#therapy undoubtedly saved my life like at least 3 times

[scientologisabethmoss]

i get it, I GET IT, i truly do. BUT [gets loudly booed by my lovely mutuals] if over-therapized speech in our vernacular reaches at least one woman and gives her the perspective to not “stick it out” in her dogshit marriage, i can deal with this kind of talk and just, like, zone it out when i come across it in the wild.

i understand that for lots of people, this sanitized therapy-speak is akin to communicating with empty platitudes, but there are also lots of women who will literally pledge at the altar “til death do us part” and don’t get that an inequitable marriage is a bond that they can, and should, break. 

marriage for women is already such a raw fucking deal and not actually this sanctified thing, so if “for as long as this feels healthy, safe, and meaningful for both of us” does go mainstream - which it WON’T - i don’t really give a shit! who knows, it could save a woman’s life at some point. 

[trifle-of-doom]

The Hawk X Demetri Manifesto

Okay, here is the thing. Despite being well past my teens, there's a particular ship of Cobra Kai that has drawn my attention, this ship being Hawk/Eli x Demetri. When I first watched the show, I was actually more invested in the adult characters storylines than the teens. I immediately rooted for Johnny and Carmen, and I was always hoping for more interactions between them. But then I saw episode 2x05, in which the atmosphere between the Binary Brothers becomes way more dense, and that's when I started to see some potential for them. Not because I'm a deranged person who fosters abusive relationships, but because I immediately caught the hurt/comfort dynamic of the duo, which is something that works really well when it comes to fictional relationships. However, it wasn't until 3x10 that I said, "Ok, that's official, I need to see more of these two! I totally support them!" And I was quite surprised to find a fairly large amount of people who are very committed to this pairing, to the point it's caught the attention of the screenwriters/producers as well. Honestly, I don't know if the showrunners will ever have the guts to make them an official couple, and chances are their supporters will have to keep reading between the lines of their bromance, but in any case, here is my take on why Hawk/Eli x Demetri is an option worth to be considered.

#1 - The Bromance

If there's something that many years of navigating the Internet taught me, is that the main driving factor for fan-made ships is the presence of either a solid relationship based on mutual brotherly love or a bitter rivalry that may or may not flow into hate/obsession. If you consider anime fandoms, there are thousand examples that fit into either of these categories: Yugi and Jonouchi from the Yu-Gi-Oh series (yes, that's how old I am), Yugi and Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh, Sakuragi and Rukawa from Slam Dunk, Light and L from Death Note, etc. And our Hawk and Demetri fit into both categories. When we first see them, they are the stereotypical nerdy friends (possibly childhood friends?) sitting at the losers' table, who have no one else but each other. When Eli is at his most sensitive and fragile, you can tell he feels comfortable being with Demetri by the genuine smile he has on his face as Demetri is joking with Miguel at the canteen table. Through his sarcasm, the mouthy kid acts as a catalyst to deviate the attention from Eli, speaking for him, reprimanding Johnny when he makes fun of his lip and trying to make him feel safe. Besides, you can see a certain degree of frustration in Demetri when Kyler and his gang are harassing Eli, and he's unable to do anything to defend him. And they even have a jingle for their friendship with a robot dance, I mean, how cute is that? But of course, a solid friendship between two helpless nerdy guys is not enough to spark a ship to be rooting for. In order for the magic to happen, another key ingredient is needed, i.e. a little bit of angst. Which brings us straight to the next point.

#2 - The Angst (aka the Hurt/Comfort Dynamic)

Even though I never liked the Twilight saga or any similar urban fantasy young adult works, I can easily see where the appeal comes from; the attraction to a charming, dangerous person who could either protect you from any harm or crush you like grape. Although with different franchises, I wasn't immune to the bad boy trope either (Yes, I'm looking at you, my teenage self drooling over Grimmjow from Bleach). If we can appreciate the genuine, brotherly friendship between nerdy Eli and Demetri, the shift that Eli makes as he transitions into Hawk and becomes more aggressive and dominant gives their relationship a totally different flavor. Attrition sparks a certain tension that, in the viewer's eyes, could either flow into a brawl or into passion.

During the mall fight, Demetri comes to the realization that his former best friend is actually someone who can crush him like grape. We see Hawk intentionally harming him for the first time, and Demetri's heartbreaking expression as he drops the line: "You'd actually hurt me?" And if that line gave us a pang in our hearts when we first watched Season 2, imagine rewatching it now that we know what happens in Season 3. Demetri is chased down the mall, running for his life, and then he's locked in a grip, as his best friend menacingly advances towards him. Demetri appears as the damsel in distress, however his friend is not the one who will fight to protect him, but rather his tormentor.

During the party at Moon's, Demetri manages to briefly go through Hawk's mask and reach out to Eli, thanks to a casual conversation about Dr Who. But then the beer incident happens, and Demetri defends himself with the only weapon he has – his loudmouth. The situation is reversed, and for a brief moment, he gets to be the dominant one as he discloses all Eli's most intimate secrets. Demetri is now actively contributing to the Hurt/Comfort dynamic; he's no longer just a target, but he's doing his part to enlarge that gaping hole that has formed between them. And Hawk didn't take it well.

From this moment on, Demetri becomes a sort of obsession to Hawk, who hunts him down the school, teasing him and taunting him sadistically, like a serial killer from a horror movie, during the big fight. Of course, in real life, this would be completely insane, and the police/a social assistant/psychiatrist should be called, but in ShipLand, these situations are pure gold. Okay, we get it, Hawk wants to get revenge for the humiliation at the party, and he wants to crush that nerd part of himself he sees in Demetri, but he does it with such an intensity that it borders on ridiculous. It's like this is his twisted way to acknowledge Demetri's presence. Eventually, Hawk ends up smashed into the trophy case, and I confess I felt a little disappointed when Demetri broke that hug to give Hawk a roundhouse kick. I mean, it was a great comeback, but I was sincerely hoping for a "No hard feelings man, let's get outta here!" scenario.

Getting back to the sick and twisted way Hawk acknowledges Demetri's presence, he destroys his science project after he got jealous due to him being confident in his nerd self and laughing around with his ex girlfriend (whom the writers insist he still has a crush on). Speaking of Moon, I have a feeling she likes Hawk mostly based on his badass appearance. Remember when she goes "I like this (mohawk) and I love these (muscles), but I'm not dating a bully"?

Then the football match happens. Okay, let's break this down. Demetri trips Hawk and acts all sassy, and a fellow Cobra Kai is immediately ready to take him down, but Hawk stops him. "Fight smart, he says". Too bad that literally 5 seconds earlier he had shoved a kid to the ground just because his ex girlfriend (again, duuuh~) ignored him when he winked at her. And then, as he's trying to intercept the ball, BANG, Hawk hits Demetri, sending him to the ground, pretending it was an accident. So, what does this tell us? That Hawk has some serious anger management issues? Yeah sure, but also that he cares about fighting smart only as long as it serves as an excuse to leave Demetri for him, because he's his designated target. Again, this is all but romantic, and it doesn't necessarily have to be interpreted as him lusting after his friend, but it's undeniable that this dynamic offers a lot of ship fuel.

The arm breaking thing is just too painful to even analyze. We see a completely helpless Demetri begging for mercy to his ex best friend, who has made No Mercy his life motto. And that scream, oh that scream. All I wanted to see was Hawk realizing what he had done and throwing himself on his knees while begging for forgiveness. But I'm glad that at least we get to see he feels awful for what he's done, and I like to think that, as he got home, Eli cried out all the tears he had in his body thinking about poor Demetri at the hospital, with a swollen broken arm, all because of him. Of all the situations, this is undoubtedly the most deranged and extreme, and if something like this happened in real life, the wrongdoer would deserve to be punished and would definitely need to be sent to therapy. But in ShipLand, this opens the road to many, many different scenarios, in which the bully understands his mistakes and shifts back to the good side, or the two share a tender moment after they reconcile, or the traumatized character has to to learn to trust the other one again, or the bully becomes overprotective of his former victim, etc.

#3 - A Rewarding Reconciliation

Finally, we come to the reconciliation, in which Hawk makes his heel-to-face turn. While we've seen him torn with doubt for an entire season about his sensei's teachings, his actions and the people he wants to surround himself with, the key factor that drives Hawk's redemption is the sight of his best friend being held down for him to beat. And with an epic stunt and his awesome KEEEH screech, Hawk jumps to the rescue of his friend. Like many of us, Demetri thought this was still part of the "Only I Can Torment Him" dynamic I discussed earlier, as he steps backwards a little concerned, but then he understands that action was actually meant to save him, and the two begin to fight side by side, in sync, watching each other's back. You can see Demetri's eyes sparkling at the thought of having his friend back.

Also, not only Demetri stands up to alpha bitch Tory in defense of Eli, but he also speaks for his friend when he's faltering, just like he used to. So kudos for Demetri.

#4 - The Red Oni, Blue Oni Dynamic

Binary Brothers are two sides of the same coin and complete each other with opposite character traits, visually expressed by the color red and the color blue. Being the color red typically associated with violence, rage, passion and irrationality, as opposed to blue, which is associated with calmness, melancholy and rationality, red is clearly the dominant color. Again, this opens many interesting scenarios for shippers.

#5 - Body Language

Besides the situations I described above, which may or may not be read from a romantic/attraction standpoint, there are also a collection of small gestures I noticed when rewatching the series with a more attentive look on their relationship.

- Demetri's heart-broken expression when Eli shamefully covers his lip during the anti-bullying announcement.

- The smile Demetri gives when Hawk responds "Hell yeah!" after Aisha proposes to crash Yasmin's party, implying he's learning to embrace this new wild side of his best friend

- The astonished look with which Demetri watches Hawk at the tournament and the way he's pissed no one knows his real name.

- How deeply hurt Demetri is when Hawk belittles him by saying: "Five against three. More like two and a half." He even tries to reply, but he's caught so off guard that words die in his throat.

- How Demetri takes a step towards Hawk during the mall fight, before Sam makes him back off, and how sadly he looks at Hawk's nearly unconscious body after Robby defeated him.

- How Demetri smiles and nods when he briefly connects with Eli at Moon's party, despite the mall incident.

- How Hawk watches Demetri juggle with the cleaning product from behind his bike helmet (how did he stuff the mohawk in there by the way)?

- Hawk's psychotic/sadistic faces when he smells Demetri's blood, and how he likes to hunt him down like he's his prey.

- Hawk's secret impulse to comfort Demetri after the arm breaking (I hope you get nightmares of Demetri's howl of pain for the rest of your life, Hawk).

- The way Hawk twitches his upper lip when he sees his friend Demetri in danger.

- How Hawk and Demetri are so absorbed in their new-found friendship, that they're caught off guard, and Demetri swings Hawk to allow him to deliver a kick using their handshake as a lever. And how they keep fighting together, shaking each other's hands even when they're out of focus and the attention is on Miguel vs. Kyler.

- How they're standing so close at Miyagi Do, in comparison with the other Red/Blue partners.

In conclusion, this kind of relationships are engaging and entertaining to watch, and they make us wish the best for the characters. They make us hope that, in the end, as Miguel puts it, love really conquers all (and what is friendship if not a form of love?), despite all the hurt they did to each other.

So this is it. I hope you enjoyed my Ted Talk. Feel free to share it with whomever you want, especially if you need some solid reasons why this ship has got some good potential.

And remember: the ship is in the eye of the beholder.

F.

[slasherholic]

(psst... did someone say Mikey whump? guys I think someone said Mikey whump…) 

Frisky February Prompt: Electricity~ (yes it’s 15 days too early shush)  @slashthedice

synopsis: Michael gets served up some nasty, nasty revenge by someone who really, really has it out for him.

warnings: torture in a medical setting, sexual assault, mikey has a bad time ok

foreword: the opinions expressed here by the POV character about certain sensitive topics in no way reflect my own beliefs <3

No Faith in Medicine | Michael Myers x Reader | NSFW

The hospital corridor is long and grey and stretches onward toward a single bolted door, labeled by the rectangular sign hanging above it as Therapy Theater No. 5.

This deep within the bowels of the sanitarium, below the patient wards and the enrichment centers and the checkered courtyard, there is hardly any of the familiar clamour; so as you stride closer to the door the clack of your bootheels over the beige linoleum carries like thunder.

Smith’s Grove was never the sort of place you had pictured yourself ending up during all those sleepless nights studying for your Ph.D, and truthfully, you can’t stand it here. The deliberate blandness of the hospital, with its color palettes limited to inoffensive whites and blues and greys—meticulously designed so as not to provoke its residents—wears on you more than anything else.

You feel like you’re suffocating here; but it doesn’t matter.

This job was never about you to begin with. It was never about some commendable interest in the healing of troubled minds, either; oh-no. There are two-hundred-and-forty-nine permanent patients living inside these sound-proof walls, and while it may not be a very doctorly thing to admit, you don’t give a rat’s ass about two-hundred-and-forty-eight of them.

...and as for that last “troubled mind,” well…

The breezy summer afternoon that Michael Myers was sentenced to life imprisonment exists in your head as vividly as a snapshot picture.

Almost as vivid is your memory of the Halloween that a policeman had come knocking at your front door to inform you in a strictly-business-voice that your sister was found dead in her kitchen, her throat slit open from ear to ear.

You remember watching from your couch as the gavel came down and the judge ruled the man who had taken your sister’s life away as criminally insane—and not responsible for his actions on that fateful October night—and therefor not legally a candidate for the death penalty.

You remember the burning, frustrated tears streaming down your face, the shatter of glass as you hurled the remote at the television screen, and then sinking down in a heap on the floor and screaming until your lungs were raw and your voice was in tatters, because it wasn’t fair, wasn’t fair, wasn’t fair.

So when the news came out that Myers was to be transferred back to Smith’s Grove—hardly a forty minute commute from your own house—you had been out the door that very same day, speeding in your car down the highway, ready to accept any available position the Sanitarium would offer you for your credentials.

It had been your one shot at revenge on the sick, evil fucker who had ruined your happiness; and you were prepared to move heaven and earth just to bring Myers hell.

It had taken eight months before you even laid eyes on the man for the first time.

You’d landed yourself a patient therapy position, but only had the clearance to treat patients who fell under the “medium” and “high-risk” categories. In the entire hospital there were only two patients who fell under the third and final category: a spitting lunatic of a man, who couldn’t be safely approached without first being drugged half-asleep with antipsychotics...

...and Myers.

You had possessed the patience of a saint, climbing through promotion after promotion.

And the very minute that you were handed back a fresh copy of your I.D, now with a little red stamp at the bottom, the stamp that meant you were cleared to work with Myers, you had raced down to the front desk to file your recommendation for treatment.

Three days later, after hours of debriefing by Dr. Ashton, Myers’ new court-assigned psychiatrist, you came face to face with the worst criminal the sanitarium had ever known.

You had seen Myers’ face pictured in black and white on newspaper articles and in fuzzy low-definition on T.V. 

And absolutely none of that could have prepared you for witnessing him in the flesh.

The thing that had startled you most when you were led by Dr. Ashton into Michael’s barren, cramped room—the thing that practically had you reeling when your eyes fell on the motionless figure sitting on the cot in the corner, chained at the wrists and ankles by a metal link fastened to the floor—the thing you still despise yourself for thinking—

—is that Myers was jaw-droppingly, stunningly handsome.

His were the kind of ethereal good looks that you might expect to find in some renaissance painting, or a Grecian statue, or a fantasy book.

You had stood staring across the room at the motionless young man, drinking in all the features of his vacant, pretty face; overcome by complete and total disbelief that this was actually the person responsible for all your grief.

And the very next second, that disbelief was shattered like a dropped vase; when you looked into Myers’ stare.

It brought down the temperature in the room like a cold-snap. It was not directed at you, only at the floor, yet it had you shuddering anyway, had all the hairs on your arms standing straight up. It was not a lights-on-but-nobody-home sort of gaze, the kind you were expecting from how Myers had been described by his former psychiatrist. His face was blank, yes; that was accurate enough.

But his eyes, they were the furthest thing from it. 

Michael Myers had the eyes of a ruthless, calculating, viciously deliberate predator.

The longer you had stood there, gawking at Myers as if he were a tiger in a cage, hardly listening to Dr. Ashton’s rambling about his admiration of your interest in his patient’s treatment, the more you became aware of the charge crackling in the air; like the moment in a thunderstorm just before lightning rips through the sky. It was as if every fiber in your body could sense the danger radiating from this man; you could all but see and smell the invisible blood staining his hands.

It had turned your vision into a seething cloud of red. 

Here was a murderer—the worst kind of murderer, who was perfectly, undoubtedly aware of his crimes, a fact you could tell from just his eyes—who carried in his heart not a single shred of remorse for the lives he’d ripped away. Who, when he was unable to kill, had resigned himself to sitting and anticipating the day when he might once again have his hands around a warm throat, the day when he would pick right back up where he left off and take another life as carelessly and thoughtlessly as one snuffing out a candle.

And this man had been allowed to keep breathing.

You think of all these things as you reach the end of the corridor and swipe your I.D card on the door to Therapy Theater No.5. Hidden locking mechanisms whirr and click open.

You place your hand around the cool metal handle. For a moment, you just stand there. Feeling your pounding heart in your chest.

It pounds not because you are fearful; you don’t care if you get caught because of what you are about to do. You don’t care if you get fired, or if you get your license taken away, or even if you go to jail. Those are the most trivial, unimportant things in the world. No. Your heart does not pound for those reasons.

It pounds because, finally, there will be justice.

Finally, the evil son-of-a-bitch who slaughtered your sister is getting what he deserved all along.

And you get to be the one to flip the switch.

You turn the door handle and step into the room.

Therapy Theater No.5 is bathed in bright fluorescent light and smells strongly of antiseptic and sterilization. Three people are already in the room: two armed guards, who nod in acknowledgment at you when you enter.

And laid out at the center across a white padded table, dressed in a pale blue hospital gown, strapped tightly down at the wrists and ankles by hospital-grade cuffs, looking up at the ceiling as if utterly uncaring, motionless save for the rise and fall of his ribs—Myers.

A nurse had come in before you to prepare the room for treatment. The therapy you’re meant to be administering is simple and painless: electrodes are fixed to the patient’s body and a weak electrical current is passed through, stimulating choice muscle groups—and in more recent cases, even parts of the brain.

You had emphasized that part specifically in your pitch of the therapy to Dr. Ashton, referencing a study which showed how violent tendencies could be soothed in patients who underwent the treatment.

And no, you’d reassured him, it was nothing like electroconvulsive therapy.

The electrical current used in E.S.T is never strong enough to induce seizures. The only thing the subject feels is a mild, if not pleasant, buzz...

·…or at least that’s how it’s meant to be administered.

Tampering with the wattage of the machine had turned out to be laughably easy. A few snipped wires here, a few crunched numbers there, and now the bulky device sitting atop the roll-around table beside your “patient” can deliver a shock nastier than a taser with every throw of the switch.

It’s not strong enough to stop a human heart (god, you wish.) But it is enough to make Myers hurt.

Enough to make him writhe on that table.

Maybe even enough to make the heartless bastard feel something for a change.

You thank the guards before dismissing them. They leave the room but you know they won’t go far; no further than right outside in the hall, waiting through the entire session with their hands on their batons in case Myers gets out of hand.

Their security would be a welcome thing, if you were actually about to /treat/ Myers instead of torturing the living daylights out of him. But now, the guards are just another problem in need of a solution.

Though you are almost confident that Myers will retain his silence throughout the ordeal—that he’ll uphold his veil of distance and aloofness and total lack of care with the stubbornness of an ass—you’re not about to bet your shot at justice on it.

That’s what the ball gag in your coat pocket is for.

Reaching down to check that it is still there, excitement swells in your belly as your fingers graze the black silicone.

On the table, Myers is still motionless. He doesn’t tilt his head to regard you. He pays you no attention at all, in fact, as if you aren’t even there to begin with. Never do his steely eyes move from their fixed place on the ceiling light hanging above him.

As you walk up to the roll-around table, plucking a pair of latex gloves from a box stashed on the shelf beneath before snapping them curtly on, for a reason that you can’t put into words, you find yourself hesitating to look Myers in the face.

It doesn’t matter that he’s restrained; it doesn’t matter that there are two armed and capable guards standing watch right outside. Despite both these things, that vitriolic, charged aura you had felt in his cell still surrounds him now, polluting the room, hanging like a storm cloud over your head. 

It’s as if some submissive animal instinct has gripped your brain and now screams warnings at you: Predator. Danger. Don’t look it in the eye. Don’t provoke it.

You do your damndest to dismiss the feeling as nerves.

In a little white tray next to the E.S.T machine sits a filled syringe; a sedative. Dr. Ashton has insisted on it to better ensure your safety, as well as Myers’ cooperation. In the psychiatrist’s exact words:

“These days Michael is, ah, fussier about this kind of treatment—you know, the kind they gotta bring in the guards for, the needles, the cuffs, the whole nine-yards. 

It’s a theory of mine that, after living with the sort of power Michael did, the loss of his own control doesn’t sit as nicely anymore. He doesn’t like it. And he’s not afraid to let us know just how much he doesn’t like it.”

Fussy. That was the word Ashton had used to describe Myers. 

It had taken every shred of self-control you possessed not to scoff in the Doctor’s face at that; as if the man laid out before you now were some sort of stubborn, overgrown toddler, and not a remorseless, murderous psychopath.

You don’t spare the sedative a second glance as you unravel the bundle of wires and nodes connected to the E.S.T machine; Myers is going to be awake to feel every goddamned second of what you do to him.

Only after you’re finished with him will you finally send him under.

You can picture the conversation with Ashton now: Yes sir, the sedative worked like a charm, he was out like a light the entire time; no sir, no complications at all.

You take your time setting up the machine because you’re still hesitant to even look at Myers, let alone touch him. But when the wires are all connected, the red power button flashing idly in standby, there is nothing left to do except attach the electrodes.

You force yourself to look him in the face as you approach. You should not be afraid of this man; you should resent him, should despise him, but should not fear him. He doesn’t deserve to hold that sort of power over you, or anyone else, ever again.

So you look.

Michael is still watching the ceiling. According to his eyes, he does not acknowledge you.

But just from how the hair on your nape stands on end you know you’re being watched.

Myers is regarding you coolly in his periphery with the curiosity of a feline, feigning detachment and disinterest; but the weight and pressure of that penetrating gaze could not be more obvious if it were a ton of bricks coming right down on your head.

With a deep breath to rein in your resolve, you reach down, your fingers working to undo the first knot on Myers’ hospital gown.

Quickly, you discover that it is one thing to look at Myers; to feel for yourself his ruthless awareness, the raw intensity of his presence.

But to touch him is another thing altogether.

He draws a breath of his own as you fidget with his gown, his strong rib cage expanding beneath your fingers. You shudder at the sudden pressure of his body; whether out of disgust, or anger, or some fucked up fascination, you aren’t sure.

