#the seeds are there and when they bloom they bloom.

[amurih]

Fuck it ima put it out anyway.

COTL AU where instead of staying in the cult Narinder leaves and builds his own little plot of land that becomes a rare occurrence you find while crusading through the different biomes post game.

Like it starts off when the lamb like spares Narinder and he’s like sent to the cult. And is in such a state of shock and bewilderment of what just happened that he doesn’t really know that the lamb is setting up their wedding until he’s at the alter. And he just SNAPS. To trade one prison for another? And to be stuck with the same being that not only took your crown, but your title as the god of death as your jailer? No thank you. Proceeds to walk out while the service is still going.

(I’m not the kind of person to think that he would be murdering or plotting to kill the lamb at every turn or possibly. No I would think that Narinder is smart enough to realize that he cannot fight the lamb in the condition that he is reduced to.)

Anyway, I want Narinder to experience life post-godhood by himself outside the cult. Maybe progressing over time you see how his plot of land develops into a pretty nice home for himself complete with a garden and an actual building/house. Not a hut, but an actual house.

All the while the lamb is going through it. It’s normal game play like one would post Narinder fight. Lore, upgrades, reviving the bishops, mystic seller, etc. All the while experiencing the highs and lows of ascension. I think the lamb would ask the other bishops once they get indoctrinated of how they went through their ascensions went. Only they would tell them that each went through theirs differently, so in the end it wasn’t really helpful.

So going through a process that you have no idea how to get through and the only person who does has fuck off into the land and hates your guts. Really fucking sucks man. So they try to “catch” Narinder while out crusading. Only they don’t find him physically, they find his place of residence while he is away.

I thought of a way to incorporate the quests that Narinder gives you when he is usually established in the cult. Could still be used: like there’s a book left on a table where you could peak in and see what’s going on with the cat that is currently away from his house.

“ I should head to Darkwoods and see if I can find more materials to build that fence and make more paper. Moving materials from one abandon home stead to this place has been challenging enough. My arms hurt after years of being bound to one position for so long...I wonder if camellias still bloom there now that Leshy is gone? If not I’ll have to develop a new alternative for this persistent strain and sharp pains I keep having. Got to get these walls up before it starts raining.”

“Bah! There’s not enough food at the last abandoned settlement let alone seeds. It’ll take long of a walk all the way to smuggler’s cove just to see if that sea louse got any thing. And it hasn’t been that long since the depletion of fish at pilgrim’s passage. I would have just stuck to what vegetables and berries I’ve got growing, but some animal or heratic keeps getting into my garden and stealing my food!when I find the person or thing that is stealing from me I’m going to make them into my fertilizer. In the meantime I should look into Anura and see if those foul mushrooms are still there. If I remember they are just as foul as Hecket when she would screamed about being hungry during dinner…Those should hold me over until I get this unwanted pest under control.”

“The wind and rain coming in through the holes on the side of the house that I use to see if any heretics come to kill me, has gotten too much. I’m tired of having to clean up the puddles of water that enters the home. And the curtains don’t do much in terms of trying to block both of these elements.That stupid squid Kallamar doesn’t need his crystals now that he’s gone. It didn’t help him when trying to hide from me. I’ll go to Anchordeep tomorrow and get some to make crystal windows. They sure would make it more beautiful than their temple…”

“Finally the loom is ready. It’s been a such a long time since I had decent robes. It’s easy to find cotton, but what I really want is a nice, soft, silk robe. One that doesn’t rub against these scars preferably. I miss the old one Shamura they made with their silk. But, that one got destroyed in the fight with that damn vessel. Maybe there is some in Silk Cradle. ”

(I’ll come back to this when I flesh it out more via work time daydreams)

[littlekohai77]

"𝐾𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑂𝑓 𝑀𝑦 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡"

(William Rex NSFW alphabet)

𝙷𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚗𝚎𝚐𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚜𝚔𝚜.

🅆🄰🅁🄽🄸🄽🄶🅂: heavy discussion of pregnancy and lack of safety, probably ooc, discussion of his worries, really just a big ass ramble, op is delusional.

