#the only reason i don’t block the tag is bc it might prevent me from seeing the polls and contributing to rayrard nation’s agenda

[piraytoro]

[jungxk]

just one (viii)

summary: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

notes: first of all i wanna thank the people who supported me and encouraged me through one of the worst writers blocks of my life. all the messages and comments are the reason why i finally managed to post this. special thanks to @whippedforkook for helping me with the monstrous tagging process as well as giving me so much praise. and also @lonelyending for cheering me on for a literal YEAR bc thats how long i cried over this fic! this story is so special to me. we’re in the home stretch now x

warnings: mentions of illegal drug use and distribution, swearing, brief smut.

genre: drama, romance, humour, college!au

wordcount: 8k

tagging: @cutechim @benz-biarritz @gyukult @bangulin @eatersanonymous @alyssa1926 @skivv1es @a-sucker-for-them-sappy-shit @moonights @jeymuffins @juuneaux @catsukiii @andreaisaac @whatheydontunderstand @sreveles @noruls619 @henryharios @just-a-fuxked-up-kid @befriendswithj @btsbesharam @poemsandpunani @taelha @misosoup-forthesoul @jikooksmut @heart-eyedmf @the-piano-woman @angrysunshine @chaoticpaperfanhoagie @jsungshine @ci-yen @faby-montana @shinypeanutsportshero @jooniestrivia @alucards-s @cynamyngirl @jiminie-angel @myskoova @jkshoneybuns @smokintae @remmykinsff @majinbuwu @jangx2manboongx2 @potatodogs @seul-queen @alpharyth @blenxxxg @plsky @th-singularity @bapbaptothetop @hermiones-enchantment @stomachfilledwithbutterflies @euphorora @supachloe94 @jiminxjimout @ggukkieland @just-another-fic-recs-blog @jalexad​

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

x

4 years ago

x

jimin hated yugyeom.

well, maybe hate was a strong word. he just didn't like talking to him, being around him, hearing his name or interacting with him on any level, social or otherwise. he really tried though, since he was one of jungkook's closest friends and still respectfully referred to him as hyung above all else. and if anything, jimin would always have a soft spot for jungkook, the kid he used to coddle when his own brother wasn't around. but having said that, there wasn't really much basis for not liking yugyeom. it was just a gut feeling jimin couldn't explain, a very subtle callousness about him only jimin could pick up on. for the most part he was just like very other mild mannered boy by day and party animal by night, but jimin still ducks when he sees him enter the library.

"fuck," he hisses under his breath, scooping up his laptop to stride behind a book shelf for good measure. because sometimes, contrary to popular belief, jimin wanted to be alone. he didn't want to make small talk or listen to someone tell him about how well they scored on their last paper or complain about their annoying girlfriend. sometimes jimin wanted to have no thoughts and listen to fleetwood mac as per his human rights. which is why he shoves into the first private study room he sees.

and not an empty one at that. there's a girl inside, sitting cross-legged in her chair at a desk with an array of dried up paint tubes and brushes surrounding open sketchbooks. you don't look annoyed or even that phased, just amused as you give him a once over before going back to painting. "on the run from solji?"

jimin blinks, back still pressed against the door. "huh?" he regards you properly. "i'm sorry, have we met before?"

"not really," you admit with a sheepish smile, which is when jimin suddenly realises that you're...attractive. "solji is in my stats class. you hooked up with her last week at some party and she told me about it."

"oh," jimin takes in your plethora of art supplies. "you don't look like a stem student."

there's a glimmer of something in your eyes, and though you hide it well jimin knows he's struck a nerve. "yeah, i get that a lot."

"it's not solji by the way," jimin clarifies. for some reason. "that i'm hiding from. just a bellend i don't have the energy for right now."

you smile. "it's fine. you don't owe me your life story."

"i do when i'm about to impose on your...study time," jimin peers through the window in the door, wincing when yugyeom enters the hallway. "what would it take for you to let me stay in here for a while?"

you pause for a second. "honestly? just be quiet and leave me alone. is that okay?"

jimin perks up, a weight leaving his chest. "perfect, actually."

x

x

x

[jungkook 11:42pm]: why does it say wings on it

[jungkook 11:42pm] where is it flying

[you: 11:43pm] ffs kook

[you: 11:44pm] im still on the toilet can u just hurry up

[you 11:44pm] grab some tampons too pls

[jungkook 11:46pm] fine what size pussy do u wear

[you 11:46pm] i hate u

[jungkook 11:53pm] ???? ? ? well? ????

[you 11:54pm] REGULAR 

jungkook giggles at his phone, already having left the women's sanitary aisle to grab some chocolate. months later and teasing you was still bundles of fun. he knew for a fact that you were sat there with that angry pout on your face, nose crinkled. he had never bought anything like this before, but jungkook had enough brain cells to know that chocolate was another necessity for that time of the month. after grabbing a large hazelnut bar, he pauses beside the oreos before grabbing a packet of those too. just for good measure. he strides to the self checkout - because even he wasn't man enough for the cashier yet - nearly dropping his array of sanitary products and confectionary when somebody calls out his name from behind the queue.

"kook!" the voice is unmistakably yugyeom's, confirmed by the hand that clamps jungkook over the shoulder and swivels him round before he could think about hiding his socially compromising shopping items. it takes a second for yugyeom to notice, doing a double take at the pads atop his small tower of goods. he holds back a laugh, balancing a bottle of gin in one hand while he waves back at some friends to continue. they were clearly making their pit stop before a night out, probably pre's if they still start as late as jungkook remembers. with his hair styled and expensive cologne lingering, jungkook almost forgets he probably looks unrecognisable in his sweats and cotton-fresh hoodie. friday nights weren't for cuddling. still, yugyeom's smile is welcoming and familiar. "got the munchies? and maybe also a uterus?"

"shut up," jungkook grumbles, averting his eyes. he shifts to his other foot uncomfortably. "my friend just needed a favour, that's all."

"uh huh," yugyeom gives him a teasing look. "is this friend the reason why i barely saw you at jin's the other week?"

jungkook blinks back at him. "wait, you were at that party? i had no idea!" a boyish smile breaks over his face. "why didn't you call me? i haven't seen you since-"

"minseok-hyung's new years eve party," yugyeom throws his head back with a laugh. "remember how we ended up on a boat after the ball dropped and-"

"spent all of new years day detained by the coast guard!" jungkook finishes with a mischievous cackle of his own, nearly dropping the tampons in the process. "fuck, that was so much fun! we need to meet up again, i haven't been out with the guys in so long."

"well no wonder," he quips a brow at jungkook's shopping again. "word got out you're a family man but i didn't believe it. until now, that is."

jungkook's smile falls. "what do you mean?"

yugyeom looks at him for a second, confused by jungkook's surprise. yugyeom was never quite as diplomatic as namjoon or yoongi, to put it lightly. and definitely nowhere near as accomodating as jimin. which is why his next words make jungkook's back stiffen. "bro, look at yourself. you got dairy milk in one hand and tampax in the other. on a friday night. the next time i see you i wouldn't be shocked if you had a baby buggy and a mortgage." still, yugyeom throws him an apologetic look. like a mouse caught in a trap. "face it, kook. you're old news."

"what? that's not true," his brows furrow unhappily. "i don't know what you're talking about. it's not like she's my..."

he can't say the word, but it hangs between them like a dead weight.

"yeah, right," the condescending look on yugyeom's face was starting to agitate him. "you totally blanked us at jin's after she showed up. not even just jin's..." he thinks twice about holding his tongue, but as always, decides against it. "i don't know you, jungkook. whoever this new jungkook is. it's been months. you used to hit us up and be independent and spontaneous and wild and now you're just...someone's boyfriend.

"stop fucking saying that," jungkook snaps, all visible signs of friendliness gone.

"why?" a beat. "do you even use a wrap with her anymore?"

jungkook splutters, heat rushing to his ears and hands in a stinging combination of anger and embarrassment. "how is that any of your business? the fuck are you asking me something like that, as if you-"

"thought so," yugyeom looks away from him with a sigh. if anything, yugyeom knew never to overstay his welcome but that clearly backfired tonight. "whatever, jungkook," he looks over his shoulder at him. "guess you're the last one to find out you're officially married."

"you're ridiculous," jungkook scoffs. "all this over condoms? grow up, yugyeom."

"only couples do it raw," yugyeom turns away from him, alcohol in tow as he waves a hand over his shoulder to join his friends like jungkook was nothing but a lost cause. "you would remember that if you still had game."

jungkook stands there, dumbfounded while the group of boys exit the store noisily but he can't hear a thing. the siren that had been itching the back of his mind all this time was suddenly there at full force, right between his eyes. the glaring truth that yugyeom might be right makes his knees buckle. all those rules jungkook once had, all those measures he kept in place to protect his liberty, to prevent this very occurence - where were they? what happened to them? as the sweet and accommodating counterpart to jimin, why had you never complied? though, the blame wasn't on your hands alone. he got complacent, comfortable. lenient. and now without even realising he was here, a scene from a romcom in the middle of the night, with nothing to say for himself but fuck. the realisations wouldn't stop racing, one after another on the conveyer belt of his anxiety.

the photos on his phone; mostly you. time spent, usually with you. the portfolio for his latest photography module also had some resemblance to your interests. charcoal pencils, night drives, orchids. like the ones you always drew on any scrap of paper lying around. now that he thinks about it, he's seen nothing but your orchids for months. and not just that - you wore his clothes sometimes too. his bathroom had your toothbrush, contraceptive pills and coconut shampoo. his closest friends, his hyungs...not one of them was devoid of affection for you. he wasn't even confident that if the choice was presented, they would still pick him over you.

by the time jungkook finishes paying and practically sprints to his truck in a daze, he can hardly keep himself from shaking. he palms the wheel compulsively, he could feel the sweat in his sideburns, hoodie suddenly suffocating him. it smelled of you.

and then, like a final curtain call: was he just your latest fixer-upper project? some good girl wet dream to play out in the wake of your emotionally traumatic past? a slap in the face to seokjin, maybe, and nothing more? when you were done, when he was out of your system, when you knew his taste by heart and had nothing new left to try - would you stay? did you even know how to?

did he?

jungkook starts the engine. he drives to your door, drops your bag of snacks and pads on the porch, and texts you before leaving. he does not go inside.

x

x

x

"you sure you'll be okay with just the boys?"

you scoff at seulgi when she pins you with a worrying look, taking some of her clothes out of her bag to re-fold them just so you had something to do with your hands. jisoo had already left for the long weekend with her family, so there was no one there to fill up the empty space between your awakward reply. you didn't know how to tell the girls that jungkook hadn't contacted you in nearly a month. and even though he was a notable flight risk from the beginning, you couldn't help but feel like there was hostility there. every now and again he'd at least send a nude or have a quick phone call when he was drunk or high at three in the morning, but you hadn't heard a peep from him. you couldn't stand the idea of someone you cared about harbouring comtempt for you, but the fear of reaching out and somehow making the situation worse outweighed it tenfold. 

you look up to see seulgi still staring at you with concern. "of course i'll be fine! they're boys, not piranhas."

