#there's a point jn here somewhere

[maple-writes]

Work today was slow which unfortunately gave me time to think about how unlikely it is that I'll be able to move out of my parents house anytime soon

[fanficfish]

mythbusting time! (Fanfic + blindness edition)

alright ya'll time to bust some myths i probabbly already yeleld about but whatvewr! More awareness = the better!

myth 1: "(name) was blind. They couldn't feed themselves, take a bath on their own, get dressed, erc."

this one peeves me a lot. There's a post somewhere way back i did on this but essentially: it's not a one-and-done. There's theee main factors to consider: life experience (did they grow up very independent? Trauma? Age?), type of blindness (thick glasses kinda fix it? Nothing at all? One eye only? Etc.), and setting (is this a busy city? Small town? International travel?).

i know blind people who just need a but of help with a few things and once they're where they gotta be they'll more or less fine on their own. I know people who need a guide assistant. A lot of blind people can live on their own or with a roommate, depending on their situation, and there are those like me who haven't quite gotten to that point but can still do 80% of daily activities on our own. blind =/= helpless. also please. The alount of times i've seen someone write that a blind character needs help eating?!?! Please. Sure youight not know where stuff is on the plate but like. It's your eyes that got busted not the hands, character X can definitely figure out how to aim the fork for the plate and put the pasta jn their pie hole. I do this a lot when i have to gobble dinner in the car at night before an evening peogram- if you know where your plate is, you can figure out where your food is. Just gotts be a bit more careful about it and don't swallow that steamed fish whole.

if you want to do a temp blindness test; try closing your eyes or blindfolding yourself as you walk around your house. Take note of how much you use your lbs to graze walls or how much you rely on memory to get you soemwhere. I always recommend this for people trying to write blind characters because its nto totally accurate but you get some idea of what it's like. Oh and don't grab- just graze with your fingertips or stick an elbow out in front of you. You get just as much info about your (hopefully familiar) surroundingsb and are less likely to walk into something unexpected or forgotten

myth 2: blind characters are never written well on media. Its just too hars to do them so lets just not!

Actually kinda true but also not. Which, fair. I can agree. Like, please we're not the tolen disabled all the time and also no sane blind person is walking anywhere near an unsteady creaking house. I see this myth more for guy blind characters actually.....

so Here's (a few) some recs for some good oens i found though, with more accurate representation

santa Paws by nicholas edwards- a book series with a blind side character who both is very independent but acknowledges the ened for help on occasison, like when a storm hits town and she gets turned around by all the ice on the road. I love this series.

not if i see you first (seeing is not believing)- a book centering around a blind highschoolwr. I lvoe how she's poetrayed. and for a real life biography, by faith not by sight by scott mcintyre. Real life Ameeican Idol blind musician dude who'e actually pretty cool. toph beifong from atla is also pretty good but she had a cheat with metalbending and earthbending so.....but the joeks are accurate!

those arw rhe ones ive found so far that i liked. It's much harder to find good blind characters in shows and movies and foeget guys, i barely see that but perhaps i'm not looking ahes enough. I see it in fandic all the time though so. Evens out i guess. Either way, media does wxist but you just gotta considerbif it's actually good media because i ahve defintiely seen a few i was not a fan of. M

runner up is that Kaya series from american girl. That one blind sister of Kaya's actually was written decently, on mybopinion- she could do things, but she defintiely got lost in large confusions. starting and ending with "does the charcater have more trats beyond blindness?"

i'll probably rant about this more later.

myth 3: blind so deaf, and dead is dumb

Luckily this seemes tk be going away from just general "wtf" but still. Blind people sometimes have seriosuly freaky hearing- i've accidently eavesdropped so many times- and dead people are by no means dumb. Enough said.

myth 4: working jobs

There are many jobs i cnat do as a blind person but there are many i can, some wven withour too much accomodarion. Again, refer to the question on stereotyping and what differenr blind people mught be able to doz

i can answer emails and ive been goven tech support by blind people before. If its something tou can explain in words, it's doable. Music is a bery visble option, and i know of one blind masterchef that i'm prety sure might have beaten i think bobby flay? Or was that a different show? Something like that but she was cool. Teaching, if you knwo the rep, like in history or english. (Get creative- use google docs to type the notes on a screne instead of a whiteboard or having students type papers instead of weiting them so one can screeneead them)

you learn a lot about objec tpermanance and sensing/envisioning where things are for sure.

thats all i cna think of for now im tired its 2am ima go sleep and maybe i'll think up something clever in the morning.

[nightcall99]

Dream from 11.9.23

My parents woke my siblings and I up. We were all sleeping in our beds at our old house. None of our phone alarms had gone off that morning and since I was supposed to open the shop today at 8:30am and it was 10-something now, I was extremely late. I couldn't believe my eyes. I kept staring at the time on my phone, thinking if I stared long enough, it wouldn't be true. How can this be? I even tried to confirm what time it truly was by using google to search the time for my city. Maybe it was daylight savings and my phone hadn't registered it. Maybe all our phones had malfunctioned simultaneously. But I couldn't get the internet to load. My parents then revealed that the internet had stopped working in the night, and that's why none of our alarms went off. But that didn't make sense because even if the internet stopped working, that shouldn't affect the function of the alarm app.

I got up hastily and tried to get ready for work as quickly as I could. I tried to message my manager on Snapchat to let him know what was happening. But I couldn’t really get through to him properly, the internet was still lagging. I also had no time to properly explain anyway since I was rushing. I also felt embarrassed because my excuse for why my alarm didn't go off was shoddy at best. I just put my clothes on and that’s it. I didn't bother with the rest of my morning routine.

When I got to work, my colleagues were all there waiting for me and when I tried to unlock the door, my keys weren't working. My manager was there, in casual clothes, even though it was his day off. I was happy he was able to open the shop for me with his own key. But I don't know why he didn't just open as soon as he arrived since surely customers were waiting. Then while I was talking to him, I realised that AL was the one rostered on to open the shop today and not me in the first place. No one knew where she was.

When we got inside, the shop looked completely different to how it usually looks. Before I could start work properly, I really had to go to the toilet first. AB was in the bathroom. She was using it as a staff room and eating her lunch in there. I saw that half the toilet seat was missing and the pipes weren't connected properly. I needed help, I didn't know anything about plumbing. Thankfully AB got up to help me fix and connect everything and then she left so I could be alone, but the toilet still didn't work. When I did a test flush, water was spilling out everywhere. I thought to myself, it's no use, I would have to go to the chicken shop next door and use their bathroom.

On my way out, I found a toilet in the corridor. I didn't know it was even there since my workplace didn't look like how it usually looks. JN was standing beside the door, washing her hands in the sink, presumably from having just used it. I joked, there’s a toilet in here.... right? She said, yes just in there. But when I opened the door, it just opens into another hallway. I realised that I was really wasting time now, and that I really needed to open the shop for trading.

Then I was sitting somewhere. Was I on a train? I realised that my phone was actually AL's phone and that’s why no one knew where she was this morning. That's why no one could reach her. I only realised because as I was scrolling through, I couldn’t recognise any of the my usual apps. And then I came across all her selfies. But the phone case was definitely mine. Did we swap phone cases without realising? I had to figure out a way to tell her that I had her phone. I assumed it must mean that she had my phone, perhaps we had swapped at some point. But then I reached into my bag and pulled out my own phone. I had both hers, and mine. How was I going to be able to reach her?

[quentineliot]

Country music. Everybody's favorite. Right? ;P

I grew up in the Southern US. "The South" people from the area would more affectionately call it. I've moved, and done a lot to separate myself from not only the so called culture there, but also it's music.

And I LOVE music. Sang in the car to every song that came on the radio from the age I could make sound, to 21. My mom always tells this story about how I would cry as a baby unless Vince Gill was playing on cassette.

It's been around 7 years since I've turned on a country radio station. But because I grew up on the music (and classic rock like zztop) occasionally a country ear worm will stop by. And being a fully realized transman, it makes sense looking back at the lyrics of many of these songs, why I didn't notice sooner. And why telling my parents was incredibly terrifying.

Not EVERY song uses the "sweet girl with an overprotective dad that just a good ol boy wants to marry and raise a family with" formula. But it's a Lot of them. And if it's not a song about a guy just wanted to settle down with a pretty girl who can cook a good meal, it's about jealousy. And how (typically) women act in these songs is sung at the top of your lungs, about how she'll fuck up his car, steal his dog, or murder him and his mistress.

Miranda Lambert has a song about burning everything down and lighting it on fire. Which, is honestly a mood. But having been In The South, people don't think it's hyperbolic. There are a LOT of people that, if they were willing to bring Dixie Chicks back into their hearts, would be doing some Goodbye Earl's of their own. (Though, this song is a better example of justice taken, and of all the references so far, I think I'm most comfortable with this one.)

Take a look at these lyrics from Shania Twain's "Any Man of Mine"

"Any man of mine better be proud of me

Even when I'm ugly, he still better love me

And I can be late for a date that's fine

But he better be on time"

Okay so I'm with you on the first two lines. Great start. But you're saying you don't want your man to be late but You* can be late. Double standard and not okay. This was music I absorbed as like, idk, a 6 years old? I'd need math and Google and I don't feel like it. Moving on.

"Any man of mine'll say it fits just right

When last year's dress is just a little too tight

And anything I do or say better be okay

When I have a bad hair day"

First two lines, personal preference I suppose. I'd rather be told if I don't look good and change my clothes. Not everyone is me, a lot of people would much rather get "yes baby you look amazing!" always. Top two lines, good.

But ANYTHING YOU DO OR SAY BETTER BE OKAY WHEN YOU HAVE A BAD HAIR DAY?!!! Excuse me???!!! Absolutely not.

-------

I mentioned Carrie Underwood's Before He Cheats earlier. All you really need is the chorus. I don't need Google for this one.

And I dug my key in to the side of his pretty little suped up four wheel drive

Carved my name into his leather seats

I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights

Slashed a hole in all four tires

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

TLDR: he cheated on me so I destroyed his car. And while this song was a fucking Anthem when it came out, any woman who exhibited even slightly agressive behavior was Shut the fuck Down. Make it make sense. The song is about criminal activity so, clearly, anyone who does this should be charged. So why wouldn't people let women and girls show anger in a productive way?

Trisha Yearwoods "She's in Love with the Boy"

Is literally just romanticizing getting married at 16 or 18 or to your first love.

Faith Hill's "This Kiss" gets a pass but only because of "Cinderella said to Snow White, how does love get so off course?" And I thought they were in love with each other 😂

I can't even begin to unpack Fancy by Reba McEntire. And Reba is legendary, she's been making music since before I was born and I love her. It's just, that song.. Eugh. Yikes.

I've been trying to find other songs that absolutely put "go find a nice boy and have babies" into my brain at an early age, and I stumbled on George Strait and I know a few of his songs by heart. Oceanfront Property. All my exes live in Texas. Check yes or no. Amarillo by morning. I can't find anything wrong with any of his music. So it CAN be done.

I'm just salty about the amount of redneck inspiration porn I was made to sing as a child. (my mother made me sing at parties. I preferred singing alone) No other genre of music does this. Rock music isn't over here all "look pretty, shut up, and find a good husband" 🤨

I feel I should mention that there have been recent songs that defy this formula. ",This ain't my momma's broken heart" by Miranda Lambert. Taylor Swift has a unique writing style so I'm sure she's written SOMEthing that's not just trucks beer women muddin or whatever else today country is about? There's a couple about whiskey I think. It's always whiskey or beer..

Country music is like all about family, or something sad and mourning that loss. Heaven, angels, wings, gods watching over you, memaw is watching over you, you're not alone I'm there with you even tho I'm on a truck 100 miles away, think of me when you hear the wind blow kiddo🙃

Finally, to be clear, I don't hate any of the songs Ive referenced or pulled lyrics from. They were my entire childhood. Lonestar was my shit, I choreographed a dance to Shania Twain's "Man I feel like a woman" and did it in front of an auditorium of people, I still know every word of Suds in the bucket by Sara Evans and anything Martina McBride I've sung hundreds of times. It's beautiful music. But dang does country music and the south know how to brainwash people. It's scary.

[sluttyten]

ok no my problem right now is that I just went to place my order on kpopusaonline, and after I placed the order (where I saw that I had three albums in my cart), I received the confirmation email telling me that I’d only ordered one album?? So in my confusion I get on the website on my laptop, and on my account, immediately it says “oh the Mark version and the Renjun version were removed from your cart because it has since been modified, would you like to add them back?” like whyyy would it not tell me that they were removed from my cart until after I placed the order??? I didn’t remove them from my cart, and now I have to place another order to get them? and pay more in shipping because of it?  also I don’t know what was modified about them, because I just looked and I don’t think there’s anything different about it from when I looked earlier?

the only good thing is that I actually went to check the email to see how much my order had actually been and that’s when I noticed, otherwise I probably would’ve not noticed until I actually received my order and then I’d have been really unhappy

ALSO I’m annoyed because I redeemed my points on the order thinking I was getting money off the larger price, only for it to kinda be wasted on what ended up not being a larger total, so like I just feel like I wasted those points

[brockymcginn]

🙃

[rooster-the-love-of-my-life]

Eavesdropping.

