#these are realities an artist on the internet must accept

[drchucktingle]

reverse call out post

i have noticed that SOMETIMES it really bothers folks to discover i am sincere and not playing a character. that tinglers are deep artistic expression. i think it  because these few buckaroos are often kind and even politically left but had problematic ways just a few years back

these buckaroos are forced to confront their previous assumptions about neurodivergence and queerness, which is bound to happen as time trots on and cultural landscape evolves. but this sudden realization they have about themselves apparently MUST be ignored and pushed away

theres BIG TIME buckaroos on this very platform who publicly made fun of and gatekept my autism. these posts are STILL THERE. folks questioning my bisexuality. and these are buds who at one time worked with chuck and were pretending to ‘like me’ in way that i now see was irony

these are a previous generation of liberal ‘comedy forum’ buds who laugh and laugh at ‘ridiculous bad erotica’ and wrote as a money scheme. those who would later say with concern ‘chuck tingle is homophobic for making fun of queer erotica’. the same THEY might gleefully write

and i think their reaction is a way to deal with truth that THEY were doing these things ironically and have ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEPT that someone else couldve been creating joyful queer neurodivergent art during the same timeline with sincerity instead of irony.

so now as chuck gets taken more seriously they have to confront something. question of ‘wait, was i laughing at a real person the whole time? was i calling someone homophobic when in reality it is much more homophobic to MAKE that accusation, because queerness is not a monolith?’

old posts calling out chuck as fake, dehumanizing me, gatekeeping my place on spectrum of autism AND sexuality are still up. they wont be addressed because these folks cannot ever acknowledge they treated someones very existence as a joke. they will not admit THEY needed to grow

and honestly buckaroos, I FORGIVE THEM. nobody is dang perfect and the internet is swirling with irony poisoning. those folks on old forums were BATHING IN IT DAILY. it does not bother me because it is the past, but pondering on it during moments like this i am compelled to write

i do not bring this up to punish for past, but to hope buckaroos remember lesson in the future: you do not need to gatekeep. you do not need to make yourself the arbiter of others lifestyle and identity. you do not need to score online points as a way of proving your goodness.

proving love is complicated sometimes, and a big part or that complicated journey is accepting there are some unique buckaroos out there, buds who actually ENJOY making neurodivergent art and expressing their queerness in unique ways. who need time to learn THEMSELVES through art

it is my belief and suggestion that buds allow others this space. to accept them as they come. to TROT WITH THEM INTO THE FUTURE. thats a heck of a way to prove love is real. i think we can make this trot of sincerity together and DANG am i looking forward to it. LOVE IS REAL

[jewish-vents]

(Post this anonymously, please!!)

I am an artist with an 8k+ follower blog which I have been active on for over 12 years. I've always felt safe here and have considered it my internet home. After October, watching the amount of people in my fandoms and artists who I had admired and found community with who immediately went full-in on a very black and white, aggressively conspiratorial and antisemitic brand of pro-Palestine activism, my idea of community here and my place in it was totally shaken. It was like I had put on a pair of glasses that allowed me to see the latent radicalization that had been going on around me, and the pervasive antisemitism that exists, unacknowledged, in nominally pro-social justice leftist spaces.

The loneliest part is that it feels like, with few exceptions, only other Jews can see it. Even the gentile friends who i love most and who would unquestionably stand up for me are just not attuned to the dogwhistles enough to see 95% of it. It's like living in a bubble reality, unable to take these glasses off, while everyone else goes on as if everything is the same.

Yesterday, I logged in, and saw image attached from a gentile artist i'd followed for months, who had never before given me a reason to feel unsafe. Their tags read "don't come in my inbox to debate this, i have no interest and will not change my mind." I wanted to cry from frustration- this person likely has no understanding of how revoltingly antisemitic this post was because they have no understanding of the complexity of what "zionism" actually means, and, as they've made clear, they have no interest in learning or being told they're mistaken. There are so few of us (Jews) here- how the hell are we ever supposed to combat this? The worst part was that it had 98 likes, and zero replies suggesting that any of them saw a problem with this or disagreed.

I myself never really understood zionism before this- I am ashamed to say that I took a lot of the twisted definitions held by gentiles in my progressive social media spaces without question, and thought that because I believed in Palestinian self-determination, I must be an anti-zionist by definition. It took the "glasses" coming on in the time since October for me to fully learn and to understand that while the nuances of the term go deep, to the majority of my people, basic "zionism" means belief in Jewish-self determination in Eretz Yisrael, and that when many gentiles say "Zionist," they just mean "bad Jew."

In all of this mess there's one thing i'm grateful for, and it's that, even as i've lost community in unfollowing/blocking previous mutuals and acquaintances who've shown their incuriosity and prejudice, this shakeup has driven me to find community with other Jews on this site and a greater curiosity about and sense of belonging in my culture in the real world. I can't be mad that my eyes are open, because i've only lost community that wouldn't accept me as I am, and am gaining community that does, that shares my struggles and that sees the world in ways compatible with my values. When I look at my activity tab and see notifications from my mutuals now, I feel safe knowing that I have been honest, shared the truth of me, and that they have chosen to stick around, whoever they are. I love you all.

[moonpoolcat]

Hi Everyone!

About me

♢Hello whoever you are that has fallen into my cave of an account. I go by many names, but I am normally referred to as as Tiny. (If you know me personally I'm Sirina and hi you found me!) I'm a small artists an writer with adhd. I'm still learning new techniques so don't mind me experimenting every once in a while. I struggle with intense paranoia and a horrible sleep schedule, I have not posted to tumblir in years but I am hoping to make a fresh start after departing from the hell hole known as twitter. After recently being discarded by the last fandom I had been a part of I currently am searching for a new fandom to call home. I hope to get to know you all and I'm looking forward to making some new friends. 💙 ♢Extra: I do have an IRL job so posts will be extremely slow, drawing is a hobby after all.

♢What to expect: Realism- lots of realism. If I can draw it, I can make it real. Do not be surprised if I am absent for a long time an suddenly post out of nowhere.

♢This is a personal one please by all means do not take my words to heart. I can be overly blunt an brutally honest. I don't, mean any harm, if you feel like I was too harsh please let me know.

⚠️Content warning 🔞

In regards to this I would like to give a little bit of context on this matter I am going to address to my younger viewers. I am NOT responsible if you're in any shape or form confused or uncomfortable as I put this here specifically so you can read this. I am NOT your parents. I'm not responsible to monitor your activity here. In no way shape or form am I going to censor myself because you found my content an just said ew. None of you are entitled to come in here an tell me what to do with my art. That goes for the adults as well. If I catch you little turds trying to act more than your age I'm going to treat you like one an break a new reality into your little heads. You can easily block my account an be on your way. This is your only warning. The following is a list of said content Mild nudity, expression of anatomy exposure of skin explicit themes or suggestive poses. Gore is also included as it will be a heavy theme in some posts. look at your own discretion so i'm just gonna dump a bunch a tags you can use.

