#then posted the screenshot of their victory to all of their followers like the head of a vanquished beast

[scoobydoodean]

Can’t help thinking of the missed opportunities in my life [not reblogging pinned vague post about me while it was still pinned for posterity]

[findmeinthefallair]

Hunter's Experiences After Belos's Death

Oops, this got long. Aw well, it was really fun to write.

Special thanks to @ashanimus!

This is speculative at the end of the day, but since:

1. This is my fave animated show of all time

2. I grew up with Complex PTSD (CPTSD) like Hunter

3. I work as a therapist,

I thought to list down some things I can visualize happening in the duration of the finale's timeskip, before that beautiful epilogue we saw. And I want to dive in using whatever clues, leads and parallels I can find in canon: to analyze and see how he went from the Bad But Sad Boy to that peaceful-looking palisman carver in the epilogue.

A small reference I had for this meta is Cinema Therapy's episode on the Hunger Games movies (link), since the protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, from the book and also movie trilogy would have the same diagnosis as Hunter. Those books and movies explored how Katniss coped with the frightening and dramatically different landscape that was the calmness of her world post-victory.

Part 1: His Possible Experiences Leading Up to Seeking a Therapist

His disposition could possibly become like Luz's from early Season 3: a state of emotionally shutting down and numbing out. He appeared to nearly head in this direction right after he was revived by Flapjack, as he began to cry. There was that small window where he could have expressed more tears than he did, and have his body shut down under the weight of bereavement.

But the immediate physical threat, Belos, was still on the run. He got up, sprang into action and didn't catch a break from the time he followed Belos through the portal until he stood in The Collector's palace after Belos died (had he even received the news of his 'Uncle' dying yet??!).

Now that Belos isn't around anymore, the Isles will have a completely different feel and rebuilding the land would've taken grueling work after the dismantling of a damaging Coven System.

I was looking at Luz's behavior and gestures in Thanks to Them, which were indicative of her sinking into depression after 1. the horrible revelation in Hollow Mind that she unintentionally helped Philip. 2. witnessing Flapjack's death. I'm putting screenshots of her below in parallel with Hunter's own emotions in For the Future:

They have different mental health conditions if you talk symptoms, e.g. Luz doesn't show signs of CPTSD hypervigilance, while Hunter doesn't have that slowing down in his physical and mental activity which points to depression. But both have suffered from moral injury thanks to Belos's violence and manipulation.

However, a major comparison is that Hunter has had much more repressed emotion over a long period compared to Luz. The column with Hunter screencaps above, is what he may feel with a much higher intensity in the weeks and months after he first hears that his abuser has passed on.

Shown below, the few seconds of Hunter's big smile drooping when it was all over, was a big hint for me:

A hint that there is a deep undercurrent of emotions he'd much rather not feel, that he'd probably rather hide from himself. Even while smiling, we know how his heart-wrenching story has played out and the light in his eyes here doesn't match the brightness we see in his expressions in the epilogue, post-timeskip.

That is the face of a kid who has not cried out massive amounts of tears yet. He doesn't look like he's carrying a light load yet, compared to what we see in his future self. And it's certainly a heavier smile than the jollier one he makes here right after King's Tide when Flapjack was still around:

I can't imagine the amount of grief that his body has yet to dredge up and release, once he finally doesn't have to worry about his 'uncle' threatening his life anymore. Too many times to count, I've been in the situation where I cry intensely after being retraumatized and think "Huh? More tears? Where did it come from?? I thought I had cried it all out from my whole being the last time!". It kind of convinced me that anyone with CPTSD has so much grief stored up in their body that the number of times needed to have a good cry feels like a really endless expanse.

However: because I had 7 years of being in and out of therapy, what matters is that the durations between these episodes of mine, the durations of the episodes themselves, plus their intensity have reduced a lot. It was around a 4-year timeskip in the finale, so for Hunter to get as far as he did to heal, his own therapy sessions would've probably been rigorous and very consistent.

Anyway, he might now cycle through his own version of what Luz cycled through when she gradually shuts down from failing to build a new portal door in Thanks to Them, continually believes she's as bad as Belos, and when she alludes to her suicidal ideation in the classroom:

whereby there is a likely parallel between Luz wrestling with guilt from her own moral injury, and Hunter's own guilt from what he wished he could've done to prevent being possessed, to prevent Flapjack from dying. Both their situations are that of moral injuries.

The adrenaline rush would be over for everyone on the Isles.

I'm quite sure the therapists on the Isles will operate pretty soon after the news about Belos's death was out. They would conduct whatever version of mental health triage they have, that involves risk assessments and crisis counselling. Both of these based on what I've learnt are shorter in duration (30 minutes) and are one-off sessions, compared to regular talk therapy which is an hour minimum.

The therapists would be redirecting people to necessary resources e.g. where to find food or loved ones, and managing distress only related to people's immediate needs instead of forming a longer term plan for several weekly sessions.

I believe things are simpler when you are running away from an external threat, like the two Hunter scenarios below. In Hollow Mind there is no emotion on his face because in peak C-PTSD mode he has shut down his emotions to pour that energy into escaping Belos. In Thanks to Them, he appears quite obviously scared with widened eyes because he got comfortable with safety for months and Belos's return was a surprise attack (thanks ashanimus for pointing out to me how his expressions are animated!):

But what is there to run from now? Not an external threat for sure. The war zone is now the one in his mind, heart and soul and it would become front and center. I believe both these screenshots are two notches on a dial, and the missing third image - which would show him finding it difficult to stuff down the grief any longer, might look like a more exasperated version of when he told Willow "Please don't call yourself [a Half-a-Witch] ever again" in For the Future, and eventually a more depressed version of his vanishing smile in The Collector's Palace.

When can he really run from himself? Only while asleep, if he's spared nightmares on any given night, or while distracting himself with the main mission of rebuilding the Isles or continuing to bond with his friends and other people.

His anger in For the Future was a telling sign for me that he made sure his focus was still on an external threat: he still had the opportunity to do so back then, because Belos was still alive. But when we see him in The Collector's palace sending Willow off to her dads, there has realistically been a shift in what will threaten the more fragile shreds of inner peace he's still clinging on to. There are those scary trauma-related emotions to worry about, which wouldn't have just evaporated into thin air. They would be looking for a new outlet, and they'll find their way into flashbacks, nightmares, tension still stored in the body, an exaggerated startle response, etc.

We have seen a range of reactions he has to danger, triggers and emotional pain: some involve moving his body more, and fewer involve a short of shutting down:

Flinching during Belos's tantrums, being able to fight Kikimora calmly, freezing up in the throne room (Hunting Palismen)

Suicidal ideation and even a sort of suicide plan (Eclipse Lake)

Freezing up and expecting punishment from Darius (Any Sport in a Storm)

Being able to stay almost entirely calm as he learnt more and more of the truth about Belos, though his hand was shaking briefly, then a panic attack later on (Hollow Mind)

Lots of avoidance symptoms like numbing, combined with hypervigilance e.g. shivering and another panic attack (Labyrinth Runners)

Feeling fear with underlying shame and subconsciously expecting punishment, when he failed to save Luz (Clouds on the Horizon)

Freezing and recoiling, though he fought against this by asserting a boundary with Belos (King's Tide)

Panic attack when looking into the mirror and having an emotional flashback, hypervigilance e.g. stamping his foot and shivering (Thanks to Them)

Anger and rage to cope with bereavement, later being tearful (For the Future)

Most likely a sense of bereavement, deep exhaustion and possibly loneliness, during that briefly shown moment in The Collector's Palace (Watching and Dreaming)

The serious work he has to put in to heal from his trauma would begin once his whole body gives in to the exhaustion, catching up with the bereavement-related emotions that have also begun to settle in. It could be a massive emotional and physical collapse that he can't fight off, where his physical energy levels become tanked seemingly out of nowhere. And I think it would look like a worse version of him lying in his makeshift grave, where he is barely able to move around the house or anywhere for some time.

This happened to Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, and while the portrayal was done differently in the books and movies, both were good explorations of what it's like to shift from the default high alert (and long-term) mode of CPTSD to coping with the scary unknown world of newfound safety. Katniss spent her childhood in poverty and being constantly on edge that she might be chosen for the Hunger Games, being parentified, to provide for her family.

While participating in the games, she had to utilize battle skills and kill others to survive and sustained many injuries, still constantly on high alert whereby any respite would last for incredibly short durations. Towards the end of the story, after she loses the one she loved most (her sister Prim, who I think can be a parallel of Flapjack in this meta), Katniss shifts from peak physical activity into mostly sleeping and being actively suicidal for months, hardly moving and not leaving the house, until the shock of traumatic grief began to wear off. She absolutely crashed and went from one extreme to the other. In the movie Mockingjay Part 2, they added a non-book scene where her grief comes out in an outburst when she sees their pet cat hanging around on the kitchen counter. She flings an object in the cat's direction, then screams "[Prim] is gone!!" repeatedly before collapsing into heavy sobs, picking up the cat and holding it to her chest to soothe herself.

This kind of major collapse might happen very soon to Hunter after he leaves The Collector's Palace or only after some weeks. The timing of this, I can't predict. The reason why he didn't appear to have this issue in the early months being in the human realm is because there was still something external to concentrate on: help his friends get back to the Human Realm, help Luz reunite with Eda and King, while him and Flapjack hoped to go home too.

You could argue that even now, he still has something external to focus on i.e. helping the others rebuild the Isles. However I keep imagining that the people who love him are going to be quite adamant in getting him, Luz and the other kids to please rest. Since we saw Steve recommend his therapist to Lilith in O Titan Where Art Thou, I can picture the adults in particular monitoring how Hunter is doing without Flapjack.

But if this collapse I'm speculating about doesn't happen so soon, he would be pouring himself into helping others, referencing his character-centric line all the way back in Hunting Palismen about wanting to offer help, which he utters twice in that episode. There is an overlap between this expectation he has of himself and the old habit he's at risk of falling back into periodically: overworking.

Once his desire to help others is clearly comes across as an avoidance tactic on the outside - a maladaptive coping mechanism to run from the very difficult emotions that he should be processing - people around him are definitely going to set boundaries and say "No" to any attempts he makes to assist them. Someone is probably going to tell him that whatever desperation he is showing in wanting to help other people, needs to be redirected at himself. Making time and space for himself, taking time off to rest.

Him suffering from a major emotional and physical collapse is pretty likely because things are more complicated (though, physically much much safer) for him now than at the beginning of Thanks to Them when he had just fled from Belos to the human realm, and had Flapjack as his closest company. Fast forward to the victory won in Watching and Dreaming: both Flapjack and Belos are gone now.

It's telling that different thoughts are occupying Hunter's mind now, from how his expressions are drawn during his first days in the human realm vs. when peace is restored in the Isles.

1. See the sense of calmer urgency in his expression, putting the mission of building the portal door first, while experiencing a strong sense of togetherness with his friends, and learning to trust Camila who is treating him well:

compared to

2. the sheer exhaustion and feeling of "What now...?" (see his upper eyelids below?) that set in, once he helped Willow find her parents and there was no more task at hand that didn't involve himself. His bright smile from a split-second ago has drooped and disappeared:

I know that right after the above frame, Darius and Eberwolf reunited with him, but his emotions are going to cycle up and down in the hours, weeks and months ahead. The elation from seeing Darius and Eber - people who were there to greet him when he expected nobody to turn up - is not going to last, though it will certainly come and go, because high-running positive emotions like that don't last as long, especially in the context of the life he's had as a child soldier. It's totally possible that on the same night, hours after this reunion with their loved ones, their emotions will shift drastically.

The tired look in his eyes above and the sad face he then makes, is in between two moments of him having something external to focus on (Willow and then Darius). I'm inclined to think that the above depressed look reflects a lot of the complexity that is going on underneath the surface. What is his state of mind when alone with his thoughts, when he has zero tasks to perform? How is he handling those thoughts?

There will be a deep, sometimes mind-numbing sense of bereavement over two significant figures in his life. First Flapjack, now this:

He used to love Belos. But I'm really not sure he can just uproot that love from deep within and discard it. Hunter carries memories like the following ones around which will be confusing to navigate on tougher days, despite being able to tell Luz "That's what Belos does, he tricks people". Because these were his formative years:

and something tells me that Philip was cunning enough to strike a delicate balance between being 'nice' to Hunter like above, versus unleashing his violent temper to terrify and harm him. Making sure that balance was so close to 50/50 that it would leave a child very confused. So confused he would rather believe he's never good enough rather than the more frightening prospect that his so-called family does not actually love him at all.

Hunter will have a moment now and then of still missing the 'niceness' that his 'uncle' showed towards him (felt in his heart and subconscious), while still knowing (in his head, rationally) that Philip was not genuine when treating him that way.

To note though, he did not witness Belos's death which reduces the severity of intrusive images that the poor kid would see in his mind.

What I'm worried about is how he'll handle the news about the grimwalker graveyard, since I'm sure that location is going to be scoured and Darius would want to give his mentor a proper sending off. They'd want to give all the Golden Guards and Caleb a sending off and pay their respects. This might add to what I suspect will be the messed up depression he'll fall into.

It will be very confusing and emotionally disorienting, literally not needing to worry about anyone killing him anymore. He has had no point of reference for this in his life at all. It might possibly the furthest he ever goes from that primal survival instinct he had while living in the Castle for so long, which took up the majority of his life so far:

There will also be the added layer of how he feels about those first emotions. This is literally a concept called Feelings About Feelings and it's a key part of my work since I use the Satir Model in my style of counselling. We don't just feel emotions, we also tack on our own judgments and evaluations about them. E.g. shame about feeling anger, guilt about feeling sad because of burdening others, or even a combination like fear about feeling joy which can show up in healing from bereavement.

Depending on how we feel about whichever emotions got there first, it makes a difference because we could be adding or subtracting unnecessary suffering from the first emotion, especially if the first emotion is an already unpleasant one.

I have a feeling that we'd see Hunter look very very tired, till he makes breakthroughs in therapy. A tiredness that sleep, a healthy diet and exercise alone simply cannot fix. Because there's an entire upbringing in the Emperor's Coven to sort through in his head, this time not combined with the avoidance of having fled to the human realm and living under one roof with his friends.

The Hexsquad are not living under the same roof anymore, they are reunited with their own families with much to emotionally talk out, and the group no longer has a very urgent single collective mission. Sure, Hunter has an active role to play in rebuilding the Isles, but what about rebuilding his very self? He has the steepest climb, because we have seen the symptoms he exhibits.

Most of all, referencing a section of my Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1) meta (link), a memory as horrible as this:

will likely be the most intrusive image is going to be replaying again and again over the months to come, and it may flood his thoughts during moments of being triggered or even out of nowhere during quiet moments for no apparent reason. It will be just like a broken record, where the same small excerpt of a song loops endlessly until the needle of the gramophone is repositioned.

It was remarkably poignant that his final words to Belos were "And most of all, I'm going to make sure you never hurt anyone again", and I'm happy with the story keeping it this way and understand why the writers likely made this decision - not just because the season was shortened. Hunter did not need to directly see or hear more from Belos in close quarters, not after his abuser minimized his needs for years, gaslit him, possessed him and got him to murder his best friend with his own hands.

It's more straightforward to make sure someone else isn't hurting anyone. It's easier to think of what plans to implement, when it comes to him protecting others: which he has had plenty of practice with. Because those are practical methods that we can see in action on the outside.

But here's the kicker: what about applying that last grand statement from his TTT speech to himself, emotionally: making sure he isn't psychologically hurting himself with harmful unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, after Belos's death? "I'll make sure I don't hurt myself (and by extension, my loved ones) again".

This will be very new to him, and it is a theme that I handle in pretty much every client case in my therapy work. The client's self-dialogue, the self-compassion or lack thereof. Which, in real life, is often not a concept that our own families and schools introduce to us to be familiar with.

For Hunter, this may translate into him making the decision to get help and truly accepting the gift of life that Flapjack gave him.

Basically this on a much bigger scale:

whereby in Flapjack's absence, he can truly believe in this new and positive fundamental belief about himself. The evidence that he managed to make it to that heartbreaking but incredibly beautiful place is pretty strong:

But before his happy ending, the pressure on himself to be useful to others via helping and working is likely going to come back and be used as his way of coping, and there's a chance it will cross the line into becoming a form of self-harm that he's relying on to avoid the frightening, deeper emotional pain. People around him know him well enough that they'll be able to spot his behavioral changes and then sense he is not going in a helpful direction. They'll see that it's hurting him even though it's the most familiar territory for his mind to be in, and someone is going to tell him to change that.

He's going to be seeing his friends with their palismen. How will it be like being among them, even if they are pretty good at supporting him? How would he attempt to make sense of the void that is the absence of the incredible love he experienced from that first friend, the absence of that mental link between witch and palisman?

What emotions could be lurking beneath the surface? Believe it or not, there are some signs from Luz's nightmare even though yes, Hunter was being controlled by The Collector. I wouldn't quickly dismiss this dark Flapjack-related scene as 100% being about The Collector's goal to scare Luz in the nightmare.

I think there was a smaller subplot going on as well.

The Collector needed material to work with in the first place, to perform the puppet acts: the material was whatever fears and whatever pain was already there in their targets.

The Collector didn't create Hunter's emotions from scratch for the puppet act; instead he manipulated and redirected what existed at the base level. All this wouldn't work as analogies of mental illness vs. mental health if The Collector could just engineer emotions on their own and simply replace whatever his puppet targets were already feeling. Emotions never vanish and always take up space somewhere, they are redirected, transformed or channeled into outlets even if it means they become repressed or locked away. But they never stop existing.

I have a feeling that despite the nightmare being Luz's, despite Hunter being used as an instrument for The Collector to achieve their goals...the pre-existing emotions that Hunter himself felt in his body, not puppet!Hunter's verbal responses towards Luz, were true. He is a haunted boi.

This face he makes above might be a hint at the worst of his pain. It might be the furthest he has felt from when he said "I like who I am right now" to Flapjack. In the place of that confidence from before, there might now be his own version of Luz's "I'm as bad as Belos". I cannot be entirely certain, but the negative belief that may have taken root in him could be "I am not deserving of the life Flapjack gave me".

Interestingly, if this is the case, it could easily parallel his line from all the way back in Any Sport in A Storm: "I'm unfit to wear the sigil of the Golden Guard." It's definitely a possibility, since Hunter is now faced with having a lot of time and space now, and less urgency than he's ever had in his life, to think back on all those times he helped to further Belos's cause. Especially when it came to sending many palismen to their deaths.

With his own palisman now dead, the engraving we would eventually see on Flapjack's grave: "Thank you for finding me", would be the destination. But the journey needed to reach that destination of amazing gratitude in the first place...must have been a harrowing one. In the early months of the acute grief, it would've been more like "Why did you have to find me?! You shouldn't have. Then none of this would've happened". Not forgetting the number of times Hunter has replayed in his head what he could've done differently, trying so desperately to rewind the clock and make that better alternate timeline a reality.

If you remove The Collector and even Luz from the equation in the Luz nightmare scene, Hunter may well be having such responses - the ones that puppet!Hunter directed at Luz to blame Luz - as a dialogue with himself. He might direct those negative emotions towards himself since he's so careful about hurting others and has taken on unfair punishment for so much of his life.

Even when he was temporarily himself, smiling, expressing a positive emotion to encourage Luz with "What's the first thing you do when you wake up from a bad dream?", that was him conversing with another person, someone external. Not his own self. I am willing to bet he wasn't at a point in his arc where he would smile at himself like that and easily encourage himself in the same way.

