#there's something about being able to convey feelings and then also understanding them through writing

[taegularities]

get you someone who

[vampire-scripture]

Why did Lestat become a Rock star?

So, since there seems to be conflicting views about what the canon is, if it was all for Louis or a more complex reason. I put together a compilation of quotes from the source material that suggest that even if Louis was one of the reasons, it was not the main reason, rather a complex and impulsive decision Lestat made because a wide combination of factors, very in character for Lestat. I will not make arguments, just quote the text, as it is written. If you think I am cherry picking, I am more than open to more quotes or references to the text or Rice's words that would help paint a different picture.

Rice - Vampire Companion

"Lestat," says Rice, "is the bloodthirsty, wolf-killing, violent person who aspires to be something infinitely good and can't be". Lestat also becomes a rock star, partly because he wants to spread vampire lore through his songs in order to inspire mortals to eradicate vampires and partly because he loves to play to an audience: "I could feel the attention as if it were an embrace." He equates actors and musicians with saints, so the medium of rock music seems to him to be the perfect way to do good with his evil nature. - The Vampire Companion

Lestat feels Louis distorted what happened, and did not really know the whole story. He tells his side to set the record straight, to show how much more there is to being a vampire than Louis was able to convey - The Vampire Companion

The Vampire Lestat

Both these quotes are from BEFORE Lestat even knew about Interview with the Vampire

Yes, I wanted to get closer to it. I wanted to do it. Maybe make the little unknown band of Satan's Night Out famous. I was ready to come up. - The Vampire Lestat

I told them that I wanted to sing with them, that if they were to trust to me, we would all be rich and famous. That on a wave of preternatural and remorseless ambition, I should carry them out of these rooms and into the great world. - The Vampire Lestat

AFTER reading IWTV he gives several reasons

To protect / for Louis : 

Regardless, for what (Louis)'d done, others would surely hunt him down. And there are very simple ways to destroy vampires, especially now. If he was still in existence, he was an outcast and lived in a danger from our kind that no mortal could ever pose. All the more reason far me to bring the book and the band called The Vampire Lestat to fame as quickly as possible. (...) And I ached to write my story for him, not an answer to his malice in Interview with the Vampire, but the tale of all the things I'd seen and learned before I came to him, the story I could not tell him before. - The Vampire Lestat

Other reasons (including Louis) - all of them given after the one just quoted above

And I wanted my band and my book to draw out not only Louis but all the 12 other demons that I had ever known and loved. I wanted to find my lost ones, awaken those who slept as I had slept. - The Vampire Lestat

But there was another reason for the whole adventure-a reason even more dangerous and delicious and mad. And I knew Louis would understand. It must have been behind his interview, his confessions. I wanted mortals to know about us. (...) We would be known, and we would be hunted, and we would be fought in this glittering urban wilderness as no mythic monster has ever been fought by man before. How could I not love it, the mere idea of it? - The Vampire Lestat

But to tell the truth, I didn't think it would ever come to that-I mean, mortals believing in us. Mortals have never made me afraid. It was the other war that was going to happen, the one in which we'd all come together, or they would all come to fight me. That was the real reason for The Vampire Lestat. That was the kind of game I was playing. But that other lovely possibility of real revelation and disaster - The Vampire Lestat

But I am going on the stage. I am going to be Lelio again the way I never was in Paris. I will be the Vampire Lestat for all to see. A symbol, an outcast, a freak of nature-something loved, something despised, all of those things. I tell you I can't give it up. I can't miss it. - The Vampire Lestat

"Louis, I mean for something and everything to happen, " I said. "I mean for all that we have been to change! What are we but leeches now-loathsome, secretive, without justification. The old romance is gone. So let us take on a new meaning. I crave the bright lights as I crave blood. I crave the divine visibility. I crave war - The Vampire Lestat

He admits at the end of the book that he put everyone he loved, including Louis, in danger (which admittedly might just be a miscalculation):

I'd realized it for the first time when the Porsche exploded with Louis still inside it. This little war of mine would put all those I loved in danger. What a fool I'd been to think I could draw the venom to myself. - The Vampire Lestat

2. Following books

As I've said, I wrote the book and made the album because I wanted to be visible, to be seen for what I am, even if only in symbolic terms. - Queen of the Damned

And how wondrous this age was, and how I'd become a rock star for a brief time, because I thought that as a symbol of evil I'd do some good. (...) But she must understand, exquisite nun that she was, how much I'd wanted as the rock singer to do good.- The Tale of the Body Thief

I was suddenly furious. “It was for me that I did it!” I said. “All right. I admit it. It was a disaster, but it was for me that I did it. There was no ‘us.’ I didn’t want the human race to wipe us out, that was a lie, I admit it. I wanted to see what would happen, who would show up for that rock concert. I wanted to find all those I’d lost … Louis, and Gabrielle, and Armand and Marius, maybe Marius most of all. That’s why I did it. Okay. I was alone! I didn’t have any grand reason! I admit it. And so goddamned what!” - Prince Lestat

And it was Louis’s outrageous lies about me, intentional and unintentional (some people should not be granted a poetic license) that prompted me to write my own autobiography and tell the secrets of Marius to the whole world.- Lestat, Blood Communion

And as I prepared for my one and only rock concert in San Francisco in the year 1984, I did dream of an immense battle, an apocalyptic confrontation to which elder blood drinkers would be awakened and drawn irresistibly, and young ones incited with fury, and the mortal world committed to stamping out our evil once and for all. Well, nothing came of that ambition. Nothing at all - Blood Communion

Visibility, significance, recognition! All that I’d ever wanted when I took to the rock music stage, all that I’d ever wanted as a boy heading to Paris with a head full of dreams, all I’d ever wanted I now had right here with my brothers and sisters! - Blood Communion

[gcmercury]

doing things you suck at is important

I'm a Gojo gagger and I come by it honestly. I love him from the depths of my soul, he is very special. Does it come from the fact that I relate to him greatly? Maybe so. I cried harder when Ch 236 was leaked than I have at the loss of my last few relationships and personal tragedies that befell me. Why is this?

It's because Gege Akutami managed to put something I had felt my whole life into words. To be able to convey that sort of private loneliness, the one that comes from someone who's been through a great deal and although they've done their best to overcome, it still follows them. It's the Gojo that held himself apart from others, because something in him just couldn't bring himself to either let them in or he just didn't know how to in the same way others do.

It's lonely being neurodivergent. I relate to the messiness of Gojo's delivery when it comes to his feelings. I may say a few grand words and desperately hope they will understand because I can't say anything else. When pushed to the edge, I too am not able to mask and have also been called cruel and cold. "The kind of person who can cut their friends off out of nowhere, so what's to say I'm not next?" I had a (now former) friend say that to me. Recently. And yeah I proved them right I guess.

I feel it all. I have so much feeling to me I've had to learn how to bottle it and use it constructively, or I'd drive myself into ruin. Like learning to harness cursed energy, to use it efficiently.

Like Gojo, maybe I am overlooking the few people that do understand me in some sense. But at the same time I can't help how I feel. I have that part to me that always knows that pang of loneliness, the kind you just know existed before you really knew what it was. There was no reason for it, but you felt it all the same.

I cried because I know the feeling of loving those around you and knowing how much they love you too, and yet knowing what you feel is beyond them. I cried because it gave me hope that when it's my time someday, I'll be surrounded by my friends and family and pets who left before me and I won't be alone, even if I feel lonely my whole life. I cried because of the deep enjoyment of living out your life in a manner that is befitting of who you are despite every sorrow along the way.

Gojo inspired me in a way that woke me up inside during the summer of 2023. I started doing things again I had been subconsciously telling myself I wasn't capable of anymore and proving those thoughts wrong. I felt powerful and motivated and passionate, to be the most of myself.

His death absolutely crushed me. I still can't think about it or read Ch 236 without crying. Hell, I can barely bring myself to re-read parts of Gojo vs Sukuna without getting ridiculously emotional knowing how it ends (And I have this great love for Sukuna too).

Gojo is someone that has millions of admirers and fans. Sometimes I want to curse Gege for writing him so meta. For me, nothing hurts worse than someone loving you for their own fantasy of who you are. They project their fantasies about who they think you are and how you should act onto you, and then get extremely upset when you refuse to comply.

Which finally brings me to the point of this post. I love all of Gojo, and especially his rough edges that make him so real. It's why all of the JJK characters feel so real, because Gege wrote them as if they were, with the mistakes and messy feelings that come with being a real person.

I love that Gojo isn't this perfect mentor/teacher figure. He's late all the time. He's not prepared for class. He's too nonchalant. He's a natural genius and can't teach for shit. He still throws the important details to others. He's made some questionable decisions.

He doesn't have Geto there anymore to bounce things off of, to tell him maybe he shouldn't Hollow Purple Hanami, because they can't tell if that Special Grade curse was exorcised or not LMFAO. So Gojo has to make his own choices, and he is who he is. He makes choices based on that, and really, he does his best. One of my absolute favorite moments in JJK is this beautiful quote by Choso:

Gojo's at the top, and people are looking to him. In that way, he doesn't exactly have someone to ask if he's doing the right things or not. He had to make his choices and live with them, and so he kept making mistakes. He even made some of the same ones multiple times (which is certainly humbling irl).

He sought Megumi out for his talent, to hopefully be his first 'Strong And Intelligent Ally' -- a five, maybe six year old kid. That's not something most people would do, but maybe it speaks to the great respect Gojo has for youth/young people to place his future hopes there. It's evident enough that Gojo tried his best to teach Megumi about jujutsu, while trying to let him still be a kid. Megumi did continue to live with Tsumiki, he attended a normal elementary and middle school. Gojo would even pop in to bug him and take him out for some non-jujutsu related fun:

(The translations of the LNs vary, the printed version says "... Fushiguro was ready for a long haul, similar to one of those Sunday mornings when Gojo would say, 'Megumi, shall we go to Parque España?'")

However, Gojo also had this idea that maybe Megumi would be on his level someday, and then maybe he could understand him. He knows the potential that Megumi holds, and he tried to foster it, and with that, placed expectations on Megumi, who is a very different person than Gojo. Gojo shares bits of his own personal philosophies with him because he recognizes Megumi's talents. There's good intentions behind it -- to never throw one's life away, and the mindset with which you do things matters a great deal.

But for Megumi, who's already struggling with the weight of all the baggage he never asked for and was born with, it's a lot. He does heed Gojo's (and Sukuna's) advice and we see the progress he's able to make mentally and physically, only for him to revert in Shibuya when he summons Mahoraga.

Gojo may have put too much on Megumi, some consciously and some unconsciously. Gojo can only operate in the manner that he knows, and as someone who is a product of his own unfortunate circumstances, he can only project his own experiences. He was an imperfect benefactor/mentor/parental figure of sorts to Megumi, however you read their relationship.

During his time in the Prison Realm, Gojo was forced to really take a look at himself as well as accept certain things. I think it's subtly stated, but supported by his and Yuji's final conversation, that he recognizes the pressure he put on Megumi to rise to his full potential, baked into this beautiful sentiment:

His students don't have to be like him to be strong. He recognizes that there are other great strengths that surpass his own, these things he couldn't do that these brilliant young people can. He's accepted that someone doesn't have to live up to their full potential to have that sort of strength.

He knows that Megumi is just Megumi. And that there's nothing wrong with that. He says as much with the note he left him about killing Toji. That everything is alright between them. As long as Megumi has the desire to live, that's all that really matters. And that he isn't alone (That was the most important thing, that his students weren't alone if something happened to him. Even if in the end he wasn't able to reform the system, he wanted those kids to have someone).

I kinda went on a mini tangent of sorts there, but the point is that Gojo made a lot of mistakes, just like anyone else. He misread Toji's strategy. He wasn't able to save Geto from defecting. He didn't cremate Geto's body and the Shibuya Incident happened. He got rid of all cursed tools that could forcibly dispel his Cursed Technique. He said something racist to Miguel. He misread Sukuna's strategy.

He knew what it was like to lose. He knew the feeling of failure. He carried a lot of unspoken guilt and that twinge of regret with him. He explains in Ch 236 how he stopped feeling like a person, yet he never cast these feelings out. He was much more human than he felt like or realized.

Gojo may have struggled as a teacher, but he came through for his students in the ways it really mattered. He sucked at trying to explain things, but it didn't matter because his heart was in the right place. Because he had a real passion and a deep, unrelenting drive for what he was trying to do. That is so inspiring.

I love that he did his best to protect them, but knew that they would face heartbreak, pain, tragedy one day, and they would need the right tools to be able to handle it. You can't remove sadness, suffering, anger, hatred from the world. There will always be those with ill intentions. To not let those things kill your heart (like what happened with Geto), that's what he wished for his students.

Yuji didn't lay his grandfather to rest alone. He put Yuji's room right next to Megumi's. Gave Megumi the better seat outside. Put in a personal request for Yuji's uniform because he thought he was fond of hoodies. Gave kids who are outcasted or ostracized a place to belong and develop confidence, a reason to live. Organized the baseball game for the final day of the Goodwill Event. Wanted to give his absolute best because his students were watching and he cares what they think. Tracked down Nobara's mom in the case that she would maybe want to see her. Saw Ijichi's talents and pushed him in that direction even if he was an asshole about it. Broke the cycle by giving Megumi the choice for a different path than the one he himself had as a clan kid.

When he says he loves everyone, he meant it.

Gojo could have lived a life full of nothing but things he absolutely excelled at. Instead, he challenged himself doing things he knew he wasn't well suited for because they were important.

If you're really passionate about something, who cares if you suck?

If your hearts really in it, isn't it worth it to struggle?

We learn about ourselves when we purposefully set out to do things we know are difficult for us. It might feel good to do the things we know we can nail, but it doesn't keep us sharp.

Don't lose the feeling of what it's like to fail. Keep failing over and over. Keep making mistakes, even the same ones. It takes courage to fail and even more to laugh at ourselves and carry on when we do. That is its own, supreme strength too.

I am so horrible at a great many things. But I'm gonna do the things I love, even if I am never good at them. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop saying "like" and "um" and "you know" a million times when I'm trying to speak, but that doesn't matter. I'm gonna say it anyway.

I love people who make mistakes too because it keeps us all human. And I love Gojo for the same reason.

