#the rant is speculation not about anon per se but about broader societal trends/pressures

[uncanny-tranny]

The one I call inevitable is like, chest dysphoria and voice dysphoria (which HRT and surgery have helped alleviate!) while the societal one is the idea that I must be lean and muscular to be masculine, that my soft, round tummy makes me less of a man. Gender affirming care can 100% help with the first one! The second one is maybe the one I need to work on myself. But yeah, the guilt is definitely there. I feel like I should be happy, and I feel ungrateful.

I totally get where you're coming from... like, it sucks living in a world that values solely your ability to conform properly, and I don't think you're ungrateful at all for feeling that pressure. It absolutely can help to work through those feelings, but I think part of it is a broader function of society, one that simultaneously forces you to conform effortlessly, and yet shames those who strive to achieve the standard or who cannot reach that standard easily. I think trans people are especially sensitive to that because of the added layer of our gender and livelihood being up for debate. I don't think it helps us to ignore that, and it's so important that you've recognized your feelings and how it is impacted by those factors. I know this is hard to internalize, but you are not ungrateful - you're a person. You are doing your best even if it doesn't "feel like it." And you are certainly not alone in your insecurities, or dysphoria, or whatever you are feeling