#the tyler thing is just SO horrifying and yet understandable when we got to that part of the book i screamed because like. of COURSE

[rotzaprachim]

“Who are you?” “I’m you if that whole plotline about the absent messy father who is Always Playing A Part and the isolated son who becomes a controlling yet charismatic cult leader with long shiny hair in the aftermath of unthinkable destruction were very well written and acted” 

[middleearthpixie]

Lockdown

A/N: A Guy of Gisborne/John Porter Crossover, part 4 

The police code here is one I found for my home state and while the first fifty ten-codes are generally used in all 50 states, they can still vary. I may have also taken a bit of license with what the procedure would be in the instance of a school shooting. 

10-20 - advise to location 

Summary:You and John Porter have broken up, but when tragedy hits a little close to home, you’re both rethinking your priorities

Characters: John Porter, Guy Gisborne, Reader, numerous eight graders 

Warnings: Some tension, hints of gun violence in a school setting

Rating: T

Word Count: 3,889

***

You sighed as you tapped your pen against the blank notebook page on the table in front of you. You were between classes, listening to the din coming from the hallways that was sixth, seventh, and eighth graders all changing classes. 

A yawn worked its way to your lips. You hadn’t been sleeping well and hadn’t been for weeks, now. Not since the night you and John broke up. You tried not to think about it. Tried not to think about him. But that was, of course, easier said than done. You’d met on a blind date set up by mutual friends who were a couple and so thought everyone should be paired off. Unlike most blind dates, this one ended on the highest of notes and in a blaze of sinful passion that was the start of one of the most wonderful relationships you’d ever had. 

Maybe you should have seen the end coming, but you didn’t. After all, he seemed so absolutely supportive of your decision to go back to school and get your Master’s in American History so you could maybe teach at the high school level as well. But then as your workload piled up and your free time shrank until it almost disappeared, it took its toll on both of you. You began fighting over the stupidest things, until finally, in a moment of utter frustration, you told him, “Look, we want different things I guess. Maybe we should just take a step back for now.”

“Okay, tell you what. When you decide I’m as important as—” He held up the book you had to finish; All That She Carried, the Journey of Ashley’s Sack, a Black Family Keepsake—“this, give me a call.”

“John, you were the one who told me what a great idea you thought this was, that you’d understand if things got crazy. Well guess what? They got crazy.”

To which he said, “Sounds good. Call me when you’ve decided you’ve got time for me again.”

With that parting shot, he stormed out of your apartment. It was the last time you saw or talked to him and that was almost six weeks ago. He’d left a couple of terse voicemails but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him back. You tried not to think about what he was doing. Angel told you over coffee a week ago that he’d started seeing someone else and both she and her fiancé, Guy hated this new woman. She and Guy were planning their wedding and trying, she’d confessed, to find a way to keep John’s new girlfriend from coming to it. That conversation left you dead inside. You were Angel’s maid of honor. You would have no choice but to see John with your replacement and the thought alone made you want to throw up. 

The bell rang and your students filed in, laughing, chatting, texting without looking up from their phones or bumping into anything—which amazed you as much as it horrified you—and as they took their seats, you stood. “Good morning! Phones away, we’ve got a lot to cover this morning, beginning with your paper topics. Have you all decided what you’re writing about?”

The voices rose as one loud buzz and you smiled. “Okay. Let me try that again. Who here does not have a topic yet?”

With that, the buzzing dulled and three hands went into the air. You smiled. “Okay. Lisa, Deja, and Tyler. Good. The rest of you, take a look the questions I’ve written on the board and start answering them. Lisa, why don’t you come up and we can talk about what you might want to do. Deja, next, and then Tyler.”

The others grumbled, and two of the girls took out their phones instead, to which you said, “Elena, Donna—up here with the phones and into the basket they go.”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m dead serious, Donna. Let’s go.” You moved the wire basket that sat on the opposite corner of your desk to the other side of your desk. “You know the rules.”

They muttered under their breath, but each girl came up to drop her phone in the basket. “Anyone else think they might need to prevent themselves from becoming distracted?”

No one else moved and all phones went away. 

“Good. Now, get to work. Lisa, come on up and—”

The PA system crackled to life to interrupt you. “Good afternoon, students and staff. Brunswick High School is currently in a lockdown. Please lock all doors, shut off all lights, close all blinds, and move to the corner farthest from any doors and windows. Remain silent and mute or turn off all cell phones. This is not a drill. Again, Brunswick Hills High School is currently in a lockdown. Please lock all doors, close all blinds, and move to the corner farthest from any doors and windows. Remain silent and mute or turn off all cell phones. I repeat, this is not a drill.”  

You stood up. “You heard Principal Bailey. Phones off. Back corner, guys. And be quiet.” 

They stood almost as a unit and moved to the far corner of the room, where a low metal bookshelf stood just beneath the windows overlooking the courtyard. You skirted your desk to the door at the back of the room, pulled the shade, and then locked it, then flipped the lights off before moving to the door at the front of the room to lock it and pulled down that shade as well. Then, one by one, each window shade came down and the room sank into darkness.

It wasn’t a drill, but it also wasn't the first real lockdown you’d ever been through. Last year, there were two that wound up being nothing, so you weren’t really all that frightened. Your heart sped up a little, but you paid little attention to it as you moved over to where your students sat.

But then you heard it. 

Pop!

Pop!

Pop!

The noises were faint, but enough to make you jump and none of you needed to be told what you heard. And your heart sped up as you looked at the thirteen and fourteen year old faces in the corner. They knew it as well. 

“Keep quiet,” you whispered, putting a forefinger to your lips. “I’m sure the police are on the way, if they aren’t already here, and—”

“That sounds awful close,” Deja whispered.

More popping sounds. Louder this time. 

You looked around your room. You were on the second floor. The courtyard could only be accessed by way of the first floor, there was no exterior way into it. There were two cabinets that could hold two, maybe three of your kids each. That left fourteen students that would be sitting ducks. 

The commotion in the hallway grew louder. Boots sounded. Voices rose. The popping grew louder. Lisa let out a squeak, and Tyler clapped his hand over her mouth to quiet her. 

“It’s okay, guys,” you said, your voice far calmer than you actually felt. But you couldn't let them see you were scared as well. If you were outwardly calm, they would remain calm as well, and that was important. You knew the drill. You were ready. 

Of course, being ready didn't mean you weren’t scared as all fuck, because in truth? Your hands would be shaking like crazy if they weren’t balled against your thighs. You had to at least appear calm to keep them from panicking. You looked at those scared faces around you, some of whom had pulled their phones out and were texting like mad now, and you were supposed to confiscate the devices, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Stories of previous school shootings flashed through your mind. Columbine. Sandy Hook. Parkland. Some of those texts were the last words their parents would ever hear. 

A shadow passed the back door. Your heart stopped beating as the door handle rattled. And rattled again. 

A hand caught yours. You looked over. Tyler. He was such a sweet kid. He was new to the school and hadn’t quite figured out where he fit in just yet, but the others in class liked him and little by little, he was beginning to bloom.

You put a finger to your lips. He nodded. 

The shadow moved.

To the front door. 

You’d never heard a gunshot up close. It rang out and deafened you for a moment as glass sprayed inwards. A hand came through the hole that used to be a window. 

“Stay down.” You whispered this as you got up. Your heart hammered your ribs hard enough that black dots actually danced before your eyes. You’d never been so terrified in your life, and would have thought you’d freeze in this moment.

But you didn't freeze. You looked over your shoulder at the kids who were instead frozen in place, phones forgotten even as text bubbles popped up on screen after screen. 

“If something happens, do whatever you can to protect yourselves,” you whispered. “The police are coming.”

The hand caught the lock and turned it and you stood there, just waiting, barely breathing. Barely hearing anything over the rush of your own blood through your veins, through your temples. You heart raced. Your mouth was beyond dry. 

You waited.

John’s blood roared through his ears as he and Guy pulled up to John F. Kennedy Middle School. SWAT was already there. Paramedics and ambulances were also already there, just in case. He and Guy really didn't need to be, but as soon as he heard the alert go out, all he could think about was getting to the school. 

About getting to you.

“Shit,” he muttered at the sheer number of responders. Police. Ambulances. All with their flashers going but without any accompanying sirens. This was his first time responding to an active shooter in a school situation and that it was your school… 

He wanted to vomit. 

“Come on,” Guy tugged the keys from the ignition and thrust open his door, “let’s at least see if we can get a status update.”

“I should have called her last night. I wanted to,” John said as he climbed out of the car. “And I can’t explain why, because she’s made it clear to me she doesn’t want to talk to me. But I just had the urge to call her.”

“She knows about Stephanie.” Guy slammed the driver’s side door shut. “Angel told her.”

“Knows what? There’s nothing to know. It’s not like she’s my girlfriend.” At Guy’s long look, John shook his head. “She’s not. I’ve done nothing with her.”

“Really? Not even a kiss?”

John almost smiled at the disbelief in Guy’s voice. “Not even a kiss. It’s just not there for me. I’m not the least bit interested in kissing her or anyone else.” John moved around to the trunk and popped it, then bent over to fish out the kevlar vests with the reflective letters BHPD and Police on them. “Here.”

Guy took his and eased it over his head. “Then fucking call your teacher already, will you? You’re miserable. She’s miserable. And Angel’s pissed at both of you, which means I’m always running the risk of being miserable as well.”

John adjusted the Velcro on his vest. “Guy, I just told you—she doesn’t want to talk to me. I’ve called her about half a dozen times since we broke up and have gotten only radio silence.”

The radio on his hip crackled. “We have the suspect pinned down. Second floor classroom. Two hundreds. He’s got a teacher and about fifteen kids trapped in a classroom. Over.”

Another voice came over. “Ten-twenty. Over.” 

“Room two-twelve. Over.”

Guy lifted his radio. “Unit Fifty-Seven reporting. We just arrived on scene. Status? Over.”

“Unit Fifty-Seven, stand by at this time. Repeat, Unit Fifty-Seven, stand by. We have officers in place. Over.”

“Copy.” Guy lowered the radio. “You okay?”

“No, I’m not fine. I want to storm in there and take this guy out and that I can’t is killing me, man. I have to trust these guys—” he gestured to all of the uniforms around them—“and that’s the last thing I’m really able to do right now. And what about you? You okay? I mean, Angel teaches here, too, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah. But she took a personal day. Wedding stuff. So, right now, she is at any given mall in the state trying to find whatever it was she was trying to find and don’t ask me what because I have no idea.”

John couldn't ignore the way his gut bubbled. “Do you know if she’s doing this wedding stuff alone? Maybe she needed her maid of honor with her?”

Guy just gave him a look. “She’s here, John. Sorry, man. Angel is solo on this one.”

“Shit.” He peered over the top of their car at the officers swarming into the building. School shootings were something he simply was not used to, would never get used to, and he’d be lying if he said otherwise and it took every bit of will he had to remain where he was, because in reality, all he wanted was to get to you.

The gunshots rang out and both he and Guy spun towards the building’s north wing. Their radios went wild at that moment, with officers shouting over the pop!pop! of gunfire and then everything went horribly silent. 

“Officer requesting medical assistance to room two-twelve,” a voice crackled. “Gunman breached the classroom door and just began firing. Over.”

“Copy that. How many victims? Over.”

“Two, but injuries do not appear life threatening. Repeat, injuries do not appear life threatening.”

“And the suspect?”

“Killed at the scene.”

With that, the first responders flooded the building and John was right behind them. He had to see you, and to make sure you were okay. That was all that mattered. 

Everywhere, uniforms swarmed, escorting kids and adults out of classroom after classroom in a relatively orderly fashion. They were all oddly silent, at first, but once they were outside the building, and they caught sight of their parents or other family members, they bolted. Students hugged students Teachers hugged groups of students. Teachers hugged one another. By now, civilians cars—parents, no doubt—lined Maple Street and as kids ran out, parents swept in. Reunions were tearful, with other officers trying to keep parents from going into the building itself.

He took a step toward the building and Guy’s hand met the middle of his chest. “Porter, wait here.”

“No, I’m going in.”

“You’re not. You know the drill. We aren’t needed and we wait right here.” 

“But—”

“Right here, John.”

He glared at Guy. “Would you be waiting if it was Angel in there? Because you know you wouldn’t.”

“No,” Guy shook his head, “I wouldn’t. But you’d make damn sure I did and you know it. Now, I know it sucks, but we wait. Right here.”

John knocked Guy’s hand from his chest and stepped back. Guy was right and John knew it, but that did nothing to calm his nerves at all. He couldn't stand still. He paced. Along the sidewalk to the end and then back, where he said,“Any word?”

Guy could only shake his head. “Not yet. But, they haven’t called for any more medical assistance. Just for the two and those were non-life threatening injuries, so she’s probably fine.”

John didn't reply. The words stuck in his throat. All he could think about was the last conversation the two of you had. He was pissed off because you were supposed to go to dinner and you canceled because your reading for school was piling up and you had to get caught up. He’d acted like a spoiled git because you needed to catch up on things. And why did you need to do so?

Because he demanded you put him first. 

“Okay, tell you what. When you decide I’m as important as—” He held up the book you had to finish; All That She Carried, the Journey of Ashley’s Sack, a Black Family Keepsake—“this, give me a call.”

“John, you were the one who told me what a great idea you thought this was, that you’d understand if things got crazy. Well guess what? They got crazy.”

He sighed now. “I should’ve never walked out. I should have stayed there and insisted we work it out. Fuck.”

“What?”

He looked over at Guy. “We broke up because I was jealous. She was going back to school and all of the sudden didn't have any time for me—at least as I saw it. And I got mad. Told her to get her priorities straight, meaning put me first. She rightfully told me to fuck off and here we are and Christ, now here we are and I don’t know if she’s one of the injured and I’m just supposed to sit here and wait?”

“Yeah, John,” Guy replied softly, “that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do…”

Your hands shook and Tyler tightened his about one of yours as he said, “We made it. We’re okay. It’s over.”

You couldn’t speak. Your throat seized up as you looked first at the hand wrapped about yours, and then at the kids still in the classroom. Lisa. Deja. Donna. Tyler. Suriya. Elena. Nicole. Cameron. Dante. Gil. Samantha. Cody. Jaxon. Mackenzie. They were all there, alive and well and in one piece physically. They all looked shaken up, pale and so very young. But you managed to smile. “Text your parents,” you said softly. “Tell them you’re all okay.”

“Are you all all right?” An officer came into the room. “Is anyone injured?”

“No,” you told him, shaking your head, tightened your hands into fists again to hold the shaking at bay. “We are all fine.”

“Okay. McMichaels,” he looked over his left shoulder, “escort them out to the main parking lot.”

“Got it.” A second uniform came into the room and you tried not to pay much attention to how they just stepped around the prone figure on the floor. Tried not to pay much attention to the blood pool that slowly widened under him. 

The gunman still lay on the floor, half in the classroom, half in the hallway. A small hole in the first window was the only evidence that a sharpshooter from across the courtyard had impressive aim.

“Come with me, guys,” you told them softly, catching Tyler’s hand to help him to his feet. “Don’t look at him. Just look straight ahead, okay? Go on. I’ll be right behind you.”

They followed McMichaels, and you followed them and you tried to ignore the controlled chaos around you of paramedics and stretchers, of shattered glass, expended shell casings, and the lingering acrid scent you assumed was from the gunfire. 

“Right this way.” McMichaels led you down the main staircase and past the main office, out into a deceptively sunny, beautiful November afternoon.

As you stepped outside, you saw John and your heart stopped. You’d never been so happy, so relieved to see someone. He was pacing like a caged tiger, but then he stopped and spun about and as his steel-blue eyes met yours, he made a beeline for you.

“Thank Christ,” he growled as he swept you into his arms, crushing you close, one hand buried in your hair, his other arm so tight about you, you could barely breathe. “You’re all right, love? Tell me you’re all right.”

“I’m fine. My kids are fine and I’m fine,” you managed to grit before your throat tightened and your eyes overflowed. Without thinking, you wrapped your arms about his neck and clung to him, breathing in the sinful scent he always carried—sandalwood, eucalyptus, cinnamon.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered back, squeezing you until you thought he might actually squash you. He lifted you off your feet briefly. “I’m so fucking sorry…”

“I’m okay,” you told him, sniffling as he set you down and you stepped back. “You didn't need to come—”

“Yeah, I did. As soon as the call came over, we were on our way.” He cupped your face in his hands, his thumbs moving slightly along your cheeks in the soft caress that you loved so much. You just gazed up at him, at that handsome, angular face, into those pale blue eyes. He had a way of making you feel so tiny and delicate. Maybe it was his size—he was nearly six-foot-three and all broad shoulders and wide chest. Maybe it was that he was former military and just exuded that confidence about him. You didn’t know and you didn't care. All you knew was you’d missed him. 

“Can we talk?” he murmured. “I mean, once you’re cleared to leave?”

“Do we have anything to talk about?”

“I hope so. I’ve missed you.”

“Really.” You tried not to lose yourself in his beautiful blue eyes. “What about Stephanie?”

“She was a mistake. And will probably be very glad to never hear from me again because she knew my mind was on you the entire time.”

“Bullshit.”

“Ask Guy. I’ve been miserable. I don’t like sleeping alone any more. But, trouble is, the only woman I want to sleep with is you.”

Your heart skipped a beat at that. “John—”

“I was an asshole, love,” he broke in softly. “And I do hope you’ll give me another chance. I promise you, I will make it up to you.”

“John, I—” You sighed softly. “No, you weren’t an asshole. At least, not entirely. I was, too, and I’m sorry. I expected you to just sit and wait until I had time and that’s not fair to you, either.”

“So, why don’t we start over?” He leaned in to brush your lips with his. “Want to grab dinner or something tonight?”

You smiled. “I’d like that, yes.”

“Good.” He swept a light kiss against your lips once more, then as he straightened up, he said, “Come on, let’s get you away from here.”

“Please,” you said, shaking as your adrenaline finally slowed up and a sudden wave of utter exhaustion slammed over you, “I just really want to go home now. Go home and have a strong drink.”

“Are you okay? Do you need one of the medics?”

“I’m fine. Just shaken up. He never got into our room. He got the door opened and then a bullet came out of nowhere and—” The image flashed through your mind and you shuddered involuntarily, your gaze sweeping across the school lawns. You saw a few of your students still there, and your throat squeezed shut once more. “Thank God none of my kids was hurt.”

“From the looks of it, the injuries were all minor. You were all lucky.”

You nodded slowly. “I know, but still…”

“Come on.” He slid an arm about your shoulders and guided you away from the building, whose entrance was being cordoned off with crime scene tape. You had no idea how long it would be closed for, and you really didn't care at the moment. You just wanted to go home.

With John. 

***

Tag List: @tschrist1 @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @linasofia @fizzyxcustard @legolasbadass @kibleedibleedoo @xxbyimm @arrthurpendragon @exhausted-humxn-being @rachel1959 @laurfilijames @sketch-and-write-lover @sherala007 @enchantzz @knitastically @notlostgnome @myselfandfantasy @medusas-hairband @guardianofrivendell @jotink78

[might-be-a-zygon]

Flat 40b

Chapter Four

What Choice to Make?

“Jenny.”

The Doctor stood stock still, just watching as the all-too familiar figure leaned easily against his doorway, as though she hadn’t been dead for centuries. He just about registered the other blonde he’d been talking to making a beeline for the door, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care, because that was Jenny, and she was here, and she was alive. He wasn’t entirely sure how it’d happened, but frankly, he didn’t care.

Maybe, just this once, the Universe had decided to be kind?

“Hi dad.” She gave him a knowing smile as she repeated the first words she’d ever said to him.

“How-“

“I don’t know.” She admitted. “I woke back up. Guess I’m a bit more like you than we thought. I’ve been trying to find you but you’re not exactly easy to track down. I kept missing you.”

The Doctor’s grin turned sheepish for a minute, before returning to something between shock and awe. “I don’t like to stop running for too long.”

“I hadn’t noticed.” She replied, her voice full of mock-earnestness.

“Oh and you got cheeky!” Despite his words, the Doctor wasn’t a bit annoyed about that fact- he looked positively delighted. “Does that make you a teenager now?”

“Well, I was born as an adult and I’m not sure how aging works for Time Lords but-“

“Oh you’re definitely a teenager! What have you been doing all this time?”

“Looking for you, mostly. I went into the family business.” That one earned her a confused look from the Doctor, who made a vague gesture for her to sit down in the empty seat near his desk, though he didn’t sit down himself. How was he supposed to sit down when he was still fizzing with excitement? “And the family business is…?” “Running around. Saving people. Fighting the bad guys- all the stuff you’re best at. You know I-” The Doctor cut her off before she could finish that thought. “I should have waited.” He cut in quickly, needing to get the apology out there. He’d never been great with apologies (though judging by the notecards he’d found in his drawers he’d been trying to improve at some point), but this one felt too important to let slip past. He’d left her for dead and she’d been looking for him ever since. How was he supposed to ignore that and just pretend to have a normal conversation knowing how long she’d spent looking? “You didn’t know.” Jenny managed a smile, though there was enough of him in her that he could recognise the façade. “I knew you were like me. I knew how long it takes for a Time Lord to properly die. I should have stayed with you, made sure that they didn’t try to…” He cut himself off before he could get into anything too horrifying. Being buried prematurely was something Time Lord’s always had to consider when they weren’t with their own kind- it was something he’d narrowly avoided himself, when he’d worn his seventh face. In an attempt to lighten the mood, he smiled again, leaning against the edge of the desk. “So- how did you find me in the end?” “Well,” Jenny looked him over, “You attract attention. A mad professor who hasn’t aged in seventy years? it seemed like it was worth a shot.” “Mad professor?” He looked a little offended, but the expression was so comical it just made her laugh. “You’re not exactly teaching a standard curriculum in there are you?” “Curriculums are boring.” The Doctor dismissed. “I’ve gotta admit though- it’s not the face I was expecting. I was a little worried you wouldn’t recognise me yet, what with Martha not-“ The Doctor’s face suddenly fell, and he found himself leaning forwards across the desk slightly. “Martha?” “Yeah? She doesn’t know me yet, so I kind of assumed that this must have been where you met her, since-“ “She didn’t go here.” The Doctor cut her off again, too in his own head to worry about politeness. “The timing is off anyway, she’s been out of University for years! She- by now she’s married, they have a son. She definitely wouldn’t be here.” He turned to look at her, his expression grave. “You’re sure it’s her?” “I spent my first day alive trying to save her, remember?” Jenny raised an eyebrow. “It’s definitely her. She’s one of my flatmates. I don’t understand-” “And you live with Bill? Two of my friends and my daughter wind up in the same flat, and-“ He glanced at the photograph of River Song on his desk. “My wife is here to.” That girl from before had said that River Song had turned up at the flat to help her daughter move in. Her daughter. “How did you meet River?” He asked, not quite sure whether he wanted to hear the answer. As soon as she’d given it, he wished he hadn’t asked. “Who?” “Well that was-“ “Yeah.” Thea murmured, glancing back towards the office. Her and Bill had left pretty much as soon as Jenny had started talking, both unwilling to get stuck in the middle of the family reunion. There was a moment’s silence before the both of them burst out laughing. It wasn’t exactly what they’d been expecting to happen- though at the very least neither of the parties involved seemed particularly horrified by the fallout, so she supposed some solace could be taken in that. “So, plans for the rest of the day?” Bill asked once they’d both calmed down a bit. Thea just shrugged. “Might just go for a walk. I keep dreaming I’m walkin’ around campus so that’s probably my subconscious telling me to learn my way ‘round. She laughed a little at the concept, shaking her head. “How ‘bout you?” “Dunno, really. I was

supposed to have a meeting with the Doctor but it looks like that’s not happening now. Might just head back to the flat and-“ She paused mid-conversation, looking off behind Thea at someone she couldn’t see. “I wouldn’t go up there if I were you!” She called. Turning around, Thea nodded a bald man in a bright orange coat heading for the stairs up towards the faculty offices. “Why not? Is he being grumpy again?” The man began heading towards them when he spotted Bill. “Well-“ Bill laughed. “Yeah, when isn’t he?” “Fair point- Oh!” He seemed to have spotted Thea. “Who’s this?” “Oh! Nardole this is my flatmate Thea, Thea- Nardole he’s-“ “I babysit-“ he began cheerfully, before she cut him off again. “He works with the Doctor.” “Oh, uh. Nice to meet you?” Thea looked between the pair of them a little perplexed. They seemed pretty unlikely friends, but the man seemed friendly enough- she wasn’t about to be rude just because he’d come a little out of the blue. “Likewise.” He inclined his head slightly in her direction, drawing out his response just slightly longer than most people would have done. At that point he turned back to Bill. “How come I can’t go up there again?” “His daughter came to visit.” Thea explained, trying not to do so in too dramatic a fashion. From the look of surprise on Nardole’s face, that didn’t seem to have helped. “You didn’t know he had kids either, then?” Bill asked. “I knew he did but- I thought they were all-“ He glanced at Thea again, “I mean, I knew his wife but-“ “He had a wife?” Bill looked even more invested now. “He never mentioned he had a wife.” A noise which might have been a scoff left Nardole’s mouth. “Well he wouldn’t have, would he?” “Well you can’t just leave it at that!” “Well I can’t just tell you about his private business, you know I do value my life.” Sensing that things were about to devolve into a personal conversation, Thea began to back away, leaving the two of them to their bickering. “I’ll see you at the flat later!” She called to Bill, waving as she began to back away, walking a vaguely familiar path which cut across a grass bank and led her off in between two buildings. She must have picked up more of the geography of campus than she thought. She came up to a dead end, flanked by a rusty old door, some rubbish bags, and some discarded pallets. Maybe not. “Jack?” Yaz had dialled the number about as quickly as she could after shutting herself up in her room, any question of getting lunch long since forgotten. She needed to know what a young Jack Harkness was doing here- and whether it had something to do with whatever had been tracking them before they landed here. “Yasmin Khan! Well if it isn’t my favourite police officer.” She distinctly heard someone shout “Oi!” on the other side of the line, followed by the middled thump of a cushion hitting the phone, and laughing from Jack. “Okay- okay. Second favourite officer!” He said, his voice slightly distorted as he turned his head away from the phone, before coming back in clearer a moment or so later. “Sorry- she got there first. So. To what do I owe the pleasure?” “I just ran into you.” “You’re in Cardiff? Is the Doctor refuelling?” Jack asked, suddenly sounding a little more interested. “We’re in Bristol.” Yaz clarified, taking a seat at her desk, and grabbing the notepad she’d been using to scribble down all the unusual things that had been happening. With the Doctor out of action for the time being it was her job to investigate whatever had been chasing them. “I’m not in Bristol.” “Well I know you’re not now. I ran into a younger version.” That certainly seemed to peak Jack’s interest. “How much younger?” “I couldn’t tell, really.” Yaz shrugged, before trying to explain herself, not wanting to come off as apathetic. “The Doctor said you age slower so it’s not exactly easy to work out.” “I don’t remember ever going to Bristol- at least not in this time zone.” He admitted. “What was I doing there? Did you talk to me or just walk past me?” “You were looking for one of my flatmates-

temporary flatmates.” Yaz corrected herself, quickly. She didn’t plan on staying here without her Doctor for any longer than she needed to. “It’s a long story,” “Isn’t it always?” She could practically hear the smile in his tone. “Who’s your flat mate?” “Rose-“ She didn’t even get a chance to finish saying the name- something about it seemed to have flipped a switch for Jack, pushing the joking note right out of his voice, and leaving him sounding serious, and a little sad. “Rose Tyler?” He asked quickly. She could hear worried tones coming from whoever was in the room with him, but couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. “Yeah?” “Man, okay. You ran into a real young version of me.” There was a slight pause, before he asked, “Did the Doctor see Rose?” “Well.” Not really. Thea Smith had seen Rose- but was that the same, on some level? The Doctor had said that Thea was her, even though they weren’t exactly the same person- Thea was the human version of the Doctor, so did that count? “…Sort of?” She eventually settled on, sounding wholeheartedly confused about the whole thing. “Is she okay?” He asked, sounding surprisingly earnest. Yaz was reminded briefly of walking with him, talking about the Doctor. She realised, again, that deep down, Jack really did love the Doctor. Then again, she didn’t really see how anyone could meet the Doctor and not come away with half of their heart forever stuck in the bottomless pockets of that stupid coat. “Why wouldn’t she be okay?” Now it was Jack’s time to sound baffled. “Well. Rose? I mean, she lost her a really long time ago but-“ “She lost her?” Yaz glanced behind her, as though she could see straight through the wood and across into Rose Tyler’s room. “They used to be close. Did the Doctor not mention that when you saw her?” “She’s- Not really herself right now.” Yaz glanced out of the window, pushing her fingers through her hair. She should braid it to keep it out of her face, if she was going to be dealing with stress like this. “What do you mean?” He sounded worried, and she suddenly felt a little guilty for trying to be cryptic. It wasn’t as though she was the only one who cared about the Doctor. “She- Something was tracking her- she used a-“ Yaz tried to think of the name of the thing the Doctor had used, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever given it a real name. “A machine thing, in the TARDIS to make herself seem human. I’ve just gotta look after her and lie low until whoever was looking gives up. She said if they’re looking for an alien man, we’re pretty safe.” “She used the chameleon arch?” Something about the tone of Jack’s voice showed that that was serious. “Where in Bristol are you?” “St Luke’s University. The TARDIS set her up as a PHD student- she’s going to love that when she wakes up properly.” She laughed, more of a nervous tick than anything. The seriousness that he was treating the chameleon arch with made it all feel a lot more real to her. “Oh! I do remember that. We sent Rose in undercover because of the UFO and stuff- I guess that was probably you guys?” He asked. Laughing, Yaz nodded as though he could see her, before actually speaking. “Yeah, I think it probably was. The Doctor was out cold and I don’t exactly know how to land the TARDIS properly.” “Nice to finally have an answer on that one. I think the Doctor just gave up in the end. Unless…” He trailed off, calling out to the person on the other end of the line. Yaz heard a couple of muffled voices respond, but she still couldn’t understand the conversation. A minute or so later, he came back to the phone. “What year are you in?” “Uh-“ Yaz actually had to glance over at the university calendar she’d pinned up on her wall to check. Going back such a short jump was disconcerting to say the least- it wasn’t like jumping into the far past. She was living through the same time twice. “2017.” “ Oh, great- not a big jump. I don’t exactly have access to reliable time travel right now but…” He paused, clearly thinking. “I know a guy who can probably help me out. I’ll be there in the

morning.” Thea glanced at the dead end she’d steered herself into with a sigh. She’d been so sure there was something down here. Glancing at the door, she frowned slightly. There was something off about the heavy-looking ring of the handle. It was faintly worn, and much too clean, as though it saw a lot of use, but the patina on the door suggested it was rarely opened. What could even be behind it in a building like this? She was no architect but with the number of offices inside it couldn’t be much more than a cupboard. Impulsively, she reached forwards, mostly just intending to pick the ring pull up and let it fall again, though when she did so it proved oddly stiff, and she wound up pulling the whole thing forwards rather than lifting it. It clicked into place with an odd mechanical thunk, and then the whole door began to open without her needing to touch it. It was a pretty odd design for an automatic door- almost like someone had wanted to hide whatever was inside. Then again, if they were hiding it why wouldn’t there be a lock? She stepped inside cautiously, moving down the stairs and towards an odd blue glow at the end of the corridor. There had to be something down here, else the place wouldn’t be lit up- but it wasn’t on any of the maps. Maybe she was just trespassing in somebody’s office but- Well, Thea had always been a little too curious for her own good. “Hello?” She called. There was no response. The door at the end of the corridor was odd to say the least. Well, it was more doors than a door- two huge silvery things covered in a pattern that looked a little like a series of clocks. “Bit ornate for a Uni basement…” She muttered, pushing lightly on one. It didn’t budge- however when she touched one of the odd glowing panels at the side of it, a little hatch did spring open, asking for a password. She stared at it for a moment, somehow doubting that ‘Password123’ would work here. She didn’t know the password. There was no way she could know the password, and yet something was nagging at her to try it anyway. No harm in trying, right? Reaching out a hand, Thea began to press buttons mostly at random, the thirty-two digits which popped into her head first. The string didn’t mean much to her, but the door began to open with a satisfying whirring noise. Pulling her hand back as though she’d been burned, Thea watched as the double doors peeled back, revealing the room behind them. “Are you guys coming to the- what is it tonight?” Rose glanced up from her cooking to look back at the other two women still in the kitchen. “It’s the comedy club thing, right?” Amy was already eating, so it was Martha she got a response from first. “Yeah, not really my scene, sorry.” Rose looked a little dejected, picking at the purple band tied around her wrist. She was already beginning to regret buying it. “Amy?” “Hmm?” She glanced up from her lunch, “Oh, not tonight, sorry. My-“ She hesitated for a beat, before continuing, “My boyfriend is coming round.” “You’ve got a boyfriend?” Rose asked, suddenly a little distracted from the congealed pasta in her pot, and the thought that she might wind up walking to the campus chippy. “What? Oh, yeah. Rory. He’s a nurse.” Amy picked her plate up, moving to scrape what was left on it into the bin before dumping it into the sink to be a problem for later. “What about you? Got anyone back home?” Rose played with the wristband guiltily. Should she mention Mickey? Were they even really still together? She still cared about him, but it’d been months since she’d seen him, and after she’d disappeared for so long- well he had to have started moving on, right? And then there was the Doctor… “Sort of.” She eventually settled on, though that somehow earned her an eyebrow raise from the Scot that let her know she was about to be pressed for further information. She decided to volunteer it before she could be asked, “I’ve got a boyfriend back home, but we’re- I think we’re sort of on a break? I don’t think the long distance thing is gonna work for us.” Amy had hopped up to

sit on the side by the time she emerged from the kitchen with her unappetising pasta-blob, leaving the whole table free. She swung her legs slightly, her boots clicking against the dodgy cupboard door. “And it doesn’t have anything to do with the handsome fella who was round here looking for you earlier?” She asked, a teasing note at the end of each word. Rose scoffed, “What? Jack? No. He’s just a mate- good mate, but no.” “But there is someone else.” Martha hadn’t spoken in a minute or so, but now her voice held enough of a knowing tone that Rose couldn’t exactly argue. It wasn’t as though there wasn’t someone else she cared about- even if it couldn’t actually go anywhere. “There’s- a guy I’ve got a bit of a thing for,” She started off, before quickly adding, “but we haven’t done anything. It’s not like anything’s ever gonna happen- don’t think it could.” “Why not?” “He’s just not that sort of bloke.” Rose pulled a face. It was hard to imagine the Doctor ever settling down- not that she’d need him to, really. She’d have liked to have a real relationship with him but- well. He was more than worth settling for. “Is he gay?” Amy asked. “What? No. Well, I don’t think so.” She thought briefly to how he behaved with Jack, “Bi, maybe, But- he likes to run around showing off for girls, I just don’t think he’s the dating sort.” “I’m starting to think I’m the only single one in the flat.” Martha remarked, looking as though she’d rather be off the topic of unattainable lovers. “Nah- I think Bill’s single. Jenny, too. At least I haven’t heard her mention anyone. ” Amy remarked. “Ash mentioned having a girlfriend- not that I’ve spoken to her much.” “Yeah, I don’t think she stays here much.” Rose glanced towards the door to the main hallway, making sure nobody was listening. She didn’t want Ash to think they’d been gossiping about her. “I’ve never seen her in the kitchen or anything.” “What about the other two?” Martha asked. “Thea and Yaz? I don’t think they’re together,” she broke into a smile, leaning across the table towards Martha, “But I give it a month.” “A month?” Amy cut in. “No way. Two weeks, tops.” Rose gave her a challenging look, “You want to bet on that?” “Oh you know I do. Twenty quid says they’re together within two weeks.” “You’re on.” Martha looked between them, “Isn’t it a bit weird to bet on our flatmates?” She asked, earning herself two sets of raised eyebrows in return. “…I say three weeks.” Of all the things Thea had thought could hide behind doors like those, this wasn’t one of them. A woman sitting alone at a piano, in Edwardian dress, giving her the most disdainful look she could manage. “He’s sending his pets to look after me now? As if this couldn’t get any worse.” Thea blinked, glancing at the woman, and then the doors behind her, clearly apprehensive about stepping any closer. Somehow, this all felt very, very wrong. “Sorry? Is this your office or something? Nobody sent me here I just-“ “Nobody sent you?” The woman cut her off. Thea nodded, and that grim look on her face suddenly transformed into a wicked smirk. “Oh now that is interesting. How did you get through the doors?” “There- Are you stuck down here? Should I call someone?” Thea looked genuinely concerned, but the woman just laughed. “Oh no, poppet. It’s not like that.” She looked at Thea expectantly, and when she didn’t get an answer she spoke up again, clearly a little exasperated. “Well are you going to answer my question?” “There was a code. I just- guessed.” Thea knew it probably sounded suspicious, but- well, nobody could accuse her of lying. She wasn’t sure how she’d known the code, it was just a very (very, very, very) unlikely guess. Well, that or there was something wrong with the system. “You guessed the code?” The woman gave her a disbelieving look. “You’re not one of his pets he’s sent down here to test me?” “One of his- who’s he?” Thea gave her another blank look. Who on earth was this woman and what was she doing in this mostly barren room? “Oh- Doesn’t matter. Since you got down here all by

yourself, why don’t you and me sit and have a wee chat?” The woman gave her a smile that showed far too many teeth to be comforting. Thea resisted the urge to back away. “I don’t bite- much.” As much as she wanted to just leave- to come up with an excuse and go back home as though none of this had happened, Thea had always been a sucker for a mystery. What could be more mysterious than a sinister woman in a hidden vault under the University? She felt rather like she’d stepped into a ghost story. Moving with some caution, she took one of the two seats near the little platform the woman’s piano stood on, getting ready to ask a question, which the stranger beat her to. “Call me Missy- what’s your name? Can’t promise I’ll remember it, but I’m told it’s polite to ask.” There was a moment’s pause, before Thea spoke again. “Thea. Thea Smith.” Missy faltered for a moment or so. “Thea.” She said, her fingers tapping a strangely familiar beat out on the lid of the piano. “Pretty name. I had a friend with a name like that, a very long time ago.” “You’re going to have to spend the night there sometime, you know.” Clara half-heartedly chastised, setting a cup down in front of Me, who was once again using one of the diner tables to go through what they’d gathered. The sky outside the windows was already dark, and yet Me seemed to be in no hurry to return to the flat- honestly she didn’t know why they’d bothered basing her there. She could have just as easily claimed to be an off-campus student and snuck in during the day to examine the odd readings. “No I don’t.” She replied quickly, waiting for Clara to slide into the booth opposite, before pushing a little pamphlet across the table towards her. “I’ve worked it out.” “What?” “All the funny readings. I know what they’re coming from.” Clara seemed to perk up almost immediately, leaning across the table with both hands wrapping around her mug as though she was cold- not that she could ever really be cold anymore. “It’s a handbook for new students- it has a full faculty list in the back, and-“ Me flicked through a few pages of the book, before pointing to one face in particular. “The Doctor. Doctor.” Clara read, smiling a little at the description. Where every other facilty member had ‘Doctor of’ with whatever they studied following their name, and in most cases, a department, he’d somehow gotten them to forgo that. “Wonder how he managed that- probably just refused to give a real answer til they stopped asking, actually.” “The readings are consistent with repetitive TARDIS landings.” Me tried to explain, but Clara shook her head. “It’s way too much, though. He’d have to be taking off and landing it six times a day.” “We’re probably skewing the readings a bit.” “Not that much.” Clara took the pamphlet from her, smiling just a little at the black and white picture of the Doctor. It was clear from the look in her eyes just how much she missed him. Me leant across the table slightly, taking one of her hands with an uncharacteristic gentleness. “We can just go if seeing him is going to hurt too much?” Clara shook her head quickly. “No- I want to figure out what’s going on here. Maybe he’s in trouble or something.” “He can-“ Me began, but Clara gave her a look that quieted her. They so rarely agreed where the Doctor was concerned. As much as she’d gotten past it, Me had a mix of guilt and resentment and some degree of affection for the man Clara so adored, and it was one of the few things they’d never really be able to reconcile on. Deciding, for once, to concede, she nodded, “We’ll work it out.” Clara flicked through the pages of the book idly, before stopping at a particular one. “What’s wrong?” “I-“ She traced a finger over the page. “I know her.” “Well, this was pretty much your time, before Trap Street.” Me reasoned, “You could have known her from anywhere.” Clara paused, looking at the picture a little closer. “No but-“ She was trying to think. Everything about what had happened that day was hazy- something about being scattered across the Doctor’s

time stream had ravaged her memories. “I met her. She was-“ Me glanced over her shoulder at the picture. “She’s just a professor. Archaeology, I think she said. Her daughter’s in my flat.” “She’s his wife!” Clara eventually said, startling Me to the point she very nearly spilled her drink. “She’s the Doctor’s wife- I met her once.” “I’d heard stories about him being married- I didn’t really believe them. Still, I don’t see the big deal- he brought his wife with him when he came to teach. That seems normal enough.” “She’s dead. He told me she was dead. She died years ago.” Clara tore the page out of the booklet, adding it to the file she’d been using to map their progress. “In fairness-“ Me gave Clara a look, gesturing between the two of them, “I don’t think either of us can talk about staying dead.” “She has to have something to do with all this.” Clara insisted. “I- We have to talk to her.” She picked up one of the red whiteboard markers which should have been for writing out specials. “What was the name again?” “River Song.” Me read off the sheet, still sounding less-than-convinced, though the revelation that the Doctor was indeed married had gotten her a little more invested. Clara wrote it down. “She came in with her daughter to help her unpack. Do you think that means-“ “That the Doctor has a daughter?” Clara gave her a startled look. “I know he had children once. A long time ago.” One thing was for sure. They really had to meet this woman.