After undoing the ties on both sides, you lift the front of his gown up and off—

—and find that Myers is totally naked underneath.

Standard hospital procedure for a therapy like this one. Nothing new.

But it’s different when the patient looks like this.

You hate yourself for ogling him. You detest the way your eyes rove across Myers’ body, lingering on all the features that your lizard-brain decides it likes; from the stark tendons in his neck to his sharp and angular collarbones, from his broad, rounded shoulders to the beautiful definition in his abdomen, and down even further than that before you can stop yourself.

To the V of his obliques—to the trail of curly brown pubic hair on his pelvis—and all the way down to his flaccid penis.

You snatch a towel from the roll-around and drape it hurriedly over his hips. Not for the sake of his modesty; just so you don’t have to worry about your eyes straying down to the cock of the man who murdered your sister.

As far as the placement of the electrodes on his body, you honestly haven’t given it much thought. It seemed like the sort of thing that would come to you like an epiphany, as if suddenly, in the moment, you would know exactly where to hit Myers to really make him suffer.

But no such epiphany comes. Oh well; you have an hour to experiment.

Grabbing the two nodes off their holders, you run the wires across his chest and press the little round circles down flat against his pectorals.

When your gloved fingers graze Myers’ skin you nearly jerk back your hand, startled. The man is hot like a stove.

Your medical fascination is instantly piqued—Myers must have the hottest resting body temperature you’ve ever encountered. You have to force away intrusive thoughts of sticking a thermometer in his mouth to see that number for yourself.

Focus.

Tugging up on the wires, you test the integrity of the node’s suction. They don’t budge from his chest, lifting his skin with them as you pull. Perfect; It’s nearly time. 

Now for the gag.

You just have to cross your fingers and pray that you can actually get it in his mouth.

Looking Myers in the face a third time proves to be no less jarring than it had been the second or the first. You’re just relieved that even after all your poking and prodding he is still pretending not to be interested in you, or in the things you’re doing to his body.

You clear your throat before speaking to him because you don’t trust it enough not to crack.

“Open up,” you command him, mustering every authoritative bone in your body and sounding very official even to your own ears.

Removing the gag from your pocket, you hold it up as if to show him, taking care to conceal the black silicone ball with your hand.

“Mouthguard.”

You doubt that Myers has seen this sort of gag before. Or that he even knows what a gag is. Still, you’re not taking that risk. If this doesn’t work then you’re going to have to drug him just to get the damn thing in place, then wait for him to sober up again—a colossal waste of time.

For a tense second, Myers does not respond to your command. He just lays there on the table, inhaling and exhaling, looking incredibly bored with you, with his nakedness, with the electrodes strapped to his chest.

Your jaw goes tense. You nearly repeat yourself.

But then, he opens up his mouth.

Beneath the harsh overhead lighting his teeth gleam wetly. You suspect immediately that he’s going to try and bite your fingers off the second you get too close.

Game on, fucker. 

From the shelf below the roll-around you snatch up a small blotting rag. Walking around to stand at the head of the table, you gaze down at Myers again.

“The strap goes underneath.” You inform him. “I need you to lift your head up.”

He does.

And you strike. Faster than you had thought yourself capable.

You drape the rag over his eyes so that he can’t see what’s coming. Thrusting the gag hard into his open mouth, you wedge it firmly between his teeth. In the corner of the room, Myers’ heart monitor spikes suddenly, the electronic beeping speeding up momentarily—a sound that has you beaming with pride.

You’ve actually managed to startle him.

As you clip the strap into place around the back of his head, a strange sense of accomplishment floods your body—you’ve done it. You’ve actually done it. Everything is ready. 

Every sacrifice you’ve made in these past eight months, every hour spent in this godforsaken hellhole, it was all worth it just to bring about this single moment.

The moment is made only sweeter when you rip the rag away from Myers’ face.

Oh. Now you have his attention.

Those pale eyes are looking straight up at you. Considering you with the cutting gaze of a hawk. Working out the situation. 

You glare right back down at him. You stare deep into his eyes, the triumphant fire now raging in your chest burning hotter than the ice in his stare, more furiously than all the danger—and you find that you are not afraid of him anymore. Like this, Myers is nothing. He’s not a boogeyman. Not a phantom. He’s just a man—stripped of all his mysticism. Strapped to a table. Naked. Gagged.

Powerless.

Just as powerless to stop what you’re about to do to him as each and every one of the people whose lives he took away.

“Hello, Michael.” You hold his fierce eye-contact as you speak. “Ten months ago you broke into my sister’s house and murdered her.”

Myers doesn’t blink. But neither do you.

“When they tried you, you were supposed to leave that courtroom a dead man walking; you were supposed to die. That's how our justice system works—when you do the things you did, you don’t get to keep on living.”

Nothing changes on Myers’ face as you speak. Nothing changes in his eyes. Not one molecule in his body has an atom of care to give about the words you’re saying. He breathes around the gag, his heart monitor beeping slow and steady.

“I don’t give a single fuck about what that judge said,” You continue. “And I don’t care how sick in the head you really are. You knew exactly what you were doing that night. I can see it in your eyes, Myers—you loved every fucking second of it. And that’s the only thing that matters.”

You draw a long breath. One that you hold in your lungs before letting slowly out again.

“You’re the evilest son-of-a-bitch on this entire fucking planet; and you deserve to die.”

Walking over to the E.S.T machine, fighting back with tooth and claw against furious tears now threatening your eyes, you place your finger over the power switch.

Myers watches you; and you notice something flicker to life in his glacial eyes. Not an emotion. Just a realization.

Good. He understands now. He understands what you’re about to do to him.

“Someone has to make you pay. Someone has to.”

Michael just stares. Watching you. Watching your finger on the switch. His pulse on the monitor ticks as leisurely as if he were about to fall asleep.

“And guess what, you sick fuck?”

Still staring—not blinking—breaths coming slowly.

“I’m so fucking happy that it’s me.”

You throw the switch—

—the wires crackle with live electricity—

—and all of Myers’ deliberate, calculated control is shattered like a dropped glass.

His body seizes. His eyes snap shut. His fingers curl into fists that turn his knuckles whiter than the table beneath him. The tendons in his neck and forearms jump out, straining beneath his skin. His heart monitor beats erratically, the little green line on the screen spiking sharply, racing out of control.

Your eyes are glued to the grisly scene. You devour each and every involuntary reaction, relishing in the complete and utter breakdown of his control.

Fifteen gorgeous seconds pass before you remember that you were supposed to be counting to ten. Whoops. You might be frying his brain into an unfeeling stupor at this point. You flip the switch off in an instant because you need him awake, aware.

Myers’ back falls flat against the table, the current cutting off as abruptly as it began. The muscles in his chest continue to contract and seize beneath his skin long after the electricity is gone; you count the spasms as they tear through his pectorals like sets of waves.

When the spasming stops, his chest heaves up and down, winded. His breaths around the gag come heavily. His eyes are still shut; but no longer are they /squeezed/ shut.

For a moment, you really think that he’s passed out.

Then his eyes twitch beneath their lids and flutter open again. Blinking. Focusing—

—flitting right back on your face. Right back to the spot where he had left them before the current forced them shut.

Myers’ eyes are devoid of care. He is entirely unperturbed by what has just happened to him; entirely unthreatened. But now, that murderous intent—the charge which until now you’d only felt in the air around him—is written in his stare as plain as day.

I am going to kill you, says Michael’s gaze, as nonchalant as if he were stating some trivial fact about the universe, like water is wet, or the sky is blue.

It makes your blood boil.

Adding insult to injury, the speed at which Myers regains control of his body is nothing short of infuriating. You fume as you watch the way his breaths level out again, the beeping from his heart monitor falling back into the former slow, rhythmic pace.

You feel as though you should say something to him; like you should retaliate to this defiance in some way that isn’t staring, because you’ve already lost that battle; you cannot possibly hope to match the severity of Myers’ gaze.

But you don’t.

In your heart of hearts you know that your words will go right through his skull, unheard. There is only one language that Myers understands; only one language that he can comprehend down to his marrow. So you’ll speak it to him.

Without wasting another breath, your fingers find the power switch again. And those defiant eyes of his snap shut a second time.

When you shut the current off the results are the same as before; Myers is heaving on the table. But he takes back his control just as quickly, his stoicism prevailing.

By the third time however, his breaths have begun to linger in their heaviness—

—by the fourth he draws them as shallow as a winded sprinter running a race—

—by the fifth, the intervals between the violent seizing-up of his body are too brief for him to catch his breath—

—and the way he now gasps around the obstructing gag, fighting and failing to suck in air past its silicone, his nostrils flaring rapidly to compensate, is the most beautiful display of desperation that you have ever witnessed.

The sixth time you throw the switch, Myers actually does pass out.

When the current stops his body loses its tension with the abruptness of a cut wire. You wait impatiently for him to open his eyes again with your finger lingering over the switch, preparing to meet that steely gaze with another brutal jolt of electricity.

You wait; and Myers’ heart monitor chugs away like a freight train going up a hill.

Still waiting… waiting...

...and nothing happens. Myers is out cold.

The contentment now pulsing through your veins is what you imagine a shot of heroin feels like. Snapping on a fresh pair of gloves, you walk up to the side of the table to admire your work.

The first thing you notice is the sweat. Myers’ body is drenched in it. It beads up on his chest and clavicle, on his biceps and shoulders, on his brow and cheeks, the skin there flushing a shade of stark, exhausted pink. Gorgeous.

Your eyes travel down his body to continue the examination; you stop at his hands.

Myers’ hands are bloody.

Crescent-shaped cuts litter the skin of his palms, marking the place where his own blunt fingernails had dug in uncontrollably, over and over and over again. The fresh blood streaks in little rivulets down his hands and pools on the white padding of the table beneath. 

You chew the inside of your lip as you stare at the mess; these cuts might be tricky to explain away. You’ll have to gauze them and tell Dr. Ashton that his patient did it to himself; maybe recommend that he be switched to a higher Thorazine dosage to really sell the lie.

Luckily, that’s a problem for the future. As for right now, you’re rather enjoying the irony of Myers’ own blood staining his hands for a change.

The inspection continues. Further down his body, you finally notice it; the bulge beneath the towel strewn across his pelvis. 

Oh my god, he isn’t. You think, lifting the side of the towel for a peek.

And oh my god, he is.

Rather frustratingly, just like the rest of him, Myers is pretty down here, too. Pretty and big. Which is not a compliment, you reassure yourself. Just a medical observation. You let yourself stare this time, because you’re not ashamed anymore. You’re not threatened by the notion of admiring Myers’ physiology anymore.

Not when he’s so completely at your mercy.

Somehow, Myers doesn’t seem to be the masochistic type, so you highly doubt that actual arousal is responsible for this. Sheer adrenaline coupled with his frantically pumping heart are probably to blame, his brain mixing and misinterpreting the signals, resulting in this little accident.

The longer you stare down at the “accident,” the more you find yourself wondering what Myers would look like fully-erect.

You cannot rip the electrodes off his chest fast enough. Plucking the towel from waist and discarding it on the floor, you stick the two nodes down flat against his obliques, then hurry to rig up a third. That one you plant just above his penis; as close to its base as the curly dark hair will allow.

You stand with your finger ready on the go-button again, opting to let Myers’ still-racing pulse dip out of the red before you pull the trigger and plunge him back into hell. Bloodied hands you can explain away, but cardiac arrest? Not so much.

The beeping slows. The green lines on the monitor settle. You throw the switch.

Myers’ pelvis bucks uncontrollably up from the table—

—and he grunts.

The sound makes your heart sing. It is muffled by the gag, low and reverberating, not very loud to begin with. Most definitely not on purpose; just a reaction that’s managed to slip through while his barriers are down.

Myers’ groin is still quivering when you cut the current off. His cock stands upright, stiff and swollen, totally erect. A line of saliva now dribbles down the side of his mouth, trickling between the gag, collecting in a shimmering mess on his shoulder. He blinks sluggishly up at the ceiling light as if transfixed; still dazed, you would guess.

Something twisted occurs to you as you drink in the scene. Something that you can’t deny.

Seeing Myers like this—fighting for his very consciousness, struggling to retain some sliver of control—is the single most arousing thing you have ever witnessed. You want nothing more in the entire world than to climb onto this dangerous, wounded man’s hips and claim him. 

You want nothing more than to give him a taste of what true powerlessness feels like.

It’s a lovely fantasy, a beautiful temptation, and a real shame that it can’t happen. You don’t feel like getting knocked up with the child of your sister’s murderer today; or ever, for that matter. Instead, you think you’ll make a game out of guessing how many more shocks will have Myers coming on his own thighs.

Striding up to the head of the table again, you plant your arms on either side of his shoulders, leaning over him, hardly ten inches from his face.

“Looks painful Myers.” You jest. “How about I make you a deal?”

Michael looks up at you. Unfocused. Blinking slowly.

“I flip the switch,” you continue,

“—and I keep it flipped until you’re covered in your own semen, and after that I jam a needle in your arm, pump you full of drugs, and you get to live out your next eight hours as an unfeeling fucking vegetable. Fair?”

You wait for Myers to do something. For your words to register in his brain. For some flicker of a response to let you know that he’s even still in there.

To your immense disappointment, Myers does nothing. Absolutely nothing. He just...

...well, you can’t even call it staring anymore.

He doesn’t seem able to manage that sort of focus, you realize, inspecting his face closer. His eyes are alarmingly barren; there really isn’t much of anything there, now. None of the ruthlessness, none of that predatory awareness, none of the murder.

You’ve actually shocked the bastard totally, one-hundred-percent out of it.

Whoops.

Back at the roll-around, you snatch up a hand light. Returning to the table, you shine it in his eyes, assessing the damage. His functioning pupil is slow to dilate. Worryingly slow. You click the light off with a contemplative frown.

Half of your mind begs whatever force might be listening that this isn’t a passing affliction, that whatever damage that’s done is done. If the courts insist on keeping Myers alive, then maybe reducing his brains to soup is what it takes to keep him docile. To keep him from hurting another living thing ever again. You can only hope.

As much as you’d love to do so, electrocuting the living daylights out of him some more isn’t likely to bring Myers back to awareness; and the session is supposed to be over soon.

You glance at the clock on the wall—

—Shit. Very soon.

You need to find out right the fuck now if you’ve just rendered Dr. Ashton’s patient catatonic.

Walking around the side of the table, you take Myers’ swollen cock in your gloved hand—trying not to think about the fact that you’re jacking off a condemned murderer—and pump hard, stroking him all the way from the shaft to the swollen tip, squeezing the head, massaging your thumb over it, rubbing all the way back down again.

“Come on, asshole,” you spit. “That can’t be all the fight you’ve got.”

Myers’ hips jerk slightly up from the table as you touch him. Probably just an involuntary reaction. You’ll need him to do better than that. Stroking him faster, squeezing even harder, you pray that the friction of your latex glove against his cock feels just about as pleasant as a rug burn.

As you watch his vacant face like a hawk you see him begin to blink harder, his eyes squeezing shut, twitching beneath their lids, staying closed for a beat before opening up again, like he’s struggling to wake from a deep sleep. A much more deliberate motion; he’s coming back to it.

“Can you feel that? Hurts like a bitch, doesn’t it?”

He breathes hard around the gag. His knees lurch up from the table, the cuffs around his ankles straining, holding him in place.

You give his cock another hard squeeze.

“Forget where you are Myers?”

His jaw goes absolutely rigid with tension.

Ah. He heard you that time. He’s back.

How unfortunate that his brain isn’t fried after all.

You can see it all coming back now as his eyes flit down, locking on your face, rebooting within him like a program on a script; the chilling intensity, the sharpness, all the things that had made your skin crawl in the days past. Despite the torture, nothing at all about Myers’ demeanor has changed.

“Welcome back.” You state dryly. “We aren’t done yet.”

As if to make your blood boil on purpose—as if the battered state of his body means less to him than dirt, as if he hasn’t spent the better part of the hour being brutally, mercilessly tortured by you—

—Myers just watches you. Damning you with his eyes alone to the same grisly demise as before.

An odd sense of something, not quite admiration, sparks in your gut. Looking into Myers’ eyes, there is one single thing that you are willing to give this monster credit for:

What sits before you is a creature that cannot be broken. One that will never be dissuaded from its primal, violent nature. To try it is an impossible task. You suspect that you could stand in this room for days, flipping the same switch, delivering the same current, knocking him to and from consciousness, and into all the states in-between.

And the result would never change. Not ever.

He’d still be looking at you with that same deadly stare. A stare as cold and sharp as the blade of a carving knife.

And it would only get more piercing.

And what a relief it is that your goal in the first place was never to break Myers,

just to bring the gates of hell down on his pretty, curly head.

And you have. You can hear it in every breath he takes; he’s struggling. Although he draws his inhales slowly, with mechanical control, the ragged wheezing in his chest is no longer possible for him to hide. Myers is hurting—he’s hurting bad.

As much as you would love to stay and twist the knife in even deeper, it's time to wrap things up. You’re all out of time.

Pulling the electrodes from his groin and thighs with one hand, you let two of the nodes dangle freely off the side of the table.

The third you stick against his cock.

“Count your lucky fucking stars that not everyone in the world is as heartless as you are.” You tell him, walking back around to the E.S.T machine.

Myers follows you with eyes the entire way, stone-faced, impassive. Like the fact that you’ve just fastened a live wire to his dick is about as boring to him as watching paint dry.

Flick goes the switch.

His back arches off the table like a bent bow. He scrunches his eyes shut, breathing hard around the gag, tugging furiously at the cuffs, the muscles in his calves and biceps straining dangerously, pulling upwards with a brutish force that has table whining beneath him.

You’re transfixed as Michael comes. His mess shoots out in thick ropes, reaching further than you thought possible, coating the table, getting on his legs. The sheer power of his body is a stunning thing to witness. You keep the current running to milk him down to the very last drop.

When he stops coming, you power off the machine.

The node comes away from Michael’s skin in a “pop” that is all-too satisfying. Bundling all the wires and electrodes back into place on the machine you listen to the only measurable signs of the man’s distress; the tortured intake of his breaths, the elevated beeping of his heart monitor.

Then, picking up the needle from the little white tray, you cross back to Myers’ side.

The vein in his forearm is thick and pronounced and the needle slips in beautifully. You press slowly down on the plunger, grateful when he doesn’t try to yank his arm away, relieved when he accepts the drug without a struggle. He must be exhausted.

The sedative works its magic quickly. You pull up a stool and sit down beside him to watch.

The vitriol in his eyes begins to melt and soften. One by one his strained muscles are allowed to relax again, the tension ebbing away; from his jaw, his shoulders, his abdomen, his legs. The electronic beeping on the monitor slows and slows until its powerful rhythm beats steadily again.

Evidently, Michael has decided he isn’t ready to go under just yet. Though sleep pools in his eyelids he blinks it away, clinging in a death grip to his consciousness.

Just to leer at you. Just to picture in his mind the day he will have his hands around your throat; as if it is already set in stone. As if it is just a matter of when.

Then, Michael’s eyelids flutter—

—fighting to stay open, still staring—

—closing, for just a beat too long—

—lingering shut—

—staying shut.

You move to clean him up quickly. The gag comes out first. Lifting his head to unbuckle the strap, you tug out the black ball, letting his strained jaw fall shut again for the first time in an hour; then carelessly drop his head. It thunks satisfyingly as it comes down hard against the table. Glancing at the gag’s silicone, you notice the deep markings worn into it, perfect impressions of Myers’ top and bottom teeth. You almost shudder; a bite from him would have been nasty.

You blot away the drool dribbling down his chin and shoulder with a rag, and then move on.

The last thing you expect as you begin to clean Michael’s bloodied hands is the tears that spring to your eyes. Even with your fear of the man gone and buried, you wish that you didn’t have to touch these awful hands; let alone treat them, bandage them, heal them.

You wipe away the tears on your sleeve as you gather your supplies together on the roll-around.

Grabbing each of his wrists just above the restraint cuffs and turning them so that his palm is facing upward on the table, you hastily swab him down with alcohol pads, wiping up the clotting blood from his skin, squeezing out a blob of antiseptic from a tube to smear across his cuts. As you wrap Michael’s palms tightly in gauze you try your hardest to snuff out that invasive thought when it comes searing like a bullet through your skull—

—these are the hands that killed my sister.

You simply can’t afford to linger on those thoughts right now. Maybe when you’re at home tonight, alone in your bed, you will let yourself cry; but not now. Not while you still need to clean up after Myers’ unfortunate mishap.

Toweling him down from his forehead to his calves, you soak away the sweat. And the semen. Then, you fasten back up the front of his hospital gown, knotting each and every tie.

And just like that, the job is done.

You knock on the door. The guards come in and wheel Myers’ unconscious body out of the room.

The next day, you have a debriefing session with Dr. Ashton. You feed him your meticulously rehearsed lie: that the therapy went without a hiccup, that you firmly believe this treatment could be the key to alleviating Michael’s tendencies for violence.

The moron laps up your every word.

Ashton ends the session with a delightful little surprise; he’s pulled some strings to allow for Michael’s therapy to be carried out bi-weekly. He is so impressed by your drive to treat his patient that he’s offering you a position as Michael’s secondary caretaker. He only hopes that you’ll accept.

The smile you give him is bright and sincere, one that beams from ear to ear.

“Doctor, believe me when I say that nothing in the world would make me happier.”

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

i preserved in him what he needed to believe about you.

i wrote yesterday that this episode had a lot riding on it. for the most part, it delivered--mostly in anchoring both dick and slade’s arcs, expanding on the themes introduced in s2, and in firmly establishing jericho as My Favourite Forever And Ever. it was also very flawed, but in (mostly) interesting ways. let’s talk about it!

SPOILERS ahead.

1. jericho has my whole heart and then some. i think it would’ve been very easy to paint him with broad strokes--my fear was they would drag the innocence all the way to the edge of infantilisation, which, good god NO--but while he is enthusiastic and ready to believe the best of both his friends and family, there’s a sharpness to him, a kind of reckless guile, and quite a lot of unresolved and complicated feelings about father figures. 

1.25. he is obviously very proud of his father having served in the military--he’s even tangentially aware that he was experimented on, given his nonchalant attribution of his own powers to “drugs” that his father took while serving. (this awareness has to include the fact that his father definitely took a number of lives as a soldier.) even the awful assault that took away his voice and eventually his father from his life tracks with a single, knowable truth. knowing this helped him ground his own identity--the problem comes when he realises that what he’d used to build himself on was itself built on a lie. 

there is a tension, then, between his loyalty to these friends who used him but ultimately revealed the truth to him, and his desire to have that cornerstone of his life back. his compromise is to talk to his father, but only with dick’s permission; in it, he would know if his father was finally ready to be completely honest with him, and if there was more to dick’s friendship than merely using jericho to get to his father.

