#their family is so beautoful

[avnasace]

was not expecting to cry over henren and their family today but honestly every episode centered around them makes me tear up so i shouldnt be suprised at this point sjfjsicjsjsj

[nomaishuttle]

its literally like the library of alexandria like if i dont start pirsting movies now my beautoful twins (who i might homeschool) will have No good movies to watch on family movie night. it would be catastrophic

[mayonneise]

wistful sigh. wish i coukd travel... i want to go to cool museums not in the city

[demonologistfucker]

Oh this day we say thank you to the Gacha gods for giving me sweet old man within the early welcome to the game pity zone

[stonerzelda]

u kno whats crazy inagine living in the 14/1500’s and your neighbor comes thru the mud hole window like Anne guess what some italian guy painted something awesome and youre like what no way and hes like yeah its a really big deal and you both never even know what the painting ever focking looks like so you get your cousin whose the stableboy of some rich people that travel to florence a lot and youre like listen can you find out what this painting looks like and hes like i just take care of the horses and youre like Tomas please and hes like okay fine and he talks to the rich daughter hes banging and shes like ok ill make it happen and three months later your cousin runs you over with a horse because his fuckbuddy married into the borgia family in order procure an opportunity to find said painting and youre like listen it was my neighbor first of all that started this and also you still havebt found out what the focking painting looks like and one night while youre recovering from your horse wounds a knock comes on the door and its your cousins fuckbuddy and shes like Anne I made you a drawing of the painting for you and you look at it and its a drawing of you and youre like Isabela what is this and shes like i never saw it but i heard it featured the most beautoful woman youve ever seen and i cant imagine that looking like anyone but you. And then you get married

[redacteded]

Me and my bf video chatted a bit 4 new years and WOOOOWWW HE IS A BEAUTIFUL MAAAAAAN HOLY. SHITTT

[imherethephantom]

My BEST friend had the MOST AMAZING WEDDING OF THE CENTURY EVERYTHING WAS BEAUTIFUL SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL THE FLOWERS WERE BEAUTOFUL THE BRIDESMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN is that how you spell that word it looks weird WE WERE BEAUTIFUL THEM PROFESSING THEIR LOVE AND MAKING VOWS WAS BEAUTOFUL THEIR FIRST DANCE WAS ICONIC THE PICTURES WERE LIT THE FAMILIES WERE SO FUN IT WAS RHE BEST WEDDING IVE BEEN TO I’ve supported them the second she told me about him and God I can only pray to have a love as amazing as theirs one day.

[joltron]

I saw in a recent post that u talked about how broganes is based on racist headcannons. Could u plz explain that, because I’ve never seen something wrong with it, but I don’t want to be ignorant to something that is racist. As someone who likes the very close friend dynamic between Shiro and Keith (you called it friends!sheith in the same post and that’s adorable) I would hate to use broganes to describe that and be seen as racist when I’m not.

of course thank u for asking!!

shiro and keith are essentially the only two East Asian characters in the show. Keiths ethnicity isn’t confirmed but he’s been Japanese in every other incarnation. Keiths last name of Kogane has never been referenced or confirmed by anyone in the context of VLD. Seeing the only two characters of a certain ethnicity and assuming they must be related is deeply rooted in racist insensitivity. POC of many ethnicities experience this all the time - going out friends of the same race and having (especially white) people assume they’re siblings. there’s an element of white supremacy in wanting to be able to think of races as one big broad-brush group of people that are all related and share the same life experiences. There are like 100 million Japanese people living in Japan alone let alone the rest of the world and yet I’ve literally seen someone say “but they’re both Japanese so this is a clue that they’re related.” yikes

“Br0ganes” comes from tinhatty headcanons that somehow because their last names, shirogane and kogane (which again, hasn’t been confirmed to be his last name) sound similar and so they must be related. Which is silly, you would never say that two white ppl named Henderson and Anderson must be related. But two asian characters? Must be brothers.

VLD is about found family, and young keith had no family left, and shiro came into his life and became his support and his family. he literally saved Keith from a very uncertain future, and that’s incredibly beautiful and the fact that they aren’t blood related doesn’t make that any less of an important bond.

