#the pilot is SO good. opening with little poly.... choice of all time

[brotherconstant]

FOUNDATION ➤ Timestamp Roulette 1x01 The Emperor's Peace 🧡 @rocicrew 🧡

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [58]

xiii. praimfaya 

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: angst, mentions of radiation sickness/poisoning, injuries, stitching up wounds.

Summary: the end is near, praimfaya approaches. a last minute plan to go to space leaves your small group scrambling to get ready in time. 

a/n: IT’S HERE THE FINALE IS HERE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK BC IT HELPS ME A LOT TO DETERMINE IF THERE IS INTEREST IN SUB ROSA CONTINUING!!! OKAY I LOVE YOU LITTLE MOONS!!! the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

March 21st, 2150; Becca’s Lab; less than 2 hours until Praimfaya

The planning that goes into sending 9 people into space is a lot more intense than you expected. You spend the next couple of hours trying to figure everything out, get the rocket modified, and informing those in the bunker of your plans. Right now, you are in the office with Bellamy, sitting near the radio, talking to Octavia. He just told her everything, down to the smallest of your plans, letting her know exactly what challenges you’re facing, and she seems surprised that you’re even doing this. “Five years. Can you really survive up there?”

“Raven says we can. As soon as it's safe, we'll find a way back down. We will meet again.”

“I'll be waiting…” She pauses, giving the moment a dramatic effect before finishing, “Under the floor.”

“You're not that little girl anymore.” He sits back, waiting for her response, met with nothing but silence. He glances at you and then over to the radio, his brotherly instincts kicking in. “What is it, O?”

“I'm not sure I'm up for this, Bell. They look at me like I know what I'm doing, just because I won a fight.”

“They look at you like that because you saved them, but it won't last. Now you have to lead.”

“How? I'm not a leader. It should be you or one of the twins or-”

He cuts her off, nipping the insecurity in the bud. “O, stop. None of us could've done what you did, and it wasn't just winning a fight. You gave people hope when there was none. You're Prometheus, stealing fire from the gods and giving it back to the human race.”

You smile at your history nerd, proud of his metaphor, and Octavia jokes, “Prometheus got chained to a rock so that eagles could eat his liver.”

“Thanks for ruining my metaphor, O.”

You and Bellamy laugh, and you can hear Octavia laughing on the other end before she gets serious again. “I love you, big brother. Guess it takes the end of the world for me to say it.”

He drops his head, and you can see him fighting back tears, after weeks of desperately wanting to hear the words from his little sister. “I love you, too.”

He lets go of the button, and a static that wasn't there before comes through, growing louder and quieter every few seconds. Bellamy looks at the radio in confusion, and then fear, as he questions, “O? Hey, O, are you there?”

When she doesn't answer, he fiddles with the dials, and you stand from your chair nearby and come to settle beside him on the couch, placing your hand on his thigh as he repeats, “Are you there, O?”

When nothing comes through, he drops his head again, the tears threatening to fall, before he pushes them away and whispers, “May we meet again.”

You echo, “May we meet again.”

The door to the office opens and Clarke steps inside, looking happy, blissfully unaware that the radio cut out before you could talk to your mom. She smiles at you, “Hey, do they have her?”

“The radio's dead, we won't get to say goodbye to mom.”

Her face falls at your words and you stand and walk over to her, pulling her into a hug as she starts to cry. You comfort her, feeling your own wash of sadness, and you feel Bellamy place his hand on your shoulder, allowing you to draw strength from him. The moment doesn't last for long though, because Murphy yells from down in the lab, “Twins of Terror, Bellamy, get down here!”

You all run out of the office and down the stairs into the lab, stopping beside the others to watch the giant screens in front of you. One of Becca’s drones is situated outside of Polis, filming the tower, and in the background you can see Praimfaya approaching, the large, fiery death wave barreling towards the tower. You reach out and grab Bellamy’s and Clarke’s hands, all three of you connected as you watch the death wave cover the tower, before it knocks out the drone itself, ending the signal. 

Your stomach drops as the transmission ends, aware that now, all 9 of you are well and truly alone, with no help or assistance coming from your friends and family. Raven stares at the blank screen, her voice a horrified whisper. “It's 210 miles from Polis to the island. According to what was our last drone, the wave is accelerating.”

This new challenge hits her, making her think, and she starts to whisper a list of things that need to be done for this mission to be successful. “If we're not off the ground at least 20 minutes before it hits, the electromagnetic charge in the pyroclastic cloud will shut down the rocket's avionics, meaning it won't fly. That gives us 90 minutes to run a 6 hour preflight check, retrieve the oxygen generator from the lighthouse, turn a cockpit designed for two into one that can carry 9, and load the cargo hold with enough food to keep us from starving in space while we wait for algae to bloom.”

Murphy quips, “I thought you said it was gonna be hard.”

“That's not the hard part. Becca designed her rocket to dock with Polaris, not the Ark. That means I have to pilot it into the hangar bay on the ring.”

Harper looks towards Raven, shaking her head in confusion. “What's so hard about that?”

“That's not the hard part, either.”

Clarke starts to grow exasperated and she looks over at Raven. “What is the hard part, Raven?”

“Assuming we blast off in time, CO2 scrubbers on a two person rocket won't support 9 of us.”

You shrug, “So, we use supplemental oxygen.”

Monty informs you, and the group, what makes that a challenge. “Our tanks only hold an hour of air.”

“Correct. We'll have one hour to get into orbit, land in the hangar bay, and fire up the life support system using an oxygen generator built to supply a lighthouse bachelor pad.”

Murphy looks over at Raven and deadpans, “You suck at talking people into things. You know that, right?”

“Anyone here still need to be talked into this?” Bellamy looks around at everyone, waiting for each of you to shake your head no before he looks at Raven. “Good. Now we know the many ways we might die today, why don't you tell us what we have to do to live?”

Raven turns to the monitor and pulls up a 90 minute timer for all of you to keep an eye on, before she starts to hand out assignments. “Monty and Murphy, I need the two of you to go to the lighthouse bunker and get the oxygen generator.”

She hands them the tools they’ll need and the two boys nod and quickly begin their journey. Raven turns to Harper, Emori, and Echo. “I need you three to help me get the rocket ready, run the preflight check, and pack up the food.”

They nod, awaiting further instruction, before she turns and looks over at you, Bellamy, and Clarke. “I need you to go over the plans again, thoroughly, and make sure all the calculations are correct. Otherwise, this is all for nothing. Everything is up top on the next level of the lab.”

She points you to where you need to go, and all three of you immediately head there and start to comb over the plans, schematics, and data laid out before you, ensuring everything seems correct. You’ve run through it at least three times before Bellamy gets distracted, and walks away from the table, looking out over the lab, over to where the others are preparing the rocket. You look over at him, watching him, as Clarke begins again. “So, let's go over this again. I figure two months until the algae farm produces enough food to feed us. If we ration the MREs, we should get there.”

She looks over at you and Bellamy, realizing you’re not listening, and she sighs. “I’m going to take a break. Be back in a few.”

You nod and watch as she heads towards the stairs into the main part of the lab, and you walk over to where Bellamy is standing at the railing, nervously tapping his fingers. When he sees you approach, he smiles, and shakes his head in disbelief. “Grounders in space, it's an oxymoron.”

“It was the only choice.” You smile and shrug, “Only choice, also an oxymoron, by the way.”

He turns towards you, eyes anxiously scanning over you, the way he seems to do every hour since you coughed up blood in the snow. He runs his hand over the top of your head, to the sweat gathered there, and pulls a face. “So is cold sweat. I’m still holding out hope for that Nightblood solution.”

“Seems like there was never any solution. I guess Alie was right about that.”

“Hey, Our fight isn't over, not yet.”

You shrug again, thinking of your mom’s vision that she seems so convinced of. Clarke seems to feel the same way, because every mention of it leaves her worried. “My mom had a vision of me and Clarke dying, apparently just like the one Raven had that told her there was a rocket here.” 

“It is not the same thing.”

“Maybe not. But they were both EMP'd.”

“Abby will be fine, Raven told her how to stop it.”

You shake your head, Bellamy still not understanding. Maybe you’ve evaded Death too many times before and this really is it. If it is, not many people get the chance to say goodbye to the love of their life, and you’re starting to feel like you should take this rare opportunity and remind him how you feel. “That's not what I'm talking about. If anything happens to me-”

He immediately cuts you off, not wanting to hear this conversation. “Nothing is happening to you.”

He tries to walk away, deflecting, distracting, motioning towards the charts on the table. “Come on, let's run these water numbers again.”

You reach out and grab his hand, your voice and expression pleading. “Please, Bellamy, I need you to hear this.”

You wait and he nods, letting you know he’ll give you this one goodbye. You take a deep breath and begin, “You and I have been through a lot together. The moment I met you in the halls of the Ark, I thought you were an asshole. That didn't change once we got to the ground, but somehow, someway, I found myself hating you less and less with each passing day. I never would have thought that the guy that threatened me my first day on the ground would turn out to be the love of my life, but I’m so glad you are. I’m so thankful for every second that I’ve gotten to spend with you. I have loved seeing you grow from a selfish asshole into a caring leader, always willing to do anything to save his people. I trust you, I trust your heart, I trust your decisions. The only thing I ask, is that you watch your emotions, check on how you feel. Sometimes your heart rules you, my stormy love, and you make rash decisions based on how you feel. Step back, evaluate everything, and do what’s best for everyone. That’s how we’ll survive, that’s how we’ll deserve to survive.”

Tears well up in his eyes as you talk to him, eventually spilling down his cheeks as you say what might be your last goodbye. He pulls you towards him, into a kiss, pushing his feelings into it. You feel his wet tears graze your cheeks as he reminds you of his love for you, making sure you never forget that you have his heart and that he’s better for it. When he pulls away, you realize that you’re now crying too, suddenly faced with the idea that you don't want to die, you don't want to be without him. But sometimes, these things lie in the lap of the gods, and you can't control it. If Death is coming for the Bringer of Death, then so be it. 

Unfortunately, a soft moment can never stay a soft moment on the ground, because chaos always strikes at some point. This moment is no exception, as a giant zapping sound comes from inside the rocket, followed by Raven’s loud cry of anger. You and Bellamy turn to look at the rocket in alarm before you run down the stairs, meeting up with Clarke at the bottom before you run over to the rocket and peek inside, looking down at Raven who is waving smoke away from her head. “Raven, what is it?”

“Oh, there isn't enough time. We're pushing too hard.”

Bellamy shakes his head, giving her a concerned look. “What's happening?”

She ignores him and calls out, “Computer, systems check.”

“Launch system...optimal. Navigation system...optimal. Life support system...assessing damage.”

Raven waves off the worry she sees crossing your faces. “It's okay, we're using supplemental, anyway.”

“All life support systems are offline.”

She nods, holding a finger up at the three of you. “Just wait, two more.”

“Landing system...optimal. Communication system...assessing damage.” She drops her head, looking slightly worried as she awaits the verdict. “All communication systems are offline.”

“Recommend repair options for communication system.”

Harper looks her way, not understanding your pilot’s worry. “Who cares? There's no one to talk to, anyway.”

“Quiet.”

“Damage is beyond repair. Total system replacement required.”

Raven sits frozen in place, staring off into the distance, and Bellamy looks at her, concerned. “Talk to us, Raven.”

“We're not going anywhere.” She looks over at the fried panel, before she storms out of the rocket, yelling at the computer as she leaves, “Computer, terminate launch sequence.”

You, Bellamy, and Clarke exchange a worried look before you all hurry after her, and Harper, Emori, and Echo join you as you come to a stop around Raven. She’s staring down at a tablet in her hand, and you try to get her attention. “Raven, explain.”

