#listen there are a lot of different realization moments for fjord

[justalittlebluetiefling]

I mean, okay. I know everyone has their opinions, but like, we know that Jester’s Fjord’s feelings for Jester started to shift at the jellyfish talk, because Travis has said that. But I also know in my heart that his feelings were really starting to manifest during this second temple talk. Like, this is that moment that I watch and I just know that he knows that he has a crush on her and he doesn’t want to, but he can’t help it.

[awritingcaitlin]

💥Find the Word Tag💥

Oh man it's been ages since I've done one of these. Thanks @elbritch-kit!

We're gonna do Siege of Berthingtonn snippets under the cut!

My words are fire, spark, dream, lie, and cut.

I'll tag: @tananaphone, @samplewriting, @circa-specturgia, @nanashi23, and @runeseaks for the words: mind, know, left, began, and realize 👀

🔥FIRE🔥

There was something pressing up against the back of her mind and it took her two seconds too long to realize it was a ward.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw movement. She pivoted to the right at the same moment a man took a swing at her with a short black club. Without a conscious thought, she dropped her clutch purse and lunged inside the swing, planting her off-hand on his chest. She pumped fire and force through her fingertips. He was brutally flung backwards into the wall behind him, a flaming handprint scorched through his clothes to his chest. He collapsed soundlessly.

Rinnie turned to open the door again and her hand smashed against a shield that hadn’t been there ten seconds ago. She yelped, but no sound came out.

.

✨SPARK✨

Mica was still inspecting different bottles. Rinnie could sense her alchemist’s spark. Mica would know exactly how many parts of one thing she would need to put into any mixture. Amusingly, she had to stick her tongue out in thought at every bottle she examined.

Rinnie browsed the shelves, having no need for topical painkillers or ingredients to make said painkillers. Nor did she need any other herbal remedies. Her body took care of itself.

An itching thought in the back of her head reminded her that not all injuries were physical, and she’d have to come to terms with everything the Nidtrins had done at some point, but Rinnie shoved those thoughts away. She walked over to Riela.

.

🌠DREAM🌠

“We’d made a good life here,” Thea said. “Hopefully we can come back soon.”

“It wouldn’t be the first home we’ve left.”

Thea shrugged. “I know. But I can dream a little.”

Behind her, her trunk clicked shut. Cael stood up straighter. Thea closed her eyes and straightened her own spine as well. It was time to move.

“Let’s ward the house,” she said.

.

🔍LIE🔍

The interrogation began and all of them leaned slightly towards the mirror to listen. Sergeant Oliver had taken up a station to the rear and slightly left of the prisoner, barely inside his peripheral vision. Lieutenant Fjord took a seat directly in front of the prisoner and produced a brown file folder, which he opened so as not to give the prisoner a chance to look inside. Granted, it was all a ruse, the file was empty.

“This should be interesting,” Killian commented.

Fjord pretended to scan the lines of text in the folder before snapping it shut and sliding it under his chair. “I’m not gonna lie to you, Lukas,” Fjord began in a sympathetic voice. “You’re in a lot of trouble.”

.

🔪CUT🔪 (CW surgery)

“You do realize that I might not be able to concentrate on a surgery and finding Nidtrins at the same time, right?”

Nathaniel returned with a report and Rinnie took the opportunity to cut into Fjord’s chest. The farther she got in this surgery, the more chance she had of being able to finish it before going out to find more Nidtrins.

“I didn’t necessarily want the ability to sense Nidtrins,” Rinnie muttered. “But it’s unfortunately useful.”

[intergalacticwanderer]

(I hadn’t planned on writing a follow up to this fic, but I kept thinking about what would happen next and therefore this happened.)

It was later in the day when Beau finally caught up with Kingsley again, hangover mostly gone and jobs winding down on the ship. Things had proceeded as normal that morning outside of the initial outburst, but as the day went on Beau had noticed Kingsley getting quieter and quieter, already unusual on its own but downright concerning after what had happened last night and this morning. She had no idea what was even running through the tiefling’s head right now, but based on what he’d yelled right after waking up? It was probably an unholy mess. Just trying to sort it out made her head hurt, and it wasn’t even her head.

She really hoped he could be okay, at least.

“Hey,” Beau said as she came up next to Kingsley at the edge of the ship, resting her forearms on the rail and looking over at him. He didn’t acknowledge her at first, continuing to stare out at the ocean and arms crossed as he leaned on the rail. She waited. If he wanted to talk, he would, and if not, she could at least give him some company.

It was around six minutes before Kingsley finally spoke up.

“You know,” Kingsley said, voice soft and a little rough from disuse, “for as much shit as I give you, we make a pretty good fighting team. It went better than the last time like that at least.” He reached up and rubbed at the scar on his chest and Beau’s heart clenched.

Jumping right into it it seemed. Shit.

“You remember that?” If he was going to jump in she might as well too, but her stomach still lurched at that particular memory. Memories which he apparently had now too, with no warning what so ever. No wonder he’d been so quiet today.

“Yeah. I-I think so.” His hands were shaking slightly. “Remembering’s pretty different than reading your book.”

He threw his hands up in the air. “And I know we've had plenty of times fighting bad guys together. That was just the first time I've been...” He trailed off, seemingly unable to finish the thought out loud. Instead he just huffed, going back to the rail.

“How you holding up? That’s... a lot, man.” Understatement of the year, but how do you even start to address something like that? (Something niggled at her, that there was more to it than remembering dying, but she couldn’t quite place it. She put a pin in the thought for later.)

“Honestly?” He scrubbed at his eyes for a few moments before dragging his hand down his face. “No fucking clue. And... yeah. It’s a lot.” Kingsley blew out a long breath and then groaned, planting his elbows on the rail and burying his face in hands. “This sucks.”

“You got that right.”

Beau let him have another few minutes, watching as some seabirds wheeled overhead in the afternoon sky and a few wispy clouds drifted on the horizon. At one point Fjord caught her eye from another part of the deck and he almost came over but she waved him off, not wanting Kingsley to have to deal with too many people at once. Eventually Kingsley shifted to prop his chin on his hand and Beau decided she'd be the one to break the silence this time.

“Do you remember anything else? Besides-” she gestured to the scar on his chest- “that?” His reactions this morning implied that he did, but it'd be better to hear it from Kingsley himself. He glanced over, straightening up and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Some? A lot? It’s hard to tell when I don't know how much there is to begin with. It... matches what Yasha's told me at least.”

Beau’s heart rate sped up a little. Those comments he’d made this morning about suddenly having two names, about possibly making Molly his middle name now, she forced herself to actually look at that. That niggling thought she’d had earlier got stronger.

“Anything in particular you’re wondering about?” Maybe a bit on the leading side, but probably harmless (and she really wanted to figure this out). She leaned forward a little.

Unfortunately for her, Kingsley picked up on her weird vibe and gave her a confused squint, leaning back the same distance. Fuck. So much for harmless.

“Nnnooo? What the hell are you on about?”

“Nothing! Just curious.” That just made him squint at her even harder. Ugh, Dairon would have given her so much shit for this, she wasn’t used to trying to interrogate a friend. A second later Beau realized the ‘interrogate’ part was the problem and she forced herself to relax. She was here to try and help her friend out. And fuck, why did he have to look so much like a kicked puppy when he was upset? That should have been illegal. She let out an exasperated noise.

“Okay, fine, seeing you so quiet and moody is fucking weird. And I wanted to find out what was up.” There. She’d said it.

“Nice to know I usually have the emotional depth of a teacup,” he deadpanned.

“Oh fuck off. You know what I meant.”

Kingsley cocked his head, just staring back as she glowered and eventually he shrugged. “Alright. What is it?”

“Something’s obviously eating at you.”

“And?”

“Captive audience if you want to rant a bit.” Kingsley raised an eyebrow at the captive part and Beau rolled her eyes. “Not literally. I'll still listen.”

“You? Willingly listening to me?” Back to being an asshole. And an obvious attempt to deflect if she’d ever seen it.

“Yeah. Shocking.” She didn't move, the wind blowing a few stray hairs around her face and Kingsley’s hair tossed about as well while he thought.

“How about this.” He crossed his arms. “You guys going to treat me differently now that I remember stuff from Molly?”

Beau froze.

She wanted to say ‘of course not.’ She should say of course not. But she still remembered that morning, when confronted with yelling purple teifling and memories of the death match fresh in her head, she’d called him Molly.

“Not unless you want us to.” The wind picked up a little and she rubbed at her arms, trying to chase away the gooseflesh. Beau wasn’t sure if it was just the wind.

Kingsley gave her a flat look, red eyes unblinking. “Really.”

“Yes, really. You’re our friend. You.” She hoped that was the right thing to say at least.

“So you guys weren’t disappointed at all when you got me?” He looked at her while leaning his back against the rail, arms still crossed and tail lashing back and forth. Beau suddenly remembered that even if he'd never reached the uncanny level that Caduceus was at, Molly had still been surprisingly good at reading people. And, apparently, Kingsley was too. Fuck.

She sighed and looked down. It felt crappy to admit, but she had to be honest. “Yeah, that'd be a bit of a lie. Still wouldn't justify taking it out on you though.” Her fingers dug into her upper arm. “What matters is who you are now. Trying to force you to be someone you don't want to be is just shitty.” She looked back up at him.

A few more connections came together in her head. She had to know.

“Do... you still consider yourself and Molly to be two separate people, now that you have the memories?” Beau knew as soon she said the words out loud that she’d finally hit on the crux of the issue and Kingsley outright flinched. She mentally scrambled backwards. Shit fuck shit- “You don't have to answer,” she added on quickly, “it's not my business.”

Kingsley hugged himself tightly, looking down and tail coiled around his leg. She felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest.

"I don't know," he said, so quietly that Beau almost missed it. He didn’t look up.

“You don’t have to,” she said. “It’s okay to not know. And like I said it’s none of my business.” (And yet she’d still asked the question. Great job, Beau.)

“It’s just-” He let out a frustrated noise. “This morning, right after I woke up, with all the yelling?” His heel tapped on the deck, jittery. “I was him, mentally. Probably why it didn’t bother me then. But then of course I had to have a bunch of time to fucking think.” Kingsley hunched over a little, looking smaller. “Now it just scares the shit out of me.”

There it was. The answer to why Kingsley had been so out of it all day, and all it did was make her feel like a nosy asshole.

Beau let out a shaky breath, taking another moment to look at the ship around them. For better or worse they were completely alone right then, save for a couple of the seabirds still flying over head. Think. What could she say right now that might be able to help? She’d just exposed some terrifying personal bullshit on accident, so... maybe she could let him see some of her own personal bullshit? Even the scales a little.

“I know it’s not really the same situation, but...” Inhale, exhale. It was okay to talk to him about this. “I’ve talked to you about my shitty dad before, right?”

Kingsley nodded. “Yeah, I know about the shitbag. Still think he could use some extra stabbing.”

Beau couldn’t help but smile a little at that. They really were all ride or die for each other.

“Not gonna disagree with you. The reason I bring him up is-” She sighed. “Main problem he had is he wanted me to be someone I’m not. So focused on the ‘should have been’ and the idea in his head that he ignored the person right in front of him. Well. Still payed enough attention to be awful.” Kingsley was quiet, listening, and Beau gathered the rest of her thoughts.

“Guess what I’m trying to say is I know how awful expectations like that can be. And that’s the last thing I’d want to do to you, okay? And I’ll fucking deck anyone who does that.”

“Even if that person is me?”

What.

Beau was left speechless for a moment, completely unprepared for that response. That was. What??? “Okay, you’re gonna have to explain that one to me. The fuck?”

He shrugged. “Are you gonna deck me? For having unreasonable expectations about myself?” The end of his tail tapped against his boot and Beau just stared at him. “That sounds like what you’re saying.”

“That’s not what I fucking- ugh!” She gave a frustrated tug at the hair on the top of her head, some of it coming out of her hairstyle. “What I’m trying to say you asshole is that the only thing that matters is who YOU want to be and that’s the end of it! Fucking hell!” Her words caught up with her and Beau deflated a bit. “Ahhh shi- fuck-” her face screwed up. “I’m sorry. That came out completely wrong. Sorry. Shit!” Why did she have to be so bad at this?

“N-nah, I get it,” Kingsley said, looking away and cheeks flushing. “And I was pretty shit with what I was trying to say too.” He scratched the back of his head. “And, uh, thanks. For saying that. Really.”

He leaned back, propping his elbows on the rail behind him and hair partially falling in his face. “I guess what I was trying? To say? Is that other people aren’t the issue for me. It’s my own head that’s the mess.” He sighed.

“I like being me, you know? I’m happy. But...” He went quiet again, chewing on his lip.

“But?”

He looked directly at her.

“What the hell am I supposed to do when I can’t even tell what ‘me’ is?”

Just hearing that made her go cold.

“That’s... fuck, dude.”

“You think?” He lurched up and started pacing next to the rail, Beau watching as he went back and forth, tail swishing side to side and one hand gesturing, the other tangled in his hair. “I went to bed as Kingsley Tealeaf, that’s me. Fine, dandy! Then last night we fight in a death match, and there? Mollymauk Tealeaf! Also great! But now?”

He stopped pacing, hands falling to his side. Slumped against the rail. “I don’t know. If I think about picking, ditching one of them, I’m terrified. Not a conscious thing, just thinking about it, makes me scared.” Hugged himself. “But I’m also scared that trying to hold onto both might make me lose ‘me’ anyway. I just. I don’t know.”

He was quiet for several more seconds, eventually raking both his hands through his hair at once and staring up at the sky. “What the fuck am I going to do now?” he breathed out.

“You want an actual answer to that, or you just thinking out loud?”

It slipped out before Beau could stop herself and she had a small moment of panic. This was the kind of stuff Caduceus was good at, not her, but at the same time? She was the person who was actually here right now. And she still wanted to do right by her friend. Somehow.

Kingsley blinked and then barked out a laugh, one hand staying tangled in his hair and the other going back to the rail as the looked over to Beau. “Do you have an answer Scribbles? Or are you just bullshitting?��

“Psht, that’s your job,” Beau said, rolling her eyes, and she noticed him relax a little at the jab. Good. “But, honestly?” She thought it over for a moment. “You do what you want to. And I’m not bullshitting you,” she said, raising her hands in front of her at the look he gave her. “You do what you want. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

He blinked at her a couple more times. Dread squirmed in her stomach, wondering if she’d fucked up her advice giving again, but she forced herself to calm down. “Just think about it. What you might want to do next.”

She could practically see the process of him thinking for the next few minutes, holding still and his eyes distant. Eventually he made a thoughtful noise, hands coming up to steeple in front of his chin and a glint coming into his eyes.

“Does that mean whatever I want?”

“Okay, now you’re just being an ass,” Beau said and Kingsley broke out into a grin. Maybe she hadn’t completely fucked this up.

“Takes one to know one Scribbles.”

“You know what, I might just deck you anyway-”

“I’d like to see you tr- actually, no, you definitely could,” Kingsley said, backpedaling and raising his hands in front of him as his brain caught up with his mouth and seeing Beau raising a fist. She couldn’t keep it up however and soon enough she was grinning too, Kingsley breathing a sigh of relief. At which point she socked him in the shoulder.

“OW!” He hissed out between his teeth, rubbing his shoulder. “Did you have to do it that hard?”

“If I meant to hit you hard, you’d know.” Beau held her fist in the air. “Trust me.“

He eyed the raised fist. “You guys are still terrifying.”

“Hey, that includes you, don’t sell yourself short.” She paused, mulling over her next question. It’d be better for her to know, she decided. “The memories you have from the death match, of... earlier Molly stuff. Do you want me to refer to that as happening to you? Or someone else?”

Kingsley’s face screwed up like he’d bitten into something sour. “Case by case I guess? Death match is okay since it just happened, not sure on the rest yet.” He gave helpless shrug. “I’ll let you know later.”

“Good enough for me. Cause you in the death match? Definitely in the terrifying camp. Like I said, don’t sell yourself short.”

The glint returned to his eyes, along with a toothy grin. “I admit, it was pretty satisfying.”

“Aaand case in point right there, just that expression is terrifying. Fucking hell, dude.”

“I do have a future reputation to build,” he said airily, which somewhat ruined the expression. It also made Beau have to muffle a laugh, and she had to work even harder to muffle it when she saw Kingsley pouting.

“Now that’s just rude.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Beau said, waving a hand in the air and breathing deep to calm the laughter. “This about the pirate idea?”

He nodded. “It is indeed! You should know that I have plans.”

That glint was back in his eyes again, even more worrying than before. Maybe she should warn Fjord about it.

...

Nah, he could find out on his own.

Beau stretched, rolling her head and resting her palm on the back of her neck before looking at Kingsley again. One more question she needed to ask.

“Any updates on the name?”

There was a pause, a long pause, and then he shook his head. “I’ll stick with Kingsley for now. And what I said with the middle name this morning... I’ll keep thinking on it.” There was still some hesitancy, but overall? He actually looked okay.

“Fine by me. And hey, you wouldn’t be the first of the Nein to end up with a different name.” She shrugged. “Caleb and Veth did. Hell, even Jester picked her own name.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! You should ask her about it sometime.” Beau looked back out over the ocean, sun getting lower and the last of the sea birds flying off. “And I think it'd be good to talk Jester and Fjord about stuff in general. I’m not the best at this life advice thing.”

“Noooooo, really?”

“Oh eat a dick.”

“Sorry, can't, you don't have one.”

Beau paused.

“You know, ask Jester about some early Xhorhas disguises we had. I think you’d get a kick out of it.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Color me intrigued. Any reason you can’t tell it?”

“Don’t want to rob Jester of the experience.”

“Now I’m really intrigued.”

“Beauuuu! Kingsleeeey!”

The two of them turned and looked up, following the voice to find Jester in the crow’s nest and waving down at them before cupping her hands around her mouth for the next shout. “We’re having dinner in 10 minutes! Be there!”

“Sure thing, Jes!” Beau hollered, waving back.

“Don't eat all the pastries before I get there!” Kingsley shouted.

“No promises!” Jester shouted back, before she gave one more very enthusiastic wave and started climbing down from the crow's nest.

Beau looked back to Kingsley, stretching then placing her hands on her hips. “Well, I think that’s our cue to get back to civilization.”

“You call this crew civilized?”

“Point. You know that includes you, right?” she said as the two of them started to walk.

“I know what I’m about,” Kingsley said, grinning.

“Suuure you do.”

“Yep!” he said cheerfully. He bounded ahead, tail swishing animatedly before spinning on one foot and throwing his arms out wide. “One uncivilized teifling, right here! And sorry, you’re stuck with me.”

“No refunds?”

“Nope!”

“Well damn. Sucks to be me I guess,” Beau deadpanned, but as she did she came up next to Kingsley and threw an arm around his shoulder, and her friend continued to grin.

“Come on. Let’s go show the rest of this uncivilized bunch what they’re missing.”

