#there's way less mentally ill people that do crimes than it is just people being affected by the system

[adhbabey]

Psychopathy is a thing tho. It is separate from ASPD and psychosis. It is not technically a diagnosis, it is currently considered a "personality construct". Sociopath is less an official term these days than psychopath, which is whatever but while there is significant overlap between ASPD and psychopathy, they are not necessarily the same thing. Someone could have one or both but they have different criteria. And psychosis is another thing entirely. There are also two types of psychopathy, factor 1 and factor 2. Factor 2 tends to line up more with ASPD or what some would call a sociopath. There's also a thing called pseudopsychopathy, typically associated with damage to the ventromedial prefrontal cortex.

I agree that it is problematic that police procedurals/true crime shows and movies heavily associate psychopathy and personality disorders with violent crime. However, criminal offenders, violent or otherwise, often do have (usually undiagnosed and untreated) mental disorders or are neurodivergent.

People try so hard to separate personality disorders and psychotic disorders from violence and crime that they forget that criminals are still people with their own psychopathology that may or may not impact their criminal behavior. There is no single thing that determines someones choices, but it is disingenuous to say that someone's psychopathology has no effect at all.

One thing, psychosis is not a disorder, it's a symptom of many disorders. Psychosis is when you experience delusions and hallucinations, similar to a hypnotic trance, and is often caused by triggers, such as unreality. "Psychotic" people refer to those with psychosis.

Psychopathy, however, is not in the DSM, and is not a thing, just something we made up to assign to people who are "evil". Here is a good article on it. It's not real in the case that it's a "mental disorder". Sure, it exists as something in criminal psychology, but it's not an actual thing that actually applies to anyone, just something we apply to people that we deem as bad.

People with ASPD are those who have no affective empathy, they cannot experience other people's emotions as their own, and can struggle to understand their own emotions as a part of that. There are many people who are compassionate and kind, with little to no affective empathy, that shouldn't make them villains. As well as, people who mirror others is a common human experience, even with animals, that's normal and not weird. People with ASPD need your support and kindness, trying to convince me of the goodness of criminal psychology doesn't help victims. My blog is here to support all disabled and neurodivergent and mentally ill people, those with ASPD are a part of that. They're not scary at all.

I need you to understand this is not about me discounting the work that doctors do, but the way in which this information is used. This is only used to further demonize those with mental illnesses and disorders, I hope you understand. Think about stuff like profiling or body analysis, or how mental institutions once held both criminals and those who were mentally ill. This information doesn't exist in a vacuum, it's always meant to hurt someone else.

I think that these traits and symptoms associated with criminals is a bad thing. It's like the prison industrial complex, something used to put marginalized people in prison, so they can't fight back. It's not just people of color, it's all marginalized people, disabled people are one of them. Disabled people already barely have any autonomy, so any disabled people that are deemed as dangerous are locked up, what do you think about that? It's real, these things happen all the time.

Do you know like, other disorders that are associated with "damage to the prefrontal cortex", ADHD. I don't think like,, there's much to say on the research of "psychopaths" when it's not even in the manual of mental disorders, and it's often associated with an actual disorder and a symptom of several disorders. But that one disorder isn't even the same, it's deemed as a different thing all together. I honestly think a lot of this is bullshit, and only further causes harm to those of us who are disabled.

Do you even know that most people with personality disorders cannot seek treatment because it's so demonized? That they get turned away or have their disabilities erased, because there is so much shame and hatred surrounding these disorders. Did you even know that some people have medication forced on them because they have a "dangerous" mental illness? I'm not surprised if you haven't. I'm not surprised with the amount of ableism in this world. People with stigmatized disorders are the victims, not neurotypical abled people.

I won't change your mind, clearly. But I want more people to reconsider the information that they are given to, on a silver platter, by the police. Ask yourself why is that information handed to you, so freely? Why is it so easy to believe? How easy is it to just blame someone for the world's problems, and not on the system that created such horrible things? This is not a mistake, I need you to understand that much.

[kindnessoverperfection]

I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

[zoetiger-1106]

The Chameleon is actually a really complex character and here's why.

Disclaimer: This post will contain kfp 4 spoilers as well as include info from interviews and the animation featurette and I will be analyzing the movie pretending that everything had deeper thought put into it even tho it's most likely not the case sometimes

For those who haven't seen it, have the absolute criminal offense that screwed with the story telling of this movie because it is important context.

Now that we have that whole thing out of the way, let me explain to you how the Chameleon's character is shown through more subtle things instead of just very in your face exposition/ storytelling.

1) Cammy's insecurities

The first time she was in on screen, Cammy was established as being in charge of Juniper City via commanding the local crime lords. She is hidden among them for the first part of their conversation, where she observes them badmouth her before she reveals herself, but even before the reveal, we get hints to her being there via the line "You forgot the shape-shifting sorceress part" that she throws into the conversation after the bear crime lord insulted her appearance.

Despite showing herself as in control and well put together, her need to interject hints at the fact that she does still have some underlying insecurities regarding her true form.

That insecure aspect of her character is further proven by her summoning Tai Lung first (I'll get to that later) and a statement from Viola Davis where she talked about how she did the character voice for Cammy

The underlying implication that she has internalized when masters told her she was "too small, too lowly and that kung fu wasn't [her] destiny" is proven even more when you take into consideration that she exclusively transforms into species that are larger and more physically powerful than her.

She literally says: "I grew, I excelled, and I got everything I had ever dreamed of." Everything BUT kung fu. The one thing she wanted to do from the very beginning. So, with that context, the "dream" she got fulfilled to a degree was the power. Conventional, physical power.

People have told her kung fu wasn't "her destiny" so she decided to take matters into her own hands and do what she believed to get her to where she wanted to.

To quote the Stephanie Ma Stine, the director who actually cared about her: "Because she has this anger that's been build up from always being invisible to everyone else, her transformation process actually reflects her anger."

All those years of being over looked and seen as less than had such an impact on her that it consumes ever part of her being. That lizard needs a hug and therapy, your honor.

As I said, I wanted to get into why she summoned Tai Lung first (chill I know this was not actually as thought out as I am interpreting it to be but hear me out.)

Tai Lung is everything she isn't and couldn't have been.

He is tall and conventionally powerful. Even if you knew nothing about his character, you could take a look at him and know that man is strong. On top of that, he had received formal training at a renowned school by a renowned master. Taking his kung fu first and foremost is not only the fulfillment of a wish she's had her whole life but also a power move on it's own; while not able to do kung fu Cammy still managed to beat someone who was what the schools she had gone to all those years ago would have considered the ideal student.

Also can we acknowledge how the water dragons (those are not komodo dragons idc how often it's stated) clap for her after she's done with Tai? Show of hands from all the mentally ill people who'd get their henchmen to clap for them too because they desperately need praise 🙋

Similar can be said for how she makes the people of Juniper City bow before her when she is paraded around; it makes her feel powerful.

Lastly I'd like to point out that her line of "Third rule of the streets? [...] Some would say it's the most important. Noone is interested in your feelings." Is probably something she got from people not caring about her feelings back in the day when she tried to pursue her passion.

2) Cammy's knowledge & skill

"Those bonds (the cages) are enchanted with some very old and very powerful magic. You'd need at least 10 Dragon Warrior's to get through them". Not only can she create such strong (presumably) chi based bonds but she can make them in batches and with ease. Between the scene of her accepting tributes from the crime lords of the city and Po's vision about her plan we can see her enchant multiple cages at once.

Not only that but she knows advanced chi techniques as well as how to open portals to the Spirit Realm. That is not easy information to come by Cammy has been researching chi in general for god knows how many years.

I don't know if I have said this on this blog before but her not being redeemed is such a wast because she could have not only helped Po further his mastery in chi but also aid in replacing a lot of the scrolls in the JP since she is knowledgeable on history and the history of kung fu and master too.

You honor that lizard is a nerd and deserves to geek out with Po.

I'd also like to point out that not only is she able to shape shift but do it incredibly swiftly. She can be seen switching forms in a matter of seconds even mid combat. Not only that but she has so much control off her body that she was able to create that dragon from of hers by transforming parts of her into different beings with little to no effort. That forms for incredibly stable too; she only transformed out of it to change her strategy.

Her incredible amount of control over her body funnily enough also shown by her 3d model alone. As stated by Sean Sexton the head of character animation "The Chameleon had 8130 controls. You could move every single part of that character [...]"

Lastly, I need to talk about how she genuinely is like Po.

I've seen people say that she can't do anything on her own because she just steals people's kung fu when no. No that is not the case. After having stolen enough master's kung fu to have a wide knowledge of the craft she was able to mimic and adapt to Po's style without having to steal anything from him. If she wouldn't have been given the opportunity to learn kung fu she would have become like Po and been able to master techniques based on simply observing them.

