#the pirate arc is where i think he knows that he and jester are like

[justalittlebluetiefling]

I mean, okay. I know everyone has their opinions, but like, we know that Jester’s Fjord’s feelings for Jester started to shift at the jellyfish talk, because Travis has said that. But I also know in my heart that his feelings were really starting to manifest during this second temple talk. Like, this is that moment that I watch and I just know that he knows that he has a crush on her and he doesn’t want to, but he can’t help it.

[brensquared]

its fascinating to see how nott talks about her family and the clan in the time between the end of the pirate arc and when the nein go to felderwin for the first time. because on the one hand shes So vague about everything, avoids giving any straight answers, and in hindsight thats sus (and definitely foreshadowing the fact that almost everything we knew about her up until that point was missing some crucial information for context, or simply false).

on the OTHER hand, she keeps referring to Yeza as her "friend" (and interestingly, I dont think any of the other party members - even jester - have suggested Yeza might have been someone nott loved romantically?). which means that veth is two for two on "downplayed the depth of my romantic feelings/interest in a nerdy guy by referring to him as a friend/platonic relation".

and that, in and of itself, is interesting! at this point in time (episode 48), nott doesnt believe she could ever really be with Yeza again. she hasnt reunited with him, her family thinks shes dead. so instead of allowing herself to grieve that relationship, she puts a distance there. hes not her husband, hes a friend. hes just a guy she knew. she didnt grow up a halfling in felderwin, she was with the clan. she invents this elaborate fake backstory for goblin nott and yeza's "past" together - because she still loves him, so much, and she cant fully cut him out of her history and her life and her heart

and then theres caleb - nott clearly felt so so much for him, and it was so complicated. as nott she could freely admire him, and follow him, and be his friend and walk beside him and sleep curled up next to him (because veth was the one who slept next to yeza, and veth was dead, wasn't she?) The collision of her reluctant new identity as Nott and her history as Veth as the nein go to rescue Yeza brings those conflicting feelings to the forefront; in some ways they each represent her possible choices, in the span of time between late arc 3 and the beginnings of arc 5. live a peaceful life as a housewife with yeza, or continue adventuring with caleb.

We know, despite everything, that she did feel romantic attraction to Caleb because of a scene where she admits but also downplays it - she claims that on the night they first met, she felt some attraction to him, but then she got to know him and she stopped feeling that way. but then, right before they perform Transmogrification, she tells him he is the second love of her life and kisses him - the most honest about her feelings for him that I think she ever was, to herself and others.

she put that distance between herself and her feelings for caleb because she felt guilty, because it wasn't something she was supposed to still want, now that she had her husband back.

i think it's very interesting to see that that behavior isnt just something she did in regards to caleb, but that shes also seen doing it with her marriage; moreover, I think it all fits into the patterns of behavior where nott/veth prioritizes the needs of others over her own. shes so focused on other people because she cant stop and examine her own wants or needs without falling apart on some level, so she just pushes them aside, downplays what's going on, and acts like nothing is wrong

[princessamericachavez]

There’s this thing that keeps happening during the Rumblecusp that I find fascinating when it comes to the Fjord-Jester-Caleb dynamic. It’s kinda funny but also kinda sad, to be honest. 

(This isn’t intended as ship hate or even criticism, just analyzing a dynamic I’ve seen several times in the campaign and Rumblecusp seemed to really encapsulate)

Like, Caleb keeps trying to show affection to Jester and keeps getting deflected into Fjorester moments. Like, how he’s the first one to point out that she looks a little pale and sick in the jungle... and Jester immediately turns and asks Fjord to feel her forehead and “do I feel hot, Fjord” and Fjord checks her temperature and dramatically heals her and all that leads to the “I just don’t want you to get hurt” conversation. Or how Caleb keeps trying to start conversations about the Traveler with her, but when push comes to shove she confides in Fjord about her religious doubts in the “I don’t care about 200 people... I do care about you” conversation. Or how, when she’s getting pulled up with Artagan, Caleb tries to grab on to her with the cat paw but it fails and it’s Fjord who eventually reaches her and pleads with her and affects her enough to second guess her choice (as Laura pointed out in Talks) so it’s him who gets the “Thank you for coming after him. I’m glad you were holding on to me.”

And, here’s the thing, it makes sense. Jester isn’t doing it on purpose, she isn’t even actively shutting Caleb down or something, because she just doesn’t know, as far as we know she doesn’t see him like that and thus his actions do not register as romantic in her head. We see several times how her attention turns back to Fjord, because he is who Jester is currently interested in. We all do that, our crushes have an especial magnetism when it comes to our attention (a gravity, as Fjord put it). 

(Worth noting, this has been happing since wayyyyy back in the 1st pirate arc. Think about how Caleb pointed out Jester work a happy mask to hide her sadness, but it was Fjord who she finally opened up to. Or how the one very sweet heart on heart they have in Darktow becomes about her feelings for Fjord.)

So, ultimately, I guess it makes sense for me that Caleb “gave up” by the time they reached Rexxentrum, why he started pushing them together instead, and making jokes about “being good with babies”, and just generally reaching a place of acceptance before his little recognition moment in 120. He was competing in a game where the other two didn’t even know he was playing. 

And, as much as I love Fjorester, I do find it heartbreaking. 

[night-filled-mountain]

Captivity and Escape in Critical Role

So this post has been sitting in my drafts for about half a year. It’s about a persistent theme I noticed throughout campaign 2, which I’m sure others have noticed and written about before, but parallels and recurring themes have always been my Thing, and I couldn’t let it go. And with last week’s episode, and the campaign finale airing tonight, and the dominance of this theme being more glaringly obvious than ever, I thought I’d just give myself a treat and finish up a giant meta post. For old times’ sake.

So, just for the heck of it, here’s an exhaustive exploration of a single through-line of campaign 2 since the very beginning: captivity, and escaping or being freed from it.

Let’s start by taking a quick look at everyone’s backstories, the things that happened to them before the campaign even started, and how they were ultimately resolved. 

FJORD: Entered unknowingly and unwillingly into a pact with Uk’otoa, which bound him to perform services he never agreed to in exchange for powers he never asked for. Fjord did not know how he got into this pact or how to get out of it. He makes his escape when he pitches his sword into a lava river and pledges himself to the Wildmother.

JESTER: Spent the majority of her life “locked in her room” (or at least hidden from sight) until the consequences of one of her pranks forcibly liberated her into the wider world. While Jester loves her mother dearly and thinks of her long “captivity” as being for her own protection, its negative effects on her--loneliness, insecurity, a lack of worldly experience and social awareness--were still apparent, and she spends much of the campaign working through them.

BEAU: Her parents had her kidnapped by monks. It could be argued that even before the kidnapping, she was a prisoner to her father’s “over-protective” tendencies and her parents’ expectations when it came to her career, behavior, gender role, etc. But most significantly, she was very much kidnapped by monks, and made her escape from the Cobalt Soul shortly before we met her.

CALEB: Where to start? First he suffered coercion and abuse at the hands of Trent (a form of captivity); then he was made to torture and execute prisoners; then he spent eleven years literally imprisoned in an asylum, and had to kill and steal in order to escape; and four and a half years later, he met Nott when they were both thrown in jail (and had to engineer their own escape once again). Caleb’s ordeals ultimately made him a prisoner of his own guilt and fear, and escaping that prison has been the heart of his storyline.

VETH/NOTT: Besides the aforementioned stint in jail, the catalyst for her entire adventuring career was being captured by goblins along with her family--and then, after engineering the escape of her husband and son, being imprisoned in the wrong body (and subsequently enslaved!). The desire to escape from this second imprisonment was her driving motivation through much of the campaign. With Caleb’s help (and Essek’s, and Jester’s), she ultimately succeeds.

MOLLY: His first memory was of clawing his way out of a grave, which is just about as extreme a form of captivity and escape as you can get. More subtly, he was also a prisoner to the expectations placed on his body--to the life that body once lived, which he could not remember and refused to claim. Arguably (and tragically), his escape from this particular prison is his own death...until Cree resurrects Lucien, Mollymauk fragment and all. Then he presumably becomes a prisoner much like Yasha was, subsumed body and soul by a mind and a will that are not his own. Until last week.

... (incoherent sobbing)

Until last week.

YASHA: She was a prisoner to her clan’s laws and expectations. Her brief attempt to escape this prison through a forbidden marriage ended tragically, and then she was forced to make a second, literal escape (fleeing into the desert)--only to be (presumably) possessed by Obann, imprisoned inside her own mind, and forced to do his bidding until the Storm Lord liberated her once again.

CADUCEUS: When the gang first meet him, he’s literally a prisoner of his own fear (and/or inertia)--though his whole family has left the Blooming Grove, he’s been too afraid or hesitant to brave the corruption of the Savalirwood without companionship, and spent years isolated in the family temple as a result. The Mighty Nein (or rather, Caleb, Nott, Beau, Keg, and Nila) initiate his escape.

***

And that’s just the backstories! Now let’s take a look at each of the places the Mighty Nein have visited since they came together, and the story arcs therein.

***

TROSTENWALD - CARNIVAL ARC: This arc’s entire goal is to free the (future) Mighty Nein and the other carnies from jail or house arrest. (Much later, the M9 come back to pay Gustav’s debt and liberate him as well.) And remember that Beau is especially sympathetic to Toya’s predicament because she, too, was once a young girl held somewhere against her will.

ALFIELD - GNOLL ARC: This arc’s entire goal is to free the citizens of Alfield who have been kidnapped by gnolls to feed to their manticore leader (and to kill off the gnolls and manticore to keep it from happening again).

ZADASH: The Mighty Nein’s first undertaking in Zadash is to kill off the giant spiders in the sewer. In the process, they free a halfling imprisoned in a spiderweb, which leads them to the Gentleman and all his future quests.

Aside from that, their biggest job in Zadash this time around is the High Richter heist--which, yes, is a mercenary/political job that goes terribly wrong, but why does it go terribly wrong? Because Ulog, the M9′s NPC ally at the time, is so furious over his wife being wrongfully imprisoned by the High Richter that he impulsively blows up both her and himself. And arguably the most poignant moment in the heist’s aftermath is Caleb speaking to the next High Richter, Dolan, and ensuring that Ulog’s wife will be freed.

Also, let’s not forget the drow the M9 meet in the sewer. The one they capture, interrogate, and ultimately...let go. Yes, he’s killed shortly afterward and his beacon falls into their hands, but I think it’s very important to remember that the decision they make, when holding a captive terrorist from an “enemy” nation, is to return his stolen artifact to him and let him walk away free.

LABENDA SWAMP/BERLEBEN: The most memorable events during this interlude are: (1.) The M9 literally freeing Kiri from the swamp, where she is stuck in the mud and at the mercy of crocodiles, and (2.) Bowlgate, a.k.a. Caleb and Beau’s tense confrontation over what to do with Calianna, which is once again fueled on Beau’s side by her sympathy for a young woman held against her will. (Caleb proposes that Cali spend the night with the M9, which she did not intend, so they can use spells to determine her truthfulness the next day.)

HUPPERDOOK: This one’s obvious: The M9 fight a deadly automaton to free two gnomes from prison and reunite them with their children (largely to prevent said children from being taken to an orphanage against their will).

GLORY RUN ROAD/SHADYCREEK RUN - IRON SHEPHERDS ARC: ...Even more obvious. The sole goal of the remaining M9 members (and Nila) throughout this arc is to free their friends from slavery. They end up slaughtering all the slavers and freeing several other captives as well.