Summary: The reader is called back to Top Gun with her best friend Phoenix and her boyfriend Rooster. One night Rooster 'accidently' overheard what Y/N had to say about him.

Warning: A few curse words here and there.

A/N: This one's for @4margaritasalex

Being called to Top Gun was the dream, but being called back was definitely a surprise. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought this could be possible, but because of some morons who did some illegal things, it is.

Y/N 'Hawkeye' Y/L/N was siting at the hard deck with her lifelong friend Natasha 'Phoenix' Trace chatting about their lives. Natasha went first tell the pilot all about her adventures in the air and on ground. She was definitely a wild one.

"So what about you Hawk?" Natasha asked. "Got someone in you life?"

"As a matter if fact I do." Y/N answred, smiling against her beer.

"Shut up. Really?" Natasha asked. Y/N just nodded as an answred. "Who is it?"

"Someone you know." She replied vaguely.

"I know many people, who are you taking about?"

"Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw." She slyly replied. A squeal was what she got in answer.

"How long?"

"Three years. He just the best. The first year we were together, but then I got posted somewhere else and thought this was it, but he made it work. Didn't let me end it like I do." She explained.

"It must have been hard."

"It was, but I had him." Y/N was mow blushing.

"Tell me everything please." Natasha was excited to know who was making her friend blush like a tomato.

"Well at first I thought it was just a one night thing, but it wasn't. He made that a point. He came to my house the next day with flowers, took me out on a proper date, walked me back home."

"Fucked up like an animal." Phoenix added.

"Okay, maybe, but I'm not saying anything." Y/N answred.

"Then?" Pried Phoenix.

"Then what? I was his. He had me at hello. He's everything I want and more. He's amazing, he beautiful, he's funny, he's charming, his eyes are amazing, his body is amazing its like he's made like a Greek God, he's respectfull, he's good with my parents, he plays with fucking Legos with my 7 year old brother, he cooks, he's respectfull, he's everything and most of all, he's mine." Y/N said smiling once a fool.

"It seems you're absolutely, horribly in love with this gentleman." Came a voice which she recognized within seconds.

"Fuck." She whispered.

"Yes, fuck the love of my life is here." Rooster teased. "Hey Phoenix." He put an arm on Y/N's , who was still looking down, shoulders.

"I'm gonna leave you two lovebirds alone." Natasha said slipping out of bar stool. "Have fun and use protection."

Rooster took Phoenix's place, his hand still not leaving Y/N's shoulder. "Hey you." He softly said.

"HI." She finally replied, looking up.

"Ah, there it is. The face of the women I had at hello." He quoted her.

"Shut up." She replied still embarrassed.

"Oh no no no, you are never living this down." He said leaning jn close to her. "I'm never getting over the fact that you think I'm sculpted like a Greek God."

"I'm not even going to try now. Say whatever you want. I love you and that's it." She sipped her drink.

"I know you do." Rooster said taking her bottle from her and taking a sip out of it. "And for the record, I love you too my goddess. You're hotter than the sun, you're the light of my life, you're the reason I stay alive, you're the reason I make it point to come home, you're the only one I'll he taking home for the rest of my life."

"Okay, okay, I get it. You love me, I love you. What do you say we get it of here?" She asked.

"Fuck yes." He gulped her drink down. Stood up, gave her the best kiss ever and slipped out with her.

This was going to be one hell of a night.

Taglist:

@4margaritasalex @futurecorps3 @thisisgracetrying @clairejpg @fangirlinc @thespeeder @ashewontcare @jonginvlog @igotmajordaddyissues @herladyshipxx @m3laniehearts @exo-wayv @mayafatimakhan @starkleila @itscheybaby @spookycupcakepirate @dcamelia @americaarse @paulina1998

[yoshkeii]

"𝚄𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍."

࿐ character(s): Daishou Suguru, Atsumu Miya, Sakusa Kiyoomi

࿐ genre: angst

࿐ type: headcanons (hcs)

࿐ requested by: dumpsterfireinc

⌦ find the continuation here;-  “𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎.”

⌦ tw/mentions ; yelling, arguments, swearing/curses, cheating (atsumu’s)

⌦  male!reader (he/him)

⌦ 'can I ask for hcs for Daishou, Atsumu, and Sakusa having a really heated argument with male s/o. During the argument the boys say something really mean to their s/o that s/o starts to cry. Before the boys could start apologizing s/o just blurts out that he wishes he never met them and leaves.’

A/N: (i changed it slightly if you dont mind-) we got three new bois im writing for, lets hope i get their personality right. so i apologize in advanced if they seem ooc! (youcantellwhereihalfassedshitimsosorry-)

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞:

→ the argument probably started with his slight manipulative personality and mocking sense of humor, it usually didn’t get to you but lately it has been hitting too close to home. letting it slide with the silence of your voice and change of mood each time.

→ coming back home you didn’t know it would evolve into this, but Daishou Suguru, your boyfriend of 2 years. noticed it and decided to question you.

→ the air was tensed within the shared home you two lived in, it was suffocating despite the room being open and wide. hearing the dark-olive hair male behind you, who was clearly speaking to you. hearing words that you couldn’t comprehend to be anything but venomous.

→ each word stung like a snakes bite. ironic for his previous school’s mascot.

→ Daishou had kept going on, stabbing at you word after word.

→ “You’ve been acting weird all day, what’s up with that?” “..even recently you’ve been off.” “hey are you even-”

→ before Dai could even finish he heard you raise your voice, seeing your hand clench around the doorknob of your guys’ shared rooms.

→ “WHY DONT YOU SHUT UP FOR JUST A SECOND!?” “ YOU..Y-you.. should damn well know w-why I’m acting ‘weird’ and shit, babe.” “You know those- those mocks and insults- you- you fucking call ‘jokes’ aren’t really jokes. Daishou.”

→ your eyes kept low with the casting shadow from the lack of lights in the hall. but the shakiness of your voice signaled something in him, but his stupid pride wouldn’t let down.

→ “Are you serious right now, y/n? We’ve been dating for fucking almost 3 years and now they get to you-” “..really ridiculous of you.” 

→ it went off afterwards. just the words being said at each other with such emotion, none of you have seen each other like this... well.. not towards one another. it was just foreign and strange.

→ “you’re such a sensitive crybaby, fucking christ y/n.” “and if those weren’t jokes, you’d still damn take it like nothing.”

→ freezing as soon the words slipped out from his lips, it grew densely silent. your hand slipping off the doorknob, gaze lowering down onto the floor. only focusing in on the shoes kept on.

→ “..h-hey, babe- i- didn’t-” Daishou realized the words he said, it may not be harmful to most, but knowing you. he knew you hated being called anything of the such, even the shit he decided to add made his heart ache with regret.

→ watching you hurry off towards the front door, to supposedly leave, he grabbed your wrist. before you whacked his hand away, 

→ “D-dont fucking touch me. I don’t w-wanna... fuckin hear it. Not now. Or even ever.” “..i should’ve never met you, i was damn stupid enough to think this will last longer with that- dare you did.” “..you probably never loved me.”

→ watching you slip off outside in the night, he didn’t know what to do. hands clenching into fists, as he heard your steps fade away and into silence. the air was more tensed, more suffocating. his mind was clouded with something unfamiliar to him.

→ ‘..how did he know about that.’ 

𝙰𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚞:

→ you always had a sneaking suspicion. you always did. that instinctive feeling ;lm, jn your gut that you should’ve trusted. it was dumb of you to push it away because of the hope you had. well... false hope.

→ you always caught him not at the spot after his practice, the usual spot. always questioning his team to know where he could’ve ran off, they all gave off a shrug and sometimes a slight assumption you followed. leading somewhere more secluded and hidden, to avail to not find him.

→ stumbling back to the previous spot you seem him slink his way at the same time from around a corner... or somewhere. waving up at him and happily greeting him with the usual smile and hug, you question how his hair looked more ruffled and messed up. as if hurried and ruffled up. Atsumu giving a silly excuse of whatever, you shrugged it off. continuing on with the rest of your days together.

→ this would continue a few times. but different things would seem off about him every time, and you took note. occasionally questioning again, before being shot down with an excuse. taking in it again just to not escalate things.

→ as time passed. you began to grow assumptions, noticing how distance he was becoming, having ‘plans’ already up which were not with you, and he often came home late from it. or not, and came home the next day. not even the morning.

→ sitting on the bed of your shared room, you stared idly at the buzzing phone on the nightstand. ‘..’tsumu’s phone is going off.’ as curiosity grew the longer it went on, your boyfriend was in the shower so it wouldn’t be too much of a harm right?

→ peering over to look at the illuminated screen, you blankly stared at the text messages. reading the messages word for word and slowly, ‘..who..’ 

→ staring at the messages and the sender, you knew it was someone who had a liking of your boyfriend... should you even call him that now?

→ swiping the phone from its original position you just watched the messages keep going till it stops to the recent time. you didn’t open the app, but just merely stare at the name. it had a cute nickname and all, similarly to yours. mind becoming hazy and clouded, you didn’t know how long you were staring at Atsumu’s phone till his raising voice snapped you out of the trance.

→ flinching as he snatched his phone away from your hands, you stared up at the fake blonde who had just gotten out of the shower simply wearing nothing but casual sweats with a damp towel hanging off his shoulder. 

→ “Hey! y/n why were ya’ staring at my damn phone?” his gaze was ironed onto you, meeting your [e/c] eyes. you could tell he was furious and he was getting ticked off by each silent second you let by. “not gonna speak? are ya braindead or something honey?”

→ seeing you softly mutter words but it was too quiet to hear, almost like a whisper. but besides the way it was heard, the words itself were not light and gentle.

→ “..why did you cheat..” 

→ a sudden jolt hit him, “..c-cheat? I didn’t cheat on ya’ baby, what are you talking about?” he lied.

→ “now.. you’re lying to me... ‘tsumu.” the softness of your tone was quite concerning, it was saddened and dismal. the building of tears daring to fall any second, you just stared at him with the distraught expression.

→ “What? I’m not ly-” before the fake blonde could slip out the rest of the word, you jumped in.

→ “You are LYING, Miya. Stop acting like you aren’t.” quickly standing up and moving to the side.

→ “How did you even know?” he yelled back, knowing it was worthless to keep up his lies and fake pretending.

→ “Those damn texts-??” you pointed towards his phone that his fist was holding. “..a-are you stupid?” the wavering of your voice made you regret speaking, but it was inevitable and shittier if you left your feelings unsaid.

→ Atsumu’s thick brows furrowed down, “Wait- So you’re telling me ya snooped on my phone?! The fuck is wrong with you!” “..can’t I have some privacy? can’t I!? Y/n!?” he snapped back.

→ “What’s.. wrong with me? With ME-? Miya..” averting your gaze for a quick second, you looked back as you poked him roughly, “..you have been.. been- fucking.. Cheating on me this whole time. A-and.. I know you have been-! Those times you’ve been slipping off after practice. you leaving off to ‘hang out’ with friends? What a fucking. load. of. bullshit. Miya.”

→ tears were dripping down from your eyes, before you bit down your lip for the next response. while the blonde could only stared in silence, conflicted.

  → “I-..I really thought you loved me, that whole time.. really did. and i was a damn fool to have such hopes.” you had hurriedly rushed off to leave the room, the quick muttering of an foreign phrase stabbed his heart.

→ “..i should’ve never met you either.”

→ he didn’t know what to do, but hearing the click of the front door opening and shutting accompanied by your running steps that faded. he knew you weren’t coming back. all he did was stand there in distraught, confusion, troubled, everything.

→ ‘what do i do now..’

𝚂𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚜𝚊:

→ he wouldn’t be the physical affection type person, but at times, you were an exception. knowing you liked to cuddle, gives hugs, and all that jazz. it often took a lot persuasion for him to get to cuddle whenever you had a chance too, having a schedule that often didnt mesh well.

→ so it wasn’t a big deal if it ended up into a confrontation about it, occasionally small arguments. but this one was unexpected, especially to you.

→ hearing Sakusa walk in your shared home, you looked over from your position in the kitchen. giving him a soft welcome home, asking “Hey, Omi! How was your day?”

→ “..pretty irritating.” he muttered from under his mask, pulling it down under his chin as he took off his shoes.

→ instinctively you walked over to hug him at least, but he steered away quickly. obviously denying it without a word. blinking at him, you took the sign and stepped away, apologizing softly under your breath.

→ you were having an off day yourself, some things weren’t going so well for you during the day till you got home. hoping you’d have some time with your boyfriend, wanting to cuddle and maybe a hug at least knowing how he is. 

→ “..I-..uh.. do you wanna cuddle after you shower or-” Sakusa interrupted you bluntly and rather quickly, “no.”

