#theres nothing i can do to save your grade and thats fine but at least i know even if it was a Me Problem that i let myself get depressed

[kohakhearts]

well folks its been a good two months of denial but i am finally ready to admit that the reason everything sucks is because of major depression relapse. if i werent so depressed id make this everyone elses problem by projecting it on to blorbo but alas

[jasonbrennerold]

how would you describe jason's overall vibes and key aesthetics?  do they change a lot over the course of his timeline?  [ and if so, how? ]

theres definitely a Lot of changes over time but also a Lot of overlap

Lab vibes/aesthetics are v self explanatory I think? Hospitals vibes and white tiles, blood stains against pure white and the awful stench of chemicals, water dripping from everything and flames that reach the ceiling, cages and bars and locked doors, an overwhelming feeling of being small

Stranger things timeline generally has general 80s vibes, bright colors and weird patterns, messy hair and chewing gum, turtlenecks and suspenders (both copied from his sister's wardrobe), scraped knees and being covered in dirt, the feeling of being an outcast, a look in his eye thats hauntingly sad, never being quite enough, calling for help and never getting it, hours spent at school and nothing ever making sense, mashed potatoes for almost every meal, footsteps so quiet that no one knows hes there, a childhood thats not quite right, like liminal spaces

modern teen jason is a much happier vibe. bright colors and excited noises, cue cards with animals and letters, fridge magnets in the shapes of letters and numbers that are big and bulky and rainbow colored, messy bedroom where everything is somehow in a specific place, lots of soft toys, giant legos that dont require much fine motor skills, a house that looks like a teenager and a toddler share a room, excitedly showing off what he's learning, hours and hours spent in silence at school but with promising grades, feeling younger and older than everyone else, a fear of anything resembling the lab, flanking science because the class gives him a panic attack, minecraft music on repeat, kids shows in the middle of the night, buying things from infomercials, texts made up of emojis, multiple kinds of therapy multiple times a week, parents with money to burn, sunshine in human form, stealing stiles's clothes

late teen/early young adult arc moves darker again, parties and drinking to feel a little warmth, constantly chasing the next dopamine hit, feeling like hes fitting in but at what cost, pushing away the people he loves, not going to therapy, a strangers house, public bathrooms where the lights barely work, feeling like hes not a real person, failing a few classes even though hes trying, texts with actual words, the realization that sex makes things hurt a little less, at least for a while, a lack of shame one day and an abundance of it the next, so afraid to disappoint that he sabotages any chances of success, frustration beneath the surface, an inability to deal with emotions, anger turning to violence, hurting people because hes hurting, scaring the people who care about him, punching holes in the walls, broken bottles that hadn't been empty

adult jason is nicer. the vibes of recovery, struggling but trying his best, a mirror of his younger self — trying to change his life and his internal processes in a world he struggles to fit into, learning what love is, trying to be better, using his powers for good, aggressively optimistic, back in therapy, helping others, protecting and teaching kids that remind him of himself, desperate to save them from turning into him

battle royale jason is violence, reds and blacks and whites. the vibe of the lab is a comfort rather than a fear, emotions locked away behind glazed over eyes, a boy / a weapon, blind obedience, unaware of anything else. the potential to be a monster but refusal to allow it.

jason in his au with @spiriitum / jonas is consistent softness. gentle touches and tremoring hands, the comfort found only in love, escaping together, helping each other move on, not needing words because they know each other so well, being surrounded by books he can't read, growing into an adult, dependency to a potentially dangerous degree, blood and tied hands and a knight in shining armor, finally getting revenge only to realize you didnt want it, sex that lasts for hours, shameless intimacy, sitting on your lovers lap because you just HAVE to be with them, adjusting to a normal life, becoming the person you needed when you were younger, healing old wounds and trying not to rip them open again, fixing yourself so you can help the love of your life get better, destructive tendencies, long showers, the kind of desperation that only comes from limitless love

in his au with @loverslanetm / travis: feeling small but feeling safe, always running, comparing hand sizes, being the little spoon, the trust to just go along with what happens, being protective but powerless, being carried when walking becomes too much, loving someone so much that you dont care if its dangerous, being the big spoon even though he's the smaller man, diners in the middle of nowhere, driving so long that it feels like you'll never stay still again, watching when you think they don't notice, both too scared to make the first move even though its obvious how they feel

in his au with @shinedied / danny: the feeling of finally having someone who understands you, a dad when you thought you'd never know what thats like, softness when you expect violence, danger around every corner, a small house that looks just like the rest of them, walking through the town center when its empty, always learning, helping each other without knowing it, growing attached immediately, a mental connection thats unmatched, just trying your best when the worlds against you, the fear of failure and the softness of reassurance

[dishsaop]

to all you scared and stressed high school kids

its okay. when youre out of high school - and you will be - none of it has to matter anymore. the drama, the culture, the toxicity and shitty relationships, the obsession with sports and popularity contests? there will always be bad people, there will always be stupid drama and bad opinions, but... youre gonna have a freedom to walk away from it or at least ignore it that you dont have in high school. you can keep the friends you want to keep with just a little bit of effort, and everything else just... you can choose to not let it matter. i havent seriously thought about high school until today when i was talking to my kid brother.

grades matter but they dont matter as much as everyone says they do. you have so many options besides college, and even if college is your dream goal? so you dont make it into the top ivy league school. thats okay. theres nothing shameful about community college, nothing at all. hell, its almost always so much smarter to go to a community college than blow hundredd of thousands of dollars on something youre not sure about or cant afford.

we live in a culture thats so insanely unhealthily obsessed with grades - where As are the only thing that count for anything. but im in a pretty good college in a fairly good program and yknow what? no one asks what your grades were in high school. nobody. its just... you should work hard, yes, you should put in effort, you should try to learn but hell, yall, its not worth killing yourself over and i p r o m i s e that.

and on that note - a good work ethic is worth so much more than an A. a kid who works hard and gets a C is gonna be happier and healthier in the future than one who gets an A and doesnt try. that kid with an A is gonna enter the world and not know how to do shit. and the kid whos made an effort will roll their sleeves up and figure it out cos thats what theyve been doing their whole life. please please please dont kill yourself over grades i cried myself to death after i got a C in a class once and its mattered literally 0% guys.

ap classes and honors classes or whatever are neat, yes - its cool to be challenged and its cool to learn more and if they get u out of a college class or two thats rad! but they arent the saving grace everyone says they are. theyre slightly harder classes. thats it. they arent god himself coming down to personally raise you above the common masses. if you arent in ap classes youre fine, its okay, its all gonna work out and its no slight against you.

speaking of. the AP test, the SAT, theyre fuckin rigged. they cost so much to take and then rich people have their kids take thousands of dollars worth of classes to raise their scores to get into better classes. literally. my mom was an AP tutor and the amount of money people spend on just a few points is heartbreaking. these tests are one way to measure one kind of ability, and even then the results are skewed as fuck because of socioeconomic differences. if you get a high score thats great! legit, im proud of you. but if you dont... its fine, its okay, i promise you its okay.

i know every situation is different, but... no matter what you do after high school, it can get better. it might take a while. but high school isnt your whole world. theres so much more out there for you and these are only a few years out of a long life. so much good can happen to you! theres a whole world outside of these walls! you just gotta make it through a few years and i am so proud of you.

[pokefanbri]

"Home is where the heart is" I dont have to tell you where that lies. But its only part of the pain. I know in my heart I'm a good person, but my life has been in shambles since I was young. Theres many like me, that dont deserve the life they were given & yet somehow persevere through it just to survive & try to be happy through the pain.

