#the post with 300+ ships tagged in it was made two weeks ago

[godslittlesadge]

trying to enjoy any ship content on the h*ikyuu tag is like *scrolls past discourse you dont care about* *scrolls past general statement post that the op put the ship tag in for traction* *scrolls past x reader post* *scrolls past x reader post* *SCROLLS PAST X READER POST*

[wistfulcynic]

The Thief of Time

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @optomisticgirl!! You are one of the loveliest and most supportive people in the fandom, a loving cat mom and brutal murderer who would die for a fictional plant and has the t-shirt to prove it. I am so, so honoured to have you as a friend ❤️❤️.

This fic came about because B sent me this post and I immediately said "Yep, Killian would be a wizard or an artificer." And B, unrepentant evildoer and witch!Emma's foremost fan, planted seeds in my head that would not stop growing. This is the result.

SUMMARY: Killian Jones, pirate-turned-artificer, has suffered blow after blow from life and all he wants is to go back to the past and make things right. If only he could get his bloody time machine to work.

Emma Swan, witch, has the ability to See through time and space and the responsibility to stand down any threats to either of them. When an artificer from 300 years ago in another realm devises a machine that could blow a hole straight through the multiverse, it’s her job to stop him.

What they find when they meet is an improbable connection, an understanding that bridges the distance between them. A distance that is in all practical ways insurmountable—by everything but love.

(And one very determined pirate-turned-artificer.)

-

Words: <9k Rating: T Tags: magic au, witch!Emma, artificer!Killian, angst, Killian Jones is a sad boi, a dash of hurt/comfort, time travel, realm travel, HEA

AO3

-

The Thief of Time:

Once upon a time there was an artificer.

He wasn’t much of an artificer, it must be said. Artificing, as everyone knows, requires patience, perseverance, and attention to detail, and while Killian Jones possessed a rock-solid stubbornness that stood in well for perseverance as well as a fine eye for detail, patience—at least when it came to tedious, laborious tasks—was not among his strengths.

This is perhaps why, on the particular bright morning when his life changed forever, Killian could be found in his workshop surrounded by shards of glass and a puddle of pale brown liquid oozing through his floorboards that until a moment before had been a bottle of rum. Until Killian, in a surge of frustration at yet another failure, had flung it furiously at the wall.

The rum bottle had been a more or less innocent bystander, a casualty of proximity, a stand-in for the machine that sat on a rickety table in the centre of the hut that served as Killian’s workshop—a machine that continued nonchalantly failing to function even after the rum bottle had met its tragic fate.

It was almost, thought Killian, as though the device didn’t care how many bottles came to an untimely end, it still had no intention of ever working.

He held out his hand with fingers curled like talons and let it hover menacingly over the machine before tightening it into a fist and shaking it. “I should bloody well smash you to bits,” he growled. “I should—”

He had no real idea of what he should do, beyond demolishing the bloody thing, heaving its carcass into the sea, and abandoning this foolhardy plan for good and all. It hardly mattered, though, as the machine made no reply—not so much as a tick of motion to indicate that it cared in the slightest about its own fate. Killian gritted his teeth and with effort reined in his temper. He reached for another rum bottle—there were always plenty standing by—and groped for a moment before he remembered he had the awl attachment connected to his brace and grabbed the bottle with his hand instead.

The bottle was stoppered with a tenuous scrap of cork; this Killian gripped between his teeth and dislodged with an expert twist of his neck, then spat it at the machine and watched as it struck the hammered copper facing with a satisfying thunk. He took the bottle to the porch of his hut—‘porch’ being the word with which he flattered the platform of weatherbeaten boards raised on hunks of driftwood—collapsed into the hammock strung across the corner of it and stared out to sea with the rum bottle cradled in his lap.

Tropical sun beat down on the shack and on the swaying palms that shaded it, and on the stretch of white beach that curved beyond it, and on the azure water glistening beneath the blazing sky. A tumbledown shack on a lonely atoll was not, so Killian had been given to understand, generally the sort of place in which most artificers chose to set up shop. They preferred tiny rooms atop winding staircases in tall university towers, so he was told, or for the more eccentric among them perhaps an derelict castle or even a dark forest hut. Somewhere close and damp and chill, where they could work by artful firelight draped in hooded cloaks and tuck the secrets of their craft safely away amongst the shadows.

Killian cared very little for such things, however, as he was not most artificers. He wasn’t, as has already been remarked, much of an artificer at all. A sailor by blood, a naval man by training, and a pirate by circumstance, this was Killian Jones. And now an artificer, by desperate last resort.

He took a long swig from his bottle and glared at the sea, at the ship that bobbed gently on the waves, anchored just to the left in the atoll’s curving bay. If he had any sense he’d end this foolishness, he thought with a bitter twist of his lip. He’d take his ship and find himself a crew, sail off and vent his frustrations on royal cargo vessels and navy frigates rather than haphazardly assembled collections of wood and scrap metal that would certainly never do more than than sit there smugly not working, taunting him, and—

Click.

Killian froze, with every muscle in his body. He waited. And waited. And—

Click.

Again. Killian exhaled slowly, cursing the faint vibrations of his breath in the air. He waited. And waited. And—

Click.

Click.

Click.

It was working.

—

A week later and Killian’s temper once again was hanging by the barest thread; the click of the device that had at first spurred him on now plucked at the frayed edges of his nerves and rattled inside his head each time he tried to focus. It was clicking, the mechanism was turning over, he had everything he’d thought he needed but still an element was missing, something vital that he couldn’t put his finger on, that hovered just at the edge of his perception like some fey spirit sent to taunt him.

Maybe you should just give up.

Killian spun around at the sound of the voice, a woman’s voice, with a wry tone and an unfamiliar accent. His eyes scanned the empty room. “Who’s there?” he called out, though it was plain to see no one was there. He was alone.

Quite alone.

He knew he was alone, of course, though the tingle between his shoulder blades did not concur, and remained even when he turned his attention back to his work. The sensation of being watched by unseen eyes is frequently a distracting one, but Killian stubbornly disregarded it and focused on his task. The sensation persisted.

He worked doggedly for several minutes, then set down his tools. “Lass,” he said to the room at large, “it’s bad form to stare.”

He swore he heard a chuckle.

“I do understand how it can be difficult for women to take their eyes off a devilishly handsome rapscallion such as myself,” Killian continued, “but I’m trying to work here so if you wouldn’t mind…”

He turned back to his workbench and as he did his elbow struck the edge of it, knocking over his latest rum bottle and sending a shooting pain up his arm. He squeezed his eyes shut and spat a stream of vicious curses and very nearly stabbed himself with the awl before recalling that he had no hand with which to cradle the afflicted elbow and rub away the pain. When it finally subsided and he opened his eyes once more, the sight that met them had him swearing a new and even bluer streak.

His device now sat bathed in a pool of rum, with sparks shooting from behind its copper face and very ominously not clicking. With a snarl Killian slammed his fist down on the table and ground it into the wood. He’d have to mop up the rum and wait at least a day or two to be certain whatever had seeped into the mechanism was completely dried before attempting to open it again to determine whether he could repair the damage. If he couldn’t he’d have to start over.

Or you could just give up.

“Are you responsible for this?” he demanded of the voice. “At long bloody last I was on the right track, and now—now—” He slammed his fist into his workbench again, sending rum droplets flying.

Look, don’t get cranky, mister. I’m just trying to stop you doing something stupid.

“Oh?” Killian snarled. “Is that what you’re doing? You’re a bit bloody late.”

What?

“I’ve done many a stupider thing than this, unhindered by any disembodied voices. You couldn’t have stopped me doing any of them?”

I—

“Where were you, for example, when I lost my brother in a cursed land, travelled back from that land, and then in a fit of rage burned the only method I had of returning there?” he demanded. “Where were you when I threw away my naval career, stole my brother’s ship, and led her crew into piracy? Where were you when I ravaged the land of my birth? Where were you when I fell in love with—” he broke off with a choking sound, then sat with his forearms resting on his knees, staring at his hand and at the leather brace where its twin should be. “I don’t know why I’m even saying this aloud,” he murmured, “you’re not truly here.” He ran his hand over his face then through his hair. “Perhaps I’m finally going mad. It’s an occupational hazard, or so I’ve been told.”

A breeze rustled through the shack, gentle and soothing. It whispered across his skin in what could only be called a caress. Despite himself, Killian felt comforted.

I’m sorry for what you’ve suffered. The voice’s compassion was undoubtedly genuine. But I couldn’t have prevented those things. They were not my business to See.

“And this is?” Killian demanded.

Yes.

He shook his head. “Who are you?”

There was no reply. The soothing breeze was gone, leaving the late afternoon air heavier and more still in its absence. His neck no longer tingled. He was alone. Again.

Always.

Killian pressed his fingers to his eyes and sighed, then grabbed a fresh bottle of rum—plus a second, upon further consideration—and headed out of the shack. Headed to the rowboat and the Jolly Roger, and, with any luck, a drunken stupor that would last until he could work on the device again.

“Hear this, lass,” he murmured as he paused in the doorway. “I will be back. I’m not giving up.”

We’ll see about that, whispered the voice, once he was gone.

—

Three days later and Killian’s hangover throbbed between his eyes, but his device was dry and in a less disastrous state than he’d feared. He tapped the magical stone that powered the mechanism until it sparked sharply in response, reconnected a few fine filaments of copper, snapped the gears back into place and held his breath.

Click.

Click.

Click.

Killian exhaled. It was still working.

Sort of.

He sat at his workbench and glared at the device, as though intensity alone could help him see what was missing in it. When it did not, he reached into his satchel with a long-suffering sigh, and withdrew a book.

He really should have gone to the books first. That’s what the other artificers had advised. Research before experimentation, a solid foundation of scholarship on which to build. In another life another Killian would have listened too, would have loved the prospect of hours, days, weeks spent in a library, absorbing the wondrous knowledge that it held. But that eager boy had long been lost, and the man who remained had spent too many years in wasted endeavours, hunting elusive magic beans and fairy wands, anything he heard of that he thought might aid his quest. When every lead he could scrounge all came to nothing he’d had no choice but to alter his course, and no bloody time to start from the beginning and do the thing properly. He’d already wasted so much time.

But perhaps, he conceded now, that had been a mistake.

The book had a weighty heft that testified its age, as did the brilliance of the jewelled ink on its vellum pages. Modern books with their rag-paper and plant inks were lighter, more fragile, less vibrant. Cheaper to produce of course, and more accessible, but the earnest, bespectacled scholar that still lived in Killian’s heart found them far more difficult to love. This book had been scribed centuries ago, by the hand of a monk whose name had long since vanished into time but whose skill was evident in the carefully crafted words and illustrations, the diagrams of fantastical devices that he had seen only with the eyes of his mind, never in reality.

Killian traced his finger over the lines of an engraving, squinting through his headache and the glaring sunshine to make out the tiny words that labelled it. With painstaking strokes he massaged his temples and let himself fall into the book, lost in study for the first time in many a year.

The hours sifted away like sand through his fingers, until a soft breeze ruffled through his hair and he became aware of that telltale tingle at the nape of his neck.

“Lass,” he said wryly, “has no one ever told you it’s rude to read over a person’s shoulder?”

It’s the only way I can find out what you’re up to.

“And just what prescisely makes that any of your concern?”

It just is. I can See it.

Though he could not have said how, Killian was certain she didn’t mean the sort of seeing one did with one’s eyes.

“So tell me then, what do you make of my choice of reading material?” he inquired.

Seems a bit dry.

He chuckled. “It is at that. But useful.”

You’re still planning to go ahead with it, then?

“I am. As I told you before, I don’t intend to give up.” A sharp smile flashed through his memory, the smell of sea salt on skin and in wind-whipped chestnut curls. His fist clenched. “I can’t.”

The breeze swirled up around him, wrapped itself about his shoulders in the gentlest embrace, and for a moment—just a moment—Killian let go. Let himself be comforted. Let himself relax. Tears prickled behind his eyes and his tired heart sighed. He swallowed hard.

You won’t find what you seek in this book, said the voice. Not what you really seek.

“Perhaps not. But it’s all I have left.”

Without warning the soft breeze stiffened, whipping up with force behind it and sending a half-full rum bottle teetering dangerously—but if Killian was prepared for anything these days it was betrayal. He caught the bottle before it could fall and set it safely aside, away from his device and his book and anything else that had the potential to be harmed by it.

“Nice try,” he sneered. The wind huffed a frustrated sigh.

This isn’t over.

“Why are you so determined to see me fail?” he demanded, but the words fell flat in the still and empty air—the absent prickle on the back of Killian’s neck informed him that she was gone again. “It’s not like I need any extra assistance in that area,” he grumbled. “I can fail perfectly well on my own, thank you very much.”

He bent to pick up the rum—a drink to soothe the ache in his heart—when his gaze caught on a diagram he hadn’t spotted before. He frowned and leaned closer, the rum forgotten, and began to read again. Soon he was absorbed once more, his eyes voracious as they scanned the pages. He made notes in the margins as he read, and tiny drawings and equations, and muttered half-formed thoughts to accompany the scratching of his pen. The clicks from his device soothed him now with their regular beat, and the tingle between his shoulder blades, when it returned, did not so much as register in his mind... though it lingered there as he worked, as the afternoon waned, until the sun began to sink below the horizon and Killian packed up his notes and his book and not his rum, and made his way back to his ship.

—

The next day found him in his workshop early, his mood uncharacteristically bright. He’d awoken that morning without a hangover for the first time in far longer than he cared to remember; the resulting clear head and sharp senses made the bright sunlight less oppressive in his perception, less like its exuberance was a judgement on his choices. Even his shack appeared cheerier than he recalled it, quaint rather than run-down, its slight slump to the left charming and not at all ominous. Killian was dangerously close to whistling a merry tune as he approached it, with his satchel slung over his shoulder and heavy with books.

He had brand new ideas to test.

His workshop itself consisted of the shack’s lone room and a single, long table that sat at the centre of it. On the table was his device, looking right at home there in the sense that it too was rickety, haphazardly constructed, and pitched to the left. Killian had told himself that the appearance of the thing didn’t matter so long as it functioned, but after it failed for so long to do even that he had begun to treat its exterior as a sort of whipping boy for his frustrations. The wooden casing bore deep gouges from his hook and other implements he’d attached to his brace; the copper facing was tarnished and dented. Hairline fractures criss-crossed the glass that covered the three small dials on the front and the long copper pole that was meant to be attached to the rear casing sat forlornly in a corner, looking as though it would dearly love the ability to rust, just as a way to express its feelings on the situation.