While we can be certain he had already reached his breakthroughs by the time we saw him post-timeskip, he has not experienced them yet in the frame above. He has not felt (yet) what Luz felt onscreen when she had breakthroughs in relation to her moral injury:

Taking a leap of faith to accept the Titan's gift, to trust that he chose her because she has a good heart and will never be Belos.

Then later, being able to stand firm, believing she truly is good ("I am the Good Witch Luz!"), and not uttering a word to Belos as he died - which was post-traumatic growth beyond how she broke down under his threats and manipulation towards the end of Hollow Mind and later in King's Tide.

Recap time. In the (quite likely) long period that passes by before we meet his new palismen, he's likely going to want to jump into action and attend meetings with Darius, Eberwolf and co, help to physically rebuild things and organize people with his own Coven Head experience. Leaning back on the ingrained and familiar lifestyle of pouring himself into work and gearing towards burnout is certainly a risk to watch out for.

The Hexsquad, CATTs and the Clawthorne sisters are going to notice his behavior and likely urge him to get appropriate rest and seek help.

However, there is the other extreme: Belos isn't around anymore to torment him, and Hunter would know this in the rational sense (head knowledge). Which leads to the possibility that he may swing towards shutting down as opposed to overworking tendencies. He would feel allowed to do whatever he wants, in this new Boiling Isles, and he had months of opportunities to do that in the early part of Thanks to Them before Belos's return.

What I'm getting at is, if he didn't sleep enough before, he might swing towards sleeping too much after finally collapsing from the familiarity of survival mode into unknown but genuinely safe territory. If he cared too much about helping others before, he might swing towards a depressive state of apathy (the closest canon reference point would be him digging his grave: he was very disarmed in that scene to even think much about helping anyone including Belos). This is why the screenshot I used of his smile drooping in The Collector's Palace, feels like a big clue to me. This would be where Darius, Camila and other adults have to seriously keep watch over him.

In the Cinema Therapy episode I had as a small reference for this post, the licensed therapist who hosts the series mentions that "It takes a lot longer to put oneself back together than it took to fall apart." In Hunter's case, the "falling apart" period here refers to that collapsing I mentioned. It would be the time between:

1. the grief hitting him in full force: when he subconsciously understands and acknowledges that Flapjack isn't coming back (which...will involve hell of a lot of wailing and sobbing. Him having a full version cry of those first few tears he shed at the end of TTT),

and

2. the time when the painful shock from feeling the full force of the grief has decreased enough that it plateaus.

This falling apart stage may need to pass before he seeks therapy. If he tries going for sessions while still going through that shock and pain, it might be too much for him.

As terrible and sad as it sounds, a deep dark spiral like this might be necessary. It would be his body and mind wanting to compensate for several years' worth of unnatural hypervigilance which wasn't serving him in a advantageous way (i.e. surviving) any longer. His body and mind begging for rest at last, to try and make sense of everything that happened. This big collapse into depression would empty out the old and free up much room in him for new stories, beliefs and perspectives to take root. Depression is, after all, the body's attempt to (maladaptively) try and protect us by numbing us, or else we would be overwhelmed.

As someone whom we know keeps himself very busy, this could be the period where he is the furthest he has ever been from that old simpler life. Because his CPTSD-ridden body would be demanding more than ever that he compensates for a childhood and teen years' lack of general rest, he may not even have the strength to cope the way he did before. The only way he might possibly cope in this period is to go with the flow of that raging current and do exactly what his body is asking of him: getting real rest.

Like what happened with Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, this early grieving stage would emotionally be difficult and terrifying, like walking along a tightrope, finding balance between left and right to angle yourself as straightly as possible and walk forward. (the tightrope metaphor is what I use with some of my clients to explain swinging between extremes of coping mechanisms).

The missing pieces of the puzzle in his arc, in the 4-year duration before the timeskip, might be his own version of these points in Luz's arc:

where she sank lower before she realized her deepest wish and emotionally experienced her worst fear in her Watching and Dreaming nightmare.

For Hunter, these could look like the following:

Like Luz saying it'd be better for everyone that she permanently stays in the human realm, Hunter might say he wants to remove himself from his loved ones in some way, for good. Whether a literal suicide attempt (like Katniss from The Hunger Games) or not, I can't say for sure.

A parental figure trying to reach out to him, saying he is deserving of Flapjack's gift. But he still struggles to believe that. What matters though is this parental figure is present and he's not pushing them away.

Him hearing some confirmation of his deepest negative belief about himself, in his own nightmares. Like Luz hearing the most terrifying things she could ever hear - Amity's "You've been the real villain this whole time" and "But for the sake of everyone you hurt, I challenge you to a witch's [duel]".

Him being able to reach an emotional space where he can begin to question that unhelpful belief: "Am I really deserving of Flapjack's gift?", or something similar.

The big moment when he finally tells someone how he really feels about the possession, Belos's death, Flapjack's absence in this new supposed peace and quiet....this would be the important invitation for the other person to connect and meet his emotional needs, and is a lot like how support groups for addiction work: a client needs to acknowledge that they are struggling with a problem, not avoiding it with distractions any longer, and then seek help and express their need for said help.

I suppose the question is how soon Hunter might decide to accept professional help and give it a go: or whether he'd have the genuine need for space first and say "I need some time". Because one's rational mind can be ready to go for therapy, but their subconscious and body would find it too unpleasant if it's too soon. Every part of him would have to be ready to begin putting himself back together after the falling apart stage occurs.

The messed up experience of CPTSD is that you stay shockingly calm during real danger, but on the flip side have big, disproportionate freakouts during actually safe times. Compare how calm Hunter was when he smiled at Luz in her nightmare while he was tied up with puppet strings vs. his fear and shame when he couldn't save Luz in Clouds on the Horizon. 

In a CPTSD memoir I read, the author describes that it was horribly frightening to hear her partner be in a bad mood and wash the dishes more loudly than usual, while during the pandemic, she felt completely calm seeing empty shelves in a supermarket when she struggled to get supplies.

From my own experience, I have experienced being pretty damn calm when bleeding out and needing hospitalization. But in a different year before that, I recall one afternoon alone in my house right before a vacation where a strong gust of wind very loudly slammed an open door shut next to where I happened to be standing, and I broke down sobbing from a retraumatization via an emotional flashback. Because it felt extremely real as if my abusive parent was lashing out to physically hurt me. 

After a 5-year period of mostly being in talk therapy, and then a 2-year period of regularly scheduled EMDR therapy, my response if I have a door loudly slam shut near me now would maybe be a smaller-scale flinch and a flash of anger that would last about maybe a minute. Which is miles better than sobbing for half an hour and being dissociated and frozen in a memory for hours before I thaw out of that flashback.

Since the show's writing is just that good, I could look at Luz's depressive symptoms manifesting in Thanks to Them and see a likely parallel in Hunter's story moving forward, since we know how much this show also digs neat and tidy parallels. These are characters written for TV after all, so they'd have to fit a formula to an extent, to have compelling arcs and reach high and low points along said arcs.

Part 2: Therapy Itself

Part 1 was the setup to give a good amount of context: now for the technicalities of the therapy sessions themselves:

Like Adrian Graye said in Labyrinth Runners, Illusion Magic can sort through memories. We have seen from Gus's own powerful Illusion abilities that he could do so with Belos. It makes sense that a therapist does this in sessions to have a magnified version of how in our world, therapists exercise empathy by imagining what it is like to be their clients:

I would monitor whether his mood (what he is feeling within) and affect (how the emotions appear on the outside e.g. tone of voice, face expressions) are congruent. Congruence usually means a client is in less distress. Incongruence might mean they are in so much pain that they can't connect directly with the main emotion: the perfect example of this being Hunter laughing when digging his grave.

We therapists take note of aspects such as affect, mood, the client's motor activity, any indicators of psychosis, even down to things like how untidy their hair looks in case we get clues about the severity of their issues (this is called a Mental Status Exam, and we write what we see in our case notes per session).

Because CPTSD is so relationship-centric, I'd discuss how he's getting along with new parental figures (the Belos replacements who will heal him so much and change his life forever!) and friends.

If the Boiling Isles therapists use their own equivalent of EMDR therapy, which is theorized to be like a waking version of how REM sleep and REM-related dreams help our brains to sort through memories, it sounds like a great fit for his case. This intervention involves subconscious work and could help him reshape how he experiences memories of Flapjack and Belos. EMDR clients are expected to see vivid images popping up without control in their mind during the sessions, and they are quite symbolic e.g. seeing a grey sky often indicates grief, seeing lighter colors indicates more calm. This technique helps a client's subconscious rewrite their story the way they'd like it to be, and install new positive beliefs and emotions over time.

My own example of EMDR experiences from the second half of 2019 as a client, is it majorly changed how I related to my own abuser, got me to finally feel allowed to emotionally break away from her, even though she is still alive and even lives in the same building.

In the early sessions, I saw an image of my 5-year-old self being forced to wear an ugly grey apron that my abuser used for baking. The apron is a real object, not fictional, and the emotions I felt showing up were matching with the image: feeling very uncomfortable seeing a visual representation of my abuser's hold over me.

But in a later session after a few months, guided by my therapist, I saw a vivid image of my abuser receiving a sea burial. She was lying peacefully on the water surface and sank down until she was gone. That was me subconsciously burying any expectation that she could ever provide what I needed. This was so powerful that I could go home after that session and permanently (so far) be significantly calmer around my abuser.

Therefore if Hunter goes through something like this, he'd potentially be able to put Belos to rest and have it feel very real and true: and have significantly reduced distress about Belos-related memories. There is the potential for powerful breakthroughs for him here, especially also related to Flapjack's death and how challenging it might be to carve palismen in the beginning. Especially since in the worst case scenario, even touching palistrom wood might be enough to badly trigger him. I cover this particular point a bit more in my other meta, Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1).

We would also be discussing what he's implementing into his routine and what may benefit him. I would be seeing if he is able to laugh about things, be motivated enough to be outdoors and among people, experience pleasure when creating new things, and form closer bonds with parental figures (what I just listed is to do with neurotransmitters in the brain that increase mental health: serotonin, endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin).

If I were his therapist I might suggest that whatever volunteering tasks he does, he carries those out with his friends, and time should be allocated to managing and taking care of a specific demographic: children. Because I think it'd be a safe, low stakes form of unfamiliarity for him to have enough emotional distance from his traumatic memories. Early months of acute grief usually require such emotional distance.

Having a good dose of an environment like that alongside the other tasks where he's working alongside Darius etc, could help him because kids' emotions are less complex, and their infectious laughter and fun-loving nature may play a role in helping him be more open with his own inner child. His therapist would be seeking to draw out that inner child in their sessions, and that little child would need to feel safe enough to emerge.

Importantly, his future palisman: it would've been interesting if he did what Luz did with Stringbean and allowed the palisman to be whoever they wanted to be...that would've been a nicely organic process. But even if he had a good idea to incorporate a Flapjack-like design but change details like the color, I'm sure he thought it through very well. I'm certain that this was a major topic of discussion at some stage of his therapy. Discussing the guilt he'd feel about replacing Flapjack vs. still taking Flapjack with him in a new way.

Coming from a strengths-based angle: paying attention to which of his individual strengths he is shows and recounts in the session. If he needs reminding, I could give him a simple worksheet listing various positive qualities and ask him to circle/colour in which ones he feels he has, which then prompts further discussion and questions. Lastly, a powerful tool called reframing e.g. if he says he's worried about being a nuisance to his friends, I'll point out how much he cares about their comfort and affirm that place of kindness.

Work on inviting self-compassion into how he sees himself. Is he able to view himself the way he views his friends? If he remembers the encouragement he gave to Luz about "turning on the light", I would ask him what that would look like in his own life, symbolically.

Hunter's own life has been a really really bad dream for a very long time. He himself has to reach for that light switch and choose to heal by embracing Flapjack's ultimate gift to him.

And we can rest assured that Hunter did that.

Because this post-traumatic growth right here?

This looks like multiple breakthroughs have taken place while he's been receiving consistent care from an excellent community. And there's no way it was an easily won victory. It has been very much hard-won, after how dark the story became in Hollow Mind and Thanks to Them, and it looks like whatever breakthroughs he had left him pleasantly surprised.

It doesn't seem like his heart and soul can contain this much joy and hope, without a very painful dismantling to have taken place first, to make room for the most unexpected treasures to fill his life back up.

The joy becomes even greater if you never would've expected it in your wildest dreams.

[blueiight]

noble fujoshi paladin... choose violence!!! for Utena (3, 9, 13, 19, 24, ik it's a lot so pick whatever u want)

3.) screenshot or description of the worst take u seen on tumblr

okay yk how tumblr will like throw random posts from ppl u dont follow on ur dash just cuz u post about a topic a lot? before i (somewhat) figured out how this app worked that feature tormented me. n i seen someone frame juri& shiori’s ending as if juri was being freed from some evil controlling abusive fake gay bitch when if anything, following the show’s ending juriori ends on somewhat of an optimistic note? u literally have ruka’s episode end with ‘wish as hard as u can, and they may know ur feelings’ with shiori walking behind juri and juri slowing down to let her catch up & shiori end up w/ a locket of her own in the badminton scene watching juri and utena play the game w/ envy. this isnt so much what that person thought so much as (read to me as) shiori coming to terms with her love for juri w/o wanting to ‘beat’ her at the game of vulnerability or ‘destroy the me in her glare’, and juri being open with herself in a way she before this never allowed herself to be. the juri we were introduced to dont wanna be saved, shes stewing in her own misery & simultaneously lords her own misery over other’s heads. she thinks shes better than the other duelists bc she has no immediate evident need for anthy, but believed her own feelings for shiori were so impossible to realize that a miracle (& anthy as the object of such, the facilitator of this ‘ miracle ‘) was needed to realize such. and that makes juri an amazing character. i find with juri especially that people tend to project their own pasts onto her which is fair but it dissuades them from analyzing her as a character in a narrative which is so sad cuz her arc w shiori (& ruka even) is so fascinating… the girls may have more in common w blueberry touga than they think in wanting to ‘save’ juri here lolol

13.) worst blorboficiation

i had to look up what that word meant LOL but i feel like fans dont talk about utena’s own arc w/ the same sophistication that they do the other characters which is crazy cuz its literally a show about her. its part of my own motivation for an eventual rewatch , bc her arc is so amazing but ppl just think shes a complete dumbass & a jock when shes really a teenage girl whos trapped n is the victor of all of the duelists bc she grows to become aware. of where she failed and is unafraid to face her flaws in a way very few characters r able to become cognizant toward. imo nanami was the closest to ‘revolution’ outside of utenanthy bc she was the closest to realizing her flaw but couldnt accept being ‘ordinary’ in a way utena did. and utena’s victory, their destruction of the castle + self deigned exit from the narrative in the finale spawns everyone else’s eventual path to liberation. shes just my little boy 🥲🥲🥲also everybody wants to be an anthy or utena girl but theyre more like juri or blueberry touga than they think. soz!

24.) topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

sexuality HCs + in a similar vein, racialization of these characters… also ppl who think bc their fav cartoon derived some aesthetic inspo from rgu or general shoujo looks that rgu is just a cute kid’s show lol. also also ppl who completely shit on the rgu manga& chiho saito like. do they know she worked on the anime??

[consequencesofargentdawn]

You've been a thorn in my side for a long, long, long time now CoAD. A few screenshots of some things said in jest won't be enough to bring me down. Your blog has done nothing in the past few months apart from cause a few weak willed members to flee like the rats they are. Even though you've been trying to get into Shewp's head, he is far more resilient than a cretin like you gives him credit for.

The PCU is a -legion- and members are loyal. For every person that has left, more people have joined. CoAD will be too cowardly to post this, but know that the PCU is still growing stronger despite the claims made here. I want you to know that -I- like many others will very much be going down with the ship if you ever did happen to succeed (which you will not). You will never drive us from this server and we won't bow down by choice.

It will only be a matter of time before we find out who you and your editors. We know you have agents within the PCU as well, both old and new - they are being hunted within renewed effort and will be discovered and blacklisted for abetting you. You have had nothing more than a few 'minor' victories CoAD - the war is on going and there is only room for one of us in the future of Argent Dawn.

Hold on, let us get the 'how to deal with an internet tough guy' textbook.

Firstly, how is losing five guilds in four months doing for you? We found it rather funny that even after Grim Gest, Cleft of Shadow and Ardent Pursuit merged with their opposite faction counterpart ( We thought neutral RP was bad! ) These guilds have continued to lose numbers rather than gain them.

More on the PCU census soon actually, keep an eye open sports fans.

The PCU is anything but legion and loyal. Considering a majority of our contributions come from members or ex members disaffected with what is happening. A failed vanity project with its founder now actively trying to pull people off WoW. Guild leaders and officers repeatedly shown to engage in threats of violence and being sex pests. "THREE HUNDRED MEMBERS STRONG" is now barely down to about 30 active members at any major PCU event, the size of a normal guild.

Twenty five failed guilds, of which twenty have gone dead since Perroy fell off the radar last year. Your guild leaders are insulating themselves or outright abandoning ship. Vitsaus nervously stops advertising his guild as PCU in trade chat, all of your elf guilds have imploded spectacularly. Talirei(Azure Dawn), Lunarglade(Eternal Sisterhood) have ran off to make pseudo-PCU guilds with their loyal followers (The Sunspear and House Bemoux respectively). Even the nominal leader of the PCU, Gruggosh has made an insurance guild on the Alliance as the Sword of Triumph.

We fully expect the likes of you (either Coalburnt or a Grim Gang stooge writing this) to go down with the ship in emulation of your primary inspiration. Der Untergang of the PCU is already inescapable at this point and the whole server knows, we're just watching and waiting for the last rants of the PCU 'Endsieg' to whimper out.

So please, do continue showing yourselves to be the biggest clown convention Argent Dawn has ever known, please do continue to bully and harass your own members for non-compliance and ideological impurity. Please do continue to try and fail miserably at identifying 'big bad CoAD' and showing how much we live rent free in your heads. You only show the rest of us what kind of sick and demented people exist inside the PCU, so obsessed with image and control and unable to fathom people enjoying their hobby in a way they dislike.

[wingodex]

Sourcing Copley’s Sociogram

so this started out because i recognized some of the photographs and art on copley’s wall, and got curious about everything else. i know that the dates and locations of the original pictures don’t necessarily have anything to do with what they’re supposed to be in the movie but i thought it was interesting enough to share. plus i spent a not insignificant amount of time tracking down some of these images. the organization is a mixture between chronologically in the show and from a timeline perspective. the rest is under the cut

So we start out with this mosaic that you see when Andy looks at the sociogram for the first time while confronting Copley. This is a Roman mosaic found in Antioch, which is near modern-day Antakya, Turkey. It’s from the 4th century CE and shows an Amazon Warrior in mounted combat against a Greek soldier. Mosaics were found in both private and public buildings throughout the Roman empire. They’re made up of small cut pieces of marble, tile, glass, pottery, stone and shells called tesserae.

Here you have the title page of the 1668 edition of Andromaque, a play written by Jean Racine. It was first performed in November of 1667 for the court of Louis XIV by a company of actors called “les Grands Comédiens.” The play follows the story of Andromache after the Trojan War when her husband Hector has been killed and she has been taken prisoner.

The portrait of Andromache is from the book “Promptuarium Iconum Insigniorum” by Guillaume Rouillé. The book was published in Lyon, France, in 1553. The book is made up of portraits designed as medals, along with brief biographies for notable figures. The art was done using woodcut and there are 950 woodcut portraits in the book.