How I ask do I deserve not to be happy. I feel there was no justice for me, I was dishonorably discharged lol. I was truly happy where I was, but even if i were to travel place to place...that is also in my blood, not just the place I resided.

I was at home, I was at peace, I truly loved everyone there & every second. But do I dare go there again, absolutely in a heartbeat. But this is what kills me, Part of me says "this is your life now, accept it, push through even if u can't" the other part of me says that ill be white knighted with a bust through the door like the kool-aid man & he says "sike, yea i fucked it up & didn't realize I had something special, will u forgive me" 😅

But i know that could just be my imagination & im overthinking again. But where actually is my life headed? I have a good heart, i care so much about those thats affected me even in a bad way...but maybe that's God's love showing right through me, because I forgive easy & help those that need it. My brother says that a "helper" is equivalent to a partner in crime & all aspects, a soul mate. He throws the word around with this subject, but he's also trying to find his forever helper which he believes is the mother of his 1st born children. Thats great, given the right circumstances & if her situation was better, yea they could probably try.

For me, caring & trust is my biggest downfall. Because i do so much for others b4 myself, I end up taken advantage of or at least feeling like it. Even if its not the case, the wrong thats been done to me all my life..made me this way. I cant help that. And to find someone that I trusted fully, only to find out that I couldn't. That breaks a person like me down & actually hurts to the core. I didnt deserve that, but it was the disservice that was thrust upon me without a 2nd thought. I wasn't given the proper chance to love someone because they refused to love me back & yea most of the time it was about them...but thats a leo for ya 😅

When someone shares it mutually, everyone wins, you're complete, u have that "helper" you've been longing for all your life. The good times that were shared, the humorous banter, doing something for the other just cuz u can & cuz u want to, showing eachother off to friends & family like "yea thats my babe right there" as if to say they were happy u were there,the best friend & sidekick that everyone needs...it was all gone in a blink of an eye. Leading on my heartstrings, making me fall harder & harder, the friendship to the end even, all for nothing. But because of all the positives, thats what gets me, it's why my pain is so confusing. Why was it all like that if not on purpose whether for a positive reason I have yet to understand, to make it easier for them not to deal without regard for the others feelings, or cause God making me suffer more through it to make me stronger...when I thought I was done with low struggles already.

Idk man, I just dont understand. But because of what my life has been like over the past half of the year, all the positives makes me want more...because I never got all of him in the 1st place. I always wanted more because he held himself back & on purpose. So maybe it did seem like attachment, but only cuz I longed for the same feeling in return & didnt give up trying to find it..literally any sign of it. I was trying to figure his sweet ass out & learn what kind of person he really was lol, so I could accommodate to him more especially in the last weeks I was sweating my ass off 😆 I was dedicated so much I was willing to change what wasn't liked on the outside. Like I wanted to do so much to keep the best thing i had, cause deep down I knew his old feelings fizzled out quick & I just didnt understand & I still dont. I mean I guess I understand if he wasn't ready for a commitment? And that's fine, but he committed b4 & when I was brought there. What is it that was so wrong about me, that negative thoughts festered so much about someone it makes u think someone else is the problem, when its not the case at all.

Theres nothing i can think of, nothing else i could've done to show my worth, that I wasn't a waste of time. Maybe I pushed too hard? But in those last few weeks I gave space & focused on myself & my tasks at hand with so much more effort to have some kind of a chance, to save what was precious to me..save someone else that couldn't rise up on their own. & i blew it somehow. I was told i settled, but that was the point from the beginning that we both agreed upon. I think it was just that the other was getting comfortable with someone around & it scared em..to where they couldn't do all they wanted in life along with dealing with someone else at the same time. Or possibly felt 1 or the other wasnt good enough for the other & felt inadequate or unequiped. And searching for someone else to fill a void they already had at home, thats another thing that befuddles me. The last time I saw him, it didn't look or sound like he cared, avoided eye contact til he drove off & my heart sank even more as I knew it might be the last time I ever saw him. I was too pissed & in the heat of the moment flipped him off til he was out of sight, but after...i wanted to die right then & there but my best friend was there & we were on a deadline just as he was. If I were alone & my friend wasn't there, I'd be sobbing in that parking lot for hours til someone found me.

They, he, had it all but lost it due to their own negligence, in my opinion.

I mean come on whats not to like about me that didn't go hand in hand with what they were searching for.

The perfect heritage to match his (Templin Germany the 7th largest region) with some jew blood, same interests & hobbys, outlook on life, the lucky number, a good & gentle soul with a love for God. Passion for travel, soft spot for bald eagles, the dream of becoming a parent 1 day, intellectually & gamer gifted, both loves BLT sandwiches...because i da snack too 😏, both have the same middle name but spelled differently & 30yr olds with same hs class year, I have 3 hansome brothers & he has 3 beautiful sisters. I mean Dafuq? Lol. We're total opposites & literally residing NE to SW of the country, 1 grew up well the other not so much...yet we still were able to find eachother....somehow? Bro how about u try the other half of the yr here, 6 month equivalent & finish 2020 the right way huh lol BET 😂 oh man. A girl can dream though can't she?

I have a college writing level & training in business, musical theater, massage therapy (which was the fav), veterinary tech college training in hs, 7 years of choir under my belt since 5th grade including after hs in multiple churches & my choir teachers wedding. I Iove animals, likes to paint, great with technology, listen to music & sing along to every word almost exact, family oriented, a gaming & content creating wizard, passion for helping people, can organize & clean the shit out of anything, can be the boss when i feel the need as well as the spunk & charisma to push forward at any given task. I can multitask & can get shit done if I set my mind to it, if there's something or someone I need to feel purpose to be my best self, yea & if I'm accepted, that's purpose enough right there to get my ass moving.

Yea, jumbling alot of shit in my early life made me crack under the pressure but only cuz i really went over the top & burnt out. But ive relaxed alot since then & am treated for my ailments, ive learned to do things to pace myself now to prevent a psychosis from ever happen again.

Ive said this b4, there was 1 other that also broke up with me...1st time it ever happened the other way around mind u, was also a Leo.. shocker lol. After only 3 months & of me saying the L word too quick...it was what finally broke me, what added ontop of everything else. I was living in my own apt since hs & after school a yr later at 19..he lived in the same apt complex & worked where i did. We hit it off really well & loved talking to eachother at work, almost the same humorous & smart personality with a passion for gaming, dead ass great driver, skinny & ample where it counted, & yea also a weed enthusiast 😅 all of it pretty much the same as the recent one in my life. Honestly thinking about it now they probably would've been great friends lol. Thomas was his name, but I was in a relationship at the time of meeting him as well. But I didn't pursue anything til that relationship blew up in my face just cuz my current bf's grandfather was my boss & saw how well Thomas & i got along as friends, associated it with cheating, & that was that. Tom could be mine after all lol, chips fell into place on their own after he professed his feelings to me on his MySpace blog so damn smoothly lol 😂 Saying there was a girl he liked, i commented on it, he asked me out, that was trap lol, but it worked lol. The chemistry was 🔥

But yea, we had alot fun together & he was completely chill with me. But after it ended it set something off in me. Ended up in a psych ward for 2-3 weeks, little did I know he was worried sick & had no idea where i was or how to visit. I wasnt allowed to have my phone but the persons number I knew by heart, was the previous guy b4 tom, the chubby aloof dumbass that was my 1st love lol. Tom hated him with a passion cuz this dude wasn't a man that treated me fairly, pushed onto me by his family for me to take care of, shelter & feed him mooching off of me & taking advantage of a comfortable place to live at 1 point. When i was in the hospital, my 1st was the 1 to pick me up. When I got back from the hospital I learned of how tom was worried & he gave me a big hug. But by that point I was back with the 1st...somehow that happened & I actually don't remember what brought it on cuz my memory throughtout those weeks was dowsed in medication...but Thomas was the one heartbroken instead of me this time cuz he actually did want me back, the fact I took this other guy back over him, a person he despised...was terrible to him & he severed all ties, moved away. He broke up with me, technically it was okay as so i thought to see someone else regardless if it was an ex or not. i didn't know I had another chance at all.