LUSIDIAN OCEAN - PIRATE ARC: Here’s where things get really interesting. Because this whole arc is also about captivity and freedom, isn’t it?

It’s about whether or not to free a little old captive named Uk’otoa!

I haven’t given nearly enough thought to how this arc fits in with all the others thematically, considering its central lesson is that freeing this particular captive would be a very bad thing. I do think it’s significant that:

(1.) The beginning of this arc, which leaves the whole party feeling so bad and icky, involves them quite inadvertently taking a captive of their own--and one whom they don’t treat very well. (And still don’t, for that matter...poor Marius.)

(2.) Soon after that incident, the M9 are themselves effectively taken captive by Avantika and her crew. This situation doesn’t last nearly as long as many audience members (and quite possibly Matt, and quite possibly the players themselves!) thought it would, because they panic on Darktow, go all Wall of Fire, and free themselves in a huge, climactic, desperate battle. The Mighty Nein do not take well to captivity.

Anyhow, they follow all this up with...

FELDERWIN/XHORHAS - YEZA ARC: ...another very straightforward quest to free a captive. Not only is this arc all about rescuing Yeza from a Xhorhasian dungeon, but after Caleb returns the beacon, after the Bright Queen of Xhorhas offers the Mighty Nein anything they want...all they ask her for is to let them go.

BAZZOXAN & BEYOND - OBANN ARC: ...By now, you know where I’m going with this, right? The entire arc is about freeing Yasha from Obann, who has her imprisoned inside her own body, inside her own mind. There’s a reason That Moment in the cathedral hit so hard, right? “And as you close your eyes, you see yourself breaking the shackles. You see the influence no longer holding any sway over your soul. There's nothing but the storm, vengeance, and hope.”

(Bonus: In the middle of the above arc, we get the HAPPY FUN BALL - RESCUING YUSSA ARC, which, once again, is devoted to freeing a captive.)

KAMORDAH/CYRIOS MOUNTAINS - ISHARNAI ARC: Aimed entirely at freeing Nott from the body in which she was imprisoned. Beau also has a bit of a freedom arc here: confronting the parents who imprisoned her figuratively and literally, turning her back on them (possibly for good), and then confronting a major source of the expectations and superstitions they shackled her with: Isharnai, who is neutralized by Jester’s cupcake.

THE MENAGERIE - CLAY ARC: Aimed entirely at freeing Caduceus’s family, who are imprisoned in perhaps the most literal way possible, being turned to stone. (The M9 also manage to liberate the Stone family while they’re at it.)

RUMBLECUSP - TRAVELER CON: Two great liberations take place here. First, all the residents of the Village of Vo are freed from Vokodo’s influence, their memories restored, their blind devotion dispelled, able once again to choose the course of their own lives. Second, the followers of the Traveler are freed from the deception he’s imposed on them, the cult he’s roped them into. Thanks to the Moonweaver’s interference, they, too, are free to make informed decisions. And I think we can also safely say that Artagan is freed from them, from the false “god” role he managed to box himself into, and he’s happier for it.

EISELCROSS - SOMNOVEM ARC: ...And this is it, folks. This is why I decided to finish this post today. Because I was openly not feeling the Eiselcross arc as an endgame. The hard slog through the elements just wasn’t doing it for me, or the frequent combat, or the increasingly complex lore, or the traditionally heroic quest to save the world from being swallowed by a monstrous city.

...Until last week. Until Lucien’s defeat. And Molly’s oh-so-improbable resurrection.

When I heard all the voices of the Somnovem whispering “Thank you” as their individual souls were freed from the Lovecraftian hivemind...when I heard Jester sobbing that at least Molly’s soul wasn’t “trapped” inside a monstrous Lucien anymore...when Cad’s Divine Intervention succeeded, and Mollymauk Tealeaf opened his eyes--his two plain old natural eyes--unburdened by Lucien and his Somnovem eyes and all of his dark baggage for the first time--I was finally able to embrace this as the ending.

Because it’s not about saving the world. That’s just a bonus. It’s about saving a friend. Freeing a friend. Freeing captives, wherever they find them. Whether from Crown’s Guard, gnolls, and giant spiders, or from royal dungeons; whether from ruthless enemies or from their own families; whether from eldritch abominations or from the forces that chain their own minds.

In the end, the Mighty Nein--and the people whose lives they touch--belong to no one and nothing that they do not choose to belong to. They belong to themselves, to the people they most sincerely love, to the gods and causes they have chosen freely. And that has always, always been my favorite kind of story.

And I can’t wait for tonight.

[vividxp]

I was scrolling the crspoilers tag on twitter and found a screenshot that someone posted of their talks question submission that asked if Matt felt a way that the group sidelined their revolutionary ideas as soon as they gained power.  

And my instant reaction was:

Hold on, ‘revolutionary ideas?! the M9?!’

Wait, ‘power?! The M9?!’

Now, I actually think the bare essence of the question is a valid and interesting one; Matt clearly had plans about the setting of Wildemount and there were opportunities for the characters to really get involved in its contentious politics. But I would not describe the M9′s ideas or actions throughout the campaign as ‘revolutionary’ in any sense of the word. In fact for the most part the M9 have actively avoided getting involved in things unless it concerned a person they cared about. Arguably, it wasn’t until this last arc where you started to see the M9 start to move in a different direction.

So, sure, I absolutely would love to know how Matt felt about how the players approached the setting. I would like to know if he had to change things up because he felt the players weren’t responding to or having fun with what he put out there.

I wonder if in retrospect, recognizing that the M9 was very focused on their in-group, Matt would have tried harder to try and give the M9 some stakes and investment in Wildemount that were more than just existential and universal (as the Eiselcross arc was).

I think the biggest issue for anyone who was hoping for a revolutionary turn for the M9 is that the vast majority of the characters appeared to be/were disconnected from the political realities of the Empire and Dynasty which were the highlight of the campaign. Jester and Fjord were from Menagerie Coast which was neutral territory. Even at the height of the war between the Empire and the Dynasty, Nicodranus didn’t take a side, so it was the place where the M9 could go and not be worried about the Empire or Dynasty getting involved in their business. Yasha is Xhorhassian but from outside the Kryn Dynasty and from a tribe she was alienated from at the beginning of the campaign. Molly and Caduceus are from Shady Creek Run and the Blooming Grove respectively, two areas that once again are outside of the Empire and the Dynasty.

Beau, Caleb and Veth were citizens of the Empire. But despite that, Caleb was basically a nonentity and for the most part he wanted to keep it that way. He had a few moments here and there, but it was only until after the war wound down that he was like ‘ok, it’s not enough for only me to escape the Cerberus Assembly’. (Which is fine, mind you, that’s called having a character arc).

Beau is the only character that I would describe as someone who gained power during the campaign. However, I felt that becoming an expositor made only made Beau more invested in shaking shit up politically not less. However early on in the campaign, what did being a member of the Cobalt Soul actually mean for her? The Cobalt Soul never gave her any missions but allowed her to be a free agent and report back anything interesting that she found. There were some moments with Dairon during the Xhorhas arc, but again it fell mostly on Dairon to do that work instead of Beau and there wasn’t really any follow up on the choice Beau made to help them infiltrate the Dynasty especially since Dairon didn’t really discover anything the M9 didn’t already know. There was so much potential there but very little opportunity when it came to Beau who IMO would have absolutely risen to the moment.

And finally, you have Mrs. Veth Brenatto. Here’s a flaming hot take for y’all: the investment and stakes that the M9 had in the politics of Wildemount for the campaign was mainly because of Veth. Take her away and the M9 would have probably been pirates and out of things for a whole lot longer. 

But even then, there were opportunities with Veth that were missed. For example, her whole entire backstory. The goblins who raided Felderwin during a harsh winter and killed her? Would that have happened if the Empire had treated goblins as actual citizens and not monsters to be eradicated? As Nott the Brave, it didn’t really matter that Yeza would have accepted her as a goblin, her home was still closed off to her because the Empire and the society at large would rather see her dead. 

Though mind you, despite all that backstory it was never really engaged with at all. And Veth’s antipathy towards goblins seemed to be treated as a unique, personal character flaw that came from nowhere. But that makes zero sense! It wasn’t like the goblins who killed her could have went to the market that winter. The Empire is a deeply racist society that systematically excluded goblins from society and violently suppressed them into the margins. We got to see how things were in the Dynasty were goblins were allowed to live freely and participate in society. The issue and moral of the story isn’t ‘well Veth has to realize that goblins aren’t all bad’ the issue is to realize that she was the casualty of a moral and political failure of the Empire. That her circumstance was the consequence of a society that makes sure that the only option a group has for survival is violence. Those dots could have been connected and there was potential for change if the issue was ever confronted directly, but alas. 

I have a lot more retrospective thoughts on the campaign, but long story short, I think that while you could argue that maybe the M9 were moving towards a more revolutionary direction and perhaps if the campaign kept going a little longer we could have seen it especially confronting a political institution like the Cerberus Assembly. But I definitely think the M9, for better or for worse, was very much a neutral party.

[gaawachan]

Discord Convo: Yasha, Essek, Culture, Shadowgast Ramblings

Me: Man I wish Essek and Yasha could have - nvm I'll finish that thought later.

Sibling: I KNOW. I ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY AND I WISH YASHA HAD BEEN MORE PRESENT IN THE STORY

Me: Stop doing the hive mind thing. it's invasive. i feel violated.

Sibling: I can't help it.

Me: But yeah Essek and Yasha. I find it very interesting because there's actually a lot of crossover in their temperaments, but in terms of physical presentation, they couldn't be more different. They both came from completely different sub-cultures in Xhorhas, and it's like... that temperament among the Rosohna Drow. It makes me think that they learned how to like... Okay hang on this is hard to put into words... Right so from a meta perspective, it reads like Matt took Yasha's basic temperament and applied it to other people of Xhorhas.  Like Yasha was a broader expression of typical mannerisms of Xhorhas (except that Yasha was no longer bound by the modesty of the cultures there, and having been exposed to Molly, was freer with her sexuality after it was stifled in the Wastes in her youth). Right? So with that thought in mind, look at Essek. Essek doesn't have the same trauma Yasha has so he doesn't have the same sort of dysfunctions, but when you first meet Yasha, she does display a casual arrogance/confidence about her power, and Essek has the temperament, but what he lacks is the freedom from modesty. He's extremely withdrawn.

Sibling: Are you saying he's going to become an e-boy? Because there's no promises that under that cloak, he isn't already one lmaoooo

Me: Well, I think it's interesting because this is actually one underrated area where I think Caleb would actually be really good for him and vice versa. It also says a lot about the odd intersections of culture in Xhorhas, because in old drow society, sex was uh... you know, let's not go into that.

Sibling: Just all of the nasty tags from AO3

Me: but my point is that it makes sense that the Kryn dynasty would be heavily influenced by and adopt a lot of the mannerisms and cultural relations from the people of Xhorhas because... they would be trying to distance themselves from the violence of their past by integrating stuff from the cultures they colonized. It makes sense that maybe the nomads of the wastes would impact their mannerisms and dynamics, though you can see echos of old drow culture in the dynasty, of course, with the dens and all.

Sibling: They're doing what the pirates from Wind Waker did once they found New Hyrule lol. "Yes, oh yes. We love technology"

Me: Yeah. So anyway, Yasha and Essek would have been interesting to have more interactions with.