[queeriouslyollie]

ACTUAL BRAINWORMS AHEAD ABOUT TROY

i like actually have SO many thoughts about troy yall dont understand. i have so much to say that i dont remember ANY OF IT TO PUT HERE.

its also been to the point that like. its all i think about. its so bad rn too bc i ran outta both my antidepressants and adhd meds (fuck pharmacies theyre all a pain in the ass omg) and so my brain is this mushy slurry of just. troy troy troy wonderlust runt troy troy blink troy. i literally could not focus at work today i had to write in my journal so that i didn't implode.

anyways after this point there are spoilers so dont read on. i woulda tagged it but this post is gonna be so rambly and full of my brainworms that i dont know if i wanna tag this at all lmao. so anyways yeah brainrot brainworms warning if you read ahead,

so yeah i have some like ideas on what troys whole deal is (besides being our [recovering :3] asshole nepo baby).

like first of all, 100% trans coded (like all of charlies characters, like wtf how is this cis guy better at being trans than i am??). please let it be canon i am begging

second, im torn between the theories of him being a little clockwork guy or being a hybrid (like runt and blink n the reclaim guys). its hard to tell what's cannon and what is troy mode comedy shit, but it seems like we may not have ever canonically? gotten a description/confirmation of what is actually under troys suit, and obviously not what may be under his skin. if he is a hybrid that could have some really fucked up connotations asw

third, whats his deal with his family? it's basically been confirmed that his mom's dead (or otherwise just OUT of the picture). his dad is around, for a bit i was SO convinced his dad was gonna be the inventor. either way, whats the deal between them? just nepo neglect? or something worse? i have a feeling either way i WILL be ugly crying. again. to jrwi. about a charlie character. and also siblings?? he said he had a brother. but then when the yort appeared he said he always wanted a brother? so maybe bad relationship there too?

also??? like his character growth?? the amount he has started to be able to convey his respect and care for the team. i love the little part about runt having an actual feeling of looking up to him when they sled down the mountain. they are so sibling coded. troy and blink's little arc was so good too (also like. malewife troy. all im saying about that). and his whole thing in ep 22, the way he was able to twist the perceptions people have of him, and even the fucked up shit he has done, to manipulate (gaslight gatekeep girlboss) his way through that situation. and the team letting him take the reigns!!!!! anyways this makes me wanna compile a list of my fave quotes/interactions/moments/etc from the campaign. i just might.

i genuinely dont know why im SO attached to this goddamn character. theoretically? i should hate him. he is like, literally antithetical to everything i am and stand for. literally a foil to who i am as a person. but like???? idk. as ive said before he's the first character ive ever understood and felt the "i can fix them" thing about lmao. and he has shown character growth,

and to me he seems. misguided? maybe even hurt? by those around him. it seems like those who should have nurtured him failed him. and like. i really empathize that. i kinda feel that a little too much (but from a different lens bc i am the furthest thing from a nepo baby lmfao). and not to psychoanalyze him (more), it seems to me that maybe deep down he thinks very lowly of himself. bro is literally prince charming but was surprised when aeon called him pretty boy?? like i mean obv, he's not the brightest guy around, but i also think he should give himself more credit where its due, and he might not appreciate his achievements enough and seems to beat himself down when he doesnt reach his own standards. he also seems very touch starved (or just. any [authentic] slightly positive interaction starved in general)

or maybe im just projecting too hard onto him oops lmao. thats the vibe i get tho

if you read all this i think youre probably just as ill as i am about this guy and like. respect. or maybe youre just bored or thought there would be something smart in here, in which case i deeply apologize for my word vomit

anyways i think im gonna go rewatch wonderlust from the start for like the fifth time. or riptide for the like 12th (god give us our funy lil pirates back!!!) because. i lobv them

[yuzurujenn]

[2024.12.07] Echoes of Life Official Pamphlet Interview

YUZURU HANYU Interview

Q: How did the theme and concept of "Echoes of Life" come about? A: At first, I roughly thought of using philosophy as the theme. Later, when thinking about what kind of story to tell, I came up with around seven potential ideas in my mind. After filtering them, I ultimately settled on philosophy.

Q: After "GIFT" and "RE_PRAY," how did these experiences influence the theme and subject matter of this new project? A: "GIFT" was a bit like an autobiography. Through my existence, it told the preciousness of dreams. Everyone has dreams, but they might have forgotten them, and working towards those dreams is the meaning of my existence, something along those lines. "RE_PRAY," on the other hand, was about challenging how to express something I particularly like and elevate it along with the theme I wanted to convey. When creating "ICE STORY 3rd," I felt that the game theme in "RE_PRAY" had a strong impact, so the attention to the theme and subject matter would be stronger. I thought that just having a story might not be enough. I considered whether I should use a book, a game, or a town as a medium. After thinking about various possibilities, I concluded that a novel format would be the best, with philosophical elements woven into it.

Q: This time, you can read the storybook before the performance. A: This time, I decided to write it in the style of a novel, using literary style including punctuation and sentence structure, rather than my own conversational tone. Up until now, while I haven’t written in a poetic form, I have directly organized my personal feelings or the emotions of the characters into a story. But this time, I’ve added more situational details and descriptions to the story line. I hope that, by understanding these aspects, the audience can experience the images and performances at the same time. Of course, we’ve thought about how to make the audience feel something when watching the performance even if they don’t know the story. But if they know the story, they’ll be able to understand the details of "Nova" (the protagonist) and the world more deeply.

Also, I feel that reproducing exactly what I wrote might come across as cheap or too indulgent. While thinking about how to present it as a skating performance and create the visuals, I decided to leave the textual descriptions to the text itself. It might be better if the audience reads the storybook first.

Q: How did you write this story? A: I wrote it by hand. I always write by hand, even for "GIFT" and "RE_PRAY." I scribble on loose-leaf paper or blank sheets. Although I don't record the material exactly as it is, I often accumulate the content I want to tell and quotes that have influenced me in the notes app on my phone, and then write based on that. Writing by hand feels like a more direct connection to the brain, and it's easier for the brain to give instructions. Also, when typing on a phone or computer, predictive text comes up, and I feel like my words stop being my own. I don’t want to be led by predictive text, so I prefer writing by hand. Then, as I read it in my mind, thinking "maybe I should delete this part," I type it little by little into the computer. This time, I actually already had a story written, but after deciding on the title 'Echoes of Life,' I started over and wrote a new story from scratch. From writing by hand to typing and editing, I stayed up for three nights straight to complete it.

Q: Writing the story in three days or staying up for three nights is pretty intense! A: This time, I really wanted a cohesive story, so I thought, "If I don’t finish writing it now, the imagery of the story in my mind will collapse." Of course, it’s also because I had a deadline… If I didn’t submit it soon, it’ll be a problem! (laughs)

Q: What did you base your writing on? A: For "GIFT," I was influenced by lyrics from songs I liked. In "RE_PRAY," I was more influenced by instrumental music and the dialogue from games than by lyrics. This time, I read about four philosophy books and five novels. I’m not really someone who excels at writing, and I thought I only know how to write in a conversational tone. The words that come from my heart are very close to how I speak, and I thought if I just wrote them directly as a novel, it would feel too rough. Writing in poetry allows for that kind of expression, but if I'm writing a prose, I need to first internalize the structure of an essay, so I read several novels that interested me. I'm not good at continuously reading text, so I listened to the book's narration while following along with the written words, jotting down parts that I thought, "Ah, I really like this." Of course, this time, I was also influenced by games and lyrics.

Q: What books did you read? A: The books that influenced me the most this time were " The Trouble with Being Born " (by Emil Cioran) and "Underwater Philosophers" (by Rei Nagai). I combined the philosophy of life I learned in university with questions I’ve been pondering since young, like "What is life?" and "What am I?" Through this process, I realized that I needed to study more to fully grasp it, so I revisited philosophy more deeply and based the story on that knowledge.

Q: Are there new programs this time? A: Yes, there are quite a few!

Q: That’s very exciting! Why did you decide to include so many new programs? A: I just thought, "This song fits perfectly here," and chose the music accordingly. It ended up naturally turning out this way. When I worked on RE_PRAY, I arranged the songs the same way. But honestly, the theme of RE_PRAY was, in some ways, a bit bold. Since it was based on a game theme, it was very different from GIFT’s style, so if I had made it entirely based on my own interests, it might have alienated the audience that follows figure skating. So, although I had a lot of songs I wanted to use, I ultimately decided to focus on showcasing the game elements in the first half, and in the second half, I went with a more traditional style, integrating more figure skating-like programs. This ended up aligning with what I wanted to express, which was the duality of life. But this time, since it's a completely new story, I felt that using new programs was the best way to present it. Also, I seem to have become less concerned with overthinking things now. Or perhaps, because this time isn't just focused on my own interests, I thought, "This program works well" and "This song is nice too," so the song selection process went very smoothly.

Q: What is it like working with MIKIKO-sensei and the team to create ice shows? Since 'RE_PRAY' was a tour, we made many adjustments and identified many areas that needed attention. I also felt there were many aspects that required further evolution. Because I’ve spent a lot of time involved with stage direction, I’ve become able to view my performance not only from an acting perspective, but also start thinking, 'Maybe this lighting would be better,' or 'It would be better to add this program after this scene,' and even when creating the story, I think, “It should be shown this way.” I’ve really started to approach things from a more overarching perspective.

Additionally, I feel that I’ve become more reliant on others. There are many more situations where I think, 'This is not my area of expertise, so I’ll let go and entrust my worldview and concept to everyone.' On the other hand, there are places where I absolutely cannot compromise, and this tug-of-war is also a troublesome dilemma, but I’ve started to be able to think deeply about it.

Q: The premiere of Echoes of Life is also your 30th birthday! Happy Birthday! A: Thank you, but it's not actually my birthday yet (laughs).

Q: What are your thoughts on the premiere coinciding with your birthday, and turning 30? A: Of course, I have many thoughts. First, since Echoes of Life is themed around life, birth, and growth, I feel like the overlap with my birthday gives it a fateful feeling. From that day onward, Echoes of Life begins, and I think this mirrors the beginning of my own life in some way. Plus, it starts on a birthday that’s a multiple of 5 or 10, which makes it feel even more like destiny. As for turning 30... well, it’s more like the shift from ��almost 30” to “in my 30s” (laughs).

Q: It's exactly 30, huh? A: Yeah, but I don’t feel like my body is deteriorating as I once imagined, and I can still skate so well! And even in this state, I am still needed by many people, and this once again makes me feel so touched, or rather, so happy. I feel that I must push myself and work hard!

Q: I only mentioned your turning 30 because it’s a nice round number, but honestly, I don’t feel your age. What I feel is that since the RE_PRAY tour, you’ve been strengthening your body again, and you seem even stronger now. A: As I got older, my expressiveness deepens, which is something that can happen in any field. But my foundation, the most important part, is as an athlete. I’ve been figure skating for 25 years, and that part of me continues to evolve even at the age of 30. That makes me really happy, and I’m able to still have hope for myself, or rather, I feel anticipation for the future.

Q: By the way, do you remember anything from when you were 20? A: Of course I do! It was during Barcelona Grand Prix Final. I was super restless on my 20th birthday, as if the world would change just because I turned 20. That’s how anxious I was (laughs).

Q: Did the world change? A: Not at all (laughs). After that experience, I feel that even if it’s my 30th birthday, a year or a day will just pass by as a commemoration, and basically, nothing will change. But after all, I am an athlete, so I will definitely feel the changes in my body more and more. DNA will continue to be damaged anyway, so I think there will definitely be changes. However, I don’t think these changes will necessarily happen in multiples of five years. Change will come when it’s time, and the opportunity for change isn’t measured in time units like years. So, I’m relatively optimistic about this aspect. I don’t think, "My body will change at this moment." When I was 24, I really felt that my body had changed deeply, and I was troubled by the thought, "I’m getting old, and I can’t do it." But once I got past that point, I felt, "It’s still early!" "There are so many things I can do—why am I talking about being old?!" "It’s just things I haven’t done yet!" (laughs). I’ve learned a lot so far, and I’ll continue to learn in the future. As long as there’s room for continuous learning and improvement, even if I’m approaching 40—an age generally associated with a decline in physical strength—I think the gains from evolution will far outweigh the losses from decline.

Q: After hearing such inspiring words, I have one more question. Do you remember anything from your 10th birthday? A: I went to Tampere when I was 10.

Q: Oh, that’s when you competed at the Santa Claus Cup in Tampere, Finland, right? A: Yes, when I was 10, it was my first international competition. After winning that first international competition, I was on the plane home, listening to Bridge of Glory and crying... I was looking out the window, thinking, “Have I really made it this far?” And I just cried there (laughs). It’s funny, right? Don’t you think it’s funny? (laughs)

Q: That’s very cute (laughs), you must have been really emotional. A: Yeah, I was really happy. It was 2004, the Athens Olympics were in the summer, so the theme song was Bridge of Glory (NHK’s official theme for the Athens Olympics). I listened to it on my MD player. Every time I hear that song, I remember being in that airplane cabin (laughs). That was when I was at my strongest.

Q: Now, 20 years later, what are your thoughts on Echoes of Life? A: Right now, there are still many new programs that need choreography, and I need to focus on creating them. As the title Echoes of Life suggests, I want to pour my soul into every part of the creation process. Even though the tour means the program will constantly evolve, first and foremost, I want to create the perfect and best performance for the premiere. I will do my best!

MIKIKO Interview

Q: How did you first encounter "Echoes of Life"? A: After finishing RE_PRAY, we started discussing the theme for the new ICE STORY, and Hanyu-kun frequently mentioned “philosophy” and having “words to leave an impression.” When I heard this, I told him, "This really sounds like your style, and it seems like it will be really interesting!" I also said, "It feels like it will be different from past works, which is great." Later, I received a rough outline of the plot, and soon after, I got the full story.

Q: What was your impression after reading the story? A: Since it was written in the form of a novel, it felt lighter to read. However, the detailed scenes and the depiction of emotions in the language were very much infused with the unique beauty of Japanese language nuances, so I thought, "This is really difficult!" (laughs) It was hard to translate it into a performance. Since I was imagining how to bring it to life on the ice while reading, from the perspective of how to express the story, it was really challenging.

Q: What specific parts did you find difficult to represent? A: For example, the line “a slight cold sweat broke out in my stomach” is interesting to read, but then I had to think about how to turn that expression into an image or a performance. Additionally, like with RE_PRAY, each team member had different interpretations of the story after reading it. While this made it interesting, it also took a lot of time to harmonize. Just like with RE_PRAY, I think we’ll only understand after the official performance, “Ah, so this is what Hanyu-kun wanted to convey!”

Q: Was there anything special in your approach to the stage design? A: Normally, I’m responsible for directing live concerts or choreography for each song. For example, when I choreograph, I want the composers and lyricists to feel that their work is being presented even better and shine even more. The same goes for directing. In Echoes of Life, the original creator himself is performing, so I think the most important thing is to understand his intentions as much as possible. However, I also have to look at the work as objectively as possible. So, I try to view it from multiple perspectives—Hanyu-kun’s perspective when he was writing, the audience’s perspective, the perspective of his most loyal fans, or even someone who doesn’t know anything about him. I incorporate all of these viewpoints into the stage design. During this process, I try to set aside my own subjective thoughts. Even though it may still end up with a “MIKIKO style,” I believe I completely stripped my own biases while creating it.