But anyway, the difference between the 2 leo Ts, 1 let me in completely, cared about me as much as i did for him in same way & the L word too soon is what did it in for him after 3 months 🤷‍♀️ The other T well..unfortunately 1 sided for the most part despite how well we clicked, i was faithful & the other tried not to be after 3 months & hid things due to his own insecurities, pulling me along for another 3months when I didn't have to do jack for him at all after that point, but I did. I might've said the L word too soon with him as well idk. But because I'm a different person than I was then, there's no psychotic break...its just the depressed feeling of defeat with the mix of the longing i still have for him.

Wtf is it with T names & the number 3!? ffs! 😫 Briana Leigh Templin BLT, Bri Loves...whoever Tfuk 🤣

I cant write anymore today, I gotta leave tomorrow. My brother wants me to work for him instead & make more money, in a team that would be like in an office space, basically an assistant but making calls & checking in with clients within his real estate, solar, etc businesses.

But idk, I just got my foot in the door with something else. If I let go of that, for something that could or could not be bad for me, then what do I do? Neither of them sound any less stressful, bryans idea however earns more money & would have me dealing with stuff I like to do in regards to skills maybe? Idk man, idk. It'd a tough call.

My point in writing this, nothing accept to show how much I thought he was perfect for me, just as he originally thought about me. These are all thoughts going through my mind, get them out of my head. To talk openly the way I am, its therapeutic. But I miss him so damn much, not sure when this feeling will go away. I still love him & even dare I say trust him,even through his lying ass faults & idk why, i shouldn't but i do...thats the powerful effect he had on me. Still waiting on the last promise to be friends, im giving space, venting here instead of to him cuz i wouldn't want to be that much of an annoyance. I was going to include more but it'd be dark & negative,& im not about outing the worst in people especially if he was a good guy for the most part...no that wouldn't be right, probably deserves it to be honest..but no. I still wanna do right by him. That's all for now

[nodaudaboutitt]

for the get to know the blogger thing: even numbers in the 130 range

OH Boy, this is gunna be a long one

2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned?

I have a shirt of a lady wearing a panda mask, it looks really nice and im actually wearing it right now ahaha, also really like my star wars X-Wing hoodie :D4. What does your perfect room look like?

Im not really sure tbh, although it would be nice if there was a little more space and better lighting than my room has. Would love to get some small plants and stuff and some owl related cushions or something6. What fictional place would you like to visit?

Would be interesting to visit Dunwall from Dishonored or one of the many planets in Star Wars, would love to go see a Podrace or something!8. When was the last time you climbed a tree?

2014, its the same time i fell out of a tree and broke my collarbone ahaha10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have?

I check my phone way too much which is kinda annoying to me, although my dad gets really annoyed that i bounce my legs ahaha12. What skill would you like to master?

It would be rad to master a language (Although im on my way to that) or maybe my skating or art14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like?

Honestly i would probably just buy a cozy apartment and get a cat or something, ive never really thought about such before16. What state or country do you never want to go back to?Havent actually got anywhere i would never want to go back to yet 18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in?

As cool as the Metro games are, not that one ahaha. maybe the world of Star Trek or something :D20. Are you usually early or late?

Im usually quite early tbh 22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with?

Not really sure tbh, i cant remember, although people occasionally ask me about assignments or such so there that24. What do you wish you knew more about?

Well cos im finding programming a tad tricky at uni, i would say that, but tbh i would love to know more about astrophysics or anything related to rocketry and piloting !26. What are some small things that make your day better?

A cup of tea in my favourite mug, someone complimenting how i look, my dog saying hi when i get home 28. What’s the best way to start the day?

By slamming my face into the pillow and going back to sleep ahaha, nah i think a relaxed morning with some tea and a nice breakfast or something

30. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should?

Would be cool to have a channel for all the space exploration stuff, lunno if it would be widely popular or not but i would love to see such 32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently?

Im not really sure tbh 34. What’s your ideal way to spend a weekend?

My ideal weekend is to laze about at home and play videogames, bake some stuff or work on some art. I just feel really comfy at home so being able to relax at home all weekend sounds ideal to me36. What is your claim to fame?

Im not really sure if i have one?38. What’s your favorite book or movie genre?

I really dig science fiction, although with movies i also like the action genre :D40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about?42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of?

I couldnt think of anything people havent really heard of but i really enjoy reading about early nasa, so stuff like the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo programs44. What’s the best book series or TV series you’ve ever read or watched?

I think at the moment, the best Tv series for me is Band of Brothers46. What’s the most heartwarming thing you’ve ever seen?

Those videos of people meeting family or friends in the airport that live really far away, everyone is so happy in those and its really nice :D48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation?

I could probably give a presentation on ww2 or the moon missions, not 100% accurate or super detailed but yeah, well that or the Lore of various games and movies i like50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

Travel, just seeing somewhere new, the journey and exploration involved, its really cool :D52. What’s your dream car?absolutely no clue54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don’t get?

Game of Thrones, that new show on netflix56. Where is the most interesting place you’ve been?When i lived in England i went to the transport museum and also the various imperial war museums, those were absolutely fantastic. Over here in straya though? probably the top of sydney harbour bridge, that was pretty gnarly58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week?

Well i just got my grade back for my programming assignment and i got 70% :D60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have?

Im not sure, although at the moment im studying game design at uni so i would probably go for that anyway ahaAlthough if there was an opportunity it would be cool to become an astronaut or ww2 historian62. How different was your life 1 year ago?

Well i couldnt ice skate, i wasnt doing a degree, i think i was in  somewhat crappier state than i am now. But things have been improving over the last few years :)64. What would you rate 10/10?

Ahh im not good at rating or ranking anything, i guess the new star wars? (Rogue one)66. What is the most interesting piece of art you’ve seen?

Im not really sure, i dont think ive been to see art in ages, although i really like the art my friend @echey does! its super awesome stuff!68. What do you hope never changes?

My ability to find good in a bad situation70. What movie title best describes your life?I cant even think of one tbh72. What’s the best way a person can spend their time?Just do what you enjoy i guess74. Where is the most relaxing place you’ve ever been?

Botanical gardens in adelaide are really nice, dont go there too often but theyre relaxing as heck76. Where would you rather be from?

As much as i talk shit about england, i dont think id want to be from anywhere else78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months?New alien movie, end of first semester, turn 20 next month, Dunkirk movie, lots of cool stuff :D80. What one thing do you really want but can’t afford?Either a trip overseas or all those games that i have on my wishlist rn82. Where would you spend all your time if you could?Im not sure tbh, i guess anywhere i feel comfortable?84. What age do you want to live to?ahh thats a tough one, i guess in my 20′s? 86. What are you absolutely determined to do?

