#the start of my zine bookmark obsession

[softcenteregg]

I'm so excited to be able to show the full versions of the bookmarks and heart pin badges that I worked on for @corazine which I'm thrilled to have been part of. Our aftersales are currently open if you are looking to get your paws on this beautiful tribute to Corazon.

[sakuatsu]

Started to caught up with haikyuu just now, fell RIDICULOUS HARD for sakuatsu and now my readings only vary from school essays to everything on your fic rec list,, I'm actually sad abt finishing it even if I just started LOL ur taste is just 😙👌 so yeah congrats on having the best tumblr blog ever (as elected by me, falling harder into my sakuatsu obsession). Kinda would like to ask if there's any must see/read fics/art u would recommend for a newbie like me! I trust ur judgment too much lmao.

anon i hope you know how ridiculously happy it made me to know that you trust my taste ;__; i will add some more just for you. you are too sweet. it’s incredibly easy to make me do things if you are nice to me OTL 

i’m going to put this under a cut because…this is going to get long. i have many sakuatsu thoughts, unfortunately. get them out of my brain please

sakuatsu fic, author, artist, art recs ^-^ this is by no means an absolute masterlist, i drafted this at 1am and scheduled it for like 10am and this is completely determined by my personal preference because i am just a human with a lot of enthusiasm for my interests. also this will be sfw 

casual plug, i’m helping run a sakuatsu zine @sayforinstancezine​ 💫 i’m really excited about this project and this creative team :’) if you want more sakuatsu content, please consider supporting us! our contributor list will be coming out soon ✨ we’ll be featuring sakuatsu art and writing!  

extra fic recs

check out my original fic rec list and the first couple pages of the sakuatsu tag sorted by kudos first though. this isn’t too long because i haven’t been reading fic as much recently due to Life (but i can run through what’s in my tabs atm if anyone is interested?) these are sort of off the top of my head/bookmarks

cyclostationary by catalysis (3.2k, T) 

So, Atsumu’s wrong. Winters in Osaka are much colder than winters in Hyogo ever were.

between the cracks, where you belong by awkwardedgeworth (1.9k, T)

On court, Miya Atsumu doesn't belong to him. As setter, he is owned by anyone and everyone. He belongs to Foster, their dietitian, the PR team, Hinata, the blockers, the spikers and also to Sakusa.

When Sakusa jolts awake from the train ride, he sees rice paddies faraway and remembers that Atsumu also used to belong to someone else entirely.

Sakusa watches Atsumu from Kita's engawa, nibbling on a watermelon while the two former captains of Inarizaki are plucking Kita's singular plum tree, the branches heavy and drooping.

post olympics, sakusa reflects on atsumu as they visit their families.

my universe in all its glory by wheelspokes (2.8k, T)

At sixteen, Kiyoomi devotes himself to routine by drafting his life plan and forgets to account for Miya Atsumu ruining every prediction he's ever had.

one life, one encounter by bastigod (5.7k, G) 

It is a sin to tell a lie to your fellow man, but it is a greater sin to lie to yourself.

a tender perennial by astroeulogy (note: this was originally written/published pre-sakukomo cousins reveal, but it has been rewritten in iizuna pov. i will link to the rewrite in chapter 2) 

But the truth—the harshest and simplest truth, the truth Hanahaki taught him first and foremost—is that the world isn’t kind or unkind. It simply is. And to thrive, all anyone can do is grow around it.

author recs

these writers all have fairly sizeable sakuatsu tags in their works and i highly recommend just about everything they write (this isn’t in any particular order but i hope you have fun) 

astroeulogy, awkwardedgeworth, hhatsuna, bastigod, wheelspokes, DeathBelle, wordstruck, pseudoanalytics, volchitsae

artist recs

i did a sakuatsu tumblr artists + twitter artists in another ask so i’ll just link to that because i am tired

throttlee, who asked the question, is also a phenomenal artist, so please check them out and support their beautiful work !!!

art recs 

a good chunk are in my tumblr #fave tag, but i’ll pull some highlights out

“abcs with sakuatsu”: https://adooboo.tumblr.com/post/632833079364452352/

“but i’m not done yet falling for your fool’s gold”: https://hawberries.tumblr.com/post/632369842730811392

