#there's enough men with short hair in kpop and long hair is always so much more aesthetically pleasing

[skinzchoerim]

My emotional attachment to OnlyOneOf's hair should be studied, this ain't normal

[the-soul-of-a-morningstar]

Hello! Thank you so much for doing a matchup trade with me :3 you seem so cool btw. here I go!

Also just @ me when your done!

my name is jaxrel! i also use "jax" for short, I also use other names like lan, himawari, eden, etc. I use he/him pronouns and im a trans man who's bisexual with more of a male pref. and thanks to the testosterones I have a deeper voice :D im a aquarius and i have a lot of mental discorders which l'll get to in a bit.

PERSONALITY: I'm a ENTP, 4W3 (or 3W2) Ravenclaw. I'm very extroverted but I also have some introvert traits which l'll get down to in a minute, my personality is very unique but also hard to describe. I'm very confident, straightforward and I have a sense of justice for myself (I have a urge to correct someone of faulty information), uses "big" words, good sense of humor, playful, entertaining, optimistic, mischievous, curious(l'm nosy and I love gossip), I can be a rule breaker(sometimes don't mean to). l'm extremely independent, when comfortable talk about a lot of stuff for hours, loud talker, emotions come off as sarcastic or silly due to autism). As for my sense of humor I can be sometimes crude. l'm a very chill and intelligent person but some people would say I have some "repressed anger issues, get a reallyyy overractive Brain, tend to get deep and philosophical when I'm left on my own for to long, I can be verbally aggressive when prevoked. Usually when I meet people I come off as awkward and shy, even distant but l'lI get comfortable with them soon enough. I'm very polite and sweet btw! I may look scary sometimes (*cough* that's what I get for being emo *coughs harder*) but l'm always there for someone no matter what. I'm the dad friend. When I go out I always bring water bottles, first aid kit, chapsticks (pretty much anything you can think of). I have a lot of social awareness but i often intentionally act in a rash and unapologetic way because personally i do not care at all for social norms or rules. As l'm the dad friend (also the therapist friend too) l've been told give a lot of good advice and im also a very good listener too. English isn’t my first language either since I was born in the Middle East and speak Arabic more, basically my English isn’t the best and I’m much more fluent in Arabic, Spanish, Korean and Japanese. Here's more information linked here about me. (which I suggest reading)

I've been diagnosed with a lot of disorders such as Autism, ADHD, Schizophrenia, BPD + etc, it's hard especially with my Autism, sadly a lot of these run on my mothers side of the family and I gotten a lot of them, I'm prone to psychosis/ delusions and sometimes it happens in episodes that can last for months. I also get really mad if people piss me off which goes for my repressed anger issues.

When i'm talking to people I get very loud and unhinged, just very silly like i'm spamming cursed images and telling my friends i'm going to eat their skin and shit like that (AS A JOKE......), just being very neurotic. a lot of my friends describe me as a feral creature HELP. I also use a lot of memes to react to things (which is usually anime, kpop, or just random ones)

I'm very flirty towards people sometimes, sometimes even tease a little but it's not mean spirited or anything. I'm still a friendly person. And I spend time and effort on the people I like and the things I find interesting but I find pretty much anything interesting hehe.

I've been told I act a lot more like victor nikitorov from a lot of my friends and I kinda know why because of how cheerful can be and from what I know I don't seem to understand -or even care about-conventional social norms. I also have that rock star charm. And as an extra I can always dazzle woman and men alike without a single glance). And I also act like Elysia a lot too which you can find more here from her personality.

MISC.: clumsy; accidentally (+purposefully) misuses slang or common phrases ; enjoys skin care and hair care ; I also tend to enjoy makeup routines to be more masculine; able to pick up new skills relatively quickly; studied french, korean, japanese + etc; l'm very good at doing my outfits (probably because I got a lot of help from chinese people...) ; prone to being a bit directionless in life ; prone to bad luck but tries to find the humor in most situations ; life approach: to live a life of varied experiences, to not take life too seriously, to not dwell too much on the past.

KINS: hiyori tomoe (enstars), yoosung kim (mystic messenger), jumin han (mystic messenger), hanako (tbhk), felix kranken (twf), albedo (genshin impact), shoya ishida (a silent voice), tom (eddsworld). eridan (homestuck), karkat (homestuck), shu itsuki (enstars), miyamura izumi (horimiya), michael afton (FNAF), lolbit (FNAF), mangle (FNAF), natsume sakasaki (enstars), sora harukawa (enstars), urumi akamaki (alice in borderland), V (mystic messenger), hagumi kitazawa (bandori), matsubara kanon (bandori), shinji ikari (neon genesis evangelion), minami kotobuki (oshi no ko), lain iwakura (serial experiments lain), hajime hinata (danganronpa), k-angel (needy streamer overdose) and more.

KINS I RELATE TO THE MOST: Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice), Tei (Nameless), Cutthroat (Akudama Drive, Except the Bloodlust cutthroat has.), Elysia (Honkai Impact 3rd), Ranpo Edogawa (Bungo Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu (Bungo Stray Dogs), Space Ishtar (Fate), Okita Souji (Fate), Langa Hasegawa (Sk8 The Infinity), Sherlock Holmes (TGAA), Zack (Final Fantasy 7), Vash The Stampede (Trigun), Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist), Otonashi Yuzuru (Angel Beats), Karma Akabane (Assassination Classroom), Vanitas (Study Case of Vanitas), Zoe Hange (AOT), Shinoa Hiragi (Seraph of The End) + more

(psssst, my kin lists will help you know more about my personality:))

LOVE LANGUAGES: physical touch, quality time. (giving) gift-giving, physical touch, quality time (receiving)

(I really like physical touch the most and I always get called a "clingy koala" because I love hugs sm, and also because I cuddle my plushies for HOURS on no end)

IDEAL DATE(S): Usually if I was the one to chose a date it would be at dinner or at a picnic outside somewhere nice and maybe we can either go to the movies, arcade or mall. I wouldn't really care what my partner would like to do, and if they wanna do something and wanna buy something l'I have so much money on me. I would also die (not rlly, I would feel my SOUL go out of my body) if my partner were to ever get anything I liked (which is plushies, energy drinks, chocolate (AND) strawberries, etc) ILL LITERALLY HUG THE SHIT OUTTA THEM.

HOBBIES: gaming, anthropology pathology, theology, zoology, music, dancing, filmmaking, art (drawing, painting, pottery, digital art, etc), learning different instruments/languages, cosplaying, skateboarding, tabletop RPG's, taking pictures of things that I think are pretty, collecting figurines/stuffed animals and puppetry, science/history, soccer(football)/volleyball/ basketball, skating and swimming, cooking/baking, art is definitely my main hobby I dedicate a lot of time to it, I can play 5 instruments which is the piano, cello, koto and bass/electric guitar, I know 6 languages and I'm learning more right now (which are hindi, german, cantonese and chinese if your interested).

I love gaming a lot and I play a lot of survival horror games, role-playing games, visual novels, etc, spent a lot of my money on games for my nintendo, Ps5 and computer. I play too much on roblox and basically during my freetime when I'm not studying other things I like/OR for school I'm usually in my gaming seat playing away and eating junk food. The games I really enjoy playing is roblox, class of 09, honaki impact 3rd, omori, any rhythm games and etc…

I also like writing and reading a lot, including with a studying new things with history, languages, etc. I love taking naps too and I also enjoy watching youtube (my favorite youtubers are flamingo, berleezy, kub scoutz, markiplier, benoftheweek, funkyfrogbait, etc). This also includes with me liking to watch movies as well, same goes for tv shows, asian dramas, etc.. (I also tend to rewatch a lot but not too much; like watching the harry potter movies, any of the marvel movies, horror movies, etc.)

I've been told I'm a very good dancer! I do belly dancing and I also do hiphop dancing as well. I've been in a lot of sports for years now since I was little (thank you to my mother for forcing me :,D) and now I'm in so many! and l've won a lot of rewards and I've been to a couple championships all because of me.

I'm also very, VERY skilled in cooking, baking, etc and I'm always happy to share what I baked with my closest ones.

Likes: Chocolate, Strawberries, Pizza, Iced Coffee and Boba Tea, Anime/ Manga, Music, Food, Winning in arguments online or irl, Reading, Cats, Sharks, Animals in general, Cold/or Rainy Weather, Shopping, Action or Romance movies, Kdrama(pretty much any asian dramas), Spicy & Sweet Food, Ramen.

Music: | like (too much) music a lot. I'm a k/jpop stan, I listen to metal/rock a lot, I listen to vkei and vocaloid a lot too, this is also another genre I enjoy listening to but idk what to call it but it's similar to 6arelyhuman, Odetari, Kets4eki, etc (I make similar music to them), I also listen to a lot of indie pop, rap music and scene music. I've been a really big lemon demon fan and I really like listening to any sad music too. my spotify is here

Apperance: l'm pretty tall l'm 5'8 right now and l'm on the very skinny side (I literally get called a twig everyday I'm half Polish and Half Middle Eastern (Iraqi) / Filipino. People usually get confused and a lot I get questions if I'm from North Korea, Hawaii, Brazil or Mexico (it's mostly north korea though HELP idk why people think that), I have dyed black hair. My hair is pretty short (but a little long only going down my neck a few inches) but I get a lot of compliments for it. When I get out of bed from sleeping my hair is always looking like a mess (psst I also have bangs too. Ive been told I look both masculine and feminine. I have piercings (one in (?) my nose, two on the bottom of my lips, and a couple more on both of my ears). I want a tattoo so bad, If I ever get one it would be on the side of my belly and it would be a spider tattoo. I have a dimple on my chin and I have hazel almond eyes.

Aesthetic/Clothing Style: Ok so this is definitely what makes me unique to people other than my personality, my fashion extends to gyaru (hime gal, himekaji, agejo, gyaruo, rokku, manba, banba, kogal, tsuyome, and kigurumi), goth (trad goth, romantic goth, mall goth, cyber goth, and victorian goth), scenemo/emo (ofc), & Y2K, jirai kei, vkei, ouji and lolita, suits + dresses (+ MORE) I usually wear these fashion outfits whenever 'm in school, when i'm out somewhere, during my job, or just to look cool. Whenever I'm not in my crazy outfits I'm usually dressed in my "IDGAF" outfits by that I mean are like pj pants and a black shirt, usually I look like I'm alternative whenever I'm not dressed, I wear a lot of jeans, sweatshirts, etc.

Accessories: Usually when I'm in my outfits I bring a lot of accessories with me, I have tote bags that I use to carry things I wanna carry INCLUDING with purses, back packs, etc. I'm a big kpop and jpop fan so you'll see me carrying photo cards or any kind of merch of my favorite groups/ group members. I also have anime keychains/etc, and I also have like hazbin hotel/helluva boss merch too. you'll always see me wearing rings around my fingers a lot, and whenever I'm feeling "girly" I wear a lot of earrings. I also tend to bring perfume and cologne with me, but it's usually any good smelling sprays like mint hot chocolate or strawberry short cake.

Thank you so much! Have a good day!

a/n: Lowkey forgot to not do this with the ask attached but I started yapping in my drafts and forgot to not do it with the ask so mb 😔 But thank you for doing this with me! Here are your results, dear!

Angel Dust

There’s a lot to touch on here, but personality wise I think you and Angel’s personality’s clash a lot (in good way!) Like, you both are very similar yet very different to me, and that helps balance things, I guess? Like you both know how to get eachother back on track or get the other one to see the other side of things, but with an understanding of the other, since you’re both similar yet different, you know?

Another way you and Angel Dust bond is over fashion, despite your varying tastes in clothes, Angel loves every item of clothing you wear. One of your favorite things to do (especially if one of you is leaving for an extended period of time) is picking out each other outfits out of each others wardrobes

Since Angel also has a language he speaks (Italian) if you don’t already know Italian, he will teach it to you, in hopes that you teach him your language(s) as well. He likes being able to talk with you in another language because it feels like there’s no one else in the world but you two, and it feels more private if people are around, y’know?

Runner-Ups: Lucifer, Vox, Charlie

@the-soul-of-a-morningstar : please do not copy, repost or translate onto any other platform.

[mo0dy-succubus]

I'm still working on request so please bare with me, the fact that I have been getting alot of requests while working on other stories is wild I'm getting there pls I just need to focus before people send to much

Anyway to save my mental health from shattering from request and burning myself out I want to do something

Things abt me that literally Noone asked for:

1. I am short for my height like really really REALLY short(guess me height and you will get something from me idk I refuse to pay tho)

2. Eating gluten makes my stomach hurt I don't have celiac disease or wheat allergy, just gluten sensitive which is sad bc I love intalian food

3. I have 3 sisters and no brothers

4. One of them (besides me) likes kpop too

5. I won a math trophy, despite sucking ass at math,like VERY BADLY

6. I like cats

7. I have some very unpopular opinions on kpop that might get me canceled (anyone interested in hearing them???? 👀)

8. I like anime!

9. I cosplay and I have always been interested in the hobby (AAHHHH MY COSPLAY IS BAD AFFFF)(guess who I cosplay if you can ill drop hints if you want)

10. I'm a big flirt

11. Despite being one I catch feelings to fast

12. I also lose feelings too fast it's not you I swear it's me

13. Apparently I must have been so fruity that my mom and sister knew I was gay even before I came out (I came out as gay in 4th grade ik ik very young) look idk what gay ass things I did in my childhood for her to expect that 😭😭😭

14. I love stuffed animals.

15. I own 2 squishmallows but I want more.

16.❤🌌 I LOVE SPACE AND LEARNING ABT IT🌌❤

17. I watch educational videos for fun and entertainment

18. I also go to sleep with educational videos on(Ted ed, minuteearth,kurzgesagt etc)

19. I'm interested abt black holes

20. TMI, TMI,TMIIIII, when I was in middle school I was jealous of my sister who got her period before me (I'm the 2nd oldest)

21. I jinxed myself and got my first ever period when I was in 7th grade (funny story)

22. when I start my period the first day of it is utter HELL the cramps awesome shitty, but the 2nd day till I end I have nothing at all, I was blessed to not have period cramps😌😌😌

(Ok enough tmi...)

23. Did gymnastics

24. Since I did gymnastics I have very muscular arms and legs.

25. I'm losing it tho in my arms haha but my legs are thick compared to how I look and I feel like it looks weird

26. I'm a Capricorn I'm not into astrology bc idk much abt it lolllll

27. I had long hair before I cut it to my shoulders (my mom thinks I have long hair do to native Americans genes)

28. I love video games

29. I love legend of Zelda and animal crossing<3

30. I'm a little kid at heart if you can't tell

31. I like dancing!

32. Am I good at it? No absolutely not.

33. Dream pet is a hedgehog

34. Nobody knows how to say my middle name

35. For the longest time I never knew how to spell my middle name

36. I suck at holding pencils, my hand writing is crappy now bc my mom gave up on trying to teach me bc I apparently was THAT BAD

37. im single 🥲🥲🥲

28. SOME MEN, NOT ALL, scare me to death

39. I like to tell ppl my cousin is famous

40. (Last one for tonight!!!) I like graphic novels

This was fun I was wondering if I should do another soon 🤔🤔🤔

Well in the mean time I'm gonna try to finish these requests all at once wish me luck and pray I don't die 🤚😔

[jjaeong]

The Heiress, And The Twelve. Act I.

Episode IV: Courage, Is Not The Absence Of Fear.

Series: KPOP Girl Group: 이달의 소녀 (LOONA).

Pairing: OT12 & Mafia Heiress Female Reader.

Summary: The esteemed guests had finally paid the Y/L/N Family a visit, to which the members could have never expected the reason exactly as to why. But along with the confusion that their visitors had brought with them, was at the price of something shifting within Y/N at the situation she had been put up to.

[TRIGGER WARNING: VIOLENCE, INVOLVES MENTION OF BLOOD AND WEAPONRY. READ UNTIL 9’S PHONE CALL IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS.]

“Have you ever heard of the story about felines predicting catastrophes before humans could even detect them?”

Hyunjin stared blankly at the man that walked in front of her with his hands held behind his back, a serene expression set on his features as his eyes gazed over to the blooming flowers that had surrounded his garden. At each exit of the field, several men in black suits had stood to guard them while the young girl with the oversized yellow cardigan tailed behind the tall man whom had graying strands on his hair, to which oddly made him seem much more wise than he was ought to be. But Hyunjin found that idea false, for the man that had stood in with his back turned to her had always spoke with a heavy tone in his voice—as if he had thoroughly picked through each of his sentences with extra thought, it was the exact reason why she’d allowed herself to become a part of their Family, after all.

“I’ve heard of it once, from Yves-unnie.. I think. When she was sitting by the courtyard.” the man hummed in response, stopping in his tracks and turning to face the thin tree that had stood next to him—eyes examining the flowers that had bloomed from them before smiling softly and looking down at Hyunjin.

“When I was around your age, my parents had always kept a few animals in the house—to the point of it looking almost like an animal sanctuary rather than a home to a Mafia Family,” Hyunjin’s eyes stayed locked on the tree as the man resumed his stroll, keeping enough distance to be able to listen to his story before she had rushed to follow after him, “it may sound odd—because what did you expect a house filled with hitmen roaming freely, fully armed at all times to look like—but you’d definitely not expect to find a deer to be standing by one of the ponds, drinking from it’s pool while a family of swans passes by and a butterfly sitting on top of one of it’s antlers..” the young girl tilted her head at the mention of the animals, feeling the weight that the memory had carried from how the man’s tone changed from simple reminiscing to the sudden somberness that had switched after he teased his Family’s lifestyle.

“One of my greatest friends, whom was also the Heir to his Family’s name always had this sparkle in his eyes whenever he’d visit, stating that how our Family had lived was so different compared to his—our home felt more of like a refuge than the active warzone that he had called his own,” Hyunjin’s lips pulled into a small smile just as the man peeked behind him to also smile at the girl, shrugging his shoulders before raising a hand to run his fingers through the flowers as the passed—something that Hyunjin followed as well but only by walking close to them and lifting her finger in an shy manner, “he’d always tell me that one day, he could only hope that he could build such peace with his Family—though he did wish that our Families had never split apart.”

“The separation between the Mun Family and Jin Family.” Hyunjin whispered, peeking over to catch a glimpse at the man as if he would confirm if her answer was correct—to which he did, nodding but pulling his hand back to rest behind him again as they strolled peacefully through the spring air.

“Our Families together ruled thousands of territories, commanded over millions of men—so much strength to which was soon overcome with overpowering ambition, the Jin Family never knew when to stop and so they brought it upon themselves to be left by another family whom had stayed true to their colors to this day.”

“Kim,” Hyunjin answered, more confidently this time. Her brows knitted in concentration as she recalled the notes that she had scattered all over her and Heejin’s bedroom floor, the older girl’s whining ringing in the back of her head as Hyunjin kept repeating keywords to herself as the other girl tried to sleep, “out of the three major Families, they’re the wealthiest when it comes to land and associates.”

“We don’t usually take sides, but if it comes to a war of some sort—they’d learn to lean on us, as we would to them.” the two then stopped in the middle of an empty pond, the only view from the structure was the flowing waterfall and several koi’s that had swam freely through the clear water.

“Before Jin had declared war against our Family—with Mother as the boss at the time—our home was attacked the night before, I was just about to go to bed after studying the entire day when this.. Yellow cat, a Maine Coon,” Hyunjin looked over to the man, finding his arms crossed but Hyunjin’s eyes locked onto the glimmering blue ring that was set in his finger—running a thumb on the gem as he looked at the pond as he recalled that night, “she had always sat on my Mother’s lap, but she’d always seem to have watched over me as I slept. And so on the night of the attack, she had woke me up by biting onto my finger until I had eventually awakened—with our people leading me out of my quarters just before I heard the gun shots start ringing.” the man turned to look down at the younger girl whom met his gaze half-way, the battered aura that the girl with wide eyes had usually carried was almost overshadowed by the amazement and curiosity that the girl had currently beheld.

“The yellow cat passed away just as I became boss, almost a year before my parents had passed due to old age. But those animals had aided me in my survival for my short-lived childhood, they were more of my allies than they were my parents’ pets.” Hyunjin tore her gaze away from the man to eye his ring that rested on his arm yet again, nodding in understanding before facing the pond with the man soon following after her.

“I see her in you, Kim Hyunjin,” the man couldn’t help but let out a hearty laugh at how odd it sounded, the personification of the animal and to the child he had just been introduced to within the year—but he knew it to himself that he had to let the younger girl know, “I believe that you have the same gift as she did—though you haven’t entirely shown signs of it yet—you have the same spirit inside of you just waiting to be awakened. You’re a special girl, I hope you don’t ever forget that.”

Hyunjin felt her heart hammering against her chest as her eyes snapped back to what was currently happening in front of her, the voices she managed to tune out after they've entered through the doors, exchanged pleasantries pierced through her bubble of sudden recollection of the conversation between her and the past boss a few years ago. She scanned the men that had stood by the bottom of the steps, surrounded by over a thousand of your people as a man with a prince-like aura to him smiled cunningly at Haseul—almost trying his best to appeal to her for them to carry on with whatever they had wished to plead.

"My name is Joshua, and here standing beside me are my members—Jihoon, Mingyu, Jeonghan, Wonwoo—and our Heir, Lee Chan," Joshua gestured to the suit-clad men that stood behind him before placing a hand on Lee Chan's shoulder, the weight of his hand seemingly heavy as Joshua practically pulled him from where he stood to almost offer him to the Leader—something which Sooyoung visibly winced at and Haseul could only eye the group for, "he had ordered us to search the city, for a particular friend of ours that had been left.. Unhinged."

"Unhinged..? What do you mean?!" Sooyoung's commanding voice made Joshua falter in his position and had the Heir taking a step back, as if he was already cowering in fear when he felt a more gentler hands rest on his shoulders this time—the man with the long hair named Jeonghan smiled up at Sooyoung whom looked furious compared to the different sets of expressions that had been plastered on her members' features.

"We're not looking for any trouble, we're just here for our friend. We've come here to inform you of that."

"And you didn't consult us.. On the first day of your search?" Haseul slowly dragged, eyes moving from one member to another as she now had placed a hand on her hip, to which the tallest of the bunch—Mingyu—let out a nervous laugh that echoed through the tense atmosphere before making eye contact with Joshua who's eye could only twitch at him. He then shut his mouth and inched himself closer to a stone-faced Wonwoo, eyes dead set on Heejin who had refused to meet his gaze since they've entered the courtyard.

"And this friend of yours—you're certain that he's in this city?" Mingyu couldn't seem to keep himself neutral, nodding in an almost child-like manner as Haseul questioned them. Chan lifted his head to look grimly at Haseul's pondering gaze, he swallowed sharply just before pulling himself away from Jeonghan's hands, getting down to his knees and bowing down completely to the Leader, leaving everyone in shock at the pitiful scene.

"Dino—"

"Please help us, Y/L/N Boss! I'm begging you!" he cried, continuing to plead with his forehead against the gravel and his members stunned as they stood behind him. The smile plastered on Joshua's face slowly fell into a contemptuous expression as he stared down at his boss before he got down on his knees to completely face the man, placing his hands on his arms in attempt of getting him back up on his feet but the boss pushed him back with tears falling freely from his eyes.

"No! They'll kill him, Hyung! He's lost his mind but we can't just—he's still my brother!" Chan shouted at his member who slowly fumed at his boss' words, which made Mingyu quickly spring into action and grab ahold of Joshua as the man thrashed in his hold.

"That's what I'm trying to stop—you idiot! You think I want him dead!? He's as much of a brother to me as he was to you—"

"Shut up!" Sooyoung's voice cut through the heated argument before the boss and his member, leaving the two silenced in their positions as they glared harshly at one another. Sooyoung pinched the bridge of her nose before turning to Haseul who could only stare at the commotion in thought before she slowly ascended the steps and got onto Chan's level, the boss almost cowering in fear but the small smile that had graced Haseul's features had offered a slight ease to the man.

"This.. Brother of yours, do you have any idea where he could be right now?"

"Hyunjin!? What—hey! Unnie, help!" Sooyoung rushed to the other side of the entrance to where Heejin had practically held her best friend up on her feet, the men that had surrounded the meeting had pulled out their pistols and had them pointed at the members of the Lee Family. Haseul stood from her spot as Heejin and Sooyoung practically carried Hyunjin back into the Mansion with the Leader motioning for the goons to put their guns down—turning to look back down at the Lee Family with a completely blank expression on her face, asking them to follow her inside and talk to her about it in the lounge.

"Yah! Kim Hyunjin! You're crazy—get a grip!" Heejin's alarmed tone rang through Hyunjin's ears as the two members sat her down in the infirmary, one of the nurses that had been Kahei's pupil quickly excused herself at the sight of the three, knowing well enough that they were all capable of the same practices as she'd learnt from the Fifth girl—but if any of the three would be an exception in the art of medicine, it would be Ha Sooyoung.

"No, no—This isn't normal, Yves-unnie," Sooyoung placed her fingers over the girl's pulse on her throat as her other hand worked on checking her temperature then gently tugging down on the bottom lid of her eye, "Yves-unnie you have to listen to me, something's wrong—" Heejin had placed a bucket right next to Hyunjin just the girl looked just about ready to pass out. Sooyoung then told Heejin to grab the girl some water as she firmly held Hyunjin in place, not wanting to make the girl any dizzier in her already rattled state.

"Hyunjin, you need to breathe."

"I am! But please, call Jinsoul-unnie. Call her right now, this is—they're in danger! Unnie—just listen to me!" Sooyoung's eyes scanned the pleading girl's teary eyes, failing to find a hint of any uncertainty and so once Heejin had returned to the room, Sooyoung quickly instructed the girl to watch over her best friend before leaving the room and taking her phone out to dial Jinsol's number.

"Sol."

"Are you in the school right now?" Jinsol furrowed her brows at the question, pulling her phone away from her ear to stare at the caller ID that had clearly shown the number '9' before she pressed it back against her ear, looking down at the sandwich in hand and then the fast food place that had almost felt as if it was inviting her to buy more. Jinsol couldn't help but shake her head at the thought before sighing to herself, pulling the door open to let herself inside the car and shut the door behind her.

"No? It's my break time."

"Jinsoul—do you even know what the time is!?" the dark haired girl winced at Sooyoung's bitter tone as she started the engine and pairing her phone to the speakers, carelessly tossing it onto the empty passenger seat next to her before leaning back and unwrapping her meal.

"Isn’t it Y/N's third period? She's literally right across the hall from Gowon. She has it covered."

"That was over an hour ago! She's in the middle of fourth period right now!" Jinsol stared down at her meal for a moment before glancing at the clock on the dashboard that clearly said 11:12 instead of what she'd seen as 9:26 a few moments ago. The girl was slightly alarmed for a moment, only to remember that it basically meant you were in the middle of class—surrounded by civilians. 

They wouldn’t pick a fight with you there.. Right?

Jinsol quickly wrapped her sandwich before chucking it next to her phone and preparing to exit the driveway when Sooyoung told her that she was also on her way before she dropped the call.

Back in the school, Son Hyejoo was currently thinking about how she completely despised her Math teacher. Not only did the old lady had told her to stand in the back of the class when she asked Yerim if they had the same answers, but she also hated the woman for not letting her slide—not even once—about leaving her book behind when it was time for her class. Hyejoo could only walk down the halls of Blockberry High and make her way over to the lot, in hopes that her book was there—even if she didn't even do the damned assignment—just so she could continue sitting next to Yerim and watch the girl effortlessly solve the given problems, because watching the girl’s eyes light up was more entertaining than standing outside the hall until the class was dismissed.

The book had apparently manage to slide itself under her seat, most likely slipping out of her backpack that had always sat next to Yerim in the backseat—and though Hyejoo wouldn't call herself associated to any religion of some sort, she silently thanked whoever was watching her from up above as she shut the door of her car and started to make her way back to class.

And that's where she heard your voice.

“What do you want!?” you hissed harshly which made Hyejoo quickly duck against one of the cars closest to her, eyes setting on your fuming expression standing by the bench next to the vending machine as a tall figure wearing all black seemed to have took a slight step back, making him release your wrist that he had seemed to be holding as you clutched your arm to your chest, glaring at him. The man tilted his head to himself before looking back at you with an equally confused expression.

“What do.. I want?” he repeated slowly, furrowing his brows to himself as you stood there—not exactly knowing whether you should run or even attempt at a swing at the taller man—but you stood your ground, wanting to make sure he was gone before any of your members had caught up to what was happening and have the man even dare bring harm to any of them.

“I want power, of course. Enough for me and my members—and to command over fifty-thousand people..?”

“You’re stupid if you think killing a boss would mean you get to take over their Family.” you hissed as he looked at you like a kicked puppy, making him glance down—at what seemed to be a ring in his little finger that even Hyejoo can see from her hiding spot—before his expression snapped yet again to glare at you.