→ only biting down the rest of your words, you softly nodded. seeing him drift off into your shared room, supposedly gonna rinse up. sighing as you went off to do your own thing to wait, hoping he’ll feel a little better for the offer again.

→ he doesn’t.

→ raising your arms up to him as he walked out of the bathroom door, he doesn’t bat an eye towards you. making your heart ache slightly, “..omi? are you okay?” you began to follow him shortly behind into your bedroom.

→ “..didn’t i say i was irritated earlier.” he stiffly said, slipping on a shirt as he did.

→ “i-..i mean yeah but.. are you at me? I’m- uhh.. also having a bad day too y’know.” “i wanted to be with you.”

→ the air was dense. even if there was barely any physical aggression and irritation it would make you cower. as it settled down longer, Sakusa muttered something. it was so clear as day in the suffocating silence.

→ “you’re really so selfish you know that.” “..matches your clingy attitude.”

→ ‘he didn’t care. he didn’t.’ is all you could think of. it just rushed 

→ “..you think I’m selfish?” you repeated, your hands tightening around the edge of your long sleeves. nails almost digging into your palm. “do you really think that.” your soft and gentle demeanor faded quickly.

→ the wavy haired male turn to look at you, seeing your head and gaze kept low and averted from his. seeing your clenching hands, almost penetrated your own skin. instantly regretting his words. 

→ “y/n- I- really didn’t-..” stopping himself he sees the dripping tears fall onto the floor, then your sniffles.

→ “Just- just shut up. I n-need space..” already slipping pass and out the door, he went to go after you yelling out your name. seeing you freeze at the doorway, about to slip on a coat and shoes.

→ “..Sakusa. Just drop it. I don’t- wanna deal with this right now. You.. you made my.. day far worse.”

→ ‘he said.. my last name. not... not my first. shit.’ biting back what else to say, he stood there silently. watching you put on a pair of shoes before rushing off out into the cold.

→ silent fights and arguments is what scares y/n the most. it happens quite often but this was the most suffocating one by far, ruining his day. and his mind. letting the negative overwhelm him more. letting Sakusa’s word stuck in his brain on replay. 

[gunmetalarchived]

after the fight with @consultingsister ft. @diabolicaltendencies @epiitaphs @theasteriae

SEVERIN After the X-rays, and making sure his brother finally got seen to, Severin hadn’t known what to do with himself. With his misplaced anger and grief. Whilst he was busy, it had been easy to ignore. He had a job to do, and as director of the Hospital, he had to handle the situation. Avoiding Sam had been easy, with the man so distracted by every other player in the over-dramatic series of events.  The problem came after the work day ended. And he had stoped to asses the worst of the damages. Something on his chest didn’t feel right. He hadn’t peeled back his shirt to have a proper look yet. There were scars covering black eye that looked a little impressive by now. Sebastian as going to be stuck in overnight, and Severin wasn’t sure they could even have a real conversation about what had happened if he wanted to. He left the hospital to stop the awkward questions, dodging the gossip as he walked home to his small flat south of the river. But his feet didn’t take him there. He followed the rhythm of step after step, numbly heading out across the city. He moved through the funeral numb. He moved through Jasper’s recovery numb. In all honestly, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had said her name. Had he been avoiding using it? On some subconscious level, that had to be a piece of it. Since the phone call, he had to keep running at a hundred miles an hour, breaking his neck to save the next person who needed him. It couldn’t happen again. The number of the building wasn’t even on the outside, this place was so fancy. He was almost stopped by the doorman, probably based on the dishevelled state he was wandering around in. Severin headed for the stars in order to avoid his questions too.

Royally fucking up didn’t even cover it. He was going to be fired, or suspended. He could live with either of those but lashing out at his wounded cousin who clearly wasn’t in a fit mental state to know the impact of his actions? It ate him alive from the inside. He felt the hot tears welling in his eyes, even as he tried to push them away and figure out which door was hers. He should go. The door opened before he could knock, almost certainly the worried doorman had called up.    ‘ I-“ The lump in his throat stopped him immediately, the sight of her both taking his breath away and landing another blow. In all the chaos, it had completely slipped his mind. He was supposed to meet her at the pub by UCL four hours ago. He was fucked that up too.    “ I-“ He tried again, his voice cracking this time as he couldn’t keep up his fight. A few tears began rolling down his cheeks, trying to regain control of the situation. “I’m sorry.”

CEE She wasn’t mad at him. This is how their lives were. Cee had even been prepared, bringing along her iPad and a book. In the two hours she waited she’d had three glasses of wine and got all her emails done. She had also finished the book she started over a month ago. It was even a little nice. Sure, dinner with Sev would have been nicer but it was like she was on a date with herself; something she hadn’t done in a couple years. Eventually, she had phoned. The haven’t you heard reply when she asked where they thought Sev might be didn’t worry her. It wasn’t the hasn’t someone told you that nurses give when a family member is in a coma and no one thought to call the brother. It was gossip. A tone of delight. If she was honest, she didn’t believe the receptionist. Alright, she fully believed that Sebastian and Sebastian had a punch up outside but thought there was some miscommunication. It tended to happen. Hospital chinese whispers. Severin had been there when it started, maybe got hit in a crossfire but he didn’t actually throw a punch. But the story seemed to have been verified by an eyewitness on her cigarette break and Tonya was dating on of the security guys so it seemed to be all true. Sev had been fighting. On her slow walk home, she half convinced herself that this was some sort of odd reaction to them getting back together. Sev taking out anxiety about commitment sort of thing. But by the time she had gotten home, she had decided to stop thinking so selfishly and order enough chinese for two and put on Some Like It Hot. Not a film you can stay annoyed while watching. The call from the lobby didn’t surprise her. She fixed her hair to make sure he would feel truly bad about it all and then met him at the door. Only he didn’t look like he could feel much worse. “Come here,” she coos, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she hugs him, still in the hall. “What have you been doing to yourself, you idiot.”

SEVERIN He hardly beloved what had happened, and it was his own fist that had made contact with Sebastian Morans jaw. The second he felt the arms of her embrace, his body wracked with hot and heavy sobs. He didn’t cry like this. Even through the worst of loosing their child. He held strong for Cee and mourned for what could have been, but he hadn’t been through it alone. He could sleep at night knowing they had both given it all they could, and sometimes it just wasn’t meant to be. As their relationship started to fall into pieces around them, he could console himself that the time they had shared was worth every heartbreak. In private, he’d shed a tear. But his chest aches, not from the black and blue bruising that was starting to pull to the surface but with what he had let himself become. He didn’t recognise this person. Angry, tired and selfish. “I-“ He tried to talk but he wasn’t in a fit state to say much. Her kindness was making it all worse. He didn’t deserve it. “I fucked up. I’m sorry, I’m just so sorry.” What was he sorry for? All of it. Loosing her, moving away, pulling her back in, hurting his family... it was all his fault.

CEE Ask Cee and she will tell you that she doesn’t like men who cry. If they can articulate their emotions from time to time, she was happy. But Sev was pretty much always the exception from the rule. He was the nice guy who treated her right, a break between all the guys who fucked her over for their own amusement. He was a genuinely good person, the sort of person who made her look pretty evil in comparison. Her grip was tighter shoulders his shoulders and she turned her head to kiss his neck, whispering into his ear. “Shh, stop it, you don’t need to be sorry, come on, get inside.” The doctor pulls back but doesn’t let go of him, gently pulling him inside and then closing the door behind him. “Here, look,” she picks up a box of tissues and points towards the sofa. “Go, sit, I’ll get you something to drink and something to eat and you can tell me what the hell happened today.” She didn’t wait around to guide him to a seat, instead going to collect two crystal glasses, a whiskey bottle and left over take out. Cecelia’s home didn’t have a lived in feel and yet it was very Cee. There were pictures, mostly ones Mary had insisted on putting up, even one of Sev somewhere but the style was modern, almost clinical. Admittedly, between being at work and staying with friends, she didn’t spend much time at home. “Take this,” she ordered him about like a patient taking medicine. The whiskey was a smooth gold; only the very best. “What the fuck, Sev?”

SEVERIN Her grip hurt, but he hardly noticed. He was making so much of a fuss in the hall, he was an idiot. He should go, work this out and pick it all away where it wouldn’t hurt him anymore. The problem was that he let hisself be lead over the threshold of her door, into her home. He tried to wipe the worst of the saltwater onto his filthy cuffs, covered jn died blood and gravel mostly. He hadn’t really changed once his sprint from the car, too distracted by everyone around him. Putting himself last until he didn’t have a choice anymore. He moved to perch nervously on the edge of the sofa, ignoring the tissues as his eyes darted nervously around the room. His vision was too blurred to take in his surroundings clearly, his tired eyes puffy from both the blow to his face and the tears. He was too tried to argue against orders, and took the whisky to awkwardly drum his fingers against. His breath were still deep as he fought to stay calm. “I lost it. I don’t even know what I was thinking- I-I wasn’t thinking I just... I couldn’t stop it, even if I wanted to it’s-“ His mind jumped around from reasons to excuse without letting him bridge the gap between the two. He carried on trying to pull steady breaths through his nose and out his mouth, only pausing to take a sip from his glass. “He didn’t mean it- I know he didn’t. But he said that stupid thing about the crash and I couldn’t stop.”

CEE The crash. A delicate subject and somewhat unwalked territory for Sev and Celia. Cee had visited Jasper in hospital now long after, word of mouth had got back to her. She shifted somewhat uncomfortably, her knees pressing against his as she turned to face him. She kept her own whiskey clasped between two hands. “Who did... Bash?” Cee knew the three key-players in today’s little drama and doubted Seb would bring up the crash, let alone saying something stupid about it. “Listen... I’m not saying violence is the answer here but I feel like Bash deserves a punch to the face now and again. Hell, even I have thumped his arm for comments about my skirt length.” She tried to inject some humour into the moments but she could feel it falling flat before it even left her mouth. She changed track and instead reached out to take one of his arms. “Losing it every once in a while is... that’s okay. What did, what did he say?”

SEVERIN He could barely even look at her. He brought the glass to his lips again, still trying desperately to count his breaths. In for 7. Out for 11. Just like every panicking patient he had treated. Maybe he would be able to stop the pounding of his heart and how it seemed to hammer away in his eardrums like crazy. Finally, after what left like a lifetime but was probably closer to thirty seconds, he gave a curt nod. It had to be the polarisation of what he was feeling and what she was saying, but he couldn’t help but laugh at her comment even in his state. “Wouldn’t recommend it, honestly.” Partly due to his reaction, partly due to the swelling in his fingers that didn’t want to go down. Her touch was more welcome than she could know. And yet he dodged her question entirely, possibly not even aware he was doing so. “I’m sorry. I meant to be there tonight, I really did and I show up all... I don’t know.”

CEE She herself gives a shrug, as if it was nothing. “Would we really be top quality doctors if we didn’t forget about our personal lives?” Another joke, another smile, she can’t help herself. She spends her days with panicking mother’s and new-dad’s pretending they’re big strong men when in reality, they just need a strong coffee and a hug. You adopt a only semi-serious demeanour after that. Everything is fine, everything is okay, even when it’s not. Without really thinking, she leans forward so her forehead is almost touching the side of his head and hen flicks up her nose. It’s a vintage move of hers, she used to do it on Sunday mornings. It was a hey and a what are you thinking all in one, without really asking. It felt right but her stomach squeezed uncomfortably as if she had done the wrong thing. Passionate sex I his office is one thing but this is real intimacy. “I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to be okay.”

SEVERIN Cecelia was right. She was always right. They hadn’t always shared a love of career and each other, he understood completely when he had to take a back seat to her ambition. He would never, and could never resent her for that. In fact, it was one of the reasons he adored her. Her drive, her comparative nature, it kept Severin on his toes. He wanted to be a better person to be with her. And yet he’d let himself down. The gentle press against his forehead was like a leap back in time, enough to make him fight tears all over again. Trying to love as little as possible, he set his glass down and reached for her waist, as if to pull her into his lap. Any distance between them was too far. It had been pent up frustration that pulled them together again, the issue was that this was something real. Tangible familiarity so bitter sweet it could hurt. He shook his head against hers a little, his brow furrowing. “I’m not sure if I can tell you that.” He had to do it. He had to say her bloody name. Just once.   “He said if he’d been there, maybe Alex and the baby, they’d...” he couldn’t finish that sentence any more than his cousin had. Because the worst part was, he could have been right. “I should have been there. I should have been here.”