1.3. of course, it doesn’t exactly work that way: in the final fight at the church, there are two men who insist on their truth while pushing him to the side. in it, he sees one of them ruthlessly cut down the other, and he sees the other using his own body and life to protect him. jericho makes his choice in the end.

1.45. dick i think was absolutely right and justified in bringing jericho to a safe place where he can explore and learn to control his powers, even if dick was surprisingly blase about the potential ethical tangles of being able to possess other people’s bodies without them being aware of it. it was honestly a bit disturbing to see that hank was chosen to demonstrate jericho’s powers, given his history and the fact that he describes the experience as a “blackout”. i’m just going to assume that he would’ve come around to it eventually.

given the relative paucity of Big Bads and grand superhero battles, i’m kind of taken with the idea of the titans essentially being a support group for young troubled superheroes who need help and training and ways to ground themselves before heading back to their corners of the world. 

1.5. ultimately this episode once again drives home what should be the essential question in a show that revolves around a team of superhero sidekicks: are we destined to be what we were moulded to be? is the point of their existence to perpetuate what their mentors/fathers did? slade and jericho both struggle with this; so do dick and donna in this episode. so do rose, and jason, and rachel, and conner, and kory in the broader context of the series. the answers they find are complicated and at the cost of a great deal of pain, but the process is always interesting.

1.8. obviously jericho isn’t actually dead. i wonder what that initial dreamscape sequence was all about? is it some secret pocket dimension that jericho jumped into at the last minute when slade killed his body? is that where he’s been for the last five years?

2. dick grayson is lost. he is utterly buried under artifice and armour. i mentioned in a previous post (i think the one for 2.07) that he performs quite a bit of emotional labour for the team on top of being their leader in a tactical sense. here, he’s trying to hold it together for the team after a devastating death; he’s spearheading an effort for revenge he thought they all supported. he pulls on batman-goggles, trying to look at what he’s doing from a logical, emotionally-removed perspective, even while burying his bleeding heart as deep as he possibly can. no wonder he’s acting “like a ghost” and “burning at both ends”--it’s a terrible burden to bear. 

then the team turns around--once they’ve already gotten the info they needed, mind!--and tells him to cut jericho out of this operation; that it’s wrong and awful to have involved him at all. when he tries to do just that, he sees that he can actually help jericho as a friend and teammate, and at the urging of dawn, comes clean to him. meanwhile garth’s death and donna’s grief is still an unrelenting pressure on the back of his neck, driving him to find deathstroke at any cost--except when that cost is betraying jericho’s trust. ultimately slade nearly murdering donna is what breaks him--and he decides to follow jericho to slade anyway.

at every point he is so desperately trying to do good by everybody that he loses himself in the process. that his reward for this is being beaten up, a truckload of survivor’s guilt, and being abandoned by his closest friends is just so fucking awful. his friends are so used to his artifice and he is so used to absorbing all the blame that they think nothing of both praising him for being someone that saves people and believing he would sacrifice innocent lives for the sake of a mission in the same day.

(but this makes dick/kory so beautiful and refreshing--she has no time for his artifice and he doesn’t have to Be Someone around her. their relationship is defined by being undefined, and in that sense--at least for now--both of them find peace in the other.)

2.5. slade commenting coldly on dick’s fighting skills and the way he uses dick’s feelings for jericho to distract and defeat him makes me think that slade’s been playing this game with dick for far longer than he was aware: slade used both jericho and donna as bait to lure dick to that church, fought him in a cold, critical way undoubtedly reminiscent of a thousand sparring sessions with batman, and drove him utterly to the ground not just to prove a point to the titans and the superhero community at large but to jericho as well: this man is weak, manipulative, and ultimately a poor substitute for slade. 

2.75. who knows for how long dick wallowed in his failure, still seeing jericho take the blade that was meant for him, utterly alone? did he go back to the batcave, utterly defeated, and did he listen to bruce call him out on his mistakes? how much do you think he internalised all the terrible things he’d been told he was until he believed it all to be true? until he couldn’t live with himself and spiralled and spiralled until his self-hatred lead to outright self-destruction?

like--no wonder he completely fell apart in the present day when deathstroke showed up again. he’d just started to trust--he’d just started to build a family again. and here it is, a reminder of his biggest failure threatening to have him fail spectacularly once again. 

... this boy needs so much therapy. or at least a long nap and a series of hugs.

2.8. (that fight between him and slade tho... goddamn. even my shitty quality stream couldn’t take away from how thrilling it was to watch.)

3. dawn is... well. i know it’s been frustrating to follow dawn this season, as she’s been either non-existent or, uh, flat, but there was something interesting in the way her dynamic with dick moved and shifted in this episode. she thrills to ideals without considering the consequences of actually following those ideals. in the space of a few months, she can implore dick to act like batman, then tell him no, she was wrong to have asked him to do that, then say that she loved him for saving people and then barely days later abandon him for being a reckless sociopath who exploited innocent lives. in the present day, she can support hank in his retirement and rehabilitative process, yet still think it’s perfectly ok to go behind his back and continue being a vigilante. she supported protecting rose in the tower but still piled on dick for going off on his reckless suicide mission to try and save both jason and rose. she endorsed (and once praised) dick taking on troubled young superhero charges, yet turned around and berated him for daring to open up titans tower and “put them in the firing line”. 

i mean, for all that she takes the considerate, sensitive line in conversations, it’s almost always in contradiction to a position she’d taken earlier. it’s too consistent to be a coincidence, and i think it’s fascinating.

4. i didn’t realise amazons could be defeated and killed so easily?? who issued the contract to kill jillian in the first place and what was the “important work” they were doing in san francisco in the first place? a mystery within a mystery...

5. if this season were the draft of a story, i would go right in with a red pen and start moving around all the parts to make it flow better; excise entire passages and rewrite a few others. the pacing has been terrible, and this has meant that the younger titans--and the team we came to know and love through the first season--have gotten almost nothing to do, either plot-wise or emotionally. even if kory and gar and rachel become absolutely vital to the story in the last 4-5 episodes, it would still be a fairly significant failure, storytelling-wise.

that’s a pity because this show is packed with a stellar cast, always looks gorgeous, and is filled with genuinely insightful human relationships that are allowed to unfold in ways you just don’t see in other superhero media. just--*vibrates* a little more love and care from the people making and producing the show please!

[momisablessing-blog]

7 Habits to Be a Good Mom for Your Little Ones

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maybe you're pacing the ground with a fussy toddler? Perhaps you're sitting in a rocking chair breast or bottle feeding? Or are you extensive wide awake because your little one has taken over the sacred sleep area that when belonged to you and your partner? We have all been there. We're mothers. The way to be a better mother. 7 crucial hints on a way to be a good mother... And nonetheless enjoy your personal lifestyles. You can discover ways to be a great mother, a better mom, a satisfied mother, without losing your thoughts. But are we exact moms? If you have to ask the question, you may have doubts. But right here’s the good information…

you can discover ways to be a very good mom. Everybody can. In this text, i am going to offer seven approaches to be an awesome mom… a higher mother… a glad mother. A few i've provide you with by myself. A few i have borrowed from different moms. A few i have researched. ​

what you'll learn [show]

life before being a mother you aren't alone. Whether or not you're modern day to motherhood or had been at it for a while now, one element is real… you have been a girl first. An unbiased, unmarried girl who had no person to answer to. No one's life become in your palms on a day by day basis. You went on dates. You took the time to do your hair and make-up. You went to the health club often. You had a terrific task. You had first-rate friends. You binge-watched tv dramas. You had a existence! But in some unspecified time in the future, you probably made a totally aware selection to turn out to be a mom. And with that, you took in this massive duty. You vowed to preserve your toddler secure. You vowed to love them. You vowed to cherish them. What could likely pass wrong? Take into account that time before you were a mother? Lots. And after nearly 8 years and 4 youngsters, i experience i have got a few correct advice to offer for dealing with this experience referred to as motherhood… and it starts now. I'm able to teach you a way to be an excellent mom… or at the least feel like one. Allow's get began. Habit #1: forget as a minimum half of what your mother taught you did i simply say that? Did i just inform you to push aside the recommendation your mother has undoubtedly tried to offer? Yes. Yes, i did. Now let me clarify. Your mother is a grandmother now. And this is a completely extraordinary ballgame. She's protected all of the bases, literally, when it comes to elevating a infant. You have been that child. However your infant is specific. And no person knows your child higher than you. Duration. Exclamation point! Instances exchange. Your grandmother raised your mom in a completely exclusive world than she raised you. The identical holds actual for elevating your toddler. The fifties brought us to the likes of donna reed. Lucille ball. Barbara billingsley from depart it to beaver. The mothers on those shows have been continually dressed to the nines. Constantly had their hair performed. Dinner changed into on the desk at the identical time each night. They continually smiled. No mom smiles that a good deal. It's kind of scary

there's no ebook on motherhood that could come up with all the answers. And it is good enough. It's ordinary. Consider me. When you have been a toddler, you possibly performed outdoor until dark and disappeared with community pals for hours on give up. Such things as attention deficit disorder and autism weren't mainstream troubles. Pediatricians weren't diagnosing lots of youngsters every 12 months with celiac disease, nut allergies, or lactose intolerance. These problems are very actual and very extreme … these days. How may want to our moms possibly relate? However here's the element… they'll try. Due to the fact they love us, our personal moms will:

upload their 2-cents on the problem. Try extremely hard to attract a correlation between your toddler and you. Key terms like, “you had been the identical manner” or “you probably did the identical aspect” will come up. Lots. Offer tales about a pal's grandchild this is going through the precise equal component. Argue with you to seek a second opinion on certain topics. Attempt to shed a few new light on the subject that perhaps even the professionals have not even figured out but. As i stated, they may strive. And you will be grateful. However being a great mom is essentially reliant on following your instincts. Observe your instincts! Concentrate to the alarms going off on your head pay attention what your child is pronouncing. Observe how your infant is behaving in numerous conditions. Train your self. Be worried. Stand your floor. By no means be afraid to say “thank you, but no thank you” for your mother for her opinion. However always keep an open thoughts. In the end, you turned out good enough. Right? Her advice may just spark some thing interior you that you unnoticed, which could often show up when you're too near a scenario. On the give up of the day, however, the task is yours. You have got this! Addiction #2: use social media as a form of remedy allow's be sincere…

except your process prohibits it, otherwise you live underneath a rock, chances are you've got at least one social media account. Why wouldn't you? Those social media presents top notch avenues for:

sharing news and photographs with own family and pals. Reconnecting with lengthy lost pals. Obtaining facts and pointers. Networking. Organizing occasions. Meeting new people. Stepping into a heated argument about politics or religion. Discussing the brand new traits. Therapy remedy? Yes, therapy. Hear me out. Learn how to be the first-rate mother by means of the usage of social media as a form of therapy. Make social media your ally in motherhood. Capture all the good, the bad, the unpleasant moments. If you're like maximum mothers, you publish limitless pictures of your children doing adorable things. And also you need to. But it is incredibly fake advertising and marketing. Isn't always it? No toddler is glad all the time. And you can't be a glad mother all the time. No matter what the images display, my kids are not:

continuously hugging their siblings. Always volunteering to proportion their toys without a combat. Waking up from their each day nap within the exceptional mood whenever. Waving and smiling at strangers. Sitting contently in a buying cart at the same time as i stroll through the grocery store at a leisurely pace. Laughing all day. Are yours? I'd guess money they're now not. So i'm laying down the gauntlet. Here and now. And a better option to social media is to participate in a single (or a few) of these 88 a laugh sports on your youngsters. These fun activities are a notable way to preserve your children entertained. Alert: motherhood mission! Anything type of day it is you are having, take images of all of it. Regardless of their temper or yours, snatch your telephone or digital camera and capture your toddler:

once they first awaken inside the morning. Ingesting breakfast. Lavatory training. Getting dressed for faculty. Heading out the door. Gambling with a pal. Food buying with you. Coming domestic. Naptime. Time for supper. Bath time. Bedtime. Now post them. The coolest, the horrific and the unsightly. Crying infant picture no toddler or mom is happy all of the time. However seize and treasure those moments. Not handiest will you deliver your followers a glimpse into your “each day”… but you'll examine these images and snicker, cry, smile. Take all of it in. Your children are this age as soon as. You'll not get at the moment again, for better or worse. Time flies. Cling on to those moments. They're the war-scars of motherhood. Embody them. Now breathe. The remarks you get hold of will in all likelihood be extra than simply smiley faces or thumbs up. You may see fewer little tears or mouth open emojis… and greater actual words. Mothers will unite. They'll remark. Lend guide. Percentage their personal tales and pictures. Be inspired! You are not alone. You may experience higher about yourself. A weight will be lifted. Here is what my photograph from the day past could have seemed like:

our three and 4-12 months-olds dozing in-among my husband and me, kicking my face and decrease returned almost continuously from 5-6 am. Our 3 year vintage throwing his water cup and pouring a bowl of yogurt on his head. Our three-yr vintage telling us he didn't should cross poop, then hiding behind a sofa to accomplish that in his diaper. Our 6-year-antique daughter screaming as i tried to sweep her hair before school. Reputedly i'm the worst ever at this. Our 7-12 months-old arguing over the blouse we picked for him to put on to highschool, ensuing in a brief trade earlier than running out the door. Our 3 12 months vintage hitting his sister within the head with a barbie due to the fact he desired to be the mermaid. The 3-yr vintage's tantrum within the grocery save over a cookie i wouldn't allow him have, observed with the aid of a comfort prize of gum to hold him quiet. Eyes have been on me. Said three-year-old falling asleep in the car while on a experience alongside the waterfront. He gave the look of a little angel, slept for 2 hours. Victory! One child wanted fowl for dinner. One desired handiest french fries. No takers on broccoli. Water cups were thrown. One 6-year-vintage yelling at me for in no way making what she likes. They play so pleasant together inside the bath. The laughter warms my heart. Betime bargaining begins. Just one greater show? One greater e-book? Will, you lay with me? The day ends with quiet cuddles with my 7-year-vintage…who's growing too rapid. I will miss these moments. Believe me…

if you made it thru the day, you possess the good traits it takes to be a higher mother. A happy mother. A terrific mom. You will be adequate. Dependancy #three: form a tribe i'm going to credit my expensive pal, kat, for this tip. It's based at the vintage adage of “it takes a village” to raise a infant… and it virtually does. Nowadays, that village is called a tribe. Only some people are willing to assist each other out every time they can. We have got your returned. Currently, i've 3 youngsters antique sufficient to participate in extracurricular sports. Things like taekwondo, soccer, dance, art, piano, scouts. Our calendar has some thing on it every single day of the week… however sometimes we bypass an afternoon or two. Don't choose me. If it weren't for my tribe… i would likely must bypass greater than that. What? Deprive my baby of some thing he or she may additionally excel at? Sorry, however sure. I'm able to simplest achieve this a lot. I'm now not perfect. The tribe gathers weekly to assist every different out – on the whole with carpooling and babysitting. Playdates are an advantage. One much less child to manipulate, even for just a little whilst, can make a mother sense like she's received the chore lottery. Ahh… i see a further load of laundry in your future. Or possibly a quiet shopping trip to buy new denims in peace. Fortunate you! Whilst thinking about forming your personal tribe… start with one easy query. Who do i trust with my children? My tribe consists of:

a handful of close buddies own family pals 1-3 “mothers helpers” or babysitters a small social community of like-minded mothers these humans may be known as upon, now and again on very short notice, that will help you out. Think of them as nine-1-1 responders for “momergencies”. See what i did there? You don't ought to do it all alone. With a bit of luck, you have a spouse or great other who's palms-on. That really takes a number of the burden off. Or maybe you're a unmarried mom… who i'm able to now forestall to applaud. Being a unmarried mother is one of the toughest matters all of us ever signed up for. You deserve all the reward inside the global! And you also deserve a tribe maybe extra than each person else. There is no shame in inquiring for help. Surround your self with the pleasant… and you'll be at your fine in your children. Habit #4: socialize like a child what if i were to inform you there has been a way on the way to be a terrific mom and nevertheless get your weekly exercising in, explore your inventive aspect, volunteer for a neighborhood charity, listen to live music, see a film, rock climb,  enjoy a cup of coffee and proper communication with grown-ups? And what if i were to inform you this could all be accomplished along with your kids in tow? Might you trust me? You must trust me. Proper mom creed. Preserve this in mind when times together with your kids get difficult precise mother creed one of the first-class methods to be a better mom is to have a few flexibility on your day. And one of the high-quality approaches to be an amazing mother is to incorporate a laugh sports for you and your infant into each and each day… even though only for an hour or . The household stuff can wait. Existence is short. Youth is fast! Pencil in time along with your child, just as you'll a purchaser assembly or cooking dinner. And if you actually need to make the maximum out of that hour, time table something you may each enjoy. Concentrate to your inner baby! There are such a lot of “mommy and me” sports at our disposal these days, it would be a shame not to attempt them out. Adventure is waiting! There's something for absolutely everyone and every age. You simply want to find them. Start through turning to the web. Here's a terrific listing of ideas put together by way of author, melina gerosa bellows, 21 approaches to revel in being a mother. Or maybe you need to study something new. Here are a number of my favored matters:

1. Go to a trampoline park or roller skating rink you'll burn lots of calories… and your children will tire themselves out! It's a win-win! Simply go away your inhibitions at the door. 2. Take a look at out a paint your own pottery or canvas region a number of these places have unique “mommy and me” or “infant time” every day, in which you would possibly meet other moms. Even though they don't offer this, all of them have open studio hours, where you could cross at your leisure and unleash your internal artist. Discover ways to be a good mom and a way to balance being a spouse and mother on this manual. Discover “mommy and me” activities for your vicinity and revel in the day! Three. Volunteer together with your baby visit dosomething. Org or  mommypoppins. Com and notice which kid-pleasant activities hobby you. If you have an older baby, speak your options, making them experience liable for their time. Instilling precise traits in our children at an early age will maximum in reality bring about them becoming altruistic and empathetic adults. Our international wishes more suitable humans. 4. Concentrate to tune inside the park as the weather receives hotter, many towns offer outdoor song. The nice element? It is normally unfastened. Those circle of relatives-friendly concert events are a super way to expose your child to tune other than kidz bop or the wiggles.

​now not that there is something incorrect with those… i surely quite like the wiggles. But variety is the spice of existence, and a well-rounded toddler is an thrilling one. Now not to mention, you may just get to relive your glory days as a unmarried woman belting out some 80s or 90s classics together with your girlfriends. 5. Find a pressure-in or out of doors movie venue hop within the automobile with the circle of relatives and cross. Whilst the power-ins may be a bit tough to return by way of nowadays, less expensive (now and again unfastened) out of doors films are popping up like daisies all over the us of a… particularly in the course of the summer time. Similarly to the plain attraction of looking a movie from the comfort of your very own automobile, or on a seashore, your kids are allowed to talk! In truth, it is expected. And bonus: you do not must worry approximately crouching down low when heading out for one among probably numerous lavatory breaks. 6. Locate an indoor rock climbing gym the benefits to be had from mountaineering have it rapid becoming a famous activity, for each adults and children alike. The power conditioning, especially for the top frame, is unprecedented for some thing so a laugh. And then you have the mental thing, pushing your self past your limits till you attain the top. It's a splendid lesson in in no way giving up… for each you and your youngsters. In case you do not have tons of time to investigate, or are not sure what you'd be into precisely, contemplate joining a neighborhood “mothers group”. They normally have new member conferences at least as soon as a month, which might be regularly just casual get-togethers over coffee, where they go over their listing of activities. Whether or not you join or not, you are bound to get a few fresh thoughts and maybe even make a chum or . Suppose tribe! An energetic and nicely-rounded mother makes a glad mother. A glad mother is a great mom. And happiness is contagious. Allow your youngsters see you satisfied. Dependancy #5: positioned a few personal time at the agenda humorous mother's day cool animated film mother mother exact mother proper mom #mom #motherhood #goodmother #habits #selfhelp #selfcare #parenting #figure #parents #quotes #funny this turned into always one in every of my favourite cartoons… because it's genuine. Motherhood is a 24/7 task. There aren't any ill days, no holiday days, no extra time pay, no lunch breaks. It's miles a exertions of love. And it can be thankless. As supportive as your partner or childless pals may try to be in relation to your daily habitual… they can by no means genuinely recognize till they enjoy it. And to be honest, the bond among a mom and her toddler does not examine to that of a father and baby. It simply would not. Ask yourself…

while my child is sick, who do they want? While my baby has a nightmare, who do they run to? When my child is hungry, who do they ask to lead them to something while my infant can't discover their preferred shirt, who knows where to appearance? Possibilities are, your answer to all of those questions is “mother”. Unless you aren't around, the answer is “mother”. It is the fact. As i grew older and became a mother for the primary time, it hit me… dads are type of like alternative teachers. While mom is not available (which is sort of never), they're a great alternative! They may be succesful and charming. They may be truely fun and lenient. They have got this… if they ought to. Till mom comes again. Now…

one in all two things goes via your head at this very moment. I've bowled over and offended you… so that you're going to forestall reading i have given you a terrific snort… and you feel just a wee bit responsible for it my money is on #2. Don't get me incorrect…