(Part Three)

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Redux! Oct. 13, 2020)

Gooooood evening good evening good evening, all! I started the VOD late for this recap and somehow the first four or so minutes of the show have a Twitch audio copyright claim, so I am reduced to only reading Brian's lips when he asks if we're on the internet. Hilariously, Marisha's background room is a comfy-looking blue/gold fabric wall with a ceramic colorful abstract lamp and a yellow silk scarf over the lampshade, and Taliesin's is an industrial looking games room in grey and black with multiple monitors, overhead speakers, and mysterious metal fixtures behind him. What a treasure this group is, honestly.

Tonight's guests: Marisha Ray & Taliesin Jaffe, discussing episodes 110 and 111 again. I wildly speculate once more about what might have caused their absence: jury duty? Sam appearing on The Masked Singer? Something to do with the animated show? One day, we’ll know, one day... (One day this “copyrighted audio” section will come back from the wars, too. Ugh!) Finally! The audio comes back to reveal Brian discussing the endless reality of digital meetings and Marisha talking about (I think) her glare-reducing glasses she’s wearing. Welcome to the New Age (welcome to the New Age, to the New Age).

Announcements: Marisha suggests checking out Dimension20, another live tabletop gaming group, which premieres live on Wednesdays at 4pm (CollegeHumor). 

Brian immediately wants to know how they feel about the revelation that Molly is alive. Taliesin’s personal reaction: he “knows some things” he can’t talk about and is aware of several possibilities that might be going on, but had a sneaking suspicion that there would not be a body for them to find. He says it’s almost all there for anyone to see in past material. Marisha’s personal reaction: she just wants to know how she’s doing with her theories, & was trying to block Tal’s face out deliberately as she was going off on her theories in the last episode. Taliesin says he thought her ideas were pretty good!

Cad has no clue what to think - it’s like listening to your friends talk about Buffy. Marisha thought it was a 50/50 Molly would still be there, but Beau had no idea. Not that it mattered, because as soon as Matt went through with it the reveal still blew their minds. Tal laid out his plans for the character with Matt during Campaign One (towards the end) after they all got their VM tattoos.

It is a “horrifying and gross” thing to dig up a body, and Beau was pretty reluctant to do it. Tal, as Cad: “Sometimes dead’s better.” The moral quandary of trying to speak with a dead friend was very different here than the frequent occasions they used the spell in C1.

Taliesin says his poker face is very bad, so it’s easier for him to over-react and let it all play out. The only other player he can see very easily from his place in their current setup is Travis, and because he knows Travis doesn’t watch TM, tweet, or participate in social media, he admits he thoroughly enjoyed watching Travis freak out at his freaking out. He says he only knew about 20% of what Matt described at the end of that episode. He was picking things to mug to increase Travis’s surprise. I love this so much.

Taliesin provided the table left leg shake; Travis provided table right. Ha!

Beau is really accepting her role in the Cobalt Soul. It’s good when “as a person, you feel like you can settle into your calling. Sometimes you can do more from the inside than fighting from the outside.” It’s a mirrored but opposite path of Keyleth from C1; Beau felt like she was too good for her duty, while Keyleth thought she wasn’t good enough.

Caduceus is not a big believer in jumping to conclusions. He does have an idea/notion of the “city of the undead” and thinks all this necrotic energy must come from somewhere, and wonders if this is the “capital of anti-death.” He’s willing to believe whatever he sees. This is one of the few things that trigger a bit of loathing and disgust in him. It was terrifying that the Wildmother didn’t know anything.

Beau is pretty confident in her Charlie Day impression laying-out-the-research last episode. She enjoyed taking the things that were known & extrapolating around them; this is a huge facet of Marisha’s own personality and she really enjoys it, so she built a character this time that would allow that kind of puzzle-solving. It’s also why she repeatedly notes when Beau journals, so she can avoid metagaming. Trent’s mention of Vess Durogna’s tomb raiding was completely circumstantial, and the only reason she’d made the connection to the Tombtakers was because she’d recently reviewed those notes for a separate unannounced project. Sometimes she tries to make connections and Matt is like, “It was...just descriptive. Just flavor. The curtains were red...” and she has to discard a paragraph of notes. She feels like it’s still something they have to do because of “look at what he does! Look! It’s totally valid!”

Cosplay of the Week: @kitsunstudios with a gorgeous Caduceus with a very intricate silk vest.

Caduceus’s takedown of Trent! One of my favorite moments in the entirety of C2. Taliesin felt Trent was an asshole; Caduceus felt sorry for him because of how dumb he thought he was. Caduceus’s response was "this is the dumbest man I’ve ever met in my life. He’s so dumb! Is nobody going to tell this guy how dumb he is? Oh, they’re all freaked out. Somebody needs to tell this guy he’s an idiot before somebody gets hurt.” (Marisha: “Before?”) Tal says it was the product of several years of therapy and many drunk conversations with Whitney Moore. It was from a genuine place of concern from Caduceus. “How are you allowed to have this much power and be that dumb?”

Brian loved how funny it was to watch everyone tiptoe around Trent and then Caduceus bulldoze through the end of the meal.

Taliesin: “Damage doesn’t make you interesting or better. It’s not what makes you good. Character isn’t found in damage. Just recovery.”

Brian & Marisha commiserate going through the stage where believing surviving something automatically made you a stronger person, better for the pain; instead it just meant you had to pick up the pieces after. Marisha talks about how strength through survival may be true for some people, but it shouldn’t be considered a necessity. Taliesin talks about how he used to think he had to be miserable to write. Brian talks about how believing he liked reading and writing miserable things only limited him for years.

Marisha feels it’s a C2 theme that almost all the PCs have someone trying to handwave or take credit for their accomplishments or explain their pain as being for their own good (Trent, Beau’s dad, Obann). She thinks it’s interesting to see all the various ways people try to take credit for your work/delegitimize you as a person. She loves that RPGs allow you to explore these odd moralities in interesting ways. The only way to fight it is to have a sense of your own self-worth, which is a problem a lot of the M9 started with.

Caduceus likes everyone, and really likes people who appear to need role models (Eodwulf). “With the right friends and the right bar and the right attitude, I think he’d be okay. Come over here where it’s so much better. That seems like an exhausting friendship that you have there.”

Marisha loves the mix of personalities in the M9; Veth, Cad, & Jester were all “we kind of like them!” after the dinner, and she immediately made eye contact with Travis and they both shook their heads. She knows Beau has to go along with it for Caleb’s sake for now, but she & Fjord are pretty sus of Trent’s proteges.

Beau is less concerned about Artagan’s relationship to Jester because “he showed his ass--she’s less worried about Jester now because a little of the magic is gone.” It’s a little like becoming an adult and realizing your parents are also just adults & human. Caduceus wasn’t suspicious of the Traveler for a long time until they got to the island. Aside: Taliesin loves the pantheon in D&D. “The notion of attempting to apply common Western conceptions of religion to a world where you have a pantheon of interventionist gods as baseline makes no sense to me. Everyone admits that every other god is there and doing shit; it has more in common with ancient Rome than anything else.” Now that he knows it was a con, he feels the wind had been taken out of it. He does have a sense that Jester’s gotten back together with an ex: “I hope that I’m really happy for you.” They’re both interested to see how Jester navigates the new relationship.

My internet goes out, of course. I panic for a second, thinking I’ve lost everything above, but all is well! Thanks, Form History Control addon!

Marisha loved punching Artagan, but regretting rolling so poorly. “I miss violence.” Dani lets us know it’s been about four episodes since the last battle.

There’s no way the Cobalt Reserve doesn’t have a single document on the Eyes of Nine. Beau believes “there are no real secrets” because people are just bad at not writing things down. For there to be no information at all seems really suspicious for her.

Fanart of the Week: @oddalchemist on twitter with some awesome Beau conspiracy red-thread boards overlaid a distant shadowy Molly walking away.

Caduceus feels a little guilty for really enjoying his time right now with the M9 and not wanting to go home. He’s starting to suspect that he’s going to go home very different than when he left. “He has the softest problems. I don’t know if I want to move back in with Mom & Dad.”

Beau is trying to get comfortable with the idea of being happy. Jester is probably Beau’s first real best friend & one of the first healthy female friendships she’s ever had. As long as she still has Jester in her life, she doesn’t care. For Yasha... “At the end of the day, Beau is a lonely person and has always been a lonely person. And I think you kinda reach this point where once you’re not lonely anymore, you can kind of come out of the fog and realize that was horrible! And terrifying! And is even more terrifying now that I know what I could have, and I don’t want to go back to that. At the end of the day Beau doesn’t want to be lonely anymore. There’s always been that flirtation with Yasha, but everyone had to figure their own shit out. And now it feels like it’s coming out a little bit of that haze, maybe this actually could be...” There are a lot of ways they complement each other & are good-different from each other. Marisha believes people can be attracted to more than person at once.

Caduceus doesn’t think nature turned against him on Rumblecusp, it was just a reality of nature being dangerous and violent. “He has a complex relationship with nature.” He doesn’t expect special treatment.

Thoughts on the mansion: “Man, it’s nice to be seen.” Marisha: “I don’t know how I ended up becoming the Scanlan of this campaign, but I’m living for it.” It felt like an echo of “I’m better for having known you.” They compare Marisha taking specific notes on the campaign to Liam taking specific notes on people’s favorite tapestries, comics, etc.

They talk about missing theme parks and daydream a park version of the mansion in CritRoleLand. It’s lovely.

Taliesin never expected Divine Intervention to work; he just wanted to roll some dice. He’s still processing what he saw/heard. They all agree it was very useful in the Vokodo fight.

Vilya! Marisha: “Ah! Ah! Ah!” As a player, Marisha was so deep in Beau’s eyes she didn’t pick up it was Vilya at first (especially since Matt really emphasized they should not be looking for C1 NPCs). Marisha’s brain melted. She bawled her eyes out on the ride home after that episode. Right after it ended, Laura told Marisha “Keyleth finally gets her happy ending,” and it makes Marisha emotional again since Keyleth’s story ended so bittersweetly. She talks about the very real feelings of “just wanting them to be happy, though!” She went back and listened to all her old Keyleth playlists. Everyone was teary after the episode. “Everyone has these 100% real memories of being these characters and having these good times.”

And that’s that for that! Thanks for your patience, all, and is it Thursday yet?

[the-kaedageist]

Oooooo how about #13 for a platonic Team Cleric? I believe in you, beat that writer's block! 💪✒️

& marginaliana said: Writing prompt! Caduceus & Jester, 13 kissing someone’s forehead

You both gave me the same exact prompt, haha, so tagging you both here! This was so great and I had a LOT of fun writing in Jester’s voice. ✨

Clerical Work (912 words, gen)

Caduceus wasn’t sleeping.

No one quite realized how much Jester noticed, but she’d been keeping track for awhile. The last three nights they’d spent in the dome, Caduceus had volunteered to take a watch – less unusual on its own – and also spent significant time just lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling with empty-looking eyes. She’d also stumbled across him in the tower kitchen in the wee hours of the morning on a different night, when she’d snuck down to try to get some cookies from one of the cats in a fit of her own restlessness.

As they all bedded down for another evening in the dome (Caleb having used his seventh level spell slot again), Jester waited until Caduceus volunteered to take a watch and chirped out, “I’ll take watch too!” She didn’t look at Fjord, knowing he would be a bit taken aback that she wouldn’t be joining his watch that night, but some things were more important than romance. Fjord would understand. Caduceus was his friend, too.

They were to take third watch, so Jester curled up for bed and made sure to get some excellent sleep first, just to make sure she got all of her spell slots back. They’d had quite a battle that day, and her magic was pretty low. She slept pleasantly until Beau shook her awake for watch. She was completely unsurprised to discover that Caduceus was already awake, seated cross-legged by the edge of the dome away from the sleeping forms of their friends. Jester yawned and rubbed her eyes, stretching a bit before she made her way over to join him.

They sat in silence for a bit as Jester listened attentively to make sure Beau went back to sleep and that none of the others were awake and listening. Caduceus held so much inside himself, it was unlikely that he would feel comfortable talking about whatever was bothering him if the others were listening. Jester had never met such a private person before – Caduceus was so open and friendly, but he also shared less about himself than even Caleb! Jester knew what it was like to share only the soft edges of oneself with the world, keeping the cracked pieces deep inside, but Caduceus seemed to hide both his soft edges and his cracked pieces, almost as though he was afraid that if he had a genuine emotion or opinion, the rest of them would leave.

Oh, Jester realized. Leave him like his family. Oh, that was bad. She would have to be careful with this line of questioning!

“Caduceus,” she began, her voice low so as not to wake the others. He glanced over at her, puzzled. “Why haven’t you been sleeping? Sleep is important for getting all your spells back!”

Caduceus blinked at her slowly. “Oh,” he said after a moment. “You noticed that?” He seemed surprised. He was so silly – he wasn’t the only one who noticed things about people.

“Of course I noticed that,” Jester told him, giving him a soft smile. She leveled her most earnest look at him. “You’ve been so upset by that city and what the Tomb Takers are trying to do, and that forest upset you a lot.”

Caduceus glanced to the side, not making eye contact. “Yeah,” he said, agreeing vaguely in a way that didn’t give Jester any information at all.

“You shouldn’t take this all on yourself!” Jester said. She scooted closer, moving to sit cross-legged right in front of him in a shorter mirror of his own pose. “You’ve helped all of us so much. Why don’t you think you’re worth letting us help you?” She reached over and took one of his furred hands in her own, not looking away from his face.

Caduceus finally met her gaze, and he looked like someone had torn his heart out. Jester wanted to cry in sympathy when she saw how much pain he’d been carrying, how much he’d been hiding from all of them. “I don’t think I’m not worth being helped,” he said slowly. “It crawls beneath my skin. It knows me, it calls to me. I dream about it. The Wildmother doesn’t know what it is or what it wants from me.” He closed his eyes for the long moment between a breath. “If I talk about it, I have to think about it.”

Jester’s heart ached for him. “I understand,” she said. She leaned over and rose to her knees in order to press a kiss between his brow, gentle but firm.

Caduceus blinked in dazed surprise, unused to physical affection from his teammates, and she gave him a soft, sympathetic smile in response.

“We are here for you, Caduceus,” she said, trying very hard to make sure her voice sounded serious. “Please talk to us. At least to me?”

He still looked lost and sad, but he reached over and captured her other hand in his own as well. “Thank you, Jester.”

She beamed at him. “You’re welcome. Next time you can’t sleep, come find me; we can get midnight snacks together! Oooh, Caduceus, you know how to BAKE…that will be so great—” She let her mindless chatter move the conversation onward, sensing Caduceus had already hit his limit for the evening.

It was okay. She would wear him down. Slowly but surely, she would help him learn to open up to them. Maybe then he would even get some sleep.

[themagicmistress]

Heere’s an excerpt from the first draft of ‘Flowers, Soft Beneath My Heels.’ Scrapped most of it, but I liked this scene! Soo, here it is

~

Rumblecusp is a nice place. The sky is clear and has been most of the days they’ve been here. The air is still and windless save the light breezes that simply ruffle the tree leaves.

Despite the relative peace of the environment, which on any other day would be idyllic, her view of the town is one of slight chaos, and in a different way than it had been last night. People are angry, stone-faced and yelling at each other, faces darkened with rage. Yelling is fine. She has a feeling they’re just doing it to do something instead of nothing in their situation. Some, however, wander through the village with lost faces, looking pleadingly up at the sky as if for answers. It has none to give them, she knows. The Moonweaver has said her piece.

But Yasha’s not looking for trouble, or any of the previous followers of the not-god. She peers curiously around the village, trying to call back to mind the location Anola had told her to go looking for.

She has to knock on a few doors and then awkwardly backtrack as she’s met with more than one tear-streaked face until Yasha finds an older man with a long wispy beard and weary black eyes.

“No alcohol here,” he says roughly and goes to slam the door. She wedges her toe between it and the frame before he can. His eyebrows fly nearly to his hairline. “Of course,” says the man she really hopes is Kresh, “I could always reconsider.”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Yasha reassures and he leans back from her a bit. “I’m not going to hurt you,” She says more insistently and Kresh nods quickly. She stifles a sigh. “Look, I’m just looking to buy something nice for a friend and Anola said you were the person to go to.”

The pressure on her foot lessens and the door swings open. “Oh,” his face is sheepish, “Something sweet, right?”

“Yes,” Yasha tells him. Her heels ache and her heart’s still hopping a half-beat too fast from the earlier scare. She wants to be safe beneath the protection of the dome, her friends breathing warm beside her.

The candies are twenty-five gold, a bit more than mainland prices, but well worth it.

She sticks her head into the dome and there’s a second of relief as she sees them all sitting next to each other, not having moved an inch. 

“Jester?” Yasha makes sure her voice is quiet with Beau leaning against Caleb’s shoulder, the two of them having dozed off. “Can I talk to you?”

Jester looks up from underneath Fjord’s arm, who doesn’t appear to notice his own slow attempts to pull her closer. “Sure, what do you want?”

She hesitates. “Just about stuff. Stuff that happened today.” The cleric’s face falls and for a second Yasha feels bad but she didn’t want Nott or the others to bug the tiefling about the candies.

“Oh. Coming.”

They don’t go far from the dome, Jester’s steps short and hurried. She’s also reluctant to go far, to stray more than she needs to.

Yasha pulls out the small sack out and hands it to her. “Here. I thought you’d like these and I also thought you’d prefer to not share, so… here I am giving them to you away from the others.”

The moment Jester figures out what the rock-like amber stones are, her face lights up. “Yasha!” she gasps, and her face breaks into a grin, “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Well, I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure lately, and tonight was a lot. So.” She rubs the back of her neck. “You deserve it.” 

Jester pops one into her mouth and groans and her stomach does a split-second drop as she thinks oh-no-I-messed-up before she realizes it’s a happy noise.

“These are so good!” Jester shoves the bag back into her hands, “They’re really sweet and sorta crunchy at the same time. Holy cow, I can’t believe you got these here, Yasha, because when we leave I’m never gonna be able to get them again.” Her words are a little garbled with the candy in her mouth, but then she gives a pointed look to the bag. “What are you waiting for, are you going to eat one already or not?”

“They’re for you,” she refutes.

“Yeah, but I want you to have one, so eat it,” she tells her flatly. Yasha eats the candy. 

It’s a little caramelly and it melts in her mouth, with tiny hints of vanilla, all flavours she only knows because of Jester. It spreads in her teeth, sticky but pleasing, and in the center is a hard middle she discovers is a nut as she grinds it between her molars.

The tiefling’s fingers are deft, plucking candy after candy from the bag. They don’t shake and her friend’s demeanor remains unbothered by the night’s events.

What had her face looked like, fingers clenched around green robes, eyes teary toward liquid moonlight? She can only see what Jester shows her now. Someone delighted, maybe a little too delighted, by a simple gift of confectionery. Yasha only knows how she felt, watching a friend drift into the sky, glittering with chains like early morning dew on spiderwebs. Her pulse drumming in her ears, a war drum, teeth clenched, sword clenched, and useless.