CEE She gives a sigh of frustration, maybe even annoyance, tinged with amusement. “That Basher Moran is really something else.” She thought she knew his type. She chose medicine because it was prestigious, rewarding, exciting! He chose medicine, for lack of a better word, because he liked being the guy who swooped in and saved the day. “Superman wannabe...” she snorted, finishing her thought out loud. Cee followed Sev’s lead, lifting one leg over his and straddling him with both knees by his side. This was an excellent manhadinging position. Easy to grab his jaw, make him look into her eyes and hear what an idiot he was being for still feeling this way. She didn’t though. Instead, she pushes his hair back, over and over, almost absent mindedly. “You weren’t though,” she says, simply. “And we don’t have the ability to see into the alternative universe that you were. For all you know, it could have been ten times worse.” Her hand drops, as do her eyes. This time, she does pull up his chin. “Are you going to spend the rest of your life wishing you change the past and... miss changing the future? That’s your life plan, Sev? That’s fucking rubbish.”21 October 2020

SEVERIN A smile graced his face again, glad to have her in his arms. Glad to have someone who could cut through the mess inside of his busy head. Severin had never been much good at battling his own thoughts, he acted first and just had to live with the consequences. Every part of him was as reckless as his late sister, and his older brother. If a little less openly self destructive. With her fingers taking softly though his hair, he started to focus on her eyes. He blinked once, twice, as Cee questioned him directly. For all her sympathy, he hadn’t expected it. Lulled into a false sense of security, this was what she probably planned all along. “But I should have been.” He couldn’t let it go. Not when he saw the effect ricochet across his life. He shook his head again, small and unsure in the face of her confrontation. His life plan had gone out of the window the second she hadn’t been there- mainly because his entire plan had consisted of following her to the end of the earth. “I’m trying. I’m here. I came back. But what use am I starting fights instead of preventing them? He’s... he’s not well and I was treating him, Cee.”

CEE Cee can’t say she doesn’t understand. On bad nights, after losing a patient, or sometimes when a patient gets to walk out of the hospital with their new bundle of joy, Celia replays the hours and days before losing their baby. An odd pain there, a sip of wine she was told not to have, a m moment that she knew something wasn’t quite right and yet did nothing. What if she had done something. What if, what if. And then it’s 5am and she is putting her own life, and her patience life, in danger because she hasn’t slept with thirty-six hours. She walked around the halls like a zombie, fretting over something she could never actually change. “Before you came back, Sherlock came in to hospital. Massive OD, still says it was an accident. It was... touch and go for a couple hours. Actually, it was some sor to miracle he came through it. And the first thing I did when he wake up... was hit him. He made some stupid comment about heaven being more clinical than he imagined and I lost it wit him. I think I pulled out of one his tubes, a nurse had to pull me off of him.” Her eyes gleam with unshed tears and yet she smiles like she’s recalling a funny memory; it was funny. After all that, they brought him back just so Cee could kill him.

“My point is,” she clears her throat, “I spend my whole day being calm, level headed and professional. Cold, even. I am with mothers... with parents at the very beginning of their magical journey and they usually come to me when it’s all going wrong. However, it is not my job to b calm, level headed and professional when it’s my brother. When it’s someone I love. That’s why there are rules, that’s why we don’t treat family. Because... if you had been there, if Bash had been there, you would not have been calm. He would not have been calm. He might have even lost Jasper too. So thank fuck you weren’t there. Thank god, it was calm, level headed, professional doctors, doing their best work to save your little brother. But we don’t save them all Sev, you know that as well as I do. We can’t save everyone.”

SEVERIN It was putting too much out there to admit the last time he had a solid nights sleep in his own bed had been the last night they spent together before it fell apart. He often found himself int he on call room, or hidden on the couch in Sams office, even with his flat less than a twenty minute run away. He might go home and change, although he was far more likely to shower at the office and just find yet another clean pair of scrubs to cover up the fact he was burning the candle at both ends. Abroad there was always an excuse to keep going a little longer, although with an extremely qualified staff, he had no excuses now. Severin listened intently, pushing the stray hairs off of her cheek and letting his hand linger there. He didn’t know. It wasn’t like her brothers spoke to him anymore. Sherlock had always been... tricky. “Sounds like he had it coming, giving you a scare like that.” He pushed against her forehead, closing his eyes to mimic her gesture with his nose. God, it was like they were teenagers again. Her scent, her touch, it was grounding. “You’re right. You always are, it just doesn’t stop...” He couldn’t save everyone. He let the silence had for a moment before he carried on. “I miss her.” He had to learn to process his grief, and not let it explode out of him. Especially with Bash in such a fragile state. “I don’t think I’ve been in a fight with Seb since... I’m actually not sure I’ve been in a fight?  Does the scuffle outside the Cock Inn count?”

CEE “Nah, everyone scuffles outside the Cock Inn,” she waved her hand as if she was waving away the very idea. It’s been such a long time since someone touched her like this but with Sev, it was like falling back into an old routine. Her leg goes there, his hand goes there. They slid into a position every time. Two halves creating a whole. It throws her off to hear Sev even alluding to the existence of Alex. For the most part, she avoided bringing up the subject of family, for either of them. Things were never less complicated just because you loved them. “Do you remember that time I let her do my hair? And she held the straighteners in too long and it burnt? My first ever bob.” She talks like this was some fond memory, which it was now, although at the time it was pretty traumatic. Celia had had long flowing hair since she was twelve; having to suddenly cut it too her shoulders had been horrible. “What do you miss the most about her?”

SEVERIN “That was your fault, you saw her hair and thought of course this girl knows what she’s doing. Yeah right. I thought you looked pretty sexy with a bob, if that matters.” It shouldn’t matter, he was very much a biased opinion. The corners of his mouth lifted in an soft smirk, his body growing still now he was comfortable enough to just breathe in sink with her. Calm. At peace. He closed his eyes, they tightened a little as he tried to remember the bitter parts of his difficult relationship with his younger sister. Not that Alex had an easy relationship with well... anyone. “It sound mad, but the rows she used to have. That house is just- it’s eerie now.” He hadn’t been back since the Christmas after the funeral, always finding an excuse to avoid being in his childhood home. It was hard to see the place in a state of cold absence. With a heavy breath, he found something brighter to hold onto. “She used to sit up on the roof with Seb and I, just blaring records and smoking where mum couldn’t complain. She knew all the words to every one, she thought it was Seb who had the half decent taste. No idea that mans totally tone deaf. They were all mine- well, one or two stolen from dad but she found them his side of the room and just assumed...” He had never once corrected her. He couldn’t take that away, that adoration  for their oldest brother who was her hero. He was fine with it really, as long as he got to share the summer evenings on the roof in the fading daylight. “When you were pregnant, she appointed herself the baby’s music teacher. She was going to make sure that kid had ‘style’ apparently.”

CEE “I’d never had the chance to be a big sister before, it was exciting!” She gives a whine that becomes a laugh. Cee had never had a want to be a big sister until she met Alex. Jasper was easy, over eager kid who appreciated anyone who treated him like a person, not a baby. Alex had to be talked into liking Cee. “I had to prove to her that I wasn’t just another nerd for her brother’s class. I had style, I was cool. Right up until I got pregnant... suddenly, mum, no style.” She laughs again but can’t quiet keep it up. The baby for Cee is much like Alex for Sev. An open wound, better not to prod at it too much. “She... I think she was the only person who didn’t treat me like glass after, you know? I don’t know, I was so ashamed to see your family after, like-- like I’d fucked it all up and everyone was so nice. I couldn’t-- well she still treated me like I was me. Asked if she was still her it’s godmother anyway.” It was hard to place herself in Sev’s position; losing a younger sibling. She is Alex in her family. Two doting older brothers. She knows that Mycroft feels a certain levl of responsibility for his younger brothers that Celia doesn’t. Myc had always been a grown up, no need to baby him. “What do you think she would be doing now? In some sort of rock band?”

SEVERIN Alex Moran had always had a mind of her own. Screaming until she was called Petya, biting teachers, breaking every rule she had been set and then some. No one, with the occasional exception of Seb who she had a special soft spot for, would be cool enough. Cool for her was not caring at all. She was effortless in her style and her rebellion, a born hellraiser. The more his kind lingered, the more he ached to see her again. He wasn’t going to break the illusion that Cee had of her, because in all truth Alex probably didn’t know how to treat someone like glass. “Cheeky fucker.” Severin shook his head a little, knowing he’d missed the toughest year with her. “Hmmmm, maybe. She talked about joining the army, even though mum was dead set against it. Even started to dry out a bit.” One of the last nights he had as holding her hair back, watching the absolute state she had worked herself into with bloodied fists on the edge of alcohol poisoning. “I don’t think sitting still was ever an option.”

CEE “I can only assume your mother telling her no would push her towards it.” Celia had never known a real parental-child relationship until she came into the Moran family. They seem to all take up their parts in a play; Sev the golden boy, Alex the daughter who couldn’t help but hate her mother. It was hard to imagine Celia ever fighting with Violet. If she went by what Mycroft said about their mother, Violet had never shouted in her entire life. Cee didn’t remember her father raising her voice that often either; he never needed to. “You know, I was half terrified we could have an Alex. Loved her to bits, obviously--” Cee smirks again. “But she kinda of scared me.”

SEVERIN “Absolutely. If mum had said yes, I bet she would have stayed at school out of spite.” He felt her breath on his face and lent forwards just enough to press a kiss to her cheek. But then he blinked. And blinked again just to be sure. “Have?” It was probably a drunken slip of the tongue, almost nothing. The issue was that nothing could be the ticket to exactly what he dreamed of. “I don’t blame you, she was terrifying. I don’t envy dad. But then imagine if we had a tiny know it all like you, well, I’m not sure I’d stand a chance.”

CEE Her smile is starting to get weaker. Her laugh sounds more like a sigh. Cee was never sure if she really regretted the miscarriage. That’s what made it worse. She half convinced herself that she had sent bad vibes to the baby. Not she told Sev this. She didn’t tell Sev very much after that. At least she knew she regretted that. It just felt as if she had given too much to him, let him get too close, allowed herself to be swayed from the goal. How was a baby going to help her make chief-of-surgery by thirty-five? Things had shifted in her mind since then; she had time to grow up a little bit. But she couldn’t say she had ever really dealt with that trauma, just learned to live with it. Forced herself to face it everyday and usually beat it. Saved mothers, healthy babies; everything she couldn’t have for herself she tried to give. “Do you think we would have actually made it? Young, dumb medical students with a baby. Happily married with dreams jobs? I just don’t-- didn’t see that. I think I would have resented you. And baby. I think-- I would have ruined it some other way. You would be a cute single dad though, all the nurses would fancy you. Proper superman. With the bitch of an ex-wife.”

SEVERIN Bringing it up was a stupid move, he should have left it. Except despite her fallen face, she didn't brush him off or freeze him out. There was room here to try and discuss the topic like adults, so long as he didn't push too firm. He pulled away just enough to get a better look at her face, not kissing Cee again simply to give her the chance to speak if she wanted to. "The job was your dream, you wanted it. It isn't mine. It's a means to an end." He could be changing plasters as a nurse in a primary school for all he really cared. He didn't need the title, or the accolades. If anything, they made it worse. Earning the approval of the board meant he was putting politics before patients, and that couldn't sit right with him. He didn't fault her for being ambitious, in fact he adored it about her. But she had to understand that this wasn't the be all and end all. He would sacrifice it in seconds, and already had more than once today with his stupid choices. Her comment about divorce aught him off guard. If she saw it ending in flames then... "Do you want to do this? A second go, I mean? I'm not... if you don't see it, why give me the chance?"

CEE Cee doesn’t ever remember having a conversation with her family about work v. home life. Morland worked twenty-four hours a day but it was more out of necessity than choice. And he never pitied his wife for wanting to spend all her days with her children. Someone have said Morland’s worldview had some sexist undertones but he raised his children all the same and Celia doubted he would have raised an eyebrow if Mycroft suddenly stepped down from his senior position to raise kids. Although, it would be very odd. But she knew, through his mask of delight, that Morland was disappointed when Celia got pregnant. That she was cutting her abilities short. Raising children is a fine pursuit, he might have said, but compared to medicine? Even she, who was witness to the magic of childbirth and parenthood every other day couldn’t compare the two. “No-- I mean then. I mean-- when we were kids pretending we weren’t. I had my mind on one thing and one thing only back then. That’s not-- I mean it’s still a little true but only because I don’t have anything else. If there was someone else...” she presses her lips together, then leans in to bump her nose against his. “I missed you. I never stopped missing you but I’d glad I had that time to grow by myself. I don’t think I was a very nice person when we broke up.”

SEVERIN Cecelia had every right to think they were children, pretending. The problem lay in that this man, this shadow of his former self, it was more of a mask than the happy father to be. The Severin of seven or eight years ago was effortless, probably a little naive but it was easier to smile. Easier to trust people. Far easier to sleep at night. A hum escaped his lips. “Hey- hey you’ve got me. You always have me.” And she would. “Whatever this ends up like... you’re stuck with me now.” In all truth, she wasn’t a nice person when they broke up. Whether that was intentional or not, he had been playing along like they might be able to fix things far longer than a sane man should have. From where he stood now though, he could only see it with rose tinted glasses. “I don’t regret any of it. I’d say I’d do it again in a heartbeat but I’m already here.” He pulled away, checking the time on his watch with a heavy sigh. “I should check in with Sam. Or downstairs. Sebs on observation overnight, he’ll need a change and a toothbrush or something..” He is noted the deeply purple finger on his hand, and the aches from beneath his shirt that still went unchecked. The near thirty hours without sleep was evident on his face, and yet his work was never finished.