TLDR: Cammy is a great character this fandom is just horrible to female villains

[megaderping]

Nothing drives me up the wall more in the Persona 5 fandom than when people act like they'd be so much better than Akechi in his position. "Well, I would know better!" Bullshit. You don't know that. Japan's treatment of illegitimate children is so heinous that I don't think it's easy for westerners to comprehend. As I understand it, when you turn 15, you're thrown out of the system. Akechi was... how old when he approached Shido? Ah, yes, 15. Likely, he'd been cast out to fend for himself when Yaldabaoth gave him the power (with very malevolent intentions). Shido has his cleaner and his connections. Even if Akechi quit, he wouldn't be safe in the real world. Maybe in the Metaverse, but how long could he even feasibly stay there before needing to eat and sleep? There are safe areas, sure, but those are hardly accommodating, and people severely understate the impact Shido could've had on his mental health once he did join with him. Look at Yusuke and Haru, both of whom were abused and neglected by their parental figures. Both of whom had difficulty even acknowledging what was wrong. Haru continued to downplay her father's crimes and atrocities as well as his abuse of her, likely in part due to her grief and in part due to her wishes for what he could've been. Trauma and mental illness as well as a lack of support systems can break people and push them to make reckless choices because they believe there is nothing else they are good for. The Phantom Thieves were lucky enough to have each other, and that saved them from going down a dark path. Any one of them could have and, hell, if Yaldabaoth had chosen Yusuke or Haru, for instance, there's no way Madarame and Okumura wouldn't have taken advantage of that power and made them do heinous things. Just... god. I really hate the armchair "well, I'm smart enough to know better and I would take homelessness over ~murder~." It's easy to say that when you haven't suffered years of neglect and presumably abuse in a society that sees you as less than human due to circumstances outside your control (e.g. being an illegitimate child whose mother did sex work) in a country that is opposed to adoption overall and just... Argh. And this all started because I tried to point out that, hey, maybe calling Shuake toxic in a server for a fic that is one of the big Akechi and Shuake fics isn't the kindest thing, tried to explain things, and it just blew up. While also pushing for why their preferred ship is better and like... god. I hate that so much. ._. Fastest way to turn me off of a ship is when really hostile fans use their preferred pairing to tear down one that I really like. Just... blargh. What a way to start the day.

[ohanny]

stabby murder husbands kentakim au!

does this make much sense? no. is it going to be long? yes. am i sometimes very happy about what my mentally ill lil brain cooks up while i sleep? very much so.

tony chen is a rotten super villain in every universe but in this one kenta was his assassin until he finally had enough, turned on his master during the bloodiest night known in these circles, john wick style, and then disappeared off the face of the earth. was tony running the high table? how deep does the lore go? who knows. i was asleep. my brain did not have the capacity to figure it all out.

flash forward some years. kenta is living a normal life. he has a boring office job. he’s reconnected with babe, his estranged brother who ran away from home at the first sight of sketchy activities and was spared from all of tony’s bullshit. unfortunately for kenta, babe - happily married and pregnant - is channelling all his extra hormones and boredom into a mission to socialize his hermit crab of an older brother.

which is how kenta ends up eating dinner in babe and charlie’s warehouse loft of doom, sitting opposite of kim - a regular customer at the couple’s garage and a casual friend. it’s an awkward affair because a) kim can't stop staring b) babe keeps shooting these looks at kenta all “see, i brought you a hot ginger, do something with it” and c) kenta would much rather be at home. unsurprisingly, when kim offers him a ride home at the end of the evening, kenta says no.

this turns out to be a bad call because on his way home, kenta gets jumped. it happens sometimes - after all, he was tony’s weapon for over a decade and made a lot of enemies, no one can escape their past without occasionally being haunted by it. except this time when he limps out of the alleyway, clutching a minor stab wound on his side, there is a car idling by the pavement.

it's kim, rolling down the window and telling kenta to get his ass in. against his better judgment kenta does.

kim speeds off the scene of the crime with the kind of ease and confidence kenta has only ever seen from babe. it quickly becomes apparent that he knows way more about kenta than he should because he starts asking about cameras and when kenta just stares blankly - bleeding all over the nice upholstery - kim laughs and says “don’t worry, even if you got a bit rusty and missed one, i know a guy. or two. since they live with me you'll meet them soon anyway.”

and fuck, kenta should have just trusted his instincts instead of chalking kim making him nervous up to having someone so pretty pay any level of attention to him. he finally finds his voice (and lowkey also his knife) and demands to know who the hell kim is or if he's even called that. “oh i am,” kim answers gleefully, “and you could say i’m a… freelancer.” which, great. just amazing. kenta is being kidnapped by some amateur bounty hunter and his day officially couldn't get any worse.

… but it does. because once they reach their destination, the second he's ushered into an apartment he's greeted by an obnoxiously loud scream of “holy shit, he actually did it!” followed by a slightly less obnoxiously loud “our kimmy here is a big fan!” and then “oh fuck he’s bleeding all over the place, get the med kit dumbass!” and kenta realizes he wasn't kidnapped by some amateur bounty hunter. he was kidnapped by a fucking fan boy. on the bright side they do seem to be capable of basic wound care so there's that.

(yes, the trio is living their best mercenary vigilante life. kenta’s purge of tony happened right as kim was getting into the game and he went full “holy fucking shit, this man took down tony fucking chen and got away with it?” and basically became obsessed with the legendary lore of john wick kenta. so imagine how pumped he was when babe of all people introduced him to his ultimate murder crush goals)

kim: obviously you'll need to stay the night since you're so injured. You can have my room. i’ll just sleep with north and sonic.

kenta: …

sonic: you have a problem with three men sleeping together?

kenta: … no?

north: great! but if you hypothetically did you could ask kim to share with you instead because trust me, he's like super interes -

kim: shut up or i’ll evict you.

north: pls, whose day job is paying the bills here since you only take on charity cases?

kim: my name is on the lease! and i'm being a good person!

sonic: honey, you kill people.

this is where i got with my dream sequence but other things that just make sense in this verse:

the first person kim ever killed was winner. he was a toxic college hook up who kim dumped after few gos but who wouldn't take no for an answer. kim could have dealt with him being a dick on campus but then he started harassing kim’s dorm mates, north and sonic and kim just… snapped.

it all came to head on an alley behind a trashy gay bar. winner tried to grab sonic and kim honestly just meant to beat the shit out of him but went too far. when they read the news the next day it's weird. none of them regret it. they’re happy about it. and when no one knocks on their door to ask any questions, they realize how easy it actually is to get rid of a bad person.

the second person kim kills is a campus dirtbag who likes slipping shit into girls’ drinks and taking them home. they plan it all together but kim goes out alone and after… he's a mess. winner was a crime of passion in the heat of the moment but this is something different. he's all keyed up. he can't settle down and paces around their living room. a man is dead and he thinks he got off clean but only time will tell. he's nervous and elated and half-hard and full of adrenaline and it's sonic who nudges north and goes “look at the poor thing, we should take care of him.”

the night ends with kim’s head on sonic’s lap, sonic’s fingers in his hair, telling him he did well and he's so good when he cries as he's getting fucked into the mattress by north. kim wakes up sandwiched between them, in a mess of limbs. he has a very brief freak out about what the happened - the sex, not the murder - but north shushes him, telling him it’s not a big deal. “we love you, hyungie” sonic shrugs and pecks his cheek. “you two get some more rest and i’ll bring breakfast, okay?” and that's that.

needless to say kenta is in for a culture shock with the northsonickim arrangement. like he's taking a shower with kim and things are getting good when sonic barges into the bathroom, yanks the shower curtain back and goes on a rant of “kim, you gotta tell north to do the laundry because it was his turn but he forgot and now my favorite pants still have cum stains on them!” and kenta is like “um, excuse us?” but kim just rolls his eyes and proceeds to yell for north and then has an entire damn conversation with his dick out while kenta just stands there all 🧍‍♂️. (after he's done chewing north out for the laundry, he turns to sonic like “and you! we talked about this! kenta is new, we don't want to spook him!”)

the whole murder thing will be another conflict. kenta is happily retired. he killed because that's what he was raised to do and he didn't have any other options until he did. kim though? kim kills because he wants to. kim kills because he believes certain people deserve to die.

kim: i have a date with a wife beater at 2am. wanna come?

kenta: stop calling them dates. and you shouldn't be so… flippant about it.

kim, smirking while pulling on his leather gloves: don't tell me you never enjoyed it.

while kenta’s kills were always obvious hits, done using knives and guns, kim likes to deliver justice personally. he warms up using his hands and finishes the job with whatever blunt object he can pick up.

one time kenta’s boring office job takes him out of town for business and kim is climbing the walls. he calls kenta all “please quit and just become a hit man again, the pay is better and you'd be home when i need you” and kenta sighs because yes, his job is boring but he's trying his best to be normal and he has a morning meeting. so he tells kim to go occupy himself with north and sonic

kim: wait.. What?

kenta: don't you guys have sex with each other all the time?

kim: we did, BEFORE i met you

kenta: … huh. well. go fuck or get fucked or whatever before you start hunting pedestrians for stress relief.

kim: is this a trap?

kenta: no? i would never mess with whatever the three of you have.

Kim barging into north and sonic’s room, growling at them to take their clothes off and sonic’s first reaction is “oh shit, they broke up” but then kim’s like “dick first, rings second, i’m going to wife that man so hard he won't know what hit him” and everyone cheers and no one feels bad about having a pre-engagement celebration threesome not involving one of the grooms.

also, pete? did he step up after tony’s death? does he run a business like the continental? is way his weird attic wife that fucked himself over in the business and now can't step a foot outside the hotel without getting his brains blown out the less fun way? in any case he would have an eye on both kenta (because their whole… brotherhood) and kim (because kim is a wild card and truly independent and neither follows nor knows the code).

[trumanshcw]

WEST COAST LOVE / 16. superposition.

isn't it an irony? / the things that inspire me / they make me bleed / so profusely ( "superposition" - daniel caeser )

SYNOPSIS: after 2 years of being MIA in the industry, y/n is forced back into the spotlight by her label. any ill feelings while hastily preparing for her new album start to disappear as her label gets the idol she'd been admiring, natty, to feature on a song.

WORD COUNT: 1.4k

WARNINGS: self-deprecation. reader kinda spirals for a bit. mention of a past panic attack. reader is not doing so good mentally.