Would that she could fell a god for her friend, but Yasha has never been able to claim herself saviour.

“Wanna ‘nother?” Jester offers, face curious now. She swallows. “How are you, Yasha?”

She blinks, taken aback. “I’m fine. Jester, are you okay? That’s— that was a lot up there.”

The answer is immediate. “I’m—” Jester stops. Frowns. “I’m fine too. You don’t need to worry about me, Yasha. I got what I wanted, didn’t I?”

That’s one way of looking at it. She got what she wanted, so all the other stuff, herself gone forever, separated from her friends, the Traveler, didn’t matter. A rationalization, driven by necessity, like the kind Yasha made in battle. Help Beau before she’s impaled on those spikes below her instead of helping Fjord, it’s fine Caduceus is right there next to him, and don’t waste any effort on that last guy Caleb’s about to torch. A different kind of survival, the kind where you swath your hurts in anything that makes it stop just so that the raw and aching parts of you can shrivel and die inside your chest. Whether that means smiles or bloody fists.

“I don’t think you wanted this,” she says softly. “Things suck. And they’re going to keep being like that.”

Jester’s lips press together very tightly. She doesn’t look at her. Yasha has never thought of any of her friends as delicate, but now, she thinks that’s the problem. They’re strong. All of them. Strong enough to fight false gods and save villages and reverse death. Strong enough to face horrors most would never dream, and then lose. Someday, she fears they’ll go charging in somewhere they shouldn’t, into a chamber of laughing mouths, swallowing her whole. A clouded night and a clear moon leaving them devastated beneath it, one less to their number.

Not tonight. But it was close enough that her mind instinctively shies away from it.

“You ever think that maybe you put too-high expectations on someone without knowing it,” Jester says, breaking the silence. She tugs at the sleeves of her high-priestess outfit, “And then they try to live up to what you want them to be, but they can’t and then it goes wrong and you know that when it does it’s because of you and kind of really your fault? Like you were the one to set them up for failure in the first place?” It all comes out in a rush, her voice wobbling on the edge of tears as she rambles. “D’you ever feel like that, Yasha?”

There’s a tumultuous set to the lines of her mouth, pulled back into a grimace, too stiff for smiling, too desperate for frowning. What do you say to something like that and how can she say it with Jester looking at her like she knows the answer to her question, the plea she’s making. How do I make it right?

She licks her lips, still sticky-sweet.

“You know it wasn’t your fault, right?”

“I know,” she whispers. And then, softly, an admission of guilt, “but I would have left you guys. I would have.” Jester chuckles. “How did this happen? I didn’t mean— I mean, how did I even make him a god?”

Yasha doesn’t know anymore than she does how to make Jester feel better now. To reassure her this wasn’t her fault, at its core, none of it. “I don’t know.”

“No. That’s alright.” No words have ever sounded so small.

She thinks of Zuala. She’s always thinking, at least a little, about Zuala, but right now she thinks of her pulling them up the side of a hill, a little ways away from the tribe, about the way her fingers had fit neatly between Yasha’s own and how the last thing she remembers before leaving Xhorhas is the sound of thunder.

“You ever think,” Yasha repeats slowly, “people choose to leave because of you? Or not you personally, but because of your decisions, the choices you make. And when you think back, you realize if you had done something different, they might not have chosen to leave at all?” Jester listens in rapt silence and then her mouth opens into a horrified little ‘o’ and Yasha forges on. “And then, if they’re going to leave, should I just go first so I don’t have to watch them do it?”

“Yasha, we’re not going to leave you,” Jester says, almost demanding, voice cracking with the remnants of tears swallowed back.

“No, I know. But I’ve always left you guys,” She says, the night cold against the back of her throat. “And today, you almost left us. You weren’t going to come back from that. We would have gone to get you, but would you have tried to come back to us?”

“Of course!”

“Even if it meant leaving behind the Traveler?” Yasha asks, “Even if it meant letting him take his punishment?”

Jester bites her lower lip and Yasha watches as a brief conflict plays out across her body, fists clenching and unclenching. “That’s not a fair question. I can’t answer that.” She says it like an apology.

Yasha takes a breath and accepts it. She expects nothing less from her, the girl who painted flowers in her room, who stakes her whole self on what she would do for her friends.

She can taste iron and bitter wind like dread in her mouth. “That’s okay. Just— just don’t leave in the first place. We would be sad without you. I’m not even sure what we would do. Probably just mope around all day. Get nothing done.” There’s a ring of truth to the words that hit too close to home to be even remotely funny.

Then, there are arms around her, enveloping and warm. “I’m not going anywhere.” The words are muffled against her chest, likely to hide the quiet sound of rasping around more tears.

“Don’t leave,” Yasha says.

“Do you think,” Jester asks, “ having to ask all these questions is worth it because at least now I have more family to keep worrying about?”

There used to be a hollow in her heart, one that now purrs in some kind of satisfaction and she allows it it’s victory. “Yeah. In a weird way, I’m kind of glad to have someone to leave.” The arms grow tighter around her and Yasha squeezes back comfortingly. “I don’t want to, don’t get me wrong, but if I didn’t have anyone to leave,” She hesitates, “I’d just be running away. If I leave, I know someone will miss me. I would exist in my absence.”

“I would miss you. Beau would definitely.” Jester pulls back, the rim of her eyes a little darker than before.

Her lips curve into a smile without her prompting, though she can’t quite bring herself to care. ““I have no plans to go anywhere unless it’s where the rest of you are all headed.”

“Good.”

The cleric is stiller, and though she hadn’t seemed outright distraught in the dome earlier, now she seems steadier. A port in the storm rather than the raging waves themselves, standing firm instead crashing out and into herself over and over.

“Does asking these questions help you usually?”

Jester shows the nearly-empty velvet bag of candy to Yasha who notices she has to almost unclench her fingers from their stiff position around it. “Not nearly as much as the candies.”

“You think,” she echoes in a mimicry of their earlier conversation, “you’re ready to head back?”

“Yeah. Yasha?” Jester asks, tucking away the little bag.

“Thank you.”

“You’re important to me,” Yasha tells her and finds a little more joy in the soft smile that graces Jester’s mouth as she does. “Thank you for staying.”

She keeps her eyes on her friend’s back, her steps not quite the light skip they are usually, but lighter now. A part of her wishes she could take their group and bundle them away from the world, cruel and unfair to the best of them. Another part looks at the sea line, just barely visible over the tips of forest trees, and wonders how long into the night she would have to trek to make it there before the others wake. If Yasha squints, she can see a tiny light somewhere between the waves. A lighthouse on the shore, maybe, or a star touching down where the horizon meets the sea.

Ahead of her, Jester runs her fingers through the little velvet bag Yasha had given her over and over again like she can’t help but remind herself of the gift. A smile still rests on her lips.

[maskeddevera]

I’m going to write a line by line analysis about the Fjord and Jester scene from last night. I had a bad day earlier this week, and the whole episode yesterday made me so happy, and this scene was beautiful, so I’m going to gush about it a bit. This whole episode really turned my week around (with the caveat that I went to bed so missed the final monster introduction.)

First of all, to set the scene, Jester has been struggling (but playing it off) ever since the spell stole a few years of her life earlier in the day. Fjord has been struggling because he realizes he didn’t even try to do anything to protect her, and the spell took a lot, and it could have been so much worse. He goes to her door, I think, mostly to confess that he feels badly that he wasn’t there for her and also vaguely aware that he might share his fear that they might not get that chance to deal with his baggage.

[Fjord knocks on her door.]

JESTER: Hello?

Jester is surprised. They often have heartfelt conversations, but Fjord doesn’t usually visit her room.

FJORD: Um, I was really worried about you...when you fell.

He just comes out with it...here’s the main thing, it was scary to see her fall.

JESTER:  Yeah...

It was also scary for her, too.

[heavy eye contact]

FJORD:  This suddenly feels far more serious than I thought it might be.

I’m not sure if here he is talking here about visiting the north or initiating this conversation -- but either way, he laughs. He’s nervous.

JESTER:  I know. I can’t get the image out of my head...it’s scary.

Fjord gives Jester space to share. Like he said he would, he will listen to her. By initiating this conversation, she feels safe telling him that the image of the city that is haunting her.

FJORD:  What do you think will happen?

An open-ended question for Jester. Again, letting her share her thoughts and fears...wanting to know what she thinks.

JESTER:  I think if they bring it back, it will, um...it will absorb everything it can.

She sees the possibilities and how dangerous it could become.

JESTER [continued]: It felt like all of the people that lived there, like -- like they were part of the city now, like they could never escape. It felt like hell. It felt -- like torment.

She feels this so hard. It’s eating her up inside.

FJORD: And we have to stop it, right?

Fjord acknowledges that with that information they need to stop it--as a team, but you can see that he is still struggling with his concern for her.

JESTER:  Yeah.

FJORD: I -- I may have an, uh, a problem. Uh...

The problem is he loves Jester and is worried that he would lose her. The problem is he feels like he wasn’t there for her. The problem is he is so scared.

JESTER [softly]: What is it?

Suddenly Jester is focusing on him, worried about what Fjord’s problem might be.

FJORD [continued]: I saw you standing on that pillar, and -- it was the first time where I kept myself from trying to stop something that was happening to you, and I didn’t do anything, and it’s--it’s bothered me.

Fjord feels like he screwed up and let her down. He feels like he could have lost her because he hesitated. Like he could still lose her if he hesitates.

JESTER: You couldn’t have done anything, Fjord. It was in my head, you know?

Jester isn’t sure why he’s beating himself up about this one - he didn’t even know what was happening.

FJORD: Uh. Yes.

I just like how he whispers the “yes,” like he knows it isn’t rational, but he still feels it.

FJORD: I don’t want you to gamble with yourself. I--I know we were playing, and it didn’t seem like much, and--it seems to have exacted a pretty serious toll. All I’m saying is, I just--I want you to be careful as we do this--I don’t think we’ll be the spectators that we thought we might be.

Here it is. Why he truly came time. He doesn’t want her to endanger herself. It’s a constant of not wanting her to be hurt or worse. He is starting to realize that they are involved deeper than they thought that they would be.

JESTER: Okay.

She listens.

FJORD: I want to come out of this and be able to go back to the sea, and go back to Nicodranus, and go back to where it’s warm and not f*ckin’ freezing, and...

Here the dream is stated. The happy ending. The sea, Nicodranus...her home, he’s imagining them returning together. A happy ending for both of them.

JESTER: Me too.

She is nodding. Same page. They have talked about this before, being together in a calmer time and place...some day. He is encouraged by her agreement.

FJORD: I just don’t know if that’s--I don’t feel as optimistic now.

More fears laid on the table. Maybe they won’t get there.

JESTER: Me neither. But...I’ll try to be safe. And you should, too.

She worries about losing the happy ending as well. She worries about his safety as well. He smiles when she shows concern for him.

JESTER [continued]: But if it comes down to it, if -- if it means stopping that Thing...I want to stop That Thing.

This decision is so important for Jester, and I love this for her ongoing arc. I also just really like that both clerics have this quest now. #TeamClerics

FJORD: I told your mother I would look after you.

So what I love about this sentence is Fjord absolutely takes his promise to Marion Lavorre very seriously, but that’s not why he says this to Jester. Yes, I do think he sees it as a vow (I love all the meta takes I have seen floating around about this being one of Fjord’s first steps into paladin territory), but what he is really doing here is the Fjord thing in which he uses others as a proxy for his feelings. So when Jester says she might endanger herself for the greater good, and he implies that her mother would be devastated if he had to tell her that something had happened to Jester, mostly he is thinking about how he would be devastated if anything happened to Jester.

JESTER: We’ll be fine, Fjord. We always are.

Jester attempts to reassure him and re-establish how they are a team. You can tell he isn’t fully reassured. And then he says what he really meant when he said “I told your mother I would look after you...”

FJORD: I care very much for you.

His voice in this moment...so real. Notice he still doesn’t use the word love, a token bit of holding back, but love is what is coming from him, and she hears it.

JESTER:  Really?

Her trembling voice...all of the signs, and she thought maybe especially with recent events, but she wasn’t sure if she was reading into the gift and the eye contact and the pauses...she is so hopeful here. He nods, and takes a deep breath, and he just wants so badly to take the next step, but he is scared.

JESTER: Is it because I have chiseled cheekbones now?

She says this to break the moment because she feels his hesitation, and also because she’s self-conscious about what happened today. And it’s the best thing that can happen because when they are silly Fjord forgets to be all in his head and nervous.

FJORD: It’s the longer horns...

He’s joking, but also he always seems to find her strength to be the most attractive physical characteristic about her, so of course he picks the horns to compliment.

JESTER: Yeah, it really does it, doesn’t it?

FJORD: Yeah...gives you an intimidating look.

The truth is he was intimidated before the horns got longer. He wants to kiss her so much, so he pulls her in and asks...

FJORD [continued]:  Can I kiss you?

Jester is delighted. She thought even if she wasn’t imagining things that this wouldn’t come any time soon. She shyly nods her agreement, and they kiss. I like how he nods and smiles, too, before kissing her -- he’s so relieved that she said yes!

FJORD: I don’t-- I don’t know how this will go. But I can’t promise that I’m going to let you just throw yourself at this thing. I don’t think I can do that.

This confession--he has made it to her before in a different way. Fjord will support her up to the point in which she could get hurt or die, and no more. And I also like how he always frames this confession as somewhat selfish, although it isn’t, because part of the reasoning is that he needs her. Also I think he is holding her this whole time because he never says that he lets her go.

JESTER:  I don’t have an argument.

She is fine with him serving as her protector. She’s giddy. Maybe they kiss here quickly again? In any case...

JESTER: Kissing is a lot more fun when you’re not dying.

FJORD: Or, and, not when you’re underwater, drowning.

JESTER: Yeah, yeah...that’s what I mean.

FJORD: Umhmm.

After their first real kiss, they talk about their “other” first kiss - Fjord attempting to save her life. And we see here that while Jester previously wondered if it “counted” or not, it meant something to Fjord too and that he also saw it as a kiss, although it wasn’t the most ideal circumstance. And perhaps that is why they never spoke about it before, because it was easier to leave it in that nebulous area of maybe it meant something more.

JESTER: I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

While this statement works for Jester, giddy and flustered, I think it also works for Laura who 100% was not expecting any of this to happen in this session.

FJORD: I’ve wanted to do it for a while...I’m kind of a big coward.

And now that it’s out there, now that she let him kiss him, he feels like he can tell her about how his fears held him back.

JESTER:  No, Fjord, you’re very brave.

Jester will always support Fjord and hype him up.

FJORD: I am very brave, aren’t I?

Being brave is facing your fears.

JESTER: Umhm.

FJORD:  I feel a bit...better.

This is what love is. Things can still be dark but your loved one lifts you up. He looks at her to gauge how she feels.

JESTER:  Me too.

[FJORD & JESTER overlapping voices as they teasingly discuss whether they really have to fight this city.]

FJORD:  We can get cats and just flee...

As mentioned in my other post, I think Fjord is discussing acquiring moorbounders, not attempting to abscond with Caleb’s fey cats. Again, this dream is the one about them leaving it all behind together.

JESTER:  We have to fight it.

FJORD: All right. I’ll see you in the morning.

JESTER: Okay.

FJORD:  Goodnight.

JESTER: Goodnight, Fjord.

[Jester goes to hold her little unicorn, falling asleep holding it. Fjord doesn’t sleep much.]

I just love this final image -- Jester now certain that the unicorn figurine means what she hoped it meant (and hopefully not breaking it in the night). Fjord keyed up and turned on and thinking about the conversation over and over, because he surprised himself with his choices but it went well, better than he ever expected.

[agduna-central]

First Love

An Agduna story i wrote as Secret Santa on our Agduna Discord server for @itsmecollington

I had the choice between three wishes: 1. teen Agduna sharing a sweet moment outside as the sun sets over the fjord’s water 2. teen Agduna holding hands as Gale floats them gently in the air (like in the deleted scene but relaxed) (setting is up to you!) 3. teen Agduna drinking hot chocolate and laughing together

And then i thought why not take all of them for the story. This is the result and i hope you like it. Enjoy.

***

Agnarr

Both were exhausted and stopped breathing heavily. He stood bent over and had his hands on his knees while he did not let Iduna out of his sight. Iduna, however, only wiped the sweat from her forehead and had a triumphant expression on her face. They had been playing hide and seek during the last hour, giving each other nothing. He didn't give up and kept chasing after her, touching her according to the rules of the game. But she was quick, fled from him and skillfully avoided all his attempts to pat her down. However, Iduna had help from this magical being and took advantage of this benefit mercilessly. So he was clearly at a disadvantage. She smiled at him.

"Well, have you had enough now?"

"Of course not! But let me first catch my breath a little, then we'll continue. I'll get you soon enough," he replied and looked at her with a slightly angry look. "If you didn't have the help of this...wind...thing, the whole thing would look very different, believe me."

"This wind thing, as you call it, is named Gale and is one of the four Spirits. Gale is my friend," Iduna explained to him and proudly crossed her arms in front of her chest.

He straightened up and looked at her while he slowly recovered. She was so different from the girls in Arendelle; he thought. So confident, resolved and bold. He liked her, although she behaved so disrespectfully to him, the Prince of Arendelle. But beyond that, he liked her too. She looked so sweet when she smiled.

"The way you...made Gale twirl me around in the air earlier and then let me plop to the ground in this degrading way was really unfair. You had your fun with me, it was obvious," he lamented and looked at her as determinedly as she was looking at him right now. But on the other hand, he also had a lot of fun.

This feeling of floating in the air high up near the treetops had been incredibly exciting. His heart was pounding in his chest as he looked down with nothing but air under his feet and the surrounding world revolved around him. In the end, she had given him a nudge on the nose and grinningly said "Boop!" She had clearly won the game, but he couldn't blame her for that. He wanted more of it.

Iduna just smiled and shrugged her shoulders. For a moment they just stood there and assessed each other with glances. Then he sighed.

"Do you think Gale would listen to me, too?" he asked. "I mean, can I get this Wind Spirit to make me float as you can?"

Iduna raised her eyebrows and thought for a second. Then she shook her head.

"I don't think that's possible. But I can tell him that he will just lift us both up and let us both float quietly for a while."

He nodded, "All right. But no tricks this time. Promise?"

"Promise!" she said and then shouted loudly for Gale. A moment later, leaves spun up, circled around her and played with her long hair. She giggled because it apparently tickled her neck. A few leaves now floated in front of her face, circling around an imaginary spot in the air. She held one hand next to her mouth and whispered something to the leaves that he could not understand. It looked kind of strange what she was doing. Then the leaves suddenly came towards him and he automatically took a few steps back.

'Now don't be such a coward, he thought, and stopped expectantly. A powerful air stream whirled around him and he felt the power behind it. Slowly Gale pushed him upwards and his feet came off the ground. He floated now and immediately this euphoric feeling was back. His clothes fluttered around him and the wind whizzed through his hair. He spread his arms wide and laughed. This time it went very slowly and he climbed more and more. Iduna floated up with him and, smiling, came closer at the same height. They climbed further and further and his heartbeat raced. This time, however, with joy. Then they passed the tops of the trees and were suddenly above the forest.