This is a fresco of Mycenaean woman bearing gifts. It’s from Thebes and was reconstructed by H. Reusch in 1956. The original fresco is from 1400-1200 BCE. Frescos were popular decoration, not just in palaces and tombs but in storerooms, kitchens and workshops. Fresco painting is a technique where the drawing is made on wet plaster. When the plaster dries, the image becomes a permanent part of the wall.

You also have a map by Bernardus Sylvanus (Bernardo Silvano) of Northern India and Central Asia. It’s one of the earliest obtainable maps of the area and the first printed in two colors. This map first appeared in Silvanus’ “Claudii Ptholemaei Alexandrini liber Geographicae” published in Venice in 1511.

This is a photograph of an ornamented, golden Minoan double-axe, or a “labrys.” In ancient Crete, the double axe was an important sacred symbol of the supposed Minoan religion. In Crete the double axe only accompanies female goddesses, never male gods. In Roman Crete, the labrys was often associated with the mythological Amazons.

This is a picture of the Holyland Model of Jerusalem in the Israel Museum. It’s a 1:50 scale model of Jerusalem in the late Second Temple period. It was originally commissioned in 1966 by the owner of the Holyland Hotel and was eventually relocated to the Israel Museum in 2006.

The first image is the cover of the book “Heroines of the Crusades” by C. A. Bloss. I don’t know if this is the original cover, but it is certainly an older edition. The book was originally published in 1853 and contains biographies of notable women who were involved with the crusades, as well as a general overview of the first through to the eighth crusade.

And then hey, it’s The Hague Map of Jerusalem! This is one of the artworks that I knew before. The original map is from 1190-1200 CE. The map takes some liberties with the layout of the city, prioritizing aesthetics decisions like making it have the layout of a cruciform. Circular maps are also like a thing from this time. It also uhhhhh mislabels some things, such as the Dome of the Rock and the al-Aqsa Mosque, but that’s maybe expected. At the bottom you can see some mounted crusaders chasing after Muslim fighters. It’s drawn on vellum.

I’m grouping these two images together for clarity, because they’re both by the same painter. From the moment I saw the paintings, I thought that this was kind of a weird pull for Copley, but not necessarily for us as viewers. These paintings were done by Italian painter Paolo Domenico Finoglia (known as Finoglio) and are from a series of large paintings based on the poem “Gerusalemme Liberata” (Jerusalem Delivered) published in 1581. These paintings are baroque in style and were commissioned in 1634. The first painting is “The Duel of Raymond of Toulouse and Argante” and the second painting is “The Duel of Tancred and Clorinda”. Now, when I say this choice of paintings makes sense to us, what I mean is that parts of the poem Jerusalem Delivered are about a Christian crusader falling in love with a Muslim defender who he then kills on the battlefield (that’s the second painting of Tancred and Clorinda). It’s a fun parallel, although Clorinda converts to Christianity before she dies. Sidenote, but Joe and Nicky probably hated Jerusalem Delivered if they ever read it

This motherfucking painting. Finding out where this painting came from was an absolute nightmare. Not the worst to find, but certainly frustrating. So this painting can be found in the Borodino Panorama museum, although it’s not part of the panorama. The artist is unknown. The year it was painted is unknown. For all we know fucking Joe painted it. This is such a deep dive, I don’t know how Copley found this image. This painting shows French soldiers in Moscow as it burned. It’s called “Французы в Москве” or “The French in Moscow”.

Did you think we were finished talking about Napoleon? Well, we’re not! Copley has a lot of paintings from Napoleon’s Russian campaign on his board. There might be more on his eastern Europe wall too, but unfortunately, I can’t see it well enough to identify any.

The counterfeits potentially made by Booker show the 40 franc gold coin, known informally as the double Napoleon. These coins were first issued by Napoleon in 1803 to replace the earlier Louis coins. They were originally minted in two denominations: 20 francs and 40 francs, although they were minted in denominations of 5, 10 and 50 at various other times. The coins were designed and engraved by Jean Pierre Droz, and Pierre-Joseph Tiolier respectively. In the particular image of the coin that I found, you can actually see Droz’s signature. Tiolier’s signature appears in full on the dies that he cut himself (these coins only have a monogram). From screenshots of the end credits, I can’t actually see the specific denomination, nor can I see the date clearly, however I do know that the coins were minted sometime between 1807 and 1808. There were many different issues of these coins during Napoleon’s reign, and the fact that Napoleon has a laurel crowned head and that the coin says République Française rather than Empire Français narrows the timeline a bit. I might revisit this topic at a later date so watch out for that.

The first painting is “The Battle of Borodino, 7 September 1812” by Louis-François Lejeune in 1822. It’s oil on canvas. This painting depicts the attack on the Shevardino Redoubt, seen from the French side. While it was a French victory, it was a costly battle for both sides. During the Russian Campaign, Lejeune was général de brigade, although he ended up abandoning his post because of frostbite during the retreat and got arrested. He actually kept his paintbrushes with him on the battlefield. This painting was his masterwork. Now, with regards to the actual content of the painting, Booker would have been in the Battle of Borodino, as he didn’t try to desert until after the Battle of Smolensk.

The second painting is “Die Schlacht bei Borodino” (The Battle of Borodino) by Peter von Hess. It was painted in 1843 and is oil on canvas. Von Hess was a German painter who specialized in historic paintings of the Napoleonic Wars and the Greek War of Independence. This painting depicts the same battle as the previous one, although the focus is on the Russian and Lithuanian soldiers, rather than the French. This also shows an event from later in the battle; the counterattack on the Rayevsky Battery.

The last image is “The Boasted Crossing of the Niemen at the Opening of the Campaign of 1812 by N. Bonaparte” by John Heaviside Clark and Matthew Dubourg. The painting was based on a sketch by an officer, then painted by Heaviside Clark and engraved by Dubourg. It’s a coloured aquatint and was published in 1816. The crossing of the Niemen marks the beginning of the Russian Campaign in June of 1812.

There are actually quite a few photos of ToG during the Crimean war (1853-1856). These are actually some of the first war photographs ever taken, which is kind of neat, I guess. These photos were taken by Roger Fenton, a British photographer. These photos would have all been taken in 1855, so the tags on the photos are anachronistic but we can let it slide. The first image with Joe and Nicky is of Croat labourers. The second image of Andy is of a vivandière, a French woman attached to military regiments as a sutler. The last image (also of Joe and Nicky) is of British soldiers and is on of the covers of the book Victorians at War by Ian Beckett.

The photograph from the American civil war was originally of Union Generals, including General Philip Sheridan. At the time of this picture, Sheridan lead the Cavalry Corps, and the flag that you see in the picture is cavalry, so ToG rode horses during the American Civil War, according to this picture. It was taken in 1864.

I find the pictures of Haiti to be very interesting. First off, (and unrelated to the photographs themselves) because there was literally a coup d’état about every two years during this period in Haiti and unlike some of the other photos, these ones don’t even try to pretend they were all taken at the same time, or that they’re related at all. They’re just some pictures of Haiti during the early 20th century and it’s funny. All of photographs were taken in Port-au-Prince in Haiti. The first picture (from the upper left corner) is of the Market Square between 1909-1920. The second image is a street scene, between 1890 and 1901. Now the third photograph is making me lose it because in the movie it’s all mysterious, with a figure circled and a question mark, but in the original image it’s just a little kid standing on a public fountain. He’s not a member of the old guard. He’s not even 10 years old. This picture was also taken between 1890 and 1901. The last photo is another street scene, taken in 1901. I have to say, I’m very glad that the people in charge of the sociogram didn’t edited any of the guards’ faces on to anyone in these photos considering every single person in them is Black.

Okay, so now we’re getting into the First World War photos. There are A Lot of WW1 photos. This photo of Andy is actually from Gallipoli and was taken in 1915 by Ernest Brooks, an official war photographer. The Gallipoli campaign was an attempt by the Entente to weaken the Ottoman Empire by taking control of the Turkish Straits. All invasion attempts were unsuccessful and eventually they evacuated the area at the end of 1915. Andy seems to be wearing an Anzac uniform.

As for the rest of the photos in this shot, they’re also all from the Gallipoli campaign. The first photo is from War Illustrated in June of 1915 and shows  Australians soldiers dragging an artillery piece into position at Anzac during the Battle of Gallipoli. The second image is also from 1915 and shows soldiers bringing supplies to the Australian camp. The last image is of Anzac cove shortly after the landing there in 1915.

Originally I didn’t notice that this was an edited picture, but since I was already looking, I decided to track this one down too, and turns out it is edited. I honestly can’t tell whether it’s Booker or Joe, but that kind of looks like Matthias Schoenaerts’ nose, so I’m gonna say that’s Booker. This photograph was taken in May 1917 by Lieutenant John Warwick Brooke in Arras, France. These are British troops at the Battle of Arras, which at the time achieved the honor of longest advance in trench warfare. The battle was very costly on both sides, with around 290,000 casualties total. Warwick Brooke was an official British war photographer.

On the very right-hand side, you can see two pictures. The first one is of infantry of the 1st Canadian Division having a meal in the trenches at Ploegsteert, March 1916. It was taken by another official British war photographer, Lieutenant Ernest Brooks.

The next photo is from a series of photos of a raiding party of the 10th Battalion. It’s of the Cameronians (Scottish Rifles) waiting in nap for the signal to go. John Warwick Brooke, the photographer, followed them in the sap, where a shell fell short killing seven men. It was taken near Arras in March 1917. This photo takes place after the Battle of the Somme, during the German withdrawals to the Hindenburg line.

This fucking image. I’m so angry about this image. I spent hours going through World War 1 photo databases and then when I found the original source of the image it told me absolutely nothing!!! A waste of time!!! This is an image of a British soldier assisting two little French girls who had just escaped death but I knew that already, that’s how I found it in the first place. This photo was from the Haig “Official Photographs” series, which were from 1916 onwards. Edit: I found it again!!! This photo was taken in Bethune in May 1918. It was taken by war photographer Ernest Brooks. In April of 1918, the German Sixth Army tried to attack Bethune during the Battle of Lys (Fourth Battle of Ypres) but were repulsed. It was taken between offensives on the Western Front during the German spring offensive. The next major battle on this part of the Western Front began weeks after this picture was taken.

On the top of the screen there are two photographs. The first is a photo by Ernest Brooks from the Battle of Broodseinde (October 1917). The battle was part of a larger offensive - the third Battle of Ypres - engineered by Sir Douglas Haig to capture the Passchendaele ridge. This is an anti-aircraft gun in action during the battle. 

The next photograph is also from the German spring offensive, between the Battle of Lys and the Battle of the Third Battle of the Aisne. It shows a 12-inch gun (named "Bunty") of the Royal Garrison Artillery firing at Louez in May 1918. This is another photograph by John Warwick Brooke.

This image of Andy was also originally a photograph taken by Lieutenant John Warwick Brooke. This photo is of the 4th Battalion, Gordon Highlanders (51st Division) feeding a French refugee child in their improvised trench near Locon, France in 1918.

There are so many WW1 photos. The rest of these don’t have any of the characters in them as far as we know, so I’ll go over these quickly. The first picture is from the Western Front in France and was likely taken by John Warwick Brooke. This photograph was taken at night and shows two teams of machine gunners, strategically positioned behind some vegetation. The ground behind them looks sandy, suggesting they might be near the coast. Directly in front of the gunners a mine has just exploded, showering the men with debris. This picture was taken in sometime between 1916-18.

The next photo was also taken by John Warwick Brooke in 1917. This picture is of the Battle of Cambrai and shows a 'C' Battalion tank bringing in a captured 15 cm naval gun. Cambrai is an interesting battle because it was a tank/artillery fight mostly, and the British used a lot of new tank/infantry maneuvers. It also ended very badly for the British.

The third photograph was taken by Ernest Brooks. It shows soldiers of the 8th East Yorkshire Regiment moving to the front near Frezenberg in October 1917 prior to the assault (Battle of Broodseinde) the following morning. It was a victory for the British, which eventually led to the Germans withdrawing from the Belgian coast.

The last photograph was taken by Lieutenant William Ivor Castle, the Canadian official photographer in September 1916. It shows a shell being loaded into a 15 inch howitzer. This photograph is from the Battle of the Somme. The Somme was a Franco-British victory but of the 3 million men who fought in it, around 1 million were either injured or killed, making it one of the deadliest battles in human history.

So there’s actually photographic evidence of almost all of ToG being involved with the Spanish Civil War, but I’ll get to those in a second. The image that we see of Nicky in the credits places him at the Battle of Irún in 1936. He is with the Spanish Republican People’s Army. This was a major battle at the beginning of the war, as it allowed the Nationalist Army to capture the province of Gipuzkoa after Irún fell, which had been held by the Republic. It allowed the Nationalist Army to control supplies. The photographer is unknown.

Jumping forward a bit here, but I can’t believe I found this photo, like I wasn’t even looking for it and I found it, but still. Wow. So on the board, it’s shown that Nicky was in the Congo in 1964 during the Simba Rebellion. The original image is of mercenary Gerry Moggach, from Scotland, with self-made guns (Molotov cocktails lmaoo) in November 1964. The Congo Crisis was a period of political upheaval and conflict in the Republic of the Congo (which is now the DRC) and involved a bunch of civil wars that also served as a proxy conflict in the Cold War.

Now, back to Spain and the rest of the guard. From this BTS image of Copley’s sociogram we know that both Booker and Andy were involved in the Spanish Civil War as well. The first image, which Andy is apparently in, was taken in 1936 and shows her with a miliciana, which were battalions of woman who fought to defend the Republic. The photographer is unknown. The second image is of Republican soldiers and civilians. Booker is in this image. The original was taken in 1937 by an unknown photographer.

Now we get into the World War II photographs. This photo of Booker from WW2 was originally taken at Mount Tambu, New Guinea in July of 1943, by Gordon Short. The photo is of Leslie “Bull” Allen, an Australian soldier who was awarded the US Silver Star for rescuing 12 US soldiers while under fire. The battle was fought between Japanese and Allied forces. Australian forces eventually secured the area in August of that year.

This photo frustrates me. First, it doesn’t even look like they manipulated it, but also because “pacific” is written in the near the bottom right corner. Now, I’m not saying that Nicky wasn’t in the Pacific Theatre but now that I know where this image was actually taken it’s like. Ugh. This photo was not taken in the Pacific Theatre, it was taken of American soldiers at Omaha Beach on D-Day, June 6, 1944.  Omaha was the codename given to one of the five sections during the Allied invasion of Normandy. D-Day is the largest seaborne invasion in history, and it eventually led to the liberation of France and the Allied victory on the Western Front. Now personally, I think Nicky being there is very interesting and the timeline meets up better with his other WW2 picture. If you’ve ever seen Saving Private Ryan (1998), that movie opens with the invasion of Omaha Beach.

This photo of Nicky excites me for several reasons but also brings up some important questions about what the fuck Nicky was up to in 1944. The original photograph shows Private G.R. MacDonald giving first aid to a French boy in Brionne on August of 1944. The interesting part for me is the uniform though. MacDonald was part of the Toronto Scottish Regiment (75th Battalion). The Toronto Scottish Regiment were actually part of Operation Jubilee, although they weren’t able to land because of the tide and only had one fatal casualty, which good for them considering what happened to everyone else at Dieppe. Although Nicky probably wasn’t a part of that considering he was with American soldiers earlier in 1944.

Next to Nicky, on the right, you can see a picture of a plane and an explosion behind it. That picture is from Pearl Harbor in December 1941. The picture is taken at the Ford Island seaplane base and you can see the USS Shaw (DD-373) explode in the center background. USS Nevada (BB-36) is also visible in the middle background, with her bow headed toward the left. Several planes are in the foreground, a consolidated PBY, Vought OS2Us and Curtiss SOCs. The wrecked wing in the foreground is from a PBY.

This photograph is of French resistance fighters and was taken in September of 1944. The French resistance was a movement that fought against the occupation of Nazi Germany after 1940. The resistance engaged in guerilla warfare, published underground newspapers, acted as spies for the Allied forces and kept up escape networks for trapped soldiers and airmen. Although the woman in the original picture isn’t identified, there were many other women involved with the French resistance like Simone Segouin, Marie-Madeleine Fourcade, Lucie Aubrac, and Marie-Hélène Lefaucheux.

The first image is of a Boeing B-29A-45-BN Superfortress 44-61784 6 Bombardment Group G 24 BS. It was taken in June of 1945 while it was firebombing Osaka, Japan.

The next two images are of the smoke from the atomic bombs. The first picture is of the mushroom cloud over Hiroshima and was taken by George R. Caron on August 6th, 1945. The second image shows the cloud over Nagasaki and was taken by Charles Levy on August 9th, 1945.

Okay, so this is my absolute fav manipulation in the whole movie, because it looks so good. Here we have Nicky, Joe and Booker as guerrillas during the Cuban Revolution. If you saw this image and thought “wait is that Fidel Castro?” you’d be right! The man gesturing to the ground with a stick is in fact Fidel Castro. Now, what you might have missed is the man next to Castro who has been edited to look like Booker... yeah I’m like 95% sure they put Booker’s face on Che Guevara.

This image of Nicky during the American Civil Rights Movement is from the March on Washington which happened in August of 1963. 250,000 people gathered at the Lincoln Memorial to call for fair treatment and equal opportunity for Black Americans. This is where Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his “I have a Dream” speech.

This picture of Andy, Joe and Nicky is of Martin Luther King Jr’s speech at UC Berkeley in May of 1967. The speech was attended by about 7000 students and he spoke against the Vietnam war. Photograph by Michael Ochs (?)

This photo was taken of US soldiers in Huế during the Vietnam War. The photo was taken in 1968 during the Tet Offensive. Booker is the one behind the medic. There’s a post it note that you can see fully in a BTS image of the sociogram that confirms it’s Booker. The Tet Offensive, which was launched in January of 1968, was one of the largest military campaigns of the Vietnam War, and the largest up to that point. It was a campaign of surprise attacks by the VC and PAVN against military and civilian command and control centers in South Vietnam (ARVN and the USA). The Battle of Huế lasted over a month and resulted in the destruction of the city and the massacre of thousands of civilians.

This photo of Andy helping with Operation Babylift was originally taken in 1975. Operation Babylift was an evacuation of orphans from Saigon in the face of a North Vietnamese Offensive. 3000 orphans were evacuated and at the end of April, Northern Vietnamese forces launched rockets at Saigon.

This image of Andy shows her on the Berlin Wall. The original photo was taken near the Brandenburger Tor in November of 1989. The photo shows West Berliners helping East Berliners climb the Berlin Wall after the opening of the wall was announced by the East German Communist government. The photo was taken by Jockel Finck.

tw ethnic cleansing, tw islamophobia, tw genocide. The photos of Booker in Bosnia and Herzegovina as a combat medic indicate that Booker was in Sarajevo for the Siege of Sarajevo during the Bosnian War, however the original photo was taken of the Cheshire Regiment (1st Battalion) in Ahmići, in April of 1993. The Ahmići Massacre was committed by the Croats during the conflict and was part of a larger series of attacks called the Lašva Valley ethnic cleansing, and targeted Bosnian Muslim civilians. Around 120 people were murdered in Ahmići.

These last images are all from wars within the last 20 years. The first image was taken in Daychopan, Afghanistan by Sgt. Kyle Davis in September, 2003. The photo is of Company A, 2nd Battalion, 22nd Infantry Regiment, 10th Mountain Division. They were searching for Taliban fighters and weapon caches.

The next image is of two aerial photos of the ISIS command and control Centre in Syria, before and after it was bombed by a US F-22 fighter jet in September 2014.

The last image is of a US soldier assisting a wounded Iraqi civilian in Fallujah, Iraq in November, 2004. Photograph was taken by Cpl. Theresa M. Medina.