For my ask box I actually do take suggestive requests! Again please tag them correctly and do not send anything that has been controversial or associated with anything that might get my ass canceled over the internet. #tw gore, #cw suggestive, #tw suggestive #tw body horror #cw gore,# cw body horror,

Other fandoms of interests

♢ Anything anthro ♢ Cult of the lamb ♢ Mlp ♢ Warrior cats ♢ Wof ♢ Welcome home ♢ Any fandom I can obsess over an get my hands on Response time I cannot for the life of me respond fast enough, if I do congrats. I'm not on social media regularly so do not expect me to be on every day. This goes for dms as well. What I do allow I have seen the abyss of twitter so I am putting this here now. ♢Interaction art between ocs ♢Memes ♢Fanart ♢SFW ships ♢Shit posts ♢Literature posts (if you're feeling a little handsy I don't mind fanfiction) DO NOT make it nsfw if you aren't going to tag it correctly! ♢I have no problem with ocs or characters flirting with each other just ask first as a heads up. What I don't allow ♢Spamming of inbox ♢Unconsented shipping: I do not allow unwanted shipping of my characters an ocs- (I know where you are..) even if it is harmless please do not do this without my consent first. ♢Nothing personal but anyone below 18 must refrain from dm me as my safety as well as yours is important. I know some older users allow this however I don't. Do not lie about your age Any miss information may result in you getting blocked. ♢For my younger anxiety induced users this may be an acceptation if not rarely as I understand social interactions is hard. ♢Do anything I will not tolerate bullying, toxic behavior, instigating, gaslighting, or any form of harassment that might hurt others. Failure to do so will result in an instant block. ♢ Spam requesting art of ocs.

Protection of art All extremely art related posts will be watermarked. If you or anyone else spot someone stealing or claiming the art is theirs feel free to report them. My tags that I probably won't remember #rainworld epoch au #rainworld epoch #moonpooldraws #rw oc #my ocs #askmoonpool #rambling moonpool #Moonpoolwrites Programs used Firealpaca- that's it. What did you expect?

List of characters (so far) Epoch Looks to the Moon (So far as I intended on updating her ref soon.) LORE! Epoch Moon Backstory (Long version)

This is a WIP I'll add more later on. Did you make it to the end? Good. Have a nice day ye little gremlins.

[athousandbyeol]

true that nitpicking everything everything forcebook does as 'romantic' is kind of absurd from my pov also coz there are times when i see romanticised fanedits of FB (not their characters) and be like *scrunched up confused face* isn't that just normal between best friends and yes as you said "everyone is open to ship or support their favourite artists. but there must be boundaries set. after all, we're all humans." THERE MUST BE BOUNDARIES SET. and ive said this before (replied to one of the tweets) that even though i am happy and love the fact that my babies are getting the love support recognition they deserve (COZ THEY FREAKING DESERVE IT WAS SO LONG OVERDUE) i also wanna gatekeep them knowing how toxic and invasive the growing fandom would get further down the line (ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY GAIN MORE RECOGNITION including exposure to fans from other fandoms FROM P'JOJO'S ONLY FRIENDS coz let's be real its the most awaited series of 2023) and we have plenty of evidences for the same and i don't want that for them they are precious babies (yes they are grown men and my age I WILL BABY THEM) they don't deserve this kind of shit

thank you for listening to my rant again and thank you for your time and your reply and your tag (ive never been called cute on the internet by a stranger - i mean it in a good way) I am just too chicken to talk non-anonymously my social interaction skills are other negative scale i either talk too much and make things awkward or talk nothing and make things awkard anyways thank you again

my tag for you #thankyouforyourtime #youarecutetoo #iwillfollowyoursuggestedblogprofiles

agreed, op. honestly. honestly. i do understand if they nitpick every interaction forcebook shares and idealise it as 'romantic'. i guess many are still not familiar with skinship among many actors/actresses in gmmtv (and generally in thai/k-pop entertainment industry). i think it's quite common in thai/k-pop society for men to be touchy with each other. maybe some find this new and they can't help but think "two guys can't just be friends," when in fact they can. shipping is fun and sometimes i like to indulge in these delusions too but that's just that and i have to know when to stop. because whatever it is in our heads isn't what they are in reality. we don't know everything about them so it's best not to assume and accept them as they are. that's more than enough.

op, i feel like almost all foxmochis want to gatekeep forcebook from toxicity because like you said, we know how ugly it can be once these people lay their hands on forcebook :( although it's good for them to be recognised and loved (i think only friends will be one of their many breakthrough roles because it's so different from their previous projects), we can't help but feel anxious... just because... these two are wonderful people and we can't bear seeing them as victims of unhealthy shipping shenanigans and baseless rumours. i hope that won't happen. it may look impossible, but i hope it won't.

no problem :) i'm open to listening to anyone's thoughts, especially when it comes to the actors i like. you can hit my inbox anytime (if talking to me privately makes you feel queasy. i totally understand that!) because i like knowing what goes on in every pretty head out there. and of course, you are cute. :)

yeah, feel free to follow them. i hope we can have fun together, especially when only friends start airing. until then, take care, op. :)

[citycleannews]

Armin Ordodary and Benrich Holdings Scam (2024)

There is an interesting backstory with the Media regarding Armin Ordodary and his Benrich Holdings Ltd fraud. Several parties contacted the Media  after we published a story regarding FSM Smart, requesting or urging us to remove the piece off the internet. We would soon learn more details, and the true narrative would be entirely different. We were advised to ignore the narrative by a good partner since it involved potentially hazardous individuals who could seriously hurt us. Furthermore, Armin Ordodary would merely be a monkey, acting as the frontman for the biggest con artists.

The truth is that Armin Ordodary is more than just a monkey, at least based on the information at our disposal. Even in that scenario, he would still be legally accountable as a director and shareholder of businesses engaged in investment fraud and frauds. He must be aware by now that he serves as the front for con artists and con artists. That leaves him with no justification. According to our Media investigation on Lexbond and FSM Smart ties, he is a part of the fraud group behind FSM Smart and other illicit broker operations.

In order to put an end to the scams that Armin Ordodary fronts for, we would like to learn more about him. Additionally, Armin Ordodary is a director and official partner of the Serbian Upmarkt DOO. Our knowledge from locals indicates that Upmarkt serves as a boiler room for the con artists involved.

Ordodary attempted to have the company’s name changed, according to the Serbian Companies Register. The request for modification has been denied this time by the Serbian Companies Register Authority, although it will eventually be accepted. We would like to know what he does with his companies and for whom or with whom he acts before all traces are lost. Furthermore, he founded BizTech DOO, a new business in Serbia. Ordodary is a director and sole shareholder of this company.

Our Media Research Team has been able to establish connections between Armin Ordodary and the following brands and companies so far:

Brands and Domains

FSM Smart – www.fsmsmart.com

FSM Smarts – www.fsmssmarts.com

NepCore – a white-label broker and/or CRM solution

Companies

FSM Smart Ltd – Marshall Islands

Benrich Holdings Ltd – Cyprus

SIAO Ltd – Cyprus

Upmarkt DOO – Serbia

BizTech DOO – Serbis

Armin Ordodary and Benrich Holdings Ltd (As Claimed)

At Armin Ordodary Group, they are dedicated to helping our clients achieve real, significant results. Their heritage, which was founded in 2014 by Armin Ordodary, is based on excellence.

As a leading worldwide strategic consulting firm with a significant presence in the Middle East, Europe, and Asia-Pacific, Armin Ordodary Group is what it is today. With pride, Armin Ordodary serves as the company’s global general counsel. Their specialty is providing customers with strategic guidance. Many of their clients are managing unprecedented upheavals in their industries and are looking for fresh perspectives on urgent business issues.

Their overarching goal is still to enable client success. They analyse these problems via distinct perspectives, searching for ground-breaking ideas and revolutionary answers. With our impartial, data-driven approach, they help their clients discover important business realities.

Steer clear of Benrich Holdings Ltd since it isn’t overseen by a reputable regulator

That being said, only because a broker is regulated does not ensure that your money is secure. The key distinction is the organisation that oversees the broker.

Three groups of regulators were identified by our brokerage experts:

superior

middle-class

Low-class

Top-tier regulators are self-regulatory or regulatory bodies that implement, monitor, and uphold the highest standards and regulations to guarantee that brokers under their supervision don’t commit fraud. Fair pricing, transparent transaction execution, and a controlled trading environment are just a few of the highest regulatory criteria and practices that a broker must uphold when it comes to oversight by a top-tier regulator.