[saiilorstars]

Falling in Temptation

Previous chapters • Sequel to Stars Dance •  Fairy Tale Memoirs (Companion story)

Ch. 19:  The Heist

Fandom: Doctor Who // Pairing: 11th Doctor x Female OC

Chapter summary: When Avalon is well done with her lockdown in the TARDIS, she manages to rope in the traveling gang for an old fashion heist!

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel​ [If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

"NO! I SAID NO! STOP IT!"

The Doctor burst into Avalon's room just as she woke up from her nightmare. Avalon sat upright with a jolt and cried without actual tears. It was more fear than actual tears she felt.

The Doctor rushed forwards and climbed on the bed. "Ava! You're awake now! It's okay!" Her breathing was jagged but once she saw him she realized he was right. She was in her room. She was safe in her room and not with Kovarian.

"There we are..." the Doctor gently pushed some hair out of her face. Her hair was a bit damp from the sweat that'd collected during her nightmare. "Safe and sound, okay?"

Once Avalon was fully awake she let out a frustrated groan and angrily kicked the sheets off her. "Not again! Dammit!"

The Doctor would've liked to stop her but why bother? There wasn't a lot to do to release that frustration so if she wanted to throw off the covers, she could. He only helped take the covers off in the when she started to tear up because they got tangled around her left ankle.

"I can't do anything right!" She buried her face into her hands.

"Ava, c'mon," the Doctor gently pried her hands off her skin and kept them both in his own hands. "What was it this time?"

Avalon groaned. "Kovarian had me again. But like... I think this was a new room. I can't really remember it that well. It was like a...a library of some sort? She was there...and the Silence...and more people but I can't remember them. I just know that I was pretty scared and sad."

"It's okay," the Doctor scooted closer to hug her. "If the memories come back then okay but we don't have to force them either."

Avalon remembered only fragments of her time with Kovarian and they mostly showed up in nightmares, like tonight. The Doctor made himself readily available when it so happened that Avalon chose to sleep. Every once in a while she would wake up screaming because she thought she was back with Kovarian. The sight of her in that state broke the Doctor's hearts. How he wished he could take it all away but it was clear that even a memory wipe wasn't enough to make the horrible memories disappear. Kovarian no doubt made it a thorough memory wipe but even then Avalon's unique brain didn't take it.

"Can you stay with me please?" Avalon whispered the question so frailly that the Doctor almost missed it.

"Of course," the Doctor smiled against her hair. It wouldn't be the first time he stayed with her after a nightmare until she fell asleep again.

"But like...like stay with me?" She raised her head off his chest and showed him her best sad eyes. "Until I wake up?"

"Oh I know it must be boring but...you're the one who saves me in my dreams. I'd feel a lot better if you were right next to me in real life too."

"I can't argue with your logic," the Doctor said. Avalon rolled her eyes at his smugness. "For my Ava, I'll do anything to make her feel better."

"Never has there been a truer statement said," Avalon sighed contently. "You do everything you can for me."

"I don't know about that..." the Doctor mumbled. He did try but it didn't mean he was successful at it.

"I do," Avalon watched him kick his shoes off. She had a strict rule about her perfectly white sparkly duvet covers not being soiled with dirt. It took only one lecture for that lesson to stick. "You're my Fairy Tale Man. You always save me."

"I try-"

"You do," she insisted. She reached to undo his bowtie, thinking it'd be too uncomfortable to lie down with.

The Doctor watched her easily maneuver the strings. She'd taken custom of undoing his bowtie every once in a while and he learned fast that he loved the feeling of her soft fingers touching his skin. Sometimes it wasn't even the bowtie she was aiming for, she just liked touching him. It was something intimate but not sexual, more gentle and...loving?

"There we are," Avalon handed him the the bowtie. "Wanna keep that in your pockets, right? Bigger on the inside?" God forbid one of those ever got lost. He'd go crazy for sure.

"You should sleep, c'mon," the Doctor scooted slightly so they could both lay down.

Avalon immediately scooted her body the amount the Doctor had pulled away. "I'm not sure I can sleep now."

"You're making me stay still, you're going to sleep."

Avalon laughed. "Fair enough." She snuggled up to him and practically pulled his arm over her waist. "That's better. Now I know for sure that I won't have another nightmare, not when my Fairy Tale Man is holding me."

"The trust you have in me is beyond me," the Doctor admitted with genuine guilt lacing his words.

"Oh shush. You have got to stop blaming yourself for everything bad that happens to people around you. That's what gives Kovarian fuel to her cause."

"How do you mean?"

Avalon sighed and tilted her head up at him. She'd been wondering when it would be the right time to tell him the fact that she knew about his previous companions and all the battles he'd been a part of; that Kovarian had forced her to learn everything. Maybe now is as good a time as ever...

The Doctor could see the struggle in her eyes and assumed it was yet another thing Kovarian caused. "Ava? You can tell me."

"...I'm afraid of how you'll react."

A ripple of anger flourished through the Doctor's body as he thought of what Kovarian told Avalon to make her fear telling him something. Despite his moral code, he was sure that if he ever saw that woman again...he'd kill her. And yet, as he passed a hand over Avalon's hair he did it so gently that Avalon could never guess the dark thoughts that were running through his mind right now. "You can tell me anything, Ava. You can always tell me anything." Avalon closed her eyes when she felt his lips press against her temple.

"I...I know about things...from your past..." she had spoken so quietly she wondered if he managed to hear her words. When he didn't respond, she tilted her head up again. He was still but there was a clear fear etched across his face. Now he was afraid.

"What-what kind of things?" his voice had fallen to a similar volume as Avalon's whisper.

"Kovarian made me learn about some of your previous, most recent, battles from your past. She thought that it would help brainwash me if she taught me the 'truth' about you."

"Oh..." the Doctor couldn't find a place to glue to his gaze to. His hearts were beginning to hammer under his chest just thinking what Avalon knew. This wouldn't be happening if you'd had the courage to tell her yourself, he snapped at himself.

He'd been focused on the happy, kissing times and actively ignoring the darkness that followed him. He was foolish to think that he could keep the blissful bubble around them forever. Sooner or later, Avalon would learn his past.

Avalon's hand slid from his chest up to his cheek. She could only guess what was going on in that big head of his. That's what Kovarian wanted. She wanted him to be guilty and ashamed because when he did feel those things, he would either let himself be killed or do the job for them.

"I understand it wasn't your fault," she assured him.

"What do you know?" the Doctor found his courage but he wasn't sure if he could hold onto it as she answered.

"I know about the Reality Bomb the Daleks built and how the walls of the universe were breaking down. One of your old companions, Rose Tyler, inadvertently helped break the walls when she was trying to get back to you. I know that the Daleks made you see how changed your companions were because of you." Avalon watched his face sink as she told him everything about the Crucible. She hated the way he couldn't look at her out of shame.

"I had to do it..." he weakly argued when Avalon reached to the point of Donna Noble's memory wipe. He swallowed hard just remembering the way Donna had cried and begged him not to take her memories. "I ruined her life...like I ruined everyone else's."

"You didn't ruin them, you changed their lives," Avalon flinched at his hard scoff. He pulled his arms from her body and moved away from her. She immediately missed his warmth but even as she tried to reach for his arm, he made himself scoot to the edge of the bed.

"Tell me what else you know," he instructed her, his voice cool yet she didn't miss the sharpness in it. There was no choice of keeping everything back.

With a sigh, Avalon went back to talk about the year that never was. As soon as she mentioned the Master, the Doctor's entire body flinched. His horrified expression told her she should've never learned about him. It made it all the more difficult to keep going. "I know about the...the Toclafane? I think that's what they were called. A lot of people died but I also know that it never happened. No one died." She then switched gears to the Battle of Canary Wharf. "I-I remember that the Cybermen...the robots...they were everywhere. And the Daleks. Kovarian showed me the pictures of the aftermath. That's how I remembered it better. So many people died..."

"And I was at the middle of it," the Doctor muttered. "I was the reason. I couldn't save everyone. Kovarian was right. I got up and left afterwards."

Avalon pursed her lips together. "You didn't do it on purpose. It's what happened when you crashed into Amy's garden."

"Avalon I know who I am. I know that I do change people. I mean, I changed Rose so much that she accidentally helped Daleks because she wanted to cross worlds. I did that on accident. Imagine the times where I've legitimately manipulated people to change."

Avalon lowered her gaze. She couldn't take his eyes the way they were, all dark and full of hatred for himself. "This is what Kovarian wants, you know. She wants you to hate yourself-"

"Oh she's a bit late at that, love. I hated myself long before she came about. Is this what she showed you, then? She wanted you to hate me as much as I hate myself."

"But I don't hate you," Avalon once again tried touching him but he got up from the bed altogether.

"Avalon, I would appreciate if you were honest here."

"I am being honest-"

"Avalon!" he snapped, startling her. Her blue eyes widened and blinked fast. "Sorry," he apologized. The last thing she deserved was to be yelled at. She should be yelling at him. "It's important to me, okay? Did learning these things make you think differently about me?"

Avalon swallowed hard. "If you want the truth? Yes...I was a little scared." She felt a twinge of guilt in her stomach when she saw the look of horror on the Doctor's face. "But you know that I'm not afraid of you. Would I be here if I was afraid? No. Right? It was a natural response given everything Kovarian showed me. I saw people dead but I never once blamed you. I am simply aware of the reality that you unfortunately have been in. I am so sorry you've endured all that. Nobody should ever have to."

"Kovarian showed you all that - a minuscule part of my horrors by the way - so you would join them, because she knows how dangerous I am. But that's not everything, why talk about my friends from the past? No," the Doctor almost stormed to Avalon's side. "Why? What could she want from that?"

"Oh Doctor, it's not relevant." Avalon turned her head away too fast for him to believe that was true.

"You look like it bothered you, or scared you. " He brought her gaze back with a finger under her chin. "What else happened, Avalon?"

The Doctor's eyes begged her to answer, for him. He needed to know how much they told her about him, how badly she would be scared of him. Avalon couldn't take it.

"She said you would leave me behind like you did with the others," she whispered. "You would change me, like you changed the others, and that you would leave me, Amy and Rory behind. We'd become more names to your list."

"Oh Ava..." the Doctor's eyes softened, his hands cupping her face, "I wouldn't...I couldn't! Not you!"

Avalon leaned into his touch. "She was so hellbent on making me change my mind about you, but I can't. I know what surrounds you, I know that sometimes people do change around you but they change because of everything they've seen. How could I not change when you've shown me different worlds? How could I not change after everything?"

"You shouldn't have to change, that was Kovarian's point," the Doctor moved to sit on the edge of the bed with Avalon. "Nobody should have to die because of me. If I wasn't around, how many people would be alive right now?"

Avalon held onto one of his hands before he could pull them both away from her face. "How many people would be dead if you hadn't helped them? Or...how many people wouldn't exist because of you?"

The Doctor couldn't help smile at that last bit. "Well...maybe it's not all that bad. I got you after everything. I got my Ava."

"And I want to be here for a very long time," she promised him. "I know the truth, Doctor, but it's not the distorted one you and Kovarian have. Believe me." She moved herself so she could hug him.

I wish I could, the Doctor silently thought. He held Avalon for as long as she wanted, but there was still a part of him that wondered if she wasn't just a little bit afraid of him after seeing the mass chaos he'd caused in the past.

~0~

"I'm bored! I am so bored!" Avalon dramatically walked around the console room, stopping between Amy and Rory. "Please, can we go out?" She threw her head back, squeezing her eyes shut. "Please?"

The couple shared the same irritated faces and even answered at the same time, "No!"

Avalon groaned and walked away from them. "But I'm bored! It's been weeks without going out! I'ts not fair! I got dressed and everything!" And she was pretty sure that she looked damn good for a day out. She'd rummaged through her closet and found a white wrap top with three-quarter puffy sleeves that she adored. She paired with light blue jeans and a pair of brown ankle-length boots.

"Jeez, you're worse than the Sapling and he's a child," Amy made sure to remind loud and clear so that Avalon would drop her games.

"Oh c'mon!" Avalon stomped her foot, making it clear that she would not be desisting anytime soon. "It's been months since I got back and I'm pretty sure my health is back to normal!"

"It'll never be normal again," Rory frowned but Avalon shushed him.

"If you're not on my side, don't help! C'mon guys!"

"Why are you even bothering us about this?" Amy threw her hands in the air and turned away. She loved Avalon, she did, but sometimes she got on her nerves. Right now was one of those times. "We're not the ones in charge of the TARDIS!"

"Course not, I am," the Doctor came in with the Sapling. "Why are we discussing who's in charge?"

"Doctor, I'm bored!" Avalon exclaimed. "Can we please go out?"

"Oh, I'd love to go out," the Sapling closed the book he was holding and excitedly turned to the Doctor. "Can we?"

"Avalon, why do you do that?" the Doctor sighed with annoyance. "You know hearing you say that makes him want to go out too."

"Really? Didn't know that..." Avalon failed to hide her knowing smile. This wasn't the first time she was asking to go out so she'd began to think of some tricks. "C'mon, it's been weeks since we went to Leadworth. I'm okay now!"

"Because you've been under constant watch," the Doctor reminded her. He was truthfully afraid of taking her out somewhere not sterilized. She was correct about her health - she'd been okay lately and her health was almost that of a regular human's - but it still didn't make the Doctor any less nervous. "I don't think it's a good idea." Needless to say, Avalon wasn't happy with his words. A deep scowl marked her face while he played casual and took the Sapling's book. "Here, why don't you read it? Seems like your kind of thing anyways." He held the book at her for a second before she snatched it from his hands.

"History of Jewels?" she read the title with an unimpressed look. "Seriously? You want me to read this?"

"I learned a lot from it!" the Sapling exclaimed happily. "I like the Fire stone best! What was its proper name, Father?"

"The Ignis Jewel," the Doctor tapped the top of the Sapling's head, making the tree child giggle. "It's actually quite impressive! You should read about it!" He told Avalon who responded with a groan.

"You're bored too," she watched him carefully avoid looking at her when he crossed the room to come up to the console. Ever since she told him that she knew about some of his past, he'd been so weird with her. She should've seen it coming though. As if the Doctor could ever let it all just go. The only thing Avalon hadn't worked out yet was how to get him to move on from it. And he certainly wasn't helping when he kept pissing her off.

"Doesn't matter what I think," the Doctor said from his newest spot away from her.

"Aha!" Avalon whirled around with a finger pointed at the Doctor. "So you are bored!"

"He just said it doesn't matter, Avalon," Rory said before the Doctor could answer. He moved around the ginger and tapped the cover of the book she was holding. "Why don't you go read instead? You love doing it anyways."

Avalon rolled her eyes. "You guys are so mean!" She stomped her way out of the room, leaving the group to hear her stomps getting father and farther.

"Sapling, why don't you go make sure she reads the book?" the Doctor asked, thinking that if the Sapling was around Avalon she would hopefully simmer down.

"Okay!" the Sapling turned and ran after his Mother.

"She is so bored," Amy shook her head.

"I hadn't noticed," the Doctor sarcastically said.

"Would it be so bad if we just went out for a little bit?" As soon as Amy asked the question, she had her husband on her.

"It's too dangerous! She's not ready for that!" Rory was almost shouting so Amy planted a hand over his mouth.

"Do you want Avalon to come back!?"

Rory pushed her hand off his mouth and continued on but with a much quieter voice. "She's not ready to go out."

"Yeah, but she makes a point. How do we know when she's ready if we never let her go out?" Amy folded her arms and waited for somebody to give her the answer. She smirked at the silence that followed. "Exactly. Doctor, she did stay in Leadworth for a few days and nothing happened. How come we can't try something else just for a little bit?"

"Because what if it goes wrong?" the Doctor didn't hesitate to respond with. Unfortunately, he forgot he was dealing with Amy Pond.

"What if nothing happens?" she counted and walked up to him. "Look Doctor, I get that we're all worried about Avalon's new health situation but we can't actually keep her locked away forever. She likes Rapunzel but she will hurt us all if she stays here another day!" Amy looked between the Doctor and Rory while she waited for either of them to make a comeback. Of course, none of them did. "So, where should we go?"

~ 0 ~

Avalon was quietly reading through the History of Jewels with the Sapling next to her. Since he had already read the book with the Doctor, he was giving Avalon the most important pages he thought she would like. The Doctor had been right: the Sapling's presence did semi-simmer Avalon's anger.

Neither of them noticed the others walking into the media room until the Doctor cleared his throat. He was leading Amy and Rory in and came to a stop beside Avalon's side of the couch. "Ava...?"

"Hmm," she hummed and pretended to keep reading.

"Right, well, we've been talking about it and...maybe you're right. You should have the opportunity to start travelling again." The Doctor didn't want to say that he was expecting Avalon to jump from the couch with excitement but...he did expect it. So when Avalon merely turned the page of her book, he became worried that her anger had worsened.

"Avalon, didn't you hear?" Rory called. "We're going to take you out like you wanted."

Avalon exchanged a secret glance with the Sapling. Both of them smirked.

"Avalon?" Amy asked.

"I have to thank you, Doctor, for making me read this thing," Avalon began to turn the pages of her book. "And the Sapling showed me his favorite jewel, the Ignis Jewel?" She got up from the couch and held the open book for them all to see. "Interesting thing about it is how it was stolen from a civilization and then placed in some elegant museum for other aliens to see."

"Yeah, so?" the Doctor tried taking the book from her but she slammed it shut, nearly getting his fingers had he not flinched away in time. Soon as he saw her mischievous grin, he dreaded what was to come.

"I know what I want to do today! I want to heist!"

"You want to what!?" Both Amy and Rory simultaneously yelled.

Avalon laughed and turned away, swaying with her book to her chest. "Doesn't it sound like fun!? A heist!"

"Yes! Yes!" the Sapling clapped on the couch. "I want to heist too!"

"No, no, there will be no heisting of any kind!" the Doctor wagged a finger at her that she did not see. "Why would you get an idea like that!?"

"Because of your stupid lockdown!" Avalon turned around, her grin momentarily replaced with an angry scowl. "Do you know how many TV series I've binge-watched in these past months?"

"Well..."

"FIFTY!"

"Okay, fifty..." the Doctor made a face and mouthed the number at Amy and Rory. They both nodded their heads in confirmation, making him do another face. Alright, that could drive him crazy too. It would, the voice in his head declared.

"The TARDIS was kind enough to give me series that haven't come out yet on Earth and it showed me one called Brooklyn-99! And guess what they do every year?" Avalon didn't wait for any of them to guess, she blurted the answer out in pure excitement. "They heist! They literally heist and that's what we're going to do today!"

"Avalon Harmony Reynolds you cannot be serious," Amy sternly looked at her granddaughter, wanting both to laugh and shake the girl.

But Avalon was so excited that she didn't even bat an eye at the fact Amy used her middle name that she hated. "I am so serious! Here!" she chucked the book at the trio, making them all scramble to catch it before it hit them. "Check it out!" she told them once Rory held the book between Amy and the Doctor. "It says the Ignis Jewel was stolen from a primitive civilization that would use the jewel to start fires. The jewel ensures fire. If it stays on the ground longer than a minute, it'll start a fire."

"Isn't it cool!?" the Sapling got on his knees on the couch, scooting himself to the armrest next to Avalon.

"Yes, but what's not cool is how these museum chains took it just so other people can come and look at it! It's literally sitting on a pedestal under glass!"

"Okay, okay, I get that it's been stolen but us stealing it back doesn't make us any better," the Doctor said, though there was a glint in his eyes that Avalon saw. He was so interested, he wouldn't be able to deny it for much longer.

"Except when we take it back, we can return it to its proper place!" Avalon grinned. "We'd be like Robin Hood! And we can make a wager if that'll make things more interesting."

"We're not doing this," Rory closed the book but he was mighty surprised when he heard Amy go "Weeeelll..." His head snapped in her direction. "Amy!"

"I don't know, knowing that it's already been stolen and we'd just be taking it back..." Amy shrugged her shoulders and mumbled, very lowly, her next words, "...sounds kinda fun..."

"Amy!"

"Yay!" Avalon clapped her hands. "Amy's on my team!"

"What - no! There'll be no teams because there'll be no heist! Doctor!" Rory whacked the Time Lord's arm to get his support. "Tell her!" Silence. Rory blinked and turned to the Doctor. "Doctor? Tell her!"

The Doctor cocked his head to the side, one eye squeezing shut. "I'm thinking..."

"What!? There's no thinking!"

"I'm looking at the possible consequences-"

"DOCTOR!"

"He's in!" Avalon waved the two men off and high-fived with the Sapling. "I told you we could do it!"

Rory slapped a hand over his face. "I can't believe this is seriously happening."

"Better believe it Rory Williams!" Avalon laughed so joyfully that for a moment, the trio forgot about their concerns for this crazy idea. Avalon hopped on the couch with the Sapling and together they clapped. "We are heisting!"

"Stomp jumping on the couch," Amy scolded them before they fell. The pair immediately let themselves fall on the couch into a sitting position.

Avalon flipped her head in their direction, her smirk back on her face. "So then, let's get the teams together."

~ 0 ~

"Knock-knock!" Avalon tapped a knuckle against River's cell, startling the brunette for a second. "Hi River!"

"What are you doing here?" River got up from her bed and hurried up to the gate. "You're not sneaking out again are you?"

"Oh great so the last version I met isn't that far from this you?"

"Somewhat, that was a month ago for me. Where are you right now?"

"Um, well, sort of getting back on my feet. Oh! I did have my first reading in Leadworth - have you gone to that?"

"No..." River eyed her strangely which only confirmed her answer.

"Oh, well, you're invited to my first public reading in Leadworth, October 21st, 2011 at 11:00 AM."

"Duly noted," River hurried back to her bed to jot the date down in her journal. She wouldn't miss that for anything! Her daughter's first public reading? Her heart swelled with pride just thinking about it. "So, what are you doing right now then?"

"Welll..." Avalon swayed her head, missing the way River smirked at her.

"What are you up to, young lady?" These were rare moments where River could sneak in a little bit of motherhood on Avalon without her suspecting.

"We are heisting today!"

Bemused, River stopped writing in her journal. "You're what?"

"We're heisting! And I want you to be on my team!"

River had to laugh. She finished writing the date down in her journal then came back to the cell bars. "Avalon Harmony Reynolds, what are you doing?"

"There's this thing called the Ignis Jewel that's been stolen and placed in a museum so I thought we should pull a heist and steal it back! We'll give it back to its rightful owners!"

"Why on Earth would you want to do something like that?"

"...because I'm bored," Avalon answered with a straight face, only making River laugh again. "I've been locked away for months now with only Leadworth. I was promised stars and planets and I am ready to come back!"

"And the Doctor actually agreed to this?" River asked fully knowing that the man would agree to anything that Avalon asked to.

"Course he did," Avalon shrugged. "He's bored too. So what do you say? Want help me steal something and make sure the Doctor loses?"

The same smirk that'd been on Avalon's face earlier was now on River's. "Always."

~ 0 ~

"Alright," the Doctor announced as he unrolled the schematics of the museum they would shortly arrive at. He pressed the paper against a large table in the TARDIS library for them all to see. "So the Bijou Museum is three-story building with roughly about 10 rooms on each floor. What we're looking for is on the third floor right there!" His finger tapped the small square nearing the middle from their right side. "Each room has their own security feed but, as per rules, I will disable them upon our arrival. Can't have us getting caught before we even steal the damn thing."

"Right, because that would be wrong," Rory said with a sigh of irritation. No one had listened to him about how ridiculous this whole thing was. He should've known that his daughter would of course agree with the entire stunt. River was just as excited as Avalon! Shocker.

"Oh shush," Amy bumped his shoulder with more or less the same excitement as River and Avalon. "It might be fun. I've never stolen anything."

"To be clear," the Doctor cleared his throat and raised a finger in the air. "We are not stealing this, we are retrieving it for a civilization who deserves to get it back." As he finished his clarification, his eyes landed on the Sapling. He didn't want his tree child to get the wrong idea that stealing was okay if you were bored. "We are not stealing."

"Right, we're heisting," Avalon moved around the table so she was across from the Doctor. "Totally different."

"It's really not," Rory mumbled but yelped when Amy jabbed her elbow into his side.

"We're doing something good," the Sapling chimed in to help his parents. They were so excited and he was too!

"Oh father," River shook her head. "Lighten up. It'll be fun. So, the cameras will be off?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yeah. I'll just make it so the screens show the same thing on a loop."

"And nobody will notice that it's a loop?"

Avalon snorted. "Please. They're probably bored to death up in that security room. I bet they're so good at solitaire."

"These are alien security guards, Ava," Rory pointed out. "They don't even know solitaire."

"Actually," River swayed her head. "That's what most of the boys play at home."

"Please, don't help."

River smirked.

"Right then!" the Doctor said to keep things moving. "So we'll have about two hours to pull the heist before the cameras start showing the live feed again. In two hours, we all need to be back in the TARDIS no matter what." His eyes reluctantly found Avalon's. For the life of him he just couldn't face her. Each time he did, he remembered that she knew more about him than he ever wanted her to. The shame and guilt were just inevitable. "Whether or not we have the Ignis Jewel, we all need to come back."

Avalon gave a firm nod. "I understand. Thanks for doing this though." This time the Doctor nodded slightly and quickly looked at someone else. The action hurt Avalon more than she would've thought.

River didn't miss it. She made a mental note to look into that later.

"Anything is fair game except for the TARDIS," the Doctor went on as he pulled up a second copy of the schematics from his inside pocket.

"And your sonic," Amy gave him a pointed look. She held her hand out for the infamous sonic. The Doctor reached into his jacket's pocket and pulled out his beloved sonic. "Thank you!" Amy placed it on the table where the TARDIS would take care it until they got back.

"Alright," Avalon clapped her hands together. "Final thing: the wager." Her eyebrows quirked with a smirk on her face. "If my team wins-"

"Which we will," River muttered to Amy who agreed with a hum.

"-then you have to let me and Amy choose where we will go for the next month. And we pick River up each time. No buts about it."

"Fine, but if you lose - which you will - then you have to stay inside the TARDIS for another month." The Doctor planted his hands on the table and leaned forwards, smirking so smugly like he already knew what the outcome of the heist would be. "No buts about it," he mimicked her tone.

Avalon's tongue pressed against her teeth before she finally clicked it. "Fine." She did the same as him and leaned forwards on the table. "But you can't use any sonic of any type! Not even a little sonic pen!"

"Don't have one..." the Doctor faltered for a moment as he realized he'd never actually made one, "Why haven't I thought about that yet? Never mind! No sonic, no TARDIS. However, I'm also going to need River to promise not to use any of her little weapons she has stored."

River opened her mouth to argue but promptly shut it and shrugged. "Yeah, alright. They're all in my cell anyways."

"How do you even get that past the guards?" Avalon genuinely asked with curiosity.

"I'll tell you later," River smirked until she noticed Amy's disapproving look. Her smirk fell and she cleared her throat. "Or maybe not. Probably not."

"So," the Doctor called, "Two hours. No sonics, no weapons, no TARDIS, and no hurting anyone! Me, Rory and the Sapling against Avalon, Amy and River. Any other question?"

"Yes," Avalon leaned just a bit closer over the table, leaving a questionable distance between her face and the Doctor's. "Are you ready to cater to my every desire after you lose?"

The Doctor would've liked to have answered with "I always strive to" when he remembered there were other people in the room. He might have thought of kissing her too - her smirking lips were begging to be kissed - but other people and his own thoughts were forcing him back. Instead, he chose not to answer directly. He reeled away from the table - putting some distance would help him control himself - and turned to the others. "Let's head out, team!"

"Yes! Good luck Mother!" the Sapling scurried around the table to hug Avalon. The ginger, however, was a bit distracted with the Doctor's rash departure from the room but the Sapling tugged on her sleeve to claim her attention in the end. "Mother, good luck!"

Avalon smiled lightly at him. "Don't go getting yourself into trouble."

The Sapling giggled and rushed out of the room with Rory.

Avalon looked at her own team, choosing to focus on the task they had. "Well then ladies, let the heist begin."

~ 0 ~

Avalon, River and Amy decided to scope out the precise room where the Ignius Jewel was on display. The museum was functioning as it normally would, meaning the room was pretty crowded.

Amy noticed that the other displays of gemstones and the artworks against the walls each had their personal crowd of people. "I'm beginning to think that Rory has a point here."

"What do you mean?" Avalon distractedly asked while she and River studied the Ignius' display. It was a normal golden pedestal with a glass box over it. The jewel was tucked on a navy blue pillow. It was fairly easy...or so it appeared.

"There's loads of people!"

"Shhh, Mother," River put a finger over her lips, but Amy rolled her eyes. "Don't go all nervous on us."

"How are we supposed to get this out without getting caught?" Amy folded her arms and gave a nod towards the jewel.

"Well I have a few ideas," Avalon announced, earning two different reactions from the other two. Amy looked rather concerned that she'd already come up with a way to steal something in a crowded room but River seemed intrigued and perhaps a tad impressed that it only took her a few minutes to get ideas.

"Let's hear it," River gave Avalon the floor but made a gesture for the ginger to keep it down.

"Well," Avalon clasped her hands behind her back as she moved to the left side of the pedestal. "First option would be to lift it out of the glass assuming we could disable the alarm system."

"We'd need to get into the security room," River pointed out, not intending on shooting the idea down but only reminding Avalon they'd need to do that step first.

"What?" hissed Amy but neither her daughter nor her granddaughter paid her attention.

"Right. Shouldn't be that hard though, not if we use the right mode of entry," Avalon agreed with River and slowly moved to the other side of the pedestal. "If we're feeling adventurous-"

"Always," River nodded and shared a smirk with Avalon.

"-we could get some rope and climb down from up there," Avalon raised her head at the ceiling. The spot directly above the pedestal was an air vent. "We'd only need to clear out the room-"

"How would we do that!?" Amy once again hissed.

Avalon and River fixed the same stare on Amy. "Wait for lunch hour, duh."

If she could, Amy would have really liked to scold both of them for being so...alike. Without even trying, Avalon and River were too alike in situations like these and that honestly worried Amy for the future. What kind of trouble could these two get into when nobody was around?

"I checked the schedule," Avalon continued with River. "Lunch is in two hours which is just the time limit we have anyways. It'll be our last resort."

"I say we start the easiest way possible," River declared and before either woman could ask her what that way was, she reached inside her jacket's pocket to pull out a familiar tube of red lipstick.

"Oh I bloody love you!" Avalon laughed a bit too loud and got some looks from the other guests.

River's smirk widened. "Let's go ladies!"

~ 0 ~

"Excuse me?" the Doctor had come up to the reception desk on the first floor of the museum. A young brunette woman was working the desk when he arrived. "I was wondering what times are your scheduled tours for the, uh, third floor?"

"Well, you just missed one," the woman said as she stood up from her seat. "But you can catch the next one in twenty minutes. There's actually a pamphlet, hold on…"

"Take your time, take all the time you need…" the Doctor murmured as he watched Rory and the Sapling creep up to the opposite side of the desk.

"Here we are!" the woman exclaimed, raising her head up just as Rory was about to slip into her part of the desk.

"Oh! Why don't you show it to me!?" the Doctor quickly moved the woman to the very edge of the desk. He decided to pull her out of the desk so that they were standing on his side, hunched over the pamphlets. "I have a son, you see, and he's so adamant that we go through the best tours. Care to pinpoint those?"

Once the woman was thoroughly focused on the pamphlet, Rory tried slipping into the desk again. The Sapling remained just at the edge in case anybody happened to stop by, but he had to physically stop himself from giggling at the funny squatted-walking Rory was doing. He couldn't stand up to search the desk so he had to naturally walk with his legs squatting.

He was loving Heists!

Rory was quick to search for what they came for. His hands raked through the drawers until he reached the last one. It would be in that one that he found a ring of keys. He was careful to take them without jingling them and then bolted from the desk altogether. His hearts hammered until he reached the safety of a hallway.

A few minutes later, the Doctor and the Sapling joined him.

"I hate this!" Rory declared as he handed the ring of keys to the Doctor. "I just stole security keys! Don't-" he pointed a warning finger at the Sapling, "-you ever do that, Sapling! Got it!? Don't do what I'm doing! What any of us are doing!"

The Sapling brought his hands to his mouth as he laughed. "I know, grandfather."

"Oh..." Rory nearly lost his balance when he realized just how truly bad this whole thing was. In the Sapling's mind, his mother, his father, his grandmother and his great grandparents were all teaching him how to pull a heist. "Oh, my stomach hurts. My stomach really hurts." Rory pressed a hand against the wall to lean against while his arm wrapped around his stomach.

"Loosen up, Rory!" the Doctor exclaimed as he scanned the hallway for any suspicious actions. So far, no one had seen a thing. "Now then, these keys will let us walk into any room we want."

"But the damn jewel isn't even in a room with a door! Why did we get the keys at all?" Rory asked once he felt air begin to come back to him.

"Because if we have them, then the girls don't! Do keep up, Rory!"

"Yeah!" the Sapling mimicked his Father's tone. "The girls won't be able to lock or open any rooms!"

Rory's face went flat as his eyes flickered between the Sapling and the Doctor. "Oh, you two are so-"

"That is beyond petty," River's voice pulled the trio's attention to the end of the hallway. "I'm impressed, Doctor." The Doctor quickly stuffed the ring of keys into his inside pocket. Avalon and Amy had come up on either side of River. "But it won't be enough to win this."

"I'm going back to the petty part - that was really petty!" Avalon scrunched her face at the Doctor. "Fairy Tale Man, what the hell?"

The Doctor only slightly looked at her before turning away with Rory and the Sapling. "Off we go!" he ushered them off and ran behind them.

Avalon's face went grim for a moment, and even though it was just for one moment River still noticed it, then turned to the women. "So, lipstick, who are we using it on?"

"I was going to use it on whoever was in charge of those keys. I thought the same as the Doctor," River admitted with a sheepish smile. "I know, don't tell me." Avalon chuckled.

"But he got the keys so now what?" asked Amy.

"We move onto the next phase of our plan of course!" River took the lead down the hallway. It was fairly easy maneuvering their way through without being suspected. Nobody suspected three simple women wanting to find the best art piece on that floor.

Eventually, they stopped in front of a less crowded hallway. They would be going into the security room to de-activate the alarms.

"Amy, ready?" River asked.

Amy fervently nodded. "Keep an eye out. Easy-peasy."

River then looked at Avalon. "Ready?" Avalon was more than excited to finally start. River almost laughed and blew their cover. "Right. One, two, three!" She flung the door open and immediately went up to the first of two men.

"Hey! What are you-"

River grabbed the man's collars and yanked him forwards for a kiss. Avalon went straight for the second man and punched him across the face. She quickly swiped the small stun gun from the man's waist.

"Oh, you know you can't keep that," River warned when Avalon turned around. "Part of the rules, remember?"

"This is to stun," Avalon said, chucking it to River. "And you can keep it for now. Is he going to be okay?"

River looked back at the man she'd 'kissed' and nodded her head. "Yeah. He thinks he's dreaming that he's tied up. Hilarious really. And this one," she moved past Avalon to the man she'd knocked out. She smudged her lipstick across the unconscious man's lips. "Should be doing the same when he comes to. Blimey what a hand you've got."

Avalon proudly smiled behind her. "Now we can get the alarms!"

"Yes! They should be pretty visible!"

Avalon turned to the control panel. Her eyes flickered to the dozens of screens playing the loop that the Doctor had preset before arriving. Everything was completely normal to these people. She and River focused on the mess of buttons and and wires sticking out.

"So while we're here, you want to tell me what's going on with you and the Doctor?" River worked swiftly to find the head of the alarms on the screens. So far, she only had the alarms for the first floor.