Sibling: I mean, both are good characters? They just didn't have a lot of screentime, and it didn't really seem like Ashley was super interested in exploring her past. It doesn't help that Yasha was essentially silent for all major character interactions lol.

Me: They are both socially awkward, with casual confidence in their skills, and somewhat similar mannerisms, but Essek is very modest but manipulative, and Yasha is very upfront/blunt, and both of them have the guilt thing going on. Going back to Essek and Caleb. I think that their immediate positive effects on each other are obvious, but on this topic specifically... Caleb's only ever hesitant with his affection because of his trauma, really.  You get the distinct impression that he used to be a lot more touchy feely (just look at his early game dynamic with Nott), and while he is usually very polite, he has no problem with being blunt about his sexuality when he thinks he can get away with it. At the same time, Caleb's history with sex and relationships is really twisted and complicated, so he needs a partner who is respectful of boundaries and willing to check what is going on at any given time. In other words, he needs someone who is not like Molly (no offense to widomauk shippers).

Sibling: I mean, that was the primary problem with Molly. They had no sense of boundaries and that was good for someone like Yasha. Not so much for people with trauma related to lack of boundaries.

Me: (text dump) No, Molly DID have a sense of boundaries; they deliberately crossed them in order to make people uncomfortable. THAT was my biggest problem with Molly. Molly knew exactly what they were doing. Taliesin said as much. It's why I never shipped widomauk, because it’s yet another relationship where casual disregard for Caleb's comfort is present. It's why if I had shipped Caleb with anyone other than Essek, it would have been Fjord or Caduceus (but he's a disinterested ace and I respect that) or Yasha (but she's gay and I respect that) simply because they were clearly the ones who appeared most cognizant of Caleb's social comfort levels and such (so basically widofjord is what I'm saying, lol).  This isn’t a widomauk hate thing; it’s just not to my taste because I relate too much to hating having my personal boundaries deliberately treated with disrespect. That's going off on a tangent, though.

Essek, in contrast, needs someone who he can let his hair down with comfortably. Essek seems to only really feel that way around Caleb and Jester. Caleb's the only one Essek really initiates touch with. Caleb's the one who gets Essek to swear for the first time, like Caleb swearing gave Essek permission to do the same just for the hell of it. Caleb and Jester, more than the others, made it clear that he's allowed to be goofy when he's with them.  The two of them joking around with Immovable Object (and Caleb openly participating in that clownery with Seeming and such when he and Essek have so much in common) makes Essek feel comfortable with exploring not having a stick up his ass 24/7, which is exactly what a clearly extremely repressed person like Essek could benefit from in a partner, a person who he can relax around and vent with, because he's very obviously never had that before, or at least not consistently. And how did he get to that point?

It's from a thing about Caleb that is extremely underrated. Caleb, be it from his natural personality or that coupled with his training, knows the value of being openly vulnerable.  It's very clearly NOT something that Trent specifically taught him.  Caleb recognizes that the best way to manipulate people is to be sweet and earnest and awkward and TRUTHFUL about his beliefs and vulnerabilities, but this pays off in ways unintended. Caleb expects it to just be transactional, but people end up genuinely forming bonds with him because of it, and what's more, that he does that with such regularity results in other people responding in kind (which is the goal).  Someone as reserved as Essek could only stand to be vulnerable BECAUSE Caleb made HIMSELF vulnerable first. I think the best thing Liam ever did for Shadowgast was make it clear that everything he said to Essek may have been manipulative... but every word of it was also true, because Essek is clever enough to recognize that honesty.

The most underrated line in Essek's growth as a person doesn't even come from Essek, and it doesn't come from Caleb talking to Essek. I think people forget about this, but during the final conversation with the scourger, which Essek was present for... the scourger asks Caleb why he's bothering with her. And Caleb says (paraphrasing) "I think that I hoped if I could see one hint of change from you, I could believe that we aren't both damned." Imagine being Essek and hearing that. It recontextualizes everything about Essek's growth. The rapid change between the boat scene and Aeor isn't just because Essek wants to be a better person. It's because he wants to prove to Caleb that Caleb isn't damned, because no one has ever done that for Caleb. Caleb is so obviously drowning in his past during the Aeor arc. That sort of hope is something he desperately needed. It's one of the few things about the Aeor arc that isn't botched by the rush to end the series; Essek's consistent determination to be a positive influence on Caleb, for Caleb, was gold from start to finish. Remember too that by the time of the boat scene, Caleb had already met with Astrid and had that disheartening conversation. Essek's efforts to become a better person feel like he's trying to almost unknowingly undo the damage that the recent interactions with Astrid and Trent had done to Caleb's psyche.

... tldr, Caleb is going to teach Essek how to be a manslut... in private... jk but not really.

Sibling: I SAID THAT EBOY ESSEK LOL! Ugh... that final epilogue screwing over my favorite MLM ship... It's not canon. They went and made their own school, and lived forever in disguises to keep the scourgers coming after them.

*That was the end of this part of the conversation.  On reflection, I ought to have noted that Essek’s modesty might not be so much a cultural thing as it is an “Essek trying to keep people away from him like a prickly porcupine” thing, but you never know.  If it is cultural, that may be the result of the dynasty trying to distance themselves to the practices of those who worship Lolth, but I don’t know that Exandria lore has ever said anything about this?  And if it is a cultural thing, is it limited to the nobility, like Essek? One could also argue that the cultural practices of Yasha’s people, with the arranged marriages and such, may have influenced the dynasty’s own cultural formation, but I feel like I didn’t make that clear enough?  Anyway, that’s why it’s a ramble.

[ghostofaminaanima]

This post contains opinions

SPOILERS FOR THE END OF C2E141

I never post my thoughts for Critical Role, but I want to read this for whenever I watch the finale again. Maybe in a week, month or year from now.

Right now, the finale is still fresh and emotions are high in the fandom. Not everyone is happy with the ending and I try to avoid those posts as best as I can. (I once let a negative meta post interfere with my enjoyment of a character and I never want that to happen again.) But I have to get this out:

For me, Kingsley is definitely the same person as Molly. I think people sometimes confused the person Molly was with the person they made him out to be. They missed the person who sacrificed themselves in a risky attempt to save Jester, Fjord and Yasha. They missed the person Molly could’ve been or could’ve become alongside the Nein. They missed a Molly during the pirate arc, the Xorhas arc, the Obann arc, the peace treaties and Rumblecusp. They missed Molly then and they miss him still. They felt an absence where a person could’ve been all that time.

Is that bad? No!

I missed that person too. I felt Molly’s absence just as much as anybody else did during these months. Who hasn’t thought about what Molly might have done at certain parts of the story? But that imagined Molly isn’t real. The real person at the end of the Campaign is Kingsley.

But this is the biggest point I want to make: Kingsley is, to me, still Molly. There's nothing to mourn, because it's the same person with the same mannerisms, the abrasive jokes and the sharp, sarcastic responses. This is still the same Tiefling, minus the memories plus a new name. This is his new life, but it’s his third one too.

Molly said this about Lucien too: “I am not that person anymore.” Yet we all saw the comparisons between Lucien and Molly: the mannerisms, the accent, the choice of words. If you can believe Lucien is still Molly, then you can believe Kingsley is still Molly.

And isn’t it the most Molly/Kingsley thing to do to cast off the person they were before and start afresh? Wasn’t that the exact same thing that made Molly tick? Molly, the person who tattooed their body to make it their own, who chose a new name for himself and avoided everything he had to do with their past? Of course Kingsley would start his life by doing the same! I don’t fault him for that. I actually love him for that even more. This shows to me Kingsley is the same person as Molly, as was Lucien.

Kingsley(Molly) has nicknames for everybody. Kingsley(Molly) is soft with Yasha, gruff with Beau and flirty with Caleb. Kingsley(Molly) loves parties and makes impulsive decisions to join a pirate/circus crew. Kingsley(Molly) likes traveling with a ragtag group of adventurers to see what they can get up to.

This is the exact same person we last saw in Hupperdook and you cannot convince me otherwise. The fact that Kingsley(Molly) doesn’t remember this, is what some people find disturbing, but the memory loss was always a possibility. It happened when Lucien became Molly, thus it could happen when Lucien becomes Kingsley.

The missing memories aren’t a ‘problem’ in my opinion. On the contrary: they present an opportunity. An opportunity of a fresh start. With this, the Nein can get to know Kingsley(Molly) again, become friends again. Molly died before they truly got to know him the last time around and this time, this time the Nein can do it right.

They can make new memories. And hasn’t the theme of making something new been there the whole campaign long? Yasha with her missing memories, Caleb with his years in Vergessen, Veth becoming Nott and then Veth again, Jester who had been hidden away most of her youth, Fjord who had to unlearn his Vandran act, Caduceus who had to leave his home and his ‘destined’ job of being the one who stayed. They all found something new, because the old life chafed and even hurt at times.

And now we have Kingsley, who got a third chance to make something new of his life. And I wouldn’t want him to be some hollow shell of Lucien, or some echoing ghost of Molly. I wish Kingsley the life he never got before. No, this isn’t some sad ending. For me, this is the perfect beginning.

[c-is-for-circinate]

Y’all this episode had everything I could possibly have wanted and things I never even knew to wish for.

How did one episode start with Henry Crabgrass, the most glorious and beloved NPC of my heart, and end with mother fucking Avantika, with so much awesome shit in between!!!  How!!!

Okay I am making a list of shit I absolutely loved tonight, in approximate chronological order:

Y’all I just love Henry Crabgrass so much.  I don’t even have smart things to say about that fact, just a warm glow in my heart.  May all the light of Melora’s grace smile down upon them and leave Henry as the toughest, most unkillable patch of crabgrass in all Exandria.

Vess and the Tombtakers, so many questions and so few certain answers, so many things to wonder, so many dots to connect!  I really do feel like the crew are connecting them at this point, and while I’m sure in some places they’re far from the map, the general outline really is starting to emerge.  What, exactly, was in the book the Tombtakers tried to claim without showing it to Vess deRogna first?  What did it do to Lucien?  And, if Vess has the book--what are they trying to find now?

So okay, let’s talk about Yasha and Beau. As someone who has had a lot of feelings about the intense relatability of Beau’s crush on Jester, I have now fully committed to also having a whole lot of mostly new feelings about these terrible awkward disaster lesbians with no fucking idea what they’re doing.  I saw a post the other day mention how this whole relationship is about the feeling of discovering you can have this, that you can actually be happy, that you get to have this kind of relationship with someone.  I’ve written about that.  And I feel it so, so hard, every time I see them interact, when every bit of bravado leaves both of them. It’s so easy to be off-putting!  It’s so easy to have crushes on wonderful people you kind of wish would look at you but you’re absolutely sure never will.  It’s so hard to actually know what the fuck to do in the face of wait shit this might actually be a thing I could get for real? how? wait, how???

Also let’s talk about Jester in that scene, who ships Beauyasha harder than anything in the world???   Because yes, right, some of it is just that Jester loves romance, and some of it’s that Jester gets very invested in the happiness of her friends, but that is a lot of investment there.  And I can’t help wondering if there’s a little dimension of...she wants to see True Love and Happily-Ever-After work.  And she’s delighted to see it work for her friends who she loves, and when it comes true they’ll be happy and she loves that, but also I don’t know that Jester’s ever actually seen two people fall in love with each other and enter into a healthy, happy relationship before.  But hey, all of her books say this wonderful magical thing exists, and now it seems to actually be showing up for her friends?  Of course she wants to see it.  Of course she wants it to be just as magical and wonderful as in all her stories, even if it’s not for her. (And maybe especially if it’s not for her, but I think that’s a whole separate post about Jester and her very high passive insight and all the people who are in love with her and the very specific ways she treats each of them.)