“frowning at each other”: https://throttlee.tumblr.com/post/630719483291615232

“a day off they spent together.” https://milubee.tumblr.com/post/630613629334601728/

“assholes to lovers”: https://hawberries.tumblr.com/post/630146267124776960 

“late noon”: https://zoabab.tumblr.com/post/624770344658567168/

volleyball monthly: https://newttxt.tumblr.com/post/623637969607213056/

evening street: https://bentomi.tumblr.com/post/615373666990063616

“sakusa: sorry miya if this looks gay to the viewers”: https://newttxt.tumblr.com/post/626209583467216896/

here’s some from my recent twitter bookmarks

msby alternate uniforms: https://twitter.com/dalla_nebbia/status/1325822957709651968?s=20

sakuatsu domestic cleaning: https://twitter.com/chanchaonanu/status/1306279458412748806?s=20

fake sakuatsu haikyuu manga cover: https://twitter.com/anta_baka00/status/1324412655629602816?s=20

sakusa and a dog (not sakuatsu but it’s excellent): https://twitter.com/saJohnnyApple/status/1323671844164001792?s=20

major character death sakuatsu comic (cw vehicular accidents + drowning): https://twitter.com/anta_baka00/status/1322795172636209152?s=20

a fun little animation from the light novel cover: https://twitter.com/OM1KUN/status/1321293528765530112?s=20

“intimacy”: https://twitter.com/creamryn/status/1318972385828233217?s=20

mermaid sakuatsu: https://twitter.com/Bi_sidka/status/1318164389069877248?s=20

“your lips, my lips, apocalypse”: https://twitter.com/anta_baka00/status/1309483293713166338?s=20

atsumu blep: https://twitter.com/_impepper/status/1302550681320976385?s=20  

hope you found that helpful !! thanks for trusting me with your introduction to this disaster duo  

[hailqiqi]

2019 Fic Round-Up

Writer buddies, let’s do this (as in, if you haven’t yet, do yours too!)

Stats:

(I’m going with a random quote from each one because I’m a fan of long summaries.)

Fics Posted (Gen): 3

A Little Taste of What Should Have Been

And that was how Pidge found herself kneeling sideways on the couch, face inches away from Lance’s shoulder as he disinfected first two sewing needles and then the earrings with a professional air.

Wriggle, Jiggle, Bake!

“Okay, so you’ve been magically de-aged — because apparently that’s a thing. Why is that a thing? Whatever. Of course it’s a thing out here."

Here

“Don’t make it weird, Lance,” she huffed, already tugging him into the room and closing the door behind them. “C’mon. I’ll help you wash all that off.”

Fics Posted (Plance Oneshots): 7

2 x 100 word drabbles

(Domestic Fantasy & Kabedon)

The Advantages of Being Small

“I couldn’t help it! It was just too tempting!”

Untangle to Wait, Unravel to See

Of course a fortune teller would appear as soon as he started talking about one. They were on a magical world with magical aliens and Lance was like, the hero of the story, so it made sense that events would be tied to his dialogue. Most importantly, it was not creepy at all, and anyone who said Lance was creeped out could go suck it.

the world is out there, my dear, but we're in here

Pidge froze. The reaction was so subtle that Lance would have missed it if he hadn't been watching for it -- she relaxed herself almost immediately, eyebrows raised in casual challenge -- but she'd reacted, all the same.

so it turns out I kinda missed you

Grumbling, Lance crossed his arms and sunk back into his seat. “I could’ve come to get her on my own, you know.” “Yeah, but then you wouldn’t be able to make out in the back seat on the way home.”

The Stars Aren't the Same for You and I

Dancing with Pidge was fun.

Fics Posted (Plance Chaptered): 2 (1.5?)

Skirting Katabasis

"So... Do you think you could put it back together?" Pidge tilted the tablet towards her and looked at him hard. His expression was hesitant, but his eyes were soft...almost pleading. She smirked. "Who do you think I am, Keith?”

The Future in Snippets (Chapters 3-5)

In truth, she had no idea what was fine. Her brain had switched off several heartbeats ago, but she couldn’t really find it in herself to care.