In comparison to top-tier regulators, mid-tier regulators typically operate in less complex legal and regulatory environments and have less severe oversight, which could lead to a less complete level of protection for investors.

Brokers under the jurisdiction of mid-tier authorities are usually subject to less stringent financial and operational restrictions, which may lead to less meticulous operations or a higher probability of fraudulent activities.

The least thorough supervision of brokerage companies is typically provided by lower-tier regulators. Low-tier authorities that regulate brokers usually have less stringent regulations and enforcement of compliance. Customers have few protections because these regulators frequently offer little to no compensation funds or methods for protecting investors.

Brokers regulated by lower authorities are likely to use systems that put them in conflict of interest with their clients, unfair pricing tactics, and opaque transaction execution techniques. Dealing with brokers who are subject to low-level regulatory bodies increases the likelihood of running into dishonest brokers or even fraud or scams.

[armin-ordodary]

Armin Ordodary and Benrich Holdings Scam (2024)

There is an interesting backstory with the Media regarding Armin Ordodary and his Benrich Holdings Ltd fraud. Several parties contacted the Media  after we published a story regarding FSM Smart, requesting or urging us to remove the piece off the internet. We would soon learn more details, and the true narrative would be entirely different. We were advised to ignore the narrative by a good partner since it involved potentially hazardous individuals who could seriously hurt us. Furthermore, Armin Ordodary would merely be a monkey, acting as the frontman for the biggest con artists.

The truth is that Armin Ordodary is more than just a monkey, at least based on the information at our disposal. Even in that scenario, he would still be legally accountable as a director and shareholder of businesses engaged in investment fraud and frauds. He must be aware by now that he serves as the front for con artists and con artists. That leaves him with no justification. According to our Media investigation on Lexbond and FSM Smart ties, he is a part of the fraud group behind FSM Smart and other illicit broker operations.

In order to put an end to the scams that Armin Ordodary fronts for, we would like to learn more about him. Additionally, Armin Ordodary is a director and official partner of the Serbian Upmarkt DOO. Our knowledge from locals indicates that Upmarkt serves as a boiler room for the con artists involved.

Ordodary attempted to have the company’s name changed, according to the Serbian Companies Register. The request for modification has been denied this time by the Serbian Companies Register Authority, although it will eventually be accepted. We would like to know what he does with his companies and for whom or with whom he acts before all traces are lost. Furthermore, he founded BizTech DOO, a new business in Serbia. Ordodary is a director and sole shareholder of this company.

Our Media Research Team has been able to establish connections between Armin Ordodary and the following brands and companies so far:

Brands and Domains

FSM Smart – www.fsmsmart.com

FSM Smarts – www.fsmssmarts.com

NepCore – a white-label broker and/or CRM solution

Companies

FSM Smart Ltd – Marshall Islands

Benrich Holdings Ltd – Cyprus

SIAO Ltd – Cyprus

Upmarkt DOO – Serbia

BizTech DOO – Serbis

Armin Ordodary and Benrich Holdings Ltd (As Claimed)

At Armin Ordodary Group, they are dedicated to helping our clients achieve real, significant results. Their heritage, which was founded in 2014 by Armin Ordodary, is based on excellence.

As a leading worldwide strategic consulting firm with a significant presence in the Middle East, Europe, and Asia-Pacific, Armin Ordodary Group is what it is today. With pride, Armin Ordodary serves as the company’s global general counsel. Their specialty is providing customers with strategic guidance. Many of their clients are managing unprecedented upheavals in their industries and are looking for fresh perspectives on urgent business issues.

Their overarching goal is still to enable client success. They analyse these problems via distinct perspectives, searching for ground-breaking ideas and revolutionary answers. With our impartial, data-driven approach, they help their clients discover important business realities.

Steer clear of Benrich Holdings Ltd since it isn’t overseen by a reputable regulator

That being said, only because a broker is regulated does not ensure that your money is secure. The key distinction is the organisation that oversees the broker.

Three groups of regulators were identified by our brokerage experts:

superior

middle-class

Low-class

Top-tier regulators are self-regulatory or regulatory bodies that implement, monitor, and uphold the highest standards and regulations to guarantee that brokers under their supervision don’t commit fraud. Fair pricing, transparent transaction execution, and a controlled trading environment are just a few of the highest regulatory criteria and practices that a broker must uphold when it comes to oversight by a top-tier regulator.

In comparison to top-tier regulators, mid-tier regulators typically operate in less complex legal and regulatory environments and have less severe oversight, which could lead to a less complete level of protection for investors.

Brokers under the jurisdiction of mid-tier authorities are usually subject to less stringent financial and operational restrictions, which may lead to less meticulous operations or a higher probability of fraudulent activities.

The least thorough supervision of brokerage companies is typically provided by lower-tier regulators. Low-tier authorities that regulate brokers usually have less stringent regulations and enforcement of compliance. Customers have few protections because these regulators frequently offer little to no compensation funds or methods for protecting investors.

Brokers regulated by lower authorities are likely to use systems that put them in conflict of interest with their clients, unfair pricing tactics, and opaque transaction execution techniques. Dealing with brokers who are subject to low-level regulatory bodies increases the likelihood of running into dishonest brokers or even fraud or scams.

[arifreko]

About Denny Ja: Cultural Diplomacy in the Digital Era: New Opportunities and Challenges

In this increasingly advanced digital era, cultural diplomacy is increasingly important in building relations between countries. In ancient times, cultural diplomacy was often associated with the exchange of arts, music, dance, and traditions between countries. However, with advances in technology and adoption of social media, cultural diplomacy also faces new opportunities and challenges. One of the famous figures in the world of cultural diplomacy in Indonesia is Denny JA. Denny JA, or Denny JAnuar Ali, is a socialist, writer, and social activist who has contributed greatly in promoting the richness of Indonesian culture globally. Denny JA understands the importance of cultural diplomacy and has succeeded in presenting Indonesia on the international arena through various creative and innovative initiatives. In the digital age, the internet is the main means in popularizing the culture of a country. Denny Ja is aware of the great potential possessed by this technology and uses it as a tool to bring Indonesian culture throughout the world. Through his personal blog, Denny Ja routinely shares his knowledge and experience about Indonesian culture with readers from various countries. He also manages active social media accounts, such as Instagram and YouTube, to share interesting content, such as traditional art, culinary, and tourism in Indonesia. Thus, Denny Ja succeeded in presenting Indonesia in the daily lives of the global community. However, in carrying out cultural diplomacy in the digital age, Denny Ja also faces new challenges. One of them is fluctuating social media trends that change quickly. In recent years, social media platforms such as Instagram and Tiktok have experienced a significant increase in popularity. Denny Ja must continue to follow this trend and adapt quickly so that the content remains relevant and attractive to social media users. He must also consider the best way to convey Indonesian cultural messages so that they can be accepted by various groups, including young people who are more accustomed to digital platforms. In addition, Denny Ja must also ensure that the content he shared online represents the accurate diversity of Indonesian culture. Indonesia has a very diverse cultural wealth, with various unique traditional customs, languages, customs, customs and traditional arts. Denny Ja must be sensitive to this difference and ensure that its content reflects the Indonesian cultural wealth in inclusive. He also cooperates with various cultural communities in Indonesia to ensure that all tribes, languages, and regions are well represented in this cultural diplomacy effort. In facing challenges and taking advantage of these opportunities, Denny Ja introduced creative and innovative initiatives. One of them is through the use of Virtual Reality (VR) technology to bring Indonesian cultural experience directly to users throughout the world. Denny Ja developed a VR application that allows users to visit historical places, such as Borobudur Temple and Taman Mini Indonesia Indah, without having to come directly. By using this technology, Denny Ja succeeded in providing a deep experience about the richness of Indonesian culture to people from various parts of the world. In addition, Denny Ja also collaborated with local creative industry players to create attractive and high -quality content. He collaborated with director, screenwriter, artist, and musician to produce films, music, and art that reflect Indonesian culture authentically.