I love Yeza.  Don’t we all love Yeza?  He’s trying so hard.  It’s always great to see Yeza for that kind of wide-eyed outsider POV on the M9 shenanigans, and I love it.  He made a comment this episode about meeting goblins while living in Rosohna, and everything that’s happened to him really hit me in a while new way.  Usually I think about how he’s had his life turned upside down by all of this, but man, just think how much he’s seen that he never in a million years would have begun to expect to experience!  This smalltown alchemist from a pastoral little farming city in the middle of the Dwendalian midwest has lived for a significant amount of time as a housekeeper in the capitol city of the Krynn Dynasty.  He must have gone to the markets and met the neighbors and learned the streets and the food, and who had he ever known in his whole life who could say such a thing?  He lived with the Ruby of the Sea in Nicodranas by the ocean.  He’s been to Zadash, now, and it’s only a matter of time before he sees Rexxentrum.  How much farther will he go?  (Man, I would love some good Yeza fic once this campaign is over.  I think it’s going to take that long for me to really know how his story arc ends.)

Someone was posting earlier this episode about witnessing Vess scare Yeza so badly, and insight into how the Nein are starting to run in circles that really outstrip the people they used to know.  Watching Pumat in the wake of being Informed By Lady de Rogna That He Would Put A Rush On That has really hammered it home.  They remarked, in their very M9 somewhat idle vaguely ridiculous way that they wanted the icebreaker, and one tiny snowman later Vess had pulled rank and money and rerouted the ship’s entire passage for them.  She’s scary--and with her, the M9 have the kind of power that’s scary, too. And that’s always such an interesting moment.  The M9 are used to thinking of themselves as people with very little, who have to fight and scrap and get lucky for their own survival all the time.  And yes, they’re utterly careless with money--why not be, when it comes and goes and almost none of them have ever really seen it help or last?  And yes, they’re prone to violence and sometimes pretty rude.  But before now, it’s always been a situation where the M9 acting loud, rude, and demanding could be chaotic underdogs scrapping to get what they needed or wanted from people who had the option of saying no.  Suddenly they’re in a position where the balance of social situations is biased in their favor instead of against them. There’s such a difference between ‘please accede to my unreasonable request because I have a high charisma and will pay you lots of gold’, and, ‘you’re going to accede to my unreasonable request because otherwise my Cerberus Assembly boss may or may not have you assassinated’.  The M9 have never been on this side of that before.  I’m very curious to see how much they notice that they are now.

PALADIN OATH PALADIN OATH PALADIN OATH!  I was not paying nearly enough attention when that scene started, so I am going to need to watch it again and also make extra sure to read any available source material on this specific homebrew oath, because it’s probably not exactly the same as the Oath of the Sea homebrew you can find on google.  There’s some overlap between the abilities there and the ones Fjord already have, and the vows don’t quite match up, though some of them are close.  Ugh, mostly I’m just so glad it has happened and Fjord has promised and he means it, he means it so much.  He rest-of-his-life means it, and my heart belongs to Fjord who couldn’t even imagine the rest of his life as a thing separate from the monotony of his first thirty years, so very recently.

I actually always really love when CR has episodes at sea?  Obviously the M9 have done it the most, but Vox Machina went sailing a time or two as well, and it’s just always so great.  It’s often days of down time in a way that overland travel isn’t, and the party fills it with so many good little moments.  Matt always gives them such cool encounters.  On boats, spending a week at a time getting from one place to another, so much of the chaos of rewriting a plan seventeen times in an hour gets stripped away: they’re headed towards a destination, sometimes something comes up to deter them, and they have to find a way to deal with it.  There are always crew members and the structure of a boat itself to take into consideration in any combat that pops up.  It’s just such a nice tone, and I also love that the ocean itself kind of hates them now because it adds really delightful additional risks, and anyway heck yeah ocean voyage.

WHICH ENDS IN UNDEAD AVANTIKA ATTACKING THE SHIP WITH A TRIO OF CRAB-MEN AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE HOLY FUCK.  Look, I think M9 becoming pirates by accident and then trying to figure out wtf might actually be my favorite arc of this campaign so far, and every time it comes back I get so so happy.  I’ve got some feelings about this showing up in the same episode as Fjord finally taking his full oath to the Wildmother. They are going to have to kill U’kotoa before this campaign is through.  They are going to have to, because Fjord will never be safe on the ocean again if they don’t, and Fjord has bound himself by vow and will in service as the Wildmother’s paladin of the open sea.  She hasn’t asked it of him, not specifically, but it’s his job.  It’s going to be his job.  In part it’ll be because it’s poetic justice, Fjord taking down the cruel demigod who (in some ways) made him.  Mostly it’s just that killing U’kotoa is a job that needs to be done.  To protect the oceans, the life they hold, the people who sail upon them, it’s going to need to be done.  It’s Melora’s domain to do this, which means it’s her paladin’s job, and Fjord is her paladin of the sea.  It’ll be him sooner or later.

I am so fucking delighted at the massive pile of fireworks on the deck of this ship, and I hope to god these Chekhovian bottle rockets go off before the end of this combat encounter, because this is, in fact, all I ever wanted the minute Beau put them in there.

[courtney-deserved-better]

this is so niche but like. i just finished part 3 of disenchantment and need to spitball a total drama au even though the show isnt done yet. spoilers and rambling below the cut.

okay so like gwen is bean. like she just gives me bean vibes i honestly cant see her being any other character. 

i think noah is luci though alejandro is a strong contender noah just seems more luci yknow? 

elfo I think could go in two directions. we could go the typical route and have cody be elfo bc he simps for gwen and all that but i think changing elfo’s personality/role in this au could allow courtney to be elfo. 

like elves are more stereotypically snooty and classy in this au and have strict rules and courtney very much sticks to the rules but maybe lady elves or just elves in general aren’t allowed to be as aggressive and driven as she is so she leaves them to carve a path for herself. 

so shes not as much of a pushover asl elfo but she’s very much a stickler for the rules and has a bit of a holier than thou attitude and is a bit stuck up

maybe shes also a princess and never mentions it because she leaves her throne behind and doesnt want to be bound to princess duties that get in the way of her doing what she wants to do yknow? and thats something she can hide from gwen but as time goes on and the elves come to dreamland (which should be called wawanakwa) gwen learns more about courtney’s princess past and they bond over it. 

if we go the route with courtney then mora doesnt really exist in this au bc im gwourtney trash and that aint changing anytime soon. 

but it takes a while for gwen and courtney to like each other. courtney and noah also clash but noah and gwen get along pretty well. 

also noah looks like his usual self but can turn into pretty much what luci looks like when he wants to because magic demon powers and bc I love luci’s appearance so much (girl help i have gender envy for a fucking cartoon demon)

as for zog, derek, and oona, we’re gonna change them into sibling roles. lets say gwen’s dad, the king, had a lot of queens who all died after bearing him a child so gwen has a bunch of half siblings. and her dad is dead too. its the curse of zog or whatever it is in canon.

maybe cody could be derek (gwen does say he reminds her of an annoying little brother) and owen can be zog, and he rules with izzy as his queen, though it was an arranged marriage and izzy eventually divorces him to become a pirate queen like oona

and dagmar’s role can be gwen’s oldest sister, heather, who got turned to stone when gwen was younger and having only brothers and a crazy sister in law gwen idealizes heather as this great older sister despite barely remembering her. heather uses that to her advantage because she’s evil and once gwen finds that out they really dont get along (like dagmar and bean in canon)

owen is obsessed with the immortality pendant to bring his sister back to life after their drinks got switched not realizing that heather was trying to kill him so she could take the throne

i think chris should be odval bc he and bean have a hilarious dynamic that could totally be replicated with gwen and chris. and if chris has a gay wizard lover it HAS to be chef. chef is sorcerio

justin is merkimer. like really nobody else could be merkimer

trent is pendergast (my beloved) and turbish and mertz can be some hapless interns or maybe someone from a later cast, like spud and rock (that would actually be so funny spud can absolutely be turbish)

blaineley is the archdruidess of course

i dont know where alejandro fits in bc of course hes gonna be noah’s love interest but luci didn’t really have any love interests (except for kissy for a hot second but idc ab that) but i do think it would be funny if the usually unflappable demon noah suddenly has a crush on some handsome guy and is trying to hide it from his friends but hes terrible at it and gwen and courtney are teasing him 24/7 ab it. and noah is sad because alejandro would never want to date a demon if he knew what he really was but psych alejandro is a demon too. that’d be a great arc

i think beth would make a sweet bunty

and poor lindsay could be jerry! idk about becky and cloyd though… or the gunderson brothers… def need to know more about the last two before casting them

ok im crashing now but this is definitely gonna be something i revisit in the future. probably won’t post any fics until season 4 comes out so i know the full story before writing… 

harold as the jester though

[preciouslandmermaid]

i probably wont be able to articulate all my thoughts here but im gonna try - because im still VERY behind on critical role but i still want to think/mull over the fjorjester / widojest discourse b/c here’s where im confused

Jester started doubting her feelings back in the Pirate/Avantika Arc - because she wasn’t seeing fjord the same or rather wasn’t seeing him as this “idolized” version in her head and therefore was doubting her romantic feelings overall. totally fine. we do that with crushes and laura talked about it in a Talks episode. 

caleb / jester have a really beautiful, supportive friendship and that’s not to say that caleb and jester don’t have beautiful friendships with other members of the nein - but there’s something different about jester and caleb’s interactions. maybe it’s colored by the fact that we (viewers) know for a  canon fact that caleb is completely in love with jester. but even if liam didn’t confirm it, caleb is pretty fcking obvious. 

so - okay - looking at fjord and caleb as individuals --- here’s what I think: 

fjord is uncomplicated. this isn’t to say he isn’t complex, or interesting, or doesn’t have depth or anything like that. i mean that his overall ambitions and goals are rather uncomplicated. we assume that when travel with the M9 ends, that he’ll just want to go and be a sailor again b/c he loves the ocean. 

now, looking at caleb, the entire campaign he’s had his own ambitions and goals and they’ve been a lot. It took him - what - a 100 episodes to tell Jester about his past? i often think about what each character might do when the story ends and with Caleb? revenge for his family? change time itself? destroy the Cerberus academy? i’ve always read caleb as a character who has these larger-than-life ambitions mixed in with some doubt and loathing. now - i love widojest. i love it so much. i will still put on my clown makeup and say that its not over till its over. but part of me DOES wonder -- what does life look like for caleb post-M9? 

yes, i think widojest could be a happily ever after (HEA) scenario, of course i do cuz im biased. HOWEVER. let me tell you something, i’ve read a lot of romance novels. do you want to know the formula to a romance novel?

Heroine meets Hero. There’s an internal/external conflict. Heroine leaves Hero or he leaves her - there’s always some kind of separation involved. during that separation, feelings are understood & grappled with often with a character (or both) realizing that they were *gasp* in love the whole time. Hero and Heroine both change, resolving conflicts, and eventually return together and get their happily ever after. 

if I think of that formula, then it’s fair to assume that Caleb has unfinished business and still his own character growth to develop. he knows he loves jester and i hope someday he tells her - even if it’s not in a romantic sense - because jester deserves to hear “i love you” cuz she’s fucking amazing. 

anyway.........i lost my train of thought. moral of the story - fjord is uncomplicated/i think his personal goals are less “world-shattering” as caleb’s. lol.  