CEE “That’s a lot of commitment for a first date.” Her grin suggested she didn’t mind. There was no taking it slow for them; it had been a ten year wait, filling time really. Her eyes followed his to his watch but she whined, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his head into his chest. “Don’t go. I can call Sam, I won’t get drawn into it. You can stay here and I can help with your face.” The doctor pulled back to inspect, holding onto his chin and tilting his head to either side, with a little more force than she would with one of her real patience. “You know... you kind of suit a black eye. Kinda sexy.”

SEVERIN “Good thing I’m not worried about scaring you off” There wasn’t going to be an in between for them. It just wasn’t an option. Even when it came to sex, they knew each other too well just to stop at the physical. Even the failed attempt at dancing around the point was stupid, in hindsight. He winced, but pressed against her anyways. God, we wanted to say yes. “Maybe. I think it’s safe to say this isn’t going to go away quietly.” His mind related backed to his friends crushed, confused face. Yet another thing to feel bad for. He always gave Sam the benefit of the doubt, it was why he needed him as the second opinion. He had acted so coldly that even Moira would be proud of him. He didn’t fight as he was examined, drawing a breath through his teeth. “Don’t get used to it, I’ve learnt my lesson. I’m getting extra security guards whenever Bash is on duty.”

CEE “I don’t scare off easy,” she nods. After one last kiss to the forehead, she steps off of him, her long giraffe legs moving with improbable grace. There is a joke around the hospital that Celia is 90% legs and it was a mystery as to how her legs held up her brain. And her ego but no one said that to her face. “Listen, take a breath, take a drink. I’ll call Sam and get an update, and then check the nurse group chat and get a real update.” Maybe ask Mary too, for a woman who pretend to be above it all she always knows everything. She moves back into the kitchen and returns with her phone in one hand an ice pack in the other. “Knuckles or eyes first? I think I’d go for the eye.”

SEVERIN The second she had left his lap, Severin leant forwards to grab his glass and take a sip from his drink again. He tried to stretch the swollen fingers, the purple one looked the worst but nothing felt broken. He very much wasn’t in the mood to fight anymore. “You shouldn’t tell him I’m here.” It was too long winded to get into, and realistically the American was going to put the pieces together himself. But give Sams very valid opinion that Severin couldn’t be objective around his... (ex? That didn’t sound right?) around her, it wasn’t the best idea to give him grounds for concern. “Oh god, the nurses know?” Of course they did, but the reality that it had hit the level of the nurses group chat made his stomach sink. And, it reminded him why he had been pulled up in front of the board in the first place. The fact no one was getting a raise this year was going to play wonderfully in their eyes. “How about neither, and we just let the ground swallow me while instead?”

CEE “That’s who I heard it from like two hours ago; the nurses know everything.” She handed over the ice pack and placed the phone to her ear, sitting on top of Sev again. “Why, are we a secret?” She covered the receiver as she spoke but the call rung out to voicemail anyway. “If we’re going to sneak around, you’ll have to let me know, because I’ll have to redo my whole wardrobe to accommodate-- not single but trying to look single, ease of getting in and out of and heel height for kisses.” Cee placed the phone back to her ear as it began ringing again and on the fourth ring, an American voice greeted her less than enthusiastically. “Hey you,” she used her sing-song voice, over twenty years of getting daddy to give her what she wanted, made men melt. “What’s the gossip? Heard there was a punch up?” It takes ten minutes of lectures about gossiping and how it’s a serious matter before Cee decides she should have just checked the group chat. She even gets off Sev, starts to pace. At one point she looks Sev directly in and the eye and says, “Sev? No, I haven’t seen him.” It’s so horribly obvious. Eventually, she hangs up with a disgruntled huff. “He hates me. He hates me more now you go all doe-eyed around me.”

SEVERIN "They may as well lead with it on the evening news." He took the ice pack, moaning a little as he pressed it to his face with his bad hand. May as well do both at the same time. He shuffled to let her get comfy, until her conversation pulled her away. He cracked a smile at her voice though, he'd heard that tone before. Usually when she needed to know which set of notes he'd borrowed or if he was planning on going to the library tomorrow. She still scrunched her nose the same way, even if her age wore it well. They weren't sneaking around as such just... letting it develop without an audience. Everyone already knew more than they should, it would take the pressure off to give them some time to figure things out. Not that they seemed to need it, it was an old routine. He had finished his glass by the time her phone call finished, watching her pace with nervous energy. The second the line went dead, he had to know. "Is Bash alright? Does he need anything? Should I go over there? I can be there in, well..." He flicked his wrist to see his watch again, a nervous habit. He cried out a little, forgetting about the swelling in his hand.

CEE She opens her mouth to say everything is fine, mostly but then changes tact and instead, gives a small gasp of terror. “No, everything is awful! Seb and Bash started fighting again and somehow the brawl moved into one of the upstairs toilets. They smashed up the sinks and water was going everywhere. The bottom two floors of the hospital are now flooded; patients are floating along corridors and Sam said it was reminiscent of scenes from the Titanic.” She takes her first deep breath, keeping up the panicked look, and continues. “Sam said he lost Bash and Seb for a while, but, still locked in a wrestling match, they made thier way down four flights of stairs because Seb demanded they go to WHS in search of a toothbrush. Meanwhile, somehow, on the fourth floor, a fire has started. It spread through to where we keep the oxygen tanks and the whole hospital exploded. Luckily, the flooding sort of... stopped the explosion though... and... okay, I’m out of imagined chaos.

Yes, everything is fine. Seb is a big boy. Bash is... being looked after. Sam has a handle on it all. Sue from accounting slept with the porter Chris, which honestly, after her divorce; totally valid.” She reaches up to take over icing his eye. “Until a phone rings, or my pager goes, the hospital does not exist. It’s just me... and you...” she kneels on the floor in front of him and for, she realises then, the first time that night, she leans up to kiss him. Slow and deep, like a first kiss. “You have to chill.”

SEVERIN Instantly, he was on his feet. Even now, he fell for her tricks- hook line and sinker. He was so easy to mess with, and far too transparent for his own good. Only as her hysterics hit the Titanic did he catch on, rolling his eyes at her stream of events. It wasn't far off reality. As their lips met, he stopped caring about anything outside of these four walls. The city of London could burn down and he wouldn't notice, dying a very happy man indeed. He kissed her back, sliding off the sofa very smoothly for someone who was supposed to be in pain. "I can chill. Need me to prove it?"

CEE “Why do I feel like your proof for chilling isn’t very chill at all?” It felt like they were back in university again when he kissed her; she was being pulled away from stacks of notes with kisses and seductive whispers. Take an hour off, just sixty minutes. Somehow, the hour always became two and two, more than often, because three. It was something of a miracle that they didn’t get pregnant sooner. “Oh,” she giggled against his lips, pushing him back into the sofa to move on top of him again. “I have a great idea. We one up the fighting rumours and say you got a black eye from trying out to somer super exotic sex position. That would travel way quicker around the hospital than a stupid fight.”

SEVERIN “Whatever do you mean...” He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her exactly where she settled. He stopped kissing her, only to trail yet more kisses down onto her neck and her collar. They hadn’t got the date they expected, but it looked like she was in the mood for him to stay the night anyway. He was practiced at being the perfect distraction after all. “Right. Subtle, I like it.” She had more than enough fun circling rumours about his entire extended family. “I think the witnesses to the other event might have something to say about it but sure, why the hell not.”

CEE "There is nothing subtle about me baby." Her hands move from unbuttoning his shirt to pulling the zip down at the back of her dress; restless, a little too urgent. She never felt embarrassed with him, or like she was stepping over the mark. Even as they danced around each other for the past six months; they made a good team in and out of the bedroom. "Wait, wait," she gives a annoyed little groan. "Stop, I want this to be-- our second first time was on your office floor. At least let me light some candles in the bedroom or something. We're not... horny teenagers anymore, we should be having sex like adults. With some prep."23 October 2020

SEVERIN “You can say that again.” He grinned from ear to ear, total putty in her hands as she undressed him. He tried to help with the zip, even if it was a little awkward. When she stopped to whine, he paused too. Had he done something wrong? No, she was finding all new objections. “What are you talking about? Sex?” He played it confused, furrowing his brows almost comically. “I though we were going to get into some pyjamas and have a nap- seeing as you wanted chill.” He didn’t care about candles, or ambience. She was the only important part of that whole equation. “Speak for yourself, I think I could still pass for a first year without the stubble.”

CEE She seemed to struggle between having some semblance of being mature adults and-- well, getting laid. In that one respect, she had not grown up and had no real intention of it. While she hadn’t pursued many, if any, serious romantic relationships since the demise of theirs, she couldn’t say the same about more casual pursuits. It was the most fun way to burn calories after all. “Alright, fine, we can have fun, spontaneous living room sex until we are-- all official and holding hands in public. From then on in, it’s only boring missionary sex with lights off in the bedroom. Like adults.”

SEVERIN “Hey,” He leant back into the sofa, pulling away to get a good look at her. “If you want special then let’s do it. It’s not- I don’t want to hide anything. It’s not that at all.” He knew the weight of expectation, and the fallout that falling apart would mean now he was technically her boss. “It’s more giving this a shot without work politics, without your family or mine. Just us. And I don’t think I can agree to that- nothing about you will ever be boring.”

CEE Cee ran her hand through his hair, nodding along. To be with him, without expectation, might be nice. Not to be in the nurse group chat everything other day because she met eyes with Sev or they seemed to have had a spat in the third floor ward. “Just us,” she repeats, as if she’s agreeing to a contract. Cee wrapped her arms around his neck. “Take me to the bedroom, and it will be just us.”

SEVERIN He was practically purring at her hands in his hair. Being without this, without her, that was torture. He didn’t even realise how hard that was until now. He had been functioning almost entirely on empty, or just adrenaline. But now it could be them, just them, again. “Nice to know you’re still as demanding as always.” He wrapped one arm around her waist, using the good hand to push against the sofa and get the pair of them two their feet. “You’re going to have to give me directions, remember?”

CEE She is dangerously close to getting lost in his smile. “Oh, shoot. Um--” she glances around as if she has forgotten. “Right to the end of the hall and then to your right. Left! You know at least two of the other doors also have beds so you can’t go too wrong. If you trip over shoes, that’s a closest.” She doesn’t say one of many. When she bought the place the realtor asked if she had any children, hence the six bedroom. No, she had replied, I just have a lot of Dior.

[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Remarks: A few takeaway points from the RWBY Cast Interview

According to the CRWBY Writers, the very first episode of RWBY V7 was originally meant to be the fourteenth episode of RWBY V6 that was later scrapped by the season finale. So as pre-mentioned and alluded to from the RWBY V6 DVD Commentary, V7 will resume right from the end of V6 with out heroes arriving in Atlas at night and docking down somewhere in Mantle.

According to Barbara Dunkleman, there is apparently an ‘OMG!’ moment to come in the very first episode of V7, alluding to a tweet made by Neath Oum back during the events of V6. It was mentioned by Barb that there was supposed to be a moment that was going to happen at the end of V6 that they didn’t get to show cause it was in the scrapped V6 C14. I’m strictly paraphrasing here but…place your bets and theories on what you think that moment will be. But just to know, something surprising is to come in the first episode.

According to Miles, there are of course new Grimm including a new centipede-like Grimm pronounced as a sentinel but it’s probably spelt “Centinal” for the obvious pun.

According the Writers, since the setting for V7 will be in Atlas---a kingdom that is known for its awesome might, allegedly our heroes will find themselves having to fit in and, quote, ‘try and keep up’ with other new characters who are used to the status quo. So for those of us who were theorizing that teams RWBY and JN(P)R may resume their huntsmen training at Atlas Academy, it may seem we are getting our wish folks.  

It was also alluded to by the Writers that we may be seeing some ‘familiar faces who we haven’t seen in a while who went off to Atlas’. The fact that they mentioned old characters who went off to Atlas is giving me hope that we could be seeing some previous Beacon characters like possibly Cardin Winchester and the rest of Team CRNL showing up at Atlas too. It might just be a hunch but who knows.

It was also foreshadowed by the Writers that ‘things are not as they seem in Atlas’ in the sense that characters like Maria and Weiss who left Atlas a certain way might be weary of the fact that the kingdom doesn’t seem like how they remembered it and that could spark potential problems and battles for our heroes.

A small teaser clip of the V7 Trailer was also shown during the Cast Interview. Not sure if this was intentional or a slip up from SYFY but either way, for those of us online, we got a small taste of the V7 Trailer and it did not waste time in showing off some cool new visuals of Team RWBY in their V7 gear tackling Grimm. To check out the teaser, MurderofBirds uploaded a cut of it that you can find right here.

And that’s as much as I picked up from the Cast Interview. Hope it helps anyone who wasn’t able to catch the livestream. 

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)  

[lawrenceop]

Holy Land Retrospective - Day 6

Reminder: clicking on the link for each photo (links are all in red text) will take you to the Flickr page where you can see the photo in larger sizes.