As for the rest of the photos, (Joe and Nicky saving the man in the cave, Joe in the DRC, some WW2 photos and some background photos in the BTS images and during the movie) I haven’t been able to find them because they’re not clear, I don’t want to look at historical archives anymore or I don’t even know where to start with searching for them. I might pick up searching again later if I decide to become even more like Copley than I already am. If you have any additional info about some of the missing photos let me know! Also if you want any of the original photos or resources just let me know and I can send them to you!

edit: I just want to make this very clear, but some of TOGs involvement here is suspicious as hell. Obviously we don’t know the exact circumstances, but things like Nicky being shown as a mercenary during the Simba rebellion, Booker as an American soldier during the Vietnam War and the images of US soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan have some incredibly negative and incriminating implications. I worry that in my excitement about finding some of these images I glossed over pretty horrific details and context. It’s important to be conscious of some of the very real tragedies and atrocities being shown here.

[toushindai]

Respect and approval in the relationship between Zagreus and Megaera

So, I think a lot of people know that there's a mini storyline between Megaera and Zagreus that proceeds as follows: Megaera brusquely informs Zagreus that his victories against her "don't count" as he couldn't possibly have achieved them without Nyx's help via the mirror. If you respond to this by emptying out the mirror and fighting her, she'll remark on it. This exchange is referenced in an incredible video about Hades' dialogue system that I will link in the comments to this post (since we all know how tumblr is about links) and which I highly recommend if you haven't watched it already.

But I was surprised that the video didn't go on to highlight what is my favorite (and surely relevant to the video?) aspect of this storyline--that once you've beaten Meg like that, the followup conversation at home has three different variants based on how many gifts you've given her!

Spoilers for a lot of late-game, including post-credits, content.

The three variants are low relationship (zero gifts - five gifts); high relationship (six gifts - nine gifts); "became close" relationship (ten gifts).

At low relationship, the conversation is as follows. I apologize but I don't have screenshots for any of these; I'm taking the text from the files.

Megaera: Beaten. By you. Without the help of Nyx's mirror. You humiliated me. And now you've come to rub it in, I guess? Well, go on, then. Not like you can shame me any more. Zagreus: Meg, what is it going to take for you to quit treating me like I'm incompetent? Have I not grown even a little since we met? You were supposed to teach me something; what does that make you? Megaera: Tsch... why don't you raise your voice a little louder so that all the House can hear. Is that what you want? For everyone to know that you're superior to me? Zagreus: You're not hearing me, Meg. I know it sounds a little disingenuous considering we keep fighting to the death and all, but... I never meant to hurt you. Megaera: You give yourself far too much credit, Zagreus. Leave me alone.

At high relationship:

Megaera: Beaten. By you. Without the help of Nyx's mirror. You humiliated me. And now you've come to rub it in, I guess? Well, go on, then. Not like you can shame me any more. Zagreus: Meg, that isn't why I'm here, you know that isn't how I am. Why can't you see it? All I've ever wanted was to prove myself to you. Megaera: Tsch... you think that you can prove yourself to me by winning in a fight? Zagreus: Sometimes I think that I can never really win with you, Meg. If I held back, what would you have thought? Megaera: If you think you know me so well, Zagreus, then you ought to know better than to keep this conversation going with me, now.

(Yeah, that's "high relationship.")

At became close relationship:

Megaera: I can't believe it, Zag. I thought for sure that Nyx's mirror was the only reason you could beat me. I knew you'd changed to some extent, but... not this much. Zagreus: I had to see if I could do it, Meg. I've learned so much from you, I... thought maybe this was a way that I could prove myself to you. And to myself. Megaera: Prove yourself, to me...? You must not be as comfortable in your own skin as you let on. I can't decide if I like that about you. Now leave me alone while I give it some thought.

Which... it's better, right? It's better. It's maybe not great, still. But they are trying.

I mean so let's take this from the top. At low relationship, the conversation is fairly acrimonious on both sides. Feeling humiliated by her loss, Meg lashes out, and Zag snaps in return that if Meg's going to keep treating him like he's incompetent, it's only a reflection on her, who was supposed to teach him something. In this version of their conversation, we see the shadow of the relationship Hades pointedly engineered between the two of them raise its head, and if I were ever asked to textually back up my certainty that Meg, not only Zag, contributed to their breakup, I think I'd cite this. Meg's lack of respect for Zag is clearly a longstanding point of tension. Here, Zag feels like he's done something that ought to earn him her respect, only to be... what? Meg's first line is largely about her own insecurities rather than her opinion of Zag, but at the same time, the assumption that she should be superior, that that's the natural order of things, is baked into it. It's a serious blow to her pride that Zag has upset that natural order, and she's projecting her shame into an assumption that Zagreus is here to pettily gloat. Which is insulting, and Zagreus reacts from that place of insult.

But in his second line, as if he notices her pain, Zag is able to disengage from his anger a little (his portrait shifts from his angry "Defiant" one to his "Empathetic" one), realize that their communication is going a bit awry, and tell Meg that he doesn't mean to hurt her. This does not have the effect he possibly hoped for, and before Meg tells him to hit the bricks she says that he gives himself too much credit--by thinking that he has the capability to hurt her. Now this is a pattern with her, throughout their redeveloping relationship, even at max relationship, even once they're back together: Megaera repeatedly states that Zagreus can't hurt her. Here, it has a clear implication that she thinks Zagreus beneath her, not worth getting hurt over. ...It's absolutely belied by her humiliation in the rest of the conversation, but the scorn with which she makes the assertion is cutting and unkind.

Although... I do wonder. Especially given Zag's statement that he "never meant to hurt [her]"--that doesn't sound like he's just talking about his neat trick of getting past her darkness-free. He's referring to their past, almost certainly, and at 0-5 gifts this is well before he gets around to a proper apology or even his feelingsdump (feelingsdump, er, I'm sorry, "building trust", the "we need to talk" conversation, follows gift#6, the last nectar). What I wonder, sometimes, is--when Megaera says that Zagreus can't hurt her (boy does she love to say that.), if part of what she's saying is that Zagreus is not the only person contributing to the poor relationship between them. This is a thought on a different topic, I guess, and I'm not saying that in this conversation, she suddenly has a flash of insight that she's being kind of shitty and chases him away for that reason. Sincerely, I do think "I'm too good to be hurt by Zagreus" is an emotional habit she has for a sizeable chunk of time--perhaps one she developed as a reaction to their breakup, or as a shield against it as she saw it coming--and is what she means here. But maybe it means something else later. I certainly hope so. Because boy. she really loves to say it.

Let's talk about the variant at high relationship next. You could get this variant anywhere between the last nectar ("We may be immortals, but we're older now") and having given her the second-to-last ambrosia ("I wish I could do over how we started"). Once you give her the last ambrosia (when they drink together), you're in the territory of the final variant.

Meg's still cranky; her first line is the same as in the low relationship variant. It's Zagreus, who is at this time in the process of trying to get back in her good graces, who is less testy in response. I'd say he's clearly still hurt by her response, but he doesn't express that hurt by sniping back at her this time. Instead, he opens up, trying to make his intentions more clear, reminding her that he isn't the type to gloat. He all but says that he wants her respect. And he doesn't get it, here. Frankly, this variant is not much of an improvement on the low relationship one. Meg is less openly insulting, but it's clear that she still doesn't want to be having the conversation.

My thoughts on this variant are similar to my thoughts on some of the ambrosia conversations--and I say this as the most dedicated MegZag shipper you will ever see--in that when I see this, I'm not sure why Zagreus bothers. If, like he says, there's really no action he could take here that wouldn't end in Meg being peeved at him, what is he reaching for? He wants to prove himself to her--why? Is her approval worth having here? When Meg says (to cite the gift nine/third ambrosia conversation) that it's just a question of whether Zag is worth her time, why is it positive that Zagreus's wistful response is to ask her if he is worth her time, then?

Let me start bringing in the became close relationship variant here, starting with the last line of it, because Meg's response to Zagreus outright stating that he wants to prove himself to her is emotionally very similar to her response to Zag asking her if he is worth her time. In both cases, she seems to... not soften, exactly. She seems taken aback. She sees Zagreus's desire for her approval and his vulnerability that he lays bare in front of her, and in both cases, her response is one of uncertainty. She wants time to think about it on her own. She has kept hardening herself in response to the pain of their earlier failure (not every relationship that doesn't work out is a failure but I am quite certain she felt this way about theirs, if only because she was supposed to shape Zagreus a certain way), she hardens herself verbally and defiantly right in front of Zag's damn face, and he answers with wistful vulnerability. She tells him he can't hurt her, and he answers with "OK. But do you care about me? Could you?"

I almost wonder if Zagreus's vulnerability makes Megaera ask herself the same questions that these conversations make me ask myself. That remark she makes, that she's not sure how she feels about Zagreus's insecurity--I wonder if she's seeing how she's contributed to it, and needs time to figure out how to respond more kindly. And not just "more kindly," but in a way that's better for him. In the became close relationship conversation variant, Meg starts off in a much better mood, and offers the approval that--as we've seen in the other variants--Zagreus wants so keenly. However, when he states that as an outright motivation, I think she questions that influence she has on Zagreus, and wavers on whether or not it's a positive one, and wants to withdraw to sort out... everything about that situation. It's not an emotionally vulnerable response, maybe, but I do get the sense that it's a compassionate one.

These two are not perfect. They're coming from a background of a relationship that was arranged for them with the explicit intention of forcing Zagreus to mature--a setup that implicitly (if Hades didn't go ahead and make it explicit which, lbr, he very possibly did) defines Megaera as more mature and therefore superior. That relationship fell apart--and how could it not, with a setup like that--and some time has passed, and now they're stuck in a loop of fighting each other to the death. It's not ideal! But they cared about each other, back during their first relationship. Zagreus outright tells us that he caught feelings. Megaera talks around the same admission--through the rigidness with which she tells Zagreus and herself that they can't return to the way things were, that it isn't possible; through her admission, when Zag says he wishes he could change how they started, that she too "wish[es] for a lot of things." They cared-past-tense and they care-present-tense, but they still have emotional habits from the past, from the imposed hierarchy of their first relationship, and even in the most positive variant of Meg's response to the darkness-free victory, even in some of their biggest steps forward, we see some of those habits rear their head. It's something they have to work on and will continue to work on, I think.

And it's not a hopeless process. One of the best in-game contrasts to this dynamic is (of all things) when Megaera notices that Zagreus has made it onto the Featured Houseservant board. She remarks that never in her wildest fantasies did she imagine that Zagreus would make it up there. Zagreus, I think, doesn't know how to respond to that--he picks up the "wildest fantasies" thread rather than the compliment, bless this horny little man--but Meg is undeterred and points out that he really should be proud of such an achievement. And I think this is the perfect solution to the dilemma that is Zag's desire for Meg's approval, because Meg's uncertainty over that, her sense that it's an insecure concern, is justified. So here, she's showing that she respects his achievement but emphasizing that it's something about him, something he can and should feel intrinsic pride over, rather than just taking pleasure in her extrinsic approval.

This has gotten long (oh god it has gotten long) so I think I'll wrap up here. One of the things I love about Hades is how it doesn't force relationships to be Suddenly Great Now That The Story's Over. Hades and Zagreus are still struggling to figure out a relationship that works. Persephone isn't sure she knows how to be Zagreus's mother. Meg's still not getting along with her sisters (although it has been brought to her attention that she is as culpable in their relationship as they are). I think this point of awkwardness between Zagreus and Megaera--their having to figure out a system of mutual respect where it has not been before--is another example of that pattern. And I think they've got a shot at it. I think they can pull it off.

[supimjustwriting]

A Queen’s Tea Party

Riddle Rosehearts OneShot (x Reader[?])

Summary: It was simply another day at Heartslabyul. Today we follow the dorm leader Riddle and how he goes about the day. Always having to carry the image of being perfect becomes a heavy burden when you’re conscious about the tiniest of things. From the insignificant way you hold your teacup or the more notable of being on time or late for class. Each thought simply eats away at him and he can’t help but wonder why his friends stay with him. Not wanting to drown in his thoughts. He questions his closest friends. The shadow of rejection and uncertainty following close behind. 

Author’s Note: This song is highly interpretive and this my take on it. I thought out of all the fandoms I’m writing for and it fit Riddle the most. (I totally don’t have a bias towards him currently. What are you talking about?) Ah! If something I post doesn’t have a screenshot attached to it. It’s safe to assume that it wasn’t a request. I hope you’re all alright with me sneaking in my own little seedlings that I wanted to bloom.

Inspired by the song A Family’s Tea Party Original can be listened to here English Translation can be found Here

It was supposed to be like every other morning. Yet dread filled his stomach as the sun shone brightly as ever. A mocking beacon that life will leave him behind. That everything will continue on even if he wasn’t there.

‘Such thoughts should be thrown away. You’ve done as you are taught and follow the rules to the tee. No one will leave you behind. Nothing, will leave you behind,’ yet there it replayed over and over. The scoldings, longing gazes out the window, and children laughing below. Such a life was behind Riddle now. He was a prefect for the Heartslabyul dorm. He was needed here. His word is law here.

Peeling off his pajamas. The red-head started his weekend with clouded thoughts.

~

“Morning sleepy head.  It’s rare for me to wake up before you,” a familiar voice chimed, closely followed by the scent of freshly brewed tea. “Riddle? Are you feeling alright? You look pale.”

Eyes darkening, the shorter male quickly prepared his meal. His voice coming out harsher than intended, “ it’s nothing I can’t handle. Though,” a sigh escaped his lips as he plopped 3 sugar cubes into his tea. “I do appreciate the concern.”

Trey simply smiled. Taking his cup of tea with him before seating himself beside his childhood friend. Usually the silence between them was comfortable. Seems like today the curtain of happiness decided to close its shutters.

“It’s-” “Do you-” “I’m sorry you go first,” the two said in unison causing a smile to almost crack upon Riddle’s lips.

“Rock, paper, scissors. Shoot!” “Victory is mine Riddle. So, riddle me this. What’s on your mind?” A cheesy grin painted the clover-headed boy as he leaned against the table.

A low groan escaped the dorm leader’s lips, only blooming his friend’s smile more. Shifting upon his seat. Grey eyes gazed deeply upon the cloudy liquid as if the right words would emerge to the surface.

“Have you come to hate me?”

Of course he’d be met with silence. Trey is far too kind to admit such a thing. Surely he was putting- Before he sank ever deeper, a calloused hand ruffled his hair. Hesitantly looking up. His gaze met a reassuring smile and Riddle couldn’t help but smile back.

~

Retiring upstairs. The queen nested himself upon a rocking chair, hugging his knees to his chest. That was one person down but what about the rest? With a warm blanket of sunlight covering the boy as he slowly drifted back into his thoughts, the dread settled back in.

“Oya, oya ~ Now isn’t this a rare sight,” a voice purred from the shadows. “Taking a cat nap are we?”

Gleaming gold eyes shimmered from the corner of the room before slowly revealing a tuft of ragged purple hair.

“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” snickered Che’ya before wrapping his arms around Riddle’s shoulders.

Ever the rebellious Che’ya. His gut told him that the feline would find him, rather the other way around. Gently escaping from the stowaway’s arms. The chair creaked beneath him as he stood up. Riddle crossed his arms over his chest, now standing straight as a soldier.

“Taking a break once in a while doesn’t hurt. I believe a certain cat taught me that,” he quipped, earning a mock salute.

“Yes your majesty, though I didn’t think you’d take it to heart,” a cheshire grin painted Che’ya’s face only to be wiped off and quickly replanted due to a certain question.

“Have you come to hate me?”

Chuckling to himself, Che’ya simply flashed him another grin. “I believe you already know the answer to that. Nya ha ~!” and once again Riddle found himself alone. Only his friend’s fleeting laugh and grin accompanying him.

~

“Riddle! Happy unbirthday party. I hope you don’t mind Ace and Deuce inviting me,” your dazzling smile caught the dorm leader by surprise, earning you a forced smile.

How can you look at him in such a way after what he did? He was wailing and throwing a tantrum like a child yet you didn’t run away during his overblot. None of you did but why? Surely he didn’t deserve such treatment. Before he could stop himself the words slipped from his lips.

“Why don’t you hate me?”

With a knowing smile, you wrap the boy into your arms giving him a soft squeeze.

“Is it really that hard to wrap your head around? You’re Riddle Rosehearts. Our friend and someone we care deeply about. Nothing can change that. Not even you. Nor anyone else.”

“About time someone told him.” “He’s still our dorm leader! Show some respect!”

The bickering slowly got drowned out by laughter. Heat rising to his cheeks, the dorm leader felt a smile bloom from the bottom of his heart.

[scoobydoodean]

links to all the crit dramas? plz? pretty pretty plz? with plzes on top?

Bestie that is a BIG ask and I did not keep up with all the links for all of these (nor would it be feasible to link all of the wank that happened in some cases, and I think in other cases, it would be poor form). But here’s a rundown in (to the best of my memory) chronological order.

Poor wet cat failed pacifists Cas

I think this one may have more context than I know—it's a fairly common motif anyway and has been for years. But the disk horse was reignited at some point because Courtney Queermania said that Dean is, in fact, willing to be inconvenienced by Cas. This did not sit well with anti-dean destiels, who went on the post to tell Courtney they are wrong about everything because *looks at notes* Cas was dedicated to pacifism and Dean forced him to be an evil killer or some other made up nonsense. Dean also forced Cas to fall from heaven and poor bumbling billion year old baby Cas can't even take a shit without Dean's say so, so everything is always Dean's fault and he can't even be grateful and is mean and evil and probably abusive too etc etc. Funny stuff from people who ship Dean and Cas. Btw. Elements of this camp had been sending Courtney hate mail for months before this for daring to post a poll featuring canonical events that occur in the actual show.

Deangirl Uquiz

In April, I made a 50-question True/False uquiz called "How sus do you look to a deanfan (me)?" and said you were sus if you got anything less than like an 80 or something. It was supposed to be a silly, tongue-in-cheek shitpost. I did most of my fandom interaction over on @i-make-fun-of-spn-characters at the time, but intentionally did NOT post this uquiz over there (to a much larger audience) because the uquiz I'd made was meant for a small group of like-minded mutuals and followers who would actually understand the context and find it amusing.

Well. It ended up spreading.

Deancrits got ahold of it and were very very mad that I dared to say things like, "Dean is not largely responsible for Sam and Cas's issues" and "People should have laughed at Dean's jokes more" and "Sam and Cas didn't actually deserve Dean's trust in season 4/6 because they were gaslight gatekeep girlbossing and could not be trusted". They grabbed my uquiz to use like a fleshlight, then discarded it on the ground and cried that it was too big around to suit their tiny wieners.

Deancrits drove their followers to brigade my post and my page. I received hate mail. People spewed venom at me directly. Worst of all, someone I don't give a damn about told me I am not funny. :(((( People pushed and made uquizes to "combat" mine. I spawned countless vagues all over spnblr--some supportive, some spewing venom about deanfans violent hatred (???) for Sam and Cas. Whole mutualships were lost between people I didn't even know over this uquiz. It was nuts out there.

I sexily evaded deancrits with my sexy ways while they chased me through the town square, trying to wrestle me into a hair shirt. I edited the uquiz with some more snark since deancrits made it all about them anyway, and changed my icon to flaming Elmo and probably changed my header to say "@ Deancrits Suck my Ass" or something I don't remember. I think I became genuinely angry at one point for about 5 minutes. After that, I remembered a deancrit casgirl took my 50 question uquiz several times in a row, shitting out their insides with rage the entire time, then posted the screenshot of their 0% to all of their followers like the trophy head of some vanquished beast, letting out a warrior howl of victory. To this day, I could not tell you why they thought this would stick it to me. However, this was so incredibly funny that to this day I still risk pissing myself laughing when I think about it. To get that 0, they also had to call Dean their poor little meow meow btw.

