#their ooc quips are hilarious

[whasian-rice]

I'm this close to making a SW RP account on Twitter just to react with this person, they're so f*cking funny 😂

[love-anddeepression]

Sunshine: Geto Suguru x reader

a/n:my first jjk fic! this is all over the place i’m so sorry! weird time skips, this fic spans months btw, angst, non sorcerer!reader, probably ooc geto, scratch that INCREDIBLY ooc geto, but he’s my boy idc

The first time he sees you, he’s at a fast food joint. Satoru is going ham on a burger like the pig he is, mayonnaise smeared on the tip of his nose as he all but inhales his food.

The expression on his face as he gawks concerned at his friend is one to be framed.

It’s also what makes you, who is seated on the table opposite, snort out a laugh. one that makes him look at you. you and the smile you’re trying to hide.

The first thing he notices about you are your mischievous eyes. lovely ones that are creased in silent laughter. then your crinkled nose. and the your downturned lips.

His own quirk as his head tilts a little to look at you more intently. pretty, his mind supplies as you tuck strands of messy hair behind your ears as you munch the last of your fries.

Gojo tracks his gaze and grins.

“Hehe, Suguru.” he teases, “she’s pretty.”

isnt she just. Suguru thinks, but out loud he says, “shut up, satoru." with a roll of his eyes. They soften as he looks at you again only to widen when he sees that you're already looking at him.

You look away instantly, hiding your face from him.

Pretty, he thinks again, and he can’t stop thinking about you for a while.

————————

The second time he encounters you is a surprise. He fully expected to never see you again, but here you are, smiling up at him as you hand him a piece of paper and walk away to where your friend giggles and takes your hand and leads you to a store.

Away from him. Careful fingers unfold the piece of paper:

:) you’re cute.

His cheeks feel warm as he scratches the back of his neck with a small smile. Suddenly he’s pushed forward as the weight of another crashes into him from behind.

Satoru grins at the note in Sugurus hand, “She leave her number or what?”

Suguru looks down at the note again, and right next to your sweet words are hastily scrabbled digits. He grins with yet another blush, “Mhmm.”

Satoru laughs at the expression on his best friends face, “Shoko’s going to rag you.”

He looks away with a roll of his eyes.

—————————-

His first conversation/date with you is hilarious. Over a cup of steaming tea, he convinces you that the school he attends is a retreat for where children are to learn the harsh realities of life. A sort of military school.

He supposes he’s not really wrong about that.

When you ask him what crime hes committed for his family to send him to a place like this, he laughs. Says that the only crime he’s ever committed is that a year ago, he contemplated bleaching his hair so that he could try and dye it.

You gasp, a sweet hushed, “No!” escapes your pouty lips, “Your beautiful hair!”

He chuckles, lying down in his bed and staring at the ceiling, replaying your words over and over again.

Maybe next time he’ll tell you how pretty he thinks you are. Maybe next time he’ll buy you that chocolate stuffed bun you were making eyes at.

He drifts off to sleep with a smile on his face. His hair splayed out over his pillow.

—————

‘hope ur doing good :3’

Instant messaging is such a blessing, he thinks as he types his reply to you:

‘i’d be better if u were here :)’

Gosh he’s being such a sap. He can already imagine you look away from your phone with a smile as you cover your face and roll your eyes..

He’s had only two physical dates with you so far, but he uses his free time to talk to you and you only, acknowledging Satoru’s antics and Shoko’s quips with a quirk of his lips and a nod of his head.

Satoru flicks his forehead sharply, drawing him out of his mushy headspace that’s full of flowers and scented candles and thoughts of you. He mumbles a curse at his best friend, who only teasingly whistles, making Shoko laugh at how flushed Suguru currently is.

“When’re you gonna introduce us, Suguru?” Satoru questions with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“You idiots will scare her off if i introduce her to you this quick. We just started dating.” he mumbles, shutting his phone.

Satoru eyes him and glances at Shoko with a grin.

"Whatever you're thinking," Suguru glares, "Stop it."

------

The flashing lights of the arcade only make you look more lovely, he thinks as you smile at him after he takes your hand.

The others are somewhere on the other side of the complex and he'd snuck away to meet you, eyes crinkling when he saw you win a round of space crusaders for a little kid who grinned and hugged your legs.

"You're staring." you hum, as you lead him through the arcade.

He scoffs, "You're delusional."

"You're so getting ragged!"

The both of you turn around to see Gojo Satoru, with the biggest grin on his face, his hand on his hip and his phone positioned to take a photo.

Suguru groans, "Ugh. Ignore him, he's annoying." he tries to walk away.

"Hi!" you wave with a smile, "I'm guessing you like burgers?"

Gojo laughs, his hand coming to rest on Suguru's shoulder, “Hey, yourself. I like burgers just as much as Suguru over here fancies you!”

Suguru elbows the boy and you snicker, introducing yourself to the white-haired boy who winks at you and gives you his name.

Is the rest history?

Not quite.

————————-

He worries about you sometimes. When he sees you so selflessly help someone, or when you give up your seat for another when they wouldn’t do the same for you. He doesn’t mind that you’re going to have to sit on his lap for a bit, but he worries. Because you’re so good. So kind. The type of selfless that will only lead to you getting hurt.

Shoko’s surprisingly become close to you. It’s absurd, how you’re from a world so different and yet you gel so well with them. How even Satoru, someone who held disdain for the weak, warms up to you.

It might have been the sweets you’d bought him from your hometown, but that’s another story.

Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks it’s all a dream. That you can’t possibly be real, but then his eyes catch the poster you’d bought him and he smiles.

He thinks you’re too good for this world. For him.

—-

Markets are crowded. It’s a fact. A fact he’s known since he was a child and came to help his mother. He’s used to the shuffling. But today for some reason, he can’t seem to bear the noise. The shouting, the yelling, the shoving. Akin to the clapping that’s been playing over and over in his mind.

His hand holds yours, and you’re guiding him through the crowd. You don’t say much, you haven’t said much since he’d met you today. He’s been exceptionally reserved, for lack of a better term. It’d been an asswipe of a mission, the curse leaving a disgusting aftertaste in his mouth that stayed even after he scrubbed his tongue, swashed mouthwash and chewed gum. The memories of a young girl and a man with a gun and his dying best friend all too fresh in his head.

You’re not a person who pushes. Who demands that he tell you exactly what’s going on with him. But you know when he down. He feels guilty when he doesn’t talk much because he knows it makes you feel like you’ve done something wrong.

So he takes your hand in his and asks you to guide him through the market because he’s tired and can’t think.

Second to Satoru, he’s the strongest. But he can be just him, with you. He can rely on you to power through a fuckass crowd, he can hold onto you like you’re the anchor in the storm.

And when someone shoves into you, almost separating the two of you without so much as an apology, he stands still, stunned at the uncharacteristic anger on your face.

“Oi!” you shout at the stranger who turns back, an eyebrow raised, “Watch where you’re going, you dropped your shit!”

Suguru’s prepared to step in if things escalate, if you throw the bag of fruit at the mans face. But you just walk up to him, your mouth still in a frown.

Shoving the bag into the man’s hand, you say, “Don’t bump into people like that.”

The man stutters an apology, lowering his head before stumbling away through the crowd.

“Asshole.” you mutter before turning back around and smiling at him.

He’s never wanted to kiss you more.

——-

He leaves one night, after holding you close to him on a park bench and breathing your scent in.

You hold his hand tight, a bracelet he’d given you snug on your wrist.

The park is dark, the moonlight illuminates your face as you look up at him. Your other hand cups his cheek and for the last time, Suguru kisses you. He kisses you and kisses you. His eyebrows are furrowed and his hands are in your hair. He kisses you till he can’t breathe.

,“You’re too kind for this world. Too good.” he whispers, “Why are you the way that you are?” he nudges your cheek, his eyes closed as he nuzzles you.

“Most people suck.” you say, “They give people bad experiences and ruin their days. I’m not too kind, Suguru.” your fingers trace his features, “I just try not to ruin their day.”

“The bar is low.” he murmurs, “Would you like it if the people who sucked didn’t exist?”

You snort, “I guess. But that would also mean my parents wouldn’t exist. Or some of my teachers, or sometimes even me.” you look into his eyes, “No one good is ever truly good, Sugu. And no one bad is ever truly bad.”

He breathes in when you say that, his eyes softening when he sees you smile, “You enamour me, you know that?” he murmurs.

When he hugs you goodbye, he whispers in your ear, “I love you.”

You hold it close to your heart. It’s the last thing he ever says to you.

———

“Geto-sama! Wake up! It’s late!” Nanako’s shrill cries pull him out of his slumber.

He doesn’t jolt awake or sit up straight, his eyes open slowly, sunlight kisses his skin, akin to your warmth. He clenches his jaw, where the whispers of your peppered kisses will always stay.

His back groans as he sits up, hes aging. A reminder that his life is not what it used to be. And you are not next to him.

He scoffs, it doesn’t matter where you are, whether you’re alive or dead. He cracks his knuckles before patting Nanako’s head with a smile and padding to the bathroom.

Geto Suguru lost all affection for inferior beings, monkeys. He sees them as weeds to be plucked out of the earth, trampled on and burnt. And that is what he will do.

He will ensure that every non sorcerer is exterminated, and he will revel in their suffering. He will lead his followers and curses to a glorious battle to create a better world. He will make merry with his family and smile at his daughters actions.

But when it is quiet, and he is alone with only him and his thoughts. Geto Suguru will remember his life before.

His life with his best friends. His life with you. And he will close his eyes and sleep again, his dreams filled with you and Satoru and Shoko. Of memories of cake and singing and birthdays and your hands in his.

He will remember. That is all he can do.

[hater19921119]

damn u really are one of those people who will cancel people over their ships? thats really sad its fiction

do you think when you die god will have to stifle his laughter because of what a joke you became ?

[scorpioxsith]

Don’t you agree?

I was totally on my bullshit after watching Chapter 13 last night, I smoked a joint and, god damn I was feeling inspired, I wrote something, whatever my imagination was doing at 1AM.

It’s just a little something. I tidied up the grammar to coherency but i kinda like it being organic as it was, to reflect reader being not-sober (just like me baha). 🤪

Also influencing this, I’m in the UK and we’ve been in lockdown for the past month and it ain't about to end for me anytime soon, so i am pining for a night out (idk just some fun god damn) and some mando attention. 

I felt like sharing it because it’s kinda fun and lighthearted and if it helps someone else escape right now then cool. This is some #realthirstyhotgirlshit, reader is flirty and a lil confident but also a lil shy because heck I can be confident (lies) but put me in front of Mando and you bet I would be total jello. (also i dont think mando is necessarily OOC in this BUT if he is idc i just want him to be my daddy lmfao) 

Im living for season 2, someone give Filoni an award NOW!! 

warnings: references to alcohol/drug use. its not smut but its flirty. if i carry it on it'll go “further” but I’m scared of commitment so

Drabble below the cut.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You hanged off of Greef Karga in a friendly embrace and giggled in the spice lounge. You were howling about a story he had just told you and the two of you were almost crying with laughter. You’d just come back from a very successful mission, and when he'd asked if you wanted to celebrate the win with him, you shrugged your shoulders at him with a playful smirk “alright then.”

two hours later and you were both inebriated. it was bleeding into the mid evening, the night at its peak. energy buzzed in the spice lounge with the music and fluttering ebb and flow of conversations, carrying an infectious energy into the air. 

your body felt relaxed, your mind loose. 

it was a little foolish, given you are in so doing letting your guard down, but you hoped if you were unlucky enough to be accosted in this state, with Greef by your side you felt a safe bet you could still take most people. 

