This is the start of a list of things I never expected to say but have said because of my cats:
- Don’t poke the possum’s ass.
- Mini the possum doesn’t want to be your friend.
- DON’T EAT MY PHONE CHORD.
- I don’t want your asshole on my nose. (Said moments before a cats asshole almost touched the tip of my nose.)
- Hey bud could you clean your ass before you stick it in my face?
- You’re really cute sitting on the toe of my boot but I’m late for work so if you could just…
- Mini your brother doesn’t want you licking his ass. I’m not surprised he smacked the shit out of you. NO STOP.
- DON’T STALK THE CAR! (Some of the cats are feral and not very smart.)
- Are you trying to pierce my nipple because I’d rather you not.
- You’re lucky I caught you. (Mini tried to throw herself into my hand and almost threw herself off a balcony.)
- Please stop putting your whiskers up my nose.
- Stop opening my door at 3 am to beg for food! You’re a chunky cat and can survive until breakfast.
- Who needs sleep? Obviously not the two kittens who are playing on my feet.
- Don’t hiss at me. This is my house.
- Can you not open the bathroom door while I’m taking a shit? (The bathroom door has a direct view of the front door which was not closed when Apollo opened the door as far as it could go before he just turned around and left.)
- Why is the bathroom door closed? How long have you been in here? (Apollo can only open the door to go into the bathroom but not to leave the bathroom.)
- Please don’t open the bathroom door right now? (Said right before Helios who CAN open the bathroom door from inside the bathroom opened the door.)
- DON’T JUMP IN THE FIRE! (Said right before I caught Mini in mid air trying to jump into the fire.)
- The plants are not a toy. STOP PLAYING WITH THAT!
- If you don’t want to feel like I’ve trapped you in the car don’t get in it while I’m carrying in groceries. Now get out.
- Please stop eating like that. You’re going to choke yourself. (Said to Shadow who uses her bottom jaw like a shovel to scoop up as much food as possible before she spits it out all over the floor next to her food dish.)
- Raccoons and Possums eat quieter than you.
- Apollo why are you just watching the possum eat the food dad just put out because you begged for him to put out food for you? (I’m convinced Apollo was fattening up the possum.)
- Dad a cat is about to steal your food. (There are so many versions of this one.)
- Get out from underfoot you tiny fluffy terror.
- I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to kick you in the head but you also kind of ran into my foot. Are you ok? (She was indeed ok and has learned zero lessons. Usually she appears out of nowhere directly underfoot or runs head first into your foot.)
- Stop attacking the door. (One of those slide on to help keep the cold out and the heat in things that goes on the bottom of the door.)
That’s all the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Life with cats is chaos.
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Ive said this before but swear the biggest skill to learn as an adult is how to resist high-pressure sales tactics. You do NOT have to answer questions with anything other than "Sorry I'm not interested." No matter how nice they are or no matter how many follow up questions they ask or even how agitated they get when you stand your ground. Just keep saying I'm not interested. Don't answer their questions. Don't give them an opening to try to push back on your reasons. Be a fucking brick wall of I'm not interested.
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You gotta read and watch some old books and films that aren’t 100% modern politically correct. I’m not saying you should agree with everything in them but you need to learn where genres came from to understand what those genres are doing today and where media deconstructing old tropes is coming from.
Also, more often than you might think, they’re not actually promoting bigotry so much as “didn’t consider all the implications of something” or just used words that were polite then but considered offensive now.
Kill the censor in your head.
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VERY IMPORTANT a dam in the Netherlands, the weerdsluis lock, is directly on a migratory path for spawning fish. They have a worker stationed there to open the door for the fish, but they can take a while to open it. So to keep the fish from getting preyed on by birds they installed a doorbell. Only, the fish don't have hands to ring the doorbell. If you go to their website, they have a LIVE CAMERA AND A DOORBELL that YOU RING FOR THE FISH when they're waiting, and then the dam worker opens the door for them! I can't express how obsessed I am with this. look at this shit. oh my god.
Please check on the fish doorbell once in a while :)
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yknow AI art has ruined an entire genre of painting to me, i saw one of those smooth anime-realism pieces and immidiately thought ''ugh, AI art'' until i noticed it was posted by an established deviantart user 6 years ago. like ive never been a huge fan of that genre but it looks like a pretty difficult style to master and i feel bad for the artists who specialized in anime-realism only to have their entire market jacked by people typing keywords into midjourney.
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