#there r some real shit dog breeders out there

[stinkybrowndogs]

Why r people mad about labradoodles?

Hrrrmmm ok so. Bear with me 🐻

I would categorize this as very niche drama. Withen the world of Dog People, doodles are a bit of a hot button topic. Many poodle breeders and fanciers are very Anti-doodle because often doodles are coming from breeding programs that are not up to the same "ethical" (for lack of a better term) standards that many reputable breed clubs hold. This can be anything from lack of health testing parent dogs, not breeding to a physical standard or for physical/tempramental balance (classic back yard breeder stuffs). On top of that, the doodle fad has created many offshoots of the original lab/poodle combo, including but not limited to goldendoodles (golden retriever x poodle), aussiedoodle (australian shepherd x poodle), and bernadoodles (bernese mountain dog x poodle).

Honestly though, i see far more doodle breeders these days who do genuinely love what the "breed" has become and are bringing the higher standard of care that should be expected in the dog breeding world.

In theory, doodles could be produced responsibly, but i dont know that any respectable poodle breeder would volunteer their dogs for such projects, mostly due to the stigma surrounding doodles. I expect that it will be pretty difficult to find more responsible poodle and lab breeders to jump back on board the doodle train, but i dont think its impossible either. I dont see anything wrong with people being enthusiastic and wanting to do better by their dogs.

All that being said, dog people r fucking nuts which is why ppl r frothing at the mouth but honestly. Honestly. At the end of the day.

Its just fucking dogs ppl

[szopenhauer]

it seems that the average survey-taker is a white american female, aged 15-19, who has a car, a cell phone, and an extensive social circle. is this true for you? I’m a white female but not from America and I’m much older, have no car nor friends, just cellphone

have you seen any silent films? I love Buster Keaton 

would you rather be an actor, director, or soundtrack producer? actress and director

have you seen nbc’s ‘hannibal’? thoughts? (if you haven’t, do you want to?) no and don’t want to, yuk

on websites where you’re permitted to change your username, do you do so often, or do you keep the same one for long periods of time? I usually change after a few months

does your computer have a name?  I didn’t call this annoying piece of shit anyhow but maybe if I had a better computer...

are you eager to see how far science + technology will advance, or do you prefer an older way of doing things? do you think we are better off with these advancements, or not? I wish we had choice, I would like the world to be balanced, a bit of this and a bit of that, some advancements are necessary, some are cool but some are awful

what is your favourite comic book or graphic novel? does your favourite novel come in comic-book form? (if not, would you like it to?) I don’t read comics but from those I ever tried my fav manga was Doubt, webcomic (those I saw several but I forgot most of the titles by now) - Lackadaisy and I am fan of Aldebaran and Betelgeza 

Any friends who are constantly venting about their boyfriend?: it was common - me listening complains about my crush’es exes or current boyfriends/lovers/crushes

Have you ever been ice-skating?: once, in high school, didn’t like it

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep?: yeah

Did the end of Public Enemies make you sad?: I didn’t finish the movie

Do you obsessively apply lip-gloss or lip balm?: ewww, not at all

Do you think you’d have what it takes to shoot someone if you had to protect yourself?: I believe

What’s your most noticeable flaw?: ugh...

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? yes and that was awful because it was full of dead bugs

When you can tell that someone’s lying, do you call them out on it?: often

How many other blogs do you follow on Tumblr?: more than 300 

Does it ever scare you how fast time can go by?: could say so

Have you ever replied “OK” when someone confessed they liked you?: possibly :x

What does your grandma call you?: sigh...

What would you do for immortality and infinite youth?: dunno, definitely wouldn’t sell my soul or kill an innocent person but I would do some stuff for immortality 

Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub?: neither

Have you ever worn a nipple tassel?: haven’t

Ever played hide and seek in the woods on horseback at night?: wow, that’s weirdly specific and now I want this somehow :o

Have you ever held a baby chick?: wild bird’s babies and I regret that because it’s not helfpul for them actually

Do you think wine tastes like rotten fruit? yep

Have you ever felt the need to hide something about yourself?: sometimes, from certain people, I should be myself most of the time tho

Do you think pearls are attractive?: umm...

Have you ever wished you had a different name? Which name would you choose? but I like male ones more or non polish

Have you ever customised an item of clothing? I designed and my mom helped me, made changes for me

Do you prefer drawing or painting?  prefer to draw but look at paintings

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? if I could/had money to save then I would save for a bike, laptop, my own apartment etc.

Do you own any figurines?  cats, dogs, elephants, clowns, horses and others

If you have any siblings, how much rivalry is between you all? it’s complicated

When did you last have itchy eyes? recently

Is it dark outside right now? it’s getting darker 

Do you prefer framed photos or just sticking photos straight onto walls? I prefer them in an album, takes less space 

What’s your favourite type of cake? used to love sękacz the most

Have you ever woken up from a dream and believed it to have been real? I was confused 

If there’s a bug in your room, can you sleep or do you need to get it out? it depends on how annoying/dangerous it is

Do you prefer travelling alone or with people? I like to travel with my dad

What was the last baby animal you saw? pic or irl?