Although you didn’t particularly have much in common with him, he had a playful demeanour that made for a fun drinking partner. 

Karga tapered his hysterics off into a deep chuckle, “ah, you know-” 

“Karga.” 

A blur of silver came into yours and Greef’s vision until it materialised before your eyes into a Mandalorian. A hot Mandalorian. You had no idea you had a thing for that but it was the first thought that sprung to your mind. You quickly looked to Greef, playing off your fluttering lashes and hoping the Mandalorian hadn’t noticed your astonishment. Or…maybe if he had, maybe it wouldn’t be totally the end of the world. Who knows. 

Greef Karga also took a moment to summon a response, frozen for the barest of moments, but you saw it. He was taken aback by the Mandalorian's presence. Then, he flew into a huge bravada of an introduction. 

Maker, you were both so high. 

“Mando!” Greef bellows, “well I never. I never thought I’d see you in this particular establishment!” 

The Mandalorian cocked his head impatiently. “I’m only here because I was told this is where I’d find you.” 

His voice went straight through you. Fuck. 

Greef turned to you. “Allow me to introduce my associate…” 

you smiled awkwardly at this, oh god - why were you feeling shy? I mean…well actually...you do know why, don’t you? 

“Good to meet you,” you said carefully - you didn’t want to spook him, so no heavy flirting yet but your tone was warm and a little sultry. 

The Mandalorian’s helmet turned to you and you weren’t sure if you imagined it but you were sure you felt some sort of tension almost immediately bloom as he continued to hold your gaze. Your skin prickled in a path down your body as if his very gaze was passing over your curves and leaving a blazing fire in its wake. 

Your voice lazy, a little sexy, as were your sparkling eyes and rosy cheeks. “I'm Y/n.”

“Mando,” he responds huskily. You think that will be it, but then- “I haven’t seen you around here before.” 

His voice is run through a modulator in his helmet, making it hard to pin down his tone. You couldn’t tell what his angle was but something inside of you hoped he was feeling the same magnetism as you right now.

You realised he was waiting for an answer, and you hope you mask the subtle cheeky glint in your eye before you respond. 

“I am new to this parsec, yes. I have been in the Guild for a couple months now but I’m often out on mission.”

“Is that right?” There’s a smoothness to his voice that makes you blush slightly, you hope its not obvious. To Greef, that is. It'll definitely be obvious to Mando’s heat vision, but you could live with that embarrassment. He continued, “I assume as you are here, your previous mission was successful.”

You nodded up at him, thinking wow he’s so tall and big and yes and he’s looking down at you too, until a hand clapped on your back and Greef came into the picture again. 

“Indeed!” Greef commended as if it was the best thing in the world. “An impressive one hundred per cent success rate! She’s almost as talented as you, Mando, I like this one!” 

Karga gives you a joking side wink and you can’t help but laugh - he forces it out of you when your eyes meet as if something is so hilarious but you’re not even sure what it is, mainly just the fact that he’s chatting absolute shit and you can’t take it seriously. Mando gazes at you as he waits for you both to finish your ridiculous and illogical giggling fit.

It takes longer than a minute for you both to get control of yourselves, your laughter filling the air of the spice lounge. Mando's hands went to his hips and he cocked into a stance that had you wanting to drop to your knees. That stopped your giggling. 

Karga wipes another tear from his eye, you’re not sure if he’s doing it for dramatic effect and it almost sends you off the edge again. 

“Forgive me, I’m feeling loose. Speaking of, I’m going to go get myself another Gin ’n’ Juice,” Karga announced playfully. “Mando? Drink, Y/n?” he asks you. 

“Just a water, please,” you said sweetly. You needed it. 

“Karga, I came here to talk,” Mando quipped impatiently. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Karga rolled his eyes, “and if I’m gonna listen to you, I need a drink. Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll be right back.” 

With that he whirled away, leaving you with the Mandalorian. 

You weren’t sure whether to start conversation or wait for him to ask you something, but then there was the predicament of what to say. The armour was sexy as hell, but it did make him difficult to read. 

The Mandalorian was watching Greef retreat to the bar, before seeming to roll his shoulders and relax slightly, consciously, then looked down at you. 

Then, he adjusted his weapon away from his body so he could take one large stride over to the now unoccupied space by you. He sat close, but still too far away. However, he relaxed into the seat a little more, the bulk of him spreading out further and inching closer to you. It was like some kind of erotic display and you couldn’t help but gaze at him in a way that betrayed your desires. 

His helmet tilted at you and he chuckled knowingly. “Careful, kitten.”

  Your eyes widened in surprise and a sudden warmness whooshed through your whole body. It was dizzying and immediately a hot aching began to pulse in your core. His voice danced through your tingling senses and you were enraptured. 

You wanted to touch him, desperately, even just get a little closer. Encouraged by his boldness, you summoned the courage to teasingly reach out and slowly trace your fingers over his thigh. You hear a staticky breath come out of the modulator. 

One of his large hands snapped down to rest over yours, except he didn't snatch your hand away. He held it in place, his hand heavy and hot over yours, pressing down on his firm thigh. Your breath hitched as movement in your peripheral barely caught his other hand coming up, too late and you were taken by a shudder when you felt his gloved fingers trail gently down the sensitive curve of your exposed neck. Your head tilted in compliance, lashes fluttering, barely in control of the longing gaze of desire you were levelling back into the visor of the helmet.

"You should be careful, cyar'ika," he murmured, "Some would take advantage of this right now." 

You barely held back a whine, but you knew he was right. Shit, his righteousness only made you want him more. 

He pulled back swiftly, though it was a gentle touch when his hand gripped and lifted yours off his thigh, placing it back onto your own lap. His fingers ghosted over your forearm as they retreated.

Moments later, Karga returned with more drinks you knew one single man could carry, and you gaped at him. 

"Karga, I said water!" you pouted.   

"I got that, too," he replied, pushing a glass filled with clear liquid towards you, condensation beading down the side. 

You drank half of it immediately. You eyed the pink drink he'd also brought you back, unsure if it was wise. You weren't really one for drinking and smoking at the same time, it was risky business that. 

Greef lowered himself into the seat across from Mando. "Get on with it then, before I change my mind," he said to Mando, urging him to get the business talk over with, because he knew for sure that must be the reason for this highly unexpected appearance. 

  You didn't miss the way the Mandalorian looked at Karga in a silent challenge, daring him to cheek him again. Karga laughed it off, bumping one of Mando's pauldrons and slid one of the drinks across the table to the Mandalorian.

Mando's shoulders rose and fell in a sigh of defeat, like he just couldn't be bothered with the hassle.

"I think the puck you gave me was intended for someone else." With that, Mando slammed the puck onto the table, startling you slightly and some of the fuller drinks jumped out of their glasses onto the table. 

The puck's holo beamed up a second later, a picture of a wealthy, androgynous looking human male. 

He continued, "You know I can't be going anywhere near the Inner Rim." 

Karga peered at the puck. "Ah yes..." he glanced at Mando, then you, before chaotically spinning the puck across the table towards you. 

"Dank ferrick!!" you cursed, barely catching the puck under your palm as you slammed your hand down to the table quickly. 

  Karga burst out laughing, "coincidentally it was meant for her ladyship here. Very chivalrous to bring it to its rightful owner, Mando." 

  The Mandalorian's head spun to pin you with an unreadable gaze. After a tense moment, he said, "Who said I was returning it?" 

  You blinked at him, palm suddenly burning where the puck was sitting innocently beneath it. 

  Karga chuckled again. "Apologies for the assumption, old friend. How can I resolve the matter?" 

  Mando's gaze returned to Karga, briefly releasing you. "You promised me payment for this. The only solution I can see is a partnership for this bounty."

The Mandalorian turned back to you. "Don't you agree?" 

[smol-and-trashy]

Sylvix Vore Fic (FE3H)

A/N: This is probably mega OOC, but I fell in love with both Sylvain and Felix during my first playthrough of FE3H and been itching for a vore fic featuring them. It’s probably more accurate to read this as platonic due to my inability to write anything remotely romantic... This was also inspired by @sinfromlokislair‘s Sylvix fic, theirs is a lot better tbh haha.. Vomit warning, so if that makes you squeemish, please leave now! Enjoy :) 

_____________________

Felix growled as he shoves off the giant finger, wishing this oaf wasn’t the first person who offered help. While Sylvain would disagree, it wasn’t entirely his fault that he was in this position. The blast of magic was directed towards their professor and Felix, standing behind her, found himself foolishly taking the hit. He expected a lot of things to happen, well aware of the effects of taking a direct hit to dark magic, but being reduced to the size of a field mouse was not one of them. Now, he has to pay the price of the curse. 