Check more: Denny Ja: Cultural Diplomacy in the Digital Era: New Opportunities and Challenges

[junow-honours]

Oral Presentation 2/3

Slides with accompanying script

1. Artist model: Jess Johnson (Top left)

Jess Johnson is a New York-based New Zealand contemporary artist whose work incorporates elements of ancient mythology, which she recycles into occult and arcane illustrative forms. Her practice relies on strategies of world-building, where she offers insights into her alternative realms, and adapts them into video animations and virtual reality experiences.  Within this exhibition, Antireality Perversion Void, at the City Gallery in Wellington, 2023,  Johnson has curated a collection of ceramic objects by other artists, which are presented in an immersive space designed by Johnson in homage to horror and science fiction anthologies she grew up reading. This work marks an intersection (or portal) between world building and clay making, asking how a ceramic object can become a vessel for entire alternate realities and speculative futures.

2. Artist model: Xi Li (Top right)

Xi Li is an interdisciplinary artist from China based in Auckland, New Zealand. She utilizes both Eastern and Western philosophical frameworks to explore themes such as identity, ideology, subcultures and popular culture. 

Within this exhibition, The Transcendence Labyrinthe of Idols, at Te Tuhi in Auckland, 2022, Li encourages us to question the ideas of idol worship that are often channeled through celebrities and pop stars within the contemporary digital landscape.

This work also follows the idea of individual and collective obsession, and the structural narratives between mythology and spirituality. This work, featuring partially 3D printed decorative gods and totemic images on hanging banners, creates an immersive spectacle of mythological imagery that bridges the historical with the surreal and the fantasy.

3. Term One work: Death-Drive (Middle top)

One of my first projects this year is my board game entitled ‘Death-drive’, which I made in response to my research on Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theories of the death-drive and the pleasure-principle. 

The death-drive represents the profoundly ’human’ drive towards death and destruction, which is externally expressed through aggressive, compulsive, destructive and violent behaviours.

In counterpart to the death-drive, the pleasure- principle is the driving force of the Id, which is the unconscious and instinctual component of the human personality. It entails our desire for the fulfillment of all primitive needs, wants, and urges that we possess; such as hunger, thirst, anger, and lust.

This game follows an aleatory game paradigm, which means that each player must submit and accept that fate, through the roll of a dice, controls the outcome of this game.

4. Realm Manual (Middle bottom)

Synonymous with my archetypal characters are the realms in which they reside in and govern. My creation of these alternate universes reflect both metaphorical and physical ideas of place, taking influence from aspects of mythology, reality, and fantasy.

5. The Underworld Realm (Middle left)

The Underworld, as governed by the Aggressor archetype, represents the ‘hell-scape’ of the game. Featuring locations such as the Dungeon, the Executioner’s Courtyard, the Slums, and the Crypts, this realm takes inspiration from architectural monuments representing masculinity and power, such as obelisks, pyramids, and Brutalistic aesthetics.

6. The Midworld Realm (Middle right)

The Midworld, as governed by the Watcher archetypes, represents the ‘real world’ through the use of recognizable locations, such as city-scapes, slums, penthouses, and surveillance watch posts. This realm takes inspiration from capitalist structures, and internet and technological advancements.

7. The Overworld Realm (Bottom)

The Overworld, as governed by the Victim, represents a seemingly ‘Utopian’ and idyllic paradise, untouched by the violence and pressure of the previous realms. This realm represents the idea of artificial perfection, and a world governed by corruption and immaturity.

[awriterandabird]

not mentally ill enough to be fun for internet users to poke at, too mentally ill to be brushed off as "quirky", but just mentally ill enough to catch myself in yet another unending spiral of shame and agony!

wooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(dont press read more unless you read those tags. im warning you.)

for the love of GOD please help? stop?

earlier someone asked how they could help i told them to give me space i don't want to explode i feel like i need the opposite of space but also if anyone comes close to me i want to golf them into the sun don't talk to me. don't perceive me please talk to me. don't leave me

i wish i could channel this into something productive (not that i think anyone would want to see that. there's better artists and better art. whats one more little fag on the internet making stories about depression and derealization and autism and burnout. i don't have anything new to add.)

today i went outside and i had trouble staying in my own head

for a while i was a father struggling to keep doing his job because 'reality' around me kept feeling weird and wrong and i remember punching a hole in the wall and i heard birdsong but the birdsong was real and i was back on earth (in my body) and the vignette around my vision was tangible. a fly landed on my arm and it made me yell. i was real suddenly- the veil was gone. i walked around and i looked at some things. i saw a weed growing in the cracks of the asphalt and i saw grass growing through a circle of rocks. at the fairy tree i found a perfectly round rock and wondered what was inside. i was back in the crystal shop- the one across the water- where the ferry took us i remember the perfect little geodes they sold i was back home i remember readying that hammer only to completely fuck up the swing and ended up pulverizing most of it. but i looked and the pieces were right there at the fairy tree. i thought about art and how i would portray things if i and i was that father again and i was struggling to explain i couldn't speak at all really even in the arms of my wife i fought myself and another voice (myself) and i told myself im not real and i told myself why do i feel like im stealing something from someone else and why do i feel like my life is over but it never started and i was in the backyard looking for my cat when the gate slammed. it slammed in the wind. im real again. the sun is still out. the neighbors just came back home- i saw their car pull in. im ashamed to keep wasting time outside, so i walk back in my house

i might have gotten the order of events wrong

does it matter

does writing it down even matter

im giving the void (at first i typed "voice") a recollection of something that doest matter

recorded here for all of time, wasting space on a server, rotting, festering.

who is this for is this for myself?

wouldnt it be easier if i just told the people in my real life what was going on,

no you know what shut the fuck up.

go get a job dumbass.

..yeah i feel like a right waste of space.

"look. walk-ins accepted. you can apply here too when you apply at [x] tomorrow" "tomorrow?" "what else do you have going on in your life?" we walked down the rest of the aisle in silence. i didn't have a reply.

"whats the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?" "one can prescribe you drugs i think" "oh" we drove for 10 minutes in silence. i thought about my next question so carefully. i must have gone through dozens of iterations in that 5 minutes. i was the only one talking. during those 8 minutes i don't remember what the radio played. "which one of those two... tells you about if you have things in your head?" "what do you mean things in your head?" "like-" "like schizophrenia?" "yeah" "a psychiatrist i think. no? a psychologist. i forget" "yeah that's okay you don't know the answer, i probably should have researched myself, its kind of a lot of me to have expected you to have all the answers." "okay"

tomorrow i wake up. i have two options

>disappoint everyone (default option, no action required) >shut up, man up, get out of my room, become presentable, act Normal, interview at two different places, land a job, support the house, be a perfect functioning person

do i have an option

can i at least be a better person than writing a pathetic little vent longer than the colors of the sky. that no one cares about. that i wont care about in. fucking. whenever i can regulate my emotions again

wait will that even happen (someone made me go to type "(never)")

dear god. dear fucking lord. ive only been typing for. not long. it can't have been that long- less than half an hour- rollover just ended- but why the fuck did that person message me 6 times while im on DnD

aaaaaaaaaUGH i WANT TO GO. TO. BED.