Vegan Sam

Every few years deancrit samgirls start this really funny disk horse about how Dean is an evil food tamperer who doesn’t respect that Sam is a vegan. This, of course, is also a violation of Sam's bodily autonomy (see section below). Victoria Angelsdean dared to make an original post stating that Sam is not, in fact, a vegan and never ever has been one. This made vegan Sam truthers really mad, and it was really funny.

Later on, because Courtney Queermania had been receiving a continuous stream of hate mail from deancrits since February, I had lodged a threat (blackmail) to make a second uquiz of evil and villainy in retaliation should any more hate mail be sent to Courtney. During the "Sam’s Super Special Most Violated Autonomy Stolen Valor" disk horse, I made good on this threat, and featured a question about whether or not Sam is a vegan, which made them mad yet again.

Also this post was fun.

Jesus!Sam

Back in April, tumblr user christ-figure-bracket took it upon themselves to create a poll tournament to determine the ultimate christ figure in fiction. Samgirls have long enjoyed paralleling Sam with Jesus, and nominated him for the tournament. In the first round, Sam was put up against Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia—literal lion Jesus. Samgirls were determined to bring Sam victory. Much of SPNblr endeavored to assist because it would be funny if Sam won. I was a stick in the mud about it, and gave this as my reasoning:

#i’m sorry I know Sam beating Aslan would be funny but I can’t stand the sam = jesus take #worst thing sam girls ever came up with #and that’s a large hurdle to clear #not even because i have a problem with people wanting to read into things and explore symbolism #it’s because some of them get gigantic heads about it and then act like they’re being persecuted for their beliefs

Lo and behold—they proceeded to prove me right.

Very early on, some samgirls started telling people who voted against Sam to kill themselves, and complaining openly by name about fellow samgirls who didn't support their plight. However, the real trouble started when christ-figure-bracket made it clear in a humorous manner that they would prefer not to have wincest shippers in their notes. Enraged, angry wincest shippers began sending christ-figure-bracket hate mail, and adding wincest fic and art to their posts and sending it in DMs, and saying they were being persecuted for their beliefs. christ-figure-bracket could barely block them fast enough. Samgirls cleverly recollected—from a few hours before—that Sam had been placed against literal lion Jesus in the very first round. This and the wincest shipper blocking clearly implied christ-figure-bracket's barely-concealed hatred for samgirls. They were no impartial moderator—no! They intended to skew the poll to destroy Sam!

Anyway, christ-figure-bracket removed Sam from the entire tournament as a punishment. Sonic the Hedgehog ended up winning the whole thing, btw. Also I thought it was funny that Sam got kicked out so I said so in some tags. I got some absolutely batshit mail about my "unfandom behavior" and how I place myself as some "sane anti bully saint" and then the person pinned a vaguepost on their page about me choosing who to bully and who to baby for like a month.

Jesus!Sam disk horse returned for a part 2 when Courtney Queermania said something like, "Making a t-shape with your arms should be called 'Sammying'" and got this shit in their inbox:

Dean winning the best tits poll

People got really mad that Sam didn't win this. There was also a lot of arguing about "tits" versus "pecs" and whether Sam has good tits or good pecs.

Sam’s Super Special Most Violated Autonomy Stolen Valor

One day, Courtney Queermania dared to say on their own blog, that they were considering whether Sam’s autonomy actually gets violated anymore than anyone else’s, and weren't sure that it does.

This suggestion resulted in a firehose of anonymous hate mail on Courtney's blog, about what a terrible evil person Courtney is for daring to think this, about how Sam is the specialist most autonomy-less adult baby ever to exist, and how deangirls daring to possibly deny this truth or suggest anyone else ever experienced a violation of their autonomy is a violation of samgirls bodily autonomy in of itself.

To be clear, NOT ONCE did any of us go on any samgirl's page to interact with ANY of them in any negative way. And yet, samgirls fully treated all of us as absolutely evil horrible insensitive people who were actually harming them irl by posting things on our own blogs. While their friends spewed absolutely vile hate messages at Courtney, samgirl blogs were making posts about OUR cruelty and how any of us daring to find humor within the onslaught was deeply evil and insensitive toward them. It was literally argued that Samgirls themselves are all super special victims of abuse who all of us (who clearly have never been through anything bad ever) were being insensitive toward. So of course that mode of thinking within the samgirl community encouraged the hate bombing to continue as some justified form of "retaliation" against our cruelty.

Genuinely I think the hate mail on this went on for like 1-2 months. Some really really ugly vile shit was sent mixed in with some really funny shit. Questions were pondered such as, "Wait a minute—how is everyone defining autonomy???" "Is a demon tricking Sam a violation of Sam's autonomy?"" "Do Deangirls just want to give all of Sam's Super Special Traumas to Dean, who has never been through anything, ever?" "How many incidents can PK come up with where Sam violated Dean's autonomy within 3 minutes?" I posted the aforementioned blackmail uquiz, and Courtney gave all of us this incredible baby Sam image that shall live on in infamy (and haunt all of our dreams).

Psychic!Dean or: Sam's stolen valor part 2

I believe it all started when Laura ilarual made a post talking about a funny headcanon they came up with in a discord server, wherein Dean managing to predict the future fairly frequently is actually a display of latent psychic abilities Dean isn't aware he has. Courtney Queermania also joked about it, which is a crime punishable by death, because Courtney (a completely normal, nice person) is actually the devil incarnate according to a variety of hate anons who have targeted them nonstop since February 2023 for literally no fucking reason.

This resulted in this hate mail, and also blended with the general autonomy disk horse that was still going on in Courtney's inbox at the time.

I think what was funny to everyone about Psychic!Dean was how spitting mad it made people for absolutely no reason other than it was somehow perceived as "stolen valor" by samgirls. I started shitposting after that about how Dean can sense hidden rooms. Psychic!Dean has become one of my favorite headcanons since—we're all rather fond of it now.

Gun Safety: A Commentary on pillows and black store clerks

This is two different diskhorses in a trenchcoat that happened with deancrit destiels/casgirls. Once again—me and my friends never went on anyone's page to interact with anyone in a negative way.

This disk horse had two related flavors: is Dean bad and evil and the devil incarnate for 1) sleeping with a gun under his pillow and/or 2) Shooting Jack in the back to get his attention and keep him from strangling a black store clerk to death? Also, are either or both of these things abusive because of... the lack of gun safety?

I suppose you can guess what side deancrit casgirls landed on regarding both of these issues. It was suggested that the sheer possibility that Dean might hurt poor white baby Jack's feefees should trump the life of the innocent black store clerk he was strangling to death in a rage. Naturally.

Regarding the former vein of discourse: Someone got really really mad at Victoria angelsdean and me for making posts on our own blogs that didn't frame Dean as the source of all evil in the world for having a gun under his pillow, and started going through our blogs reblogging things and being an insufferably condescending asshat in tags with a very transparent goal. Among their complaints, were that "The Prisoner" is an incidence of "domestic violence" against Cas, and that Cas shoving his hand into a child's chest to feel for his soul causing him excruciating pain is perfectly fine, but Dean sleeping with a gun under his pillow is *looks at notes* abusive to Jack. Also they thought it was very important to remind all of us that their dad was in the army for some reason.

I was completely unable to take any of this seriously. If you haven't been on my page long, you might not be very familiar with my potty mouth, but it's important here. I've been here a long enough time that I've seen countless kind people get hate bombed by ugly disgusting assholes in this fandom, and this year I simply had enough. Somewhere around the 20th time I saw fellow deangirls get absolutely vile messages from deancrits or obnoxiously condescending reblogs full of nonsense in the year of our lord 2023, I started endeavoring to embarrass them. One way I did this was by equating deancrits who come onto deangirls blogs to police their posts and act like insufferable condescending assholes... with a dude who walks into a men's locker room and immediately whips his dick out. Everyone else is clothed, but this one dude starts running around naked, showing everyone his cock and going "LOOK HOW BIG MY COCK IS. SUCK ON IT" and not only is he being annoying and weird and harassing people—his dick is actually tiny. Basically I began saying, "Stop whipping your dick out on everybody else's blogs, acting like your cock is big and huge and bulging and I need to get down on my knees and suck it. No one is going to suck you tiny cock just because you decided to whip it out."

I used this metaphor with the person who was being a condescending ass on my blog. I promptly got accused of making "violent sexual threats" by one of their friends, and then another one showed up to tell me, "If internet cancellation were real, you would be so cancelled for this." I changed my header to say, “Cancelled by Ligma Balls” and blocked like 6 people and my blog has been blessedly free of deancrit casgirls throwing tantrums and trying to hit me with their babyhands since.

[056crowshit6556]

“Go. Just take him.” The cycle of Revenge in The Last of Us Part II

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE LAST OF US PART 2

Spoilers + screenshots under the readmore!

Some thoughts on The Last of Us Part II

The Last of Us Part II threw me for a loop in subtle, nuanced, deep, and impactful ways. It was a story of loss and hate, resentment and grief, and the major theme: The Cycle of Revenge.

These themes all come together in the last fight between Abby and Ellie– which, before I delve into some kind of analysis, made me cry. It was honest in its delivery, resonant in its pain. It seemed Ellie wasn’t just fighting Abby, but herself in a sense. And because we had played a big part of the game as Abby, I felt a hesitance to fight Abby to the death. It doesn’t feel victorious-- plainly put, it felt “bad” to fight Abby, and in another sense, it felt futile. 

I have a soft spot for storytelling, and there’s always been something about The Last of Us which touched me, probably because it focuses on the complicated nature of what’s morally right or wrong. At the game’s beginning, I wasn’t completely sold on Abby’s storyline. I could tell that Naughty Dog was trying to show a neutral grey area, that there’s no black and white, no true heroes and villains. I think alot of stories are going with this direction now, some poorly (i.e. a villain gets an underserved or forced redemption arc), but The Last of Us Part II treated its characters less like heroes and villains and more like human beings who are capable of good and evil, capable of bravery, selflessness, indoctrination, and antagonism.

The list could go on. The world of The Last of Us strives to mirror our own world to the best of its ability. It asks “what could go wrong in a post-apocalyptic world”, then in the same breath, “but what is beautiful and meaningful in such a world too?”

As the story progressed, I saw parallels between Ellie, Abby, and Joel. I saw the message as ‘destruction in revenge’; but also, by having two protagonists, one of which I should have been led to despise, I came to see each person as a “main character” of their own story, as we are main characters of our own lives, or stories, due to the limits of our perception. Abby’s world is different from Ellie’s, but there’s overlap, enough to see them as a reflection of each other. And as I’ll delve into, their story arcs follow similar paths, as they’ve both experienced loss which left them incapacitated, except... Abby’s story is about redemption, while Ellie’s is about hate and revenge.

This final fight, the scene near the end of the game, struck me for a number of reasons.

The location of the fight has significance, as the ocean represents our subconscious, and the fog represents disillusionment and confusion. Ellie had buried memories of Joel, both good and bad, into her subconscious. That was her way of dealing with the pain. She buried the pain “underwater” so to speak, into an underwater oceanic subconscious.

In that scene, she is surrounded by an “ocean of grief.”

It resurfaces to Ellie in dreams throughout the game. PTSD flashes of memory too. 

Ellie went after Abby a second time, and engaged in a fight with her. Abby, starving and weak, could hardly fight back. At the last moment with Abby’s head underwater, as she was drowning, Ellie sees an image of Joel– happy, safe, alive. 

And she falters, she releases Abby.

Ellie continued to seek vengeance, an outward action, rather than experience grief, which is an inward action. Revenge as the distraction. Grief as the unbelievably long, lonely process. Revenge may have been satisfying, but if Abby had been killed, what would happen next? Ellie would be sitting in the ocean, still wrought with grief, still unable to essentially face Joel’s memory (whether it’s the terrible memory of his death, or the good memories, or the memories where she pushed him away because of resentment).

When Ellie says to Abby, “Go. Just take him,” she’s talking about Abby taking Lev and making their getaway, but to me… it was the overarching summation, the metaphorical line that delved into the point of the entire story.

When Ellie says, “Go. Just take him”, she’s also talking about Joel.

The vast ocean in front of her represents the subconscious, the unknown, and death. Ellie is sitting in the water, facing the unknown, and inwardly, the grief she feels over losing Joel. When she releases Abby, she is releasing her desire for vengeance. It is a singular point in the story. Revenge is a goal, a mission– it’s what drove the story, especially from Ellie’s point of view. But… revenge is not really a process, it’s a cycle. Because as the story showed, one act of vengeance turns into another act, and then another. It is the serpent biting its own tail.

Abby’s cycle of revenge halted because of Lev.

Abby’s responsibility was altered by the presence of Lev. Lev tells Abby to stop just before Abby is about to kill Dina. 

The music at this part slows from an adrenaline-fueled heartbeat. The hate and the rage lessen. Quiet takes over. The presence of Lev is what stopped her. This new-found purpose halts the cycle of revenge on Abby’s part. She is done.

Abby found new purpose and direction in her life because of Lev. Abby’s relationship with Lev is very similar to Joel’s relationship with Ellie in the first game. Joel found new purpose and meaning in his life with the arrival of Ellie. They even look similar to Joel and Ellie, I believe, in how Abby is clearly Lev’s protector, as Joel was Ellie’s protector in the first game:

(Even the colors of their clothes resemble Ellie and Joel in the first game).

By the game’s end, Abby has found new purpose in her life just as Joel found new purpose in his through Ellie. As Joel said in the first game,

“I struggled for a long time with surviving. And you– No matter what, you keep finding something to fight for.”

Earlier, Abby and Owen are speaking outside the surgery room. Abby says that Yara and Lev are just kids, then she asks:

Abby found the light in Lev, a Seraphite, or “Scar”– she found the light in someone who would otherwise be her enemy.

Abby has a recurring dream, in which she’s walking down the hospital corridor towards the surgery room where her father was killed. It is her place of fear, her nightmare, and over and over it haunts her, replaying her pain and trauma.

After saving Yara and Lev, the dream changes. Her father is alive and smiling, almost as if this is his way of saying goodbye to her.

That is what’s crucial here– After Abby kills Joel and satiates her need for revenge, she still has the nightmare of her father’s death. Revenge did not reconcile her pain, it did not stop the nightmare– in fact, it only created guilt.

In the boat scene, Owen explains why he killed Danny. He describes how there was a Scar at a camp, and he was going to kill him. He describes how he hit the man on the head, hard, but he just laid there. He didn’t go for his weapon. He was an old man who was tired and ready.

And something about that weakness, that human vulnerability, breaks Owen, and he can’t kill this old man. The cycle of revenge exhausts itself.

This story directly parallels Joel’s– he was an old man who was tired and ready.

In this same scene, Owen shames Abby for going after Joel. Mel does the same in a later scene, telling Abby that she’s a bad person. Abby’s group struggled with the action they took on Joel. Abby does too. Her reaction to Owen and Mel shaming her shows she feels guilt over what she did.

That guilt is reconciled with the arrival of Yara and Lev; particularly Lev, who becomes Abby’s responsibility later in the story.

By the same token, Ellie had that option with Dina and the baby. She could have shifted her direction in life towards her new family, but she chose not to– instead, she went after Abby a second time. It could be because she was overwhelmed by grief, or because her trauma felt unbearable. Maybe she was obsessed with the idea that revenge would alleviate the pain. Or maybe, she felt responsible for Joel’s death.

Ellie continued to move her life in the direction of vengeance, when really she needed to confront her own grief of losing him. And that takes time. That takes confrontation. The stagnation of “doing nothing” is not in Ellie’s character (for instance, Dina loses Jesse because Abby killed Jesse, but she does not seek revenge. She refocuses her life on her baby). 

To contrast, Dina’s responsibility in life is to her child; Ellie’s responsibility in life is not necessarily to get revenge but to atone for her resentment towards Joel.

Ellie attempts to drown Abby as though it will bury the memories of Joel even more, but they surface regardless, one small droplet memory of Joel sitting on the porch with a guitar, and she can’t do it. She can’t continue the cycle of revenge.

After the final fight, Ellie looks out into the ocean, but there is no horizon. The fog covers it. There is no point, no “point on the horizon.” There is no point in continuing the cycle of revenge. As the poet John Ford wrote, “Revenge proves its own executioner.” Ellie was destroying herself as much as she was destroying her enemies.

I think... the reason Ellie had such difficulties dealing with her grief was because she felt responsible for Joel’s death in a roundabout way-- if she had died on the operating table, Joel would have never been a target, if she had never been immune, she would have turned when she was bitten-- and because she felt guilt, because she couldn’t accept their last conversation.

Which was so beautiful in its simplicity. Neither Ellie or Joel knew this would be their last conversation, and so there’s a sense of mundanity about it. It’s crucial but at the same time, not (because we as the players know this is their last conversation). 

Ellie says she will consider forgiving him. The animosity Ellie felt towards Joel was not entirely resolved. And besides that, she had been giving him the silent treatment for over a year before that. She lost time with him because she held a grudge; the grudge is another reason she feels guilty. (Not saying Ellie’s grudge isn’t warranted. That’s what makes the situation so complicated and nuanced. She had a right to be mad because she wanted the vaccine, she was willing to sacrifice her life for it. So we see the difficulty she has in accepting Joel’s decision). Which spurred her on in her quest for revenge, while pushing aside the grief she felt.

There is not point in continuing the cycle of revenge. Grief… it doesn’t necessarily have a “point” either, I don’t think. Like the ocean, it comes in waves. It soaks the body. It ebbs and flows, but it will lessen with time. As with Abby, who found a purpose in life by protecting Lev, Ellie has the option of finding a purpose in her life too– not the one she initially wanted, in which she sacrificed herself for a cure, but maybe one built with the same kind of love Joel felt for her.

But the process of grief means Ellie has to essentially, at one point, say to Death or the Unknown, Okay. You can take him. When she releases Joel, she is releasing so, so much more than what she would have gained from killing Abby.

At the game’s beginning, when Joel was dying, he looked at Ellie, and he smiled. There was something in his eyes that said he was glad, for everything, the pain, the struggle, the heartbreak, because in the end he’s looking at Ellie, and in the last crucial moment it’s as if he thinks, ‘It was worth it, for you’. 

He knew the consequences of his actions when he stopped the Fireflies, when he stopped the cure from ever being made, and when he took Ellie from that hospital. He knew there was a risk involved, but at the game’s ending, during the flashback scene, he says, “If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment… I would do it all over again.”

(*Brief note: Interestingly enough, Abby is not explicitly seeking revenge on Joel because he prevented the cure from being made... she’s seeking revenge because he killed her father. It shows that in the grand scheme of things, what matters is the close relationships we form with others... that if Ellie had been the cure she would have been remembered as an almost “deified” concept, but Joel would have returned to the hopelessness of his own life.  Abby didn’t enact revenge for humanity’s sake, she did it for her father. This ties in nicely with the ongoing war between the WLF and the Seraphites, and how each faction is a faceless mob until individuals like Yara and Lev meet Abby, or Owen has his emotional experience with the old man who was too tired to fight. Owen says he’s tired of fighting for land he doesn’t give a fuck about. It begs the question of what’s important in life... like the memories of Joel and Ellie exploring museums or Tommy and Ellie sharpshooting. It was the small, seemingly insignificant moments which mattered most, the moments Ellie remembered).