Looking at his device for the first time with clear eyes, Killian found that he felt rather bad. He really had made a dreadful hash of it. And although Killian Jones was frequently reckless, sometimes rash, and from time to time even a bit unhinged, he had never before been incompetent. Making a firm mental note to pick up some new materials the next time he made a supply run, he hefted the satchel onto his worktable, seated himself on the bench before it, and removed a book from the bag.

If he’d had two hands, he would have rubbed them together in glee.

Whatcha reading?

She appeared so suddenly that the prickle on his neck didn’t even have time to warn him. “I’m certain you can see the title for yourself, from wherever you are,” he replied.

Arithmetical Principles of the Mechanics of Time? Not very snappy.

“Never judge a book by its title, love.”

I thought that was by its cover.

“Title’s on the cover, isn’t it?”

So it is.

The voice sounded amused, and Killian chuckled to himself as he settled in to read. The tingle on the back of his neck remained as the unseen woman read along with him. He could feel her presence there, her eyes on him and on the book as he made his customary notes in the margins: quick diagrams and calculations and questions he would need to answer before he could proceed.

He was astonished to discover how engrossing the book was and how easy it was to lose himself in its pages, just as he had done the day before. How long had it been before then, since he’d allowed himself the luxury of a full day spent reading? Years, certainly. Time and tides, as the saying goes, wait for no man, and nor do rival pirate captains or deep-sea hellbeasts—they certainly do not wait for a man to finish his chapter before launching their attacks. Lazy days like this one took him back to his time in the naval academy, the long afternoons in the library there, the wonder he’d felt at all the knowledge contained in the books that surrounded him. An entire realm at his fingertips, just waiting for him to explore.

He had explored it in actuality years later on his ship, sailing her to the edge of the maps and beyond, but that first exposure to all the wonders the world held still shone as a jewel in his memory. For a young boy who until that moment had known only abandonment, drudgery, and abuse, the discovery that the world was far, far larger than he could ever have dreamt had been an invaluable treasure.

You love books.

Killian started; the voice sounded different now. It no longer echoed in his head, instead it seemed to come from somewhere to his right. He turned, and as he did perceived a shimmering in the hazy air, one that disappeared the moment he looked directly at it.

“I did,” he replied. “Once.” His mouth quirked in a wry smile. “Are you in my head, then, lass? Reading my thoughts?”

Of course not. It’s just obvious from your face.

“You’re familiar with the expression I’m wearing then, I take it? Perhaps because you’re inclined to wear it yourself?”

It was a shot in the dark, but it seemed to hit its mark. The shimmer grew more solid.

I—I’ve always loved to read. When I was a child it was all I had.

Something in the tone, a wistfulness perhaps, struck a chord in Killian. “You were alone, as child,” he said. “The books were your refuge.”

Yes.

Silence stretched for a moment, then he spoke again. “When I first arrived at the naval academy I could barely read,” he said slowly. “I was twelve years old. Where I come from literacy is a privilege of the wealthy, which my family was certainly not, but my mother’s father had been educated and he taught her to read and write. He was the younger son of a nobleman, disowned when he fell in love with a village girl. My mother in turn taught my father and also my elder brother. She had started to teach me as well but she grew ill and I was still so young, and then…” He trailed off, choked by the decades-old memory that still had the power to wound.

Then she died.

The voice was soft, so soft, and it settled around his shoulders like a blanket. He nodded. “Aye. She did.” He pressed his fingers to his eyes, just briefly, then continued. “After she passed, Liam, my brother, took over with my lessons, but there was never much time for such things. We were cabin boys on a large merchant ship by then, worked most days from dawn to dusk—but in what moments we had, we did try.” He shook his head. “Liam did the best he could, though our resources were so scarce his efforts produced little result. I was years behind the other lads my age at the academy at first, something they found highly entertaining.”

But you didn’t let that stop you.

“I did not,” he agreed. “Instead it spurred me on. In less than a year I had matched them, and in a year surpassed them. It was satisfying to make them eat their words, but in truth that was not my motivation.”

You wanted to know a world beyond the one you lived in.

“I wanted to know a world beyond the one I lived in.” He smiled at her, at the shimmering air in the corner of his eye that he almost fancied formed the shape of a woman. “As, I imagine, did you.”

Mmm.

Killian quirked an eyebrow at the shimmer. “Another orphan, I gather?” he pressed. “Alone in the world, unable to see a way out? Escaping into books for adventure, for a sense of the potential that lay beyond the narrow parameters of your life?”

You read me pretty well for someone who can’t even see me.

“You’re something of an open book, darling. If that metaphor isn’t too on the nose.” And perhaps, he thought, it wasn’t necessary to see someone to know them.

Faint laughter rang through the room. Open books read both ways, Killian Jones, her voice whispered, and then she was gone.

“Touché,” he muttered, as the tingle in his neck faded and a wave of magic pulsed in the air. A sharp snapping noise sounded from the device, followed by an echoing boingggg. Killian’s lips twitched. Softness followed by sabotage was becoming rather a thing with her.

He opened the casing and after a moment’s poking around in the mechanism identified the target of her attack—a small coupling in the box responsible for managing temporal currents. Killian felt himself grin. He was certain his unseen nemesis wouldn’t trouble herself to destroy anything that wasn’t crucial to the functioning of the device. He turned back to his book and flipped to the section on temporal flow.

“Thanks for the tip, love,” he murmured to the empty air.

—

Over the next month Killian worked doggedly on his research, leaving the device untouched and himself unhindered by tingles or voices or shimmery thickenings of the air. He read every book in his rather considerable collection, all the texts he’d… liberated from the universities and private collections of the realm’s best artificers then barely glanced into before he began constructing his device. He took a week off for a supply run, to collect the materials and bric-a-brac he’d need to construct the thing properly along with even more books, which he read eagerly at night on his ship, greedily absorbing the knowledge they contained as he lounged in his bunk.

Every day he thought about the voice, and about the very real woman he now felt certain was behind it. She wasn’t just a voice in his head, a symptom of madness or loneliness, or both. She existed, he had felt her, though he had never seen her face. He’d felt her presence and the connection between them—a peculiar sort of connection to be sure, but no less genuine for it.

The thought of speaking to her again helped spur him on.

Once he was back his workshop armed with resources in the form of both knowledge and supplies, he threw himself into a flurry of activity. He constructed shelves for his books, so he would not have to lug them to and from his ship every day. He built a sturdier workbench, with drawers to hold his tools, and a new, robust and polished casing and face for his device.

This was close work, requiring dexterity and concentration and the careful application of several magical items that had previously seemed to go out of their way to thwart him. As it turned out, Killian reflected wryly, he had simply been using them wrong. He still made mistakes, of course, and his lack of hand still proved a challenge. But gradually he found that he lost his temper less and less, that as he grew more knowledgeable and skilled he did not give in so easily or so frequently to despair.

He had almost entirely stopped drinking.

He spent a full week tweaking and refining the temporal current regulator in his device, until he was satisfied that not only near impervious to any further sabotage but also featured a clever adjustment of his own devising. Take that, Other Artificers.

He had done it. He knew he had. He had built his device and built it well. It would work now, and not because he threatened it or stumbled by happenstance upon the proper configuration. It would work because he knew what he was doing, and this time he’d done it right.

Killian Jones, artificer.

—

The stage was set.

The device was ready. More than ready. Its polished wood casing gleamed in the playful caress of the afternoon sunlight, which shimmered also off its copper facing and the smooth glass of its dials. The copper tube came up from where it was attached to the rear of the device and curved over the top of it, ending in a wide opening directly over Killian’s head. The rhythmic click of the mechanism was smooth and sonorous, each coupling attached and every gear well-oiled.

Click, went the device, tremulous and eager.

Click.

Click.

Click.

Every last thing was in readiness. Killian had only to flip the switch.

“You don’t want to do that.”

He paused with his finger poised above the small brass switch and smiled. “Back again, lass?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

The floorboards creaked, under boots that were not his. Leather rustled. Killian froze, then spun around. His jaw dropped.

“Bloody hell,” he gasped.

The woman stood in the centre of his workshop with her hands on her hips and lips curved in a wry smirk. Loose golden waves tumbled over her shoulders to frame an exquisite, fine-boned face and eyes that glinted green. She was dressed... well, she was dressed as no woman he’d ever seen before, in tall boots and tight-fitting trousers with no overskirt to cover them, and a leather jacket in the most outrageous shade of red. Killian blinked.

“You’re—I’m—what?” he choked.

“I said, you don’t want to do that,” she repeated. “If you do, you’ll blow a hole in the universe or—or something, I don’t exactly know. But it’s bad, and I can’t allow it to happen.”

Killian shook his head. He blinked again, harder this time, then rubbed his eyes. The woman was still there.

“What?” he shouted.

“Seriously?” snapped the woman. “You heard my voice in your head and didn’t even blink and I know you felt my presence. But now I’ve actually manifested and suddenly you’re at a loss for words? I thought at least I’d get some kind of smartass quip out of you. ‘At last a face to match the voice, lass’ or something.” She shrugged a single shoulder. “I don’t know. Something.”

“That’s—” Killian’s voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat and tried again. “That’s your idea of a clever quip?”

She scowled. “Look, I said I don’t know. You’re the smartass.”

“Well you might at least give a man a minute to adjust his premises before you start demanding cleverness from him, when you appear from out of nowhere in his workshop,” retorted Killian. “There is in fact a world of difference between voices in the head and full fledged hallucinations, you know.”

“I’m not a hallucination,” she huffed.

Killian knew that of course, but he still felt on rather shaky ground, metaphysically speaking. “Well what are you then?” he demanded.

“I’m a manifestation,” she replied, as though it were obvious.

“Oh yes of course,” he shot back. “A manifestation, how foolish of me not to have known that.”

She rolled her eyes. He smirked.

“A manifestation of whom, precisely, if I might enquire?” he drawled.

“Emma Swan,” she proclaimed, in a tone one might use to announce the arrival of a queen. “Witch.”

Killian regarded her with his smirk firmly in place, to which he now added a raised eyebrow. “A witch, you say?”

“Yep.”

“Indeed.”

She sauntered over to his workbench, hips swaying in a manner that Killian told himself firmly he did not find enticing, and leaned over, peering at the device. “This looks a lot better than the last time I saw it,” she remarked.

“Yes, well, I’ve been working hard since then.”

“I can tell.” She flashed him a look that had his muscles tensing. “Too bad it’s all for nothing.”

“What the bloody hell is that supposed—”

“Why do you want to travel in time anyway?” she interrupted, turning to face him and crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s a risky business, you know. Loads of people have tried and it never ends well for any of them.”

“That’s rather a bold statement from you, love, considering you are clearly not from this time,” he retorted.

“What makes you say that?”

Killian let his gaze sweep over her. “Red leather jackets aren’t exactly in vogue here,” he said loftily. “I’d be very surprised if they even exist. How did you get it to be that colour?”

“How the hell should I know, I didn’t make it!”

“Fair enough. Still stands out like a sore thumb, though.”

“Well it’s a good thing I’m not staying then.”

“Aren’t you?” Killian felt a twist in his gut at that; he was so enjoying sparring with her. “Shame. I suppose you ought to run along then, and let me get back to my work.”

“Ah, no. That I can’t do.”

“And might I enquire why not?”

Her expression, which had been sparking with the same joy of snarky battle that Killian felt himself, grew solemn. “If you’re successful then the repercussions of your work will echo all the way into my realm, in my time,” she said. “And I can’t allow that to happen.”

“Indeed?” he taunted, before he could prevent himself. “And just how do you propose to stop it?”

Her eyes flashed. “Oh you are so going to regret asking that.”

She raised her hand and twisted it, the merest flick of her wrist that sent a powerful pulse of energy through the room. He felt it throb through his body and he was rocked by its wave. What followed was silence.

Silence. No clicks. Not a one.

Killian spun round in fury and glowered down at Emma Swan, witch, who did not so much as flinch away from him. On the contrary, she appeared quite pleased with herself, and thoroughly unfazed by his very finest pirate snarl.

“I’ve never managed that so successfully cross-realms before,” she remarked.

Killian’s temper snapped. “What the bloody buggering fuck do you think you’re doing?” he roared. Her nonchalance was infuriating.

“I told you,” she reminded him coolly. “I can’t allow you to succeed.”

“I wasn’t succeeding, though, was I?” he hissed. “I’ve been not succeeding for the best part of a year now.”

“I know.” Her smug expression softened into an empathy that set his teeth on edge. “But that was about to change.”

“Oh was it?”

“Yep.”

He knew it was. But she... “And how the bloody hell could you possibly know that?”

“I told you, I’m a witch.”

He scoffed. “Is that supposed to impress me?”

“Well... yeah, I guess it kind of is.” She frowned. “You know what a witch is, right?”

“Of course I do. A witch is a person, most commonly a female, who is possessed of magical or supernatural powers, typically focused on medicine, the body, nature, and the spirit,” Killian recited.

Emma blinked. “That’s… very precise.”

“I’m well versed in defining the various types and levels of magical practitioner,” he informed her. His surge of anger was draining away and he found he lacked both the energy and will to hold on to it. “The Guild is most insistent that registration be precise.”

“Guild?” Her frown deepened. “Registration?”

“Aye. To both.”

“You had to register? With a guild?”

“I did.”

“Register as what?”

“As an artificer, of course. Despite my lack of skill in the discipline, the Guild insisted. Firmly. Fists were involved.”

“I—see.” Her lips twitched. “That seems unethical.”

He barked a laugh. “Welcome to the Enchanted Forest, love.”

Emma’s eyes went wide and her mouth fell open. “Is that where this is?”

“Aye. Though strictly speaking this”—he gestured at the space around them—“is on an atoll in the Far Southern Sea. But the Artificers’ Guild is in the Enchanted Forest, and they care very little for such things as venue or jurisdiction.” He looked at her curiously. “Didn’t you know?”

“Nope.” She shook her head. “I’m not really here, you see.”

Killian had been so caught up first in wonder then in fury that he hadn’t truly looked at her, at least not beyond what was required to note her striking beauty and odd attire. A manifestation, she had called herself, and once he knew what to look for it was plain to see—the faint translucence and hazy outline of her form. Cautiously, he reached out his hand. It went right through her shoulder, with no more resistance than water in a bathtub.

