digging that. what kinds of music do the other kids like?? i feel like john isn't v picky but will also defend his music to the DEATH,, i love this au sm,,

OK CLIPPING. ANON you’ve waited like a fricking month for this answer back (thank you for all the messages btw I really appreciated it!!) I had so much fun thinking of these kids, but yeah, Ok to answer your question here’s the other beta kids fave music

Dave - Look at this post . Also!! I totally forgot to put this in the original post but I think Dave would really like Outkast.

John-

Ok so like, canonically, we know that John doesn’t “get” rap or at least doesn’t think it’s as cool as Dave thinks it is, but that’s really the only hint we have besides maybe him knowing all the words to “How Do I Live.”

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that John almost exclusively listens to movie soundtracks. If you look at his music library it’s just soundtrack after soundtrack after soundtrack for the shittiest most campiest movies, (that boy has every Shrek album I know it) including lots of OSTs from like Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings.

Besides that, John’s tastes in bands is just as awful and campy as his movies, also I feel like John get’s easily weirded out by Punk/Heavy Metal/pretty much everything on Rose’s library. Like the most Alternative thing John listens to is Cake.

Anything else on his library is probably shit he picked up from his Dad (which is mostly classical) or Grandma tbh, esp, like The Temptations. Also he’s..a huge sucker for one-hit wonders.

THE TEMPTATIONS//Smash Mouth///Barenaked Ladies//Creedance Clear Water Revival//PROTOMAN//The Proclaimers//Baha Men//Everclear//Third Eye Blind

Rose

-God Rose is just the most edgy, freak folk, alternative/indie rock kid in the whole cast and I lowkey think she has a bit of a superiority thing about it and loves to put on her music knowing that everyone else in the room probably won’t like it? That said she definitely likes the more theatrical, popular artists too (I can see Rose eating up the Bad Romance video so much).

Rose is just the right amount of pissed, emo, and bad with people to be really into The Mountain Goats btw. Also due to the levels of Gay, Tegan and Sara is obligatory,

Peaches//ST VINCENT//Frightened Rabbit//Neko Case//Grimes//alt-J//Cocorosie//Lady Gaga//Radical Face//TEGAN AND SARA//The Mountain Goats//Yeah Yeah Yeahs//Metric//Beach House//Kate Nash//System of the Down//Death Cab for a Cutie//Gina Wigmore//SIA//Panic at the Disco//Hasley//Against Me!//Three Days Grace…..//Rilo Kiley//Hop Along//MS MR//The Birthday Massacre//Le Tigre//EVANESCENCE FUCK//…Good Charlotte (only karkat is allowed to know about this one)

Jade

-Jade for a fact has the widest variety of musical tastes out of all the kids, nobody can tell me differently. She just loves music in all of it’s forms and can almost find good in anything anybody puts on if she listens to it enough.

Her favorite genres definitely yo-yo between contemporary Pop, New Wave, and Funk to a shit ton of 60′s-late 80′s stuff that Jake got her into, like the Beatles. Jade loves the Beatles and if she’s ever in a bad mood will put on Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and go for a walk on their massive property. She’s also the one who got all the other Beta’s into Queen, her and John have seriously bonded over it and love to screech sing “on road trips.

She also probs listens to a lot of jazz because of Jake too.

JANELLE MONAE//Kimbra//Lizzo//Laura Mvula//SOLANGE//Jidenna//Santigold//Kimya Dawson//ARiana Granda//BEATLES//FLEETWOOD MAC//Simon and Garfunkel//ARETHA FRANKLIN//Nina Simone//Florence and the Machine//The Cure//QUEEN//fun.//Lorde//Glass Animals//Ingrid Michaelson //Arcade Fire//FALL OUT BOY//Imogen Heap//MIKA//Regina Spektor//Madonna/Cyndi Lauper//Depeche Mode//Passion Pit

#homestuck #beta kids #highschool au #self disclosure

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afutureinnoise · 7 years

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DAVID BOWIE, PART 1 BY DAN WRECK

Photo: David Bowie, by Masayoshi Sukita

BOWIE #1 - DEATH

Anything you write could be your epitaph, as an artist.

If you're fortunate enough to have an audience, then the last public proclamations you utter are both eulogy and epitaph: imbued with whatever poignancy the audience wants to put into them. Whatever we want to read into it we can and we will because greedy consumers all, the customer is always right. It's sad and inhumane but when you've made yourself a product what else can you expect?

It feels tawdry to even discuss this, but seems obligatory: he managed to keep his cancer from the media right up until the end. He'd "withdrawn from public life", as the saying goes albeit a very extraordinary withdrawal from public life where he still released albums, appeared in music videos and gave his blessing to the huge Sound and Vision exhibition which exhibited many of his personal effects and revelled in his past.

