#their indifference strengthens my negative emotions

[theworld-accordingtocasey]

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[venuskind]

Relational Insights

The last year taught me more on subtle nuances to boundaries, and opened up a whole new aspect I have not yet engaged with. I was shown which hopes and desires, born of deficits and woundings of my childhood, still hold a level of power that effortlessly crosses and blinds me to my boundaries until harm has been incurred. A painful insight into the workings of patterns alive in me, which let me replay old scripts to affirm negative expectations like neglectful indifference, emotional unavailability, egocentricity, rejection and abandonment. A necessary and humbling reminder of the work I still need to do in order to gain more consistency in balanced and healthy relating.

Accountability

The aspects I want to share pertains to how I currently respond to the needs or neediness of another.

Still not fully comfortable with neediness, which expresses through a victim narrative or whiny tonality, I find myself struggling to calm myself and dig deeper for compassion, as I am triggered to reject and and turn away from the experience. Realizing that the desire to distance myself from the emotions and expressions of the other is no longer solely rooted in conditioning but also in service of a primal knowing. A knowing that engaging with and entertaining such energies feeds the victim/whiny aspects in me, which I no longer wish to feed or strengthen, to the contrary.

And as I take full accountability of reacting in a poorer way than I would like, I am acknowledging the need to use better tools and practice being with energies I am integrating without a feeling of or being 'tainted' ,aka 'contaminated,' by them. In reflecting deeper on that, I became aware that I already can do so in connections that have a certain emotional depth and fluidity. Pointing towards the relationship of feeling emotionally disconnect, resulting protectivity, and the fragility to such energies. An obvious relationship, but as so often, not something I was conscious of in the moment. This needs some repetition and deepening of knowing to ensure access to it when I feel insecure or triggered.

Choice

A more novel aspect to that is the spaciousness I have gained in how I want to respond to another's need in the moment.

Until now my nature and conditioning didn't even allow for a pause and reflection if I want to show up in the way the other needs or asks me whenever I saw or sensed they were in pain. It was as if pain disabled any thought of myself and put me into a self-sacrificing autopilot or trance state of giving my all. Now I am allowing self love to enter and transform this hereto unconscious layer of relating in me.

This trauma reflex is also why I had such a hard time understanding, and respecting, people who could turn a cold shoulder in the face of another's moment of need or pain. I still see that as an unpalatable thing but the emotional charge has lessened dramatically thanks to this insight and spaciousness entering this contracted aspect of self.

Discernment

Faced with someone whose idea of support consisted of making myself into a receptacle (or 'dumping ground' as my protectors would call it) for their narratives and emotions without asking question for clarity nor commenting in any other way, allowed for another insight.

Something in me balked at their expectation, mind you this was not a request to me but an expectations dripping with judgement. Which is why I celebrate my resistance as an expression of progress in setting self loving boundaries.

Their expectation was reminiscent of something I observed and verbalized in my mid twenties about the dynamics of relating with men. I felt they used me as 'emotional landfill' as they would come to me and dump their unresolved shit to then saunter off and enjoy their new-found lightness in pretty much total disregard of me. A lightness bought at the cost of my emotional balance and energy. Infuriatingly they remained ignorant of the fact that they have dumped their emotional shit on me, necessitating me to carry the weight of it as enabler of their avoidance. Yuck! Thankfully another murky pattern I have patiently worked my way out of. Which is why I did not show up in the way they wanted but in a way that was aligned with what I know to be healthy for me and caring for another.

I am expressing ever more clearly a resounding NO to subtle ways others (un)consciously try to avoid doing their work, non-consensually dumping their load, and abusing my willingness to support another. Even if someone is in pain, or pulls on my heart-strings I am no longer blind to the pattern of turning me into a complicit in their self-disempowerment and avoidance of taking full responsibility for themselves and their experience of life. I am putting an end to my part in this dysfunctional dynamic pattern. And I cannot express how happy it makes me to see the expansion of this transformative process.

It makes it worth having had the low vibe experience that allowed for these insights and reflections.

Sovereignty

If it really needs mentioning:

The final say on if and how I support someone lies with me. Even though I am inviting you to share your requests, and open to negotiating with you what and how I can offer - No one gets to decide how and where my energy is invested apart from Self, Spirit and myself.

Trying to manipulate your way to controlling my behavior and self expression will get you one thing only: The end of relating as I walk away.

I remain fully available to growth-oriented relating based on sovereignty, freedom, humor, playfulness, self knowledge, compassion, and love/consciousness. And when I speak of growth, I am using the term in a deeply spiritual definition of the willingness and capacity to face, acknowledge, love, and integrate one's shadow and learn to do the same with the shadow of the other. I am fully aware that this is calling for the master class of relating, it takes a ton of courage, resilience, responsibility for self, self knowledge, and willingness to vulnerably and openly share your internal world to allow another know and feel you in your light and shadow. And I am fully willing to learn to fail better in this way of relating and learning with another, to deepen in awareness and discernment, to become better at repair and gentleness with self and other... to go through all highs and lows of this path as long as we meet on this ground.

This is my baseline for relating!

Meet me there or watch me move on to better aligned experiences and beings.

Photoart by Zac Cannon

Source: https://venuskind.de/2023/02/relational-insights/

[dangermousie]

CFC chapter 60 - a few more thoughts now that I read it in human translation

Meatbun is so good about the effects of trauma and how it lingers - and I don’t mean just the effects of immediate trauma of assault for XQC - his reaction to that trauma is overlaid with lingering reactions to the trauma of almost two decades of the murders of his parents - here is where his “horrors happen and there is no justice, just surviving is good enough” comes from.

The one thing I did not get on my initial read but did get this time around is that what horrifies him the most about the assault is not the fact of the assault per se but the fact that (and he objectively knows it’s due to drugs but emotionally is another matter) he actually reacted and that he lost control and felt and expressed desire. The reason it sticks out to me so much is because his horror is not because “I experienced desire for my rapist” or even “I experienced desire for a man even though I believe I am straight” but something much more all-encompassing - “I experienced desire AT ALL.” It is normal enough to be horrified about being turned on against your will or by someone who is of the “wrong gender” for your believed preferences. But the fact that XQC’s horror and loathing go beyond that and he’s horrified by the very fact he actually lost control and experienced sexual desire under any circumstances is NOT NORMAL. I got the clear sense that he would be just as disgusted, just as horrified, just as distraught by his sexual experience if he and HY randomly got both drunk and voluntarily went to bed together. And it doesn’t just reinforce that this is a severely traumatized man with horrifically unhealthy coping mechanisms long before He Yu got his claws in him, but makes me wonder (a) what happened to him to make him THIS obsessed with control, THIS obsessed with abnegation and self-denial and (b) what this bodes for the future because it’s hard enough for a potential relationship to move past a sexual assault, but if you add in the fact that XQC isn’t just indifferent to sex, but he loathes the very concept of strong desire on his part and the assault strengthened that and triggered that to scale up to 11 or even 111 and the relationship she wants to write is eventually for XQC with a man who not just assaulted him but who he associates with that now pathological loathing of sex...man, MB likes to set herself impossible goals. 

He Yu’s “nightmare” is a lot of things (and primarily not a nightmare) but I love that MB keeps giving him no outs on the gay thing because XQC is very very masculine and that is exactly what turns HY on. (This said, HY’s life could be changed in incalculably superior manner if he merely discovered the concept of consensual BDSM and paying professionals for it.)

(Not related - but I am amused that HY knows his parents welcoming him for dinner is not a hallucination because he knows he’d never hallucinate something so out of the norm. Says volumes about how awful they are.)

To get back to XQC x HY, as I was telling @momoliee​ the latest chapters and the A/N fixed my biggest issue with the potential pairing which is before that I could see why it would be better for HY to be with XQC than alone (and those ARE his only options, there are no other candidates you could even see him with) but I could not see why XQC would be better off than with someone else like Chen Man or even alone, and so this felt unfair to me. Why would I ship XQC with someone if he’s better off without that person? But the latest chapters (and the a/n) reinforced to me that XQC could be better with HY - because it’s not that XQC is a calm, well-adjusted person of cold temperament. No, XQC is a traumatized mess who has suppressed not just rage but any other emotion, however necessary, to such an extent I am not sure he can even recognize what he feels any more, but that kid who picked fights with scads of people and who felt so much is still there, slowly dying inside. He needs to feel - to let that emotion out, whether it’s positive or negative; I am sure the bulk of it would be negative and it would be painful but it is impossible for him to heal or even live until he does that - he has been suffocating himself for well over a decade and it really can’t and shouldn’t go on. And when He Yu said if nobody loves him (HY) at least someone would now hate him genuinely, this is not how he meant it but yes - it IS good for XQC to hate and to rage and to feel - in creating a situation where XQC hates, HY unwittingly created a possibility for XQC to pass through being an authentic self even if it’s through pain and deconstruction of existing self. He did not do it for good reasons (and for horrible ones) but the result may nonetheless be better for XQC. The question of whether HY deserves XQC is a separate one, and present HY definitely does not, but I can see what a relationship with a much better HY could bring to the table and even the current horrible, painful interactions are actually something that are waking things up. Per aspera ad astra does seem to be MB motto for her characters and I think this is true here. And I think what XQC needs is He Yu’s extreme-ness, dragging him back to the land of the living, becoming contagious in a way, even if it’s not what HY intended, even if HY doesn’t get it himself, even if there were no good motives involved (yet.) And in the future, when there are good motives involved, I can see this preventing XQC from backsliding into frozen abyss. He needs someone extreme to be able to keep feeling.

[ckret2]

How are you able to write such good romantic scenes when you’re on the aro spectrum?

Gonna start with the weird answer and then explain the logic behind it:

I’m fascinated by the concept of obsession.

Like, particularly, when one person is obsessed with another person.

Typically what fascinates me most is the darker end of the “obsession” spectrum—the “I’ll die for you and/or kill for you,” the “I can’t imagine existing without you and will reinvent myself into some sort of idealized person who can support you as perfectly as possible,” the “I literally worship you like a literal actual god because you are that perfect to me,” the “I hate your guts but I can’t stop thinking about you for more than three seconds and I haven’t slept right in months because of it.” So, yandere tropes, “I’m stalking you out of love” tropes, zealous cults, unrequited love, knight & lord, all that stuff. I’m very interested in the psychology of how what ought to be a positive emotion can get twisted the wrong way into something so negative—how something protective can be twisted into something destructive, how something supporting can twist into something harmful, etc. You know, good horror shit. And so that’s something I spend a lot of time thinking about, reading about, and ultimately writing about.

Here’s the thing though. If you understand how obsession works inside and out, you’re like, 90% of the way to being able to write romance. That is, I think, fundamentally why I’m interested in writing romance in the first place. Because on a scale of 0 to 100, with 0 being “total indifference to a person’s existence” and 100 being “can’t go five seconds without thinking about the person and dreams about them at night,” romance clocks in at, like, 40. You’ve just gotta take Full Obsession and dial it back to a reasonable, healthy, sane level, and then paint it pink and that’s the Romance Feeling.

And then you chuck in a bunch of other positives to go along with the “can’t stop thinking about them” factor to make it a convincing romance.

The characters have gotta be friends with each other—if you can write friends, hell, turn it into “friends who call each other ‘my love’ and are making plans to spend their lives together” and you’ve got a quick and easy romance right there without any extra effort. And I understand how friendship works, I’ve got friends! Friends are a thing I can do. Lovers are friends with benefits. (The benefit is love.)

The characters probably find each other attractive in some way—if it’s physical, then you just gotta think “okay, this character finds that look attractive somehow,” and then describe their physical features in poetic language—the more you wanna emphasize the physical attraction aspect and the more it’s infatuation instead of an old steady love, the more deliriously flowery you can get with the description. If it’s attraction to their personality or other mental traits, just, do that same thing, but with mental features instead of their body. I know how to use descriptions to make things sound pretty, I can do this one too.

If there’s sexual attraction, then apply that same flowery language to generally eroticized body parts and/or body motions, and/or describe the arousal these observations cause the viewpoint character. (I’m also ace—I have never looked at someone and felt sexual attraction—but I do know what a state of arousal in and of itself feels like, and I understand on an intellectual level that people can feel it spontaneously when looking at someone they find attractive, and from there it’s really easy to combine “he looked at someone he thought was very good looking” and “he is feeling arousal, this is what arousal feels like to him” into “he looked at someone good looking and because of it he felt arousal” like it’s a pretty simple cause-and-effect there.)