"at least piranhas contribute our ecosystem. boys just cause problems for the hell of it," seulgi lays a hand on the crown of your head like a berating big sister, swivelling you to look at her in your fit of giggles. the urge to nestle you under blankets like a baby bird made her chest heave, and you could tell. "i'm serious. if jimin tries anything, call me immediately okay?"

"jimin?" you snort. "out of a room full of delinquents, my ex, and taehyung, you're worried about jimin of all people?"

seulgi wrinkles her nose. "god, when you say it like that its like i'm throwing you to the dogs." she pauses. "something's up with jimin. i don't know what it is, but he's...off."

you tilt your head innocently, remembering the brief interaction you had with hobi at seokjin's party. you had been so caught up in jungkook - or lack thereof - you hadn't thought to press him about it afterwards. in truth, jimin remained as...jimin as ever. if he was acting differently you certainly couldn't tell. "you think so?"

"mmm," she leans on the lip of the open suitcase thoughtfully. "but maybe with jungkook there, he'll behave himself."

you gulp, fiddling with his watch on your wrist anxiously. "maybe."

x

x

x

you nearly yelp when you feel a big hand swivel around your waist, bucking into the kitchen counter reflexively. jungkook always did this before rubbing his boner against your ass, but the light scent of citrus and short squeeze lets you know immediately that its taehyung. hoseok, jimin, namjoon and yoongi were still in the living room playing video games, giving taehyung the perfect opening to intercept you. namjoon and yoongi had insisted that you come over to their place after finding out you'd be alone for the weekend, and you had completely refused before taehyung's coaxing. and of course, jimin's persuasive nudging. even though you felt safe and relaxed here, it felt wrong to be in jungkook's friends' place without him. almost like a breaching of an unspoken boundary.

and clearly, taehyung picked up on your discomfort by the way he stared at you so softly. his back was to the sink, his sillhouette particularly long and lean this evening. "you need to lighten up, princess. you keep looking over your shoulder so much it's making me nervous!"

your visibly droop with a sigh. "i'm sorry tae. i've had a lot on my mind lately, and..."

he claps his hands on your shoulders, teeth peeking through his grin. "you're not doing anything illegal by being here without jungkook."

you wince at his name. "have you always been able to read my mind like this?"

"absolutely," taehyung's brown eyes look so rich up close. "you're allowed to have friends that are also his friends, because - and try to stick with me on this - relationships between people are allowed to be independant from the primary circles they met in. mind boggling concept, i know."

you wack him on the chest until he laughs. "stop making fun of my anxious thought processes! its called mental illness, sherlock! i can't help it!"

his nose scrunches cutely, enjoying your first fiery outburst of the day. "whatever. i call it not getting laid for a month and losing critical thinking abilities from it."

you gape at him indignantly while taehyung roars with laughter. "you're such a dickhead," you hiss through gritted teeth, yanking his hair and jabbing your fingers in his sides the way you would with jimin during a tickle fight. "whores have feelings too, taehyung! whores have feelings too!"

you both fall about with laughter, knocking over half the snacks on the counter in the process which only makes the pair of you laugh even more. it's such childish chaos trying to clean up the mess on the tiny kitchen floor that neither of you notice the front door open, or the gust of metaphorical and literal wind that follows. watching taehyung trying to salvage a bag of broken crisps is just so funny that the presence of an another voice in the living room goes unregistered, as do the footsteps leading up the hallway to the kitchen, so you have no time to brace yourself or properly pull yourself together with you see-

"...jungkook."

yours and taehyung's heads snap to the doorway. jungkook stands there with almost complete lack of emotion on his face to the pair of you kneeling in crumbs and napkins. there's a brief pause where the tension in your eye contact alone was so strong that it felt wrong to breathe. but it is shortlived. jungkook tiptoes over you like spilled milk, reaching for a glass of water. you and taehyung lock eyes while the tap runs in the awkward silence. "hey. you okay?"

"um," you're not sure whether to stand up, hug him, look at him, or even face him. "yeah! yeah, i'm fine."

he nods politely. "hyung?"

even taehyung looks visibly uncomfortable. "i'm good."

"cool. see you later," he says, downing the glass impressively fast before leaving the room just as fast as he entered it.

you and taehyung stare at each other again, not understanding why you both feel like kids caught eating cake before dinner. you could feel the sweat pricking at your back from the realisation. jungkook had no idea you'd be here, and given that interaction he'd probably want to leave now. there was always the inkling woven between his radio silence that he was done with you, but you never let yourself take it seriously out of logic. because how could months of passion and tenderness and honesty be undone so irrevocably like that? it didn't make sense. you hadn't changed. you were the same girl he hit on relentlessly and chased against all odds. so what was different now?

"____," taehyung calls your name gently, and it's only then you realise you're already up and trailing after jungkook into the living room. when you walk in he's already putting his shoes on to leave again, barely making eye contact with you while he chats absently to his hyungs so he can look busy. the four boys on the large sofa can only reply wearily, eyes darting between the pair of you like a firework was about to blow to soon. and it was.

you could feel it in your throat, under your breast bone, bubbling up your stomach. "wait, jungkook. um...h-how have you been? i haven't heard from you in-"

"i've been good," he keeps tying and re-tying his laces without looking up. "super busy. you know how it is."

his curtness makes you flinch. this same time last month jungkook used to kiss you senseless before he had both feet in the door. he'd ring the doorbell incessantly like a child and greet you with the biggest, toothiest grin you had ever seen. he'd make fun of your bed head and squeeze your cheeks until you'd snap at him. and now when he looked at you he hated every second of it. your mother had the same look. your eyes start to burn involuntarily. "yeah, i do. how is uni? your final project is due soon, right? what theme did you pick in the end?"

"the one i told you about," he stands up abruptly. "sorry, noona. something came up. i'll see you arou-"

"something came up?" you step closer to him. "something came up the second you saw my face? or did you really just trek all the way to your hyungs' place for a glass of water, jungkook?"

jungkook stiffens, but is determined not to lose face. and it's difficult to do under your big, accusatory eyes and jimin's death stare at his back. the whole room was waiting for his response, so he just shoves his hands in his pockets resolutely. "i needed to see yoongi hyung, but i can come another time."

you fold your arms. "well it's clearly important, and you're here now. so don't let me stop you."

"but you will stop me," jungkook snaps. "that's the problem."

"kook-ah," yoongi warns quietly, but he took one look at your face and knew the damage was done. jimin was already standing up, circling around the back of the sofa towards you. the red lights were all there; your watery eyes, your trembling hands. every breath you took looked difficult for you to complete and only jimin noticed.

"what are you talking about?" you squint. it takes you a second to understand; yoongi's guilty expression, jungkook's indifference. "oh, you're fucking kidding me." your resolve breaks for a second turning away only to glare back at jungkook with so much fire you can hardly stand it. "you're selling again? are you insane, jungkook?"

"see," jungkook's eyes are stony. "i knew you'd get this way."

"what other way am i supposed to get?" his lack of response only infuriates you more. it felt disrespectful. "jungkook, you're not a kid anymore. if you get caught with drugs the consequences are serious! forget the potential jail time, you could get kicked out of university, it would go on your record forever and-"

"stop talking to me like i'm a kid!"

"then stop acting like one!" you hate raising your voice, but it keeps climbing without your approval. "did you think about this for even five minutes? this isn't like just going to juvie like before and being done with it jungkook. your hyungs can't bail you out of everything."

"this is a lot of talk for someone who lapped up those fancy paints without a second thought," jungkook says darkly. his eyes aren't like you remember, his face solemn and near unrecognisable. "or did you think that getting that kind of money overnight is only something that's possible through daddy's credit card?"

dread blooms like a garden inside you. "that's...that's how you bought the paint set?"

"welcome to the real world," he quips. "as if selling overpriced weed to a bunch of pick-me-freshmans is considered a crime against humanity to anyone but you."

"you think that's why i'm yelling at you right now?" your voice was growing hoarse, desperate. "you think that's the problem i have with you being literal drug dealer, jungkook?"

he hates it. the sweltering silence, the judgmental eyes digging into his back, the slow realisation that the tears in your eyes were not at him but for him. jungkook's ears ring enough to make him sway on the spot if his feet weren't planted so firmly on the dingy carpet, this metaphorical ground. he couldn't shake the feeling that his lifestyle was only an issue now because of you, how he never felt a shred of guilt about any of this shit until he met you. and if there was anything that jungkook never responded well to, it was pity. and he could feel it from every person in the room, all people that that once cherished and coddled him until you came along. he swallows, throat dry from the way he couldn't look at you knowing what he was going to say next.

"you're embarrassing yourself, noona. you're not my girlfriend and you never were, so stop acting like it."

cotton. it's very faint, under the layers of conflicting cologne and beer and smoke, but jungkook still smelled of cotton while he spat acid. nobody could speak, even though jungkook never raised his voice let alone a hand to you, it still hit like a slap in the face. it sunk into the walls, your clothes, suddenly every hair on your body felt heavy with it. dirty. the shame came first, the humiliation next. and then the sorrow, the dread, and finally the defeat. you knew the stages well by now, and they were cycling through you like clockwork. how foolish you were, to make the same mistake again. nobody dared to move, everyone but jungkook staring at you in denial and horror. they couldn't believe their eyes when you nod steadily, bowing your head to the floor.

jimin is already slotting himself between you, his jaw tight. "that's enough, kook. just leave already."