PREV | MASTERLIST | NEXT

you don't mean to be dramatic, but you think you could die right now. it probably would be for the best, and at least you would be happy after the fact.

you're currently sitting in the chair in front of your home studio (the leather is actively peeling, you've been telling yourself that you need to get a new one for a while now) and natty is sitting next to you on a stool that cannot be comfortable.

you're stuck. you don't know what you were expecting, really. maybe some part deep down inside of you tried to convince yourself that you asking for natty's number was infact not an impulsive decision and maybe a genuine attempt at working on this album, but you know the truth.

maybe you can trick your fans into thinking you're something great, smart even, but you can't trick yourself. this entire ordeal was selfish, selfish of the company for forcing you to work on music long before you were ready, and selfish of you for having natty on the album as a way to finally talk to her.

you do like her as an artist, of course. maybe if you weren't the type of person to put fancams of her performing "nobody knows" on in the background while you were working on something else (which wasn't a lie as much as yunjin and giselle makes it out to be, by the way. some people use hour long deep dives into franchises or internet drama to focus on work, some use true crime podcasts, and you just happened to use videos of natty performing, or singing, or, hell, sometimes her just talking. hey, everybody is different), you would've gotten her on the album solely because of her artistry. "sugarcoat" was a hit for a reason, after all.

as minutes that feel like an eternity pass by, you can feel whatever calm demeanor you tried putting up slowly crumble away as a feeling of dread pools into your stomach.

natty has been actively contributing ideas, whether it be simple phrases or full on lyrics, and jotting them down on a spare notebook you had lying around. shamelessly, you've been nodding on everything she had brought up so far. natty could probably say the most ridiculous thing ever heard and you would still say 'yes, natty, that sounds great,' like it wasn't your album you were working on.

anyways, the fact of the matter is that you have contributed nothing. the person who you invited to feature on this nonexistent song has more of a vision and an idea for it than you could ever possibly imagined yourself. it's so embarrassing that your responses to her pitches are gradually getting more minimal as your wish for the floor to just swallow you like quicksand grows.

what were you even famous for, anyways? your debut was a hit, sure, but you didn't write it, nor produce it like you did with your last album. you didn't tamper with lyrics until your first comeback, which earned you a spot dead last on the writing credits for "save room for us". you never bothered with checking the sales of your releases because your CEO usually told you how your albums were doing commercially, which usually boiled down to "it's doing pretty good" or "it's doing less than we were expecting, but that's okay."

you bite your bottom lip. maybe you let the success for your debut get to your head, and convinced yourself you were a real artist. you convinced yourself that you could write, that you could produce, that you could compose, that you knew what you were doing.

if you were a real artist, you would've gotten over how lonely promoting by yourself felt. if you were a real artist, you would gotten used to having articles of the stupidest rumors still circulating ever since you debuted because the company doesn't see it as a genuine priority to take them down. if you were a real artist, you wouldn't have needed to go on a 2 year hiatus all over a small panic attack you had after a festival performance instead of sucking it up and moving on.

but you aren't. everyone that you worked with who let you to continue to tell yourself besides the fact was trying to set yourself up for failure. hate comments from random people on the internet still stung like a knife wound. wouldn't you have been able to deal with the hardships this job guaranteed you by now? why couldn't you just grit your teeth and roll with the punches already?

"y/n?"

your head practically snaps towards natty, who now has a hand on your shoulder. you absentmindedly hummed in response.

"you're like…" natty points at one of her eyes with her free hand. you reach up to your own eyes to find tears getting dabbed onto your fingers.

it takes a second for what's happening to set in until you feel yourself come back to reality. you wipe the tears away as nonchalantly as you could, "oh—" with a choked laugh thrown in to hopefully build away the tension. "sorry about that."

natty looks confused, concerned even, her hand is still on your shoulder. "what are you apologizing for? y/n you were crying, are you okay?"

"yeah, yeah. it's just—" you can feel whatever you planned to say die in your throat. practically tongue-tied. do you really want to burden natty with your issues? how would you even lie to make yourself look like you weren't about to break down crying?

"stress," you decide on, which isn't really a complete lie but it isn't the full truth either, "i'm just stressed about this whole thing, and sorta got into my head about it. two years out of the public eye and i'm suddenly working on music again, i'm just— another awkward laugh, "—a bit out of it. sorry."

natty nods thoughtfully and silently thinks to herself before responding. you're becoming more increasingly aware of her hand still being on your shoulder.

"no, i understand. i'm not gonna tell you how to feel because i'm not you, but i don’t think you should be apologizing," she finally says, "when do you have to turn this into the company?"

you think back to the meeting you had not long ago with the staff members standing around the room and sitting at the center table, your CEO with a prepared powerpoint presentation on increasing public interest surrounding you even when you've been on hiatus, and your manager who was probably more angry at PRISM than you were at the time. you remember specifically your CEO saying they weren't going to give you a specific deadline (practically using it as a way to make it seem more "fair" and "easy" for you since the news was so sudden, like he wasn't the reason this entire thing started), just wanting to have it sooner rather than later.

"they said i don't have to give it to them by a certain date, it just has to atleast be this year," you respond. natty nods again. her other hand slides up your arm and rests on your other shoulder.

"well, then you don't have to have this done now. you can take all of the time that you need, especially since there isn't a strict deadline," natty reasons, "it's still early into the year, y'know? just because you don't have it now, doesn't mean it can't come later. you're an extremely talented writer and a hiatus won't change that."

natty looks down briefly before looking back up into your eyes, "if it—this is just a suggestion, really—but if you think it'll help, i can be there every step of the way during this, even for songs that isn't this one," she swallows before clearing her throat, "again, it's just a random suggestion. i don't want to force you to do anything, especially when you're already this stressed, but just think of it like moral support. if you want that, of course."

you take some time to process her words (you can see natty growing slightly more nervous, possibly thinking she overstepped a boundary of some kind) before nodding.

a small, but warm, smile breaks out on her face as she suddenly leans over to give you a (what could be considered a bit awkward to most) hug and you don't freak out as you reciprocate it because you are y/n, the soloist who debuted with the hit song "mmmh" which gave a breath of fresh air into the mature scene of kpop, officially branding yourself to the public as one of the most attractive idols in the industry. attractive idols in the industry don't freak out when another attractive idol in the industry, who practically fought tooth and nail to get where she is now, gives them a hug after telling them everything will work out in the end.

a bit breathlessly now, you mutter out an "okay."

A/N: reader's mentioned debut song is "mmmh" by kai and the other song mentioned is "save room for us" by tinashe. slowly building up a discography here but also not really LOL

[xxchromies]

Toxic Tumblr Communities

Tumblr is a very interesting place. I feel like women have always dominated this website. While it's a great place for women to express themselves, it's obviously created a lot of really toxic communities that in all honestly could probably only be created by women. You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You've got communities that normalize harmful behavior (self-harm, anorexia, drug taking) and communities that normalize harmful relationship dynamics (the teacher crush and true crime communities, the ddlg community, the kink community in general, etc.), all kinds of different shit. I won't deny that these are all really harmful in their own ways. BUT I can't stand the way many people talk about them.

It's not uncommon for people to make YouTube videos talking about these communities, and totally eviscerating the posters without showing a single shred of empathy, despite most of the posters being depressed, isolated, and traumatized teen girls.

When it comes to the communities that revolve around toxic behavior, I kind of hate how the posters are treated as if it is their fault and their fault alone for other people picking up on the behaviors. If someone looks at thinspo or a SH picture and is like "YES I want that!" did the post directly create those feelings? Or maybe JUST MAYBE the person viewing the post was already mentally ill and now they just become encouraged to be a part of a community with people they relate to? Also I kinda hate how people accuse these posters of "romanticizing" the things that they do, I really don't think it's true most of the time. I think what happens is that women are conditioned into always wanting to appear beautiful, and so they want even their pain to be beautiful. Which is why they then write "sadgirl" poetry about cutting or whatever. I also think it's a coping mechanism. If you're going through something difficult, the least you can do is be poetic about it. I also think that a lot of the times it's a cry for help. It's common to make fun of the emo girl who cuts for attention but even if it's for attention she's still hurting herself.

There are also communities that "romanticize" bad relationship dynamics. When it comes to the teacher crush community, I honestly don't think it deserves the hatred it gets. 99% of the posters have no plans to actually get with their teachers. In YouTube videos about this community, they often respond to the rare posts where underage girls gush about how their high school teacher reciprocates their love. The YouTubers blame the girl for posting about the situation and "romanticizing" it, rather than blaming the fucking adult male for taking advantage of a high schooler. It's abhorrent and I can't stand it.

The true crime community is less defensible, but even then, most of the girls do not support violence, it's more so a fantasy of being able to fix a evil man. And I honestly think it's reflective of the way society tells women and girls that they are responsible for men's feelings and actions, even the very worst of them. And pretty much all the posters are either depressed and isolated teen girls or 30-something year old women who have a history of dating violent and abusive men. When people criticize this community, there's something about the way they do it that's almost victim-blamey, idk. I won't act like what they're doing isn't harmful to the victims, but people act as if drawing the Columbine dudes being yaoi boyfriends or whatever is just as bad as the fucking shooting itself.

And the ddlg community on here mainly seems to be fronted by "littles" who roleplay as underage children having sex with their parents. Again, this is a baddd thing to be encouraging, even if it's through role-play. But I HATE how people act like pretending to be the little is the same as pretending to be the adult. All these girls are fantasizing about roleplaying sexual abuse and idk about you but they really do seem like victims to me. This is not a pass for them to promote harmful behavior but again I just hate the double standards. These people are turned on by being victimized and people somehow don't feel any sympathy for them. They act as if it's the EXACT SAME as being turned on by victimizing others.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I HATE how the standards for women are so much higher than they are for men. Women will post about the pain they are causing themselves, and society gets angry with them for daring to be upfront about it and/or trying to make it seem "beautiful". Women will post about how they want to be victimized, and society gets angry at them for promoting toxic relationships, while not offering them a shred of empathy and asking WHY they want that.