“Huh,” he said. “Curious. So where exactly are you then, Emma Swan, witch, if you’re not here?”

“I’m…” Emma’s brow furrowed and her nose wrinkled. Killian told himself sternly that it was unwise to find a nose adorable when it sat on the face of the corporeal manifestation of a witch from an unspecified realm. “Well, I don’t really know how to describe it,” she said. “I’m on Earth. About three hundred years in your future. Though I suppose this must be Earth too, really.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. I think so? What do you call it? This… place. Bigger than the Enchanted Forest. You… you know there’s a place bigger, right? Beyond the, um, the forest?”

His lip quirked. Her stumbling attempts to explain were also not adorable. “That I do, lass,” he replied. “I spent years sailing the seas of this realm and have travelled to many a land.”

“You’ve travelled the Earth, then,” said Emma. “Or your equivalent of it. What would you call it?”

“Terra, I believe is what you mean.”

“Yes!” She snapped her fingers then pointed the index one at him. “That’s got to be it!”

“So if I understand you, you’re saying you come from Terra as well, but a different version of it, which you call Earth?”

She gave an eager nod. “Yeah, basically. My Earth was called Terra once too, by people who lived in my past, in a different country. But in my language and my time and my country we say Earth.”

“I... see,” said Killian.

“Yeah.” Emma looked a bit sheepish and waved her hand in a vague arc. “It’s a whole thing with multiverses I don’t really understand, if I’m honest. I’m not a wizard, you see.”

“No indeed. Nor I.”

“Well, I mean, you’re not even much of an artificer. Or at least not until recently.”

She was attempting to tease, he could tell. To keep the mood light between them. But all he could hear was the death knell of his last resort, the only hope he had left of honouring his vow. Without warning, the weight of everything he’d been through, a lifetime of struggle and defeat culminating in his attempt to build a time machine that would apparently destroy multiple realms were it allowed to succeed, settled on his shoulders. It was all he could do not to collapse beneath it. He sank down onto the bench and ran his hand down his face.

“No. That I certainly am not.”

He sensed rather than felt Emma sit down beside him—there was barely more than a shift in the air to mark her movement.

“I’m not an artificer, not even now,” he told her, staring at his hand and brace. “All I am is a desperate man looking to right a terrible wrong.”

“A wrong you need to go back in time to fix?” she asked gently.

“Aye.”

“What happened?”

Killian clenched his jaw. He did not wish to discuss Milah. He never actually had, though others besides Emma had tried to make him, insisting he would feel better if he spoke of it. If he gave vent to his anger and his grief. But he could not—the words caught in his throat each time he tried, stopped by the anger that sat hard and curdled in his chest.

“There was… a woman,” he ground out, faintly astonished to hear the words fall from his lips. “I loved her and she me, but she was married to another. A cringing coward of a man who valued his own comfort and meagre security above her happiness and her health.” He breathed slowly through the anger that still rose up at the thought of it. “She tried her best with him, for years she tried, but ultimately she came to realise that he would never change. She saw the remainder of her life stretched out before her, a grim slog through a grey world of misery, and she knew she had to do something, whatever was necessary to change it. For the sake of her own survival.” He risked a glance at Emma. “But she was a woman, thus her options were limited.”

“So she ran away with you,” said Emma. He searched her face for judgment, but there was none.

He nodded. “She ran away with me.”

“You saved her life,” she said harshly. “But you shouldn’t have had to.”

He blinked, startled at her tone, and watched as her face grew tight with anger. “In my land and my time, women have choices,” she hissed. “We have to fight for them every day, but we have them. We can leave marriages and we can have jobs and we can own our own houses and have our own lives. We don’t rely on men unless we choose to.” She looked up to meet his eyes. “I’m guessing that’s not the case here?”

“You guess correctly.” Killian’s voice was choked, his chest drawn tight by the depth of her compassion. Compassion for a woman she’d never met, who had died long before her time. He cleared his throat. “Milah had nowhere to go and no means to go there. I offered her an escape. It was all I could do.”

A moment passed before Emma spoke again.

“What went wrong?” she asked.

His lip curled. “I expect you can guess.”

He could sense the catch in her breath, though it made no sound in the quiet room. “Her husband found you?”

“Aye. Rather a predictable storyline, isn’t it? But there's an unpleasant twist to this tale, I fear.”

“What twist?” she demanded.

Killian swallowed. “Have you heard of the Dark One?”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Well, yes. I’ve read the lore of course, but… are you saying the Dark One is real?”

“Very much so.”

He watched as comprehension dawned in her eyes. “And he—your—Milah’s husband—”

“Had become the Dark One, aye. At the cost of his soul, of course, but for some men that's a small price to pay to punish an errant wife.”

“Wow. I mean—wow.”

“I’m not familiar with that particular expression but it certainly seems to suit the case,” said Killian drily. “Wow indeed.”

“He murdered her, didn’t he?” Emma said, in a voice like the lash of a whip. It was not a question.

“On the deck of my ship,” Killian replied, “as I watched, helpless to prevent it. He tore her heart from her chest and he crushed it to dust.” He held up his brace, catching the sunlight on the curve of his hook. “And then he took my hand.”

Emma exhaled, long and slow. “So that’s why you want to go back. To stop her murder.”

This was also not a question, but he answered it nonetheless. “Aye. I promised to protect her and I failed. I have to make it right.”

“You know you can’t do that, Killian.”

The empathy in her voice, the understanding, the way she said his name… Killian’s anger rose again and he snapped at her. “Well not now that you’ve destroyed my bloody time machine!”

“You couldn’t have anyway.”

“And just how the devil—”

“Look, I told you, I’m not a wizard,” said Emma insistently. She shifted on the bench until she was facing him fully, one leg tucked beneath the other. “I don’t know all the ins and outs of how the universe works, or like, the multiverse or whatever. All I know is that if you turn on that machine it will blow a hole in all of it. Every realm and at every time would be destroyed. It would end the world.”

Killian scowled as his mind sought frantically for a loophole, a counterpoint, a way. His fist was tightly clenched and pressed hard against his thigh, his breathing shallow. “The books said—”

“The books don’t know,” she interrupted in that same insistent tone. “No one’s ever done this before. No one’s ever even come close.”

“And here I thought I wasn’t much of an artificer,” he sneered.

“Like I said before. You weren’t.”

Killian thought of all the reading he’d done, the careful cross-referencing of books that likely had never before been seen by the same pair of eyes. He thought of his temporal current regulator, the refinements he’d made to it. How certain he was that it would work.

He looked over at Emma to find her watching him, with gentle sympathy and not a hint of pity. “You can’t go back, Killian,” she said softly. “The past has already happened. All you can do is go forward.”

“So what you’re telling me is I need to move on,” he snarled. How he loathed that expression.

She nodded. “In more ways than one.”

Cautiously she reached out and placed her hand over his clenched fist, and though he could not feel her touch he felt it, the warmth of her compassion and her strength and her magic, drawn from another realm in another time. He let his hand relax and held it, palm up, beneath hers. He drew a deep, unsteady breath and then released it. Then he drew another.

They sat in silence for some time.

“I can’t recall the last time I considered what Milah would think if she could see what I was doing,” said Killian, finally, in a low voice. “I thought about her all the time, at first. But then… it got to the point where every time thoughts of her came into my head I would drink them straight out of it.”

“Because you knew that if she could see you she wouldn’t like what she saw.”

“Because I knew that if she could see me she wouldn’t like what she saw,” he echoed. “She wouldn’t have wanted me to lose myself in this—obsession. But then I have always been prone to obsession and she knew that better than anyone.”

“Obsession is just another word for intense dedication,” declared Emma, “once you add a bit of healthy perspective to it. It’s sincere devotion to what you value. Maybe all you need is just to shift your focus a bit. Find something new to work on, and another motivation to drive you.”

“Something new,” he repeated, then gave a hoarse, choking laugh. “I confess I’ve no idea what that could be.”

“You’ll find something.” The look in her eyes as she watched him was amused, wry, soft, and sad all at once. An odd sensation twisted in his chest. “I wish—” she began, then broke off with a shake of her head.

Killian realised their hands were still clasped. He wished he could close his fingers around hers, truly feel the touch of them against his skin. “What do you wish, love?” he pressed.

She shook her head again. “It’s just—after today I won’t be able to See you anymore. Once you’re no longer a threat you’ll stop appearing in my visions. I just wish I could watch what you do next, that’s all." She flashed him a grin. "I have a feeling it’ll be something epic.”

He laughed and after a moment she joined him, with a tinkling, joyous sound that made his heart feel lighter than perhaps it ever had. Maybe she was right, he thought. Maybe he could do something different. Something not driven by loss or anger or greed. “I don’t know if I can promise epic,” he told her. “But I do promise I'll do something. Something important to me. I promise you, Emma Swan.”

She smiled, gorgeous and heartbreaking. “Good.”

Killian could swear he felt her hand tightening on his, felt it in the echoing squeeze in his chest. He heard her next words before she spoke them.

“I have to go.”

He forced himself to nod. “I know.”

She reached up with her free hand and traced her fingertips across his cheek. “Goodbye, Killian Jones,” she whispered… and then she was gone.

Killian sat alone in his workshop with an empty hand and a silent machine, and a brand new ache in his heart. And for the very first time in a life full of loss, he allowed himself to grieve.

—

Killian didn’t drink.

He wanted to. The rum called to him, a siren’s song of numb oblivion, but that was a pit into which he no longer wished to fall. He had things to do now, crucial things, and they required a clear head.

He took the Jolly Roger and he sailed away, far across the seas to a place he'd sworn he’d never go again. The small port village where Milah had lived, and where she’d died. Whose harbour he’d put at his bow for less than an hour before he’d tipped her body into the depths of the sea.

It was the nearest thing he had to a gravestone.

He stood on the deck with his hand on the railing, staring down into the choppy waves below. His throat ached and his chest felt tight.

“I’m so sorry, Milah,” he whispered. “Sorry that I failed in my promise to protect you. Sorry that when I lost you I lost myself as well. I let myself fall so deeply into despair that I lost sight of who I was—and in doing so I sacrificed the man you loved. I’m sorry I became something you’d have hated me to be.” His throat closed up and he swallowed through it, forced the next words out. “When you died I swore to avenge you, but my love, I think—” he exhaled slowly “—I think I have to let you go.”

A brisk wind swept in off the water and ruffled through his hair as Milah’s fingers used to do. It stroked his cheek with the touch of her lips and whispered with her voice in his ear.

I love you, it said. Go.

Killian let his eyes fall shut as he breathed in the scent of her skin, closed his fist in her curls one final time. When he opened them again he was alone.

Alone, but for the first time in many a year, hopeful.

The past is done, he thought, and can’t be changed. All you can do is move forward.

Somewhere, some time, there was a green-eyed witch with golden curls and a sharp tongue and the softest heart he’d ever known. One who could read him like a book and understand the story it told. And he was an artificer who knew how to build a bloody time machine.

It was time to move on.

—

The afternoon was warm and hazy as it often is in August on the coast of Maine. The air was heavy and humid and buzzing with the hum of bees and midges as they swarmed and bumbled their way through late-summer flowers. Flowers that bloomed in full riotous colour in the remarkable garden of a thoroughly unremarkable grey clapboard house.

A figure approached the garden gate, tall and oddly dressed for this realm. He wore a long and sweeping leather coat over an ornately embroidered waistcoat, tall leather boots and a matching heavy satchel slung across his back. He paused, and regarded the gate with a raised eyebrow and all the deference he could muster.

Killian Jones knew magic when he sensed it.

“May I come in, lass?” he inquired of the air and the gate and the bumblebees, and whomever else might happen to be listening.

The gate swung open.

Killian favoured it with a small bow then sauntered through it, through the bright and fragrant garden and up to the porch steps and the door atop them. It opened as he approached to reveal a woman with long curling hair, a tight white tank top and very short shorts. She placed a hand on her hip and smirked.

“Took you long enough,” she said.

Killian climbed the porch steps and dropped his satchel, hooked a thumb beneath his belt buckle and treated her to his flirtiest grin. “Time is relative, I think you’ll find,” he replied. “Also an illusion. And there are some philosophers who claim that—”

His words were cut off by Emma’s lips, her fingers tight on the lapels of his coat as she pulled him in close. She was solid and real against his chest, her mouth hot and her skin so soft. Killian groaned as he sank his fingers into her hair, as he kissed her back with everything he’d held in his heart since he saw her last.

The kiss was short but rich with feeling, with potential, with hope. When it ended they paused for a moment, foreheads pressed together, breathing each other’s breath.

Emma spoke first. “You came forward,” she said. “You actually did it.” She laughed, and thumped her fist lightly against his chest. “I can’t believe you actually did it.”

“Aye, well, as it turns out, I’m a hell of an artificer,” he replied, and she laughed again. He pulled her against him, wrapped his arms tight around her and sighed as she tucked her head beneath his chin.

“And the rest of it?” she inquired softly. “Milah, and the Dark One—”

He took a moment to consider how to answer. There were many things he could say, so much he wanted to tell her. But it would wait. They had time. In the end he said simply, “I’ve made my peace. It’s done.”

“Good.” She looked up at him with that glorious smile and his heart sang with happiness. “That’s good.”

—

@ohmightydevviepuu @thisonesatellite @katie-dub @kmomof4 @mariakov81 @stahlop @spartanguard @killianjones-twopointoh @captain-emmajones

-

[samsaintjames]

okay so: fic recs

So this is gonna be really long and rambling (I'm sure), but we start with the basics.

If you're only ever going to read one and only one fanfic in your entire life you have to read Increments of Longing. It's a Jaina Proudmoore/Sylvanas Windrunner fanfic, but it's AU enough and so well written, that you probably do not actually need to know anything about Warcraft or World of Warcraft and the respective lore and backstory to enjoy it. Just look at it like a very good fantasy novel about an arranged marriage. [...]“But you would tell me what you want?” Sylvanas asked in a voice that was far too controlled to be truly nonchalant."[...] I could not even tell you why, but this line there from the second chapter? It gives me feels (and I could not even tell you what exactly I'm feeling, but yeah).

Anyway, read it (I've read it twice now)!

Okay, from the same author I also whole-heartedly recommend you search the mountain. Which is another Jaina/Sylvanas story, again AU, with Jaina being Drust. You do not necessarily need background info - there even is a map of Kul Tiras included - but you'd probably benefit from it. Particularly the early chapters, when you get to know Arthur, made me laugh and giggle quite a bit, even though the story itself is - since it's about the Drust and a civil war - a bit of a horror story/military fiction crossover I'd say. Good read.