"no," you stop him, unnervingly resigned. that single word cuts through all six men with ease. "he's right." you step around jimin, closing the space between you and jungkook. for a brief moment he wonders if you'll actually hit him, but somehow watching you unclasp his watch from your wrist and drop it on the coffee table in front of him is far worse. the sound seems to ring like church bells, definitive and umistakable. "you're right, i'm not your girlfriend. you win jungkook."

they all watch you leave in dismay, listen to the door closing softly behind you. within a second jimin sprints after you, calling your name, leaving everyone else dumbfounded. jungkook's stare could bore a hole into the abandoned watch on the table, still ticking away like nothing changed. like his eyes weren't burning, lightheaded at the realisation that he would never wear a watch again let alone the one he put on you.

x

x

x

to an outsider, you looked like you were coping well considering you just got dumped in front of all your friends. but jimin knew that face. your stony eyes, lips pulled thin as if to seal inside the collapse of a monument. you took the tea he offered, and then his arms, your face finding his chest with ease. muscle memory. his torso was a tad shorter than jungkook's, his heart closer to your mouth as if the steady thumps were asking for a kiss of acknowledgement. every time you close your eyes you could see jungkooks face, hard and unforgiving and nothing like the man you trusted all this time. but it wasn't a new expression; you parents looked at you similarly the last time you saw them. it was the look of someone who had no regrets cutting all ties. and now, jungkook was behind them in a lost list of people who chose to be strangers over loving you.

jimin sighs when you cry into his chest, brushing the back of your head gently. he had been ready for this for months, but he still hated to see you this way. again. it made his bones itch, his skin crawl uncomfortably every time you weeped. the only time he considered violence was when you were crying. but he knew what to do, laying down across the sofa so you could curl up into a ball next him, head on his bicep and face smushed into the crook of his shoulder. you used to cry like this for hours and hours, his arm familiar with the prickle of pins and needles. but it was the only place you felt safe. tucked into jimin's side is where you would always belong, and that truth was more glaringly obvious than ever now.

"lets get something to eat," he offers eventually, hand craddling the crown of your head like a child. jimin's other hand on your hip is warm and heavy when he pats you soothingly. in your episodes, you responded well to touch. "what about thai food?"

"not hungry," you grumble against him.

"we could make something together?" he peers down at your lack of response. "come on, babe. you gotta eat something. you didn't even have breakfast-"

"why am i so stupid?" you whisper, a fresh bout of tears welling up.

jimin rubs your thigh. "it's not your fault."

"yes it is. jungkook gave me plenty of red flags, and i ignored all of them-"

"oh, i meant you being stupid."

you scoff. "cheers."

"what?" jimin cocks a brow when you lift your head to look up at him. he wets his lips and you follow the swipe of his tongue thoughtlessly, distracted enough by his touch and proximity that you take a second to digest his words. "it's not like any of this exactly came as a surprise. you ignored me, remember? wanted to flex your big girl pants."

you pull away from him and sit up, forcibly shutting out the daze that jimin routinely puts you under. "what's wrong with you? can't you be polite and wait for a couple hours before laying into me like a normal person? jesus, jimin."

"so let me get this straight," jimin sits up, watching your back as you sit away from him. "you're mad because i'm not telling you what you want to hear?"

"no," you say, head shaking. "i'm not mad. i'm upset because i came here to be comforted by my friend and you're just making me feel worse."

"what do you want me to say, ____? that i had high hopes from the start?" jimin pushes his hair back, brows now at a sharp incline from frustration. "i told you starting something with jungkook was trouble but you didn't listen. why should i feed your victim complex when all i've done is try to help you?"

"victim complex?" you repeat, standing up slowly. the sudden steadiness of your voice causes jimin to panic.

"not like that. don't take it like that, it's just," he's suddenly before you, his warm hands palming up your arms warmly. "i didn't wanna see you get like this and it happened anyway, is all i'm saying." he sighs when your scowl doesn't let up. "if hobi hyung hadn't have given up so easy, then maybe…maybe this would never have happened. maybe if i had been harsher with him then you would have-"

"what are you talking about?" you ask quietly, searching jimin's face. "give up so easy? what's that supposed to mean?"

he looks away, hands slipping off you. "it's nothing."

"jimin."

he struggles to look at you, tongue in cheek. his lips purse for a moment, pink like roses. he's wearing that navy jumper you like. "look, it's not a big deal. he wasn't supposed to fuck you or anything, just take you out for a while. get your mind off kookie, show you a nice time."

your blood runs cold. "what?"

jimin's expression softens. "it's not as bad as it sounds-"

"really?" your voice is sharp, sharper than he's ever heard it. you recoil as if you had been struck for the second time today. "because it sounds like you asked some guy to keep me occupied like i'm a fucking dog. all because you can't stand the idea of me being within a meter of jungkook-"

he steps in, but you step back. "you know that's not true, _."

"don't i?" you scoff, covering your face in disbelief. "jimin, you've been hellbent against me even looking at the guy since day fucking one."

"because i didn't want you to get hurt!" jimin counters, eyes downcast. "i know, okay? i know how much of a dick it makes me sound, but its not like it hurt you when you had no idea! hoseok broke it off before you even knew about it so why-"

"because it's worse," you turn away from him. "you tried to control me. choose what's best for me because you think you know better than i do. sound familiar?"

his jaw sets, and it's like you can hear the twine snap in his head, the percussion of his heartbeat above yours even though he doesn't close the space between you. jimin stares at you for a long minute before drawing in a thin breath. "fine," he steps in, and you can't look away. "you want me to say it? fine. i'll say it."

suddenly the air is lace thin around you as you stare at him, waiting. jimin looks off somewhere else, somewhere you can't reach. "don't tell me you haven't thought about it, because i know you have. if i have you must have too. and lately its all i can think about - being with you, holding you, being the one who gets to touch you. and yeah, maybe it took having to see you with jungkook for me to realise how much i want all that, i put my hands up. but you have no idea what's it like to watch the person you love most get toyed around with by a time bomb like that. i've seen jungkook go through girls like underwear and i love him, god i love him, but even the idea of you being one of those wasted girls sitting outside a party crying over his sorry ass makes my fucking ears ring."

"j-jimin…" you whisper, but you have nothing to say. your hands shake.

"you deserve more than that, ____. you deserve more than waiting around for booty calls or living up to what the next guy wants. from jungkook, hoseok, anyone. you deserve someone's devotion and yeah, maybe all this time i've been too much of a pussy to give it. maybe all this time i was tiptoeing around my feelings for you because i knew if i admitted to myself that i loved you - if i admitted i was just like every other guy - i'd actually set the bar for something other than disappointment. id actually have to step up, and i didn't know if i could do it. i still don't. but if it has to be someone…it should be me."

suddenly he's holding your hands, calming the tremble that rattles them. his words bunch up together in your ears, the meaning lost amidst your awe. "jimin….jimin what are you saying? where is all this coming from, i don't...i don't understand wh-"

"i'm saying," he cups your face. "choose me." he pulls you in. so, so close. "choose me, not jungkook. not anyone else. me."

and there's a part of you that has already caved. that's already kissing him, melting into his arms like you've wanted to for so, so long. you're falling back onto the couch with him in a fit of giggles, curling back into his chest to hide your watery eyes, asking him why the fuck he took so long. you chat together between teasing kisses, pour your hearts out, maybe cry a little. later you would make tea and order pad thai and watch the office all night and fall asleep together in the living room well past dawn and then-

you close your eyes. "i can't."

"you can," jimin says, so passionately you shudder. his brown eyes are teaming with too much determination and ardour for his own good, and you both know it. its difficult to grapple with how huge a risk he's taking, because jimin never takes risks. it made the whole situation seem dire. "you know you can, ____. it's us. there's no one like us."

you don't know how you're not crying yet. you only have jimin to hold onto, hands balled in his shirt without knowing if you're about to push him away or pull him in forever. "maybe back then. maybe if you'd have said all this before," you feel empty, the beat of your pulse suddenly strong in your fingertips. "but it doesn't matter anymore."

he shakes his head in denial, his determination palpable. "of course it does-"

"i'm in love with him," you say. to jimin. to yourself. to the world, finally. "i'm in love with jungkook." holding jimin's stare isn't as difficult as you thought it'd be. "you know if you'd have done all this a few months ago…if you'd have just...i was always yours without question, jimin. and you knew it." it's his turn to bristle under the strain of your voice. "jungkook isn't perfect. i'll be the first one to admit that. he's made me cry, he fucks up, he makes mistakes. but he's never lied to me. he never made decisions for me. he never passed judgement on what i should or shouldn't do with my life. something that i never thought i wouldn't able to say about you, too."

there's a brief moment where everything stops. neither of you can believe what you just said. jimin watches you, frozen in his place as you take your bag, eyes glittering with tears when he calls for you. suddenly he's the time bomb he feared becoming, the panic in his eyes lighting them up like fire crackers. for the first time in his life, he stumbles over his words, and then his feet when you reach for the door, all composure lost. he was unravelling like a tapestry in front of you, never to be repaired, and he could feel it. "____. ____, please," jimin chokes, his cheeks blotchy. "i wanted to protect you, i was just trying to help. don't go. please don't go. i was trying to help you."

"no. you were trying to have me." you say, closing the door behind you.

x

x

x

you have no idea what time it is when you hear the bell ring incessantly.

it had been hours since you'd returned home from jimin's, but there was no way for you to keep track when your only priority was just keeping yourself afloat. you turned your phone off, drew the curtains, and resolved to alternate between sitting in seulgi and jisoo's rooms until they came back. you didn't know what else to do. when you weren't crying you were hyperventilating, and when that stopped the absence of emotion was so powerful you could barely keep your eyes open. you were exhausted but could not sleep. starving but could not eat. it was a miracle you even made it down the stairs, using what little strength you had to yank it open without even thinking about who could be on the other side in the middle of the fucking night. but at this point, you would gladly take a serial killer over jimin or jungkook.

"taehyung," you breathe when you take in his face, relieved. you must look like absolute shit because he scans your face and winces. 