It's the kind of sleight of hand withdrawal from public life you'd expect from a man who, it is easy to forget now, came out as gay in 1972 on the front pages of the music press. This at a time when no one was really coming out: still a very brave thing to do. Not something you did just to get a slot on Ellen to plug your book. He later adjusted it to being bisexual (which would still be brave now given how many idiots don’t believe bisexuality exists), then told everyone he was straight when he was expedient for him to do so (in 1982 conveniently distancing himself from the gays when he wanted to be even bigger) then quietly years down the line came back out again when it was safe to do so.

This is also a man who once upon a time gave the gossip magazine HELLO! magazine an exclusive, having them cover his wedding to Iman. In September 2000, the birth of his daughter also merited a HELLO! exclusive. This is the kind of thing we bitch at footballer's wives for doing. So let's not pretend he was a shy and retiring man as we shake our heads and bemoan the circling ghouls and grief culture even as we lap it up. But just as it was his right to make his personal life a matter of public record, it was his right to make the end of it private and shared only with his close friends. Remember, he owed us nothing and gave us a lot.

POSSIBLE EPITAPHS #1 and #2 - I CAN'T GIVE EVERYTHING AWAY / LAZARUS

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I Can't Give Everything Away.

A title that both makes a mockery of my point before about how he was as much of a media tart as anyone else and agrees with it. Depending on where you lay the emphasis.There's a well known critical theory of the death of the author which basically says that we, as the readers of a given text decide what it is about and all interpretations are equally valid. It's not one I subscribe to but it's an interesting thought, especially after the literal death of an author.

I Can't Give Everything Away is a beautiful song with motifs from the rest of his back catalogue sprinkled through it: a touch of New Career In A New Town in the harmonica intro, something of Thursday's Child about the vocal melody, hints of Black Tie White Noise in the arrangement. The vocal delivery, though, is purely Blackstar. It's not just a homage, it's the Sound & Vision exhibit in the form of a song. What a performance it is, too. When I first listened to Blackstar five times in a row, before the author was dead, I welled up hearing it then too. There's so much joy and yearning he fits into the repetitions of the title. Then biography bleeds into it and the repetitions of the word "Away" are the ascension of a soul.

“Look up here, I’m in heaven”

The same way that Jhonn Balance's repetitions of "It just is" at the end of Going Up from his own accidental epitaph Ape Of Naples say a lot in very little, it's all in the delivery and the space between the words. I mention Balance partly because he's one of the few artists I love and respect as much as Bowie, and someone I feel a close connection to despite never having met (maybe on the next bardo) and partly because of the very Coil looking black sun appearing very prominently in the Blackstar cover art and the video for this song. He must have known: this isn't the SS variant of the black sun you see used by right-wing morons who underestimate and wilfully misunderstand the power of this imagery. It's not a sun wheel. It's a black sun. The brightest of all Blackstars.

Of course Bowie was no stranger to using, dwelling on and disseminating the kind of occult imagery which has been misappropriated by incompetent, bigoted idiots at different points in history. There's been a thread of it running through most of his career: from the first verse of Quicksand's references to Crowley's Golden Dawn and “Himmler's sacred realm” to the magickal undertones running through 1.Outside that he unfortunately dilutes by couching in references to piss artists like the then contemporary Brit School of artists. Most explicitly, though, he was pre-occupied with these themes around the time of Station to Station and in the Lazarus video we get a more explicit link to Bowie past in the same outfit from the Station to Station back cover.

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In the Bowie's Last Five Years documentary we hear that he found out it was, very likely, going to be terminal as he shot the video for Lazarus. Once again life and art merge and make something that was already moving into something heartbreaking. First I'm going to focus on the video before I get to the song itself.

If you're reading this I'm 95% sure you've seen the video a few times but there are two things which're particularly moving about it when art meets life so unfortunately this will at first seem like I’m just describing things for the sake of it.

The first is the joy and release with which he sings, bedbound but levitating.

The second is is the moment where, before, vanishing off into the cupboard, he looks up with pantomime worry before scribbling down some notes. He is shaking as he writes them as if battling to get these last thoughts, they're struggling to come and he laughs with relief before finally putting pen to paper and getting these last ideas out before the inevitable.

The thing about writing your own pitaph is that, well, presumably you're still alive after you've written it and you can't stop there. Having put that to rest, as an artist, you move onto something else. There's always something else ahead, something which could be bigger and better and brighter until one day well there just isn't. You need to finish it now you've started even if it looks impossible because you can't just stop mid-stream or mid-word. But about when the full stop arrives before you do? Unthinkable. Before you're interrupted, before it's time to put your pen down the heart screams "But wait there's more."