Get through my degree and get a job in my chosen field88. What do you wish you knew more about?theres so much i wish i knew more about ;-;90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person??? iunno dude92. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?iunno? any compliment is nice to me :D94. Who inspires you to be better?nothing comes to mind but im sure theres someone :/96. What haven’t you grown out of?my favourite tshirt ahaha 98. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done that actually turned out pretty well?no bloody clue but im sure it was absolutely stupid aha100. What’s something you will never do again?climb a tree and break my collarbone102. What keeps you up at night?my messed up sleep schedule mainly, although those weird night time depressed moods get ya too 104. What is the most illegal thing you’ve ever done?probably underage drinking106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you?a worthless shithead108. What do you look down on people for?being absolute wankers, although in my degree the thing i really look down on is those people that are like “How did you not get that? its easy!” or generally act like a know it all and give you shit over coding, like chill out lads and help each other110. What lie do you tell most often?im fine, im not tired, im used to it, ill be fine,  couldnt think of one so heres the top ones i can think off112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older?Can buy what you want, but worst thing is that the older you get, the more youre looked down on for being unemployed114. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it?probably a kickass dragon!!116. What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

Don’t procrastinate/ set your deadline a day or two early and start early so if you do procrastinate, it would fuck you up as bad118. What are you famous for among your friends & family?I think with friends im mostly famous for random history (Mainly ww2) facts and at home im mostly known for my shitty humour i think ahaha120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn’t have?122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self?Don’t give a shit about what others might think, just do what makes you happy and be how you feel you should124. What’s the best thing about you?My terrible humour, my optimism 126. Have you ever saved someone’s life?Who knows?128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like?Like a reverse image of me? nah ahaha probably a massive asshole, but at the same time theyre probably putting them self first and their happiness so iunno130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it?Got a massive scar over my right collarbone, had to get surgery on it when i broke it and so now ive got a metal plate in my body aha

thank you for the ask!!

[arllenn]

METANOIA CHAPTER 4

The snow outside latched onto my attention leaving no room for the lesson that Sensei was currently finishing up. Maybe it was because I had already spent so long in school before this but I just couldn't pay attention no matter how hard i tried. Something always seemed to be more interesting then what we were learning about, the snow outside, the icicles on the windows edge, the sound of the wind. No matter what it was it seemed more worthwhile to focus on everything and anything else, even though i knew it was wrong. I was stuck here knowledge should be the most important thing to me right now. I should, I should be focusing on these lessons, learning more in the hopes that I would find a way to save myself from a life of fighting. Trying to find a way back to my life or something! But i just can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. It hurts, it's a numbing type of pain that feels like a dull throb in the back of my head and the repeated crushing and inflation of my heart. But wait, I don't have a heart anymore, I don't have a brain anymore, I can't feel pain, I can't, I can't I can't I can't I can't. I can't feel anything. I can't see anything. I can't hear anything. I can't do anything. I want to leave, I want to go home, I want, I want, I want.

But i don't do anything. I want and I want and I want, but i can't. Whats the point of wanting if i can't do anything. Even now my emotions feel hollow like it's a show that I'm putting on for attention, but who is it a show for? Who, who, who, I'm actually upset so why do I feel like this, why does it all feel like a show, why, why, why, why, why!

A rustle, then a thud.

Paper work, the writing and minor reading practice that we're supposed to complete by the next class. It's sitting in front of me. I need to do it. Pick up the pen beside me and complete it now. If i don't it will never get done. But it feels like my arms weigh tons from where they rest I don't want to lift my head up off them, I can't. They weigh too much, it's like they're tied down with invisible weights. Drowning in the sea of my emotions, thrown away from the surface of the water by the storm of my regrets. Phosphophyllite looked over, patted my head, perhaps something they had seen Sensei do to Antarcticite. They looked at me expectantly. Maybe they thought this was some kind of cure-all. It wasn't that was for sure but, it did remind me that there were others near me. Phos directly to my left and Sensei having just walked though the doorway, most likely heading off to meditate.

"UGH" I threw my head back and pushed myself away from the table, resting my open hands on the edge allowing for better support to the two back legs of the chair I was sitting on. Phos started out me letting out a grunt of their own before trying to copy my position. You know when teachers told stories about kids falling back and cracking their skulls open from leaning back i always thought it was stupid. But now as I'm watching Phos lean back way too far I can understand exactly why they always went to the extreme to warn kids against sitting like that.

My legs were moving before i registered what i was doing or had a concrete chance to think about a plan. I fell to the ground right under Phos and lifted my arms up in the hopes that I could catch them instead of pad their fall. Unfortunately there were two things I hadn't accounted for. One, gems crack when they come into contact with something harder and, two I was harder than Phosphophyllite, my hardness was 6 theirs 3.5 even if i caught them now they would shatter. And that was exactly what happened.

I felt before I saw and I saw before I heard.

Phos or rather their arms were in my hands which had closed and tried to hold them up on instinct. Their arms had snapped off immediately in a visual that i can only describe as oddly gruesome for someone who doesn't have blood nor bones or guts it was still somehow scarily beautiful. The clink that accompanied the visual came milliseconds after but the pause in between felt stretched to a distorted amount. Like when you were writing with a pencil in grade school and realized that the words came before the noise of the writing itself. The look on their face as their head smashed into my lap was something I missed my mind laser focused on the arms that were now firmly in my grasp. Here I am with my friends? could i even call them a friend? Someone who I'm close with arms in my hands while their head plummeted into my lap.

I felt before I saw and I saw before I heard

There was extra weight on my lap instead of the usual smoothness that one would expect of a carved gem i was met with sharp, rough shards of Phos' head all of different sizes and shapes. The sound of the actual shattering came hours after. The silence, no loudness of it, it overloaded me. One of Phos' eyes rolled so that it was looking up at me having been freed from the socket when they crashed down into me. I stared at it, and stared and stared and stared it wouldn't look away, it wouldn't go away, it was there it was staring just the same as i was, I, I, I, I, I, I CAN'T, I CAN'T MOVE I CAN'T ASK FOR HELP. I WANT TO BUT I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T!

A scream found its way up and through my throat, out into the echoing through the school, getting stuck in the walls clinging to the insides of my ears. The crack on my shoulder seemed to shudder readying itself to further spread across my shoulder when-

"What are you screaming for!" Antarcticite rushed into the room, their expression a controlled level of concern. Lifting my eyes to meet theirs I mumbled out "Phosphophyllite..." I was too scared to say anymore, I couldn't say anymore. My throat closing in and constricting on itself as I sat there with Phos' shattered head in my lap, death grip further damaging their arms. Antarcticite looked at Phos then back to me, "This is common for someone with such a low hardness, if you're worried instead of sitting around screaming waiting for help, be the help Phosphohyllite needs." They walked over step by step inch by inch, click, clack, click, clack. "Open your hands give me his arms." Shakily I raised my hands up towards where Antarcticite stood over us. My hands unwilling to let go until they unfurled my fingers from Phos' arms. "I'm going to take these to the infirmary, I'll come back with something to pick his head and body up with. Until the stay right here." Letting out a noise of approval I looked back down to Phos. Antarcticite walking away, step by step, inch by inch, click, clack, click, clack.

Is this how that person felt when they watched me die? I'm so so so so sorry to them if thats the case, which it most likely was. Then I had made them feel this. This, this ugly symphony of emotions that tore at the hear and berated the mind. Theres so, theres so, much pain accompanied by it. Phos wasn't even dead I knew that, I know that but it was still so scary, to see the person I've spent the most amount of time with sense all of this started, to see them crumble just because I touched them, just because they tried to copy me, because of me, it hurt. It stung, it burned, it seared, it bubbled out of my heart and up my throat, if gems were capable of eating at this very moment I would've thrown up everything i had ever eaten in a painfully disgusting mix of bile and emotion. I want to reach out to caress Phos' head, or rather whats left of it. But they would break then be ground into dust, just like all the gems that were taken to the moon. The moon, the moon, the moon, perhaps that was the best example of ignorance is bliss. Thinking back to the Manga panels, to the frames in the anime there were so many times that Phos ended up like this, no, there are going to be so many times in the future where Phos ends up like this. Shattered, broken to pieces, waiting for someone to stitch them back together, losing another part of themselves in the process. Quite literally. I never wanted to see, i never wanted to hear, I never wanted Phos to experience something like this again. And, if all went according to the story then they would experience this and so much worse so often in the future. I don't want that. I can't accept that. I know whats going to happen, I know how to stop Phos from losing themselves. I can save them!

