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fictionalarsonist · 5 years

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4 yoonkook 🥺

「 HEARTACHE」

pairing ›_ yoonkook (mentions of sope)content ›_angst ; some fluff ; underage drinking ; mild languagerating ›_pgword count ›_4.1k

―

premise ›_Jungkook’s a problematic brat who falls in love for his brother’s best friend. › One-liners Inspired Drabbles ― #4.“I’m not drunk, I s-swear.”credit ›_ thanks a lot to @chimknj for beta-reading this. 💖

a/n ›_ I’m still working on controlling myself when it comes to writing less, but I hope you’ll enjoy it anon!

「 ao3 | masterlist 」

[ heartache | part 2 | epilogue ]

Jungkook‘s sitting on the couch snacking on his mother’s cookies, he’s not into desserts that much, but these he would never refuse. He hears a car pulling up thedriveway.

“Your brother’s here!” His mother said, all happy and cheerful. Rushing to see Hoseok walking in.

Jungkook only heard Hoseok most probably be greeted with a rib-crushing hug just like he was and their exchanged greetings. He didn’t mind any of it, only tossing another snack in his mouth and leaning his arms on the backrest.

“Yoongi! You made it!”

Jungkook froze where he was. Barely remembering to swallow, crumbs from the cookie got stuck on the way to the wrong pipe and he coughed violently.

Yoongi’s here?

“Sorry for bothering.” Jungkook heard Yoongi’s voice coming from the hallway, he’d recognize Yoongi’s voice anywhere.

Jungkook felt his heart slam against his chest before sliding right up his throat, trying to punch its way out. Everything became fuzzy and hazy as all these things, these feelings came rushing, hitting him like a tidal wave. People say that two of the strongest senses related to memory are smell and hearing.

Just by Yoongi’s voice, Jungkook could recall so many of those memories, most of them he’s mortified to even think happened. He couldn’t even hear what his mom was saying or what words came out of his father’s mouth as he smiled, bringing a bottle of beer to the living room. Hoseok walked in, throwing his luggage at the corner before opening his arms and giving him a smug smile.

“Little brother! Won’t you give me a hug?” Hoseok followed Jungkook with his eyes as Jungkook jolts to his feet and storms out the backdoor, absentmindedly grabbing his keys and wallet, ”I brought you a gift, at least take a look at it- Where are you going?”

“Jungkook!” He hears his mother calling, but he’s out the door and hastily driving away the very next moment without so much as a second glance at the house.

How long does a friendship between best-friends last? Because Jungkook thought that maybe by now… Well, this feels dumb. This feels really dumb, but he just wished he’d never see Yoongi again. He doesn’t want to remember when he used to chase his brother around. Not because he thought his brother was cool or looked up at him; he stopped thinking that when he was, what? Six- No, seven years old. Hoseok’s always been too weird and overly optimistic to be considered cool. It was because of Yoongi.

It was Yoongi whom Jungkook liked best, it was him Jungkook considered cool and looked up to. He liked everything about his brother’s best friend and he never understood how they could be best friends. Yoongi has always been chill, sometimes a little too problematic with that mouth of his.The only thing about Yoongi that has never been cool was the way he was always too tired to do any of the cool stuff Jungkook thought he should try. Like skating, for example. Jungkook pestered Yoongi, but the only reply he’d get was Yoongi whining: “My bones are too weak,” with a hint of irritation in his voice. “I’m tired. Try it yourself!” That kind of hurt the youngster Jungkook.

Jungkook did learn it though. He came out pretty good at it, but it was Hoseok who praised him. Yoongi didn’t even see it. Not a single glance. No matter how much he tried to get close to Yoongi, he was always pushed away, literally. When Yoongi came to fetch Hoseok and Jungkook tried tagging along, Yoongi would push him by his forehead.

“Go home!” Yoongi complained, “Just play with kids your age.”

Being a kid was very pathetic, though. Just following his brother blindly just so he could see Yoongi. Of course, Hoseok would get pissed too. He’d listen attentively when his brother would try sneaking out at night and try to follow, oftentimes being brought back with scrapes and bruises because he fell as he tried following his brother, knowing he’d meet Yoongi.

Also, there’s this one time when he fell from the tree when they rebuilt the house and had to be rushed to the hospital. Hoseok was grounded for the rest of the summer, which meant Yoongi had to come over to see his best friend. Jungkook could hear his voice from his room, so instead of playing outside or the living room, he stayed in his bedroom.