“It's simple, there's no power in the ring. Two minutes ago, I thought it wasn't a problem because I could activate it remotely.”

Clarke nods her head, starting to understand. “Over the rocket's comms system.”

Bellamy shrugs, and tries to offer a solution, “So we turn the power on from the inside. “

“We can't get inside, that's the point. Without power, we can't even open the hangar door.”

Clarke steps closer to her, trying to diffuse the situation. “Raven, think. You've solved bigger problems than this before.”

“Oh, yeah, not in 53 minutes.”

“Raven-”

She cuts her off, plopping down onto the stairs to the rocket with defeat. “It's over, Clarke! You know, maybe if I still had Alie's code eating away at my brain, I could figure it out. I'm not smart enough myself.”

Clarke turns around, looking lost at what to say, and you all turn to Bellamy, knowing he’s the best at pep talks. He accepts the role and sits down beside Raven, his voice soft. “Raven, you can do this. How many times have you saved our asses before you ever even heard of Alie?”

“Too many to count.”

“You're damn right. We don't need Alie on the Ark, we need you.” Something about his words stop her falling tears, and she stares at him, clearly working through something in her head. “What?”

She jumps up very suddenly, pacing around your small group. “Alie was on the Ark, Alie was on the Ark! I was right there, so close to the kill switch, but she got away by transmitting herself to the ring.”

Emori nods, remembering. “Using the pod in the temple.”

“Yes! If she can do it, so can we.”

You look at her, not sure how she expects to get to the pod in the temple. “Raven, we'll never make it back to Polis on time, and the radios are dead.”

“We have something better than radios: the satellite tower.” She turns and points to Echo, Emori, and Harper. “You three, back in the cockpit, finish those restraints.”

They immediately follow her directions and climb back into the rocket, and she turns to you, Clarke, and Bellamy. “You three, helmets on. You're with me.”

She starts to walk away, but she remembers there's one last thing to do first. “Computer, resume launch sequence!”

“Resuming launch sequence.”

She grabs her helmet and the three of you grab yours, following her out of the lab and to the surface, her tablet still in hand, and she stops outside in the snow, pointing to the tower in the distance. “The tower's less than a mile away. All you have to do is plug this into the junction box at the base of the tower. Sat-Star-One is the name of the dish.”

She hands the tablet to Clarke, and you repeat back, “Sat-Star-One.”

“Everything is set. Once the tablet is connected, the dish will align itself with the Ark. The graphic will flash green, and that's how you know it's locked on. When it says 'send', you hit send, and the power up signal will turn on the lights, and that's it. Are there any questions?”

She finishes her instruction with a smile, leaving the three of you a little unsettled given the gravity of the situation. “Yeah, why are you smiling?”

“Because without comms, even with the power on, we still can't open the hangar bay door from inside the rocket.”

Bellamy shakes his head, his helmet shifting slightly from the movement. “Wait. How is that a good thing?”

Clarke connects the dots first. “She gets to take her space walk.”

Movement behind Raven pulls all of your eyes in that direction, watching as an orange suited figure climbs over the snow and runs towards you, struggling with a large machine part in their hands. You all run towards them, recognizing Murphy, who puts the machine down at your feet as you look around for the other man he was with. “Murphy, where's Monty?”

Murphy glances up at Bellamy, struggling to catch his breath. “He's in trouble, he had to expose his hands. He passed out. If we go back now, we can get to him.”

Bellamy looks over at you, expression worried and Murphy quips, “You can be impressed with me later, we gotta go.”

Raven picks up on the indecision in the group, turning to tell Bellamy, “Aligning the dish is a two person job at best, the twins can handle it. Harper will help me with the generator. Go!”

They start to run off, the ticking countdown making all of you too anxious and too eager. You call out to Bellamy before he gets too far, “Bellamy-”

He spins around, practically buzzing with nervous energy. “If this is one of those moments where you tell me to stop and think-”

You cut him off, “No, I was just gonna say, hurry. And that I love you.”

The words never fail to soften him, and ease some of his anxiety. “I love you more than the stars. See you in a few.”

You nod and he turns and runs into the woods, following Murphy, and you watch them until they’re out of sight as Raven hands Clarke a pack. “Monty's pack, everything's inside. It's gonna take you a good 10 minutes to get back from the tower and down to the cockpit. You have to leave that tower with 10 minutes on the clock or you'll both be left behind.”

Clarke tries to hide the anxiety in her voice, but fails as she checks her timer and sees 25 minutes on the countdown. “Ten minutes, we got this.”

You give Raven one last look, “Any last advice?”

“Yeah, run fast.”

And that’s all she has to say to push you and Clarke into gear. The two of you take off running towards the tower, ignoring the struggle of running in the snow in clunky suits. You can feel your earlier radiation poisoning wanting to slow you down, but you ignore it, determined to make it there and back in time. Your path takes you to the top of a small hill, the tower just at the bottom of it, and you lift your timer to check the time. “Eleven minutes.”

You and Clarke exchange a worried look before you scramble down the small hill to the panel of the tower, and you pull it open while Clarke grabs the tablet from the pack. You scan the names, looking for the right one, excited when you see it. “Sat-Star-One!”

You point to the right outlet and she plugs the cord in, both of you looking towards the tablet with excitement. But your excitement turns to frustration when the computer beeps, “Dish not aligned. Dish not aligned.”

“What did we do wrong?!”

“I don't know, radio for help!”

Clarke grabs the radio from the pack and frantically calls out, “Raven, please say that you can hear me. Something went wrong. We did everything you said, but it wouldn't-” Something on the door of the panel catches her eye and she reads outloud, “Manual operation? You've got to be kidding me.”

You both look up the tower, to the very top, where the dish is situated, before you exchange a look, knowing what you have to do. When you check the time on your countdown, it’s ten minutes on the dot. If both of you want to survive, you have to leave now. But if you leave now, you’ll all die in space, unable to get in the Ark. Clarke pushes the radio into your hand and starts to unplug the tablet, “Get back to the rocket, I’ll meet you there.”

“No, I’m not leaving you!”

“If you don’t, you’ll die!”

You grab her hand, holding her in place. “Mom’s vision had both of us dying. If this is it, then this is it. No avoiding it now. Stronger together.”

“Stronger together.” She repeats it back to you, accepting this, before she moves over to the ladder and starts to climb. Before you follow her, you lift the radio. “Bellamy...if you can hear me, don't wait. I love you, so so much.”

You run over to the ladder and start to climb up behind your twin, watching as you climb higher and higher. Each rung that brings you higher into the sky brings you a better glimpse of the approaching death wave, growing more terrifying the higher you get. Each time your arms move to pull you higher, you get a glimpse of the countdown, and when you’re halfway up, you whisper, “Oso gonplei ste odon.”

Our fight is over. Finally, the two of you reach the top, just as the timer on your wrist starts to beep, signaling that you’re out of time. Less than a minute later, you hear a sound tearing through the air, followed closely by the rocket, launching into the sky. You and Clarke both watch it, left behind, and you feel emotion start to grab you and choke you. Clarke reaches out and squeezes your hand, reminding you, “They’re not safe yet. Not until we get the power on.”

You nod and turn towards the control panel, watching as Clarke plugs in the tablet again, the computer repeating, “Dish not aligned. Dish not aligned.”

Clarke smacks the side of the panel, growing frustrated, “Come on, turn!”

She looks up at the dish, and you catch onto her line of thinking, already reaching towards the ladder that will take you up to the satellite. “Tell me where to go, Clarke!”

You climb up to the dish and start to pull it towards you, the satellite pointing into the sky. You hear it make a clicking sound, and you look down at Clarke, who calls out, “Good, now push it forward!”

You do as she says, pushing the satellite forward, pointing it towards the ground, until you hear another click. You look down for more direction, and she yells, “Pull it back again!”

You pull it back again, using all of your strength to get it as far back as possible, until you hear the third and final click. When you look down at Clarke, she screams, “Yes! Dish aligned!”

You lower yourself back down to her, just as she hits the send button. The two of you watch the green bar load, the message taking an agonizingly long time to send, until finally it goes through, a small little message popping up in the corner. “Sent!”

Both of you hug the best you can given the suits still on your body, pulling away when you realize the growing roar of something fast approaching. You look out towards the sky again, the death wave now horrifyingly close, and the two of you exchange a terrified look before Clarke yells, “Go, go, go!”

The two of you scramble down the ladder faster than you thought was humanly possible, running and stumbling through the snow, trying to escape Praimfaya, which seems to stay right at your backs. As you near the lab, the death wave roaring right behind you, Clarke stumbles and falls, the distinct sound of breaking glass heard as she hits the ground. You reach out for her and grab her, and at the same time she tries to jump to her feet, causing the two of you to collide in an awkward way, the broken glass of her helmet tearing into the left suit of your arm. You let out a cry of pain, the glass cutting into your skin, before both of you clamp a hand over your exposed areas and take off running again, nearly at the door to the lab. 

The death wave seems to overtake you both as you reach the door, and Clarke pulls it open, stumbling inside. You run in after her, pulling the door closed, both of you slipping and sliding inside on wet, snowy shoes. Clarke stumbles to the table you were running numbers at less than two hours earlier, and she tugs off her helmet, instantly coughing up blood. Her face is covered in lesions, red and angry, and she stumbles once, before falling to the ground, unconscious. You run over to her and try to lift her, but the movement tugs on your arm, forcing you to cry out in pain. You check and make sure Clarke’s still breathing before you do anything else, and once you’re sure she’s still alive, you pull yourself from your suit, screaming as the suit takes some of your skin with it. 

The cut on your arm definitely needs stitches, black blood dripping from the wound and running over the lesions on your arm, and you fumble around for a first aid kit, already feeling weak and sick. You sob with pain the entire time you stitch up your arm, doing the best you can as the stitches tug and pull on the fragile skin. Finally, once the wound is closed, the last bit of your energy spent, you lay back on the ground beside Clarke, lightheaded from radiation, blood loss, and pain. And as unconsciousness creeps up on you slowly, reaching out to drag you under, you look up at the ceiling, imagining the sky above, the Ark floating across it. Just as the darkness starts to take you, you whisper, “In this lifetime, and in the next.”

Somewhere in the sky, swimming amongst the stars, Bellamy Blake stands in the viewing window of the Ark, staring down at the Earth below, covered in a toxic death wave. Tears fall down his face, thinking of the love of his life, swallowed whole by radiation, and he chokes out, “Forever.”

-

next chapter

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG Post Games Nesri Part 5

Tagging: @ratracechronicler (also thanks for Elvira and Rebecca!), @maple-writes (also thanks for Asher and Cirrus!), @nightskywriter, @rhikasa, @pen-of-roses (also thanks for Rowan!), @aeslin-writes, @the-moving-finger-writes, @knmartinshouldbewriting, @makeitmonstrous, and @timefirewrites!

Zenith glanced at the overturned furniture and crossed his arms. “Now, we’ve got to get this furniture back to where it was before.”

I shook my head. “Nah. It’s more comfortable this way.”

No one objected. Rowan asked if anyone wanted food, and they went into the kitchen to make the food. I followed to make some more popcorn for the extra special announcement. When I came back into the living room, Asher and Cirrus were sitting beside each other. I grinned at them and sat on the other side of Cirrus, and I offered him some popcorn as I turned on the TV. Rebecca had moved to the chair she had sat in previously, and Elvira was sitting on the floor in front of her.

The stupid Capitol fanfare started up, and I sighed and leaned against Cirrus, glancing over at him to make sure it was okay. He didn’t seem to mind. Caesar was standing up, energizing the crowd as Evie and Lynn were seated behind him. They looked profoundly uncomfortable as another “wonderful” guest sat beside them. President Snow, the smug bastard, was smiling vaguely at the crowd.