Start with DAY 1, or catch up with DAY 2, or DAY 3, or DAY 4, or DAY 5. Or just read on!

PHOTO 26: It was Saturday; the day of the Jewish Shabbat, a holy day when the highlight of the whole pilgrimage took place: we would have Mass at the Empty Tomb of Christ, in the church of the Holy Sepulchre. Appropriately, we made our way to the church in silence, processing through deserted city, and the church, too, was nearly empty when we arrived. After all, it was shortly after 4 a.m. (!) when we entered the city through Herod’s Gate and walked through the silent Muslim Quarter to the Franciscan monastery. 

Moving some 250 people in silence through the uneven streets of an ancient city, before daybreak, is an impressive feat! But this silence and secrecy was entirely fitting. For the Gospels, too, are silent about what happened on the Saturday, the day of the Passover, after Jesus was crucified. St John says the following about the Friday on which Jesus died, the “day of Preparation” but concerning the Sabbath, nothing is reported – it is only alluded to:

“Since it was the day of Preparation, in order to prevent the bodies from remaining on the cross on the sabbath (for that sabbath was a high day), the Jews asked Pilate that their legs might be broken, and that they might be taken away... But one of the soldiers pierced his side with a spear, and at once there came out blood and water... After this Joseph of Arimathe'a, who was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly, for fear of the Jews, asked Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus, and Pilate gave him leave. So he came and took away his body. Nicodemus also, who had at first come to him by night, came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about a hundred pounds' weight. They took the body of Jesus, and bound it in linen cloths with the spices, as is the burial custom of the Jews. Now in the place where he was crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb where no one had ever been laid. So because of the Jewish day of Preparation, as the tomb was close at hand, they laid Jesus there.” (Jn 19:31, 34, 38-42)

From the Franciscan Monastery of the Flagellation, we began our quiet journey on the Via Dolorosa, sleepy but alert, praying the Stations of the Cross as best as we could. Somewhere in the crowd, Jim Caviezel walked with us, as together with him we walked the path of Jesus through the streets of Jerusalem. 

At around 5:30 a.m. we prayed the last three stations of the Cross in the courtyard in front of the church of the Holy Sepulchre; in the distance, a cock crowed. 

This photo was taken shortly after everyone had entered the church, looking back towards the way we had come; the minaret of the mosque of Omar looms overhead. For many of our group, it was their first time visiting Calvary and the Empty Tomb so I remained outside and I savoured the cool air of the morning; and soaked in the silence of the holy courtyard, traversed only by a cat or a monk; and I observed the colour of the sky change as the light of the new day came. Dawn at the Holy Sepulchre on an Easter Saturday: what a blessed moment!

PHOTO 27: We had a good hour and a half before the time allocated to us for Mass: time to explore, time to pray and reflect, time for Confession and spiritual preparation for Holy Mass. Ahead of us, saying Mass inside the Empty Tomb with a small group of pilgrims, was the Bishop of a French diocese, hence the doors are closed. During this time, one of our group took photos of these closed doors and she came and showed me the photos. One of them had the clear figure of a man robed in a white Jewish prayer shawl standing in the doorway, even though none of us had seen the doors even open! Take a look here and see what you think!

"I saw the risen Lord appearing to His Blessed Mother on Mount Calvary. He was transcendently beautiful and glorious, His manner full of earnestness. His garment, which was like a white mantle thrown about His limbs, floated in the breeze behind Him as He walked. It glistened blue and white, like smoke curling in the sunshine.” - Blessed Anne Catherine Emmerich’s vision of the Risen Lord. 

The photo above was taken very shortly before we went into the sacristy to prepare for Mass. I had been watching the sunlight of the new day penetrate the darkness of the Holy Sepulchre church. The rays of light enter through the smaller dome of the ‘Catholicon’ (the Greek Orthodox sanctuary in the centre of the building), and then it strikes the little onion dome and cross of the ‘Aedicule’, which is this structure that envelopes and protects the Empty Tomb itself. As the sun ascends in the sky, the rays of light then travel downwards until it reaches the doors of the Aedicule, and penetrate into the Empty Tomb. 

An hour after this photo was taken, I was standing inside the Aedicule, concelebrating the Holy Mass with my brother priests, standing around the very spot where the angel of the Resurrection had hailed the holy women that first Easter morning. And then, stooping to go into the Empty Tomb itself, I received the Eucharistic Body and Blood of the Risen Christ that was lying on the Altar, on top of the stone where Jesus had been laid and from which he had risen from the dead, alleluia!

This single moment, this sun-lit morning, all we had experienced so far on the 4th of May 2019, was probably one of the most unforgettable and spiritually intense moments of my whole life.   

“Do not be afraid... He is not here; for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead”. (Mt 28:5-7)

However, in every Mass, we encounter the Risen Lord, and we are then sent forth wherever we may be, as though from this Empty Tomb in Jerusalem, to quickly announce the Good News: Χριστός Ανέστη! Surrexit Dominus vere! Christ is risen, Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia!

PHOTO 28: The focus of this photo is the olive tree, for we are on the Mount of Olives, looking towards the Holy City with the iconic Dome of the Rock, the Muslim shrine built on the very site where the Temple of Jerusalem once stood until the Romans destroyed it, as Christ prophesied, in 70 AD. 

After Mass in the Holy Sepulchre, and after breakfast, we went to the top of the Mount of Olives to take in the view of the city, and then we descended the hill, waving palm branches and singing ‘Hosannas’ as we went; in a few hours we had gone from Easter morning to Palm Sunday! We made our way to the little church of Dominus Flevit where Jesus had beheld the city of Jerusalem, foretold of its destruction, and wept for its people. 

Looking towards the city, one takes in its long and complicated and turbulent history; full of human strife and violence as the One the city had once hailed with ‘Hosannas’ was rejected, taken outside, and executed as a criminal. But, as St Paul says: “In him all the fulness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.” (Col 1:19-20)

In this photo, therefore, I wanted to show the city in its splendour and in its divided history, and also to take in the branches of the trees which the people had cut and waved to hail the coming Messiah. But above all, I wanted to focus on the olive branch, not just because it indicated our location, the Mount of Olives, but because it is a universally recognised emblem of peace. 

“For the peace of Jerusalem pray: "Peace be to your homes! May peace reign in your walls, in your palaces, peace!"” – Psalm 122:6-7

Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi: dona nobis pacem. 

 PHOTO 29: Continuing to mark Holy Week in one day, we went to Mount Sion after lunch, to the site of the Upper Room, the cenacle, where Jesus had celebrated the Passover with his disciples, instituting the sacraments of the Holy Eucharist and the Priesthood. In the same room, the Holy Spirit had came upon Our Lady and the disciples at Pentecost so that “out of Sion shall go forth the law, and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem" (Isa 2:3). 

So, that Saturday afternoon we stood in a 14th-century structure built on various iterations of a church building that has stood here since the earliest days, although it is now sadly just an archeological space, a museum since beneath it is the tomb of King David, a holy shrine for the Jews and I suppose they did not want a church right above. But in the 5th-century, this holy place was called “Sion, Mother of all the Churches”. 

This name is fitting since it is here that the Church was born. As Pope St John Paul II wrote shortly after visiting this place: 

The Church, while pointing to Christ in the mystery of his passion, also reveals her own mystery: Ecclesia de Eucharistia. By the gift of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost the Church was born and set out upon the pathways of the world, yet a decisive moment in her taking shape was certainly the institution of the Eucharist in the Upper Room. Her foundation and wellspring is the whole Triduum paschale, but this is as it were gathered up, foreshadowed and “concentrated' for ever in the gift of the Eucharist. – Ecclesia de Eucharistia, 5.

The photo above is focussed on a carved stone capital from c.1335 that is part of the canopy over the platform where, perhaps, the altar would have once stood. This carving is interesting because of its Eucharistic symbolism. Over the past few days we have seen some other early Christian symbols such as the anchor, and the peacock. Here in the cenacle, in the place where Jesus gave us the Eucharist, we have the pelican. To be precise, two pelicans are shown plucking at the breast of the central pelican, and this symbol is known as the ‘Pelican in piety’. It was believed that pelicans would feed their own young with their own flesh and blood, and so this became an image of Christ feeding the Christian people: the Church receives its life from the Eucharist which is the sacrament of Christ’s Body and Blood; Ecclesia de Eucharistia. 

So St Thomas Aquinas prayed in his hymn, Adoro Te devote: 

Pie Pelicane, Jesu Domine, me immundum munda tuo Sanguine: cujus una stilla salvum facere totum mundum quit ab omni scelere.

Lord Jesus, Good Pelican, wash my filth and cleanse me with Your Blood, one drop of which can free the entire world of all its sins.

PHOTO 30: Standing at the doorway that leads up to the cenacle, we look back towards the tallest building in the area, built on the summit of Mount Sion. This is the Benedictine Abbey of the Dormition, which commemorates the fact that Our Lady, the “Daughter of Sion” fittingly ended her earthly life somewhere nearby on Mount Sion. Psalm 87, therefore, although it refers to the holy mountain of Sion has also long been regarded as alluding to Our Lady. For the Lord has preferred her to all others and has dwelt within her; like a city whose walls are never breached, so has she remained ever virgin yet is the abode of the great King: 

On the holy mountain is his city cherished by the Lord. The Lord prefers the gates of Sion to all Jacob's dwellings. Of you are told glorious things, O city of God! – Psalm 87:1-3

Saturdays, of course, are dedicated to Mary, so within the Dormition Abbey, we had gathered to sing glorious things concerning the Mother of God.  As we headed back to the Old City of Jerusalem, passing by the Sion Gate, I stopped to marvel at the many beautiful roses that bloomed here. They were another fitting tribute to Our Lady, and a glorious end to our tour on Lady Day in the Holy Land. 

Tomorrow: Reliving Easter Sunday at dawn by the Empty Tomb; Bethesda and Mary’s birthplace; Bar Mitzvah celebrations.

[squishymochisoo]

not him || brother’s best friend!minho

pairing : reader x lee minho (stray kids)

words : 1.3k

prompt : I think smth with Minho would be nice! Where both of you pine over each other and y/n thinks he's way out of her league and Minho thinks she's dating one of her friends (like Seungkwan? They're really close and full of pda but platonically) so aNGSTY PINING but everything works out in the end!!! (If you throw some "Minho oppa" on the middle I'll have a stroke but in the good way) Thank you, bubby! 💕

submitted by : @blacklioness15

______

you looked at minho, his features even clearer as the light shined through the window and onto his face. minho was your brothers, chan’s best friend. but he hung out in the house often for you to be friends with him. chan was doing his business in the toilet.

you looked at minho not sure whether to ask him the question that’s been on your mind all day.

“so…” you started. minho glanced at you, raising an eyebrow, for a while before looking back at his phone.

“i saw you talking to hani” you chuckled forcefully acting happy for him.

“hmm yea, what about it” he asked monotonously.

“you know the both of you look together.” you managed to get out. your heart was racing, your mind was in a frenzy. ‘god damnit why’d you say that’. your mind instantly thought about what would happen. would he agree and ask her out tomorrow?

“erm, no thanks.” he said his face saying everything else.

“but isn’t she your style? she’s so nice, smart and just so perfect.” you sighed. “i wish I was like her.” you smiled sadly.

minho opened his mouth but before he could get anything out, chan came back in.

“aLRGIHT MANGO GAME ON!” he ran to the console and jumped on the seat next to you. you looked at him weirdly.

as the three of your hung out that day, all that was on your mind was how you would never had a chance with him. how’d you would never be like all of the girls he talks to. you’d never be as perfect as them.

~~~~

you laughed as you watched a video on your phone. it was your birthday and plans that you had with chan had to be cancelled as he got called back for his job he had at one of the restaurants nearby. although you never really cared about your birthday, it was kind of sad to spend it alone.

you were surprised when the doorbell rang. you scuffled to the front door where your best friend stood. you giggled as he struggled with the amount of food he carried.

“seungkwan? what are you even doing here?” your smile widening every second.

“nothing, just wanted to spend time with my favourite birthday girl!”

“i’m the only one you know who’s birthday is today” you chuckled.

“i know! that’s why your my favourite!” you pouted and helped him with the overflowing amounts of food he carried in his hands.

“COME ON TORTOISE, I WANNA WATCH RATATOUILLE”

“buT IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” you whined at stared at him.

“fine what do you want to watch” he gestured at you.

“how about Mulan?”

“i love that movie but no” seungkwan poked you. you rolled your eyes playfully

“fine, just cause i love you.” the two of your snuggled on the sofa as the television played ratatouille.

the two has always been close, you didn’t know how it happened honestly. when chan found his own friends, you found yours too.

~~~

your phone started ringing halfway through the movie,

“minho oppa? what’s up?” you answered his call surprised and confused.

“happy birthday little bunny!” you giggled as his calm voice echoed through the phone. your felt your cheeks getting hotter. before you could reply he hung up.

“so minho oppa eh?” seungkwan said from beside you.