Idk I have a lot of thoughts on this. I'm not saying these girls are completely blameless and I really don't want it to be interpreted that way, but it's crazy to me the way people act like they are heinous and evil (and not like, victims of patriarchal conditioning) for romanticizing situations where they would be victimized.

[that-one-english-nerd]

The Outsiders x EPIC : The Musical -

so i was listening to the new EPIC saga yesterday and naturally, because i can’t listen to music w/o relating it to my hyperfixations, i started thinking about the outsiders. specifically, i was listening to luck runs out and my friend and i were talking… and we were like “this song is so soda talking to darry about going to war,” so this sparked this post!

so i got to re-listening to the entirety of epic and was thinking how much it fits if soda were to genuinely survive the war but come back only a shell of himself… so this is what were going with.

(i will say before we even begin, i have limited knowledge on the vietnam war so if some of this is vague or inaccurate, forgive me)

i think there two ways you could picture this, a greek mythology au and realistic, vietnam war au. i was thinking, if we’re talking in reality standpoint, all the gods or even monsters are visions in soda’s mind (due to ptsd, other mental illness gained from war or physical injuries) as he’s traveling and committing more and more violence. is some of this a strench…? yes but this is js for kicks and giggles, humor me here lolol

either way, these are my assignments of characters. i need you to HEAR ME OUT (there’s explanations of songs under the list of characters) on these -

odysseus : soda

polites : steve

eurylochus : tim

zeus : dally

polyphemus : ……..bob

athena : darry

aeolus : cherry

circe : marcia

hermes : two-bit

penelope & telemachus : ponyboy & darry (these can be switched, doesn’t matter rlly)

calypso: sandy (…get it, cause calypso lives on an island)

poseidon : dally

tiersus : johnny (cause i HAD to include him somewhere)

song and character explanations under cut ~

song explanations :

the horse and the infant - i like to think that, while it was awful and so much worst than soda could of ever imagined, because of his constant optimism and general skills, he was someone many of his fellow soldiers looked up to. i’ll get into details when i get to luck runs out, but if we’re relating this specifically to epic, making him apart of the navy would work best (being all the time they spend traveling and at seas). anyways, therefore, overtime, due to his higher morale and just general skills, he gets a higher rank and a crew to care for. soda is rallying his crew for an attack, and thinking of who he was fighting for, ponyboy and darry.

now this is where it would differ from a greek mythology au, but just for the sake of making it easier on myself, this is the more realistic possibility. i like to think that being how in epic, this is the end of the trojan war, this would be a kind of flash forward, after soda had already been dealing w all this trauma. but, as i’ve mentioned, i like to envision dally‘s ghost (a vision soda has of him at least) as zeus, specifically before soda has to do something terrible to the enemy. dally is like, “you’re in a war man, just *do it*.”

for a less interesting but more realistic answer, you could say zeus was one of soda’s commanding officer or something but that’s less fun lolol

anyways, this is the beginning, as it is for odysseus, of soda completely losing his innocence.

just a man - (tw for child-related violence and war crimes) so, as it is in epic, you could picture this as an enemy leader’s son, and how this boy reminds soda of ponyboy in a way. this song is kinda self explanatory tho, soda takes this blow, and this guilt plagues his mind for the rest of the first act.

full speed ahead - so, with the vietnam war, there was an insaneeee draft process. and in relation to the story, those who were poor were more likely to be drafted than those who were going to college and able to pay tutition, being how they got an exemption from the draft. so i think the idea as tim of all people getting drafted and getting put under soda’s command (which is a shock to both of them) really interesting, being how we never really got to see their dynamic in the outsiders. so having tim, whose more on the ruthless side, as soda’s right hand and being more quick to violence makes sense to me. on the other hand, my favorite character headcanon, steve as polities. i think the idea of steve not giving a second thought to following soda into war makes a lot of sense, and being how soda had more of a responsibility on his shoulders, steve keeps more of his naiveness and “innocence” than soda does.

open arms - my stevepop heart loves this so much. over the time of war, soda became less and less like his normal self and steve knows that. he could always tell. so once they finally have time to themselves, he tries to remind soda of how life used to be, how there’s still good. the roles switch from soda normally being the optimistic one, reassuring everyone else, to steve doing the same for him. they mean sm to your honor :((

warrior of the mind - now, from a plot standpoint, i can fs see this as what soda pictures how darry would think of him now, or even how ponyboy would. soda kinda flashes back to their childhood, how both darry and soda were really close when they were kids, being how they both balanced each other out. but after their parents died, darry became a parental figure instead, athena-like you could say.

but ignoring plot, i think song really fits darry and ponyboy, espically with the “don’t disappoint me” and “he’s a warrior of the mind” because of ponyboy’s academic achievements.

polyphemus - now do i know how this would fit into the plot to be honest.. i just think the idea of bob (bob’s ghost if you will) or some soc showing up in soda’s path makes sense.

butttt once again, if you want something more realistic, you could make it someone on the enemy side.

survive - soda just seems like he’d be hella good with battle morale and strategy, what can i say? …also, as much as it breaks my heart, steve following soda into war and dying an early death makes sense but is equally as heartbreaking ;(

remember them - i think the slow fade-in near the beginning of the song gives very big soda energy. disassociating but then switching right back into gear (masking emotions for the sake of others) is something that comes natural to him. i also commented on this earlier but for as much as soda calls himself dumb, i think his street smarts are really good and being able to talk his way out of things or tricking people into believing lies is something he’s great at (which makes sense in context of the cyclops plot). plus the stupid decision of having mercy on…bob, a soc, an enemy, idfk, and then telling them his name makes more sense in the context of just losing steve and therefore making rash decisions because of this sudden lose.

my goodbye - soda seeming to “lose” darry’s positive view of him, at least in soda’s mind, because of all he had done and lost. this, of course, is simply what soda thinks darry would say if he was there. because of this, he pushes the “what would darry do?” mindset out of his head.

storm - not much to highlight in this song except for how soda is a badass captain™️

luck runs out - now of course, i keep mentioning this song as the beginning of this war au because while s.e. hinton technically said soda was drafted, i think it’s very possible that soda and his optimism view on life would easily be more swayed to propaganda to enlist rather than be drafted. plus, with becoming a soldier, a certain amount of money is given to you monthly (at least i think-). this, i think, is another pro to the idea of enlisting in soda’s mind because he wants to help better provide for his brothers.

but generally plot wise, soda taking on this positive mindset of “i can just go and ask for help” is almost a tribute to steve and what he wanted. but on the other hand, you have tim, who knows that not everyone is as welcome to help, especially after dally died from police brutality.

keep your friends close - not much to say about this either but for the fact that aeolous being cherry is very fun to think about. while the meaning of this lyric means very different things in the context of the outsiders versus epic, the line “keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” does really fit with cherry. ponyboy being the “enemy” that she quickly befriends and keeping him close. but soon, she starts giving info to the greasers, the socs in her eyes almost becoming the real “enemy”. might be wrong though, interpret it however you like, i just think it fits cherry!

also the “everything’s changed since polities” line really fits into how i think soda would grieve for steve while still at war. he has to stay strong for his crew but they all sense, *know* something’s off with soda, and put the pieces together that this is because of steve. without steve, soda doesn’t have as high of a morale on life in general, and therefore the crew doesn’t. which fits in with them (kinda accidentally) turning on him.

ruthlessness - now HERE ME OUT HERE, if bob is the cyclops, rather than dally seeing him as a “son”, him being like “you had mercy on a SOC.” but the “you had mercy on the enemy?!” also works. just in general, i think dally’s memory coming back to haunt soda, espically paired with dally also being zeus, is fitting honestly. while dally wasn’t always ruthless, we gotta keep in mind in this au, this is in soda’s mind. these “gods” or visions of people he once knew, in my eyes, are people coming back to haunt him in his most shameful state. no matter what dally would’ve really said, i picture soda thinking how disappointed the people he loved most would be in him if they saw him in that very moment. also, “ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves” is SO dally.

puppeteer - now again, being how circe is a witch, it’s a bit hard to fit this into a realistic setting but i js thought having marcia as her would be fun bc paired with…

wouldn’t you like - two-bit as hermes, i just think i’d be hilarious. i like to picture this as soda and two-bit on two ends of a phone, and for whatever reason, marcia is there distracting the crew from their goal. soda on one line would be like “so do you know of a soc named marcia” and two-bit on the other end like, “OMG WE WENT OUT ONE TIME, this is how to scare her off”

done for - self-explanatory, not much to say here tbh. marcia’s just iconic.

there are others ways - (with my stevepop heart) if like to think that *right after* steve’s death, it would be pretty much impossible for soda to be “seduced” as well as the idea of pony and darry waiting for him would keep him focused on the end goal in that moment.

the underworld - i kinda like the idea of the underworld not being the actual underworld but a very dark and dangerous place, with the visions of the dead and soda’s past traumas coming back to bite him in that moment. the line between reality and fiction is a hard line to draw in that very moment. ALSO STEVE AND SODA’S MOM😭😭

no longer you - you know i HAD to include him somewhere, so here’s johnny finallyyyyy. i don’t really have much of an explanation other than being johnny’s quieter personality, him seeing everything in a way, him being tierras just makes sense.

monster - soda losing his mind finally and willing to do anything to drive these ghosts of the past out of his mind and get home to his brothers. self-explanatory :)

being how all the songs aren’t out yet, i’m just gonna stop here. thanks for listening to my yapping my boredom has created :) enjoy listening!