And my kinda guilty pleasure (also from the same author) is no end in sight. It's a story about Suramar (and healing). And when I started playing WoW towards the end of Legion, shortly before the Argus patch, I absolutely fell in love with that region/city and the Nightborne - probably because I wasn't stuck on the repetitive content of it for forever lol. So this story about Thalyssra and Jaina and the other Nightborne NPCs is awesome. I was actually considering to also write about Jaina/Thalyssra, simply because just imagine the insane magic those two could do when working together (I mean they kinda do in Nazjatar), but knowing me, this will probably never get past the conception stage.

Inevitability is also absolutely amazing (it's another - you probably guessed it - Jaina/Sylvanas AU, with both of them being professors - considering I've been working in academics for the last 15 years that's kinda my jam). And I have a lot of thoughts about it, which for the sake of not boring people to death I'm gonna abbreviate (but well I'm ready to talk people to death if they are interested). One: I'd love to meet this Sylvanas. Two: I'd never have the guts to talk to her, but I'd totally want her to take me home lol (and I'm not even sure I'm gay). Three: life at universities around here is very different from - I'm assuming - the US.

(Also if you're into AUs, go check Fearless - which features witches and ghosts and is fun.)

Okay, so now we're coming to how I actually fell into the whole Jaina/Sylvanas thing. It's because of Daugthers of Sea and Snow. Which is a Frozen/WoW crossover featuring Jaina/Elsa I found by looking through Frozen Fanfics when I was bored around the time Frozen 2 came out and then completely forgot - it was still work in progress then; I found the still open tab in my browser like four to three weeks ago, saw it was finished now and devoured the whole thing. And while I was there, I looked at the other things that author had written - and that's how I stumbled upon Jaina/Sylvanas, like two years late. Which is probably kinda ironic, since I played BFA a lot (mythic raiding beginning with Uldir), loving the Storyline in Kul Tiras and being absolutely enamoured with Jaina especially after her Warbringers vid (I still sometimes humm the song) - and liked Sylvanas since Warcraft III. Sometimes life is weird.

So and after that I jumped down this particular rabbit hole while doing a thrilling backflip. There is an assortment of other stories that I very much enjoyed.

A Touch of Arcane - the first fix of political marriage AU for Jaina and Sylvanas that I got (I think it was actually the first Jaina/Sylvanas fic I read period). And boy did I get hooked to that.

Along the same lines but different are Worth the Trouble and Two Rooms.

If you're into AUs for that pairring, you'll find a lot of intereseting ones from the Author katofthenorth. The one about diving is really cute.

Stories not yet finished that I thoroughly enjoyed so far (most of them political marriage AUs - lol I'm a sucker for those okay, it's not my fault!):

Ink and Honor is amazing. I came for Jaina/Sylvanas, but I love the Thalyssra/Vereesa storyline just as much - it's sooooo cute, like even Genn ships them ^^.

threads of silk.

climb the walls.

Measure of the world. They aren't married (yet, it's a possibility though I'd guess and I haven't even reached the end of the so far posted chapters yet, but enjoyable read nonetheless).

The Lighthouse. Amazing AU, I love the idea - and it's not political marriage! I cannot wait for the next chapters.

I've dug too many holes into this thawing ground. This story gave me a lot of feels too.

Honorary mentions for stories that I'm assuming might never be finished, but are amazing reads.

Shot in the Dark. Fuck that is awesome! Secret agents and spies - okay technically snipers, but it's the feeling that counts, right? (and Tyrande in a suit is a nice bonus).

Trust in Me. Sylvanas as Jainas bodyguard AU.

Okay so... I still have like 250 tabs or something ridiculous open in my browser (that's not overstating it, it's fact, in fact I might be understating it at this point and it could already be 300) and I haven't obviously read all the amazing Jaina/Sylvanas fanfics out there yet, particularly short ones or one shots or series might have gotten lost, since I usually filter for high wordcounts only. So, if anyone feels stuff is missing, it does not mean I didn't like it, it could be I've just not read it yet.

And now for something completely different.

I want to point towards one of the coolest crossover stories/series I've ever read: Felicitas. Which is an Arrow/Highlander/Raven crossover that imagines Felicity as an ancient immortal. And it's just soooooo good, I've been following it for years. (That being said, I never watched Arrow past season 2 and I probably never will considering what I know about how the story of the show continues, I've been burned once with Bering and Wells, I'm not going there again. But that's totally fine, because Felicitas also only goes as far as Season 2.)

And then there's still waters and quiet men. I'm not even sure what to say about it. The sheer lunacy and the insane escalation present in this story should not have amused me as much as it did I think, but I remember laughing tears when reading this, because while it's actually really sad that some people might find this kind of behaviour of male characters in fiction normal, it was abso-fucking-lutely hilarious in my opinion. (That said, I've probably only read it halfway, but still, it's hilarious! Well if you have the same maybe weird sense of humor I have anyway.)

New Beginnings is a FemShep/Liara crossover with Stargate SG-1. So it's combining my favourite TV show with my favourite Videogame of all time. And it's brilliant.

So yeah that's my fic recs for the time being. If you just want a tl;dr, go read Increments of Longing. (I just cannot stress enough how amazing that story is.)

I'm only tagging Jaina/Sylvanas since most fics are about them.

[arofili]

legolas or celebrimbor??

celebrimbor doesn’t have a tumblr, he made that shit. he and narvi are @staff.

(well. they were @staff…)

leg …. pre fellowship

their blog url

green-leaves-in-a-green-forest

(or something equally long and horrendously hyphenated and fake poetic)

the kind of posts they reblog

random shit he finds amusing

like, cat pictures and social justice posts from 2013

no theme at all

i would never follow him

the first person they followed

tauriel

she convinced him to get a tumblr because of the memes

a year later, she regrets this immensely

she matured and has a better blog that she doesn’t even use much

legolas is the exact same.

what kind of theme they’d have

tumblr default theme

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

he will wake up in the middle of the night and post about the dreams he just had, but without any context

“made some chocolate milk with the lady who pulls the sun. tasted like weed. also, that one girl who i thought i had a crush on in 3rd grade was there. awkward.”

“sweating so much!! just ran a marathon with my dad while we were being chased by oliophaunts. the racetrack turned into a river halfway through. we won!!”

he thinks he’s funny

(he’s not.)

leg …… during fellowship

their blog url

he privated his blog for the first part of the journey because he thought it would be safer

after a few weeks he gets bored and starts liveblogging this shit

at that point his url becomes “fellowshipoftheleg”

his blog title is “Eight Idiots And A Gorgeous Elf Save The World”

“Hello! My name is Legolas Greenleaf. I am currently on a quest to save the world. The details are ~secret~ but I needed a place to vent so here we go. My companions are all idiots, except for me. My interests include….”

you know the type of subtitle i’m talking about.

the kind of posts they reblog

he basically stops reblogging and only makes original posts during this period of time

the liveblog

legolas had >300 followers before this, but his posts about his journey start to gain traction

his liveblog is pretty much petty complaints at first

he talks shit about gimli

he cracks “jokes” about boromir

(again. he’s not funny)

he reports on the weird stuff gandalf does

he gushes over the adorable hobbits

(until one day he accidentally bumps into frodo and sam tries to jump him.

he’s a little afraid of them after that.)

he quotes aragorn like there’s no tomorrow

some of these are like, actually deep

most of them sound like stuff from inspirobot

or they’re stupid inside jokes

everyone gets code names, cuz legolas isn’t that stupid

gandalf is “old man”

aragorn is “the bro”

boromir is “angstlord”

the hobbits go through tons of nicknames

“itty bitties”

“curly boys”

tiny monsters

eventually they get their own, but by that point the fellowship has split

gimli is “asshole dwarf”

after a few weeks… he becomes weirdly popular.

his story reads like a trollfic, with stupid plot twists and bizarre anecdotes

this mostly is anecdotes, not the full scope of the quest

he mostly makes text posts, with a few pictures here and there

every now and then he’ll post a snapshot of the fellowship roasting marshmallows

or a selfie of him in lothlorien

or a sneaky pic of him drawing dicks on boromir’s face while he’s asleep

he used to be low-profile, but shit’s gone whack.

he’s gaining hundreds of followers a day

his top post has half a million notes.

he’s a tumblr “cewebrity”

everyone on tumblr thinks this is just a story, not real life

people dig through his old posts looking for clues and foreshadowing

they’re baffled by the dedication the mod of the blog has to building up this “legolas” character

or they’re puzzled by the mod’s decision to turn this shit blog into a dedicated storytelling platform

legolas is bombarded with asks and @ mentions

but like…this bitch don’t actually know how to use this website.

he can make a post and reblog one

but that’s literally it

he’s the kind of blogger who leaves stupid captions on popular posts

he can’t figure out how tags work

he’s never heard of xkit

all his asks go unanswered

he’s only sort of aware of what’s going on

he’s blogging 100% from mobile, which makes it even worse

the Legolas Fandom goes buckwild

there is not enough time in the day to over it all

ship wars.

fan theories.

headcanon drama.

it’s a mess.

and again, legolas has no clue that this is going on.

when he catches feelings for gimli…things get insane.

he writes gushy, cringy, angsty posts about gimli

he posts pics of gimli with flower crowns

he composes bad poetry about gimli

the fan base is infuriated.

they’d all been shipping him with aragorn.

and like, no one in the fellowship has a fucking clue this is happening.

at least, not until they get to 

it’s ironic that Isolated Horseblr User eowyn is the first one to recognize legolas

she finally gets up the courage to ask him about it

“has someone been stealing your selfies, or…?”

he is astonished.

if Leg could, he’d shut down the whole thing

even if eowyn had wanted to help him do that, he’s just in too deep

he’s in this for the long haul.

now, Legolas starts to make shit up.

that’s when his popularity tanks.

he’s getting callouts

he’s everyone’s “problematic fav”

people dig through his blog to find dirt instead of clues

Legolas is more aware of this now, and he pouts for days

then gimli, a Twitter-Only lad, finally sees a masterpost explaining everything

he connects the dots way quicker than anyone else did

and oh fuck.

he’s frantically tweeting–

“wtf do i do??”

“i think i’m the asshole dwarf??”

“but he’s like in love with the asshole dwarf now??”

“oh my god, my crush likes me back??”

“has he been liveblogging EVERYTHING??”

eventually he deletes it all and decides to confront legolas

the leg boy caves under pressure and spills the beans.

they figure their personal shit out

of course, aragorn knew everything all along.

at least, that’s what he says

gimli takes over the liveblog for a day and everyone goes nuts.

together, he and leg decide that they’ve got to end this fake-ish story

even though they don���t know the ending of the real one.

for someone who’s never used it before, gimli picks up tumblr etiquette quickly

and on mobile. that’s a whole nother level of perseverance.

he starts streamlining shit, collecting information, making use of fan masterposts

he ties all the loose ends together

with a little bit of help from legolas to make it suitably weird, they close the story strong with a bang and a kiss.

aragorn finds their version of events…amusing.

after the real dust settles and the news stories about the Real Quest hit the press…

now legolas is a Real Actual Celebrity

his fans new and old start to see…similarities between the two stories

plagiarism?

insider info?

conspiracy?

coincidence?

no one can decide.

leg ………… post fellowship

their blog url

Legolas has three blogs now.

“fellowshipoftheleg” is kept as an archive. he doesn’t post there anymore.

he has a secret personal blog, “greenwood-gossip”, that he just posts random shit on like before.

and finally he has a Real Life Famous Person Tumblr Blog, “legolasgreenleaf”

the kind of posts they reblog

with the help of gimli and tauriel, he figures out how to actually use this website.

like most celeb blogs this one doesn’t post much

but he does reblog edits of himself and of his friends

every time he’s asked about fellowshipoftheleg he answers that he is not responsible for it and has no idea about it and would you all please stop asking about it.

the first person they followed

aragorn’s new Famous Person account.

this blog is deactivated after two months because he never uses it.

what kind of theme they’d have

something that should be really classy but with awkward shades of green

like, it had potential but again…legolas has a terrible eye for design

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

he doesn’t usually make original posts

but sometimes he’ll complain about gimli’s weird habits

and once - just once - he confessed that he was the one who ran that liveblog all those years ago

he deleted the post an hour later, but there were screenshots.

legolas is the Ultimate Troll.

[phgq]

Covid-19 opens window of opportunity to public school teacher

#PHnews: Covid-19 opens window of opportunity to public school teacher

ILOILO CITY – A simple act of kindness has evolved into a thriving business keeping the Anilao community afloat amid the coronavirus disease 2019 (Covid-19) pandemic.

Jelie B. Buyco, 39-year-old public school teacher from the municipality of Anilao in Iloilo, started her flourishing Jelie’s Dilis business with just a kilo of anchovies costing PHP480.

On June 16, she received a kilo of anchovies from a co-teacher, who regularly supplies her with dried fish. She cooked them and left one half for the front-liners as part of their meals when they are done with their duties.

She took a photo of the food, posted it on Facebook and tagged her husband, the town’s disaster risk reduction and management officer.

When her co-teachers saw the post, they asked that some be left for them too.

At that time, her co-teachers were preparing the school to be used as the town’s quarantine facility, she told the Philippine News Agency (PNA) in an interview on Friday.

Her co-teachers bought some of the cooked anchovies while she only needed a small amount to pay for the kilo of dried fish she got from her supplier.

When her cousin learned about it, she sent her half-sack or equivalent to five kilos of anchovies. Another friend sent her two kilos more.

She cooked and sold this batch in less than two days.

Through their group chat, she was informed by relatives that in Malaysia, anchovies are being mixed with nuts. So for two weeks, she did her research.

“Within two weeks, I made an experiment,” she said and went through trial and error to perfect her product.

She then posted her product on Facebook and among those who replied are "very important people", she said.

She named her aunt, Dr. Cynthia Cabangal, as among those who first bought her product, next customer was Dr. Cecile Cabangal Gumarin, who is the wife of Guimaras Governor Samuel Gumarin.

Another classmate ordered and brought the items to the Girl Scouts of the Philippines Iloilo Council, which has an online sari-sari store. Her product also reached the Department of Education (DepEd) Division of Iloilo.

The news then spread and residents of Anilao working in call centers offered to become resellers for additional allowance.

Her former students also asked that they be allowed to resell so they can buy milk for their children.

Buyco said she allowed them to pay once they sold the products.