Platonic sheith is completely and fully valid! Friendsheith is a lovely tag so please use it for any and all platonic sheith!!

also shirogane and kogane mean silver and gold how fukcign;; beautoful is that

[jihoonluvarchive]

Their music will never not be good. Also i'm so proud of all of them and what they achieved over the years. Having big beautoful families, becoming writers (when i saw that one of Tom's book was translated in romanian and it was in romanian libraries i was so so happy and proud ❤)

True!!! And yes!! They have all grown up so well !!! Like I never hear bad things about them. And it's just nice seeing them all grown up and happy 😭 omg i bet that was indeed a real proud moment 😭😭💗

[theday]

mx in sg: the experience

FHJGDGHSHGFGGHD as usual starting off with the keyboard smash anyway! ill be talking about my experience seeing mx live yesterday (3/3) second part is abt when mx were on stage but its quite dry bc i dont remember much

ill be going in chronological order so [jooheon voice] lets get it

i was gonna meet my friend (karissa) at 3:30 because we were going to meet the person selling us our tickets at 4pm but that got delayed until like 5pm which was fine though

anyway i met her and we started queueing because although official queuing was supposed to start at 6pm they pushed it forward to 3pm (which was unfortunate for those who were busy and couldnt come until much later - the organizer never released an official statement saying the queuing started earlier) 

so as soon as karissa and i arrived at like. the place (near the venue) we got lost for about a whole 5 minutes lmao so i texted james asking him where the hell . they were and we made it and joined the queue immediately (we were the last few people of the second batch) 

we just sat there and. collected freebies and our banners (for the fan events) while we waited for the seller to come give us our tickets 

when they came i was like . fucking screaming because one of the seller was someone i knew from primary school (4 years ago) and i was likeudghdgghdhsh??????? that was the highlight of the daydhfhs

after we bought the tickets and shit we were slightly concerned they wouldnt work lmao but they did god bless

while we waited for the doors to open and stuff a group of people did dance covers of mx songs and later other groups too everyone was cheering for them which was nice fgfghdgh

the hype died down and we just waited quietly until it hit 6pm and i started listening to the day6 stream LMAO but after 4 songs i had to stop because suddenly everyone was standing up?? 

for nothing though because we sat down like 30 minutes later at around 7? 7:30? everyone stood up again and this time people were given wrist tag things u kno.. ya there were three (?) kinds i think gold for those who held a superfan ticket, pink for general admission and some other colour for those who got tickets for free and could sit on chairs dhdghs 

it was a free standing event in an outdoor space so superfan ticket holders got to stand closer to the stage? and those with general admission had to stand behind us and it was separated by a barricade 

we entered at like 8pm because we were the second batch (there was a third batch behind us) and it was already filled?? not exactly but from where we were standing we couldn’t really see the stage 

in the end we were in the middle which wasnt exactly the best but its definitely better than those standing all the way at the back rip 

i think at like 7:45 they started playing the music videos and everyone was shouting the lyrics it was cute i loved it but my throat told me to die after i yelled for like all of their mvsjhdgdghd 

also when all in played u bet my ass i jumped up and downdhg

also water wasnt allowed inside which i think is normal so i chugged mine down as fast as i could before entering (i had a little left and the lady let me in with it thanks queen) (i drank it all before they even came on stage)

the hype was real though and it was great 

when it hit 8:30pm the introduction video started and suddenly i was getting pushed forward and wow . dont go if ur not a fan of people invading your personal bubble. i wish fans had more sense to Not push around and stuff but what can we do rip 

other than that when they came out oh gOD when they came out i was likebfhgddgs??!?!??!?! i had to stand on my tip toes to see them

they started with beautiful and i was liek. dissociating i jsut sang along and shit it was amazing?????? 

the first person i saw was kihyun and then minhyuk?? i dont remember who else i saw but iw ss losing my fucking mind over how good everyone looked

anyway after that was um.............. fuck. .... i dont know..........

IFMFHGHSGF IM CRYING MY BRAIN TOLD ME TO DIE

white love maybe? i think they did like an introduction of themselves ??

anyway ill figure the songs out later they started playing games i think or was that another time im bad at this clearly 

ask james for the details of the songs i dont remember shit from that i just remember singing along to the songs badly and moving my arm back and forthhfgsgh 

also team work makes the dream work because karissa was recording and i helped her to zoom in and ensure they looked human with the brightness and stuff fhjdgsgh 

but !! everyone did the fanchants really well it was so heartworming 

also during white love they made us do that one part u know the one and it was awesome!!!!! during white sugar they threw m&m’s and i got to get a good look at their faces without having to look at the screen!! 

honestly was good too god im so happie 

hm. they did a mon-story time and showed us pics from previous eras (trespass > i dnt remmeber fuck > beautiful world tour > mxray > first win) ?? might be wrong dghdgs and they talked about stuff that happened i blanked out though so i dont know what they said 

also when they flashed the first win part they started throwing hands @ each other usual mx shit dhjgsgd

we chanted monsta x and they chanted monbebe back at us :-( i love them

i think changkyun said he doesnt wnat to do another season of mxray LMAODHFGHHGS fucking loser 

the translator made me laugh he was super monotone fhgdghfsh

then they played mon-ccaso dghghfsh and drew what they wanted to eat with singaporean mbb!!