“You don’t know that! God, you all sound the same. You, Chan—I was the one that convinced them to let us go independent! Look where we are now!” his aggravated voice boomed through the lot, making you tense on your spot and take a cautious step back. Your eyes scanning the area for your members, finding Jungeun and Hyejoo’s cars that sat parked a few feet ahead of you which brought you an odd sense of comfort.

But it soon dissipated once it dawned into you that the owners were nowhere to be found.

One of them actually were, however.

“Alright then, I’ll take the lead.” your heart dropped the second your eyes followed the man's hand that had pulled a simple black pistol from behind him, his lips downturned as he popped the magazine to check if he had any bullets—giving you enough time to start running for your life—but instead, you stood there glued to your spot as he rolled his shoulders, smiling brightly at you and letting the nozzle rest in the middle of your temple.

“Now, be a good girl and take me to your members—” a blur of dark hair suddenly appeared from behind the unnamed man, the gun that was held against your forehead was quickly released into the air as the towering man flipped in his spot—falling head first onto the concrete behind him and was completely knocked unconscious before the gun slid a few feet away from him, with your eyes moving to settle on a familiar figure in front of you, eyes locked on the unconscious man with her hand gently holding onto your forearm as you stood there in shock.

"Hyejoo..? When did you..?" you barely even locked eyes with the younger girl when she was suddenly tackled onto the ground, the impact staggering you back in the process until you fell on your behind, watching the battle happening in front of you as you sat frozen in your spot. The supposed-to-be unconscious man had seemed to be aiming to grab ahold of Hyejoo by the neck, using his weight to keep the girl on the ground while his hands were being resisted by your member as she writhed under him. Your eyes quickly scanned for anything to help your member with—anything to knock the large figure that could’ve already ended the shorter girl under him if she weren’t trained—but as you did, your eyes kept flitting over to the pistol that had slipped from the man’s hold from earlier, your ears practically blocked out as the only thing you could clearly hear was the thudding of your heart in your chest.

"No! Y/N—look for Gowon-unnie! Gowon!" Hyejoo cried from her spot—as if the older girl was supposed to just appear out of nowhere once she called—when the man's fist had aggressively pulled back to swing itself onto the girl, aiming to hit her on the face but she managed to move her head the second it was supposed to land. His blood trickled down from his knuckles for them to meet Hyejoo’s cheek as she let out a piercing screech before starting to swing right back at him—landing a few solid strikes straight onto his dumbfounded state. You felt your heart falter at the possibility that the impact of his fist could've landed on the younger girl, making something inside of you snap and clambered to grab the pistol from the ground and stagger closer them, your hands shaking as you point pointed the weapon directly at the assailant with both hands supporting the weapon.

"Let go of her, or I swear—I will shoot." he stopped to look up at you from his position, the punches that Hyejoo had seemed to land on his face was evident at his busted brow and bloodied teeth as smiled ridiculously at you. Hyejoo had attempted another swing just as you had distracted him but he caught her fist without even looking down at her, continuing to maintain eye-contact with you in his bloodied state as he slowly started to laugh at the sight of you standing before him—hands shaking as you aimed his own weapon against him.

"You couldn't even move when I pointed a gun at you earlier—and you're telling me you'll shoot me? Go ahead, child, shoot me!” you swallowed thickly, clenching your jaw to will yourself into keeping the gun aimed at him but you couldn’t seem to ignore the sound of Hyejoo’s aggrieved grunts as she tried to get her hands out of his grip and the sight of her continued attempts at wriggling out of his weight.

“Hyejoo, I’ll get you out of there—”

“Shoot me or I swear—she’ll be unrecognizable by the time I’m done!” the last thing that had crossed your mind before you pulled the trigger was the members in your living room, the image of Sooyoung the first time she had told you that you could trust the members with your life—even though you’ve just met them. You could barely even feel the coldness of the weapon in your hands when several flashes of the members’ reassuring smiles directed to your clueless state when a bloodcurdling scream pierced through your senses, your eyes snapping over to the man you had managed to shoot just between his shoulder and his arm who had scrambled off of your member—panic setting in his features as he continuously muttered “no, no—I can’t die like this!” as he pressed a hand in his wound, shaken up by the sight of his own blood pooling across the sidewalk as he slowly seemed to be losing his consciousness in his spot.

"..Hey." your eyes snapped to the sight of a your bloodied member, the young girl eyeing you careful as you felt slight tug on the weapon you seemed to have kept in a tight grip. You let Hyejoo slip the weapon off your hands before watching the girl walk over to the frightened man—who raised a hand to beg for mercy—when the younger girl held the gun by the barrel to deliver a final blow through his insensible state, supposedly leaving him unconscious but it didn’t seem to be enough as he caught himself before he could fall on his front. Hyejoo then delivered a swift kick to his head that was surely enough knock him out for good just as a familiar blue car had just pulled over by the entrance of the school, the familiar figure of another one of your dark haired members quickly rushing over to the both of you with wide eyes as the pool of blood slowly spreading across the pavement.

"You're both.. Okay." Jinsol breathed in relief, a concerned expression on her face as Hyejoo wiped the drying blood stains on her cheek before turning to you and placing a hand on your forearm—cutting you out of your dazed state to look back at Jinsol’s uneasy gaze. You barely could move your head to nod in response but it seemed that the older girl got the idea, to which she just turned to face the unconscious man and reached over to grab his bloodstained hand— staring down at the ring in his finger with a indecipherable expression on her features before to whispering something under her breath just as several rushed footsteps made their way towards your group. You felt a hand pull you back and a figure quickly blocked you from the body in front of you, the blonde hair was enough for you to recognize that it was Jungeun as Jiwoo had seemed to have followed closely behind, turning to look at Hyejoo who wasn’t even looking at the the members—eyes directly trained on your still figure.

"Who did this!? Was it him!? Give me the gun Son Hyejoo!"

"No, Unnie—we're fine." the older girl moved to reach for Hyejoo’s face before deciding against it and pulling you in a tight embrace instead, the older girl cradling you at your motionless state. Chaewon, Yerim, and Yeojin had soon followed behind—the eldest of the three quickly grabbing ahold of Hyejoo by the shoulders to scan her for any injuries as the younger girl stood there with a pensive look on her face as she continued to stare at you.

"I don't understand—Hyejoo wasn't supposed to be here, if Hyejoo wasn't here.." Chaewon started, a gentle hand remained on Hyejoo's forearm before she turned to look at you with panic slowly settling in her features when Yerim gasped at the image that was set in front of you, her eyes moving to the gun that Hyejoo continued to hold by the barrel and piecing it together. She felt a slight tug on her shirt before turning to a guilt-ridden expression that had been on the youngest member’s state as she looked over to the vacant look that had set on your face as Jiwoo continued to hold you in her arms and tell you that you were alright.

"All of you, get yourselves back in Eden. Yves and I will get him medical attention when she gets here." Jinsol ordered from her spot, eyes moving to scan you and your members just as a familiar burgundy red sports car parked right next to Jinsol's at the front of the building. Sooyoung didn’t even shut her door before she had rushed over to where you stood in Jiwoo’s arms, the red-haired girl quickly taking you into her own as Jiwoo spotted her figure nearing the two of you. The older girl didn’t hesitate in reaching over and pulling Hyejoo in her other arm as well, just when her eyes started to tear up to which the younger girl couldn't help but groan at—slipping out of the older girl’s hold as you continued to be locked in Sooyoung's grip just as she had started to bawl her eyes out.

"Yves, he's bleeding out—we need to go."

"We'll be at Eden, Unnie. We'll be safe there! Please stop crying.." Jiwoo said from behind you, trying to console the older girl as she continued to stain your shoulder with her tears. Your arms gently reached over to pat the girl's back, your eyes finally willing themselves to take in your surroundings again as you watched Hyejoo and Chaewon walk over to Jinsol briefly—speaking to the woman whom had now held a hand against her forehead—before they nodding and making their way over to Hyejoo's car with Yerim and Yeojin. The two who you had just realized had been there the entire time held a disturbed expression in both of their faces, Yeojin looked just about as ready to leave with Hyejoo and the others.

They've most likely never experienced combat in a real setting before, just like you.

"Yeah, yeah—just give me a second," Sooyoung breathed deeply before pulling herself together, sniffling as her hands rested firmly on your shoulders—with you eyeing the distraught girl that looked as if she was going through an inner turmoil about the situation—making you reach over to fix her hair and give her what you could have only hoped was a small smile through your emotionless state, with a reassuring hand placed on her arm in front of you, "we'll settle this, so don't worry about it. Alright, Y/N?" you nodded in reply, not finding it in you to speak at all.

Sooyoung pulled away from you to face Jinsol, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand and wiping the tears in attempt to stop the continuous flow down her cheeks, completely turned away from you just as you felt a hand interlace with you—finding the usual bright smile wiped clean from Jiwoo's face, only to be replaced with a careful look as if sensing your delicate state. Your two older members lead you to Jungeun's car, with Jiwoo slipping herself with you in the backseat to just take you in her arms as Jungeun pulled out of the lot—with your eyes stuck on the image of Sooyoung and Jinsol quickly lifting the man by his arms to bring him to Jinsol's car just before they disappeared from your view.

You could barely feel a thing since the man had caught you by surprise, the image of his menacing smile stuck on a loop in your head as he pressed the nozzle against your forehead—the sound of the air being knocked out of Hyejoo's lungs when he tackled her down, the shot ringing through the lot just before Hyejoo pulled the gun away from you. Something has shifted just from the bloodied encounter, something you had somehow knew that you were going to stumble upon since you’ve joined the group—but you didn’t expect it to be so soon, for the situation to put you in such a spot that you could barely process fast enough what was happening in front of you. You didn’t know what came onto you, what made you even dare point a gun at a man just when he threatened a person you barely even knew.

But you’ve seen it, the way the members would lay their own lives in your stead—even Hyejoo whom you’ve never really exchanged a word with—something inside of you just clicked, a subconscious promise to offer your own life in also protecting theirs just as they would do to you. 

For now, you’re free to feel the heavy burden of your shattered morals.

For now, you’re allowed to grieve the loss of justified actions and put the safety of your members above all else.

For now, you mourn the death of Ha Y/N and fully embrace who you truly were.

Y/N Y/L/N, The Heiress.

Hi,

Any Carats following along with this series? I was a Carat way back in 2018 and I was juggling between Seventeen and Blackpink at the time. Actually searching up the members’ names was trippy because it’s just something you’d think that would stick with you for years. I think I liked them just when Oh My just came out—I’m sure that they’re my first big member group.

Wonwoo was my bias but before I left my boy-group agenda, I’ve been into DK. I’m proud of where they are now, and I’m honestly contemplating going back but I’m just so into LOONA that I don’t know how I’ll cope if I even miss a single release from them—even news from some TV program Chuu gets invited to lmao (we love a booked and busy queen though).

Anyways, where are the other members of the Lee Family? And how exactly will this play out with this crazed lunatic that tackled Hyejoo once he gets sent back to the Mansion? I have a few ideas already in mind~ And if I finish Act I before this month finishes.. Then what?

It’s getting crazier and crazier~

Oh, and Hyunhye FOTM today—I was writing this so I completely missed it but I read from orrery-nim for translations anyways, but I feel more pumped to write after that, oh boy..

This update was meant for tomorrow, but since Hyunjin breathed today I'll keep writing lmao the grip~

Laters,

JJ.

>ovc: V COOKIE (200213)

https://www.vlive.tv/post/1-18290715

[iamacolor]

fashion queen! which nct era has the best fashun in ur opinion?? and if u were a designer which neos would u pick as ur models?

I was so excited to answer this that I wrote several pages and it basically turned into a style analysis for each unit so I sure hope you have some time on your hands to read everything I’ve just written! (I did not reread so sorry for any typing mistake)

NCT is known to be experimental in their music and that’s also the case in their styling so there’s a lot for me to get into even though sometimes it’s a miss. One thing I will say though is that when it comes to the styling in mv/teasers, what’s around the clothes is super important because if you have a very specific styling concept, your set design or graphic design needs to complement that and give the audience more clues on how to read all these elements together (the cherry bomb era is a great example of that with all the added graphic elements and the predominance of the colour pink) and recently I’ve found that the creative team has not really gone further than just putting nct in an outfit in front of a basic background so it makes for a pretty underwhelming result

But let’s move on to my favourite styling eras. I’m going to do this per unit (I’ll finish with NCT U) and define an era by its teaser pictures and the mv (and not go through all the performance looks during the promotion period)

I’m putting this under a read more because it’s reaaally long (I put pictures so that it’s not just one big chunk of text)

NCT 127

Easily the most experimental unit when it comes to fashion, especially in their first years where they would wear mix of sportswear, grunge references, avant-garde fashion and a lot of layers. When it comes to their debut “Firetruck”, I think it fitted the song really well but that it didn’t fit all the members equally (especially the younger ones, for me Taeyong and Taeil pulled it off the best – it’s expected of Taeyong but I also think that Taeil always stand out when they go for edgy/unconventional look, I think it really suits him).

Anyway, just to say that they were off to a very strong start and then I’m just going to kindly ignore the Limitless styling and move on to Cherry Bomb!

One thing nicely done for CB is how when you look at a group picture they’re clearly all following the same concept but they’re not necessarily matching or giving off the same vibes if you take them individually. I love the use of the colour pink which brings a) a great visual impact (you don’t ever see that much pink at once – especially on men) and b) an harmony despite the shapes and styles of their outfits being so vastly different, you’ve got ties, tousled, shirts, little frilled collars, stripes and all-over prints, sportswear and formal wear… (ex: taeyong’s short jacket is reminiscent of something a little luxurious, even maybe historical/noble with the little added embroidery-like details, it reminds me of these boleros jackets worn by toreros that are often red/gold VS doyoung’s overalls is an outfit that has a much more recent origin as it was first worn by factories workers, it’s usually blue or grey and is meant to be practical rather than pleasing to the eye -> here it fits very well with the general setting of the mv in what looks like an empty industrial storage space)

This second look is more of a game on how to deconstruct formal wear (there are less prints and no bold colours, their hair is less messy…) but they don’t just add sportswear like the bomber jacket, you can find rock or more “modern” elements with the leather jackets or the jean jackets. All in black and white so great contrast with the previous looks, although that mix and match concept is still there. My favourite elements are the checkered ones (worn by taeyong, taeil and haechan) as it reminds me of the strategy element of the chess game which fits pretty well with all the weapons and other arms visible in the mv (a bit like a nod to the game battleship)

This one I love that they developed their own print, especially since it’s another graphic element used elsewhere (see their album cover), because it’s a great way to really introduce their identity as a group, through the different visual elements they put out in a comeback, it’s like a logo but as a print. And all the teasers and the mv did a great job at mixing 2D/3D contents so that’s another nice way to be cohesive. It’s not my fave look out of the 3 (especially because I do not approve of that belt-suspenders-bag they gave Johnny, it’s like everything you don’t want to put a dancer in and it’s ugly as well) but I still like the fact that’s it’s another nod to the battle/strategy aspect of this comeback, like they’re on a mission to hit the stage and conquer it

Then fast forward to my other favourite one, Simon Says! (No teaser pictures here because they don’t show anything or they show not enough lol)

First of all THE MASKS

Oh how I wish they could’ve been shown more (imagine teasers with the members wearing them!!! I would’ve loved individual teasers based on each of the masks concepts) Once again, a great to have group concept without making everyone wear the same thing. They’re all super different and full of details. Haechan’s is the only one from what I could who’s mask is actually a mask and not a fully covering hood. The materials and techniques used on these are either evocative of “fragile” things like glass and flowers but theses elements have their own hidden strength. Some others are covered in lace, pearls, fringes or fur…all these things are usually considered to be precious or even luxurious but it covers their faces and their identity and they throw it away in rebellion (and I think it’s also super interesting how Taeyong who takes off his mask first has the least ornamented one)

Then the outfits themselves. Simon Says in an interesting MV because unlike most others they wear one outfit for most of the MV (the second one appears quite late in the mv and is lit and staged in a way that makes it less visible). It’s a mostly grey/white set of outfits which is usually a colour combo for office wear or maybe factory workers, it’s not something that can seem very exciting or edgy. The styling in these outfits reminds me of the works of Japanese designers who came to Paris in the 80’s and kind of shook the whole high fashion system by bringing a different type of shapes, aesthetic and purpose to fashion (Rei Kawakubo, Yohji Yamamoto…). These designers  went on to become super successful and inspired another wave of “avant-garde” designers nicknamed “the 6 of Anvers” (Anvers is a city in Belgium), this group includes Martin Margiella, Dries Van Noten…And to me the outfits in Simon Says really fit into this aesthetic. Unconventional fits, various layers, it’s not so much mix and match than a work on contrast between structure and fluidity (Yuta’s half skirt with un-trimed edges, Haechan’s long shirt with the long bow and the fitted jacket, Mark’s top with the various see-through layers of different lengths…).

An other interesting details (which to me calls back to the mask and that tension in the song/concept of letting go/being free of expectations), is the way they all have thick strings tied on their feet/ankles. Not holding them back because their feet aren’t tied together but there’s still this clear restriction of the garment itself, a reminder that there are tied to something and not completely free (also an interesting choice when dressing dancers who would need to have no added weight or discomfort in their outfit to dance but visually something is holding their ankles)

Honorable mentions:

Kick It– they managed to create very memorable outfits while taking inspirations from already well known elements (both for the fighting/training outfits and the bomber jackets). The black and white outfits especially are very original as performance outfits/dancing clothes since the og garment they’re inspired by has already such a strong identity outside of the performing arts and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it be used as a stage outfit? Or concept? It’s a nice exemple of how you can take inspiration for something designed to be useful and to be efficient (in fighting) and turn it into an aesthetic.

Truthfully, martial art training outfit was already an “aesthetic” on its own but they made it a performance costume and now I do feel like it’s one of these looks that everyone will remember (like if there was a “most memorable kpop outfits” list it could easily have kick it’s black/white fits). The rest of the outfits for that concept weren’t as memorable/original to me although I feel like it showed a new approach to the styling of nct 127 as a group since they all had very similar outfits this time (especially when wearing the jackets).

Also, interestingly,  that shot of Jaehyun that had everyone go “wow” ? Well it’s impactful because it’s him and he looks like that and it’s shot in a very specific way, but it’s also even more impactful because he’s the only one who gets to wear that kind of outfit in the mv. Everyone else has 3 sets of outfits (black and white, shiny black, red jacket and black pants) but he has 4 and that suit is only used in that shot which makes for a greater impact!

And I feel like Kick It in terms of styling opened a new era for NCT 127 has it kind of broke their usual mix and match/edgy concept. This time they were clearly referencing something already well known (either martial arts, the 90s…), and the members were all matching and they kept on doing that with the military jackets in punch, the other 90s concept in nct 2020…

Touch – for the way the outfits match the sets (in all their individual sets their outfits have a detail in a matching colour), the focus on colours !!! You can see that this whole concept was designed with this colour game/colour progression between the outfits and the set in mind. It’s just very pleasing to the eyes and a great contrast to their usual stuffs (also I wrote my graduation paper on colours so I am really into creative use of colours like this)

OK now moving on to Dream!!

The interesting thing about Dream compared to NCT 127 is that from the beginning although their outfits had to match the song an the concept of the comeback it also had to match their age. Dream’s a group that had to look young when debuting (to the point where they wore outfits that made them look even younger than they were which is rarely done for boy groups) and then they had to transition into adulthood, and all of that had to be made visible. In that aspect, I really like the styling for We Young and Boom (especially when you look at them at the same time).

For We Young, the styling is meant to be reminiscent of school/boy scout uniforms but with a marine vibe. It makes for playful outfits that aren’t too childish but that also aren’t grown up. I prefer the “seaside” outfits as I don’t really like school uniforms as a concept for styling and I think it’s really a choice that suited them and the song so well, it really fitted their energy. It’s playful but it also has a vintage touch to it as these outfits with their stripes and their squared flap at the back date back to the XIXth century (I just found out that it all started with the queen Victoria dressing up her kid in an outfit inspired by the royal navy uniforms for a painting after a cruise ).

Boom on the other side is their first proper “grown-up” concept. We go up was already more grown up but still very “teenager-ish” and although they were mostly teenagers when they did Boom it was clear that this was supposed to be their first entry into “adulthood” as a group at least. And although they did wear a sportswear/casual outfits which is something that isn’t related to age (and I really like the black and white “skeleton” set which already feels more grown-up and more “stylish” than the other casual outfit) , they wore two other “grown-up” elements: suits and all-jean outfits.

And yeah teenagers, and kids wear jeans too but a full jean-on-jean outfit is more of a “grown-up” fashion choice and it makes them look like young men rather than boys. As for the suits, I just really love when stylists play with the codes of that garment (length of the jacket, tightness of the pants, the way the shirt is tucked in…).

Notice how Renjun has a really short jacket, Chenle’s pants are wide, Jeno has a tail…Once again, a really interesting aspect of Kpop is the variations of the same concept based on the members. In the mv, there is a tension between their more grown up selves (the one in suits, the one with a craft/a path) and their young selves (the one running around in the field, the one laying down in the flowers and eating a cake). And there is also in these outfits and the contrast between them this tension, this contrast…which path should they go? The jeans are the more laide back, innocent outfits, whereas the suits come with responsibilities and status (and you’ll notice that in the scene where jisung is left alone to blow his candle it’s when he’s wearing jeans not when he’s in the suits).

Now on to WayV!!

WayV are different from the two in the sense than when they debuted they couldn’t have an “age” concept or an edgy concept because 127 and dream had already taken those and I feel like for that reason they’re still looking for what makes them stand out visually from the others (and in my opinion it’s not in whatever they were wearing for turn back time!). WayV’s concept is space and time travel, it’s building a new life, a new worl, going beyond anything! In my mind, they’re either supposed to feel a bit “otherworldly” (either spectacular or literally like they’re from another world/another universe, a little bit futuristic maybe?) or to look like explorers/travellers (they have a lot of travel/transportation “gears” references in their outfits). Their MVs also have a very different production than the other nct mvs (the scale and the way it’s filmed, the sets…it’s a different approach and it’s usually much more “grand” for their title tracks). The great thing about WayvV styling is usually that they match the outfits well with the world that the mv is set in (like in Moonwalk for example you get a sense of the world they’re in and the fact that it’s not ours or at least not as we know it now through the way they dress – you can’t really say oh it’s inspired by this era or by this or that because -at least- to me it immediately gives me a vibe of something that could be worn in a sci-fi movie, almost like a costume) or that they allude to travel in their styling.

When they debuted with Regular they went for a very sleek and high fashion look which worked really well for them! Even their more “casual” looks were a bit striking and I think that’s very “wayv-like” to me.

Same goes for Take Off where they mix the individual styles (and I don’t like ten’s leopard fur sleeveless jacket at all) and the group concepts – the “flying” outfits and the “racing” outfits (that last one is my favourite! I love the silhouette it creates with the tight pants and the larger tops with an emphasis on the waist).

There’s something a bit extra to WayV - which is why some of their outfits remind me of costumes more than fashion while at the same time they’re the most “high fashion” unit– like the “flying” outfit in Take Off are recognizable as “flying gear” but you can’t really tell what they’re flying, it feels once again like something that they could wear in like star wars or a similar kind of story.

Imagine a movie about 7 men on another planet trying to come together to overcome the dark forces or whatever’s bad on their planet in a futuristic society with a mix of “traditional” and “trendy” outfits? That’s WayV. The movie the 5th Sense? That’s WayV but on steroids. They’re also the only group with actual characters in their mvs, they’re all supposed to have a backstory or an individual setting and find a way to get together in their mvs.

Anyway all that to say that it’s hard for me to pick an era for them because they’ve only had a few and they still feel like they’re looking to solidify their concept, and since moonwalk and turn back time really set the styling in different worlds than ours, you have to look at how they fit in that world rather than ours and I think Moonwalk does it best since it’s the most cohesive one visually. But then I think Regular had the best individual styling!

Okay this is super long but we’re finally getting to NCT U!!!!

Number one favourite:

The Year Party outfits!!!! I’ve already talked about this but I love when they say we’ll put them in suits and then since they have to make a different one for each of them they cut bits an dpieces of the suits here and there, play with lengths. It’s not a revolutionary concept but in terms of searching for a shape, searching for variations of an already so famous, so well-known garment (everyone has seen a suit, and so many designers have already deconstructed it and then put it back together and so on) it’s so nice, it’s almost like a full collection given how many members there are and it’s just a good tailoring work.It almost feel like an exercise of how many variations of an outfit can you think of? And it looks fun to do! It’s all about the details and the way the layers are set together.

The accessories add to the “formal attire” aspect of it. It almost has a ceremonial look to it. A bit of royalty with the futuristic vibe usually associated with WayV. The dark blue suits were pretty classic, the most interesting details (for me at least) were on the light blue ones. Especially since it’s a rare colour to find in formal wear or in ceremonial wear. In general, I feel like it’s a pretty rare colour in fashion outside of like shirts and baby clothes? I think it was a great styling choice for a content like the year party although I do wish they (either NCT or WayV who’ve touched upon this kind of outfit a bit already) would do a full comeback with this kind of styling (like the lighter version of the black and green outfits in SuperM’s One). It’s not revolutionary but it was something new for NCT and I really hope they use that elegant/futuristic concept once again.

Also in these outfits, the jewelry is super important and adds to the “grand” aspect of these outfits. The concept is that these aren’t ordinary outfits for ordinary men, we’re witnessing something “special” and so they aren’t wearing their usual jewels either (of course the big chains are still there but differently look at that necklace jaehyun is wearing)

Honorable mention:

Boss & Baby Don’t Stop (they’re different but they go together in my mind lol). Look at them in their uniforms! And also they had doyoung wearing these sunglasses

Ok I think I’m done, if you’ve made it this far thank you so much and I hope it was a nice read!!

As for who would I chose as my models…it really depends on what I’d make them wear tbh for menswear the things I’d like to design would either be something like formal wear or knitwear – I’d pick Lucas, Taeyong and Doyoung (I think they’re the most model-like members and could pull off pretty much anything even my non-edgy concept because I can’t do that lol and they pose very well) and then depending on the concept I’d pick between Winwin, Jaehyun, Kun, Jungwoo, Taeil, Haechan and Shotaro (the way I struggled to remember all the members at once…there are too many really)

[choisanbooty-uwu]

Party - San x Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut/Vanilla/Passionate

A/N: I decided for my first smut on tumblr I’d make it simple. It might be boring but eh again it’s a starter lmao. Dm me with requests :)

It was a casual Sunday afternoon- the day you decided on going to a party with your friend Ji-ae. She wanted to get it on with the colleges most known band Ateez’s, Song Mingi.

“C’monnnnn please y/n! I beg of youuuuuu!” Ji-ae exclaims. She had been bugging you for this for a week now. A week ago was when Mingi personally invited her to go. After all, it was Ateez’s party. Mingi had told her that she could bring me, also apparently requested by another member. Who? I have no clue. I mean what’s the worse that could happen?

“Fineeee,” you finally said. Ji-ae hugged you in extreme excitement.

“Oh y/n, thank you thank you ThAnK yOu t h a n k y o u THANK YOU!” I shrug her off me laughing. 

“Well, It’s gonna start in like, 4 hours and you always take forever to get ready for occasions so shoo, go get ready.”

“Otayyyy,” she says yeeting herself off me. She showers first then me. Walking out of the bathroom in a fluffy rainbow leopard print bath robe, I walk into my room. I open my closet to look through the assorted dresses there are. I pick a cute little black dress, that has a zipper on the back, and strip of mesh flower patterns right on the curve area. It’s a short sleeved, tank topped actually, for the top design. It hugs my small but curvy figure in a comfortable way. I slip on some fishnets and heeled boots. Now for the makeup and hair. for makeup I do a Brown smokey eye, and black matte lipstick. My contour is on point, and my highlight is subtle yet very out there. I put my hair in cute space buns with the slightest curls dangling from in front of my ears. I run a glitter substance down my hair line and call it a look.

I walk out of my room in time for Ji-ae to walk out of hers. Our dorm is your not so everyday looking dorm. It’s very rich looking, elegant really. Ji-ae is wearing a galaxy print long dress with spaghetti straps and enough cleavage showing to drive a man to want to see more. Her hair is down and curled at the ends, gorgeous really, and her makeup is subtle, just eyeliner and lashes. A rose gold highlight is swiped over her cheeks, and a pretty lilac tint on her lips.

“Oh Ji-ae, Mingi is gonna go absolutely crazy over you tonight,” I exclaim.

“And so isn’t-” Ji-ae starts to say bu then shuts her mouth. “I mean- so isn’t everyone else,” She nervously chuckles out.

“Omigod, Ji-ae you know who requested me there!” I laugh out in realization.

“Yeahhhh, but I can’t tell yuh,” she says winking. You tap her arm in a ‘how could you’ way, and you both exit your dorm laughing. You both get into your navy blue- almost black Fiat 500, and go to the so said address.

________________________________________________________________

You and Ji-ae walk into the large house, and walk through the way too exposed bodies of females and smug looked men.