*･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*

🅰--> 🅰🅵🆃🅴🆁🅲🅰🆁🅴:

The best you could ask for. Literally. He is the king of aftercare.

He doesn't go very hard on you as he's very mindful of his actions, but he still takes really good care of you. From giving you a massage to preparing a bath for you.

He doesn't even ask the maids to do anything, he does most himself. Because he likes taking care of you and how close that makes you two. He absolutely adores the giddy yet tired smile you give him every time. It melts his heart in a way words can't explain. He also loves joining you in the bath and washing your body and hair for you. Insists that you should relax until you give up. Might get a bit handsy when washing you body, but it's just sensual squeezes to your sides and nothing more.

🅱--> 🅱🅾🅳🆈 🅿🅰🆁🆃:

His favorite body part on himself is probably his entire Phonatory system. The thing that allows him to use his powers. Powers that have brought him pain but also opportunities to enact justice.

On you, he likes your eyes the most

He adores how expressive they are. How they fail to hide any and every emotion that you're feeling.

🅲--> 🅲🆄🅼:

Okay so... He never really talks about it.. Not out right at least. But there are signs. You can kind of tell that he's really fond of children. Especially from the way his eyes soften when you're cradling a baby in your arms, cooing at them and rocking them gently. It touches a deep spot in his heart and blooms warmth all throughout him.

But he knows.... He's meant to have a tragic fate.... One that he has composed himself enough to welcome with open arms.... A chaotic end... One so horrifying and cruel... He wants to end it all with a blast to say the least.

But the thing is, he doesn't know when it's coming, just that it will come. And that information.. . That scares him.

He doesn't want to die early and leave you with all the responsibilities of raising your children.

But what if he lives long enough till his face has worn down with wrinkles from the scars of time. What if.. . What if, he lives long enough to see his children grow.. .

But then there's another factor, he has enemies like an unkempt garden with weeds. They keep on spawning and will continue to do so. How will you two handle the pressure? Can he ensure to himself that he's capable of keeping everyone safe? Can he ensure that your mental stability won't crumble if...

And so he always avoids releasing inside of you. Commonly undoing himself on your stomach, thighs or back.

He knows he shouldn't and that's why he doesn't but oh does his heart clench with desire to do so.

Which is why, sometimes he slips and losses composure, fading in and out of consciousness as he releases inside you. He's immensely pleased yet also horrified. You guys haven't spoke about it and although he's sure from his observations that you wouldn't mind having a mini you running around, his previous worries still lay dormant. So he prays to whatever deity might be listening that the seed doesn't take.

🅳--> 🅳🅸🆁🆃🆈 🆂🅴🅲🆁🅴🆃:

Has sniffed your undergarments when jerking off more than once. This was after you guys got physical though. He respects you enough to not do these indecent things before you two have become comfortable with each other's bodies.

🅴--> 🅴🆇🅿🅴🆁🅸🅴🅽🅲🅴:

He has a lot of experience. Not because he's a womanizer though.

The thing is, he comes off as someone with a lot of experience due to his extensive knowledge, confident attitude and sense of knowing how to act. But you're definitely not his first.

🅵--> 🅵🅰🆅🅾🆁🅸🆃🅴 🅿🅾🆂🅸🆃🅸🅾🅽:

Probably cowgirl. Or just about anything where he can see your face.

The reason he likes cowgirl is because, he can tease and rile you up into taking control. Which reveals a new side of you to him.

And if your thighs grow weak, he can always grab onto your hips and thrust up into you.

🅶--> 🅶🅾🅾🅵🆈:

He's more romantic than serious and he can also be quite teasing during these times. So if he notices your mood being tense, he might crack quite a few jokes that are so funny you're literally laughing one moment and then moaning the next. And it's not even that good of a joke, it's literally those simple jokes but there's something about the way he delivers them that cracks you up.

He likes when you moan in between your fits of laughter. He finds it greatly endearing.

🅷--> 🅷🅰🅸🆁:

Not completely shaved, he doesn't like how prickly it gets and doesn't want those rough follicles to hurt your soft pillowy folds

Not a completely unkempt bush either, he doesn't like the feeling of it.

Regularly trimmed and groomed. He takes good care of himself.