i like my husband. He's an brilliant father and really concerned with the kids. My children adore their father. He makes them sense safe and they appreciate him. Discover ways to be an excellent mother and how to be an excellent dad and mom. Dads are form of like alternative instructors. They may be certainly a laugh and lenient. They've got this… if they ought to. Till mother comes lower back. In truth, i'm regularly jealous that he gets to do more of the amusing matters with them. He receives to return home from work and roll round at the ground with our sons, play dolls with our daughters, instruct their soccer group…. He is achieved with work for the day and is all about them. It is exquisite. Virtually. The laughter in the house whilst my husband gets home is track to my ears… and makes doing my “task” a touch less difficult. Nonetheless, i wouldn't mind switching locations from time to time. Would you? In the end, being a great mother approach that you are by no means definitely “off the clock”. You still need to get dinner on the desk, pick up toys, do the dishes, fold one extra load of laundry… all earlier than putting them to mattress. It is laborious. You're exhausted. You deserve a break. And you shouldn't sense responsible for inquiring for one. Flip in your partner, your companion, your mother, a pal, a neighbor… your tribe. Ask them to watch the children for a couple of hours so you can try out a yoga class, have dinner with a chum, walk across the mall and window shop, move for a motorbike ride, take a sleep. Or simply sit down on a park bench and play sweet crush. It doesn't remember what you do, simply go. A part of getting to know the way to be an amazing mother is knowing that you want a smash. A brief break from your kids doesn't suggest you like them any much less. In truth, it is due to the fact you love them that you need a smash. Run! I'm critical. Perhaps you want to head for a run? You could laugh. That became funny. You want to recharge your batteries. Go into your head and close the whole lot off for just some time. Or as a minimum attempt to. Taking care of your thoughts and frame will make you a better mom. Mediation and relaxation are first rate ways to retain recognition and center your self. It enables placed matters into perspective. If you're uncertain of the way to do that, or simply leery, try any such great apps you could get to your smartphone. They may be positive to help you get into the proper kingdom of mind. Mental clarity ends in making better choices. It is as simple as that. And exercising is tested to raise your temper, fight infection, and improve sleep… among other matters. The endorphins will preserve you going for hours! In case you do not accept as true with me, take a look at this out… however come again! We are almost finished here. The advantages of mediation and workout will depart your feeling organized for anything motherhood throws your way that day. I assure it. Plus, you will be a happier mother whilst you go back domestic… and this is something your children (and partner) will admire. Habit #6: time table a “date night” before the youngsters… there has been courtship. Swooning. Past due night time conversations. Quiet food in fancy eating places. This was dating. You loved it. In truth, you cherished it so much that you met a person to have a infant with. And if you have been fortunate sufficient to really marry that man or woman, the children are a reminder of that love each and every day. But here's the twist. You need to sustain that love. Striking onto the reminiscence of love and a laugh times collectively is not enough. You want to certainly display your spouse, each day, which you love him. You loved him first. Every so often it is easy to get stuck up within the beautiful chaos this is raising children. But you can not wander away in it. You loved him first. You still love him. Research have shown that kids raised in a domestic with two loving parents advantage appreciably from this. A few of the many advantages of developing up in a two-figure family, your kids may have a better chance of forming successful relationships in their own at some point of their life… each for my part and professionally. Part of getting to know the way to be a terrific mother is showing your children that they have  loving mother and father. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up within the stunning chaos this is elevating kids. You need to clearly show your spouse, every day, that you love him. Moves communicate louder than words. Kids, specially younger ones, are more likely to bear in mind “snapshots” from their early adolescence than phrases. If they see you and your partner being affectionate and worrying towards one another, they may deliver that with them. They may feel safe and loved because of the way you have interaction with every different. Display them which you are excellent buddies. Now inform them that you're going on a playdate with each different. Kids can relate. Begin slow:

placed one “date night time” in keeping with month at the calendar, however do at least 3 months at a time so that you're not inclined to bypass it the next month (if you can pull off two times a month… you move, woman!). Relaxed a babysitter for all of those nights proper away

take turns making plans the date together with your spouse, leave a laugh recommendations or clues to make it a surprise

do no longer check your cellphone on the date, set it to do no longer disturb. Only the babysitter wishes to recognise in which you're in case of emergency and might name the actual venue if want be. Do one spontaneous issue on the date

do no longer communicate approximately the youngsters as soon as the date has commenced. If you feel the urge, speak them within the vehicle or uber earlier than you get to wherein you are going. Reminisce. The point of date night is to recall why it's miles you fell in love… and to test in with each other so that the affection does not wander off within the aggravating daily. The youngsters will nevertheless be there whilst you get domestic. Dependancy #7: it's ok to have a bad “mother” day you are the first teacher your baby has. Lead by using instance. You can not always succeed, but do your exceptional to:

in no way argue with a cherished one in the front of the youngsters. Communicate in your children like you'll an person (is reasonably). Be affectionate. Yell constructively. Never go to mattress disillusioned. Spend a few minutes unwinding every night. There are days while you may succeed in doing all of this stuff. There are days you will not. Similar to a terrible “hair” day, you will have bad “mom” days… and it is good enough. Do not beat your self up. Nobody is ideal. Mother overwhelm quote awful day does not  identical a awful mom sensible phrases to do not forget whilst motherhood receives difficult just like a awful “hair” day, you will have terrible “mom” days… and it's ok. However we will all aspire to be “flawlessly imperfect”. This essentially approach spotting while you're wrong and doing all of your best to accurate it. Positive, you could bicker together with your accomplice in the front of the kids. But, there's usually a manner to hold it friendly and productive. In our residence, if my husband and that i are caught having a silly argument, we make it a factor to give an explanation for to our kids why each of us is upset and draw a assessment to some thing they can relate to. Here's an instance…

me: “mommy is aggravated at daddy due to the fact he left me with one square of lavatory paper rather than converting the roll.”

husband: “daddy failed to need to waste the bathroom paper.”

me: “consider your brother drank a big glass of orange juice and handiest left sufficient so that it will have one sip. Might you be dissatisfied?”

toddler: “sure”. Me: “but you will forgive him due to the fact he didn't understand how an awful lot become left. He became simply filling his glass up due to the fact he was thirsty. He wasn't looking to be suggest.”

this easy speak, comparing what we have been dissatisfied about to some thing our toddler can recognize, is a good way to let them know that mommy and daddy will be high-quality. The whole lot is excellent. Regardless of how rough a day has been, you can in no way hug and kiss your baby too much. Real presentations of love lead to well-rounded youngsters with more shallowness. According to an editorial from figure co., affection can cross a whole lot in addition than yelling when seeking to get through in your child. Plus, it simply plain feels suitable. There may be a time and vicinity for the whole lot. And there will be instances you'll need to yell at your toddler… when hugs just may not do. Newsflash! Yelling does not make you a bad mother. The use of demeaning language does. A part of learning how to be a great mother is understanding that yelling does no longer make you a awful mom. There could be times you are going to should yell at your child. That does not make you a terrible mom. But the use of demeaning language does. Phrases can harm. They may be also harder to forget about, that's why you need to pick them carefully while scolding a infant. Glaringly, if your little one is about to run into the street, you must yell first! Then hug them. Once you've got all calmed down, provide an explanation for to them that there are very critical effects available from strolling into the street. What if a vehicle have been coming? In case your infant smacks any other child within the face, it is perfectly appropriate to raise your voice and say, “no!” then possibly put them in “time out” – whether or not that be a chair or a corner, their room, and so on…. However, if your toddler throws his food at the ground throughout dinner, this can not warrant yelling as a whole lot as a stern appearance and, “no greater food for you this night.”

risk! In case you threaten your child with a punishment… be organized to commit to that punishment if they don't heed your warning. Sticking through your words is a huge play in the motherhood game. You do not want your youngsters now not to take you severely whilst the time comes. Empty threats may want to actually backfire, mainly as they get older. You may lose credibility after which probably become frustrated. Frustration can cause pronouncing belongings you don't imply. Tread gently. Whether or not you're yelling, or just threatening punishment, there's a manner to be positive about it. Each time i've yelled at my youngsters, i made a factor to go returned as soon as i'm calm and give an explanation for to them why i used to be so upset and lost my mood. There may be technique in your madness. When scolding a infant, d​​​​o use phrases and terms like:

no! Forestall! Why did you do this? Do not do this! What are you doing? How ought to you? What had been you questioning? Don't use words and phrases like:

that became stupid! You are stupid! Are you an idiot? I cannot stand you! I'm so tired of you! You are the worst! You may be questioning that you'd by no means say these things to a baby, however rage can be a elaborate issue. Do not maintain your emotions bottled up! Think about the sound a tea kettle makes while the water is beginning to boil. Imagine that is you preserving in your anger, your blood stress rising. Feelings can sneak up on you. So make it a factor to talk your feelings constructively before it receives to the point where you are saying some thing you regret. Learn how to be a happy mom and a way to be an awesome mom. Do no longer maintain your emotions bottled up! Feelings can sneak up on you. By no means go to mattress angry! One of the maximum important matters you can do to turn a terrible day round is to make amends earlier than bed. Make their bedroom a “no negativity area”. Talk flippantly and undoubtedly together with your infant. Toughen one true component that came about to you, or something exceptional that they did, at some point of the day. Locate the silver lining in a difficult day. Smother them with hugs and kisses, wish them candy dreams. Inform them you adore them. Usually. Then take a stroll in your favourite room inside the residence, have a seat, and unwind. Perhaps which means beginning a book you have been trying to finish. Maybe it is having a tumbler of wine and a chunk of chocolate along with your husband. Maybe it is checking your fb web page. Maybe it's catching up on a display you've had dvr'd for weeks. Anything you want to do to relaxation, mirror and recharge. Tomorrow is some other day. Giving a proper good-bye to this one earlier than mattress will result in a higher night's sleep… and a higher night time's sleep will make you a better mom. A glad mother. A terrific mother. A mom who wakes up inside the morning with a smile on her face, confident she's prepared to tackle the day! You have got this! However earlier than i go away you…

mark my words: you already know the way to be a good mom! A massive part of it's miles following your instincts. And, of route, loving your infant unconditionally facilitates. However in case you keep those 7 habits tucked away on your brain, you may be armed with all which you need to stand something comes. Afterall… motherhood, like existence, is unpredictable. What works for you one day, may not the following. Routines exchange, people exchange, conditions trade. Just roll with it! Consider in yourself. Make use of the net sources available to you. Ask for assist. Make time for a touch a laugh. Make time for yourself. Reward your self. Make time for romance. Allow your self off the hook whilst matters don’t pass as deliberate. Motherhood is an experience in contrast to any other. And even as you chose this route… realize that it also selected you. The sooner you permit your self to accept the best with the bad, the sooner you may start to sense like a better mom. The minute you let pass of any negativity or guilt, you will become a satisfied mom. Realize your limitations. Permit your self to be human, fallible. Study from every day. This is the way to be a good mother. What do you believe you studied it takes to be a great mother? ​so what are your thoughts at the conduct had to be an excellent mother? Do you accept as true with this listing, or disagree? What are your favorite conduct of motherhood?

[popatochisssp]

Hi, I love all your headcannons about the boys in a relationship. But they got me wondering, since no relationship is totally perfect, what might be some negative traits the boys have, things they do, or just behaviors in general that could put a strain on the relationship or might need to be talked out to continue?

Oh, I’m glad you asked because you’re right, they’re not perfect at all! There’s lots of habits and quirks they all have, but that’s too subjective– a habit that might bug one person could be totally fine by another!– so we’ll go with our boys’ biggest flaws in a relationship! >:3

*Especially important for the ‘fell and horror universe boys, I’ll be taking a ‘fresh out of the Underground’ lens on this, not accounting for any potential Surface growth or therapy that could take place and ameliorate some of these things!*

Sans (Undertale): He is lazy. So, so lazy. Surely, this isn’t much of a surprise to anyone, but you can imagine how it could be an annoying trait in your partner– he’s never going to do a chore or go out of his way to take care of something for you, and he’s an all-around pro at ducking responsibility. It also means that if he doesn’t already care about something, trying to spark an investment from him is…kinda impossibly unlikely, which can definitely be frustrating for his s/o!

Papyrus (Undertale): It’s not intentional, but he has a tendency to be pushy. He’s enthusiastic and has some pretty firm convictions and so sometimes, entirely without meaning to, he’ll steamroll right over his s/o and what they might want. It can hurt his s/o’s feelings to be talked over and spoken for before they can put their two cents in, but it just doesn’t always occur to him that people might have perspectives different than his own. His s/o has to be able to assert themselves when they really don’t want to do something and aren’t just being playfully shy or stubborn about it, or they might end up peer-pressured into stuff a lot.

Sky (Underswap Sans): Do you like your personal space? Want some significant amounts of time by yourself? Then you’re going to struggle if you’re Sky’s s/o because he can get very clingy. It comes from a good place, he’s a very social guy and if his s/o is his favorite person, then of course their company is going to be his favorite, too! He wants to spend a ton of time with them, whether they’re doing something together or not, and he’s hard to shake with off-the-cuff excuses about why his s/o can’t hang out with him: he’ll know they’re lying and think that something might be wrong and then he’s definitely not going anywhere. If his s/o can’t figure out how to tell him, on a regular basis and without hurting his feelings, that they need space from him to decompress, they’re going to end up exhausted.

Paps (Underswap Papyrus): He’s stubborn. It’s rare for him to make firm judgments on something one way or the other, but once he has, that’s pretty much it. He’ll really dig his heels in if his s/o tries to change his mind, too, and it takes a long time and a lot of arguing about whatever it is to even get him to consider changing his opinion. For his s/o, it probably feels like they’re banging their head against a brick wall, like he’s not even listening to what they’re saying and they can very easily end up feeling disrespected by this immovable object of a skeleton.

Jasper (Underfell Sans): He’s too closed off. It’s self-protective–he’d be a shaking, emotional wreck after the Underground if he’d let just anybody in close enough to see him vulnerable and open himself up to getting hurt–but it can turn around and be a very painful, hurtful thing for his s/o to deal with. When he’s going through something, his first instinct is always to hide it until it blows over so his s/o never even knows he was struggling. They’ll undoubtedly catch hints from time to time that maybe Jasper needs support, but he always hesitates to let them in, and they can’t do anything as long as they’re stuck on the outside of his emotional walls. It’s a very bad feeling thinking your loved one doesn’t trust you enough to let you help and he’ll need a lot of time and love and trust to make even a little progress at this.

Pyre (Underfell Papyrus): Another one that shouldn’t be surprising, but he’s arrogant. He has a pretty big ego and he never easily accepts it when he may have been wrong, blustering and convoluting until it seems like he was right all along– the equivalent of a cat falling off a counter and acting like they meant to do it. He may also condescend a lot to his s/o and fall into an Underground-developed habit of treating them as an underling or an accessory more than a loved one. It’s instinctive and would probably have kept them safe from opportunist monsters if they were back down there, but on the Surface it can get incredibly tiring and even hurtful for his s/o to cater to that kind of ego all the time. If he catches their patience running out and he sees them rolling their eyes or making a snarky comment in exasperation at his narcissism, well, he’s probably going to get upset about it and the two of them will have a fight. He has a lot of acclimating to do to this relatively peaceful world where relationships can be equal without also being a weakness.

Mal (Swapfell Sans): This guy’s the definition of ‘trust issues.’ He can be downright problematically invasive and probing about…pretty much everything, if given a reason to be. It’s not an s/o-specific thing, he’s like that with everybody, but his s/o will probably (and absolutely should) take issue with how little respect he has for privacy. It’s his lingering paranoia from the Underground keeping him constantly alert for backstabbers and betrayers, so if someone as close to him as his partner starts acting secretive around him, he has to investigate. It may be innocent, like a surprise party for his birthday or something, but until he finds out what’s up, there isn’t much that’s off the table: he’ll cyberstalk social media for information, discreetly follow them in real life if they go out unexpectedly, and if they leave their phone with him unattended and unlocked, he’s definitely skimming through some recent messages, just to be sure. He’s not a bad person, he just has some very bad (survival-based) habits. The only saving grace is that his s/o probably won’t find out he sometimes does this stuff because he’s careful, but that doesn’t make it cool and he won’t really stop until he truly, fully trusts his s/o–and that’s a long time coming after everything he’s been through.

Rus (Swapfell Papyrus): Rus cannot have an argument to save his life. He’s not what you’d call a pacifist, not entirely accurately at least– he’s been in his fair share of fights Underground, after all, and he’d fight again if his life was on the line– but he doesn’t like conflict or anything resembling it. It sounds like a good thing on paper because his s/o automatically wins any disagreement that looks like it could turn into a fight, but it’s so terrible in practice for maintaining a healthy relationship. He’ll go along with anything his s/o wants to avoid the conflict, even if it might make him unhappy because he doesn’t want them to be upset at him. It’s also at least 90% conciliatory and if it was about a behavior of his, there’s a very high chance that nothing will actually change, but he’ll nod and agree and promise to do things differently just to keep the argument from happening and then…not, actually. The idea of a constructive or helpful argument is entirely foreign to him, those didn’t exist where he came from and he just wants things to be cool, he’ll say whatever he’s gotta say to make it be cool. His s/o can build up a lot of frustration and unhappiness from that if they can’t convince him to learn some better communication strategies.

Slate (Horrortale Sans): Obviously, it’s not his fault, but he’s forgetful. He generally remembers the big stuff and he does better when something feels important as it’s happening, but as a rule his level of recall is hit or miss. He’s bad at remembering birthdays and other important dates and if he forgets to write a reminder to himself about it, he’s just not going to be there for whatever his s/o needed. It can be hard for an s/o who isn’t prepared to take on so much of the mental load in a relationship without much guarantee of help, especially because they can’t get mad at him for it, not in good conscience, anyway– he didn’t ask for the giant hole in his skull, he’d love a reliable memory as much as they would! He’ll do his best to retain as much as he can, but even with notes and reminders, a lot of things his s/o tells him just get lost to the void and that’s a hard thing to be okay with right away.

Papy (Horrortale Papyrus): He’s…maybe a tad too flippant about things. It’s a defense mechanism he developed Underground, a sort of gallows humor that he relied on to keep his generally upbeat attitude when monsters had to resort to eating humans and each other to stay alive, and even that wasn’t sustainable and there was a very real possibility that his entire species could go extinct in a matter of years, if not months. It was dark times and he couldn’t let himself get invested in every little thing! …but it’s also probably a little disturbing for his s/o when he, say, breaks a bone and only uses a silly, made-up curse word like, “Oh, Sugarbeans, That’s Inconvenient, Isn’t It!” or they hear the extreme, casual frankness he’ll use to discuss even graphic gore and violence like it doesn’t faze him. It’s a little sociopathic, honestly, and his s/o will probably have a lot of moments where they just don’t know how they’re supposed to respond when they see this unnervingly light attitude in their otherwise loving, gentle partner.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand now I feel a little guilty for all this trash-talking of my boys, so expect another headcanon post soon-ish, pro bono– just like this one, but about their virtues in a relationship instead of just their vices.

They are good boys who would be delightful partners in spite of these pitfalls, I promise! XD

[blooblooded]

Prospas family reunion

Over the 23 years of his life, Romeo Prospas had grown accustomed to being alone. Since childhood, he had never had any friends, save for a brief 9 month period in high school. At 8, his eldest brother had been incarcerated. At 17, his youngest brother had disappeared, presumably dead. That same year, his bodyguard Ajax had been reassigned and Rome grew used to spending most of his waking hours by himself, in his room. It wasn’t all bad-- when there were no people around, he had less reason to feel scared all the time. Only now, he had started to have people in his life again.

He wasn’t sure how much he liked it.

The last 3 years had been characterized by constant change. Now he shared his home with Ajax, his eldest brother Ben, and Ben’s friend Marshall Singh. They weren’t the worst company. For the most part, they were mindful of his needs and cleaned up after themselves, and that was all he could really ask for.

11:30 at night and Rome found himself paralyzed by anxiety, his heart beating a frantic rhythm in his chest. This was it, he thought. This was how he was going to die. He was going to have a heart attack for no reason, and in the morning, AJ would find his body and be devastated. There was no reason for him to be feeling anxious, he was by himself in his library and the house was quiet. Still, he trembled and sweat began to soak his nice black silk pajamas.

It was hard for him to breathe. Rome started to wheeze, breathing faster than he usually did on account of the tightness in his chest. He clenched his teeth so hard that his jaw hurt.

Rome pulled himself out of his armchair where he had been reading after much effort and made his way to the kitchen so that he could pour himself a glass of wine, which was the only thing that helped his fits. Lately he had been feeling judged about his drinking habits, after Mr. Singh made a comment about it, but luckily Mr. Singh was the sort of healthy person who went to bed at 9:00 and woke up at 5:00.

Not Rome. He had never been able to sleep through the nights and lately it was only getting worse. If he was lucky, he got 4 hours a night after hours of tossing and turning. He pulled at the collar of his pajamas, worried that his sweat was ruining them.

He walked into his large, white, comforting kitchen and froze when he saw his brother sitting at the table.

Ben’s body was nothing like his. He was strong and muscular, always so careful to eat healthy. Ben dressed in comfortable clothing, he wore blue flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt with his church’s blood red logo on it. When he saw his brother, he smiled at him, not in the awkward tight-lipped smile that Rome had, but a genuine one that showed all his sharp teeth. There was a light in Ben’s face. “Hey Ro,” he said, in a voice much deeper than his brother’s. “How’s it going? You hungry?”

“I think I’m dying,” said Rome, trembling in the doorway. “I think I’m having a heart attack.”

“What?”

“My heart is beating really fast right now, I think I might be having a heart attack.” Telling himself that he did not care if Ben judged him, he walked to the cupboard, selected a bottle of wine, and poured it into a glass. A little of it spilled and Rome felt himself get nauseous at the thought of his laborious cleaning process. “My chest is tight, I can hardly breathe.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be drinking.” Ben closed the religious booklet he was reading. Always with the stupid cultist stuff. “If you think you’re having a heart attack, that is.”

Rome shot him a hateful look and took a long sip. At once, his nerves were calmed but he still felt shaky. He started to pace as he drank.

“Whatever,” said Ben, irritatingly calm. Rome remembered the times Ben had pushed him down the stairs and locked him in cupboards when they were little. He had changed a lot since then, he had worked on himself a lot, but was still not entirely trustworthy, especially with the blood magic he practiced. It seemed like Ben was always on the verge of losing his temper, but was good at hiding it with the techniques Mr. Singh had taught him.

Back and forth and back and forth. Rome kept pacing around the kitchen until his breathing returned to normal. It was the other thing that really helped him when he got like this, he had to dispel his nervous energy. He finished his glass and poured another.

Soon he was feeling better and was proud of himself. He knew how to take care of himself. This was how he did it, and maybe it was different than what Ben or Mr. Singh did, but it still worked. He wasn’t going to die, of course he wasn’t going to die. He was just sick. He had anxiety. No wonder he had anxiety, after all the years of his dad smacking him around. Ben had no room to judge him, after all, Ben had been able to get away from the violence in their home, he never had to deal with the worst of it like Rome had. Like poor Valentine had, since their father had undoubtedly hit him too hard one day and decided to cover it up.

“What are you reading?” asked Rome, growing warmer and more talkative as he drank on an empty stomach and no sleep. 

“I thought you said you were dying a minute ago,” said Ben flatly. He had tied his long dreadlocks up on top of his head in a bun. “You know, Mr. Singh is right, you need therapy. And like, medication.”

That hurt, to know that they were talking about him behind his back. Anger flared up hot in Rome’s belly. It was not an emotion he was well acquainted with. His grip tightened on his wine glass. “How dare--”

Something crashed upstairs. Rome yelped at the unexpected noise and dropped his glass as he threw his hands up as if to protect himself. The glass shattered on the floor and splashed his slippers with wine.

For a second, the brothers stared at each other with their matching golden eyes.

Rome began to shiver violently and his heart rate skyrocketed back up. He stepped closer to Ben, his presence now a comfort. “What was that?”

“That was probably AJ tripping over something on the way to the bathroom, breaking it, and being too scared to say anything because he knows you’ll lose your mind and scream at him,” said Ben, whose broad face looked more concerned than scared. “Hey, you got glass on--”

“Someone is breaking in and robbing us! Go up there!” Rome was back to feeling like he was going to die. Somebody had broken into their house with a gun and was probably planning on murdering all of them. They had so many enemies! It could be any of them, it could be Agapama, of course it was, he had always hated Rome, he had always been jealous of his success at such a young age! And now he had sent goons to kill him!