Felix pinched the bridge of his nose, he expected something like this happening to Sylvain, the reckless skirt-chaser, but himself? He was usually more collect in battle. He sighs, regret still weighing heavily over him, but he had more pressing matters to tend to, specifically regarding the man before him. He looks up: Sylvain Jose Gautier loomed over Felix in all his self-proclaimed glory, Felix swallows. Goddess, he was gargantuan, his chest taking up most of Felix’s line of view and he has to crank his neck far back just to peer up in his friend’s eyes and feel like an equal in conversation. Bubbles of fear and humiliation rose up inside the smaller, but he represses those feelings, swiftly replacing them with indignation. “For the last time, Sylvain, quit poking me.” “Sorry, sorry, it’s just that you’re so tiny and cute! I really can’t help myself.” Sylvain laughs a little, folding both hands behind his head. “Insatiable, as always,” Felix mutters under his breath. If Sylvain heard, he gave no indication, instead, grabbing Felix without a single warning. As the tree-sized fingers close around his waist, Felix soon finds himself face-to-face with his ginormous friend; bemused, Sylvain simply watches as the smaller struggles in his grip. “Let me go, Sylvain!” he squawks, trying to pry those fingers off him. Really, the man had no concept of personal space. “Mm, I could, but,” Sylvain leans forward with his elbow still on the table, drawing closer to Felix. Fruitlessly trying to maneuver his legs and kick at Sylvain’s too-close face, he stops; scowling as he notices his own reflection in those amber eyes, and at last, Sylvain pulls back. “This is all too much fun!” he winks. “Hilarious, now let me down, you oaf.” Felix says flatly, “I would rather dual the boar than being stuck here with you.” “Really? Because most ladies would love to be in your shoes, Fe.” Felix squirmed a little in the redhead’s grip, not fancying himself so high. “Let them. At least you would finally leave me alone.” Sylvain leans on his arm, a cocky grin adorning his lips, “Ouch, don’t be like that! Least now, you can’t refuse to get dinner with me.” The raven-head rolls his eyes at the reminder of Sylvain’s countless dinner invitations, most of which he had turned down in favor of training. “Forcing me to eat with you, would you stoop so low?” Sylvain says nothing, only flashing a sly smirk and hoists Felix a few inches higher, just above his nose. Felix unwittingly tenses up, he's much too high and Sylvain was taking this joke further than he'd like. He curses while digging his nails into his friend's skin, trying to force himself to be lowered. Yet, the other refuses to budge. He can't tell if Sylvain thought of this as one big joke or if he was really this careless. "You incorrigible---" "Aw, c'mon Fe, you’re just cute enough to eat!” Sylvain interrupts smugly, dangling Felix over his wide-open mouth; He wasn’t seriously going to drop him, but it was all too easy to get a rise out of him. Felix’s heart pounds furiously against his chest as he’s forced to peer into Sylvain’s awaiting maw. Sharp white teeth that could easily bite him in half taunt him while that wet tongue twitches and Felix doesn’t even want to think what is beyond that dark, pulsing throat. It was repulsive, everything. Despite himself, Felix couldn’t stop staring. Is this what prey feel when they’re about to be eaten? Strangely enamored? He frowns, choosing not to dwell on it, and instead, averting his eyes to the door, he was no damsel, but a piece of him wishes for Ingrid or even the boar to pay Sylvain an unexpected visit. Relief sweeps through him as those lips close, “Tell me, do you have a death wish, Sylvain?” he growls, but the older man’s lips quirk upwards, evidently amused. As Sylvain opens his mouth to make a quip—- “Sylvain!” Ingrid barges into the room, and in an instant, he loses his grip on Felix, barely able to make out the tiny man’s objections as he falls straight towards the gaping throat. Sylvain’s jaws snap shut, and the obtrusion at the back of his throat causes him to swallow, purely out of reflex. Fuck. All traces of coy playfulness disappear instantly as he feels the tiny body make its way down his throat. He sits there, in cold shock, as Felix drops into his stomach. The heavy, humid air hits him, and Felix lies absolutely still, paralyzed with disbelief. This can’t be real. That half-wit did not just swallow me. Felix’s heart pounds in his ears as he wipes the slime off his face. The chamber wasn’t as dark as he anticipated, in fact, he could see the wrinkled pinkish walls fairly well. His own stomach turns as thick chyme splashes on him, and before he’s able to gain some semblance of footing, he’s thrown at the opposing wall. More liquid soaks him, and Felix thrashes aimlessly, the only coherent thought going through his mind is ‘I need to get out of here.’ He rushes to the nearest wall, cursing at Sylvain for taking his swords beforehand, and punches at the wall. No reaction. Not a wince, not a protest to stop, nothing. The chamber groans and convulses, but there’s no direct response from Sylvain. Felix clenches his fist, and despite the heat, he feels an icy chill plunge into his veins; no, he must persist. He’s trained on hours end, he can make Sylvain notice him. As Felix is about to inflict another punch to the walls, he hears a familiar voice around him, pushing down the squicked feeling of hearing his childhood friend in such a ubiquitous manner, he pauses to listen. Sylvain stands up and freezes, a nervous chuckle arises from his throat, “I-Ingrid! To what do I owe the pleasure of—“ “You know how many messes of yours I had to clean up for the past week?” He blanches as Ingrid wastes no time in berating him for his less than reputable behavior, “You promised that you would cease your philandering ways, but I heard from Ashe, of all people, that you were—-“ she pauses, Sylvain was almost hunched over, sickly pale with his arms twisted around his stomach, “Are you okay? You look unwell.” At that, Sylvain straightens up, “Ah, yeah, yeah, just ate something bad earlier,” he winces as he earns a nasty kick from Felix, “nothing some rest can’t fix!” Ingrid’s concerned expression only deepens, she purses her lips, but Sylvain, armed with a charming smile, puts a hand on her shoulder, “Honestly, Ingrid, I’m fine. But it’s cute of you to get all worked up over me! Y’know, maybe a kiss on the cheek would help?” The blonde shoves his hand off, rolling her eyes, “I’m not…Take care of yourself, Sylvain,” she sighs, turning around and finally shutting the door behind her. Alone in his room, Sylvain gingerly presses a hand on his belly, earning sharp kick in retaliation. His mouth suddenly feels like it was filled with cotton, and finding himself at a rare loss of words, Sylvain racks his brain for the right thing to say, for something to say. “You alright in there?” he mentally slaps himself after the words come out of his mouth. How utterly stupid he must sound. “Am I alright in here?” Felix repeats incredulously, blood boiling with every ticking second, “Did you really just ask the man who’s stewing away in your filthy guts if he’s ‘alright in there?’ What the hell do you think?” Sylvain swallows and finally sits down on his bed, trying to control an incoming rush of vertigo. He runs a hand through his hair, slicking the ruddy strands back into place, and sighs. “You’re right, I-I’m sorry, Felix. You’re not… melting in there, are you?” His heart-rate begins to pick up, thumping wildly in his chest like a caged bird. “Oh Goddess, you need to let me know if anything is happening!” “As you should be,” Felix says while checking out his arm. His once white sleeves are stained from the juices, but he’s feeling no burning effects. Not to say the acids wouldn’t be activated when Sylvain eats something—-other than himself. “It looks like I’m fine, for now.” “Good, let’s get you out of there.” He’s met with an affirmative hum, and Sylvain plants himself on the floor, firmly pressing both hands on his stomach. Tiny fingers tap on the bottom of his belly and now wholly aware of it. The feeling is entirely alien, almost ticklish; he automatically heaves, offhandedly noting the room getting warmer as sweat gathers on his forehand. Bile creeps at the bottom of his throat, and Sylvain dry heaves once again, “C’mon…” he murmurs. His stomach groans louder, noisily protesting the shrunken being inside, and his fingers slam on the hardwood, curling instantly. As his guts twist and turn in itself, he grimaces, wishing for a drink to aid him in this uncomfortable process. Sylvain’s eyes widen as he gags, only able to retch out strands of saliva. There is a distinct lack of a certain sharp-tongued mercenary.   “No…Why didn’t it work?” he whispers, clutching at his middle. “Sylvain…” Felix’s voice is dangerously low, and Sylvain was sure that if he hadn’t removed the former’s weapons, his insides would have been lacerated mercilessly. Even though they’d been friends since childhood, even though they made a promise, there was no way Felix would let himself die such a humiliating death. Felix glares up at the tight sphincter from above, it’s much too high to force open, but maybe if Sylvain was lying down… He pauses, out of nowhere, acids begin to bubble and churn. The stomach gurgles louder, and suddenly, he’s thrown from wall-to-wall, hardly getting a chance to catch his breath. A god-awful groan resonates around him, and his head gets submerged under the liquid; everything flies by too quickly; this was it, this was how he was going to go down. He can’t breathe; one moment his lungs are filled with acids, and the next, he finds himself splayed on a squishy surface. Felix coughs and gasps for air, for a split second, he really thought he was done for. Arm slung over his head, he almost doesn’t notice the shadow looming over him or the fast pulse below, rivaling his own. He needs a good minute to recoup himself as he breathes slowly to even his heart-rate. Finally removing his arm, he looks above. Felix’s breath hitches as the thundering vibrations of Sylvain saying something reverberates through his body; nearly admonishing himself for such a pathetic reaction, he realizes the words aren’t registering. “—-about this, yeah?” Felix catches the tail-end of whatever the redhead was trying to say. “Alright.” and for the first time since this ordeal, there’s no bite behind his words, only thinly veiled exhaustion as he finds himself slumped against Sylvain’s index finger. He just wants to return to normal and forget this day ever happened.

[irishtowriteabook]

🌸Jealousy II

-Natalie Mariduena x David Dobrik-

{Likes and comments are greatly appreciated and really motivate me so if you have a few seconds to spare that would be the definition of awesome! -Ella 💞}

Summary; David throws one of his legendary parties and none other than Liza Koshy, famous (perhaps infamous) ex, is in attendance. This leads to a rather jealous Natalie! Pre-relationship! A tad ooc but you take what you can get in these dark tumultuous times. (That podcast, that video, that disposable camera, gah.)

-

The raucous, often obnoxious, laughter rose from the living room and commuted into each and every room of David’s house. Anyone within a five miles radius could hear the booming music which was on full blast. (Un)luckily for Natalie she was within a fifteen metre radius of the speakers. Which really should be renamed as yellers.

“Shots at the pool table in five y’all!” Zane yelled and danced out the glass patio doorways. Stassie’s fluffy faux feather pink scarf was draped around his neck and Stassie was too.

“Why couldn’t they just do shots at a regular table? Do you know how many times I have to replace misplaced balls?” Natalie sighed out from her place on the couch alongside David. “I’ve got two extra ones here if you need them” He chuckled, shooting her his signature cheeky grin. Natalie rolled her eyes and shoved him gently. “Shut it.” She quipped.

David froze up slightly as Natalie leant her head down onto his shoulder, shifting closer to her. “Gross” He said nervously. The brunette appreciated the warmth radiating from his sturdy frame. She was dressed up in a red jumper, David’s newest merchandise, and black shorts yet she still felt the chill of the biting night breeze.

As she curled her tanned legs up so her knees rested on David’s thigh she wondered how the other girls were lasting. Stassie, Kristen, Erin, Carly, Corinna you name it were all scantily clad in shorts and dresses and glittery tank tops. Natalie’s teeth were chattering and yet they were dancing precariously like no tomorrow atop tabletops and balcony boundaries. They look hot, wandering lustful eyes from the boys proved that, but they must be freezing.

Natalie could see David’s fingers twitching to grab his camera and shoot some footage and yet he stayed alongside her with his arm draped across the back of the couch. She wished he would just wrap it around her should- wait what? “David bro! This party is insane!” Jeff cheered as he and Cody bundled through together to get some drinks. “Nat organised it!” David winked at them and raised his glass of vodka in their general direction. “Good job Natalie!” Erin cheered as she and her fiancé passed on by down the corridor. Natalie let out a tired cheer in response. “Those two better not go in my-“ The door crashed to a close “-bedroom.” David finished with a thin lipped smile.

Natalie tilted her head up to watch him as he chatted animatedly with some other party goers and influencers who she didn’t particularly know that well. David oozed charisma. She admired his smile as he laughed at one of his own jokes (of course).

“Don’t you agree Nat?” He suddenly directed at her and Natalie’s head shot up, a cutely confused look on her face. “Hmm? Yeah yeah! Totally!” She spluttered out and leant her head back down, this time moving it onto David’s toned chest. The soft fabric of his black t-shirt rubbed slightly against her cheek as his frame shook in bellowing laughter.

“Pizza’s here!” Todd cheered, ignoring the glares shot his way from Corinna, sprinting over to the doorway. The flashing lights from the disco ball were so bright Natalie swore she could see them from space if NASA actually followed through on their Twitter proposal. Her eyes fluttered to a close and she shifted in even closer to David, her hand resting limply on his semi solid stomach.

Natalie’s breath caught in her throat as David’s arm suddenly wrapped around her shoulders, bundling her even closer to him. The conversations around her grew fainter as she focused solely on him. David’s thumb stroked her shoulder, an action very unfamiliar to the pair in recent times. Despite the material of the jumper she could still feel her skin heat up from his touches.