🅸--> 🅸🅽🆃🅸🅼🅰🅲🆈:

The intimacy is through the roof. He's such a romantic. Kissing your eyelids. Running his fingers down your back. Squeezing your tender flesh. Showering your collarbones with hickeys. Sucking on the flesh and nibbling on it til you give out a whimper. And then drawing out his tongue to soothe the location of the assault.

🅹--> 🅹🅰🅲🅺 🅾🅵🅵:

Not that often. Without you around or thoughts of you in his head, his horniness takes a deep dive downwards.

But we're speaking of when he gets pussy three days a week.

Leave him dry for four-five weeks and he'll be spending almost every hour thinking of you. Which will eventually get to him and he'll succumb to jacking off to thoughts of you five days a week.

It's not that he's ashamed of it, no he enjoys it. It's just that he doesn't quite find the drive or need to do it most of the time.

🅺--> 🅺🅸🅽🅺🆂:

Pet play but it's more so of him not even ordering you around and just doting on you while you reciprocate his worship as he calls you his little doll, flower etc. So… name calling to be frank?

Name calling but it's when he's on edge and overcome with the need to prove a point to you. Still doesn't order you around but does fuck you ruthlessly until you're quivering from how good it feels. During this time, he takes a bit of a more degrading tone.

Breeding kink. Restrains himself from doing that though.

Blindfolds. Finds it exciting how much more reactive and sensitive you are when your vision is blocked and the only senses you can rely on are touch and sound.

Overstimulation. He doesn't mean to hurt you but sometimes he just gets so mesmerized by your reactions, your quivering thighs, the way you weep ‘sto-op! Please-ah!’ And yet pull him in by locking your ankles behind his back. He gets so addicted and ahead of himself that he forgets that you need rest. Would snap out of it the moment you utter your safe word though.

Edging. He likes it because of how many interesting noises and reactions it pulls out of you. By depriving you of release again and again he gets to bask in your desperation as tears roll down your flushed cheeks with your thighs quivering as you pull your weeping little cunny up and down his cock.

Hand holding. He doesn't know why, he just lives for the intimacy it brings. It also helps him sense if he's being too rough.

Food play. He loves food, he loves you, why not combine the two? Likes to lick whipped cream off your chest and back, knowing just how sensitive you are in those places.

Nipple play. He likes them. Soft and squishy one moment, hard and perky other. He loves to graze his fangs over them.

🅻--> 🅻🅾🅲🅰🆃🅸🅾🅽:

Anywhere.

Okay maybe not out in broad daylight at the town square but he's completely up for semi public places. He's surprisingly jealous and possessive. So he absolutely loves to make those nasty nobles hear just how good he makes you feel and that he's the only one who can make you feel this way.

Totally okay with only doing it in bedrooms if you enjoy privacy though.

🅼--> 🅼🅾🆃🅸🆅🅰🆃🅸🅾🅽:

When you touch his thigh, when you dote on him, when you look him in the eyes with adoration and confess your love to him, when you're so flustered that your face is burning up and you can't even look him in the eyes, when you wear a revealing dress that accentuates your chest.

🅽--> 🅽🅾:

He isn't going to order you around. Not in a million years, not when you're having rough hate sex, just never.

He understands the gravity of what it's like being under his command. And he has a pretty good guess that you'd feel absolutely betrayed... Even if you said you wanted it.... He deeply fears that one day he'll get so accustomed to it that he'll start using it outside of your nightly activities. That he might feel the need to control your actions and get frustrated when you don't do as he wants... And then let it all slip.

He remembers the look of utter terror on your visage the first time he used his powers on you... The night you first met...

He never wants to see that face ever again. Not because of him. Not because of anything in this world.

He remembers how weary you were of him, how long it took for you to warm up and have faith in him. He praises you for being cautious but God does he never want to go back to that. Never wants to see you retract your hand or look into his eyes with fear in yours.

🅾--> 🅾🆁🅰🅻:

You're getting it the most. He just prefers it that way. He loves to pamper you and he's quite sure it hurts to take all of him.

Along with that, he loves to observe and note your reactions to him. He wonders if you'll get shy this time. Would you cover your eyes with your forearm again? Would you be more embarrassed if he was doing this in a room adjacent to the ballroom during a party?