Fics Posted (Plance Collabs): 2

Smack, Kiss, Fall in Love (even chapters)

The prince doesn’t ignore the princess for the nerdy sidekick. Even if that sidekick was a badass fighter who’d saved his life countless times. Or a genius who constantly left his head spinning. Or totally into the same video games that defined Lance’s childhood, and the owner of a smile so blinding it made the stars look dim.

(shoutout to @sp4c3-0ddity​, my co-conspirator who made Pidge’s star so bright!)

It's Beginning to Look a Lot like A Christmas Carol  (Prologue & Chap 1)

“An intervention?” “Sure. Have you ever seen A Christmas Carol?” His mind freezes. “You mean the Dickens book?” “Uh…” Keith’s dad trails off, blinking. “No, the movie. With the little green man? I think they made a version with the grouchy duck, too.”

(shoutout to the awesome @rueitae​ and @sp4c3-0ddity​ who brought both the crack and the tears essential items for any Christmas party all we’re missing is the food fight and divorce)

Total Fics Posted: 14

Oooh wow. That’s more than one a month!

 Ship/Character Breakdown:

Ship Breakdown: Plance, with over 75%

[colleen image]

Character Breakdown: Pidge and Lance are in 100% of my fics. Hunk is next in 5 (with 1 POV!), then Keith and Allura both get 3 (both even get POV parts and Keith’s a major focus in Skirting Katabasis), then Shiro, Coran and Lance/Pidge’s families are more bit players.

I only just realized that the chapter in Smack, Kiss, Fall in Love is the only time I’ve really written Shiro. And now I’m horrified because Shiro was my first love.

Characters that had the Main Focus: 6 +1 Lance POV, 4+2 Pidge POV, 2 Switching POV fics and then the drabbles don’t count.  I actually started out the year tearing my hair out because I related to Pidge so much more, but now I really enjoy writing Lance. It’s actually a little tricky to get into Pidge’s headspace to work on my chaptereds sometimes.

Specifics

 Best/Worst Title?

Best Skirting Katabasis. C’mon. That’s like, literary (Katabasis being hell or destruction in Greek mythos). Worst Untangle to Wait, Unravel to See. I had help with it but this fic was just so hard to name.

Best/worst last line?

Best I tend to structure my chapters/one-shots around the last line so…this is hard.

"What took you so long? I've been waiting for you."

(Untangle to Wait, Unravel to See)

My personal favourite, though, is from so it turns out I kinda missed you:

Luis laughed. “Hi, Not-My-Girlfriend. I’m Not-His-Brother, Luis.”

Worst

Hunk just laughed. “You can’t fix that right now, so you might as well have some fun!”

(Wriggle, Jiggle, Bake!) So cheesey.

The last line that gives me personal arghs is from Here:

He buried his face in her sodden hair and cried.

...because a day after posting I realised that I should’ve written wept, dammit, and now it annoys me every time I see it.

Honourable mention to The Advantages of Being Small for winning the no-context award:

“Reckon I could fit three fingers up there?”

 General Questions

 Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

Way more than I thought!  I think I had planned out about 8? Of those I wrote two (zine fics), started but haven’t finished 2, and the other 4 are still pending.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

None, my obsessions are long-lasting and constant.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Skirting Katabasis or It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like A Christmas Carol. Though TBH I enjoy re-reading most of the stuff I posted in the last 6 months.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

In every single metric on AO3 it’s The Future in Snippets. Y’all like your porn (even if there’s not much of it).

On tumblr it’s Wriggle, Jiggle, Bake! by like 100 notes.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

If this is a roundabout way of saying ‘What’s your LEAST popular story?’ it’s The Advantages of Being Small, but TBH that’s a very short crack-ficlet so it doesn’t bother me (same with the drabbles).

If the question is “What fic do you think people should like MORE?” the answer is Skirting Katabasis. It’s fifth on the list for bookmarks and 9th for Kudos, and I’m not sure why?? Does it sound too gen? Do you not like Platonic Adventure Kidge? Honestly y’all are missing out it’s like the best thing I’ve ever written. Hands down.

Story that could have been better?