I have no clue where i went with this meta LMAO.

[the-big-nope]

Seeing a whole lotta posts about how someone needs to talk to Caduceus, how he’s going to crack at some point if it continues, and just wanted to throw my two cents out into the world about how while I agree that I’d love some more Caduceus focus and him opening up to the group, I really don’t think the urgency of a talk is as severe as some people make it out to be? Or at least I don’t think it’s going to happen, nor will it be imperative for Cad’s well-being that it happen, before a certain point. (I cannot speak to the coherency of this post, I just wanted to spit some musings out given all the Caduceus talk bouncing around the fandom).

For one, I’m highly skeptical that he’s ever going to crack in the way some people are imagining. This isn’t to say that Caduceus is as infallibly wise and unshakeable as he likes to appear. But a lot of people seem to be implying that that solidity of character is all an act or a coping mechanism, but that’s not entirely true. In a general sense, he is a steady person; no matter if some portion of that was a role he got slotted into, he is a calm individual, and even if there’s a part of him that tends to put aside his own needs in favor of being an anchor for other people, he’s not insecure enough in himself to ever end up in the kind of place that Scanlan did. If Caduceus ever did reach a bad place born of just this current trajectory, I think it would only ever manifest as these incorrect truths taking root in his worldview that wouldn’t be healthy, but something he would just lump along and not really pay attention to. So in the immediate sense, I highly doubt we’re ever going to see Caduceus ‘break’ or flounce away from the group for the reasons a lot of people are bringing up now. If, say, something terrible happened to his family or his home, or he had some major crisis with his faith, that’s the kind of thing I could see really getting to him and causing a visible crash; stuff from within seems to be something he can sit with much easier, even if he really shouldn’t.

As for the events on Rumblecusp and his recent bad luck, I just feel like that’s been a bit blown out of proportion. He fell into an ouch-bog a few times, which sucked but he was fine. Got a few of his personal items yoinked by Vokodo, but they were all gotten back in this episode. Got charmed toward Vokodo’s lair, but Beau and Caleb got him back almost immediately and no lasting harm was done. Strings of bummer luck like that sometimes just happen to these characters. Caleb was struggling in the Happy Fun Ball. Yasha got charmed multiple times on this island. Fjord was having a shitty string of combat luck between Rexxentrum and the Menagerie. You feel bad for the characters, and I would honestly love if they made a habit of patting each other on the back now and again during these strings, but I don’t think these kinds of things are enough to go shattering any of these guys. Adventuring can just be hard sometimes (Also, the meta of the cast experiencing these bouts of bad luck as just some bad dice rolls that are part of the game probably makes it much less of a deal for them than the fandom considers it). Plus, for Cad, whatever bad time he was having, you know he got a major pickup from his successful Divine Intervention. He puts so much stock in the Wildmother’s word and her assurances that he’s walking the right path, so whatever down feelings he was having beforehand have probably gotten majorly soothed with that vision and how much it contributed to their successful strategies in the Vokodo battle. I really don’t think he’s as distressed by this island as people make out.

Now, do I think he should receive a bit more attention than he does? Yeah, I actually do. I’d love a Cad check-in because he does do a lot for them, so an occasional tap on the shoulder and a conversation in thanks would be great. I totally get Caduceus fans who just want some more screen time for their fave. But when it comes to more serious talks, as most people seem to want...

The thing is, and some people have mentioned this before, Caduceus has yet to face much in the way of personal contention where it really matters to him: his family, his home, and his worldview. He’s only really had two sticking points when it comes to that, and the Nein actually have met him there and tried to help. The one time he was really feeling visibly down at the start of the pirate arc, he made it quite clear, and Jester and Nott did their best to talk with him and reassure him that he was on the right path and it was okay to feel a little overwhelmed. The second, where his fear about contacting his family who may or may not be okay came to light, the Nein did press him on that and immediately volunteered to follow him where he needed to go so he could find his family. In both cases, things turned out okay. Cad has yet to experience something that would really shake his steady foundations. Tal’s said it himself, Caduceus is a static person; his story isn’t centered on how he changes, but rather how Cad’s personal philosophies interact with the world around him. Whatever internal conflicts he has going on about his family, his long time separated from them, and his place in the Nein, those seem to be on a plateau without anything forcing his hand, and Caduceus himself probably isn’t going to see the need to address them until something major comes to a head and leaves him no choice. Once that time comes, I’m sure the Nein will be there to bat for him; they’re much better at checking in with each other in the middle of a crisis. Until that point, though, I don’t think even Cad is going to think to address anything else he’s got going on; the Nein because they’re better at damage control than early intervention, and Cad because he just won’t feel the need to. His inner conflicts will simmer, but they won’t disappear, and nor will they boil over, until he’s truly challenged where it counts. He’s gotten this far by believing in destiny and the Wildmother’s providence and it’s all seemed to work out, so why shake things up?

[justalittlebluetiefling]

After tonight, how do you think Jester's feeling? Honestly, I wasn't so sure before, but after their conversation, I'm again very certain Fjord is the one she has feelings for

All right, anon. This is a fun question for me, because we talk about Fjord’s feelings a lot, but not Jester’s. I’m going to say a few things that I never thought I’d say in this ask. For example: Fjord’s feelings have been much more obvious in the last 60 episodes than Jester’s have been. If you had told me I would say that 100 episodes ago, I would have laughed so hard. But here we are.

TLDR? Jester’s in love with Fjord and has been for a while. I’ve been going off about this occasionally since her second playlist was released. But that is what really convinced me that she had moved from ‘crush’ into ‘love’. And episode 117 helped me be even more confident in saying that.

I also wanted to put some episode 117 receipts in here, but tags in Tumblr are tricky sometimes, so I just made a companion gifset instead. (If this link messes with the tags, I’ll take it out and put it in a reblog.)

Anyway. Let’s get a cut in here so I can get carried away with the why. 2436 words of carried away.

So, like I mentioned above, Fjord’s feelings have been much more obvious than Jester’s lately. For a while, I guess. Pardon me while I just quote Laura from Talks for second. And that’s mostly because Jester backed off when she thought her advances were unappreciated. It was all part of Jester realizing that smut novels aren’t what real relationships are like. A very integral part of her development and how she’s more than her crush(es). 

The funny thing about all this... I think about this sometimes... is how Fjord didn’t actually not appreciate it. He’s just got low wisdom and didn’t realize that it meant that she like-likes him. He thought they were just goofing off. Because. Sorry, I’m briefly hopping into Fjord meta and then I’ll hop right back, I promise. But yeah. He thought they were just goofing off and I’m realizing as I type this paragraph that it never occurred to him, because “You know when someone makes you feel a way that you don't think you have any right to feel or you never thought that you might?”. Yeah. So, it wasn’t just his low wisdom. It just didn’t occur to him, because he didn’t think that he deserved to feel that way about anyone or have anyone feel that way about him. Okay. Hopping back now.

The other hilarious thing about this is that things between them weren’t awkward until she backed off and stopped overtly flirting. Which also correlates with the end of the pirate arc and how Beau, during that arc, pointed out to Fjord that Jester was jealous of Avantika.

But yeah. Jester backed off, which really threw their relationship into a whole new dynamic. I have a lot more complicated and layered feelings on the pirate arc that require a rewatch for me to properly articulate, but we know that Jester was scared during this time. She was a little scared that she didn’t really know Fjord (Re: Somebody Else being on her first playlist). But that was only temporary. That whole time made Jester start to question her feelings for Fjord. Which in turn made most of the fandom start to question them as well. But I do think that she eventually landed on “my friendship with him is more important to me than a potential relationship and if I keep acting like this, I’m going to lose him”. This is partially her realizing that life isn’t a romance novel, but I think it is also a direct result of her realizing how uncomfortable he was with the idea of being used as bait to distract Avantika. He did it, but he was not comfortable the whole time they talked about it. 

But also, Fjord was her first real friend outside of Artagan. He trusted her right away with things he didn’t tell anyone else in their group for months. She knew he was hiding his accent. She knew what happened on the Tide’s Breath. He told her before he told anyone else about how he lost his powers. They promised to protect each other and help each other on their way to their individual goals and they’re still holding up that promise every day.

ANYWAY I’M GETTING DISTRACTED I’M SORRY.

Okay, where are her feelings now. Now. She’s in love with him. When she backed off from the flirting and started focusing on just being there as a friend, it deepened their relationship. I mean, to be fair, it was already pretty deep. I promise I’m not getting off track this time, but he really did tell her things he told no one else. Sometimes it takes him longer to get around to it, because of the group, but he always ends up telling Jester everything. And that opens the door for Jester to be open with him, too, in a way that she isn’t with anyone else. 

I mean, okay. Gosh. How do I even word this? 

Jester doesn’t actively seek anyone out to talk about her feelings. There are two times I can think of off the top of my head that she’s broached the subject first. One: when she was looking for Beau and ended up talking to Veth about how she felt about the kiss that wasn’t a kiss. And Two: the Jellyfish talk, when she asked Fjord if he ever gets sad. But Jester keeps everything buried pretty deeply. So, the fact that Fjord is constantly going out of his way to ask her if she’s okay and the fact that he pulled her aside to tell her that if she ever needs to talk, she can talk to him. That’s a huge deal. And I think she’s still scared to take him up on it, because on top of all these things is that layer of awkwardness. Fjord and Jester are just awkward with each other right now. And their feelings for each other are what makes it awkward.

If the awkwardness was one-sided and only coming from Fjord, I’d say that her feelings had gone away. But it’s not. It’s always two-sided. There’s so much tension in all of their conversations, because while they talk about everything else, there’s one thing they haven’t talked about. Or... I guess it’s a couple things at this point. But they’ve never talked about the kiss that wasn’t a kiss. That’s what I mean specifically at this point. It’s just never been brought up. Which is so weird, because the other times (I think it’s two? Maybe it’s one. I’m doubting myself.) that Fjord’s saved Jester’s life with a potion, she brought it up. She made a production about it. But the kiss was different, because she didn’t know if it was a real kiss. I think she’s come around to it not being a real kiss, but it’s got to still bug her. 

But that’s planted this seed of awkwardness in all their solo interactions that hasn’t gone away. Jester’s been pushing her feelings for Fjord aside. Or trying to. But he keeps doing things that make her have hope again and it’s getting to a point that she can’t ignore that feeling. Like... He wanted her to be the one to go with him into the wreckage of the Tide’s Breath. The whole day after the blue dragon encounter, he was hovering. He wanted her to have a potion so that she could be safe and he said that he wasn’t being awkward he was disarming her. He dove off the side of a tree when she fell to save her. He tells her how much her help has meant to him in Kravaraad. He makes sure they go visit her dad. He runs after her to go rescue her mama and then he tells her that he’ll wear a stupid hat if she wants him to and that she looks lovely while implying that he’d like to look at her in that dress all the time. And then he asks her if she’d like to get dinner with him instead of go look for their friends. AND THEN he tells her that he likes it when she’s feeling his stomach looking for the orb. He was constantly checking in with her during Travlercon to make sure she was safe and comfortable. He launched himself into the air over an active volcano and begged her to let go and stay with them. AND TO MAKE MATTERS MORE CONFUSING FOR HER. He hugged her twice and then he willingly danced with her even though he didn’t know how AND THEN he gave her this tiny unicorn statue, because he knows how much she loves things like that. And now he’s given her the necklace that was meant to protect him, because he’s more concerned about her safety than his own. He told her that he’s having a hard time focusing on his future, because his past keeps getting in the way and he wants to deal with that before........ AND THEN HE SAYS he’s going to be thinking about how she helped him all night.