Q: Did you choreograph for Hanyu in Echoes of Life? A: Yes, I choreographed a new program and also made adjustments to others. From RE_PRAY to Echoes of Life, Hanyu has done a lot of foundational dance training. I taught him all the training techniques that professional dancers go through. I think he’s probably been integrating those movements into his figure skating training day by day. So, when I choreographed for him this time, I felt like his body had almost found a new way of expressing itself. This physical transformation left a strong impression on me.

Q: What exactly was the change? A: Last time, it felt like he was trying to somehow integrate dance into his figure skating body. But this time, it felt more like I was choreographing for a professional dancer. He’s always been great at mirroring movements, so before, he probably focused on memorizing the 'form' of the movements and then forcing his body, which felt awkward, into that 'form,' practicing it repeatedly. Now, however, it’s become more about understanding how to use the body and then adding the 'form' on top of that. This reverse approach, I think, makes it easier for him.

Q: What specific techniques did you teach, MIKIKO-sensei? A: It was really basic, foundational training. Dancers will incorporate ballet techniques, so that was part of it, along with some stretching methods. Also, as a body meant to be appreciated in 360 degrees, there’s a training method where you place a plate on your palm and perform movements without letting the plate fall. Even if the front of the body can ensure the plate doesn’t fall, to prevent it from falling from the back, you need to keep the back flexible. This kind of training helps to create a more three-dimensional body. So-called dance movements are all connected; curves and circles need to be completed in one continuous motion. If a joint is stiff in any part, the movement becomes rigid. And we try to make all movements flow as curves. I also taught him exercises to relieve joint stiffness, so I feel that now his nerves can more effectively reach every corner of his body.

Q: Hanyu has incorporated so many new things! A: He said he was originally self-taught, analysing 'to perform this kind of movement, I probably need to use my body this way.' I think his analysis has come together this time. It’s like he not only solved the current problems but also answered some of the questions he had before.

Q: This is your third time directing one of his ice shows. What is unique about the experience of directing an ice show? A: Ice shows continue to present new challenges for me. One distinctive aspect is that the size of the rink is always fixed, so the challenge lies in creating a unique visual experience within those constraints. While the fixed size can be limiting, it’s also exciting. In contrast to performances with more confined spaces, ice shows offer a generous amount of space to work with. It feels like painting on a canvas full of endless possibilities, and finding ways to transform the rink visually is a deeply rewarding challenge.

Q: You once said at the end of RE_PRAY, “I wonder what kind of work I would make next if I had the chance.” A: While working on “RE_PRAY,” I kept thinking about what might come next. From a visual perspective, I was certainly pondering that very question. As for the story, I felt that Hanyu-kun had fully expressed his own story through GIFT and RE_PRAY. So, I was looking forward to seeing if he would step outside of his own framework and what kind of story might emerge if he did. In the end, he created an entirely new protagonist, "Nova," and wrote a completely different story. I really didn’t expect it to change this much.

Q: As a director, how would you describe Echoes of Life? A: I think it’s a work that can showcase greater potential. In past works, the focus was more on how to showcase Hanyu Yuzuru as an artist and how to design a performance within the framework of figure skating. This time, it feels like the subject has shifted, and the focus is more on presenting a cohesive story. It feels fresh and also makes me feel like I’m being tested (laughs).

Q: Following RE_PRAY, this time you’ll also be touring in three cities. What is the appeal of touring? A: Yes, each venue has different perspectives, so it really tests our ability to adjust once we enter the venue. But the essence of touring is that the same work can offer completely different experiences and feelings in different venues. So, I plan to fully make use of the characteristics of each venue.

Q: One of the venues is Hiroshima, your hometown. A: It’s rare to secure the Hiroshima Green Arena. Echoes of Life explores themes of life and peace, and performing it in Hiroshima, especially around the time when the Japan Confederation of A- and H-Bomb Sufferers Organizations received the Nobel Peace Prize, feels almost like a miracle.

Q: What is it like working with this team? A: While all concerts and stage performances are difficult, the mountain we have to climb in ice performances is something that no other project can compare to. When I first received the original work, I instantly felt like a very high mountain was in front of me (laughs). Facing this towering mountain, we can only take it step by step, and right now, we can’t even see the summit. We can only start climbing from here, hand in hand (laughs). We’ve been thinking about how to make the audience understand this piece clearly within two and a half hours. The fundamental theme of the work is life and the things Hanyu has always cherished, so we must approach it with sincerity. The sense of unity, as everyone comes together to face this challenge, is especially strong.

Q: You’re climbing a mountain whose peak you can’t see yet. A: It feels like starting from a place where nothing is visible, and gradually being able to faintly see a hint of the summit. And when we step onto the stage, there's this feeling of being suddenly pulled to a higher place. The feeling of everyone working together toward that goal is truly joyful. Perhaps it's through this that we experience the value of what we’re doing. People from different fields come together at this point in time. 'How to minimize costs in a short period and complete the work efficiently'—these are the demands of the times. But this work allows us to set those concerns aside for a while, to handle things carefully, and to deliberately choose the tasks that are time-consuming and labour-intensive. That’s ICE STORY. It gives a sense of returning to the original intention. Although returning to that intention is also quite tough for me, this is the essence of ICE STORY. I think this quality may stem from Hanyu’s focus and self-discipline... I believe everyone involved in this work probably shares the same feeling.

Source: https://weibo.com/6473801248/P4gBakkFHhttps://weibo.com/6473801248/P4m5t0zmHhttps://weibo.com/6473801248/P5aCiDUf7https://weibo.com/6473801248/P4ePVBkFG

[awkwardtickleetoo]

Twinkle Toes

stumbles in covered in blood……. hi everyone

i first started writing this fic as a joke i’ll be completely honest lmao. i did Not expect to finish it, or for it to be halfway decent, OR to actually post it, OR for people to actually WANT me to post it. but here we are.

jokes aside i actually am really glad you guys are so interested in this fic, i was really worried it wasn’t right to post/no one would wanna read something like this so i appreciate your enthusiasm so so much, thank you guys <333

special thank you to @wishitweresummer for reading this one, i knew right from the start this would be right up summers alley lmao so i’m glad she ended up liking it!! and extra special thanks to @mushiewrites as always for being there through the whole process and even being the one i was joking with when i brought this fic into existence lmao

without further ado, here is the infamous pedicure fic

lee!george, kinda ler!dream???? not really tho it is entirely the nail tech lady doing the tickling lmao, 4k words

enjoy!!

--

“I haven’t had a pedicure in so long, I really need to go soon…” Dream spoke quietly, thinking out loud as he skimmed through his busy phone calendar. “It’s been… almost two months, apparently.”

“Does that stuff actually, like… do anything?” George asked curiously, bringing his arm up to rest his head on top of it, leaning back against the couch and curling his legs under the throw blanket draped on his lap.

“A pedicure? I mean, yeah, definitely, it’s just fixing up your nails, really,” Dream explained, also leaning back to stay face to face with George.

“That’s all they do? Just, like, cut your nails for you?” George asked with furrowed eyebrows, still interested in the process even if he was confused about the appeal. He didn’t necessarily understand the point, but he supposed he wasn’t exactly the target demographic. Dream seemed to like it, though, so he still listened anyway.

“No, they do other things too. They, like… soak your feet and put soap and oils and salts and stuff in the water and they, like, clean and exfoliate everything and then massage you and put on lotion. Then they’d usually paint your nails if you want, but I never do that so they just put some clear shit on to finish everything off,” Dream explained, waving his hand around near the end, less sure of the actual nail polishing part than the rest of the process. “I’m sure there's more to it but that’s what I can remember.”

“Oh, that sounds… pleasant,” George replied sarcastically, a grimace on his face at the thought. His toes curled under the blanket, almost able to feel what Dream was describing– a total stranger manhandling his feet and… well, he already forgot half of what Dream said, but his point still stood.

“It is, idiot,” Dream joked, shoving George’s shoulder and making them both chuckle. “But no, it actually is really nice. It’s relaxing, at least I think so, I know some people disagree, but… I dunno, it’s refreshing, I feel like,” Dream continued, and George shook his head fondly at him, the smile on his lips discrediting any amount of disapproval he tried to convey. “You should come get one with me,” He suggested, and George scoffed incredulously.

“Uh, no, definitely not, that sounds like a terrible idea,” George replied, his stomach fluttering at the suggestion. He wasn’t as displeased as he expected to be, he was actually kind of intrigued, but he was definitely not about to admit that.

“Oh, c’mon, it’ll be fun! And it actually is good for you, too, from what I’ve heard,” Dream continued, his face softening as he leaned closer to George, trying to catch his eyes as he bit his lip to hold back a smile. He could tell George wanted to laugh with him, so he leaned into the silliness and reached forward to grab one of George’s legs out from under the blanket. “No, I get it, you’re probably worried about your tiny little doll feet getting hurt.”

“WH– Dream!” George yelped, leaning forward and shoving Dream away from him, but Dream just laughed and cupped his hand around George’s socked foot, squeezing it, his other hand still holding his ankle tightly. George couldn’t help but laugh at his stupidity, his cheeks flushed pink from embarrassment.

“No, it’s okay, really! I’d be scared too if I had to let someone handle something as delicate as these,” Dream replied, shaking George’s foot around in the air and making him laugh even harder, throwing his head back against the couch and groaning in frustration. “I’m shocked you don’t walk with a permanent arch like Barbie.”

“Oh my god, you’re so dumb! Get off me!” George complained as he finally yanked his leg out of Dream’s iron grip, throwing his blanket back over his legs to protect himself and crossing his arms over his chest, slumping back into the cushions and huffing out all the built up energy in his chest, squirming in his seat. Dream gave him a few seconds to breathe, before shuffling closer, sitting cross legged facing him instead.

“It’s alright, I know how you get with this kind of thing, but I’ll be there the whole time to make sure no one does anything that you’re not okay with,” Dream said genuinely, making George smile softly at his words. Dream smiled back, tilting his head and leaning in further to finish his pitch. “Come on. We can go this weekend. My treat, that way if you hate it, you can just forget it ever happened… Deal?”

George looked at him for a few seconds, weighing his options in his head. He could never say no to Dream, especially about something he was determined to get George to do, and he couldn’t deny the curiosity and the butterflies swirling around in his tummy. He rolled his eyes, giving in and telling Dream he would try it, and he supposed it might’ve been worth it to see the victorious look on Dream’s face when he did.

Before he knew it, it was two days later, and they were pulling into the parking lot of a nail salon before he could even process what he’d gotten himself into.

He bit his lip nervously as Dream turned off the car and unbuckled his seat belt, ready to walk in without a second thought. Once he noticed George’s hesitation, he paused, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” He asked kindly, voice soft so he wouldn’t add to George’s anxiety. “I was just messing with you the other day, you don’t actually have to do this if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“No, no, I’m alright. I promise,” He assured, and Dream squeezed his shoulder in understanding. “I’m just kinda nervous more than anything, I don't really… know what to expect.”

“Yeah, the first couple times can be scary. But they’ll walk you through everything as they do it.”

“I also hate people touching my feet, Dream. It’s weird– they’re gonna, like, they’re gonna get their stupid glizz on my toes or something and everything’s gonna be wet and cold and they’re gonna touch me– that’s fucking– that’s so weird, Dream, that’s weird,” George rambled, and Dream couldn’t help the laugh he let out at his wording. “What?! I’m serious!”

“No, you are not,” Dream said through his laughter, finally swinging the car door open and getting ready to step out. “Firstly, you’re being so dramatic, and secondly, do not ever say ‘glizz’ in that context ever again in your life.”

“You’re so gross. Get your mind out of the gutter!” He called as Dream closed the door behind him, rolling his eyes and reluctantly forcing himself out of the car too. He followed Dream through the door of the salon, holding it open for both of them to enter with a soft ding of the bell above the door frame.

“Good morning! How are we doing today?” The nail tech greeted warmly from behind the front desk, a slight Southern twang to her voice.

“We’re good! Uh, we’re just here for two pedicures, I called a couple days ago?” Dream explained, smiling kindly at her. “The appointment should be under George,” He finished, flashing George a smile and making him roll his eyes.

“Let’s see here… yep! Gotcha right here, right on time, you can come on back,” She continued, motioning for them to follow her to a private room past the waiting area, holding the door open for them and flicking the lights on.

The walls were painted a light brown color, with white and beige curtains lining the farthest wall covering the windows, but still letting a bit of sunlight in. There were a fair few pieces of furniture; four large leather chairs with empty water basins at the foot of them, two on either side of the room, with a table on either side and a cabinet between each pair, with a small lamp on top. The lamps were turned off, but the room was still illuminated by the warm lighting of the overhead chandelier and a set of string lights by the curtains. Other than that, there were some throw pillows on the chairs, a few shelves on the walls with different nail polish bottles, and a small desk next to the door with a large framed mirror hanging above it.

“Y’all make yourselves at home, get comfortable, I’m gonna get all my stuff together and I’ll be right back.” The nail tech said, and both boys nodded at her.

“Sounds good, thank you!” Dream replied, George tacking on a quiet ‘thank you!’ of his own, and she smiled at them before walking away, closing the door about halfway behind her.

When George turned back around, Dream was already sitting on the edge of one of the chairs, reaching down to unlace his shoes and slipping them both off, clearly familiar with the process. He looked up after a few seconds, smiling knowingly at George and leaning over to pat the other chair.

“C’mon, sit,” Dream spoke softly, coaxing him over and chuckling when George reluctantly did so, sitting on the edge as well, facing Dream.

“You really went all out, didn’t you?” George teased, leaning his shoulder against the back of the chair and tilting his head, earning another laugh from Dream.

“Not really, it wasn’t that big of a deal to ask for a room. Plus, I figured you’d want the privacy. I think it might help you relax more.”

“Yeah, I’ll be soooo relaxed while some random lady touches my feet for an hour,” George replied, clearly bashful, though his tone lacked any bite, and Dream could tell he appreciated the gesture anyway.

“Relax,” Dream said as he reached downwards, gently taking one of George’s ankles in his hand and guiding his leg up to prop his foot up on his knee.

“What are you–“

“Shh,” Dream shushed, glancing up at him just in time to see his flushed cheeks and the dumbfounded expression on his face as he started untying his shoe for him. His touch remained gentle and steady, fingers careful as they pulled at the laces, slipping it off and holding him still as he leaned over to place it on the floor next to his own. George scoffed, his toes instinctively curling at the new level of exposure, but Dream simply continued on. He pushed George’s leg back, letting it drop to the floor, before repeating the process with his other shoe. “Just chill. It’ll be fun, I promise.” Dream let his foot drop back down, breaking into giddy laughter when George just stared at him in confusion.