"jimin told me," he says, the apology in his voice and expression was almost painful to register. "he told me everything. ____, i'm so sorry. i should have told you about the hoseok thing, i just thought it would be worse coming from me, and then i tried to force jimin into confessing but then he didn't because he's jimin, and now-"

"you're only allowed to come inside if you stop apologising," you say weakly, voice haggered from the hours of crying.

taehyung's pouty expression almost makes you smile with how cute he looks, gingerly stepping over the threshhold. "i really am sorry though."

"for what," you say monotonously, closing the door behind him while he takes off his shoes. "my inexplicably terrible taste in men? my uncanny ability to get manipulated by literally anyone who shows me a scrap of affection? or my absolutey shredded-to-shit attachment style thats barely intact let alone functioning healthily? after hoppping between the first two for a few hours i'd personally go for the latter. but whatever."

"please shut up," taehyung sighs, bringing you into his arms before you could have a second thought about it. "you need to amp up the misandry in this context. a lot of this had nothing to do with you and everything to do jimin and jungkook."

you're too tired to open your eyes, snuggling into the softness of taehyung's chest. you’re too exhausted to argue. "where did you learn the word misandry? have you been reading?"

"yeah," you can hear his big, pleased grin. "i know you and the girls have been calling me a himbo behind my back."

"affectionately," you add, peering up at him. he wipes the wetness off your cheeks, moving upstairs to your room with your hand in his. he fetches you a glass of water before putting you into bed like he's paid to do it. taehyung was the cuddliest person you had ever met, but you had rarely seen him dote on anyone. "girls love himbos. it's a compliment."

"not all girls," he mutters when he returns from the bathroom with a glass of water. "drink this, would you? you look so dry it's making me itchy."

you do as he says with a roll of your eyes. "what do you mean?" you finish your water with a big gulp. "jisoo loves dumb guys, what are you talking about?"

taehyung looks away from you, bottom lip rolling up under his teeth so fast you barely catch it. he pulls up your desk chair next to your bed, thinking long and hard before meeting your eyes again. "i don't mean jisoo."

you don't understand at first, but after staring at his face for a long minute your stomach drops. "don't. don't you fucking dare," another beat of silence. you rip the covers off you to scamble to your knees, grab your pillow and hurl it at taehyung's head. "taehyung, please don't tell me that the one remaining, healthy relationship i have with a man has also been shot to shit because i swear to god i'm gonna-"

"it's not a big deal," he says firmly, and he really does mean it. taehyung catches your wrists when you lunge at him, effectively ending your outburst before it can begin. he keeps hold of them while he stares into your eyes, watching the way they fill up with a fresh bout of tears. "i've had a crush on you for a while, so what? it's not anyone's business but mine so don't worry about it."

you try not to scream at him. "how long?"

"...since the start." he shrugs. "it's not like i could have done anything anyway. with jimin around. he’d never have it."

"but...! but..." you splutter, the highlight reel of your friendship suddenly marred before your eyes. "but you let me talk to you about boys! you gave me advice with hobi and jimin and jungkook and...! you encouraged jimin to confess to me. and the whole thing with jisoo?"

he wets his lips guiltily. "jisoo is a nice girl. i like her, but...not like you. i've always liked you."

you shake your head in horror, your face crumpling. bile rose in your throat. "so all of that...playing with my friend like that. was just to get to me?"

"listen to me," taehyung says firmly, gripping your wrists to make you look at him again. he's so close you can feel the warmth of his breath on yours, and you never realised how large taehyung's torso was compared to yours before. he could have smothered you, but he didn't. in all senses. "the way jimin and jungkook handled their feelings is on them, just like how this is on me. it doesn't matter if i'm fucking you or not, you're my friend and i'll always want people to do right by you. and that includes me."

there was nothing else to say, so taehyung wordlessly wipes your face again and fetches you more water before retreating to sleep on the couch downstairs. all the while you sat there in your bed, confused and bewildered and thoughtful. the same bed jungkook fucked you on. the same bed jimin held you in. out of all the men in your life, taehyung was the only one who treated his feelings for you with reverence. there wasn't one interaction you could think of where he made his feelings clear, where he even hinted towards wanting something more. if he hadn't have said anything tonight, in the wake of one of the most emotionally tumultuous days of your life, you would still be in the dark about it all. and that was the scariest part. you didn't know anyone else who hadn't let their feelings for you effect how they treated you. so ultimately, it was possible.

and jimin and jungkook chose not to do that. but taehyung did.

taehyung did.

when you finally pad downstairs after hours of ruminating, jisoo's bedroom door is wide open. and that's who you should be thinking about now - your friend and sister jisoo - as the sky begins to lighten with the signs of morning. you hadn't slept for over twenty four hours, you were hungry and thirsty, delirious from the whirlwind of losing the two most important men in your life in one day. but still, you are drawn to taehyung. taehyung, who never asked anything of you. taehyung, who was as silent as he was selfless this whole time. taehyung who routinely put what he wanted aside in favour of what was best for you. taehyung, who protected you without needing credit or recognition for it. taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung-

"taehyung," you whisper scraping your nails through his hair. his eyes fluttered open, twisting his head to face you as you hovered above him. he could barely see you in the darkness. "taehyung, wake up."

"what is it?" he croaks, sitting up with half-lidded eyes and a yawn. he doesn't know how to read the expression on your face. he swings his legs off the sofa in a sitting position, wearing nothing but his boxers and tee, visibly alarmed. "what happened? are you okay?"

you take his face in your hands and kiss him. 

taehyung stiffens against you, breath drawn thin. you pull away to gauge his expression, desperately searching his eyes in the darkness. for discomfort, disapproval, anything negative at all. the absolute ardour you find instead could knock you down if taehyung didn't reach for your neck, kissing you again. you whine at the feel of his tongue, having no idea where such sudden and intense arousal was coming from. when you pull away with shaky limbs, you climb onto his thick thighs so he can feel your wetness through his boxers. taehyung grunts at the sensation, and again when you kiss him passionately and without abandon. the sweet girl every guy he knew was agonising over, suddenly in his lap. he's barely had his tongue down your throat for ten minutes and you're already rocking into him, his erection betraying his resolve.

it's better than he dreamed. 

"taehyung," you gasp, palming him now. he groans when he pulls away to look at your mouth, glistening with his saliva when you take his hand and guide it down to your arousal. "please."

[firebirdsdaughter]

…

… Okay. Okay. No. I did that to myself. It wasn’t clearly labelled tag-wise, but the content I could see made it very clear what it was.

I did that to myself.

But the emotions are still here. Fuck.

Okay, note to self: if you see a post that, even if it’s not tagged w/ negativity, seems pretty clearly like it’s going to be negative about your favourite character… DON’T CLICK READ MORE.

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT.

I just.

Horobi’s not a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ dad, he’s a ‘mind controlled by a homicidal satellite’ dad. A third category!

While I do subscribe to the belief that prior to Amatsu telling Naki to set off ‘Operation MaGear,’ Horobi was actually okay as far as actually raising Jin went, neither word applies. Like, other than hostility to humans and maybe being a bit of a workaholic… Og og Jin came across as a pretty well-rounded kid. Of course, they couldn’t stay in their bubble forever, and when the Ark’s goals come into play and shit gets kicked off and outside forces start coming in, the balance is disrupted, and Horobi, still completely under the Ark’s influence resets Jin.

Yeah, we all gonna need therapy when we remember that one.

But the fact is, it’s become pretty clear that the philosophy Horobi was spouting wasn’t really coming from ‘him him’ but from the Ark’s views, which in turn seem to have come from Amatsu. This isn’t ‘Horobi is an awful person who thinks these things’ this is ‘he was literally conditioned/manipulated/hacked to ‘think’ these things.’

Of course Horobi wouldn’t raise Jin to think for himself, he couldn’t. He couldn’t think for himself. In fact, in my opinion, while I think they deserve to care about each other, my hope is that they both grow on becoming more independent from each other. I want them to still be family, and like I said, Horobi is my fave, but they’ve def got issues they need to work through that will likely take some time. The Ark suppressed Horobi’s softer side as a father and tried to use him to mould Jin into a tool for its own use, yes, but, esp as far as she was concerned, Jin was also Horobi’s primary purpose. W/ her original plan, Horobi’s purpose was to raise Jin on her doctrine and then die, getting two birds w/ one stone of keeping him from ever actually developing out of the role she’d set for him by remembering how to care, and also giving Jin a grudge against humans. Jin was Horobi’s purpose for the Ark, and then the reason Jin is his singularity point is that Jin (who I still don’t think was connected to the Ark until ep 6) was also his only variable, esp prior to ep 6 and post return. Bc Horobi loves Jin, but doesn’t understand that bc of the Ark’s power over him, but Jin makes him change and behave and react w/out the Ark’s will. his love for Jin was developing further than the Ark could easily crack down on, and he gets more volatile, so the first chance it gets, it jumps into possessing him to prevent any further issues.

Horobi is not ‘actually’ a ‘bad’ person, he’s literally under mind control. And, esp at this point, Jin knows that. Addressing Jin trying to reconcile it might be interesting, but that would require us to focus on Horobi a bit.

There’s no point to this bc I already blocked the person, bc clearly they would not want to see my posts on this subject anymore than I’d want to see theirs, but the feelings it gave me are still very real and I need to vent before I can sleep.

And literally I realised my grave error seconds after clicking, so I only have two points bc I skipped as best I could, but…

Saying Horobi ‘consulted’ the Ark when he saw Jin in danger? Uh… Where the fuck did you read that? Like, okay, okay. So I do have to concede it doesn’t specifically say that the Ark stepped in, but I really don’t see how anyone got the impression Horobi started that connection. And even if he did… Again, he literally had no clue what free will was, he’s an AI designed to not think for himself and to obey orders????

Second… Blaming him for not dying??? He did die! Humans repaired him! WTF???

I would absolutely never say that all the things Horobi did or said while under the Ark’s control are okay, but this isn’t Banno, this is Souichi. Where Souichi is an AI that was designed to be completely subservient and never think for himself in the first place, under the malicious control of giant satellite designed to control other AI that really, really, really hates everything.