LIKE.

I got a little carried away again, sorry.

Here’s the deal.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. There has been nothing in canon to make me think that Jester’s feelings have gone away. Everything I can see implies that they’ve deepened. But she’s scared. She’s never really been in love before. It is absolutely terrifying (or it is for me) to admit when you’re in love. Especially when you don’t know if your feelings are reciprocated. Or if you think they’re unwanted. And she thought hers were unwanted. But she’s still been doing little things this whole time. She’s still shown signs of jealousy. She still thirsts over him, just not as openly as she did before. She gets super shy whenever they have one-on-ones and that makes her get awkward in the cutest way. Jester started to be careful with how she was around Fjord, but he’s been making it pretty clear that he doesn’t want her to be careful with him and I think she’s starting to realize that. It’s giving her hope that maybe her feelings are wanted. 

Also, the fact that there’s no in-between for these two? They’re either incredibly emotional when they talk to each other or incredibly awkward or BOTH. They are radiating “in love with your best friend” energy. The difference is that Fjord isn’t afraid of ruining the friendship and Jester is. Or... well... yeah. Actually, that’s what I mean. I think Jester’s coming around to not being afraid. She’s got hope again that they might be something more. And I think that hope is starting to be fun for her again instead of scary.

OKAY I’m almost done. I want to very briefly talk about that gifset that I made, because I made receipts for a reason, damn it. Let’s talk ONLY about the conversation in 117.

Gif 1: This one is right after this exchange. Jester: I mean... it's worth a try. He's met all of us, so he could potentially scry on anyone, I guess, now. But maybe it'll keep me from being seen if I scry on him. I don't know how it all works. // Fjord: I guess we'd find out the next time we did it. // Jester: Yeah. Like, she looks down at the necklace and just smiles, because Fjord has literally just told her that his safety doesn’t matter as much as hers. Fjord went out of his way to do this thing for her and she just looks so touched.

Gifs 2 and 3: These are both just Jester laughing over Fjord talking about her face when she’s scrying. They’re goofing off and being silly. And gif 3 in particular is just... again. She’s having fun! With Fjord! And she likes that. 

Gif 4: Jester just asked Fjord “how are you?” and he started up with that big, goofy grin. And she can’t even get through calling her question stupid without smiling. Like, she’s reacting to his smile. And it’s kind of funny, because I think she doesn’t understand why he’s smiling so much in that moment, but she still can’t help but smile back.

Gif 5: I feel like I need to close all of that before.... That’s such an interesting reaction and SO TELLING. Like, that small smile and then she kind of takes a breath and then she still can’t not smile over it. SHE KNOWS. She really hopes that it means what she wants it to mean. And she wants it to mean something. 

Gif 6: She’s once again reacting to a Fjord smile. You can see the way the corners of her mouth keep trying to smile. Because Fjord is just touched and telling her that yeah, she should send a message to Kotho. And then it’s the things she’s doing with her hand there, too. She’s all nervous energy and can’t really hold still. There’s that hope again.

Gif 7: She’s SO HAPPY because she’s helping him. SO HAPPY. And again with the hands! So much nervous energy.

Gif 8: It's just a spell! It's easy to do. Again with the hands!!! I mean, okay. Speculation and projection. I’m aware. This is just something I do and I see it in Jester a lot. Where, she’s got to do something with her hands so they don’t do what she really wants them to. I mean, SERIOUSLY. And the way she smiles at him at the end of it. There’s a lot for her to process about this exchange and I think it’s starting to hit her. How much this means. What this might mean. And she’s happy. She’s excited.

Gif 9: I will think about that all night. Still the nervous energy. I won’t repeat that paragraph. But like. Fuck. Fjord told her that he was going to think about that all night. I kind of want to yell right now. In a good way. My heart just hurts in a good way over this moment. I can’t even speculate on her emotions here because that’s like... huge. There was so much tension here. Jester hasn’t had anyone say anything like this to her before. She doesn’t know how to react. And Fjord is also holding himself back. Uh, this is Fjord HOLDING HIMSELF BACK. What the fuck. I mean. Okay I have to move on. I have nothing productive to say here.

Gif 10: I guess I was wrong. This isn’t only about the conversation, but also about the moment later. Where he thinks she’s going to scry when she’s going to send and she realizes that he was going to do what she asked him to before. She is just so pleased that he intended to follow through. I choose to believe this is 100% what Jester’s face actually did in the moment. And I love this because it’s only awkward on Fjord’s end this time. Jester is just happy.

I’ve gotta end this thing, guys. Why are you even still listening to me ramble???

I guess what I ultimately want this whole answer to be: Jester’s in love with Fjord. Fjord makes her so happy. And she is starting to let herself hope that he’s in love with her, too. She can see the possibility of a future with him again and finally letting herself believe that it might happen. So, yeah. That’s where I think Jester’s feelings are. 

Hope you enjoyed my mini breakdown over Jester and how much Fjord’s support has meant to her! 

[seafleece]

funnily enough, i wrote a post about this just before the king’s cage, but i think one of the saddest things about yasha is that after molly’s death, she was planning on staying.

the last time she leaves is after seeing molly’s grave, and she’s with them-- whether ashley’s there or not-- until the laughing hand is set free. she stays with them all through the pirate arc, and the first conversation she has with them again as ashley after that arc? it’s about her anxieties that everyone decided to leave her.

i have a feeling one of yasha’s biggest fears-- that we really see in that moment in episode 46-- is that everyone only wanted her around because of molly. in her mind, the party was essentially stuck with her at sea, but after the diver’s grave, after fjord had got what he wanted, they almost immediately disappeared. for a week. she had no idea what the happy fun ball did-- one morning everyone was there, and the next they weren’t, with no note. no explanation. she had a habit of leaving, after all-- it wasn’t fair to expect them not to do the same, to think she felt attached to them at all without molly, to think they felt attached to her without molly. and well, they found someone new pretty quickly, didn’t they? without her?

episode 46 is also where that anxiety is tested and proven to be unfounded, as well as the anxiety of being unable to protect them-- to fulfill the role she’d been performing since she joined the circus, to not fail for a third time in protecting the people she loves, an anxiety made even worse because she’s not sure if they love her back. the whole time she’s being tested by the stormlord, jester is there, trying to help her, and both she and caduceus are there for her afterward. they stay up with her, and listen to her about her wife, and comfort her, and it’s one of the first times she can see that everyone really does care about her, not just the package deal she and molly were.

and, well, she stays after that. the stormlord asks her to show her strength by staying even when she’s afraid she can’t protect everyone, to conquer her fear of getting close to people because the last two times had ended in their deaths. to be strong enough to avoid a third time. she’s one of them, properly-- she’s there in felderwin for nott, she’s there when they meet the bright queen, jester paints her room in the xhorhouse with flowers because jester knows she loves flowers-- her room, in their house. 

finally, when yasha feels like a real part of the mighty nein, when they’re willing to follow her deep underground and fight some awful shit because they trust her and want to help her, she’s taken from them again. 

and what could possibly sever her from the group more immediately and permanently than attacking them? almost killing them? and how could she ever come back again?

they trusted her, finally, and she betrayed them. of course in her mind she should be punished for that, and how fitting that it should be someone who represents the most unhinged, uncontrolled version of her-- just like the version of her she was with obann. and how fitting, too, that that person should disappoint her. it’s herself, after all. losing control never made her a champion.

[princessamericachavez]

Fjorester Talk in episode 117

also known as Sofía goes buckwild and overanalyzes 10 minutes of conversation and body language.

ready?

Ok, first of all, Fjord looks so worried from the get go as he asks Jester if Lucien/Cree was speaking to her directly. 

And when she confirms it he does this little grumpy sigh

He no like it. No like it at all.

Fjord: Does it seem like he’s keying in on you in particular?

LISTEN GUYS

I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS

HOPING FJORD WOULD GET PROTECTIVE OVER JESTER CONSTANTLY GETTING SCRIED ON/MESSAGED BY LUCIEN BUT I DIDN’T THINK TRAVIS WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO DELIVER

AND HE DIIIIIID

Ok anyway he goes on about how when they see someone else scrying it’s usually just a representation of the spell and wonders if Lucien is more powerful and therefor can see the person

and then he makes a pause mid-argument

because Jester makes this face and he realizes this is upsetting her, so he quickly backtracks trying to reassure her. 

Fjord: I’m sure it’s just coincidence but...

and here’s where the idea comes and god how long has he been thinking about this???

Fjord: since we’re not in the sea... would you... want to wear this?

YES HELLO DO YOU SEE THE PARALLELS TO THAT ONE TIME HE WANTED TO GIVE HER AN EXTRA POWERFUL HEALING POTION TO MAKE SURE SHE WOULD BE SAFE??? PROTECTIVE FJORD PARALLELS!!!

and then he just brushes off the fact that he’s a huge Uk’otoa beacon everytime they are on water —baby, you died once already, don’t act like it’s whatever???

Fjord: maybe it would provide some protection if we were to keep checking in on him?

Jester: I mean... it’s worth a try. 

Of course, as she points out, Lucien has already met all of them and he could just as easily scry on any of the M9 if he wanted to, but that’s not really what Fjord is worried about, what is bothering him. Fjord knew Lucien was watching and it’s not the first time they are scried on, but he makes it clear that he’s concerned about how centered on Jester that’s been lately. 

Jester: Maybe it’ll keep me from getting seen next time I scry on him?

Fjord: I guess we’ll find out next time we try it. 

The way he chuckles softly, trying to defuse the tension, and she smiles back even though this subject clearly has her nervous??? 11/10

Jester: Thank you. 

SHE SAYS IT SO SOFTLY. SHE’S CLEARY SO TOUCHED THAT HE’S WATCHING OUT FOR HER AND HAVING HER BACK JUST LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES. 

LOOK AT THOSE HEART EYES THEY BOTH HAVE WTF

THEY ARE BOTH SO SOFT 

Fjord: Yeah. Just in case it’s not... coincidence. 

Listen there’s such a heaviness in how he says the word. 

Like the possibility of anyone —especially this very dangerous stranger with the face of a friend— purposefully targeting Jester is his worst nightmare. It probably is. 

Jester: It’s also creepy. He did say that he kind of knew me, right?

NOTICE HOW JESTER IS STILL PLAYING WITH THE AMULET IN HER HANDS??? 

Idk why but that’s getting to me. She’s so nervous with this whole thing. 

Fjord: He did?

Jester: When we got there he said he hadn’t met anyone except for me. 

OH FJORD DOESN’T LIKE THIS AT ALL

So of course Jester tries to defuse the tension talking about how she must look like through the scry

AND HE’S JUST SO IN LOVE

And so he plays along

LOOK AT THE WAY HE MAKE HER SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(same, Ashley, same)

And so, more reassured by the goofiness, Jester finally puts the necklace on. 

Fjord: And of course, it’s Caleb’s...

Jester: oh

LISTEN SHE DID NOT LIKE THAT. She was clearly so excited to get a present like this from Fjord and you can see her face fall a little when it’s deviated towards someone else. 

Jester: should I ask him if it’s okay?

Fjord: Well, he gave it to me to use it..

Fjord: and you seem to need it more. 