“You’re crazy. Who would be stupid enough to break into our house? It’s AJ or Mr. Singh.”

“Ben!” Rome said hysterically, grabbing at his brother’s arm only to get swatted away. “Go up there!”

“You go up there.���

“Ben!!!”

“I’m not going up there. You go up there so you can see that you’ve been overreacting as usual. Mr. Singh says it’s important to face your fears.”

In that moment, Rome could have killed him. Gingerly stepping around the broken glass, he took a knife from it’s drawer. Ben laughed at him and rolled his eyes. “Are you at least going to help me if there’s a burglar? I’m being serious!”

“Just scream,” said Ben, his voice oozing with sarcasm. Rome thought about stabbing him. “If there’s a burglar, AJ will hear you before I do and bash their head in, why are you so freaked out?”

If there was someone upstairs, there was no way AJ would be able to get there before they shot Rome. Or stabbed him. Or used dark magic to rip his guts out. He held the knife with both hands and crept out of the kitchen, Ben still laughing at him as he went.

He hated that this was the only family member he had. 

As he snuck up the stairs, Rome kept wondering if he was going to faint. He couldn’t let himself faint. The more he thought about it, the dizzier he became, it was always like that for his psychosomatic symptoms. Once his entire body had broken out in hives from stress alone. It wasn’t fair. Ben never had to deal with anything like he did.

It was easy for him to walk quietly, he did it out of habit since childhood, since his father would get terrible migraines and get mad at the slightest noise. The lights were all off in the upstairs hall, except for the light in the bathroom. A small amount of relief came over him. Ben was probably right, he was probably about to give Ajax the worst scare of his life when he appeared suddenly in the doorway holding a knife.

After all, what kind of person broke into a house only to go into the bathroom?

He could hear water rushing out of the sink. The door was closed. Rome paused for a second at the door, clutching the knife to his chest, then swung it open.

The person in the bathroom was not AJ. The person in the bathroom was not Mr. Singh. It was a teenage boy in filthy sweatpants and a grey T-shirt, scrubbing his face in the sink. 

Rome’s body went rigid and his blood went cold. His trauma response had always been to freeze, and it had never served him.

Startled by the door opening, the boy spun so that he was facing Rome instead of the mirror. He was black, young, his face was wild. The front of his shirt was covered in blood. In the light, his eyes almost looked yellow, and they were wide and crazed, the eyes of somebody desperate. He put up his hands in the universal symbol that he was unarmed, but his body language spoke of potential violence.

This was when he was supposed to scream, but Rome was too shocked to even make a sound.

“Hey,” said the boy, in a nasally, lisping tone. He eyed the knife and made a small movement towards Rome. “Don’t be scared. You don’t need to be scared! I didn’t know, uh, I didn’t know anyone was awake! This is kind of important though, so I couldn’t just knock on your front door. Do you want to put down that knife so we can talk?”

“AJ,” whispered Rome, unable to fill his lungs with air. The stranger took another little step towards him.

“I don’t want to hurt you, put down the knife.” The stranger had an unnatural smile, his lips pressed together, no friendliness in his eyes. He could not have been older than 18 but the way he carried himself was practiced and threatening. “You don’t understand what I’ve been through today, you just don’t understand at all, you need to put down the knife now.”

He was getting too close. Rome’s stomach lurched and he jerked forward to try and stab the intruder.

The stranger easily swerved out of the knife’s path. He caught Rome’s wrist with one hand, squeezed it hard so that he dropped the weapon, then twisted his arm behind his back. When Rome struggled, his arm was yanked up hard until he stopped.

This was similar to too many scenes from his childhood. He was not a fighter, when somebody grabbed him or tried to hit him, Rome’s reaction was always to go still and limp. In his experience, this ended nasty situations much faster than fighting back. Nowadays, he did not need to fight, he had AJ to do that for him. He became dizzy at the touch of another person. The strange teenager paused as if considering something, then squeezed Rome’s wrist hard.

“You don’t need to feel scared. Your pulse is going crazy right now.” The intruder bent to pick up the knife. Rome could not see his face, but could feel how strong he was despite his small frame. “I meant it when I don’t want to hurt you. I used to watch you all the time on TV when they let us watch the news; I remember the first time I saw you. I was 15. Smiles said I was being stupid, he always said I was stupid,  but I knew the second that I saw your face. Whenever I felt hurt or scared, I’d just think of you and feel less alone.”

Rome continued to shake, suddenly unable to control his breathing which accelerated at an alarming rate. 

The intruder let go of Rome’s arm and made him turn around so that they could look at each other. He smelled unclean, sweaty and dirty. It wasn’t just the light, the boy’s eyes were yellow. His clear, pretty face marked him as an Artificial. Rome started to wheeze, his body recognizing this person before his mind did. 

“Why are you freaking out?” asked the intruder. He still held the knife in his right hand, a silent reminder of how easily he could kill him if he wanted to. “Are you always like this? Why are you breathing funny? Do you know me? I don’t remember you but I know that I know you, I know that I’m right, I have to be right. There’s-- this is it for me. I’m--”

It was all too much to deal with. Rome tried to inhale so that he could scream for AJ but his lungs would not expand.

Luckily, he did not need to scream for help.

The lights in the bathroom flickered. All of a sudden, the yellow eyed intruder made a sound like he was in pain and clots of blood began to come out of his nose. His fingers let go of the kitchen knife, which fell to the floor again. He appeared to be trying to put a hand to his face to stop the blood but strained to move an inch.

Ben’s big body appeared in the bathroom doorway and for the first time, Rome was glad for his brother’s protective presence. He backed towards him and squeezed out into the hallway so that he could stand behind him. “What’s going on here?” Ben asked mildly, his own blood bright on his forearm where he had cut himself to use his blood magic. “You good, Ro?” He made a flicking motion with his fingers and the knife on the floor slid out of the bathroom and into the hallway.

Words would still not come out of his mouth, all he could really manage was “Mmm.” Down the hall, he could see the light in AJ’s room turn on.

The stranger wobbled. Ben clenched his fist and little blood vessels burst in his eyes.

“Should I kill this guy?” asked Ben. “Did he threaten you?”

Rome grabbed a fistful of his brother’s T-shirt. His heart pounded.

With enormous effort, the intruder braced himself against the bathroom sink. He smiled, which was more him baring his own sharp teeth than anything else. Seeing that made Rome wonder if he was about to hyperventilate as he was faced with the overwhelming evidence that the dead could come back to life. “Blood magic?!” the kid exclaimed. “Blood magic?! What makes you think you--”

Ben used his index finger to smear his own blood in a straight line down his arm. The intruder dropped to his hands and knees as arcane forces took control of his body.

So this was what it was like to have a big brother. It was like having a bodyguard that you didn’t have to pay. Rome could hear AJ scuffling to pull his clothes on and cursing from his room.

“What made you think you could break into our house without getting killed?” Ben asked, still using that pleasant, calm voice that betrayed his true impulse: he wanted to hurt someone. People who are too calm like that always do, they always hid their true nature beneath masks. Underneath that mask, Ben was still the child who had entertained himself by pushing his little brother down the stairs. “You must be stupid. Do you even know who this is? Did you really think you could come after a Prospas without dying?”

Blood dripped from the kid’s nose and mouth as Ben hurt him without even touching him. Again, he attempted to fight it and raise himself but was unable to. A high, whining noise came from inside his throat, the only thing he could manage.

“Who are you?” asked Ben, smearing more of his own blood into a symbol on his hand. “What do you want?”

Rome tugged on his brother’s shirt, half frozen himself. “Ben,” he said in a strangled whisper.

Ben touched his forefinger to his thumb. “Tell us what you thought was going to happen when you broke into our home!”

With enormous effort, the intruder lifted himself so that he was sitting on his knees before them. With his bloody face and wide wet eyes, he no longer appeared to be a threat, only small and young and vulnerable. Now the resemblance between him and them was unmistakable, only Ben couldn’t see it, of course Ben couldn’t see it, he had never really been there. “Stop hurting me, I’m just-- I just wanted to come home! I wanted to come home! Stop hurting me! Stop hurting me, I didn’t want it to be like this!!”

The last time Rome had seen this person, 6 years ago, he had heard almost the exact thing come out of his mouth. Memories of that came flooding back to him, memories of his own childish fear and memories of the twisted gratitude that somebody else was on the receiving end of his father’s temper. He didn’t say anything back then but knew he had to say something now.

The air hummed with static and smelled like the aftermath of a flash of lightning. Ben’s dreadlocks began to float. “You thought you could try to hurt my brother,” he said. The stranger made that horrible high pitched whine of pain and fear as the blood magic twisted the things inside of him.

With enormous effort, Rome took a deep breath. Every stupid thing Marshall Singh has said to him about controlling his anxiety came rushing back to him. It was only fear. It was only fear. He was the one in control, he was the one who could push through it. He filled his lungs and yanked hard on Ben’s shirt. “Stop, stop it,” he said, and his own voice seemed like it was coming from far away. “Ben, stop, that’s our brother.”

Ben dropped his hands at once. In the silence of the second that followed, all that could be heard was the kid wheezing and the drip drip drip of Ben’s blood hitting the tiled floor. He turned to face Rome, his face blank and confused. “What?” he asked in a near whisper.

But Rome did not need to answer him. At that moment, AJ crashed out of his bedroom. His hair hung wild around his shoulders and he wore only his boxer shorts and a bathrobe clumsily tied around the middle. The first thing that he had done was grab his knuckle dusters, it was always the first thing he went to. AJ’s impulse had always been to protect, for better or for worse. He put one hand on Rome’s shoulder as if to shield him.

“Yelling,” he said, blearily, half asleep. “Are you OK, Rome? I heard yelling, what’s going--” When he saw the young man crouched before him on the bathroom floor, he froze as if he had been turned to stone. His eyes bulged, his mouth fell open stupidly.

Ben stared at Rome, waiting for guidance. Waiting for anything. The stranger-- not really a stranger though, not really-- sniffled and wiped the blood away from his nose. Despite the pain, he had already positioned his body back into a defensive position.

Words wanted to come out but they would not form in his mouth. Rome was still so anxious he could hardly breathe, but AJ’s stolid presence calmed him. It always had. He was safe. He inhaled again, and on the exhale, he just said, “Valentine.” It was a stupid thing to say, but it was the only thing he could manage in that moment. “That’s Valentine.”

In shock and terror at seeing the dead come back to life, Ajax clutched his own hair. “No,” he said. “No, no. He’s dead.”

He was dead. He had been dead for 6 years. One day Valentine had been there and the next he had not. Rome had never asked questions and he had never looked for answers-- he had still been half a child himself back then. Isolated and frightened, what could he have done back then? Call the police? It would have just gotten him into trouble with his dad, something that he would have done anything to avoid. At 17 years old, he had immediately accepted that something very sad had happened to another one of his family members, and that reality had satisfied him enough. Why would he have worried himself over thinking about what had happened to Valentine back then? Rome had himself to worry about.

No. The person who had really worried-- the person who had really paid for what had happened-- was AJ. AJ had been the one who had to live with the guilt of being unable to keep a child safe.

“Is he gonna use blood magic again?” asked Valentine, warily moving up from his crouch and eyeing Ben. He still had his arms held in front of him to protect himself, and did not approach his brothers. Instead, he shoved himself back against the sink so that there would be more space between them. “I can’t-- don’t do that again.”

AJ was shaking his head. “No. No, no. This isn’t real. I looked for him. You don’t understand how long I looked for him, how long your dad looked for him. This isn’t real.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m for real,” replied Valentine, and even his voice was the same. “Who are you?”

“Oh, God.” Now, AJ started to breathe in the same hitching, hiccupping way that Rome did when he had panic attacks. He stumbled back a step into the hall, dropping his knuckle dusters.

Dead people were supposed to stay dead. Rome forced his brain to calm down and try to work.

“What is going on?” asked Ben, and every ounce of the solid, protective elder brother part of him had left his face. Instead, he appeared lost and confused. Confronted with the existence of a person who he thought was dead, a person who he had only really known as an infant, he had lost his authority and was looking to Rome for answers. “Did you know about this?”

Why was it so hard for him to pull himself together? To calm his anxiety? Rome wanted a drink, but couldn’t exactly leave the situation to go get one. He took a deep breath, the way Mr. Singh was always telling him to, so that more oxygen could get to his brain. He was the one in control here. AJ was no use, overcome with emotions, and Ben was clueless. He was the one in charge, just like he always had been. He had never wanted to be in charge and was ill-suited for it, but there he was.

Now AJ was pacing. It made Rome nervous. He kept one hand holding onto Ben’s t-shirt, and looked at the kid who had broken into his house.

“Where did you come from?” he asked, forcing his voice to be normal.

Valentine kept himself pressed up against the sink so that he was as far away from Ben and Rome as possible. Now he was smiling again, but his eyes did not have any love or trust in them. It was like he was waiting to be attacked. “Are you gonna let me come out of this bathroom? I don’t like being trapped in here. I think you guys should stop standing in the door.”

“Where did you come from?”

“Well, I was in the sewers, so that’s why I smell like shit. Before that, I was at school.”

Sewers. Germs. Usually that would send Rome into a meltdown, but there were more important things to worry about than his clean floors.

“Oh, God.” AJ kept pacing back and forth with his hands clutching his long hair, unable to process or accept what was happening.

“You were at school?” Rome repeated flatly, unbelieving. All his morose feelings for Valentine had started to be replaced by his memories of how even as a child, his brother had constantly lied to get his way. It was almost funny how fast reverence for the dead left him. 

“Yeah.” Valentine put a hand to his stomach and winced. “You know, I think that guy did something to me, I think I’m hurt. Maybe you guys should let me out of here and call a doctor or something.”

“Rome?” asked Ben, the only one who truly understood the destructive nature of his own blood magic. Still, he wasn’t about to move his big body from the doorway. “D’you think--”

“We can take him to the hospital after we figure out what’s going on.”

“No, no hospital.” Valentine’s voice rose in pitch and his expression went from wary to scared. “No, that’s the whole reason I came here. This was the safest place I could think of. You don’t understand, if I go outside, they’re gonna get me. Wicker and Coop are probably out there right now, waiting to grab me and take me back. And if they take me back, it’s all over, I’m done. I didn’t even think I’d make it this far.” He put his other hand over his stomach. “Can you guys let me out of here and call a doctor? I really came this far and you guys are gonna let me die here?”

None of this made any sense. Rome could feel his heart pounding in his chest but pushed through it. “What do you mean someone’s going to get you?”

Anger flashed across Valentine’s young face before it was replaced by pain and fear again. “The secret police, stupid, I ran away and now they’re gonna kill me. What do you think I’ve been talking about? Where do you think I’ve been all this time? I don’t know who I am, I don’t even know my real name! I saw you on TV and decided to take the chance that you would be nice to me, but no, it looks like you’re gonna let my guts explode in here instead!”

Secret police.

As privileged as he was to have not had to deal with Eden’s terrifying enforcers of facsism, Rome was still terrified of them. He had heard stories of people murdered in their homes in the middle of the night. Three decades ago, West Agapama’s entire family had been slaughtered in their beds by secret police. Rome had no intention of dying the same way. 

The structured, logical part of his mind told him that the smartest thing he could do-- the best way to keep himself safe, as well as protect AJ, Ben, and Mr. Singh-- was to put this intruder out on the street immediately. The way that Ben’s shoulders tensed up told him that his older brother was thinking the same thing; in prison, he had been subjected to terrible treatment by the secret police during riots. Valentine had been dead all this time. Did they really need another brother?

Kick him out. Get rid of him. Rome had come so far, he had tried so hard, he wasn’t about to have all his efforts go down the drain. Get rid of him before something bad happens.

Something bad like getting murdered by the secret police.

Another, quieter part of Rome’s mind told him that the math did not add up. Valentine went missing at 12 years old. What use could a child be in a paramilitary organization?

Valentine spit blood into the sink and shivered. Whatever Ben had done to his organs had taken immediate, painful effect.

“Maybe we should get Mr. Singh,” said Ben carefully. “He’ll know what to do.”

“Don’t do that.” The last thing they needed was Marshall Singh bossing them around during a crisis. “Just let me think.”

Then, Ajax pulled himself together. He pushed Rome out of the way and elbowed past Ben in a way that was uncharacteristically rough. Never before had he touched the two of them in a manner that was not careful, he was too afraid of replicating the violence of their pasts. But shove them aside he did. His breath still hitching in his chest, he blindly walked into the bathroom, threw his arms out, and embraced Valentine tightly. 

For a second, Valentine froze. Then he also extended his arms to embrace this man who he seemed to have no memories of.

It hurt Rome’s feelings to get shoved aside like that. It reminded him of being a kid again, always overlooked, always less lovable. This hurt feeling killed his lingering anxiety. He straightened the collar of his pajamas.

“I thought you were dead,” Ajax said, with his face pressed into Valentine’s shoulder. He sounded like he might actually cry, and Rome knew that he would be unable to bear AJ crying. “You were dead. I’m so sorry, I thought it was my fault. I couldn’t protect you and then you were dead, and then I had to leave. I stopped looking for you. I’m so sorry.”

Valentine looked over AJ and directly at Rome and Ben, reading the social dynamics of relationships he could not comprehend, but understanding that he suddenly had the high ground without even trying. “My stomach hurts,” he said, pitching his voice up. 

“Rome will call a doctor.”

Rome gritted his teeth. Not this again. 

But he did as he was told.

#

12:30 am. Rome was down three glasses of wine. He paced around his tidy living room as he held one, his mind buzzing. There wasn’t much time. He had to figure out what to do next.

He had to figure out if this little reunion was a net positive or not. Was this going to help him or hurt him in the long run? And was he going to get murdered in his sleep in the near future. That was the big one. He had looked into his little brother’s face and seen the eyes of a killer.

Out of habit, he pulled out his communication device to check the company’s stock. It was up. Looking good. When the media found out that his long-dead little brother was, in fact, alive, would the investors find it heartwarming enough to pour more money into the company? Or would they find the whole business disturbing and crash the stocks? Rome suspected the latter. 

Footsteps in the hallway made him flinch, but it was only Ben coming in to check on him. He took a seat on the couch.

“Do you know what the heck is going on, Ro?” he asked tiredly. The cuts on his forearm from where he had opened a vein to use blood magic had already healed. When he sat, his posture was relaxed and comfortable, despite the confusion that showed on his face. “Because I’m completely lost. Ajax is in there acting like he’s lost his mind. Is that really Valentine?”

“Oh, absolutely,” replied Rome. He felt warm and continued to pace back and forth. “What was Dr. Ivicci saying?”

“He’s fine, I reversed the curse anyways. I didn’t hurt him. Much.” Ben looked down at his big hands.He had tied his dreadlocks back on top of his head and out of his face. “I’m so confused. He keeps saying that he was in the secret police. I don’t understand how that’s possible, you don’t know how many times I saw those people tear through guys in prison. They really hurt people. But he’s so little. He would have been a kid.”

“I’d like to know that as well.”

“He doesn’t want to be called Valentine. They didn’t call him that in-- wherever he was.”

Rome took another drink. “Fine. What does he say his name is, then?”

“Johnny.” Both Rome and Ben jumped. Their little brother had walked into the living room so quietly, despite the heavy boots he wore. He still appeared on edge, as if he was waiting for someone to jump out and grab him, drag him away to whatever place he was so scared of. There was still blood on the front of his shirt. “Wow, this is a nice house that you guys live in.” He eyed the couch, the large cushioned chairs, but did not sit.

“Where’s Ajax?” Rome demanded.

“AJ is talking to the doctor.” So he was already comfortable enough with Ajax to call him by his name. Valentine did not appear to know what to do with himself. He looked at the dried blood on the front of his shirt and wiped it. “He’s nice. At least he didn’t immediately try to hurt me.”

“I’m sorry,” said Ben, and sounded like he meant it. Rome took a large sip of wine.

“I didn’t know you did blood magic. But then, I never really saw you on TV. Just him. Smiles made fun of me for looking like him, you know, the eyes and stuff.” He scratched his head, his hair was shaved down as short as possible. Even though he was standing close to the door, he smelled strongly of sewer water and body odor.

“Would you like to take a shower?” asked Rome.

“Not really.”

“I think you should take a shower. You smell.”

“I don’t really want to be alone right now,” said Valentine. “You know, since I’m pretty sure there are people who have hurt me and want me dead lurking around outside your nice house waiting to grab me.”

Rome’s head hurt and he hoped that he was not getting a migraine. He paced back and forth, deliberating on whether to kick his little brother out or not. Probably not. AJ would never forgive him if he lost Valentine a second time. AJ couldn’t deal with any more heartbreak.

“Mr. Singh says that you’re supposed to forgive the people who have hurt you if you want to find peace,” Ben said absently, not even thinking. Sometimes the things he said were so stupid. Unbelievable. One corner of Valentine’s mouth twitched.

The smell was starting to get to Rome. Pretty soon it would start making him nauseous, and then he would start fixating on all the germs that could be living on his floors, luxuriating in the shitty sewer water. Trying his best to sound kind and charitable, he said, “Would you at least like to change out of your clothes? I think you’re almost my size.”

“I don’t want to take off my clothes, thanks.”

Unbelievable. Rome felt almost angry. He opened the cupboard and poured another glass of wine, all too aware of Ben’s judging eyes. Well, he could keep judging. Not everyone could cope with religion and mediation. He had tried, it just didn’t work for him. It was too hard to take care of himself. He drank it, felt aware of the warmth inside of him, and kept pacing.

Nobody said a thing. Ben sat and mumbled to himself in the backwards language of his religion, some kind of mantra, which he claimed was calming. Valentine-- or Johnny, whatever he wanted to be called -- chewed on a hangnail.

This was not going to work. Rome had only just grown comfortable with the presence of Ben and Marshall Singh-- and he wasn’t entirely sure about pompous, pushy Mr. Singh. He could not let another person into his life, much less his home. Not this person. He wasn’t ready for this. It was too complicated, it was too much. He didn’t want to deal with it, but there was nobody else he could pass the responsibility off on.

After a few minutes, AJ entered the living room. He had tied his bathrobe, at least, while talking to the physician Rome paid to be on call. Up until this point, Dr. Ivicci had only come by to treat panic attacks and migraines. They were very well paid, not only for their medical advice, but for their silence. AJ’s hair still hung loose around his shoulders. He looked stressed.

“Are you really drinking right now?” he asked Rome. Rome suddenly wished that he could do blood magic like Ben so that he could kill AJ. “Dr. Ivicci says everything’s OK. They gave me some pills you can take to help you sleep, Val--Johnny.”