She had wanted David to go back to his more openly affectionate self with her for an embarrassing amount of time and now-“Holy shit! That’s not Pizza it’s Liza!” Todd’s voice announced and those surrounding him chuckled.

In a split second David had shrugged away from Natalie and had bounded around the sofa, craning his neck to see his ex girlfriend. Natalie blinked as she struggled to regain her awakeness. Her previously content smile faded as she watched David wrap Liza up in a hug without an ounce of hesitance. ‘Why couldn’t he be like that with me?’

“Liza’s here!” Carly squealed and squeezed Liza’s hand from where it was draped around David’s midriff. The blonde jumped excitedly on the spot. “Now the party is properly started!”

Conversation and laughs arose once more and the music was turned up to the highest notch possible. Natalie sunk back into the couch as David led Liza out into the backyard by her manicured hand. There was no denying that Liza looked killer tonight, her usually curly hair was up in space buns and her babyhair were slicked back. Her red, strapless, leather dress clung to curves that Natalie didn’t even know she had! And her smile was so radiant and happy as she let David introduce her to everyone. Everyone in the house and kitchen seemed to gravitate towards Liza until Natalie was the only one on the couch.

A sting of pain hit her as Natalie noticed David’s hands on Liza’s shoulders. As if sensing Natalie’s eyes on him David made to turn towards her but before he could a longtime fan bounced up to him, phone at the ready.

Natalie sighed as she watched the celebration unfold. Everyone was much too busy dancing and acting up to notice her. Occasionally people would rush into the kitchen for more drinks but no one really took heed of her or her down expression.

Her head tilted downwards and she messed with a thread on the couch. She would have the whole damn thing undone by the time this party was finished. “Hangover already huh?” Scotty grinned as he passed by, making some tequila. It was silent for a second, only the rattling of the metal shaker heard. “Yeah something like that.” Natalie lifted her head and plastered a smile on her face.

Please don’t come over for just 24 hours she said. Party-time they said.

-

Eventually Natalie began to feel awkward sitting inside, she felt like people were secretly pitying her or some shit like that. She made her way outside to the grass area where Carly and Erin and the rest of the vlog squad girls were sat upon deck chairs (or under them in a drunk Corinna’s case). “Hey guys” Natalie smiled and dragging out her y’s. Just as she was about to sit down however Erin held her hand out. “Agh Nat Liza told us to reserve that seat for her, I’m sorry! Hotel d’Erin at your service!” The girl said apologetically. It wasn’t a big deal really so Natalie kicked herself mentally for feeling hurt and instead took a seat on the grass. It felt prickly underneath her thighs.

“Carly! Erin! Corinna! Come here! I want to get a bomb picture!” Liza’s voice suddenly chirped up. Natalie scoffed quietly as the girls shuffled over to Liza enthusiastically.

“Natalie will you take it?” Liza then asked and Natalie stifled her mumbled curse before getting up.

A sharper pang of pain spread through Natalie’s wrists as she stared through the screen of Liza’s phone. She stepped back until everyone at the party (except her) was in frame, very nearly tripping over discarded cans. Tears pricked her eyes as she watched David and Liza leaning into one another whilst smiling at the camera. “Say cheese!” Natalie called out shakily, a lump steadily growing in her throat. A not so melodic chorus of a Cheese hence followed and she snapped and saved and snapped and saved around four pictures. She placed a thin lipped smile on her face as Liza rushed over. “Thank you Natalie!” She said brightly and suddenly many heads crowded around the phone and Natalie was pushed out of the circle. Not that she was complaining because she was starting to find it hard to breathe.

“My eyes were closed! In all of them! I look clapped man.” Zane struggled out.

Natalie sat back down on the grass, leaning against the palms of her hands and throughly missing the couch (and David). She watched as people grinded and danced and fell and spun. David’s smile was wide and his eyes even wider as he attained hilarious vlog footage content. However that’s not to say he got all the golden vlog footage because a lot of the time his camera was on Liza.

“Natalie! Can you get us a drink please?” Carly yelled out as she wriggled against her boyfriend. “Me too Natalie!” Liza said. It wasn’t long until Natalie had seven drink orders in place.

-

The kitchen was a welcome quiet from the music and melodrama, the speakers having been lugged outside. Natalie’s shaking hands sifted through the array of presses, she took her time gathering all the ingredients (even mini umbrellas) so as to avoid having to rejoin the havoc.

She sniffled and tried to ignore her watering eyes. ‘Is that all I am to them? To him? An assistant?’ Natalie poured the drinks with more force than necessary leading to a lot of liquid spilling onto the marble countertops. ‘Why is he so unaffectionate with me but not with Liza especially and everyone else? God I sound desperate.” The glasses clinked together and she shoved them onto a tray. ‘Why’s it always me making the first move? Me starting the conversation? Why’s it when she comes along it’s like I’m invisible to everyone?’ The glass patio doors were flung open as she stepped through, handing out the drinks.

Natalie spotted David and Liza laughing up a storm by the balcony and hesitation laced every movement she took towards them. She abandoned the tray on a nearby stool and approached the pair with Liza’s gin and tonic. David’s laughter shrunk as he saw her approach. “Hey Natalie!” He enthused and stepped back so Natalie could see Liza too. Natalie didn’t respond and instead just handed Liza her drink with a small barely existant smile.

“Thank youuu! What was the hold up eh?” Liza put on a faux show of anger, huffing before breaking into a laugh. That wasn’t even funny. Natalie took a flitting look at a confused David before answering. “Kitchen was a mess.” She answered stiffly. “You’ll have a hard time cleaning up after these mad children tomorrow!” Liza joked and both her and Natalie took a moment to look around. Broken glass shards and bottles and paper cups and vomit puddles galore. “Yeah. So what were you two laughing at? I could hear you from the kitchen” Natalie made an effort to change the subject.

“An inside joke. You wouldn’t get it- it’s very complicated! You know how it is!” Liza chirped and Natalie fiddled with her fingers, feeling all shades of left out. A lull in the conversation hit so David piped up. “Good job on the party Natalie! I mean it. You’re the best assistant, I’d be lost without you.” He complimented and watched the girl. She made brief eye contact with him before looking away into the crowd.

“Thanks Dobrick.” Natalie sniffed out a breathy smile. David hitched an eyebrow at that. She rarely called him Dobrick, usually only Dave and David. “What? No ‘I’m also your best fucking friend’ this time?” David chuckled and tried to meet her eyes. He set his hand just on her upper arm and this seemed to cause her to jolt back. “I’m going to head back to the party. Assistant duties. More drinks to serve!” Natalie knocked her hand upward using her thumb to signal behind her and this action caused David’s hand to be moved off.

-

David tried hard to maintain his cheery disposition amongst his friends and potential future workmates but he constantly found himself eying up Natalie. He had planned to just stay on that couch really, vlog footage or no vlog footage. His fingers had yearned to hold the camera, his fingertips knowing every groove on the device, but nevertheless he stayed.

David looked beside him at Liza who was fixing her bracelet. Her sudden arrival to the party was unexpected to say the least but he appreciated it. Liza had her YouTube Red Season renewed for at least another two seasons with a possible movie follow up so he knew her schedule was already packed to the brim with publicity interviews and the like. “You okay Dave? You seem out of it. Vodka too strong?” Liza joked and he laughed along. He had missed the friendship aspect, their easy banter that flowed smoothly without hitch.

“Brings me back to our minor days.” He taunted and stuck his tongue out. Liza strung up a conversation with a nearby girl as David leant his back and elbows against the balcony barrier. He had been looking for his escape back to Natalie all night yet people had kept dragging him into pool table games and whatnot. David was well aware of the more subdued grumpy image he had attained from the media when he wasn’t recording and he wanted to prove them wrong. Whoever them were.

-

Screams and squeals of excitement filled the air as the candles and sparklers on David’s celebration cake were lit. It was in the shape of a camera, how surprising, and was absolutely massive. Natalie knew there would be cake leftovers in the fridge for days on end.

“I just want to say a big thank you to Natalie for making this happen!” David announced as he grinned at the girl who stood off to the side. Lights of phone cameras shone in the darkness of the night as guests took in the incredible display. Natalie looked pointedly at the cake as claps surrounded her. David had his arm outstretched for her to run into as she’d usually initiate a hug and give him a side hug during occasions like this. Tonight however she remained in her spot.

David’s arm dropped back down to his side and his eyes grew worried as he noticed Natalie retreat to the side to listen to Erin’s rambling.

He tried hard to focus on possible reasonings for the girls closed offness tonight. ‘Maybe the wanting space for a day thing?’ David ruffled his hair and vowed to set down more solid space rules tomorrow.

David ran his eyes up and down her body after examining her face and her pretty, if not forced, smile. He gulped and even when people came up to him throughout the night he constantly found his eyes drifting back to her. She looked stunning.

-

The partygoers had slowly piled out of the house one by one, staggering through the front door. The remnants of the vlog squad took refuge on the couch, nursing their oncoming migraines and hangovers with fry ups and black coffee and water.

Natalie scurried around trying to make tidying up process of morning a bit easier by picking up the more larger pieces of rubbish. She kept a safe distance from the vlog squad, rather hurt that no one attempted to include her or strike up conversation instead ordering drinks, drinks and more drinks.

“Natalie!” David’s voice called from the couch and complaints of his voice volume followed soon after.

“One minute, sir.” Natalie murmured the last part under breath as she carried two bin bags beside the front door for less disposal distance. She could feel David’s roaming over her body and face as she wiped the perspiration from her forehead.

“Nat. Come sit down.” David breathed and patted the seat beside him on the couch. Natalie melted at his use of her nickname and his soft tone of voice but quickly resumed her tidying of the table, brushing wrappers into the dustpan. She made brief eye contact with him, brown eyes meeting brown eyes. “I’ve gotta get this down David.” Natalie sniffled, now shivering from the cold dawn breeze.

David bit his lip in thought and she tried not to make it obvious she was watching from the corner of her eye.

Natalie hooched upwards from kneeling to feet and carried the dustpan in one hand. She stepped over a snoozing Zane, careful not to tred on his toes or his drooling face.

Suddenly though, without warning, David’s hand grasped her free one and yanked her down on top of him on the couch. The pan and it’s contents went everywhere but that was the least of her worries. Natalie’s heart completely stopped in her chest and she was pressed flush against him, her thighs messily straddling his lap without one mere inch of space between them.

“David! I’m going to have to clean that up all over again!” Natalie hissed and cursed inwardly for feeling her eyes tear up again. She attempted to get off of him, despite her body not wanting to obey at all, and sat next to him before making to get up. Another sigh of annoyance and confusion left Natalie’s mouth as David tugged her onto his lap. A small almost inaudible gasp left her mouth as he pulled her back against his chest, her sitting sideways upon him now.

She looked at him with pure irritation in her eyes. “I’ll get a maid Nat. Please stay?” David whispered with a mischievous smile but caring eyes. His heart did a nervous bounce. This whole affection thing was now new to him really, and it took a lot of bravery to be affectionate with Natalie.