From three to six resellers, she now has more than 300 resellers in Anilao alone. “Every hour every day more resellers are added,” she said.

Buyco also has a group chat for other resellers not from Anilao.

She said there was one wholesaler who wanted to buy her products in bulk but she refused because it would mean displacing her resellers leaving them with no income.

“I wanted my kasimanwa (townmates) to have income,” she said, adding that she and her husband’s advocacy is to help their townmates even in a little way they can.

In a day, she can process a minimum of 800 tubs at 135 grams per container. There was a time when they produced 1, 500 containers.

Her "dilis" comes in different variants: original, nutty sweet and spicy, and extra hot.

Through her resellers, her products have been shipped to Luzon and Mindanao.

Kristian JM Jagoreen, one of her resellers, shared that he saw his friends in Manila reselling the product when it went viral about two weeks ago.

“She told me how the 'dilis' frenzy started, how it has helped the community, and how I can earn from it, too. It didn't take much to convince me to order 25 packs that day. I sold it in three hours. In the next two days, I've ordered 150 packs more. All sold out in a matter of hours,” he said.

Jagoreen now also has resellers in Antique and Capiz. In just three days, he earned PHP3,000, he said.

The best part of the story he said was “the fact that Jelie's business is helping a community thrive amidst the pandemic”.

Buyco already hired 15 locals to help them in the production just after a month and three weeks in operation.

She is now looking for supplies of anchovies as far as Carles, Estancia, Batad, and Concepcion in Iloilo; and Roxas City in Capiz.

The local government of Anilao also took cognizance of her thriving business and farmers of the town are now encouraged to plant peanuts and pepper because they already have a sure market for their produce.

In a day, she said that she needs at least 40 kilos of pepper.

Buyco, the eldest of four siblings, is already married with a child yet she continues to help her family.

She has been working as a public school teacher for 10 years but she might apply for a temporary leave when needed to focus on the business.

“God is sending us the right person. There are a lot of possibilities, which if you will just imagine will not come true. But if you have the right causes, then you will be blessed. Goes does not sleep,” she said. (PNA)

***

References:

* Philippine News Agency. "Covid-19 opens window of opportunity to public school teacher." Philippine News Agency. https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1112335 (accessed August 15, 2020 at 04:17AM UTC+14).

* Philippine News Agency. "Covid-19 opens window of opportunity to public school teacher." Archive Today. https://archive.ph/?run=1&url=https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1112335 (archived).

[stephenmccull]

Must-Reads Of The Week From Brianna Labuskes

The Friday Breeze

Newsletter editor Brianna Labuskes, who reads everything on health care to compile our daily Morning Briefing, offers the best and most provocative stories for the weekend.

Hello! It’s been a tough week, friends, so I won’t say Happy Friday as I usually do. But I will say it is Friday, and I hope you’re getting a chance to exhale. As many people informed us on social media, Shakespeare wrote King Lear under quarantine, but King Lear isn’t his best, anyway, and he probably didn’t have to deal with screaming stir-crazy kiddos or a constant barrage of news. If you’ve been staring at the wall instead of writing the next great historical play, know that you’re very much not alone.

On that note, though, I’m going to do my very best to give you a quick look at what happened, is happening or could happen with the coronavirus outbreak (with the caveat that it would be impossible to capture the scope of this particular universe).

First, two resources that are very cool: 1) KHN’s map that shows how many ICU beds there are in each county, and 2) Johns Hopkins’ map and running tally of confirmed cases.

So here we go with the news:

Congress has been working with the administration, namely Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, to put together a package that would help Americans battered economically by the shutdowns. At the core? Sending checks directly to Americans. The amount taxpayers would get, under Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s plan, would be tied to income and number of children. It would also create a $300 billion pot for small businesses and guarantee loans for the airline industry.

The price tag on the plan — $1 trillion — sounds huge, but experts say it’s not enough to make anything but a minor dent. Congress should be thinking more in the $2 trillion-$3 trillion range.

President Donald Trump is also on board with sending checks to Americans, a move similar to what happened during the Great Recession.

While we’re on Capitol Hill news, Sens. Richard Burr (R-N.C.) and Kelly Loeffler (R-Ga.) dumped millions in stocks in February even as they were reassuring the public that the threat was well in hand. Burr, the chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, also warned a small group of constituents three weeks ago about the potential economic impact of the outbreak. One of the stock purchases Loeffler made was in a technology company that offers teleworking software.

The Friday Breeze

Want a roundup of the must-read stories this week chosen by KHN Newsletter Editor Brianna Labuskes? Sign up for The Friday Breeze today.

Sign Up

Please confirm your email address below:

Sign Up

Something that’s become abundantly clear over the past week is how ill-equipped the country’s health system is to bear the extra weight of a pandemic. Although Trump invoked war powers this week, he seems reluctant to actually use them. (And much of the government’s potential resources remain untapped.) He also shifted the onus to governors to figure out medical device and protective gear shortages. “The federal government’s not supposed to be out there buying vast amounts of items and then shipping,” Trump said. “You know, we’re not a shipping clerk.”

Meanwhile, doctors and other health care workers are having to reuse masks, repurpose bandannas and scarves, and take other measures as some hospitals are going through five- to six-months’ worth of supplies in a week. The number of cases is expected to climb across the country and providers are turning to social media to plead for more masks and protective gear. “It feels like a war zone,” was just one of a flood of quotes from desperate workers.

And protective gear isn’t the only thing that could run out — ICU beds are also in short supply. The federal government and states (and even cruise lines!) are taking measures to try to address the potential crisis, but hospitals are still preparing to have to make tough ethical choices about whom to treat.

Although testing in the United States has ramped up, frustration over the administration’s missteps lingers — especially since it appears that rich and famous Americans were able to get tested where others weren’t. South Korea, which identified its first case the same day the U.S. did, serves as a stark contrast. Well over 290,000 people have been tested and over 8,000 infections have been identified in that country, which is also a democracy. Reuters looks at what South Korea did right and what went wrong here.

Yours truly was one of those poor, misguided souls who decided last weekend that watching Contagion was exactly what I needed in the midst of our real-life pandemic. (I immediately regretted the decision, don’t worry.) But in the movie, a scientist tests a vaccine on herself and then — boom! — it’s out in the world.

That’s not how science works in reality, as we all know, but for many, it’s hard not to hold out hope for a quick miracle cure — either through a vaccine or a treatment.

This week, Trump touted a malaria drug called chloroquine as a potential game changer. But FDA Commissioner Stephen Hahn was quick to pump the brakes, saying clinical trials would be needed to test its efficacy. (For a history of how chloroquine popped up on people’s radar, check out this interesting piece from WIRED.)

Meanwhile, the only company in the U.S. that makes chloroquine raised the price by almost 100% in January. The company has since reduced the cost.

For a glance at the status of drug and vaccine research, check out Stat’s roundup.

Many scientists and other experts are grappling with a lot of unanswerable questions, such as: Will the warmer weather help? and how long will social distancing last? Research is emerging every day on the virus, though, such as a new death rate out of Wuhan, China, that is lower than previous estimates.

It would be impossible to highlight all the compelling stories that ran this week, so here’s an overview of ones that might make good weekend reads:

• The New York Times: Coronavirus and Poverty: A Mother Skips Meals So Her Children Can Eat

• Politico: Coronavirus Will Change the World Permanently. Here’s How.

• The New York Times: Before Virus Outbreak, a Cascade of Warnings Went Unheeded

• USA Today: ‘Complete Chaos’: How the Coronavirus Pandemic Is Upending the Criminal Justice System

• The Wall Street Journal: Coronavirus-Era Food Supply: America Has a Lot. Moving It Is Tricky.

• The Associated Press: Cuomo Emerges As Democratic Counter to Trump Virus Response

• The Washington Post: ‘Dad, Are You Okay?’: Doctors and Nurses Fighting Pandemic Fear Infecting Their Families

• Politico: Trump Team’s New Mission: Defend the ‘Wartime President’

• Los Angeles Times: Coronavirus Poses Dreadful Choice for Global Leaders: Wreck Your Economy or Lose Millions of Lives

• The Washington Post: Biden Is in Control of the Campaign, But Politics Is Entering the Vast Unknown of the Coronavirus

• The New York Times: ‘We Are Not a Hospital’: Inside a Prison Bracing for the Coronavirus

• The Washington Post: Donald Trump’s Presidency As Told Through a Black Marker

That’s it from me. And before any Shakespeare fans come for my throat, I was just joking! (Though I do prefer his comedies.) Have a safe and restful weekend.

Must-Reads Of The Week From Brianna Labuskes published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

[dinafbrownil]

Must-Reads Of The Week From Brianna Labuskes

The Friday Breeze

Newsletter editor Brianna Labuskes, who reads everything on health care to compile our daily Morning Briefing, offers the best and most provocative stories for the weekend.

Hello! It’s been a tough week, friends, so I won’t say Happy Friday as I usually do. But I will say it is Friday, and I hope you’re getting a chance to exhale. As many people informed us on social media, Shakespeare wrote King Lear under quarantine, but King Lear isn’t his best, anyway, and he probably didn’t have to deal with screaming stir-crazy kiddos or a constant barrage of news. If you’ve been staring at the wall instead of writing the next great historical play, know that you’re very much not alone.

On that note, though, I’m going to do my very best to give you a quick look at what happened, is happening or could happen with the coronavirus outbreak (with the caveat that it would be impossible to capture the scope of this particular universe).

First, two resources that are very cool: 1) KHN’s map that shows how many ICU beds there are in each county, and 2) Johns Hopkins’ map and running tally of confirmed cases.

So here we go with the news:

Congress has been working with the administration, namely Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, to put together a package that would help Americans battered economically by the shutdowns. At the core? Sending checks directly to Americans. The amount taxpayers would get, under Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s plan, would be tied to income and number of children. It would also create a $300 billion pot for small businesses and guarantee loans for the airline industry.

The price tag on the plan — $1 trillion — sounds huge, but experts say it’s not enough to make anything but a minor dent. Congress should be thinking more in the $2 trillion-$3 trillion range.

President Donald Trump is also on board with sending checks to Americans, a move similar to what happened during the Great Recession.

While we’re on Capitol Hill news, Sens. Richard Burr (R-N.C.) and Kelly Loeffler (R-Ga.) dumped millions in stocks in February even as they were reassuring the public that the threat was well in hand. Burr, the chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, also warned a small group of constituents three weeks ago about the potential economic impact of the outbreak. One of the stock purchases Loeffler made was in a technology company that offers teleworking software.

The Friday Breeze

Want a roundup of the must-read stories this week chosen by KHN Newsletter Editor Brianna Labuskes? Sign up for The Friday Breeze today.

Sign Up

Please confirm your email address below:

Sign Up

Something that’s become abundantly clear over the past week is how ill-equipped the country’s health system is to bear the extra weight of a pandemic. Although Trump invoked war powers this week, he seems reluctant to actually use them. (And much of the government’s potential resources remain untapped.) He also shifted the onus to governors to figure out medical device and protective gear shortages. “The federal government’s not supposed to be out there buying vast amounts of items and then shipping,” Trump said. “You know, we’re not a shipping clerk.”

Meanwhile, doctors and other health care workers are having to reuse masks, repurpose bandannas and scarves, and take other measures as some hospitals are going through five- to six-months’ worth of supplies in a week. The number of cases is expected to climb across the country and providers are turning to social media to plead for more masks and protective gear. “It feels like a war zone,” was just one of a flood of quotes from desperate workers.

And protective gear isn’t the only thing that could run out — ICU beds are also in short supply. The federal government and states (and even cruise lines!) are taking measures to try to address the potential crisis, but hospitals are still preparing to have to make tough ethical choices about whom to treat.

Although testing in the United States has ramped up, frustration over the administration’s missteps lingers — especially since it appears that rich and famous Americans were able to get tested where others weren’t. South Korea, which identified its first case the same day the U.S. did, serves as a stark contrast. Well over 290,000 people have been tested and over 8,000 infections have been identified in that country, which is also a democracy. Reuters looks at what South Korea did right and what went wrong here.

Yours truly was one of those poor, misguided souls who decided last weekend that watching Contagion was exactly what I needed in the midst of our real-life pandemic. (I immediately regretted the decision, don’t worry.) But in the movie, a scientist tests a vaccine on herself and then — boom! — it’s out in the world.

That’s not how science works in reality, as we all know, but for many, it’s hard not to hold out hope for a quick miracle cure — either through a vaccine or a treatment.

This week, Trump touted a malaria drug called chloroquine as a potential game changer. But FDA Commissioner Stephen Hahn was quick to pump the brakes, saying clinical trials would be needed to test its efficacy. (For a history of how chloroquine popped up on people’s radar, check out this interesting piece from WIRED.)

Meanwhile, the only company in the U.S. that makes chloroquine raised the price by almost 100% in January. The company has since reduced the cost.

For a glance at the status of drug and vaccine research, check out Stat’s roundup.

Many scientists and other experts are grappling with a lot of unanswerable questions, such as: Will the warmer weather help? and how long will social distancing last? Research is emerging every day on the virus, though, such as a new death rate out of Wuhan, China, that is lower than previous estimates.

It would be impossible to highlight all the compelling stories that ran this week, so here’s an overview of ones that might make good weekend reads:

• The New York Times: Coronavirus and Poverty: A Mother Skips Meals So Her Children Can Eat

• Politico: Coronavirus Will Change the World Permanently. Here’s How.

• The New York Times: Before Virus Outbreak, a Cascade of Warnings Went Unheeded

• USA Today: ‘Complete Chaos’: How the Coronavirus Pandemic Is Upending the Criminal Justice System

• The Wall Street Journal: Coronavirus-Era Food Supply: America Has a Lot. Moving It Is Tricky.

• The Associated Press: Cuomo Emerges As Democratic Counter to Trump Virus Response

• The Washington Post: ‘Dad, Are You Okay?’: Doctors and Nurses Fighting Pandemic Fear Infecting Their Families

• Politico: Trump Team’s New Mission: Defend the ‘Wartime President’

• Los Angeles Times: Coronavirus Poses Dreadful Choice for Global Leaders: Wreck Your Economy or Lose Millions of Lives

• The Washington Post: Biden Is in Control of the Campaign, But Politics Is Entering the Vast Unknown of the Coronavirus

• The New York Times: ‘We Are Not a Hospital’: Inside a Prison Bracing for the Coronavirus

• The Washington Post: Donald Trump’s Presidency As Told Through a Black Marker

That’s it from me. And before any Shakespeare fans come for my throat, I was just joking! (Though I do prefer his comedies.) Have a safe and restful weekend.

from Updates By Dina https://khn.org/news/friday-breeze-health-care-policy-must-reads-of-the-week-from-brianna-labuskes-march-20-2020/

[gordonwilliamsweb]

Must-Reads Of The Week From Brianna Labuskes

The Friday Breeze

Newsletter editor Brianna Labuskes, who reads everything on health care to compile our daily Morning Briefing, offers the best and most provocative stories for the weekend.

