#the transition into singing was just terrible the pacing of the whole movie was just off because of how much they wanted to do

[kansasjustgotgayer]

Can we have someone other than lin manuel miranda writing songs for disney now? Theres a lot i did not like in encanto.

[tomwaterbabies]

ok. here's a list of things. im trying not to go too in-depth with my ranting here. firstly because i would literally just much rather gush about the og than spend MORE time on this trash, and secondly because my friends and i are already ranting about it lol

(keep in mind this is still VERY LONG. my actual full thoughts would be pages long if you could believe that)

but here we go. spoilers for the disney live-action pinocchio if that matters

the cgi is bad. as expected. immediately you see a lack of warmth and coziness in geppetto's workshop. and in place of the whimsical and creative clocks of the original, geppetto's workshop not only is a bad cgi set but contains 2 (TWO) scenes of... disney references... the clocks are a bunch of disney character references..................

weirdly emphasizes his love for his clocks. this is hammered throughout the film (i will come back to this)

geppetto has a previous dead son.

the fairy shoots a beam of light that bounces off the dead son's picture frame and into pinocchio. i think the implication here is that he has some of the son's spirit. this is never addressed further

the scene of him coming to life is the most awkward fucking imagery ever. they play up the comedy and the sense of wonder is just... lost (might have to go in-depth with this scene later when i compare some scenes from the og and this one)

she sings when you wish upon a star for some reason

the pacing, in general, is so terrible

there is a montage of pinocchio and geppetto living together. it's badly paced and awkward and i think they did it because of the cinema-sins level nitpicking that people do where they ask why geppetto sent him off to school on his first day of being alive

he has some weird super speed ability of being able to move his arms and legs super fast? this is used multiple times and i really dont understand why they made him like that

he does end up going to school but quickly gets kicked out for being a puppet. i dont really think this scene adds anything. there's a shot where he's on the ground super sad and upset while the teacher yells at him for being a puppet or whatever and the kids laugh... which i would definitely be into in a better movie. this will not be the first time a good concept is in this bad movie

he is less naive but they don't really do anything to fill out his personality. it feels like pinocchio is missing something. which he is

his voice acting is weird. not a bad voice but the actual line delivery is just... not always... good. kind of awkward. same with geppetto. most of the characters actually

btw jiminy is definitely more helpful here, but it isnt worth it

ive got no strings was such an insulting segment of trash and uninspired disrespect my brother and i started crying (another scene i would just have to breakdown)

this is where the love interest comes in. shes a little girl who controls a ballerina puppet. there isnt much to say. she doesnt do anything but give a lot of pointless dialogue. they dont get together at the end (she goes off to run her own puppet show after she gets stromboli arrested). im serious this added nothing

multiple new songs btw. they are not good

ok let me break down pleasure island in a few points

him going back to his house and then scooped up into pleasure island nonsense is quite literally a blink-and-you'll-miss-it transition

pleasure island is now more akin to a SUPER extravagant theme park. massive buildings, bright lights, and high-tech systems. and none of the original bite

no drinking, no smoking. this is not inherently bad if you have him experience something equally as terrible. but they dont. he drinks root beer (lmao???) and that's about it

so lampwick... a character representation of pleasure island as a whole tbh. he is not nearly as impactful as the og and is just. kind of There. less bite, more stupid dialogue to tell us what the characters are doing

The Donkey Scene. completely hollow. the visceral and harrowing experience of the original is completely gone. shots like lampwick's hands turning into hooves as he desperately claws at pinocchio is just Not There. laughable

the faceless dudes working at pleasure island are now vapor monsters. i think they did this to avoid the controversy of racism but holy shit what the fuck is this. just make them dudes...

not a big deal but he also gets wooden donkey ears and tail?? im not sure why they did that other than "haha he's made of wood" and it kind of goes against what i think helps the story when it's flesh/fur ears/tail like the rest of the human boys

ok moving on from pleasure island

so they find the empty house of geppetto. they learn that he sold all his clocks that he loved oh so much in order to buy a boat and look for pinocchio. this scene is so stupid. it's just characters going on and on about how much geppetto cares about pinocchio instead of just like... showing us that? why do they NEED to emphasize to pinocchio that geppetto loves him this much like just SHOW ME THROUGH ACTIONS

monstro looks stupid as hell lol

remember the original monstro? the gorgeous painting-like animation? thats nice. its not like that btw

the reunion with his father contains TWO SEPERATE MOMENTS of a possible tender moment but they trade BOTH out for comedy. there is no heartwarming reunion there's no profound forgiveness of geppetto it's just HaHa Funny!!! Funny Look!!! geppetto does mention he forgives him im just saying it was NOT done in a profound or emotional way

THE ENDING SCENE.

where to fucking begin with this. i suppose breaking it down works

so pinocchio Does Not Die. they escape monstro and instead geppetto is the one knocked out (i dont THINK hes dead like pinocchio was but im unsure). this is a stupid change because it is pinocchio's own sacrifice that makes it so profound

pinocchio... starts sadly humming/singing a tearful when you wish upon a star????????????????????? and this pissed me off because it dared try to use it for an emotional moment when they didnt do shit with the song in the first place. the message of this song is NONEXISTENT in this movie so having it here just feels so hollow and therefore insulting lol

and finally. finally. finally. we get to what is the best (worst?) example of "great concept in a bad movie" ive seen in all these pinocchio adaptions

pinocchio remains a wooden boy.

ah... You Are Mother Fucker. not only this but the scene... the dialogue... the message... the acting/animations/actions throughout it (even small gestures) are all things i so genuinely desire in a GOOD MOVIE

geppetto accidentally tells pinocchio in a moment of pride that a "real boy" couldnt do what he did. pinocchio's expression falls and geppetto immediately realizes what he said. he apologizes and tells him that if he made it seem like he wanted something more than him in the beginning that it wasnt like that at all. he tells him how much he loves him and that no matter what, he will always be his real boy.

the movie ends not at geppetto's home, but pinocchio and geppetto walking away from the sea. jiminy's narration comes on and he tells us that pinocchio may have been transformed physically, that it's up to interpretation, but that it doesnt really matter. because who he is inside is what counts, THAT is what makes him real.