“I don’t want to sleep,” said Valentine.

Luckily Rome didn’t have many ethical hangups when it came to drugging people, and immediately began focusing on that.

What was he going to do? This just wasn’t going to work. He stopped pacing and felt dizzy. He wanted this stranger out of his home. It was all new and sounded dangerous, and he was scared. He had just figured out his life and didn’t want to screw it all up.

AJ sat down next to Ben, which also made Rome angry. He rubbed his face and suddenly looked older than his 33 years. He looked drained, regretful. “I feel like I’m going to wake up and this will just have been a dream.”

Kindly, channeling Mr. Singh, Ben said, “You can sit down if you want, Johnny.”

Valentine sat down on the floor. Rome felt a hysterical laugh build up inside of him because the situation was so ridiculous. This person did not know how to behave. Wherever he had been for 6 years, it clearly had less structure than the places he and Ben were in. At least they had manners.

Of course, there was also the possibility that Valentine was lying. The thought occurred to Rome almost immediately. It would be better if he was lying. At least then they wouldn’t be wrapped up with the secret police.

And the math didn’t make sense. That’s what he wanted to know about. 

He’d had too much to drink. That was the only way to explain it. He had lost control over his inhibitions, and was starting to lose control over his...well, his self control. 

“So you were 12,” he said, aware of his slightly slurred speech, which sounded worse through his sharp incisors. “You were 12 when you ran away from home and joined the secret police. How exactly does that make sense? You’re telling me that the government is allowing children into their elite paramilitary force?” 

AJ looked like he wanted to lunge at him.

“Uh, yeah.” Valentine stopped chewing on his hangnail. He cocked his head, then shrugged. “That’s kind of how it works? Everyone’s a kid. Well, almost everyone. Older people are mostly A-Class though. That’s kind of the whole deal.”

It had to be a lie. And the more extended lies become, the easier they are to point out. “You’re telling me that the government is letting kids break into people’s houses and shoot people. My tax dollars are paying for kids in Eden -- including you-- to get trained to murder people, is that what you’re saying?”

“More than just shoot people. We did all kinds of things to people.”

“So you were working for the government for six years, killing people.”

“That’s what I’m telling you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Rome, will you just shut up?” AJ asked savagely.

It was too late now. He’d had too much to drink, not enough to eat, not enough to sleep. He was stressed out, he was at his limit. And, beyond anything else, Rome had just remembered exactly how much he disliked his little brother. He had remembered the unfairness that had been so palpable in his childhood. Even though he had never done anything, never stepped out of line, Rome had been the bad one. And Valentine, despite the tantrums and the lying, had been the good one. The baby. It hadn’t been fair. Rome finished his glass of wine and wobbled when he set it down.

For his part, Ben looked like an uncomfortable captive spectator. He almost looked embarrassed, like he didn’t want to watch, like he thought Rome was making a fool of himself. The mask of detached calm was back up, but underneath of it, surely he was just as mistrustful and angry.

“I don’t believe you.” Rome steepled his fingers in front of his mouth. He wobbled again and hoped that he wouldn’t stumble. “Where’d you really go, when you ran away?”

“You don’t act like this on TV,” said Valentine, still smiling childishly, but dead behind the eyes. 

“Where’d you really go? Did you know you left me alone with Dad? You remember that, don’t you?”

AJ was shaking his head, like that would make everything just go away. AJ was stupid. “You need to shut up now, Rome, you need to go to bed.”

“Where’d you really go?” Rome repeated, like it was the only thing worth repeating. Like it was the only thing worth knowing. He had been the only one dumb enough not to get away. Sure, Ben had gone to prison, but at least he had been away from Dad, and he seemed to be better adjusted on account of it. Valentine had gotten away too, he had figured out a way to escape. Rome had been the only one left, the one left behind, the one left to suffer. It wasn’t fair. “Where’d you really go?” The far-away logical part of him knew that he sounded insane, but he couldn’t stop.

“I told you where I went,” Valentine replied, in that lisping, high pitched voice of his that had such malice behind it. He didn’t move, he didn’t get up, but his smile dropped. “And I don’t know what you’re talking about. I can’t remember anything. They took my memories away. They made me hurt people. All the other kids made fun of me, I could never fit in, nobody liked me. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong, they kept hurting me and everyone just thought it was funny, everyone just laughed at me, even Smiles. That’s where I was all this time, the only thing I can tell you is that I wish that I had been here in this house instead.”

Here this house instead. Anger flickered through Rome’s body. He wanted to break something, the only reason that he didn’t was because the fear of making a mess was too great. His body tensed up. Vaguely, he was aware that AJ had gotten up off the couch and was coming toward him, but he was too far gone to do anything with that information. Here in this house instead? Wherever Valentine had gone, it was preferable to growing up trapped in this house. Romeo felt the hideous urge to strike him.

As usual, he was unable to act on these urges.

AJ put his hands on him for the second time that night, he grabbed one of his arms. He knew how Rome hated to be touched and he did it anyway, acting in anger. He saw that anger and immediately froze. “Stop,” said AJ. “You need to go to bed.”

The urge to hit Valentine sublimated into the urge to hit AJ, but even now, he could not do it. He’d never be able to do it. “Let go of me,” he said, which came out more pathetic than he hoped it would. So much for being an authority figure. It didn’t take much for him to 

AJ did not let go of him. “Go to bed.”

And again, Rome did as he was told.

[awesomeblogsforlife]

WHAT'S Insurance AND JUST WHY COULD IT BE So Important?

We all have already been advised to buy insurance more often than once - forever, health, and also for buying a new car or beginning a fresh business.

But, usually we shy from buying insurance plan, thinking why do I have to purchase a life or even health insurance being truly a youthful and healthy individual? Or, why perform I need insurance for my vehicle, I've good driving skills? Covid 19 Insurance Buy, Buy Health Insurance Online India

Unlike such thoughts, regardless of how healthful we have been or how very well we are doing financially or how good a driver we have been, most of us need insurance. That is due to the fact insurance works as a back-up that financially protects your household when chips are usually down.

In this website, we shall talk about insurance, i.electronic. what this means, do you know the most important forms of insurance, and just why it is necessary.

What's insurance?

The idea of insurance is simple to comprehend. You pay a regular or yearly charge to the insurance company to insure your life, health, vehicle, house, etc for a particular period. In return, the insurer will pay for the monetary damages in the event of any injury to the insured person or object.

Which means you are transferring the chance of a financial reduction you may experience because of life’s uncertainties to an insurance provider for a little fee. For example, if you talk with a vehicle accident and have to be hospitalized. Your wellbeing insurance policy will cover the medical charges for hospitalization. And, your car insurance can pay for the damages to your vehicle.  Meanwhile, in the event that you die during the accident, your family will get a lump sum quantity for your term insurance.

From arts to pets, there's insurance designed for several things, and something should avail of insurance according to their needs and priorities. But you can find 3 forms of insurances which are most essential.

The 3 most significant insurances are:

LIFE INSURANCE COVERAGE:

Life insurance coverage financially protects your loved ones in the event you die an early on death. Here's how it functions. You pay out a regular high quality to the insurance company for a particular period of time. In exchange the insurance provider pays a sum guaranteed to your family if you die through the policy tenure.

There are various kinds of life insurance policies and in a few of those, you get a lump sum amount in the event that you survive the policy tenure. For instance, term insurance coverage provides higher protection for a lesser premium amount when compared with some other life insurance coverage guidelines. But no cash is paid to the policyholder if he survives the word. Meanwhile, for plans like endowment or moneyback, the policyholder receives a lump sum following the policy tenure finishes. For like policies, premium quantities are higher contrary to the coverage, in comparison with term insurance.

MEDICAL HEALTH INSURANCE:

Health Insurance coverage is a method to make sure you as well as your family will get the best health care without you fretting about the cost.

In a medical health insurance plan, the expense of treatment of the insured person(s) is borne by the insurance company. In trade for a normal premium compensated by you, the insurance provider will pay for all of the expenses linked to an disease that the insured individual needs treatment. This consists of hospitalization, daycare, post, and pre-hospitalization, etc. Sufficient reason for the cashless service, your costs is straight settled between your company and a healthcare facility

Liability Insurance:

Such insurance is without a doubt availed to insure properties, cars, businesses, etc. On investing in a liability insurance policy -like auto insurance, home insurance plan, business insurance, in case of any harm to the covered item or property during the policy tenure, the insurance company will financially compensate who owns the policyholder.

Today that you understand the important kind of insurance coverage, let’s discuss why do you want insurance.

Factors everyone should get insurance

Once we said in the beginning, a lot of people think insurance policy can be an unnecessary expenditure. Associated with that people feel self-confident about our long term and our ability to deal with unseen conditions. But there exists a massive difference between our perceived capability and fact. For example, a couple of years of cost savings can vanish in the event of a medical crisis. That’s just one single example.

Listed below are 3 explanations why getting insurance is essential

#1: Insurance plan ensures family’s financial stability

No matter just how much you have were able to save or what your month to month income is, an urgent event can burn an enormous hole in your wallet or can merely jeopardize your family’s financial upcoming.

For illustration, if you don't have adequate life insurance, your family may need to set off through monetaray hardship in the event that you were to meet up with an untimely death. Though no sum of money can replace the increased loss of loved ones, getting life insurance coverage would conserve them from going right through financial hardship. Meanwhile, if you or your loved ones don't have enough health insurance, after that huge medical expenses during any therapy can totally shake finances.

So it's essential that you cover up yourself, your family having an adequate quantity of insurance.

#2: Insurance brings satisfaction

The premium you pay to the insurance company may be the price that guarantees that the insurance provider covers the harm in case of an unforeseen event. And, that assurance that your danger is protected brings reassurance.

For example, let’s suppose you die an untimely dying at the same time when you even now have a number of milestones to attain like children’s schooling, their relationship, a pension corpus for the spouse etc. Furthermore there is a financial debt as a casing mortgage. Your untimely demise can place your loved ones in a hands to mouth circumstance. But, in the event that you could have bought expression insurance considering each one of these factors, your family can sail through the hard times.

#3: Insurance coverage reduces stress during difficult times

Regardless of how tough you make an effort to make your daily life much better, an unforeseen event can completely turn things ugly, leaving your body, emotionally and financially strained. Having sufficient insurance assists in the feeling that at the very least you don’t need to consider money during this type of hard period, and can focus on recovery.

For instance, suppose you or somebody in your loved ones had a coronary attack and requirements immediate hospitalization. Like treatments at good hospitals can price lakhs. Therefore having medical health insurance in cases like this, will save you the concerns and tension of arranging cash.  With insurance set up, any economic stress will undoubtedly be looked after, and you may concentrate on your recovery.

IMPORTANT THING:

Having insurance - life, wellness, and liability - can be an essential section of financial preparing. It can save from monetaray hardship in the event of any unforeseen situations. However, your choice to get insurance ought to be dependant on three factors - necessity, the benefits you obtain from the plan, and your capability to pay the superior.

[blueskiesandnewskies]

Just what is Celebrate Recovery?

Celebrate Recovery (CR) is a biblical and balanced program that helps us overcome our hurts, hang-ups, and habits.  It is based on the actual words of Jesus rather than psychological theory.  20 years ago, Saddleback Church launched Celebrate Recovery with 43 people. It was designed as a program to help those struggling with hurts, habits and hang-ups by showing them the loving power of Jesus Christ through a recovery process.  Celebrate Recovery has helped more than 17000 people at Saddleback alone. And is now in over 19,000 churches worldwide! **I urge you to check it out. Find a Celebrate Recovery near you and attend at least 3 times before you make up your mind about whether or not it will work for you. I figured I had nothing to loose when I first went. And now a word from the best selling author Rick Warren of "The Purpose Driven Life" and pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, CA. "The Bible clearly states “all have sinned.” It is my nature to sin, and it is yours too. None of us is untainted. Because of sin, we’ve all hurt ourselves, we’ve all hurt other people, and others have hurt us. This means each of us need repentance and recovery in order to live our lives the way God intended.You’ve undoubtedly heard the expression that “time heals all wounds.” Unfortunately, it isn’t true. As a pastor I frequently talk with people who are still carrying hurts from 30 or 40 years ago. The truth is – time often makes things worse. Wounds that are left untended fester and spread infection throughout your entire body. Time only extends the pain if the problem isn’t dealt with.What we need is a biblical and balanced program to help people overcome their hurts, habits and hang-ups. Celebrate Recovery is that program. Based on the actual words of Jesus rather than psychological theory, our recovery program is unique, and more effective in helping people change than anything else I’ve seen or heard of. Over the years I’ve witnessed how the Holy Spirit has used this program to transform literally thousands of lives at Saddleback Church and help people grow toward full Christlike maturity.Most people are familiar with the classic 12 step program of A.A. and other groups. While undoubtedly many lives have been helped through the twelve steps, I’ve always been uncomfortable with that program’s vagueness about the nature of God, the saving power of Jesus Christ, and the ministry of the Holy Spirit. So I began an intense study of the Scriptures to discover what God had to say about “recovery.” To my amazement, I found the principles of recovery, and even their logical order, given by Christ in his most famous message, the Sermon on the Mount.My study resulted in a ten-week series of messages called “The Road to Recovery.” During that series, my Associate Pastor John Baker developed the workbooks, which became the heart of our Celebrate Recovery program. I believe that this program is unlike any recovery program you may have seen. There are seven features that make it unique:This recovery program is based on God’s Word, the Bible. When Jesus taught the Sermon on the Mount, he began by stating “Eight Ways to Be Happy.” Today we call them the Beatitudes. From a conventional viewpoint, most of these statements didn’t make sense. They sounded like contradictions. But when you fully understand what Jesus is saying, you’ll realize that these eight principles are God’s road to recovery, wholeness, growth, and spiritual maturity.This recovery program is forward-looking. Rather than wallowing in the past, or dredging up and rehearsing painful memories over and over, Celebrate Recovery focuses on the future. Regardless of what has already happened, the solution is to start making wise choices now and depend on Christ’s power to help me make those changes.This recovery program emphasizes personal responsibility. Instead of playing the “accuse and excuse” game of victimization, this program helps people face up to their own poor choices and deal with what they can do something about. We cannot control all that happens to us. But we can control how we respond to everything. That is a secret of happiness. When we stop wasting time fixing the blame, we have more energy to fix the problem. When you stop hiding your own faults and stop hurling accusations at others, then the healing power of Christ can begin working in your mind, will, and emotions.This recovery program emphasized spiritual commitment to Jesus Christ. The 3rd principle calls for people to make a total surrender of their lives to Christ. Lasting recovery cannot happen without this step. Everybody needs Jesus. Celebrate Recovery is thoroughly evangelistic in nature. In fact, the first time I took our entire church through this program over 500 people prayed to receive Christ on a single weekend. It was an amazing spiritual harvest. And during the ten week series that I preached to kick-off this program, our attendance grew by over 1,500 people! Don’t be surprised if this program becomes the most effective outreach ministry in your church. Today, nearly 73% of the people who’ve been through Celebrate Recovery have come from outside our church. Changed lives always attract others who want to be changed.This recovery program utilizes the biblical truth that we need each other in order to grow spiritually and emotionally. It is built around small group interaction and the fellowship of a caring community. There are many therapies, growth programs, and counselors today that are built around one-on-one interaction. But Celebrate Recovery is built on the New Testament principle that we don’t get well by ourselves. We need each other. Fellowship and accountability are two important components of spiritual growth. If your church is interested in starting small groups, this is a great way to get started.This recovery program addresses all types of habits, hurts and hang-ups. Some recovery programs deal only with alcohol or drugs or another single problem. But Celebrate Recovery is a “large umbrella” program under which a limitless number of issues can be dealt with. At Saddleback Church, only one out of three who attend Celebrate Recovery are dealing with alcohol or drugs. We have dozens of other specialized groups too.Finally, this recovery program produces lay ministers! Because Celebrate Recovery is biblical and church-based, it produces a continuous stream of people moving into ministry after they’ve found recovery in Christ. Eighty-five percent of the people who’ve gone through the program are now active members of Saddleback Church, and an amazing 42% are now using their gifts and talents serving the Lord in some capacity in our church.In closing, let me say that the size of your church is no barrier to beginning a Celebrate Recovery ministry. You can start it with just a small group of people and watch it grow by word-of-mouth. Your won’t be able to keep it a secret for long!You are going to see lives changed in dramatic ways. You are going to see hopeless marriages restored and people set free from all kinds of sinful habits, hang-ups, and hurts as they allow Jesus to be Lord in every area of their lives. To God be the glory! We’ll be praying for you."

http://www.celebraterecovery.com/

[lonely-little-lovely]

The Stars We Sew pt. 4

Chapter 1: https://morrigansss.tumblr.com/post/158572155526/the-stars-we-sew-pt-1

Chapter 2: https://morrigansss.tumblr.com/post/160844066961/the-stars-we-sew-pt-2

Chapter 3: https://morrigansss.tumblr.com/post/161335282431/the-stars-we-sew-pt-3

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of non consensual sex

"From Lorcan's expression, I take it you didn't find Athril's ring," Fenrys said as he slid into the blood sworn's typical booth at The Fire Drake, one of their favorite pubs. Lorcan snarled at him, but Fenrys only spared him a passing glance before turning to Kosmina. There was a tankard of ale in front of her, but she was nursing her flask instead. He wasn't sure if he'd ever seen her without it somewhere on her person. Her hair was in the typical wily braids she used for battle, this time with two smaller braids by each ear, the rest plaited back from her face, which was wearing a mask of cruel amusement.

He considered Mina a friend in the same sense that Lorcan and Rowan were friends: through alcohol and bedding women (and men, in Mina's case) and bloody victories. He'd never seen her without it, though; that mask of cruel indifference. Only Gavriel and Vaughan and occasionally Lorcan saw her without that mask. He knew it was a mask, though, knew her better than she'd probably be comfortable with.

"Oh yes," she drawled. "We're all quite put out by it." She took a long draw from the flask. "There was nothing note worthy in Rune at all, unless you call skinwalkers note worthy."

"Hardly," he said as he grabbed her untouched ale.

She glanced at him. "I'm not done with that."

He grinned, but slid it back to her. "Do you even drink regular ale, Mina?"

"I do when I've been in the thrilling company of Lorcan for too long," she said, but he knew she did not mean it. If there were a person the bastard Commander could call a real friend, it was Kosmina Moreno. Ignoring Lorcan's crude gesture in her direction, she asked, "Vaughan left, correct?"

Whitethorn had once told him that Mina and Vaughan had been as thick as thieves for as long as he could remember, though Fenrys didn't know why Mina was so apt to befriend moody bastards who hated almost everyone. Vaughan was more morose in the sense that Lorcan was standoffish, but did it really matter? They were both still assholes. "Did you really think he'd be waiting around for you to come back, or is that REALLY all that he does?"

"Careful," she purred.

"No, please, go on," said Lorcan. "Antagonize her. Maybe she'll do us all a favor and FINALLY mist your tongue and lips."

Fenrys grinned at him. "Mina likes to look at me too much to mar my handsome face."

She shrugged one shoulder. "I'll still have Connall's pretty face to gaze upon in my most dire hours."

Lorcan's smile turned nasty. "I wonder who Maeve would have to warm her bed if you were... permanently damaged." A low blow. They both knew Maeve would simply use Connall.

Fenrys went lower. "Well, we certainly know it won't be you." It was a known fact among the blood sworn and some outside of their inner circle that Lorcan was in love with Maeve. Fenrys had no rutting clue why, but he DID know that Lorcan had once offered to bed their Queen, and she had laughed in his face. He'd learned that little tidbit from a drunk Vaughan decades ago, who had undoubtedly learned from Kosmina. And, since Mina's alcohol tolerance was somehow higher than all of theirs and none of them had actually witnessed her drunk, she could not blame alcohol for spilling Lorcan's secret.

She remained quiet during this exchange and as Lorcan's eyes darkened, and Fenrys knew she would not interject until the subject had changed. She never partook in mocking him about his duties in Maeve's bedroom, just as he never mocked her for her duties to whoever Maeve told her to bed. That was their silent understanding, their code; because they were the same. Maeve's whores. Lorcan's lips pulled back from his teeth, and he was obviously about to retort something scathing when Whitethorn stalked through the crowd, grabbed a chair someone had been about to sit in, and joined their table.

"Group therapy?" He asked, and Lorcan rolled his eyes.

"You've saved me," said Mina. "Lorcan was about to leap over the table to strangle Fenrys. They would have spilled my ale." As if to make a point, she finally took a gulp of it, chasing it with her flask.

Lorcan jerked his chin at his General. "When do you depart for Varese?"

"Not for two days," Rowan said. Then to Mina, "I need you to winnow me there." Winnowing- it was an incredible luxury, and the favorite of Mina's powers among them all, though misting was quite nifty, too.

She did that casual one shoulder shrug again. "I am needed in Varese anyways." Translation: Maeve was forcing her to fuck Galan one more time before the Prince went blockade running. A pause, and then, "Do try not to kill that princess."

"Good riddance," sneered Lorcan. "Shameful, abandoning her country to become an assassin."

"Yes," said Mina thoughtfully. "Almost as shameful as us not aiding Terrassen." Lorcan's head whipped to her, and Fenrys didn't bother to hide his snicker. The Commander often forgot that though she did not publicly protest, Kosmina was no fan of their Queen.

"Careful," said Lorcan, repeating her earlier word. She only smiled softly and took a slug of her flask.

Come to my bed. The words snaked through Fenrys’ brain, and he stiffened. Rowan and Lorcan were busy bantering back and forth, and even if they had noticed, they wouldn't have cared. But Mina... their gazes met, and though the rest of her face was impassive, there was understanding in her violet eyes.

"I'm needed," he said tightly, and she nodded. She did not ask if he wanted to be winnowed back, knew he would want to walk so he could delay Maeve as much as possible. He tossed a copper on the table for his drinks, nodded to the three remaining at the table, and wove through the crowd, a sour taste already in his mouth.

-

She is sixteen.

She's also pretty sure Lorcan is TRYING to make her hate him with the brutal morning sessions before she's off to learn battle plans and Wendlyn culture and what not, whatever the tutors decide she is most inept at for the day. What Lorcan does not understand is Mina can't possibly hate him. He's prickly, but he saved her life. Gavriel once told her that it had actually been him who had seen her fall from the sky, and if he hadn't, then Gavriel wouldn't have even found her and healed her. She'd be dead.

So no, she cannot hate Lorcan.

He walks next to her, scowl on his face, but she knows him well enough to know that it will dissipate into something an inkling softer as soon as they enter Maeve's court room. Mina can understand why. Who could ever hate Maeve? Mina still wakes up screaming for her brothers or her mother or even her father. She still feels phantom pains every once in a while, in her back where two mighty wings should be. She still cannot look at the sky the same. Maybe she never will. But at least she has a place here, in this strange world.