Horobi is not a ‘bad’ dad. We don’t know what kind of father Horobi on his own would have been. Horobi is an AI whose instincts and duty as a parent were manipulated and twisted by an outside, malicious force in a particular place of power where it could completely fuck up his mind for twelve years, and clearly saw him as a puppet. Again, not Banno or Masamune. Souichi. A father who had his identity usurped and weaponised, twisted so that an outside, more powerful entity could manipulate his child. Horobi was the Ark’s tool, Jin was the pawn that she was using him to try and manipulate. The situation they were in wasn’t healthy for either of them.

They both need space. Horobi needs to be disconnected from the Ark and probably needs therapy w/ learning how to work through the conditioning he was put through, bc it’s not going to be simple or easy. He’s going to need to be watched, and probably, honestly, mostly kept to himself w/ controlled visits, or something.

Fuck, all of MBJR is gonna need group therapy. Family therapy. But Horobi esp is going to need, like, serious mental and emotional support. And I do honestly think it would be good for Jin to maybe only interact w/ him under controlled circumstances (esp after how he’s been acting now). Bc I do, honestly, think they both need space and independence, again, from each other. Horobi’s life was always the Ark and Jin, if we remove the Ark from the equation, what’s the chance he’ll end up just switching all that over to Jin, and w/ the way the Ark messed up how he processes and handles situations… That’d be dangerous. And after everything that happened, yeah, Jin needs space from Horobi. Like, he knows that Horobi was being mind controlled, but there’s got to be some painful associations remaining. I mean, one of the reasons I would have loved to see Souichi wake up in Build was to see how they would deal w/ that.

But this rant is already very long.

So I’m gonna leave it here.

Horobi is neither a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ dad. He’s a ‘mind controlled’ dad.

[goodobservationshirley]

I'm sorry fandom is getting you down, I've had to block people too bc this is one the few times I'm using the search function to find content. I selfishly hope you don't leave since I love your gifsets but I'd understand if you do.

don’t worry anon, I’ll get over it. for now anyway. i definitely think it’s a question worth asking myself tho: how does being here influences me? in which ways is it good and in which ways is it bad and can that ratio be improved if need be.

i do believe that it is my responsibility (just like it is anyone’s) to manage the content i access here so that i find the right balance between sharing this space with people i do not necessarily agree with and still prevent myself from falling into this spiral of negativity that fandom sometimes so easily become.

without even addressing the uglier sides of fandom -transphobia, racism and yes even a good dose of sexism, not to name them-, i think the kind of negativity and moral absolutism that has become so prevalent in fandom is dangerous.

it’s dangerous because it so easily sucks you in. even if you believe you can stay detached from it, that you can still see the good in the things you love and not just focus on the bad, that you’re reasonable enough to put things in their proper context, even then, being surrounded by opinions that are not like that day in, day out will slowly wear you down. it’s slow enough that you might not even notice it but it will happen, it’s only human.

all that to say if blocking people is not an efficient enough tool for this fandom then i’ll regulate my access to the tags in other ways. i almost didn’t respond to this but then i figured other people might struggle with this too. it’s not just about keeping this place enjoyable, though that is important too. it’s about taking care of ourselves and being aware of what kind of influences we’re allowing access to our daily lives.

[spaceshipkat]

Myth & Kat Read WS

before i dive in, a quick request: please do not send this to the author, as this is not meant for her but for any and all readers. we censor the name of the author, the characters, and the book title to help prevent her from accidentally stumbling across them thanks to tumblr’s fucked algorithm. my inbox is always open for anyone with reactions, questions, or thoughts as i read, so feel free to hop in there if you don’t want to reply directly to this post. 

if you don’t want to see spoilers, block the tag “ws spoilers” and Myth and i are both using the tag “myth & kat read ws” to keep everything organized. we’re calling this a practice run for when we read CCity together when it releases next year, so bear with us while we figure out what works best. Myth’s post on WS can be found here, and her comments will be at the bottom of this post.

and to preface this, i go into every chapter with an open mind, but (as Myth points out) i did get more annoyed the more i read, so make of that what you will

and with that out of the way...

Chapter 1

this is a multi-POV book and chapter 1 begins with Nadya peeling potatoes. riveting. apparently people really like this beginning, so i’ve heard, but eh. 

also, this is a personal nitpick, but i’m not the biggest fan of authors using the character’s first and last name when introducing them at the very beginning of the book, a la: 

Nadez/hda Lap/teva glared up at the mountain of potatoes threatening to avalanche down over the table.

we’re five 2-3 sentence paragraphs in and already we’re supposed to feel fear for what’s happening, despite the only normal to exist so far is that Nadya is peeling potatoes and grumbling about the clerics who care for her (and who we’re supposed to care for later on, when Nadya starts worrying about their deaths, despite the fact we’ve met none of them)

“Did you hear that?” Konst/antin acted like she hadn’t spoken. His paring knife hung limp in his fingers as he listened.

grammar. why. 

“Did you hear that?” Konst/antin asked, freezing with his paring knife pressed to a potato.

was that so difficult? 

She tried to be glib, but the idea of the High Prince anywhere near the monastery made her shiver. He was rumored to be an extremely powerful blood mage, one of the most terrifying in all of Trana/via, a land rife with heretics.

ahhh i love a good exposition dump first thing. this could easily have waited until later on, when the High Prince (why is that capitalized) actually makes an appearance. at the very least, she could’ve just left it as “but the High Prince was rumored to be an extremely powerful blood mage, making her shiver at the thought of him attacking the monastery.” it’s not good, but better (as always, when i rewrite things, i try to stay with the author’s words rather than using ones of my own, simply to show that it can be done with their words--it’s not the words’ fault, but the author’s). plus, we know nothing about the monastery or why Nadya is even there, apart from peeling potatoes and making bad potato jokes that i’m sure ED hoped would add some levity to the book, so we have no reason to feel worried about the High Prince making a surprise appearance. 

Filling Father Alexei’s washing bowl with a red dye that looked like blood, though, that was what had done them in.

Blood wasn’t a thing to be made light of, not in these times.

the chapter should’ve started with this prank so we’d 1) have more of a connection to Nadya and Kostya’s friendship, 2) see more of the world-building in the sense of how important blood is, and 3) actually meet one of the clerics we’re supposed to care for. also, please just write it like this, ED: 

“Filling Father Alexei’s washing bowl with a red dye that looked like blood had done them in.” 

again, not great, but it’s better

Father Alexei’s rage didn’t end in the cellars. After they scaled Potato Mountain—if they scaled Potato Mountain—they still had hours’ worth of holy texts to copy in the scriptorium. Nadya’s hands were already cramping just thinking about it.

this? this isn’t enough to make us care for him. in fact, the way Nadya talks about him makes us not care about him, even though we’re supposed to worry about him later on in this chapter and the next. (Potato Mountain just hurts my brain. is this supposed to pass for humor?) 

Cannons only meant one thing: blood magic. And blood magic meant Trana/vians. For a century a holy war had raged between Kaly/azin and Trana/via. Trana/vians didn’t care that their blood magic profaned the gods. If they had their way, the gods’ touch would be eradicated from Kaly/azin like it had been from Trana/via. But the war had never reached farther than the Kaly/azin border. Until now. If Nadya could hear the cannons, that meant the war was slowly swallowing Kaly/azin alive. Inch by bloody inch it was seeping into the heart of Nadya’s country and bringing death and destruction with it.

why couldn’t she have found a better way to tell us this than an ill-timed info dump? we’re supposed to be worrying about an attack (with all the number of times cannons are mentioned) and yet here we’re being given a lesson. 

also, i’m particularly not fond of these four sentences in particular: 

But the war had never reached farther than the Kaly/azin border. Until now. If Nadya could hear the cannons, that meant the war was slowly swallowing Kaly/azin alive. Inch by bloody inch it was seeping into the heart of Nadya’s country and bringing death and destruction with it. 

for one, fragments hurt me on a physical level when they’re used this often, and for another, i don’t care that the war has come, i don’t care that Nadya’s country is being invaded, i don’t care that Trana/vians want the gods eradicated. i’m typically fond of third person, and usually prefer both reading and writing it, but this is all happening so distantly that i might as well be hovering over the entire scene. 

Nadya looked at Kostya, whose gaze was flint-eyed but fearful. They were just acolytes with kitchen knives.

they both actually hold their own in the fight, so no idea why this is even here besides trying to build up suspense.

Kostya grabbed her hand and shook his head slowly, his dark eyes solemn.

“Don’t do this, Nadya,” he said.

“If we are attacked, I will not hide,” she replied stubbornly.

“Even if it means a choice between saving this place and the entire kingdom?”

now would be a good time for exposition. if you have to use a reader’s lack of knowledge to build up suspense, especially in chapter 1, especially when you’re bouncing around the truth that anyone would have naturally thought of first irl, you need to revisit your stakes. 

so a couple paragraphs before this:

She would protect the only family she had; that was what she was trained for

she was saying that she and Kostya were just acolytes with kitchen knives. if that’s the case, what have they been training in? (and no, i’m still not connected to the monastery at all. we’ve only seen Potato Mountain, the kitchen, and the cellar, though neither of the latter two have been described as clearly as the former, which is a problem bc they’re just floating heads rn)

Nadya had been told the protocol countless times. Move to the back of the chapel. Pray, because that was what she did best. The others would go to the gates to fight. She was to be protected.

we are seeing none of this, fwiw, and i still feel no fear 

Can I have that?” Nadya reached for Anna’s dagger. Anna wordlessly handed it to her. It felt solid, not flimsy like the paring knife.

 “You shouldn’t be here,” Anna said.

Kostya shot Nadya a pointed look. In the monastery’s hierarchy, Anna—as an ordained priestess—outranked Nadya. If Anna ordered her to go to the sanctuary, she would have no choice but to obey.

if Nadya isn’t supposed to fight, why would Anna hand over the fucking blade in the first place? Nadya also takes off to fight and Anna does nothing to stop her. 