Caesar laughed. “Welcome to another special interview! This time, our esteemed President Snow has decided to join us! So, let’s get going!” I frowned as he looked over at Snow, across Evie and Lynn. Were they just props? Why were they even here? “So, I heard that you are planning something special for the tributes who survived the arena!”

President Snow laughed. “I want to celebrate the ones who survived the arena: the Victor: Poli, Lynn, and Evelynne by hosting a party with them as special guests.” The crowd roared.

“How generous, putting them on display like prizes or cattle for the Capitol to fawn over even more, and here I had somehow believed they couldn’t sink any lower,” Rowan muttered. Asher nodded.

Caesar waited for the crowd to quiet down before continuing. “But it’s not going to be just any party, is it? Could you give us all the juicy details?”

“This party will actually be a cruise on my personal yachts, and the party will last two nights, with special guests being able to stay overnight near the tributes who survived the arena. And this was suggested by Alastair, who will also be a special guest at the party. It will be a themed party. Everyone is encouraged to dress as a pirate to fit the theme.” Evie hid a smile behind her hand at the announcement, and I grinned as the crowd roared again.

Rebecca sat up straighter. “I bet my stylist influenced that choice cuz of me.”

I laughed as Cirrus looked excited. “This is brilliant! Triel won’t believe it!” I grabbed out my phone and texted her about the cruise and the costumes.

Rowan looked thoughtful. “That’s good, Lynn can swim, he’s a very strong swimmer, that’s very good.”

“Captain Skeates will likely turn up uninvited,” Elvira muttered, rubbing one of her temples. I felt a thrill at that. Triel had mentioned Captain Skeates in the past.

Asher looked thoughtful. “Does he mean, on the ocean?”

I shrugged, trying to remember what Triel said about the geography of the Capitol. “Probably at the lake neighboring the Capitol. I hope they wouldn’t go to such extremes to go on the ocean. But, this is the Capitol, so I could be wrong.”

Zenith nodded. “The president’s yachts are outfitted to go on the lake.” He looked embarrassed and added quickly, mumbling, “I was invited there when I was working for the Capitol before.”

“They won’t recognize you and give us away, will they?” Elvira asked carefully.

He paused. “”The only people I really interacted with before I left was my team and some high ups in the Capitol. If I avoid them, I should be safe. Well, as safe as a former tribute could be. Any other person would recognize me as a former tribute instead.” Rebecca winced and nodded at that.

“Yeah, but that’s also a problem, isn’t it?” Cirrus added. “If they know we’re all tributes?”

I waved it off. “Triel has the best disguises.” Then added in a mumble. “But she’ll probably make us all wear wide brimmed hats and long coats.”

“For your entire faces?” Elvira asked.

I nodded. “She knows how to hide in plain sight. The hats will help too.”

Cirrus sighed. “We’re all going to look like umbrellas with those hats.”

I laughed. “Nah. The hats always flatter the person wearing them. I think you, especially, will look good dressed as a pirate.”

“It’s umbrellas or being spotted and as someone who’s done my best to avoid being noticed, I’d rather be an umbrella.” Rowan winced. “Though I’ve never actually stayed hidden for long.”

“Fine.” Cirrus leaned back into the couch. “If I have to.”

Caesar, luckily, had to wait longer for the crowd to quiet down. “So, how does one get these special tickets? And regular tickets, for that matter!”

Snow clasped his hands and smirked at the camera. “You will sign up for a drawing, and you will be pulled from the pool at a later date. Think of it as our own Hunger Games.” He chuckled at that. “Only fifty lucky guests will be able to stay overnight.”

My phone buzzed. It was a message from Triel. I relayed it to the rest of them. “Triel says this is fortunate for us. She’ll be able to get costumes for all of us. And she says that Alastair already contacted her, saying that he pulled some strings and secured the special guest tickets for us.”

“And we’ll be overstaying our welcome.” Rebecca chuckled darkly.

“Well, that’s part of the plan taken care of. ‘Our own Hunger Games.’ I’ve known animals with more humanity,” Rowan said.

I grinned. “And we get to screw with them and show them how stupid and not in control the are! Excellent!”

“That’s a lot of days undercover.” Asher was looking nervous. “There’s a lot that can happen.”

Zenith was frowning. “So, we go in our disguises, stay overnight, and what? How are we going to get them out from under the Capitol’s nose? And how many people are we going to get? I would assume the other person they showed off, Laurel I think, will be there too. Who knows who else will be there?” His eyes flickered over to me. “What if Churi is there?”

I kept my face neutral, even as I tensed against Cirrus. “Then I’ll avoid him.”

He shook his head. “What if you can’t?”

Cirrus shrugged. “Beat the shit out of him if he gets close?”

While I appreciated the sentiment, that wouldn’t work. I swallowed hard. “He’s not exactly a…physical being. It won’t work as well as you’d like. He can recover from any injury to his physical body in a second.” I looked over at Zenith. “I could ask you the same question with avoiding your team. But…I’ll try to figure it out.”

Elvira cut in. “We can spend the first day doing recon on our targets, then split ourselves between them to spring them simultaneously, hopefully with guards of our own to spare for whatever goes wrong.”

Zenith nodded, tearing his scrutinizing eyes away from me. “That is a good plan.”

I took a deep breath, composing myself. I forced a smile. “We’ll have to blend in. And that means dance lessons! Who’s already learned?” In the background, Caesar was asking Evie and Lynn what they thought about the party, and they were giving the expected, fake excited responses.

Zenith raised his hand. “Arque thought it was good training.”

Rowan raised their hand. “From my mother.”

Rebecca’s mouth dropped open. “That means dance lessons, why?”

I laughed. “Because we have to pretend we’re fancy Capitol idiots. We have to act the part. They depend on dancing for their daily exercise.”

Rebecca thought about it, grabbed her sword, swung out her leg, and made a motion as if to chop off her own leg. She already had the dramatic part down for pretending to be a Capitol idiot. Elvira sighed and pulled the sword away. “I’ll teach you. Behave and I’ll even let you lead.” Rebecca scowled but lowered both the sword and her leg.

Cirrus smiled at Rebecca. “I’ve never danced like this before but it can’t be that hard.”

“Speak for yourself,” Asher added. “I had to do it once way back in school and it didn’t go well.”

I leaned forward and grinned at both of them. “I can be your lead while Triel teaches!”

Zenith frowned. “So, we have the costumes, the dance lessons, and the tickets. Is there anything that we’re missing?”

“Snorkels?” Rebecca suggested. “How’re we gonna bail once we got the bounty? Is it a hit-and-run-and-hope-we-can-outrun-them thing, or do we try and keep it quiet and let them figure it out in the morning?”

Shine texted my phone, and I relayed their message. (Yeah, the author did not know that Shine was nonbinary, preferring he/him and they/them pronouns until last week, and Shine had indicated that they preferred they/them currently over he/him today). I relayed the message. “I have a machine that can keep our airship invisible, so we can get away without the Capitol noticing if you can figure out how to sneak them onto the airship.”

“If it’s a fancy yacht it should have an open air deck or something, right?” Asher leaned forward to look at me. “Could we pull them up from there?”

I nodded. “That would work, if the deck is crowded. If we want to be sneaky about it.”

“Definitely a lido deck at least, and they should cover the pool overnight to prevent drunken passengers from falling in. Whether they actually will remains to be seen,” Elvira pointed it out.

“Right, it’ll be a possibly crowded ship.” Rowan ran a hand through their hair.

“Maybe we can push some of them in before we leave,” I mumbled before I spoke louder. “That would work too! Shine will be piloting the airship, and he can bring it anywhere we need it.” I looked over at Rowan. “Then we’ll just have to make sure that they’re all drunk before we head out!” I gave him a thumbs up while I grinned.

They laughed a little uneasily. “If anything, having them drunk might make it worse and they’ll accidentally stumble in on us.”

“They won’t understand what they’re seeing, and then they’ll forget it all by morning!” I said.

“We can lure them away by smuggling some moonshine aboard and whispering that to a few people and make sure the word gets around by telling people not to tell anyone,” Rebecca offered. “Stash it or distribute it far off from the pickup point or the targets or whatever, huh?”

Zenith nodded. No hint of a smile or levity. Wow. “That would work. The Capitol citizens are suckers for alcohol. But I’m worried that the captured tributes might have too many visitors overnight.”

“Why shouldn’t such visitors include ourselves if we are, after all, esteemed guests from the Capitol?” Elvira asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It could lead to the Capitol learning they’re gone sooner than we’d like,” Zenith said.

“If they’re something more entertaining they’ll probably flock towards it.” Cirrus shrugged. “Might give us an opening.”

“That’s a good point, we need to make sure there is enough time to actually get everyone, somehow get everyone to the same spot, get rid of the shockers, and get away,” Rowan said. Rebecca winced at the mention of the shockers.

Zenith cocked an eyebrow. “What could we do that would be more interesting than the stars of the party?”

“Man overboard?” Cirrus suggested.

Brilliant! And at the same time Rebecca, me, and Asher spoke.

“Caesar overboard,” Rebecca breathed, with stars in her eyes.

I grinned. “President Snow overboard!”

Asher grinned. “President overboard?”

Rowan considered the suggestions. “Alright, how do we get  to the most important person on the ship to push him over?”

Rebecca rubbed her chin, thinking, but I spoke up first. I eyed Elvira. “The non-tributes. Triel and Elvira won’t be as easily recognized, so they should be able to get closer. How about that?”

A faint smile played on Elvira’s lips. “I accept.”

Perfect! Everything was getting figured out well! Just as I thought that, Rowan paled. “I just had a truly terrible thought that I hope is years of paranoia speaking and has no actual basis in reality because how could it right?”

Zenith tensed. “What was it?”

“What do they know about us escaping?”

“The Capitol probably didn’t tell them the truth about what happened to us. They could actually be using us against them.”

“Like, our friends think we got captured too, maybe, and the Cap’s threatening us, so that’ll keep them obedient? Or something like that?” Rebecca asked, sounding confused.

Zenith nodded. “Possibly. I’ve heard of the Capitol doing it before.”

“Would they believe us if we told them we aren’t captured?” Asher asked. “Or would they be suspicious?”

“Would the Capitol at all expect us to be looking to help them?” Rowan asked.

All this guesswork went way over what I wanted to think about. So, I just stayed quiet. Zenith nodded, looking thoughtful. “I think we could prove to them that we weren’t captured. We don’t have shockers like they do, for example. But Rowan brings up a good point. The Capitol will be expecting us to do something. Alastair getting extra tickets for special guests could already look suspicious to them.”

“Or I could be wrong really, that’s still a possibility, after all they’re the Capitol maybe they think they’re invincible and, Goddess, please let me be wrong.” Rowan runs a hand through their hair.

“If they’re expecting us to be active in undermining them, I feel they would’ve found us by now—or at least we’d know they were looking,” Elvira pointed out calmly. “The fact that we haven’t been approached means we aren’t seen as a threat.”

I sat up and nodded, actually trying to look serious. “That’s a good point, and also, we’ve already defied the Capitol once, when they were watching. We can do it again!” I smiled now. “Zenith knows all these people, so he can just scowl at them, and they’d be intimidated!”

He scowled at me, and I was super intimidated. “That wouldn’t work. Most of them don’t know me.”

“You don’t need to recognize the caliber of the bullet in your skull before it can kill you,” Rebecca snorted.

Cirrus shrugged. “If we don’t get recognized we don’t have to worry about suspicious anyway, right?” He glanced at me. “If Triel can disguise us all we have to do is act the part.” He paused. “How many of you have been to anything like this? Any of you know how to order a servant to do something for you without sticking out?”