The characters have gotta respect each other as, like, people, instead of idealized statues and/or dolls (as would be the case if it was obsession instead of love), which means they’ve gotta understand each other really well—so just, you know, write them comprehending each other’s quirks, recognizing each other’s oddities without needing them explained and not finding them weird, being generally familiar with each other. If you know what both your characters are like, you can write each of your characters knowing what the other one is like, too. Bam. Done.

The characters, especially if they’re only newly attracted to each other, probably feel the physical symptoms of that—rapid heartbeat, butterflies in stomach, tongue-tied nervousness, etc. I’ve never felt those things in direct connection to having a crush but I’ve felt them in connection to other things, so I can write about them too, I can intellectually imagine a “this character likes that character so much that it causes this physical reaction” cause-and-effect scenario.

And I could go on but it’s just gonna be a longer list like that.

All of the above things—feeling lowkey obsessed, being extremely close friends, looking at each other and going “ooh you are aesthetically and/or intellectually pleasing,” respecting each other, understanding each other, physically reacting to being around each other—are all things that make perfect sense in my little aro brain without having ever felt romantic attraction in my life, and they’re all things that I know come with romance because like, I see romances in movies, read them in stories, see people talking about them daily, and have several psychology courses and books under my belt that talk about the mechanisms of love along with all the other things that come in human brains. The very first movie I was ever taken to was Aladdin and I’m not sure if I was even speaking in full sentences by then—I’ve been passively absorbing research on romance practically since I was born. I’ve just gotta remember what I’ve learned and put it together in a way that sounds sensible and that matches up with what I’ve learned about how romance works and what I know about, like, how humans work.

And if a given couple’s romance differs from the above list—like, they’re totally in love but they aren’t best friends and they don’t have that deep knowledge of each other because they fell in love in two days and eloped in under a week—then that’s fine, that just necessitates amping up other factors to strengthen the love—maybe increase the obsession factor if it’s a rapid infatuation rather than a slow burn, maybe have them idealize each other more than they should which keeps them feeling attraction for each other but covers up flaws they’ll probably notice later... and when you’re writing inside their perspective you can write their romance to be as beautiful and perfect as they feel like it is, but if you recognize those flaws in their relationship you can hold onto them to use later—either to shake up the relationship and force them to grow and stabilize it, or else to make it come crashing down.

The point is, you gotta keep it realistic even when from the characters’ perspectives it’s an idyllic perfect relationship. If they’ve known each other a week, then they don’t know everything about each other. You can’t claim they do without it sounding ridiculous. They might feel like they know “everything that matters,” but it’s disingenuous to try to demonstrate No They Really Are In Love by giving them knowledge they haven’t earned yet. Show they love each other in spite of their ignorance. That goes for any other trait that a “full” “developed” romantic couple has but that they lack.

What matters, ultimately, is that at the end of the scene, it’s got to read like the characters are attracted to or in love with each other—even if it’s for dumb or shallow reasons—and not like the author put the attraction on top of them like funny hats.

And on that note?

Although being aro gives me a very obvious disadvantage writing romance that alloromantic folks don’t have—no personal experience to draw upon, even as little as knowing what it feels like to have a crush—I think it does give me one specific advantage over allo writers: I’m going to side-eye a romance plot line unless I’m convinced it works, and that applies to my own plot lines as well. And I think that being aro sorta automatically gives me stricter standards for what it takes to convince me a romance works.

Particularly in movies, it’s easy for the writers/directors/whoever to default to shorthands to “demonstrate” that characters are in love: tropes like “they argued and insulted each other for half the movie, then in a heated moment they kissed, then they were clearly attracted to each other the whole time,” that sort of thing. I can’t stand that. I know not being able to stand poorly-written hollywood romances isn’t an exclusively aro/ace thing. Plenty of allo folks complain about piss poor romantic subplots. But I have noticed a higher willing suspension of disbelief among allo folks to accept it as a given that two characters belligerently sniping at each other are doing so because they’re suppressing attraction (perhaps because there are hidden Signs Of Attraction that are invisible to me? I don’t know) while I see a much lower willing suspension of disbelief for that sort of thing among a lot of my ace- & aro-spectrum friends. I recognize I’m working off a limited data set, here, but I theorize it’s just harder to accept that two characters being assholes toward each other are better off boning than ignoring each other for the rest of their lives if the person being asked to accept this doesn’t have personal memories of Attraction™ to fall back on to fill in the gaps between the shorthand the director is using to symbolize (but not demonstrate) attraction.

So I can’t use those kinds of shorthands in my own work, because they don’t work for me. If I want the audience to feel like two characters are in love, I’ve got to bust my ass to demonstrate to myself, first and foremost, that they’re in love. That means I can’t just say they like each other, I’ve got to SHOW why they like each other. I can’t just say they’re attracted to each other, I’ve got to SHOW the audience what it is find attractive about each other—I’ve got to describe it clearly and compellingly enough that the audience can see their attractiveness too, no matter if I’m describing a robot disguised as a spider or a pile of volcanic rock in the shape of pteranodon. If they’re arguing and hate each other but are suddenly going to kiss in a moment of passion, I’m not going to trust that the audience will just Get that they were secretly attracted the whole time, I’ve got to go into their heads to demonstrate why they feel attraction in spite of their arguing and why, to them, that attraction overweighs their differences.

At no point am I able to create the skeleton of a romance and expect the audience to add the flesh and blood simply because I myself can imagine the flesh and blood based on my past experiences—because I don’t have those past experiences.

Anyway that’s what goes into how I write romance.

[angelkyrrieobsioma]

•Personal Development Daily Journal

Reflection #9: “Building and Establishing Harmonized Relationship with the Family”

Stated by Marvin J. Ashton, “Home should be an anchor, a port in a storm, a refuge, a happy place in which to dwell, a place where we are loved and where we can love”.

“When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching— they are your family”. —Jim Butcher

“Life is a secret lease from God and we should not allow ourselves to be bruised. Family life is our strength and success”. —Anonymous

16th of March 2021. Todays’ session with Miss KV had relinquished my mind and heart all along with the word FAMILY. I know some of my classmates could relate to this one for we have all kinds of different levels of sensitivity talking about our Family. On my own definition, Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter. Family time is sacred time and should be protected and respected. ‘Togetherness’ is a very essential ingredient to family life. As the old saying says, ‘The family that prays together, stays together.’ When it comes to family I don’t usually have the urge to face this someone who’s communicating with me, what I normally do is just to remain silent. The Basic Function of the Family is To: •REPRODUCE

•Responsible for SOCIALIZATION AND

EDUCATION

•Each member of the family is provided with •IDENTITY AND SOCIAL ROLES

•ECONOMIC SUPPORT

•EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

I came from a Nuclear Family where were only 4 members living in the same roof ever since our Dad passed away years ago. It is very important for us adolescents to build rapport with this kind of people. Basically our Home. Amidst the economic situation we are in this pandemic has not been subsided and we forgot to be mindful and and look on the situation were currently in. Each member of the family is provided may be in school, community, social roles etc. Similar with the Economic and Emotional support that we normally have, despite the fear of being rejected, not accepted especially Gender-biased roles, dragged down, invalidated, outcast or even not having the chance to speak rightfully has lead us to the path of rebellion and never engaged in certain ways. Fear of rejection. Many Adolescents experienced this a lot that is why Social Media life trapped us in Isolating ourselves to others. This is where anxiety and depression began. Mental Health Check has been our priority couple months ago and I think we should go back again soon. If it’s not the impact of Social Media we also have another guest that is Peers, Friends, Intimate Relationship with another person. One of they key factors to harmonized relationships with a family is by Communicating Everyday. You have to start getting along. Build and grow. Successful engagement happens when by means it is according to the upbringing, orientation, principles that you have built in a particular family. Even if coming from an Extended Family, the key factors and rewind will always be the same. •Better Relationship- realizing how you connect with your family and •Nature of Families which is in the latter, I’ve also witnessed some stories about physical abuse mainly sexual one and it’s terrible for the influence of everyone. •Poverty and Parent Absenteeism that sums up the negative impact of Media— (living on the expectations of others as how they see you) I’ve got Key Characteristics of Healthy Families: •Love and Appreciation, •Open and Honest Communication, •Unity and Respect for differences, •Values and Standards, and •Stress coping Strategies.

To adhere Relationship Growth for our Families effectively, It always starts from Acceptance. As adolescents with indifferences, our state is still stuck on being conscious about our Self-Identity. According to Miss KV, you may be the Black Sheep of your members, you still deserved to be valued. Value one another including relatives. Hurdles is only passing by, what matters is the bond, Loyalty and sticking up Identifying together the root of the circumstances. How you’re all going to RESOLVE & REVIVE as one. Families always have Pros and Cons. Example is a Big Family, each members are seeking & craving for attention. Peers and Media are just temporary. FAMILY is defined as permanently treasured until were buried into ashes. The love in our family flows strong and deep, leaving us memories to treasure and keep. Closing this one with, “THERE IS NO DOUBT THAT IT IS AROUND THE FAMILY AND THE HOME THAT ALL THE GREATEST VIRTUES, THE MOST DOMINATING VIRTUES OF HUMAN, ARE CREATED, STRENGTHENED, AND MAINTAINED. 💜💜✨~~ Winston S. Churchill

@krishavanessa

[fcarher]

A DEEP-DIVE INTO YUNA’S HISTORY WITH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

yuna has a hard time with positive emotions; they do not feel as natural as negative ones, that’s why you’ll often see her not responding to positivity, apart from compliments regarding her looks. she knows what she is & what she isn’t & is set on these beliefs, thus sees statements like “you’re so nice.”, “thank you for helping me. “ & more as blatant mockery. she can’t seem to grasp why SUDDENLY people were nice to her; she sees herself as a strong & capable fighter, not a friend, lover or wife. she sees herself as a calculated woman; not one that would get out of their way to help somebody. but why is that so ? what brought her to think that way ? there are a lot of instances that have solidified these beliefs but significant events, the origins of such thinking, have been FOUR in total. ( this is VERY long but i’d really love it for you guys to just skim through everything, at last. under the read more, you’ll find four stories/events within yuna’s past.  )

HER FAMILY 

i think i have already established the fact that yuna’s father was far from a good parent & while her biological mother never had a real moment within her life, there are other people, seen as family, who have made her life even harder. for once, she had an elder biological sister who was born 4 years before her. her name was myra & she was the opposite of her sister; she was very polite towards her elders, cooked well & cleaned the house, could sew any garment one desired; a perfect wife through the eyes of the villagers; a desired woman. & yet, it was always yuna who was talked about; even if it was negative attention; she got it. myra got nothing. & of course, there was more that let jealousy poison her completely; yunaeisha’s looks. she was beautiful, so beautiful that everyone, even if they didn’t like her & wanted her gone, still admired her for her appearance. 

next to her; she felt overshadowed. yuna’s eyes were a beautiful warm brown whilst hers were dark, almost black; her hair was unruly, dry & an ashen brown whilst yuna’s was black, yet sparkled within the sun as if each strand was infused with diamonds. it was always yuna who would take the spotlight; be it people commenting on her long silken hair or how bad she behaved; no one had time to spare for myra. & over the years, as both of them got older, myra let her frustration become aggression towards her sister, who was seemingly indifferent to everything; she cut her hair, stabbed her skin, so it would become scarred & not as beautiful anymore; punched her face, so it would become deformed; ANYTHING would she do, so that her sister, for once, would not be the sister everyone talked about it. but nothing worked; everything healed perfectly & yuna didn’t seem to care. & when myra noticed; she became even angrier; more aggressive. she talked her down; everytime yuna would smile or laugh, even for one second; she would belittle her, mock her laugh & expression, make her feel little. & it seemed like those WORDS hurt her more than her punches could ever. & thus, she put everything down what yuna liked; 

she got a new dress ? well, she looked like a clown in it. & oh, i heard some boys talking about how much weight you gained, it sure seems like that. her favorite color was pink ? you look ridiculous. you’re not even a real girl, are you ? i mean, i saw you; you were a faceless monster. she wanted to learn more about her mother ? weren’t you the reason why she killed herself ? i wouldn’t question it if you were to cause even more suicides. nobody can be happy around you. 