“shut up” you hit suengkwan on hit shoulder as you snuggled into his chest and continued watching the movie.

~~~

you always left the door unlocked and minho, a frequent visitor knew that. he opened the door quietly hoping to surprise you on your special day. as he opened the door he hearder laughters and chatters.

“didn’t chan say y/n was going to be home alone?” minho thought to himself. minho shook the thoughts out of his head as he headed closer to the living room.

minho stared at the sofa, where you and seungkwan were cuddling and laughing. it took awhile for minho to register what he was seeing.

the both of you were cuddling. seungkwan’s arms literally wrapped around you. something minho wished he could do to you.

minho knew the two of you were so close like two peas jn a pod however, he was never sure if the two of your were together. of course, he wished with every ounce in his body that this wasn’t true.

but every time minho asked you about seungkwan, a smile would appear on your face as you go off talking about seungkwan.

his eyes narrowed in confusion.

“oppa! you’re here!” your voice snapped minho out of his thoughts. minho smiled at you and saw seungkwan nod in his direction.

“what are you even doing here?” you asked minho confused.

“well, i wanted to bring you out on your birthday since chan said you’d be home alone, but it seems you have company” his voice a little strained

“I’ll just got.” minho pointed to the door.

“no! you can stay and hang out with me and seungkwan. the more the merrier right?” minho nodded slowly. a part of him didn’t want to be around a couple especially if that couple wasn’t you and him. but a part of him wanted to stay just to be around you.

throughout the stay minho realized that the two of you never left each other’s side. of course you talked to him, but minho shifted himself to the furthest end of the sofa. the more minho looked that the both of you, the more annoyed he became.

 you noticed that he became distant.

“oppa, you hungry? do you want something to eat?” you ask and all you’d get back is a simple no. you were confused. his answers seemed so forceful.

the phone ring and you felt seungkwan move to pick up his phone.

“okay mom, bye” seungkwan looked at you.

“i have to go, my mom wants me to pick up some groceries for her.” he stood up and gave you a hug as he whispered to you.

“happy birthday bug, now go spend time with mr handsome.” he chuckled softly. you hit him on the chest and ushered him out. and to minho what he just saw with his own two eyes was beyond disgusting.

~~

when it was left with the two of you, minho still seemed out of it. he still gave short answers and ignored the life out of you when he could. the atmosphere turned tensed.

“what’s wrong with you??” you managed to get out when the atmosphere was too awkward for you to stand.

“what’s wrong with me?” minho sputtered out.

“yea you heard me right. you’ve been distant and it sounds like you’ve had enough of me or something!”

“sometimes i don’t understand you!” minho shouted back. you were confused.

“look. i didn’t ask you to be here. get out if you’d rather be somewhere else. i really don’t want to spend time with somebody that sounds like he’s being forced to hang out with me on my birthday.”

“you don’t get it!”

“then what? you don’t like seungkwan?” you asked rhetorically.

“yes!” your eyes furrowed in anger at his reply.

“he’s my best friend! what are you to me? you expect me to get rid of someone for you?” you scoffed.

“i just don’t want him to be so close to you.” he said softly. if that was meant for you to melt at his comment. he was wrong.

“why does that concern you? are you my father? my boyfriend? i don’t think so!” you were so filled with anger you didn’t realize minho stepping closer to you.

“what if i want to be your boyfriend?” his hot breath on your face. your eyes widened, is this real?

“then i guess that’s fine” you whispered back as minho closed the gap between the both of you, his lips on yours.

“what the fuck, i told you to spend time with her on her birthday not fucking kiss her” chan screamed from the front door.

 ________________________________________________

okie! let me know how this was? i don’t know if i like writing for requests now so i’m still thinking about this request thing. so yes! okay if i don’t even write for y’all you know why! i feel like it’s so hard to think about what and how to write unlike normally.

[gaycey-sketchit]

(Gary anon) Always nice to see how much range a VA has. (And endgame will be here before we know it. Hopefully it'll satisfy most) If anything, Tobias being thrown in just proved how much of a high point Ash was at that they had to resort to something 'drastic' as that to push him down again. (Torkoal being here instead of calling back Charizard will always remain a odd choice; but I guess they didn't want the Paul fight to be overshadowed much. Speaking of whom, Paul coming back)

.

(Part 2) (to possibly fight Ash again better not mean Gary doesn't get anything later. I know I'm being repetitive but, he deserves something to fully showcase his research progress. Something that encapsulates him NOW compared to *Johto. *As good as it was back then, neglecting to show his League battle results compared to Indigo made things feel a bit one-sided and hurt the buildup a little) I can see one more setback with his team being thrown in for him, but once Master Class

(Part 3) starts, that's it until it officially ends. A setback with Ash himself as a person for development? Definitely plausible. (I believe it was someone who's work on this anime for several years; I have the quote somewhere but the main thing is, "Pokemon Master" is just a way for endless adventures. Even if Ash was retired, I doubt it's with him ceasing to travel) I still feel vindicated on Iris finally having her Haxorus and seeing her game Champion outfit; the latter I've always

(Part 4) wondered how they'd implement it. Also Serena coming back for mainly her character. (Not sure how I'd feel about him going through yet another legend jobbing in JN; but it's still more understandable than what happened in DP. Hmm, I've seen some say Gary will leave with Project Mew with Goh and Tokio; but I never got that vibe from him? This feels like a temporary detour for him before he's back to traveling on his own terms. Restless spirit and that jazz.) Going back

(Part 5) to the "no more challenges after Leon" phase Ash could go through, there's growing speculation on him becoming less enthused by his winning streak; even potentially feeling guilty because those who have the same desire as him for their own reasons are having their dreams squashed losing to him. (And it means a new dub intro song soon too. If that Netflix leak is proven true, the next season will be called be "Pokemon Ultimate Journeys") Not much happened

(Part 6) into today's besides Suicune coming back and Raihan's rank being #8. But it was a cute Yamper episode. (The battle will be a 3v3. And Dragonite will suffer its first onscreen KO; that was going to be a given at some point. Feels like Ash will win here with how much this is being hyped up as a PWC climax before Masters, but anything can happen. I'm just left wondering what the results mean for Paul and Flint, unless they're buildup for Cynthia)

Yeah, some VAs have amazing range. I know I've said a lot of things about Carter Cathcart but if somebody had told me both Oaks and two thirds of the TRio were voiced by the same guy in the current dub before I had the means to look it up myself, I would not have believed them. In awe of that man's range (and also how well he voices Gary in particular--amazed at his ability to bring pathos to a role that has him pitching his voice up probably about as high as possible while talking through his nose).

So soon! It's been such a ride. It's bittersweet to think about reaching the end in a matter of months, as controversial (and admittedly flawed) as it's been I've found Journeys really cute and fun and an interesting shakeup of the anime's formula, but entering the endgame means some exciting stuff is coming!

Yeah, in DP Ash was so powerful that it took two consecutive legendaries to stop him. Like the opposite of plot armor.

Torkoal sure was a choice. Yeah, not wanting the Paul fight to get overshadowed too much makes sense.

Yeah, if Paul's presence ends up leading to the Ash rival I actually like getting shafted I'm becoming a Journeys hater (/j, but I would be disappointed and annoyed). Gary really does deserve a chance to really show how far he's come since Johto. The Silver Conference battle was awesome but it was also almost two whole decades ago.

I hadn't really thought about that but yeah, it would've been good to see a bit of his battles leading up to Ash.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Yep, love Ash's lofty never-ending goal. Love that in the early days it seemed like it might've been an official title but it turns out Ash is the only person who maybe knows what he's talking about there. Yeah, even when/if he departs from the series, his journey will probably continue. It's hard to imagine him permanently settling down for anything.

Yeah, Iris and Serena's returns were good too. And despite the complaints some people have had about Dawn's, I think it was nice. I remember her going through some rough times in her coordinating career during DP, so it's good to see her happy and thriving.

It'd at least be hard for him to be left on a worse note than what DP put him through. (Knocking on wood. Afraid I'm going to jinx it saying stuff like that.)

Yeah, I see it as another temporary thing for him, like Sayda and his work with Rowan were. He's traveling around in pursuit of his own lofty goal now and the Project Mew thing is only part of that.

Yeah, that's a possibility. Though it pains me so much to think of Ash losing enthusiasm for battling.

Oh, yeah! That'll be fun.

Yeah, I ended up finding it on YouTube and watching it last night and it sure was uneventful but cute. A nice little slice of life episode before the action starts to amp up.

Everyone I follow on Twitter who's following Journeys wants Ash to lose to Raihan. It's pretty funny to see so many tweets that are essentially "I love him but I am actively rooting against him this time." However the match plays out it should be pretty exciting! Though I am a bit disappointed that the battle against Raihan won't be a double battle, because that's his whole thing and I love double battles.

I guess we'll see how all that plays out in the coming weeks. Should be interesting!

[kendrene]

They were trying to justify it all last summer, saying that the cast doesn't see it when Kat LITERALLY BROUGHT IT UP AT DRAGONCON. Kat's personal life does not exist to entertain the fandom. Do not spew verbal abuse at the cast and their loved ones. Where did all these problematic people come from after S1?

Wild guess here, some of the toxic elements of other fandoms moved to WE. Which sucks cause I know people that came to WE after clexa for example that are absolute sweet people. Anyway there are unfortunately toxic and obnoxious fans jn every Fandom but where they come from doesn’t matter as much as the fact that respecting actors’ personal lives should be a no brainer.

If this keeps up I honestly wouldn’t blame Kat or Ray or Dom for making their Instagrams private. It would anger me not because they choose to, but because we would all lose the lovely interactions we have with them on it because of a few assholes who can’t for lack of a better term “keep it in their pants.”

Honestly this will sound harsh but I have come to a point in which I have zero sympathy for those people that complain non stop about society assuming they are straight and then turn around and label their faves a sexuality they are not to satisfy a fantasy. Which is all fine if you do it in your head but the moment you comment somewhere they can see it, it becomes as stomach turning as someone assuming I am straight because hey that’s the default.

I kid you not last night one of the girls commenting on that Instagram photo complained about Ray being around Kat because we don’t need a reminder she is straight.

Excuse me, they are married and if there is one person who has the right to spend every moment they can with Kat it’s her husband. And how can people possibly hate such a nice guy when it is obvious how radiant him and Kat are together.

What, because she isn’t a lesbian IRL but plays Nicole Haught on screen and we all have a crush on Nicole? Well cry me a fucking river. Nicole and Kat aren’t the same person and this is a human being with her own love and life that people are trying to peg as something she is not.

And if people can’t distinguish between fiction and real life they need to stay away from social media until they do. This isn’t an high school crush, it’s a woman who is married to the love of her life who happens to be a man and we can’t demand people respect our life choices on who we love if we can’t respect theirs as well.

Ray and Kat have been nothing but amazing allies to the lgbt community and the people who send Ray abuse need to grow the hell up and remember there are actual people on the other side.

I can’t believe that people who get bullied on the daily could turn around and do stuff like this and feel ok with it because he is a straight man.

Jesus.

[fadingbeardglitter-blog]

So, after disappearing for several years, I decided to see where JN had gotten with the Orphen series. I decided to pick up the last book I was familiar with -- Volume 6. And let's just say... It's a big yikes.

I get the distinct impression they switched translators relatively early into the series, because some names had been changed (such as Wyrd Dragons). As I went on, I came to realize that there were heaps, and heaps, and heaps of inaccuracies, redundancies, even entire scenes that were either written incorrectly or cut outright (for no apparent reason? They weren't necessarily all violent).

I knew I'd have some disagreements with the work, but it's a little appalling, imo, that some of these mistakes were even pointed out on the forum and still made it to publication and sale. It's to the point that I would be fairly comfortable saying, you just flat out won't get an accurate representation of events with this book. This is a big change from earlier volumes where most of the complaints were about the naming conventions -- but not necessarily the translations themselves (and even then, those naming conventions had solid arguments behind them).

Examples under the cut.

First, let's get my main hair splitting / nit picky thing out of the way.

- Leki running around yapping. Deep Dragons can't bark. In the books they don't make sound. This is a somewhat minor detail but it's still a distinct character trait that was ignored.

Unless you're a Deep Dragon in a Drama CDs, or else how are people going to know you're there if you're not yelping and skittering away?

- That's not what happened?

- Details like saying the guards blasted a hole in the wall so Majic could escape. Majic didn't need to escape. The guards were already there. The bad guy escaped by blasting a hole through the wall. This is not the only (or even one or two) instances where the actions of the bad guys were attributed to the good guys, making the good guys seem a lot worse than they are.

.

Another key example is saying that they (Orphen & Co.) had to stop that message (about Tish being attacked) from reaching the Tower.

This is a rather startling one because it is already established in this very volume that the bad guys are killing off messengers to control the flow of information. When Orphen & co. say THEY need to stop them, THEY suddenly look like murderers. (Context: They had no way of knowing if the message had reached the Tower, because of aforementioned assassinations)