He hadn't expected this sight, and he hadn't imagined that they would both climb so high. Frightened, he rowed with his arms, but there was nothing to hold on to. Only air. Iduna noticed his fear and let herself be carried even closer to him. She grabbed his hands and stabilized him, giving him the support he needed. He looked at her gratefully and smiled. Then he could look around in peace. What an incredible experience; he thought. The view from up here was simply phenomenal.

The wind rustled in his ears and so he was a little louder than he wanted to be.

"That's fantastic, Iduna!" he shouted.

Iduna bent to his ear, "Not so loud, Agnarr! We don't want to draw attention to ourselves, do you hear?"

He opened his eyes and nodded violently when the situation became clear to him. No imagining what would happen if his father saw him like that. He now concentrated fully on Iduna and felt the safe, warm grip of her hands. They were now very close and their faces were only a handbreadth apart. He looked deeply into her eyes and began to sink into them. She held his gaze and smiled at him. Something was happening between the two of them as they floated silently on the spot. There was suddenly a completely new feeling inside him and he felt it in his stomach. It was like a swarm of butterflies and warmth was spreading inside.

He experienced a strong affection for her, an attraction he had never felt before. He could not name it, but he knew in that moment that he wanted to be near her all the time. A deep desire made him tilt his head towards her, but then he hesitated. He couldn't just kiss a strange girl, high up and floating in the air. Embarrassed, he lowered his gaze, saw their feet dangling freely in the air, and the ground below suddenly seemed to be infinitely far away. It would have been better if he hadn't done that now; he suddenly became aware of it, and the butterflies in his stomach had suddenly become something else. Something that wanted to go up by force, through his throat and out.

He noticed that Iduna looked at him as he began to turn green in the face, causing Gale to gently slide them both down.

"Do not look down, Agnarr! Just look at me, okay?"

He nodded and followed her advice. His grip on her hands became tighter and he swallowed hard. 'Just don't throw up now', he thought. He closed his eyes and opened them again as soon as he realized that this only made things worse. She giggled and he just found the situation even more embarrassing.

When they were back down on safe ground he took a few deep breaths in and out. A gentle breeze cooled his face and only now did he realize that he was a little cold. Unlike Iduna in her warm reindeer skin clothing, he only wore his thin city clothes and they were not made for this climate, especially not for situations like this. But slowly he started to feel better again.

"Thank you, Iduna, for this extraordinary experience! It just got a little cold up there and I could use a cup or two of hot chocolate. It warms so nicely from the inside."

Iduna looked at him questioningly, "Hot chocolate? What is it?"

"Hold on, you do not know chocolate? For real? Oh, man, you really missed something. This is the best taste you can ever imagine. Sweet and melt-in-the-mouth. As hot chocolate, it's just dreamy."

"We don't have anything like that here. Apart from honey, we don't have anything sweet here and even that we don't eat very often, because wild honey is not so easy to come by," Iduna said and shrugged her shoulders regretfully.

"We absolutely must remedy that. I can have this drink made for you in our camp. You will be thrilled," Agnarr replied eagerly, looking forward to returning the favor and spending more time with her.

But Iduna shook her head, she even looked a bit frightened; he thought as he believed to recognize in her facial expression.

"I am not allowed in your camp. If I'm seen there, I'll be in big trouble.

"Well, I'll bring you a cup of it," he said understandingly. "Just wait there at the edge of the forest for my return. It won't take very long."

Iduna swayed her head and thought for a moment. Then she finally smiled and nodded. "All right. I'll wait for you there."

"I'll be right back. I promise!" Then he turned around and hurried off.

***

Nevertheless, the following events took a completely different course and his memories became blurred. The first thing he remembered was waking up in his bed in Arendelle and the doctors of the castle taking care of him. What had happened before remained hidden from him. There was only a blurry image in his head, the face of a pretty young girl on a cart beside him, and he thought he remembered handing her a bar of chocolate.

***

Iduna

More than a month had passed and she now lived in Arendelle in the orphanage and had daily classes in the castle. She wanted to look around the town a bit more today and after that she wanted to go for a walk by the fjord.

She just had passed a store where chocolate was sold and immediately memories came back to her. Memories of a promise that unfortunately could not be kept due to the events of that time. Worse of all, Agnarr did not remember their experience together with Gale, her friend the Wind Spirit. She had recognized this from his behavior during her last encounters. Ever since he hit his head on that rock, he didn't even know who and most importantly, what she was. And it was better that way; she thought.

She walked on, deeply lost in thought, and only then did she realize that she was almost at the fjord when she arrived at the great weir wall. She looked up at the wall and saw the reddish glow in the clouds above. The sun set soon and it had already become late. But now she was already here and could just as well watch the sunset at the fjord.

She entered the gate and the city guard let her pass. Once outside, she looked around for a suitable place to sit down comfortably. But the most comfortable place seemed to be already occupied and it was the young king Agnarr, of all people, who sat there and two guards, who leaned against the wall far enough away but still within shouting distance behind him and talked.

She hesitated. Should she simply walk over to Agnarr or turn around and go back to the city? His guards had already noticed her, too, and were now looking at her suspiciously. She was already about to turn her back to the fjord when Agnarr saw her and waved to her.

"Iduna!"

The guards relaxed again, and she couldn't just walk away again now that the young king had noticed her. It would be more than just rude; she thought. She sighed softly and marched towards him with measured steps.

"Your Majesty," she said with a slight bow as she reached him, and he pointed beside her to offer her a seat. She sat down next to him on his blanket and nervousness blossomed in her. Here on the fjord the air had become quite cool at this time of day and a light breeze was tugging at her hair.

"Iduna, you know you don't have to talk to me like that when we're alone."

"I know, Agnarr. It's just because of your two guards who keep an eye on us."

He took a quick look back, smiled at her, and waved. "Don't worry about them. So you have the same idea today as I did... to enjoy the sunset on the Arenfjord. I am very happy that destiny brought us together here."

She didn't know what to answer. Sitting here with the young king on the shore made her a bit nervous. She couldn't handle him as well as she did in the forest thus admit that they had known each other for a long time and had feelings for each other. So she just nodded and looked at him a bit shyly.

Agnarr smiled. "May I perhaps offer you something to drink?" he asked and reached into a basket behind him. "It will warm us a little from the inside, now that it is already getting colder at the fjord."

"What is it?" she asked and followed his hand with her gaze. He opened the lid, took out a clay cup and handed it to her. Then he pulled out a small bulbous carafe from under a blanket in the basket and unplugged it. It steamed from the opening into the cool air above. "I love hot tea. Thank you, Agnarr," she said with a smile and held the cup out to him.

"No tea, Iduna. Much better! It's hot chocolate."

She almost dropped the mug and was speechless. He had kept his old promise and did not even know it. She stared at him and the sweet smell of chocolate wafted over to her. The taste of chocolate was familiar to her by now, he had finally given her a bar of it on the cart and it tasted heavenly. But in liquid form? She stretched out her hand and he poured the dark liquid into her cup.

She gently sipped it and then took a bigger gulp. Agnarr watched her closely and his grin grew wider and wider. "Hmm...," she hummed in delight and closed her eyes.

"Well, did I promise too much?" he asked.

"It tastes heavenly," she replied and drank the cup empty. He laughed.

"More?"

She nodded vehemently and held the cup out to him. "Aren't you drinking with us?" she asked while he gave her a refill.

"Well, I hadn't expected visitors and so I only took one drinking vessel with me. But that's no problem, I drink it quite often in the castle. But you don't seem to know it yet and I'm glad that we have the same taste. So you are welcome to drink the carafe empty while the chocolate is still warm," he said and put the vessel back into the basket.

"Thank you, Agnarr, that's sweet of you," she replied smiling and took another sip.

The sun was already very low and its reddish ball was reflected glittering in the rippling water of the fjord. It had become quiet and even the two guards had interrupted their conversation and now enjoyed the picturesque sight as much as they did.

Agnarr slipped back a bit to give her a better view and his hand landed on hers. They looked at each other and after a few moments she turned her hand around and enclosed his. No words were necessary. Both enjoyed the presence of the other and at some point Agnarr slid closer to her and put his arm around her. She smiled and after a while her head sank contentedly on his shoulder and both watched the sun slowly sink.

***

[cipher26]

Me after watching episode 92 even though I knew exactly what was gonna happen in episode 92.

I know I already talked about how much I love watching Marisha, but goddamn. Her acting throughout the whole episode, from the moment she realized Nott’s curse might be from the same hag her dad saw, to the very end of the episode was just so incredible to watch. She really went there and made my heart break for Beau. But also, she could go from Hearbreak!Beau to Cackling!Marisha in five seconds, and then straight back to Beau, it was amazing. Also good for her, cause otherwise I don’t know how she could have gotten through that episode. 

It’s also kind of amazing how accurately she portrayed the feelings of having to face toxic parents, considering Marisha has such a good relationship with her own. It’s a hard thing for a lot of people to understand, which I know from experience, so to see her really get it and then play it so well was fantastic to watch, even if it was also very painful.

And it really was great how Marisha played the lead up to the reveal. She didn’t immediately yell out “that sounds like the hag my dad saw”, she played it out by showing us Beau freaking out and trying to run from Essek’s house before explaining to the group, it was really fantastic. I love seeing the emotion before hearing about it. It makes for really good buildup. 

I loved this episode a lot. There was a perfect balance of angst and humor. Even in some of the heaviest parts of Beau’s conversation with her dad, Jester changing her accent was so funny and helped the situation breathe a little. But the other players never went so far as to ruin the moment, it was great. 

And I loved the different ways in which the Mighty Nein were there for Beau throughout the episode, but in different ways. Fjord was straight with her, but supportive, and he listened to her and tried to get her to talk through her feelings a little. He was wonderful at the bar, but he also stayed a little lighthearted with her. Jester kept an eye from afar and let Beau know that they were there if she needed them. She let Beau handle the situation, but also stepped in to help when she saw that it was getting too much. Yasha, on the other hand, was more protective. She gave Beau words of encouragement, but mostly she stood by like a protector, and took advantage of her intimidating presence to lowkey threaten Beau’s dad. But not in a silly way, she was very careful about it.

I also recognized again how attentive Ashley is while playing. She almost never took her eyes off Marisha/Beau during the conversation in the house, until Beau’s dad walked in. And then she was carefully watching Beau while also glaring at her dad. Ashley is great because she makes eye contact in the hard situations, she shows all her feelings on her face and is one of the only ones who doesn’t look away. I’m really glad to have her back. 

Anyway it was a great episode. Everyone was amazing, and I love Beau so much, and it was great to see that even though she had to face the pain of her family, she had people there to help her though it. People who actually care about her and support her and think she is amazing.

And now I have to turn off autoplay for ep93 cause I know how emotional THIS one gets as well and I’m not trying to bawl my eyes out before bed, okay byeeeeee.

[elsanna-shenanigans]

April Contest Submission #16: Crack, Shatter, Repair

Words: ca. 4,400 Setting: Canon Divergence AU/Fix-It with Time Travel Lemon: no CW: panic attack described in detail, incest, disassociation, general bad feels, angst

“WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF?!”

Queen Elsa stopped in her tracks.

Her hand hovered above the door handle as she slowly turned around to face the crowd. Though she was startled by the outburst, she dug in her heels in her mind and kept her face neutral. Silently, she locked gazes with the only person in the room that mattered to her:

Anna.

“Goodnight, everyone,” she softly commanded.

Turning her back to her sister, she didn’t get to see the hurt look of desperation form onto the princess’ face. Taking a deep breath, she still faced the door to say,

“And Anna?”

Said princess jolted in surprise.

“Please, just stop trying.”

Then another wooden door was shut between them.

Though she didn’t know, Elsa had just left Anna in the same state she was. As she walked (read: sprinted) through the halls to her room, millions of thoughts swirled in her mind like snowflakes in a blizzard. Elsa couldn’t describe it if she tried other than sheer, overwhelming…

Panic.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][]

Anna stood in the ballroom, unaware of any gazes the nobles stared into her. All she saw was that godforsaken door. Again and again, her mind slipped through panicked thought after panicked thought, quickly realizing what she had just done.

Her breathing quickened, her heart felt like it was going to explode. All she could hear was white noise screaming in her ears. All she saw was a black tunnel leading to another, white wooden door.

‘I just yelled at the Queen.’

‘At her coronation.’

‘At Elsa’s coronation.’

‘In front of everyone…’

“Oh no… no, no, no, no, no…” she whispered to herself.

Before Kai could rush over to help her, she had already started to run out of the room, decorum abandoned the moment she had started to question her sister’s actions. Suddenly, Hans seemed a lot less important as she saw her sister turn away from her once again. Now, the door slammed shut, both royal sisters gone and the nobles left standing in confusion.

“No, no, no, no, no…” Anna seemed to repeat endlessly.

Faceless servants rushed by her in a flash, akin to a winter storm. White, shrieking noise made her deaf to any comments, as the black tunnel made her vision seem practically non-existent.

“Why did I yell at her? Oh, Gods! Why did I yell at her?!” She mumbled incoherently through the hall as she reached her room.

Not only did she fail to notice Elsa’s door was open, but as she barged into her room, crying and gasping for air, she saw something unfathomable.

First Anna noticed her ice-colored eyes, and next the dress that she wore. White, shining spindles of reflective material wove into endless patterns like fractals. Her hands were… ungloved. And her hair was waving behind her from the open window. The woman’s eyes were wide and unprepared as she looked at the princess, watching calculatingly at her exponentially worsening state.

Anna started to talk as she broke down, shoulders feeling heavy like she was at the bottom of an endless sea.

“I-I’m g-going t-to l-lose her. S-She hates m-me. Why d-did I y-yell at her?! What am I going to d-do?”

Almost as an after thought she added,

“Gods… I’m the w-worst sister ever.”

That shocked the woman out of her daze and soon ‘(Elsa?)’ was rushing over to hold the princess tightly in her arms. The contact shocked them both, practically shivering at the foreign feeling of having their sisters arms around one another, though both for a different reason.

One, for not even remembering how it felt since she was a child. And the other… because she hadn’t felt the embrace since she last saw a Queen, standing above her and screaming. But through this touch the two were able to center themselves and try to calm down.

Anna just… kept on rambling, tears bubbling out of her eyes and making her voice wobble. Her face felt hot and her eyes stung but nothing in her mind made sense anymore.

She had just lost her sister. She had just pushed her away, exactly like what she did to Anna. The princess had always known that she couldn’t expect Elsa to come back herself, but pushing her away?

That meant she was never coming back.

And in Anna’s mind, if Elsa left her alone, just like their parents did?

Fear. Panic. Sense of self? Gone. Hope that one day she’d get an answer for what no one would tell her? Out the window. Mental state?

Broken.

Something in her mind had chipped as she watched Elsa turn, and absolutely shattered as the door closed behind her.

But now, somehow, Elsa’s arms were wrapped around her own, hugging the sweet life out of her. It was the only thing she could focus on with all of the things springing to mind in her head. Then, a voice snuck into her thoughts.

“Anna, breathe with me… I need you to breathe.”

“I’m… I’m okay. I’m fine, it’s fine, I don’t- I’m okay. It’s o-“

“Anna,” the woman interrupted, “Stop telling me you’re okay. Just look at me. Breathe.”

For some reason, she did as she was told.

“Hey,” She began again, “Hold my hand, you’re going to be fine.”

Again, for no reason she could come up with, Anna did as she was told and began to breathe, albeit unevenly. Her hand grasped the other and held on both softly and firmly, though she could barely tell anyways. As she kept trying to match Elsa’s breathing, her overwhelmed mind finally started the process of calming itself.

“Good, good. Anna I need you to listen to me, okay? Just nod if you can hear me…”

Anna managed a small nod, eliciting another squeeze. This Elsa kept her hold on the princess tight and warm, though she didn’t know why. And now, her head felt like it was going to explode if she didn’t let the words in her head tumble out of her mouth.

“Elsa… she’s going t-to leave me. She’s gone. I-I can’t do it. I can’t l-live without h-her-“

“Anna, listen to me.” The soft voice commanded. “Focus on me, I can help you. You just need to breathe for a moment.”

“B-But what if sh-she-“

“Anna,” Elsa said, stepping back but keeping her hands on her shoulders. The shock of the air between them brought some semblance of thought back and she could now see the increasing worry in those glacial eyes.

“Can you do something for me?” She questioned.

Anna nodded and Elsa came back in, holding her close one more time. With her eyes open and unfocused, the princess tried to listen to Elsa’s voice right beside her ear. She spoke, still as soft as she could, but now Anna could hear the fear and worry in it.

“Alright,” she started, “For now, I want you to say these in your mind, okay?”

Elsa waited until a small, almost imperceptible nod landed on her shoulder. Judging by her hesitation, she was going to need to give Anna a moment between each question to center herself and think again. Right now, all she needed was for the girl to breathe so that she wouldn’t pass out in her arms.

“I need you to think of five things you can see. Nod on my shoulder or squeeze my hand when you’re done.”

Anna did as her sister told her to.

‘I see… the open window… the family portrait… the bed I sleep in and the blanket on top of it…’ Anna looked down and thought, ‘And the beautiful dress Elsa is wearing.”

When Anna squeezed Elsa’s hand after a few minutes, she could feel the relief sagging on her sister’s shoulders. Taking a deep breath, Elsa continued:

“Now, how about four things you can hear?”

This time, the task didn’t seem as monumental, and already Anna’s mind had slowed down enough to think. Unfortunately, her breathing was too loud to hear anything other than it itself. So as she continued to try and hear the things around her, she started to slow her breathing down and was able to hear more.

‘I can hear… my own breathing, Elsa’s as well. I hear the birds outside in the gardens… and the waves on the coast of the fjord.’

Anna gave Elsa another squeeze and the light haired woman continued.

“Good, now three things you can feel.”

Quickly, she knew what she would say in her mind, and was ready to go.

‘I can feel my clothes, the hard wooden floors, and Elsa’s arms wrapped around me tightly.’

When the squeeze came in a little more than ten seconds, Elsa smiled and nodded, challenging her sister once more.

“Good, Anna,” she breathed, “two things you can smell, but now…” Elsa paused, preparing Anna with a breath against her shoulder,

“Say it… Out loud.”

And just like that, the princess’ mouth went dry and numb at the prospect of speaking again. Anna started to catastophotise, each thought darker than the next. She could feel her mind slipping again, but Elsa saved her once more with a few simple words.

“It’s okay, Anna, I don’t need this quickly, just doing it is all that matters. If you pause, that’s completely fine, but promise me you won’t give up.”

Anna nodded into her shoulder and tried to speak, though it came out hoarse and scratchy.

“I c-can smell…” she started, listening to her own husky voice, “the…’’ she paused. Closing her eyes, she only focused on what she could smell, and soon she could differentiate them.