[thebunnycruise]

Less of a question and more of a comment, Im sorry if its in the wrong spot lol, I just had to say this. I promise it’s not a hate comment, and sorry for the length.

I have never in my life seen something that has made me feel so physically ill. I feel genuinely sick reading this, and mentally exhausted from it. I have never read anything that has ever made me want to do something about these topics so badly. I hate this comic, and feel every fiber of my body crumble that I can’t do anything to help these women. It’s such an uncomfortable and painful feeling to see such heinous acts being done to people who i know are just down on their luck and never deserved this. I hate to sound cliche, but this was the eye opener of the fucking century.

You should be proud of your work, you’re doing something that I haven’t ever seen work as effectively and as potently as this.

One question I guess; I unfortunately can’t donate, but what else could us readers do? This comic destroyed me and I’m genuinely desperate at this point to see some happy ending come out of this, and I don’t know what I can do.

Thank you for this question! And sorry for ruining your mood, I think... TL/DR: Giving a shit is free. I recall this one lady being interviewed by a local news reporter regarding her views on the homeless problem in her neighbourhood, and she said something that stuck in my mind: "The more I have to [pick up] human feces, the less empathy I have." I think that one comment really hit home why we're at this point in society. People connect with the characters on the Bunny Cruise because we see their backstories, how they got to where they are, what they've lost along the way, what they dream of for the future, and how they've suffered in trying to reach for that dream. But, even though we know the guy OD'ing on the sidewalk passed out in his own sick must have had a life, have dreams, it's not something we think of in the moment. The difference between the Cruise and real life is that the girls have each other to support them through it, but we will walk over or side-step the heroin addict on the sidewalk without a second glance. That "mentally drained" and "physically ill" feeling is the cognitive dissonance talking. It's when we're forced to confront an perspective that challenges our way of thinking, or in this case, face a fear that perhaps the only difference between us and 67, 10, the twins, or that guy on the sidewalk, is just pure luck. For a lot of us, this is something very uncomfortable, and it's much easier to put it out of our heads and move on with our lives. And politicians take advantage of this fear and apathy far too often. Famously, Mark Sutcliffe (Calling you out, asshole), the recently elected Mayor of Ottawa, campaigned on zoning land for more large, single-family homes rather than more compact, affordable housing. He called it "preserving the community and keeping it safe", but we all know what that really means by now. Or they will call for increased police spending and promise to be tougher on crime (which Sutcliffe also did). Because having bad luck or being neglected and abused by capitalism is a crime now... I think the easiest thing to do, is to just think about it, and speak up when the issue comes up. All too often, things like homeless shelters, affordable housing projects, and safe injection sites, don't get built because people don't want to think about the people living on the fringe of society. But the thing is, people with nowhere to go have to go somewhere.

I donate to a women's shelter because I've worked with women fleeing violence in the past, and it's an important cause for me. I also realize that I am in a very fortunate position to be able to pay rent and have a little left over to put toward charity work. But speaking up and spreading the word is free. The next time someone wants to veto a safe injection site project, speak up against them, ask them what millionaire real estate firm is lining their pockets. Vote for that city councilor campaigning to build shelters and affordable homes. Have a relative who says "the homeless deserve what's happening to them"? Shut them down, ruin that christmas dinner. They sound like a dick anyway.

It's not much, but I think if we can all treat our fellow humans a little better instead of kicking them to the curb, we can make a bit of a difference in the world.

[berylcups]

Heres the full pic of Calamari! This is just their clothing design, not their actual weight. I used a base to make sure I got the clothes on neatly. I hope it looks okay! And below is their long ass profile! I haven't decided what team to put them on the Bucci gang or La Squadra but they do give some squadra vibes... well what do you all think? where does this poor soul get to go???

🩸=la squadra only traits/dialogue

🤐=bucci gang only traits/dialogue

no emoji means it happens regardless, so sorry if its such a clusterfuck! once I finally decide im getting rid of the alt dialogue/traits!

Name: Katrin Kocteau

Allias (if applicable): Calamari 

Namesake: The Cocteau Twins 

Nicknames: Callie, Kat, Kit Kat, Gattina, Stella, Luna, Starlight, Sole, Carina, Cara, tesoro, bella, bambina, Sourpuss, Kitten 

(usually used sarcastically): Comrade, ,little sister,Sunshine, Moody boobs, Boobs McKenzie, Sourpuss

Nicknames for others: 

🩸Lulu, Schatz, Rubin

Big brother, comrade (gelato and calamari jokingly call each other comrades due to both being oppressed by the Soviet Union )

🤐Abba,Diamant ,gloomy fuck/blues, Leo, piss monger, 

Löwe,, honigbiene, liebling, Kuschelbär, Bärchen, Schatzi, Engel, süße,

(Used in a joking/sarcastic way) Arschloch,  Sonnenschein, Eselhengst, Dummkopf 

Age: 25

Birthday: July 12th

AMAB/AFAB/Intersex: AFAB

Gender Identity: Agender; They/Them sometimes she/her…doesn’t correct strangers out of exhaustion 

Height: 5’3 160cm

Weight: 175lbs

Handness: Left

Hair Color: Burgundy/Wine red 

Eye Color: Violet

Type of Voice: soft, monotone, flat, they speak very softly with a Berlin accent. You have to listen very hard to understand them due to how softly they speak. It will go from soft valley to booming peaks when agitated enough. 

Eyesight:. 20/40

Race and/or ethnicity: Caucasian; German

Hometown: West Berlin, Germany 

Current Residency: Napoli, Italy 

Religion (if applicable): Non practicing Christian 

Moral Alignment: 

🩸 evil neutral 

🤐 lawful good

MBTI Personality Type (Optional): INFJ-T

Medical & Dental Health: 

Dental-  vitamin deficiencies in childhood causing weak teeth, many fillings and crowns 

Physical- Chronic tension headaches, vitamin deficiency (vitamin D and Calcium)

Mental health: 

 PTSD, ADHD inattentive type, Major Depression, generalized anxiety disorder w/ panic attacks 

Phobias: Claustrophobic- caves and tunnels specifically 

Phonophobia- HATES loud noises and others talking too loudly

Astraphobia- related to phonophobia 

Germaphobic - fears gastrointestinal illnesses the most 

Socialphobic- is on edge around crowds and people they don’t know too well. Very reserved and secretive 

Arachnophobia - self explanatory 

Fears cursed numbers (4,13, 666)- acts a bit more covert towards it than Mista-(ex add 1 more or less spoonful of sugar to their coffee to avoid 4)

Scars/burns/birthmarks/tattoos: self inflicted cuts and scars on arms and thighs due to poor coping mechanisms 

Other distinctive physical characteristics:  

Criminal Record: 

Murder her partner Teo in a crime of passion after finding out he was cheating for the 3rd time 

Awards & Education: 

General Education Diploma, Majoring in Forensic Science in University,

Excelled in foreign languages(Italian and Russian) and art class

Past Experience: 

Calamari is cynical, bitter, a perfectionist, and never allows themself to be vulnerable. Any mistake they make they severely punish themself with. They lash out at themself because they believe they deserve it. Their forearms and thighs are full of scars and self inflicted cuts. They show Themself no mercy so they sure as hell aren't showing it to any of their targets. They're not your typical sadomasochist, not a masochist because they enjoy it. They don't enjoy it at all, but they believe they truly deserve it. 

They always had a strong interest in the paranormal and true crime. Due to religious restrictions and profitability they dedicated their education to their forensic career. They always fixed themself to the smallest details rather than the bigger picture. Small details that are often overlooked could derail the entire case and justice for the victims could be lost. Their resolve shines the brightest when they dedicate everything they have to speak for the dead. 

The corruption in the justice system and bribery infecting all the way down to their forensic team made them lose the spark and desire they had for their work. There’s nothing they could have done anyway since it was them vs the majority and they needed every lira to help pay off their exs gambling debt. 

Calamari takes extra work to help pay off his debt only to find out that he was cheating on them and then kills him out of a crime of passion. Now Calamari is left with a body and heaping amounts of gambling debt that isn't theirs. They join Passione to seek protection and to pay off their debt. 

Sexual History (for characters 18+ ONLY): 

Teo, Her ex partner

Currently:

🩸Illuso

🤐 Abbacchio 

Thoughts on love: 

They’ll swear up and down that love is worthless and a waste of time. They’ll say they never felt better by themself now that her ex Teo is gone, but they’re lying to hide the loneliness. They hate kids but are very domestic and secretly want a partner to take care of physically and emotionally. They are very touch and love starved and needs the perfect partner to give them hope in humanity again even if they only learn to trust 1 person.

It takes a long time to develop a crush due to their sexuality and trust issues. They subconsciously become more mellow and obedient around the one they develops a crush on. They’ll always listen to abbacchio’s orders. They’re no brown noser but they try to be as obedient as possible. They’re secretly very submissive. 

They’re only submissive to Illuso in private and only when he’s being nice. 90% of the time They’ll ignore him or berate him if he teases them. They don’t take being teased/bullied lightly. They avoid him and act tough around him because they don't want their weakness known or the fact that they would like someone that cruel…as if they aren't cruel themself-they won’t admit it-they’re a hypocrite and that their actions mirror his. The only difference is Calamari is only cruel to their targets and enemies. They give their teammates mutual respect until they do something to ignite their ire. 