Do you give people high fives or hugs more often? hugs

How long have you known the last person you kissed? I knew her 10 years ago for awhile then we lost contact until this spring

When angry, do you get loud or quiet? depends

What do you currently hear right now? my parents talking

Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? dad

Last person you saw? parent

Did you have a nap today? nope

Are you easy to get along with? am not

When was the last time you were told you were cute? recently my gf called me cute and I’m like Catra about it

Have you ever forgotten to put on an oven mitt before you took something extremely hot out of the oven? not over, just hot pot

Do you own one of those airwick things that automatically sprays every few minutes? hell no

How many light bulbs are on in the room you are currently in? 3, one doesn’t work 

Have you ever had your phone taken away at school before? almost, teacher heard it calling but before they found out who’s phone that was it stopped ringing and I was safe

Do you look better with or without glasses? I’m always ugly 

What is your favorite type of bird? chicken, owl, flamingo, crow, barn swallow...

Did you go fishing a lot when you were younger? Do you now? I hate fishing, never been nor will go

Do you like more flowery scents or more clean scents? no scents, thank you Do you own a manual or electric toothbrush? manual, electric are horrible Preferred brand of toothpaste? m current is Meridol  Piece of make-up you cannot live without? I can live without it

Do you prefer heels or flats? flats are more comfy but I know how to walk in heels, just don’t like to

Do you eat meat? yep Do you still watch cartoons regularly? I recently started watching She-ra with my gf but before that I didn’t watch any animated shows for a long time (just fragments/episodes maybe) Do you leave the TV on and sleep to it? never Ever considered cannibalism? r u serious?... this is scary, I’m gonna puke :x Ever licked a battery? I’m not stupid What does your name mean? lily which was also going to be my name Do animals go to Heaven? hope so Babies are… irritating

When was the last time you saw a doctor? it would be easier to say when I didn’t because I see them too often Do you know anyone who is a firefighter? used to What was the last wedding you went to? my sister’s

What’s your favourite alcoholic beverage? blergh... Do you “binge-watch” tv shows? two episodes a day max What is your opinion of clowns? love Did you wear a necklace today? not today How old are your parents? about 60 What’s something odd you do when you’re anxious or nervous? personal Have you ever received a compliment from a stranger? I have, more than one time Is your wardrobe big enough for all your clothes? it’s not Do you plan ahead when it comes to your outfits? nah Have you ever shaved your face? I shaved my eyebrows (not whole)  What colour is your front door? silver with white paint coming off  Do you take the stairs or the elevator? stairs  Would you ever try herbal medicine as opposed to conventional medicine? I tried  Do you wear open-toed shoes? I despise those Have you ever been to a petting zoo? yeah, I was petting a raccoon <3 and chinchillas are so surprisingly fluffy  When was the last time you wore a button up shirt? weeks ago How many times have you consumed alcohol? once Do you often forget what you were just about to say? ocassionally when interrupted What’s your opinion of Australia? wouldn’t go there Do you own any striped sweaters? absolutely :) Have there ever been any forest or grass fires in your area? as every summer, also trash burn quite often

What color is the trash can in your kitchen? yellow What does the cover on the last book you read look like? it has two people sitting in front of each other Do you wear green on St. Patrick’s Day? I don’t celebrate this holiday, I dislike it Are you even Irish? not even partially Have you ever gotten a wig? What did it look like and what was it for? I have a bunch of wigs  How often do you use a shower cap? What does yours look like? I don’t own any If you wanted to get a cat, would you adopt from a shelter or buy from a breeder? Why? but I don’t want a cat What’s the shortest you’d be willing to cut your hair? almost bald? What do you do when you find a spiderweb in your room? leave it be or clean it

[odditycollector]

Anti-Parallel Evolution

[disclaimer: as always with just-so stories, i'm talking 'what i enjoy believing' not 'true with any authority']

This is kinda a continuation of my semi recent homestuck myth post, and kinda a continuation of my not even a little recent blackrom post**.

**[Which I think still holds up, although if I was re-writing it today I'd put either way less or way more effort into bullshitting the low-level mechanisms of reproduction, 'cause that's the least thought-out part & it shows. tldr: I enjoy believing trolls have many more than 2 parents.]

And alas but I've gotta ruin the "true thing” hidden in the homestuck myth post to go on with this one.

It's the last bit, where the early proto-trolls were, as a swarm, a single(ish?) superorganism in the way that a colony of earth ants or termites or bees can be best understood as a single superorganism, but then as the trolls evolved they became more and more individualistic until they are as we meet them.

Things that make more sense this way:

variation between "castes"

eg, why are there sea trolls? why are deep blue trolls apparently hoarding all the superstrength? why are there powers that you'd expect to find in yellows or ceruleans respectively... but not v.v.?

a: because at one time they were specialized "cells" of a superorganism, where the castes had different functions like how ants have soldiers and workers and breeders.

and those divisions were either too useful (for some definition of "useful") or too genetically baked in to be completely erased yet even if they've blurred.

incestuous slurry

eg, if the endgame is sexual reproduction, why not just have two parents and less confusion (even if imo it would be a waste of thinking about aliens)

a: because primitive superorganisms, to the best of my knowledge of science's knowledge, only hold together when they are all genetically similar. (This is why a cell in your liver is willing to cast its lot with a cell in your brain it will never meet.) Otherwise, individuals will *cheat* - find a way to reproduce outside what is best for the entire superorganism, and after that there are *more* genetic cheaters, who cheat more, and then... death by extremely slow existential cancer, is almost what it sounds like I'm describing here?