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP TRYING TO TALK TO ME

BUT THEY NEVER WANT TO TALK TO ME

7 messages

why cant we talk about nice things? i have nice things too- when i see them. in that other place. posting back and forth admiring each others stories and characters. i have that too. please. please can you talk to me

but then i swear like clockwork someone reaches out and i think no. not YOU. i want. THEM. (they don't exist) (they are a nebulous construct) what do i want. what do i fucking want. what do i care about? who do i care about?

im sorry. im so sorry. im sorry and i'll promise to respond to you. im sorry i know how it feels to be ignored i don't want to do that to you. im sorry i don't understand these things you send me. i don't understand

earlier tonight i failed once again to follow a simple request

(i keep looking up at those 7 unread messages)

i failed to follow it and i felt so. broken? useless? stupid? worthless? how can you expect someone _like me_ to get a job. to be _functional_

i dont even know if what i want to do is what i want to do anymore

all that time i spent in school. im sorry i wasted your time. im sorry im not going to amount to anything more than that. than this.

"they said they lost you in the system" "lost?? i. i submitted 3 times. under 'jay', under '[dead]', under '[last1]', under '[last1-last2]', i tried. i tried." -- "maybe they just don't want to hire me" "that's not it" "[z] got back to me that one time. do you remember?" "oh only a little-" "they said they're not hiring for night positions. even if on the website, the spot is still open. maybe if i just. replied back again and told them i'd do day anyways" "well, would you rather work at [x], or [y], or [z]?" "[y] i guess... not because i want to work in fast food but the benefits-"

the one blessing of tonight is that at least i haven't been super dysphoric. im too busy trying to claw back into my own body to be worried about whether or not it fits. i just need to be IN one

its been so hard to think of it as anything other than "the body", rather than "me". its. supposed to be "me" i think

whatever that means

my head is swimming again. i need to end this post

7 unread messages

i know i'll hit post, and i'll never see this passage again good riddance. maybe with all the bile ejected now i can actually be

something. i still dont know.

[loobrr]

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[doodlemancy]

revised version of my doodle of Everyone’s Favorite Girl, bc people wanted a sticker (here is the sticker)

[mazhazalotofthoughts]

The rolling stone article was a shit show. I don’t know who thought it was passable but here we are. Everyone is pissed. Solo’s and Holivias are angry because it shows Harry completely dismissing his and O’s relationship. The GP is pissed especially queer fans because it potrays him as a straight man giving an unsolicited opinion on how gay sex is depicted while he talks about the gay character he will be playing. There’s been a lot of debate on whether straight actors should play gay characters. Many people will say that giving those roles to straight actors takes away an oppurtunity for a queer actor. It also shows that queerness is not something that can be put on and taken off like a jacket when it’s raining. So Harry, already not on the good side of those who want more real queer rep in films goes out to say what he thinks good gay sex should look like on screens? That just completely dismisses how hard so many queer filmmakers have fought to have gay movies in gernal, let alone those with “sensual, emotional sex”. Gay movies that had sex were catered to a female audience so those tender, romantic sex scenes weren’t there for so long because amature porn type sex was accepted when genine love and affection was not. Sex between men was okay because the audience found it hot but a true connection was too much actual “gay content”. But in regards to Harry finding “two men going at it removes the tenderness from it” I really think he needs to look at the definition of of sex because that’s literally what it is. In fact, Brokeback Mountain- one of the few sex scenes in film that most people can name and it was extremely sensual and vulnerable and caused waves of criticism across the film industry when it came out.

So despite the fact that Harry is queer and closted and probably has no say in whether he partook in this interview, his comments were irresobnsible. It pissed off and hurt a lot of people because even though he may be gay as a peackock, he’s not out. He has never declared himself to be a part of the LGBTQ communitity. And as much as he can make vague statements about his sexuality and evade labelling it, he has never officially come out as anything other than straight. And he doesn’t need to. Let me say that clearly, Harry does not owe anyone an explanation about his sexuality, BUT that does not mean he can just start giving his opinions about gay sex on use the queer aestehtic but not have to face the reality of being queer. At the end of the day, when we know he’s going home to Louis, everyone else thinks he’s going home to a woman- Olivia. And that he gets on stage and wears clothes that Freddy used to, sing gay anthems, queercode to the inth degree, but then never has to actually take on the burden of being queer in this society. He doesn’t get the same criticism and homophobia other queer artists do. He can wear whatever he wants and star as Tom and sing about dick but until he makes any move to distance himself from the cis/het image that’s been created for him, he is afforded that straight pribegalge that protects him.

We know Harry is closested and can’t come out, but when he goes and does an interview where he talks about his sexuality and how it’s not fair when people question his querness on the basis that he’s never dated women or anyone publicly, but then in that same interview the journalist calls Olivia his girlfriend and talks about how the internet impacts their relationship. Both cannot be true. It’s impossible for him to have never dated anyone publicly while going along with the narrative that Olivia is his girlfriend of two years. And maybe he doesn’t have a choice. But guess what, he’s on pap walks all the time, articles about their relationship come out every day. She is referred to as his girlfriend and he talks vaguely about their relationship. For all intents and purposes, he is dating Olivia. So you can understand how shitty it must be for the queer fans who don’t know as much as we do see this pop icon continuously play up his sexual abiguity and take on the queer aesthtic just to go on and give unsolicted, harmful views about how gay sex is potrayed on screen in an interview in which your girlfriend talks about being victimized by his fans, all the while the end of the day those same queer have to go back to a reality where their mere existence is vilified. They don’t have the option to just “go back to being straight”, they can’t just turn off that inherent part of themselves when it suits them. And I’m not saying that Harry has to come out, not at all, but he does need to be aware that there is a responsibility that comes with being a public figure, especially a public figure that has been highly influential in a marginalized community and how their words and actions might affect that community.

Before I came out as nonbinary I said a lot of questinable things that because of my, at the time, cis she/her I’m not trans idenity came across at hurtful to NB people. But because I’m out, those things I said are now relatable and understood because of my place within the community.

“Damn, pronouns are hard to figure out”

“Why does everyone have to make such a big deal about gender”

“Why does gender matter anyway, I’m just human”

These statements coming from a cis person scream invalidation and trans micro agressions, but a nonbinary or trans person saying them changes the context. And not to say that I didn’t have a right to say them when I wasn’t out, but I was mindful of how they would come across because like with Harry, without a tie to the community they can come across as offensive.

And sometimes it feels like H wants to placate both sides of the fandom. He doesn’t want to deny or confirm Holivia because it means he has support from two very big sides of the fandom and by confirming one of them, he’s cutting off a huge chunk of his fans. So sometimes it feels like he’s feeding each side morsels to keep us strung along until the next time. He has a foot on each side of the fence and I think people are getting fed up. You can’t be this great man who’s a budding gay icon and poprocker who changes lives, and also be the kind of man who profits off of and strings along his queer fans while he dates a woman who’s a known supporter of peodophiles and abusers. And yes you can argue contracts and closeting but it’s been 2 years of this stunt, 12 since the first stunt, Harry is now 28 and continues to call Jeff his best friend, hang around him and promote his brands and thank him at every show. It just seems like if Harry really wanted to, he could fight more. He could rally for lights up and make sure that his charity campaigns aren't filled with cheesy song lyrics relating to gun violence. And I’m not blaming him because I don’t know the whole situation but at this point, I’m tired. H must be tired. Everyone is tired of this stunt and this hiding and it shows on days like today. The entire GP is calling him a queerbaiter, and the thing is, if I didn’t know as much as I do now, I would have said the same thing based on that interviews and the info bites that go viral. You can’t blame queer fans for being pissed, they have a right to be because if all you see is the outside, Harry does look like another white cis/het man profiting off of a minorty without living their reality. And his fault or not, it’s disappointing.