But, is that really whats right? Is it really ok for me to stop Phos from finding everything out? To have them live a life filled with nothing but thinly veiled lies wrapped up in half truths and complacency? Had gems ever asked about Sensei before? If they did were they granted an answer? Who cares about any of that. Sitting here wondering what if, did this, how about, instead of that, instead of asking pointless questions that all revolve around morals I'll make a decision based on mine. I couldn't care less. I wont stop Phos from going down the path of finding the truth if thats what they choose but, I will stop them from destroying themselves and others in the process. If Phos wants to go off to the moon I'll let them, hell I might even go with them! But I wont force their hand, unless I think it would be a danger to their own mental state. At the very least thats fine right? Something like that, it's the least I can do. Isn't it?

Click, clack, click, clack. Antarcticite was back black duffel bag, (is that a duffel bag? it looks more like a body bag.) in hand. "Put these on," A pair of black gloves was handed to me. "And help me pick him up." Sliding the fabric through my fingers i carefully brought one glove up and onto the tips of my fingers, sliding them in i wondered if something this thin would really stop me from breaking Phos anymore then I already had. "Stop staring at your hands and get to work." Nodding I quickly slid the glove onto my right hand as well and looked down to Phos' head in my lap. Picking up a shard, I placed it into the bag right where Antarcticite told me to.

It took a while to gather all the shards and move into the infirmary where Sensei was waiting, salve and tools ready to go. The sun was just barely still visible over or rather under the horizon. Shifting in place for what had to be nearing if not already past the hundredth time I asked "Are they done yet?" I heard Antarcticite let out a grunt behind me before they walked over to Sensei speaking about returning winter records to the library or something of the sort. After nodding and patting Antarcticite's head Sensei turned to me and said

"Phosphophyllite is nearly done being repaired. Why don't you go fix up your room so that they do not break in the middle of the night while you wait?" Somehow it felt embarrassing to know that Sensei knew about Phos and I's rooms sharing, despite the fact that it wasn't necessarily privet or a secret of any kind. "Yeah ok, i guess." lifting my body with my hands I placed my feet on the ground and turned away from the work table ready to go and make my (our?) bed. I guess it would be convenient to have it already done instead of having to redo it every night. Just as I passed through the doorway I turned to look back at Sensei and Phos one more time before turning around and walking away.

That night Phos seemed particularly attached. It scares me if I'm going to be utterly honest it scared me. Just a few hours ago they were in pieces from me. Broken and as far as they knew never to wake up again. Curling further into myself i folded my legs in half, bringing them up so that my body formed a ninety degree angle my hands resting in between my thighs. The sheets that separate us were much thicker tonight, I had gone into Phosphophyllite's room and used their sheets as an extra layer of padding. Phos raised their hand up slowly watching me as I focused on it. How it slowly glided through the air, how they brought it down onto my side where the padding was just thick enough that it still provided a sense of reassurance that they wouldn't crumble away while also allowing me to feel the small pats that came after it laid there for a few seconds. "Don't worry Hecatolite. I won't break just from being around you." They shifted so that their eyes were on level with mine rather than the top of their head. "You heard what Sensei said earlier, as long as were careful and I don't come into direct forceful contact with you I wont break. So stop looking at me like that." A smile graced their features, pulling their mouth open in a wide show of their sincerity. "Ehe I sounded as grown up as Antarcticite just now didn't I? Go ahead tell me about how cool I sounded." A smile of my own tugged at my lips. I can't say that it was as wide or as bright as Phos' was in this moment but it was true.

"Yeah you were super cool just now Phos, totally grown up." Quirking one of their eyebrows they mumbled something under their breath before shifting their eyes down to the sheets their eyes flitted between me and the sheets for a few seconds their face getting more confused by the second. Lost I wondered just what they were so confused over I ran over my rather short sentence in my mind trying to find anything wrong with it. Just as I was about to ask Phos spoke up.

"My names Phosphophyllite not Phos. Whose Phos anyway?" Their face was pinched together while they looked at me the confusion on their face ten times funnier than it really should've been now. As much as I tried to hold it in I burst out laughing. Phos' face mixing into confusion, shock (or was it wonder? I really can't tell the difference) it only just made me laugh harder. Of course Phosphophyllite didn't know about their own nickname they hadn't received yet. Wait would I have to explain the concept of nicknames to them? Geez this is, this is a bit much. I'm surprised that my sides don't hurt from all the laughing I've done.

"Phos is short for Phosphophyllite. Phosphophyllite is a rather long and hard name to say huh? That's why I called you Phos, it's a nickname of sorts. Wait do you even know what a nickname is?" Phos' cheeks filled with air at that the pouty expression they so often wore in the early stages of their story showing up here in front of me. It was so cute if it wasn't for the differences in our hardness I would've reached out and pinched their cheeks.

"Of course I know what a nickname is! Antarcticite told us about them. Just how dumb do you think I am?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?' They brought their hand down on my side harder in a mock hit.

"Stoooop," A hit "taaalking" another hit "right.now.please." Each word marked by its own strike.

"Yes, yes, I wouldn't want you to break again from hitting me." I purposely drew out my yes' enjoying the way Phos' face contorted to further express their displeasure at my answer.

"I said stop talking, whatever, good night." They turned away from me the tips of the hills of their cheeks the only part I was still able to see of their face. Watching as they slowly deflated I returned Phos' earlier gesture and patted their side.

"Yeah goodnight Phos."

I shifted once again burring my face into the sheets under me. Now, even though I wasn't sure how, I knew in my mind that I wanted to protect this person. Even if they went to the moon. Even if they wanted to uncover the truths of this world by taking a path different to the one in the manga, I want to protect Phosphophyllite the person they are, their mental health, every part of them. I wanted to protect them. I will protect them. I can't say currently that I will do so at the expense of my life but, I can say that I will try my hardest to.

[lovenerdywinnerbouquetfan-blog]

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"auto insurance quotes at risk

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I see BCBS is going up over 7% for 2011. Is there no stopping these rising costs? my poor pension.

I cant find cheap car insurance HELP?

im 60+ male i want to buy a car for 900 pounds but the insurance is 500+ ive not got a car yet but will be a small car not for work but for every day and only 13-1400 engine size im in the uk can you advise on cheap car insurance tanks

auto insurance quotes at risk

auto insurance quotes at risk

How much i will paid from insurance Vauxhall Astra DR5 1.4 1995 year and where is the cheaper??

Vauxhall Astra DR5 engine1.4 made in 1995 year.I am looking from something cheap but good.

Car insurance question.?

My boyfriend and I are in the process of buying a car, it is going to be in his name only. We obviously have to get insurance on the car and he doesn't have a car at the moment so only has a non-owners policy. We have to show proof of full coverage. When we go get the insurance are we supposed to tell them it needs to be on the car we are buying? What info about the car do we need? Also he has a not so good driving record, can he list me as the primary driver if my name is not on the car? And if so, will that make insurance a little cheaper?""

How can i get cheap insurance?

I'am going to be 17 soon and i going to buy a car so i was wondering what car should i buy or what shoul i do to get cheap insurance, because at the moment it's cost about 3.500 and that just too expensive... help please""

Is the renault twizy cheap for teenagers?