Avalon had paused working for a moment to throw River a look. "What? How do you know-" She didn't get to finish asking on account of River scoffing loudly. "It is so weird how you do that!"

River laughed. She'd succeeded getting through the alarms for the second floor and now she just needed the third floor. "I always know about you, sweetie."

"Still," Avalon folded her arms over her chest. "So...so you know that he and I...?"

"Are in a relationship?" River only stopped to nod at her then went right back to work. "Of course I do. Can't hide that from me even if you tried."

"And...and you don't...you're okay with that?"

A flicker of confusion crossed River's face at the question. She stopped working again and turned her head in Avalon's way. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know cos...cos you're from the future. I mean, one time Amy even said if you were the Doctor's wife in the future."

"Hasn't said it to this me yet," River said, prompting Avalon to realize the Byzantium hadn't yet happened to this River yet. "And I really hope she never says it to me. That's...that's just..." She shuddered a breath and made Avalon smile out of relief. "Besides, we've talked about this, remember? The reason I know things about him is because I've seen future versions of him, and you! All your future is my past! We're going in the wrong order, sweetie, so of course to you it would look like I just know everything. But the truth is, I don't know everything. You tell me a lot of it, about you and the Doctor. Your future together." River loved watching her daughter's face light up with delight.

"You mean that?" Avalon clearly tried to dial down her happiness and relief but it was a hard thing to do.

"Of course I do! I honestly don't know how you stand that man for more than a few hours! I salute you Avalon, because it can't be easy!"

Avalon laughed for a short moment before a lamenting sigh came through. "Too bad right now we're in a funk. He's upset because I told him that I know about his past, you know the darker parts? He doesn't know how to be around me and...I don't like it. I wish I could sit him down and make him talk to me again but knowing him all I'm gonna get is his silent brooding face."

"You'll have to give him some time, Avalon. Just like you got your space after Berlin. Give him sometime to really think about it and then he'll come to you. Trust me."

For some reason, Avalon could trust River. It wasn't even because River was from the future, something about her always had Avalon more inclined in her favor. Even when the Doctor was completely against River, Avalon always tried defending her and seeing the helpful sides River often brought to their group. Things had always been like that.

~ 0 ~

With the alarms off, the jewel would be easier to take once they came up with the right plan. However, Amy raised the question of how they would make a clear getaway if somebody would immediately notice the jewel was missing.

"We get a decoy," River's tone was blatantly telling her mother this was yet another obvious thing.

"Really?" Amy jutted her hip. "And do you know where we could get a perfect decoy Ignis jewel?"

"Oh!" Avalon gasped when the answer hit her. "The little shop! There's always little gift shops in these places! I bet they sell all sorta of toy versions of the pieces here."

River pointed at Avalon with a proud smirk. "See that, Mother? Avalon's thinking!" Amy rolled her eyes. "Good job Avalon!"

"Thanks. The Doctor always tells me about the stupid gift shops he's spent hours at..." Avalon's smile lessened when she thought about him. She bet that right now, the Doctor wouldn't tell her anything about what he liked.

"Let's go to the gift shop then, see what happens," Amy sighed and rushed off first.

"We need to head to the third floor," River instructed as she and Avalon followed. "Each gift shop probably sells what's on that floor."

They got to elevator quickly and pressed the 3rd floor button. Once they arrived they made a quick down the hallway. Spotting someone familiar, Avalon skidded to a stop near the entrance of the Ignis jewel's room.

"Doctor!" she clung to his arm before he would run off on her.

"What!? Let go!" he frantically exclaimed, assuming this was one of her heist tricks.

"No, listen to me!" Avalon let go only so that he would calm down. "We, uh, we...we took down the alarms."

That sure made him freeze. "What?"

"Just for the 2 hours. They're down."

"Why would you tell me this?"

Because I really like you and I'll basically tell you anything you want. That would've been nice to say out loud. It would've pulled a smug smile from him. Avalon would pretend to hate it when in reality those smiles made her melt for him. "I just wanted to even the playing field. Wouldn't be very fair, right?"

"Right..." the Doctor gave a slow nod. He made to turn back for the room when he realized he hadn't even made sure Avalon's body wasn't reacting to the new environment. With all the heisting and his own issues, he'd forgotten. He could never let that happen. "How are you feeling?"

The corner of Avalon's lips twitched, warning to turn into a smile. He still wants to make sure I'm okay. Of course he would. He hasn't broken up with you and he hasn't stopped being kind. "I'm okay. I'm having a lot of fun so...thanks for doing this."

"Avalon!" River hissed from the other end of the hallway, making Avalon jump in her spot. "Stop cohorting with the enemy!"

"Gotta go!" Avalon quickly said and kissed the Doctor's cheek before running off.

The Doctor stayed put in his spot for a few seconds. Whether he wanted to or not, he smiled after her. He was aware of his rude behavior towards her and yet instead of yelling at him, Avalon did that instead. He just didn't know what to do now that she knew more about his dark past.

"Father, I'm in!" the Sapling's voice rang through an comm. piece in the Doctor's ear.

The Doctor shook himself out of his thoughts and focused on their task. "Right. Be careful Sapling!"

"I know!"

"Oh, and the alarms are off. I repeat: the alarms are off." The Doctor turned back for the room and strode in like any other visitor. He scanned the room and saw Rory pretending to study an art portrait hanging next to the Ignis Jewel.

Check.

He then spotted the current tour guide leading a group of guests around the room.

Check.

"And if you look very closely, you can see that each figure is actually made of dots..." the male tour guide was gesturing to the huge portrait hanging in the opposite side of the room. "It was inspired by the human painter-"

"Georges Seurat," the Doctor cut in, nearly sliding in beside the tour guide. "Marvelous French painter if you asked me. Least that's what I used to tell him."

"You've met a human?" One of the guests in the crowd asked, making it seem novelty despite being humanoid themself.

"Of course. Do some travelling, you see..." the Doctor prepared his longest rambling story that he would tell with extra pauses.

Rory glanced over his shoulder to make sure the crowd was deep into the Doctor's riveting story. They were. Rory turned away from the painting and quietly used his own comm. piece. "Sapling, now."

"Yay!" the Sapling exclaimed. He was up in the air vent waiting for his signal and now that it was, he peered over the vent. It was perfectly above the Ignis' display. He placed a hand over the vent and let his fingers extend into branches.

Rory nervously watched the branches stick against the wall and slowly creep its way down. From his spot, the Doctor made sure the Sapling was heading his branch in the right direction.

"Little bit to the right," he mumbled under his breath and continued with his story for the guests.

"Sorry!" the Sapling tried moving his body around so he could see the display and the wall but the slits of the vent were too narrow.

"You've got it now," Rory assured him. The branches were reaching the top of the display. Despite the Doctor telling them that the alarms were off, the Sapling still hesitated to actually touch the glass display. "C'mon Sapling!"

The branches slipped between the wall and the glass case but now the Sapling would have to sneak under the case for the jewel.

"A little to the right now," Rory instructed while not making it blatantly obvious he was staring at the branches on the wall. "No, no, my right not yours!"

"Sorry!" the Sapling shifted the branch to the right side and started to feel the tip of the cushion. "I feel it! Now I just gotta-"

"Aaaah! What is that!?" A screaming woman had froze the trio in their respective stops.

Rory scrunched his face when he realized a woman had stopped by to see the jewel.

"Thanks Rory," the Doctor groaned lightly before rushing towards them. The crowd was right behind him.

"What is that!?" the woman kept crying and pointing at the branch stuck on the wall.

"It's an infestation!" the Doctor quickly supplied the excuse as quickly as it came to him.

"Sapling, get out of there," Rory hurriedly left the crowd to speak to the child.

"I know! I know!" the Sapling wiggled his arm which in turn made the branch on the wall wiggle as well. He winced when he heard the same woman's scream again.

"Nothing to worry about folks, just a petty infestation," the Doctor said only a few seconds before the Sapling disconnected the piece of branch from his body. He beamed at his regular hand and quickly crawled back through the vents.

Down below, the branch crumbled into pieces...and the same woman still screamed.

~ 0 ~

"Right this way folks," Amy the newest museum tour guide led a group down the hallway, going past the Ignis' room.

"Wait, we're not going into this room?" an elderly humanoid man asked and pointed to the room on their way.

"Not right now. It's at the end of the tour, c'mon," Amy motioned the group to walk faster with her.

Inside the room, River and Avalon were making rounds looking at different artworks separately. There were hardly any people in the room since Amy had taken away the current tour group. Avalon waited near the entrance and as soon as a roaming guard walked in, she loudly coughed. River turned right away from an art piece and made a casual walk in the guard's direction. She purposely went around another jewel pedestal and dropped a red jewel that looked exactly the same as the real Ignis.

Avalon waited for River to be a safe distance away from the guard before gasping loudly. "Oh my goodness! Is that the Ignis jewel!?" At her question, the guard spun around to where she was pointing.

"I think it is!" River agreed and motioned the others in the room come see it.

"But that's impossible!" the guard rushed towards the sight, though because people were spread around the jewel, it was difficult getting through.

Avalon took her opportunity to dash up to the Ignis' display.

"Move! Let me see!" the guard shoved an old woman out of the way, earning himself a colorful response from her. "Sorry, ma'am!"

River poked her head around the crowd to see Avalon lifting the glass display, though it seemed pretty heavy judging by the struggle she was in. Avalon had her entire arms wrapped around the glass case and she lifted with all her might. She was halfway there when they got a lovely call...

"Mother! Hi!" the Sapling's sudden call made Avalon drop the case back in its place. At his call, the group turned away from the jewel and allowed the guard to finally pick it up.

"This is just a gift shop souvenir!" he groaned. "Seriously people?"

River scrunched her face but Avalon stalked her way out of the room, intending on shouting at the Doctor and Rory for sabotaging them. However, only the Sapling was in the hallway.

"Where's your father? Why are you alone!?"

The Sapling chuckled. "Father said he wanted to go to the gift shop and I snuck out. I don't think he's noticed yet-"

"Sapling!" they suddenly heard the Doctor's voice from the end of the hallway. He came zooming out of the store and sticking his head into each room for the Sapling. "Sapl-"

"I'm here, Father!" the Sapling waved his hand.

"Yeah, nice going! And sabotaging by the way!" Avalon shook her head and ushered the Sapling to the Doctor.

"Really?" the Doctor smiled proudly at the Sapling for a moment. "Good job, Sapling."

"I didn't mean to but okay!"

"GO!" Avalon yelled through her gritted teeth and was quite satisfied to see both of them rushing away from her.

~ 0 ~

The trip to the gift shop spawned a device for a purpose that Rory couldn't understand yet. The Doctor tinkered with the makeshift device on their way down the hallway. "Right then, with this we'll be able to grasp the frequency of the glass display. According to the Sapling, Avalon struggled to lift it which means that it has to be pretty strong."

"What - so you were sabotaging them?" Rory threw him and the Sapling a disapproving look.

"No, of course not, but the Sapling had perfect timing!"

The Sapling agreed in a hum. "Mother was trying her best to lift the case but she couldn't. I thought I might help her but then I remembered we were on different teams. Maybe next time I can be on her team!"

Rory's eyes widened. "The next...? No! There won't be anymore heists after this! Doctor, whatever you're thinking, please tell me it'll work so we can finally leave this place?"

"With luck, it will," the Doctor tapped a knuckle against the small beeping device in his hands. He'd found some petty tech souvenirs in the gift shop that he'd torn apart to reconstruct for his needs. It resembled his sonic but it was not his sonic. There were no sonics allowed after all. "And I added a touch of a laser in case it doesn't."

"Why would we need a laser?" Rory dreaded to ask and felt even worse when the Doctor smirked.

A short moment later they were back in the Ignis' room. The Doctor moved to the Ignis' display and discreetly took the scan of the glass. The results concluded that they would need to come up with another way to take the glass off because lifting it would require at least two of them and the Sapling couldn't risk using his branch-like abilities in public.

"Gentlemen, listen very closely..." the Doctor started to whisper their next moves and in the next few minutes, they enacted it.

The Sapling was hopping around the room, taking Rory from one art piece to a pedestal. He excitedly touched one pedestal, immediately instigating the scold of the guard.

"Sorry, he's just so excited," Rory apologized but by then the Sapling had gone to touch an art portrait.

"Hey!" the guard went after him and thus Rory too.

The Doctor pointed his makeshift device at the Ignis' display and shot a thin laser at it. He leaned closer to it, making it seem like he was just getting a better look at it while his hand slowly went in a circular shape. Just one small circle and he could pull it off. But midway through, something in the next room exploded and rocked everyone on their feet.

"What!?" the Doctor spun around, his first thought going to the Sapling and Rory, but they were just as confused as everyone else.

"Avalon?" River came running into the room with Amy at her side.

Avalon! The Doctor dropped his device to the floor and bolted for the women. "Where's my Ava?" He searched around them but, like everyone else, they didn't know what was going on. The Doctor could actually feel the way his hearts started picking up their beats. "Where is she!?"

"I-I don't know! She was supposed to be cutting through the wall-" River tried gesturing to the wall directly behind the Ignis' jewel but she was just as concerned as the Doctor.

"Everybody stay put!" the guard in the room started heading for the entrance. "Nobody move-" But the Doctor was already way ahead of him, literally. "Sir!" the guard called but the Time Lord was out of the room in two seconds. "Sir!"

"What do you think happened?" Amy quietly pulled River to the side while the rest of the guests were ushered together.

"My guess?" River gave Amy a look asking her if she truly wanted to know. Of course Amy did. "My daughter got carried away with her new toy. Now c'mon, we'll have to be in front of the pedestal in a bit and then we'll have to get Rory and the Sapling. We'll need to do a lot of running!"

~ 0 ~

Avalon was crouched in front of a wall, humming the tune of Once Upon a Dream tune to herself as she finished cutting a circle into the wall with a new gun. She had no idea that guards' guns were this powerful. She'd made an explosion a few minutes ago just because she'd accidentally fired it at one of the metal shelves. The shelf had fallen against the wall and pretty much destroyed everything that'd been on it, but everything else in the storage room was fine.

"River and Amy: I hope you're ready," Avalon said once she successfully cut the hole in the wall. It was a small hold that wouldn't be give her away but would still be visible on the other side. She put the gun down on the floor then pulled out another Ignis decoy jewel from her jean's pocket. Her hand squeezed through the hole and was relieved to feel the velvet of the cushion the Ignis jewel was on.

On the other side, River and Amy were standing directly in front of the pedestal. Amy looked over her shoulder and saw Avalon's fingers searching for the jewel.

"She's in," she whispered to River who was keeping her eyes on the guests. The guard had positioned himself at the entrance, not letting anyone come in or go out until the museum figured out what had caused the explosion.

"Good, because we'll be running in five minutes."

"Why five?"

"Because that's when they'll be figuring out we took down the alarms."

"Ah." Amy's eyes found Rory and the Sapling across from them and willed her husband to meet her gaze. She mouthed 'Five minutes and run' to him, hoping it'd be enough to get the point across.

Thankfully, he had.

River discreetly glanced behind them and saw Avalon was puling her hand back through the wall with the Ignis Jewel in hand. "That's my girl," she whispered proudly and continued to look ahead.

Back in the storage room, Avalon had cheered when she pulled her hand out and saw the bright red jewel in her palm. "Avalon Reynolds, you are a genius!" She had just stuck her hand back into the hole when the Doctor burst into the room.

"There you are! Are you okay!?" His sudden entrance and yell had startled Avalon into smacking her head against the wall.

"Doctor, you idiot!" She rubbed her forehead with her free hand.

"What are you doing!?" the Doctor made sure to close the door behind him. The guards were going back and forth trying to discover the origin point of the explosion. It was then that he noticed the fallen shelf in the corner of the room. "And what did you do to that!?"

"Had an accident with that," Avalon nodded her head to the gun sitting beside her. "It's all good, though." She struggled to yank her hand out of the hole again but once she did she cheered. "It's all very good!" She jumped on her feet and turned around with the Ignis Jewel in her hand. "Because I just won this heist!"

"I thought you were hurt," the Doctor sighed but she scoffed at his concern.

"Please!"

"What!?"

"Oh you know what it means! You've barely looked at me ever since I told you what I learned with Kovarian! So don't come running here, telling me that you were concerned! Just acknowledge that you've lost!" She waved the jewel in the air and strode for the door, only for the Doctor to grab her arm and turn her back.

"I always care, Ava! I've just been having trouble accepting that you have a better idea of what I am!"

Avalon shoved his hand off her arm and scowled. "For the last time, I know who you are! You're my Fairy Tale Man and I hate seeing you doubt yourself! I know who I'm dating, alright?" Her anger faded to be replaced with a soft sigh. Her lips curved into a near pout. "And I really miss his hugs and his kisses..."

The Doctor's shoulders slumped as his head seemed to lower. "I'm sorry Ava. I'm afraid that this whole blissful bubble is reaching its end and that you're going to be afraid of me. Lots of people are afraid of me...but I don't know what I'd do if you were afraid of me."

"That's never going to happen," Avalon felt like this would have to be something she would be repeating for a while. That was okay. She knew that a few months ago she was in constant need of reassurance. It was her turn to be there for the Doctor and she would be. "I need my Fairy Tale Man right next to me..." She took the needed steps to leave them face-to-face. "And if he needs me to tell him every morning, every afternoon, every night I'll do it." Her free hand came to stroke his cheek. "I'll be there."

The Doctor smiled down at her. "Even if he's an idiot?"

"Yeah, I think it's a cute look on him..." Avalon smirked at his reddened face. She laughed and kissed him, muffling her own laugh.

It was true what Avalon had said. The Doctor had only just now realized it'd been too long without a kiss between them and now that he had her with him, he would be making up for lost time. He passed a hand under her chin, lifting her head up slightly more. It gave a much better angle for a rougher, faster kiss. Avalon brought her arms over his shoulders, never realizing that she'd let go of the Ignis jewel. Neither heard it clink against the floor and roll a few feet away from them.

Avalon forgot the Heist altogether when the Doctor hoisted her up. He hadn't yet done that and she wasn't complaining one bit. She wrapped her legs around his waist and met his lips again for a continuation. The Doctor's hand gone up to the back of her neck and firmly pressed her against his body. He couldn't get enough of her right now. Her sweet lavender scent, on a normal day, was simply wonderful but right now it was intoxicating. He left her lips - something Avalon deeply groaned for - but she got over it when she felt his hot kisses on the side of her neck.

She moaned and tilted her head in the opposite direction, giving him an easier access to her sweet skin. He had only started a few seconds ago and he was already settling in the crook of her neck, a spot he'd come to learn was one of the spots for Avalon. He gently bit down and smirked when she automatically gasped. He felt her fingers grasp the back of his hair, an extra treat for him for being oh-so-kind to her.

"More, more," she patted the nape of his neck, letting her eyes fall shut.

"More?" he taunted with a soft kiss on the same spot.

She groaned at it, making him laugh. "Not funny! Don't start what you're not going to finish you tease!"

The Doctor bit the same spot again, harder than the previous time, and heard her moan for him. He continued his series of kisses afterwards, bouncing her bit to keep her steady between his arms.

Avalon laughed when his lips once again attached themselves to her neck. Seems like he found his favorite spot, she realized and once he started leaving new hot kisses on her clavicle then nearer to her throat and finally lower...she realized it was her favorite spot too. He was outlining the v-neck of her blouse but had distinctly heard her moans louder when he went straight down her throat. She was right, he was a tease and he was enjoying every minute of it. She eventually got frustrated that he'd forgotten about her lips for a while so she raised his head. "I'm up here my love." She dove down for a kiss, quickening it within seconds.

Neither of them noticed the steam that was beginning to rise from the Ignis jewel on the floor...but they flinched when the sprinklers went off. All the rooms had suddenly fired its sprinklers on.

Their lips reluctantly, and slowly, disconnected as they both turned their heads up to the sprinklers.

"I thought we disabled the alarms...?" Avalon made a face at them, though she had to look down from to avoid the pelting of cold water in her eyes.

"Fire system is a different system," the Doctor said distractedly.

"But why would they go off...?"

Their eyes simultaneously widened at each other when they remembered. "The Ignis Jewel!"

The Doctor let Avalon down and both turned their attention to the steaming jewel on the floor. "It wants to burst into fire but the sprinklers are disabling it. We gotta get it out of here." The Doctor ran towards it only for Avalon to scream "NO!" and jumped on his back. "AVA!" The Doctor shouted at her.

"It's mine! I had it first!" She exclaimed, keeping her arms tightly around his neck.

"Avalon, get the hell off of me! I'm trying to bring it back to the TARDIS!" the Doctor tried prying her hands off him but she was strongly holding them together.

"Yeah, and bring it into the TARDIS first! I know that you're trying to trick me! You bring it in and you win the heist!"

Maybe I am, he silently thought. She was just too smart. "Fine! But it's fair game!"

"IT'S MINE!"

The Doctor spun around twice before finally pushing Avalon off his back. He winced when he heard her hit the ground with a loud thud. "Ava!" He turned around just as she groaned.

"Ow..." She scrunched her face in pain.

"Avalon, I am so sorry!" the Doctor reached to help her stand up. She took his hand but the moment she had a tight grip on him, she yanked him down to the ground beside her. "Uff!" the Doctor felt his back connect with the floor in two seconds flat. He heard Avalon's teasing giggle beside him and turned his head to see her looking at him with the biggest smile on her face. She was looking incredibly beautiful right now despite the water soaking them wet. Her ginger curls were sticking to her face, but her blue eyes were shining with mirth. It was as if somebody had pressed the rewind button and they were back to a time before the Silence and Kovarian had struck. They were traveling together while Amy and Rory were honeymooning. It was just him and Avalon, exploring and pulling shenanigans like this. The Doctor admitted to himself that he could see a life like this with Avalon, only with Avalon because he lo...

Oh God. I love her. The Doctor felt his hearts stop while he caught up to his own thoughts. He loved her. He loved Avalon. He loved the wild, unpredictable, passionate writer that was Avalon Reynolds. He loved her sweet self, her kind eyes and warm heart...he loved her temper and her challenging personality.

"Gotcha!" Avalon giggled again as she bopped his nose.

The Doctor grabbed her hand before it could leave his face and kept their fingers intertwined. This is my girl, he realized with his swelling hearts. He couldn't imagine himself being with anyone else but her. Only Avalon would pull this kind of stuff on him, and truth be told it was the same stuff he'd do too. One moment they were passionately snogging and the next...she was jumping on his back and he was spinning around to get her off.

He brought their interlocked hands and kissed Avalon's hand softly. "You got me alright."

Avalon blushed and sat upright. "Yeah?" He nodded and smiled when she leaned down to kiss him again. "You got me too," she whispered and pressed another kiss to his lips. "And I'm...going to get myself first place for this Heist!" She jumped from her spot and swiped the Ignis' jewel off the ground.

"Avalon!" the Doctor cried but a part of him was already laughing by the time he got up.

The ginger ran right past him. "Can't catch me!" she taunted on her way out.

The Doctor smirked after her. "I do love me a good chase!"

Avalon's laugh echoed down the hallways they ran through. And because somebody knew her laughter so well, River was able to catch it from the next room.

"Now Amy!"

"RORY!" Amy yelled before she made a dash with River.

"Sapling!" Rory grabbed the Sapling's hand and ran after the women.

"You can't leave this room!" the guard at the entrance barked but River neatly punched him across the face.

Amy's mouth fell open but River yanked her out of the room. "You just punched that guy!"

"Yes, I did! You're welcome!"

"River!" Rory called once he and the Sapling were behind them in the hallway. "You just punched a guy!"

"You're welcome!" River groaned and picked up her pace. They needed to get out of here fast or else she'd have another charge against her.

The group ran past guards and lingering guests until they reached the first floor. Elevators were down so they had to take the stairs, but with their adrenaline they crossed them in no time. Finally, they saw the TARDIS standing in the basement just like they'd left her earlier.

"I see Mother and Father!" the Sapling exclaimed just as the pair had disappeared into the TARDIS.

"I WIN! I WIN! I WIN!" Avalon was cheering around the console when the group ran inside. "I win the heist!"

"Oh shut up!" the Doctor went after her in a sulk. Soon as he saw the others coming in, he took the TARDIS off. Safe and sound they were, but nobody was safe from Avalon's relentless yelling.

Avalon was dancing around the console, waving the jewel in her hand. "I win the heist! And my dear Doctor lost! I win!"

River laughed and high-fived her daughter. "Good job!"

"Yeah!" Avalon high-fived Amy next. "We won, ladies!" She turned around to the Doctor and smirked. "Did I mention I won?"

"You might have mentioned it once or twice," the Doctor muttered.

"Thank God this is over," Rory exhaled and finally felt his stomach rid itself of those knots. "What was that explosion anyways?"

"That was me! I accidentally fired a shelf," Avalon dismissed the matter with a wave of her hand.

"WHAT-"

"But I won! I won the first heist!"

"First and last," Rory cut in with a stern finger pointed at his granddaughter. "We are never doing this again!"

Avalon's smirk promised something else, though.

"Mother, I'm so happy you won," the Sapling rushed to Avalon's side and hugged her. "But maybe next time I can win!"

Rory groaned, throwing his hands in the air as he turned away. Amy moved over to console her husband.

"Alright, this is truly been a pleasure," River started making her way around the console, switching buttons here and there to set course for Stormcage. "I must get going though."

"No, not yet. You should dry up and get changed," Avalon gestured to River's wet appearance. They were all soaked from the sprinkles. "Can't have you going back all wet and stuff."

"Right," River agreed with a nod. "Give me a second then." She hurried off for the corridors and since the water had been truly cold, Amy and Rory followed seconds later.

"Sapling, you may be made out of bark but please go get dried up too," the Doctor nodded the child towards the hallway.

"Okay! But what are we going to do with the jewel now?"

"Well, we're giving it back to its rightful owners," the Doctor glanced at Avalon to see her agreeing with a nod.

"Yes! And listen Sapling," Avalon stepped up to the Sapling, crouching in front of him. "Uncle Rory was right when he said that we don't steal. What we did today was different, alright? It was fun, but we weren't trying to hurt anyone. I really hope you understand this..."

The Sapling laughed carelessly. "Of course I do! Mother and Father don't hurt people! Heisting was just different but I know that it's not okay to steal."

"That's my boy," Avalon chuckled and kissed the Sapling's cheek. "Now go get dried up!"

"Okay!" the Sapling ran off to find his bedroom.

"He knows, Ava," the Doctor said once they were alone.

"I just don't want him growing up with my irresponsible behavior in him," she sighed. "God knows I was a handful."

"Was?" the Doctor innocently asked and received quite a hard mock glare in return. "You should've seen me back in my day."

"I'd like to learn about it one day," Avalon's eyes gleamed with curiosity. "What was my Fairy Tale Man like when he was a child?"

"Oh, dangerous question..."

"Even then?"

"Yes."

"Oh my..." Avalon laughed shortly then came up to him, a soft smile gracing her soaking face. "Well, when you're ready, I'd love to get to know about those parts of your life. Nine hundred years has to have some nice parts right?"

"...yes," the Doctor nodded slowly. There were plenty of moments he would always cherish from his past. Funny how easily he could forget them when somebody dangled his darker moments in front of him.

Avalon reached around his neck to undo his bowtie, reminding him of the gentle moments he'd missed between them as well. "You should go change too." She picked his left palm up and let his bowtie fall into it. "I'll meet you here in 20 minutes. Maybe 30. This-" she gestured to her wet curls, "-might take a bit more time to tame."

"You still look beautiful as ever," the Doctor passed his hand through her curls. Avalon closed her eyes for a minute and let herself enjoy the touch of his fingers playing with her hair. The Doctor would've loved to play with her hair for hours, but he needed to he responsible. "Go on, love. I don't want you getting a cold. Lower immunity system means you're a lot more susceptible to common illnesses like a cold."

"Right," Avalon sighed with a shrug of her shoulders. She turned to leave but stopped at the stairs. "Oh," she turned back, "And don't worry. I'll be sure to wear this blouse more often."

The Doctor's face went red in an instant, especially when Avalon pushed her hair to one side so he could see the reddened spots on her neck and, shamefully, near her cleavage. He coughed in embarrassment while Avalon laughed.

"I'm a biter too so...expect that the next time," she blew him a kiss and ran off.

My girl alright, the Doctor smiled to himself once he was alone.

Author's Note:

Listen I just KNOW that if Avalon was real she would totally vibe with Brooklyn 99. I even know for a fact that she would love Rosa Diaz. I just do okay? And you just know that it would only be Avalon and the Doctor who would pull heists. It's just so them. But yayayay the Doctor knows that he loves her, when do you think Avalon will realize she loves him too? I loved writing that moment too.

[myhockeyworld87]

Why Are You Here - Jamie Oleksiak - Part 3

Word Count: 2,786

POV: Reader

Warnings: Language

Notes: So this is the last part of this one. Hope you guys enjoyed it. It’s been a lot of fun writing for Big Rig! Let me know who you guys want to read about next. Happy Reading!

Why Are You Here Masterlist

Laying there just staring at Jamie, you couldn’t help but think of all the times in the past when you’d just fall asleep in this exact position; wrapped up in his body, feeling his warmth. It was everything that you cherished most about your relationship with him. Being like this, always felt like the rest of the world and its problems just disappeared. Only this time, the problem was staring you literally in the face. “Jamie, we need to…”

He didn’t let you finish. “I know. Can we just have ten more minutes like this? Then I promise we’ll talk.” Ten minutes, you could do that; just forget everything for that brief moment in time. Instead of saying anything, you just nodded your agreement. He snuggled you deeper into his chest then, your face nuzzling the hollow of this throat. In that instant, you felt so cared for and loved. You hadn’t felt that way since he left. It was a void you’d looked to fill for over a year and yet you’d only found it right now, with Jamie. You tried not to think about why he was the only one that made you feel this way, or what you were going to do after these ten minutes past. Instead, you just breathed in his scent, hoping to memorize everything at that moment, in case there wouldn’t be more.

Eventually, your eyes grew heavy and you let your lids fall shut, drifting off to sleep. It wasn’t the wisest decision you’d made, but then nothing you’d done in the past several hours was. Dreams of you and Jamie together permeated your brain.  You both were so happy, so in love, that when you woke up it took a few minutes to realize that it was just a dream and not reality. Moonlight streamed through the curtains, casting the room in an ethereal glow. You were still wrapped in Jamie’s arms as he slept. Apparently, you’d both fallen asleep, not too surprising given what occurred between the two of you.

As you lay there, your thoughts drifted back to that day that Jamie got traded. If only he had asked you to go with him; things would be so different now. You’d probably be married by now, with quite possibly a baby on the way. When he’d first left, you had let your mind wander there; you walking down the aisle toward him. If you were being honest with yourself you’d always thought he was the one, still did. But that dream wasn’t meant to be, for even as you laid there naked in his arms, you couldn’t forget all the obstacles in your way.

You looked back up into Jamie’s face, so peaceful and content in sleep. It must be some sort of insanity that drove you to just lay there and look at him, knowing that things would never be the way that they were. Pain twisted in your heart, breaking it all over again. A single tear fell from your eyes and you inhaled sharply steeling your resolve so that others wouldn’t follow. This was utter nonsense, you couldn’t stay like this anymore, just lying there pretending. Jamie always slept like the dead, so it wasn’t too hard to extract yourself from his embrace. In under a minute, you were wrapped up in your robe, out on the couch with two of your warmest blankets on, trying to compensate for the loss of Jamie’s body next to yours.

What in the hell had you been thinking, to just fall in bed with Jamie like that? You should’ve known that it would only lead to more heartbreak. Was it too much to ask for someone who would just love you, and not leave you high and dry when times got difficult? Someone that cared for you, loved you and put you above everything else. You knew deep down it was what everyone craved, that one relationship that was just sacred and amazing, that held that all in encompassing love that was sought after. You knew you’d had that with Jamie, even if it was for a short time before he proved it all wrong. The question now was, could you find it again either with him or someone else? If there was one thing you knew for sure, you knew it wasn’t going to be with Aaron. Sure he was kind, sweet and gentle, but you just didn’t have that passion or burning love for him. What you felt from him was better described as friendship. You needed to find a way to let him know this in the morning, for no matter what happened with Jamie, you couldn’t continue to lead poor Aaron on.

You were startled out of your thoughts, as Jamie sat down on the couch next you clad only in his boxers, proceeding to worm his way under your blankets. “Why’d you leave?” He asked.

“We said ten minutes and we’re well past that.” There was a somberness to your voice and it mirrored the atmosphere of the room. Dim moonlight cast the place in shadows and made it hard for you to read Jamie’s expression. There was so much you wanted to say, yet you waited for him to make the first move.

“I don’t know what to say?” Was the first thing out of his mouth. If that was all he could think of then there was nothing left between you. The thought shattered your heart again, but then he continued. “I’m so sorry (Y/N). I’m sorry that I had to go to Pittsburgh, and that I didn’t ask you to come with me. I’m sorry for not calling you or texting you. I’m sorry for everything I did and didn’t do that day and every day after, until today.” He inhaled deeply, searching your face to gage if his words had any impact on you.

“Why?” It was one word, you didn’t have to say anything more, for he knew what you wanted to know.

“I couldn’t ask you to leave everything for me.” He blew out a frustrated breath before continuing. “You’d be leaving everything, your family, your job, your friends and for what, me? I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

You’d told yourself that was his excuse a thousand times after he left, yet somehow even after he said the words it still didn’t ring true with you. “It wasn’t your decision to make Jamie. It was mine, but you never asked. You should’ve given me the choice. You should’ve let me decide, but instead, you told me you wanted a fresh start, one that didn’t include me. Were things so bad that we couldn’t have that new start together?”

“Never.” He scooted closer to you on the sofa. “God they were perfect with you. You own a part of my soul for godsakes. I just couldn’t ask you to give up your life for me.” His jaw clenched in an effort to still the tears that threatened to stream down his face, yet one sole one leaked out. The million pieces that your heart had broken into just splintered to a million more, as you were openly sobbing now, for you were positive he owned your soul as well.

Reaching out you brushed away that one lone tear before saying, “All you had to do was ask.” It was literally that simple, couldn’t he see that.

A horrified expression crossed his face. “And what if you would’ve said no?” There it was the crux of the issue, the one thing that had never crossed your mind, for you knew if he would’ve just asked you to go, you would’ve said yes. No, had never been an option.

Taking his face in both of your hands, you looked him straight in the eyes so that he would believe the words you spoke. “I could never tell you no Jamie. I couldn’t then and I can’t now.” Drawing his face closer to yours, you continued. “I would’ve told you yes a thousand times over because you were my life.”

“But what about your family? Your friends?”

“They would all understand because they knew you were all that wrapped up in one person. You were my family, you were my best friend and I would’ve followed you to the end of the earth if you’d only asked me.” How did he not know this? How could he not see that you loved him beyond reasoning, still loved him?

Tears were flowing freely now, from his eyes, that you couldn’t wipe them away fast enough. On a choked sob, he replied. “You would’ve picked me?” There was still fear in his eyes, fear that you would tell him no even though it was a moot point.

“Every time, Jamie. Every time.”

“I’m so fucking stupid.” His head dropped down, taking your hands with it, as he had locked his around your wrists. “I should’ve asked you. I should’ve fucking asked.”  The despondency in his voice, combined with his tears were your undoing, and you gathered him close to your chest. He stayed like that for several minutes. It wasn’t lost on you that he’d never been this emotional with you before. Of course, you’d seen a range of emotions throughout your relationship, but never this kind of sadness that seemed to be slowly tearing him apart and yourself in the process. He was baring his soul to you, and all you wanted to do was take his sorrow away, except you couldn’t for you felt it as well. All the missed time with each other that you couldn’t get back; it tore at you as well. There were no words you could say to him, for to say that it would be alright would be a lie, there was no way of going back, only an opportunity to move forward.

Finally, he pulled back to look at you; your faces mere inches apart. “You really would’ve chosen me wouldn’t you?” You nodded your head, as you didn’t trust your own voice at the moment. “No one ever picks me. I’m not Tyler, who has women falling at his feet or Chubbs who’s got that strong silent thing going on, that women love. I’m just some average guy that’s pretty good at hockey. Hell, even my sister is more well-known than me. I can’t even stay with one team for any length of time anymore.” You couldn’t take this; couldn’t listen to him berate himself.

“Jamie, stop! Stop talking about yourself like that.” You placed your hands on his shoulders, practically shaking him in the process of getting him to listen to you. “You are a phenomenal hockey player, and don’t let anyone tell you anything different. Do you hear me?” A weak smile played across his lips as you continued. “You’re smart and funny, and so incredibly handsome, that you make my heart stop when you walk into a room. Anyone that wouldn’t pick you is just downright crazy.” You knew that he only saw himself as just a normal guy, but he was so much more than that. The smile on his face grew wider than.

“I want you back (Y/N). I want us back.” Your mind went blank, as he caught you off guard. “The moment I found out I was coming back to Texas you’re all I thought about. I know you’re with Aaron, that’s why I asked you tonight if you love him because if you do I’ll walk away. It’ll be the hardest fucking thing I ever do, even more so than before, but I’ll do it.” Still, you didn’t say anything, as his eyes burrowed into yours, searching for some answer. “So do you love him? Just tell me.”

“No…No I don’t.” He sighed and you realized he must have been holding his breath in anticipation of your answer. “But…”

It was his turn to stop you then. “No buts (Y/N). If you don’t love him then I’m not walking away. I know I have a lot to make up for, and I will…I promise.”

“That’s not what I was going to say, Jamie.” He looked at you, confusion in his face. “I’d already made up my mind before, that I needed to tell Aaron it was over, no matter what happens between us.” Relief washed over him. “I was going to ask if you love her.”

“Her who?” He seemed genuinely confused by your question.

“The woman you were with at the fundraiser, the blonde.” From the look on his face, you would think he had no clue who she was, instead of actually being by her side the entire evening; well except for your little tryst in the bathroom.

“Who Brie?”

Brie, she looked like a Brie. Tall and model-like, she seemed a perfect fit for Jamie; more so than you. Jealousy boiled inside you, so your tone came off a bit harsher than you’d like when you said. “Sure, if that’s her name.” He started to laugh, the noise fueling the fire burning inside you. Throwing the blankets off you, you jumped off the couch to pace the living room. Finally, stopping in front of him with your hands on your hips. “It’s not fucking funny Jamie. You have a girlfriend and all you can do is sit there and laugh about it. You fuck me in the bathroom, while she’s right out there in the middle of the ballroom.” Not that you hadn’t done the same thing to Aaron, but that was not the point at the moment. “And then you come here and we do...” You threw your hands in the air, motioning to the bedroom. “Well we did what we did on my bed, and then you tell me you want me back. And all you can do is laugh when I ask about your girlfriend, like everything that happened tonight meant nothing.”