Natalie’s gaze shifted from one eye to another but nodding stiffly. She was thankful that the others who were actually still awake were engaged in some rant causing topic. “Okay.” Natalie said and tried hard not to smile as a grin overtook David’s face. David wrapped his arms around her waist tightly in a warm embrace as she curled hers against his chest and hesitantly leant her head down to rest in the crook of his neck.

“You’re cold.” David mumbled in worry as she shivered. “I’m fine Dave” Natalie whispered, her breath tickling his neck, her lips brushing against his skin. A smile played on her lips as David draped a fluffy blanket around her shoulders and tugged her even closer to him if that was even possible at this stage.

Eventually Natalie’s rigidness and stiff posture sunk against David and she felt on his hands being placed on her thigh, his thumb brushing the skin there delicately whilst his hand kept her curled legs locked near him.

“Guys would you mind helping tidy up when you’re less looking like death?” David said and returning Carly’s stuck out tongue with his own stuck out tongue. “I feel like I’ve been run over by bulls at that festival in Spain!” Heath groaned and Mariah pouted, brushing her cool fingers over his forehead. “That would make excellent vlog foota-“ David was cut off by various groans and grumbles and Hell no’s (or heck no’s in Matts case). David smiled to himself as he heard Natalie’s soft sleepy laugh escape her.

Even though the possibility of the wrecked vlog squads spotting of this was high? David couldn’t help himself and pressed his lips quickly against Natalie’s temple. He burned a deep pink afterwards but was rewarded with a noise of contentment from a now dozing Natalie.

He leant his mouth down towards her ear.

“Seatgeek is an amazing app-“ “David shut up.”

-

Apologies for the length! Haven’t yet figured out how to attach the « press to read more » button. I hope everyone has a fantastic day! Can’t wait for the recording of the podcast to come out..I swear Guru gossip datalie thread are almost body language experts at this stage! I’m sorting through old messages tonight but please still send in ideas! Comments and critiques are much appreciated! No hate whatsoever to Liza or anyone else here annnd English isn’t my first language. Ah thats it for announcements! Byeee! -Ella 💕

[pxppinmolly-archived]

❣️

Positivity Time

@letsstaytuned

OF COOOOOOOOOOOURSE I gotta give some love to my girl

Molly’s Strawberry Shortcake ~

Selph was honestly one of the first people to actually reach out to me in DMs looking to RP with me, and honestly I’m so forever thankful for that.

Her Alastor and my Molly had no intentions of getting shipped in the slightest, but man did Molly end up getting suckered in and we decided to say fuck it and see how a ship will go. Honestly expecting quite the bit of angst and some rockiness but these two have yet to have an actual argument or heavy disagreement LMAO.

They absolutely adore and love each other so passionately and in such a healthy way it makes me just. In awe. We gush DAILY in our DMs about these two, and how even across AUs do they seem to still fall in love and are unable to keep themselves away for too long. Legit soulmates.

They were one of my first shipping partners (well, personally I deem them my first after the trainwreck that was my legit first.) and are the one that really helped birth my love for the Moll/astor dynamic. Y’all know how much I love this ship.

I say it a lot, Selph and I birthed Moll/astor LMAO.

Selph OOC is a fucking darn cutie, honestly. She’s so sweet and talented, very creative and always offering a hand if I ever need it. She’s absolutely hilarious, especially with Alastor. Her Alastor is absolutely a sweetie and absolutely fun to write with! Selph is so easy to talk to and engage with, she’s a very dear friend to me.

I love seeing her IC posts on my dash, especially Alastor’s commentary and funny little quips. This boy is a fucking cutie LMAO

Selph is absolutely chill and definitely deserves some love and attention. Not to mention also how CUTE her art is! I absolutely adore it, I love seeing Selph’s art on my dash. She’s put a lot of work into her creative works and I definitely recommend checking her out

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, once.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Seven (30.43% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Sixteen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

Significantly flawed, and well-known in fandom for it. Unpopular opinion? I still think it’s better than the first Avengers film.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Natasha and Laura pass in a single-line trade. It’s sooo close to not counting.

Female characters:

Natasha Romanoff.

Wanda Maximoff.

Maria Hill.

Helen Cho.

Peggy Carter.

Laura Barton.

FRIDAY.

Male characters:

Tony Stark.

Steve Rogers.

JARVIS.

Thor.

Clint Barton.

Strucker.

Pietro Maximoff.

Bruce Banner.

Ultron.

Sam Wilson.

James Rhodes.

Ulysses Klaue.

Heimdall.

Nick Fury.

Erik Selvig.

Vision.

OTHER NOTES:

Everyone talking about Strucker like we already know who he is...

The “Shit!”/”Language!” gag was funnier before they hung a lantern on it. Not least because it takes almost a full minute before Tony harks back to it (fifty seconds, actually. I checked). If you’re gonna make a Thing out of it, you gotta follow up immediately, not after fifty seconds of cutting around to different character intros and action shots and a whole lot of other dialogue. 

Urrgghh, ok, I’m going to break my standing rule about not discussing source material, because we gotta acknowledge the colossal wrongness of re-writing the Maximoff twins - canonically Jewish Romani - as willing volunteers in a Nazi science experiment. It gets worse the more you think about it. There are a few things about this movie which generated significant negative outcry, and this incredibly offensive decision is one of them.

Tony and Thor fighting over who has a better girlfriend does have a certain charm to it. If you’re gonna have a testosterone-off, it might as well be about how great your partner is.

I got a zero out of ten on this out-of-nowhere forced romance crap with Natasha and Bruce. We’ll come back to this later.

“I will be reinstituting Prima Nocta,” Tony declares, as he prepares to lift Thor’s hammer and thereby theoretically take charge of the Nine Realms. Primae noctis (believed to in fact be a myth) refers to a supposed Dark-Ages law that granted lords the ‘right’ to take the virginity of any newlywed peasant woman who lived on their land. So, this is a wonderful little rape joke from Tony (or, y’know, not so little, since primae noctis in reality would make Tony a serial rapist). Ha ha ha ha. Hilarious. Good one.

I’m really mad about the parts here that are total garbage, because mostly, the revels sequence has a nice low-key quality to it, good solid team dynamics. 

I can’t fucking believe that they played the ‘and then Bruce falls with his face in Natasha’s cleavage!’ gag. I cannot believe it. Is this a disgusting frat-boy comedy from the nineties?

Honestly, Tony, just shut up and admit that you KNEW from the get-go that it was wrong to try and make Ultron happen (that is why you kept it secret from everyone else to begin with); don’t try to defend the decision now that you’ve got a ‘murderbot’ on your hands. Take responsibility for a bad choice instead of talking shit about how you had to and everyone else is just too short-sighted, damn it! 

Andy Serkis is delightful.

The Iron Man/Hulk fight absolutely KILLS the momentum of this film. It goes for way the fuck too long (eight minutes) and has no narrative significance at all. Pro tip for action scenes: they should always be driving the story somewhere. You can pull off eighty minutes of action so long as your plot is advancing alongside/within it.

Also, Iron Man causes a huge amount of additional damage during this fight, in the service of the aforementioned pointless action. His efforts to minimise Hulk’s effects are extremely poor, and calling in his relief organisation to clean up after the fact does not negate that. 

Gotta love that throwing a wife and kids at Hawkeye at the same time as we suddenly start pushing this Natasha/Bruce thing. That’s not transparent at all. I also understand this to be a major deviation from Clint’s identity in the comics, and very unpopular with fans for that reason, but regardless; reinventing him as a family man to reset the romantic blather after baiting fans with the possibility of Clint/Natasha in the first Avengers movie is such a shitty move. I was not invested in the ship myself and would have loved to have them reinforce the just-friends relationship between Hawkeye and Black Widow, because there are not enough platonic friendships between compatible men and women in fiction, but 'they’re not interested in each other because they’re busy with someone else!’ is a weak reinforcement indeed. Less forced romances, and definitely less token wifey who exists for no other Goddamn reason at all. This comes out of nowhere, and not in a clever-surprise kind of way.

“You still think you’re the only monster on the team?” Natasha says, after telling Bruce about her sterilisation. This earned a HUGE backlash, and for good reason - despite all arguments about how what Natasha meant was that her being raised to be an assassin makes her a monster, the direct implication of her words as they are phrased and as the discussion is structured is that her inability to have children makes her monstrous, and that’s deeply offensive. It’s also completely in keeping with a narrative which is often played out against women, in which their value as people is attributed directly to their ability to produce offspring, so it’s not even like this outrageous implication of monstrosity - the corruption of what it means to be female! - is that unusual. It’s awful, but not unusual. Add on the fact that 1) Natasha’s nightmare-flashes specifically foregrounded her sterilisation over all other details of her training, supporting the idea that she believes that it’s what makes her irredeemable (instead of, y’know, all the murdering and stuff), and 2) this is Joss Whedon’s work and he is OBSESSED with highlighting the womanhood of his female characters and treating it like their defining trait while also variously punishing them for it, and you’ve got every reason to interpret this terrible fucking line as exactly the heinous thing it (presumably, unwittingly) seems to be. 

Steve ripping a log in half with his bare hands is the funniest thing in this whole movie.

Thor’s brief side-adventure with Erik Selvig is pretty out-of-place. He just...goes for a swim in a convenient magic pond that Selvig chances to know about. Seems normal.

Ultron is full of such boring, empty rhetoric. Reminds me of Loki in The Avengers, with all that sound-and-fury. 

I love Paul Bettany.

Man, they sure do find Natasha instantly. It’s almost like making a damsel-in-distress of her who needs to be rescued by the team was completely meaningless...

Breaking my no-BTS rule (since I already have done for this movie at this point) because it’s well-known how Joss Whedon ordered Elizabeth Olsen not to show exertion or ‘ugly emotion’ on her face in this film, because God forbid she compromise her attractiveness by being human. Joss Whedon is not human; he’s fucking trash. 

The final fight sure does just, y’know, get to a point where it ends. They really did not ratchet up the tension over the course of the Sokovia conflict, it just goes along until it stops (also, they say Sokovia is a country, but then they never call the city anything else, it’s just Sokovia. Is the city conveniently named after the country (very confusing), or is it a city-country, like The Vatican? I kinda assume it’s option three, which is that no one bothered to care because it’s just some fake European placeholder anyway and we’re not supposed to notice such a dumb oversight).

“I was born yesterday.” This is the best quip in this whole thinks-it-is-way-wittier-than-it-is movie.

Helen Cho deserved better than to be a prop rapidly dismissed and then just trotted past at the end for an ‘oh, she survived, btw’. 

Back when I reviewed the first Avengers movie, I said that I considered that film to be heavily overrated, so maybe it’s not such a surprise that I actually like this one better. The two primary problems I had with that first film were the overly simplistic plot, and the fact that most of the characters were OOC compared to previous films, and this movie does do better on both scores, so I feel more engaged by it, and less annoyed. That said...this movie has still got a lot of problems, and those include iffy characterisation and a plot with various holes, nonsensical complications, and conveniently ignored or smoothed-down dynamics. When I say I like this movie better than the first one, I mean just that: I like this better. That does not mean I am here to sing its praises. 