Is the insurance cheap Im looking around below 2000 a year

Car insurance quotes?

About how much would car insurance cost for 16 year old teenage driver in florida. The car would possibly be a 2005 convertible.

How much condo insurance should one get?

if i have a condo that i want to get insurance for, what is a good amount? the condo is 1215 sq ft w/ 2 bath & 2 bedroom.""

What is the Difference between a PRIMARY and SECONDARY type of driver on Insurance?

Was looking at Auto Insurance and was wondering what the difference is between being a Primary driver of a vehicle and a Secondary. Is it cheaper on insurance to be a primary if one driver has more years experience than another or does it matter at all? I gather being an occasional driver would make a difference on insurance though.

Looking For New Car Insurance Company. HELP!!?

I need something with the fewest complaints yet the cheapest rates. For two cars and only half coverage we are paying over 200...

Is an automatic car cheaper to tax and insure?

This may sound stupid, but i was looking into driving lessons when i came across an advert for an automatic driving school. I was wondering if, at the end of it, would it make an difference to my insurance if i had a stick or automatic? Thanks""

How much do commercial bus companies pay for insurance?

I have heard that commercial bus insurance is very expensive, but I can't seem to find a website or forum that gives an estimation of cost. Do insurance companies per bus, or per driver, or both? What is the cost average per bus and per driver?""

How can I get affordable health insurance for my mother and I?

I am 22 years old and my mother is 57. While she was working, her job for the state had a very good health insurance which would cover me and her until I turned 25. However, her eye sight has started to go out on her and she could no longer do her job. She now works part time as a vendor for a brand of dog food, as that is the only job she could get in today's economy with her failing health. I am in college with a meager part time job. Medically, there is nothing wrong with me yet, but there have been times earlier this year where I got so sick that I felt like I was going to die, but no hospital or clinic would see me for less than $300, even though I knew I just needed some antibiotics. It's insane. I could not afford that. I am in college partly so that I can graduate, get a good job, and help my mother retire and live in good health. She needs to see a specialist, and at the crappy free hospitals, she has been waiting in line since January, and is not expected to see her doctor until December. I want to try and get us both affordable health care. Her, because she needs to see a doctor more often to have her medicine regulated, and me because whenever I get a viral infection, I don't want to lay in bed for a week until I'm able to buy antibiotics off of the black market. And I don't want this crappy healthcare system to kill my mom while she waits months for treatment she needs now. Does anyone have any idea where I can look?""

How much have you paid for classic car insurance?

I have just bought merc e220 1993 and looking for cheap policy. Im over 30 female and got a wicked quote for fully comp with a named driver for 180. What have you paid?

Car Insurance Quote - Looking for afford auto insurance?

Car Insurance Quote does some one know a cheap auto insurance that is dependable I am a good driver please advise.

Should I get business insurance?

I am an LLC for my small online business (I sell handmade jewelry). Should I also have business insurance? I make under $50k a year.

Can i change a court order insurance?

My kids have been on medi-cal since i separated with their father and it has been great. I have a child with special needs and we were able to go to the best clinics in town like UCSF and Stanford. i felt that my child gets the best medical care. The court ordered the father to provide a new insurance and we came to Kaiser last year. In almost a year dealing with Kaiser doctors i don't feel the same professionalism and quality of care as we used to get being at different other clinics. I started to think of changing the coverage to what we had prior to this. But i am not sure how i could change the court order and what evidence i need to provide asking for the change. Kids are still on Medi-cal, but its their secondery now.""

Car insurance... ways to lower it?

I know there are many variables but I've found the cheapest insurance company for me and adjusted various thing to lower it, all things are still true to me, but I'm currently looking to pay around 2400 I have found cheaper insurance for around 1400 bit then looking to pay around 1200 for the car, I bought my car for 80 as it was a family members car and needed work, but its all repaired, so the money id spend on a car wouldn't make up for insurance, also I've found insurance cheaper for my car but has a black box fitted to the car if I do that, but I may want to drive later than 11.00pm""

Do trucks have high insurance?

As a ''rule'' are trucks high or lower side of insurance? BTW, I am looking at older trucks, 1994-1999 4x4's Thanks everyone. Please now Yes sort of maybe. Just a simple straight forward answer with facts to back up up! :)""

In general how long does it take to switch car insurance?

As well as canceling car insurance? I heard 7 days is that true?

Obama's Healthcare plan. Can someone define affordable?

Whats affordable for my neighbor is not affordable for me. So how does this work. Will I pay less than my neighbor? Will I be able to opt out on my own insurance and get the same Heath insurance Obama is on?

Firm choice has lower grades than my insurance?

My firm choice has lower grades than my insurance choice. My firm choice is 240 points or CCC but my insurance is BBC. Will this effect which university i go to? If i was to get the grades BBC will i still get into my firm choice?

Do you need auto insurance when your car is under Planned NON Operation ?

I have a old car that i am not going to use for the next 4 months till my wife comes back (she's out of country now). My Question is if i file for a planned non operation of the car with DMV, can i take this car out of my insurance. Currently i just have the liability on this old car. Is insurance mandatory even if your car is not driven / in public roads?. Please help.""

What are short-term life insurance needs?

I currently have a 5 year term life insurance policy with State Farm and I was wondering if it were possible for me to make a withdrawl or loan from this policy. I researched this some and on some websites it said it wasn't possible; however whenever I look on State Farms website it says the below: The State Farm 5 Year Term policy provides affordable life insurance protection for a five year period and is renewable for subsequent 5-year periods until age 85 (age 80 in NY). It is great for covering any short-term life insurance needs you may have. Short-term life insurance needs may include such things as: * Car loan * College tuition * Home equity loan * Mortgage loan * Business loan * Student loan * Key employee Term insurance may also be appropriate when your life insurance needs are great but your budget is tight. Does this mean I can make a withdrawal so that I can pay off my student loans? Also, it seems that my policy has ended in December; however, I was still charged this month. The policy started in 2005.""

Is motorcycle insurance expensive in southern california for an 18 year old male?

i want to drive a motorcycle, but if the insurance is too expensive, then ill refrain from it. How much is it for a male, 18 years?""

I have pre-existing conditions & I'm 61. Where to go for health insurance?

I'm having a hard time trying to find health insurance. I have pre-existing conditions (take medication for a mild heart arrhythmia & for cholesterol) plus I'm on medication for depression. And I'm 61. I've searched the web without luck - insurance agents who've called me say my condition makes me Uninsurable. Either that or I'm contacted by scam artists. Does anyone have experience with the Health Insurance Industry & have suggestions on what company to contact? Or what insurance agents are reputable? I live in California. I welcome your thoughts & suggestions. Thanks!

How much would insurance on a Mercedes C230 cost?

2008

auto insurance quotes at risk

auto insurance quotes at risk

I'm looking for affordable auto insurance...?

I am looking for an affordable auto insurance in New Jersey. Does anyone have any ideas. And is it true that a Broker is a good option? What would be a reasonable rate for just a PIP and a older car? I have no accidents or tickets.

How much should one spend on their first car?

Here is the problem. I am a photographer who photographs rural areas, but I can't stand not living in the city. I don't drive, cause I live in Chicago and I thought I hated driving. I think I just hated drivers ed. SO now I want to drive everywhere and work more often instead of waiting until I can find someone to drive me around. I am obviously going to be road tripping a lot, and this is my first car. I need something with great MPG. I live in Chicago, but my mom lives downstate, although I'd like to share it with her. I'm thinking either a used prius, mini cooper, or volkeswagon. I'm 19. What do you think would be the best choice, and what costs am I looking at for insurance, ect?""