[swashbucklery]

OK look as a follow-up to that post I wrote about post+ that has now been reblogged into bubbles of Tumblr I dare not visit, I wanted to clarify one thing. Because in addition to “artists need the money,” another pro-post+ rebuttal I’ve seen is the idea that “well, Tumblr has to make money somehow.” Typically phrased as if I am a) a child who doesn’t understand how money works (when we all know I’m an extremely old lady who lives in a cottage in the woods shaking her cane at the clouds) or b) I’m a lefty idealist who just doesn’t understand the Practical Realities Of Modern Finance.

(This latter is typically an argument fronted by right-wing groups to shoot down policies that help people at the expense of corporate interests, ~coincidentally.) 

And I just wanted to gently rebut that because first of all. There is no indication from Tumblr that they are desperate the money. The Post+ rollout did not start with “guys, we super need to make internet rent or we’re gonna get internet evicted, accept this new feature or the website will close forever.” The Post+ rollout in fact doesn’t mention money for Tumblr at all, it mentions that you, the artist!! should be excited and grateful to make money for you!!! aaaand incidentally we’ll be taking a cut.

The dichotomy of “we must accept Post+ because the alternative is Tumblr shutting down” is a false one, that isn’t borne out by evidence. And once you allow the goalposts of the discussion to be shifted there, it becomes impossible to argue your way out of it. This is an intentional strategy, do not waste your energy with it.

Tumblr already generates revenue. It is not a free service because it’s a nonprofit. If you’re not using blocker software or if you’re on mobile, Tumblr is absolutely plastered stem to stern with ads and those are explicitly so that Tumblr can make money. There are limits to the data mining possible because Tumblr allows anonymity, but even a cursory google shows that attempts are being made and even “fun” features like fandometrics are evidence that they can pull monetizable user information from the back end.

And then, even if - even if - Tumblr truly can’t make their internet rent and they are going to shut down without increased income. There are also tons of other options that are not paywalled content that they can exercise to generate revenue. I’ve already seen several posts noting that a more palatable option for users would be a pay-for-features system, where users pay a monthly fee - perhaps $3.99/month - for options like idk. Ad-free pages, a version of Tumblr Messenger that doesn’t break all the time, the ability to post NSFW fanart, a mobile app that doesn’t crash, fancy icon skins where your fave wears a silly hat, whatever. With the option to have a free account for users who don’t wish to or are unable to pay.

This change is a deliberate choice that indicates a direction Tumblr as a website wants to take. And as their angry, semi-feral userbase we absolutely do have a choice in whether we accept this feature as a given or fight to keep it out of fandom spaces.

(Also in case this also gets distantly reblogged: don’t monetize your fanworks don’t monetize your fanwoooooorks. There’s a great post going around here on the TOS and Tumblr will 100% throw you under the bus if your paywalled content is violating intellectual property laws.)

[eyesaremosaics]

Lately I have had zero tolerance for bullshit. Perhaps I have been hardened in the last two years. My interest is in the truth, always has been. I am open to whatever that may be, provided that it is proven beyond a reasonable doubt.

When I was 17, my philosophy teacher showed us the 1957 film, “12 angry men”. If you haven’t seen it, the premise is essentially: Following the closing arguments in a murder trial, the 12 members of the jury must deliberate, with a guilty verdict meaning death for the accused, an inner-city teen. As the dozen men try to reach a unanimous decision while sequestered in a room, one juror (Henry Fonda) casts considerable doubt on elements of the case. Personal issues soon rise to the surface, and conflict threatens to derail the delicate process that will decide one boy's fate.

Initially you believe the boy is guilty as sin, and by the end of the film (after going through all the evidence) your perspective flips completely. I highly recommend you all watch it. This film always stuck with me. As a libra who prizes justice, I feel we have a responsibility as a just society to have all the information before coming to a decision about a persons innocence or guilt. There are many innocent people in prison, and a lot of sociopathic manipulators out there wreaking their havoc on others. I can’t in good conscience, condemn a person based on sensationalized claims—particularly when they are “trending”.

Condemnation needs to come from facts proven beyond a reasonable doubt. Frankly it alarms me how little I see most people investigating a given situation before taking a stance on it. Blindly following “trends” is herd mentality… and I would like to believe we are all more educated than that. Any free thinking, independent person would make sure they had all the information before making a snap judgment. Just saying.

If there is one thing my partner has taught me—it’s to always do your research. Check your sources. If you don’t have the answer, ask questions. If you have a strong opinion, that’s fine, but give a convincing argument. Have all the facts. I used to sort of do everything half assed, he has taught me to be very thorough.

With all the conflict going on in the world, and so many different points of view, it’s making me reconsider the relativity of truth. The old philosophical argument that there are no fundamental truths, and that the truth is relative to perspective.

Over intellectualizing everything has been my way of detaching lately. Reality has become semi unbearable. Our precarious living situation is only growing more dangerous. I don’t have the energy to detail anymore than that. Suffice to say we are being forced out of our home, and finding a new place is proving to be challenging. However, I am determined to remain in good spirits.

Missing being creative immensely. Making art, acting, writing… all these things bring me joy, and yet I prioritize them so little. It made me realize today that my workaholism has consumed my life, at this point I’m not living for myself but for others. I accept full responsibility for not dining much to change that. The pandemic made me complacent. Has anyone else been feeling that way?

This is my attempt to tackle said writers block. When you start making art, it’s not good, it’s just pretending to be good. However, your good taste is on point, and that is why the criticism of oneself is sort of important. How else will you be forced outside your comfort zone to grow as an artist? To be more. One is always layering meaning and technique into one’s art.

I just… I want “me” back again. I’m tired of shades and shadows. Tired of false news, trends, influencers, the vapidness of it all. It’s weird how internet dynamics influence public opinion so much, and I fear the power of propaganda.

Is it so wrong to want people to make educated guesses based on factual information? I feel like so many people just jump on different band wagons just for the sake of it. It takes on a creepy little life of its own. Everything is super “raw” and hostile. It’s like we are all burn victims touching one another, lighting up each other’s stuff. It’s hard to know what to believe anymore.

These mental gymnastics are too exhausting for me. Basically—I don’t think that shit is cute, and I miss being more creative. My goal is to work on that this year. Find a healthy balance.

[link4eva]

Kiro’s Work Visit Date (探班之约) Translation [CN]

Hi! Just a couple of notes before you begin reading...

This fluffy and wholesome date was just released (March 11, 2021) in the CN server and will eventually be released in the ENG server sometime next year.

I also don’t know any Chinese myself so all of this translation was done through the power of Google Translate and with help from the lovely @keliosyfan​ .

You can read his Couch Potato call that comes with this date here!

Hope you enjoy!~

*Spoilers ahead for future content!*

[First Part]

MC: So now the question is….

Kiro: Wait a minute! I didn’t seem to understand too much of what was said. Let me take a look!

During the video call, Kiro suddenly moved his face close to the screen with excitement.

Kiro: Miss Chips, do you mean that….you’re going to go in person and be a host on the show?

MC: Pretty much….

Some time ago, I did a variety show about a certain European town called “Cloud Tourism”.

The reason it’s called “Cloud Tourism” is because I’ve never been to this small town before. I only got a preliminary understanding of the traditional customs there through a novel.

Out of an abundance of interest, I consulted a lot of relevant sources and finally released a program with the concept of “seeing words as faces”.

Originally it was just an experiment inspired by an idea that didn’t really make any big splashes in China.

Unexpectedly, an internet celebrity from the small town recommended this program on his personal blog which led to it becoming popular very quickly.