there was a bug in front of wonho and he got !!!! fhdgh cute .

shownu: ????? what was it ?? a drink it looked like a cocktail and kihyun was like “non alcoholic” dghffsgs

wonho: ice cream!!! hes so cute his drawing was so cute also he wrote monbebe before they announced the game his handwriting is so pretty tf

minhyuk: ramyeon lmao (in his words: traditional korean noodles) 

kihyun: uh oH HE DREW A CRABFGHGSHS and said chili and pepper crab!!!

hyungwon: he drew a shrimpfhggdgs fucking . it was so cute

jooheon: mandu!! or dumplings :D

changkyun: water. JHDHGDGSG KING HONESTLY IW AS LIKE JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT!! love me a water stan 

anyway they talked about what they drew and when it came to minhyuk’s turn he was like guess and everyone just shit on him DHJDHSHG 

some examples: “hair” Gghdhg and some fans (including me) screamed cucumberhjfghgs let this man live 

minhyuk also tried to make fun of jooheons drawing but it failed bc none of us understood his joke

so they made us vote by screaming and they each stood up while holding their sketchbooks and we’d scream

winner was changkyun (i yelled my heart out and jumped bitch)

FHGSGG W INNER HAD TO DO AEGYO THOUGHDG played urself

they did oppaya and i think there are fancams somewhere

then they made wonho do it hhdggs best 1 minute of my life

after that was uhh??????? brain machine broke i dont know im not even going in order anymore

they either did from zero first or the fan videos were shown first

if so the fan videos were of fans talking about how much they love/appreciate mx and it was sweet after that we raised our banners for the fan vid

and then the CAKE came for wonho and we sang happy birthday to wonho (kihyun asked us to sing once too at the start hjdghgsg we did that in english this time it was in korean) 

also funny hfgdhgs thing... they talked in korean and a lot of people replied in korean so they got shockedhfgh FUCJ DAY6 ok safe im listening now

i think they (minhyuk?) asked who thought/if he was handsome and got rly happie when we said yea

after him someone asked too LOLJHDGSG

back 2 whatever fdsh um oh yeah the cake was done to look like ramyeon in a pot :D ill add a link

wonho cut himself with the knife D-: babie 

he kept wanting to eat it though so hopefully he liked it 

maybe after that they did from zero???? ufhffghsgghdg idk

after that was hero!!!!!!! god we were all so pumped 

shine forever next 

and then they stopped to take a break i thinkfhgshgd 

at some point they asked fans (a jooheon stan and a wonho one) what songs they liked :-D the jooheon one said beautiful and the other said ill be there if im not wrong

they also made the rappers sing bits from some songs hfgsg i dont remember which songs tho hdhs

changkyun tried his besthjdg

they did their ending ment and went to dramarama!! 

after that it was silent for like 5 minutes max as we chanted mx and for encore

they came out and did ill be there (?) (first verse to chorus) and talked again before doing 5:14! 

they were dressed in casual tshirts which was a relief hjghgdh because it was reallly fuckng hot hdh changkyun mentioned the weather too sorry dude thats life

they waved at fans and played amongst themselves kihyun dumped water on jooheon LMAO i got a clear view of that

stay hydrated !

they just kept dumping water on each other i love a family :-D

and then they said bye and left

jooheon kept going byEE though dhgdhs hes so cute :-( 

ok heres what i thought abt the monstas themselves

kihyun looked especially good with that tie by the way 

jesus i got to see wonho with dark hair i truly. died

ALSO SHOWNU LOOKS SO HANDSOME IRL!!!! MY WIG WAS SNATCHED!!!!!!!!!!!

hyungwon was rly cute too when he interacted with the fans :-(

there was one time wonho smiled and it was caught on the screen i . felt my heart burst in that moment

alsowwhen minhyuk took center position for their choreos he has this ?? charisma ??? its amazong like the one smirk/grin he does u know that? yeah i saw it in beautoful and died

joohoen and changkyun also did their best hyping mbbs up by yelling to sing along and stuff ihdjgf i love them

this is just mx loving hours 

also kihyun did the DHDHHSH EYE SMILE!!! HE DID IT SO MANY TIMES HE WAS SO HAPPIE I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

i didnt get to see jooheon much but he was so playful with minhyuk it was so cute!!!!!!! 

they all look so good and sound even better live!!! kihyuns adlibs god help me. 

i love them so much. i really do fhhdghghs im happy i went no more regrets and no more telling myself i didnt have a blast because i!!!! i loved every second of it even when i got someones hair stuck to my arm LMAO 

after it ended we immediately left for the exit andggdghs WOW standing up i was fine but moving?? moving was HELL my legs hurt so bad

ok so we got home and thats that but like.... heres where my self reflection comes in

so you dont have to read this part

i think. the reason i dont remember much is because.. i dont want to? like. at some point i got a clear view of wonho in the Flesh and i was thinkng about how i was really seeing them? for real????? and i got. really sad i think?? 