He allows you to give him head, mostly because he's intrigued and wants to see that desperate sheen in your eyes as you try not to gag and push more of him inside your mouth. He lightly strokes and plays with your hair as you do it. Clutching it roughly just as he climaxes.

🅿--> 🅿🅰🅲🅴:

Mostly slow when he's being romantic.

Painfully slow and rolling his hips when he's being teasing.

Erratically fast and deep when he's enraged.

🆀--> 🆀🆄🅸🅲🅺🅸🅴:

Unless he's not had an opportunity to touch you in weeks, is in the middle of an important mission and can't seem to get your sweet pussy off his mind, he won't resort to a quickie. He likes to take his time with you. He's an observer, he loves to see your reactions and a quickie is way too little time to enjoy them which leaves him unsatisfied.

Would do it as often as you like if you prefer it though. Just know that he'll be especially hungry for you the next time he gets to put his hands of you.

🆁--> 🆁🅸🆂🅺:

Willing to take a lot of risks, mostly because he knows he can simply wipe their memory by ordering them to forget what they saw and heard.

So it only depends on how much risk you want to take.

🆂--> 🆂🆃🅰🅼🅸🅽🅰:

Could probably go for 2-3 rounds when he's being slow and romantic. 3-5 when he's being a tease. 4-5 when he's being rough. 7-8 when he's pissed off.

🆃--> 🆃🅾🆈🆂:

Girl it's the Victorian era.

While vibrators can't be found, dildos do exist.

He likes to use them to tease or punish you. Making you keep it inside the entire day or the whole dinner while lightly caressing your thighs.

Also teases and rails you with it during sex, using that time to regain strength.

🆄--> 🆄🅽🅵🅰🅸🆁:

(This is hard ngl.)

He's such a tease. If you want pleasure, he'll make you spell it out for him. But don't worry, he'll still give you what you want despite you failing. He holds it out a little longer each time though to inject a sense of panic into you. Make you think what if he doesn't let you cum this time?

He legit asks the most philosophical questions known to mankind in the middle of fucking you into the mattress. He cackles when you blabber and mumble out your response. So incoherent. So adorable.

This can't be said for when he's jealous though. As he's prone to fucking you to unconsciousness if that's what it takes to drill it into your head that he's the only one capable of making you feel that good. (Would still stop though if you cried or said your safe word)

🆅--> 🆅🅾🅻🆄🅼🅴:

He's not afraid of being loud. Just that his moans are simply not like that. His leans more towards breathy and whispery. And that's why it doesn't make that much sound. And when he releases, it's a deep groan or a silent scream.

He likes it that way though, as that allows him to fully be able to hear your moans.

🆆--> 🆆🅸🅻🅳 🅲🅰🆁🅳:

Would share you with Victor. But only if you want to.

Would let you peg him. Even if just once, he just wants to experience how you act when you do it to him. Are you domineering? Are you sweet? Are you teasing? Would you also rub his cockhead while thrusting into him?

He likes to make you wear collars. He likes this sense of ownership.

🆇--> 🆇-🆁🅰🆈:

Probably 6.5-7.5 inches. Possibly the only thing he's ever been most insecure about. Cause you know, in times like the Victorian era, large penises were a sign of lack of intelligence.

🆈--> 🆈🅴🅰🆁🅽🅸🅽🅶:

Not that much tbh, lower than expected, a bit more than average. He's more preoccupied with being overwhelmed with love for you, observing you, adoring you, appreciating you and wanting to squish you cause you're just that freaking cute than wanting to bully your pussy.

But he does get hot and bothered whenever you're just being too adorable and flustered.

🆉--> 🆉🆉🆉🆉🆉:

He generally has a hard time falling asleep, so he naturally stays up even after you've dozed off. Tries to fall asleep with you but if it doesn't work, he might go play the piano for a bit or take a stroll in the garden or maybe even read a book with you in his arms.

*･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*

𝙰𝚕𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝... 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞. :)

[airgiodslv]

how about something inspired by the wing outfit? for @arewedoneyet

It's nearly sunset when the man in the military uniform comes down from the house.