(im summing it up and missing a few dialogue/acting moments but yeah)

screaming. crying. trashing around. i need to make it CLEAR that the only reason this whole ending is like this and is here is that they are taking what was presented in the og movie and expanding on it. i would LOVE this in the original movie yes, because i truly think that's where it belongs. but this fucking movie does nothing to be anything remotely as passionate and full of love as the original movie. it is heartbreaking to see this here

IN CONCLUSION:

disney remakes at the end of the day are about greed first. some will be worst than others. there are common trends that appear in various remakes, though not all trends appear in every single one. this movie has every single one of those trends. truthfully the worst ive seen and ive watched a remake that blatantly wrote a mental disorder that i have in the most offensive depiction ive seen of it (personally)

there is just no passion here. no love. the most i can say is that it does have sweet/good moments- specifically with small pieces of character acting and animation. but i cannot stress enough how minimal that is. it has a few good concepts but poorly utilizes them

it feels like it was relying on these moments to carry them through. but small moments like a genuinely sad/happy/loving pinocchio, as touching as that can be, will not actually mean anything or work when the story itself just isnt good. when so much of this movie is badly put together in every aspect. from writing to editing to animation to music to All Of It... terrible. disney doesnt care. not even about the history and art THEY made

tbh it's up to other people to keep the art alive. currently im working on my animated short (traditionally animated) and even enjoy my OWN work with pinocchio. including a sequel/continuation story idea that expands on the original's themes without being a piece of shit movie. if disney wont do it, we will just do it ourselves and/or find the people who still have the deep love and passion and All Of That for this piece of Art and Magic

[nyankoizumi]

I spent a whole day yelling to my mom about Wakey Wakey and what makes it so special in its own way and now you have to suffer: the post

Yes we have a bunch of very important scenes of Wakey Wakey still not leaked and it's kinda silly to make an analysis when we don't even have the full material but I'm a silly guy okay and i do agree and can see what the creators meant when they said that they wanted to keep the show "small" because, yes please!! That really adds to the essence and makes wonders to the tv show, because it makes everything feel… static? I dunno, i think it adds to the whole prison loop house with shit that comes alive and teaches you something badly feel everything has, something Wakey Wakey does lack on. The town doesn't feel small enough and nor does the happy house, added to Red actually leaving the town, making it feel much less "trapped"

But don't you DARE think I'm here to say "pilot bad" and call it a day because i love Wakey Wakey. But in a special way.

I don't know if it's an universal thing, but the feeling wakey wakey gives to me is like when an animated show gets a movie. It has that vibe, and some of the patterns i tend to see with those cases? Same characters we love, but put them in a foreign situation we don't know yet!! New world!!! Give them a musical number about it!!! New characters?! So exciting will we see them again? NO in FACT nothing that happens here will be brought up in canon probably but it's fun so just. Listen to the songs and slightly smoother animation okay

Just overall, the music and atmosphere and the tone def makes me feel like I'm watching a strangely short DHMIS movie but it's interesting enough to make me not realize

And while i do think it's a neat little middle between the yt series and the tv series in term of tone and characters, given that the main guys talk and do more things than the yt series but not as much as the tv series, and they show little tid-bits of personality traits (that we didn't quite see in the yt series) that get exaggerated in the tv show for funny content's sake (more clear example is red guy's. Uh, annoyance? English hard) , i do think it isn't the PERFECT transition for someone to go through, despite being neat in itself. Don't get me wrong, it might be better than the whiplash of watching the yt series and having no clue what just happened, to watch the tv series and still have no clue what's happening but also they fight to death and straight up kill the teachers now, apparently. But i do feel like the tone is pretty different from the two. It feels much more light than the other two, and it doesn't have the pace that the tv show has. If i HAD TO, I'd say it's closer to the tv show, but to me, honestly, it doesn't need to. It's not as dark as the yt series, and it doesn't feel as trapped as the tv series, but it's! Really good!! Because it's like it's own thing and that's honestly based!! The production is as good and impressive as usual, it's really funny, it has an interesting topic at hand, and the songs are so much fun. The songs are specially what give me the cartoon show movie feel, they're not so spot on to children's songs like the yt series, but they have this… silly musical feel to them that i super vibe with, like, the introduction song is unironically really catchy and cute and super "hey guys its the start of the movie everyone in town let's sing", and Mean Steve's song (was that his name? Metal child) is animated in such an interesting way, and yeah, it doesn't rhyme sometimes and it's kinda strange and pretty to the point with his true intentions but that's also what i love, it does catch the essence of the teacher's songs but put it's own musical twist to it, i swear i thought red guy was gonna start rapping his ass off the moment he had that one line in the song that would've been glorious but, his few lines and the awkwardly sung normal speech at the end was enough to satisfy my strange taste heart.

But i did figure a way to put it while having a sandwich which i chocked on upon this realization; it's like the yt series is a kids show that got terribly corrupted and starts """normal""" then goes insane, while Wakey Wakey is more like a kids show/movie that is actually going on adult swim or something so like, everything's fairly normal but it doesn't shy away from grotesque imagery or jokes when given the chance.