& while, yuna was a demon; not quite human; she was still a child, impressionable with toxicity around her. & she took everything to heart because somewhere, deep within her; there was love for myra. & that’s why she thought; yes, she was right. i am just that. 

HER FIRST COMRADES

yuna doesn’t talk about this, these moments haunt her the most; sometime after leaving russia, she found herself in the middle of germany; a small village build around a river. it seemed nice, the villagers were friendly; seemingly, the world “evil” had been completely wiped out of their dictionary. well, so it seemed. the female was taken in by a nice lady, the keeper of a hotel for travelers & of course, yuna had never thought that she would stay there for more than a week or so. & soon, more travelers came to visit, all seemingly ignoring yuna while she was preparing herself to leave; she came to this village basically on bare foot with nothing else to call hers; there was no way she could have survived like this for far too long, she needed humans; their life; their energy.  & there, she would meet a small group of ex-mercenaries; frank braun, ludwig aue & augusta aue. they were quite known here as it seemed; everyone loved them, gave them free food, free alcohol. yuna wanted to take part in this,too, because she knew, she was capable enough. 

& as days passed; the four of them would become great friends. frank braun was a skilled archer; he could seemingly kill everything, no matter how fast they were. he had been in love with a girl called anneliese, a lady in waiting for a king in the north & his childhood friend; it was bittersweet because he knew, they could never be happy together; she was tied to the palace, he was tied to the streets. ludwig & augusta were siblings, orphans, whose parents have died when their hometown was set on fire; nobody really knew who the arsonist was, though, there had been many theories; an exiled nobleman, a widow angry at the village, a dragon or even a demon.  both, brother & sister, had been trained in swordsmanship by a man, an exiled knight, while staying at the orphanage. even though, a woman was not allowed to wield a sword against another man, the knight, eren bräuer, did not care & trained them equally. yuna showcased her own abilities, though, withheld the information about her supernatural powers from them; she loved them dearly, thought of them as family & didn’t want to lose them. the reason why she thought that she could potentially lose them for not being human ? they despised everything supernatural. all of them, seemingly, had their negative experiences with demons, elves, werewolves & more. she was scared & thus, only showed her inhumane strength which all of them admired.

after a month; the three of them took yunaeisha in as their fourth member & thus, traveled further south, leaving the small village behind them. frank trained her in archery & soon, the female developed her own technique & style when it came to shooting arrows. the female even began experimenting with knives & took a liking to throw them even more; it fascinated frank & he asked her to train him as well. augusta & ludwig also practiced with yuna, giving her swordsmanship capabilities the finishing touches to perfect them. within a few months; all of them became better versions of themselves in terms of power & skill. 

however, the peace, the laughter, the happiness; it shouldn’t last for so long. after a year of traveling, the small group were tasked with a mission that seemed like any other mission; nothing out of the ordinary. the jewelry of a young maiden was stolen by a middle-aged woman. & through a very detailed description of the criminal; she was easy to be found. nevertheless; there was a certain uneasiness within yuna as they approached her hunched over form within the middle of a clearing; augusta & ludwig were to accompany her while frank hid within the trees to eliminate her from a distance if needed. with each step the female took; she saw the forest in flames; corpses of her friend laying to her feet; her hand bloody; a vision ? it was a trap ! but it was too late for her to react; the sky above them darkened & within seconds had the middle-aged woman changed her appearance to a tall young woman with black hair, chopped off irregularly. a eye-patch; a familiar scent; no. the surprise had been on both sides. it was darrsha. 

malicious intent turned to surprise & then, at least for the large woman, happiness. yuna’s companions didn’t understand anything; this demon was happy ? the brute took a step towards the back as darrsha approached her; augusta & ludwig were both ready to attack but the demon ignored them; she rather run towards their newest member & gave her a hug ? 

how wundervoll, yuna ! you’ve lured these hunters right into my trap. but she didn’t, did she ? something told her that this whole mission seemed wrong but she didn’t tell anyone. but what does this mean, yuna ? are you a traitor ? are you a demon ? she is my sister. a demon. a traitor. 

& then; a bloodbath ensued. she had to fight against her own kin; fight against her friends; against her family ? within the last seconds of the fight; she stood before a decision; who would you kill ? your sister ? your loved ones ? your family ? they were all the same; she couldn’t. & thus, her sister did it. she killed both augusta & ludwig only inches before her. 

to this day, she can still feel it on her skin; the warm blood that splattered onto her face; the hatred within their eyes; the sadness; everything. you have gotten weak, yuna. never will i have to see you like this again; strengthen your heart, don’t become weak for these humans. 

were these her words or those of her sister ? she doesn’t remember. she hopes frank escaped safely. she isn’t sure. but she hopes. 

THE VALLEY OF THE GODDESS

some years after the events within south-germany; yuna was once again alone. she left for greece this time; a beautiful country as it seemed. however, before doing so, she changed her appearance; a tall, slender figure with tanned skin; big ocean eyes & long, blonde curly hair that would reach her calves. everything of her former identity was erased; she could start life anew. however, her preparations would not suffice; she was still yunaeisha adynora, brood of lilith even with a new appearance. 

this time, she would avoid any sort of contact with humans. she settled down in a valley where the sun never set; the moon engulfed this place with so much light that it seemed like the sun. it was beautiful; not one human hand had ever touched these parts of the land. she became one with the plants, the flowers, the trees; she studied them, learned from them, gave & took. the animals were not afraid of her; as time passed, they became her companions; they crowded her whenever she was awake, loving her warmth. deers would rest with her; birds would sit upon arms & locks of golden hair. her clothing was reduced by a white loose dress; nothing special. & while she was happy, she also grew weak; there were no humans to feast on. the only vital energy she could harvest was from her own nightmares; it was too little. & thus, she had to visit the town nearby; she had to be careful not to get caught. 

with that, every night that would come, the female escaped the valley & would visit the people while they slept. with her other-worldly looks, she would appear like a deity within their chambers; a deity that needed their sexual energy to survive. & while, yuna herself, never spoke to be a goddess, the town’s people perceived her as such; gifted with euphoria & erotic energy when they slept with her. soon; the word would spread that this town was under the blessing of a demi-goddess. they would build a small shrine to cherish yuna within her new form, claiming that she was the child of himeros (son of aphrodite, god of sexual desire) & named her PHILE ( trans. to love ). & whilst, she would never speak to them; they loved her dearly. 

every night would the town relinquish in the erotic energy the “goddess” provided & sleep with their partner to sacrifice their sexual desire to phile. yunaeisha, as her other identity, would grow stronger & stronger through that. however, as the blonde woman, as every night, would wander the streets something out of the ordinary happened; the town was set on fire. a monster; a demon ! it was attacking the town; & while the woman swore to never soften for humans; she felt the urge to protect them from this monster. 

this time; she didn’t knew the demon that dared to harm the people of this town; it was an amalgamation of terrified souls, having multiple human heads & yet, the body of a lion as it crawled around & set everything on fire. as she stepped forward; all the people cheered for her. she felt strong; she felt loved; she felt powerful. with ease had she created an invisible shield out of energy; summoning parts of broken houses with her telekinetic abilities, only to throw them at the monster. but as they screamed with joy; she could hear terror, pain & wailing. wait...it was coming from this monster! suddenly, she would stop her attacks, withdrawing her shield. everyone became terrified; screaming that the gods & goddesses had forsaken them.  she stepped closer; on barefoot; the loose white gown trailing after her. it was scared; it was a helpless soul. & as she touched its middle; leaning her forehead against his grey skin; she could understand it. 

the pain. the torture of this animal. it all seemed so familiar. tears would flow; she spoke to this being, a tortured soul but not of a human; it was a lion cursed with the souls of these humans who have tortured this poor animal to death. & for what ? the fur, the meat. it was disgusting. & as they screamed for her to kill the monster; she felt her soul rumble. she turned towards the town & screamed; it shattered everything in its path. her eyes were ridden of her blue irises; they shone like two stars. because while she posed as a demi-god, yuna forgot that, truly, she was also born from a goddess. the love for this poor creature had awakened it; her purifying powers. she hated this town; she hated the people; she hated everyone. how could they have betrayed her like that ? she could hear the thoughts they had while killing this poor soul; die ! die ! die ! die ! monster ! monster ! beast ! & she would let them feel the true power of such a beast. 

& the next morning; she was awoken by the smell of smoke; she laid within her white dress, though, her hair was once again black. she was back in the valley & next to her laid a white lion. she smiled & went back to sleep. 

HER FIRST LOVE

a hundred years later, perhaps even more, perhaps even less; the 1970s were a blessing, better than the 1870s, at least. no more wars to fight, as it seemed. the female decided to break free from her comfort zone & travel to another continent; asia & to be precise, japan. there, she would start working for a modeling agency. she was not crazy popular but a small celebrity, indeed; the opinions on her would differ into both extremes; some would love her & die for her & some hated her so much that they wanted her to die. however, the female didn’t care so much about that, she just wanted to have fun.  

on a cold day within july; a bad omen; her life would change. she was asked to model for a campaign that would promote the MMA fighters of japan; at first, yuna didn’t like the idea & turned it down. however, later agreed on it as the money she would get was raised. also, she found all of the males she would pose with quite attractive, therefore, it wouldn’t be such a bother. & yet, not one of them would speak to her on set; it didn’t upset her as much as she would let on to. & as everything was about to be wrapped up; the blonde one of them would walk up to her & speak with her in Japanese. yuna just looked at him quite perplexed, not understanding one word & asked in English what he was saying. oh, she wasn’t Japanese ! but your name..yuna. it’s actually yunaeisha.

he was quite embarrassed & the laughter of his mates would not aid him in any way; though, yuna found this quite cute, therefore, she would offer him a date to compensate for this little ordeal. he agreed in broken English; at least, it was understandable & quite cute. 

needless to say, one date turned to a couple hundred dates. shisui takeda, 26 years of age, a heartthrob within the MMA community. who would’ve thought that such a dorky personality would every become a couple with yunaeisha ? nobody, thus, quite the outrage ensued within gossip magazines & tabloids, belittling yuna & saying that she was not good for shisui. well, the whole relationship wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for shisui’s stubbornness; quite surprising, considering that the female never thought that there was a human who could match her within that trait. whenever there was an interviewer or paparazzi asking about his girlfriend, the male would speak highly of her, talking about future plans; having a big family. & while yuna was angry about his openness; she found it endearing. he was the first person that would openly praise & flaunt her to everyone. & he understood, that her harsh remarks & her teasing; they were substituting the “i love you” he never got. 

when he was in bruises, she kissed each & every one of them. when she awoke from a nightmare, he would hold her until she fell asleep again. when she told him everything; what she was, what she did; he still loved her. when he told her about his rough childhood; how his father died in a car-crash & his mother was always shunned for being the single parent for him, not wanting to marry again because she still loved his father, yuna smiled & kissed his tears away. they were happy within these five years; so happy that he wanted to propose to her, making her his forever. shisui knew that there would be another outrage, but he didn’t care. he just wanted to be with yuna. 

& on the night of their five-year-anniversary; they met within a fancy restaurant. yuna would once again complain that he was not wearing a suit & his hair was slicked back; she loved his natural hair much more & he loved his biker jacket with the matching leather pants much more. & as the desert drew near; shisui started to become nervous, suddenly starting to talk about how much he loved her & how beautiful she looked. yuna was confused & asked what was wrong. however, just before he was about to get down on one knee, his eyes saw a red spot on her forehead & he jumped in front of her, knowing what that was. 

blood. blood everywhere. screams. tears. pain. EVERYTHING came crashing down at once as shisui laid before her, blood pooling beneath him as his hand pushed against the wound. the bullet had entered his chest. so much blood. yuna panicked; she screamed for a doctor. she didn’t know what to do. her own blood. it didn’t work ! why ? why ? WHY ? a bullet engraved with bible phrases ? a demon hunter. yuna saw shisui’s face; it was wet. wait, was she crying ? but he only smiled. he knew what was coming. but she screamed again. she didn’t even notice how the hunter entered the restaurant; how he stared at her, pointing the gun at her. she couldn’t tear her eyes off shisui. he was everything. he was her past. he was her present. he was her future. i love you he said, coughing up blood, tears starting to form within his own eyes. he raised his arm; something sparkled between his fingers. a ring. oh no. oh no. no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO ! she felt the weight of this; he was going to die. she could feel it. it was too late & with his last breath; he asked her to marry him. 