How genetically similar *are* trolls then?

no idea, but here is the thing: even if genetic similarity is GREAT for cooperation, it is CRAP for being a viable species that is not going to go the way of the genetically identical eating bananas - currently in the process of all getting killed by one disease strain. And if you're an r-selected** species - many many children, low resource investment, low survival to adulthood rates - you can afford to do a lot of genetic experimenting (ie, have a high mutation rate) because the fucked up ones will just die, like most of them do anyway, and hey, you never know.

**[Or close enough for this post.]

So this is what I'm positing.

your dna goes into the slurry, baby trolls come out of the slurry. check. but which baby trolls are made of YOUR dna in particular? Well, who's counting, but probably a lot. like "more than you'd get with 2 parents per troll" a lot.

If you have 20 paired chromosomes and (with some help >;) ), you split them down the middle and make 2 kids with half your dna each, you have an investment in getting those 2 kids as far in life as you can, because that's the whole you.

but split them further - say one chromosome per kid - and now you have *40* kids you're invested in seeing survive in order for there to be a whole copy of you still floating around in the 2nd generation.

But at the same time, you have way *less* of an investment in each one of those 40 than when it was only 2. And again, who's counting? Any number of the baby trolls crawling inside the caverns could have bits of you in their mix.

Instead of caring a *lot* about *some* members of your species, you care a *little* about *all* of them.

Maybe that's enough to get a species to hang out together? That'd be worth the energy it’d cost to do it if it'd be so.

That and... *one* other thing.

Cheaters, remember?

The way insects do it is central control. The non-queen individuals biologically cannot** reproduce on their own terms.

**[or close enough for this post]

oh hey, *who does that sound like*?

The thing I like to believe is trolls don't make eggs on their own, and haven't for millions and millions of years, b/c once upon a time when they still did make eggs they parasitized the proto-mothergrub species the way wasps lay their eggs in caterpillars, and this became proto-trolls parasitizing the proto-mothergrub species by making them make eggs containing proto-troll dna, and this became whatever is going on today.

(If you think that is too neat and unlikely you should look into the terrifying shit Earth insects have managed to get up to.)

So, with all that, could a species introduce significant genetic variation at the individual level and still survive as a superorganism?

Well...

it *didn't*, did it?

[And here's a thought.

[Spiders - singular insects - are r-selected the way trolls seem to be. Lots of eggs, few to reach adulthood, competition intense.

[but are *hive bees* r-selected?

[arguably, they are not. bee colonies don't make as many new bees as possible, they only make as many new bees as they need, and they provide the baby bees honey to eat and nursemaids to take care of them until they become adult bees.

[and isn't it kinda weird that post-pupation trolls seem somehow, like, *injured* by growing up by themselves in a harsh world, even though it “should” be what they are evolved for?

[Maybe they're meant to be less r-selected than we assume.

[That last bit's not What I Like To Believe(tm), but it's a thought.]

Wow that single quick intro paragraph got away from me a little :/

Anyway, parallel evolution is when two species, faced with similar constraints, evolve similar traits to deal with those constraints.

eg, flying squirrels and flying lizards both glide around on flaps of skin, but they have not shared an ancestor for a very very long time - They both developed the flying thing separately.

Humans... okay, we all know about humans, right? We were once more individualistic creatures but then we slowly, piecemeal, learned the trick of inter-group cooperation and used it to take over the world.

So humans were individuals who learned group-ishness, and trolls were a group that learned individuality, and then we all met together somewhere in the middle.

That’s what I think would be cool.

[bonus question: Humans have developed *intER*group cooperation. Trolls were starting from a place of *intRA*group connection and working backwards. Which one of us d'you suppose would be better at making interspecies friends, come alien contact?]

And the interesting part is, in both cases, you get there the same way.

via neoteny!

neoteny is when a species evolves to keep more child-like traits into adulthood. It's what fuels the domestication process - being docile and curious and trusting and friendly is a phase for *babies*. ...And/or any species that 1. naturally goes through that phase and 2. hangs around humans too long.

Including humans.

We are all giant whiny babies who have no one to blame but ourselves. That is science facts.

And genes are complicated and stuff so when you change the behaviour of a species you change the physical traits of the species as well, and a domesticated animal will keep child-like markings/features/etc into adulthood and that's why dogs have floppy ears.

But! Back to homestuck trolls.

It is easy to read what we are given in-comic as "these kids are growing less violent as they get older, and at the very beginning of their humanoid life - the 'trials' - they had to be really quite vicious indeed".

To illustrate my headcanons here’s a snippet from an old thing I wrote:

At about 5 sweeps is where things get interesting.

The trials are long over, and so the slow wave of settlement. There are enough resources to go around; bloodlust is falling out of fashion with the inexorable change of brain hormones. Suddenly, everyone is interested in figuring out the *rules*.

or:

“Yes,” she says. “Sure. Right. Karkat, you’ve survived this long with less challenge than anyone else I’ve known. Here.”

Kanaya pries the book from him and searches through it for a passage. “…proximity to the parasite has been observed to actuate the development of premature empathy in adolescent trolls.”

“Premature empathy,” Karkat repeats. “You mean that being around me makes trolls less aggressive. Just by *existing* at you, I made you *weak*. Oh fuck. I’m so sorry.”

I could argue my case in depth but it's not that unusual a theory and I don't wanna go on another whole essay tangent.