Kiro: Oh….slowly but surely, I figured it out.  Not only has this show received great praise, the local TV station also sincerely invited you to come and do some interviews. Even in the form of a reality show, I must say that Miss Chips is amazing!

MC: ......

MC: I think you understand it pretty clearly but some parts are exaggerated….

Kiro: Congratulations, MC!~

Kiro: If I wasn’t shooting abroad, I would definitely take you there to celebrate! But we can celebrate like we did before….

MC: Wait! Wait a minute! I haven’t decided whether to go or not yet….

Kiro: This is a great opportunity to promote the company. Why are you so hesitant?

MC: Although I have previous experience, this would be my first time shooting as the host….

MC: What if I’m too nervous in front of the camera? It’ll affect the shoot.

Kiro: Miss Chips.

On the screen, Kiro sat upright and pushed his glasses up that were nonexistent.

Kiro: It seems that you’ve forgotten that there’s an experienced acting teacher right in front of you.

MC: Pff….I would like to ask Mr. Kiro how I can act natural in front of the camera. 

Kiro: It is very simple. Step one is to do the warm-up exercises in advance. Your shoulders should also be really relaxed. Then imagine the camera as a friend who can’t speak and has big eyes….

A few minutes later, Kiro was still “teaching” very professional acting techniques on the phone screen.

Kiro: Hello, MC, are you still listening?

MC: Um….I don’t think I can do this.

His bright eyes suddenly crinkled upwards, hiding a triumphant smile.

Kiro: I’m just teasing you. In fact, you only need to remember the first few steps.

MC: But I’m worried that if I get nervous, I’ll forget those first few steps. I hope that I can become Kiro that day!

Kiro curled his lips up again when he heard those words.

Kiro: Then close your eyes and hypnotize yourself….

Kiro: “I am the superstar Kiro!” 

[Second Part]

At five o’clock in the morning in the dressing room at the local TV station.

I tilted my head to face the makeup artist and held back yet another yawn.

The makeup artist whispered a few words to the accompanying translator and then left the dressing room.

Translator: Miss MC, the makeup artist has finished your makeup. The director will be here shortly. You can rest for a while.

I nodded gratefully. This country’s language is one that I’m not familiar with so the TV station specifically hired an interpreter.

As soon as I closed my eyes, I felt my phone vibrate.

Kiro: MC, are you still in makeup?

MC: Just finished. Are you ready to start work too?

Kiro: I’ve already been working for an hour.

MC: Why so early? It’s only five o’clock where you are!

Kiro: Don’t worry, I’m used to this kind of shooting routine.

Although I’ve known before that Kiro started almost every filming session in the morning, this was the first time experiencing it for myself. It’s hard work getting up early and putting on makeup.

What’s more, he often works overtime to catch up on his other stuff and rarely has enough time to rest.

MC: Then you must take time to rest!

Kiro: It’s okay. If I’m tired, I just close my eyes and think of Miss Chips’ smile. 

Kiro seemed to take a deep breath on the other end.

Kiro: Hmm~ Charging is complete!

I seemed to see him being content and I couldn’t help being amused by him. 

Kiro: By the way, what is your shooting schedule today?

MC: It’s sightseeing shooting. The director arranged to take me to several local attractions and I can also choose places of interest. 

MC: The first stop on the agenda is to explore the shop on the pedestrian street.

Kiro: Great! I heard from the crew that there is a famous cake shop on the pedestrian street of that small town. I will send you the address.

Kiro: Only by filling up your stomach and replenishing your energy can you be in the best state!

(Cut to the street)

MC: Well….

I watched my stiff expression and rigid body in the video replay. I couldn’t help but curl my toes and pick at the ground.

Director: Take it easy, alright?

I nodded slowly.

The director looked at me with sympathy and discussed some things with the translator for a while.

Translator: The director wants to know if you have anything you want to do. He suggested that if we start with one of your interests first, you’ll get into the right state of mind faster.

MC: Well, there is one place….

I almost immediately thought of the cake shop that Kiro had mentioned.

(Cut to cake shop)

Because of how early it was in the morning when we arrived at this cake shop called “Flipped”, the first batch of pastries had just come out of the oven. 

I was standing in front of the shop window outside the store while the director was preparing for shooting and I made adjustments for myself. 

Shoulders down, jaw relaxed, a smile appeared on my face. I recalled the formula Kiro taught me.

Close your eyes. Look into your heart.

“I’m the “not afraid of anything” Kiro!”

A burst of mellow sweetness lingered wantonly in the air. I opened my eyes and focused on the window again.

A pair of bright and familiar smiling eyes appeared in the window. The owner of these smiling eyes waved to me.

I felt my heart jump out of my chest.

Kiro: Hello, Miss Chips~ 

Looking at the two intersecting faces on the window glass, I finally couldn’t help but smile.

Oops, I really did become Kiro.

[Third Part]

I didn’t expect Kiro to have secretly been planning to see me on set. I was pleasantly surprised and realized that I was deceived by him during the morning call.

I made a “follow me” gesture to him through the glass.

(Cut to alleyway)

In the alleyway next to the cake shop, I wiped away the shock in my heart and checked, again and again, to make sure that no one else had followed us.

Kiro: Don’t worry, MC. Almost all the folks in this small town will have no idea who I am. And….

He pointed proudly to the sunglasses on his nose.

Kiro: I also came prepared.

I looked around and around and deliberately put on a face of worry.

MC: Why are you here? Weren’t you filming in another country?

Kiro: Actually, I don’t have any shooting arrangements today. It only takes an hour and a half to fly to this country from the shooting location. And it only takes two hours to take the train from the town’s airport.

MC: No matter how easy you make it sound, that was no easy journey….

MC: And with this time off, you should be resting in the hotel.

He pulled down his sunglasses aggrievedly. 

Kiro: But I really wanted to visit you at work for once, and give you encouragement at your side, just like what you did for me last time.

Kiro: And more importantly, I really missed you…. 

(Here’s a cute little clip of this dialogue uploaded by @cheri-translates​  !)

MC: Kiro….

All of my pretentious arrogance dissipated in an instant and I was about to reach out and hug him. But, he crossed his arms in front of him.

Kiro: But speaking of shooting, I just observed it secretly and your performance does have some small flaws.

Kiro: Your expressions are small and stiff, your movements are rigid and tiny, and your eye contact flutters from time to time….

Kiro: Also, you can walk without looking at the camera…. If I look at the camera while walking, [robot noises] don’t I look like a robot?

The more he talked about it, the more he assumed the coach position. He made a great show of it too.

I was so embarrassed that I nodded my head to accept the criticism with shame.

Kiro: Hahahaha--I’ll stop teasing you. 

He leaned over and squished my cheek and curled his lips again.

Kiro: Although, I can see that you are a bit nervous. I’m used to seeing your confident working style as a producer on set….

Kiro: It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this nervous. You can do it, love! *Did my own interpretation of what he said here cause I had no clue what Google was trying to say lol.*

He opened his arms and the morning sun fell on his shoulders.

Kiro: Come on, Miss Chips.

Kiro: Thank you for your hard work. For that, you get a rechargeable hug from Kiro.

I nodded my head hard and as soon as I took a step of joy, the director poked his head out of the alley. 

Director: Stand by, sweety!

I slammed the brakes and took out my phone, pretending to take a call. I shook my head slightly at Kiro.

He immediately showed me an aggrieved expression and I gave him a wink.

MC: It’s okay, I’ve already learned a recharging trick from Teacher Kiro.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, sketching a picture of bright, smiling eyes on the pitch-black canvas.

When I opened my eyes, those smiling eyes gradually merged with Kiro’s in front of me.