“Mingi said the 8 of them are in the living room on a dark green large ass couch,” Ji-ae says. “He also said you are to sit next to San and Yeosang, and I across from you next to Mingi and Hongjoong.” I nod and look for the so said couch. It’s hard to see through the crowd, let alone hear my own fucking thoughts through the booming kpop music which is their own content. Currently, Answer is playing. Finally after intense looking, I spot the green couch, and the 8 of them there with the spots for them open.

“There,” I say to Ji-ae, tapping her shoulder and pointing at the boys. We walk over to them and just looking at who I’m supposed to sit next to makes my heart drop in a matter of seconds. I mean, all of the men are drop dead gorgeous, but the one known as San is just- woooo, hot. “Bruhhh San is hot-” I say to Ji-ae as we slowly make our way over.

She giggles then looks at me with a smug look. “Good, cause he’s the one who wanted you to come.” With that comment my face instantly goes beat ass red. She only laughs at my reaction, then looks at the men. “Hello boysss, great party,” she yells plopping her ass next to Mingi, and sitting in a way that her teasing cleavage is in his direction. I slowly make my way to sit next to San, sitting a little too formally for a event like this. I’m sitting straight up and have my hands in my lap. I can see San glance at me from the corner of my eye, and I feel the blood rush to my cheeks even more.

“No need to be so formal, y/n,” Hongjoong giggles out. “Please, make yourself at home here.” Hongjoong is the leader of the group, so of course he’s the one to help comfort me.

“Oh she’s always like this at first,” Ji-ae laughs out. “She just needs to get used to her surroundings.”

“Can I get you a drink? Help sooth you down?” Wooyoung offers.

“U-uhm, sure. Something subtle tho, I’m driving us home tonight,” I say. I mutter a thanks as he passes by. 

“So, Ji-ae,” San starts then looks at me, and says “Y/n.. what are your guy’s majors?”

“Oooo I have a accounting major,” Ji-ae chirps. Mingi looks at her and smiles. You can tell the man has a thing for her with the way he looks over at her and wraps his arm around her side. 

“Uhm I have a English major,” I say rubbing the back of my neck.” Wooyoung comes back and hands me my drink. I take a sip and am surprised by the taste. It’s sweet, yet fruity, and definitely subtle. He hands San a water, Hongjoong a beer, and Seonghwa a vodka with lime.

“It’s called a Love Potion Vodka Cocktail,” Wooyoung says. I sit back and take another sip.

“Y/n, just sit back and drink, Mingi and Hongjoong already said we can stay the night, drink as much as you want,” Ji-ae says. I nod and take another sip. Conversation continues, and after another 3 of those drinks, I have a warm feeling, and am clearly buzzed. Illusion starts playing, and Ji-ae jumps up in excitement. “Y/N LET’S DANCE!” I take the last sip of my drink and stand up. Her and I jump around and sing/shout along to the lyrics. Hongjoong, Mingi, Yunho, and Jongho get up too joining in. Nearing the end of the song you look towards San, to see him looking at you admirably. You’re too buzzed to even be shy anymore, so you walk towards him and extend your hand out to help him up.

“C’mon, dance with us!” you yell so he can hear you. He laughs and takes your hand. You jump around and make as much contact with the man as possible. The song ends and you all sit back down. You see Ji-ae and Mingi starting to make-out on the couch and you wonder what balls it takes to be able to start something. And just like that, San snakes his arm around you and places his hand on your hip, pulling you towards him a bit. You nuzzle your head into his neck and enjoy the calm sounds of With You playing. Yeosang and Yunho already went somewhere else with these two women that were wearing extremely skimpy cloths.

Ji-ae and Mingi got up and went upstairs to do god only knows what.

“So, I heard you were the one that requested for me to come?” You say looking up at San, your faces too close, but you didn’t care. You enjoyed the feeling of his cool breath against your face. 

“You weren’t supposed to know,” he said chuckling and throwing his head back in embarrassment as his cheeks grew a bit rosy. Although it was a cute thing for him to do, you couldn’t help but look at how his neck tensed and his collar bone flexed as he did so which was so hot that it sent tingles all around your body ending down at your core. You wanted to kiss up his neck, and surprisingly this wasn’t the alcohol speaking. He looked back at you smirking. “But yes, it was me.”

“Why?” You ask, placing your hand on his chest and leaning into him even more, and slinging your leg over his slightly. He took your action by surprise, and blushed a bit more.

“Uh, well, I fancy you,” he says sliding his hand up your calf and stopping it at mid thigh. His slowness was enough to make more tingles happen but slightly more fierce. You rub your thumb against his right collar bone, and you ask why again. “You’re beautiful, and kind, and Ji-ae has talked about you a lot and abut how kind and smart you are, how much of a powerful woman you can be, how you’re independent, and just everything I’ve heard and saw tonight, I’m completely infatuated with. How about you? Got your eyes on anyone?”

You chuckle and blush. “When I walked into the room, I saw a attractive young man, that I instantly got butterflies over and said it to Ji-ae, and she told me that that person had actually requested my appearance,” you say smiling at him. “And, when I sat next to him, I got even more shy than I normally get especially when the whole time I could feel his eyes on me. And now I’m trying to make the boldest decision on making  move that if there wasn’t alcohol in my system, I wouldn’t be able to do.” You slide your hand up his neck and lay it at rest against his cheek, and glance at his lips then back at his eyes with a calm passionate look, mirrored back from him. 

“You’re doing thing’s to that person,” he says pulling his face slightly closer, His breath more prominent against your lips.

“Oh? What ever could you mean?” You chuckle.

“Why don’t I show you?” You nod, and get off him. He gets up, along with you and takes your hand, leading up the stairs to a room that says ‘San’ in hangul on the door. You stop for a minute, letting go of his hand to trace the symbols.

“Childish,” You say looking at him, sitting on the edge of the bed. “It’s adorable.” He chuckles and signals you to come closer. You close the door, and walk over to him. Standing between his legs, he puts his hands on your hips, dragging them up and down your curves, and placing a kiss against your tum. You giggle.

He then stands up towering over you dragging his his hands up from your curves, and up your arms, leaving one to wrest at your shoulder, the other on your cheek. “You’re beautiful,” He says, bringing his face closer to yours. 

“Hah, not even close, you say, bringing yours closer as well, almost close enough to touch.

“Lies, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” and with that, he finally places a peck against your lips, pulling away slightly to see your reaction, and to his surprise you leaned in for more. He pulls your body even closer to his, making you feel every inch of clothed muscle on him. His hands undo your space buns and entangle their selves in your beautiful locks, deepening the kiss, causing tingle after tingle. He lifts you up and places you on the bed, putting a thigh between your legs. He kissed down your neck, sucking and leaving dark marks that would most certainly be hard to hide the following day. He pushes his knee up into your dripping core, and groans. “Hmm, so wet for me already princess”

He unzips your dress dragging off your body, along with your fishnets and boots. To his liking, you’re not wearing a bra. He gropes at your breasts as he takes one into his mouth. You can’t help yourself but moan out in surprise. But who cares how loud you are? The music is already loud enough to confine your noises. He smirks and gently nips onto your bud with his teeth causing you to hiss in pain, but the pain was good. God- was it good. He gave the same treatment to the other side then kissed his way down your stomach to the hem of your panties. He looked up at you as he brought his face closer to your heat. 

“Look at me baby,” he mutters against you, the feeling of his breath against it exciting you even more. You obey and look at him. He gives you that hard lustful look and smirks, and within seconds he licks up your clothed heat. You moan and throw your head back. “Ah-ah-ah, eyes on me gorgeous.”

You return your look to him, propping yourself up on your elbows. He drags your panties down and off of you with his teeth, and without haste, returns his lips to your slick covered core. More moans slip from your lips uncontrollably a he continues to lick and slip his tongue into you, while occasionally sucking on your clit. He sticks a digit in, which soon turns into 3, and he has you going crazy. 

“S-San...” you moan out. He looks up at you, still eating you out.

“Hmm?” He says against you, the vibrations causing immense pleasure.

“San... P-please... I need you..” You moan out. He lift his head, wiping spit and your slick from his chin. He takes his shirt off and unbuttons his pants. 

“Need me where, Princess” he asks you.

“In me,” You whimper out. He slides his pants and boxers down, his hard member whipping up to life, hitting his stomach, as he then towers over you leading his tip up to your entrance.

“With pleasure,” he says, slowly sliding it in, as deep as he can. You moan loudly at the sudden feeling of being stretched. Without warning, he starts thrusting in and out of you, gradually getting faster. He wraps a hand around your throat and leans forward whispering little dirty sayings into your ears.

“God you’re so tight” “Like my hand around your pretty little neck?” “You feel so good” “Fuck” “You’re so beautiful”

“S-San, hngg, h-harder,” You shout in pleasure. He does as you wish and hits you g-spot repetitively. “O-oh yes, r-right there!” You scream, feeling your release coming. You can tell San himself is close aswell, for you can feel him twitching inside. In a mature of a few more thrusts you tighten around him as your orgasms hits, sending him into over drive, and pulling out to cum on your stomach.

He plops down beside you, both breathing heavily. 

“I don’t know if this is the right time to ask,” San starts to ask. You look over at him, and smile. “B-but will you go out with me?” he asks. You cup his cheek with your hand and kiss him.

“Yes, of course,” You say. You clean up his release off yourself and snuggle up to him, and the two of you fall asleep.

~ E n d ~

[mochiyoonfi]

Our Utopia

Synopsis: Y/n is an Idol Trainee under the same company as her big brother- Kim Namjoon. But there’s more to her than her angelic voice.

Universe: idol!bts, idol!reader, reader is Namjoon's sister.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of drug abuse/addiction, mentions of suicidal thoughts, depression, abuse, sexual assault, violence.

A/N: This is a request! Requested by @deereadeer​ Sorry this took so long!

~ (reader discretion is recommended) ~

Betraying the darkest parts of your heart to strangers was definitely something you wouldn’t recommend. Heart in your throat, you looked across at the judges. The founder of the company had his eyebrow raised, as if asking if you were going to do anything.

Taking a deep breath, you summoned every ounce of your courage and opened your mouth.

As you begin to sing, you feel everyone’s eyes fixed on you. You don’t pay attention to that, only to the thumping feeling of your racing heart.

You close your eyes, putting all the emotion you can manage without breaking down, into your voice.

Suddenly the room around you faded, you saw your darkest fears, the ones you could never talk to someone about. Your worst memories.

Walking through the lush park that you could no longer stomach to see, the gentle air playing with locks of your hair. The three men, strangers to you, who now haunted your nightmares regardless, had come out of nowhere, the darkness around them betraying the darkness of their hearts. And when it was over, they slunk back to nowhere.

You had only been two blocks away from your house.

You were almost home.

But you weren’t.

The frightful attack was just the start of your mentally declining slope. Drugs, alcohol. They became your only comforts. The only thing helping you cope. The shame surrounding your use of them was apparent to only you. No one else knew of your pain. Not even your best friends.

The real saving light to your turmoil came, maybe not when you desperately wanted it to, but it came nonetheless.

Your parents.

Of course you knew that your trusting, caring parents would have never imagined the spiral you had fallen into.

But they tried their best to comfort you regardless. You saw the shame in their eyes though, they couldn’t hide that. Their shame didn’t change the fact they loved you.

You knew that they loved you.

So when they told you to go to rehab, you went willingly. They had to know what was best for you. Because you sure as hell didn’t.

Your eyes slowly trailed up to the judges, resisting the urge to wipe your eyes, unsure of if there were even tears in them.

The judges all had straight faces. For a second your heart sunk.

Maybe you just weren’t good enough.

Was your best not good enough?

The female judge was the first to crack. She turned away and her shoulders began shaking, her hands shooting up to her face. Sobs were torn from her mouth, none too quietly.

The CEO, Bang Shi Hyuk or better known as PD Nim, wasn’t crying or staring almost blankly at you. He was smiling.

“Thank you for auditioning, we’ll get back to you if you’ve made it through.” He stated, voice a little quieter than normal. “You remind me of someone.”

You blinked.

He sighed, realising that you wanted to know who he meant. “You remind me of RM, from BTS. You both speak well and have heartfelt lyrics.”

It was your turn to smile, a sense of pride washing over you. “He’s my brother.”

The judges gasped quietly, the crying woman’s eyes widening. “Why didn’t you tell us beforehand? We would’ve marked you better!”

You shuffled on your feet, fingers playing with each other. “Well…I guess… I..”

“I think Kim Y/n means that she didn’t want to use her brother to make it through the auditions.” Bang Shi Hyuk said, smiling kindly at you.

You nodded vigorously. “Yeah. I want to do it for myself. Not cheat my way through…”

The woman stood up, face contorted somewhere between disbelief and anger. “What if you don’t make it through? Wouldn’t that be worse on your reputation? It wouldn’t even be cheating, it would just be an advantage!”

“I want to do this myself. I’m sure I can.”

Bang Shi Hyuk nodded. “We have your details and contact information. The period of call backs is one to two weeks. Thank you. Goodbye.”

-✥-

“Namjoon’s really good at rapping.”

You were lying on the floor of the practice room at Big Hit Entertainment with five other girls. Not just any girls. These girls were insanely talented— and also the only female idol trainees signed under the same company as the Kpop sensation, BTS, the band your brother was in. You six girls were kind of special in that sense.

“Yeah I know.” You replied, not trying to hide the pride in your voice.

“How come you aren’t good at rapping then?” Aiko asked, her dark eyes fixated on the tv mounted on the wall. You rolled your eyes when you saw that her eyes were solely on your brother. You still weren’t used to the whole ‘worldwide famous brother’ thing.

“Just because my brother is a good rapper doesn’t mean I am too.”

Heeyoung laughed. “Yeah but how can you not even drop a beat?”

Heeyoung was the main rapper in the group, so you weren’t surprised to hear this from her.

“I’m a singer, not a rapper.” You replied.

Ji-Eun smiled softly. Her smile was a welcoming thing to you. She normally was quiet, didn’t smile much and wasn’t very opinionated— a real peacekeeper. When she spoke, she spoke with pure honesty. You had never seen her lie before, at least, not successfully.

“You’re the best singer I’ve ever heard. Better than all those professional singers out there.”

You went red. “J-Ji! You can’t say that!”

Aiko shook her head. “No, she’s right. You’re a real natural talent. Probably even better than Jungkook.”

Your eyes widened. “J-Jungkook? He’s a senior to us! You can’t insult him like that!”

“Y/n, it’s a compliment to you.” Aiko scoffed, no malice in her voice.

“B-but-!”

A tinkling laugh filled the room and you turned to the source. The lead dancer of your group was grinning up from her phone. “Y/n, you really can’t accept compliments can you?”

“I can accept compliments just fine Luna.” You pouted.

Luna shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe just not in front of us.”

“Baram has no problem accepting compliments. I guess she should do our acceptance speeches.” Aiko stated.

Baram looked up from her phones. Baram smirked instantly. “No, that won’t work. Our modest leader shall accept everything.”

“Accept what?” Luna laughed. “We haven’t even debuted yet!”

Aiko jumped up, thrusting her fist into the air. “Yeah, but I know we’ll do well! Just like BTS! Just like TXT!”

“Yeah but BTS is mainly vocalists. We have two vocals.”

Everyone’s eyes drifted to Baram. She was a known overthinker. Ji-Eun quickly came to the rescue though. “Doesn’t matter. We’ve got some of the best dancers I’ve ever known! We’ll rock the industry to their core.”

You grinned. If anyone could energise your group, it was definitely Ji-Eun. “On three! UT-Opia!”

“UT-Opia!”

-✥-

You sat down in your dormitory, ignoring the fact that Aiko was sleeping, quite loudly, in your own bed. You rolled your eyes, throwing a blanket over her and turning on your camera.

You smiled warmly into the camera. “Welcome back, Blisses! I’m Y/n, the leader and main singer of UT-Opia! Today I’ll be talking about the song writing process! First I think of what the song will be about. Normally two themes: Love or sadness. I’m feeling pretty happy right now, so I’ll write about love.”

You talked for maybe five minutes before signing off and turning off the camera. You sighed in relief. Now all you had to do was your afternoon workout, and you would be done for the day.

Aiko stirred from under the blanket. “Oh. Hey Y/n.”

Walking over to her, you smiled lovingly. As much as you loved all the girls equally, you had a soft spot for the maknae, Aiko.

“Hey Aiko.”

She looked over at where your camera was set up, sheets of music and note paper discarded messily. Her brow creased. “Were you filming a daily vlog?”

You nodded.

“Don’t overwork yourself.” She warned.

You laughed unintentionally at this. Here she was, so exhausted from her daily life that she had collapsed into your bed, and slept for who knows how long. And she was telling you to take a break.

“I’m fine Aiko. You, however, look tired. Please sleep well. I’ll wake you when we need to practice.”

Her head immediately fell into the blanket again. “Thanks Y/n.”

You shared a room with Ji-Eun, which you never used. Really, it was more a gesture than anything useful.

You carefully pried open the front door to your actual dorm, being as silent as possible.

“Y/n! You’re back!”

Your brother greeted you with a hug and you couldn’t help but fall into his warm embrace. He smiled at you.

“Where were you? I hope you weren’t practicing all day..”

You grinned and pulled him into another quick hug. “No more than I need to.”

Namjoon sighed. He rustled his short blue hair and eyed your own dyed hair. “Honestly, at this point do we even look like siblings?”

“The price of fame.” You quipped. He laughed slightly.

“The price of keeping your fans happy.”

You turned to him, setting down the cup of coffee you had just begun to make. You studied him with care, studying him for any of his normal nervous habits. But no, he was standing calm and still.

“Don’t you enjoy making your fans happy anymore?”

He looked up from his own cup. He shook his head. “I do. I love making them happy. In fact, they make me happy.”

“I wonder if I’ll be as happy.”

The words came out without any intention to. Your thoughts had somehow managed to scramble themselves and now your older brother was looking at you, bright eyes unable to mask their sympathy.

“I’m sure you’ll be just as successful—if not more. And I’ll always make sure you’re happy.”

You sucked in a breath. “Always?”

“When have I ever not been here for you?”

You didn’t answer his question, knowing if you lied he may be able to tell, somehow. Instead you just nodded, smiled slightly awkwardly.

A gush of breeze raced past you, so fast you couldn’t even see what it was. Well, not really. As sneaky as Taehyung thought himself, the young man from your brother's group was actually not very good at unnoticed movements. In fact it had only taken two days of living with him to know his lying habits, exactly how fake his smile was, and what he did when he was tired. A lot of the time, it was the latter. He never seemed to get a full night's sleep. Often he would knock on your door and you would get out of bed and follow him out onto the deck. Together you would sit in silence, just gazing at the stars.

“Y/n! You hard worker! I’m glad you’re back!”

You smiled at the younger man and brought him in to you for a brief hug. “Ah, I should be saying that to you guys. Promoting a new album is making your schedules busy, eh?”

Namjoon sighed loudly. “It’s hard.” He saw your slightly disappointed face and hurried to correct himself. “It’s always worth it though.”

“Mm. I’ll wait until I see the worth.”

You breath hitched. Min Yoongi, the second oldest in your brothers group, had entered the room. He scratched his neck slowly, eyes trailing to each person's present face. He looked away before he got to you though.

“Oh Yoongi give her some hope.” Taehyung complained.

Yoongi shrugged. “It’s true. I’m just tired right now. Where’s the cereal?”

“Grandpa, it’s 10 at night.” Namjoon groaned.

Yoongi’s upper lip curled downwards in something that resembled disgust. “What’s wrong with cereal at night?” His frown deepened. “And don’t call me grandpa.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes. “Whatever. How’s your practice going anyway?”

Realising this was directed at you, you looked up into your brothers strong eyes. “I think we’re pretty good! Almost as good as you guys!” You teased.

Namjoon laughed. “I wouldn’t be surprised. You girls are very talented. All we have really is years of work and a massive fan base backing our every move.”

Your eyebrows fell. “We haven’t even debuted yet. Of course we aren’t that successful.”

“You guys still do daily vlogs right?” Taehyung asked.

“Yeah Y/n did one this morning.”

Turning to Yoongi, your heart caught slightly. “D-did you watch it?”

He nodded. “It was good. I like the way you write your music. It’s very deep.”

Your heart began pounding, not because of the butterflies catching at the fact that he had been watching you, but now because he had seen you so invested in your music. It almost felt as if you were ripping out pages of a diary you had kept for years and giving it to him to read through.

“Too bad you didn’t do any singing though.”

“I haven’t heard you sing— really sing, I’m so long Y/n.” Namjoon jumped in. “Do you think you could sing for me at some point.”

“Me too!” Taehyung jumped in, reminding you that he was still there.

“Maybe later?” You squeaked.

Namjoon’s eyes narrowed. “That’s fine. I think you should go to bed.”

You sighed. Of course Namjoon had noticed the sleep bags under your eyes. He was too perceptible for his own good sometimes.

“I will. I just need to talk with Jungkook first.”

The three boys nodded. It had become a regular thing, you talking to each of the boys in private every few days. They just assumed that it was for some type of mentoring purposes, as the things you asked about were always vague. But your conversations always turned to a more emotional route.

Because you weren’t there only for their tutoring and mentoring.

-✥-

“Jungkook sunbae?”

“Come in.”

You slowly opened his door, walking in quietly. He was slouched on the floor against his wall, phone in hand. He looked up at you and grinned.

“Hey Y/n. Nice to see you. And for the hundredth time, just call me Jungkook. You’re older than me for goodness sake.”

You laughed, sliding down next to him. “But you have so much more experience than me. It doesn’t feel right addressing you so casually.”

“You’ve been living here for two whole years now. I think we’re pretty good friends at this point.”

“You guys have really blown up over two years.”

He turned off his phone, throwing it and landing it perfectly onto his bed. “And you guys have gotten a lot better at dancing— which to be honest, is astounding seeing how good you were to start with.”

“And your mental health has gotten so much better.”

“It’s only thanks to you.”

You smiled. “I’m glad I can do anything to help you. You didn’t need much helping really, just a gentle push in the right direction. You’ve been strong since I’ve known you.”

“You as well.” Jungkook responded earnestly. “You were really reluctant to move in with us at first.”

A laugh filled the room. “Well you should expect that— A 23 year old moving in with a bunch of men.”

Jungkook shrugged. “I moved in with a bunch of teenagers and young men when I was only young. I guess I had very different experiences to other people.” He looked down at the tattoos running all along the skin of his hands. The word ‘ARMY’ spelt out of his group members' names. “I guess some of those experiences were good though.”

A warm smile washed over your face, lighting up your eyes.

Jungkook was right.

Some experiences were different— and they weren’t all enjoyable.

But some of them were good.

“I’m really glad I came here. Even if I didn’t really want to at first. I’ve learnt so much from you guys. I think I’ve grown a lot more too.”

Jungkook chuckled, ready to poke fun at you after your shared emotional moment. “I hope you don’t mean in height, because that certainly isn’t true.”

You rolled your eyes, shoving him slightly as you got up.

He looked slightly crestfallen as you began to exit his room. “Wait I didn’t mean to offend you!”

You giggled. “And you didn’t. I just need to go to bed. I’m tired, Kook.”

A bright grin washed over his face, white teeth popping out in a bunny like expression. “You called me Kook!”

You paused in his doorway. “No..”

Bolting towards, and before you could react he had his arms wrapped around you tightly.

This felt sickeningly similar.

The feeling of being deprived of air.

The world turned to pure black.

“Y/n?”

You blinked.

Right. That was just your memories. This was the present.

And there was no reason for you to be afraid.

Grabbing at Jungkook’s back you found your chin resting on his shoulder. He fidgeted, clearly surprised that you had returned his gesture.

“Yeah I called you Kook. Goodnight, Jungkook. Sleep well.”

He pulled back, even though you were his noona, a few years older than him even, he still stood a large majority taller than yourself. He leant down to press a light kiss onto your forehead. A brotherly action.

You pulled him into another hug quickly before running out of his room, trying in vain to hide your beaming face.

-✥-

“They’re coming over here? Them!” Aiko squealed, not even trying to conceal her inner fangirl.

“Yeah. And one of ‘them’ is my older brother.” You eyed up Aiko’s bouncy stage. “Don’t make it weird.”

Aiko huffed, placing her hands onto her hips, staring at you with a sassy pout. “I've never made things weird.”

Luna jumped up, feeding off Aiko’s overexcited energy. “We can introduce ourselves as a group right? That’ll be so cool! Using our stage names too!”

“You don’t even have a stage name.” Heeyoung pointed out.

Luna thrust a hand at herself dramatically. “My name is so beautiful I need no stage name.”

“Girls! Get ready, they’ve just arrived.” Your manager said offhandedly, obviously not grasping the weight of the rest of your group getting to perform in front of the most famous band in the world.

You all jumped up, standing in a line in front of the door, a few metres back so as to not scare the poor boys.

The door clicked open and a bodyguard stepped inside. He looked around, then stepping forwards and aside, he cleared the way for the tall man behind him to enter.

Your brother smiled softly at you as the rest of the group filed inside slowly. You could hear Aiko practically buzzing when Jimin stepped inside.

“2! 3! Bangtan. Hello, we’re BTS!”

“We know.” Ji-Eun muttered and you had to bite your tongue to suppress a laugh.

You stepped forward, taking in a breath. “Hello! We are UT-Opia!”

At the end for UT-Opia, the other girls joined in so it came out as a chorus.

Your manager waved his hand as if this wasn’t necessary at all. It probably wasn’t, but it made you feel professional.

“Introduce yourselves girls. I’m sure the boys don’t need to.”

Ji-Eun raised her hand. “Manager, I’m sure I’ve told you, I don’t know BTS well at all.”

You giggled. Ji-Eun was ever blunt and honest. Your manager didn’t see this as a virtue though, and hung his face in his hands.

“It’s fine. Hi! I’m RM, rapper and leader of BTS.”

The following six members introduced themselves, to which Ji-Eun noticeably didn’t pay much attention to. Realising it was finally your turn, you took a deep breath, mustering your fleeting courage.

“I’m Y/n of UT-Opia. I'm the main vocalist and the leader.”

“I’m K.” Ji-Eun tried dismally to put any emotion into saying her stage name. “I'm the lead rapper and the oldest.”

“Hey! I’m Luna, lead dancer!” Luna accentuated the words ‘lead dancer’ with a flip of her dyed blonde hair.

“I’m Gem and I’m a main dancer.” Baram looked almost starstruck to be talking to BTS. She was normally overly confident and self certain, but right now she looked quite awed.

“I’m Cinnamon, it’s a stage name do not worry, and I’m a main dancer but I prefer the title of-”

Manager tapped his watch. Heeyoung smiled sympathetically at him, but regardless continued her speech. “I’m main dancer but I prefer the title of main rapper.” She looked down at her purple button up shirt and dark tracksuits that somehow looked fashionable. “I’m not as good at dancing as I am at styling.”

You could’ve sworn you heard Manager groan at her final wordings.

“I’m Aiko. I’m the youngest and I’m a sub vocal and also a dancer and sub rapper!”

Manager breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness that’s over. Girls do you have a song you could perform, you know, to show what you can do? The boys can give some pointers or something.”

He looked down hurriedly at his watch. “I’m late to a meeting. Thank you BTS for coming. Please take care of them.”

As soon as the uptight man rushed from the room, Yoongi dropped onto the ground along with Jimin, and on the other end of the room, Heeyoung.

“Let’s get rid of the formalities, alright?” Yoongi asked.

You nodded. “Ji-Eun, their names are Namjoon, Seokjin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Taehyung and Jungkook, alright?”

She frowned. “I would’ve addressed them by their hair colours if I didn’t know.”

“But unnie-” You began.

Hoseok cut you off with a laugh. “Sorry Y/n for interrupting. Just K has such a lack of care. It’s quite honestly refreshing when everyone treats you like kings of some kind.”

“My name isn’t actually K.” Ji-Eun pointed out. “It’s Ji-Eun. Call me Ji.”

“I’m Baram.” Gem added.

You noticed the boy's eyes trail to Heeyoung. She didn’t comply.

“I’m just Cinnamon. It’s my birth name.”

“Her name is Heeyoung.” You said, grinning at her.

She rolled her eyes. “And the air of mystery is gone.”

“So what are you guys gonna perform?” Yoongi asked, eager to hear you sing.

You fiddled with your fingers. “We’re a mainly dance focused group, should we dance?”

“I want to hear you sing though.” Yoongi replied, not enforcing, but softly so he sounded as if he were reassuring you.

“Well.. I-” You begun.

Heeyoung leapt to her feet. “Well? Cmon! Let’s do that song!”

“Heeyoung and Aiko dragged you to your feet. “It’s a good song too!”

“I dunno.” You whispered.

Ji-Eun looked deep into your eyes. “There’s no harm in trying.”

And with that, you were in the middle of the room, a microphone in hand and the rest of your group spread around you.