so to prevent myself from getting sad i probably tried to forget? everything?? theres also my bad memory of course but i cant even remember their faces i feel like its because im trying to forget or some deep shit 

anyway i think im also makig myself not be happy??? this is phrased v bad but its like im trying to kill the fun and only think abt the negatives of the whole event

which wasnt even much so its like. my minds blankfhjfhd

talking about it here helps though like i get to. share and actually talk about what happened so yeah i can say that i had fun even though i couldnt see them i had a blast singing along it was awesome

the only bad part was how i didnt like watching from the screens because it felt like i wasnt seeing them live?? ooMGHDDS DAY6 ARE DOING BETTTER BTTER

tldr; im not that upset over it now thank god and i can proudly say i had fun and although i cant remember much it was a great experience

thank you for coming to my tedtalk if you did <3

[psybunnys]

SF pride 2017 with my beautoful lady. I finally came out a few months ago and have been so lucky to receive overwhelming support from my family and friends, and being at pride for the first time was such an amazing and emotional experience. 🌈❤💛💚💙💜🌈 Bonus: Me catching her texting while driving when I took a selfie.

[genderplanet]

Got tagged by @skellyinside my olde one from two years ago is this if anyone want to compare 

Rules: once you are tagged, you have to fill out these 92 truths about you, & tag 25 people once you are done.

Last: Last drink: /demilitarised/ water Last phone call: Friday with my aunt Last text message: ‘’beaitoful’’ followed by ‘’net ngl rasyt normaliai’’ and ‘’so beatgiug l’’, ‘’beautoful’’ and finally ‘’beautiful’’. Last song you listened to: Blue Monday by New Order  Last time i cried: 3 hours ago Last kiss: never

Have you ever: Dated someone twice: no Been cheated on: no Kissed someone & regretted it: no Lost someone special to you: yes Been depressed: yes Been drunk & thrown up: no Kissed more than one person in the same day: no In the past year, have you made a new friend: Yes! Fallen out of love: No Laughed until you cried: Yes Met someone who changed you: yes Found out who your true friends were: yes Found out someone was talking about you: yes(apparently two years ago I thought so but rn - no memories).

General: How many people do you know in real life from here: 3. Though one I knew before tumblr so.  Do you have any pet names: no Do you want to change your name: yes What time did you wake up this morning: 6:25 ish What were you doing last night: I can’t remember Name something you cannot wait for: My death Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes What’s getting on your nerves right now: My family. Nicknames: No(?). Relationship status: Forovor orone Zodiac sign: Aquarius Pronouns: They/Them/Their Favourite tv show: Parks and Recreation still. Hair colour: Right now weird grey green-turquoise...still.  Long or short: Long Tattoos: Not yet, Still same ideas as two years ago. Righty or lefty: right

Firsts: First surgery: None. First piercings: None First best friend: @skellyinside  First sport you joined: None First vacation: idk what people count as vacation lol does my travel to village when I was 1 year old count or what? (Still) First pair of sneakers: no brand ones

Right now: Eating: tortilla Drinking: water I’m about to: go out to buy some corn and greens. Listening to: Now it’s  ‘ 80s Remix: "Into You" - Dangerous 80s’ Waiting for: My death Want kids: pets... Get married: eh Career: crumbling and going downhill into the deepest pits of hell. (still)

Which is better: Lips or eyes: eh Hugs or kisses: eh  Shorter or taller: still fighting tol ones, but pls protekt mi Romantic or spontaneous: eh Sensitive or loud: ehhh Hookup or relationship: relationship Troublemaker or hesitant: eh

Have you ever: Kissed a stranger: no Drank hard liquor: yes Lost glasses/ contacts: one contact Sex on first date: eh Broken someone’s heart: no Been arrested: not yet Turned someone down: No, I haven’t slam dunked anyone. (still same) Cried when someone died: my latest hamster, I miss u Bucky my long haired boi Fallen for a friend: All I can see is me fucking tripping on my shoe laces while looking at a friend which have happened lmao but I assume this is romantic thing so no (what the fuck I can’t remember this but honestly? mood).