AKA THE AMULET WAS FOR FJORD’S WELLBEING BUT THE WAY HE IS OK IS IF HE KNOWS JESTER IS PROTECTED

Jester, now that she knows this is something that he is personally choosing to transfer to her: Okay...

LOOK AT THE WAY SHE CLUTCHES IT TO HER HEART I’M DYING

Fjord: And just be careful.

Fjord: I don’t like the possibility of him keying in on you or using that connection between the two of you to manipulate something. His magic seems strange. 

LISTEN GUYS LISTEN 

THIS PART HERE IS HUGE OK?

This is the part where Fjord took 18 steps forward instead of one since Rumblecusp

Whereas before he could’ve hide his concern as something tactical, something useful that made sense and could help their mission... or could’ve hidden behind group speech to disguise his concern...

here he says “I don’t like the possibility of him keying in on you.”

here he is straight up saying “I am worried about you”

(quietly hopes Lucien does exactly that to trigger more protective fjord instincts in the future and lots of angst based shippy shenaingans)

Fjord: Alright. More adventures tomorrow. 

BECAUSE THAT’S ALL OK

THAT’S IT

HE SAID HIS PIECE, HE KEPT HER SAFE, MADE SURE SHE LAUGHED A LITTLE AND THAT’S ALL HE NEEDS... THAT AND MORE ADVENTURES BY HER SIDE

But then Jester hesitates

AND LOOK AT THAT, THE WAY SHE PULLS BACK LIKE SHE’S AFRAID IF SHE SAYS THE WRONG THING HE’LL CLOSE OFF

THE WAY HIS FACE SCRUNCHES WITH WORRY OVER WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE TROUBLING HER THAT SHE’S HESITATING TO SAY

Fjord: What?

Jester: H- How are you?

FJORD MELTING IMMEDIATELY: 

The way he goes from super concerned to extremely soft in 0.2 seconds.

(i am ashley and ashley is me)

Jester: *explaining all the very valid reasons she has to be worried about Fjord too and all the crazy shit that happened to him only a few days ago*

Fjord: *bursting with feelings of love*

seriously travis pls have some mercy of my poor yearning soul

Also I wanna talk about the way Jester brings up Avantika.

Jester: She tried to pull you into the water... you guys had a thing... it must have been weird to see her all kinda dead and stuff... was it weird? And then you killed her... again...

The way she calls them “a thing” and the way she checks if it was “weird” for him to see her as undead really says a lot to me. I think Jester never quite got over the heartbreak during the pirate arc and part of her probably still thought that Fjord harbored some sort of feelings or attraction towards Avantika. 

I think she believes whatever they two had was far more intimate than it actually was. Or, at the very least, Jester thinks it must have meant something to Fjord. 

How could she not? The whole thing had her bursting with jealousy and pain and unresolved feelings... you can tell how anxious she is around this subject but also she needs to know if he’s alright because she cares too much

Fjord: It was weird. Yeah, it was weird, for sure. I wasn’t expecting that...

HE DOESN’T EVEN REGISTER IT AS AN “EX” THING I SWEAR

Fjord: I’m alright. 

And so she finally relaxes.

Fjord: It feels like I keep trying to start newer chapters in my life and leave the old stuff behind and then it just... keeps popping up. 

Fjord: It feels like it’s hard to... pursue something new, when the past is not dealt with. 

YOU CAN’T SEE IT IN THE SCREENSHOTS BUT JESTER STARTS NODDING VERY GENTLY WHEN HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT NEW CHAPTERS AND MOVING ON 

ALSO THIS

(ashley knows what I’m talking about)

Jester: Do we need to deal with the past?

WE

SHE SAYS WE

BECAUSE AS USUAL THEY ARE A TEAM ALWAYS FIRST AND FOREMOST

AND IF THIS IS SOMETHING HE NEEDS TO DO SHE’S GOING TO HELP HIM AND BE BY HIS SIDE WITHOUT A DOUBT NO MATTER WHAT

Fjord: I think so. 

Fjord: Yeah... I want to. 

THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER WHEN HE SAYS ‘I WANT TO’. HE WANTS TO HAVE A FUTURE WITH HER. HE WANTS TO LET GO OF THE PAST SO HE CAN HAVE A FUTURE WITH HER. HE’S LETTING HIMSELF ‘WANT’ THIS AND ADMITTING IT.

Fjord: I feel like I need to close all of that before...

AND THEN HE JUST GOES THROUGH THIS BLESSED FACE JOURNEY FOR 6 ENTIRE SECONDS

LOOK AT IT

AND THE WAY SHE SLOWLY SMILES LIKE SHE MIGHT KNOW WHAT HE MEANS

LOOK AT HER OWN FACIAL JOURNEY

ASHLEYYYYYYYYYY

And so Jester jumps into action mode offering her help. 

and Fjord —once again— proves that he’s able and willing to open up to Jester about things that he’s keeping close to his chest... like Sabian. 

Fjord: I um... I actually... I put a bounty out for S-Sabian. 

IDK WHY THIS FACIAL EXPRESSION AMUSES ME THIS MUCH

THIS IS FJORD’S ‘IM ABOUT TO CONFESS SOMETHING PERSONAL TO JESTER FACE’ AND WE’VE SEEN IT BEFORE AT THE KILN AND IN RUMBLECUSP

Jester: A bo- When? How?

SHE’S SO BEWILDERED LMFAO

and a little offended that she didn’t know

and I think Fjord can tell by the way he quickly tries to excuse it as a way to keep Kotho occupied after the whole Vokodo ordeal

But Jester quickly gets back on track and starts looking for a way to help him with this. If finding Sabian is what Fjord wants —what he needs— right now, she’ll do anything to help him. 

Jester: *describing how she would be able to help Fjord*

Fjord, who never had anyone be this ride or die for him ever and who is bursting at the seems with love for this kind and wonderful woman:

Fjord: Sure.

Jester: You want me to do it?

Fjord: Yeah. 

THOSE HEART EYES SHOULD BE ILEGAL 

Jester: *uses a sixth level spell to send a message for Fjord because this is totally her number one priority now and it’s not like they are dealing with stuff that literally drained her today or like they are stuck up north for god knows how long... nope... she needs to find a way to help Fjord right now*

Fjord:

okay okay okay

so after the message

you can see how Jester is worried that the news she finally found for him are bad news and not going to cheer him up

Jester: Oops

Fjord: No, no, no, no! No oops! That’s great! That’s great!

I love the way he rushes to reassure her, to make sure she knows that what she just did for him is amazing and means so much and please jester do not be sad about this because this already means so much to me you have no ideaaaaaa

Fjord: That’s... totally distracting but that’s great. 

Fjord: Thank you.

Jester: You’re welcome! Now you know!

Fjord, with more feeling and emotion behind it like he wants to tell her that she and everything she does for him out of love mean the entire universe to him: Thank you.

Jester, blissfully unaware that he’s in love with him but delighted that she was able to help and that he is letting her in enough to help deal with his past: You’re welcome! I’m glad I could help!

Fjord, still not over how good she is and how diametrically different her kindness is compared to everything else he’s known in life so far and still after these many months shook and surprised by how wonderful she is: That’s very nice of you, I-

Jester: It’s just a (6th level) spell. Easy to do.

SHE HAS NO IDEA THAT WHAT HE MEANS ISN’T THE MAGIC NOR THE SPELL NOR THE INFORMATION... IT’S HER HELP AND SUPPORT THAT HE IS SO SHAKEN WITH. 

Fjord: I.... will think about that all night. 

Sure you will Fjord. We know you will. But we know it’s not about Sabien but about Jester’s kindness that you’re gonna be thinking all night. We know that’s what’s keeping you up. Not the past, the future. 

AND OF COURSE

THE OBLIGATORY AWKWARD ENDING

Fjord: I’ll race you to the top!

Both: UP!

THEY ARE SO ADORABLE AND GOOFY AND PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER WTF HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE MY LIFE INSTEAD OF THINKING ABOUT THEM 24/7??

ANYWAY WHO IS READY FOR PIRATE ARC PART 2 AND MORE SHENANIGANS WITH THESE TWO WHILE FJORD GETS FINALLY READY TO MOVE FORWARD TOWARDS THE FUTURE HE WANTS WITH JESTER? I AM

[luckthebard]

Now that Liam’s tweeted out his and Ashley’s character background choice (complete with adorably on-brand photo of the two of them), I think we finally know almost everyone’s!

Fjord: Sailor (confirmed)

Grants him proficiency in Athletics and Perceptions, as well as Navigator’s Tools and Water Vehicles (both of which I think he forgot during the entire pirate arc, lol). Also the ability to secure free passage on a sailing ship, which I think he only used during the very first arc, because after that they just stole boats.

Beau: Criminal (confirmed)

Proficiency in Deception and Stealth, as well as Thieves’ Tools and a gaming set (which is why she had a set of Thieves’ Tools she was able to lend to Nott). She also has the “Criminal Contact” feature, which I don’t think she’s ever used, but she alluded to having around the time they first went to Zadash.

Caleb: Haunted One (confirmed)

This is a fun and flexible background that gives several proficiency options to chose from. Knowing Caleb’s proficiencies, and what the wizard class also offers, Caleb seems to have taken Arcana and Investigation from this background, with Insight and History taken from his class and Deception as his Variant Human proficiency. Interestingly, one of the starting trinkets available with this background is “a spool of thread that never runs out.”

I think we all know what his “Harrowing Event” was.

This is also what gave him access to either Celestial or Sylvan, from the “Exotic Languages” pool.

Nott: Guild Artisan (unconfirmed)

This is one I’m guessing at, but I’m pretty confident on it. It would explain why she has proficiency in Insight and Persuasion, as well as her proficiency with Alchemist supplies. She doesn’t have a overt “Guild Business” or “Guild Membership” trade connection, but Yeza could potentially count as that feature.

Jester: Charlatan (unconfirmed)

This is my best guess for Jester, based on her proficiency with a Forgery Kit and a Disguise Kit, as well as her proficiency in Deception and Sleight of Hand, which all fit. One other feature from this background, “Favorite Scheme” doesn’t fit as well, unless you count her Traveler-worship vandalism.

Molly: Charlatan (confirmed)

This is Molly’s confirmed background, so he shared all the same proficiencies I listed for Jester above. He also more clearly had a “Favorite Scheme” with his tarot cards.

Caduceus: Hermit (unconfirmed)

This one seemed so clear to me I almost forgot it wasn’t officially confirmed. It explains his proficiency with an Herbalism Kit (how he can use downtime to craft healing potions for half cost), as well as his proficiency in Medicine and Religion and his extra language (Common, Elvish, and Giant are from being a firbolg, Sylvan is from his background).

“Life of Seclusion” just fits him to a T as well.

Yasha: Haunted One (confirmed)

I’m not sure which skill proficiencies Yasha took from this background, but (*edit*) Investigation and Survival seem likely (I originally thought Religion here, but was corrected). This is also where she gets her knowledge of Abyssal, from the “Exotic Languages” pool.

Like Caleb, we’re all now pretty familiar with her “Harrowing Event.”

Other options for starting trinkets with this background include “A book in which you record your dreams,” and “a bouquet of funeral flowers.”

[angelsndragons]

Okay, since I see a lot of people either straight up panicking or saying that Caduceus’ playlist is straight up depressing (neither reaction I get)....I’m gonna offer a different reading of the songs here, how does that sound?