Aiko pressed the player, turning on a quiet piano track you could remember sitting down and playing to record. It had been emotional by yourself, how would it be with people with you?

You took a deep breath.

No harm in trying.

Focusing on your voice instead of their reactions, you closed your eyes. As the words to your song left your lips, your mind wasn’t in the practice room. You were racing through all your bad memories.

And there was a light at the end of the foggy tunnel of pain.

A way out.

The last time Namjoon had heard you sing was before he went to audition for Bighit Entertainment. A long time ago. You had been just goofing around with him, he was rapping to the song and you were singing. He had showered you with compliments over your voice after that.

Would he still like your voice?

Your eyelids fluttered open. Ji-Eun, Heeyoung, Aiko and Baram were all moving rhythmically around you, moving with the music. Luna was dancing beside you in a smooth flowing form of actions. It wasn’t the normal hip hop or pop dancing she normally did. This was a more sorrow filled format. Her movements were lucid. She noticed you watching and made her way over to you. Her palm drew across your face, sliding your eyelids shut.

Only when you felt the moisture on her palm slide across your face did you realise you were crying. So much emotion was being poured into your voice that you hadn’t kept a tight enough lid on how you were acting physically.

You didn’t make the motion to wipe off your tears though.

The tears, the pain— they were part of your song.

Part of your life.

As the song drew to a close, your eyes opened again to see the astounded faces of the members of BTS. Yoongi’s eyes were wide and it seemed as if there was a slight sheen to them, a small amount of moisture. Hoseok, Jimin and Jin all looked amazed, and slightly guilty that you were crying. Jungkook and Taehyung were both blinking back tears. They had needed you a lot more than the others in your years of helping them with their mental health and hated seeing you upset.

The boys all had the same look of adoration and amazement plastered onto their faces. They were blown away by your voice, your emotion. By you.

Your brother was astounded though. A wave of emotions seemed to be rippling through his expressions all at once. It was a relief to hear your sweet voice once again, lifting and filling up the room as you sing your heart out. Pride overwhelmed him.

He was proud of you, of your voice. Of your emotions.

You fetched some drink bottles and took the chance to dry your eyes, handing a bottle to each member of your group.

“That was a really good song.” Yoongi noted. “The piano was superb as well. The lyrics.. they were really deep and heartfelt.

Aiko smiled. “That’s our Y/n writing and playing that song!”

Namjoon blinked slowly. “You wrote that song?”

“Y-yeah.” You gulped. Maybe he didn’t like it after all. “It’s not very good but-“

“Are you kidding me?” Namjoon yelped. “It was so good! The lyrics were so deep as Yoongi said! I can’t believe you’re such a good writer!”

You flushed a shade of crimson. “I-I-I thank you.”

“What is…” Yoongi’s voice trailed off. He peered at the moisture still in your reddened eyes. “Never mind.”

You flashed an okay-then smile at him and turned back to listen to how Hoseok and Jimin were critiquing their dancing— even though they would be the first to admit there was hardly anything to criticize. Jungkook began talking to you about some singing tips and you immersed yourself back into real life again. Pulling your mind out of your over active imagination.

-✥-

A nock came on your door when it was already late at night. In fact, if you stuck to your schedule you would already be in bed. But you found yourself sitting in your room, writing out lyrics to a song that you didn’t even need to write. You slowly opened the door, shutting off your light first so it looked as if you were about to go to bed, and not ignoring your schedule.

“Sorry Y/n. I know it’s a bit late.”

Yoongi stood in the hallway, shifting awkwardly, his eyes in contrast shon with a determination.

You felt your stomach fill with butterflies and you tried to quench the feeling. “No, it’s fine. What’s wrong?”

“Nothings wrong. I just...I wanted to ask a question.”

“Fire away.”

He shook his head slightly. “Well it’s not just a casual question. And I want to make sure I’m not invading your privacy. But it’s about the song you sung earlier.”

You felt your heart drop, blood running cold while simultaneously goosebumps spiked onto your skin.

“You seemed very emotional.. not even seemed. You cried and I really want to know why. I just feel that if I wait any longer to ask you, it’ll be too late. Now feels like the right time.”

Sighing, you knew he was right. You couldn’t hide your demons forever. Even though you had talked to your therapist a bit about the incident, you had never gone into depth about it with your parents. You had never even told Namjoon. Your brother had no idea that it had happened.

And it was time that he knew.

“Can you go get Namjoon? I’m not ready to tell the others yet.”

You were really close to Yoongi, the time that you had spent in their housing really grew you close to him. He had picked up on your main reason for being there almost the third time you had talked to him. He didn't mind that you were partially there just to help their mental health.

When you first moved in he hadn’t been at his best, stressed over the band’s popularity and success. His OCD was worse than ever.

More upset than the others, you were eager to help him get back on his feet. At first however, Yoongi was cold to you. He didn’t think he needed your help. He could fix it himself.

And he thought you were stuck up and arrogant to think that you could help him. After all, you were only 25 years old. Who were you to help him?

But slowly and surely with your help, he managed to get a hand on his health. He accepted that you could help him. It came to a time when he was happy to talk to you, and looked forward to it even.

Telling them was hard, but it felt freeing. Like a weight you had been carrying for the past eight years was lifted. As if you had been chained to your trauma and couldn’t get free, and now the locks were opened.

“You were attacked?” Namjoon almost yelled. You shushed him, nodding. Even though Yoongi had told the other boys not to enter the recording studio, you didn’t want to run any risks of them hearing regardless.

“The place is sound proofed Y/n, don’t worry.” Namjoon looked apologetic, as if by yelling he had upset you somehow. “But you were attacked? When was this?!”

“When I was seventeen…”

He immediately let out a cry. “You never told me? I could’ve helped you! Did the person ever get caught? Held accountable?”

You shook your head. “It wasn’t a person… it was three men.”

Namjoon swore loudly. “Multiple people? Attacking a fucking teenager? Who the fuck do they think they are? Who are they Y/n?”

You felt someone’s warm hand slip into yours, giving your own a tight reassuring squeeze. You noticed you were trembling slightly. It wasn’t from Namjoon raising his voice. It was from realising the weight of what had happened to you, that had suddenly come crashing down onto your mind.

You kept your gaze focused on Yoongi’s hand grasping yours, trying not to look at your astonished brother's face.

“I… I don’t know. They.. weren’t found.”

Namjoon let out a loud growl. “So the authorities can’t even do their job and find these degenerates? Fuck them.”

“N-Namjoon they’re trying their best! It’s not their fault…”

A wave of sympathy and guilt washed over his face. “It’s not your fault either Y/n! It’s those stupid bastards fault!”

You held your free hand up to quiet him. “Namjoon, I know it’s not my fault.”

His eyes narrowed, staring deep beyond your skin. “You’re so different Y/n… I shouldn’t have left you. You’ve changed so much from the little girl I left in Ilsan.”

You shook your head. “I changed at first after the attack. When I miscarried my child,”

You heard the boys intake of breath when they heard miscarriage. Namjoon didn’t know that you had been pregnant. YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T KNOW. How could you talk about this without crying? Without breaking down?

It was so hard to think about let alone talk to someone else about. But it was your brother. He had a right to know. And you wanted him to know.

“I-it really changed me. I thought.. maybe I was to blame for my child’s death. After all, I was the mother.. I was meant to take care of my baby. And I didn’t.”

“Y-your child..?” Namjoon whispered.

The present had faded into a fog. It was if you were standing in the dark, pure silence enveloping you. All you could hear was your thoughts, booming louder than you could control.

Your child.

Yoongi softly touched your arm. “Y/n? You were.. pregnant when you were attacked?”

You shook your head slowly. “The attack.. I got pregnant after..”

The words clicked inside Yoongi and Namjoon’s minds, sudden rage boiling through them.

The child you had carried inside you. The innocent victim of ruthless men, who you were just as bad as. It wasn’t the child’s fault. You had decided to keep it after you were found to be pregnant, hoping that you would be able to provide the child a life better than it’s conception.

You found out only months later that due to complications of your physical and mental health sustained after the attack— the poor infant had died before even reaching half term.

You had failed them.

“Y/n.. it’s not your fault.” Yoongi murmured. “You couldn’t stop them from attacking you, you weren’t to know… it’s in no way your fault. It’s so brave that you kept the baby...”

You shook your head, hands coming up to wipe tears from your eyes. “I was the mother! How could I fail my baby? It wasn’t their fault that their father was a c-criminal! It wasn’t their fault that they were conceived from an assault! They were innocent! T-There’s always a way to save someone!”

Namjoon grabbed your hands in his. “Y/n, it isn’t your fault. I’m really sorry you had to go through that, that you still feel guilt. You were so brave to try and give them a life anyway, even if it hurt you. You shouldn’t feel any guilt. It wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself. I love you, Y/n. And I’m here for you.”

You sniffled softly, glad for your brother's presence.

He was right.

You knew that.

You had known that for years. But it took someone else saying that for you to finally realise it was true.

It wasn’t your fault.

“Do you feel alright to continue, Y/n?” Yoongi murmured, an empathetic expression washing over his face. “We can take a break if you want…”

“No.” You smiled slightly, Yoongi’s caring side more than enough to reassure that you were safe. “I’m alright.”

Taking a deep breath, you continued your story. “I-I got addicted to drugs. I was completely off the rails, trying my best to cope with something I couldn’t handle. It was destroying me from the inside out. Eating away at my physical health as well as my mental state. My-... our parents, found out a little while after. I didn’t last that long before they discovered what happened.”

“They knew?” Namjoon cried, his choice cracking. “Why did no one tell me? I should’ve known! I would’ve helped you!”

You shook your head, tears filling your eyes. “You don’t understand Namjoon! If I would’ve told you you would’ve left BTS! You would’ve come back home!”

“Well yes! Of course!” Namjoon replied.

“I couldn't let you give up your dreams for me! I couldn’t be responsible for ruining my brother's life! Not when our parents were already so shocked and upset to hear the news! Mum was always so supportive to both of us! She tried her best to make me happy and comfortable! But it got to the point where they couldn’t handle it anymore.. they sent me to rehab.”

“Rehab?” Yoongi asked, his voice quieter than usual.

You nodded. “It really helped me. The people there were so kind. It took me a while, but I finally recovered.”

Namjoon’s heart had been thumping in his chest for the past ten minutes. He couldn’t bear the thought that anyone had dared to hurt his little sister. By all accounts, to him she was perfect. He couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to hurt her.

“I should’ve been there for you! I’m your older brother and I didn’t even get to support you! I didn’t get the chance.”

You felt your heart shaking within you. “N-Namjoon? I have to tell you something else too.”

Namjoon and Yoongi looked at you, nervous for whatever you were going to say. You took a deep, shaky breath.

“You know the people you were in a rap group with back at Ilsan?”

Namjoon’s heart stopped.

“T-they were the ones who attacked me.”

Anger flared inside Namjoon’s eyes. “My former friends?! Attacked you?”

You nodded reluctantly.

His head fell into his hands. “I can’t believe this.”

“I’ll kill them.”

You both turned to Yoongi, whose jaw was set in determination. “I’ll kill them.” He repeated, his eyes focused solely on you.

Namjoon quickly jumped in. “Me too. Those sick bastards think they can get away with hurting my sister? I-I-”

“No.” You whispered. “I’m fine.”

“Fine?” Namjoon snapped. “I never knew that you were this hurt! How could you be fine?”

“Rehab really cleared my head.. I finally got a chance to step back and for the first time in possibly years, think about what I wanted.”

“Y/n…”

Yoongi’s soft eyes were focused solely on you, in a way that would normally cause your heart to do somersaults. But not right now. The tension in the room was thick, the atmosphere that of a depressing one.

“You’re a fighter.”

You hadn't expected this response. You had expected some form of criticism, for him to tell you on for subbumcing so easily to the quick way to no pain.

You get your heart squeezing. You had never talked in depth about your feelings to your parents, but right now you would be willing to open your heart to Yoongi.

“You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. Sure, when you first got here I thought you were a snob, someone stuck up and ready to have the world handed to them simply for Namjoon’s achievements.”

Namjoon’s brow creased. “Watch how you talk about my sister hyung-”

“It’s alright.” You reassured him. “I trust his words mean no harm.”

Yoongi nodded instantly. “My views on you quickly changed. You cared for each of us, even if initially it was solely as a favour to Hitman Bang. And we began to care deeply for you. Because no matter what you’ve been through, no matter what tears you’ve shed and for what reasons, you always will mean so much to us. So much more than you can imagine.”

Yoongi wiped a tear from forming on the corner of his eye. He smiled sadly at you, regardless of the simplicity of the gesture, a wave of emotions spread through the one smile, rejuvenating and replenishing your drive, your focus.

“You deserve your happiness.”

You turned to the small voice.

He had spoken so much quieter than you had ever heard him speak before, the raw feelings in his voice transparent. “You deserve to be happy. You’ve been working so hard. You can’t just sacrifice your happiness for the benefit of others. I remember when we were growing up, you used to always make sure that I was okay if anything happened. Y/n, I’m your older brother. It’s okay to rely on me for support sometimes. You need me just as much as I need you. And that’s not a bad thing.”

You couldn’t hold yourself back any longer. You threw yourself against Namjoon’s chest, grabbing his back tightly, clasping him as if you could never let go.

“Y/n…”

You tried in vain to wipe your tears from your eyes, looking up at his strong face.

“It’s okay to cry. You don’t always have to smile. You’re still strong. And I’ll still love you anyway. You’re still my sister.”

You buried your face into his toned chest again. “N-Namjoon..I-I-I love you too.” You sniffled.

He gripped you tightly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

“It’s not your fault, Namjoon. It’s only their fault. Please don’t feel guilty.”

Pulling away from you, he wiped the tears off your moist cheeks. “Okay Y/n. For you, anything.”

A small cough was interjected into the comfortable silence of the room, reminding you that Yoongi was still there. Both you and your brother turned to him. His eyes were soft and empathetic, as if he didn’t want to spoil the moment, but couldn't wait any longer.

“C-can I please talk to Y/n alone?”

Namjoon considered his hyung. While he didn’t really want to leave his sisters side, he knew that Yoongi wouldn’t ask it he wouldn’t take care of her. Namjoon knew he could trust him.

“Okay.” He relented. “Y/n, I love you. Just say if you need anything.”

On his way out he grabbed Yoongi’s shoulder bringing the older man against him.

“Make sure she’s okay. Don’t you dare hurt her.”

Yoongi nodded. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I was in a dark place once. I wasn’t happy. It felt like the world was against me.”

Now that you were alone with Yoongi, he seemed a lot less cold, and a lot more caring. The off putting gaze he had on accident given you multiple times was replaced with soft eyes that seemed to drip honey.

“I got through it. And I’m heaps weaker than you. I don’t have the mental endurance that you have, nor the fighting spirit. If anyone can overcome this situation— it’s you.”

You wiped your eyes with your hands. It was so reassuring to have someone believe in you. To have someone who was backing you up.

“You know, I can’t believe how strong you are. To be able to recover from that in just years? And with only really your own strength? I really admire it. It’s amazing.”

You blushed slightly. “I didn’t really have much choice.”

He sighed, eyes scanning the door as if someone might burst in any second.

“Y/n… I shouldn’t be saying this. But I can’t hold onto my feelings any longer. I really like you.”

Your heart began racing and you could feel your skin begin to heat up.

Could Yoongi see how nervous you were?

You hoped he couldn’t.

“I-I-”

He grabbed your hand tightly, making your face flush.

“Y/n, you don’t have to answer me right now. I can wait as long as you need. I would wait forever for you.”

“Y-Yoongi I really like you too. I know I’m not always perfect but I-”

Yoongi’s body fell against yours, his arms wrapping around your frame. He stroked your hair slowly, burying his face in your shoulder.

“You don’t have to be perfect. Your flaws make you humans.” He pulled back slightly, playing with your hair as he looked right through you. “I believe you can overcome your flaws. They don’t make you a bad person. They make you you.”

You giggled slightly. It was weird to hear Yoongi so sweet. Normally he stayed away, his face in a resting serious face. You were so happy to see him smile.

“I’m so glad you like me back. I was so worried.”

“Me too…”

He pulled away one last time, his face weighted with a burden that hadn’t been obvious before. Or had you just not noticed.

“Y/n.. I know your past. So I think it’s time you found out mine.”

Your mouth opened slightly, eyes widening.

“Really? You trust me that much?”

He nodded, grinning. Then he frowned again. “Not all of it will be pretty. I-it might shock you a bit.”

You squeezed his hand that was still in yours. He blushed.

“I’m ready.”

[steakook]

not a house but a home

Pairing: boyfriend!Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Domestic Fluff, Angst, very very light Smut if you squint

A/N: feeling all kinds of soft for the babie after his “Never Not” cover. This was supposed to be a Drabble but, as always, jungkook takes my heart further ༼;´༎ຶ.̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨.̸̸̨̨۝ ༎ຶ༽ . Enjoy!

///

“Babe?”

I let out an unintelligible response. My toothbrush is still buzzing in my mouth, for God’s sake. Jungkook takes it as a sign to continue.

“Can you please please PLEASE clean your side of the bathroom?” He says pleadingly with puppy dog eyes but also a hint of seriousness. He means business today.. of all days, Monday.

“SDFGHHH!!! DFYJKGGJK” I let out.

“I know it’s morning and I know you’re grumpy but PLEASE I can’t keep looking at this mess.”

I spit out into my sink. As I’m doing so I look at the cocktail of toiletries that litters my side of the vanity. 5 different Bobbi brown lip tints strewn about. Several makeup brushes and palettes clutter the white marble. Multiple face washes, moisturizes, and various other skincare products I’ve been sold by the deceptive Sephora employees, 83% of which I don’t use. Hair. Hair everywhere. I can’t help it, with hair like this I can’t just empty my comb every single day.

“I have no idea what you’re referring to.” I say to my beautiful and unfortunately meticulous boyfriend with a smirk.

He heaved a loaded sigh.

“Baaaaaabe.”

Here we go.

“I can’t look at this every morning!! How can you have your side so messy and still be able to operate throughout the day clearly?! Being organized brings peace to one’s life.”

Oh God I don’t remember putting something up his ass last night and leaving it there. I giggle in my head. I need to save that joke for later.

“You know, if I knew you’d be this messy, I would’ve just stayed at the dorms. Living with you is basically as bad as living with them.” Jungkook says, no trace of playfulness in his voice.

“Oh really? The same? Y’all giving each other cuddles?? Y’all sucking each other’s dicks?! Hmm??”

Ok in all honesty i really shouldn’t start a fight this early in the morning let alone week. But he knows how grumpy I am in the mornings. Not only do I have to wake up and ungodly hour (7am is ungodly for some of us, okay?), but I naturally hate being forced out of my comfy bed cuddling with my exorbitantly organized but very hot boyfriend.

I look at him. He has an incredulous look in his eyes. We’ve had this fight multiple times since moving in with each other 6 months ago. To be quite frank, there have been more growing pains than happy moments. I started realizing my organized chaos choice of living deeply contrasted jungkook’s need to put everything in its place and if it can be alphabetized, all the better. I’m annoyed and so is he.

“Are you serious? Can’t you do this ONE thing for me? One thing that will significantly improve not only mine but your life as well? I swear it’s amazing how much you accomplish at work when you practically do nothing at home.”

Oh. Wasn’t expecting that.

He must see the change in playfulness in my face, immediately regretting his words.

“Babe I’m sor-“

“Don’t worry about it. I have to finish getting ready. I have a big presentation to present to the Japanese stockholders this afternoon regarding our globalization plan.... I mean, hopefully i don’t fuck it up seeing as how I live my life in such a clusterfuck it’s a wonder how i get things done there. Right, jungkook?”

I don’t wait for him to answer as i leave our shared bathroom but he just continues to stand there. I hit him low too.

Living together has put quite a strain on our relationship because we haven’t really found that symbiotic rhythm yet. To be honest, I kick ass and take names in the board room but I’ve never found myself to be very... well... domestic at home. Jungkook, on the other hand, not only is good at every chore. He is amazing. he has a neurotic obsession with making sure laundry never overflows in the hamper, dishes are always clean and the sink is empty, and making sure dust never accumulates. I swear to God. For someone who is an international kpop sensation, how does he have time to keep our house looking so great everyday.

This is a quality of his I worship. His never ending never endingness. There is always work to be done, this can always be cleaner, that can always be done today not tomorrow. Me, on the other hand, I wear two hats. There is the Business Y/N who has an MBA and literally climbed her way up the corporate ladder. Queen of making deals and making grown men cry around the world. I have a 401k. I know. Amazing. But outside of that, I’ve always been Party, easy going Y/N. My job already requires me to be ruthless yet charismatic AND strategic everyday, I don’t need to bring that elsewhere.

If I hadn’t had the second hat, I don’t think I would have ever met jungkook. We met at a random awards show I was attending for fun with some friends, my close friend from B-school scoring us tickets within the artists’ seating. We’ve been inseparable ever since.

I’ve always envied kook for his ability to be at the forefront in everything in his life. From his career, to his multitude of sports and hobbies, to taking care of his homestead. He’s more serious and cares more about little things than I think he purposely lets on. We are yin and yang. opposites attract, yes, but can they actually coexist?

It’s been a long day when i get home at 10pm. Funny enough, both our schedules are so hectic but perfectly align with his late dance practices and my evening calls to Belgium.

Our golden doodle puppy greets me.

“Matcha!!!!!! How are you my love???” She showers me with kisses. Oh how lovely this is after a particularly shitty day.

I turn into the tv room and see him laying there icing his knee. He looks gorgeous. Even now, barefaced and in a hoodie that’s three times his should-be size and basketball shorts, watching the 6th season of nartuto. (For the 7th time).

We look at each other waiting for one to break. It’s always been like this. What more could you expect from two highly-competitive and maybe a bit self-righteous individuals? Maybe we are more similar than we are different.

“Hi baby.” I cave.

The hard look on his face softens. He puts his guard down, relieved we won’t have to fight. I go over and lay down next to him making sure i don’t hit his knee. He wraps me in his large arms and I feel a glow of comfort. He smells like fresh laundry. (Which is probably accurate since he made sure to do a load today before heading to the studio.. someone say ANAL RETENTIVE with me!!)

“You smell so nice.” He is soft. No, he is softness personified. As much of a tough, stubborn Virgo as he is, he is a ball of pudding when it comes to after work moments like these. He tucks his nose into my hair. And kisses me absentmindedly.

“About this morning-“ He starts. But I cut him off.

“No, no. I’m sorry. I know it’s been hard living together with our opposing..... lifestyle choices” he snorts. “But I know you’ve had to bend to me more than I’ve had to bend to you. And for that I’m sincerely sorry. I haven’t made nearly as much of an effort to make this work. But the change has been hard for me. I’ve never had to live with a boy let alone share a bathroom with one. And not only that, I had always imagined I WOULD BE THE CLEANER ONE.” He chuckles quietly and plants some chaste kisses on my temples.

“Babe, no. I know. You’re still adjusting. But I need to apologize too. I didn’t mean what I said earlier but i just get so frustrated sometimes! You’re hard headed and I am too. But still I shouldn’t have said those things I’ve said about you not being great at your job. Your ferocity is one of the reasons i love you. It’s also extremely hot.”

I smile and look up into those big brown doe eyes and I melt. How could he look so good after practicing the whole day? And how could he be so patient and loving to someone like me? Messy and unorganized.

“I love you. So much. I don’t deserve to be with someone like you. You’re amazing at everything it’s so damn frustrating sometimes. Not only do you devote your life to an occupation that require so much of you, you also still make time to take care of us, this place. I’m sorry I don’t make things easy.”

“Y/N. You may be frustratingly messy. I don’t understand how one person can produce so much goddamn hair at once to be quite honest. You shed more than Matcha. But being with you is easy. You make life easy. You give me easiness when so so so many other things in this life are so hard and time consuming. So many people want so much from me and I want to be the person they need. But when I’m with you, it doesn’t feel like work. It’s easiness in its purest sense. Even though you don’t clean up your shit.”

I giggle.

“But even then, i wouldn’t trade this for anything else.”

I kiss him chastely and he holds my chin up for better access. We kiss like this for a while before he swipes his tongue against my lip asking for permission. Though he doesn’t need any. The kiss escalated into something deeper. Hotter. He licks into my mouth and I feel heat stir in my stomach. Fuck.

He uses his arms already wrapped around me to place me on top of him. Ice bag long forgotten on the floor. We make out passionately as if our lives depend on it. I put my hand to the back of his neck and run through his gorgeous thick chocolate hair. So lush.

I find myself straddling his waist and grind my core against his half hard-on. He moans.

“Fuck..”

I grind harder with intention and fill fires of lust consume me. Holy fucking shit. It always feels like the first time. He puts his hands on my thighs gripping them and forcing me to go harder onto his dick.

After a few minutes he sits up, lips still connected and lifts me up. I smirk into the kiss already knowing where this is going. He carries me along the marbled tile hallway to our bedroom and throws me on the bed. He strips himself of his hoodie.

“You know... you’ve been quite disobedient to me, Y/N. I think it’s time to put you in your place.” He says sternly. God, he has never looked more hot.

///

A/N: thank you so much for reading!!!! Hopefully you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is my first fic so please let me know if you liked it! 

Lots of love.

-M

[khhunniewriting]

Rockstars Don’t Pout

Debuting as a rapper wasn’t easy. There was a lot of work to be done not just by you but the team supporting you as well. That is why you took your career so seriously and put work ahead of everything. 

For two years you did nothing but work. All your free time was dedicated to music and lyrics. Your hands littered with pen markings as you often twidled the pen in your hand causing the various colors of ink to decorate your skin. On occasion, there was a mark on your chin from when you tapped the pen in thought. 

Your dedication brought you great success but also had great repercussions. At one moment you were doing too many shows a week, straining your voice. When you woke up one morning, unable to speak, your label stepped in to put you on hiatus until you fully recovered.

As a professional who depended on her voice, you knew you had messed up and vowed to listen to the advice of others.

During your hiatus, you still visited the studios using your phone to communicate through text with everyone you encountered. On one such visit, you happen upon your Million Market labelmate Suran. She was your senior but also a good friend who understood your need to work even when you weren’t allowed.

“Oh, Y/N!” Suran waved to you prompting you to do the same.

You would have quickly run over and sprung into conversation with her if it wasn’t for the two men who accompanied her. 

Suran excused herself from the men to shuffle over to you. She was beaming from excitement as she told you all about her current project. “We’re going to go record Changmo’s part. Do you want to come along?”

You nodded immediately aching to be in a familiar environment once more even if it had nothing to do with you.

“Great!” Suran held your hand, pulling you towards the two men who had patiently waited. “Hope you don’t mind I bring along a friend.”

That’s how you met Changmo.

The adorable giant who stole your heart.

“It’s just hard to believe that I finally got to meet you and you can’t speak.” He found it hard to believe that someone with such a strong voice could suddenly lose it. “How long do you have to recover?”

Two weeks. This is the fourth day of the second week. But I will continue hiatus until the end of Spring.

Under your mask, you blushed at the thought of what you wanted to type. Your fingers quickly carried out what you knew you could never voice even if you weren’t sick. 

If you want we can meet next week.

Changmo’s eyes nearly doubled in size as he read it over and over again in disbelief. “Are you asking me out?”

The sudden boldness was gone. You looked away, to the side now self-consciously giving a shy nod.

Your mask covered your blushing face but the moment you turned Changmo caught sight of your ears turning red. How cute, he thought to himself never realizing he too had started to redden.

“Okay.”

That was nearly over a year ago.

Now you two were officially in a relationship. A rapper from Million Market and a rapper/producer from Illionaire... your schedules could not be more different. When your label was bought by SM you found yourself being worked harder than ever before. (I got beef with SM)

Your schedule seemed much more like that of a kpop group idol than a solo hip hop rapper. There were constant trips, tours, fan meetings, advertisements,  sponsorships... many things you had never done. 

“Sorry,” you clung to Changmo as you apologized for the hundredth time. Your plans to stay with him were interrupted when you received notice of your flight change.

Changmo groaned at the loss of your warmth as you pulled away to start changing. “I thought you were leaving tomorrow night.”

“I was but somehow that information got leaked and the company doesn’t want me to be swarmed by the fans so they changed it.” You quickly picked your hair up into a somewhat messy bun knowing the stylist would do something about your tangled tresses later. One last look in the mirror confirmed you looked suitable enough.

When you turned back around you caught your boyfriend pouting. “Awww~” you cooed rounding the bed to his side so you could kiss him. 

Changmo wrapped his arms around your waist bringing you back down onto the bed and rolling over to trap you under him. His lips moving perfectly in tune with yours until there was a need for air. 

“You can’t go.”

“I have to.” Once again he pouted prompting you to kiss him again. “Rockstars don’t pout.”

“Shut up,” he playfully shot back before silencing you with his lips. He did not want to let go of you when he had just gotten you back. “You’re going to get sick if you keep working like this.”

