It’s obnoxious, the way Munson sits on the table, legs swinging a little too fast, a little too much purpose behind the motion. Steve zeroes in on it, the movement of his thighs, black denim pulled tight in one second, then going loose the next. It’s hypnotising. Mesmerising. Calming, in a weird sort of way.
“So,” Eddie drawls the word, again with too much purpose, and all this sudden purpose Eddie spills around him so carelessly like he expects Steve to know what to do with it, with him, with himself, is overwhelming and frustrating. It takes him out of his hypnosis. His eyes snap to Munson’s, and he’s reeling a little too much still to know what it is Eddie will find on his face now.
Whatever it is, it makes him still. He quiets down. Everything about him is gone so suddenly it makes Steve blink hard, trying to regain his footing and not think about how gone Eddie really is. A while from now. In a different dimension. Bloodied and pale and so, so still.
The world fades a little bit, or maybe it’s just Steve who does, but something fades. It gets a little easier to hear, so long as he doesn’t have to be or feel or react.
Maybe this was a mistake.
“You don’t usually buy from me,” Eddie says through the cotton-like fog, and Steve zeroes in again. “You don’t usually buy, period.”
It’s like the guy is trying to read Steve. He lets him. He’s sort of dying to find out something real about him anyway.
“But that changed, hasn’t it? Breaking up with Wheeler got you bad, eh?”
Steve feels the frown on his face before he can think to react, and he shakes his head — against the accusation and against the images in his head, against the guilt, against the knowledge that Nancy is dead and he isn’t, and that she died a hero and that he wouldn’t. Ever. He’ll just die a coward.
“No? Alright, big guy, whatever you say, but don’t think I don’t remember finding you the other day cracked outta your mind so hard you couldn’t even walk anymore, and when I came back because I’m nice like that, you were gone. That’s not being sober, that’s not very never doing drugs of you if you ask me.”
For a second there, Steve had forgotten just how much he really doesn’t like Eddie Munson. The guy’s a nuisance and just really, really annoying.
But this is also the longest anyone has spoken to Steve since— since before. And there’s something addictive about it.
Maybe he doesn’t need the drugs. Maybe he just needs someone to talk to him like he’s a real person.
But Eddie’s still staring at him, still trying to figure him out, and Steve knows he should move, he should fidget, probably, or run his hand through his hair and lose the haze that veils his eyes and crack a smirk at Eddie and just. Do anything that a real person would do.
But he can’t. He can only stand, only stare, only catch a thought or two as they race by him at record speed and hope desperately that the thought isn’t Eddie, his pale skin ripping open with lethal wounds, his voice gurgling as he chokes on his own blood and doesn’t even have the strength to cough anymore.
His hands are shaking. That’s something real at least.
“Hey, woah, shit, there’s no need to— God, man, it’s cool, we’re cool, I won’t tell anyone or some shit, you gotta— Harrington, you gotta calm down.”
Eddie’s off the table in record speed, bringing some distance between them but still looking like he wants to approach Steve with raised hands.
“I’m calm,” he says, not understanding.
“You’re having a fuck-damn panic attack or something, man.”
What? No, he doesn’t— Oh.
“Oh.”
He’s on the floor, and his cheeks are wet. He can’t breathe. His brain doesn’t even catch up, his body
“Yeah, fucking oh, man. It’s cool, you’re, uh, you’re safe? I mean. I’m safe? I won’t tell. I’ll give you what you need if this is your withdrawal, I don’t wanna— Shit, man, what the fuck.”
Eddie is freaking out. It’s surreal. Steve has no idea if he’s still panicking. He must be, because he can’t feel his hands. He’s getting dizzy and his chest hurts. It’s okay. It’ll pass.
“It’s okay,” he says, knowing somehow that his voice shouldn’t sound like this. He’s not a real person anyway. “You can go if you wanna.”
Eddie shakes his head, bewildered, absolute disbelief in every one of his features, so loud even in his silence, and Steve prefers this. The obnoxious loudness. Even when he says nothing.
“What the fuck, Harrington.”
It’s all he says before approaching him, sitting down right opposite Steve, knees drawn to his chest in a mirror position, their feet’s almost touching. Eddie looks scared. Or worried.
Steve frowns. There’s no air in his lungs to ask, though, and he remembers that he needs to breathe. Feels that his lungs are screaming for it and that somewhere beneath the fog and the cotton, his brain is screaming at him, his body clawing at its confines to break free and breathe.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie decides, looking at him so intensely, Steve feels somehow invited to look back. To look as long as he can, before he sort of stops processing anything again and tries not to remember how Eddie looks when he knows he’s about to die.
Those terrified eyes trained on him. They have seen nothing yet.
Eddie starts talking at some point — running his mouth, really, but Steve can’t hear him. It’s nice, though. He finds himself staring up at the darkening sky at some point, his head nestled on cold, wet leaves and damp soil. Eddie’s still talking, still looking at him. Steve tries not to panic that he lost it again, that the day has somehow passed without him.
He looks over, meeting Eddie’s eyes, and catching something that looks like a relieved smile as he stumbles over his words and then stops altogether.
“Hey,” is what he settles on at last.
Steve smiles, a frail little thing, but Eddie doesn’t need to know that.
“Thank you,” he says. And then, because he’s speaking and there’s no fog this time and no blood and no screams, he keeps talking. “For this. And, uh, for that night, y’know, where you wanted to help me. You did, actually, I was just… I never thanked you. So, yeah. Thanks.”
Eddie shrugs, and it’s a little awkward with the angle he’s looking at Steve at. “I didn’t really do shit.”
“You did more than you know,” Steve says, and that’s when the blood comes back. The screams. The fog and the emptiness and the hollow feeling in his chest where he knows there once resided the feeling of It’s going to be okay.
Eddie pauses, and Steve fades. He asks something, but Steve can’t hear him. He gets up, knowing that if he won’t, he’ll stay here all night. Turn into a tree again. Be nothing at all.
He walks away, leaving Eddie behind, and in the parking lot he finds Hopper’s car, the engine running, and then his cheeks are wet again.
Hopper pulls him into a hug, and Steve leans into it. Wants to tell him that he’s fine, that he’s not a tree, that he’s not a person either but something in between but that he’s okay and sorry for worrying him. But the words don’t come, and it is what it is.
“Munson okay?” Hopper asks when Steve pulls away from their embrace, and something about Hopper knowing exactly what to ask him is so vulnerable. But it makes him feel good, too. Like he’s not dumb for it. For the way he’s checking up on them. On all of them. Even Eddie.
“He’s fine.”
“Good,” Hop says, starting the engine. “There’s pasta for dinner.”
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