He grabbed you then and pulled you down on top of him; kissing you, halting any words that you were going to add. You struggled to pull back from his lips “Babe, I’m not dating Brie. She’s the new PR rep for the Stars, she was taking me around to some of the new donors since I’ve been gone for over a year.”

“Oh.” At first, it was the only thing that you could say, and then just to be sure you added. “So she’s not your girlfriend?”

“No, she most definitely is not my girlfriend.” He pressed his forehead to yours. “I’m kind of hoping that title is going to be yours. I mean if you’re willing to give me another shot.”

“I mean…I want to, but I can’t go through what happened before Jamie.”

He pushed a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “I won’t ever leave you again. I promise.”

He was staring deep into your eyes, hoping to convince you that his words were the truth. You forced yourself not to look away as you asked. “But what if…I mean…” There was no easy way to put it. “What if you get traded again?”

He closed his eyes then, shielding his thoughts from you. Time ticked away as you waited for his answer. It felt like an eternity before he finally gave it. “I hope that doesn’t happen, but if…if it does, I want you to go with me.”

Your heart flip-flopped. This was the reassurance you wanted, no needed, to hear before you gave your heart completely back to him. “So, you’d ask me?” You didn’t have to say anything more, for he knew what you meant.

The smile that brightened his face, was almost blinding. “I’d ask you.” When he said that, your smile mirrored his. He kissed you then, his tongue mingling with yours and you gave yourself over to him, but all too soon he pulled away. “So are you saying that you’ll give us a second chance?”

It crossed your mind to make him wait, but then you’d both waited long enough. “Yes Jamie, I’ll give us another shot.” His mouth was on yours in a split second. The kiss was hard and demanding, begging you to give everything you had and so much more. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you drew him closer to you if that was even possible. It was several minutes before you both needed air, and even then, he would still sneak little peck at your lips.

“I love you, (Y/N).” The tip of his nosed touched yours, as he gave you a sweet little Eskimo kiss.

“I love you too Jame, and I’m so glad you’re back here with me, where you belong.”

[jenliliscripts]

Chapter 219

June’s POV

The ride to her apartment was awfully quiet, too quiet that it's already frightening. How do I begin telling her? Should I thank her for a night filled with warmth and intimacy, for creating an imaginary world for me? And another thought crossed my mind—should it remain a fantasy when I could make it a reality before this ends?

The soft whirring of the engine resonated within corners of my car as I pulled over in front of her building. I parted my lips, desperate to break the silence that hung over us, yet nothing came out. Another minute had passed and not a word was said.

"Lia"

"June"

We said in unison, looking at each other with uncertainty. I couldn't read her eyes—they're expressing different emotions at once that I couldn't pinpoint which one she's feeling right now. Is it sadness? Pity? Regret?

"You go first," she prompted, soothing her arm then turned away.

I cleared my throat, mustering all the courage I have before speaking. "Thank you for today, Lia. For being someone else for a night."

"It's nothing. You paid a lot for this," she answered, breathing the words out.

"…for laughing at my silly jokes. For answering every question I threw honestly. For chasing me outside the ice cream shop. For holding my hand every chance you could. For not letting go until we needed to."

Dipping her head down, she began playing with fingers. "Why are you saying all of that? You don't need to list  everything down."

"I just want you to hear it."

Silence.

Where do I go from here? How do I let her know?

"Lia I—"

"Thank you for tonight too. It was a long week and I've been having a rough patch myself. I guess this is somehow my escape from the issues I was dealing with."

She collected her purse, glancing at me again before she pulled the handle. "I'll go inside now, okay? You know what comes after this."

Divorce, my mind whispered.

I gripped the steering wheel tighter, digging my nails onto my palms. There are so many things left unsaid. Can we talk about the way you look at me? The way your eyes showed affection after pushing me away not so long ago? Like you wanted me to stay, like you wanted me to fight for whatever this is. Can we talk about the way you hold me? How tender your touch is against my skin? Am I the only one feeling it? And how can I forget about the kiss? The goddamn kiss. The way you gasped as I claimed your lips. The way every calculated move had you pulling my shirt, how it crumpled around your fingers as we got lost in the moment. If I hadn't stopped, where could we have ended? What will you make of us then?

Questions ceaselessly flooded my mind and despite that, I only managed to nod, letting my thoughts dangle at the tip of my tongue.

"Good night, June."

"Good night, Lia."

She stepped out, walking to the entrance slowly. I watched her shiver as the wind whipped past her. Should I let her go like this—admit defeat before the battle even started? Fuck it. I've seen enough to believe that she feels the same. She just needs a wake up call and I'm giving it to her now. If shit happens, then shit happens. It's all or nothing.

I frantically climbed down, jogging behind her. I snagged her wrist, her head quickly turning to me. I immediately released it and took a step back. "Lia. I have to tell you something."

Her expression shifted, fear washing over her in an instant. It seemed like she knew what I was going to say and that made her want to run away yet her feet were glued to the ground. "J-june, whatever that is, keep it to yourself."

"I—"

"No. Stop. I don't want to hear it."

"So you know?"

"I don't know anything. I have no idea what you're talking about and I don't want to know."

Lie. Your eyes say otherwise.

"I don't care if you refuse to hear it, Lia. I'm going to say it regardless." I exhaled audibly. The dreaded moment has come and I have no other choice but to go through it. "I love you, Lia."

She stumbled backwards, unable to respond to my confession. "I loved you for a while now and I wasn't sure if I should tell you because I know it will change everything. I was going to last time, but you said you're seeing Tyler again, so I decided not to. I was discouraged after knowing that, to be honest. I was almost convinced that I didn't have a chance."

My lips curled up to a smile as I look at her lovingly. Although she's evidently horrified by the revelation, I still looked at her with so much adoration. "But I thought again. How could I even have a chance at getting you if I don't tell you how I feel? At some point, you might have been confused. Your head must have been all over the place."

"No, I wasn't confused," she retorted, her brows meeting in the middle. "You're making things up."

"Lia, don't run away. I know you feel the same. Tell me I'm wrong. You can't deny these assumptions after everything that had happened. You, holding my hand, visiting me at home when I was sick—"

"I don't, okay!" she exclaimed, cutting me off, her face turning red as exploded in anger. "Stop twisting things. I don't like you that way. I never did, I never will."

Her words hurt—they're tearing every piece of my heart—and I felt helpless. But I have to keep going. I will not go home until I convince her to leave him for me. I'm sure she's only enraged at the fact that I'm right, that she wants me as much I want her—that she has fallen in love with a girl.

"Then why did you kiss me that night? If that was just an empty gesture, I would have known. I've kissed so many people Lia and no one has ever done it like you did. Not even Bailey who clearly liked me for quite some time." I moved closer to her. "Look, the more you try to hide it, the harder it gets. Fall for me. Fearlessly. Head first."

She was clenching her jaw, her eyes turning glassy. Her breathing was shallow and labored. "I would never, June. Everything about you scares me. I mean everything—your status, your family, your job, your history, the world you are in. I'm scared that being associated with you in any way could potentially destroy everything that I've worked hard for. A week ago, I committed a mistake at work all because I was too occupied thinking what I did wrong for you to act in such a cold way and I couldn't fully understand why I'm so concerned. For the love the of God, why should I care, right? I was out of myself and it didn't sit well with me. From that point on, I had to re-assess, June. I can't let you do this to me."

She sighed, biting her lip for a moment. "You're just going to make things harder for me. I was fine without you. I was completely okay until I woke up in your hotel room and you told me I got married to you. What followed after that were a series of unexpected turns that I wasn’t ready for. I don't need something new. I want what I already know and you—you're just too unpredictable and it's terrifying."

I remained quiet, not sure of what to say. I'm afraid that one wrong answer would serve as the final straw.

She shut her eyes, a line forming in between her brows as her frown grew deeper. "Our relationship is so unclear to me that I started to think of things that I shouldn't be. I didn't like those thoughts, June. Those possibilities and what ifs keep me up at night and as much as I want to deal with them, I'd rather push them away."

Lia avoided my gaze, blinking rapidly to keep her tears from falling. "It was nice playing pretend with you. It was nice that I could hold your hand and not think of the consequences. It was good that I could make up excuses when I become soft for you. We're two people who were fated to meet and that's all there is to it. Somewhere along the way, we need to say goodbye. We live in different worlds. You, of all people, should know that."

Before I realized it, tears started falling from my eyes. I've held them long enough and now they're crashing down one after another. "We don't have to end it. We can still go on. If you just trust me, we can make it work. I'll do everything to make it work."

I wiped my tears from my face but it was useless. My eyes became a flowing stream and the situation isn't helping at all. "You don't have to be scared about anything. Just give me something to hold on to and I'll do everything in my power to protect us. Tell me you love me too, Lia."

She shook her head, a lone tear escaping her eyes. "I don’t. How many times should I repeat myself? Allowing you to come close was a mistake. I should've kept you in a safe distance. I should’ve hated you until the very end.”

"If you can't tell me you love me, then," I cupped her cheek. She briefly recoiled against my touch, but she eventually gave in and let me keep my hand in place. "Can you answer this truthfully please? Do you love him?"

She held the hand that's latched on her face. "Don’t make it difficult for yourself, June. Just go. Leave."

"But I love you. How can I? I can't just stop here. I'll go against him if I have to. Do I need to beg you to choose me?"

She squeezed my shoulders with her other hand then moved towards me, resting her forehead on my chest. "June, what I want you to do is set me free. I need my old self back. I don’t like who I'm becoming because of you. If you really love me, you'd let me go."

"Even if you love me too?"

"I never said I did."

"You don’t need to. From what you said earlier and what I see in your eyes, I know you love me too. I get that your future is at stake. I get that you don't like exploring the unknown—you're not a risk taker. You never were. You always come back to what brings you comfort. But you're making the situation more complicated than it really is just because you don't want to admit the truth. We can easily sort this out, you know."

"June, please," she pleaded, sobbing softly as she banged her head against my chest.

I slowly reached for her nape with one hand and slipped the other behind her back, then pulled her in, her face now pressed against my chest. My lungs burned at every intake of breath and my heart was slowly sinking as time ticked away. "Shhh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

I continued apologizing, stroking her back until she stopped crying. "If I disappear from your life, will it make everything better?"

I felt her nod and I drown further in the waves of pain brought by her response. "And you won't regret your decision?"

She shook her head, her fingers clutching the hem of my jacket. Her actions were always contradicting from the very beginning and even now that we are nearing the end, she's still behaving in the same manner. She wants me to go yet her hands says something different. She said she doesn't love me yet there was a hint of sadness in her eyes whenever she denied it.

I breathed out before loosening my embrace. I leaned slightly backwards to get a good look at her face. I tipped her chin up and looked at her lovingly, as if it was the last time I could be this close and maybe this is really the last. "Are you sure?"

She sniffed, her eyes unrelenting. "Yes, I am."

I flashed a somber smile as I tucked the strands of hair on her face behind her ear then planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "Okay, then. I will do as you wish, Lili."

I retreated and stood at arm's length. "I'm still glad I got to tell you. At least I won't walk away with regrets. I respect your decision and because I love you, it's enough reason to listen to you. You know I normally wouldn’t accept rejection, but many things changed since I felt this way for you. I've completely lost the old me and I'm happy with who I am now. I even like myself better. How I wish you share the same sentiment, but as you said earlier, you don't like who you are becoming because of me and that's just so sad. Nevertheless…"

I inhaled deeply, bracing myself for the pain that's about to crush me after I say these words to her. "I will live as if we hadn't met. If I see you somewhere, maybe in your office, I will walk past you like I never knew you. I will be out of your life from here on out, Lia. You’re free from me."

[kasu-meow]

⭐SE Headcanons - The girls and Scholar at a sleepover party

Hey anon! I’m flattered you thought of me for this, but I actually don’t really take requests, usually. It’s mostly because I’m not sure I could keep up and write every request in a satisfying way, in a short amount of time. I still wrote your request this time though, and I hope you like it :) under the cut because I went a little overboard and it’s about 3500 words.

Ellie:

When Ellie invited you to her sleepover party, she could barely contain her excitement

She was jumping left and right, saying how it would be the most amazing sleepover ever, and the most wicked hangout you’d ever been to

You had no idea what to expect, and prepared yourself for the worst

And you were right to, because as soon as you stepped in her room you were met with absolute chaos

There were only about three or four people, but the combination of yelling and running made your head hurt a little

It was a wonder how the custodians hadn’t caught them yet

You were gaping at the front door without really daring to enter, when Ellie spotted you and dragged you inside

“Scholar, you came!!! What are you doing just standing there? Come in, we’re gonna prank Tegan when he comes back from the bathroom!”

You didn’t have the time to understand what was happening, someone was already shoving you behind the bed as Tyler and Ellie spilled fake blood (and knives) everywhere

As soon as they heard steps, Ellie hid in the closet and Tyler ducked in an angle behind the door, phone already in hand

“Holy sh…”

Tegan made his way to the center of the room and looked at the puddles of blood, clearly confused, as Ellie jumped out of the closet and pretended to fall down on the floor like a corpse

Tegan’s scream echoed throughout the dorms, and Tyler and Ellie couldn’t help but burst out laughing

“I hate you guys” was all Tegan could say

Still pretty confused, you came out of your hiding spot and finally greeted everyone

“Sorry for dragging you into that all of a sudden! But you came at the worst moment ahahah!”

Ellie had approached you, still unable to stay still, and flashed you one of her bright smiles

“S’okay ahah I was just confused, is all. Hey, awesome PJs by the way!”

You had failed to notice it in the confusion before, but Ellie was wearing a Jolteon onesie, Tegan an Umbreon one and Tyler a Flareon one

“Thanks, yours aren’t bad either! Next sleepover, you HAVE to match with us! What’s your favorite Eeveelution?”

The party continued as Ellie tried to assign you your “official Eeveelution,” till you heard footsteps in the hallway

Everyone quietened down, but the footsteps stopped right in front of the door and someone knocked

“Are we expecting someone else?”

“Sssh, be quiet”

“Ms. Collins,” another knock “it’s the custodian. Please open the door.”

“Shoot! Everybody hide!”

You scrambled to hide under the bed as Tegan turned the TV on and Tyler and Ellie cleaned up, almost as if they’d rehearsed this

A second later, Ellie opened the door

“Ms. Collins, you are making a lot of noise, and we’ve received reports of several students who say they heard someone scream in your room.” The custodian said as he looked inside

“Ah, sorry about that! I was just watching a horror movie” Ellie said as she gestured towards the tv, “I promise I’ll keep it down.”

“Very well…” replied the custodian, not fully convinced.

He glanced at Ellie one last time, then made his way back

Ellie closed the door and after waiting a few seconds, everyone came out

“That was close! Had he decided to come in and check, we would’ve been toast!” Tyler said, almost bumping his head crawling out from under the desk

You tried your best to honor your promise to keep it down for the rest of the evening, and soon enough it was time for bed

You were deciding on sleeping arrangements, when Ellie approached you

“Wanna sleep in my bed, Scholar?”

You blushed at the suggestion, but before you could reply, Ellie was already speaking again

“We don’t have enough mattresses so someone has to sleep with me..”

You felt a little stupid for misunderstanding, but you still chuckled and tried to play it off

“Uh, sure! I already had to hide there twice tonight, might as well.”

Ellie giggled as she ducked under the cover, patting the mattress as an invitation

You gladly complied and slid under the covers too, you couldn’t help but feel giddy as you faced Ellie’s smiling face

“You’re a lifesaver, Scholar. If you had said no, I would’ve had to ask one of TnT and I figured you’re much cuter, so I’d rather spoon with you~”

A small blush made its way to her face despite her trying to sound smooth, and if made your face feel hotter, too.

“Smooth” was all you could reply as you shily broke eye contact and moved closer to Ellie

“’Night, Scholar~”

You tried to close your eyes, but with the butterflies you were feeling in your stomach, you weren’t sure you would be getting much sleep that night

“’Night, Ellie…”

Karolina:

Karol is the type of person who doesn’t get along with most people, but keeps her valuable connections very close

She has an image to uphold, and she would rather die than be seen with people who could damage said image

So saying that you were surprised when she invited you to her exclusive sleepover party was an understatement

You thought it might be a prank and she would ridicule you as soon as you entered her room, but you knew Karolina was better than that

You fidgeted for days trying to make up your mind, and you decided you should probably go

Because after being invited by Karolina herself, ditching the sleepover seemed like condemning yourself to your own death

You packed your best PJs, got everything you might have needed and even prepared a snack to bring over, and you made your way to the model’s room

Neha greeted you at the door, and Karol only sent you a glance as an acknowledgment of your presence

You settled down in a small spot near the side of the room, and looked around to see who else Karolina had deemed worthy of her presence

You weren’t surprised to see it was mostly other famous models, designers and businesspeople

You tried to blend in and make some conversation, but you were finding it hard to relate to most of those people

You wondered what you were doing there for the hundredth time that night

You took another look around the room: Neha was busy exchanging sketchbooks with other designers, talking about ideas and giving tips here and there, but Karolina was alone, elegantly sitting with her back against her bed in her red nightgown, sipping on her drink, looking effortlessly mesmerizing

You made your way to where she was sitting, and quietly sat down next to her, subtly sneaking a few glances her way

“If you want something, you should stop looking at me every five seconds and just say it.”

Okay, maybe not so subtly

“I was just wondering why you invited me. I thought you didn’t like me.”

Karolina briefly looked at you, then shifted her gaze to her drink, then back at you. She seemed uncertain, a look she rarely sported, when she softly answered

“I don’t…”

You knew that already, it was something she had made clear plenty of times, so why was she acting so precious about it now?

“…dislike you.”

Oh.

Your heart skipped several beats, and you weren’t quite sure how to reply to that. Karolina didn’t dislike you? Did that mean she-

“Hold it right there. I can see every single thought that’s going through that little brain of yours; I didn’t say I liked you, I just said your presence doesn’t make me want to throw up. That’s all.”

Eh, good enough. You’d take what you could get. But right now, you had something very important to do: tease the hell out of Karolina.

“I think you liiiiiike me~ Karolina, you big softie! I didn’t know you felt that way!”

“Wha- don’t call me that! That’s it, I knew I shouldn’t have invited you! What are those, pajamas? Disgusting.”

She shot you a horrified look, but you could make out a small patch of red making its way to her cheeks

You smiled to yourself, hiding your own blush

You felt like an idiot for falling for Karolina, you thought she hated your guts and a relationship with her looked impossible even in your dreams

However, that night, you definitely made a step in the right way. It’s not like she professed her undying love for you, but at least now, you had a small chance

And that was enough to make your heart flutter

 Neha:

Midterms were drawing closer and closer, but you still felt insecure about some subjects, especially the ones that had never been your strong suit

You and Neha were talking and exchanging notes during lunch when you two came up with the idea of having a sleepover to cram before midterms

Neha offered to have it in her room

You were a little worried about Karolina, but Neha said it would be fine

You decided against inviting many people, considering it wasn’t even your room, and only asked Claire if she wanted to come

The night of the sleepover, you grabbed your books, notes, and some snacks and headed over

Neha opened the door, already in her silk golden nightgown, and greeted you with a soft smile

You made eye contact with Karolina as you were going in, and she shot you a glare

It was obvious she wasn’t enthusiastic at the idea of you being in her room, hanging out with her best friend, but she trusted Neha enough not to object

You were all very diligent for a while, but as everyone got sleepy, the focus started to shift from studying to other things

“Neha~ are those drawings on the closet all yours?”

You recognized the girl who asked as one of the members of the student council

She was snacking and looking through them, while completely ignoring the math problem you were all trying to solve

“Uhm, yes, Anne, but the homework-”

“Wow, Neha! Do you have more drawings we could see?”

Neha looked embarrassed about being the center of attention all of a sudden, but she still pulled out some sketchbooks to show her guests

“I guess it can’t hurt to take a break…”

As the girls fawned over Neha’s designs, even Karolina, who had been mostly indifferent the entire evening, joined the conversation to praise her friend

She even pulled out the department competition’s dress from her closet and showed it to the rest of the girls, proud of how talented her best friend was

Neha, however, was sitting outside of the little group, observing the conversation from the outside

You decided to go sit next to her, for a chance to be let in her inner thoughts

“Whatcha thinking about, Neha?”

“Oh… nothing much, I just… don’t really know what to say in these situations. When everyone’s complimenting me like this. Other than thanks, of course.”

You hummed pensively

It was true that Neha was well-known, despite her business still being fairly new, but you were under the impression that Karolina usually captivated everyone, so Neha might still not have been used to people noticing her designs rather than the model in them

You smiled at her, and let some of your feelings spill out

“Well, I love your designs too, and I think you’re very talented and you deserve all the praise. Even Bersace singled you out during the department competition. You are special Neha, and more and more people are starting to realize that.”

She looked at you, a mix of surprised and flattered

You were starting to worry that you might have overstepped or said something weird, but you were met with one of Neha’s warm smiles

“Thank you, Scholar. I’m happy, really. It means a lot for me, sharing my designs with the world, and the fact that people like them. That you like them.”

You returned her smile, with a fuzzy feeling in your chest

Feeling a surge of bravery, you took her hand in yours and gave it a little squeeze in encouragement

To your surprise, she didn’t reject you, she squeezed back and looked you in the eyes

She got up after a moment, straightening her skirt and tidying up the table where you’d been studying

“Alright,” she declared “break’s over. Who wants some coffee? We still have a lot of subjects to tackle.”

You smiled as the others groaned, and Anne dramatically threw herself on a bed, but you decided to get to work

You went to help Neha with the coffee, while Claire and Karolina decided on the next subjects to revise

You had a long night ahead of you

 Claire:

Claire approached you outside of science class to invite you to a small get together she had been planning

She said she had been thinking of doing something for her friends after the Nakano incident, to take everyone’s minds off it

It was apparently Raquel who suggested they plan a sleepover to relax and recharge before diving back into their regular packed schedules, and Claire was more than happy to plan something for her close friends to have fun together

Claire always managed to warm your heart; how could you refuse?

You were excited at the idea of spending time with the local angel and your other close friends, and you even made cookies to bring to the party

Granted, they weren’t the best cookies out there, but they were made with love and that’s what mattered, right?

…Right?

The night of the party, you packed everything you needed in a small bag, and put your cookies in a special wrap, hoping it’d make them more appealing

You knew you had nothing to worry about, this is Claire we’re talking about, but still… you wanted to make something nice

…And maybe impress her a little bit

You changed into your PJs and made your way to Claire’s door, making sure no one saw you

You quickly ducked into the room, and were greeted by a smiling Claire

She was wearing simple light blue pajamas, but she looked unbelievably cute to you

You were a blushing and stuttering mess as you handed her the cookies you’d made, her overjoyed eyes almost melting you on the spot

“Scholar, you didn’t have to bring anything! That was so nice of you to make something, though. These will be great with the tea Neha and I are going to make.”

You looked over to the Indian girl, and you saw her plug in a portable stove

There were a large variety of tea bags, flavors scattered on a table next to some pots

Everyone picked a flavor following Neha’s and Claire’s recommendations, and soon enough, you found yourself with your own cup in hands

While waiting for the hot liquid to cool down a bit, you let your eyes wander towards the blonde girl who’d been monopolizing your thoughts lately

Claire was putting down her cup after blowing on it a little, to turn and make eye contact with you

She smiled at you and got up, as your heart leaped in your chest

“I almost forgot! Scholar was kind enough to bake us cookies. I’ll put them in a plate here on the table, so help yourselves if you feel hungry.”

As she put the plate down, several people scooched closer to grab some of your cookies, and you saw Claire take some herself

You grew incredibly self-conscious as she took a bite, and you decided that staring at your mug was better than following Claire’s every move like a creep

You shoved some of the cookies in your mouth to keep yourself occupied, and you looked up in surprise

Huh. They weren’t quite as terrible as you remembered

In a moment of bravery, you decided to approach Claire

“Hey Claire…”

“Scholar, hi! Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Ah, yes! Everyone’s really nice, and the tea’s so good. And, uh… did you like the cookies I brought…?”

You looked away in embarrassment; it wasn’t like you to fish for compliments, but you genuinely valued Claire’s opinion and wanted to make sure she didn’t hate them

“I loved them! You are a great cook, Scholar.”

“Oh, thank God! I thought they didn’t come out well, to be honest…”

“Are you joking? They are good, Scholar! Besides, you made them, so I’d have loved them regardless…”

“Oh?”

You looked at Claire, who bit her lip, eyes widening in realization

“I-I meant! I always love everything you do, and…”

Blushing like mad, Claire quickly got up

“I’m going to go prepare the mattresses!”

You followed her with your eyes, your face feeling hotter and hotter as you recalled her words

Love…

You let yourself bask in the idea of your feelings possibly being reciprocated, before you started drinking your tea again

Was it the sweet, honey-like flavor you were tasting that was making your heart warm, or was it the sight of a clumsy blonde scrambling to take out the mattresses, trying to hide her blushing face?

You took another sip to calm your nerves, before you got up and went to help her

 Raquel:

You were pretty nervous at the idea of spending the night with your crush, but knowing Raquel, you went in there thinking she invited lots of people and it wouldn’t be intimate at all

You were wrong

There were five or six people tops, excluding you

You thought maybe the others hadn’t arrived yet, but when Claire warmly greeted you at the door, she said you were the last person they were expecting

“You made it, Scholar!”

Raquel greeted you with a grin, putting her arm around your shoulder

She was wearing a tank top and shorts

While you did imagine that she might wear something like this for bed, it didn’t prepare you for how hot she actually looked

You tried to regain your composure while you were putting down your stuff, and you thankfully succeeded

You looked around the room once again, and you spotted a couple girls from the soccer team, and other students from the Athletics’ Department

You were so concentrated on people watching though, that you didn’t notice Raquel sitting down next to you

She gave you the scare of a lifetime

“Oops, sorry Scholar ahah! What were you thinking about so hard?”

“I was just trying to recognize everyone, I’m a little surprised you didn’t invite the whole soccer team.”

“I actually did, y’know? But some of them had assignments and stuff.”

“Oh.”

You were admittedly a little tense; you weren’t expecting such an intimate situation with your crush and it got you flustered

So your brain may or may not have been forming sentences the way it normally did

“You know Scholar, I was thinking… now’s the perfect chance for you to take up on my offer?”

“Your offer?”

“To get physical~”

You turned your head so fast that you almost hurt yourself, your eyes widening and your heart beating way too fast for your own good

But before you could say anything (not that you would’ve been able to, with how dry your throat was) you were smacked with a pillow, right on your face

As you blinked, trying to understand what just happened, you started to make out Raquel’s triumphant expression

“PILLOW FIGHT!!!” A girl, who you recognized as one of Raquel’s teammates, yelled out after witnessing Raquel’s vicious attack

The battle was intense and harrowing; friendships ended and alliances were born, some people were so scarred they could never recover from the trauma

You and Claire had built a small pillow fort to protect yourselves from the Athletics’ Department students gone feral

As you were about to enter though, Claire got caught in the fire between a basketball girl and a tennis girl

“Why is this happening?! I don’t want to hit anyone!”

“Nooooo, Claire!” You screamed, you had to go save her!

“Ssssh, let her go, Scholar… she’s gone now…”

You turned around to find out that Raquel had crashed your fort and was now hiding with you

“You… you traitor! First me, and now Claire…” you pretended to be upset, it’s at times like these that you regretted not being able to channel fake tears

“Pff, you are a terrible actress, Scholar.” She replied “But I’m sorry for attacking you earlier, really. It’s just that you looked so nervous, y’know? I want you to have fun tonight.”

Your heart skipped a beat after being reminded of the situation you were in earlier, and Raquel’s offer to get physical

Although it turned out, it wasn’t the physical you were thinking of

“You don’t have to be nervous, Scholar. It’s just me.”

Yeah, it was just Raquel

But you smiled at her, ignoring the butterflies, and you hid together in your castle while the outside world went in ruins

This would’ve been hella romantic, you thought, if it wasn’t just a pillow fight

[livingintheworldofstories]

Humany-Wumany (part 2 / 2)

Pairing: Metacrisis Tenth Doctor x Rose Tyler Genre: angst with a happy ending Summary:  The Doctor is determined he will be excellent at humaning, but then, he's known for succumbing to hubris every now and then. And he'll try to  win Rose Tyler's heart when she's still longing for the Time Lord  version of him - though even he knows that might be a hopeless  endeavour, doomed to fail from the start. ao3: Humany-Wumany Part 1: Humany-Wumany (part 1 /  2) *** One of the things the Doctor has always loved about humans is their unwavering optimism. And it really is hard to keep at bay. Suddenly, he can see the future again. Rose Tyler will be there. The rest is just specifics.

It’s scary how much he wants it. And has wanted it, for such a long time. His favorite scents: morning breath, her strawberry shampoo, slow-dripping coffee. When laughter over the breakfast table blends into a hand held under the dinner table blends into a life lived happily. Each glittering moment of human ordinariness has become unbearably precious. The universe is his to lose.

“What’s put you in such a good mood?” Rose asks him on his third day nearly human after he’s come into the dining room humming under his breath. She looks beautiful in her tiredness, her unkempt hair falling into her eyes.

Sleep would come more easily if she was right next to him.

“Egg warmers,” he declares confidently, even though it’s just the first thing that pops in his head. “Fascinating human invention. Small egg with a hat, imagine that! Do you have egg warmers somewhere?” He looks into the direction of the kitchen counters, but Rose shakes her head.

“Mum’s not really much for knitting.”

The Doctor pulls a disappointed face. He assesses the tragic situation on the breakfast table: two poor eggs in egg cups, both hatless.

“What’s the point of eggs if not to put little hats on them?”

He grabs a banana from the basket of non-fake fruits. He perches himself up on the table, right next to Rose’s egg.

“So I’ve been thinking,” he starts. Rose watches him over the rim of her coffee mug. “I should practice being human, now that I’m, y’know, human…”

Rose is sending him a slow look, probably wondering where he is going with this. Which he is, of course! He’s always going somewhere.

“Now, tables, if you think about it, are really terribly boring.” “Maybe that’s because you’ve been using it as a chair this whole time,” she counters and kicks at his foot.

“You’re right, chairs are even more boring. Terrible concept, really. Luckily, humans have this great other invention – where they eat food on the ground, no tables or chairs anywhere involved. How brilliant is that?”

“You mean… a picnic?” “Exactly! A picnic! What a great name, rolls off the tongue. Let’s have a big picnic in a tic!” “That’ll do the trick,” Rose says. She seems amused.

“So you’re on board? Later today, picnic?” “What, are you telling me you are preparing food?” She doesn’t sound overly excited at the prospect, maybe even a little horrified.

“Oh yes. Great food-preparer, me. Or, well…” He hesitates, remembering the kitchen incident. “If it doesn’t involve any heating processes. Or knives. Or a complicated assortment of spices. Or an uncomplicated one. And come to think of it, do you think Jackie could be persuaded to let me into the kitchen again?”

“Lucky for you, you have the right connections,” she smirks at him. For a moment, he blinks, uncomprehending.

“Oh! Right.” It’s a good feeling that fills his chest with warmth. To think that they’re in this together. “So we got a deal, then, associate?”

“You bet we do,” Rose grins, “I can’t wait to see your second attempt at permanently destroying the kitchen.” The Doctor, of course, takes great offense. “Hey! Have you got no faith in me?” “When it comes to cooking?” Rose leans back in her chair. “None at all.”

“That barely counts as cooking,” the Doctor says, because he is an amazing hair-splitter when he wants to be. “Which I could be great at, by the way, if I had a little bit of practice.”

“No doubt about it,” Rose says and gets up from her chair to walk away into the kitchen.

“You don’t sound like you believe that,” the Doctor calls after her indignantly. He can hear her snicker. “Rose?” She’s laughing at him again. “Rose!”

But it’s fine. She’s warming up to him. He knows so far all his attempts at being normal have failed miserably, but at least she isn’t fed up with it yet. She’s still giving him chances. But it’s incredibly difficult to gauge how many he has left. Before it becomes clear to her that this is not working. That he may be impressive saving worlds and traveling through space and time, but that, when it comes to being human, he’s a lost cause. She might realize soon that she’ll be better off with someone who’s genuinely human. Zero percent Time Lord. One hundred percent suited for a domestic life. Not like he is. He is unused to this feeling of inferiority. Usually it’s the other way around. He’d often have to argue that his head was perfectly normal sized and not in the least too big for his body. But now… What good is being able to operate a highly complex space ship from, say, the 67th century, when you can’t even operate a laundry machine? Who, in a small corner of London, will be dazzled by his ability to speak dozens of alien languages, when none of these alien races will even make contact with earth for several centuries or longer? They were downright ludicrous, really, the accusations of his other self – born out of blood and anger and revenge. Born in fire. All he can set on fire is the kitchen. The bloody Oncoming Storm raging through a mansion on earth, oh, what a threat he makes. The universe shall shudder in fear when he takes his gruesome revenge on the dish washer for not cleaning all the dishes properly.

It’s all alright though, all okay, so long as he focuses on the task at hand. He’ll show this world that he can make a mean sandwich, if not much else. *** Rose tips back her head when she laughs, which exposes her throat, which is beautiful to look at. Her hair glows brightly in the sun. It’s so easy to forget all the things that are wrong if this one thing is right.

They are sitting on a blanket in a park close to the mansion. Rose had picked the spot. Before they’d left, she’d asked him: “Well, where do you want to go?” “I don’t know anything about this universe,” he’d said, “you lead the way.” And then she’d taken his hand, his cursed, magical hand that had once been fully Time Lord. And now they were eating his carefully prepared sandwiches, which she seemed to like – all according to a nefarious plan of his own making. (Ha, take that, other Doctor.)

“So there’s no Eiffel tower in this universe?” he asks.

“Nope,” she says.

So they couldn’t visit the most romantic spot of the so-called City of Love in this universe. Of course, in all the universe, there are far more romantic spots he could have taken her, but now that they are earth-bound, it is a bit of a bummer. But then again… She probably wouldn’t want to go with him now anyway.

“I suppose,” he begins, suddenly somber, “there are some things this universe just doesn’t have to offer.”

She holds his gaze and he is overcome by the feeling that one word from her could make his single heart stop beating.

“Do you prefer the other one?” he asks, even though he really shouldn’t. For his own sake. But anything he does these days seems to end up cutting his own flesh, so what difference does it really make? She doesn’t respond for a moment. “The other universe, I mean,” he clarifies quickly, almost tripping over the words.

She still won’t look away. Why not? Is there something on his face? Is she seeing him? (How couldn’t she?) But she shakes her head.

“I mean, when it comes down to it, they’re not all that different,” she says slowly. “For a while, I got really irritated at those pink traffic lights, but eventually I got used to it. There are some things I miss, but this universe has its perks too.”

“It does?” She leans forward conspiratorially.

“There might not be an Eiffel tower in this universe, but there are the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.” “I thought Babylon didn’t exist anymore,” he tilts his head in thought. “Visited once, but that was a long time in the past.” “Not in this universe,” she says, “and those gardens are supposed to be really… romantic.”

“Yeah?” A tentative smile crosses his face. “Yeah,” she smiles back. And then she intertwines their fingers. And it’s so hard to breathe when she looks at him this way, the way she used to. Maybe they are not out of sync any longer. Maybe she can really see him. Maybe they can live in a house with a garden, even if it had a white picket fence. Maybe the key to the universe isn’t gone with the TARDIS, it just looks a little different now.

Then he remembers.

“Here,” he says and reaches into his pocket. “I saw this and thought of you.” She makes a small noise when she sees the dandelion he picked on the way, one he can’t really interpret without the TARDIS translating for him.

“I know it’s not a rose, but…” “Shut up.” But is that her typical don’t-be-an-idiot-shut-up, or is it you-shouldn’t-have-done-this-shut-up? When did she become so hard to read? He feels illiterate when it comes to Rose, like he tries so hard to understand but it just never quite adds up to a complete picture.

She takes the dandelion from him and puts it behind her ear and rolls her eyes at him, like don’t be an idiot.

“Suits you,” he says softly.

Then she frowns, touches the flower and then looks at their joined hands.

“Wait a minute,” she says, “is this a date?” He gulps when she lets go off his hand.

“Did you trick me into going on a date with you?” “Now, I wouldn’t say tricked,” he tries to reason.

“You lied! You said you wanted to practice being human.” “I would say skillfully talked around the truth.”

“I can’t believe you,” she harrumphs and lets herself fall back on the blanket.

His heart is beating irritatingly quickly. That seems to happen a lot, lately. Only got one heart and all it seems to want is to leap out of his chest and run away. Really rather rude, that.

“Are you upset with me?” he asks hesitantly.

“You’re an idiot,” she answers and shoves his shoulder lightly. But she doesn’t run off screaming. So he lays down right next to her, blinking up at the sun. Very slowly, he brushes his hand against hers. Then, because he is very brave, he slides their palms together. And then, in what might well be the however-manyeth World Wonder of this universe, she entangles their fingers and squeezes his hand.

*** Maybe being human is not so hard after all, the Doctor thinks. After spending the afternoon at the park, they’re standing in the corridor of the mansion. All day, Rose has barely let go off his hand.

“I should really go to sleep,” she says now, but doesn’t move. Perhaps she doesn’t want to leave. The Doctor knows he doesn’t. (He doesn’t want to go back to the big lonely bed where there is way too much space for dark thoughts to settle under the blanket with him.)

“Are you having nightmares?” he asks softly. He really hopes she will say no, but she gives him a small nod.

“So do I.” His voice almost cracks with the admission.

“Guess we can’t avoid that.” “No.” “But we don’t have to be alone.” It’s a fact as much as it’s a suggestion.

“No,” the Doctor whispers again.

After he has changed into the pajamas Rose had somehow procured for him, he enters her room. Even though she asked him to come, he feels a little like an intruder. He can barely see it in the dark, but it doesn’t matter, because his eyes are only on her and the way she is lying on her side under the blankets. Her bed is just as big as the guest bed. (But tonight, it won’t be lonely.)

He slips under the blanket quietly. She is watching him, too. Maybe they are both worried the other will disappear. Just like before. Immediately, she reaches out for his hand again, as if any point of contact could miraculously keep him in this universe.

“Are you dreaming…” he says, swallows, doesn’t want to ask, but somehow has to. “Are you dreaming about him?” “Would you be upset if I was?” “All I want…” Why has it suddenly become so hard for him to talk? Each word is stubborn, doesn’t want to be spoken. “All I want is for you to be happy.”

“It’s just that he’s out there somewhere.” She gets choked up. “All on his own.”

“Not forever.”

It can’t be a promise, he knows that, but he wants to reassure her in any way he can.

“How can you know?” “Well. I’m tougher than I look.”

“I know.” He runs his fingers over her arm, watching where her eyes glint in the dark. “At least he has Donna,” she whispers.