But the kid trolls only know what adults are like from their media, which is explicitly mentioned to make stuff just for kids, who are into violence. Maybe the troll child-friendly channel is the one with all the goriest stuff on it, idk, but I def. do not believe there is no adult-audienced media anywhere in the fleet.

So like

Humans: Neoteny --> more childlike --> more trusting, curious, and friendly

Trolls: Neoteny --> more childlike --> more individualistic and uncooperative

See? *backwards*

(And Her Imperious Condescension sure looks cool to the hs troll kids, but maybe she's just a spoiled brat who never really grew up. Not like THAT's not a theme for Homestuck villains.)

And now... here we are.

And the real reason I brought us all this way is because it opens up an potentially amusing cultural mismatch.

We have certain associations with facial proportions, right? It's neoteny all over again (and also some sexism but).

And maybe trolls have the opposite associations... for the same reasons**!

**[Yes I am assuming trolls have similar childhood traits because otherwise it isn’t funny.]

here are some neoteny linked traits:

low, large eyes small chin, nose large head:body size ratio short stature invokes the general abstract concept of roundness somehow etc.

Human RX:

adorable! helpless/vulnerable/needs protection i just met it and i loooove it! does it need hugs cause i have extra hugs just lying around here compelled to hold/pet/cuddle it

Troll RX (suggested):

vicious/violent/dangerous leave it alone or it will bite you probably unpredictable/disloyal selfish likely to end up dead anyway so not really worth caring about instinctual revulsion (judging from karkat + grubs)

and some anti-neotony linked traits:

smaller eyes, higher in head larger nose, jaw taller with smaller head:body ratio etc.

Human RX:

more likely to be dangerous (poss. in protection of itself/bonded others) suffers fools less than gladly, see also: unwanted attention self-sufficient jealous of resources/not good at sharing closed off/suspicious

Troll RX (hypothesized):

more emotionally stable more socially adept/a potential friend or ally competent/proven sex haver competent/proven at self protection safer to let down your guard around it able to usefully cooperate in groups towards shared goal

Okay? Okay.

okay......

So then imagine Karkat's reaction the first time he gets a puppy shoved in his face.

:)

The end.

I'm out of typing now.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #70

“so break me down if it makes you feel right.”