You think later that he's been watching you for a while. Longer than a day, even. He stops beneath your tree and puts his hands on his hips, looking up at where you perch in the high branches.

"You're one of his," he says. "Sunshine's. I can tell."

"How?" you ask. You're curious about everything. Your voice is a hoarse croak you can't remember hearing before.

His smile is grim. "Because Sunshine likes to play god, but he isn’t one. Everything he creates comes back a little bit wrong."

You bristle and hunch your back, so your feathers puff up to make you look larger.

"Has he named you yet?" he asks. You don't reply, afraid of your own rough voice. He smiles again and says, "Then I'll call you Icarus."

There’s a boy sleeping under a tree near yours. You call down to him a few times, but he doesn’t wake. There are cuts on his hands and face. They’re the only parts of him that are still exposed. Flowers and vines have covered the rest of him.

You hope he’s only asleep.

You’ve been watching the distant house with interest. A truck came to make a delivery. There was a wooden box inside like a coffin.

The man in the uniform comes back after a few days. When he reaches the sleeping boy’s tree, you shout a warning.

He shakes his head and stands under your tree to look up at you again. “I’m not going to hurt him. He’s one of Rain’s, and I don’t have any quarrel with Rain. My fight is with Sunshine.”

“Why?” you rasp.

“I believe in science and progress. Sometimes that means experimentation, but not the way Sunshine does it. Sometimes it means war.”

He looks back at the house, or maybe at the barn, where the men in the truck took the coffin.

“I have to go. I have a shuttle to catch. Up there, to the stars.” He points toward the sky, then offers you a mocking salute. “I’ll see you when you learn to fly, Icarus.”

There’s another man at the house now. He’s warm and brown from the sun. He comes out sometimes to chop wood and ride down the dirt road. Dust rises up in clouds behind his horse, like the plumes of steam you saw on the horizon when the rocket launched.

He plants seeds for crops and new trees. He kneels by the sleeping boy’s tree to plant new flowers around him. The sleeping boy still hasn’t woken. You can barely see him now, hidden behind the blooms.

In the early morning, you’re woken from a doze by an impact that jars you all the way to your bones. The man stands at the trunk of your tree. He yanks his axe out of the wood and hefts it to swing again.

You scream at him, rough and panicked. He startles, gripping the axe in both hands and taking a step back. When he sees you restlessly shifting your weight and rustling the leaves, he relaxes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. My wife asked me to cut down this tree for firewood. She must not have known you were here.”

You’ve seen the curtains move upstairs in the house. You’ve felt eyes watching you, just as you watch the house.

You think she knew you were here.

There’s been a long drought, but clouds finally gather, rolling in from where you saw the rocket launch. The sky opens and rain pours down.

You shake out your feathers and hunch under the canopy to wait out the storm. It rains into the night, drenching you and the trees alike, all the way until dawn.

When the sun rises and the sky clears, the sleeping boy under the tree is gone.

A man with shining hair and bright, dark eyes dances through the moonlight to your tree. His movements are graceful one moment and disjointed the next, skipping and spinning between the trees until he faces you with a wide smile.

“Come down, come down,” he croons. His fingers curl slowly in the air, beckoning. “Have you learned to fly yet, little bird?”

It’s the first time you’ve left the tree. You descend, clumsily at first, gaining confidence by the time your feet touch the ground. You tuck your head to preen.

“Have you met him?” he asks. “Does he know everything you are?”

“He called me Icarus,” you say.

Sunshine laughs and reaches out for you with both hands. He cups your face to gaze at you. His lips are cool when he tastes you. His tongue curls the way his fingers had, teasing.

“We’ll see about that,” he sings. “We’ll see who falls from the sky: his planes and shuttles and war machines, or you. We’ll see who flies.”

The men come again with the truck. They take away the man who plants seeds. He fights them, but not well. He moves like you do, like Sunshine had, tentative and newborn.

There are no more new trees, no more flowers. The house is very quiet.

“Why?” you growl when the man in the uniform finally returns. You have too many questions to fit them into more than that one word.

He gazes up at you for a long time before answering. “Because the experiment was over. Because two of you in one place are dangerous. Because it was time.”