Even in his teens, he found himself now and again searching for Yoongi. Often times when he was with his friends and saw Yoongi - just by chance, it’s not like he’s been hanging out in a place he knew Yoongi would be. He’d pretend not to look and, sometimes, get in trouble so Yoongi would come rushing with Hoseok. He’d pull him aside and scream at his face. For that moment, it felt like he cared.

Jungkook never grasped what he felt for Yoongi, though. Not until this one night when he was bored in his room and frustrated because his stupid girlfriend didn’t understand him. He didn’t understand why everyone seemed happy with a relationship. All his friends were fine with what they had, but not him. He was bored and tired of trying to think about it, so he followed Hoseok.

By now Jungkook has become pretty good at sneaking around and Hoseok didn’t even notice he was there. Jungkook sat at a distance, planning on approaching later just to provoke them. Jungkook watched his brother talking in a reminiscing manner with Yoongi. They talked about their lives and this turning point when they’ll be off to college. It’s something Jungkook already knew, but seeing Yoongi smiles and celebrate the fact that he’ll be two states away from him in less than a month caused a painful stir in Jungkook’s heart.

He might as well have poured a bucket of ice-cold water above his head. It made him shiver and lose his senses for a moment or two, too lost in his own feelings. It was like being swallowed by a black hole of sadness he never expected. Suddenly he wanted to walk up to Yoongi and tell him to stay; tell him to attend a college somewhere near instead of going so far away. It’s not like he didn’t know before. Hoseok, their parents and even Yoongi freely mentioned every now and then. But it’s different now that he can see how happy Yoongi seems to be.

Jungkook can’t think of a life without Yoongi to pester every now and then. It’d be different not seeing him in the living room, dozing off while Hoseok focuses on the homework they both were supposed to be doing. Yoongi’s harsh truths and problematic words; the way he’d nod his head dismissively to get Jungkook to do something. How he’ll call him “kid” in a way that seems to warm Jungkook’s heart. It always made Yoongi smile even when he retorted: “I’m not a kid anymore”, before walking away. There are too many things to miss and no one would fill them all.

Jungkook feels desperate. He has to say something. It was eating him inside and he had to tell Yoongi, he really didn’t know what it was, but if he told Hoseok to take a walk - which wouldn’t be easy - and looked Yoongi in the eyes, he’d figure it out. Jungkook moved to his knees from where he was seated, ready to stand up - still thinking of a way to get rid of Hoseok -, but… That’s when he saw it.

Hoseok pulled Yoongi by the nape of his neck and their lips crashed. Jungkook fell back, a breath caught painfully in his throat. Tears stung his eyes and his heart lurched painfully in his chest. Jungkook fisted his shirt as if it’d lessen the pain, but it didn’t help anything. He felt as though the wind had been knocked rom his chest.

His voice pushed his way through his throat and Jungkook had a very hard time keeping his lips shut. He did so by grinding his teeth so much so he felt one of them break. Yet he heard a strangled cry coming from his throat. He didn’t know if they heard it too, his eyes were overflowing with beads of tears falling one after another and as soon as Jungkook got any control of himself he bolted.

He spent the night crying and it didn’t matter how much he cried, the pain never wore it off. The scene kept replaying itself in his head. If he tried closing his yes, it became worse. It was like the end of the world. Jungkook never cried like that his life. He couldn’t stop. He tried not to make a sound, but they belted out of him painfully. He felt pathetic that he woke up his parents and they came to see him. He tried coming up with something, but, in the end, could only ask to be alone.

“It’s a heartbreak,” he heard his mother saying quietly as she closed the door.

“Maybe he broke up with his girlfriend,” his dad suggested not-so-quietly behind the closed door. Jungkook heard them walking away and curled himself into a ball under his blankets and cried more.

He couldn’t look at his brother after that. Above the perks of having a broken heart, refusing to eat and barely drinking anything, maybe a glass of water at times, Jungkook felt hurt. He couldn’t really understand this broken heart thing. It just hurts too much to not cry every now and then.

After spending some time tucked inside his house he finally went back to school, but he made sure to leave after Hoseok’s gone. He couldn’t look at his brother’s face. Seeing his face brought the memory back along with a few fresh tears. He avoided both his brother and Yoongi at school like he was running from the devil in the flesh.