“Shut up! Why would– You’re such an idiot!” George complained, face flushing, sliding back against the chair and curling his legs up. He yanked his socks off and threw them on top of his shoes before crossing his arms over his chest and pouting, all while Dream laughed at him from a few feet away. He was about to protest some more when the nail tech came back into the room with an arm full of towels and a clear plastic case, closing the door behind her.

“Alright, who’s up first?” She asked, setting her supplies down on the desk. Before George could even think of an answer, Dream had already beat him to it.

“He is.”

“What?!” George asked, whipping his head around to look at Dream. “Why?!”

“Because I said so.”

“This was your idea, though!”

“Exactly, which is why you’re going first,” Dream finalized, turning his attention back to the nail tech with a smug smile on his face. “This is his first time,” He explained as she wheeled the small round chair over from under the desk, setting it in front of George’s chair and sitting down, nodding with a small laugh of her own. George scoffed at the wording, rolling his eyes and rubbing a hand through his hair.

“Ohh, I see, we’re a little nervous?” She asked, looking up at George, who shifted in his seat and looked down at the chair as he replied.

“Yeah, def– definitely a bit nervous,” He said with a laugh. He didn’t feel good about admitting that, but he didn’t want to seem rude by not answering honestly.

“Well, don’t you worry, darlin’, there’s nothing to be afraid of,” She replied as she turned the faucets on the basin connected to George’s chair, letting water flow into it and testing the temperature with the tips of her fingers. “Unless you’re ticklish, then I can’t promise anything,” She finished, and George felt his stomach drop about six stories.

He hadn’t even considered that. How the fuck did he not think of that?

His eyes widened, and he glanced over at Dream, who had a shit-eating grin on his face, laughing at George’s expression. George couldn’t help but laugh too, in awe of the sheer ridiculousness of the situation, dropping his head down to hide in the crook of his elbow and leaning on the arm of the chair. He heard the nail tech chuckle at them as well, picking his head up just in time to watch her sprinkle some salts and pour some soap into the tub, turning the water off shortly after.

“Alright, you ready, baby?” She asked cheerfully, shooting George a kind smile, and he let out a sigh to calm his own nerves.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” He replied, earning another laugh from the other two. The nail tech held out her hands, motioning for George to bring his legs closer, and gently took his ankles in her hands when he pushed them close enough, guiding him towards the basin.

He let out a soft breath when his feet touched the warm water, decently impressed by how perfectly relaxing the temperature was. For the first time that day since the car ride to the salon, he felt the tension ease from his shoulders, and thought the experience might not be as terrible as he anticipated. He leaned his head back against the chair, shifting slightly to get more comfortable as he relaxed more and more, sharing idle small talk with Dream or the nail tech whenever he was prompted.

After a while, he heard the nail tech clear her throat and begin rustling around in her bag of supplies, and he blinked his eyes open, only then realizing he had even closed them. He watched her take a few tools out, things that he couldn’t guess the names of if he tried, only recognizing the nail file and clippers out of the handful she had, and he furrowed his eyebrows as she turned her attention back to him.

“Don’t worry,” She began, reaching forward to pull his left foot out of the water, propping his heel up on the edge of the basin. “I’ll be gentle,” She assured, and George let out a shaky breath, mentally preparing himself for the worst. He glanced over at Dream, who simply smiled at him, turning towards George’s chair to keep an eye on the situation.

Then, she got to work. She began with clipping and filing his nails, then pushing back and trimming his cuticles, occasionally dipping his foot back into the water to refresh his skin for the next step.

Thankfully, that part wasn’t nearly as bad as George anticipated. There were some hiccups– for example, when he squirmed and giggled each time her nails grazed the below his toes when she switched between nails, or how he jumped and squealed when she slid over the side of his foot. Or, of course, when he yanked his foot out of her grip when she scratched down his sole in a way that definitely felt intentional even though she swore it was an accident, and he giggled so much he needed to hide his face and had to be coaxed back into position by both her and Dream. That didn’t exactly help with his embarrassment.

Despite how flustered and nervous George already was, and how much his cheeks burned at the thought of it getting any worse, he managed to tough it out when she repeated the process with his other foot, finishing off with some weird citrusy cuticle oil that he didn’t understand but had to admit smelled really, really good when she reached forward to let him smell it.

She gave him a few moments to calm himself down, which he was very grateful for, but his time was cut short when he finally felt like the warmth of his cheeks was under control.

“Okay, darlin’,” She began, looking up at George with a sweet, sympathetic look in her eyes, holding something in her hand that he couldn’t entirely see. “You’re about to really not like me anymore.”

“Why, what is it?” He asked nervously, curling his toes and pulling his feet up onto the back of the water basin, away from the nail tech. She chuckled at him, reaching forward to grab his ankles again, and he let out a giggle against his own will before she even did anything. She pulled his right foot forward, letting his left stay free to move, and then dipped whatever was in her hand into the soapy water. As she did so, George finally caught a glimpse of what it was.

A scrubbing brush.

Why the hell did he agree to this?

“Oh God,” He groaned, attempting to pull his leg back, but her grip on his ankle remained just as strong as her knowing smirk, which only made the pit in his stomach grow wider. He held onto the arms of the chair, digging his fingers into the plush leather material, biting his lip and still curling his toes anxiously. His left foot came back to rest on the edge of the basin, his leg swaying side to side, until Dream rested his palm on his knee to stop the movement, and George whipped his head around to glare at him. “You’re not helping.”

“I’m not trying to,” Dream replied, and George would’ve had a snarky rebuttal ready, but he suddenly felt the bristles of the brush swipe over his sole once, and his attention was immediately focused on that instead.

“Oh–“ George choked out with a gasp, clamping his lips together and squeezing his eyes shut. The brush swiped over his foot again, then again, and again, until she was properly scrubbing it clean, the soap and water only aiding the brush in sliding over his smooth skin.

George thought he was going to implode, and the look on his face sure didn’t help to hide that.

“If you need to laugh you can laugh, sweet pea,” The nail tech said kindly, drawing a muffled giggle from George as he shook his head, curling to the side and dropping his head down to hide in the crook of his elbow, resting his arm against the chair. “Aww, look, I almost gotcha!”

“Ohohoh–“ George fought, curling up even further, contorting himself to hide as much as possible as his laughter started flowing freely, unable to keep it in any longer. Right as he did so, the brush moved back down to his heel, making him try to yank his foot back again as more raspy laughter fought its way out of him. “WHA– hahaha–!”

“There you go! I knew those giggles were in there somewhere!” She praised, letting the brush glide up to his toes, tightening her grip as she attacked the underside of them and making his entire body tense up.

“Oh myhyhy Gohohohod!” He laughed helplessly, foot flinching in her grasp as he squirmed in his seat. His left leg bounced against the edge of his chair, trying to expel any energy he possibly could, still death gripping the arm of the chair with the hand he wasn’t currently shielding his blushing face with. “Whahaha–“

“Is he always this jumpy?” She asked, directing her question to Dream, laughing along with George when he shook his head at the question.

“Oh, always,” Dream confirmed, chuckling as well.

“Fuhuhu– mmm– hmhmhm–“ George hummed against his hiding place, taking in some much needed air as the nail tech pulled the brush away and gently placed his foot back in the basin of water, still just as warm and comforting as when they first started, which made him realize that what had felt like the eternity he’d been trapped with two demons set to destroy him hadn’t really been that long at all.

“He wants to curse you out so bad right now,” Dream teased, breaking into laughter when George reached out to blindly hit him, eventually finding his leg and slapping him with so little force it was almost pitiful. Dream reached forward, letting his hand drop to the back of George’s head, scratching at his hair and cupping the back of his neck soothingly.

“Aww, that’s okay. I’m tough, I can take it,” She reassured, grabbing his left foot and pulling it towards her, making George gasp and shoot his head up to look at her. “Besides, you’re gonna need to when I do this.”

“Nonono– NOHO, SHIHIHIT!” George squealed, flinching and falling back into helpless laughter as she repeated the harrowing process on his other foot. He hid back in his arm, any attempt at concealing his laughter out the window, squirming and complaining when the other two threw coos and teases his way.

Eventually, she seemed to finish that step, as she put his foot down and discarded the brush, letting him breathe once again. He picked his head up a few moments later, in time to watch her drain the water from the basin and grab a towel, taking each foot and drying him off gently.

“Is it over now?” He practically whined, playing up his dramatics slightly, trying to gain some semblance of control back. She chuckled at that, reaching over to her supplies and pulling a small bottle of lotion out.

“Almost, baby, almost. The hardest part is over,” She reassured, and George would be lying if he said it didn’t help to calm him down. She popped open the top of the lotion bottle, dispensing a small amount into her hands and rubbing it between her palms, before taking one of George’s legs again and gently massaging his foot, as well as up and down his calf.

The rest of the experience went pretty smoothly, apart from some rogue giggles and flinching during the massage portion, his skin extra sensitive and smooth from the lotion and previous steps of the pedicure. The final step came along in no time, and she ended George’s first pedicure experience with a clear coat of polish to finish everything off.

After that, the nail tech had let Dream know it was his turn whenever he was ready. As she filled the basin in front of him with water, he already seemed to know the process quite well, and went along without a second thought. George curled up in his chair, admittedly very cozy and content to watch Dream have a turn after everything was done on his side, though he grew less and less entertained and more and more embarrassed when Dream barely had any adverse reactions to the process at all.

He made it through the nail filing and cuticle trimming without so much as a chuckle, he continued chatting with the nail tech through it. When it came to the brush, he got a little giggly, but nowhere near the level George was, he even remained completely still the entire time. Even with the massage, the same thing, next to no reaction apart from a few giggles and flinches here and there.

George was furious. And it didn’t help that Dream kept teasing him about it– about how much of a big, dramatic baby he was about the whole thing, even though George knows that’s not true.

But whatever. Who cares. They were finished, they had said their goodbyes, gone up and paid, left a generous tip for, direct quote from Dream, everything she had to deal with with George, which George found very rude. George would never have to worry about getting a pedicure ever, ever again.

Well… until they got back to the car.

“So… should I schedule again for next month?”

And who is George to say no to that?

[mangionebabymama]

I try not to think about his relationship with his parents because we don’t really know what’s going on there but oh my god I just remembered his sisters i’m going to throw up crying I hope they talk to him and support him if my sibling was in that position I would be face of the free them campaign

Oh, I know. When I think about what possibly his family is going through right now, and has gone through so much all these last few months, it really fucking guts me—because we really don't know what they're feeling and dealing with, and it's a feeling nobody should ever know in their lives, not even themselves. Like, I can't even imagine what's been like for them, just even trying to actualize it into possible thoughts in my mind. They don't deserve this at all, regardless of whatever happened between Luigi and his parents and the rest of his family that led him to distance himself from everyone in those few months last year.

I know that we feel deeply for Luigi in many ways because we empathize with what he's faced with, as we have identified similarities with him and his personality and character as a person, as well as the struggles and difficulties he's dealt with in his life, and most importantly, we feel for him. After all, he's human, and we are human, and it's a familiar feeling to understand one another when someone is going through something unimaginable. However, we don't know him; they know him, and that's his family, that's their son and brother that's going through all of that and they're witnessing all of that in front of their eyes, as we are also watching all of this unfold as they do the same, and then some more that we'll never truly know of as they're faced up against with all of this going on.

Even if they haven't ever been able to go up all the way to New York to visit with him at MDC, whether the thought of seeing him up close and personal, in the flesh, in prison would be all too much for them or maybe for all of the best interest of their privacy and safety, it's not the right time to visit him—I do hope that he's been able to stay in contact with them through phone, rather than general correspondence in writing. Inmates are allowed telephone calls and, if I am not mistaken, video chats, too. I hope that, at the very least, they are aware of how he's doing and that he can convey that over to him for their sake in some way, to keep them somewhat at ease, despite all of the upheaval and disruption in their lives.

I am sure that they support him and hope he is safe and taken care of while in custody and that he deserves his right to a fair trial and his presumption of innocence, and most importantly, it's him, and they're his family. However, for the sake of this time being before the official trial, and on behalf of their privacy and safety from everything, especially the press, it is best that they stay quiet publicly, refraining from putting themselves out there in the open, to protect themselves and prevent anything from happening that could potentially harm them or Luigi even far more worse.

[manytoonepoet]

“The Key to My Notes to Unlock Your Melody.”

A Little Thought About Character Relationships in Fragaria: Merold and Kurode (something I can write on a whim while still finishing Haikei...).

I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who has wondered about Merold and Kurode's relationship. They barely speak of each other, and when they do, it's not even on a first name basis.

But what I like to pay attention to is their visuals and the connection between Your Melody and Key My Notes, the little details of their character design. Especially Merold's half-a-heart necklace.

I've been interested in this particular detail for FAR too long, longer than I'd admit. Initially, I had thought that perhaps this was a part of it's design, that maybe it never had an other half, but it didn't really sit right with me, especially with his relationship with Kurode.

In the website, it is said that Merold dotes on Kurode in his own special way, even if his feelings aren't properly conveyed, and this got me wondering: “Was “Your Melody” not only an apology to Hallritt and him asking for reconciliation, but also a message to Kurode, wanting to reach out to him and rekindle their brotherly bond”.

For MONTHS, I've been constantly repeating that “Your Melody” was all about Merold and Hallritt's reconciliation, yet even with utmost confidence that I believe that this is true, I can still say that there are parts that didn't quite stitch well together as seamlessly as I'd like it.

Specifically these lines:

“As if our two hearts laid atop each other's... may we be connected by their singular rhythm.

Let me fill your gaze with bouquets of flowers blanketing the horizon.

All those fragmented things are intensifying our MELODY.

Come, let's turn the timidity into joy and dance to your MELODY in the scores.

The MELODY of your voice that I want to remain beside, what if... If you want to cloud over the future, if it is sadness that you want to echo... then please let me play it from here.”

“Even with this fragile heart, above all else, you are my dearest, (Tell me, tell me why.)

These overflowing feelings are a MELODY for you. (Tell me, tell me why).”

I must admit, what I wrote for this segment back then was so generalized and I'd like to change that, for now I have a better understanding of Fragaria and how they approach character relationships through songs and visuals.

The two hearts line may be a reference to Merold's half-a-heart necklace, one who, let's assume, Kurode has the other half.