“The crocuses. Outside. A-And the smell of… w-winter?”

Behind Anna’s hair Elsa smiled, her cheek hitting the girls head. Elsa had been wondering if she would pick it up, but it seemed that she would always have the scent of winter around her.

“What does that smell like?” She asked, though really only out of curiosity. Yes, it would help her sister but she also wanted to know what others seemed to smell when they said “winter”.

Anna took a deep breath and commented, “It smells like p-pine, and th-that smell in the air when snow would fall? O-or like mint mixed w-with… mountain?”

At that Elsa chuckled softly and smiled again, knowing she was helping repair the panicked princess.

“Okay, okay, now one last thing. What can you taste?”

Soon, Anna answered, “I-I can taste the chocolates on the tables from the party.”

Blushing from the embarrassment of the situation, Anna held on tighter to this woman that was helping her. She didn’t think she could stand on her own, let alone think or talk, so she tried to extend the time she had with Elsa.

“W-What was that method..? I-It really helped and… I’ve never experienced that b-before, but it seemed to calm me down…”

Elsa nodded and pulled back, taking Anna to the bed to sit down on the edge. This time, instead of her head being buried in white locks of hair, Anna could see her sister now. Giving Anna a look of, ‘I know what you’re doing,’ Elsa smiled warmly again and proceeded to explain.

“What you had just now, did it feel like you were wrapped up in your own head? Like no matter how hard you tried something would always come back and pull you under again?”

Anna nodded, trying to block out her memories from ruining this moment.

“This is what you call a panic attack.” Elsa gestured around, but ended by taking one of Anna’s hands in her own. At the mention of the word panic, Anna felt like she had an epiphany.

‘I had a panic attack.’ She thought, ‘At least, now I have a name for it if this happens again… It was terrifying to say the least, though I have to wonder why Elsa would know-‘

Interrupting her thoughts, Elsa rubbed her thumb across Anna’s palm and began again.

“I actually came up with the method that I used with you. I like to call it ‘grounding’ because when everything feels like it’s speeding off in every direction, this helps drag it all back to the ground and slow it all down.”

Anna nodded but questioned, “W-Why go through the senses?”

“Well, I can’t be sure but it probably felt like you could barely think right?” A nod of approval was solemnly sent her way.

“It’s called ‘sensory overload’. I start with sight because it’s the easiest thing to latch onto. Second is hearing because it makes you calm your breathing down to listen to the small noises you can pick up. Third is touch, again because it’s easier and that it puts you back into reality.” She explained.

Going on, she looked into Anna’s teal eyes.

“Fourth is smell, because it’s a little harder and you need to really slow down to catch it. Last you have taste, because usually you only have one thing that you can taste, and that it’s the hardest one to pick up.”

Throughout the explanation, Anna was enraptured by Elsa’s words. Her voice sounded like a soft melody that soothed her mind right back down to calm. Though now, she had to respond.

“That’s… really insightful. But… why did you even have to come up with this..?” She asked worriedly.

Through a sad smile, Elsa softly explained, “I had to figure this out… because I have panic attacks as well.”

The princess gasped but nodded for Elsa to go on, interested in what she would share.

“As a child, no one would be there to calm me down when I would get these, so I usually started counting down from one thousand. It started to take more than that though, because as I got older, my fears grew darker.”

Tears sprang in the light haired woman’s eyes, but she tried to blink them away.

“Eventually, I would just try to focus on your footsteps in the hallway, or if I could hear your voice, then that as well. I realized as I thought about what I could hear, I had to calm down my breathing enough to do so. That’s when this method started to form.”

Though the tears started anew for Anna, they weren’t for herself. As her sister talked through her story, she kept wishing she had just taken a sword to the wood and shattered it.

‘That would have been better than having our minds broken and needing repair.’ She bitterly thought.

— Before the coronation, after the late King and Queen had boarded their last ship, Anna had asked Elsa why she didn’t come out of her room. Instead of the answers she thought she would get… she got:

“I can’t Anna, I want to leave… but Mother and Father…” the voice trailed off.

Yet after a long moment, it began again.

“They wanted me to stay away from you.”

Something started to crack in her heart as she heard the words come from a soft, empty voice behind the door. Though it was little now, the crack grew with every passing day. The words she’d been given both confused and relieved her.

Why would Mother and Father lock her in there? What are they all hiding from me? And why did Elsa sound so sad? —

Anna’s tears fell slightly harder. And though Elsa tried her best, a single tear fell through her defenses.

“Anna, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“I’m not who you’re looking for.” She stated shortly.

Anna blanched, confusion jolting her mind like jumping into ice water. The emotion must have shown on her face because Elsa rushed to fix the mistake she made and said,

“Anna, Anna,” getting her attention, “I… I’m not who you’re looking for, because I’m not the Elsa that you just asked that question to in the ballroom.”

Still, Anna was so confused.

“What..? But… I-I dont understand… You’re my sister… and I haven’t seen you in years…”

Now, Elsa backed away from Anna’s position on the bed so that she could really get a good look at her. She stood and took a few steps away, turning back around to look at Anna with a patient, calm smile that looked right at home on her face. Raising an eyebrow, Elsa asked one more question:

“Are you sure, Anna?”

The princess looked back to this Elsa and replayed her entire interaction. Small discrepancies started to pop up, bringing light in the dark pit of confusion.

Her hair was down. Her eyes were… different. A good different. More relaxed. Her shoulders weren’t stiff and perfectly postured, nor was her gait silent and calculated. Her smile wasn’t simply polite. She looked directly at Anna, not just around her. Her dress was… revealing, to say the least. And her feet were only covered with sandals. But… Her hands were ungloved. And she was touching her. And her smile was natural. And she didn’t look afraid.

This wasn’t her Elsa.

It couldn’t be.

“You’re not… My Elsa…” she concluded, eyes mixed with sadness and disappointment.

“But then… Who are you? If you’re not my sister… how are you in here?” The princess asked fervently.

“I’m…”

Anxiety crept onto “Elsa’s” shoulders as she looked away, gloveless hands coming together in an old habit: wringing them when she got anxious. Anna noted it instantly and spoke again, her mind suddenly sharpened with calm, collected inquisition.

“You’re wringing your hands… like Elsa does.” She stated simply. “You are Elsa… but…”

“I’m the Spirit of the Enchanted Forest.”

The room went quiet for a few moments, the silence taken up by the stares they gave each other, one staring in disbelief, the other staring with increasing anxiety, though she hid it quite well. When “Elsa” went to sit back down, Anna startled where she sat in surprise. The bed creaked as the spirit sat and the mattress squished down, but otherwise, there was no sound.

Silence. Until…

Tap. Tap. Ta-Tap. Tap.

“Anna?”

…

“Please, I know you’re in there, people have been asking where you’ve been…”

…

“You said have courage, and I’m trying to… I’m right out here for you…”

…

“Just come on in…”

…

“We only have each other, just you and me…”

…

“I want to fix this too…”

…

“Yes… I want to build a snowman. Do you want to build a snowman..?”

…

“You and I…”

…

Tears dripped down Anna’s cheeks, remembering the old song she would sing. She’d given up and almost forgotten about the little tune. Now… her heart ached at the response she’d gotten. Not only were the words so painfully similar, but the differences made it all the more heartbreaking. Never had Anna wanted to open a door so badly, but for some reason her body was still frozen in place.

…

Elsa spoke now, softly:

“I’ll be in my room, if you need me. If not…”

…

“I’m sorry. For everything.”

Steps faded away from the door and Anna was frozen in her seat, trying to comprehend what just happened. Elsa, her Elsa, just sang for her, and then she didn’t answer, too shocked to get a word out.

Anna turned to “Elsa”.

“Elsa” decided to speak.

“My time is running out, Anna, but I need to tell you one more thing.”

The girl quickly motioned for her to go on, mind already racing at the prospect of seeing her sister, though she did want to pay attention to this one.

“Anna, I’m… from somewhere else. And in my time… something happened. But all I need to say is this: Please, never, never hide behind a door. All I want is for you to be yourself.”

“I truly love you.”

“And when there comes a time when you and me don’t agree, or we fight, or we discover something about ourselves that we think will chase the other away…” The spirit looked as if she knew from experience.

“Please know, you are my true love. No matter what I will always trust your feelings and opinions. If you want to help with queenly duties, I’m going to try and stop you, but only because of how boring they are. If you want to ride our bike around the halls, please, drag me out of the study and take me sledding.” She chuckled.

Anna watched as the memories flashed before the spirits eyes, almost as if they were happening in real time. Elsa now stared clearly into her eyes though, and said another remark.

“Anna, always remember, I love you. I trust you completely. And I trust that you won’t take advantage of it. I’ve always had some… issues with self-control. I let fear decide my fate. But you, you can free me from that. You can help me with more of it, or you can rip down my walls. And I’ll always know that you will put my comfort first, no matter how much I wish you didn’t.”

Tears gathered in the spirits eyes again, remembering her past.

“All I ask is that you make sure you communicate. You need a balance. You should not be suffering for my peace of mind, nor should I. And-“

She looked down to find herself evaporating into snowflakes. Fear rushed into her eyes and she looked back to Anna, expression pleading with sincerity.

“Just remember one thing, if nothing else,”

Anna listened as intently as she could, watching her sister fade away.

“I love you, An-…”

Lips hit her cheek and disappeared, air clearing the empty room where the spirit used to be. Anna sat with wide eyes, trying to recall every word she said as she watched the snowflakes float away and out of the window.

The white, crystalline hexagons of ice floated away, but as the princess watched them go her eyes found their way to the waters beyond.

The fjord.

As she looked out to the fjord, the sky darkened and the words echoed inside her head. As if in a trance, she stared out at the setting sun over the water, the sloshing waves crashing on the coast. The blue seemed to deepen the more she stared into it, but her mind didn’t stop the daze from consuming her thoughts. Instead, she sat still and looked into the waters with increasing intensity, her mind stuck in a limbo of conscious thought and hazy half-awake remarks. All the while, she stared out to the fjord and it calmed with time as ships stopped leaving the harbor, but still she was frozen, eyes blurry and numb.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

“-na…”

The Spirit returned to Ahtohallan in a flash of light, snowflakes dissipating in the dome of memories.

‘Who knew that a magical memory dome would also let me travel back to the past?’ She thought.

Then, like the water flooding from the dam, a new set of memories flashed inside her mind. These swirled in her mind but she blinked away the dizziness, finally thinking clearly.

She gasped.

“I brought her back…” She said out loud. Smile growing and magic surrounding her, she shouted,

“I brought her back!”

The dome flared with the emotions and Elsa sprinted out of the cave, rushing back to run into Anna’s arms.

The pieces had been broken, but Elsa put them back together, and with time, the cracks healed to reveal a girl more resilient than before and someone who had learned, did not stay broken. The cracks were small, but still there, and everyday Elsa helped her. And when Elsa would start to crack, Anna would help her instead.

It was a balance.

And they were finally able to be free.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

Anna, back at the window, snapped out of her daze, remembering the words she had heard.

“Just come on in…”

“I trust you.”

“I trust you not to take advantage of that.”

“If nothing else…”

“I love you.”

Her cheek burned like frostbite, or as if she had been out in a winter storm and got in a steaming bath. All she could focus on was the cadence with which Elsa spoke of her.

“I love you.”

“She loves me…” Anna numbly answered.

Something in her mind screamed that this wasn’t real, it had to be a hallucination, there’s no way that her sister could have kept so much from her. She couldn’t have kept… being the spirit of an enchanted forest from her.

‘But why else would she lock herself in her room?’

‘Maybe she doesn’t know…’

‘But what about the snowflakes? Does she have magic?’

‘She… maybe she doesn’t know about the spirit thing, but maybe the snow?’

‘She’s hidden so much from you. You should be mad.’

‘No. She trusts me. She loves me. Our parents locked her in that room and she doesn’t know what to do. She has panic attacks for gods’ sakes! And I’ll never know unless I go in there.’

Anna moved from the window and looked back to her moonlit room. She knew that this was going to be hard. She knew that Elsa wouldn’t be so open as her… other self.

But she had an invitation into her room, that was a start.

And soon, she’d be able to know who her sister is. If only she took the first step.

Anna shut the door behind her, leaving her anxiety and fear in the room with it. The hall seemed so much shorter now, the white, looming door just a few meters away.

But now, the door stood in front of her, the familiar sight immediately giving her chills as she looked on warily, but this was it, this was her chance. No amount of buildup could prepare her for this moment, so all she did was knock.

Tap. Tap. Ta-Tap. Tap.

…

…

…

“Come in…” a soft voice uttered, completely entrancing Anna by simply existing.

The handle turned in her grip, the spindle sliding as she pushed down with her hand until-

Pop!

The white, overloading door slid open slightly, silently swiveling in her hold. It was now or never, and Anna chose to push.

A familiar yet completely new woman greeted her as she walked into the room. Hair over her shoulder in a braid, eyes mixed with both wariness and love, it was her.

Elsa.

“I think we have a lot to talk about, Anna.” The Queen started.

As Anna walked into the room, shutting the door behind her, she responded,

“Yeah, I think we do…”

[seawolvesanddragons]

Critical Role Character Study Songs - Yasha//Combo Songs

(all songs taken from my 2008 ipod that has not been updated in literal years)

First off a thousand apologies to Yasha that she only gets to individual songs...I genuinely just could not find a lot of songs on my ipod that fit her well; blame my music tastes. 

YASHA

“I don’t know if you can hear me/I don’t know if you would listen to a gypsy’s prayer,”

God Help the Outcasts (Hunchback of Notre Dam) -  While I could also see this applying to Jester, I felt it fit better with Yasha. Something about the sad, simple request in the song, the denial for anything for themselves while asking for their loved ones and those turned away from society just screamed Yasha, and also reminded me of how Yasha interacts with the Stormgod.

“I’m standing in the sleet and rain/don’t think I’m ever going to make it home again,”

Wheel in the Sky (Journey)- Look I can’t exactly describe eloquently why this is a Yasha song, but it’s a Yasha song; especially the references to where she doesn’t really know where or what tomorrow will bring 

COMBO SONGS 

“I’m running out of time/I really thought you were on my side,”

Don’t Let Me Down (Chainsmokers)- Fjord (when worried about Uk’otoa) or Yasha (when possessed)

“Funny, one small part I never knew/with everything to win/the only thing I lose is you,” 

Everything to Win (Anastasia)- a couple of them: 

Essek when he realizes he actually likes the Nein, 

the group when dealing with the hag and Beau’s deal; 

Caleb when acknowledging that turning Nott back might mean the end of her time with the group 

“I know you hear me now/we are a different kind/we can do anything,”

Heroes (Alesso)- Jester/Mollymauk; While the others tend to take a more cynical and pessimistic view of their role in everything and the type of people they are, I feel like Jester would relate to this song - while they work undercover a lot and aren’t welcome in, well, a lot of places, they’re a skilled and powerful group in the position to do a lot of good, and Jester would want to try and do that; Mollymauk’s whole “leave everyplace better” also is reminiscent in the lyrics. 

“I know that greatness lies in you/but remember from here on in/history has it’s eyes on you,” 

History Has It’s Eyes on You (Hamilton)- Beau, Fjord; Out of everyone, I feel like these two carry the burden sung about in this song the most. Beau, as an expositor and increasingly their spokesperson, was instrumental in  their attempts to negotiate for the end to the war and Fjord as a generally conscientious person is aware how much their actions can have consequences and effect others, and after his own struggle with Uk’otoa is very wary about this. 

“You never knew how wonderful/that smile could make someone feel//but we’re a million worlds apart/and I don’t know how I would even start,” 

If I Could Tell Her (Dear Evan Hansen)- Beau, Caleb, Fjord about Jester; Look if this song doesn’t accurately sum up all three of these fools’ lovestruck thoughts about Jester who they all perceive as way out of their league, than nothing does. 

“He will never be part of us//and we know that he’ll never be part of us,” 

One of Us (Lion King II) - all of them at one point tbh plus Essek; They all felt like outcasts at one point or another but this song particularly reminded me of Essek’s feelings of rejection from being a young prodigy and a non-consecrated one at that. 

“She’s a trusting soul/she put her trust in you//tell her everything you feel,”

Tell Her About It (Billy Joel)- Nott to Beau (or Fjord) about Jester; Look, I’m just saying that at some point Nott’s preference for meddling and her knowledge about Beau’s crush is going to come up during role play. Sam is just biding his time. 

“Thanks for all the joy they’re bringing/who can live without it/I ask in all honesty,”

Thank You for the Music (ABBA)- Cad or Jester to Wildmother/Traveler; This song is about thanking an unnamed power about music, but it could just as easily be about the abilities granted to them through their deities. I feel its more applicable to Jester, and her unique relationship with the Traveler, but I wanted to include Cad in there. 

“I rose up from the dead/I do it all the time//I don’t like your little games/don’t like your titled stage,” 

Look What You Made Me Do (Taylor Swift)- Yasha when raging; Jester when she tricked the Hag to save Nott and Beau and the whole damn peace effort. 

Admittedly not on my iPod but I wanted an additional song for Yasha’s raging and Jester tricking the Hag moment deserved it

“Give them an act with lots of flash in it//and they’ll never catch wise,” 

Razzle Dazzle (Chicago)- Jester (and Mollymauk?); A lot of Jester’s fun comes through trickery and loud, bedazzled statements; she is loud and charming in a disarming way and unapologetic about it because she knows theres a strength in it and it is who she is. She uses her charm to get everyone to let their guards on - and sometimes (like the hag or Essek) that turns out its own kind of deadly for them.  Mollymauk was skilled bs-er who was always ready with some sort of wild backstory or distraction to keep information close to his chest 

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E74 (Aug. 13, 2019)

This week’s guests are Mica Burton and Marisha Ray! Let the chaos reign!

The druid couch (TM) is asked to turn into an animal. Like, right now. Just do it. Just turn into an animal. Just do it. They succeed?

[id] Marisha, Mica, and a Molly body pillow on a couch, all holding strange poses [end id]

Announcements: The second issue of the second series of Vox Machina: Origins comes out tomorrow! The body pillow is Mica’s (she also has a McCree body pillow: “some asshole voices him but whatever”)! And... I guess that’s it? Here we go!

Episode 74: Manifold Morals

Mica has only seen a couple complete episodes of CR, but she’s picked up a lot by osmosis, which is to say that she knows the secrets of Arsequeef (she’s still a little taken aback when Brian excitedly brandishes a tiny photo of him in her face).

Stats for this week’s episode! The party went 183 days without knowing Beau’s last name. Reani had the 250th guest roll of campaign 2. There were six otter puns in the episode. 

Marisha, deeply insulted: “Only six???” 

Mica’s been playing D&D since she was a teenager. She was in a campaign when she was at Rooster Teeth, which was her first experience playing a more intense campaign. She’s got an acting major, so the improv always really appealed to her. She only brought about 1/4 of her dice to the game. “I guess it was my mating call to Laura to pour them out in front of her.” She sent in a four-page backstory for Reani to Matt; after receiving it, apparently Matt burst out of his office to tell Marisha, “I love Mica Burton.” Usually, Mica plays chaotic neutral characters (typically tieflings), but she wanted to try something different this time around. She also sent a three-page description of Reani for the artist’s reference.