“Usually the one being ordered,” Rowan muttered.

Zenith frowned. “Kind of. But I wouldn’t be too proficient at sounding rich. I was there as a soldier.”

I laughed. “I have no idea. Triel knows from pretending to be rich to get information, though.”

Rebecca cringed, chewing on knuckle. “I’ve…seen it happen. If that counts. I stalked an upper-class guy for two years cuz I thought we were in love. It’s morbidly fascinating. They just play gods twenty-four-seven.”

Cirrus nodded. “We’ll work on it then.” He smirked. “I was a prince once, you know.”

Asher laughed. “And an entitled ass.”

Rowan frowned. “You were? Wait, right, not important right now.”

“Technically still am, but it’s a long story.”Cirrus sighed.

Wow. Made more sense why he lost his cool so easily when I teased him during the fight. I grinned. “Thankfully, you’re not one of the annoying ones. At least not too annoying.”

“Do you play harpsichord?” Rebecca whispered suspiciously.

Cirrus twisted to face her. “The what?”

She relaxed. “You’re fine.”

Cirrus looked confused, but shook it off. “Anyway, I can help you out with that.” He pointed at Rowan. “You and Asher especially.”

Aw. I wasn’t part of the list. He believed in me. I grinned. “I’ll throw popcorn at you during your training, and you’ll have to ignore it!”

“Me?” Rowan asked.

Cirrus nodded. “You’re…” He thought for a little bit. “You seem like a considerate person and all but you don’t want to come off as too nice, not in front of the other guests.”

“Of course that’s the reason.” Rowan sighed but nodded.

I nodded, but my eyes were starting to feel heavy, and my brain was moving slower. “So, that’s all figured out! We can get started tomorrow. I’ll have to make sure to make a lot of popcorn!”

Cirrus mumbled something about me eating too much popcorn, but he agreed. I just made sure to make a face at him before we left to go to our own rooms.

[yiangchen]

Bellarke 5x09 divergent taking place right after Bellamy and Clarke agree to go to the valley together. 

Literally the only reason Bellamy’s plan (to have Indra lead Wonkru) didn’t work was that Miller was out of character, and it drove me crazy, so this fic happened. I wrote this back during s5 at some point and never posted it. 

Title from “Give Me Love” by Ed Sheeran. 3.8k words.

lately i’ve been craving more (and it’s been a while, but i still feel the same)

Bellamy holds his breath as Indra addresses Wonkru. Everything—literally everything—is banking on this working out. On them listening to Indra and following her. “For six years, we have lost hundreds of our people,” she’s saying now. “We can’t afford to lose any more. I will negotiate for Wonkru to enter the valley peacefully so that no more shall suffer.”

To Bellamy’s relief, warriors and novitiates alike nod their heads in agreement. Miller steps forward. “We leave first thing in the morning. Pack your things, just take what you can carry.”

More nods of agreement as he turns to Bellamy, a closed-lip half smile on his face. Bellamy manages one back. Memories flit through his mind. Of when Clarke had said the same thing back during the dropship days. He knows Miller’s thinking of it too. With Octavia out of power, it’s as though Miller can think clearly again. Can see that going to war is not what’s best for his people. Bellamy’s relieved to have his friend back.

After Indra dismisses everyone, the crowd disperses. Bellamy finds his way to Madi. She looks at him, hopeful. “Does this mean Clarke will be released?”

Bellamy sighs and pulls her aside. “By law of Wonkru, no.” Madi’s face falls. “But I’m getting her out of there, okay?”

Her eyes light up again. “What’s the plan?”

“I have some things to take care of first. Indra and I need to discuss the terms of peace with Diyoza. Once that’s done, I’ll go get Clarke and meet you by the rover. By the time anyone realizes, we’ll be long gone.”

“And what do I need to do?”

Amusement flits across Bellamy’s face. She’s so much like Clarke in this moment that he feels warmth spreading through his chest, an inevitable fondness for the child burying itself there. “You?”

Madi nods, serious.

Bellamy considers his words. “You can make sure Monty and Harper know the plan.”

“Okay,” she says. “I can do that.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. I’m Clarke’s daughter.”

Bellamy breathes out a laugh at that. “Yeah,” he says. “You really are.” Madi smiles. “Alright, kid. I’ll see you soon, okay? Stay safe.”

To his surprise, she steps forward and hugs him. Bellamy stills a moment but relaxes almost instantly and hugs her back. “You too,” Madi says. “And thank you.”

“What for?”

Madi pulls back. “For keeping your promise.” At Bellamy’s furrowed brow, she explains. “You said you wouldn’t let anything happen to her.”

Bellamy lips part and then he swallows. I won’t let anything happen to Clarke. I promise. He opens his mouth, closes it. Here we go again, pleading for the life of a traitor. Who you love. His heart thumps against his ribs. She was willing to destroy the last survivable land on Earth just to win a war. Not to mention kill the people we love.

“Yeah,” he says, weak. “Of course.” He thinks of Clarke’s words to him. How she survived these last six years all by herself. I wasn’t alone. I had Madi. “I should be thanking you for that too, you know? Taking care of her when I couldn’t. She survived because of you.”

A puzzled look crosses Madi’s face. “And you. She had you, too.”

Bellamy blinks. “Me,” he repeats.

“Yeah,” she says, like it's obvious. Like he should know something. “She—”

“Bellamy.”

He turns at the sound of Indra’s voice.

“We should do this sooner rather than later.”

“Of course.” Bellamy looks to Madi, brow furrowed. “We’ll talk later,” he says to her.

Madi nods.

Reluctantly, Bellamy walks away and falls into step with Indra, his mind still reeling.

She had you, too.

…

Clarke stands, with her hands shackled and eyes on the door. She startles at the sound of a light thud, followed by a few muffled grunts. A moment later, and the door is opening, revealing Bellamy and an unconscious guard in his arms that he carefully drags inside and sets on the ground.

“He’s alive,” Bellamy says softly as he approaches her and removes the shackles from around her wrists. “Madi, Monty and Harper are waiting for us in the rover.” Clarke rubs at the tender skin, wincing a little. Before Bellamy can stop himself from doing something stupid, he’s taking her hands in his and looking them over, squinting in the dark. “I should’ve said it was me,” he sighs.

Clarke shakes her head. “It’s okay.”

He lifts his gaze to meet her eyes. “Let’s get out of here.”

Clarke nods, and once he’s shackled up the guard in her place, the two are sneaking out into the dark.

…

It’s well into the morning when Bellamy feels the guilt set in. For leaving his sister like this.

But then he glances in the rearview mirror and sees Monty and Harper fast asleep, with Madi snuggled into their laps. He glances at Clarke, who had finally dozed off about an hour ago—after stubbornly insisting that she would stay awake with him—and he knows he made the right choice.

These people are his priority now. Not Octavia. And as much as Bellamy hates it, she brought this on herself, leaving him no choice but to do what he’s done.

Heaving out a sigh, he shifts his hand on the steering wheel. He had really missed the rover.

His gaze drifts back over to Clarke at the thought. It must have been so hard for her. Having all these things to remind her of the people that had once been here to use them but no longer were. The rover, the rifles. He still remembers the time he taught her to shoot with one of those.

He wonders if she remembers it too. If she missed him as much as he had her. Something about what Madi had said makes him think that maybe she did.

He glances over at Clarke again. A familiar fondness for her washes over him—a fondness that never went away but was buried beneath all the pain and anguish from leaving her to die. The blonde of her hair is glinting with the rising sun now. The crease in her brow is gone. She just looks so beautiful like this. She’s always been so fucking beautiful.

Just then, she stirs, and he shakes the thought away, averting his gaze. “I’m awake,” she says, a little groggy as she rubs at her eyes.

“It’s okay, princess. You needed the sleep.”

He doesn’t realize he’s said it until Clarke repeats it back to him. “Princess,” she says.

Bellamy stills, heartbeat picking up a bit. He glances at her. The old nickname had just left his lips so easily. He opens his mouth, closes it, not knowing what to say. Not with Clarke looking at him so softly.

“Bellamy,” Echo’s voice cuts in, on radio. “We have a problem.”

Bellamy takes hold of the radio. “Echo,” he breathes, and just like that, Clarke feels the warmth in her chest disappear. Replaced with something cold. Something that aches. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“You can’t come to the valley. Things have changed.”

Bellamy looks at Clarke, sees the fear in her eyes that reflect back in his own. “What do you mean?”

“We didn’t know you were negotiating with Diyoza for peace, and by the time we found out, it was too late.”

“What the hell did you do?”

“We had Murphy start a riot. Mccreary’s in charge now.” Bellamy swears. “The Eye is still down, but they’ll be ready for you. Please tell me you’re still at Polis.”

Bellamy heaves out a sigh. “Clarke and I left last night. With Madi, Monty and Harper. We should be there in a few hours. Wonkru in six days.”

“You have to turn back, Bellamy.”

“It’s too late for that.”

“Why?”

He hesitates, glances at Clarke a moment. His eyes are still on hers when he says it. “I did something. Before taking Octavia out of power.”

Clarke shakes her head at him. What are you doing?

“What did you do?”

“I killed Cooper. One of Octavia’s higher ups. She found out and had me arrested. We had no choice but to break me out and leave in the middle of the night.”

“Bellamy,” Clarke tries to cut in.

He ignores her and averts his eyes. “We need to find a place in the valley to hide out. Wonkru is coming for us.”

It’s a long while before Echo speaks again. “Okay. We’ll figure something out. I’m with the others hiding out in a cave in the West Woods. Near the wasteland. Mccreary’s men are looking for us.”

“Who’s with you?”

“Murphy, Emori, Raven. Some of the defectors. Kane and Diyoza. Her pilot.”

“Clarke’s mom?”

“She’s not with us. Mccreary has her.” Clarke’s heart sinks. “But tell Clarke not to worry. They need Abby to cure them. She’s safe.”

Bellamy nods even though she can’t see him. “Okay. Good. I’ll see you in a few hours then. Let me know if you have to move out before then.”

“Copy that.”

“Stay safe.”

“You too.”

As soon as Bellamy sets the radio down, Clarke shakes her head at him again. “Why did you lie?”

“The same reason you wouldn’t let me tell Octavia I was in on it.”

“Bellamy.” Clarke huffs out an incredulous breath. “I don’t need you to protect me from this. I’m the one that dragged you into it. Everything that’s happening right now is because of me.”

“My sister’s twisted desire to go to war isn’t your fault, Clarke. None of this is.”

“Don’t do that.”

“What?”

“You’re not letting me take any of the blame.”

Bellamy shrugs, eyes set out in front of him. “Learned from the best.”

Clarke’s lips twitch with a smile despite herself. He’s referring to when she’d tried to do the same after Mount Weather. Ironically, it just proves him wrong. She didn’t take all the blame with her then, and he can’t do the same now. That’s not how it works, and he knows that.

“I’m serious, Bellamy.”

“You always are.” He glances at her, and she gives him an impatient look. “Okay, I’ll stop. Say what you want to say already.”

“You said we were in this together,” Clarke says. Bellamy’s amusement fades. He swallows. “If you really meant that, then you have to let me take some of the blame, okay?”

He sighs and nods. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Clarke says again, quieter this time.

Bellamy’s eyes soften for her. Neither of them seem to realize that they’re still looking at each other until Madi stirs awake in the back.

“Are we there yet?” she asks, quietly so as not to wake Monty and Harper. Bellamy turns his attention back to the desert before him.

“No,” Clarke says. “But we will be soon.”