The tacked-on romance is part of the problem - for Clint as well as Natasha (but especially for Natasha). After Hawkeye was so heavily under-used in the first film (and his slightly-ambiguous relationship with Black Widow was the only human element that made him a character instead of a prop), Age of Ultron attempts to compensate by giving Clint a personal life, in the form of a magically-appearing heavily-pregnant wife and a pair of nameless children. The function of this family appears to be 1) to give Clint a reason to not be interested in Natasha, and 2) to ‘humanise’ him by giving him something to fight for and get home to, because we all know nothing legitimises a character quite like some otherwise-irrelevant dependents. Want a man to seem lovable and important? Give him a pregnant wife. That’s what women are for, anyway, right? To enhance a man’s story? In this case, to provide a man whose purpose in the story has been contested with insta-personality, because ‘he’s secretly a family man, ooh, twist!’ is way better than having to spend time on giving him something to do in the plot that is actually meaningful in some way. Great logic. Makes Hawkeye super dynamic, right? 

Natasha, unsurprisingly, is hit much, much harder. As the only female avenger and one of only two prominent female characters in a cast which has seven-to-nine male characters of equal or greater importance/screen time (YMMV on whether or not you think Fury and Vision count for that list), the pressure is already on for Natasha to be served up a quality narrative, because if she doesn’t get one, well...she doesn’t have six-to-eight alternative characters to pull the weight for her gender. The best solve for this problem would be to avoid the ‘Token Woman’ cliche in the first place, but since we missed that boat...not having the personal story of your only primary female character revolve completely around her womanhood and her catering to heteronormative expectations of a love interest would have been a good choice. This weird, forced, chemistry-free thing with Bruce Banner? Was the worst thing they could have used to define Natasha’s presence in the film. It sticks out like a sore thumb every time they have an awkward interaction, and it leads in to that atrocious ‘monstrous infertility’ element (though that particular egregious mistake could have been included with or without a romantic blunder, it...probably wouldn’t be, and we’d all be the better off). Even the Hulk-whisperer part of the relationship - while not awful on its own with all the unnecessary romance and Unresolved Sexual Not-Tension removed - serves to highlight Natasha’s female-ness by making her the soft maternal figure for the team, because God forbid one of the other male members of the team be asked to ASMR-speak to the Hulk while delicately caressing his hand. If Natasha’s presence in the first Avengers film leaned too heavily on her gender identity as a defining trait (and it did), this movie doesn’t fix that problem at all: it doubles down on it. 

The good news for most of the excess of male characters is, they by-and-large don’t feel as OOC as they did in the first film. The boorish romantic entanglement aside, Bruce Banner is still a naturalistic character highlight (all credit to Mark Ruffalo, who probably doesn’t know how to turn in a bad performance in the first place), and Thor’s dialogue is way less ridiculous this time ‘round, so he lands a lot closer to his personality from previous films simply by virtue of sounding like the same guy (unfortunately, the plot does not have the faintest idea what it wants to do with him as a character). Steve Rogers is still being written as if being Captain America is his character, which is a fundamental misunderstanding of his identity, albeit one which conveniently allows him to behave in a stereotypical self-righteously bland manner, thus avoiding the need for any nuance in his perspective or actions. This borderline fanfic-flamer ‘Captain America is my least favourite character so I’m going to write him as a boring stick-in-the-mud and then hopefully no one else will like him either!’ approach doesn’t grate quite as badly as it did in the first Avengers, and it can’t cancel out the innate level-headed charm of Chris Evans, so as disappointing as the bias is, it’s still a better balance here than it was last time. The one character who is not so flatteringly handled, however? Also happens to be the one who was arguably handled best last time, and unfortunately, he’s the one who is essentially treated as the ‘lead’. 

The big problem for Tony Stark is that this movie is not interested in digging in to the pathos of any character, it’s all-flash-no-substance on that front, and Tony really, really needed a less heavy-handed slathering of ‘afraid of what might come (feat. messiah complex)’ to motivate his actions and reactions in this film, because without any exploration he’s basically just a billionaire kid playing with matches. If this were an Iron Man film (either the first or third one, anyway), we’d get into some tasty deconstruction of Tony’s mental state and confront his hubris, etc, and - crucially, most crucial of all, it’s a mainstay of all his past stories in the MCU - Tony would own up to his mistakes, listen to the advice of those around him, and take contrite steps toward fixing the problem not just in the direct sense of ‘beating the bad guy’, but also in the personal and emotional sense of working on his own flaws and making amends with the people he hurt along the way. This movie offers none of that. To begin with, Tony’s ‘I know best and I will not be taking any questions’ approach to creating Ultron feels like a significant step backwards in his character development so far (Iron Man 3 was specifically about addressing his PTSD and associated tumultuous emotions surrounding the fear of imminent alien invasion, so his reactionary and secretive behaviour in this film feels particularly out-of-touch with a mental reality Tony has been explicitly working on for the past couple of years); Tony is actively aware that it’s a bad call and thus hides it from the other Avengers until it’s too late, and then he’s bizarrely unrepentant about his mistake. Worst of all, he actually attempts to repeat that mistake, only worse, late in the film (the fact that his idiotic ‘mad scientist’ pep talk actually convinces Bruce to help him again is the weakest character moment for Bruce outside of the aforementioned romance crap). The plot rewards Tony’s second, far worse mistake, in the creation of Vision, who turns out to be ‘worthy of wielding Thor’s Hammer’ and whatnot and conveniently provides every necessary skill to defeat Ultron in a deus ex machina so overt you could use it as a textbook example, so even though Tony had absolutely no way of knowing that he’d get a good result this time and almost every reason to believe he’d just compound the existing problem, his reckless disregard for the literal safety of the planet is treated like a good thing because it happens to work out this time, and they just kinda sweep under the rug the fact that Tony is playing God (and being uncharacteristically stupid and selfish about it - in other films, Tony is normally only reckless with his own safety, and it’s when his actions spill out into unintended consequences for others that he realises the error of his ways and cues up a positive learning curve; it’s what makes him palatable). At the end of the film, once Ultron is gone and Tony has thrown some dispassionate wads of cash into ‘relief efforts’, he strolls and quips and eventually drives off into the sunset in his expensive car, with nary a mention of, I dunno, maybe a little guilty conscience? Maybe a hint of having learned a valuable lesson? The closest he gets is just suggesting that it might be time he retires from Avenging, but neither he nor anyone else lets on that there’s a need for serious self-reflection. The Tony Stark in this movie is the nightmarish male-fantasy version of the character, the playboy with the cool tech and no limits who does whatever he wants and then...literally rides off into the sunset in the end, no muss, no fuss. He’s kinda like a complete reversion to his original self, pre-Iron Man, frittering money around and designing weapons of mass destruction while convincing himself he’s bringing peace to the world one explosion at a time, but that Tony has no business here, seven years of character development down the track.

While we’re talking iffy characterisation, we should also segue into plot, and that’s something we can do easily enough by looking at our villain, Ultron. Calling Ultron an actual character feels...ambitious. He’s a CGI robot full of empty rhetoric and, you guessed it, more of those quips that this movie has in place of any meaningful dialogue. I’d call him self-fellating, but he ain’t got nothing to fellate, so instead he just blathers a lot in a manner that sounds vaguely poetically intelligent but is, upon a moment’s consideration, just vapid nonsense (much like Loki in the first Avengers, as noted above, but at least Loki had the benefit of a flesh-and-blood actor delivering his lines with conviction; James Spader does solid work as the voice of Ultron, but trying to make a CGI robot who spouts a school-kid’s attempt at edgy philosophy sound like a genuine menace is an uphill battle). Speaking of genuine menace, I assume the reason the film is called Age of Ultron is because A Couple of Days of Ultron Causing Disturbances in a Handful of Specific Locations was too much. For all the big talk (and there is..so much), Ultron doesn’t get up to all that much trouble, most notably in the sense that he apparently has his code all over the internet and yet he doesn’t bother stirring up a single ounce of chaos with that ungodly power. Why bother including this as an element of the character if it achieves zero story? Is it purely to make Ultron seem ~unstoppable~ because he keeps downloading into new robots? Because it didn’t really land, y’all. They try to play it like a big victory for the good guys when Vision burns Ultron out of the ‘net, but in context it’s meaningless because he didn’t do anything while he was there. Pretty much everything about Ultron was all talk, little to no action - even a whole bunch of the trouble he did cause happened off-screen, with Maria Hill just popping in to let us know that ‘there are reports of metal men stealing shit’. Cheers, cool. And you know, Ultron makes a song and dance about how he’s going to save the world by ‘ending the Avengers’, but then he...does not pursue that at all. He tries to make himself a pretty body, the Avengers thwart him, and then he enacts a doomsday machine to destroy all life on Earth. Like every other aspect of the character, the whole ‘end the Avengers’ schtick is just white noise, there’s no meaning in it. Ultron is just a same-old-same ‘What if Artificial Intelligence wants to WIPE US OUT?!’ cliche, and maybe that’s what he was in the comics too, I don’t know, but it’s the job of the film to tell that story in a dynamic way, and they had two and a half hours to do it. And yet.

There should be more to this than a nondescript placeholder villain concept and a series of action set pieces that just kinda happen until they stop. At least the first Avengers had some variety in each of its action sequences, using the location and the different skills and weapons of its antagonists, whereas this one is just ‘there are robots and the good guys punched and shot them until they were all broken, the end’. Even making the city fly in the end doesn’t actually make it interesting, not least because the characters spend most of their time running around the (weirdly, perfectly stable) streets not having to deal with any consequences of being up in the air anyway, and the doomsday device is too nebulous to ratchet up any real tension about figuring out how to deal with it. The conflicts with the Maximoff twins have at least some spark of life in them, but the characters themselves are treated to an over-simplified and very contrived narrative arc that uses what they do and what they know more as plot devices than as details of actual people’s lives, leading to a cheap death for Pietro so that Wanda will be distracted enough to abandon the big ol’ doomsday button, and it’s just all so convenient. There’s no heart in any of it, and it makes the moments that try to have heart all the more embarrassing and out-of-place (don’t even get me started on what a prescribed attempt at tugging the heart-strings it is to have Hawkeye name his magnificently well-timed newborn after Pietro, because DAMN). When I said I liked this movie better than the first Avengers, I meant just that: I like this better. That’s not to suggest that it is significantly better in any sense, because it isn’t, and I can’t even argue that this one has a better story, because honestly, it doesn’t. The first film made more sense, it was just less interesting to watch, and the things about it that were contrived were contrived in different ways. The first film was weaker and more irritating on character, and character is always the most important part of a story for me, so as annoyed as I am by the major character blunders in Age of Ultron, I’m still not as annoyed as I was after The Avengers. That is damning with the faintest of praise; this is just not a particularly good movie, it makes a poor use of its cast at the best of times, delivers a sub-par action extravaganza, and the script is not half as witty as it gleefully convinces itself that it is. It comes as no surprise, I’m sure, that I am very glad a certain writer/director departed the franchise after disappointing everyone with this outing. I say I like this better than the first Avengers, but gee, it’s a close call.