if you’re a girl, do you have big hips? too big? not really. when was the last time you had alcohol? what kind? yesterday. black cherry mike's hard lemonade. girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? some with sleeves, sure. do your parents treat you like you’re still a child? sometimes. what is the one stereotype people label you as most? i get emo a lot. i really don't care what stereotype i am. can people normally tell your mood, by your facial expression? yeah, honestly. i am SHIT at hiding my emotions. what are the initials of your last ex/ bf or gf? jar. how're you on this fine day? i'm at the tail end of a bad, bad, baaad panic attack. i went to bed crying last night and woke up a while ago; i couldn't sleep. i talked to my long-time friend jurro, who always has great advice to give me. they brought up the possibility of me having bpd (which has been brought up to me before), especially with my obvious favoritism towards jason. i read more about it, and i really think it's a liable diagnosis, and i guess that gave me some relief? i'm going to bring it up to my therapist, who i really need to see soon. describe the main problem with your last relationship? i've explained this so many times, yet i feel the need to keep fucking talking about it. the only real issue was jason not supporting me enough. by that i mean, he got tired of my depression. he didn't want to deal with it anymore. not that i blame him. i live with it and i don't want to deal with it anymore, but guess who can't leave it without destroying herself? if he truly gave a shit, it should've been the same for him. for so long, three and a half fucking years, he was there, and he did everything he could. then he just... snapped one day, i guess. so fucking sorry i'm too weak to make it on my own. what was the last thing that offended you? i'm not sure, honestly. probably something colleen said. what’s on your shower curtain? nothing. it's blank. what sounds do you hear? "alone i break" by korn is playing, and the tv's on. who was the newest addition to your family? ryder, my sister's son, is the newest, i believe. do you like muse? i like a few songs. "unnatural selection" is my SHIT. what was your first ever pet? we had a collie named trigger. she was a wonderful dog. have you ever been bit by an animal? never viciously, no. i remember once my lizard bit me when he was scared once (his light had been dead all day, so he was freezing), but it was barely even a nibble. i think i've told of the time my dog teddy bit towards me in a merely very "i'm warning you" type way. where is the person you miss the most right now? i would hope he's in bed asleep. how often do you take naps? every day, usually... typically after i'm up for an hour or less, i feel fucking exhausted and go back to sleep lol. are you planning any special outings with family or friends? not any "outings," but on saturday, the day before my birthday, mom and i are going to colleen's and i, for one, am getting drunk as fuck to forget some shit for a while. do you ever wear lipstick? what color(s) do you prefer? yes, i wear black, usually. what was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? smirnoff. it was okay. what’s your favorite feature of the person you’re currently interested in? his silly smile melts my fucking heart. the last song you listened to - does it remind you of anyone? "somebody, someone" by korn. and yeah. me. who was the last person to give you a hickey? only person to ever was jason. who was your high school’s most popular girl? that's debatable. idk. would you like to learn to play the harp? omg i always did as a child. what is the most drinks you’ve had in one night? was it five... maybe six? it was VERY weak alcohol, though. when is the last time you parked in a covered parking lot? probs when colleen, bradley, and i went to the beach last may. we had to drive through a great number of parking lots to find ONE spot. has a friend ever betrayed you? oh, you mean that time someone way more than a friend tried to lift me up, but only let go half-way in the effort? yeah. been there. is teenage pregnancy common in your area? eh, no less or more than other places, i guess. do you see the new year as a fresh start? no. do your parents own their house or is it rented? the house i live in with mom is rented. i'm almost positive dad's and kim's is owned. have you ever joined in a protest? if so, what against? no. it'd be a cold day in hell before something like a protest happened here in nc. do people ever complain that you’re too quiet? always. and i don't get why it's just that: a complaint. being quiet isn't a bad thing. do you know anyone that’s ever suffered from post natal depression? i have a friend who's suffering with it now. do you like black licorice? i don't like licorice period. do you sleep in your bra? fuck that. what would you do if someone smacked your butt? well, who's doing it and where are we? if it was jason, he'd get pinned against a damn wall while i kiss him. anyone else, with the mood i'm in, i'd slap the shit out of them. dog ever licked you down there? wHAT THE FUCK do you think you’ll be a MILF? lmao no. would you immediately look for someone right after you and your bf/gf broke up? if we were in a serious relationship, obviously not. i'd need to recover. do you sleep naked, or nearly so? no. i used to sleep without a shirt when i lived in the apartment because i was cooler, but for obvious reasons, i'm not comfortable doing that with my mother and little sister in this house. will you kiss the last person you kissed again? honestly, it'd be a dream come true. do you wish someone was dead? i wish i didn't. what is your dad’s name? kenneth, or just "ken" would you ever like to meet marilyn manson? debatable. he's one of my favorite artists, but from what i know of him, he's not a person i'd agree with on almost anything. what do you look like right now? i don't fucking know, a person?? a heavily depressed son of a bitch??? how many of your friends play world of warcraft? i did. i really don't know if i'll go back to it when i get my computer fixed. my friends sam, girt, and alex also play(ed). is your dad bald? he's not. do you remember the name of the first bar you ever went to? i've never been to a bar. have no plans to go to one, really. have you ever made a sex tape? no, and i never will. have you ever drank cough syrup to get high? no. have you ever felt yourself fainting? i have. would you ever own a rat? i've owned four: tezzeret, rhoka, rhett, and link. i may get another some day, but this time, from a breeder. would you or do you ever spank your kids?  NO. do you look pretty today? no. my eyes are red and watery, i haven't brushed my hair yet... do you feel you’re capable of being loved? no. if jason couldn't, no one can. have you ever felt lifeless? i have. many times. weirdest shit, to feel like that and still be perfectly alive. do you remember the first alcoholic drink you ever had? yeah. pink lemonade mike's hard. do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? i want jason, not necessarily anyone else. do you chew on your straws? no. do you plan on moving out within the next year? no, i don't. are you a forgiving person? too much so, usually... what is your all-time favorite romance movie? "the notebook" murders me every time. have you ever purchased condoms? i haven't, but jason bought them for us once. i got really close to leaving behind my abstinence once, and because of that, he said he did it just to be safe. we never used them, but it was a smart decision. have you ever had shower sex? no. i'm honestly not that into the idea. have you ever caught someone else watching porn? no. what size shoe are you? seven and a half, i think... have you ever sent a nude snapchat? no, i don't have a snapchat. what to you would the perfect life consist of? honestly, you could wipe out everything, and just give me jason. let us have one child to cherish beyond vocalization. and i would be happy. have you ever had a sexy skype chat? ha ha no, the only times i've ever chatted on skype with webcam was with jason, and we were ever only lazy bums in our pajamas... have you ever had a sexual gay experience?  