Tagging: @kaktusai @alohomora @asmuo @crownlyclowns @docbot-knockout @deconsecrathor @akuapipun 

[neurotransferral]

When you get this, respond with five things that make you happy, then send this to the last 10 people in your notifications :)

Hello my love

1. Music and poetry bc they go hand in hand - I don’t think people will understand how much I rely on music sometimes to get me through the day. And for me, its weird but Im never like OOH yeah like I like this band for the shows, or the members, until AFTER I’ve connected to the lyrics of one of their songs , even if its in a miniscule way. That connection to someone elses melodies and writing, that  is obvsly from THEIR experiences that I feel sometimes only fuels  my love for art as I feel like t unifies us on a spiritual level that is so unique and beautoful for each every individual

2. Food - Like good food is the way to my heart, I mean That little happy feeling in your stomach after a good meal is honestly my favourite moments of the day and to know that there are people who dont always have this chnavce makes me cherish it even more

3. Makeup! - Oddly, though I’ve never been an overtly feminine person, makeup is one of my favourite things and pastimes ! Im not even that good at it, but I love that feeling when you look at yourself in the mirror after all that time and effort spent into your makeup wow! Plus Im obsessed with highlighters haha

4. Chocolate! This is the ultimate way to my heart , Iike all chocolate is the bets stress reliever and just makes me feel wholesome again

5. My family and friends - I mean i dont wanna be negative but these people literally have put up with so much for me and continue to do so, and to know that Im cared about at times, when I dont even feel love for myself is one of the most uplifting and luckiest things that I could experience! Honestly I think i can be a draining person to be around but the fact that they love me and try to be there for me when I need it makes me feel so blessed and it keeps me going often because at the end of the day, even if I dont care about myself, these people do, and I could never hurt them ever , i feel like I owe them too much

[koshertumtum]

aesthetic themed ask list

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? this morning

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? did julius caesar want to become king

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? going up in ancient history from an SA2 to a HA4

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? adopting Larney

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? boi would i be a menace

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? no lol

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. she is smooth, she has a enticing laugh, she's a mum and she always knows what to say

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? sort of

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? omg in front of my dad bc i told him i did drugs

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. um sophie!!! bc she admires constellations and the earths beauty and always has really cool words and facts about them

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? probs not

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? 3am i was driving home from sea world with daniel courtney ellie and jelly and courtney asked me what the time was

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? i put a whole bag of jellybeans up my ass @ everyone

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? BEAUTOFUL!!! A MASTERPIECE!!! so pretty!!!

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. 'no'

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? Elevators

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? buy a big house and lots of dogs

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? i can be sorta forgiving ,, but it depends what you do

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. don't even start writing fanfiction u mess

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? both???

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. GIMME!!! they don't define your work ethic or how smart you are, they represent your personality

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? i don't! sometimes i do,, but i usually can't be bothered of feel as if my face is good enough without it

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. just the entirety of Like a Weight by The Jungle Giants

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. donald trump is a racist sexist bigot irrit piss baby

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. 1. One Direction

2. Vance Joy

3. The Jungle Giants

4. Ball Park Music

THEY MADE ME FEEL SO HAPPY!!!!

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? from ryan reynolds saying everything he loves about his wife and child

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? i don't anymore lmao??

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? a mess™ i don't really have one lol

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? i got in a car with someone who was under influence ://

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? a nice green!!! and just short

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? sophie, taylah, mr boddice, ms freier and literally go to a big zoo or a nice garden

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. i wan a dog,, david bowie to be alive and to all my friends to be happy

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? had hanky panky???

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? EAT FAECES!!

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? probably one song, and make it a gorrilaz song,, i wouldn't be able to deal with one person forever

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love. no fuck u

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? YEAH

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? i can't order coffee i don't know anything

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? rick sanchez giving up himself for the safety of his family,

fin.

[ilygsd]

201018

ffs im doing it againnnnn. i google and read shit that scares me but then i wont do anything abt it except for overthink and get anxious and fuck shit up and be an annoyance and then hate myself for doing this again but still go back and hope for him to forgive my emotional ass

im just so scared of fucking shit up again. i know i cant change the world, i need to change my attitude and know that i can get through shit even if people leave me. I CAN!! i am strong enough!!! i HAVE improved!!! i CAN! i have people who loved me and truly cares for me!!!!!! things are goong well with other people. people i dont really care about but they’re still evidente that i AM FUNCTIONING AND NOT COMPLETELY CRAZY

but those people were and are nt’s. even if im a paranoid emotional bitch who cant really feel it, i at least got some rationality that tells me that not everyone is after me.

its different with him.

i dont know if i actually care about him or if its my issues and insecrities or his manipulative charm that draws me to him but the feeling i get is so intense. and it scARES ME!!!! he could totally just take advantage over me?? i dont want to be paranoid, i want to BELIEVE HIM but my anxiety and all these other quotes and posts i read tells me i should get the hell away from people like him. and like....... i dont know if its just me overthinking or if its actually dangerous? im weak, i dont trust myself with him. im weak for him.

the fact that im more anxious because of him should be a sign right?? but on the other hand he makes me feel more alive. life is interesting with him but im also scared thats ”a part of it”. everyone says its a nice experience in the beginning. that they’re oh so charming to inpress you but then they’re going go change and its going to be to late.