His throat gets tight.

“He doesn’t.” She props herself up on one elbow.

“She… She couldn’t have lasted long, with all that Time Lord knowledge in a human brain. It would have burned her up. The only way to save her would have been to erase any memory of me – of the Doctor from her mind. She’ll have forgotten him by now.” “Oh,” she sounds shocked. He’s mucking things up again. He’s not making her feel better, he’s making everything worse. And suddenly the thought of Donna presses down on him, so hard that he drops on his back instead of facing Rose. Donna’s voice in his head when he found out she really thought of herself as unimportant echos in his mind.

“She’s – it was all my fault,” he confesses. He wouldn’t blame her if she resented him for it, not only for ruining Donna’s life but also that of the other Doctor. His very existence brought nothing but trouble, has made everyone unhappy. Even Rose, because he knows, just knows she would be happier if she was back on the TARDIS, if there was only one of him. “If it weren’t for the metacrisis – if it weren’t for me -” “Then she would be dead,” Rose interrupts, “the Daleks would have destroyed the TARDIS with Donna in it.”

Automatically, he opens his mouth to protest, but finds that there’s nothing he can say.

“I miss her,” he says instead. “She was my best friend. And the TARDIS. She’s gone from my mind.” “The telepathic link -”

For a moment, he reaches out with his mind, but there’s no one there. No Time Lords, no TARDIS. The problem with splitting yourself in two is that you only get to live half a life. (He didn’t expect the loneliness.) “Gone.”

A tear rolls from his eye, but it’s okay. She can’t see it in the darkness.

That’s not all he dreams of, of course. There isn’t a man in the universe with more regrets. (Not in this one, anyway.) How many people have died in his arms? How many have died because of him? How many times did he hope only to have it ripped away from him again? When he closes his eyes, he sees the world burning and it’s him that set it on fire. And it always has been.

But he can’t tell her that. Not yet. Not tonight.

Instead, he pulls her into his arms in the darkness and she presses herself to his chest. The world is small enough not to get lost in. And that night, both of them sleep soundly. ***

The next morning, the Doctor wakes up alone, but he isn’t overly anxious about it. He thinks about the whole time he’s getting dressed. He will get a job. In fact, he could work with Rose at Torchwood. That does seem to be where his expertise lies. Well, one of his expertises at least, the alien one.

He wants to take Rose on another date. He wants to go to the movies or the zoo or to get ice cream or chips or wherever humans go when they can’t take their eyes off one another.

He nearly starts whistling before he enters the dining room, but he doesn’t and that’s why he hears someone say his name on the inside.

“How are you and the Doctor doing?” Innocuous question, but something still gives the Doctor pause. He waits with his hand on the door handle.

“Fine.” It’s Rose’s voice. “I mean, I don’t know. It’s really… confusing.” Confusing. That’s okay, he’ll take that. He can deal with confusing. Loads of people have been confused by him in the past.

“Do you love him?”

Ah, he should step back, he should really go before she answers, but suddenly he is rooted to the spot, for the whole long moment she hesitates to answer. “I love the Doctor,” she says then, and the breath catches in his throat, “I don’t think I could ever love anyone else.” She says it with conviction, the way people who are in love tend to do. One love is always the one and only love, the last love, at least until the next one comes around. But if anyone is going to mean it, it’s Rose Tyler about the Doctor. Her Doctor. The one who has abandoned her.

For a dreadful, lovely little while he’d really forgotten. That now he would have to make do with half a life. And Rose is making do with half a man. If she ever loves him, it must be like falling in love with a memory. She is never going to say it back. She will allow him to love her, graciously, quietly, but she will never say it back.

He takes a deep breath and steels his shoulders. He won’t run away from this. He has braced himself against worse before. How foolish it had been of him to think she just needed time. What she needs, what she truly needs, is the other Doctor.

He pastes on a smile before he opens the door. Of course, Rose can tell his fake smiles from his real ones, but she won’t comment, assume it’s his general inability to adjust to his new situation. Which isn’t so far from the truth. (She was right when she said he was a thief. If she ever feels anything toward him, they will be stolen affections, belonging to another man. Except for her resentment. That one belongs rightfully to him.)

“Morning,” he says brightly.

The room falls quiet instantly, but he ignores it and saunters into the room, like nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. “Banana?” Rose asks and smiles at him. She really shouldn’t do that. It only makes him feel things he shouldn’t.

“Nah, thanks,” he declines. What right does he have to like bananas? Maybe bananas don’t want to be liked by a man like him. He’ll just have a pear instead. Those deserve no sympathy.

Rose’s kind eyes follow him when he walks around the dining table and picks up a pear. She’s concerned about him. She does care. That’s what she does, now. Make the best of a bad deal. *** “Oh, don’t tell me you’re drunk already,” Jackie tells him in the evening.

“Time Lords don’t get drunk,” he insists. A couple of her friends had come over earlier and then they’d opened a bottle of wine. The Doctor had also wanted a glass. Just to blend in, of course, and definitely not to wallow in self-pity. Time Lords don’t do that.

“Shame you aren’t one then,” Jackie says, “at least not completely.” Why is he even talking to her? Where is Rose?

He swirls around, or tries to, but the speed of it topples him over.

“You’re drunk,” Jackie accuses.

“It’s just this rubbish human coordination,” the Doctor says, “is what it is.”

Something of him is missing, he’s sure of it, though he can’t quite determine what it is. Maybe it’s his foot and that’s why he fell over. He slowly rights himself, but it’s surprisingly hard. (Possibly due to lack of foot.)

“Are you sure you can do this?” Jackie asks from very far away, probably a good few meters above him. “The slow life? The nine to five?” He manages to balance himself on two feet. Jackie is right in front of his face. Huh.

“I’m the Doctor,” the Doctor says confidently, “I can do anything.”

It’s a really bad moment to trip again, but evidently, his legs don’t care about that. Jackie holds out a hand for him, but there seem to be suddenly two of her.

“Zygon!” the Doctor yells. After blinking two times, there’s only one Jackie again. Still holding out her hand. “No, no, you’re not a zygon. Probably.” He waves his hand around dismissively and instead of grabbing Jackie’s, he leans back onto the porch, until his head hits the hard stone floor. “Don’t you worry about me,” the Doctor says. “I’ve got it aaaall under control.” Only that he doesn’t. Which is why he won’t be getting up again in the near future. It’s an important skill, that. To know when you’re beaten. He closes his eyes for a long moment and tries to swallow the bile rising in his throat. It’s bitter, all so bitter…

When he opens his eyes again, Rose is standing over him.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” she says. But she’s smiling, always smiling. She’s far too nice to him. Cutting him slack.

“Well, it’s a nice floor.”

“Hope you’re not planning on sleeping here again. Believe it or not, but beds are actually more convenient for that.” “I would have to walk quite a way,” the Doctor says, feeling dizzy. “That’s not very convenient.”

“You’re right,” she answers and proceeds to lay down on the porch right next to him. They both look up at the stars. The not-quite-right stars. He would love nothing more than to get up close and personal with them to look for the differences. “Humans,” the Doctor says, like it’s something extraordinarily despicable, “they get goo in their eyes, did you know that? You wake up and there’s stuff in your eyes! How’s that practical?” “However will you cope?” She throws an arm over her forehead, like it’s a horrible tragedy. Which it is. She’s stuck her tongue between her teeth again, which he is absolutely certain she does only to torture him. Personally.

“I would watch a water tap drip for you, did you know that?” he asks quietly, looking back at the stars. They’re so untouchable, even though there’s not even a wall between them. Just space. Space upon space upon space. “I would sit here and watch a flower grow. If you asked me to.” “You’re drunk,” Rose says, which rings some sort of a bell.

“So they tell me.”

He wonders about whatever limb of his went missing. Something… Something went missing… But right now, right here, he’s not missing anything at all. “You make me feel whole,” he whispers. Even though she will forever be wishing he were someone else. “You make me feel whole…” It’s his last thought before he drifts off.

*** His head is pounding when consciousness drags him back by his lapels into miserable reality. He is in a bed, even though he distinctly remembers not falling asleep in one. It’s only when he’s half-way through brushing his teeth that he remembers what he said to Rose. That’s it. Alcohol is banned from this rubbish part human body. He never should have conducted that experiment in the first place. Now he’d gone and embarrassed himself in front of Rose. And told her things she really doesn’t want to hear.

He’ll stay here forever, he thinks while he is getting dressed, into borrowed clothes, and suddenly  he is horrified. In this house, in this bathroom. This is it. There’s nothing more, there is nothing to discover, there is just day by day by miserable day.

He will drown in a sea of sameness. He will die within a small amount of years, within hours, within seconds. And Rose will miss him, only she won’t be missing him, but a man a universe away.

He stops with three buttons still undone and doesn’t bother putting on shoes. He rushes down the corridor, past Jackie, who yelps and nearly drops her hairdryer. He runs out the front door and he has nowhere to go, but it doesn’t matter because all he needs is to get away. He runs like he is chased by a Dalek or a Sontaran or a man in a uniform. Luckily, what is chasing him is very, very slow – slowness itself, in fact, but that’s only reason to go faster.

Rose will only ever love him for everything he isn’t, if at all. There is nothing else for him in this universe. He runs past houses, past people who have no problem living slowly, past trashcans and street lamps. Past cars adhering to speed limits.

He runs out of breath fast, much faster than he is used to, but that only spurs him on to run through the pain. He only slows down once he is far from the mansion. Suddenly he can see it – what he’s been looking for, for centuries, only seeing it through the eyes of his companions. The whole universe blaring at him. The crispness of fresh morning air burns through his lungs with every gasping breath he takes. A butterfly flutters by in a flash of blue. A woman walking her Golden Retriever. Dew glitters in the grass. And on the horizon shines the sunset, dunking the whole sky in orange and pink and yellow. He hasn’t watched a sunset in such a long time. After all, who needs to watch a sunset when you can visit a thousand suns? But it’s beautiful. He can see it all, how beautiful and precious this world is. This is why they are all here - to bear witness to it. This is why he is here.

It’s his world, now. All the world he gets.

Still catching his breath, he sinks against the nearest building and just watches. He must be watching for a long time, because when he takes his eyes off the sunset again, it’s to see Rose step out of a taxi.

For a moment, it looks like she’ll yell at him, which is fair enough, but when she sees him, her shoulders drop.

“Are you okay?” she asks instead of yelling. “I’m fine.” She gives him a look like she doesn’t believe a word. “Well, I wasn’t a minute ago,” the Doctor amends. “I might have… panicked again. A little bit.” “You haven’t changed your mind, have you?” She sounds a little scared.

“About you?” He looks at her fondly. “Never.”

“Yeah, but staying in one place, you know, domestic. Is that what you want?” “That’s not what I was running from.” He takes a deep, bracing breath. He should be honest with her. “Me and you, living the slow life. I think I was running from… the prospect of not getting it.”

The thought that he would never have it, not with her by his side, is torturous.

“But we’re in this together now, isn’t that what we said? Why are you scared? You can have that.”

The corners of his mouth turn down with the pain of it. “Not really. Not in the way I want.”

Rose, in front of him, is in the same universe, but worlds away.

“Why not?” she asks gently.

“Because – because I’m not him. I’ll always be… your second choice. And no matter how happy I am, I’ll always remember that.” She looks at him with immeasurable sadness in her eyes, which is not what he wanted at all. He wants her to look at him the way she used to. He wants to see that spark in her eyes again. He should have pushed her away, when she had kissed him on the beach, so she could have run after the TARDIS. He shouldn’t have been so bloody weak.

“I’m sorry -” Sometimes he can’t stand her empathy, her stubborn kindness. “It’s not your fault,” he quickly interrupts. “It’s… fine. I just need some time.”

Some time to accept he’s not who he used to be. And that he can’t ask her to treat him the same. She looks at him and sees double – and he understands. He really does.

“No,” she says firmly, “I’m sorry I ever made you think… I made you feel this way. And you’re right, I can’t forget him. He’s… well, he’s you. It would be incredibly hard to love one without loving the other.”

It’s not that he minds that. It’s that, if the other Doctor came back, she would choose him. That’s the persistent and unbearable fact in the back of his mind.

“But you can’t,” he chokes out, even though he doesn’t mean to.

She tilts her head.

“Love me,” he adds.

“Why would you say that?” She seems heartbroken over him. This might be the worst part. His whole existence is breaking her heart.

“It’s what you said, you said…” He’s becoming a little uncertain now. “I heard you.” In fact, those words won’t stop ringing in his ear. “You said you could never love anyone but the Doctor.” Rose steps toward him carefully and reaches for his hand. Stop touching me, I can’t take it, stop being so bloody kind -

“And you are the Doctor, stupid,” she says.

“Oh,” he says softly, then, “Ohhh.”

That puts a different spin on things. Not just things, everything really. And everything is spinning, a little, except for her face. He doesn’t care. He is the Doctor and she loves the Doctor. It’s mad. It’s completely non-sensical.

“Only you,” she chastises. Then her voice becomes heavy with emotion. “I couldn’t accept it at first, because I was being stupid. But… you stayed for me. Of course I love you.”

The world is spinning. He needs something to hold on to. He grabs her hand and it’s the one thing steady in this whole universe. Entirely against his will, a tear rolls down his cheek and then another one.

“What -” He stops and gathers his breath. “What’s that? Why am I crying?”

“It’s a human thing,” she whispers very close to his face, “it means that you’re happy.” She puts one hand on his cheek and one over his ear and then she presses her lips to his. She kisses him just like she did on the beach, but this time it’s not a spur of the moment decision with disastrous consequences. This time it’s full of promise. He wonders if she can taste his tears in her mouth.

It means that you’re happy.

Astonished, the Doctor looks inside himself, into a place he’d thought empty, and finds that she’s right. He really is.

[blueboxesandtrafficcones]

The Nuptial Necessity - Chapter 10

A 12xRose Human AU

Despite an unglamorous job description, Rose loves the work she does with The Thistle Foundation, a charity founded by her best friend’s great-uncle.  It doesn’t hurt that her boss, her friend’s father, is easy on the eyes.  With a great job, wonderful friends and a loving family, life couldn’t be better – except for having someone to share it with.

All of that is threatened, though, when the great-uncle dies – and sets a strange condition for his nephew to inherit, jeopardizing the Foundation and Rose’s future, sparking a chain of events that might just get her everything she dreamed of and more.

Chapters will be posted on Saturdays and Tuesdays.  Many thanks to my beta, @stupidsatsuma

Rated: Explicit, for eventual smut

@doctorroseprompts

AO3  |  Masterlist

—

Monday

With a grunt of frustration Malcolm shut off the radio, plunging the kitchen into silence.  Pete was due any minute, and it was only now occurring to him that he should have mentioned the dinner to Rose, and found out what he was and wasn’t permitted to say; while Clara obviously knew the truth, Rose had given no indication of if she wanted her family to know.

This can’t end well.

Draining his wine glass in one go he refilled it, before bracing himself against the countertop and bowing his head.  Everything had gone spectacularly pear-shaped after the reading of Wallace’s will, and all he wanted was for his life to return to normal.  Things were uncomfortable now, with Rose, and he didn’t know how they would find their way back- or if such a thing was even possible.

The doorbell rang just as the grandfather clock in the hall chimed off the start of the hour, and he had to give a reluctant grin at the man’s punctuality.  Drying his hands he headed for the door, putting on a brave face before swinging it open.

“Pete!  Good to see you, come on in,” he invited.

Showtime.

-

Keeping one eye on the clock over the mantle Rose aggressively fluffed her throw pillows, straightening up her living area just to keep moving.  In typical Clara fashion her friend was now officially thirty minutes late, and Rose’s poor nerves were suffering under the strain.

She’d thought, perhaps rather naïvely, that by making the choice of whether or not to move forward things would somewhat settle down, that her worries would evaporate with a plan in place.  If anything they’d gotten worse, as she faced spending the next five years of her life married to a man who didn’t love her.  Oh, Malcolm cared, certainly, but he didn’t love her- not the way she loved him.

She was, she’d been disgruntled to realize, in love with him.

“Oh, fuck you,” she scowled at the innocent pen that had rolled from her organizer onto the floor.  “Seriously?”

The expected knock finally came, and slamming the pen back onto the open organizer in the crease to keep it from escaping again, she stalked towards the door.

“Took you long enough,” she snapped, swinging it open to find Clara looking equally annoyed.

“Oh fuck off,” her friend shot back, pushing past her to the kitchen, a large takeaway bag in hand.  “It’s raining cats and dogs out there. Traffic’s a nightmare.”

Throwing the deadbolt Rose followed her, slightly chastened.  “Sorry. Any trouble?”

Clara rolled her eyes, dumping her things on the countertop.  “Not really. Just slow.  Now, d’you want to eat and plan, or take a few minutes?”

“Let’s just get this over with.”

Rose watched her pull two large salads out of the bag, raising an eyebrow when nothing else appeared.  “I thought you were bringing the food?”

“I did.”  Clara opened the drawer to fetch two forks.  “Water?”

“Where’s the rest of it?”  Rose filled the two waiting glasses from her filtered pitcher, narrowing her eyes.  “Don’t tell me you consider that dinner.”

Kicking off her shoes, Clara settled onto her usual spot on the couch, salad balanced on one knee, tablet on the other.  “You’re getting married in two weeks.  There’s only so much you can do, but you might as well try to get down at least to the next size, though I suppose it depends on what style you want.”

“Style?”  Rose joined her, peeling off the lid of the salad and frowning even more.  “What’s this, then?”

“A salad, duh.”

She poked at it half-heartedly.  “It’s just greens.”

“There’s carrots!  Cucumber.”

“No dressing?”

“Balsamic vinaigrette.”

Rose crinkled her nose.  “Am I being punished?”

Stretching out her leg Clara nudged her thigh with her toe.  “No, but you want to look as good as possible on your wedding day, don’t you?  Though picking your dress style may help with that.  I made us some appointments for tomorrow at lunch so you can start trying things on, though I fear your options’ll be limited.”

“I’ve already got a dress,” she stabbed a forkful of lettuce.  “Looks good as I am, if I say so myself.”

“What?”

Rose looked up to find Clara staring at her, fork halfway to her mouth, forgotten.

“What?”

“What d’you mean, you’ve already got a dress?” her friend repeated, lowering the fork.  “When?”

She swallowed, took a sip of her water, and said, “We left the office early today, so I went to Harrod’s to just poke around.  Third dress I tried looked good, was reasonably priced, so I got it.”

“You… you bought your wedding dress?  Alone?  From Harrod’s?”

“Yes.”

Clara’s face fell, eyes welling, and Rose sighed.

“I didn’t mean to leave you out, I just went to look, but… I dunno, it just seemed right.”  She hesitated.  “D’you… want to see it?”

Slowly, her friend nodded.  “And you in it, please.  As Maid of Honor- thanks for the flowers by the way, they were gorgeous- it’s my right to have final say over your wedding dress.”

“Sure,” Rose agreed easily, though she had no intention of changing the dress.  “I’ll be right back.”

On her way past to her bedroom she paused, bending down to kiss the top of her friend’s head.

How much drama can this wedding cause?

-

Beer clutched tightly in one hand, Malcolm gave the steaks more attention than they needed as they sizzled on the stovetop in a frying pan.  His intention had been to do them on the grill, but the downpour had effectively nixed that idea, leaving the two men in his kitchen in silence.

He’d known Pete Tyler for going on fifteen years now, been in his company a thousand times, and yet none had been so awkward and painful, not even their first conversation (not Malcolm’s strong suit).  Since Pete had asked for this dinner Malcolm was content to let him start the conversation, though so far, that hadn’t happened past general small talk.

It wasn’t until they sat down to eat that Pete finally sighed and said, “Could you please not be so weird?  I’m not here to threaten you or anything.”

“I know that,” Malcolm said defensively, though he wasn’t quite convinced.  “I mean- Why are you here?”

“Why are you marrying my daughter?”  He took a large bite of steak, and groaned.  “Bloody hell that’s excellent.”

“Thanks.”

Pete finished chewing, then raised an eyebrow.  “Well?”

“Because… I asked and she said yes,” he said carefully, poking at the mashed potatoes regretfully; his appetite had vanished at the question.  “That’s generally how it works, to my understanding.”

“That’s not exactly convincing,” Pete pointed out.  “Or reassuring.”

“Reassuring?”

The other man sighed, crossing his arms on the table and leaning forward.  “That this wedding is happening for the right reasons.”

Shit.  How can he know?  “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Honestly?  Do you want to know what I think?”

Malcolm didn’t, but he nodded anyway.  “Of course.”

“I know you’re in love with my daughter.”

It took effort not to react to that.  Pete was more perceptive than Malcolm gave him credit for, but given that he was engaged to Rose and she hadn’t shared the full story with her parents it shouldn’t be a surprise, and he should absolutely not be feeling defensive in anyway.  “Yes,” was all he said, when it became clear the other man was waiting for a response, and he was horrified at the melancholy, wistful tone in his voice.

“I’ve been watching you.  Both of you.  For a long time now.  I see how you look at each other.  To be perfectly frank I think I’ve seen this writing on the wall since I realized Rose had stopped looking for a real job.  And yet, nothing has changed.  You seem no different from six months ago, or two or five years ago, which can only mean one of two things – you’ve been involved with my daughter for a very long time without telling me, or nothing has changed.  My suspicion is the second, but neither explains why you’re getting married now, all of sudden, especially if she’s not pregnant.  So help me understand.”

Sitting at his own kitchen table, untouched steak cooling on the plate in front of him, Malcolm had never felt more idiotic or… or transparent.  Has he really known all this time how I felt?  For a fleeting moment he was certain his hours were numbered, that the man would want him dead for his feelings towards Rose, but then he realized that if Pete had known for years, and never done or said anything to discourage the ‘relationship’ or separate them… he couldn’t possibly approve, could he?

“I see how happy you make my daughter,” Pete continued, unaware of the war ripping Malcolm apart inside, “and how happy she makes you.  I’ve known you for fifteen years, seen you with countless women, and I’ve never seen you as happy as you are with her.  And yet if you’re hiding a romantic relationship you both deserve fucking Oscars, because it’s impossible to tell.  You’ve got the yearning looks down pat.”

Malcolm took a long pull off his beer, mind racing.  It seemed they’d been caught out, and he didn’t know which would be worse – lying to Pete, or betraying Rose’s secret.  And then he registered something Pete has said – or at least implied.

“Are you saying…”  He swallowed, heart thumping painfully in his chest with something akin to hope.  “Are you saying she… Rose feels…”

And Pete started to laugh.

-

Smoothing the dress over her thighs Rose examined her reflection, just as happy with her choice as she had been earlier that day in the Harrod’s dress department.  While it wasn’t a traditional bridal gown, it was still elegant and beautiful and right.

She’d chosen a brocade sheath-style cocktail dress, in a beautiful shade of champagne with golden embroidery.  It hugged every curve, though not quite skin-tight, and the square neckline helped keep it on the right side of decent.  Wedge sandals in the same shade as the dress had convinced her it was fate, and she felt classy, elegant, and mature.  Normally she would have preferred a stiletto, which might have gone with the outfit a bit better,  but with the ceremony being outside in the garden, she didn’t want to have to worry about sinking into the grass.

The last thing she wanted was to make a fool of herself.

The other few dresses she had tried on had been nice enough, perhaps more her usual style, but she had suspected that standing next to Malcolm and his salt-and-pepper hair in them would make her look more like a child bride or a trophy wife than she was comfortable with.

“Right, I’m coming out,” she called, stepping carefully through her apartment back to where Clara was waiting impatiently on the couch.

“What do you think?” she asked uncertainly when her friend said nothing, merely stared at her with an open mouth, salad forgotten on the coffee table.

Slowly Clara stood, coming around the couch with her hand over her mouth, eyes wide.  “You look beautiful,” she whispered, and Rose nearly sagged in relief.

“You really think so?”

A beaming smile spread across Clara’s face as she began to nod.  “Absolutely stunning!  Like a beautiful bride.  Albeit a divorcee going to the courthouse, but still, lovely.  Really.  It’s perfect.”

Rose grinned happily, throwing her arms around her friend.  “I’m so glad you think so.  I hadn’t been meaning to buy, I just wanted to start getting ideas, but… it just called to me.”

“Well, I’m glad you picked up the phone,” Clara joked, pulling back and wiping at her eyes.  “Wow.  Okay, you’re forgiven.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, your mum may not be so easy to convince.”

The blood drained from Rose’s face as her stomach plummeted.  “Oh, shit.”

-

“What’s so funny?” Malcolm asked defensively, when the other man continued to laugh.  “Stop it!”

“Well, for one, I think you proved there’s more to this wedding than your relationship,” Pete sighed, still smiling as he calmed down.  “And second, you’re so far bloody gone, mate.”

Malcolm huffed, unable to dispute either charge but not wanting to give the other man the satisfaction of admitting he was right.  “It’s not funny.”

“It is, actually.”  The man let out another chuckle.  “And now I’m extremely curious as to not only your reasons for proposing to my daughter, but why she said yes if you don’t even know how the other feels.  Also, Jacks owes me twenty quid, she didn’t think you felt that way.”

With that Malcolm gave up, groaning and letting his head thunk forward onto the table.

“You have no idea how fucked up this all is.”

And, against his better judgement, Malcolm told him.

[writinginstardust]

Do Anything | Part 2

Pairing: Tyler Jones x reader

Warnings: Implied/referenced torture, swearing

A/N: I said this was just going to be 2 parts, I know. But it’s 4 parts now! I don’t know what happened either but it gives my the chance to write more angst. And I’m very sorry but things do not get happy until the final part so sorry. However it is very close to finished so I won’t leave you hanging for too long.

Word Count: 3037

*

“Get up.” I didn’t. I could, just barely, but it wouldn’t make a difference if I followed their orders or not. That was just one of the things I’d learned in the past month. At least, I thought it was a month. It could have been longer, it could have been less. Keeping track of time was tough and not exactly a priority most of the time.

“Did you hear me? Move.” A disruptor rifle jabbed into my ribs and I had to bite back a scream when pain flared through my side. Most of my ribs had been broken for at least a week and a half. That was the last time they’d tried to get me to talk. They’d mostly left me alone since then, only letting me out of this room occasionally to shower which was surprisingly nice of them. I’d thought it was some new tactic the first time but so far it hadn’t been.

The pain eased slightly and I turned my head to look at the TDF agent who was standing over me. She looked bored. I hated her more for it. It’s one thing to be an asshole and deliberately hurt someone, but being bored by my pain and misery? Fuck. Her.

“Come on. Don’t you want to see your boyfriend?” The sudden panic I felt must have shown on my face. She smiled. A sadistic smile that made my heart clench, but still a smile. I wasn’t sure I didn’t prefer the boredom. “Get up.”

I did this time.

“Where is he? What have you done to him?” I couldn’t help but ask, my voice scratchy and hoarse from disuse and screaming. That landed me with a blow to the stomach and I had to fight the urge to throw up as I doubled over in pain. It took several long moments before I could stand upright again. I glared at her but she didn’t seem bothered in the slightest and simply walked towards the door, beckoning for me to follow.

“I thought you’d have learned by now not to ask questions.” And I had. But just the mention of Tyler had rendered everything else unimportant, even my own pain. Every step forward was still agonising but I pushed it aside. Tyler was here, or he was close at least. Was that good or bad? Was he okay? Had the TDF caught the whole squad? Was he going to suffer now even after I’d tried to spare him from it? Or were they just going to kill us all now? Too many questions. Too many horrible possibilities I didn’t want to contemplate but couldn’t stop dwelling on. There didn’t seem to be any scenario in which seeing Tyler again right now was good.

I didn’t pay attention to where we were going, all of my focus was on putting one foot in front of the other and staying upright. The woman in front of me stopped abruptly and I almost crashed straight into her. Looking up, I saw that we were in front of one of the grav-lifts. That was odd. Everywhere they’d taken me since I got here was on this deck.

The doors opened and she shoved me inside where another agent was waiting. My heart hammered in my chest and I started shaking on instinct. This was one of the guys who had given me most of my injuries. The one who’d got a bit too enthusiastic and almost killed me. I was actually thankful when little miss bored followed me inside. She was awful too but I felt safer with her there. Maker, what had my life become?

It only took about 10 seconds for us to reach the right deck but it felt like years with that agent so close by. As the girl who’d come to get me stepped out, I saw where we were. The place my nightmare had begun. The docking bay.

-

“I love you,” I said, looking up at Tyler, so nearly safe on the Longbow. I knew he couldn’t hear or say it back but I needed to say it anyway. I blindly felt for the pistol on the control panel in front of me and raised it with a shaking hand. He was still close enough for me to see him clock the action and his yell was all that remained when Cat blasted the ship away in the next second.

I heard a commotion behind me as I turned the pistol on myself, surprised none of them had done it themselves yet. A crack and splitting pain through my skull and the world went black.

I woke up with several sets of hands on me, dragging me up none too gently. Someone had hit me. My shot missed. I was still alive. I wanted to scream but it was all I could do to stay conscious.

“Put her in a cell and someone get our weapons online and restart the engines!” There was yelling all around and it felt like receiving blows to the head again and again and again as I was dragged away. I knew whatever came next wasn’t going to be good but I couldn’t help feeling some grim satisfaction. Zila and I had done our jobs well. They weren’t going to be able to shoot or give chase anytime soon. The squad would be safe. Tyler would be safe. That was all that mattered.

The further we walked, the quieter it got. My pounding head was glad of it but my stomach dropped as the high of successfully saving my friends wore off. All that was left in its wake was fear and dread. I had no way out this time. I’d missed my chance. They weren’t going to let me die, not for a while at least, or they’d have killed me then and there on the docking bay. No, this, this was going to be much worse.

-

I tried to pull myself from my reverie there but couldn’t. The memories wouldn’t stop coming. They weren’t clear, just quick flashes steeped in pain and fear that resurfaced now. I could feel every moment of pain, every injury inflicted - the ones that had healed and the ones I was left to suffer through now. No medical attention for prisoners of war. Who knew just how badly I was really messed up now, how many bones were trying to heal in the wrong place. If I ever did get out of this place, I knew the nightmare wouldn’t end there. Even if I could keep the memories at bay, my body would be a constant reminder of it all. In that first week, I’d dreamed and allowed myself to hope I might survive and get out one day but as the days wore on, those dreams had shattered and my hopes diminished. Now I only dreamed of oblivion. Once, that had been a curse, now, it only felt like a blessing.

The agents brought me over to a small ship. A ground to orbit shuttle. I was getting off this ship. What the fuck was going on?

“Where are we going?” I asked as I sat down and buckled up, only remembering a second too late what happened when I asked questions. I braced myself for a blow but none came. Opening my eyes I saw little miss bored smirking at me. Enjoying my fear. Maker, I fucking hated her so much.

“We’re going to see your boyfriend.” She’d enjoyed tormenting me with mentions of Tyler since this all started and I’d stopped trying to correct her on our relationship. There wasn’t any point. They’d all heard me say I loved him and that was enough to deem him a worthy subject in the psychological torment. It was one of her favourite plays and the one I hated most. I could handle the physical pain but thinking about him hurt more than anything else.

“He’s got something we want,” she continued. “And we’ve got something he wants back.” Oh. Oh no.

I knew even without the very deliberate look she gave me what she meant. He wanted me. And there was only one thing the TDF and GIA wanted enough to set me free. Auri. Tyler was going to give them the very thing they wanted, the only thing that could stop the Ra’haam, just to get me back. If I wasn’t so horrified at the implications of it, I would have been touched at how much he was willing to risk for me. Even despite that, my heart clenched painfully. If Tyler was willing to do something this reckless, he must have been hurt bad. I hated it but I was going to have to hurt him more. I couldn’t let him do this. My life wasn’t worth the entire galaxy. He’d understand eventually.

The shuttle engines started up. I didn’t have long to think of a plan. Trying to do so proved incredibly difficult. My head had been in a constantly fuzzy state for weeks now and I hadn’t been making any real effort to make it work properly. Even if I could, the less aware I could be, the better. I did manage one clear thought though. If I was going to stop this, I’d have to die. Reasoning with either side would never work. But how to do it?

Every agent around me had a disruptor pistol but buckled in and surrounded as I was, I’d never be able to steal one, let alone use it. They needed me alive now so I couldn’t even hope one of them might shoot me themselves. Causing the ship to crash somehow was out of the question for the same reason. I had nothing to hand that could do any real damage and the second I even reached for the buckle, one of them would just knock me out. I’d have to do something after we landed. Then at least I’d have less restriction and far more options. I couldn’t plan now, I didn’t know the variables, but there was sure to be something I could do. It was just a shame I couldn’t take little miss bored and the over-enthusiastic asshole with me. Maybe Tyler could do something about that. And maybe having to wait was for the best. Maybe then I’d at least get to see Tyler one last time.

The journey only took a couple of minutes and the sudden force of real gravity pressing down on me again when we landed was something else. I never thought I’d miss it. Sure it made my body feel heavier than it had in a while - I guessed the force was stronger on this particular planet, but it made me feel alive for the first time in a month. This was something real, something as yet unruined by the nightmare my life had become.

Stepping out of the shuttle, my heart sank. We were at what would usually be a fairly busy spaceport from the looks of it. Not today though. The TDF had completely cleared it out and secured the area for at least a mile on all sides. It was absolutely packed with troops, all of them armed to the teeth and on high alert. I had a moment of pride and satisfaction at just how much they felt was necessary to go up against 7 teenagers. But then I looked harder and worry started to creep back in.

There were multiple ships running though stationary and more patrolling the skies. From the particular whirr coming from them, I could tell their weapons systems were primed. Ground defences capable of taking out an entire battle cruiser sat along the perimeter and there was no way those would normally be at a spaceport like this. And to top it all off, the GIA themselves were here, a lot of them. Obviously the GIA were in control of all this and everything that happened to me in the last month, but none had shown their faces since Octavia, the TDF doing their dirty work for them instead. But they were here now and that could not be good. I was starting to wonder just what exactly their deal with Tyler entailed and whether any of us were going to get out of this alive. It seemed less and less likely by the second. Would the Longbow even make it to the ground, or would they just shoot them out of the sky and finish me off right after?

An agent holding a uniglass broke from what looked like the command crowd and walked towards me. As she drew closer, I saw a hologram beaming from it and recognised Tyler immediately. I nearly wept at the sight and it wasn’t even really him, just a light rendering that could never hope to do justice to the real thing.

“See for yourself,” the girl said and turned the uniglass to face me. I did cry then. The moment Tyler’s eyes registered me and the leader mask dropped, the tears started pouring out.

“(Y/N),” he breathed out as if he really couldn’t believe it was me. I knew how he felt.

“Like we said, she is alive and present. We’ve held up our end of the deal, now show us the girl.” I could tell Tyler wasn’t listening to a word she’d just said but her words snapped me back to the grim reality.

“Tyler, don’t do this,” I begged frantically. It might be my only chance to save him now. “It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it. Please don’t do this. Just turn around and leave while you still ca-” Something hard cracked into my ribs and cut my words off with a pained gasp. I fell to me knees in agony, struggling to breathe through the stabbing in my chest. Tyler’s yells registered dimly through the haze but they were getting fainter as the agent walked away again.

It was just as I finally got my breath back that I heard the loud hum of a ship coming in to land. I knew it was the Longbow but couldn’t bring myself to look up just yet. Maybe if I didn’t, it wouldn’t be real. At least they’d been allowed to land safely. But that raised more worries than it eased.

Who knew how much the TDF was in on here and how much the GIA wasn’t telling them. Maybe they didn’t know much and were being true to their word. Maybe they didn’t see any reason to kill us all but the GIA certainly did. So why weren’t they? Was it something to do with Auri? Were they going to try and use her for something? Not a single possibility seemed remotely good.

A hiss finally drew my attention up. The Longbow’s airlock opened and the ramp extended. I barely heard it all over the pounding of my heart. Tyler was there. So close and yet so far away.

Five of them filed out. Tyler leading followed closely by his sister, Zila, Auri, and Kal bringing up the rear. They were all grim-faced, determined set to their jaws, murderous glints in their eyes.

They fanned out a few feet in front of the ship and Scarlett stepped forward. The lead TDF agent stepped forward too and the loudest silence I’d ever heard swept across the area. Not a single cough or rustle of fabric broke it. It was the eye of a storm, one that was sure to leave nothing but devastation in its wake when it finally hit.

Scarlett started talking but I didn’t pay attention. I couldn’t look away from Tyler, pleading desperately with my eyes for him to stop this now before it was too late. His eyes were locked on me too but he made no move to stop anything that was happening, ignoring my pleas and looking as though he was holding himself back from killing every agent that stood between us.

The silence returned and I ripped my eyes away to see Kal stepping forward with Auri beside him. That struck me as odd. I was surprised enough that Kal had even allowed them to consider this exchange but that he was willingly walking Auri towards her doom? That made no sense. I’d seen enough of them that I knew Kal would never allow anything to hurt her, so why was he doing this? Maybe she’d talked him round. She’d be the only one that could after all and Kal could shove down his feelings when the situation called for it. I didn’t think this was one of those situations though.

They took another step and an agent I hadn’t had the pleasure of being acquainted with before grabbed my arm and started forcing me forward. I couldn’t let this happen. I had to do something now. It was my last chance.

With what little strength I could muster, I lunged for the pistol holstered at the agent’s hip and by some miracle, managed to get it in my hand. But that was where my luck ran out. I’d used just about everything to do that and it was all too easy for them to knock it from my grasp and swing an almost debilitating punch into my stomach. I heard Tyler yelling, rage and fear in his voice, but didn’t register the words. I was too busy trying not to throw up and keep walking as the agent proceeded to shove me forward.

The walk felt like an eternity as dread and defeat settled heavily in my gut. There was nothing I could do. I’d done everything to try and keep my squad safe and out of the TDF's clutches, to do what little I could to make sure the galaxy survived, but it wasn’t enough. I’d failed.

We stopped a foot in front of Kal and Auri and I couldn’t help crying as I looked at her. She shouldn’t have to do this.

“Please, don’t…” I tried but Auri just smiled slightly, comfortingly. She didn’t look scared. I thought she probably should. She took my hand and squeezed gently.

“It’s okay. Trust us.”

*

Tag Lists: (send an ask if you want to be added!)

Everything: @wonderfilledness @writingbychelle @ad-astraaaa @moderngenius94

Aurora Cycle: @aurising

[salmarissa]

a story of fear and love

"Rebekah it's Matt. "

"Hey, Matt, what's going on? Why are you calling?"

"I need your help. . . It's urgent. "

"What's the matter, Matt?"

"It's Caroline. . . "

"So what?"