Is insurance expensive on an '01 Hyundai Tiburon?

Is insurance expensive on an '01 Hyundai Tiburon?

How much is this car worth to sell this car to the insurance.?

It is a 2005 Toyota Corolla CE with a salvage title. It has 76000 miles just body damages. Thanks in advance

Can I drive without my name on car insurance?

I'm 18 living in California. I am not on my parents insurance because I don't have a job to help pay the monthly fee. I do however drive the car with my parent in the car with me. My mom signed a waiver that said something like My child is not responsible for any damages if in a collision. Basically saying that my mom is taking full responsibility if anything happens to the car wile we are driving. So I guess y question is; Is it illegal to drive without being on the insurance, but an adult who is on the insurance is in the car? In other words can I still drive with a parent whose name is on the insurance, even though my name isn't? I apologize if this sounds confusing.""

Which Car Insurance is Known to have the Cheapest Quotes/Rates?

Looking for a car insurance company that's a little easy on a 20 yr. old's pocket.

Am I required to put my parents down on my car insurance? I am concerned about liability.?

I am an adult over 40 yrs old, living with my parents. I have not been off my parents policy before. I live in New York State. Am I required to put my parents down on my car insurance, or would their car insurance cover it if they had an accident while driving my car?""

Will my insurance cover the wreck & my car?

My boyfriend was driving my car and he's not under my insurance plan only me and my mom are and someone thought we were riding their *** so they slammed on the breaks and we slid right into their car and he rolled down his window and laughed and cussed us out then drove away. and my car is totaled. will i have to pay all repairs? or will the insurance cover it even though someone else was driving my car? (i know if the insurance pays i will have to still pay a deductible)

Which car insurance company will accept me; I have a few traffic citations on my record?

Since 2006, I have gotten 3 speeding tickets on my record, and 1 citation for getting into a turning lane too early (3-pointer). I got a speeding ticket in march 2006, february 2007, and december 2008. I got the last turning lane citation just a few weeks ago. I am going to court for both recent citations (from December 08 and a few weeks ago) pretty soon. I will use a no lo contendre to reduce the points on one, and ask to do community service or take a class to reduce the points on the other. I understand that most car insurance companies look at both POINTS and OFFENSES. I am with Liberty Mutual right now under my parent's family plan and since 2006, NONE of my tickets have affected our insurance. I want to take precautions and see who can quote me for having a poor driving record as I mentioned above. This year just might be the year Liberty Mutual will review my record and then, BOOM...rates are sky high. I want to responsible about what I did and get on my own plan soon. What I did was irresponsible and stupid and I am DONE making mistakes on the road. I'm 22, female, a student with a 3.47 GPA (Dean's list), trying to finish my bachelors at a university, and share rent with my brother for an apartment. I work part-time and go to school full-time. Which companies would accept me? I've got a poor driving record, but a good 'student' record--if that even matters. Please help. Otherwise, I will have to wait till some violations clear in 10 years or so. Either way, I would really appreciate if someone could tell me what my options are. I will be out of school by summer 2010 (next year) and will need to get on my own plan by then.""

Home insurance/ Hazard insurance?

Is there any difference between these two...I was looking at my home mortgage and I think I pay for hazard insurance and home insurance...I looked online and it didnt seem there isn any difference between them? Im trying to lower my mortgagae payment thats why Im asking:)

Best health insurance for young married parents?

Me and my boyfriend are wanting to get married next year because he'll be graduating high school and it'll be the best time for us I'll still be a junior and we have a young daughter. We will be going to the same college once I graduate plus it has a daycare for our daughter which is great. Once we get married though I know I won't be a single mother anymore so I probably won't qualify for Wic or medicade. So I want to get an idea now for what the best health insurance is for our situation that would be the most affordable since we will be in college and we won't be making a whole lot of money. What is the best and most affordable health insurance for young married parents in college. Also has anyone else been in a similar situation and how did you make it work.

I got a cheap quote from The General Auto Insurance company?

and I think its too cheap to be true, it was a 6 month premium for $224 with a down payment of $56, is this a scam or is it a legit quote/company????""

Insurance for mitsoubishi rvr import?

Am trying to find an insurance company who will give me a good insurance price on the above car.It is a 4 door,4x4,petrol automatic,1994 grey import.My present company charging the earth because they say it is group19 sports car.Is down on the reg document as an estate!""

Car Insurance?

I'm 16 and I don't have a car, but am I covered with insurance on my parents cars automatically?""

How does a 13 year old tell their mom they want to have a baby??? HELP PLEASE :)?

Im 13 and it may be a little weird but im ready for a baby. how do i tell my mom?

Insurance costs for new drivers?

I am thinking of getting my driver's license in about seven months (when i turn 18), but i am a bit discouraged by the quotes for car insurance that i have been given. I was told that car insurance for new driver's is about $3500 per year (and this is with a 40% discount for maintaining a 4.0 GPA). If i am put on my parent's insurance plan, it will still cost me $1100 per year (i have to make up the difference caused by adding me to their policy). Is this the normal rate for insurance for new driver's? Any other way to lower the cost? Any help would be greatly appreciated because i really want to learn to drive but the cost is so great...especially since i will be starting college next year.""

Which family car has the lowest insurance rates in Toronto and why?

Which family car has the lowest insurance rates in Toronto and why?

How much does it cost to add a minor to my (RACQ)insurance if there under the age of 25?

How much does it cost to add a minor to my (RACQ)insurance if there under the age of 25?

What is the best and cheap health insurance?

I came form a different country so i dont have any insurance when i came to california. What is the best that i dont have to pay anything when emergency and cheap like $30 per month.

What is the cheapest car insurance company in San Antonio?

I'm just looking for a liability insurance. Thankssssssssss!!

How long would it take for my car insurance to go back down?

If I got a few speeding tickets, which resulted in my car insurance to go up, how long would it be before it goes back down?""

Can a daughter cover her mother in her company's health insurance?

A friend of mine is expecting her daughter to get a full-time job after graduation in summer of 2007. She is a 58-year old widow and doesnt have health insurance. She is planning to have her daughter claim her as a dependent in the coming tax year in order to cover her in her daughter companys health insurance once her daughter gets the job. I told her the above condition is impossible. Her daughter can claim her as a dependent, but not able to cover her in the group health insurance, such as company's health insurance. Would like to hear other comments and opinions.""

How much would i have to pay extra on my car insurance if i added my 18 year old son?

he jus got his license a few days ago?

What is the cheapeast insurance company for a teenager female driver?

I am curious about what good insurance companies are cheap for teeenager female drivers.

Price Would Car Insurance?

