#then i hung out with my brother and his girlfriend and i crocheted while we watched survivor.
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#not asking for sympathy or well wishes or whatever. my grandmother died on friday.#she was sick for about 2 months. honestly to an extent it's kind of a relief that she's not suffering anymore.#i cried on friday. i haven't cried since. but i've had waves of having to remember she's gone that make me sad.#this is the grandma who taught me to crochet. and basically to cope i've thrown myself into sewing and crocheting and knitting.#i didn't really realize that's what i was doing to cope but now i'm realizing this is what i'm doing.#but literally after getting the text that she was gone i got an email that one of the shows i'm working on fell into chaos#from 2 people catching covid and one losing their voice and having to throw on a bunch of understudies.#but i was like i can't think of that i gotta go be with my family. i can maybe deal with that later.#so after we collected her stuff from the nursing home and sat at home for a few hours i went to that theater to get my mind off of things#and going there and dealing with chaos that wasn't my life made me feel a little better. getting to sew some repairs helped.#the director at one point turned to me and said 'what a day. from 2 understudies to 6.'#and i said 'yeah. i saw your email and i was like this is really the worst day of my life.' but she thought i was joking.#i was sort of joking but sort of not. seeing that email on top of leaving work early to run home was too much for my brain in that moment.#(i also have not told anyone in that show that it happened. they had no clue what my morning had been like.)#then apparently after i left the show before intermission someone ripped a costume. so saturday i went back to the theater#to sew a patch under the tear to fix it. and do a little more fixes.#then i hung out with my brother and his girlfriend and i crocheted while we watched survivor.#and today i finished up a knitting project i started a while ago (Ranger Cowl) and crocheted more stuff for another show.#and now i'm knitting a hat for my brother that i promised him last winter and put off for a while.#so yeah. yay crafts. yay crafting therapy.#(also don't worry. i didn't find out she was gone via text. my brother called me to say it was imminent. then a text 45min later confirmed.)#(and my family has encouraged me to keep working on my various shows through this since it does help me to have things to do)#(my mom had initially wanted me to stay at work friday morning because otherwise we'd just be sitting around feeling sad. but i left.)#(but my supervisor at work and costume head at the other show who do know told me to not come in tomorrow)
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omg today seemed SO LONG
we all had to wake up early to visit grandparents, so my sister woke me up at like 8 but I went back to sleep. in my dream I was part of the theater program or something, and I started shaving my head. I realized too late that if I had started on the sides, I could have a cool undercut so I said “ok lets try that again ill be right back guys” and quit the game without saving. the second part of my dream took place at school in a classroom for bring your parents to school day or something. my lovely asian mom and dad were very polite, but suddenly my dad turned to me and said “run. run away immediately as fast as you can, dont bother putting your cup down just go” and I ran out the door. my shoes were covered in pink and green pain, and the floor was checkered pink and green so I had to step on the right colors so they couldn’t track my footprints. I had to find a bathroom to be my new home so they couldn't find me, but I took a wrong turn and ended up in the maze of a counselor’s office. I knew they all saw me so I ran into the library but my principal was right beside me. idk what happened next, other than m sister waking me up and recounting the events of the dream to myself. ooh I forgot to mention yesterday but I made a dumb tiktok with my fursuit and it’s giving A LOT MORE TRACTION THAN I ANTICIPATED. it’s fast approaching 6000 views, 1400 likes, and a handful of comments. so far still no hate comments tho. and I gained just. way too many followers. anyway I split a bagel with my brother for breakfast before we left, and we spent over an hour at my grandparents’ house. my oldest brother and his girlfriend left to quickly visit a friend and then get ready to drive back to Michigan before flying out tomorrow back to Washington, so we waved goodbye and went out separate ways. I helped my mom get gas and 5 guys while my brother drove my sister to work, and we ate together and talked for a bit. he had a little work to do and an online meeting to attend so I played started valley until he was done. we hung out for a moment making awkward conversation because we both have different flavors of diet autism, but he had stuff to do and a book to read so I played stardew again and watched tiktoks until it was time to pick up my sister from work. then he talked too loud in the car about smart things I dont understand but also neutodiverse stuff I did understand and talked about shitty people at my sister's work until we got home. we hung out for a bit until he had to get ready to leave so he could get back to college in time to sleep for classes tomorrow, so we hugged him goodbye. I played stardew again, making good progress in skull cavern with less stress this time. I got down past floor 50! wow! I only got like 15 iridium tho, even on a good luck day. oh well. I took a break in the middle to eat and watch a little tv with my dad before he hit the hay. I want to play more, but I also want to go to bed early after getting up so early this morning and I dont want my eyes to start hurting from too much screen time and concentration. also I'd probably end up hurting my back or neck. so yeah it can't just wait until tomorrow lol. my friend asked if I was taking commission on crocheted stuffed animals, which made me feel pretty dang confident :) I wasn't sure how much to charge, but I saw a tiktok about a crocheter selling her work for one cent per stitch, and I thought “that sounds reasonable I guess?” so I counted up how many stitches the pattern called for and it was only $18 and som change. for some reason I was bumping up the worth in my head to like double that oops :x so I rounded up and offered $20 and they sad yes. tbh I wonder if I should have asked for more? but ya know what, whatever. friend discount. I dont have a job or spend money so I have no sense for monetary worth oops. I’M SO DETACHED FROM SOCIETY I’M SORRY WSEDFGHJB I just want to go back to talking to people every day... my friends dont have nearly enough zoom calls........... ;-; whatever I guess I'll try to go to bed now. good night mwah <3
#thanks for coming to my ted talk#march 2021 daily#2021 daily#AH SHIT I said I was gonna throw some money someone's way in the tags of a reblog a could nights ago and I still haven't acted on it#I feel a little bad......#I'll do it eventually#also in my dream I had asian parents even tho I'm white irl?? idk man
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