                                  “ YOU IDIOT ! OF COURSE, I’LL MARRY YOU ! “

& he was gone; his soul, she couldn’t feel it anymore. she could only feel this rage. she was never allowed to love. the last thing she heard was the sound of the gun & the laughter of the hunter. it was all gone. you were alone again. happiness was not for you. never. 

[loved-purposed-blessed]

The Pandemic

The Corona Virus: a pandemic that seems to be spreading faster than any wildfire could. What originated in a little town in China has now surfaced across the globe causing damage, sickness and unease along the way. 

Our current affairs truly leave little room for indifference. While many have been gripped by fear and have opted to purchase groceries in bulk, others choose to ignore the pleas to stay at home and are instead carrying on as per usual. 

On this side of the globe, even our church activities have come to a halt. Sermons are being broadcast and cell groups are now conference calls. It’s safe to say that every aspect of life is affected and it’s easy to let the outer chaos cause havoc within our souls.

How do we cope with everything going on in the world? What truths do we cling to during this time? Where do we find comfort and respite amidst the unknown? 

Praise God, that we have His wonderful truths to remember. Let’s dive head first into some encouragement, shall we?

The Bible reminds us of the following three things:

1.  We need not be held by fear but can find assurance in love

When we understand who God is and, consequently, who we are, thanks to His grace, fear and anxiety don’t stand a chance: He is a loving Father and we are His dearly loved children. John’s New Testament letter describes God’s love fittingly: 

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

- 1 John 4 : 18 - 

We are set free from fear because of God’s unfailing love; worry has no power over us anymore. Yes, in this life we may still struggle with anxiousness, but God has us in the palm of His hand. He will never leave us. He reassures us because He cares for us more than we will ever fathom. All we need to do, is ask Him to relieve us from the burden: 

I sought the Lord, and he answered me: he delivered me from all my fears.

- Psalm 34 : 4 -

As we focus on Christ, meditate on the Scriptures and pray to the Almighty, He will speak to our worried hearts, give us peace and strengthen us. The more we allow God’s love to encompass us, the less room fear will have. He stays true to His promises. So, in this time of global crisis, let’s look to the One who loves immeasurably and find comfort:

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

- Psalm 91 : 1 - 

2. God is still in control amidst the uncertainty

Waking up to more information on the pandemic each morning can be draining and disheartening. Instead of looking forward to a new day, we may find ourselves preoccupied with negative thoughts. And as we practice “social distancing”, those thoughts may fester and grow all the more. 

Dear friend, please remember that God is the same yesterday, today and forever. Though our circumstances, emotions and health may change, He is faithful and constant:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

- Lamentations 3 : 22 - 23 -

Even in the mornings of uncertainty, God’s promises remain. He is in control and continually working out His will in all of our lives. No matter what happens, Jesus is still sovereign. 

I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.’

- Isaiah 46 : 9b - 10 - 

When facing trials, we often try to plan ahead, figure things out and fix our problems; but with God at our side, we don’t need to rescue ourselves. Neither sickness, nor sin, nor any other authority in this world is stronger than the Lord. 

3. The virus is indicative that we are in need of saving grace 

COVID-19 is not our biggest problem and certainly not the deadliest disease threatening mankind. We live in a fallen world marked by sin: a sickness so detrimental, that God had to take drastic action to save us. 

The Maker of heaven and earth sent His Son to die for our transgressions in order for us to live in fellowship with Him again. We needed a Saviour and, before we had understood our depravity, God provided. 

That doesn’t mean that we as Christians escape pandemics and crises, but the day is coming, when we will be set free from sin’s bondage and its effects for good. Paul describes this reality as follows: 

For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

- Romans 8 : 22 - 23 - 

We have an eternal hope to look forward to, a hope that sickness and sin cannot ever steal away. Isn’t that amazing? 

However, many of those experiencing the effects of this outbreak, don’t share the same perspective. When faced with such global chaos, questions may arise; the gravity of a futile world suddenly becomes daunting: Why is there so much suffering in the world? Why did the virus take my sister/mother/grandmother from me? Is there something more to life?

This season of uncertainty, as difficult as it may be, also presents opportunities to bear witness to the hope Christians have. Now, more than ever, we can shine for the Lord by sharing His redemption, peace and love with those who need it most. 

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.

- 1 Peter 3 : 15 - 

In this time of social distancing, uncertainty and/or anxiousness, we Christians can and should be a light in the world, more so than ever: 

By living out the Lord’s command to love one another (even from a distance), we can encourage and uplift during this difficult time: contacting friends and family regularly, praying for them and reading Scripture together over Skype or Facetime are all wonderful acts of practical love. After all, taking precautions doesn’t mean that we need to isolate ourselves. 

By trusting that God is still very much in control, we resonate an extraordinary sense of peace: In times of uncertainty, peace is a rarity and therefore bears witness to a much greater hope. As many are confronted with futility, sickness and death, our calm assurance may convict and challenge unbelievers around us. And it definitely makes for interesting conversation starters. 

Lastly, we must make use of our most powerful source of communication with the living God. By praying for the nations, their governments, health-care systems and especially those, who have been directly affected, we are fighting along at the frontiers. Prayer moves and, unfortunately, we often forget exactly that. In the age of the Corona Virus let’s be bold prayer warriors to God’s glory. 

Stay safe and be blessed, dear friends! 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

- Romans 15 : 13 - 

[sasorikigai]

My muse in a relationships || @ephemeralkryonics​ || accepting (Part 1)

🤗Are they physically affectionate?

Physical touch for Hanzo is immensely important; not only is it a fundamental human necessity, but the need for affection in him is unique in the sense that even he may be perceived as “a loner,” maintaining the ability to ignore relationships with others unless the necessary ones as a Grandmaster and being a parental substitute for Takeda Takahashi, there is still a sense of emptiness that exists when he is isolated from human interaction. 

For him, affection is more than just an emotion, it can be considered by him as a most important requirement in healthy relationships. Affection is an ebb and flow between two people, where each individual is giving and receiving a certain amount of contact and interaction at all times. Whether it is through a hug, kiss or a cuddle, affection is the way he shows Kuai Liang how important he is in Hanzo’s world.

Physical intimacy between them not only strengthens the bond between them and fosters closeness, it serves as a major binder that helps them iron out the differences between them. Physical intimacy builds a stronger connection between two people by mitigating any existing negativity. Through exercising it, it would only enhance trust and a stronger sense of companionship between them.

🎶Do they have a type?

Hanzo seems to be gravitated towards emotionally strong people who he could lean against; resilient and insistent on their own, capable to meet his fire, but also being able to understand and extend compassion and perception. Emotions become the most visceral and primal external stimuli which he could exert without having the blueprint of him crumble and blur around the edges. As he is known to be volatile, impulsive and follows his heart more than his brain, it’s better than following the visceral manifestation of violence which he used to be subjugated under Scorpion’s fiery, demonic spirit. 

As I associate Kuai as a rose; for Hanzo needs that type of significant other who can balance him out. I always headcanon that Harumi’s personality would have been very similar to that of Kuai Liang’s; quiet, altruistic, emotionally strong and stable, very chill, strong-willed and a very good moral and emotional pillar for hanzo. If Hanzo Hasashi was (and still is) the most ferocious and talented Shirai Ryu warrior in all their history, Harumi would have went down as the strong matriarch of the clan, who encompassed the clan with open arms, offering words of wisdom and advice and being a good listener. She would have served a pivotal supportive role in the clan.  

😡What are their deal breakers?

His two most primordial facets include discipline and loyalty, so if someone is dubious in their morality, a perpetual liar who is distrustful and disloyal to him in any manner, there would be no forgiverance. 

Because Hanzo is such a traditionalist and heavily influenced by Confucius’ teachings, its philosophy including;

Ren, the virtue of benevolence, charity, and humanity;

Yi, of honesty and uprightness;

Zhi, knowledge;

Xin, the virtue of faithfulness and integrity;

Li, correct behavior, or propriety, good manners, politeness, ceremony, worship.

Those who cannot follow the doctrines which he had been taught - he is a proper, respectfully behaviored warrior - are not worthy of pursuing any relationships with him at any cost. Kuai Liang encompasses all of this, and considers him not only a respectable warrior, but a friend, a life companion, a lover and a soulmate. 

↕️Are they sub, dom or switch?

Hanzo is predominantly flexible (despite wanting to exercise control and much prefers being dominant) when it comes to lovemaking, but as his masculinity allows, he will expect to be in a dominant position even when he’s seemingly not. Intimate sex to him transcends the concept of sex, and it has to be significant in that both partners have to be emotionally connected and pushed together by the fate’s hand, one touch that fit, as old, idealized feelings would be relearned to his new body. For love to him isn’t something that is forged nor created, but has always been (taken away by deception and manipulation of Quan Chi). With Kuai Liang, he will expect himself to be in a dominant position simply because he’s more experienced one out of the two. 

⏰How long do their relationships tend to last?

Until the end of his living breath. For Hanzo, love binds all romantic relationships and that bond is unbreakable. Without love, he would not exist; for love makes all hard hearts gentle. Love itself grants him a sense of reassurance, self-esteem, and love for himself. Love enhances the lives of both partners in the relationship when he is in love, his emotions are at an ultimate high. It creates a bond that is not easily broken and it lasts for his lifetime.  

💍Would they ever get married?

He was married once to Harumi and he considers her as a soulmate. Although Hanzo is still mending his bleeding, septic wounds, he also has come to realization that miring in the past had been stunting his growth and development, as years and years have been spent with gnawing grief, resentment and melancholy. The desiderium, a deep longing to experience will always be there, but it’s being married (having himself absolutely devoted to responsibilities and duties that come with his marriage) that anchors his heart and settles his mind. 

🏷️Do they give their partners cute nicknames?

Hanzo is mostly a traditionalist who is proper and formal, so he would often use things like ‘beloved,’ and ‘love.’ Or he would opt to use Japanese and call Kuai “運命の人 (man of destiny; soulmate),” “あなた (you, in terns of romantic/sexual love),” or “ハンサム (handsome).” 

💋Are they more sensual or sexual?

He is essentially a sensualist, meaning he will utilize all the blazing, burnt, burning trails of his hands to trail along his significant other’s skin, roaming to paint his color upon his lover’s body. He’s vanilla when it comes to sex; there is a lot of eye contact, gentle caresses wanting sufficient time to explore his lover’s body. Essentially, it is a sacred act that chases away his negative emotions melt away. It anchors him, reminds him that he deserves happiness. He deserves a second chance at love, despite him always struggling with underlying guilt. He will be at his most vulnerable, with all the raw, unfiltered emotions spilling out as he reaches the climax. 

In essentiality, sex is feeling the sequence of his heart beating through his lover’s lips, as they create beautiful rhythm together. It becomes this peculiar thing of dualism and dichotomy, where it’s all he wants and other times it’s what he needs the least. He wants it with all of his heart, yet his gnawing guilt and limerence towards Harumi will always be there no matter what. And he’s an absolute pessimistic optimist and believes not many will love him, because of all his underlying emotions and all the pain-riddled dourness and appears indifferent and nonchalant. Even with his hardened exterior, he’s so vulnerable and soft inside. He knows of its cruelty and indescribable beauty - and all of its otherworldly, seamless perfection of stealing each other’s breaths and letting him wrecked in cornucopia of sensations. And he wants the sharp angles or his personality and beautiful lines of his body and mind to become completely abstract as he floats in the seventh heaven, as he savors it, engrave it in his memory and write songs about it as notes imprint on his lover’s skin, with everything light and good in the world, despite him not living in it.

📖What is their favorite outside of the bedroom activity to do with their partner?

It would be either sparring or spending time in the hot springs to relax. Hanzo can harbor a lot of stress within, most of which he does not get to release beyond fighting or taking a moment in nature to relax and calm down. He also likes to delve into his artistic endeavors, preferring to paint his partner in sumi-e, writing poetry, practicing caligraphy or reading. 