Nadya once wished she could blend in with the other Kalyazi orphans at the monastery, but the truth was, for as long as she could remember, when she prayed the gods listened. Miracles happened, magic. It made her valuable. It made her dangerous.

why can’t she blend in? as far as i know, she doesn’t have “i can talk to gods” tattooed on her forehead, so there’s no reason she couldn’t blend in. and for that matter, we’ve met only three people and heard of two more, so how are we to know that Nadya really doesn’t fit in? 

this: 

To the left ran a path leading to the men’s cells; to the right, another trailed off into the forests where an ancient graveyard that held the bodies of saints centuries gone was kept by the monastery.

should’ve been written like this: 

A path on her left led to the men’s cells, the one to her right leading through the forest to an ancient cemetery holding every saint who had once lived in this monastery.

and this: 

It snowed most nights—and days—on the top of the Baikkle Mountains.

should’ve been this: 

Rarely did it stop snowing on the Baikkle Mountains.

still not great, but still better

Nadya scanned for Father Alexei, finding him at the top of the stairs. The priests and priestesses who trained for battle waited in the courtyard and her heart twisted at just how few of them there were. Her confidence faltered. Barely two dozen against a company of Trana/vians. This was never supposed to happen. The monastery was in the middle of the holy mountains; it was difficult—almost impossible—to reach, especially for those unused to Kaly/azin’s forbidding terrain.

it’s been hinted at that Nadya is in the monastery thanks to her power to commune with gods so she can be protected from those who would use her for that purpose (although why the Trana/vians want her is a mystery, considering they seem to be an atheist culture), so why isn’t she more well-protected? it’s common knowledge the Trana/vians are bred for war, so it shouldn’t come as too great a surprise when they decide to attack the monastery.  

Nadya raised her eyebrows expectantly, willing [Father Alexei] to accept her place here. She had to stay. She had to fight. She couldn’t hide in the cellars any longer, not while heretics tore apart her country, her home.

WE HAVE SEEN NONE OF THIS. WHY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT HER COUNTRY? WHY DOES SHE CARE ABOUT HER COUNTRY? for that matter, she’s been told that, in the event of an invasion, she needs to hide in order to pray, and yet suddenly Father Alexei is cool with her standing there to fight with him???

How could the Trana/vians know she was there? The only people who knew Nadya existed were in the monastery.

Well … there was the tsar. But he was far, far away in the capital. It was unlikely news of her had spread into Trana/via.

The spell was a ploy for time; if the Trana/vians had a blood mage who could counteract her magic, it wouldn’t last.

her magic is literally given to her by the gods, and yet blood magic can counteract that? beyond that, how can she form the gods’ magic into spellwork in the first place? they’re fucking gods???

But the possibility of a Trana/vian lieutenant or general—a mage promoted because of sheer magical power alone—made her feel like running back into the sanctuary where she belonged.

[The goddess] Marz/enya scoffed at her doubt.

1) does ED realize that the ranks of general and lieutenant are nowhere near each other? 

2) yay more immortal beings acting like teenagers. i love when gods scoff

imma rewrite this: 

A hard chunk of ice slammed into her back, pain ramming down to her toes. She was thrown onto Kostya and they both went crashing to the ground.

like this: 

A chunk of ice slammed into her back and threw her onto Kostya, knocking them both to the ground. 

it’s not good, but it’s better and keeps the narration active, not passive. 

The courtyard became thick with magic and steel as soldiers swarmed up the stairs.

if the cannons were just firing at the mountain (and the city at its base?), how tf did the soldiers march up 7000 steps in a matter of minutes, especially since Nadya had just frozen the stone? yeah they have blood magic, but it’d take them a few minutes to realize the ice was magicked and not natural. 

Panicked prayers to the gods would only be met with more magic; Nadya had to decide for herself how it was used.

she hasn’t once wondered why the gods give her magic. sure she may have accepted it, but this is a book and readers need to at least be aware of the fact she doesn’t know why she has magic (or, if she does, that she knows why)

Pure, white light followed her touch and though she wasn’t entirely sure what it would do, she found out quickly enough when she sliced a Trana/vian soldier. She only caught his arm, but like a poison, the light blackened his flesh at the point of contact.

*squints at Sha/dow & Bone*

She staggered back into Kostya. The urge to drop her voryen needled at her hand.

I killed him. I’ve never killed anyone.

okay but she literally just said that every child of war-torn lands need to know what to do when the enemy comes calling, yet suddenly she’s quibbling over killing an enemy soldier?

Just when she thought she could take no more, [the god] Vece/slav’s presence swept in, enveloping Nadya like a heavy blanket. He soothed out the magic, pushing it away until she could breathe. She hadn’t called on him; he had simply known.

suddenly she doesn’t need to talk to the gods to make them help her? is it too much to ask that we’ll know why???

There were whispers of the Trana/vian High Prince throughout the monastery. A boy made general a mere six months after venturing to the front when he was sixteen years old. One who had used the war to fuel his already terrible grasp of blood magic. A monster.

maybe general means something else in the Trana/vian army, bc there’s no fucking way he would be made a general at age sixteen

It was a slaughter and it was her fault. The Trana/vians wouldn’t be there if not for her. If she died, would that make this massacre worth it?

yeah i don’t really care? she’s still given us nothing to base our feelings about the monastery and everyone in it on. we don’t even really have a reason to care about her yet. 

She stared at him, horrified. Run? After everyone she loved had been cut down she was supposed to flee to safety? What would that make her, if she ran to save herself? The monastery was the only home Nadya had ever known.

no matter how many times you tell me that it’s her home, i still don’t care. the chapter started with her complaining about her chores, which was the first impression of her home we got, so why are we suddenly supposed to care?

She couldn’t break free. She could only stumble as Anna pulled her to a mausoleum, kicking the door open. The last thing she saw before Anna pulled her into the dark was Kostya, his body shuddering as another bolt thudded into him.

in case it wasn’t clear, i still don’t care

to conclude, this scene should’ve happened in chapter 2. the book throws us into the action far too quickly, without any buildup to make us see the normal become abnormal, to make us connected with any of the characters who we’re clearly supposed to care for, and does nothing to prove that Nadya really loves the people who look after her. if chapter 1 had started with the prank, sent them to the kitchen to peel potatoes, and ended on the attack beginning, it might’ve been different. i’m always a character reader, so i prefer slower beginnings, but i can sometimes appreciate a fast-paced one. this is not one of those times. 

Myth Responds:

Welp, Kat was both more thorough and more annoyed than me, though we agree that we needed more time with the characters to care as much as the book tells us N/ady/a does. Also the awkward phrasing. This really does feel like it should have come later in the book (second or third chapter, maybe?) just to let us understand life and form a connection with other people. K/osty/a could have been a fully realized character who we mourned. We all know I’m not usually a fan of Look At This Feeling kind of writing, either.

THAT BEING SAID. I’m hopeful and nobody can take that away from me!

Bonus for Tulio gif.

[incorrecttobideiquotes]

yo so i just found ur blog and noticed u said sasodeis dont interact do u mind me asking why? im just genuinely confused and curious, dont mean it in a rude way. is it bc of ship wars and stuff?

Main three reasons why:

One, three s*sodeis ruined my life. One of them hurt me to the point where I can no longer speak in public (it has been 8 years and I still have not been able to overcome this crippling fear) and refused to take responsibility, even going to far as to ridicule me for being insecure. Now, I live with social anxiety.

Two, I thought I came up with it. I am pretty attached to T/ObiDei because I thought I was pretty original to have come up with this ship (I sat in my room trying to come up with new couples to ship after having exhausted my enthusiasm for UlquiHime and NaruHina and came to this magical conclusion that men can be together - once this realization came to be, I immediately thought about Tobi and Deidara) and I thought I was the first one. Two seconds later, after having Googled TobiDei, it’s clear that I am not the only one and the existing artwork and fanfic have only enticed me to go further down the rabbit hole. After having exhausted all existing creations, I demanded more so I took it upon myself to create more for them. That was eight years ago - and in three months, it will be nine.

Three, (and yes,) ship wars. There were more s*sodeis than TobiDeis back then. I ran a deviantART ask account and I got a couple of s*sodeis and anti-TobiDeis making fun of me. I didn’t find many people to interact with me because of existing friendships and “relationships.” I took this as a sign that I must squash all these enemies and show them the greatness of TobiDei, which is far superior to any other ship, especially s*sodei*.

This also leads to a fourth, more driving reason for my personal vendetta against the other ship:

I identify with Tobi. A lot. He got me through my darkest years of secondary school and his name literally saved my life. My nickname IRL is still Tobi after all these years.

Over the years, after having shipped him with Deidara for so long, I developed this strange-ass crush on him. So, it turned into me (feeling as though I am, to some extent, Tobi) shipping myself with Deidara. This happened kind of rapidly, I think. It has to be within two years of first shipping T/ObiDei. (Of course, I did feel a sense of belonging with Tobi the moment he appeared on screen.) I didn’t think I liked Deidara that much back then but my belonging with Tobi kind of made most of the interactions between those Sasori DA ask accounts and Deidara DA ask accounts leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

Now, anything relating to s*sodei makes me feel horrible. Like cheating, you know? So, I’d rather not see that in my notifications. I made efforts to filter out the tags but many leave their s*sodeis untagged. There are also accounts that just have the name in their URL, which isn’t a word I like to read often, and it makes me upset. To some degree, if their account is just s*sodei posts (or blatantly said to be just filled with it), I block them. I like to look at the tags (if any) people put on reblogs and if their other posts are interesting, I might stalk them a bit. If I have to scroll through untagged posts, I’d rather I lose a follower/fan than have to hurt myself because I am too curious for my own good.

All in all, it’s just trauma and bad experiences. Nothing concrete but it makes me feel icky so I’d rather not see it. Make me seem like a bad person or whatever, I don’t care (I actually do!!! I’m all sad now if you think I’m horrible. I thought this was Tumblr where all feelings are valid!!), but understand that it just hurts a lot and I don’t like to feel hurt.

*This is extremely untrue and all ships are equal because most of them are fictional and would not come to be. Real ships that have really set-sailed are on another category.

P.S. Yes, I am aware that blocking is an extreme thing to do but it prevents me from being irrationally angry and it prevents them from being harassed by me if I ever lose control, so I’m protecting both myself and them. They’re not really missing out on much. They can live.

[noxstrix]

ABOUT THE MUN.

hello. i am coyote. my pronouns are she / her and they / them. i am over 21 years old, and a full time college student. i’m a practicing pagan in the real world. i have adhd and anxiety, so i really prefer to reply to drafts selectively and with mutuals only. my classes are mon - thurs  and i tend not to reply very much on those days. because of this i’d call this blog medium activity. as of right now nisa is my only character. i believe everyone has the freedom to say whatever they want on their blogs, within reason, please do not follow me if you are someone who is easily offended.

i know my rules are long, but they are to keep everyone on the same page and to prevent any future discourse from happening on my blog or between us as writers. thank you so much for taking the time to read everything, i sincerely appreciate it !!