i have not. have you ever shoplifted?  i have not. is there a guy who you can go to with no make-up on in sweatpants and bedhead and he couldn’t care less? girt, probably. jason, if he was still around. do you and your family pray before eating dinner? only on thanksgiving, really. what’s something you’ll always refuse to do? i mean, lots of things. i'd never have an abortion, get a divorce unless my spouse became violent/dangerous, various other things... what’s the best thing at mcdonald’s? i seriously like their cheeseburgers. would you ever get a tattoo of your favorite band or singer’s name? no. i plan on getting MANY lyrics tattooed on me, though. what’s your iood/mp3 player like? it's a super old, pink nano-type. it's way past its life expectancy. has a few scuffs and scratches here and there. do you own any form of a gameboy? i do; my sisters and i all had/have one. they don't all work anymore, though. what’s the best part about halloween? D E C O R A T I N G!!! do you have any pets and do you want any(more)? we have three dogs, teddy (beagle/cocker spaniel), cali (boxer mix), and bentley (jack russel mix), and one cat named lexi. i'm currently only really wanting a ball python morph, but adopting a lizard again would be nice... a rat, too... what’s the best pokemon? ninetales is the best! but i also reeeaaally like espeon and umbreon. do you play any sport? no. i haven't played sports since dance. do you watch beauty pageants? absolutely not. i disagree with their entire concept. do you like nutella? i do, very much so. are you into ripped jeans? yes. makes them appear more dynamic and interesting. which band has the best name, in your opinion? i'm not sure. none come to mind immediately... do kids often knock on your door on halloween? they never do. we live in what can barely even be considered a neighborhood, just a couple houses in the middle of the woods. have you ever witnessed an extreme act of animal cruelty? thank heavens, no. have you ever actually woken up screaming because of a nightmare? yes. i was sleeping on the recliner with jason and nearly gave him a heart attack. how many people in your family have blue eyes? idk, but not many. the only ones i know of are myself, my deceased grandpa, my half-brother, and my niece. who is your favorite actor/actress? probably betty white and johnny depp if you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose? i'd be a dragon, far away from human civilization so people won't want to kill me for no particular reason... are you satisfied with your gender? even if i wasn't, what would i do about it? do you post to say happy birthday on other people’s walls? honestly depends on how close we are and my mood. have there ever been floods where you live? many. do you listen to k-pop? i never have. i have an acquaintance from high school that's like in love with it though. do you know (of) anyone who has committed suicide? i know of people, yes. most notably my sister's ex. there's potential that i know someone who has, too, as i knew her online, she was heavily suicidal, then she just vanished. do you eat meat every day? usually, typically at dinner. do you like your country’s president or prime minister? no, i don't. i agree with some of his policies, most notably his outlook on abortion, but overall, i cannot stand him. he has a horrid, childish attitude, and a relatively naive outlook on things. do you listen to christmas music during the holiday season? i don't. virginia, jason's mom, always did though. she loved the holidays and was always so expressive of her enjoyment of them all. i miss her... i hope she's doing well, too. she had a few health issues. do you like ginger ale? only when i'm ill. what color is your can of deodorant? it's baby blue. what is the middle name of the last person you texted? marie how far do you live from the ocean? ehhh, like three hours, probably less. are you a fan of eminem? he's the only rapper i'd consider myself a fan of. he actually sings about shit that matters on a regular basis. do you wear a ring on your finger? i have a ruby/garnet/whatever on my right ring finger, and i want to fix the ring jason gave me to wear on my left pointer finger... but it's in a box somewhere. i had it in the jewelry box he bought me, but most of our shit's been packed up from when we were threatened with eviction, and personally i don't feel like going through dozens of boxes. do you like the song ‘i kissed a girl’ by katy perry? i'll admit it's catchy and reminds me of when i was younger. the last person you kissed, is he/she single now? last i checked, no. how many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? hundreds of times. does it bother you when people smoke around you? honestly, yes. but i don't say anything. ever kissed a smoker? no, and i highly doubt i ever will. a smoker has kissed me, though. do you know anyone who has their eyebrow pierced? a former friend did when did you last talk to your brother or sister? i couldn't tell you. ashley doesn't live here and nicole doesn't say a word to me unless she needs something or if i initiate conversation. do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? regular bacon would you ever buy a motorcycle? no. too dangerous. most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? james hetfield of metallica like fuck me he could be my daddy in more than one way can insanity bring on more creativity? it does, but it's not something i'd advise pursuing. basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? maroon. where is your mom? she's currently at mrs. ricks' house, a patient she takes care of. have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? with jason, hundreds of times. how long until your next birthday?  four days!! ;v; favorite thing to do on tumblr? see what gay shit is going down in the r&l community. have you ever experienced being hysterical? it's a familiar feeling. have you ever ridden a boat? i have. has anyone ever threatened to hurt you? what did you do?   yes, by a lovely little bitch named rachel.  and when things truly escalated, i told my mother.  call me a tattle-tail for it, but i wasn't an adult at the time.  we were both teenagers.  mom was so pissed that she confronted her father about the issue (she knew where she lived because my older sister has a history with the bitch, too...), and while he spoke to rachel supposedly, he didn't seem to give a shit.  the behavior stopped, though. have you ever seen someone’s personality change completely in a manner of minutes? what was it like?   no, thankfully. do you tend to expect the best or the worst of people?   the worst.  i have no reason to behave otherwise. what color are your pants?   