Hello! It’s been a tough week, friends, so I won’t say Happy Friday as I usually do. But I will say it is Friday, and I hope you’re getting a chance to exhale. As many people informed us on social media, Shakespeare wrote King Lear under quarantine, but King Lear isn’t his best, anyway, and he probably didn’t have to deal with screaming stir-crazy kiddos or a constant barrage of news. If you’ve been staring at the wall instead of writing the next great historical play, know that you’re very much not alone.

On that note, though, I’m going to do my very best to give you a quick look at what happened, is happening or could happen with the coronavirus outbreak (with the caveat that it would be impossible to capture the scope of this particular universe).

First, two resources that are very cool: 1) KHN’s map that shows how many ICU beds there are in each county, and 2) Johns Hopkins’ map and running tally of confirmed cases.

So here we go with the news:

Congress has been working with the administration, namely Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, to put together a package that would help Americans battered economically by the shutdowns. At the core? Sending checks directly to Americans. The amount taxpayers would get, under Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s plan, would be tied to income and number of children. It would also create a $300 billion pot for small businesses and guarantee loans for the airline industry.

The price tag on the plan — $1 trillion — sounds huge, but experts say it’s not enough to make anything but a minor dent. Congress should be thinking more in the $2 trillion-$3 trillion range.

President Donald Trump is also on board with sending checks to Americans, a move similar to what happened during the Great Recession.

While we’re on Capitol Hill news, Sens. Richard Burr (R-N.C.) and Kelly Loeffler (R-Ga.) dumped millions in stocks in February even as they were reassuring the public that the threat was well in hand. Burr, the chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, also warned a small group of constituents three weeks ago about the potential economic impact of the outbreak. One of the stock purchases Loeffler made was in a technology company that offers teleworking software.

The Friday Breeze

Want a roundup of the must-read stories this week chosen by KHN Newsletter Editor Brianna Labuskes? Sign up for The Friday Breeze today.

Sign Up

Please confirm your email address below:

Sign Up

Something that’s become abundantly clear over the past week is how ill-equipped the country’s health system is to bear the extra weight of a pandemic. Although Trump invoked war powers this week, he seems reluctant to actually use them. (And much of the government’s potential resources remain untapped.) He also shifted the onus to governors to figure out medical device and protective gear shortages. “The federal government’s not supposed to be out there buying vast amounts of items and then shipping,” Trump said. “You know, we’re not a shipping clerk.”

Meanwhile, doctors and other health care workers are having to reuse masks, repurpose bandannas and scarves, and take other measures as some hospitals are going through five- to six-months’ worth of supplies in a week. The number of cases is expected to climb across the country and providers are turning to social media to plead for more masks and protective gear. “It feels like a war zone,” was just one of a flood of quotes from desperate workers.

And protective gear isn’t the only thing that could run out — ICU beds are also in short supply. The federal government and states (and even cruise lines!) are taking measures to try to address the potential crisis, but hospitals are still preparing to have to make tough ethical choices about whom to treat.

Although testing in the United States has ramped up, frustration over the administration’s missteps lingers — especially since it appears that rich and famous Americans were able to get tested where others weren’t. South Korea, which identified its first case the same day the U.S. did, serves as a stark contrast. Well over 290,000 people have been tested and over 8,000 infections have been identified in that country, which is also a democracy. Reuters looks at what South Korea did right and what went wrong here.

Yours truly was one of those poor, misguided souls who decided last weekend that watching Contagion was exactly what I needed in the midst of our real-life pandemic. (I immediately regretted the decision, don’t worry.) But in the movie, a scientist tests a vaccine on herself and then — boom! — it’s out in the world.

That’s not how science works in reality, as we all know, but for many, it’s hard not to hold out hope for a quick miracle cure — either through a vaccine or a treatment.

This week, Trump touted a malaria drug called chloroquine as a potential game changer. But FDA Commissioner Stephen Hahn was quick to pump the brakes, saying clinical trials would be needed to test its efficacy. (For a history of how chloroquine popped up on people’s radar, check out this interesting piece from WIRED.)

Meanwhile, the only company in the U.S. that makes chloroquine raised the price by almost 100% in January. The company has since reduced the cost.

For a glance at the status of drug and vaccine research, check out Stat’s roundup.

Many scientists and other experts are grappling with a lot of unanswerable questions, such as: Will the warmer weather help? and how long will social distancing last? Research is emerging every day on the virus, though, such as a new death rate out of Wuhan, China, that is lower than previous estimates.

It would be impossible to highlight all the compelling stories that ran this week, so here’s an overview of ones that might make good weekend reads:

• The New York Times: Coronavirus and Poverty: A Mother Skips Meals So Her Children Can Eat

• Politico: Coronavirus Will Change the World Permanently. Here’s How.

• The New York Times: Before Virus Outbreak, a Cascade of Warnings Went Unheeded

• USA Today: ‘Complete Chaos’: How the Coronavirus Pandemic Is Upending the Criminal Justice System

• The Wall Street Journal: Coronavirus-Era Food Supply: America Has a Lot. Moving It Is Tricky.

• The Associated Press: Cuomo Emerges As Democratic Counter to Trump Virus Response

• The Washington Post: ‘Dad, Are You Okay?’: Doctors and Nurses Fighting Pandemic Fear Infecting Their Families

• Politico: Trump Team’s New Mission: Defend the ‘Wartime President’

• Los Angeles Times: Coronavirus Poses Dreadful Choice for Global Leaders: Wreck Your Economy or Lose Millions of Lives

• The Washington Post: Biden Is in Control of the Campaign, But Politics Is Entering the Vast Unknown of the Coronavirus

• The New York Times: ‘We Are Not a Hospital’: Inside a Prison Bracing for the Coronavirus

• The Washington Post: Donald Trump’s Presidency As Told Through a Black Marker

That’s it from me. And before any Shakespeare fans come for my throat, I was just joking! (Though I do prefer his comedies.) Have a safe and restful weekend.

Must-Reads Of The Week From Brianna Labuskes published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[topicprinter]

Hey, you might remember this post I made over a week ago about making my first sale on www.workshoptactics.com.What is your product?With endless, lengthy and complicated design and team workshop exercises out there, and tonnes of terrible ineffective meetings: Workshop Tactics is a simple, curated set of Agile workshop exercises to help your team get stuff done effectively.What motivated you to start?As a digital designer, I wanted to create a physical product that solved a problem I kept seeing. People who know how effective a good workshop is, don't know which one to run, or when. I wanted to leverage all of my design, website, marketing and research skills and go out and do it for myself.How long have you been working on it for?I've been working on Workshop Tactics since December last year. It started out as a website, which I scrapped. I believed having something physical would reflect the offline nature of a workshop. Writing the content has been the most time consuming aspect.What's your one year and five year plan?In 6 months, I hope to either have created a successful Kickstarter - and sold 1000 copies. In 5 years, I hope to be in the back pocket of every great digital product team in the world.What have been your most memorable positive and negative experiences?The most memorable experience was unboxing the prototypes. I was physically shaking with excitement. This thing that existed on a screen for so long was about to become real! Seeing the delight on people's faces as they looked at them was a great feeling too. The worst experience has been the long slog its taken to get here. Looking at online competition and other great resources and constantly battling the doubtful feeling of "why bother, this has already been done really well". - but it's not been done by me!Advice I would give myself if I was starting out againSeek feedback earlier and more often. Don't be afraid of the telephone. Speak to people! You'll learn more than you could ever dream.The following is a fairly in-depth story of how I got to where I am now, which is now planning my kickstarter campaign, with 70 dedicated customers with a mailing list of only 240.So how do you grow a mailing list from 0?You grow it to 1, then you grow it to 2, then 3.This is clearly garbage advice, but there is some truth to it. So what am I getting at? One of the most important things I learned was from reading Seth Godin’s “This is Marketing”. He talks about finding your smallest viable market. Sell to one person, and grow from there. You need to treat your mailing list in the same way.So how did I sell £1400 of product in a week from a mailing list of 200?1. Do you know what specific problem you are solving?This product solves a very niche problem in a niche sector of the software development industry. Being niche means you can laser focus on a problem. Chances are if you are solving a problem for one person, you are solving it for many. The problem I was trying to solve was there is too many workshop resources out there to choose from, and it’s not clear which you should do or when. So my product curates the best workshops, and tells you why and when to use them. Problem? Too many over complicated workshops. Solution? A curated set of simple workshops.2. How do you find out if people would buy it?The solution is simple. Make it so people can actually buy it. I created a landing page with a mock up of the product (a set of cards). The name and brand were also a part of this test. It needed to feel like it was real. I spent most of my time honing the content to make sure the proposition was as clear as possible. I spent in total £400 on LinkedIn ads. This allowed me to test which marketing message was most effective, as well as what landing page copy was most effective. But how did I know if it was effective or not? I didn’t enable people to buy the product. So what did I do instead?3. How do you know if the idea is “validated?”I got a staggering 20% conversion rate. The thing I measured? Email sign ups with the sole intent of being notified when the product would be available. An email sign up told me two things:There is intent to purchase.They are willing to wait to find out when they can buy it.This gave me confidence I had an idea that would sell. How did I know this really telling me my product idea was validated? Anything above 5% is extremely good. But it’s not an exact science, this data only gives you a steer. There were other things I had yet to learn. How much would people pay for it? Would people actually find the product useful in reality?4. How did you go from 20 to 200 subscribers?During this time I also tweeted to my peer group (500 followers) and LinkedIn connections (900). This grew my list to nearly 100 subscribers! Why didn’t I do this in the first place? Because I wanted to validate my idea with strangers. Based on all this data, I knuckled down and made version one of the product. I knew the time I invest now wouldn’t be wasted. But how would I find out if what I was making was any good?5. Learning is the name of the game, but how do you learn without a product to test?I was already aware of my target audience, as I work with them every day as a consultant. It would take some time before I could get a physical version of the deck out, but I wanted to make sure I was starting off on the right foot. I created a short survey that asked my subscribers and peers what their expectations of the product was. What they were already using, and what their biggest problems are.The responses I got gave me valuable insight into my target customer. Those that filled the survey also expressed interest in trying a free prototype of the product in exchange for more feedback. Creating this early connection with my audience was key. They will later become my advocates, ambassadors and evangelists of the product. Word of mouth is king.6. What has product development got to do with growing an email list?I wanted to make sure I had enough people interested to send something to. With an MVP, it’s entire purpose is to answer high risk assumptions about your product. What’s the biggest assumption I have? That people would actually use it, and find it useful. The other big assumption? That I had an audience for my product. Instagram was a longer test of finding my audience. So there are two tracks of development. Product, and audience.How much did I spend on making the prototype? For the price of learning, it cost £300 to send 30 decks to my subscribers. I skimped on quality, because all I was concerned about was the physicality and the content. I had to create something that functioned to that level.Why didn’t I just send out a PDF? I could’ve done, but the other thing I wanted to learn is if people valued having it as a physical object. That was another assumption I was testing.What happened next? I saw people were tweeting about it, which felt really good. I really started to believe I was on to something. But the nature of the product meant it was hard to get immediate feedback. I had to wait a little while for people to have the opportunity to use it.It would be a few weeks before I started to hear feedback. I had to chase a lot of people. 10 of those 30 I never heard from. However, those that sent me feedback, and those who I spoke to over the phone gave me such ground breaking feedback that I had a clear plan of how to improve the product.Pro-tip: The purpose of an MVP: Minimal effort for maximum learning. If you aren’t learning from an MVP, you’re doing it wrong. Treat your instagram like an MVP.7. How did my email list magically double?When I wasn’t working my job, or working on the product itself, I was working trying to grow my audience. Can I tell you a secret? There is no such thing as magic. It took a lot of work. A friend introduced me to using Instagram for marketing, but I dismissed it. The whole hashtag chasing, selfie taking culture wasn’t for me. But as I dipped my toe into it, I found out where my niche audience was hanging out. Hashtags are kind of a miracle when you find the right ones.I created a tonne of content, experimenting with different hashtags until I found what worked. Making all the content and scheduling it was a life saver, it also gave credibility to the brand I was growing, to be active on social media. I created content that I believed would give value to my audience. Not random arty photos of any old bollocks. Actual tangible advice, step by step exercises, quotes that genuinely tried to change perspectives.Were my posts performing? In the first couple of weeks, no. But as I zoned in on the right hash tags, and learned what content was resonating - I started to find my people. Those people lead to even more wonderful things. Because of Instagram, I was invited onto a podcast about my products niche, which gave me another marketing platform.8. Where are you at now?By now, I had 140 Instagram followers, 100 twitter followers and 240 email subscribers and 30 alpha product users. Whilst the numbers are small, I knew that every single one of these people had some interest in the product. That’s why when I put the beta product for sale, I got 44 sales in a week. I sold 44 of something that didn’t exist yet. Why did I do that? Firstly, I wanted to test the price. It turns out, the price was just about on point. Secondly, I wanted to test if people would ACTUALLY buy the product. And because they did, they funded the second print run of the deck, which meant I could print it at a higher quality, and also spend money on the unboxing experience. The revenue from the pre-orders versus the expense of 44 decks (boxed and shipped!) meant the beta trial cost me £120. That’s pretty good value for learning! I also now have another 44 future advocates of the product (if it does what it promises).9. What’s next?Now I’m working on finalising the product before it’s delivered to my first paying customers. Learning is still the name of the game. I’m still honing how I market the product, who my core user is and what their needs are. The more I learn, the better I can make the product. My goal now is to have an interview with every beta purchaser and listen to them as intently as possible. To learn what their hesitations were, what value they got the most from the product, how they'd improve it, etc. The next move is to the leverage my growing email list, my personal contact list and create a kickstarter to hopefully send my product into the stratosphere of my niche industry. I'm at a crossroads now where Kickstarter seems like an obvious route, but it might not be necessary if I carry on with my current trajectory of building, measuring and learning.Thanks for reading!