[southparkbandau]

Pete Thelman Application

OOC: Name: Aris Pronouns: She/her Age: 20 Favorite shapes: Stars! Triggers: Graphic descriptions of sexual assault. Extra: I’m pretty new to roleplaying South Park characters. I’ve been looking around for groups to join and the premise of this one seems really interesting! IC Basic information Name: Pete Thelman Pronouns: He/him Age: 22 Appearance: Dyed hair, tattoos, piercings, and ripped clothes, Pete is the prime bad boy stereotype for fans to fawn over. He’s the one parents hate and the one fans seem to want more of in result, both of which he finds hilarious (not really) since they don’t know the first thing about him.

Standing at 5’10”, he’s not as pale as he used to be, but still more than he probably should be. He still dyes his hair the same way he did as a kid, but he experiments a lot more with different colors. However, he always ends up dying it red again at some point. It’s his favorite and practically his signature.

Pete mainly just has ear piercings–one of which inspired primarily after Michael’s (old) style–and a tongue piercing. He has a few tattoos, although they actually aren’t as graphic as one would think. One’s Cthulhu’s sigil (on his wrist), feathers on his upper arms, and elaborate Phoenix wings on his back (most people don’t know about the wings.) He plans to get more eventually.

Personality: Apathetic, edgy, seemingly unapproachable, and blunt, Pete has a darkened viewpoint of the world that never seemed to leave him from when he was a kid, but he has lightened up just a bit (if you squint.) He doesn’t care much for drama or emotional conversations unless it’s with his friends (a title he rarely gives to anyone) or his fellow Goths, to which he always makes an exception. Otherwise, he’ll tell you to go bother someone else with your problems; he’s got enough of his own to worry about.

He doesn’t consider himself the leadership type. He prefers more to be the second-in-command, letting others make the decisions and following them, but he will step up to the plate if he absolutely needs to. He won’t let you insult his friends without quipping something insulting in return, but he mostly just gives off the impression that he’d rather be alone or anywhere else.

Really, he simply just doesn’t seem to care–nothing against you in specific (most of the time)–and he’ll tell you that straight out with a deadpan expression. Of course, if someone’s clearly going through something bad—although he may not be the best at emotional discussions—he’s not going to be unnecessarily cruel to them. He can actually be pretty sympathetic toward someone who really needs it and gives pretty decent advice.

In truth, although Pete pretends not to care about other’s opinions, he actually hates disappointing anyone. He suffers from a lot of self-doubt and self-worth issues. Sometimes he feels like things change too much or too fast that he can’t keep up, and he’s afraid the people he cares about will eventually leave him behind, forgotten. He’s knows it’s not rational, but it still plagues his thoughts.

Music/Career/Etc (If the character chosen is either in PCT or TDP, some of these informations can be left blank unless you’d like to add more) Band or independent: Band Instruments played: Guitar, Piano, Violin Role in the band: Backup vocals, guitar, song writer Band/artists associated with: Goth Band (Unsure if the name/anything has been established.) Role: Lead guitarist/Backing vocals Speciality: Improvisation, Ornaments/Embellishment Headcanons OR writing sample:

- Pete actually found out he could sing on complete accident. Before, he only did it ironically since it was too “conformist,” but later he found that he actually had a talent for it. He started playing guitar too, although his parents disliked the noise and found music an illogical career choice. It’s actually due to their disapproval that he brought his musical talents up with his fellow Goths and the band kind of just…happened. He actually really enjoys his musical endeavors, but doesn’t always admit it.

- He’s tried giving up smoking, but can’t help pulling one out when he’s stressed to high hell. Ironically, the smell of smoke comforts him in a screwed up way of self-care, reminding him of hanging with the Goths during the simpler times of just being a kid. He’s tried vaping but it never has the same effect. Still, he keeps a vape pen with him to get people to stop pushing him about it, and to show that he really does try to curb his habit.

- Injured his leg when he was a freshman in highschool. He fell off the top of the bleachers and landed all kinds of wrong. It still bothers him sometimes, so he walks with a bit of a limp.

- Pete’s…really not that strong. Sure, he can throw a punch or two, but if you really want to beat the shit out of him, you’ll probably succeed. Funnily enough, he seems to get in a lot of fights, but not of his own intentional instigation. His personality gives people the impression that he somehow thinks he’s godlike or that he’s too good to talk to them (they couldn’t be more wrong,) and some people really don’t take kindly to that. He should probably learn how to defend himself but he never seems to get around to it.

- A lot of the songs he writes involve some kind of darker issue of varying degrees. A lot of metaphors and storylines are common too, but mostly they focus on the “darkness of humanity.”

[higheldertala]

the witchfinders salt commentary

elizabeth i’s coronation is an interesting event seeing the doctor’s history with her

im crying yaz is wearing a denim jacket and ryan a puffer coat in the 17th century what are you doing?!?!?

the doctor completely ignores yaz to go ‘APPLE BOBBING!’ this is hilarious and not in a good way

‘do not interfere with the fundamental fabric of history’ ??? this is the third historical episode and you’re only just saying this now???

‘even if something’s not right’ what you mean like when manish killed his brother and you all just walked away

‘we’ve got to do something doctor’ the dialogue is awful and delivered in such a stilted manner.

i think it would been better if one of the fam went in to try and save the woman. you know give them a character

i wonder if horses were really associated with satan and killed during that time, i would guess so otherwise that would be a weird thing to make up

the doctor is happy to let yaz go off on her own, in a time highly dangerous for woman especially since yaz is unlikely to know the social norms of this time period. safety who??

i think timeless does the witch trials so much better it’s a fucking dark day when a brit has to admit that an american time travel show is better than doctor who, look how low chibnall has brought me. in timeless they don’t have aliens so when they travel back in time part of the danger is the time period itself and what man made horrors it presents. (plot of timeless aside) lucy is immediately in danger during the trials because she is a woman, that is a big threat of the episode. when the team are in the past they are not only fighting the antagonists but the dangers that the past presents in of itself and the characters actively bring this up (to a degree of course) and don’t shy away from it (well in comparison in chibnall doctor who). when they travel to the past rufus is in danger bc he is black, lucy is also often in danger bc she’s a woman. there is social commentary that bc the characters are in some kind of social minority they aren’t taken seriously in historically situations and potentially in danger by their surroundings. doctor who in comparison doesn’t even come close to this. rosa is the closest it comes to but then this commentary is never brought up again. doctor who isn’t consistent for this, but a good writer could interweave into the story.

it’s very ooc for the doctor to just roll over, and give up authority in the situation. any other doctor would have told them to shut up and they’re in charge now even if this puts them as unfavourable amongst the locals (eg midnight, eaters of light). these writers just misunderstood the doctor on every level

‘it’s a very flat team structure’ it isn’t. like not at all. not even close. all these companions have ever done is follow the doctor without ever questioning her.

‘even the wee lassie?’ i just don’t think the doctor would ever roll over and take an insult like that

i know doctor who doesn’t cover this in much depth but it’s not very believable that the doctor would be so unaware or ignorant of (periodic) sexism. i think in the target novelisation it goes into a bit more depth, of the doctor realising that her being perceived as a woman actually puts her in potential dangerous situations (i haven’t read it so i can’t fully confirm) but it is a huge disservice this is just glossed over in the episode

the doctor would have definitely said something back by now. having her be so passive is suspicious to say the least

‘these are hard times for women. if we’re not being drowned, we’re being patronised to death’ i feel like this is a poor quip in regards to fundamentally missing the point of sexism. also ryan and graham have nothing to say to this, nor do they defend the doctor in front of king james. again this is a similar situation of the episode rosa. they display prejudices of the time but never do the characters actually challenge these prejudices to the locals themselves.

‘even if i am just a woman’ this line would be fine if WE HAD EVER ADDRESSED THE DOCTOR’S GENDER THIS SERIES. again it takes the cis-centric approach and presumes by default the doctor would identify as a woman bc a female actress is playing her.

graham literally defends king james and his sexism yikes

‘when you say satan what do you mean’ what the fuck do you think they mean graham???

i just feel like the doctor and fam aren’t understanding the religious paranoia of this time

im very confused about the ‘sickness’ comment. the woman just lost her grandmother and then was attacked in the woods, her being shaken and having a loss of appetite isn’t surprising

i like how yaz’s advice is ‘just say no and then you get rid of all the oppression in the world’

‘we’ll make this place safe again’ yes because sexism no longer exists after the 17th century

i think it glosses over how dark it is using the dead corpses to possess

once again the doctor uses her interrogation techniques of asking a million questions while the antagonist doesn’t answer any (someone should count how many times she does this)

alfonso gets a single line lol

i think the doctor needs to give up saying ‘it’s not satan’ that’s what they believe is happening and you haven’t done anything to convince them otherwise.

the doctor being ‘i can’t buy that two things are happening on the same day’ is a weird stance, sometimes coincidences happen, you should know bc this era is built on them

‘if i was still a bloke, i could get on with my job and not have to waste time defending myself’ this is why i hate the gender commentary in this episode, bc the commentary isn’t hey sexism bad, women suffer from this all the time and it’s detrimental to their everyday lives, it’s that that sexism is personally inconvenient to the doctor herself and that’s why sexism is bad, not because it’s a oppressive system that actively harms and kills women for all time

and if this count as self awareness on the doctor’s part of the privilege they may have encountered in their previous incarnations, then it is shit, in fact im not going to count it.

im no historical expert (my knowledge comes from reign) but mary queen of scots was a high political target against elizabeth i, perhaps she left james for his safety???

interrogation technique again

‘not witches, bodies possessed by alien mud’ ah yes what a completey logical thing to believe by a man in 17th century

again how are these people so dense. do they honestly not understand that social norms differ between historical periods

please stop trying to argue with the locals, they don’t believe you

how is the doctor so certain that it is alien and not something that originate on earth?

i’ll pay them to stop saying the word ‘fill’ like that

‘yeah mate you better back off’ hilarious

the acting/directing in this is ummm…. not great

the doctor is really pissed at king james but like the morax was threatening them, it’s not a completely unjustified decision.

sonic uses: about 6

in conclusion, if this is the single episode that is suppose to make some commentary on gender and sexism it is shit. it barely covers anything, even on a historical stance in how that women were used as scapegoats and had little to no power therefore could not fight back. sexism did not end after the witch hunts and still to this day operates as a highly oppressive system which harms and kills women in countless ways. outside this episode the topic/ obstacle of sexism is barley ever brought up again. further, the doctor’s lack of awareness of general sexism in this episode infuriates me. the doctor only sees the sexism she encounters as personal inconvenience to her, not an immorally oppressive system that harms all women. the doctor has travelled with countless women, and fails to fully acknowledge that yes all of these women will have encountered sexism and misogyny in many of the places and times that they visit.

[thatslayer]

RPC Positivity Week - Day One

                   Well, it's day numero one of the RPC Positivity Week and day one's challenge is to name off my favorite portrayals of characters from my own fandom of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and it's spin-off, Angel the Series.

It's going to be hard to narrow down favorites, because the BtVS community has a lot of talent. Even if I don't mention you, know that it's only because I'm really narrowing each character down to one or two blogs. <3

Buffy Summers There are a fair amount of good Buffy's on tumblr, but @iwannadogirlystuff gets a gold star, here, for her great Buffy voice and constant battle to keep her muse canon and interesting. Sometimes that means being wrong, sometimes that means being single, sometimes that means being hurt and she doesn't take the easy way out and let all that work happen off-screen. She knows how to let Buffy take her own side while the greater plot stays neutral. Big on plot, zero drama. Happy to give real, helpful critique and ask for it in return because the story and portrayal are what matters, not the ego. She's also the kindest, most sweetest chickie you're likely to meet. I love you to bits and am absolutely biased. Gracious, girl, you're a gift from the RP gods, lol.