Marisha: “I love her freckles.” Mica: “I love her titties.”

“It’s been very difficult to separate Beau’s feelings [about Reani] from mine.” Marisha loved seeing another druid at work. “Beau finds you very endearing and charming, but also Beau kind of thinks Reani might be a psycho.” Mica: “Valid.”

"I just thought it would be cool to be Giant Scorpion Batman.” Reani just sort of set up camp in Uthodurn while waiting for further instruction. “The angelic past influenced the Folk Hero, rather than vice-versa.”

On the party not knowing Beau’s last name: “She’s... fine. Beau likes keeping the upper hand by continuing to have secrets.” Marisha resolved at the beginning of the campaign not to reveal anything personal about Beau unless it was immediately useful or she was asked directly. “She would value knowing things but not divulging them. The more you tell people, the more they have to use against you.”

Cosplay of the Week: an adorable Jester! (on Twitter: koalois, photo by AmynTheOutcast)

Reani’s always been “super evil-die, good-live”. Landen really leaned into Samliel talking to her. “If Landen says ‘listen’, and Samliel says ‘listen’, all Reani knows is ‘listen’.” 

Mica hadn’t planned any of the M9 parallels; she hasn’t watched enough of the show to know those details. She also didn’t know in advance that the group would be dealing with patrons to such a degree. “Dude, I rolled her months ago. This is all just an amazing coincidence.” She feels like if she’d seen everything, she might have approached the character differently, but this felt “more organic”.

She talks about how nervous she was to be on the show (”I was shaking”); she loved everyone at the table and had heard such good things about the fandom, and she wanted to do them proud.

“I don’t know if Beau sees herself as a capable leader. That feels very generous. But I think Beau knows she can bullshit herself as a capable leader in the moment. Beau’s best when she’s bullshitting.” Marisha put a lot of points into deception, because she knew Beau would be good at lying, but Fjord’s influence has made her try to be more honest. “I should go back to lying.”

“Goatback? Does that sound fuckin’ enjoyable? Yeah, no, fast-travel’s a big deal, especially when you’re at this level.” Marisha points out that they got spoiled having Keyleth last campaign to just teleport via plants wherever they needed to go.

Mica on the concern over Reani’s low hit points: “Y’all, I’m fine. Trust and believe.” She points out that she has two Wild Shapes. “That’s a lot of hit points!” Marisha: “I’m so proud.”

One of Reani’s favorite methods is to invite her victim for tea and then poison them. “It seems more humane than stabbing.” Dani: “She could legit have just murdered all of y’all.”

Fan Art of the Week: Reani and Caduceus and the tree! (on Twitter: Skidarstudios)

Mica’s horrified off-screen gasp when Brian does the dab-slash for the first time is magical. Marisha: “I appreciate your humor so much more when seeing it through your eyes.” Dani: “Yeah, she makes you a lot funnier.”

Mica on the failure points of the relationship with Fen: “When I yelled, ‘it’ll always be your fault!’ it was a gut reaction. She understands that what she does can never work with how Fen thinks. Their ideals inherently clash, and they obviously still care for each other, but when your base morals don’t mix, it’s just going to be a destructive circle. It was kind of a mutual ending of the relationship.”

“But she’s traveling with a hot-ass monk, so, you know. She’ll be fine.”

Beau’s always known that her affiliation with the Cobalt Soul can be a good bargaining tool, but she’s had to be selective about that. Mica: “It won’t fly at a club to get you in.” So she’ll always jump at the chance when it arises.

“Samliel hasn’t said anything other than ‘Dragon, dragon, dragon’,” which is the first thing Reani’s heard from him in five years. So she’s defaulting to helping the Nein out as much as she can. Reani overheard the M9′s whole conversation, and she heard them talking to Umi about spreading his name and that he’s as good as his father. “She wants him to be happy, so she’ll put herself at risk to help the greater cause. Also, she thinks a lot of the people in the group are attractive,” especially Beau and Caleb.

Reani has the Luck feat and Mica realized after the game that she didn’t use it once. “I’d rather use it for something that can get us killed, rather than an auditor.”

Mica will be back next week! Mica: “Is this a legitimate offer or are you baiting me?”

[grimmseye]

A Bird in the Hand: Chapter Seven

Read on Ao3 here!

Rating: M

Fandom: Critical Role

Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (eventual)

Chapter Characters: Mollymauk Tealeaf, Essek Thelyss, The Mighty Nein

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Molly Rez, Amnesiac Mollymauk, Oh My God They Were Roommates, Essek’s Ex-Catholic tendencies, Non-explicit sexual content and discussion, (Sexual content is not between main characters sorry)

— — —

Messages from the Nein — more specifically, from Jester — always brought with them a sense of dread. Any amount of joy or amusement or frustration he felt at her jabbering in his mind could always be accompanied by the undercurrent of foreboding as he remembered exactly what he had done. Sometimes he grew convinced they'd found out, a spiral of paranoia leaving him sick and shaking and running through contingencies as madly as a demon's thrall —

Counterspell for Caleb, though maybe Jester would earn it first. They would be the ones to harm him with magic. Caduceus would have to be put down swiftly, an illusion might be enough to hold him in place but then he wouldn't be able to handle the rest — Yasha would fall easily to control, he didn't know her as well and wouldn't suffocate on his guilt if he pried her mind apart and made her into a puppet one more time, trained that sword upon the rest — though again, maybe that was best reserved for Caleb, even if he was likely to shrug it off with the same teachings Essek had faced to turn that fire against his friends had nearly been the end of them before —

No, running would be his best option. Running, hiding. A spell to hold them still or stunned to grant him his escape. Alone, Essek could maybe pick a few of them off, but at the end of the fight he would be dead on the ground. It was best if he just ran.

And now he had someone to take with him just in case they tracked him down.

But every time it was just Jester's voice, overly-friendly as she always was, and the panic calmed into confusion or mirth or exasperation, all depending on the day. Today the dread remained, as he slipped down the stairs to where Mollymauk was lounging across the floor, scratching images onto paper with his tongue half poked out between his teeth. His gaze lifted to Essek's approach, tail curling up into the air. It was a hello, he'd determined, remembering how Jester's did the same.

"The Nein are going to be returning," Essek told him.

It was a curious range of emotions that darted across Mollymauk's face, and none of them looked good. When Mollymauk did not fill the silence, Essek continued, "I am going to be teleporting them to their next destination. It is a visit, not an extended stay."

The silence continued, Mollymauk sitting upright but not speaking, his tail coiling over the floor. Essek hesitated for a moment, then asked, "Do you want me to tell them you're here?"

It was enough to get Molly's gaze to refocus. "That's an option?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Not forever," Essek gave a wan smile. "But for now, if you do not feel ready to meet them again, you do not have to."

"Huh." He puffed out a breath, laying back down in time with the exhale, until he was splayed out across the rug and staring up at the ceiling. "Maybe. Yeah, you know what? Let's call that the plan until I say otherwise."

"Just be sure to tell them you wanted this when they do find out," Essek said, with dry humor. "I do not want them to think I've lied to them." And certainly not to know.

Time was running low. The exchange approached, and then it would be over. The mystery could fade, never to be solved. The Nein didn't need to know, and would never find out. Eventually the guilt would fade. There was hope on the horizon, but he had expected the feeling to be much warmer than he found it.

"They will be here soon," Essek added, after a beat. "It will take a while to complete the circle and travel across the city, but —"

"You won't even know I'm there." Mollymauk rolled over to get to his hooves, gathering up his supplies — they'd made a run to an art store to get more materials for his cards.

With Mollymauk gone, it left Essek in pensive silence as he waited on the Nein. Once upon a time, he'd planned to call in a favor or three, send them in a few separate directions to throw them and anyone else off his trail, use the idiots who'd thrown a wrench in his plan to put the pieces back into place. It would be smart, to cover his tracks, to let them believe the trail had gone cold. Now, he couldn't bear to further his own deception. He made empty threats, promising some dreadful task with no intention of following through. At this point the farce was embarrassing to keep up.

It would be over soon. He only needed to wait for the Peace Talks to conclude. Ideally, whatever they were doing now would eat up the time left over, let them trudge back home to where Essek could finally breathe in the same room as them, to where he had their friend safe and sound, to a brand new day where the past could be left to rot and Essek could —

— what? Sever himself from the Assembly? Impossible. He'd already done too much to break ties now. If he turned his back on their research, then what was the point of any of this? And if he couldn't turn his back, then the deceptions would continue. He would betray the Nein, again and again and again, each new falsehood tightening the noose he'd placed around his own neck.

Ice-cold dread splashed down his back. He clasped a hand to his mouth, wheezing through his shaking fingers. Then what, his mind demanded. Then what?

When the Nein arrived, Essek had cleaned himself up, his guilt and his panic sealed behind a cool facade. They came in their usual whirlwind of chaos, and he wondered if Mollymauk was listening in as they chattered among themselves, talking over each other and at him as always, a trait that had gone from infuriating to only a mild annoyance. Any time their jabbering grew to be too much, spiked anger in his chest, some part of his heart reminded him that he liked these people, and the resentment couldn't take hold.

"Hey. Hey." It was Beauregard's abrasive voice that broke him from his thoughts. She lifted a quizzical eyebrow. If there was anyone to be wary of, aside from Caduceus, it was her. Her eyes were dangerously sharp. "You get stuck up there?" She asked, pointing upwards.

Essek looked up, pausing for a long moment. He knew he was wrong even as he asked, "Upstairs?"

"No the — the sky, the clouds, you know." She waved a hand. When Essek didn't grant her an inch, she blustered, "Head in the clouds? Stuck with your head in — never mind." She deflated with a sigh. Rubbing her temples, Beau said, "You're being weird, what's up with that?"

And that was exactly why he was wary of her.

It would be safest to just brush it off. He could blame it on a project, on stress, on other responsibilities. That would be safe, that would be smart, but curiosity, as always, was present to drag him down.

"Something you asked a while ago stuck with me, that's all," Essek told her. He brushed his hair up and back, out of his face. "Nott asked me about a — Lucien? Molly?" He struggled not to tack the mauk onto the end. It had been Jester who gave that name, hadn't it? Molly had a cult.

He should probably ask Mollymauk about said cult.

It took Essek a moment to notice the others had gone quiet. A few of them looked to Yasha, whose fingers were squeezed tight around her own arms.

Of course. He instantly realized how idiotic he'd been — they still thought Mollymauk was dead.

"Yeah," Beau said, with the kind of casual tone that was audibly forced. He didn't know the details of Mollymauk's death, not even how long ago it had been, but the Nein had arrived without him quite some time ago. They'd likely grown used to the sting, even if the tension in Beau's body was unmistakeable. "He used to travel with us, and then one day he died. Was killed. He — yeah. You know something?" She glared, defensive in the same manner as a dog that bared its teeth when it was hurt.

Essek ignored the question. "I just wondered who he was," he murmured, voice soft. "I... apologize if I've stumbled onto a sore subject."

If anything, it was just tense. They hadn't seemed to mind the conversation much when they brought it up, but it seemed that from an outsider, the question was ill received.

"He was..." Veth piped up with some hesitance. "Kind of a dick, honestly?" , It sent a ripple through the Nein. Yasha tensed, the rest looking torn between amusement and discomfort. "He'd make people squirm on purpose and had a lot of sex when he was rooming with Fjord." Her voice took on a hesitant laugh. "Like. A whole lot —"

"Yes, yes, but let's not speak ill of the... departed." Fjord's interjection petered into something soft. "He was a friend, you know."

"Of course!" Veth gave him a halfhearted glare. "I know that, obviously! I loved him as much as the rest of you. He was an — an asshole, and the fact he's dead makes us all act like that isn't true. But I loved him." Her shoulders sagged. "He danced with me, remember? That was fun."

The silence stretched. It was, of course, Jester who broke it in the end, with a bright, "Molly knew things!" Even through her cheer, there was a watery quality to her smile, while Beau winced. "When we first met, he told my fortune. Look!" She whisked a hand into her back, pulling out a deck of cards. She fanned them out for Essek to see, revealing that they were incomplete, most of them still blank. Several held a different art style from the rest, and the imagery presented made it easy for Essek to guess she'd picked up the legacy. Her art was actually quite impressive when she wasn't desecrating holy sites. "He made these himself!" She beamed. "He was — he was still making them — he —"

Essek's heart jumped. Her smile was broad, but tears were welling up in her eyes as she spoke, her voice starting to crack. He floundered, a hand lifting and hesitating in the air. Beauregard was already sweeping forward, putting an arm around her shoulders to pull her close.

"He was full of shit and every other word out of his mouth was a fucking lie," Beau bit out. "But he made people happy. And then he died." She clenched her jaw. "And I'm sure he's lording it over us somewhere."

The truth had become a jagged thing. It wasn't such an easy secret to hold onto now, barbed with thorns and drawing blood. Not his own, but theirs, it wrapped tight around their throats and threatened to slice. So Essek held his tongue, watching as the Nein recovered from the hurt he'd returned to them. Yasha turned and left, Jester breaking away from Beau to give chase. The rest remained in place, and Essek's gaze panned past Caduceus and to the other one of them who hadn't said a thing — to find Caleb with his eyes shut as he ground his thumb against his forehead.

There was the impulse to question again, wanting Caleb's opinion. What did he think of the tiefling, as ostentatious as he was, far too bright and too loud and yet...

The question would be out of place. And it was inane, regardless. The Nein clearly loved him. There was no reason to question their deeper bonds. But gods if he didn't want to know what the two of them had looked like side by side.

A flush rose to his cheeks, half embarrassment and half outright shame. Whatever depraved curiosity had seized him, this was not the time for it, when he'd just reawakened his friends' grief. It was wrong. And gods help him, Essek wanted to be better for them.

But he couldn't be. Not yet, and maybe not ever. That was something to calculate later. For now, it was just another feeble tally in paying back his debt to them all, as he gathered them up to whisk them away. Whatever he earned was nullified at once, with Jester spending paints of magic beyond even the best conjuration caster, just to make him a parasol. She could use those to open holes in reality, and she had wasted her paint to shield his eyes from the light.

Essek returned home with a burning in his eyes, and he wished it was thanks to the sun.

Working with the Cerberus Assembly did not mean Essek liked them. In return, he knew all too well they did not like him.

They needed each other, however. Mutually assured destruction was an excellent motivator. So as scheduled, Essek strode to the full length mirror in his bedroom. He'd locked and warded the room, so that no sound could pass beyond that door, no nosy tieflings could stick a hairpin in the lock. What Mollymauk was even doing wasn't of much concern right now, not when he'd spent the day scrambling through his reports to make sure he had all the right details in place, what to offer and what to withhold, what questions to ask as well.

The stern form of Ludinus Da'leth shimmered into view. As usual, Essek's gaze was drawn to his eyebrows, elaborately shaped caterpillars that they were. He missed the man's greeting entirely, but offered one of his own, coolly polite.

It was little more than the usual exchange of information. "I will be meeting you as usual, in the guise of Dezran Thain," Essek said, as they'd already established half a dozen times before.

"Yes, yes," Ludinus sighed. "We are all quite aware of the plan by this point. Do not mess it up, Thelyss."

Essek's gaze was cold. "Thus far my pieces of the operation have run perfectly. I've had no annexes gallivanting with demon cults thus far."

Ludinus' face pinched, to his gratification. "I'm sure there is much you could tell me about demon cults," he returned, and Essek hated to feel his lips peel back in a snarl. He schooled his expression, fingers curling into fists beneath his robe.

"After all," Ludinus continued, "you reported attacks by gnolls within the city."

Essek paused, then frowned. "How did you know that?

"Previously, we had seen similar activity in the Empire," Ludinus reported, "though not nearly so dramatic. We have good reason to believe they may be followers of Yeenoghu."

It wasn't really an answer, Essek noted, but let it slide. Yeenoghu was the demon prince of hunger, worshiped primarily by gnolls. Some even believed that gnolls were all demons sent by him to the Material Plane, but some also believed drow all worshiped Lloth. It would, unfortunately, explain the near-feral behavior of Xhorhasian citizens. The Nein had been dealing with demons — or at least fiends — for a long time, after all.

"Regardless, it's being handled," was all Essek said, getting a grunt in return. "If that is all?"

"It is. Farewell."

The mirror blurred an instant later, before returning to a reflective surface. Essek stared at himself, stiff and clean and not a hair out of place, and let out a long groan as he rested his forehead against the glass.

And then what.

He couldn't cut ties with the Assembly. He couldn't admit his sins to the Nein. So then what. One side was going to go up in flames and burn the other with it, and where did that leave Essek except as a wretched creature, sobbing that he'd been burned after reaching into the fire.

Returning Mollymauk was not going to relieve his guilt. He knew that. The lie had been a pleasant fantasy while it lasted.

Essek stepped away, taking a glance at the clock. The entire day had slipped by in a blink, and he hadn't eaten a thing. Nor had he heard from Mollymauk. Perhaps they could find a place to sit down and eat dinner, with Essek too tired to cook and too hungry to wait.

Mollymauk was not in the house. The suspicion settled in when he checked the tiefling's bedroom and the living room, and then the kitchen for good measure, and didn't find so much as a spaded tail. It was when he'd trekked around the house calling for him that Essek felt dreaded confidence take hold: Mollymauk had left.

A string of curses followed Essek out the door. He grabbed a lock of fur out of his bag, burning it to ash as he cast his senses out for Mollymauk's presence. The ley lines that twined through the air reverberated in response, empty of his target.

The cabbie he hired was more than a little confused at Essek's request, but happy to comply for the pay it would earn him. They marched up and down the streets of Xhorhas, combing through that web strand by strand. The spell ran out and he cast it again, irritation building at the sheer waste of magic. It only spiked when the spell reacted to its target.

The spell picked up on Mollymauk within a crowded bar. Essek grimaced as he handed over a handful of coin, waiting for the cabbie to trot away before he burned yet another spell. A drow who did not look nor dress like Essek Thelyss walked inside with a sour look on his face, eyes cast about the bar in search of the easiest person to find.

Mollymauk stuck out, but the tones of his skin actually gave him a vague chance at blending in. Searching for tails wouldn't do him much good, as some elves did have them, tufted instead of spaded at their tips, so it was horns Essek looked for instead.

He found the tiefling at a booth of the bar, seated in the lap of an elf with a hand rested on his cheek. There was a woman at his side, leaning against the first elf to murmur something in his ear, the two speaking conspiratorially as Mollymauk's smile grew broader, leaning away from the man to catch the female elf's lips.

It was a filthy kiss. Essek could see their tongues, an outraged blush rising on his cheeks. He twirled a wire tight around his forefinger, hissing, "Mollymauk, what in the hells are you doing?"