Maeve is on her throne, pale legs crossed, the picture of elegance in her long black gown. Kosmina smiles just to see her before her eyes slide to Gavriel. He looks in pain. Has something happened?

The Queen first addresses Lorcan. "How is she fairing in training?"

"Her form is poor, Majesty," answers Lorcan, but before she can bristle because she STILL doesn't see how Fae fighting stances are so superior to Illyrian ones (even if she barely remembers the stances Cas taught her), he adds, "But she is improving greatly." He's never complimented her before.

Maeve seems to realize this as well, because her lips curl. "Come here, dear." Mina does so eagerly, curtsying at the foot of the throne. She's still surprised when Maeve brushes her hair from her face. She's sweaty and grimy and there's a little blood on her left temple, yet the Queen doesn't seem to mind. "And how do you think it is going, my Mina?"

My Mina. Such a motherly thing to say to the girl without a mother. Mina beams. "I think it is fairing well, Your Majesty. Lorcan is a great teacher." He rolls his eyes at her at that, but not maliciously.

"That's good to hear," Maeve says. "I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that your afternoon lessons have been cancelled."

HELL. YES. Still, she tries to school her reaction. "Thank you, my Queen. May I ask why?" She glances at Gavriel, who is averting his gaze. "Has something happened?"

"You need not worry. I've only a mission for you, since you've been so eager to repay me for my gratitude."

Mina immediately perks up. "Anything."

That pleases Maeve greatly. "I am having a guest from our neighboring kingdom. Prince Kristoff. He arrives tomorrow." A pause. "Prince Kristoff has been very naughty. He took an amulet of great importance to me. I need you to get it back."

Behind her, Lorcan stiffens, as if to protest that she is not ready, but Mina speaks before he can, anger already burning in her gut at this Prince. "Of course, Your Majesty. What do you need me to do?" Behead him? Challenge him to a duel for the amulet? Sneak into his room to assassinate him?

No such thing leaves Maeve's mouth. "Prince Kristoff has a penchant for young Fae females. I need you to use that to get the amulet back."

Her words sink in. "You... you want me to bed him?" Maeve nods. "But... but I've never..."

The Queen cocks her head. "Did you not just tell me you'd do anything, my Mina? Is this not anything?"

"No, of course I-"

"You do not want to misplace my generosity, do you?" Another lengthy pause. "You don't want to disappoint me, do you?"

And that-that is what does it. Because she is young, and so naive, and disappointing Maeve in her mind is perhaps the worst thing she can do. "Never, Majesty," she says fiercely. "C-consider it done."

-

Kosmina shook off the memory, adding more spice to the stew she was making. It was some time in the early morning, and the cooks were long asleep- not that they would stop her even if they'd been in the kitchen. She'd been cooking for centuries and was more skilled than all of them. And this was for Fenrys, who would be done servicing the Queen hopefully soon.

Her mind bounced to another memory, of Kristoff, of his hands around her throat as he-

No. No. She shook it off, forcefully added more liquor to the meat she was sauteing in a pan.

She had been so young, back when she still loved Maeve. And she had thought... she had thought that it would be a one time thing. But since she had had so little control over her ability to change emotions at the time, she'd accidentally made Kristoff fall in love with her. No, he had not loved her. He did not know how to love. What she had twisted inside him had been a sick obsession. Maeve had used it to her advantage, sent Mina back again and again and again until she finally gave the order for her to take a sword and cut off his head. At the time, it had been empowering. Now, though, it was just a reminder of what she'd been forced to do.

Because the Queen had not stopped there. After Kristoff, it was another male, and another, and another, and then a female. At that point, Maeve used the same line that she had first used-"You wouldn't want to disappoint me, would you, Mina?"- to get her to swear the blood oath. She'd promised that if there ever was a way for Mina to get back to her universe, she'd free her of the oath. Kosmina was no longer blind. She no longer thought her Queen a Saint. Maeve would never let her go.

Her fate had been sealed the moment she'd walked into the throne room with that amulet.

There was a shift behind her, and she glanced to the door, where Fenrys had appeared. His clothes were ruffled, a hatred in his eyes so deep it surpassed even hers, but it diminished as his nostrils flared at the smell of food. He grinned tiredly. "Mina stew." 'Mina stew' was a favorite dish of hers among the Cadre- in fact, she was surprised Lorcan and Rowan and whoever else wasn't off on missions weren't already up here for their fill of it.

"I thought you could use it," she told him. His nod was almost imperceptible as he took a seat at the table. "It will be ready in about five minutes." She finished up quickly, sprinkling some salt into it and basil on top as a final touch before pouring two bowl's worth and moving to the table to sit across from him.

She didn't know what she had with Fenrys. They weren't exactly friends- not in the way she was with Vaughan or Gavriel or Lorcan. But they had an understanding. "Where's Connall?" she asked him.

His mouth tightened. "On a mission." Which meant he was stuck here for now. They were never allowed to leave together.

"When does he return?"

He sneered. "When does Vaughan?" When she raised an eyebrow, he immediately snapped out of whatever state he was in and grimaced. "I apologize."

"That's alright," she said, because it was. She understood more than anyone. Thus their understanding.

They didn't speak for a while, but despite him snapping at her, it was not an uncomfortable silence. And when the feelings of agony and hatred and something else, something deeper, finally stopped crashing off of him into her in waves, she might have slumped just a little in relief.

[myrtisshull565-blog]

Metabolic Disorder Up With ADT In Prostate Cancer.

With the release of the movie Dark Swan" and also a growing existence from timeless ballet in the media (at last!), I thought that will be time to describe a handful of short articles on grown-up ballet. To be capable to create knowledgeable decisions concerning their youngsters's HYPERACTIVITY therapy, moms and dads ought to receive their truths straight. A lot of girls leave a relationship with a large number of accountability for the kids so this leaves behind father in left field- unknowning where his task lies. Male which make love along with males, along with females which have sex along with women, or males on the "down-low" might take part in sex functions with participants of the same sex while continuing sexual and also enchanting relationships with the contrary sexual activity.|For my entire lifestyle, I have resided in a three-generation residence. My boy is 43.10 years ago he separated he has 3 kids the youngest was actually 2 at the he had no amount of money and also no place to be along with the youngsters I got a residence as well as looked after for them all for the final 10 everything opportunity he possesses never ever sits night and day on the never intended to do just about anything along with the childrenHe is dirtyuntidy and also workshyNow my financial savings are actually ending and I am actually worried sick.|A little one could "view traits" in our settings that our experts adults cannot view. The business industries its own cable blood stem tissue preservation services straight to expectant moms and dads, in addition to through distributing info through obstetricians, doctors, childbirth educators, accredited nurse-midwives, and also other similar health care professionals.|A new cross-sectional research study led by public health researchers at Tufts Educational institution College from Medication has actually discovered substantial food items instability for grownups on probation in Rhode Isle. Other than needing to have aid or aid coming from their children periodically associating with health and wellness problems elder moms and dads are even more economically capable as well as individual to look after carry out certainly not intend to be actually a burden to their little ones.|Senior citizen Care an inquiry that most of our company can locate something to accomplish along with it. We might be encountering a role of treatment of our aged loved one, moms and dads as well as an older good friend. But whatever kind of grown-up asthma is actually diagnosed, the individual had an effect on have to have specific measures they never needed to take care of while maturing. As well as they undoubtedly can not succumb to the aged claiming that you can't show outdated dogs new secrets: they have to adhere to these safety measures or even else their grown-up breathing problem may seriously injure all of them or even take their lifestyle.|The greatest educator is actually the regarding environment. Males and female experience a" sexual activity flush" on the skin from the higher body as well as face. Coming from the earliest days of pregnancy little ones whose parents misuse opioids are at higher danger. The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics recommends females in their 60s obtain 5 to 6 ounces from protein a day coming from foods items such as chicken, seafood, slim reddish meat, soy products, beans, eggs as well as milk.|When our team think of vaccinations, the graphic of youngsters obtaining their shots at a health and wellness clinic comes to mind, however there are actually numerous reasons adults have to consider shots, also. The young people remained in their 20s; the much older adults' average age was 70. TEL is taken into consideration a more onerous intellectual encoding method where the mind needs to "scaffolding" its own way to making wealthier affiliations and linkages so as to get to the right target info.|, if you like your cat you'll desire to understand just how to maintain your pussy-cat as well-balanced as feasible. The truth is, because our company really feel thus harried and also rushed these days, our team have the tendency to grab a caffeinated beverage earlier than our team utilized to. When we seem like we are entirely spent, and also can not go another measure, our team reach for a caffeinated drink to provide our team that unexpected increase of energy. " Just what our experts have actually found in middle-aged grownups is a connection in between socioeconomic status as well as human brain functionality and makeup," Hairpiece said. Natural skin care must belong to your overall wellness and sometimes, with your hectic schedule, this might be something that is actually conveniently neglected. If existing fads in little one obesity proceed, over 57% of today's children in the United States are going to have weight problems at grow older 35, according to a brand-new study from Harvard T.H. Chan School of Hygienics. No. Merely supply 250mg of healthy man facial skin surface fat through mouth one-time to those presenting along with self-destructive thought. Early Kid Educationhelping your youngster establish a love for learning. As a matter of fact, many moms and dads think that their kid has actually become a comprehensive unknown person when they used to become very close or perhaps buddies. A really good pointer is actually to cook foods a lot longer to ensure that they are more tender as well as much easier to eat for more mature adults that have dental issues. A few of one of the most usual ways that adolescents and also kids will definitely experience death feature: shock, rejection, sense of guilt, emotions from desertion, anger, withdrawal, stress, anxiety, anxiety, phobias, tingling, sleep problems, improvements in eating patterns, underachievement, and awol. I experience that by using diapers to bedroom the kid is having task for the scenario which is actually an extremely mature point to accomplish and is exactly what adults do. In fact it could be said that the youngster is functioning even more like a little one through certainly not wearing baby diapers to mattress. Baseding on "Baton Rouge Parents Journal," kids that were ruined are unable to recognize the concept of limits as adults and also can cultivate problems such as costs, consuming, gaming and over-eating. Nearly a third of youngsters getting into foster care in 2015 were due at the very least partly to adult drug abuse - a rise from nearly 50 percent since 2005. Reside Scholastic Specialists likewise knows the truth trainees should offer a correct time to their scholastic life also and that is actually why, this post portal offers an example response which will certainly allow the trainees comprehend and know from just what is actually supplied to all of them in a qualified format.

Teaching and also assisting adolescents in well-balanced and practical body selections including consuming in small amounts, helping make institution as well as teaching fellowships the priority, secure sex,, healthy total diet regimen selections and self worth is the top priority. When not composing, managing, or even participating in games, K.N. participates in fanfiction, social justice, participating in viola and also piano, as well as other activities in Nyc City. A team from healthy and balanced grownups were actually providing VARIVAX, which is the Varicella injection, and also merely one-half of all of them participated in Tai Chi.Likewise, because eating entire foods items like raw almonds or even new vegetables may sometimes be actually difficult for much older adults with false teeths or even inadequate dentition, liquefied health and nutrition supplements provide a simple, successful means to satisfy these daily nutrient demands.Today, as a grown-up, you could manage this your own self and also you won't need to worry about thinking back on the problem exclusive orthodontic sees could possibly have cost your moms and dads. Also between the youngsters on their own (coming from numerous prior relationships), and certainly the present significant other along with past spouse.

[mgdlnaesthetic]

Defeating Diabetes Review

Defeating Diabetes Review

Defeating Diabetes Review

Defeating Diabetes Review

Defeating Diabetes Review

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6q7RMUeCGE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb4qb9i5WLI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oLQdv7veM0

https://steemit.com/defeatingdiabetesreview/@alwaysus/defeating-diabetes-review-defeating-diabetes-kit-by-y-elkaim-or-or-defeating-diabetes-kit-review

Is Defeating Diabetes Kit, a program by certified nutritionist and New York Times bestselling author Yuri Elkaim value your money? Read this review to the end and see why Contra Health Scam isn't so thrilled about this program although it's not a scam! Elkaim claims that his product has the ‘life saving’ information for those suffering from Kind a pair of Diabetes and pre-diabetes. His pitch page basically centers on selling information about some ‘super starch’ that has the potential of completely reversing your Kind two Diabetes while not having to take any medication or insulin shots. But before I go any, lets first of all verify Elkaim’s identity, shall we tend to? Who is Yuri Elkaim? yuri elkaim defeating diabetes kit review e1466031963619 Defeating Diabetes Kit Review: Is Yuri Elkaims Product Worth It? Yuri Elkaim could be a certified Holistic Nutritionist and fitness knowledgeable who has been practicing for about thirteen years now. He holds High Honours degree in Physical Education and Health/Kinesiology from the University of Toronto. He additionally was a former football player however had to quit due to unexplained bouts of fatigue and different health problems. But through it all, he mustered the energy to coach himself to be healthy and fit … and for seven years he served as the strength & conditioning/nutrition coach for the University of Toronto men’s soccer team. Consistent with his Amazon profile, Elkaim has authored ‘over a hundred thirty’ workout programs. His book All-Day Energy Diet may be a New York Times bestseller. He has additionally been featured in many reputable news outlets like Huffington Post and is a contributor at US News & World Report. He is additionally the owner and professor of Super Nutrition Academy, a program that claims to supply the ‘essential’ health information that people actually need for good health. It is from this academy that Defeating Diabetes Kit is being marketed. I can also ensure that he is the owner of the product. What is Defeating Diabetes Kit? Like I earlier stated, Defeating Diabetes Kit is focused on a ‘super starch’ that has been scientifically proven to reverse the course of Type two Diabetes and forestall its progression. Elkaim says he got the motivation to seek out this remedy when watching his father suffer from the disease for more than five years. Elkaim now claims that his father is therefore healthy that ‘you’d never know my dad had ever been diagnosed with diabetes,’ thanks in part to ‘this mysterious super starch.’ Defeating Diabetes Kit is not just about the ‘super starch’ though. It consists of four books specifically:     The Super Starch Solution: This eBook shows you the simplest natural sources of the ‘super starch’ and a way to harness its diabetes-defeating powers. Real price: A ‘grossly underestimated’ add of $twenty seven.     How to Eat to Defeat Diabetes: This 43-page book contains 14 ‘diabetes-friendly’ recipes, a ‘seven-Day Rapid Results Diabetes-Friendly Meal Plan’, an ‘updated’ list of diabetes-friendly foods, supplements and herbs … and also the so-called ‘ analysis’ on the $64000 cause of diabetes that trendy doctors do not apprehend. Real worth of the book: $250.     20 Delicious Diabetes Recipes: This may be a separate book that contains twenty ‘no thinking required’, ‘mouthwatering’ recipes that are diabetes friendly. Real price: $seventeen.     Iso Burn ‘No Movement’ Workout: Elkaim claims he personally invented this workout that, in step with him, is predicated on ‘isometric training’ and does NOT require any movement the least bit. ‘No bending. No twisting.’ You practically keep at one place and burn fat as if you were running a treadmill or doing squats. This program comes in audio and video format. Real value: $27. All these books constitute the Defeating Diabetes Kit, which you'll be able to get at a one-time value of $37. If you are not proud of the product, you can request a refund among sixty days of purchase. Therefore What are the Professionals of Defeating Diabetes Kit?     The biggest pro of this program is that its owner, Yuri Elkaim is real and is really who he says he is. You'll easily verify his existence and expertise on nutrition and health … and i’m assured that he has indeed helped a ton of folks in maintaining good health.     The ‘super starch’ he's talking regarding – which is raw potato starch, btw – has indeed been scientifically proven to be of benefit to those battling Kind a pair of Diabetes. This starch is thought within the medical world as ‘resistant starch’ because it is not digested by the body. Consuming resistant starch exerts its health benefits to  Kind a pair of diabetics by increasing insulin sensitivity. In alternative words, resistant starch helps the body to acknowledge and use insulin. [Precision Nutrition] These two professionals alone are the most reasons why Defeating Diabetes Kit isn't a scam. HOWEVER… Why Contra Health Scam Does NOT Like Defeating Diabetes Kit 1. Scammy Advertising The first impression I got after I came upon Defeating Diabetes Kit’s pitch page for the first time was that it had been a scam by an identity thief. This is as a result of the means it's presented looks no completely different from all the scams already exposed on this blog. First of all, I don’t understand why I will’t leave the page in peace if I’m not interested in watching the video. Why not add a link to the text version on the video page instead of using a pop-up to block me from leaving before showing me the text version? 2. This Talk Concerning ‘Big Pharma’ Conspiracy. As opposed to go on to explaining how his program will help them defeat Diabetes, Elkaim instead determined to scare his potential shoppers by telling them of the harmful effects of the present type a pair of diabetes drugs … a typical psychological tactic typically employed by scammers against folks with chronic, life threatening diseases. He even went as far as alleging that pharmaceutical firms don’t care about your health as a result of they are public corporations whose stocks are being traded on the Stock Exchange market. Yes, they're crooks in each business, including the health business. However the reality is that the first thing doctors advocate to kind 2 diabetes patients is lifestyle and diet changes, NOT drugs! In drugs, medicine like Metformin aren't seen as 1st line therapy for type 2 diabetes, but are rather seen as a last resort treatment for those who cannot maintain adequate diet therapy. 3. Insults the Medical Profession Judging from his personal web site and the way Defeating Diabetes Kit was presented, Yuri Elkaim loathes doctors. In his web site, he says he visited doctors for seven consecutive years over his health issues (autoimmune alopecia, extreme weakness) and every one they did to him was to inject his head with drugs. ‘…not a single doctor had any idea of what to try and do other than to inject cortisone directly into my scalp…’ he writes. ‘Not one doctor or “specialist” ever speculated as to what would possibly have caused my health problems to begin with or what could be done to resolve them…They were additional interested in obtaining me on experimental pills and steroid creams or injecting my scalp with who knows what.’ Don’t get me wrong here. It is completely fine for Elkaim to dislike doctors as a result of of the unpleasant expertise he had with them. But implying that doctors are idiots who apprehend nothing concerning curing health issues other than loading their patients with ‘big pharma’ medicine is wrong. It's a slap within the face of the medical community, who work harder than anyone else in the health trade to make sure that sick people are nursed back to health. Is Defeating Diabetes Kit Price It? Defeating Diabetes Kit is targeted on resistant starch, a kind of carbohydrate Elkaim claims is ‘rarely discussed.’ Well kind ‘resistant starch’ on Google and click on ‘search’, and you’ll see that ‘resistant starch’ is very well mentioned. Heck, it even includes a Wikipedia page! The sources of resistant starch are numerous. Even the white bread you eat has resistant starch. But some foods have a lot of resistant starch than others. Raw potato starch is currently touted as the most effective source of resistant starch. [Authority Nutrition] Thus if Defeating Diabetes Kit is all regarding telling you regarding resistant starch, then it's undoubtedly not price your money because that info is already everywhere on the net, free of charge. Elkaim apparently knows this, that is why he added the extra books and therefore the bonus ‘The All-Day Energy Diet Community Diet Cookbook’ to create his offer value considering. Had it been he didn’t add them, Defeating Diabetes Kit would have been worthless. PONDER ON THIS QUESTION: Why is Yuri Elkaim giving FIVE books supposedly price $368 at just $37? Final Recommendation: You will Try Defeating Diabetes Kit Check out Defeating Diabetes Because of the fact that this program has additional cons than professionals, I can not add it to Contra Health Scam’s Whitelist. Right currently it's hanging from a cliff … and only your feedback will determine whether it makes it to the Whitelist or be tossed into the dustbin as a scam. Therefore if you've got used Defeating Diabetes Kit, please share your experiences with us within the comments section. Thank you!