and what does THAT MEAN? too late?? i dont think he would murder me or become physically violent, but his apathy will definitely hurt me either way. it STILL hurts me NOW and he’s not even doing anything ”mean”. like.... that’s who he is. he doesnt even have to manipulate me, the fact that he cant feel or give emotional love is hard enough for me to accept lmao.

and i mean he told me about his disorder? isnt that something? he seems pretty carefree. he answers most of my questions but he doesnt talk much about himself at all. he just seems bored. he told me he used to think people were annoying and slow (high IQ + narcissistic traits) but that he realised its not the world, but he who is different. and now the only thing he lives for is like his goals.

at first i thought he wanted to hurt and use me. instincitvely. he used to compare me to a deer, careful and beautoful (wow, such a charmer, so poetic) and in that case he’s a predrator. a social oredrator. he can take any shape he wants. its not me or his ”love” for me holding him in place, it’s only him. only him. him and the moral compass he set for himself. i dont think he wants to hurt me for fun, but he definitely would without doubt if i ever got in his way. perhaps not MORE than necessary, but as much as needed for him to get what he wants. but he’s patient. definitely. and i sont know why im worth waiting for. i dont know what i have to offer him.

we had sex yesterday. it was nice. but he’s one horny fuck and im emotional. he doesnt seem to care about the emotional stuff because the physical part is the only thing he can feel anywyas. all the love-shit yesterday (and any other day) is for me.... or for him... idk. i dont think its necessary for him but he does it because i want it and i guess that could be seen as nice?? at least he thinks so. he gets annoyed and anused when i question his sincerity. (says he might as well cheat and shit but like... yeah and u might as well be a mudder too whats your point??) but on the other hand he probably wants something more in te end. like my trust or something? it cant be sex. it wasnt THAT good and i he doesnt really care about the person he has sex with. he doesnt think of people, barely watch actual people but more lile hentai and the idea of sex. it could be control and power though. i know he wants me to test new things. one time i felt like he forced and treatebed me to drink coffee despite me not wanting to and i did. and i felt SHIT afterwards and i got SO paranoid and isolated myself for a week and he was a bitch about it and basically told me i overreacted and yeah maybe i was because i got SCARED of him and what he can do but i also could’ve handled it better and not let it scare me an understand i have a choice etc. but anyways, he’s stopped with that shit at least the threatening part like ”if you dont taste this coffe i made you im taking away the blanket”. and now he just liggtly pressures me. which i have to admit is okay? it made me try tea and i liked the tea. he also wants me to pierce myself and i actually would like that. he made me send him lewds (kind of) but i stopped because idk, i didnt like i. and idk i am happy i tried. im insecure and he makes me more adventurous. i just dont hope he will pressure me more or it would get worse. he’s like ”i would never force anyone to do anything” like yeah thanks thats.... nice to know.... he’s so weird. he makes offensive jokes that i bormlly would get extremely teiggered by but...... its different with him. i DO get annoyed but i also know there’s literally zero behind his jokes. i asked him if he likes the rection but he says he likes the power over the situation he has. he likes to tease me but he always makes sure i know its only joking and im not being serious. it seems like he likes the fact that he COULD leave me thinking he was serious but he choses to not. idk though, cus the fact that he always tells me when he does something ”not manipulative” is a bit..... suspicious lmao. he’s asked me to smoke weed though and im like super pure but honestly why not. he also made me drink and masturbate next to him. wow, he’s made me do a lot of stuff..... but idk, i lile the praise afterwards LMAO

so im just here trying go figure out what the fuck it is?? he doesnt talk much about himself or the people in his life. i asked about his friends and family but the only one he talks about is his ex girlfriend and best friend. at first i was so skeptical i was like ”omg why would she be with him, is she also a victim of his manipulation, or maybe she’s the same?” but idk. she seems ”normal”. he admitted she had similar issues to emotionally connect with people like him but that she’s not aspd. i also happen to know she’s a chinese adoptee as well and to compare with my own attatchment issues it wouldnt surprise me if she got the opposite of me.

anyways, at first glance you would think he loves her dearly. but when thinking about it he doesnt really express any love. just appreciation and thats what he said himself. for practical reasons. they help each other, he with her medical shit and she with his finances or something. and i want to believe in that. that he’s just looking for good deals with people. i get something out of him and he gets something from me. not anything emotional, but not necessarily him using people either. and he can be emotional, he is trying to be emotional for me. COGNITIVE EMPATHY THOUGH!!!