MC: Charging is complete~

(Cut to inside cake shop)

Under the guidance of Kiro, “the super professional”, I calmed down and tried to get into the shooting state.

However, in order to not affect my shooting state, Kiro pretended to be a stranger and waited silently near the shooting location.

When I don’t know which dessert to choose, he would raise his voice and give me a hint.

With pastry crumbs hanging on the corner of my mouth, he pointed at the corner of his mouth and winked at me until I understood what he meant.

During the filming, there were children running around noisily, so he used the tablecloth on the table to do some tricks to attract their attention.

Perhaps because of his “invisible” companionship, I really became more natural before I knew it.

Translator: The shooting in the store is OK! The director said that we are going to shoot some scenes on the pedestrian street next. Miss MC just needs to walk around the street casually.

After checking the route with the director in the cake shop, I realized that the table where Kiro was sitting was empty.

(Cut to the street)

I walked out of the cake shop and looked around but did not find him.

Without giving me too much time to think, the director shouted to start behind the camera.

I tried to walk the streets with peace of mind but my eyes subconsciously looked for Kiro.

Although the sun is shining in the early spring, there is still a bit of a chill in the air that has just warmed up.

Inexplicably, my heart is a little empty.

There was hustle and bustle on the other side of the street and my gaze followed the prestige in the center surrounded by a group of local children. The familiar blonde hair was dazzling and shining.

Kiro was holding a few yellow balloons in his hand with the children cheering around him as if he had helped them stop the balloons from flying away.

He squatted down and handed them the balloons one by one.

As if he could feel my gaze, he turned around and gave me an unreserved smile.

The empty part of my heart instantly filled up at this moment.

I retracted my gaze and found that the director was gesturing at me to continue walking. I quickly continued to walk.

When I pretended to spontaneously look to the other side of the road, I found Kiro with his hands in his pockets walking at the same pace as me.

Although separated by the road, he walked with me in such a special way.

The approaching noon sunshine finally had the temperature as spring.

[Fourth Part]

The shooting had finally come to an end before dusk came.

But Kiro disappeared when I was filming the last scenic spot.

As soon as I had finished work, I took out my phone to check it and found that Kiro had sent me two text messages half an hour ago.

Kiro: MC, I will have filming tomorrow so I have to rush to take the last train.

Kiro: Also, you performed well. I know my MC is the best.

I hurriedly called Kiro but the call informed me that his phone was turned off.

I took a look at the time and it was about 20 minutes away from the shooting location to the train station in town.

Maybe Kiro has boarded the return train and even arrived at the airport….

However, before I could think rationally, I didn’t hesitate to reach out and stop a taxi.

(Cut to the train station)

Due to the small population of the town, the train station at dusk is deserted.

I couldn’t understand the local language on the big screen at the station so I stood on tiptoe and looking into the waiting area in the hall.

Benches in the waiting area, a window for manual ticket purchases, on both sides of the platform, beside the vending machine.

Kiro wasn’t there.

My shoulders drooped in disappointment and I walked slowly towards the station gate.

The setting sun gives off the last bit of its light and the half-curved dome clouds shroud half the station hall in the shadows.

A slender figure stepped out of the shadow and looked at the phone in his hand, his face was as disappointed and lonely as mine.

The sunset gradually kept coming down for another minute but it just happened to pass through the windows around the station, covering the entire lobby with a layer of gold.

I looked at the young man illuminated by the golden light and couldn’t help but shout.

MC: Kiro!!!

He raised his head with a surprised expression.

Kiro: MC?

I waved at him frantically and ran in his direction.

He regained his senses after a brief moment of disbelief and then opened his arms wide like everytime he hugs me.

The moment his breath came to my face, my heart was filled with contentment.

Kiro put a hand around my waist tightly, lowered his head, and rubbed my forehead.

Kiro: Why are you here?

MC: I remembered that I borrowed something from you today, so I ran to pay you back.

Kiro: What’s that?

I tightened my arms around his neck.

MC: Isn’t this for you?

His breathing seemed to be slightly stagnant. He slid his hand on my waist to my hair.

Kiro: Then I’ll gladly take it.

MC: I….

He bowed his head slightly, and put the words that I was eager to confide in between his lips.

.

.

.

Trains in foreign towns are always prone to delays. Thanks to this, Kiro has been at the station until now so we now have the opportunity to be alone outside of our schedules.

As soon as the setting sun fell, the stars scrambled to fill the sky.

We were dressed in starlight, sitting side-by-side on the benches outside of the station, waiting for the late train. 

Kiro: How was the last scenic shoot? Did it go well? 

MC: OK! But when I was eating a snack, I poured all the ingredients inside by accident.

MC: But in fact, you’re just supposed to pick a flavour and eat it as a dip. The director laughed and shouted “CUT”....

Kiro: Pff….hahahahaha! Fortunately, I wasn’t there or I would’ve been laughing even louder!

MC: And there was….

I counted all the interesting things about today’s shooting, and laughed happily with Kiro.

Kiro: I’m glad I was able to come to the shoot today. Otherwise, I would have missed so many interesting things about MC.

MC: Kiro, do you feel that our current conversations seem to have the roles reversed?

MC: I used to visit you at your shoots, and you talked with me about all the interesting things that happened during them.

MC: Today, we “swapped” identities, and I feel a little delicate.

Kiro: Can I interview the delicate mood of Miss Chips?

He held his hand out to me as if he were holding a microphone and placed it in front of my mouth.

MC: Well, when I was shooting before, I could always feel your gaze. I felt it a lot today.

MC: It turned out to be difficult to stop myself from gazing back.

MC: Obviously, I saw you all day, but I had to hold back from looking at you.

MC: Obviously, you are by my side, but I have to resist the urge to hug you….

My cheeks were slightly hot and I avoided Kiro’s gaze. I lifted my head to look at the stars in the sky when I heard a “click”.

I turned my head and found that Kiro was taking pictures of me with his phone, the power bank that I had given him was still hanging from it.

MC: !

I took a look at the phone in his hand and saw the picture.

MC: It’s ugly! Delete it quickly!

Kiro: How is it ugly? The most natural MC is obviously the most lovely MC!

MC: I’m not letting you keep the power bank to charge your phone as revenge. Delete it quickly!

I struggled to snatch the phone from him, only to find that all the pictures he had taken today were of me.

I randomly clicked on a picture Kiro had taken of me eating a grilled sausage with an exaggerated expression, with me nervously facing the table in the background.

MC: You little….!

I glared at him angrily then clicked on other photos.

I frowned and watched the replay. I was stubbornly asking for another shot and I looked at him in the distance.

Kiro: Miss Chips….

He prolonged the ending, slowly coming closer to me.

Kiro: Don’t delete them. They’re all my precious memories of you. I want to keep them.

MC: No wonder your phone is out of power. You took too many photos!

He heard the relaxation in my tone and happily took the phone from me.

Kiro: Is this really too much? Compared to all of the photos of me on your phone, this is nothing out of the ordinary.

I blushed and tried to retort.

MC: Well, that’s because you are Kiro!

Kiro: But to me, you are MC.

He said this in a sincere tone.

Kiro: Just like you said, I also felt MC’s unusual mood today.

Kiro: I was worried whether you would be thirsty after talking for so long. And worried that you’d be tired after shooting for so long.

Kiro: You did well. I'm proud of you.

Kiro: The most important is….

He slowly came closer to me. I was the only thing in the reflection of his eyes.

Kiro: Although the scenery of this small town is beautiful, your shooting content is also very rich.

Kiro: But just like this moment….

Kiro: Under the starry sky, I can only see you.

Kiro: You are the unique star in my world. 

[END]