Sexual and/or Romantic Identity:  Demisexual, Panromantic

People they like: 

“I don’t like people.  Nobody can be trusted.”

Calamari keeps people at arm's length but they’re not completely cold. They warm up to others after they prove they are trustworthy enough. 

To tell if they like you is them allowing you to be near them. Letting you sit next to them , letting you hug them (briefly), or playing with their hair. They will also joke with you, or make dry remarks. Best friends will be allowed in their room, play video games with them, and they’ll share secrets about her past and spill tea about others. You tell them a secret as a best friend and they’ll take that secret to their grave. Once you become their best friend/and or partner they’re loyal for life so don’t betray that trust like their ex did. 

🤐 Bucciarati, Abbacchio, Fugo are the ones who they trust and respect the most. 

They won’t show it but they like giorno, narancia, mista, and Trish too. They took a little longer for them to warm up to. They will send sarcastic remarks and jokes their way as their own way of showing friendship. 

🩸 they’re very hard to read, it even takes Risotto a split second to figure out what they’re feeling with their stone cold resting bitch face and monotone voice. They don’t hang around after meetings, so the only one who’s able to get a glimpse on how they feel is Nosey Illuso or Formaggio by spying on them. 

They like Risotto and prosciutto but is heavily intimidated by them. They warm up to Pesci  the quickest- Object stand users stick together.Sorbet and Gelato essentially adopted them from the moment they met, they’re friendly but they have fun making Calamari uncomfortable with the PDA. They slowly warm up to Illuso and Formaggio. Somehow they are able to find common ground with them… I wonder why- it’s almost like they can read their mind. They’re fine with Ghiaccio as long as he isn’t yelling so it’s very rare for them to enjoy his presence. Melone just disgusts them, but they put up with him for the sake of the team. 

People they hate: 

They’re known to hold some strong grudges. It took forever for them to forgive Mista for taking their slice of strawberry cake. They especially can’t stand children and babies because of the noise. Also isn’t a fan of yappy dog breeds. 

They hate anyone who gets in the way of their goals or inconveniences them. They hate their ex  due to the turmoil they dealt with because of him and hates themself for allowing them to step on them for so long.

They hate the boss because he’s an inconvenience to their livelihood and just life itself. 

🩸 

Nothing pisses them off more than a bunch of bootlickers getting in the way of them and the team getting the boss’s daughter to find out his identity. The holier than thou attitudes of Giorno and Bucciarati make them hellbent on wanting to set their enjoyment of humiliation aside and give them severe curb stomping. 

🤐

It wouldn’t really be considered “hate” but Giorno annoys them. They thinks he’s too naive and preachy …absolutely not because They’re jealous of his natural born talent or anything, don't be ridiculous. They’re a million times more polite about it than abbacchio is. They just groan or ignore him or cuts him off with “you’re too young to understand” or “you wouldn’t get it…” “*groans*whaaaat? I’m busy…go brown nose Bucciarati instead kid.”

They didn’t care much for Trish believing her to be nothing more than an ungrateful spoiled brat. They both grew up so differently that it was hard to bond at 1st. Thankfully neither of them are that stubborn to try to understand each other. 

Dreams for the future:  

A peaceful life with her perfect partner. A cozy home in either Austria or Sicily with many pets and an art studio. They crave normalcy and freedom of expression.

Relationships(name a person that they have a connection to and what their relationship is like[friend, enemy, Ex, current lover, family , etc.]): 

Teo- Ex 

🤐Abbacchio-Current partner

Bucciarati- Confidant & Leader

Fugo- Good Friend

Narancia-Good Friend

Mista- Good Friend

Giorno- Friend

Trish- Friend

🩸Illuso- Current Partner

Formaggio- Good friend

Pesci- Good friend

Prosciutto- Mentor & Callies Secret not so secret crush

Risotto- Leader

Sorbet- Good Friend & parental figure

Gelato-Good friend & parental figure

Ghiaccio- tolerable friend in small doses

Melone- Tolerates- wishes they didn’t know him

Quotes (what do they say often? What’s their life’s motto?): 

“How about you go play in traffic?”

“”Kiss concrete douche!”

“Eat asphalt!”

"Everyone shut up I'm doing _______!"

views on life “There are 3 rules in life that must always be followed: 

1. If you’re going to do it right- do it right the 1st time.

2. Always be punctual. If you’re early you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late. 

And 3. Be self reliant. Never burden others. If you have a problem- fix it. Don’t know how? learn.  This is the true way of life.”

“ Do you wanna  X? Because that’s how you X.”They say this phrase a lot when someone is doing something stupid or if they had enough of someone and are threatening them. 

🤐“Do you wanna walk all the way to Pompeii? Because that’s how you do that if you keep trying to turn down my music smartass. YES it needs to be that loud. I’m trying not to fall asleep at the wheel. If it bothers you so much, you and Giorno take the wheel, I’m laying in the back and taking a nap. Don’t fuck up and crash the car or my geist will haunt you panna.”

🤐🩸“Were you even listening to a word I was saying? Sigh… you’re such a disappointment, why do I bother with you?..”

Disregarding a mista conspiracy theory/ghiaccio rant 🤐🩸“There’s literally not enough adderall in the world for me to listen to whatever bullshit you're word-vomiting out..”

Taunting illuso back🩸“Make you a sandwich ? How about you earn it 1st. make yourself useful and shine my boots till I can see my reflection in them. Then mayyybe I’ll even think about it.”

🩸Receiving a hit “Who’s funeral am I facilitating?”

🩸“Halt die Schnauze! Would it kill you to not scream like a verdammt banshee every 5 minutes?!”

🩸Defending their stand” Why would my stand need to be strong when it doesn’t have to? I let gravity do all the work for me and I don’t have to break a sweat. I can move anywhere I want, and don’t have to worry about anyone reaching me. It can throw you around like a lousy rag doll and you’ll be helpless to do anything about it. I don’t need to be strong to take your sorry ass down. I may need protection now and then but I’m still the queen on the chessboard. I can go and attack from ANYWHERE”

🩸Apprehensive about betrayal“I’m used to living frugally. I don’t see how 20 million lira is too little to live off of. I don’t think it’s worth going against the boss for more. We don’t know who he is or what he’s capable of.”

🩸Expressing denial and hiding their feelings “Love? Absolutely disgusting. It’s a useless feeling and only sets you up for failure. There’s nothing worse than being tied down with dead weight who will either cheat or become bored of me or I’ll be bored of them. Material goods bring me just as much happiness as an annoying man/woman ever could. I buy a new pair of boots or a handbag, get tired of them- go set them aside in my closet, and buy new ones. Wash, rinse, repeat. Your life is much less difficult when you think with your brain instead of your heart… or your balls if we’re being realistic.”

Hobbies;

Painting, Drawing, Playing Video games, clothes & shoe shopping, make up, petting cats, napping, and eating

Habits: 

Is secretly superstitious. Avoids numbers that they hate, won’t open umbrellas inside, walking under ladders etc… The only exception to their superstitions is black cats. 

🩸Man spreads on the couch out of pure passive aggressiveness since there’s never any room for them to sit

They have a soft spot for black cats and their cats Depeche and Muse are their pride and joy. They greeted them with open arms completely ignoring their teammates all together thinking they were excited to see them when they got back.

 🩸They have a kangaroo pouch to hold them in when she’s working around the base/hideout….

🩸They love traumatizing teammates by tricking them into showing them shock sites and laugh maliciously at their reaction. 

🩸They has a very dark sense of humor so it usually plays off well with sadistic or edgy teammates. 

.They try to hide their smiles and giggles by covering their mouth. This habit slowly ceases once they feels more comfortable around others. 

Calamari hides their red face when they’re aroused or embarrassed .

They sigh and huff a lot when they’re irritated. 

They enjoy coming up with unusual torture/interrogation methods. They held a bamboo skewer up to someone’s eye, threatening to turn their eye into a kabob and lobotomise them. 

They’re   very diligent in working on their Italian vocabulary and accent. They get help from Fugo from time to time when they have trouble pronouncing something. Or on the hitman team…they’re stuck with Ghiaccio. Which you think would be a disaster but he’s pretty patient with those genuinely wanting to learn Italian, but that doesn’t mean he won’t have his typical outbursts.

They’ll get annoyed with him and his noise and will spite him by only speaking in German the rest of the day until he finally breaks and begs them to stop. He doesn’t know German but he knows damn well they’re talking shit about him to Illuso . 

They aren’t able to physically defend themself in hand to hand combat so they are well equipped with spiked knuckles and a stun gun strong enough to take down a bear. They have a hand gun that they are taking lessons with, they’re competent but their aim isn’t as good with it as they are with their stands bow. 

Quirks/Unique personality traits:

They won’t look anyone in the eye or call anyone by name directly unless they’re very close with the person. 

Doesn’t announce when they’re here or when they leave. They just walk right in without saying a single hello or I’m back/here. 

In the very beginning they spoke a lot like an NPC with very short to 1-2 worded answers. Once they became more comfortable with their team they said more than 2 words.

Pet peeves:

Talking over or interrupting them while talking 

People acting smarter than they really are 

Excessive noise (barking dogs, talking too loud, yelling , crying children, Ghiaccio , etc)

Gratuitous PDA 

Not obeying rules (excluding missions) 

Being late 

WAKING THEM UP

Invading their personal space 

Moving their things- they have them specifically where they want them

ILLUSO

Having wet hair and clothes (sensory issues )

People whispering (they’re paranoid) 

Do you have a stand?(if not ignore the questions related to it): Yes, Via Black Sabbaths Arrow

Stand type(humanoid, object, drone, etc.): Object

Stand appearance (if you don’t have a picture): no set visual yet- but fantasy type bow and arrow that looks similar to a moon…Still working on it.