Joel died without regret. He died knowing that Ellie would be willing to forgive him. And even though their time of peace was brief, he died happy for the small moments they got to spend together, that for all the pain and suffering, in the end, it was worth it.

Ellie is angry at him because she believes her life would have mattered if she sacrificed herself for a vaccine. That there was a point to all the loss, for her best friend Riley’s death, for the numerous other deaths she witnessed in The Last of Us. When Joel took her from the hospital, it was selfish, but that’s because her life does matter, to him. Beyond being a cure, beyond being a martyr, Ellie as a human being matters to him. Yes, she would have been remembered as “the cure”, but only Joel would have remembered her as an actual human being: a person with habits, quirks, unique traits, vices and virtues.

He would do it again knowing how much she would resent him for it. I don’t know how else to describe that. I think it goes along the notion that, you don’t truly understand what it means to love someone more than anything, more than yourself, until you’ve had a child. With loss comes grief, then hope. Joel lost his daughter Sarah and suffered for years, but Ellie gave him hope. Abby lost her father, but found hope in Lev.

Ellie lost Joel, but what kind of hope returned to her at the story’s end?

When she returns to her home, Dina and the baby are gone. The house is empty, and all of Ellie’s belongings have been put into a single room. She goes there, and picks up the guitar Joel gave her.

Ellie lost two of her fingers, and now she’s unable to throughly play the guitar. The notes are disjointed, the melody is cracked. That is how Ellie is now. I’m not saying she’s a miserable broken wreck now– I’m saying she’s rough around the edges, she has a noticeable aura of fragmentation about her. Even if the grief lessens with time, she will be hardened by this pain. What she’s experienced has changed her and it’s a weight she’ll have to carry for the rest of her life. As the title suggest, she is the “last of us” regarding our journey throughout the game-- every emotion, every violent action, every loss and heartache-- Ellie is the bearer of it.

She places the guitar against the windowsill and leaves.

And you see that shot through the open window, Ellie leaving the house in the background, the guitar leaning against the windowsill in the foreground. I see that and I know, in one year the vines and weeds will start to take over the house like they do in all the abandoned houses. In two years the strings will rust and snap. In ten the guitar will become part of nature. Nature will come in through the window, and it will wrap itself around the guitar. The wood will crack and eventually it will disintegrate from the rain and wind.

The reason I think there’s an emblem of a moth on the guitar is because moths have very short lifespans (in their adult stage, they typically only live about one week). Because of the brevity of their life, and because they are night creatures, they are considered messengers of the unknown, or the “beyond.” Something not quite of this world, symbols of magic. But I think the more important part of the moth on the guitar is to show how brief Joel and Ellie’s time together was; how the lives of the characters in The Last of Us are often cut short, often without warning. In an even broader sense, life is brief, and time’s a thief, as the saying goes. The guitar in the last frame of the story was played for only a few years, and then, it has been left to the hands of time.

It’s here that we don’t really know what happens to Ellie: does she go in search of Dina? Does she go back to Jackson? Does she begin somewhere else, or will she live on her own for the rest of her days?

The uncertainty of her life from this point on leaves a bittersweet touch to the story. People move on, people leave. What is an old guitar weathered by the seasons, lost to time, was once a beautiful song shared between two people.

Joel, in saving her life, essentially gave her a chance at life. The rest is up to her.

[pupa-cinema]

Happy Go Lucky Heads – 金太の大冒険(The Adventures of Kinta) - Lyrics English Translation

Each of the final lyrics of each verse holds a double entendre, so I'll include those in parentheses under! Kintama means balls, while 金太Kinta is a common male name. Put any appropriate word that begins with ma after Kinta and voila, you have something that rings inappropriate!

ある日金太が歩いていると Once upon a time, Kinta was walking along when he bumped into 美しいお姫様が逃げてきた A beautiful princess who was running away 悪い人に　ネエ　今おわれているの I’m being chased, oh my, by some bad guys お願い　金太　守って Please, Kinta, protect me 金太　守って　金太　守って Kinta, protect me, Kinta, protect me 金太　守って Kinta, protect me

（金太　守って = 金玉持って: Hold his balls in your hand）

しかし金太はけんかが弱く However, Kinta was a weak fighter 友達とやっても　負けてしまう Even when he fought with friends he would lose 腕力に自信のない金太君 Oh poor Kinta-kun with no confidence in his strength けんかはいつも　負けが多い He is always losing fights 金太　負けが多い　金太　負けが多い Kinta is always losing fights, Kinta is always losing fights 金太　負けが多い Kinta is always losing fights

（金太　負けが多い = 金玉毛が多い : Balls with lots of hair）

やがて悪人がやってきた But still the bad guys came along 身の丈2メートルもある大男 A giant with a body 2 meters tall 金太と悪人の大決戦 An epic brawl between Kinta and the bad guy 金太　負けるなとお姫様 Kinta, don’t you lose, the princess cried out 金太　負けるな　金太　負けるな Kinta, don’t you lose, Kinta, don’t you lose 金太　負けるな Kinta, don’t you lose

（金太　負けるな = 金玉蹴るな : Don’t kick his balls）

悪人は金太におそいかかる The bad guy pounced at Kinta 金太は思わず　とびのいた Without second thought Kinta leaped away アー　そこにあったのは大きな木 Ahh, there lied a big tree そのまわりを金太はグルグルまわりだす Kinta spun and spun around it 金太　回った　金太　回った Kinta spun, Kinta spun 金太　回った Kinta spun

（金太　回った = 金玉割った : Slice his balls）

悪人はいつか目をまわし Before long the bad guy's eyes became dizzy そのすきにお姫様と逃げだした He used that chance to dash away with the princess お姫様の美しさに金太君 Before the beauty of the princess, Kinta-kun’s- 目をパチパチまたたいた Eyes were dazzling and twinkling 金太　またたいた　金太　またたいた Kinta was dazzled, Kinta was dazzled 金太　またたいた Kinta was dazzled

（金太　またたいた = 金玉叩いた : Punch his balls）

しばらくゆくと二人は After a while the two realized おなかのすいたのに気がついた That they were starving フト見るとマスカットの木がはえている They caught a glimpse of a muscat tree 金太はナイフで切ったとさ So Kinta sliced them up with a knife 金太　マスカット　ナイフで切る Kinta sliced up the muscats with his knife 金太　マスカット　ナイフで切る Kinta sliced up the muscats with his knife 金太　マスカット　ナイフで切る Kinta sliced up muscats with a knife

（金太　マスカット　ナイフで切る  =  金玉 スカッとナイフで切る: Slice and dice the balls

おなかのふくれた二人は With the two of their stomachs stuffed さらに安全なマカオに行くことにした They decided to go to the even more safe city of Macau 行けども行けども　マカオは見えず They walked on and on, but still Macau wasn't in sight お姫様はイライラして　金太に聞いた The princess grew impatient, and asked Kinta ネエー金太　まだ　ネエー金太　まだ Oh Kintaaa, are we there yet, Kinta are we there yet 金太　まだ Kinta, are we there yet

（金太　まだ = 金玉だ: It's balls）

そうしているうちにも二人は Onward and onward the two went やっとのことでマカオに着いた Until they finally arrived in Macau 金太とお姫様はマカオに着いた Kinta and the princess arrived at Macau やっとのことでマカオに着いた They finally arrived at Macau 金太　マカオに着く　金太　マカオに着く Kinta arrives at Macau, Kinta arrives at Macau 金太　マカオに着く Kinta arrives at Macau

（金太　マカオに着く＝金玉顔に付く: Balls on your face）

マカオに着いた金太君 Now that Kinta-kun has arrived in Macau 知り合いのビルをたずねたとさ He asked around for information on his acquaintance's residence お姫様はそのビルを見て言ったとさ The princess saw his residence and said まあ金太わりとましなビルね Oh my, Kinta, it’s such an upstanding building まあ　金太　ましなビル　金太　ましなビル Oh my, Kinta, it’s such an upstanding building 金太　ましなビル Kinta, it’s such an upstanding building

（金太　ましなビル = 金玉萎びる: Balls shriveled up）

中にはいると誰もいない Upon their entry they found no one 伝言板にただひとこと書いてある Only a message written on a board 神田さんから金太君へのことづけで From Kanda-san to Kinta-kun 「金太　待つ　神田」と書いてある It read “Kinta, I’m waiting for you, Kanda” 金太　待つ　神田　金太　待つ　神田 Kinta, I’m waiting for you, Kanda 金太　待つ　神田 Kinta, I’m waiting for you, Kanda

（金太　待つ　神田＝金玉掴んだ Grab his balls）

御存じ　金太の大冒険 So the story goes, the adventures of Kinta これから先はどうなるか What ever could be lying in store for him ahead またの機会をごひいきに We’ll save that for next time それでは皆さんさようなら For now it’s goodbye everyone

Footnotes: ●  This is actually a cover of Tsuboinorio(つボイノリオ)'s song! Long since called "A representative song of Japan" and "A comic song", it was released in 1975. A bold debut, as that same year was when it made waves with its catchy tune and cursed wordplay! So much so it was banned from radio stations.. And history has now repeated itself 50 years later: not only are fans afraid to play it on the radio, Omedetai themselves even appear to be struggling. Their posts read "Now that our song has been released, our record company has been doing their best to promote us yet, for some reason no media outlets have been willing to hear our say... If you're with the media, please contact us at kintama.sukomi@gmail.com." One day later... "We're still searching for any media outlets that would be willing to do a segment on our song, yet not one has even inquired us ><."

This email address looks.... I wonder what would happen if one were to send something...

●  The music video was directed by Fujii Ryou! Who on twitter said "This is a cover of that famous song. In this time and age. Of all things. I stirred up a horrible video." Then posted a picture of a phallic rocket ship with the caption "The creation process of my worst creation. To lessen the load on myself and the work required for the cool spaceship Kinta takes on his adventures, I had erected this stiff model from pure scratch. Bending toilet paper and ping pong balls to my will.” He even made a pun himself... 大金を投じて normally means to pour a lot of money into something, 大金 literally meaning ‘big gold’ but.. kintama in JP is also literally ‘gold orbs’...

●  https://twitter.com/omedeta_japan/status/1340960220063780864 As any word starting with "Ma", if followed after "Kinta", is wont to be heard as "Kintama", Omedetai have not let opportunities pass them by. They each made playlists dubbed "Kinta-my-list(Kintamairisuto)" (Mylist is the wasei-eigo word for playlist).

Sekihan's included Mariah Carey's famous Christmas song, among other western songs by artists who start with Ma. Each song with a sexual theme. 324's all western as well, but his themes are more emo, suiting his taste. Mito-juu and Mao's have a mix of J-pop and western, yet all songs are sure to have a title or artist who starts with Ma. While Poniki only has Aoi Usagihttps://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aoi_Usagi. As it's the theme song for 'Kinka of the stars'... Fans are invited to make a playlist of their own, and a chosen winner will win the title of "KintaMeistar"! A pun on the word ‘meistar’.

●  https://twitter.com/omedeta_japan/status/1340513940644610048 The members seen recording backup vocals. Shouting 'Kintama' for the sake of emboldening the brazen.

●  KintaMarathon In promotion of the song they hosted a campaign asking for people to listen to the song for a cumulative 42.195 hours, the same number of miles there is in a marathon. Screenshot and send in your playtime for a chance to win a signed Adventures of Kinta record.

●  https://lineblog.me/omedeta/archives/9435022.html Mito-juu blog post. "We took to this challenge with utmost solemnity. Before the song you see today took form, we had taken the song apart and put it back together countless times until we got it right. The recording phase was nothing to scoff at either. A single concept album. A story told on a single stage. It was truly a challenge to stuff it all into one single song. I think I drummed more than just one or two songs worth for this.

For the music video we managed to scout out the like-minded fellow named Fujii Ryuu. When he presented the drafts, then the blueprints, then the final piece to us... Each time I went "This is it!" as I was practically making a victory pose in my head. It's thanks to Fujii Ryuu that we were able to create something so amazing. I say that with confidence.

I hope those who listen to this song will smile and laugh. I hope those who watch this MV will smile and laugh. I hope it serves as something of a release from stress.

I'm going on a bit now but I do hope it may serve as a fortunate encounter for you. If so, then it was more than worth making.

I hope you can get a good laugh out of it, that would make me more than happy.

[gascon-en-exil]

But What If You Want to Come Out on Vers Bottom?: A “Coming Out on Top” Review (Part 2)

Part 1

The main substance of Coming Out on Top - and around 80% of its wank material - lies in its main story love interests, so each of them deserves a dedicated section for review and...erotic evaluation, if you will. It would be much too cluttered to try to cover all six in one post however, so this one will only include the first three with Part 3 to follow with the remainder. Note that I’ll be doing these in alphabetical order, except for the sixth who was added in an update and whose route comes with some mechanical differences that warrant leaving him for last. I wouldn’t want to seem biased, would I? But I’ll be ranking them from most to least favorite at the end anyway.

Also, if anyone is wondering why most of my screenshots are from dialogue scenes rather than CGs, it’s because there are remarkably few CGs in this game that are both interesting enough to include in a review and tame enough for Tumblr’s censorship standards.

Alex: Mark Makes the Grade (With His Ass)

And how fitting it is that I get to start with Alex, fresh off over a year of involvement in the fandom of Fire Emblem: Three Houses and all its exaggerated pearl-clutching over that game’s teacher/student relationships. That’s exactly what Alex’s romance with Mark is, begun under more innocuous circumstances wherein Alex judges Mark’s alcohol preferences (the uncultured barbarian favors whiskey, and has nothing to say if you have Mark order a glass of presumably passable cabernet) but then progressing rapidly to hot for teacher territory once Mark discovers that Alex is his anatomy professor. As expected a handful of jokes - and one sex scene, kind of - hinge upon Alex’s field of expertise, but compared to the other routes of CooT this one is remarkably tame. It’s the only one in which it’s impossible to have sex with the love interest during the game and still get his ending, and the story requires the player to thread a fine line between expressing attraction to the man and respecting his professional boundaries. Alex is nothing if not ethical, almost to a fault, and the game also doesn’t allow you to lose sight of how strange his connection with Mark is...allegedly, anyway. I personally don’t see much issue with it, when Mark is of age (this isn’t even the largest age gap of the main love interests) and about to graduate. Eh, I’ll chalk it up to a cultural difference and move on.

The plot of the route also pivots around the potential scandal to be found in some hot one-on-one anatomy lessons, as Mark finds himself embroiled in the cutthroat world of tenured professorships and overworked postgraduate toadies moonlighting as paparazzi. I guess I lucked out in my much more reasonable graduate advisors, but I think I would have taken well to snooping around in men’s locker rooms looking for hot gay action/blackmail material. With all that going on it’s little wonder that there’s no real sex to be had on the full route, and that the one potential steamy encounter Mark can have with Alex in the professor’s office swiftly ends the romance then and there. I suppose it’s worth noting that Alex is also the only primary love interest who will never bottom for Mark in any encounter the player gets to see, so props if you’re looking for a total top. He’ll give head though, so that’s nice.

That said however, I can’t help but feel as though CooT wants to have its cake and eat it too when it comes to the teacher/student fucking. Amidst everyone being reasonable and ethical about the situation Mark can have a dream in which Alex fingers him and gives him a prostate orgasm as a live demonstration during a lecture - unquestionably hitting some of those teacher crush buttons even as it comes with the easy out of being a dream sequence. I’ve also seen reactions to this route labeling it as an example of the type of lover/beloved relationship found in ancient Greek pederasty, in that Alex is lowkey masc4masc and that he and Mark bond over the ancient and manly sport of, er, racquetball (I don’t know, just go with it). You also have to keep Mark’s grades up to get Alex’s full ending, which is both entirely logical - Mark is trying to date his professor after all, even if he doesn’t fully get there until the semester is over and he’s ready to walk the stage - and an extension of the idealized pederastic relationship as an educational one for the beloved younger man. If you’re into that kind of thing, Alex’s route is among the better options in this game to find it.

There’s also this obscure random line, which triggers an unusual extra CG added in an update that might be pet play? It’s honestly hard to tell - and I say that as someone who likes pet play. Something you may notice in my review is that, while the five romances included in the game on initial release are all fairly mundane, the writers clearly felt more free to get weird in the later additions. 

Brad: Frat Boys Gone Wild Parts 2, 5, and 7

Do you like beefy jocks, and huge dicks, and harsh but realistic indictments of the unequal attention lavished upon athletics departments at most American universities? One of these things is not like the others, but thankfully the route knows where to place most of its priorities. This is the story that puts Mark to work in his job as a writing tutor, tasking him with saving a hunky frat boy from failing his composition class and losing his scholarship in the process. Much unlike my own time as an undergraduate writing tutor however Mark is required to make house calls, setting him on a collision course for Brad’s burgeoning homosexuality and almost getting his ass kicked by the other equally hunky - but tragically straight - members of the frat. Brad is indeed the only one of Mark’s love interests who struggles to any degree with his sexuality, but it’s a muted part of this storyline and only really comes up in one scene involving Brad’s overbearing older brother. Despite some heavier moments here and there CooT is still a lighthearted dating sim at its core, so don’t expect too much in the way of angst even for a character who under more realistic circumstances would likely have to keep his inclinations on the DL.

Where there is plenty of intensity though is in those tutoring sessions, because, well -

- Mark ends up with a serious case of blue balls from all the UST and frequent teasing of Brad’s behemoth cock. Disclaimer: despite years of professional phallus measurements, this reviewer is unable to determine if Brad’s endowment is measurably more impressive than those of the other love interests based on his CGs alone; all pronouncements to this effect may thus be taken as the hyperbole of a horny size queen.

An even bigger source of tension in this route is the cheating angle: during their first meeting Brad will attempt to pressure Mark into writing his paper for him, remarking that American football players at universities get this kind of preferential treatment all the time and that their grades are basically irrelevant. Mark can actually take him up on this offer, and end up quite a bit richer for it via a little bribery (a nice perk if you’re angling for Ian’s friendship ending). Doing so will make it impossible to obtain Brad’s good ending but will instead lead to an alternate storyline with its own set of CGs, culminating in some saucily unethical fellatio as Mark proves to Brad that he can provide just as many perks as the rival female tutor who’s been capturing the jock’s attention with blowjobs and amateur porn. Incidentally, while it very quickly ends the route I like that Mark has a dialogue option to offer those exact services to Brad in front of the other tutor. It’s almost as funny as the earlier option about rimjobs that also ends the route but results in a dream CG of the straight frat guys having their way with Mark. That’s like wish fulfillment Inception, or something.

But no, to finish this route properly you have to keep both Mark and Brad honest, and convince Brad to write his own essay with Mark’s help...and provide genuinely good help, so I hope you know the basics of how to structure an academic essay just kidding you can save scum through that stuff. Many heartwarming life lessons are learned through all-nighters, ruminations on long-term career prospects, and mutual masturbation, until at last the two of them succeed and celebrate their victory with full penetration. How exactly you prefer the penetration to go down isn’t the most intuitive set of dialogue options in the world, but bear in mind that on initial release the only possibility was Brad splitting Mark open with that ginger club swinging between his legs. As I brought up in Alex’s section, the later additions usually get rather freakier. In this case that means an extended dream sequence with football role play (which is a thing that exists, I guess?) followed by some actual sex, with Brad bottoming in both scenes and much loving detail lavished upon his meaty ass. It’s...clever, I suppose, but I think I prefer the original version. Maybe that’s just because I always thought American football uniforms looked ridiculous; where’s the sex appeal to be found with those ridiculous shoulder pads?