"Please. I know you don't like her very much but she's acting weird. We tried everything. We thought maybe it might help if her favorite rival shows up. Maybe she'll defrost. "

"Hmph. "

"Please help me. It's desperate. There's another vampire. His name is Enzo. I'm afraid he's involved. "

"All right, Matt, but only because it's you. "

Angrily Rebekah hung up. She didn't want to come back. But what did you don´t do for good friends. After their little trip and Rebekah´s departure to New Orleans the two decided to stay friends. Slowly she went to the kitchen where Klaus, Elijah and Hayley were sitting with Hope.

"I'm going to Mystic Falls," Rebekah said. "Why?" Klaus immediately asked. "Matt needs my help with something," she replied.

"Ah your little waiter yes?", Klaus raised her immediately. "Shut up," replied the blonde.

"You're not going alone," Nik made clear, "you need someone to watch your back. You know the people in mystic falls. "

Rebekah rolled her eyes. "How about Marcel?" she suggested. Klaus narrowed his eyes. After a short silence he said: "Good, he could protect you and at the same time I have him out of town. Not a bad idea, sister. But don't warm your feelings for him again. "

The blonde rolled her eyes and picked up the phone. If her brother knew.

A few days later

Caroline strode through her room. The others had insisted on spending time with her. They wanted a drink at the grill and she was supposed to make herself pretty. Caroline sighed. Why make her pretty? She didn't feel like it. She grabbed a pair of jeans and a simple red T-shirt and put a black sweat jacket over it. As she walked past the mirror, she shrugged her shoulders. Should do it.

Enzo picked them up and together they drove to the grill. Caroline was deeply absorbed in thought and did not speak a word. Enzo looked anxiously at her. When they entered, he held the door open for her.

Her eyes scanned the room. There sat her "friends" and with them Rebekah and a strange vampire. Indifferently she went to the table and settled down. "Oho, Miss Perfect can be seen once in a while," Rebekah taunted. But Caroline ignored her and grabbed the bourbon bottle and a clean glass.

Above her head, the others stared at each other with concern. Finally Enzo joined the troupe and sat down next to Caroline: "Give me some pretty", he flirted in his British accent, "I'll pour the lady". Caroline rolled her eyes, poured herself something and passed the bottle on to Enzo. "Then pour yourself a drink," Caroline replied.

The strange vampire laughed. Caroline took a closer look at him. Dark skin, tall and slender. He reached out his hand to her. "I'm Marcel," he said. "Caroline", she replied, reaching for his hand. Rebekah stabbed her with glances but Caroline ignored it. She didn't want to be here.

"Hey, Care," Elena said empathetically. Caroline wanted to puke. "Would you like to sing for us? You love to sing," Elena continued. "No thanks no need," the blond baby vampire pressed out. "But," began the doppelganger, "for us?" "And, um, we wanted to dress up . . ", Elena started carefully and stared at Caroline. Care looked down and said: "Not fancy enough? This isn't a gala. It´s the grill, is it?" Elena's mouth remained open, the others looked horrified and Rebekah grinned slightly. Caroline turned away and watched the people.

"What have you done to her?" cried Elena Enzo. "Nothing," he replied with a grin. "Yes, nothing, of course," Elena continued, "whatever you did, we'll find out. " "Elena, you're making a scene," Caroline said dryly and then flinched. A memory held her captive but she pushed it aside. Not here.

"Bekah please," Matt sighed , "can't you force her to tell the truth?" "Pardon?" said Care piqued.

"She is full of vervain," Stefan replied. "Then we bleed her out," Damon suggested and got a frownful look from that blonde.

"Hey, guys, come down," Marcel said calmly, "there are gentler methods if Caroline agrees. " Friendly he looked at the baby vampire who cast a sinister glance around. "The day after tomorrow at the latest, the vervain would be out of her system and we can ask her if she agrees. " "Why should I," growled Caroline, "Well," Marcel said, "your friends are worried and won't believe otherwise that you weren't somehow manipulated by him," he pointed to Enzo.

Caroline snorted. Betrayed by those who thought they were her friends. Just because she didn't once wear a permanent grin on her face? She was pissed off. If they all go to hell. But on the other hand, maybe then she would finally have her peace?

"Okay," Caroline said. See you the day after tomorrow and just this one question and that's it". She looked sinisterly into the circle and rose. "And how are we supposed to ensure that she really doesn't take one and really lets herself be forced", Rebekah asked, "I want to keep my stay here as short as possible".

"Very simply"; Marcel winked at her, "we take her with us if she allows". Rebekah and Caroline looked like they were about to explode. But the others stared suspiciously and Marcel grinned over both ears.

"Well, there are several rooms to choose from," Rebekah said after arriving at the old Mikaelson Villa and disappeared behind the left door next to the stairs. Marcel followed her.

Enzo was not deterred from coming and supporting Caroline should it be necessary. They were looking for rooms next to each other. Caroline put her bag down and dropped sighing on the bed. What a disaster.

Quietly Enzo entered the room of his blond friend who sat cramped on the strange bed. Slowly she raised her eyes and shook her head. "No, Enzo," she must have said. He approached. "No," she said louder, "not here. " But he came closer and took her in his arms. That was too much. Caroline´s walls broke down and made a tortured sound.

The door was opened loudly and Marcel stood ready to fight in the door frame. "Oh," he did, "I thought something had happened here. I apologize for my intrusion. " He quickly disappeared again. He only had heard her no and the tortured sound and had come to defend her. He didn't know these people enough to assess them and had counted on the worst since the Mystic Falls clique accused this enzo. What he had not expected was this Enzo, who kept a crying Caroline amicably so that she did not break apart.

He frowned and went down to the kitchen to Rebekah who was looking for the whiskey.

"Come, let's get some fresh air," Enzo muttered to her hair. They went down the stairs and into the garden. Panting, Caroline closed her eyes.

The horse. And Him.

"You are strong. You're beautiful. You're full of light. I'm enjoying you. "

She shook her head and the tears came out again. If she opened her eyes and turned around there would not be Klaus but her friend Enzo. Enzo who reminded her so much of Klaus and yet was so different.

She turned and looked at him. "You look at me like that again," he whispered. "How?" Care asked. "So full of pain. Like I'm someone who took everything from you. " She quickly looked down.

Marcel looked carefully at Rebekah. She also pricked up her ears. It wasn't right to listen, but maybe it would bring them closer to the problem. Something was very wrong here.

"Won't you tell me what's going on?" Enzo asked gently. "It's too much," Caroline replied, " and you can always be overheard here" "Then we start with light things", the Augustine joked.

Caroline sighed and looked at the sky. "It's this town. And the people who live in it. Look, yeah I'm not miss sunshine right now but that´s way it is. The others exaggerate. They didn't call for over a week until they realized I was missing. It's not important. I was never important. You were right. It's all about Elena. The main thing is Elena's happy. Now I don't play it the way I should and everyone goes crazy and forces me to do things I don't want. Caroline is different, of course it's Enzo's fault. He's somehow manipulated or bewitched her or whatever."

Enzo giggled.

"I've said it before. I'm just everyone's backup. I'm Matts, Damons and Stefan's Elena Backup. I'm Elena's Bonnie Backup. Just tell me one thing. How is it that others don't care about us? Why is it always about Elena? Why is she always the first choice? Why it doesn't matter what happens to the rest of us? Of course she's been through a lot of horrible things, I don't want to sugarcoat that. But it's not just Elena in the world. Let's face it. They don't worry about me. "They're just sensationalistic about what's wrong with Miss Perfect and I'm tired of it. "

"You're right," Rebekah said and stepped into the garden. Caroline looked at her with skepticism. "I never liked Elena before. And I don´t understand you. Elena tore herself a nail and everyone hovered around her like she was in danger of her life. "

"Well," Care said, "Better late insight than none at all. "

"You're right about that. Maybe, but only maybe I could like you Caroline Forbes," Rebekah replied and grinned.

Caroline grinned back. Maybe, but only maybe this would be a new beginning.

"And then Marcel snuck out to see me," Rebekah raved. Caroline smiled. They had gone shopping the closest and she had experienced and told a lot. The earlier adventures. How she became a vampire. They also talked briefly about Bonnie's death. Rebekah tried to distract her and babbled a lot. How Marcel became Klaus son and Rebekah and he fell in love. She tried to suppress her own pain and rejoice for her new friend.

"Yes," said Marcel, "but Klaus is and remains totally paranoid even now with the B. . . " Rebekah struck her hand on his mouth and stared at Caroline in horror.

"What?" she asked, "do you mean the baby? "Don't stare at me so horrified at Bekah, you don't mean Tyler showed up in New Orleans and didn't tell it all hot as a broth. " Rebekah growled and looked carefully at the younger one. She turned away and looked at a dress in the shop window.

"Bekah, may I ask you for something?" Care hesitantly asked some time later. "Yes, of course. " said the ancient vampire, astonished. "Can you just ask me this one question, please? The others will want to squeeze me, but it's none of their business," Caroline replied quietly. "Of course," Rebekah said with sparkling eyes.

"Thank you. "

In the evening the four different companions went to the Salvatore Villa. The vervain was fortunately fast from Caroline's bloodstream. Now it was time. All were gathered which gave the four an eye roll. Sensational gang.

Caroline stabbed her finger and gave a few drops of blood to Stefan. He was supposed to confirm that the vervain was from her organism. Confirming, he nodded. Enzo shook his head and muttered something of "surveillance state". Marcel giggled.

Rebekah looked deep into her new friend's eyes and said: "You will tell the truth. Did Enzo force you into something, make you enchant or manipulate you in any way?" "No," Care replied. Everyone looked at her eagerly. Rebekah said, "Good. " And gave her a vial of vervain.

"Hey, what's with the blondie?" Damon shouted. "We could have asked her even more questions. " "And who do you think you are to know all about me, Damon?" Caroline hit him immediately.

"Pff," Damon said, "I don't care about you. You're nothing. "

Caroline flinched and turned away. The other three followed her.

"Hey Enzo, was I right? She likes bad guys with accents, doesn't she? As often as you hang out together," Damon shouted afterwards.

Caroline turned around, flashed to Damon and slapped him. "You shouldn't have done that, Barbie. I will make your life to hell," Damon replied.

"Oh," Caroline replied, "more than you already have? What are you gonna do, Damon? The only thing keeping me is my mother, and you're friends with her. If I tell her what you did to me back then, you'll lose your only friend. Watch Damon. I'm not that weak little human girl anymore. You have more to lose than I do. " She looked at Elena and Stefan.

"Do you know that you already sound like your lover Klaus Barbie?" Damon shouted. But Caroline had already turned around and left the house.

Marcel and Rebekah flashed forward simultaneously and broke Damon's neck. The others were screaming. But the two also turned around and left the house together with Enzo. They had to find their friend.

They found her outside the police station. "I told my mum I was going away on vacation. Based on my mood, she agreed. She's probably hoping it'll help me get something out. I have to get out of this damn town,""Well, we'll go with you," certain Rebekah.

The bags were packed quickly. The goal would be decided spontaneously. Caroline should see as much as possible.

Rebekah, Marcel, Caroline and Enzo have been on the road for a week. They had gone to the ocean, visited Richmond before and finally settled further south near Charleston for a few days. Rebekah got them a beach house. Caroline enjoyed freedom to the fullest. She swam and went for walks on the beach. She drank blood and laughed with the others.

But the shadows did´nt disappear. The others saw that she was gradually swallowed by something

They heard her crying every night. But Caroline didn't want to confide in anyone. She continued to suffer in silence.

Again all four were sitting together in the living room laughing about Marcel's anecdotes when Rebekah´s phone rang. "Let's give her some privacy," Caroline told Enzo and got up. Rebekah took the call. "Bekah," Klaus snarled on the other end of the line. Care left the house in a hurry. Hearing his voice was too much. The shadows caught up with them.

"You're never enough""It was all lies""You were just his toy"

She couldn't breathe. Caroline sank to the ground and let the tears run free. She could no longer. It was too much.

An hour later Enzo found her in this condition. She was unresponsive.

The friends thought about how they could help Care.

"I have a lousy fear," Rebekah began, "She´s been like this since Nik called. And remember what Damon said? Something's wrong, and it has to do with my brother. But first she has to get out of this state and then she has to talk. It'll help her deal with anything that's in her way. Enzo, I need your help. " Enzo stared at them curiously.

"I'm giving you a crash course in my brother's behavior right now. "

Caroline was sitting on her bed with her legs on. There was a knock, but she didn't want to talk. She dropped her head on her knees. The door opened quietly. "Hello, love," said Enzo and Caroline flinched. "What's with the enzo? "Don't call me that," Caroline snatched. "Why not love? Am I so repulsed by you?" Care flinched again. He resembled him so much. "Why are you doing this to me?" she whispered desperately. "Because you finally need to talk. About you. What's the matter with you. How we can help you, love," Enzo replied. That was too much. Caroline jumped up and ran down the stairs to the kitchen. She poured herself a bourbon. Enzo followed her slowly.

Rebekah put an arm on Care's shoulder. "We want to help you," she whispered. "I can't. " Caroline said, "I can't talk about it. "

"Then show us," Marcel suggested. "You can trust us. We'll never betray you. We are your friends and we have grown fond of you. From now until forever, we are here for you and we will never betray you. " So Marcel changed the oath of Mikaelson´s to her own. A friendship that would outlast anything. From now until forever.

They were sitting in a circle. Hands together. "Close your eyes," Enzo led hrt on. Caroline closed her eyes. "Focus on what you want to show us," Marcel said. "Now let it go. That's good," Rebekah added. And they were drawn into Caroline's world.

Flashback/Present

They saw her live. Her human life. The cocky bitch who was so vulnerable. Alone and excluded. Never number one.

They saw what Damon did to her. How she became a vampire. Matt. A conversation with Elena hit their ears. "You don't know what it's like. Because you're always the first choice. " Go on and on. Tyler as a werewolf. They felt all the fears she endured. How her father tortured her. How stupid she felt. Never loved, always second-best. Nobody put her above Elena or the others. Always the last choice.

Then a ray of hope.

Klaus, who was sitting at her bed on her birthday, talking about the beauty of the world.

The Bracelet

The ball. The dance with Klaus.

Klaus stood before her: "You are beautiful. You're strong. You're full of light. I'm enjoying you. "

The drawing

In front of the grill on the bench. "I want to talk about you. Your hopes, your dreams, everything you want to achieve in life.

The 20s Ball "Perhaps someday. In a year, or maybe a century, you'll turn up at my door. And let me show you what the world has to offer"

Klaus, who saved her from Alaric. "It´s ok. It's me. You're safe. "

The Miss Mystic contest. They had fun and laughed a lot.

Then the shame. The guilt of meeting a monster. betraying your friends like that. Cheating on Tyler like that.

The scene in Elena's house after he bit her.

"The deeper reason is that you're hurt. And that means that part of you is still human. "

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I saw it. Because I caught myself wishing I could forget what horrible things you were doing. "

"But you can't, can you?"

"I know you're in love with me. And someone capable of love can be saved for that very reason. "

Graduation. "He is your first love. I intend to be your last. No matter how long it takes"

Tyler who left her to pursue his revenge plans against Klaus.

And finally the forest.

"No, you don't, because I. . . Yes, I hide our connection behind hostility. And yes, I deeply hate myself for the truth. And if you promise me that you will just disappear and never actually come back then I will tell you the truth. Then I'll tell you the truth and tell you what I want. "

The kiss.

Then a jump. They shouldn't see this. Caroline continued to focus on what happened afterwards.

Blaming Tyler.

The interview with Stefan.

Tyler again. "I saw the good in Klaus. "

Longing, pain and slow realization that shone like a sun. Love. She loved him. No matter how much she fought back. No matter how much she denied it. She loved Klaus.

Then darkness

Tyler had apparently returned alive from New Orleans. She met him in town. He grinned when he saw her. "Hey Care," he fluffed. "Hello," Caroline replied dullly. She didn't know how to deal with him. He had put his revenge over her. Again, she was not important enough. But with her latest insight, Caroline was glad that this had happened. The memory of Klaus was like a beacon inside her. Soon she would leave to see him.

"How are you?" Tyler still asked with a big grin. "What do you want, Tyler," the blonde yelled. "I have news," replied the young hybrid. "Uh-huh," that's all Caroline said. "Yes, you know', her ex began,'I found out a few things about Klaus','Not interested', she just replied and walked past him. "Did you seriously think he would care for you?" Tyler and Caroline froze.

Slowly she turned around. "What?""Well, I don't know what he lied to you to get you laid, but it was all lies. I was in New Orleans Caroline. He forgot about you. "

"What do you want, Tyler?" Care replied sharply. Tyler laughed. "I'll give you a taste of my hell. He laid Hayley and got her pregnant. "

Caroline laughed: "Seriously, Tyler? Is that the best you can do? That's bullshit. Vampires can't have children."

"He's not a vampire. He's a hybrid. And guess what werewolves can vampires be denied? "

The blonde stood stiff as a poker. She got ice-cold. "And you know," Tyler grinned smugly, "I did a little spying on him. He's already laughed at the next one. She looks like you. I believe her name was Cami. You were just his toy. "

"I don't believe you," Caroline shouted hotly. That couldn't be true. It couldn't be true. Already Tyler had grabbed her and pictures rose before her eyes. A pregnant Hayley. Klaus at a bar with a blonde woman. He bowed closer to her.

Care broke loose. Horror was in her eyes. "You know, Caroline. This is my greatest success. He took everything from me and you gave yourself to him. Now live in your own hell. You're never enough. You'll never be enough. "

Caroline ran. She ran as fast as she could. The pain ate her up.

But what did she expect. She had rejected him over and over again. She had been a decoy over and over again. Even when he asked her to be honest, promising he would leave forever, she couldn't tell him. She collapsed. She had walked into the forest. She couldn't breathe. And the darkness surrounded her and brought with it a restful deafness.

Only at night did deafness leave her body and give way to pain.

Slowly Caroline opened her eyes. She didn't lift her head. How could she be so stupid and let herself be carried away to show the others these scenes. You're stupid, Caroline, she said to herself. Stupid stupid stupid.

Rebekah put one arm around her friend. Tears ran down her cheeks. How could she be so blind? She hadn't seen it. Had dismissed Nik's feelings as a pipe dream. And Caroline. Caroline was really full of light. And she loved her brother. She could impale that stupid dog Tyler for what he said to Caroline. She had to make something clear.

Marcel and Enzo nodded grimly. Someone would pay, and that wasn't just Tyler.

"Caroline," Rebekah began. "No," Care came out. "Caroline Forbes, you will listen to me now. Yeah, I know it's a difficult situation. The baby wasn't planned, but now it's here. And Nik was free at the time, you know. I don't think you'd hold that against him either. " Caroline nodded her eyes still lowered.

"Look out. Cami is nothing. A diversion and a diversion for Marcel to overthrow him. He loves you. He loves you with all his heart and I can't believe I'm saying this myself. I didn't want to see it. I wanted to see the monster in my brother because it was easier that way. But I firmly believe in it, no, I know he loves you. "

Caroline looked up in a jerk. Tears ran down her beautiful cheeks. Rebekah struck it off. "It's enough," the ancient vampire went on. "You've lived long enough without each other. Even if you doubt it, trust me. You're gonna get your ass up and forget what that idiot said. And now you're getting back your man. "

What had she gotten herself into. Caroline couldn't believe it. They were in Bekah´s Car and drove for a few hours towards New Orleans.

In the first hour alone she had had 5 panic attacks, 3 crying cramps and countless raving addictions. But not helped. Rebekah Mikaelson remained stubborn. Caroline cursed her, cursed Klaus for his bad example, cursed her mother and the mother of her mother but nothing helped.

They kept coming closer to New Orleans. Caroline desperately, Rebekah stubbornly smiling and the two men enjoyed themselves deliciously.

Slowly Caroline entered Marcel's house. Always on guard as if Klaus could jump around the next corner. Bekah rolled her eyes and pulled her to her room. New Orleans was beautiful. Care had to admit that. But she wasn't ready. She could not face her fears and she could no longer blindly trust that Klaus loved her.

"Here," Rebekah said, wearing a blue dress. "We're going out. Part one of your therapy. How will I get back Caroline fucking Forbes" Care rolled her eyes but it also seized her again the panic. "Don't worry," Bekah whispered, "he's not here tonight. "

She put on the dress, slipped into her shoes and hooked up with Enzo, Caroline didn't have much left. She couldn't beat all three. Grumbling, she booted after Bekah and Marcel. Enzo threw her a calming smile. They entered a bar called Rousseau´s.

As Caroline looked at the bar, she froze. There was this woman standing. Cami. At that moment she hated Rebekah. But she came into her field of vision and looked seriously. "Trust me," she said and moved on with the younger one.

They sit at a table in the middle of the room. Few people seemed to be here. Cami came to her table and Care cramped up. "Hey Marcel, hey Rebekah, glad you could make it. Who did you bring with you," the bartender asked.

"Hi Cami, this are Caroline and Enzo," Marcel introduces them. "Hello", Cami greeted her friendly. Caroline muttered a greeting. She didn't want to be here and see this scene over and over again. But Rebekah was right, she had to fight. The evening went on and so did the alcohol level.

"So Care," Bekah bawled, "I'll bet you for something,""What?" giggled the baby vampire. She'd win at any price. Their ambition has been fueled. Especially when she saw how boring this Camille was.

"I bet you don't dare to sing a song for Klaus here in this bar in our town," Bekah laughed. Caroline got big eyes. What are you serious about? But she would win. "Well, Rebekah had bad luck. I'm gonna win.

"Name your price," Care shouted inebriated. "OK," her friend laughed, " if I win, you will make a marriage proposal to Damon back in Mystic Falls" Caroline swallowed herself on her drink. "Excuse me?" she shouted. "Do you pinch?" Bekah asked. "Never," Care cried, "if I win, you'll credibly confess to Klaus and Elijah, I mean really credibly your lesbian relationship with Hayley and Camille. "

"WHAT?" Rebekah yelled and the boys laughed weakly. "Do you pinch?" taunted the younger one. "Never," growled the ancient vampire. "Good," Caroline breathed and jumped up.

Rebekah smiled at Marcel and Enzo. Everything went according to plan.

Caroline had a brief chat with two vampires. The two nodded and went to the laptop to search for the song.

At that moment someone entered the bar and headed straight for his sister.

"Hey Nik," Rebekah whispered in a good mood. "Why are you whispering and who is that?" he asked, pointing to Enzo. "Oh," giggled Rebekah, "this is Enzo. Picked him up in mystic falls. He's a very bad boy. Poor Elena really hates him. "

Enzo and Klaus bowed. Then they grinned at each other and strike.

Who'd have liked Elena?

When Klaus wanted to start talking, music sounded. A quick look at the stage and he froze. "What the hell," he came out.

Caroline got on stage and closed her eyes. She suppressed the darkness inside her and thought of the beautiful moments with Klaus. The music began.

.

.

Everybody needs inspiration. Everybody needs a song. A beautiful melody, when the night's so long.

She left her eyes closed and put all her feelings into this song. All voices went out.

Cause there is no guarantee, that this life is easy.

Yeah, when my world is falling apart. When there's no, light to break up the dark.

That's when I, I, I look at you.

She opened her eyes and met blue-green irises. He was here.

When the waves are flooding the shore. And I can't find my way home anymore.

That's when I, I, I look at you

Their eyes sank into each other. Longing. Love. The feelings flowed through her.

When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth.

She had seen his humanity.

You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon. Right there where they belong And I know I'm not alone.

He had always loved her as she was. With all her mistakes. How could she ever doubt that?

Yeah, when my world is falling apart. When there's no light to break up the dark.

That's when I, I, I look at you.

She remembered his voice. "You are full of light. " But now he helped her out of the darkness.

When the waves are flooding the shore. And I can't find my way home anymore.

That's when I, I, I look at you.

You appear just like a dream to me. Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me. All I need, every breath that I breathe. Don't you know, you're beautiful Yeah, yeah, yeah

She closed her eyes. It was to much.

When the waves are flooding the shore. And I can't find my way home anymore.

That's when I, I, I look at you, I look at you. You appear just like a dream to me.

And fear came back.

The blond beauty left the stage fleetingly. But the man of her dreams was already standing next to her and held her by the arm. "Caroline," he breathed. His eyes shone. But that could not be, she had to be wrong. She had to get out of here. Rebekah set it all up. As soon as she saw him, she was suddenly sober. She had fallen for it.

"Come on, dear," said Klaus, pulling her out. "Don't let her go, Nik," Rebekah shouted. Caroline turned around and threw an angry yet desperate look at the primordial vampire. But she just nodded encouragingly. Marcel and Enzo actually kept their fingers crossed.

She was hardly released in the fresh air. They strolled silently down the street. Suddenly the hybrid stopped and turned to her. "What are you doing here, love?" he asked quietly. But she just looked down. She didn't know what to say. The fear paralyzed Caroline.

A hand lay under her chin. And suddenly his serious eyes hit her with tears. Slowly he attracted her as if she could break. Caroline felt his strong arms and could inhale his scent again. Her dams burst and she sobbed. Klaus held her.

At some point she calmed down and looked up. Sir had both probably landed on a park bench a bit offside. Care couldn't remember moving. A hand stroked her cheek and she was terrified: "Who hurt you so?" asked her last love. Caroline shook her head. "Will you believe me if I tell you I did it myself?" asked the blonde instead.

Klaus looked confused. Caroline saw in his eyes concern and compassion and something else. She just had to say it. But how? The hybrid, on the other hand, tilted its head and looked at it: "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. "I don't know how," she replied. He got up and reached out to her. She took these and was pulled up. "Well," said Klaus, "I'll show you my town and you'll talk. " Caroline giggled slightly and let herself go. His hand never left hers.

She was talking. About her lives, her dreams and desires. Some euphemisms. Others not. She finally talked about her fears. She knew that Klaus knew her.

"I understand," he later said. "You know,love, we're all not flawless. And fear is part of life, but you know it. Everyone acts irrationally when they're afraid. But what makes you think you've caused yourself pain?"

Caroline was wondering how she could answer the question. She felt safe with him. Klaus has always been a safe haven, but at the same time often enough made her insecurities boil up. How could she say it? How to show? Show that was it. She faced him and laid her hands on his face. Then she closed her eyes.

She showed Klaus the scenes they experienced together and her feelings. As she became more agitated with every promise and at the same time resigned. Because no one could love her that much. She ditched him. The scene in the forest intentionally omitted. "Something is missing," Klaus notes. He seemed surprised. Caroline made a decision. Rebekah was right. She had to fight if she wanted to win this extraordinary man.

So she looked him deep in the eyes and started the words again:

"Yes, I hid our connection behind hostility. And yes, I hated myself deeply for the truth. And I took that promise away from you for fear of myself. But with this promise, I have caused myself the most pain. With every lie and every distraction. With every sharp remark to you. And I have no idea how to go on or if I can ever deal with my fears of never being enough. But I want to be enough. I want to be enough for you. I am here because I want to fight for my life and. . . "

Hesitantly, Caroline broke off. Klaus' eyes had grown up but he quickly caught himself, approached her close and took her face into his hands.

"I can't tell you you'll never doubt Caroline. I told you already. We're the same. But I can try to show you that you're worth it. And with every day that passes, you'll believe it a little more than time is on our side. "

Caroline laid her hands on his. "Klaus?" she asked. "Hm?", made the beautiful hybrid.

Slowly the blonde smiled. "We need a new promise," she giggled, "I'm afraid they've all come true because I'm in love. "

A smile spread to Klaus' face.

"Then I promise you I'll be your last love" and that's how he kissed her.

Caroline didn't know what the future would bring. Too many uncertainties lay on their way.

But Niklaus Mikaelson would sweep them all aside.

[frisbee-camp]

Let Me Help (Complete!!)

AO3 Link//Wattpad Link)

Tj and Cyrus have been friends for a long time, but will that change after life comes crashing down and impulsive decisions catch up to them? (Angst, Ambi, love notes, slow burn, aged up so they’re all in high school, god tier ships, mental health, and like a whole bunch more ladies! Let’s get this angst.)

Chapter 18: Bonus Chapter: Why Would I forget that?

"T you gotta eat something," Cyrus gently coaxed TJ's face away from his computer screen, he had spent all day furiously typing and deleting and retyping his common app essay. He had no idea what to write about, he had told Cyrus that no college would ever accept him. He had said that he was just another white boy who wanted to study film. Cyrus hated when he put himself down like that, but he was right. TJ was just average in the eyes of the college admission process.

TJ frowned at Cyrus as he cleared space to sit on the dining room table. They had been together for a little more than a year now. One year, two months, and three days to be exact thought Cyrus. Cyrus handed TJ a plate of steaming pasta freshly ordered off of Grubhub. TJ smiled a bit as he took it.

"Thanks," he grumbled as he swirled fettuccini Alfredo around his fork. Cyrus knew college applications made him irritable and grumpy, but he didn't mind. He knew he could always get him to smile with Tyler James' favorite food group (cheese).

"And what do we say?" Cyrus pried. The last year had been life-changing for Cyrus, he had started to be bolder, less afraid of uncertainty and judgment.

"Thank you, Cyrus," Tj mumbled as he scooped heaps of the pasta into his mouth.

"And?"

"And I love youuu" Tj smiled sweetly at his boyfriend.

"Thank you T, I love you too." Cyrus grinned and hopped off the table. "Come on," he said, "take a break. Maybe we could find some inspiration outside." Tj got up and hesitated, "Yes T, you can bring the pasta with you," Cyrus added as he took his hand.

It was brisk outside in TJ's backyard, the flowers were in full bloom and the night was full of hope. They sat on TJ's grandparent's old lawn chairs, in silence while TJ finished his food. It didn't take long.

"You eat so fast, you're going to get sick" Cyrus said.

"You're the one making me sick," TJ chuckled and grinned at Cyrus. "Loooove sick" Cyrus rolled his eyes at the cheesy joke but smiled on the inside.

"Think of a better joke next time," Cyrus said calmly as he leaned into the old chair.

"What?" Tj gave a dramatic gasp and smiled wide "next time you nag me?"

Cyrus closed his eyes, "Whatever," he said as he imagined them as an old couple, lovingly annoying the heck out of each other, "I still love you."

Cyrus felt TJ grab his hand, "I know, I love you too."

They stayed like that for a long time, holding hands with closed eyes, their breaths synchronizing and the moon softly illuminating them in the grey moonlight. This was it. This was what Cyrus had hoped for when he agreed to be with TJ, this calm, this balance, this stability. It was what he felt when TJ was near, he felt invincible and calmed, like a hummingbird resting on a branch. He breathed out.

"You know," TJ finally whispered after a long time, "this is where I finally realized I liked you."

Cyrus hummed and finally said, "Liked? Past tense?" TJ lightly laughed. Cyrus would do anything for that laugh.

"You know what I mean Cyrus," Cyrus' eyes were still closed but he knew TJ was looking at him with that soft look that made his insides turn liquid. He opened his eyes and found him staring at him. He melted.

"I know" Cyrus said with a sly smile, "you're mom told me."

Tj's eyes widened and he sat up, "My mom told you?!"

"Yeah," Cyrus stayed calm, "we're friends. She said that Amber told her. Cute right?"

"Oh my God, so that's where you go when I'm doing homework? You hang out with my mom?" Tj sat with his mouth open, Cyrus thought it was absolutely adorable. "That is so embarrassing what the hell." They both laughed as TJ started connecting the dots. The coupons he found in Cyrus' backpack a couple of months back, the inside jokes between them, Cyrus coming back to Tj's room with canned bloody Mary's. Cyrus watched as TJ shook his head and slumped back into the lawn chair. "You're ridiculous," he finally said and settled into a light smile.

"Maybe so Tyler James, maybe so."

When they decided to go back inside, TJ moved his college station to the living room where he sat crisscrossed on the floor while Cyrus laid down with his head in TJ's lap. Things had calmed in the past year, Andi and Amber were the epitome of perfect girlfriends, Marty and Buffy still adored each other, Jonah and Walker had broken up but they were still friends, and he and TJ were, well, an old married couple. Cyrus had finished his homework for the week. He normally spent most of his time at Tj's house now. He hadn't come out to his parents officially yet, but they did catch him and TJ kissing on the porch a couple of weeks after they had gotten together. It was strange, Cyrus expected a sit down with lots of therapist talk but instead, they never spoke directly of it. Instead, they would sprinkle in phrases like, So how's your boyfriend and You know Cyrus, that boyfriend of yours is good to you why don't you invite him over? Tj had already known his parents, but sitting down for an actual dinner was awkward and Cyrus hated it at first until he saw his parents laughing at Tj's jokes and asking him for his pie receipt. He had focussed so much on the bad that he forgot that maybe things just sort of...work out on their own.

He felt Tj's cat Petunia sit on his chest. He was a shiny light brown cat with crystal blue eyes that glowed even in daylight. Cyrus had picked him out with Tj's mom, but TJ didn't know that. Cyrus lightly scratched at Petunia's chin, who immediately nuzzled into the touch and purred as he laid on Cyrus' chest.

"What are you writing about now?" Cyrus asked as he looked up at TJ who was now clack clack clacking away at his laptop.

"About how my boyfriend is better friends with my mom than I am."

"You'd definitely get into an ivy with that one."

"I don't need an ivy, I need UCLA" TJ frowned at his screen, the light made him look flushed out and ghostly. The essay wasn't due for another two months, but TJ had already finished every other part of the application. He had never seen TJ so set, so driven, it was nice but it terrified him. California wasn't that far, only an hour or so flight, but an hour is an hour. In an hour he could die or crash his car or fall off a cliff or worse, TJ could stop loving him in an hour. He would find himself a cute artsy film boy and forget about Cyrus altogether. Cyrus was excited for TJ on the outside, but he was horrified. Cyrus had been thinking about college for years now, but thinking is different from actually having to go. He didn't want TJ to leave him already, they had only had so much time together.

Cyrus later explained this to TJ's mom while they shopped for holiday gifts in late Autumn, a couple of weeks after TJ had sent in ten applications to colleges around the country.

"Well Cyrus, you know what I always say," TJ's mom said as she floated through the department store in her signature pink fur-lined robe. She answered herself before Cyrus could even understand the question. "There is no greater punishment than that of being abandoned to one's self," she said in one breath before sipping on a mug tumbler Cyrus knew she had filled with something vaguely fruity and definitely alcoholic.

"You've literally never said that before Dawn," Cyrus said. He loved Tj's mom for all the reasons she annoyed TJ. She was erratic and outspoken and her advice was absolutely horrible in every single way. She'd tell him to leave the country every time he was mildly inconvenienced. It was this ridiculousness that always brought Cyrus back to his senses.

She sighed and put an entire rack of clothes in her cart, "What I have or haven't said in the past doesn't matter. If tyler leaves then I know you will wallow in pain, but that's the point no? Young love and all that. If he stays you will also wallow in pain because you'd feel like you held him back from his dreams. There is no winning. No one ever wins except The Man. Do not let The Man win, no matter what." They had made their way to the shoe aisle and Dawn was now sitting trying on heels in the mirror.

Cyrus frowned at no one and nothing in particular. He hated this moment. He just wanted Tj to decide already, but he knew that decisions wouldn't be out until spring. He felt Dawn push back his hair out of his face, just like how TJ does when he wants to say something important.

"Cyrus honey," Dawn's blonde hair fell in perfect curls around her face, "I can't pretend to know how you feel, but I do know that I was in love once," her voice was softer now, genuine. She sounded like TJ during their midnight facetime calls. "And I know that it hurts, that it makes you feel like you're on top of the world one second and down in the darkest dungeon of hell the next. But you can't stop that from you enjoying it because you'll always remember it. Now please help me get this heel off my foot. It's cutting off my circulation."

So, as Cyrus sat on the floor of the Nordstroms Rack pulling a seven-inch heel off Dawn's left foot, he let go. Not of the shoe, but of TJ. He wanted him to live his life, with or without him. He wasn't going to break up with him, he just didn't want to emotionally tether him to Shadyside, this town of less than a thousand, in the middle of fucking nowhere.

The winter in Shadyside was brutal, unrelenting, and cozy with TJ beside him. Cyrus tried being less clingy, he called TJ less, only slept over at his house twice a week instead of their usual alternating schedule, and didn't dare talk about the future. TJ had been so anxious waiting for college decisions to come that he barely noticed. It was limbo, but Cyrus knew it was for the better. It would be too hard for both of them if Tj left one day and never came back.

One day, the day before Cyrus' birthday and UCLA admissions decisions, Tj and Cyrus found themselves in the park with the swings. They sat in silence, swinging slowly.

Finally, Cyrus spoke, "Tyler James Tanner Kippen, I want you to know that whatever happens tomorrow, I love you no matter what. If you get in or not or decide to leave or not I'll support you and you shouldn't stay here, no offense to Utah or whatever but this place sucks and if you go to Shadyside College I'll kill you dead with my own two hands and force you to transfer and-"

"Cyrus-" TJ stared at him.

"And! I'm not finished Tyler! And you need to freaking live your life and if that means going to California or France or the freaking Serengeti you need to go-" Cyrus was angry and blotchy and it felt like his lungs were about to burst.

"Cyrus," Tj cut in, "I don't deserve you. I haven't been there for you the past couple of months and I'm sorry I really am. I-" Tj stammered and looked down and away, "this year has been so weird, college is so weird and I don't want to leave you and I won't I promise I just, I don't know what's next."

Cyrus softened a bit, he bit his lip. "I'm scared," Cyrus said through tears. Tj wiped away a few tears of his own and grabbed his hand. It felt like Cyrus had just gotten used to the feeling, he hated knowing that in a few months the feeling could be gone and he would be stranded.

"I'm scared too," Tj admitted. Cyrus felt Tj's hand tighten, "Cy you need to promise me that wherever I go you don't follow."

"Wha- What? What do you mean?" Cyrus gave a confused look. Was he breaking up with him?

"I don't mean it like that I just mean that wherever I go you can't just follow because I'm your boyfriend. I want you to decide what's best for you not for us." Tj swallowed hard and continued, "Pinky promise."

They shook their pinkies, "Pinky Promise" Cyrus affirmed.

The next day Cyrus didn't see Tj at school. He had woken up to Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty throwing balloons and confetti in his face screaming Happy Birthday at the top of their lungs. He laughed but couldn't help but notice TJ's absence. He knew today was the day most college decisions came out and TJ would probably be home refreshing his UC portal until 3:00. He understood, he felt selfish for wanting TJ all to himself.

School that day was as boring as always, but his friends had promised they'd do something fun after school.

"We're going to the freaking zoo Cyrus!!" Andi and Buffy had screamed in his ear right after throwing more confetti in his face that morning. He loved the zoo sure, but he hadn't talked to TJ all day. No texts, no calls, no facebook messenger notifications. Nothing. Matter of fact, the more he looked around, the more he noticed just how many seniors had skipped the day. None of the jocks were at school, nor the theater kids, it was empty in more ways than one.  