Molly's head twitched. Essek voice was a growl as he added "You can respond in a whisper."

The tiefling relaxed back into the lap of the male elf, tipping his head back on his shoulder and toying with his hair. "I'm having fun. You're free to join." By the movement of his head, Essek knew he was searching the bar. His eyes slid over Essek, not recognizing the disguise. "Where are you?"

"Looking directly at you."

It took a beat for their eyes to lock. Molly smiled, murmured something to his companions, and gave them each a kiss on the lips before sauntering his way across the bar and towards Essek. "I didn't think you were the type!" He grinned. "If I'd known, I would have invited you."

"I'm not," Essek said, voice terse. "I was looking for you because you left without saying a word."

"And you can just track me down?" He looked alarmed at first, then just sighed. "Fucking wizards. Well, apologies for the scare, Mister Thelyss, I'll be sure to at least leave a note next time, yeah?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"You should not be here at all," Essek hissed. Mollymauk's brow furrowed. "Aside from the blatant danger of a tiefling wandering around the city, it's depraved."

Molly blinked at him. "Huh," he said. "You're full of surprises today, Mister Thelyss. It's a little depraved, sure, but it's not bad."

"That —" Essek drew a breath and let it out with a huff. He'd been taught to be careful with such contact. Representing Den Thelyss meant having all eyes on him. Any amount of childish irresponsibility would be seen and remembered. "That is fair," Essek admitted, before his voice sharpened again. "I misspoke, but I still will not have you bringing some..." He waved a hand, "venereal disease back to my home. I am not paying a cleric because you played with the wrong person."

"Fucked," Mollymauk corrected. "Had sex with. Let's use our adult words." He gave a smirk, and in that moment Essek rather disliked Mollymauk Tealeaf. His glower must have translated, because the tiefling put up his hands a moment later, "But, alright. I'll be safe about it, pinky swear."

He dropped one hand, sticking the little finger out on the other. Essek just stared at him until Mollymauk gave a, "Oh for the love of — seriously?" Then he grabbed Essek's hand, bending his pinky up to hook them together. "Pinky swear! Like this! I didn't even have a childhood and I know what this is!"

"I didn't have much of one, either," Essek frowned. "I know what it is, but it seems... inane."

"Gods, you're so sad," Mollymauk breathed, looking aghast. "Are you sure you don't want to come back with me? You need to relax, and they like group stuff —"

"I am fine," Essek hastily interjected. "Thank you, Mollymauk, but I am quite fine."

"What if it was just me, then?"

The offer was stunningly sincere. It was blunt and honest, a genuine question, Mollymauk meeting his gaze with his head tipped to the side.

Essek swallowed.

Did he want to kiss Mollymauk Tealeaf? Yes, far too much. He wanted more than he should, and not just from Mollymauk himself. But it would be wrong, wouldn't it, when Mollymauk's mind was still piecing itself together, when everything Essek presented of himself was deception.

So he said, "No." And Mollymauk just shrugged, seeming perfectly unbothered. "But —" He sighed. He knew his irritation was born of jealousy, and now that he'd just turned down exactly what he wanted, he had no leg to stand on. "Just keep it subtle along with safe, please. I have a reputation, and you are beginning to extend to it. If the Shadowhand is seen with a tiefling with a reputation for being..." He grasped for a word.

"Slutty?" Molly suggested.

"Promiscuous," Essek said. "It will reflect badly."

Mollymauk stretched his arms over his head, and Essek decidedly did not look at how his muscles flexed with the motion. "Alright," he shrugged, going lax again. "That's a tall order, Mister Thelyss, but I'll see what I can do."

"You will?" He blinked.

Molly gave him a bemused look. "Yeah? You asked, so, sure."

"Fjord said you were a terrible roommate," Essek said. "You would invite people into your shared room without his input."

"Hey, he never asked me to stop! I think." Molly pondered it for a moment before seeming to give it up. "Ah, whatever. At the very least I'm respecting your wishes this time."

Essek shook his head, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I suppose that will have to do."

"So if we're done...?" Mollymauk looked expectantly, and Essek sighed as he waved his dismissal. He watched the tiefling rejoin his partners, sinking back into the booth, and turned away before he could witness anything unsavory.

His life had become a stack of contradictions. The Nein were his friends, and yet he betrayed them at every turn. He wanted nothing to do with the Assembly and yet couldn't sever his ties. He wanted... something from Mollymauk Tealeaf, and refused it when it was offered. Essek's heart was heavy as he made his way home, the house quiet and empty and yawning.

Today, he was jealous of the other peoples of Exandria. Humans and halflings and tieflings, nearly anyone who wasn't an elf, they got the luxury of sleep at the end of the day. At least they could escape their thoughts when they rested.

[beauregardlionett]

unrationed 5/7

AO3 Link

She put her hand on Yasha’s shoulder. The Aasimar was quaking under her touch, grief wracking her battered body. Before she could even open her mouth, Beau’s hand was forced to recoil, as skeletal wings took up the space the monk had previously occupied.

Yasha screamed. She got up and walked away.

“Yasha—” Fjord and Jester’s simultaneous calls for their friend cut short as Yasha threw up a hand.

“I’ll find you when I’m ready.” Her voice was barely audible.

They watched her walk off into the storm, and Beau stayed silent the whole time.

--

“Think about it.” Beau’s voice was watery, but firm in a way that made it sound like she had given up already. Yasha hated it.

The monk’s nose blushed at the tip, her eyes puffy and red from tears that never stopped falling from the moment they set foot in Kamordah. She wanted to reach out and comfort Beau, wanted to hold her and tell her they can figure out another way. Yasha wanted to tell Beau everything she’s been holding inside her for weeks—perhaps months—now.

She does not do any of that. Instead, Yasha wished she could turn back time and make a different choice of destination, one that would spare Beau this pain.

She had a choice laid out before her now, to do just that.

Yasha walked inside the witch’s hut while the others argue around Beau.

--

Yasha never realized before now that she runs away from all of her problems. She had never faced a single one of them head on. Yasha ran away from everything that happened with Zuala; she ran away when the circus was in danger, when Molly died, when Obann took control of her mind (even though the Mighty Nein continuously remind her that wasn’t her fault). Even after she finally stayed, the rest of the Nein gave her enough space to work through her thoughts until she ended up running away from them instead.

The fighting ring was the closest she had gotten to acknowledgement of her issues.

Yasha was tired of running.

She knew it was time to face at least one thing head on.

“Beau?” The monk looked up from her book, perched on the wide windowsill of the study room in their house. Caleb was sitting at the desk, absorbed in his books; he didn’t even look up to acknowledge the intrusion. Fjord was tucked into a corner between the ends of two bookshelves, perusing through some book or other, but looked up long enough to give Yasha a wave before he was back at it. Yasha wasn’t sure what he was reading, but he looked invested.

A look back to Beau found the monk still staring at Yasha expectantly, an eyebrow raised with curiosity. Yasha didn’t think she had enough courage to open her mouth again in the quiet, so she settled for a gesture. Beau seemed to get the cue and stood, marking her page and leaving the book on the sill.

Leading the monk through the hallways, up the stairs to the rooftop garden, Yasha sent a quick thanks to the Storm Lord that Caduceus wasn’t there. It would have been awkward to ask him to leave so she and Beau could speak privately.

Sitting among the roots of Caduceus’ tree, Yasha waited for Beau to sit beside her, and then they stared out over the shadowed city. They both let the silence stretch for a good few minutes, the neighborhood quiet as always when the Mighty Nein were taking a break from cooking up shenanigans.

“You okay, Yash?” Beau asked after they had been sitting for a while, gaze never straying from the city.

“No,” she said. Beau looked to her at that, surprise written on her face before she could hide it. Now or never. “I have not been…I don’t think, for a while. But I would like to try to be.”

“Is…this what you wanted to talk about?” Beau ventured, seeming hesitant. At Yasha’s affirming nod, Beau nodded back and paused before asking, “do you need me to help in any way? I’m not exactly the best at giving advice or comforting people, but I can always listen?”

Lips quirking in a quiet show of amusement and gratitude, Yasha shifted to face Beau a little more.

“That is very kind of you, Beau,” she watched the monk blush at that. “And I will probably take you up on that sometime. But for right now, I want to start trying to be better by um—by facing something I am afraid of. I realized that…I am not very good at that.”

Beau looked like she wanted to say something, but held it back and let Yasha keep talking.

“I am a coward.” Beau almost interrupted her here, but Yasha put up a hand and gave Beau a sad, but grateful twist of her lips. “I know you have said many times, that I am not, that I am a survivor. In a way, you are right…but you are also wrong. I think I am somehow both. Because I survived what happened with Obann…but I have run away from everything else that has happened to me.”

At Beau’s curious look, Yasha searched for a breath to steady herself with and kept going.

“I ran away from what happened to Zuala, and from what happened with the circus and Molly. There are many other things as well, but I noticed that I just…keep running. I don’t want to do that anymore. It is because I keep running that I feel I have nothing, I have no place—even here. I just…I get so scared. I think it is because, the last time I tried to have something good, it was all taken from me. And I do not think—I know—that I cannot survive that again.”

Yasha had been staring at some flowers that Caduceus grew nearby, focusing on their color, the shape and curve of their petals, so she would not have to look at Beau while she spoke. While she laid her heart bare for the monk to observe, analyze. As her words tapered off, though, she peeked sideways and found Beau watching her with intent. Her brows were doing something strange where she looked determined and upset all at once, and Yasha wasn’t sure how to interpret that.

“That’s…” Beau started and immediately trailed off. Her impossibly blue eyes flickered with something too fast for Yasha to catch before she starts again. “I’m proud of you, Yasha. For wanting to try again. We’re all going to be here to support you, you know that right?”

“I do,” Yasha nodded, almost without hesitation. “You have all made that…quite clear.”

There was a bit of amusement in her tone, and it tugged a grin onto Beau’s lips. On anyone else, the grin would look sheepish, but on Beau it looked triumphant.

They lingered in stillness for a while longer. Yasha didn’t personally know the Wild Mother, but the tree at her back felt like an encouraging embrace, offering her strength.

“I’d like to start now,” Yasha said to the inky sky above them. “Facing what scares me.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Beau returned, Yasha more than able to hear the smile in her voice.

“I like you a lot, Beau,” Yasha dove right in. “And I know that I am…difficult to talk to sometimes for many reasons. But I want to talk to you more—to everyone, really—but mostly you. And I just want to…ask that you give me a chance?”

When she turned to Beau, the monk was sitting up straight and looking back at her with wide eyes. She seemed shocked and Yasha felt her stomach twist with apprehension that might be anticipation, but she was never good at telling the difference.

A slow grin spread across Beau’s face, and she reached over to tangle her fingers with Yasha’s. There was a squeeze to Yasha’s calloused hand, before Beau leaned back against the tree once more.

“I’d like that a lot.”

Beau’s voice sung a little like victory, but Yasha knew it was only the beginning. It wasn’t a step forward, because she didn’t want to think of this as going somewhere when she was exactly where she wanted to be. Instead, Yasha pressed a little more into the tree at her back and envisioned roots. She pictured a sapling, wilted and weather-trodden, but alive. The sapling’s roots were little, still more green than brown, but they’re there—and they will grow.

Yasha will grow, and with time and care and a little bit of light, she will heal. And one day, she might even bloom.

[sockablock]

They stood in the snow on the path to Uthodern, tiny white flakes drifting slowly past their eyes.

Beau cracked her knuckles. 

“Well, then? Come on!”

Fjord’s gaze trailed across the dagger in his hands, then flickered briefly to the ground. Stacked in a careful pile at his feet was a whip, a glove, a shield, and an axe, slowly getting being buried beneath the flurry.

He sighed.

“Something just feels off about this. I don’t want to attack while you’re unarmed.”

Beau immediately groaned.

“You’re kidding right?” She waved her hands around. “You’ve seen me punch ghosts into dust, you think I can’t handle a stupid knife? This isn’t some chivalry bullshit, is it? That you can’t come at me just ‘cause I’m a chick?”

Fjord quickly shook his head. He raised his palms, dagger glinting in the light.

“No, gods, no, it’s...definitely not that. Believe me, I’m well aware of your power—”

“Good.”

“Yes, well aware. No, it’s just that...I…I just feel sort of bad.”

“Is it your chest?” Her aggressive stance eased, her head tilted to one side. “Should I go get Cad or Jester or something?”

“What? No, no, it’s not that either. It’s more of…well…that I’m being a burden.” He gestured off towards the distance, where farther up the silver slope, the rest of the group were gathered around a campfire. Smoke curled into the empty sky.

“You should be with everyone else, getting warm. Not standing out in the cold, training me.”

But Beau only frowned and crossed her arms.

“I told you it was fine, though,” she said. “And you know me, you know I’d rather be doin’ this than sittin’ there, bored out of my mind. I can only listen to Nott complain so many times before I try to kill her.”

“Come now, Beau. You can’t mean that.”

“You think I couldn’t take her?”

He exhaled. His breath clouded the greying air.

“I think you’re being nice to me,” he said, finally blunt. “I think you’re trying to make me feel better about...about losing my powers.”

Beau hesitated. She stared at him.

And then, slowly, her eyes narrowed.

“Well...well...so what if I am?” She took a heavy step forward. “It’s your fault anyway, goin’ around and saying that you’re useless and stuff. So sue me if I was tryin’ to be helpful. Plus you need to practice with all the shit we gave you, right?”

Fjord’s eye twitched. He opened his mouth as if to protest, but then, suddenly, he paused.

The dagger dropped to his side. He looked up, and wore a rather weak smile. 

“Gods, am I really that pitiful, like this?”

She quickly backpedaled. “It’s...it’s not…no, it’s not about pity. It…it…it’s just pragmatism…”

She trailed off as he shook his head. She watched him let out another breath, then glance down at his pile of weapons. He slid them gently into the snow, clearing the surface of Caduceus’s shield.

Then he sat down. He put his head in his hands.

Beau had never seen him do that before.

“This...this is completely insane.” His voice carried soft on the breeze. “Beau, I shouldn’t keep travelling with you all. I know—I know that you’re about to argue, but like this, I really am a liability. What’s happening now can’t just be fixed by me trying on different weapons. I can’t just...I can’t just be given a bunch of things that I don’t know how to use. Not that I don’t appreciate it,” he added hastily, “I…I do appreciate it quite a bit. Really.”

She shrugged, unsure of what else to do.

“None, uh, none of that shit was mine, you know. You don’t have to sugarcoat it for me.”

He managed a muffled snort in response. “I...am certainly not sugarcoating,” he said. “It does mean a lot to me. It means...yes, it means the world. I can’t express how grateful I am that all of you listened, and all of you heard. And that you didn’t…didn’t...well.”

Beau took another step forward, eyebrows raising as she moved.

“Didn’t what?” she echoed carefully. “Didn’t…?”

“...discard me,” Fjord muttered. “Leave...you know. Leave me behind. Magical items in account, I still real am of no help to you all.”

Beauregard closed the gap in a second, crouched in the snow just before his legs.

“Don’t you dare say that,” she ordered. “Fjord, don’t you ever say that. That’s—that’s...what do you take us for? Who cares how much help you are? Fuck, if that’s all we cared about, we would’ve replaced Caleb with Shakäste years ago.”

This dragged a ragged laugh out of Fjord, that faded into the windswept noon.

His posture relaxed a bit. He gave an eventual nod.

“Yes,” he murmured. “Yes, I…I do see that now. I, ah...I hope that didn’t offend you. At the time...well, I didn’t dare be sure.”

Beau nodded, mission accomplished. “I’m just makin’ sure you know you can be now. Brains can be a bitch, you feel?” 

“I...er...yes, indeed. Yes, I suppose that’s fair.”

She watched his mouth move. Her eyes flickered.

“Man, though, you really do sound different.” She leaned in closer and blinked a few times. “Gods, how’d you manage that ‘yeehaw’ shit for so long?” 

Fjord’s lips quirked up into a smile, the tips of his tusks just now barely visible. 

“Would you like to know a secret?” he asked.

Beau raised an eyebrow. 

“Is it gonna be weird?”

He shifted over slightly on the beetle skin shield, and brushed away a dusting of snow.

“Sit down,” he said. “I promise it won’t be weird.”

Her expression did not turn any less skeptical, but still, after a moment, she complied. 

His shoulder was warm against her own, sleeveless as she was in the grey northern wilds. The wind whistled low between the trees, and the afternoon sun, shining far above, was like an ivory disc through the clouds.

A few seconds later, Fjord sighed. He said:

“This is going to be a weight off my chest.”

“Yeah, well,” Beau examined her nails, “don’t keep me waiting, then.”

He nodded.

“‘Slop-dolly’ is made up.”

There was a very long pause for silence.

Then:

“What?!”

“Gods, it feels good to finally say that.”

“Wait, wait, wait, no…no...what?! Are you being serious right now?!”

His cheeks shone bright as he grinned.

“Serious as anything. In fact, most of my idioms were complete fabrications. And the ones I did remember, I’m still not sure if I used them right.”

“But…” she stumbled, “but...you said them so confidently…”

“I know, right? It was incredible.” There was a satisfied glimmer in his eyes. “It’s a mercy we never ran into anyone from Vandren’s town, because I’m sure they would have caught me immediately. I never got a hang of his colorful sayings.”

“Yeah, but...gods, you like a fuckin’ fountain of weird noises and shit.” Beau blinked, one last time for emphasis. “You’re sure none of them were real?”

“One thousand percent. You know, I thought I’d done a good job at making up my own. Slop-dolly was just one example. Once I told someone that they were—” for a moment, his old accent resurfaced, “—slower’n molasses goin’ uphill in Misuthar.” He chuckled. “Once I told Nott that she could eat through wire to get to corn and still be hankerin’ for dinner. I mean, gods—” his oldest accent returned, “I still have no idea where either of those came from.”

Beau laughed into the cold. “That is...alright, I gotta admit, you really had us, all these months. And those sayings—” she whistled, “—damn.”

“Thank you.” He grinned. “I really did try.”

They watched the snow fall together for moment longer. Then Beau tilted her head to one side.

“Still, though, you did a pretty good job. Even if you thought you were just pretending.”

“Well, that’s likely because I found a dictionary—”

She snorted. “No, no, not that. I meant you did a good job at bein’ leader. You know. At being our captain.”

Fjord’s cheerful expression faded. His gaze drifted back towards the ground. 

“Well,” he murmured. “Well, I just copied Vandren.”

She nodded along knowingly.

“You’re sayin’ that you did what he would do?”

“Pretty much.”

“So you followed his example.”

“Yes, Beau, that is what I mean.”

She leaned back and crossed her arms.

“You know,” she said, “where I come from, we also have a saying. You wanna hear it?”

“Is it real?”

“It’s an ancient proverb,” she carried on. “It goes: ‘you learned from him, you dipshit.’”

When he turned, she poked him between the eyes.

“All you’re saying sounds to me like you all that really happened is that you learned. You figured out, by yourself, how to be a good captain, but followin’ the example you were given. And maybe you didn’t realize what you were doin’, and maybe you were just copying, at first, but do you really think that none of it sunk in? That the experience didn’t help you grow?”