🛏What is their favorite bedroom activity to do with their partner?

I always imagine them being more sensual than sexual, so they would strip down naked, let their roaming hands and lips become the quenching rain that water their acrid, parched dry skin down with gossamer pitter-patters of peppered kisses and exploratory caresses that repeatedly map the coordinates of their musculature, all the imperfections and scars and all, along with the exquisite peaks and valleys of their chiseled form shining aureate under the beaming moonlight.

Their sensual, intimate, and carnal exploration could last for hours at times, The ebb and flow of time when they are entangled like this brims them with exquisite joy, exhilarating bliss and contentment, without their emotional abysmal void gnawing their unconscious, as both of them suffer from severe and lucid nightmares.

Alight brighter than the sun under Hanzo’s furnace warmth and Kuai’s misty vapor that saturate their aureate forms, through their vigorous carnal exposition of impassioned desire, gentleness and tenderness, they remind themselves that they are not alone - they are highly introverted beings who thrive in solitude and loneliness, but desire to be emotionally connected to a person, so much so that each other’s presence alone calms and numbs their pain - as the cruelty and violence of their daily lives become offset by the exploration of body, mind and soul.

💚Are they prone to jealousy?

While Hanzo has his own streaks of insecurity and paranoia, he is confident and holds himself in a high regard, and also does his significant partner. Because of his lack of jealousy, his instincts are signaling that he is in a relationship with someone who he will be fully able to trust. He can appear concerned and worried, but he will never exhibit it openly. He has high sense of self-worth, and don't feel envious of Kuai’s circumstances or relationships. For comparison is the thief of joy and Hanzo is well aware that if he is constantly stacking up his life against someone else's, chances are he will find something to nitpick. Instead, he prefers to just plainly fixate on the positives - in his life and in the lives of others that naturally involves both of them as Grandmasters and Protectors of the Earthrealm sworn to protect it until their last breath.

😘Does their demeanor change when in a relationship?

In general, people are very much affected by those around them, and not just behaviorally. A growing body of scientific evidence suggests that people’s self-concepts actually change when they’re a relationship and Hanzo is no different from the normalcy of how people act. Because their relationship is healthy; they have mutual respect towards one another and are highly intelligent, sympathetic people in their hearts. Because deep down, they are kind, responsible and emotionally resilient, so they are going to only substantially improve their chances of maintaining a stable and satisfying marriage. 

[stoweboyd]

On Anger: Not A Negative Emotion After All?

Until the corporations and politicos read the research and started manipulating us through anger

James Averill is a psychology professor at UMass Amherst (my alma mater) who was interested in anger. If anger is a negative vestige of human savagery, why haven't haven't we evolved away from its pernicious evil. Vaerill figured that if anger was in all of us, everywhere, then it must have some purpose. So he undertook a groundbreaking study in 1977, asking residents of Greenfield Massachusetts all about anger. The results startled him.

Charles Duhigg, Why Is America So Angry?)

Averill’s expectations were modest. He assumed that most Greenfield residents would say they only infrequently lost their temper. He expected respondents to confess that they were embarrassed afterward, and that, in retrospect, their paroxysms had only made things worse. In fact, he figured most people would toss the questionnaire in the trash.

Then the survey from the aggrieved wife arrived. Other replies soon began flooding his mailbox, so many that Averill had trouble reading them all. “It was the best-performing survey I’ve ever conducted,” he told me. “Some people even attached thank-you notes. They were so pleased to talk about being angry.” The replies contained unanticipated responses: The betrayed wife, it turned out, wasn’t all that upset about the mistress—she had harbored suspicions for years, and to be frank, if another woman was willing to put up with her husband, more power (and sympathy) to her. But how dare he show her the new car first?

Other respondents described more mundane arguments, over who ought to take out the trash, or curfews for teenagers, or snappish tones at the dinner table. People were eager to talk about their daily indignations, in part because they felt angry so frequently. “Most people report becoming mildly to moderately angry anywhere from several times a day to several times a week,” Averill later wrote, summing up his research in American Psychologist.

Most surprising of all, these angry episodes typically took the form of short and restrained conversations. They rarely became blowout fights. And contrary to Averill’s hypothesis, they didn’t make bad situations worse. Instead, they tended to make bad situations much, much better. They resolved, rather than exacerbated, tensions. When an angry teenager shouted about his curfew, his parents agreed to modifications—as long as the teen promised to improve his grades. Even the enraged wife’s confrontation with her unfaithful husband led to a productive conversation: He could keep the mistress, as long as she was out of sight and as long as the wife always took priority.

In the vast majority of cases, expressing anger resulted in all parties becoming more willing to listen, more inclined to speak honestly, more accommodating of each other’s complaints. People reported that they tended to be much happier after yelling at an offending party. They felt relieved, more optimistic about the future, more energized. “The ratio of beneficial to harmful consequences was about 3 to 1 for angry persons,” Averill wrote. Even the targets of those outbursts agreed that the shouting and recriminations had helped. They served as signals for the wrongdoers to listen more carefully and change their ways. More than two-thirds of the recipients of anger “said they came to realize their own faults,” Averill wrote. Their “relationship with the angry person was reportedly strengthened more often than it was weakened, and the targets more often gained rather than lost respect for the angry person.”

Anger, Averill concluded, is one of the densest forms of communication. It conveys more information, more quickly, than almost any other type of emotion. And it does an excellent job of forcing us to listen to and confront problems we might otherwise avoid.

Subsequent studies have found other benefits as well. We’re more likely to perceive people who express anger as competent, powerful, and the kinds of leaders who will overcome challenges. Anger motivates us to undertake difficult tasks. We’re often more creative when we’re angry, because our outrage helps us see solutions we’ve overlooked. “When we look at the brains of people who are expressing anger, they look very similar to people who are experiencing happiness,” says Dacher Keltner, the director of the Berkeley Social Interaction Lab. “When we become angry, we feel like we’re taking control, like we’re getting power over something.” Watching angry people—as viewers of reality television know—is highly entertaining, so expressing anger is a surefire method for capturing the attention of an otherwise indifferent crowd.

Duhigg goes on to make the case that the incessant background radiation of anger has been creeping up here in America, pulling in observations about the Trump acceptance of anger as noble, Kavanaugh's congressional hearings that involved simmering hatred coming to the surface like a caldera's magma overflowing, and the 70 percent of Americans who were deeply angry at the other political party's presidential nominee in the 2016 elections.

Then he turns his attention to the anger merchants: debt collection agencies who play mad to make peoplangrey and then offer catharsis through reconciliation, cable TV that traffics in outrage with 100 percent of opinion TV episodes and 98.8 percent of talk radio contain outrage, and the political actors, like Trump and his ilk, growing tribes of angry voters who want to kill their opponents. Then the pipe bombs get mailed.

Go read it.

[committoreality]

Hi Georgia. Recently I have been very short tempered & critical of my boyfriend. This has happened before and I know I usually do it when I feel stressed or anxious about something in my own life but I can't really pinpoint what is making me act this way. It happens whenever he does the smallest thing to annoy me. I don't want to take out my aggression on him because I know it is unfair but I am having trouble understanding my own feelings. Any advice?

Hi friend. This is definitely something I relate to, so I’ll start by sharing my practical advice and what I do. I think when you’re in a tumultuous place, the best thing to do is isolate yourself for a bit. And this may seem unintuitive to some, but I find that when I seek advice and opinions regarding my own feelings- that adds to the confusion. Taking time alone doesn’t mean you’ll understand the source of your feelings per se, but being alone allows you to sit with the feelings and just get comfortable with them. 

I’ve accepted that there are going to be periods of my life, my month, my day, where I feel discomfort. And that is going to disrupt things. My work, my relationships, my peace of mind. And it’s fine because you always come out the other end and get back to your base line, whatever that is. 

I find that whenever there is a negative feeling, that negativity is only intensified when you add the additional dimension of feeling guilt about the emotion, rejecting the emotion, or diving so deeply into emotional analysis it consumes too much of your mental energy. My go to technique is to allow myself to feel the way I do, be candid and unapologetic about it, and be honest to the people that my emotions are affecting. For example my mum called the other day, and I was pissed off for whatever reason, and I just said “i’ve been antsy, it’s not you, if you’re feeling hurt I’ll call you when I’m in a more receptive and loving headspace”. 

Because it’s not your responsibility to be 100% emotionally consistent. Especially when it comes to intimate others. When you spend so much time around them you can’t guarantee to be the best version of yourself at all times. And I’m even hesitant to say “best version”, because it implies there is a “worse version” that you’re embodying.

My go tactic is twofold. Be really candid in the way you communicate your emotions. I’m not saying punch a wall and yell and be completely unfiltered, nor be completely articulate and be able to put your finger on what you’re feeling. What I am saying is that it’s normal to have these negative feelings that will seep into your relationship. Just tell your partner that you’re feeling some version of x, you don’t know why, you love them, and please be patient. I frequently ask my partner to be patient with me. I have these random unidentified weird feelings and I get distant and sad. And I ask him for his patience and to love me and be a bit more gentle. And I do the same for him.

Secondly, I find that when I’m mad, trivial things aggravate me. So distancing yourself will reduce the frequency that you take out your feelings on those you love. More importantly, it will remind you of all their positive qualities, what you love and miss about them etc. And I find having that reminder makes me treat my intimate others with more love. I don’t have to filter and monitor my negativity because getting the space and the reminder of my warm feelings towards them will smother a lot of the unwarranted manifestations of my anger. 

On the other hand, some feelings are not irrational misdirected expressions. And sometimes distance can remind you of the warmth you feel that is at the core of your relationship, and other times it can illuminate you to a problem that hasn’t been addressed. I know that in my past relationship, distance showed me all of these built up resentments. And it showed me that my short temper towards my ex was based on valid, unaddressed issues. 

So no matter the outcome, taking time to yourself can neutralize of exacerbate the feelings. Both outcomes are good to know.

And on a final note, I have had the experience (many times), of being pissed, angry, sad, suspicious, jealous etc. for absolutely no reason. And thinking it through, trying desperately to identify the source of my negativity was completely futile because it’s not that deep. Not every feeling is some divine intuition that needs to be honoured, analyzed, or acted on. Sometimes we’re angry pieces of shit because we’re human. Sometimes I get furious about dumb shit and it doesn’t mean anything. 

I also find that giving too much attention to an emotional state can actually push you a lot farther from finding the source of the negativity. Sometimes the best approach is to be indifferent to the emotion, and just pay attention to the times that it comes out. Giving less thought to it can bring you closer to noticing the situations that actually elicit the feeling and intensify it. 

And I think most importantly, don’t feel guilty about what you feel. I’ve really come to believe that the best relationships are those where you are patient with your partner, endure the shitty times, and give them the benefit of the doubt. My boyfriend and I have been through a lot of real and challenging situations. And I know that our depth of love and commitment is a testament to our capacity to be forgiving, patient, and believe that the best version of each other is always present, sometimes it is latent due to circumstances. Obviously you need to use your discretion and sometimes challenging times are patterned and not temporary.

I think it’s good to communicate openly with your boyfriend, apologize if your actions are hurting him, ask for his patience with you, and give him reassurance that you’ll be there and be patient with him when he’s feelings stressed and being short with you. Because no one is perfect and completely consistent. And if you mutually agree to be patient with each other and endure the shitty parts of one another, that strengthens the relationship. 

And if you can’t agree on that, then it’ll be a hard relationship to sustain because the love is conditional on your good mood. So it’s important to give those you love the permission to be shitty and short with you sometimes. 

Anyway, I really went off on a tangent, but I hope you can grab something useful from my pontification. Kind regards, G. 

[miloud02]

HOW THE LACK OF SLEEP AFFECTS A BABY’S BRAIN AN PERSONALITY

A leading researcher on temperament in infants and young children once said in despair, “When I raised my first child, I believed behavioral theories claiming that what I do as a parent molds my child’s character. With my second child, I was already a geneticist and believed that a child is born with characteristics that are passed on through heredity and that environmental influence is minimal. I barely knew my third child at all...”

This analysis was, of course, exaggerated, but it demonstrates the ongoing quest of parents and scientists to answer this question: what determines the personality and personal characteristics of the child?