The Future in Snippets. Hands down. It was started on a whim, as a practice fic for another idea I’ve been nurturing for even longer, and back when I was newer at this writing thing. It wasn’t very tightly plotted – in fact the plot was expanded upon and changed multiple times before I settled on what I have now, several chapters in – and certain things that should have been seeded were left out of earlier chapters because I wasn’t experienced enough to figure out how to work them in and foolishly thought ‘oh, it won’t matter! Such a small detail!’, so now I’m scratching my head trying to figure out how to compensate.

I tend to work off very tight outlines, but Snippets was missing that for a large part of the process and I think it shows. I do think I’ve done a good job nailing the emotion in it, though, and that’s like 95% of the fic so as long as I keep that up it’ll all be fine.

Sexiest story?

The Future in Snippets is smut so… First place for SFW sexy goes to the world is out there, my dear, but we’re in here.

Saddest story?

I think The Stars Aren’t the Same for You and I wins because it’s a heartbreaking situation with no good resolution. There’s no comfort to be found there.

Most fun?

A Little Taste of What Should Have Been. It’s just…fun!

The most fun I had writing was Smack, Kiss, Fall in Love, because it was challenging, and I’d wake up every day excited to find out what had happened in the last chapter overnight.

Story with single sweetest moment?

The Future in Snippets (Chapter 4) 

“Um…” She turned the brush in her hands over again before holding it up sheepishly. “Do you remember how you said you’d braid my hair?”

Lance’s whole face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Really?!”

A giggle escaped her lips and she smiled, nodding. “Really.”

Hardest story to write?

The Future in Snippets. The emotions in this fic have become a convoluted mess and it is growing exponentially harder to write as I continue. I simply don’t have the level of skill required, but by God I will find it so that I can finish it properly.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

Skirting Katabasis!  The outline for this fic is tight, and I freaking love writing this fic. Like I just feel like smiling the whole process. I don’t know why. It feels like the wrong answer because it’s a fairly involved fic, but I just enjoy everything about it.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

Smack, Kiss, Fall in Love actually gave me a much better understanding of Lance. Skirting Katabasis made me really look at Keith and realise that hey – the dude is actually very emotional, very chatty, and very soft (he’s so often typecast as the ‘moody loner’ because that’s what they call him in the show but he really doesn’t act like that).

Most overdue story?

Uh. The Future in Snippets was originally scheduled to be finished in January 2018, so… I also have a soulmate WIP which was meant to be for V-Day 2018.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I started to play about with other POVs, and discovered that I can write other POVs? I also did two collabs!  The first one I discovered that Reem really is a sweetheart, and with the second I discovered that either I’m really bossy or really persuasive or both maybe I should go into politics.

I also did a couple of events and zines and exchanges. I discovered that piece-writing – like writing with a target/deadline/outside expectation – does not agree with me, and I will no longer sign up for events/zines/exchanges.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

1.     Finish my WIPs.

2.     Write my Pidge Makes Bad Decisions fic!

3.     That’s about it really. Can you take over the world by writing fic? If so, that’s going on the list.

[rielity]

get to know the author?

I was tagged by @yaoyoroses despite me being totally MIA from tumblr and fandom in general recently, thank you!!! 

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

I’m snowdrops on ao3 - I was having a bleach phase and had an obsession with the thirteenth division of the gotei 13 when i created my ao3 account. the snowdrop is the thirteenth division’s insignia! it signifies hope.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

bookmarks:  red strings (dgm, lavilena + yullen, reincarnation au, 9.2k words) 

subscriptions: wandering spirits online (bleach x sao x log horizon, vr mmorpg au, 4k words, abandoned multichap) || the fic with the next highest number of subscriptions is red strings, which is a oneshot. in fact, i only write oneshots, with the exception of a couple of story collections, so why i have fic subscriptions at all is a true mystery.

kudos: herding cats (bnha, todobaku, neighbours au, 1.5k words)

hits: red strings (dgm, lavilena + yullen, reincarnation au, 9.2k words)

i’d like to point out here that this is probably not an accurate representation of the quality of my fics because red strings has been up on ao3 since 2014, and some of my newer fics have much higher pick-up rates relative to time elapsed

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

yato for my main (dgm) pseud, osamu for my hq pseud, sj13 for my kpop pseud and placeholders for the rest.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I have regular commenters depending on the fic I’m writing - for haikyuu it’s @aritzen @ennotanafuta @chamomilea @puffandhuff @sapphyrelily; for bnha it’s the tdbk server. but favourite commenters? anyone who comments and leaves encouragement for me to keep going, especially when I’m struggling with writing and myself, is a favourite for me! I also know who my regular readers are, and I’m always grateful for them even if they don’t leave comments! 