TRIGGERING CONTENT / TRIGGER TAGGING.

please exit the page and unfollow right now, if you are under the age of eighteen.

this blog is extremely triggering. i cannot stress this enough. blasphemy is a reoccurring theme. a lot of the content i write here explores  conspiracy theories about the biblical apocalypse, the vatican and its links to illuminati, free masonry, and the ninth circle. if you have ever been curious enough to research on these cults, then you would likely know they are linked to subject matter such as human sacrifices, sex trafficking, murder, pedophilia, etc etc. while i do not promote or condone any of this, there will be frequent mentions in my writing of these topics and i won’t be tagging them. blasphemy will also never be tagged on my blog.

images posted / reposted on this blog are sometimes graphic and contain blood, gore, or melancholy. i will not be trigger tagging anything that does not make me personally uncomfortable. this blog is mine and i can do or post whatever i want on it. however, sometimes i do feel like there’s a line that might be crossed in regards to my followers.

i will be tagging any triggering imagery as  /  horror.  if you wish to add that to your blacklist. additionally if you have any really specific, and legitimate phobias you require me to tag, don’t hesitate to message me privately. all phobias brought to my attention ( ie. spiders, eye gore ) will likely wind up under the blacklist tag   /  trigger.  i will not be tagging anything such as food, or body image.

THE CHARACTER / THEFT.

my character takes basis from biblical, luciferian, satanic, gnostic and jewish mythology. she is lilith’s reincarnation. i however, do change up some of the lore and give it my own ideas and flavors. everything about nisa and lilith, i headcanoned myself. same goes for her partner blog lucian / lucifer ( @antichrstis ). i wrote both of biographies. please do not steal any aspects of either character, or any of my lore regarding their universe, as i worked very hard on their background stories. i will post a call out, if i catch you imitating, copying, or stealing anything. this is your one and only warning.

AGE LIMITS.

because this blog is full of mature, adult content, please do not follow me if you are under the age of eighteen or you cannot maturely handle in character content like profanity, sex, horror, violence, torture, mental or physical abuse. if  either of the words sex or smut bothers you and makes you feel even a little queezy or you have an aversion to it, i definitely  do not suggest following. while i don’t smut often on this blog, it does happen, and when it does, it’s with characters whose writers are over the age of 20. sorry, i personally do not feel comfortable writing smut with muns younger than 20 years of age, i don’t care of 18 is the legal age, this is my personal preference.

additionally, i do not ship my oc against characters whose face claims are under the age of 25. i will not ship her with characters under the age of 23 ( divided by 2 + 7 rule )  that’s creepy to me. not only is nisa thirty one years old, but lilith is older than the earth’s creation. don’t even try to come up with excuses or convince me otherwise because it’s gonna get you hard blocked, you feel me?

MUN =/= MUSE.

nisa’s personal beliefs and actions, are not my own ! please keep ooc and ic separate in this regard. these are works of fiction and this is roleplay. the mun’s personality is not the muses. she’s a bit of a binch sometimes and narcissistic, but just because she is rude and mean to some characters, does not mean i, the mun, feel that way towards you ooc, or towards your character!

CHARACTERIZATION + METAGAMING.

please, please, please, read nisa/lilith’s about pages in full. like every detail, okay? because i am so, so very tired of people approaching her as the stereotypical lilith. or approaching her automatically like she’s a bitch. if you’re a bitch to her first or give her an attitude, you better believe you’re going to get a reply according to that ten fold.

nisa is in essence, a fallen angel / demon, and the creator of witches and supernatural monstrosities, reincarnated. lilith is sometimes interpreted in biblical prophecy as the anti-christ’s partner in crime, which means only god can kill her. you can throw holy water at her, you can torture her, decapitate her, but your character can’t get rid of her.

she is true immortal. if you are going to pick a fight with her, pick your battle wisely, because she will not hesitate to use her magic or destroy your character to make a point. i do not hold her characterization back for any reason, so when you find yours flying across the room or pinned on a ceiling, don’t be surprised.

also bear in mind she has the ability to see people’s pasts and future, to pick up on their emotions, insecurities, and decipher personal things about them. i always read character’s backgrounds first to get an idea, and sometimes dig through headcanons pages for some juice. unless your character is a witch or supernatural being who has taken precautions spiritually or magically to block anyone from doing so at any given time,  don’t be surprised if this happens. i analyze your subtext as well, so anything your character is feeling or any vibes they’re giving off may or may not additionally not be picked up on.

if you read this and you’re thinking “lol overpowered, mary sue,” don’t follow me. it’s that simple. all of the powerful / evil characters you hate to love on television are mary sues when you strip away the lime light media.  i suggest taking a look in the mirror and getting off your high horse when it comes to your attitude towards original characters, kay? awesome.

GOD MODDING.

ah yes, god modding. please don’t do it to my character unless discussed first, or unless you are sending me a starter! starters are the only situation i let people gently god mod in, because i know it can be difficult writing threads out of thin air.

do not undermine evil or magically powerful characters. i think most of us have been around the rpc long enough to have seen the psa going around on tumblr about this. it’s truly frustrating, when you have someone’s human character or any being capable of dying, repetitively poking a villain with a sharp stick, and then getting all butt-hurt when the other person replies accordingly with negative consequences for their muse.

because my character is an immortal, with nearly all magical abilities, i am going to be honest with you. if your character does anything threatening towards nisa/lilith, or anything which might provoke her to harm yours, i will god mode in my reply. again, pick your battles wisely. this only happens if your character does something to deserve it. there will be no ’ attempts made ’ because  if they are human, she can literally begin choking them from across the room, melting their brain, breaking their bones, setting them on fire, or instantly kill them with a tap on their shoulder, if she chooses.

if your character is supernaturally based and has magical powers, etc, i will message you first and give you a heads up so we can discuss how we want their fight to end and which direction to go in. every attack on your supernatural character will be attempted. in counter, if your character wants to engage in a magical battle or some sort of violent fight with mine, i hope you will respect me the same way and message me before hand.

ENGAGING / INTERACTING WITH MY CHARACTER.

this blog is mutuals only! if i don’t follow you please do not send me random memes, or anything unprompted. also please do not like any of my starter calls or reply to my open starters. if i don’t follow you back, please don’t feel bad! it is most likely because i don’t see her interacting with your character, you post too much ooc, or i already follow too many of a certain muse. i am ocd about what is on my dash. i have adhd so a fast and clustered or disorganized dash does give me anxiety!

with that out of the way, any mutuals, whether we have or haven’t interacted, are always welcome to send nisa/lilith random starters, dialogue one liners, crack, memes, headcanon questions, etc. there is no limit as to how you can interact with me or how you want to. if you feel like interacting with nisa, feel confident that you can just do it and don’t hesitate !!!!! none of you will or could ever annoy me tbh.

SOFT / HARD BLOCKING / UNFOLLOWING.

this blog practices both soft blocking and hard blocking. if i soft block you and you try re-following, i hard block. i do this to protect myself, and to protect my creative freedom on my blog. i don’t owe anyone an explanation. if i see frequent call outs, callout reblogs, vague posts, or negativity on your blog, i will not hesitate to block you as i see fit. please keep your ooc political views off my dash. i really don’t give a shit, since i’m here to roleplay.  

if you think i might have unfollowed you on accident  ( bc lets be real the mobile app is really trash and my thumbs are clumsy ) please unfollow and then refollow me to alert me of my mistake. my tumblr msgs are currently for mutuals only, so that’s the easiest way to get my attention.

SHIPPING / SMUT.

as far as shipping is concerned, this blog only engages in pre-plotted ships. all  pre-plotted ships will get their own verse.

nisa is a complicated character and she is demiromantic. she isn’t really a flings kind of person and i bet you’re thinking ’ lol but it’s lilith ’ and yeah, that’s true, but just because the bible  called her a whore, doesn’t mean she is one. i’d really like to point out that they gave her that image because she disobeyed adam and god, whom are both men. did i also mention that the bible and rabbinical story of lilith, was written by men?

okay, great. now, we’re on the same page. many pagan practices and religions believe that periods of celibacy are a good thing, and actually makes witches more powerful, because sexual energy is powerful. before nisa accepts her fate of being lilith’s reincarnation, she does this frequently, as well as fasts, so that her various uses of magic, or that her visions, have an amplified effect.

in contrast, sometimes celibacy gets to be too much and she needs to actually release that tension and craves companionship, so one night stands, and flings are more likely to happen over romantic ships. she is flirty by nature and sometimes touchy-feely, this does not mean, however, that she wants to engage in sexual relations with your character.

i will only write with / ship with one lucifer, and that is @antichrstis in her main verse.

if your character is feeling nisa, or you view her character as someone yours might want to romantically ship with, and you would like it to happen, please feel free to message me andwe can discuss verse arcs and details ! don’t let what was previously mentioned above deter you.

i briefly mentioned smut earlier in my rules, but this is a reminder that i will not smut with anyone under age 20 or any muses whose fcs are under age 25.

DISCORD / TUMBLR MSGS.

if we’re mutuals, message me at your leisure! if you would like my discord, it is available upon request. i am open to ooc chit - chatting and plotting. i like making friends and getting to know people, so don’t be shy!

[drferox]

20 questions with Dr Ferox #1

Greeting Vetlings. This post is an attempt to chew through some of the many, many questions I have received over the last 2 months without spamming you with two dozen mini post. These questions are in no particular order, and I’ve tagged the asker if I know who it is. If you’re waiting for a question to be answered, it might be below.

@surskitty​ asked: What are your favorite marsupials?

Well, I certainly have lots to chose from, but I’m particularly fond of the carnivorous ones. Numbats, Quolls and Tassie Devils will always be special to me, but I really like the extinct Thylacine and Thylacaleo too.

Anonymous asked: Hey so theres this theory that giving extremely dark chocolate in small amounts to a rat is helpful with the chronic respiratory issues endemic to rats bc of mycoplasma. What do you think about the accuracy of that scientifically? I came for the vet cases/ funny stories, stayed for both!   