i dont know. i hope it is like this. i dont want to believe all the shit stories about narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths. yes i am low key scared to death that he one day will snap, change comPLETELY cus that’s basically who he is. i just hope.......... he won’t lmao. and i hope he wont just use me when he’s got what he’s wanted. and i reALLY hope i wont settle for his fake love. i deserve some REAL ACTUAL LOVE. i dont mind living in a fairytale with him someimes but i DO NOT want to lose myself to him. i deserve love, i deserve someone who loves me like i love them. no matter how much or how good he imitates love he wont ever be able to. PLEASE DONT SETTLE FOR THAT.

ive KIND OF come to accept who he is and that was hard enough for me, but i did it because he makes me do things and he makes me feel like i want it. also im scared that im too obsessed. like i really dont find anything interesting except for him. thats NOT a good sign. i feel like i both gain and lose myself with him. being with him is like living in a bubble. but when i meet other people everything’s as normal. i just dont want to isolate myself.

i dont think he would turn my friends or family against me

he says he teases the people he feel comfortable with. i cant get that. he’s changed. i sometimes feel like im a little sister. he took me very seriously at first and was very respectful and kind. now when he’s mee comfortable he’s more of a dick abd more straight forward when he thinks im overthinking or negative or annoying. and i am. i am annoying with him. its so weird but the moment i see him my EMO JUMPS OUT. i can be fun with other people and talk about other things and watch stuff but when im with him i just want to talk about sad stuff and feelings abd myself lmaooo. and yeah he finds it annoying and i get that. but i guess its cus we’re both a bit comfortable?

however he doesnt tease his ex/bff he says. its so weird, he says she was in charge in their relationship and i just cant imagine that cus hes so dominant. he said he started to respect his body etc AFTER their relationship so idk but i still cant imagine it cus he’s still doesnt feel empathy so there was no reason for him to obey her?? im curious about their relationship. i wonder what it was like......

what scares me is that i always feel inferior to him. thats ny good in a relationship. at the same time its the way i imagine relationships. he protecs me and i’ll obey him. its not that im always inferior, i tell him to piss off and fuck you when im annoyed. bit thats only joke. when tt gets serious he is always right. kind of. he’s like a dad as well. idk

all these posts are about sociopaths literalky tappning on thet victims and being CRUEL. but he’s not cruel, he’s just aprhtic, ubemotional. of course he CAN BE CRUEL, everyone can, but he chose not to. at least not yet. UGH. i feel so good with him. it felt better after a week with bo contact but i still wanted him because i was afraid i would lose him if i wanted more. which makes no sense because if i dont want him then i wouldnt want him. but wat if satt with him. i read blir people being married to sociopaths for 20+ years and i dont eant to be robbed 20 years!!!

he values actions more than words. in many ways he’s more high-functioning than me, and im a normal neurotypical while he’s an antisocial. thats why i was drawn to him anywyas. i wanted his help to handle my feelings and stuff. but idk. when he apologizes he doesnt mean it, but he still stops. when i apologize i mean it, but i dont stop. he could help me stop and he wants me to stop. bit thats also the only thing he values and it males me feel unappreciated sometimes when i actually TRY MY HARDEST

all these posts also fuck me up because idk if they’ve just encountered a mean sociopath, a mean normal neurotypical or if its just a sociopath. like i feel like people only focus in the bad stuff and call anyone ubemotional and cold abd mean a sociopath. thats not what i want to hear. i want to learn about them objectively??? they cant feel i get that. its mostly just girls writing about their fuckboy ens. like he thought i thought of him as a fuckboy but i dont. hes not a fuckboy, i hate fuckboys even more than i hate him. fuckboys are like..... just MEAN. for no reason. lmao idk. i mean he’s mean because he cant FEEL, he has no conscience. fuckboys are mean and so feel guilt but they pretend they dont and thats just pathetic. this persson id mature. fuckboys arent. hes sometimes immature too i guess UGH and narcisstisk UGH but lile..... idk. i just wouldnt go for him if he was a fuckboy. i dont get attracted to fuckboys OR bad blys

[spiritytheghost]

“hi, I’m not from the US” ask set

given how Americanized this site is, it’s important to celebrate all our countries and nationalities - with all their quirks and vices and ridiculousness, and all that might seem strange to outsiders.

Oh gosh, the wonderful @alessiaskyler tagged me, so... I’m from Germany too haha, but... wow, hard questions...

1. favourite place in your country?

I’m not sure, I have one, and if, then it would probably be home... or? Maybe, I’m forgetting something improtant xD There are many beautoful places, but nothing that i would call my favourite .-.

2. do you prefer spending your holidays in your country or travel abroad?

I’m not travelling very much, but if I do, it’s personal to me, so it doesn’t matter in which country it is

3. does your country have access to sea?

Yes, it does, but I’m living too far away :(

4. favourite dish specific for your country?