.

Constantly attributing lines to the wrong people. I can at least understand this one a bit more because in Japan they really like having run on conversations that rely on context to understand who's speaking.

However, some things are obvious. Like, injecting Majic into a conversation when, story wise, he is specifically stated not to be there. This one bugs me because a single proofread of the volume (Just one) would have made this apparent. There are a lot of cases like this. Sometimes, they even attribute events to the wrong thing even if the context and clarifications were in the very paragraph before it.

.

Other obvious ones include attributing lines specifically talking about Hydrant's scar to Orphen, as if Orphen has the scar, and Hydrant & Co talking about "the book" when fighting Tish. Hydrant both infers multiple (relevant) books and offers a book to his colleague. There is only one book in question here, the World Book. Tish doesn't have it, and neither do they. That's the entire storyline of this book. I'm not sure how that context could be missed, when the focus of this book bleeds so heavily into the pages of every single chapter. They want that specific book and if Hydrant had it, they wouldn't be there.

.

Making it sound like Hydrant lost fingers in the fight against Tish. Tish. Tish is the one that had her fingers cut through.

.

Making up and cutting scenes?

Some scenes get deleted for seemingly no reason. This isn't a print media (and last I heard, had no intention of being-) so I'm not sure this would be tacked up to needing to hit certain page count markers. For example, an entire page was cut regarding Vinvi's (Vinbi's?) fight with Cleao.

Sidebar Complaint: Cutting all breaks in the chapters. This includes extra spacing between paragraphs that indicates a jump in time, and includes literal separators that mark a change in scene. This leads to one scene frequently feeding straight into another.

Moving into a stumbling face-planting mess of a sequence where Orphen is fighting Hydrant. There is an entirely fabricated sequence in which Orphen's shoes are blown off by an explosion??? And he walks around to pick up his shoe. This spans like half a page, and then feeds into Vinvi hunting Cleao. So one second we're on Orphen, the next we're on Vinvi, with no cue that there has been a change in character perspective. They even go so far as to have Orphen acknowledge Vinvi, even though these characters are nowhere near each other at the time. (Context: Vinvi was looking at Cleao's shoes, which she had thrown as a distraction, and balking at how obvious the trap was. I don't know why they thought this had anything to do with Orphen's battle, or how they missed the 1-2 pages involving this incident.)

.

Ending Rant

Some of these things might seem minor, but I gotta confess, I couldn't get through more than 2 pages without issues like this. It's a little disheartening as I already own a lot of the books, but now know I won't be able to get a proper understanding of the story and character facts if I read through the officially licensed version. This isn't the usual matter of "they had to change stuff for censorship". It's a matter of "This is just blatantly, inexcusably wrong, and any proofreading whatsoever would've told them that." Some of these were even pointed out by members, and ignored. I had originally considered writing in about it, but frankly, the sheer volume of inaccuracies would borderline on part time job hours, and I'm guessing this series doesn't sell well enough to make it worth fixing from a financial standpoint. It would require a thorough review of the entire book.

I just had to vent somewhere and this dead blog seemed like the right place. Not tagging since it's just petty whining. To clarify, I do NOT speak fluent Japanese, but know enough to recognize where the inaccuracies lie, and look them up in the original books (which I have all of.) Most of these things I found because the scenes didn't make any sense, and I found myself thinking "I wonder what it said in Japanese?"

Guess from here on out it's trying to stumble my way through the JP editions!

[jasenet]

200714 | #fruit-orchard

( image cover. ) — location: town of lunaris.

JN: The chirping birds from far and near seem to emphasize how much hotter it is now. They're in the peak of the Summer season, which is ample time for strawberry picking. However, that's not to say they won't be sweating buckets throughout the whole process. Even he'll admit that wearing a long-sleeved rainbow top adorned with equally as colorful patches is not the wisest of choices. But he'll survive with a basket of freshly picked strawberries. Or die of heatstroke. Whichever comes first. And with the land reserved primarily for the orchard itself, there aren't that many cell towers that he can see. Julian's not the type to rely so much on his phone regularly—minus having Cameron give him directions by texted photos—so the relative bout of nature doesn't stir him much. When looking into his basket now as well as Chase's to compare, he wonders if he's getting it wrong. "Are the reddest ones the best? Or the biggest ones?"

CH: even with the buttons undone on his short-sleeve shirt, pastel yellow fluttering open to reveal the sky blue tank he wears inside, the sunlight is harsher on a day like today, beads of sweat lining his brows underneath the wide brimmed hat atop his head. for the sake of one of his favorite fruits and for picking said fruits with one of his favorite pack members, the heat is nothing. if only his body would cooperate. swiping at his brow with the back of his hand, he leans his head from side to side, letting out a deep breath as he aims to distract his mind from the summer sun, gaze landing on the basket beside him instead. he'd been kneeling at first, falling back and leaning with his arms supporting him when julian asks him about how to pick. best is subjective but chase likes them sweet so the reddest ones had been his target so they could eat them sooner. "the more red they are, the more ripe they are! biggest doesn't mean anything for taste . . . right?" leaning over, he takes the hat from atop his head to plop it on top of julian's, grinning as he taps the brim, making it partially cover their face. "do you like sweet strawberries?" 

JN: With a basket filled with the brightest reds and some favoring the bigger sizes, there's more confusion towards Chase's preference. But once it's explained to him, how the redder ones are the sweetest, he can't not pick them now. Nodding promptly, he quickly heads back to picking the purely vibrant colors he previously ignored. "I'll get those ones, then." He can't say anything about Chase's verbal confusion now. Julian deals with medicinal plants for the most part. He never even goes into the fruits and vegetable garden for a quick peak. The kitchen would have the ripe ones stocked, and he trusts the judgement of their fellow pack members on that front. Scrunching his nose at the hat transference, a giggle escapes him. Chase is always so kind and considerate to him. "I do! If they aren't sweet enough, I'll melt some chocolate for dip. But I never really noticed that the brightest ones would be sweeter somehow." Glancing over at Chase, somewhat unable to look away from the grin that adorns his features, it's as if he forgets his own heat struggles for a moment. "I'd make strawberry cake, a tart, cookies, anything else, if I could use the oven. I'm afraid it would blow up in my face." 

CH: "wait, i'm not completely sure," he laughs, reaching out for julian's arm, fingers find the lota's forearm and he ends up sliding his hand down, patting theirs before he just lets his own hand rest there. chase has gone into their fruits and veggie garden often but he normally follows someone else's lead, takes the word of someone more experienced over his own. occasionally, he's even reminded that he knows this or should by now but he likes being certain when it comes to something this important, to the pack's food. it's the least he can do, isn't it? if he could cook more like near, he wouldn't feel so unaccomplished about helping but he swears his skills have been improving bit by bit. til now, he's managed not to nick himself with a knife while chopping. baby steps. that's what it boils down to. julian's giggle is so cute that chase tips the end of the hat again, grin so wide that he feels the tug at his cheeks. "chocolate covered strawberries sound good! but i want to make a smoothie later. we can make a lot of things if we pick enough." pausing to wipe at his brow with the back of his free hand again, he looks to julian with wide eyes. "let's try baking together. i bet we could do it if we try together." 

JN: As naive as it may be, most times he's trusting the word of others. There's an assumption he makes that they would know better than he does. A few things hold exceptions, however, like his medical expertise, but he'll argue that he'll never know enough. Life's all about learning, he's discovered. So, at the very least, anything told to him is a 'theory' before it gets confirmed by something else. In this case, they'll have to perform a few mini-experiments over which is sweeter since he never takes his previous picks out of his basket. He stops to look at Chase when uncertainty is expressed, knitting his brows in question. "We can give this much a try." He picks his basket up, three-forth of the way filled. 

"A smoothie would be really nice, yeah. We'll have a strawberry feast!" Sitting down cross-legged now, the heat is really starting to get to him as he uselessly fans himself with his shirt. "Does that mean you don't know how to bake either? Or that you'll teach me? But also, are we taking them all home or—" He abruptly stops speaking when he sees a beige-colored bunny hopping around behind Chase. "Or maybe a bunny." Absentmindedly pulling a strawberry out, he quietly makes his way towards the creature to try feeding them, while crawling on all fours. 

CH: the faith in his words, no matter if he’s not the only one that julian has such belief in, are as heart-warming as julian’s other traits and he questions if there’s anything about julian that doesn’t give him the warmth of gentle sunshine; if there’s any kind of darkness that julian can’t illuminate and render powerless against his smile, especially when it reaches his eyes or extends to the gentleness of his hands despite the callouses or scars. julian is so gentle and kind for what chase has seen. physical scars wear more on the soul in his opinion. chase doesn’t wear his own trauma in such a way. it makes it easier to avoid and ignore. julian carries himself with a bravery and tenderness that chase wouldn’t be able to so the only answer he can give is a “yes” paired with a smile that becomes infallible in the lota’s presence. “a strawberry feast it is!” he tries to think of all the things they could make off the top of his head and it’s difficult to narrow it down to what he wants to make most after a smoothie or the chocolate covered strawberries julian mentioned. “i can bake a little! i’m normally the sous chef to near but . . . i have some of my own tricks!” sort of anyway. “i think we coul— a bunny?” he repeats the sentiment, brows furrowing til he follows the path of julian’s gaze, eyes widening as he falls back, basket set aside so he can reach into his pocket to take out his phone, already taking a picture of how julian crawls towards the small creature. “where did it come from? uwaa, so cute!” 

JN: The bunny sniffs the strawberry before taking a bite out of it. Julian's elated in an instant, reaching out to gently pet it in his new-found trust. He lays on his front the more it nibbles. "I'm not sure. I didn't see any bunnies earlier." Then once it finishes near the peduncle, he moves to pick it up and flips himself onto his back to lay it on his chest. "A wild bunny?" Looking over at Chase now, he quickly puts two and two together—a phone pointed at him must mean he's being photographed. Even if the subject is the bunny, he'll still be somewhere in it. Rather than whine about it outright, he instead covers his face with the bunny all while he sits himself upright. "Come here and pet it then." He keeps his head low. "And I'm gonna name you... Hop Tart." A chuckle escapes him as he says it, quickly looking up at Chase. "We're making strawberry tarts, too, right?" And now that he's back on the topic of cooking, he processes what the omega told him just prior to this. "Also, what's a sous chef?" 

CH: how quickly the bunny trusts julian enough to eat from his hand doesn't come as a surprise. instead, he's delighted, no longer curious enough to wonder where it came from as much as he's grinning just watching everything happen. julian and his love of small animals isn't much of a secret in the pack, he doesn't think it is anyway, not with the occasional time he's seen cam dealing with one of them or held one of them himself when he catches julian coming home. it's just a lot cuter in person each time he sees it. in fact, he might have too many pictures of julian holding some animal but photos don't take up a lot of memory anyway, right? when julian tells him to come pet it, chase resists the urge to pet the lota instead, smiling at both the softness of the bunny's fur and the name given to it. "strawberry tarts? we can make those! we can make anything you want." whether it's edible in the end, he isn't completely sure but they'll have fun either way, right? maybe whatever they make can be salvaged by near if it needs to be. he's learned a lot though as a— "oh, it's like . . . an assistant! an assistant chef? oh like if the chef is the head of the kitchen, like an alpha, then a sous chef is second? like a beta?" 

JN: "Then, let's make a pie, too! It's one of those things I think I have to use an oven with." He's still unsure how to use the oven. In theory, he knows it's supposed to be simple enough. But in practice, heat is not that controllable. As he sits Hop Tart on his knee, Julian smooths their back as their nose wiggles about. "Still hungry?" He reaches out to grab another strawberry without really seeing it. It's bright red in most places, what does that mean? When Chase explains the sous chef position, he tilts his head in wonder. "So you're a beta?" Julian clasps his hands together as he falls onto his back, letting Hop Tart hop into Chase's care. "That's so awesome! No wonder the kitchen is so immaculate, and the food is so tasty." It still doesn't stop him from missing meals, but it is quite a feat regardless. He sits up while still leaning on his hands. "We're definitely keeping Hop Tart. He's so sweet, we have to! We have all the strawberries ever for him to eat, too. It's perfect." 

CH: "pie crusts are fun to play with. do you think we could make a pretty design? between the two of us, we could manage, right?" the better approach might be to play it safe but julian tends to make him feel brave anyway so why not? why not go for everything he could possibly do? his focus easily switches to watching hop tart and how julian interacts with the cute bunny. he ends up comparing the two and smiling to himself til julian asks if that means he's a beta and chase laughs so loud he might've scared the poor bunny. instead, the small animal hops towards him and arms open, eyes wide, he reaches out for it, cradling the bunny in his arms and gently petting its head. "i don't do too much! near knows a lot more... a lot, a lot but i try to learn from him." eyeing julian, he huffs, hop tart wiggling in his arms when he does and he murmurs a soft apology when he glances down, gaze returning to julian as he says, "then come eat with the rest of us more often. oh— could we really keep him? where would we put him..." because, unfortunately, he's seen bunnies come into the kitchen too for very different reasons.