“You work a lot too...” You didn’t like to voice your complains in order to avoid sounding jealous or needy. Even if you knew they were just fans, it was hard sharing your boyfriend with all his fans. “Besides, you won’t miss me when you being recording for Show Me The Money.”

“I always miss you,” he fought back looking offended by your accusation. Even if he was busy Changmo always thought about you, what you were doing, if you had slept well- things like that.

\\\

You went from country to country trying to boost the sales of your new EP Album. It was going great until you began feeling lethargic. More time in the makeup chair was needed to hide all signs of fatigue before going out in public.

“Girl these eyebags,” your stylist commented as she dabbed another layer of concealer.

“I know, don’t even tell me about it.” Your eyes went to your lap where your phone buzzed. The screen lit up with a notification of an incoming text from Changmo. You quickly unlocked the screen and read its contents feeling alive once more. It was like Changmo had read your mind.

Changmo: I miss you

You: I miss you too ❤

True to his word, Changmo missed you during the filming of the show. Often he wished you would be waiting at home for him on those nights when he would arrive late. Even if you were asleep it was comforting to know you were within reach.

It didn’t help that one of the contestants used a beat from one of your new songs that day, bringing attention to his relationship. All he could do was smile proudly at the fact that he was able to see how your hard work paid off. 

Later he learned there were plenty of people around him hoping to meet you.

Changmo: Why are you so popular with younger guys?

You: I am?!?!

Changmo: Even Superbee likes you.

You: He’s the same age as you.

Changmo: How do you know that?

You: Google

Changmo laughed imagining you quickly googling Superbee’s age to make a point. It was interesting how quick you were to google something. There were times when he would ask something trivial out loud and in a matter of seconds you would have an answer for him.

It continued this way for a couple of months. The two of you giving little anecdotes about your day. Sometimes there was nothing to say or no time to say it. The time zones really messed you up.

You: Are you awake?

Changmo: Yeah, it’s only 12:00 here.

You: Oh! It’s already bedtime here.

Changmo: Why aren’t you sleeping?

You: I can’t sleep.

Changmo: You miss me that much?

You: 🙄

Changmo: 💔

\\\

At the end of promotions, you went back home exhausted both mentally and physically. Your sleep cycle was completely out of order as you slept through the day and woke up at night.

It was 6:00 am, the room was encased in the natural soft lighting of a new morning as the sun began to rise steadily in the sky.“Good morning,” Changmo sarcastically bid you as you finally went to bed.

You groaned at the headache that was currently making it hard for you to enjoy the sight of your awakening prince. “I fell asleep in the closet.”

“What were you doing there?” He couldn’t help but laugh.

The two of you shared a giant walk-in closet where you fell asleep as you began unpacking from your trip. It was hard to say when you fell asleep but when you woke up, the back of your head on the hard wooden floor, your back awkwardly molding to the clothes you had spilled out of your suitcase, you knew it had to have been a while.

“I don’t know...” you whined snuggling up to him. 

Changmo was startled by how cold you were. He braved through it to wrap his arms around you and soothe you back to sleep. He hoped you would be able to wake up in a few hours and stop your vampiric sleeping practices.

He stayed in bed as long as he could. It was obvious you were in a deep sleep by the way you lightly began to snore. His fingers grazed your face when he pushed back your hair. 

Once it was 9:00 am he knew he had to get up. “Y/N...” he pressed his soft plush lips against your forehead, “wake up.”

“You wake up-” you muttered, eyes still shut.

“I am but I can’t get up if you keep clinging to me like this.” 

Your hold on him only tightened even adding your legs to the mix, wrapping them around him as if you were a koala and he was your favorite tree. 

“Just stay with me~”

He wanted to but he had a busy schedule so he left.

Pretty soon everyone started to speculate whether you two were still together adding a new talking point to your short conversations.

“Come with me.” Changmo held your hand requesting you to go out with him on an impromptu date.

“I can’t,” you sadly denied. “The company wants me to remain out of the public eye for a little while.” Their goal was to keep from any more unnecessary junk posts online about you.

They thought that if you suddenly appeared with Changmo on the streets it would be admitting that you two had problems and are only going out for publicity’s sake. 

It didn’t sit well with Changmo.

“Who cares.” He didn’t like the changes that came with your label being, in a sense, changed.

Your jaw went slack questioning how he could just admit that. “This is my work- if I don’t follow the rules then...”

Changmo sighed, “I know but this is also about you and me- our personal life.” He let go of your hand but sat down beside you. “I know we’re together so I don’t care what they say online. I just want to be able to take you with me when I go places.”

“Me too but if I don’t follow the rules there could be consequences. What if they are right and a new story blows up about us. They are the ones that have to work hard to handle the backlash.” You just didn’t want to inconvenience anyone other than yourself.

“I’m going on tour soon.”

“I know,” you tried your best to smile.

He just wanted to be with you as long as he could before leaving. “Dating a rapper is hard.,” he concluded.

“I know, right?”

The two of you laughed knowing how the other felt. It wasn’t easy but

“But I love you too much,” Changmo confessed as if he had ever thought about breaking up with you. Even if it was inconvenient or frustrating to squeeze a relationship in between schedules- he would never give it up.

You wrapped your arms around him, clinging onto him tightly as punishment for making your heart race.

“I love you too.”

-end-

A/N: I think this is more fluff but oh well. I just couldn’t bear to make a near-breakup scene for this cutie ^^

[yeoldontknow]

Joyride & Finesse | Chapter 1: Network-King | M

Author’s Note: part of the EXO Customs collaboration with @ninibears-erigom @baekwell--tart @fairyyeols @kyungseokie @suhoerections @skjdln @kpop---scenarios @kimjongdaely | this story features dark themes, including but not limited to: weapons trafficking, gang activity, use of a child for weapons transporting (this is based on the very real activities that occurred in the late 80s/early 90s in Manhattan and the Bronx), PTSD, and graphic depictions of death. Do not read if these topics make you uncomfortable and take the warnings seriously. Pairing: Yixing x Reader (oc; female; eventual) Summary: A brief history of Yixing’s life - if, that is, you can call it a life. | please see series summary for full context Genre: gang!au; action; suspense; drama; smut; au Rating: NC-17 Warnings: weapons trafficking; use of a child for weapons transport; gang activity; car theft; arson; gun use; graphic depictions of blood; graphic depictions of death; explicit sex; unprotected sex; creampie; mentions of pimping; references to PTSD - please take these warnings seriously and do not read if uncomfortable. Word Count: 6,405

Six days after Yixing’s ninth birthday, a man with calloused hands and blood beneath his fingernails promises him a large sum of money. 

Outside his grandfather’s restaurant, the fry cook scrawls an address on an order book, grease stains dotting the paper and smearing the ink. Slung over his left arm, a black backpack, the thick straps adjusted short enough for a child to keep their balance, swings haphazardly, weighted and slow; ominous, but Yixing assumes this is because the pendulum of the clock in his grandmother’s den swings just as slowly, and the swing reminds him he is idle and therefore of not much value. 

The man smiles as he hands him the paper, a slow pull of his cheek loaded with promises and secrets, though not altogether comforting. But Yixing feels the thrill of inclusion as he slides the backpack over his shoulders, grinning alongside these men who tower over him, glad that he has been given a sense of purpose. Beneath the neon green of the restaurant sign, the ruddy brown of blood is highlighted in the crevices of the cook’s fingers, and he wonders if by the end of the night he too will be stained. 

This, he decides, is the colour of initiation, and he feels a sudden thrill in the anticipation of being painted. 

Six blocks down, and the straps begin to rub into his shoulders, irritated as the weigh slides the neck of his shirt down. As he walks, he wonders if it’s books - chef books or recipes from the old land, as his grandmother calls it, secrets that she won’t even tell his mother because she was not from their village. Or, perhaps, he carries wrapped meats, provisions for the restaurant written on the paper, supporting their community the way a family does. 

Thirteen blocks down, and the sting from the backpack is matched only by the intensity of his curiosity. He pauses, leaning against a real estate office that has recently gone up for sale, windows shattered and building looted. Stretching his neck, he debates opening the pack and redistributing the weight, but the note in his hand says to deliver sealed and the way the fry cooks’ arms bulged as he wrote the words reminds him of the heavy way his cleaver never misses a slice, and so he decides to let it be.

The marks, he knows, are probably red, and the longer he walks, the darker they will be. Ruddy and red and powerful. 

When he reaches the back delivery door of the address, sweat has gathered on his brow, and he wipes it quickly away with the back of his wrist. If he appears weak, it is likely the money he receives will be less than promised - he isn’t exactly sure why he thinks this, only that his grandmother has told him weak men buckle when they’re offered opportunity, and he doesn’t want to be deemed anything less. 

Yixing knocks three times on the door before a woman with a severe brow stands in the entryway, eyes glancing through the alley before falling on his face. Mute, she cocks an eyebrow at him as he hands her the order slip, and almost immediately she pulls at the backpack. Her hands do not touch him, expertly sliding it off as though she’s done it before, has had this done to her, and she gestures for him to leave, yelling at him to go home to his mother. 

Confused, he turns to leave before she grabs his hand and slips a folded wad of money into his palm, eyes refusing to meet his before she shuts the door. 

Feeling small and bewildered and utterly insignificant, though not entirely disappointed, Yixing lingers behind the restaurant for a moment before a light in a basement window turns on. From where he stands, he can see the top of the woman’s head as she moves quickly. He shuffles closer, kneeling amongst the bushes for a better look as her hands tug at the zipper of the bag. 

Three black bags, taped closed, are pulled from the pack before it’s thrown to the floor, and Yixing can see the irregular heavy shape the bags take, glad that he was not as weak as he once thought he was. The bags are large, and loaded generously, and he feels proud for carrying such a heavy load so quickly.

She rips open the plastic as another man joins her, taking a bag and doing the same. Yixing blinks, unsure what he’s seeing is true, before he realizes there is no trick of the light and no film crew around him to tell him what he sees is fake.

From the bags, they pull pistols - several pistols - which they line neatly in a row and count, nodding and talking as though negotiating, but Yixing cannot hear them. His eyes fall to the guns, their sleek barrels and the way they gleam in the low light, catching all that is bright and good and absorbing it, without giving anything back. He’s never seen a gun before, only in the movies he watches at night when its past his bedtime, and something about their elegance makes him decide this shade of black is his favourite colour. 

Yixing looks to his palm and counts fifty dollars, exactly the amount he was promised. 

Delighted, he sneaks away from the window and walks with a happy bounce he does his best to contain. He’ll be able to eat for three weeks with this money, and hopes he will soon be given more. 

When Yixing is eleven, he is certain there has never been a girl more beautiful than Baozhai.

She is unafraid to laugh loudly, to beat the boys at sports, to fight for what she believes in, and to smile widely even though her teeth are not entirely straight. Her calligraphy is not the best, neither elegant nor clean, but it is committed and diligent, and he supposes these are her most important traits. From across the room during Sunday Chinese school, he watches and wonders what it would be like to sit next to her.

Would they talk about her father, and the deliveries he makes for him? Would they talk about his calligraphy, and the way he can never seem to get his strokes at the correct angle? Would they talk about the flowers she wears in her hair, a different one for everyday, and how he thinks she is always in bloom? Yixing is eleven, and is already happy to surrender the topic of conversation to keep her happy, assuming this is real love because he simply wants to keep her close. 

The first words she ever says to him make his blood run hot, mouth running dry and stopping him from formulating a coherent reply. 

‘I went to your family’s restaurant the other night,’ she says, walking home beside him after class because Meixing got a ride home and she lingered a little too long by the bike rack looking for her friends and Yixing smiled, a sign of companionship. ‘It was really good.’

Yixing stares at her, wide eyed as a blush creeps into his cheeks. In the cold winter of the sunlight, he’s sure it’s obvious he is not warm, that it is she who has turned him pink, but he does not care. He can’t care, because she giggles, and he’s glad he is the reason she made any sound at all. 

‘Next time I go, you should be there,’ she continues, watching her feet as she walks, tip of her shoes kicking at upturned stones. ‘We can study together.’ 

Yixing nods, amazed that luck smiles on boys who move guns from place to place for money, and who learned their fractions by helping their fry cook weigh cocaine. When she smiles, Yixing doesn’t have time to feel badly he wasn’t there the first night she went, only excited that he will get to be there the next time and the next time, sitting in his favourite booth towards the back and showing her the way he learned the calligraphy for flower just because of her.

‘I’d like that a lot,’ he manages, sounding small and childish and very unlike the man he feels he is between the hours of 9PM and midnight. ‘Name the day and I’ll be there.’

Baozhai turns the corner after letting her hand rest on his shoulder, her fingers giving a light squeeze full of hope and expectation and affirmation, and Yixing feels it all the way home. The child in the air bites at his cheeks, but still cannot take the warmth from her palm. 

And he feels it the rest of the night, as he walks in the foreboding darkness towards her father’s woodworking shop, backpack slung over his shoulders. He feels it as he sits with her father, counting the guns - revolvers, this time - and learns the fastest way to remove serial numbers from the metal. He feels it as the joints in his fingers burn from the effort of scratching and scratching and scratching, the muscles in his face aching just as much from the effort of wearing his smile.

He feels it even as she walks into her father’s shop, eyes falling on Yixing before going wide and skin taking on the ashen pallor of shock. 

Glancing from Yixing to her father and back again, she lingers in the doorway, knowledge and understanding narrowing her eyes and her expression into one of disgust. He wants to speak, wants to call her name and say he only does it for the money, only does it because it’s something to do, but she turns from him, back full of steel and posture straight as she leaves the shop and shuts the door. 

He doesn’t feel it after that, can hardly even remember the thrill of it. 

Baozhi never talks to him again, and he supposes luck, for boys like him is a fleeting, brief experience, one he was never meant to carry. 

Yixing is thirteen when he learns how to drive in a stolen car. 

His cousin, Longwei, sits beside him in the passenger seat, laughing and laughing until his eyes become crescent moons, as Yixing’s harsh right turns leave donut scars in the empty parking lot. Hands gripping the wheel tightly, letting the vibration of the steering wheel turn his knuckles white, Yixing does not ask where or how or why Longwei has delivered him this Porsche, but he assumes it does not matter. Longwei has no intention of keeping it, anyway.

It took years for Yixing to get his calligraphy right, years for him to master the art of stealing from his mother without her noticing, and weeks, if he’s being generous, to learn how to pickpocket without his fingers moving the air. But in driving, he realizes, he is a natural. Here, he does not need to take his time or take instructions twice. Here, he does not have to be shy, no longer hiding the fact that he flourishes so quickly at something; even though he is not yet tall enough and must sit on a pile of his school books; even though his foot only just touches the pedals; even though he revs the engine and does not bother to quiet the shrill yell of pleasure that reverberates in his chest. 

He’s being foolish, but in this moment he realizes he makes his own rules. And here, in the driver’s seat of a car that will soon disappear - gutted clean or shipped away or simply just vanishing - he understands the difference between being granted a purpose and finally making your way <i>home.</i>

‘I knew you would like this,’ Longwei tells him over the roar of the engine, and the joints in Yixing’s fingers become sore, lips curling into a smile he’s certain appears savage. ‘I did this for you.’

Yixing’s smile falls. People don’t do things for him. People, he knows, don’t do things unless it benefits them in some way, unless they get safety or satisfaction or a piece of your spirit to carry with them, and he slows down, cautious - not of the road, but of his cousin. It’s the first time he notices the gleam in Longwei’s eyes, how vindictive a sparkle can truly be when motive is misplaced from kindness. 

Longwei is family. Longwei will not hurt him. But already, he feels things being taken from him, feels the brief essence of boyhood slipping away from his grasp before he’s even put the car in park. 

One year later, in a parking lot not unlike the one in which he learned how to drive, Yixing watches his cousin die.

It’s the first time he’s seen a gun being pointed at a body, and it alarms him to realize the first thing he notices - beyond the fact that it is being pointed at Longwei; beyond the fact that the stranger in front of them states, calmly and altogether too gently, that he will not leave until he sees blood - is the serial number has been scratched off. Idly, he wonders if he’s touched this gun, if it was his hand that removed the details - the only thing that could trace this moment back to the man whose confidence in the hold of the gun dictates that he has done this before. 

‘Do you know what happens to tigers when they take things that don’t belong to them?’ the man says, reaching through the car window and gripping Longwei’s shirt.

He presses the gun against Longwei’s stomach, and Yixing waits, unflinching, expecting his cousin to fight, to flip this scenario around, to do something other than whimper and tremble, but he does not. “I did this for you,” Longwei’s voice echoes from the back of Yixing’s mind. A full year under his cousin’s wing, and Yixing has lost count of all the things they’ve done together - all the things Longwei has shown and given and delivered, without price or consequence. 

Five years older than Yixing, and Longwei has gone through a great deal to ensure Yixing could remain at his side - losing friends and permanently in the state of earning trust; keeping one eye on him and one eye on the road in front of him; bringing him home first even if, through the chill of the air and the hairs that stood on end along their arms, they knew they were being followed. He stole cars and money and bags full of things he would never let Yixing see, but in surviving, he did not put forth any effort. 

His cousin shakes his head. ‘Please, he’s just a kid -’

It’s the last thing he ever hears Longwei say, and in that moment Yixing is unsure if he’s ever heard his cousin say the word please. He’s still mulling over the sound, the shock and the unusual cadence of it, before the echo of the word is cut off and severed.

‘They get poached.’

He’s familiar with the barrel of a pistol, has touched and cradled and scratched into them, but never has he heard them. Longwei screams, he’s sure of it, but still he does not hear it. Yixing thinks he may never hear anything ever again. 

Four gunshots ring out and the noise of it makes his blood run cold, ears taking on a ring that turns his vision fuzzy. Longwei falls limp, eyes glassy and staring straight ahead, empty and unfocused and gone. Yixing waits for him to move, for Longwei to smile and say this was a moment for him to learn - a reminder never to leave your window down, to never let your guard down. But he does not move. 

Beside him, the door is ripped open, though Yixing does not remember leaving it unlocked. Hands grab him, pull him out of the passenger seat and drag him into the parking lot. His arms are held behind his back while the man smiles and cocks his head to the side, smiling and smiling, while Yixing breathes through his open mouth, unwilling to smell his cousin’s blood on the air. The symbol of a dragon is stitched into the man’s beanie, and Yixing’s eyes trace the pattern over and over, hoping to erase everything but the caricature and the symbolism from this moment. 

‘Put his hands all over it.’

The command hardly moves the craters in his face, scars and red marks turning his skin tight and waxy. At this angle, he almost appears to be burning alive from beneath his flesh, consumed by wrath and rage. 

Yixing is thrust forward, his left arm extended against his will and he fights the hold, yelling and battling, suddenly awake and aware. Laugher surrounds him, but the ringing in his ears only warps this sound into a painful resonance, one that makes Yixing scream in the hopes of forcing the world into silence. The gun is placed into his ungloved hand, fingers wrapped around its glossy metal and stained with his prints. 

He’s pushed forward again, his right hand dragged over the handle of the passenger door before a hair - several hairs - are ripped from his head and dropped into the seat. They are framing him for this, placing traces of him everywhere, ensuring that - even if it took weeks, or months, or years - he would be found, and found guilty. 

They abandon him not long after, leaving him alone with the smell of piss and shit and blood and bullet casings. The sun has just begun to set when Yixing finds the energy to move, away from the car and towards a gas station he spots on the side of the road half a mile away. Face expressionless, he uses the last of the cash in his wallet to buy a container of gasoline and a lighter, turning briskly on his feet without accepting his change.

He knows this looks suspicious.

He does not care.

As he pours the gas over the floor, the seats, his cousin - opening the hood and the trunk and pouring a generous amount there, too - he considers how much the burn of his closeness to this inferno will hurt. He wonders if he will hear it - he hasn’t heard anything in the hours it took him to walk away and back again, gladdened that he’s gone completely numb to existence, and hoping that the sensuousness of existence never returns again. 

He’s clear headed this way. Nothing, he thinks, has ever been so linear.

He tosses the lighter into the car and walks just far enough to be out of arm's reach of the heat before turning around and watching, with little awe or emotion, the car sizzle and smoke not unlike a bonfire. Even from this distance, the smell of burning flesh eats at his nose hairs, burning his sinuses with its sourness, but he breathes it in deep. 

Unsure how long he remains, eventually he walks away, long before the fire has a chance to reach the full tank of gas, long before any residual explosion gives away the history of this night, and long before he has the opportunity to consider joining his cousin.

“I did this for you,” Longwei had said.

Yixing wonders if it was worth it.

It is raining the day they bury his grandmother. 

It is raining and he is sixteen, anxiously standing on the precipice of becoming a man and wholly unprepared to be gifted a crown. 

He keeps his eyes trained on the ground, regarding hole in the earth that swallows the remains of her body and the barren waste he considers his memories of her body with a dry mouth and a shallow grimace. Occasionally, he finds himself distracted by the black umbrellas that blot the sea of white clothing, glad for their contrast against the flower arrangements that surround them.

Digging his feet into the squelching grass, hoping to break the silence of the grief that wallows in the overcast clouds, he feels, neither reassuringly nor supportively, the eyes of Kyungsoo as they bore into his spine, an announcement that someone is there for him and not for the woman who taught men to fear. He does not turn around, aware that the distance Kyungsoo keeps is crucial to maintaining the delicate pretense of peace, but he is glad for someone, anyone, he could consider a friend after everyone excluding family - a loose, vague term that made him chew at his tongue - was denied visitation. 

But Kyungsoo remains, standing across the street and on an entirely different plot of land, silently threatening a war just by witnessing their pain, an Yixing is glad for the danger of it. 

Yixing’s mother weeps when they return home, settling on the couch beside his father as her empty eyes scan the room, aware she is being greeted without greeting anyone in return. Her posture remains rigid and his father’s hand holds hers as if posing for a portrait, conscious of the eyes on their bodies and holding her against him in an awkward show of companionship, mimicking the affection he has witnessed in the threads of humanity he has bothered to notice.

Yixing settles against a hard, wooden chair in the kitchen, eyeing the food that has been brought for them from family, and family, and family, without feeling any appetite, wishing instead he could be somewhere he did not have to feign anguish or loss. The white of his shirt is still dotted with rain when three men approach him, and he studies the yellowed marks they leave in the fabric, choosing to ignore the imposing figures he assumes are loitering to extend, once again, their condolences.

Instead, they sit before him, dragging stools from the bartop counter and placing themselves directly in his vision. They tell him a lot of things - a lot of dark, and terrible, and horrible things he imagines other sixteen year old boys would struggle to stomach. But he’s held guns; and burned a body; and learned not to cry at the sound of a bullet tearing organs; and lost the will to love freely, and he supposes these things are harder for anyone to hear than the fact that their grandmother was the leader of a Triad group from Shanghai, the Tiger of the blackmarket, and her throne belongs to him.

‘You’re going to be in charge of a lot of money, kid,’ one of them says, envy evident behind his speech. 

He would later learn this man’s name is Bing Wen, and he is not incorrect. A large sum of money, much larger than he can comprehend, will soon be transferred to his name. And, at the shock and awe of the sheer magnitude of it, he will go to his grandmother’s grave and curse her for keeping his family so poor. 

But not yet. 

In this moment, Yixing only looks at them, eyeing them suspiciously as he dips his finger into a plate of peppered chicken, collecting the oil and rubbing it over his bottom lip. It stings against his skin, tiny tingles of pain grounding him to this reality as his mind remains empty, the scent of incense mixing with pepper and the implication of their words. He likes money, and he likes power, but most of all he likes the look on people’s faces when he stands before them unafraid to die and absolutely unafraid to watch them die. 

Yixing is sixteen, and he decides this kind of authority could be fun.

Yixing is sixteen. And at sixteen, he becomes a king. 

Yixing’s network makes nine thousand dollars on his eighteenth birthday, which is coincidentally the day he learns it is easier to chase pleasure between a woman’s thighs than it is to chase money. The start of this day looks absolutely nothing like the way it ends, and he is glad to be a chameleon, fitting into whatever shape the world requires of him.

Today, a knife was held to someone’s throat because Yixing demanded it. Today, a shipment as organized back to Shanghai - a warning and a threat for anyone who dares challenge him again. Today, he pressed cocaine against his gums, celebrating his good fortune with a brief bump, and got paid in crisp bills for the quality of his product.

And tonight, he recognizes the way women smile when he speaks, aware that he is someone worthy of being noticed.

There’s something addictive about the feeling of money in his pocket, a sense of power and pride rooting itself in the base of his spine. He stands taller, walks faster, shoulders rolled back and expecting the air to part for him. Weeks before his coming of age, he noticed women would smile when he spoke, heads cocking to the side as if bewildered by the sound of his voice, and now he decides to use the magic of beautiful boyhood to his advantage.

He is honey, and he knows it, an aphrodisiac hit that makes women lick their lips as they spread their legs - only slightly in the hopes that he will see it and, better yet, want it - as they recline in their chairs, waiting to be taken. It’s no different tonight, and, perhaps, the money and the manhood he carries amplifies his transcendence. A thin lipped woman lounges against the couch, puffing her chest to ensure he notices the perky roundness of her breasts beneath her tube top, skin warm and shimmering from the summer heat. 

Across from her, Yixing eyes the length of her body, cock stirring to a semi-hard state as he regards the yellow undertones of her lips. He wonders if her pussy looks just as golden, if it would part with the same ease as the air if he spread her with his thumbs, and his tongue runs dry, wanting to suck her clean. 

Sensing his arousal, she rises to a stand and does not bother to straighten her skirt, letting the smooth length of her thighs remain on display. Tying her hair back, Yixing watches with a placid expression as her breasts lift with the effort, top moving with them to expose her midriff, unashamed of letting him look before he tastes her against his teeth. 

They disappear into a bedroom, the bed full of coats and boxes which he pushes to the floor as he bites languidly at the tendons in her neck. She steps out of his arms, pushing her skirt down to her feet before removing her top, cocking her head to the side when she stands, naked and refusing blush, and notices Yixing remains fully clothed.

Quirking an eyebrow at him, she smirks. ‘Are you scared, pretty boy?’

It’s the first time he’s been asked this question, and he almost falters. Even when he was nine years old and men with murder on their lips handed him a backpack, they did not bother to ask if he felt fear - up until this moment, he did not think he had a choice. 

‘I’m not sure I know how that feels,’ he replies, honestly, a smile tucked into the corner of his mouth.

She shrugs, turning to lay down on the bed and spreads her legs, idly rubbing a finger over her clit to keep herself wet. ‘Man’s first inhibition is always being naked in front of a pretty girl.’ 

Yixing chuckles, letting his expression darken at her confidence. ‘You have a high opinion of yourself.’

‘You’re here because you want to feel like a man,’ she reasons, arching her back as she slips the tip of her middle finger between her folds. ‘I’m allowed to interpret that however I want to make sure we both get off.’

‘Looks like it’s just you,’ he counters, licking his lips as her eyes flutter closed momentarily, and nodding in the direction of her wet cunt.

‘I’ve never seen you with a woman.’ Her words are carried on a high pitched breath, her own mouth curved into a blissful smile. ‘Word is you’ve never done this and I want to make sure I can come. It’ll be over quick.’

Yixing undresses slowly, hypnotized by the movements of her fingers and studying the motions. She maintains a steady rhythm with two fingers, and he wonders how much better she would feel if it was his hand, if those were his long fingers - he wonders how he would feel, how much pride he would take in filling her with himself. 

When he settles between her thighs, she wraps her small hand around his cock and guides him to her entrance. He braces himself above her, unsure what to do with his weight, but the feel of her hand around his girth and the silky entrance rubbing wetness over his tip is enough to have his thighs already shaking. Now, he understands what she meant by saying this will be over quick. 

‘Stay like that,’ she commands, releasing her hand from his cock and the base of her palm against her clit as she fingers herself. The spread and movement of her folds makes Yixing’s arms shake, and he latches his mouth around one of her nipples to distract himself. Arching into him, she holds his hip with her free hand, keeping him still as she lets her sensitive nipple be teased to a hardened nub, bringing herself closer and closer to release. 

Eventually, she moves both her hands to the flesh of his ass, and nods as she pushes him inside. 

The tight warmth of her walls around his cock has his eyes rolling back, biceps trembling as he thrusts messily into her. It takes only a few thrusts before he comes, spilling into her as he chokes back a moan and keeps himself quiet. She laughs as she comes, slightly and vaguely, not nearly enough to be satisfied. Even as he collapses against her, she writhes beneath him, weaseling her hand between their bodies and guides herself to the full bloom of an orgasm. Her walls clench rapidly around his softening cock, and he relishes the sensation of the pleasure mixing with discomfort. 

It feels, he supposes, much the same as knowing men die for the money he earns. 

‘You’ll be a natural,’ she says, pulling her hand away from her wetness and running them over his lips. He sucks at the tips, brow furrowing at the slight bitterness of her flavor. ‘You didn’t crush me with your weight. Most guys are shit at that the first time.’