After the last bell, Cyrus' friends basically dragged him to the zoo. They knew he missed TJ and wanted to make up for it in the more over-the-top ways. Andi kept buying him cotton candy and Marty even bought him a koala backpack. Buffy even gave him a piggyback ride most of the way around the park. Cyrus was grateful but after an hour wandering the zoo, he was exhausted and just wanted to go home and sleep. He looked at his watch and saw 3:00 come and go. He sighed as his friends dragged him around one last corner, by now he was barely hanging onto Buffy's back. He huffed into her hair.

"SURPRISE!!!" Cyrus screamed a high pitch wail as his friends and family appeared out of seemingly nowhere. He hadn't noticed that he'd been navigated into an indoor event space, crawling with dinosaur dioramas and cardboard cutouts of kangaroos with party hats. He was still slightly panicking on the floor when someone dragged him up.

"Surprise. Happy Birthday." smiled Tj softly, Cyrus just stared at him and looked around in disbelief, "What? Did you think I forgot? "Cyrus gave him another look, "I skipped to help set it up." Tj smiled wide and gave him a quick peck on the lips and led him to the others.

Cyrus' entire family was there. Both sets of parents, uncles, aunts, TJ's friends from the basketball team, some of Walker's art friends who spoke in riddles, Amber and her friends, and even some of Jonah's old frisbee friends. They were all there for him. For him. He gave a wide smile and joined the party.

Once the excitement died down and everyone was full of chocolate cake, Cyrus pulled TJ aside and raised an eyebrow. TJ sighed and looked back at his mom Dawn and his twin sister Amber, "No luck," he said defeated, "denied." Cyrus felt his heartbreak for him, he wanted to send everyone home and grieve with TJ.

"You can always transfer in," Cyrus gave his last shred of advice, but he knew it was futile. TJ would never go somewhere where he wasn't the first choice. Tj softly smiled and held Cyrus' cheek in his hand.

He gave Cyrus a sweet kiss, "I love you Muffin," he said and walked back to the crowd.

Tj spent the next few weeks sitting quietly waiting for other decisions to roll in. The sadness from his rejection from UCLA was short-lived as he was accepted to basically every other school (except the ivy's of course). TJ even received a full ride to New York University, his second choice. He was ecstatic. He had spent so much time thinking about UCLA that he forgot that there were other universities.

"Wow," Cyrus said longingly, "New York City."

The summer went by too quickly for Cyrus' taste. TJ spent most days talking and researching what to do in New York City. Cyrus tried to be happy he really did, but Cyrus cried every time Tj said goodbye, even if he was just going home to check up on his mom. Then the day came where TJ packed up his room, and then came the day where he drove him to the airport, and then the first day he wasn't in Shadyside at all.

Amber decided to take a gap year to volunteer in a country Cyrus couldn't pronounce the name of, so he spent a lot of time grieving with Andi. It was lonely and the school year sucked but he tried to enjoy it the most he could. He would get calls from TJ every day so it never really felt like he was all that far away. He'd tell him about his classes, and the parties, and how everyone in New York was mean unless someone needed help. Cyrus had told TJ that he could break up with him to be a free college kid, but TJ refused. He even said that he was offended and that he would never do something that selfish.

Then the day came where he was writing his essays and sending in his test scores. It was grueling and he thought it would never end but then he remembered how TJ had written his essay on how his mom's relationship with his boyfriend would inspire his first film and he'd laugh to himself. Cyrus wrote his essay on the detrimental effects of having too many parents.

And then Cyrus got his acceptances and rejections. He had been rejected to every school except one: Columbia University in the City of New York. He couldn't believe it. He was going to New York too.

Andi ended up at Parsons to study design, just down the street from TJ. Buffy went somewhere in the pacific northwest where she started playing soccer. Jonah went somewhere hot and cheap, Arizona State. Walker went to Parsons with Andi and Amber decided to join the peace corps, and Marty went to CSU Long beach to learn how to surf.

Cyrus' time at Columbia was short-lived, he stayed a semester before transferring to NYU because it was arguably better for screenwriters.

He had never told anyone, but NYU was his top choice, even before he knew TJ had applied. TJ and Cyrus spent their days eating dollar pizza and basking in New York City parks. Cyrus was finally completely happy.

THE END

authors note: after high school reed goes to jail for aggravated assault and lester goes to community :) lmao

[douxreviews]

Star Trek: Discovery - ‘Through the Valley of Shadows’ Review

Pike: "You are a Starfleet Captain. You believe in service, sacrifice, compassion, and love."

By nature I love brevity: I quite liked this one. It still suffers somewhat from this show's issues, but it also seemed to transcend that, hitting on some very interesting material beneath the less-than-watertight plot.

One of the greatest things, and possibly the greatest thing about this season of Discovery is Anson Mount as Captain Pike. Mount delivers a powerful standout performance when given the chance, and fades into the background to just the right degree when he's not the focus. Mount's Pike is troubled and haunted, but underneath and despite all that he is a good Captain and a very good man. This character is one of the elements that made 'If Memory Serves' earlier this season such a great hour of television, and he continues to shine here in 'Through the Valley of Shadows.'

It's enough to make me overlook the sheer weird ridiculousness of the plot he's trapped in, but I have to talk about that because this is, after all, a review. 'Time crystals' is quickly overtaking 'Logic extremists' as the dumb phrase the show keeps repeating over and over, with seemingly no awareness of how foolish it sounds coming out of the actors' mouths. Though there is some evidence that the phrase may be based on an real-life scientific concept, it just sounds really dumb and should have been avoided. If they were given some random name, and we were told they generated tachyons like nobody's business, I'd have no problem with it. But the closer the show wants to get to real science, the more people have to judge the show in the terms of real science. And in a show that has a device that can teleport the ship to anywhere in space or time in any dimension through the power of fungus, nothing holds up under legitimate scientific scrutiny.

Still, this episode did display at times a welcome return to the classic Trek tradition of nonsensical technobabble that the audience just buys as part of their suspension of disbelief. And it was delivered convincingly enough that I don't really care. Just tell me a good story, and I'll buy whatever laws of physics you have to break to tell it.

Unfortunately, neither half of the two-fold story is especially compelling here. On the one side, you have Spock and Burnham's investigation of the missing Section 31 ship, which turns out to be a trap laid by Control. I didn't expect that Gant was going to wind up being Controlled, but that was only because I was expecting him to sacrifice himself. Leaning into my expectations and then subverting them doesn't help if you just replace the expectations with a different cliche. The other half of the plot, with L'Rell and TyVoq on the Disco and Pike and Baby Priest on the planet, didn't fare too well either. I'm glad we're not returning to the poor attempts at Klingon intrigue that bogged down so much of Season One, but I find I'm just not compelled to care about L'Rell and TyVoq, especially TyVoq. It isn't even high praise to say that Mary Chieffo acts circles around Shazad Latif in her scenes with him; it's just not a high bar.

But each of these somewhat underwhelming stories is saved by a gem hidden within. For the time crystals and Baby Priest, it's Anson Mount's powerful performance as Pike must choose the mission over his own personal well-being and his mobility. We've heard about the accident that crippled Pike before, but to see it dramatized was a different thing entirely. And Pike's muted scream from under the melting makeup in the wheelchair was a devastating and horrifying image that sat with me for a long time after viewing the episode. All this makes Pike's decision just that much more powerful, and even though we know what he will choose, watching him have to choose it is heart-rending. I suspect it will also make 'The Menagerie,' and to some extent 'If Memory Serves,' that much more resonant, now that we've actually gotten to know this character for who he is.

The gem underneath the Burnham and Spock storyline is a lot harder to find, but it's in there. It comes in the moment in the shuttle before they arrive at the location of the 31 ship. Here we find a return to our season theme, and an interesting exploration of it for the first time since 'Brother.' Burnham, somewhat understandably, is disillusioned by the perceived loss of her mother and the failure of their initial plan to stop Control. She no longer trusts that things are happening for a reason, or that there is a purpose to the signals at all. Even her scientific curiosity, which should compel her to continue studying the signals, is dulled. She can no longer understand why Spock still sees meaning in what is happening. Spock's reason for belief is simple, and it's a compelling benefit of faith. The thing that Spock put his faith in, Logic, failed him. Then Emotion, which he fell back on, failed him as well. The only thing that's holding Spock up anymore is the belief that there must be a purpose, a reason for everything that is happening. That's the only way that this can all make sense to him in the end. This is a profound truth about faith, that when everything else doesn't make sense, it's something the believer can stand firm in and trust to keep them upright.

The last thing I want to touch on is the return of Jett Reno and her interactions with Stamets and Culber. This time around, Reno is playing the role of irritant to the audience, and not just to those around her. But she also serves here as an irritant with a purpose. We get a little bit of her backstory in her scene with Culber, which helps me to understand why she has become so cynical and sarcastic. Her loss was tragic, and when she sees Stamets and Culber's failure to capitalize on their second chance, she wants to help any way she can. I liked the little scene where she connected with Culber in sickbay, and I'm beginning to understand what her character's purpose is here.

Strange New Worlds:

We actually visited Boreth for the first time since TNG's 'Rightful Heir.' The planet is home to a Klingon monastery, where the monks wait for the return of Kahless. In legend, Kahless pointed to the star that Boreth orbits before he left, and told the Klingons to look for him 'on that point of light.'

New Life and New Civilizations:

We saw a little bit more of what goes on when Control inhabits someone. It essentially consists of filling their dead body up with a bunch of nanobots.

Pensees:

-It was nice to see Mia Kirshner's Amanda again. I really like her portrayal of the role.

-Shouldn't there be some consequences to the continued use of the spore drive? All we got here was an offhand reference by Reno.

-Did we really need a flashback recap of 'Point of Light'? No, no we didn't.

-The full look at the revamped D7 was pretty awesome. The ship geek in me loved that shot.

-Great to see the crew, including the secondary characters, interacting and hanging out in the mess hall.

-I am happy that this episode allowed me to type the sentence 'The priest is the former baby' in my notes.

-Too! Much! Handheld action! Seriously, directors. Stop filming action sequences with handheld shaky cam. It's messy and it doesn't look good.

-How much do you want to bet there were originally going to be 31 Section 31 ships chasing the Disco, and somewhere along the line somebody reduced the number by one because they thought it was dumb?

-Mary Wiseman's Tilly does not appear in this episode. That was odd, but I only just realized that she wasn't there. I guess that means she didn't need to be in this one, then.

-Ali Momen has appeared as Kamran Gant twice before, and twice as the Mirror version of the character.

-Kenneth Mitchell's return to play yet another Klingon seems odd to modern television viewers, but it's a tried and true Trek tradition (say that ten times fast) to bring back guest stars the producers like to play other characters later.

Quotes:

Burnham: "I don't need saving, brother." Spock, moving into the shuttle anyway: "Shall we, sister?" I watched this episode with my own sister, and we have a similar dynamic at times.

Burnham: "I'm not angry, I'm enraged." Spock: "And rage is the enemy of logic."

Spock: "That is why I choose to believe these signals still hold the answer. So that in the end, all of this might make sense."

L'Rell, to Tyler: "You of all people should understand that two truths are possible."

Baby Priest: "When the future becomes the past, the present will be unlocked." Me: "Um... what? But... That doesn't... Never mind."

Baby Priest: "I honor you, Captain."

Gantrol: "It always ends the same way. Neither mother nor daughter can change that."

5 out of 6 tried and true Trek traditions.

Happy birthday, Mom!

[aion-rsa]

Superman & Lois: Behind the Scenes of The New DC TV Show

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

When you think of Superman, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Is it the cape? The tights? The ability to “leap tall buildings in a single bound?” Whatever Superman’s most recognizable trait, it’s probably the way the character makes you feel that stays with you. The premise that someone so powerful would choose to use that power solely for good is an optimistic one. Despite being one of the most powerful figures in the DC Universe, it’s Superman’s capacity to inspire hope that is his defining characteristic. 

“Part of why I find the character of Superman appealing as a fan, let alone as a part of the show, is that he has the power to destroy the world and he doesn’t,” Elizabeth Tulloch, who plays Lois Lane on Superman & Lois, says. “He’s doing the right thing because it’s the right thing. If he wasn’t Superman and he was just Clark Kent without the powers, he would be the same man. In other words, you don’t [need] powers to be good, decent, and kind.”

Lois Lane is an equally inspirational figure. What could be more hopeful than someone believing, often in the face of mounting evidence to the contrary, that all the world needs to make the right decision is to hear the truth? As one of fiction’s most famous journalists, Lois uses a different kind of power from her husband’s to make the world a better, more just place.

Let’s face it, these days, we’re all in need of a little hope. So why not spotlight the two heroes who have been fighting the hopeful fight for over 80 years? Superman & Lois, the newest iteration of these legendary characters which premieres on The CW on Feb. 23, aims to do just that, albeit with some refreshing twists. The days of our heroes competing with each other for scoops while Clark awkwardly hides his true identity from Lois are gone, replaced with a happily married pair with no secrets between them. To switch things up a little further, the two are raising twin teenage boys not in big city Metropolis but in Clark’s hometown of Smallville.

It may sound like a radical interpretation (at least by the generally change-averse standard of most Superman tales), but Superman & Lois still has sci-fi and action to spare, even as it shows us a new side of the Man of Steel. It comes as the latest entry in the network’s ever-expanding roster of DC superhero TV shows, which began in 2012 with Arrow and has grown to encompass The Flash, Supergirl, Legends of Tomorrow, Black Lightning, Batwoman, Stargirl, and more.

It was this shared universe that brought us TV’s newest Superman, Tyler Hoechlin, who first wore the cape in 2016 as a guest star on Supergirl. Despite the fanfare surrounding his arrival there was no Superman spinoff in the works at the time, and this was intended as a one-off appearance for the character. 

“Honestly, I was at a point in my life and my career where I didn’t want to commit to something that was a full-time thing on a show,” Hoechlin recalls via Zoom during a break from filming. “I had just left [Teen Wolf] and was enjoying the opportunity to try different things and move around a little bit. So it felt perfect. [Filming] was going to be a couple of weeks up in Vancouver. I could check the list and say I got to play a superhero– and Superman at that.”

But Hoechlin, who had previously auditioned for the role on the big screen for 2013’s Man of Steel, found himself drawn to the way the hero was being presented for TV.

“I liked what Supergirl was representing at the time and what it has continued to represent,” Hoechlin says. “I really loved that the show was just shamelessly optimistic and hopeful. I was happy to do something that was just very, very bold about it.”

That “optimistic and hopeful” quality is apparent in Hoechlin’s performance from the first moments of that initial Supergirl guest appearance. Incredibly powerful and yet so unfailingly polite that he takes the time to offer a wink and a smile to people he saves on the street, this Superman connected with fans tiring of the conflicted, brooding takes which characterized so many of the character’s recent adventures. When the decision was made to bring Superman back for the following year’s Elseworlds crossover event, it was important to match Clark with the character who has shared nearly all his adventures since 1938.

“They were reading a lot of other actresses I recognized,” Tulloch recalls of her 2018 Lois Lane audition. “I kind of had a feeling, after I did it once, that I totally was doing something different from the other actors. The choice I made was just to have fun with it. I think, based on some of the feedback I got in the room, a lot of women had been reading that scene more seriously because, on paper, the scene did read as serious.”

The audition reading in question was a deleted scene from 1980’s Superman II, in which Lois, determined to prove that she knows Clark’s secret identity, pulls a gun on him and fires. A horrified Clark reprimands her, only for Lois to reveal that the round was blank. But by then it’s too late: he’s already confessed to being Superman.

“I just sort of played it joyfully,” Tulloch says. “And at the end, when he doesn’t die, I squealed happily and said, ‘I knew it.’” Tulloch recalls a note from Supergirl co-showrunner Jessica Queller: “She was like, ‘This is what we were looking for… there needs to be a joie de vivre about Lois.’” 

Lois Lane is as crucial to DC history as Superman, first appearing in what is generally considered ground zero for the entire superhero genre: 1938’s Action Comics #1. The book introduced both Superman and Lois to the world and, over the ensuing decades, Lois has risen from supporting character to co-headliner, and with good reason. Tougher than a Metropolis winter, sharp-witted, and a better journalist than her superpowered co-worker, Lois showcases the human spirit at its best, no powers required. Tulloch embodies the character as confidently as Hoechlin does Clark/Superman.

“I can’t think of a more important time in recent history to be playing a journalist,” Tulloch says. “After the last few years, where I feel like journalists and members of the media have come under a pretty constant onslaught and had their roles diminished, I think it’s really important to be doing what she’s doing, using her words to fight on behalf of other people, and to fight for truth and justice.”   

Just like Hoechlin’s Superman, Tulloch’s Lois was an immediate hit with fans. It helps that the pair share an effortless onscreen chemistry. Without the Clark/Superman/Lois faux-love triangle that characterized so many previous versions of the legend, TV’s new Lois and Clark were free to focus on fresher elements of the relationship. Amazingly, this rapport came naturally, as the tight shooting schedules of the Elseworlds crossover meant the first time the pair were in character together was right before filming.

“Our first readings were on set,” Hoechlin says. “We didn’t get to do any of the readings together beforehand. I immediately thought she was perfect for the part. That feeling has only grown.”

“We really just have so much fun,” Tulloch says. “I think that’s part of why I hope people respond to us. Obviously there’s a level of gravitas to these roles, and what they’re doing in their roles in the world is really important, but they’re also really playful and they really like each other.”

By the time the characters were brought back for another DC TV guest appearance in 2019, things had changed. Lois had given birth to their first child, the infant Jonathan Kent. They were there for the multiverse-shattering Crisis on Infinite Earths, which changed elements of reality for all the DC superhero shows, including a major status quo shift for Clark and Lois: instead of raising a single infant son, they now have twin teenage boys.

The responsibility of shaping Superman & Lois fell to writer and executive producer Todd Helbing, who served as showrunner on the fifth season of The Flash. Yet, it was a task that gave him pause when the job was first presented to him by DC TV maestro Greg Berlanti.

“These shows are ginormous,” Helbing says. “The hours alone, it’s just a daunting task. And nobody wants to mess up Superman.”

It was here that the family dynamic of Superman & Lois began to take shape. “Crisis gave us a blank slate in a lot of ways,” Helbing says, and with that came freedom. Only child Jonathan gave way to the idea of a son and a daughter, before finally settling on two very different twin sons: the athletic and confident Jonathan (Jordan Elsass) and the anxious and introverted Jordan (Alexander Garfin).

“I have two boys who are wildly different, so that became part of the storytelling,” Helbing says. “What do you do as parents when one child is completely different from the other and needs different attention and different help? The brothers’ relationship changes the family dynamic. And as working parents, how do you juggle your lives? Just thinking about Lois Lane being the most famous journalist in the world and the demands that her job has coupled with the demands that Superman would have, how do you infuse the storytelling with all of those challenges?”

Those challenges include the fact that, as the show opens, the boys don’t know their father is the world’s most powerful superhero, which means Clark occasionally misses out on fatherly activities without an honest excuse, an understandable point of friction. 

“Superman is a difficult person to dramatize because he’s perfect in a lot of ways,” Helbing says. “The analogy we always use is Superman is sort of perfect, but Clark can be clumsy as a dad. I think being clumsy as a parent, that’s something that we all are. We’re all figuring it out. There are  a lot of books written about it, but the second it happens to you, you don’t know what you’re doing. So why would that be any different for the Man of Steel? In a lot of ways, that opened up the floodgates about really telling stories where people can relate to him in a way that they haven’t been able to before.”

In other words, just because Lois and Clark are icons, pillars of an entire genre of storytelling, and two of the most famous characters in all of fiction, it doesn’t mean parenting comes easily to them. 

“I think there’s a little element of guilt on both of their parts because they’re such busy people, with Clark moonlighting as Superman, and Lois being this very famous, hardworking journalist,” Tulloch says. 

The idea of Lois and Clark as parents isn’t new to fans of the comics, where young Jonathan has been a fixture for years, but it isn’t as well known as other facets of the Superman legend. This makes Hoechlin and Tulloch the first actors to bring this element of the characters to a mainstream audience.

“For me, it was an exciting opportunity to tell a part of the story that hasn’t been told before,” Hoechlin says. “In a way, it raises the stakes significantly… the only real threat to him is threatening the people that he cares about. Of course, he’s had that relationship with Lois, but now he’s also got two kids, so that threat becomes all the more real.”

Fans who grew up with Superman and now have families of their own may see the character in a new light. “I think for parents to be able to come back and reconnect with this character who was a hero of theirs as a kid going through the same things that they’re now going through is such a cool opportunity, as well,” says Hoechlin.

Creating a realistic family dynamic meant finding actors to play the Kent sons who felt natural with their onscreen parents. Tulloch did readings with a series of young actors to make sure the parental chemistry was there.

“You honestly could tell almost immediately that they were the right fits,” Tulloch says. “Alex Garfin, who plays Jordan, has a lot of emotional stuff. He was just really excellent. Jordan Elsass, who plays Jonathan, is the same. His role is really different since Jonathan’s a bit cockier. If anything, his character’s Achilles’ heel is that he thinks too highly of himself. But both of those boys were just awesome.”

Events in the first episode lead the family to leave Metropolis for Clark’s old hometown of Smallville, which isn’t quite the idyllic small town it’s sometimes portrayed as. But the rural setting doesn’t mean that there will be less superheroic action than you’ve come to expect from a big city-based hero.

“The way we approached it was, if Flash is the guardian of Central City and Supergirl is the guardian of National City, Superman is the guardian of the world,” Helbing says. “So it really doesn’t matter where Superman’s based. He can fly anywhere in the world in a matter of seconds. Once you understand that, it really doesn’t matter where his home turf is… it could be anywhere.”

Bringing the family back to Smallville means that Hoechlin has an opportunity to explore more facets of the character. There’s a long-running debate among Superman fans and creators about which of Superman’s identities is the “real” persona. Is he really Clark Kent, and Superman is a put-on for the world? Or does Superman represent his true nature, and it’s Clark Kent who’s an act? To hear Hoechlin tell it, it’s far more complicated than that.

“There is Superman at the most extreme, when no one knows him as anything other than [a hero],” Hoechlin says of his approach to the character. “There’s Superman when he’s around people who are aware that he’s more than just Superman. There’s the Clark that everyone knows is Superman, but he’s still kind of ‘playing Clark.’ There’s also the extreme Clark where you would only ever think that he’s the clumsy guy in the office and that’s all he is.”

But the truth of the character lies somewhere else entirely for the actor, and it’s the one that lends itself well to a story of Clark living a family-oriented life when he’s not flying around saving the world.

“And then there’s this guy in the center,” Hoechlin says. “I don’t really think that there’s a right answer in saying that ‘he is Superman’ or ‘he is Clark.’” 

Clark will face some challenges as he readjusts to Smallville life, but it’s the famously outspoken Lois who has her work cut out for her.

“Lois has a tendency to put her foot in her mouth and sometimes she doesn’t think before she speaks,” Tulloch says. “You will see her get into trouble a little bit with the people of Smallville because she thinks she’s doing the right thing on their behalf, but not really thinking through their specific needs.”

Despite these weighty and dramatic concepts, there’s no shortage of super-powered action in the first two episodes, in which Superman takes on a mysterious, armored foe. For those wondering whether they need to be up on the various continuity bylaws of a TV universe that encompasses no fewer than six other shows, the first episode kicks off with a wonderful crash course in the history of this particular Superman and Lois, and there’s no baggage from other series to contend with.

“My mom watches everything that my brother [Aaron Helbing of The Flash, Knightfall, and more] and I do, and she didn’t read comic books,” Helbing says. “If she can’t understand what’s going on, then we’ve failed. But in the same light, there’s a huge fanbase, so we want to put Easter eggs in there and we want to tell stories about characters that everybody knows [from] the comics. We want to satisfy both at the same time, but ultimately, our job is to just tell a good story, and that takes focus.”

Getting what these particular characters represent right matters more to fans than superpowered brawls, crossovers, or intricate continuity. (“Part of why Tyler and I take this really seriously [is] because we know these roles are iconic for a reason,” Tulloch says). Embodying those core values is what made Hoechlin and Tulloch’s portrayals connect so strongly with fans in the crossovers, and it’s something everyone involved in the spinoff series intends to continue.

“It’s such a polarized world that we’re living in,” Hoechlin says. “Superman’s ability to stand for what’s right without having to, for lack of a better word, demonize, is something I really appreciate about him. For me, that’s really that idea of compassion and empathy towards everyone. I think his hope is that everyone finds the right path.”

But as it so often does when discussing the world of Superman, it always comes back to that one word: hope.

“Superman has always been hopeful,” Helbing says. “Considering everything that we’ve gone through this year, hope is infused in there and it should be. But it has to feel real, and it has to come out of hopefulness for real struggles that anybody watching this can relate to. If Superman can struggle and he still remains hopeful, and if Lois can struggle and she remains hopeful, then I think maybe we can, too.”

Superman & Lois premieres on Feb. 23 on The CW.

The post Superman & Lois: Behind the Scenes of The New DC TV Show appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3jS7fbT

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

I may be wrong but I've read little trivia on IMDb and it said that the writers always knew the 'c' was for Coop. I hate how the writers handled Cole though, it honestly makes me sad.

I checked IMDb and found this: “In the episode ‘All Halliwell’s Eve’ in season 3, it is revealed that the name of Phoebe’s true love would begin with the letter ‘C’. Later in season 8 when it was announced that the show was in it’s final season they brought in the cupid character ‘Coop’ for Phoebe, meaning that 'Cole’ was never Phoebe’s true love, only her first love. The writers made the name begin with a 'C’ on purpose.” So based on that, it sounds like they didn’t always know it would stand for Coop. Like I said, I’m pretty sure the writers didn’t even know Coop would be created until season 8, but they did cater to the prophecy which is why they chose a name that began with ‘C’ for Coop. 

Yeah, I agree. The writers handled Cole terribly and I’m not really sure how it ended up the way it did. It still confuses me to this day. Honestly, I feel like because Cole was the first main character they’d ever had on the show that was naturally not good, they were excited to be able to explore that and as time went on they just got too caught up in his darkness and amplified it to a point of no return. I think everyone in the fandom agrees that they shouldn’t have brought him back for season 5 or that at the very least A Witch’s Tail should’ve been his last appearance, because they just ruined him. 

The one scene that always sticks in my head is the scene in Centennial Charmed where he says, “What happened to us, Phoebe? How did we get here? We used to be so in love.” That’s the moment you realise just how broken he is. 

I know that Cole gets his fair share of hate in the fandom and whilst I understand why, personally, I will always defend him and this is why. (I’ll place the rest under the cut, because it’s pretty long). 

In season 3 he was a demon whose sole purpose was to kill the sisters. He was manipulative, sly and cunning (not unlike any other demon on the show), but he unexpectedly developed feelings for Phoebe and couldn’t go through with it. He struggled throughout that early part of season 3 with the human feelings he was feeling (which he even admitted to Phoebe he hadn’t felt in hundreds of years) and his identity as a demon. He was torn and didn’t know what to do. When he finally got together with Phoebe, he changed and fought to be a better man. He went undercover and was willing to betray the people he’d considered family, to help the sisters and put his own life at risk in doing so. Again, he went through hell during that time being pulled in two - his demon half compelling him to give into the Brotherhood and his natural evil urges and his human half clinging to Phoebe and his love for her making him want to be the better man. In Look Who’s Barking, Phoebe and Cole weren’t together following everything that happened with the Brotherhood and Phoebe was determined Cole had been killing innocents, but he hadn’t. Even that is very telling. Cole wasn’t with Phoebe and yet he still wasn’t killing or being Belthazor. 

Then we get into season 4, which was by far Cole’s best period on the show for him as an individual character but also his relationship with Phoebe. By this point he was completely devoted to Phoebe, her family and to good. He helped Phoebe save Paige against Shax, went demon hunting with Phoebe and Piper everyday, saving their butts (as Phoebe so nicely put it haha), he was willing to sacrifice himself to lure the Furies to the house to save Piper and he saved Piper from The Source and in the process gravely injured him. 

In Black As Cole he came up against his dark past, admitted to killing an innocent and actively tried to do everything he could to make up for that. He turned into Belthazor, risked never being able to turn back into his human form to defeat Sykes and explicitly told Phoebe to vanquish him if he posed a threat to her and her sisters. Then his powers were stripped and he became human, which signaled the beginning of a new phase of Cole’s development. 

Muse to My Ears is one of my favorite episodes ever in regards to Cole, because it’s just so great. Here’s this man who was a demon for over a hundred years who had become human overnight and he had no clue how to function. I loved that the writers included the scene at the beginning where he gets the tray out of the oven and burns himself, because that just highlights perfectly how huge a change it was that he couldn’t even do something as basic as that. We saw him struggle with not being able to protect Phoebe and going from one of the most powerful beings to a weak human. And what I love about this episode is that it actually showed Cole’s tendencies towards evil even after all this time and even without his powers. He bought a gun and stabbed a demon that used to be his friend whilst he was in the Underworld, both of which are acts that showed him to be a naturally violent person. But this episode mostly showed a man that was struggling with his identity and trying to find his way, which I think is something we can all relate to. 

We saw more of this in A Paige From A Past, with Cole being at the police station for driving without a licence. Admittedly, it’s not a huge crime, but still highlights Cole’s tendency to go against the rules and be bad. Yet in the next scene we saw him (as a human) running to a car that was in flames with no hesitation or thought for his own safety, in order to carry an innocent to safety.

In Lost and Bound we saw him get a job at social services with Paige, which again showed that continuing battle within Cole between good and evil, particularly regarding the slumlord. Though his intentions were good, the way in which he wanted to handle the situation was bad. Cole’s knee-jerk reaction was always violence and we saw that in this episode. But we also saw him trying to resist it to be a better man and more importantly a human man (which is something he was still trying to deal with). Cole soon came to the realistation that the 9-5 life wasn’t for him (which was no real surprise) and for the rest of the episode helped Phoebe and the sisters to save Tyler. 

Overall the beginning of season 4 depicted Cole as a good person, with a troubled past and underlying issues regarding his nature and identity, that he was working to overcome. And that is the person I will always percieve Cole to be.

Now we get to the turning point for Cole and the number one reason why I will always defend him. In Charmed and Dangerous, Cole selflessly gave himself over and took in The Hollow so as to save the sisters from The Source. He was manipulated by The Seer to do this (who had seen visions of him becoming The Source and the great future they’d have together and blah blah blah) and had no idea that in doing so he would become The Source. And from this point on, Cole became a victim, which is something I feel is overlooked too much within the fandom. In the next episode when he realised The Source was slowly taking him over he was horrified and determined to fight it. He was a man clearly distraught and desperate to make it stop. It’s difficult, because the thing I always wonder is during this time how much of what we saw was Cole and how much was The Source? Personally, I believe 90% of his actions were completely dictated by The Source. The only glimpse we saw of Cole during that time was his love for Phoebe, because that was the one part of Cole that was strong enough to overcome The Source. I do believe that The Source played on certain dark parts of Cole’s character that already existed, such as him targeting Paige in The Fifth Halliwheel. Cole had never particularly been Paige’s biggest fan, but he would’ve never manipulated or emotionally tortured Paige in the way he did when he was possessed by The Source. And guess what? Cole was the one that saved her in that episode. When he saw what losing her was doing to Phoebe he couldn’t stand to see it happen, so he saved Paige. 

And throughout the 8 episodes that Cole was possessed by The Source he continually saved and protected Phoebe and her sisters. It’s taken for-granted that Cole is the sole reason the sisters survived during that time. He literally lived under the same roof as the sisters, they trusted him and he had numerous chances to kill them - which I should remind you was the sole aim of the previous Source - and yet he didn’t, because Cole was fighting against The Source the entire time in regards to protecting Phoebe and the sisters. Even how Phoebe learned about Cole being The Source was purely because Cole fought through The Source’s possession. He loved Phoebe so much and was so happy in that moment, that his barriers dropped and she was able to have a premonition. Even when Phoebe joined the dark side, Cole still didn’t kill Piper and Paige. He still loved and respected Phoebe too much to harm those she loved. And in the end Cole was vanquished because Phoebe knew it had to be done to save herself and her family, and in a weird way even Cole himself. 

And this is what irks me about people that hate on Cole. Nothing that happened in 4x14-4x22 (which is how long he was possessed by The Source) can be blamed on Cole. If it had been any of the sisters that had been possessed by The Source, no one would even think of blaming them for their actions. Does anyone demonise Phoebe for her actions when she was pregnant with The Source’s heir and under his influence? No. And that wasn’t even a full possession like the one Cole suffered. A possession means your consciousness has quite literally been taken over by someone else. Cole was able to push through in brief moments, but only when it was something to do with his love for Phoebe. Cole was 100% a victim of evil in season 4 and I don’t see that being acknowledged enough. In fact, most of the stuff I see regarding this story line is all about how Phoebe suffered and how she was a victim, which she was, of course she was, but so was Cole. 

Before Cole became The Source, he’d been fighting on the side of good for months, he’d faced his darkness and overcome it, he’d been stripped of his powers so actually had no evil magic within him at all, he was in love with Phoebe and he was happy and no, he wasn’t perfect, but he was working on it. And that was all destroyed because of a selfless act (saving the sisters from The Source) and manipulation from The Seer. 

Speaking of The Seer, I’d also like to add here that she is completely overlooked as being one of the most intelligent and underhand villains to ever be on Charmed. She manipulated Cole (and later on Phoebe) from the get go and continued to do so right until the very end. She was always there whispering in his ear, convincing him to do what she wanted him to do, preaching about visions and destiny, but all along it was because she wanted to carry The Source’s heir, which she managed to achieve. There are plenty of times where Cole might’ve been able to escape The Source’s clutches (even if it was just by telling Phoebe), but every time he lost his resolve The Seer would be there shouting at him about how important it was that he continue their plans. 

The last episode of season 4 saw Cole in some sort of demonic Hell fighting for his life and I’d just like to point out that those scenes are very demonstrative of just how little of the real Cole we saw in the episodes that he was possessed by The Source, because he seemed very different. Now, I’m not saying Cole is a sweet and innocent child that didn’t deserve to be in hell, cos he did plenty of evil things as Belthazor, but he’d done plenty of things to redeem himself and hadn’t committed a single evil act (to my recollection) until he was possessed, and since he was possessed that technically means all of the evil things he’d been doing over the passing weeks (or months, I’m not sure exactly how long he was possessed for) leading up to his vanquish weren’t directly his fault. So I’d just like to emphasise again here, that Cole was certainly a victim. Just imagine being Cole and going through that. First, the possession and then just being instantly vanquished and ending up in hell as himself (because at the point The Source was finally gone) and having to fight for survival. 

Anyway, now for season 5 which we all know is the season that slaughtered Cole’s character in every single way. 5x01 was perfectly fine. Cole was back again and wanted Phoebe back, but she wanted to move on with her life, which she told him and he accepted it. 

Again, I see a lot of people talk about this from Phoebe’s POV, but never Cole’s. From Cole’s POV he was human, happy, in love, had just asked Phoebe to marry him and intended to spend his life with her, then he was overtaken by The Source, still fought with everything he had to keep Phoebe in his life and by his side, was vanquished and then he came back and in his mind he was probably where they left off before he was possessed. Cole never wanted any of what happened to happen. He didn’t want to be The Source and he didn’t want Phoebe to be his Queen. He himself even once said to Phoebe there was no such thing as evil love and refused to accept her when she was evil. What happened in season 4 was as a direct result of The Source’s influence. Cole loved Phoebe and wanted to be with her, and The Source manipulated that situation which led to Phoebe being pregnant with his heir and therefore being susceptible to turning to the dark side to be with Cole. So when you consider this is it really any surprise Cole wanted a second chance with Phoebe? Of course, he was completely underestimating the hurt she’d suffered through all of that, but Cole had suffered too. 

The beginning of the season 5 really wasn’t that bad in terms of Cole’s character. I think people have a tendency to percieve it as being worse than it was because the way the writers wrote it. They really did make him look like a desperate, obsessive stalker, but when you look at it again that’s not actually the case. 

He had evil powers again, but he wasn’t doing evil things. He seemed determined to prove himself to Phoebe and reconcile with her. And actually he respected her wishes and didn’t force himself on her. In 5x03 he tried to help her by warning her, then he saved her and encouraged her to meet with that guy at the end to gain her trust in men again. In 5x04 he saved an innocent to prove to her that he was still devoted to good (and I’d also like to point out here that in season 4 as Belthazor, he still used his demonic powers and used them for good and Phoebe accepted that, but this time she couldn’t. Why?) and the siren spell attracted them to each other, which again was through no fault of Cole. He was manipulated and victim to magic again and although Phoebe partially blamed that on his supernatural powers, when you look at what Cole did to her (he strangled her), that’s something completely unrelated to his powers that he could’ve done as a human (and we know that the Siren did have human victims too). In 5x05 Cole was still devoting himself to good by trying to stop a landlord from evicting elderly tenants, in 5x07 Cole was victim to evil magic again as Barbas targeted him and uses his own fears against him to gain his powers (which was very detrimental to his mental health), in 5x08 Cole confided in Piper and Paige about being told by future Bacarra that Miles was destined to die, instead of just letting it happen and later actually stayed to protect Miles from death all because Phoebe cared about him. 

By the time we reached 5x09 his mental health started to deteriorate and is it any wonder after everything he’d been through? All he’d done all through season 5 was fight for the woman he loved and try everything in his power to prove to her he was still capable of being good, yet she didn’t care. Phoebe completely turned her back on him and I’m not by any means condoning Cole’s behaviour by blaming Phoebe’s rejection, but it definitely played a large part. And actually, a lot of the time Phoebe was wrong. She thought he was lying on multiple occasions when he wasn’t, she accused him of committing evil acts numerous times when he was innocent and I think it got to a point where Cole was so tired of being constantly blamed and villainised that he just lost his mind. 

Again, this is something that isn’t taken seriously because it’s Cole. But if any of the sisters had been going through what Cole went through mid-season 5 would people have looked at it in the same way? I don’t think so. Cole’s mental health took a serious hit. He was suffering from serious depression, paranoia, maybe even PTSD (not helped by the amount of times his mind had literally been invaded and manipulated by magic). He was in a really bad place and he reached out to the sisters (the only people he had in the world) to help him, but they threw it back in his face, until it reached a point where he felt the only way out was suicide. The only way he could be killed was by The Charmed Ones, so he attacked them so that they’d retaliate and kill him. When that didn’t work and he learned that he was truly invincible his mental health plummeted. And the lack of seriousness taken regarding Cole’s mental health was highlighted during the scene in Y Tu Mummy Tambien where he’s summoning various objects and trying desperately to kill himself, and it’s actually just treated as a comedic scene. But like…what the actual hell? That was a man so broken, so depressed, so helpless that he was spending every waking hour of his life trying to find a way to die. How wasn’t that taken more seriously? Just because he was a demon (or had demonic powers) that meant he deserved that? The closest he got to anyone caring or sympathising with him was Paige in Sympathy For The Demon. And the fact that it was Paige of all people really says a lot. 