The fill your gaze with bouquets would be related to Merold wanting to reach out to Kurode and wanting to rekindle their brotherly bond, and since we've correlated the flowers within the bouquets as emotions and/or memories, I'd theorize how Merold's approach to fixing their bond was to show Kurode how he truly cherished those emotions during the times when it was present, or how he longed to be able to share those memories and make new moments that is to last forever to be remembered again, to show Kurode that he does indeed love his brother despite all of the things that has transpired between them.

The rest of the lines directly relates to upholding Kurode, showing his support, showing that he does indeed care, that everything he did was to protect the ones who are dear to him. Kurode included.

Kurode indirectly replies to Merold in Key My Notes as well:

“If only I became accustomed to the perfect sound that makes one happy.” The perfect sound being the melody, the melody that connects people and bring them together, with the one who is accustomed to this perfect sound being Merold, showing how inferior Kurode feels whenever even the mere mention of Merold's name was present.

“If only we can be imperfect and not full of deceit.” a tie to the line “It's okay to deceive with an outright lie... because within it lingers a quiet love.”

Everyone is imperfect, everyone knows that, but there are some people (Merold included) that just can't help but do whatever they can to protect, even if it means depriving one of the truth. And Kurode's wish is to change exactly that; to have people comfortable in who they are and what they can do without having to resort to lies and instead embrace their imperfections and use it to their advantage.

“Sometimes we can let go of that hand due to weakness.” again, a tie to wanting to do whatever you can to protect. But there's also another thing I'd like to point out, this hand he's talking about might be his hand that Merold had let go of due to weakness, assuring himself that it's ok, that he can let go of that hand even though it's truly not.

"Let me protect everyone here." to “If you want to cloud over the future, if it is sadness that you want to echo... then please let me play it from here.”

Merold's stepping down and allows his brother to finally have the spotlight all to himself, only offering support and assistance if needed, encouraging him to look up, and see that there's still a tomorrow worth fighting for, and he's more than willing to play his sadness far from him as possible to let him see that.

“Even with this fragile heart, above all else, you are my dearest.”

“Inside this heart, a memory that's sincere and eternal.”

Time and time again, we have been constantly reminded of the fact that these memories, these emotions that these characters are being deprived of for the sake of being safe is one of the biggest mistakes yet. One should not deprive himself or another of the truth.

Merold's line is of him finally coming clean, finally admitting his feelings and allowing himself to be vulnerable, to acknowledge the wrongs in his doing and despite whatever front he may put up, he still holds a fragile heart who just wants to protect his dearest – brother.

While Kurode's is of him realizing that whatever that has happened between him, Merold and everyone else in the past, it's all sincere, eternal and true and never wavering. That no matter how much it'll be covered up, it still has it's way to show itself to the world and speak up, to tell everyone of the truth, to make everyone realize, accept, and cherish the truth. All along with it's flaws, it's dangers and more. It is the truth, and it is the world that they love so much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The knights ask nothing in return for their love.”

[xshingie]

Exploring The Narrative Significance of Edouard's Blue eyes

Something that piqued my interest was the fact that Annette was so insistent when she saw NightCreature!Edouard, she was so convinced it was him and she would not consider any opinion otherwise. Initially, one might think it speaks to the implicit depth of their connection that she would recognize… but perhaps, what if it speaks more to Annette might have perceived how well she /thought/ she knew him? What possibly would have occurred for Annette to retain Edouard's eyes in her memory so vividly?

This below quote from All the King's Men by Robert Penn Warren serves as the springboard for my inspiration for what eventually became my Annette/Edouard short story, Yours Truly https://archiveofourown.org/works/51906367 (I also sampled the phrasing as well):

"I suppose that that day I first saw Anne and Adam as separate, individual people, whose ways of acting were special, mysterious, and important. And perhaps, too, that day I first saw myself as a person. But that is not what I am talking about. What happened was this: I got an image in my head that never got out. We see a great many things, but that is different. We get very few of the true images in our heads of the kind I am talking about, the kind which become more and more vivid for us as if the passage of the years did not obscure their reality but, year by year, drew off another veil to expose a meaning which we had only dimly surmised at first. Very probably the last veil will not be removed, for there are not enough years, but the brightness of the image increases and our conviction increase that the brightness is meaning, or the legend of meaning, and without the image our lives would be nothing except an old piece of film rolled on a spool and thrown into a desk drawer among the unanswered letters."

I took inspiration from the concept described above: In Yours Truly, Edouard had tried to tell her something she didn't have a concept of understanding at the time. And yet, it's with narrative irony that when Annette looks into his eyes, despite color being so clear, but she couldn't really get a good "read" into him. The most we know about Edouard is through Annette's lens, and she describes him in a very romanticized, idealized manner -- which hints to me that she views him in a special way, but doesn't understand him -- not really.

This is veering into headcanon territory by this point, but a distinct vibe I picked up from Edouard is that while he is friendly and appears to be warm, kind and collegial, he seems to almost keep people an arm's length distance, revealing almost nothing (vulnerable) about himself in his interactions with others. If you look at these screencaps, his eyes are so bright, but his smile is very subdued and tight-lipped -- even his eyes don't really convey any turbulent emotions. I think Edouard might have been kept a lot to himself, which partially contributes to Annette not really understanding him on a deeper level. Hence the feeling of staring at something, which is calm, serene… but tells you nothing about the person themselves. Although it may sound romantic when I describe the feeling of looking into Edouard's eyes "as reflecting her soul like a still gemstone", what I had actually intended to convey that relationship between Annette and Edouard, while undoubtedly close and Annette grew to understand herself on a deeper because of him, this very quality actually was capped the limitation of Annette/Edouard's connection.

Edouard seems to give off a vibe that he keeps people at a certain arm's length, all the while being able to charm people (""I make them [the nobles] happy, and they lower their guard and loosen their tongues.") while keeping is own guard up, I took a lot of care to weave in in a lot of subtleties that showed both a mismatch in understanding and Edouard keeping an arm's distance. Edouard sidesteps her question and doesn't tell her who exactly who he's writing to. He brings up that everyone has their own reason for fighting, but he doesn't reveal his own. He tries to get Annette to get interested in writing, explaining letters on an abstract romantic level; he shares a personal story about his grandmother, but all Annette's response is that she doesn't understand.

What was Edouard keeping to himself, that he never shared with Annette? Perhaps he was reconciling with the inner conflicts of his mixed heritage. Perhaps he was dealing with his own demons or vices that would have condemned him to Hell to enable him to become a Night Creature in the first place.

This "image" that Annette had of Edouard's eyes in her mind, represents the image that continued to stay with her, as she gradually begins to understand what Edouard was trying to convey to her on a deeper level.

(and why yes, to write this I did spend an inordinate amount of time starting of screencaps of Edouard to try to incisively capture the vibe of what it feels like when Edouard looks at you with those gorgeous AF eyes of his lol)

A huge thank you to ladyeama/@pansexual-chocolate for being an amazing headcanon partner in all of this!

[crustyfloor]

Previous anon back, thank you for explaining those other critisms. I really like Hyuna and feel like one of the main problems people have with her character is that... she didn't have the kind of reaction they wanted a victim of the things she went through to have. I don't think Wiege undermined her pain because I don't think you can understand Hyuna without acknowleding what has happened to her + what we are shown in Wiege. She has her worldview because she was able to reconcile humanity's ability to do awful things with the love she's always had for mankind.

Hyuna has never been vengeful or hateful even when it would have been justified for her to be. I get that it can be uncomfortable to see someone who has suffered the way Hyuna has not fully hate the person who hurt them but not all victims are the same. Hyuna doesn't forgive Luka, and her still loving him is not an endorsement of abuse or her excusing his actions; she just understands why he turned out the way he did, "Someone who only knows suffering and can only inflict the same." and feels sympathy for him as a fellow human who has suffered under the same system and because they were/used to be friends.

Exactly, Anon, exactly!!! I expressed this before in my og post but I have a little more, I also think many people are quick to assume the worst, because they have expectations or unbudging worldviews, it's okay that they had that, it's okay if they were potentially disappointed with HyunA, but I have a main problem with people who deem her a shallow character or generalize her because they can't accept that she's just a complex character, I've seen the way people handle specifically (female) characters who subvert from an typical standpoint in explorative medias like these, for instance one of my other favorite characters from Milgram being Yuno, to put a long story short she's had multiple abortions at some point in her life whilst she was a teenager participating in compensated dating/sex work, she's stuck in a inescapable jail-like system in apparently space called milgram for that "crime" where she would be judged for it (also a music-based media) and she has survived to the third trial but currently she's come to grapple with the fact that she's in milgram for that reason and she has complicated feelings about her abortion after some major events that caused shifts in her personality (ie. The death of someone she cared about, getting familiar with other murderers because there's nowhere else for them to go) , and you know what people do? They assumed the author wanted to push pro-life messaging through her because she wasn't adamantly confident in her decisions. And that wasn't the case, in the moments of her trial 3 teaser, they really disregarded the fact that she was an 18-year-old, who was in bad mental condition before the main timeline, and whilst she was a sex worker, getting many abortions as a result. And she lives in Japan (and Japan tends to have bad opinions about women like her, Yamanka intentionally wrote them so that their environment affects how they ultimately think.)

People are quick to assume there is an underlying message the author is trying to convey when themes like these are rightfully explored in media to their potential (And truthfully I understand where they're coming from, again, this happens) but really in these cases I appreciate that the authors are just trying to explore unique viewpoints, I believe to see these characters is to see them from an objective, understanding angle even if it's not something you particularly agree with, media from different people across the world is also there to challenge you right? (And to somewhat quote Yamanka here) Vivinos and Yamanka don't write these characters to say "This is how all people should be," but rather, "This is just how she/he ended up" in both series that aim to explore the humanity and complexity within characters that function as human as us, not all humans are going to apply to a certain formula.

And it really annoys me that the second HyunA didn't do what they wanted (ie. let luka die with a smile on her face because she's such a badass like that) when everything in her lore even before wiege proved she was nothing heartless and nothing vengeful, they automatically turned their back on her, disregarding the fact that all the characters of alien stage are portraying victims, she is still portraying a victim in a really really fucked up world, yet, this is just her emotional journey and how she ended up (even if I have certain reservations about both of them in that sense, I can appreciate the realism and the respect put on both of their stories)

(Funny thing is, both Yuno and HyunA were regarded as the girlbosses in their fandom before they had their huge development, now the fans are all over the place)

[amelikos]

Some character notes and episode notes for HZ083, writing them down for future reference.

On the Explorers side, Onyx makes a report to Gibeon about the current progress of the RVT. Gibeon orders the four admins (Onyx, Sango, Agate, Spinel) to ambush the RVT in Rakua. Later on, Spinel and Agate personally meet up with Gibeon and ask him about how he is doing. Spinel declares that for the Explorers to keep prospering, Gibeon must live forever.

On the RVT side, Liko and co are following Rayquaza, who is leading them to Rakua. Meanwhile, they discuss the Rakurium and speculate on what it could be. They come to the conclusion that it must be something that allows cells to be replaced at a rapid speed. This makes them realize that the current "Gibeon" is not someone using the same name, but the person who was traveling with Lucius and Rystal, who managed to sustain himself and live to this day. While the adults worry about what should be done if the Rakurium can be found in Rakua, they decide to worry about it later after seeing the kids' innocent curiosity about what is awaiting them.

On Amethio's side: he infiltrates Exceed with Zir and Conia to find out what Spinel is up to. They manage to find information in Spinel's lab and discovers that Spinel is working on something called the "Rakurium sphere" but gets stopped by guards who lock them in a warehouse. They eventually get rescued by Hamber. Amethio and Hamber both think Spinel will betray Gibeon. Amethio wants to know what the Rakurium is, and what happened between Lucius and Gibeon. In order to know who he is and what he should do, he wants to know everything. Hamber leads the three of them to Amethio's house. Amethio opens up to Zir and Conia about his late mother after the two of them see a painting of her in his house. Afterwards, they are led to a room and Hamber starts explaining the story of Lucius and Gibeon as Gibeon told it to him. Hamber reveals that Lucius and Gibeon shared the same dream but disagreed about the Rakurium in Rakua, which led to Lucius betraying Gibeon. After fleeing from Rakua, Gibeon managed to survive and founded Exceed. Hamber decided to follow Gibeon out of gratitude and respect, and took on teaching duties in the Explorers. After hearing everything, Amethio resolves to save his grandfather and reaffirms his bond with Soublades, Zir and Conia. They all decide to head to Rakua.

--

Lots of things to ponder about.. I'll go out of order.

On the RVT side: I liked that they put together the pieces about the Rakurium and actually offered an explanation about it, in a way that is easy to understand and follow (especially for the younger audience). The kids being curious and excited about the unknown was also interesting because this time, the adults were the ones feeling hesitation and a bit of fear. This sense of wonder allowed them to go back to the basics and reminded them why they are adventuring in the first place. It was also nice seeing all the Pokemon on the ship, doing their own thing as usual.

One thing I love about Horizons is the glimpses of untold stories conveyed through scattered sentences here and there. Enriching my imagination as a viewer, and letting me gather the pieces and put them back together to imagine how a story could have gone behind the scenes.

I think they did a good job with this in regards to Rystal. I can imagine a full life for her because her few appearances have been impactful enough for me to have an idea about her character and her path (she was already adventuring before she met Lucius, we know where she met Pagogo, it's easy to imagine how her and Lucius could have fallen in love during their journeys together because they spent a lot of time together, we know she fled from Rakua and was rescued by a boat, she had regrets about not being able to look for the Six Heroes which means that this weighed on her mind a lot, her early death means she kept her grief all to herself and couldn't share it with anyone, we have seen her personality and she is someone openminded enough to believe in fairy tales and didn't doubt Friede when he told her they summoned her to the future, she was able to travel and form a deep friendship with Gibeon and this didn't affect her relationship with Lucius, etc etc). The original Explorers being known for helping out various people in towns and villages was also something that stuck with me, because it made it easy to fill in the blanks and imagine their dynamics and the adventures they've had in the past.

I liked the glimpses of Hamber's past in this episode.. Admitting that he was lost and had doubts in the past, and the one who reached out to him and guided him at the time was none other than Gibeon. Which explains why Hamber feels so deeply grateful to Amethio's family and why he is so involved with them too. And it's interesting because Lucius's story inspired people like Roy etc, and we get to see that Gibeon is also someone who manages to inspire others and that his dreams are strong enough to affect people deeply. Gives more nuance to the situation. We know Hamber took care of Amethio and raised him as if he was his own family, and Amethio is someone who became upright and kind to others.. Which says a lot about Amethio as a person and also about Hamber, who is the one who acted as his parent. The fact that Hamber took teaching duties in the Explorers is interesting too, because I feel like he wanted to do the same thing Gibeon did to him to others, which is guiding them and/or imparting them knowledge.