“I should radio Indra,” Bellamy says to Clarke. “Let her know what to expect when they get to the valley.”

Clarke nods, but she sighs. “They’ll have to fight now.”

Bellamy looks at her, a muscle working in his jaw. “I know.” He shakes his head and huffs out a breath. “Always seems to come to that, doesn’t it?”

Before Clarke thinks better of it, she’s placing a hand over his free hand, where it rests loosely over the gearshift. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to do. He meets her eyes, and she manages a weak, closed-lip half smile at him. He manages one back. Because at least they’re together.

…

Echo radios in before they make it to the valley, letting them know they had to leave the cave behind and they’ll meet up sometime the following day—once Mccreary has lost their trail and it’s safe.

Bellamy pulls the rover into a cave for the night. Clarke and Madi make a fire. Monty and Harper fix up the blankets in the rover, making room for four of them (one will keep watch at the cave entrance while the others sleep).

They all spend a few hours sitting around the fire. Clarke talks mostly to Monty and Harper (She hasn’t had a chance to really catch up with them yet), Madi to Bellamy who Madi notices pointedly avoids what they had been talking about back in Polis. He doesn’t want to get into that while Clarke is right there beside him.

Besides, it’s probably better if he just asks her himself. He does, later that night, once Madi, Monty and Harper have gone to bed. “Madi said something yesterday,” he says.

“What,” Clarke says, lips twitching with a smile. “Something about how she thought you’d be taller?”

Bellamy breathes out a laugh and shakes his head. “No. Something else. But we were interrupted before she could explain.”

“Explain what?”

“I’m not sure exactly.” Bellamy brings a hand to the back of his neck. “I thanked her for taking care of you these last six years.” Clarke’s heart swells. “And she seemed confused. She said…” He trails off and swallows. “She said you also had me.” Clarke feels her eyes water. “But I don’t…” Bellamy fumbles with his words. “I wasn’t here. I was on the Ring.” Clarke has to look away when a tear slips down her cheek. “Hey,” Bellamy reaches out instinctively to wipe it away, as though he’s done so thousands of times. “Clarke, hey. What’s wrong?”

Clarke shuts her eyes. “I lied,” she says weakly.

“You lied,” he repeats, brow furrowed. “About what?”

Clarke opens her eyes back into his. “When you asked me how I survived, I said I had Madi, but even before I found her,” she shakes her head, “it was you that kept me going.” Bellamy’s lips part. “I radioed you,” Clarke admits at last, and Bellamy feels like he can’t breathe. “Every day you were gone.”

“You as in…?”

“Just you.”

Bellamy’s heart thumps against his ribs. “But the comms. None of your calls came through.”

Clarke breathes out a watery breath of air. “It didn’t matter.” Another tear slips down her cheek. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

Bellamy’s lips part again, head tilting to the side. “Clarke.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I know it’s—”

She breaks away when he takes her face in his hands and brings her forehead to rest against his. For a moment, she thinks he’s going to kiss her. For a moment, so does he. But something stops him. And they both know what that something is. Or rather, who. But he lingers a moment, forehead pressed to hers and eyes closed.

When he pulls away, it’s sudden, and Clarke instantly misses his warmth on her cheeks, the way it had felt to have him so close. He’s looking at her now, like he just made a mistake, and she just can’t take it. She rises to her feet and slings her rifle on over her head. Bellamy shuts his eyes.

“I’ll take first watch.”

“Clarke,” he tries, but she ignores him, walking off to the entrance of the cave.

Bellamy scrubs a hand over his face.

…

For the next few days, they lay low. As do the others. It’s just not safe while Mccreary’s men are out there. So, they plan on waiting until Wonkru’s arrival and the start of the battle. When the war is (hopefully) won, they’ll find each other.

The problem is that waiting is torture. They’re camping out in such close quarters, and Clarke is still insistent on ignoring Bellamy. He lets her have space until the last day. Because that’s when he just can’t take the silence anymore.

“Clarke,” he says once they’re relatively alone. “Can we talk?”

“Not now, Bellamy.”

“Then when?”

Clarke doesn’t say anything, just looks at him and shrugs weakly.

“I’m sorry, okay? And I miss you. A lot. So please. Please, just talk to me.” He takes a step towards her.

She takes one back. “No.”

“Clarke—”

“What do you want me to say, Bellamy?”

He swallows at the tears gathering in her eyes. There’s just so much pain. So much pain and heartbreak that he caused. He can hardly stand it. All he wants to do is comfort her, but he can’t, and that thought alone is enough to break him.

“That I was an idiot six years ago?” she goes on, and Bellamy’s lips part. He shakes his head.

Maybe part of him knew that she felt something for him too back then, that she regretted not doing anything about it as he had for years, but hearing her actually say it, all these years later, is something else entirely.

“That it took me losing you to realize that I wanted you?”

He tries to get out her name. Tell her to stop. Because it’s just too much. But the word is stuck in his throat. He can hardly breathe.

“That I’m completely,” Clarke’s voice cracks, “irrevocably, stupidly in love with you, and it’s too late?” Her cheeks are wet, and she’s smiling, but there’s anything but amusement on her face. “Is that what you want me to say?”

“I…”

She breathes out a bitter, watery laugh. “Exactly.”

“Clarke.”

She meets his gaze, and the look on his face has her eyes widening as she shakes her head. “Don’t.”

“Clarke—”

“Please don’t say it.” She holds his watery gaze a moment before finally turning away from him, stubbornly wiping her tears as she goes.

A lone tear slips down his cheek. I love you.

…

By the time war comes, they had spent so much time waiting that it actually manages to catch them off guard. Monty and Harper stay with Madi in the safety of the cave, but Clarke and Bellamy head out into battle. Side by side. And despite herself, Clarke knows there’s still no other place she’d rather be.

…

In the midst of the chaos, Bellamy is separated from Clarke. He looks around for her frantically when the war has come to an end, fresh cuts and scrapes maring his face and jacket torn at the collar and sleeves.

He finds some of the others first. Raven. Monty. Harper. Madi. Diyoza. Emori. Murphy. Miller. And so many others. So many faces. Some familiar, some not, but not the one face he’s so desperate to see.

“Where is she?”

That’s when he sees her. His face breaks out into a relieved smile, but just before he can run to her, another body is colliding into his.

It takes him a moment, but he registers that it’s Echo and hugs her back. Though, it’s half hearted. His eyes linger on Clarke’s, his lips pressed together as he swallows.

“That wasn’t who he was asking for,” Diyoza says to someone, off to the side.

…

Weeks pass.

Octavia has woken and is in recovery in the infirmary, along with many of the wounded from battle. Clarke has been pardoned, thanks to Miller, Indra and Gaia. Those who are able have started to build cabins for a new settlement. Clarke’s village is suitable to live in, of course, but not for all of the Wonkru and Eligius that survived. If they’re going to build a life here—a long lasting one—they’re gonna have to expand, and they’ve been doing that.

Clarke was hesitant at first. But once Bellamy suggested the settlement be built a little ways away from the village, she was happy.

She just needs a place to call home. He gets it.

There’s also the simple truth that this village was meant for her friends to live in. Forgive her for being a little self-serving, but it’s been six years of isolation for her, and this was her only wish.

To build a life with her friends.

Well, not her only wish, per say, but she’d rather not think about the other one. Because that wish is a living and breathing person. With brown eyes, freckles and a beating heart she loves with every part of her.

She’s not sure any of these feelings will ever fade. That she’ll ever stop wanting him. But she has to. Because he’s not hers to want.

It’s okay though, she tells herself. It’s okay because he can still be her person. Her best friend. And it’s about time they get back to that.

It’s late one night when Bellamy stops by her cabin. She’s seated at a table, sketching out plans for the new settlement. She stands to show him, sketch in hand. “Hey, so I was thinking we could rig up a communal shower. I’ll have to run it by Raven, but—”

“I broke up with Echo.”

The sketch slips through her fingers, instantly forgotten. “You—you what?”

“Weeks ago actually,” he says, running a hand through his hair.

“Why?”

Bellamy doesn’t say anything to that. He doesn’t have to. The look in his eyes says it all. How they soften for her. His lips twitch with a smile. “What does your heart say?” he tries.

Clarke breathes out a watery but happy laugh at the callback, ducking her head. When she meets his gaze again, her eyes shine with so much adoration he can hardly hold himself back any longer.

“Same as yours,” she says, soft.

And that’s all it takes before he’s striding towards her, taking her face firmly in his hands and finally, finally kissing her.

It has a desperate noise escaping Clarke’s throat, but she can’t find it in herself to care. Not when he kisses her back just as desperately.

Clarke breaks the kiss to laugh, a little breathless. “I love you,” she says.

Bellamy nudges her nose with his own. “I love you,” he murmurs back, right before kissing her again, warm and perfect.

Clarke tangles her fingers into his hair, and it’s just as soft as she always imagined. She slides a hand up the back of his head, tugging on a handful of his curls, and he actually growls. He crowds her up against the wall, forehead pressed to hers and mouth mere breathes away from her own.

“Shit,” he says, stilling as if realizing something. The absence of a certain twelve year old. “Where’s—“

“Sleeping over at Raven’s.”

“Thank god,” he breathes. She grins and brings his face down to hers, kissing him.

...

Sometime later, they’re in bed. She’s got a hand buried in his hair and he’s kissing her neck, but she can’t help herself from asking him something.

Clarke breathes out a laugh. “It was the rover and the rifles, wasn’t it?”

“Huh?” Bellamy lifts his head to look into her eyes.

“Wait, no. Probably the whole taking care of a child thing. Definitely that.”

He grins, finally catching on. “That,” he agrees, but then his voice softens. “And just because you’re you.” Clarke curses herself the moment her eyes water. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She reaches out a hand to his cheek, traces the freckles there—the freckles she adores. “I’m just so happy.”

He smiles a closed lip smile at her—the one he reserves for her—and turns his face slightly to press a kiss into her palm. “That makes two of us, princess.”

[shiorita]

The 100, 601,

I need to write about some stuff, but today I watched the 601 so, let's go first with the review. I'm going to play it again not to forget anything, so this is going to be chronological. (They are 43 points). 

1) The 100 intros are one of my favorites ones among tv shows. They tell us a lot of information with it, practically every place they are gonna visit and on which characters they are going to focus. This one is also refreshing because we stop watching the same places we already know (Polis, Arkadia, Allie laboratory, etc.) It's nice to see new locations. About characters, they put Shanon Kook and Henry Ian Cusin on credits, so I guess Kane is going to appear again. And they are going to focus on Jordan! YAY! (I miss Mondy and Harper already).

2) Raven being a bitch part.1. (I address to this later, but let me express my thoughts during the episode). You kept your humanity because of people around you were eager to risk their souls from maintaining intact yours. I'm not sorry for not forget that Finn went to jail and send to the ground to die because you wanted to spacewalker even when you know that the lack of air kills people in the ark.    

3) Zaven. Just because. Ok. Whatever.

4) Jordan. Jordan tries to be attentive to everyone on the ship. I loved that Marper used Clarke's parenting book so he knows the good things about everyone and he's not prejudging. I think every time I see Jordan, I'm going to scream internally: Give me Monty and Harper back! I miss them!  Also, I can't wait to see his face when he eats something that wasn't an alga. It'll be marvelous!

5) Emori, nobody asked you! Clarke wasn't even interested in talking with you guys, so leave her alone. Moreover, you accused a random guy of torture you, so they try radiation on him because you were scared, and I pretty sure that if the guy wasn't there, nobody touched you because Murphy was on your side and Clarke would be on Murphy's. I get you were scared but so was Clarke, so back off.

6) Echo is cool. My Bellarke heart hurts because of Echo sides with Clarke.