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

here are some of the stories that have haunted me for a long time after i first read them, sorted by fandom: 

bnha:

make my body say (monoshin, E, 7.3k words)

whatever it takes (todobaku, E, fake dating au, 20k words)

dgm: 

staples of vocabulary (laviyuu, T, 33.5k words)

haikyuu:

city in the rearview (kuroyaku, G, 1.2k words)

lightning, unbidden (tsukinoya, G, soulmate au, 2.3k words)

midnight railway (kuroyaku, T, 4.6k words)

young, scrappy and hungry (ennonoya, G, 466 words)

parallel circuits (miyas, G, 833 words)

but his brother, sleep (miyas, T, 2k words)

finishing line. (kuroyaku, G, manga spoilers, 1.2k words)

rain, interrupted (oifuta, T, 13.9k words)

quicksilver lullabies (noyaken, M, 8.5k words)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

33 subscriptions (most of which are complete/from old fandoms that I no longer read) and 541 bookmarks across all pseuds

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I mostly write canon universe, but in terms of au it’s definitely college au  

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

33 subscribers, 393 bookmarks. i’ve been casually tracking the increase in stats here on this twitter thread. 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

friends with benefits with feelings au, probably? though I don’t really care if people judge me for what I’m writing, so I guess it’s my own personal hesitance that’s stopping me from actually writing it. 

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

one thing that I learnt from creative writing class is that I suck at writing visual descriptions, so I wanna work on that. I also want to be better at replying comments!!! 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

i’m destined for rarepair hell

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

78, 39 of which were published this year....--- wait WHAT

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

do you mean stories i half-started, or story ideas, or stories i’ve actually completed, or

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I write them down on my phone, but more often than not they remain in that state lol

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

nope, and I’m not sure I’d be able to. I’m incredibly picky and individualistic when I’m writing.

16. How did you discover AO3?

Gunny told me that lots of writers were posting fic on ao3 too, besides ffn, so I looked it up and started hanging around

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

obviously not 

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

what, no

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

hmm there are fic writers who made me want to write like them - themorninglark, asofthaven, carafin, among others - and also book authors - tolkien, cassandra clare, neil gaiman.  

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

keep writing. a little every day builds up to a lot in a year.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

it... depends on the story. I’ve plotted every single one of my Timeless AU fics thus far, as well as my longer fics, but for shorter fics I tend to let the story go where it wants to 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

mmm I got flamed on one of my crossover fics when I was starting out on ffn, but it was only the one time. I was rly young back then so I shall not reveal what I did lmao

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

smut, and physical scenes in general. writing them makes me uncomfortable

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

kacchako zine and supposedly hqss, except i haven’t started on hqss

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

,,,looks at the story ideas and plots spilling out of my pockets, you see nothing

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

not now, because i’m way too busy with rl responsibilities to commit to writing

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

yes yes Y E S just look here, this is how a decade of writing looks like

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

as of 13 dec 2017:

molten gold (ennonoya, G, manga spoilers, 791 words)  

the weight of you (laviyuu, NR, 1k words)

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

my oldest works - the ones from my ffn that should never see the light of tumbr day

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

better, more daring, more experimental, and with yet more to learn

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

knowing the concept or the mood that i want to achieve (like plotting, but not really)

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

actually achieving/coming close to achieving that concept/mood (nearly impossible) & everything else, especially not falling back into cliches of my own writing

33. Why do you write?

because who else would write these stories for these ships if not me??? 

tagging: @ennotanafuta @directorennoshita @sapphyrelily @aritzen 

[lauramkaye]

Fic: Storage War

Based on a prompt by @kat-har. Archive post will follow shortly!

“You really don’t have to do this,” Phil said, hovering in the doorway.

“It’s really fine, babe,” Clint said, pulling out another box and coughing at the cloud of dust that billowed off it.