mostly black, but there's also a graphic of classic harley quinn with "hey, puddin'" written beneath her.  tbh i usually wore these if i wanted attention from jason lmao kill me. any turn ons?   whispering, neck kisses/bites, very gentle choking, gentle touching in general, other things i'm just not thinking of right now... what's your cover photo on facebook?   it's a picture of jason and me from our second prom.  we're smiling at each other. any turn offs?   bad hygiene, being rough, being violent, etc... most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)?   jason's humility and him softening as a person in general. are you more of an independent person or dependent person?   i'm honestly extremely dependent. are you usually the first to forgive in a fight?   it sure seems that way. do you prefer boys to shave down there?   i don't care.  do what makes him feel more comfortable in himself. do you think it’s appropriate to keep naked pictures of an ex, or should you delete them when you break up?   it definitely does sound appropriate to have naked pictures. would you ever get a back tattoo?   i already have one planned for along my spine: "once upon a time, i ripped the wings from my spine, but when i hide inside your eyes, i still pretend that i can fly."  it's one of my favorite lyrics from otep. favorite kind of bean? kidney? black? pinto?   i absolutely hate beans. when you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into?   keeping my husband happy, preparing for children, etc... do you have photoshop? if so, how often a day do you use it?   i had to have it for school.  i like... never use it. wonder woman or cat woman?   cat woman. would you like other people to see your survey answers?   i'm neutral.  like i guess it helps when people wanna talk/give me advice from their unique perspective, but i don't want people to bother with me? do you often feel guilty?
   i fucking always do.  about everything. have you ever had a serious mental break down?   you know, like, every week. how long was your longest relationship?   three and a half years did you ever honestly believe you were going to marry your high school boyfriend/girlfriend?   yes.  i did.  i still refuse to believe i won't.  he was my favorite person, and still is.  but what happens when you're breaking down your fp, entirely inadvertently, while they're building you up?  ka-boom.  i guess that's just what i did to him. are you a virgin? do you believe virginity is “sacred”?   i am, and yes, it is.  i refuse to just give it up to any 'ole body. what’s a song you recently discovered that you want to tell everyone about?   "breakdown" by seether.  i wonder  if it's how jason feels towards me. does the last person you kissed have freckles?   no, he doesn't. assuming you’re in love or have been in love before, how does or did it make you feel?   on top of the world.  that first realization that i was in love with him... it was like being born again.  but in a new dimension.  stick with me here.  i was in a new world where nothing could hurt me, because he was my shield, and i was also his.  we were one.  partners.  two names, one soul.  he was the reason i could rest, because his eyes were open while i slept.  i could reveal myself to him, because his heart and mind were opened.  he took all that shit and crushed it beneath his heel, though, so i guess it doesn't really matter. in school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in?   usually english or science. what’s the age difference between yourself and your best friend?   less than a year. has someone close to you ever told you they were going to commit suicide because of you?   oh my god, no.  i'd die. do you like opossums? do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets?   i LOVE opossums!  they're so cute!  as for if it's ethically right to keep them as pets, i'm honestly not sure as i'm not well-educated on what they would require as a house animal.  i mean i certainly wouldn't agree with someone taking them out of their natural habitat to be a pet, but i guess i'd be fine with someone raising an abandoned opossum baby, so long they gave them the care necessary. what is your favorite unhealthy drink that you like to consume (if you have one, that is)?   mountain dew, the voltage variety being my favorite.  i know it's wiiiildly bad for you, but omg i love it. what are your thoughts on nihilism?   it's rather sad, and can also be so dangerous if you truly believe nothing has meaning/nothing matters. when and where was the last time you were or felt lost?   daily???  i haven't mentally felt like i'm "home" for a long, loooong time. has a tree ever fallen down on your house? 
  two or three times, lmao.  oh wait no, one of those times is where it fell on the propane tank beside our house (it didn't explode, it was literally inches from the top of it, though).  the only time i clearly remember a tree falling on the house is when the tree collapsed literally on top of my room, and i slept through it.  dad had to saw the tree multiple times to get it off the house, and we had to get some leaks patched. do you know anyone that actually looks good wearing bright red lip stick?   i don't think i look too bad with it. if you were poor, living on the streets, & had no family to aid you, would you take up a job offer to work in a slaughterhouse?   i... maybe.  living on the streets has to be a literal nightmare, so i doubt a slaughterhouse would be much worse... but killing animals, i would literally cry on a daily basis.  i don't know if i could do it. do you feel sorry for the people who get killed by their pets [some people own / tend to monkeys, tigers, lions, snakes, etc. & get killed by them] or do you think they had it coming?   i mean i would never not feel sorry for someone who died, but at the same time, i would agree it to be foolish to keep a dangerous animal. whose facebook password do you have?   no one's but my own. have you ever wanted to strip naked in front of someone?   and i did. how often do you go to church?   i try to go with colleen every weekend now.  she's just been really sick lately, so we haven't been going. speaking of church, are you going to heaven or hell?   ... i don't know anymore.  like, i accept jesus as my lord and savior, etc., but i feel so wicked sometimes.  like... i wish death upon someone i don't know.  i love someone more than i do god and jesus.  i've been furious with god lately.  heaven probably doesn't want me. would you date/hook up with your brother’s best friend?   no, he'd be too old for me personally. have you ever wondered what it’s like to have sex on a trampoline?   well.  hot damn.  there's another one on my bucket list lmao. what is the weirdest music video you’ve ever seen?   hmm.  not sure. what is something of which you need more in your life?   social interaction.  i'm an introvert and all, but i don't have enough company throughout my days. do you enjoy talking about music with others?   YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS I WILL TALK FOR HOURS what are the color of your walls? do you want to repaint?   boring white/beige/whatever.  i'd like to repaint, sure, but this house is rented, not owned, so we can't. do you have any siblings who neglect you?   ... i feel that way, yeah.  my older half-siblings i don't feel that way, 'cuz they live forever away and have busy, adult lives, and even ashley is very busy, but nicole, who lives with me... i feel like she doesn't care.  she's never home and acts like she lives with her good-for-nothing boyfriend, and when she is here, she doesn't talk to me.  doesn't look at me.  never says a word to me, even when she knows i need comfort.  she doesn't interact with me period unless i initiate conversation.  i just.  feel like when she/me/we move out, we'll never talk again.  i don't want to lose my little sister. what were the last three movies you watched in theaters?   "trolls," "the jungle book," and uhhh... i'm not sure. do you believe in ghosts, spirits or demons?   spirits/ghosts/whatever have you, demons, and angels. did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls?   until the news of a dirty syringe being found in a local one, yes. are you attracted to the last person that kissed you?   i am.  when i first met him, i thought he looked "odd," and he does look rather different, but i honestly believe him to be handsome. what did you do yesterday?   not much at all...  sat on the computer.  talked to a couple online friends.  talked with colleen.  cried a lot. something you really want right now?   honestly all i want is to cuddle with j right now.  underneath a big, fleecy blanket, and just watch our old, favorite shows. do you look more like your mom or your dad?   debatable.  i've heard both. describe your looks to us:   i am 5'4'', white and very pale, overweight with my weight pretty evenly distributed, i have lithe hands with long fingers and very small toes.  i have blue eyes that sometimes look more greenish or grayish.  my ears are pierced multiple times, as well as my nose.  i have three tattoos.  my hair just reaches my breasts and is ruby-red in coloration.  how i dress varies greatly. could you forgive a boyfriend or friend who physically hurt you?   no, fuck you. are you afraid of death?   i am.  i'm most concerned about how badly it'll hurt/how i'll die. do you think you’ll be one of those people that will get a divorce in the future?   no, because i'd literally refuse to leave my spouse unless he became dangerous. last person you kissed on the lips said that you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them?   if he leaves his current girlfriend, sure. are thongs sexy?   not to me... but then again, i'm not attracted to feminine garb. is penetration important to you?   considering i was fine doing purely foreplay with jason/having no penal-vaginal penetration, no, it's not very important. what is your sexuality?   i am heterosexual, but have some asexual tendencies, ex. i am not physically attracted to male genitalia. do you prefer long or short hair on the opposite sex?   long is fucking sexy. would you rather have 10 siblings or be an only?   ten.  that'd be cool. what is your opinion on legalizing drugs?   it's fucking stupid to even mildly consider it.  i know a lot of people think it will lessen crime with drugs, but ha, i HIGHLY doubt it.  besides that, why legalize something dangerous?  murder's wrong, should we legalize that shit, too?  and i mean, we already have enough controversy over things like cigarettes and alcohol, two very dangerous things, why add another to the mix? do you drink coffee on a regular basis?   no, i hate coffee. do you like country music?   no, i don't.  it's very rare that once in a while i'll hear a song i like, but it's seldom. are you afraid of black cats?   not at all. do you watch the lightning during storms?   omgggg yes what is the weirdest thing you have ever done with a crush or significant other?   i guess you could consider borderline fucking on a chaise in the open living room "weird?"  but shit was fun. do you shave your arms even though it supposedly grows back thick?   i shave my underarms, not my arms. do you ever get too lazy to clean up your pet’s pee and leave it for your parents to do it?   no, if teddy pees, i clean it up. what insects or bugs do you fear most?   rhinoceros beetles are fucking terrifying, praying mantises are kinda scary... i also just don't like beetles in general. do you think weed is just as bad as cigarettes?   it's worse.  it's been proven to have more carcinogens. who taught you to drive, and were you happy with their approach?   my driver's ed teacher was mr... cone, i think?  he was fine.  besides him, mom taught me to drive, and she was waaaay too strict/yelled a lot. do you get seasick or carsick?   carsick, no.  seasick, i'm not entirely sure.  i've only been on a boat on the ocean once, and it was my anxiety that nearly made me puke. is sex on your mind more than 3 times a day?   lately, yeah. do you like it up against the wall?   errr, i'm going to just go along with this.  i wouldn't know, never tried, but sounds fun. are you smiling?   lmao what do you think, i just sit at my computer smiling like a madman all day? what has been the most traumatic experience of your life? does it still bother you?   by far, jason leaving me.  and obviously, as i've been diagnosed with ptsd because of it. was your last kiss drunk or sober?   i've never kissed someone while drunk, so. have your lips ever gone numb from kissing?   lmao, that's possible?  i've kissed for hours on end and have never experienced that. why did you first kiss the last person you kissed?   because i really liked him.  why else? are monday mornings the hardest mornings to wake up to?   no no no, new gmm!! do you want to know the date of your death?   absolutely not. have you ever kissed an ex after you broke up?   no. do you wear hair extensions?   nah. do you wear eyeliner?   if i ever wear makeup, yes, i always do. do either of your parents have tattoos?   neither do.  mom wants one, though. your phone is ringing. it’s your ex. what do you say?   "hi, sweetheart." what is your natural hair color?   i was born dirty blonde, but it turned brown with age. is your dream job attainable?   realistically, for me, no.  i'd like to be a meerkat biologist, but i'm not moving to africa. have you ever been to a drive-in theatre?   no, but that'd be soooo fun! :( what moment in your life have you been most scared?   those first moments after jason told me it was over.  the moment i told mom, "jason broke up with me," because it was my true acknowledgment that it was over.  can you imagine how it'd feel like to be skinned alive?  to have all your flesh ripped away, leaving you bare and vulnerable?  that's what it felt like. do movies such as ‘saw’ and ‘the grudge’ scare you easily?   "the grudge" is a fucking awesome movie (think i've only seen the second, tho), but i'm not a "saw" fan.  i just... eh, they're too bloody.  to an exaggerated degree.  and i don't like seeing people so scared. do you have an ipod? how many songs are on it?   yes, and over 1,000.  i sometimes have to delete songs to make room for more. how do you get to school?   i'm not in school anymore, but when i was, mom always drove me there. would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness?   i don't really want to adopt period, but i don't know if hypothetically i would, but merely for the child's own well-being.  i am seriously mentally ill, and because of this, i don't really know if i'm capable of raising said child in a completely healthy environment. gas prices...first thought?   lower than they used to be, at least.  i remember when they were over $4.00 favorite non sexual thing to do with girl/boy?   play two-player video games together. :D