[keywestlou]

THE MAN IS NO PATRIOT

Mitch McConnell is a U.S. Senator from Kentucky and Majority Leader of the U.S. Senate. As Majority Leader, no bill reaches the Senate floor for debate or vote without his blessing. He rarely exercises that blessing. He has refused to present for a vote almost all bills passed by the Democratic House of Representatives.

The issue of Russia playing dirty tricks with U.S. elections became apparent in 2016. Since that time, McConnell has blocked all bills intended to protect U.S. elections from Russian interference. In spite of overwhelming evidence of the same.

McConnell recently was tagged with the name “Moscow Mitch” because of his actions. A name he does not like. Especially since he is running for reelection next year.

Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank in a column published this morning commented on McConnell. He wrote, “…..McConnell has no shame. He is aiding and abetting Putin’s dismantling of Americas’ self-governance. A leader who won’t protect our country from attack is no patriot.”

Milbank’s last sentence says it all.

McDonnell has done quite well in his 37 years as a U.S. Senator.

His wife is Elaine Chao. Born in China. A resident of the U.S. since age 8. They married in 1993. She has had a distinguished career.

She served as Secretary of Labor under Bush 2 and is serving as Secretary of Transportation under Trump.

In her present position, she controls the distribution of significant federal dollars. In the 2 1/2 years she has served as Secretary of Transportation, Kentucky has received $78 million in federal grants.

Some consider the grants “murky.”

Elaine’s parents operate a large shipping business. Their firm has benefited also.

I make no representation nor suggest any wrongdoing. However it is interesting to note that in the last 20 years, the McConnell fortune has increased by the tens of millions of dollars.

My interest in politics kept me in last night. Trump was speaking at a political rally in Cincinnati. I could not find it on any channel. It became an early to bed evening.

The USS Billings is a new U.S. Navy vessel. A 369 foot littoral combat ship.

The Billings will be commissioned tomorrow. Key West has been designated as the port of its commission.

A big day for Key West!

Many American companies have gone out of business or cut back since Trump’s election. More so since the trade wars began.

The most recent major corporation to announce a cut back is Lowe’s. Management describes the number to be let go as “many.” Lowe’s plan is to outsource its maintenance and assembly worker jobs.

Some stores will be closed.

Lowe’s advises the reason for the cutbacks is to reduce costs.

Lowe’s is a major employer. Full time employees number 190,000. Part time, 110,000.

Some Trump observations.

Trump threatened yesterday to increase U.S. imposed tariffs on China by another $300 billion. China says it will retaliate.

Donald, it is no way to do business.

China is rated #2 in the world economically and militarily. They may be #1. Who really knows.

China will retaliate at this point again by imposing tariffs also. Such cannot go on forever. At some point China is going to say enough. Then a shooting war.

During this time of economic belligerency, I recall Trump’s statements during the 2016 campaign: I love tariff wars!….I understand tariff wars!…..I win tariff wars!

China did not want a tariff war. Trump did. He grossly over estimated his ability to win one.

No one wins a tariff war. Both the U.S. and China are being hurt. China has resiliency however. They will not submit in any fashion.

Trump announced yesterday the U.S. was pulling out of its Cold War nuclear treaty with Russia. An intermediate nuclear missile pact. Trump claims Russia has made no effort to comply.

The pact was signed during the Reagan years. Trump leaves me confused. Why did the U.S. wait so long to get out of the agreement? I question the truthfulness of the President’s representation. Difficult to believe anything he says.

What happened to Trump’s relationship with Putin? I thought they were friends.

This past week North Korea tested its third short range missiles again. Trump says he is not concerned. Two years ago, Trump was ready to go to war over the missile testing.

I suspect the real reason is that Trump is gearing up with everything the U.S. has to go to war with Iran. The U.S.cannot handle 2 major wars at one time. Especially when in one fashion or another, it is engaged in so many other conflicts world wide.

Two items Trump spoke about in Cincinnati last night involved the “end of the AIDS epidemic” and a “cure for childhood cancer.” The childhood cancer also referred to in the speech as pediatric cancer.

Trump claimed the “end of the AIDS” epidemic would come shortly. The “cure for childhood cancer” very shortly.

The ending of both would be a blessing. Trump however has under estimated the time yet involved in accomplishing either.

Re AIDS, the U.S. is on the way. Except the end of AIDS transmissions is not expected till 2030 at the earliest. A major AIDS scientist said even 2030 will not be easy. “Doable but daunting.”

I assume Trump mentioned the AIDS item in Cincinnati because Cincinnati has one of the highest number of AIDS victims. An epidemic. One brought on because of needle-drug use. Gay and bisexual men of color between the ages of 25 and 34 at the highest risk.

Re childhood cancers, the “very shortly” sounds encouraging. Does not hold up fact wise, however. Eighty percent of childhood cancers are curable because they involve leukemia. Leukemia is under control. Other childhood cancers are not. There lies the problem. The cure rate for pediatric cancers, except for leukemia,  has not changed in 20 years.

Children’s cancers tough! I recall when Robert was born 15 years ago. He was born with cancer of the liver. Airlifted immediately to Miami Children’s Hospital. Two major surgeries in the first 8 days of his life.

Children’s Hospital was something. Many buildings, many floors. The corridors wide and long. Each for a different cancer. Each had a sign indicating the cancer. Walking up and down the corridors where kids 2-3, 7-8, any age. Most pushing a stand with an intravenous bottle on it. Chatting with each other like nothing was wrong.

We spoke with the operating doctor following the first surgery. How did it go? How will he be? The doctor’s response chilling. We don’t know. This is the first time we’ve seen this type cancer.

Tough.

Robert is 15 today. A high school sophomore, a top student, and #1 on the high school tennis team.

Enjoy your day!

  THE MAN IS NO PATRIOT was originally published on Key West Lou

[mystlnewsonline]

New Post has been published on https://www.stl.news/this-week-odd-news-stooges-hairdo-and-a-284b-bill/58557/

This week in odd news: 'Stooges' hairdo and a $284B bill

FALLS CHURCH, Va./December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)— A suspect wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with “Trust Me” allegedly stole a car with an accomplice in Fairfax County, Virginia.

The Washington Post reports that the two suspects from Falls Church were arrested by police in the stolen car not long after the unlocked Honda Civic was taken as it warmed up.

Police say they also found several forged checks during the arrests.

The newspaper says Wilmer Lara Garcia has been charged with auto theft and two counts of forgery. Police say he was wearing the shirt that read “Trust Me.”

His accomplice was charged with auto theft.

FLORIDA MAN SAYS HE PUNCHED ATM FOR GIVING TOO MUCH CASH

COCOA, Fla/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)— A Florida man told investigators he punched an automatic teller machine because it gave him too much cash.

An arrest report says 23-year-old Michael Joseph Oleksik man caused about $5,000 in damage to an ATM at a Wells Fargo bank branch in Cocoa on Nov. 29. He was arrested Dec. 22 on a criminal mischief charge after bank officials decided to press charges.

Florida Today reports surveillance video captured Oleksik pummeling the touchscreen.

An arrest report says that Oleksik told a bank manager he was angry that the machine was giving him too much money and he didn’t know what to do because he was in a hurry for work. He apologized for causing damage.

Jail records don’t list a lawyer for Oleksik.

DEFINITION MISSION: A RHYMING LIMERICK FOR EACH ENGLISH WORD

One man’s joke has become his mission: to give each word a rhyming definition.

Chris Strolin was teasing English buffs in an online forum years ago when he said the dictionary would be greatly improved if definitions were written as five-line limericks. Then he decided to try it for real.

The Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form — or OEDILF (OH-dilf) for short — has published more than 97,000 rhyming definitions since Strolin started the online dictionary in 2004. He expects to reach limerick No. 100,000 sometime in 2018.

Even with help from roughly 1,000 contributing writers, Strolin’s limerick dictionary is nowhere near finished. It currently ends in the Gs at the word “gizzard.”

Strolin hopes his grandchildren — or perhaps their kids — will finish the Zs.

WOMAN STUNNED TO FIND ELECTRIC BILL LISTED AS $284 BILLION

ERIE, Pa/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)— A Pennsylvania woman says she went online to check her electric bill and was stunned at the amount — more than $284 billion.

The Erie Times-News reports that Mary Horomanski said her eyes “just about popped out” of her head when she saw the amount. She suspected that her family had put up their Christmas lights wrong.

The silver lining was that she didn’t have to pay the full amount until November 2018 — only a $28,156 minimum payment was due for December.

Horomanski’s son contacted Penelac, her electric provider, who confirmed the error. Parent company First Energy said a decimal point was accidentally moved. Her new amount was quickly corrected to $284.46.

STYLIST ACCUSED OF GIVING MAN UNWANTED ‘STOOGES’ HAIRDO

MADISON, Wis/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)— Police in Madison, Wisconsin, arrested a hairstylist after he gave a customer a very unwanted Larry Fine hairdo.

Police spokesman Joel DeSpain says the 22-year-old victim told officers the stylist asked him to stop fidgeting and moving his head during the Friday haircut. The Wisconsin State Journal reports that DeSpain says the stylist then nicked the customer’s ear with his clippers before running them down the middle of the man’s head on their shortest attachment, “leaving him looking a bit like Larry from ‘The Three Stooges.'”

DeSpain says officers arrested the 46-year-old hairstylist, Khaled A. Shabani, who pleaded not guilty to disorderly conduct Wednesday. DeSpain says Shabani told officers it was an accident.

WOMAN ACCUSED OF TRYING TO SNORT COCAINE IN POLICE STATION

LEDYARD, Conn/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)— A woman has been accused of trying to snort cocaine inside a Connecticut police station while waiting to be booked on unrelated charges.

Police say Nicole Hunter was charged on Christmas Day with possession of narcotics, interfering with an officer and disorderly conduct.

Police had arrested Hunter after a confrontation at her home in Ledyard while investigating a report of an erratic driver. They say the vehicle involved matched the one in Hunter’s driveway.

Police say Hunter was in a waiting area of the police station when she pulled cocaine wrapped in paper from inside her clothing and tried to snort it.

Hunter doesn’t have a listed phone number and can’t be reached for comment. She’s due in court Jan. 8.

ANTI-GAMBLING CRUSADER WINS $25K IN GAMING SWEEPSTAKES

CHICAGO/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)— A suburban Chicago woman who has crusaded against gambling for decades has won $25,000 by playing a sweepstakes game at a gambling cafe.

Kathy Gilroy tells the Chicago Tribune that while it’s ironic she won the sweepstakes, the distinction is that she didn’t spend her own money to gamble.

Gilroy has said gambling can lead to addiction, bankruptcy, crime and suicide. She helped shut down a $1.6 million Queen of Hearts raffle put on by the Veterans of Foreign Wars post in rural Morris this year until the raffle was properly licensed.

Gilroy says she’s participated in other sweepstakes and won prizes, including electronics and trips to the Bahamas and California. She says she enters sweepstakes because they’re made available free of charge under state law.

POLICE: WOMAN RUINED $300K WORTH OF ART ON DATE WITH LAWYER

HOUSTON/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)— Authorities say an intoxicated Dallas woman on a first date with a prominent Houston trial lawyer caused at least $300,000 in damage to his art collection, including two Andy Warhol paintings.

Lindy Lou Layman was arrested Saturday on criminal mischief charges after her date with Anthony Buzbee. She was released on $30,000 bond. Online court records don’t list an attorney for her.

Prosecutors say Buzbee told investigators that the 29-year-old Layman got too intoxicated on their date, so he called her an Uber after they returned to his home. She allegedly refused to leave and hid inside the home, and that when Buzbee found her and called a second Uber, she got aggressive.

Authorities say she tore down several paintings and poured red wine on some, and she threw two $20,000 sculptures.

The damaged Warhol paintings were each valued at $500,000.

HEARTWARMINGLY ICY: DESPITE MINUS 34 TEMP, COUPLE GET ENGAGED

SARGENT’S PURCHASE, N.H/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News) — A New Hampshire man hasn’t let an extreme cold get in the way of a heartwarming proposal.

WMUR-TV reports that 31-year-old Josh Darnell, of Londonderry, dropped to his knee and popped the question after climbing Tuckerman’s Ravine on Thursday, the same day it hit minus 34 (-37 Celsius) on Mount Washington.

There’s a happy ending: twenty-seven-year-old Rachel Raske (RASS’-kee), of Lowell, Massachusetts, said yes. Raske tells WMUR that Darnell had hiked Tuckerman’s Ravine last summer with his dad and had been planning to pop the question there ever since.

MAN CHARGED WITH SNEAKING INTO HOME TO TRY TO STEAL UNDIES

WASHINGTON, Mo/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)— Police say an eastern Missouri man told officers he has an “underwear fetish” and admitted to sneaking into a home to try to steal a pair.

The St. Louis Post- Dispatch reports that 34-year-old Cody Hassler, of Washington, Missouri, was charged Wednesday with first-degree burglary, first-degree stalking and stealing. No attorney is listed in online court records. Bond is set at $75,000.

Police say Hassler admitted to sneaking into the house through an unlocked basement door in October while a mother and her teenage daughter were sleeping and taking a pair of underwear from the laundry room.

The teenager awoke when she heard footsteps and police were called. Officers found a pair of underwear that apparently had been dropped when the suspect fled. Hassler also admitted to looking through bedroom windows.

BURNT BAGEL BLAMED FOR ST. LOUIS AIRPORT EVACUATION

ST. LOUIS/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)— A burnt bagel is being blamed for the evacuation of a terminal at Lambert Airport in St. Louis.

Airport officials say a bagel burned in a restaurant in Terminal 2 around 6 p.m. Tuesday, setting off smoke detectors and prompting a full evacuation. An estimated 300 to 400 people were required to go outside, where the temperature was 11 degrees.

The airport says the evacuation lasted only about five minutes, but passengers had to go back through security checks once they re-entered the building. No flight delays were reported.

A COUGAR IN YOUR LUGGAGE? HUNTING CARCASS FOUND AT AIRPORT

LAS VEGAS/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)Police say a hunter’s trip home hit a snag in Las Vegas after security screeners found a dead cougar in his luggage.

No crime was committed because the man had a hunting tag. But police Lt. David Gordon told the Las Vegas Review-Journal that Transportation Security Administration agents held the man at McCarran International Airport late Tuesday to confirm the validity of the Utah hunting tag.

His name and where he was headed weren’t released.

Airport spokeswoman Melissa Nunnery says the man ended up shipping the cougar carcass home, not on the airplane.