Yixing says nothing, thinking on sex and pleasure, driving and working, the market he runs and the sensation of his come dripping from her cunt. 

He’s a natural at a lot of things, a lot of grim and horrific things, and he’s glad sex is just as messy as money. 

It means he doesn’t have to learn to be careful. In this, he is just as natural as driving.

You buy your freedom on the night Yixing leases his first McLaren Coupe. He does this with money, credit if he’s being honest, fully intending never to give the car back. You do this with a knife to the stomach of your pimp - a knife to his stomach, his chest, and his dick - fully intending never to go back. 

He turns off Main Street, driving along the river and expecting to run into Baekhyun, hoping to watch as jealousy seeps into his irises and to pull away before his palms can mark the hood with his prints. Tonight, he wants to pretend - pretend that this is his car to keep, that his life is as simple as expensive metal and carbon put together with the sole purpose of moving fast. He’d like a life like that, existing without thought and without care, he thinks, and he wants the pink and passionate smile that always forms on Baekhyun’s lips when he teases to help him along with the fantasy.

Instead, he sees you. 

He’s unsure how you’ve made it so far, but given the state of you he imagines that the people who have seen you have given you a wide berth. Pulling up ahead, Yixing parks the car and watches you approach in his side mirror. He recognizes you from high school, neither popular nor an outcast you were merely someone quiet, another face in the crowd that did not bother to make themselves known. You kept to yourself, and now he wonders what crowd wound up keeping you.

The blood smears on your thighs have dried, turning a muddy brown beneath the ripped denim of your shorts, and splotches on your neck mean you have witnessed something messy. Arms crossed over your chest, your eyes remain empty as you walk, neither looking around you nor in front of you, seeing through space as you walk and walk, jaw set like iron in the effort of keeping yourself moving.

Resting his head against the seat, he closes his eyes and hums, conflicted. This is breaking every rule he has ever sent for himself and for his team - you never pull over for someone, you never stop, you always move, and you never give pause. But he knows you, and he knows how it looks to have seen someone die. He recognizes the features of his fourteen year old self in yours, sees Junmyeon's hollowed expression in your unfocused vision, and he knows that death will always catch up to those who face it alone.

And so, he gets out, leaving the door open and calling your name.

'Y/N.'

You pause in front of him, looking around for others to follow close behind, and when they don't you fix your gaze back on him, the fierce heat of it enough to make him bite his tongue.

'Get in the car,' he offers, keeping his voice calm. 'I can keep you safe.'

He's not sure why you comply, but you do, wringing the blood stained slickness of your fingers together. Yixing's eyes follow the movements as he cats glances away from the road to your trembling hands, and when he stops at a light he reaches to the glove compartment and pulls out a rag. It's meant to clean his prints from the wheel before he sells this car off to some unassuming, overexcited college student, turning a profit and turning away from the situation altogether, but he supposes you need it more. And you certainly need it to not stain the interior.

'That's not my name anymore,' you mumble, wiping and wiping at your skin.

Yixing keeps his eyes trained on the road, knowing not to look at someone who feels raw enough to take a life.

'No?' is all he says, accepting your truth for what you need it to be.

'It's Eve.'

Yixing nods, turning the corner to take you to his house, still unsure why he chose to do this at all.

'Did he decide that for you?' he questions, noticing the purple bruises on your arms as you press the cloth into your skin.

'No.' It's the loudest you've been, the full richness of your voice catching him off guard. 'I did, right after I watched the life fade from his eyes.'

Yixing nods, rebranding you at the same time he considers the sheer consequence of you. You are a bad idea - all of you, from the death and the mess and the baggage are a thing that runs the risk of weighing him down. But he knows, inherently, that you won't.

However long you spent under the wing of a man who pressed himself against your body in the hopes of breaking your soul was not enough to ruin you, choosing instead to break his flesh with your bare hands. You are resourceful. You are smart - uncoordinated and full of risk, but smart enough to know the only person anyone can fully trust is themselves. And you are unafraid, prepared to burn the world so long as it ensures your survival.

You are a bad idea.

At twenty, Yixing is addicted to bad ideas, and the idea of you is full of promise.

It’s a cloudless night towards the end of August when Yixing finds himself, twenty-one and standing on Junmyeon's porch, preparing to make promises. The chill in the breeze ensures summer's end, the oncoming storm of September and plans and change carried with the wind, and he grits his teeth as he considers his assets. 

Dongkyu’s death is an unspeakable loss, the kind that puts tangible grief in the air and reminds Yixing of the ash he tasted when he burned his cousin’s body, and he wonders how he’d be now if someone had promised to help with revenge. He knows how that feels, the fire it puts in your veins and seemingly endless drive that pushes and pushes and pushes until you don’t recognize yourself in the mirror anymore. You felt it too, still feel it sometimes when you wake up screaming and scratching at your skin, remembering the way men pushed themselves inside you and demanded that you feel them. 

Yixing thinks if there’s anyone who understands Junmyeon, its you and him. 

It takes a long while for Junmyeon to answer the door after he rings the doorbell, and he’s surprised that he’s the first one here. Sun set hours ago, his first stop of the night a shipping container by the airport where he picked up guns and drugs and a car he gutted with Huang. But his eyes do not droop with tiredness. He wanted the adrenaline push of the job to lead him here, ready and wired and feeling in control before the details of death turn him cold. 

When Junmyeon opens the door, he doesn’t need to say anything - he doesn’t even extend his arms for a hug or extend his condolences, Junmyeon simply knows. He’s ragged and hollow, but alight just the same, blood boiling with a vengeance that Yixing feels against his skin like electricity. 

The air burns with change, and they - eyeing one another wholly aware and wholly prepared to tear the world down - burn with a rage that will set their futures in motion. 

Yixing is twenty-one when he crosses the threshold into Junmyeon’s house, already a king, and a man, and a god, and finds himself becoming a brother.

[not-ur-normie]

The demon brothers as a kpop group (+ Diavolo)

Hey there! This is my very first headcanon thingy, so i would like to apologise for my bad english, its not my mother language. Also, it was so long ago when i last wrote anything similar in english, so once again, sorry. 

Anyway, i really wanted to write it, so let me know if you like it! + If you want general group headcanons with them as a kpop group, pls let me know it as well! (Or a similar one with Simeon, Luke and Solomon, hehe) Love! 

The demon brothers as a kpop group (+Diavolo)

DIAVOLO - The CEO of the company - It was the main goal in all his life to see Lucifer shining on stage - Okay, not, actually he only knows Lucifer since a shitty survival program - I mean, Lucifer is already hiper super extra giga mega beautiful in his eyes, but! Lucifer! on! stage! is the main Lucifer - So he maid a company for him - Lucifer was like 'wtf dID U DO' (okay, he didnt say it in this way, but-) - He is an understanding boss - Doesnt plan to debut any other group, so his company wont suck lol - Has all the money only for the bois - Altho he is really kind and understanding, he expects the guys to work extra hard do achive success - Sometimes goes to variety shows with his group and acting like a proud dad around them - Fans say that he is the 8th member of the group - Has his own fansites - Sometimes does modelling (has a duo photoshoot with Lucifer which he is extra proud of and some of its pieces are on his wall in a big canvas) - Fans ship him with Lucifer (not suprising) - He bought two houses next to each other. One is his and the other is the guys'. - Has a cameo in one of the mvs of the group - Does acting, has a lots of main roles - He is POPULAR

LUCIFER - Leader of the group - Also dad of the group (i mean if you dont count Diavolo) - He and the others participated in a survival program, but didnt make it - Got kicked out of their prev company - Thats when Diavolo became a fan of him and decided on founding one for him - Lucifer only agreed on joining if his teammeat could go too - Most popular in the group - Does everything Diavolo asks him to do - Makes the guys practicing till morning - Barely sleeps - Also does acting - Really bad at doing fanservice - Extremely caring towards fans - Always makes sure that the fans are doing okay, writes short messages on fancafe, uploads pictures (never about himself) on ig and twitter and reminds fans to take care of themselfs - Staying up super late to read fancafe letters from fans - Gives special attention to communicate with fans - However... He shamlessly blocks fans who upload meme pics about him or hurt his pride - HE IS SERIOUS - Thanks to this, fans never EVER mock him - Has a solo album - Won against his own group once in a music show (Levi said how it was not fair and Satan was pissed) - Never dyed his hair and never will - According to some poll, he is one of the most handsome men in kpop - He hates fanwars and when there is one, he tells the fans to stop  - He also hates rumors

MAMMON - He wanted to became a worldwide idol so he can get more money - Actually he was really bad at everything when he joined that survival program - Fans started to love him bc of his hard work (((for the money))) - Always forgets their own choreography - The whole fandom jokes about how stupid he is - He is always truly offended and scolds the fans on vlive - Fans make memes out of him and love dissing him - Fans think he is super cute and he is loveing it - LOVES fansigns but always blushes if he needs to hold hands with fans - Tries to act tough anyway - Cries in every. fkin. concert. (giving birth to new memes lol) - Once made a "joke" about how fans should donate him money instead of giving presents and it became a HUGE scandal, Lucifer and Diavolo deadass wanted to kick him out of the group - Does vlive a lot bc he loves talking about everything: how he bought a new car, new shoes, how he wanted to prank Lucifer with Satan and how they failed blah blah and so on - He is that member with zero lines, but has fair screentime - Modelling and super popular - Tried acting bc "he is too good at everything" but failed (he is not too good, but too shy lol) - The loudest member - Variety shows love him thanks to his idiotism - He says he is the "cutie sexy" member of the team - Once a fan started crying in front of him at a fansign out of happiness and Mammon was so touched he started crying as well

LEVIATHAN - His nickname is Leviachan for a reason - Fans know how much of an otaku he is so they always buy him anime related stuff and LEVI IS TRULY HAPPY ALL THE TIME - He even post about his presents at twitter and ig - Does gameplay vlives - Also has a youtube channel where he uploads every kind of videos: gameplays, gameplays, anime reviews, manga recommendations, gameplays, videos about his Ruri-chan collection, gamplays... and more gameplays - Uploaded a video where he and Mammon tried to snake into Lucifer's room to film him while he is asleep, but got caught and Lucifer started to shout at them - He needed to deletet it bc Lucifer wanted to kill him for publishing it - Fans didnt reupload out of fear from Lucifer - Shy at fansigns but compfy with old fans and fansites - Doing cosplay - At the begining he was reather shy on stage, but since he got used to it... aegyo all the way - Loves when they promote in Japan - In variety shows when the mcs ask him about his hobbies he always ends up talking too much, so to others need to stop him - According to fans, he has e-boy vibes - He is the one who posts everything thats happening with them on twitter, so the fans really ALWAYS know whats up whit the guys - Once accidentally tweeted out their hotel room numbers and fans found them (Lucifer was hella angry)

SATAN - Mom of the group, even if he hates it - Like if Lucifer is the dad, no way that he is the mom - Also prince of the group - Has good vocals but can rap too - Writes lyrics - Started acting bc he was sure he is better than Lucifer - Won an award for his main role in a detective series - Has a whole collection of books bought by fans - Gets angry easily which is the reason why fans often mock and make memes about him - Reads the messages fans send him and replies; sometimes its only a heart, sometims its advice or kind words - Came up with the groups greeting - According to the other members fansites, he is so handsome that its hard to not take pictures of him - Thanks to this, all the others fansites have at least two posts about him - Fans going insane when he starts smiling - Plays the guitar - Multilanguage king - Cant do fanservice - Literally hates fanservice - Once in Weekly Idol, him and Lucifer needed to hold hands and say nice things to each other after the others told the mcs how awkward their relationship is - That was the worst moment in his entire life - Wanna do a solo album, but didnt have the chance yet (Diavolo promisd him tho) - He has th best fashion sense after Asmo - Has a cat in the dorm and the fans love it like its their own - He has a great memory, so he remembers the names of the fans who attended their fansigns at least two times 

ASMODEUS - Main vocal of the group - Self claimed visual of the group - He posts the most, almost everyday - Loves doing make up - The most fashionable member - A big ass diva - Went to king of masked singer but didnt win it - Has a solo album - He loVES FANSERVICE, HE LIVES FOR IT - With members, with fans, it doesnt really matter - The best at fansigns, he is so direct - Hold hands with fans, gives hugs, let them touch him - On the groups YouTube channel, he has this special segment called "Asmo cam" - He shows whats happening in backstage during promotions - Designed their debut album's look - Also designed the lightstick - Complains to the stylists if he dislikes an outfit - MCing - Reads the fanfictions fans write about the group and teases the members with it - Doing shower vlives, where there is only voice, so the fans can hear him singing in the shower (he also brags about how beautiful he is and how unlucky his fans not seeing the full beauty of his body) - If a fan post about him saying dirty things, he will reply with even more dirtyer stuff - Most of his fans are hard stans

BEELZEBUB - Maybe i am headcanoning it wrong, but for me Beelzebub is a rapper - The only reason he is not part of the aegyo line bc he never does aegyo but naturally cute enough for fans to cry over his cuteness - He is so sad that fans mustnt give him food in fansigns, but Diavolo is against it out of fear of some antifan trying to poison them - Mukbang videos - Mukbang shows love and hate him at the same time - Eating everywhere and everytime - He even eats at the middle of concerts - Fans have a bunch of memes about him - According to fans, he is like a big puppy who must be protected by all costs - All cool and serious on stage, all cuddly and cutie off stage - Main dancer of the group, always helps with the choreographys - Has an own restaurant, where fans can buy his fav foods... And there is a lot of that - One of the sweetest bubs in fansigns, he is easygoing and thanks to this its not hard to talk to him - Fans dieing to see him take off his shirt, but it havent happend yet - In one of his birthday lives Mammon dropped his cake out of accident and HE WAS SUPER SAD - Most of his social media post are about food. What he ate, whats he wanna eating, what he recommends eating, notes to fans to dont forget to eat - Fans never tell him to dont forget to eat, bc they know he wouldnt - Fans ship him with Asmo and Belphie - Loves tours bc he can eat a lot of delicious food around the world

BELPHEGOR - Devil maknae - Makes fun of his hyungs, but loves them endlessly - Sleeps in backstage all the time; while his make up is done, while his hair is done, why waiting for rehearsal - Lucifer has the hardest time with him if it comes to practice - I mean, Belphie deadass can fall asleep the middle of some choreo - Didnt love doing agyeo, but fans are over the moon if he does, so he is doing it often - He doesnt have a fixed role in the group, sometimes he sings and sometimes he raps - One of the best dancers, but he is too lazy to show his full potential - He often falls asleep while doing vlives - Once in an ig live he told the fans that it doesnt bother him that they have haters, bc he hates the haters as well - He barely posts on social media; if there are pictures about him, they are mostly from the other members (especially from Beel) - He has a super big pillow he got from a fan to his birthday when he was still a trainee and this is his favourite pillow - He is the one with zero solo activity, bc if he has free time he reather sleeps than going to shoot something

Feel free to add anything that comes into your mind!

[readbeneaththelines]

Captured Moments Pt. 1

A/N: You are an artist given the chance to work with BigHit Ent. as their Creative Art Director. Getting to spend time with BTS, you form a friendship with them. But With Namjoon, could it grow into something more?

Characters: Namjoon x Artist!Reader

Warnings: The Fluffiest Fluff, and soft Namjoon

Word Count: 4149 (The first one is always the longest for me LOL)

Thank you to the amazing @kingsuckjin for being an awesome person and being a beautiful beta! You rock you sexy thing you!

credit to the original owner of this gif

The dream job, the one that you have worked towards all your life. The artistic creator for one of the biggest Kpop groups in the world. You would have the opportunity to share your love of art, use your creative freedom, and hang out with seven of the most beautiful men you had ever seen. 

You had, since you could ever remember, always had an art implement in your hands. Whether it be a crayon, pencil, or paintbrush, you were always drawing and coloring, everything. That left the world your canvas, including the white walls of your house, much to the dismay of your parents. Of course they encouraged you, just not using the walls, to create and dream. You were talented enough to earn a full ride to the college of your dreams, Seoul National University. You spent the next 5 years studying your ass off, improving, growing, finding your niche in the art world. Your final year of graduate school, the Dean of the Arts College, Moon Joo, came to you. “Y/N, I have had brought to my attention a position for an artistic creator. It would involve set designing, artistic creativity, and working one on one with clients. I have watched you for the past five years, and I see in you a great potential. I would like to ask you to apply for the position.” You eyes grew wide as you listened to the praises of Dean Moon, excitement building at the prospect of finally having the chance to prove yourself to the world. “Yes sir! I am honored that you considered me for the position. What will I need to prepare?” He smiled at you, his caring demeanor showing throw his usually tough exterior. “I have already taken the incentive and sent your portfolio over to the company. If you gain the position, you should be hearing something from them within the week. 

A week? Your heart pounded, a slight twinge of anxiety settling in your brain. You possible future rested on your portfolio. Would it express who you were? Was it enough to give them insight to the passion that filled every fiber of your being? Taking a deep breath, you thanked the Dean and hurried down the corridor to your private studio. Fumbling for your cellphone, you pulled it from the bottom of your bag, hit call on your parents number.

“Hello?” a sleepy voice answered. “Shit! Sorry dad. I wasn’t thinking, I really didn’t mean to wake you.” you rushed your words, excited to share the news. “Is everything okay, sweetie?” his voice full of worry. “Yes! Yes dad, everything is great. I will call you later, when you are both up, I have something good to tell you.” You could hear your dad waking your mother. “It’s okay, hun, we’re up now. So what is this big news that you forgot the time difference?”  You took a deep breath as he put the call on speakerphone. “I have been recommended by Dean Moon for a possible artistic creator for a company here in Seoul! He sent my portfolio over to them and I should hear something within the week!” You couldn’t contain the giggles that erupted as you told your parents. “This may be my big break!” You heard your mom in the background, laughing at your giddy excitement. “Congratulations sweetheart. We can’t wait to hear that you got the position. Now, we are going back to sleep, but we will call you later. We love you, and we are so happy for you Y/N.” 

“Thanks, mom! Yes, get back to sleep, i’ll talk to you later, love you both.” You hung up, putting your phone on your desk. Picking up the charcoal pencil, you took a long stare at the blank canvas before putting the pencil to work, the image in your mind flowing seamlessly through your fingers. Two hours later, you had the outline created, a face of a small girl, smiling as she herself was drawing a picture. Scooting your stool back, you dusted yourself off, pleased with what you were seeing. Looking at the time, you hurriedly put your supplies away and headed to your next class. 

The next week had you always on your toes, every phone call making your heart race and jumping to grab it. Four days, nine hours and thirty-six minutes after your talk with Dean Moon, you received the call you had been anticipating. 

“Hello? Y/N Y/L/N speaking.” you were worried about the tone of worry in your voice, but it was quickly replaced with pure joy.

“”Yes, Miss Y/N, this is Bang Si-Hyuk, with BigHit Entertainment. I am calling in reference to your portfolio that was submitted for the position of artistic creator. I would like to extend an invitation to interview with myself and the board in person.”

BigHit Entertainment? Did you hear him correctly? Surely, this isn’t The BigHit of BTS. You almost forgot that ‘Hitman’ Bang was on the other end of the call. “Yes sir! Thank you sir. Just tell me the when and where, and I will be there.” You were given one day to prepare for the interview that would possibly change your life forever. One Day. Twenty. Four. Hours. 

Thanking him profusely, you hung up, collapsing onto your small couch. You suddenly sat upright, your mind racing with everything you had to do to prepare. 

“Chae! I need you!” you screamed out from your room. Your roommate came running, a panicked look in her eyes “Are you-” she stopped mid-step when she saw your huge grin. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again! I thought something serious had happened!” She stormed over to you, smacking you on the arm. “But something serious did happen. I have an interview with Bang Si-hyuk, of BigHit Entertainment.” The name falling off your tongue had you reeling like a schoolgirl inside. “No! Are you for real, Y/N? What the hell?” Chae plopped down beside you on the edge of your bed. “Remember me telling you that Dean Moon sent my portfolio for a position? It was sent to him. He wants an in person interview tomorrow. Tomorrow! I have nothing to wear, I don’t have anything prepared in case he wants to see some of my other work.” Chae grabbed your hands, the contact easing the panic rising in you. “I’ll help you get things together, all of your stuff is amazing, so anything would impress the pants off of him. As far as clothes, you can borrow something from my closet. I have the perfect outfit for you.” Jumping up, she scurried down the short hallway, coming back five minutes later with a few outfits in hand. 

She did have the cutest clothes. Where you always wore things thats were covered in paint or charcoal dust, she had skirts, dresses, outfits that looked classy yet refined. You settled on the flowy, purple , floor length skirt and a soft, cotton cap sleeved off-white top. It suited your carefree style and you felt like the beautiful young woman you were deep inside. Sitting at your two seater dining table, you searched through your photos of your artwork. Black and whites, colored, sepia tinted pictures covered the small area. You opted for the piece you had done your first year, a piece that was a sculpture you did for a summer art show, and lastly the piece you had been working on the past week. The smiling girl drawing, the younger you. You gently placed the photos in a binder, then placed everything in your bag. That evening, you, Chae, and a few friends had a celebratory dinner. By ten p.m. you were nestled in your bed, jittery and excited about tomorrow morning. 

Your phone's alarm went off at five in the morning. Stretching, you reached over to turn it off. Jolting upright, you swung your feet over the side of the bed, slipping your feet into your favorite slippers. Passing down the hall, you headed for the kitchen and the already brewing coffee. Pouring a steaming cup of brew, you made your way to the bathroom. You showered, brushed your teeth, and set about getting ready. You could hardly contain yourself as you too one last look in the mirror.

"You'll knock'em dead, Y/N, with both your talent and your looks" Char said sleepily from your doorway. " You really think so?" You asked nervously. Coming up behind you, Char started fixing your hair as she smiled at you in the mirror. " I don't think so, I know so." Taking both your shoulders, she turned you to face her. " You are talented beyond words, you're beautiful, and smart. They would be lucky to have someone as amazing as you on their staff." You hugged your best friend, giving her a genuine grin. "Thank you Chae. You always know how to pick me up." With a hug goodbye, you walked outside your apartment to catch a cab. Twenty minutes later, you were pulling up in front of BigHit studios. Taking a deep, calming breath, you stepped out and paid the driver. Bag in hand, and a confident smile on your face, you headed inside. You showered your ID to the lady at the front desk, nodding when she confirmed your appointment. 

"Please have a seat, Miss Y/N, Mr. Bang will be out in a minute." Just as your were about to sit down, you heard your name being called. You straightened yourself, taking long strides to greet the man who had called for you.

" Good morning Mr. Bang, it's very nice to meet you." You took his hand, gripping his just firmly enough to hopefully exude confidence. " Yes, welcome miss Y/N. Please, follow me. We are all looking forward to meeting you." His voice was kind and pleasant, his smile relaxing you instantly. You stepped into the board room, coming face to face with several board members, and them. Seven handsome friendly faces were smiling in your direction.  Everyone rose to their feet and bowed in greeting. You bowed in return to each one as they said their name. “Please have a seat, we are very excited to finally meet you. After seeing your portfolio, we are pleased to finally meet the person behind all that talent. You could feel your cheeks burning as you blushed at their compliment. 

“Thank you very much. I am honored for this opportunity to meet with you all. I hope that I am able to prove myself and my work effectively.” A round of nods of ‘yes’ filled the room as you took your seat at the head of the table. 

“I was very impressed by your portfolio. You have such talent, and to think that you are still in your final year at SNU. I have only seen this kind of talent before from seasoned artists. You should be very pleased with what you have accomplished already.” one of the board members spoke up. “Yes Ma’am, thank you. I have always had a heart for art, ever since I could remember. I was always creating, drawing, sculpting, even as a young child. Creating beauty, creating emotion through art is in my heart and soul. I can only hope that I can touch someone on a personal level with what I create.” The woman nodded in understanding. 

Bang Si-hyuk spoke up, garnering your attention to your left. “Have you brought any more of your works with you, by chance?” You nodded, pulling the binder from your bag. Opening it in front of you, several of the board members stood and came up behind you.Only the seven men sayed in their seats, talking amongst themselves. An older gentleman picked up the folio, carrying to the young men who were sitting on the opposite end of the conference table. The others took their seats as another took a stand behind his chair. 

“Miss, allow me to explain what we are looking for. We are searching for someone who has the ability to take a verbalized concept and turn it into something that would express the ideas of BTS. Each of the members have a certain concept they want to have visualized by people. We want someone who will be versatile enough to incorporate each unique style and vision of each member and give something that is, for lack of a better word, ethereal. From what we have seen of your work, we believe that you are the only one that fits this ideal. Of course, your work here will be credited for your education, and we will allow you personal time to finish your studies as needed. For compensation, we will offer you along with your salary, anything you may require to earn your Master’s Degree.” 

You were sure you were only imagining what they were saying and offering you. Creative freedom, a salary plus education requirements. This had to be too good to be true. “Y/N, we would like to extend you an offer in the position of Artistic Creator of BigHit Entertainment.” All you were capable of doing in response was nod while your jaw hung slightly agape. A soft chuckle from across the room brought you to your senses. “Yes! I mean, I would like to gladly accept the offer. Thank you so much, and you will not regret hiring me.” You stood as the board members came to shake your hand. You bowed politely to each one, thanking them personally for the offer. At last it was just you, Bang Si-hyuk ,and the seven members of the infamous BTS group left in the large meeting room. 

One by one, each member, from youngest to oldest, stood and made their way to you. You bowed deeply, only to be interrupted with a clearing of someone’s throat. “Ma’am, there is no need to be that formal with us.” You looked up, only to see Hoseok smiling broadly with his signature grin. “So-sorry. . I just  never met anyone famous before. Your face heated as you thought of how ridiculous your comment was. “It’s okay, we’re just like anyone else, normal and goofy.” Taehyung quipped, baring that adorable boxy grin of his. “Thank you. I look forward to working with you all. I hope I can meet your expectations. Namjoon spoke up, his english precise and clear. “If what you have to offer is as spectacular as what we have seen in your portfolio, there is no doubt that you will surpass our expectations. He took your hand, shaking in gently as you just stared in his eyes. Those eyes held a kindness that was beyond his age. He smiled softly at you before stepping aside for the rest of them to talk with you. 

“Alright boys, let’s give her some room. We have some things to finalize, and you all have choreo to get to.” with a wave of his hand, he shooed them from the room, taking a seat next to you. “They are really excited to start working with you. Don’t let them give you any worry, you will get along nicely with them.” You gave your first genuine smile, then set about settling your contract. The salary would be more than enough to let you live comfortably. You were offered a personal studio with which to work in, and a small private apartment close to the studios. Over an hour later, you were signing your name on the bottom line of a packet that seemed thicker than any dictionary you had ever seen. Thanking Bang Si-hyuk, you shook his hand, then let him lead you out of the meeting room. 

“Jisoo, would you please give Miss Y/N a tour of the facilities? Show here where she will be working and if you could please, call for a ride to take her to her new apartment.” Jisoo bowed “Yes sir, right away.” Smiling at you, she came from around her station, “Please follow me.” she motioned for you to follow her. She gave a full tour, the cafe, the studio, the practice rooms, and the main offices. “This is where you will bespending most of your time.” she motioned as she led you into a spacious art studio. Anything and everything you could ever want or need was in this space. “This is my space? I have this all to myself?” She gave a pleasant smile before answering. “Yes, Miss. If you find you need anything, please let me know and I will get it for you by the end of the day.” 

As the tour concluded, you were led outside where a car and driver were waiting for you. “Mr. Hyun will be taking you to your new apartment. When you are finished there, he will bring you back here for lunch. Please come to me when you arrive and I will show you where we will be eating.” Thanking her, you situated yourself in the back seat, letting your head fall against the headrest as the events of this morning came rushing over you. The apartment was just ten minutes from the studio, and easy walk if you had to. He led you upstairs, handing you your new keys to your new place. Stepping inside , you took a deep breath. It was larger than your current place, furniture already in place. It had a cozy relaxing feel to it. Soft muted colors and oversized couch and chairs. You walked from room to room, taking mental notes of what you would need to bring with you. 

Once you had a good look around, you met back with the driver. You were  back at BigHit, and the driver opened your door. You could see a small throng of girls standing on the corner, their heads darting in your direction as you exited the car and were walked inside. “They really do have no privacy, do they?” you asked Mr. Hyun, who only shook his head for an answer. You met back up with Jisoo, and she walked with you to the cafe, a large buffet set up in the back. 

“Ahh! Leave some for the others! You can’t hog all the pork!” Jin was pushing Taehyung aside, trying to steal the tongs from his hands. Jungkook was laughing about something Hoseok had said. When you entered, all heads turned in your direction. “Yes! The artist extraordinaire has arrived!.” Jimin came up to you, bowing slightly before giving you his heart-eyed smile. “Please, come on and join us. We just got started, hopefully there is still enough for you to enjoy.” You thanked him politely, letting him take the lead. He handed you a plate, then started to pile your dish with everything present. By the time he was done, your plate was stacked high and heavy. “Thank you Jimin.” you said, your voice small and shy. 