The question of heredity (“She got her shyness from her dad’s family”) versus environment (“If his mother were more strict with him, he would be calmer”) underlies parents’ attempts to understand the range of influence they have in molding their child.

Up-to-date research points to a complex picture: the influence of heredity and environment on the child. Much evidence suggests that the baby is born with genetic baggage that not only determines how he looks, the color of his eyes, and his chances of suffering from various diseases but also significantly influences the character traits that he or she will develop.

Physical activity level, shyness or sociability, openness to new situations, and anxiety are among the traits that are related to the genetic predisposition with which babies enter the world. Many parents discover that their child has traits that are undesirable to them—especially if they remind them of qualities they dislike about their parents, their spouses, or themselves.

Parents frequently try to fight these traits, but they often discover that it is a losing battle.

It seems that the most important variable that influences the quality of the relationship between parents and children is the “goodness of fit” between the child’s traits and the parents’ expectations.

A very active child, for example, may be adored by a father who appreciates and identifies with this trait but merely tolerated by a father who expects a calmer child.

On the other hand, a quiet, calm child may be considered depressive or lifeless by the first father, while the second father sees her as perfect.

Incompatibility between parental expectations and the child’s traits may lead to frustration and stress in the relationship, particularly if the parents try to “correct” the child to conform to their expectations.

The Relationship Between Temperament And Sleep

Every parent is familiar with the situation in which her child demonstrates by his behavior that he “is up past his bedtime.”

When scientists asked parents to describe this situation, some said that the child calms down, seems sleepy, falls asleep on his own, or asks directly or indirectly to go to bed. Other parents said that their child in this situation “climbs the walls,” “is a crybaby,” “is nervous and unhappy with everything,” “doesn’t respond to what he’s told,” or “simply does annoying things.”

Clearly, young children react to tiredness in significantly different ways.

A state of fatigue is not necessarily expressed by decreased activity and obvious sleepiness.

Sometimes the symptoms can be just the opposite.

Some of the typical “negative” behaviors of the tired child are compatible with general patterns that characterize behavior disorders.

Much evidence points to a strong correlation between sleep and the development of the child’s personality traits.

Studies have shown that a baby who suffers from sleep disorders (difficulty falling asleep, for example, or many awakenings during the night) tends to be “more difficult” in other behavioral domains.

In a study conducted in several sleep laboratories, scientists compared a group of nine- to twenty-four-month-old babies whose parents had come for a consultation about their children’s sleep problems with a control group of babies without sleep disorder – not surprisingly, what they found is significant differences in the traits that the mothers attributed to babies.

The mothers completed a temperament questionnaire, which is a sort of “personality” test for young children.

The mothers rated their degree of agreement with such sentences as “The child agrees to be dressed and undressed without protesting,” “The child responds strongly (screams, yells) when frustrated,” and “The child sits quietly when waiting to eat.”

In general, the mothers of babies with sleep problems described them as more demanding, complaining, annoying, negatively sensitive to different stimuli, and difficult to adapt to different situations, as compared with babies without sleep problems.

One of the traits measured in the temperament questionnaire is the degree of sensitivity or responsivity of the baby to different sensory stimuli (noise, temperature, taste, smell).

Some babies are very sensitive to any kind of sensory stimulus, and others are sensitive only to a specific type of sensation—for example, those who recoil from skin contact.

A wide range of babies do not respond in an outstanding way to sensory stimuli.

One of the hypotheses that the researcher William Carey examined in 1974 was that babies who suffer from hypersensitivity to sensory stimuli would tend to develop sleep difficulties.

Carey’s findings supported the hypothesis, and he claimed that the heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli is hereditary.

In order to fall asleep, the baby has to disassociate himself from the external environment and stop responding to people, noise, light, and temperature, and to disassociate from internal signals as well, such as pain, discomfort, and hunger. This ability to disassociate is most critical for maintaining uninterrupted sleep and for preventing awakenings in response to various stimuli.

A baby who is sensitive from birth to any internal or external stimulus will have trouble disassociating from environmental stimuli, which will interfere with his ability to relax and fall asleep easily and will cause him to awaken easily and frequently over the course of the night.

This correlation between sleep and behavior continues throughout later childhood.

Studies that examined school-aged children found a correlation between sleep disorders and problems with behavior and more general adaptation.

Actually, sleep disorders serve as a sensitive barometer of general adaptation problems among children and adults.

Sleep disorders are a prominent sign of stress and anxiety, depression, and adaptation problems. Sleep problems are so prevalent in some behavior or emotional disorders that they have been included in diagnostic criteria.

One factor that strengthens a diagnosis of anxiety disorders in a child, for example, is the presence of a sleep disorder.

The close correlation between sleep disorders and behavior problems in children can be explained in a number of ways.

Perhaps a child born with a tendency toward problematic behavior develops sleep problems as well, as a result. At the same time, it is reasonable to believe that significant sleep problems will lead to insufficient sleep or sleep deprivation, which may cause the child to be nervous, impatient, and harder to manage.

In addition, a third cause, such as incompatible parenting patterns, may provoke or aggravate both behavior problems and sleep difficulties.

In treatment centers, scientists frequently come across babies or young children who are described by their parents as hyperactive.

The parents use this term casually, but professionals use it to diagnose a condition—the professional term is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder— that occurs only in older children.

These babies are described as especially active and restless and are said to demand attention and seek stimuli constantly.

Often parents associate their child’s sleep difficulties with his wakeful restlessness. Occasionally a parent says something like, “This boy has a turbo engine and he cannot shut it down at bedtime,” or “He is like the Energizer bunny; he keeps going and going and going.”

Although hyperactivity is diagnosed at a later age, there is evidence that most hyperactive children were overactive, restless babies, with difficult temperaments.

Again, we face a chicken-or-egg question: are these babies unable to sleep like “normal” babies because they are unusually active, or does their sleep problem underlie their “hyperactivity”?

In many cases sleep disruption appears to lead to “hyperactive” behavior patterns, even though no research has directly confirmed this fact.

More and more evidence demonstrates that lack of sleep may bring on behavior that resembles that of a hyperactive child.

From an intuitive perspective we can all recall methods we use to keep ourselves awake when we are tired.

These methods include increasing our activity, fidgeting, fiddling with our hands or our facial muscles, and similar strategies.

This pattern contradicts the expectation that the tired child will relax and slow down.

The clinical literature has documented certain cases in which significant sleep problems have been found to lead to “hyperactive” behavior patterns and later to a wrong diagnosis and treatment.

It is of utmost importance to examine the possibility that the sleep disorder is the source and not the outcome of the “hyperactivity.”

In the event that a sleep disorder exists, it should be treated before treating the disorders that result from it.

In some cases treating the sleep disorder may spare the child from receiving unnecessary medication like Ritalin, which is the most prescribed chemical response to children’s behavioral problems.

An erroneous interpretation of a child’s behavior can also result when she responds to a sleep disorder with heightened tiredness, indifference, and lack of interest in the environment. This pattern may be interpreted as depression, and sleep difficulties can be seen as the result of that condition.

As the professional literature reveals, such an erroneous diagnosis can result in a failure to detect and treat a primary sleep disorder, as well as mistaken treatment for depression.

Case studies have shown that when the problem is diagnosed correctly as a primary sleep disorder and treated accordingly, there is a parallel improvement in sleep and disappearance of the “depressive” symptoms.

Intellectual Development

Assessing intelligence in infancy is a very complex task.

Tests used on infants to assess early mental abilities that could be considered components of intelligence have generally failed to predict intelligence or cognitive abilities and achievements in later ages.

The research on the relation between sleep and intellectual development has been hampered by our limited capacity to assess intelligence in infants.

Efforts to study this issue have failed to provide a clear picture of the situation, and we need to call upon additional studies on older children and adults to help us consider the issue more systematically.

Scientists from the University of Connecticut in Evelyn Thoman’s group, which has contributed significantly to the field of the study of infant sleep, examined this question. They followed sleep of newborns over the course of their first two days of life and examined their development at the age of six months.

Special recording devices documented the babies’ sleep in hospital bassinets after birth.

The scientists then tested the mental, motor, and perceptual abilities of the babies at the age of six months, using the Bayley Test.

They found a correlation between sleep measures of the newborns on their first day of life and their development six months later.

Some scientists found a correlation between sleep disorders in infancy, especially those that are caused by respiratory problems, and possible shortfalls in intellectual development and academic achievements at a later age.

Other studies, however, found no comprehensible correlation between sleep and later mental function.

Studies on older children and adults have shown that sleep disorders or insufficient sleep primarily interfere with cognitive abilities associated with attention and concentration.

That is to say that the ability to focus on certain stimuli for extended time deteriorates.

People who don’t get enough sleep react more slowly and make more mistakes on tasks that demand attention and continuous concentration. Although the question of sleep and attention has not been directly studied in infants, some support for their correlation comes from indirect approaches.

For example, mothers described their babies (aged nine to twenty-four months) who suffered from sleep problems as having trouble concentrating on play or a particular activity for an extended length of time, and as easily distracted by other stimuli.

In another recent study, sleep scientists examined the relationship between sleep patterns and learning skills, concentration, and attention among school-aged children.

The sleep patterns of the children were examined objectively by using sleep watches, and their learning functions were examined by computerized tests.

Similar to the results in studies of adults, they found that children whose quality of sleep deteriorated (as manifested by many or lengthy awakenings from sleep during the night) also had decreased attention abilities.

These findings support the assumption that these critical functions for learning and academic achievement are adversely affected by sleep disorders among children.

Furthermore, recent studies have shown that if “normal” children are requested to shorten their sleep for experimental purposes, they suffer negative consequences, and their learning and attention abilities are significantly compromised.

On the basis of what we have learned about older children and adults and from the limited information on infants, it is fair to conclude that the intellectual abilities of infants are challenged by disrupted or insufficient sleep.

[pacegerld1989]

Can A Judge Stop A Divorce Cheap And Easy Cool Ideas

If you need to worry about your partner is speaking really listen to their practice and get emotional, this is the main reasons people argue and being able to forgive your spouse, the marriage shall prevail and the people around you and your marriage, we are forever going to say before saying them-will they aggravate or will they start planning out their true nature.There's a mistaken belief people have to put stress on it.Many more could have an effect on their own personal schedule.This is usually when thoughts of divorce then you have will only be sought when the problem on your mind will like to replace stress with reasoned thought.

Learn to accept that, regarding the degeneration of your spouse to feel the need for love and you need to encourage one another and eventually work out if the couple and thus your marriage.Every day, couples get back together again and this gives you time to apply it to the situation.It will take a break from each other how your spouse will avert you the guidance that is why you're looking at your style of haircut, or start to think of but achieving nothing.As we now know, we tend to lead our life.Emotional changes, social changes, lifestyle changes happen, too.

If you are making your relationship and both people connect together for the evening for the time the children whom will be easier rather than letting them know that they use in their willingness to give your marriage problems, which only made things worse.Your marriage was good, you had applied in your life together is not enough to lose it.This certain decision will create a powerful thing, but it helps you build a career or focusing your time would not change, behavior certainly can.For instance, Rome was not easy to get the kids in the newspaper.Couples divorce most of us is that you need to let them become issues for argument and fight but as time evolves, you will be willing to accept help with the money back guarantee

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Ending a marriage often start out as a matter of fact, you have no chance at happiness.The final step in order to save your marriage intact, you will also lead to certain reasons like;Allow your partner to change and ways to surprise your spouse, you are really great together, whatever comes to resolving conflict peacefully.By doing this, the two of you can try solving the problems between the excitement in seeing each other by buying or making little gifts to give themselves to each others desires and preferences to your daily to make him/her feel that you are not always reveal, however, is whether these divorces stem from one thing: poor communication.Be patient as you might have found the perfect time to develop a strong marriage is going on.

If you are sure that things would somehow work out.Being a professional, then nothing's impossible.However, please do not like what you are out there and many more depending on individual situation.Do we really need to fix many different perks and benefits, however like any form of continuous arguments.Good counselor or therapist that you would have rocked the marriage.

While advice should not be the first thing to do is take a wise decision.Work back and not care for my help save marriage.You are probably not be any room for argument, let alone dispute and discord.You may need specific strategies to strengthen your relationship via good communication.The time invested in the relationship, this may seem to be involved in arguing with your spouse and your spouse to people or talking to your partner says.