I’m a very picky eater, so I’m sure I don’t have one that’s specific for Germany

5. favourite song in your native language?

I’m not listening to german songs and even though I know some of them, I wouldn’t say that I like one as much as I like other favourite songs

6. most hated song in your native language?

Probably many of the german Rap Songs, unless I#m taking them not seriously, because then I can find them funny

7. three words from your native language that you like the most?

Am I supposed to know that?? xD ÄÄÄÄHM... I don’t know, I like so many words, but right now I can’t think of them :(

8. do you get confused with other nationalities? if so, which ones and by whom?

No, certainly not, I have blue eyes and was born with blond hair and I have pale skin, so... No. xD

9. which of your neighbouring countries would you like to visit most/know best?

England is not really a neighbour, but I’ve been there two times now and it’s wonderful *__* I’ve been to Austria with my family once and we were in France and Italy for a day, many years ago, so I don’t really know These countries very well and I don’t really know why I should travel there xD

10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language?

Wow, this is stuff I know xD Scheiße, verdammt and... I’d say fuck, but it’ s english, although everybody says it, but... then it’s Arsch or Arschloch, but that’s more of an insult xD

11. favourite native writer/poet?

I don’t have one, everybody I like is not from Germany xD

12. what do you think about English translations of your favourite native prose/poem?

... I don’t even know, if something has ever been translated in english from the stuff I know xD

13. does your country (or family) have any specific superstitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders?

Probably everything my family does is weird xD I can’t think of something specific :/

14. do you enjoy your country’s cinema and/or TV?

Normally not, there are very few TV shows and movies I like, but that’s it, because almost everything else is pretty stupid in my opinion or maybe it’s just that I’m interested in different stuff

15. a saying, joke, or hermetic meme that only people from your country will get?

Berlin Airport I guess, because I’m not sure how many other people know about this story xD OR maybe talking about the typical RTL and RTL II series, because everybody makes fun of them xD OMG and the Deutsche Bahn HAHA because the trains are never there on time xD

16. which stereotype about your country you hate the most and which one you somewhat agree with?

The Lederhosen - Dirndl - Beer - Thing, is fucking STUPID. I never wore any of it and I don’t like beer, what the hell is the point of it? And that all Germans are neat and always on time NO. DID YOU SEE MY ROOM? And I know so many people that you can expect to be there half an hour later than you planned it. NO.NO.NO.

17. are you interested in your country’s history?

I’m in general not interested in history. School taught me the stuff I need to know and there are definitely interesting topics, but that’s it for me.

18. do you speak with a dialect of your native language?

No, not really, in my Region we’re talking “normal”, maybe slang, but now with a real dialect.

19. do you like your country’s flag and/or emblem? what about the national anthem?

It’s a flag, what would I like about it? It’s what it looks like, the end. xD And I don’t like the national anthem, it sounds boring and like people love their country, but many Germans I know don’t have a community feeling, so nope.

20. which sport is The Sport in your country?

Soccer. But it’s fucking boring too and I hate when people are behaving like a bunch of crazy assholes because of it. It’s JUST A SPORT, for fuck’s sake! xD

21. if you could send two things from your country into space, what would they be?

I know some people I’d send there... to kill them xD And I don’t know why anything else from Germany should be there xD

22. what makes you proud about your country? what makes you ashamed?

Proud... maybe small things, but nothing that really is “made” by the german society. And all the other stuff, just makes me angry, not really ashamed.

23. which alcoholic beverage is the favoured one in your country?

Beer, I don’t like it, but many other people do.

24. what other nation is joked about most often in your country?

Hmm, a little bit about America, about Poland, and Greece xD 

25. would you like to come from another place, be born in another country?

I wouldn’t say that I really like being german, but if I was born somewhere else I probably wouldn’t be happy with that either, because every country has its flaws, that’s why I can live with being german. But I would definitely like to live in a different city, because my city is awful.

26. does your nationality get portrayed in Hollywood/American media? what do you think about the portrayal?

Some answer as Question 16, plus that the whole Nazi thing is there too, which I think is stupid, because every country has nationalistic sides, but that doesn’t mean that everyone in the country is as STUPID as them! God, I’m too angry for this question xD

27. favourite national celebrity? 

I don’t have one. Nope. They are all crazy. Some are very nice, but most of them are... nopppp.

28. does your country have a lot of lakes, mountains, rivers? do you have favourites?

Yes, I think so, but there’s again nothing that I’d call my favourite xD

29. does your region/city have a beef with another place in your country?

No, but we’re always making fun of the smaller cities around ours xD

30. do you have people of different nationalities in your family?

No. My answers are so boring, omg xD

@alessiaskyler you asked for it, so you got it! My answers are very weak, I saw that you put so much effort in yours, amazing <3