As if reading your thoughts, Hoseok stepped between you and Jimin. “Don’t be shy, Miss Y/N, we don’t bite. Come, have a seat with us, we were just discussing your artwork.” He put his arm around your shoulder, Jimin shrugging as he grinned. “You’ll get used to him, he is a very hands on person.” Hoseok guided you to their table, introducing you to the others gathered around. You greeted them all respectfully, shaking hands and bowing as needed. “So, tell us what you’re thinking. I’m sure this is all overwhelming right now.” Looking to your right, you saw Yoongi waiting for you to take a seat. You sat down quickly, taking the offered cup of water from Jungkook. His bunny smile had you at ease immediately. “Thank you, Jungkook. Ahh, yes, it is a bit overwhelming, but I am excited to get right to work. I can’t wait to hear all of your thoughts on what you want to portray to the public. Hopefully I can give your thoughts and ideas justice.”

“From what I saw, you have nothing to worry about. Your artwork is truly amazing. Looking through your folio, I was quite excited to get to meet the person who put so much passion into what they produced. You have a raw talent, Miss Y/N. I am sure you will give our ideas more than just justice. I think it will appear as if you were inside our minds.” Namjoon’s voice made the others go silent. When he spoke, it was with authority and kindness. Everyone hung on each word, as if he was delivering an important address. “Thank you for the encouragement, Namjoon. A please, you all can drop the Miss part. I am younger than you, and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable at the formality. That is, unless you prefer.”

“Y/N it is then. But, only on the instance that you drop formalities also.” Jin chimed in. “Yes sir. I mean, okay.” Everyone, including yourself laughed at your statement. The meal was spent in pleasant chatter. You learned about the basics of BigHit, what daily life was like within these walls. Before you knew it, all plates were empty and you were fully sated. “Alright people, back to it, we have a lot to get caught up on. Y/N, if you wouldn’t mind, please come with me. We have a few things to finalize and then you are free for the day.” You rose from your seat, saying goodbyes as you left. “I believe you will flow with those here effortlessly. I just wanted to get your schedule for the next few weeks set up then you are free to go.” He led you to his office, which was almost bigger than your living room, dining room, and kitchen combined. You sat down in a soft leather settee, sinking deep as you lowered yourself. 

“May I ask a question?” He nodded a go ahead as he searched through his computer. “I was curious, I know you would expect me to start immediately, and I am ready to work. But, may  have a day to gather my things from my place and say goodbyes before tomorrow?”

“Of course, Y/N. I was planning on sending some help to your place to help you move, if that is okay. I would like to have you starting yesterday, but if you need time, how about Monday morning, say seven a.m. sharp?”  You readily accepted his offer, thanking him for the ample amount of time. Shortly, your schedule was set, and he walked you to the front door, holding his hand out. “I look forward to working with you, I cannot wait to see what talent you bring to BigHit. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get busy, this place almost runs itself, but I am needed here and there.” You shook his hand then bowed deeply, thanking him again for everything. You walked to the bus stop, you mind running crazy with everything that had just transpired over the first half of the day. You have to remind yourself that you couldn’t call you parents yet, but your body was buzzing with joy. Taking your phone from your bag, you called Chae.

“I got the job!” you screamed, making several heads turn in your direction. “Oh my! I am so happy for you Y/N! We are definitely celebrating tonight. Drinks are on me. See you later, and congrats again.” You hung up, your smile beaming and reaching from ear to ear so much your face hurt, but you couldn’t stop. That night, before the party began, you called your parents. Their joy and happiness was evident, and you thanked them for allowing you to follow your dream. “I am so blessed to have parents like you. Thank you for allowing me to be who I want to be, for giving me the courage to follow my heart. All I am, is because of you and dad. Thank you mom.  I love you to the moon and beyond.” 

“We love you too, baby. I am happy for you and this new journey you are about to go on. May it be everything you have wanted. Once you get settled, your dad and I want to come for a visit, if you have time.” You hung up, happy tears blurring your eyes. You spent the rest of the night, and well into the early morning hours telling your friends what happened that day. You and Chae cried about you having to leave her, but you promised her she could come visit as soon as she was allowed. When all was said and done, you sat on your favorite lounge chair, glass of wine in hand and thought about what your mom had said. You were starting a new journey, and hopefully it would lead you to all you ever dreamed about.

The dream job, the one that you have worked towards all your life. The artistic creator for one of the biggest Kpop groups in the world. You would have the opportunity to share your love of art, use your creative freedom, and hang out with seven of the most beautiful men you had ever seen. 

You had, since you could ever remember, always had an art implement in your hands. Whether it be a crayon, pencil, or paintbrush, you were always drawing and coloring, everything. That left the world your canvas, including the white walls of your house, much to the dismay of your parents. Of course they encouraged you, just not using the walls, to create and dream. You were talented enough to earn a full ride to the college of your dreams, Seoul National University. You spent the next 5 years studying your ass off, improving, growing, finding your niche in the art world. Your final year of graduate school, the Dean of the Arts College, Moon Joo, came to you. “Y/N, I have had brought to my attention a position for an artistic creator. It would involve set designing, artistic creativity, and working one on one with clients. I have watched you for the past five years, and I see in you a great potential. I would like to ask you to apply for the position.” You eyes grew wide as you listened to the praises of Dean Moon, excitement building at the prospect of finally having the chance to prove yourself to the world. “Yes sir! I am honored that you considered me for the position. What will I need to prepare?” He smiled at you, his caring demeanor showing throw his usually tough exterior. “I have already taken the incentive and sent your portfolio over to the company. If you gain the position, you should be hearing something from them within the week. 

A week? Your heart pounded, a slight twinge of anxiety settling in your brain. You possible future rested on your portfolio. Would it express who you were? Was it enough to give them insight to the passion that filled every fiber of your being? Taking a deep breath, you thanked the Dean and hurried down the corridor to your private studio. Fumbling for your cellphone, you pulled it from the bottom of your bag, hit call on your parents number.

“Hello?” a sleepy voice answered. “Shit! Sorry dad. I wasn’t thinking, I really didn’t mean to wake you.” you rushed your words, excited to share the news. “Is everything okay, sweetie?” his voice full of worry. “Yes! Yes dad, everything is great. I will call you later, when you are both up, I have something good to tell you.” You could hear your dad waking your mother. “It’s okay, hun, we’re up now. So what is this big news that you forgot the time difference?”  You took a deep breath as he put the call on speakerphone. “I have been recommended by Dean Moon for a possible artistic creator for a company here in Seoul! He sent my portfolio over to them and I should hear something within the week!” You couldn’t contain the giggles that erupted as you told your parents. “This may be my big break!” You heard your mom in the background, laughing at your giddy excitement. “Congratulations sweetheart. We can’t wait to hear that you got the position. Now, we are going back to sleep, but we will call you later. We love you, and we are so happy for you Y/N.” 

“Thanks, mom! Yes, get back to sleep, i’ll talk to you later, love you both.” You hung up, putting your phone on your desk. Picking up the charcoal pencil, you took a long stare at the blank canvas before putting the pencil to work, the image in your mind flowing seamlessly through your fingers. Two hours later, you had the outline created, a face of a small girl, smiling as she herself was drawing a picture. Scooting your stool back, you dusted yourself off, pleased with what you were seeing. Looking at the time, you hurriedly put your supplies away and headed to your next class. 

The next week had you always on your toes, every phone call making your heart race and jumping to grab it. Four days, nine hours and thirty-six minutes after your talk with Dean Moon, you received the call you had been anticipating. 

“Hello? Y/N Y/L/N speaking.” you were worried about the tone of worry in your voice, but it was quickly replaced with pure joy.

“”Yes, Miss Y/N, this is Bang Si-Hyuk, with BigHit Entertainment. I am calling in reference to your portfolio that was submitted for the position of artistic creator. I would like to extend an invitation to interview with myself and the board in person.”

BigHit Entertainment? Did you hear him correctly? Surely, this isn’t The BigHit of BTS. You almost forgot that ‘Hitman’ Bang was on the other end of the call. “Yes sir! Thank you sir. Just tell me the when and where, and I will be there.” You were given one day to prepare for the interview that would possibly change your life forever. One Day. Twenty. Four. Hours. 

Thanking him profusely, you hung up, collapsing onto your small couch. You suddenly sat upright, your mind racing with everything you had to do to prepare. 

“Chae! I need you!” you screamed out from your room. Your roommate came running, a panicked look in her eyes “Are you-” she stopped mid-step when she saw your huge grin. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again! I thought something serious had happened!” She stormed over to you, smacking you on the arm. “But something serious did happen. I have an interview with Bang Si-hyuk, of BigHit Entertainment.” The name falling off your tongue had you reeling like a schoolgirl inside. “No! Are you for real, Y/N? What the hell?” Chae plopped down beside you on the edge of your bed. “Remember me telling you that Dean Moon sent my portfolio for a position? It was sent to him. He wants an in person interview tomorrow. Tomorrow! I have nothing to wear, I don’t have anything prepared in case he wants to see some of my other work.” Chae grabbed your hands, the contact easing the panic rising in you. “I’ll help you get things together, all of your stuff is amazing, so anything would impress the pants off of him. As far as clothes, you can borrow something from my closet. I have the perfect outfit for you.” Jumping up, she scurried down the short hallway, coming back five minutes later with a few outfits in hand. 

She did have the cutest clothes. Where you always wore things thats were covered in paint or charcoal dust, she had skirts, dresses, outfits that looked classy yet refined. You settled on the flowy, purple , floor length skirt and a soft, cotton cap sleeved off-white top. It suited your carefree style and you felt like the beautiful young woman you were deep inside. Sitting at your two seater dining table, you searched through your photos of your artwork. Black and whites, colored, sepia tinted pictures covered the small area. You opted for the piece you had done your first year, a piece that was a sculpture you did for a summer art show, and lastly the piece you had been working on the past week. The smiling girl drawing, the younger you. You gently placed the photos in a binder, then placed everything in your bag. That evening, you, Chae, and a few friends had a celebratory dinner. By ten p.m. you were nestled in your bed, jittery and excited about tomorrow morning. 

Your phone's alarm went off at five in the morning. Stretching, you reached over to turn it off. Jolting upright, you swung your feet over the side of the bed, slipping your feet into your favorite slippers. Passing down the hall, you headed for the kitchen and the already brewing coffee. Pouring a steaming cup of brew, you made your way to the bathroom. You showered, brushed your teeth, and set about getting ready. You could hardly contain yourself as you too one last look in the mirror.

"You'll knock'em dead, Y/N, with both your talent and your looks" Char said sleepily from your doorway. " You really think so?" You asked nervously. Coming up behind you, Char started fixing your hair as she smiled at you in the mirror. " I don't think so, I know so." Taking both your shoulders, she turned you to face her. " You are talented beyond words, you're beautiful, and smart. They would be lucky to have someone as amazing as you on their staff." You hugged your best friend, giving her a genuine grin. "Thank you Chae. You always know how to pick me up." With a hug goodbye, you walked outside your apartment to catch a cab. Twenty minutes later, you were pulling up in front of BigHit studios. Taking a deep, calming breath, you stepped out and paid the driver. Bag in hand, and a confident smile on your face, you headed inside. You showered your ID to the lady at the front desk, nodding when she confirmed your appointment. 

"Please have a seat, Miss Y/N, Mr. Bang will be out in a minute." Just as your were about to sit down, you heard your name being called. You straightened yourself, taking long strides to greet the man who had called for you.

" Good morning Mr. Bang, it's very nice to meet you." You took his hand, gripping his just firmly enough to hopefully exude confidence. " Yes, welcome miss Y/N. Please, follow me. We are all looking forward to meeting you." His voice was kind and pleasant, his smile relaxing you instantly. You stepped into the board room, coming face to face with several board members, and them. Seven handsome friendly faces were smiling in your direction.  Everyone rose to their feet and bowed in greeting. You bowed in return to each one as they said their name. “Please have a seat, we are very excited to finally meet you. After seeing your portfolio, we are pleased to finally meet the person behind all that talent. You could feel your cheeks burning as you blushed at their compliment. 

“Thank you very much. I am honored for this opportunity to meet with you all. I hope that I am able to prove myself and my work effectively.” A round of nods of ‘yes’ filled the room as you took your seat at the head of the table. 

“I was very impressed by your portfolio. You have such talent, and to think that you are still in your final year at SNU. I have only seen this kind of talent before from seasoned artists. You should be very pleased with what you have accomplished already.” one of the board members spoke up. “Yes Ma’am, thank you. I have always had a heart for art, ever since I could remember. I was always creating, drawing, sculpting, even as a young child. Creating beauty, creating emotion through art is in my heart and soul. I can only hope that I can touch someone on a personal level with what I create.” The woman nodded in understanding. 

Bang Si-hyuk spoke up, garnering your attention to your left. “Have you brought any more of your works with you, by chance?” You nodded, pulling the binder from your bag. Opening it in front of you, several of the board members stood and came up behind you.Only the seven men sayed in their seats, talking amongst themselves. An older gentleman picked up the folio, carrying to the young men who were sitting on the opposite end of the conference table. The others took their seats as another took a stand behind his chair. 

“Miss, allow me to explain what we are looking for. We are searching for someone who has the ability to take a verbalized concept and turn it into something that would express the ideas of BTS. Each of the members have a certain concept they want to have visualized by people. We want someone who will be versatile enough to incorporate each unique style and vision of each member and give something that is, for lack of a better word, ethereal. From what we have seen of your work, we believe that you are the only one that fits this ideal. Of course, your work here will be credited for your education, and we will allow you personal time to finish your studies as needed. For compensation, we will offer you along with your salary, anything you may require to earn your Master’s Degree.” 

You were sure you were only imagining what they were saying and offering you. Creative freedom, a salary plus education requirements. This had to be too good to be true. “Y/N, we would like to extend you an offer in the position of Artistic Creator of BigHit Entertainment.” All you were capable of doing in response was nod while your jaw hung slightly agape. A soft chuckle from across the room brought you to your senses. “Yes! I mean, I would like to gladly accept the offer. Thank you so much, and you will not regret hiring me.” You stood as the board members came to shake your hand. You bowed politely to each one, thanking them personally for the offer. At last it was just you, Bang Si-hyuk ,and the seven members of the infamous BTS group left in the large meeting room. 

One by one, each member, from youngest to oldest, stood and made their way to you. You bowed deeply, only to be interrupted with a clearing of someone’s throat. “Ma’am, there is no need to be that formal with us.” You looked up, only to see Hoseok smiling broadly with his signature grin. “So-sorry. . I just  never met anyone famous before. Your face heated as you thought of how ridiculous your comment was. “It’s okay, we’re just like anyone else, normal and goofy.” Taehyung quipped, baring that adorable boxy grin of his. “Thank you. I look forward to working with you all. I hope I can meet your expectations. Namjoon spoke up, his english precise and clear. “If what you have to offer is as spectacular as what we have seen in your portfolio, there is no doubt that you will surpass our expectations. He took your hand, shaking in gently as you just stared in his eyes. Those eyes held a kindness that was beyond his age. He smiled softly at you before stepping aside for the rest of them to talk with you. 

“Alright boys, let’s give her some room. We have some things to finalize, and you all have choreo to get to.” with a wave of his hand, he shooed them from the room, taking a seat next to you. “They are really excited to start working with you. Don’t let them give you any worry, you will get along nicely with them.” You gave your first genuine smile, then set about settling your contract. The salary would be more than enough to let you live comfortably. You were offered a personal studio with which to work in, and a small private apartment close to the studios. Over an hour later, you were signing your name on the bottom line of a packet that seemed thicker than any dictionary you had ever seen. Thanking Bang Si-hyuk, you shook his hand, then let him lead you out of the meeting room. 

“Jisoo, would you please give Miss Y/N a tour of the facilities? Show here where she will be working and if you could please, call for a ride to take her to her new apartment.” Jisoo bowed “Yes sir, right away.” Smiling at you, she came from around her station, “Please follow me.” she motioned for you to follow her. She gave a full tour, the cafe, the studio, the practice rooms, and the main offices. “This is where you will bespending most of your time.” she motioned as she led you into a spacious art studio. Anything and everything you could ever want or need was in this space. “This is my space? I have this all to myself?” She gave a pleasant smile before answering. “Yes, Miss. If you find you need anything, please let me know and I will get it for you by the end of the day.” 

As the tour concluded, you were led outside where a car and driver were waiting for you. “Mr. Hyun will be taking you to your new apartment. When you are finished there, he will bring you back here for lunch. Please come to me when you arrive and I will show you where we will be eating.” Thanking her, you situated yourself in the back seat, letting your head fall against the headrest as the events of this morning came rushing over you. The apartment was just ten minutes from the studio, and easy walk if you had to. He led you upstairs, handing you your new keys to your new place. Stepping inside , you took a deep breath. It was larger than your current place, furniture already in place. It had a cozy relaxing feel to it. Soft muted colors and oversized couch and chairs. You walked from room to room, taking mental notes of what you would need to bring with you. 

Once you had a good look around, you met back with the driver. You were  back at BigHit, and the driver opened your door. You could see a small throng of girls standing on the corner, their heads darting in your direction as you exited the car and were walked inside. “They really do have no privacy, do they?” you asked Mr. Hyun, who only shook his head for an answer. You met back up with Jisoo, and she walked with you to the cafe, a large buffet set up in the back. 

“Ahh! Leave some for the others! You can’t hog all the pork!” Jin was pushing Taehyung aside, trying to steal the tongs from his hands. Jungkook was laughing about something Hoseok had said. When you entered, all heads turned in your direction. “Yes! The artist extraordinaire has arrived!.” Jimin came up to you, bowing slightly before giving you his heart-eyed smile. “Please, come on and join us. We just got started, hopefully there is still enough for you to enjoy.” You thanked him politely, letting him take the lead. He handed you a plate, then started to pile your dish with everything present. By the time he was done, your plate was stacked high and heavy. “Thank you Jimin.” you said, your voice small and shy. 

As if reading your thoughts, Hoseok stepped between you and Jimin. “Don’t be shy, Miss Y/N, we don’t bite. Come, have a seat with us, we were just discussing your artwork.” He put his arm around your shoulder, Jimin shrugging as he grinned. “You’ll get used to him, he is a very hands on person.” Hoseok guided you to their table, introducing you to the others gathered around. You greeted them all respectfully, shaking hands and bowing as needed. “So, tell us what you’re thinking. I’m sure this is all overwhelming right now.” Looking to your right, you saw Yoongi waiting for you to take a seat. You sat down quickly, taking the offered cup of water from Jungkook. His bunny smile had you at ease immediately. “Thank you, Jungkook. Ahh, yes, it is a bit overwhelming, but I am excited to get right to work. I can’t wait to hear all of your thoughts on what you want to portray to the public. Hopefully I can give your thoughts and ideas justice.”

“From what I saw, you have nothing to worry about. Your artwork is truly amazing. Looking through your folio, I was quite excited to get to meet the person who put so much passion into what they produced. You have a raw talent, Miss Y/N. I am sure you will give our ideas more than just justice. I think it will appear as if you were inside our minds.” Namjoon’s voice made the others go silent. When he spoke, it was with authority and kindness. Everyone hung on each word, as if he was delivering an important address. “Thank you for the encouragement, Namjoon. A please, you all can drop the Miss part. I am younger than you, and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable at the formality. That is, unless you prefer.”

“Y/N it is then. But, only on the instance that you drop formalities also.” Jin chimed in. “Yes sir. I mean, okay.” Everyone, including yourself laughed at your statement. The meal was spent in pleasant chatter. You learned about the basics of BigHit, what daily life was like within these walls. Before you knew it, all plates were empty and you were fully sated. “Alright people, back to it, we have a lot to get caught up on. Y/N, if you wouldn’t mind, please come with me. We have a few things to finalize and then you are free for the day.” You rose from your seat, saying goodbyes as you left. “I believe you will flow with those here effortlessly. I just wanted to get your schedule for the next few weeks set up then you are free to go.” He led you to his office, which was almost bigger than your living room, dining room, and kitchen combined. You sat down in a soft leather settee, sinking deep as you lowered yourself. 

“May I ask a question?” He nodded a go ahead as he searched through his computer. “I was curious, I know you would expect me to start immediately, and I am ready to work. But, may  have a day to gather my things from my place and say goodbyes before tomorrow?”

“Of course, Y/N. I was planning on sending some help to your place to help you move, if that is okay. I would like to have you starting yesterday, but if you need time, how about Monday morning, say seven a.m. sharp?”  You readily accepted his offer, thanking him for the ample amount of time. Shortly, your schedule was set, and he walked you to the front door, holding his hand out. “I look forward to working with you, I cannot wait to see what talent you bring to BigHit. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get busy, this place almost runs itself, but I am needed here and there.” You shook his hand then bowed deeply, thanking him again for everything. You walked to the bus stop, you mind running crazy with everything that had just transpired over the first half of the day. You have to remind yourself that you couldn’t call you parents yet, but your body was buzzing with joy. Taking your phone from your bag, you called Chae.

“I got the job!” you screamed, making several heads turn in your direction. “Oh my! I am so happy for you Y/N! We are definitely celebrating tonight. Drinks are on me. See you later, and congrats again.” You hung up, your smile beaming and reaching from ear to ear so much your face hurt, but you couldn’t stop. That night, before the party began, you called your parents. Their joy and happiness was evident, and you thanked them for allowing you to follow your dream. “I am so blessed to have parents like you. Thank you for allowing me to be who I want to be, for giving me the courage to follow my heart. All I am, is because of you and dad. Thank you mom.  I love you to the moon and beyond.” 

“We love you too, baby. I am happy for you and this new journey you are about to go on. May it be everything you have wanted. Once you get settled, your dad and I want to come for a visit, if you have time.” You hung up, happy tears blurring your eyes. You spent the rest of the night, and well into the early morning hours telling your friends what happened that day. You and Chae cried about you having to leave her, but you promised her she could come visit as soon as she was allowed. When all was said and done, you sat on your favorite lounge chair, glass of wine in hand and thought about what your mom had said. You were starting a new journey, and hopefully it would lead you to all you ever dreamed about.

@min-shookga-yoongi @beautifulseoulliar @agustd-suga-yoongii @astronomyturtle @aspaceformyself @dreamyoongi @holy-yoong i@trashkazuya @maxinaptak @micky1518 @rosiemilas @karri570

@seoulsunshineandstories @kwonnansi @xjamlessparkx @berryjam17

@kingsuckjin

[kpopplayroom]

Lacuna pt 1 ||Jackson Wang (F)

Lacuna (n): A blank or missing space

It's been a year, not a day you haven't thought about him. What was he doing? Did he miss you? Did he even remember you?

A night of giggles and adventure tortured your existence. You remembered that night vividly, it was one you'd never forget.

You were lost in the streets of Paris. You sat down on a bench, you were really regretting the fact that you dropped French in high school.

"I'm guessing you're lost like me" you glanced up at the man that approached you.

His chestnut hair was slicked back and he was dressed casually. He sat down next to you with a sigh, you could see him sneak a peek at you from the corner or your eye.

"That I am" he chuckled

"I was with a group for friends and they kinda just disappeared" he rubbed the nap of his neck

"Maybe we can find them together?" Where this boldness came from puzzled you, not a bone in your body regretted it.

"I'm Jackson by the way" he smiled warmly

"Y/N. Where did you last see your friends?"

"We were near the Arc de something, I can't remember the name. I have no service and I may have forgotten to write down the name of our hotel" he chuckled nervously

This was the start of an uncalled for adventure. Your first stop was the Arc he spoke of. Luckily you had just been to the Arc de Triomphe so this wasn't a difficult task.

"I don't think they're here" you stared up at the structure in front of you.

Going to Paris was a freak choice. Everything was stressing you out. Especially work, the recent layoffs left you swamped with work. Your superiors didn't make it any better, constantly looking over your shoulder.

What really hurt you the most was the reappearance of an old flame. Wounds were opened once again, those that you though were healed. You were overwhelmed by everyone around you and the few hours you spent at home wasn't enough so you took the jump and took your vacation. You need to think about what you were going to do but right now you're wanted to enjoy the little freedom.

"You alright?" You glanced over to Jackson with a soft smile

"Just admiring" he returned the smile

"Where do we go now?" You folded your arms across your chest

"Lunch" you raised a brow

"Asking me out?" his face turned a slight pink tinted

"N-no no. I just though I'd return the favor of you helping me" you felt a slight warmth rise up in your chest

"But we haven't found your friends yet"

"You being here is enough for me" what was with this man?

He hesitantly took you hand in his. He was warm, his touch gentle. Every muscle in your body wanted him to engulf in his arms, why did he make you feel like you were floating on cloud nine so easily?

He gently tugged your arm and you followed him. Soon you both found a small restaurant, thankfully the exchange student that worked as a waitress spoke english.

He made you laugh, in the most ridiculous ways. Stories of him and his friend travelling the world together, pulling pranks, messing around and just having fun. He was a breath of fresh air to you.

After you both were finished it was time to move on but there was one thing Jackson wanted to do first.

"Let's go to the Eiffel Tower?" You paused

"Why? It's almost night time and I kind of want to see the lights" it was your turn to take his hand and guide the way

You both ended up rushing through the sidewalks of Paris giggling like teenagers. Your heart was light, you mind was clear and it was only him and you.

"Hurry up, we'll miss it" you spend ahead of him but not for long.

"Come on slow poke!" He shouted out passing you in the process.

He made it there first, which was not really surprising. You didn't focus on it too much but you could tell that he was really fit from the areas his clothing clung to his body.

He wrapped his arm around your waist causing you to look down at the ground

"Oh sorry. I-"

"No, it's ok" you walked along side him as he lead you to a bench. You sat next to each other, your thigh occasionally brusing his.

"We made it just in time huh?" He asked breathlessly

"I've never seen the Eiffel tower" his eyes were glued to you

"It's my first time here"

"Why did you come here?" You leaned back on the bench with a sigh

"Stress. I needed a vacation so I packed up and came here, I've only been her for a day. I came late last night" your attention was drawn to the sudden flood of light.

"Wow" you could see Jackson smile at your muttered words

"It's beautiful isnt it?" He slipped his hand in your and leaned closer to you

You wanted him to kiss you, to leaned over and make you forget the world but you knew he wouldn't.

You looked over to him and he was lost in thought. You took a deep breath and imprinted this moment in your mind, you never wanted to forget this.

"La Re-something" you furrowed your brows

"La Resérve?" His face lit up

"That's it!" You'd remembered that hotel from when you we looking up places to stay. It was ridiculously expensive, who really was this man?

"Do you know the way?" A part of you didn't want this night to end but you knew that wasn't right

"Vaguely but I'm sure we can find it" his smile seemed to glow

"But before that would you like some dinner?"

"I would like that"

You strolled around hand in hand trying to find a place to eat once again. It was bittersweet.

"Order whatever you like" he choose an exquisitely decorated restaurant, you wanted to mention that this place looked expensive but there was no wa he didn't notice. You felt kind of guilty for letting him pay and he noticed

"It's alright, I promise"

You savoured every moment, you talks weren't as often but the short moments of silence were still comforting.

"When are you leaving?" He frowned and looked at his watch

"In about 18 hours" you kept your face blank, you were disappointed to say the least.

You walked together for the last time. He didn't hold your had this time and you really wanted him to.

Neither of you said a word, you didn't because you were afraid but why didn't he? Your heart was screaming for you to touch him, get close and so was your mind which was rare but you could move.

'Only miss the sun when it starts to snow'

'Only know you love her when you let her go'

You heart felt like it was being tugged at the lyrics of the song that played softly in a cafe you passed by.

The feeling of his hand slipping into your made you giddy. You couldn't help but smile and you knew he noticed.

He swung your entangled hands back and forth slowly. You missed the feeling of being with someone, the minuscule times your ex made you feel like that always perked you up but it had been year since then.

Your heart sank as your destination came into view, he squeezed your hand slightly.

"I guess this is it" your eyes were glued to the ground

"Never look down, you're too beautiful" his hand left yours. He cupped your cheeks and lifted your head, he leaned closer to you, he paused for a moment. Your lips were inches apart so you leaned in, his kiss was gentle, his lips were soft. His hand left your cheeks and he wrapped his arms around your waist and brought you close to him.

No one batted and eye, the people around you were no longer there and the streets were empty. You didn't even notice the long haired man in the back smirking. He leaned away from you and rested his forehead on your.

"Jackson!" He quickly moved away from you as a tall man jogged up to you both. The man with the long hair shook his head and walked towards you as well.

Suddenly your existence was forgot. His eyes never left you as a group of men surrounded him and guided him inside. Jackson was wa saying something but you couldn't make out what it was.

You looked down into the coffee that had gone cold. You told yourself you would cry over a man you barely knew but it was your breaking point and you broke down at your desk.