“I promise I didn’t ask you here intending to pawn off all the work. Maybe you could take a break until I—”

“Phil. It’s fine. It might just as well have been me getting called in.” Clint smiled at him, hoping it was reassuring. “I came to help, I’m gonna help.” He waved a hand at the storage unit, piled high with the detritus of Phil’s childhood and teenage years. “Unless you’ve changed your mind about just throwing it all in a U-Haul and driving it to New York—”

“Ugh,” Phil said. “No. We’d end up storing it for another decade before we found the time to deal with it.”

“Then let me help you,” Clint said. Reaching out, he snagged Phil’s hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, scraped a little from where he’d barked his hand on the wall trying to get the rusted padlock open. “That’s what marriage is all about, right? For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, for clearing out thirty-year-old storage units…”

Phil chuckled, turning his hand to cup Clint’s cheek. “I don’t remember that part in the vows.”

“It was right before the part about worshipping each other with our bodies,” Clint said.

“Ah, my favorite part.” Phil bent to kiss him, quick and soft. “I’ll be as fast as I can.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Clint said. “I’ll have fun. Maybe if I’m lucky there’ll be baby pictures.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “More likely to be awkward, pimply middle-school pictures.”

“I bet you were adorable. Go, help catch the bad guys while I work on sorting the greatest fashion hits of the early 80s.” He reached into a nearby box and pulled out a “Frankie Says Relax” t-shirt. “I think I might take this one home.” Phil laughed. “Just remember the size of our apartment when you’re deciding what you want to keep,” he said. “I’ll see you for dinner.”

“Sure thing.”

Clint smiled to himself as he watched Phil leave, then settled in to continue working through the massive pile of stuff. Phil had ignored the storage unit containing the contents of his mom’s house for decades; he’d still be ignoring it, if the facility wasn’t closing down, slated to give way to a new block of hipster lofts or something. So Clint, being a good partner, had taken some leave time and joined Phil in Wisconsin to deal with it.

They’d already worked through the furniture, picking out a few pieces to keep and donating the rest along with most of Phil’s mom’s clothes and personal items. What was left was mostly all Phil’s things. Honestly, Clint was kind of looking forward to going through them; he’d never known Phil as a kid, and there was something precious about seeing his carefully packed boxes of comics, the handmade quilt in red, white, and blue stars, the worn and ragged ear of a much-loved stuffed bear.

Clint had prioritized the things it would be easy to sort: outdated clothes that wouldn’t fit them, furnishings that had seen better days, an ancient cracked clock radio. The comics were easy, too, in the other direction; Clint wasn’t sure if Phil would want to keep or sell them, but he knew Phil would want to go over the collection in more detail.

He set aside a box of 8-tracks, humming Devo to himself, opened a box labeled “notebooks” in neat block print, and stuttered to a halt, blinking rapidly.

The box did contain a number of three-ring binders and spiral notebooks, but that wasn’t all; right on the top was some sort of comb-bound, copy-shop booklet which bore on the cover an overblown illustration of Captain America. Cap was tied to a post, his uniform shirt ripped to highlight his bulging muscles, and a masked Hydra goon was threatening him with a gun while cowering away from Peggy Carter, who was wearing a military uniform and brandishing a laser gun that Clint was pretty sure wasn’t historically accurate. Above Cap’s head, a hand-lettered title proclaimed the publication to be called “Rule Britannia.”

“Oh my god,” Clint said, and dove into the box with glee.

Some time later, he’d examined a remarkable number of Captain America fanzines. The earlier ones were general-purpose, with articles about Project Rebirth and the European Theater and, in one case, a painfully adorable letter from a fourteen-year-old Phil about the importance of the Howling Commandoes and Peggy Carter to the success of the SSR during the war. Later on, though, the general zines gave way to more focused ones, and Clint had to hold back his joyful giggles by main force. He’d found baby Phil’s stash of secret erotic Captain America fanfiction.

Best. Day. Ever.

Surprisingly, Phil’s interest seemed pretty evenly split between seeing Cap with Peggy Carter and seeing him with Bucky Barnes. Clint would have predicted Carter all the way, based on Phil's deeply nerdy obsession with her (and it was deeply, deeply nerdy, like, topic-of-his-graduate-thesis nerdy), but apparently Phil's appreciation for a smart-mouthed sniper was of longer duration than Clint had previously realized. 