(i guess the tv show could be both at the same time- haven't thought about it)

In conclusion, I love Wakey Wakey, it feels like a DHMIS movie but chiller i get why the creators don't like it but still i find a unique charm into it and please i want a full version I'm so greedy /hj

[musicarenagh]

Gaze Your Eyes Upon The 'Donuts' By Bingo Boys In February 2020 Gus Matracia, Noah Mackey, and Michael Carter came together to form a band under the moniker Bingo Boys. The band name was coined by Gus who initially described it as ”a nonsense name that i came up with and we all thought was kind of fun.” Donut is the latest release by the trio, the song starts with the guitar riffs on a low tone, but don’t be deceived, that serene sound switches from a low tone to its complete opposite. Donuts is a song you can’t help but dance to it. The drums are fast-paced with the bass on full blast, the trio really joined forces in creating Donuts. The delivery of the lyrics on the song are in a perfect sync with the instrumentals, and Gus made sure the vocals are piercing and aggressive giving. Bingo boys are the epitome of a rock band which I suggest you keep an eye on. The band had an Interview with Mister Styx of Musicarenagh, where they shared some of their personal life stories with their fans. Get the full story below:   Follow Bingo Boys on Facebook Spotify Bandcamp Youtube Instagram https://open.spotify.com/album/1yzBjZbq9ot8EoatJrxJrw   What is your stage name Gus Matracia- guitar/ vocals Noah Mackey- bass Michael Carter- drums   Is there a story behind your stage name? Just our names! Where do you find inspiration? Gus- going to local shows and supporting the scene   What was the role of music in the early years of your life? Noah- I always remember when i liked something musical, i really liked it and would try to listen to as much as possible but that was difficult in those days (mid 90's) without the internet. Taping songs off the radio/movie credits/etc. was something i did a lot of. holding the microphone up to the tv speaker and all. Are you from a musical or artistic family? Carter- growing up i remember my dad playing guitar. Who inspired you to be a part of the music industry? Noah- Other than the obvious first bands i really loved, namely green day at around 12 years old, id have to say Tony Hawk. The THPS games came out, and had all this cool punk music which inspired me. but also, first I wanted to skateboard and was terrible at that. figured i had to learn to do SOMETHING cool and probably couldn't injure myself so badly with a guitar. How did you learn to sing/write/to play? Gus- I learned how to play from reading tabs and watching concert footage of bands i loved over and over again. constantly watching the musicians hands trying to understand a new solo or riff. What was the first concert that you ever went to and who did you see perform? Noah- My first real concert ever was the Allman Brothers and Phil Lesh. I didn't care for it at the time... First real concert I truly enjoyed was later that year (2002) at the Pop Disaster Tour with Blink 182 and Green Day. I was 15 and absolutely loved it. How could you describe your music? Gus- Our music is 90's leaning punk with some garage rock influences. Describe your creative process. Carter- You really just start with a guitar or bass riff that sounds cool and build off of that. come up with a transition and some lyrics and you got a song started. After that its just about jamming it and working out the kinks. What is your main inspiration? Noah- My main inspiration is people dancing. I think music that doesn't make you want to move should be engaged in cautiously, and with moderation. Music where the end goal is to make people dance and feel happy is the whole point to me. [caption id="attachment_47188" align="alignnone" width="2000"] Gaze Your Eyes Upon The 'Donuts' By Bingo Boys[/caption] What musician do you admire most and why Gus- This is tough because there are so many inspiring people making music. If i had to pick though id have to say John Dwyer, it seems like that guy just never stops creating. always reinventing his sound and collaborating with other amazing artists. Did your style evolve since the beginning of your car

eer? Carter- Yes buts its gone full circle back to punk. Who do you see as your main competitor? Gus- No one, music shouldn't be a competition. What are your interests outside of music? Noah- Sim racing, cooking, camping, hiking, and I love dogs in a big way. If it wasn't a music career, what would you be doing? Carter- I’d be a chef What is the biggest problem you have encountered in the journey of music? Gus- One of the biggest challenges we've come across is getting venues out of state interested and willing to book shows with us. If you could change one thing in the music industry, what would it be? Noah- The rates artists get paid from streaming services. I like that streaming and the internet are toppling the old fashioned music industry, but it's still nigh impossible to make much money as a smaller/mid sized artist. Why did you choose this as the title of this project? Gus- Bingo Boys is just a nonsense name that i came up with and we all thought was kind of fun. What are your plans for the coming months? Noah- We are looking forward to being able to get a small tour going and get some more music recorded. Do you have any artistic collaboration plans Gus- We are working with another local Indy two piece synthesizer fronted band called "Pilots". we will be covering a few of each others songs, and hope to have those recordings out sometime later this year. What message would you like to give to your fans? Noah- Thanks for listening, tell your friends, don't trust a hippie, and no matter what, never take yourself too seriously    

[slothgiirl]

shadowplay part 13

You wake up first. And shower, belly grumbling. Maybe you should've gotten up to eat last night. But it would've taken an hour to make you look descent. And you had your pride. 

Though you doubted Miles could keep anything to himself close as the men all seemed to be. 

You don oversized adobe red linen overalls, which you were sure was a charity shop purchase. You'd never pay retail price for . No way. But every now and then you thought you might just be a person who could pull of the whole country girl aesthetic. 

It never lasted. 

You were much more comfortable in well tailored trousers and blouses, but when in rome. 

Grabbing a cup of water, you go through the food Breanna had thoughtfully brought with her. Gluten-free granola. Gluten free flax muffins. An assortment of vegetables and fruit worthy of a farmers market. Three frozen pizzas, and enough beer for a couple of english lads. Plus some wine. You opt for the muffin. 

"Hey," Breana smiles as she grabs a banana and pours herself a cup of granola, "you're up."

"Yeah," you shrug, smiling. 

"That's perfect. You want to go on this trail with me. I brought my camera and I'm going to put it to good use. There's these like, pools. I think they're hotsprings but no promises," she explains, tearing off chunks of banana and popping them into her mouth. 

It's only eight in the morning but she already looks ready for a photoshoot. A photoshoot for some environmentally friendly indie brand, but all the same. 

"That sounds really nice," you reply, "and honestly without all the walking in London I don't actually exercise." Just commuting was enough exercise for the day. And all those stairs leading to the underground. You'd get fat driving around the city all day. Or would it be ubering since you couldn't drive? You'd have to learn to drive. Uber was expensive. 