Stand Name: Black Celebration

Stand Range: 15 meters , 30 meters (how far stand can shoot max) 

Destructive power:  D(calamari must rely on gravity and their surroundings to use to their advantage. Their stand technically isn’t meant to be used in combat but their creativity has helped them and their teammates out of life or death situations) 

Speed: A(variable, Calamari learns to have more control over [lower/strengthen] the suction and ejection the black holes)

Range: A(variable, how far Calamari arrows shoot)

Stamina/persistence: D (can stay inactive for an extended period of time up to 3-4 hours before activating.)

Precision: C

Development potential: A

Stand Abilities: 

Black Celebrations intended role was for contingency plans and escape routes. Calamari and their stand is bursting with potential. They're full of creativity and are always thinking of ways to be several steps ahead of their enemy. 

Black Hole traps: like real black holes, they are invisible to the naked eye and aren’t really black. BC can be shot to set up a booby trap for a target to unknowingly get in its range to be swallowed up and spat out another hole wherever Calamari pleases. It can stay dormant for roughly 3 to 4 hours so they don’t need to chase down their target but they can’t stray too far away from the town/city they’re in. To distinguish the difference between their target and civilians is to periodically check through the hole. Which isn’t too difficult when working on investigating targets beforehand. But these traps are basically useless if they don’t have this information, unless they stay nearby. With that, it will activate with the snap of their fingers

Chaining: This is the ability everyone relies on calamari the most . Calamaris 1st learned ability, they can take up to 8 shots at once  roughly about 7-30 meters in between each hole max to get  themself and her teammates out of a location. The more arrows they shoot the less they will go. It’s better to go one at a time. If they only shoot 1 it simply just takes them through the other side of something, like the other side of walls, into other rooms, vehicles, etc.

 Effect beacon/ redirection: With slowing down the way BC inhales/exhales matter, it can expand the effects of certain other stand abilities or redirect them (ex Grateful Dead aging fog, Purple Hazes virus,) 

Redirecting projectiles work well with their stand too (Aerosmith’s shots) though; it doesn’t work well with Sex Pistols, the sudden change in surroundings disorientates them losing control of the bullet. There’s limits to how much weight BC manipulates. It can handle roughly double their own body weight (300-350 lbs) when in the most dire situation they can transport a full sized sedan through a wall with the help of another pulling back the bow. 

Remote vision: Calamari can see into any black hole at any time but only one at a time. They are limited to 7 seconds of looking in and have some time before they can do it again or else they get severe headaches.

Stand weaknesses:

No defense or ability to fight back: BC has no ability to defend itself in close ranged fights due to being an object based stand. It requires a few seconds to set up 2 portals to send their attacker away or for them to escape and sometimes they might not have that precious time. 

Loss of senses: when looking into their black holes they can only sense what’s going on in the hole. This leaves them vulnerable for an easy ambush so they need someone nearby when they do this. 

Low endurance: BC  is fueled by Calamari’s adrenaline. Their anxiety and fight or flight response is what helps make their arrows manifest. After a long arduous fight it saps their energy and makes them incredibly exhausted and drowsy. They usually sleep on the ride after a mission, resting their head on whoever is next to them.

Battle Cry:  N/A

--------------------

Favorite Band: Alice in Chains

Favorite Color: Violet

Favorite Animal: Pallas Cat

Favorite Movie: The Amityville Horror

Favorite school subject: Art

Favorite Meal:

Appetizer/Side dish: caprese salad

Entree:Sauerbraten w/ sauerkraut 

Dessert:tiramisu

Drink:cappuccino

Snack: soft pretzels w/ mustard

Food/Drink Dislikes:

Garlic, sausages links(all kinds), eggs, sweet pickles, processed cheese, canned foods(excluding pickles)cream soda, root beer, mint chip ice cream, mint anything

Additional notes (any other details you wanna add about your OC?):

[indigoipsum]

OKAY OKAY I have to finally express my thoughts about Kuro II after the rewatch

Me and Null agreed that episode 1 is just... a lot better than a lot of the characterization going forward. Despite the eye gouging (I cannot defend this. Alois is very mentally ill and needs to take it out on someone and I think he has misogynistic tendencies and self-hatred for his own femininity that he decides to hurt Hannah because of it) Claude was written more how he should have been the rest of the series-- stoic, annoyed, but ultimately showing glimpses of care or something adjacent for Alois.

Delete the filler episodes and add more Trancy house development in general.

Alois is a lot less malicious than I remember. Before the duel happens he's literally just going to show Ciel to the bathroom. He only tries to hurt Ciel when his life is on the line, and even then, he begs Ciel to try to understand him as he's dying.

NONE OF THE REVENGE STUFF MAKES SENSE!! WHY WOULD AN 11-YEAR-OLD ORDER THE DEATH OF THE PHANTOMHIVE FAMILY! Ciel is smarter than this! I know demons are charming but Ciel is an extremely smart kid and literally solves crimes every day. When Alois starts explaining things, you'd think that after the duel Ciel would actually try to process it before all the torture stuff happens. Also, why would that "arsonist" allegedly hired by Alois confess to it? Was Sebastian paying him off? We know none of this actually happened!

GOD Ciel's characterization is horrendous. He kills the alleged arsonist without remorse and then is prepared to kill Alois then, later on, is like "ugh I could never kill that easily" YOU JUST DID??????? Also, when he becomes a demon, he completely leaves his servants without any regard for their well-being despite them caring for him for three years. Even though he's a demon and such now, he's not going to change his personality like that. Sebastian was under orders by Ciel to find new staff, and instead of just hiring a really good cook, maid, and gardener who had defense experience or whatever, he took in three people who had nothing left but their abilities and showed them genuine kindness. It's debatable how much of the kindness was really Sebastian's but it stands that Ciel would not abandon his servants. At the very least, not Tanaka, who he's known all his life. He wouldn't do that to Lizzie or Soma or Agni either! He cares about all these people. So he and Sebastian are just wandering around flower fields forever? Why don't they just go back to Hell where Sebastian will still be his servant?

Another point with the demon thing: I fully believe that it was just done to pander to Sebac1el shippers (censoring so this doesn't come up in a search for the ship because that is the opposite of the goal here).

I forgot how creepy Claude was in the later episodes. There were parallels between him and previous Earl Trancy that should have served a stronger narrative purpose but just made it look like he was sexualizing the two boys.

There's only one scene that actually intends to make Alois' CSA feel disturbing, and it's when he's laying motionless in bed and saying how Trancy looks at him with hunger in a different way than Claude does. They were so close to the point! Also, one of the maze questions is about Alois pretending his trauma didn't happen so why do people insist he enjoyed his abuse?

When summoning Claude, why was none of the contract about getting away from Trancy???? "I don't care about that old pervert" YOU ARE BEING BRUTALLY ASSAULTED?? Sorry Alois would have def ordered Claude to kill him in my mind.

Every scene with Hannah, no matter how serious, portrays her in a sexual light and I HATE it.

WHY WOULD SCOTLAND YARD THINK THAT CIEL IS ALOIS. THEY HAVE WORKED WITH CIEL FOR YEARS.

The maze idea was cool but, again, executed poorly.

Grelle's characterization is better than Season 1 in terms of showing her skill.

The Hannah contract was still confusing after multiple watches and idk what was going on in that writer's room.

I think that's it for now but dear god. This series is so much. If all of Kuro II Tumblr was hired to write it then it would have been genuinely good

[argentsunshine]

adding to persona but good au :

the interrogation room actually makes sense and the pt's actually stop being assholes to kechi and pay attention to him practically telling him whats happening to him/him silently begging for help (gee i wonder who else did that but became a pt. hmm...) in the gc conversations and everything..

you see i find this interesting because - compared to Akechi's behaviour - the Thieves are actually pretty chill to him, by which I mean that if futaba or haru just straight up killed him they'd still have the moral high ground compared to him. some of the Thieves have less good reasons for being openly antagonistic towards him, but none of them has a reason worse than "actively plotted to kill one of our best friends" so i think being a bit prickly is understandable. also, just on an interpersonal level, he's just kind of a dick a lot of the time, especially towards people he thinks are dumber than he is, which is most people.

it's also basically impossible that he would have accepted help in sae's palace, even if the Thieves had had all the pieces - he's so resistant to being helped that he tries to kill them all multiple times in the engine room. he's so deep into the sunk cost fallacy - he's dedicated years of his life to this plan, done things that he's clearly not comfortable with, and put so much power in Shido's hands that he has to follow through with it. he's so deep in the sunk cost fallacy that he doesn't even seem to consider that Shido might get rid of him first until that fact is literally pointing a cognitive gun in his face.

but i do think the question of how people treat akechi is interesting! on the level of questions that most people actually have to deal with, how do you treat someone who's clearly suffering in some way but has decided to make this your problem? on a more societal justice level, what do you do when someone with no access to justice within the system resorts to illegal means? if someone commits a crime can what they've done be evaluated separately from their upbringing? can justice be left in the hands of the people harmed or should it be impartial? what's the purpose of the justice system and what's the purpose of punishment? if someone in a vulnerable situation is manipulated into hurting someone, where does the blame lie? where do you draw the line?