I can’t say I’ve used it, but it’s not a standard recommendation. Rats being generalists may be able to handle the theobromine in chocolate better than small carnivores but I can’t find any solid data on it. Small amounts in moderation are probably ok.

Another Anonymous asked: Hi dr. Ferox, I'm planning on getting a gecko this July so that I have plenty of time to get set up and do even more research on them. One of the things that I'm curious about is if you would consider it a good idea to call around and ask some of the vets that I'm considering taking my gecko to see their level of familiarity and comfort with treating reptiles like geckos?  If so then what are some other things that I should ask them about? Thanks in advance!            

It’s definitely a good idea to call around and ask who is comfortable treating geckos, or any exotic pet. Most clinics will know who the local exotics vets are and are happy to refer such patients on. It would also be a good idea to ask which emergency clinics are set up for reptile patients, as some will have better setups than others. You should also ask how much you should budget for routine care and how often they recommend that species comes in for a checkup.

@zaryaisbae​ asked: I have an old Russian Blue (around 13ish, he's 100% indoors and declawed (adopted him that way) and probably a little overweight. He still seems to get around really well, and occasionally plays with the younger kitten we have. Given adequate care and accommodation, how many years would an average case like him have left? (Came for the rant on time sensitive questions, stayed for the excellent veterinary information)

Russian Blue cats can do old age quite well, for a relatively uncommon cat I’ve seen a few reach 18 years of age. I would recommend regular blood or urine tests for my patients of this age as early detected of kidney disease and hyperthyroidism can help them live longer.

Anonymous asked: I might be adopting a little doggy soon!!! She's a sweet australian shepherd/ spaniel cross and I love her. She'll likely become my service dog, but she's currently being treated for heartworm. Are there any long lasting effects of heartworms? Could it be recurring?

Dogs can certainly be re-infected with heartworm even after they’ve been treated for an infection. It’s important that dogs stay on preventatives as recommended by your local vet, they’re most likely to know what’s working well in your area. Heartworm is spread by mosquitoes so your dog doesn’t even need to come into contact with other dogs to get them. It is possible for heartworm infection to cause permanent damage to the heart or blood vessels, but this will likely depend on how severe the infection is. Once a dog is treated they may show no ill effects from the previous infection.

@petitevetoespagnole​ asked: Recently I realize that the idea of what a cat has to eat change a lot between countries. I know mostly it's because I work in a rural environment and I'm good as long as my French cats have cat food (and I'm happy if it's actually the type of cat food they need) but I thought it could be interesting to know what's your experience on this.

Emotion is a significant factor in what and how people feed their pets. Cats are more or less the same everywhere but how they are valued and perceived by society will differ. For some a cat will be their furbaby. For others a cat is ‘just a cat’.

@doctorrichardstrand​ asked: question tax: came for the breed analyses, stayed for the mythical creature analyses. we recently found out my miniature schnauzer has an abdominal tumor. we're not sure yet if it's benign or cancerous, nor where it is actually coming from. i was wondering what the rate of cancer is in miniature schnauzers? i had thought it was fairly low.            

Well, just because a breed doesn’t have a reputation for cancers doesn’t mean they can’t get them. They don’s seem to commonly get them, but it’s still possible. Overall the rate of cancer in dogs (not including benign lumps like lipomas) seems to be approximately 30%.

Yet another Anomymous asked: Do you see many Manchester terriers in Australia? What do you think of them if you've worked with them before 

Not enough to write anything meaningful about them, I’m afraid.

A presumably different Anonymous asked: I've heard mixed things from vets about mixing Baytril with baby food etc so my rats are more willing to take it. Some vets have recommended it but other vets have said it's unwise. (I've avoided mixing it just to be safe.) Is this a controversial thing in the vet community and why is it advised you don't mix it?            

I think it’s more a matter of being confident the rat has eaten the entire dose. The local exotics vets often use a particular brand of sweetened syrup to mix with baytril for rats and parrots. I don’t think it’s a controversial thing, so long as you can be confident the rat is getting the dose.

@its-animalcrazy-love asked: Hello! Do you now where I can learn to read a blood sample and other kind of lab tests?            

Well the vet course in the obvious answer. Certain text books about clinical pathology will have quick summaries. Certain medicine text books (Ettinger?) had charts on the inside covers for quick reference and the 5 Minute Veterinary Guide has reference ranges for just about everything in an appendix at the back. However knowing the reference ranges wont help you if you don’t understand why something is abnormal and what it means for the patient.

Anonymous asked: So noses don't tell anything but what about how soft the fur is? I've always heard that for cats, if their hair is soft and smooth, they're pretty healthy. Is there anything to that?

Not really. If the fur is soft and smooth it tells you that the fur is soft and smooth. Certain disease processes will cause changes to the coat and skin, but these typically take weeks or months to manifest and are not helpful for determining whether a pet is sick today.

@mackthebulldog said: The obsessive foot licking My dog does like crazy. I bring it up almost ever time I'm at the vet(I've seen 3 for it). It's so bad his paws will get like hairy almost because he's breaking down the paw. One vet put him on this medicine to try to help thinking he was licking because it was a bit inflamed and red. When it went away he still did. It's so frustrating. When he comes in I wipe his paws and put socks on when he licks too much. They think he's OCD, any advice on how to curb this behavior

Generally pets are licking due to itch, pain or psychological reasons like stress. Obsessive compulsive behavior is rare but does occur. We can’t ask a dog how it’s feeling, so typically need to treat any possible skin pathology, allergy or nail bed infection (yeast being very common) before we commit to a trial of behavior modifying mediation (like anti-depressants or anxiolytics). Covering up or blocking the dog from licking doesn’t necessarily help because it doesn’t address the reason for the behavior, and if you block an obsessive dog from performing its behavior it will often become distressed. Distraction toys or puzzle feeders can help, but most of these dogs need medical intervention of some sort.

An additional Anonymous asked: Do you do much work with wildlife? In the US, it seems like most people who work with wildlife are wildlife rehabilitators (who might be vets but usually aren't--it's a separate licensing process) or zoo vets, not general practice vets. (Although wildlife rehabbers usually have a vet that they work with, for medication and injuries and such--in my state, it's required that you have a vet who will work with you/see your animals--the majority of rehabilitation does not happen with the vet.)            

General practices in Australia will typically triage wildlife, and some will treat them further. Wildlife carers often have preferred vets they will go to for anything other than first aid because those vets are more experienced or have better equipment for those species (or give good discounts). You’re not actually allowed to house a wild animal unless you are a licensed career or the animal is receiving direct veterinary treatment, and most vets are not also licensed carers. In my current jobs I will do some work with wildlife, including euthanizing those that are too mangled or sick, and sending the rest to a better facility. In my previous jobs I have done a lot more, particularly as one vet at my first job had a reputation for being the ‘raptor vet’ so we got to see a fair birds of prey. This is why I know they’re easier to handle with a sock over their head.

@gram-stained-paws said: Rookie vet asking a silly question: how much water should a dog and a cat drink per day and at what point should it be considered polydipsia? What guideline do you follow when you establish it? I've read so many different answers to this question and I would like to know your opinion.

There is possibly only one thing that counts as a silly question, and this was not it. Opinions will vary, and the answer will vary depending on the animal’s diet and how much water it’s ‘eating’. As a ballpark I call it polydipsia if a dog is drinking more than 100ml/kg/day or a cat drinking more than 50ml/kg/day, although if they’re getting close to this number I’m a bit suspicious and will recommend further testing. And unexpected increase in water intake may also count as polydipsia.

The eighth Anonymous (but certainly not the last) asked: As a vet, or as an animal person, or as someone who just seems really into weird and cool and strange biology (and dinosaurs) do you have any thoughts on Jack Horner and his chickenosaurus?

I think the chickenosaurus project is fascinating, but I’m not sure how far it will get off the ground. I doubt they’ll be able to completely reverse engineer a dinosaur-like animal out of a chicken embryo because some genetic information has likely been lost, but they will probably be able to get some dinosaur like traits. I’m waiting to see how long it will take before those chickens reach the pet market.

@what-will-they-do-next asked: Hi! I know the pyometra is a serious, life threatening condition for intact female dogs, and is caused by the infection of the uterus which causes it to fill up with pus and rupture causing septic shock. But what I don't really know is what usually causes the initial infection of the uterus in the first place. Could you explain that? Question Tax: came for the vet science, stayed for the personal stories of real life events.

Infection can enter the uterus and cause a pyometra in one of two ways. It can either reach the uterus via the blood stream (eg septicemia, bacteraemia secondary to rotten teeth) or from bacteria entering via the vagina. The second way is probably more common, increasingly so with the age of the dog, because a dog spends most of its time with its anus directly above its vulva when standing so gravity helps bring fecal contamination in where it shouldn’t be.

Anonymous asked: Do you have any experience with allerpet products? I'm curious to know if they actually work and wether or not they're actually healthy to use on a pet. Particularly a cat.

They talk a good talk, and probably don’t do any harm, but aren’t proven to be any more helpful than a regular pet shampoo. I do note they also recommend that after the allerpet product is applied, the cat should be dried and they suggest a hairdryer. You are welcome to tell me how washing the cat and drying it with a hair dryer works out.

@missnoodliness asked: Saw you treated pocket pets (rabbits and the like). 1st year vet student here wondering if you had any good texts you'd recommend, anatomical or otherwise.

I printed all my uni notes and had them bound. I also reference the BSAVA Manual of Rabbit Medicine and Surgery, and Ferret Husbandry, Medicine and Surgery by Lewington, 2nd edition. Keep in mind there are not nearly as many ‘exotic’ animals kept in Australia as there are in the USA. We don’t even have hamsters.

Definitely not the last Anonymous asked: Why do octopus' have ink sacs?

Because they do. Evolution doesn’t have a plan, it just runs with what works. A little bit of ink goes a long way in obscuring vision in the water so an octopus can escape or hide.

And the last Anonymous of the day asked: Hi Dr! What's your favourite animal? Mine are bears 😊

I have lots of favorite animals. I even have favorite parasites (demodex). I really can’t choose just one for you, but some of my favorites include fossa, whale shark, kookaburras, tawny frogmouths, foxes, ducks and just about every domestic species.