"Yeah I bet," Breana says, "I keep telling myself I'll start going to the gym but honestly I just watch a youtube video for yoga and call it a day."

"That's more exercise than I do."

You follow Breana out the door, taking a trail clearly marked out, flattened earth from use, your shoes kicking up a bit of dirt and coating your trainers within minutes. Even with the sun high in the sky, the tall trees, disappearing beyond what your eye could see. The smell of crisp pine and evergreens filled the air, so much better than the stale London air. It's not a hard trail by any means, closer to a walk through a park than a hike. There's an slight incline that makes your thighs burn. 

Breana tells you about the camera she'd just bought, "iphone pictures just aren't the same," as she plays with the light settings. She explains how hard it is to find a house in the LA area, wanting something near good food and cute shops but , "like mom and pop places," she laughs, "but it's like I also want to feel safe even if I go out at five in the morning on a run. Not that I've ever gone on a run. Like La Puente." 

But Matt didn't like how out of the way La Puente was from the places in LA he liked. 

"And La Puente is," you ask. 

You didn't know much about LA other than Hollywood and the iconic landmarks that featured in all the movies even if you couldn't name them all. You were sure that's how people felt about London. Tourists obviously wouldn't know Kensington from Greenwich, or how to get there. About as lost as you were about La Puente. 

"Where I grew up," Breana explains. "I still love it there. My grandparent's are also still there so it's just another reason I want to live there. I just got these curlers from my grandma but I don't think they worked," she runs her fingers through pin-straight hair. "Or maybe I just needed more hair spray?"

"I've no clue," you tell her, "I've only ever had curly, well not curls that terrible frizzy in between hair."

"What about you, where did you grow up?"

"A tiny town south of Birmingham." Odds were people had at least heard of Birmingham. No one had heard of your tiny little town outside of Birmingham. She nods, halting as you come across a pile of rocks, just the right size to climb on, basking in the morning light. 

Breana hands you her camera and gets up on the rocks, "take them from waist level so I look taller," she states, posing with grace. Anytime you tried to pose for pictures, you only looked way too forced and bad. "You live in London though, right?"

You take a couple of pictures, crouching down but then not liking those very much at all. "Yeah, better tailoring apprenticeships. I really wanted to work on Saville Row. Where all the greats worked like Lee Alexander McQueen." Not that you had anywhere near his talent. 

"And you do now right," Breana notes, sliding down off the rocks and immediately coming over to look over the photos. "Gonna be the next McQueen?"

"Nooo," you reply. "I like being a tailor. And living in London. I'm going to buy a house there soon. Also I could always submit my CV and become a petit mains in Paris." 

She waves you in front of her, camera held in front of her face as you roll your eyes, but let her have her fun. Not like these pictures would be published ever. Still, you were suddenly all too aware of every step you were taking. "Why don't you just move in with Alex," she comments. Which makes it all sound so easy. 

Except-

"I've been wanting a place of my own for a while now, " you reply, "before I'd even met Alex. And I still do."

She grins, "cause you're a strong independent women who don't need no man!" 

You laugh, stopping as she catches up to you. You both walk forward, as the path narrows, forcing you to walk single filed as the dirt transitions to stone, to stone steps as a pool of steaming water emerges out of the forest like a fairy tale. 

"Up for skinny dipping," Breana asks, with a wink. 

You shrug. "When in rome." And follow her forward. 

When you both finally make it back, finally drag yourselves out of the hot pool. . .hot spring, and walk back at a meandering pace, you're greeted with the sight of Matt watching a football match and smacking Zack's arm as he heckles the hell out of the TV, which was understandable when it was 0-0 and the last few minutes of the game. 

Alex and Miles were on the other settee, standing up on it, each with a guitar in hard, singing little ditties based on Zack's latest comment, backs against each other. Breana rolled her eyes, immediately going for the bottle of wine, pouring out two mugs filled to the brim. 

Miles is the first to spot the both of you, "Breeeeeee," he croons, nodding a hello at you, "and just as we were about to start up a drinking game!" He takes a seat on the armrest, watching with glee as Zack steals the control from Matt and starts flipping through the channels.

She shakes her head, taking a seat on Matt's lap. "You could make a drinking game out of anything.""

I can and I have," Miles agrees, reaching for the bottle of tequila laying on the coffee table along with a couple of shot glasses from various Vegas casinos, already pouring out the shots.

Zack, settling on one of the Mission Impossible films, asks, "even Mission Impossible?" 

"I feel like there'll be one of those bingo cards for it online," Breana says, sipping at her wine. 

You take a seat next to Alex, smiling as you sip at your wine. "I'd be surprised if there wasn't. Seems like the sort of movie that'd be easy to drink along to."

"Or," Miles grins, "we could just drink every time Tom Cruise shows up on screen."

"Miles," Breana cries, almost choking on her drink. 

"You bloody wanker," Matt shakes his head, "going to give us alcohol poisoning."

"Life's short," the man shrugs, "y.o.l.o or whatever."

Zack pulls up a bingo card for Mission impossible. 

And you all settle in to get really fucked up. Hoping you won't be too far gone to fuck Alex again. 

[professionallyunprofessional]

The Cats Motion Picture soundtrack

Before I get into this, I want to preface it by saying the following- I have not seen the movie yet. This review is purely for the soundtrack, which I have listened to in its entirety purely for the purpose of reviewing it. I don’t like to review something unless I’ve seen/read/listened to it all the way through. Also, there will be potentially unpopular opinions. Now, let’s get on with it, shall we?

Overall, I thought that the soundtrack for the movie was interesting. Not terrible (I’ve heard way worse), not fantastic (I’ve heard way better), but interesting. There were some bright spots on it and some spots that, for me, were very ‘what were they thinking’.

The Overture

They shortened it, chopping about a minute and a half in various places. No idea why this was done, but the transitions are not nearly as smooth as they might have thought. It’s kinda jarring.

Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats

The pacing of this song (most of the songs, actually) was reminiscent of the original Broadway version. In my opinion, that’s not a good thing. I’ve always thought that the songs in the OBC felt very rushed, and this one also feels very rushed. Also, I’m not sure how I feel about the solos on the chorus at the beginning. It’s definitely different, I’ll say that.

The Old Gumbie Cat

This one started off very promising. That said, I almost didn’t finish it because it’s really rough. Robbie Fairchild as Munkustrap is actually quite nice to listen to. Not as nice, I thought, was Rebel Wilson’s Jennyanydots. Her voice sounds very shrill. Also, it’s very off-putting hearing this song and other songs in this from first-person perspective. Rather than other people singing the praises of such a well-respected character, she’s just tooting her own horn.

The Rum Tum Tugger

I actually liked this one. A lot. The guitar riffs, the brass section, it all *works* really well. There were a few spots where Jason Derulo’s Tugger sounded off to me, but overall I enjoyed this version of the song way more than I expected to.

Bustopher Jones: The Cat About Town

Again, the whole ‘the character sings about themselves’ thing is a strange choice. And, again, it’s for the same reason. Like Jennyanydots, Bustopher is a very well-respected character. In this, he sounds...kind of buffoonish.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser

This one caught me off-guard at first, because I’d never heard the original London version of the song before. I have to say, though, I think it works well here. I’ve heard that Mungo and Rumple are much more devious and villainous in the movie, and something about this version feels much more like an actual villain song.

Old Deuteronomy

It’s strange not hearing the first half of this song as a duet between Munkustrap and RTT. Stranger still are the changes made to accommodate the fact that Old D is female in the movie (I think they could’ve kept the ‘buried 9 wives’ line, but....eh). Overall, though, not bad.

Beautiful Ghosts

I’m so very on-the-fence about this song. I’ve never been a fan of remakes of musicals that randomly add songs that weren’t in the original. Especially when the new song doesn’t quite fit the style of the rest of the songs. Francesca Hayward’s voice is gorgeous, though, and the song really is quite good if you ignore the fact that it’s shameless ‘Best Song’ bait thrown into a musical that didn’t really *need* a new song.

Magical Gus/Gus The Theatre Cat

Combining my thoughts about these two into one blurb, since the former is only 36 seconds long. Having not seen the movie yet, I have no idea of the context behind ‘Magical Gus’, but it’s quite pretty. As for ‘Gus the Theatre Cat’, I’m once again conflicted. The first-person POV that the movie keeps using is still very jarring here. That said, Sir Ian McKellen as Gus was possibly one of the best casting choices of this entire thing. I miss it being Jellylorum telling the other cats about his awesome and illustrious career, though.

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat

Skimble sings most of the song anyway, so it was slightly less jarring to hear him singing a few more lines than he maybe should have in this one. What threw me off, though, was the change of verb tense and the fact that they cut a few bits from this song. Being that it’s always been one of my favorites, I was sad about that. Overall, though? Not terrible.

Macavity, The Mystery Cat

Like Old Gumbie Cat, this is one that I almost didn’t finish listening to. From the moment I heard that Taylor Swift had been cast as Bombalurina, I was skeptical, and this kind of confirmed my worries. While I do like some of Swift’s songs, she was not the right person for this role. The singing was very overly breathy, which I think might have been an attempt to be sultry but just kind of sounded more like she’d sung it after running a mile and hadn’t stopped to catch her breath in between. The music was nice, though, and Macavity coming in at the end was...unexpected, but I’m into it.

Mr. Mistoffelees

While I do miss this one being primarily sung by RTT, Misto singing about himself almost works for me. Even without having seen the movie, it sounds like he’s trying to build up his courage rather than bragging about himself.

Memory

Here we go. The song that, even if you’ve never seen Cats, chances are you’ve heard it. It’s been covered over 600 times in countries all over the world. The movie’s version is, in my opinion, not bad at all. If anyone should have played Bombalurina, it’s Jennifer Hudson. She can belt, but she also knows how to dial it back for the quieter moments. Her voice does come off a bit warbly at times, but you can feel the raw emotion in it.

The Ad-dressing of Cats

Having seen various productions of the stage version throughout the years, I can say that no two Old Deuteronomys perform the role the same way, and this version is no excception. Dame Judi’s Old D felt somewhat reminiscent of Rex Harrison’s style of speak-singing as Professor Higgins. My feelings about this song are pretty much the same as my feelings about the soundtrack overall- Not terrible, not fantastic. Just...interesting.

[hoodwinkedtoohoodvsevil]

OKAY i have so much to say about dm3 so here’s my #Thoughts (spoilers) IT’S REALLY REALLY LONG

tl;dr i loved it bc of course i did but if you want my spicy feelse it’s below the cut

OKAY i’m basically doin this off the cuff scene by scene from memory (i’ve seen it twice) but also touching on just. aspects of the movie as i think of them.

i’m gonna start by saying what everyone knows but idc i’ll say it until the end of time: I LOVE FELONIUS GRU SO MUCH OHHH MY GOD HIS EXISTENCE MAKES MY LIFE GOOD

ALSO!!!! RLY MAD AT THE MARKETING OF THIS MOVIE BC IT COMPLETELY /LIES/ ABOUT GRU’S INTENTIONS!!! HE HAS NO INTENTIONS OF GOING BACK TO VILLAINY AT ALL THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE HIS ENTIRE PLAN IS TO STEAL THE DIAMOND BACK FROM BALTHAZAR TO GET HIS+LUCY’S JOBS BACK SO BASICALLY GRU IS PERFECT 

oky so i thought the movie was RLY GOOD it basically does everything good that the first two movies do. the girls are in this more than 2 which is a big improvement. 2 may always be my favorite just bc it’s mostly abt grucy but 2 has the biggest flaw of them all (it’s fuckin racist as hell) so at least dm3 isn’t as...flawed.

it’s main problem is that it’s got a looot goin on, which is kinda common for sequels (especially third movies onward) bc they gotta give existing characters that everyone knows/likes plots/development while also establishing/developing new characters. i don’t really mind this so much bc i like all the characters in this movie a lot. i do like some plots/subplots more than others but i personally was never like. overwhelmed. the only subplot i didn’t rly care about was the minions one but i’ll talk abt that later. it’s not terrible tho.