He blinked. He followed her hand as if he were afraid of another prodding.

“I…Beau, no, that’s not real—”

“Oh, but isn’t it? Are you sure? Can you tell me, definitively, that you didn’t learn anything? Or that you haven’t changed at all? You weren’t copying Vandren when you threw that sword, right? You weren’t copying him when you went and got Cad. And you weren’t copying him at all when you told the truth. You were talkin’ like some swanky upper-class fuck—”

“—well—”

“—okay, ignore that last part. But still.” She folded her hands together. “Still, according to you, right, you were nothin’ like him, yeah? Before you decided to adopt his persona? You were just some kid who got bullied who no one listened to, right?”

He sighed. “Ouch, but yes.”

“Yeah, well, that’s my point. Maybe before, no one ever listened. But we did, didn’t we? And I’m listenin’ now, even though you aren’t hiding behind some mask. Even though your voice is all sorts of different. And I hope you know, Fjord, that no matter what you sound like, all of us, every single one of us, we will only just keep listening. No matter what happens. That’s what friends are for.”

Her words settled in like the first grip of snow. Bright, and stark, and undeniably true.

Fjord was quiet. Then he dropped his elbows against his knees. The last imprisoned thought in his mind broke through.

“Still, I...I lied to all of you. I was pretending to be a fearless leader—”

“Oh my gods, who cares about lies?” She threw her hands into the air, scattering flakes with the force of her will. “Our whole fuckin’ group used to be made of lies! One of us would sneeze, and bam! There’s a lie! But that never really mattered! Or, if it did, it doesn’t now. We’re family now, you absolute moron. And—no, shut up, let me finish, and another thing, another thing is that you were being a fearless leader. You weren’t pretending, you were doing it. Even though we basically forced you into that spot, because none of us fuckin’ knew how to sail. Plus we did it ‘cause we’re assholes, and ‘cause we trusted you.”

She poked him one last time in the chest.

“And maybe that wasn’t fair to you, to make you do something you weren’t ready to do. But you can’t deny that you earned that trust, ‘cause we wouldn’t have done that if we didn’t. Trust you, I mean. Because...because...well, if you had just been pretending, that would’ve been one thing. Talkin’ a big game, I hate it when people do that. But you didn’t do that. You led us across the ocean, you led us into battle, and then you stood up to a fuckin’ demigod. A person pretending to be brave by throwing themselves into danger is still a person being brave, idiot. And if what you did, back then, and last night, if that ain’t bravery, then I don’t know what is.”

She crossed her arms. She stared into his eyes.

“I get...I understand that you’d want to find power. We have fucked up, dangerous life, and I’ll help you with that part, as best I can. But don’t think for a second that you’re weak. And don’t ever think you’re a liability, alright?”

She glanced back into the distance when Fjord didn’t speak.

But somehow, he didn’t think he had to. And it didn’t seem like Beau was demanding anything.

Instead the two of them just sat there, watching the snow sweep across the greying sky. The pines on the horizon quivered in the wind.

Fjord turned the dagger over in his hands. The shield was smooth against the backs of his calves, and the whip and the axe sat stoic by his feet. The glove was warm against his knees.

Beau nudged him in the shoulder. 

“C’mon.” Her voice was soft in the light. “We should probably head back to the others, soon. We’ve still got a few more hours to travel, and I don’t know about you, but I could really use a warm drink. At a tavern, you know? In an actual town?”

She paused, and waited for a response.

Fjord thought about Vandren would have said.

...but what did he want to say?

“Well?” she prompted. “You with me, or not?”

He realized, a second later, that he’d always known the answer.

He smiled. His tusks poked past his lip.

“Of course,” he chuckled. “Of course. Lead the way.”

[bad-at-names-and-faces]

The Coronation

Chapter 20

chapter index

Inga struggled in the water. The young man had appeared out of nowhere, startling her horse, throwing her into the bay. He was a rough, dark-haired stranger. He came and lifted her swiftly out of the brackish water, the shock of cool morning air on her damp skin hardly noticed in his warm embrace, he carried her to his horse, and rode away with her.  

As they approached the city, she asked him his name.  He didn’t say, but suddenly the city had vanished, and instead of the low hills of Corona she saw the steep cliffs along the fjord approaching Arendelle. The dark-haired stranger was now the leering redhead.  Inga wanted to scream, but her throat wouldn’t let out any sound.  There was no escape. The man was taking her prisoner. 

Inga woke with a start.  She hated the dreams with the leering redhead, but even more, she hated that he had now intruded himself onto the more pleasant dream. She tried  to remember the more pleasant beginning, but it was already fading.  She usually had the other dream after someone brought up the stories about her mother. It always felt real, and she needed to bring herself back to reality. 

The clock was striking six, and the sky was only just starting to get light, but she needed to sleep a little longer, since the coronation festivities that day would go late into the night.

***

Henry sat down at the nearly empty breakfast table.

"It's almost eight, you're barely going to have time to eat," his sister told him as he poured himself coffee. 

"Where is everyone else?"  

“They’re already getting ready,” she sighed.  “I told them I’d wait for you. We’re going to need to get into our costumes soon, too, you know.”

“Costumes?” Henry laughed.

“You know what I mean,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’d hardly call what they were fitting us for yesterday regular clothing.  We’ll change before dinner, at least.  You have something picked out to wear to dinner, right?  Ask Father for advice if you haven’t.”

"I have something picked out," he grumbled. "Even I know this isn't some random state dinner."

"Well, of course," Hilde smiled. "You want to look nice for her, don't you?"

"What?" He looked up. "No. I mean, that's not it. I was going to, anyway."

"But it's extra motivation, isn't it?" she winked.

"Just… don't say anything more? Please?" he looked at her. 

Hilde giggled.  "This is about that viking comment, isn't it?"

"I'm never going to share anything with you ever again at this rate," he grumbled. 

"I'll be good," she promised as she got up from the table.  "I'm going now. I'll send someone to find you in a few minutes if you're not ready."

***

Elizabeth’s sisters had been quite jealous when they heard that she would get to go to all of the Coronation events. Inga wore the new ballgown that Elizabeth had gotten her, but chose the old shoes she had packed from home, because there was going to be dancing.  Inga had to call on the palace maids to help her fit into the gown.  She wasn’t quite sure how this would work with dinner and dancing, but it was slightly less painful than it had been a few days before. 

Elizabeth and Inga had spent a lot of time together in the days since they had arrived in Corona though they had avoided certain topics of conversation. The times that Inga had managed to see Elsa, Frederick was usually there, too.  He had been sticking with either his aunt or his sister since his encounter with the unknown ladies.  Inga tried to be understanding, but there were several discussion topics that she couldn’t bring up with either Elizabeth or her aunt when he was around.  

The Coronation itself was a grand, formal affair like nothing Inga or Frederick had seen. Prince Henry and Princess Clothilde of Corona looked serious and formal, and Inga almost didn't recognize them from the other morning, both gazing vacantly over everyone's heads.  There were people from dozens of kingdoms in the cathedral, and Inga was trying to remember if any of them had visited Arendelle.  She knew no one from Wesselton or the Southern Isles had visited in her lifetime, and she eyed their representatives cautiously.  After the ceremony had ended, she tried her best to listen in as names were announced heading into the banquet, but her family were considered special guests of the Corona Royal Family, and she was too busy being seated to properly hear or see when the guests of interest were announced.

Inga had hoped to possibly speak more with Hilde, but for the banquet she was seated on the opposite side of her parents and grandparents, near some young man she seemed familiar with.  Frederick was sitting between Elsa and Prince Henry.  Inga sat between her aunt and Elizabeth, and listened to the latter tell Lady Amelia of Wesselton about her father's ship, her recent trip to Arendelle, and her fiance's posting there. Elizabeth would occasionally check in on Inga, who would try to listen in on some of Lady Amelia’s stories of Wesselton.  Inga realized she knew very little about the country despite its being so close to Arendelle.

On the other side, Elsa was eating quietly, and seemed to be deep in thought. Inga wished that she could think of something to speak about, but all the things she wanted to ask seemed better for a less public setting. She could hear bits of conversation between her brother and Prince Henry to the other side, mostly about Frederick’s newfound love of sailing, or the relative merits of horses versus reindeer.  Looking around the room, she tried to identify anyone she had seen before in Arendelle, but she didn’t recognize any of them. 

"You should come to Arendelle some time," Frederick was telling Prince Henry, "then we can show you around."

Inga wished her brother wouldn’t go inviting people they’d only just met to come visit, though she supposed that Frederick had every right to make friends. The two kept talking.

A moment later she noticed Frederick standing up, and heard Prince Henry as they walked past.  "There's a good view from the balcony out there, why don't I show you?"

"Inga," Frederick spoke up, patting her shoulder, "you look bored, come with us!"

"Um, I guess so," Inga hemed, "Elsa?"

"No, thank you," their aunt smiled. "Please, you go enjoy yourselves."

Inga reluctantly followed her brother and Prince Henry out to the large balcony. She had fully intended to make it through the trip without having to think about foreign princes, though her misadventure the first morning had certainly made it all the more difficult.  She was used to falling back on pure formalities when dealing with an interested prince, but she realized she couldn’t address him as “Your Highness” without sounding almost rude at this point. 

She gasped a little as they walked out on the balcony; it was indeed a very nice view. She might have to admit that it was one of the more spectacular views she had seen.  She certainly hadn’t seeen any cities like this. It wasn't yet dark, though the sun had set almost a half hour earlier. There was the thinnest crescent moon about to set, following the sun. Inga tried to see the different locations Prince Henry described to her brother. She recognized where their ship had docked a few days earlier, and the bridge they rode over that first morning was hard to miss, but the rooftops all looked similar, and blocked the views of the narrow streets. Elizabeth came outside just then, and Inga felt a little more comfortable when she saw her.

"Oh, there's our house!" Elizabeth exclaimed, pointing, "and I see the naval headquarters over there!"

"I think I recognize some of the places from our ride," Inga remarked quietly to Elizabeth, though she had to admit to herself that she wasn’t entirely sure where she had been.

A moment later, Lady Amelia came outside and told Elizabeth that she wished to introduce her to an admiral from the Wesselton navy. 

"Inga, I'll be right back," Elizabeth assured her as she followed her back inside, "I promise!" 

"Are we missing dessert?" Frederick asked as if on cue, and walked back inside. 

"They'll be serving dessert for an entire hour!" Prince Henry called after him. "Oh, nevermind. Your brother enjoys his food, doesn't he?" 

"Yes, well, he's growing," Inga sighed. 

Henry laughed, but didn’t say anything.  Inga glanced back at the door, hoping to see someone come back out, but nobody did. She wished she could breathe more freely.  She was wondering if she’d even be able to dance later. She was also wondering if it was really just the corset.  She was used to talking to men she could address formally, and she was used to talking to her father and brothers and people she could view as almost family, but she had never thought very hard about talking with someone who didn’t seem to belong to one of those categories. When she looked back, she made eye contact with Henry. He seemed to sense her discomfort.

“Sorry,” he said, looking away.

“What?” Inga looked back at him.

“Sorry for making things awkward the other day, I guess,” he answered, looking out over the city.

“Oh, um.” she tried to think of the appropriate reply.  “Thanks.”   

“Thanks?” he repeated, looking at her.

“What was I supposed to say?” she asked, reminding herself that he wasn’t actually standing that close to her. She couldn’t touch him if she stretched out her arm. That was plenty of space.

“You could tell me that I wasn’t making things awkward with you,” he suggested petulantly.

“Why would I say that if it actually was awkward?” she asked incredulously. 

“Because… um…” he sputtered, his voice cracking a little. “Fine, you’re not flirting with me, then?” The moon had set an hour earlier and it was too dark out to see his face clearly.

“Nevermind, you’re right, it wasn’t awkward before,” she groaned.  She could feel him watching her, and turned to look the opposite direction.  She was finding it even harder to breathe than at the beginning of the evening, and tried leaning on the railing of the balcony, but her dress made it difficult.  

“I just thought-” he stopped himself.

“What?” she huffed. “You thought that I’m going to be teasing and giggling like those ladies from… wherever it is they’re from.”

“The ones from Wesselton?” he asked in disgust.

“Maybe? I don’t know,” she felt disarmed by his reply. “Frederick ran into them our first day here.”

“They arrived the day before you,” Henry explained. “I’ve been avoiding them, too. I’m eighteen now, so they had their eyes on me. I suppose your brother would be a good second choice.  I’m… no, I mean…  you’re nothing like that, I know that.”

“Oh.” She swallowed, not sure how to respond. 

“Your brother told me about what our Ambassador said, by the way,” he chuckled weakly.

“Oh. That,” she grumbled, slowly turning back around and rubbing her forehead. “I hope my brother made it very clear I came here in spite of that and not because of that.”  Inga realized she had managed to forget about the Ambassador’s invitation since their arrival in Corona.  

“I think he mentioned that,” Henry snorted.

"It’s so frustrating,” she blurted out.  “I really have no plans of marrying any time soon. And my parents aren’t into, well... that sort of diplomacy, you know what I mean?”

He looked over at her. "Well then, I guess that's all cleared up now, isn't it?" 

"And now I really have made it awkward, haven't I?" Inga blushed.  At home she had almost gotten control over talking too much and saying things that could be left unsaid. 

They both stood looking over the city for a few minutes. 

"It's not that I don't want to get married eventually," she found herself saying, breaking the silence, "but when almost everyone has been throwing their princes and dukes my way since I was hardly more than twelve, it gets a bit tiresome."

"But you just said that’s not what your parents want for you, right?" he asked, keeping his eyes focused on the city.

"No," she replied quickly. "It’s definitely not their idea, but I don’t think they really noticed that it was going on, and they really don't know what to tell me. They try, but it's obvious they have no idea what to do about me.  I think their latest idea is trying to fix that, keep me from feeling like my only option is to get married, but that wouldn’t stop the attention, just change who it’s from.” 

“I think I remember your brother saying something about that, too.”

“The less said, the better,” she sighed. “But it’s certainly not my idea, if you’re talking about what I think you are.”

“Well, he seems to think you’re a better fit, anyway,” Henry smiled, looking back at her. She tried to keep looking straight ahead.

“He just needs time to grow up,” Inga insisted. 

“And they’re worried about nobody staying on the throne long enough for that to happen?” he smirked.

Inga glared at him. “That’s not funny.”

“Sorry.” He looked at her. 

“It’s just… you know…” she stammered. “It’s something I think about a lot.”

“That and worrying about being married off, I take it?” 

“Well, I'm rather worried about making a mistake," she began.

"Like me?" Prince Henry looked back at her curiously.

"Not exactly, I mean- no, not you.  At least, I haven’t heard anything bad about you…” she had been completely facing him, and turned herself to face away from him quickly enough that her skirts rustled and swung against him. “But that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?” 

“My mother… my mother, she had…  well, everyone knows that story. Surely you’ve heard it if your father taught you… that vocabulary.” she looked at him pointedly. “I mean, it’s the usual thing, I’ll be talking to some ambassador or other, and if I say that I’m not interested in getting married yet, they give a knowing nod and in hushed tones they tell me they can understand and they won’t bring it up again.  And they all think they’re in on some big conspiracy by not talking about it around us.”

“Um… Is this about the ice thing? Because I know about that.  My parents were there, you know.”

“Well, I only just learned about their visit right before I came here,” she laughed.  “So I suppose I should just be thankful to learn that family gossip hasn’t gotten around to quite everyone.”

He looked at her with a puzzled expression. “What did you just learn? I don’t seem to be up to following the conversation.” 

“Just that your parents know my parents. I… I really hadn’t known that. Especially not my father and yours.”

“Oh!” he laughed. “Well, I can tell you all about it, I think. I suppose it’s my fault they lost touch. Or, well, both mine and Hilde’s...”

“What do you mean?” Inga asked.

“Mother always felt a bit guilty about missing your mother’s coronation and wedding, but we were a few months old then,” Henry explained.

“Of course, that does make sense,” Inga replied. “I heard that they went rock climbing once.”

“Yes, I’ve heard a little bit about that. I think the trolls made a bigger impression on my father. That’s the story he liked to tell us when we were little.”

“What?” Inga was incredulous. “Father hardly ever takes anyone outside the family to see them.”

“Oh, well,” he chuckled.  “It was the holidays, and he missed Mother quite a lot, and nobody else was around, and apparently there was some festival about rocks? It never quite makes sense.” 

“No, that doesn’t make sense,” Inga remarked.  “Why wasn’t your mother there?  Where was she?”

“She was on a diplomatic tour with your aunt and mother,” Henry replied matter-of-factly. 

“Really?  They didn’t mention that.” Inga paused, trying to make sense of the different stories she’d heard.  “Then again,” she added, mostly thinking aloud to herself, “I never asked them about that.”

“What did you ask them about?” Henry asked her, jolting her a bit with the realization she had been speaking out loud.

“Well, not both of them,” she backtracked a little. “I haven’t asked my mother, but she and my aunt write to each other all the time, so it’s almost the same thing.” She was rambling, and worse, not sure whether she should be saying this, though she couldn’t think of any reason she shouldn’t. “And, sorry… I had asked my aunt if the trip was where she met Mrs. Nilsen, the mother of…  well, her son is the secretary for your Ambassador to Arendelle.”

“Always that Ambassador, huh?” Henry laughed. “But, I think your brother was telling me about him and his fiancee. Now that I think about it, I remember him, at least a bit.  His family used to come around to the castle here when they were younger. I remember his brother was almost the same age, just a year older, and they wanted to put them both in the Navy, and the brother did go into the Navy, but your friend… I can’t remember, but for some reason, I think he was supposed to go into the Palace Guard, and then there was some kind of bother when he didn’t.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t know, exactly. I’m slowly getting better at following along when my mother and grandparents are discussing things, but I was younger when it happened. I just remember my mother starting to tell them to please let her know about these things. She wasn’t mad… at least, she seemed very calm about it. At any rate, then he went into the Diplomatic School, and I never heard about it again."

"I never heard him say anything about the Palace Guard. I thought he was going to study law," Inga remarked. 

"You know," he laughed a little, "you might be right. I don't know if I trust my own memory sometimes."

"I didn't say anything!" she exclaimed defensively.

"Don't worry about it," he sighed. "I should have a long time to improve myself. Though I suppose all this fuss today means that unlike your brother, I don't have time to grow up any more."

"If it makes you feel better," Inga offered, "you'd have three more years in Arendelle."

"Um, thanks?" he twisted his lips, looking straight ahead again. "I guess it serves me right fishing for compliments."

She glared at him, but he wasn't looking at her. She tried to think of something to say, and was starting to move her hand over to get his attention, when she heard someone coming out to the balcony, startling her a bit.

"Henry! There you are!" Hilde was smiling. "The music has started! You and I are expected out there!" She looked over and giggled a bit.  "Inga, you'll probably disappoint some people if you don't follow us!"