Jungkook skipped school with his friends, going to different places; places he wouldn’t see Yoongi even if he looked for him and Jungkook knew he couldn’t even think about it. It became problematic. Jungkook started hanging out with new friends because the others wanted to stay on the team, while Jungkook wanted to drink. Jungkook didn’t give a rat’s ass about the stupid teams. He drank with his new friends, who felt the same way as him.

Whatever happened, Jungkook didn’t quite know, he was rather out of it. All he knows is that when he came to it Hoseok had gotten the worst from the fight. He hadn’t done it on purpose. He’d been walking along when those thugs came at him; Hoseok happened to be next to him and protected him. But Yoongi saw it, he always saw it. Jungkook came back to his senses when Yoongi threw him a punch across the face and shook him with a deadly grip on his shirt.

“Do you only care about yourself? Huh?” Yoongi screamed at him at this one time, panting. His face bright red and hot from all the fighting. The sound of the ambulance still loud as it drove away. “What if something happens to Hoseok? He’s your brother! He’s always covering your shit. Can’t you think of him too? Are you this fucking selfish? What if the worst happens?”

When he was pushed away and fell on his ass, Jungkook just stayed there. Guilty for what happened to his brother and heartbroken by Yoongi’s words. Because this time he really didn’t mean to.

And… After that, Yoongi disappeared. Jungkook didn’t know why and he didn’t care. He just looked out for his brother instead. Hoseok always smiled at him and told him it’s all good. Told him he did nothing wrong, but Yoongi words kept ringing in his ears, loud and clear. But, although Jungkook didn’t blame Hoseok anymore, he still didn’t want anything to do with Yoongi. Because he- well, he likes Yoongi. Not because Yoongi’s cool or whatever, no. Because he just liked Yoongi the way he was supposed to like his girlfriend.

When it came his turn to apply to college, Jungkook didn’t think twice about rejecting the college Hoseok attended at the time. He didn’t care if it was the best for his major. He didn’t want that game of possibly running from Yoongi again, even if Hoseok had said time and time again how big the campus is. He was too amazed by this as a freshman.

It has been Jungkook’s only hope to never meet Yoongi again. He avoided the topic when Hoseok mentioned him in passing until Hoseok never said a word about it again. Jungkook was careful of Hoseok’s social media. He saw Yoongi’s picture here and there with his brother and it hurt him because he knew. Until Yoongi wasn’t there anymore and Jungkook felt guilty for being relieved when he noticed that others filled in the gaps. He wished Yoongi wouldn’t be there anymore, he really did. As much as he wished to get over Yoongi, to forget him- and he thought he did, it’s pretty clear now.

It’s undeniable by the way his heart clenches painfully in his chest and tears sting the corner of his eyes. His only thought is to get far away. Jungkook didn’t know where, he just wanted to run away. Somewhere these feelings for Yoongi won’t exist. Somewhere that he doesn’t have to see his handsome face ever again.

He pulls over at a familiar place and as soon as he realizes where he laughs pathetically at himself, hitting his head on the steering wheel. It’s one of the places Hoseok and Yoongi used to hang out, one of the places Jungkook would conveniently show up earlier than them. Hands gripping the wheel Jungkook sat there staring through the windshield, looking nowhere in particular. Watching the time be wasted, praying to go by faster. Thinking of ways to escape, somewhere to go.

As the day turned into night, a sign lit up, calling Jungkook’s attention. He stared at the station’s sign for a moment or so before getting out of the car. Without giving a second thought he brought a pack of beers and a couple bottles of soju and brought back to his car. It’s an old habit that never dies. He opened the truck and sat there, popping open his first can of beer.

This will do. I won’t think about him if I drink some more.

Then there’s two, three beers and many mixes with soju. One bottle and a half bottles of soju later, Jungkook started feeling sick. His stomach churned and his head began spinning. He slumped back on his truck and his phone slipped from his pocket.

“OH! May-Maybe I should-,” he spoke, his words slurred as he struggled to pick the phone in his hand. “I should call my bro. I really lo-love my bro.” He laughed at himself as the phone kept slipping from his hand and knocked over the bottle of soju. “Ah, shit!” He tried wiping clean with his hands before focusing on the phone again.