I have like no idea how everything works.. what would be a good starting car to just start driving in? im 17 soon and ill be going for my driving lessons soon.. and i want to know what the sort of insurance prices would be for an 18 year old..thanks x Sorry if i talk too much lol.

auto insurance quotes at risk

auto insurance quotes at risk

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/can-car-insurance-broker-wrong-jose-zamora/"

[shamelessexperttree-blog1]

Me tho

When I’m confused, I write. And Ill just say, the last four months of my life have been the most confusing yet. I don’t know why exactly I’m writing you. I discovered in the tiny English section of my neighborhood library, only the Harry Potter series, wonder ( Ive read it 3 times now) and 2 of your books. I read them both in a week. I don’t know why I wrote you. I probably would have written a favorite musician of mine ( z.B John Darnielle or Sam Beam) but I am honestly just to scared to. Don’t take this the wrong way, because your books are great and I think you’re a cool person, but I just felt like you were more aproachable. I don’t really care what you think about me, ( although then again, I’m not really supposed to care what anyone thinks about me, now am I?) and when I read in your book about one of the charecters listening to The Mountain Goats, I felt like I had a connection with you ( even though there is probably like 800,000 TMG fans ). Also, side note, when I first picked up one of your books, when I was younger, like 8, I thought you ( the author of the book) were John Darielle because my dad said he wrote a book too, and your picture looked kinda similar to what I imagined JD would look like ( isn’t it funny how we picture what singers and authors look like based on their work? Or maybe its just me that does that). Anywho, I needed to write down all my thoughts and I though you were as good a person as anyone ( that phrase feels strange to write, like its grammatically incorrect or something, and maybe it is my English is a tiny bit rusty) to bear my soul to. I would have preferred to write a letter because I have been reading way to much of my boy JD ( Salinger, oh gosh that was cringe I hope I don’t actually send this), but I guess ill save the trees cause I didn’t want to ask google what your adresse is, cause that feels creepy. Me on your books and such- I read The Fault In Our Stars when I was what, 11? Good writing, but I’m not really a romance girl. But I really do dig your writing style, and just your references  ( z.B The Mountain Goats, random German words).  Alright, I guess I should start with the sitch. Im currently going to a school where I understand about 40 percent of whats happening ( its auf Deutsch). Im thirteen, and this was self inflicted. I currently live with my aunt. I miss my family. I miss California. I miss English. But thats fine, I’m figuring it out and there is one nice girl, and I like the challenge. The real issue is my exisential crisis I’m going through. I guess Ill best demonstrate by quoting something I wrote while watching the sun set from my favorite spot in my town ( oh gosh I sound like such an insufferable academic who thinks every word out of their mouth it pure poetry. I feel like the exact kind of person Franny hated ( Franny from Franny and Zooey JD Salinger) „ I hope my dying speech is mundane. A truth, true testament to the days where the boring collect ( Reference to New York I Love You But Your Bringing Me Down, by LCD soundsystem) I hope when the last breath leaves me, I mumble „  oh what a wonder, oh what a waste“ ( Reference to Avant Gardener by Courtney Barnett). I hope the words I spin stand idly, unused. I hope my books burn to the ground, till they are nothing but ashes of letters and lies, not leaving any solid thing standing. I hope the music they play on my death bed is soft and silly. I hope it has no climax, just an end. I wish I could sit on this bench and think of nothing at all, besides the dusky sky and the biting cold. I hope all grand romantic gestures are put on hold, till the plain nothing suffices to bring tears to our cursed smote filled eyes. I hope in my trail, testament, and plead, I have nothing other to say then „Es tut mir leid“ I hope I have on more lesson to be learned.  I hope my words die on my lips, the tales go silent in my head. I hope n my dying speech, I have nothing at all to say“. Im just unsure, confusedAbout how there can be so many people, ideas and opinions on this earth. Confused why we don’t have all the answers. Confused about my existence. I feel like you are a safe person, not close to me, but not so far either, to just pour out my soul to ( sorry if your not religious cause I’m mormon ( this might sound like an oxymoron, but I also 100% support the LGBTQ+ community, and I disagree completely with the mormon church on that point) and I believe, or at least some times I believe, that God exists). When I moved here , I thought there would be like this giant difference, like my life would be changed, but it wasn’t. It has been weirdly the same. I thought that because I had never been through a life changing experience, that there are such things, just based on circumstance alone, but know I think that us humans are pretty much the same no matter who we are, where we live, or our life experience. I think that what we tell ourselves becomes ourselves. I tell myself ( Im just being completely honest. I feel like I have never actually been completely honest with anyone, so id like to start here, so forgive me when I sound like an awful arrogant person right here, cause in my head, I kind of am) that I am smart, that I am a quick learner, that Im hard working, that I notice things that others don’t, that there are so many things going on in my head that no one could even start to guess about. I look down on girls that listen to Katy Perry and like Starbucks frappicinos. But deep, somewhere behind all the words I tell myself, the comforting familiar lies of my frontal continous, I know I’m wrong. I think that its so hard for us as humans to actually realize that there are other people. Oh, sure, we say we do. We are mindful ‚of other people‘ we do service, write kind letters, finish the dishes, ‚for other people‘ but do we really? Ive heard about the important time in childhood development where kids realize that there other people with feelings and thoughts just like them, but I feel like we spend our whole life learning that lesson over and over again. Also, regarding these words we tell ourselves over and over again. The things we say that our life should be, the people we are. A couple years ago in 5th grade, we learned how to write memoirs ( why fifth graders are learning how to is beyond me) and our teacher likened the first paragraph to the beginning of a show, and the last as the ending, you know the ones that sum it all up and wrap it like a nice bow, where the character learns a lesson and that is that and they’ve made their decision and it all makes sense. I think we try to do this with are lives. We look at the things we do, what happens and how we react, and we tell ourselves things based on them. We tie in a quote or two that we feel hold true to our story that we tell ourselves, and bam theres our life. But these collages of the parts of our lives, ourselves, that we like, can’t contain all of us. We can’t fit in the pages of the book we write, because we were not born of words. We were born of something so much older and more primeval. We were before words were, yet we act like words make us. In one of my favorite books of all time in the universe ever, Till We Have Faces by CS Lewis ( heres a quick summary: its the tale of cupid and psych, told by the older sisters pov. Psych is born and is a beautiful thing of perfection, and the goddess ungit ( in greek Aphrodite) is jealous of her, and therefore psych must be sacrificed/ made bride two the beast/ god of grey mountain ( in greek cupid) Oral, the protagonist, is so torn when her sister goes. She visits her sister and cannot see her castle from the god, and thus thinks she’s gone made. She convinces her sister to break the gods rules ( for oral is sure its not a god but a monster or a thief tricking the delusional girl, and that the girl is imagining a palace) and look upon his face, and is thus banished and forced to do impossible tasks. The whole book is written as a complaint against the gods, saying that if the gods could just reveal themselves plainly then none of this would ever happen.) At the end of the book, when oral is reading her complaint against the gods to the actual gods, she takes her book to read, and realizes it is not the ‚beautiful book‘ she was writing but instead a vicious rambling. And she realizes that this is her ‚ real voice‘. ( sorry the quotes are weird I’m writing this on a European computer) „When the time comes to you at which you will be forced to at last utter the speech which has lain  at the centre of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot like, been saying over and over… Till that word can be dug out of us why should they (the gods) here the bable that we think we mean? How can we meet them face to face, till we have faces?“ ( 295).  Her big revelation, her eureka moment, is that the words we build our lives around, the stories we tell and are, are nothing but a vicious confusion made by humans, because we are scared of what lies beyond words. And my question is, then, as someone who loves writing and reading and who lives on words, what is there after them? Silence and god? I am to afraid, as it is right now, to give up words. But somewhere, deep inside me, past all the words, I know the only way I will ever be able to take off the mask of words I have made to protect myself, the only way I will truly find out who any of us are, is by letting go of these stories, by telling god, I am yours for the taking, show me what you will. But for know, I am to afraid, so I guess I will just keep living the life I have written on paper. I guess Ill just keep living my paper life. Confused and thankful, Mia Call PSA playlist of my current mood. Do you know any of these guys?

Born Alone— wilco

Neighboorhood 1— arcade fire

Is there a ghost?— Band of Horses

Were going to be friends— the white stripes

Avant Gardner— Courtney barnett 

Two headed boy— Neutral milk hotel ( more like the whole album tho)

Love vigilantes— iron and wine

Hannah hunt— vampire weekend

Memory lane— Elliot smith

Thirteen— big starUp

 the wolves— mountain goats

Shut up kiss me— angel olson

That summer feeling— johnothan richman

Comes a time— Neil young