Death Bed Salesman - This is straight up about Caduceus’ family and his upbringing. His father even says some of the lyrics almost word for word in ep 96. Growing up surrounded by death and all the rituals created for the living left behind made Caduceus into the person he is. ‘This is how it has to end/So love somebody while you can’ like talk about a thesis statement for Caduceus’ outlook.

How are You Doing - Wow this song is pulling double duty. Caduceus is not a character who likes burdening other people with his own problems, preferring to keep a calm, polite distance between others and his feelings. The style of this song harkens over to Jester, it’s very bubbly and sweet sounding. Of course, this is also one of Jester’s primary issues (someone please tell the clerics they can be people with problems too). Now, if you do what I did and go watch the music video for this song, two things will stick out. One is the increasing ridiculous scenarios the singers find themselves in while going about their day to day lives juxtaposed against their ‘nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine’ lyrics. Two is the fact that these singers come out at the end of the song together, they have triumphed over the madness and nothing stopped them from doing what they wanted and needed to do. This song encapsulates early Caduceus, while he was getting a feel for the Nein and being drowned every other second, ultimately his contributions to the Pirate Arc were fundamental to the group’s success. 

Vegetables - Honestly, this song just reminds me of that early conversation with Fjord in the Sour Nest. Caduceus is cooking omelets and just casually asks Fjord if he could look for veggies down in the torture chamber since it would ‘make a good root cellar.’ Fjord is so caught off guard by this request, and understandably so, he just repeats ‘Roots?’ Caduceus then just lists off root vegetables like Fjord’s an idiot. Oh, Cad. XD Honestly I like that the beat line is being made by vegetable chomping, it just feeds into the ‘Caduceus is a giant magical cow man’ vibes and I love it.

When the World is at Rest - Xhorhaus! In the middle of that street! Xhorhaus! In all seriousness, this song pulls double duty as well. ‘I miss the sun but the moons will do in a pinch’ anyone? The first and most obvious thing this song reminds me of is when the group is given the house and Caduceus asks, ‘are we putting down roots here?’ With the single act of planting that tree on the tower, Caduceus turned the house into the Mighty Nein’s home. Can’t get your deposit back after that, after all XD. I think of how this home in the dark has sheltered and protected the Nein so many times. I think of them befriending Essek and how that wasn’t part of the plan (you know, like Caduceus himself). I think of how their plans to end the war were hatched in darkness, how violated they all felt when one of their own was taken and when another was assassinated under cover of night, because the darkness had come to feel safe to them. I think of how much the Nein has blossomed since this house became their home, since they all had a place to go back to that was theirs. I think of how the Nein has given the world a breather, a chance to rest, all because they returned a beacon and befriended a traitor. 

Wildflowers - So, there are a couple of interpretations of this song. One is setting a lover or loved one free from your own feelings and letting them go. Another is that the singer is trying to find a place to bury a loved one (’that home by and by’ around where I live and grew up is a roundabout reference to heaven). Honestly, both interpretations are apt for Caduceus. He does his best to not burden others with his worries and feelings, he was the one who stayed home, which granted his siblings the freedom they needed to leave, etc. The second interpretation fits Caduceus as well because we know one of his secret hopes is that the Nein will let him tend their bodies and graves when the time comes. And now I’m gonna put on my TeaHaw hat for a goddamn minute bc holy heck, this is such a good song for both of them, Caduceus reminding Fjord that he deserves freedom and his beloved sea again, Fjord teaching Caduceus to follow his heart and embrace new experiences. ‘I have seen no other/Who compares with you’ really fits their complimentary and praise styles with each other. Thank you, Tal.

Never did No Wandering - Don’t have much to add to what Taliesin said about the song. For once. I think of Caduceus’ loneliness in the Grove and his regret that he didn’t leave sooner. I think of how he could only leave in the context of duty, of just how much his duty as a grave cleric to Melora has defined and shaped his understanding of himself. I think of how long it took for him to voice his own desires and wants. I think of how he insists he isn’t wandering, that he is following a pre-ordained path. I think of how much work he still has to do when it comes to knowing what he wants and making peace with getting it just for his own sake. Also, hello more sailors.

When You Get to Ashville - Oof, so this song works both ways for Caduceus, both as the singer and the subject of the song. I think of him, home alone for ten years, wondering what was going on with his family, if they were safe (he knew they weren’t, he knew what it took to keep them from him), how he didn’t actually want to know unless he could help. As the subject, I see his family, having only been away for what was maybe two years for them, looking at the changes in him in awe and confusion. Nothing’s changed for them but boy howdy has Caduceus changed. The homebody has left the nest and saved them all and he very obviously doesn’t want to go home yet if at all. Caduceus has waited so long to get them back and to be a family again yet when the time comes, he can’t bring himself to return, as the singer implies about the subject. He knows his family will be there to catch him if he needs it but I think this episode is where it really hit him that he’d been trying to recreate a past that never could be again because he could never go back to being who he was. 

Fuck it I’m a Flower - Another Caduceus anthem. Upbeat with a few melancholy lyrics. You can take it as the singer divorcing themself from humanity or you can take it as the singer using flowers as a metaphor for their growth into someone who becomes more involved (the singer goes from not marching to taking on other people’s pain from their place of safety to fully embracing the movement to change things while they can). I don’t have any context for this song but it really freaking reminds me of those protest photos where a protester offers a flower to the riot police (fuck the police). Caduceus is blossoming into a man who genuinely cares about the wider world and the people within it. Not just abstractly, which I would argue he did back in the Grove. But being up close to the ordinary folks in the Dynasty, in the Empire, the Coast, has given him a new perspective on not just his place but where he wants to stand. I think of Jester’s conversation with him back in Oh Captain Who’s Captain, the world is much bigger and messier than Caduceus could have ever dreamed. I think of Caduceus befriending and being kind to their crew and Avantika’s. I think of ‘Nott, you went to find help, we’re here to help.’ I think of ‘one day someone will pray for a miracle and that prayer will be answered because you showed up, that’s what this is all about.’ From rescuing Yeza to saving Giants to shattering the chains binding two of his friends to bringing peace to two warring nations to separating justice from vengeance, just look at where he is now: no longer passive or uncertain of how they can contribute to the world, Caduceus and the Nein have brought so much good into it. Caduceus knows where he stands now. Some people say that he’s the Nein’s moral compass and I disagree with that entirely, he’s become the courage to act on their moral compasses. 

Oh Bury Me Not - Okay, so I know this is where some listeners start to get antsy with all the death talk in this song and the ones after it so breathe, it’s fine. Caduceus is a Grave Cleric, y’all. Tal says that this song is an expression of Caduceus’s religious beliefs, which, uh, yeah. There is no stained glass in the Blooming Grove temple, they do all their work outside the traditional structures of religion and civilization and do it gladly, etc. The ending Bury Me Not, okay, guys, Caduceus is the singer here, not the kid being sung about. It really drives home the Wildmother’s philosophy on death: when you’re dead, you’re dead and you have no say over what happens to the corpse left behind. I think of the corpse of the Great Hero and the founding of the Blooming Grove, the Menagerie, and the Kiln. I think of Caduceus’ onscreen death and how through it, he finds his path to the Kiln. I think of him reviving Fjord. I think of him and this island and how much of a perversion it is of the ‘natural order’. Also, just given how much Fjord has impacted has impacted Caduceus’ ideas of faith and signs and stuff, it’s so fitting that this piece is here. I also think cowboys and how Tal said he’d planned on using the Ocean Burial before he came across this, I see you, Tal. 

September Song - So that build up, huh? I think of Caduceus and the Nein readying themselves for a battle to the death to save Yasha and stop Obann. I think of all the close-calls and near misses. I think of how every day, these people choose over and over and over to stay together, in spite of the coming winter, in spite of the obvious danger, in spite how much safer they would all be if they went their separate ways and planted their heads in the sand. I think of how that, their time, is the most precious gift any of them could give the others. This is not a sad thing, by the way. All these people, who have been so badly wounded by others, who are so skittish and so distrustful and so guarded, choose to stay together over and over again. No matter the hardship. They choose to spend their lives together, they choose to be better together and for each other.

22 (Over Soon) - Guys, this is 100% an Episode 95-96 song. 100%, no question in my book. I think of what Caduceus doesn’t say to his family. I think of what he does say. I think of how overwhelmed he is when the Nein saves them, I think of how he can only muster ‘It’s been a long time.’ (All these years) I think of him trying so hard to be given permission to stay with the Nein without explicitly asking for it, the subtext of ‘would you forgive me if I don’t come home yet’ threaded through his every interaction with his family. I think of how Caduceus hands the seeds over to his sister and tells her to be the hero the Grove and their family needs. I think of how easily and willingly he gave up what he’s called his destiny and charge since the beginning in order to stay with the Nein. This is Caduceus saying good-bye once and for all to the dreams of things going back to the way they were. I think Caduceus had been hoping that his family had changed just as much as he had. I think if they had, he might have gone back with them. But they haven’t changed and he has. So he can’t go home. Not yet. He cloaks his desire to stay with the Nein once more in duty but make no mistake, it’s desire that’s keeping him with them, people who may not understand him but who try and who are there and who accept the new person he has become. The build-up Tal was talking about? This is it. The moment where Caduceus first puts himself and his desires above what he thinks is his duty. The moment that Caduceus fully realizes how much he has changed and what an earth-shattering revelation it is.

We’ll Meet Again - Meetings and Partings have always had a special place in Caduceus’ arc, especially metatextually. He was the character who replaced another, who was rescued from his static seclusion by three of the Nein and who in turn rescued the three captive members. I think of how this song is a promise that, come what may, the singer will do their damnedest to return and make that promise a reality. I think of all the weird and wonderful people Caduceus has met in his short time outside the Grove. I think of all the shop keeps who just love this pink fuzzball and how many times they tell him to come back. I think about the Dusts, the meeting and parting and sanctuary they gave him. I think about Reani and Nila and how his kindness to them has come back threefold (Reani escorting his family home, Nila protecting the Grove). I think about Essek. I think about how driven Caduceus became to reforge the sword after Yasha was taken, to bring her home. I think of Caduceus prodding the Gentleman into reconciling with Jester. I think of his delight in the coincidences that keep lining up between him and Fjord. I think about Caduceus and Beau and how proud he is of her growth. I think of his declaration in the dome that ‘We aren’t done until we’ve saved each other.’ 

Enjoy It - And we wrap up our playlist with another Caduceus thesis statement: don’t worry about the things you can’t change, find the goodness and light in all of your experiences. If it’s meant to be easy, it will be and if it’s meant to be hard, it will be hard. You’re the green bean and you can choose to become jaded at the storms or enjoy the water flooding your roots. This song also fits the lightness we’ve seen from Caduceus since sending his family home. His big quest, his reason for leaving home, has been fulfilled (so he thinks, pretty sure Molaesmyr will be calling in the Nein’s near future) so now he can just sit back, relax, and fully enjoy the ride.

TL;DR - Growing up and moving on is hard and painful but it is also triumphant and necessary. Learning to be who you are and to place yourself on your list of priorities is a journey full of quiet work that few rarely glimpse. Caduceus’ whole arc has been about who he is and what he’s going to do with the strong moral compass he’s got - Is he going to continue to live in the world, even with all the pain, struggle, joy, and goodness that comes with it, or is he going to retreat from it, go back to his little patch of green and forget about it? All signs point to the former, not the latter. In tarot, Death means transformation and sweeping change even more than it does literal death. Caduceus’ playlist is all about the transformation of his self even as he remains true to his core beliefs.