He made a few mistakes before getting the number right, his phone smeared with soju. Jungkook didn’t notice much. It rang a couple of times before someone picked up. Jungkook hiccuped and stuttered before calling Hoseok’s name in his drunken haze, gleeful tone.

“I’m not drunk, I s-swear.”

“Jungkook? You sound hammered. Where are you?”

Jungkook can recognize this voice anywhere.

“No!” Jungkook whined, “Not you!” Yoongi called out his name and it hurt almost physically, “Call my hyung! I wa-want my hyu-hyung, Hoseok!” Jungkook felt those free-spirited tears again and gasped, almost choking on his own saliva.

“Jungkook-”

“Don’t call my name!” Jungkook exploded and the sound of his own voice, too loud, startled him. He dropped his phone and let himself fall back on the truck.

Jungkook’s conscious enough answer the phone when it rings again and Hoseok’s ID shows up. Then he’s suddenly out of it. It’s the voice of Yoongi that makes him open his eyes and he thinks all that drinking brought him one of his old dreams. One which Yoongi’s hovering over him like right now, but his arms seem to heavy to out them around Yoongi. Also, he can’t feel Yoongi’s hand on him either. It could be a new dream, then.

“Yah! Jungkook!” He hears Yoongi’s voice and the slaps on his face, not so strong. “Jungkook, wake up! C’mon. Hey!” Yoongi grabs Jungkook’s jaw, his fingers pressing the skin urgently, “Jungkook! Come to your fucking senses!”

Jungkook feels his stomach turning sickeningly and Yoongi’s fast to move him to his side and off the trunk just so he can throw up. It feels like he’s throwing up everything inside him, heavy tears spill from his eyes. His throat burns but he can’t stop it by himself. Not until he felt empty as a zombie would. Yoongi massages his back and tells him it’s okay, to let it all out. Yoongi says it’ll be okay, but Jungkook knows it won’t. He hates to hear Yoongi’s voice and he doesn’t want to come to his senses and look at Yoongi’s face. It’s bad enough feeling his hand massaging his back through his shirt. It’s bad enough how Yoongi sounds calm and understanding. Jungkook just wants him to go.

As soon as he’s all done, Yoongi pulls him up, slowly and lets Jungkook lean his weight in his body. It’s nice in Yoongi’s arms. Jungkook closes his eyes, dizzy and tired, but feeling more sober now. Jungkook feels Yoongi’s breath on his temple and Yoongi’s arm loosely around him.

“Go away.” Jungkook whines weakly, “I’m fine. So- just leave”

Jungkook feels Yoongi’s body moving as he chuckles.

“You’re saying you’re fine? Are you crazy? I’m sure you were close to an alcoholic coma and you say you’re fine? What were your plans exactly? Drive home after drinking all of these?”

“I don’t need your help. Just leave.”

“Jungkook! I don’t care if you hate me. I won’t leave you here by yourself while you’re like this~” Yoongi whines his complaint, “I’ll get you some water. You’ll drink it and then I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

“I don’t want your pity,” Jungkook says, voice painfully hoarse.

“Pity? You’re Hoseok’s little brother. I care about you. We’re-,” Yoongi hesitated. “We’re- kind of like-,” Jungkook tilted his head up because he’s always too curious to his own good. He couldn’t see all of Yoongi’s face because his neck would hurt if he tried tilting his head any further, but he saw Yoongi licks his lips and pulled on them nervously. Jungkook wished he could kiss Yoongi like he did many times in his dreams. “We’re like family.”

Family?

“So, Hoseok and you-,” Jungkook hesitates. He’s way too weak for his tears, but he holds on. He didn’t mean to speak out loud.

“What about Hoseok and me?” Yoongi asks in curiosity and tries to look at him, Jungkook looks back down. The movement is too fast and makes him dizzy. It takes him a moment to get himself together to talk.

“You and him are together.” Jungkook says, slowly pushing himself away with the energy he has left. He already feels like crap, this is getting worse.

“We’ve been friends since childhood. We’ve always been-”

Jungkook cuts Yoongi short, as harsh as Yoongi would. “That’s not what I mean.”

Jungkook doesn’t know what kind of expression he has, but despite still being in this hazy state of his, he sees Yoongi for the first time in years. It’s enough to let him know that this isn’t something that could die down like he wanted to. Yoongi’s there and Jungkook’s still in love with him. Yoongi looks more confident than he did back then. He looks mature and self-assured, but still his laid-back self.