I liked that we got to know the order in which the Explorers joined. Starting from Sango, then Onyx, then Agate. It gives another layer to Hamber's relationship with both Sango and Onyx. Especially Sango, because it's kinda funny that he personally scouted someone with a personality like hers.. But also, he knows how to handle young people like her because he raised Amethio and Amethio does have a tendancy to be bratty towards Hamber. Hamber lets Amethio get away with it because he has a soft spot towards him and probably can't say no to him, but he knows better than to let Sango get away with the same things. In turn, that bit of info reveals a lot about Sango and Onyx's feelings towards Amethio. They have a kind of attachment towards him, they were willing to hear him out in HZ065 etc.. which is because they had a common past together and probably interacted a bit in the past? Which means that both Sango and Onyx know who Amethio is as a person and respect his skills at the very least. I keep liking that Sango has her own brand of loyalty towards others. She keeps asking about Amethio, she is close to Onyx, no matter how much she complains she actually listens to orders.. She is compelling to me as a character because she has all these sides to her? (Her bonding ep with Onipurin was proof of that too, she managed to inspire Onipurin in her own way)

The reveal that Amethio's mother died when he was young also recontextualizes a few things, especially in regards to Crave. Crave was shown wearing his wedding ring in HZ054, so it implies that he still loves his wife and hasn't forgotten about her to this day and that he is loyal to her memory. It explains his potential strained relationship with Amethio too.. Judging by the photos in Amethio's home, it feels like they used to go on vacation as a family a lot when he was a little kid (I assume Crave was the one taking the pictures btw). Crave was probably trying to make time for his family despite his demanding work. I speculate that after his wife's death, he probably just focused on work to cope with his own grief and that a sense of distance began to grow between him and Amethio. Which feels very realistic and human in how flawed it is.

I feel like there are a lot of conflicting feelings in Crave's relationship with Amethio. He wants to keep his son safe and discourage him when he tried to learn more about the Rakurium, there is probably a sense of awkwardness and distance between the two of them because they seemingly don't spend a lot of time together because of his work, it seems like there's lots of things that Crave genuinely doesn't know (Spinel's schemes, the Rakurium etc), the death of Amethio's mother/Crave's wife affected them in different ways.. Despite that, I like that we get a sense of who Crave is a person thanks to his interactions with Friede and his Pokemon's reactions. He has similar aspirations as Friede and the same dream to improve the lives of people and Pokemon, and he was fair to Friede.. He saw Friede's potential and wanted to encourage it, yet he also noticed and knew that Friede would eventually leave Exceed because he got to know Friede enough as a person to realize he wouldn't be content being stuck in a lab.. He was just happy to see Friede again and knowing he was doing well was enough for him back in HZ054. I think his interactions with Friede are meant to give us a sense of who he is as a person and as a guiding figure too. I think he notices stuff about people but lets them figure out things for themselves.. Not interfering and just watching from a distance because he probably doesn't want to pressure others. Or maybe because he isn't sure what to say? Which leads to avoidance and stagnancy..? I think it's interesting that we get to know that much about him thanks to all the implications laid out in his few appearances. That being said, I'm gonna need him to pull himself together and talk to Amethio eventually. I don't see Gibeon making it out of the series alive, so Crave will be Amethio's only living relative left after that. Their relationship reminds me a bit of Alex and Liko, who were awkward around each other.. (though in Amethio's situation, it's much more different) They had to open up about their feelings and really talk to understand each other better. So maybe, Amethio and his father will reach that point eventually. At least, I hope so because I think Amethio needs that reassurance.

About Amethio's past and childhood.. I always got the sense that he was cherished and was raised with a lot of care and love, and it seems to be the case. Amethio gave huge bocchan vibes from the start and some aspects of his personality made me think that he probably had good memories in the past. He seemed to be very close to his mother, which is sweet. But also kinda sad because she died before he even understood the very concept of death and probably wondered why his mother suddenly wasn't there anymore.. He was so young that at this point, Amethio probably forgot things like the sound of her voice, but he probably remembers that he was happy with her. He diminished the event a bit while talking to Zir and Conia, but I think he was trying to be considerate towards them and didn't want to worry them needlessly. I think he was lonely after her death and the sense of his distance with his father probably deepened too.. At least, he had Hamber. This episode emphasized a lot of aspects about Amethio's relationship with Hamber that I like. Hamber's obvious soft spot for Amethio (and the way he knows exactly how Amethio is), Amethio's trust towards him (that moment he pointed out that Gibeon probably trusts Hamber a lot by letting a Zygarde Cell stay with him).. It's cute how Amethio genuinely considers Hamber as a parent. The way Amethio apologized for causing a fuss was sweet. It showed Amethio's gratitude towards Hamber. Sometimes, Amethio can be blunt towards Hamber (or even act like a brat, by hanging up on him ww), so it was nice seeing him be comfortable enough to show thanks and acknowledge Hamber's importance in his life.

In general, it was good seeing Amethio appreciating the people/Pokemon around him and smiling a lot more. We got glimpses of his past with Soublades. I already had the thought that he must have been with him since he was a Carbou, which is the case. Though, I didn't expect them to be together since Amethio was a little kid. It's cute though! Soublades went through everything with Amethio and was always there to support him and play with him. They are partners, and I like the way Amethio genuinely respects his Pokemon and always asks Soublades for his opinion and checks up on him before making decisions. Amethio appreciating Zir and Conia's support was good too. He called them by name for the first time and wanted them to hear everything about Gibeon's past with him. Shows that he grew to trust them a lot.

Re: Amethio's mother, I hope they address more things about her later down the road.. I'm curious about the fact she died so young, but I think her death being a sudden and accidental one fits in contrast to her own father extending his lifespan. Gibeon and Lucius both outliving their daughters is tragic. Both of them are living way beyond what is considered normal, too.

I think that Amethio's house is Gibeon's place (and not something Crave built), so his mother must have grown up there? I get the sense that she was content when she was alive? There is a painting of her, so she must have been cherished a lot (not sure if Gibeon or Crave had it made). We don't know much about her so far, but judging by the pictures, she made good memories with her family and she married the one she wanted to be with. Which makes me wonder a bit how she and Crave met? They probably won't delve too deep into this, but Crave is currently the director of Exceed and we know Gibeon is the one who founded the company. The fact Crave is the current director indicates that there must have been enough trust between him and Gibeon for him to be given that position? Crave was acknowledged to some extent, at the very least. And how does Gibeon feel about her? This ep mentioned that he endured loneliness, but he had a daughter. Did he double down on his quest for the Rakurium after her death? Did he become more obsessed with the eternal blessing? Is she part of his current motivations? How was he as a father with her? How did she feel about Gibeon? Did he want her to take up his will, or did he let her live her own life as she wanted? What kind of person was she? I feel like there's still many mysteries regarding Amethio's mother, and I hope they touch on them because she feels too thematically relevant to remain unaddresssed.. I'd like to get an idea of who she was as a person. I don't think Gibeon was referring to her when he mentioned Amethio straying from the path in HZ065. Unless we have more information later on, this ep confirmed that Gibeon sees Lucius as the one betraying him, so for now I'll settle on that and wait for more information about Gibeon and his daughter.

Gibeon's view of the events in Rakua is very interesting and it has me deeply obsessed, admittedly. He seems to genuinely believe Lucius has betrayed him and even got Zygarde to betray him. From his point of view, the Rakurium is something that would benefit humanity, so it would be malicious to stop him from studying it. He considers that Lucius betrayed him, yet he keeps pictures of him to this day. He endured loneliness carrying on the Explorers name by himself, yet he had a family. He considers that Lucius was someone who couldn't understand him in the end, yet he carries on the name of the Explorers that Lucius thought of and continus their legacy. He keeps going despite everything, perhaps out of a desire to fulfill the dream he shared with Lucius? Either way, the depth of his feelings for Lucius and the specific words used to describe them in the show never ceases to surprise me. Not just because the words come off as very strong to me, but also because they really want to stress that this was all a tragedy (and not just one side bad, one side good).. Lucius was Gibeon's closest friend and he genuinely saw him as such and as someone who shared the same life aspirations as him. To the point Gibeon's heart was "broken" after what happened in Rakua and that it's something he can't forget to this day. The intensity of these feelings make me a bit insane tbh.

Also in regards to Lucius and Gibeon: they both wanted to reach Rakua, but they had different reasons for wanting to go there. Lucius wanted to see a world he had never seen before, while Gibeon was interested in what could be at Rakua and entertained the idea that something phenomenal could be there. (So, Lucius had a fascination for the unseen, while Gibeon wanted to know the unknown.)

Not sure what's going on with Spinel and Gibeon at this point. Spinel needs Gibeon to live forever for some reason, and he is working on something called the "Rakurium sphere". Does Gibeon genuinely want to live forever? Is Spinel doing all of this just because getting special acknowledgment about his skills and intellect felt good and he wants more praise? Does he want the old man that bad. Both of them seem to have the same sense of curiosity towards the unknown and want to study mysterious things, but.. Is that all there is to it in Spinel's case? Is it merely scientific curiosity, or is there a deeper reason behind that? I'm thinking about how he said in HZ064 that Amethio was someone special to Gibeon and that he was eventually bound to get in their way.. Does he think that Amethio is going to remind Gibeon of his family and human side, and that Amethio's presence might distract Gibeon from the bigger goal? Is he genuinely trying to betray Gibeon, or are they really working together? I hope that Spinel has reasons for his actions (preferrably, not shallow ones). He does have a friendship evolution as his main partner, too. Something that even his VA pointed out. I think Blacky is a storytelling device telling us that there is more to Spinel than meets the eye (especially given how affectionate Spinel is with his Pokemon).. So, what's his deal and what's going on in that mind of his. Did he get Agate on board with him, or is she planning to betray him? Either way, Spinel being emphasized as "special" among the Explorers was interesting. The exception who wasn't coached by Hamber, but someone who was personally chosen by Gibeon.. Which adds to the mystery around Spinel. The characters themselves do not know what's going on with him.

Amethio's resolve was really nice to hear too. In order to find out about himself and determine his own path, he had to learn about the past.. He is acting out of his own free will, and the decision that he took as himself was to save his grandfather. Which I really like, and it says a lot about the kind of person he is. Amethio is carving his own path, independently, but it doesn't mean that he has to discard everything about himself or his ties. There is a lot of things unsaid in Amethio's family, and people not truly facing each other.. Liko's line in HZ065 keeps being relevant ("there are things you'll never understand unless you talk about them"). Lucius and Gibeon weren't truly able to talk out their differences about the Rakurium. Gibeon is seemingly still keeping things to himself too. So, Amethio is going to face him and possibly talk to him. Amethio is someone who can't ignore people who need help. He helped Liko on two separate occasions. And now, he resolves to save his grandfather. That's just the kind of person he is. Amethio was also seen reacting to specific parts of Hamber's story about Lucius and Gibeon (they showed his reaction after Hamber talked about Lucius not understanding the value of the Rakurium despite knowing Gibeon's intentions), so I think Amethio understands that this story is Gibeon's personal view of the events and that some parts may be missing or that a misunderstanding may have occured. I also wonder if Amethio realizes that Gibeon is basically hurting himself with the Rakurium, hence why he wants to save him? Does he just want to save him from Spinel or does he also want to save him from himself?

My current understanding of Amethio's resolve is that in order to save his grandfather, he is going to oppose him, which is why he is seen siding with Liko and her friends in the upcoming preview. Wanting to save his grandfather and taking up his will doesn't mean he is going to side with him. It just means that Amethio is choosing out of his own volition the parts of Gibeon he agrees with (possibly improving the world for both humans and Pokemon, which he considers a noble goal), but he will not fight on his side if it doesn't help his current goal. Which is the kind of thing that happens in magical girls shows btw.. Opposing someone in order to save them. I wonder how the whole process will go and how Amethio will side with Liko.

Something I also like about Amethio and Liko's dynamics is that it handles the line between fate and free will tastefully? Not sure how to articulate this specifically, but it's something that resonates with me a lot. I like the slow buildup of Liko and Amethio because it doesn't just rely on the fateful aspect of their dynamics? Like, I had a hunch from the beginning that their meeting was a fateful one (which is why it surprised me in a good way that this specific word was used here). But Liko and Amethio's stories are about them carving their own paths and coming to an understanding about themselves and the world around them. Which is why I genuinely appreciate that in order for them to start getting a bit closer to the other, they had to go through multiple experiences on their own and interact with others, too. Amethio had to interact with Friede first and his character had to be explored in that specific way. And it's one of the many elements that made Liko grasp what kind of person he was underneath it all, because she got to see him in different situations, etc. I really like that the "Liko and Amethio" episode specifically happened before both of them learned that they were the descendents of the original Explorers, too. They didn't have that specific bias getting in the way of their perception of the other or influencing it. It was just about them both as people, as "Liko and Amethio". At that point, Liko had an idea of the kind of person Amethio was. And more than fate, it was their free will that played a part in that episode. Amethio didn't have to reach out to Liko or talk to her to understand why she hesitated during their battle. He didn't have to encourage her, but he did. Liko didn't have to ask him about his reasons for doing what he does either, but she did. They got to acknowledge each other as people with their own respective goals and thoughts. It's only after they reached that point that they could learn the truth about their respective legacies and their ties to each other, because by then, they respected each other as people. This reveal just means that they will slightly adjust their perception of the other, and realize that they are closer than they thought they were, but it's not going to drastically alter their vision of the other or make them think they are someone else than who they are. They have grounded perspectives of each other. Basically, I think that they are really good as a dynamics because they are two interesting characters independently and the way their paths intersect every now and then, which makes them gain a deeper understanding of the other side, is really compelling.