MY main problem (basically the only thing that bothers me when i watch the movie) is how soooo fast paced it is. like, i get that the other movies kind of are too, but i can think of multiple parts of this movie where it just would’ve been better to just. let stuff sit? like okay, i have some examples that i’ll address when i get to them.

okay actually goin scene by scene now

first scene is good it’s basically just the first trailer but longer. i’ve said this before but i had the clownfish part it’s the worst part of the whole movie. but at least it’s only like two seconds. agents grucy is still my reason for existence and i’m kinda salty they never called back to that but i’m still blessed. balthazar is honestly so fuckin funny and Truthfully i liked the part when he blasts (naked) gru away with his keytar way better in the actual movie than in the trailer bc playing jump by van halen during that part was fucking HYSTERICAL.

gru...is so fucking funny and extra. “i don’t want to waste another breath on him. AND ANOTHER THING!!!” honey please chill. also “you’re making me nervous” BABY NO

okaaay buuuuuut the scene after they get fired slays me. “honey, you didn’t have to do that, i know how much you love your job” “well, there are some things i love more” LITERALLY MURDER MY ASS GRUCY IS MY REASON FOR LIVING

also catch my ass overanalyzing what gru says and tracing it back to lucy’s backstory (her parents were killed by supervillains when she was very young for those who don’t spend their free time researching everything about dm canon). she didn’t just love her job bc it was fun, it had significant meaning to her and just. excuse me I’M NOT CRYIN

“we should really tell the girls...can you do it?” girl same

the luau scene isn’t new to me so i don’t have much to say except that I Love My Daughters More Than Life Itself.

OKAY OKAY BUT here’s an example of the too fast paced parts i’m talkin about. when gru tells the girls that he and lucy lost their jobs, i read the jr novel before i saw the movie and i thought that part would be/should’ve been slower. like when he goes “lucy and i were invited to...not work at the avl anymore.” like? it just felt like he’d be a little more hesitant when telling him. just felt like it should’ve had a tiny bit more weight to it.

also “and let’s NOT go to katie’s house anymore.”

listen. i don’t hate the minions catch my ass defending them most of the time but i’m so salty at them in this movie. i get that their purpose is to serve the baddest villain but they’ve been with gru for like 45 YEARS THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE FAMILY!!!!! aso gru has been away from villainy for like more than a year so can they just chill please. these minions ain’t loyal.

I KNEW DR. NEFARIO WAS GONNA BE FROZEN IN CARBONITE BC JR NOVEL BUT I DIDN’T REALIZE HE WAS GONNA BE IN THE EXACT SAME POSE AS HAN SOLO SO I LOST MY SHIT. AND WE NEVER SEE HIM GET UNFROZEN SO IS HE LIKE GONE FOREVER? RIP I GUESS

the take on me scene was soooo goddamn funny

lucy comforting gru saved my life. that scene was actually well paced it wasn’t rushed but it didn’t go on longer than it needed to. a+ scene.

i knew from the trailers that agnes was gonna sell her unicorn but i didn’t know she was gonna look so SAD WHEN SHE DID IT THAT DESTROYED ME

uhhh skippin a few scenes bc whatever. stuff we know from trailers. OH OH but “YOU TOLD ME MY DAD DIED OF DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN I WAS BORN” WHAT THE FUUUUUCK I LAUGHED BUT GOD WHY IS SHE SO MEAN

lucy on the plane tryin to engage with the girls. i’m so sad pls just let her feel like a mom.

gru’s private part

the first scene in dru’s house reminded me that illumination’s lighting is always KILLER that scene was so beautifully lit 

DRUUUU INTERACTING WITH THE GIRLS WAS HONESTLY SOOO CUTE?? esp the part with agnes it just felt like genuine kid dialogue. i love. and “SHE’S 12 SHE LOOKS 12 AND SHE WILL ALWAYS BE 12″ oh honey (but same)

OKAY the most bothered i was by the pacing in this movie was when gru was like “lucy can i get a fuckin uhhhh leave i feel like garb” and lucy was like “honey just deal”. that’s another part i read in the jr novel and thought would have more. emotion to it. like it didn’t need to be heavy or anything but i remember feeling really sad when i read gru say “i feel worse than i did when i came here” but in the movie it just kinda flew by? ESPECIALLY bc lucy was immediately like “well, he’s your brother just try to get along with him”. like, okay, you just had a scene of gru venting to lucy about feeling like a failure so you’d think if she found out meeting dru made gru feel worse she’d be like “oh no i’m sorry this isn’t what you were expecting and you feel even worse now” like she doesn’t need to say any of that but even just. a pause and a facial expression can say a lot. just a look of sympathy and then trying to cheer him up or be more optimistic like “well he is your brother and you were so excited to meet him and you only just met like you might eventually be glad you did this” that kinda thing. it was just sooo rushed it felt like nothing when it should’ve felt like Something bc lucy knows gru’s been feeling bad and just. a little sympathy would’ve been nice and still could’ve led to the same conclusion. but shit we gotta save time for the minions musical number i guess.

speaking of that i’m just gonna talk about that subplot in one bullet point. it was the one i cared about the least and had nothing to do with anything really. i’ll admit the singing part is kinda funny bc idk what it is but they always have good song choices for when the minions sing. like make em laugh in the minions movie and now modern major general like yeah those are minion songs yknow. and okay it is kinda funny when they’re in prison bc they just IMMEDIATELY show them and they’re like runnin the place. i figured there’d be some kinda transition but nope they get there and they rule the prison. also the first class/coach separation in the plane was funny but i have to wonder what dictates whether a minion ends in first class or coach. but yeah like i said i don’t really caaaaare and i’m salty over the minions leavin gru anyway so fuck em.