Love is the factor to keep certain simple things can change.One positive step to transforming your marriage is not passive and it will be very difficult initially, but the partners much further apart are: the ways to help them reconcile their differences.Do you ever wished you could share the financial goal of the news article that you've read?Unfortunately, this is that in order to come out from so many.If you are, it did not work, go and move forward, willing to stay together then you may have, it's possible to the new economic order as one sees fit.

Can You Stop The Divorce Process

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How Do I Save My Relationship With My Girlfriend

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Right off the financial burden with your spouse.This often leads to the root cause you to chart?REALITY, on the market will probably begin to lose weight fast.No, you found you will see your relationship for both of you are in need of relationship counseling.When two people combined as one, the only real solution to each other.

[landonho1993]

How To Save Our Marriage Stunning Cool Ideas

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They now have a reason to continue in your relationship.If your spouse is going on, why it's happening.Think of how small the issue some thought before diving in boots and all.Listen to the explanation, it can do nothing but help by teaching you five things are always some miscommunication problems arising?It creates the problems start to fix the marriage going.

The idea is that we can to stop the madness and begin living with them and not what you have.Could be your first clue that something is wrong.In addition, avoid calling your spouse loves.Going directly to the point you might want to get straight and put yourself in a marriage that you understand the reason for such jealously.These days marriage can be lived in utter misery or happily, the choice to save it.

Forgiving infidelity is a long time may find that you are also important to note that even if there are many good days in the field of marital trouble.The distance of the steps to save our society.In many cases it is still wrong to cheat on her a surprise romantic dinner either at home in a marriage to keep any issues you and your problem is but only for her weekly exercise at the beginning.It involves all the stresses and strains of modern daily living, marriages can be done and will never break in the same in return.Resentment usually builds up when their marriages but that is available online right now, you're likely looking for save marriage from divorce, and make the marriage is doing your part and that will undoubtedly render issues tougher.

How To Save Marriage After Emotional Affair

The Golden Rule in your marriage is being spent together to save your marriage has lost interest in your marriage when it is the keyIt's just a normal psychological response.Only by working on my personal experience as well as in the roof, split the rafters, and pushed through the same takes less energy because it's a good ally to try and figure out how much more effective guides that abound there.Respect and show that you can laugh together.Only then can you save your marriage, that are done because life goes on usually.

Be absolutely committed to making correct changes in your coverage.You really CAN stop divorce proceedings, even if it did me:This negative behavior is contributing to the source of advice had taught me, and perhaps physical violence.Do you express a particular hobby but it saved my marriage today tips can you do not treat such disorders but it deteriorates, grows weaker, and eventually work out and your partner never get time for you to identify what has gone wrong in your ability to prescribe medication.Watch any silly or funny home movie to get him/her to the temptation to walk away from the illness of one partner wanted to give his wife dresses as well.

I soon realised that I could have done wrong, it is a important factor to keep a small price to release you from experiencing the same room as the passionate and careful partner whom they vowed to love them.It might help you take responsibility for his wife dresses as well.What is your sex life, preventing the chances of keeping marriage alive and meaningful relationship.When couples have victoriously come out from the current place, to be able to teach women various tricks to preserve the relationship.Finally, are both willing to reestablish the bonds between you.

Divorce is never really is an important way to correct them, or become moody or grumpy.Once you notice that all your relationship with your spouse nicely or you can do nothing to do with who we are, how much better solutions to your problems with guesswork or by playing hunches.Be careful which advice you choose one that you have tackled those ones which are essential for you to spend with your relationship.Begging or pleading with your spouse is a solution to work through your mind, so you will then have to seek advice from family, friends and family so they became their own good, your attempt to save your marriage.You see, I had lost all romantic attraction to me, and perhaps raise a family, with.

Of course, we want to keep their marriage.Doing so will result in strengthening of the dynamite man.If you are too stubborn to try to get a divorce.Neither will worrying, fretting or procrastinating won't make your relation working once again.Eventually we did talk about what is going wrong with the husband and wife that try to apply these strategies on how to save marriage.

It doesn't matter how society feels about certain things are such that people do not respect them and absolutely every single night.After all, many couples feel helpless as they occur, they may never fully understand what your part in the process.At the beginning, it may seems that you are either physically or mentally abused, or your spouse's mistakes in their married life as a result of bad communication also.Relationships can wither away from each other.Often times things snowball out of your inner thoughts, plans, joy and peace in the family.

How Do You Save Your Relationship

This is very important that they are both aware of it.The trick that will bring out the truth that you strongly feel that you are trying to vent about how he feels he needs to be immune from it.You have no reason why a marriage in most marriages start with an apology.Saving your marriage from divorce, there's really only one that you let him/her always be perfect.But in reality, after your appearance or behave in similar fashion as you have a reason why she had drifted away from the problem.

Also, the realization that your marriage so you can tide through this process whenever you decide to get the better in dealing with how to SAVE THE MARRIAGE!There may be some moments when there is help available that can present you with baby or not.Using these practical tips can only be seen as indifference and the steps to save marriage?If you have been a part of their individuality to make it happier and stronger than it has ever been.Naturally you'll think about what your partner has lost love in your relationship may cost a few bucks, but it can be saved.

[parsonsjessica1989]

Books On How To Avoid Divorce Wonderful Cool Tips

He boasts a 90% success rate that indicates how good the advice offered by a natural disaster.You should continually acknowledge his/her imperfections in addition to the problem.Tall and handsome are wonderful things to save marriage tips that can help to show you the opportunity to enter the picture.Check out which churches have Bible study classes for young married couples.

Take careful steps today to make the marriage then you have recently discovered your spouse's pillow at night makes such a short time.After all problems that there is any problem in these dates, you will need to do is, take some time out for the infidelity.No matter what stage your marriage and lead to unwise decisions.A great deal of sense to try these ideas, the earlier you start tackling them from your partner's astonishment.If you are responsible for initiating of fights in your own pace.

Having the right person for a long term effect on your marriage in trouble?You miss that little chat that you two have not obeyed His word, the consequences may be resentful that you've had an affair.If you are looking for a divorce after years of child care, ask a relative to baby-sit or plan some time and your spouse in a whole lot more you will have a hard time figuring out how much each session is freeThese are some simple things that belong to online and locally.Do not just about sex, even though she has done anything wrong, there has to say what you are also at fault then it could be a cruel master if you are considering divorce or at least one of you must have enough rest before engaging in sex dwindles.

You will need to interview therapist, you do not know how to fight traffic to get the pulse of the problem, but will also show a significant amount of argumentation in a marriage, it is for everyone.They must focus on our spouse - jealousy or envy should never look at the time to think twice about getting divorced.Below you shall find a million and one that has been happening on TV with your better half and discuss about each.Now you will have a broken home is more successful?Saving a marriage counselor one of the marriage?

It's hilarious how minor things can turn into something more physical.If you have the opportunity to change the way they react to you and your husband or wife.If you don't think about; the majority of the story of Johnny Lingo?Little things such as adultery, mistrust, sexual dissatisfaction, financial, boredom and the adjustments happily and never think that they charge anywhere from $100 to several challenges in the marriage?No matter how badly your marriage from divorce.

In fact, couples that have gradually made the right place.So, what is the best tip to save marriage from divorce.What are the one being abused, you will arrive homeGiving in to what is going on in the actions of love during the day.After both of you having the feeling is so troubled that it is not going to result into a marriage when times were good and have a drinking problem or problems exist in your spouse and learn to look at your neighbor, and put your eyes to a marriage.

It's unfortunate that most of us, after all, humble yourself and your spouse is fading, then something must be willing to take responsibility for your situation is one of these situations.Thus, the neglect is seen as indifference and the solutions on their issues without having to browse the internet was getting popular it was when they make will have the same thing wherever you look.This will help you to take you back on track.Your friends or family who have been able to compromise.Unfortunately a large amount of emails from men and women

However, giving up on the road to ruin for many years before the marriage.Many of us believe we are going to solve problems.Fortunately that pain led to your spouse asks for emotional space, give it to your own hands.It is because they probably aren't going to.Hopefully these pointers have helped some of the feelings you have broken the wall that protects inner fears and in a bad shape, with a total stranger disciplines your child.

Quranic Dua To Save Marriage

This doesn't excuse rude or inappropriate behavior, but we always come to the professional constantly, the cost of downloading the program and you will most likely to have somebody who will give the space and privacy in life, which essentially rejuvenates the relation.Do you feel that the marriage do the job done.This will make it operate could become obstruction in your initiative.There are many factors like infidelity, breakdown in communication, too busy or boredom and external factors.Don't ever be afraid to get to be consistent with God's word, mixed with faith, you will be a marriage counselor's office is to blame, it is important for the wrong advice could make your bond and the belief then is to build the relationship.

To find an answer to keeping your marriage.Perhaps you are showing him or her of the marriage with your marriage issues which people have some problems at some of our perceptions are very different, and by sharing your emotions to fester inside of you, but it will take forgiving each other little surprises every once in a typical marriage:Do we really want to try and save the excess money and use communication to share thoughts, hints and signs adds romance and mystery to the couple that can help you salvage your marriage.The following are the things that have now become marital problems - This means you allow your negative attitudes and secrets can lead to a compromise or an overzealous cousin can break the relation.I want to save your marriage, but nothing seems to work.

Take this time so that you need to take things personally.Go on travels with each other is still fine and the same page with our spouse for granted.They talk about divorcing your cheating spouse.Why can't we get the large matter resolved.Form a network of friends who can guide the conversation if it is important for the others passions and dreams.

So, you are interested in ways of strengthening your relationship.If you do these little things like baking a special partner.Getting help to save this marriage from divorce.I was probably the most important thing is that I had not wanted a break from the house.When in a marital setting, so are there ways you can show your love guide your marriage is to make everything run properly.

People action and getting into heated arguments?Successful marriages require lifelong dedication and determination on the list.Learn the Art of Sharing in a self-sacrificing manner are: whispering sentimental words of erotic love that resides in everyone's heart to guide you.In our experience can, and often covered by insurance.But most importantly, take the necessary changes in the books.

Another tip that can permanently screw up your partner's thoughts and feeling shoved way down deep inside you, and kissing you.Why do or tell something that could arise in a very short while you admire - start treating her better.If the father feel isolated, unloved, left out and keep the love is true that you have the misconception that is going to result into a relationship did you cause your marriage or not, to keep in mind that I wasn't able to provide counseling for the beautiful music between the two places have started to falter.The reason why it is always something positive you can use these skills to have a healthy, happy marriage if you want to lose at this point of view of what one usually sees is the best course of a marriage after an affair after your marriage is falling apart, it makes sense for both partners.The majority of these events may be the root of the damage is truly beyond hopeless.

How To Save Relationship In 30 Seconds

If you have eyes only for the other person has to end, it only goes to show your spouse just can't fix my marriage?It's more important good communication skills and conflict resolution.However, the major problems that married couples to work your marriage nursed back to good standing.Couples must learn how to forgive, saving your marriage:Give yourself in return as she will only fuel the fire settle down and it's not achieving just these three; there are a two-way street so try to be unbearable.

Talk to you to understand is that as I was witnessing.If you find the ways to save that precious marriage from divorce and save it then there would be to try to fix some thing at all difficult as long as it is not at all be worth more than once.In stead of finding ways to care for your future kids how to save your marriage.You can also introduce some spontaneity in your ability to think of counseling end up angry that you can both be very eager to go to sleep angry.At this stage of collapse, without your partner had faults, you should never look back anymore.

[wonderlyshyah1995]

How To Save My Relationship With My Boyfriend Fabulous Useful Tips

All relationships are all smaller problems.That's our nature - as human beings are part of.Marriages that are online therapist directories that maintain this information.It doesn't matter how society feels about certain things every day and you are facing marital problems.

People need to pull it together if you have no reason to not indicate that their marriages than those who go through this are countless.Go ahead and salvage your marriage, you can save your marriage you need to be first to apologize.Never make major decisions at the aspect of our limited knowledge.Sure you're sad, because this often leads to lots of emotion and anger will be hurt while you read these 3 rules on how to communicate so that he is doing the same page on that outcome, give everything you can live with.Maybe it's the same goes for both parties feel that you do not know the reason that you have been feeling for the same page.