Now onto the song itself. Another one of his many beautiful vocal performances but with a vulnerability you never usually heard from the man. The grain of the voice, the way you can almost hear his throat muscles teeth and tongue as he sings "I was living like a king", the k sound in "like" rattling with phlegm and the dying rasp of "king". It's hard to know when to be frail when you've lived as a king. In fact, even more than a king. Bowie was almost a construct. At points in this song we're hearing the man David Jones.

POSSIBLE EPITAPH #3 - THE NEXT DAY

The Next Day as a whole really plays with the idea of the ageing artist talking about mortality and despite the fact that it isn't as good an album as Blackstar everyone would've reacted the same way if he'd died just before or just after releasing The Next Day. For one it’s the first Bowie album not to display his face (even as distorted as it appears on 1.Outside it's still him, it’s just him after he worked out how to play with filters in Photoshop). We get an iconic image from his past with his face obscured by the title as if to say "The Next Day won't include my face" (good at this ascribing pointless significance to things which don't mean anything of the sort aren't I? Pitchfork should give me a ring. Or The Sun.).

The Next Day is rife with references to death, ageing, disease and dementia. The title track built around the refrain "Here I am not quite dying" and a chant of "And the next day and the next day" redolent of Macbeth's final "Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow". As on parts of Blackstar he spends a lot of time looking back, more explicitly than on Blackstar in fact, particularly on the first single Where Are We Now, a lovely sorrowful song full of space and ache in a way he tried to do on Hours but didn't really manage. It was accompanied by a video of our ageless hero starting to look, well, look his age. On You Feel So Lonely You Could Die, which isn't a great song in my opinion, after talking about seeing a former foe's hanging body, he leaves us with that iconic Five Years drumbeat echoing out into nowhere. The album closer Heat bears a remarkable similarity to The Motel from 1.Outside and thus also to Scott Walker's Climate of Hunter or one of his songs off Night Flights. A great track, and another example of the great man not insulting his audience's intelligence / giving us something to go seek out and read (the Mishima references) but as epitaphs go not one worthy of the great man. The Next Day is an enjoyable album but fairly underwhelming once you got over the excitement of Bowie doing an album for the first time in a decade which was obviously something.

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What really impressed me as a gesture was The Stars (Are Out Tonight) and particularly the accompanying video where Bowie and Tilda Swinton are a married couple and Andreja Pejic is in it being impossibly beautiful as Andreja Pejic is prone to being. After going back in in the 80's one of the things he did in this cycle was remind us queers he was one of us and he still cared. That he did so while at the same time skewering the same celebrity culture he fed into by uneasily straddling the boundary of Celeb and Celebrant is the sort of having your cake and eating it too genius we miss him for.

It’s also worth dwelling on how confrontationally gender-skewing the video (directed by Floria Sigismondi) is in a way you see from few artists as prominent as him even in this day and age: aside from the aforementioned inspired choice of Pejic, casting Iselin Steiro as a young Bowie is a master-stroke as is Tilda Swinton as Bowie’s wife: perfect. His video wife is the only person in the world who looks like him. It’s just a feast of androgyny.

POSSIBLE EPITAPH #4 - BRING ME THE DISCO KING

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The closing track on Reality, pre-hiatus and pre-heart attack. Again a very youthful looking and sounding Bowie but for a long time it looked like it was going to be the last thing we saw or heard from him (apart from Little Fat Man in Extras of course which I'm sure some earnest journalist would've managed to contort themselves into calling a "dying man's final joke" or something).

A rolling, roiling jazz song with Mike Garson's piano playing the perfect foil. Full of intimations of doom undercut with an almost Zen resignation. An album closer opening with the words "You promised me the ending would be clear" and containing the line "Soon there be'll nothing left of me, nothing left to release". For a while it looked like there wouldn't be and that he'd settled into being human at last. Just like Damiel in Wings of Desire, an angel who walked among us who gave it all up in favour of beauty you can only really appreciate if all things are finite. Wistful reminiscences of his past "killing time in the 70s" from a man who it was often said was resistant to looking back but you'd be forgiven for thinking (if you believed the critics that is) that he did nothing but.

Of course, as beautiful and sepulchral as the song is, it was written as far back (maybe further, this isn't Pushing Ahead of The Dame I'm not quite that good a writer or Bowie scholar) as Black Tie White Noise and an attempt was made at recording it in the Earthling sessions. It may be an epitaph but one there had been multiple drafts of. Still, it doesn't matter when you write it it just matters when you put it out and there's a certain grandeur given to something by it having been pored over for so long. To think of another great songwriter who died in 2016, Leonard Cohen, you don't think You Want It Darker or Treaty were just off the cuff from the man who spent years writing and honing Hallelujah, do you? No. Until it is written in stone an epitaph can undergo many revisions and be replaced by others, this to be replaced with The Next Day the way Heathen was replaced with this.