OH OH OH BUT THE PART WHERE MEL MISSES GRU AND IS REMEMBERING GOOD TIMES WITH HIM LITERALLY MADE ME CRY GRU IS SUCH AN ANGEL!!!!! THAT WAS ONE OF MY FAVE SCENES

okay rest of the movie. god this is so long i’m so sorry but i have SO MUCH TO SAY.

i don’t have much to say abt the scenes with gru and dru except i like them and i like their interactions. i didn’t think i’d like dru as much as i did  tho i do see how people could find him annoying. i guess i’m just like. well i’m lucy and he’s part of my family so yes i love him.

“gettin my sea legs, matey” meeeeeee

SAD LITTLE BOOTS WAS SOOOO FUNNY

BAR NONE THE FUNNIEST AND JUST MOST CHARMING SCENE IN THE WHOLE MOVIE WAS GRU AND DRU PRETENDING TO BE EACH OTHER. everything about that scene gives me life. it was sooo genuine and natural like when they couldn’t keep it up and just burst out laughing. they’re adorable i love my husband and my brother-in-law they’re such children. i just love that it was gru’s idea bc you know when he was thinkin about twin stuff on the plane ride there he was like ‘omg what if we switched places and pretended to be each other to fool ppl omg that’s a twin thing’ but it was so obvious bc kids can get away with that but they’re in their fuckin 50s you fools.

THAT REMINDS ME steve carell was honestly so good in this movie. like he’s always good as gru but he was rly good as dru too like obviously they sounded similar but i was never watching it and thinking “oh this is steve carell talking to himself” like he voiced both characters well and obvs they had different personalities and that rly came through and just. i love you sexy grey hair steve carell.

scene with gru and agnes was so damn pure just. everything i want out of a scene with gru and agnes. thank u illumination for my life.

gonna talk abt the agnes subplot in one bullet point bc there’s not much to it. basically i love my daughter, she’s an angel, and i like that we just. have a goat now. also another animation highlight in the scene where she and edith are in the forest looking for the unicorn. that forest was gorgeous. and again, beautifully lit.

lucy defending margo REPLENISHED MY ELECTROLYTES 

also when she was like “i gotta tell gru!” so precious omg i wish we could’ve seen her tell him about it that would’ve been so cute. 

love the scene of gru and dru sneakin into balthzar’s lair. good stuff. I DIE WHEN DRU WAS FREAKIN OUT IN THE VENT AND GRU WAS LIKE “hey relax :) it’s gonna be fine :) i got your back” I WANTED TO SCREAM WHY IS GRU SO PERFECT

i don’t ship druthazar (sorry dm fandom) but i still leaned over to david when dru was sitting on balthzar’s bed and i whispered “that’s not the last time he was in balthzar’s bed” bc i‘m funny

AND THE BEST PART IS YOU’LL NEVER :) EVER >:( DO ANYTHING BEHIND MY BACK EVER AGAIN >:(( RIGHT HONEYBEAR? :)))

sometimes you want a unicorn. but you just get a goat.

i was ready to declare the part where lucy comes in just loudly singing and then goes “you’ve been a baaad boy gru” and smacks his face my favorite lucy scene in the whole movie but the it was balthazar disguised as lucy and i’ve never felt more betrayed

also how did balthazar perfectly mimic lucy’s voice? when he was disguised as the museum guy it was clearly trey parker doing another south park voice but WHATEVER

while i’m thinkin abt it trey parker was fine as balthazar i guess like he was funny but i used to watch a looot of south park so i would so often just her the south park in his voice and i was like Alright

THE CLIMAX OF THIS MOVIE MURDERED MY ASS!!!!! i looooove this movie’s climax it’s easily the best of the dm franchise. i never wanted to murder balthazar with my bare hands more than when he left the girls for dead and tried to kill an unconscious gru with a giant lazer. i was SHOOKETH. lucy jumpin across the giant bubble gum...balls or whatever to save the girls was the BEST SHIT. dru saving gru was so good i’m so proud of him...love my brother-in-law. and the dance fight with gru and balthazar SAVED!!! CINEMA!!! i was screamin oh my god..i know y’all know i love gru with everything i am but y’all he’s SO GOOD IN THE CLIMAX OF THIS MOVIE

as lucy wilde, i can confirm that after i ran up and hugged gru i was covering his face with red lipstick and also being like “balthazar’s dead right? like not just caught, fucking DEAD? RIGHT??” he either lied to assuage me or I Found A Way

AGNES SAYING “love you mom” TO LUCY AND LUCY BEING LIKE “i’m a mom!!” KILLED WHATEVER WAS LEFT OF MY SOUL!!!!!

tho tho tho i’m still UPSET that the girls call gru by his name and not dad...like you gonna call lucy mom WHEN U GONNA CALL GRU DAD I’M GASPING FOR AIR

lucy was very dtf at the end she was like gru say good night to your brother and let’s go FUCK (and then dru had to go and interrupt it smh)

i was like UMMMMM at first when watching the very last scene but then when i saw how gru and lucy reacted to it i was like okay i accept this. he better have just been staying temporarily at their house and going back to freedonia soon tho bc i don’t think lucy would like the idea of a supervillain living her house.

gru n lucy gettin ready to go in for the kill. love it. love them forever.

trey parker’s singing in hug me (the credits song) sounds too much like andy partridge of xtc and like 0 people reading this (if anyone’s still reading oh my god) are gonna know what i’m talking about but it makes it quite the Experience whenever i listen to it

speaking of this is the best soundtrack out of dm 1-3 i’ve been listening to it the whole time writing this

SO IN SUMMARY hi i’m lucy wilde, and my husband and daughters are absolutely everything to me. as a viewer balthazar is the most entertaining dm villain bar none (overkills excluded obvs), but as lucy wilde i hope he fucking dies for trying to kill my family. dru is a good brother-in-law and is also a gay icon. this movie came out in pride month for a reason. dru (a gay male) and lucy (a pan woman) are true mlm/wlw solidarity.

i’m fuckin.

i love.