Yoongi watches Jungkook lean back against the opposite side of the truck and sighs. “I- wish we wouldn’t talk about this now.”

“It’s okay. I’ve known for a long time now. You and my brother are together.”

Yoongi smirks and shakes his head. “You never change, do you? Me and Hoseok have always been friends, Jungkook. Nothing more than friends.”

Jungkook tries to show off his smug smirks, but it comes out too filled with bitter self-loathing. “I saw it. I saw you guys that night kissing in the park.”

“You still hold on to that? That kiss?”

Jungkook closes his eyes and takes a deep breath because he doesn’t want to cry and hearing Yoongi talking about it makes it all real. He always knew it was real, but he wished he could pretend it was a dream, buried deep inside his memories. He wanted to forget that moment and Yoongi being a part of it. That wouldn’t be too much to ask.

“If you gave me the chance to explain back then-”

“I don’t want you to!” He opens his eyes to see Yoongi and Jungkook thinks he seems something similar to hurt cross his eyes,.“I don’t want you to explain anything. I don’t want to hear anything. I wish I’d never see you again.”

“Jun-Jungkook-” Yoongi tries to call him.

“Stop calling my name. I hate when you call my name.” Jungkook closes his eyes again because he’s about to cry. Again.

He hears Yoongi’s strangled breath. “I don’t care how stubborn you are, Hoseok dragged my ass all the way here for this, Jungkook.”

Jungkook’s eyes fly open and despite feeling sick and hurt, despite getting worse as he pushes himself to sit up. The rage cursing through him makes it bearable and Jungkook knows he won’t be able to keep it for long, so he lets it burst out of his chest as it comes. “With all due respect, to my brother and to you. I don’t care about that kiss- or any kiss between you and him. I can’t be happy for you, so don’t expect me to be. If the two of you know as much as I think you do, you’ll understand why. Stop trying to patronize me, stop trying to explain. I know I’m a brat, okay? I know I’m selfish, so let me be-”

“—You think that’s what this is about?” Yoongi rage gets the best of him. Jungkook could see it bubbling underneath the surface. “Can’t you get over yourself for second and let me talk?”

Yoongi would go on, but Jungkook seems like he’s getting sick yet again, so he stops and leans back. A heavy silence falls over them as they stare at each other.

“Look-” Yoongi tries, careful, “Hoseok knew I liked him for a while.” Yoongi sees Jungkook closing his eyes and turning his head and taking a deep, stuttering breath through his mouth. “I thought I liked him until he kissed me that night.” Yoongi swallowed hard and Jungkook grimace at the words.

“I- I don’t wanna hear it-” Jungkook whines too weakly to cause any effect, already feeling his chest closing on itself. He tasted this kind of hurt before; he’s not willing to let it happen again.

“Jungkook, if you ever let me talk to you after that I’d tell you,” Yoongi insisted. “That was a mistake. I didn’t feel anything with that kiss and Hoseok knew it’d be like that. I might be smarter than him, but he knew better than me-” Yoongi attempted a half-smile with his failed humor. “He knew I was always looking for you. I dragged him everywhere to make sure you were safe wherever you were and-” Yoongi paused, the weight of his memories too heavy for him to say out loud. “Do you know how scared I was when I saw you getting beaten up by those thugs? How guilty I felt for what happened to Hoseok that day?”

“You felt guilty?” Jungkook asks, the tears he’s been holding behind his eyelids streamed down his face when he turned to look at Yoongi, “I was the one who caused all that.”

“I said that because I was angry at you. They could’ve killed you, Jungkook!” Yoongi said, exasperated. “I was the one who called Hoseok and told him to do something because he’s your brother. I didn’t want to be the one to do it because to me it’d be the same as admitting that I liked you and-” Yoongi licked his lips with a dark chuckle lightly moving his shoulder, “I thought I’d get over you if I disappeared. But- Fuck it! I liked you back then and I loved you when I left and Hoseok dragged my lazy ass across the country just so I would stop pining because-” Yoongi hesitated, his voice growing quieter, “I still love you.”

Yoongi seems to run out of breath because he’s panting and Jungkook’s too dumbfounded to do anything but sit there and stare at him.

part 2 ⇾

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