This is where we got to the stage where Cole really did lose his mind and started to do evil things for the sole purpose of being evil. In Y Tu Mummy Tambien he tried to make Piper choose between Paige and Phoebe, in The Importance of Being Phoebe he kidnapped Phoebe and replaced her with Kya to get to the Nexus. By that point I think it was a case of, “I can’t kill myself, Phoebe doesn’t want me, all I have is evil” and it was so easy for him to give into that and take it a step further since he had nothing else to lose. And then we saw him become so twisted and obsessed with his love for Phoebe that he went to the extremities of creating an alternate world. And this was really his final plea for help. He realised he didn’t care about being powerful or evil, he just wanted Phoebe. And it was almost a case of, “If I can reconcile with Phoebe then maybe all of this won’t have been for nothing.” But of course, it was too late. 

As much as I try to demonise and hate Cole for his actions, particularly in the later half of season 5, I just can’t. I think a lot of other people find it so easy to do so because it basically became a Phoebe vs Cole situation, and of course, most people naturally empathise with Phoebe therefore demonising Cole. But what happened to Cole was as a result of endless months and years of torment, magical manipulation, possession and heartbreak which led to a break-down of his mental health. And who did he have to help him? Who did he have to pull him back? All of the sisters have become evil before or struggled through trauma and every single time they’ve overcome it because their family was there to save them. But when Cole sought help and cried out to be saved, there was no one there. And again, this isn’t me blaming Phoebe or the sisters for what happened to him, because it shouldn’t have been their responsibility to look after him. But the fact remains, Cole just needed guidance and somebody to be there for him through a hard time. 

And I also stand firm on the belief that Phoebe should’ve gave Cole a chance. And by that, I don’t mean her getting back together with him, I simply mean a conversation. After everything that happened between them in season 4, they didn’t even sit down and have a single conversation about it. They should’ve talked about what happened, how it made them feel, how they still felt about it, what they needed going forward, whether they thought they had a chance etc. But essentially all that happened was Cole came back said, “I want you back” and Phoebe immediately reacted negatively and was like “HELL NO!”, when in reality Cole hadn’t done anything to warrant that. Phoebe was adamant she couldn’t be with Cole based upon his actions as The Source, when he freakin’ possessed. That wasn’t who he was and he came back as himself, wanting to fix things and prove to Phoebe that he wasn’t The Source, that he wasn’t evil, that he was the man he was at the beginning of season 4, the one she agreed to marry. Yet Phoebe was volatile and unforgiving to him from the very beginning and determined to make him the villain at every turn, when what really needed to happen was for them to just have a conversation to understand each other’s POV. 

I think that everyone’s opinion on this subject is based almost entirely on how you perceive The Source’s possession in season 4. Personally, I see it as being a full possession in which Cole’s agency, choice and power was stripped therefore resulting in him being completely blameless for his actions during that time. And that’s so important because that one event was the turning point for his arc. Everything that happened in season 5 was a direct result of what happened in season 4. Because of the terrible things Cole did as The Source, when he came back Phoebe distrusted and demonised him, as did the sisters and that broke him down slowly but surely until he started to believe that himself and the added kick of magical manipulation and corruption from Barbas, The Avatars and his powers eventually broke him beyond repair. 

Essentially, I do put the direction Cole’s story went in down to bad writing. Like I said, I think the writers just kinda fell in love with Cole’s character and found him incredibly interesting and fresh, but they didn’t really know what to do with him after The Source storyline. I actually feel like initially they wanted to bring him back in season 5 to redeem him and prove that he wasn’t The Source and give Cole the second chance he deserved, but it just kinda went dramatically off track and ended up going in an unexpected direction. 

And sorry, I went off on a huge tangent with this, but it’s a subject I think about a lot and I kinda wanted to put my thoughts about it out there. I’m expecting a lot of backlash if anyone does read this, since I know there are a hell of a lot of people that will disagree. 

[moment-of-the-wolf]

Healing to the Hurt

“Isn’t there anything you can do Doctor? She’s my daughter!”

“Yes...There’s one last thing I can try...but you’re not going to like it...” 

Canon Divergence 1x13 - 2x1  Nine/Rose, shades of War Doctor/The Moment. Part one of The Space Between Stars, a series of long one shots

Jackie Tyler was Christmas shopping, Rose had disappeared with the TARDIS weeks ago with no word yet whether she had succeeded in saving the Doctor, but Jackie was looking for a present for her anyway. For them. If Rose succeeded, well, the Doctor got points for sending Rose back to her  to begin with. That was worth a Christmas present, even if it ended up just being a mug. 

What do you get an alien for Christmas? Did he even know what Christmas was?

Her mobile phone rang. Rose had insisted she let the Doctor tinker with it because he had upgraded her phone to be able to call her from across space and time, it would be much more convenient for Jackie to have her upgraded too so she could answer whenever Rose called. She still hated the thing, and couldn’t figure out her answering machine, but at times like this, when the screen read “Rose calling” Jackie was glad she had it.

She picked it up with a smile on her face, and tears threatening, “Well, it’s about time then, Mickey and I were just this close to making a wager about whether or not you made it.” The other end of the line was silent, and stayed silent for far too long, “Rose? Rose, are you alright, darling?”

Finally there was an answer, but it wasn’t Rose, Jackie’s heart froze when she heard the Doctor’s voice on the other line, “Help me.”

And just like that, no other words, the called ended. Jackie stood there in the middle of the street asking the Doctor to explain, even though she knew he wouldn’t answer. Then she heard it, that sound that his ship made. The sound had come to be one that made Jackie happy, it meant Rose was home. Now, with the Doctor’s cryptic call, she only felt dread as she dropped her bags and ran toward the sound.

As she turned the corner, Jackie saw that she wasn’t the only one drawn by the noise, Mickey Smith was running down the street opposite her. He had a smile on his face, excited to see Rose again- the look didn’t last when he saw the terrified expression on Jackie’s own face. The pair of them had become pretty close the last few weeks, she’d never been too fond of the boy, but in Rose’s absence Jackie had started to treat him more like a son.

“What’s going on?” Mickey asked as they approached the TARDIS together.

“I don’t know.” Jackie replied and banged on the door of the Blue Box, “Doctor? Doctor!? What’s happening? Where’s my Rose?”

It took a few minutes, but her question was answered when the TARDIS opened up and the Doctor came stumbling out, Rose dangling limp in his arms. The Doctor looked horrified and held her closer to him, “Help me get her to your flat!” He instructed, “Quickly!”

“What happened?” Jackie gasped, “Oh! Rose, Rose! Wake up!”

The three of them made their way to Powell estate, the Doctor didn’t really need any help carrying Rose. Pretty much all he needed was for Jackie to unlock the door to the flat and let him in so that he could take Rose to her bed. On the way, the Doctor tried to explain. “She looked into the Time Vortex, no one is supposed to do that.”

“Looked into the what?” Jackie shook her head, “What does that mean?”

“It’s the heart of the TARDIS, all of time and space running through her head. That’s too much power, she should be dead.”

“She’s dead!?” Mickey gasped.

“No!” The Doctor corrected, “No, she’s alive, she let go of it before it burned through her but that’s the thing! She shouldn’t have been able to hold it as long as she did. It should have killed her!”

After he laid Rose on the bed, the Doctor took out that weird alien screw driver of his and flicked a switch to run it over Rose’s body. “No internal hemorrhaging. Cellular structure is intact. Pulse is good. No fever.” 

“What’s wrong with her, Doctor?” Jackie asked.

“I don’t know!” The Doctor blurted, “By all accounts she’s fine, perfect health, but she should be dead!” He ran his screwdriver over again, “If it were me I would be dead. No one is meant to see the Time Vortex, I have no idea why she’s like this, I have no idea why she’s still alive.”

But he was relieved she was, that was plain as day on the Doctor’s face.

Jackie helped get Rose settled in the bed, wrapping blankets around her and fluffing her pillow up. “It’s like she’s sleeping… or in a coma.” Jackie mused, “Maybe she’ll be waking up soon.” She dared to hope.

The Doctor pulled a chair up next to the bed, and brushed Rose’s hair away from her face. “Maybe…” He replied, but he didn’t sound confident.

“Shouldn’t we take her to a hospital, then?” Mickey suggested.

The Doctor never took his eyes off Rose, “No, cause they’ll want to know how she ended up like this, and I can’t even begin to tell them.” He replied, “And they can’t give her any proper care unless I can tell them exactly what’s wrong with her. Without that information, they may try some brain surgeries or medicine or whatever other primitive practices you’re still using in this century and probably make her condition worse.”

“Then what are we supposed to do?” Jackie demanded, “Just sit here and wait?”

“I don’t know!” The Doctor snapped, “Nothing like this has ever happened before!”

“Stop shouting!” Mickey ordered, “Both of you! Just…Just calm down.”

Jackie bristled, ready to give Mickey a good slap, but the Doctor said nothing and just reached to brush Rose’s hair again. He was plainly stressed from worrying about Rose. “I’m sorry.” Jackie said, and found her own chair. She watched her daughter’s chest rise and fall, “What exactly happened out there?” Jackie asked.

She barely knew how to work her mobile phone, she doubted she’d understand a word of the Doctor’s explanation, but Jackie needed to ask for Rose’s sake, and for the Doctor’s. Perhaps if he spoke out loud about it, he’d remember some detail he was overlooking while worried about Rose.

The Doctor was silent for a moment, “I don’t know how long Rose has been gone for you…” He said, “But it’s only been…less that fifteen minutes total since she arrived with the TARDIS.”

“It’s been weeks now.” Jackie informed him.

The Doctor nodded, “I wasn’t exactly putting in proper coordinates, as long as we arrived in a time I could get your help…” He trailed off and continued his explanation, “When you opened the heart of the TARDIS, Rose absorbed the Time Vortex, it’s a power source of sorts, encompassing all of time and space, by absorbing it Rose became…”

“Became what, Doctor?” Mickey asked.

“Bad Wolf…” He replied, and started to explain the mysterious and continuous appearance of the two words, as if following them across time and space, how neither he nor Rose had given it much thought until fairly recently.

That was the part the Jackie understood, but as the Doctor explainedsomething about Rose being part of something he called  a 'looped ontological Paradox', absorbing the Time Vortex and sending the words out herself, as a message to lead her back to the Doctor, she became confused. “But how could Rose have become this Bad Wolf and sent the words out so that she would look into the Time Vortex? What would have inspired her to look and put them out to begin with if not the words? There had to have been a first time.”

She expected the Doctor to get angry, or at least annoyed or maybe just laugh at the poor stupid apes that didn’t understand, but the Doctor simply looked at Rose. He had one hand to his face, knuckle brushing his lip as if he were going to gnaw on it, “No, there doesn’t.” He said calmly, “It’s a paradox, Jackie, a self contradicting impossibility. Not even the Gallifreyan High Council would be able to explain it.”

“Gallifreyan?” Mickey quirked an eyebrow.

Again the Doctor was silent for a moment, this time biting his lower lip and flexing his fingers, “Me" He clarified, “I’m Gallifreyan.” He didn’t seem to want to say anything more than that, however.

And both Jackie and Mickey were quickly out of questions. They sat in silence around Rose’s bed for a long time, with no change. Soon enough, however, the two humans remembered that the world still turned, even with Rose in the state she was in. Mickey needed to get back to his own flat, and Jackie had to go back to the street and see if her bags happened to be still there and undisturbed. 

She doubted it.

Mickey walked with her to pick them back up. They were moved, and she found only one item- a pocket watch- missing. It had been what she planned to give Rose, set to London’s time so that Rose would always remember that they were waiting for her back home. Jackie frowned, that was the most expensive thing she bought this year, and she wouldn’t be able to afford a replacement.

The two humans parted ways at the corner, “Call me if there’s any improvement.” Mickey said.

“I will.” Jackie promised, “I’ll call you immediately.”

Within a few minutes she was returning to her flat, Jackie found the Doctor exactly as she’d left him. Still watching over Rose with the same worried expression, knuckle still at his lips and his free hand twirling his screwdriver around like he was resisting the urge to scan Rose’s condition again. Jackie stood in the doorway for several minutes, but the Doctor never acknowledged her return.

She started to get hungry and began working on dinner. Jackie was not in the mood to cook so she put in a microwave dinner, and then as a added thought, heated up a second one for the Doctor. She still wasn’t sure what he ate, but surely he had to eat something. 

Finally she came back in and sat down at the chair she’d occupied earlier. The Doctor still hadn’t moved.He also still didn’t acknowledge her until Jackie spoke to get his attention. “I’ve heated up some dinner.” She announced.

It seemed to take the Doctor a minute to realize Jackie meant that she made some for him as well. He shook his head and turned his attention back to Rose, “No, thank you.” He said simply.

“Come on, now, Doctor.” Jackie told him, “It won’t do Rose any good if you don’t take care of yourself while waiting for her to get better.”

“I’m fine.” He replied quietly, “I’m not human, Jackie. I don’t need to eat, or sleep. Not as often as you lot, at least.”

“Doctor.” Jackie said, a little more sternly, “I’ve heated up some dinner. Would you please eat it?”

More than anything, Jackie just wanted the Doctor out of Rose’s room. The waiting was making her nervous, like watching a pot boil, maybe Rose would recover when they weren’t looking. It was probably just a silly human superstition, but it would put Jackie at ease if she didn’t have to see that look on the Doctor’s face, just a few minutes of distraction.

The Doctor seemed to acknowledge this and finally nodded his head. “Alright.” He said and stood up, but not without brushing Rose’s face again. There was no hair to be brushed out of the way, but the Doctor was quick to say “Still no fever.” As if that were some kind of cover, he wasn’t touching her long enough to notice if there was a fever.

That was an affectionate stroke.

Jackie led the Doctor out and turned on the telly to watch a little crime mystery while they ate. The Doctor figured out the killer long before the show was over, and barely touched the mashed potatoes and beef until Jackie reminded him she wanted him to eat. “So..” Jackie said, “You said that if it’d been you that absorbed that Vortex thing, you’d be dead?” 

She was still hoping that if they talked about what happened to Rose, the Doctor would have some kind of epiphany about her condition. The Doctor nodded, “The Time Vortex is unlimited power, having it in your head gives you the that same unlimited power, but only for a few minutes, then it’ll burn you up. Not even a Time Lord can resist it.”

That was only a little different than what he’d told her before, Jackie tried to press for more information- anything that could help her daughter, “So it’s happened before? You’ve seen it?”

“Not personally, but I’ve heard of it. They used to say that a Time Lord that looked into the Time Vortex would momentarily become a vengeful God, with power over time and space until it destroyed them within minutes.”

“Why?” Jackie asked, “Why is it so deadly?”

“It just too much power, even for us.” The Doctor explained, “If Rose hadn’t let go of it when she did it would have caused every cell in her body to die, like radiation poisoning. I’ve been monitoring her condition and her body is fine… That means that her mind is probably what’s in trouble.”

He started to sit up straighter, Jackie did the same as she realized that talking about it was working, the Doctor was starting to figure it out. “What about her mind?” She asked.

“Since it didn’t kill her, all of time and space running through her head, Rose’s mind is simply be lost within herself.” He started to smile, relaxing slightly as he concluded. His expression dropped again, “But I don’t know how long it will take her to find her way back. And she’s human so her body won’t last long without her mind functioning right.”

His eyes darted back to Rose’s bedroom, and his mouth twitched. Clearly he had an idea, but was now hesitating for some reason. Jackie reached over and touched his arm, ““Isn’t there anything you can do Doctor?” She begged, Rose’s life was at stake, surely this alien with his superior knowledge and technology had some way to help. “She’s my daughter!”

“Yes… There’s one last thing I can try ” The Doctor replied slowly, “…but you’re not going to like it…” 

Jackie’s stomach flipped with dread, but she squeezed his arm. If it brought Rose back to her, she thought she’d let the Doctor do anything, but his comment unnerved her. “What is it?”

“Gallifreyans were a telepathic species.” He explained, “When something like this happened all we’d need to do is enter a shared dream state and lead the lost one out.”

“But…?” Jackie felt her stomach knotting even tighter.

“But humans aren’t telepathic.” Jackie wanted to hit him for giving her false hope when he continued, “There’s only one way for me and Rose to establish a shared dream state.”

“Do it.” She told him, standing up, ready to make whatever preparations he needed..

“You don’t even know what I need to do.” 

Jackie through her hands in the air, “For god’s sake, Doctor! What is it? What’s so dangerous!?”

The Doctor frowned, “Well, for starters, I could end up lost in Rose’s mind too and we’d both be trapped there. But that’s not the part you’re not going to like.” He said, and took a deep breath, steadying himself for whatever he was about to tell her, “For a telepath and a non telepath to enter a shared dream state we need skin-to-skin contact…the more the better.”

Jackie stared at him with her jaw dropped for a moment, waiting for him to say he was just pulling her leg. When he didn’t, she started to get angry. “You…” She started to growl, “You want to sleep… with my daughter…naked?”

“Jackie Tyler.” The Doctor stood up, “Your daughter is the way she is now because she crossed time and space doing the impossible to save me. If there were any other way to help her, I would have done it already.”

She wanted to slap him so hard he was sent back in time- or forward in time- or whatever. She very nearly did, but Jackie also didn’t doubt him, if there was any other way to save Rose, this man would do it in a heartbeat. It still bothered her that he didn’t object to wanting to. 

Jackie had one last question for the Doctor and she supposed when the measures were this kind of desperate, it was the only question that mattered. "Do you love her?" She asked.

The Doctor was startled by the question and he swallowed nervously, as if he feared there was no correct answer to that question. In a way there wasn't, Jackie was sure to have his head if he said yes, and to hound him about 'why not?' until he couldn't take it any more. The best way to answer was with the truth, "'Til the end of time." Technically this was a yes, but it remained vague enough to pass under her radar, as he could always say he meant it platonically.

They both knew it was romantically.

“Do it. Before I change my mind.” She relented, though her tongue felt like lead as she did.

He stood there a moment longer in silence before he nodded again, “Just…Make sure we’re not disrupted,” He said, “Shared dream states are fragile enough between two Gallifreyans.”

And with that he was off to Rose’s room. Jackie felt sick to her stomach, and against her better judgement started after him. “I’m warning you, though Doctor, any unnecessary touching and I’ll take those hands off of you.”

The Doctor pulled the blankets away from Rose, “If it makes you feel any better, Jackie, we don’t need to be naked,” He said, as he started to shrug off his jacket, “I said the more skin contact the better, but if you’d be more comfortable-”

“For god’s sake, just get you both under the covers and get this over with!” Jackie hissed and helped pull Rose’s clothes off, making herself feel even more sick as her daughter laid unconscious in her naught but her knickers while the Doctor pulled the blankets over them before taking off the rest of his clothes. Was he even wearing drawers?

After that came the uncomfortable manner of positioning so that they had the most skin contact possible. Jackie wasn’t sure if she was more uncomfortable watching or if the Doctor was more uncomfortable being watched. Finally after a few minutes of shifting, turning and curling their arms together the Doctor was resting on his back with Rose sprawled half on him with her arms draped over his chest and his around her. Jackie couldn’t be sure with the blankets over them, but she was sure the Doctor had their legs entwined too. Again, was he wearing drawers?

“How long does it take for you to fall asleep?” Jackie asked, trying to take her mind off their state of undress and focus on this shared dream solution. It wasn’t working. 

“Quicker if you don’t talk.” The Doctor replied and shut his eyes, “Now remember, don’t let anyone or anything interrupt, I don’t know how long this will take…”

He didn’t speak again, Jackie stood over them getting more and more uncomfortable as she looked on. The longer she was there the more she wasn’t sure she believed the Doctor’s telepathy story or if this was just some ploy to touch Rose. Jackie shivered and forced herself out of the room, and shut the door as quietly as possible. For Rose’s sake she had to trust him…For Rose’s sake…

The Doctor relaxed immensely once Jackie left the room. It was hard to fall asleep when he was wondering if Rose’s mother was really going to let him do this or if she was going to smother him while his guard was down. The worry remained, even when the door closed, but at least she wasn’t an immediate threat. That and it felt way less creepy when he wasn’t being watched.

After that it didn’t take long at all for him to begin drifting off. He’d told the truth earlier, that his species didn’t need to eat or sleep as often as humans did, and while he could still go several more days, maybe a full week before he needed to sleep  the Doctor could use a little time to recharge.

The dream started like he was walking. Walking through the Time Vortex instead of flying the TARDIS. The edges of his vision were black, not quite fully asleep yet, but he risked calling out, Gallifreyans had excellent mental control, he doubted he’d accidentally wake himself up. “Rose? Rose? Where are you?”

A loud shout in the dream world was nothing more than a breathy whisper in the waking world. And if Jackie were still in the room to hear, it would have been several agonizingly long seconds before there was a soft reply “I’m here.”

Back in the dream, those long seconds passed much quicker. No sooner than he had called out, the Doctor heard Rose’s voice, right in his ear as if she were standing right next to him. Before he could turn to look, however, the Doctor found himself falling through the Vortex, out of it, passed stars and planets. Light above him started to vanish as he slipped further and further into oblivion.

Blackness.

A soft sound beckoned him back, like the winding of a clock. He opened his eyes, not to Rose’s bedroom, but to a more familiar sight. The Doctor’s hearts ached to recognize the tattered ruined barn that had once been his childhood home. Funny, nine hundred years old and the sight of this place still stirred a such a boyish joy in him, even when he felt like it had been so much longer since he’d been a child.

And that, was largely due to the Time War…

The joy of seeing this old barn drained out of the Doctor when he realized that the barn was not truly the place of his childhood, but rather a more recent memory. A terrible memory. This was the place…and the time…

The soft whirring sound hit his ears again, this time a voice accompanied it, “This is where you did it.”

The Doctor twisted around and saw her. Rose was there, thank goodness he didn’t have to dive too deep into dreams to find her. Yet, even the joy of finding her so quickly was snuffed out when he saw how she was seated, back straight, legs apart and elbows on her knees, on top of a small box decorated with Circular Galifreyan warnings.

He knew that box far too well.

Immediately the Doctor was on his feet, rushing to pull Rose away from it, “Don’t sit on that!” He gasped, as he yanked her to her feet and stared at the box in horror.

“Why not?” Rose asked.

He pulled her closer to him as if to protect her from it, “Because it’s not a chair! It’s the most dangerous weapon in the universe.” He might have elaborated, Rose had a certain charm about her that loosened his tongue about his dark secrets when they were in the right time and place.

But an odd sense of Deja Vu suddenly had him blinking. Wait…why did this feel so familiar? Not the barn, and not the weapon, but that exchange. He turned to Rose in confusion, and noticed something was very odd about her as well. 

“Why can’t it be both?” She asked. It was very definitely Rose he was talking to, he knew those eyes, he knew those lips, but there was something about her that was very definitely different. She looked older, not Jackie’s age by any means, but older than nineteen, that was for certain.

Golden light flashed in her eyes, and the Doctor knew what he was looking at. She'd called herself the Bad Wolf when she absorbed the Time Vortex, but the entity Rose had become was a young one, an inexperienced one that had accidentally made her friend into an immortal fixed point when bringing him back to life. Here she was again; the Bad Wolf, thorugh only a few hours of sleep, now fully matured into one of the most powerful beings in the universe. Did she still have a piece of the Time Vortex in her mind?

Instead of answering her question about the box, the Doctor shook his head, “I came to get you.” he told her.

“I know. I’ve been waiting for you.” She replied, “I want to show you something.” The Doctor started to object, wanting to take her back to the real world immediately, but she pressed a finger to his lips and her eyes flashed with gold again.

Rose pulled away from him, opened the barn door with a mere glance, and beyond it was not the wastes of a war torn Gallifrey as the Doctor expected, but a thick blackness that Rose stepped into with no fear. He approached the doorway after her, Rose had vanished into the depths of the nothingness beyond, deeper into dreams, invisible beyond it. Curiosly he reached forward, and that was when he noticed that he was no longer the Doctor that he thought he was. 

He knew this hand, this had had belong to him, the Regeneration previous to this one. He found himself shuttering, he tried so hard not to think of this man as the Doctor, it was a coping mechanism he hoped one day he would be recovered enough to stop using, but for now it made the pain just bearable to distance this form from his identity as the Doctor. How long had he been like this? He was certain that he had been in the incarnation Rose knew when they spoke, she wouldn't have recognized him otherwise...

Of course, with the power of the Vortex that was still in her head, it was possible that she knew more than she let on. Far more.

He put his hand into the blackness beyond the barn, there was an odd sensation of touching something that was somewhere between a solid and a liquid. Like sticking his hand in pudding, the Doctor noticed how the blackness ate all visibility and stuck his arm further in. Rose had gone in, he had to go after her.

He stepped through, a chill went through him with every step. Odd, from the outside the blackness seemed to be complete, taking all of him into it's depths, but inside it, he could see himself perfectly. And Rose too. She was waiting for him on the otherside, both of them perfectly visible in the black.

"What is this place?" The Doctor asked, his voice carried around them, but he heard no echo.

"This is the universe." Rose replied, "Or at least it's what would be left if you hadn't ended the Time War."

She reached up and stroked his face, a sorrowful look graced her features. The Doctor felt his knees weaken at her touch. He felt as empty as the space around him, "Why show me this?"

She didn't answer, her eyes flashed again and dots of light started to fill the blackness around them. He saw the outlines of shapes around them, and soon they were standing on a beach together. The scent of salt air stung his nostrils. It was an Earth beach, he was certain of that, but the night sky above them was not Earth's. He knew those constellations better than any across time and space. That was Gallifrey's sky.

The Doctor was puzzled, but the question on his tongue was silenced by the arrival of Rose's lips against his. He whimpered into the kiss, realizing for the first time just how much he needed it. The Time Lord had long been aware of his growing feeling for Rose, but had always kept them back. He knew in the end that Rose would only be part of his life for a brief span of it, either she'd leave on her own terms, be killed on their adventures, or worse grow old and expire before his eyes. Those thoughts of losing Rose had always kept him at bay, thinking that if he didn't allow himself to get too attached, then maybe it wouldn't hurt as much when she was gone.

But now...

Rose kissed him and he couldn't contain those feelings any more. He returned the kiss with a feverish passion that blew like a storm. He wrapped his arms around her and tugged her closer to him, breaking the kiss only to suck in a quick breath and kiss her again. He only broke away when he realized his form was still that of the age Warrior who had killed so many.

The universe was worth it, he had known that when he used the Moment, and he was willing to pay the price of survivial...Or at least that was what he told himself. The Doctor began to weep, "I killed them all, Rose...They're gone..."

"I know." She said, and kissed his cheek, "I know."

"I don't want to loose you too." Tears were freely falling from his eyes now, he felt a stinging sensation across his skin, through blurry eye he recognized the glow of regeneration- or degeneration, perhaps, as the Doctor found he was back to his eighth incarnation now.  This body had a lot of fond memories from before the war, yet now he looked at his hands as if they belonged to a traitor. This was the man who had given up being a doctor to be a warrior and he couldn't quite bring himself to...well, forgive himself for that choice.  Yet at the same time he couldn't blame himself, either.

She was right to show him the empty universe, the non existance that would have been. In his hearts he always knew that he'd done the right thing, all of creation was worth more than his people, and certainly worth more than the Daleks.

"That's not why I showed it to you, Doctor." She said, taking him by surprise. Rose didn't bother with an explaination, hell, with the power she had, the Doctor shouldn't be surprised that the Bad Wolf could read his mind. "Look around you."

They had changed places again, the sky above them was Earth's now, but they weren't on a beach anymore. They weren't even on the planet. He recognized this place, it was Satalite Five, only now things seemed to be right. He could see it, this was the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire as it should have been.

"Time is always in a state of flux." Rose whispered, "You taught me that. Second by second someone somewhere does something that changes the world, that changes history, and all of time and space. It's happening now, here with you and me."

The Doctor could see that too. Timelines swirled in his head, he saw time spliting up like the atoms of the Daleks that the Bad Wolf destroyed. In one universe, she arrived too late, the Doctor was dead and while she had enough time to wipe out the Daleks she could not release the power in time and burned. In another she saved his life, but at the cost of hers. Similarily, the Doctor saved her with a kiss to remove the Time Vortex, but the act of doing so cost him this regeneration. The Doctor almost longed to be in that universe, he could feel that Doctor's feelings, so sad to be going so soon, but also swelling with joy because he knew that Rose would live and Regenerated to his next form with a smile on his face.

Fantastic.

Fresh tears dripped down his face.

"These are just dreams." He said, "We can go back and see days long passed, but once we do we can't go back to them again. What we see and what we do, that's it, unless we want the Reapers to come back."

"Maybe that's true." Rose replied, "And maybe it isn't. Who says that our reality is the only one that matters?"

The Doctor reached up to brush his hair back, only to find the familiar feel of the buzzcut from his Ninth incarnation as the Doctor. The timelines swirled in his vision, showing him more images of things that might have been. Rose saving her father, but destorying the universe. Jamie infecting all of humanity with his nanogenes while looking for his mother. Gwenyth being too afraid to help the Gelf and joining them on the TARDIS instead.

"There's so many."

The Doctor wasn't even sure if it was Rose or himself that had spoken.

"And only one where we remain together." Rose said, her eyes were flashing gold again, "And every second we get further and further from that future." Now she was the one that was crying, but it wasn't a desperate sob. She had a smile on her face too, like she was witnessing a miracle.

He knew what she meant, he'd caught a glimpse of this future himself a few times while reading the time lines. All the things that had to happen, and to not happen to ensure they stayed together forever was near impossible, even for a Time Lord, there were too many things that they couldn't control. The choice to turn right instead of left could lead Rose into the jaws of a monster, an manufactoring error on a year old vehicle meant that the breaks wouldn't work when a random motorist tried to stop as Jackie crossed the street, killing Rose before she was even born, a fearless captain drives his ship into a meteor to stop it from destroying the Earth, but the debris from the accident still wipe out a massive percent of the population.

"Does it drive you mad?"

"Yes, it does."

They were kissing again, this time they were naked together on Rose's pink bed from the Tyler flat on Powell Estate. No, they weren't awake yet, the Doctor knew their undergarments had been left on for decency's sake, but more imporantly, the bed was Rose's but the room around them wasn't a room. It was his barn on Gallifry again.

Her power was incredible.

"Have you figured it out yet, Doctor?" Rose asked, a tiny half smile played at the corner of her mouth.

He nodded and kissed her neck, "The reason you survived absorbing the Time Vortex is because you've never been quite human. At least not human as I understand them to be. You've always been a self created paradox, you willed yourself into being so that one day you would create yourself, the first and only one of your kind."

"Something like that." Rose replied, that half smile grew into a playful smirk. There were deeper mechniacs at work than even the Doctor could comprehend, but if Rose understood the nature of her own existence then perhaps he need not even worry about trying to understand himself.

The Bad Wolf, Rose Tyler, both were one and the same.

"I have other names, too." She added, "And you already know one of them."

The Doctor swallowed hard, this was the part that was most difficult for him to face but part of him had known as soon as he saw her in the barn the first time, "You're the Moment." The Doctor said, "The weapon that I used to destory Gallifrey. I remember you now, at least, flashes of you." He wondered why  he didn't remember her in full. Rose was quick to answer this unasked question

"I've sealed off your memories." She said and looked away sadly, "I want you to remember, I do. I hate seeing you suffer this way, but you were right, if the Time War had gone on the whole of creation would have been at stake."

The Doctor's hands started to tremble, he felt like a monster, he wiped out two species- his own people to end a war and even used a woman he didn't even know he loved to do it. He felt like he had violated Rose somehow, even if he hadn't known who she was...But at the same time, something didn't make sense, well even less sense than a paradox that existed in all time and all space.

The first time he had seen Rose Tyler, not even knowing who she was, he'd felt insinctively drawn to her, almost like he had known her for years. If it were true that she was the Moment, wouldn't and imprinted memories of her have left him feeling terrible for all the things he had done, shouldn't he have been repulsed by her?

Suddenly the Doctor felt her hands enfold over his, cupping them in her gentle touch. "I told you. I sealed off those memories. I didn't tell you why." She smiled at him and craned her neck to kiss his cheek, "That was the day it was impossible to get it right, and there's no shame in that. But what is a paradox, but a way to make the impossible possible?"

"What do you mean?" 

She was biting her lower lip, and pulled his hands up to her breast so he could feel her heart beating beneath the skin. For a brief second, he fooled himself into thinking she had two hearts, but was quick to correct himself, it was still a single heart but it beat twice as fast as a normal human's. A different sort of alien.

"Time is in flux. Nothing is what even you think it is." She answered, "And when you're ready to see what really happened that day, I will show you."

"Rose?"

He blinked, the barn was back to normalm the bed was gone, and both of them were clothed. Rose sat on the Moment.

This dream was bouncing around like crazy, the Doctor inwardly scolded himself. They needed to get out of here and back to the real world or Jackie would never let him live it down. Rose shifted her seat, and the box beneath her groaned with the clockwork inside it. The most deadly weapon in the universe, and also the woman he cared about most.

"I'm ready to go home now." Rose announced, "Are you, Doctor?"

She must already know the answer, but he held his hand out inviting her to stand and take it, "Come with me." He whispered.

Rose's delicate hand slipped into his, he hadn't even see her stand up and cross the barn, she was simply there, taking his hand. "What a pair we make." Rose mused, entwining her fingers into his long calloused ones. "One paradox is odd enough, but two...My, how the universe likes to throw the oddities at each other."

He quirked an eybrow, "Two?" he repeated.

She squeezed his hand, "A great man from another world who was inspired by the best of humanity." Rose replied, "But who inspired the best of humanity, eh, Doctor?"

In a flash he was opening his eyes. The Doctor blinked a few times, waiting to see if the scenery around him changed to reveal they were still in the dream. The sun had risen, they must have slept through the whole night. Rose looked back at him from across the pillow, aged back to her normal nineteen year old self. A slight glimmer in her eyes was the only indication that anything was out of the ordinary. Well, that and the fact that their largely naked bodies were entwined together with Jackie moving around in the other room.

The events of the dream were fading from the Doctor's mind, whether because of the usual failure to remember dreams or because Rose was once again sealing away his memories of the encounter. He found himself unable to keep from smiling. His Rose was safe, was there any better reason to smile?

"So what happens now?" He asked, it felt a little odd to be the one that asked, but it was up to her, really. It always was. "Rose Tyler I-"

She raised a finger to his lips, smiling back at him, "It doesn't need saying." She told him, winking like she'd made a joke he didn't get. She shifted her postion on the bed, crawling further on top of him, "I'm part of the Time Vortex. Always was. Always will be. Like Gwenyth and the Rift in 1969. What happens now is that we go on. Do as you always do, be a Doctor and touch your healing to the hurt."

Rose's hand lifted from his chest to stroke his face, "I cannot keep my power confined to one body, that would rip it apart so I splintered it across time and space. Pieces of me are scattered everywhere, some in places you know, places you've yet to know and places you will never reach." She explained to him, "But remember, even if we are divided by whatever reality throws at us, that I will be there for you when you need me, even if you don't know it's me."

"Like the Moment?" The Doctor asked.

She nodded, "And in small things you wouldn't think twice about, but all the same they give you hope."

The Doctor swallowed hard, he appreciated the gesture, more than Rose would ever know (Or perhaps she would, with her power anything was possible) but he did not want to think he'd ever need them. He never wanted to think about life without her by his side. Losing companions was nothing new, but Rose wasn't just any companion.

There was a slim chance, out of countless possibilites and endless chains pulling them through time, there was a single line that kept them together. The Doctor would do whatever he could to stay on that line.

"I suppose we should get dressed and tell your mum you're safe." The Doctor said, starting to pull the blankets off to do that. He got as far as sitting upright when Rose lifted her head and kissed him, which froze the Time Lord in place. He remembered they'd kissed in their shared dream state, it had brought him to tears because he wanted it so much, needed her so much. It was different here in the waking world.

It was better.

If he could spend his life in one moment for all eternity, it would be this one. Rose's lips were soft and sweet from chapstick, the taste of her mouth had a slight saltiness to it, lingering flavor from chips, no doubt. And so human, so very human. None of that poetic nonsense about tasting like stardust and fire. Just a normal, human girl, nineteen years old and in love. The most wonderful thing in the universe.

The Doctor wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer for a brief moment, she pushed him back, kissing him deeper. The move was a mistake, as the Doctor, focusing all his attention on her, lost his balance and fell back against the bed frame. The fall broke their contact as he hit his head on the frame and uttered a small shout of surprise that did not go unnoticed by Jackie.

Rose had just climbed off him and the Doctor regained his senses enough to be rubbing the back of his head when the door burst open. "Is everything alright Doctor? Did you manage t-" She stopped midsentance when she saw her daughter sitting upright in her sheets, grabbing her shirt from the  foot of the bed. "It worked!" She gasped, tears threatening.

Rose smiled, "It worked." She assured her mother and quickly slid her shirt back on while the Doctor flung himself off the bed to redress himself. To Jackie's relief, he was in fact wearing drawers and put his clothes on as quickly as possible, while Jackie took his place on the bed, hugging her daughter tightly.

"Oh my god sweetheart! I was terrified when that box disappeared! I thought I was never going to see you again!" Jackie sobbed. Rose patted her mother's back assuring her that she was alright, "And when the Doctor brought you back the way he did! I've never been so scared in my life!"

"It's alright mum. I'm alright. I'm always going to be alright." She said, and over Jackie's shoulder she looked to the Doctor, a wolfish smile on her face. Gold light flashed in her eyes for a second. The Doctor's smile faltered a little bit. Rose had said the power of the Bad Wolf was too much to contain in a single living body, but it hadn't occured to him that she would still have it when they were out of the dream. How much power had she kept for this body?

His smile brightened again when he realized he really didn't care. Rose was alive, and safe, and the rest of that could wait.

"I was just getting started on breakfast. " Jackie said, "It'd be no trouble at all to add a few more eggs and bacon to the pan. You hungry, sweetheart?"

"Very." Rose answered. "Let me get dressed, I'll help."

"Oh...Well, I suppose I should say, no you need to rest, but you two have been out for three days. Any more rest and you might not wake up at all." Jackie informed them, and turned to the Doctor, "How 'bout you? You joining us?"

"Sure, why not? I'm sure one breakfast with Jackie Tyler won't end the universe." The Doctor surprised himself with how much he wasn't objecting to the idea of staying for breakfast. Lord knew he wasn't getting involved with domestics, but right now he didn't want to be away from Rose and if Rose was having breakfast with Jackie he certainly could put up with that for a while. "What do you mean three days...?"