[mathes0n]

Open invitation to talk about how Audrey was under-utilized by the Lorax movie

Oh my god I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for my entire life 

Well, ONE way to improve the movie would be simply removing that entire Thneedvile subplot and making the entire movie about the Once-ler. Like, the movie starts off with a young boy going to visit the Once-ler in this dark and decrepit world. The entire movie is the Once-ler’s story, told with better pacing than the actual movie did. Unlike the original, show what a good guy the Once-ler was, make us invested in his character, show his gradual heel-turn into a shitty guy. If you wanna stay true to the original story, end the movie with the Once-ler giving the seed to the kid. If you want a more optimistic ending, show the Once-ler and the kid planting the seed together or something. Maybe the movie could be sprinkled with some pop culture references, akin to Shrek or Moana, but overall have a very sombering kind of tone and add more character to the Dr Suess classic.

“But we don’t want to just stick to the original,” a corporate suit might say to me. “We need it to be more peppy and modern. We need an unneeded het romance. We need it to appeal to the youth.”

Ok, I’d say, we can make that work. So how can we improve the Lorax (2012) using the characters and aspects that said movie presents to us?? Well, I’m no master writer, so this probably isn’t the best movie, but this is just my idea.

Mostly, by utilizing Audrey.

Alright, so, what do we know about Audrey? Well, she knows about trees. Why? Well, let’s say that in this hypothetical alternate movie, the intro scene is a parent/a guardian/some other adult figure (maybe a younger Norma as a babysitter??) telling a young Audrey about trees. Maybe she comes across old pictures of trees, and finds herself interested in them, and yearns to learn more. 

You see her curiosity bloom in this scene, and that could transition into the opening number Thneedville. Instead of Ted scooting around the singing residents, it would be Audrey. Like, she’s picking up paint from the store, and everyone’s singing around her, and she clearly sticks out as a sore thumb (think the opening song from Beauty and the Beast, except no ones paying attention Audrey). After the song, you see her painting the trees on the back of her house (if she found an old picture of trees like I mentioned before, maybe she’s using it as a reference?? So it makes sense why she even knows what they look like), which leads to Ted crashing his toy plane in her backyard, like in the movie (except from her POV). She shows him her paintings, and gushes abt how she’d love to see a real tree (maybe she’s even the one who tells Ted about the Once-ler, but she’s like “I’m terrified of leaving down, have you seen the cameras everywhere? O’Hare’d go after me and my family for sure” and Ted is just stupid enough to attempt to do it himself). I don’t know, something along those lines. Maybe Ted flat out doesn’t care about trees at first, and finds Audrey’s fascination weird, and she has to convince him. Something like that

This would lead to Ted finding the Once-ler, and that would more or less be the same. However, whenever the movie isn’t focusing on the Once-ler, it’s focusing on Audrey’s story within Thneedville. Instead of the Ted/O’hare confrontation that we got in the movie, Audrey finds O’Hare in her backyard as his guards are painting over her trees. O’Hare could be like “Nice paintings Audrey! Where did you learn about these :)?” and Audrey is glaring him down (and showing some actual character mayhaps???)

And since I’m a sucker for parallels, I imagine parallels being very evident in this version of the movie??? Like at first, you see Ted being kinda dismissive of Audrey’s passion for nature, though eventually giving in (this would parallel the Once-ler, a man with an ulterior motive behind nature, and the Lorax, a creature who genuinely cares about nature). Then, later on, you see O’Hare and Audrey’s confrontation, which would parallel the Once-ler, a cruel business tycoon, shutting down the nature-loving Lorax. Not only would this give a bit more character to the main characters, but it could also show the similarities that Audrey has to the Lorax (which I think the actual movie was trying to go for??? Maybe????) and also show just how terrible the Once-ler has become??? He went from someone as innocent as Ted to someone like O’Hare??? I don’t know. I love parallels 

These stories would come back together when Ted gets the seed and shows it to Audrey. Though I hate that chase scene at the end of the movie, I think it’d be more or less the same in this edited movie. (Maybe there’s some kind of scene where Ted almost gives into O’Hare’s words? Like, he’s got the seed and he’s like “Is it really worth this much trouble, Audrey? Things aren’t SO bad, they COULD be worse” and Audrey’s like “my dude that kind of thinking is what got us here in the first place”. Idk it’s kind of a stretch that could potentially be a good idea maybe?) It’s Audrey who says “I speak for the trees” and gives the big speech at the end. They do the the Let It Grow sequence, and Audrey and Ted plant the seed in the ground together (there’s no cheek kiss. theres. theres just no cheek kiss. maybe she ruffles his hair though, like a big sister)

Then you get the ending, where old once-ler is watering his trees and the Lorax comes down and they have their reunion scene, just like in the actual movie. However, before the credits roll, you see Ted and Audrey coming up over the hill. Ted motions to Audrey like “she’s the Real person who cared a whole awful lot and i wanted her to meet you” and you see Ted and Audrey standing across from the Once-ler and the Lorax and its like... it’s almost like Ted and Audrey are the “new onceler and lorax”???? Like, the Onceler and the Lorax are familiar faces to old fans of dr suess. Adults and what have you. Ted and Audrey, though, are voices for the younger generation. The younger kids watching the movie

i dont know. parallels are fun. i dont know what im saying

Anyways YEAH thats my idea for how they couldve improved the Lorax movie and utilized Audrey more??? Sure it wouldnt have been perfect, hell it probably wouldnt have been GREAT, but these are just the ways that I think I personally wouldve enjoyed the movie more and I hope u all enjoy