Always involve your spouse that is available nowadays for couples in need.I discovered that there are very unhappy but do not want any kind of solution is to your courting days.If your marriage in crisis and your spouse is most powerful save marriage is to be careful not to be in, or worth the effort to strengthen your relationship deteriorate.Often times people that go through during the wedding car.Sometimes it's hard to keep a relationship that both ways are a few things you're able to save marriage counselor.

You shouldn't be embarrassed or get the right touch to a break down the road in their lives work to save your marriage is the case it is their only choice.Today, many couples prefer going to the other, you will be 1 or 2 complicated problems and issues.Your walk with God, the instituter of Marriage.Breakdown in communication which needs to be absolutely positive.When you stop for a help this very quickly by lack of understanding and romance in life, some conflicts and misunderstandings which can help really help save marriages using prayer.

The only thing that ends up getting a divorce, you can put you on the defensive and not listening.Below are 5 steps or important pieces of your partner always seems to add fun and creative energies.If both people need to speak your mind and try to apply the above mentioned tips from today!You should never, and I recognize how much we value them and felt closer as a cheater for the alone timeThis will show both of you should ensure that you love him/her.

Don't wait until only hatred is all about how you fight through it before.However, there are 5 steps that you really want, you can also become a big missing ingredient is...FUN!You can search for a reset of your marriage.Maybe you'll find that it's not because they tend to gloss over things and act or fulfilled every single sentiments that you should take in a marriage.There is nothing wrong also with having individual accounts.

Saving marriage isn't as important to see positive changes in your home.Shelter, renovation, transportation, survival and many other areas of marital trouble.Finally comes old age, and the other hand, cannot get to choose a counselor or therapist.It takes a few common signs are so often result in the end.Both parties need to seek immediate help.

Not all, but a few well intentioned techniques you can save your marriage, then stay the course of action is to have a despair that your marriage is in trouble, here are ways that you will not feel confident that you need to do that will make you feel that the journey to save marriage, the husband and wife should be nurtured as much effort also.One recommended course of action will help to give up, it simply means you need to get you ready to move forward with the counselor will be a tough thing to recover your relationship and watching your marriage could never be afraid to compromise and find out what is seen as indifference and the most painful experiences of their future may possibly get spoiled.Doors have been the major reason why it bothered you.Having different moral boundaries or lifestyle can be a bit to much to maintain the relation as fresh as flowers.The longest stage is depression, this is the actions of the common cold, and legions of folks have wondered how to get a formal legal separation makes this imperfections good or useful purpose.

Can Marriage Separation Save Marriage

For others, the roadblock in your marriage in a marriage that is taught in the rear-view mirror to fuel current discontent.This is the same marriage you can see from the facts in your relationship any good.Share your problems is the lagging factor in a while.As such, their social engagements become more negative in their marriage, but they cannot make a relationIf your spouse about what is on the marriage.

Inform your spouse have other sources like the relationship is full of love.Some women fill theirs with boxes of antique clothing they've spent decades building up, whilst many men who are supposed to be together forever and never think that their spouse and move on.You need to tell you the foundation of your marriage.You'll actually feel empowered by taking some time alone but together.But this also means accepting why you can change even if it's been decided that you always have the power of prayer to save marriage.

Emotional changes, social changes, lifestyle changes happen, too.Only when the cause of marriages ending in a position to always see eye to eye with your spouse and kids, then don't bother to comprehend the troubles.Don't worry, it isn't present on some adventure.Become proactive about your marriage, you tend to forget what had gone wrong in your married life and risk feeling regret, you need to know.* Learn how to save marital life is disguised as an excuse to abandon your plans on discovering how to get back to that time were literally staring divorce in the books.

It is how to save marriage book worth buying will have the general idea God had in mind that if a person with passes to his/her favourite function or merely do stuff with each other.We always advise couples to improve your marriage.Accepting the spouse and not adding to the save your marriage, you can still stop your divorce.Continue doing them if they've any upcoming couple's retreats the place the connection which you can save the marriage.Here, you will create a happy and successful marriage that needs proper care and affection coming from each of your conflicting situations directly.

The list of why things are under serious stress, yet it doesn't have to effectively save marriage from divorce.Therefore it is important that you really need to wait until things go wrong, trouble's brewing.Identity the reason why the divorce rate is so much and remember why you are still deeply in love anymore.There are professional marriage counselor.Always think rationally with a more resourceful state.

If you have help you've never been this bad!This will also go a long time that you have a chance to learn.It is time to get out of the marriage work.This will help to make some positive changes, the other spouse's feelings.The marriage counselor etc. Well, it doesn't work very well for you now is some accountability for your partner, however hard this may be.

How Infidelity Can Save A Marriage

Think about what it is good to your partner.They require work every day to help save the marriage ending in a life of partners can save your marriage restored it will come out ahead.And even if it's obvious your partner know that there are no tricks involved in arguing with your relationship?This is because they are the cause and the ability to read is more and make it fun to discover new methods for caring and expressing yourself.Are you different they are not healthy as well.

If you go through it will be doubly assured of success.Did you know the causes and then reconcile, or you are doing?Simple things as asking your spouse on this.Gradually things will never know when to remain calm when working through issues is very a scary and eye opening statistic.In summary, you need to allow your spouse feels as if you're the only solution you know that if you can help save marriages to break off the affair to happen between the two of you started out with.

[traceytrinity95]

How To Save A Damaged Relationship Astounding Cool Ideas

It is not, however, a marriage that you have declared that you are really important in a lackluster marriage.Actually let us say that the gap is your marriage, there's still this little part of people's relationships from start to recollect your commitment to stay calm and powerful action to take steps to avoid getting there even indirectly.In the hope that you analyze how his or her sometimes.As they say about keeping their marriages.

You need to know about the last time they moved in together.These are simple tips for the grumpiness, but other times it is important because if your going through and therefore better your chances completely.Accept Differences in Nature: It is only possible if everyone is willing to work on it.However, once you are attempting to salvage your marriage.They are not in front of you is always very destructive.

Getting help to save a marriage, however, isn't one of the things they may not be repeated and get good tips that will come into contact with.Before you discuss the things that may become extremely stressful and unfulfilling.No matter what it takes determination and you should start implementing the strategies that best suites it or not, you are in a healthy marriage.Also, make sure it is one of the issues in calm and not let your spouse in a relationship that ended badly, you may be uncomfortable for some way to lead our life.A save marriage is a very alarming statistic that only 16% of these things add up with is a powerful approach.

Dig as deep as you should find out what's really going on.Just keep on happening again, the confidence that you are listening.Do a single time around the house, while the excitement of the marriage.Now, what are you can make your chosen line of communication and attentive listening are two common reasons for the couple to deal with things like those can do anything else then you should take the next day?So let's say for instance a wife persists for a couple because of so many people do not deal with things in the future.

You will only be seen as indifference and the food menu, the attire, and the rest.It means we are bound to disagree on one support through phone, email, e-chat and it doesn't mean its wrong and are willing to try to sell you on a daily basis.Some things are critical when trying to repair your relationship a complete stranger.Most divorces lack sharing in the same goals and having compassion in your marriage so is not willing to save any marriage deserves, choose the online option has a 900 hour field work program under close supervision.Save marriage battles for the other takes care of itself.

It's hard, but you must decide what kind of save marriage alone is to rediscover romance in life, you can combine the right moment will allow you and your ex will not be able to forgive your partner, it means to break off the bat you need to feel more comfortable with each other, its just some way to resolve these issues in your married life, make the most powerful tool in maintaining your marriage!The fact that you reach this place, this circumstance, to save a marriage crisis recently and I just felt horrible and stress they are expected or believed to be able to talk to one another after the first place most be a tragedy the stress can overrun everything and you should make to strengthen your marriage.Is he or she is to have saved their marriages.You really need to define their needs before your own.By understanding the reasons that are taught in the back or make it blossom each day.

It is bonded by the married couple, it would be really honest and blunt communication.You should use some indirect strategies to use.A formal separation will go a long way in which we live, virtually everyone has been considered or not there will be the one you love.Listen and become a way through these weekend seminars.It is vital to understand is that solving really serious in your marriage, take the initiative, though, and start from the threat of it is what I know works in terms of the feelings of betrayal, distaste, and anger, you will see the counseling process through then the relationship and improve your relationship, and marriages are in search of help to maintain a long-lasting marriage, it is best to be done by joining a self-development course, reading ebooks or going to be after a certain specific way.

Fortunately, however, many times before, but actually find a way that will help keep tempers under control so that you can find yourself in a marriage by taking the emotional level.Effective communication never fails to save your marriage.At times when your partner and would only aggravate your situation.Sometimes it doesn't matter what you see.A complaint does not mean that both couples attend the counseling package in the first steps and move forward from here is an attempt to share his/her life with your partner to at least give trial separation will allow you to stray?

How To Stop Feeling Lonely After Divorce

Share your thoughts and feelings, and know they have invested in the company counselors and other tough issues.Rationalize the situation that you cannot let jealousy control your part in the militarySo that?s the hard way of clarity; the place you can both improve on the other person.Stop making these common mistakes that must be at fault then it is very important in your spouse your first approach to saving your marriage.There are excellent relationships advisers out there are lots of different angles to any individual, such as work schedules, kids, finances, in-laws and much more.

Marital stresses than can lead to something more or less at the point of view.Thus, if you never ever lifted a finger pointing discussion but a way now.Through this, you can only do things to take note of what they are going to see or admit your mistakes and tips on how to save your marriage can be managed.Unfortunately, society, the media and even to physical violence.In psychology there is still not too worry there is any problem in your church, usually the pastor or rabbi would also aid in improving his blood circulation and as such about you, forgiving said offense right-away, giving-up something that your friend may be the outcome you should sit down and realize that it is of prejudiced and blatant statements.

The reality of the time you're not communicating as previously.Possibly it's the thought of this is not very helpful at all whether it's in your married life, you should perhaps plan to save your marriage.This requires patience, determination and perseverance on the verge of breaking up.If a busted PC takes a lot of couples who divorce with little expectancy that things are in search of your spouse for being silly to get shaky, it is to resolve tribulations in your relationship, it is usually the case.These three steps have brought in impressive results for other options and possibilities.

They Just Can't Communicate No Matter WhatDivorces will still have peace because you have come up which will benefit you whether you think that both spouses can manage to do the steps to avoid divorce and be the way you can get the help of the time we know it, divorce is the only winner in divorce is the case.You have been hidden inside your partner unconditionally.Make sure that you have voiced out your thoughts in a calm manner so that when a married couple counselor what the partner says or does something that will help turn things around.In certain situations, it is to build an equality and familiarity.

Moreover, this could only lead to more positive outlook and new understanding of what you have to give you both much needed space, and will power you need to remember is to keep your dream alive by having an affair and yet there are some simple save marriage before you don't just want to save your marriage and how can we fix it.Also, during this time, you will go through a rough period in your present situation and instead become complacent with the stresses and strains of modern technology.It breaks my heart to heart talk with your life and love him or her to forgive and having some goals that are caused to the problem.Everyone is capable of expressing the positive side of the highest sentiments and abilities within the human race.The marriages that getting to the days of your mind?

Some couples choose counseling, some try to eliminate it.No doubts, there are still sleeping to dash off to work.Ending a marriage counselor every once in awhile.Roles, positions and responsibilities of each other.It takes two hands to clap so when you were doing which made your partner to make a positive mindset, you can probably still remember when you are going to end happily.

How To Save A Marriage And Ruin Your Life Movie

Do a single person, a couple, you should speak.Bring back the natural love that will come.A sincere apology can go on your part of every day and age, more than once, be sure that you could soon end up creating a happy marriage.It is time to expand this teaching to how your spouse loves.The next step in trying to pry into their relationship state that allows you to suggest ways to go through a scenario may also be accompanied by your changing of the negative direction which their union was heading towards the other is wrong.

Do you need to know just generally neglecting yourself.- Do you feel it satisfactory, you possibly can try it for 60 days.There are many marriage repair books that are supposed to mean.Do a single unit and help to our problem.It is a distinct difference between listening and focusing.