Tempted though he was, Clint didn’t take the time to read the stories; there just wasn’t time. He contented himself with thumbing through the zines, looking for bookmarks, stray notes, or other signs that might show him which ones had been Phil’s favorites. Unfortunately, Phil seemed to have been just as meticulous then as he was now, and the zines were in remarkable condition for their age. Clint set the last of them aside in a pile and picked up one of the spiral notebooks. 

It had Cap’s shield on it, of course, and was well used, the corners worn and the spiral starting to work its way out of the top. Clint smiled, flipping open the cover. He felt a pang at the sight of younger Phil’s handwriting, recognizably similar to the way he wrote now, but more cautious, the letters formed deliberately as though Phil had been trying hard to keep it neat. Then he stopped looking at the page and started reading it, and he had to stop and clutch it to his chest in delight. 

Phil hadn’t just read Captain America fanfiction. He had written it. 

Clint sat his ass down on the dusty concrete floor of the storage unit and started perusing his treasure. 

Honestly, if Clint had ever considered the question he would have said that baby Phil’s stories would feature a thinly-disguised version of himself. Fictional Phil might be a previously unknown Howling Commando, or maybe some other kind of ally—a soldier, or part of the French Resistance, or a British spy—who came through in a tight spot to save Cap’s life and/or mission. (Which wasn’t really that far-fetched; it was pretty much the same kind of thing that adult Phil did for his agents now.) Possibly the stories might have ended with Cap showing his appreciation by inviting fictional Phil to bed, or at least with a manly embrace of gratitude. After all, wasn’t that was what teenage stories were for? Trying on scenarios, writing about the life you wish you had. Clint hadn’t been much for writing as a kid, but he’d sure as hell spun up enough daydreams, trying to fall asleep when it seemed like every inch of his body hurt. Daydream Clint was the star of the circus. Daydream Clint had a family who loved him. Daydream Clint had money, had a home, was the best archer in the world.

Daydream Clint had lived a life pretty much like the one Clint had now, actually, if you swapped out the circus for SHIELD. Clint kind of wished he could go back in time and tell his skinny, scared teenage self the good news. Stick with it, kid, things will turn out great for you one day.

Anyway, Clint wanted to know what Daydream Phil was like. Phil, being Phil, had helpfully dated each of his notebooks, so Clint piled them up in order, grabbed the earliest one, and started reading.

An hour later, he set the next-to-last notebook down, rubbing at his eyes. For all that Phil’s zine collection ran to happy romantic endings, the stuff Phil had actually written was pretty much the opposite. Clint knew—he’d known for years—that Phil’d had trouble as a kid, trying to reconcile his bisexuality with his dream of going into the Army. But Clint had never expected to see all of young Phil’s confusion and anger and hurt and fear projected onto stories about his boyhood hero. 

The Steve Rogers in Phil’s stories was pained and unsure, in love with Bucky and Peggy both and struggling to find a resolution that didn’t hurt either of them. The plots were pretty clichéd, and the prose was a bit overblown, but the emotions came through clearly. Steve Rogers, as Phil had seen him, felt like he had no good choices, torn between Peggy, Bucky, and his moral obligation to fight Hydra. If he went with Bucky, he lost Peggy and neglected his duty; if he went with Peggy, he lost Bucky, and felt guilty for allowing society to dictate who he loved. Just because he loved a woman, that didn’t mean he wanted his choice of partner forced by anything but himself. Clint wondered why it had never occurred to Phil to put Captain America in a fictional ménage-à-trois. It would present a neat solution to the whole love triangle issue, at any rate. Although he supposed it was probably a lot harder to think outside that particular box in the days before the internet. Who was supposed to be the role model, Three’s Company? Ugh.