Ian: Oh My God They Were Roommates

Even years later I still don’t know for certain whether including Ian so casually with the other love interests counts as a minor spoiler. He’s introduced alongside Penny as Mark’s longtime roommate, and in that first scene it’s also established that he has an on-again, off-again girlfriend. I’m going to err on the side of it not being a spoiler however, because well before his route proper begins the game drops hints that there might be more to Ian than a goofy slacker best friend with appalling personal hygiene. His route progresses as might reasonably be expected from Mark’s coming out, with Ian as the fantasy gay-friendly straight guy who turns out to be not quite as straight as initially advertised. 

There’s just one very large problem with that and it’s not the size of his dick. Because Ian is first and foremost Mark’s roommate he has the privilege of appearing as a supporting character in routes other than his own, and in fact there are CGs featuring him in some of those routes. This results in Ian receiving the most overall development of any of the love interests, ranging from the oddball humor that he injects into situations all over the story to his raging and, er, adventurous libido leading to all manner of masturbatory mishaps for Mark to, most jarringly, poorly-disguised jealousy over the other love interests should Mark choose to pursue them. One would expect this to result in a fantastically fleshed-out character and an excellent foundation for a route of his own that builds off Ian’s simple charm and manic energy to craft an excellent best friend romance.

Yet...it kind of doesn’t? It took me until my most recent playthrough to appreciate this properly, but more than any of the others Ian’s route is written as the most conventionally romantic. It incorporates a host of romcom staples - UST, misunderstandings, miscommunication, more than one romantic false lead, a wedding at the end, mood lighting for its softcore bondage scene - and while most of the other routes include one or two of those elements as well this is undoubtedly the only one that ever comes close to feeling cheesy or maudlin. Unfortunately however that kind of writing just doesn’t play well with Ian’s over-the-top comic relief antics, and so for most of the latter part of his own route he comes off as oddly bland. The writing mines some jokes out of his growing jealousy of the other men Mark expresses interest in dating, and it offers Mark a devastating early sex scene bad ending opportunity in the form of Ian coming onto Mark while drunk and forcing the player to choose between a rimjob now or double oral and/or flip-fucking later. Sure, that setup and some of what comes before it plays right into who Ian is as a character - a well-meaning idiot with a lot of insecurity surrounding his relationship to Mark - but after that point whether you take the rimjob or not Ian practically fades into the role of generic romantic lead as Mark must work to repair their friendship and then guide it into uncharted territory.

To illustrate the point I’m trying to make, contrast these two CGs. The first is from Ian’s friendship ending (something only he and Penny get, based on spending time with them on weekends among other factors); the second is from his romantic ending.

Which of these images tells you more about Ian’s characterization, or about his dynamic with Mark?

I’m not going to deny that Ian has sex appeal, or that he doesn’t have a slew of genuinely funny lines all over the game’s script, or that there’s nothing satisfying in watching Mark and his best friend fall in love with each other - but it’s the lack of integration between Ian the comic relief roommate and Ian the love interest that doesn’t sit well with me. When I was reviewing Chess of Blades I name-dropped Ian in comparison to that game’s own best friend love interest Arden. I’ll do the reverse here: Ian may be sweet and a ton of fun, and there may be far more options for which pegs go into which slots in this storyline, but Arden’s character and story stick in my mind more because they’re never at odds with one another. Ian in the earlygame and outside his own route is so goofy that it’s very hard to take him seriously as someone who could be a romantic partner for Mark, and unfortunately that comes across all too well when the occasion finally arises.

[bookwormscififan]

Return

Buy me a coffee?

Read on AO3!

For @the-bentley-is-on-fucking-fire​

A/N: inspired by the comment left on my vent post last night, which I took a screenshot of and immediately wrote. (I’ll provide the screenshot below) I added some little Easter eggs, and found opening notes bc I want to play it on violin. If you find them, let me know. Also, thank you getting me finally to write this idea of Virgil’s reaction to the MCR return that I had been sitting on for months!

Word count: 950 words

Warnings: none that I can think of, let me know if there are any

Characters: all of them except Janus

There really wasn’t anything that made Virgil freeze in fear… or any emotion, really. He was the Side that ignored everyone, sneered at everything, and scowled at everyone.

So, on the day when a specific tweet blew up a small community on Twitter, Remus decided it was time to prank the little emo.

 “RETURN”. The word written on the image that had been posted with the tour tweet at the end of October. Of all the Sides, Virgil had been thought to be the one who would wake everyone up with his joy.

But he had stayed silent. His phone was constantly set to ‘Do Not Disturb’, so he probably didn’t even see the notification. He had tried to move on from the break up tweet, just like everyone else.

 Remus stood in the Imagination, sly smirk on his face. A large piano was set up, theoretically in the same place Virgil would stand if he was in the common area.

Thomas was talking to the others, probably about a dilemma he was having. The Duke decided this was the best time to strike.

He placed a manicured finger on a specific key and gently applied pressure to the ivory plate.

 In the common room, Virgil was making a rather victorious argument when he suddenly froze. Eyes wide, he closed his mouth and stood, not unlike a meerkat, in his place.

“Virgil?” Logan leaned forward, looking at his frozen neighbour. The anxious side was standing like a statue, ears pricked, listening to something.

“Hey, Jack Smellington.” Roman attempted to get Virgil’s attention, but to no avail.

Slowly the room descended into silence, the argument forgotten as everyone strained to hear whatever it was that Virgil was hearing.

 “G… F B E… D G C… B E A… D…” Remus murmured to himself, fingers skirting over the notes as he spoke them. His smirk broadened as he heard silence from above.

Trust the most popular song to have this effect, he thought to himself, still managing somehow to keep track of the notes.

 “Kiddo, are you ok?” Patton’s concerned voice brought Virgil out of his reverie. He shook his head, trying to push the music out of his head.

“Huh?” The others visibly relaxed, concern leaving their bodies.

“You appeared to ‘zone out’,” Logan stated, adjusting his glasses and peering at a vocab card.

“You were way off in La La Land,” the prince added helpfully.

“Oh. Uh, yeah, I heard something. It sent me for a loop,” the anxious side said, feigning nonchalance.

“Must have been something really huge,” Thomas commented, folding his arms across his chest.

“It was… can I go?” Virgil stuck his hands in his pockets, fidgeting slightly. Thomas sighed, but nodded.

“Yeah, I can solve this.” Virgil managed a small smile in gratitude, then sank out.

 In his room, he dug through stacks of rubbish until he found what he was looking for. Pulling out a CD, he raced to his laptop and put it in.

The notes were the same. Someone had been playing the introduction to ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’. Which could only mean one thing…

 “Remus, they split up. There is no way they’ll get back. It’s just logical.” Virgil stuck his hands deep into the pockets of his all-black hoodie, then brushed past the heartbroken Dark Side.

“But, Virgil, Gerard wanted the band to follow the path of the Smashing Pumpkins! They’ll be back!” Remus tried to get the anxious side to listen to him, but Virgil had already slipped his headphones over his ears and was blaring music.

He turned before walking into his room, pulling his headphones down and sighing.

“Look, if they do come back, I want you to give me a sign. Play me something that will tell me.” With that, he walked into his room and closed the door.

 Virgil stared at the Twitter page for My Chemical Romance. He needed confirmation. He opened Tumblr, and checked the tags.

There, in the number 1 spot of the trending page: #my chemical romance.

“Remus was right…” he mumbled, before standing up and turning his music to a higher volume.

“THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER!”

“Virgil?” The anxious side froze, then turned his music down and looked in the direction of the voice.

Patton stood in front of the spider curtains, head tilted to the side.

“Who got back together?” Virgil tried, he really tried, but his emotions got the better of him.

“My Chemical Romance got back together!” his voice echoed through the place, and Virgil reddened slightly.

“So that’s why you froze. Who told you?” Patton’s smile was spreading across his face, clearly happy for Virgil.

Virgil sat on the step and shrugged.

“I told Remus to give me a sign when he found out they got back.” He glowered at the floor.

“The rat G-noted me.”

Patton moved closer, but not too close.

“Thomas solved his dilemma. Your reasoning worked. And we shouldn’t call Remus a rat. He is stinky, but that doesn’t make him a rat. Think of Remy in Ratatouille.” Virgil didn’t hold back a smile this time.

“I’m happy Thomas solved his problem. Remus would probably appreciate the name.” Patton moved closer, sitting on the floor opposite Virgil. He motioned to the laptop, which was still playing MCR albums.

“Can I listen to the songs with you?”

Virgil nodded hesitantly.

“You might not like some of them, though.” Patton grinned.

“If they make you happy, I’ll listen to them.” The anxious side returned the smile, then pulled the laptop close.

“We’ll start from the beginning. Their first album, ‘I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought My Your Love’.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Sort of.”

[boyneriver-fraser]

You enjoy the singing, @boyneriver-fraser? 🤔 Roger that. I got the music in me. 😉

I really enjoy listening to Roger sing and play the guitar. I thought it would be fun (😝) to collect his music-to-date in one place. Who knows? If Show-Outlander sticks to Book-Outlander, this post could become a collector’s item. 😬 We’ve got gifs! We’ve got YouTube and Tumblrer videos! We’ve got lyrics! We’ve got song credits! What’s not to collect? 😃 Don’t think I can’t hear you, me ol’ pals among People Of Earth who care neither for Roger nor his music. You’re rolling your eyes so loudly, Keziah Beardsley could hear it.😂 Who knows? Roger might favour us with some more tunes ⚠️ Spoiler Alert ⚠️ before he hangs. I could create a follow-up post! 🎉

Roger’s rat satire S2E13 Dragonfly In Amber (Jennifer Yale, screenwriter, 2016)

🎶 📹 https://youtu.be/KYDK2oDlX5o (lyrics under the cut)

The Devil In The Kitchen S4E3 The False Bride (William Ross, composer, 1880s)

🎶 📹 https://thewanderingace.tumblr.com/post/180327351436/rogers-set-at-the-scottish-festival

I Once Loved A Lass S4E3 The False Bride (Traditional folk song)

🎶 📹 https://youtu.be/IUqTljdrLNM (lyrics under the cut)

L-O-V-E S5E1 The Fiery Cross (Lyrics by Milt Gabler, Music by Bert Kaempfert, 1962)

🎶 📹 https://youtu.be/c6vRmWzlGGI (lyrics under cut)

Joy To The World (Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog) S5E1 The Fiery Cross (Lyrics & Music by Hoyt Axton, 1970)

🎶 📹 https://youtu.be/b6XPKDOkt4Y (lyrics under cut)

Abide With Me S5E2 Between Two Fires (Lyrics by Henry Francis Lyte, 1847, Music by William Henry Monk, 1861)

🎶 📹 https://thewanderingace.tumblr.com/post/611092259988979712/roger-singing-the-hymn-abide-with-me-outlander (lyrics under cut)

Roger’s rat satire S2E13 Dragonfly In Amber (Jennifer Yale, screenwriter)

Ye rats ye are too many

If ye would dine aplenty

Ye must go, ye must go

Go and fill your bellies

Dinna stay and gnaw my wellies.

Go, ye rats, go

I Once Loved A Lass S4E3 The False Bride (Traditional folk song)

I once loved a lass

I loved her sae weel

I hated all others who spoke of her ill

But now she's rewarded me well for my love

For she's gone to be wed to another

I saw my love to the church go

With bridesgroom and bridesmaidens they made a fine show

And I followed on with my heart full of woe

She was gone to be wed to another

I saw my love sit down to dine

As I sat down beside her I poured out the wine

I drank to the lassie that should have been mine

Even though she'd been wed to another

The men o' the forest

They ask it o' me

How many strawberries grow in the south sea?

I answer them a' with a tear in my ee'

How many ships sail in the forest

Dig me a grave

Dig it sae deep

And cover me over wi' flo'ers sae sweet

And I will lay down and tak' a long sleep

And maybe in time I'll forget her

L-O-V-E S5E1 The Fiery Cross (Lyrics by Milt Gabler, Music by Bert Kaempfert, 1962)

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one I see

V is very, very extraordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love is all that I can give to you

Love is more than just a game for two

Two in love can make it

Take my heart and please don't break it

Love was made for me and you

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one I see

V is very, very extraordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love is all that I can give to you

Love is more than just a game for two

Two in love can make it

Take my heart and please don't break it

Love was made for me and you

Love was made for me and you

Love was made for me and you

Joy To The World (Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog) S5E1 The Fiery Cross (Lyrics & Music by Hoyt Axton, 1970)

Jeremiah was a bull frog

Was a good friend of mine

I never understood a single word he said

But I helped him drink his wine

And he always had some mighty fine wine

Singin'

Joy to the world

All the boys and girls, now

Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea

Joy to you and me

If I were the king of the world

Tell you what I'd do

I'd throw away the cars and the bars and the wars

Make sweet love to you

Singin' now

Joy to the world

All the boys and girls

Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea

Joy to you and me

You know I love the ladies

Love to have my fun

I'm a high night flier and a rainbow rider

A straight-shootin' son of a gun

I said a straight shootin' son of a gun

Joy to the world

All the boys and girls

Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea 

Joy to you and me

Joy to the world

All the boys and girls

Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea

Joy to you and me

Joy to the world

All the boys and girls

Joy to the world

Joy to you and me

Joy to the world

All the boys and girls, now

Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea

Joy to you and me

Joy to the world

All the boys and girls

Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea

Joy to you and me

Abide With Me S5E2 Between Two Fires (Lyrics by Henry Francis Lyte, 1847, Music by William Henry Monk, 1861)

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;

The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.

When other helpers fail and comforts flee,

Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;

Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;

Change and decay in all around I see;

O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word,

But as Thou dwell'st with Thy disciples, Lord,

Familiar, condescending, patient, free.

Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Come not in terror, as the King of kings,

But kind and good, with healing in Thy wings;

Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea.

Come, Friend of sinners, thus abide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile,

And though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,

Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee.

On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.

What but Thy grace can foil the tempter's power?

Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?

Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;

Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.

Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?

I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;

Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.

Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;

In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

__________

March 2, 2020

Gifs: @thewanderingace​ (L-O-V-E x 2), @outlassed​ (Rat satire), @thebookboyfriendharem (I Once Loved A Lass) Screenshots: @boyneriver-fraser​ from @thewanderingace​ (The Devil In The Kitchen, Joy To The World, Abide With Me)

#Outlander #Roger Mac: Greatest Hits Volume 1 #Because People Of Earth are demanding Volume 2 #Roger’s rat satire #The Devil In The Kitchen #I Once Loved A Lass #L-O-V-E #Joy To The World (Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog) #Abide With Me #DIA #S2E13 Dragonfly In Amber #Drums Of Autumn #S4E3 The False Bride #TFC #S5E1 The Fiery Cross #S5E2 Between Two Fires #Brianna MacKenzie #Roger MacKenzie #Jemmy MacKenzie #192 #030220

[precuredaily]

Precure Day 184

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 36 - “Go for the Goal! Marathon Race” Date watched: 13 May 2020 Original air date: 14 October 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/hrE6zQT Transformation Gallery: https://imgur.com/a/6k6SzS0 Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

Gamabunta is that you?

This show has been on a pretty good run lately. We had the vacation arc, haunted school, our festival fun, a day in the life of Urara, some romantic developments, Rin entering the wedding industry, and Karen as a knight. The defeats of Girinma and Arachnea were both suitably epic and inspiring. Well forget all that because it’s a Gamao episode and in true Gamao form, he ruins any goodwill we may have had for him. He can’t even do a last chance black mask monster transformation episode well. Let’s take a look.

The Plot

Cinq Lumieres Academy is having an all-grade level 4 kilometer race, and Nozomi is trying to get out of participating, but Rin keeps insisting she practice. Rin doesn’t have a lot of time TO practice with Nozomi, between her responsibilities to the Futsal Club and having to tend to the family store. More on this later, because it’s time to flimsily set up Nightmare’s scheme this episode.

Gamao is sitting on a bench when he’s approached by Kawarino. Gamao begs the senior executive for a management position at Nightmare but Kawarino remarks that his accomplishments so far amount to nothing. He says maybe he could change his mind if he were to obtain the Dream Collet, and considers giving Gamao the black paper, but decides not to before he disappears. However, Gamao discovers that Girinma "accidentally” left it behind for him, and is convinced he’ll be able to get into upper management. As he runs off to enact his plan, Kawrino reappears and snidely remarks to himself that he doesn’t have much faith in the frog.

We return to Nozomi and Rin’s running practice A few key shots of Rin show that she’s extremely tired but pressing on, because she really wants to repeat her first place title from last year. Karen notices this and decides that they should all join in the practice, so the next day when they run the practice course, all five girls and even Coco and Nuts are present. They begin to climb to a hill that could rival anything in San Francisco, and Nozomi starts to give up, but as she stops to encourage her friend, Rin succumbs to fatigue and collapses.

Everyone gets Rin back to Natts House and when she’s feeling better, she opens up to Nozomi, saying she wanted to do for Nozomi what Nozomi did for her when they were in elementary school. We flash back to a time in their youth when the school had a race, and Rin was the favorite to win, but she tripped and fell and almost gave up running entirely until Nozomi caught up to her and encouraged her to finish the race together. Nozomi promises to do her best in the race for Rin’s sake.

It’s important to note that the route for this race leaves the Cinq Lumieres campus and gets into the town (which I am realizing has never been named). There are signs along the route that point the way, and Gamao has taken a position as a sign holder at a junction. When he sees the Precures coming, he turns the sign to divert them off the route away from the other students, and when he has them all gathered in a dead end forest, he turns the ground into a beyblade arena crater and makes his presence known. When they naturally refuse to hand over the Dream Collet, he transforms and so do they. He tries to mow them over like Tasmanian Devil, zooming around the pit like fat beyblade.

I’m not kidding that’s his plan

The Precures are understandably tired as they’ve been running, but after he mocks them for running for no reason, Dream gets riled up and retorts that trying hard at something isn’t pointless at all, and then they all kick his ass. He pulls out his black paper, but clearly he wasn’t aware of the side effects when it latches onto his face and turns him giant. Now a giant, mindless toad monster, he leaps into the air and comes crashing down on Lemonade, Mint, and Aqua. He smooshes Rouge as well, and then tries to attack the fairies, who are watching from the edge of the pit.

Dream manages to catch his tongue before he can hurt them, and the other Cures emerge, one beneath each foot, lifting him up and throwing him into the wall. With Milk’s help, they summon the Symphony Set and perform Precure Five Explosion, finishing Gamao off once and for all. He will not be missed.

They make their way back to the race route and realize as they turn back into the school grounds that they’re in last place, ruining Rin’s chances at a repeat victory. However, she’s happy enough that she gets to finish together with her friends, just like she did all those years ago. Nozomi declares a race to the finish and sprints across the finish line ahead of everyone else as the episode closes out.

The Analysis

As you may have gathered from my introduction, I don’t have a very high opinion on this episode. Sure, it has some nice character beats, but it doesn’t introduce anything new or build on any facets we haven’t seen before, except to give us another reason why Nozomi and Rin are close friends. It’s not offensively bad or anything, I don’t think there’s any episodes that I outright hate in this franchise, but it’s bottom tier for this show. There’s very little narrative payoff to Rin’s plot in the episode. She overworked herself to the point of collapsing to motivate Nozomi, and ultimately Nozomi did internalize the importance of the race from Rin’s perspective, which she repeated during the battle. It’s nice but I’ve grown to expect more meaningful declarations during these pivotal villain defeat episodes than “I helped her as a kid and she wants to help me now.” The whole point of Five Explosion is a manifestation that they’re stronger together than apart, but this episode isn’t about the full team’s unity, so it falls flat. If it hadn’t been Gamao’s send-off I might have liked it a smidge better, or if it had been Hadenya attacking instead, or even Bunbee, then it may have made sense.