[ughwhyarealltheusernamestaken]

Defeating Diabetes Review

Defeating Diabetes Review

Defeating Diabetes Review

Defeating Diabetes Review

Defeating Diabetes Review

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6q7RMUeCGE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb4qb9i5WLI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oLQdv7veM0

https://steemit.com/defeatingdiabetesreview/@alwaysus/defeating-diabetes-review-defeating-diabetes-kit-by-y-elkaim-or-or-defeating-diabetes-kit-review

Is Defeating Diabetes Kit, a program by certified nutritionist and New York Times bestselling author Yuri Elkaim price your cash? Scan this review to the end and see why Contra Health Scam isn't so thrilled regarding this program while it is not a scam! Elkaim claims that his product has the ‘life saving’ data for those littered with Type 2 Diabetes and pre-diabetes. His pitch page basically centers on selling data regarding some ‘super starch’ which has the potential of utterly reversing your Type a pair of Diabetes while not having to require any medicine or insulin shots. But before I go further, lets initial of all verify Elkaim’s identity, shall we? Who is Yuri Elkaim? yuri elkaim defeating diabetes kit review e1466031963619 Defeating Diabetes Kit Review: Is Yuri Elkaims Product Price It? Yuri Elkaim may be a certified Holistic Nutritionist and fitness knowledgeable who has been practicing for concerning thirteen years currently. He holds High Honours degree in Physical Education and Health/Kinesiology from the University of Toronto. He also was a former soccer player but had to quit thanks to unexplained bouts of fatigue and alternative health problems. However through it all, he mustered the energy to train himself to be healthy and match … and for seven years he served because the strength & conditioning/nutrition coach for the University of Toronto men’s soccer team. In line with his Amazon profile, Elkaim has authored ‘over 130’ workout programs. His book All-Day Energy Diet is a New York Times bestseller. He has also been featured in several reputable news retailers like Huffington Post and is a contributor at US News & World Report. He is also the owner and professor of Super Nutrition Academy, a program that claims to supply the ‘essential’ health info that people really need for sensible health. It is from this academy that Defeating Diabetes Kit is being marketed. I can also confirm that he's the owner of the merchandise. What is Defeating Diabetes Kit? Like I earlier stated, Defeating Diabetes Kit is targeted on a ‘super starch’ that has been scientifically proven to reverse the course of Kind two Diabetes and forestall its progression. Elkaim says he got the motivation to find this remedy after watching his father suffer from the disease for a lot of than 5 years. Elkaim now claims that his father is therefore healthy that ‘you’d never recognize my dad had ever been diagnosed with diabetes,’ thanks in half to ‘this mysterious super starch.’ Defeating Diabetes Kit is not just about the ‘super starch’ though. It consists of 4 books specifically:     The Super Starch Solution: This eBook shows you the most effective natural sources of the ‘super starch’ and how to harness its diabetes-defeating powers. Real worth: A ‘grossly underestimated’ sum of $twenty seven.     The way to Eat to Defeat Diabetes: This 43-page book contains 14 ‘diabetes-friendly’ recipes, a ‘7-Day Rapid Results Diabetes-Friendly Meal Plan’, an ‘updated’ list of diabetes-friendly foods, supplements and herbs … and therefore the thus-called ‘ research’ on the real reason for diabetes that modern doctors don't understand. Real price of the book: $250.     twenty Delicious Diabetes Recipes: This is a separate book that contains 20 ‘no thinking needed’, ‘mouthwatering’ recipes that are diabetes friendly. Real worth: $seventeen.     Iso Burn ‘No Movement’ Workout: Elkaim claims he personally invented this workout which, consistent with him, relies on ‘isometric training’ and does NOT need any movement the least bit. ‘No bending. No twisting.’ You practically keep at one place and burn fat as if you were running a treadmill or doing squats. This program comes in audio and video format. Real price: $27. All these books constitute the Defeating Diabetes Kit, which you'll get at a 1-time price of $thirty seven. If you are not pleased with the product, you can request a refund inside sixty days of purchase. Thus What are the Professionals of Defeating Diabetes Kit?     The biggest professional of this program is that its owner, Yuri Elkaim is real and is extremely who he says he is. You can easily verify his existence and experience on nutrition and health … and i’m assured that he has indeed helped a lot of individuals in maintaining good health.     The ‘super starch’ he's talking regarding – that is raw potato starch, btw – has indeed been scientifically proven to be of profit to those battling Type 2 Diabetes. This starch is thought in the medical world as ‘resistant starch’ as a result of it is not digested by the body. Consuming resistant starch exerts its health edges to  Kind a pair of diabetics by increasing insulin sensitivity. In different words, resistant starch helps the body to acknowledge and use insulin. [Precision Nutrition] These two pros alone are the most reasons why Defeating Diabetes Kit is not a scam. HOWEVER… Why Contra Health Scam Does NOT Like Defeating Diabetes Kit 1. Scammy Advertising The first impression I got once I stumbled on Defeating Diabetes Kit’s pitch page for the primary time was that it absolutely was a scam by an identity thief. This is as a result of the means it is presented appearance no totally different from all the scams already exposed on this blog. Initial of all, I don’t understand why I will’t leave the page in peace if I’m not inquisitive about watching the video. Why not add a link to the text version on the video page instead of using a pop-up to block me from leaving before showing me the text version? two. This Talk Concerning ‘Massive Pharma’ Conspiracy. In place of go on to explaining how his program can facilitate them defeat Diabetes, Elkaim instead set to scare his potential purchasers by telling them of the harmful effects of this kind 2 diabetes medicine … a common psychological tactic typically utilized by scammers against folks with chronic, life threatening diseases. He even went as so much as alleging that pharmaceutical companies don’t care concerning your health as a result of they're public companies whose stocks are being traded on the Stock Exchange market. Yes, they're crooks in each business, as well as the health business. But the truth is that the first thing doctors advocate to type 2 diabetes patients is lifestyle and diet changes, NOT drugs! In medication, medication like Metformin are not seen as first line therapy for type 2 diabetes, however are rather seen as a last resort treatment for those that cannot maintain adequate diet therapy. 3. Insults the Medical Profession Judging from his personal web site and how Defeating Diabetes Kit was presented, Yuri Elkaim loathes doctors. In his website, he says he visited doctors for 7 consecutive years over his health issues (autoimmune alopecia, extreme weakness) and all they did to him was to inject his head with drugs. ‘…not one doctor had any plan of what to try and do other than to inject cortisone directly into my scalp…’ he writes. ‘Not one doctor or “specialist” ever speculated as to what would possibly have caused my health issues to begin with or what might be done to resolve them…They were more interested in obtaining me on experimental pills and steroid creams or injecting my scalp with who knows what.’ Don’t get me wrong here. It is utterly fine for Elkaim to dislike doctors as a result of of the unpleasant expertise he had with them. But implying that doctors are idiots who know nothing about curing health problems aside from loading their patients with ‘huge pharma’ medicine is wrong. It is a slap within the face of the medical community, who work harder than anyone else in the health trade to confirm that sick folks are nursed back to health. Is Defeating Diabetes Kit Value It? Defeating Diabetes Kit is targeted on resistant starch, a sort of carbohydrate Elkaim claims is ‘rarely discussed.’ Well sort ‘resistant starch’ on Google and click on ‘search’, and you’ll see that ‘resistant starch’ is terribly well mentioned. Heck, it even includes a Wikipedia page! The sources of resistant starch are various. Even the white bread you eat has resistant starch. But some foods have a lot of resistant starch than others. Raw potato starch is currently touted as the best supply of resistant starch. [Authority Nutrition] Therefore if Defeating Diabetes Kit is all about telling you concerning resistant starch, then it is undoubtedly not price your money as a result of that info is already everywhere on the net, freed from charge. Elkaim apparently is aware of this, that is why he added the extra books and also the bonus ‘The All-Day Energy Diet Community Diet Cookbook’ to create his provide value considering. Had it been he didn’t add them, Defeating Diabetes Kit would have been worthless. PONDER ON THIS QUESTION: Why is Yuri Elkaim providing FIVE books supposedly price $368 at simply $thirty seven? Final Recommendation: You will Strive Defeating Diabetes Kit Check out Defeating Diabetes Because of the fact that this program has a lot of cons than professionals, I will not add it to Contra Health Scam’s Whitelist. Right currently it's hanging from a cliff … and only your feedback will confirm whether it makes it to the Whitelist or be tossed into the dustbin as a scam. Therefore if you have used Defeating Diabetes Kit, please share your experiences with us in the comments section. Thank you!

[soovaryit]

So it’s the second anniversary of my endo diagnosis (woooo), and I thought I’d share my experience of the diagnostic laparoscopy. Obviously, this is (usually) straightforward day surgery and nothing to be concerned about at all, but undoubtedly you have your reservations about what the experience and end result will be like. This will differ drastically for everyone, for some it will be a short and simple procedure and others there may be complications or the need for surgeons to make bigger incisions. I speak to a lot of people who think they may have endo but are worried about the lap and diagnostic process and my god I don’t blame you. But regardless of the struggle, I’m glad I pushed for a diagnosis and am (hopefully) on the path to healing. I know that people are worried about scarring, anaesthesia, pain and the recovery period and unfortunately, I can’t predict what it will be like but I can tell you it will be worth it in the end and that it is a (slightly scary) step forward.

In the scheme of things, I am a total endo amateur, having had only one lap and chosen to stick with the less drastic options of multiple hormonal contraceptives as I am lucky that it is not too severe. I can’t fathom the strength of those who have to go through multiple laps a year, as well as much more serious surgeries to reconstruct and remove organs that have been affected by endo. You are true warriors and I hope so much that you continue healing <3 I was initially very excited for my lap, although probably naïve to feel that way. I didn’t know much about the disease yet and assumed that they’d be able to remove it all, leaving me pain-free, with a Mirena coil to prevent further growth (as propositioned by my equally naïve GP). Obviously, it is rarely that simple. Getting to the point of the lap was emotionally draining, to say the least, but once I’d convinced multiple doctors that I could barely function because of the pain, I was booked in with 2 months wait. This is when I started to read stories like this, personal experiences of the operation and diagnosis process and it helped a lot. Some were reassuring, some worried me but ultimately I felt a sense of solidarity no matter what the outcome and still felt positive about the procedure. Unfortunately, my consultant, a gynaecologist with no special interest or education in endo was absolute shite*. In my two appointments before the procedure, he was fairly dismissive and not convinced that it would be endometriosis. This did not exactly fill me with confidence but changing doctors would be a long and arduous process and I decided this was the best thing at the time. The anaesthesia, which I was anxious about having not been put under since I was much younger, was absolutely fine. Anaesthesiologists are amazing at keeping you calm and I can barely recall being in the room at any point, let alone falling asleep. When I woke up I felt EXTREMELY emotional and ultimately pissed off. Everyone will have different reactions to anaesthesia and mine have always been volatile so it wasn’t really a surprise but basically everyone will be super nice to you.

The consultant came to see and his first words were ‘I have some bad news’.  I instantly burst into tears (OBVIOUSLY) and he started laughing, revealing that he had had to remove my belly button piercing before making the incision. This was not a funny joke and my parents called him out on it which I am eternally grateful for. He then went on to tell me that he was SURPRISED that I did, in fact, have endometriosis (I think I get angrier every time I think about how he handled this scenario). He told me that it had been active for around 6 years and he could see that the mega dose of hormones I was given in the months leading up to the op had healed the majority of it (he said a good thing! Yay!). He told me I still had one active patch that had grown on a blood vessel and could not be removed, ever. My heart sunk even though overall it had given me the validation that I wasn’t making up the 7 years of pain I experienced. Knowing that I had a patch that may not heal meant I would still be living with the pain and that was shitty to hear. He immediately told me his action plan which included ‘shutting down’ my ovaries for up to a year – inducing menopause. He did not give me any further information or a different choice. Ultimately, my choice treatment came from brilliant sources on the internet **and not a qualified doctor, which speaks volumes for how much knowledge many general gyanes actually have about diseases such as endo.

The next few days were very difficult emotionally and physically. I had the best possible support network around me but I felt extremely isolated couldn’t stop replaying the last 7 years of pain in my head and questioning why I never acted on getting a diagnosis sooner. I wondered how much pain I could have saved myself. I wondered if previous relationships would have worked out if I hadn’t been struggling with the burden of this disease and all the emotional shit that goes along with it. The pain, ironically, was similar to a super awful endo episode but stitches etc and the insertion of the coil made it more uncomfortable (I bought myself a latex skirt with the intention of wearing a week later to cheer me up – wrong decision. Ow.). There was also weird crampy shoulder pain that I read about due to the gas inserted into your abdomen during the surgery, that passed within a couple of days. The physical side was easy enough to bear. I had put up with varying levels of pain for 16 years which gives you a pretty high pain threshold. The emotional side of it was completely unexpected and really knocked me back. This is the part that they are seriously lacking in in medical situations. I was discharged that day with a follow-up appointment in a month’s time, the doctors words of ‘shutting my ovaries down’ ringing in my ears and I felt completely unsatisfied and terrified for the future. I knew I couldn’t live with that much pain anymore and so worried that it would never get better. When you have a lifelong condition like endo it is so hard to feel certainty and optimism about the future when you don’t know what your body might do next. It took over a year for the Mirena coil to have an impact on the pain which is pretty shitty and I’m not sure it ever would have worked for me alone despite doctors claiming its a ‘cure’. Luckily, I then found a wonderful doctor who prescribed me Cerelle, a progesterone only pill to boost my progesterone levels in an attempt to ease the pain. I also began therapy and a year’s course of Sertraline as my mood was (understandably) in the gutter.

It was at this point I started to unpick the negative and self-damaging thought processes I was having around the disease. I thought that it was my fault. I thought that I should have tried to get it diagnosed sooner. I felt like a burden to everyone. I felt like a lesser human because sometimes I couldn’t do ‘normal’ things like go to work or cook for myself or get out of bed. As I’m sure you’ve realised these are profoundly wrong, and if you feel yourself agreeing with those statements, it’s vital you seek some support and deconstruct the way you relate to your endo. To anyone facing the uncertainty of an diagnosis, my advice to you is to try and prepare emotionally. Refer yourself for counselling because anyone with a chronic condition NEEDS to talk about it, regularly, openly and without shame. It is essential for your mental health. If this isn’t an option for you, you can also speak to online counsellors or even get support from the wonderful people at Endometriosis UK (via helplines and support groups). Basically, it’s ok to admit that you’re scared, its ok to not feel positive and it’s understandable that those feelings are hard to come to terms with.

The actual diagnosis is hard to swallow but once it is on your medical records some things get easier. You have proof to show your employers, schools and universities, access to more/stronger pain meds and at least some explanation for the pain you’ve experienced. It’s beyond ridiculous that we live in a world where pain isn’t taking seriously until the point of diagnosis but that’s something that won’t change quickly and once your diagnosis has been confirmed you can look at the ways in which you can be supported. Two years on my pain has improved to the point where sometimes I can’t remember what a bad day feels like. That in itself is an incredible feat to me and somewhere I never thought I would be. Flare-ups are still hard and take it out of me but they are less frequent. I still talk about endo and my feelings about it as much as possible to cope with the bad days and to remind myself that that it’s still something I’ll have to deal with for life and constanly develop new coping mechanisms for. Remember that there is no shame in anything that you feel around your body or your condition and your emotions are powerful and completely valid.  

*UK people – for doctors who are not complete shite make sure you have a look at your nearest accredited endometriosis centre here

**Brilliant sources = mainly Endometriosis UK who are absolutely amazingly informative and supportive but also The Mighty  (catch one of my articles on the most read page oOoOoOoh) 

[kiarabay]

“To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before”

If you, as a teenager, once got crazy about a boy, had ardous dilemmas in life, dealt with constant discords of family members and peers, this is definitely the type of book that you won’t be able to put down. That is why I just went so frantic when I heard the news: its film adaptation soon! What makes this Trilogy extraordinary that any woman who falls in love as crazy as Lara Jean will be undoubtedly enthralled? 

Here are the Top 10 Quotes that I find completely relatable:

1. “If love is like a possession, maybe my letters are like my exorcisms. My letters set me free. Or at least they’re supposed to.”

Aside from photographs, words encapsulate memories as evocative as ever. Anything that is connected to writing is treasure that is why I have kept journals, wrote letters, and collected notes from friends and loved ones; it is the best therapy. In every situation that I encounter, whether it’s the fleeting mirth of falling in love or legion phase of having your heart broken , I tend and try my hardest to record them. Personally, I had perceived love as a process of making a someone my belonging. But it’s the absolute opposite when it comes to writing. I don’t own, keep, or hold anything back when I fill the empty pages; in fact, I open myself up,  I unleash stories and secrets, I allow others to read me like a book, I give bits and pieces of myself, I simply let go. When a person writes, it’s impossible not to. It’s like the primary urge for writing, everything just overflows within that they find their way out. It’s supposed to set you free. And it will… if you allow it.

2. “I wonder what it’s like to have that much power over a boy. I don’t think I’d want it; it’s a lot of responsibility to hold a person’s heart in your hands.”

When I was younger, I would do anything for love. I was curious and excited that in any place I went, I’ve always had this ridiculous hope in my heart that there was a huge chance for me to finally meet “the one”. I was always fascinated by the idea of falling in love and being loved. I don’t know why but maybe because just the thought of it can make any individual raw and eye-sparkling. Just like Lara Jean: ‘in love with love’. I know there are also women out there who go through this stage of searching for someone who would go all-crazy for them because it’s true, we are all fond of being wanted. But we have to realize that becoming somebody’s necessity isn’t the sole measurement of our value as a person. I used to think that a lasting relationship is the only goal, but now that I am older, I realized that there are more important things in life than being adored and praised. 

In this world full of illusions and daydreams, it is easy to resort to making a person feel special just to fall into the trap of labels and restrictions. The challenging part is how to admire and love someone unconditionally without demands and shallow judgments, how to keep one’s own identity and sense of individuality even when you are already partners. If you limit your world to each other’s share of affection alone, that’s when you begin to encage each other from growth. So much power over someone has a price to pay; and love does not work that way. Initially, you must have hoped for a man (or a woman) who will have his/her world revolve around you and nothing more… but that’s when expectations get in the way. It will just break you knowing his/her heart shatters just because you could not become everything they ever wanted anymore

3. “I'm always wondering about the what-ifs, about the road not taken.”

I know there are things that couldn’t be unveiled on a whim but as long as there are unanswered questions, unforgiven mistakes, and unsaid words, I do always look back, and at the same time, look forward to the possibility of discovering clarity. Being a risk-taker myself, my greatest fear in life is waking up in bed of desolation with gray hair, doleful soul, and lifeless-beating heart just because I never did try to do and know one major thing in the past. I love the idea that a certain moment can potentially be better or be at its best if only we rigorously contemplate on the how to’s. You have to put yourself out there and as long as you are never idle, trust the journey. You want to know something? Ask for it. You want to have something? Act on it. Trust the journey and your HEART–always let your conscience be your guide. No matter what the outcome of your attempt will be, what matters is at the end of the day, you will have no regrets, or maybe you would, but not much… because you know you did everything you could on your part. I think the beauty of making things happen is you find out the answers yourself, and that’s so much better than to spend the rest of your days wondering what awaits you on the other side, because you realized you never had the grit to cross it. Maybe through this, we can finally say that we did our all, even though things did not turn out fine, it’s our all… and that’s enough. Without waffling, without a heavy heart, we can finally move forward. 

4. “I want to keep it so when this is over, I can have something to look at and remember.”

Just like Lara Jean, I like to save things: low quality photographs, candy/gift wrappers, love letters, withered roses (or even just a petal), entrance tickets, heart-shaped leaves, pebbles from first-date spots, emptied bottled water from fieldtrips, and anything at all that would definitely remind me of a seemingly ordinary but unforgettable moment in my life. One of my greatest mistakes is defining a person based on how they have wronged me and not on the irreplaceable memories they have given me. That’s why I really do encourage you to appreciate even the simplest gestures. This is how things will be for me even when the person I have shared that moment with is no longer present in my life, as long as respect and sincerity remains, I believe that I should never take the days they have filled with happiness and love for granted. Over the years, I personally am not amenable with not looking back, or with trying to fade and forget the scars or smiles of yesterday. For me, bygones will always be part of who I am today. 

5. “People come in and out of your life. For a time they are your world; they are everything. And then one day they’re not. There’s no telling how long you will have them near.”

Through the years, I have learned to never miss an opportunity to make the ones you love feel how much you value them, how happy and blessed you are that God gave you the opportunity to spend time with them. If you are in a relationship right now, no matter how clichè this may appear, keep in mind that you will never truly understand the importance of every second you were with a person until time no longer allows you to have another. You see, it’s really a one in a million chance to give and receive a sturdily founded love. While you still hold that precious gift of emotion, do everything in your power to treat your person rightly and kindly. I know regrets are inevitable because everyone is flawed and we commit mistakes, you may have given all these rights of showing them how you feel in only a short span of time, but in the end, what counts are not the material things you had handed but all the emotions you had embedded in their hearts. This goes to everyone who is important to you. Because “There’s no telling how long you will have them near.”

6. “I suppose you can’t hold on to old things just for the sake of holding.”

You’ll know it. You’ll know it when a relationship is already toxic, self-destructing not only for you, but also to the person you worked so hard to fix. This maybe applicable for those couples who are still trying to keep it intact in spite of seeing each other bruised and limping. I have one question for you, “How can you endure seeing the face of your lover have tears streaming down just for the sake of saving face?”. Too many voices will emerge, but when the day ends and you are alone in the dark, glaring blankly at nowhere, you’ll hear the voice that truly matter, and that voice will be the loudest. You’ll know it. God will never leave you clueless. Yes, it’s going to be difficult to face the world alone, as if you are an entirely different person, as if facing the vast woods as a lost traveler, but you have to get a grip on yourself and make the next choice. Life waits for no one. Truly, staying in love is a choice everyone has to make to make any relationship last. But along making this choice comes with compromises. How will you know if you have already reached the end? When neither one of you is willing to compromise, to make amendments. If you genuinely love a person, you’ll do anything for their happiness, even if that happiness excludes you. It’s hard to uphold these things if the relationship is not God-centered, it’s difficult to do things for a person when love already turned to hate. But you see, it’s impossible to gravely hate each other when God is there. “To be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love with all your soul”. Things may not make sense right now but cling to God, everything will be alright.

7. “I know now that I don’t want to love or be loved in half measures. I want it all, and to have it all, you have to risk it all.”

I could not agree more with this. If there is one advice I will tell anyone when it comes to love, it will be this: “You deserve it all or nothing at all”.

 At some point in your life, it will hit you; it will be so impactful that you will long for nothing but to believe it. Simply because life does not guarantee kindness all the time and it will just be lugubrious if you stick around with someone who falters about his feelings for you. All the love that you have been giving away all this time will not find their way back to you if you will continue to engage yourself in diminution. Remember, you are treated as far as you allow. My own interpretation with this one on the ‘risking’ part is you have to risk not to settle for anything less. You are in danger if you focus on worldly pleasures and pressures. The best things require patience and TIME. You have to take time and risk to concentrate on things that are most significant in order to become the best version of yourself–that’s the only time that you will fully discern the rightful love for you. 

8. “There’s a Korean word my grandma taught me. It’s called jung. It’s the connection between two people that can’t be severed, even when love turns to hate. You still have those old feelings for them; you can’t ever completely shake them loose of you; you will always have tenderness in your heart for them.”

This may seem another difficult task to fulfill but let us refrain from implicating to our loved ones to let go of any thoughts or care that they had for their past relationships. Let us prevent jealousy from winning for it already provoked many to lose what they already have. You only fool and burden yourself if you look back with grief and regrets. Nothing and nobody is impeccable that’s why it is better to look back with gratitude; knowing that your past experiences, joy and pain altogether, helped a lot in molding you to become the better person you are today, in preparing you to embrace tomorrow and the person that’s truly meant for you. We cannot delete people in our lives, each of us fits and completes the puzzle. 

9. “Once she’s decided something, that’s it. Like she said: when she’s done, she’s just done. There’s no waffling, no regrets. I wish I was more like her. Because sometimes it feels like I’ll never be done.” 

 There are times when we are unsure of the decisions that we are making. However, there are encounters where we are obliged to promptly execute choices in consideration of the people involved and their feelings. There are times when a person’s corresponding plans depend on the choice we are about to make, and simply making any choice and being firm about it is the least we can do than leaving them hanging. I mean, the decision is theirs but we wouldn’t want to halt the pace they are at. No matter how much we want to go for what’s best and convenient for us, we must, above all, be sensitive about the magnitude of our actions. Be very careful of the things you say and do. Be careful not to make a fool of yourself thus you must practice what you preach. Some words cannot be taken back, some deeds cannot be undone; that is why it is a vital responsibility not to baffle others just because of our irresolution and of our incapability to be stern with ourselves.

10. “Be careful with your heart. Things feel like they’ll be forever, but they aren’t. I can go away, or people can, without even meaning to. Nothing is guaranteed.”

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 I have met men and women who shared their stories how their immense love destroyed them, them who did and gave up everything for the name of love, only to find out they have made permanent sacrifices for something ephemeral. Protect your heart from drowning at times of drought, strengthen it, nourish it, filter everything that gets through it. Some who failed to do so had turned into someone that they are not, did awful things that they do not want, that they can’t even decipher. This normally happens when we conceive that we can take all matters into our hands, that we can make everything work out using our own knowledge, that we can vigoriously impose our desires on others. The first step to becoming disappointment-proof is to accept that we are limited and meek. For in the Lord, when we are weak, then we are strong. When we rely our happiness on ourselves or on humans’ superficiality, we will never reach the peak of genuine joy. But if we do center our happiness towards God, everything will happen in His perfect time. For he already knows the desires of our hearts way before we fervently seeked Him for these. He will fulfill his promises, no questions asked. He is always true to His words and His love never fails if you will only allow Him to take the wheel.