7) Bellamy's face when Clarke comments about him putting O on coma shows guilt. Interesting.

8) Abby looked at Jordan as he was a magician. Who's the 100 deus ex machina? Of course, it's the purest and impossible to forget Monty Green.

9) Echo being cool, part. 2 (I trust Monty)

10) Bellamy is now the leader, and it's kind of funny because he already agreed with Clarke to go down and check the planet, but since Echo agrees with that too he decides to send everyone down.  

11)Raven being a bitch, part 2. Ok, girl, it sounds you are on the defensive.

12) Bellamy-I-am-your-father, part 1. (You stay with the kids until you know how to behave appropriately)

13) ECHO! I love this girl. She doesn't even care that Octavia hates her. She wants Octavia being near Bellamy. She called Octavia "one of their best warriors," and she's damn right but also she's brave because, well, yeah, Octavia has a right to hate her. (Echo being cool, part 3)

14) What do you mean late, honey? Because I think Echo is not thinking about surviving but forgiveness. She doesn't want Bellamy dies before he could get on terms with his sister. Love this girl.  

15) Miller! I was mad at you last season, but it says a lot about you to say sorry to Bellamy. He forgives you because I think it's easy for him to blame Octavia for everything (ey, Octavia used to do precisely the same. I don't know why it's easy for Blake siblings to blame each other. I guess because at the bottom of their hearts they know they are always there while if they get mad with other people, they lose them).

16) I saw many gifs that show how Bellamy and Clarke look to each other while they descend to Alpha, but I think all of them are looking at Zach like: save us, please! Not the Bellarke moment I was waiting for.

17) I got that feeling from gifs, and there is it again: Echo rolls her eyes while  Clarke talks to Bellamy. I'm sure she knows about their story, but it can help. How the hell is she not going to fall in love with Bellamy?

18) I thought the "he'll come around" goes for Murphy. I don't mind if Zach doesn't come around. I don't care what he thinks about Clarke at all.

19) Has anyone anything better than "we're back, bitches"? Thank you, Monty.

20) Raven, if you want to forgive Abby, do it. If you don't want, don't. But using her guilt to make you feel better because you expect her to disappoint you, it's not healthy, and it's going to solve anything. I get you are mad, but you have been upset since your first appearance, so it's up to you.

21) Octavia and her little tear. Where's my brother? (So many parallels with these two I can't wait for a Blake hug)

22) Emori, Bellamy and Clarke's faces when they see Murphy is okay. They're going to kill him one day.

23) It's sweet how Bellamy looks at Echo like "do you want to go to the lake" and she is like "no." They remind me of Finn pulled Clarke to the first lake the delinquents found in their first trip.

24) Jackson and his "oh my god. We are aliens" was priceless. If only he could spend time with Monty, the two couples could have a good time together. I suddenly remember how well Miller and Harper got on. And now she's gone, and Miller can't repair the damage. Poor kid.

25) When you realize how poor your choices were, you can be honest about yourself and try to be a better person. I'm not talking about forgiving yourself but not being a jerk to anyone. If Miller did, the rest could do it.

26) I think the forgiveness thing is not a Bellarke thing anymore. Not only because it's the main reason Becho begins but because everyone needs that. They need to learn how to forgive others if they want to be able to a)forgive themselves and b) be happy. So, guys, if you need forgiveness, it's okay, I give it for you!

27) Yours too, Murphy! Clarke is kind of tired of your shit. Just give her a moment or leave her alone. By the way, I want my sarcastic Clarke to come back. I still remember how bad as she was in the first season when she didn't weight the future of the human race on her shoulders.  

28) I love to see how they grow up. Like, they are not these bunch of kids that are sent to the Earth to survive (or not). Like, they are prepared for everything. It also reminds me at the beginning of the second season, when they are ready for the poison smoke. 

29) And of course, Clarke has to jump into the danger to save Zach. Do you want acts? They there are. At least you can say thank you. But okay, you open the Raven's development arc. May we meet again.

30) Raven, honey, what's it come from? If you don't want to be near Abby, don't interfere in her business. It's simple. Stay away. The fact you go on and on, it's because you want to hit where it hurts. And that's not only self-destructive, but it also makes people around you leave you.

31) Talking about people who like to hit where it hurts. I like Miller is on Clarke's side.

32) I loved Emori's face when Bellamy said he trusts on her on being a pilot.

33) I want a spin-off about Becca.

34) It's kind of weird to see them dealing with a civilized place, not just forest and ruins.

35) Hello, kleptomania.

36) I still remember the lesson Jaha gave to Octavia. He explained everything so well that it makes "easy" to forgive him. But yeah, she's kind of right about Kane and Abby. They chose to hide behind the rulers (Jaha, Octavia) to make their own treaties with the enemy but when they were their own enemies (on the bunker, on the ark), they forgot about their responsibilities even when they were the ones the rulers chose to trust on the most. I get Octavia's fury, and I like to see that she does not enjoy seeing Kane suffers and tosses blood. By the way, I think she burnt the farm because the perspective to spend another day in the bunker was making her sick. She understood how hard was for everyone to survive, so she took the responsibility (My sister, my responsibility; I bear it, so they don't have to) and blamed, if and when Wonkru could leave the damn bunker. If Kane and Abby can forgive Clarke, Bellamy, and Jaha, the hell they can't forgive Octavia.

37) Raven is waiting for Abby to disappoint her (at this moment, I can't think that it's a disappointment. You girl want Abby to be an addicted again, only to make yourself feel better. I leave you to figure out what's your problem. And... Abby decides to be done with Octavia and Raven's shit and stand for herself. "Never again" Or what you want to think about me, it's up to you, I'm done.

38) Knocking On Heavens Door is on the playlist. Murphy! Sing that song!

39) Murphy singing was priceless. It remains me that time, in Bellamy's all-terrain, when Monty and Jasper were still alive, and Bellamy and Miller were also there, and they only sing. The beginning of season 3. One of the few moments I saw them enjoying being alive.

40) People who live here left everything so well that it seems they were waiting for someone to appear and survive for its visit. Just in case.  Where the hell are they?

41) Bellaaaaaaaaaaaarke. Ok. Calm down. So, he said the I'm sorry, and I love how Clarke panicked when she realizes that he knows and he can judge her. I think she realizes that she was in love with Bellamy at the end of season 5 so she's not ready to confront him yet. And I guess he always believed that his love was a one-sided one, so she will never like him as he likes her, even they are very good friends. So they try to be cool to each other but... it can't help it. They're flirting. As in the Unity day episode.

She is the only one he could talk about Octavia, the one he could trust in being this hurt brother who still loves his sister. I wish Octavia would've (go to school). He speaks to Clarke about Octavia in a softer way than he did with Echo because only Clarke had seen him trying to approach his sister uncountable times before. "She'll come around," Clarke said, and she was right, but now Bellamy feels that if he did things in another way, his sister would never become who she is now. He thinks that part of her dark development is on his fault and he only wants to admit it with Clarke.

42) Bellamy calls Echo to show her the book, and he gives it to Clarke. Suddenly he forgets about Echo being there... I understand why Echo crosses her arms, which it's usually a sign of protection or defensiveness.

43) Clarke is the first one to realize Emori is attacking Murphy and she runs toward him. Guys, you don't deserve that girl.

Conclusions? I think we are going to see a development for Raven, who, by the way, has sex in the first part of the episode and has a blood test in the second part, and I watch so many tv shows to understand that as... is she going to be pregnant? Because if it's true, well, finally, her love life is not going to disappear because an actor signed a contract and she might understand how it was for Clarke when they put Madi on risk.

Who the hell took their ships? The good news, at least for Echo, is Octavia is already wake so she can defend everyone.

I completely in if the season is about characters talking about each other. These people need lots of psychological treatments. They need professional help. Why are there only three doctors in the damn place? Why don't they train anyone? What would happen if Clarke, Abby or Jackson disappear? At least Monty taught Jordan to be an engineer.

See you next week. I still want to talk about other stuff, but I've been writing this post along an hour, and I need a break (Also, English is not my native language, so it's kind of tiring)

[gvaf-radio-blog]