There’s a glass with brown liquid in the man’s hand. He takes a long drink. You don’t think it was his first one.

“Because Sunshine made you for a reason,” he says finally. “And I believe it was to destroy me.”

[caramellody]

Hmm...... Nikei Yomiuri? For bingo?

haha bingo babyyyy.

the absolute SPEED that nikei came and took over my life is almost staggering and sudden i didnt expected and yet here we are

[geopsych]

I planted thunbergia seeds in three containers along the porch railing and they’re really just starting to bloom in numbers now.

[betweenblackberrybranches]

Hi hi Berry, I hope you're doing well!! 💖💖

Here's a nice field of dandelions at dusk for you!

Hii

I love dandelions so much<3333

They are so very pretty thank you💕💕

Am doing egh but it be like that but you all being so nice defintely making it better<3

[sigurism]

I miss sharing my LOVE for these four. I extend that same love to those who made it impossible for me.

And the heart-warming flip side to this ugly outcome?

I will say that the fandom for my man Luca Marinelli has been the most true, the most loyal, the most respectful group of people I have ever encountered in all of my time here and it's been quite a while. I have gone through many fandoms and this one tops them all. Sometimes I'm completely in awe at the levels of respect this whole fandom gets into.

Hand to heart, thank you to the fans of Luca. He is truly blessed to have such incredible people behind him, supporting his work. He would be proud.

American Gods... or should I say fans for my Mad Love, you may just be second to none. You have actually appreciated my contributions to your MADdeningly sexy and wondrous Sweeney fandom and I have gotten the most loveliest feedback and gained the most wonderfullest of fans. Pablo, you have the best of the best on your side.

At least I ended this on a good note. I think.

[dilfslayer1080p]

Been snapping pics every time this shit blooms and I can't wrap my head around how fast the colour changes. How the fuck is it blue in the morning and pink when it dies hours later? Very gender of it.

[croc-odette]

reminder for southern california that now is a wonderful time to buy some native wildflower seeds and to throw them somewhere in your yard (where nobody uses herbicide or pesticide) so that you'll have flowers in the spring... (lupine, desert bluebell, elegant clarkia, etc). if you throw them on wet soil and tamp or rake them down so they stick to the dirt, and do it right before a solid pattern of weekly rain and cool weather, you probably won't have to water them!

[cornerful]

'It is fortunate that I could find it, for it is a healing plant that the Men of the West brought to Middle-earth. Athelas they named it, and it grows now sparsely and only near places where they dwelt or camped of old...'

Aaaaaaah the theme of certain flora growing in certain places, specifically in relation to people and their activities

This is gonna be very prevalent and I don't have any very articulate thoughts about it right now... but I have a gardener's heart and I just love it

[last-answer]

hanadoll will forever be funny to me bc like. wdym these idol boys went under a scientific experiment to become the "perfect" idols. huh what

[jemichi90]

Me and my mother have really gotten into windowsill gardening this year - mostly because of the ever rising cost of food. But I also planted something that’s special to me for another reason. These three were red geranium seeds that I planted exactly one month ago. The photo on the left is from before my trip, and on the right it’s after the trip - just a bit over a week later. I planted three seeds just because I wasn’t sure if they’d all sprout, but they did. The small one was unlucky and had some trouble. I wasn’t sure if it would survive (which made me realize how fitting it is that three of them sprouted), but after some support it’s still growing - even if slowly.

They’ve all come a long way from this:

[incendiorum-arch]

you know, io is remarkably better about certain things than they used to be (specifically relationships, even if they still fumble it every once in a while or pick stupid fights) but there's so many places where io really is just... not better. they got so much more paranoid over the centuries, to the point now where if it's particularly bad it will ruin the entire day.

[d0vegum]

WHERE THE CMC TRYING TO MURDER BABS ??????

[vagueiish]

if anyone has any examples of 30-something+ near/full NEETs eventually doing something worthwhile with their lives, that'd be greatly appreciated

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:

vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)

which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.

luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.

why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.

vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.

then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.

which then require months of further specialized treatment.

the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage

vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.

the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!

it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!

which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s

Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.

today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar

if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!

in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!

(src)