@buffyisms is such a dang cutie, so sweet. So much fun to talk to, especially when it comes to Duffy (Dean/Buffy) or the actual horrors of waitressing. I don't know her well, yet, but hope to remedy that!

Willow Rosenberg I've been writing with @optimisticyellowcrayon for a hundred-million years and a closer to canon Willow, I don't think I could find. She's got the voice down, and I can't imagine Willow's voice is all that easy to master. She gets this girl, eyeballs to entrails, and writing with her is like writing with a magical manifestation of the real Willow Rosenberg. And, on top of that, mun is crazy sweet and nice and awesome. Even when she's having a bad day, she goes out of her way to help make the OOC Bunkerverse a positive, supportive and friendly place to be and I loves the crud out of her.

I really like having @willowiiisms on my dash. We haven't done much writing together (my fauuuult), but he's fudging adorable and a lovely Miss Rosenberg, to boot.

Xander Harris There aren't really a lot of Xanders around, at least there aren't many active ones, but @strangeandoffputting goes the extra mile to make his Xander sound and act right -- even if that means Xander comes off badly to the reader. Before Jan took on Xander, I thought he couldn't do any better than his super on the mark Sam Winchester ( @samattheend ), but I think he's actually better at Xander than he is at Sam. He's also my actual tumblr husband, one of my bestest friends, and a silly dope who can long-distance cuddle with the best of them.

Rupert Giles @youhavemyrespect - Mo, my darling. If you love Giles and you aren't following this sweetheart, you're doing all the things wrong. They deeply, deeply understand Giles. His motivations always seem fully on the mark, he sounds like Giles (JUST like Giles, in point of fact). With the same measure to his words, the same tone and turn of phrase, the same personality down to a T. Mun is also such a kind, silly, wonderful person and rounds out our uber-canon Bunkerverse scooby gang.

@whowatches I haven't written with this Giles yet, but I have seen some stuff on my dash that I thought was pretty dang awesome. Mun is such a sweetheart. <3

Spike @spiketheforsakensoul​, the love of my unlife and one of the best Spike blogs you're likely to stumble upon. On an unfortunate hiatus while Wil plays over at Lucifer ( @punishmentismyjob ), but he's had something like 19-20 years experience with Spike (most of which he's wasted playing opposite yours truly <3) and knows the way his weird little mind works. Killer Spike voice + great writer + sexy mun = happy Faye.

Cordelia Chase @hervisions has the Cordy voice down pat, quips and all, and she's a welcome sight when she graces my dash. Everyone needs more Cordelia in their lives.

Faith Lehane Can I just point out how much I miss @beautypowerdeath? I hate it when people run off and leave me to fend for myself, lol. Probably my favorite Faith on the tumblee, and we've had our share of awesome Faith blogs.

Oh, I've known Char for too damn long. @faithiiisms is funny and silly and all sorts of awesome. One of my favorite Faiths. <3

Lilah Morgan @lilahemorgan​, who's a little ball of sunshine, always ready to write and has nothing but positive vibes for everyone. Lovely and welcome addition to the Bunkerverse, has no problem going toe-to-toe with the white hats while remaining ambiguous about Lilah's hero or villain status. Love to love ya, girlfriend. ;)

@hellscounsel - I still can't believe there are two Lilah's now, she's such an undersung character. This lovely miss can carry Lilah's moods and character voice, haven't done much writing with her, though! Mun is a cutie.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce Aaron's a hoot, carries half of the BtVS minor character blogs all by himself. Very good Wes voice, haven't had a chance to write with him, yet. Go follow @exwatcher, because I said so.

Ethan Rayne Well, it seems like all we've got is @liminalchaos, but that's just fine by me. Every now and then I'll see some hilarious meme go by on my dash, or some of their fantastic writing and it makes my day. Ethan is a treasure, and they're doing a damn fine job with him.

I know I missed a ton of folks, this is more a list of people I rp with or who I see on my dash often and enjoy their portrayals. Feel free to send me blogs if you think I should check them out/rp with them/update this list.

Remember, darlings! Be excellent to each other and part on, dudes!

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

I’m obsessed with Titans S2 please help me I haven’t eaten or slept in days

I don’t know WHY I’m so fascinated by Titans S2 but I think it’s because it’s like a car crash?? like it’s horrible but you can’t look away??

But like horrible in a way that’s super predictable and entertaining??

Like there were so many good scenes but then the bad ones are just mingled in and it’s like a grab bag, you never know what you’re gonna get and boy is that FUN. The pacing was so absolutely and utterly GOD AWFUL and they established plot threads that were interesting but didn’t go anywhere and you’d spend the whole season waiting for that one plot thread to come back up but then you realize that it’s not going to until maybe the next season but by then it will probably be too late and it will only mess up the pacing more?????????

They mega over explain so many things but then when you actually find one thing you might want elaborated on they just??? breeze right over it??? 

Donna Troy’s death was actually so ridiculous and stupid and out of left field I legit starting fucking LAUGHING MY ASS OFF because OBVIOUSLY she’s not gonna stay dead but WHY would you kill her off like that and for what reason???? I’m so confused??? and it’s so funny I’m laughing just remembering it like??? WHY. GENUINELY THIS IS FUNNIER TO ME THAN ANY JOKE I’VE HEARD IN THE PAST MONTH I STARTED WHEEZING FROM LAUGHTER AT THIS POIGNANT MOMENT WTF. WHY NOT JUST HAVE LET CONNER KILL HER AND ADD WEIGHT TO IT. WHY DID YOU KILL HER ABRUPTLY WITH A BEAM RIGHT AFTER THE CONFLICT FOR NO REASON THE PACING IS SO BAD IT LEGIT WATCHED LIKE A GAG ASDFGHJKL X’D X’D

THAT WHOLE SET UP WITH GAR GOING THROUGH FUCKING HELL AND IT BEING SUPER DISTURBING WTF WHILE THE SHOW COMPLETELY IGNORED CONNER BUT THEN THE FINAL SCENE MAKES GAR COMPLETELY USELESS WHILE IT’S ALL FOCUSED ON CONNER??? LIKE I KNOW IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT CONNER BUT THEN WHY DID THEY TOTALLY IGNORE HIM?????????????? THE PAYOFF WASN’T EVEN THAT STARTLING BC YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING ANYWAY???

but please don’t get me wrong Conner was one of the best parts of the whole series so far I love him with my WHOLE HEART and would die for him 11/10 what a sweetheart I hope he stays safe and happy

Like you can so. SO clearly see that they either bit off WAYYYY more than they could chew this season OR that the studio forced them to bite off way more than they could chew because oh my god. This show is so messy. Why did they introduce so many new characters and sub plots. Like the plots include every character and that is Way Too Many and this is coming from somebody with too many OCs which is why it’s so hard to write a good story with them all like:

Hank and Dawn (y’all KNOW I love these two but WHY ARE THEY SO IMPORTANT HERE??? THERE ARE OTHER WAY MORE IMPORTANT THREADS WHY DO THEY HAVE SO MUCH SCREENTIME?? RACHEL’S POWERS ARE GOING APESHIT AND GAR’S HAVING FCKIN BRAIN SURGERY DONE ON HIM I DON’T WANNA BE WATCHING YOU TWO HAVE PETTY RELATIONSHIP DRAMA W H Y)

Donna (with the gross inclusion of Aqualad ugh fuck that Danny Rand looking goldfish ass) DR LIGHT????? WHAT THE FUCK???? WHY WAS HE THERE AT ALL???? I KNOW TO DESTABILIZE THE TEAM OR WHATEVER BUT??? WHAT??? WHY BOTHER???

Dick 

Rachel

Gar (baby.......... I’m so sorry......)

Conner

Jericho (the pacing would have been much better if the whole show was about him, no other characters. just him. making all the friends he wants and deserves. listening to music. embarrassing jerks. being his funky self. I love this man so much y’all. I love him. help.)

Rose

Kory

Jason (rip I am so sorry they did you so dirty my dude wtf)

more nonsense that doesn’t matter?????? why is it here??

no, stop, that’s too many plots, you need to put some back, no stop picking up plots, all with the exact amount of screen time and importance on the SECOND. SEASON.

WHY WHERE JASON AND ROSE SO IMPORTANT AND THEN JUST NICKED OFF AND WEREN’T SEEN FOR FOR AGES??? AND THEN WHY DID THEY JUST FILL IN THE BLANKS LIKE NONE OF IT MATTERED?? WHY???? LIKE I GET THE REASON BUT DUDE THERE WERE A MILLION BETTER WAYS TO DO THAT WITHOUT JUST TELLING US THEY OFFICIALLY GOT TOGETHER OFF SCREEN HAHA YEAH THAT HAPPENED TOTALLY OH AND NOW THEY’VE BROKEN UP BC WE NEEDED THEM TOO. LIKE. AA???

THE BAD GUY THEY BUILT UP TO THROUGHOUT ALL OF SEASON ONE GOT TAKEN CARE OF WITHIN THE FIRST HALF OF THE FIRST EPISODE OF SEASON 2 I’AAKJBSKLHVSVSHS J????/>?< DID THEY RUN OUT OF EPISODE BRACKETS FOR THE LAST SEASON??? WHY DID THEY START WITH IT THIS SEASON?? WHY DIDN’T THEY END IT LAST SEASON WHERE IT WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY HAD WEIGHT AND NOT BE DISAPPOINTING??? IT ONLY WOULD HAVE TAKEN ONE MORE EPISODE AND IT STILL WOULDVE BEEN LONGER THAN THE FINALE WE GOT?? THEY COULD HAVE LET THE ULTIMATE GOOD BOI TEAM STINGER CARRYING IT SURELY??? OR DID THEY THINK THEY NEEDED MORE HOOK??? I’M PRETTY SURE ANYONE EVEN INTERESTED IN THE NICHE SHOW IN THE FIRST PLACE WOULD HAVE BEEN EXCITED AND KEPT WATCHING FOR KRYPTO AND HIS SIDEKICK SUPERBOY???

WHAT’S WITH THE OOC MOMENTS AND TONAL WHIPLASH BETWEEN QUIPS IN PLACES THEY SHOULDN’T BE AND FLASHING TO SUPER DARK MOMENTS???

THERE’S MORE BUT I LEGIT CAN’T THINK OF IT BC LITERALLY EVERY ASPECT AND SCENE OF THIS SHOW WAS WACK IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER EVEN THE GOOD BITS WHICH I LOVE

Also please don’t take this the wrong way, all of this rage and exasperation is coming from a place of love, I love this absolute hilarious wack mess of a show with my whole heart, idk what they’re thinking but I am On Board. I hope there’s fifty more seasons and I hope each is more ridiculous than the last I’M STOKED FUCK YEAH BRO LET’S GO

and this is just me being Mega Salty that the whole show wasn’t just all Jericho I love him amen and hallelujah