I'm in an open relationship with coffee and mental trauma

I’m hunkered down inside my favorite coffee shop in Southeast Portland having a cup of black liquid love to recharge my body and mind due to me having to dodge a blitzkrieg from the flying commie bastards. The Cupids are a unique kind of chaos as they are technically survivors of a horrific nuclear accident that irradiated an entire Provence. You know the one I’m talking about, y’all won't stop posting screen-caps of the damn thing on tumblr clogging up my steady feed of nihilism and satanic teddy bears. These cupids where re-homed to Portland because the social worker was from Los Angeles and since it works for them and another hundred thousand overpaid yuppies they thought Southeast would be perfect for the bastards to rehab. So the main problem with this (other than rising rent costs) is that their brains got rewired and now do everything hell-bent for leather. So where I get involved with the soviet love bastards is that they got dropped into my neighborhood and there is a  sense that they have of loneliness and urgency for love that attracts them to a person and to help them scratch that itch. The problem is that sense is corrupted and given a slightly sadistic bent and they have started matchmaking and sending people that I am comically ill-suited for or in some cases homicidal, Cat eared woman would be an example. Love is a battlefield, I’m a veteran of this war and I got tired of pulling heart arrows out of my ass so we’ve been fighting ever since but today is going to be a major encounter.You see I have a date in one hour and they started to fly around in attack formation as soon as I left the house firing toxic love arrows at me trying to get me to return to past modus operandi and self-sabotage this relationship that hasn’t even started yet. I dodge an arrow called “new love energy” and panic at might bit at how close it came to hitting me. They can’t get into the coffee shop, the smell of burnt bagels and french roast causes them to enter a seizure state that takes days to recover from, honestly french roast has that effect on most people but  are too tired to give a fuck and just assume the annoying anaphylactic shock is just a morning caffeine detox. I already thinned the ranks a bit by blowing up a fully automatic bow, this monstrosity looks like a mad man combined a Roman ballista and church pipe organ that can fire arrows like the President throws out lies and is painted pink and violet with both Greek and Russian equivalents for “love is a wet prophylactic”. I had left my own bows hanging at home since I was heading for a date and we agreed on melee combat for this round so I armed myself with only a bokken. I couldn’t reach the artillery positioned on the house across from me I had to do something and that something  set the bastards to full rage mode. I took a bag of cans and bottles from the recycling bin shook it good and violently like I did last night before bed while reading the new Warren Ellis comic and threw the bag at the little winged artillery battery. There was a moment of confusion  and I might have heard the Russian equivalent to “what the fuck” but then from all over 82nd Ave tweekers arose from under their rocks smelling of steel reserve and four dollar cigarettes and converged on the Cupids moaning about spare change and smokes. I felt bad about doing that but I was left with no choice! the Eros tribunal might clear me due to the circumstances or as a penance, they might require me to date a vanilla person who thinks beige is a proper color for everything and fucking lights on in doggy is kinky with “ow” being a safe word. Wouldn’t be the first time but I’d rather join a monastery than do it again, I can only hear so many Cake songs before my psychotic side goes into Hulk mode.Between the Cupids dive-bombing the windows like some kind of  Russian kamikaze toddler pilots and rattling the hipsters enough that they had to go get a vegan vodka shot and this little crotch goblin bouncing around and getting into people’s faces, I'm thinking about how this date is going to affect my partner and I’s relationship. I’m also wondering how my date’s spouse is going to handle things if we hit it off. Polyamory on paper sounds like a plot to a high production value hardcore porno but the truth is (mostly) different. You have to navigate multiple schedules, expectations, and multiple people's emotions and try to figure out how to get what you need without hiding pain, jealousy, and your own fears. Being poly also means being on the outskirts of society in away, there is a sense of resentment and fear from others that don’t get it but not nearly as the violent oppression that us in the LGBTQA+ have had to duck for a few hundred years.My partner and I don’t tell others that we are dating since there is a fear of them being disowned, I tell my family the type of relationships I have because they really can’t take anything away from me since I lost the ability to care about their thoughts on my life. I’m not completely happy with this situation where I feel like a secret but it’s not just my life it’s my partner and their spouse’s lives that would be effected. I’m not saying that everyone in a poly or open relationship should go out with a megaphone and belt out a manifesto of why they decided to break their minds with more than one neurotic trauma victim at a time or telling what happened when you  tell a lovers wife that you pegged their husband with a strap on because the wife refused because she felt it was icky and has a lube phobia. What I am saying is that those of us in relationships should start a conversation about non monogamy with our partners and maybe others so we can hear their thoughts and help root out our own.It’s not Polygamy, lets get that one out of the way because I talked with a lot of very intelligent people (and at least one military mandated lobotomy survivor) and they all have said “Oh like the thing Mormons do?” No, more love, openness, and freedom less magic boxers and misogyny.  With poly all relationships there are going to have vastly different dynamic from person to person where Bob and Tim are more open and each can have a person to have casual relationships with and sometimes they both have that dynamic with another person. Karen and Jess now are in several relationships that run casual, serious and potential for a marriage. Stacy, Jim, and Jared are in a closed trifecta where Jim and Jared being straight and not with each other they only have relationships with Stacy who only wants to have a relationship with Jim and Jared.Honestly the only thing that all these relationships have in common is communication and the bad poly relationships are non communicative, half truths, full lies, or worse one sided. I've heard the stories where on person would be dating (fucking) someone new every month but their partner was told to be monogamous and not date outside or they would be dumped, to add to this they lived together and the other partner can’t afford to live on their own. So basically one person was a Controlling , cheating waste of mommy and daddies quicky and the other was borderline being mentally and emotionally abused. Predators and halfwits will be part of every aspect of life and will find a way to manipulate or destroy said aspects of life given enough time and opportunity.Nothing is Idiot proof, nothing is safe so get your life set up how you want it and be prepared to guard this fortress against predators. When (not if) the halfwit comes stumbling in like a newborn colt on ice and manages to destroys your life because the dumb fuck is trying to help or by removing the wrong brick in the wall because it was shiny and it’s now their favorite red rock thingy, you better have a plan B to rebuild. The good news is that you now have enough bricks laying  on the ground  to stone the halfwit to death, I’m a silver lining kinda guy.The Little crotch goblin in the shop is now skipping to a fro all while  chanting what I think I recognized as the ritual to raise an evil elder thing that resembles a puppet from some children's program and then banging their fucking little fist on bookshelves. I’ve ordered a hot chocolate for the little bastard and added a bit of full spectrum oil so the crotch goblin will either soon enter torpor or start seeing a god in whatever app the frazzled parent downloaded and handed off to the kid to try and quite the goblin down. I can write now without the music blasting through my headphones  being drowned out but I did check to see how the goblin is doing, they passed out on a couch, maybe pissed themselves or just spilled water on the floor hard to say . My date shows up and we talk about ourselves or I talk too much and have to stop myself to ask them a question, after both realizing that the online interaction , attraction, and communication is also very present in a real life situation we agree it was time for the duel . We meet via social media site that specializes in the way of the Gaijin and us weebs must prove our saiyan power rankings so we walk outside and I unravel the sacred condom of holy audience and stop the Cupids dive bombing  us while each and every one of these sawed off Kalashnikovs are humming “rock you like a hurricane”. The cupids form a half circle around us and since the invoking of the spirit of The holy Pope  Ruth Westhimer the Cupids agree to not interfere and will also leave me alone until after I get off work the next day.Later that night after coming home bloodied , bruised and then the injuries I sustained during the duel I think about the date and how good it went. Talking about our partners, wants, needs and what we can and can not provide for each other, we hold off on saying we are in a relationship, we decided we’re in a trial relationship pending approval from our respective partners. Important to remember that our other partners can be affected by what we do and the clear communication transfers (or it SHOULD) to the other partners. Poly is not easy it can be worth it or as I’ve found utterly heartbreaking at times but I’m not built to be monogamous so my options are to be lonely the rest of my life, be constrained in a monogamous relationship that I may or at least fight like hell not to cheat in or I can just be honest and say this is who I am, you can stay or go. I find a dead mouse on my front porch with a note stating they were worried I hadn’t been eating, one day I’m going to spay this cat eared woman with a soldering iron.

[jbsullivan17]

The Levers

I think there’s something to be said about Bellamy being the first person to pull the lever in the pilot. that moment is looked over, we’ve talked about Clarke pulling the lever at the end of every season, but not Bellamy pulling it in the pilot. The ease he had with the decision if Clarke hadn’t interrupted him when he went to do it the first time. That scene’s a defining moment for them, Clarke thinking with her head, protecting the hundred and Bellamy being the irrational rebel that snuck onto the ship as a guard and takes over because he’s the oldest and feels entitled from all those years of taking care of Octavia.

Back to the lever itself; the scene opens from the upper-level ladder showing Bellamy below as Clarke climbs down and holding the delinquents back from the door and stepping towards the lever simultaneously. With his hand on the lever, Clarke stops him by yelling exactly that and for some reason, this adult man listens to this teenage girl. He throws his blasé logic at her about them dying either way because it’s that easy of a decision, be cramped and suffocate with 100 juvenile delinquents or die of radiation but at least seeing the beauty of the ground first. IT’S EASY to Bellamy, logical, which as the next several seasons prove, is a difficult thing for the twenty-something-year-old man to do. Then there’s Octavia who stops him from pulling the lever for the second time (side note: I need to point out that Bellamy’s introduction to us has his two most important relationships in the entire series, nothing is a mistake) (also, Clarke watching the Blake reunion as intently as she was back then... she was feeling some type of way towards Bellamy and they just met) and then made pulling the lever all about Octavia being the first person on the ground in 100 years instead of being known as the girl under the floor.

My whole point is that we watched Clarke struggle during every season finale about pulling a lever and we see someone within the first ten minutes of the series do the exact same thing, but with minimal thought and effort, the action weighing the same morally difficult questions.

We see Clarke struggle with leaving Finn, Bellamy, and Octavia out of the Dropship to save the 70+ delinquents waiting inside as the Grounders attack. We see Clarke struggle in Mount Weather with her constant need to save her people, her mom, on the operating table, or save Mount Weather. Bellamy’s there with his “my sister, my responsibility” mantra as he’s watching her bound and gagged on the monitor. It’s where we’re introduced to Bellarke's promise of “together”, but that doesn’t diminish the dire severity of the situation. You see the pain in Clarke’s eyes as she watches the people of Mount Weather die slowly, we watch her break and distance herself until we watch her say goodbye and walk away from Camp Jaha. We see Clarke in the City of Light with Becca and ALIE, thinking over what Becca says and what ALIE is telling her about the nuclear power plants and that the City of Light being the only way to save everyone, killing someone IRL doesn’t kill their CoL consciousness--if you could even call it that with the mindless zombies we saw walking around. ALIE knew exactly what to say to Clarke to get her not to pull the trigger, telling Clarke that if she stayed, she wouldn’t have the burden of protecting everyone anymore. It was what Clarke craved, it was why she left her people after Mount Weather, it’s why she stayed in Polis after reuniting with them as well, she needed the break of not being in charge and yet that’s where she was again, she was the one that went into the CoL to end ALIE. She listened to Becca and ALIE’s discourse until the very last moment. She admitted that she ran away and that it didn’t work, she still felt the pain and guilt every moment she was away from her people and Clarke tells ALIE that given a real choice, her people would choose otherwise. With two seconds on the clock before ALIE upgrades, Clarke declares that “you don’t ease pain, you overcome it” and with that, she pulled the lever, and essentially condemned every single person, Skaikru and Grounder alike to death in six months. Strangely enough, Season 4 didn’t have a lever... well, it did, for Bellamy. We have Clarke climbing a radio tower with a raging wall of fire coming straight at her and Bellamy inside Becca’s bunker begging for her to get there so they could “be together” in space (I’m dying inside about this) and because the avionics are fritzing, Raven is freaking out and so Bellamy hops inside the rocket and pulls the door closed (lever?) he’s dying inside, Emori and Harper are up in arms about it (I’m being dramatic because I’m distraught over it!) Clarke watches her people shoot up into the sky and out of the atmosphere from the top of her princess tower (now I’m getting bitter), she nearly falls off the tower as she’s trying to move the satellite, she throws her tablet when it dies, not knowing if the signal sent and even though she thinks she’s killed her friends (and Echo), she still saves herself by getting back to the bunker while the firey, radiation inferno comes over the island. Granted, I wouldn’t put it past Rothenberg to have made Becca’s bunker door open and close with a lever and we just didn’t see it due to time constraints and watching Clarke slide and collapse to the floor was a lot cooler than dealing with the large cost of CGI that watching Clarke close the bunker door with a wall of fiery radiation about to kill her. (There could be an argument that the future Wonkru’s bunker ceiling latch was a lever and Clarke locking Bellamy inside during the Conclave was symbolic but it was a wheel, not very convenient or aesthetically pleasing with the fifteen minutes it takes to open the damn thing.) SEASON 5: This monstrosity is reminiscent of Season 1, which the actors claimed as the season was being promoted (much like Season 6... hmm... I’m underwhelmed at this point), though it’s also true because Clarke is standing at the door--and lever--of Eligius IV as a massive bomb is about to be dropped on the only inhabitable place on the planet and Bellamy’s outside waiting on his “family” (I’m not using quotations to belittle their 6 year bond, but Raven and Echo are already inside, his girlfriend and second in command are inside and he’s waiting outside for Monty, Emori, and Murphy) “Clarke, you do what you have to. I’m not leaving my friends,” he said. Then the dramatic asshole that Bellamy is turned around to look at her for this next part, “I can’t do that again.” Clarke waits those too long and too few spare moments to get them all in because they show up!!!! The tough decision Clarke had to make with the lever was not pulling it, knowing that the man she loved (no denying it with Madi’s words to him moments before) was outside.

I promised myself this wasn’t going to be a long Bellarke post but of course, that’s what it turned into. Though I did catch Echo essentially saving Clarke when she found out Abby wasn’t with everyone. There’s a little, minuscule bit of redemption there, I’m not saying that I agree with Rothenberg about Echo being a good guy now, but there was some redemption in that little thing she did, though with Bellamy there it was probably for show... fuck... I’m torn now.

Also, season 5 finale, Jordan flipping the switch to reveal the planet with 2 suns could be considered a lever... right? Right?! It’s a stretch at this point, I know.

Did any of this make sense?

Have I been awake for 38 hours?

[hawthornewhisperer]

Fairly Coherent Thoughts on 404

A lack of bellarke interactions means a lack of screaming but that means a slightly better put together recap so hey, trade off?

What the fuck was Jaha even floating on?  A mattress?  Can he even swim?  Was he rowing back to shore?  I have so many questions.

Also, Clarke being like OKAY THE ALLOTTED THREE MINUTES OF FUN TIME HAVE PASSED EVERYONE BACK TO WORK while wearing her best grumpy cat face is like, Peak Clarke I love it.

Things I also love: Monty’s continuing role as truth-teller, both to Clarke and Jasper.  I get why Monty was upset about her methods and I also get why Clarke was feeling defensive and made the choices she did and god, it is so good to have our show back y’all.