also you could argue there's shades of misogyny in the fact that futaba and haru's pain is treated as ignorable because akechi is also suffering. i think it's interesting to examine it in terms of them being able to break the cycle where akechi won't let himself, and what that takes, mentally

now none of this is to say that i don't think people should like akechi or want better for him - i think actually moralising about people liking fictional murderers is boring, and if anyone rbs this from me going "and that's why akechi should die <3" will get blocked - i just think that as a character he raises a lot of interesting questions about. well. justice. and the way people view others. (i have a lot of thoughts about him and "unsympathetic" mental illness symptoms, because my own mental illness often presents in ways that make me hard to deal with, though obviously on a lesser scale) i keep getting worried someday someone's gonna put me in Nerd Jail for getting excessively... (waves hand at the previous paragraphs) about all this.

i mean at the end of the day do what you want and think what you want. i just think it's inherently more interesting to examine things

in conclusion:

[glitchdollmemoria]

preemptive warning for discussion of violence, abuse, and sexual assault in the links ahead

one of the many frustrating parts of schizospec paranoia is that, when it comes to more realistic fears, it gets hard to tell whats The Mental Illness and whats actually justified, at least to a degree. people with schizospec disorders are more likely to be the victims of violence, with some estimates claiming those with schizophrenia are 14x more likely to be victims of violent crimes than they are to commit violent crimes and twice as likely as the general public to be victims of violent crimes, and people with "severe mental illnesses" overall have been repeatedly reported to be at a much higher risk of being the victim of violence.

when you account for other factors which can put an individual at further risk of violence and abuse - physical and intellectual disabilities, race, gender, sexuality, or religion for example - you can easily see that theres plenty of fuel for persecutory fears.

when you account for the fact that schizospec disorders, especially their paranoid symptoms, can be exacerbated and even partially caused by trauma such as being the victim of abuse, and the revictimization rate for victims of such mistreatment, even more fuel is clearly being added. schizospec symptoms can easily mesh with symptoms of ptsd, resulting in paranoid fears that are, to some degree, based in factual events in a persons life.

so, with the way schizospec disorders muddle up our thought processes, it becomes especially difficult to know whether our fears are based in any form of fact or not. i experience fears that people are obsessively attracted to me, because ive been mistreated by past partners and by those who i wasnt involved with like that but who still took their own feelings for me too far. its difficult for me to discern whether people are actually attracted to me, and wanting to harm me because of it, or if its all just my synapses misfiring. i simultaneously have a constant feeling that the people around me are scared of me or see me as less than a person, and are therefore planning on causing me immediate harm or working behind the scenes to ruin my life, but these fears draw on actual experiences of being told im scary or pitiful or lesser, having people actually make efforts to hurt me in one way or another, so on and so forth. i am not the only one experiencing this, im confident.

and then you factor in the fact that those of us with schizospec disorders are most often socially isolated to some degree - the dsm even lists social isolation and difficulty maintaining close relationships to be a symptom of schizotypal personality disorder, for one thing i remember off the top of my head. were seen as strange, unnerving, unnatural, our behaviors are abnormal, we dont connect with others the way we "should", we communicate in confusing ways. every day i feel as if i have an aura emanating off of me that other "normal" people can sense, that tells them im a threat. and so it becomes increasingly difficult for us to find support, for our symptoms, or for the aftermath of discrimination and violence. we often arent truly "people" in the eyes of non schizospecs, rather were psychos, crazies, potential killers. we become collateral damage, acceptable targets. and it becomes easy to brush off our concerns for our own safety, because its more convenient to chalk things up to us just being delusionally paranoid rather than putting in the effort to actually examine the situation and the facts of how dangerous life is for mentally ill people.

i know that my thinking is disorganized here, and im doing the "flowery language" thing because its a serious topic and its hard to put into more succinct terms than dancing around what im saying. so i hope that what im trying to say is actually coming across clearly. my point is that im tired of second guessing myself and never knowing whether my fears of persecution are based in fact or not, and im tired of the social isolation that comes with this shit. im tired of feeling like if anything happens to me its going to be brushed off as just symptoms and not a real problem that matters to anyone except me

EDIT 8/19/2023: because i got reminded of this old post, i want to add that since posting this ive realized i also have npd. usually i keep my npd talk to a side blog because im not super comfortable talking about my symptoms on main, but i do want to add the clarification that the paranoia i talk about in this post is ALSO very very heavily tied to my npd in addition to my being schizospec. and in a way that makes me feel even more vulnerable, because people with npd tend to be villainized and treated as if our problems are just exaggerations to get attention. so when you combine the stigma against both conditions... its fucking rough out here, idk what else to say.

[menalez]

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/08/health/mass-murderers-mental-illness.html#:~:text=About%20one%20in%20five%20are,is%20closer%20to%201%20percent. "It is true that severe mental illnesses are found more often among mass murderers. About one in five are likely psychotic or delusional, according to Dr. Michael Stone, a forensic psychiatrist at Columbia University who maintains a database of 350 mass killers going back more than a century"

So according to you, because these murderers dont know wrong from right because they have psychosis, we should have empathy for them too ?

if they literally committed the murders due to psychosis, why is it wrong to have the most basic empathy for them? we are talking 5% of mass shootings here at most (probably even less because the statistic is 5% have severe mental illness, which is not necessarily psychosis). the vast majority of mass murders are related to other factors far more than psychosis, and often are unrelated to mental illness.

no one is saying they were justified or that it wasn’t wrong or that the families who lost their loved ones need to be nice to them nor that these people should roam the streets. what is being said is they are severely mentally ill & committed this act when not even somewhat in their right mind, often without actual awareness of what they are doing, and so some people have some empathy for them on that basis. i didnt say you specifically should or must have empathy for them either, you can act like every person who commits a horrible crime is automatically a horrible evil person and that those who have been proven to be literally insane or going thru temporary insanity are just bad people.. no one is gonna jail u for feeling that way or sth.

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

i think all the grimwalkers had different personalities and values even if they were raised by belos to emulate caleb. because even though they share the same genes personality is more nurture than nature and every grimwalker grew up in a different environment/time than caleb. however hunter’s wittebro brain is Real. like this guy sees a kid a few years younger than him and he goes FREE SIBLING and takes hits for them and tries to give them advice on how to be less mentally ill. except hes always the more mentally ill out of the two so his advice just makes his new free sibling more mentally ill than before. and a lot of people also liked to think of darius’s mentor as an older brother figure to him and i am down for it.

but also even though i like the idea of several past golden guards befriending younger witches and becoming older brother figures, i also don’t want to say that every grimwalker HAS to do that by virtue of being cloned from caleb. it’s a thematic thing like the grimwalkers who did get younger siblings parallel caleb more but by no means is it ingrained into them to do that. hunter and darius’s mentor are just Like That i guess.

instead i propose this: belos claims that every grimwalker has “betrayed” him but as we saw with hunter belos tried to kill him for simply asking about the other grimwalkers so belos’s threshold of “betrayal” is probably pretty low. he’ll kill a guard for looking at him the wrong way. most golden guards died by accidentally pissing belos off, after an uneventful tenure doing war crimes for belos.

the ones that ACTUALLY betrayed him, like tried to stop his plan, were the ones that became older brother figures to various witches they met. like hunter, by befriending witches, wild or not, learning to care for and protect them, the golden guards who do this slowly realize that these witches are people. even if they do wild magic, they have sympathetic reasons beyond just criminal activity. they start to question, if my sibling is lovable and kind, then why cant the other witches be as well? and that’s when they see the flaws in belos’s ways.

(of course, when they inevitably confront belos about it all he could see is that his brother has been corrupted by witches yet again. these so called “younger siblings” don’t deserve caleb’s care, the care that should have been directed to him, caleb’s REAL brother. he would have to stamp this behavior out next time.)

[ofdreamsanddoodles]

one thing aa is good at is making sure all the cases relate to the conclusion of the game. like the dl-6 incident is super prevalent in aa1, even turnabout samurai is kind of foreshadowing for miles getting arrested (jack hammer’s death relating to an incident that happened years back that changed the course of his career). one of the things that makes engarde such a great final twist in aa2 is because people SAW max galaxy commit the crime, people SAW maggey’s name at the crime scene, people KNEW maya was the only one channeling & in comparison to all of that, engarde looks way more innocent than any one of the other characters who were also deliberately framed. & aa3 & 4 are almost completely devoted to building up to their finale

but aa5 doesn’t.... do that? it opens up telling us that something happened to the wright anything agency that caused apollo to quit, and then instead of really spending any time delving into that, turnabout academy & cosmic turnabout spend their time name dropping clay & then admitting he’s not actually super important to the rest of the story. apollo doesn’t leave because he doesn’t believe phoenix & athena can catch clay’s killer, he leaves because he’s worried that ATHENA’S the killer. instead of being a game focused on false evidence & tampering with crime scenes, it should have been about having faith in your friends despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, but the only episode that really did that well in my mind was turnabout academy. yes, jinxie heard her ‘father’ confess to the crime, but monstrous turnabout never made me feel like jinxie kept believing in her father despite the odds against him (or vice versa,  since she was under suspicion too) it just made me feel like the criminal justice system hates mentally ill people. turnabout for tomorrow COULD have been a good example of this, but it feels less like simon is motivating by his unwavering loyalty to athena & her mom & more like he just didn’t have anyone he felt he could give the phantom’s psych profile to

you just can’t open up with a flash forward and then not have that be incredibly important! at the end of every case, someone talks about how much they miss apollo & how things haven’t been the same since he left, but athena’s only been working at WAA for a few months so it just feels like the game is trying to force me to feel things. if this was athena’s game, focusing solely on the tampered crime scenes would make sense, because it leads into her story with simon but you called this DUAL DESTINIES. it’s should be a story about apollo & athena! but despite athena constantly talking about missing him, i don’t know why she considers him a friend in the first place. because they’re coworkers? because he’s loud? that can’t be all there is to it