POSSIBLE EPITAPH #5 - HEATHEN (THE RAYS)

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Yes, I know it would've been shocking for him to go at this age, especially considering how healthy and youthful he looked at the time (he was in his mid 50s, obviously a young age but looking even younger) but for the purpose of this exercise imagine he did. It would’ve been sad but he never would have had to meet Ricky Gervais. Imagine that the title track from Heathen is the last new song you hear from him. Mournful skeins of effects drenched guitar, a distant tribal throb then the man himself enters the picture.

"Steel on the skyline, sky made of glass"

A voice frozen with existential horror, glazed eyes fixed forward, the horror of Colonel Kurtz or anyone who has seen death and truly looked at it without flinching or looking away. A vision of their own death, maybe. All of our deaths. A man singing to his God or to the concept of death itself. Maybe to the angel he sang of as a younger man in Look Back In Anger on Lodger. Maybe the angel who renounced immortality knowing what comes next. Rhetorical questions.

“Is there a reason?”

"Have I stared too long?".

Then maybe he's singing to life itself:

"You say you'll leave me

When the sun's full

And the rays high

I can see it now

I can feel it die"

The way he sings these last few words and the wordless phrases after it, full of anguish and loss, is chilling even knowing he lived for a while after it. If he hadn't, it would've been his epitaph and it would've been a beautiful one, the Berlin synth atmospherics twinkling away, rays of cold electronic light in the short instrumental outro which fades out and ends as suddenly as....well, life. It can end at any moment you know (you know, you know).

Speaking on the song itself in an interview he describes the writing process as some kind of traumatic epiphany:

"In the distance a car was driving slowly past the reservoir and these words were just streaming out and there were tears running down my face. But I couldn't stop, they just flew out. It's an odd feeling, like something else is guiding you, although forcing your hand is more like it."

Some people talked about the remarkable synchronicity between him writing these songs pre-9/11 and the tragic events of that day but really, is there? Any more than there's synchronicity between any songs mentioning death and a skyline and 9/11? We feel this because he's a voice we look up to, saying these words, and we have decided that's what they mean. In the same way that if he had died after making Heathen it would have been a vision of his premature death. Funny phrase that. Either all deaths are premature or none are. We make the pieces fit and create our own context. Just to make my point.....

POSSIBLE EPITAPH #6 - ROCK AND ROLL SUICIDE

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I'm not suggesting he committed suicide in this alternate past but what if Ziggy really had been it? What if he'd fallen silent after that. Knowing the man's love of being the centre of attention unlikely but what if?

Imagine you're a gay teenager in 1972. Something integral to your very being, the way you are has been illegal up until 5 years ago. Things are going to be shit for you in a very different way to the way they are now: although nowadays if you happen to have been born queer you're still four times more likely to kill yourself but that's okay because if you survive long enough to grow up you can get married now so get over it, faggot. Maybe Bowie / Ziggy would've been a ray of light when you saw him and realised that you couldn't be all bad because maybe the coolest and most beautiful man you'd ever seen was the same as you. He was obviously totemic for queer people of that generation. Dockers in Liverpool saying they'd give Bowie one oblivious or uncaring of the fact that was a bloke they were talking about because it's not a matter of gay or straight or bisexual: fancying early 70s Bowie is just a matter of common sense.

"Oh no love you're not alone"

If that's all he'd done, if he'd told us all he was gay, left us with Ziggy and then when he announced "This is the last show I will ever play" he'd kept to his word then he'd still have been more than a footnote in history. It's all context.

Everything that came later, his pathetic attempt at "going back in" the same way dear old Lou did when he sang Women on The Blue Mask, none of this matters now and it definitely didn't matter to the confused queer kid in a small town in 1972 who for once saw someone who moved the way they'd like to move. None of this shit had happened and even when it did it didn’t retroactively undo all the good he’d done for you. Sometimes that's all it takes. Sometimes that's better than a million It Gets Better PSAs from straight actors who think that the approval of someone a million miles away with millions of pounds means anything to someone who is getting it from all corners, inside and outside of the home. Than a million pro LGBT statements from politicians who work in education ignoring the fact that sometimes it's not just the pupils who're bullying you because they reckon you were born wrong. These words, so easy for them to say and so hard for them to believe.

“If I could only make you care” is the crucial line. There're no false promises, it's just "Gimme your hands 'cos you're wonderful" as Mick Ronson's guitar wails an echo of the words "Give me your hands". It's a romantic idea but maybe this saved someone. Maybe that’s the most fitting epitaph of all. If you can touch the lives of people you’ve never met and they feel something real when you die then you must have done something right. Being someone’s hero, that means the world.

#david bowie #by dan wreck

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