I like that both Liko and Amethio had their own realizations about their ties to each other too. Liko noting that "Amethio's grandfather" was really the one who traveled with both Lucius and Rystal, which makes me wonder how she'll react when she'll be facing Gibeon soon. This is not some stranger they will have to stop at Rakua, but someone who was deeply connected to Lucius. Amethio had a hunch that Liko may have been connected to Lucius too.. It shows that their time in the cave in HZ065 wasn't pointless and that it really impacted him. He's been paying attention to Liko, too. Amethio acknowledges to some extent that destiny plays a part in this, but again, I really appreciate that he immediately notes that he isn't fighting on his grandfather's behalf. This specific declaration of his intention is important. This isn't a proxy war between the descendents. Amethio isn't trying to clear Gibeon's name. He carries his will for his own personal reasons, on his own terms. He wants to save his grandfather, as himself. His current path will align with Liko's soon, but their reasons to act in Rakua may be different. It's this whole balance between destiny and free will which I like. Now that Liko and Amethio have realized their ties to each other due to destiny, I wonder how their free wills may play an influence on their relationship with each other going forward? Clearly, they aren't going to be mere strangers to each other anymore and they'll be more aware of each other to some extent. How will they act? Will their paths intersect again after this arc? I wonder how they will depict the progression of their relationship in the future, especially since it seems like the arrival at Rakua is meant to be the midpoint of Horizons.. Do they plan on developing a friendship between Liko and Amethio? Which could eventually blossom in something else..? Who knows. (Ohh lead writer Dai Sato and script coordinator Kureha Matsuzawa, you want to join the two families so bad as a natural payoff to the themes of legacy and healing ohh-)

Overall, just an excellent ep. It emphasized a lot of elements I find compelling about Amethio's character and showed us many endearing sides of him (such as his relationship with his mother and Hamber). One thing I like about Amethio is that he stays true to himself, despite the odds. He may face setbacks, but he never betrays his morals. As he says it, he is himself and that's all that matters. A nice parallel to Roy in the previous episode who stayed true to his nature, and declared that he would make Rayquaza his real partner someday and didn't give up. I wonder how Amethio will go about saving his grandfather and what he specifically means by that.

I also liked that this episode answered some questions, but raised new ones at the same time. Something Horizons often does, which makes me feel really immersed in that narrative. My current points of interest after this episode are: Amethio's mother, whatever Spinel and Agate are up to?

One last thing for now (because I have to put down the metaphorical pen at some point): I really liked the picture of Lucius, Rystal and Gibeon. I thought it was unintentionally funny when Hamber said "that man betrayed Gibeon" and we got a close up of Lucius on the picture. That smiling face is the face of traitor- Also, something about Gibeon putting his hands in his pockets on that picture? That's interesting body language to me. I like that he seems to come from a well off background, yet he is the kind of guy who puts his hands in his pockets and carries a big bag around while traveling by himself (and eventually with others). It's the gap moe of it all that gets to me, I think.

[cysomen]

im gonna talk about the title of my cypher character study bc its very important to me! and im adding a readmore for spoiler purposes :)

i wavered between a couple of titles, the closest possibility being "i just need enough of you to dull the pain". this was mostly because the possibility of it being misinterpreted was lower compared to the actual title of "i'm in love with my own sins". i settled on the latter because i think it's truer to what i'm trying to convey; that being, cypher's relationship to sova in this fic and how it doesn't matter at all.

i've tried to show different types of dynamics in my cypher/sova fics, a handful of those being sexual but nonromantic (the bounty hunter/outlaw fic, the enclosed space fic, and some other WIPs) but this one is important in particular because there's such an absence of a platonic or even a compromise in place of a romantic relationship. cypher and sova have basically no chemistry beyond understanding each other's humor.

cypher's perspective of himself as someone who hasn't earned everything he has kind of captures the first point; him viewing pleasure as a "sin", or something to be guilty about. he doesn't think he deserves what he has, independent of sova-- that he shouldn't be able to put down his work or the physical burden he has turned his grief into.

then there's the other aspect of that, which is the fact that he's "in love" with his sin. i was worried about misinterpretation on that point because i really didn't want to create the assumption of romance (or even a solidly platonic relationship between them). cypher's not in love with sova, or even technically with what he considers his "sin", he's trying to tell himself he is. convincing himself to like what he's doing, or to fall "in love" with it is key to how he's failing to cope with his grief. if he were to think of it any other way, it'd be to accept happiness that he does not deserve, or to acknowledge that he's failing to handle it.

despite cypher's lack of a perspective on sova's character, sova himself is very important to the fic; sova views his dislike of cypher as a flaw in his professionalism, and he feels compelled to tell cypher that. to me, there isn't a whole lot of an implied relationship of any kind between them in actual valorant canon beyond general dislike from sova towards cypher, and even then i don't think sova would allow it to become something that impacts his professional relationship when working with cypher. so i tried to write it at a point where sova's distant from him, but there is that vague idea that they're skirting around a legitimate improvement of their relationship because cypher doesn't want a half-apology and sova isn't willing to give him a real one.

there's still that question of why sova accepts. he recognizes that cypher's dealing with something and he's not dealing with it in a healthy way. he's not there to question it. sova in this fic cares, being a mentor figure in the protocol, because he's used to having to act as a sort-of buffer, but it's not much more than that. he's content to let cypher work through what he's working through. it could be sova trying to understand cypher instead of disliking him on the principle of honesty, but cypher (or me, to be honest,) isn't clearheaded enough to see that. all of that may have left him a little flatter than id like, but i also think it makes sense from cypher's perspective for him to be characterized like that.

in general, this work was a really big change from how i normally characterize and portray them, and i enjoyed it a lot! but, that being said, i would probably find it painful to write another fic that leaves sova's character so unspoken. i just wanted to practice some of the details of cypher's character that i'm not very good at expressing.

[marengogo]

Are You Sure ?! - #4: I Hate that YOU Love Hate You but, I Love YOU, so ...

I’m listening to a Mellow/Angsty Love playlist - (yes) it has BTS/ solos BTS songs as well

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺���🐺–

Hello My Sentimental Girls, Bois and Enbys,

Please be kindly warned that I am going to be overpoweringly sensitive as I write this. Not necessarily because Are You Sure?! has unfortunately come to an end, but because, as I try to write this post, as always, “through” my TwinFlame’s JK emotional lens, the last two episodes really were so full of so many feelings that I am trying my best to order my thoughts and do them justice. Like, let me tell you, this boy really felt plenty, or better yet he allowed himself to truly feel a lot hence, as always, through respectful speculation and educated guessing I’ll try my best to convey my related observations. 

Towards the end of the post I’ll also have a little confession to make about something that I have been so determinedly ignoring, because the mere thought always makes me so uncomfortable, sad, and a tiny bit scared, so there’s also that.

All that being said, here I am, concluding this physical/sentimental journey, with my unrequested thoughts but with a hopeful sense that perhaps writing this down will somehow lessen my emotional weight, because let’s be for real, I am going to have AYS withdrawals on Thursday. So, is this post going to be long?  … 🤡 I mean, you should know me by now. For those who don’t know me, yes, it will be a long post 🙏🏾.

Truly free things are hard to come by nowadays. Undoubtedly, money has effectively found its way into our everything. Yet, there is one thing that hasn’t changed in its acquired value as in, how you get by it, and how you get it, etc. This one thing is still available free and you can find it anywhere, LITERALLY. However, whether or not you’ll be able to acquire it, and eventually keep it, is, to this day, one of the most debated, discussed, joyed over, cried over, mused over, etc, topic. 

Yes, you’ve guessed; it’s Love. 

I don’t believe I was actually ever taught about just Love in all its forms. Not at home, not at school school talked about famous people in love, sexual education, popular love … basically they beat around the bushes 🙄, or amongst friends, and if I had, I do not recall it, at all and y’all, I have one heck of a good memory, I will not be humble about that. I think that my first notions and ideas I formed about the concept of Love came through books and films, and let me tell you, there is an infinite related archive out there, which can be as exciting, as much as dangerous. Regardless, even though it was never really explained to me same for everyone most likely, as I grew up, EVERYONE loooved to talk about it, ALL THE TIME, so somehow, I made my own understanding of it. 

One of the things I understood was that some day, when I would become a woman, I would find an adult man, have a family, children, and live happily ever after because I would fall in love and some man would fall in love with me. I understood it as a given; Everyone, of a certain gender, falls in love with someone, of the opposite gender, because there is someone out there, of a certain gender, for everyone, of the opposite gender, just waiting to find you or to be found. Basically, Everyone will eventually find, and forever keep, mutual heterosexual romantic Love.

Spoiler alert: It wasn’t not true.

In fact, the true state of things is actually the very opposite. The minority of people on this planet, heterosexual or not, will experience, and live with true mutual romantic love, and will be able to keep it for a very long time, and even fewer others will be able to take it all the way to the day they die, those are at the Legendary Level ones. And I am not saying this because I am jaded or bitter or any other hurt and/or hater-inclined-behaviour, you can really miss me with alla dat. This is just that one very helpful, and hard, to accept and you don’t have to accept it by the way! reality that should hit everyone at some point, but not always does. When it doesn’t hit, people may end up tormenting themselves sometimes to death when and/or if they can’t “find love”, wondering if they are unloveable, what is wrong with them, etc etc etc.  

Reason why, it is paramount to love yourself first and foremost. 

Because it might be true that someone is “unlovable” or that there is “something wrong with them” but, if true, this is principally hindering one’s well-being because, finding and trying to fix whatever might be amiss with one's self, may not guarantee a successful mutual romantic love, but it does guarantee a happier life in general. I mean, listen, if in the scope of things, you might end up having to spend the rest of your life without a mutual romance, meaning, you have to spend infinite time with you, yourself & YOU, how is that going to work, if you don’t love yourself …? And, just in case it wasn’t common knowledge, Loving Yourself is not easy, like any other relationship, it takes work. The reason why therapy ain’t cheap ✌🏾💰💋but needed, honestly.

So, let’s make no mistake; alas Love, in any of its forms btw, if it is harmful, it is not Love is needed. In fact, as it turns out, human beings were “programmed” in such a way that having it in one's life would make their existence progress less painfully, or even painlessly. In addition, self-love is one of the purest, satisfying, and incredibly useful types of love out there.

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID, for those lucky enough to find & keep romantic love regrettably, thus far, I am not one of those, trust me when I tell you, it is not at all smooth sailing. There are just so many factors to be factored in and the bear thought of it all can honestly be enough to make anyone not want to be bothered by it.

Yet, my beloved and most precious, TwinFlame seems to have found it. Now, I can’t guarantee it to be romantic as always, despite me believing it to be so but he sure as hell is fighting his darn life to keep it. So, yes, hm, I think

JK is in Love.

If it wasn’t clear enough in episode 1 all the way to this finale, JM is a person whose presence JK particularly wants in his life, and whose absence kinda makes him feel sort of … unsettled? … but I’ll dive deep into this, later on in this post. For now, it is important to point out that my TwinFlame not only actively looks after JM, but he actively seeks JM’s attention, he actively wants to be sought by JM, he actively tries to make JM happy, he actively wants to level with JM, he actively wants JM to be comfortable around himself JK and for JM to be comfortable with himself JM. Basically, JK cares, in his own way, quite loudly for JM. And I say “his own way” because I believe JK’s emotional intelligence (EI) to be somewhat different from the common ones. I actually received an ask about his EI, which I plan to answer very soon 🙏🏾, so for now, I will not dive into that in this, cos I really ain’t trying to compete with the length of dictionaries with this post 😬. 

Japanese people, traditionally, have a fascination for sad love stories, and ever since I got into 875, I’ve been wondering if Koreans feel the same way but in their case, it is likely to be just Sadness period. You see, in the West, we “all” love a heartbreaking and passionate love story, the reason why Romeo and Juliet will probably be eternally famous. Yet, we don’t believe that true love is love, because it is brought about by unbearable suffering, so it must be real. We are more of the true love, is love, because it leads to immeasurable happiness kinda style. Basically we Westerners love Romeo and Juliet because of what they could have been, but Japanese and maybe Koreans would love Romeo of Juliet because of what they were to each other. So when a person like me watches a movie like 5 Centimetres per Second and swears to never watch it EVER AGAIN which I haven’t and refuse to, a Japanese person might think that is probably one of those movies they’ll find themselves watching over and over again and let me tell you, it was great, I just don’t think I can handle a second viewing, no thanks.

So if I am correct in thinking that Koreans feel similarly as Japanese in this matter, JK, like many other Korean folk, loves to sing sad/angsty/melancholic songs. Either by himself, or in company, like he used to with Tae probably they still do as well as watching sad movies, like JM’s favourite being The Notebook and JK’s being Titanic. Yet, here is where the glitch in the matrix happens; JK was most likely not that serious but wasn’t he? 😬 when he brought this up however, he seemed to be a little bothered by the fact that JM really liked “Hate You” out of all the song in his album. JM sang Seven, 3D and Standing Next to You this particular one he kept bringing up like there was no tomorrow, throughout all 3 trips, yet, when he played Hate You in the car, for the second time because he had as well in episode 6 JK was like; “Why?”. 

Let me tell you something.You know how I usually skip Spring Day, cause I can’t really handle it? Before AYS Ep. 8 I used to skip Hate You as well for the same reasons as Spring Day; it was too sad for me to bear as it felt closely related him singing it alone makes me relate it to him in my flowed brain, even though he didn’t write it 🙃 to people I love, people being the Tannies. Lovely by Khalid and Billie Eilish in comparison is MUCH SADDER but because I am in no way emotionally connected to either Khalid or Billie I don’t mind listening to the song at all I love that song. 

Anyways, Long story short, it looked like it bothered him a tiny bit. It felt almost as if “Sure, we are Koreans and we like sad love songs, this being an excellent one, but I don’t want MY love story to be sad” kind of bothered “also this better have NOTHING to do with the fact that Shawn Mendes wrote this song!” - perhaps nervously thought JK 🤡🤣😂. In fact, there are a few situations that came up, involving him and JM, which “bothered” him and he had no qualms in bringing up with JM right away, which by the way is healthy AF. JK seems to be the type of partner that wants to confront you right away and will not let it be until he hears the words that make him know that the “conflict” is cleared to his own satisfaction, or until he senses you don’t want to talk about it any further in that particular moment.

Those are all examples, during AYS, where JK was satisfied with the answer that JM gave him to the legit concerns/silly questions he brought up. JK’s reaction right after all of those answers was him being content/happy, by laughing, singing along, or something else, hence moving on. Below is an example where he wasn’t satisfied with the answer:

Did he just drop it? Did they talk it out? As always, we will never know, as this part cuts into another scene. Only JK, JM and the editors will know and this is a fact we should never forget. Never forget about editing limitations, and this is a very good moment to add that even though whoever translated this show did a shitty ass job, the crew that went with them, to film in Sapporo specifically, seemed to be quite familiar with them, their dynamics almost like friends, which I think contributed with JK and JM feeling as comfy as they did in Japan.

Japan.

By the looks of it, this is the country that holds special meaning to both myself and my TwinFlame and, NGL, this kinda makes me happy and feel special LOL 😜. BUT, I DIGRESS! Didn’t JK seem a bit more … relaxed? Besides the very romantic fact that he wanted to go back to Tokyo because it was their first trip, didn’t JK seem a tad flirtier, a tad cuter, a tad more annoying, a tad comfier and just so fucking happy? He, and I’d dare say JM as well, truly let their guards down, even if just a tad. The fact that JK & JM wondered how the crew would have edited the content tells me that they were fully aware about the fact that they were being filmed, but didn’t want to think too much about it, because they wanted to also have a sense of freedom. Because of that, perhaps, they tried to give us as much realness as they could, restraining themselves in some instances, while also saying Fuck it! in few other cases during which they perhaps forgot about the fact that they were being filmed, confidently relying on their trusted crew to properly edit the footage in the best way possible. But back to the main point,

JK is in Love.