Gordon says it’s not a crime to transport legally possessed game on an airline flight. But he says airlines can refuse to transport certain items.

LIFELONG BEST FRIENDS DISCOVER THEY’RE ACTUALLY BROTHERS

HONOLULU/December 30,2017(AP)(STL.News)— Two Hawaii men who grew up as best friends have recently learned that they’re actually brothers.

Alan Robinson and Walter Macfarlane have been friends for 60 years. Born in Hawaii 15 months apart, they met in the sixth grade and played football together at a Honolulu prep school.

Macfarlane never knew his father. Robinson was adopted.

Honolulu news station KHON-TV reports that the men learned they’re related through a family history and DNA website. They revealed the discovery Saturday.

Macfarlane’s daughter, Cindy Macfarlane-Flores, says when they started digging into answers about his family history, a top DNA match was someone with the username Robi737.

Robinson’s nickname was “Robi” and he flew 737s for Aloha Airlines.

They plan to travel and enjoy retirement together.

Robinson says it’s the best Christmas present.

By Associated Press, published on STL.NEWS by St. Louis Media, LLC (TM)

[topicprinter]

I know I don't have much to bring to the table yet as I am still growing this business but I thought this would be a good post for those always asking about home businesses or a side hustles all while still working a full time job. My daughter and I started this business two years ago and it is now bringing in around $1000 a month and still growing.A thousand dollars may not compete with some of the "we made it" posts that get added here but for most people asking questions about how to get started this might motivate a few to start. I also want to point out that my subscribers, followers, sales, that I am about to list are not high by any means. I hope this doesn't discourage anyone as well but help you understand that even with these small numbers we are making what many would consider a nice monthly side income to help out.This turned out really long, I am sorry and I hope this is usefulThe genesis This all started when we stayed at a hotel in Seattle a few years back and my eleven year old daughter and her cousin kept running to the bathroom to use a sugar scrub that was placed on the sinks. They must of used it at least a dozens times a day and as we left she asked to buy some. Once she purchased this small 1oz scrub for $7 I started to look at the product itself and the costs that went into it and mentioned "we could make this at home". She got excited and asked repeatedly over the next couple of weeks to make it, and then asked if it would be something we could sell. I looked sugar scrubs up online, found a couple facebook groups dedicated to this stuff and asked a few questions to get an idea of what I was looking at. Once we had a recipe we wanted to try we ran out and bought supplies, sugar, oils, jars, labels, all totaling about $50. We spent that night putting them all together, mixing, labeling, wrapping up so that I could take them to work the next day. I work in a building that has a lot of women who love this type of stuff and they're constantly bringing in their own handmade items such as quilts, sewing projects, baked goods, etc for others to look at and purchase. I grabbed all the jars the next morning and as I left my wife said "You really think you're going to make money off those?" I sold half the jars I took to work that first day for $97 to which my wife said as I got home "No shit, you actually made that much from those?!"Creating the product Once I got home that night I told my daughter that I think we have something here and we should make them nicer next time. I spent the next few nights searching wholesalers, suppliers, amazon, you name it, for cheaper jars, bulk sugar, oils, labels and started ordering. I found a nice plastic jar we could package them in, some labels, cheaper oils and sugars and we got to work on the labels ourselves. We spent maybe another $100 on everything and had a sugar scrub that we liked, jar, label, product.Selling the product I started selling to family and coworkers first, I think most people start there. I will say that I am lucky with work and some small sales. I work in a building that has a few thousand people and it's easy to show alot of people. Don't get me wrong this is not a gold mine, it brings me around $100-$200 a month from regulars and new. I don't want to discourage anyone reading this thinking that I jumped into a work goldmine. Once I had products at work I started to walk around our town, which is a little tourist trap in spots, and shopped our sugar scrubs. I also posted in the local facebook town group and asked if anyone would be interested in selling our scrubs in their shops and had one lady say she would love too. About a month later she said that she hadn't sold a single one, even though I had a friend tell me she walked in and bought one from her. She never put them out on her shelves so I told her I would just come pick them up and thanked her for giving us a shot. I did this for a month or two, work, facebook, family and then finally started to wander around town for a place to set up a table display. I tried to think of some parks, town squares, anything that would have a lot of people walking through and everything took a city license to set up. Finally I drove past a local Whole Foods style grocery store and said fuck it, I'm asking these guys if I can set up and without hesitation they said yes. That first table set up should of been embarrassing but I didn't give a damn, I set up anyway and sold almost every single scrub I had and even the ones from the shop that said she couldn't sell them. I am normally a very quiet person out in public and don't often initiate random conversations with strangers but I hit up every single customer that walked in with a big smile and said "All natural sugar scrubs today if you'd like to test them" We made a little over $300 that day!From there I started to ask them every Saturday if I could set up again and they said "Absolutely" I was there every Saturday for about two months straight when one of the managers came to me and said they wanted to carry our products in store. During this time we also started to add some more products to our table. We made some body butters, lip scrubs, pretty much anything my daughter wanted to try out. My wife finally said "If you're going to make things will you make me some candles, I hate spending so much for them." Over the next couple of weeks we added candles to our table and made about $400. The first day I set them out we sold every single one.Expanding our business This is where we are now, we have some of our products narrowed down and are now solid sellers, candles being the top one. For the last year we have been doing anything we can to get our products seen and anything to make sales. I sell them on our website, still at work, random friends on facebook, facebook sale groups, a few new small shops locally, and two in other states. I started to send our candles to anyone that had a following on instagram and found a couple of influencers with a decent following, anything to get them seen and grab new followers to the instagram profile.Growing pains and mistakes From the top of the article, my first mistake was doing consignment with that shop that didn't sell a single scrub. I said no problem to this agreement in the beginning because we were small and I didn't have leverage to say no. Lesson learned. She actually did sell a couple scrubs, I know this for fact because a personal friend bought one. I gladly took my product and moved on. Consignment can be fine for some but if you do so you will have to keep track with your inventory, their inventory and you will even have to promote your own product for them as they really stand nothing to gain from selling your product like they would if they bought it from you at wholesale.Influencers is where I messed up next. I started to send my products to people with influence and didn't have a clear idea of what I was doing and no way to keep up with demand and offers since we were just starting. I reached out to a team member of Garyvee's that I followed at the time to see if she would take a look at our product and give us some feedback. She received our package and then asked if we would want to be one of Gary's sponsors for his weekly email he sent out back then. Gary's old email, and some still do, contain a sponsor at the bottom that offers free products or a nice discount for one of their products. I thanked her and another member that sets this up but had to say no because there was just no way I could meet this demand or even cover the cost for shipping 150 of anything for free. Huge miss.The next influencer I sent the candles too was a hit but it was a selfish send on my part. I noticed she used a lot of candles and asked her if we could send her some of our candles to try out. She loved them and said thank you but didn't post about them. After watching Garyvee for so long I wasn't disappointed, I knew that I didn't do anything too special to get a nice tag or feature. It wasn't until after I sent them that I realized there was nothing special about what I sent her, just a random product thinking she would use her giant platform for my gain. Very selfish without realizing it. A couple days later I finally pulled my head out of my ass and customized the candles for her. I had been following her for a while so I knew her colors, her styles, her likes and made a set of candles with a logo that featured her brand and made my logo very small in the corner of the label, she loved them! She promoted them on her profile, talked about them on her live stream and even used one as a giveaway item. I have sent her a few new version now and honestly I have not been sending her enough candles, I need to double down on this one! TheSkinnyConfidential has been nice enough to feature us many times now and I could not be more grateful.Not buying what I need, when I need it. Once I knew which products were selling well and I was making consistently, I should of bought items to help make this process more efficient. Soap molds instead of pans then cutting bars individually, jars, lids, commercial equipment, anything to help speed up production. I have gone months in some instances before I nutted up and bought something that would of saved me countless hours of time and made me money quicker because of cost and fear. When you know you have demand for something you know you will use such as a larger mixer, premade labels, more jars, back stock oils, whatever, buy it!Facebook ads is another growing pain. I am still learning this one and not gaining much traction but I see results in other ways. I have been playing with them for about a year now and I am starting to see what's working and what's not. I have spent about $500 so far but I have not gained one sale from that $500. I have picked up some subscribers but no sales that I can tie directly to the ads whatsoever. I am also not spending enough per ad to really grab the best clients I imagine. I only spend at most $20-$30 per ad just to test audiences and creative.Learning patience and unknown blessings in going slow I always wish I had an extra $10,000 only to be thankful a few months later that I didn't have it. What I mean by this is every time I have said to myself "If I only had X amount I would buy so much of X right now". I can think of a thousand things I need at this moment to make this go faster but I have to remind myself that I am still in the beginning stages of this still and I am still learning. Not having that amount I would spend far less, something like $30 on new packaging that I wanted to order a thousand off, praising the patience Gods later because it turned out to no the right one, right size, right color, etc and only being out that $30 and not thousands. I am the type to go full force without thinking or testing properly and I have made several packaging mistakes that thankfully have only added up to very small amounts. I would of wasted thousands if I would of had it at the time. Throwing away $30 in product because I was impatient is easier to swallow than $3000.Successes One of our successes has been starting a youtube channel doing howto's on everything we do. I noticed that when I was learning how to make candles the videos on youtube were pretty bad and didn't include alot of pretty valuable information that a beginner should know. The top video in candle making even says in the video "I won't show you exactly how I make these because I don't want you cutting into my sale" I told my daughter "we can make a better video than that!" So we did! We are now at 3000 subscribers and that how to make candles video just hit 100,000 views! We could not be happier about that.Last year we missed out on all of the local farmers markets just because we started too late to sign up. This year I jumped fast and I have the licenses needed and I am signed up for all the big ones. This year should be very nice for our business.Shameless plugs If I missed anything please let me know, I will try to answer everything.I hate to plug my stuff but just to show what we have been up too, here are the links to every thing mentioned above. IG profile with pictures of our first products till now. www.instagram.com/standleyhandcraftedOur channel www.youtube.com/standleyhandcraftedour website www.standleyhandcrafted.com

[topicprinter]

Before I begin, why we are doing this AMA:I was asked to write this post by a fellow dropshipper I met through Oberlo’s forums who bought a guide for almost $1000 and basically completely wasted their money. I just want to say that you should never ever ever buy expensive guides on how to make a millions of dollars drop shipping. It is a total scam. You don’t need to be told ‘pick a niche that nobody is in.’ We’ve read enough sad stories on /r/digitalnomad and /r/dropship to know people are getting cleaned from these stupid guides. We are going to respond to every single comment made in this thread for the next 30 days and hopefully thereafter and we’re going to do it for free.This is a throwaway account. I messaged the mods on /r/dropship a couple of weeks ago so that they can verify our sales for an AMA but have yet to receive a response. I am still happy to verify our sales if a mod messages or posts here. Until then, here is some light proof of our sales March - June: http://i.imgur.com/UX0sztj.pngNote to /r/entrepreneur mods, please let me know what I need to send for verification. We're happy to send any supporting documents you need to see.A little about our business:We are in a niche that nobody or nearly nobody is in. We’re not disclosing our site or our niche.We’ve never used a Facebook or Google ad, though we have tried other ad services more targeted towards our nicheReddit/Imgur marketing is responsible for 98%+ of our salesWe use Shopify to run our store and we exclusively use AliExpress to buy our goods.Marketing We are a team of two. Right off the bat we decided to try some ads, they didn’t go great. After tweaking the ads, we were able to break even. We decided to go with a different route and started marketing our site through Reddit and buy upvotes to get to the front page. We decided to go with a firm that also makes content for a reasonable price. There are sites the straight up sell Reddit upvotes, but the problem is that they are not immediate. With the firm we are able to tell them exactly when we are going to post. The first hour of the post is crucial, that is when the upvotes count the most so you want to get them on as fast as possible. On our very first campaign we knew this was the route to go. The post made it to the front page and we got over 1 million impressions along with 60k clicks. We were never able to repeat that success and now get between 5k-20k clicks per campaign. We started marketing on Imgur so that we could recycle some old campaigns with new people, it worked well. The click through rate is much higher on imgur but the conversion rate is much lower.Site Our site is simple, but clean. We put a lot of design time into it for what you see. It looks like a basic Shopify template because it is. Regardless, we put a lot of time into the descriptions, selecting photos, and product tags. Probably about an hour each. We keep only 50 products on the site, we don’t want to overwhelm people. We don’t have any tacky ‘spin for a discount’ pop-up on our site or anything resembling that.Customer Data We take our analytics seriously. What’s most important is to figure out what time of day your visitors are most likely to make a purchase, that way you aim your campaigns to be viral around that time. If you don’t have Google Analytics enabled, do so immediately. We pay for Shopify’s $300/month plan and get access to their custom reports which are also quite helpful for certain situations. Don’t sweat over your analytics if you only have a few dozen sales, they don’t mean much. Try marketing towards different subreddits and use very different post styles to find a sweet spot, then use that data to expand from there.Common MistakesAre you dropshipping something like watches, t-shirts, or sunglasses? All I can say is good luck. A million people have tried it and maybe a half-dozen have succeeded. Don’t dropship stupid shit that everybody else is also trying to sell. If you are dropshipping something super common and haven’t had success, I suggest you delete everything and start from scratch.Are you bending over backwards for your customers? Don’t. In our experience and many fellow dropshippers, profit is made from bringing in new customers, not repeat customers or word-of-mouth. You are going to drive all of your own traffic, people are going to barely talk about your site if at all. Don’t worry too much about your reputation. This doesn’t mean you should be rude to your customers. You should still be overbearingly nice, but don’t give people refunds if they put in the wrong address, didn’t like the product, didn’t know it was from China, etc. You are trying to make two people happy: yourself and your supplier, which leads me to my next pointAre you using a bunch of different suppliers? Don’t. Consolidate and make sure all of your products are coming from the same warehouse or two tops. This should be obvious. It saves shipping costs, it saves time, and all of your products arrive together for large orders. Also, the more you are buying from a supplier the more leeway you’ll have with them. For example, we can request our supplier stock any item and match the lowest price we can find for it because we are such a large percentage of their business. As your dropshipping business grows, you will be able to get suppliers to do pretty much anything for you.These are some of the absolute core basics I could think of off the top of my head. We can answer questions about shipping, affiliate links, software, money invested into campaigns, whatever you all want to hear about we're happy to oblige.Ask away.Edit: formatting and if you want us to take a look at some of your records, data, or something else, just attach it and send an email: eunsuhson@gmail.com