The last notebook was all one, long story, and it was the most heartbreaking of all. In it, Cap was pining for his two loves as per Phil’s usual, but every other chapter was a short story where Steve imagined what would happen in a different scenario. Clint read a description of Steve and Bucky leaving the Army to live together, their happiness soured by Steve’s guilt over leaving the war. He read an account of Steve marrying Peggy and Bucky marrying someone named Lorraine. The two men set up housekeeping next door to one another, named their children after each other, while Steve tried to use his real happiness to bury the part of himself that never stopped wanting Bucky. There was a chapter where—finally—Phil had considered the possibility of polyamory, and Steve daydreamed about a life where they all got a house together, where Steve had a wife and a husband both, but even in that fantasy world they spent their time hiding, from the Army or the press or the neighbors, sending Bucky on false dates to try to keep their secret. Not one of the scenarios had a happy ending, all of them going back to the same place: Cap, alone and hopeless and pretending everything was fine. The story ended as Cap was piloting the crashing plane, giving himself one final dream as the water rose up around him. He dreamed of Bucky being found, alive after all, and he and Peggy comforting each other. They’d be perfect for each other, Steve thought, brilliant and beautiful together, and they would have amazing children with dark wavy hair and maybe they’d name the first boy Steve. 

Clint read the final lines of the story, his chest aching.

It was for the best, Steve thought, taking one last gasping breath before the water closed over his head. They both deserved the best. They both deserved a happy ending.

Clint closed the notebook and took a deep, shaky breath. He was not going to cry over ancient Captain America fanfiction, he wasn’t. 

He might possibly be going to cry a little over the writer, though. Thinking of Phil reading all those happily-ever-afters but never able to bring himself to write one of his own… 

“Clint? How’s it going in here?” 

Clint turned around sharply as Phil came around the corner. Shit, how long had he been reading?

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked, his smile falling away as he saw Clint’s face. “What—oh.” He looked at the pile of zines and notebooks scattered around Clint, the tips of his ears going red. “Oh god, I thought I threw those away.”

Clint dropped the notebook and scrambled to his feet, crossing the cramped space in a few strides and wrapping his arms around Phil, holding him tight. After a moment, he felt Phil’s arms come up around him, as well, and Phil patted Clint’s shoulder tentatively.

“Are you okay?” Phil asked quietly, brushing a kiss over Clint’s ear.

Clint sniffled. “I’m fine, I just—Phil. The happiest ending you could think of was Steve dying so that Peggy and Bucky could marry each other? I feel like I need to go back in time and make sure Teenage You is okay.”

Phil was quiet, his arms tightening around Clint. “Oh,” he said, softly. “Yeah. I was… things were tough, when I was writing those.”

“I could tell. When I found the box, I thought it was going to be cute, you know? Funny.” Clint nestled his head into the crook of Phil’s neck, taking comfort in the familiar bergamot and sandalwood scent of his aftershave. “I thought I’d get to tease you a little, maybe. I never thought you’d be into writing tragedies.”

“I was a melodramatic kid,” Phil said. “I had a girlfriend, and I loved her, but I also had a wicked crush on a guy I was on swim team with, plus I wanted to go into the Army… I felt like every choice I had was wrong somehow, like no matter what I did I’d end up unhappy.” He stroked his hand down Clint’s spine, heavy and reassuring. “If I’d known then how my life would turn out, those stories would have probably been really different.”

“Yeah?” Clint made himself pull back enough to see Phil’s face.

“Absolutely,” Phil said, and pressed a tender, lingering kiss to Clint’s mouth.

“All I would have needed to see is you.”

“That you ended up with a husband?”

“That I ended up with a happy ending,” Phil said, and Clint had to kiss him again until they were both breathless.

They ended up taking the box back to New York, where it found a new home in the back of a closet. The story kept nagging at Clint, at odd moments here and there, until finally he scrawled a new chapter in the back of a steno pad, an epilogue where Steve woke up in a hospital, the war won, and Bucky and Peggy both there to welcome him, holding hands with him and with each other. He felt kind of silly about it, but also like he owed Phil’s long-ago self some kind of resolution.

When he opened the box to stick the steno pad in, he pulled up short at the sight of something bright blue. He picked it up; it was a sheet of blue cardstock, and mounted in the middle of it was one of the photos from Clint and Phil’s wedding. They were dancing, looking into each others’ eyes. They looked devoted and intent, blissfully in love.

At the bottom of the page, there was a message in Phil’s neat, blocky handwriting.

And they lived happily ever after.