Moving over to Gamao, for a black mask final battle, this fell far short of what Girinma and Arachnea put the girls through. He didn’t seem any more threatening than a strong Kowaina, he only really got in one attack on the girls as a monster before they took him down with Five Explosion. He had a pretty cool effect of being so massive and fast that he generated really fast air currents but they didn’t do any damage to anyone. This battle is a ton of wasted potential. The best part of the fight was actually before he used the black mask. Spinning around the arena like he did was clever, and it worked better than just about anything else he’s ever done. Gamao’s shortfalling is that he’s lazy and shortsighted, he wants to take the easy way out, his plans amount to simply beating the girls up and that’s it. Compare this to Bloody from the previous episode, who nearly talked Nuts into just handing it over, and well, Gamao comes out of this unfavorably. About the only good thing I can say about him is that his black mask form looks really cool, and it’s huger than any we’ve seen so far. I really wish they’d used it more. If they’d swapped him out with Girinma in episodes 23-24 I would have liked that a lot more, it would give Gamao a better sendoff and it feels more appropriate that the weakest villain is the first to go. Alas.

Lastly, the art quality in this episode is in the toilet and that might be the biggest factor in making it seem underwhelming. The characters appear grossly deformed and oddly proportioned a lot.

Even when they’re kicking Gamao’s ass in the fight, which is a series of dynamic still frames, the quality is poor. There’s a shot when Coco and Nuts step in to announce that they’ll be running with the girls, and their models just bounce into the frame like they leaped into the air and landed, rather than stepping. It was bad and kind of hilarious by the same token.

This episode feels like an afterthought on both the writing and animation standpoint. The last few have been so-so in visual quality and if you’ve been following along, you know that’s normal for this point in the show, and of course it’s nowhere near as bad as Max Heart could get, but this is an episode that should have had weight to it, and to see it squandered like this makes me sad.

On the upside I will say I enjoy the little back and forth between Nozomi and Milk, ever butting heads. Milk tells Nozomi that they can all do their best in the practice run, while sitting comfortably in Nuts’s bag being kind of a slouch herself. It was amusing.

Speaking of slouches, Coco probably should go for more runs, because next episode he’s putting on some weight after eating a diet of nothing but cream puffs. Look forward to more on that!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 0 Kettei!

P.S. dear Pretty Cure Splash Subs: your meme subs are not funny.

[love-it-or-its-free]

@dyke-diva

[edited to update pastebin and make links clickable.]

First, just some more context about me: I am a 33 yr old lesbian, butch (in a nerd way) and quite androgynous/GNC.

Until a year or two ago, I was an ardent supporter of trans activism, as it went part and parcel with being a member of the LGBT "Community".

Literally, asking this same question to myself was a turning point for me. I knew I was supposed to hate and denounce anything TERF-related.... but one day I realized, I didn't know exactly what TERFs had supposedly done, that would warrant such seething hatred against them.

Like I said, I comprehend hating Nazis, because I have seen evidence of the unforgivable brutality of the Nazi regime and its supporters. I've taken history classes, read books and original sources, and watched documentaries about it.

Basically, I have seen enough evidence to understand the scope of Nazi evil, so it makes sense to me why some people go around saying "punch nazis." Personally, I'm not the type to punch anybody... and I question whether punching actually fixes the underlying evil... but based on what I know, I totally understand why nazis are so hated.

But why are terfs so viscerally hated that they are directly compared with a mass-genocidal regime? I want to know the truth. If the evidence is out there, I want to see it, to keep my views updated and accurate.

Now on to your response.

I do not believe that you should debate hate groups. I think that doing so will only help spread their hate and

I don't really believe in debating hate groups, either. But I also believe that having a closed mind is a victory for authoritarians of all stripes. I have no problem engaging with people who disagree with me, because I generally believe in having "strong opinions, weakly held" -- I am firm in my beliefs, but my mind is open to evaluating new evidence. If I deem the new evidence convincing enough, I may change my mind or update my views. I value intellectual rigor, so I want to keep my views accurate and up-to-date.

I am severely distressed about the number of terfs in wlw spaces and think that something should be done about it, it has gotten to the point where if it is not stated directly that they do not support transmisogyny that I will often feel paranoid about being in the space.

Honestly, I would love if you could PM me about these "wlw spaces" that are supposedly crawling with terfs. I feel like I'm reading this from a bizarro mirror dimension, thinking... WHAT wlw spaces? Is there really anything like this, outside of a handful of unpopular tumblr tags and a couple of small subreddits?

The only spaces I know of, especially IRL, are bending over backwards to be so "q***r friendly" that actual lesbians are being pushed out. One local activist in my city, started a public speech by claiming, "terfs are lesbians who..." and went on to drag lesbians for not being inclusive enough. Why only lesbians, I wondered??

Singling out and pressuring lesbians that way is not okay, in my opinion. Lesbians deserve to have spaces for lesbian (natal) women only. Lesbians are allowed to be repulsed by penises. None of that is hateful! Lesbians should not be pressured to sleep with anyone they aren't interested in. Unfortunately, I see that happening a lot these days. The "wlw spaces" I know of, offline and online, increasingly pressure lesbians in this way. Not cool.

Now, I can handle those pressures... but I'm really worried about younger lesbians. Being a lesbian is hard enough as it is! We have a right to exist, and to express our sexuality without added pressures.

and finally reason three, trans people who are afab have been seen to dismiss terfs actions and beliefs purely because terfs do not actively threaten their existence like they do amab trans people.

I'm not sure if I follow this part... it seems like you're saying that some FTMs ("trans people who are afab") do not feel threatened by so-called terfs, because the perception is that terfs are more threatening to "amab trans people"? Sorry if I misunderstood, but I would be interested to learn more about this phenomenon either way.

The person who sent this ask had lots of “Terf Safe” tagged posts on their blog and in their likes (though it seems their likes are now private), so I had blocked them, on the post that I made on my @la-joueuse-ultime blog that I quoted above they had asked why Terfs and Nazi’s are being compared, saying “I know about the reasons Nazis are bad, we can study history to see that evidence. But where is the evidence that terfs are comparably bad?” I had responded “@love-it-or-its-free it’s not that their comparably as bad, it’s that they’re bad. They are a hate group that has killed trans people and because of that they shouldn’t get a voice to spread their hate.” I then told them I planned to block them, I had done so and then they sent this ask.

Well, just to be clear, you were the first to interact with my post. It appears that you went looking in terf-friendly tags, found my post, and decided to interact with it. I'm happy to clarify the details of this, but I think your wording makes it sound like I sought you out, when it was actually the other way around. I posted mild terf-friendly content, you directly compared terfs to nazis. I think that's extreme.

I guess it's a good thing I hid my likes, too, because it sounds like you were ready to trawl for "punishable" content. I mean... who among us has not accidentally tapped the heart while on mobile or something? I hope you aren't really intending to police liked content like that.

Now to the actual ask, I believe the reason you can’t find Terfs that have killed trans people is that, well, you’re literally not looking,

I am quick to google anything that pops into my head, so rest assured, I would not pose this question to a tumblr rando unless I had actually attempted to answer it for myself. I'm asking to try and gather more info/evidence on top of what I have seen already.

or you think that they needed to have direct (by direct I mean they physically took part in) killing the trans person. You don’t need to be holding a knife to take part in someone’s death, you can encourage violence against the minority, you can bully and harass them until they take their own life, or you can fight against medical procedures that some of these people need to live. Terfs have done all of these.

Right... but I specifically asked how you can directly compare terfs to nazis. I agree that bullying, etc. is wrong. But I am asking for the evidence you used to make the direct comparison. You are shifting the goal posts here. I'm okay with that shift if you are... because I'm happy to provide evidence of trans activists doing things like sending death threats to terfs (or any woman who is deemed to have "terfy" views) which seems directly comparable to what you are claiming here.

It took a second search to find Terfs encouraging violence against trans women.

I found similarly scant search results... but like I said, I'm willing to evaluate new evidence when I see it.

This post on Reddit (I recommend being careful, tw for violence) is of a screenshot of a Terf stating that “It is a shame that people cannot do this in America” the post contained a picture of a man seemingly attacking a trans-woman for using the bathroom where she was most comfortable to do so. The posts were made on Spinster, a “woman-centric” social media platform that was made by M.K. Fain, a known terf.

So... I'm honestly surprised you would link to that particular subreddit as evidence of anything. But I'll charitably ignore the source for now. What I see, as far as content, is a screenshot of an anon comment on a website. You claim that the comment must be from a terf. Why? 1) screenshots can be photoshopped. 2) Anyone can sign up for an account on sites like that.

Sorry, but this isn't convincing evidence to me. Even if it's real, it's not a death threat, it's not an incitement to violence. It could be "real" in the sense that some troll signed up to the Spinster site just to troll "as a terf". It's just a shitty anon comment. Of course I object to the sentiment behind it (see anti-violence disclaimer to follow)... but I don't believe it stands up as evidence to support your claims.

(aside: I don't want to make this post any longer than it is, but I noticed some not-very-nice comments from that link and collected them in a pastebin here )

Finally, I researched the actual murder case in question. All eight people arrested in connection with the homicide are men... not terfs.

(I'll include this disclaimer here, though I'm bummed out that I feel the need to be pre-emptive/defensive about it:

I am anti-violence. I condemn violence of all kinds. (See above: I'm a softy, not the punching type) I especially condemn murder and homicide, and I do not endorse eye-for-an-eye justice. I want less pain and hatred in the world, for everybody, even folks who disagree with me.

I believe "the Golden Rule" is called Golden for a reason... it's Key! end disclaimer.)

Not only that but I found many articles directly denying violence against trans people, that I won’t link because they were made by terfs for terfs and I do not want to give them a platform. By denying the violence trans people face you are encouraging it, telling the people who enact the violence that they won’t be punished for it.

Yes, "denying violence" sounds like a bad or at least ignorant thing to do. But how is it remotely equivalent to committing violent acts? Unfortunately, if I can't see the evidence, I can neither refute nor accept it.

Trans people have a shockingly high suicide rate, there is no denying it. This article talks about a Terf that targeted a suicidal trans woman to harass, as well as provides a link to an article about Cathy Brennan, one of many who try to directly prevent trans people from seeking medical help.

I read this, but I couldn't figure out the series of events it's describing. I looked around on my own, and found that it seems to be a response to an ongoing feud between Dana Taylor (author of the piece) and at least one other person. For instance, I found multiple blog posts from the "other side" which described Dana Taylor's participation in harrassment and doxxing campagins. Here's one person on twitter, describing their experience with being targeted:

I just googled myself and found this from 5 years ago which said I was going to be watched. I don't think they watched me.

source thread

That's just one example I found. There were many similar tweets and comments about doxxing involving the author of the link you gave. So I'm open to reading more about these incidents, if you have more links. If something bad happened, I would like to understand better. But right now, this at best looks like just one side of a multi-sided internet slapfight.

If you just listened to trans people you would hear story after story of them being attacked by terfs if you just paid more attention you would see them encouraging violence against trans people, and if you just cared a tiny bit more, you’d realize that trans people are human too.

I am listening, or at least I'm trying to listen by asking good-faith questions while trying not to be attacked for it. Are you doing the same, keeping an ear out for stories of terfs being attacked, and listening to their stories?

How would it make you feel if I said, "if you just cared a tiny bit more, you'd realize that terfs are human too." ?

Anyway, that’s the post thank you for being patient.

Same here. I want you to know that I truly appreciate your thorough reply and the time you spent on it.

[secretshinigami]

Masterlist of Spring Roulette 2020

Thank you everyone for giving this a go. It was a fun round and all gifts are now posted. We will return to our regular method of matching in our next exchange and we look forward to your participation.

Here is a compiled list of everyone’s prompts from this round – thank you for letting us post them, and we hope you guys enjoy them! If you use a prompt, please let us know and we’ll reblog your piece!

Prompts are organized by their submitter, so feel free to ctrl+f to find character-specific prompts.

theallknowingowlagain

Girls’ night with Sachiko and Sayu

Five times Beyond Birthday lost to A, and one time he came out on top

Office AU

A date with Naomi and Raye

What L sees in the dark

L as an actual frog, Light as whatever animal you prefer

hazblogs

Naomi Misora and BB have a fun time looking for clues for the LABB murders, with cheeky banter and Naomi getting a little attached to Beyond

L wins AU, where Light never recovers his memories, but Misa did (following canon). explore how L, knowing that Light is Kira but being unable to either prove it without making Light a criminal, deals with the whole "Light is Kira but he doesn't remember it" situation

Mello is a witch and Near is a vampire he's been hunting for a long time - maybe to discover that he was chasing the wrong target all along

Mello and Near hugging, if possible in casual clothes

Light's mind-shelter, the place in his head he retreats to when the pressure of being Kira becomes too much and he starts to doubt (extremely early in the manga or post L's death)

Naomi Misora and L wearing traditional japanese yukatas at a summer festival

missmomentss

Beyond Birthday going a blind date with A

L meeting Beyond Birthday for the first time

Misa and L have a sleepover party

A switched roles with Beyond Birthday

Sayu is Kira

Mello meeting Beyond Birthday in prison

almostsane-things

DN cast goes to college together, has some unfortunate roommate matches, hijinx ensue

The Kira case from Sayu or Sachiko's POV 

AU where Soichiro actually dies from the heart attack he had in the first arc and Light is accused of murdering his dad.

Lowlightprimed AU: The fight between B and L at Wammy's house at the end of the first arc (BBAL) 

Lidner and Misora go on an undercover mission on Halloween

Near in harajuku fashion(s), creatively dyed hair is a plus

Beyond Birthday dressed as Winnie the Pooh and eating jam out of a honey-pot.

Mourning the death of various DN characters (Who gets large crowds? Who gets one or two heartfelt mourners? Who gets mourned by no one at all?)  

Fake dating sim screenshot featuring character of your choice   

beyondplusultra

Wammy House-era Near, Mello, and Matt trying to give L something for Valentine's Day.

The origin of the "Dear Mello" photograph.

Mikami being catfished by Beyond Birthday.

Anything involving Mello, Matt, and Near hanging out (as friends, romantically, or with one of them third-wheeling is fine).

Sayu giving Light his obligatory Valentine's chocolate at his grave.

Light surrounded by chibi versions of the other Kiras, who are clambering over one another to try and be the first to give him their chocolate.

jeepersjeevas

(Anyone!) Person A comes home during a blizzard covered in snow and all grumpy. Person B warms them up with their pj’s and cuddles

Matt/Mello: They get into a heated argument over something trivial in canon. They say some pretty harsh stuff to each other, but make up later

Wammy’s Kids: In which they all sneak out one night to go to the drug store. Upon discovering they’ve forgotten their money they decide to shoplift, using B as their distraction.

B and Matt as best friends post-timeskip

L hardcore crushing on Misa, and she lowkey liking him back (canon)

Makeshift boyband in someone’s garage. Löded Diper vibes. B’s lead singer

jeevas-exe

mello & matt but they have magical powers au 

fem!light and takada but one of them borrows a book and doesn't return it so they have to find each other au

canon-compliant character study on sayu, post-canon (when Light dies); pre-canon L first getting into the kira case

au where Light and L become accidental roommates because SOMEONE forgot to pay rent 

canon-compliant Mello and Matt find each other between the explosion and the ending

Light and L in some ugly fashion, like dads-on-vacation-in-Florida fashion

Naomi Misora with lots of tattoos!

Rem and Ryuk in human form, with some punk fashion

complicatedmerary

Light and Sayu bake a cake for a birthday surprise party for either parent (Soichiro or Sachiko) of your choice. A lot of family silliness and sibling bickering.

Light and Misa's first official romantic date was a disaster. While it does not shake Misa's devotion, her feelings are hurt.

Death Note is a reality TV show. Yes, there's still a Kira to be caught, but cameras are now involved! The more dramatic, the better!

Mikami and Takada walking side by side out in the winter.

L meeting Wedy and Aiber for the first time.

Demegawa being pampered like the king he believes he is.

babelfell

Reverse!Noel AU (Noel by TzviaAriella): Light won, and threw Near in the cage meant for himself. It's been three years since his victory, and he's starting to get lonely; he goes down to taunt Near. (NOT SHIPPY. Disgusting rivals only, thank u).

Terrace House AU (or 'we all are strangers and have to live together' reality show AU) with the Death Note cast.

Pirate!AU. L is the captain of the ship, and Light is his first mate and plotting a mutiny with his most 'trusted' crew:  Takada and Mikami. It's all going well until Misa hears about the plot and wants in...

Light/Near dating sim CG.

Beach Episode feat. Light and Mikami getting iced drinks under an umbrella.

Kiyomi Takada and/or Teru Mikami in a kimono, having tea alone or with one another.

Anonymous

A holiday at Wammy's House (could be Christmas, Halloween, Valentine's day, etc)

Raye and Naomi's first date

LABB beach episode

Older Light braiding Near's very long hair

Naomi and cats

Spider-Man meme but it's L (from the anime/manga) and L (from the 2015 tv drama)

In a no!kira world, both fem!L and fem!light have a crush on misa. how do they try to impress her?

Beyond Birthday “accidentally” (its totally on purpose, he just doesn’t want to admit it) gets involved with the Kira case, and he and Misa become friends while they both annoy light.

Light Yagami wakes up in his teenage bedroom after he died at the Yellow Box warehouse. He still has all his memories, and it’s exactly one day before he originally found the death note.  

The Kira case ended years ago, the Wammy’s House is shut down. Only very few of the original Wammy’s kids are still in touch with each other. Linda hasn’t talked to anyone from Wammy’s in years. One day, Near knocks on the front door of her atelier in LA.

Light Yagami is for whatever reason a Wammy’s kid. (Pre-canon, so not even LABB has happened yet, and we’re ignoring the timeline, so L, Light, Beyond, and the other Wammy’s kids (Near, mello, matt, linda) are all the same age.) Chaos ensues.

Fantasy!AU. The noble knight Light Yagami was tasked with slaying the “evil” monster Ryuk. On his journey through a fantasy land while trying to find and defeat the beast he meets many people, like the cutesy goth witch Misa Amane, the baker’s son L Lawliet (Watari’s the baker) and his twin Beyond Birthday, or the group of 4 students from a wealthy orphanage (Wammy’s House is the orphanage, Linda, Matt, Mello, and Near are the students).

Misa posing, while Linda is painting her.  

Misa, L, and Light in modern fashion (Misa as an egirl, what fashion L & light wear is ur choice!!)

Misa’s reaction after she used the death note for the first time, viewed through the shinigami eyes. (Maybe she’d also have some blood on her clothes)  

An interaction of Mello and Near pre-canon when they were still in Wammy’s House.

A drawing of the characters mentioned the fantasy!au fanfic prompt, goofing off. (doesn’t have to be all characters, just choose the ones you wanna draw!!)  

Misa Amane sitting in a Wammy’s House foyer with the Wammy’s kids (Near, Mello, Matt, Linda). They’re all the same age, Misa’s also a Wammy’s kid.

Several years post-canon, Near decides to (or has to because circumstances) tell Sachiko and Sayu the truth about Light.

Pre-canon Light and Yamamoto hanging out at an arcade, being early 2000s teens in peace.

Actor AU. Light is a young Japanese actor getting his first Hollywood role under L, a notoriously difficult director who never shows his face. (Not Lawlight, other ships welcome.)

Near and Light playing a piano duet.

Naomi kicking ass in her wedding dress in a Kill Bill-esque fashion.

Ryuk trying to play Switch and struggling to use the Joycons with his huge hands, to Light's amusement.