You placed the cup in your desk and placed your head on your folded arms which rested on your desk, tears trickled down your cheeks.

Lacuna, a missing space. He was what you were missing, even if it was just to see him again, that's all you ask for

NYX

So this is a three part collab with @ultimate-kpop-trash-scenarios . Part 2 will be done by her. So please go show her some love.

[funsize-lucifer-hongjoong]

We Are Stars For Each Other

Genre - Fuffy eventual Smut

Female Reader x Hongjoong

Word count - 3,379

                        Chapter 2 : Combat Boots and Leather Skirts

The next morning you wake up earlier than you expected. The warmth spreading through you at the dream you had woken up from. Grey hair and your hands running through it, whispers and moans. Once you fully open your eyes you can’t believe your own mind going there. “Damn brain, we got some good taste in men.” All the while trying to remember the dream that is quickly being lost to the morning light.

Getting out of bed has always been a chore to you. You’d rather just stay there and live your best life. Anxiety had made your life Hell for years, and you knew the bedroom was your safe space. You do eventually get up, begrudgingly so. Groaning as your knees pop on standing and stretching.

Your normal morning routine consists of coffee, breakfast of some description, a shower, and pajamas on your days off. What a lovely day off it is too. Min Seo had a meeting with someone and you had the entire apartment to yourself. You grabbed up your laptop, plopping down on the couch.

“Let’s see who these boys are, shall we?” Your fingers begin to run across the keys. You’re searching every site typing in ATEEZ and every other keyword you could think of until you come across a Kpop Wiki page for them. “Hmm, Kim Hongjoong, 21 years old, Rapper, leader, and main composer.” You start to scroll down, but stop yourself, and quickly scroll back up to read it again. “Wait, What the hell?! He’s a composer?! Like he writes his own music? Wow. Big things in small packages, I guess.” You shrug and continue reading. Eventually making your way to Jung Wooyoung, “Oh, he’s beautiful. He looks like the devil and an Angel all at once, if that’s even possible.” Your absent mind can barely scroll past his picture to get to his bio below. “Jung Wooyoung, 19 years old, Lead dancer, vocalist, and visual.” You continue scrolling a bit farther, “What the hell is a visual? I mean he’s gorgeous if that’s what it stands for. I need to learn more about this K-pop stuff.”

That’s how your day remains, on the couch in your pajamas reading everything you can about K-pop and this group called Ateez. You listen to all their songs, and pick your favorites, numerous dance videos and performances live and otherwise. Soon enough, you stumble upon the glorious fancam, and you make it through all of Wooyoung’s that you can find until you hear the door beep, as Min Seo unlocks it. “Oh no, I can’t let her know, she’ll never let me live it down after trashing K-pop for so long.” You slam your laptop closed, throwing it on the table in front of the couch, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible.

“Hey Y/N, how was your day?” Min Seo yells from the entryway.

“Ugh, boring and uneventful as usual. Would you expect anything different?” You reply as she walks into the living room to sit down at the other end of the couch.

“Honestly? No probably not. You’re a boring person.” You roll your eyes at her, “Jeeze, Thanks Minie. I really appreciate the vote of confidence.”

“You’re welcome!”, She chirps as she flicks on the Tv and changes it to some variety show she watches regularly.

The evening is spent with your best friend. You order in for dinner and while watching a movie together, she pipes up out of nowhere, “Hey, um, I know you weren’t crazy about the fan sign event, but Ateez has a concert next weekend. There’s going to be another Hi-touch and I really want to see San again. I think I’m getting somewhere with him!”

You lay your head back against the couch, trying to pretend you didn’t really want to go, even if you did. “When is it Minie?” You say with a sigh.

“It’s Friday night. You could do the Hi-touch yourself this time. Meet them, and maybe if you talk to them you’ll like them more. I’ll pay for everything, all you have to do is show up.”

You look over at Min Seo, “You’ll pay for everything, even dinner where I want to eat after?” She turns her full body towards you on the couch excitement flashing on her face. “Even dinner wherever you want, and drinks too. I promise.”

You side eye her with your head on the back of the couch, “Alright Minie, I’ll go, but don’t expect me to fall head over heels in love with any of them. I’m just doing this because you bribed me with free food and alcohol.” Though deep down you know, that’s all a lie.

As the days pass, you get more nervous. Anxiety flaring in your stomach, making your head swim. “I’m going to be touching them, should I get my nails done? Shit, I can’t have my nails done, I have to work and they don’t allow it.” Your brain runs through these thoughts constantly. What will you wear? How will you wear your hair? Will you wear any makeup? You know you want to make a good impression on Wooyoung. “He probably has a girlfriend anyway, and why would an Idol want someone like me.” Your confidence took a nose dive from its already low point.

In your turmoil, you hear a knock on your bedroom door. “Come in, it’s open.” Min Seo opens the door, and walks in, sitting at the edge of your bed beside you, seeing the outfits thrown haphazardly around the room. “Are you trying to find something to wear for Friday?” She asks you gently. “Yeah, but I don’t have anything but pajamas and work clothes Minie. I wore the only casual type outfit I had last time. I can’t wear it again.” you put your head down, the facade of you trying to act like you didn’t want to go, was crumbling away fast.

Min Seo’s face lights up, “I’ve got so many different outfits you could try on! I’m sure I’ve got something for you to wear.” With that being said she jumps up and runs out your door, down the hall, and into her room. You stand and follow her, not knowing if you’ve made a mistake or not.

Hours pass, and you’ve tried on all of her tops and a few pairs of jeans. “No Skirts, Minie! I don’t wear them unless I’m working.”

“Come on, Y/N. Just this one. it doesn’t look anything like the skirts you wear to work. It’ll be so cute on you!” She pushes what looks like a leather jacket into your hands, “Try it on!” You roll your eyes and look up, saying in a hushed voice “God, please help me not to strangle this poor girl and get sent back home. Amen.” Without too much more fuss, you pull on a leather mini skirt, it has belts crossing the front with tiny skulls on, and a red plaid patch on the hip. “Hey, this isn’t bad, Min Seo. My ass looks like a dream.” You say, looking at yourself in the mirror on her closet door.

She puts her hands on her hips, “Y/N! Language!” You smile at her, “Yeah well Minie, when your ex used to stay over I heard much worse than the word ass. These walls are paper thin, dear.” You wink at her, and her face turns a shade of red you’ve never seen before. You start to laugh, then you double over, tears leaking from your eyes. “Calm down, Min Seo. It was just a joke, but seriously did he really make you call him Daddy?” You ask with a quizzical look on your face.

Playfully slapping at you as her embarrassment flares, “Oh go on! Take it and get out! You’re making me remember the trash can I once dated, and yes, I called him daddy.” She says as she pushes you out the door, still in the skirt. You fall over into the floor howling with laughter as she slams her door in mock anger. Slowly getting up to walk into your room and change back into your trademark sweatpants, still wiping tears away from the occasional laughing fit that overtakes you.

Friday is upon you before you know it. You rush out of work early and even spend the extra money to get a cab home. “I’ve got 2 hours to get ready, and an hour to be there, that’s not nearly enough time.” There’s that anxiety rearing it’s ugly head again.

When you walk in the apartment, you don’t have time to worry. Min Seo is already home and practically shoving you into the shower. “Hurry Y/N, we need to get you fed and dressed before we leave!” You jump in the shower, washing as fast as you possibly can, and brushing your teeth while you’re in there. You turn off the water and wrap a towel around yourself. No sooner do you step out and dry off is Min Seo shoving you again, this time into her room. Your outfit laid out neatly on her bed.

“Y/N, do you have any cute panties?” She asks while pulling out her makeup and laying it across the bed.

“Excuse you Minie. Do I have any what?!” You raise your eyebrows in surprise at her asking such a forward question, she always seemed so shy.

“I asked if you had any cute panties. This skirt is short, and if the unexpected happens then at least you can be happy knowing you showed them your best.” You cock up your eyebrow before thinking about it. “Yeah, actually I do have a red lace pair of high cut boy shorts, but those are for special occasions, not to mention the price I paid for them. ”

“Y/N, it’s been a year. You haven’t been laid ONCE. Not one time. I’ve introduced you to a hundred different guys, and none of them made you go as far as you’re going right now.” She looks down, putting different shades of eyeshadow on her hand. She brings her hand up next to your face. “Ah, well since you’re wearing red panties, let’s go with it.” She says smiling brightly, and all you can do is groan at the whirlwind of makeup brushes and curling irons.

It takes just at 2 hours for you to get ready, and when Min Seo is done you stare at yourself in the mirror. A red high collared shirt with sheer sleeves, the leather mini skirt, your favorite red panty set, fishnet hose, and Min Seo’s combat boots. You barely recognize yourself. Your lips are stained red like you’ve eaten a popsicle. Your eyes are dark, glitter across them, and your skin looks amazing. Your hair lays across your shoulders in curls. All the while thinking to yourself, “This is how Minie pulls it off, eh? Hours of work, but the results are pretty good”

Min Seo, throws her handbag over her arm, looking back at you. “Hey Y/N? Why are you going all out like this, if you don’t really like it anyway?” Oh no, you’re caught out, best just to tell the truth and let her have her fun. “Well Minie, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been kind of obsessed with these guys since you took me last time.” She squeals with delight, grabbing your hands, she asks you, “Who’s your bias?! Is it Hongjoong?! It better not be San, you know I called him first.” You start to laugh, but stop yourself, “No it isn’t San or Hongjoong. It’s Wooyoung.”

“Ooooh Y/N likes the bad boys does she?” She gives you a sly smile as she shuts the door behind you both. You grab your phone and call a cab. Your nerves flare again, this is it, your chance to make an impression on Wooyoung. Let’s just hope this works.

As you’re getting out of the cab, you see why Min Seo told you to wear cute panties. You can feel a slight breeze, and you know you were keeping your legs together as politely as possible. Walking up to the venue, your heart starts to race, seeing those same posters but now they mean something entirely different. You look at Wooyoung’s face, and down at yourself. “I hope this works.” You think as you close your eyes, trying to calm your heart. Min Seo is pulling at your arm, “Come on we have to hurry, the line will be so long if we take our time.” You start to move faster, as fast as possible in a mini skirt and boots.

Before you know it, you’re in the line. Wringing your hands, and breathing heavily. You see them, all sitting at their table. Not having had a chance to learn all their names yet, the only ones you can spot are San, Wooyoung, and HongJoong. They’re all at the far end. You breath deeply as Min Seo sits in front of the first boy, she says a few words, he smiles at her, and she moves on. Clearly making a beeline for San. You sit in front of him next, he seems nice enough as do the others, but he isn’t who you’re waiting for. When you sit in front of San, Min Seo is with Wooyoung, and you feel a pang of jealousy.

“Hello beautiful, your friend told me you’re new to this” San says in a low voice, patting your hand gently. “Uh…Um, Yeah, I uh, don’t know much about pop music at all” You reply back, squeaking a bit. Then you overhear Min Seo next to you, “My best friend, Y/N says you’re her bias Wooyoung. Be nice to her won’t you?” You could kill her right now and send her to Jesus. Tapping her leg frantically “Minie, shut it will you?!” She just smiles and moves down to HongJoong, at the same time you’re moving down a chair, to sit in front of one of the most beautiful guys you’ve ever seen.

You sit in front of him, and you take a few seconds to soak it all in. His eyes are soft, and with his contacts in, they look like the morning sky. His nose is slightly sloped, and his jaw looks as though it were cut from granite. You can’t help thinking to yourself, “He can’t possibly be real.” This is your chance to make some kind of impression on him. “Hi Wooyoung, I’m Y/N.” He lifts his eyes and smiles widely, “Aw Y/N it’s nice to meet you. I’m glad Min Seo brought you here, she told me I’m your bias.” He smirks, and your cheeks flush a rosy shade. “You are, I think you’re an incredible dancer, and singer. You’re amazing.” He barely looks up, seemingly uninterested, your face falls a bit. Your confidence goes with it. His reply is quick and sounds almost robotic, “Thanks sweetheart, enjoy the show.” You smile at him and bow slightly, but your heart feels like it’s been smashed now.

You stand and move to sit with Hongjoong, Min Seo was waiting for you at the end of the line. He notices your outfit, and unlike Wooyoung he’s very impressed. Almost a bit bashful, which is new for him. He immediately remembers you and grabs your hand playing with your fingers. “Hello gorgeous, what’s your name?” You register him speaking to you, and look up almost in a daze, “Oh, uhm, it’s Y/N. You’re Hongjoong?” He smiles and you notice right away his teeth are nearly perfect, and so are his lips.

“You look like you’re actually enjoying yourself this time, unlike the last time I saw you.” He dips his head as he says this, catching your eyes again. You blush, this time it spreads down your neck, and you can only hope he doesn’t notice. “Yeah, I wasn’t into this stuff, until I saw you guys. It changed the way I view pop music.” You try to avoid his gaze, he had contacts in and they were a shade of lavender and grey. They matched him well, you thought.

“You’re blushing for me, it’s adorable, can I call you Pink cheeks from now on?” You think he’s joking, but upon looking at him you can tell he’s quite serious. Without putting too much thought into it you reply, “Sure, why not? Can I call you shorty?” He balks at that and Wooyoung laughs beside him. Hongjoong leans in closer, just before you’re supposed to get up and whispers softly “Sure you can, but only if you promise to pay attention to me tonight while we’re performing.” He pulls your hand up and kisses the back of your knuckles softly. “I’ll think about it” You reply nonchalantly and stand, feeling a breeze again, you know someone got a look and you can only hope it was Wooyoung.

It wasn’t Wooyoung that seen the flash of red when you stood to walk away, it was Hongjoong. You were nearly his undoing just then, he had to lean back a bit to breath. “That woman must be the devil in combat boots.” He laughed to himself, as the next girl in line sat down. He felt kind of empty after you left though. Your hands were so soft. He wondered how those hands would feel running down his back, or up into his hair. How that blush would look spread across your body, and if it went lower than your neck. He shook it off and told himself, “Get it together Hongjoong, be a professional, you’re the leader.”

Min Seo pulled you over to the side, “This is gonna be over soon, let’s get close to the front like last time. I wanna see San in all his glory.”

“Or you just wanna see San hip thrust his tightly clothed dick in your face, but maybe I’m wrong.” You retort. Wooyoung’s indifference to you, with all the effort you put into yourself, did hurt. You kept glancing over to see if maybe he’d try to steal a quick peek, but you only found one set of eyes on you, and those belonged to Hongjoong.

After the formalities were finished, the boys all grouped up and Min Seo dragged you back to the front again. “Great, just great. I promised Hongjoon I’d pay attention to him, but Wooyoung looks so good today. UGH!” You inwardly chastise yourself.

Then a new song comes on, one you haven’t heard before. The boys are surrounding Hongjoong, and then the music picks up, and He pops out from the middle, rapping his verse while looking you dead in the eyes. “Unlike the daytime, the night is dark. It gets colder when the sun goes down, but we already know. Why are you worried? We are stars for each other.” You try to keep your eyes on him, but Wooyoung just looks so handsome. You can’t help but look at him as his body moves fluidly across the stage. Hongjoong picks up on it, looking over at the younger boy. It hurts him, but he notices your face drops a bit when Wooyoung doesn’t acknowledge you. He’ll take care of that.

The next and final song is Pirate King, and when it comes on, it the same thing as last time. Hongjoong desperately trying to get your attention, but you were having none of it. When they split the group He walks up and tells Wooyoung something, he looks back at you and to his hyung with a wicked smirk on his face. “What are those two up to?” you ponder. Before you know it, your favorite part is nearing. Wooyoung steps out in front and says “Will you be my friend?” With a tilt of his head, and the cute tiny wave but this time he’s looking at you.

“Am I dying?! Is this Heaven?!” Your brain is burning to bits under Wooyoung’s intense stare, even if it doesn’t last but a few seconds. Your smile, and blush returns. Hongjoong notices and his heart feels like it’s flying. He just wants to see you smile even if it’s not at him.

[happypledis]

Get to know me tag

Tagged by @nuest-yakjaro! Wow for once I’m actually doing a tagged thing QUICKLY :O

                                                    1. How tall are you?

legit 1 cm away from 5′7 (I’m 169 cm) though my mom is 5′7 (170 cm) and my dad is 6′1-6′2 (idk exactly? so 180 something cm). I always thought I’d be like 5′9 or taller lol 

2. What color and style is your hair? Light brown! And it’s long and wavy! 2b/c ish on the curl charts??

3. What color are your eyes?

brown-green! they appear only brown to most people but up close they’re actually green. I love brown eyes though so it’s all good!

4. Do you wear glasses? yes, but only for homework/driving etc. I have an astigmatism, aka one amazingly perfect eye that does all the work for the other super bad one. so I wear glasses to help balance it out. I have horrible nighttime depth perception though so :O

5. Do you wear braces? I did for SO MANY years that I would sue if my teeth didn’t come out straight

6. What’s your fashion sense? I have a mix of sporty (like athleisure in a way??), casual, and cute. Weirdly my casual style is like 90′s grunge without the distressing or all the black. Think maybe 90′s grunge shirts/pants/shoes/ etc but in a sunshiney happy way? And also without the black & white striped long sleeves underneath or any grandpa sweaters. Tbh I would wear long sleeves and sweaters 24/7 if I could though I don’t actually match the grunge style for those two. My cute style is like huge sweaters especially pastel with a little k-fashion inspiration?? okay I’m gonna stop lol

7. Full name? I just go by Elle for privacy reasons~

8. Where were you born?

A very diverse suburb in Texas! I love Texas and this area I live in

9. What kind of student are you? Very dedicated. I’m good at school. I love learning and I don’t mind studying. I was not super good at math but other subjects I’ve always done well in. I’m very proud of my grades but who knows what will happen because my uni classes are a bit harder this fall.

10. Do you like school? Yes, as I said I love learning! I was homeschooled and that made learning fun. I didn’t have to learn to the test or worry about drama on the daily. Being homeschooled made it hard to get better at math though as my mom stunkkk even worse than me and my engineer dad would make me cry so a patient teacher I wasn’t related to would have been good there

11. Favorite subject

Basically anything without numbers! I love English (not essays though but I’m gonna major in English so RIP lol) and history most! Science was good when numbers weren’t involved.

12. Favorite TV Shows Hm I don’t really watch TV currently, usually only youtube channels and dramas. But I loved super hero shows like X-Men Evolution, Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Young Justice, etc. I also always liked detective stuff like Psych and this one cool show called Sue Thomas FB Eye. 

13. Favorite Movies

The Narnia movies, anything in the MCU but especially Cap’s movies, Black Panther, & the new spider man. also Tangled & Moana! I like happy stuff mainly. Entertainment for me is for fun so I don’t want super sad or violent stuff in my life >:(

14. Favorite Books This is so hard. Scumble, The Chronicles of Narnia (like @nuest-yakjaro I love CS Lewis too), some super unpopular old medieval-fantasy Christian books given to me by a family friend that really influenced me as a person lol, and the Princess Academy Series. Also anything by Margaret Peterson Haddix.

15. Favorite Past-time Writing, language learning, hanging w/ friends online or off

16. Do you have any regrets? Yes. I regret letting insecurity run my life for way too long. And letting fear stop me from speaking up for myself in friendships/relationships. Life is too short.

17. Dream Job Some sort of job where I can be in the publishing field and maybe travel to Korea & China for the job. (Not for kpop/kboo reasons, I loved the cultures before I liked kpop.) But overall a job where I can help people, and use things I’m good at--English/writing, and other foreign languages, with a slightly flexible schedule.

18. Would you ever get married? If I ever found someone I loved enough to, yes. But I truly love being single, it fits me very well and I don’t have a strong desire for romance in my life 

19. Would you like to have kids? I’ve thought about fostering/adopting older kids or teenagers. I love kids, and little kids, but I don’t see how I could raise young ones alone if I do stay single.

20. Do you like shopping? Depends on the item but nowadays yes!

21. Scariest Nightmare You’ve Had

Mostly kidnapping-centric ones as a kid. I don’t get nightmares so much anymore but I do get them about relationships sometimes which are scary in their own way. Like having people I really care for secretly hating me, for example.

22. Any enemies? none that have ever announced themselves

23. Any significant others?  um. not anymore. i did about a week ago until I had to break it off though

 24. Do you believe in miracles?

very much so. I’m religious and have seen them in my life and in others’.

25. How are you? haha. good besides what happened in #23 I’ll be honest XD

I’ll tag

@pledisanti @nuest-turtle @8eht 

@nuest-beast , @aronquacks / @lazyhani (whichever one you are online to see this @ from lol) 

[guktwt]

love yourself tour experience! ♡  japan and singapore

hi! so i’ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while on twitter but i hate twitter rn so here i am. this january i was blessed with the opportunity to attend love yourself in nagoya (japan) and singapore and honestly? it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i wanted to share my experience because really, concerts in japan and everywhere are else are so different, right from ticketing and the show itself. i thought you guys would find it interesting? and also i need to let this out ahhh keeping to myself is not going to do me any good :( anyways, i hope you find this post somewhat entertaining 💞

under the cut because this got really long sorry 

♡ love yourself in nagoya ♡

first of all, tickets. getting concert tickets (and any ticket, really) in japan is tricky. most kpop groups in japan have a fanclub and if you’re a member, you get the benefit of applying for tickets first (like a presale!). did i say apply? yes i did. in japan, ticketing for concerts adopts a lottery system for presale and general sales usually a month later. 

for presale through fc, you’d have to apply for a lottery on a website and wait to find out if you win or not. you need a fc membership (paid), which also needs you to have a japanese phone number and address in order to apply. and you HAVE to pay your presale tickets in japan because you need to pay them in a convenient store. complicated, i know. FC presale tickets usually give the best seats. there’s no gurantee, but that’s usually the case. fortunately for me, i have a cousin residing in japan to help me with the address (you really need it, they’re going to ship you your membership card) and i found someone on twitter to help me make the payment. if you a apply for lottery, there’s no guarantee you’ll win. so you can apply as many times as you want with a maximum of 2 tickets for each shows. i think i used up all of my luck with this one [sobs]. FC presales usually have more than one round lotteries. 

general sales is much simpler. i dont have enough experience to know the details but it’s usually up on japanese ticketing websites and can use credit cards? dont know if foreign ccs are accepted though. 

oh and all tickets for all sections cost the same!!! so doesn’t matter if you get the best view or worst it’s all equal 

/if you have more questions about this don’t hesitate to send me an ask i don’t know much but i’ve read a lot about it/

you can’t know your seat until a week (or a month? idk) before the concert, when it’s time for you to print your tickets at the same convenient store (yes you have to print them and you can only do it once so don’t lose the damn thing!!). my seat was really good!!! i didn’t get floor sadly but my section was right in front of the extended stage so i got a great view. 

i arrived in nagoya a day before the concert (i spent a week in tokyo beforehand) and queued for merch!!! it was winter so it wasn’t hot at all and the japanese really know how to line up. everything is so organized like??? i was so amazed. i spent a good 4 hours queueing before getting my items and even then a lot of the things i wanted were sold out quickly :( 

and then comes the concert day!!!! basically since it was all seating tickets i didn’t have to worry about queueing for entry but i did queue for merch again,,,, from 4 am. let me tell you how devoted people are there when it comes to queueing. some actually stayed from the afternoon? and it was winter. crazy. 

i entered the dome an hour before the show started and the staff were so kind and helpful whenever i asked for help (i couldn’t find my seat). and everyone around is so kind and warm :( i didn’t really interact with a lot of people due to the language barrier but they’re so . polite. 

and moving on to the show!!!!!! japan has strict rules about recording so i couldn’t do any of that [:(] but honestly it just made me enjoy everything better. of course they were amazing on stage and their japanese were so cute :( i still can’t get over nagoya, nekkoya my pure babies!!! 

and uh . taehyung. so damn fine. can’t believe i was part of the first people to see him reveal his blue hair. and i can’t stress this enough but his gaze when he looks at the audience... i felt the love and fondness in his eyes i wanted to CRY. 

and jimin!!! was so clingy towards joon the whole night ugh we love a baby koala. and jungkook :( he introduced himself as kookoo im so fucking sad. the second he said kookoo desu i was ready to give up my firstborn for him. 

hoseok was a fucking machine. he’s so charismatic on stage i can’t handle him. and seokjin was full on crackhead mode :( we stan a whole legend i love love him so much. my mans yoongi was so?? small yet not??? i wanna put him in my pocket. my mans joon was looking like a whole snacc. all legs and dimples.  

honestly what struck me the most was how everyone gave seokjin a standing ovation and applause after epiphany???? that was my first time seeing something like that and i just started tearing up because it was so beautiful. people were so respectful they didn’t scream or shout when bangtan were doing their ending ments. the fanchants were absolutely on point!!! whenever bangtan bowed i actually spotted some people in my section bowing in return and i was !!!! oh my god 

but on another note you’d think that japanese fans are quiet during shows but theyre really not. they’re loud as hell too they just know when to shut up and listen and i think that’s beautiful. 

the whole thing passed by really quickly. i felt hollow and empty by the time it ended but i have to say that it was the most relaxing and chill concert experience i’ve ever had. it just feels so different than my previous concerts. the only downside about it is the no recording part (i could’ve been sneaky but staff was right in front of my section) i guess. but without worrying about my phone i got to watch them perform. like actually watch them. it felt euphoric. 

♡ love yourself in singapore ♡

ah. 

so for singapore, i got cat 1 purple 2 tickets at first. but because me and my friend wanted yellow initially, we managed to find someone who wanted to trade with us. 

i arrived at the venue at 6 am because i had to distribute banners and fans for my fan support. here’s a pic of them!!!! 

basically for standing ticket holders we were required to queue by 12:30 pm and fortunately my qn got the indoor holding area so i didn’t stay under the heat for long. we started moving to the venue at around 3 or 4 pm even thought they said it would be 2:30 pm. because my qn was large by the time i got inside all the good spots were already taken :( i ended up at the very back sigh and we had to wait for another 2-3 hours before the show starts. it was hot and everyone was thirsty. some people in the pit wanted to sit down but some also stood up so it was rlly cramped :/ 

everyone was hyped tho even when mvs were played. and then when the lights dimmed and the show finally started was where things got really,,, rowdy. when the first beat of idol played everyone pushed forward??? the amount of times i got squished and elbowed and pushed aside... man it was hectic. if you’re claustrophobic please do NOT go for standing in concerts. 

but that aside of course it was amazing loud and crazy. there were accidents here and there. at one point several people actually fell down but everyone helped everyone up. some people got mad and started yelling and others but that’s understandable. it was hot and cramped of course you’d get cranky. 

funny story i got my period two hours before the show and basically bled through my vagina for 3 hours as i watched 7 fine men go off on stage. 

but anyways. 

me and my friend managed to finesse our way from the back row to the third row because we’re amazing. no we did not push if you were there the pit was always moving so we just. squeezed through i guess. i was so fucking tired but when so what came on i forgot that my pants were like fucking soaked and just jammed the fuck out with everyone. they got really close to my section during this and i cant believe i got to see taejin dance together like clubbing buddies. jin is so goofy!!!!!! 

oh but fuck you guys jimin up close is ethereal. he looks so fucking unreal i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him throughout the whole thing. none of the pictures can ever do his beauty justice. he’s so fucking beautiful and i was starstruck. and he sang promise!!! i fucking couldn’t believe he did it. one word to describe him is definitely godly. 

namjoon was so hyped and loud too :( gosh he’s so adorable. hoseok looked crazy beautiful up close too. his aura.... fucking amazing. YOONGI ALSO MADE THE CUTEST EXPRESSION AFTER JIMIN SANG PROMISE I SQEUALED. gosh i was actually really close despite not getting barricade i feel like crying thinking about it now. 

jungkook went so close to my section during so what i got a good fancam of him that i can’t stop watching :( jimin slipped during dna my poor baby but he just laughed it off :(((( 

they all looked prettier irl tbh. they have such nice skin??? and all that shit about jimin being short... well guess what fuckers he’s all LEGS. man. i think i left that stadium as a jimin stan. 

taehyung’s so hot i wanna die n i want the whole of rapline to spit on me thx.

fun times aside the pit is hell. luckily the staff were responsible and gave us drinks after each set of performances. and everyone kind of just understood each other. whenever someone looked like they were about to faint people asked if they were okay. we helped each other and gave each other drinks. at one point during the show i crouched down because i was exhausted and someone asked if i was okay or if i wanted some candy. 

hellish experiences aside, there’s a mutual understanding between everyone in the pit. like, we’re in this together. i’m sweaty and thirsty and tired but i’m here for one thing and so is everyone else. it’s a good feeling. i mean, yeah, i was drenched in sweat and water but. it’s a good feeling. here are some pics!!!! (i have more videos bu t i cba to tak e screenshots ajsjs sorry)

also met some of my twitter mutuals <3 love u guys 

perhaps this is it for my experience post? yeah you can see how different nagoya and singapore were. it was exciting to be able to experience them both. now back to my post concert depression and withdrawal :(