JK is probably the type of person who wishes he could have an answer, and/or remedy, to any problem his significant other may have. Yeah, he is probably the type of man that wishes he could take away all their pain, or feel it for them instead, and it is exactly because he seems to be willing to do anything for his loved one’s well-being that I think that sometimes he does struggle with some of their societal boundaries, such as; age hierarchy. Without getting too much into his EI, the part in episode 7 where he brings up how things would have been if he and JM would have been born the same year really stood out and stayed with me.

In this particular instance, for the first time I finally got to see him kinda mind about their age difference, almost troubled and not because he might think it to be a lot which it isn't at all, but because according to their societal practices, he theoretically should constantly be mindful about it, limiting greatly the actions he can do, not that he’s ever heed to them, but the fact is that he should, and in certain situations, he must. If we think about it properly, right from their debut years, JK has struggled a lot with referring, and treating, JM as a hyung, which is actually quite weird considering that the person he treated more like a “chingu” friend of the same age in this context was is Tae, even though, to my knowledge, he’s never dropped honorifics with him and had no desire in doing so, as explained during the first In The Soop which in hindsight, I’m sure must have confused Tae a lot who has been trying to be his cool hyung for as long as I can remember  (the following pictures are not from In The Soop, but Festa 2021). 

Like, it is honestly so peculiar how, back in the day, JK had never really treated JM as your typical “chingu”, nor a hyung, yet found himself sticking by JM’s side a lot, off cameras, filming him a lot, acting stand-offish just to apologise right after, staring at him a lot, learning all his likes and dislikes, studying his body and habits, doing questionable things such as focusing rather often on his lips and butt through a camera lens, which eventually evolved into JM being the first member he’s ever bought a gift for, as well as being the first member he’s ever travelled alone with… basically, as I’ve stated, JK has really never seen JM as his hyung or friend though he does try to remind himself of it. 

So if JM is not a hyung, or a “chingu”; then what is he? 🙄… 

Wanna know what’s even funnier? JM clearly cares about JK enormously and though he likes most of all of his sides cos JK can be annoying when he wants to 🤡✌🏾 the side he likes the most is his cute side; but here comes the catch. It would seem that from their debut days, JM truly became fond of that cutesy, happily skipping, side that JK shows with his hyungs in particular and the fact that they are ALL his hyung, including JM, just made writing this sentence so weird NGL …, that cuddly, super-maknae aura he has many a time, with literally everyone but the 95s, because Tae, as speculated, he seems to see as a chingu and JM as a … charming person?? Whatever that means.

Now JK does give JM “cute”, sometimes, but it is not the little brother kind of cute. It’s that “don’t go without me…” kind of cute, “let’s buy the same one” kinda cute, “you didn’t show me first, so I am hurt” kinda cute, “how do I look?” kind of cute “I can film you, but don’t film me” kind cute, “... spend time with ME!” kinda cute … you get the jist, don’t you? Cause, repeat after me; He a simp, he a simp, he a simp! And there is nothing wrong with being a simp tbh, as long as you own up to it, and JK does own up to it marvellously 💋.

And remember when I mentioned about him feeling sort of unsettled when JM isn’t around? I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days but doesn’t it almost feel like a sort of … separation anxiety? Through the whole episodes it sometimes felt like he tried to do as much as possible, of anything, with JM as if he would just take off and leave at some point. This could also explain him always popping up on WEVERSE whenever JM took a flight, or trying his darn best to get him to come around even though they had just spent so much time together in the US. But who knows right? Perhaps he just really loves to spend every hour, every minute, every second with JM because, like crazy,  

JK is in Love.

So in love that he thought it important for himself to drive them to the airport, hence he didn’t drink that last beer I know he was dying inside, as well as taking a flight to Korea with JM, when he really could have just flown to the US from Japan. So in love that out of all the trips he's been to in his life, Are You Sure?! is the best trip he’s ever been on and he wishes to reboot when they come out of the military, where, by the way, they presently are together 🤡 . So in love that he wasn’t going to have JM get sad and lost in his own thoughts while in his presence, no, reason why, like a knight in shining armour, he “went and saved” him from his slump and not because JM was a princess in distress, but because prince charming also needs saving every once in a while If you ask me, the main “princess” in this relationship is my TwinFlame, no doubt, cause I also fo happen to think that they do take turns, for sure. Hence, the main “prince charming” is most definitely JM, and btw, frequency of a certain behaviour is not a factor that determines who is “main” 💋. 

Marengo Confession-Time!  😬- here it goes: I love watching people react to ANY 875 content, but I haven’t been able to watch anybody react to Are You Sure?! Because to put it plainly I am scared. I’m scared that people will question their relationship, or have homophobic reactions, or feel uncomfortable watching them when they do what they do. I just don’t want them to be hated for something they can’t help and are comfortable with. For the most part I am sure they would maybe nt comment, or chalk it up as “brotherly behavior", but what if they don’t? In fact, I am also so apprehensive of the reaction the world would have if they are a couple if they ever came out, it genuinely terrifies me.

I don’t want them to be looked at like freaks, or worse, so I am not able to bring myself to watch people react to them, in the same way I turn off when people have unwarranted shit to say when reacting to 875’s music. If they are a couple, I truly want them to be happy, safe, and become part of the Legendary Level ones. So, even though the world may not be fully ready to want their chapter in their history books, I hope it will someday,  because theirs would be such a motivating and enthralling chapter at that. 

I don’t know what will await them when they come out of ME. It is interesting though that JK made all these memories during the trip to take with himself and think about while serving. The snow he watched with JM, the restaurants they ate at, the time they tried skiing for the first time, the antics in the sauna and the “scuzzi”, the tuna-mayo gimbap he knew JM would love, the good afternoon and good night whiskey, and more. Now that I think about it, in some way, JK has a similar Love background to mine, he most likely wasn’t taught that romantic Love can come from someone of the same gender and he wasn’t exactly taught that not having children or a traditional family can be okay. 

Yet, I have a feeling that just like me, through movies perhaps, songs, or other means he’s figured out a thing or two. I have a feeling that he will decide for himself what Love is to himself, all the forms of Love he will need, who embodies Love for him, and what role Love will take in his life, and whether or not JM turns out to be that person MAKE NO MISTAKE: JM is an incredibly important person in his life. So, it is a strong feeling I have, but then again when has JK ever not taken control of his own life? When has he ever not followed his instincts and/or succumbed to what people want him to do? Same for JM really. 

These are two boys who found themselves in Seoul even though they were born in Busan, like, the universe wanted them to meet. They are two boys, who, along with the other five, made the phrase impossible Is Nothing feel real. After all, these are indeed two boys who really can’t be told to do anything. There is a very famous quote, which kinda makes me think of them:

I am the Master of my Fate, I am the Captain of my Soul.

So yeah, the future is uncertain but one thing is for sure, no relationship that took so long, so much care, and so many trails to build, can be so easily destroyed. So, fighting TwinFlame, whatever it is you want, you got this! 👊🏾.

Always respectfully yours 🫰🏾💜,

Marengo.

PS - Dammit! I miss them so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[diamondoffaith]

A deep love for one's lord (Dear, Dawn Dyed by the Rainbow analysis)

Wish me Mell = the dawn Willmesh's emotions = the rainbow/colors "dawn dyed by the rainbow" = Willmesh finally being able to express his feelings, first starting with his lord

full translation

LYRICS

The song is about Willmesh wanting to convey his feelings, starting with showing them to Wish me Mell, his beloved lord. It was also the entire reason Sanrio themselves created Wish me Mell in the first place; "She targets young women, around ages 15-20, who are too shy to outwardly express their feelings and represents simple yet kind phrases such as "I like you" or "thank you."

Willmesh instead writes down what he's feeling, both as a way to reflect but also as a way to preserve memories, as some lyrics (+ the blurring during the spoken parts) could point to the memory loss between the possible timeline resets (Like how in my YBNR analysis I said Puruth does the same with photography)

Rainbows/Colors represent Willmesh's emotions. He tends to hide them away which leads to him struggling to express them, but even so, he'll always be full of love for his lord. Reposting from my translation post: Myunna mentions Mono no Aware, a Japanese tradition(?) that has to do with deeply understanding human emotion evoked through anything in life, and can also mean "The gentle sadness of things"

FLOWERS

(thanks fragmem discord again)

VOICE DRAMA

The voice drama hints at something happening to Wish me Mell, which is why Willmesh instead became Kuromi's knight. He failed to save her (from possibly a seed), and so he wants to protect another lord (who at the time didn't have a knight) instead.

Outside of the song, the dawn, rainbows, and doves (which show up in the mv) can all represent hope for a new and better future, rebirth, and happiness (but doves can also represent death). Willmesh doesn't want to fully let go of Wish me Mell, and hopes he can find her again someday.

BONUS: LOUTER :(

He's scared of loneliness, loss and change, and would do anything to keep his loved ones safe...... give him a hug right now

[writer-ace]

Now that I've irritated people with my post about small talk, here are a couple other skills that I (an autistic person) think autistic people and also everyone else benefit from working on:

Processing feedback and critical commentary. Especially if you have rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) it can be incredibly hard to process feedback or critical commentary of you, your work, or your special interests. It can often be tempting to avoid thinking about or addressing that feedback entirely because it hurts again or to dismiss all negative feedback as not actually correct because it hurts you or because it's coming from an NT person who just doesn't understand ND people. These are entirely understandable responses. But at the same time, you will face feedback and critical commentary, and some of it will be entirely legitimate. Sometimes, for me, getting negative feedback on something at work or on a piece of writing can feel awful. But if I'm not able to take that feedback, recognize what of it I actually disagree with because I think it's incorrect versus what I just don't want to listen to because it makes me feel bad, and then act accordingly, I literally am not able to do my job. The same is true for interpersonal or societal relations. If someone says "you hurt me with your actions and I need you to not do them again" you might feel incredibly hurt by it, but you still have a responsibility to apologize and fix your behavior rather than just getting defensive or making your hurt feelings their fault. The same is true if someone tells you that you did/said/wrote something that was racist or sexist or queerphobic or ableist or whatever. You might ultimately decide that you disagree with their point, but you owe it to them and to yourself to work past your hurt, seriously consider what they're saying, and not make your hurt their problem. This is a real emotional regulation skill that can be incredibly hard but also will get better with practice. Work on figuring out what structure and processes work best for you, possibly with the help of a therapist or someone else, and keep working at it.

Summarizing information and/or identifying key information. This is not about stopping you from providing all of the information that you want, but about trying to convey the information you want to convey in a way that people with different language processing than you can more easily follow and also help people be on the same page. I know that a lot of ND people hate when NT people speak indirectly, but I also know for myself when I am hyperverbal I often end up communicating information in a way that is disordered, roundabout, or difficult to follow. Even if the information I am saying is relevant, it may not be clear to the people I am trying to convey the information to because it is not organized. Being able to identify the key points that I was making and/or summarize it helps people who couldn't necessarily follow my more roundabout wording also understand what I was trying to convey. It can also make directions clear at work. At the same time, being able to summarize someone else's information back to them allows me to confirm that my information matches their intent and allows them to correct any misunderstandings on my part. The other benefit is that it helps me make sure that what I am saying (especially if I am giving directions or feedback at work) is what I mean to be saying. If I can summarize it and agree with my summary, then I know I'm saying what I'm trying to say. Having to distill it forces me to think through it methodically, and I sometimes find that I disagree with some of what I said once I get it down to simple language. By doing this, it gives me a chance to correct myself.

[spookythesillyfella]

YOU. Your fanfiction.. I'd never be able to fully convey the emotions I feel after reading something involving the creature but I think you're actually just really good at writing characters in general. I would be LYING if I said I didn't make a few noises of "Oh my god" I'M PRONE TO GETTING REALLY EMOTIONAL OVER SOMETHING IF IT HITS SOMEWHERE DEEP OKAY. Brendon and Shrigs.. What the fuckkk I'M GOING TO CRY AT SUCH A WEIRD HOUR TO CRY I JUST CAN'T tell you how I INSTANTLY jumped to the fanfiction the SECOND I saw that link. You have such an impact on me Spooky please never ever stop this writing (i feel so sick when. Shrigs was talking... about being the one to help others rather than anyone helping them. I'M SO SICK RIGHT NOW 100 LAWYERS ARE YOUR DOOR. ASAP) ANONSANODSDLKSJDSJLKDSAL

TYSMMM !!!!! THANK YOU SOSO MUCH . DOLL !!!!!!! 💌💌💌💌💌

with thiz fic i kinda wanted to build up a bit on that one line in "Team Building Exercise!" – where brendy told shrig "he can alwayz come by when thingz get too rough at home" ; on top of that . i also just kinda wanted to explore more of brendon n shrigz relationship – they tend to bicker quite often and are mostly kept under control by tracey . but they by no meanz dislike each other

matter of fact . i think shrig seez brendon az probably the only ever figure who will understand them well – tracey alwayz demandz detailz and tendz to jump to drastic matterz to fix thingz [for example . if shrig had told them about the incident . they'd go all "LETZ KILL HIM !!!!!" and constantly press him for information] . and larz would be extremely nonchalant . offering support in the only way he really knowz . to become mellow and apathetic toward it [if shrig would've told him about the situation . he wouldn't exactly know how to help – he'd probably make something for shrig to eat . listen to them talk about it and then just offer for them to pick one of the myriad of unhealthy coping mechanismz he haz for them to indulge in together]

what im trying to get at iz that . while brendon iz generally responsible and people can rely on him . hez still short-tempered and haz difficultiez controlling hiz anger . especially in the heat of the moment . lashing out oftentimez ; hez trying hiz best . but he definitely still haz a long way to go

i struggled so much with thiz fic . honestly – i didn't like any of my descriptionz or dialogue and every time i tried to write even a paragraph for it . i'd get such an awful headache that . by the time i'd barely manage to put something to paper . i already wanted to give up nd delete it n start from scratch ; i don't know HOW i had the impulse control to NOT get rid of it whenever i opened it . let alone go through and POST it but I DID !!!!! and maybe thatz cauze for celebration ? i dunno

but yeah . the short and sweet of it iz that THANKYOU FOR APPRECIATING THIZ THING THAT I DEVOTED WAY TOO MUCH OF MY ATTENTION TO !!!!!!!!! I SHOULD'VE DONE SOMETHING BETTER WITH MY FREE TIME BUT HERE WE ARE !!!!!!!!!!!!!