That being said: Clarke’s complete inability to sell The List to her people is definitely a sign that she needs Bellamy.  Jaha stepped in with his (obviously gonna be rigged) lottery to calm people down, but man, that was so clearly highlighting how bad Clarke is at this shit.  It’s a consistent character problem for her-- going back to the pilot-- and I love that she’s just like “Okay, but I’m right and you are not the best allocation of resources so...hey, where is everyone going?”

I felt like her talk with Jasper at the end of it was a really nice moment, Jaha shade included, but I also felt like the complete lack of even mentioning Bellamy was kind of jarring?  Like, Bellamy’s on that list too, as that random guy in the crowd so helpfully pointed out, and it’s very obvious to anyone with eyesight that Clarke did not put her own name on the list.  Everyone seems to understand they’re a package deal now, but yet this episode treated the List as 100% Clarke’s idea and fault in a way that doesn’t ring true with the previous three episodes.  So when Jasper is like “don’t lie to us, sell us on it” that felt like the perfect opening for a line like “That’s what I need Bellamy for,” or something, and it felt like a brief return to the lack-of-object-permanence of s3 in a way that grated.  (Obviously, since she explicitly worried about him not being back at the top of the episode and his name was mentioned at least twice in her presence it’s not as bad as Clarke’s Polis-induced Bellamy amnesia, but still).

As for the Medical Adventure Squad, I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of that except for Nyko’s death because dammit, Nyko was so nice and had such a big beard.  He was like the kindly post-apocalyptic biker, who opens doors for everyone and then crushes a beer can in his fist.  But the Luna/Raven moments were great, as was Miller sassing literally everyone and Raven sassing Murphy and Murphy sassing Emori and just...so much sass, all around.  I also loved that Raven appealed to Luna’s heart to get her to stay, and while I’m assuming the whole nightblood thing is not gonna pan out as well as we want it to, I do appreciate that the fandom crowdsourced this solution in like, June.

Okay, so: Polis.  I really, really liked the new building they’re using-- it gives the world a more realistic feel that they’re inhabiting partially destroyed buildings instead of just like, building new homes out of discarded materials.  (I know, I know, there’s the Polis tower, but that is so aggressively decorated with antlers that it feels less post-apoc and more, idk, like all grounders are descended from Gaston).  I also like that escaping/surviving massacres is now like, Indra’s superpower, and I hope she continues to wear plot armor for as long as this show is on the air.  Kane calling Murder!Child #2 into the principal’s office to yell at her was great, as was his scramble to keep Roan on his side.  I totally get why Roan is like “god, I am so done with you guys,” because he IS taking a big risk by supporting them and in return they’re being shady as fuck so like...breaking the treaty is kind of warranted, here.

But what we really have to talk about is Echo/Octavia/Bellamy.  First up, Echo and Kane’s that’s blasphemy/no it’s science! exchange really, really bugged me, because I would give good money (so like, idk, $30?) for there to be a grounder who is not instinctively terrified of technology.  I’m also a little unsure as to whether or not we’re supposed to cringe at Kane’s outright dismissal of a belief system in favor of cold hard facts, but I sure as hell did.  It reminded me of Clarke’s “show them you’re not a savage” line, and I do suspect it is supposed to sound tone deaf but the fact that we know that their science can save them makes Echo seem silly and superstitious and I wish it didn’t.

But then Echo slits Conveniently Well Informed Redshirt’s throat and goes to hunt Octavia at Charlotte’s Cliff and man, I need the show to get a better handle on what they’re doing with Bellamy and Echo and fast.  (Also, why are there so many cliffs in fucking Virginia.)  Echo is very clearly upset by having killed Octavia, and her regret is mostly played as “she knows this will hurt Bellamy” but I’m still not buying why she gives a hot dang about Bellamy in the first place.  Like yes, he saved her from Mount Weather and with apologies to JK Rowling there are some things you can’t share with a person without ending up liking them and strangling a man to death in your underwear is one of them, but her constant vacillation between I will destroy all of Skaikru and but what if it hurts Bellamy’s feelings? is not landing the way I want it to.  This may be something I’m just gonna have to accept (she cares about him because of the mountain and even if that’s not reason enough for me fine it can be reason enough in-show) and let go but for now I am hashtag struggle bus on that.

The moment where Roan makes Echo deliver the news is also very interesting.  Snaps to Zach McGowan, a man I would like to punch and then make out with for three straight hours, for managing to pack annoyance (with Echo’s fuck up), regret (for Octavia’s death), and genuine remorse (for Bellamy and Kane’s sadness) into one side eye.  Ian’s disbelief and grief was also nicely underplayed so as to not draw away from the main event, and Tasya did a great job of selling her own sorrow-- I do think she respected Octavia as a warrior, and it was a good death is probably the highest compliment she knows how to pay-- and then Bob killed us all with his grief.  I’m sure I’ll come back and dwell on “Bellamy without Octavia” in the future but for now let’s just say that was a bleak, bleak moment and everyone involved acted the shit out of it.

Lastly, on Octavia’s Aragorn moment: does it count as an homage if it’s just like, straight up the same scene? Also, in the post apocalyptic LARPing scene, Roan is clearly Elrond and Murderous Elf Prince (whom I missed tonight) is Legolas and obviously Octavia is Aragorn, and when they meet for campaigns Octavia definitely makes Bellamy be Gimli (he’d rather be Samwise but is pacified when given an axe) and Bellamy wants Clarke to be either Frodo or Eowyn but she’s like no fuck you I’m gonna be Galadriel and then Bellamy discovers he’s got an elf fetish after all.

Next week: Clarke does not like Roan’s birthday present for her at all.

[sueboohscorner]

The 100 404 Recap "A Lie Guarded" #The100

This episode's opening reminds us how fun Jasper Jordan can be. Jaha awakens on a mattress that's floating in the middle of a pond. He looks around, groggily assessing his surroundings, and Jasper calls out to him that he's been floated. The crowd laughs, and so does Jaha, and for a moment, the world doesn't feel like it's ending. 

But don't let your guard down, because a moment later, everyone's running inside to escape a sudden rainstorm, just in case this is "black rain," which carries radiation. Jasper still doesn't care about his life, though; he doesn't run with everyone else. While they watch in horror, he play-acts extreme radiation sickness, then laughs--it's just regular old rain. No one else thinks this is very funny.

Eager to follow up on the potential for Nightblood to save everyone, Abby is leading a mission to the island where ALIE was created. This is great, because it gives Murphy and Emori a way to make themselves useful to the group, piloting Emori's old smuggler boat and leading the way. Emori's still not sold on this whole joiner mentality, though; she quickly suggests to Murphy that they go hole up in the bunker where he used to be a wine-wasting captive.

Luna is along for the ride, of course, but she's really not into her role as Nightblood donor/reluctant savior/test subject. Nyko tells her to trust these people and let them try to save the world, but she acts like the potential outcome is irrelevant--it's the principle of the thing. I kind of hate her, because her selfish idealism is far more important to her than even trying to help others. 

As they reach the treeline on the island, ALIE's automated defenses kick in. Nyko is killed, Luna runs off, and our heroes have to split up to track her down. Raven's left behind because of her injuries, which gives her some quality time with the downed defense drone. She'll hack it so well she could use it as a teakettle.

Back in Polis, Kane has asked Octavia to sit down for a serious talk. This won't go well. He wants to reason with her and engage in a discussion of the difference between vengeance and justice. She's Skairipa, to whom vengeance is justice, and no one is innocent. Kane's real mistake is to bring up Pike. Sorry, Kane, you know I love you, but you're just never going to get Octavia to feel bad about killing Pike.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what Kane thinks about Octavia's Batman-esque behavior, because Kane's being stripped of his official position. Echo has indeed discovered how little effort is being expended toward saving anyone other than skaikru, and Roan is not interested in any more excuses. What's worse, they've also learned of the plan to manufacture Nightblood, and they see that as blasphemy within their belief system, not to mention a threat to their political standing.

Kane's under arrest, as is Bellamy, but at least they only go to jail for now; Echo slits a skaikru redshirt's throat, throwing Bellamy a glance that says, See how I'm sparing you? Remember this later.

Back in Arkadia, Monty and Jasper are trying to reconnect by breaking into the chancellor's office to prank Clarke. It's juvenile, and definitely beneath Monty, but totally within Jasper's wheelhouse these days. Of course, the dumbass prank is not the real story here--Jasper sees the list of 100 people Clarke has selected to survive, and he immediately knows what he's looking at. 

Clarke walks in on them, and Jasper's already trying to spread the word to the whole population, so she has him arrested. It's a perfect callback to how her father got floated for trying to tell the truth about the Ark, and Clarke knows this isn't a good look for her. 

She makes the mistake of not immediately confining Monty along with Jasper, though, perhaps because Monty's not known to be unstable. Monty runs for a microphone to finish Jasper's work.

Now, the truth is out. Everyone knows they're working to save some, but not all, of their population. Worse, they know the decision of who survives has already been made. Clarke is surrounded by an angry mob, demanding explanations for her choices.

Clarke's ability to coldly evaluate worth for the future is impressive, to be fair. She didn't just choose all her friends, all the people she trusts and relies on. (We saw how hard it was for her to admit to herself she wouldn't leave Bellamy off, because she was afraid it was a selfish choice!) Her evaluations were made on very clear criteria, such as including more women than men, because the future of the human race depends on bringing babies into the world. Challenged to explain why she omitted Harper's name, she was able to point to the hereditary medical condition in Harper's family line. She did her homework, that's for damn sure.

Of course, the bitter climax for this mob is raging at her for including herself and Bellamy. That's when Jaha shocks us all by helping out. "Of course she and Bellamy are on the list. The future needs strong, capable leaders." 

After validating the list, Jaha then nullifies it immediately by declaring that there will instead be a lottery. Every day that you show up and help prepare the shelter, your name goes in the lottery. The more days you put in work, the more chances you have to be picked when the time comes. It works to disperse the crowd and renew their willingness to contribute. 

Clarke points out that the lottery's randomness could ultimately hurt their chances for survival, but Jaha has solved the immediate problem, leaving the long-term planning for later. Rather like how Bellamy blew up the hydrogenerator to save a few people from captivity, acting as if it was unquestionable that Raven and Clarke would figure out a way to make it all okay later. I'm sensing a trend.

Speaking of Raven, she's managed to convince Luna not to steal the boat and abandon them all there. Also, I mean, has Luna not given any thought to the fact that if she doesn't help them, or if it doesn't work anyway, she will literally be the last living person on Earth in a few months? Is Luna crazy enough to want to be the sole survivor of the human race?

But I digress. Raven hacked the drone and got Luna to calm the hell down for a minute. They reach the underground complex where Becca did all her mad genius work back in the day. Time to start saving the world, Abby and Raven. 

Finally, Echo leads a team to hunt down Octavia, and our favorite badass manages to kill both Echo's comrades before getting stabbed and falling off a cliff. Echo presents Octavia's broken blade as proof of death, and Bellamy is utterly destroyed. (Notably, Echo was clearly reluctant to let Bellamy know what had happened or that she'd been involved. It's weird what having a crush looks like in warring clans!)

Of course, I was prepared to willfully disbelieve Octavia's death until I saw her dead body. I'm glad the show isn't going to leave us with that literal cliffhanger though! Her awesome horse finds her washed up along the riverside, and she struggles into the saddle to ride for Arkadia.

I'm giving this a 9. It beautifully dealt with Clarke's burdens and the uncomfortable similarities she's seeing more and more between herself and the old leadership she despised. It gave us back a little of fun Jasper, at long last. We got to enjoy Octavia's badassery and Raven's genius. The only knock on this episode for me is the untimely loss of Nyko. I think he deserved a better death.

What about you? Hit Like, and tell us all about it!